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uschi-the-listener · 1 year

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I live inside here

No one is invited

I have no neighbors

Only passers-by

Occasionally

A tiny window creaks open

A single dandelion seed

Parachutes out

Seeking fertile ground

If there isn't any

Oh well

That didn't work

It takes 100 years

To get to know me

I haven't lived that long

#self #private person

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inkskinned · 9 months

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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

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communistkenobi · 7 months

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whenever right wing people talk about “parental rights” they are talking about property rights. they are arguing for further political and legal enshrinement of their children as their literal actual property

#I also wonder if this is like a middle class expression of a desire to shore up other property rights eg homeownership #like homeownership is a foundation base for the nuclear family. property rights allow you to own the resource #that produces the family and allows it to be ‘private’#so like children are another frontier of this property relationship #anyway. bad time to be a trans person lol #& all the actual legitimate issues w/ parental rights ie indigenous genocide forced sterilisation mass incarceration the foster system etc #are not even remotely concerns for these people because well. they’re fash lol

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shotbyshe · 7 months

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Words of the Day

garish:

Overly bright or ornamented, especially in a vulgar or tasteless way; gaudy.

Showy; dazzling; ostentatious; attracting or exciting attention.

Gay to extravagance; flighty.

emaciated:

Having become so thin that the bones noticeably protrude under the skin.

Thin or haggard, especially from hunger or disease.

Very thin especially from disease or hunger or cold.

esoteric:

Intended for or understood by only a small group, especially one with specialized knowledge or interests: synonym: mysterious.

Relating to or being a small group with specialized knowledge or interests.

Not known by or suitable for the public; private.

~~~~

The Shortcomings film. I really enjoyed it.

My evening doorman. He suggested I eat lentil soup. (I heard that word three times in two days)

She.

#garish #emaciated #esoteric #words of the day #words #dictionary #definition #shortcomings #anemia #lentil soup #nyc #doorman #private #private person #odd person #mysterious person #shotbyshe

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mathelaw · 2 months

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sharing my favorite type of cultural misunderstanding that i barely see between these two

#bilbo baggins #thorin oakenshield #bagginshield #the hobbit #in which dwarves are blunt and to the point regarding courting #meanwhile hobbits are subtle and private #and to be flirted with so directly implies the person thinks you're very very easy

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pencilscratchins · 1 year

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i have reached the part of the steddie hyperfixation where i make them domesticated men in their 50s. having a blast! (twitter) [ID in ALT text]

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve x eddie #stranger things #art #my art #fan art #my fan art #look. i love them and i also love AD videos #why? because i’m nosy! i’m a nosy person!#i have a whole backstory for them re: this video in my head #their apartment is super clutter decor v maximalist #oranges and teals and blacks and dark greens #eddie got big with a metal band in the 90s #steve was a steel worker until his 30s then became a school teacher #they got together in the 80s got civil unioned in vermont in 98 #married in 2015 #eddie takes steve’s last name bc they thought it’d be funny to piss of steve’s dad (it was)#steve stayed pretty private until he fully retired in 2015 (early ofc)#eddie has become twitters Old Man because his online footprint is ridiculous so he has a renaissance #so steve starts coming along for the spare interview and everyone’s like holy shit eddie’s husbands hot #during the video eddie points to a lamp and says this is a lamp we got from the flea market!#then points to a box next to it and says and this is a box of our friend max’s baby teeth #did you want all this? no. but you got it

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cloneenthusiast · 1 year

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Despite everything.

#the bad batch #star wars #tbb crosshair #crosshair bad batch #tooka #loth cat #kitten #bird's art #yeah....#everyone deserves to be loved unconditionally #featuring Spits the tooka!! cross's lil devil #also for the sake of characterization #this is a private moment between him and his kitty cat #inspired by a personal experience #not to toot my own horn but I am proud of that second expression #idk if i'll capture it like that again fsghjk #tooka series

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attyattlaw · 3 months

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its trad art weekend. have a law warm up before i go to zine dungeon

#my ass thought it would be relaxing to paint the flower patterns manually #trafalgar law #one piece #hiding this here but to the person who sent an ask yesterday and i gave a heart attack by replying:#dw abt it i answered privately (i think)#totally unrelated note i had a calout post against me a day ago for some pro/anti thing and if you saw that and are still here thank you ilu

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frogman-inator2000 · 5 months

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They are very similar, this isn’t even all the things! Please add more if y’all think of any I need something to sustain me.

#malevolent #the magnus archives #tma #malevolent podcast #john doe malevolent #arthur lester malevolent #private eyes #qpr #martin blackwood #Jonathan sims #that wet cat of a person #ORTHUR NO #M a h t i n

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the-scarecrow-of-aus · 2 months

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Dating life of an immortal teen

Jazz developed a liminal gift around the time of dannys accident due to exposure.

She starts to suspect since she hasn't grown as much since she was 17, it was so subtle barely anybody noticed: jazz has the gift of longevity and is not ageing as fast.

Unfortunately her parents were among the small number that started to notice and she had to leave 'for college' before they tried any 'experiments' on her (they were always far too quick in suspecting jazz of being a ghost).

So started the continually cycling aliases of Jazz [no last name given] as she tried to live her life travelling around the country.

Occasionally she would meet someone and be happily in their life for a while, before having to move again (either forced or scheduled)

Her secret finally comes out when one of her early ex's recognises her in a photo with their younger co-worker... who then realises another co-worker is also an ex... until most of the group realise they've dated her at one point in their lives... then it gets noticed by their sister organisation who also recognise her.

Now anywhere else this could be humorous except these are no ordinary coworkers...

They're hero's.

Jazz has accidentally been 'Dating' her way through a large chunk of the the justice leagues civilian identities all across america and the world! (Not to mention JL: Dark) she has no idea they were hero's only that they were charming and she was lonely.

now the paranoid members (eg. Batman, the Question, Constantine, wonder woman) are worried she was preying on them and need to investigate.

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marisatomay · 5 months

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“I can’t believe Tom Cruise of all people would stand up for his agent, a Muslim Libyan-American woman, who was being publicly blacklisted for her support of Palestine and calling out the ongoing genocide, including making a rare in-person appearance to CAA headquarters in LA to express his support for her. What a strange person who can ever guess what opinions he will have.”

Look. I’ve studied Tom Cruise a lot. One could even call me a Cruisologist. (Not to be confused with. Well.) And, it’s actually really easy to predict Tom Cruise’s opinion on something. The tricky part is whether it will be made public in a timely manner or not and, if it’s made public at all, will it be a lede buried in favor of pushing a narrative sold on background by a studio exec he pissed off because he didn’t roll over and take their bullshit.

#can’t wait for someone to yell at me for this post so let’s get some things over with:#I know more than you. I don’t care.#but for the record: this post isn’t ‘tom cruise: perfect human who’s never done anything wrong’#it’s ‘tom cruise: complicated person who has lived his entire adult life under an intense microscope and as a result is incredibly private #and tends to not share anything good or bad which has allowed tabloids to fill gaps as they please for clicks.’#I wouldn’t say he’s a Good Person. I’m just saying he’s a Person.

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messiahzzz · 2 months

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friendly reminder that creators within fandom (whether it be gifs, edits, meta, fanfiction or fanart) choose to take time out of their day to provide you with new content for free.

it’s easy to take it for granted since it only requires a few seconds/minutes to scroll through your dash, but it’s important to remember that behind that there are often hours, if not even days, of work and dedication.

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #i have noticed this general sense of entitlement. feeling completely justified in reducing private blogs to mere content machines #policing them on the type of content they want to post #OR expecting them to account for a lack of content of certain characters within fandom #no matter what reach a blog may have. behind it there is always a person who is just as passionate about sharing their work as you are #we’re all just here to have fun after all #🙏 there needs to be more appreciation all around 🙏#it speaks

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gottagobuycheese · 2 months

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HEY! YOU!

You've probably heard by now, but from March 4th to 10th 2024, Help Gaza Children will be sending all their donations to families in northern Gaza, where food prices have skyrocketed even more than in the south. Their goal is $25K by the end of the week; at the time of writing this post, it's about halfway a quarter way there! (OG post about it) [EDIT: my mistake, I misinterpreted the numbers in the original post; evidently I cannot do arithmetic anymore]

This is their notion site, which has their donation link as well as additional info, their FAQ, important updates, and proof of purchases from donations they’ve gotten in the past. You can also donate directly to their paypal here.

As such, I'll be open for sketch commissions up from now (March 7th, 2024 ~02:20 PST) through March 10th in exchange for proof of donation to Help Gaza Children!

BASIC OVERVIEW:

Tier 1 - Basic head/bust sketch for $1-5 USD, +50% for basic color. Up to 3 characters.

Tier 2 - Basic screencap resketch for $5-15 USD, +50% for basic color.

Tier 3 - Posed sketch for $15-25 USD, 1-2 characters ONLY.

Tier 4 - Colored clean sketch: $25+ USD, 1-2 characters ONLY.

RULES:

Please provide a visual reference or detailed description of the character(s) you want drawn (and depending on the tier, a screencap or pose/expression you want to go with it)

DO'S: OCs, humans and human-like creatures, other creatures that don't have a lot of mechanical or anatomical detail (as in, I can TRY to do mecha stuff, but I think you and I will both be better of if I don't lol; can ask for further details)

DON'T'S: any NSFW stuff, real people currently alive (as in, historical figures in the setting of historical fiction may be okay, but other things may not be; can ask for further details)

If you've made your donation in a currency that is not USD, I'll give you something of equivalent value according to the tier based on whatever the conversion is at the time that I look it up. If one or both of our economies crashes spectacularly in between the time you send it and the time I look it up, I'm very sorry in advance

DISCLAIMER 1: I reserve the right to decline a commission for any reason; however, if this ends up being the case, I may reach out to you to see if we can come up with a middle ground that suits us both.

DISCLAIMER 2: I don't anticipate being able to do a lot of these, as I've got a full-time job that's in the ballpark ~80+ hours a week with really weird hours. That being said, depending on how far this goes, turnaround time will probably be ~2-3 months, give or take...something. I'll update you monthly until it's done.

FOR PERSONAL, NON-COMMERCIAL USE ONLY!

If you're interested in nabbing a sketch from me in exchange for your donation, email a screenshot (devoid of any personal info please) of your donation receipt and details of your sketch request (e.g. reference, tier, etc.) to [email protected]. For your donation to count for a sketch, it must be made after I wrote this post! (March 7, 2024 ~02:20 A.M. PST)

If you are NOT interested in nabbing a sketch from me, feel free to donate anyway!!

(And if you've got any questions about anything feel free to email, DM, or send an ask!)

#palestine #gaza #helpgazachildren #orv #undertale #commissions #donations #if this inspires even one extra person to donate that wouldn't otherwise have known about it I'll consider that a win #anyways I don't really expect this to go very far outside my circle if at all #so I'd appreciate some help in spreading the word #especially about the main fundraiser #these drawings are really secondary to the whole thing #but if you want to donate AND help a sad partially-art-blocked artist get unblocked! here is your opportunity!#if this goes somewhere I might do it again with other links #otherwise I'll just keep donating privately

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vaxxman · 2 months

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MEDIC TF2 BOOBS ‼️‼️

I have been blessed and am grateful, but I can give you so much more.

(Do you think medic was aware of his looks when he was younger)

I feel like the algorithm will filter this post from existence due to the mention of b00bs.

My hhand slipppedd under the cutt

And now, something completely different:

I understand the appeal of bare skin, but what about the appeal of fully clothed and still seemingly naked. I'm talking about suits if you can't follow.

I'm kneeling, begging, pleading for Valve to allow colouring his lab coat and give Medic a dark mantel. It would be so good (source: trust me).

Oh and underwear. Yeah, I prefer when people wear clothes :)

#team fortress 2 #tf2 #tf2 medic #I hope all 6 people who know me personally and follow me here are looking away rn #Drawing some of these felt like violating this character's private space ngl #I bet you wanted me to draw the burly beast cosmetic so I won't do it hah!#(I really want it but I also want to keep my kidney WHY is it so expensive)

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greatgodempresspan · 1 year

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Listen, if you’re gonna remake Scooby-doo with the express purpose of making it all “adult, sexy and edgy” and you *don’t* take that opportunity to make the four of them a polycule who solve mysteries with their adorable, cowardly junkyard dog, you’re a fucking coward - I don’t know what else to tell you.

#scooby doo #I am increasingly of the opinion that this is what was going on in the original cartoon #and that while they set out with the intent of becoming private investigators #they kept getting rich/would be rich people arrested #(they solve way more fraud and real estate crime than murders or missing persons as it turns out)#and so Shaggy starts dealing in order to support them

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thedevilundercover · 3 months

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I think Tim would be a little uncomfortable talking about himself to other people and that pisses people off for some reason.

People throw around words like unaffectionate and robotic at him but he really loves them. He just can’t tell them or behave “affectionately”

Someone in the family probably has had a fight with him or something (bc when the fuck are they not fighting) and they yell at him for not caring about anyone and he just like breaks down

He wants to yell at them that he loves everyone so fucking much that it hurts and he’d given up so much for the rest of them, put up with so much shit, but when he opens his mouth, the right words never come out and he just fucks everything up when it comes to emotions so he just… doesn’t talk about it.

A large part of being toxically independent/being surrounded by an environment that romanticises being really independent from a young age, sometimes, is compartmentalising your trauma and therefore your emotions.

Also, he gives off “ableist parents never let me get a diagnosis so I’m always struggling but I’ve always been held up to neurotypical standards” vibes

#kind of a vent?#I’m a pretty private and introverted person and people have hated me for it lol #tim drake #red robin #batman #bruce wayne #batfam #dcu #tim drake angst #fic ideas #jason todd #dick grayson #damian wayne #dc robin

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