#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inkskinned · 9 months

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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

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tender-rosiey · 3 years

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Hi! I hope you're doing fine and taking care of yourself. If it's okay with you, can you do relationship headcanons with Port Mafia! Dazai? Thank you!

❥ PM!Dazai Dating Headcanons

ᴀ/ɴ: why does notes make me think that I wrote a lot but this damn app is like haha no; anyways I hope you enjoyed this, dear 💘

Let’s bear in mind that Dazai was more closed off in the Port Mafia

So it will take furthermore time to even get on his trusted side of people

And he will deny the fact that he got feelings for you after you two trust each other

So you will just have to lure him to accepting it

Kind actions with no ulterior motives and just be there to support him

Now when you guys get together

As I said before he might take 6 to 8 months to wholeheartedly open up his heart to you

We can’t blame him tho, man has went through a lot :(

He will gradually start increasing how clingy he is but to a healthy extent

Like at the beginning it might be more of hand holding and an arm around your waist

He would like to show people that you are his and that you are taken

And it reminds him that he isn’t alone anymore and that he has you by his side

But as I was saying it will slowly get to him demanding hugs every 20 minutes because he likes hugging you

It gives him a welcoming warmth

Ayo everyone your girl’s love language is physical affection

I don’t think he would like when you go on missions and stuff

What if something happens to you?

What then?

Does he have to endure the loss of another person?

Does he want something to trick him to thinking that he is the reason everyone around him is suffering?

No, and he won’t take the risk of losing you when he has an option not to

He does prefer that even if you go on a mission that he is with you

As you can probably guess it’s that so he can make sure nothing happens out of plan

Now that we got the sad stuff out of the way

Let’s move onto fluffy things ;)

I think he would give you kisses at the most random times and even inappropriate times

In the middle of a meeting?

Kiss

You are cooking?

Kiss

You are arguing with someone?

Kiss

When Chuuya joins he teases him mercilessly and proudly comes to tell you the story of his “accomplishment” everyday right after said incident

“Y/N I dropped a bucket of sardine and sewer water on Chuuya! :D”

*obnoxious angry gremlin noises from said chihuahua*

Sometimes you might find Dazai staring at you blankly

But DONT misunderstand that

It’s just him thinking about the fact if he deserves you or not if he is allowed to actually enjoy life :(

Which brings me to the part that I think Dazai would want reassurance and comfort yes

But without making it obvious

Like a “you are strong and I am here for you”

Not a “you are vulnerable so I am supporting you” type of comfort

He doesn’t like vulnerability and/or showing a weakness

So just hug him and whisper sweet nothings to him

It will slowly convince him and that he indeed does deserve to be happy

And there is a value to life even if it’s as simple as making memories

And that now his memories can finally be happy and full of light rather than the darkness and emptiness he has been feeling for a time now

Moving on

He would love when you and Odasaku talk together

It makes him happy or rather the more I am trying to find is content that two of his most trusted people are getting along

You sometimes gang up on ango, all the three of you together

And at the times you are not with them in Bar Lupin then when he gets home he will tell you all about what happened

“Me and Odasaku had just came from a mission and then hugged Ango and he was screaming because we were dirty <3”

I think Dazai would love cuddling both in PM and the ADA

Most preferably when you are laying on top of him and he just has his arms around you

Another one is saved for the moments he feels particularly bothered and vulnerable

It’s when he is facing you but slides down a bit that his face is facing your chest so he can bury himself in it

Probably because he doesn’t want you to see him when he is weak, but not for the reason of not trusting you

Rather that he just wants to give you his best him

Dazai deals with jealousy—the same way he does now

Someone hitting on you?

Cheerfully approaches the person and slides his arm around your waist then pulls you close

“Hello there, what buisness might you have with my lover?”

and proceeds to shake hands with the other person

Almost crushing it as a warning ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

That’s exactly why people should take the hint

TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF MY HIPS BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE LIPS STOP YOUR STARING AT MY—

The good times of these songs

Now back to the sad stuff cause I am not sparing you today in the name of making this longer

When he witnesses Odasaku’s death and Ango’s betrayal is a day when he would just like to rant about everything

He doesn’t normally show too much feelings and he probably needed to vent, after all his two most trusted friends are gone

Then he would like to be held by you for the rest of the day

A silent reminder that you are here to stay

He also won’t hesitate in asking you to leave the Port Mafia with him

And will be happy and joyful if you do accept but if it’s the latter..

Then we will save this for another time

AHAHAHAHA

BYE BYE

LOVE YOU ALL

“What did my lovers do to you so you can leave them on a cliffhanger?”

I am feeling evil today

༼ つ ◕◡◕ ༽つ

do not copy or plagiarize or you will be reported

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autistic-lalli · 3 years

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I dont know how to properly frame my question, but autistic!lalli has always been a headcanon I readily claimed as canon in my heart because it MAKES PERFECT SENSE in my brain. But besides me, what I'd like to ask is what traits/habits/behaviors Lalli has that immediately clicked to you that he was autistic? Or showed that he was? Like, gush to me about them

(this is mainly so I can get better at writing him and also because I'm curious to know! Actually, SLAP me with EVERYTHING about Lalli, if you can 😂 I'd love to actually know everything)

This topic was also requested by @the-story-isnt-over-yet ! This post is for both y’all :)

I’m going to try to keep this organized, but we’ll see how successful I am. First up, I’ll talk through Lalli’s general traits, then the traits I picked out quickly and resonated with, and then I’ll touch on a couple other things that stand out to me!

Sensory Experience

Lalli repeatedly displays sensory-avoiding and sensory-seeking behaviors. He likes soft textures and sweets—he picks himself up a big ol’ fluffy cloak in Adventure 2, and his mind conjures him a nice and soft one in his dreamspace, and we all know how he feels about pastries. He’s always willing to eat sweets and breads, which suggests that Lalli has samefoods as well (samefoods are like a comfort food, but taken up to eleven; foods that always sound good, sometimes to the point that they’re the only thing an autistic person can eat.) It’s just a single line, but where Lalli tells Emil that he hates blueberries, it makes me think of a very specific picture (I’ll link it later if I can find it.) Blueberries, and other fruit, don’t taste the same every time! Some are sweet, some are sour, some are mushy, some are grainy, and some are juicy. When you don’t know what to expect from a food, this makes it hard to want to eat it, even if some aspect of the flavor is good.

But I digress! One thing that I resonated with right away with Lalli is that he clearly has sensitive proprioceptive awareness. That just means the sense of where your body is in space. When Lalli sleeps or hides under a bunk or table, he’s reducing his sensory input. Being in a small space is comforting because there’s less space to be aware of.

Lalli is also sensitive to touch, which is a fairly easy trait to spot. He doesn’t like the friendly punches the crew delivers, and even balks at Emil’s touch when he’s upset. There are exceptions, but those exceptions come at times when Lalli is calm and expecting the touch to occur.

And sound! Lalli doesn’t like loud sounds, in particular loud people (sorry, Sigrun.) This is a great place to talk about Lalli’s shutdowns. We don’t see Lalli experience meltdowns, but he does have a shutdown a couple times. Shutdowns are a response to stress and sensory overload. It looks different for everyone, and since it’s internal, it’s hard to tell how exactly Lalli’s shutdowns run. However, we see him cover his ears to block out sound and hum (“mrr!”) in order to calm himself down. He’s just trying to regulate his sensory experience. His humming is also an example of vocal stimming.

Social Difficulties

Lalli definitely has social difficulties, but it can be hard to tell which difficulties are due to the language barrier and which are due to his brain chemistry. But! Paying attention to the first part of the story, when he’s with all Finnish-speakers, as well as the dream sequences can really help us hone in on those traits.

Lalli, in general, doesn’t understand other people beyond what they say. He doesn’t understand body language or sarcasm—he doesn’t get why everyone’s punching him, he doesn’t know when Tuuri’s joking and when she’s serious, and he stares at Emil because he’s curious about him and doesn’t realize it’s impolite. He doesn’t notice when Emil is rude and doesn’t understand social scripts like saying “thank you” and “you’re welcome.” When he wants to express approval or comfort, he gives a soft pat to the other person. More touch than that might be too much for him, but he does want to express something, and pats are an excellent tool in that way.

Lalli’s inability and/or refusal to learn or use the crew member’s names also gives us insight to how Lalli faces social conundrums. To him, everyone else is more distinguishable by the epithets he gives them—their names don’t mean anything. It’s like naming someone “flower delivery guy” in your phone contacts instead of “Greg.”

Lalli also isn’t easily frightened. The only times we see him be really afraid is when someone he loves is in immediate mortal danger. The everyday stuff like trolls and omens don’t scare him, which is certainly in part just because he’s used to these things. Trolls and spirits are an everyday part of his life. But an unusual lack of fear is a common autistic experience as well, so I suspect it goes beyond Lalli’s accustomation.

Other Traits

A couple other things that didn’t fit into either of the former categories! First of all, the rubik's cube. That’s just autistic solidarity. Emil picked up a stim toy for his bf, we love to see it.

But also, Lalli relies a lot on his routine. That’s probably why the military, and scouting in particular, suited him. He has his own personal routine that is the same day in and day out. He tries to keep a routine on the expedition, but isn’t able to, which increases the amount of stress he’s under. Nothing is predictable, which automatically makes everything more stressful.

Relationships

I also think the dynamics of Lalli’s different relationships are super interesting and really highlight some things that aren’t often covered in media with autistic characters. It’s super heartbreaking the way Onni and Tuuri don’t seem to understand Lalli. Tuuri especially doesn’t understand why Lalli does the things he does, and doesn’t seem to make any effort to understand, which is sadly a common experience for many autistic people.

On the other hand, Emil’s reactions are the complete opposite. As I put it to a friend once, Emil often makes mistakes with Lalli, but he never crosses the same boundary twice. He lets Lalli have agency in their relationship. If Lalli has a boundary that inconveniences Emil, he doesn’t complain about it, he simply adapts. Lalli has very specific needs in his relationships, needs that are both unusual and difficult for him to communicate, so it’s far easier for him to just default to being a loner.

Me & Lalli

On a personal level, I have a whole lot of these traits. I stim with soft things, I’m sensitive to sound, I tend to be hypersensitive with my proprioceptive sense, I had to intentionally teach myself to read body language (I work as a theatre artist, which helped a lot,) I’m not easily frightened, I’m sensitive to touch and sound, and I certainly struggle socially. Furthermore, I actually had an untreated sleep disorder until about a year and a half ago, so I deeply resonated with Lalli’s chronic exhaustion.

Truth be told, I headcanoned Lalli as autistic from his introductory card, and I knew he was autistic within ten pages. Chronically exhausted and doesn’t know what’s going on? Mine now.

The Autism Metaphor

I talk about this some in my autism and superpowers post, but I really love that Lalli is both autistic and is living an autistic metaphor. It’s not uncommon for characters who can see or sense other things (ghosts, spirits, emotions, danger, etc.) to read as autistic, because that’s what autism often feels like. Our sensory experience is so distinct and we are so aware of it that it can feel like a superpower at times--in a good way and in a bad way. We’re living in a sensory world that a lot of neurotypical people don’t understand. Furthermore, these kinds of powers or sensitivities usually come with an isolating social impact in these stories, which only strengthens the metaphor for autism.

But Lalli has both actual autism and is a mage. He sees spirits and omens and can sense when trolls are near, and also is sensitive to sounds and doesn’t like to be touched. These things aren’t related to one another, but they all read as being in the same category, which both deepens the metaphor and makes him really interesting as an autistic character.

This is also why Onni readily reads as autistic as well. We don’t have as much direct evidence for him, and in many ways his trauma seems to run much deeper than it does in Lalli and Tuuri, so it’s hard to separate out what’s a trauma response and what’s an autistic response. Overall, I’m quite a fan of “no Hatakoinen is neurotypical,” but that’s a post for another day ;)

I’ll also be posting a panel or two of an instance where Lalli is displaying an autistic trait each day for the month of April!

#stand still stay silent #sssscomic #lalli hotakainen #autismacceptancemonth2021 #meta #actually autistic #long post

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uwuowotf2waslife · 4 years

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The mercs with an s/o who is on the autism spectrum? If you want to

as a person with diagnosed autism( ASD that later changed to SCD but concidering my countrys lack of proper diagnosis and non-existant support when i was growing up, im not sure,it might was a result of chronic abuse or i was a really weird kid) its my duty to answer this ask,

always know that you are perfect with all your imperfections

just because maybe your brain is wired different it doest make you less of a person

you are poetry

Scout

-my boy has adhd ( probably undiagnosed until he was examined by Medic) so you two might have a little problem at the begining.

-he might be the closest to a jack russel in human form, but he cares about you and is willing to sit down and do his research so he can understand you and your struggles. He isn’t a hypocrite, he is a hyperenergetic bundle of daddy issues and is sure he will annoy you from time to time, he annoys pretty much everyone except his mom on rare occasion, he is a hanfull and he knows that years now. But he also has come to understand that everyone has struggles and little things that make them more special than others.

-if you have problems with communication , he’ll be your mouth .Problems with sensory overstimulation? he will escort you to the safest place and hug you tighter than he thought hes capable of. People mistreating or bullying/insult you? the bat is in his hands and his ready to hit home runs on their balls. You might not be the perfect couple, you will struggle like every couple and have fights and arguments, but he is ready to phase every difficulty that comes on your way. He loves you and he is here for the ride even if its bumpy.

Soldier

-( I and i think a big part of the community claim he is actually autistic) Probably the most tricky of the mercs, since at one side he might completely relate/understand you and the relationship go smoother than soft butter on bread, or he might have problems communicating the relationship problems with you.

-as all relationships you two must sit down and communicate your problems. Believe me he isn’t mentally retarded ( a horrible misconsumption ive seen being thrown around), yes he is stubborn and can’t read social cues to save his life, but he is a loyal beefcake with a golden heart hardened by a lifitime of war. He knows he isn’t the perfect man, he has nightmares and panic attacks on the regualr after so much trauma in his life. But he also knows that if he S/O needs him, it doesnt matter if its a small or big thing, he is ready to go through hell and back to make them happier or more comfortable

-you can’t stand loud noises? copy that privet, he will stop yelling/ screaming around you. Certain things make you uncomfortable/ anxious? hes at your side and he is ready to snap necks...you have his heart and his adoration, he ain’t a coward or a pansy, you’ll win over any challenge that comes your way like the absolute unit you are and he is there to assist

Pyro

-fresh from the start they can recognise you have autism, i lowkey think they might be ( actually in young adults asd and mild schizophrenia can be mixed and confused by not good qualified doctors, its been years since i read that study so correct me if im wrong) or have really good gut insticts. Either way, they know you are struggling and trie in subtle ways to help you

-did an important call without stuttering? hug and smooch on the crown of your head, completed all your work/homework? they will cover you in stickers and cuddle you in their pillowfort, stood up for yourself? my girl theyll make a huge cupcake tray and youll two will eat while watching sappy disney films

- you won’t struggle as much, i see them as more easy going than other members of the team. But they also have big issues that may create problems in the relationship that you both need to work on. They are more than a handfull and they aren’t unaware of it, they spended years locked inside their own head doing god-knows how vile and harming things to their mentality and body, they can’t believe they are alive and they wake up every day next to the most beautifull human being they have come across their lif, ( Y/n). You will bond slow but strong , you are their sunshine and theyll make sure their sunshine shines no matter what they have to do

Engie

( lowkey i think is canon he has some form of high-functioning autism, just hide its behind the southern warm and soft hospitality)

- when you confess, he hugs you ( a big thing coming from him since i dont consider him a touchy fella) and returns the confession that he is too. He knows each person experiences different so he won’t press you for explanations or description of what you have is excactly. He just assures whatever happens, he is there to help you with

- doesn’t really change how he views you, but he takes the initiative for things like talking to strangers, calling to order or things that you struggle with, but he doesnt baby you. You are an adult person and will be treated as that, even if sometimes he feels he needs to “help” or “protect” you

-one of the most easy going of the mercs, but his work is his priority so there will be long arguments about it. He understands your frustation, but he is a workaholic years now before you came in his life and can’t bring himself to change that. His work is his routine, the only comfort he knows and the only place that accepted him for who he is. But, he will be more elastic and have more breaks/ days off even if it means the project will be finished an hour or two later, unless it has an urgent deadline. He knows he can be very cold and emotionless, he is an engineer, not a spy for that reason. Furthermore he has his own times when he is stubborns or has an anger explosion because something broke/didnt meet his expectations or got way too invested into something that turned to be worthless/ uselless so he isn’t the one to judge if you are in a sour mood or you have your own “ explosion”. After all said and done, late at night when you are both alonein his workshop he will just cradle you in his arms and make a silence promise to always be there for you through thin and thick ( as we say to go through 40 waves and 40 more ) because you are something that no machine or creation can emulate or recreate, you are ( Y/N) and you are the love of his life.

Demo

-arguably one of the three more knowledgable of the mercs in the topic of mental health department. Being raised in an orphanage i doubt he didnt had at least a dozen other kids who had from high to moderate to severe autism ( during the 20th century it wasnt uncommon for people with autism to be thought less human or that the family of said people couldn’t provide for them in severe cases so theyd be dropped on orphanages and psychiatric hospitals)., so he has some first hand experiene with what autism is. It isn’t something for him in all honesty, after so much trauma and hardship in his life he is at peace that peopleare different and their brains are rarely wired the same

-he also know he isn’t ideal, he acts really stupid when he is drunk and his alcohol consumption alone is a very big problem for any relationship he ever had in his life and i doubt he is the image of psychological perfection, but he also knows that if you are willing to keep him around you have seen him wasted out of his mind, he is more than willing to put up with anyof your quirks or difficulties.

-you want to stim? go ahead he’ll leave the room/the house so you can stim to your hearts content, you want to stay? sure thing lass, hell sit in a corner and drink a bit while you have your thing. Work/ school/ home life is stress full and you are in the verge of a breakdown? he has already wrapped you like a burrito and he is holding you while you cry/vent, you dont want to be touched at that moment? hell take you to an open field and you can blow things up to get all those feelings out of you. He isn’t ideal, he is at peace with that, but now that you appeared in his life, you became the apple of his eye. He’ll cherish you and protect you both as body but as a mind and a soul for whatever shit life throws at you, he was never one to back down a challenge.

Heavy

-due to the language barrier and his nature as a quiet man it’ll take him some time. If you bring it up he’ll simply nod and run to Medic or Spy for translation. He isn’t shy to do a doctors worth of research so he knows what he has to deal with, he knows his english is broken and would prefer to have a migraine over the amount of books hes read than make you feel uncomfortable. Probably will ask advice from Medic ( the most qualified on the team) untill hes satisfied he knows enough.

-probably the sanest of the mercs, but he isn’t perfection. He had to endure famine and death from very early in his life, always be the stone his family anchored on and most people on his life, so he has his own big problems. At one side he is used to so many things, he is somewhat indiferent. You aren’t harming anyone nor its life threatening, so it doesnt really change what he feels about you. All people have flaws, noones perfect and if they do think they are perfect, they are very, very wrong. I won’t lie to you, some times hell get confuse with your behavior or will get tired of being the “ anchor” of the relationship, but he will never admit it. He survived the Gulags and years in Siberia, this is nothing but a walk in the park for him. He isn’t a fuckboy, he doesn’t want you just for some fuck and then hell forget you exist, he is much more sentimental than he appears to be. He beginned this with you because he sees you more than a body, he sees you as someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with even if itll be a challenge, he was never a quiter and he wont be now.

- don’t expect much communication help from him, unless its in russian. But whenever you feel the tiniest bit of self-doubt or anxiety his arms are open to embrace and warm you with his love. He might was raised among anarchy and war, but he is a gentle giant with a heart bigger than Russia herself. He knows you two will struggle especially on the communication domain but he is willing to do what it takes to make your life easier/ less challenging. He came here to stay, only if you allow him

Medic

-Arguably the most medically qualified of the mercs, but considering the era of his studies hes at least rusty on modern terminology and general understanding of what autism is. Nontheless his a doctor ( with or without a medical license) and i doubt he ever followed the rules of ethical and unethical medicine. He is a healer primeraly and he can’t claim to be the most mentaly stable of the team.

-he might be many things, he knows hes at least crazy by normal standards and has made extremely questionable choices in his life,but he cares for the people he is close to, lovers and collagues alike. He won’t try to ‘change’or ‘medicate’ you; unless you specifically ask him for, like yes he has defied any sort of ethical medicine and has played god many times in his life, but he knows that if he changes you, you won’t be ‘you’. You will be you still, but nothing more than a lobotomized version of yourself and he fears that. Let’s be real, he probably choosed you because you are a smart individual ( that includes both street and book smarts alike) so if he “killed” your smart he would essentially kill you and this doesnt sit well with him.

-feeling down? no worries, the doctor is here ( afterhe finis hes re-connecting snipers new kidneys). Stressed? Archimedes will be your own personal cheerleader and the rest of the flock won’t let you all stressed and alone while Medic is working. In the simplest of works,he wants you to know that he might be a madman on the field and the medbay, but he is also your lover and that means he cares about you. He doesnt care if act a lil strange or you have some special things about you, guess what? he doesnt cares. H e never cared and he will never cared, all the greatest minds had something special about them and you are no exception. He chosed to have a relationship with you and you accepted the love request of a surgery-happy maniac , im sure he is beyond equiped to handle you in all aspects. He might not be the most touchy but he will make his point across that you are someone who means wayy to much for him to change

Sniper

- ( i highly think he is autistic, just the way hes potrayed in most fanfics he acts lowkey autistic, mostly in the communication and sociable part) growing up in the middle of nowhere probably he has never even heard ‘autism’ as a word , so his very lost. (another headcanon of mine is that he is also iliterate) You need to explain to him what autism is and how it affects your life. He has a non-pleasant expression on his face, because he realises most things that you say what that “autism”is and the thing it has are things he actually has and felt throughout his life. He looks like hes having a religious expierience and when you are done he only nods and hugs you almost mechanically.

-he will need some time, not because ofyou, but because of him. You might think he is breaking up with, butin reality he just needs some time alone to sit down and think about all the things you said. Its one of the biggest revalations he has experienced on his life and it has hit him like a wall of bricks.

- after a few days he will return to the base and will ask you to meet with him on the most secluded of his snipers nest. While you prepare for the upcoming breakup, he actually showers and wears somet hing nice for the first time in a while. He goes out of his way to make the sniper nest a bit more “ comfortable” even bribe spy into giving him one of his fancy wines. Once you go up the nest and you two meet, he is the most clingy he has ever been and almost drinks the whole bottle out of pure anxiety. Once his tipsy enough he actually confesses that from the things you said, he found out hes also autistic. Que him basically clinging you like a broken koala baby while half-sobbing to expell all the tension he has inside him. Please pet his hair and rub his back,he will melt and quit his rugged manly man persona for that moment. He needs you there, he needs your soft touch to ground him while his whole life comes crushing down and a weight he never imagined is being lifted from his shoulders.After that, its quaranteed you two won’t be seperated ever again, he needs you to ease all this pain he has gathered from his troubled life and he will provide you the world and the stars.

Spy

- he knows what autism is( as a spy he should know about human psychology/mental disorders just to know how to impersonate any person with or without issues) and he is a very observant man. He has above average attention span and knows how to read body language so he has figured you are autistic a long time ago. He is just waiting for you to open up about it or confess it, but he also knows the social stigma around autism so he keeps his mouth shut because he really doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable or ‘naked’ in front of him

- i heavily headcanon him to be at least depressed/having an ugly anxiety disorder or even a dissosiative disorder considering a big part of his life is carefully crafted theater , so he can’t say he is any more better than you.Furthermore he never really cared about what society thinks about mental ilnesses, whos here to judge who sane and not? he has seen so much shady things behind closed doors of “ pure” people he has lost all respect for what society thinks its normal and what is weird or not acceptable. Yes he follows the rules of “good” society but thats more of a habit than a need. Plus have you seen what the good ol’ society behind close doors? yap youll need a good bible study and some church to wash away the sins.

-eventually when you confess to him,he doesn’t really act. He knows its a heavyemotinal moment for you but he can’t open up for his own problems, at least now. But he will embrace you for now and say all the sweet words you need to hear...untill the same time he gets drunker than he can and confesses to you in french all his psychological troubles while he cries on your chest. He won’t let go unless he wants to vomit and he will cling to you for dear life while he experiences one of the ugliest meltdowns he has experienced in the last decade. Probably will wake up with a monster of a hangover, but once he feels you wrapped around him and feel your heartbeat on the bones of his back something will meltin him. He will gather whatever strenght he has, turn around, give you one of the most genuine smiles he has ever given in his entire life and peck your lips bore he starts whining and requiesting you to either kill him or fetch medic. Perhaps one day hell say all the things he wants to say in you mother tongoue but for now, just know he will cherish you and love you like the most exquisite poetry that has graced his life

#tf2 #tf2 imagines #tf2 facts #tf2 self insert #tf2 spy #tf2 scout #tf2 soldier #tf2 pyro #tf2 medic #tf2 heavy #tf2 sniper #tf2 engie #tf2 demo #so #all #long post #autism #relationships dynamic #mentall health

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theperplexityoftheunknown · 3 years

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What is a relationship to be continued

You may ask yourself why this is Important yet it is very important! We will discuss Why they are important to your well being and what type of person you are in a relationship? I think if you take the time to read this post in its entirety and intense complexity you will have a better understanding of where you are in life and what more you can become by understanding the perplexity of every relation to man or relationship because trust me THIS BABY is going to get TOUGH.

Lets start of with the first question what is a relationship

the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other. : a romantic or sexual friendship between two people. : the way in which two or more people or things are connected.

Please go ahead and read one more time because that may or may not be the closest thing of a relationship to that you have a mutual relation and understanding of but its way, way more complex just keep reading.

Each relationship we have encountered has been determined by how we were raised Im going to refer to some quick psycho-social information coming from a study introduced during world war 2 by British psychoanalyst john bowbly, whose lonely childhood gave him a lifelong interest in the power of parenthood.

In the 1970s a test was conducted by Bowlby’s student Mary Ainsworth. She performed the strange situation test where children that's age ranged from 12-18 months were put in a toy-filled room with their mother and given a chance to play. A stranger enters and interacts with the parent and child,then mom exited the room-- leaving behind a confused and alarmed little kid. A few minutes later mom returned and comforted her toddler. Needless to say being separated from the person who feeds, protects, and tends to you is frighting for any toddler, but the test showed definite categories of reaction to that fear.

Why is this important ?

Early Attachment.

As seen above you can see that a study was conducted concerning attachment styles. It's important because it is with this information that you find out what type of relationships You are going to be compatible with. Some types absolutely do not collide but if you think this is all about “how do i form a relationship” well keep reading because its not possible for everyone.

1 Secure, when it is evident to have a secure attachment style when the parenting style was: Warm, attentive,relatively consistent, and quick to respond based on that approach the child's Baseline Emotional Status (BES) would have been happy, confident, and curious which would have subconsciously continues into adulthood with the Child’s expectation of life being: My need will be met

2. Anxious -Ambivalent/resistant, it is evident to have an anxious attachment style when the parenting style was: Inconsistent: sometimes responsive and sometimes not. The Child's BES would have been Insecure, anxious, and intensely emotional which in return would have subconsciously continued into adulthood with the child's expectation of life being: “IF i act in the right ways, I might earn love and my needs may be met”

3. Avioident- ,it is evident to have a avoidant attachment style when the parenting style was: Distant and Cold, or harsh and critical. The child's BES would have been Emotionally shut down which in return would have subconsciously continued into adulthood with the child's expectation of life being: “I can't trust anyone to meet my needs. I must meet my own needs.

Im sure your getting the idea of why this is now important

Lets looks at three statements

1 I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them. I don't often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.

2. I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn't really love me or doesn't want to stay with me. I want to get very close to my partner, and this sometimes scares people away.

3 i am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others: i find it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and often, love partners want me to be more intimate than i feel comfortable being

In 1987 psychologist cindy hazan and philip shaver reported the results of the statements above they called it the ‘love quiz’

56% of adults respondents had identified themselves as secure, 19% as anxious and 25% as avoidant

The perfect combination

Secure people tend to have the most secure relationships, and a relationship needs only ONE secure partner to get that stability. With a partner who is happy to give reassurance and isn't threatened by the idea of being needed, an anxious person can relax, and is often loyal and loving. With someone who doesn't take it personally when their partner wants time alone,avoidant people can worry less about being tied down- however, most of the compromises in the relationship will likely be made by the secure partner. The real problem comes when two insecure types get together. If relationships often get messy for you, learning to recognize attachment styles and understanding how they clash can give you a path through the conflict

But then again Here comes perhaps the most perlex question i can ask? What happens in adult hood when you experience the pain and turama of a heartbreak?

What particularly does that do to each individual and how do they cope?

Do some people perhaps just shut down! Absolutely not! One subconsciously gains the ability to cope with their losses how? Lets start with:

Sexual compulsion – Relationship with sex, attachment and sexual orientation

I know your wondering What the Fuck where did this just turn to but trust me, or dont but you may or may not want to hear this or perhaps your brain craves the knowledge to understand and you ask yourself why your life is working in the way it is; remembemer its all in you!

I believe the first coping skill for some may be Hypersexuallity which I will refer to later.

2. I believe a conduct Disorder DSM-IV-TR 314.9 Is primary consistent with feelings of Emotional shock from a previous ‘heartbreaking’ or traumatic event.

I will explain. I'm going to refer to the diagnostic features of conduct disorder which manifest itself as a repetitive and persistent pattern in which the basic rights of others or major age-appropriate societal norms or rules are violated. These behaviours fall into four main groupings” Criteria A1-A7 aggressive conduct that causes or threatens physical harm to other people or animals .

Or see criteria A8-A9 nonaggressive conduct that causes property loss or damage Or see A9 - A13, DECEITFULNESS OR THEFT

It is definite that promiscuous behavior is dangerous therefore someone engaging in Criteria a1-a7 w/o aggression and associated with parts or in hole with A8-9

Furthermore the prevalence of conduct disorder appears to have increased over the last decades and may be higher in urban than in rural settings.

Course.

Individuals with conduct disorder are at risk for later mood disorders, anxiety disorders, somatoform disorders, and substance related disorders.

Sexual addiction, also known as hypersexual disorder, is associated with serious psychosocial problems for many people.

Sexual addiction, which is also known as hypersexual disorder, has been associated with serious psychosocial problems for many people although it has not been recognized as a disorder that merits inclusion in the DSM (Quadland, 1985) – see Karila et al. (2014) for review. Originally, Carnes (1983)published a book titled Out of the shadows: Understanding sexual addiction, which has raised interest in the area and facilitated a discussion on the best way to define and diagnose the disorder. Despite different views about pathological characteristics of sexual addiction there is an agreement that this is a progressive relapsing condition which does not merely refer to a pathological diagnosis of sexual lifestyle that is socially deviant (Edger, 2010).

Sexual addiction involves compulsive behaviors such as constantly seeking new sexual partners, having frequent sexual encounters, engaging in compulsive masturbation and frequently using pornography. Despite efforts to reduce or stop excessive sexual behaviors individuals find it difficult to stop and they engage in risky sexual activities, pay for sexual services and resist behavioral changes to avert HIV risk (Carnes, 1991; Coleman-Kennedy & Pendley, 2002; Coleman, Raymond & McBean, 2003; Kalichman & Rompa, 1995). Sexual compulsivity has been associated with the number of unprotected vaginal sex acts with female sexual workers, lower self-efficacy for condom use, greater use of illicit drugs, and more financial need (Semple et al., 2010).

Cognitive and emotional symptoms include obsessive thoughts of sex, feelings of guilt about excessive sexual behavior, the desire to escape from or suppress unpleasant emotions, loneliness, boredom, low self-esteem, shame, secrecy regarding sexual behaviors, rationalization about the continuation of sexual behaviors, indifference toward a regular sexual partner, a preference for anonymous sex, a tendency to disconnect intimacy from sex, and an absence of control in many aspects of life (Carnes, 2000, 2001; Carnes & Schneider, 2000; Coleman et al., 2003; Coleman-Kennedy & Pendley, 2002). Finally, some studies find that sexual addiction is associated with or in response to dysphoric affects (Black, Kehrberg, Flumerfelt & Schlosser, 1997; Raymond, Coleman & Miner, 2003; Reid, 2007; Reid, Carpenter, Spackman & Willes, 2008; Reid & Carpenter, 2009) or stressful life events (Miner et al., 2007).

Attachment theory (Bowlby, 1979, 1982) argued that early attachment experiences affect personal and social life, professional relationships, dealing with stress, mental and physical health and cognitive development. According to recent developments in attachment theory, those who developed a safe attachment style which is not anxious or avoidant during infancy can form healthy relationships in adolescence and adulthood and handle life problems (Uytun, Oztop, Esel & Mdusunen, 2013). Individuals with secure attachment are expected to have low chances of becoming addicted to sex since they regulate and limit their sexual activity more than those with insecure attachment (Zapf, Greiner & Carroll, 2008). Furthermore, individuals who are addicted to sex are looking for sexual activity without the need for emotional relationships and they are more likely to be characterized by avoidant or anxious attachment (Gentzler & Kerns, 2004).

Gay men are diverse with respect to the sexual behaviors they both desire and enact (Moskowitz & Roloff, 2010; Sanderson, 1994). Moreover, gay men differ from other groups in their sexual behavior. Research shows that, on average, gay men have more partners, engage in more risky sexual behavior, and are more likely to seek sexual sensation than other groups, such as heterosexual men, women and lesbians (Bailey, Gaulin, Agyei & Gladue, 1994; Ekstrand, Stall, Paul, Osmond & Coates, 1999; Thompson, Yager & Martin, 1993). But among homosexual men there is variability in the propensity to engage in compulsive unprotected sex. Meyer and Dean (1995) have reported that about 6% of their 149 young New York City gay men (aged 18–24 years) engaged in very high risk behavior, defined as unprotected receptive anal intercourse with multiple partners. It appears that very high risk takers are qualitatively different from other risk takers: they reported more mental health problems, including more drug use and higher levels of internalized homophobia and AIDS-related traumatic stress response. Furthermore, there are moderators of sexual behavior among gay men such as being in monogamous relationships. Also sexual health and sexual health behaviors for example sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) were most influential over the enactment of sexual behavior or desires (Moskowitz & Roloff, 2010).

Few studies investigated sexual compulsivity among heterosexual and homosexual men. Furthermore, to the best of our knowledge, the relationships between compulsive sexual behavior and attachment and sexual preference or orientation have not been investigated before. We have therefore investigated sexual compulsivity and attachment style among populations of heterosexual and homosexual men and women. We hypothesized that secure attachment would be associated with lower rates of sex compulsion. Secondly, that homosexual men and women would show higher levels of sexual compulsivity than heterosexual men and women. Thirdly, we hypothesized that attachment style might mediate between sexual orientation and sexual compulsion.

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spadedraws · 4 years

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Wait huh? Aren't you the one always trying to go outside the box whether it comes to fusion rules or au's? Being off color/defective doesn't mean short. Tbh, I feel as if it's their au and they should do what they please(your words of course)and transphobic or not, someone's bound to get butt hurt or disagree over it. No harm towards you at all and I am against transphobia but...you don't think you're looking in to it too much?

Putting aside your quite obvious tone of patronization; Yes I am the one who always tries to go outside the box when it comes to fusion rules and AUs! However, this isnt exactly the same. Discussing a headcanon for how fusion works is entirely different from regulating and informing yourself on the harmful media and representation trans people are subjected to on the daily.

Secondly, I never stated that the gem had to be short to be offcolor or defective, though I understand how the words i said could be interpreted that way. Someone came to me for advice, and I gave them the advice they asked for. They can make their Amethyst equivalent defective in any ways they’d like, be that too tall, too skinny, wonky arms, too short, too fat, really any type of bodily figure that goes outside the norm for the quartz of that type. I only gave one rule, again a rule they asked for: Dont make the gem’s defect their gender identity otherwise it could have some negative implications towards trans people in general. Do they have to follow this rule? I mean on a technicality no, they dont! But they suffer the consequences of putting themself at risk on a platform and media that is safe for the people they are (hypothetically) actively harming.

Since you’re so quick to analyze my wording however, (i.e. that little bit about “your words of course” was rude and you know it) let’s analyze yours, shall we? You state that you’re against transphobia, yet in the sentence directly before you say “transphobic or not, someone’s bound to get butthurt or disagree over it”. Interesting how that works out huh? You’re not transphobic..... except for when its just trans people getting “butthurt” about it. You could apply that to any context and it would still be just as wrong.

“racist or not, someone’s bound to get butthurt or disagree over it”

“sexist or not, someone’s bound to get butthurt or disagree over it”

“xenophobic or not, someone’s bound to get butthurt or disagree over it”

Just because a particular issue, ANY particular issue, is not relavent to YOU, doesnt mean that there aren’t people who are harmed by the issue. It still exist, and it still needs to be regulated regardless of how you feel.

Furthermore i wanna look at this little line right here:

“No harm towards you at all and I am against transphobia but...you don't think you're looking in to it too much?”

Im focusing on the second half really, but notice how you say, “you dont think you’re looking in to it too much?” No actually I dont!

How is it that, I get asked a question on MY platform, by a person who wants to know MY opinion on a particular topic, and then I go to a direct source for the answer, yet im looking into it too much?

Despite the tone of that text, I am genuinely curious on that one! Do you not research into topics that you’re asked about??? If I asked you, how many days would it take you to travel the world’s entire circumference walking in one straight line, and you consulted an expert on the weather patterns and the gear you would need and the physical stress your body would endure over that amount of time, is it fair for me to say you’re looking too much into it?

The correct answer for that one is: no.

If I’m looking for a legitimate answer to a question, you should want to provide me with the most intelligible response. Thats not looking too much into it, thats called educating yourself and educating others.

Going back to the original subject, and I’ll try to keep it brief since I’ve been talking for a long time now: My main point is that trans people deserve to be treated with respect. They didnt have this right for such a long time. Im doing my part in making trans people feel comfortable in these spaces. If you have a problem with me teaching people how to respectfully write their characters, we can have a one on one discussion in the private messaging system if you’d like. But dont you dare come on anon and tell me that im wrong for treating my friends with the respect they deserve and teaching others to do the same.

#Anyways this will probably be the last of this discussion i will post unless someone is asking a genuine question in a resepctful manner #sorry for this hella long rant yall but i had to respond fully or not at all #spadetalks #aka spadetalks too much #long post

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reignmyworld · 5 years

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A dream is a wish your heart makes Part 9 - Roman Reigns x Reader

Note: Please note that this series takes place in a Harry Potter respectively Hogwarts AU, so you will stumble over names like Snape or Dumbledore but without much storyline to them.

Summary: Roman Reigns, the new Defense Against Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts. You, one of the smartest students of the Hogwarts University, in your last year… You didn’t think that you could ever dislike a professor more than Severus Snape and yet here he was, Roman Reigns. You couldn’t stand him just like he couldn’t stand you. However, you are forced to question whether you really disliked him as much as you thought when your best friend gave you a special gift for your birthday - a glass ball that’s supposed to treasure your heart’s desire. As you realized what your heart desired the most, it left you in shock and no one, especially not Roman, was allowed to see it. But what happens when you lose it and it ends up in the wrong hands?

Warnings: Hogwarts AU, angst, comfort, fluff

Pairing: Roman Reigns x Reader

To read the other parts, please search for “A dream is a wish your heart makes” on my blog.

Tag List: @queenofthearchitect @trixdeee @calwitch @alexisbagans143 @the-queens-reign @mermaid-at-heart @taryn-dibiase @kyrathegreat985 @kingslayers-reign @scuzmunkie @happelu970 @vebner37 @nikora3010 @deadpoolgirl23 @aria725 @mzerry1d @bluedestinystranger @ashhdaniellee95 @castingtheshadow @roman-hetfield @lustyromantic @i-dont-care-i-ship-it-69 @easyobsession @calicina @neganlangdon @laochbaineann (Please let me know in case of the mentions not working. Furthermore please let me know if you want to be added to /taken off the tag list.)

Several moments later you found yourself in Dumbledore's office, sitting next to Roman, facing the old wizard, that was resting his head on his hands on the other side of the desk. He remained silent for quite some time and you didn't dare to speak either. Roman must have noticed how uncomfortable you were as he didn't care about the headmaster sitting on the opposite side of you as he was holding your hand, rubbing his thumb in circles over it, trying to calm you down. You gave him a weak smile that he returned without any second thoughts. Dumbledore, who had known you since you started your first day at Hogwarts at the age of 10, was eyeing you as he wanted to know: "So Y/N, I assume that you were telling the whole truth after what Y/EX/N had accused you of, haven't you?" You knew that denying it would have been senseless and you didn't intend to do so either, so you nodded your head, stating: "Yes I had been telling the truth, professor."

"I already thought so.", he mumbled, shifting his eyes from you to Roman and back, making you move uncomfortably under his glance. You had no idea how Roman could stay so calm as the suspension was almost unbearable for you but you assumed that he had some private conversations with the headmaster before and was used to his behavior because of that. Dumbledore took his time before he started: "Y/N... Roman... I guess I don't need to tell you that relationships between teachers and students aren't always allowed and they often bring consequences with themselves...." Before he could continue, however, Roman was joining the conversation, saying: "Albus with all due respect, I don't want to interrupt you but I just would like to say something in advance. I'm quite aware that it isn't right in the minds of a lot of people and you know that I'm the last person to speak my feelings, but I love that woman next to me and I won't stop doing so, just because anyone tells me to. I never thought, that I would be able to love but then Y/N came along and turned my world upside down. And I won't let anyone destroy that. I know, that it was my duty as a teacher to not let anything like that happen, but the truth is, I was weak. I tried to fight it, tried to bottle up my feelings, but I couldn't do so any longer and I'm not regretting it one bit. The only thing I'm regretting is, should there be possible consequences for Y/N. Whatever you decide, whatever decision you have to make, I'm begging you, let me carry it on my own. If one of us has to leave, I'm willing to pack my stuff. As much as it would pain me, but I'm willing to start anew somewhere else like I had done in the past, knowing now that it would be different, that I wouldn't have the same fears I had to face before. But whatever you are doing, Albus, please don't push those consequences on the woman next to me."

You couldn't help but tear up as you were hearing his words. You knew how terrible it was for him to start his life anew, trying to fit in only to be confronted with the same hate again and again. Your heart broke for him and you couldn't let that happen. If you had to go, that only meant that you would have to graduate somewhere else but your life would pretty much stay the same although you couldn't see him regularly for the next few months. But having to leave Hogwarts would certainly have not the same huge impact on you as it would have for him. You searched for his eyes, saying, your voice heavy with emotion: "Ro, no. Don't do this." before adding without even looking at the old headmaster: "If you have to expel me, Professor, please go ahead and do so."

You saw how Roman was shaking his head but before he could protest you heard the deep chuckles of the old wizard, that looked at the both of you rather amused. You were confused as to what that meant and you could tell that Roman felt the same. Before any of you, however, could say anything, Dumbledore stated: "Roman, I really appreciate the things you had let me known right now and Y/N, it didn't surprise me one bit, that you were willing to take possible consequences as well. But neither of you let me finish in the first place. What I wanted to say is, that some people are not content with relationships like that, however, when those are mentioned, most people assume it to be students in their senior school years and not in their last year of university." He was winking at you before he continued: "I'm not going to expel you, Y/N and I'm neither going to fire you, Roman. And I certainly won't tell you that your relationship has to end. I may be old, but I understand completely what it means to love someone from the bottom of one's heart and I also understand how hard it can be fighting for that love, especially if there are obstacles in the way. I had asked you to follow me into my office as I wanted to tell you, Y/N, that I'm rather impressed of you speaking your mind in front of anyone, probably knowing what some people with their limited minds think about that. And I want you both to know that you have my blessing as stupid as this may sound. Neither myself nor any of the other teachers will say anything against your relationship and as for Y/EX/N, I can assure you that he will be the only one facing consequences due to his behavior. I guess I haven't forgotten anything, so if you want to excuse me now... I'm old and I can already hear my bed calling."

You couldn't even tell who looked more perplex, whether it was you or Roman, but it definitely took some time unless you had processed everything Dumbledore had just said. A huge smile spread across your face as you whispered: "Thank you so much, Professor." and you could tell that Roman was overwhelmed as well, as he was shaking Dumbledore's hand, thanking him for his understanding and his gratitude. He helped you to your feet as you were heading for the door but before you could leave, you were held back by Dumbledore as he said: "Oh Roman, just one thing. Those attacks by Voldemort entering your mind... Are they still happening?" You looked at him in shock as he nodded his head, assuming that he must have talked to the headmaster about them before. "I already thought so. Please try to focus more on your occlumency and while you're at it, please make sure that Y/N learns how to use it as well. You are both vulnerable and our main priority should be now to keep you both save no matter what.", the old man said with Roman nodding his head, smiling slightly as he answered: "Thank you, Albus, I definitely will. Have a good night." He put his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer as you leaned into his embrace and with a mumbled "Good night", you left the headmaster's office.

It didn’t take long until you had walked down the staircase, finding yourself on an empty floor again. You were way too overwhelmed by anything, that had happened, to actually grasp a clear thought. "Are you alright, baby?", you heard Roman's voice with you slowly nodding your head. You turned round to face him as you you gave him a little smile. "Yes, just a little shaken. I wouldn't have expected Dumbledore's reaction to be so positive.", you said relieved, hugging your boyfriend without thinking about it twice. And Roman didn't seem to mind either as he was holding you close, his chin resting on your head. You heard him mumble: "Me neither sweetheart. I don't know how I should thank you..." You peeked up at him, wanting to know: "What for?"

"What for? Y/N, no-one has taken my side ever. When you told that asshole off, I... I don't know how I should thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me."

"Don't tell me that you're turning sentimental now.", you laughed but before he had the chance to reply something, you added: "Roman, I love you and I couldn't care less who knows about it. Hearing those nasty words from Y/EX/N hurt me beyond I could probably tell you. I don't want to hear anyone talking about you like that. And I hope that you know, that none of this is true. I could never despise you, I could never hate you. I just hope, that people around here would be courageous enough to see you for who you are and not for what your family stands." You could tell, that your words were moving him as he leaned down to you, his lips meeting yours in a gentle kiss. You were aware, that you were at full display, that everyone that would walk over this floor now, would see you, but you didn't care. You wrapped your hands around his neck, shifting closer to his body, deepening the kiss. You were not willing to let go of him, not now that you finally had the permission to be with him.

As you broke apart after what felt like an eternity, he was smiling down at you, resting his forehead against yours, whispering: "I love you baby. You have no idea how hard I had to fight myself in the Great Hall to not become that dark wizard everyone thinks I am. When I heard that asshole talk to you like that I really wanted to rip his head off. If it hadn't been for Dumbledore, I guess you could visit me in Azkaban right now." You cupped his cheek as you mumbled: "Forget him. He's not worth it, not one single bit. I have an idea. How about I stay with you tonight Professor and we can talk about anything that had happened before?" You saw a sly smirk on his lips and you couldn't help but chuckle as he reminded you more of his usual self. "Miss Y/L/N, I have to warn you. You staying over night could result in a rather short night and a lot of tiredness you have to sit through the next morning.", he winked at you, his voice absolutely amused. You had to laugh as you reminded him that the first lectures you would have the next day were with him anyway.

"Sleeping in your lesson probably only results in more detention and I'm certainly not complaining about that.", you giggled. He was giving you another sweet kiss before he reached for your hand, interlacing his fingers with yours, guiding you to his apartment. On your way there, there were a few students seeing you and you could tell, that they were still shocked by seeing you together but you didn't care. And if Roman did, he at least was a master at hiding it. When you were sure that no-one was around and no-one was listening, you wanted to know: "Ro? Those dreams Dumbledore had mentioned?" You noticed how he slightly stiffened but you just needed to know. "Yes?", he asked quietly with you answering: "How often do they happen? And for how long are they already happening?"

He thought about it as if he wasn't sure whether he should confront you with the truth but in the end he decided to do so. "They are basically happening every night. You can train it, you can build your walls strong but as soon as you are aware of it, you kind of notice little things, that give away whether someone wants to enter your mind. And I'm feeling them almost every night although they differ. So I guess it's not just Voldemort trying to invade my consciousness but also probably my father. Sometimes it gets hard to fight them off and after you had found me that one day, they managed to enter once or twice afterwards but somehow I was able to defend myself. I woke up before they succeeded in planting those terrible images of you being tortured again. For how long? Basically shortly after I had met you, so probably a little more than three years." You knew that it was not your fault, knew that you couldn't prevent it, but you nevertheless were feeling guilty, that he had to go through something as terrible as that just because he dared to love you.

Before you could stop yourself, tears were falling on your cheeks. "I'm so sorry", you whispered quietly, making Roman stop in his tracks right away. You were not far from his home as he was turning to you, gently lifting your chin with his index finger, locking eyes with you. He studied your face, realizing that you felt guilty for what happened to him. His heart ached upon that realization. "Don't you ever say that again. It is not your fault. You are the best thing, that could have happen to me in this god forsaken, cruel world. I love you more than words can say, more than my own life. Those dreams, those invasions in my mind aren't your fault, baby girl. If anything, it is my fault, that you are at stake, that you are a potential target. But I'm making sure that nothing happens to you and if that is the last thing that I'm doing."

"I know, that it is not my fault. It's just... I don't know. I just wish, that I could carry part of that burden, that is resting upon your shoulders.", you whispered, giving him a sad smile, almost drowning in the depth of his eyes. Before he had the chance to answer, you wanted to know: "Do you really think, that they could enter my mind as well? I mean since Dunbledore had mentioned. that I should learn to use occlumency." He looked at you with a sad expression, replying: "I think, that there is a risk, yes. They have seen in my thoughts how much you mean to me, how important you are to me, how much I love you. This knowledge made you their target as well. They have a sadistic satisfaction in seeing others suffer. On the one hand they still want me to pay for my betrayal and on the other... well, I'm pretty sure that they want to see you suffer, probably in more than just one way. They probably want to see you suffer on an emotional level by showing you pictures of your loved ones being tortured. They probably want you to feel physical pain as well as a punishment, that you let me in your life. As Dumbledore said, our main priority should be to stay safe."

You were listening closely, fear growing in you, not being able to say at first why as you were not afraid for your own life. You couldn't grasp it at first until it finally hit you. You couldn't hide the slight shaking of your body and the fear in your voice as you whispered: "My family... I... he's not going to harm them, is he?" Roman shook his head although you could tell, that he was not absolutely honest with you, trying to calm you down by saying: "No, I'm making sure that nothing happens to them." You shifted closer to him, burying your face in his broad chest, wrapping your hands around his torso. Roman was holding you close, not saying a word for what felt like an eternity. You could hear some whispered words in the background but you couldn't care less as you tried to calm down, tried to fight back the fear, that had overcome you as you were picturing your family being tortured. You could hear Roman's whispered voice, a deep sadness in it, as he said: "Baby, I don't want to get you or your family harmed. I don't want you to fear for them. I want to keep all of you safe. So maybe we should just forget about us, maybe..."

Before he could continue, you interrupted him as you looked up at him, holding his gaze, saying whole heartedly: "Don't you dare to continue that sentence. I love you and I'm not willing to let you go, no matter how scared I might be. I'm trusting you that we're finding a way to keep them save but not being with you is not an option. You understand me?" It hurt you to see that stubborn man so vulnerable and yet it made you love him even more. You could tell, that he was trapped in an inner fight, that he wanted to toss you away for your and your family's sake and at the same time he wanted to keep you as close as somehow possible.

As soon as you saw him nodding his head, you let out a small sigh of relief, promising yourself, that you would make this work, that all of you would be safe, no matter what. "I won't let anything happen to you or your loved ones.", he mumbled as you gave him a tiny smile, whispering: "I know. And you better make sure that nothing will happen to you either." You realized that by now you and him were the only ones on that floor, continuing with your way to his apartment. As soon as you reached it, you sat down to discuss everything, that had happened that evening and before you could think twice, you were falling asleep in his arms, a dreamless sleep overwhelming you.

The next days were rather unspectacular. You had spent more times in Roman's apartment than in your own dorm and although there were a few nasty looks and comments here and there, all in all no-one dared to talk behind your back about your relationship to your professor. Even your ex-boyfriend, who had not been sent off university but had to do some social work instead to pay for what he had done, stayed in his place, shooting you some deathly glares here and there but that was about it. Roman made sure, that he and you had enough time for yourselves whenever you were alone although he never forgot Dumbledore's plea to teach you occlumency. And since he had sentenced you to detention each Friday quite some time ago, he made sure to use that time wisely by letting you know everything you had to know to master that task.

You were aware that it was not easy, but you would have never expected it to be that hard to lock your mind, to build a wall around it, to lock everything and everyone out. It was only your third session and although you were actually pretty good with learning new things and adapting to them, you had the impression, that you would never be able to learn occlumency. You stood on the opposite site of Roman, a pile of pillows on the floor behind you, in case you should get dizzy and fall down like you had done before. "You need to concentrate", Roman said seriously, sounding more like his usual professor self than your boyfriend, as you snapped: "What do you think I'm doing? Counting sheep and daydreaming? I try to concentrate but my head hurts and I'm feeling absolutely exposed."

You didn't have any secrets from him, of course not, and you were not afraid to let him enter your mind, but it made you extremely vulnerable, realizing that Roman could read every single thought, that he could see every single memory if he really wanted to. And although he tried not to do so, he had stumbled over a few of them already. He had seen how you bawled your eyes out when you were a kid as you lost your parents for a few moments at a crowded fair, fearing that you might never seen them again. He had seen how embarrassed you felt when a pack of tampons flew out of your school bag in the middle of the class room at the beginning of your puberty. He had seen how you got into a fist fight during one of your vacations when you were in your teenage years and someone dared to make fun of your friend.

Of course, you were not ashamed that he knew about it, you didn't even mind him knowing, but it just showed you how accessible your memories and thoughts were. How easy it was to get to them if he wasn't even trying it particularly but more or less just stumbled into them. And it made you panicky as you realized what kind of damage could be done if someone like Voldemort or one of his death eaters really entered your mind with full purpose. "Voldemort does not care whether your head hurts. He won't wait until you’re rested and wait for him to enter your mind. He wants you to be exposed, wants to see what's going on in your head, wants to mess with your memories until you are a broken mess.", Roman stated, his voice louder than before. You knew that he just meant well, that he wanted to push you to give your best, to learn it as fast as possible so you could protect your mind but you felt as if he was pushing you into the wrong direction. "For fuck's sake, Ro, I know it. I know all of that. Do you really think, that it is fun for me not being able to use it? Do you really think the thought of this bastard entering my mind isn't scary for me?", you snapped back at him. You knew, that you should stay calm, knew that he had to mess with your emotions if he wanted to you to learn it the best you could and nevertheless you fell for it, feeling unarmed when you heard his sharp: "Legilimens" You tried to close your mind, tried to lock him out, but you couldn't.

#roman reigns fanfiction #roman reigns x reader #roman reigns x you #roman reigns #roman reigns imagine #reader insert #roman reigns story #roman reigns fanfic #roman reigns series #hogwarts series #hogwarts au #angst #comfort #fluff #roman reigns angst #roman reigns comfort #roman reigns fluff

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not-tryin-2-have-a-debate · 5 years

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Not to complain abt lateral aggression online but you know that cycle of transphobic women severely misunderstanding the experience of trans men and their complicated relationship with misogyny despite not being women but then also trans men severely misunderstanding misogyny becuase of their complicated experience with having to deal with the fallout of it despite not being women

Yknow that circling piss pool

It seems like whenever i see a discussion of misogyny and like...how children are taught to live under and emulate it. Theres this disgusting mess of transphobes and terfs extrapolating reality out to their theories on "socialization"...but then there are also like 20 transmasc weirdos who are like trying to distance themselves from it and end up essentially saying misogyny or the aspect of it being discussed is fake and all these women are lying bc 'well I grew up as a gurl and it wasnt like that for ME' as if 1. Feeling disconnected from being a girl because you werent one had No Effect on how you viewed girls and how you were treated bc people assumed you were a girl??? Are you fucking sure????? 2.just like...lol at men thinking its progressive and good for them to deny misogyny generally? Lol @ men trying to distance themselves from their role in misogyny...especially men you would expect to have more compassion since they were like a mistakeb target of it...but nope! That just becomes a new excuse to say they cant do a misogyny that goes largely unchecked

Like....if you are aware that your trans or your not

A starting point is feeling a kind of disconnect from the group youre "meant" to be part of

When that group is women, youre inevitably going to also be disconnected in some way from the pain that comes from misogyny, bc on sone level it doesnt feel "meant for" you. Thats someone elses experience. When it happens to you its a mistake.

But then when these discussions come up now were "generalizing". It becomes "oh well this didnt happen with me, one example of a person, and furthermore a person who WAS NOT A WOMAN, so therefore you argument that x is a societal problem is bunk i guess" and its.....just.....So...like peak boy logic idk

When my brother came out so many things immediately made sense for better and for worse. For worse in that i realized why he never fucking helped with chores, he didnt seem to feel any empathy for my mom having to do everything for him, and i had to pick up the slack. It made sense that i didnt have an older sister, and it made sense that all that shit about the plight of the oldest daughter had always made me so like actively angry because it was the opposite of what i thought was my experience. But actually, I was the oldest daughter...for however much of a girl i am yknow but. Different convo.

Biological sex isnt a thing and there isnt really some deeply ingrained set of gender genes ir whatever. Its just feelings. But when youre born into a binary culture where you learn even subconsciously that x is how women should be and z is how men should be...when you dont idebtify with women, you dont idebtify with x. You tend to go toward z bc thats the only other option youve been given.

So even if x is expexted of you, its like completely expected for youre behavior to start shifting before you come out. A lot of people relate to that either bc they were realizing who they were or becoming more comfortable with being that way outwardly. Its not a negative thing. But when were talking abt being a guy...an unavoidable part of that list of guy thongs is misogyny. And entitlement. And sadly the transphobia these men face seems to push them into like grabbing onto these parts ofbbeing a man a lot stronger, and using their unique perspectivw and """insider info""" on what its like to be a woman (even though...again...they arent...so um...) as a tool to discredit them

this is really messy and like Ironically PMSing phone complaining and im sorry but like ohhh my god it annoys me so god damn much. boys annoy me it especially annoys me bc that boy is like saying its transmisogynist to talk abt an actual aspect of misogyny. whne like...no...trans girls are also victims of this. these expectations of women effect them as misogyny. directly. its so fucking stupid like yes a terf can will and often does take real issues and conspiracy theory connect them to making it trans women’s faults...but that isnt the same thing as trying to talk abt the misogyny faced by all women. like. obviously. and a man getting holier than thou abt it and trying to shut down that discussion as something transphobic makes me want to pull my hair out.

this is probably rude but it comes off like he’s trying to make it about him when its not. like ‘this is transmisogynist which is a kind of transphobia and that effect ME!!!” when in reality he’s just...a man complaining that women are talking about their own oppression. it isnt misogynist to talk abt fucking misogyny

and at the end of the day the thing being talked about was the INCREDIBLY WELL KNOWN IDEA that women are specifically put-upon by men and society at large. that women have to do all this extra shit just to exist, then more to not be ostracized, then more that the ‘normal’ expected amount of work that ‘everyone’ has to pitch in, then ‘’’women’s work,’’’then more to keep the men around them from falling to pieces and throwing temper tantrums...and after women do and have done all that, for thousands of years all around the world, we’re still the weak and lazy and simple and childlike ones that have to be protected by manly man who, as we all know, totally do All of The Work. that not being the experience in your family doesn’t make it suddenly dissappear. that not being your experience as a woman, because you AREN’T a woman, doesnt....make women’s experiences...different. but im just gonna unfollow that person and hope someday theyll learn ad well all go about our days bc it would be too much of an unneccessary and pointless effort for me to argue with a man about how women apparently don’t have to put tons of unneccessary pointless effort into dealing with and placating men and how saying so, apparently, hurts women?????? Ok

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trashynoona · 6 years

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The boy from the convenience stall

It was a warm summer night when I first met him.

‘Sleepless night?’

The beautiful stranger asked as he began slurping up his ramyun.

‘Yeah... you?’ You asked.

‘Same... late night hunger pangs...’ he raised his noodle cup to gesture.

He was a beautiful stranger. He has a face with gentle features; you’d like to liken his features to the gentle strumming of an acoustic guitar.

‘I notice you come here pretty often?’ The stranger’s words nudge me out of my daze.

‘Hmm? Yeah. Haven’t been sleeping too well, and I generally take aimless strolls when I can’t get to bed. Somehow, I tend to end up here...’ I quietly laughed at my own insomnic woes as I wondered why am I even explaining any of these to the stranger.

‘I see... well my strolls are a lot more with an end goal in mind. To fill my tummy before I head to bed. I’m sewoon by the way.’ He said as he took a sip of his banana milk.

‘Why don’t you just stock up your fridge with food if you tend to get hungry at some ungodly hour?’ I asked as I sipped on my strawberry milk.

‘I don’t know, there’s something poetic about taking a nightly stroll to the convenience stall I guess. Some fresh air probably helps too.’ Sewoon replied as he casually stretched out his legs and stared into the dark soulless sky.

‘I guess it does help clear your head a bit with late night strolls... oh, and I’m Eunji by the way.’ I turned to introduce yourself and found myself staring at the beautiful stranger. He has his eyes shut as he quietly hummed a song to himself in this still summer night.

There was something enchanting about this stranger. He was calm and romantic; he saw the beauty in things that I fail to see. While he took these strolls with an intention to enjoy the night air, you pretty much had to force yourself to take these strolls before your head exploded with all the useless late night thoughts. You have always been a panicky person by nature, it felt comforting next to someone who felt like serenity.

‘Well it’s getting pretty late, I should get going.’ I stood up from the edge of the pavement and dusted my pajamas pants.

‘It was nice to have finally spoken to you, Eunji. I hope I’ll see you around?’ He smiled as he looked up at me from below.

‘You probably will if you continue with your late night supper regiment.’ I attempted to appear as unflustered as possible before heading back towards the direction I came from.

Sewoon smiled at himself. He had noticed you for awhile now. It was hard not to have noticed you. Afterall, there weren’t many people patronising the convenience shop in the middle of the night. Furthermore a girl his age who’s always in some strange cutesy pajamas. Who even wears pajamas with characters like Disney princesses and snoopy in their late teens?! But there was something alluring about you. Despite dorning these cheerful cutesy pajamas, you had always worn a sullen expression, almost like you’re in pain. Unknowingly, sewoon began looking forward to seeing you. He wondered what was on your mind. Despite being calm by nature, it took him awhile to reach out to you. Afterall, you always appeared to be deep in thoughts, sewoon wasn’t sure how you would respond. However, he was glad he did reach out to you, because, he thought you had the most beautiful smile in the world.

‘Hi stranger.’ I spoke.

‘Hey there, back for your pit stop in the midst of your midnight stroll?’ Sewoon asked as he took out his earphones.

‘Unfortunately So...’ I sighed as I poked the straw into my strawberry milk.

‘Have a listen to this.’ Sewoon place one of his ear buds into my ear.

It was a recording of a soft acoustic guitar number. It was pretty much what I’d imagine sewoon to be if he was a melody.

‘What do you think?’ He asked.

‘It’s calming. It reminds me of you.’ I answered.

‘It reminds you of me? Haha, I hope that’s a good thing?’ He responded.

‘It is. You have this... I don’t know, calming disposition. It’s like as if you’re never nervous about anything. And the music you just showed me kinda reflects that, it brings a sense of ease to my heart.’ I explained.

‘I assume you liked it then?’ He asked as he took a sip from his banana milk.

I nodded.

‘Good. Because it’s a present from me to you!’ Sewoon smiled.

‘You mean you wrote it?! And why would you give it to me?’ I was pretty dumbfounded, afterall, who dedicates a hand written song to a person he barely knows?

‘Yeah... I am kinda like a struggling song writer? And to be honest, these late night walks are kinda like inspirational walks... I wrote this melody after I spoke to you the other day, it’s not perfect yet, but I don’t know, I guess I’m a little to excited to share it with you.’ Sewoon admitted sheepishly as he stroke the back of his neck.

‘I think it’s perfect this way. Since you have gifted the song to me, do I get royalties if your song gets famous?’ I teased.

‘Definitely, if that day ever comes...’ sewoon noticed the mischievous twinkle in your eye. Once again, he was enchanted by your smile.

‘What’s the title to this song?’ I asked.

‘I’ll give you the honour to name it.’ He quipped.

‘Really?! No taking back okay?!’ You were glowing like a child seeing her favourite ice cream.

‘Yes, no regrets.’ Sewoon laughed.

‘It shall be called “The boy from the convenience shop” then.’ I answered smugly.

‘I think I’m beginning to regret my decision now...’ sewoon half laughed at the name I had came up with.

‘Hey! You said no backsies!’ I gently nudged sewoon on his arm. This was the first actual physical contact we shared, and it left me strangely flustered.

‘Yes yes, I’m a man of his words. This shall officially be known as “the boy from the convenience shop” from now on.’ Sewoon was laughing.

‘Here’s to the success of “the boy from the convenience shop” !’ I raised my bottle of strawberry milk and sewoon joined me with his banana milk.

It eventually became a nightly ritual for sewoon and I to meet at the convenience stall half past 2 every night. Who ever who reached first would get the other a bottle of milk, and we would just sit by the curb and talk about anything under the sky. We talked about useless things like the shape of the milk bottles, to deeper stuff like our hopes and dreams. sewoon was incredibly easy to talk to, he has made late nights a little less dreadful.

‘You know, I really dreaded nightfall in the past...’ I shared with sewoon one day.

‘Why so?’ He asked.

‘I don’t know... the darkness kinda enlarges the emptiness of my life. Like, it scares me. What if this is it? What if, I die tomorrow and I have literally achieved nothing in this entire lifetime?’ I said.

‘Well for starters... you did name a song... that has been selected for a local competition if that helps?’ Sewoon answered quietly.

‘Oh my god?! Are you serious?! I knew “the boy from the convenience shop” was going to make it big!’ I was glowing again as I reached out to pull sewoon into a hug.

He was warm, and comforting. Just like his song. It was only after our body came into contact that I realised I had initiated skinship with sewoon. I quickly pulled back but sewoon’s arms pulled me closer and tighter.

‘Just ten more seconds Eunji ah.’ He quietly said.

The thought that sewoon appreciated my hug alone was able to push me to overdrive. It was undeniable that I obviously have some sort of crush on my night time buddy. It felt strange, almost like a dream. It seemed like I knew him but I dont at the same time. We were two strangers who’s lives had crossed path when we happened to decide to take a break at the same rest stop. will this bond still be real when day breaks? Because every time when it comes to daylight, we seem to be our own individuals, only to come back to the comfort of one another’s company at the darkest of nightfall.

Days passed and we continued with our nightly ritual.

‘Eunji ah, this is going to be the last night of our convenience store ritual. I have been shortlisted as one of the finalist for the song writing competition. If all goes well, I might be awarded a contract with a recording company.’ Sewoon spoke. He sounded conflicted, this has been his dream all along, to be able to record his music one day. But somewhere along the way, you became part of his dream as well.

‘I’m so proud of you sewoonie! I know you’re going to smash it without a doubt! I named the song afterall!’ I spoke with bittersweet tears forming in my eyes. I knew this was all sewoon has dreamt about. But a part of me was sad to see him go. He has provided solace to my anxious heart. Somehow, he was able to calm the storm in my chest that no medicine or therapy could stop.

Sewoon pulled me in for a hug.

‘Thank you Eunji ah.’ He said as he did pulled away. Our faces were still close to one another as we quietly tried to take in as much of each other’s feature as possible. Afterall, we weren’t sure when we would see each other again.

‘Can I... Can I kiss you?’ Sewoon asked.

I nodded and he gently placed his soft lips on mine. It tasted like banana milk. It felt warm and soothing. Just like his music and personality. I knew I was going to miss him as a single tear escaped from my eye and came into contact with sewoon’s cheeks. Sewoon pushed me closer into his embrace as he deepened the kiss. His tongue gently swept along the edge of my lip as his tongue did a little dance with mine. The kiss felt poetic.

That was both sewoon’s and your first real kiss. It went away as naturally as it came. We both knew the future was uncertain. No words were needed to be exchanged. We both understood that we were in love, but we could not pursue this growing feeling we share right now.

‘I’d make sure to buy at least 10 copies when your album comes out.’ I quipped, trying to lighten the mood.

‘Make sure you thank me. I did help afterall.’ I teased.

We both laughed as we tried our best to keep our tears from falling.

6 months have passed and Sewoon did eventually emerge as the winner of the song writing competition. His album was due in 1 day, and I was ecstatic. We haven’t talked much since he had left. I wasn’t sure if he had met a better girl along the way. A girl who perhaps does not have to take late night strolls to her local convenience stall because she is too anxious to sleep. Perhaps he had taken a liking for a girl other than me, someone less broken.

I rushed to the nearest CD shop the very next day in order to purchase the 10 albums I had promised sewoon. I regretted my promise. Music albums aren’t cheap these days. Especially when music companies come up with these ‘mini albums’ which consist of about 5 songs while still charging the same price of a regular album.

I casually flipped through the photobook as I listened to sewoon’s album. He was still as handsome as ever. Possibly a little skinnier from the stress. But he still looked like serenity, like a quiet melody from an acoustic guitar. A sad smile crept onto my face as I remineinced the times we shared outside the convenience shop.

As I flipped to the acknowledgement section, I saw; ‘to the girl from the convenience stall’. It warmth my heart. Somehow, I still had a place in sewoon’s heart, and that was enough.

Another month has passed, sewoon was going to hold his first fanmeeting. I made sure to get a ticket for myself. I wasn’t sure if I would embarrass myself, we haven’t spoken in 7 months afterall. But I knew I had to go regardless. Sewoon was doing a collaboration stage with one of the up and coming female singer song writer. She was incredibly beautiful, and her voice was soft and silky. Sewoon and her looked incredible together. Perhaps they are already dating, I thought to myself.

‘Here’s all the banana milks sent to you Sewoon. Should I place them in the refrigerator for you?’ Sewoon’s manager asked as they sorted out his fan gifts.

Sewoon looked around, it was surreal to know that he has so many adoring fans who enjoy his music. To him, he was still the same kid who wrote melodies in his bedroom and took trips to the convenience shop in the middle of the night. You were still constantly in his mind. He misses the time you shared in the stale summer nights, outside an unassuming convenience shop, as two young adults, dreaming of what is to come.

‘Somebody is obviously not really your fan. Everyone knows you love banana milk and not strawberry milk....’ sewoon’s manager scoffed as he picked up the lone strawberry milk seated amongst the sea banana milks.

‘Hold on, don’t throw it away. Can I have it please?’ Sewoon picked up the strawberry milk, only to spot a little note scribbled on the bottle.

‘Milk bottles are strange. Here’s a bottle of milk from the original convenience stall ;)’

Sewoon knew immediately it was you. It warmed his heart and he knew he had to see you soon.

While on my nightly stroll to the convenience shop, I noticed a familiar humming and the faint strumming of a guitar.

‘Sewoonie?’ I called out.

‘You’re late!’ He quipped.

‘Oh my god, you’re back?!’ I half yelled as I ran towards my beautiful boy.

‘I’ve missed you, girl from the convenience shop.’ Sewoon confessed before pulling me into his arms. His lips connected to mine and the same warmth was back. My serenity was back.

#jeong sewoon #sewoon #produce101 #pd101 #jeong sewoon scenario #sewoon scenario #starship #starship ent #pd101 season 2 #produce 101 jeong sewoon #kpop scenario #kpop fanfic #kpop

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whimsically-ominously-auspice · 4 years

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I hear two Atlanta Police Officers with missing vehicles called the Mayor and apologized to her for thinking of only themselves, admitted they were afraid that if they were in the same situation they would been fired as the other two in the Rayshard Brooks case and they couldn't allow that to happen to,themselves and the community so they wanted to show what would happen if it did because like me they all saw it as a justified homocide, a honorable weapon's discharge.

But after reading what i wrote last night. They fully regrret their decision and would like to have a meeting with her today, the entire 25 that stayed home for 3 days and they will all drive up to see her, in their personal cars of course.

Of course they got her mussing her mascara and all. Weeping she is. Don't mean she's weak. Just means she knows love. And she knows how evil attacks it and makes love so painful.

... ...

I mean I'm real surprised at Atlanta. I never had any problems with them they was always "The Next New Orleans" i called them.

Always just witchy with it. Good and a skip ahead.

So besides my anger at the situation created...

Look. I come straight outta the 90s.

Back then... Man. Our history been lost in 30 years. Our soul soul soul filled history. Its gone. It ain't there.

Back in the 90s we had about a 15 year break. From the protests from Vietnam War. Love not War Protests. We had them nice little 1950s with "Hello Technology: introduction to the TV" ONWARD to the "60s Hippies. Make love not War" taking it right onto the 70s which came back with the Civil Rights

So our 90s. Y'all they were the most beautiful. They were the combo of the 60s and 70s.

The riots and protests being taught to me and we made it big as we could with all the best parts of being a Human Rights Activist with brand new only 1990s fluorescent neon dripped could bring in.

That was all lost. Its all gone.

But the fight. The rights. THE TRUTH we went all 1950s and stayed in and raised our kids right. People wanna say shit about the Millennials. But we spoke truth. We spoke from our heart and we let them find,the truth as safe as possible and form their own opinions based on truth alone.

So now people wanna beat our kids. People i went to high school with they got high school graduates. Mine will be 17 this August. Real honest to God birthday and age.

Those are my babies. Our babies. They are our future. In 50 years they're gonna be like old man Bernie Sanders. 70 years old bent over fighting because we're gonna be near dead at 90 and more.

And people neglect and beat and ...

Man Our kids got it bad enough already. Simply because THEY KNOW THE TRUTH.

And man we got to protect them. Protect their hearts. Their minds. Their souls.

And they getting allllllll this stress. Put on them. Stress that is simply avoided.

By one dancing in the streets.

By 15 officers stating their badge numbers.

By the police owning up to who they are and why they exist.

Don't they want peace? Used to be they were called Peace Keeping Officers.

Now they called Lice Officers. Coming in on Native American Reservations claiming unwashed hair bread bugs. Let me tell you something. My daughter and I got lice a while back.. Like 8 years. The only thing that killed them was coating our hair in oil

Lice breath through holes in their exobody. So the oil makes them suffocate to death and die. Furthermore people whom smoke reject lice more frequently than those that don't. It takes me 3 months longer to get lice than a non smoker.

Peace pipe anyone?

So historically police aren't loved. They aren't wanted.

Being a police or military. It becomes a color of our skin. I'll post a tattoo that isn't finished being colored or lined. It's not done. I'll show you we can balance it.

Get out of your comfort zone. Step out of your skin.

We can't stop being black. We can't stop being what drives us to be police.

But we can control it.

"BURN ALL THEIR FUCKING CARS" demanded the international head of the CIA.

"No ma'am. This is what we did" they didn't tell me No before. They just did it. Because they knew it was better. They knew it would cause all 25 of y'all to have to stand up and say "my car is missing. This is how i feel. I do/don't want it back"

Where yall can't pretend what y'all did didn't matter and just get up and go to work the next day. All sneak in and get back to business.

No. You got a fucking problem. You forcing others to take on your load, Zone 5.

Were not walking away and being all its fine what ever. You got a problem. We need to tackle it in a for real state.

Foooorrrrr Reeeaaaalllll state.

You got a problem in your mind? Those become tangible. They aren't floating thoughts. They are what makes us do what we do.

Make it concrete. Take away their cars.

I ain't saying the charges will be dropped. That's all a whole other issue. I don't work in the justice system. Court. Law. I tell you how to win in court. But i ain't about telling some DA how to shove it. I just sue them. When its courts. I fight their game. With paperwork and all that shit. So like i said that's not on me to say the charges will be dropped.

When it's a basketball game you use a ball and circle to drop the ball in.

Use proper tools

Atlanta PD could and should said "alright let's picket the DA. Lets go in uniform. Leave our weapons in the car. Unbutton our shirts. Put red paint on our foreheads to show where they're hurting us. Show them the DA now made us defense less and stripped"

Half hour. 10 minutes. 2 hours. Don't matter. As long as you make that statement.

NYPD did that.

Sure i can ask Tree, tree why ain't you posted that? Taught them?

But why didn't NYPD pull out thier hands and say NBC, FOX. Where's them videos of what we use to do and so we can stop and make this shit right in the streets?

Thata all i did. That's all im doing now. Yeah I'm,the most brilliant and all

But the last since November i been telling y'all "shake them tail feathers"

How is Gary Trump's brother going into human trafficking for 24 years to be found by me. Then murdered by his brother that took his name and lied about who he was? And his brother didn't care. He said "ill go by Gary. It don't matter. Hes worked hard under my name"

How is the ACTUAL Donald Trump not allowed to be in a Black Lives Matter movement? How come no one is shaking their tail feathers to a man killed by the government for greed and white power?

The faux Donald Trump that is our impeached President is a racist.

So why isn't his brother being named? Black Lives Matter.

One person says "Let's Shake Our Tail Feathers".

Dont matter if you believe me. Its the movement. Quite literally.

Its confusing and alive and can make us all sick. It is its own plague. "Shake ya tail feathers" it's a mental plague if you refuse truth.

Regardless how i named it. I still taught it and spoke it. And led y'all to dance it.

Bye bye stress. Bye bye human trafficking.

Bye bye inequality.

Instead it's crazy

It was already planned to be crazy. Burning down buildings calling them Liberty Torches.

Civil Rights . Civil Liberties . take No Justice/Fairness and make it a sight to behold.

Is it fair to me financially to burn down my own economicially profiting legally businesses to make a Park and Garden where you can get fresh and,free vegetables and fruit for life? HELL FUCKING NO.

I got to pay security and taxes and i don't get a single domestic dime in return.

Kids go play on my slides and swings and wear them out having too much dam fun. Then i gotta spend More Money to make sure i am making sure they even get a single second to know what fun is.

I spent my whole life working. Every dam day.

One day I went out and I was 18 years old and i heard laughter. And i didn't know what it was. What made people laugh? How could people even be happy? Or want to laugh?

I was 18 years old. Didn't under stand a human thing.

And it just kept going and going and going. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to do whatever it took. And I didn't know why. Because i got my car keys out and opened my car door the second time that day. This time to make it stop. I put my car key between my fingers. Next thing i knew, I was sitting back down. And starting the car. Obviously my mom knew I was crazy with worry. And lost my mind. Shoved my ass back in the car and said "no you're just gonna leave and leave those innocent people alone"

I was so angry and bitter. And now my life is even worse.

If I couldn't attack them people. No one else can attack innocent people in public.

I don't care how fucked up you are. YOU CAN'T ATTACK SOMEONE FOR THEIR FREEDOMS.

Laughter. Black Lives Matter. Blue lives MATTER. All lives MATTER.

Some ignorant fool was arguing with a store clerk saying how her Black Lives Matter sign offended him

Watch me, #BLM #BLM ONE OF THOSE IS BLACK. ONE OF THOSE IS BLUE. TOGETHER WE ARE BRUISED BLACK AND BLUE.

Why can't y'all see and accept that?

We can't we be one. One truth.

One life to live

I can't live as Cleopatra or anyone of my past lives. I can't even live the life I led in the 90s. I can't even walk

We have one life to live and this is it.

So do we kill each other? Or do we protect each other?

Why aren't we being One?

When you're alone you can think of only you. You realize how important you are. We all need alone time.

When im with you i can only think about how important you are.

There isn't enough room in my brain to say how important we both are at the same time unless we do and think and act the same way all day long. Even for twins and clones its impossible.

So in my brain and in yours. You can only think about how much ONE life matters at a time.

ONLY ONE LIFE IN THIS WORLD MATTERS. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!

We. Our. Us. You can't stop a great combination.

Power and love = unified. Unity. United.

Watch me, #BLM #BLM ONE OF THOSE IS BLACK. ONE OF THOSE IS BLUE. TOGETHER WE ARE BRUISED BLACK AND BLUE.

Stop the pain. Hold our hands. Let the love flow. Let the Heart speak until it sings.

So yesterday old Blackfeet and Regina didn't see each other for the DUMBEST thing. She said "oh baby ill move in the nursing home with you"

He says something all "nonsense that's dumb shut up" all Grumpy Bear.

I don't even want to be with you.

So i talked to Michael about their unique situation.

He could had said "I'm well enough to move into a regular home with you. We don't need the nursing home. I moved to (US state) to be with you. To be close to you because you mean more to Me than Anything in the world. And you deserve a big ole castle. Because i love you and we gotta do all this best and right. No nursing home. We got another 50 years plus i wanna be doing you on the kitchen table and not here. All I can smell is stinky old man diapers from the neighbor"

And she could said had he continued the fight "oh idk what I'm saying I've never even seen the nursing home. Do you mind i come visit you there? Id really like that"

It would taken ONE. Only one to stop their ninny war.

And they would been holding each other. With love.

Instead of living in Hell.

So, now what happened was we put it all on old dad. Because hes the Black Beethoven who can suddenly sing a ballad of symphony in the midst of telling some real bad history truth.

Then moments later Regina said "well i could said something different, too".

It takes two to tango.

So I challenge y'all to punch inequality in the face. BLM. there is no difference between.

Black. Blue. Red. Purple. Yellow. Green. All bruises.

Challenge each other. Black and blue.

Force it. There is no difference and it must be seen.

Chant it. Turn on the "Boombox" and dance together. Dance if some won't. But do it in their face.

Laugh. Be happy. In their face.

If they're bitter like an 18 year old me and don't have a Angel Mommy to bust their ass back down into a sitting position. Someone will beat the shit out of them. Someone will stop them and i Will go after them and send you services for legal and medical. Free.

Acknowledge.

You are hurt. I am hurt.

Lets Live. Lets be happy.

Lets try. Trying makes perfect.

"MOVE BACK"

"TAKE THAT FIRST STEP"

"MOVE BACK"

"SEE WE ARE HURT SAME AS YOU" point out the ones that have fear. The ones that try to intimidate. -- The I Can See You -- let them scream in your face youre nothing but a piece of shit. And yell back they're someone inside a police uniform. And you can see it.

Beat their asses like fucking Care Bears.

Teach you a little photography. 1. Dirty lens. Dry skin. 2. Lotions the skin. Hannibal lectur. 3. Cleans the lens. 4 & 5 close up with flash. 6&7 close up without flash.

After meeting some kids in college. Native Americans from tribes near Gallup. Very very. Very Racist.

I began to question my life long believe of how I could live with being a military based person. And being an Native American.

I didn't know. I just knew i could and it wasn't fair to me to destroy the very being of me. Simply because it don't make sense without actual factual historical documents.

Remember Oregon Trail was First. That made Atlas.

Then down the coast to find gold. So NM DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT NO FUCKING TRAIL OF TEARS SO GET OUT MY FACE.

And so my owl... Its every thing. I didn't design it normal. It has wings that are out stretched yes.

But it has a secomd pair of wings. Which are pins from the United States Coast Guard. Those wings are like hands. To do things close by to the body.

Its slightly designed after a Hindu God. She has 6 arms.

Here the wings are keeping the body warm and safe and sound.

How could myself own an owl to represent my secret past of S.Leigh if it can't have hands to represent both my heart and mind?

There figlirliee on the head. That's not for me. Its because I think about you. The mass population of Earth.

I need more simply than what the Earth can provide in the reality of which exists on Earth.

There's an hour glass of water on it's side, traveling... My baby bird is flying with an hour glass.

If you look. You'll see a woman under and between the two shields. And she has "duck lips"

For the real "Not Gary Donald Trump"

Her lips are actually a heart. But they look off..

A rose each sits above the shields. A diamond in the midst of the tail feathers.

No piece

No area.

Is just a feather. A stroke of color.

Each is an item. There's no nothing. It is all something

The military did not just beat us and we took it as Muscogee Creek Nation. We built an Atlas. Recivejed the City of Atlantis -- the Spain sent supplies to help us for years. All the way from Florida.

There was Something. It all wasn't nothing

Or for nothing. Everyone looks for the truth. Looks for the Lost City of Atlantis and i am the one who sunk it. Because I am the Goddess.

The diamond has a purple eye. Diamonds are the hardest and toughest known substance.

Well i know my mind is gonna cut you and rip you apart from what I've seen. So my eyes are like diamonds. My mind

Our tounges are diamonds. We can slash each other apart.

Or we can acknowledge the riches we have.

My Ultimate Challenge is for the police to create a barricade when necessary. No weapons in hand. Hands on the top of their heads and chant BLM Bruises are the same.

We know black bruises hurt the worst, the same level as red.

Then purple. Then blue. Green and yellow rarely do.

So please fight blindness and inequality with me.

And please post it on the national news and international news. So that we know as a world we all fight together

Whether it's in the couches or in the streets.

Thank you for trying.

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flowerpuffs · 7 years

Text

here's a little embarassing thing about me: i am! so! obsessed! with! my! gadgets! remember how i keep on telling you i've been really busy with my preps for CETs and how my parents imposed strict curfews and schedules to maximize the little time i have to study? yep, that's not exactly how it's been working out with my life right now. i do study but i occasionally check on my phone, respond on messages on tumblr, tweet things, watch 2 or 3 unrelated youtube videos after finishing like 3 or 4 academic ones and many many more! this is why as most of you might have noticed, despite being "busy," i still regularly respond to your messages, check on my tag, reblog your stuff, despite running a queue. it's equally embarassing as it is horrifying. and i feel terrible about it. although i must admit that i've had a pretty legitimate and respectable outcomes, at the end of the day, i know i can do better. and guess who's the culprit who keeps on distracting me? yep, that's right: my one and only treasured possesion- my cellphone. two, three, or four years ago, my mother began noticing this quite destructive addiction of mine. she will often times call me out, saying things like: "hey, you should spend more time with your family." or "i will definitely confiscate your phone if you still act like this in a week." and of course i was threatened as heck because i dont want to lose my cellphone. so, i will pretend i don't use it in the morning but later that night, when im all alone in my room, you will see my hiding under my blankets laughing all by myself because of dank memes™ or googling cute dog pictures. being the 'milennial' and 'god they're just being lame because they're obviously not from my generation' am, i did not know then the extent of my obsession. not until recently! there is nothing wrong with using technology or gadgets. if anything, they help us become more productive and practically make our lives way, way easier! however, like what they all say, a little much of something is not a good thing! and the same goes with my so-called gadget addiction. while scrolling through my feed one time, i stumbled upon this article written by emma on messyheads entitled "cant call, im in cuba" published two months ago. and i was frankly baffled. she opened her article with a scientific study concluding that an average person spends right about 300 times a day checking on their phone. yep, you got that right: 300 freaking times of checking on my emails, my twitter, tumblr, responding to messages, et. and while that figure might seem surprising to you. i've read another article stating that an average person spends right about 5 hours per day just doing their thing on their mobile! yep, that's right five freaking hours of looking on that lil bright screen! and just like what emma said on her article, there's way too many things that you could do on the span of just endlessly scrolling through your dash like finishing an entire course for my CETs preps/reviews, cooking 10 different dishes, working on my painting, working on my embroidery skills, finishing a harry potter book, etc! and you know what this literally made me realize? technology defeated the purpose of helping me become productive because instead, i end up being even more unproductive. and did achieve anything from all the things that i've been? absolutely nothing. the even funnier part is: i have absolutely no idea what i do with those five freaking hours! i mean, time flies so fast when you're enjoying something, that's true but i dont even know if im exactly enjoying what im doing because if anything, it only makes me feel even more guilty and terrible about it! i already have no idea where this text post is going but i guess while writing this i was able to realize a couple of things: my patience significantly declines and i tend to appreciate little things less once get too caught up with my phone. 1. patience: the thing about me is i am an incredibly, commendably patient person. i wait for my turn and i believe in its power and value that is fundamental in becoming an ethical person. however although this is very embarrasing to admit, i have realized that using my phone massively declined my patience. how did i know? well, it took me an entire day to write this post because when im done with like a sentence or two, i tend to get distracted with my notifications and wander off of my notepad and start interacting with people. i know there is nothing wrong with that because the world practically revolves around the internet right now. but unfortunately, when i became addicted with my mobile, i am no longer just using it because i have something important to accomplish; rather it became an itch that needs to be scratched and i use it just because i want to instead. 2. appreciation: this is quite frankly probably the saddest part about my cellphone addiction. you know how much i love the little things about people and the world, right? yep. however, due to this addiction, i tend to focus more on my cellphone screen and not the beautiful things around me. i mean, sure you can google #goals stuff or see even more aesthetic things on tumblr, but i think there is still nothing more beautiful than having the chance to see something magical first hand! furthermore, when im out with my family for dinner, i have realized an even more heartbreaking thing: we no longer converse the way we used to! because instead of communicating or asking for menu first, we ask for for the wifi password and live our social media life instead. i mean, sure we still talk but im not that stupid to not realize that it's not like it used to be when my brother and i were 11 or 10. it's an ugly realization that i hope would eventually change. i have nothing against the usage of social media as a platform to express yourself or to get friends from all over the world. i believe, as a matter of fact, that it is one of the most revolutionary things that this planet was able to create and i frankly believe that it will be for a long, long time. however, i think it is also still very important to shut out of it once in a while, give yourself a break, a breather, and just enjoy your life the way our ancestors or grandparents would even without the internet. try turning off your gadgets once in a while and i promise you will see a significant difference and feel more comfortable with your own skin! because although it feels good to live a life that's filled with so many notifications, attention, and validation from all over the world, it feels even better to just have a little space outside the boundary with fresh air, lots of trees, and flowers, where you could be yourself.

#y'all i loved writing this #like SUPEEEER!!!!

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retvenkos · 3 years

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hi lovely!! congrats on 2.5k! if u don’t mind could i please do me a 🔥 for marvel, harry potter (marauders era) and then a harry potter golden trio era please?

i’m a straight girl, intj and a slytherin. i’m tend to be really shy, observant and quite reserved. i do have a natural resting bitch face which often makes me unapproachable. i’m extremely sarcastic and witty. if you know me, i tend to be really outgoing and loud. but this is only with people i’m comfortable around. i’d say i can be brutally honest. i’m also stubborn too. but i’m not easily manipulated. i’m a hopeless romantic and if i’m around someone i like, i can get flustered and shy extremely quickly. i also tend to isolate myself from other people due my anxiety and depression. i enjoy astrology, reading, dancing (which just consists of me dancing around my bedroom), writing which i’ve loved doing since a young age and painting. i dont like people who are really full of themselves, it makes me cringe or people who act as if they’re extremely modest but in reality they’re highly arrogant. and people who constantly guilt trip others. thank u sm!!

Marvel:

I ship you with T’challa!

first of all, both of you have some very similar traits that would make you two click really quickly... even if you don’t act on your emotions right away.

both of you are witty and sarcastic while still be reserved and respectful. you both are also very stubborn and true to your word, which isn’t a bad trait to have, and while you are both fairly wary of those around you, you also make deep attachments to people, and are rational enough to be willing to forgive, if the situation required and deserved forgiveness.

furthermore!!!! both of you are the romantic type, out here believing in love, even if it’s hurt in the past or even if you haven’t found it, before. when the two of you are around each other, you are the literal definition of heart eyes, and it would be very sweet if it wasn’t so annoying, sometimes. (shuri makes a lot of “not in my lab” comments or “really? right in front of my tech?”)

i get old friends to lovers vibes, but you could also meet later in life on some kind of “save the world” mission or another and have an allies to lovers story line. point is, the two of you work really well together, and when you finally get together, it’s a long time coming and literally no one is surprised - not even the two of you.

i think t’challa would love your honesty - it’s not something he often gets from just anyone, and he’s smart enough to see reason in it. you’re one of the few who can knock some sense into his head, so you end up talking to him a lot - the two of you have a running dialogue at all times, and even before you were together, he trusted your judgement and honesty more than anyone else's.

and astrology and reading? t’challa loves your lowkey interests more than anything else - when the two of you are just able to relax, he’s at peace and it’s really nice for the both of you. even before you got together, the two of you spent a lot of time with the other, and both of you really enjoy it. this world moves so fast - sometimes you just need to sneak out and look up at the stars.

but the two of you can also have fun at parties, if not dancing than making jokes about the guests, and it makes any function much more bearable

i also think that t’challa would love your more shy nature - he thinks its very cute when you clam up and will tease you about it. but, of course, you are quiet stubborn and will get back at him. spoiler alert: he almost loves your comebacks more than the actually teasing you part.

but i feel like both of you would be able to easily juggle the serious yet playful nature of your relationship - there’s a lot of banter mixed with really meaningful moments and times when you have to rely on each other, and a lesser relationship wouldn’t be able to take it, but both of you are extremely versatile and flexible - no challenge would be too great, when the two of you are together.

and i do think that t’challa would be great at balancing out those harder, more strong emotions. he has struggled with loss and felt depressed afterward, maybe with little direction, and so he can empathize with you and help you grow through the challenges you face.

HP Marauders:

I ship you with Remus Lupin!

a gryffindor softie and a slytherin babe? it’s wasn’t the expected match, so a lot of people were shocked (some not so pleasantly) when they found out.

both of you were shy and awkward when you first met - probably in potions, where the marauders were mercilessly separated so the class could continue. the two of you worked rather quietly, but by the end of the class, you were helping remus catch up with some homework that he was behind in, and the two of you have warmed up to the other.

at first, the other marauders don’t think much about it, but then they notice that remus is sneaking off to the library or the courtyard at odd times, and the decide to follow him. they find... remus hanging out with a slytherin? (james was very disheartened that remus wasn’t trying to schmooze with lily, telling her all about how great james is)

and remus was rather quick to get a baby crush on you. i mean, it’s not very hard??? you have sarcasm and wit that rivals his, you share his determinedness and drive, and where he is more meek, you are honest and stubborn and ready to fight, if need be. you’re inspiring and interesting, and underneath your intimidating exterior, you’re warm and kind. remus had fallen for you, and pretty hard too.

meanwhile, you are in a similar predicament because it’s near impossible to not fall in love with someone like remus lupin, right? so there’s a lot of flustered apologies when you’re studying and touch hands or when you catch the other staring.

but i mean,,,, both of you clearly know the other likes you back. and if it weren’t for remus’ terrible self-esteem, you probably would have gotten together sooner. but we all know the two of you had to have many talks before you get together, and that’s probably best for both of you, ngl. despite having a romantic streak, both of you are a bit clueless when it comes to relationships, so by talking about it a lot, you get used to it, and you know what you want and what you have to do.

also! i love to think that remus draws, so the two of you will often do art together - he loves your painting and you think his sketches are amazing. often, the two of you will have books that you bought the other, and the inside of the covers will be filled with drawings. it’s the way you personalize them, and it’s really cute.

i have the feeling that remus, despite being such a reader, isn’t the greatest with words, so he’ll do a lot of nonverbal things for you - drawings are one, gift giving is another, and you know he will pull you to your feet to dance with him in your dormitory.

that’s also why he especially loves your candor! you have no trouble putting your thoughts into words, and it’s enchanting! he loves how forthright you are. (it also makes his life a lot easier, lol)

HP Golden Trio:

I ship you with Blaise Zabini!

i kind of get enemies to lovers vibe from this ship, but not 100% enemies, just like,,,, some parts of your personalities clash and so at first you don’t get along too well... but over time things change and you’re like,,,, i actually like blaise zabini? gross.

because you can be shy at first, blaise got in a lot of snide remarks or teasing, but you’re stubborn and are always wanting to get in the last word, so you often shoot back insults. both of you are a bit above name calling, but there was just a lot of rude words passed between the two of you in the early stages of your journey to lovers, and while blaise hated it at first, by his third year he actually enjoys your banter, and he’s less infuriated by your comebacks and more impressed that you can hold your ground, despite being so shy at other times.

i imagine the two of you start to get close in your fourth and fifth years when you’re more mature and have to begrudgingly work together in arithmancy or dada.

you both end up rolling your eyes and making sarcastic (or just brutally honest) comments about draco, and while you’re shocked that blaise seems to find draco annoying, despite being his friend, you make him smile wryly at a few of your comments.

and now it’s kind of a game between the two of you - who can say something so funny and out of the blue that it makes the other smile the widest? so far, you hold the record, which shocks both of you. the stoic blaise zabini? smiling at your dumb comments about snape’s hair?

but it’s actually when you’re talking to a friend of yours before class that you make a terrible pun, and blaise makes an odd sort of choking sound - like trying to stifle a laugh. and you find out,,,, blaise likes terrible puns? well, now you have a new weapon.

but, around this same time, blaise figures out that you get flustered very easily, and now that he likes you,,,,, well.... there’s no harm in teasing, right?

it’s a surprise to many that you end up getting as close as you do, keeping up a friendly sort of rivalry while you sort out your growing feelings for the other.

and you start noticing blaise in the common room more, playing chess with theo nott or having conspiratorial conversations with pansy while you’re reading or writing, and then one day, when you open you book for reading, you notice there’s a note slipped in between the pages, and you know it’s blaise. and your gut reaction tells you to not trust him, but you soften to him quickly.

now the two of you are leaving notes in the other person’s belongings, and eventually, he kisses you - in the library, you’re probably searching for some book or another, and he finds it for you and you kiss amongst the shelves.

okay, i went long with the backstory, but you guys would make such a great power couple - you are able to balance seriousness with playfulness nicely, and you have a lot of history with each other.

#2.5k celebration!#celebration #lxncelotships

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adambstingus · 6 years

Text

Every Halloween, I Have A Story I Like To Tell

I liked Ben, I really did. I mean, he was a nice guy. We had some fun times together in college, messing around the dorm, going to parties, all the dumb shit that college guys do. He was cool and all, but he was a little pretentious. Well, I guess the word he used was artistic. He thought he was real smart, spent a lot of time trying to prove it to everyone. He had his own blog developed to film critiques not the big ones, though. Just little indie productions because nothing else was worth his time. When he got like that, he could be pretty insufferable.

Perhaps the most annoying thing that he did was performance art.

Now, I dont wanna be the guy who says that all performance art is dumb. But yeah, no, all performance art is dumb. Oh, look, youre on display painting a picture of Jesus from your own urine, how original and edgy! Maybe Im a little jaded, but it always seemed so contrived to me. Unfortunately, Ben really loved it. He thought there was something beautiful in art that was physically living and he devoted an embarrassing amount of time to it.

Anyway, I hung out with Ben a few times after college, but we mostly just met up to do some heavy drinking and maybe hit a strip club or two. He considered THAT performance art as well, which was just fine with me, it gave me an excuse to waste some ones. Since we didnt hang out very often, I had a bad feeling when he contacted me about a month before last Halloween.

He called me up at about seven in the morning on a Saturday, which is too early to even consider waking up, in my opinion. I answered in a daze and he started running his mouth like crazy, as though afraid that, if he didnt get it all out at once, he never would.

Mike, hey, Mikey, listen, buddy, I need your help, okay? Okay, okay, Ive got this idea for a performance and, well, its going to be , you know? So good! Its going down on Halloween. Can you come help? Look, Ill even pay you, man. Fifty dollars. So how bout it?

Now, Ive never cared much about Halloween one way or the other, and Im a pretty easy guy. Fifty dollars to probably just sit there and run a fog machine or some bullshit? For the right price, I could even pretend that I wanted to be there. Besides, what else are friends for?

A few days later, he gave me the details. To be honest, I was a little shocked when he sent the email. I know that performance art is intended to be edgy and can sometimes get a little dangerous, but this seemed downright negligent.

Mike:

Thanks for agreeing to do this for me! Ive talked to a few other people, but they werent really comfortable with it, for reasons youll probably be able to figure out. Of course, I understand if you want to back out, but I think you are probably the most reliable person I know. Its really not that big of a deal, Im sure youll agree.

As Im sure youve noticed, vampires have become very prominent in the media as of late. I say vampires because they are beginning to deviate so wildly from the traditional myths that they resemble forest fairies more than anything else. Altruistic? Sparkly? Whiny? Give me a break. We need more Dracula! We need more Carmilla! We need more death, destruction, and blood!

My performance will center on the theme of rebirthing the vampire. For the vampire to be reborn, he must first be buried. To turn peoples attentions back to the myths of old, I will be doing just that: I will be burying the vampire.

I have a group of viewers signed up already to participate in the performance, so you dont need to worry about that. Im going to plant a series of vampire-themed clues around town for them to follow. The clues should be pretty simple, and it will probably take no more than an hour to an hour-and-a-half for them to find me.

Here comes the somewhat controversial part. Essentially, for this performance to have any semblance of meaning, I need to be buried alive. Dont worry, its perfectly safe: I have a buddy from back home who is building me a coffin with a hole in the top. Ill be fixing it with a pipe that will stick an inch or two above the ground. That way, I wont run out of air. Ill also have a few necessities in the coffin in case something happens: food, water, and a flashlight.

Once they arrive at my grave which will be completely vampirized they will be provided with an array of shovels and will bring me back to life, a reincarnation of the true mythological history of vampires.

Here is where you come in. I need you to bury me. In addition, I need you to be my safety net: if they cant find me, if something goes wrong, if I become sick, I need you to be the one to get me out or call the police, if necessary. Ill also need you to decorate my grave, make it really creepy dont worry, Ill send you some blueprints.

I know this is a little stressful and it may take some time for you to decide, but, rest assured, this is a completely safe project. Theres no danger of suffocation and the coffin is sturdy, so its very unlikely that it will collapse. I really just need you there for support and the actual hard work of burying me.

What do you say? Id even be willing to up your pay to a hundred dollars, if thats what you need.

Let me know!

RIP,

Ben

I stared at my screen for a few minutes, completely dumbfounded.

Once I cut through all the bullshit about art and vampires and rebirth, what it came down to was death.

This guy actually wanted me to almost kill him.

I mean, sure, it probably WAS safe. But my mind went over the plan slowly. What if I couldnt get him out in time? One shovel and a pit of dirt wouldnt be a fast job. Furthermore, what if something happened to me?

Before making a decision, I sent him another email asking if he was really sure he was up for this. Of course he knew, he said. And then he said something that would always stick with me.

Art must be a little dangerous, my friend, for it to be real.

A month later, I found myself standing at the foot of a grave. It was six feet deep and perfectly rectangular. Sitting at the bottom was a tapered coffin covered with black lacquer, a white skull painted on the top. In the eye of the skull was a hole just big enough for the PVC pipe. Stenciled underneath was a line from Dracula: Denn die Todten reiten schnell.

I stood there like an idiot, waiting for Ben to show up.

In the end, Id decided to go along with his stupid gig. Ben was a stubborn bastard, and if I didnt help him, someone else would. At least, thats the justification I gave myself. But the real reason was that, deep inside my heart, his words were still echoing.

Id ended up doing a little more work than I had intended. For one, I had to place his stupid clues around the city. It wasnt hard work, but it took some time to get them all in the proper places. Luckily for Ben, they were pretty obvious clues. There was no need to worry that his participants would be unable to find him.

Ben had set up the grave and the coffin a few days prior to Halloween. It was out in the woods just on the outskirts of town, no chance of it being disturbed. Id tried to talk him out of burying it the whole six feet down.

If something happens and I need to get you out fast, what will I do? Cant you put it closer to the surface?

Ben had just shaken his head in exasperation. You just dont get it, do you? It has to be done right. Remember what I told you.

So I shrugged and let him mess around with whatever dumbassery would get him off.

I was just beginning to wonder if I should have brought more beer this promised to be a long night when Ben showed up.

I had to restrain my laughter when I saw his getup. A cheap Dracula costume from Wal-mart had never looked so pathetic, especially when topped off with those cheap plastic fangs. Hed greased his hair back and painted on a widows peak.

I couldnt resist. Wow, seriously, dude?

He gave me a stern look. Its a comment on the commercialization of vampires and horror as we know it today. He fished around in his pocket and pulled out a walkie talkie. Here, take one. The range isnt very far, but my cell phone wont work that far underground. Youll have to stay nearby. Let me know if youre going out of range.

I shrugged and took it. Okay, but you brought your cell just in case, right?

Nah, what good will it do if it doesnt work?

This guys batshit insane, I thought. But he handed me the hundred dollars and, suddenly, it didnt seem to matter anymore.

I helped him into the coffin and shut the lid. He seemed pretty calm if it were me, I knew Id be having a panic attack. I fit the PVC pipe into the hole. It slid in perfectly snug. I climbed out of the coffin and grabbed my shovel, taking one last look at the shiny black peeking out from the dirt.

With a resigned shrug, I started to shovel in the dirt. Okay, well, he asked for this, I thought.

It took almost a full hour to get all the dirt piled in. The PVC pipe was just barely visible over the grave. I piled the earth around it to hide it as well as I could. Then, I set up the rest of the grave: a hideously gothic headstone made of Styrofoam, and cheap Wal-mart flowers. Once it was finally finished, I sat back against a tree and waited.

There was an awful lot of waiting to be done.

Three hours later, his participants still hadnt come.

Hed buzzed in on the walkie talkie a few times, asking if theyd shown up. I continually answered in the negative, wondering how long hed be willing to keep up this charade. He must be getting worried, I thought, staring at my watch. It was already 10 pm and not a soul to be seen.

Hey, Mike? Something must have happened, I dont think theyre coming. Can you get me out of here? Bens voice crackled and faded in and out of the static fuzz. I took another swig of my beer and heaved a sigh.

Of course they werent coming. They were frantically searching for the last clue. My hand crept into my pocket as I felt it folded there, the creases poking at the soft flesh of my palm.

Mike? Are you there? Did you go out of range?

I turned the walkie talkie off. I didnt need it anymore, anyway. Carefully, I picked up a handful of disturbed earth from the top of the makeshift grave. I poured it down the pipe and listened.

I heard the muffled exclamation, the series of expletives. I thought I could hear a thumping sound he must be hitting the top of the coffin. I smiled a little to myself as I poured some more dirt in through the pipe.

Bens struggles got louder and I felt a certain heat rising up in me. Oh, I knew it could be good, but I didnt know it could be good. This was incredible. This was perfect. This was .

Eventually, I grew bored of shoving the earth down into the coffin. I could hear Bens screaming and sobbing reverberating up the pipe. I yanked a handkerchief out of my back pocket and stuffed it inside. I made sure to plug it up good and tight.

It would only be a matter of time, now. Assuming he could regulate his breathing, he could possibly have a few hours. But I knew he was panicking. And that would simply serve to shorten his time.

The pounding grew weaker as I finished my beer. Once I was certain there was no saving him, I went to finish my work.

Ben was right everything really did go off without a hitch. I dont know what I was so worried about.

Id gone to find his lost sheep, the wayward participants who were scrambling in frustration for the last clue. I scolded them for making us wait so long, acted the part of the reluctant friend indulging his lunatic companion. I took them out to the grave. It was now past midnight.

They sat hushed as I gave the stupid speech that Ben had prepared for me. Everything seemed normal Id made sure to stow the rag before anyone could see it.

Friends, foes, and everyone in between. Tonight we gather to resurrect the ancient horror that has plagued mankind for centuries. Its tale, once a gruesome epic of blood and seduction, has become nothing more than commercialized fodder as society has aged. Now, the time has come for the phoenix to burn and rise again. So, too, shall the blood-soaked visage of the vampire! My voice resonated throughout the woods, and the morons in attendance clapped as they all reached for their shovels.

We dug him up in about half an hour. It was much faster work with his host of suckers. It was good that we reached the coffin quickly, because I could barely contain my excitement.

Two of the men opened the coffin and screamed. The women leaned in over the grave to peek as well, full of expectancy. There was something dreadful about the scene, to be sure.

Bens face had gone gray, sprayed over with a few specs of dirt. His hands were bloody, his fingernails pried off. Deep scratches decorated the top of the lid. The men who had opened his tomb dragged him out in a panic, unsure if this was part of the performance or not. A few moments of silent listening at his chest produced no heartbeat. The proclamation was definitive: he was dead.

They screamed. They called the police. They alternatively looked at his body and shielded themselves from its horror, enraptured yet struggling.

They ignored me.

But that was fine. It was fine because they were admiring my work, the work of the artist. Finally, I had been given this opportunity to prove my worth. Finally, I had found my sacrificial lamb. And it had been a rousing success. The heat raging in my body affirmed that much. I didnt even care if I was caught, so long as I could have this moment to hold for the rest of my life.

Ben was right. I should have known a man of principle never lies. And I owe him a debt of gratitude, for realizing the artist within me.

Art must be a little dangerous for it to be real.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/every-halloween-i-have-a-story-i-like-to-tell/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/172357360662

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samanthasroberts · 6 years