#nonbinary Sirius Black | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marlesbian · 1 year

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How i perceive Sirius Black

Starting with the basics

- gay he loved men

- genderfluid

- graysexual

- androginy THEY ARE ANDROGINY

- any pronouns (preference for using different pronouns in the same sentence)

- Has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and ADHD

- french/east easian/plain white idk i like these 3 hcs

- 1,78m tall (told everyone was 1,80m)

- Sirius was trained in ballroom dancing, piano, violin and had etiquette lessons as a child. Speaks French, English, German and Russian. She can play almost any instrument tbh.

- Loved to paint, write poetry and draw. (drew mostly on black and grey). Sirius also kept a journal he learned to charm so only his eyes could read it.

- Favorite band was Queen, also loved Bowie, KISS, Led Zeppelin, T. Rex and all of glam rock (later found a passion for punk) and secretly loved Tchaikovsky. Found muggle music through Andromeda. She was like her older sister and his biggest protector, he was destroyed when she was disowned. She kept buying sirius vinyls and sending it to her while she was at school.

- Sirius was a natural born rebel, they defied everything just by existing. "My existence is a scandal" was his motto.

- Sirius loved to read, but at home was only allowed to read russian and french classics like Dostoevsky, Victor Hugo, Tolstoy, Dumas etc.

- Once their uncle Alphard gave him Oscar Wilde books and that became her whole life. She loved 'The ghost of Canterville' and 'The Picture of Dorian Grey'. Sirius never really talked to other ppl about liking books though.

- At home, her life was shit, of course. Her parents were abusive and it started really young, they were manipulative and narcissistic, neglected Sirius's emotions and feelings, and prohibited him from showing their true self. But the abuse was discreet, quiet, it wasn't obvious to him. She knew it wasn't alright but also couldn't recognize it was abuse, to her, their parents just wanted what was best for him, wanted him to be their best self. Her mom still told him she loved them, they still gave star things, they treated them well and like shit at the same time.

- As Sirius was growing up the abuse kept getting worse, they started using curses and hexes and beating him, hurting her in many ways, but she thought he deserved it because that would help them become a better person, she still understood the abuse as care. As he turned 13 he was thought dark arts at home stars parents used his wants and needs as a way to control her, she always had to do something for her family to get basic human treatment. As she got older they started getting more violent, using unforgivables and curses that hurt her physically.

- Walburga was literally one of the worst people to walk on this earth, she was bitter, heartless, prejudiced, violent, ruthless, she was an awful human being and Sirius HATED her. Walburga was obsessed with keeping up appearances, making the family name justice, being better and superior to everyobody else, she had these delusions of grandeur, of maintaining a superiority status. He was scared she could become like her mother one day, that she was as insane as the woman who gave him life but also literally tortured and tried to kill her own children just for the sake of "the family name".

- Her relationship with Regulus was very complicated. When Reg was born Sirius loved him so much, he couldn't even explain. Reg was everything Sirius could never be. He was everything her parents wanted her to be, he was quiet, polite, patient, never spoke out of turn, he did everything his parents wanted him no without question. Sirius could feel in all the ways their parents acted that they loved Reg more, that Reg was what they actually wanted.

- Sirius hated herself for it because she hated his brother for something he could not control but they also loved him more than anything. So their relationship was unstable, some nights they went to each other for comfort, others they wouldnt even share looks. Around 9/8yo Reg told Sirius that he just always knew he had to play a part, to pretend in order to survive in that family, that he had to be literally a perfect child. For most of her life, Sirius did love his brother more than anything. After Reg grew up and started to get more brainwashed by his parents, they drifted apart he resented Sirius, he despised him for being a blood traitor, for being queer, for being wrong. (Abused children deal with abuse in different ways so i would never say regulus was a bad person, he was victim) Sirius had to leave and it was the right thing to do.

- Only started to have longer hair by the end of 4th year

- He was a happy child, a little star, brighting people's days, always laughing and being just loud. Her mother hated it. Orion was just neglectful and complacent with Walburga.

- Sirius was very loud, just a loud person, who talked loud, walked making noise, talked with their whole body

- His presence was always noticed, because she could not shut up. They always knew something was wrong in the way her family worked, every night she cried looking at the stars wishing to be saved, because she knew life could be better, she always felt something was missing, like a void in his chest, like he wasn't complete. That void was filled with James. He felt how real normal people love for the first time with James. He was the brother she wanted Reg to be, James was supportive of his every action and trait, they could hug and show affection.

- James was so much more than just a best friend, he was truly Sirius' brother, their relationship wasn't platonic nor romantic, their loved surpassed these notions we have of love. Their love just was. Nothing could compare to Remus though, he was her soulmate, her other half, they were connected by the red string, they were born to be together. He probably fell in love with Remus the second they met.

- Sirius was sensitive and also strong, she cried himself to sleep sometimes bc he didn't wanna bother anyone. He used humor to hide the fact that she hated himself, he was always cracking jokes and making people laugh, because that made her feel loved.

- Sometimes she lost her sense of self, she dissociated and wondered who she even was, if that person was actually them, if he wasnt pretending just to cause a scene, those days she became distant, nobody recognized him. He was agressive and impulsive and somehow was always hurting the people she cared most.

- Some days she felt like a complete failiure and waste of space, other days she felt he was better than every other living human, some days she loved who she was, others he wanted to die and be born as someone else. He didn't know how he felt about himself, nothing in her was constant, except the change. She didn't know how she felt, it was empty and simultaniously overwhelming because she felt everything and nothing at the same time. She was insecure and over confident, rude and also sweet and polite.

-His boggart was being left by everyone he loved.

- There was a time in his life where she treated everyone like shit on purpose because she was convinced that everyone would leave him and some point so it would be "her choice". That didnt last and it was awful, he felt awful, she cried every day, she began to self harm and hate himself.

- She hated being impulsive and always hurting people. She hated that sometimes his mind kinda shut off and he lost control of what he was doing and saying, hated that she couldn't remember it after, he hated that on these times she always did the worst things imaginable.

- Sirius dressed fem and masc, depends on the day and what he was feeling, they wore lots of leather jackets, croptops, low waisted jeans, oversize jackets, coats and sweaters. loved something showing chest, very flamboyant and sparkly. Their color palette was black, red, grey, purple and dark brown.

- Sirius loved tattoos and piercings. She got her first tattoo on sixth year, along with Remus. She had many ear piercings, nipple piercing and a stud nose (with a ruby on it)

- The relationship with his sexuality was complicated, he always knew she didn't like women the way boys were supposed to. In Hogwarts, he did everything to show everyone that he, in fact, did like girls. Until fifth year, she just couldn't take it anymore. she did hook up with some random girls just for show (nothing sexual, he couldn't physically put themselves through that). But then he met Benjy and that's when it all changed, Benjy helped him discover who she was, what they liked, what felt good and comfortable and what didn’t, helped them with the whole gender thing (Sirius did not give a fuck, sometimes he felt like a boy, sometimes not and that was it, couldn't care less about how ppl referred to or perceived her). So basically the only people he ever had anything with were Remus and Benjy.

-Sirius found it easy to hate and dislike things and people and she hated herself most of all for it. Because good people can't hate, good people only love, good people don't get angry and destructive. Therefore, in her mind, he was a terrible person.

- Sirius felt like a mistake sometimes, like a waste of space, like he was useless and could have done more to save his brother, to save her cousin, to be loved by their family. For a long time, that was all she wanted, that's what he would see in the mirror of Erised, him being her true self in front of her family, dressed however he pleased, and their family behind smiling, supporting and loving her.

- His boggart was himself, with the dark mark on her arm. The slytherin green tie, pale skin, hair all short and well cut. His biggest fear was being evil, ending up being the horrible person the voice inside their head kept saying he was.

- His biggest dream for years was being loved by his family, but becoming what they wanted was her biggest fear. She had always been torn.

- James was the one that made them realize that her family was fucked up, that they were wrong, that Sirius was enough and that he did not need to change in order to be treated like a person, that her family wasn't worth it and that she had to let go. It wasn’t easy, it took James five long years, but on December 1975 Sirius came all bloody to the Potters, left her family behind, and began to heal.

- Sirius was unstable, as established here, he hated herself for it. Sometimes she felt like she only did the wrong thing, like she was rotten and couldn’t be fixed, like she would die being a mistake like he could never be loved and never truly love.

- Sirius just has a very androgynous feminine aura, loved to explore gender expression, and never really cared what people said.

- Sirius Black and Remus Lupin are connected by the red string, they are head over heels in love with each other, they ARE love. Their relationship isn’t toxic, its beautiful and pure and genuine and sweet, it may have had its ups and downs but they never treated each other poorly. Even when they were mad or fighting, if one needed help or comfort, the other put everything aside to come to their aid. They were always touching and holding hands and exchanding looks, their love was so strong you could feel it in the air, everyone around them could see it, it was undeniable.

#sirius black #sirius orion black #sirius being sirius #sirius and james #the marauders era #marauders #marauders era #remus x sirius #wolfstar #prongsfoot #nonbinary sirius black #genderfluid sirius black #fem and masc sirius #sirius and remus #sirius and regulus #the black brothers #the black family #sirius and andromeda #sirius black headcanon

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nikolai-alexi · 9 months

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A little while back you did piercing hcs for the marauders and co could you do that with tattoos? 😁

Oh babes, absolutely! I love this idea and boyyyy do I have Thoughts about this

So sorry this took so long! I had to work on it in between back to back shifts at work. Let me know what you think of these!

Tattoos & Styles I HC The Marauders & Co With (and this time someone asked for my brain rot!)

James

Okay, so James is definitely a pincushion. He absolutely let Sirius use him as a practice mannequin when they were first learning how to tattoo so he’s covered in varying different tattoos of different styles and skill level. I think James has kinda always been covered in Sirius’ art, bc he absolutely let Sirius draw on him during class. So when ink pens turned to tattoo guns, James and his zero fear of permanence didn’t bat an eye at being used as a practice dummy.

On his right forearm, he has a matching tattoo with the Marauders. It’s a stag’s head, with a rat sitting on it, the Sirius constellation between the antlers, and a halfmoon behind it.

On his right bicep, he has a half sleeve. I HC James as Desi and Hindu, and that tattoo is a Mehndi design James created with an elephant in the foreground. He had Sirius do it, ofc, and it took like 4-6 sessions to get it done because Sirius was absolutely fixated on making sure it was perfect

Regulus gives him a stick and poke (like a legit one, not an ink pen insert and a needle one) and it’s of a stag with a cat playing in its antlers. It’s on the inside of James’ right ankle. He’s constantly pestering Regulus about doing more

When Effie and Monty pass (of very very old age and only that of course), James has Sirius create a memorial piece for them. They incorporate a lot of meaningful things in it for James; one of Effie’s own Mehndi designs, a crow (the messenger between the lands of living and dead as well as Effie’s favourite animal), Monty’s favourite book quote written in Punjabi, and a bunch of little symbols that represent them both. James and Sirius both sobbed through that entire tattoo. It rests right on top of James’ heart and spans most the left side of his chest

James is kind of a mess of different styles and skill levels, and is basically just covered in a bunch of small tattoos. He collects one on every holiday, pretty much any time Sirius is bored, or whenever something significant in his life happens. He’s just a living sticker book of art, basically

Marlene, Pete, and James each have their childhood house numbers tattooed on the inside of their left wrists. James’ is 421

Sirius

Sirius still has their runic tattoos and the chest tattoo, because I cannot physically make those not a thing. I love them so much

Down the back of their left arm, they have the cycles of the moon

Paw prints of a wolf and a dog, everywhere. Side by side down their spine, around their runic tattoos, down the side of their legs, etc.

Banding. There’s so much banding. Esp on their forearms! From super thin to super thick banding, it’s all over Sirius’ body. They have one set of banding that goes around their waist and it drives Remus crazy

Magic tattoo or not, Sirius absolutely has the Marauder’s Map footsteps all over them

Obviously they have the Marauders Tattoo too. It’s on the right side of their ribcage.

I think a lot of Sirius’ tattoos that they didn’t do themselves are runic. Protection runes, mostly, but all kinds of different runes in multiple runic languages (I HC Sirius as being a total Ancient Runes nerd)

All the tattoos Sirius did do on themselves are more like doodles than actual tattoos. Something popped in their head, they had time to spare, so they did it real quick. There’s not a lot of thought behind those ones

There are a bunch that are representative of the people in their life, though. Like they’ve got Regulus’ constellation, Alphard’s constellation, Andy’s constellation. They’ve got rat paw prints and deer hoof prints, James’ quidditch/footie/lacrosse jersey number, chess pieces with whiskers or a tail, chocolates stacked on top of books, etc.

They’ve got their own kind of memorial tattoo for Effie and Monty (they didn’t feel like they could use Effie’s Mehndi design because they’re not Hindu and there was a lot of guilt and stuff they needed to deal with before they could even bring themselves to do the memorial tattoo and James was ready to lose his mind because when his mum said that Sirius was her child no matter what, she didn’t mean that they were only her child if they became Hindu themselves. There were lots of conversations about that)

There really isn’t much open space on Sirius’ body lmao they just constantly tattoo over things and all sorts of chaos

Remus

Where Sirius is very chaotic with their tattoos, Remus is very methodical. It’s not that his tattoos can be read like a book or anything, he just puts a lot of thought into his tattoos. He dedicates limbs and areas of his body to certain things. He doesn’t just get an idea and slap it somewhere. It might be a control thing, it might not be, who knows. It’s just the way he does things

Has the Marauder tattoo on his left thigh

You know the chest tattoos with the hands? Remus has one, except the left hand is holding a can of petrol and the right one is holding a zippo

Remus’ right sleeve is almost patchwork, but it’s like a blended patchwork? I’m not sure how to describe what I think of when I think of his right sleeve, but basically, it’s a significance piece. His right sleeve is basically the places in his life that have left an impact on him. The house in Wales where he grew up, the fork his Mam swore up and down was lucky, the couches in the Gryffindor common room, and the brickwork fireplace. Candles from the Great Hall float all around his arm, the spot James showed him behind the Quidditch bleachers where he carved his name into the wood when he was high, the broken piano in the Shack that Sirius always tried to play, the door number to Sirius’ and his first flat, the uneven second hand kitchen table with tea cups on it they put in their kitchen. The castle itself. The forest. Everywhere that makes an impact on Remus’ life gets immortalised on his arm.

I am a firm believer that Remus would refuse to get anything wolf/dog related inked, but you bet he has stars all over. Sirius’ constellation is tattooed over his heart

I’m also a huge believer that Remus is a classics nerd, so his left side is dedicated to classic mythos and literature references. He’s got gods and goddesses and stories inked into his skin like it’s his arm that tells their stories, not the books themselves. He’s got Hades and Persephone reaching for each other between the worlds, Orpheus and Eurydice, and Achilles, Patroclus and the Trojan Horse. He and Regulus have a whole geek out when they realise they each have a mythos tattoo

Similarly to his mythos sleeve, I think Remus, especially growing up in Wales and with Hope as his Mam, give off big mythological creature nerd vibes (excluding werewolves, obvi). Like you cannot tell me that little bitty Remus Lupin was not a dinosaur kid. So his right leg is all mythological creatures. Kind of on theme with his sleeve, a lot of them are Greek, like Chimera, Pegasus, and a Sphinx. But he also has an Afanc, Tylwyth Teg (Welsh interpretation of Fae/Faeries), and an Adar Llwch Gwin (a griffin-type of bird, with the head and wings of an eagle and of a cat)

His left leg is sort of open, it’s where he puts things that don’t really have a “place” or when he runs out of space on his sleeves

Peter

Marlene, Pete, and James each have their childhood house numbers tattooed on the inside of their left wrists. Pete’s is 439.

Has the matching Marauder’s tattoo with James, Sirius, and Remus on his left bicep

He’s not necessarily opposed to getting more tattoos, but he pretty much just gets them with his friends. He feels like he’s too indecisive to just get one

Marlene

Marlene’s tattoos are chaos. There’s no rhyme, reason, or order to them. They could be super meaningful or they could be a rabbit wearing a fancy suit with a top hat balancing on a unicycle and frogs stuffed in the pockets (that one’s on her left thigh. she has no recollection of when or where she got it)

She has identical outline of cats around both of her nipples because she thought it’d be hilarious to have a “titty tat of a kitty cat!”…I’ll give you three guesses as to who did that for her and the first two don’t count.

Marlene, Pete, and James each have their childhood house numbers tattooed on the inside of their left wrists. Marlene’s is 465.

Marlene is the kind of person to walk into a shop and go “I have £100, what will that get me”. Her body is hers to decorate and she’s doing it with a fuck ton of permanent stickers

She has a matching tramp stamp with Evan, Barty, Dorcas and Tillie. It’s the absolute worst thing she has tattooed on her and she adores it.

She’s really just covered in flash work. There’s some traditional tattoos, with old school card suits and flowers on her shoulder. There’s neotraditional pieces, with the overlapping sun and moon on her hip. There’s lots of fineline, a dragon wrapping around a bouquet of poisonous flowers on her sternum. There’s a wacky sort of tribal/geometric half sleeve on her right calf. She’s got fun little watercolour pieces decorating her arms. She’s got a blackwork geometric piece that goes around her stomach that’s all negative space and shading details and no one can agree one what everything is or isn’t (she won’t tell anyone the answers either).

She has a very tiny snake and lion behind each of her ears

She has a mandala tattoo that goes across the back of her head, but you can only see it when she has an undercut in her hair

Mary

Mary is a fun one. She’s definitely a tattoo fiend, but while she’s not methodical like Remus and Regulus are, she’s not chaotic like Barty and Marlene are with them.

She’s got a lot of different things, a bunch of muggle references, a lot of Wizarding references

Couple of fun floral pieces

Something about Mary just screams “forest” piece to me. I think she’s got a sleeve that’s all themed after the Forbidden Forest and it’s all done in realism. Very spooky but also very beautiful

Not to make this heartbreaking, but if canon compliant Mary got one tattoo before she obliviated herself, I think she would have gotten a tattoo of Hogwarts with a compass, because even though Hogwarts was the source of her trauma and pain, a part of her would always feel at home there. So when she knew she was going to obliviate herself, she got herself something to find home with, should she ever need it

Solar System. Mary strikes me as a closeted Astronomy and astrology nerd. I think she’s got a solar system tattoo, straight down her spine, and a galaxy tattoo on her ribs, and then maybe the astrology signs somewhere?

Matching butterfly tattoo with Lily, Mary’s is a Monarch

Lily

Lily, loml, she’s a watercolour babe 10000%

She doesn’t have a ton of pieces, but she gets a few every now and again

Fineline watercolour girlie for sureeee and we love her for it

She says she doesn’t like floral pieces, but she has one on her sternum, however it absolutely does NOT have lilies in it

Miss Girl absolutely has one of those fineline tattoos with the stack of books with a tea cup on top of them and the steam looks like magic, you know the ones I’m talking about? And it’s like in her inner forearm right by her elbow

Has a matching butterfly tattoo with Mary, Lily’s is a Swallowtail

Regulus

Has a bottom lip tattoo that says “CUNT”. It was his first tattoo and his second ever act of rebellion against his parents (his first being his nipple piercings). Barty came up with the idea to have them all write down a word and then pick it out of a hat and that’s what they’d get tattooed. Barty and Evan could not stop laughing when Regulus pulled out his.

Regulus is very similar to Remus in a way. His tattoos are all very organised and thought out, minus a few impulse ones with his friends or Sirius and the Marauders

Regulus really favours abstract, geo, and blackwork styles, with a bit of fineline influence in some pieces. He doesn’t have a single colour tattoo, strictly black and grey.

His left arm is all bold lines, sharp angles, heavy black work, and lots of negative space. He got it right after he got unofficially disowned, used the bank account his parents cut him off from as a last “fuck you” to them and it kind of represents his inner turmoil during that time of his life. He did the sleeve in one session, it took 13.5 hours and his artist took more breaks than he did. If that gives you an idea of how his mental state was at the time

His right arm is lighter, less harsh lines and negative space, more open linework. Lots of geometric patterns that feed into each other shoulder to wrist. There’s still some inverted shading and negative work, but for the most part, it’s fairly open. There’s a lot more diversity in his right sleeve than his left, stacks of shapes and a bunch of 3D shading, the linework seems to twist and turn with his arm, rather than go against the grain of his body like his left does.

His chest piece is his absolute favourite of all his tattoos. He and Barty started on it almost immediately after he got the all clear from Drs/Healers after his top surgery. The tattoo is of a Boomslang snake, and it weaves in and out of his surgery scars like it’s entering and exiting his body from under his skin. It slithers all the way around his chest, ribs, and back, before it curls over his shoulder and it’s head comes right to his heart. It’s jaws are open, and it looks like it’s striking at his heart. Throughout the scales, the use of heavy blackwork and negative space carves out the words “Le monstre n'a pas peur de ce qu'il deviendra” or “the monster does not fear what it will become”. It was one of the most painful tattoos Regulus has, because his top surgery scars were still healing, but the tattoo and the fact that it was Barty who did it made it so incredibly worth it

His left leg has a full sleeve on it, and it’s super dope. The whole sleeve is based off of animals with magical or supernatural tales about them. The sleeve is almost done like a totem pole, but the faces are done half in geometrics and half in inverted shading. He has a fox, a coyote, a cat, a vulture, and a bat

His right leg is where all of his impulse tattoos go. Or where he lets Barty and Sirius practice. There’s a lot of small pieces and some larger ones. Sirius did a piece on his thigh that’s a realistic portrait of a lion, except the Regulus constellation covers it’s chest. Barty did another piece with a dog and the Sirius constellation on his calf.

He has a tattoo of Icarus with his wings melting and falling from the sky on the right side of his rib cage

He wants to do a back piece and fill in his torso at some point. Give him 3-5 years to make up his mind and not over think it lmfao

Barty

Blackwork. So. Much. Blackwork.

If he’s got tattoos in a magical fic, his entire left forearm is a blackout. Then the rest of that sleeve is an inverted sleeve with negative space

Has a snake that starts on his sternum, wraps around his neck, under his right arm, over his shoulder and ends on his chest. Done in blackwork style also

His right sleeve is a bit of a mashup. He’s got some blackwork and negative space, but also a bit of fineline work.

He has a neck and face tattoo. It’s on the left side, and it starts near where his shoulder meets his neck then goes up his neck, and around his head and ear. It’s a rose bush. (If it’s a magical tattoo, the different coloured roses bloom and close at different times depending on Evan’s moods)

On his right hipbone, Evan tattooed “ROSY” on him

He has a galaxy and constellation tattoo on his left thigh, it’s the only other coloured tattoo he has besides his rose bush one. He got it for Regulus when he officially changed his name after coming out as trans

His legs are full of small tattoos he did himself. He started tattooing to piss his father off, so some of them are really dumb or badly done, but it’s so on brand for him that he touches them up from time to time just to make sure they stay. The tattoo he’s most proud of though, is Regulus’

I think his ribs and torso are pretty covered, probably a mix of random flash art he thinks is cool when he’s in the shop and more floral designs with snakes.

He absolutely has knuckle and hand tattoos, but for the life of me I cannot decide what exactly they’d be. Part of me really thinks he would do a nod towards Hogwarts and do a snake, an eagle, a badger, and a lion and just do symbols on his knuckles. The other part of me thinks he’d do something ridiculous like “PLAN” on his right hand and “AHEA” on the left just because he’s Barty and why wouldn’t he do shit like that

He has a matching tramp stamp with Dorcas, Marlene, Tillie, and Evan because they were all high as a mf and thought it would be hilarious (it is, in fact, hilarious and the most 70s tramp stamp ever)

Has a bottom lip tattoo that says “SLUT”

He wants to do a massive back piece (talking like shoulders to thigh), but hasn’t decided 100% what he wants to do, so hasn’t done it yet. But once that’s done he’s going to have very little open skin left to tattoo

Evan

On his right hipbone, Barty tattooed “BEE” on him

Has a bottom lip tattoo that says “WHORE”

I cannot stress enough how much of a new school vibe I get from Evan. Like this mf gets just the weirdest shit tattooed on him

Rose bush, but all the flowers are skulls. It takes up like all of his torso and rib cage. There’s also a bunch of vines and poisonous plants tangled in there. Somehow it simultaneously does and doesn’t at all fit his vibe

Dragon. Giant, wrapping, dragon. Takes up his entire right leg from the top of his foot up his hip. The dragon’s head wraps up around his thigh and arsecheek then over his hip bone and is blowing smoke right at his naval. He thinks he’s funny.

He and Pandora have a double helix DNA tattoo. Evan’s is on the outside of his left hand

Pandora

Had a bottom lip tattoo that says “PSYCHO” (Barty was PISSED when she got this one until he pulled his out and then wasn’t quite as mad. He did try to get Evan to tattoo his upper lip with it so he could be “Psycho Slut” which he thought was very on brand)

Pandora is also very new school vibe for me. I feel like she would absolutely get all of her creatures tattooed in a new school style and then have a really abrupt fineline piece here and there. It kinda makes your head spin, but that’s the whole point of it

Pandora and Evan have a double helix DNA strand tattoo. Hers is on the outside of her right hand

Has a giant realistic thestral on her thigh

Moths, lots of really cool fineline tattoos of different moth species (idk she strikes me as a bug girlie)

Dorcas

Has a bottom lip tattoo that says “BITCH”

Has a massive sword tattoo down her spine

Right sleeve is an ivy sleeve, it’s just vines and wrapping around her arm and hand. Some of it goes between her fingers and under her arm

Has a lot of Japanese Traditional style tattoos, the Yin and Yang koi fish on her thigh, cherry blossoms up her left calf, phantom Samurai on her ribcage

On her right calf she has a tattoo of a witch being burned at the stake, very haunting, very cool

Amelia

Has a balance tattooed on her inner left wrist and a gavel on her inner right wrist

Has a matching tattoo with Emme and Tillie of a stack of TNT on her hip

I think Amelia keeps her tattoos covered for the most part. They’re really important to her, but they’re definitely FOR her, ya know? Idk, that’s just the vibe I get from her

Emmeline

Has a matching tattoo with Amelia and Tillie of a stack of TNT on her hip

Something about Emme just screams floral tattoos to me. I think she definitely has a sleeve (or two) of mostly floral tattoos. It feels like a really nice dichotomy between how much of a badass she is (either as an Auror or firefighter or whatever kickass occupation she has) and how soft and kind she can be. I really see her having a sleeve on her right leg that she absolutely gets done in black and grey so her godbabies can colour her flowers in whenever she babysits them

Tillie

Has a matching tattoo with Emme and Amelia of a stack of TNT on her hip

Has a matching tramp stamp with Evan, Barty, Dorcas, and Marlene, she has zero recollection of getting it but every time she has to see the unfortunate thing, she can’t help but laugh. She vows to never get high and get tattoos with them again, but she absolutely fails at that

Shark tattoos. Like so many. Whale sharks, hammerheads, great whites, black tips, nurse sharks, shovelnose, etc. There’s just random little tiny shark tattoos all over her and I’m obsessed with them

On the same theme, I think she also has an ocean theme leg sleeve. A full coral reef, mermaids, all kinds of fish, ofc there’s sharks, maybe a whale and definitely an octopus in there. The whole thing is done in full colour and goes from her ankle all the way up her hip and ends at the bottom of her ribcage

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ratmom819 · 2 months

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i just know when sirius realized the extent of what happened to harry at his first two years at hogwarts she spiraled

like rage at dumbledore but so guilty that he wasn't there, and worried bc this kid is so goddamn traumatized and things are only getting worse, and terrified bc he could've lost harry before he ever escaped

but also impressed bc holy shit her godson is so brave and talented and strong! like, that is for sure james and lilys kid and she just loves him so much and can't help but be proud on top of everything!!

and this doesn't even go into pre hogwarts....

#migrated from twitter #sirius black #harry potter #sirius and harry #godparent sirius black #nonbinary sirius black #genderfluid sirius black #harry is traumatized

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marauderstan014 · 1 year

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I was depressed on James' birthday and almost forgot about it, but I still managed to write something silly and post on ao3, but I had forgotten to post it here, so there it is, 502 words of oblivious James

"Good morning, beautiful," James opens his eyes and yelps, seeing Sirius' face far too close. "How are you in this beautiful morning?"

"Moony, your partner is hitting on me again." He hears Remus laughing and reaches out for his glasses, then turns his speech at Sirius. "Hello, gorgeous, what are you doing on top of me?"

"James, stop hitting on my partner. Sirius, stop hitting on my brother."

"Well, your brother is always hitting on my brother."

Peter sighs exaggeratedly. "Your brother is your best friend's boyfriend, Sirius."

"You still didn't answer my question, why are you on top of me?"

All his friends laugh. "What day is it, Prongs?"

"Saturday."

"Alright," Sirius sighs and leaves his bed. "Pete brought breakfast and then you and Moony are going to the library."

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

James rolls his eyes and gets out of his bed, sitting down on the floor to eat. They don't talk much, too busy eating. He does, too, what Sirius said, because if Moony needs someone to keep him company, then he'll be this person.

"Why do you need me?" He asks as they sit down.

"I'm having trouble with transfiguration."

"Transfiguration?" Remus nods. "Remus, we're revising first year's spells."

Remus' face turns red and James laughs. "Come on, Moony, what's happening?"

"Oh alright, I wanted to talk to you, that's all."

James crosses his arms and nods. "I'm all ears."

Remus sighs and doesn't meet James' eyes, it starts to get worrying when he starts tapping the table with his fingernails that are too big. He'll tell Sirius they need to start cutting their boyfriend's nails again.

"Moony?"

"I just…" He sighs again. "What time is it?"

"Almost lunchtime already, why?"

"We should go back to the Gryffindor tower."

Before James can even protest, Remus flees from the library so fast that James has to run to keep up.

"Oi Remus, what the fuck?" He yells at the corridor. "Slow down, you're going too fast."

Remus stops abruptly and looks back at James with a smirk. Oh no. "That's what she said."

"Oh fuck off."

Remus smirks again. "That's what she said."

"You're going to be my death."

"That's… Is that what she said?" James decides against answering. "Oh come on, James, I know you like this."

James laughs. "That's what he said." His eyes grow wide. "No, don't tell Sirius."

"Too late." Remus resumes running and they get to the Gryffindor tower panting. "Go on, get in."

"You know the password."

"Just do it, James."

"Alright, rude." As he opens the door, he hears all the voices silencing.

"Happy birthday!"

He blinks and tilts his head. "What?"

Sirius is the first one to walk to him, but Peter and Regulus follow. "What day is today, James?" Sirius asks again. "The number."

"I don't know, I didn't check."

Regulus snorts. "It's the 27th, idiot."

"Oh." He blinks again. "You did all of this for me?"

"Oh, mate," Peter pats his shoulder. "You deserve it."

He smiles.

#marauder era #harry potter marauders #good james potter #jegulus #nonbinary sirius black #fluff no plot #teenagers being teenagers #james and remus are siblings #autistic james potter #autistic remus lupin #but you can't exactly tell #they're autistic in everything I write #james doesn't have the concept of time

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eastwindmlk · 6 months

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Prompt 2: Photograph (494 words) by @prongsfoot-microfic This one comes with a song too:

It had been a gift from Lily for their sixteenth birthday. A black Polaroid camera. A large and unwieldy thing that they loved more than life itself. It had come with a note saying:

‘Capture what you love.’ Something he intended to do as much as he could.

So, the camera had become a permanent fixture. Wherever Sirius went, the camera came with him. Capturing as many moments as he could.

Their friends around the fire, bottles of butter beer scattered around. The remains of their gifts scattered around, smiles on everyone’s faces.

James, smiling over a letter from home. Unaware of the camera as he sits cross-legged on his bed.

Lily and Marlene are laughing together, arms wrapped around each other’s shoulders. Marlene’s lips are still on Lily’s ear. Dorcas covered her smile with her hand as she sat on the arm beside them. Mary is chewing on a sugar quill.

James explains quidditch to a group of muggleborn first-year students. Animated and sitting on the edge of his seat. Hand extended to mimic flight.

When looking at it, his voice was almost audible.

The quidditch pitch in morning fog, the rising sun filtering through the stands in a way that made it look truly magical to him

James pretending to shave in the mirror, shirtless. Moony was very amused in the reflection, pulling a face and glancing at Sirius in the mirror.

The team, after a victory, everyone embracing. Several hands reached his way. Marlene, looking exasperated and on the verge of telling him to put the camera down while she tugged at his robes.

Sirius themselves in the mirror, James embracing them, his hand already moving to mess up their hair. The remains of a kiss on the cheek in their smile.

Looking at the pictures like that, it was easy to see what Sirius loved. Especially as they spread them out on the bed, inspecting them all carefully. The old cigar box he kept them in was adorned with the little note it had come with.

This little collection of items has rapidly become his most prized possession.

Looking up from where they lay on his bed, only to see James wander in from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his hips. A distracting trail of dark hair made Sirius’s eyes trail to places their eyes had no business being.

But by the time they were able to tear their eyes away, James was already next to them. He leans against the post next to them, looking down with his hair still damp and his body still radiating the heat from the shower.

“Looking at those again, Pads?”

“Mhm, they’re my favourites.”

Strong, calloused fingers reached out, snatching the one of the pair of them up between middle and index. Studying it for a moment.

“I like this one.”

Sirius’s heart lurched, a smile tugging at their lips as they remarked,

“Yes, it really captures the spirit of the gift.”

#prongsfoot microfic #prongsfoot #sirius x james #james potter #nonbinary sirius black #sirius black #fluff #microfiction #Spotify

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badmoonrose · 6 months

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Questions for fic writers

thank you @chaosisorderao3 for the tag! (ze tagged my main @neonandfuckinggarbage

How many works do you have on AO3?

5, with a few started that I haven't posted

What's your total AO3 word count?

10,809. I write very short.

What fandoms do you write for?

I've posted fics for agents of shield and harry potter (mostly marauders), I have plans for a community fic, a gomens fic, more mcu, and a stranger things fic on the back burner.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

pretty kooky too, home is your arms, getting the words out, skating a pirouette on ice is cool, and true trans soul rebels, respectively.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do, because I get very few.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I haven't actually written any angsty endings yet, but since I abandoned hiya on a cliffhanger, that'd be it.

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

pretty kooky too.

Do you get hate on fics?

Do you write smut?

not any that I'll ever publish!

Do you write crossovers?

I started making plans for an AOS/criminal minds crossover, but it never panned out because I just don't like cm that much.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

What's your all-time favorite ship to write for?

wolfstar just hits me right in the feels, but as I make plans for my trobed fic I'm remembering how much I love them.

What's A WIP that you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

the sequel to my unstarted vamp!sirius fic, and pirouette.

What are your writing strengths?

I'm really not sure

What are your writing weaknesses?

dialogue, apparently it can be pretty clunky.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Maybe if I were fluent.

First fandom you wrote for?

I think agents of shield, but maybe something I never posted that I forgot?

Favorite fic you've written?

mostly true trans soul rebels, but getting the words out has a special place in my heart.

I tag @saintchaser and @stoptheuniverse

List of questions under the cut for ease of copy-pasting.

How many works do you have on AO3?

What's your total AO3 word count?

What fandoms do you write for?

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Do you get hate on fics?

Do you write smut?

Do you write crossovers?

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

What's your all-time favorite ship to write for?

What's A WIP that you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

What are your writing strengths?

What are your writing weaknesses?

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

First fandom you wrote for?

Favorite fic you've written?

#marauders #marauders fanfic #marauders era #trans harry potter #trans hp #trans marauders #trans remus lupin #nonbinary sirius black #agents of shield #trans fitz #trans leo fitz #idk what to tag i just want more followers

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munacy · 1 year

Note

Keep your terf book fanart off of people’s dashboards. Thanks

yikes.

anyway.

here’s non-binary Sirius Black for everyone else to enjoy. 💋

#Sirius black #nonbinary Sirius black #Genderqueer Sirius black #Ahh what a fuckin king/queen/royal #A la Johnny cash pose #They would for sure flick off the camera #not a peace sign #I mean that’s canon #But I didn’t want that sentiment in this context 🤭#Art by munacy #Answers by munacy

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 month

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Focus On Me- New Jegulus Fic!

I...completely forgot to post this on here!

So, I've been super excited about this idea for WEEKS and I finally got around to starting it!

Pairing: Jegulus (background wolfstar) Rating: Explicit (minors DNI) Length: 3k (WIP, 1/7 chapters completed) Important tags: Trans!Reg, Nonbinary!Sirius, model!Regulus, model!Sirius, photographer!James, AU (modern, no powers, everyone lives), NOT a slowburn, VERY explicit

Summary:

"And then, throwing caution to the wind, he slowly lowered himself back completely, resting his body on the bed, before arching his back and biting his finger, as if to stop himself from making a noise. He held the pose for a moment, expecting some direction, or the click of the camera, but he heard nothing. So he looked up, his eyes meeting the hazel ones he’d admired earlier. And there James was, his mouth a bit agape, staring at him both through the lens of the camera and over it, looking like he’d been hit over the head with a bowling ball." - James is a photographer in need of a model. It just so happens that Regulus is a model. And there are LOTs of ways that one can take a picture.

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soulless-bex · 1 year

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sirius black but make them nonbinary

i imagine they would have hates themself for it throughout their childhood and hidden, especially after their parents told them something along the lines of ‘boys don’t wear skirts’, but then met the rest of the marauders, who made them confident enough to dress however the fuck they wants

#sirius black gives me strong gender nonconforming vibe #and what better way to translate that feeling than to make them non-binary #if i didn’t knew jkr better i wouldn’t have been surprised if she came forward and made them non-binary #if she did now id just be uncomfortable #fuck rowling #harry potter headcanon #harry potter fandom #harry potter #sirius black #nonbinary sirius black #sirius black headcanon #sirius black hc #nonbinary character #nonbinary #nonbinary representation

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moonyfr · 1 month

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"They can't all be gay that's unrealistic-"

Yes, bc teenage WIZARDS who can TURN INTO ANIMALS bc of their WEREWOLF friend whom they found in a school for MAGIC is very realistic. Right.

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marlesbian · 11 months

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Sirius Black's sole purpose of existing is being queer. i mean queer in the most primary sense of the word: strange, odd. being strange to the concepts of heterosexuality, cisgenderism and every established concept regarding sexuality, gender and romantic attraction. they were just existing in his own way defying cishet norms, his aristocratic family, patriarchal structures and capitalism in itself, Sirius was a punk queer through and through.

#sirius black #nonbinary sirius black #punk sirius black #sirius is just such a huge queer #marauders #the marauders era

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nikolai-alexi · 11 months

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HC that Minnie gave Sirius their very first leather jacket as a birthday or Christmas present the first one after their disownment.

Secondary HC that the jacket was Minnie’s from her own punk/rebel phase, and that she had embroidered the inside of the left lapel with “you miss 100% of the chances you don’t take” in blocky, uneven letters. They never get to sit down and talk about it, but that jacket is what gives Sirius the strength to continue on after everything with their family, their gender crisis, and the aftermath of The Prank.

#sirius black #remus lupin x sirius black #remus x sirius #nonbinary sirius black #sirius black and Minerva McGonagall #minerva mcgonagall #Minnie had a punk phase as a child you cannot tell me otherwise #Minerva oh oops I’m sorry Walburga I’m stealing your child McGonagall #Minnie loved all the marauders but there’s a very special place in her heart for Sirius

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a-strange-echo · 8 months

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Flufftober Day: "4+1"

Pairing: Sirius Black x animagus!Hufflepuff!reader

Summary: 4 times the marauders saw a big white dog plus the time they "adopted" it.

Word count: 1 282

Warnings: none, just fluff

Author's note: English is not my first langage, so please be mindful. Also, do not hesitate to tell me if there is any mistakes, i'll rectify it.

Author's feelings: I like the begining, i like the ending less. i might try to re-write it once the flufftober is over.

(Image found on google, credits to the original artist)

The first time the marauders met the dog was during a full moon. They were out during the night to go to the Shrieking Shack but Remus’ transformation appeared earlier and he shifted in the middle of the woods. It was a very difficult full moon that night, the three other men struggled to keep the wolf in the forest and not wandering outside towards the school or the villages. Peter had yet to transform, he was scared of the wolf he had to admit. It was comprehensible, when a full grown were-wolf is charging at you, you either run and die or are paralysed by fear and die. Luckily, a bark that didn’t sound like Sirius’ pulled him out of his paralysis just in time for him to shift in his rat form and dodge the wolf’s paw swing. It was now that a big white dog came out of nowhere, took Wormtail in its mouth and ran probably the fastest it could away from the wolf. The rat squeaked when he felt the teeth around his smaller form but realized the dog was still mindful to not squeeze too tight to hurt him. The dog finally released the rat a few meters away from the wolf who fortunately didn’t chase after them. Sirius went to check on his friend scared the dog was ill-intentioned but found it gently releasing the small animal and booped it with its nose as if to ask if he was alright.

After this, the unfamiliar dog ended up helping them during the whole duration of the full moon’s effect on Remus. The dog left before the sun rise, much to Sirius’ chagrin who would have liked to spend more time with a fellow dog.

“Mate, stop mopping, you’ll meet this dog again.” James tried to cheer him up later the next with a slap on the shoulder.

And he did meet the dog again. Around a month later. It was snowing heavily on the ground of Hogwarts and the marauders decided to have some fun and pull pranks in the snow when, at some point, Sirius heard a bark in the distance. He turned to his friends who heard it as well and, when they nodded, he sprinted to a secluded era and shifted in a dog, following a scent in the snow to find a white dog, the same white dog, playing in the snow as well. It was playfully growling and biting the snow when he arrived. He approached carefully when the other dog noticed his presence, head low but tail wagging gently to show he wanted to play. The white dog got into a play stance, head on the ground, butt in the air, tail wagging left and right and Sirius mimicked. The other dog jumped at him, biting his ear playfully and the two dogs started to play-fight. It lasted a while, until the two dogs were lying on the ground, paws in the air and tongues lolling out of their mouths. Sirius wondered if he should risk his new dog friendship and decided to roll on his side and shift back in his human form once the dog was looking at him. He saw the momentary shock on the dog’s face before he was the one surprised when the white dog also shifted to a human form. What was his surprise to see, in the place the dog once was lying in, the cute Hufflepuff he talked and joked with when they walked into each other in the hallways. They laughed it off and continued to lay on the ground for a while again, this time as humans, talking and laughing with each other.

“Shift back.” they had asked at some point.

Sirius was confused but obliged, seeing them do the same short after. The white dog slapped its paw on Sirius’ side, leaving snow paw print on the black fur. The dog then booped its nose against the side of his muzzle before leaving, strutting happily and disappearing behind the castle. Sirius was sure in this instant they had just flirted with him and quite literally marked him as theirs. At least, it was what he now firmly believed as he returned to his friends, doing a show of parading with the paw print in front of them. Today he did not just win a never ending list of teasing puns, he also got a situation-ship with another animagus, and by the little show he did, earned them a new nickname: “Snowpaw”.

The third time the marauders saw the white dog, was one evening when they were all in their dorm room. Well everyone except Sirius who claimed had some business he needed to do. So when James saw by the window his friend, in his dog form, running towards the lake where the white dog was waiting for him, he gasped dramatically. The noise attracted the other two boys who where quick to gather at the window to see a black dog and a white one sitting by each other on the lake shore, their tails on top of the other’s.

“-He didn’t tell us he had a date!” James voice was so high pitched with excitement, it could shatter glass.

“-Probably because he knows we will tease him for having a date with a dog.” Remus deadpanned.

“-I am the only one who realized this dog acts like Padfoot? Maybe its an animagus too.” Peter suggested, leaving the two other stunned. “I’m just saying.”

The last time they saw this, now, familiar dog was when Sirius dragged his three friend out of their shared room one day. It had taken some time for Sirius to convince Y/N to meet his friends. They were important to him and he wanted his lover and his friends to get together. However, Y/N wanted to take things slow, after all they only had been dating for a little over 3 weeks now and didn’t feel ready to talk to Sirius’ friends by fear of saying something to upset them. Even if Sirius reassured multiple times that they couldn’t say anything to upset them, Y/N was still adamant. So settle on meeting the friends in their animagi forms. When James, Remus and Peter got to where Y/N and Sirius were waiting for them, they were confused to see the white dog and Sirius waiting by its side in his human form. He quickly explained the situation and soon, his friends smiled wide, shifting into their animagi except for Remus who couldn’t but he was happy to just sit in the grass and enjoy the company of his friends.

It took Y/N some time to announce to Sirius’ friends who they were and that they were dating him, but they didn’t regretted it. It was nice to be part of a group now and to have someone who shares the same experiences as you. The relationship lasted long, very long, even after Hogwarts. It wasn’t a surprise when James took the mic at Sirius and Y/N’s wedding, doing his best man’s speech.

“-I have to say, I still feel betrayed that you didn’t tell me first you were dating someone, Sirius. I expected better from you.” he shook his head in disappointment. “Y/N I am very happy to have you, officially, in the family. Is this an adoption? It’s an adoption right?” people laughed at that, included the married couple.

“-You can count it as such, if you want, James.” Y/N went along.

“-Good. We are waiting for puppies now.” He said last then took his place back behind Sirius who had a hard time controlling his blush and laughter.

#sirius black x reader #fluff #flufftober #flufftober 2023 #sirius black #remus lupin #james potter #peter pettigrew #marauders #non binary character #nonbinary

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marauderstan014 · 1 year

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some fluf I had forgotten to post, it's not on ao3 yet but I'll post it there tomorrow.

remus had a meltdown and sirius is a good partner, i think that's the whole plot

“What's happening, love?"

"It depends, why are you asking?"

Sirius sighed. "If it depends, then I need to know everything."

They pulled Remus to the sofa and he stumbled before falling on their side. "Why are you asking?"

"You're too quiet and your face is weird, you look tired and upset."

"Had a meltdown today, wasn't really fun." He rested his head on Sirius' lap. "I ended up hurting myself, my head hurts, and my body."

"Oh, honey, do you want to talk about what happened?"

"Think it was too much noise, I ended up not being able to handle everything, something small upset me and... Well, that happened."

Sirius started stroking his hair and caressing his head, they touched a sore spot on the back of his head and he winced. "Whoa, are you alright?"

He nodded, closing his eyes. "Tired, my head hurts."

"You don’t sound well, are you sure you're just tired?" They kissed his forehead. "I know you normally get bad headaches after meltdowns, but maybe it's something more today."

"Just tired." He mumbled. "I'll take a nap if that's alright."

"Alright, love, let me get you a pillow and a blanket, I'll make some soup for later, what do you think?"

"Can you make boiled potatoes and eggs?"

"Anything you want, Moony."

He dozed off not long after that and Sirius got up to put the potatoes and eggs in a pot and run their boyfriend a hot bath. He needed something to help him relax and Sirius was sure he wouldn’t ask for it. They made sure the water was not warm, but hot, as Remus likes it, and put some lavender oil in the diffuser.

"Wake up for me, will you?" They kissed his forehead. "Food is almost ready and I prepared you a bath."

He blinked twice and spoke with a soft voice. "I don't want to get up."

"I'll help you, love, but I need you to, it'll make you feel better."

He slowly got up and grabbed their arm. "Will you stay with me?"

"Of course I will, I'll always be with you.” They helped him get in the tub. “Sit down and I'll wash your hair for you."

They made sure to be extra careful with the back of his head, knowing it would be sore. They know their boyfriend too well, they've seen him having meltdowns enough times to know exactly how bad he feels after them and why.

They helped him up and dried, and got him his favourite pyjama, an old t-shirt and sweatpants. "Come, food is ready." He nodded and followed them back to the kitchen. He didn't speak much during dinner, but his face showed how exhausted he was, so it was understandable. "Let's get in bed?"

"'m tired."

"I know, darling, you'll feel better when you lay down."

He nodded and followed them to their room. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

"For having hurt myself, and for not helping you with dinner, and for bothering you so much."

Sirius shook their head. "You didn't bother me." They kissed his forehead again. "And about hurting yourself, I know you couldn't help it. I don't like it when you do it, but I know you couldn't help it and I don't blame you, alright? I just don't like to see you hurt, but I'm not angry or upset at you at all." They smiled. "Alright?" He answered with a yawn. "Sleep well, my love."

"Hey, Siri?" Remus poked them awake. "Sirius? Are you awake?"

"Hm?" They opened their eyes slowly and yawned, feeling slightly annoyed. "I am now, what do you want?"

"I'm sorry, I really didn't want to wake you, but I…"

He didn't finish, but Sirius didn't want to push, so they grabbed his hand tightly and brought it to their lips. “It’s alright, Remus, just tell me what you want.”

"I’m sorry, I know you hate it when I wake you up like this, but…”

He didn’t finish again. “I’m not angry, Moony, I just need to know what is going on.”

“I don't feel well." His breath hitched and Sirius felt bad for being harsh before. "And I can't sleep."

"Oh, Moony, are you feeling ill? How can I help?"

"Not ill, I just wanted…" He sighed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have woken you up for this, it's stupid, I'm sorry."

"I'm sure it's not stupid, not if it made you need to wake me up, whatever is making you feel like this is important and you can tell me if you need to."

"It's just… Can you give me a hug? A very very tight hug?"

They felt their face relaxing a bit, relieved it wasn’t something too bad. "Of course I can give you a hug, Moony, whenever you want me to."

Remus came closer and Sirius squeezed him as tightly as they could, he started melting in their embrace after some time. "Better?"

"A bit, thank you."

Sirius shook their head and kissed his head. "It's the least I could do, do you think you can sleep if I hug you? Do you need the pressure?"

"Yes, please."

"Alright, is there anything else you need?" No answer. "Moony?" He wasn't even breathing. "Remus!" They shook his shoulder. "Remus, love, come back to me."

"Everything's hurting."

"Hurting? You just said you aren't ill."

"I'm not, it's that emotional kind of physical pain."

"What do you need?"

"Please, just…" He sniffled. "Just hold me, please. I need you."

“Moony, honey, what happened to you?”

“I don’t know, I just feel bad, desperate.” Sirius sighed, that sounded like a depressive episode. “Hopeless.”

“Remus,” they choked, it was definitely a depressive episode. “Oh, Remus, have you been taking your potions?”

“Every day.” They sighed again. “I’m sorry, Sirius, I promise I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Of course you didn’t, it’s not your fault.”

“But you’re angry.”

“I’m not angry, love, I’m worried.”

"But you don't like it when I feel like this."

"Just like I said before, I don't like to see you feeling bad because I love you and I want you well, it's not like you can control when you'll have depressive episodes, I just want you to be alright, but it's not your fault that you aren't." They kissed his head. "Do you understand?"

He nodded. "Thank you."

“Don’t thank me, Remus, I’m your partner, all I want is your health. Physically and mentally. I’ll be here for you.”

“All I do is burden you with my health problems, I have a lot of them.” His eyes watered again and Sirius’ heart ached. “I’m ill every other week, if it’s not my body, it’s my bloody mind. And you keep having to take care of me.”

“Love, if I didn’t want to take care of you, I wouldn’t do it. I love you, everything about you, and if it means taking care of you, I’ll do it with pleasure.”

“You’re too good.” Remus nuzzled Sirius’ neck and whispered. “I don’t deserve you.”

“You’re always taking care of me as well, and I won’t let you deny it. We need sleep, alright? Close your eyes, I’ll be right here.”

#marauder era #harry potter marauders #sirius black x remus lupin #autistic remus lupin #nonbinary sirius black #meltdown #fluff no plot

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