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justmeinadaze · 2 months

Note

I was rereading your aftercare series and I thought about if reader and her bf had like really bad sex, maybe like in his car or something, and she doesn't even cum, and then he drops her off at home where Steve and Eddie help her get off and then take the best care of her 💙

Ok so I have a couple of requests in waiting I may use this version of them for. I think it will help focus my brain and since a lot of your requests are like this I think I can fit it into this AU and get them out faster :)

I hope you like!

Why Can't I Be in a Meg Ryan Movie? (Or Even a Good Porno)

Warnings: Actor Steve Harrington/ Rockstar & Actor Eddie Munson and Actress Fem Reader, SMUT, in the shower :), some heavy petting on set, dirty talk, reader and her boyfriend have sex and she does not have a good time (quick and brief), FLUFF, these three are filming a movie together and since they are supposed to be friends they BECAME friends behind the scenes, ANGST, reader is unhappily in a relationship, he's a dick sabotaging scenes and talking down to her, they are filming an 80s Slasher movie together so their are times those scenes are conveyed (mentions of death, blood, needing to feel safe, etc.) Those scenes are brief.

Word Count: 4897

The metalhead swings open his front door, gun drawn as you squeak and hide behind your gorgeous, captain of the football team best friend.

“Whoa! It’s us, James, it’s us.”

“Jesus, Carter. What the fuck happened?!”, the long-hair boy asks as he gestures you two inside and locks the door.

“Cindy’s fucking dead.”, the jock answered with a gruff tone as he guided you towards the sink and began washing the blood from your hands as you sobbed.

“Shit. Nina, I’m so sorry.”

“I-I-It’s ok.”

The man’s palms grip your cheeks as he wipes your tears with his thumbs.

“It’s not. We can make it through this. I know we can. We just need to figure out who this fucker is so we can kill him ourselves.”

“Agreed but we aren’t doing that tonight. James, is it alright if we stay here with you?”

“Dude, yeah, of course. Sweetheart, you can take the bed and we can—”

“No!”, you cry out. “Please…I don’t want to be alone.”

“Of course, there’s only one fucking bed.”

Everyone in the room groans as you frustratingly lay your forehead against the tattooed arm you had reached out to grab.

“Cut! Ryan, we’ve talked about this. You can’t interrupt a scene.”

“Aren’t you shooting in the studio next door?”, Steve growled in annoyance as he threw the prosthetic bat he was holding on to the counter.

“Maybe they got tired of him to.”, Eddie whispered loud enough that your boyfriend could hear.

When you received the script from your agent to be in a typical 80’s slasher, you immediately turned him down for fear of being type cast like some of the other actresses you read about who starred in the genre but when he mentioned you’d be working with not only the massive heartthrob and brilliant actor Steve Harrington but also the rockstar of one of your favorite bands Corroded Coffin, you changed your tune.

When you told your boyfriend however he was less than amused. Honestly, you thought it was more his anger that you were getting a high paying job than who you were working with. Ryan’s own career was starting to stall as the ratings for his current show were in decline. You noticed he had begun taking that out on you in subtle ways like demeaning you at a party or, like right now, sabotaging a scene.

“Fuck you, Munson. I’m a respected actor! You’ve been in what one other movie?”

“Well shit. He got me, Harrington. What the fuck would I know about being an actor? Please Ryan can you teach me how to get on your level? Teach me how to be an asshole just like you!”

“OK! Jesus.”, the director whined. “Can we reset and do this with no interruptions please?!”

Both men turn and you follow Steve to the other side of the door.

“I’m so sorry, you guys. He’s not always like this.”

“Hm. You need to be careful with that one, honey. I know he’s your boyfriend and all but I don’t want him to ruin all the hard work you’ve done here.”

“Steve, this is a slasher film about a killer who wears a suit and clown mask killing high school seniors. It’s not Citizen Kane.”, you giggle making them smile.

“Yeah but picture people dressing up like you like they do with Jamie Lee Curtis or that hot chick whose show was big when we were school. What was it, Steve?”

“I have no idea.”, he chuckles.

“With the hair and the black dress that…” Eddie mimed pushing his chest together as if he had boobs making you laugh harder.

“Elvira?”

“YEAH! Good job, princess. Thank you. Imagine people dressing like you in that sexy ass tank top and jeans that hug them hips.”

You grinned as you lightly punched his arm. Since Steve was playing your best friend, after you were cast you reached out to him and invited him to lunch hoping to get to know him better. When he told you Eddie was hisbest friend, you insisted he bring him along and over the last few months had gotten to know both men fairly well. You loved their attitudes and the way they made you laugh. You felt safe with them which in a media dominated by men you appreciated.

***

“How was your date last night?”, you ask Steve while the three of were laying in the bed on set.

You were a bit nervous because this was supposed to be your big kiss scene with him so you were trying to lighten the mood as much as possible.

“Pfft terrible. She whined the entire time about my restaurant choice and was rude to the staff.”, he sighed as Eddie giggled behind you.

“I tooooold you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Shut up, Munson.”

“See we never had that problem when we shared girls.”

“Whoa! Excuse me. You’re going to have to elaborate on that.”, you laughed with wide eyes.

“Ok, first off, it did happen a few times which is why we aren’t currently in a relationship. Secondly… Eddie and I…may have shared a partner a time or two.”

“Wow. Do you two, um,…”

“No, we don’t ‘um’ but yeah we like the way a woman unfolds when we take care of her.”, the metalhead smiles making you blush a bit. “Have you ever tried it?”

“Oh, uh, no. I’m not really…adventurous like that I guess.”

“Captain asshole doesn’t blow your mind?”

Your smile widens as you punch his chest.

“Not…no. I don’t know. Ryan tries but lately he seems so distracted.”

“Hm. That’s a shame. Beautiful girl like you should have all the attention on her.” Steve throws a soft grin your way, deepening the pink around your cheeks.

You’re suddenly very aware you are in a long heavy metal shirt with underwear and no pants while both men are in sweatpants with Steve shirtless.

“Ok, gang, get comfy. We’re going to do some lighting tests real quick to make sure we’re still good and then we’ll start rolling.”

Nodding, you three get in your places that were discussed in rehearsal. As Eddie wraps his arm around your waist and you do the same across Steve’s tummy, you feel very thankful your boyfriend wasn’t there today. After lifting his arm, you rest your head on his chest as he casually starts playing with your hair.

“I’m not fucking anything up am I?”, he asks in a deep, husky voice you weren’t prepared for.

“Oh, uh, no I think…I think you’re fine.”

“You can put your hand on my chest if you want.”

Blinking up at him, you do what he suggests and a sigh leaves his lips at the feeling.

“Ok, we are good to go. Everyone is sleeping except you Carter. Nina wakes up, you say your lines, kiss, and then you hear a noise that startles you.”

Your eyes shut as you nuzzle into him as he continues to move his fingers through your hair.

“Alright, I need quiet on set and action!”

Your head stirs at the feeling of fingers caressing you as your eyes flutter open.

“Carter?”

“Yeah, hey, I’m right here.”

“Have you gotten any sleep?”

“No but I’m ok. James is past the fuck out though.” You both laugh as you glance behind you towards the sleeping metalhead. “He rolled over a while ago and wrapped his arms around you. I guess he thinks you’re a teddy bear or something. You ARE very comfy.”, he grins as he looks down at you. “I’m a little jealous.”

“James IS very pretty.”

His smile grows as he kisses your forehead.

“Naw, honey. I mean he is very beautiful but…not as beautiful as you.”

Your eyes scan his as you both slowly tilt forward. When his lips land on yours, your body lights up as your palm lightly grips his cheek. His kisses come a bit more passionately as his own hand grips the back of your neck. As his tongue slides into your mouth, you groan as your mind is suddenly clouded with fuzzy feelings of your best friend.

Is it just you or can you feel your other friend pressing himself against you. Isn’t he asleep? Maybe I could turn and—

“CUT! Guys! Listen!”, the director yells. “I said cut like five times! Y/N, Steve, remember in rehearsal we said it was a soft, delicate kiss.”

“Sorry.”, the actor whispers before turning towards you. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok.” You glance towards Eddie whose eyes are squeezed shut still but he’s murmuring things to himself.

“Cold showers, cold showers, Wayne naked, fucking Jeff puking after too many booze…”

“Are you alright?”, you ask.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m, um, I’m ok. I’m sorry if you, um, we can…I’m sure the intimacy lady can put like a pillow or something…”, he suggests as his gaze shifts between his legs under the blanket. “Y/N, I don’t think you’re supposed to moan when you kiss him.”

“Huh?”

“You moaned when you were kissing me.”, Steve answered breathily as he continued staring into the void with wide eyes.

“That’s why I’m…I have a… you have really sexy moans, sweetheart.”

“And you taste really fucking good.”

Your eyes lock with Steve’s at his comment as a heavy exhale escaped your lungs.

“Alright, gang, reset!”

Laying back in your original positions, you realize Eddie’s is a bit farther from you than he was before. Biting your bottom lip, you turn your head as much as you can towards him.

“Ed, you can…you can scoot closer.”

“Y/N, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“I’m not.” To emphasis your point, you push your lower half into his and a subtle groan leaves his throat. Holding your hips, he grinds against you making your eye lids droop as your rub your thighs together and lift your leg over the other man’s waist, just grazing the growing bulge in the sweats they had them in.

“Ok! We’re ready to go. Take two and we’re rolling…action!”

You ARE very comfy.”, he grins as he looks down at you. “I’m a little jealous.”

“James IS very pretty.”

His smile grows as he kisses your forehead.

“Naw, honey. I mean he is very beautiful but not as beautiful as you.”

The boy’s lips feverishly crash to yours as he twists his torso to give himself better access to your

mouth.

“Carter.”, you moan.

“Y/N.”, he answers in your ear that’s furthest from the mic.

Your eyes shoot open as you realize what’s happening and no one is in character anymore. Pushing at his chest, he sees the slight regret in your eyes as he tries to regain his composure.

“I think I heard something.”, you point absently off camera. Throwing off the blanket, he grabs his weapon before you quickly grab his arm. “Be careful…please. I-I-I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

His eyes soften as he leans in and give you a small peck on the lips.

“Don’t worry, honey. I’ll be ok. I promise.”

############

“Geez.”, Ryan laughed as you tore at his pants in the back seat of his car. “What’s got you all hot and bothered?”

“I just…missed you.”

Your boyfriend’s grin grows as he takes hold of your lower back and flips you around till he’s on top of you yanking down your pants. As he kisses your neck and rubs his cock along the cotton blocking your core, your mind begins to wonder.

Steve’s lips tasted amazing. I wonder what Eddie tastes like. Feeling them groan in my ear…fucking hell…

As Ryan’s length entered your sex, you suddenly felt underwhelmed.

They both felt so big even through their pants. I wonder what they would feel like inside of me…together…moaning like they had…

“Fuck, babe.” His body shook as he thrust his seed inside of you a bit too aggressively as you laid there unsatisfied. “God that was… did you…?”

Nodding your head, he beamed down at you as he kissed your forehead before reaching for a napkin on the floor of his car. When he handed it to you, you held it without moving as a disgusted look painted your face.

“I have to get back to work. You should go home and take a shower. You smell like sweat and that asshole rocker’s cigarettes.”

With that, he exited his vehicle and walked back inside.

Shaking your head, you ambled over to your own car and reached into your glove compartment for some of the tissues you stored there. You sat in the driver’s seat for a while staring off into space feeling slightly dirty and used.

You may have initiated the contact but lately Ryan hadn’t been satisfying you and the way he was after didn’t make you feel any better.

Abruptly, you slammed your door and started the engine, driving off into what you thought was no particular direction.

#############

“Hi, um, I’m sorry. I must be at the wrong—”

“Are you looking for Steven?”, the girl interrupted sassily. “Yeah you’re in the right place but don’t expect anything from either of these assholes.”

“Carol, why are you answering my door? I told you, please, get out.”

Steve’s eyes met yours as fear flashed through them.

“All yours, babe.”

As she stomped past you, the boy took her place in the doorway of the apartment.

“I’m sorry. I should just go.”

“No! Wait, no!”, he yelled panicked as he reached for your arm. “Please, come in. She was just…that’s the girl I had my date with who was rude, remember? She came over because…I didn’t call her? I don’t know.”, he shrugs.

Stepping into their shared space, you were surprised by how modest it was. With how much money they made together, you would have expected them in a penthouse or a mansion.

“Is the pterodactyl gone?”, Eddie asks as he exits his room pausing when he sees you. “Shit. Hey, Y/N. Are you alright? You look frazzled.”

“Why pterodactyl?”, you ask with a small smirk as you feel both their eyes intensely scanning you over.

“She, uh, came in here like a bat out of hell screeching. Raaaaaaaw!”, he mimics as he spreads his arms like wings, smiling when you laugh. “See? I’m an actor.”

“What’s going on, honey? I thought you were spending some time with Ryan.”, Steve inquires as he leans over the back of their couch.

“I was! I did… we, um, spent some time together… in his backseat…”

“And then he just sent you home?”

“Yeah, well, not right away. First he came in like 3 seconds and I learned that my boyfriend who I’ve been sleeping with for 4 months has no idea what a woman orgasming feels like because he asked me if I did and when I told him yes he got super excited. Then he proceeded to hand me a dirty napkin from his floor to clean myself with and then promptly told me I should go home and shower because I smell gross like sweat and your cigarettes Eddie.”

“Honestly, I’m surprised he even fucking noticed because I was barely even present during the whole experience because I was too busy imagining you two and what you would feel like inside me! Now I feel like a whore, used, and disgusting and I didn’t know where else to go so I just started driving and somehow ended up here and—”

Steve pulling you into his arms and pressing your face into his chest cut you off as you cried.

“Hey, Munson, is your shower actually clean?”

“I’m always on tour, Harrington, so what do you think?”

“No then?” Both boys smile when you giggle against him. “That’s ok. We can use mine. Come on, pretty girl.”

Eddie trails after you both as Steve guides you into his room and towards the bathroom. Opening the door to his standing shower, you marvel at how big it actually is.

“Wow. This is very nice.”

“Thank you.”, he smiles as he sticks his palm under the water to make sure it its warm. As the steam starts to rise, he gestures inside. “All for you, honey.”

“Just me?”, you whisper as your gaze shifts between them.

“What would make you comfortable, Y/N?”, Eddie asks as he steps closer to your side.

Swallowing nervously, you close your eyes as you lift off your shirt and toss it to the side before unbuttoning your jeans to do the same.

A tap on your shoulder causes you to open them again meeting the metalhead’s chocolate irises as he tries not to glance down your body.

“You have to say it, sweetheart. If you don’t want this or anything at all that’s absolutely fine. If you want us to even just sit out here while you’re in there or just to stand in there with you…”

“Or if you want us to do some of those things you were imagining us doing when you were with Ryan…you have to say it.”, Steve adds.

Nodding silently, you remove your bra and slide down your panties, their gazes never leaving your face.

“I want you two to shower with me and take care of me.”

Softly smiling, the remove their clothes and you provide them the same courtesy they did you, keeping your eyes forward. After guiding you in first, they follow behind and you let out a deep sigh as the water hits your hair.

“You’re so beautiful, Y/N. I know I’ve always jokingly flirted with you but I do think you are gorgeous.”, Eddie admits making you smile as you wrap your arms around his neck.

“Can I kiss you?”

As soon as you get permission your lips connect to his, reveling in the taste of cigarettes that Ryan seemed to have so much disdain for mixed with mint and a hint of alcohol. While his fingers tangled in your hair to pull you closer, Steve’s hands behind you roamed everywhere, down your arms, along your stomach, and up to your breasts.

The metalhead tenderly kissed your jawline, trailing the valley of your chest. Almost as if offering him a taste, the boy behind you cupped the bottom of you breast as Eddie wrapped his lips around the bud eliciting a soft moan from you.

“Eddie.”

“Does that feel good, honey?”, Steve murmured in your ear as you leaned your head against his shoulder.

“Yes. S-So good.”

Descending to his knees, Eddie turned you to face the other man, opening your legs a bit wider and you mewled when his long tongue flicked your entrance.

“How do you feel now, Y/N?”

“Fuck.” Your response makes Steve chuckle as he grabs your cheeks and brings your lips to his. “Can I…touch you…please…”, you ask between each kiss.

“Baby, you can touch us as much as you want as long as you’re comfortable.”

As soon as your small hand takes hold of his cock he groans as his forehead falls on yours, panting against your mouth as you stroke him.

“Shit. We’ve been thinking about you all afternoon. How you would feel and what you would sound like.”

Your head leans against his chest as Eddie’s tongue moves faster inside of you. Abruptly your knees buckle but the metalhead is faster than his friend as he catches you and leans your back against his chest. Looping his arm around your front, he thrusts his two of his fingers into your cunt while you cling to his wrist.

“That good, baby girl? Good, you deserve it. You’re not a whore, sweetheart, and you’re definitely not disgusting. Cum for me, Y/N.” Turning your head, you passionately kiss him as you come undone. “Fuck, your pussy is so tight when you cum. Are you kidding me?”

“M-More. I want more. Please.”

Steve lifts you up just enough to place your back on the tile as he climbs on top of you and you promptly circle your legs around his waist.

“This ok? The tile isn’t cold, right?” Shaking your head, you lean up to kiss him, grinding your lower half against his desperately. “Are you… on—fuck—can I cum inside you?”

“Please.”

He licks his lips at the word as his cock twitches against you. Reaching between your bodies, he grips his base and as you tilt up to look you moan at how big he seems even in his own large hand.

“Go slow at first. I’ve…I’ve never had someone as big as you two.”

“Shit, honey, you can’t say stuff like that.”, Steve breathily laughs as his head hangs, his damp hair tickling your face a bit. “Okay…okay, I can do that.”

Feeling extra warmth by your side, you turn to see Eddie laying on his side as he flashes you a soft smile. Biting his own lip, he watches as your face contorts and your back arches as the boy on top of you starts pushing into your core.

“It’s ok, princess. You’re ok.”

Steve’s head fell next to your opposite side and your pussy couldn’t help but clench at the sound of his whimpers in your ear. His hand suddenly smacks the floor beside you as his arm bent at the elbow. The action startled you but made his friend laugh.

“That hard, Harrington?” Your eyes meet his in confusion as he beamed down at you. “He’s trying to control himself from not just pounding into you. Your little pussy is driving him crazy.”

This confused you even more since every man you had been with never had the reaction Steve was having now. Even Ryan made it seem like you and your body were nothing special.

“Hey, hey come back, Y/N.”, Eddie cooed as he caressed your cheek with his finger.

That caused Steve to push up on his arms to look down at your face.

“Are you ok? I’m not h-hurting you or anything right?”

“No, you’re not. No one…no one has ever…made me feel like…BEING with me is anything special.”

They knew what you meant and it broke their hearts as the man inside you kissed your forehead before placing his head back where it had been by your ear.

“I’m sorry, baby. You deserve so much better then that. Your pussy should be worshipped. Fuck me. I swear, Y/N, I’ve never had anyone as tight as you. I could fucking live inside you. God… I knew it when you kissed me. You’re definitely fucking special.”

When he was fully sheathed inside you, your hands clung to his shoulders while he waited patiently for you to tell him he could move.

Your hips tested the waters as you rolled them upwards making you both moan as your eyes rolled back.

“P-Please, Steve.” Tilting up a bit, he placed his nose against yours as he slowly thrust into your body. “Fuck, I can feel you in my stomach.”

His mouth fell open as his pants warmed your face even more than the shower steam around you. As your nails scratched down his back, his pace quickened, hitting that spongy spot inside of you repeatedly as you whimpered at the feeling.

“Steve. Harder, baby.”

Pushing up onto his knees, the man gripped your thighs for leverage as he honored your request.

“Like that, Y/N? Is he about to make you cum?”, Eddie murmured in your ear as his palm held your face. “Cum, Y/N. Let him feel what I did. Trust us, sweetheart, we know exactly what a beautiful woman coming feels like.”

Arching your back high off the tile beneath you, your vision was blinded by white as you came.

“Jesus.”, Steve growled through gritted teeth as he chased his own release.

Your lips mingled with Eddie’s as the other man leaned forward to massage your tits in his large palms before hearing him grunt above you as pumped his spend into your cunt.

After carefully pulling out of you, both men trailed kisses to your neck, tenderly sucking and nibbling at your sweet spots as your body continued to tingle with need.

“Eddie…please…”

“You don’t have to take me tonight, princess. Tonight is about you.”

“I want you.”

“Fuck me. Say that again.”

“I want you, Eddie. I need you.”

Once Steve was out of the way, the metalhead guided you around until your back was to his chest again with you both laying on your sides. On impulse, you lifted your leg and without missing a beat, he held it in place with his palm firmly gripping your thigh.

Grinding his hips, his cock ran along your pussy lips as you moaned.

“I’ll go slow too at first, ok?”

After you nod, he releases his hold on you only long enough to maneuver his length into your heat.

“Oh my god.”, you whine as your head falls into the nook of his other arm.

“I know. I know, baby. You’re—mmm—you’re doing so well. Tight little pussy is stretching out perfectly for me. Fuck.”

“Fuck me, Eddie. I-I can take it.”

Smiling, his fingers grabbed your jaw, turning you to face him so his forehead could lean on yours.

“You can take it? Are you sure?” As if to test you, he slammed his waist hard into yours hitting your now overly sensitive and abused g-spot making you whimper against his lips.

“Yeeees, baby, just like that.”

“You want it hard like that, sweetheart? Fuck, you are so fucking beautiful like this.”

While Steve did talk a bit while he was inside you, Eddie couldn’t seem to stop, whispering praises and compliments against your skin as he thrust into you. You definitely didn’t mind, wishing you could focus on anything but the pleasure to do the same.

“Stay with me, pretty girl. I need to feel you cum again and squeeze my dick.”

“Eddie…I…feels…good…”

Grinning again, he tenderly kissed your lips.

“Are you trying t-to praise me? Aw, poor baby can’t focus on words?” When you whined and nodded, his smiled grew. “Good. It’s ok, Y/N. Just focus on my cock right now. I want you to cum for me.”

Picking up his pace, you circle your arm behind you around his neck clinging to his hair till you felt your body tremble as the coil in your stomach snapped.

“God damnit! Atta girl. Feels so fucking good.”

While your pussy quivered around him, he pumped into you till you felt him warm your insides as you milked him dry.

After pulling out, the three of you laid on the floor of the shower on your back trying to catch your breathes.

“I can’t tell if I’m steamy or sweaty.”

You smirked as they both laughed at your statement.

“Either way, you smell good. Hang on.” Closing your eyes, you listened to Steve move around before jumping when you feel a washcloth between your legs. “Sorry! Sorry. I should have warned you. I’m just cleaning you.”

“I hope its ok it’s not a dirty napkin.”, Eddie sassed making you giggle as you reach over to lightly punch his arm. “You deserve better than him, Y/N.”

“You really ARE special. I hope you know that.”, Steve added. “And not just your body.”

You don’t say anything as they turn off the water and lead you back to the bedroom to dry you.

“Do you want your clothes or I can give you one of my shirts. According to Ryan, your stuff smells like smoke so I don’t see what difference a new shirt would make.”

“Oh. Um…I can just…wear my clothes…”, you pout as you hang your head.

As your about to turn to take the garments from Eddie’s hands, the other boy grabs your wrist as he takes a seat on his bed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“No, hey, no. Not nothing. What’s running through your mind?”

Unlike with your boyfriend, when your eyes shift between theirs you don’t see annoyance but empathy. They genuinely want to make sure you’re alright.

“Do you want me to go?”

You question surprises them as they exchange a glance.

“No. God no.”, the metalhead answers as he sits on the bed as well. “Y/N, we just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. If you want to go you’re more than welcome but we’d rather you stay.”

“We don’t want you to feel how you felt when you came in here.”, Steve adds.

“I don’t feel like that. I wouldn’t feel like that if I left right now either.” They softly smile your way as they nod. “I don’t want to leave though. Not yet.”

“Aaaaare you hungry? We were going to order some food before Harrington’s ex-girlfriend flew in wreaking havoc.”

“Oh my god. Ok, we went on ONE date! One!”

“Can we get food from the restaurant you took her to. I really want to see if your restaurant choices do suck.”, you giggle as he rolls his eyes.

“I hate you both.”, Steve teases as he gets up and heads for the phone.

Eddie helps you into one of his shirts and his friend’s shorts he found nearby.

“Comfy? Good. See, princess, you’re adventurous.”, he winks as he grabs your palm in his before looking down at how they fit together. “Did you like it? Being with two people?”

With your free hand, you tilt his chin and kiss his lips.

“I liked being with you two.”

Steddie Asks

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ashleyhuh · 4 months

Text

How depressing the "good ol' bad times" really were and hints at something more sinister with Mrs. Graves

The lemon muffin flashback that Ashley witnesses really gives us a glimpse into their childhood and how poorly they were treated by their parents especially Ashley. The flashback brings us back to before Nina's death and really show how absolutely fucked Ashley's position was in life at that time. Staring depressingly at a birthday card and asking Andrew why mom can never afford anything when her birthday comes around despite clear signs the family can afford Andrew a birthday.

Another small hint as well to how deep this favoritism runs is when Andrew talks about his allowance. It's clear to us that Ashley doesn't have an allowance despite Andrew having and while they are 2 years apart I don't think that can fully explain Ashley's lack of it as well. Mrs. Graves clearly sees Ashley as not worthy of an allowance and therefore doesn't deserve one.

One thing that I really appreciate in this scene is Andrew's willingness to help cheer up his sister and to make her birthday at least a little less depressing. Ashley's "friends" never making time for her as well really cemented in her brain how much she needs Andrew as he was the only one that would even consider doing what he did for her. Ashley at the end of the flashback telling Andrew she wishes Andrew lost all of his friends and never found love wasn't some sort of manipulative tactic, but both a subconscious cry for help and her wishes to be with the only person that cares about her forever.

This whole sequence really puts into perspective Ashley's mindset and how harshly it was shaped from childhood. From an early age she was taught that nobody cares about her except her brother which is why she is so attached to him and willing to do anything to keep him around.

Part of this too gives us small hints to how also she became such a "problem child" to Mrs. Graves. Ashley, due to her neglect, probably wasn't punished ever, just ostracized and yelled at by her mom. Speaking from personal experience from my own childhood usually when a parent doesn't want to deal with a "problem child" they usually resort to tactics like making the older sibling pacify them instead not matter what the other was doing. However did Ashley ever really think of what she did wrong if her reward was getting time with Andrew? Of course not, however depressive thoughts can really be seen to manifest when she is alone as she doesn't have her Andy to help distract her from how isolated and hated she feels. This only rewarded her behavior and let other thoughts begin to take shape like how she dealt with Nina. A child doesn't just suddenly think to use someone's death as leverage to control another. It's learned. Thoughts like that spawn from maternal trauma and the action of "locking someone away until they learn to behave." is a natural extension of ostracization with how isolated Ashley felt, it's natural to start developing and agreeing with those feelings as natural progression to be with the one she loves most. Forever.

#the coffin of andy and leyley #tcoaal #gravecest #coffincest #andrew x ashley #coffinshipping #tcoaal essay #andrew graves #ashley graves

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stabbydragon · 3 months

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Everyone's head canons are valid, but personally I don't think that Aziraphale and Crowley will stay friends with Anathema, Newt, the Them, Nina, Maggie, etc. They're immortal and human lifetimes are a tiny fraction of what they've already lived through.

I think that after they both got too attached to some mortals millennia ago (authors for Aziraphale and scientists and philosophers for Crowley) they both individually decided to never get too close to specific humans. If it was another angel or demon (like Muriel) they would have no qualms with it, but most of the other immortals they know besides each other are shit so they have limited options.

This is why Crowley puts so much distance between himself and, say, his plants, and why Azi gets attached to places (the bookshop, Maggie's record shop) and communities (queer people) instead of individuals.

I can, however imagine Adam tracking them down some decades later to ask about why he isn't aging. They help him figure out that he's immortal and work through the psychological effects of that realization.

Once everyone he knew dies and he has nobody left to turn to, Aziraphale and Crowley basically adopt him and he moves in with them and becomes Muriel's younger brother. The four of them become a weird little family, and maybe they adopt an immortal duck or something.

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matchamilkislover · 4 months

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White Horse, 1. (a.a.)

pairing: knight!abby x princess!reader

cw: fantasy!au, fem!reader, eventual displays of fighting and violence bc it’s fantasy, kind of slow burn?, tension, reader has an attitude, tall af!abby bc size difference, royalty!au, mentions of arranged marriages, some mentions of au politics, abby in armor is a warning in itself

synopsis: you are the youngest princess of the royal family that rules over your kingdom, Aphrynia. now a young adult, you’ve come of age in a tense time, and your personal protection is of utmost importance — which is why the resignation of your previous personal knight means a rushed reassignment ceremony with little to no preface. That being said, why does the name of your new knight sound so familiar?

word count: 2.8k

a/n: this is gonna be so trope-heavy and romantic and cheesy and i don’t even care i’ve been giggling and kicking my feet this whole time

⊹ ⋆｡˚ ————————— 𓆩♡𓆪 —————————⊹ ⋆｡˚

“Princess, you really do need to get up.”

You groaned, rolling over in your excessively comfortable bed as your lady’s maid, Nina, started forcefully pulling the many blankets you had covering you off. Your proper mind knew that she was right, that you needed to get ready, but the pounding in your head begged otherwise; and right now, the pounding side was winning. You tried to sit up and open your eyes, but the bright sunlight instantly blinded you, causing you to groan and fall back again. Nina sighed.

“Either you get up, or I’m calling George and he can drag you out himself.”

That made you sit up. You’d had enough of your second eldest brother ripping you out of bed throughout your childhood to last a lifetime. Your legs already felt a phantom soreness at just the thought.

“Okay, okay, I surrender, I’m up…” you grumbled, swinging your legs over the edge of the mattress and tenderly standing on the cold floor. Nina rolled her eyes as she started gathering materials for you to bathe.

“I told you to ease up on the wine last night,” she scolded as you started shedding your nightclothes and trudged to your washroom.

You rolled your eyes in response and yawned. “Don’t judge me! You would let loose a little too if you knew it was your last night before getting assigned another overbearing knight,” you replied dramatically. These were the times that you both loved and resented that you and Nina had known each other since childhood; sometimes she knew you a little too well. Nina just chuckled and followed you.

A while later, you were clean and dry. And cold. You shivered as Nina helped you slip layer after layer of your intricate clothing on your body. “Why is it so frigid in here this morning? I can literally hear the fire going,” you whined as another shiver made your arms shake. Nina shrugged as she picked up another layer.

“The mornings have been getting colder lately,” Nina remarked thoughtfully. “Perhaps an off the shoulder dress wasn’t the best decision the seamstress could’ve made for today’s gown.” She grimaced as she eyed the off the shoulder masterpiece waiting to be adorned.

Your pout spoke for you. Even so, you had to admit the gown was rather lovely. The gauzy pink seemed to shimmer in the light, and you couldn’t help but stare at it in the mirror once you had finally put it on. Nina, however, still anxiously watched the time and rushed to finish getting you ready.

For whatever reason, one you weren’t exactly keen on understanding, being assigned a personal knight was something of a ceremony in the royal family, and was therefore to be treated as such. And ever since your former knight, Mattheo, had resigned not even a fortnight ago to wed and begin a life outside of his knighthood, you had been assigned a rotation of lower knights while a replacement was decided on. While you couldn’t blame Mattheo for wanting to have a different life and a family, you couldn’t help but resent his leaving just a little bit; he had been your personal knight since you were young, and you had grown to trust him like an uncle or a father. Whatever young, overconfident knight you would be assigned now would not be nearly as tolerable, of that you were certain.

Nina’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts and reawakened the pounding in your head. “Princess? Princess, we’ve got to go,” she harped, placing a guiding hand on your back. “Wouldn’t want to keep everyone waiting.” You nodded in agreement and started walking, trying your best to hide the grimace pulling at your face.

You could barely keep up with Nina’s quick steps as you navigated the corridors of the palace, your shoes clicking on the polished stone floors. “Nina,” you muttered through panting breaths, “You know you can slow down a little bit, right? It really isn’t that serious,” you pointed out. Nina shook her head.

“Sorry, princess, but I’m under strict orders to get you there on time. Promised the queen,” she replied with a wink sent your way. Your mouth gaped while your brows furrowed.

“Seriously? For a knight assignment? The fuck…” you muttered back, still grumpy from your hangover and unending headache. Nina clicked her tongue at you in disapproval.

“Princess! Language!” she scolded, holding back a giggle and not quite managing to suppress a tickled smile. You made an amused face in response and you both had to struggle to hold down your laughs as you passed knights and members of the court in the long corridors.

As you finally turned onto the corridor leading to the throne room, Nina cleared her throat to get your attention. “Please try your best not to seem hungover, princess,” she muttered through clenched teeth, “lest the queen come for my head.” You both stifled one last giggle before the doors to the throne room opened, and your arrival was announced to the small crowd standing inside.

You took a steadying breath, blanking your face as you delicately walked forward, desperately hiding your fight not to wobble in these godforsaken shoes. You kept your gaze steady on the front of the room, not wanting to risk an offhand glance at the crowd interrupting your focus.

You breathed a quiet sigh of relief when you reached the front and stood in place amongst your siblings, ignoring George’s knowing smirk and Elyssa’s disapproving look. Like always, your eldest brother, Philip, stayed as stone-faced as ever, and Henry, the fourth sibling, gave his best attempt at matching Philip’s ever-serious mood. Although he was closest to you in age, only being 18 months older, the two of you couldn’t be more different. He never seemed to possess the itch for mischief and adventure that you did, and instead followed your eldest brother like a puppy and tried to copy his every trait. You suppressed the urge to roll your eyes and turned towards the rest of the room.

Glancing at you to acknowledge your arrival, your parents rose as one, and your mother’s voice rang out in the spacious throne room. “Welcome, esteemed guests and friends, as we conduct our youngest daughter’s knight reassignment ceremony on this lovely morning. As many of us know, our youngest has quite the…lively spirit, and as she reaches marrying age, we’ve found it impertinent that we find a unique knight to ensure her safety amidst the happenings of that lively spirit.” A soft chuckle carried through the room, and you had to suppress another eye roll as your mother – the “ever-esteemed” queen – basically called you a burden who needed watching. Great. Exactly what you needed this morning.

Your mother continued her speech. “While the knight we’ve chosen for her assignment may not have the age to match her rank, her experience and accomplishments make her quite the perfect match to guard our lovely daughter. Thus, Knight Anderson, will you please approach?”

Your mind came to a sudden stop. ‘Her’? Your new knight was to be a female knight? Well that certainly makes things more interesting. And her name…Anderson. It sounded oddly familiar, but you couldn’t put your finger on it. A young female knight, a respected, high-ranking one at that, was to be Mattheo’s replacement? Certainly she wouldn’t be quite as easy to slip past. But you had gotten creative over the years…

Your racing thoughts mixed with your eyes searching the crowd for this ‘Knight Anderson’, but came to a sudden halt when the knight finally stepped through to the front of the crowd, and the sight of her left your mouth hanging ever so slightly ajar. Although it had certainly matured since the last time you saw her, you would recognize that face anywhere.

9 YEARS AGO

Abigail Anderson was going to be the death of you. No matter where you went, she was somehow there, ready to show off and drive you up the fucking wall. Since her father was the royal family’s physician and a childhood friend of your father, and the two of you were so close in age, the two of you had been shoved together since you could read, and you couldn’t resent it more. She never failed to take an opportunity to prove herself against you; whether it was her intelligence in tutoring sessions, or showing off her strength and size outdoors while exploring or riding, if the chance was there, she took it.

You were both twelve, and while you were able to spend more time apart, tutoring and riding lessons were still spent together. You had started spending your free time with the daughters of the court members, while Abby spent her time training for knighthood or whatever it was that motivated her to sweat in a dirty training ground for hours a day. It wasn’t like you paid it too much regard; you were perfectly happy spending tea with your friends that you could actually relate to before retreating to the palace library to spend afternoons reading and exploring different worlds.

On one sunny spring day, Abby had shown up late to your joint riding lesson, and you were already annoyed since George had ruined your favorite riding boots by dropping them in a boiling, soapy wash basin while the maids weren’t looking, only for them to be found hours later and sorrowfully returned to your chambers. The twat. So when she came jogging up to the stables, your glare was already set upon her, and she preemptively rolled her eyes.

“I know, I know, training went over,” she retorted to your glare in an annoyed voice, raising her hands apologetically at your instructor.

You continued glaring as she saddled her horse and mounted the steed, flipping her braid behind her shoulder. Sensing the tension and not wanting to be a part of it, the instructor casually instructed the two of you to take a simple ride through the naturalistic grounds surrounding the palace during your normal lesson time. You nodded curtly and took off in a simple trot, Abby quickly following and settling into a matching trot beside you.

“Heard about what happened to your boots,” she remarked casually, not even glancing your way. But you knew what she was doing, and you already weren’t in the mood for it. She kept pushing anyway.

“What a waste,” she continued, clicking her tongue. “You poor thing, how will you ever survive?” You could feel her smirk without looking. Trying to be the bigger person, you only sighed and kept ignoring her.

She laughed. “What, don’t want to admit that you’re upset over a pair of boots? It’s okay, you are a princess, after all.” Even though she was right, it wasn’t like you wanted to admit it to Abby, of all people. You really liked those boots! Princess or not, you were allowed to be upset about it! You could say that, but it’s not like Abby would care. She’d just keep teasing you about the boots, or poking you about some other stupid thing that was sure to push your buttons. So you kept your head straight forward and kept riding. She wasn’t satisfied.

“Too good to talk to me now, are you? You’d rather be at a prissy tea party with your prissy friends?” she said, mocking a posh accent and expression as she spoke. And you just snapped.

“You know what Abby, just because you don’t like me or think I’m shallow or spoiled for whatever reason, that doesn’t mean you have to go after my friends too! You don’t even know them! You know, I don’t think you even know me like you think you do, so why don’t you just shut up already,” you exploded, taking off on your horse like a bullet and leaving Abby shouting after you in the dust. You heard her call your name after you a few times, but you ignored her, clenching your teeth as your resolve hardened and you quickened your pace even more.

By the time Abby started galloping after you, you were too far ahead to hear her. You just kept riding and riding, not stopping until you reached the creek that bubbled along one of the far edges of the palace grounds. Hopping off your horse, you gently smoothed the mare’s chestnut hair as you watched the clear water run up and over the rocks in the creek. Remembering what Abby had said, you clenched your other fist and loudly groaned in frustration, holding back the urge to go as far as to stomp on the ground.

You took a deep breath to steel yourself as you heard hooves approaching quickly from behind you. Abby called your name again, but you barely even turned your head, fist still clenched. She scoffed and dismounted, walking up to you casually.

“You know you can’t ride off like that,” she remarked. You continued to ignore her. “C’mon, you know I didn’t mean it like that,” she continued, leaning to try to get in your line of sight.

You only scoffed in reply and turned away, speed walking along the creek bed. Abby kept following you, reaching out to grab your arm once she was close enough. You gasped angrily and whipped around, hair slinging from side to side. You tried to pull away, but her grip was tight. And you panicked. No one had ever grabbed you like that, and you were so shocked, you couldn’t help but go into panic mode.

“Will you– let go– get your hands OFF of me–” you shrieked, starting to flail and struggle in her grasp. Abby also began to panic in response to you, and before you knew it, you were slipping on the creek bed, and the two of you tumbled into the creek, a tangle of limbs and shocked exclamations as you fell into the surprisingly icy water.

As soon as you hit the water, you gasped, inhaling water instead of air and immediately choking. You floundered, desperately coughing and trying to eject the water from your lungs. Finally, your flailing arms found a large rock to land on, and you started pulling yourself out of the water. At the same time, you could hear Abby climbing the water as well, and you got distracted, your hand slipping as you crashed back down into the creek. Another breath of water infiltrated your mouth and throat, and you continued to choke and cough, unable to gain enough footing to grab back onto the rock. Finally, a pair of stronger arms latched onto your own, stopping your flailing to pull you out of the water and onto the creek bed.

Flopping onto the ground, you coughed out the remaining water from your lungs until you could finally take clear breaths, anger returning with the consistent oxygen. You shot up suddenly, cutting Abby off as she opened her mouth to ask if you were okay. “You are despicable, Abby Anderson! Despicable!” You shouted as you pushed hair out of your face and straightened your soaking clothes. “I am leaving. You need to give me time to return my horse and escort myself inside, lest I see your despicable face and decide to strangle you once and for all!” You continued as you mounted your horse, giving her one last dirty look before riding off as fast as you could.

It wasn’t until the next morning when Abby wasn’t present at your lessons that you discovered that she had left for official training. And no matter how angry you were at her, you couldn’t help but be at least a bit disappointed that she hadn’t said goodbye.

THE PRESENT

Your mother’s voice was all but muted background in your head as you watched Abby – apparently now known as ‘Knight Anderson’ – approach you and your family at the front of the throne room. A lump settled in your throat, and your mouth felt impossibly dry watching her armored form get closer and closer. You barely registered your mother reciting practiced phrases as Abby knelt in front of her and bowed her head towards the queen. It was like you were outside your body, watching everything happen, only an observer as Abby stood and she and your mother approached you. You were sucked back into your body as Abby knelt in front of you, taking one of your polished hands in hers and bowing her head towards it.

“Knight Abigail Anderson,” your mother began, her voice confident and steady in contrast to the nerves that rocked your body, leaving you lightheaded. “Do you solemnly vow to dedicate your life to the protection and safety of the princess?” Abby looked up at you through her lashes, and you felt like you could faint.

“I do.”

#abby anderson #knight!abby x princess!reader #knight x princess #abby x reader #abby tlou #abby fic #fantasy!au #royalty!au #princess!au #knight!au #wlw #lesbian knight #lesbian princess #matchamilkislover

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jimmy-johns-was-taken · 9 months

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Creepypasta Love-Language

Request : Open!

Characters : Jeff the Killer, BEN Drowned, Eyeless Jack, “Ticci” Toby, Tim/Masky, Brian/Hoodie, Jane the Killer, Nina the killer

Notes : SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG I GOT CARRIED AWAY! Anyways thank you for reading, hope you have a lovely day !

Jeff the Killer :

Now hear me out, but Acts of Service. JUST LISTEN OK! My idea of Jeff isn’t a crazy touchy person, just not his thing. However, he deeply appreciates you doing small things for him. Cleaning his wounds and getting the stains out of his clothes. His favorite is when you make dinner, but put his portion in the fridge for him to heat up when he gets home. When he does arrive, your asleep on the couch with a note telling him dinner is in the fridge. In return, he does small things for you, such as not getting blood everywhere and helping pay bills (he steals money from victims)

BEN Drowned :

Quality time. Anytime with him is meaningful. Just sitting on his bed, cuddling and playing videogames. Sitting at the island in your kitchen while you make a frozen pizza for dinner, just cutting up and enjoying each others presence. Anytime he can get with you is perfect, he doesn’t care what your doing. He also loves to talk to you, listen to him rant about all his favorite interest and he’s fallen head over heals for you

Eyeless Jack :

Oddly enough, but physical touch. If EJ is letting you touch him, he trust you A LOT! He adores cuddling, especially on rainy days where he can’t go out and do stuff. Just sitting in bed, maybe scrolling through your phone, and listening to the rain with his arms wrapped around you. He also does small things in public to make others aware that your his. His hand on your back, arm around your shoulder, something small but noticeable. Like many of the other pastas, he would fight anyone for you

“Ticci” Toby :

Gifting Giving, both giving and receiving. They absolutely love it whenever you give them something, even if it’s super small. In return, Toby will bring you anything they think you’ll like, or anything that reminds them of you. It’s their way of showing that they think of you, that your always on their mind.

Tim / Masky :

Acts of Service, hands down. Tim especially loves it whenever he comes home and there’s a nice hot meal cooking or laying out on the dining room. His laundry is randomly washed, the bed is made, anything small that he doesn’t have to do. In return, Tim does whatever he can do to help you around the house. Any kind of chores, yard work, anything at all, just say it and it’s done.

Brian / Hoodie :

Physical touch. My idea of Brian is a very touchy person, very touchy. Anytime he can get his hands on you, he will. Pulling you closer in a room full of people, holding your hands and dragging you across the house, anything to do with touching. He also enjoys the touch! Randomly hugging him from behind, kisses, anything.

Jane the Killer :

In all honesty, I think it would be gift giving. I could see Jane having a lot of them, just like a few other pastas, but Jane adores giving you gifts. Need more nail polish? You’ve got it. In need of a new painting for your wall? Get in the car, your going home decor shopping. Jane just loves to spoil you and she loves to see the smile on your face anytime you receive a new gift. Jane loves anything you do, from physical touch to acts of service!!

Nina the Killer :

Another gift giver! Nina, similar to Jane, loves any and all kind of affection, they eat it up. But Nina herself loves to give you small things. They will come home one afternoon, more bubbly than normal, then pull out a small rock and smile brightly. She picked it up cuz it reminded her of you!! Duh!!! She doesn’t go crazy with the money thing, unless she sees something she knows you’ll love, but it’s mostly small trinkets and such.

#creepypasta #creepypasta headcanon #ticci toby #ben drowned #eyeless jack #jane the killer #jeff the killer #nina the killer #ben drowned headcanons #eyeless jack headcanon #creepypasta x y/n #creepypasta x reader

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peakyswritings · 6 months

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Heart, Body and Soul || Tommy Shelby x OC

PART V

Summary: As they get closer, Tommy and Nina start to realise that their time together is limited. However, an unexpected event makes the tables turn.

Warnings: mentions of arranged marriage, slow-burn, small age-gap (Tommy’s 30, Nina is in her early 20s), time-typical misogyny, mentions of war, mentions of mutilation, this chapter contains triggering themes, such as sexual assault and violence. Read at your own risk.

A/N: I hope this is worth the wait! Useful information: in the first part of this chapter Nina is 17. She’s depicted as naive, maybe a bit too much for a seventeen-year-old, but bear in mind that she grew up in an extremely conservative environment. Also, I wrote all the dialogues in English because it would’ve been too much of a mess to switch between the languages, so keep in mind that whilst the dialogues between Nina and Agnese could be in both languages since they’re bilingual, the ones between Nina and Stefano are technically in Italian. Last, some things from the previous chapters are really important for this one. I do not claim any ownership to the dialogues excerpts taken from the show. English is not my first language.

After this way too long note, I hope you enjoy this chapter☀️

PREVIOUS PART

SERIES MASTERLIST

Gif credit

Dividers credit

1915, five years earlier

“They say Italy might join the war soon.”

It was the first time Nina voiced her concerns. She always had the feeling that if she expressed what was troubling her out loud, it would inevitably, irrevocably become true. But she had been bottling up that fear of hers for weeks now, and it had been growing and growing, consuming her from the inside. The weight of the basket she was carrying was nothing compared to the weight of uncertainty, of not knowing what to expect.

“They say that at your school?” Agnese asked absentmindedly, looking in the windows of the small bakery they always used to stop by when they were children, because they knew the owner would give them freshly baked biscuits for free.

“They say that everywhere,” Nina murmured, kicking a stone with her foot.

Agnese had heard about that possibility, and it scared her as well, but she didn’t fully understand the extent of the seriousness of the situation. No one ever bothered to explain it to her, and every time she asked questions about it, her family would just brush it off. She shouldn’t trouble herself with such nonsense, they said. And although she could ask Nina, she never found the courage to do it, far too ashamed of her own ignorance. Her cousin knew lots of things, talked about serious matters, had opinions that contrasted with everything they had ever been taught, and most of the times Agnese had troubles following the things she said. But she said them with such conviction, such mastery that she couldn’t help but agree with her. And she suspected that the reason why no one ever listened to Nina was because they had troubles following her as well. There was something unsettling in her cleverness.

“I’m worried about my brothers,” Nina admitted. “They’re old enough to be enlisted.”

Agnese shifted her attention back on her cousin, sending her a sympathetic look. “Maybe we won’t enter the war. And even if we do, maybe they won’t have to go. Your father can find a way to-”

“They’re not cowards,” Nina interrupted her with resolution, shaking her head. “The Spinietta brothers are cowards. Pietro and Salvatore are not like them.”

“What do the Spiniettas have to do with it?”

“I heard my father say that if we join the war, Mr. Spinietta already knows who to talk to to make sure his kids are not enlisted. He’ll shake a few hands, make a few threats, and they will be safe and warm in their houses. He might even send them to America, they have relatives there.”

Truth was, Nina wished they’d be sent to America. She wanted them to be as far away as possible from her, from the village. They walked around as if they owned every street, every shop, every person; as if everything was owed to them, because they had money and power. But everybody knew where that money came from. And even though she was aware that her family wasn’t any different, that their own money was mostly blood money, she still believed that her brothers were better than them.

“They’re cowards. Cowards and bastards, that’s what they are,” she gritted her teeth.

“You can’t say things like that,” Agnese hissed with wide eyes, frantically looking around to make sure no one was there to hear her. “Lower your voice.”

“I’m just telling the truth. They’re bastards. Sick bastards. You’ve seen how they’ve dragged that poor girl in their car, last week.”

Nina watched as her cousin pressed her lips together, avoiding her gaze. The episode had left both of them with a bitter taste in their mouths, and a feeling of powerlessness that haunted them still. They didn’t know why they had done what they had done, what they would do to her, but somehow they knew it wouldn’t be anything good. Because despite the kind smiles they were wearing and the false gentleness with which they had guided her into the car, it was clear that they were forcing her. The two cousins heard some girls say that she wasn’t the first, and probably wouldn’t be the last, and that the reason why they targeted her was because she had no father nor brothers.

Everyday since that day, Nina cursed herself for not intervening. Would things have gone differently, if she had said something? Would she have been in trouble as well? What kind of trouble was that girl even in? She didn’t have the answers.

Now she carried a pocket knife with her. If they even tried to get close to her, or to another girl in her presence, she wouldn’t be afraid to use it.

“You still can’t say things like that.”

“It’s not like they can do anything,” Nina shrugged.

There was a delicate balance between the families, assured by mutual fear and by the possibility of a bloodbath that wouldn’t suit anyone. But even that wasn’t enough to guarantee peace, one wrong step was all it would take to disrupt that balance. It was like a bomb waiting to explode.

“I need to buy some thread for my mum,” Agnese changed the subject, stopping in front of a shop. “Wait for me here.”

As her cousin disappeared into the shop, Nina placed the heavy basked on the ground to clench and unclench her sore hand. She slightly rubbed the red marks which were appearing on her palm, wincing at the pulsating sensation. The rev of an engine came to her ears, and before her mind could register what was happening, a car stopped in front of her. Stefano Spinietta stuck his head out of the window and sent her a smile, showing a perfect set of white teeth. “You want a ride home?”

Nina frowned, trying to suppress the feeling of disgust that came over her at the mere sight of his face. “No.” She said firmly, the lump in her throat preventing her from saying anything else. She had always hated how nervous she was when he spoke to her, when he looked at her. He always looked at her as if he wanted something from her. What it was, she could not tell, but it made her feel incredibly uneasy. His handsome features and immaculate manners didn’t fool her.

“Don’t worry, I don’t bite,” he taunted her, getting out of the car. “Let me help you with that.” Stefano reached his hand towards the basket, but before he could take it, Nina pushed it away with her foot. A glimmer of amusement flashed through his eyes, lighting up his face.

Her hand went to her pocket, and she clutched the small knife tightly, the weapon giving her a new found sense of security. She looked right into his eyes, and spoke enunciating each word carefully. “I said no.”

“I just wanna take you home,” Stefano insisted, his stupid smile still plastered on his face. “C’mon, get in the car.” He took ahold of her arm, slightly squeezing it as if he wanted to reassure her.

A wave of uncontrollable rage coursed through Nina, and in a matter of seconds she had him pushed against his car, her blade grazing his throat. Surprise spread across his features as he looked down at her.

“Touch me again,” she said through gritted teeth, “and I’ll cut your throat.”

Silence fell between them as they glared at each other in an unspoken competition, both of them waiting for the other to cave in. Nina forced herself to keep her burning gaze on him, while every muscle in her body urged her to run away. Instead, she didn’t move, head high, hand steady. She wouldn’t bend. She couldn’t bend. Stefano slowly held his hands up in surrender, the shadow of a grin playing at the corners of his mouth. Under her confused look, he slightly leaned forward, causing the blade to pierce his skin, and a trickle of blood seeped from the small wound, red, thick. It ran all the way down to Nina’s hand, and its slimy texture almost made her flinch. Stefano, on the other hand, had regained his composure, as if he was the one in control of the situation, as if he didn’t have a knife pointed at his throat.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed out, staring at her with an indecipherable look in his eyes.

Nina hesitated for a moment, then, with a swift movement, she took a step back and placed the knife back in her pocket, suddenly aware that she had held her breath the whole time. Stefano sent her one last glance, before turning around and going back in his car without saying another word.

As he drove away, she glanced down at the crimson stain on her hand with wide eyes, her heart thumping in her chest. When Agnese walked out of the shop, unaware of what had just happened, she closed her shaking fingers in a fist, and hid her hand into her pocket.

“What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” her cousin chuckled, looping her arm though hers. “Let’s go home.”

Present day

“I swear to God, I swear to God…she gave me sixpence. She sends me to the shop for margarine, eggs and bread. When I came back…”

“With a top hat and a coconut,” Nina shook her head, a laugh escaping her lips.

“And that was all the money we had for the whole fucking week,” Tommy stopped to lit his cigarette, then he raised his eyebrows, a smirk growing on his face. “And me mum beat me with a fucking frying pan.”

“Why the hell did you buy a top hat and a coconut?”

“‘Cause I thought she deserved it. I thought we all did. And I could never understand,” he hit his hand on the table, a hint of some old anger creeping into his voice, “why people like us only had bread and fucking lard. And I wanted to be different. That’s what I wanted.” Silence fell between them as he took a drag from his cigarette, his gaze getting lost in old memories.

Their late-night chats had become a habit now. The night after the first one, for some reason, Nina went downstairs to make herself a cup of tea, and, for the same unknown reason, Tommy went into the kitchen with a dry throat. Just like every night since then. They stayed up late, sharing thoughts, doubts and memories, whispering them into the night and letting it take them away. Over the past week, Nina had come to realise that there was way more than Tommy let on behind his stoic facade, and she found herself wishing to know more. As for Tommy, he liked hearing her talk. She had something to say, and she wasn’t afraid to say it. It was refreshing, and a nice change from the hordes of people who repeated somebody else’s words like parrots, without fully understanding their meaning.

“And you are different, aren’t you?”

The depth of Nina’s eyes became too much to bear. For the first time, Tommy suddenly felt exposed. It was as if she was reading right into him, as if she had him completely figured out, as if every thought, every fear, every unspoken word was no longer a secret. It scared him.

He cleared his throat, stomping out his cigarette. “I heard your brothers also fought in the war.”

“Yes,” she nodded. “They were at Caporetto.”

Pietro and Salvatore still bore the marks of that defeat, both physical and mental. Pietro, the older one, had almost lost an arm in combat, and even though two years had passed, sometimes it still hurt. But in exchange for the arm, the war took something else away from him. There seemed to be nothing left of his once caring nature, and his innate attention for details had turned into a urge to have everything under control. As for Salvatore, the war had enhanced the restlessness that had always distinguished him. He was angry, easily triggered, spiteful. And now he had a deep scar which crossed the left side of his face, making his expression appear even more grim. However, in Nina’s eyes, Pietro was still the boy who fought for her to keep on going to school, just like Salvatore was still the playful kid who took advantage of their size difference to sweep her off her feet and spin her around. But they were not those kids anymore. A line was drawn between Nina and her brothers, and that line became a breach, and that breach had continued to open up until an abyss yawned beneath their feet.

Nina took a sip from her cup of tea, sensing that it might be time to change the subject. The war was clearly a sore point for both of them, although for different reasons. “Agnese told me you like horses,” she sat up straight in her chair, her gaze lighting up with curiosity.

“Yes, I do like horses.”

“When I was a child I wanted to learn how to ride. I even asked my father to buy me a horse for my birthday,” she reminisced, a small laugh escaping her lips. “My mum threatened to leave for good if he ever dared to come home with a horse.”

“So you didn’t get the horse.”

“I didn’t get the horse.”

“You know, I’ve got horses, I could teach you how to ride one,” he proposed, the words escaping his mouth before he could think about what he was saying. Then he realised, and he paused for a moment. He wouldn’t get to teach her. A faint, bitter smile appeared on his lips. “I mean, when you come to Birmingham to visit your cousin.”

Nina couldn’t explain the strange effect his words had on her, the sharp stab of sadness that hit her right in her chest. She brushed off that feeling, telling herself it was just the thought of not seeing Agnese - her only friend and the only ally she had in that family - to cause it.

But Tommy recognised the stinging sensation that was rising up inside him, a sensation he had already felt before. A sensation he couldn’t admit, not even to himself.

“How are things with Tommy?” Nina casually asked her cousin, struggling to hang a bedsheet on the clothesline to dry in the shared backyard.

A sly smile flickered on Agnese’s face as she glanced at the black-haired girl, keeping on folding the dry clothes. “You call him Tommy now?”

Her question made Nina’s movements come to a stop. She shut her eyes for a moment, cursing herself for letting the man’s name slip out of her mouth. She hadn’t told anyone about how she and Tommy were on better terms, about the frequent conversations that had brought them to that point. She had been extra careful not to show the slightest hint of friendliness towards him in public, for she knew people would talk. She couldn’t risk Agnese getting the wrong idea. “Only when he isn’t around,” she murmured, starting to hang the laundry again.

That wasn’t too far away from the truth, though. Although Tommy did call her by her first name, she didn’t remember ever doing the same with him. She didn’t call him Mr Shelby anymore, either. She just didn’t address him. For some reason, calling him by his name seemed too personal. It felt like crossing a line that was not supposed to be crossed.

“I almost thought you were starting to approve of him,” Agnese joked, letting out a small giggle.

Nina forced a laugh, shaking her head, and a sense of guilt rose inside her. She told herself it was just an innocent, white lie; those secret conversations didn’t mean anything. It wasn’t even a lie, just an omission of truth. A justified omission of truth.

Then why did she feel so bad?

Agnese fiddled with the necklace Tommy had given her, pondering her words. “He doesn’t seem to be…taken with me,” she revealed, a glimpse of worry shining in her green irises. “Don’t get me wrong, he’s a gentleman, and he’s been nothing but polite to me, but… I don’t think he likes me.”

“Agnese, are you joking?” Nina hung the last shirt, before turning towards her cousin. It pained her to see her like that. She was the most beautiful person she knew, inside and out, and she didn’t deserve anything less than being happy. “I’m sure he does. How couldn’t he?”

“What if he doesn’t love me?”

“Love will come with time,” Nina walked up to her to take her hands in hers with a reassuring smile. “Everything will turn out for the best. You have to believe that.”

She felt relieved as Agnese nodded, worry starting to fade from her expression. Truth be told, even Nina didn’t fully believe her own words. She couldn’t be sure that Tommy would grow to love her cousin, nor that they would have a happy marriage; she couldn’t be sure that the war that would follow with Sabini would end well for them. But she said what Agnese needed to hear, because she didn’t have the heart to to make her fears seem even more real.

“Thank you, Nina.” Agnese whispered, wrapping her arms around her. When Nina awkwardly returned the embrace, patting her on the back, her cousin couldn’t hold back a chuckle. It was no secret that Nina wasn’t big on physical affection, but for a few selected people - that she didn’t have the courage to push away - she brought herself to tolerate it. At least she tried.

“I need to help my mum with lunch,” the brown-haired girl said, breaking the hug to grab the basket full of dry clothes. “She’ll have my head if I don’t.”

“You’d better go, then.”

As Agnese walked back to her house, Nina finished hanging the laundry, humming a little song to herself. She tried to keep her mind busy with futile thoughts, like what Winston might be doing in that moment, what she would eat for lunch, which book she would start to read after finishing the one she was currently reading. She thought about anything and everything in order to keep her mind off Tommy, Agnese and their departure, off her father and what he had told her that day in his study, off the uncertainty about how her life would turn out. It was a nice day, and she didn’t want to plague herself with such worries. However, in the back of her mind, all of that was still present, poisoning even the nicest of thoughts.

When she turned around, the figure of a man leaning against the wall of the house made her flinch. Stefano Spinietta was standing there in silence, observing her, and she had to fight the urge to ask him how long he had been staring at her. “What are you doing here?” She frowned, collecting herself.

“Business meeting. Your father gave me permission to spend some time with you, while he talks with mine,” he explained, pushing himself away from the wall.

A scowl formed on Nina’s face, and a new wave of irritation ran through her, this time directed at her father. All that speech about him wanting her to make the decision for herself was, indeed, just speech. Words he had said to keep her nice and quiet as he indirectly pushed her down the path he had charted for her. “What makes you think I want to spend time with you?”

Stefano’s lips curled in his ever-present grin, as if he found great amusement in her reactions. But that was exactly the point, to some extent. It had become a game to him, some sort of dark, twisted game. The more she rejected him, the more stubborn he became. Something that had started years ago as a mere interest, had slowly taken a different turn. He wanted her, he had been wanting her since she had drawn a knife at his throat. She was carved under his skin just like the scar her blade had left on his neck. There was something about her. Maybe it was her defiance, her refusal to bend, to mould herself into what she should be. He could make her. He could smother the flames of her fierceness and turn her into a quiet pretty thing. “Why do you always have to be so hostile?” He asked her, squinting his eyes.

His question made Nina’s annoyance grow even more. As if he had no clue of how much he had pestered her all those years. Now he had the courage to act all innocent, to play the part of the nice, polite guy who was just courting a girl he liked. He might’ve fooled everyone with that act, but he had never fooled her. “You asked my father his blessing to marry me.” She snapped, taking some steps in his direction. “Did you really think he’d say yes?”

“He never said no.”

“I did.”

Silence fell between them as they stared at each other, once again refusing to be the first to cave in. But this time it didn’t take Nina any effort to keep her eyes on him. She wasn’t a naive seventeen-year-old anymore. Now she knew what it was that he wanted from her. And his gaze didn’t intimidate her anymore.

“Listen to me, Stefano, and listen to me carefully, because I’m not going to repeat myself,” she said in a low voice, coming even closer to him. “You disgust me. You and all your kind,” she spelled out, making sure to emphasise each word. “And I’d much rather jump in front of a train than marrying you.”

Stefano didn’t say anything, at first. He just clenched his jaw, and his hands balled into fists by his side. Then he broke into a half-smile, one that didn’t reach his eyes, trying not to let his wounded ego show. “I’ve been nice to you, and yet you keep on insulting me.”

This time it was him who got closer, towering over Nina. His eyes darkened, and he looked at her with such contempt that for a moment she had the impression he might hit her. With a quick, sudden movement, he grasped her jaw, and before she had the time to react, he turned to push her against the wall. She looked up at him, trying not to show an ounce of fear as her heart increased its speed.

“My patience has limits. And you shouldn’t forget who you’re talking to,” Stefano gritted out through clenched teeth, digging his fingers in her cheeks. His whole body shook with anger, and the mask of politeness he always hid behind began to fall apart. “You’re playing with fire.”

The same uncontrollable rage that years ago gave Nina the courage to point a knife at him now gave her the strength to stomp on his foot, making him hiss and take a step back. Taking advantage of his distraction, she darted forward, but as soon as he tried to escape, Stefano forcefully slammed her against the wall again, holding her in place by the throat. A sharp sting of pain flashed through her spine at the impact with the cold surface, and a whimper escaped her lips as the air was knocked out of her lungs. Fury flared in Stefano’s dark eyes, but then something changed in his expression. His pupils dilated, and he seemed to lose any kind of control over his actions as his hand left her throat to slowly wander down her body.

An overwhelming sense of panic started to rise inside Nina. She wriggled, trying to free herself from his grasp. “Stop,” she raised her voice, but Stefano promptly covered her mouth with the other hand, pressing his body against hers. She squeezed her eyelids shut when his hand became more insistent, squeezing her small breast in a painful hold, then travelling down to her hipbone to keep her still with bruising force. His hot breath burned on her skin as he leaned over her, bringing his face closer to hers. Nina tried to turn her head in response, but the hand he still had on her mouth wouldn’t allow it. She emitted a muffled sound, bringing her hands to his chest to push him away, but he was too strong, and twice her size. All her desperate efforts to put some space between them were useless. He was a rabid animal, a wild beast devoid of any rational thinking as he ground against her, trying to slide his filthy hand under her skirt. Nina’s face scrunched in disgust, and her whole body stiffened under this touch. A whirlwind of thoughts swirled around in her head, endless, confusing, as if she couldn’t exactly register what was happening.

Then he stopped. Much to Nina’s surprise, Stefano suddenly seemed to come to himself, and he took his hand off her mouth. But there wasn’t a hint of guilt, or regret, in his eyes. On the contrary, he looked almost satisfied. And then she realised. He had been in command of his actions the whole time. “What, you don’t talk anymore?” He asked provocatively.

Nina’s wide eyes rested on Stefano in shock. The lump in her throat kept on growing and growing, making it impossible for her to utter a single sentence. She swallowed, trying to regain some kind of control over her emotions, to force herself to speak, and when she did, she faked a confident tone. However, the trembling in her voice betrayed her fear. “Once my family hears about this, you’ll-”

“I didn’t do anything you didn’t want, love,” he interrupted her, furrowing his brows, his face assuming a perplexed expression.

“What…” she batted her eyelashes in confusion, her voice barely above a whisper. “No, I didn’t...” the words died in her throat as the awareness of his implications started to set in.

Stefano leaned in, bringing his hand to her cheek to caress it with fake tenderness, and a terrible smile made its way on his face. “Who do you think they’ll believe?”

Nina shook her head, a feeling of helplessness she had never felt before taking over her. She just wanted him to leave. She wanted him to take his hands off of her. She wanted to kick him, to scream at him, to dig her nails in his face deeply enough to make him bleed, and yet all she could do was look at him in silence.

But then someone must’ve heard her prayers, because Stefano was abruptly pulled away from her. It was as if some kind of supernatural gust of wind had ripped him away from her body, freeing her from the heavy weight that had her pressed against the stone surface. Except that it wasn’t some supernatural force. The person who had grabbed Stefano by the collar of his shirt was very much human.

“The fuck are you doing?” Tommy growled, his knuckles turning white from the tight grip he had on the man. Stefano, not understanding a word he had said, just raised his hands, as if to show that he meant no harm.

Tommy had recognised the guy. He was the one they had met two weeks ago in the city, the one who had given him a bad feeling as soon as they had met. He couldn’t explain the pure rage he had felt when he caught him holding Nina against a wall. Her scared, helpless expression was all it took for him to see red and launch at the Italian man. The thought of what could’ve happened if the meeting with the Ferrantes and the Spiniettas had finished just a bit too late made his skin crawl. Still holding him by the collar, Tommy raised his fist, driven by the sudden urge to break his nose, but before he could land the blow, Nina’s voice stopped him.

“Don’t!” She exclaimed, causing him to look in her direction. “He’s Spinietta’s son,” she frantically explained, getting a bit closer, but still keeping herself at safe distance.

Tommy shifted his eyes on the Italian man again, his fist still in the air, and pondered for a few seconds. Although Stefano couldn’t understand Nina’s words, he probably had a vague idea of what she had said, because the corners of his lips tugged upwards as he stared at Tommy steadily. Nina held her breath, her heart skipping a beat at the Italian’s implicit provocation. Tommy was really close to doing something that might put him in a dangerous situation, and it seemed like Stefano was doing everything in his power to encourage him. It was part of his fun, of his sick little game.

Feeling his hands itch even more, Tommy charged again, nostrils flaring, almost letting his impulse win. Fuck Spinietta, he thought to himself. But he was not in Small Heath. Begrudgingly, he lowered his hand and let the guy go with a violent push, making him stumble backwards. “Fuck off,” he snarled, pointing towards the path that led to the main garden to get his message across.

Nina sighed in relief, and she wasn’t sure whether it was because Tommy had made the right choice, or because that situation was over. Stefano took the time to straighten his shirt with unsettling composure. Without saying another word and keeping on watching them, he walked past them, his wicked eyes shining with amusement.

The adrenaline started to wear off, leaving Nina in a growing state of dizziness. The panic, the disgust, the anger. All of that became a single, indistinct mass aiming to engulf her and suffocate her. Her ears started to ring, and she had to fight the instinct to cover them and scream at the top of her lungs.

“Are you alright?” Tommy’s voice came to her ears, snapping her out of her trance.

“Yes.” She nodded, blinking a few times. Now aware of her surroundings, she felt as if she was re-entering her body after rising out of it, and the reality of what had happened was crashing on her. Bile raised in her throat, and she knew that if she had had something in her stomach, she would’ve thrown up. “Yes I’m alright.”

“Nina, you’re shaking,” Tommy noted with a hint of worry in his voice, his own heart still racing in his chest.

“No, no I’m fine,” she insisted, turning her face to hide the tears welling up in her eyes. She tightly crossed her arms over her chest, hoping that her hands would stop trembling. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine.” He shook his head, tentatively reaching out to hear. He was approaching her slowly, almost with apprehension, with his palm open, like one would do with a scared stray cat. “Come here.”

Nina hesitated for a while, torn between what she needed and what she was supposed to do, instinct and reason endlessly fighting. For once, she chose to act without thinking. Cautiously, she pulled Tommy into a hug, resting her head against his chest. Hit by an implacable wave of tenderness, he gently wrapped his arms around her, placing his chin on the top of her head. It didn’t make sense, but having her safe in his arms brought him a sense of calmness and security, and his tense body began to relax.

The warmth of his body, his scent, the reassuring sound of his heartbeat, the unfamiliar softness he was showing her; the combination between all of that gave life to a feeling Nina had never felt before, and she couldn’t put a name to it. Between all of that, she was relieved by the awareness that, at least for that moment, she didn’t need to be strong. Tears began to spill out, and her facade fell for the first time.

When a suffocated sob escaped her lips, shaking her slender shoulders, Tommy’s heart painfully clenched in his chest. His hand found the back of her head, and he started to soothingly run his fingers through her soft dark hair. He wanted to say something, but he knew that there was nothing he could say that would make it better. So he held her tighter, as if he could shield her from harm with the sole strength of his arms.

“Breathe, love,” he whispered when he noticed that, in an attempt to hold back her sobs, she had tensed up a bit too much. “Breathe.”

Nina took a deep breath, focusing on Tommy’s deep voice and the delicate motion of his fingers through her hair.

“There you go,” he murmured encouragingly, feeling her calm down against him. She sniffled, snuggling even closer, and, once again, Tommy was overwhelmed by the need to protect her.

They couldn’t care less if someone saw them. In that moment, their embrace was the only thing that mattered.

Laying on her side with her knees drawn up, Nina stared at the shadows created by the small lamp on her bedside table. She could still feel the heaviness of Stefano’s hands on her, the burning of his hot breath on her skin, the suffocating smell of his cologne. She only wanted to get rid of those hands, that breath, that smell. She would gladly rip off her whole skin if it meant to forget.

She hated herself for allowing him to make her feel small, weak, for he had made it quite clear that was what he wanted. Because even though for a moment he had indulged in the temptation, he wouldn’t actually dare go through with it, not in her house. His purpose was to show her that he could overpower her at any time.

But then came feeling of being wrapped in Tommy’s arms, of being pressed against his strong frame, the feeling she had been desperately trying to give a name to. Until it occurred to her. Safe. She had felt safe.

A soft knock on the door of her bedroom pulled her out of the vortex of thoughts. She sat up on the bed, crossing her legs beneath her. “Come in,” she said, but her voice was so feeble that she doubted the person on the other side had heard her. Still, the door opened, and in the dim, warm light, Tommy’s figure appeared on the doorstep.

He had never been in her room, but somehow it was exactly like he had imagined it. Ivory-coloured walls covered in a pattern of small flowers, dark wooden furniture, lace curtains. Handwritten sheets of paper scattered all over the desk, along with pens and pencils. It was bit messy and full of books, and it smelled like her. A mixture of lavender and honey.

When that night Tommy had come out of his room, the first thing he noticed was the unsettling silence. No rattle of pots coming from downstairs. But a half-light shone through Nina’s bedroom door, and he found himself desperately needing to know how she was. She had been avoiding everyone the whole day.

“I just wanted to check up on you,” his deep voice came out in a low sound, and it held some kind of uncertainty. He wasn’t sure that going to her had been a good idea. Maybe she didn’t want to see him, maybe knocking on her door was too much.

His doubts faded when the ghost of a smile formed on her face, and she motioned for him to come in. He carefully closed the door behind him, then went to sit on the edge of the bed, keeping his distance. A vice-like grip held his stomach when he noticed her puffy eyes and red cheeks. How many times had she cried?

“You’re paler than usual,” Nina teased him to ease the tension, but her voice didn’t hold the bantering tone he had grown used to hear. “You should get some sleep.”

Tommy half-smiled, shifting his gaze on the floor for a moment. But instead of spitting out a retort - contrary to Nina’s expectations - he just nodded. “You’re right,” he conceded.

A sigh escaped Nina’s lips, and she nervously fiddled with her own fingers. He was walking on eggshells, and she didn’t like it, not even a bit. “Please, stop treating me like that.”

“Like what?” He furrowed, looking at her again.

“Like I might break at any moment.”

Tommy said nothing. He could see why she didn’t want to be treated any differently, but she did look like she would break. Not once had she shown a single shred of vulnerability until that day, and it was disarming. Truth was, he didn’t know how to act.

“I’ll forget it ever happened,” she spoke again, this time with resolution, but she didn’t sound fully convinced of what she was saying. “And you should do the same. No one can know about it.”

“You should tell-”

“No,” she firmly interrupted him, Stefano’s veiled threat still echoing in her ears. “I can’t,” she continued, her voice becoming softer.

Tommy suddenly remembered what she told him a week earlier at the beach, and everything became clear. It was all it took to make his blood boil again. The room went quiet, but the silence was soon broken by a faint rustle of sheets, as Nina left her spot to sit closer to him. Honey and lavender filled his nostrils, and he had to restrain himself from inhaling deeply, eager to feel more. More than the light brushing of their arms, separated by the thin fabric of his undershirt. They were barely touching, and yet his skin burned. As hard as he tried to suffocate that feeling, to extinguish that fire, the flames kept on flaring, higher than before. He couldn’t fight it. She placed a hand on his shoulder, and that feather-like contact was enough to send sparks of electricity through his body. “Promise me,” she whispered, “you won’t tell anyone.”

Tommy turned to look at her, and the proximity allowed him to spot a small scratch on her cheek. Without thinking, he delicately ran his finger on it, and he was almost surprised by the feeling of her soft skin under his rough hand. Slowly, even hesitantly, his hand went to cup the side of her face, and he gently rubbed his thumb along her cheek. “I promise.”

Tommy’s hoarse voice, along with the warmth of his hand, sent shivers down Nina’s spine, and her pulse started to race. She couldn’t explain how the closeness of his strong body was making her feel, nor the effect his masculine scent had on her. Aftershave, cigarettes, and a hint of musk. And she couldn’t help but wonder: if she pressed further into him, if she let herself be held by him again, would it lift the weight off her chest? Would it take away the pain, the revulsion, the shame? Would his touch be enough to replace Stefano’s hands?

When he felt Nina unconsciously get closer, Tommy closed his eyes, drowning in her scent, and he could swear there was fire running through his veins. It was as if some unknown force was pulling him towards her, drawing him nearer, and when her soft lips brushed against his, his mind went blank. Every cell in his body was begging him to give in.

No. It wasn’t right.

Nina was vulnerable, too vulnerable, and probably unable to make any conscious decisions. He couldn’t take advantage of her like that. It took all his strength to move away and bring her in to press a kiss on her forehead instead. He lingered there for a few seconds, savouring the moment. When he let his hand fall from her face, the warmth left him, and it seemed to him that his fingers had sharply gotten cold.

Feeling her confused eyes following him, Tommy got up and walked to the door, ignoring the invisible string that was pulling him in the opposite direction. He couldn’t stay in that room any longer. If he did, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to restrain himself.

“Goodnight, Nina.”

NEXT PART

Tag list: @iamngoclinh08 @lilywinchesterlove @fandom-puff @capitanostella @caelys @lucillethings @peakyxtommy @queenofkings1212 @lyarr24 @kmc1989 @call-sign-shark @jomarch-wannabe

Heart, Body and Soul tag list: list: @zablife @queenofshinigamis @raincoffeeandfandoms @call-sign-shark @kmc1989 @babayaga67 @kmhappybunny240 @diorrfairy @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @gaslysainz @brummiereader

Tommy Shelby tag list: @50svibes

#peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinders fics #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby x oc

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swiftie-as-a-coursing-river · 8 months

Text

Kanej hobbies headcanon:

When she’s away at sea, Inej takes up knitting to pass the time. She gets really good at it.

As she’s on her way to visit Kaz and Wesper in Ketterdam she decides to knit Kaz some gloves

She makes sure to make the stitches bigger at the fingertips so he can still lockpick.

When she gives them to him he almost passes away right there on the spot.

He tells her, “This is the best gift I’ve ever been given” and she feels almost giddy

Kaz never takes them off.

After she leaves again, he decides to learn how to draw so he can capture her image while she’s away.

He’s actually really good at it, but there’s always something ever so slightly off that frustrates him. Eventually he gives up.

The next time Inej is in Ketterdam he asks her to teach him how to knit.

It’s frustrating but Inej helps him stay calm and eventually, he gets quite good.

Inej is the only one who knows he knits and he knows she’ll keep it a secret.

He likes knitting bc “you can hurt someone with a knitting needle.”

He always keeps a knitting needle up his sleeve with his other weapons

He makes gifts for all of the dregs, but no one knows it’s him.

When Inej is asked if it’s her, she just laughs and walks away

When Nina is asked about it she says it’s not her but she doesn’t know who it is

As the years go by and Kaz becomes more comfortable with touch, the gloves from Inej slowly become fingerless gloves, and then none at all.

He also gets really into sewing and is a MENACE with a sewing machine.

Inej gets really good at embroidery.

They make a lot of clothes for the other crows. Especially Wylan and Jesper.

When Kaz and Inej get engaged he decides he wants to make her wedding dress.

He doesn’t tell her that he’s making it because he wants to surprise her.

However, it’s not turning out how he wants, it’s not perfect.

Inej notices how agitated he is and knows something is up

The moment she confronted him he breaks and confesses bc he can’t lie to Inej.

Inej is both annoyed and also speechless.

She’s annoyed bc she literally has been searching for the perfect dress for months with Nina.

But that annoyance disappears quickly bc the dress Kaz made is literally perfect, it’s everything she was looking for.

Also at the same time he confesses about the drawings to.

She thinks they’re perfect and hangs all of them up.

Other couples:

Wesper

Helnik

#six of crows #grishaverse #grishaverse swifties #shadow and bone #kaz brekker #kanej #inej ghafa #headcanon #kanej brainrot #kanej nation #kanej supremacy

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fuckyeahgoodomens · 9 months

Text

Maggie and Nina interview with Cheryl Eddy for Gizmodo au, 10 July 2023

Good Omens fans know what it means to pine for a couple to be together. Season two adds more shipping to the mix with Nina (Nina Sosanya) and Maggie (Maggie Service), shopkeeper neighbors of bookselling angel Aziraphale (Michael Sheen). If their names and faces are familiar, that’s because you’ve seen them together before: as Satanic nuns in Good Omens season one.

This time around, of course, they are completely different characters who just happened to be named after the actors who play them. They were “beyond thrilled” to return to Good Omens, Service told io9 at a recent press day.

Sosanya agreed. “There was a sort of shock when we first heard that the second series was happening, a bigger one when we realized that we would be in it,” she said. “Then there was the adjustment that you have to make when you’re not going to be playing the previous characters. And then, just delight when you find out you’re going to be playing something new and named after our own selves, which is unprecedented, really.”

Without getting into plot spoilers, we can say that Good Omens season two acknowledges the queer subtext that fans read into Aziraphale and Crowley (David Tennant) in season one, and brings it out into the open with these new characters. Maggie, who runs a record shop, has a huge crush on Nina, who runs a coffee shop and is unfortunately already partnered up. They’re lesbians, but Good Omens doesn’t make a big deal out of that fact; that’s just who these characters happen to be.

“Season one [really] connected with people,” Service said. “The Good Omens universe, it’s a place where you can just be—you know, you’re welcome, whoever you are, however, whatever. If something makes you feel ‘other,’ you’re not. You’re fine. You’re welcome. That reaction from the fans has painted into what they wanted to write in season two, to just absolutely make that message more than 100% clear and tell some more stories. It’s not a big deal [that they’re gay] it’s just who they are.”

Added Sosanya, “I think that’s what Neil does with a lot of his writing and with a lot of the graphic novels as well. Those characters, they’re not explained particularly, they just are. It doesn’t have to be justified in any way.”

Maggie and Nina are unique in Good Omens season two because they’re both mortals—even if they don’t realize at first that they’re surrounded by characters who are actually angels and demons. “They didn’t really know particularly that there are ‘sides’ to be taken, so they’re sort of working their own moral compass,” Sosanya said. “Following instincts, and trying to do the best they can and look after the people who look like they might need help,” Service added.

Said Sosanya, “And then, [once they do realize what’s going on], it’s not actually clear which side they would be on. They’re well-rounded characters—they could go either way. They’re just sort of experiencing it in the moment and seeing what occurs because nothing is as it seems.”

Both actors agreed they’d love to return for a hypothetical Good Omens season three, either as Nina and Maggie again or as another set of new characters—“any chance to spend any time in the Good Omens universe will be a great day in the office,” Service said. And they both think the themes of Good Omens are important ones.

“In both seasons, the question of what makes a good person, what makes a bad person is prevalent. I think much more in season two, [also] something about authenticity. But lots of parties seem to be searching for something and it might be within themselves,” Service teased.

Added Sosanya, “I also think that perhaps as a theme about learning to trust another individual. You can’t operate as an island. No angel is an island, and no demon is an island.”

#good omens #gos2 #season 2 #interview #nina sosanya #nina interview #maggie interview #maggie service #nina and maggie #good omens universe #fun fact #island #❤#nm #maggie and nina #s2 interview

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tsukikumai · 1 year

Text

Seatbelts, whispers & patience

Shu Yamino x reader

slightly nsfw!! Established relationship.

A 4 seater car for 5 people, you were “forced” to sit in one seat with Shu. What could go wrong?

You were picked up at the UK airport with Vox, Nina, Luca and Shu. You were the last to arrive there, and Vox drove everyone there to meet up with you.

So you gathered your luggage, got through customs and met the squad. Everyone was just what you expected, cheerful and funny as always. You gave everyone a good hug. Vox, Luca, Nina and then… Shu.

Shu’s hug was rather longer and more intimate than the others. You wrappped your arms around his neck, and his slender arms held you by your waist.

He chucked, “Hi babe, long time no see.” His sweet voice flowed through your ears, although you had called him everyday while you were apart, hearing him in real life was so much better.

“Shuuu~” You cooed, nestling your head into his shoulders. “aksjdj s-stop, let’s get going, they’re waiting on us.” He coughed, embarrassed.

=========more under the cut==========

Luca, Vox were simply having a normal conversation, backing off so you guys could have some time. It seemed as though Nina was a part of that conversation, but upon closer inspection, she was staring at you two with the largest grin on her face.

Shu helped you load your luggage on to Vox’s car and it was time to go to the Airbnb you all booked.

However, there was one flaw about this plan, Vox’s car was a four seater.

You and Shu hadn’t been together for a very long time yet, but this was the only reasonable plan to proceed with.

Shu sat back and opened his legs, patting the available area infront of him, telling you to sit down. Honestly he didn’t think too much about this, because he was the one who pitched this idea. He was probably too focused on the solution, rather than realizing how intimate the 30 minute ride would be.

“You guys alright back there?” Vox inquired, starting up the car.

You both hummed in agreement, even though you were awkwardly sat in front of Shu. “Hey, you know you can sit back a little more right? There’s still some space here.” He noticed your discomfort, and tried to scoot back into the seat a little more.

Little did he know that he would’ve regretted this offer.

You scoot back. His thighs trapped your lower body like a docking station (I’m sorry for this simile). You were so close you could feel his breath of the back of your neck.

Suddenly, the car rocked, and instinctively Shu grips your waist to stop you from moving. The car rocked again, his hold tightened.

“Sorry guys I don’t know why this road is so bumpy.” Vox said, “I’m just following the GPS, so just hold on for a minute Y/n.”

“Alright…”

“I suppose Shu can just be Y/n’s seat belt for a bit” Nina laughed teasingly.

“I m-mean, that’s the only way right?” Shu stuttered.

Shu was trying his best to be your seatbelt, his hands held strongly onto your waist, and his thighs lightly squeezed your body. You rested your hands on Shu’s legs, your very own Shu-chair.

“Are you doing okay there, Shu?” Luca, who was sat on your right questioned. “Your face looks a bit red, is it too hot in here?”

At this point, Shu had realized the situation, the problem to his solution. You felt his breath hitch, his heart beat thudding faster on your back.

“Y-yeah, I”m… fine.” He spoke slowly, facing the window. “It is a little h-hot in here.”

You weren’t sure why, but Vox turned on the radio, slightly louder than it should’ve been.

You felt something touch your lower back, you stiffen in his hold.

Ah. That was why.

“S-sorry, babe.” He whispers in your ear, the air sent shivers down your spine. “I didn’t t-think this whole thing through.”

You felt red sneak up to your cheeks. He rested his chin on your left shoulder, blocking Luca from seeing his face.

You took a glance at Shu, his face was red, his left eye was closed, contrasting his open mouth lightly panting for air.

“Oh dear.” You whispered back to him. “Vox, how long til we get there?”

“10 more minutes.” The demon replied, you knew it was gonna be the longest 10 minutes of your life for the both of you.

You tried to give Shu some space by taking your hands off his legs and scooting forward away from him. However, the sorcerer quickly grabbed your right hand with his, wrapping his right arm around your waist, pulling you back.

“Shu?” You questioned, quietly.

“Luca m-might see.” He explained, “I’ll be f-fine.”

“You sure don’t sound like you’re fine, Shu.” You teased.

“Don’t make this h-harder for me.”

With that, you proceeded to shut up by request of your boyfriend.

The car, however had no plans to stop. Every bounce the vehicle had, you would collide with your beloved, it was getting more difficult for him to hold in his voice.

“Haah…”

“Hnggh…”

“Mghh…”

His quiet moans weren’t heard by anyone else since Vox turned on the radio, but you heard it clear as day, with every noise sending butterflies in your stomach. Electricity pulsing through your entire body.

Now you were two red tomatoes, waiting for the ride to be over.

“Finally we’re here!” Luca exclaimed, getting off the car with the rest of them. Shu held tight onto your backpack at a convenient place, and quickly dragged you into the Airbnb.

“So how do you like it?” Nina asked.

“It’s great! Very spacious.” You nodded in approval.

“You have a shared bedroom with Shu! Isn’t that pog?” Luca chimed in, pointing at the door.

“Might not want to keep him waiting though.” Vox leaned in and whispered. You glance to the side, Shu was still holding your hand, running out of his usually unlimited amount of patience.

You smiled to the three of them, “I’m gonna go take a quick shower.”

You lead Shu into your shared bedroom.

“Thank god,” he drops your bag onto the floor with a thud and locks the door.

“Come here, baby.”

#luxiem imagines #shu yamino #shu yamino x reader #nijisanji x reader #luxiem

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shuchu · 2 years

Text

‧̍̊˙˚˙ᵕ꒳ᵕ˙˚˙ off collab with the boys ˙˚˙ᵕ꒳ᵕ˙˚˙‧̍̊

characters: vox akuma ; mysta rias ; luca kaneshiro ; ike eveland ; shu yamino ; shoto

take note: this headcanon is written with a gn!reader who is also a vtuber from nijisanji en and the boys have a crush on the reader. also, in this, the reader is a complete lightweight lmao sorry (≧▽≦)

author notes: this is a very long post, it’s kinda like separate one shots for the boys but in headcanon form? idek lmao halp (・_・;) the boys won’t confess now, i’ll write a separate headcanon on how the boys would confess (≧◡≦) i tried my best with this but if any of the boys are ooc i’m so sorry! as usual, feel free to send in feedback and/or requests (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) decorative dividers credit to: @/mykaesu on twt *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

enjoy lovelies! ♡

a little backstory:

the luxiem boys and shoto were under the impression that it was just them meeting up, with the addition of ninaur of course. however, nina had messaged you on discord after they had planned to meet up and asked if you would be down to surprise the boys since she knew how close you were with them. you agreed immediately and started making plans to travel to Paris (wink wonk).

the day finally arrives and you’re standing outside the door of the airbnb that they were at. 'badum badum badum' you can hear your racing heartbeat in your ears, you’re nervously pacing to and fro with 3 boxes of pizzas in your hands waiting for nina to open the door to let you in. you could hear their voices from outside the door, they were currently streaming. this was your first time meeting any of your co-workers in person and you were lowkey freaking out a little. suddenly you hear nina go, “oh hold on, i think our pizzas are here!” you sucked in a breath and tried to calm yourself down. she opens the door and goes, “oh, wait a minute…who’s this?” nina stands to the side to let you in and you smile, saying, “did you guys order some pizza?”. you see the boys’ eyes widen in shock and next thing you know, you’re engulfed in a big group hug.

vox

his eyes widens and he’d go, “no fucking way…”

after the group hug is over, he hugs you again tight and says, “it’s so good to meet you in person.”

when sitting on the couch together with the boys, vox would sit next to you and rest his arm behind you, on the back of the couch

vox would want to spend as much as time as he can one-on-one with you, so he plans to do lots of collabs with you. him being there for moral support while you play FNAF being one of the many collabs

when you get jumpscared, you whine at him and he coos at you saying, “aaawww…does y/n need my help? did they get jumpscared again by bonnie? aawwww…”

you’d swat at him telling him to shut up and insist that you’re fine. the smug bastard just chuckles and says, “alright then, if you say so love.”

he would be flirting and bantering with you so much during the collabs, talking about how cute you are when you blush and get flustered

your fans would go crazy and say, “(you and vox’s ship name) fans are well fed during the off collab."

fan art of vox and you will flood both your twitter feeds, vox liking as many of them as possible, even retweeting some

vox would be very helpful, constantly asking if you need help with anything especially with setting up stream or whether you need to use any of his equipment

i have a feeling that you and vox would have many late night conversations where you guys would talk about anything and everything

if you wanted to go shopping he’d be more than happy to accompany you

he’d be so patient, going to all the different shops with you and complimenting you when you go to try on clothes

vox would definitely offer to carry all your bags even though you insist that you don’t need help

when you all go to a bar, vox would definitely be the one to take care of you if you get drunk

under the influence of alcohol, vox might let it slip that he likes you but you were too drunk to register what he said

to help get you home safely, he'd princess carry you back to the airbnb

if you have a hangover the next day he’d tease you first and say with a smirk on his face, “i didn’t know you were a lightweight.”

you’d roll your eyes and tell him to shut the fuck up. at that he would chuckle and say, “ah…but you love it when i tease you.”

he would then hand you aspirin and water, then leave to go cook some soup to help you feel better

when you thank him for helping you get over your hangover, he’d just say, “of course, i’m glad i could help y/n.”

when you're leaving, vox gives you a long tight hug and speaks softly so that only you could hear him, “i loved spending time with you, let’s do this again soon. i want to spend more time with you.”

you’d rub his back and say, “it’s okay voxy, we can still hang out online. i enjoyed spending time with you too you silly demon man.”

“don’t miss me too much y/n.” cheeky bastard

mysta

mysta’s eyes widen and his jaw drops, he can’t believe that you’re right there, in person, in front of him. he feels like he’s dreaming

after the group hug is over, he would say, “you’re shorter than i imagined.”, chuckling right after

you’d punch his arm and glare at him saying, “is that how you say hi to me huh? mysta rias from nijisanji en’s luxiem.”

he’d then hug you and say, “i’m kidding, i’m kidding, it’s good to have you here y/n.”

like vox, i feel like mysta would want to spend a lot of one-on-one time with you, since well, he has a crush on you

he would try to be subtle about his intentions but we all know how that will go lmao

he would arrange for as many collabs as he can with you and gets a bit jealous when the other boys arrange multiple collabs with you too

during your collabs he’d try to make you flustered and he loves the fact that he’s able to see your reactions to his flirting in person

although, when you flirt back, mysta becomes a spluttering, stuttering mess and the fact that you’re able to see his reaction in person makes it 10 times better

you then tease him about it saying, “aaawww is little mysta all flustered?”

he’d respond and say, “w-what? noooo…i’m not, i have no idea what you’re talking about.” “you’re literally as red as a tomato right now mysta.” “that is such cap y/n, don’t believe them chat.” flustered mysta >>>

mysta would definitely make you laugh a lot during your collabs, at the end of every collab both your cheeks and stomach would be hurting

multiple clips of the both of you flirting and bantering will flood twitter, mysta would secretly bookmark all of them so that when he gets home, he can look back on them and relive those moments when he misses you. i cri, he's so precious

mysta would also be very helpful, lending you equipment when you want to stream and helping you with technical difficulties whenever they pop up

like vox, you and mysta would also have many late night talks, he’d fall even more in love with you after those talks because he feels like you understand him and that you would never judge him

mysta would constantly ask if you’d want to go out to get some food with him, secretly hoping that the others won’t tag along

he’d also set up movie nights where if you guys watch a scary film, he’d instinctively hug you and hide his face behind your shoulder

but he’ll end up holding your hand throughout the entire movie which he is secretly really happy about

when the group of you go to a bar for drinks, both of you get absolutely hammered because you both are lightweights

you guys end up giggling a whole lot on the way home, stumbling and almost falling flat on your faces multiple times, resulting in vox needing to hold on to the both of you all the way home

the next day, both of you are down with a hangover, mysta stumbles into your room and collapses on your bed saying, “urrghhh y/n i feel like shit.” you groan and respond, “uurrgghh me too.”

“can i stay in your bed with you for today? i don’t wanna be alone.” “sure mysta.”

you both end up sleeping the day away with shoto and vox bringing the both of you aspirin, water as well as your comfort foods to help with the hangover

when you're leaving, mysta comes up to you and gives you a hug, saying, "thank you for making this trip so enjoyable and fun, i'll miss you. let's meet up again soon okay?"

you hug him a little tighter and thank him for such an enjoyable trip as well, agreeing to another off collab soon

luca

luca would yell your name and be the first one to run towards you with his arms wide open. ugh i love luca sm he's so cute uweee

he would squeeze you to his booba so tight, chuckle and say, “it’s y/n! in person! POGGGGGG!”

throughout the whole trip luca would constantly be making tik tok references and doing the “AUUGGHHHHH” sound, making you laugh so much

when you guys are just hanging out in the living room, he’d say, “hey y/n, check out this tik tok.” the both of you would spend hours watching tik tok videos with each other and laughing your asses off

luca would organise as many collabs with you as possible, one of the many collabs might be It Takes Two, since the both of you have never played it before and luca thought that it’ll be a good idea to play it with you during the off collab

luca plays as cody and you play as may (or vice versa), when you guys get to the part where cody gets the nails and may gets the hammer, luca would keep shooting the nails at you/hammering you down with the hammer and laughing all while doing it. once you get free of being nailed/hammered down, you’d run after him with the hammer/nails, yelling, “LUCCCAAAA!!!”” to try and hammer/nail him down as revenge. the both of you would progress through the game super slowly because of luca and his trolling

luca finds it super cute when you run at him to try and get revenge from all the trolling that he’s doing

so prepare yourself for luca griefing you a lot for the whole duration of this game

from all the tik toks that the both of you have watched together, a repertoire of inside jokes were created and when the group does collabs together, the both of you would be giggling at jokes that only the both of you get, leaving the rest confused

when the group of you would go out for food, luca would always be down to try something he’s never eaten before. so when he tries something he likes, he’d look at you and go, “y/n, this is really good! i like it!” and you’d clap and say, “pogggg! i’m so proud of you luca!”

when the group of you goes shopping, luca would always find a way to make you laugh. luca would pick up a pair of sunglasses that look really bizarre and say, “hey y/n, you think i should get these glasses?”, you’d giggle and tell him that he looks ridiculous in those glasses

when you try on outfits and ask luca for his opinion on them, he’d always go, “y/n poggggg! yes, get them!” and when you go back into the changing room, he’d blush a little because he thinks you look amazing in everything

when the group goes out to a bar for a drink, like with mysta, both of you get absolutely hammered

luca and you would start doing random dances and giggling when the other looks stupid doing it, not caring if people were looking

vox and nina being the ones to make sure the both of you get back safely

somehow luca doesn't get a hangover, but you do, so luca brings you aspirin and a glass of water. he then says, "it's okay y/n, just pog!" you groan at that and say, "luca please."

luca would be there to help you get over your hangover, bringing more water whenever you wanted some, going out to get your favourite food and keeping you company

when you're leaving, luca engulfs you in a hug and says with a pout, "nooo y/n why're you leaving me?"

you pat him gently on the back and assure him that more off collabs will be planned in the future and that you both can still hang out online

he'd nod while still hugging you and says, "thank you for making this trip so fun y/n, i'll miss you."

"i'll miss you too luca." i'm so soft for him uweee ( 〃▽〃)

ike

ike would be one of the last few to join the group hug because he’s just so shocked that you’re literally standing right in front of him

he’d hug you again after the group hug and say, “aaahhh, it’s so good to see you y/n!”

he’d make you try caviar toast, let’s be real, mans is addicted to that stuff (≧▽≦)

ike’s social battery drains pretty quickly but he’d make sure that he’s around you, you guys don’t have to talk, he just loves being around you

ike would arrange to do multiple collabs with you, a clubhouse games 51 collab being one of the many collabs

since ike has a crush on you, flirty ike comes out to play, occasionally slipping in flirty comments whenever the chance arises

when you guys play connect 4, both of you get equally competitive so you’d both be taunting each other and trying to trick each other into making a wrong move

when ike wins and you just flop back onto the backrest of the couch feeling defeated, he sits closer to you saying, “aww you did really well y/n, you were 1 step away from beating me.”

he’d rub small circles on the back of your hand to help you feel better. i’m ascendingggggg

when you win, ike goes, “what the hecky?? i did not see that coming, good job y/n!”

both of your twitter feeds will be full of fanart of the both of you, ike likes as many as he can and retweets a lot of them too

ike would take the time to get to know you properly and by the end of the off collab he would know your likes and dislikes like the back of his hand

this might be ooc but i see you and ike taking a nap next to each other, with your head on his shoulder possibly

the rest will see it and go, “aaww”, nina will probably snap a photo secretly and send it to ike because mama knows ~

i feel like ike would ask you to accompany him to cafés for a little mid day snack or for brunch perhaps

ike and you would definitely be the ones to clean up and tidy up the airbnb, you guys would be dancing and singing along to vocaloid songs while cleaning. married life with ike brainrot go brr

when you guys go shopping, ike would be like luca, he’d compliment every item you try on and thinking about how stunning you look in every single item of clothing you try on

“y/n…you look amazing!!! definitely get that outfit and the other items of clothing that you tried earlier.”

when the group goes out to a bar to drink, i feel like ike would get tipsy and would be a little more flirty than usual but of course you’re too drunk to even realise that he’s flirting with you

i’d imagine that ike has a higher alcohol tolerance than you do so he’d end up wrapping an arm around your shoulder and vice versa, making sure that you get back safely

he would definitely take care of you the next morning when you’re nursing that hangover, bringing you the aspirin and water, then hanging out with you for the whole day, sitting beside you and reading a book, just scrolling through twitter on his phone or writing a novel, getting you whatever you need when you ask for it

when you tell him that he doesn’t have to stay with you, ike says, “i enjoy your company y/n, so don’t worry.” with that soft gentle smile (*/▽＼*)

when you’re leaving, ike would give you a long hug, rubbing his thumb slightly on your back saying, “it’s been such a pleasure spending time with you y/n, i hope we can do this again sometime soon.”

“likewise ikey, i always enjoy spending time with you.” i cri, i love ike

shu

shu would also be one of the last few to join the group hug because he’s stunned and at a loss for words but he’s so excited to get to spend time with you in person

he’d give you a hug and squeeze you a lil saying, “eyyyy y/n, welcome to paris, happy to have you here!”

shu is such a memer and has such zoomer humour that you’ll be laughing tons throughout the whole trip and shu appreciates that you laugh at his zoomer jokes

shu would also want to collab a lot with you, so plan a valorant training week with him as your coach

you’ve been watching all the other hopconners and want to give valorant a shot

you’d ask shu to coach you with the pien face and hoo boy, how could shu say no to that face, you got him blushing

“u-uh yeah, i’d be happy to coach you!”

he’s secretly so happy that you asked him to teach you

during the valorant stream, shu would sit beside you and get you to do some aim training first

at first you’d struggle with flicking your crosshair to the targets’ heads so shu stands behind you with a hand resting on the back of your chair, the other on your hand (asking permission first of course) to guide you on how to flick to the dummy’s heads. this made me blush (//▽//)

you’d get the hang of it really quickly after he demonstrated to you and he’d be so proud of you saying, “eyyyy! you got it y/n!”

your chat, consisting of the yaminions and your fans couldn’t see what was happening behind the scenes but saw how patient and gentle shu was being with you. your chat would be flooded with comments saying, “awww shu and y/n are so cute!”, “i feel like i’m third wheeling.”, “shu sounds so proud of y/n, that’s so cute!”

when you guys play unranked valorant games together, shu would definitely try his best because he wants to impress you. so when you hype him up as he’s getting kills and compliment him after saying that he’s absolutely cracked at the game, his heart flutters and he gets a little flustered. he’s so cute

during all the collabs that the both of you do, shu will slip in compliments whenever he can and he’d drop a few flirty comments here and there just to see if you’d get flustered. if you do, he finds it really fricking cute

if you have any technical difficulties, shu will be there to help in a heartbeat. he ain’t called shupport for nothing

shu would ask you if you’d like to go grab food with him and if no one else asks to tag along, he’s secretly really happy because he gets to spend more time with you alone

shu would definitely ask you to watch anime with him and if you end up falling asleep on his shoulder while watching, he’ll stay there and take a nap with you because he can’t bear to move when you look so cute resting on his shoulder like that

shu likes being around you, so if you’re hanging out in the living room, he’d be there too

if he watches something funny on youtube he’d show it to you so the both of you can laugh about it together and if he finds fan art or clips posted to youtube about the both of you that he likes, he’d show them to you on his phone

when the group goes out to a bar, both you and shu would get drunk after 2-3 drinks and shu gets a little bolder when he’s drunk so he’d probably start flirting a bit more. when you flirt back, shu blushes and gets all flustered

vox and ike will help get the both of you back to the airbnb safely but the whole time, shu will be holding your hand because he wants to make sure that you’re always with him and that nothing bad happens to you on the way back. protective shu >>>

the next day, shu would somehow not get a hangover but you will and he’ll be the one taking care of you. when you give him the pien face, asking him to give you headpats and stay with you, shu’s heart melts and he pats your hair gently, lulling you back to sleep

when you’re leaving, shu gives you a big long hug where you guys sway a little side to side. you giggle and he chuckles saying, “eyyy y/n, i really enjoyed hanging out with you during this off collab, let’s arrange for more in the future okay?”

shoto would also, like luca, run towards you immediately with arms wide open, yelling your name excitedly

after the group hug, shoto would give you a hug and squeeze you tight saying, “aaaahh im so happy you’re here y/n!”

shoto is kinda like a mix of vox and shu, he has zoomer humour but makes a ton of dirty jokes too so every time shoto makes a zoomer or dirty joke, you’d look at him with a deadpan face and say, “shoto...”

i feel like shoto would do minecraft collabs with you because they’re chill and relaxing , you both would make a little village of your own and go on mining adventures. sounds so relaxing (─‿‿─)♡

i also feel like shoto would get you to play valorant with him and shu but flirting with you throughout the whole collab making poor shu a thirdwheel (≧▽≦)

“hey y/n, if you clutch this i’ll give you a kiss.” “h-huh wait, what?”

chat would be flying saying things like, “ayo???”, “shoto??”, “he said he would what??”

but you end up getting shot by the enemy because you were too flustered

shoto just chuckles and says, “maybe next time y/n.” but secretly his heart was racing

if vox is unable to be there when you plan on playing FNAF due to other collabs, shoto will sit in for him

whenever you get jumpscared, he’d get jumpscared too, occasionally (≧▽≦). but he’ll place a hand on your back, rubbing it slowly while encouraging you

“c’mon y/n you’re at 4am! it’s do-able, i believe in you!”, “YOU DID IT WOOOOO! i’m so proud of you!”

shoto would also compliment you a lot especially when he likes the outfits that you wear

“sheeesh y/n you look good!”

shoto would definitiely treat you to sushi, he’d ask, “hey y/n, would you like to go on a little sushi date with me?”

in the mornings shoto would also cook pancakes for you if you haven’t had anything to eat yet

“wait you haven’t had breakfast yet y/n? i’ll go cook up some pancakes for you real quick, stay right there.”

when you wanna go shopping, you bet shoto will ask to tag along. i wanna hc that shoto has pretty good fashion sense so he’d help pick out some outfits for you to try on. every outfit you tried on has his jaw dropping every single time. “omg, y/n you look amazing! you better get this outfit because holy crap you look so good.”

after all the shopping both of you would get boba, find a little bench to sit down, rest and chat a little

shoto would also be one to ask for you to watch anime with him, if you guys are both not in the mood to go anywhere. the both of you would just hang out in the living room of the airbnb watching anime. he’d sit right next to you with his legs crossed. after watching a few episodes you guys will just hang out, talking about what you thought about the few episodes that you’ve just watched

from all the collabs that the both of you have done, there will be lots of fan art of the both of you. shoto likes and retweets as many as he can. he would show them to you on his phone if you aren’t busy or if the both of you are just hanging out on the couch

when the group of you head out to a bar for some drinks, shoto has a higher alcohol tolerance than you do so you’d end up getting drunk after 2-3 drinks whereas he’d end off the night being just tipsy at most

you thought shoto was flirty before? meet tipsy shoto. shoto would definitely be flirting with you the whole time you guys were drinking.

“you know what? this tastes pretty good, i’ll probably want a little more later.”

“i know what i want a little more of later too.”

“SHOTO!!!”

“just kidding...unless?” ( 〃▽〃) shoto please

shoto would wrap your arm around his shoulder and he does the same to you so that you won’t stumble and fall while you guys are heading back

if you get a hangover the next day, shoto will definitely be there to help you get over your hangover. he’d be there to bring you anything you want. you want ramen? he’ll go cook it. you want sushi? he’ll go out and get it. you need more water? he’s on it. he’ll be right beside you the whole time, keeping you company

when you’re leaving, shoto gives you a long hug, rubbing your back slowly and says, “i loved spending time with you y/n, i’ll miss your presence...” pien shoto is so cute uweee

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giantmushyfriend · 4 months

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Discussing Crowley's S3 (potential) relationships

As soon as season 3 got confirmed, or even since Neil told us that one way or another he would tell its story, we as a community have wondered about how Crowley will interact with the different characters as he and Aziraphale attempt to once again prevent the end of the world, and finally resolve the barricade that has stopped them from actually talking to each other, which will allow them to eventually be what they are meant to be: together. While we know that Aziraphale and Crowley will end up together in a cottage in the South Downs, presumably in a garden, we don't know how we are going to get there. All we know of season three yet, especially since scripts are still being written as per Neil's Tumblr, is that Aziraphale and Crowley are currently not talking, that they will save the world and end up together. That's it, and that's all we're going to know for a very long time since these shows take a very long time to produce to the level of quality that we've come to expect from Neil and the team. That being said, we know that major character growth is going to happen for both of our protagonists. For Aziraphale, it seems safe to assume that he's going to learn how to be more independent and overcome his issues with his faith, which is currently centered in the institution of Heaven. Aziraphale's growth is going to be within his predetermined beliefs of what things should be vs what things actually are. Heaven should be inherently good, but it's not. Aziraphale should have no issues with the plans Heaven and Hell have concocted, but he does. That's what we can assume will push Aziraphale's story and character within the last season, and it's assumably going to be by himself. There aren't a lot of people who are going to be around him to help him in his journey outside of Muriel and eventually Crowley as they rebuild their relationship. Crowley, on the other hand, looks like his story will be primarily based on him building relationships with others and moving past his trauma. This seemingly will be through Muriel, Nina, Maggie, and then eventually Aziraphale. To best understand how these potential relationships, their growths, and even their conflicts will help Crowley grow as a character, it's best to look at them one at a time.

Let's start with Nina, the character that, on the surface level, mirrors Crowley. Nina and Crowley are parallels in terms of their personality. It's straightforward to compare the two of them and how they carry themselves. Both are protective and strong-minded and despite being tough on the outside, they have a lot of unresolved issues. It wouldn't be hard to believe that Crowley sees aspects of himself in Nina and vice versa. However, when we dig deeper, we see that Nina more or less mirrors Aziraphale in terms of her relationship with her abusive ex-partner. Like Aziraphale, Nina made excuses for how her ex-partner was treating her, often being manipulated into thinking she was the problem in the relationship. Nina knows what Aziraphale is going through and also knows how to put it in terms that Crowley will understand. It wouldn't be surprising sometime next season to see Nina talk about her experiences in her past relationship in a way that helps Crowley understand not only her past but also Aziraphale's. One of the largest roadblocks within Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship is that Crowley doesn't understand the relationship that Aziraphale has with Heaven because it's so different from his own. Crowley, since his fall, knows that Heaven is toxic. They can punish those who don't deserve it, and they, as an institution, cause a lot of harm. He knows that, has witnessed it firsthand, and has recognized the systematic issues that are constructed within the framework. In modern terms, Crowley has seemingly deconstructed, despite the fact that he still holds faith in God. This is a large gap from where Aziraphale is in terms of his journey and relationship with these institutions, something that Crowley has a hard time comprehending. He doesn't understand what Aziraphale's relationship with Heaven is really like and thus doesn't see Aziraphale's actions through the lens of someone in a toxic relationship. Rather, based on his prior experiences, he believes that Aziraphale could never love him or choose him because he's a demon; he's fallen. To Crowley, Aziraphale rejected him for the same reasons why God and Heaven rejected him: he wasn't good enough. Nina's storyline matches well to help Crowley understand where Aziraphale is coming from and why he has acted the way he has, and it helps him make sense of their situation. I believe that Nina will help be the person who gets Crowley to a place where he can help navigate working with Aziraphale to save the world through a close-knit friendship that we've already seen the fandom begin to speculate about.

Another interesting dynamic I'm excited to see develop next season is Crowley and Maggie. Like Nina, Maggie, at first glance, appears to fulfill the role of Aziraphale's parallel as the kinder, more cheerful member of the duo. However, as many others have pointed out, she's a better parallel for Crowley in terms of her role in the plot. Maggie is deeply in love with Nina. Unlike her past partner, she cares for her profoundly and respects her. With Nina and Maggie, it's a partnership, not a hierarchy. And like Crowley, she waits as long as necessary until the person she loves is ready to begin that relationship. Unlike Nina, I don't necessarily think that Crowley and Maggie are going to be the best of friends. Maggie has a lot of traits that Crowley will probably see Aziraphale in, such as her kindness, her affection for specific things like records or books, and the odd quirks that she's expressed throughout the second season. Those aspects of Maggie will both be comforting to Crowley since they reflect traits his own best friend had/has, but they'll also be reminders of Aziraphale. The two won't be attached to the hip, but they'll have this mutual understanding. Through Maggie and her relationship with Nina, which may be established by the time season three starts, Crowley might see glimpses of what he and Aziraphale could have if they worked out their differences.

That being said, there could be room for conflict and resolution within their friendship. I wouldn't be surprised if we saw, at least once, Maggie trying to talk to Crowley about Aziraphale and him pushing her away, saying she knows nothing about them or him. It wouldn't be unlikely to see him make some snarky remark about how he got abandoned the last time he followed her advice and tried talking. And it wouldn't be unlikely for this to lead to either Maggie or Nina confronting Crowley about how he reacts to things, inherently pushing people away out of anger rather than communicating, and how that probably drove Aziraphale away- most likely in the heat of the argument. While this may hurt Crowley at the moment, it could act as a springboard for some self-reflection needed for his growth and to complete his arch.

Muriel is also another character who may, and most certainly will, have a complex relationship with Crowley. I've heard a lot of people discuss these points, so they won't be new, but Crowley will be initially hostile towards the young angel before eventually warming up to them. Muriel will initially stand as a reminder of what happened between Aziraphale and Crowley. Crowley will look at Muriel, at them running Aziraphale's bookshop, and be instantly reminded of why Aziraphale isn't there. At least initially, their mere existence will be a reminder of Aziraphale's absence, and he will be furious at them for it. He will most likely use them to grieve the relationship that he lost, the one that got away. But I think there will be a couple of ways that Muriel helps Crowley along his journey. Firstly, in combination with Nina, Muriel will help Crowley understand where Aziraphale was coming from, even if his actions were misdirected. I think they will do this by displaying their newfound love and admiration for the world around them. As many have pointed out when discussing this potential plot point, this is Muriel's first time on Earth, and they are mesmerized by everything they see. They will be amazed by everything around them, even the ugly parts, and probably filled with questions about how the world works. This will resonate with Crowley, perhaps showing him aspects of who he used to be and helping him remember what this has all been for in the first place. Muriel will help him remember why he and Azirapahle saved the world in the first place and potentially give him the drive to save it again. Initially, like Nina and Maggie, I think Muriel will push Crowley and Aziraphale back together. Muriel is the only connecting point between Aziraphale and Crowley at this point, primarily because of their new role as the bookshop keeper. Through their role as this bridge for the two of them, Muriel will get them to reflect on what they love about the world and their love for each other. I would bet that Muriel, at least once, asks Crowley about his feelings for Aziraphale or points it out like Nina did, and I think that will cause Crowley to spiral into readmitting to himself that he did love Aziraphale that he still does, even if he's angry at him.

Lastly, Aziraphale. We already know that the beginning of their reconciliation is going to be a literal shit show. I am still determining how or when these two will find their way back to each other, which is primarily why this section is so short, but I have a hunch that it will be a slow-burn-ish subplot throughout the season. They're both probably going to be angry at each other at the beginning, but then put aside their differences to save the world. No matter what, through the help of the other characters and their respective relationships with them, the two will slowly find their way back to each other. I think it's going to be a season full of them essentially talking to each other in the ways that couples in couples therapy talk to each other, but I also think it's going to be a season of them falling in love with each other and learning how to express that love within their new dynamic. I think after years apart, under these new circumstances, they will be reminded of what they love about each other and the place of salvation their relationship has been for them. They will fall back into their banter, bickering, and longing glances, but they will get it together at the end of it all.

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meiishu · 1 year

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i have a theory on wylan and kaz in shadow and bone (the show)

Contains major spoilers for six of crows book if you havent read that and dont want spoilers about wylans backstory keep scrolling!

Rewatching episode 2 and im at the scene where the crows are at the diner, and kaz is teling the others that they cant just kill rollins. When kaz says “killing him wont clear our names…. and then we wont be able to protect you” he looks right at wylan who flinches back. I didnt catch it on my first watch (interpreted it as him talking to both wylan and nina in general) but now my brain is whirring

I think that, if we get the ice court heist, we are going to learn that wylan struck a deal with kaz for protection when he left his fathers home. If they stick as close to the book as possible for his backstory, then wylans dad tried to have him killed because he was in jan van ecks words “an embarrassment”. So when wylan escapes his fathers hired hands in the books he is protected by kaz *because* kaz knows who he is and decides to enlist the dregs protection on him since he thinks a merchers son could be useful

However

In the show, kaz doesnt run the dregs, i believe he just ran the crow club (evidenced by him first meeting and striking a deal with per husksoll in the early episodes of season 2). He wouldn’t have had the means or the power to just decide to protect this random boy who showed up in the barrel without a reason for it, even if he thought he might be useful someday

So i believe in the show, after he escaped his fathers hired help, wylan found kaz and struck a deal with him for protection from his father. And so in exchange, kaz can go to wylan for the bombs he needs, even though wylan doesn’t *really* want to help because he doesnt like what kaz uses them for. This would set up:

A) kaz knows wylans true identity. Hes always known since before even season one and also this is how kaz and wylan are already on personal terms AND how kaz knows he can trust the things wylan makes for him despite wylan’s reluctance to help

B) wylan’s hostage moment in the ice court heist. Although in the books its kind of surprising to the whole crows that jan van eck actually doesnt miss or care about wylan, the show could deviate slightly from this, or kaz could figure out the truth but not tell anyone and use it as his plan to expose jan van eck especially if jan tries to pull the pity card for his son

C) when it does come out that wylan is a van eck, especially since jesper doesnt know, when jesper finds out that kaz knew the whole time i can see that causing a huge rift between them, especially if kaz planned to use wylan as bait and *especially* if wesper is in an established relationship. Not only would jesper be upset if wylan volunteered himself for this, but that kaz even tried this at all when he knows that wesper is together. It will feel like such a betrayal to jesper. *especially* if the show has kaz almost coerce wylan *into* being bait — although i lean more towards wylan volunteering himself because i feel as though he would do that knowing kaz’s plan. Plus, wylan and kaz working together to one up jan??? PLEASE

Sorry for ranting on main cant help it im in shadow and bone brainrot i need the ice court heist and wylans backstory SO BADLY s&b NEEDS to be renewed

Also i just want to say that i highkey LOVE that wesper will be an established relationship going into the ice court heist. We have slow burn with kanej and helnik and certain scenes will hit so much harder with wesper as an established relationship. I cant wait to see how the show takes their story from here tbh since now we’re very deviating away from the books

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone season 2 #wylan van eck #shadow and bone spoilers #wesper #wylan hendriks #s&b fantheory #kaz and jesper #kaz and wylan #mac speaks #fantheories

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jahayla-parker · 1 year

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For our favorite bastard, Kaz Brekker.

A reader with a touch aversion of her own, Kaz is just fascinated and is slowly falling for her, however, he tries to hide it but everyone sees except the reader.

Emotional Intimacy: Kaz Brekker x Reader

Description: 9.7k wc, y/n and Kaz both have touch aversions, meanwhile they’re pinning for each other

Warnings: SoC typical triggers/topics, PTSD, touch aversion, violence

“Jesper don’t get distracted by the tables” Kaz warned after giving Jesper his assignment for the upcoming heist.

Jesper sighed but rolled his eyes, “I can control myself”.

“That is up to interpretation” Kaz remarked, causing y/n to bite her lip as a small squeak of a giggle escaped her mouth.

Kaz looked her way and nodded once, “moving on, y/n you will be handling Dante Winslow. Keep him distracted and away from Jesper, Inej, and Nina while they locate the chest.”

Once y/n nods her head in understanding, Kaz faces the others.

“How are you going to distract Winslow hmm?” Jesper teases, earning a glare from Kaz at the distraction.

Y/n shakes her head and laughs quietly, understanding his weak innuendo but still finding humor in the wiggling of his eyebrows.

However as Jesper keeps making remarks under his breath, the girl forces the laughter in a nervous manner.

She no longer found it funny, in fact she was worried that Kaz’s plan would rely on something related to Jesper’s jokes.

How was she to distract this man?

Surely she’d have to at least touch him.

The thought made her chest cave in towards her spine, her gloved hands gripping the chair.

“Enough of that Jesper” Kaz says, making Jesper’s eyebrows immediately stop moving as if Kaz’s voice had the power to stop them itself.

Jesper smirked at Kaz’s protective and jealous response.

“The rest of you will be with me at his daughter Constiana’s house, where the jewels should be” Kaz notes, watching their reactions closely as he always does.

“Wylan will get us in. Time is crucial on this, we won’t waste it picking the lock” Kaz explained, although no one was sure why.

Kaz never explained anything, so why now?

The hesitant look on the other crows’ faces suggested they wondered the same thing.

“Matthias, you’re in charge of moving her bed out of the way. The latch to the basement, where the jewels are, is said to be under the bed” Kaz says, rolling his eyes as Nina smirks and whispers something in his ear.

He assumes he does not want, nor need, to hear what the comment was.

“And Ms. Winslow won’t hear my explosives as we enter?” Wylan asks once he notices Kaz has finished assignments.

“Constiana herself should be at the party in her fathers manor, and so long as her father doesn’t see anything as being off, we’ll be fine” Kaz says, facing y/n.

Y/n sinks lower in her seat unconsciously.

To be fair, it was a minimal slouch, not easily perceivable to anyone other than Kaz.

Kaz raises an eyebrow as he watches her closely, “y/n? Are you paying attention?”

Y/n swallows and nods an excessive amount of times, only making Kaz’s eyebrow arch closer to his hairline.

“Relax y/n/n, you’ve got this!” Jesper smirks, “just a little suggestive hand holding or running your hands down his chest and with how hot you are, he’s bound to forget any worries”.

She knows he’s trying to help and is giving her a compliment but all she can do is nod.

No one is quite sure if the nod is in response to Jesper’s suggestion or Kaz’s question, having come too delayed to respond to either in a normal manner.

“Are we done?” Y/n asks.

Kaz’s eyes leave her frame for a split second as he reviews his notes and blueprints.

“Yes, we’re done. Go to your rooms, we leave at two bells after” he commands, watching as his crows stand.

He notices the way in which y/n is not only the first to stand, but also the first to leave, being in such a haste that she beats Jesper.

Kaz registers that as both impressive and odd.

Especially given Jesper had been given a credit for the tables tonight to ensure he got it out of his system prior to the heist.

He’s not sure why he grabs his cane and exits his room behind the crows.

He’s already completed his rounds for the night, established and notified the chain of command for when he’s gone for this heist, and just finished explaining the plan to those involved.

So, the entire walk down the hall, he questions why he has this feeling like there’s something he still has to do.

It’s not until he reaches y/n’s door, his fist already mere inches from touching it to knock, when he notices where he was heading and what he was doing.

If he’s at y/n’s door, it must mean the concerns he had during the meeting weren’t as pushed out of his mind as he thought.

Which must mean he’s either there to check on her or to ensure she’s not going to ruin his plan.

Surely it must be the second one, Kaz concludes.

He knocks on the door, heading a scoff and groan come from the other side.

“I figured you’d be here to yell at me. About time” y/n complained, opening the door to let him in.

“How did you know it was me?” Kaz asks.

She raises her eyebrows at him, nodding towards his cane, “it has a very unique sound Kaz. You know that”.

He nodded, “does it scare you?”

She laughs sarcastically, walking to sit on her bed, “no, why would it? Are you planning on beating me with it over me finding Jesper humorous earlier?”

Kaz glares at her as his heart spasms for a reason he cannot determine, “no. Why would you think I would? Is it me?”

Y/n pulls her hair back into a tight ponytail, ensuring she’s got each wisp tucked neatly away.

A method of feeling in control of her body.

“I don’t Kaz, it was a joke. That would have been a bit of an overreaction no? And, is what you?” She asks, her gloved hands dropping to her lap.

Kaz takes a hesitant step forward, uncertain how she’ll respond.

“What you’re afraid of” Kaz says, “is it me?”

Y/n pauses for a moment, Kaz taking it as his signal to stop approaching her.

“No Kaz, it’s not you” she says quietly.

She watches as Kaz stares at her silently, as if trying to analyze if she is being truthful or not.

“No need to think so highly of yourself Kaz” she scoffs, “besides, such abuse won’t work on me”.

Kaz nods, “I know. I’ve seen you willingly be around Jesper when he was trying out his back up revolvers. Unlike the other crows, you hadn’tstepped away to increase your distance from him”.

While at first she’s surprised he noticed something like that, she quickly reminds herself that it’s his job to do so.

“If I recall, you were with the others yourself Kaz” y/n smirked, changing the subject.

“Clearly you’re not afraid of sharp objects given your specialty” Kaz continues, slowly getting closer again, “I’ve also seen how you have no problem helping Wylan assemble his explosives”.

Y/n nodded once and shrugged, “your point?”

Sighing, Kaz allowed himself to sit in the chair several feet from her bed, “everyone is scared by something”.

“And you Kaz?” She argued, “if you so desperately need to know mine, I demand to know your’s”.

Although, she has a feeling she knew.

She felt she knew as soon as she met him and saw his gloved hands and the way he suddenly began sweating when a man (she later learned was a guard for the crows’ mark on that mission) he’d struck grabbed at Kaz’s neck as he stumbled to the ground.

Kaz glared at her from his spot on her chair, “I don’t take orders”.

“That’s fine, but neither do I. I am here on the basis that while I trust your plans, I will not be controlled by anyone. If that arrangement has changed or is no longer an option, I’d advise you let me know” y/n defends, her argumentative and self-protective traits increasing in her attempt to defend herself from his questioning and the panic over the idea of being under someone’s control again.

“It has not” Kaz answers, resting his cane across his lap.

“Good. However, that begs the question… I don’t recall asking you to question me on my fears, nor part of our partnership of me being one of your crows, making answering such questions a requirement” She retorts, standing up to walk to her dresser to begin getting ready.

“I never said it was” he sighs.

“So what? You just expected me to blurt it out to you if you asked?” Y/n laughed.

And while the laughter was directed at him, and the angst that came with her insinuation that she considered that idea ludicrous, he couldn’t help but feel more tranquil.

Her genuine laughter had always been a source of calm for Kaz, and it seemed this was no different.

Although, her smile, not the forced one she often had to use, or the faint one she offered her friends that Kaz assumed to be sincere but still didn’t touch her eyes, was also a source of calm for him.

And he’d much rather her smile than laugh at him, especially over his hope that she’d open up to him.

After all, that’s what it was, right?

He knew she wouldn’t answer, in fact he was pleased she didn’t.

While he wouldn’t, others certainly would love to use that fear to their advantage.

But that didn’t mean he hadn’t hoped she’d tell him. Maybe he could help.

Instead of thinking about and analyzing why exactly he wanted to help, he opted for the first believable explanation he could think of, it was important to the succession of their heist.

If he could help with her fear, there’d be less barriers or risks for their heists.

However, what that explanation failed to account for was that neither y/n nor her secret fear(s) had ever jeopardized a mission in a way Kaz found distinguishable from that of general bad luck.

Yet, he chose to go with that explanation while also ignoring her question.

“You said the reason you accepted becoming a crow was because you trusted my plans” Kaz points out.

“I did. It is” she said, laughing softly, “no, my fear is not that I made the wrong choice or that I suddenly fear you cannot for a good plan Kaz”.

He nodded calmly, “pleased to hear that. Nevertheless, you questioned my plan today”.

“I do not recall doing so. Perhaps I need sleep if I can’t even remember doing that” she laughed weakly, Kaz noting how fake and forced it was, “if you’re so worried I am doubting you, maybe it is best I stay here and sleep. Letting inej take my place”.

Kaz opened his mouth to argue but noticed how her hands shook as she removed her gloves and attempted to switch earrings to the ones they got for today.

He understood the need to remove the gloves she always wore, he himself had to remove them occasionally as it made it hard for him to manage tiny objects.

However, he wasn’t sure why her hands shook.

Maybe she wasn’t eating enough, or was really tired after all.

As she switched to the other ear, concern overtook Kaz’s mind once again.

For, he realized the shaking didn’t start until she touched her earlobe.

In fact, she barely brushed her fingertip over it as she pushed the earring in, her hand flinching away right after.

He might’ve normally brushed it off as odd but not noteworthy had he not been as concerned as he was tonight.

The concern heightened his attention to detail and allowed him to see how controlled she was.

She even had her flinching hidden decently, and should someone not be paying as close attention as he was tonight, or not have understood what it was like to not hate the feeling of skin on skin contact, they likely wouldn’t have noticed.

He knew it meant she’d been facing this burden for awhile.

He so desperately wanted to push these thoughts away.

The feelings of concern for her, even before understanding what was going on.

The fact his concern only grew when he did.

The fact he wished he could fix it for.

The voice that reminded him how idiotic that was since he too was broken.

How could he help her if he couldn’t help himself?

And why did he want to?

The earlier explanation, or rather excuse as he now realized it to be, no longer was reasonable to him.

It couldn’t be about the heists or the crows’ success.

If it was, he wouldn’t have been as successful this entire time himself.

Plus, he was a prime example of how little it mattered when one could simply apply gloves and cover every inch of their body so it wasn’t possible to be triggered.

“Is that what you would like?” He asked, offering a minuscule curl of his lips to reassure her when she widened her eyes and spun to face him.

“Would you like to stay behind tonight and have Inej take your position?” Kaz elaborated to clarify his question.

“Nina would likely be a better replacement in that department” y/n said, her voice showing her appreciation despite her best attempts to sound strong and unaffected.

Kaz nodded and stood, placing the bottom of his cane back on her floor.

“Nina it is” Kaz stated, turning to exit.

“Wait, Kaz?” Y/n asked, hating herself seconds later.

He turned and nodded, signaling her to continue.

She hated the look in his eyes, feeling it suggested she was weak.

So instead of thanking him as she planned, she pointed to her ears.

“Won’t she need these?” Y/n asked.

Kaz seemed to scowl at the idea and shook his head, “she’ll manage”.

“But weren’t they purchased for the sake of tonight?” She pressed, hoping it covered her hesitation to remove them for fear of having to again touch her own skin without gloves.

“That is irrelevant. Do with them as you wish “ he advised.

She slowly nodded, “okay”.

“Is that all?” He asked.

She knew she should still thank him, even if he pitied her.

His pity seemed ironic since she was sure he had the same struggle.

But thanking him for this act or calling him out on why he of all people shouldn’t pity her meant she’d be exposing her fear.

She couldn’t do that.

She knew it could easily be manipulated, which in some way was an even bigger fear.

She doubted Kaz would do that, especially as at least some part of him had to understand how cruel that would be.

Plus, despite her best attempts not to, she often found herself realizing ways in which Kaz was not as harsh and unkind as people made him out to be.

However much he tried to make himself out to be.

But she couldn’t risk him knowing her fear and how much it impacted her.

He was too confident in himself but untrusting of others.

So while he may deal with the same problem, it seemed plausible he’d see her as a liability about to explode like one of Wylan’s explosives while not seeing himself in the same light.

Knowing she had not said anything to answer him, she spoke up, “and you want me to stay behind?”

“Is that not what you requested?” He asked, tilting his head to the left slightly as he watched her, “to stay behind in order to catch up on sleep?”

She was glad to not have the role she earlier had, but she also didn’t want him to see her as weak even if she’d been the one to suggest she needed sleep.

Plus, she didn’t want to miss out just because she couldn’t physically touch the person.

She bit her lip, “I mean, I’m strong, I can push through”.

She failed to come up with an excuse as to why she could and should still go but in a different way.

“I never said you weren’t y/n” he remarks, “I know you can. I wouldn’t have offered to have you become a crow if I thought otherwise”.

She smiles a small but genuine smile upon concluding he was being honest.

“Is this your way of stating you intend to still attend the heist?” Kaz asks.

“Am I allowed to?” She responds quietly.

Kaz smirks and raises his eyebrow at her, “allowed? I recall our, partnership as you put it, prohibiting such”.

She laughed and shook her head as Kaz’s lips curled slightly, “I suppose I’m used to you disregarding anyone’s suggestions towards your plans”.

Kaz raised his eyebrow again, “I’ve done that to you, have I?”

Y/n paused for a moment before shaking her head, “my apologies Kaz”.

Kaz offered her a teasing yet, somewhat soft, smirk, “I wasn’t asking for an apology y/n. I simply needed to ensure you were aware I would not do that”.

Her lips part ever so slightly as she takes in a deeper than normal breath of air in shock at his statement.

“I…” y/n clears her throat, “In that case, yes. But I still believe it would be best for Nina to attend in my place”.

If she hadn’t known him long enough, y/n would’ve thought Kaz’s smirk was nearly turning into a smile.

He nods once at her before again turning to leave.

She knows she should leave it at that, after all she got what she wanted.

And, he swore he hadn’t thought she was being weak even if she’d wanted to stay behind.

So, she wasn’t sure why she spoke up before he could exit the room, but she did.

“Kaz” she said, waiting until he paused his departure for her to continue.

“It’s just that… well Nina is better at the whole distraction by flirting thing” y/n says, sliding her gloves back on, “and, I… think… while I can push through without compromising the plan, I’m not a great dancer as is and … while being tired I might trip up even more and irritate Winslow”.

It was a blatant lie, an attempt to cover up her fear, and Kaz knew that.

Yet, he nodded as if he believed her, “I understand. I too think it would be better this way”.

With that he left and went to gather the others to explain the change in plans, his mind already having concocted a back up option that ensured y/N’s touch aversion wouldn’t be triggered.

Y/n turned to her dresser, sliding her fingers back into the gloves before tugging the earrings out.

It was a lot easier to remove them than to put them in.

She normally had either no earrings or these plain ones that were rather easy to put in with gloves on, but she didn’t bother to put them back on.

It wasn’t that she couldn’t touch anywhere on her own body, just certain areas.

The face, and namely her neck, was a large trigger for her when it came to bare skin contact.

So much so that she’d sleep with the gloves on, tired of waking up to an anxiety attack from her bare hand accidentally brushing against her bare neck when tossing in the middle of the night.

Opting to not push her already high anxiety by putting other earrings turned out to be a good plan because it was mere seconds before Jesper was banging on her door, yelling that Kaz was holding a meeting.

Great, she hadn’t even considered him needing to explain the change of plans to everyone.

She took a deep breath, wrapped her signature scarf back around her neck and joined Jesper in the hall.

She listened silently as he muttered all the way to Kaz’s door about being taken from the gambling tables with a few kruge left.

“You could save it you know” y/n laughed as she opened the door.

“Where’s the fun in that?” Jesper sighed, popping down in a spare seat.

“In what?” Kaz asked sharply, glancing from Jesper to y/n, something akin to concern lingering behind his glaring eyes.

“Saving his remaining kruge” y/n explained, offering Kaz a kind smile although she hated the idea he was trying to protect her.

She didn’t need to be protected, especially from Jesper.

Maybe she should’ve just gone with his original plan, even if it caused her to want to scratch her way out of her mind and then curl into a ball until she was so small if she wanted to she could crawl inside of herself and sit in the very lungs that left her feeling like she was being burned and then buried alive.

Kaz’s glare fell and formed into a look of annoyance and judgment instead, something y/n was much more comfortable with.

Especially as she knew both were directly as Jesper, respectfully.

She knew it was only because while he’d never admit it, Kaz actually cared about Jesper and his gambling issues.

It was one of the things she admired about him.

She mentally shook her head, admired? She didn’t admire Kaz, right? Okay, maybe she admired things about him but not him, right? Certainly that was it she thought.

Besides, they were both averted by touch, it wouldn’t matter if she had admired him in that way.

“Anyways” Kaz’s voice boomed, quieting the side conversations among the crows.

“There’s been a change of plans” He stated simply.

Y/n wanted to slide down, out of her seat, and onto the floor, melting into the floorboards under his desk.

She was the cause for this, and they’d all see through the excuse she gave Kaz.

The girls had always been able to tell if she’d fallen behind on sleep.

When she’d miss some sleep, Nina could feel it and y/n wasn’t sure if Inej spied on her sleeping or could just see some change in y/n the others couldn’t.

The guys might not see through it as much, but it was still possible.

Especially because such a large deviation from the original plan usually required a more problematic concern that needed correcting.

Kaz noticed y/N’s stiffness in her seat as the crows started asking questions and he sighed.

Did she really think he’d just blurt out her fear?

Or that he’d not try and cover it better than she did tonight?

He knew what it was like to not want people to know, he would absolutely not be the one to expose her’s.

As such he’d already composed a lie to cover up the reason for the change.

He knew the lie would prompt teasing from Jesper and Nina later, but that was a burden he was willing to accept.

He wouldn’t accept y/n feeling out of place with the crows or otherwise fearful or triggered.

“Enough” he said, his gloved open hand slamming into the table making it echo.

“This change was vital” he said truthfully, “Nina, you will be the distraction tonight”.

As Nina’s eyes turned to y/n in question, before the others could also look at her, Kaz spoke up “no questions are allowed”.

“I’ve made this decision as y/n pointed out that Nina here is far more experienced in this task” He argued, “something I should’ve considered”.

In all honesty, he had considered it.

But he also considered the position to be the best for y/n prior to his knowledge of her touch aversion.

While he knew she was far more than capable of handling herself in nearly every situation that might arise.

So putting her with their biggest concern of the night made sense.

Another consideration was that while he knew this, he still had this desire to ensure her safety as much as he could.

He knew it was stupid to care so he often suppressed it as much as he could, but it showed itself, just in indirect ways.

Such as the plan had shown tonight.

He’d also wanted y/n with Winslow because he knew she was able to slash his throat in a split second if needed but she’d also be surrounded by guests.

Many of whom would have a problem with Winslow laying a hand on a girl.

So, if he’d suspected anything, not only could she defend herself if needed, but the crowd would serve as a deterrent, a safety measure as Kaz saw it, against Winslow retaliating on the culprit closest to him.

“As such, Nina can likely manage a longer distraction as well” he noted, “allowing y/n, Matthias and I to break into his daughter’s house unannounced”.

If he was being honest, this had been the original plan.

He’d only deviated for concern over y/N’s safety, hence why he wanted to have Wylan blow through the door rather than have y/n around Winslow long enough for Kaz to pick it.

“This will possibly grant us the chance to return for more items later if we’re lucky and all get away undetected” Kaz added, pleased with the grins he saw around the group.

He wasn’t lying about that, their hidden entrance and departure from the girl’s house and Winslow’s manor would leave them off anyone’s radar and allow them more opportunities later, and therefore more kruge .

Something he’d given up in his need to keep y/n in the safer spot for the night.

“Why wasn’t this the plan to start with?” Wylan bravely asked as Kaz waited for y/N’s face to show some kind of reaction to what he’d been saying.

“As I said, y/n pointed out some things tonight that made it more clear as to why this would be better” Kaz said, willingly accepting the fact that his crows might now have slightly less confidence in him.

Y/n tried to hide it but Kaz saw her eyes widen as she looked at him in shock before she gave him a grateful look and a small smile as to not have anyone notice their silent exchange.

Kaz pursed his lips and nodded before tilting the left corner of his lips upwards, “thank you y/n”.

She wasn’t sure what he was truly thanking her for.

She knew his thank you was genuine.

But while she wasn’t sure why he’d done it, she knew he hadn’t changed the whole plan so willingly just because she asked, right?

This was Kaz after all.

So that left the possibility of the thank you being for trusting him enough to show vulnerability even if she’d lied about the true cause of her vulnerability.

Or the possibility he was thanking her for telling him her fear despite her attempts not to.

She truly hopped it was anything but the second.

In reality, it was both, he’d appreciated her being vulnerable enough to admit she couldn’t do the role he assigned but he also now understood her fear which meant he could shield her from triggers now.

“Kaz?” y/n asked as they waited for Matthias to finish his lengthy goodbye sentiments with Nina before the group parted ways for the night.

“Yes y/n?” He asked, turning to look at her.

“Thank you. You didn’t need to cover for me” She said, shuffling her boots over the dirty ground.

“I know, but there was no need to tell them “ he said quietly.

She nodded and smiled at him, “okay. Thank you again”, feeling she’d uncovered another softer side to Kaz.

One that cared for her, and while she still resisted the feelings she felt towards him, she couldn’t help but smile at the implications of his concern.

“Y/n, you don’t need to thank me,” Kaz sighed, “not for doing my job”.

She sighed and nodded, her smile leaving her face.

She should’ve known, of course that was all it was to him.

She’d thought maybe he’d returned her feelings towards film, likely as reluctant as she was.

But she should’ve realized it was merely a measure to ensure the job went well.

That’s all she was to him, a tool he needed to ensure worked properly.

What she read as concern and care for her bad simply been Kaz performing maintenance on said tool.

“I don’t get a goodbye?” Jesper teased just as Kaz opened his mouth to respond upon seeing her smile fall due to his comment.

“Shut up Jes “ y/n laughed.

“Nope, come here” Jesper argued, going to pull her in for a hug.

Kaz’s cane struck down harshly between them, “get moving Jesper”.

Jesper rolled his eyes, “It’s just one hug”.

Kaz glared pointedly at him, “You’re already behind schedule”.

Jesper groaned and waved, shouting “no mourners” as he ran to his group.

“No funerals” y/n called back, earning a sly wink from him.

Did Kaz know?

He had to, why else would he have been so rash with Jesper like that?

“Kaz, we’re not behind schedule” y/n pointed out, looking at clock tower.

While she pleased to not have to fight her nausea and breathlessness again tonight, she needed to know if he had figured it out.

“We would have been” he remarked, starting to walk to their destination.

It was a lie, they both knew it, but neither said anything else.

——

“Did we account for this?” Y/n asks, noticing the neighbors of their target were spread throughout the street.

“They were to be at the party “ Kaz mumbled, his eyes staring into space as he breaks down each plan mentally to find the next best option given the changes today.

“What was plan b?” She asks, having a gut feeling she now knows why Nina was in this position.

“Does not matter” he remarks, earning a groan from Matthias.

“The hell it does, if we enter now as is we will be spotted and arrested or killed. Clearly you had a plan B what was it?” Matthias asks.

“A distraction” Kaz explains, glancing up at y/n when he feels her eyes burning into him.

She swallows thickly and nods, making Kaz’s eyes focus towards the center instead of his distant stare moments ago, as he silently questions what she’s doing.

“So plan b it is, what does that entail?” Wylan responds, looking around.

“Nina” y/n chokes out despite trying to sound self assure, “either another plague or other false panic I assume “.

Kaz nods his head once, looking around as he still calculates their next best steps.

“I could make a distraction a few stress over and meet you back at the slat “ Wylan suggests.

Kaz seems to ponder that thought but it’s clear it’s not the best option, and y/n knows why.

Especially if there should be some barrier to the jewels that requires an explosive force to penetrate or if they end up leaving something that poses a risk of being discovered -where Wylan’s skills would cover it as a fire rather than any trace tying the crows to the scene.

“No” y/n speaks up, causing Kaz’s eyes to snap to her with deep confusion and something akin to frustration or anger.

She realizes she’s the reason they’re in this situation, if Nina and her hadn’t switched they would’ve proceeded with plan b.

“I agree with y/n” Matthias says, “she and Nina changed, so since the demjin always has another plan, it would make sense to have y/n cause the distraction here”.

“Absolutely not” Kaz growled, glaring at him.

“I do not want to hear it Fjerdan” he adds when Matthias raises his eyebrow at him and began to argue.

“Y/n can handle it, right?” Matthias asked, raising his to pat her back.

"If you so much as lay a finger on her, I will break each finger, before dislocating them and then have Inej remove them effortlessly, so that you will never be able to again" Kaz threatened.

“He’s right” She spoke, voice shaking slightly.

Both Kaz and Matthias stopped their exchange of glares to face her, unsure who she was agreeing with.

“Who?” Wylan asks with a faint laugh, when neither guy responds and y/n hasn’t answered their unspoken question.

She swallows the bile in her chest and throat at the thought, “Matthias. It needs to be me. I -“.

“No” Kaz barked, glaring at her with one eyebrow raised in question.

“Kaz, I’m th-“ she argued, but her nerves were evident to him.

“I said no” Kaz responded, giving her an intense look that said he was not up for discussion, “we will not be doing that “.

She realized he had to know, why else was he doing this?

“Demjin” Matthias muttered under his breath.

Y/n glanced at Kaz in question but he simply shook his head and pursed his lips.

“So now what?” Wylan cuts in.

Y/n looks to Kaz who is still processing what to do.

He always had back up plans, but things had changed so much and gone against his plan that he was now trying to think of a course in which he not y/n had to touch anyone.

Y/n looked over to the neighbors as they’d gathered to discuss something as they stood around in a circle.

She took a deep but shaky breath and walked in that direction.

“Y/n” Kaz hissed, hoping to stop her verbally.

He was in his gloves as always but he didn’t know if that changed anything for her.

She shook her head, not looking back, “just be quick Kaz”.

—-

She walked to the closest man, tapping his shoulder as she pretended her legs were wobbly.

Fortunately she had her hands gloved as well, but that would only get her so far.

The man turned and smiled at her until he saw her fake swaying.

“Oh here ma’am, let me help you” he offered, causing the group to turn and face her.

She closed her eyes to try and ignore the revolting nausea and anxiety his grip on her arm caused.

She chanced a gaze to Kaz to signal now was the time and she noticed he already had the door open and unlocked, the others inside as he watched and waited for her.

She let out a sigh and stood up, parting herself from the man, “much better now. Thank you sir “.

“Perhaps I could-“ he began, putting his hand back on her arm but she shook her head to stop him from talking and tried to remove his hand.

“That won’t be necessary” Kaz’s voice boomed, suddenly next to her, “sir. Now I ask you remove your hand from my partner’s arm yes?”

Everyone knew Kaz was not asking.

But his choice of wording was interesting.

They were partners but not the way Kaz was trying to make it seem.

The man nodded once and promptly withdrew his arm.

Y/n nearly collapsed in relief.

Kaz nodded his head in their opposite direction, sending the guy off.

He turned to look at y/n, his eyes filled with concern and frustration.

“Thank you. Let’s continue shall we?“ she asked, not wanting him to read into the behavior.

——

“It’s a trap” y/n gasped, as they read over the notes they found in the daughter’s house.

Kaz muttered something, nearly crumpling the paper in his hand.

Even he hadn’t planned for this.

One of his dregs was involved with the daughter unbeknownst to any of them.

“Go” Kaz muttered, glaring at the notes.

“What?” Y/n asked quietly but the other two already left, obeying orders.

Kaz glanced over at her, “why are you staying?”

“I could ask you the same Kaz. I’m not leaving until you are” she argues.

Kaz groans, “I’m fine with -“

“With yourself getting hurt but not others, even if you pretend not to care. I know, now shut up and tell me what it is that is keeping us here still” y/n declares.

Kaz stares at her for a few seconds before smirking and nodding twice, “fine, very well. We cannot take the letter without leaving a trace. Do you see anything suggesting which dreg it is?”

He grabs one of the letters and reads it over, but the sender didn’t sign it; smart.

“Let me see it” y/n says, her gloved hands briefly touching his but neither pull back.

Kaz sees her tense slightly, as he himself does at the same time. But the gloves are enough for them both.

He watches as her eyes narrow at the paper and she clenches her teeth.

“It was Timo” she tells him, pointing to a line on the letter.

“He’s the only one who always messes up this euphemism” she sighs, “and he’s been talking to Liv about some girl lately.”

Kaz watches her, intrigued by how attentive she’s been.

He nods, “let’s go”.

She agrees and puts the letter back where it was before following him out.

“We have to let the others know” y/n says, keeping pace with Kaz’s hasty walk.

“I will, you go back to the slat and keep an eye on Timo to ensure he doesn’t flee” Kaz says but y/n can tell that’s not why he is giving her this order.

“I’m not going to babysit him. If he leaves, you’ll find him; we both know that. Why are you being such an ass and pushing me away tonight?“ she asks, still headed the same direction.

Kaz glances at her from the corner of his eye and shakes his head, “why are you being so noncompliant?”

She laughs, “need I remind you of our deal?”

“We did not make a deal for you to be this frustrating” Kaz groans, turning the corner to an alleyway.

“You would’ve spent who knows how long in there looking over that letter if it wasn’t for me so answer my question” she demands.

“I do not know what this will entail” he admits, looking over at her as they continue their journey to the other crows.

“I don’t need you to protect me Kaz, if that’s what you’re trying to get at” she states.

“I’m aware that I don’t” he says resentfully.

“Th-“ she begins but stops suddenly making Kaz turn to her.

She holds up one finger, tilting her head to the side towards another street just ahead of them.

Now that he’s not focused on hating himself for wanting to protect her, he is able to hear very faint footsteps from the other street.

He nods and copies her as they lean against the far wall, hoping their black attire will help them blend in.

Fortunately, it seems something spooked the person as they begin running and don’t bother checking their surroundings.

Kaz and y/n make eye contact to check on the other before they pick up their pace to make up the time lost.

—

Y/n gasps and stumbles as her feet slide to a stop before the scene.

It was a trap in deed.

Jesper had his hands tied behind him, but seemingly hasn’t stopped trying to flirt his way out of it.

Inej isn’t visible but likely nearby.

Nina hasn’t gotten caught yet somehow, and has his arm around her still as he shakes his head at the scene.

Kaz and y/n change a glance before sighing.

Kaz lifts his cane slightly as he prepares to use it as a weapon rather than for support.

Y/n takes a deep breath and grabs her weapon before rushing closer to the scene.

Inej takes this as her sign to begin, promptly throwing a knife into the guard holding Jesper.

Y/n removes his rope and runs to the next guard.

—-

“Kaz!” Y/n calls, taking out the man approaching Kaz from behind as he dealt with another.

Kaz nods at her with a thankful glance before resuming fighting.

“Nina, you okay?” Y/n asks, happy she’s away from now.

She nods, “how can I help?”.

“Run, join the others, make sure they’re okay. We’ll meet you soon” y/n advises.

——

“Come on” Jesper frowns as another set of guards come near their group.

“Just keep fighting Jesper “ Kaz orders.

“No really? I was going to sit down and surrender” Jesper says sarcasm and rolls his eyes.

Y/n ignores their bickering and heads up the staircase to see where all these new groups of guards are coming from.

“You don’t belong here miss” a man says as she rounds the corner at the top of the staircase.

She nearly jumps from being startled but y/n manages to stay calm.

Before she can come up with a lie, another guard must have overhead as he now shouts “she is one of them!”

Y/n pivots and sprints down the stairs back to the other three.

“Y/n watch-“ Jesper yells, firing his pistol at someone behind her.

But it was too late, before his bullet struck the guards chasing her, one managed to let out a shot and struck her side.

She sucks in a desperate breath of air, trying to ignore the pain for now.

——

The fighting was still going on when Jesper made his way back to Kaz to tell him about y/n.

“What?!” Kaz barked, “where is she?”.

Jesper watched as Kaz’s eyes became frantic and his head moved around so fast it gave Jesper secondhand whiplash.

“There” Jesper pointed to where inej was putting pressure on y/N’s side.

Kaz noticed the fear and nausea on her features as she tried to push away Inej’s hand.

Inej clearly assumed it was due to being groggy and in pain not a touch aversion as she refused and kept putting pressure on it.

“Don’t touch her” Kaz demanded, stepping next to inej.

“Bu-“ she began but y/n nodded.

“Please, I can bandage it enough” y/n offered.

Inej sighed, “okaaayy… just hurry we need to get out of here”.

The guards may have been dead or incapacitated for now, but they didn’t know how long that would last.

Y/n ripped her sleeve and tightly knotted it around her waist, grimacing at the pressure.

“Good?” Kaz asked, staring down at her.

She nodded, pushing up from the ground, “good. Let’s go”.

The four of them rapidly made their way to the exit, scanning for trouble as they went.

——

“Split!” Kaz shouted as more guards rushed towards them.

All four went different directions, requiring the guards to break apart as well.

Y/n gritted her teeth as she pushed herself forwards despite the throbbing pain in her side.

She knew the second she split from the others that it wasn’t a good idea; she should’ve stayed with one of them in case the pain slowed her down too much.

But she was trying to be less of a burden on Kaz tonight.

Kaz seemed to have agreed as suddenly he was at her side, “I didn’t mean you”.

“In my defense, you’ve been wanting me to split all night” y/n remarks.

“You’ve been shot” he mutter angrily.

“Oh wow, hadn’t noticed” she rolls her eyes.

“I shouldn’t h-“ he began but another large explosion went off only a few feet from them.

Kaz moaned loudly as he used his upper body strength to push himself off the hard ground against the wall he’d been flung into.

He had to keep moving, but more pressingly he needed to find y/n.

“Y/n?!” Kaz yelled, his head ringing.

Panic and bile rose when he didn’t hear a response.

Fortunately as he steadied his legs he found his cane, immediately grabbing it for support.

He then began stomping through the crumbled remains of what had been a store.

“Y/n?!” Kaz called again, the panic making his voice shake.

He heard some quiet coughing from his left.

“Y/n” he panicked, seeing her covered in more blood than before, barely keeping her eyes open.

He used his cane to push off of to get closer to her as fast as possible.

She coughed, her heavy eyes lazily looking up at him, “Kaz, I-“.

He shook his head, “don’t speak. You need your energy”.

She nodded once, her eyes closing more as she did.

“If you don’t keep your eyes open I-“ he began, voice tense.

“You’ll, what-“ she coughed when trying to give him a weak laugh, “kill me? They may beat-“.

“Do not finish that sentence. I will not hear it. You will be fine, we just need Nina” he argued, his eyes glaring at her for even suggesting it.

“She-“ y/n coughed, “need to-“.

Kaz clenched his jaw and nodded, “I know. We’ll figure that out when we get there”.

Y/n reluctantly nodded, attempting to push herself off the ground, but her side wound pierced her in the movement making her flinch and her legs gave out under her.

“Y/n, come on” Kaz ordered weakly, “now”.

She took a shallow breath, her lungs already hurting.

“Okay Kaz” she agreed, her voice cracking.

She managed to take a few seconds before her legs seemed to give out again.

Most people would have stuck their arms out until they grabbed her and kept her from falling, but Kaz wasn’t most people.

Most people don’t have a touch aversion; let alone one as severe as his.

He paused and watched as she collapsed to the cold ground, his heart plummeting with her.

Kaz scolded himself for not having caught her, held her up, or otherwise assisted her in getting home.

He kept mentally yelling at himself that he was weak and had to get over this fear.

He wasn’t sure how much time passed before he knelt next to her, his hands visibly tremoring as he went to pick her up.

The water in his chest was at full force already given how cold he knew she’d be, the thought of carrying her for blocks, and looking at her pale and bloody body collapsed on the ground; all taking him back to being unable to help those he loved and watching them die before him.

The bile in his throat threatened to burn its way out but he suppressed it as he decided this was the one chance he had to actually help her.

However, just as his gloved hand went to cup her side and the other to her leg, he froze again.

He wasn’t the only one here with a touch aversion.

While she hadn’t officially told him she had one, he knew.

It may have been a recent realization for him, but it was already engrained in his mind.

It was something he never planned on violating.

This whole time he’d been mad at himself for not being able to get over himself and his fear to help her when he was worried about her.

Yet, he hadn’t considered what she would want.

He hated the idea of violating her boundaries, but he also could not live with himself if he didn’t try to help her live.

Kaz sighed as he decided he’d have to possibly violate her trust and touch her.

While not ideal, he could live with her hating him, being scared of or not trusting him, etc.

But he couldn’t, wouldn’t, live with her dying; especially if he could do something about it.

Kaz slid one hand around her waist only for it to slip away.

Not from the water beating his chest or the burning acid in his throat.

Rather, she was bleeding too much and it made her clothes slick

Combine that with his leather gloves and you get a disaster.

He swallowed thickly as he fought his PTSD in order to try and touch her without his gloves.

——

“Saints!” Jesper shouted, suddenly in the same alley.

He ran over to y/n, immediately grabbing hold of her.

“Don’t touch her” Kaz grumbled.

“Kaz, she’s dying. Get over your jealousy!” Jesper scolded, scooping y/n into his arms.

“I’m not jealous Jesper” Kaz glares, but perhaps he was.

While y/n and Jesper may only be friends, and Kaz may or may not want more than that with her, he knew there was something Jesper could offer he couldn’t.

Sure she may not, and likely wouldn’t, accept an offer of physical contact; but Kaz couldn’t even offer it.

More frustratingly though was he couldn’t efficiently help her in a situation like this and Jesper could.

Kaz wanted to be the one who could help her.

——

When they got back, Kaz busted through the doors loudly, Jesper following closely.

Kaz drug his arm over the bar top, knocking glasses, bottles, alcohol, etc. all over the floor, shattering most items.

Jesper set y/N’s body down on the counter and looked at Kaz for suggestions.

“Where is Nina?!” Kaz demanded, but Jesper heard the fear lacing his sharp tone.

Jesper shrugged, “I only knew you guys were there because of the explosion”.

Kaz’s lips twitched as he fought to keep his calm.

He walked over to y/n and looked down at her, his right hand held inches over her body.

What were they going to do?

Even if they found Nina, she’d have to touch y/n.

And if y/n woke up during that, she’d have to deal with the panic and painful symptoms she and Kaz knew too well.

She may even push Nina away.

Normally she was good at masking her aversion, but given the blood loss it wouldn’t surprise him to see her react more defensively.

“What happened?!” Inej interrupted, running over to apply pressure to y/N’s side.

Again, Kaz reacted instinctively to the threat of someone crossing y/n’s unspoken boundaries.

“Inej, do not touch her” he ordered, his cane raising between the Suli girl and y/n.

“She’s bleeding!” Inej remarked, glaring at kaz.

“I said Do. Not. Touch. Her.” Kaz snapped, his anxiety, nausea, fear for y/n, and stress in full swing.

“Whatever your problem is with her Kaz, deal with it later, she’s bleeding and isn’t even awake!” Inej said.

“She is awake, just not responsive” Jesper clarified, pointing to y/N’s eyes that opened part of the way through their trip back.

Kaz bit the inside of his lower lip.

“Saints what is wrong with you two?!” Inej asked, pushing the cane aside.

“She tensed when I carried her” Jesper admitted, answering the question Kaz had been wondering as well.

“Because she’s wounded!” Inej explained.

“I don’t want to make it worse!” Jesper defended, his bloody hands in the air.

“You are both weak” Inej glared, tearing the fabric around y/n’s wound to see it better.

Kaz wanted to be mad but she was right; he was weak, too weak to help y/n.

Kaz watched as y/N’s head rolled to the side facing him just as he went to leave; unable to see her like this.

His concerned eyes caught her scared ones and he wanted to have the ability to comfort her somehow.

Just as Inej’s hand touched y/n, not even where the wound was, but instead to steady them both before she began, y/n stiffened and Kaz saw her stare become distant, a panicked watery look starting.

“Remove your hands from her right now or I will break every single finger” Kaz threatened, hating the pained and fearful look y/n had.

“I don’t know why you hate her so much, but if I don’t-“ Inej complained, not looking up at him.

Kaz’s gloved hand pulled her’s away.

“I don’t hate her Inej” he glared, his voice frail as he contemplated his next step.

What she was about to say was right, someone had to apply pressure for her to stay alive until Nina arrived.

But no one else had gloves on, or understood what she was dealing with.

Kaz hoped the gloves would help her accept what he was going to do.

“Back up, now” he ordered, Inej only moving away when Jesper nodded at her.

Kaz leaned closer to her, his voice so low it was almost nonexistent, “I’m sorry, I have to”.

He took one of the scraps of her clothing Inej tore and placed it over her wound, adding another barrier in hopes it would make it less difficult for her.

He then pressed his firm hand down onto her wound, his fingers stiff inside the gloves as he fought his own aversion.

Kaz paced back and forth in his room, his mind spinning.

Nina finally made it back to the slat and while she wasn’t sure why, not believing kaz’s argument that it was to prevent infection, she accepted his gloves and worked on y/n through the leather material.

She promised Kaz and the others that y/n would be fine, she just needed rest.

Kaz couldn’t help but feel guilty and stressed.

He felt responsible for the way it turned out, so he stayed distanced from her sleeping frame and the comparison to jordie.

He also wanted to be there for her, to make sure she did in fact wake up and was okay like Nina swore.

Hence why he was here, pacing towards the door only to change his mind and pace the other way; repeating over and over.

He swung the door to his room open milliseconds after someone knocked, having been pacing towards it at the time.

“She’s awake” Jesper smiled, giving Kaz a wink before sprinting back to y/N’s room.

Kaz let out a sigh and stepped into the hall.

“Hi Kaz “ y/n greets, making Kaz almost smile.

“Y/n” he greets, standing next to her bed.

“Nina why don’t we-“ Inej whispered, Nina nodding and following her out.

“I’m okay, you know” y/n promised, sensing his emotions.

He slowly nodded, “good”.

“Thank you” she said softly.

“For?” Kaz asked confused, sitting down on the chair next to her bed.

“I couldn’t speak or move, but you could tell what I was thinking and tried to help” she blushed, looking away.

Kaz is silent so she looks back at him and he offers her a half smile and a nod, making her smile.

“You know, don’t you?” She asked softly.

“I do” he admits, “they don’t.”

She nods, “thank you”.

He shakes his head, “it is not their business “.

She laughs softly, releasing some tension in Kaz’s chest, “still, thank you Kaz. And… I don’t know how to…”

Kaz raises and eyebrow at her and waits for her to continue.

“How to… ever thank you.. for what you did… I can’t imagine how-… I’m sorry…” she began, guilt showing in her tone.

Kaz sighed, the last thing he wanted was her feeling guilty for a choice he made for himself, and one he wished he’d chosen earlier.

“You do not need to thank me or apologize y/n” he says, trying to make his voice soft but it just comes out as more of a whisper in his normal tone.

“And yes you can imagine. You do it nearly daily. You see everyone’s needs and even when hard you do what you need to do to help them” he remarks, looking into the distance.

“If Jesper needs a hug to keep being his normal irritating self, if Wylan needs a comforting shoulder to rest his head on while he vents about Jesper, if Nina needs someone to try new hairstyles on so she can still have a normal hobby, if Inej needs a hug after a triggering event, the list goes on. You put others’ needs over your fear routinely y/n” Kaz notes.

Y/N’s eyes water as she listens to how closely he has been paying attention to her, seeing and memorizing things not required or related to either one’s job.

She smiles, maybe her feelings are returned after all.

She nods and smiles at him as a thank you for his reminder.

“You would have done the same thing if the roles were reversed” Kaz summarizes, “do not thank me”.

“And if I do?” She teases, tensely sitting up.

“I will begin taxing you” Kaz smirks but his eyes are focused on how stiff she is.

Y/n snorts, “taxing me?! That’s a bit rude Kaz”.

Kaz shrugs with a faint smirk on his lips.

“How much is the tax?” She asks, pouting.

Kaz shakes his head, “I’ll compromise. I will accept one, and only one, thank you. In exchange for you answering a question I have”.

“You already know my fear kaz” she responds.

He nods, “that’s not the question”.

“Okay, fine. Thank you Kaz, truly, I appreciate it even if you want to minimize the action” y/n says, adding as many words as she can since she’ll only get this one time to thank him.

Kaz’s pale skin over his cheeks seem to flush slightly as he nods, “now my question”.

“Shoul-… if something like this happens again, how do you want it handled?” He asks.

“You mean if I’m shot again and bleeding out?”She clarifies.

Kaz swallows the knot in his throat, “hurt. In general”.

“Hmm” she nods slowly, “I think I need to have you answer that for yourself as well”.

“That wasn’t the deal” Kaz groans.

“So maybe we need a new deal” y/n laughs.

Kaz suppresses a small grin and nods, “so be it. You answer and I’ll answer”.

By the end of their discussion, they’d decided that should it be a minor injury or something not time sensitive that they’d prefer to still avoid physical contact.

They’d also agreed that should the matter be life threatening or severe, physical contact from the other or another crow would be acceptable.

Kaz wasn’t a big fan of the last note but agreed after y/n pleaded him that she wanted to ensure someone could help him.

They also talked about trying to be more open to each other.

They were the only two who really understood what the other was dealing with and the limitations of that.

Kaz didn’t admit his feelings at this time, not wanting her to assume he only felt that way now that he knew they had the problem in common.

He knew if he was being honest, the situation intrigued him but he was interested in her before any signs of this shared aversion.

She deserved to know someone was with her for her not because they shared something like this.

He accepted to focus on his intrigue over the situation and try to help each other for now.

In other words, they found they may not be able to touch each other but they could still have emotional intimacy and grow together.

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