#my work days felt so lonely because the job didn't satisfy me and i felt so disconnected from social life bc of exhaustion and blandness | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

halsteadlover · 6 months

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𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞

*Gif and pic not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader.

• Requested: no.

• Summary: your life is amazing. You have everything you wished for, a caring and beautiful husband, a satisfying job, an amazing house. What if in a matter of seconds, your incredible fairy tale is about to take a tragic twist?

• Warnings: angst, mention of car crash, blood, wounds, curse words, death.

• Word count: 7580.

• A/N: Please don’t kill me. Y’ALL BETTER EAT THIS FIC UP BECAUSE I PUT MY BLOOD AND SWEAT AND TEARS (always pretty please). I hope you’ll like this piece I know I was heartbroken writing it. Drop a like, a comment and reblog if you want, it’d be amazing and so helpful. I apologize for any mistake or grammar error. Thank you so much as always for your support, looking forward for your opinion. ❤️

“Baby!”.

“Y/n!”.

“You hear me? Please answer me”.

“Please hold on, everything will be okay I promise. Please… Don't leave me.”

What was going on?

Why did you feel so weak?

Where was Spencer?

Your breathing was heavy, cold shivers ran through your body but despite this you couldn't move a single muscle even if you could feel your body waving to an unknown motion, like you were floating.

Am I moving?

You felt your eyelids fighting not to stay closed even if you tried with every fiber of your body to fight against that tiredness that wanted so badly to suck you into the darkness.

You were so afraid.

You managed to slightly open your eyes, only for a fraction of a second, and all you saw was a blinding white light that forced you to close your eyes right after. It was so strong you couldn't open them again.

What it was?

Was it heaven?

Were you dead?

“Please baby hold on, if you hear me please fight, I know you’re so strong. I’m begging you… Stay with me…”

Spencer?

Yes, there was no doubt that it was him even if his voice carried in the distance, each word fading further and further. You wanted so badly to answer him, to shout you were okay, that you could hear him, that you were there with him.

But were you really okay?

No, I’m not.

And the more you fought against the darkness, the more it sucked you into its heavy vortex.

You fought, you really tried, but you didn't have the strength. You were too weak, too tired.

You just wanted to rest for a bit.

God please let me okay.

You eventually gave up, stopped fighting and let yourself be lulled by that darkness.

It was so peaceful.

There wasn’t any more pain. Any suffering.

Maybe it wasn’t so bad.

Five hours earlier

“I really don't feel like going to work this morning,” your husband kept complaining. You were both still in your bedroom, you were sitting while Spencer was lying next to you, his arm around your hips and his head on your lap.

“Hotch will kill you if you take a day off without warning,” you giggled, running your fingers through his fluffy hair. “I also wish you could stay here love, I feel so lonely here without you. But unfortunately you can’t.”

Spencer huffed, holding you even tighter. “I know I'm so sorry baby, I hate leaving you alone. I'm always so worried.”

“Oh yeah I know, the three thousand texts you send me always asking me if I'm okay prove it.” You teased him and even though you couldn't see him you knew full well he rolled his eyes.

“Ah, ah, keep making fun of me,” he retorted. “Is it really weird I want to keep you safe?”.

“No baby, I was joking. You know very well I love you're so protective of me and besides, I’m okay, you don’t have to worry about me.”

He kept caressing your side, leaving a kiss on it at the level of your scar, a gesture that made your heart melt. He looked up at you and smiled before propping himself up on his elbows, resting his free hand on your face and pressing his lips on yours. A flock of butterflies exploded in your stomach.

It didn't matter how long you two were together, you felt the same butterflies, the same feeling as in the early days, he still managed to make your heart skip a beat with just a kiss.

God I love this man so much.

“What will I do without you?” Spencer pouted, already missing you before he even got out of bed and got dressed. “I just hope we won’t have any case.”

Spencer had left for work, but not before recommending you to call and text him if you needed anything. You reassured him, telling him not to worry, that everything would be fine and of course you wouldn't hesitate to call him.

You settled on the couch and spent the morning watching episodes of your favorite TV show which, although you loved it, was getting tiresome.

Three weeks earlier you had been injured on duty while chasing a serial killer who had shot you as he tried to escape.

You were fine but Spencer, being his overprotective self, refused to let you do anything that involved physical effort and prevented you in any way from returning back to work before the five weeks of rest recommended by the doctor. And it didn't help that Hotch agreed with him.

Spencer did nothing but text you all morning when he could, asking how you were as if you were in a hospital bed. You reassured him, sending him selfies of you lying on the couch, asking him how things were going at the unit.

You loved Spencer so much, you loved the way he always protected you, the way he was so thoughtful of you, the way he always put you first in any moment and situation.

The morning was rather boring so you decided to keep yourself busy with cooking something for lunch, that you wanted to bring to Spencer too since you missed him and didn't want to wait until the evening to see him again. But you also wanted to see the rest of the team again. You hated to say it, but you missed those assholes.

As you packed your and Spencer's lunch, your phone vibrated on the table.

From: Spence 💍, 12.47 AM Is it weird I miss you so terribly? I'll never get used to not seeing you here.

You smiled like an idiot, knowing how much Spencer wasn't a fan of technology but despite this being committed to use it since you couldn't live without it.

To: Spence 💍, 12:50 AM Have I ever told you I’m so madly in love with you Doctor Reid? I miss you so much more xx

You placed your phone on the table and continued putting away your lunch. When you finished, you grabbed some clean cutlery and paper napkins and then looked at your phone, noticing he didn’t answer your text yet.

You left the house after making sure you locked the door, you went to your car, pulling your phone out of your purse to send an audio message to Spencer.

“Baby don’t eat anything because I'm coming with your favorite food. It's a little burnt I have to admit, but in my defense I was distracted watching TV,” you let out a small laugh. “If you know what's best for you, you'll better say it's delicious or you'll sleep on the couch tonight. I love you so much, see you soon!”.

You got into your car and placed the two lunch boxes on the passenger seat. While driving, you were careful not to brake suddenly to avoid all the food spilling into your car.

You stopped at a red light and you took you phone to see if Spencer had texted you back but he didn’t.

The light turned green after almost thirty seconds and you placed your phone in your purse again before starting to drive again. You were at an intersection and you just drove few meters before your saw out of the corner of your eye a car speeding towards you.

You turned your head towards it and tried to brake but you weren't very fast.

Everything happened quickly.

A sudden, deafening thud made your ears ring and time seemed to stop for an instant.

You didn't have time to react, to even let out a scream or do anything else before that car hit you full force on the side.

If someone had asked you to describe what had happened in that moment, you wouldn’t have been able to do it because you didn’t even know what had happened in the first place, having lost consciousness before you could realize you had just been involved in a car crash.

Spencer was unaware in the meantime his whole life was about to undergo something he’d never, ever want to face, something he continually lived in fear of happening.

He and the rest of the team were in the meeting room, investigating on a case of a serial killer that the police in a nearby town had asked for help with. It was a simple case, so it wasn't even necessary for the whole team to go there.

“Reid focus.” Hotch had warned him several times when during the morning he caught him on his cell phone, the small smile shadowed his lips making it obvious who he was talking to. So he had put his cell phone in his pocket although his mind always went towards you.

He wondered what you were doing although knowing you, you were probably watching some TV show and the thought of you lying on the sofa, curled up under the blanket made him smile, earning you a small pat on the back of the head from Morgan.

“Focus pretty boy, I know you miss your beautiful wife but we have a case to solve.”

This had started a series of jokes and teasing towards Reid who in response would gave everyone the middle finger.

The truth was that he missed you deeply, he missed looking up and seeing you sitting at your desk filling out some case report with your pen between your lips and the wedding ring shining on your finger, he missed flirting with you in a not-so-subtle way and being made fun of by the whole team, even Hotch. He missed traveling from city to city and working with you to catch ruthless killers, he missed seeing you sitting in your chair around the meeting room table.

He couldn't wait for those two more weeks to pass, although the worry you still hadn't fully recovered didn't leave his mind.

His phone suddenly started ringing and he muttered an 'excuse me' before taking it out of his pocket and reading your name on the screen.

He moved away from the others so he could answer the call.

“Hi baby! What...-” He started but stopped immediately after when a voice that didn't belong to you interrupted him, making the smile he had on his lips instantly disappear.

“Do you happen to know Y/n Y/Ln? We found this number among the emergency contacts.”

Spencer frowned, his heart already eating wildly and anxiety twisting his guts. “Y-yes. She’s my wife… What's going on? Who am I talking to? Where’s she? Is she okay?”.

“I'm sorry to inform you that your wife was involved in a car accident, she’s in serious conditions…”

Spencer froze in place, the man's words echoing in his head while he couldn't process them.

What the fuck?

“C-can you repeat that?” He stammered, hoping it was just a misunderstanding, that the man had gotten the wrong person. “There must be a mistake m-my wife… She’s… She’s at home…”

“I’m very sorry sir…”

Spencer Reid, who had always been a quiet, calm and collected person, completely lost his mind.

After getting the address of the car crash site he ran at lightning speed out of the unit, ignoring the voices of Derek and the rest of the team who called him worriedly.

His mind wasn't focused on anyone else but you and as he sped through the streets he couldn't help but think about what the hell had happened.

You were supposed to be home, on the couch watching TV. Why did you went out? Why didn't you text him?

His stomach clenched with anxiety, an emotion he wasn't familiar with but since he'd met you he often seemed to feel because of the constant and devastating fear something bad might happen to you.

He wasn't good with feelings, everyone knew it, but thanks to you he had learned to give voice to what he felt, he had learned to embrace those sensations and emotions he struggled to show from an early age and that for so long he wanted to suppress.

A lump kept pressing on his throat, almost suffocating him. He continued to murmur and hope you were okay but when he arrived at the scene his heart almost stopped again.

The car crash scene was a disaster.

Various passers-by had gathered in shock from a distance to watch curiously as the fire fighters and paramedics worked on those piles of scrap metal that were the cars.

They were completely destroyed and no one believed the two drivers had made it given the catastrophic impact.

Various emotions had passed through Reid, emotions that he could group into one word: dying. That’s how he felt, dying.

He pushed through the crowd of people, pushing them aside and ignoring those who complained in response. After identifying himself with the cops he ran towards the wreckage where the rescuers and firefighters had just pulled you out of the destroyed car.

“Let me go! That's my wife right there!” He continued to exclaim loudly while two cops struggled to restrain him. His gaze was fixed on you, on your unconscious body while the rescuers carried you on the stretcher.

“Sir you need to let the paramedics do their job! I know it's a horrible situation but this will only hinder them!”.

Spencer was a guy who didn't like conflicts but at that precise moment he was willing to kill those cops with his bare hands.

He snorted loudly, pulling out his badge. “I'm an FBI agent and if you don't let me go to my wife right now I will make your life a living hell and have your badges on my desk before tomorrow.”

It only happened very few times he’d threatened someone, and most of them were to extort information or to make a killer to confess, but the way his wild and desperate eyes were glaring at the two cops, made them understand he wasn't bluffing at all.

They eventually let him pass and he ran towards you.

You lay unconscious on the stretcher, your body covered in your own blood. You had an oxygen mask on your face, a collar around your neck to stabilize it and Spencer had to rely on all the strength he had in his body not to collapse there in front of everyone.

He couldn't believe it, he couldn't believe it was true.

He grabbed your hand with his, the diamond of your ring pressing against his palm. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, not wanting to let his emotions overwhelm him. He couldn't be weak, not now, not when you needed him.

“Baby!”.

He called your name, desperation clear in his voice. His eyes scanned your face, always beautiful as the sun even if dotted with scratches and bruises.

“Y/n!”.

He called your name again, with even more urgency and desperation, hoping that hearing his voice would wake you up.

“You hear me? Please answer me.”

“Sir we have to go to the hospital immediately. We have no time to waste.” The paramedic's voice brought him back to reality and Spencer nodded, never taking his eyes off you.

“Please hold on, everything will be okay I promise. Please… Don’t leave me,” he whispered to you before turning to the paramedics. “I’m coming with you.”

The journey to the hospital was the longest and most painful ride Reid had ever made in his entire life.

He never let go of your hand, occasionally kissing your knuckles as he carefully watched every little movement the paramedics made.

At a certain point his heart rekindled with hope when he saw your eyelids move and open slightly.

“Y/n baby! Can you hear me? Y/n!” He exclaimed but his hope faded when he saw your eyelids close a second later and you lose consciousness again.

“Please baby hold on, if you hear me please fight,” His eyes filled with tears but he tried to fight them back, this wasn’t the time to cry. “I know you’re so strong, I’m begging you… Stay with me… I'm here, I'm here, and I’m not leaving you. Everything will be fine, you’ll be okay.”

You had a cardiac arrest on the way to the hospital but they managed to revive you and needless to say, this freaked out Spencer even more than he already was.

You died in front of him.

For a few moments your heart had stopped beating and the terror Spencer felt was a sensation he had never felt before. Maybe only when something happened to you during the job. He had always told you that you’d give him a heart attack sooner or later.

When the ambulance arrived at the hospital, Spencer barely had time to say anything before the doctors rushed you to the OR, leaving him helpless.

He passed his hands on his face, then fingers in his hair as he tried to figure out what the fuck was going on.

He had heard the police say the driver that hit you had lost control of his car after feeling dizzy, failing to stop at the red light and hitting you while you had just started driving again after the green light.

You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It had all been a stupid twist of fate and now you had to fight to live.

Spencer didn't believe in fate, he didn't believe there was some superior being or entity, he believed in science, in empirical data, in theories proven by hypotheses and theses, but then why did this happen? Why was the love of his life fighting between life and death?

Why did it seem like someone or something wanted to snatch his happiness away when he was finally happy?

He walked back and forth across the floor of the waiting room for what seemed an infinite amount of time, almost digging a ditch in the wake of his footsteps.

He had called Hotch, told him about the car crash and that you were in surgery and he reassured him the whole team would be there in no time.

It wasn't until after you ended the call with Hotch that Spencer saw your last messages, including the audio text you'd sent him.

His fingers were shaking and he sat down, fearing his knees would give out sooner or later.

His eyes filled with tears again as they read the message and the chasm inside his heart opened even more. But it was when he listened to your audio message the air was completely sucked out of his lungs and it became difficult to continue breathing.

“Baby don’t eat anything because I'm coming with your favorite food. It's a little burnt I have to admit, but in my defense I was distracted watching TV,” He heard you giggle while in the background he heard the car door open and close shortly after, a sign that you had just gotten into the car. “If you know what's best for you, you'll better say it's delicious or you'll sleep on the couch tonight. I love you so much, see you soon!”.

Your audio cut out and Spencer only realized he was crying when tears fell from his eyes onto his phone screen.

He was completely devastated.

It was his fault.

You went out because you were going to bring him food.

He couldn't process what was happening, he couldn't conceive it.

How did you go from hugging in bed that morning to you in the OR? For what kind of fucked up reason did this happen to you? Among the many people who could’ve been at that damned intersection, why did it have to be you?

Spencer knew it wasn't right to hope it happened to someone else but he didn’t care, fuck, he wished it’d happened to himself.

For the first time in his whole life Spencer prayed.

He prayed with every fiber of his being to whoever was up there to make you survive, he prayed to be able to see you again, hug you, kiss you again. He prayed to hear your laugh again, your awful jokes, to see your smile and your eyes shining when you saw him, he prayed to be able to sleep with you again, to wake up in the morning and smell the scent of your skin and hair, of feeling your fingers run through his messy hair while you were watching a movie and he had his head resting on your lap.

He prayed to still have time with you. He prayed to start a family with you even though the thought of it terrified him because he had no idea how to be a parent, but at the same time knowing there was no other person he’d want to do it if not you. He begged to tease you when the first wrinkles would appear on your beautiful face but to console you at the same time saying you were still the most beautiful and breathtaking woman he had ever met in his life.

He prayed to see your hair turn white, to see your children have kids of their own, he prayed to hold your hand until the end of your days.

He couldn't imagine a place on the planet where you didn't exist, where you weren't with him.

You two just got married, you had just started your life together, it couldn't all just vanish like that, in the blink of an eye, it just couldn't end.

You were strong. This was one of the many qualities Spencer admired about you, you were much stronger than you wanted to show and if there was anyone who could overcome that obstacle it was you.

The rest of the BAU had arrived after about fifteen minutes, both with worried and heartbroken expressions on their faces except Penelope, who was crying almost as many tears as she had.

“Reid!”.

JJ's voice made Spencer snap his head up from his phone, not realizing he had been mesmerized by looking at the picture he had as his background. It was a photo of you he took during a picnic during one of your first dates after you got together, Spencer had told a horrible joke and you had burst out laughing.

Spencer was so hypnotized by you, by the sound of your laugh, by your smile, by the small wrinkles at the corners of your eyes that he couldn't resist taking a photo and since then it had become his wallpaper and one of his favorite photos of you ever.

Everyone could notice the swelling of Spencer's eyes, evidence of the crying.

“Come here pretty boy.”

Morgan was the first to approach Spencer, pulling him in a brotherly hug, squeezing him with all the strength he had in his body, as if wanting to convey to him some of that strength he knew he tremendously needed.

“She's gonna make it okay? We know Y/n, that woman is a force of nature. She’ll make it.” He whispered in his ear, trying to hold back his emotions.

Everyone tried to appear as strong as possible but the truth was they too felt a boulder pressing on their stomach. Before being Spencer's wife, his partner, you were a colleague, a friend to all of them.

Nobody said anything else.

There were no need for words, everyone knew it’d be of no use.

They all tried to comfort each other, Emily was holding Garcia's hand the entire time, JJ and Morgan were sitting next to Spencer while Hotch and Rossi were standing not far from the others, all silently praying for you wellbeing.

Reid's body was sitting in the waiting room, surrounded by his friends and colleagues, yet his mind was completely elsewhere. His thoughts ran and ran, without stopping, so fast he didn't know which ones to listen to first.

Spencer and the team spent hours sitting in the waiting room, waiting for some doctor to come and update them on your health. He hoped the longer they took it meant there was a better chance of you getting through the surgery.

When he saw a doctor approaching where they were sitting, it was as if a vision manifested in front of him. His heart was beating wildly, so loudly he thought everyone around him could hear it while anxiety twisted his stomach so much he feared he’d throw up on the doctor's feet.

“Are you Y/n Y/Ln's family?” the doctor asked.

“I'm her husband. How is she? Please tell me she's okay. When can I see her?” Spencer blathered once he jumped up and approached doctor - he read the card - Miller.

He looked skeptically at the rest of the team, and then Spencer spoke. “It’s okay, we’re all colleagues, a family. How is Y/n? She made it right?”.

Spencer observed the micro-expressions on Dr. Miller's face. He noticed how his eyebrows furrowed slightly, how his chest rose slightly and fell, how his lips pressed together, how his neck stiffened and his posture tensed.

He knew that expression, unfortunately he knew it too well because of the job he did. It was the same expression with which he looked at the victims’ families when he was about to give them the worst and most devastating news of their lives.

Spencer saw that but decided to ignore it, he decided not to listen to his guts.

“The patient suffered much more serious damage than we imagined…”

“And what are you doing here? Go help her!” Spencer exclaimed, abruptly interrupting the doctor.

“Due to the violent trauma and along with broken bones, the ruptured spleen, the liver damage as well as the amount of blood she lost, she had also suffered a dissection of the ascending aorta.”

Spencer's heart stopped.

“W-what? What does that mean doctor?” It was Penelope who asked.

“It’s the tearing of the aorta’s wall, the largest vessel in our body. It has weakened due to the trauma and it’s no longer able to pump blood towards the other blood vessels and consequently the entire body can’t receive enough blood. Trying to repair it’s practically impossible, as her heart has already stopped once, she’s too weak to face a surgery, and the dissection further aggravates the situation. She would die on the OR table before we can even get to the aorta,” Dr. Miller explained, trying to be as clear as possible.

“Dissection of the ascending aorta is unfortunately one of the most serious vascular conditions and… There is no easy way to say it, we have done everything we can but she does't have much time left. It's a matter of hours…”

A deafening silence fell in the waiting room.

Almost everyone put their hands to their mouths to try to cover the gasps and sobs, Hotch stared at his shoes while shaking his head in disbelief. No one could believe what they had just heard.

Spencer couldn't hear a word Dr. Miller said. His brain refused to process them, because it couldn't be true, there must have been some misunderstanding.

Maybe he had confused patient, maybe he had talked to the wrong family.

“No, no, no!” Spencer exclaimed loudly. Morgan put a hand on his shoulder but he shook it violently. “Don’t touch me!” Then he went on to point a finger at Dr. Miller.

“Say it again.”

“Sir…”

“Reid…” Rossi whispered.

“Say it again!” He shouted, his voice shaking. “Say it! Because there is no way on earth I just heard my wife is fucking dying! Say it again!”.

Spencer's voice cracked at the end and he burst into tears, bending to the ground as he felt his legs gave out.

Dr. Miller looked at Spencer with sadness while he was in the throes of disbelief and despair. Nobody dared to say anything, they too had to process that mourning, but they all knew that Spencer needed time more than anyone.

How do you react calmly when someone tells you that your partner, the love of your life, is about to die?

And it wasn't just any person, someone he just met, but you. You were dying.

Doctor Miller knelt in front of Spencer, placing a hand on his shoulder as he continued to cry all the tears he had in his body. “I'm so sorry, if there had been anything, anything we could’ve done to save her we would’ve done please trust me. I can't even imagine what you're going through right now but she's in the ICU now and she's awake, we gave her morphine so she doesn't feel any pain. Go and say goodbye to her, okay?”.

The world was collapsing on him, everything was disintegrating around him and he couldn't do anything to stop it.

How the fuck did this happen? How the fuck was that possible?

He couldn't believe it, he couldn't process what was happening.

It shouldn't have happened, not to you, you didn't deserve it.

He was terrified, more than he had ever been in his entire life, not even when he had been kidnapped and tortured by a ruthless killer.

Images after images of moments with you continued to flood his mind while a sense of anguish gripped his stomach, so strong he couldn't stop crying.

He cried.

Everyone cried with him in that waiting room, hugging each other.

All his dreams had been shattered, they had all vanished in the blink of an eye, flown away like a grain of sand in the sea.

Where did his ‘forever’ go?

His forever was in the ICU and was about to die. The only person he had ever loved, the only person who had ever understood him without trying to fix him, the only person who had ever made him happy, who had made him understand the meaning of the word love, who had made him believe that even if he came from a dysfunctional family that didn't mean the same fate would happen to him, the only person for whom he lived, breathed, for whom he committed himself every single day to fight his demons and ghosts was about to walk away forever.

How do you survive something like that?

What would he have done without you?

Spencer couldn't live without you.

He couldn't even imagine waking up in the morning and not finding you. He couldn't imagine coming home at night and knowing you’d be dead. He couldn’t imagine going in the kitchen and not smelling your food. He couldn’t imagine watch a romantic movie and not seeing you cry your eyes out.

No, no, no, fuck, that couldn't be true.

One by one they all came to you to say goodbye but no one spoke to each other. Spencer didn’t have the strength to walk into that room, he hoped till the last minute it was just a nightmare and he’d soon wake up.

There was only desperation and so many, many tears. Even Hotchner, always so serious and impeccable, couldn't stop the tears when he left your room, moving away from the others so as not to be seen.

The last one was him.

When it was Spencer's turn he was terrified.

His fingers trembled as they were about to open the door. He didn't have the courage to enter that room, look you in the eyes, say goodbye to his love.

With what strength would he have hugged you knowing it would be the last time? How would he be able to say goodbye? How would he be able to tell you he loved you knowing it was the last time? How could he let you go?

Every step he took was heavy, leaving a piece of his tormented soul behind each one.

Seeing you was like a punch in the stomach, like every time his eyes rested on you but that time what he felt wasn't happiness but only sadness, desperation, anguish and helplessness.

Oh my everlasting love. You didn't deserve all of this.

You lay in bed, a nasal cannula supplying you with oxygen, electrodes connecting your body to monitors that marked a low blood pressure and a below-normal heart rate.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to rely on what little strength he had to not collapse to the floor and burst into desperate tears again. But the shine of his eyes, their swelling and redness showed how intensely he had cried in the last few hours.

You looked at him and he felt breathless.

How will I live without those eyes?

“Hi baby.”

His voice trembled, smiling slightly as he moved closer to you. He couldn't conceive the idea that the last time he had seen you was that same morning and you were fine, while at that moment you were on a hospital bed dying.

He pulled up a chair and sat next to you. He took one of your hands in his, intertwining your fingers and leaving a kiss on the back of it. All it took was for your skin to come in contact with his for him to burst into inconsolable and suffocating tears again.

He wrapped his arms around your hips, his head resting on your abdomen as you stroked his hair. It was a projection from that same morning but the difference was that this time would be the last.

He would no longer hug you, he would no longer be lulled by the warmth of your arms, feel your fingers run through his messy and tangled hair.

Silence reigned in the room, interrupted only by Spencer's sobs as he continued to cry desperately. He held you like he had never done before, as if in that way he hoped you would stay.

“It's okay…” you barely whispered, weakened and groggy from the morphine.

You felt… Apathetic.

You couldn't describe the emotions you felt at that moment, ever since the doctor told you didn’t have much time you felt anesthetized.

It was as if you were seeing everything from an external perspective, as if it wasn't really you lying on the bed, as if it wasn't you who was going to die in a few hours.

Not a tear had rolled down yours, not even when the rest of your team had come to say their final goodbyes.

You didn't want to feel like this, you didn't want to be apathetic, so numb. You wanted to feel anger, pain, helplessness, anguish, anxiety, anything, you wanted to cry, scream, but the more you tried, the more you couldn't.

“Don’t leave me please…” Spencer's sobs interrupted him. He continued to cling to you, to hold onto you as if his life depended on it.

“Baby, look at me.” Your voice was hoarse, thick with sleep and tiredness.

“No, no, no, I know what you want to tell me… No…” He held you even tighter than before. “You can't leave me…”

He turned his head towards you, his vision completely blurred with tears, his face wet. He brought his hands to your face, caressed your cheeks, your hair and tried as much as possible to imprint every detail of your skin in his memory.

“You're so beautiful baby,” he whispered, “It's not fair…”

“I know,” you whispered back weakly, “I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. But it's so unpredictable, isn't it?”.

“No, life sucks.”

You placed a hand on his still on your face, closing your eyes for a moment and enjoying the feeling of warmth that only he could give you.

“I know everything seems bad right now, I know you'll think this long after I'm gone but it's not like that love, life doesn't suck. It’s the most beautiful gift we could ever have...” you murmured with no small effort, your breathing heavy and difficult.

He shook his head. “Bullshit. You are my life, baby...” He cried. “I can't live without you. I can't... I can't go home and not find you there, I can't sleep without you next to me, I can't go to work and look up and not find you sitting there at your desk… I can’t…”

“Of course you can you’re the strongest person I know baby, even if you don't recognize it. You’ll be happy again...” You placed a hand on his cheek, drying with your fingers his tears that never stopped coming out. “Promise me one thing.”

“No, no, no, I can't, don't do this to me please… Don't make me promise something I can't keep baby…”

“Spencer, please. I can't leave knowing you won't be happy, please, I need to know you’ll at least try... Promise me...”

A solitary tear rolled down your face, even though you didn't even realize it at the time.

He shook his head, looking down as he continued to cry. He sat down on the bed next to you, pulling you into a hug you tried to return with the little strength you had left.

He left a long kiss on your head, inhaling deeply that beautiful scent he’d never be able to smell again in his life. He rested his cheek on you, letting your hair tickle his skin.

“I can't… I can't…” he repeated, feeling the air disappear more and more from his lungs. “You’re the first person who made me understand what it means to be happy baby… I don’t how to do it without you… D-don't… You can't ask me… I’m begging you…”

You slightly pulled away from him, cupping your hands on his face and smiling slightly through the tears you hadn't even realized you were shedding.

You were crying.

“I wouldn't ask you if I knew you couldn't Spence. I know it’ll be hard but life is beautiful baby, so damn beautiful and deserves to be lived to the full. Plus, I'm not really leaving okay? My body may no longer be here but my soul will always be with you, I’ll always be here when you need me, I will never leave you.” You spoke softly, your breathing heavy with each word. You placed a hand at his heart level which was beating wildly at that moment.

He shook his head again, still crying as desperation enveloped him more and more. “But I-I want you here…”

“Shh, listen to me love, please…” You stopped due to a cough. Spencer rushed to get you a glass of water from the bedside table, helping you drink and stroking your back in the meantime. “Thanks baby.”

Despite the morphine you still felt a weight on your chest, your lungs couldn't expand and everything hurt.

But it wasn't physical pain.

It was your soul that was hurting.

“Listen to me…” You started speaking feebly again, looking Spencer in his eyes, losing yourself in those two beautiful wells. “I need to know you’ll move on baby, that you’ll find someone you’ll love again and who will love you so deeply like I did, with whom you’ll build a beautiful family, with whom you’ll have children, a beautiful house and a dog if you want. This doesn’t mean you’ll forget about me, I’ll always be by your side at every step you take, I promise you, I’ll watch over you and if you need anything you just have to talk to me... Maybe not in front of other people or they’ll think you’re crazy.”

He chuckled through his tears and your heart skipped a beat. “That’s it. That’s the beautiful smile I always want to see, God you make me so happy.”

“There will be no one after you baby.”

“Spence please…-”

“No, no, you can't ask me that,” he murmured, his tone of voice so melancholy and sorrowful it made your gut wrench. “When I married you I never thought for a second there could be an ‘after you’, never, even though I knew the risks we both ran because of our jobs. There will never be anyone after you Y/n, there will never be anyone who can ever make me happy like you do, there will never be anyone I will ever love as much as I love you. It… It wouldn't be right...” He let out a deep sigh “It wouldn't be right for her, for... For the children because I wouldn't love them as much as I love you, because I would look at them and only think I could’ve had all that with you and I don't want that…”

He stroked your hair, looking at you with so much love it made your heart melt.

You didn’t want your time to end. You wanted to be with him, forever.

“Spencer… I-I'm terrified…” You managed to murmur before bursting into desperate, heartbreaking tears. Spencer hugged you while you sobbed into his sweater.

“I know… I know…”

Terrified didn't even come close to describing how you felt at that moment.

I'm dying.

Soon I won't be here anymore.

You couldn't conceive it, realize it, you couldn't accept it. But then again, how could you? Who would ever accept a death sentence?

You weren't ready.

You didn't want to leave Spencer, God, you had so many dreams to achieve together and it wasn't fucking right, it wasn't.

You just wanted to bring lunch and eat with your beloved husband, spend some time with him, why did this have to happen to you? What did you do wrong? You hadn't died from a bullet three weeks earlier but you were about to die for wanting to see your husband.

Why didn't you just stay home? If you had done it you would’ve been fine, you would’ve just had to wait for Spencer to come home that evening so you could hug him again. If you had done it you would’ve slept in the same bed, together that night, perhaps after making love, the next morning you would’ve woken up with his scent and his warmth, you would’ve had breakfast together.

You both cried until you couldn't breathe, holding on to each other as if you were both each other's lifelines.

You felt weak, every moment that passed breathing was like a punch in the stomach even though the oxygen flow had been turned up to maximum.

Hours passed and every minute that passed the fear paralyzed you more and more.

Spencer stayed next to you the entire time, hugging you and tightly holding your hand. You’d think he had shed all the tears he had in his body but instead he had never stopped, he continued to cling to you, to hold you in the hope that a miracle would happen.

He didn't believe in miracles, he thought there was a reason for everything, but in that moment he prayed for one to happen with every fiber of his being.

Your eyelids felt heavy and you struggled to keep your eyes open.

You were tired, so fucking tired, just wanting to rest for a bit but knowing if you definitely close your eyes you wouldn’t be able to open them again.

“Do you think heaven exists?” You whispered in a small, thin voice. Spencer kissed your forehead, continuing to stroke your hair as his salty tears kept running down his cheeks.

“Of course it exists, all the angels are just waiting for you. I'm pretty sure you’ll be the most beautiful angel of all, dressed in white and with the light surrounding you.”

You giggled, only to be interrupted by yet another cough. You were so grateful to have Spencer, that even though he didn't believe in an afterlife, in heaven, in angels, still tried to make you feel better.

“I'm so tired baby…” you murmured, closing your eyes for a few seconds before opening them again.

He held you tighter, feeling more tears streak down his face. “I know my love, but you can rest, I’ll always be here I promise, I’ll never leave you.”

“Spencer, you are the greatest and most beautiful love I have ever had in life, you made me the happiest I've ever been and I want to thank you for everything, for everything you have done for me, for teaching me the truth meaning of love…” You took a deep breath. “I will love you forever, I hope you know that, in this world and wherever else I’ll go. I know we’ll meet again, even if not in this life, we’ll meet in next one.”

He shook his head in despair as he continued to sob and cry. He wasn't ready to say goodbye, he wasn't ready to let you go, but who he was kidding, he never would be.

“I love you so much my darling, I will always love you until my last breath.”

He kissed your forehead softly again, pressing his lips to your skin longer than expected as he tried to make the most of those last moments with you.

“You’re the best and most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. I love you, always and forever,” he kept whispered, hugging you. But you couldn't hug him back.

You had closed your eyes and fallen asleep, in the arms of the person you loved most in the world where you always wished your last moments would be.

The room was filled with sounds from the monitor connected to your heart, which had started to slow down.

Your heartbeat had slowed.

More and more.

Until it stopped and all that was left was a flat line.

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futurewriter2000 · 2 years

Text

Messy mind create messy life... I guess. Sometimes I feel when I was at my loneliest that I was never really alone because I had so much time for myself that I was always so happy and so ambitious to improve my life forward but then I met people and I met a lot of people and it was good at first until it started to go downhill from one point.

I thought after New Years things would get better and better but it seemed to get worse and worse and then good and fine and the worst and back up at good- like my life is a rollercoaster nobody can get off it. I quit a job, I lost a job, I was fine for a few months, going places- enjoying my free time until there was no money left and suddenly my best friend started to act odd and arrogant because suddenly he had to pay for things and he didn't want to so he barely called me to go get coffee. Then he used me until I had zero money in my pocket and I started seeing less and less of him. The guy I was seeing... we broke things off, we got back together, we broke things off, we got back together and it was a repetative circle every single month. I told him how I felt and he shut me down, I gave him multiple chances and he tries but never enough and now I realised that we're just on different wave lengths when it comes to us. It is like he will never satisfy me because his number one priority is work and my number one priority is us but then again as much as we work together, when we're apart it's just chaos. And so the circle repeats but I don't.

You know it's been one of the lowest six months in my entire life- with my mental health deep in shit, family life deep in shit, love life not so deep in shit but still dipped in it, finances are murdering me raw and friends? Well... what kind of friends when I feel lonely and two years ago when I felt lonely, I had like three friends and now I have plenty of them and I feel more lonely than I ever did.

My mom though... she's a blessing because she has been trying to help me the best way she could and it has not been long ago when I realised that. She said to me: "I know I'm not perfect but I was never bad towards you." and she was right. She is helping me with my finances and she always keeps her door and arms open for both me and my sister no matter the fact that she had left. I wanted her to leave my dad because my dad is a nasty drunk, who never deserved anything good that has happened to him in life. But mom? Mom is here and mom is all I need and one day, I'll give the whole world I had built to my mum.

I stopped writing, everybody who follows me here knows that I had not been active in so long. Mostly because I was avoiding to confront everything that has been happening in my life. Tumblr used to be my safe place and somehow I felt ashamed writing things here because I am not as perfect as I used to be. I mean I was never perfect but I was closer to being perfect then than now. Somehow my life took over the one thing that I had to cope in real life. I used to write everything on here and I don't know what happened. I don't know why I stopped- I just know that I don't like myself at the moment. Or whatever happened since I met Alex and I met Andraz and I met Ajla (I know a lot of people on the letter A) and Hata and plenty of wonderful people and they are wonderful, don't get me wrong but you know when my mum said that "I know I'm not perfect but I was never bad towards you." they're not perfect either but I accepted them for it... it's just they were bad towards me. Alex is a bad friend and Andraz had broken my heart a millions of times as a friend as well as a lover and Hata, she's amazing but sometimes I feel she's not present. and Ajla is also okay but also so far in another world where I cannot reach. It's just lately all the people I thought were one of the closest people for me, suddenly they are the people I trust the least because when I was struggling with everything nobody was there to lend a hand. Alex laughed, Andraz just kept a distance, Hata was too busy and Ajla... so was she though she did offer a nice long talk.

I feel so selfish for thinking like I should be their only priority but it's not that. Not at all. I love them all and I want what's best for them and I don't care that I'm not their number one priority. I don't want to be, I just want my energy to be reciprocated and it's not. I'm ignored from Alex and Andraz and that hurts the most because they were the closest but then I look around and I saw that everybody drifts away but at times in need they will always come to be there for you like one of my friends did when I told her about my anxiety coming back. She dropped everything and came and the others... they just ignore and why should I settle for that.

Like I said we have a lot of catching up to do.

#im back #rant

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diaryofdayet · 4 months

Text

Jan 11 𓇢𓆸 Los Angeles

My day started with a workout and a quick walk around the block. I ate eggs and fruit for breakfast and started sorting through the footage I'll be working with on the new film—I was pleased to find it was gorgeous. Do I dare hope this job may actually be fun?

In the afternoon I met with the psychiatrist.

"How's the Lexapro going?"

"I don't know if it's the Lexapro or not, but this past week has actually been...good." She saw me smile for the first time.

"I think we should raise your dosage by 5 milligrams. How do you feel about that? I know you were hesitant to be on the meds."

"Literally whatever keeps me feeling this way."

After the appointment, I went to see Viv, the woman who saved my eyebrows. I melted into her grip, into the teary pain, into the smell of raw lamb and perfume. Her threading chair is heaven for someone as lonely as I've been.

When I got home I sang scales, took a work meeting, and started getting dressed for one of Archie's fashion events. I'm not sure I'll ever shake the desire to look my best for him. I settled on the long blue-black velvet dress I'd bought with Vashti and paired it with my leather block-heel sandals. I pulled my hair back into a loose bun and put on Art Deco-style earrings. Altogether the ensemble had a flapper vibe that satisfied me.

The drive to Melrose felt endless. At a stop light, I glanced in my rearview mirror and noticed the couple in the car behind me kissing hungrily. I recognized their need from my own memories and understood what would happen next. I watched guiltlessly as she disappeared below the dashboard and he trembled in his effort to look like just another driver on the road.

When I arrived I found Archie standing in a corner with Junior and a third man I didn't know, Ned. They were three models of the same marionette: Ned, the proletarian, Junior, the intellectual, and Archie, the man in the movies.

I sipped my ranch water and told them about my highway voyeurism. I wondered if Archie noticed every time I touched his arm. I wondered if Junior and I were equal in our understanding of each other as a conversational plaything. I wondered when the hell I'll get fucked.

They were all meeting Dean at a dinner in K-Town. Junior said he'd prefer I didn't come because it'd be too socially complicated. He's a rude bastard. Still, I didn't care very much. Archie made everyone walk me to my car. He gave me a hug goodbye and said, "I'll see you at dinner tomorrow." I was so ready to drive home.

𓇢𓆸

Dayet

#journal #diary #dear diary #los angeles #writing

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justyouraveragecsmfan · 2 years

Text

purple hyacinths for a long-lost fantasy

Makima/reader

Warning : Spoilers, implied sex, mild gore

Genre : angst (no comfort)

The world had been nothing but an old record for Makima. It's cacophony reaching its end only to begin again. Until she fully acquired the Chainsaw Devil, that is. Was it because everything was going perfectly as planned in her little game of chess or maybe she was.. Bored. Bored enough to see she had sufficient time on her hands in midst of achieving her goal. Sufficient enough.. to entertain you.

You were, but another pawn like all the devil hunters there existed. Assigned in her Special Division 4 Squad, your reason for the job was the same as many other hundreds. Money, revenge, Indifference, passion ; you didn't have much to go about, honestly. Except your outrageously, inquisitive attitude (which could be predictable in itself)

"Miss Makima, do you think God exists?", you'd asked her ever so curiously at the night of the drinking party. Makima pretended to think it over before replying:

" I suppose yes, if Devils exist then there might be an opposite force too right? "

" We've got a pretty shitty one then", you laughed as you swirled around your drink, clearly drunk.

"...Or maybe.. ", you continued

"I guess having the Devils over here must be retribution for the humans huh? "

"That's quite the statement you've made there, being a Devil Hunter yourself"

"I don't know miss Makima... retribution or not, it sucks to see my friends die yknow "

Ah yes, you lost one of your squad partners on the latter mission. Before she could offer you a word or two of faux sympathy, you'd already passed out on the table, and that was all that happened, before Kobeni dropped your drunken self home.

You started appearing more around her after that. Quirking a joke or too, telling her all the weird stuff you used to do as a kid, like now, shuffling your weight between your two feet as you gushed about the story you recently completed last night.

Makima continued working on her documents while listening to you, her serene gaze unknowingly finding their way to your eyes before going down. You were, but a dog, a quite affectionate one at that, and she adored that.

Days went by, and the routine was the same, where you held conversations in the room after you reported back from your duty.

She began keeping in mind little things about you. The amused and teasing tone of your voice whenever you addressed her "Miss Makima". The way you couldn't keep your hands still while talking. What genre you liked, your music taste, you'd discussed everything with her during that one hour you both get with each other.

You were daring to enquire about her too, but she drew a line and you stopped.

Makima was bored and which is why she allowed herself to listen to you

The day when you asked to come over her house was a rather listless day for her too. You were felt rather hollow though, seeing your friend Himeno vanish before your eyes. So she let you in.

She observed your frame, now comparatively small as she handed you a coffee. Even during times of peril, your character was predictable, as you suddenly took her hand and whispered, "Hold me, Miss Makima ", with a strange urgency in your tone.

She was bored and you were willing, so she took you into her bedroom, where she had you over and over till your empty self was satisfied, till you couldn't give her anymore.

Another thing she found out that day was how much you've wanted to kiss her.

"What do you think is an ideal way to die? ", you asked her as she lay basking in the afterglow of the events.

Without waiting for her answer (not like she was giving you one) you replied

"I .... would like to die by the hands of the one I love, miss Makima "

She looked pointedly at your face, amber orbs searching for any sign of familiar emotion. For once she was unable to read you.

"Wouldn't that be a betrayal then? To have someone you love, end you? "

"It's better than dying by the hands of a devil, and I don't want to have a lonely death like that yknow ", you shrugged and snuggled closer to her and Makima took you in, feeling nothing but void.

The sunlight rained down in tiny speckles across the scarlet haired woman's face. She looked at her watch to make sure everything is in time.

Makima was close, so close. Denji had already been somewhat broken down after killing the Gun Devil. Today was the day she would kill his spirit for good too. After snuffing out an undesirable anomaly she'd been letting fester - you.

Which she did,now gazing down at your crumbled body, slowly bleeding out, as you coughed out blood.

"Did you think I wasn't aware of your correspondence with Kishibe?"

You let out a weak chuckle.

"I knew of course, but I'm more surprised you didn't kill me until now"

Makima hummed, as she pointed her finger straight at your head. You've taken enough of her time, and she was getting late.

"Good work till now. "

Your exhausted gaze reflected across her pupils as you smiled-

Bang !

Makima had a dream quite some time ago. One that she could never, in a million years fathom. Your laughter serenading across the comfy living room as she sat beside you on the couch, leaning into each other. You looked so carefree, so blissful, a look which you could never put on in the real world.

It ended up coming back to her, right on time. Just as she was ambushed by Denji and her body fell to the ground.

With her consciousness melting into the dark once and for all, Makima couldn't help but wonder. Not about Denji managing to overpower her, not about her losing the Chainsaw Devil, but about that beautiful expression of yours which looked more and more ethereal now that she was nearing her end.

She wondered what made you laugh in her dream.

She wondered if she made a mistake ending you.

She wondered why it ached so much seeing you dead by her own hands

She wondered-

Whether she had made a similar blissful expression in her dream with you?

There isn't much angst for makima here. She's a literal walking red flag there should be more so i tried making one

Also, Purple hyacinths symbolize regret towards something

Thanks for reading!

#csm #chainsaw man #csm x reader #chainsaw man makima #chainsaw man spoilers #chainsaw man/reader #makima/reader #makima x reader #this took so long i pretty much half-assed but #but hope y'all enjoy this #i wanted some makima angst #my fics ✨

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f4gdilf · 3 years

Text

𝗜𝗭𝗨𝗞𝗨 𝗠𝗜𝗗𝗢𝗥𝗜𝗬𝗔 𝘅 𝗧𝗢𝗣 𝗠𝗔𝗟𝗘 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗘𝗥

𝗔/𝗡; 𝗜 𝗧𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗮𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗽𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝘀 𝗶 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗶 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗹𝗼𝗹. 𝗔𝗹𝘀𝗼 𝗶𝘇𝘂𝗸𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝗯𝗮𝗱 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮 𝗹𝗼𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗺. 𝗗𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 @sinfulcries 𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗽𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗲.

𝗪𝗢𝗥𝗗𝗦; 𝟭,𝟱𝟮𝟴

𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦; 𝗗𝗘𝗚𝗥𝗔𝗗𝗜𝗡𝗚, 𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗝𝗢𝗕𝗦, 𝗖𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚, 𝗦𝗣𝗔𝗡𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗚, 𝗣𝗔𝗜𝗡 𝗣𝗟𝗔𝗬, 𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗗𝗔 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗘𝗥 𝗦𝗘𝗫, 𝗖𝗟𝗜𝗙𝗙𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗘𝗥𝗦, 𝗖𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗬 𝗪𝗥𝗜𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚, 𝗜𝗭𝗨𝗞𝗨 𝗕𝗘𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗔 𝗪𝗛𝗢𝗥𝗘 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗦𝗢𝗠𝗘 𝗗𝗜𝗖𝗞.

You could barely remember when this exchange first started.

One second, you were chatting with the Number One pro hero, Deku, Taking him on a small lunch date and before you knew it, you two were involved in an even more sexual relationship.

To be honest, You didn’t know you Two were sinning as much as you were. Deku never told you about his girlfriend, A fellow pro hero named Uravity.

You know...Uraraka Ochako, Current Number 5 in rescue heroes.

Your eyes narrowed towards Izuku as his built frame entered your apartment, Looking pathetically chaotic. It's likely because his patrol ended an hour ago and he probably hurried here. He knew you saw the news about him and Uraraka dating since high school.

Your large hand gripped lightly at your favorite mug filled with warm black coffee “so..” you took a loud sip, warmth filling your entire body “..why are you here? Don't you feel bad about cheating on your girlfriend?” you mocked, steamy mug still rested on your lips “or did you perhaps come to say farewell?”

“S-sir..” you rolled your eyes. he only calls you that in bed, no wonder he came without saying anything. The Little Bitch wants some goodbye sex.

Midoriya bit his lip in nervousness, impatience filled him. He took a step forward, Feet encased in the Shaggy carpet below him. You eyed him curiously, watching as he removed any leftover space between your bodies.

You held out a hand, stopping him momentarily before he got too close. Izuku grimaced as his cheeks lit up in disgrace. This was embarrassing enough to crawl to you like some slut. You should be crawling towards him, begging to fuck him instead.

For some reason, he kind of liked the humiliation, his small cock twitching in need and anticipation. His abdomen felt like there was a fire igniting inside of it. And a small sheepish smile worked itself on his delicate face as his rough hands gripped the one that was holding him off.

Curiosity and arouse was the only thing you could feel right now. His hands placed yours and moved it towards his crotch. “I came here for you, sir” his calm voice called out as your guided hand finally arrived at its destination.

His grip softened onto your lone hand. His small cock was rock hard, you could feel it pressing against you from behind the thick fabric that trapped it. You undid his sturdy belt and let his pants fall towards his bruised knees. Oh would you look at this, the slut didn't bother to wear underwear today.

It surprised you that Uraraka stayed with him for this long, his small cock looked like it could barely get anyone off. It hardly reached under his belly button. The cock itself looked very pretty though. The head isn’t bulbous or red, but it’s rather a nice shade of pink. He takes consideration of himself down there. He trims, cleans, and even gets waxes to make sure everything looks hairless and smooth.

Your hand clutched tighter onto his pathetic cock making him whine and shudder. “You like that? Little slut..” you insulted, Itching to bend him over and take him from behind right then and there.

Your fingers grazed upon him, stroking and pulling across his length. Izuku’s whines began to grow louder as your torment continued. “P-please sir I'm gonna c-cum” he stuttered, trembling and rough hands grabbing onto anything he could reach.

“Cumming already? We just started~” Your smooth and silky voice teased, “Aren’t you ashamed for Fucking an innocent civilian while your girlfriend is probably risking her life on the streets?” your stroking pace ceased for a moment, eyes pointing towards his Pretty face now.

He flushed heavily, head turned to the side in hopes you wouldn't see how flustered he was. Izuku mumbled something that your ears could barely pick up “hmm not that I care anyway, you're only an onahole to use.” you glared.

You moved from his cock and clenched his small hips, the Wide bones felt like they were poking from the thick skin coating it. Other than that, His milky skin felt soft and smooth, he puts on lotion and other body products before bed so it would make sense.

You stood hastily, Izuku didn't have time to comprehend the sharp movement before you snatched his left arm and speedily walked towards the bathroom. Like hell you'd let this slut’s cum get onto your expensive mattress.

Midoriya unwillingly trembled at your manhandling, although you were just a plain civilian, and Midoriya could easily push you off, he didn’t.

Because he was a cum slut and would spread his legs for anyone.

You caught sight of the Shower knob and twisted it tightly so the showerhead above would start. And so it did. Warm water in multiple heavy spurts rained onto you both.

Clothes Started clinging on bodies, water started wetting hair, and Bodies started warming up.

Izuku stumbled for a bit, drunk off of a deterred orgasm. before shakily pulling his wet clothing off of him until he was fully nude. It wasn't anything you haven't seen before.

“Are you fucking with me? One time wasn't enough for you?” You scoffed after seeing the numerous Hickeys lacing his fair-skinned neck. It seemed like this slut and Ochako has been Fucking recently. Unless he'd been cheating with someone entirely different.

“Your girlfriend couldn't satisfy your needs, slut?" You grumbled, "or perhaps do you just yearn for the highs of cheating?"

Izuku could get off a million times with that explicit mouth of yours. It filled him with Joy watching you get jealous.

He craved more.

No, needed more.

You had everything Uraraka didn't, it's like he was meant to end up with you instead. Uraraka couldn't satisfy his desires, she was always too soft during sex and only treated him like glass.

He needed a big fat cock to worship and fuck every day, she obviously didn't have that so that's where you came to play.

You made him work for your pleasure and not the other way around. He was made just for you.

“Bend over and show me my prize” you dictated, too impatient for foreplay and just wanting to punish this disgusting whore. A couple of tense seconds passed. “Did you not fucking hear me? I said bend. Over.” You watched as Izuku gave a feeble nod before twisting and presenting his ass for you.

Your smooth hands moved lightly on his milky pale cheeks, they felt like clouds in the palm of your hands. His ass was definitely the reason you continued hooking up with him. It was like touching two soft marshmallows. Soon enough Izuku inhaled sharply as your hand came down harsh on his ass. The pain was duplicated with the high pressured water pelting over him.

Of course, you didn't care if he was in pain. The jiggle from his cheeks looks amazing and almost delectable.

You followed up with three more harsh whacks across his arse, reaching further than a dozen or so blindingly rapid blows, and Midoriya nibbled on his lips, trying his hardest not to jerk away from the successive blows. He didn't want to disappoint you, though Just the thought of you getting mad enough to fuck him for hours made his tiny cock twitch in need.

"P-please...sir.." Midoriya wailed. The teasing was starting to get too much for him. Izuku’s legs quiver by the time you ceased landing blows onto his arse which was pretty pink at the second. You could easily deduce the marks of your hands.

Midoriya cried submissively as the pain was frigid, fierce, and much more severe, far more harsher than the other times you've basically made his arse a bongo drum. considering you didn't have an intense job, What kind of innocent civilian is this strong?

You yanked Izuku’s hips, and whirled him so his ass hit the tiled wall, he let out a relieved cry. the icy tiles comforted his stinging ass.

You pinned Izuku closely against the tile wall, your hips dwelling against his. Your thick cock grazing upon his dainty flesh. You briefly glimpsed low at Izuku, shaking your head when you spot his erection.

"Hm, you dirty slut. Getting off on me degrading you" you smirked, gouging your nail into the slit seeping with a drastic amount of precum.

The sharp pain made Midoriya shudder, clenching around your wrist.

"Mm, sir..." Midoriya whimpered, "...please, please...fuck me, I'll do anything.." your narrowed eyes widened in surprise, honestly considering the offer “Anything, you say?” your voice traveled through the steaming shower as you leaned in closer to his right ear.

“Even break up with your girlfriend?” You whispered, tongue peeking out and glazing on his outer ear, across the helix and trailing downward before lightly biting down.

Izuku moaned quietly “O-of course sir, I'll do anything” that certainly wasn't a lie- the man would do absolutely anything for another taste of that thick muscle between your legs. Even separate from the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on. And you know why? Because he's your desperate slut.

#✍︎︎𝗪𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗪𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗠𝗿 𝗝𝗲𝗮𝗻 #⚠︎︎𝗗𝗲𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 #⚠︎︎𝗦𝗽𝗮𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 #⚠︎︎𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗣𝗹𝗮𝘆 #⚠︎︎𝗖𝗵𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 #dark content #dark blog #male reader #top male reader

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nashibirne · 3 years

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Where The Wild Roses Grow - An August Walker Story

Pairing: August Walker x OFC (Fern) Summary: Don't screw the crew? This doesn't work for August Walker Warnings: Smut, Sex, 18+, NSFW, unprotected sex, oral sex mentioned, kinda soft August This is kinda AU, because August survived the events of MI:Fallout Unbeta'ed! English is not my mother tongue, so consider yourself warned Disclaimer: I don't own August Walker (but he owns me...) Credits: Pics for the header from Pinterest

A big thank you to the wonderful @legendarywizarddetective Honey, thanks for your support, your advice and your opinion. You have no idea, how much I appreciate your help <3 xxx

tag list: @lunedelorient @inlovewithhisblueeyes @willkatfanfromasia @hell1129-blog @mis-lil-red @agniavateira @kebabgirl67 @omgkatinka @legendarywizarddetective @summersong69 @taebfada @xxxkatxo @madbaddic7ed @artandotherdelights

You can find the next parts and my other fics on my Masterlist

~~~~~

Chapter 1

Fern

I'm bent over my desk, still recovering from my orgasm, while August is railing me hard from behind to reach his own climax. It doesn't take him long. He comes with a suppressed growl that turns into a satisfied moan slowly. As usual he pulls out right after, gives me a playful slap on my naked butt and stuffs his dick back into his pants with a smug smile.

He never undresses to fuck me and he never asks me to get naked. He just hitches up my skirt or dress, pulls my panties out of the way and enters my pussy with his fingers, his tongue or his dick. My clothes have turned into some kind of code with time. If I wear trousers I know he won't touch me, so if I choose to wear a pair of jeans it's my way to say no. If I wear a skirt or a dress he knows he can have me if he wants to. It doesn't happen every day or on a regular basis, sometimes we fuck five days in a row and sometimes we don't for two weeks and that's part of its charm.

Whenever it happens, it is always quick and dirty and pretty good. Sure, there's no tenderness, no cuddling, hardly any kissing but it still is great sex. Satisfying and uncomplicated, no strings attached. I never thought I could enjoy physical love without being emotionally involved, but with August it works somehow. I don't even know how it happened, can hardly tell how this started.

I used to work at the CIA as a team assistant, he was THE notorious agent, August "The Hammer" Walker, effective, discreet, intimidating, mysterious, larger-than-life. Yeah, I know, this alone sounds sexy as hell and you haven't even seen him. Tall, broad shouldered, dark hair, blue eyes, face like an angel but his signature mustache and the three-days-stubble giving it a dangerous touch. We got along quite well but it was all strictly professional back then. He always kept a distance, not only from me but from everyone and I knew he was well out of my league anyway, even if we hadn't worked together.

After the disaster with Ethan Hunt I was shocked, devastated even, because I'd never expected him to be a traitor and I was sure I'd seen the last of him after the events in Kashmir. To my big surprise he contacted me a few weeks after. He had somehow survived the fight with Hunt and the explosion and bailed himself out of this mess. I still don't know how he made it, what or who he sold to the government but it must have been a huge deal because they cleared his record and he was free to do whatever he wanted under one condition, he had to leave the country. He chose to make a fresh start in London and to set up a cyber security business with a partner. This partner is Peter Brooks, who is an ex-hacker August knows from some CIA investigations, and they are the perfect team -August sells security, Peter programs it, August is responsible for the hardware, Pete for the software. And a good team needs a team assistant and that was the point where I got involved.

I don't know why he asked me of all people, maybe because he knew I was unattached and because we had already proven that we worked together well. I asked him several times for his reasons but he always shrugged it off. I was hesitant about taking his offer, of course I was, I didn't trust him anymore, he had been public enemy number one and to be honest I was scared. I was afraid of him, of what he could be up to, of the potential for violence he was radiating and his criminal energy in general, but he offered me lots of money, a wonderful apartment in Shoreditch and he promised me that he would never expose me to any kind of danger, that he'd changed and that I would never have to do something illegal for him. I believed him, mostly because I wanted to. I was desperate to add a little adventure to my boring existence and earning much more than an average assistant plus living in one of the greatest cities in the world seemed to be an attractive prospect. Up to now I haven't regretted my decision.

August has kept his word. There are no signs that the company is involved in any illegal deals and as far as I know he is not scheming or hiding something. Actually I'm quite sure of that because we all know that the federal authorities keep a close eye on him and his little business. Moreover we've got to know each other quite well and I imagine that I would know if he was hiding something from me. Maybe I would, maybe it's just wishful thinking but I tend to say that I can judge him quite well by now. That's not surprising actually, considering how much time we spend together, 12 to 16 hours a day, five to six days a week.

How did the sex thing begin you ask? I don't really know. Maybe it was the glances he started to give me, the attention I wasn't used to. I just started to feel good around him, sexy and wanted. Of course it's flattering that a handsome man like him shows interest in someone like me, even if it's just physical.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. He travels a lot, is away for days or weeks sometimes and I know he doesn't end up lonely in his hotel room every night. But we have kind of a don't-ask-don't-tell-policy and I'm fine with it.

The first time we fucked was a good year ago and 9 months after I came to London to work for Walker & Brooks SecTec. I wore one of my summer dresses, dark blue with white dots, plain but cute, and August complimented me on my outfit several times that day. He had never done this before. When I was just about to leave he suddenly stood in the doorway of my office and looked at me with a feral grin that gave me goosebumps. "What?" I asked him with a frown.

"Nothing. It's just...you better not wear that dress again at work." His grin turned into a smirk.

"Why? You said you like it." I looked down at my body, feeling self-conscious all of the sudden.

"Right. I like it a little too much, Fern."

I gave him a sheepish smile. "What's that supposed to mean?" He came closer, standing right in front of me now.

"It means you look so delicious in that dress, you're giving me a hard time trying to control myself around you."

I was speechless in that moment and pretty sure that he was making fun of me. In my whole life there hadn't been a single man that had problems with his self control around me. I'm just not the kind of woman that drives a guy out of his mind.

"That's not funny."

"It's not supposed to be funny. I'm serious."

He looked me deep in the eyes, his face was just inches away from mine. Suddenly he grabbed me by my waist and spinned me around, pulling me close to him. "Your ass is so juicy in that dress, your waist so small, your breasts so beautiful, I just can't stop thinking about touching you." He whispered all this into my ear and then I felt his lips on my neck. They brushed the sensitive flesh just lightly. He did nothing more for a moment, and I knew he hesitated to give me a chance to turn him down, to say no to him. I didn't. I said yes that day. I let him kiss my neck. I let him squeeze my ass. I let him caress my tits. I turned around and kissed him and I moaned into his mouth under his touch. I felt how hard he was, how much he wanted me and it was the greatest turn-on. All the dirty things he told me, the magic his skilled hands worked on my body, the sexual energy and the dominance he was radiating from every pore - I was putty in his hands, willing to give him everything...everything I had craved since I'd moved here. I was touch starved, there hadn't been a single date or something because my whole life was like eat-work-sleep-repeat. He fucked me on my desk that day. Standing between my legs -my dress hitched up, my panties lying in the corner of the room- he thrust his big dick into my needy pussy with force and without mercy, giving me one of the most intense orgasms of my life.

***

August

Fern. I know she hates her name, but if you ask me, it's beautiful. Old fashioned in a good way, special, innocent and very pretty. Just like the woman who bears it. You wonder if that's the reason why I asked her to work for me? Because she's so pretty with her long honeyblond hair and the big brown eyes? You think I hired her because I wanted to fuck her right from the start? I'm sorry to disappoint you but you're wrong. I didn't see her that way in the beginning.

When we worked together for the CIA she was in a relationship anyway. We never talked about it, it was all strictly professional back then, but she had this picture of a guy on her desk, a good looking man with a boyish smile and the aura of an intellectual snob. Eventually the picture vanished and wasn't replaced by a new one so I assumed she was unattached, which was one reason I considered her to be suitable. But the main reason was that she is simply very good at her job. Of all the assistants we had she was the best organized and structured one, she is smart and her quickness is extraordinary. She's friendly and sociable but most of all she is loyal and has integrity. In the old days you'd called her virtuous and that was exactly what I was looking for.

I knew to start a new life, a life as an upright citizen, I'd need help. Help from someone like her, not from someone like my partner Peter who struggles with keeping things legal too. To put it in a nutshell, I needed a moral compass and she was the right woman for the job and she still is. Keeping us on track, guiding us without even knowing it just by her natural sense of justice. Of course it was hard to convince her to trust me and to make her give up her life in the states and to begin anew in London and when she finally agreed it was a big relief.

Yeah, yeah, yackety-yack, you say? But why did you start to fuck her?

Well, the not so flattering answer is, I did it because I wanted to know if I could. Peter said no. Never ever would a smart woman like Fern fuck her boss, he said when we talked about it one boozy evening. The two of us were celebrating a huge deal and I said something like I'd love to give Fern a special reward for her good work and he laughed out loud when he realized what I meant.

Well, I love a good challenge and there was something in her eyes, a gleam, a spark, that told me she was looking for an adventure, for anything to make her life a little more exciting and I was willing to give her what she was craving. And so it began.

It was supposed to be a one-off, just to prove to myself that I was able to seduce her but after the first time I wanted more. The way she let me fuck her and the way her body responded to mine was just too good to not do it again. She knows it's just sex, I didn't even have to explain it to her, it is obvious. As I said she's a quick thinker and she knows what it means that I don't even strip off my pants, that I just get out my dick to rail her.

Sometimes I eat her pussy before I fuck her, sometimes I make her ride my fingers, but I never undress myself or her. And she doesn't seem to care, she likes it and she never asks for more. She just wants a good orgasm and that's what she gets. She cums easily, she's clearly not one of the women who need a lot of time to have an orgasm, who need a long foreplay and cuddles afterwards and that's great because I'm not the right man for this kind of intimacy. I'm just a man who wants a good, satisfying fuck. I don't need love, I just need sex.

And today she's just given me that. After making her come with my mouth I fucked her hard on her desk and it was great. But now it's back to business, we have a job to do and Peter will be back from his lunch break in a few minutes. Of course he knows what's going on but we never fuck when he's around. I would because it's none of his business what happens behind closed doors but Fern is scared that he could walk in on us. "I could never look him in the eyes again, August. I swear I'd die from embarrassment." That's what she said when I wanted to have my ways with her in my office with Peter working next door one day. Virtuous, as I said. Luckily she's not such a prude when we're alone.

"Here's the Henderson file, I signed the contract. Send it back to them please." She nods and takes the papers from my hand. She's sitting behind her desk, the one I just fucked her on, and I love the thought that my cum is dripping into her panties right now. She never reeks of sex though, I guess she always has fresh panties in her handbag and she washes her pussy in the bathroom when we're done. Well organized and always prepared, that's Fern.

"I need to leave a little earlier today if that's okay. I have an appointment." She looks at me with a smile that I don't return. I hardly ever smile and she knows it. She doesn't take offence and keeps on giving me her sweet smiles that often brighten up my busy days and I appreciate it.

"Sure. What kind of appointment?"

She raises an eyebrow. "Curious much, huh?"

"It's job related...ex agent...you know how it is." I grin and turn to leave because I don't expect an answer.

"Piano lessons." Her voice makes me stop and turn around.

"So you finally decided to do it."

"Yeah. I thought a lot about what you told me. That you're never too old to learn stuff and to start with something new. So I decided to give it a try."

"That's good, Fern. I'm sure you're gonna nail it."

"Thanks, August. To be honest I'm pretty nervous. I still think I might be too old to learn it properly."

"You're only 32 and you don't have to become the next Rachmaninoff."

She laughs and it sounds as clear as a bell. "I'll keep that in mind." "Good girl."

~~~~~~

#august walker #august walker smut #august walker x ofc #august walker fanfiction #henry cavill #henry cavill smut #henry cavill fanfiction #mission impossible fallout #august walker au #august walker fic

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thefallenbibliophilequote · 3 years

Text

You Are In Love

Loki x Reader

1989, epilogue

"You are in love, true love."

Summary: It's hard to find the one, but even if you do find him it's always going to be a daily struggle to make it work. Can you even make it work after he broke your heart? The answer to that is complicated, but it all started when you found each other again in the stark tower- and that's where our story begins.

Word count: 7,106

Warnings: some angst, some unreliable narrator, fluff, me being a hopeless romantic.

A/N: this is the very end- the epilogue, and it is based on the 1989 deluxe song You Are In Love. I really think this is important to the story despite it being an epilogue because I based some of the things solely because I wanted a scene here to happen, I needed that scene. Okay idk how this got so long, I'm sorry! Also, not me stealing quotes from my favourite book… I cried writing this.

A/N2: thank you to @chrissquares for all the incredible dividers she made for my series, and for @nacho-bucky who beta read it all and managed to put up with me. I appreciate you two so much, I love y'all!

No one is allowed to repost my writing or steal or copy my work! Reblog on tumblr is fine.

Series masterlist

Song on Spotify and YouTube

The room was dark and silent as you got into bed, playing the same thing that has been in your mind for weeks now. You heard him in your head, and saw him in your mind as you went to sleep. It hasn't been long since you first saw Loki, but he plagued your mind. Being asleep did not make him go away. You shut your eyes.

The wind felt cold on your skin but your palm was warm as he held you close. When you looked down you found yourself in a dark golden gown, a smile spread on your lips when you looked into his eyes and he took you to dance with him. You saw nothing but him as he twirled you around, your surroundings did not matter as the whole world stood in silence, the two of you were only focused on each other. You were wonderstruck, dancing around with him and looking at his bright blue eyes, you prayed he won't let you go. He only held you lightly with the palm of his hand and the arm around your waist but you felt enough.

He whispered in your ear terms of endearment and you could feel yourself blush. He twirled you around and out of his reach. You danced around all alone, until you turned around and saw Loki sitting on the back of a car, his hand inviting you. You felt your confusion go away as you climbed up to sit next to him, your jeans barely touched his black pants. Then he talked to you.

"Do you remember?" You heard his voice say to you and you turned your head.

"What?" You sat there when Loki talked to you.

"Look up." You heard his voice say to you and you turned your head up and looked at the stars, and your shoulders brushed. A shudder of warmth coursed through you as you saw the brightest star in the sky. You turned your eyes on Loki and the lights turned out.

You woke up in a shudder, heaving, you looked at the clock that mocked you. 1:58.

You turned to the other side of the bed and hoped sleep would take you quietly this time.

•

Loki walked along the bifrost, his heart was beating and racing, it didn't matter how many times he visited Heimdall, he was still anxious for his answer every time.

"Heimdall," Loki greeted the guardian.

"Prince Loki, are you going to ask the same question every time?" Heimdall looked over at the distressed prince. He remembered seeing him, when he was so young, so happy when he snuck him out at night so he can go to see the human woman he fell so hard for. He remembers Loki coming back in the morning with a smile on his face that he has never seen on him before; he remembers the young innocent prince showing him the necklace he carved especially for you, with his insignia on it; he remembers him being hopeful for the future- with you.

"I just want to know how she is."

Now he is an idiot.

"Just like she was the last time you asked me." Loki merely nodded, looking down on the ground. Heimdall waited for him to ask the other question he always asked.

"Is she- is she seeing someone?" Loki kept his eyes down, he held his breath.

"No." Heimdall tried to comfort the prince but he knew the answer won't do. Loki nodded to him, he never knew if he liked the answer or if he wanted you to find someone and be happy even if it is without him.

"Is she happy?"

"Yes, she is. She is happy and content," Heimdall stepped forward and put a hand on Loki's shoulder. "But it's been four years- don't you think there is a reason why she is still alone?"

"She just hasn't found-"

"She won't find someone who will make her happy like you did."

Loki refused to be selfish like he was in the past with you. Now that he understood what you asked him all those years ago at sunset, he refused to destroy your peace. Yet, he refused to forget you.

"However, your highness, she will not be available forever." Loki finally looked up at him, "and forever is not a lot of time for mortals."

"Then what am I to do about it?" Loki has told Heimdall a great deal about you, he never told his mother about you but since Heimdall was the only one who knew- Loki conversed with him after you had a fight, gushed to him about new midgardian stuff you taught him, and Loki knew that he didn't have to hide you from him.

"Do not sabotage your own happiness, it is not a selfish act if both of you will be happy from it. She will be happy to see you again, I can see that." Heimdall looked into the prince's eyes and hoped he could bring some sense to him.

He almost missed the way his eyes shone for just a moment, before the prince turned away to go back to the palace.

"Thank you, Heimdall, truly." Loki turned to him briefly before turning once again.

He wasn't as uncertain as he thought he would be; he pondered as he made his way across the rainbow bridge.

•

You woke up yet again alone, another sleepless night made you long for something you didn't have, leaving you tired. You reluctantly got out of bed, closing the curtains and concealing daylight and opting instead to turn on the lights. You had a long day ahead of you, so you shook the blue eyes that haunted you from your mind, you could almost see them in the shadow at the corner of your room.

It was just a trick of the light. You checked.

You walked out the door, not before taking a double look at the apartment, it was empty but… it felt wrong. You could almost see a silhouette, you must have been losing your mind, you thought, as you turned out the lights and walked to work. But right before you closed the door you sneaked one last glance, and you could still see it with the lights out.

Work had been tedious, Pepper was busy which meant that so were you, but at least you amused yourself in your breaks. Seeing the competitive supersoldiers spar on the mat sure could bring a smile to your face any day.

You weren't lonely by any means, you were happy with your new family that seemed to adopt you the moment you got the job, you were happy with your job, but from time to time you couldn't help but feel… hollowed. Something was not quite right, something was missing and you couldn't figure it out. Sure, you didn't have a boyfriend but that wasn't it. Every guy that hit on you just seemed wrong, you didn't feel the need to get one. You were satisfied and happy… was that enough?

You buttoned your coat to shield you against the autumn chill as you went back home. Happy suggested driving you, Tony basically commanded it but you sneaked out as he was arguing with someone on the phone, waving Happy goodbye as the elevator doors closed. You felt like walking today.

Autumn air swept past you as you walked, you looked through store windows at the TV, one reporter was talking about how there were sightings of the evil god of mischief. You stood there and stopped to look at it, could you have missed him? You remembered when you saw him at the Avengers Tower- when you first met him at the Tower- he left too soon, you fixed yourself in your own mind and watched as the reporter showed pictures after rambling about how dangerous it is.

Your heavy chest breathed again when you saw the photos- Steve's hair has not been like that in years, this was not recent. You shook your head and continued walking.

You remembered when he passed by you, you remember the chill of him that for some reason gave you warmth. And now in the cold weather you could feel it all over again on your way home. You could imagine it, and it was so real there, him being on your left, you could almost feel him breathing on your neck.

You opened your eyes and looked over your shoulder. He wasn't there.

Long story short, you were sure you were going insane- having an unexplainable crush on a god you met once upon a time, what was it? Four year ago? You hoped your mind would stop listening to your heart this one time.

You met him one time, you talked a bit before he passed by you, meeting him was rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky- that is what you told yourself at least, when days passed and you remembered him but you didn't see him again.

You shook your head again, shaking him away, you were just chasing shadows and there was no point in that. You knew that and wished logic would calm your racing heart.

•

Loki stepped into the Allfather's throne room and dismissed all the other Asgardians that were there.

"My son, what are you doing?" Odin rose up before he saw the look on Loki's face and with a raised interest he sat down as Loki went up the golden stairs.

"I have a request, it is important to me."

"And you came to ask me to grant it?" Odin raised a brow and studied the god of mischief, doubtful with every moment that went by. This sure is intriguing.

"I am afraid you are the only one that will be able to fulfill my wish." Loki's thoughts were still messy in their silence, scattered in ways he didn't try to collect. He thought about it the whole way to the palace. Even when he was satisfied here, and when he and Thor became true brothers after everything went down… it still wasn't home. It isn't home- it never was since he met you.

"Well do tell me what made you so desperate that you came to me?" Loki took a breath in.

"My love." He breathed out.

"The mortal midgardian girl?" Odin seemed to understand the situation. He never thought it would come from Loki, he never thought anyone would come to him for it, especially not the prince. "What would you want me to do?"

"The one thing only the Allfather is capable of doing." Loki lifted his head up and looked at his father with determination. He was certain with his decision.

•

Loki walked the rainbow bridge feeling different and yet the same all at once- he felt new. But with one weight lifted, another dread took its place.

Heimdall nodded at him with a small smile and Loki found himself returning it, it reminded him of the first night he came back to Asgard after meeting you in Midgard. Heimdall always knew from the start.

He stepped into the Avengers Tower, knowing that by this hour you were probably back at your apartment- at home. He stepped into the living room and found the witch, the billionaire, and the captain there sitting around on the several couches.

"Loki?"

"Captain," The god nodded to him in recognition. He wasn't quite sure what to say.

"What are you doing here?" the god walked around to stand in front of the three avengers.

"I've come to a decision."

"I used to want the Throne, father." Loki continued, "The very one you are sitting on, or the one I'd put on Midgard. As the rightful heir to the throne, and as the King of Jotunheim, I deserve that.

"I was born for it- and so, I used to want the throne. I used to think myself superior to everyone in the nine realms, the mortal midgardians out of all… that was until I met her, my love. When you met your love, father, it didn't change you. You caused ruin and shed blood and now you are sitting on a throne built on that in a world that now I am fit to rule." Loki did not let the Allfather speak in between. He deserved this, he knew that now.

"During the time you were away and under my spell, I made Asgard prosper… look how well it all turned out," he chuckled bitterly. "I used to want the throne but now I realize I just wanted to be acknowledged for my abilities, for my wit, instead of being shadowed to the side- all because you decided to pick up a baby and use it as political gain only to find it useless." Loki took a breath to close his eyes, he remembered it all, he remembered the day he found out about it all, about his glorious purpose his father planned for him.

"And Then I met my love, and she saw everything- all of that-inside me already without me having to prove it to her. She made me realize that I have nothing to prove to you- an abuser who calls himself king.

While Thor is my brother, and I acknowledge that I still am both Odinson and Laufeyson, this is not the home I thought I could make it out to be… by fixing everything else and making the people love me, fear me, acknowledge me. Even when my mother was here, I was not able to be fully myself, not here, not like I was whenever I'd sneak out of Asgard to be with her." Loki smiled, thinking about all of your moments together.

"Those were the sole moments where I felt what a home should feel like- though I never had anything to compare it to, and you made me think that somehow I should be grateful for you- for taking me here instead of dying in the cold, even though you were planning to use me as bait to gain advantage on your opponent.

Then I found her and she warmed her way into my heart and despite it all she still loves me and cares for me and I know that if I ever had a home… it wasn't on Jotunheim or here with my brother- it was with her: In a small apartment in Midgard, surrounded by mortals.

"And so, yes I am the rightful king of Jotunheim and a prince of Asgard, god of mischief… but I also have a home waiting for me in Midgard and I also am in love. And only now I realize all I want I can get, which is the home that I gave up on all those years ago- trying to make this home better. I don't want the throne anymore.

"So now, now I choose her."

"You decided to come back?" The witch leaned forward and asked him, he was about to nod when the captain spoke up.

"What about you saying that you want her to have peace?" Steve crossed his arms and rose up, "You said that as a god you won't be able to give her a peaceful life?"

"Yeah what changed in the last few years?" Tony continued sipping on his drink, casually looking over at the god with an arched eyebrow.

"Well, I came to a few realizations about her and myself which is why I am here now." Loki started, "now I can be what she needs me to be, if she will take me back."

"She still thinks of you, her thoughts are so loud sometimes." Wanda smiles at him, he is still wary with her after she saw inside of his mind. "How did you change then?"

"Well," Loki took a breath. "The ruling god, the Allfather, has the ability to revoke the immortality of a god. And so- I asked my father to take away my immortality."

They stared at him in silence, one in disbelief, one studying him, and one confused.

"So now if I stab you, you will die?" Stark asked and the god rolled his eyes.

"The Asgardian gods were never immortal, we are almost immortal, so even if you had stabbed me before I could have died- I however doubt you would have managed to do any harm to me." Loki dismissed the small man.

"Wait, what about your… magic?" Steve asked and one shrug later an identical Captain America stood in front of him, smirking.

"Patriotism, Justice, god bless America!" Loki shapeshifted back to himself before continuing, "I still have my magic, powers, and the rest of the qualities as the god that I am- that make me way above all of you- I am just not as immortal, and I will be able to live with her properly."

"So, you are like a supersoldier." Steve nodded in understanding, and Loki smiled slightly.

"Yes, but a lot more powerful and better."

Steve shook his head but let out a small laugh.

"So when are you going to see her?"

"Well, I think I wasted enough time already." Loki let out a chuckle, and he didn't even bother hiding the excitement in his blue eyes.

•

Loki hoped his excitement, as well as his nervousness, were hidden- he gave up using illusions around you a long time ago, and it was very long ago but he didn't want to use them now. This time he was going to make it right.

It was weird, not having unlimited time anymore. But his doubts about the decision stopped when you opened the door after hearing his soft knocks.

Your eyes were beautiful, they always were but he missed them terribly, now they were filled with a mix of confusion and excitement. He couldn't help the slight smirk that slipped out across his lips- at least he still had that affect on you.

You had a hard time processing who was at your doorstep, but you could already feel the butterflies blooming in your stomach. So long trying to suppress your weird crush. It seems to be inevitable now that he showed up years later.

When you saw his smirk you realized you must have been staring at him longer than you should have.

"Loki?" his name tasted weird on your tongue, you couldn't place the little spark that flew in your mind, making your head ache a bit.

He brought his hands up and with a light green glow he held blooming flowers in his hand.

"May I come in, love?" you could barely speak with the way his blue eyes shone, like moonlight against the darkness of the night like the suit he wore.

You nodded and stepped back to let him in.

You were certain that when he walked past you and handed you the flowers he had a certain glow to him, like an aura that was visible to the naked eye, it both calmed you down and overwhelmed you, so you looked away.

"These are my favourite, how did you know?"

He turned to look at you and you couldn't help but blush, wonderstruck at the little whispers you could almost hear his eyes hold, a silent question. You couldn't answer.

"I have magic, did you forget, dear?" Loki smiled when you locked the door and turned back to him. "I can read minds."

You laughed, and what a sound it was.

"That's bullshit, I didn't think about flowers now. Can you read what I'm thinking now?" you raised a brow at him, happy to call him on his bluff- you hoped it was a bluff, you'd rather the earth swallow you alive than if he could know what you're thinking while he is here.

"You are wondering what I am doing showing up at your door close to midnight." He took a step towards you. He wasn't wrong. "A little birdie told me."

You let out a nervous chuckle when you saw him standing closer now, but it turned to anger when you understood his words.

"Steve told you?" you went around him contemplating how to kill Steve, Natasha owed you a favor after all; you muttered, "That son of a bitch…"

Loki figured he will go with your answer, it is the easier answer. You came back shortly with a vase and the flowers in the water in it.

"Do not fret, those flowers are special, they have an enchantment on them so they will not die."

At least you didn't have to worry about that, he was so considerate and normal that you almost forgot about the odd situation.

"Why are you here?" You asked and clasped your hands in front of you.

"You told me to come to you if I ever plan to take on the planet again, so here I am." He smiled at you such an honest smile, and you didn't even know why he was so happy, but you knew that smile will linger in your mind like a tattoo kiss. It was so tempting to look at his lips for longer and imagine to yourself what his kiss would taste like. "If I'm honest, you've left quite an impression on me the last time we met."

"Oh?" you hoped the heat in your cheeks was not visible, you bit your lip. "Can I trust the god of mischief to be honest?"

"Of course you can, just trust me." His serious look contrasted your playful one.

"Why do only the untrustworthy people say that?" you mused and smiled at him, hoping to ease whatever tensions you felt brewing in his mind.

"Well, love, that is because the people that you know you can trust don't need to say it." He looked at his shoes and you took the time to really admire him now that he was up close and real.

"Well then, I guess you don't need to say it." You found pride in how he lifted his head and a sly smirk took over. "Do you want something to drink?"

If he was here, after all those years of only imagining him, you could ignore the odd situation just so you could make him stay a little longer this time.

"I'd like that, thank you." You invited him to your kitchen as you made yourself some tea.

"What would you like?"

"Coffee is good." He wondered how far he could take it with you, letting a gentle glow almost reach you when you turned around and he stopped.

"Coffee at midnight?" you questioned him, "Okay, what kind of coffee do you like?"

"I am a god, love, it doesn't affect me the way it affects you," he laughed when you rolled your eyes. "Pick whatever you think I would like."

You nodded at him with a shy smile. You turned away from him and made his coffee as he sat around you at the isle. You felt little tickles in your brain then. You tried to shake them off somehow but when they got stronger you winced at the slight headache.

"Are you okay, love?" god, you were already getting used to the pet name he gave you.

"Yeah, just a headache- nothing tea cannot fix." You laughed and turned back to him and the headache was gone, you couldn't help but wonder if he used his magic to heal your headache. It would be stupid to assume that though, so you stayed silent and took a sip of your tea. You gave him his cup of coffee and your hands brushed- it was one touch but you felt enough to know that he will linger on your skin.

"So tell me," you broke the silence that took over as he kept looking at you with soft eyes. He hummed and urged you to continue, "How can I help you take over earth? Where do we start?"

He laughed and you promised yourself to make sure he will laugh again. And you wanted to hold him, but you held back that urge and relished his familiar- no, comforting presence as you talked through the night.

•

From there you saw Loki around more, at work or when he would invite himself into your house at night or during your day off. You fell so easily into routine with him, he filled the space in your life that used to be vacant, you never really noticed it until he had to go to Asgard for a month to deal with a meeting. He made up for it when he came back though, walking you home that night and the next night, and the one after that…

It did nothing to sooth your crush on the god, it increased it if anything. Whenever you saw him, he would sooth the headaches you were getting lately, you could almost feel the gentle almost featherlike caresses of his magic- it had to be his magic, even if he never said anything, you saw it in his eyes.

You managed to handle it until he followed you around at work- and you were surprised when the Avengers did not even comment on it or flinch.

"You look lovely as ever, my love," he picked the necklace on your neck and your breath hitched at his closeness and the way his fingers brushed your chest and throat, "Always a sight to behold."

"Oh, Loki," you always stammered at his compliments that he shamelessly threw at you, "you're so sweet thank you, I- I have to go now, I need to go to Pepper- I have work, yes work."

You cringed to yourself as you turned around and down the hallway, only to shriek in surprise when Loki suddenly materialized in front of you, causing you to fall… almost.

Loki caught you just before you hit the ground, with a hand around your waist and the other holding your hand and bringing you upwards to him. You didn't dare say a word.

"You know that with a beauty like yours Asgardian princesses could never compare- and for your steadiness I'm certain I could teach you Asgardian ballroom dancing- to help you, of course."

As if it couldn't get worse, your cheeks were heating up, and you were caught in his eyes before he thankfully let you go.

"I assure you I am steady and not clumsy, a person appearing in front of me would catch anyone off guard!" you laughed it off.

"I am not a person, dear, I am a god." At the intense look in his eyes you clutched your hands to your side, holding in a gasp you just nodded and went around him to try and get work done.

If Pepper noticed anything, she didn't comment on it.

•

As the days went on, he became bolder and bolder and you couldn't deny that you loved him courting you this way and knowing that he only has his eyes on you. On some days he was bolder, on others you took the leap to get closer to him when you noticed he was having a bad day, and sometimes he would be so gentle with you the genuine way of it made your heart soar.

It was all gentle touches and intense eyes that you still saw when you closed your eyes in the dark of the night. It was the slowest build up that made you feel like he was always there with you, whether it was in your heart or soul or body, it surrounded you in warmness you didn't know you missed.

And then he asked you out, as you showed him your favourite spot in the park. He just laughed and smiled at you and when you asked why he held your cheeks and asked you out on a date. He wanted it done properly.

So now you stood at your home in your best dress- it was green, you found it in your closet and you liked how it matched the colour of the shirt he often wore.

The doorbell rang so you looked in the mirror one more time, seeing the dress and the necklace he seemed to love. You looked around the dimly lit room and the set table and once you were sure everything was ready- you opened the door.

And there he was in all his glory, you couldn't have stopped the smile you shone at him even if you tried, he seemed to have that affect on you. You could see royalty on him, you could feel it, even when he stood there with a simple black suit.

"Hello dear," he looked you up and down, remembering another night you wore this very same dress, only you didn't wear that necklace, not yet. "You look ravishing."

"As do you, I really like this suit on you." You brushed your hand on his chest, straightening the tie. "Come on in."

Loki stepped into the room, appreciating the memories he has of all of your date nights, even those that you had before the two of you got together. He appreciated every single one of them.

Then he once again looked at you, the candles giving you a glowing aura, making you shine and his breath left him speechless.

The light reflected the chain on your neck, the one he gave you all those nights ago, that faithful night.

"Loki? What are you hiding there?" you laughed at him as you tried to circle him and see what he was clasping behind his back. Only to see green lights as he made whatever it was disappear with a smug smile on his face. "Hey that's not fair!"

He put his hands on your hips and pulled you to him as you tried, and failed, to stay stern.

"You are dating a trickster, love, you brought this on yourself." He laughed at you as a giggle escaped you before you again tried to drop the smile that gave away your true emotions. "It's your fault that you love me!"

His laugh stopped when he saw the wondering look in your eyes and he realized what he had said. Then he backed away from you.

Shaking his head, he laughed it off before putting on a smile that you knew was a cover for his true emotions. He pulled out a golden box, you had never seen something like this before. You knew he was distracting you but chose to let it go- for now, at least.

He looked at you with gleaming eyes, urging you on as you held it and opened it.

You caught your breath when you saw a golden necklace laid inside it. It was fairly simple, but it was golden and even had a glow around it. The pendant of the necklace was a simple circle that held a weird S shaped symbol on it. You looked at Loki as he took it out and held it in his hand.

"What is it, Loki?"

"That, my love, is my symbol. Two snakes circling each other, biting each other's tails, and in a way- they symbolize me."

"That is beautiful, Loki, thank you." You traced the symbol delicately- it was intricate but you could tell it was hand carved. You let him put it on you.

"This way, you will have a part of me wherever you go."

You held back tears and tuned around to face him, jumping in and hugging him close.

"You were right before, you know, I've been meaning to tell you this anyway." You pulled back only by an inch but he went and sat on the couch, so you went ahead and sat on his lap, letting his arms circle you.

"What do you mean?" he asked nervously.

"I love you."

Norns, he was so afraid to tell you back then, but now he wasn't afraid, and all he had to do was wait. He was willing to wait until you were ready, he hoped the light spells he had been casting were doing their work well, he hoped it won't be long.

•

You woke up in your bed, smiling at the golden daylight, you turned around and reached for the other side of the bed, happy to see Loki was still asleep.

It was rare to see him like this- peacefully sleeping. You lightly traced his face, careful with the light bruises he came home with. They were already healing but you still didn't like seeing them. You convinced Loki to let you clean them up, he argued about how he is a god, and yet he let you do it anyway.

"Good morning, beautiful." He murmured, still half sleeping, he grasped your hand in his and kissed the inside of your wrist.

"Good morning, handsome." You smiled at him. "You said I have you for the week, right?"

"I'm all yours, my dear." He pulled you closer now, "I have a few ideas on how to spend these days…"

You laughed and let him kiss you, you were just happy to have him home.

It was a few hours later that morning that you got out of bed, groaning at your sore muscles and chuckling to yourself at the smell of the burnt toast, it was only Sunday.

You put on his shirt and stepped outside to the kitchen.

"Will you ever not burn the toast?" he shrugged at the comment but didn't reply as he tried to break an egg into the pan.

"This is ridiculous." He grumbled to himself. "After all this time and I still don't get it."

"You didn't try to do this that long." You chuckled as he finally gave up and used his magic. "You have only been here with me for like half a year now."

"Right," he fixed himself, quickly coming back to you and serving you your breakfast the way he remembered you used to like.

"Thanks, Loki." You kissed his cheek as he sat next to you. "But how about you take the first bite?"

You bit your tongue to stop yourself from smirking.

"Now, darling, there is no need for that."

"Sure there is, I'll be very amused." You laughed at the look he gave you and how he tickled your side.

"I am not amused."

"You know, for an Asgardian you sound so British."

"False, English people sound like Asgardians." He pointed a fork at you before he ate from your breakfast, you joined in only after he approved of it to your surprise.

You sipped on your tea, sighing at the perfect morning you got to enjoy. That was when you realized that you are in love. In love with a god. You read books after you met him, you knew that this wouldn't last.

"How are your bruises? They seem to be healing okay, do they hurt?" you brushed away a strand of hair out of his face.

"I told you, darling-"

"I know, I know, you're an immortal Asgardian god, you can handle wounds like these." You laughed and hoped he wouldn't see through it. That was the one sentence from the book you read that haunts your brain. It made you remember a sunset, but you've never been with Loki to a sunset, maybe you should go sometime.

"Actually, Asgardian gods are just almost immortal. But I am not immortal anymore." He said, sensing your anxiety, hoping that this information will make it all okay, hoping you will realize that this will last.

"What? Why not?" you should not be delighted by the news, you should be worried of him getting hurt now.

"I decided to give up my immortality, while I still am a god and I assure you I am just as strong as I was before," he took your hand in his and looked into your eyes. "I decided that I want a better, more peaceful, life."

"But why would you-" you shook your head.

"I had my reasons." He kissed the back of your hand,

You nodded to him and looked away, a sinister kaleidoscope of butterflies of hope rose in your stomach.

Maybe some things last forever after all.

•

"I am both terrified and excited." You held onto Loki's arm for support, praying to any god out there that you won't mess it up and stumble.

The gown you were wearing was golden, with a dark glimmer to it, Loki was matching you in his royal suit in black, green, and gold. Loki finally took you to a ball a year into your relationship, you asked to celebrate it here and he complied

Asgard was beautiful, though you were getting a bit lightheaded from it all, it got worse when you entered the ballroom.

"I told you." Loki leaned in to whisper to you as you took in the scenery.

"What?"

"You are more beautiful than any Asgardian princesses in their best dresses." Heat rushed to your cheeks at the compliment, remembering when he so casually said it to you at the tower.

Loki remembered the night he taught you to dance, the one he finally kissed you and told you those same words.

Loki made sure to keep you away from Odin, and put an armor of magic around the two of you, hoping it would ease your headaches. And then you danced in your own little world, around and around until you got tired and Loki took you home.

•

Half a year later you were going to sleep, Loki was right there beside you, holding you close to him as you laid your head on his chest.

"Goodnight, my love."

"Goodnight… I love you."

"I love you too." Your lover kissed your head and then as you closed your eyes you felt the same tingles in your brain that you started to get whenever you went to sleep or even when you went to work.

Soon enough you fell asleep and your dreams took you along.

You wandered along places with Loki beside you. You were there with him on a high hill, staring at the sunset. "I'll treasure this moment forever." You heard him tell you but you didn't hear him- no, it was something else. You smiled at him and suddenly you were in your apartment, and you were smiling as he kissed you, you saw two paper airplanes flying around and he said- talked to you. "I told you my way was better." You heard yourself laughing at him and felt yourself bringing him back to a kiss. You were there with him as you ran through the trees until you stopped and climbed up, where was this again? "Come on, Loki, I now a place we won't be found." You giggled to him- no- you heard yourself giggling. Was this a dream anymore? With the growing headache this must be a nightmare. Since when do you have vivid dreams like this? Your apartment looked different as you danced around it with Loki. "I bet you'll look just as beautiful in an Asgardian dress. Like a true Asgardian goddess." But no- he couldn't have told you that there. You felt ecstatic as he leaned in to kiss you right there, it's your first kiss. No, it wasn't. You felt it all, you knew this was inevitable. Did you know that? Your head was spinning as you saw that golden necklace you found in your drawer. "It has my symbol on it, two snakes circling each other," biting each other's tails. No, you must have read it somewhere. Then you walked towards the spot in the park that you loved, at least that was familiar. "You will get a cold if you keep sitting in the rain, don't you have an umbrella?"Loki looked at you, he seems so much younger, you got shivers from his blue eyes. Your head hurt more and more, you didn't know where you were. All you felt was confusion. You saw the bifrost and there you saw the man with the golden eyes greeting you, he knew you- he knew everything. Did you know? "Do you remember?" Loki came home to you, with a fake smile which turned real when he said "I love you." He loved you. In Asgard yet again, why were you saying goodbye? "Promise you'll get me back, Loki." And then he bowed- but you already knew he was going to do that, the dream didn't have to tell you- "I'll see you around, my love." You remembered.

"I'm going to miss you, even if I won't know it." You did miss him, you missed him all along.

You waked, shot up from Loki's grip, with a hand over your mouth. You could hear the hushed whispers of memories in the silence of the bedroom; you could feel him on the way home even when you had nothing but his necklace; you could see it all now in a kaleidoscope of memories playing with the lights out. You were in love with him- you were in love with him over and over again. You never stopped loving him.

Now you saw it all: yes Loki was your lover, but before that- a lot of things happened before that, he was your best friend.

Loki woke up to the strange look on your face, rising up to be face to face with you. You paused before looking at him and he teared up at what he saw.

"You're my best friend." He saw you- his love- and now you saw him. And he knew what it was, you came back to him.

He took you in and held you close in a hug, laughing as tears ran both of your faces.

"So, 1989." He brought you in for a chaste kiss.

"What?"

"It's been 1989 days since the last time you remembered me." You chuckled.

"Took me that long?"

"It felt like an eternity." You tentatively caressed his cheek.

"Why did you give up eternity for me?" you asked him and he laughed as if it was obvious.

"The only way to survive eternity is to be able to appreciate each moment- and I couldn't do that, not without you." He pressed a kiss to the palm of your hand, "and now- now I get to spend my eternity with you."

You leaned in to kiss him once more, savoring it, you knew: You were ready to fall in love with him all over again.

You lost each other, but you found each other again, and somehow that was everything.

•

Tags: @ayybtch @buckys-other-punk @chaoticpete @madcrazy50 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @the-departed-potato @rogerrhqpsody @onceupona-happilyeverafter-love @percabethismyotp14

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kirah69 · 3 years

Text

Hills Animal Home [Petopher]

Day 3: "Stop coming back"

For the @petopher-events

Tags: pre-slash, animal shelter, mentions of covid-19

[It's not betaed so if you find any mistake, let me know]

[AO3 link]

Hills Animal Home

The Hills Animal Home was an animal shelter that had opened at the beginning of the pandemic. Many pet owners abandoned their animals with the stupid idea that they could get infected by them. The shelter saved them from almost certain death. The place was big, it was on the outskirts of Beacon Hills, bordering to other two towns. The main building had space for a veterinary clinic with an operating room and spacious rooms for sick animals. Behind the building there were several square yards divided in areas for cats, dogs and other animals. There were big kennels for them to sleep outside if they so wanted and also closed huts with beds if it was cold outside. There were also large play areas with little trees to climb for the cats and lots of toys to play for the dogs. And everything was clean and cared for thanks to all the workers there. They did not receive any help from the State or the County, but it was rumored that the owner was some millionaire animal lover.

Chris hadn't paid much attention to it, but as the pandemic dragged on and things in Beacon Hills had settled down, he felt lonely and bored. He had had dogs when he was younger. Well, they were hunting dogs, and he wasn't allowed to treat them with love like any other family would do. He wanted to do it right this time.

He went to Hills Animal Home early on a weekday, when he was less likely to meet other people there. He put on his mask before getting out of the car. There was a woman in her seventies at the reception desk, her white hair in a bun and dressed in a striking pink flower shirt. She gave him a big smile as he approached the counter, or that was what he thought giving that he couldn't see her face behind the mask.

“Welcome! What can I do for you?” she asked.

“I want to buy a dog.”

“Adopt.”

“Huh?” Chris frowned.

“We don't sell dogs, we have them up for adoption,” she explained. “Would you like to adopt a dog?”

“Yes, I... I want to adopt a dog, please.”

He suspected they would charge him some money later with whatever excuse, but he already intended to pay so he didn't care. The woman called someone through an intercom, and another woman appeared. This one was a bit younger but not by much. She was wearing a skirt suit and had a folder in her hand.

“Hello, I'm Miranda. And you are...”

“Argent. Chris Argent.”

“Pleased to meet you,” she said with a little bow without even holding out her hand. Chris had to consciously refrain from doing so. “Come with me, I have some questions for you before we consider you qualified for adoption.”

Chris opened his mouth and closed it again. What was she talking about? He only wanted a dog.

As he learned in the following minutes, it wasn't that easy. Not here at least. These dogs had suffered a lot from the abandonment and even abuse, and they had no intention of handing them over to the first guy who walked through the door. She asked him a lot of questions about his daily life, about his house, his job, his previous pets, his family... He commented that it was a bit invasive (even more than a job interview), and Miranda told him that he was not obliged to answer, but then he would leave without a dog.

It seemed that his answers were satisfying enough, and he was allowed to go see the dogs. What he didn't expect was to find Peter Hale there. He was dressed in casual clothes (more casual than Chris had ever seen him) and was playing with the dogs. There was at least eight of them jumping around him while others ran after the balls he threw at them. He had a big smile on his face. A real smile. Chris had never seen him like that.

When Peter felt someone approaching, he took a mask out of his pocket and put it on. It was strange since Chris was pretty sure that werewolves couldn't get infected. Then Peter realized who he was and stood still. As if following his lead, all the dogs stopped jumping and running and looked toward Chris.

“To what do I owe this visit?” he asked coming closer.

“Mr. Argent is qualified for adoption,” Miranda said, handing Peter a clipboard.

“Thank you, Miranda,” Peter nodded and took the clipboard without taking his eyes from Chris. “You can go back inside.”

“Okay. Good luck, Mr. Hale,” she said and left.

Chris wasn't sure why he needed luck, but he nodded anyway.

“So you came to adopt a dog,” Peter said. It wasn't a question. He took a look at Miranda's report and left it on a table full of toys and treats.

“Do I get to choose?” Chris asked and wasn't surprised by Peter's answer.

“Of course not,” he said with a snort. “You only get to choose if you want a small one or a big one.”

“I don't really care, but I have enough space for a big one.”

“Good. Get one of those and play with them,” Peter said, pointing to the toys on the table.

Chris didn't know why, but he just took one of the knotted ropes and followed Peter to a more open area. The dogs relaxed as soon as Peter did and some of them came to Chris and started playing with him. Peter played with them too, and the man looked the most relaxed Chris had ever seen him, even if the 'wolf kept an eye on him all the time. He looked almost... happy?

Chris wasn't sure how long they were there and for what exactly, but he was having fun so he didn't mind. At some point, Peter walked up to him and with just a couple of gestures, all the dogs turned away except for one. It was dark brown, and Chris couldn't guess what breed, probably a mixed-breed, but he didn't care.

“This is Burger,” Peter said, petting its head. “I think he'll be perfect for you.”

“Burger,” Chris repeated arching an eyebrow. “Can I change his name?”

“No. And you can't turn him into a hunting dog either. I'll make sure of it,” Peter said with a clear threat in his voice.

“I won't. I don't work like that anymore,” Chris answered truthfully.

Peter looked at him, and maybe he was satisfied with his steady heartbeat because he just nodded.

“Let's go to my office.”

The three of them went back into the building and got into a small office with windows to the back yard. Peter sat behind the desk and Chris in front of him with Burger at his feet.

“You're the owner of this place, right?” Chris asked while Peter took out some documents.

“What gave it away?” Peter said sarcastic.

“Why?” That was what he had been wondering from minute one.

Peter shrugged.

“Because I can.”

“A lot of people could, but you did it. Why?”

Peter left some papers in front of him and leaned back in the chair with a pensive expression. He probably wasn't thinking of his reasons for opening an animal shelter, but if he should tell him.

“Cora left, Derek left, most of the McCall pack has left, including the alpha. And now this fucking pandemic and the first thing people do is abandon their pets as if they were not part of the family. The same assholes that refuse to wear a mask,” Peter said almost with a growl.

Pack. That was what this was for Peter, a pack. He was there for the same reason as Chris, he felt lonely.

“Why do you wear it, a mask?” Chris asked curiously while he started to fill the papers.

Peter seemed grateful for the change of subject.

“I may not get sick, but I don't know if I can carry it and infect others. Although it's mostly as an example for my workers.”

“I didn't think you were so aware.”

Chris signed the papers and gave them back. Peter was looking at him with narrowed eyes.

“You don't know me at all, Argent.” Peter got up and went to the office door. “Take care of him, let us know if you need anything and don't forget about the vaccines. You can vaccinate him here or at your own vet,” he said almost like a robot.

Chris hooked Burger to a new leash and left the office with him. Peter disappeared through a door, and Chris took his new dog home.

Not even three weeks later, Chris was back at the Hills Animal Home. Again in the morning of a weekday. Peter appeared immediately at the reception desk with an angry look.

“If you're here to return him-.”

“No, no, Burger is wonderful,” Chris hurried to say. “He's quickly adapted to the house and is a fantastic boy.”

“I'm glad. Why are you here then?” Peter relaxed a bit and rounded the desk towards him.

“I thought... Maybe Burger would feel better with a friend.”

Yeah, that's why he was there, there was no other reason. Right.

“Well, dogs are pack animals so yes, I think it'd be a good idea. Beside, you have the means to take care of both.”

Peter gestured for Chris to follow him, and they went to the dogs enclosure.

“Should I take Burger too,” Chris asked at the door.

“Of course, it's gonna be his companion after all.”

And just like that, they spent a couple of hours playing with the dogs. Peter laughed, he really laughed even if Chris could not see it with the mask, but the sound of it was... The dogs, he had to focus on the dogs. Yeah, he was there for the dogs. Fuck.

Chris left the shelter with a golden retriever with only three legs that jumped higher than any other dog. His name was Nigel. And no, he couldn't change it.

“Stop coming back!” Peter almost whined when Chris returned to the shelter two weeks later. “You're not getting another dog, two are enough for now!”

Chris opened his mouth and closed it again. Burger and Nigel were with him and greeted Peter cheerfully.

“I wasn't... I didn't want another... dog...” Okay, now he didn't have an excuse to be there.

“Then what?” Peter asked, crossing his arms. Chris' eyes went straight to his cleavage (you couldn't blame him). Why was he wearing a V-neck instead of casual clothes like the other days? And why did it have to be so wide? “Oh, I see.”

“What?” He was glad that the mask partially hid his face. Surely he had blushed (which was ridiculous for a man his age).

“You don't need to adopt a dog to get a date.”

“I-I don't-,” Chris stammered.

“I can smell it, Chris, even through the mask. Knowing you, you'd fill your house with dogs before you muster up the courage to ask me out,” Peter sighed, rolling his eyes.

He gave the dogs a treat and turned to the back door while Chris looked at him speechless.

“Pick me up at five!” he said before disappearing.

Well, he now had two dogs and a date. That was a lot more than what he had five weeks ago.

#Teen wolf #Petopher #chris argent #peter hale #fanfic #fanfiction #covid mention #covid19 #animals #dogs #pre slash #gay #yaoi #petopher events

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etlunainmorte · 4 years

Text

"WHAT THE FFFUUUCCCKKK?!"

Christopher wailed helplessly for seemingly the sixtieth time that evening. He has been brought by an unknown force to many places he hasn't even seen, and in a space of only thirty minutes, it was safe to say that he has traveled all four or so corners, and nooks and crannies, of the planet Earth.

And now, he found himself standing at the edge of the cliff, staring down from a height where he could fall down, down, down into the deep, vast ocean where the waves crashed wildly, with no hope of coming back up alive.

"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!" Christopher was truly about to stumble down when a strong hand grabbed his already wrinkled coat, saving him from his demise.

"I GIVE UP!" The doctor finally cried in defeat. "I GIVE UP!"

"Come again?" Came the threatening voice of the man behind him. The man who was responsible for all of these unwanted travels.

"I GIVE UP! I'M SORRY! I WILL NEVER INTERFERE AGAIN!"

"Ah, I can't quite hear you." Vergil simply answered. "The waves are too loud. But, where shall we go next? The Himalayas? The Amazon? Or perhaps the - ?"

"STOP! PLEASE! NOT THE HIMALAYAS AGAIN! I'M SORRY!" Christopher cried helplessly. "I'LL,... I'LL GIVE THE NECKLACE BACK. JUST,... PLEASE! BRING ME BACK HOME!"

"And you swear it?"

"YES! YES!"

"Very well." Vergil replied, and after another slash of the Yamato, Christopher and him were back to Swan Lane in mere seconds.

Christopher collapsed on the ground, almost worshipping the dirty asphalt for seeing and feeling it once more. Then, fishing the necklace from his pocket, he turned around to see the eldest son of Sparda looking down at him.

"Here, man, take it!" Christopher said as he handed the trinket back to Vergil.

"And I hope you learned your lesson." Vergil spoke as calmly as he could as he took the thing from Christopher's hand. He knew that the man would have no reason to lie now, and should he find him doing it again, he'll take it upon himself to make him face even greater consequences than ever before ( he was strongly debating whether to leave the doctor on an indigenous island tribe who still used poison darts to assault invaders but, he took mercy upon him and avoided the place altogether ).

"Yes! Yes! I swear I will be good!"

"Very well, then." Vergil nodded, then turned on his heel.

Christopher waited for Vergil to disappear and only then did he finally try to get up. Thinking with gusto on what to have for breakfast ( for it was, indeed, almost morning ), he simply walked back home without calling for a taxi ( luckily, he didn't drop his cellphone on the way to Nairobi ). Opening the door and going straight to his kitchen, he opened his fridge and found,... nothing.

Thinking that his eyes might only be tired from seeing too much within a single night, he closed the fridge and blinked several times. Then, he opened the fridge once more. Still nothing.

"What,... the hell?" Christopher muttered under his breath.

His hunger almost consuming him, he began ransacking the shelves for anything to eat, anything at all. But, it was useless.

Someone stole all of his food!

Collapsing on the chair, he tried to stifle his screams of frustration as he grabbed fistfuls of his hair when he saw a piece of paper on the table right in front of him.

Curious, he grabbed the paper and read the words written on it.

Kittee an I ate all yer foods

It was yummee

Bydawei (Y/N)'s pupels tot me da alfebet last kreesmas and I learnt how ta wraite

Thankz fer da meal!

Yum yum yum

- Griffin

Can we go bak next time? Da mufens r hella delishas! Will bring Nitemerr too! He sez he wants ta see ya!

And at the bottom of the letter was a drawing of a frazzled - looking bird, with fierce - looking red eyes, in different shades of blue. And beside it, an illustration of a black cat with red eyes with the words, haha! Kittee gos mrreow! written next to it.

That damned poet's pets,... ate all of his damned food!

"FFFUUUCCCKKK!"

***

🌸 Three Wishes 🌸

***

The start of the new year proved to be very fruitful for you. First of all, Christopher Lancaster has moved to a different city that was very far from Swan Lane ( you found it strange that Griffon and Shadow seemed to be saddened by this fact ). Avery and Roman finally shared the good news to everyone ( you were not that surprised, actually, but all of you were very happy for the couple, nonetheless ). Your grandmother and Fleminger started seeing each other more and more and they both looked very happy ( once, Fleminger even visited the kindergarten you were working at and gave a musical instrument to each child, not to mention the more than generous sum he donated a week prior ). Dante left alone for Gaoltown on a mysterious gig he didn't want to share with others ( he didn't divulge the full details of the commission but, Morrison did spill that the client this time needed more than an Exorcist, and because of that, you have a strong feeling of what the Devil Hunter would be facing there ). Lady and Trish took turns watching over Dante's shop at Morrison's behest ( said they have this ladies' night thing going on and that they were working so hard because of this ). Nero went on more Devil Hunting missions with Nico ( Kyrie started tagging along, cooking foods for them and assisting Nico with Breaker repairs ). And Vergil? Let's just say he was busy with something,...

What about you and V?

For one, you have witnessed how V's demeanor changed for the better. As a matter of fact, he felt so different now compared to how he was the first time you've met him. Now, he smiled a lot, ate more than ever before, and most importantly, he finally allowed himself to loosen up a bit and have fun.

Also, you're very happy to see how well he has gotten along with your students ( he insisted on visiting there every once in a while, either to play the violin or to read fairy tales ), that, over time, the children has gotten attached to him. So, he finally made the decision to apply there as a substitute teacher ( he can't focus on a full time teaching job because he was still active as a Devil Hunter ), and, honestly? You were beyond thrilled and excited. You even began looking forward to the days when it was his turn to teach because, every time he whips up fun tales for the children to listen to, he would always ask Griffon and Shadow to act out as the main characters ( the demonic bird was already asked to play as an astronaut who got lost in space, a pirate who can't swim, and a Genie who can't cook barbecue, and the demonic feline was already made to play a mermaid who turned into a hair brush, a warrior who came out of a durian, and a witch who turn swine into fish ). On some rare cases, the generous poet, along with his pet demons, would play tirelessly with the children for hours on end until the familiars got so tired, they turned into their stalemate states a few times.

And what about outside your work? Honestly, you couldn't ask for anything else, for you felt so content and satisfied with V by your side. He has even taken a vast interest with your full - time occupation as a pianist ( being a surprisingly talented musician, himself ). He never missed any of your concours and he has become your biggest fan ( he would always kindly ask to play something with you if you're not busy ).

At times, you didn't know, or couldn't figure out, what you did to deserve such a very loving, thoughtful, and wonderful person. Your wounds of your past has now fully healed, thanks to V, and everyday, you look forward to seeing him and spending the rest of the day with him. You never stopped thanking the Heavens for granting you this wonderful opportunity of being together with the most loving, caring, and gentle man you have ever met.

Indeed, with V by your side, you have become the happiest woman on earth.

February 14, 2020

" ... and we can handle the rest. No worries!"

You still couldn't understand. Your partner's back! And what's more, she's with Vergil!

Vergil Sparda, of all people!

The two were graciously asking you to take a rest from teaching, taking over as teachers for the day to make up for the lost time ( your partner has been absent for quite a while ). And honestly? The two were doing a pretty good job ( you were a bit scared of what the students would think of Vergil, turned out he was fond of children deep beneath his stoic and intimidating shell, and they easily fell in love with him ) that you instantly felt confident of their skills.

But, work matters aside: Vergil was, indeed, the man who has been visiting your partner since last year! The man has been trying so hard to win her affections over the holidays, hence his absence from Devil hunting missions! And you saw that he has finally succeeded! The smile on his face said so!

And your partner? She looked positively radiant! And she should be! She's finally together with someone who deserved her love and kindness!

Finally, she would no longer feel heartbroken and lonely, and she could focus more on her violin now!

"It's alright, (Y/N)." Vergil reiterated as he handed a stuffed tiger to a little girl. "We can take it from here."

"Thank you, Vergil." You said, smiling at him and feeling so grateful for his initiative and generosity.

"No. Thank you. For taking care of my brother." The eldest son of Sparda answered. "I have never seen V so happy. And content. And full of life. He has changed, and for the better. I'm sure mother would be so proud of you, and she would feel honored to have you as a new member of the Sparda family,... little sister."

"Oh! I," you mumbled, suddenly feeling the heat creep up your cheeks and ears at the thought of marrying into the Sparda family. " ... thank you so much, Vergil."

"Come on, (Y/N), it's the fourteenth of February!" Your partner playfully told you as she held onto your arm. "You know what it means, don't you?"

"I don't know about that!" You lied with a shy smile, already feeling excited for this wonderful day.

"Go on! I'm sure he's waiting for you outside." Your partner let you go and practically pushed you out of the room with a mischievous look.

Giving the couple one last look before going out, you waved at them and said, "Thanks, guys!"

"You're welcome, (Y/N)."

"No problem, partner!"

Wearing a smile that could only be described as full of love and happiness, you went outside the colorful kindergarten building and, indeed, saw V waiting for you outside. And what's more, he was atop a jet black motorcycle that made your eyes widen in awe.

With a devilish smirk, V gestured for you to join him and said, "Nero persuaded me to get my own vehicle, since we would not be getting Nico's services for the next couple of months."

"That,... looks positively badass!" You admitted as you received your helmet from him. "Is this what you're trying to learn last month? How to ride a motorcycle?"

"Indeed." V answered as he felt your arms wrapping around his mid section. "Surprised?"

"Yeah!" You answered as you watched him wear his own helmet.

"Where to, my sweet lady?" V asked, his deep voice laced with mischief and excitement.

And with a little smirk of your own, you said, leaning onto him, "Wherever your heart desires, my dear poet."

***

🐦 Griffon's love letter is brought to you by my one and only little chicken, @lilttlechicken . Thank you so much for the help and support! 🐦

🌸 Thank you so much for the love and support, guys! By the way, there is a running joke / trend in every chapter of this fic. Let me know in the comments section if you noticed it, and I might give you a little gift. ;) 🌸

🌸 @la-vita , @dreaming-gamer , @birdgirl69 , and @v-vic . 🌸

***

...

"V,..." The poet heard Dante's voice from a distance. "V! Wake up!"

V opened his eyes and saw the worried look on Dante and Griffon's faces.

"V," Dante muttered as he grabbed the poet's shoulders, helping him sit and trying to wake him up by shaking him a bit. " ... are you okay? What happened?"

"I thought you're done for, V!" Griffon, who gently landed on his leg, sounded like he was crying in despair.

V felt his eyes getting heavy and hot with unshed tears, and there was a growing pain in his chest that was beginning to feel more and more like a massive inconvenience. His hand reached up and clutched it, feeling emptier and lonelier than ever before.

"I saw her." The poet began, his voice hoarse and raw with emotion after such a shocking and harrowing experience. "As a dancer, a musician, a teacher, a patient, a partner, a lover,... " Looking into Dante's eyes, he let out those words that nagged and gnawed on his conscience, begging to be freed after such a long time. "It has always been her, Dante."

"What do you mean by that, V?"

"It was (Y/N). We were always together. It has always been her. And her alone." Taking a deep breath, he finally set those tears of his free from their deep, jade prison and declared, with a clear voice, "(Y/N),... is, indeed, my soulmate."

Leaving the poet for a while, Dante stood and marched directly towards the one who caused V all this misery.

The one woman, dressed from head to toe in black, who mourned for the lost of her love.

For many centuries.

"Azalea," Dante began, looking down at her and trying to get through her intimidating shell one more time. But, he still couldn't. " ... what happened to V? What did you do to him?"

The woman named Azalea returned Dante's worried gazr, her pair of gold rose eyes that shed so many tears seemingly penetrating the depths of his own soul.

And with a look that made the Legendary Devil Hunter realize how weak he really was before her, she spoke,...

"I opened,... his eyes."

***

V and Dante will return.

***

🌸🌸🌸

***

#vitale sparda #devil may cry 5 #three wishes #v x reader #v x you #epilogue

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linhkcao · 5 years

Text

The moment I realize I can move on

As someone who is not naturally articulate and thus take the comfort (sometimes misery) of holding back thoughts and emotions, I’ve forced myself to record this time, no matter how broken it may end up sounding. What a transitive moment I’m in now, a mental milestone. A deep, great sadness of realization as it may be, I know it’ll help me reach the next level of freedom and self-acceptance. After a chain of exhausting days, I’ve allowed myself to be “officially sick” today. I’m gonna slow down. Thinking about what I’m thinking. Before throwing myself back into the madness of life.

I’m a wallflower to the core. The one that always watch, but never get involved, they say. Or am I? There are many moments where I was absolutely expressive and cheerful, like I’m living the time of my life. And I share that positive vibe to everyone I interact with. But there is no expected pattern of how and when that more attractive version of me show up. Recent recall was a couple weeks ago when “she” came to the rescue at an interview and secured me a job offer, I walked out of the building with an impression of “what the heck just happened? Was that me?!”. The thrilled joy, though, is short-lived. As I quickly realize that the worse-in-nearly-all-aspects version now will have to figure out how to meet high expectations from both myself and other people, built by “her”. It’s like “BOOM!!! Surprise biatch~ just saved you clumsy nerd from an awkward situation, congratulations we made it and now YOU take care of the rest! buh byeee~” every time.

Among expectations built, many I’m still fighting for, and for some I realized it’s time to give up for good. And you guess right, the tone is set up for the latter. The record of yesterday events in sequence, though not and end-to-end story, is the straw that broke the camel’s back. Here it goes...

I woke up with an annoying headache from a shortage of sleep as usual, rushed to the Turtle lake and took the school bus to Binh Duong, the place I would only travel to when I have to. It was kinda my favorite moment of a day though. I would always end up at the most front seat on the the right. Settled down. Eyes half-closed. The squeezing feeling all over my head and in the back of my eyes starts to soften thanks to the blend of gentle air-con wind and early morning sunlight, a cleanliness of smell, and my chill love song playlist aka the sleeping therapy. It is opposed to travelling by bike or taxi, now I actually hope the distance was longer! Normally that could be enough extra energy charged for me to survive a normal day at school. But yesterday was no ordinary day. I had no lectures but instead a group project in which we were struggling with an unfamiliar software. I was in charge of running the software while the other two did the writings. Just the night before I felt like a loser and almost gave up, but as the next morning, sitting down with the team, we gradually figured out everything. I felt so relieved. Perhaps it was not difficult after all. Maybe I was just freaked out with something I’m not used to and assume it's unsolvable.

Midday time, accompanied by the brutal sun, is when my tension headache gets at its worse. I skipped lunch and walked some heavy steps to the first-aid office, only to find it was being locked. Right, the lady must've been having lunch. Lying down at the feather chair in front, I pretended to get absorbed into my Iphone like a normal youngster nowadays instead of staring into nowhere and letting out my fatigue like a depressed person. Crazy how I still cared about what other people think even when it felt like my body was about to give out! And there she came from afar, the first aid staff lady; I turned my head and gave her the “I was waiting for you” smile (most honest smile ever), and she returned the “You’ll be okay now kiddo” smile. The first aid office is where I often come to take a nap after a test, or anytime I’m about the “shut down”. I call it VGU 5 star hotel.

The nap didn’t go well as I hoped, still I had to get up for the mini concert rehearsal, and apparently there are other people like me who are waiting to get their battery charged too (there are only 2 beds). The rehearsal was smooth, was no stress, and eventually better than the actual performance (what a shock). But then came the freaking rain. I blamed it for my bad mood, for my guitarist’s bike’s breakdown. And as we was just starting to come back to Saigon, his bike even had a flat tire. This is it, I thought, can’t get any worse!

I appreciate that my friend was very patient handling the situation, he was searching for mobile repairers and called each one of them. So I was resolved not to show any impatience although I was burning inside, the unfinished project still awaits me at home and seriously I was so desperate for some real sleep so I could make it to class for the presentation. I told him that I’d wait on the pavement to relieve the weight so he could go fixe his bike then come back afterwards. 30 minutes passed by... It was dark and remote as hell, and the last open restaurant which I sat nearby may close very soon. I made up my mind that I couldn't take a taxi or grab bike alone with such a far distance at this time of the day, so my only hope was that the guitarist friend woud have no further trouble and come back pick me up soon. My bestie even asked for the location details, in case I get kidnapped she could know how to report to the police lmao. And my professor was very worrying; she asked why I didn’t just simply stay in the dorm overnight...

Then it strike me how much I wanted to go back to Saigon, nearly at all costs. Even just for another 4-hour sleep then going to Binh Duong again, even when it’s super late and rainy. Am I crazy? I didn't care about rationality. I just wanted to go back.

But the actual turning point goes back to the concert, held at BD Conference & Exhibition center. It was prepared with dedication, passion, hard work, and joy, by tons of members from 2 biggest clubs in VGU. I’m thankful to be a small link in the whole chain.

The vocal quality as well as songs selection this year was really amazing. I sang “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran with anh Nguyen, the guitarist mentioned above. And although the performance was far from being perfect, I heard from several friends that they enjoyed it “beautiful singing”, “u still lit”, “it made me happy”, they even recorded and sent me... And trust me, I’m only glad because I could make some of the audiences happy, it was the only consolation at the end of the day. I personally and honestly didn’t understand those compliments, nor did I feel anything about the song, about the fact that I was a part of this concert. I came onto the stage, the extreme light beamed at us and all I could see are black-colored audiences. I didn’t see their faces, I didn’t have a clue how they were feeling. Were they bored or satisfied? It’s not about what the answer is, it’s about me having absolutely no belief in my performance. It was all acting, no emotions. Why can I say so, because I know what is like to “have belief” while singing. it’s when you just sing your hearts out and don’t give a damn on how the audience look like because you know they’re feeling with you, you don’t need to make sure by checking their facial expression and guessing if they’re satisfied or not.

I always talk to myself, no matter what bad things happen during the day, if at the end of the day when I lie down and about to sleep, I feel good, then it means I’ve had a good day. It was the same expectation towards the concert. I was hoping it could be a happy, memorable ending to my 4 boring years at VGU.

I know for sure there are many students like me at VGU who don’t feel any connection to the school nor other people at the campus. I’m not alone. But instead of being cool about it like many could do (you just simple seek another environment where you fit in), I was freak out. I was longing for the sense of belonging to this university, after I made a tough choice to leave home, leaving a mess behind me and move forward, I was an excited fresh who wanted VGU to be a happy, inspiring part of my youth. At the same time, I was all by myself. My brother was at the time struggling with his own marriage. Vi Anh is in Hanoi and we only chatted once in a while. My is in Japan, for years we nearly had no contact and I thought at some point I must let her go... Doug and Nhi went to BYU and I thought I might lose them as well... Other close friends were also away. I was lonely, i was desperate, i was ashamed.

For the record, there was an only truly happy and long lasting moment relating to VGU. It was the trip to Binh Lap with anh Quan, anh Huy, and Thien Tam. If you guys ever come across this note, I wanna thank you. It was the best thing happened to me during my VGU years.

This fourth year has been mind-blowing to me. I skipped the first semester to stay in Saigon for a part time job. And in the second semester I travel between 2 places. And suddenly I’m not a wallflower here in Saigon. For the first time in so many years, I don’t just watch, I am actively involved. For the first time in many years, the better version I talked about in the beginning and I, become one. I plan out my life, learn new things by my choice, meet new people and, many of them I make great friends, we exchange information and experiences, we help each other growth professionally and as a person. And above all things, My has decided to come back to Vietnam, and I realized after all the lost years, we still get each other's back. We reunited the gang along with Vi Anh and it was full of laughter. Many other friends have also recontacted and so it happened that we still exist in each other's life.

I love Saigon, for that it has been sweet and healing to me. I feel a sense of belonging, of living not just surviving. I guess the only reason for me to insist not staying overnight in Binh Duong was that after so many troubles, the fact that I could be back to the city for just a few hours sleeping, makes me feel safe, like “I’m at home at last”.

Of course, I didn’t get over VGU or Binh Duong easily. I wept out like a little girl but knew it was a “letting go” kind of crying. You know when you wish so much that things would work out between you and that person, it takes a while for you to accept that you’re not meant to be and you can move on and still live happily. Last night was the end to all my unrealistic hope. I felt absolutely nothing. No fun, no connection with the people, the atmosphere there. As soon as I finished the performance, I sneaked out into a dark conference room, playing with my phone while waiting for my friend to drive me back to Saigon.

I’m happy for those young and fun people I saw yesterday who has found themselves there, congrats to you, you will be like a close friend of mine who left VGU and his friends with tears of farewell. It’s also nice for me to be assured that people like me could still build beautiful memories elsewhere and be happy. In the end, we’re the only negative force of ourselves, no one can force us to do things we don’t want to.

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fungisteri · 2 years

Text

As a continuation of the last post... Man. It makes it all the more frustrating how I got practically yelled at for feeling lonely, and how I got fucking GASLIT (that's right, gaslit) into believing that my version of the story was a lie, and that everyone was "trying soooooo hard to help me but I was just being so uncooperative!!!" Fucking BULLSHIT. These people have shown me below the bare fucking minimum of human compassion, and I was meant to be satisfied. I was meant to look at them and be like "Oh, thank you for saying hi to me today! Oh, thank you for talking to me about your own day and your own interests! Oh, thank you for looking at my art when I show it to you- don't worry about showing any type of interest in me or my interests or my crafts or my life, I'll do that part of the job myself by mentioning it sometimes by pure impulse and never because you actually bother to ask! That's how friendship works after all, right?". It has been like this since first fucking grade. Oboe has been the only consistent outlier in all this. Everyone else? The second I stopped actively trying to initiate interaction, they wouldn't look back for me. They would have 0 hesitation to rarely speak to me again. And for so long, I thought it was normal.

It's interesting how everything changed when I got online friends. How the people around my little online corner would repay me with the same kindness and warmth and companionship I was socially programmed to act like. Social interaction became rewarding. I felt genuinely cared for. It was great! It felt great.

I tend to brag a lot about my onlines to my offlines. Maybe they got a bit jealous. But even then, they didn't make the effort to be the slightest bit like my onlines: They didn't seek me out.

What's even more interesting, even after I moved here from Instagram with a new name and new identity, when the whole point was pretty much something akin to "get a fake name and start yet another life in parallel online", inevitably, I made more online friends. Well... I can only say for absolute certain that I have made at least one of them. (if you're reading this, hi Squirrel!! Love ya lots <3) And with these journal posts, people have approached me with kind words, to tell me that there's someone listening, and that they're not judging me harshly. And it's such a relief.

Not only that, offlines outside this group of friends do reach out for me too as well. I've noticed it particularly with slightly younger folk that I have a chat with, such as younger siblings or the quiet ones. They're always saying hi and are happy to see me, and tell me about their days and ask me about mine. And even in my age, I've found people who reach out- they all just so happen to be outside of the group. Funny how things work, huh? Sometimes the course of your life is just down to pure luck, and man oh man, I started off ROUGH. But it's changing tides!

#fungi.doc

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yenni19 · 3 years

Text

Hidden objective pt5

Kawaki is at a Summit with Konahamaru trying to delegate political affairs

Kawaki(annoyed): the meeting was unbearable...how long are we staying here

Konahamaru: just until tomorrow afternoon...besides your my bodyguard so you need to be alert as I gain influence as I take on the seat of becoming the eighth Hokage next month

Kawaki: so Naruto is stepping down after seven years of hard work?

Konahamaru: yeah he says he wants to travel with Hinata and take it easy from now on...so I'm one of the candidates of runner up for Hokage

Kawaki: so who are the other two??

Konahamaru: Sauske and Shikamaru

Kawaki: really....how did they take it?

Konahamaru: Sauske said he would only do it if a Hokage died....Shikamaru declined but they were persistent in convincing him so he agreed

Kawaki: so how much influence does Sauke hold in the five great nations??

Konahamaru: without trying about ninety-five percent of influence in the five great nations

Kawaki: and Shikamaru??

Konahamaru: ninety two...and that's because he doesn't quarrel with political issues much...he's more of a problem solver...mainly why he was chosen

Kawaki: and you....how much influence??

Konahamaru: eighty seven percent, but the main reason I was selected is because of my experience of war torn villages by the great War and the way I helped restore poor nations through connections as an ANBU

Kawaki: you must be so proud....

Konahamaru: it's not easy restoring nations it takes years to put it back to place which I succeded in several occasions

Kawaki: well enough chit chat....I'll be going back to the hotel since you are done delegating important matters at hand

Kawaki enters his room and lays on his bed...he checks his phone for messages but nothing he texts Himawari but gets no answer

Kawaki: why are you not answering me (gets up and paces the room) did something happen while I was not there

Text: Hey hime...did I do something wrong?? plz text me back don't leave me hanging 😕😕

Still no answer...after a couple of minutes she responds

Text: sorry for not answering...we need to talk...I'll meet you at the town square the day after tomorrow 😔😔🥺🥺

Kawaki(confused): why is she upset....could it be because I haven't answered her in a few days...did she get tired of me...maybe her dad doesn't want her dating me??

For Kawaki it was going to be a dreadful trip, all because of a text

--------------

Himawari was sitting in her room with the results in her hand, she paces around for about ten minutes when she gets a text

Himawari(looking at her phone): damit Kawaki now is not a good time! You respond at the worst possible time!

She responds with a text and throws her phone on the bed, Himawari puts away her test results in the sticky note drawer and shuts it. She goes downstairs to talk to her mother

Himawari: mom is it OK if I get a part time job??

Hinata(washing dishes): I don't see why not...is it to have extra money to spend??

Himawari(smiling): I just want to be more independent that's all

Hinata(concerned): ok sure...if it becomes too much just let me know ok

Himawari: ok thanks mom

Himawari goes back upstairs to look up job posts online, the next day she does several interviews landing a job as a barista at coffee and biscuits with love

Himawari(opening the door): I'm home

Hinata: how did the job go??

Himawari: great got a job as a barista...

Suddenly she gets a text message from Kawaki

Text: Hey I'm at the town square can we meet🙂🙂 I'll be waiting

She responds and heads out meeting up with Kawaki he's dressed in jeans and a baby blue shirt

Kawaki (embraces Himawari): I'm sorry if I ignored you....

Himawari(pulls away): no its not your fault at all....its just....

He cups her face making Himawari look at him and gently kisses her forehead

Kawaki: so what did you want to talk about...what's bothering you?

The words wouldn't come out no matter how hard she tried....so Himawari lied

Himawari: I just missed you its been a week since you left for the summit and....I felt lonely without you

Kawaki(hugging her): if you miss me this much... imagine how worse off you'd be if it was months on end

Himawari(crying): I know I'm selfish...I'm selfish and being punished for it

Kawaki dries her tears with this thumbs cupping half her face and kisses her

Himawari: so...what do you want to do...

Kawaki: let's get a bite to eat at thunder burger....

Himawari(feeling nauseous): how about Ramen...I'm not too fond of so much meat

Kawaki: ok sure Ramen it is...I'll pay

They go to the Ramen shop and talk, after thier meal he walks her home and says goodbye

Himawari(entering the house): I'm home...

Boruto(waiting at the entrance): so does he always walk you home?

Himawari(going past him): I don't have time for jokes...now if you excuse me I got things to do since I work tomm.....

Boruto(grabs her arm): work...really you never worked...only volunteered at times...but you never gotten serious about wanting to join the work force...WHY the sudden change

Himawari(forcing herself free): I want to be independent...what's wrong with working for your own benefit

Himawari goes upstairs to her room and locks the door....goes to her drawer and is relieved to find the paper of her pregnancy test still there

Himawari(talking to herself): thank goodness.... I have to be more careful around Boruto...if I'm going to do this on my own no one must know...not even Kawaki...eventually I have to end things with him at some point

She grabbs her diary and tapes the paper to her hardcover finds a blank page on it writes the day she conceived which was the day after her birthday to calculate how long she can fool her parents before she starts showing

Himawari(calculating): so I conceived April 12 which makes it a week and two days...so by mid July I'll start showing...which I have three months two weeks to save up...I would have to break it off with Kawaki....I'll worry about it as I go

Three months pass by

Himawari: I'm sorry Kawaki...but its over I can't be with you anymore

Kawaki(heart broken): Why....what did I do....

Himawari: even if we could end up together...it would be complicated for us....I can't keep lying to myself when you deserve so much better....

Kawaki: I know you...you wouldn't just break up with me for no reason...there's something your not telling me....and you been acting different since the beginning of July....blowing me off on purpose and taking extra shifts at the coffee shop just to avoid me

Himawari(agitated): It's just I don't feel the same way....

Kawaki(shouting): bullshit!

The onlookers passing by the town square were wondering what was the commotion was with Kawaki and Himawari

Kawaki(grabbing her shoulders): I know you...you don't just say it to mean it!

Himawari(pulling away): Don't you get it yet....my brother hates you....and I'm tired of you two fighting because of me!

Kawaki: it didn't matter before...so why does it matter now...!

Himawari(screaming): because my brother was right.....eventually you will get bored of me and leave me...and who knows I might be knocked up while you decided to no longer love me....!

Kawaki forcefully kisses her, Himawari pulls away and slaps him

Himawari(crying): just do me a favor and get lost already....to tell you the truth I always felt insecure around you from the start

Himawari knew she delivered the final blow

Kawaki(crying): fine....just know this...this will be the last time we see each other....hope your satisfied with yourself

Once he left Himawari broke down and cried, cried until she had no more tears left

#kawahima #anime #fanfic

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ruwithmeguys · 7 years

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I’m torn! I liked the episode but I also feel really anxious about it. Why Oliver doesn't trust her anymore? He admitted that he and Diggle had let her fall deeper and that maybe she didn't feel like she belonged this season and yet he doesn't back her play. Help me understand this please because I don't want to think like this about him. I wanted to enjoy episode 20 but this is upsetting.

Don’tcome to tumblr/twitter much because of my job but I love Arrow, though I’veonly been watching it for a year. There are some I’ve been following that werereally vocal about 5.19: they’ve basically been saying Oliver isn’t good enoughfor Felicity now and are angry at him for not trusting/backing her like she hashim. Is it them who don’t understand or me? I thought it showed Oliver afraid.No mistrusting. And Felicity asking for equality. I saw a reply you gave oncebut I don’t know anyone who does them like that.

I wasn't going to answer these initially because I feel they’ve been answered so fully by the names just below this but... I HAVE AN ABUNDANCE OF OLICITY FEELS THAT CANNOT BE DENIED.

I needed to vent them! Overuse of gifs ahoy!

OK, first? Q2 Anon: I can giveyou the names of a few people who answer questions FAR better than I ever couldif you’d like?

There’s @jbuffyangel (who did herusual amazing review of the episode which should answer all of yourquestions/worries) @callistawolf and @louiseblue1

There are others that I’m sureyou’ll find if you explore a bit ;)

There isn’t really much I cansay past what hasn’t already been said by the 3 above.

But I need to clarify (eventhough you can’t answer) something Anon 1. You liked the episode?

JUST liked?

Well I just about had a minicoronary. Honey, I don’t think you were seeing it properly. Episode 19 was likea piece fanfiction come to life. It was an episode to grin hard about and watchwhilst gripping the edge of your seat. Something to feel deep in your chest thenext day.

Everything in it – EVERYSINGLE SCENE – was a moment I’ve been waitingon pins to see.

And I mean, purely from thepoint of view of a fan: how could you not adore the return of the looks and the talking:

True, I DO think they made uswait a tad too long (kill me now – @scu11y22 knows especially, after episode 9how close I came to having a full on shit-fit – but just a shit-fit, not a loss of hope) for this but I also believethat they wanted the whole Prometheus Vs Oliver = Oliver’s lowest moment scoreto occur prior to any progressionthat could be made between Oliver and Felicity…

It’s because they want them -their steps back to each other - to be part and parcel with Prometheus’sdefeat.

And Prometheus isrepresentative of Oliver’s demons. Of his darkness and his pain.

Something hecan no longer run from like he has been doing for years. What he needs to faceand defeat, to strive beyond.

It’s all so that thepenultimate moment, episode 20, can mean somuch more and have triple the affect it would have had without this.

Oliver can’t defeat Prometheuswith his current mind-set. He can’t even stand against him: Prometheus has brokena vital piece of Oliver’s soul: his hope.

Thinkabout it: Olicity closing the gap between them - healing thatbreach - each and reuniting possibly leading to the defeat of Prometheus. Andwhat’s necessary for the defeat of Prometheus? For Oliver to step forwards intoa light of his own making. A mission of his own choosing.

How much more epic can youget?

But you (Anon 1) (Anon 2, you’re fine girl/boy;)) werereferring more to the deceptive lack of trust in this episode, correct?

That supposed absence oftrust, the very thing that put a pause on this whole relationship? It’s anOliver Queen smokescreen. Possibly subconscious on his part, at leastinitially. A not-so-flimsy cover up for Oliver’s real problem. A problemthey’re going to bring about, in GREAT and uncompromising detail, in episode20.

But let’s get into specifics.

It’s what we’ve been waitingfor. And all of it, everything, was good. Everything coming will be better.

I think a problem a lot ofpeople might also be having at the moment is the sudden rise of emotionalintensity in the show.

Yes, I know: random. But.

Arrow has always been intensebut it increases with each season: the actors are pushed into doing scenes andplaying roles they’ve never done before, into bending rules and breaking pastboundaries. Season 5 has been exemplaryin this. But there’s been an upswing from episode 16, especially in regards toOTA and Olicity, that wasn’t as present earlier on. It’s been very welcome, butalso, a bit of a shock.

They’ve had to wait you see: there’s been too much story to tell first. We got a lot of Olicity before anything else in season 4 so they needed to be true to their other stories first but you all know the other reasons as well. Lord know’s I’ve gone on about them too.

So now, everything feelspowerful. Penetrating. Worrying? Thescript was so forceful in Dangerous Liasons, so intense: every scene featuringOliver and Felicity was a scene that left a mark on the audience. People arefeeling the heat - the kind of heat exhibited in 3.20 - and it’s such a burn that it people might consider it an omen.

Don’t feel anxious about it:not at all. It’s about facing the truth. About Oliver and Felicity facing eachother. About facing themselves…

And they found themselves ineach other once upon a time.

That still holds true. Therewas no way in hell that they were going to get to the root of each of their issueswithout them coming back to each other.

Oliver.

There’s no one he trusts,respects and admires more than Felicity Smoak.

But being honest with her -telling her about his 5.17 revelation (something he had to understand himselffirst) about his reasoning behind why he’s done what he’s done over the years -is something he thinks will make her fall out of love with him.

But it also might save herfrom becoming him.

This has absolutely nothing todo with trust.

For the first time, Felicityis the one he and Dig have to worry about… and like big tough Alphamales, it throws them completely out of whack.

It’s not about a lack of trustor a deliberate choice not to be there for her when she has been there for himevery single time he needed someone.

He can’t possibly be ok withher behaving like him because she’s more.She’s better. She’s the example he measures all other acts of goodness and evilagainst. No other woman (or man) has come close.

And that’s just some of the examples and only the women.

But there’s been a lack ofunderstanding between these two for the past year (A year… Christ, it’s beenmore than a year) and they need to hack it out but they wouldn’t be able towithout a stimulus.

Boom baby!

Now, Felicity TELLING Oliverthat he doesn’t trust her was soooooo deeply satisfying, not because I agreewith her. I don’t. She’s wrong. But I only know that because I’m the observer.

I loved it because she wasfinally being honest about how he’s made her feel. And how he’s made her feelisn’t just like she isn’t trusted:

It’s lonely. Alone.

She’s felt like she can’t goto him and ask for the assistance she needed, the help she wanted. The kind oflove she deserves. Honestly, I’m pretty sure she didn’t want his help either. Not at this stage. She wanted to rely onherself. To decide for herself. To make the choices he and Dig have always madefor her. To be their equal.

What she wanted was for him to say:

“Idon’t like it. I don’t want you to do it. You’re asking me to stand back andwatch you sell yourself because of a problem I caused. I don’t want it. It’llhurt too much… but I’m going to. I’m going to because I trust you. You alreadyknow I love you. And now I’m going to prove what that actually means to me. I’mgoing to place all my trust in you because I believe. In. You.

Always.”

Wonderful, right?

But this is from the point ofview of a woman who doesn’t fully understand Oliver Queen, through no fault ofher own. She’s the closest any woman has ever come to truly knowing him: sheDOES know him the best of everyone, even Thea…

And that is something he -subconsciously - can’t allow. He can’t have Felicity - the person he loves themost - close to his darkest demon. Can’t have her touched.

If she’d been ready at thetime of their break up, maybe she would have seen something else and NOT a manwho simply doesn’t trust her the way she craves to be trusted, the way she’dtrusted him and still does trust him. Even after everything.

But she couldn’t help missingthat because Oliver is emotionally stunted and very unaware of how his father’spromise and his survivor’s guilt have deepened that chasm inside him.

Oliver is also a man of hisword.

“We canprotect her.”

He made a promise to himselfand Dig and he was vehement in that promise.

It was a declaration ofintent: I want her in this but not at thecost of what makes her… her.

Do you think that ever goesaway for someone like Oliver? And do you think he ever forgets about that promise? No. It just grows stronger. It was crucial tohim; especially right at the beginning of it all.

And for Felicity Smoak it isan absolute - a requisite - STRONGER than his need to protect Thea.

He grew to accept at the endof season 3 - after choosing for her for most of the season - that Thea’s lifewas her own, that her actions were her own, her body was her own to throw itonto fire if she wanted to.

He’d hate it… but he’d get it.

He can’t do that with Felicitybecause she’s his cornerstone.

Even after they broke up, evenmonths later with this distance between them, she’s still the person who balances his world, who gives him structure.

When she first joined theteam, she enabled his night work in a way he didn’t think possible and she wasas safe as he could make her. Behind her computers. In HIS Foundry. Perfect.

She was where he could keep an eye on her andcontrol how deep into the life she was. In fact she only ever touched close todanger when she was in the field, which was few and far between for this exactreason.

Even when she opted – evenwhen it was her choice – Oliver (and by extension Dig) only agreed when theycould control the danger level.

But even then, things canstill go wrong.

The problem is that Felicityhas always been just as ‘in deep’ as the boys.

But she’s their precious gem:their lucky charm. Their lighthouse, their way home. The heart of the team.

What happens when a lighthousegoes dark?

The way home – your eyes –vanishes.

You loose sight of reality.

It was taken for granted, Felicity’s natural light. Her faith. He thought if he left it alone, it was stay exactly as it was...

The light on Oliver’s path –as pitiful and as small, as narrow and filled with thorns and without forks andchoices as that way has become – was, in his head, taken fully away in episode19. He was left asunder and confused.

Adrift. Lost at sea.... he’s already lost at sea.

He was lost at sea for years until he chose to stay away from Starling (I prefer the name Starling Cityto Star City btw).

After his return, she becamehis anchor. Slowly.

Overtime.

Moment by moment.

Until she becameirreplaceable.

And he didn’t realise just howdeep that went… until he broke her heart. Until she left him. Alone.

They’re as alone as eachother. Even when they’re with others. Even in a crowd. Even as they reached outto others, romantically or otherwise and it didn’t heal them.

Case in point: look at wherethey are right now. He thinks he’s a sociopathic serial killer and she’swilling to destroy her life to bring down the man who made him feel that way.

She is doing for Oliver whatOliver did for Thea in season 3.

All she’s asking is for him tolet her.

But he can’t.

He promised Dig he’d protecther. Just her.

Not Laurel or Thea or Sara or anyone else, not even Dig…Felicity was the one whom he’d never have twisted. The one neither of themcould or would sacrifice. IRREPLACEABLE.

Most importantly, he can’thave her become him. He’s been protecting her from that since day 1: he can’tfathom its possibility.

Oliver has paid a lot ofprices, sacrificed so much of himself. And he’s lost things and people.

Her soul is the one price toohigh to pay.

Yet Oliver feels likeeverything he has touched, every person who’s into contact with him, hassuffered because of him.

And now? …He feels what’s shedoing with helix, how she’s behaving is because of him. A darkness that nevercomes out created by him. To Oliver, he has created thispath of a deepening darkness for the woman he loves. Now he has to put up withwhat she’s been putting up with foryears. And he doesn’t like it.

Drink it is:

Like a husband who’s arguedwith his wife, had his words royally and correctly thrown back at him and inthe dog house. Big time!

What Oliver doesn’t realise isthat light can alter over time. It can grow warmer or more distinct. Stronger.Can shift and shine a new way. A better way. A softer way. Some lights can draw weaker ones out andstrengthen them.

Has anyone noticed the increased use of both purple and green this year on Arrow? Oliver’s and Felicity’s colours.

Not a coincidence.

When he sees her for who shereally is, when he finds out how her view of him – in walking in his shoes –has changed, has grown, when he discovers that his confession doesn’t have theaffect on her he thought it would, when she actually gives him a new andbrighter understanding of herself… he’ll see her light for what it is. For thebeauty in it. And he’ll love her all the more for it.

I think he’s going to tell her– when their air is ruining out, whilst he’s hurt and she’s defenceless – his painful truth andhe’ll be waiting for the worse case scenario reaction from her.

And… I feel like he’s going tobe given the shock of his life. Or something to that affect. (Am I justdesperate?)

Whatever happens, it’ll makehim view her as an equal in every sense of the term – he thought he alreadydid, but there was still that last layer of bubble wrap for him/her to pop.

And in walking in her shoes –in trying to move on, in watching her make the hard choices and being powerlessto stop her, in being on the other side of the fence and being the one who doesn’t get listened to – hisunderstanding and already super high regard for her will shoot past thestratosphere.

Like Wendy said:

“She’s beenthrough something now, and she sees him in a different light — and he also seesher in a different light. There’s a lot more mutual understanding, and eventhough I think it’s hard to top the mutual respect they already have for eachother, that goes up as well.”

Won’t be surprised if theyleave the bunker shooting each other awed, heart-eyed looks and thinking ‘wow’.

Remember the song?

I am so sorrythat I bothered youNow I know why you have to hideI didn’t know what you were going throughAll I could see was my own signI will just fade awayI will let you be hereI won’t say a word until you come to meUntil you come to meUntil you come to meThey just tell me what you’re in there forHow could I know you did not say?But now I know what I am living forTomorrow will be just another dayI will close my eyesAnd I hear a quiet peepI will wait in the shadows until you come to meUntil you come to meUntil you come to me, ohAh, sweet youth will all too quickly endAnd we will never be this freeSo all I ask is that we look againBefore we grow too old to seeI will fall aloneMy elm was sweet and envyStill I will be crying until you come to meUntil you come to meUntil you come to me, ah

Understanding. Readiness.Love. Trust. Heart.

I’llbe waiting for you. Until you come tome.

It’s a mutual thing (though Ido think this refers to Felicity more than Oliver).

And then it’ll be almost aseasy as falling, his new ideal. I think she’ll give him a new point of view.Or, at the very least, a way to see it differently.

Very soon they’ll be ready foreach other. The right fit.

A hero for a hero.

She has to open the door buthe needs to make her want to first.Strip each other down to the core.

And, come 5.22 (?) he needsstep on through it all on his own.

They’re going to fall in sync.

And by 5.23 we’re finallygoing to breathe that breath of sweet relief.

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