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romanarose · 2 months

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Scars

Pre-Outbreak!Joel Miller x pale!fem!reader (see immersivity warnings)

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Summary: You and Joel are taking things slow, really slow. You find that he's easy to open up to about your depression, but you find it's hard to tell him the full extent.

Warnings: Talk of depression and self harm, self harm scars, descriptions of said scars (healed, not bleeding or recent) piv sex, oral f!recieving. Comfort sex. first time between couple, not loss of virginity.

Immersivity: Reader is fem, no specified age. This is a fic i started last year when i was doing very, very poorly and relapsing. I wanted to write something for myself. I usually really try to make things as inclusive as I can but the descriptions of scars are detailed and they are detailed to my skin, which is pale. I'm sorry, but I wanted to write this for myself. I support people writing fics specific to themselves, their skin tone, their hair type, their wieght etc, as long as it's labled right. @fandxmslxt69 said i could do it and said if anyone has a problem, come to her <3

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"And the scars remind us that the past is real" Scars, Papa Roach

Joel hadn’t minded when you said you wanted to take things slow. He didn’t mind one bit. Being a dad of a preteen , albeit an easy one, didn’t leave him with much opportunity to move fast. He was busy. In fact, he hadn’t really intended to date at all, at least until Sarah was in college if that… but you had sparkled your way into his life accidentally, and he was trying his best to balance it all. You were understanding, patient, you didn't get mad if he had to rearrange plans or cancel because something with Sarah or work came up, and he thought things were going well. You were beautiful, fun, and the few times you’d briefly met Sarah, she seemed to like you. That was a necessity. Joel absolutely refuses to date someone that made Sarah unhappy, but Sarah had made a few references to him and dating before he met you anyway, so she seemed okay with it. It wasn’t like he had a relationship with her mom, as much as Joel had tried to foster something… her mom hadn’t been interested.

Tommy was a lifesaver. When he noticed Joel had been struggling, Tommy sat him down and asked to help him. Tommy asked Joel.

“You deserve a life.” Tommy had insisted.

“Sarah is my life.”

“Joel, you deserve m-”

“Don’t say I deserve more, Tommy. Sarah is enough. I don’t need more.”

Tommy sighed. “I know, brother, but can I at least help you out a bit? Give you a little free time to see that pretty girl of yours?”

Tommy had only met you once, but he liked you too. Joel acquiesced, letting Tommy take care of taking her to soccer practices (but he would NOT miss a game). This did end up being a big help and Joel had more and more time to see you… and when Tommy took Sarah out for a movie or she had plans with friends, he found more and more time alone in the evening with you.

Joel didn’t want to take his hands off your body the first time you and him made out on his couch, but when his hand went to feel up your breasts, you noticeably tensed. Fearing he overstepped, Joel quickly pulled back and apologized. Both of you nervous messes, it took a moment before you and Joel got full sentences out.

“Shit, I’m sorry-”

“No no it’s okay!”

“I just thought-”

“And I want too-!”

“No, I didn’t mean for anything tonight-”

“Oh, uh, right-”

“Not that I don’t want to!”

“Me too!”

Eventually, Joel clarified he was just enjoying feeling you, he didn’t want you to feel pressured into anything ‘like that’, and you explained he can touch you like that, you just wanted to wait a little bit… You sat back, nervous, but figured now was as good a time as any.

“Actually, there was something I wanted to talk to you about, if we could…” You shuffle on the couch.

Joel looks nervous, but open. He wants to know you, good and bad, and if something was bothering you, he wanted to know. “Of course, I’m all ears.”

You take a deep breath. “Do you know what depression is?”

“Oh. Uh, yeah, I have an aunt with it but we don’t really talk about it much… Sometimes Sarah’s school sends her home with pamphlets… so I know a little, I guess.” That’s not what he was expecting.

“Well… I have it.”

“Oh.” He says again, dumbly. “I'm sorry. Or… am I not supposed to say that?”

You can’t help laughing a little. He was sweet, and he was trying. “It’s okay, Joel, and thank you. Well, about 6 months ago I started therapy and started taking an antidepressant, and things have been a lot better but… I need you to understand, things can get really dark for me sometimes and… it can be a lot for other people to deal with. I promise, it’s nothing dangerous to others!” You quickly add when you see his confused face. “It’s just, sometimes I’m not myself… and, if that’s not something you can handle, I want you to know that’s okay.”

Joel sat there for a moment, looking at you. He wasn’t stupid, he knew what depression was… but in the South, it wasn’t like they talked about that sort of thing much. Still, he liked you… he liked you a lot, actually, and he wanted to be there to support you. He couldn’t just run away from difficult times, not when he had a preteen. It would mean he wasn’t fit to be there for Sarah…

“I wanna be there for you.” Joel assured you, to your growing smile. “I may not know how to, but I wanna try my best.”

You smile more, and scoot up next to him, in turn Joel lays an arm around you. “Thank you, Joel”

Still, you were nervous… because Joel hasn’t seen you without sleeves… nonetheless without clothes.

In the end, it was almost 4 months before you had sex. Physically, you’d taken things slow, but emotionally you hadn’t at all. You were in love, and you’d both told each other as much. Tommy had given Joel shit for committing to a girlfriend without having sex, but Joel had told Tommy he could talk after he got an actual girlfriend, not hookups. Still, Tommy wanted to provide a good opportunity for Joel to fuck you the way Joel would want to. Sappy and romantic. So, when Sarah’s favorite band Halican Drops was coming to Housten, Tommy offered to pay for them to go and for a hotel.

Joel had tried to protest, saying it was too expensive, saying he wasn’t sure he wanted Sarah that far away, and that he should just come, but Tommy smacked him on the head.

“Dumbass, I’m giving you a night with your girlfriend!”

When Tommy promised not to have a single drop of alcohol, text every hour, not let her stand by any men, call when they leave the venue and get to the hotel ETC, Joel allowed it to happen. Sarah was ECSTATIC, being the first concert she’d ever been to, and although a teeny bopper band wasn’t exactly on Tommy’s dream list, he was excited to be a cool uncle. Also, Joel needed to get laid. He was getting cranky at work.

The night itself was a lot of fun. Joel took you to a nice restaurant, and after you came back to his place and changed into more comfortable clothes, you’d spent the night watching American Idol. Joel was very critical.

As the night progressed, your nerves grew as you knew where the natural progression of the night would take you. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to fuck Joel; you really, really wanted to. And you weren’t nervous about him. You knew Joel would stop if you said stop. What you were nervous about was your body. Joel looked good, but he had a bit of a stomach himself so you didn’t think he’d be worried about your shape or small imperfections… Joel was a gentle soul, kind, loving. Yeah, that wasn’t the worry. The worry had been on your skin.

In the middle of winter, you’d managed to not show much skin around him, with jackets and long sleeves and pants… but it was inevitable. Joel had been a wonderful support to you these 4 months, holding your hand, listening to you when you cried. Slowly you opened up to him about the circumstances that meant you needed extra help, and he was everything you could ask for.

But how would he react to this?

Joel had you laid out on the bed, both of you still dressed and his pajama covered pants grinding into your warm cunt. Joel sure liked to take his time.

“We don’t gotta do noth’n, you know that right?” Joel muttered into your neck, drunk on you but still being respectful like the gentle man he was.

“I know”

He pulled back. “Then why’dya seem so nervous?”

You look up at him, wide eyed and nervous, but you needed this… you needed to tell him the truth. “Joel…”

He got off you, standing up at the edge of the bed. The massive, rock hard erection in his pants couldn’t have been comfortable, but his willingness to stop anyway meant a lot. It was a low bar but it was there.

“We can stop, I’m sorry-”

You sit up on your elbows. “It’s not you, it’s just um… I should tell you something before we start…”

“Okay.” He was few on words, but he looked receptive.

You weren’t sure how to do this, how to open up that conversation… so you decided just to show him. Lights still on, you begin to take off your shirt.

Joel tried to stop you. “Hey, hey, no, let’s talk.”

You smile at him. “We will, Joel, just… let me show you…” After the shirt was off, you slid off your pants and laid on the bed, spread out and close to naked in a bra and underwear.

“Jesus, darl’n…” Joel mumbled, taking in the sight before him.

Scars littered your body.

It wasn’t a few, it was a lot, and the coverage was significant. Joel’s eyes roamed your body, cock softening quickly despite your near-nakedness and took in the expanse of the scaring. Your thighs were the most noticeable, pink slaves across your skin from the hips to mid-thigh. His hand reached out instinctively, but pulled back. You noticed.

Your voice was soft, reassuring. You knew he was confused and curious. “You can touch me, it’s okay.”

He does. Joel’s fingers a feather light across your skin, feeling the way the scars dipped and raised depending on severity. There there cuts, but also burn mark; small circles from cigarettes twisting up the patterns more. It was all over, reaching back to the curve of your ass. His eyes followed the trail up and the cuts became less in intensity and number, but never stopping over your hip bone and to your stomach. These were lighter; less that split open the skin but the silver lines were still raised over the belly fat as his fingers touched you. Your bra-line showed more burns, and he stopped short of the cloth.

You take his hands and guide Joel to reach behind you to unclasp the bra, allowing him to pull it up and reveal your breasts. His eyes water as he sees the scars never stopped, marring your breasts, although not nearly the horrific amount on your thighs.

“I don’t understand…” He mumbles, sadness and distress clear in his eyes. “You did this to yourself?” Joel takes your hand in his, examining the scars making a ring around your wrist. He kissed the inside, eyes threatening to pool over.

You nod. “Yeah…”

His voice cracks. “But… why?”

“Sometimes…” You start, overcome with emotions at the clear pain on his face. He loved you so much, the thought of you in this much pain hurt him as well. “It was all I could do to cope.”

He didn’t seem like he understood, but he wasn’t judging you. He didn’t look at you like a freak like so many others did. He just knew he didn’t want you to feel this way again.

“I havn’t done it in a while.” You give him a smile. “You make things easier. I mean, I’m still… yeah… but you do make things much better.” He did. Having someone who held you, listened to you, helped pick up the pieces… it wasn’t going to cure you, but it was amazing how much support helped with the addition of meds and therapy.

Joel relaxed at that, a relieved and gentle smile on his face. “I’m glad, darl’n…” He held you hand to his face, chapped lips nuzzling against your damaged skin. “”M here to take care of you now, okay? I wanna help.”

“You do.” You assure him, pulling his face down to you again and taking his mouth in yours. “You mean so much to me Joel, you make me so happy…” His body covers yours once more, his warm encasing you as he protectively holds you.

“You’re safe with me.” Joel mutters against your mouth, fingers digging into your soft flesh.

You pull him closer to you, grinding yourself up against him, enticing him again. “Still want you tonight, please? I can’t wait any longer.” It’s had been a long 4 months and fuck, fuck you wanted him, badly.

“Always gonna take care of you, princesa.” Joel grinds his jeans-clothed cock against the soft fabric of your underwear, making you shutter. “Gonna take care of my pretty girl, always.”

And god, did he.

Joel’s mouth was sloppy, wet, hot between your legs. His tongue fucked into your hole, prodding you open and his hips bucking against the bed. Insatiable. Arms locked around your legs, his nose nudged against your clit as it seemed he was trying push himself as strongly against your body as he could, to devour you, to bring you and him the most absolute pleasure he could.

You tug at his hair, soft waves in between your fingers as you draw him closer to you. Warmth pooling in your stomach, you felt that pressure grow with every moan, every vibration, every sluuuuuuuuuurp! of your juices, christ he was incredible. You felt elevated, devoted too and adorned in affection the way you had always wanted to be. He was everything in this moment. Joel’s tongue slid up in a swift swipe, mouth and that pouty lower lip latching onto your clit with his fingers pumped into you.

“JOEL! J-ohhhhhh” Your cry for his name melted into moans as you came on his mouth and fingers, crushing his head between thighs as your legs bent. The power of your orgasm caused you to tense and then melt into the bed. You give a low hum as he kisses your inner thighs. As you come to reality again, you register Joel’s sweet kisses all over your legs. He’s kissing the trail of your scars. Joel kisses over the scars on your right thigh and up the crease at your inner hip.

“What are you doing?” You mutter, never for a moment fully let go of his hair.

“Appreciating every inch of you.”

Joel kissed his way up your torso, over the scars under your tits and over the mounds. Latching onto your nipple, he swirled his tongue around the sensitive skin. You can feel him smile against your skin when your back arches off the bed.

“Fuck, Joel, your fucking mouth…” You whimper, and when his mouth lets go his hands never do. Softly, he touches you in all the scarred, squishy parts of you you were trained for so long to hate.

He kissed you tenderly, gentle hands a contrast to his hungry mouth. That tongue, that goddamn tongue…

When he slides in, your eyes can’t help but roll back; your chest rises up against his broad expanse. He filled you so perfectly, fucking deep inside you and filling you up. You never felt so full. Your heart, your life, your stretched out cunt… every part of you was full and euphoric.

“My sweet, perfect girl…” Joel grunts as he pumps into you, hand braced against the headboard and towering over you. You gazed up at him, the yellow lighting of the ceiling fan created a halo around him. Joel looked positively angelic.

Fitting, as he was your angel.

You were aware how he was perceived in his culésac. Joel was highly respected; kind, hard working if a bit disorganized. A good southern man who raised his brother and daughter well, helped the elderly neighbors, bailed his brother out of pinches and would use his truck to help anyone move. Yeah, people liked Joel. But they wouldn’t call him gentle, like how you feel his hands over your stomach. They wouldn’t call him soft like you felt his stomach against yours. They wouldn’t call him angelic, but that was all you could say as you came on his cock.

They certainly would not call him warm, but that was all you felt as you pulled out and sprayed ropes of cum on your stomach.

You dozed off to sleep as he spread his cum around your scarred skin.

You vaguely register him cleaning you up, tired and content, and wait for him to join you again. His body felt perfect against your, fitting so well against your body like two puzzle pieces so close together. You had mumbled a request to be dressed, just in case Sarah and Tommy came home early, so you were both cuddled up in sweats under a thick blanket.

Everything with Joel felt safe and warm.

"Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going" -David Rossi, Criminal Minds.

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So, there we are. I'm very frustrated by the new bought of scars that are quite noticable that I have to wait to fade again but I refuse to be ashamed the way I used to. My scars are just scars from my trauma and illness. It's a moral failing of the people who have and continue to harm me, not mine.

Thank you all for reading, this was quite a venerable piece for me but I see a light at te end of the tunnel, and things will be getting better, I know it <3

@fandxmslxt69 @runa-falls @k-ra @ahookedheroespureheart @mikaelak @littlenosoul @stevenandmarcslove @pikapuff-316 @del-ightfulling @faretheeoscar @harriedandharassed @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @campingwiththecharmings @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @milly-louise @casa-boiardi @joeldjarin @mrs-oharaxx @pedge-page @readingiskeepingmegoing @survivingandenduring @yorksgirl

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schrodinger-swriter · 2 months

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Prompts 22, 23, and 28 for Lucifer Morningstar please!

Prompts 22, 23, and 28 with Lucifer

I am feeling a little better, compared to earlier. I had plans on baking a banana cake earlier, so if I keep this little recovery up I may resume those plans!

I hope you enjoy, Anon! C:

MOVING IN TOGETHER

You don't have to worry about carrying your things in, with just a snap of his fingers he can put everything into place... Just tell him where to put everything! He already has a guest room waiting for you, until you're both ready to sleep in the same bed. Things are going to be taken... very slow. I hope you don't mind, he just... needs to get used to this all over again. What with having a relationship now as well as not living alone anymore. In the beginning he tries to keep the house spick and span, though it's mostly because he doesn't want to make a bad impression. It happens slowly, but over the course of weeks it gets a little messy due to the man not having the mental or physical energy to keep it tidy... mental illness, you know? He doesn't mean it to get that bad, and he will feel a little guilty if you step in and fix things. It does push him to seek help or at least a better coping mechanism, so at least he's taking a step towards healing... Sometimes he keeps himself in his work room making... lord knows what. Likely ducks.

BEACH EPISODE

Hubba Hubba he's going to be respectfully staring the second you step out in your swimwear. He will shoot daggers at anyone who tries to gawk at you as well... though I can easily see him putting you up on a pedestal, "yeah! That's my partner and they're smoking hot!".. not those exact words, but... you know..! He burns so so easily, you'd think being an angel would make him exempt from that but he just... doesn't tan. He offers to give you shade under his wings... he is going to regret that when he eventually gets sand into his feathers. You both spend the day in the sun! Lucifer doesn't really get into the water other than a quick dip every now and then to cool himself down... he probably makes a grand sand castle! If you help him he's going to want to marry you on the spot. Supporting his creativity is one of the quickest ways to butter him up.

FIRST DATE

He is... an absolute mess on your first date. He's a romantic so he's going to rely on those to keep things moving along, but it's just been so long since he's been in the dating scene! Also taking into consideration that Lilith may possibly be his first or only serious relationship, at least she's the only one that we are aware of... Even worse for him if you are his first date after the separation. He wants you to have a good time, he really does, but his nerves are just eating him from the inside out. Likely for a first date you two go out to eat, something simple and classic while allowing you two to get to know each other. He's polite, and on his best behavior. He may forget some of the topics and what was brought up, but that's really due to his nerves... Definitely the type to give you flowers on the first date.

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel x you #hazbin hotel imagine #hazbin imagine #hazbin x reader #hazbin x you #lucifer x reader #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer morningstar imagine #lucifer imagine #lucifer x you

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upat4amwiththemoon · 5 months

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The blip | 2

Summary: Broken families take time to heal.

Pairing: WandaNat x daughter!reader

Warnings: some angst, panic attack-ish

Word count: 1231

a/n: there was some wishes for a second part and I really wanted to do one, so here it is :D would recommend reading part one first

Tags: @thought-of-you-and-me @rafecameronswhore @emsmultiverse @natashamaximoff69

masterlists | guidelines

Y/N’s lip is bleeding from the excessive amount of biting it during the last hour. During that hour, she changed her outfit tens of times, debated faking sick, and a slight break down, but now she is walking down the streets of New York City, going to have lunch with her moms.

The walk is around 20 minutes from her apartment, which gives her enough time to mentally prepare herself. It’s been two weeks since everyone who were blipped came back, and it certainly hasn’t been easy. Wanda and Natasha wanted Y/N to move back in with them, but she declined, needing some space from them. However, they have been texting and calling, though it’s still uncomfortable, they were finally able to persuade Y/N to meet up with them again.

Wanda and Natasha have tried doing their best to respect Y/N’s wishes for time and space, but they miss their daughter. After all, to them it wasn’t a long wait, their daughter grew up in a blink of an eye and they want to make up for the missing time.

Slowing down her pace, Y/N checks her phone for the time, she’s 15 minutes early. She might as well go wait for them inside. She opens the diner door, looking for a secluded booth to sit in, but pauses once she notices Wanda and Natasha are already sitting at a booth.

Wanda notices her first, waving her over. Y/N wipes her hands on her pants and walks over to them, sitting opposite of her moms. “Hi.” She has a small smile on her face. “How long have you been here?”

“Hey, sweetheart,” Wanda almost grabs Y/N’s hand that’s resting on the table, but decides against it, “not long, 20 minutes, I think.” She tilts her head to the side with a small laugh.

Y/N nods, she starts playing with her rings, a lot of them are Wanda’s old ones. She doesn’t know how to talk to her moms anymore, her feelings are messed up from the five years of being alone.

“Do you still like pancakes?” Natasha holds the menu as she looks at Y/N.

She has never seen her mom so quiet, or insecure. Natasha has always been the brave one, she’d help Y/N build her confidence and make sure she knew how to stand up for herself.

“Yeah.” She clears her throat, Y/N wants to make an effort, she doesn’t want to disappoint them, or make them sad. “I don’t like blueberries anymore though.”

Natasha smiles as if that small bit of information is the most important thing she has heard, “okay, no blueberries.” When the waiter comes to ask for their orders, Natasha orders for all of them, like she used to five years ago, and Y/N lets her.

When Y/N leans her elbows to the table, still continuing to move the rings around her fingers, Wanda smiles, noticing they are hers. “How’s school?” She asks, lifting her eyes from her hands.

Y/N shrugs, she have much interest in school, “it’s fine, I guess. Fucking boring though.”

Language is the only word coming out of both Natasha and Wanda’s mouths at the sentence. The latter scrunches her nose, the fact her daughter isn’t still 14 years old still hasn’t fully settled in her mind. “Sorry.”

“No it’s- I’m sorry.” Y/N clears her throat again, it feels like something is constricting her airway. “I just haven’t had anyone comment on my language in a long time.” She lets out a short laugh, rubbing the spot between her eyes. “Have you gone back to being an Avenger?”

“No.”

“No?”

Natasha glances at Wanda, they’re having a silent conversation between each other, they weren’t going to talk about this yet, “we decided to put being an Avenger on pause, indefinitely.”

“Why? You love being an Avenger.”

Wanda has a gentle smile on her face as she finally dares to take hold of Y/N’s hand. “We love you more than anything else in the world. Being an Avenger can wait, we want to give all of our time to you.”

“Oh.” She doesn’t move her hand away, Y/N just stares at it. “What if I need a lot of time?”

“We aren’t in a hurry.”

Nodding, Y/N pulls her hand away once the waiter comes back to their table with three plates of pancakes. She starts eating the food, and she looks at her moms, realizing they look like a family, two moms and their daughter, and it scares the hell out of her.

She drops her fork, making her moms look at her, “what’s wrong, little one?” The pet name slips out of Wanda’s mouth, she swore to stop using it, it makes Y/N’s heart drop into her stomach.

“Uhm-“ Y/N draws in a quick breath, making it instantly clear to her mother’s what’s wrong. They stand up and move to Y/N’s side of the booth, Wanda squeezing herself past her so their daughter is in the middle of them.

Fortunately for them, they’re sitting in a corner booth, giving them privacy, but Natasha sets her body in a way that hides Y/N from anyone’s gaze.

“You’re safe.” Wanda whispers with a level of calmness that shows this isn’t the first time Y/N has had a panic attack. “Your moms are here to keep you safe.”

Biting her already sore lip, Y/N raises her head to look at Wanda, her eyes teary and breathing wheezy as she tries to hold in her struggling. Wanda’s soft eyes bore into her own, but she doesn’t feel the defiance or terror she felt when first seeing her moms. She feels safe. Comforted. She feels like a kid.

When a quiet, “mama,” leaves her lips, Wanda wraps her arms around her and looks at Natasha. “Let’s go.” She whispers, standing up with Y/N’s legs and arms around her.

They walk over to the red car, Wanda putting Y/N into the backseats before going to the driver’s seat, and Natasha going to sit with their daughter. As the car starts, Natasha wraps her arms around Y/N, not caring about their seatbelts in the moment.

The drive to Wanda and Natasha’s house is quiet apart from Y/N’s heavy breathing and the soft whispers coming out of Natasha’s mouth as she tries to comfort her.

“I’m sorry.” Y/N whispers as the car comes to a sop. Wanda moves from the driver’s to the backseats with her family, feeling like staying in the car will be easier for now.

They’re all smushed into a pile, “don’t apologize, you haven’t done anything wrong,” Natasha’s hand goes through Y/N’s hair, melting the at the familiar softness of it.

Her breathing slows down and she starts feeling calmer in her mothers’ arms. “Can I stay with you for a little while?”

“Little one,” the pet name doesn’t bother her anymore, “you can stay with us as long as you want.” Wanda sets her hands on Y/N’s cheeks, rubbing them with her thumbs.

Y/N nods, a small weight has been lifted off of her shoulders. She feels like she is able to lean on to her mothers again, at least with some things. She doesn’t have to be so alone anymore.

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mysterious-moonstruck-musings · 4 months

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Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 28

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo X OFC

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives.

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Warnings: Smutty stuff.

Chapter Quote: “Oh, you know me…I’m really good at operations management. Just working through things to figure out the most efficient process for peak outcomes.”

As I sat in the lobby waiting for Dieter to change into the clothes I had brought for him and complete the discharge process, I could feel my anxiety flaring. He and I hadn’t spent any length of time alone together since he was filming in Canada, and everything felt different now. We had made it clear to each other that we wanted to be together and make this work, but we knew there was going to be some initial awkwardness to get through. We had briefly discussed it with Dr. Rosenberg, but talking about it and experiencing it were two different things. I could already feel the hum of anticipation vibrating throughout my body, but I also still had a deep seeded fear that he was going to change his mind and realize he didn’t have feelings for me any longer.

Dieter soon emerged from the double security doors that led to the back. He was in a dark gray t-shirt, medium wash jeans that were slung low over his slightly trimmer waist, and sneakers. His shirt was working double time as it stretched across his much broader shoulders and chest. He had spent a lot of his down time exercising and it showed. His hair was still a curly mess, but it looked like he had tried to tame it back some. He had his tote bag stuffed with the small number of personal items slung over his shoulder.

Several staff members followed to give their goodbyes and see him off, Dr. Rosenberg and Sharon included. Sharon gave him a teary smile and hug as Dr. Rosenberg walked over to check in with me. I stood from my seat as she approached. I knew as soon as she grabbed my hand and squeezed it, that she could sense my nervousness.

“You doing ok?” She asked quietly with a concerned look on her face. I nodded, giving her a tight-lipped smile.

“Yeah, I’m good. Just a little anxious.” She squeezed my hand again.

“He is too. Just remember to talk through it and you’ll both be fine.”

I inhaled deeply, letting it out slowly before I nodded.

Once Dieter was finished with his goodbyes, he timidly made his way over to me with his hands clenching and unclenching into fists. He leaned in to give me a tight hug, reluctantly pulling away with a small smile. I reached down and grabbed his hand, threading our fingers together as I met his eyes.

“You ready?”

His eyebrows shot up as his eyes widened, “Yeah…I think so.”

We held each other’s gaze for a moment, the reality of the situation finally setting in. I could see several emotions playing across his face and could feel mine bubbling to the surface, threatening to spill out. I was suddenly aware of all of the eyes on us. Somehow, I managed to push my feelings aside as we waved to everyone and headed toward the exit.

Once we were outside, away from curious onlookers, I couldn’t hold it back anymore. By the time we reached the car, the flood gates opened, and my legs suddenly felt weak. I leaned against the hood of the rental to catch myself. Dieter quickly pulled me into a tight hug, cupping the back of my head and burying his face into the top of my hair. Both of us stood there, sobbing into our embrace and saying nothing as we allowed the waves of emotion overtake us. It was too much all at once. I felt thankful that he was still with us, relieved that he was healthy, happy he was finally coming home, nervous about how things were going to go, and excited about the possibilities. I somewhat composed myself and tried to verbalize my feelings to him, wanting him to know it was happy tears. He started to shake his head against mine as I mumbled into his neck, “It’s ok. I understand. I’m right there with you. It’s…a lot.”

He pulled back, looking at me with his tear-streaked face, reaching to wipe away the dampness from my cheeks with his thumbs, “If it makes you feel better, I got emotional about putting on a pair of jeans for the first time in three months. So, I get the overwhelmed feeling.”

We both chuckled, lightening the mood somewhat. I leaned my forehead against his chest as I grasped onto his biceps, squeezing to make sure he was really there, “It just felt like this day was never gonna come. It almost seems surreal.”

His rough hands slid up my arms as he kissed the top of my head, “Let’s get outta here before they change their mind about letting me leave.”

I raised my head, meeting his gaze. He seemed like he was holding back as he pushed my hair behind my ear, giving a small smile before turning to open the driver side door for me. After I got inside, he shut the door and hurried around to get into the passenger seat. As he was getting settled, I reached into the back and grabbed his tablet and handed it to him.

“Entertainment for the ride, if you need it. I also have your hat and sunglasses.”

He smiled, sliding the tablet between the seats, “I figured I’d just hang my head out the window the whole way and enjoy my freedom.”

I snorted, “I’m not sure you’ll wanna deal with the skin problems that would result from that.”

He laughed. I noticed he started to reach his hand toward mine but diverted to rub at his thigh instead. He suddenly seemed unsure of himself as he looked ahead out the window, a deep crease forming between his brows.

I figured he was most likely feeling overwhelmed and tried not to think too much about it as I started the car and made my way toward the interstate exit.

We drove in silence for a while. Every time I glanced in Dieter's direction, he was attentively watching the sights pass by, seeing them for the first time. I could tell the wheels in his head were spinning. I imagined this was a lot to take in after being in a facility for three months and hoped it wasn’t too much for him.

“You were good with driving back, right? I just assumed…”

He turned to look at me, pausing briefly to process my words. He had clearly been deep in thought, “Definitely. I’m not ready to deal with an onslaught of people at the airport. Or paparazzi. They’re always hanging out there…and I’m not sure if I can handle the questions. I need to talk to Elaine. I’m not sure how to answer…things. I know there are rumors about me being in rehab.”

I gave him a tight smile. I wasn’t sure how much he knew about the rumor mill. I knew he had talked to Ty some, but we hadn’t discussed anything related to his work much since it wasn’t the focus of our sessions.

“Are you worried about work stuff?”

He sighed, “Yes…and no. It’s gonna be a lot to deal with and catch up on. A lot of rearranging…maybe even dropping some projects. I’m not trying to rush back into things full steam either, so whatever happens, happens.”

He started rubbing at the top of his thighs with both hands.

“I don’t think I’ve even told you…Rylee quit after filming ended.”

I looked over at him, confused, but also not surprised. I reached over to grab his hand and gave it a squeeze. The topic seemed to cause him some distress, so I didn’t let go. Instead, I laced our fingers together. He stared at our entwined hands for a moment before he spoke again.

“I was such a dick to her even though she was just trying to keep me outta trouble. I don’t blame her for quitting. I would’ve too.”

He sighed heavily as he turned to peer out the window. Eventually speaking up again without looking in my direction.

“Do you think she’ll forgive me and come back to work?” He asked quietly as he rubbed at his scruffy chin with his free hand.

“I think if you’re honest with her and tell her what was going on…she might.”

He pinched his brows together, “Yeah, maybe…and apologize…or grovel at her feet…”

He briefly laughed to himself. After a few minutes of contemplative silence, he spoke up again, “I’m also thinking about letting Ty go. I’m not sure how much I trust him anymore…I don’t feel like he has my best interest in mind...and I need people on my team that are gonna be supportive…and not…whatever he is.”

“You know…you don’t have to get all of this stuff figured out immediately, right? There’s no rush.”

He finally turned to look at me, his brows drawn together as he pursed his lips in thought.

“I know. That’s just two things that’ve been on my mind. The rest of it…I’m just gonna go with the flow and not stress about it. There are people that will figure that shit out for me. I was just curious about your thoughts.”

“Well, you know I like Rylee. Hopefully she’ll come back…and if you want me to talk with her, I can. As far as Ty goes, I’ve really only had one interaction with him. So, I’m not sure I can have an opinion on that, but I’ll support whatever decision you come to.”

I glanced in his direction with a smirk, “He was a dick though…”

Dieter snorted, nodding in agreement.

Once we reached the halfway mark of our trip, we stopped for food. Dieter really wanted a greasy burger from a fast food place just to make up for the last three months of eating “healthy shit”. He felt like he deserved a cheat day. So, we went to the first drive-thru we saw and ate in the parking lot. From the way he ate, you would think they had starved him to death.

I smiled at him, “Ya know, you’re probably gonna regret that later.”

He took a quick drink, shaking his head, “I don’t even fucking care. Worth it. Get me some tums and I’ll survive.”

He shoved a few more fries in his mouth before he looked at me with a lopsided grin. I finished my meal and wiped my face with a napkin as I turned toward him.

“So…we really haven’t talked about it…but where do you wanna stay?”

He knitted his brows together as a look of confusion and panic crossed his face. He visibly tensed, “I thought I was staying with you?”

My eyes widened as I realized how my question sounded, “You are. I just mean…would you rather for us to stay at your place or mine? Together.”

He immediately relaxed, “Geez, don’t give me a heart attack like that. I’m too nervous about being alone as it is.”

I reached over and rubbed his arm, giving him a tight lipped smile, “Sorry. I should have worded that better.”

He stared at the half-eaten burger in his hand, picking at it as spoke, “Honestly, I’m not sure how I’m gonna feel being back at my place. It makes me anxious to think about it after what happened.”

I nodded, “That’s understandable. We can stay at my place then. We do need to stop by and get some of your things though. I’ve not been back there long enough to do that.”

He chuckled, “Yeah, I guess I do need clothes, huh.”

After he finished eating, we got back on the road. By the time we were turning onto his street, it was late in the evening, and we were both stiff and tired from the drive. We had planned to grab what he would need for a couple of days and return for the rest later.

As we walked toward the front door, I noticed he was wringing his hands together and his face looked tense. After keying in, he walked in behind me, stopping in the middle of the living room to look around.

He had a mix of confusion and anxiety on his face, “Who cleaned?”

I walked over to him, placing my hand on his shoulder for comfort, “I did.”

His eyes turned glassy as he surveyed the area, “Everything?”

I cleared my throat as I felt a lump form, “Yeah…I ugh…fixed the drywall damage in the bedroom too and had the broken furniture hauled off. Technically, all you have for a bed right now is mattresses on the floor.”

I laughed dismissively as he turned to look at me, “You know, you didn’t have to do any of that.”

I met his eyes, fighting back my own tears, “I know. I just didn’t want you coming home to that. It was the last thing you needed to worry about.”

He pulled me into a tight embrace, “Thank you. For everything. I know I’ve said it a lot already, but I don’t deserve you.”

I sighed, leaning back to meet his gaze, “Stop saying that. You do too.”

He nodded, turning away from me as he wiped at his face. He took another moment to look around, shaking his head slightly.

“Alright, let’s…umm…get this done. Being here is making my chest hurt.”

“You sure it's not from that greasy ass burger you ate?”

He squeezed his eyes shut and snorted out a laugh. When he looked back at me, I could tell that helped him relax some, “You might be right.”

We worked in silence as we gathered his things. He was entirely focused on the task at hand, obviously trying not to think of other things. It took no time at all between the two of us and soon we were loading his duffle and backpack into the car to head over to my place.

We grabbed our bags from the trunk before heading inside. As I moved toward the bedroom, I noticed he had stopped just inside the living room, seeming unsure of himself.

I quirked an eyebrow in his direction, “Something wrong?”

He laughed nervously, “Umm, where do you want me to put my stuff?”

I tilted my head, confused by his question, “In the bedroom…”

He shifted the bags on his shoulders awkwardly, “Sorry…I just didn’t wanna assume and make you uncomfortable…”

I couldn’t help smiling at him. He was always thinking about my feelings, and I appreciated that more than he would ever know.

“I’ll work on making some space in the closet for you. I don’t want you living out of a bag anymore while you’re home.”

The cheesiest smile slid across his face as he took in my words. When I turned to continue toward the bedroom, he followed.

He stood digging through his bag that was perched on the edge of the bed as I approached him from behind, snaking my hands under his arms to rest on his chest and leaning my forehead between his shoulder blades. He tensed slightly before relaxing into the embrace and grabbing hold of one of my hands, rubbing it gently with his thumb.

“I can’t believe you’re here. I’m almost afraid I’m gonna wake up and realize it’s a dream.”

He pulled my hand up to his mouth and kissed my fingertips, “I’m not going anywhere, mi estrella.”

I took a minute to inhale his scent before kissing the back of his neck.

“I think I’m gonna go shower.”

He paused his movements, looking down toward his bag, “I’m probably gonna journal for a while. I’ve been doing that in the evenings before I go to sleep…to wind down.”

I reached up to rub the hair at the nape of his neck as I moved to his side, looking up at him. He gave me a tight-lipped smile before he started to dig through his bag again, not meeting my eyes. I felt like he was suddenly putting up a wall. He had a long day, so I tried to not let it bother me too much as I headed toward the bathroom.

After showering and towel drying my hair, I made my way back to the bedroom. To my surprise, Dieter was on his side of the bed and appeared to be asleep. This was certainly not how I saw the evening ending. I sighed, making my way over to my side to get settled in, moving carefully so as not to disturb him. I laid there staring at the ceiling, trying to ignore my intrusive thoughts as I listened to his steady breathing. I was concerned that he was already regretting his decision. However, the rational side of my brain kept reminding me that he would need time to adjust. I eventually managed to fall into a restless sleep.

When I awoke the next morning, Dieter was already up. I wasn’t surprised given his previous schedule the last three months at Sanctuary Hills, but I had to admit that I was a little disappointed. I really wanted to wake up with him. I took a moment to stretch before sitting up to reach for my phone on the nightstand. I immediately noticed the open journal beside my phone. It was ours, the one we had both been writing in. I grabbed for it instead, closing it slightly with my finger still marking the page. I had a sinking feeling, suddenly worried it was a goodbye letter or something else equally distressing. I took a steadying breath as I leaned back against the headboard and opened it. My breath caught in my throat once I saw what was on the pages.

On the left side, was a rough pencil sketch of me sleeping. On the right, a journal entry from today.

This is the picture I’ve had in my mind since you left Canada…beautiful and at peace. While you were there, I stayed awake and watched you sleep for hours, trying to memorize everything I could. It’s what kept me going all this time even though I felt like I could never get the details right. Seeing you sleeping this morning made me realize my memory could never do you justice. I was naive for thinking otherwise and for trying. Today I woke up feeling whole. I can’t remember the last time I felt that. Thank you for making it possible. For the first time in my life, I’m actually excited about the future, and I can’t wait to spend it with you. D.

I could feel my heart clench in my chest. Any doubts I was having were now shattered by his words. We just needed to find our rhythm and he needed time to decompress.

After reading his journal entry a couple more times, I finally crawled out of bed. It was a little chilly, so I threw on my robe and tied it shut as I made my way toward the kitchen. As soon as I walked out of the bedroom, I could smell food cooking. I couldn’t help smiling to myself as I rounded the corner and found Dieter standing in front of the stove in nothing but gym shorts, cursing and jerking his hand back as the bacon grease popped at him. I took a minute to admire the lean muscles of his back, and how they flexed as he moved. He looked so fucking good.

I padded over and hugged him from behind, laying my cheek against his bare back. He rubbed one hand up my arm as he turned his head toward me to say good morning. I nuzzled my nose into the back of his neck and inhaled his scent before responding.

“Thank you for the note this morning. I needed that.”

Sensing the sullen undertone to my words, he turned to face me, letting one hand settle on my hip while the other reached to stroke my hair away from my face as he held my gaze.

His brows pinched together, “Is something wrong?”

I gave him a weak smile, “No, nothing now. I was just feeling a little insecure yesterday. I thought maybe you were shutting me out or holding back a little…But I realize you need time to adjust. It’s not a big deal. It’s just me being in my head.”

He sighed, pulling me against his chest, “I’m sorry. You’re not wrong. We probably should have talked about this in a little more detail…”

I felt my heart rate spike as the anxiety kicked in. That was not the response I expected. I pulled back, trying to keep my face neutral as I looked up at him. However, based on his panicked expression, I clearly wasn’t doing a good job of it. He rubbed at his face with one hand, shaking his head.

“Fuck. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded…I was…holding back some…but only because I didn’t want you to feel pressured to immediately pick up where we left off. In case you needed some time or…wanted to take things slow. I was just gonna try to follow your lead, ya know what I mean?”

I could feel the tension leave my body as he spoke. I smiled up at him, nodding in understanding, “I appreciate that you took that under consideration, but I can assure you that it’s not necessary. I said I was all in for this and that means everything that comes with it. If you wanna hold my hand, kiss me, or anything else, just fucking do it. You can trust that I’ll tell you if you’re doing something that makes me uncomfortable.”

He visibly relaxed some, smiling as he placed both hands on my hips and pulled me against his body. He nuzzled his nose against my ear, speaking quietly, “I’m sorry. I should’ve just brought it up yesterday. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, fingertips twisting in the soft curls at the nap of his neck, “It’s ok. We’ve just gotta make sure we’re communicating about everything so there aren’t any misunderstandings. Ok?”

He nodded as he leaned his head against mine. I closed the space between us, gently taking his plump bottom lip between mine. I could feel his grip on my hips tighten slightly as the kiss deepened. I pulled away, breathlessly glancing over his shoulder, “Your bacon is burning.”

His eyes widened as he quickly turned toward the stove, “Fuuuck.”

Just as I started to laugh at him, the doorbell rang.

“You expecting anyone?” I asked, surprised that someone would be here this early. He shook his head as he moved to get the bacon out of the pan.

“Huh…me neither. I’ll get it.”

As I passed into the living room, the doorbell started to ring again. Clearly someone was impatient this morning. When I opened the door, I found one of the absolute last people that I expected standing there with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked in disbelief.

She rolled her eyes, “Ty told me that Dieter is back and that he’s staying with you.”

“Did Ty give you my address too?” That guy was starting to get on my nerves now.

“Yes, because I want to see him.”

I scoffed, “You’ve got a lot of nerve showing up like this. I’m pretty sure Gabby told you that he didn’t wanna see you.”

She sneered, “Like I’m going to believe anything she says. If he doesn’t want to see me anymore, I want to hear it from his mouth.”

I felt the door push open further as Dieter came to stand behind me. I could sense how tense he was from his close proximity to my backside and his sudden and firm grip around my waist. His voice was low and full of frustration when he spoke up.

“What're you doing here, Anna?”

She seemed taken aback by his tone and appearance, staring at him wide-eyed for a moment before responding.

“Ty said you were back from treatment. I wanted to see how you’re doing.”

Dieter scoffed, “Of course he did. Did he tell you what kind of treatment too?”

Anna shook her head, “No. I didn’t ask. I just assumed it was rehab given what happened.”

Dieter moved forward to stand beside me in the doorway. One arm stayed around my waist while the other rested on his hip.

“Rehab…of course. That is the rumor, right?”

Anna's eyes widened in surprise to his response, like she didn’t know what he was talking about.

Dieter continued, “I wasn’t in rehab. I was in a mental health facility.”

She had the nerve to look concerned, “What? Why? Are you ok? Did SHE con you into doing that?”

I was the one with the scowl on my face now. I glanced up at Dieter, I could see the muscles in his jaw tightening.

“She had nothing to do with it. In fact, the hospital was gonna make me go if I didn’t do it myself. It actually wasn’t a bad thing…I learned a lot about myself and I’m a lot better now. Happy even. It might do you some good to give it a try.”

Anna’s eyes flashed with anger, “Excuse me?”

Dieter chewed on the inside of his cheek, fighting back a smile before he continued, “Given my diagnosis, it’s important that I manage my stress levels, which means cutting the problem people out of my life. That includes you. I don’t need your drama…negative influence…or lack of support. So…this is me telling you that we’re done. For good this time.”

Anna’s nostrils flared as she took in his words, “So what, she comes crawling back and suddenly I’m the problem again?

Dieter shook his head, “You know that’s not how it went down. I told you to fuck off before all this other stuff happened because you wouldn’t stop running your mouth and pushing me to do things…and I’m not stupid. I know you’ve been leaking shit to the tabloids.”

This was new information to me. I couldn’t say I was surprised by it. I was actually proud of him for having the sense to cut her off before now. I gave Anna a smug look. She knew she shouldn’t be here.

“You know I would never do that to you. How do you know she’s not the one leaking stuff? You really think this is gonna work out between you two this time? You already got rid of her once. You know she’s fucking with your head. Why are you allowing it to happen? You deserve better.”

Dieter inhaled deeply, pursing his lips as he eyed her. He shook his head slightly, stepping toward her, “Not that I need to explain any of this to you, but I think you need to hear it…I’m in love with her. She’s an amazing person with a good heart. I’m never leaving her again. It should have never happened the first time.”

He paused briefly, watching the fight leave her as her shoulders slumped at his words. He continued in a calm voice, “Ya know, this is exactly what I’m talking about…I’m not dealing with your toxic, mind fuck shit anymore. You need to leave. Don’t come back. Don’t call me. Don’t text me. We’re done. You understand? Is that clear enough for you?”

Anna was staring at the ground now, unable to look at him as she nodded in understanding. She gave me one last look of contempt as she slowly turned to leave.

Dieter moved to close the door, immediately turning to pull me into a hug, “I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Don’t let what she said bother you. She’s just trying to manipulate me like she always does.”

I leaned back to look up at him, “I don’t care about anything she says to me. It’s fine, I can take it. Are you ok though?”

He let out a measured breath as he rubbed up and down my arms, “Surprisingly…yes. Nothing she says matters to me anymore. She’s not worth the energy to be upset about it.”

My eyebrows arched upward, “I didn’t realize you two had a falling out…”

“Yeah…she kept saying she was tired of me being down and not partying with them, so she was pushing drugs and women at me constantly. When I said I wasn’t interested she would get mad and start running her mouth. I just got tired of it.”

I narrowed my eyes at him playfully, “Women? Hmm...”

His eyes widened as he vehemently started shaking his head, “Oh no, no, I didn’t…not with anyone.”

I chuckled, “I’m just messing with you. Even if you did…we weren’t together.”

His face relaxed, “Don’t worry, you were the only woman on my mind.” I cupped his cheeks, taking in the calm expression on his face before leaning in for a soft kiss. He smiled, nuzzling his nose against mine, “Let’s go eat breakfast and forget this happened.” I nodded as he took my hand and pulled me toward the kitchen.

It didn’t go unnoticed by me that he handled this confrontation with Anna completely different than the one at the restaurant. He remained calm and present the entire time. It was obvious that he was in a different place now. I actually felt proud of him and hoped it hadn’t caused him any undue stress.

The next couple of days kept us pretty busy. Ty had lined up several meetings to start getting Dieter’s contract obligations figured out before lawyers started getting involved due to delays. Since I had taken time off work, Dieter asked me to come with him to ensure he didn’t get talked into anything crazy.

As I sat listening to the conversations around me, it was obvious that Ty had a complete disregard for Dieter’s recovery as he pushed him to take on too much, too soon and couldn’t be bothered with the finer details of what would be needed for Dieter’s routine and self-care measures. I could see why Dieter wanted someone else there with him that knew his boundaries. Dieter did push back though. He got what he wanted and if concessions couldn’t be made for him, then he backed out of the projects. Ty was furious, but we ignored his outbursts. By the end of the week, Dieter had decided that he was ready to let Ty go. After discussing the change with Elaine, she happily put Dieter in touch with some new prospects that she felt would be a better fit.

After Ty got the news, it didn’t take long for new rumors to start making their rounds in the media about where Dieter had really been and the state of his mental health. We all knew Ty and maybe even Anna were behind it but had no proof. Elaine had recommended that we not address any of the rumors and deflect if questioned. However, after some thought, Dieter decided that he wanted to release a statement with the truth and maybe even eventually do an interview. He felt like it was his opportunity to address an important topic that didn’t get enough attention and was rather taboo to discuss, especially amongst actors out of fear that it would ruin their reputation. Given his own history and what had happened with his mom, he felt like it was a cause worthy of his support and he felt pretty strongly about it.

Elaine eventually acquiesced and drafted the statement. She ended it with a request “to respect the privacy of Mr. Bravo, his siblings, and Ms. Cohen as they continue to work through his recovery as a family.” Dieter had insisted I be included. He was making another statement without really saying it. I didn’t mind. We were back in LA after all, so we were bound to be seen together. Elaine agreed and thought it might cut back on some of the frenzy and speculation if we were open about being together, rather than trying to hide it. Dieter was anxious, but he didn’t second guess it as he told Elaine to hit send. The news was everywhere within the hour and the response to it was overwhelmingly positive.

Surprisingly, Dr. Rosenberg gave us a call later that afternoon to check in after seeing the press release. She was very supportive and actually thanked Dieter for being willing to share his story and raise awareness on the topic. We were still having regular calls with her until she found someone in LA that she was comfortable referring us to, but she wanted to continue to check in with us no matter what. We of course were thankful for her continued involvement and care for our wellbeing.

Later that evening, we had dinner at Gabby’s house. Everyone had called Dieter to check in since he had been home, but it was the first time they were getting to see him. Gabby wanted to give him some time to settle in before overwhelming him with a family get together. On the ride over, he admitted that he was nervous and worried that it would be awkward. However, his fears were quickly put to rest as he was welcomed with excitement and hugs from everyone. Lauren even shed a few tears. There was no awkwardness, only happiness to have both of us home.

Dieter stayed glued to my side the entire evening, constantly touching me in some way. He seemed happy and was having a good time. He didn’t appear to be anxious at all, so I was hopeful that meant he had other things on his mind. The glances that he kept sending my way seemed to confirm my thoughts.

We still hadn’t been intimate since coming home. He had relaxed significantly and had been extremely affectionate toward me after our conversation, but somehow, it hadn’t come to that. There were even a couple of instances where I felt like he was avoiding it. I had to tell my brain to stop thinking that way. However, when we got home that evening and a somewhat heated make out session started in the bathroom as we were getting ready for bed, he quickly pivoted by saying he was tired and still needed to do his journal entry before he fell asleep. I struggled to ignore it that time. My gut told me that something was up.

Several days later, we were sitting on the couch watching tv. I had thrown my legs over the top of his as I laid back onto a pile of pillows. His right hand was resting just above my bare knee, thumb occasionally rubbing in small circles. His other hand was gently massaging my feet. I absentmindedly stuck my hand up my tank to scratch at my stomach. From the corner of my eye, I noticed he was watching my hand, but trying not to be obvious about it. I did a small stretch, causing the hem to ride up further as I slid my fingers into the waistband of my shorts, looping my thumb over the top to rest there as I stayed focused on the tv. I felt the fingers on his right-hand twitch slightly before his whole hand started to rub and massage at my thigh.

He continued to stare blankly at the tv for several minutes, but I could feel the hardness forming under my legs. I moved slightly, grazing against him. His eyes shifted over to mine, and I smirked, moving my legs again. He grabbed hold of both my feet with his large hand, stalling my movements.

I bit my bottom lip, narrowing my eyes as I looked at him, “What’s going on in that head of yours today?”

He cleared his throat, “I’m watching tv. The show is on my mind.”

I slid my hand downward slightly, tugging the waistband of the shorts with my thumb. I slowly brought my other hand upward across my stomach, raising the hem of my tank further, letting it rest just under my breast. Then, I loosely clenched my thighs together. I knew he could feel it because his eyes darted down in that direction before going back to the tv. I could tell he was fighting a smile as his right hand continued its movements. The heat of his touch radiating directly to my core, now causing my thighs to involuntarily clench together, tighter this time. He closed his eyes and tucked his bottom lip between his teeth as his fingers dug into the soft meaty area above my knee.

“Sorry, I’ve got a little bit of an ache…maybe that’s something you can help me with?”

He opened his eyes and gave me a tight-lipped smile, “Alright, fine. You win.”

He laughed quietly as he shifted to move up my body, placing open mouthed kisses on bare skin as he went. When he made it to my chest, I felt his hand tentatively sliding toward the waistband of my shorts. I covered it with mine and guided it underneath to where I wanted it. Once he realized I wasn’t wearing any panties, he groaned into my neck. As his hand sunk lower, he groaned again, “Fucking hell, your soaking wet.”

My breath hitched as he slid his fingers between my folds and got to work. My hands found their way to the back of his head, tightly gripping his curls to pull him upward so I could kiss him even though I was already breathless. It had been too long, and I already felt like I was floating. It wasn’t going to take long for me to finish at this rate.

Our tongues tangled together as my hips moved in rhythm with his motions. I moaned into his mouth, pulling away to catch my breath. My eyes involuntarily squeezed shut as I could feel the familiar tingle building in my core. Dieter placed his forehead against mine, “Look at me…I want you looking at me when you come undone.”

My eyes met his as my thighs started to tremble. I mumbled something unintelligible against his lips as my release ripped through me. He nudged his nose against mine, watching as I lost it underneath the weight of his body.

Before I had a chance to completely recover, he was kissing me again. It was almost frenzied as he bucked his hips against my center, nearly making me come for a second time with minimal effort. My hand slowly moved down toward the front of his gym shorts. He broke away, leaning his forehead against mine, squeezing his eyes shut as he shook his head slightly. He sighed and moved to sit up, rubbing at his face with both hands.

My brows knitted together in concern as I set up at his side, “Hey, what's wrong?”

He laughed in disbelief through his hands before dropping them to his lap and looking at me with an odd expression that I couldn’t read.

“I can’t fucking believe this is happening…I’m sorry, I should have said something the other day, but I was hoping it wasn’t actually an issue.”

I was completely lost, “What’s going on?”

He looked at me wide-eyed, his mouth hanging open slightly for a moment before any words came out, “I think I’m having…performance anxiety or something.” He laughed again. “Talk about being ironic.”

My eyebrows arched upward, “Ooooh...Are you sure that’s what it is? Maybe it’s your medication? I mean, the doctor did say that could be a side effect.”

He shook his head as a deep crease formed between his brows, “I don’t think it’s that…I mean, I still get aroused and can…you know…”

His lips formed into a line, “Fuck. I can’t believe I’m having this conversation.”

He put his hand back over his face out of embarrassment. I reached over and squeezed his knee.

“So, you can take care of things yourself then? Is that what you’re saying?” I wasn’t sure how I wanted him to answer that question. It was going to sting either way.

“Yeah, I mean after the other night…When I woke up the next morning…in the shower. I felt like an asshole afterwards though.”

I bit the inside of my cheek, looking away from him. I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. I couldn’t help feeling insecure over it and he could sense it.

“It’s got nothing to do with you. You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re…fucking perfect.” He reached over to grab my hand, lacing our fingers together, “If it makes you feel better, I was thinking about you when I did it…”

I gave him a look that fell somewhere between a grimace and a smile, before I let a small laugh escape. Meanwhile, he was slowly descending into panic.

“I promise, it’s me. I’m just getting all in my head about everything and it kind of ruins the moment.” He gestured toward his crotch with his free hand and had an annoyed look on his face.

I somehow managed a neutral expression, “Do you wanna talk about what’s bothering you then? Maybe it’ll help.” I shrugged, giving him a sympathetic look.

He sighed heavily, “I just…I dunno…I think I’m worried it’s gonna be different somehow…that I’m gonna be different. What if I can’t connect emotionally or feel things like before? I mean that’s always been kind of an important part of it for us…the emotional connection. You know what I mean? That makes me worry it’s gonna be bad for you if I can no longer give you that part of myself because something’s different in my brain.”

I could feel my chest tightening as I realized this was really getting to him, “I mean, Dr. Rosenberg said how you feel about things wouldn’t change. It’s not like your emotions are turned off. You still feel things.”

“Yeah, but it's not always as intense as before.” His dark eyes were giving me a pleading look. Like he was expecting me to up and leave over this.

“Well, that’s not necessarily a bad thing in some instances…and who knows, maybe it’ll be even better now since you’re more present and in control of everything.”

He chuckled, “God, if it gets any better than it was, I may not be able to handle it.”

I smiled at him. At least his sense of humor was still intact.

“It’s kind of a compounding thing too, because now I’m just like…fuck, I have to be able do this or she’s gonna be unsatisfied and unhappy you know? I don’t want to mess shit up again. Then it’s just…like…these negative pressuring thoughts on repeat, and I can’t make it stop.”

I gave him a smirk as I moved to wrap my arms around his neck, “You’re more than qualified to satisfy me in a couple other ways…as you just demonstrated. So, don’t even think about that anymore. I’m not going anywhere. We will figure it out together, ok?”

He nodded, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me onto his lap for a comforting embrace.

I kissed the top of his head, “Thank you for telling me.”

“So, what do you think we should do?” He asked against my neck.

“Well, I say we just try again when the mood strikes and see what happens. Maybe now that you’ve told me what’s going on…it’ll get better.”

He nodded before turning to give me a quick kiss. (More after the gif)

Over the next week, we had a few more failed attempts. It only seemed to be discouraging him further. I could sense it happening each time and there was no way of stopping it. I could tell it was starting to weigh on him, so I decided to give Dr. Rosenberg a call. Apparently, this was a pretty common issue, and she offered a few suggestions. Starting with giving him tasks to focus on while I was in charge of things. I felt like I could work with that. He did like my bossy side after all. So, I started to formulate a plan of action to solve the problem at hand.

The following morning, I was awakened to the feeling of Dieter’s rough hand slowly sliding up my bare hip to the middle of my waist, then back down again. Once he realized I had nothing on underneath the t-shirt I had worn to bed, it seemed to have the desired effect. His grip tightened, fingers digging into soft flesh as he pulled my ass backwards against the hardness that he had woken up with. I couldn’t help the sly smile that slid across my face, hoping that this might actually get somewhere if I could keep him focused on what he was feeling rather than what he was thinking.

I did a full body stretch, humming from the feel of it as I leaned my back against his chest. He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck as he groaned, tightening his grip on my hip further and grinding into my backside. I reached up with my right hand and gently tugged the soft curls at the crown of his head as he ran his nose up the length of my stretched-out neck, then around the edge of my ear. The feel of his hot breath against the sensitive area caused me to break out in goosebumps, putting every nerve ending in my body on alert.

I turned my head to meet his lips, pulling him down into a slow and sensual kiss. I removed my hand from his hair then lightly slid it down his arm to sit atop his hand on my hip. I laced my fingers through the top of his and guided his hand up under my shirt to rest on my breast, encouraging him to knead it in the palm of his hand. We both moaned quietly through locked lips from the contact as I scooted to lay flat on my back. He settled between my thighs as I hooked my leg around his hip, rubbing my bare center against the hardness in his shorts. He pressed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes momentarily as I continued moving against him. When he opened them, I could tell he was starting to get lost in his head again, hesitating before he leaned down to kiss me.

I broke away from the kiss, snaking my left hand up into his hair, gripping it firmly between my fingers and pulling his ear down to meet my lips. I gently sucked on the lobe before whispering, “Lay down on your back and close your eyes.” The distraction of my words brought him back to the moment as he pulled away, looking down at me with a playful but questioning grin on his face. He was clearly intrigued by my instructions as he did what was asked.

Once he was situated, I moved to slide his shorts down. He raised his hips off the bed to assist in removing them. Once they were discarded on the floor, I slowly crawled up his body, making light grazes across his skin along the way. Placing open mouthed kisses on his muscular thighs before nipping and sucking on them playfully. Eventually, I moved to straddle his hips. I pulled my t-shirt over my head and tossed it on the floor before leaning down to suck on his bottom lip. After grabbing both of his hands in mine, I pulled away from the kiss with a pop. I moved to whisper in his ear again, “Don’t open your eyes. If you do, I'll stop. Just focus on my voice and what you’re feeling. Nothing else.”

Dieter’s breath stuttered as he slowly shook his head in agreement. The anticipation and not knowing what to expect causing his skin to flush. The idea of giving him a task to focus on was clearly keeping his intrusive thoughts at bay for the time being as he continued to harden beneath me. I sat upright, pulling his hands with me, and placing them on my breast. Encouraging him to let them roam and caress my body. I guided them down to feel up my thighs and around to grip my ass. As his fingers dug into the meaty flesh, I rolled my hips, rubbing my aching wet center against him.

“You feel that? You did that to me.”

He groaned at my words and bucked his hips up against me, seeking more friction. I grabbed his right hand and brought it down to rub the slick at my center.

“This is all for you,” I added before bringing his hand to my mouth and sucking his fingers clean. I watched as his eyes snapped open in shock to meet mine. I stopped and pulled his hands away from my body.

“Eyes closed or it stops.”

He huffed loudly, “You’re gonna make me have a fucking heart attack,” as he closed his eyes again.

I couldn’t help the mischievous smile that slid across my face as I took in the sight of him, already panting and his skin beading with sweat. My plan appeared to be working.

I took his hands and guided them to lay above his head, momentarily pinning them there to give further instruction.

“No baby, I’m gonna make you feel good. Then you’re gonna make love to me. Don’t open your eyes again or move your hands. I mean it, I’ll stop.”

He whimpered quietly as he let out a measured breath, nodding in agreement. I went to work, worshiping every inch of him. Starting at his neck, licking and sucking his flushed skin as I worked my way down his torso. Alternating between light touches in the sensitive areas and deep massaging over his taut muscles. With every movement my wet center rubbed against his hardness as he continued to grind his hips against me, causing that electric tingling sensation to build. However, this time was about his pleasure, not mine. So, I started to move backward to straddle his legs as I continued to work my way down his body with my mouth. He groaned at the loss of contact until I took his dick in my hand and started stroking it, spreading my wetness up and down his shaft as I nipped and sucked on his hip.

He was beginning to squirm beneath me. It was clearly becoming harder for him to keep his hands in place as he knotted the sheets in his fingers above his head and tightly squeezed his eyes shut. A sweat covered crease formed between his brows as he fought to control himself. I let my hot breath blow against him as I spoke up to remind him not to move or open his eyes before taking him into my mouth.

His elbows jerked up off the bed and I immediately pulled back, ceasing my movements. He mumbled something in Spanish that I couldn’t quite make out as he put his arms back in place. This was driving him crazy, but it was also keeping all of the negative thoughts out of his head, and I was loving every second of it.

I took as much of his length into my mouth as I could and used one hand to stroke the remainder of the shaft while the other moved to massage his balls in a wave motion with my fingertips. I could tell it was taking everything in him not to look down at me or reach for my hair. He tried to move his legs, but they were pinned under me, further limiting his response to my actions. He was quickly melting into a sweaty, groaning, writhing mess underneath me as I licked and sucked on his sensitive head.

Once his thighs started to shake and his balls began to tighten, I removed him from my mouth and stopped my motions. He growled and pulled a pillow over his face, yelling expletives into it. I couldn’t help the laughter that escaped me. I was enjoying this too much. Once he had calmed down some, I worked to bring him back to the edge, again ceasing my motions once he was there.

After allowing him to come back down a second time, I moved to straddle his hips. I placed him at my entrance and slowly sank down onto his length, allowing him to stretch me in the most delightful way. Once I was able to fully take him in, I leaned forward to grab his arms, pulling him to sit upright and placing his hands on my ass to help guide my movement. Realizing he still had his eyes closed as I placed my forehead against his, a smile spread across my face before whispering against his lips, “You can open your eyes now.”

Dieter’s eyes slowly opened, revealing that his pupils were fully dilated with arousal. There was no stopping him now. He was focused and determined as he crashed his lips against mine in a passionate kiss before tangling his hand in my hair, gently pulling my head backwards and burying his face into the crook of my neck. I continued to rock against him as he nipped and sucked at the sensitive area just above my collarbone, sending electrical shocks directly to my core with his touch and the scrap of his scruffy beard. My fingers moved to knot into his sweaty curls, pulling him tightly against me as we moved in unison.

We knew how to do this, how to read each other’s bodies and connect in the most intimate and emotional ways. Though he had been worried about it being different, about him being different, it wasn’t something we would ever lose. It was engraved into our very souls. He just needed to be shown the way back to me, to us. There was no hesitation from him now as he angled my face toward his, releasing his hold on my hair to bring his thumb to rest on my chin and stroke it gently. Our eyes locked into an intense gaze for a time while we continued to move together. My forehead eventually fell forward to rest against his as beads of sweat rolled down both of our faces from the exertion. Both of us taking turns stealing kisses from the other between the soft moans and heavy breathing. Our connection felt just as strong as it had been previously.

As Dieter got closer to his climax, he reached for my right hand, disentangling it from his hair and brought it to his mouth. After gently sucking and swirling his tongue around the tips of my fingers, he moved them to the bundle of nerves at my center, encouraging me to find my release with him while he worked to speed up our rhythm. With both of his hands placed firmly on my ass, fingers digging into the soft flesh there, he continued guiding my rocking movements against him. His eyes never left my face as he watched me come undone on top of him, quietly whispering praises against my lips as I got closer to the edge. Once my muscles started to clench down around him, he fell over the edge with me. Both of us letting out loud groans with our releases. His face fell forward into the crook of my neck, his hot breath blowing against me as I hugged him tightly, both of us trembling and sweaty from our activities.

We sat like that for several minutes, giving each other a chance to come down from our mutual high. He eventually lulled his head back to look up at me with a lazy smile on his face, which caused his eyes to crinkle in that way I loved. I leaned down to capture his pillowy bottom lip into a sensual kiss, knitting his hair in one hand while the other slid across the rough scruff on his cheek. He groaned into my mouth before breaking the kiss, then nuzzled his nose against mine.

Dieter let out a breathy laugh as he started twisting my hair around his fingers against the middle of my back with one hand, allowing the other to wander freely across my body as he studied my face, “I certainly wasn’t expecting to wake up to that. What has gotten into you this morning? Not that I’m complaining…”

“Well…it looks like you did.”

He snorted, “Seriously, where did that come from?”

I ran my hand down the side of his face to cup his cheek, “Oh, you know me…I’m really good at operations management. Just working through things to figure out the most efficient process for peak outcomes,” I said with a smirk.

He chuckled, “You know I think it’s hot when you’re all bossy. Give me fifteen minutes and we can test out that process again, ya know, and make sure it’s efficient…Actually, if you wanna take it up a few notches, I may only need ten.”

“Is that right?” I mumbled against his lips with a smile, he nodded in response before kissing me. We melted into each other, bodies pressed together as our tongues and hands explored every area of skin they could reach. It wasn’t long before I could feel him getting hard again.

Hours later, we laid in bed facing each other, with lazy smiles and blissfully spent. I had missed him like this, completely relaxed and carefree. Whatever block he had been experiencing seemed to now be non-existent as he lightly drug his fingers up and down the length of my bare side and randomly kissed me as we talked. The weight had lifted, allowing the spark of happiness to return to his eyes. His playfulness was on full display as he laughed at my words and threw in the occasional innuendo.

He grew quiet after a time, studying my face. His brows creased slightly as he took hold of my hand and brought it to his cheek for a moment, before closing his eyes and turning to kiss it gently. When he met my gaze again, I could see a range of emotions playing out across his expression.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

He smiled as he nuzzled his face into my hand, “You’ve always been able to read me so well. No one else knows how to do that.”

I scratched at his scruffy face and gave him an encouraging smile. He sighed, wrapping his arm around me to pull me snuggly against his chest before burying his face in the top of my hair.

“I was just thinking how lucky I am to have you…just kinda taking a minute to appreciate what I have and be hopeful for the future…Our future together.”

I could sense that wasn’t everything, “Is that all?”

He huffed out a small laugh into my hair, “No.”

Of course, I could tell it wasn’t. I pulled away some to meet his eyes, waiting for him to continue. He avoided my stare as he thought through his words. His brows knitted together, eyes turning glassy. I could tell he was fighting back emotions.

“I just…it’s hard not to be angry about the time we lost. It’s always gonna be one of my biggest regrets.”

I sat up on my elbow, cradling his face in my other hand, forcing him to look at me.

“You can’t move forward if you're dwelling on the past. You’re gonna have to let that go. I’m guilty of it too. I did it first, remember?”

His lips twitched upward at the memory.

“It was months. Why focus on a handful of shitty months when we have years ahead of us to look forward to?”

He smiled, leaning into my hand before pulling me down to meet his lips. It finally felt like we had gotten over our last major hurdle and could now focus on our future together.

A/N: And there we have it! Our two lovebirds are finally back together! How excited are you for that? And that journal entry - Swoon! 😍 How amazing did it feel for Dieter to tell Anna off for good and get rid of Ty? Do you think Rylee will come back to work with him? And how about him releasing a statement...Good or bad idea? Also, how adorable is he with all his worries? Poor thing with his performance anxiety...you all had to know his love of Talia's boss lady side was going to come into play at some point, right? So, it looks like I'm still on schedule to have one more chapter and an epilogue to finish this out. I almost split this one since it came in at over 10k words but decided against it. I threw in a few gifs to break it up a bit though. Can you feel that happy ending on the horizon now? Please feel free to show your enthusiasm with messages and reblogs. 😘 👉 In case you missed it, The Knight & His Queen was posted over the holidays. This is a four-part series I completed for the PedroStories Secret Santa event, and it has been posted in its entirety. It's another Dieter Bravo fic where our beloved trash panda takes a dive into the world of mystics, tarot readings, and love. Give it a read. It's fun, fluffy, and fairly angst free.

Next Chapter

Tag List: @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @for-a-longlongtime @hisandsnakes @chaoticfestninja @survivingandenduring @partyofone3413 @wannab-urs @cakipy-blog @titlee78 @poodlebae @guelyury @missladym1981 @maried01 @alokaerza @samiamproductions @misstokyo7love @themonadiaries-blog @madnessofadaydreamer @darkheartgatita @avastrasposts @weho2kcmo @harriedandharassed @tkchaos @girlofchaos @yghuibt @musings-of-a-rose @annieispunk @sarcasm-theotherwhitemeat @copperhalfcent @pedrostories

Let me know in the comments below if you would like to be added to the tag list.

#dieter bravo #dieter bravo fic #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal character fanfic #Destiny & Deliverance Series #friends of juice collective

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lurkingshan · 2 months

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Japanese QL Corner

ICYMI: There are so many Japanese qls airing weekly, so I’m going to start posting this little round up at the end of each week. Most of these shows are on Gaga and I highly recommend watching!

Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna 2

Another great batch of episodes this week, as Kasuga and Nomoto settled into dating life, all the gals got together for various food related events, and Nagumo began seeking treatment for her eating disorder. This show is just always so compassionate with its characters, and manages to find interesting conflicts without going for high drama. I am very much enjoying seeing Kasuga and Nomoto figure out how their relationship should look now that they're dating and also how to communicate and respect each other as they make decisions. Kasuga's tendency to let Nomoto steamroll her feels harmless when it's about picking fruit or vegetables, but it won't be when it comes to making decisions about where they live and how to set up their home, so it's great they're addressing it early. It's also awesome to see them expand their circle of friends and deepen their bonds with Yako and Nagumo--I was high key jealous of the curry and s'mores parties. And Nagumo just has my whole heart. When she expressed profound relief at learning there is a name for her illness and ways to treat it, my mind immediately jumped to Rachel Bloom. Looking forward to her healing. I can't believe there is only one more batch of episodes coming, love and gratitude to @furritsubs!

Chaser Game W

I’ll keep this brief. This show was a mess, and not even in a fun way because unfortunately it was also extremely misogynistic. @twig-tea covered the major issues well in her post. Wild that this show aired simultaneously with TsukuTabe, what a dichotomy.

My Strawberry Film

This one is really not grabbing me. It feels kind of slow and muted and uncertain about what it's doing. I am not finding the mystery or the love rhombus compelling, and this week's focus on Hikaru's infatuation with Minami had me yawning and picking up my phone a lot. But it's early, I am hopeful it will pick up some steam.

Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka

This was a cute episode about Sakae and Soga getting past their initial awkwardness, learning how to communicate with each other, and moving into a more intimate phase of their relationship, and I think I would have loved it if we'd gotten it two weeks ago. This should have been the episode that followed their initial confessions, but instead the show did a two week diversion into love triangle nonsense, and unfortunately, I think it really threw off the pacing and the connection to these characters for me. It just feels too late in the show for this relationship to still feel so new. We haven't had time to settle in with them as a couple, or for them to develop a strong foundation to make us root for them to overcome the coming obstacles in the final arc. Still, this episode had some delightful scenes--Soga finally paying a visit to the sauna was my personal fav, and I also enjoyed the metaphor of Sakae literally catching Soga's love (and knowing @bengiyo would lose it over another important SPORTS moment in bl). This is a show I really want to love, but something just isn't connecting.

Perfect Propose

I love this final episode and I love this show. Hiro quit his job, Kai resolved things with the shop owner and his son, and they finally got on the same page about their relationship and made out about it. 10/10 no notes for this finale. It was lovely to see Hiro finish his project and make a decision to quit the daily grind--I loved, too, that he is still in touch with his former colleagues--and we saw the change in him so quickly. He looked happier, lighter, brighter. His skin was cleared and his crops were watered! And Kai got to have his moment of catharsis too, sharing his fear that he is a burden on others and having Hiro affirm for him that he wants him in his life and he's a help, not a burden. And I loved that we got all that plus a great kiss, a bed scene (with a very cute leg cramp diversion) and a small peek at their new domestic life together. This show makes me happy and it will definitely be one I return to for rewatches.

Ossan's Love Returns

I'm of two minds on this finale. On the one hand, I really loved it as a single episode of the show, was happy with where all the resolutions landed, and was left with a very warm feeling toward the show overall. The cherry blossom scene especially really got me right in the feels; I've loved the progression of Maki and Haruta's relationship this season and I love the way they talk to each other. They have earned themselves a spot on my list of favorite drama couples who I actually believe are going to stay together. I also loved everything about the big chaotic group scene and all these characters coming together to pour love on Haruta; it felt earned after a season of him knocking himself out for all his loved ones. The end joke with Chief moving in next door, and getting a final Maki/Kurosawa battle, was *chef's kiss*. And Takegawa's perfect life partner being a cat? 10/10 no notes. I will be clutching my aroace Takegawa read tightly to my bosom.

On the other hand, the episode reinforced for me that the way we got to a lot of these resolutions didn't feel quite right. In particular, I don't think the way Kurosawa's health scare played out across the back half of the season worked, and I'm not too pleased about spending three episodes in a downbeat, tragic mode for the sake of a simple pun joke. I think the whole plot would have landed a lot better for me if the audience was let in on Kurosawa's mistake at the start and the tone of his overwrought goodbyes was farcical all the way through. Not only would that have maintained the comedic tone of the show, but we could have used that story time to better seed some of the themes of this episode with Haruta's crisis of confidence and yearning for family. I'm pretty much agnostic on Kiku and Izumi; they never sold me on that pairing but I wasn't mad about their ending.

Overall, I am very glad I jumped into this show and enjoyed the watch experience a lot, despite my quibbles with some of the overarching writing choices. The cast is amazing and all the characters make me smile. If they make another season, I'll be watching!

Bonus: Josi teki Saikatsu

I finally watched this drama this week--I held out for awhile hoping to find it in better quality, but no dice, it's 480p in the grey--and despite the potato lens I loved it so much. This is the story of Miki, a transfemme lesbian, just trying to live her life in the way she wants, and all the barriers she comes up against in that pursuit. Our story begins when her childhood friend, Goto, comes looking for his old pal in a moment of desperation and is stunned to see how she's changed. The show is only four short episodes, but they manage to paint a full picture of Miki's life at home, at work, with friends and lovers, and with her estranged family, and show us how she became who she is. Miki is whip smart and perceptive and generous, but also wary of trusting anyone after she's been let down by so many loved ones. I love her so much, and you will too. This story was written by a trans woman and it shows! Brave the 480p and check it out.

#japanese ql corner #tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna #she loves to cook and she loves to eat #chaser game w #my strawberry film #sukiyanen kedo do yaro ka #perfect propose #ossan's love returns #josi teki saikatsu #life as a girl #japanese bl #japanese gl #jdrama

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stargirlfics · 1 year

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B U T T E R F L Y

Joel Miller x Black Latina Reader

Summary: Sometimes the path to healing starts with a reminder of what’s been lost

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, death tw, child death tw, some TLOU spoilers but doesn’t follow canon, post-outbreak!Joel, angst, hurt/comfort, trauma and violence mentions, fluff, slow burn vibe, mutual pining

Word Count: 5.6k

My mind has been stuck on the butterfly imagery connecting Sarah and Joel in the show, and in the game too! I grew up hearing from my abuelita that monarch butterflies are symbols of loved ones who’ve passed and I thought that would fit well here! This fic explores grief and pain but also finding hope through it too 🦋

To be soft-hearted at the world’s violent end, that’s where you’d decided to make a home for your heart with all its fragile beating.

Doomed is what they all said you were, surviving the outbreak this long sooner or later came with a price and they had been right, but still, half out of spite, half out of needing something to hang onto, the tenderness of you remained.

Surviving was a miracle and most could go on just grateful to wake up another day, but you’d seen how void life was lived here in the ruins of a former world, and as doomed as it all appeared, you tried your best to find pockets of light where you could, fighting the urge to shut yourself away.

Because maybe one day those pockets of light would be abundant where they were once scarce, maybe one day, if you kept yourself open to it, there would be a sign of a changing tide to let you know you were finally safe.

How strange signs could be, in plain sight but unseen until your brain could catch up with what your soul was feeling, and rarely did they ever come without complexity.

In your case, that complexity came with a stern scowl that belonged to one Joel Miller.

The first whispers you’d ever heard about Joel were that he was grumpy, stubborn, and not the kind of man to be messed with. He was the muscle behind trades done in shadowed alleys here in the QZ, illegal substances, weapons, extra ration cards, you name it.

He was intimidating to most people, even you; having a reputation for being a man of few words and an even shorter fuse would do that but you knew there to be sorrow there too, etched deep in the lines of his face, reflecting like moonlight in his eyes.

You’d never spoken to him, not in all your time in Boston, always seeming to narrowly avoid crossing paths, but you often saw him from afar. In the town square, catching glimpses of him waiting in line to collect a job’s earnings or in the pit, hauling bodies to the acrid cremation pyres smoldering hot throughout the day.

If you thought about it, that’s where you saw the sorrow most.

That old, faded bandana he wore over his nose to block out the stench of burning gave you the clearest view of his eyes; sad, angry orbs fixated on the task like it was penance for him.

All those hushed whispers told you he wasn’t a good man, that he had hurt people to get what he needed, and that wasn’t a surprise, you’d seen it enough to understand the grim nature of the wasteland you were in, how people often turned against each other if they thought it meant they’d live to see another day.

Maybe that understanding was how it happened that day, the first time you’d meet, something in your soul already well tangled with something in his yet neither of you knew it yet.

You’d been expecting someone else at your door that evening, a friend of yours with a bag of good soil snuck in from the outside in exchange for a radio of yours that was in decent shape.

Instead, you were greeted by Joel Miller, bag in hand, a frown already on his face as he explained the switch up, even pointing to a note on the bag in your friend's handwriting to vouch for him.

His voice had caught you off guard, a low, gruff bass in his careful cadence, Texan accent making the words go down smooth.

“Okay, no problem, she did tell me she wasn’t sure if she would really make use of it. You can step in if you want, I’ll just be a second.”

Maybe you shouldn’t have been so trusting.

That’s how people got robbed, taken advantage of, murdered and you weren’t going to get any sympathy from neighbors or any FEDRA soldiers in the area if something were to happen but despite that, and his reputation, you didn’t feel unsafe.

Quite the opposite.

Joel was certainly the grumpy type and you didn’t doubt he was capable of hurting you if he wanted but as you returned with the radio you found him just where you’d left him, his body filling your doorway in a way that reminded you of a guard dog.

Something had caught his eye in the time it had taken you to walk back, gaze fixed somewhere behind you.

It took you a second to realize what exactly he was staring at, eyes tracking him and following until they landed on the butterfly figurine hanging from the makeshift curtains of your kitchen sink window.

Golden hour light warming the window had bathed the glass winged butterfly in its rays, casting fractals of color across the wall and the worn wooden floors.

You studied his face for a moment then, a familiar kind of sadness reaching his eyes, the darkened circles underneath them a little more noticeable now.

You wondered when the last time he got any proper sleep was.

“I made it…” interrupting his thoughts gently you gestured towards the window when he looked at you in question, “La mariposa...took me ages to fit the glass and wire together right but I think it came out ok.”

He grunted in response, finally handing over the bag of soil when you noticed the slightest tremble in his hands.

Oh…so he’d been caught off guard too.

Something about your butterfly had shaken him up and you were curious, who could blame you for being tempted to cross what you were sure he would say was a line, but you pretended not to notice, trying to offer him some privacy, a second to collect himself.

You’d appreciate it if he did the same for you in his place after all.

The exchange was completed swiftly after, a palpable silence settling between you before he was leaving almost as quickly as he arrived, taking the fading summer sunset with him.

–

Joel barely slept that night, woken by nightmares again, a routine he was familiar with, haunted by the same old ghosts but it was different this time, the barbed wire around his heart digging in just a little extra, memories of her surfacing.

Sarah. His Sarah.

He didn’t realize just how long it had been since he was reminded of her this way, of what it felt like to be her father, shutting himself off to that years ago, unable to think about his life with her before because that pain was nearly unbearable.

There is only after, the after in which she doesn’t exist, where he searches for her in his sleep and wakes knowing he won’t find her.

Because he watched her slip away, had pleaded and begged to the skies to bring her back, had held her in his arms, hands stained red with her blood, and had to accept that she was gone and he was granted no time to say goodbye.

Days turned to weeks, months into years and he had learned to operate on a certain level of numbness, just focused on surviving, never getting too attached, acting cold and angry, just a dead man walking.

Until now, his chest nearly caving in with the truth that he was still breathing even after so long spent closed off.

He wasn’t even sure why he’d considered your friend’s offer to complete the exchange at all, he knew he shouldn’t have, the radio you traded wasn’t in as great a shape as he would have liked, he knew that upfront and still begrudgingly agreed, not expecting to feel so exposed, so upended by a simple encounter.

That butterfly shining in the sunlight of your kitchen made his heart stop the second he saw it, flashes of memory surfacing, almost like his little girl was pulled to the surface of his skin again, like if he stepped inside he could reach out and she’d be there.

A dreadful reality had washed that away after a moment, grief swallowing up the hope just as he knew it would, like it always had, but something was undeniably different this time for Joel. A difference that left an ache in his center.

Because for those few fleeting seconds, he had felt alive again.

–

The second time you met Joel was intentional, another bag of soil in exchange for some instant coffee this time.

It was still early morning when he knocked on your door, quiet, hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans and a sleepy kind of softness that you hadn’t seen before around the edges of his eyes which made you wish he didn’t look so inviting then.

It wasn’t so hard to look at him as unapproachable as he made himself seem, he was handsome, the streaks of gray peppered in his hair and along his beard lending to his rugged look.

“About the coffee, it’s not as strong as it could be but it’s the best I’ve got,” you handed over a jar, watching him open the lid and sniff its contents.

“That’ll do just fine.”

Relief arrived at his approval, you gathered it’d been a while since he had any and you were glad your stash wasn’t a disappointment.

You watched as he knelt down to set his backpack on the floor, stowing the jar inside and handing you the bag of fertilizer mix you had inquired about.

It wasn’t long now before he’d be out the door again, these things were best kept short and simple but as you thanked him for the exchange and moved to store the bag with your other garden supplies, you noticed a moment of reluctance.

Joel didn’t plan on lingering around now that you both had what you came for but then he was reminded of what he felt the last time he’d been in your space and his mouth was moving with the thoughts that were swimming in his head before he could bite back the words.

“That’s a good amount of soil you have, got some sorta secret garden FEDRA don’t know about?”

Suddenly you felt very silly for wanting to smile at his curiosity but also recognized the significance of him asking.

“Something like that, yeah. I…actually found a spot of flowers growing through one of the QZ fences and I’ve been tending to it. It's no garden but the flowers are in bloom now, first time I’ve seen real butterflies in years.”

You watched him perk up at the mention of real butterflies, furrowed brows hiding the flicker of emotion mere seconds later but it was too late, you’d seen it already.

Up until now, your little patch of greenery had been a private endeavor.

Something for you to put some love and effort in, and just a quiet, secluded place to be, to clear your head or be alone for a while, away from some of the chaos in the streets, and yet here you were, now, carefully asking him if he’d like to see it too.

You thought just maybe, bringing him there would do him as much good as it had done you.

And it’s there, in that moment when he says yes that you see all that hard exterior start to slip just an inch.

It’s an inch you can work with.

–

Early morning dew still clings to the soft blades of grass sprouting up near the fence line, the section where you’d been taking care of the vegetation noticeably more vibrant with color and growth.

Slowly, you’d been replacing the dirt, had saved as many roots and sprouts as possible, taking care in replanting them, and from there, a shabby little makeshift garden bed had formed.

This would be your third week caring for it and now Joel was trailing behind your steps to see it too.

His body language was tense like he couldn’t quite be sure you weren’t actually taking him to some secluded corner to ambush him, but you get it.

Being wary was smart, but you couldn’t lie that it was satisfying to let him take it in without explaining anything first, the tension in his shoulders easing, sagging when his eyes fell upon the dusky blue flowers and rich green leaves and vines growing up from the ground, searching for the sun’s nourishment.

Joel couldn’t be certain whether it was the day’s first tendrils of summer heat making him feel warm or the fluttering orange and speckled black wings of a butterfly nestled atop a marigold.

He glances at his wrist, at the memento that never leaves his side, a broken watch, and there’s a moment of clarity in the silence where Joel can feel it, all the shattered parts of him spilling out, and there isn’t any way he can catch it all, he’s already too late and he knows it.

Panic works its way into his bloodstream, causing his hands to shake, not used to being so disarmed, so flayed open.

His fingers curl into a fist, trying to steady himself, needing a moment to catch his breath, to process.

And there you were, your gentle voice cutting through the noise in his head and that tidal wave of emotion.

“They’re monarch butterflies, which means they’re special,” you’ve moved a little closer now, watching another one land next to its friend on the flower.

“What makes' em’ so special?” Joel takes a deep breath and you do too.

You thought for a second he might shut down and walk away, there wasn’t anything keeping him here after all, he had the coffee he came for and yet still took you up on your offer. That in itself was difficult not to attach yourself to immediately but there was no denying it felt good to know you’d earned maybe an ounce of his trust.

“In Mexico, my abuela used to say they were a sign of the dead coming to visit the living, loved ones, our ancestors, the monarchs carry their souls to us. I think they’re good luck too.”

The smile working its way onto your lips is fond, sad, one you knew he’d recognize, the silent but shared knowledge of loss was a heavy burden to carry. There was no mistake about it, but being here, amongst your flowers and your butterflies made it easier.

Orange and gold halos shimmered around the plant life softly swaying with the wind, your own features now warmed with the climbing sun, brown skin shining deeper under the light.

Joel was looking at you now, following your words. The meaning of what you were both looking upon hitting him square in the chest when that feeling blooms behind his eyes again, that itch of something alive, something beautiful growing again amongst concrete ruins.

And it's there, standing next to you, watching you water the soil while butterflies float around you that he works out what that feeling must be.

Salvation.

–

After that morning, trading goods with Joel became a regular occurrence.

Soil for another stash of coffee or a packet of seeds for a hunting knife in need of experienced hands, neither of you quite sure how it happened but eventually the trades became more like friendly favors to each other than practical transactions.

Your ‘garden’ also became a frequent place for you both to go, so much so that on any given day you could bet he was there, a quick stop on his way back home, or in the morning before the day started, it became an unspoken shared refuge.

Joel helped you fix up the makeshift garden beds when it became clear your tender care of the plants called for an upgrade and you were grateful for it, dismissive at first, not wanting him to feel obligated.

You could handle yourself around a hammer and a few nails but he insisted and you relented, the two of you knelt under the setting sun, working on the task together.

It didn’t matter that it was closing in on curfew time, or that you didn’t really have anything to compensate him for his time because, the moment itself, the small inklings of trust building between you were actually far better.

That’s when you started to see him nearly every day, sitting against bomb-scarred concrete, always facing those marigolds, the ones the monarch butterflies you’d told him about always flocked to.

At first you kept your distance, knowing better than to pry.

It was clear he’d been through a lot, most his age-if you were guessing correctly-had, old enough to have lived a good portion of their lives before the outbreak, the last witnesses of an old world. You wanted to respect that and as long as he was finding some sort of peace here, you were content.

You didn’t mind his company either, he wasn’t much of a talker, but his presence was comforting and familiar and you felt safe with him near.

Eventually though, keeping him at a distance became impossible, both of you stumbling through the uncertainty of what to say to each other yet not giving up on trying at the same time.

And Joel had resisted too, had tried to keep his words short, always residing somewhere in between neutral and aloof but the more he watched you in your element, amongst the seedling sprouts and vines and moss, the more it made him want to talk.

It was easy to find his voice around you.

You were soft-hearted, he could see that and it wasn’t easy to get used to the way you looked at him, like you cared, like you understood something about his brokenness right away, had let him sit here day after day watching the butterflies because somehow you knew it’s what he needed, but he didn’t mind the learning curve either.

His usual annoyance and reluctance to speak about feelings couldn’t keep up this time surrounded by reminders of Sarah, coaxing the small part of him that hadn’t died with her out of its state of numbness, softening him again.

‘You were never gonna do it for yourself’ rings in his ears.

He’d never been much good at that, doing things for himself, and Sarah was always so clever about calling it out, even now, nudging him awake again after all these years.

It’s why he decides to tell you when you ask one day, sitting next to him on sun-warmed stone.

He merely came by to sit for a little while and clear his head and found you already sat in his usual spot, butterfly watching, your eyes telling your secret, that you had been crying before he arrived, his first instinct carrying him forward, to your side.

He offered you some water, even sliced an apple in half to share with you, pleased with himself when he got a smile out of the gesture but remained as quiet as you were, wanting you to feel like you could just be.

“Who do they remind you of?” your voice was small, unsure of how he’d react to the question, overexplaining in hopes it would make him recoil less, “It’s okay if you can’t talk about it, I understand. It’s just that…what I told you about the monarch butterflies, I really do believe in it you know, the people I’ve lost…they feel so close to the surface, like they’re watching over me and I think you feel the same.”

Joel nods after a moment and you’re exhaling a breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

It takes him a moment but he finds the words.

“My daughter…her name was Sarah. They were her favorite, actually, since she was bout old enough to talk. I used to call her my little butterfly when she was a baby which, yeah, got real old when she started middle school but I liked to remind her anyways, just to see her roll her eyes at me. Just as long as she knew I loved her, you know, that I never stopped, not since the moment I held her in my hands for the first time.”

It broke your heart to hear.

And it hurt him too, to speak about her and then remember that he had lost her, that twenty years had passed and he couldn’t remember what she smelled like anymore, and he hated the nightmares but without them, he was afraid of forgetting her face, her eyes, the coils of her hair, the sound of her voice calling out to him.

It was only now that he was seeing how deep he’d pushed it all down, bottled up tight out of fear, and then somehow you’d entered his life, Molotov aimed straight at his heart, stunning him into remembering her the way she deserved to be.

“I’m so sorry,” you extend all the comfort you can, knowing there weren’t any words that would ever make it right but you wanted to try anyway.

“Yeah, me too. But you’re right, she feels close, and I know you’ve put it together by now but it’s why I’ve been sittin here every day, I see those butterflies and I see her, I remember her and it feels...good. I didn’t want it to; don’t really trust things that feel good but it does and I wanna thank you for that, for letting me have that.”

He worries he’s said too much, or said the wrong thing, wanting to kick himself because he was never much good at words either but the sight of your lips pulling up into a small smile came as a relief.

“She’s with you, Joel. And there’s no need to thank me, it’s been good for me too, doing all this. I think it helps.”

He nods again, agreeing before asking you the same question, extending an opportunity to open up too; a big step when keeping personal histories to a minimum was the lay of the land around here.

And it wasn’t easy, to talk about the things that hurt, baring your grief to Joel, and trusting him with it but you did and he had held it so gently, understanding it for what it was.

Looking back you think maybe it’s there that things started to change, where your life and his started to merge.

Sometime after that conversation you gifted him one of those glass winged butterflies like the one in your window, showing it to him one evening in the garden, earning you the first real smile you’d ever seen from him.

It was after he told you more about himself, about Sarah, his brother Tommy, recounting happy memories; like the time he and Tommy surprised Sarah with her own soccer ball for her birthday one year, how he’d caved almost immediately the time she begged him to get her a polaroid camera, and you shared too, thinking on good times you’d had with the people in your life.

It meant a lot to Joel that you spent time crafting the ornament, knowing just how deep the symbolism of it went for him.

You were always doing that, looking out for him, planting tiny seed after tiny seed, slowly working your magic on him, ensnaring him deep, making him want to look out for you too.

Under the fading sun again you sat with him, watching the marigolds, the calm, slow fluttering of wings, and it’s in that same spot that you find your hand in his for the first time.

No words needed to be said, this was far better.

A little while later you saw your gift hanging from the window in his living room, right next to the radio you had first traded him for.

The two of you had found yourselves escaping the heat here after some time tending the garden together, pulling weeds, clearing new soil of rocks and rubble, now sharing his couch, a rusty old fan that still somehow worked cooling the sweat prickling the back of your neck.

Curfew hour was nearing and you knew you would have to start making your way back home but Joel warned that he’d heard from a FEDRA officer he did trades with that they were patrolling the streets early the next few nights.

You knew why, it was hard to forget the hail of gunfire last night, a group of Fireflies going after a group of officers on patrol, a fight that neither one had won.

Tensions in the QZ had been high all day since then and Joel suggested that you stay here with him for the night, saying he didn’t want you dealing with anything that might be going on out there.

He was being protective, a disapproving frown on that handsome face of his when you told him you didn’t want to intrude on his space but he was right, things had already started looking a little dangerous on your way back from the garden and you appreciated that he was trying to keep you safe.

So you stayed.

Curled up on Joel’s old, worn couch with a blanket that smelled like him tucked around you, the white noise of the fan still blowing and the knowledge that he wasn’t far, just in the next room over, carried you off to sleep.

–

One night had turned into two and then three and somewhere in the last couple months of summer that were left, you spent most of your days and nights with Joel.

No label had been applied to whatever your situation was with him, you knew better than to ask, this all needed time, and you were okay with that, just content on holding onto this good thing with him.

Because you liked being around, like sharing a space with him and sitting in the garden together, opening up to each other more and more every day.

It was nice watching Joel come out of that hardened shell of his, watching him find it easier to talk about things, noticing him trying to live life more, not as reluctant to connect.

Things were good, not to say that there hadn’t been bad days amongst all the progress made, there were plenty of them in fact.

Days where old patterns became default again, stretches of nights where the nightmares returned, both of you trying to wade through it.

When the aching of old wounds came knocking and the walls came back up again.

You hated to fight with Joel when that happened, and you hated not being on the same page but he was so stubborn it wasn’t always easy to bite back your frustration.

He had told you about his past, about the people he hurt in those early days and it’s something he wrestled with, believing in the goodness you saw inside him when all he could see were the bad things.

It frustrated you sometimes, how he preferred to shut himself off, to you, to Sarah’s memory because he felt like his hands were too dirty, too blood-stained to even try.

“Que, no entendes?! Please, Joel! Stop trying to be something you aren’t. You think you aren’t a good man but bad people don’t get upset about being bad. Do you think you can just turn it off, the part of you that was always a good man, a good father? Well sorry, but you can’t, that’s who you are to your core, I saw it the first moment I met you and every time since then.”

“I’ve killed people,” his tone was mean, and venomous, another attempt at pushing you away. “Goddamnit, it’s not as simple as-”

“I get that! Look I know that you’ve done bad things but you’ve also spent every waking moment punishing yourself for it, do you realize that? All these years you’ve been paying your penance any way you can and I’m trying to tell you it’s okay live well, that you don’t have to torture yourself anymore because we have to try and make something out of all this pain.”

It wasn’t easy to get him to see what you saw but you didn’t back down, even when it would have been easy to, Joel knew it too, guilt washing over him as you looked at him then, tears brimming in your eyes.

“You’ve endured enough.”

It’s those final three words from you that makes him ease up, a reminder you nudged him with often, that he could rest already, could make amends by making a choice to find the light.

He lets you take some space from him, coming to find you before bed because he doesn’t want to fall asleep without fixing things.

“I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair, talkin to you like that. You’re just tryna help my sorry ass and I haven’t thanked you enough. I’m gonna get better at that.”

It’s the first time you ever hug him, noticing the tremble in his hands as he says the words, feeling the sincerity in his voice, unable to stop yourself from all but barreling into his arms.

He’s still for only a moment before his arms wrap around you in return, the two of you bathed in moonlight, that butterfly still hanging in his window, pushing you towards each other again just like it had when you first met.

–

Eventually, the day comes when the monarchs leave, the approaching fall and winter seasons carrying them to warmer places, a solemn change in what had been yours and Joel’s routine.

The absence of the butterflies that had provided so much hope the last few months was felt, but the world was also a lot more open and wide now too.

You no longer slept on Joel’s couch, you slept pressed against him now, and woke with your limbs tangled with his, a quiet partnership forming.

It scares both of you, knowing that you had grown to care for each other so quickly, knowing that was dangerous and reckless but also feeling stronger because you were a team.

You think that’s why you make the decision together, one rainy fall evening when Joel comes home with a message from Tommy.

They had gone through a rough patch recently, being apart from each other for some time and still not seeing eye to eye on Tommy’s choices but slowly, they’d started talking again and there was news that Tommy and the group he was with had gotten a hydroelectric plant that had once belonged to FEDRA up and running.

There was electricity and a place to stay if you and Joel were interested, plus Tommy wanted you to meet Maria, said she did him a whole world of good and this was some of that good in action.

It hadn’t been a hard choice to make even knowing how difficult the journey would be.

This was the chance you’d both been waiting for, and had talked about, a far off dream of running away from all the violence that was inescapable here in Boston, searching for something better out there, and now it was within reach.

So you’d left your garden in the care of a friend you knew would understand its importance, and you bide your time with Joel, making deals, doing jobs, collecting and saving up supplies, and helping him map the way to Jackson.

And then the day came when you left the QZ behind for good, watching the city fade away in the rearview mirror.

Making it to Tommy hadn’t been easy, there had been one too many close calls for comfort but the trust you and Joel had in each other didn’t waver, and here you were, finally on the other side.

Settling in hadn’t been the easiest, especially for Joel, his guard still up but little by little, you both sank into a new way of life.

You quickly learned how to ride a horse and hunt in the woods surrounding the power plant, even making friends with some of the families in the community.

Joel had taken to things a little slower, but even he couldn’t hide for long, helping some of the men in the group with repairs on things that needed fixing, even cautiously attempting to make friends with you.

Small pockets of peace started to open up the longer you stayed and the threat of raiders loomed over that peace at times, keeping everyone on alert for attacks but you all had Joel and Tommy now, always amongst the first to be out there protecting, defending fiercely.

You knew they wouldn’t let anything happen to you here.

As spring arrived again you found a nice spot for a garden, pointing out sprouting flower buds to Joel one day, almost missing the fond smile forming on his lips, both of you knowing what this meant.

You were happy here, and happy being with Joel, the two of you building a new garden together this time, until finally, as the chill spring breeze transitioned into summer heat and sunshine you were sat next to him like you had been what seemed like ages ago, watching the butterflies circle the flowers in bloom in what had become Sarah’s Garden.

Joel made you a promise; to keep going for family, the family you, him, and Tommy were now. And you promised the same, not scared of how much you cared for the man by your side anymore.

It wasn’t perfect, the world was still rotten and the broken parts of you all were still raw, still healing, but this time her light was guiding the way through it and that made it all worth it.

---

A/N: When I saw that butterfly hanging in the window of his place in Boston I just couldn’t resist writing something about how he got it and here we are! This world is so dark and tragic and while this fic doesn’t change those facts, I hope it plants some gentle, hopeful little seeds of healing, because Joel deserves that and so do you as the reader! thank you for reading this, I’d love to hear your thoughts on it! 💌

some tags no pressure! @inklore @allaboardthereadingrailroad @yelenas-lova @ozarkthedog @amethystwonders11 @blkmorticia @moreofem @eupheme @obiknights @tarrenterror25 @superhoeva @buckyhoney @plumbits

#amalia writes #joel miller x reader #joel miller x black!reader #joel miller x woc #joel miller x black reader #joel miller x latina reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x black latina reader #joel miller imagine #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller angst #joel miller fluff #joel miller fanfiction

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intimidating-fettuccine · 2 months

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Tim and Toby swap bodies because of some entity :)?(love that father and son troup!

I feel like... This was probably waaaaay angstier than you thought it would be.. My bad. This also got super long.

***I made the decision for Toby's tics and CIPA to also remain in his original body because it's just their consciousness that has switched, and not their actual brains and nervous systems.

It's an absolute fucking mess, that's what it is. The two of them didn't even think it was possible, really, for people to just completely switch bodies, let alone for it to happen to them because their current target for their mission was able to cast a spell that would cause it. They thought they were home free, they'd gotten in the kill, but at the last possible moment their target had cast a spell that sent the two of them flying backward, crashing into the ground as their eyes slid closed in the shock of the moment. They were alive, so they thought they were fine, but when their eyes finally reopened, that's when the situation really began to dawn on them.

It hit Toby first, after all, Toby... Has never felt pain before. It stings, and it burns, and it causes him to choke on his breath, the pain surging through him. It takes Tim a moment to notice, because after all, Tim can feel pain, and yet he doesn't feel anything. Peeling open his eyes, devoid of any pain, Tim's vision lands on his own body, curled up and twitching, his eyes wide open, his hands covering his face as a pained expression coats it. Tim thinks, at first, that he's having an out-of-body experience like dissociation, until he realizes he is having a literal out-of-body experience. Once Toby's familiar stress tics start occurring, Tim realizes the truth; they swapped bodies. His mind had gone blank from that moment on, and the next time his eyes focused they were in the mansion infirmary. Slender had realized what had happened, with "Tim's" abnormal reactions to pain, and the difference in their thought patterns, Slender had realized they had been switched around. Of course, unfortunately, the only thing they could do now was wait it out until they'd wake up in their correct bodies.

Toby has it the hardest, to be quite honest, in a complete and literal sense. Inside of Tim's body, he has to learn the true weight of being careful because he keeps injuring himself, but now he can feel it. He can feel the sting, the burn, and the tear of all the injuries he'd previously never felt before, and it's like absolute torture for him. Toby is also suffering due to the fact that when Tim switched into Toby's body, Masky switched with him. Masky, who hates Toby, and who likes watching him suffer. Masky has been finding great joy in causing injury to Toby's original body, considering Masky himself can't feel it, and Toby is the one who will have to deal with the consequences of healing them. Of course, Tim and Slender finally got a hold of Masky, so that has slowed down, but Tim himself is having a struggle with Toby's body. He's treading so, so carefully in everything he does, paranoid he'll harm Toby's body without realizing it, and he's got to learn to cope with all of Toby's CIPA, and all of Toby's tics.

Of course, they've been trying to make it through. Tim has been helping Toby navigate life in a careful way that decreases the odds of constantly hurting himself in anxiety, and Toby has been helping Tim to navigate the tics that his body regularly experiences, and helping him learn how to calm down so that stress won't aggravate them and make them worse. It's been a few days already and the two of them have been going through the wringer constantly in their stress, but they've been going through it together. Slender said it could be a couple of weeks, so the two of them have been spending a lot more time together to keep their eyes on their original bodies and navigate through them together. It's been helping them grow closer, but it's been in ways that both of them would have preferred they didn't have to experience together.

Sure, Toby is learning to be more careful and take pain more seriously, but it's because he finally understands what pain feels like, and it's not a good feeling to experience for him to be going through after living his whole life without it. Tim, on the other hand, is now much more aware of how inhibiting Toby's tics are, but only because he now has to experience them constantly himself. Overall, the two of them have absolutely grown closer, they just wish it could have happened in literally any other way. Once they switch back, they're quite happy to have retention of their original forms and very excited to be back to normal, but... They are much softer and more understanding of each other too. The two of them also are much more careful moving forward to be aware of whether a target can or cannot do that to them again.

#creepypasta #creepypasta headcanons #creepypasta headcanon #slender mansion mayhem #ticci toby #ticci toby headcanon #ticci toby headcanons #tim wright #tim wright headcanons #tim wright headcanon #masky #masky headcanons #masky headcanon

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crushedsweets · 5 months

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nina and jeff headcanons ?? like what was there relationship like ?? love your work btw

i just lost my mind in chat about them. this is gonna be a LOT. nina probably has the most complicated story in my AU because her motives are all over the place and everything with jeff is terrible. ok letsgo

General rundown of their childhood/teens in my au: nina got sent to live w her grandparents when she was around 14 and got caught cutting the smile into her cheeks (very surface level scars that healed after a few weeks). she robbed her grandparents and ran away when she was 18 when she found out jeff&liu were in alabama. never killed anyone.

jeffs story is relatively close to canon, until he made a deal with slenderman to go more.. undercover with his murder.... and kill less. now he's chilling in alabama. robs his victims. THEIR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP..

now theyre in their early-mid 20s when they meet, this isnt the first time jeffs ran into a freaky fangirl. this is the first time he's given it a shot.

jeff uses nina. sure, he's physically attracted to her - she's pretty, takes good car of herself, etc - but he has no place in his heart to love her. he finds her annoying, too chatty, and he does think her infatuation is pathetic - he just knows it benefits him

for the first bit of their 'relationship', he was just testing the limits. coming over unannounced, telling her to make him some dinner, leaving laundry for her to do.

he'd let her kiss him, sit on his lap, hug him, so on and so forth - but he wasn't one to initiate & he wasn't crazy interested in entertaining her. eventually, she started meeting the other creeps, and by time she was intertwined in their life as well, he pushed even further.

he made nina suddenly show up at crime scenes, lie to cops on his behalf. toss some bloody clothes in her trunk and hope she doesn't get caught. make her handle burning up some official documents from his victims, even if it didn't help hide anything - he just wanted to see what she'd do.

one time they drove a victim's car into a lake together. she wasn't really sure what he was doing at the time, but he was speeding, and they were in a car heading straight for a lake, and she started to panic, and telling him to slow down , and he didn't. before she knew it they were both climbing out of a lake coughing up nasty ass lake water. she would've been crying cuz it'd have scared her so bad, but jeff would've been filled with so much adrenaline. he'd be grabbing her, spinning her and laughing, and for the first time he seemed genuinely fucking hyped to be with her - so she wiped off her tears and they went home and she made them dinner. like nothing happened.

but he's only willing to entertain her for so long. after 5 months, he gets really fucking snappy(he always was), and begins screaming at her for fucking everything. if she can't get a stain out of his hoodie, he's mad. if she doesn't have dinner ready by time he's hungry, he's mad. he'll stop coming home for weeks, ignore her texts. if she doesn't call back when he finally contacts her after a month, he's mad.

he eventually gets impossible to please. but she doesn't quit, and eventually, he decides to take shit a step further.

one night after a long shift, nina comes home. theres mud tracked through her house, and she knows it was jeff. aside from the mess, she's beyond excited - she stumbles through the house looking for him, and she finally swings open the bathroom door and is mortified.

in her bathtub, there is a body wrapped in trash bags and duct tape. it smells disgusting and there's a bag with tools sprawled on the floor. a saw, more heavy duty trash bags, bleach - and a note telling her to handle it.

nina wasn't built for this, she was the type of girl to cry if she stepped on a cats tail. she didn't even like getting into arguments.

but she can't call the cops, so she does what he asks. she dismembers the body, bleaches her bathroom, gets the remains in a suitcase, and drags it out to the forest. she spent the entire time sobbing, throwing up, fainting, having to cry in a different room because she couldn't sit with the corpse anymore. it took probably 10 hours for her to get it all out of the way. she runs into a proxy as she's doing it, and they help her out. they get rid of the body for her deep in the forest. she spends the night at the proxy's cabin, crying herself to sleep on the couch. the next morning nobody comes to comfort her. she realizes just how much she's fucked up

that wouldn't have been the last time jeff left a body for her to clean up

eventually toby and clocky start coming over to handle it from the get go. they care about her by now. toby beats jeffs ass after the fourth time

after that, jeff goes to confront nina. smth smth "why the fuck are you telling people" and she starts crying and yelling back for the first time, and he gets so fucking mad he stabs her in the stomach - a little above her hip, a couple inches from her belly button.

nina would go to liu. she had been stalking him for some time and leaving him emails, letters, fanmail. nina would be hysterical, crying and begging him to help her, but refusing to let him call 911 - she was scared of going to jail, of sending jeff to jail.

by this point, liu would've hired jane (an unethical private investigator) to investigate nina. so liu calls jane.

jane would know the creeps because slender sent sally to haunt(and then live with) jane, so she'd bring nina to jack. this would be lius first time interacting with the other creeps.

from here on out, nina would really start trying to get away from jeff . a long fucking fight for herself . luckily she already formed a decent friendship with clocky and toby by this point - and mayhaps a crush on kate .. but that last part is just for me.. :3... LOL

#nina the killer #creepypasta #jeff the killer #creeped #creepypasta hcs #creepypasta headcanons #nina hopkins

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callsigns-haze · 3 months

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Thank you for wasting my life

Pairing: Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Y/n 'Haze' Mitchell

Summary: He got over you, but your stuck with a part of him

Based of the song: Lavender Haze by Taylor Swift

Warnings: Angst, cheating, throwing up, pregnancy test, mention of abortion, cursing

Part 1 / Part 2/ Part 3/ Part 4/ Part 5/ Part 6/ Part 7/ Part 8

"Haze, get up!" Andrea barks at you, grabbing your hand in the process of trying to get you out of bed. You've been going through hell ever since you left but recently it's been getting worse. For the past few days you've been having a fever, throwing up, feeling sick and hit with migraines as if they were trucks.

Your head still hurts but you've been fine for the past three days and now it's your best friend's job to get you up. Andrea was your closest friend, being the only person who has been there for you for years. She was working in the controls tower at your new station and helped you pick an abortion clinic and went with you so that you wouldn't feel alone.

"My head hurts!" You moan as she pulls you more but instead you turn over in bed to the other side burying your head in a pillow as she gives up. "That's because you haven't left this cave in a week! Haze, this is my last warning to get up!" You see as a friend you fear and admire her at the same time, not quite sure if that's a good mixture.

You walk into the bathroom and close the door behind you. Penny said that once you get up she wanted to see you at the hard deck but you really didn't want to go, you avoid that place and area like hell.

You walk to the sink and turn on the cold water. You let it run a little before scooping an amount into your hands and throwing it into your face as a wake up mechanism. You knew you had to get back into shape. You couldn't stay a wreck like this forever.

As you brush your teeth you just stare off into the distance, your mind in a different place, a place unknown and undiscovered. You spit out the minty taste and start brushing your hair.

Your hair was a goddamn mess. Knots everywhere, your hair was filthy and disgusting. You would never manage to get the mess out. Your brush physically got stuck so there's only one answer, shower.

"Truly I think that if they want to deploy us then at least let you get back into shape." There has been a suggestion of deployment and you still had three weeks to agree but truly you don't know what to decide yet. This was a big deal and you were the only one who could make the decision.

"I guess." You weren't keen on talking, for god sake you weren't fucking keen on existing. You felt like shit and acted like shit and here society told you to progress. You couldn't, nothing could heal your broken heart, that you caused yourself.

The two of you fell into silence, overall that was the better thing to do. She continued driving for a bit but a wave of nausea hit you outta thin air. You felt like getting sick at every turn and every speed up barely able to keep it in anymore. "Andrea, slow down." That's all you manage to groan out before she notices how pale you are and instantly pulls over.

"Here, here, I have water!" She hand you a cold opened bottle and you take it as a blessing. You never needed water so desperately, each sip hydrated your chalky throat and made it easier to comprehend.

"Haze you ok?" She was worried, you just turned a full pale at face and weak in luck but slowly began to gain colour. "Yeah, let's keep going." And before you knew it, she was parking at the far end beside the hard deck.

"Andrea, I can't go in there," you let out shaking your head like a little kid in fear. Andrea looked around and saw why you refused to enter, all the daggers cars where here meaning Jake was inside.

"Ok, at least step out of the car, get some fresh air and I'll go to Penny." And that's what was decided. You slowly walk around the parking lot, fresh air making you feel way better then before. You look through some bar windows, the most you noticed in one was Bob's yellow jersey and some of the rest. Maybe a bit more of a sneak peak wouldn't hurt anyone, right?

You make your way to the next window to see the sight that completely breaks your heart. Jake was beside the railing, another woman wrapping around him like some snake, whispering in his ear.

She wrapped one of her legs around his waist, tugging on his jeans. He doesn't even pull her off and that doesn't stand out to you.

He kisses her delicately as she begins to move her lips across his cheek and slowly lowers her lips to attack his neck.Her hands upon his body and she kissed his neck. You couldn't keep looking you had to walk back to the car, but as you walked away tears spilled but somehow your sneak peak managed to get you caught.

"Y/N!" Your name left Jake's lips desperately, he needed to talk to you, he was dying to do so but you just kept walking and didn't dare to turn around. "Haze, wait!" He runned after you as you picked up your pace. "Leave me alone!" You choke out but don't dare to turn, you know if you look at him you'll break apart once again.

"Y-" "What?" You shout at him turning to face him as tears violently spill, as if they could drown people with their strength. "Im-" You couldn't believe he was starting to get more frustrated. How dare he think he'll just start an apology.

"Sorry about what, huh, the chick you were basically fucking against the railing or being a jerk!" You scream that at him, gaining attention from other people who are getting in and out of their cars.

You had a point, what was he truly sorry for, being an ass or for being a jerk.

"Haze, please." He was desperate, desperate to talk to youz explain himself or at least accept faith. For what you just saw, you'll never forgive him and he'll have to deal with it.

"Was I really nothing to you? Was I just a quick fuck. It seems like it because you seem to be way over me now!" Each word left your mouth as your voice trembled and you couldn't contain your anger.

He treated you like you used to treat him but then the two of you were nothing but now you were willing to spend the rest of your life with him but from what you've seen you've began to doubt yourself.

"Baby please-"

"You don't have a fucking right to call me that Seresin! Don't call me that!" You were so mad at him that you felt like a three year old throwing a tantrum. He was about to say something else but your saviour had arrived.

"Leave her alone, Hangman. I think you've caused enough shit today." Andrea appears from behind him and shoved past him. She was pissed at him, she saw the exact same thing yet she'll always be on your side.

She grabbed your arm and dragged you to the car. She wrapped her arm around your waist and placed the other upon your shoulder as you sobbed and she whispered, "Shhhh, it's ok."

"I know you don't want t-" Andrea has been talking you into this since the incident at the hard deck two nights back and you've been living in denial. You didn't want to go through this again, same background same story just seven years later.

"Andrea, no, I'm not taking it!" You've been pacing around the room ever since she has brought it up but you really wanted it to be a lie. This all to be a big fat lie.

"Take the test Haze! It's not a fever anymore, you didn't eat anything bad either so it could be morning sickness."

You never thought you'd be in this situation again. Your whole life is basically repeating it cycle. You get sick before leaving, find out your pregnant, leave and boom you cause hell in your life. You stare at the box of test in her hand and your debating smacking it away.

She had a point though, it's better to know now then find out nine months later but that's what brought you into this situation in the first place, a pregnancy test. "I know your scared, Haze but you have to take it."

Your period was also late and according to normal signs you should be experiencing morning sickness if you were pregnant but there could be a chance against that but you truly doubt it yourself.

"Get me bottles of water."

You've been chugging around two litres of water for the last twenty minutes causing your bladder to squeeze as a bell. You take the tests that you've placed on the counter and read the instructions. They were straight forward, all you had to do is pee on the stick and wait three minutes, you could do that.

You got yourself a plastic cup to pee onto so you could put in the tests and you begin to do your business. You were setting up the timer on your phone as you let the tests slightly marinate, you take the tests out and begin the timer. You sit yourself back down on the edge of the toilet.

Same story, the next three minutes could be th reason your whole life changes.

Truly you weren't that mad at Jake for that chick at the bar. You did leave him after all but it's just the thought that he got back up and moved on so easily was the thing that haunted you.

Even if you were pregnant this time you didn't want to abortion it, you only did it back then because you were too young to have a child but now you kind of want to be a mother but you still think about it in fear.

Your thoughts were broken with your phone vibrating on the marble counter as you pick up the tests. Your legs feel weak, loosing ability to stand up straight, you lean against the wall and sink to the ground. Shit.

Current taglist:

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poppadom0912 · 6 months

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Together (Epilogue)

Warnings: Mentions of hospitals, injuries, kidnappings and death

Summary: Life moves on whether or not you want it to.

A/N: This is it my lovelies! It's lowkey been two months since I first released my baby into the world and you've received her with nothing but love. Thank you so much for all the support you've shown, it truly makes me want to write more and better.

I hope you enjoy the final part of this series. This has been so much fun and quite a wild ride. Lots of emotions, I won't lie, some parts really got deep but when you read this, it'll all be worth it. 🤍🙃

Did I lie about the fluff? ... I'm so sorry, I just couldn't resist😭

Previous Chapter / Series Masterlist

Black was not your favourite colour.

Some said it nicely complimented your red hair and you kind've looked badass but you couldn't see it. Besides the fact that it was slimming when you wore it, you tried to avoid the colour as much as possible. You much preferred the dark navy and greys instead.

That's why you hated wearing your dress uniform, even if it was for a joyous occasion.

Fixing the black suit, you sighed. According to your lawyer, showing up in uniform created more empathy and so not only were you wearing your uniform, but Jay too.

And Will… Well that was another conversation.

It had been two months since the kidnapping and things were, things were definitely different.

Due to circumstances, the trial had been pushed back a little. Well, their sentencing had, the trial went off without a hitch and all of Intelligence could attest to that but today was the day everyone found how for how long exactly they were going to be jailed.

Everyone had been bitter and rightly so.

Stepping back from the car door, you finished fixing your hair in the car window, happy that no baby hairs were sticking out and the gel was doing its job. You were asked for professional and so a bun seemed fitting.

Going around the car, Kelly joined you by your side but dressed casually. He wasn’t directly involved and your lawyer didn’t make a specific request. According to her, things could go sideways and things needed to look good on your side.

You envied the lack of black your boyfriend was wearing. And what annoyed you even more was the Jay’s uniform was more of a dark blue.

Jay fully healed over the past two months, no injuries for the naked eye to see but the scar was still there on his thigh, the trauma burned into his mind forever after. Similar could be said for you but while Jay was back on duty, you were still taking it slow and doing admin work at the firehouse after being a bored mess at home alone.

Therapy wasn’t much help. Your psychologist wasn’t the problem, in fact she was a darling, but not all things could be fixed. You eventually came to terms with the fact that this would never leave you. As a team, you’d have to turn a new page and keep on going, with the hopes that it became a distant memory no one had to recollect.

“Y/N.”

You could never get tired of hearing his voice, the tranquillity it brought you needed to be studied. His loving face sent you a soft smile, his eyes scrunching up in attempt to keep you calm and collected.

“Jay messaged me, they’re waiting inside.”

With a sigh, you interlocked hands and let Kelly lead the way inside the courthouse. Anxiety weighed down on you heavily, making it feel like you were walking through a sentient sludge that kept trying to pull you down.

A smile graced your lips but at the sight of your older brother in his dress blues, his entire crew by his side, your smile faltered. As soon as it began wobbling, your eyes burned as everything started to go blurry.

Your chest hurt too much, it suddenly felt like you were having a heart attack in the middle of the courthouse.

“Oh Y/N.” Jay sighed, enveloping you in his arms not a moment later. “Please don’t cry.”

“I’m sorry.” You croaked out, huffing into the crook of his neck, being mindful not to mess up his uniform. “Gosh, I don’t even know why I’m crying.”

“Stop that, don’t apologise.” Jay chided, tutting alike to how Will would whenever you two got into trouble. Whenever Will did that, you knew his annoyance wouldn’t last long, he loved you and Jay too much to hold a grudge.

Shit, now your tears were rolling down your flushed cheeks and making small marks on Jay’s shoulder.

“Do you think he’s okay?”

Jay didn’t say anything for a long time. You were almost scared he wouldn’t answer you like last time. The more time past, the more you knew he wasn’t going to say anything and the same exact scene from two months ago flashed before your eyes, almost sending you into a fit of gut-wrenching tears. But Jay proved you wrong.

“I don’t know what to think anymore Y/N.”

*****

Maggie sighed, shoulders deflating as she sat on the hospital bed. It had been a long day.

Whenever she wanted a break from the ED, she usually found one of the rooms in the ICU where the patient was usually either unconscious or in a coma. The peace and quiet provided her the time and space to get back into tune with her thoughts before going back to being the charge nurse of the bustling emergency department.

Looking at this patient, she didn’t need to look at the chart to know what happened, she’d been in this particular room every single day since their arrival. This patient had a certain pull that made her want to know everything about their condition.

“Thought I’d find you here.” Sharon said, her voice calming as she entered the room, closing the door behind her. “Everyone was waiting downstairs, you missed it.”

“I know.” Maggie replied solemnly, her hands readjusting the blanket around the coma patient. “But they did it, right?”

“They did it.” Sharon confirmed as she moved to stand on the other side of the bed. It was great news, news that should’ve resulted in tears of joy but the charge nurse barely moved an inch.

“Life without parole.” There was a pause, beeping and the whooshing of machines filling the silence. “They weren’t going to settle for anything less.”

“Good.” Maggie replied, her lips pulled tightly together.

Neither of them said anything afterwards. There was still so much that needed to be discussed but the right people weren’t in the room currently. The one big question loomed heavily over them like a stormy cloud just waiting for the right moment to start raining.

“Take a break Maggie. Eat a little something before you join the rest of them.”

Without waiting for a reply, Sharon turned and left the room, mumbling she had a meeting in a few minutes when in reality, she hated being in this room as much as the next person.

Maggie stewed in her thoughts, too many flying all around the place for her to properly take a break.

“Still no change?”

Maggie’s silence was more than enough of an answer. She truly hated her job sometimes, especially when she had to break the news to waiting family members.

“No movement since you left last night.”

Jay’s eyes still filled with tears every time he was given news.

“Are we- Do you think we’re doing the right thing Maggie?” Jay tumbled over his words from where he stood in the doorway, too scared to enter the room. The sadness laced in his words made him sound so innocent and childlike, Maggie just wanted to hide and protect all three Halstead’s from the horrors of the world.

But looking at the coma patient on the bed, Maggie knew her words were biased.

*****

One week later

You were going crazy. You didn’t know how much longer you could handle this. You hated playing the waiting game.

It was in the middle of shift when you got the call. You were finally back to full time firefighting, Crocket deeming you fit and healthy two days ago to work again. The happiness that followed his news only lasted so long.

Your emotions were haywire. When you entered the ED for what felt like the billionth time, you felt your heart physically stop at the sight of a red eyed Maggie. From beside you, Jay was scarily silent, not breathing for a good minute.

But then she smiled, dimples and all.

Connor was supposed to tell you but he was rushed into an emergency surgery and entrusted the charge nurse to tell the two most important people in Will’s life the news.

“Will’s going to make a full recovery. There’s going to be quite a bit of rehab and physical therapy but he’s going to be just fine.”

And for the first time since their initial reunion in the warehouse just over two months ago, all three Halstead siblings would be together again.

It was going to be a long and difficult path to recovery. You and Jay had your own struggles and having Will in a coma only made it harder. But now, Will had the love and support of his baby brother and baby sister, the two people he did all of this for.

And yes, maybe Jay would reem his for being a stupid bastard, protecting them from literal criminals with his life. Obviously, you would chime in when necessary but the big goofy smile on your face did nothing.

All was well now. The future was looking bright for the most of it, guaranteed it be a bit rocky in the next coming weeks that would consist of a gruelling recovery process but at the end of the tunnel, you were all coming out stronger than ever.

Series Masterlist:

@mads-weasley @sowrongitslottie @elite4cekalyma @senjoritanana @hufflepuff-blackwidow @mrspeacem1nusone @kmc1989 @goth-cowgirl-03 @daggersquadphantom @photographerkaiya0306 @jamie0515 @samanthavitale @iamasimpingh0e @lanea-1 @swidkid @jamie0515

#one chicago x reader #one chicago imagine #jay halstead x reader #onechicago #chicago fire #chicago med #chicago pd #will halstead x reader #halstead sister #halstead brothers #kelly severide x reader #jay halstead x sister!reader #will halstead x sister!reader

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reinersprozacbottle · 1 year

Text

Porco Galliard Fluff alphabet ･ﾟ･(｡>ω<｡)･ﾟ･

This is my first official headcanon so I take recommendations/feedback by ask or dms if you’re nice lol. Keep in mind these are canon!verse headcanons. I feel like we don’t have enough of those. We love Porco over here so this was fun to make.

No warnings very sfw

Enjoy!🤍

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

So i def see Porco as a super romantic guy when he’s head over heals for his s/o. Not that he’s doesn’t put efforts on dates otherwise but if he IS he’ll organize walks around his city, picnics, restaurant dates, he’ll buy them flowers pretty much every time they hangout as if he’s on a first date trying to impress them

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He thinks that the way his s/o looks at him longingly is the most beautiful sight ever.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Realistically, during a panic attack, he wouldn’t know what to do or say in the beginning of the relationship. He would be so awkward and just hold them the entire time but as he gets to know them better and their relationship gets stronger, he starts to help them slow their breathing, help them focus on the present moment and give them reassuring words like : “There you go, baby.” “I’m so proud of you. You’re doing great.”

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Ok so obviously canon!verse Porco sadly only sees the relationship as short term since he knows he won’t live for long. Part of him wishes there could be a cure or something just so he could live a long life with them but, hey…

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

I picture Porco as rather passive because despite his tough/cocky exterior, when it comes to his lover he very much turns into a puddle. You’ll hear “yes ma’am 🙄” a lot if they’re a girl lol.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Yes!! Because of what I said above. They would have to say something very insulting for him to have difficulty forgiving them. A scenario I imagine would tip him over is if his lover is not Eldian and shares how they are tired that the people of Paradis get treated as a punching bag and abruptly cuts him off when he tries to retort by asking him how he can speak about his own people that way. They call him a “self-hating Eldian” and he very much takes it the wrong way. It would take him a couple days before he forgives them but at least it would make him think. (Should I turn this into a fic?????)

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He is very grateful but honestly just for their existence??? For being his partner?? Having someone love him in that way and getting to have a passionate romantic relationship even tough he’s a warrior makes him feel really privileged. He legit worships his beloved because of that.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Not necessarily secrets but he has a hard time expressing/sharing his emotions and fears.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

They made him better </3 He is clearly happier, let’s people into his life more, they’ve made him think about how he was groomed from a young age to pay for the sins of his ancestors and how messed up that is. But mostly, they made him feel like a human being.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

YEEEESS is that not obvious I mean look at him

It’s def so much fun to watch him try to hide it tho

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Yes, he’s a great kisser. The first kiss was very tender and sweet. He really couldn’t believe his life at that moment (lol) and wanted to savour every moment.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

“It’s hard for me to describe how I feel and I have no real future ahead of me, but you’re everything to me”.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Yes!!!!!! He dreams of it. The wedding would be small with just his warrior friends and his closest family members but all he wants to do is to stare at the ring on his partner’s fingers at the end of the ceremony.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

“Babe”, “Baby”, “Beautiful” in the morning AaahHhGhh

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

He tries to keep the relationship lowkey because… he is who he is BUT it’s actually hilarious how obvious it is to his friends and comrades that he’s head over heels in love.

He expresses his love physically the best because he lowkey hates how red and hot he gets when he has to tell his lover how much he adores them.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Like I said earlier he is trying to keep things under the radar BUT he always compliments them whether they’re in the room or not to a point where Zeke rolls his eyes at the millionth mention of how “smart” and “brave” they are. So no PDA.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship

His commitment

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

VERY, VERY cliché romantic guy think roses, cute nicknames, cooking, drawing a bath for you, foot massages😮‍💨❤️‍🔥

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

He doesn’t really have the time to help them but is always supporting them and reminds them that they can achieve anything they put their heart into.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Unfortunately, because of his lifestyle he cannot afford to “switch it up” here and there but he would definitely prefer to.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He knows them better than anyone else whether they’re an open book or more reserved. He doesn’t even have to spend a lot of time with them, he just does.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Warriors don’t have a lot going for them aside from shallow admiration from fellow Eldians, and the love from their family and friends (if they have any). That is the reason why after his relationship with his mother, his genuine, heart felt romantic relationship is the most important.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

So one time after a warrior mission, he came home very wounded to the point where he was healing very slowly and his titan scars were still on his face. Fortunately, his s/o was there and took care of him also drowning him in kisses. He was taken aback by the fact that despite his very hollow cheeks and overall scary titan-esque look, they still wanted to show him affection that way.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Yes it’s his favorite thing to do he’s legit a teddy bear

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

He will read the romantic letters they send him. He’s not really one to write letters but he will enjoy reading them before going to bed.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Yes he will make sure by any means necessary that you work out what’s wrong in your relationship. Like that man would stop at nothing it’s kinda scary.

Thank you for reading!! Prompts by @/snk-warriors

#gallipieck #pokkopiku #porco imagines #porco x reader #attack on titan porco #porco headcanons #porco galliard #aot x reader #aot canonverse #attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #snk #snk x reader #snk fanfiction #aot fandom #aot fluff #aot drabbles #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #shingeki no kyoujin

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nullwritesmonsters · 6 months

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Frustrations and Distance { Ghost x Trans-masc reader!} MINORS DO NOT INTERACT 18+ ONLY!!

Warnings: Uses afab terms for reader's genitals. Reader is afab and trans masc. Reader referred to as : Good boy, Puppy, Baby

You were on leave, mandatory leave for an injury that had to heal before you were able to return to work. You relished the break until you learned your boyfriend Ghost was unable to get his time off approved and was going to be deployed for a few weeks.

Now sitting alone in the house, you spent the next two months bored and frustrated out of your mind. The house had been cleaned three times over and you were still left with this antsy feeling. So you headed upstairs to your and Ghost’s room, the scent of him hadn’t faded completely and it was the only reason you’d been able to fall asleep these past two months.

Falling back onto the bed you slowly worked your hand down your pants, rubbing your clit and sliding your fingers inside yourself. As much as you worked yourself you were unable to cum, the frustration building up in you even more. You shot off the bed with a growl and stomped into your shower to clean yourself off.

Unfortunately for you, You hadn’t been able to get off on your own since Ghost had left. You tried everything, your toys, fingers, looking at porn, but nothing had worked. It left you a pent-up mess and desperately missing your boyfriend.

Luckily Ghost was getting back from being deployed in a few days. The thought cheered you up but you were still a bit peeved at your lack of release. You’d started to blame Ghost for your issue, he’d ruined you with his big dick and now you needed him to cum. Realistically you knew it wasn’t that (probably) but it was still easier to blame him for it.

You stepped out of the shower and decided to get started on dinner, might as well since you didn’t have anything better to do. Or you would’ve had the doorbell not rung. You slipped downstairs and headed for the door, opening it to see Ghost standing outside with his bag.

You stared in disbelief, He wasn’t supposed to be back for at least a few more days! You surged forward with a laugh, wrapping your arms around his neck and dragging him into a hug. “Simon you’re back! I thought you were gone for a few more days?” You asked staring up at him. Ghost smiled down at you and kissed the tip of your nose.

“We got back early, I got my leave approved finally so I’m home for a bit” He explained. You were really glad he was back, but another more petty part was still peeved that you hadn’t gotten off in two months.

Your demeanor changed as you pulled away, walking back into the house with a huff. “About time, You should’ve gotten it earlier” You grumble at Ghost, leaving him confused.

The blonde walks inside with a frown and shakes his head. “Hey, what’s the deal? Why are you mad at me?”

“I haven’t cum in seven weeks Ghost!” You snap at him, whirling around to face the taller man. Ghost blinks at you and sets his bag down on the kitchen table.

“But you have toys and stuff?” He asks slightly confused. You roll your eyes and fold your arms, looking away with a blush. “I couldn’t finish, it’s… it’s not the same without you” Ghost chuckles deeply and steps behind you, gently guiding you by the hips as you continue to complain without noticing what he’s doing. You barely hear the sound of his belt unbuckling as you continue to rant “You ruined me, Nothing worked, not my toys or my fingers, I can only- oh!”

In one smooth motion, Ghost pulls your shorts down and slides into your dripping pussy. He chuckles deeply and presses a kiss to your neck “That better baby? Don’t worry, I’ll make it up to you”

Ghost gently folds you over the dining room table and grinds his hips into you in slow, dirty circles. His thick girth spreads you open, the head bumping against your cervix with every deep grind. You’re speechless as he continues to rock into you, the feeling of him inside you is almost overwhelming from how long it’s been.

You inhale a choked breath and moan, drawn out and breathy when Ghost thrusts into you. He pulls back and begins to slowly press in and out. You feel his smirk on your throat and if you weren’t paralyzed with pleasure you’d wipe it off his face. “Simon!” You whine the other man’s name, tears already gathering in the corners of your eyes.

Your brain turns to mush when Ghost brings his hand between your legs and rubs gently on your clit, his gloved hand giving you much-needed friction on the bud. You clench around him with a gasp and rock into the rough feeling of his glove on you. “Oh that’s it baby, I’ll give you what you need” He coo’s into your ear, rocking deep into you.

You shiver against him, thankful for the table underneath you holding up your weight. You’re not sure if you’d be able to stand on your own with how much your legs are shaking. “Simon!” You whine, grabbing onto his forearms as he leans over your back. He lets out a huff and buries his face in your hair, starting to move faster.

You squeeze around him and your breath hitches as his hips piston into yours, his fingers rubbing against your clit. You gasp out your name as you reach your peak, a broken moan leaving your lips as you cum around him.

Ghost eases you through it, rolling his hips and playing with your clit. You squirm underneath him at the overstimulation but he keeps a firm grip on your hips. He presses a kiss to your cheek and pants into your ear.

“Good job puppy, gonna make you cum on my cock again yeah? Want you screaming and crying on my dick while I pump a load into you” He whispers into your ear and heat coils in your stomach again.

Ghost growls softly as he begins to pick up the pace again. You can feel him throbbing inside, the strong pulses against your inner walls. He aims his hips to the spot that makes you see stars and bullies it. You cum again, whiting out for a moment as Ghost continues to slam into you.

When you come to Ghost is panting roughly into your neck, teeth grazing your throat. He pulls away with a grunt and hikes your leg up onto the table. “Roll over, I want to see your face” He pleads, voice rough and desperate.

You flip over onto your back and stare up at your boyfriend. He’s flushed and sweaty with an adoring look on his face. He swallows as he meets your eyes, his brown eyes dark and hungry as he scans over your fucked out expression.

He leans in and kisses you softly, a hard switch from the rough and dirty way he was fucking you just a moment ago. You card your hand through his hand and arch into the kiss, closing your eyes and sinking into the feeling. Ghost licks your lips and rests his forehead on your collarbone as he presses the tip to your entrance.

The taller man pushes in, head catching on your inner ring as he slides in. He presses a kiss on your inner thigh and rubs circles into your skin with his thumb. Your head falls back against the table as he sinks in fully, hips pressed flush to yours. “Perfect for me love, Only I get to have you like this… You’re mine” He growls against your lips and then starts to move.

Ghost sets a punishing pace as he trails kisses up your chest, hands gripped tightly to your hips as he pounds into you. The table creaks with each thrust and you sob as each movement brushes against your g-spot.

Ghost grunts, eyes clenched shut and teeth gritted as he chases your releases. He cracks open his eyes and moans at the sight of you underneath him. “Oh fuck, that’s it puppy. Come on, cum for me, I wanna see that pretty pussy squirt. Fuck, you always look so good with my cum dripping out of you. My good boy” He praises, fingers coming back to find your clit while the other presses down on your stomach.

You shriek with pleasure and babble a mixture of swears and Ghost’s name. Your body arches sharply off the table with a loud moan as the tension in your stomach snaps. “Simon I’m close! Oh fuck, fuck fuck!”

You shake as your third orgasm hits you like a train. Your release sprays against Ghost and drips down your thighs, warm and sticky. He groans as you clench down on him and leans down, biting into your neck as he reaches his peak.

His hips stutter as he pumps his load into you, thick ropes of cum splash against your walls as he grinds into you. Ghost braces himself over your body, staring into your eyes as he fills you with his spend.

He pants softly and brushes hair out of your face, his other hand dropping from your legs hooked over his shoulders. He kisses you, slow and drawn out as he pulls out. You hiss at the overstimulation, looking down to see your pussy puffy and red. You and Ghost’s cum drip out slowly between your folds and onto the dining room table.

Ghost dips his fingers down and swipes it up, sucking the mixture off his fingers with a grin. He swallows it and finally lets your legs drop from his shoulder. You sit up and lean against his chest, feeling hazy and fucked stupid. Ghost notices your expression and coo’s at you, petting your hair and kissing your forehead. “There we go, my little pup cum drunk from my cock, just how he should be”

You whine at his words but it’s true, this is your favorite feeling in the entire world. He scoops you up and walks over to the kitchen counter, grabbing a towel and wetting it with warm water. Ghost cleans you up gently, pressing soft kisses to your temples. He sets you down on the couch, shusing you when you whine as he leaves you.

You assume he’s cleaning off the table and it’s not long until Ghost is back at your side. He slips your shorts and underwear back on and pulls you into his lap. You both recline down the length of the couch. Ghost rubs your thighs absentmindedly as you both calm down. He nuzzles into your hair and squeezes his arms around you.

“I missed you so much when I was gone. I’m not used to you being gone on the field” Ghost admits, hugging you tighter to his chest. You smile up at him and cup his jaw “Me too, it’s not the same when you’re not here either”

Ghost leans into the touch and sighs “But if the sex is that good every time we’re separated I might ask for less leave” He grins down at you, yelping when you smack his shoulder. He chuckles at your pout and tilts your chin up, kissing you. He stares into your eyes and caresses your cheek. “I love you”

You melt at the words no matter how many times Ghost has said them by now. You sit up and press a light kiss to the man’s jaw, peppering light ones across the scars on his face. “I love you too”

Ghost blushes and you laugh at his reaction. He rolls his eyes at you but pulls you closer. The two of you settled in together on the couch, everything was perfect now that you were side by side. You closed your eyes and basked in the sensation of Ghost’s love.

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vanwritesfan-fiction · 7 months

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Jack and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week

Part Two

Warnings: angst, language

The last month had been agonizingly slow for you. The little voice in the back of your mind was a manipulative bitch, and at this point you were numb to the attacks.

He’s already out there fucking other girls

He was always gonna leave you

He never loved you

Your apartment was a mess, stacks of takeout boxes piled on the counter, weeks worth of laundry that either needed to be washed or folded had made it into the same pile and were now indistinguishable, cluttered your apartment.

There were also pieces of Jack everywhere around your place, and they weren’t always things you could pick up and throw away so easily. You could box up his hoodies and his shirts you had grown attached to and give them to good will, but you could never truly be free of the impact he had on your life. His laugh echoed in your mind as you laid in your bed, memories of laughing till you cried as the two of you talked until the early morning, keeping you awake at night.

You had missed calls from your friends and family who had all heard about the break up and wanted to check in, but you didn't answer any of them. You thought isolating yourself after ending your relationship with Jack was the best way to heal, and you couldn't have been more wrong.

It wasn't working. You missed him just as much today as you did 30 days ago, and it was killing you. You were a shell of the person you used to be, and you weren't sure if anyone was going to see your old self again, not even you.

He ruined you forever

Stop missing him, he doesn’t miss you

You’re unlovable, and you always will be

“God, can you please shut the fuck up?”, you pounded at your head. Your words echoed through your empty apartment. There was no one here to hear your cries for help, and maybe it was better that way.

The only reason you were even leaving the house was to stock up on some food, so you could retreat into yourself for another few weeks. You threw on an old pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, throwing your hair into a ponytail before you left your apartment.

You went through the motions, smiling at people you passed, striking up a conversation with the cashier, pretending to care about anything but the man who broke your heart. To anyone who didn't know you personally, it would appear that you were perfectly fine, even though that couldn't be further from the truth.

You slung your tote bag carrying your groceries over your shoulder as you scrolled through your phone, walking back to your apartment.

*30 Missed Calls from Mom*- you'd call her later when you were ready to hear a lecture about perseverance

*50 Unopened Text Messages*- old invites from friends wanting to take you out to get drunk and get over that fuck boy you'd been dating

You ignored them all, indifferent to their concern. The only thing that caught your attention was one missed voicemail. You stopped in the stairwell, pressing play on the message before you put the phone to your ear and continued taking the steps.

"Hey, Y/N, this is Urban. I don't know why I'm saying that, you know who this is. Unless you don't have my number saved anymore, which I totally would understand. Jack and I are kind of a package deal-.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that Jack is in the hospital. He collapsed during sound check here in New York. Somethings been going on with him, fuck, I'm saying that like you aren't going through the same thing right now.

Listen, I don't expect you to do anything with this information, if you didn't want to see him I would totally understand, but I thought that you should know. I really hope you're doing okay, kiddo, and if you need me, I'm here. Again, this is Urban. Bye."

****

"Hey", Jack's voice startled you, making your phone fly out of your hand, smashing the screen in the process. There he was, the same guy who had walked out on you, who turned his back on you when you needed him the most, sitting in the stairwell of your apartment building.

You were silent, tight lipped as you took in his appearance. He looked terrible, like he had gone 12 rounds in a knock-down, drag-out fight with a heavyweight champion in the ring.

"I got here, climbed all of these damn stairs, and realized I left my key card on your kitchen counter that night." He explained weakly, motioning towards the door. "Elevator is still broken, piece of shit. I always hated the fact that you lived here, this apartment building is garbage", he muttered under his breath, but you heard every word.

Jack was rambling, hoping that at some point you'd stop him, come running into his arms, and for the first time he'd be able to breathe again. But instead, you just stood there, so he continued to ramble.

"I came here right from the airport. Still have the hospital bracelet on." He held his arm out revealing the plastic wristband. He let out a laugh, but there was no humor in it, only desperation and sadness.

"Had to lie to Neelam and everything." He looked at you, tears brimming in his eyes. "Please say something."

He left you

He left you!

Your next steps took everything in you. As you walked pass him, Jack closed his eyes, allowing the tears to flow, listening to the beep of your key card and the door unlocking.

****

Four Weeks Ago

You climbed the final step to your floor, gripping the handrail. Jack followed behind you, his hand on your lower back. You sighed as you reached the door, turning on your heels with your hand out to face Jack.

"What?", he asked with a cheeky smile on his face.

"I forgot my key card again. Can you let us in?" You pulled your lip out in a pitiful pout, Jack's resolve weakening immediately. He gently pushed you against the cold metal, grazing his nose against yours before you locked lips. His hands roamed your body like he was desperate to find something. You felt him sigh into your mouth as his hands found your face, his thumbs gently brushing against your cheeks.

You pulled away before he was ready, chuckling to yourself. "The key, Jack."

He let out a huff, pulling out his wallet. "Remind me again why you won't just move in with me? My building has an elevator." You rolled your eyes as you opened the door, taking Jack's hand as you walked down the hallway to your apartment. "I like living here, and I like living alone."

"You do know that once we get married, we're going to live together, right?" Jack leaned against the doorframe, watching you search through your purse.

You squinted your eyes at him, pulling out your keys. "I always thought you were going to move in here." You flipped on the light to your kitchen, dropping your purse by the door. Jack threw his key card on your kitchen counter. "Yeah, that's never gonna happen."

You stripped your sweater off as you walked to your bedroom, throwing it on the bed. Jack threw himself back on the mattress, watching you move through the motions of getting ready for bed. "Maybe we can go look at some places together, next weekend. I'm serious about us moving in together, Y/N."

You stopped, focusing on his glistening blue eyes as he looked at you with so much love and adoration. You felt your face flush, your stomach full of butterflies. You climbed over him, hovering about his broad shoulders.

"Ok, but I have a couple of conditions." Jack pulled you down so your body weight was fully on his, wrapping his arms around your torso. "Shoot."

"One, it needs to have enough closet space. I have a lot of shoes." Jack pushed a strand of hair out of your face, tracing your jawline with his index finger. "Done."

"Two-" Jack felt his phone vibrating in his back pocket. "I've gotta get that."

You pushed off of his chest, sitting into his lap. "No, ignore it. We barely get any time together, no work tonight."

"It could be Neelam. I'm not really in a position to ignore my team's calls." You sighed, climbing off of Jack's lap onto your feet. "Five minutes."

"Five minutes", he agreed sitting up. You left the door cracked, giving him some privacy. You felt a tinge of anger in your chest as you went to the kitchen. You were so proud of Jack's success and was glad that he was getting the recognition he rightly deserved, but you were getting tired of always being understanding of the impromptu work calls, and Jack canceling plans with you because of work commitments.

You caught him as he walked out of the bedroom, sending off texts from his phone. "So I was thinking, there's this house a couple blocks from here that I have been in love with since I've moved here. I think it would be perfect for us. What do you think about us looking at it this weekend?"

Jack looked up, his face riddled with guilt. You knew that look well; he was about to make up some excuse about how he had some last minute appearance or studio time that he just couldn't miss.

"Forget it." You felt the lump build in the back of your throat, your eyes starting to sting with tears.

"Babe, you know I can't say no to anything with work. I'm still trying to build my career, make a name for myself. We'll do it some other time." Jack stepped towards you, trying to pull you into his arms, but you backed away.

"Is this what its going to be like when we get married? Am I always going to come second to you?" You hated how jealous and bratty you sounded in the moment.

Jack sighed, leaning against the counter as he crossed his arms over his chest and hung his head. "Please, baby, don't do this again."

"Do what? Beg you to put me first for once? Trust me, I'm getting tired of it too." This night had quickly turned sour, months of built up anger and frustration spilling out of you. "I don't know if I want to live my life like this, Jack."

You could see his neck start to get red, a sign he was agitated. "What do you want from me? Do you want me to stop working and spend all of my time here with you in this crappy apartment? Is that what you want? Would that make you happy?"

"God, when did you become such a pretentious asshole? This apartment is where I first told you I loved you, where we first made love, and now its crappy? I didn't realize I meant that little to you." You could barely speak, you were crying so hard. You tried to catch your breath and steady yourself, but it was all in vain.

"Stop putting words in my mouth." Jack pulled at his curls, scrunching his eyes closed. "You know I didn't mean it that way."

"Then, please, tell me what you meant, Jack." You immediately wished you hadn't said that, because you didn't think you were going to like what you were about to hear.

"You have no idea that pressure that I am under. Everyone wants something from me, wants everything that I can give. Its exhausting, and now you're telling me that you want me to put all of that, everything that I've worked so damn hard for, to the side because you're jealous?"

You were stunned. He hadn't heard one word that you had said, he was so caught up in trying to defend himself.

"Jack-"

"I don't have anything else to give! I don't have anything left in me!" He punctuated his sentence with a sharp breath, feeling himself go light-headed. You were silent for a few moments, and the quiet was making Jack's skin crawl.

"Jack, I don't want something from you. I don't want your money, or the things you can give me. I want you." You wiped a stray tear from your cheek. "I have always only ever wanted you."

Jack felt his chest tighten. He knew where this was going, and in no way was it ending well. If he stayed, this fight would always hang over your head. He knew it wasn't the last time work was going to take priority, and he wasn't sure if he could take seeing you this upset again.

"I think we're done here." Jack balled up his fist, his finger nails digging into the palm of his hand.

"Fine. Maybe you should go back to your place, and I'll talk to you later." You looked at your feet, afraid to make eye contact with him.

"No." Jack pinched the bridge of his nose, his head throbbing. "I think we're done here for good. This isn't gonna work out anymore." Jack tried to stand up and walk out, but he couldn't feel his legs beneath him.

"Wait, what are you talking about?" You felt nauseous, like the moment you opened your mouth, you were going to be sick right there in the kitchen.

"I'm making this easy for the both of us. I can't do this anymore, Y/N. I'm sorry."

You flinched as you heard the door slam closed. You followed his heavy footsteps down the hall, hearing the stairwell door swing open and closed as well.

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#jack harlow #jackman thomas harlow #jackharlow #jack harlow x reader #jackman harlow #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow angst

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chrismcleanswife · 1 year

Note

Hello Author!

If it’s not too much trouble can I please request a follow up to the ‘Duncan hurts Chris’s 13 y/o niece’, where Duncan tries to make up for what he did to the reader?? Maybe this scenario could happen after Duncan is brought back again in TDWT?

𝐎𝐮𝐜𝐡! (𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟑)

A/N -> Omg! Of course you can have a part three dear anon! I already had some ideas floating 'round my mind to write it, and your kind request was the final impulse I needed to write it, Hope you enjoy it! <3

♥🩹 -> Since you almost fell of the plane everything went uproad.

♥🩹 -> With Alejandro near you, the fear of being hurt wasn't as overwhelming as before.

♥🩹 -> You felt safe everytime he picked you in his arms or took your hand.

♥🩹 -> And your heart was slowly healing thanks to the Spanish boy, who kept acting as a brother and protector figure to your young self.

♥🩹 -> Your smile was now genuine and was almost always displaying itself on your face.

♥🩹 -> Now you were able to let people touch you with slow movement.

♥🩹 -> And everyone liked how they could now hug you, so it was a win-win for everyone.

♥🩹 -> Or at least it was until Courtney and Gwen brought back the wrong delinquent.

♥🩹 -> Instead of Jack the Ripper, they bought Duncan.

♥🩹 -> As soon as the punk eyes laid on you your breath got stuck into your throat, your hands slightly trembled as you tried to take Alejandro's hand without breaking the eye contact, fearing what would happen if you did so.

♥🩹 -> The fear that your little form held didn't let you see past Duncan's ice blue eyes, they showed nothing but concern and guilt, but those emotions quickly turned into jelausy and slight rage when he saw how Alejandro held your hand and took you close to his latin body.

♥🩹 -> Everyone except your scared you could see the change and almost hear the loud srieking nose that Duncan's teeth did from closing his jaw so tight.

♥🩹 -> Everyone could also see how Duncan tried everything on his power to make you at least trust him enough to let him talk to you, but that didn't happen for a huge number of days, in which you kept leaving the room and/or hiding as soon as you saw his green hair in the space you were currently in.

♥🩹 -> After a week or so, you exited your bedroom in the middle of the night to go for a glass of water, and guess who you encountered in the middle of the hallway.

♥🩹 -> Yes.Duncan.

♥🩹 -> You stopped breathing and didn't move an inch even though his eyes had already landed on you, following the stupid rule of "If I don't move, he can't see me"

♥🩹 -> However, your plan obviously failed, and you watched in horror as Duncan opened his mouth to said something you thought would be unpleasant, bringing the wrist he hurted years ago close to your chest as a fear reflex while you firmly closed your eyes.

♥🩹 -> ❝I'm sorry kid❞ he seemed genuine when he said that, he still had his usual resting bitch-face but his voice seemed so true.

♥🩹 -> Those three words made your eyes open wildly as you looked at him with surprise.

♥🩹 -> ❝Wha...What...?❞ you managed to say with a shaky voice, your years ago hurt hand now falling to your side slowly.

♥🩹 -> ❝What I did back then was really messed up, and I didn't even apologise to you after that, god, sometimes I really suck❞ he explained, a morbid laughter escaping his lips once he said the last part of his phrase.

♥🩹 -> Your eyes blinked while you tried to process his last words, your body slowly and slightly relaxing.

♥🩹 -> He moved a step closer to you, and you were quick to take 3 back, looking at him with scared eyes again.

♥🩹 -> Duncan, rubbed his temple while he sighed in defeat, he then looked at you again with a more soft expresion, holding his hand out to you, revealing a sweet treat on his palm.

♥🩹 -> You looked at him uncertainly, opening your mouth to talk but no sound coming out so you closed it again.

♥🩹 -> He somehow managed to realise your puzzled and hesitant body language and he spoke again, his raspy voice sounding a little more sweeter than last time.

♥🩹 -> ❝Look Chris mini copy, I know I hurted you that day, and gosh I really wish I didn't do such a stupid thing❞ he let out in a huff, still a bit angry at himself for letting his anger take over him that afternoon ❝I don't expect you to come to my side running only because I said sorry, okay? I just want to let you know that I want to regain your trust, start from 0 again, and maybe, one day you will be by my side again, you know, like we used to say back then "being my little delinquent buddy" alright? don't feel forced❞

♥🩹 -> Those words felt mature, felt real, felt... felt true...

♥🩹 -> So you hesitantly noded, holding your hand out slowly and taking the pink wrapped candy in his palm, retracting your hand as slowly and carefully ripping the plastic envoltory appart to pour the sugary treat in your mouth.

♥🩹 -> Duncan felt content with your reaction and let out a little "heh" before turning his back at you and trying to walk away to the place he was sleeping.

♥🩹 -> But one of his eyebrows raised itself when he heard quick and soft footsteps behind him and he suddenly felt a not so tiny hand on his arm.

♥🩹 -> He knew it was you the one who stopped him, but he still looked surprised and genuinely intrigued when he saw you there, holding his arm so he stopped walking away.

♥🩹 -> He was just opening his mouth to question your actions when you suddenly spoke to him with a soft and still shaky voice.

♥🩹 -> ❝I- I maybe not have the strength to forgive you right now Duncan, bu-but I assure to you I'll try If you try to get better too... I will wait for you if you wait for me... ¿o-okay...?❞ you said in something slightly above of a whispers voice volume.

♥🩹 -> Duncan felt a soft smile creep into his lips, and so he nodded, slowly freeing himself from your grip and waving you off before disappearing.

♥🩹 -> Those words felt too mature on your tongue, but they also felt so right, that you almost teared up in the middle of that hallway.

♥🩹 -> You knew this was what you both needed, you couldn't deny the fact that you wanted to jump right back into his arms and become his little buddy again, but it wouldn't be a wise choice, both of you needed your time to recover and improve slightly, and you both were also willing to take your time so you could be comfortable around each other again.

♥🩹 -> Until then, you still had Alejandro's side to curl up too and your other friend's arms to be inbetween in case you felt down.

♥🩹 -> And, with a little of luck and an even more little of time Duncan and you could maybe laugh at his jokes again...

#Total Drama x reader #Chris' niece series #Duncan x reader #platonic duncan x reader #platonic #reader x total drama #total drama #total drama world tour #duncan tdwt #duncan tdwt x reader #angst #hurt comfort #the end?#who knows...

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anki-of-beleriand · 2 years

Text

A Heart Made of Glass ch.2

Summary: Ten years ago you left Wanda and the Avengers to heal your broken heart. You never stopped being a hero, just as you never stopped being in love with her. But life had to go on.

Now, after all that time, she is back and with her is a young woman needing help and an enemy that may not be as afraid as Wanda to lay a claim on you.

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff x Powered!F!Reader - Scarlet Witch x PoweredF!Reader - Past Wanda Maximoff x Vision

Warnings: Angst, drama, mentions of cheating, fluff, violence, smut, Switch!Reader, internalize homophobia, hurt, comfort, Wanda being a complete mess, anger management issues, jealousy, Requited/Unrequited love, idiots in love, swearing, mentions of alcohol. Slow burn. More tags as the story progess.

Author's Note: This story is a continuation of Dirty Little Secret I was really surprised at the response I got for the story, I did all the tags you guys ask for but if I forgot someone please do not hesitate to tell me. Thank you for the support., you don't know how much it means to me all of this comments, likes, regblogs, I'm so happy you guys like the story.

The weight of memories can be quite overwhelming and Wanda and R are going to face this soon enough. This chapter will have some old memories, and some thinking America does in regards to this world and her previous one. Just the begining of a confrontation between Wanda and R. This chapter is long, so do tell me if you prefer them short, or any other request.

Please, do remember English is no my mother tongue so forgive my grammar, spelling and funny mistakes.

Chapter 1 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10

Chapter 2

The weight of memories

“Wanda.”

It was a name you hoped to never pronounce ever again.

You still remembered the last time your spoke it out loud and it was the day your heart broke into a million pieces, and your soul was shattered and submerged in darkness for a very long time. Yelena stood by your side, her eyes opening wide in realisation while her gun lifted slightly firm on her hand while her eyes sought out Natasha who was standing at the other end of the hall furrowing her brows while she had her attention on you.

The tension was palpable around the house, you could not take your eyes off of Wanda while the young witch couldn’t stop looking at you. She stood frozen in time and space, her eyes taking into your figure that filled out your young adult body into a more mature one. Your hair around your shoulders with a side bang and an undercut made you looked beautiful, and Wanda felt her heart ached at the memories seeing you brought to her mind.

“Y/N.”

Your name sounded like a prayer, and you hated the fact her voice deeper and raspier, sent shivers down your back. You straightened up getting your emotions under control, your whole body tensing up while Yelena stepped forward in a protective gesture. Wanda scowled at this, though she didn’t dare to say or do nothing as she waited for you to do something.

“I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do.” Yelena broke the silence lifting her gun to Wanda. “Do I shot her or we’re going to keep gaping at one another until we get tired?”

You clenched your jaw, finally breaking the spell those green eyes had you in. Wanda dropped her hand pressing her lips together, Natasha stepped forward until her eyes found yours and she knew something must be done before you did something you would regret.

"Putain qu'est-ce qu'elle fout ici?" The accent rolled out of your lips, strong and icy, breaking Wanda just a little when you walked past her without even looking back.

Natasha shrugged tearing her eyes away from you to Wanda, “n'a pas eu l'occasion de la battre. Et tu n'as pas pris tes téléphones avec toi.”

didn’t get a chance to beat it out of her. And you didn’t take your phones with you.”

Yelena winced just remembering that had been her fault, she followed you closed behind enjoying the broken stare from Wanda while shooting curious glances to America who had been watching everything with big, shocked eyes. You stood side by side with Natasha, knowing Wanda had her eyes on you probably wondering when you learned French, wondering if you and Natasha had spent a lot of time together. No, she probably didn’t even care about that, she probably was coming over to ask for a favour.

Your fists clenched while your body trembled and your lungs filled with air. You needed to get out of there, you needed to run…

"Y/N…" This time around there was a pleadingly tone behind your name, Wanda stepped forward until your blackened eyes met hers and she clamped her mouth shut.

You tried to hold onto your powers while everything came crashing down on you, at that moment you knew that Wanda was still someone that could affect you greatly and that made you hated yourself and her all over again.

"Don't." You said through gritted teeth. "Just don't."

And then you disappeared into the kitchen with Yelena following closed behind, her eyes glaring directly at Wanda while her gun rested comfortably on her hand. Wanda felt her lower lip quivered; her eyes filled with tears when something inside her broke with piecing through her very soul. America stood there not understanding your anger but feeling wounded by your indifference, trying to remember herself that you were not the one she had known once…

This Y/N Y/L/N was so…so broken, so…not you. Not the woman she had met, not the one she had…

America dared to look at Wanda who had silent tears on her cheeks, her eyes gleaming with confusion and sadness while her whole body seemed to hold her back.

Natasha pursed her lips shaking her head, “I try to warn you, Wanda. You need to leave.”

“I can’t.” Wanda all but whispered, she lowered her eyes to the ground trembling while trying to hold onto her sanity. “I need to…I need her…”

As soon as those words left her mouth she cringed, Natasha made her way to her in a second and the young witch felt for the very first time the fear Natasha stirred on her targets. There was nothing kind or goofy, or even mischievous in the way she was staring down at Wanda, not on the cold smile adorning those red lips.

“You need to take care of your words, Wanda. And you will need to think better as to how you want to approach this because you are not wanted in here. Not now, not ever.” Natasha threatened lowly. “This time around, I won’t let you break her the way you did once. So, better watch what you say or get lost, Maximoff.”

There was a loud bang coming from the kitchen, Natasha sighed turning around making her way to the noise leaving Wanda and America alone. America never thought that finding you would turn out to be such a disaster, that the wounds were so deep that this really seemed like a bad idea.

The young woman didn’t know where it came from, not why she was so inclined to do so but soon she had her arms wrapped around Wanda trying to offer a comfort neither one of them felt at the moment. Wanda stood frozen for a moment before returning the embrace, comfort washing over her at having America there. It was familiar, yet so different from her boys, but it worked just the same.

"I'm not sure what happened but…" America trailed off. "Everything is so mess up in this place, we don't need them. There must be another way."

Wanda tried to smile, she tried to explain to America there wasn't any other way and that actually, even if it hurt, she kind of deserved the treatment.

"I didn't know Y/N was such an ass in this universe…" America started talking without thinking.

"I'm pretty sure I have the same ass in all universes." Your voice startled her and Wanda that soon had her face lifted to yours, her green eyes gleaming with the unshed tears and the regret she had carried with her ever since that fateful day.

America straightened up facing you with defiance in her stance, you raised a single eyebrow observing the young woman the same way she seemed to be doing. America could see the traces of the you she had come to know and love, yet there was a deep sadness and anger that she was not familiar with. America’s dark eyes drifted to Yelena and Natasha, both women standing by your side.

You couldn’t help the curving of your lips, this young woman whoever she was held power alright, but also an attitude born out of her teenage years than anything else. You held her eyes for a moment before directing them to Wanda, the witch stood there a simple shadow of the woman full of confidence you had known once.

Wanda’s life had not been easy, and you…you wished you could have ease that pain away.

Weak.

“I don’t remember you being this much of an asshole back in another place,” America stated making a face. “At least, not with Wanda.”

You lifted an eyebrow at that, your eyes narrowing slightly.

"Another place?" You pursed your lips tilting your head to the side, Natasha nodded curtly and you smirked. “Another universe…I think you have travelled all the way to Norway for nothing, kid. If you’re looking answers about the possibility of multiverse travelling you should go to Tony, Bruce and even Hank. I know nothing about other lives, other universes…other Wanda.”

Wanda winced slightly lowering her gaze before taking a deep breath, she should have planned this meeting better because right now she was losing control of what she came to ask for. Of what she needed with urgency. America scowled at your words, she was about to speak when a hand placed itself on her shoulder and Wanda stepped forward.

“We don’t need to know about this kind of travels, America knows more than they do.” Wanda hated the trembling in her voice, she cleared her throat while trying to speak ignoring your glare and that of Natasha and Yelena.

“We have come all the way to Norway because America needs protection.” This time around Wanda was proud to find her voice, firmer and demanding, trying to take the strength she needed to face you and this conversation. “Someone out there, someone extremely powerful, is looking to take her powers…”

Wanda trailed off when her eyes caught the trembling shadows around you, she clenched her eyes shut knowing she had said the wrong thing.

“After ten years, you come here to my house…to ask for my help?” There was a hint of hurt in your voice, and you hated the fact that a part of you was hoping this meeting would have a different goal.

But of course, Wanda Maximoff would have never dare to look you out if it wasn’t for the fact she needed your help. She had tried it before, and that resulted in you fighting Steve and cutting ties with him until Thanos. The only difference was this time around she came personally instead of sending someone on her behalf.

Wanda stirred wanting nothing more than to turn around and leave, but she held her ground stepping forward locking your eyes with hers.

“Not me, Y/N, her.” Wanda said pointing towards America. “She really needs our help.”

America scoffed at those words; she knew they were coming all the way to Norway looking for you because your special ability would help them cloak their presence. But she was not about to beg, and she most certainly didn’t like the fact Wanda was so affected by this meeting, that her voice held a hint of pleadingly in there. America had been hopeful when she heard your name back in Kamar-Taj, and now…it hurt. It hurt seeing this variant of yourself. So hurt and so bitter.

Wanda clenched her jaw, her eyes flashing angrily when Natasha came closer to you with her hand placed tenderly on your lower back. You straightened up concealing your real thoughts about the whole situation, you were not about to give Wanda the satisfaction of reading how you were really feeling.

America huffed stepping forward, her fists clenched tightly at her sides while she couldn’t help the tears forming in her eyes.

“We don’t need their help, Wanda.” Here she turned to the redhead that was directing her eyes to America. “It is quite obvious we’re not welcome, and I thought Y/N would be a real hero in this place. But we don’t deserve this treatment, you don’t deserve it!”

“You should watch your mouth, kid.” This time around it was Yelena the one who spoke. “It’s quite obvious your dear Wanda has not told you the whole story. But I’m pretty sure I can fill in the blank spaces and I’m pretty sure there is still a tape…”

This time around you and Wanda winced at the mention of a tape, Natasha shook her head but Yelena was not over. She stepped forward sending a withering glance at Wanda.

“You dare coming here after everything, as if nothing had happened.”

“I’m not…I know I have no right…”

“Then, you should leave.” Yelena stood protectively right in front of you, and you couldn’t help but smile at the gesture.

“Look here, blondie.” America started ignoring the angered gesture by Yelena, “this is between me and her.”

This time around America pointed a finger at you, you stood there glancing around and analysing the situation with Natasha standing closed by. The words from the young woman, America, had made you curious. Other worlds. Other universe. If this was the truth then, what had happened? America seemed to know you, the other you.

They had come for protection, but even if Natasha hated to admit it, Wanda was a powerful witch. Then, what kind of protection?

America seemed hurt, as if you had hurt her personally.

I didn't know Y/N was such an ass in this universe

The tension in your body intensified, Natasha frowned but opted to stand back knowing you were about to decide the right course of action for this situation. You stood forward, your hand on Yelena’s shoulder to stop the bickering going on between her and America. Wanda tried to place her arms to her side, her eyes gleaming strangely as they went to you.

You locked your eyes with hers, and for a moment it was as if you had never stopped looking into those eyes. The memories of the past came rushing in, and once more, you felt the lack of air around you. You broke the stare with a scowl, then your eyes were on America and the young woman lifted her face in defiance.

“Tell me, kid, what would my other variant do in such a predicament as this one?” You hated yourself for the question, because even if you didn’t show it, even if no one else knew what you were thinking, you had already decided what to do.

America furrowed her brows, and you shot her a defiant glare. The young woman thought about the answer, she checked you out slowly while thinking about the you from Supreme's world. How she had loved Wanda beyond anything and anyone America had seen before. How she would be ready to make Wanda happy, to be there for her and the twins. They were the reason why Y/N breathed and woke up every morning. If there was something America was sure of, was that true love, being in love with someone should be like Wanda and Y/N's relationship.

"She would do anything for her. Without a doubt." America replied simply, with honesty, and for some reason when she saw your face and dare to read your eyes she thought perhaps this was the most obvious answer and something you weren’t ready to hear yet.

You stood frozen for a long time, your eyes on America knowing full well Wanda had her eyes on you. You pressed your lips together, lifting your stare to Wanda then going back to America.

"Make yourself at home, then." You waved your hand turning your back to Wanda and America, "There are empty rooms down the hall leading to the yard."

You crossed eyes with Natasha, knowing full well she would give you shit for this. Yelena pursed her lips following you, giving Wanda one last dirty stare.

The living room was left in an uncomfortable silence, Natasha tried to conceal her emotions not liking one bit what just happened. Her green eyes went from America to Wanda, the young witch tried to follow you but soon Natasha stood in her way. The tension now was accompanied by the electric charged that was Wanda’s magic.

"Let me show you the place, then. Since apparently you're staying." There was no warm in her voice, and her eyes were as hard as steel.

Wanda clenched her jaw, before trying to control her anger.

“Natasha…”

The Black Widow lifted a hand shaking her head, “you still don’t get it, do you Wanda?”

At this Wanda stiffened, her eyes lost down the hall where you had disappeared with the blond-haired woman. The world around Wanda shook in ways she thought she would never live again; she hesitated before facing Natasha and the other woman gave her an angered stare.

“You don’t have any right to be here, to demand help…to wait for her to do your biding. Not anymore.” Natasha stepped back showing the other hall with her hand. “You’re staying here because regardless of how you broke her, she is still Y/N. Let me show you your room, and that of your protégé. Tomorrow would be another day.”

Wanda opened her mouth to protest but a hand closing around hers stopped her, she tilted her head to see America shaking her head. With a heavy sigh, Wanda nodded not without giving the empty hall one last lingering glance before turning around.

This meeting had been a complete disaster, America felt a deep, dark void in her chest as she saw the people she had loved once crumbled right in front of her. Whatever had happened in this world, it had certainly left scars that had not heal correctly.

America glanced around herself, the pictures and the house itself was a mirror of who you were. And even if there was anger there, if there was pain and everything seemed fucked up at the moment, America had seen the pictures. There was no need for you to keep so many of them with Wanda smiling by your side.

With a plan already forming in her head, America decided it was time for her to repay those who had protected her at some point. To stop being a burden, and start being a hero.

Like you.

Like Wanda.

______________________________________________________________

Night was already falling around the land.

The cold breeze pushed you down for a moment until you reached the valley right in front of your home, the memories you had tried to bury deep inside your soul came right in rushing with everything you had denied yourself for a long time.

At that moment you wished you had taken Wong’s advice and do the memory spell.

Perhaps, like that, you wouldn’t remember her.

Perhaps like that you didn’t have to remember at some point you were happy with her.

You didn’t have to remember how happy you had been to discover it was a secret only you and her shared. It was exciting, it was a game in the midst of such childish love…until…everything crumbled.

Wanda and you were playing a dangerous game, you knew that. You sensed it the moment Wanda reacted adverse to the idea of being out in public, the moment she justified her nights in your bed as curiosity. After three years of relationship, these kinds of comments should have been your warning, this should be enough to let you know something bad was about to happen.

This is what people do in High school and College, right? It’s the same, just…amongst superheroes, there is nothing else in here, you’re my best friend…we’re experimenting.

You had never experimented; you knew you like girls in Kindergarten though at that time you didn’t even know what romantic love was. You just knew that when you grew up you wanted to marry Laura because she was cute, and you like the ponytails she usually wore and she was your best friend in the whole school.

When you reached 12 and discovered your powers, you knew you wanted to marry Natasha Romanoff because she was not only the most beautiful woman you had ever seen, but she was also kind and a bad ass. Besides, she wasn’t as old as she pretended to be, so you still had hoped.

By the time you became an Avenger, Natasha had become your older sister. And while a part of you would always think fondly of her as your first real crush, it was a line you would never cross.

Then, came Wanda.

And that was when you knew real love. The romantic kind. The forever kind. The one so many people write about, or sing songs about…she was…Gods, she was everything.

But she wasn’t ready to face her own feelings, who she was and what she was feeling. Wanda spoke of how wrong it was, how normal she was…how while it felt nice, it was nothing more than an experiment amongst friends. And when you tried to confront her, well… She pushed and pushed until it was almost impossible for you to reach out to her, all the while pulling you to her leading you on and on until you were like a lost puppy…

Until you found her with Vision, and then she just broke your heart.

It was a nice game, but it was time to grow up. You could keep playing, but Wanda needed to think about herself, her future and what she really wanted. What was expected of her. A normal life

Normal.

Did you really think this was going to last? Wanda wanted a family, a husband, a dog, kids, a suburban life. She wanted to be a housewife and be NORMAL. The way her fucking sitcoms told her life should be. The way many had told her it should be.

She broke your heart; she destroyed your soul…she messed up with you so bad that you couldn’t bring yourself to fight anymore. You couldn’t touch another without thinking about her. You couldn’t look at anyone else the same way you looked at her…in the middle of all of that, you were a fucking romantic. You believed in the magic of love; you were so fucking naive.

You left the Avengers a couple of days after finding out about her and Vision.

You helped both sides in the Civil War but signed the Sokovia Accords.

You pretended to have a normal life as a teacher in a forgotten city in Norway, while working for both Fury and Tony. Ross never suspected a thing; he never saw right through the house you bought, how you had worked around a big underground rail only for enhanced superheroes wanting to get lost in the world. Because Wanda might have broken a lot of things in you, but she never took away from you your will to do good. To be a hero.

You became a cover. Fury and Maria would come by from time to time and the operation to locate heroes around the world started, as well as the reconstruction of the new Shield. Then, came Natasha with a blond-haired Widow: Yelena. And much like Natasha she became the little sister you didn’t have. You extend your help to them, becoming a step home for those Widows they rescue along the way.

All the while, Wanda lived her perfect normal life on the run, with a machine, pretending that what they had was nothing more than an experiment. Fighting to get the normality she always sought out, sometimes you got news about her and some others…you just begged to not hear anything at all.

Then, Thanos came and you joined the fight.

You were a hero after all, but it was late and you got there in time to see Wanda crying over the dead body of Vision moments before disappearing. A part of you died that day, and another part came back when she appeared on the battlefield after the second snap.

When the fight was over, and the funeral came by…You couldn't even look at her without remembering all the pain you had gone through because of her. You decided not saying nothing was better than trying to say something. A part of you was happy and relieved she was alive, that she was well…even if it wasn’t with you.

And then, those fucking tapes…her happily ever after trapped in a world of her own…

She took away your dream. The dream you had for her and not even once did she mention you, never once did she…remember you the way you had done all these years. How was it possible for Wanda to forget you when you couldn’t let go? How dare she to use your dream, the future you had dreamt like that?

Yelena jerked back startled as you let out a scream born out of your soul. The earth under you trembled and the blackness that was your power exploded in a single ray of black towards the sky.

You clenched your fists thinking that after all this time Wanda Maximoff meant nothing to you. That you had got over her…that you weren’t in love with her anymore.

The tears rolled down your cheeks like rivers, and you fell to your knees letting Yelena wrapped her arms around you.

“I can kill her; it would look like an accident.” Yelena whispered in comfort, you let out a sloppy laugh shaking your head.

“It’s not worth it, Lena.” You said softly hugging the other woman tightly to you. “I just wished it didn’t hurt; you know? It’s not supposed to hurt anymore…I was supposed to be over her.”

“I can kill her and make it look like an accident.” Natasha came in, her voice deathly serious.

Yelena and you crossed stares and soon your tears transformed into laughter and you and Yelena fell to the ground under the confused glance from Natasha. You let go laughing, shaking your head while holding onto Yelena.

“You guys…you really are sisters in everything but blood.”

“What’s so funny?” Natasha clicked her tongue impatiently, kicking Yelena playfully while her own eyes gleamed with mirth. “Come on! I wanna know!”

“It’s just…I proposed the same.” Yelena said sitting down still laughing, “I could make it look like an accident.”

“That’s why I love you guys,” You said, offering a real smile. “I wish we could have been lesbians together; it would be so much easier.”

“You’re an idiot.” Natasha rolled her eyes though she decided to sit beside you and Yelena.

“I don’t think you could keep up with us.” Yelena made a face when you wriggle your eyebrows.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Yelena shivered pushing her hand to you, your laughter filled the valley and the pain diminished some in the company of them. You wiped away the tears on your face, you knew Natasha had her eyes on you and she was waiting for you to say something.

“I guess we will need to hear what they have to say.” You finally said, Yelena frowned but when she was about to protest she found Natasha shaking her head.

“I can ask, she is not the only one with Strange’s phone number on speed dial.” Natasha put her phone from her pocket. “I’m more concerned about the teen. Who is she? What is that about the other you? The dimension?”

You made a sound of agreement, “it sounds far-fetched though…”

You couldn’t shake the words of America when you confronted her back at the house.

"She would do anything for her. Without a doubt."

Yes, you would have done anything for Wanda. Anything. You even bought the ring she wanted, the housed she dream of…the happily ever after…

“A talking raccoon, a talking tree and a bunch of space idiots tell us this is not impossible.” Natasha replied sardonically. “I know. I’ll speak with him. Don’t do anything stupid.”

You waved your hand at her falling on your back, Yelena pursed her lips still frowning.

“What is it?” You asked and Yelena shrugged a smirk forming on her lips, one you know pretty well.

“Wanna get waste?”

You snorted while sitting up, “god, I thought you never ask, let’s go.”

______________________________________________________________

You and Yelena disappeared the rest of the night.

The local bar welcomed you with open arms, and you and Yelena drunk and played around until snow started falling, and the drive back home became far too dangerous. Something you really didn’t care; it gave you the time to think about what had happened in the last couple of hours and organize your thoughts surrounding Wanda.

You knew you couldn’t run forever, sooner or later you would have to face the woman that held your heart in her very hands. You just never thought it would be her the one coming to you, of course, she was here only because she needed it your help. There was nothing else in there, and you hated yourself for daring to hope there could ever be.

The outside world was frozen, you shook your head knowing the snow wouldn’t stop falling anytime soon. Winter was already there and soon the snowstorms would become almost impossible to navigate. You glanced at Yelena who was mumbling drunkenly at your side, your lips drawn in an amused smile as you decided to get out of the car and take Yelena with you. The house was in complete darkness, and you just hope Natasha was nowhere to be seen or she was going to kill you both.

“Okay, Lena, just…that’s it, take one step at a time.”

"You deserve better," hr words were slurred, filled with emotion as she tried to focus her stare on you. “You’re a nice looking, functional member of society…plus you’re hot.”

You chuckled while opening the door of your home, the lights were off and there was no noise but that of your footsteps and Yelena's talk.

"Thank you, Lena coming from you is a compliment."

"I meant it… that… that bitch! The nerveee…" you held back your grin when Yelena tried to straighten up and walk alone. "I'll teach her…"

"Okay, Little Widow, we're going to lay down, there would be time to teach her a lesson."

You held the blond woman helping her to the sofa, Yelena frowned, placing a hand in your neck. The movement made you look back at her, and this time around Yelena looked almost sober.

"You deserve better, you deserve to be happy… but you only want her. It's not fair."

The air left your lungs, a cold shiver went right through your spine at those words. Then Yelena laid down, closing her eyes and you were left pondering these words. It took but a few moments before you went right into the closet to grab some covers, you put them on Yelena scowling still at those words. The truth behind them…

"So, you guys have fun?"

You turned around startled having missed the young woman standing by the threshold, America stood there with a glass full of water on her hand. She was glancing at you with curiosity and you have to wonder if perhaps she had heard Yelena’s confession.

"What are you doing so early?" You asked making your way towards her while studying the young woman for a moment. "I thought you kids sleep in until midday."

You went past her, knowing the young woman was following you back into the kitchen. There was a heavy silence filling the place, you were a little unsure about the young woman standing right there, about her words and her claims of being a traveller from another world. About what she had said the day before, those words echoed inside your head, haunting you.

"First of all, I'm not a kid." She was highly offended, you snorted but let her continue. "Second, not all of us sleep in, we don't have the luxury sometimes. And third…"

America trailed off looking away from your knowing smirk.

"Third?" You pressed; the young woman huffed looking away.

"I just… I couldn't sleep."

You observed the slump on her shoulders, the haunted glint in her eyes and the tension on her lips. You supposed everyone carried on their demons when they were trusted powers they could not understand. And America was looking like a young girl that had been trusted with something she barely knew how to control. Why had they come to you? Why now?

"Well, since you're here, we may as well make breakfast." You placed your hands on the counter. "Wanna help me out?"

America perked up at the mention of food, she nodded tentatively still wary of you. She was getting used to this new idea of you, to this new hostility she had never associated with you; America had to remember not all your variants would look the same, even though she was quite certain of what she had said to you the day before. You would have done whatever it took to make sure Wanda was alright.

You had been working around the ingredients for the breakfast, the weight of those dark eyes following you around with curiosity and nostalgia.

“Very well, do you like pancakes?” You asked out of the blue offering a tired smile to the young woman who merely nodded her head quite surprised at the questions. “Perfect! Then, let’s start, help me with a bowl over there.”

America hesitated for a moment but soon she started following around your instructions while contributing to the making of the breakfast. You were completely focused in the process, from time to time you would whistle a melody that America was not familiar with, but it made her nerves soothe over. There was a sense of familiarity in the whole scene, and soon America found herself yearning for you…for that banter…

"You can ask me, you know?" Seeing the look of confusion in your eyes, America rolled hers. "About the other worlds, about you."

"What makes you think I wanna know?" You couldn't help but ask with some curiosity.

Were you curious? Yes, of course. After the comment she made the day before, you were really curious to know how your life was in other universes. Were you really happy? Was Wanda less of a coward? Did she break your heart the same way she did there or was that only reserved for the you of this universe?

America shifted slightly, narrowing her eyes she came closer to you shrugging.

"Once they find out, everyone is curious about their variants." She explained furrowing her brows. "Everyone but you and Wanda."

You tensed at the mention of the other woman, your hands busying themselves with the mixture and the pans on the stove.

"I'm not fancying knowing I'm the same in another universe." Your replied was quite simple, your eyes trying to keep at bay how you really felt about the whole thing.

"Things are different, and you are not the same." America replied, shrugging. "You seem happier there."

You stopped what you were doing for a moment, your heart beating fast while the question you wanted to ask danced around your mind. With a stubbornness that had helped you out so far, you continued making the breakfast stopping any stupid question from leaving your lips.

"I am? Shocking, I guess the butterfly didn't flap the right way on this side of the universe."

America crunched up her nose, her hand stretching out to get a taste of what you were doing. You patted her hand shaking your head. Your lips curling slightly when you saw America licking her fingers in approval.

And even if you told yourself you wouldn't ask, that you didn't need to know the question left your mouth before you could censor yourself again.

"Are we… I mean," You trailed off clenching your jaw before speaking again. "Are they happy there?"

America pondered the question, her eyes on you for such a long time that you thought she wouldn't answer.

“You mean you and Wanda?” She asked testing the waters, you snorted shrugging never looking back to America. The teen pursed her lips for a moment thinking about her answer, “They are, they’re …really happy. It’s difficult to imagine…”

“It didn’t work out here?” You retorted, for the very first time America realised there was a huge portion of the story she didn’t know and that, whatever it was, had made you sad. Bitter.

“I guess…is different in every world.” She replied shrugging, it was not supposed to be comforting but it was a reassurance that not everything was done and said just because it happened in another time, in another space.

“I guess it is.” You worked around the plates and the trays filling them with food, the smell filling up your senses while you tried to forget what America had just revealed.

“You can be happy still, you know?” America was not really sure why she was saying this, she didn’t owe this people much and yet it felt right. As if this was something she should say, as if she knew you need to hear that.

“Too late, kiddo. It’s too late in this part of the universe.” You turned to her, trusting a huge tray filled with two plates with pancakes, fruit, tea and syrup. “Now, be a darling and take this to your friend.”

America glanced at the tray with open eyes, everything had been so neatly arranged and the effort you put on the food was quite noticeable. You pretended to be working on something else, you tried to forgo the fact you served breakfast for America because your first instinct was to serve breakfast for Wanda. The way she used to like it.

“Aren’t you going to eat too?” America scrunched up her nose, but you offered a terse smile shaking your head.

“I will take a bath first, you go and make sure your…friend is ready. Today we will speak of the reason you’re here.”

You left before America could say something else, the air you didn’t know you were holding left your lungs slowly as you approached your room. What you really needed was a drink, and a bath. Nothing else.

______________________________________________________________

The morning in this part of the world was grey. It was cold. And it was perfect for how she felt at the moment.

The storm happening right outside her window told her they would not leave the protective walls of the house anytime soon. For a moment, Wanda wondered if you had come back before the storm began, if perhaps you were stranded with the milf Yelena had been talking about. If you were with someone else…

This whole mess was so unfair.

Her life had been one mistake after the other, one regret after the other…

Wanda Maximoff had lost everything she loved. Ever since she was a young girl, it seemed as if her life had been written under a curse line of unfortunate events, of everlasting loses that broke her heart and soul little by little. The powers some thought were a gift had always been a curse, the mark of a monster that cursed everything she touched.

That was her.

The Scarlet Witch.

Wilder of chaos magic. Like her life.

A tear slid down her cheek, her green eyes contemplating the mountains stretching right before her window. The sound of a river nearby, and the silence in the house was enough to make her get lost in her memories, in her thoughts. The whispers at the back of her mind, the screams of her children asking for help, the last words of Vision just before he left definitely.

She rested against the window, sitting down on the sofa with her legs to her chest, sleep had not come the night before or the one before that. Once again, she had been thrust into a mission in which her intentions were anything but pure, and she had to face a past she could not forget. Someone she could not…she shouldn’t…

There was a knock at her door, Wanda furrowed her brows just noticing morning had arrived and it was probably Natasha or America wanting to talk to her. With a heavy sigh, Wanda stood up making her way to the door. She was highly shocked the moment she opened the door and saw America balancing a tray that was full and heavy for her to keep steady.

“I wouldn't mind if you help me?” America smiled sheepishly; it took a second before Wanda went to help the young girl grabbing the drinks in her hand while directing them to the table inside her room.

America followed her, closing the door behind her biting her lower lip in concentration. Wanda followed her with her eyes until she had settled everything on the table and sat down ready to dig in her own plate. Wanda hesitated for a moment, her body trembling under the sudden intrusion to her time alone, but her eyes softened when she saw the young woman getting settled while fixing everything for the both of them to have a nice breakfast.

“Did you do all of these?” Wanda finally asked, sitting down in front of the young woman, she tilted her head, watching the form of the pancakes, the syrup, the fruit…everything was familiar.

“Eh, no, I mean I helped some but…Y/N did all the cooking.” America shrugged, making a sound of pleasure when tasting the pancakes. “And she is good at this stuff! You should taste them, I think she put…”

“...Peanut butter.” Wanda whispered, her eyes dropping to the pancakes. “She…I don’t know how she does it, but she puts peanut butter and…jelly.”

America opened her eyes in realisation, not wanting to disrupt the moment she just continued eating silently while making sure to observe Wanda carefully. The woman in front of her was so different from how Strange had described her, without a doubt América knew she was powerful and that she was capable of great things. But right now she was looking defeated, tired and so miserable America soon realized she had not asked about this. About her and this world, she hadn't had the time while running and fighting for her life…but perhaps, now that they were in hiding could be a good time to get to know this Wanda. To get to know you and understand why the both of you insist on being apart from one another.

The weight of everything Wanda had lived up until that point came rushing in, her mind a mixture of regrets and thoughts, emotions she longed to forget.

"Are you okay?" America finally asked, placing the fork on the table, her eyes worrying over Wanda who offered a grimace.

"I am, we should eat." Wanda sat down going through the motions playing with the food on her plate.

The young woman sitting in front of her didn't know how to proceed. She wished there was a way to help, that there was something she could do but in all the time she had spent travelling through the multiverse she hardly got more than a couple of days interaction before she moved on.

"I thought she hated you." America broke the silence, her eyes glancing at Wanda who stiffened at those words.

Wanda nodded, taking a bite from her food.

"She does." Wanda confirmed and the words were painful to even pronounce.

America furrowed her brows, "then why did we come here? I mean, you are powerful as it is and well… with Strange helping out…it's just… you seem really sad, and she was really mean to you. Yet she comes and makes your favourite breakfast. This is really confusing."

Wanda offered a smile at those words; she could see the young woman meant every word with just a hint of concern and indignation on Wanda's behalf. Wanda sighed leaning back in the chair.

"We need her help, she is not only powerful but the only person I trust more than myself." Wanda felt dirty as those words rolled out if her mouth. "And she has her reason… We have our reason for this. The breakfast is just… breakfast. Nothing else, nothing more."

America didn't really understand, but it was evident whatever was going on around them was enough to create such a breech between them. Which was sad… they really were meant for each other.

"You two were really happy, you know?" America whispered returning her attention to her food. "At least, that's how it looked like in the other universe…"

Wanda cocked her head looking away from America to hide her tears.

"It's too late in this part of the universe, America." Wanda whispered, standing up and moving to the bathroom.

America sat there finishing her pancake with a frown and musing over her two morning conversations that day. Everyone seemed so adamant that it was too late, but was it? What if there was a chance…?

With some determination, America decided she would play the game this time around she would make sure to make a difference before her powers took her to another place or her invisible hunter caught up with her.

______________________________________________________________

You let out a groan when the hot water hit your skin. The water rushed down your body, with your eyes closed you tried to shake away the memory of Wanda's eyes, how sad and empty they looked, how defeated she appeared. Life had not been kind to her.

You wished you could hate her, that she didn't make you feel half the things you were experiencing at the moment. How you wished you could go to her, wrapped your arms around her and tell her everything was going to be fine.

The shampoo washed away slowly as you massage your scalp, it was too late and the only thing that would come out of that was more pain and you certainly didn't need more of that. It was hard as it was trying to ignore her at Caps funeral, or on the battlefield in the fight against Thanos…

It was hard trying to just not go to her when she needed help. And now here she was, at your doorstep asking for help.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, and your eyes were hiding away the sorrow the memories of Wanda brought. You wished you really hate her, that it wasn't so easy for her to get what she wanted from you.

But you could never see her like this. Sad defeated… without a purpose. Lost.

"God, I'm such a fucking idiot."

"I won't discuss that." Natasha was leaning in against the threshold, you glanced at her through the mirror holding back a smile.

"You know? For shit like this is that everyone thinks we have something?"

You fixed the towel around your body; Natasha rolled her eyes pointing to the door of your room.

"Sorry, you left the door open and I could hear you mopping from the other side of the house."

"I wasn't mopping." You replied defensively.

Natasha snorted falling on your bed, you moved around the room getting dressed while the assassin glared at the ceiling.

"You're going to help her."

"I am"

"Even though you don't know what you're getting into." It was a statement; Natasha couldn't hold the reproach from her tone.

You put a shirt on scratching the back of your neck while leaning against the wall.

"This is what we do, isn't it? Save the day? Help others?" You held Natasha's glare, both of you knew if Wanda came to you looking the way she did you would do anything for her.

"I don't want you to get hurt, malysh." The old nickname made you smile. "I was there the first time, remember?"

Natasha only called you kid when she was really worried about you. You stepped back from the wall laying right beside Natasha.

"I won't I… I won’t say seeing here didn't shake me up but…" You shrugged. "I can't… either way, it is not as if something would happen, Wanda made it quite clear the last time we spoke."

Natasha hesitated remembering all those times in which she would work or talk to Wanda, the many times the witch asked for you trying to get as much information as she could. The times Natasha had seen her cry or play with the pendant you had given her once. That whenever she saw her with Vision there was something so… wrong, something so force that made her think Wanda was just trying to live what she was supposed to.

Natasha really wanted to tell you that you were special, that whether Maximoff admitted it or not… she was in love with you. Always had been.

She didn't say anything, though. You didn't need a glimpse of hope in your heart, not that kind of hope anyway. Last time the break-up had almost destroyed you, and Natasha was not about to let that happen again.

"I talked to Strange." Natasha changed the topic returning her stare to the ceiling. "This is seriously the most fuck up thing I've heard in a while."

"I'm going to tell Rocket you said that and he is going to feel offended."

You chuckled standing up to look for your pants. There was a knock on the door, you turned around waiting Yelena but a shiver went through uour body when your eyes found those of Wanda.

"Uh, sorry I just…" she trailed off, her eyes travelling down your legs to your hips and then to your torso and face, her cheeks turning red just as she turned sharply to the bed where Natasha was resting the weight of her upper body on her elbows.

"You just…?" You broke the silence seeing the change in Wanda's face, the blush leaving her features as a cold, upset stare settle in. "Can I finish getting dress or you gonna talk, Little Witch?"

The nickname rolled out of your mouth as easily as breathing. Wanda opened her eyes at this, her lips twitched up but whatever traces of smile were halted when her eyes fell on the bed, on Natasha then on you. You held yourself opening your eyes before scowling, Wanda made a nervous movement with her hands before stepping back.

"It can wait…" The door closed behind her but the tension was quite palpable.

Natasha turned around giving you a half smile.

"For shit like this is that people think we fuck."

You let out a snort, shaking your head. Your mind fixed on the expression in Wanda's eyes, the blush and the way her eyes had moved, checking you up.

"You were talking about Strange?"

Natasha sat down narrowing her eyes at you, "So we're going to ignore what just happened?"

You turned to glare at her, Natasha rolled her eyes nodding.

"Very well, there was an attack on New York, a creature following a girl."

"America." Natasha nodded

"The creature was being controlled by something else, something that could cast a special kind of magic, so they asked Wanda for help."

You put a hand on your chin, it was strange the whole situation.

"He told me to ask America about the multiverse and said she could explain it better. But long story short, she is not from this world and she doesn't know how to control her powers… whatever or whoever is looking for her…"

"It's doing it because of her ability.".

"Seems that way." Natasha stood up making her way to the door. "Whatever you do, please… be careful."

"I will." Natasha nodded but before she left you caught up with her wrapping your arms around her.

The woman tensed for a moment caught off guard before she settled into the embrace.

"Thank you for everything."

Natasha softened smiling at your words, "No need to, Malysha. Now let's go I'm dying to see what Wanda is going to do and said."

You walked down the corridor leading to your living room, your heart aching inside your heart knowing full well that even with all the pain she had gone through America was right. She would do anything for Wanda, after all this time, she would do it.

But first, she would need to hear the whole story.

______________________________________________________________

Wanda rested her weight against the window, her eyes following the patterns of the twirls of wind and snow dancing in front of her. She hadn’t had a single moment of peace ever since…since forever; Wanda left the world five years ago in a single snap and everything around her changed completely, by the time she was back Vision was long dead and she was alone.

She didn’t even have the time to mourn his death, to think about herself or her own life. She didn’t even have the time to think about…about the things she discovered.

It had been right after the funeral.

The Avengers compound had been empty, not many had returned to such a place after the Blip. The place was empty, almost empty. The voice of Friday had followed Wanda all through the compound, the AI spoke to her about the future of the building and how Tony had started a new plan of reconstruction of the Avengers.

Without meaning to, and really without thinking about it she ended up in your room.

Your former room.

Nothing much had changed inside it.

Tony had a thing for keeping your stuff the way you left it if you ever wanted to go back, you never did but Wanda knew Tony and Natasha had kept the place spotless. From time to time, when the world became too much, and Wanda didn’t know what to do she came here, with time she lost your smell but at least she held onto some of your things.

That day, she didn’t mean to do nothing much but rest.

She took a bath and went to look for some of your old clothes, something she hadn’t dared to do before that moment for fear of anyone discovering she had been there. That she had the need to be there just to hold onto something that had been completely yours.

The walk-in wardrobe was big enough to keep several items, most of them you had taken with you, some others were either forgotten or left intentionally. Wanda felt the weight of the world on her shoulders, moving through the motions she almost fell down on a box she had never noticed before.

It was a small chest.

Made of oak and steel.

Wanda furrowed her brows lifting the object while weighing it in her hands, she picked up one of your old t-shirts and went to your old bed. She put on some clothes before settling on the bed, her curiosity gotten the best of her while with a flicker of her hand the chest clicked open.

The contents on the box broke Wanda completely.

It made her realise whatever she felt for you, was still there. Always there, fresh, and ready to be reignited again.

Inside she found a map, a blueprint and a squared box made of blue velvety material.

Her hands trembled.

Her world crumbled under her then she saw the map when she read the blueprint…when she discovered the ring.

To grow old with. A dog because she always wanted one. A cat because I always wanted one. And two kids…because we want a big family.

That day she had taken everything with her, grabbed the closest car and drove to the town. Westview. And, she couldn’t take it anymore, she gave in until her sorrow and loneliness and regret were too much and she ran away the same way she had done so ten years ago.

The sound of laughter and arguing brought her back to reality.

She lowered her gaze trying to shake away the influx of memories that were threatening to overwhelm her once more. Wanda turned around to see America holding back her laughter, while Yelena tried to understand what had happened while Natasha seemed to be scowling at you. For a brief moment your eyes crossed, Wanda looked away, her hand closing tightly around the ring she had carried with her since that day.

“I can’t believe you left her on the sofa!” Natasha leaned in to help Yelena up, the other Widow glared at you but you merely smiled at her.

“She was wasted, and she needed to rest. It wasn't as if she messed up anything.” You commented, shrugging. “She threw up before we got here.”

“It’s not fair I’m feeling this awful and you’re not.” Yelena drawled her glare intensified when you chuckled approaching America.

“You see? That happens when you take the challenge to outdrink everyone at the bar.” You tried to explain to an amused America. “You don’t do that if you don’t wanna feel like that.”

Natasha rolled her eyes, Yelena straightened up narrowing her eyes at you.

“I thought you guys were going to drink away and forget this meeting.” America raised a brow at you then at Yelena, your smile dropped and this time around Yelena did smirk her eyes went directly to Wanda.

“You see, kid. I went there to drink, but she went there to make up with a hot milf.” Yelena saw with growing satisfaction the glint of hurt crossing Wanda’s green eyes.

You stiffened shaking your head in disbelief, though there was a hint of a smile on your lips.

“You’re just envious because I got a kiss.”

“As if…

“Okay, you two, stop it.” Natasha sent a scowl to Yelena pointing to the other side of the house. “You, take a bath, have something to eat and we will wait for you in the conference room. And you, stop stalling.”

You winced nodding your head, your attention went from America who seemed highly amused still to Wanda who had her eyes on some spot outside the window.

“Very well, then let me show you around.”

The house had been an abandoned cot when you first saw it. It was far enough from everyone that you could keep running away from your past, but still close enough to action that you could go around and assist those who needed you. It took you some time, and help but in the end you built up an operations base to help those who were in serious need of help after the Sokovia Accords. The lighthouse had been a great addition, and you had enjoyed working around the place until it became what it was at the moment.

A new beginning.

The house had two levels, the one everyone knew and the one where the main action used to happen. You walked ahead of Wanda, America by your side while Natasha followed you three close behind.

"It was difficult at the beginning; I have to work around security and for that I have to make some sacrifices." It was quite evident by your tone of voice that the topic had been painful.

America scrunched her nose, "what do you mean?"

"Well, I'm good with programming, Tony taught me well." You puffed out your chest, it was one of the things you were most proud of. "But I am not infallible, Vision however had enough in his system to help around the network."

"What?"

Wanda jerked around with a frown in place, her eyes wide open in disbelief. You turned around, confused at her reaction.

"Vision helped with the system." You repeated tilting your head, "you didn't know?"

Wanda stood there with disbelief filling up her mind, Vision had never mentioned you. Not even after she begged him to find out news about you, whatever information she got of you and your whereabouts had been through Clint and Steve.

"He never… I…" Wanda started but you just resumed your walking towards the closest door shrugging.

"If I had been important, perhaps he would have mentioned me." There was a hint of bitterness in your voice, America observed yours and Wanda's reaction while filing away this new piece of information.

"You are important." Wanda whispered with an unreadable expression on her.

You snorted, opening the door and letting them go inside.

"Of course, I am, you told me yourself, Wanda." Your voice cold and emotionless made Wanda winced. "You came here because you need to use me again, this time around though without any tricks, or misleads."

And with that you entered the conference room moving past Wanda, a heavy weight on your heart and a mind filled with regrets and yearning, that day promised to be a long one.

______________________________________________________________

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