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mysterious-moonstruck-musings · 5 months

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Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 27

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo X OFC

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives.

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Warnings: Discussions about intimate partner violence, suicidal ideation, mental health struggles, drug abuse, and alcohol abuse.

Chapter Quote: "I got to snuggle some baby goats."

It took everything in me to hold back the sob that threatened to escape the instant I heard Dieter’s voice. I momentarily placed my hand over my mouth to hold it in and compose myself. I let out a shaky breath as I tried to find my voice.

“Dieter?”

I could hear his stuttered breathing on the other end of the line. He sounded like he was battling with his emotions too.

He cleared his throat, “Yeah… it’s me.”

I sighed loudly into the phone as the tears started to slide down my face. I felt like my brain had completely shut down on me, unsure of what to say but also feeling the urge to say everything all at once. It was so overwhelming but also awkward since we had not talked in so long. There were still so many things up in the air between us.

“How’ve you been?” He asked, sounding unsure of himself. I felt like he didn’t know what to say either.

I sniffed loudly as I wiped at my face, “Umm, I’ve been ok. How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling good. Normal, I think…then again…I’m not sure I really know what normal is,” we both laughed nervously.

“I’m feeling better than I have in a long time. I can confidently say that at least,” he added.

I smiled. It was nice to know that he was feeling better. It helped dampen some of the worry I had been feeling.

“How are things going, otherwise?”

“Well, I got to snuggle some baby goats during group therapy this morning. I kinda want one now.” He sounded unabashed about this revelation.

“Of course you do,” I said in response, shaking my head and chuckling at the thought.

“I gotta new roommate two weeks ago…Gordon is his name. He’s an interesting guy…he uhhh…” he stifled a laugh before continuing. “He said he came here because the wall outlets were talking to him. Like, full conversations. They finally stopped after he got his meds sorted out. Made me feel a little better about my issues.”

I was a little dumbfounded, “Ummm, I’m not sure if I should laugh about that or not…” Dieter snickered, “He jokes about it now, so I think it’s ok.”

It felt good to hear him laughing again. I had missed that sound more than I realized. I really missed his voice in general. He sounded different. Better, lighter almost. It was a sound I wanted to commit to memory.

“Umm…so Gabby said you didn’t take that job offer?” His nervousness had returned with that question.

“No, I turned it down.” I started rubbing at my shoulder with my free hand as I moved to sit down at the kitchen table.

“Why? It sounded like an amazing opportunity”

I sighed, now rubbing at the crease between my brows, “It was, but it’s not where I wanted to be or what I wanted to do. I would’ve had to give up too much and I don’t feel like I’m in the right headspace to do that.”

“I hope it wasn’t because of me…”

“No. I mean, I guess I can’t say no. You’re part of it…but my life is here. I can’t leave Lauren or even Gabby and Alex at this point. We’ve all gotten so close. And like I said, I’m not in the right headspace for that. I would’ve been spending a lotta time alone and I don’t wanna do that right now. It just wasn’t where I felt like I should be. I didn’t feel any kind of excitement over it at all, so I turned it down”

I suddenly felt vulnerable revealing that to him, questioning if I should have. I didn’t want him to worry about me when he needed to be focusing on himself.

“Are you sure you’re doing ok?” He asked quietly.

“Yeah, I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me, I promise. I’m just…I-” I huffed, shaking my head. I wasn’t sure if it was ok to finish that thought. I didn’t want to make any assumptions about how he was feeling or make an ass of myself.

I heard him chuckle quietly over my flustered response, “I miss you too.”

I was instantly calmed by his words, my anxiety about where we stood easing some. I let out a shy laugh at his declaration, tears still running down my face as I sniffled out, “You do?”

“Of course, I do, so fucking much… I - I’m sorry I haven't called you. I wanted to make sure I had a clear head when I did, and then I didn’t really know what to say after everything that happened.”

I heard him inhale sharply before he spoke up again, there was a tapping noise, like he was drumming his fingers against something.

“Listen, I’ve only got a few minutes left before they cut me off for today, but the reason I called…”

He paused, clearing his throat nervously, “Umm, so I wanted to see if you would be willing to come here and do a session with my psychiatrist and me…”

“Of course, when?”

“Whenever you can. Just uhh, call my case worker and she’ll get it scheduled.”

I could hear him shuffle around before he started cursing under his breath.

“Well, I was gonna give you the number but now I can’t find it...Gabby should have it.”

I couldn’t help but to snigger at him. He was still a little bit of a hot mess, which I loved about him.

He followed up with an exasperated “sorry” about not being able to find the number before he let out a quiet laugh at himself. It felt like part of it was his nervousness too.

“I’ll text her to get it as soon as we hang up and I’ll call immediately.”

I could hear him sigh in relief before a beeping noise broke into our conversation with an automated message giving a one minute warning.

“I’ll be there tomorrow if they’ll let me…or at least as soon as they’ll let me,” I said in a rush. Suddenly feeling the pressure of our limited time. I still felt like I had so many things to say to him.

“I would like that. I…I really can’t wait to see you…”

His words trailed off, shaking slightly as he was hit with another wave of emotions.

“I can’t wait to see you either,” I replied with a quivering voice.

After a moment of silence, there was a clicking sound as the line disconnected. I held the phone against my forehead, trying to get my breathing back to normal. Once I was able to focus my thoughts, I sent a quick text to Gabby to let her know that Dieter had called and that I needed the number for his case worker. I half expected her to call me, but thankfully she didn’t. She replied back quickly with the number and that she was happy he finally reached out. She followed that message up with another asking me if I was ok and if I needed to talk about it. I appreciated her offer, but I was good for now and let her know as much. Once I finished texting with Gabby, I dialed the number for the case worker, suddenly feeling nervousness forming in the pit of my stomach.

“Sanctuary Hills, this is Sharon,” the polite, yet comforting voice answered.

“Hi Sharon, this is Natalia Cohen…” She cut in before I could continue.

“Oh, Talia, hi. I’ve been expecting your call. Dieter told me he was going to be calling you.”

I let out a nervous laugh, slightly taken aback by the familiarity in which she said my name. It made me wonder how much he had talked about me.

“I assume you’re calling about an appointment for a family session?”

I didn’t know why, but it stirred something in me when she called it a family session. Technically, I wasn’t his family, but they were treating me as if I were. I could feel the tears prickling at my eyes again as I exhaled out a breathy “yes” in response.

“That’s wonderful news, I know he’ll be overjoyed to see you.” I could hear the smile in her voice

“I can’t wait to see him either,” I replied, still trying to keep the emotions out of my words.

“Alright, let me have a look at the schedule. Dr. Rosenberg did ask that you be prepared to be available for at least a week for additional sessions, if possible.”

“Additional sessions?” I was confused. I couldn’t recall if the same thing had been asked of Gabby, which caused my anxiety to flare.

“Don’t worry, it’s perfectly normal for that to happen. It’s mostly educational sessions for family members if they’re willing to participate.”

“Oh, ok. That doesn’t sound so bad.” I laughed nervously.

“When would you like to come in?” she asked with a calming tone.

“As soon as you can get me in is preferable.” I started tapping on the table as I waited for options, listening to the clicking of a keyboard on her end.

“How about 10 AM the day after tomorrow?”

“I’ll take it,” I said a little too eagerly. The anticipation of seeing Dieter again was starting to get to me.

“I have it scheduled. In case you do end up staying for additional sessions, we have apartments on site for patient families. So, you won’t have to worry about lodging. We don’t want you stressing about that while you’re here.”

“Oh, that’s…nice. Thanks for letting me know.”

“When you arrive for your session, come in the north entrance with the blue awning and they'll get you checked in. It’s a different entrance than where you would have come in before.”

I thanked her and our conversation ended soon after that. Afterwards, I sat staring out the kitchen window, feeling the anxiousness settle into my gut. Not knowing what to expect was always the worst for me. It was like that call had started a countdown, to what, I wasn’t sure. I could only hope the end result would be something positive.

The morning of our session, I had a ridiculously early flight so that I could be there in time. I decided to keep things simple with minimal makeup, a messy bun, sunglasses, sneakers, skinny jeans, and one of Dieter’s button up dress shirts with the sleeves rolled up. I had raided his closet while I was at his house cleaning up. It was something small, but being wrapped in his scent or wearing something that belonged to him brought me some comfort during my time without him. His clothing quickly became a staple in my casual attire.

I was so anxious about seeing Dieter again that the flight didn’t faze me like it normally would have. Though it was an hour and a half, it seemed much quicker as the minutes continued to count down and the distance between us shortened. I could feel myself getting more worked up the closer I got. By the time I acquired the rental car and was on the road to the facility, my chest was heavy. Breathing was getting harder with each mile that passed.

When I pulled into the parking lot, I could feel my heart pounding in my ears. I sat gripping the steering wheel tightly in both hands and taking deep breaths. I wasn’t even sure why I was so nervous, it’s not like I knew what Dieter was planning to talk to me about. However, deep down I had a fear, though most likely irrational, that he was going to realize he didn’t really want to be with me after this. I wasn’t sure if I could handle that a second time if it were to happen. Without permission, the tears started to streak down my cheeks, and I felt like I was going to be sick.

After a few more deep breaths, I slammed my fist down on the stop of the steering wheel out of frustration, “Fucking hell, get it together Talia.”

My head dropped back onto the headrest as I squeezed my eyes shut, still taking deep controlled breaths. After several minutes passed, I let out a slow exhale before opening my eyes. Feeling more relaxed, I did a quick check in the mirror to make sure I didn’t look like a complete mess before exiting the vehicle to go inside.

I was starting to have an out of body feeling as I went through the check in process. I couldn’t really remember walking to the building or anything the lady behind the desk had just said to me as I sat down in the lobby to wait. After a few minutes, one of the receptionists called my name and led me through a secure door down a long hallway. We passed several offices that had glass inserts in the doors with shades. Most of the shades were pulled closed, however, I noticed one was open. As I approached, I glanced inside and was met with a familiar figure sitting in a high backed desk chair in the middle of the room with his head leaned back and eyes closed as he spun back and forth, his legs bouncing ever so often. He was sitting on the opposite side of a desk from a woman who was possibly in her fifties, with graying hair and a kind face. Though, she did have a slightly overwhelmed look about her as her eyes met mine through the glass.

I stopped briefly, watching him wave his hands animatedly as he talked incessantly, never raising his head or opening his eyes. I felt a small smirk sneak across my face. He was nervous too. I could tell. My eyes flicked back to the woman, who was watching me watch him with a soft smile on her face.

My attention was pulled away by the receptionist, who was now at my side waiting for me to continue following her.

“He’s been driving us all crazy this morning. I think poor Sharon is getting the worst of it. He’s beyond excited that you’re here today.”

I chuckled at the thought before continuing down the hallway. I was led into a spacious office. It was modern and white with floor to ceiling windows on one side with nothing in sight but nature. All the furnishings were earth tones of brown and deep reds and oranges. I noticed there were a lot of plants filling the space, which added a homey feeling, in a strange sort of way. It also struck me how there were different seating areas on either side of the room. One had a small couch and cushy chair positioned in front of it, while the other had four cushy chairs sitting closely together in a circle. Each of the seats were adorned with soft looking pillows in various shades matching the space. There was a traditional desk setup in the center of the room with two chairs placed in front of it. Each area felt carefully designed to meet specific needs.

Moments after entering the room, I was greeted by Dr. Rosenberg who first shook my hand, then pulled me in for a loose hug.

“Talia, it’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you the last couple of months.”

It took me by surprise, though I felt like it shouldn’t have. There was a certain familiarity and kindness that everyone seemed to have toward me. Everyone had been very warm and welcoming thus far. It was comforting to know this was the type of environment that Dieter had been in.

I gave her a tight lipped smile as she led me over to sit in one of the four chairs in a circle. To my surprise, the chair spun slightly as I sat in it. Dr. Rosenberg turned hers to face me directly, so I did the same with mine. I had managed to stay composed thus far, but my nervousness was starting to show as I reached up and rubbed at my shoulder. The psychiatrist was silent for a moment as she watched my movements. I stopped, sat up straight and placed both hands on top of my crossed legs to keep from fidgeting.

I’m not sure why, but I felt the need to appear like I had my shit together. I took a minute to study her as she gave me a soft smile while she continued to get settled, grabbing a notepad, file folder, pen, and glasses from the small table next to her seat. She was probably in her early fifties, maybe late forties. Her long blonde hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, and she was dressed in business casual attire. I could tell she wanted to appear professional, but not uninviting. She was also definitely looking at my body language very closely, which was making me feel antsy. My therapist used to do that, and I hated it. I mentally smacked myself over my thoughts. I was already putting up walls and we hadn’t even started talking yet.

“Well, it’s been an exciting morning around here. Dieter is definitely happy you’re here. He was asked to leave his group session this morning because he couldn't focus. He’s been bugging poor Sharon ever since.” She laughed and smiled affectionately at her words.

She was trying to get me to relax. I knew that I looked too tense. I let out a breathy laugh as I sat back further in the seat, trying to appear less uptight, but I didn't think it was working. She gave me a sympathetic look suddenly, “You’re nervous to see him.”

It wasn’t a question. Looking down at my hands, I chuckled to myself briefly before clearing my throat to speak, “Yeah, I guess I am. I just…don’t know what to expect.”

“That’s a perfectly normal feeling. It’s not unusual for family members to worry if their loved one is going to be different after treatment. Is that some of what you’re feeling?”

Her question took me by surprise, “Ummm, maybe. Sort of...maybe not so much about him being different…more about him feeling differently.”

She nodded, “I understand. I can’t say that he won’t be different. His personality may present differently, more calm, less emotional or moody. He will feel differently in that he won’t be cycling from one extreme to the other, emotionally. As far as how he feels ABOUT things, that isn’t going to change just because he’s stabilized. Does that make sense?”

I gave a tight nod, “Yeah, it does.” It didn’t do anything to ease my anxiety though because I still didn’t know how he really felt about us. She eyed me for a second before continuing.

“So, I’ll fill you in on my plan for today. First, you and I are going to chat about Dieter’s diagnosis. Once we’re done, I’m going to bring him in for the session. After that, you and I will have a follow-up meeting to discuss the path forward. Does that sound ok to you?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” I started to chew on my bottom lip while she flipped through the file in her hand.

“Great. Just so you’re aware, Dieter signed release forms for you to have access to his medical and treatment information. Nothing is off the table, so if you have questions, ask. He made it clear to me that he wants you to know everything and wants you involved as much as you want to be.”

I paused briefly, shocked by that information. I exhaled the breath I didn’t realize I was holding, “Ok...I wasn’t expecting that.”

She smiled before continuing, “Alright, let’s get to it then?” She raised her brows at me, asking permission to proceed. I motioned with my hand to continue.

“So, he’s been formally diagnosed with mixed episode Bipolar I Disorder (BD). In simple terms, bipolar disorder is when someone experiences extreme behavioral or mood changes. The extreme highs are called manic episodes, and lows are episodes of depression. Most people with BD go through highs and lows over an extended period of time. Someone with mixed episodes, like Dieter has, tend to experience both highs and lows simultaneously or in a rapid sequence with no recovery time.”

She paused, giving me a minute to digest her words. I couldn’t say I was surprised by the diagnosis, it actually made a lot of his behavior make sense. When I didn’t speak up, she continued.

“I think what happened with Dieter…he was put on a lot of medication. Antidepressants in particular can be very tricky for someone with BD. It can cause an increased risk of mood destabilization when the antidepressants are not taken with a mood stabilizer. He was on pretty much everything but a mood stabilizer. You add that in with not sleeping, not eating, drinking, anxiety, and episode triggers…it’s a recipe for disaster. Sometimes being improperly medicated like that can trigger suicidal ideation and even psychosis. Honestly, he was fighting a losing battle.”

I leaned forward in my seat, placing my elbows on my knees while I rubbed at my face. I felt anger bubbling in my chest.

“Why didn’t his therapists or doctors catch what was happening?”

“One reason…lack of experience. BD is also incredibly hard to diagnose because it shares symptoms with so many other more common disorders like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and ADHD, which is what he was being treated for. That’s not to say he doesn’t have those things as well, but if he does, we need to take a different treatment approach.”

I sighed, shaking my head in disbelief. “Wow, that actually kind of blows my mind.”

“I know… and I’m surprised that no one thought to look into it, given his family history. It can be hereditary, and BD does have a high suicide rate. Given what happened with his mother, it should’ve been considered. Also, the fact that he experienced trauma in dealing with that incident...trauma often causes the onset of symptoms.”

I sighed heavily as the tears started to pool in my eyes, “This actually…kind of pisses me off that he had to go through all of this needlessly. He fucking hated taking that stuff because of the way it made him feel.”

“That brings me to my next topic...It's been hard to get a baseline with him. I feel like a lot of the things he was experiencing were side effects from all the medications he was on. I can’t really rely on his history before he started the medication because he was using recreational and prescription drugs and drinking heavily to self medicate, which could have been making things worse for him during that time as well.” She paused briefly to gauge my reaction, “I assume you knew about his past substance abuse issues?”

“Yeah, he’s mentioned it…What does all that mean?”

“Well, it’s hard to know exactly what his actual symptoms are right now. So, to start, I’m doing the bare minimum. I’ve started him out on a low dose mood stabilizer called divalproex sodium. It’s actually…an anticonvulsant that’s normally used to treat seizures rather than a typical mood stabilizer like lithium.”

I drew my brows down together in confusion, “Why a seizure medication?”

“That medication increases the amount of a chemical called gamma-aminobutyric acid in the brain. It works to block certain transmissions across the nerves in the brain and creates sort of an overall calming effect. That particular medication often works best for patients that have mixed or rapid cycling episodes. Lithium typically doesn’t get the job done in those instances. He seems to be doing well on it so far. We’ll give it a few more months to make sure everything else is out of his system and reevaluate.”

“So, he went from taking half the pharmacy…to one thing?”

“He did. He seems pretty set on limiting the medications as much as possible. He’s been spending a lot of his time doing cognitive behavioral therapy, interpersonal and social rhythm therapy, and psychoeducation to help him manage his symptoms and learn about triggers and that sort of thing. He’s been very invested in it, and it seems to be helping.”

I sighed, starting to feel overwhelmed, “I don’t know what all of that is. I mean, I know cognitive behavioral therapy but…” I shook my head in confusion.

“No worries, if you decide to continue with the family education sessions you’ll learn about that stuff. I know it’s a lot to take in...”

“Yeah, it is, but I’m happy that he’s hopefully on the right track now.” I took a couple of deep breaths to try and relax some as I continued to process things.

“One last thing before I bring Dieter in...I know you two were no longer together before his hospitalization and you haven’t really had a chance to work things out. His preference is to stay with you when he leaves treatment. I do want to be able to manage his expectations if that isn’t going to be the case. I don’t want you to feel like you have to allow that if you aren’t ready to take all this on. I want you to know that you can say no.”

I was taken aback at her directness, but also appreciated it. I actually felt like I was warming up to her some and feeling more comfortable with opening up to her. I didn’t hesitate with my response, if anything, I said it with conviction, looking directly into her eyes as I spoke.

“There’s no question in my mind about him coming home with me so long as he wants to. I’ve known from the start that he was struggling with his mental health, and I promised to support him through it. A new diagnosis doesn’t change anything for me. I’m all in for this.”

Dr. Rosenberg gave me a warm smile, clearly satisfied with my response. “Now I see why he says you can be a force to be reckoned with.”

My eyebrows shot up at her words as she again took me by surprise, “Dieter said that?” I chuckled at the thought as I leaned back in my seat, surprised that was the wording he chose.

“He’s said a lot of things about you, all positive, of course.” She laughed quietly to herself as she set her glasses on the table. As she stood, she announced she was going to go get him for our joint sessions.

After Dr. Rosenberg disappeared out the door, I could feel my anxiety returning. My chest was starting to tighten again as my heart beat a mile a minute. Instinctively, my right hand moved to rub at my shoulder. Was he going to be upset about how easily I gave up on us? I didn’t know how he couldn’t be. It didn’t sound like he was planning to end things for good even though that thought kept crossing my mind. It was clearly my pessimism and self-doubt seeping in. The thought of being completely open and vulnerable in this setting was making things worse too. I wasn’t a fan of having an audience, but I needed to get over that and not build up my walls right now. I propped my arm on the rest of the chair and started to rub at my forehead as my leg began to bounce. I couldn’t make myself stop the fidgeting no matter how hard I tried.

After several minutes passed, Dr. Rosenberg returned with Dieter following behind her. His head was down, clenching and unclenching his hands as he walked. As he approached me, he finally looked my way through his lashes. He gave me a small smile that widened as his eyes dropped down to my shirt, obviously noticing I was wearing one of his. I gave him a shy smile in return. He sat down in the chair directly in front of me as Dr. Rosenberg returned to her earlier spot.

It was clear he was nervous by the way he couldn’t keep his hands still and how the heel of his croc kept bouncing off the tiled floor. He would only occasionally glance in my direction as we waited for Dr. Rosenberg to get settled again. I took the opportunity to study his appearance. He looked so much better compared to the last time I had seen him. His light gray t-shirt was no longer loose looking around his fit torso. His pale skin had been replaced with a golden tan. His hair was longer and as wild as ever, framing his scruffy and patchy beard. His chocolate brown eyes looked clearer than I had ever seen them and were filled with nervousness and anticipation.

Once Dr. Rosenberg was ready to start, she filled Dieter in on what she had discussed with me about his diagnosis. She then encouraged him to take the lead going forward and discuss the things he wanted to speak with me about. He rubbed his hands together nervously, briefly chewing on his bottom lip before he met my gaze to speak.

“So, you’re…ok with that diagnosis?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. I wasn’t sure what he meant and gave him a confused look. “Like, it doesn’t freak you out or anything? I know it’s a lot to deal with.”

“Dieter, the diagnosis doesn’t change anything. You’re still you. Why would it bother me?”

“I dunno, I’m just afraid that at some point you’re gonna realize how big of a mess I am and run away from it all,” he said sheepishly.

I chuckled, leaning forward in the seat with a teasing smile, “I realized how big of a mess you were a long time ago.” He scratched at his chin as a smirk formed on his lips.

“Besides, I’m pretty sure I’ve already seen the worst of it and I’m still here. My feelings for you haven’t changed. You don’t have to worry about that from me.”

His eyes turned glassy at my words as he pinched his brows together, looking downward at his hands in his lap.

“I don’t deserve you, not after the way I treated you…the things I said. I was such an asshole to you.”

I bit at my bottom lip, shaking my head before speaking, “None of that matters to me. I know you weren’t completely yourself when you said those things.”

“No, I wasn’t but I still knew what I was doing and saying. I apparently tend to self-sabotage things. Some of the things I said, using your past against you, I knew it would hurt you. I wanted the words to hurt so you would let me go. I knew you wouldn’t otherwise.”

“Why though? I don’t understand why you felt the need to end things to begin with. Why was I a burden to you?”

His eyes widened at my question, brows shooting upward as he shook his head from side to side, “No, no you weren’t the burden…I was. I’m sorry I made you think that. I know the night I called, I wasn’t making a lot of sense. I…I hadn’t slept in days, and I was such a fucking mess.”

He licked his bottom lip and chewed at it for a second before continuing, “I could see how you were having to completely change everything about your life to accommodate me and my work just for us to be together. I knew it was eventually gonna be a problem and cause you stress because it was affecting your job. I didn’t wanna ruin your life that way. You shouldn’t have to cater your life to mine, it’s not fair. I love you too much to do that to you.”

“Dieter, it wasn’t always gonna be like that. It just happened to be shitty circumstances caused by the remote location. If we hadn't been in the middle of nowhere, I could’ve worked without issue. We just weren’t prepared for the challenges that came up. This is a learning experience for both of us. We’ll know better for next time so I can plan accordingly…and it wasn’t like you weren’t making changes to meet me halfway.”

He couldn’t argue with that. He sighed as he leaned back in his seat, nodding in agreement.

“I know that now, I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly…obviously. It all made sense at the time.” He rolled his eyes, frustrated with his behavior. He took a deep breath before continuing.

“It was more than that though, I knew I was spiraling out of control. I could fucking feel it happening and didn’t know how to make it stop. I didn’t wanna tell you what was going on because I didn’t want you to worry. I knew you would drop everything and fly back to Canada to be with me.”

“You’re damn right I would’ve… and I should’ve done that anyway.” I could feel my emotions catching up to me, my eyes filling with tears as I looked down away from him.

“I fucking knew it…in my gut that something was wrong, and I did nothing. If I had just done it…came up there anyway, this probably would’ve gone differently. I could’ve helped you through it, but no…I was a fucking coward. I gave up because I was selfish and wanted to protect myself. I didn’t even try because I was too afraid that I would end up in a dark place again if you didn’t want me to be there with you.”

The tears were streaking down my cheeks by this point. I couldn’t hold them back anymore. I had so much anger for myself that it was making me feel sick. Dieter stood from his seat, closing the few feet between us, then got down on his knees on the floor in front of me. He moved to grab my hands in my lap, but hesitated. I reached up and grabbed his in response.

“I’m sorry I put you in the position to even have to think that. It should’ve never happened. I should’ve been communicating everything with you instead of pushing you away. This whole fucking mess is my fault…I wanted to reach out so many times after that… to try and fix it, but you seemed like you were doing ok so I didn’t want to upset you again.”

The tears were streaming down his face now as he took a minute to try and compose himself.

“I thought I could move on and just deal with things the way I used to…by numbing the pain. That’s when I started drinking heavily again. Then I saw you at the restaurant, and you looked so fucking amazing…and I was such a dick. I was so angry with myself for that. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I had everything and fucked it up. My behavior after that night was reckless. There are days I can’t even remember because I was drinking so much. I just wanted to not think about it anymore.”

He pulled his hands away, looking down at the floor before wiping at his face. When he raised his head again, the pain in his eyes nearly made my heart stop. I reached out to cup his cheek, but he leaned away, seeming to need space.

“The night that video of you was posted online…several people sent it to me. I didn’t watch it at first because I didn’t think it would mean anything…but when I finally did…”

He put his hand over his mouth, letting out a quiet sob, before continuing.

“I could see how bad you were hurting…how bad I hurt you. What I did to you…I hated myself for it because you didn’t deserve that. It also reminded me of what I was missing out on because of how beautiful you sounded and looked…and that fucking song.”

He paused for a minute, shaking his head. He sniffled and wiped at his face again before continuing.

“I stayed up all night, watching it on a loop on the tv. I almost called you then, but stopped myself. I drank until I had nothing left instead. Then, when I ran into you the next morning, I could see how fucking broken you were. The way you looked at me…it fucking crushed me. I bought more alcohol and went back to the house. I don’t really remember much after that.”

He shook his head for a moment, pausing to take a few deep breaths, wiping at his face again.

“I don’t even remember calling you…and…even after everything I did, you still came to me. You could’ve easily told me to fuck off and I would’ve deserved it, but you didn’t. I know I wouldn’t be here right now if you hadn’t. You saved my life…I feel like you’ve been doing that ever since New York. When I say you’re my light in the darkness, I fucking mean it.”

I started sobbing into my hands. I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I felt his fingers wrap around my wrist, pulling my hands around his neck as he moved to hug me. We sat there in an embrace for some time before I started mumbling into his shoulder.

“I was so afraid you were gonna hate me for giving up on you so easily. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder. Just know that it had nothing to do with you…I clearly still need to work on my own shit.”

He hugged me a little tighter as he buried his fingers in the back of my hair, “That thought never crossed my mind. Don’t even worry about it anymore.”

He finally pulled back, wiping the tears away from my cheeks with his thumbs as he did so. We gave each other tight smiles as we locked eyes. He turned away, toward Dr. Rosenberg, who I had completely forgotten was in the room, and asked for some tissues. She picked up the box from her small table and handed it to him as he stood. He handed me several and took some for himself before handing the box back to her. She motioned for him to have a seat. As she turned to set the box back on the table, I noticed she was looking a little glassy eyed too.

We all sat in silence as her eyes shifted between us. Dieter and I glanced at each other, confusion on our faces as we looked back toward her. She chuckled before she spoke.

“I’m not even sure why I’m here. This is literally the first family session ever where I didn’t have to intervene or lead a conversation. You two don’t seem to have any problems communicating, so I’m not sure how you ended up where you were.”

We both smiled widely at her, surprised and appreciative of her honesty. Dieter spoke up with a chuckle.

“I think between my fucked up brain and the distance…it didn’t do us any favors. We’re always at our best when we’re physically together, I think. Everything goes to hell when we aren’t. Clearly that is something I need to work on.”

Dr. Rosenberg nodded in agreement, “Well, I hate to separate you two again, but we are running short on time, and I want to have a chat with Talia about the plans going forward. Dieter, I’m pretty sure you have another group session coming up so you better head that way. You think you can focus enough for this one?”

She raised an eyebrow in his direction as he laughed and nodded. He stood, quickly shuffling over to lean down and give me a hug before exiting the room.

Dr. Rosenberg wasted no time getting back to business, “Talia, part of his treatment is making sure he has the support he needs when he gets home. That’s why we offer support to caretakers as well, because technically, you will be his caretaker as the only other person in the household with him.”

I knitted my brows together, confused about where this conversation was going.

“I’m not going to pretend that I don’t know you have a traumatic history because Dieter has mentioned a few things. I don’t know the details, and I get the sense he doesn’t know it all either. I feel like whatever happened with your ex-husband is still affecting you. Is the dark place you mentioned something that you would be willing to talk to me about? Anything you tell me about yourself is confidential, just so you know.”

I sighed heavily as I ran both hands over my face, “So you picked up on that, huh?” I laughed nervously under her gaze.

“You’re right, I haven’t told him everything. I keep telling myself I’ve moved past it, but after the last few months, I’ve realized that I just locked it away and pretended it didn’t exist. I tend to do that with a lot of things.” She gave me an encouraging smile, clearly picking up on my hesitation as I paused to gather my thoughts.

“So, the last few years of my marriage, I started drinking heavily after finding no way out of the hell I was living in. The constant mental and psychological abuse was wearing me down, especially after I realized what was happening. When I tried to talk to Justin about a divorce, he would just tell me there was no way out because he wasn’t ready to give me up.” I paused briefly… focusing on something outside through the window. “I uhh, came home early from work one day and found him with another woman that he worked with. He of course said it was my fault, because I wasn’t giving him what he needed in the marriage. I knew what he was doing…and I was determined not to let it go because I felt I had a legitimate reason to end things at that point. I TOLD him I was leaving. I was done asking. When I started packing a bag, he hit me. The first time ever. I mean, he had shoved me around some, but never hit me across the face like that. He told me there was no leaving… that he would just find me and bring me home. Said no one would believe me or help because all of OUR friends knew how I was.”

“Talia, what did saying that out loud just now make you feel?”

My eyes drifted over to meet hers, “I don’t really feel anything.”

She arched a brow, “That’s because you're dissociating. I want you to focus on me as you speak and feel what you’re saying.”

Fuck. She wasn’t going to let me cheat my way through this like my therapist did. I pinched my brows together as my eyes teared up again. I had to face this. I closed my eyes briefly, exhaling slowly. When I opened them and met her gaze, she nodded for me to continue.

“He wasn’t wrong. I didn’t really have anyone to turn to. He made sure of that. He left after our argument, said he was going out with the guys. I doubt that’s where he went though. As soon as he left, I started drinking. I remember…feeling lost and pretty fucking hopeless after that. I couldn’t believe he hit me, and I was scared it would happen again. I never saw myself as someone who lets their husband abuse them…I felt disgusted over it. I must have drank a lot…because I can’t remember the rest of that night. I - I woke up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. I guess when he came home, he found me passed out in my own vomit.”

I started tapping on the arm of the chair as the tightness in my chest returned. The tears trickled out again.

“When Justin finally came to see me, I told him that I was done. If he didn’t let me go, I was gonna find a way out…one way or another and I would make sure everyone knew it was his fault. Given that I had just put myself in the hospital, he took me at my word and agreed on a divorce. I guess he was afraid of what I would do.”

“What did you mean by that?”

I gave a half smile, “I honestly don’t know. I wonder that myself…what I was capable of. If I could’ve done anything.”

“What happened after you both agreed to the divorce?”

“Well, when I was still in the hospital, I reached out to one of my best friends that I grew up with, Lauren. We had kept in touch, even though I actively worked to put up a wall between us so she wouldn’t know what was really going on in my life because I was so embarrassed over it. She didn’t hesitate…she was at the hospital within the hour, and I told her everything. I stayed with her for a few weeks until I got my life sorted out. I don’t think I would have been able to do it without her. Of course, Justin continued to torment me by dragging out the divorce for over a year. It got pretty nasty.”

“What effects do you feel like that experience had on you?” She asked quietly.

“Experience.” I chuckled. “I didn’t realize twelve years of hell could be considered an experience.”

She gave me a sympathetic look before I continued, “I mean, I lost myself. I didn’t know who I was. I was who he wanted me to be. After I left him, he was still in my head with everything I did. What I was wearing, how I fixed my hair and makeup, things I said. I couldn’t do some of the simplest things without hearing his voice telling me I was doing something wrong and having a fucking panic attack over it. I couldn’t make decisions…and yes, I would still drink to numb my feelings and calm myself down. Only this time, I knew exactly how much I could drink without taking it too far.”

“Are those things still an issue for you now?”

I shook my head, “No, I mean, I did all the cognitive behavioral therapy and the sessions. I eventually got to a point where the negative thoughts stopped. I think Dieter had a lot to do with that…he kind of helped me see myself in a different light…but I do still have anxiety sometimes and I think I’ve reverted back to ignoring my feelings… compartmentalizing everything and pretending it’s not there. Throwing myself into work and staying busy to keep my mind occupied. I’ve been doing that instead of drinking the feelings away.”

Dr. Rosenberg leaned forward, placing her elbow on her knee with a pensive look on her face.

“Talia…would you be willing to stay for the next three weeks to work through some of this with me? It would be outpatient treatment…a couple hours a day. You can stay in one of our apartments.”

I sucked in a quick breath. I certainly wasn’t expecting this, but at the same time, I almost felt relieved. My gut told me I needed it and I knew I couldn’t go on the way I had been because I was eventually going to self-destruct if I didn’t take better care of myself. I knew I couldn’t fully be there for Dieter if I was still battling with myself. I sat staring at my hands as I thought through the offer. I could still work remotely, so that wouldn’t be an issue. I raised my head to meet her eyes, “Will Dieter know what I’m doing?”

“Only if you want him to.”

“I don’t want to saddle him with my shit right now…I don’t wanna mess him up.”

“Honestly, I think he’s stable at this point. I think he could handle whatever you wanted to share with him. If you wanted, we could even do some more joint sessions, or he can just be there for support if you want him to be. It’s all up to you really.”

“What would you do?” I asked, letting out a stuttered breath with my question. She took a minute to consider her response, biting on the inside of her cheek as she did so.

“I don’t think it would be bad if you shared everything with him. The more open you are with one another, the better. Communication is going to be a huge factor in keeping your relationship healthy and happy. At least if he knows what’s going on he can support you, just like you support him. Also, if he needs help processing through things, we can help him with that while he’s here…but again, it’s your decision.”

“Yeah, I mean he knows most of it anyway…Alright, I’ll do it. I’ll stay and I want him involved.”

She gave me a bright smile, “I’m actually really happy to hear that. I think this will allow you to build a solid foundation going forward. I’m excited for your future together. I can tell that you both care deeply for each other and I really want your time here to be successful.”

I gave her thanks for the opportunity she was giving me. I’ve known for a while that I had things that I needed to work on but didn't really know where to start. The fact that Dieter seemed so at ease with her and was doing so well gave me some comfort and the courage to jump in head first.

The next three weeks were a whirlwind of educational sessions to help me learn about bipolar disorder; the triggers, coping strategies, and lifestyle changes to minimize stress. I even had an opportunity to learn more about Dieter’s medication and possible interactions and side effects so I would be able to spot them. He had asked that I be involved with his Interpersonal and Social Rhythm therapy, which was designed to help him build a daily routine of healthy habits to manage his moods. Given his job, sometimes a routine was almost impossible for him to keep, but we learned strategies to deal with that when confronted with it. It was all very helpful for the both of us.

I had my sessions too of course. He sometimes set in on them if we were doing something particularly hard that day. His presence helped keep me grounded and got me through a lot. He was taking time to learn about ways to help me cope better and we worked together on effective communication skills.

Dr. Rosenberg recommended that I start keeping a journal to help me work through my emotions. I was iffy about it at first, but Dieter was also doing it and he loved it. He was very encouraging about it. It was something that I had come to enjoy doing after a few days. We had even taken to having a shared journal between us to better communicate our feelings, which Dr. Rosenberg loved the idea of and encouraged.

Even though Dieter and I weren’t able to spend a whole lot of time together during those three weeks, I could always feel his presence and support. It’s what kept me going through it all. I don’t think I would have had the strength to do it without him. By the time my last day of treatment came around, he was given the all clear for discharge. It was both nerve wracking and exciting to know that we would be going home…together.

A/N: How excited are we that these two are finally back together? How badly did this chapter hit the feels? Did you cry? If you did, hopefully this will be the last time...unless you are a happy crier. There may be happy tears later. 😉 How are we feeling about Dieter's diagnosis? Does it change how you view some of his past behavior? What about that revelation from Talia? I mean, are we really surprised though; the girl has had a complicated relationship with alcohol throughout the whole story. How do you think things are going to go when they get back home? Do you think they will pick up where they left off or have some growing pains? We will find out in the next chapter. 😁 I am 100% failing at life and did not get the Deconstructing Dieter Bravo post done. I need to do a little fact checking and didn't have the brain power for it. However, once I get that ready, it will be posted HERE. The topic for Deconstructing Dieter Bravo Part 3 will be his diagnosis. I will tag all the usuals in the posts once it is ready. Hopefully you will find it to be educational. 💜 👉 I do want to share some details on upcoming projects that will be released for the holidays. I am participating in the @pedrostories Secret Santa event. I have received my gift prompt, and you may be excited to know that you will be getting a Dieter Bravo one shot from me by Christmas. I already have some ideas swirling around for it and it's not related to any current fics. It should be fun. Be sure to follow the #pedrostoriesgift23 hashtag to check out all the awesome work that will be included for the event. 👉 I will also be participating in the Pickled Peña event for the new year. I am going to try my hand at writing a little Javi P. for you. Follow @pickled-pena for updates and the hashtag #pickledpeña to see all madness (and I'm sure debauchery) that comes from this fun challenge. I also invite you all to join us! There is still time! It's going to be a blast! If you would like to be tagged on either of these one shots, let me know in the comments. 💜 As usual, I have included the chapter mood board below in case you missed it.😘

Next Chapter

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#dieter bravo #dieter bravo x ofc #dieter bravo fic #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal character fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #Pedro Pascal Fanfic #dieter bravo fluff #dieter bravo fanfiction #the bubble #the bubble fanfiction #Destiny & Deliverance Series #friends of juice collective

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joels-shitty-puns · 6 months

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A's Fic Masterlist

❤️ Thanks for reading

Pedro Pascal:

The Key to Your Heart 🎹🎙️ - Series(10/?)

Pedro Pascal x Musician!Reader ❤️❤️‍🩹 (AFAB,fem,plus-sized,inexperienced)

Melt With You (requested) ☀️❄️

Pedro Pascal x Reader ❤️

(fem reader)

Joel Miller (The Last of Us):

The Snacks of Us ⛽🦫

No-Outbreak!Joel Miller x Reader ❤️

(fem reader)

Cookies 'n Scream (requested) 🍪🎃

Joel Miller x Plus-Sized!Reader 🔥❤️ (AFAB, fem)

The Jealousy Bug (requested) 🪲🍄

Jealous!Joel Miller x Reader 🔥 (AFAB, Jackson-era, fem)

Pins and Needles (requested) 🪡🧟‍♂️ - Series (6/6)

Post-Outbreak!Joel Miller x Reader ❤️❤️‍🩹🔥

(fem reader)

Dieter Bravo(The Bubble):

Jingle My Bells 🎄🎁

Dieter Bravo x Reader 🔥

(AFAB, fem)

Javier Peña (Narcos):

Javing Feelings 👖👀

Javi Peña x Inexperienced!Reader 🔥 (AFAB, fem)

~~~~~~~~~~

Emoji Key:

❤️ = Fluff

🔥 = Smut

❤️‍🩹 = Angst

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fluff #pedro pascal x you #a! wrote a fic #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal x afab!reader #pedro pascal x reader #joel miller fanfic #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #friends of juice collective

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ghostofaboy · 4 months

Text

Rock Bottom - Group Activity

Summary: Frankie is spiraling after Tom’s death. Drugs lead to some unhealthy friendships, and too ashamed to reach out to his former teammates for help, Frankie is drawn into a world he’s afraid he can’t get out of.

Tilly wants to show Frankie one of the videos he collected from Gavin.

Pairing: Frankie “Catfish” Morale/Original Male Characters Rating: Explicit. Serious over 18s only Word count: 2382 Chapter: 23/?

Warnings: Dubious consent, group sex, gangbang, anal sex, mentions of past drug use, double anal penetration

Note: This is a fic with gay and bi characters. Please make sure you read the tags/warnings. Header by @gasolinerainbowpuddles

Part 22 / Part 1 / Masterpost

As the weeks turned into months, Frankie’s new reality slowly took shape. Having finished his notice at Malcolm’s repair shop, Frankie was now working full time for Tilly. While that mostly meant days spent in the garage tending to the classic cars or services some of Tilly’s regular vehicles, Frankie was now providing his other service more regularly as well.

Almost every weekend was spent at Tilly’s now. Usually just the Saturday, where Tilly would fuck him for a while before they both got on with the rest of their weekend. However, there was the odd time Tilly wanted him Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Those were usually for the more intense sessions, where Tilly would spend hours opening Frankie’s ass up to take a massive dildo or a fist. Thankfully, whenever one of those weekends was on the horizon, Tilly gave Frankie plenty of notice.

Things with Tyler were going well, and Frankie looked forward to precious moments with his young boyfriend. On the weekends he wasn’t with Tilly, Frankie would go to Tyler’s where they would spend every hour wrapped up together. Sometimes Frankie would help Tyler set up for a shoot, but more often than not they’d spend their time with one of them balls deep in the other. Sex with Tyler was always fun, filled with laughter and kisses; the complete opposite of sex with Tilly.

Then there was rehab, which Frankie was due to start soon. The program Will had found for him had sent him a pack through, detailing when and where he would be expected to attend each week. Finally, things with Benny seemed normal again. They had hung out a couple of times, with Will there, but Benny hadn’t brought up anything that Frankie had told him. Frankie was honestly grateful for that. As far as he was concerned, Benny already knew too much about his shameful bullshit. But, all in all, life looked pretty stable; from the outside.

Internally, Frankie was as anxious as ever. He knew, logically, Tilly was not a good person. Although he’d never seen any evidence of that himself, with Tilly treating him with care and affection, Frankie knew that this was not a man to cross. But for now, Frankie had to play the game. He had to open his legs on command and deal with it. At least until he could put together a plan.

After tidying his tools away, Frankie made his way into the main house at Tilly’s estate. His stomach growled quietly, eager for his lunch, as Frankie ducked into the downstairs bathroom to wash the oil and grime from his hands. He had kept meaning to ask Tilly if he could get a sink put in the garage, but so far the request had slipped his mind.

Drying his hands, Frankie opened the bathroom door and was about to return to the garage when he heard someone in the kitchen. Pausing for a moment to listen, Frankie strained to hear who was speaking. Tilly was meant to be at his office until five, but the more Frankie heard, the more he was sure it was Tilly.

As the voice got louder, Frankie wasn’t sure whether to stay and listen or leave as it became obvious that it was Tilly and that he was talking about Frankie.

“...you’d love him. Fantastic ass. Yeah? I mean, I can only ask.” Tilly gave a hearty laugh. “I don’t own the guy. Look, I’ll ask then if it’s a go I’ll set everything up. Ok, yeah. Ok. I gotta go. Talk to you later, Ian.”

Frankie could hear Tilly coming out of the kitchen and quickly dipped back into the bathroom. He could hear Tilly’s footstep pass the bathroom and the door to Tilly home office open. After a few seconds, Frankie didn’t hear the door close, so taking a deep breath, he opened the door and stepped out.

“Frankie?” Tilly called out immediately. His cheerful voice ringing out from the other room, the sound of it making Frankie’s cock react instantly.

“Hey.” Frankie ducked into the office to find Tilly stood by the window looking out onto the back garden. “I didn’t know you were home.”

“Yeah.” Tilly smiled, shrugging as he closed the gap between them. “Wasn’t in the mood to stay cooped up in the office. Besides, I wanted to see you, although I was going to wait until you’d finished today.”

“Oh? What’s up?” Frankie could feel his cock hardening and his face started to heat up. As much as he hated to admit it, he loved the effect Tilly had on his dick.

“I wanted to give you an update on the videos young Gavin took of you.” Tilly reached out, stroking along Frankie’s jaw as he spoke, his eyes drifting down his body. “I’ve had him tracking them all down. He’s been giving them to me, and yesterday he assured me that he’s found them all.”

“How many were there?” Frankie murmured as Tilly’s hand crept down his torso.

“A lot.” Tilly grinned as he cupped Frankie through his jeans, his thumb running along the length of his erection. “Most were of you and him, pretty run-of-the-mill stuff. You know, lots of oral, anal, and many, many close-ups of Gavin’s own cock. But there were a few of you with others. Would you like to see some of them?”

Frankie’s eyes snapped to Tilly’s as his heart jumped into his throat. “You have them here?”

“Of course Frankie.” Tilly locked eyes with him as he started to unfasten Frankie’s jeans. “I have to keep them safe. Can’t have them floating around out there for just anyone to watch. Why don’t you take your clothes off while I pick out something for us to watch?”

Frankie’s hands moved on their own, pulling off his clothes as Tilly keyed in the code to his safe and pulled out an external hard drive. Tilly went and sat at his desk, connecting the drive to his computer as Frankie removed the last of his clothes. His cock was achingly hard, longing to be touched, but Frankie waited patiently until Tilly was ready.

“There.” Tilly smiled, pulling open his own trousers to expose his twitching girthy dick. “Almost ready, bend over for me, Frankie.”

Frankie moved closer, leaning over the desk and spreading his legs as wide as he could. He could hear Tilly opening and closing a drawer. Frankie knew what was in that drawer, this wasnt the first time he’d been bent over this desk. Sure enough, the familiar sound of the click of cap could be heard before Tilly’s lubricated fingers entered him slowly.

Frankie let out a soft gasp as what felt like two of Tilly thick fingers plunged into his ass and began pumping. Frankie didn’t need to be prepped too much, but he knew Tilly loved to watch anything in his ass. Dildos, plugs, fingers were all regularly inserted into him, along with a few unusual things from time to time. A beer bottle, a candle and a cucumber had also been used on him over some of the more intensive weekends at Tilly’s.

After fingering Frankie for a few minutes, Tilly tapped him on the ass cheek. That was Frankie’s signal to move, to come and sit on his cock. Swinging his leg over Tilly’s knees, Frankie positioned himself, allowing Tilly to ready his dick before guiding Frankie down onto it. Inch by inch, Tilly filled him until Frankie was fully seated on Tilly and his back flush against Tilly’s chest.

“Are you ready?” Tilly reached forward towards his keyboard, shifting inside Frankie as he did, pulling a moan from both of them. “I picked one of my favorites.”

“Ready.” Frankie growled, his eyes moving to the monitor in front of them.

The video began as soon as Tilly pressed enter, filling the screen with what looked like a frat party. Groups of half naked young men were laughing and drinking while sucking each other off as the camera wandered through the party. Two large jocks were spit roasting a skinny blond guy on the dirty carpet, making the cameraman laugh, and Frankie recognized the voice: Gavin.

As Gavin continued on, the camera started to focus on a larger group in the kitchen, stood in a circle around a figure on the floor. Frankie’s heart started to pound in his ears, and his cock throbbed as he realized who he was looking at. As Tilly bucked up gently, urging Frankie to move, Frankie watched as his own naked form came into view on the screen. Past Frankie was on all fours getting fucked by a sweat covered frat boy, surrounded by about eight or nine others all in various states of undress masturbating furiously over him.

From of the look of him Past Frankie had already been fucked several times that night. Come spattered his face and body as he gasped, moaned and laughed. The guy fucking him finished, pulling out and Gavin zoomed the camera in on Past Frankie’s gaping ass. The crowd cheered as Past Frankie pushed a thick load of come out of his ruined asshole, laughing as it dripped onto his balls before pooling on the floor.

“Look at you.” Tilly whispered in his ear, reaching up to play with Frankie’s nipples. “You know how many I’ve watched this? You look fucking amazing and we’re not even at the best part.”

Frankie rolled his hips, relishing the growing heat inside him as he watched frat boy after frat boy fuck him in the video. The sound of skin against skin almost drowned out the sounds of moaning on the screen as Frankie rode Tilly. His cock bounced, gently tapping his stomach as Frankie let Tilly split him open while Past Frankie was spit roasted on the grimy frat house tiles.

The screen went black for a moment before flickering back to life, this time in a bedroom. Frankie felt Tilly’s breathing start to pick up as his hands went to Frankie’s hips. This must be his favorite part, but all Frankie could see right now was Gavin switching the camera between his own face and a very young looking student blowing him.

Tilly was thrusting up into Frankie now, his fingers gripping his hips as Frankie tried to focus through the intoxicating feeling spreading through his body. He wanted to watch the rest of the video, he needed to see what he used to do. He had no memory of this night, but it looked like he enjoyed himself, judging by the grinning and laughing.

Tilly was getting close to finishing and Frankie knew it, as he frantically fucked up into Frankie. Keeping his eyes glued to the screen, Frankie couldn’t stop himself from letting out a gasp as Past Frankie finally came into focus.

Gangbanged. Frankie remembered Gavin saying something about letting a bunch of frat boys gangbang him. Hearing it had been one thing but seeing it here in front of him was something else.

Past Frankie was sandwiched between two guys on his back, both their dicks stretching his wrecked asshole, with his head hanging backwards. Three more guys were taking turns fucking his throat while he held a cock in each hand. In total, seven guys were fucking Past Frankie at once, with more watching over their shoulders. His body was stained with come, with clumps in his hair and mustache. His legs were held open, displaying his hard cock bouncing with each thrust of the men as his body was used for all to see.

With a loud, strangled cry, Frankie came, shooting thick ropes over Tilly’s desk and monitor. His vision swam for a moment as the shockwaves overtook him, before Frankie slumped back, leaning against Tilly as he tried to catch his breath. Behind him, he heard Tilly let out a low, throaty groan and could feel the hot seed filling his ass.

For a few moments they sat there breathing heavily with nothing filling the silence except the obscene moans coming from the video still playing in the monitor. The frat boys were switching places, moving around Past Frankie, shifting him as they needed, before filling him with their cocks.

“I’m so glad you enjoyed watching it as much as me.” Tilly purred into his ear, leaning forward to hit pause. The still close up of Past Frankie’s hole stuffed with two cocks filled the wide monitor. “I love this one. Love watching take all that dick.”

“Fuck.” Frankie panted out, slowly standing up, feeling Tilly’s shaft leaving his ass. “I don’t remember any of that. But…” He trailed off as he rounded the desk, looking out towards the window.

“But you found it a turn on?” Tilly stood up, not bothering to tuck himself away. “Would you want to do something like that again? When you’re sober, so you can remember?”

“I don’t know.” Frankie murmured, looking out over the garden. He could feel Tilly come up behind him and push a finger into Frankie’s come filled ass. Arching his back, Frankie let out a soft moan. His cock was hanging limply, but he knew that wouldn’t stop Tilly and his libido.

“I have some friends. I’ve told them a little about you, nothing that could identify you, of course.” Tilly pushed in a second finger, pushing some of the come inside Frankie’s hole out. “We could have a little party. It’d be a better fuck than drunk frat boys.”

“I mean…” Frankie couldn’t stop himself from leaning forward, giving Tilly better access, resting his arms and forehead against the cool glass of the window. “It was… hot… sexy… I looked like I was having fun.”

“You were.” Tilly cooed, and Frankie could feel a third finger being pumped into him, pushing more come out to run down his leg. “I’ve watched everything Gavin has given me. You always look like you’re having the time of your life. It would be me and four friends. Nothing would be recorded.”

“I’ll… I’ll think about it.” Frankie stammered as Tilly removed his sticky fingers.

“That’s all I ask.” Tilly grabbed Frankie hip, turning Frankie to face him. “Now, come on upstairs. I’m ready for something a little more substantial.”

#frankie morales #frankie 'catfish' morales #francisco 'catfish' morales #triple frontier #francisco morales #frankie morales x male character #rock bottom fic #friends of juice collective

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pedroshotwifey · 5 months

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Christmas Countdown Day 6 - Javi P.

Take It

Pairing: Javier Peña x fem!reader

Word count: 908

Tags/Warnings: No use of y/n, (could be seen as) dub/noncon, rough piv sex, like really fucking rough, overstimulation (f), daddy/papi kink, aftercare implied but up for interpretation, stuff im forgetting, pussy slapping, kinda dead dove, when I say they nasty I mean they nasty

Summary: The one where Javi fucks your lights out

A/N:⚠PLEASE READ⚠ Alright, y'all. This one can be interpreted a few different ways. It obviously jumps right into the smut, so there is nothing to tell you what kind of relationship Javi has with the reader, or how they got into this situation. That being said, this can be seen as something that Javi and the reader talked out beforehand (maybe they have a safeword), or it could be seen as dub/noncon. The choice is yours as there is nothing in this fic to hint that either of those are what's happening. Thank you for reading <3

***

“Javi, please!”

You sob as he rocks into your sensitive and overused cunt. Through the tears in your eyes, you glance at the digital clock on the nightstand next to the bed. If the time is right, that means that Javi has had his dick buried in your pussy for about an hour now.

You have no idea how he does it, how he can bring himself to the edge so many times only to repeatedly deny himself. How he forces you to stay still until he backs off the edge and is able to keep going. How he, somehow, manages to get you to fall apart over and over again while he does so.

You lost count of your orgasms after four; at that point, they had started to mesh. Everything had, really.

“Shhh,” Javi says, continuing to pound into you. “You can take it, hermosa.”

He has you face down, ass in the air. One of his hands is wrapped in your hair, and the other on your waist, both working to pull you back to him to meet his thrusts. Your hands are just as useless as your arms at this point, scrambling to find something to hold onto without success.

Your cries and pleas are accompanied by Javi’s grunts and heavy breathing, which mixes together with a wet slapping sound that echoes around the bedroom. The atmosphere is humid and thick with the smell of sex, making your mind even more hazy.

Your body is acting on its own at this point, completely detached from your brain. You faintly register a coil tightening in your abdomen, pulling tighter and tighter until it snaps.

You cry out as your orgasm wracks your entire body, your cunt convulsing around Javi’s still-hard dick. He grits his teeth and shoves himself even harder into you, slamming into your cervix and making you jolt forward.

He stills but holds you close, his cock nestled deep inside you as you ride out your orgasm and he regains composure. He loosens his grip on your hair slightly as he leans in and showers you with praise.

Good girl, that’s good.

There you go, come all over my cock.

So perfect, bebita, take me so good, make Papi feel so good.

Once you deflate against the mattress, he resumes his movements, slowly picking up his pace again until he’s pummeling into you and tears are streaming down your ruddy cheeks.

Your skin is tacky where it meets with Javier’s pelvis, the moisture there accentuating the steady slaps and making the contact sting more with every powerful thrust.

You barely register him telling you he’s almost finished, another something about you being good for him. If not for the constant reassurance, you wouldn’t believe that you could keep this up.

“…one more for me..” he’s saying in a far away place. One more. Just one more.

You’re too preoccupied with that thought, repeating it over and over in your scrambled mind, to realize that he’s moved one of his hands. You scream when he makes contact with your clit, a sharp slap that lights nerves across your entire body.

He slaps in quick succession, the resulting sting making your hips buck backward as you try to get away from it. Each time you do so, you impale yourself further on Javi’s dick, and he moans loudly, whereas it causes you a light pain, it spurs him on.

Every nerve feels like it's on fire and you swear you’re going to black out by the black that swirls into your vision. You hear yourself begging, pleading for him to be done, and then a strangled cry as you come around him again.

You’re completely fucked out, your body limp and your ears ringing. Your eyelids drop closed and you have no control of what comes out of your mouth, which isn’t much but a few wet and whiny breaths.

You think Javi is saying something again, but the harder you try to listen, the less you hear. Just a soft grumble coming somewhere from far away.

Half a dozen more thrusts, and suddenly Javi’s pace is messy and uneven. His grunts grow deeper and his breaths more aggressive. you feel yourself being lifted up onto your knees, Javi’s arms being wrapped around you, and his head resting on your shoulder as he groans.

You frantically grasp at his forearms for purchase as he finally stills inside to let his cum paint your walls. His cock throbs and pulses inside of you, making you whimper with even the slightest movement.

When he’s done and his cum is spilling down from around his cock and down your thighs, he waits a few minutes, just catching his breath, and then he pulls out. He does it slowly, but even so, your body immediately falls limply onto the mattress without his support.

He tuts from behind you smooths your messy hair down, a gentle touch after using you so recklessly. You’ve stopped crying, your breaths evening out slightly. Every cell of your body is exhausted. Completely spent. When your eyelids drift closed again you don’t bother to stop them.

“I’ll be right back, Hermosa,” Javi says as he gets up and pulls on his tight jeans. There’s a sudden smokeyness to the air that tells you he’s already lit a cigarette. He pets your head one more time before exiting the room, but by then you’re already asleep.

***

I would appreciate some input on this one because I am actually working on a dark!Javi series right now. Don't feel like you have to, but if you enjoyed this dynamic, please let me know! Thank you for reading either way! <3

Biggest, fattest thank you to @mandoalorian for hosting this challenge!

Link to prompt list

No tag list just in case

#pedro pascal #fan fiction #ao3 #smut #pedro pascal smut #javier peña #javier pena x reader #javier pena x you #dark pedro pascal #dark javier pena #dead dove do not eat #dddne #tw noncon #dubcon tw #dead dove fic #friends of the juice collective

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exquisiteserotonin · 2 months

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Ternion

Word count: 3.3K

Pairing: Young Mr. Ben SNL(as a TA, Grad Assistant)xFemale ReaderxProfessor Jonathan Levy Scenes From a Marriage

Rating: E! For explicit (18+ only, MDNI)

Warnings: Threesome, Power Imbalance, Brat Taming, Oral Sex (F! Receiving), somewhat degrading actions

Summary: Your friend and fellow graduate assistant Ben asks you to come over to his place for help with another task that your overbearing advising professor, Jonathan Levy, has dumped on the both of you.

A/N: I don’t typically subscribe to the whole professor student thing, but this was begging to be written and I hope this means I am out of my funk and my damn season of writer’s block is over. I hope you enjoy and as always reblog, comment, engage! I would love to hear from you!

And to my sluts thank you as always for giving me your magic! @magpiepillsjunior @magpiepills @youandmeand5bucks @legendary-pink-dot @pink-whiskey-woman @redhotkitchen @arcanefox207 @for-a-longlongtime

Ternion

Ternion: a group of three, a triad; a section of a paper of book containing three double leaves or twelve pages

Your eyes were beginning to glaze over as you stared at your laptop screen. It was another long afternoon of compiling participant demographics and data from your advising professor’s study in your closet of an office. You closed your laptop a little harder than you should have as you began to pack up for the day. The parking lot behind your building was nearly empty, most students having left for the day. As you drove home, you had visions of cozying up on the couch with your blanket, drinking an adult beverage, and binge watching your favorite tv show.

You were only a few miles from your house, when the infotainment screen in your car flashed with a familiar contact: Ben, your office mate and fellow graduate assistant. Deliberation coursed through the pads of your fingertips and against your better judgment you answered.

“Hey Ben, what’s up?”

“Hey,” his voice echoed with a hesitancy, “Professor Levy asked me a for a favor and I—“

“Are you serious, Ben?” You groaned in exasperation. “This is such bullshit. ”

“I know, I know—I hate to ask but would you come over and help me out?”

Say no. Say no. Say no, your brain said on repeat. Desperation wafted from his hushed voice in a way that immediately unlocked your kindness. You just knew he was pouting, running his hands through his chocolate brown hair while somehow making his already big eyes even bigger, like glassy orbs of whiskey on ice: against your silent protests that he NOT be so easy to say yes to. But aside from that he was also the kind of colleague who’d help you out in a pinch…and too damn attractive for his own good. It certainly made having him as your office mate interesting and frustrating at times.

You gripped the steering wheel before announcing your decision.

“Well, I was legitimately on my way home,” you replied with a deliberately loud sigh. “But yeah, sure.”

It was a bitch move, you knew, but you needed your displeasure to be known. A small part of you felt bad about being so vocal with your frustration. It wasn’t Ben’s fault, but he needed to know the inconvenience of it all. You would not be at your professor’s beck and call. Especially on a goddamn Friday night.

“Just give me some time to head over,” you huffed and added, “I can’t be over there in a snap like Professor Levy would want.

“Hey now,” Ben spoke in a firm whisper that somehow still held a hint of kindness despite your bite, “don’t shoot the messenger.”

You turned the car around and headed to Ben’s house. You found parking on the street and walked up the stairs to the door of his small Brownstone. You pushed the doorbell and found yourself brushing your hands through your waves and cautiously smelling yourself.

Passable. You thought to yourself.

Then he answered the door, emerging in a snug navy blue v-neck and loose gray sweatpants slung low on his narrow hips. A hint of skin teased you between the hem of his shirt and the elastic of his pants. They held onto his hips for dear life with nothing but the insurance of a haphazardly tied drawstring. You nearly whimpered at the sight of him.

What a fucking tease. Get a hold yourself, woman.

You breezed through his door without a word, trying to quell your craving and channel it to the frustration you felt with your advising professor. This was his fault anyway.

“Um…hello to you, too,” he greeted.

Your hands were placed firmly on your hips when you turned back to face him. One of his brows was cocked at you, already waiting for another snarky response. You couldn’t help but pout back at him. He knew you too well.

“Just like him to not give you a weekend off,” you huffed.

“You don‘t even know what I‘m going to ask you,” his voice was low and sterner than you had ever heard before. “I‘m starting to think you like a little fight.“

The way his eyes bore into you was so deep, it was nearly a glare. He held his chin up in the slightest way, arrogant enough that it demanded your attention to his strong neck. It wasn’t long before you felt tiny sparks of electricity traveling over every inch of skin of your body. It didn’t help that he stood with his hips pushed forward in the most arrogant and un-Ben-like way.

“Wow, if only you could give a little bit of that attitude back to Professor Levy,” you said with some bite and unconstrained breathiness.

Conveying the facade of confidence was important. Especially in situations like this.

Ben stepped forward, his shirt and sweatpants clinging against his body in exactly the right way.

“You’re only proving me right,” he purred, now only inches from you.

Do not moan. Do not moan. Do not moan.

“Just give her what we know she needs, Ben,” you heard a polished voice command from the shadows of another room.

A different kind of heat crept over your face and neck after hearing the familiar voice.

What were the chances?

You looked towards the shadows to see Professor Levy swaggering towards you. He pushed forward a few steps, placing his hands in his trousers pockets before leaning against the wall to watch you. His eyes were low and piercing and he licked his lips that rested beneath his salt and pepper beard.

“Of course he’s here,” it came out as the repressed moan you were fighting against.

Professor Levy nodded towards Ben in acknowledgment of some kind of unspoken agreement. Faster than you could think or speak, Ben pulled your body tightly against his, grinding against you as he pressed his lips to yours in a hungry and greedy kiss.

You didn’t expect for Ben’s lips to feel as soft as they did. They were even softer when he parted yours with a firm lick of his tongue. The heat rose within you as his large hands wrapped around your waist, finding your skin beneath your shirt as he pressed your bodies even closer together. With every move he demanded you feel every twitch of his cock for you.

“W—wait!” You gasped, pushing him from you.

Your eyes moved from Ben to Professor Levy, a strange mix of unbridled desire and anxiousness stirring in the lowest part of your stomach. Ben’s thick fingers managed to keep a possessive grip on your hips that you didn’t brush away, despite the way your brain was spinning in want of answers.

“What the fuck are you doing?” You demanded of both of them.

The two men shared another knowing look that stoked the flame of your frustration. Professor Levy raised an eyebrow before removing his glasses and wiping them on a cloth he pulled from his shirt pocket. You couldn’t help but keep your eyes on him as he strutted towards you, his fingers weaving through the gunmetal ringlets of his hair. You rolled your eyes with disdain for his insufferable ways of working, but found yourself burning from your center with intrigue at what those fingers might be able to work on you.

“Always with the snark,” your professor directed the words towards Ben who responded with a shrug and a smirk.

“You will not talk about me like I’m not in the room,” you paused, turning to him and holding your eyes directly to his, “Jonathan.”

He one more large stride forward until he, too, was inches from you.

“I think you mean professor,” he commanded, continuing to advance on you until you backed into Ben.

A moan escaped you as Ben stood like a wall behind you. With your chest heaving up and down, Professor Levy brushed a strand of hair from your face with his long, lithe fingers. Yet they didn‘t stop there. The heat continued to rise from the three of you as the professor‘s hand journeyed down the curve of your body until they met Ben‘s at your hip. They shared a look of longing before turning that desire towards you. And in the strangest turn of events, the professor’s lips were on yours with his tongue paying adoration to your pouty lower lip.

Unable to contain the desire that trembled within, you let out a long, loud whimper as Professor Levy gently trapped your lower lip with his teeth. You already thought the feeling of Ben’s throbbing cock at your lower back was enough to drive you mad, but somehow you knew you were going to be pushed to your limit the moment Professor Levy took your hand to his pants until he pushed your palm to feel him twitch with desire for you.

The part of your brain that held your common sense screamed at you, demanding you not give him the satisfaction. But every other part of it, along with every part of your body, beckoned you to give in. The feeling of Ben’s massive hand moving to the front of your waist was followed by his thick fingers inching towards the front of your jeans. You couldn’t help but pant as you felt his hot breath brush the back of your neck.

“You can’t tell me that this isn’t better than the fight you put up,” Ben’s voice came to your ear in a low growl.

He wasn’t wrong. But ever true to yourself, you bit your lip and replied with a little extra spice, “I think that remains to be seen.”

Your words made Ben snap his hips forward against you with a gravelly moan. Within Professor Levy’s mahogany eyes you could see from his heavy-lidded stare the desire the two men held for each other while searching for their reason to include you.

Professor Levy lifted your chin with a push of two strong fingers, silently ordering you to look squarely into his bespectacled eyes before he spoke, “You definitely need to be taught a lesson.”

You found yourself following him to Ben’s large leather couch, with Ben close behind you, his fingers intertwined in yours. Professor Levy took his place first like a king warming his throne. He smirked as he taunted you by unbuttoning his shirt. He manipulated each button with skillful fingers until he slipped it off and let it fall to the living room floor. He spread his legs wide as he sat, smoothing his hands over the soft fabric of pants that covered his strong thighs.

Ben nibbled playfully at your neck and then your ear with desperate and needy breaths. His warm hands slowly slid beneath your shirt, moving upwards until he massaged your breasts with paws massive enough that they made them feel small. Before you could even think your shirt was gone followed by your bra.

Professor Levy beckoned you to him as he rubbed his thighs, “Come sit here…now.”

This time, you submitted without a fight, feeling the way your skin nearly melted into his as you let your back rest against his chest. His beard tickled the skin of your ear as he licked at the bottom of it. His supple fingertips reached under your arms until they found the altar of your nipples. You rolled back against him as he tortuously began to caress, flick, and pinch them even slower and more skillfully than he had with the buttons of his shirt.

“Ben,” your professor called to your colleague, friend…inevitable lover, “come here.”

You dragged your nails along the waist of his low slung sweatpants while he lifted his shirt over his head. You kept your fingers just above his waistband while he leaned over the couch towards you and your professor. It was mesmerizing to watch how these two beautiful men looked at each other with such intimacy and longing as you lay between them. Your professor took a hand from your nipples and brought it possessively to the back of Ben’s neck, pulling his face to his before licking his bottom lip and pressing onto his mouth for a slow, sensuous kiss.

“Fuck.”

There were no other words you had that could possibly convey the carnal state of desire you had fallen into. Hungrily, you pulled at the drawstrings of Ben’s sweatpants before reaching your hand to the waistband. In a lightning fast move, your professor pulled it away, squeezing your fingers between his.

“Tsk, tsk, not without my express permission,” Professor Levy scolded in a low, buttery whisper.

Slowly, Ben positioned himself at your legs, his hands caressing your waist until he began rubbing your professor’s thighs with you. Professor Levy grabbed Ben’s hand and squeezed it before lowering his eyes to him.

He spoke with unwavering confidence coating every word as he gave Ben a command that sent shivers spiraling outward from your wet center.

“Taste her.”

The wanton darkness that overcame Ben’s eyes and the smirk that curled the corner of his upper lip coaxed your heart and your pussy to throb even more than you anticipated. Your professor’s demand spurred Ben to pull off your jeans and underwear even faster than you could put any thoughts together. You sat naked between the two men in so many more ways than you’d imagined you ever would be. Through your dizzying thoughts, Ben placed a firm grip on your legs pressing them a part.

Any words you thought you could form in your head only came out in quick, pulsing gasps. An unbridled heat spread all over your body as you felt Ben’s broad fingers handle your outer lips until they began to line themselves up at your slit.

“Jonathan, she’s so fucking wet,” his voice was hushed and his breath was so hot against your pussy.

Professor Levy’s response came out in a guttural moan that met your body by way of hands continuing to work on your nipples. The theme of surprise continued as your professor and Ben played off one another in ways that only happened when two people knew each other beyond words. Ben’s nose pressed into your mound as he licked a slow, deep stripe up your center.

“Oh my god,” You cried, finding your professor’s hand with a desperate grasp as Ben began working on your pussy with slow, luxurious and hungry swirls until he moved into a varied and unexpected pace that had you shaking, writhing, and bucking against his every move. Each time his tongue worked on you, he pushed you to the very edge of ecstasy over and over and over again.

He moved his worship to your clit and pressed his face and tongue deeper into you, eliciting a cry from you that filled the room, “Jesus, Ben, fuck oh my—Professor!!”

You pressed one hand through Ben’s waves and gripped Professor Levy’s thigh while riding your high.

“Ben, tell me what she tastes like.”

He lifted his face from your center, lips and chin dripping with your spend.

“Like heaven.”

Ben looked up at you, his eyes glassy with passion and also shining with the gleam of a man hungry for more. The sight of him caused you to whimper. You had never studied his face this way before even though you shared a small space together almost daily. The broad bridge of his nose sloped downward and he breathed you in with a playful smirk before adorning your outer lips with a delicate kiss. You thread your fingers through the disheveled locks of his hair, smiling back at him until your lips opened once more as he teased you with more caresses of his fingers.

“He’s good isn’t he?” Professor Levy growled into your ear.

Your brain was spinning, your body shaking in anticipation of what was to come next. Professor Levy reached an arm over your body, maneuvering his hand towards your neck and without missing a beat, Ben pressed his mouth onto you again sucking at your lips before he dipped his tongue into you again. He continued to venerate every fold with abandon, moaning with each taste he had of you like it were the best meal he’d ever had. You didn’t think it could get any better, especially with the pressure of your professor’s hand at your neck matching the intensity of each manipulation of Ben’s tongue.

And then…

One…two of his broad fingers reached into you, curling into your tight wet pussy while his tongue paid particular devotion to your clit.

“Ah, oh my god, fuck!” You came crying, writhing, and losing any more words the tighter your professor’s grip became.

Ben’s voice vibrated against you with a low, carnal laugh as you felt the slick sensation spill from your center onto the leather beneath you. He then pressed his hands lightly at your lower belly, causing you to shudder with even more aftershocks from your orgasm. You worked through catching your breath and looked down at him. The face he greeted you with as you caressed his wavy locks was that of a bold and satisfied man who knew he could do that to you again.

Ben rose up from the floor and leaned forward until his face was close to yours. You relaxed and leaned your head back against your professor’s as he eased his hold at your neck. In an unexpected moment of tenderness, Professor Levy threaded his fingers between yours.

Ben’s eyes shined as he looked toward you and then your professor. The simultaneously tender and sensual intimacy they shared was amplified in this quiet moment. It felt so private that you were almost embarrassed by having witnessed it.

“Wanna have a taste?” Ben asked as he pressed his thumb still damp from you to Professor Levy’s bottom lip.

Your professor took it, sucking at the tip savoring the taste of you on Ben’s skin. Heavy-lidded with lust, Professor Levy let go of Ben’s thumb and then licked his lips.

“Mmm, sweet,” he murmured with a seductive and low rumble coming from the back of his throat.

Ben stood up and lifted his chin with a proud smirk. He walked to what you assumed was his bedroom and then turned around to lean against the doorway. The way he leaned his elbow above him and his other hand resting at his hip demanded you pay attention to his defined torso. The waistband of his sweatpants sat so low that your eyes had no choice but to travel down the peppering of brown hair that led to the thick treasure you were becoming so desperate for.

A light squeeze of your thighs by your professor was your signal to stand. He walked around you and used his eyes to study every curve of your body. A light touch of his fingers beneath your chin had you breathing hard again as his gaze now demanded that you give him your own. The breath from his mouth danced upon your lips. Yet instead of taking you in for a kiss, he turned from you with his hands in his pockets. You stood naked before both men watching you, waiting for you, bodies reaching for you from a doorway to a room and to a deed that you could never really come back from.

And the decision was clear. There was no way in hell you could turn back now.

You stepped forward. The old, hardwood floors creaked beneath your feet.

“Wait,” Professor Levy called out.

You closed your eyes with a sharp intake of breath and you stopped as he had demanded. Your breath quivered as you waited for what they had in store for you.

He shared another look with Ben, his eyes lowering and the brown of them becoming devilish and dark.

“Get on your knees and crawl.”

#juice collective #friends of the juice collective #pedro pascal character fanfiction #oscar isaac character fanfiction #mr. ben x reader #mr. ben snl #pedro pascal fandom #jonathan levy #scenes from a marriage #smut writing

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magentagalaxies · 1 year

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so basically a few weeks ago paul bellini sent me two signed mouth congress vinyls as a late birthday present slash gift for running the mouth congress social media and i thought i'd post a vinyl tour bc there's so many cool details here! this is gonna be a long post bc the lyric booklet that came with waiting for henry is pretty much a full zine and i really love all the effort they put into it

contents:

waiting for henry double LP (signed by scott and paul!)

ahhhh the pollution 7" (signed by scott and paul!)

Mouth Congress button (did not know this was a thing so it was just a fun little bonus gift he threw in)

first, close up photo of the sticker on the waiting for henry cover:

next pictures of each of the vinyls:

the lighting was a bit off in these pictures but the vinyls are so beautiful it's unreal. ahhhh the pollution is a translucent bright orange, the first half of waiting for henry is beige, and the second half is this beautiful bright blue that looks like blue rasperry candy. i'm always a sucker for colorful vinyls (i just picked up a copy of "take the sadness out of saturday night" by bleachers on a seaglass vinyl the other day) and i wasn't sure if they had any left so the fact that both releases are on such beautiful vinyl is amazing

next we have the zine!! here's the cover:

the first few pages are a short summary of the mouth congress story as told by paul himself, along with a few pictures of the band members from their college days:

after that we have a fictitious profile of the band written by aviva avoovoo (a freelance writer character created by paul bellini) where she visits the mouth congress chalet and discovers the "dark secrets" that lie within. it's so funny and surreal but i didn't want to post every page of it so instead i'll focus on this old vaguely-cursed pic of paul that accompanied the writing:

once we're done with the fictional side of things there's a two-page spread of cassettes mouth congress put together in the 80s/90s that they released in an attempt to promote the band. each cassette description has a list of featured songs, some of which were later put on "ahhhh the pollution" or "waiting for henry" and some of which i'd never heard about previously and am very intrigued by. i took close-up pics of these two specifically since they're the ones i most want to look into from that page

specifically i really wanna learn more about madam alphonsa. who is she. she's mentioned in "me on my off hours" and makes an appearance on "madamifesto" and "let's hear it for show business." they mentioned in the mouth congress documentary that kevin used to play madam alphonsa's husband. several characters scott played in mouth congress were later done on kids in the hall but madam alphonsa is my new lost media obsession.

after that we have a solid six pages of scott and paul interviewing each other. again it's very long so i'm not posting everything but it was a very good interview which makes me love the band even more and it also had this picture with it:

more old pictures (look how young scott and paul look in the bottom right one i'm losing my mind):

centerfold:

then we have at least 10 pages of lyrics for every song on waiting for henry as well as short blurbs about the story behind each song which was really cool and might be its own post someday, but last but not least i wanted to leave you with my favorite part of the mouth congress zine: the word search

legit took this pic just so i could highlight the words digitally and not draw on the actual zine but oh my god i had so much fun doing this. unironically i think every vinyl should come with a thematically linked word search. it really just goes to show how much joy and effort scott and paul put into everything mouth congress does and i'm so honored i get to be part of their story at the level where i can get something like this autographed and sent to me for free (and also might get free admission to an upcoming mouth congress show if i help them set up beforehand and film the show?? like paul you do realize i would pay VIP prices for this but thank you for doing it for free?? also thank you for asking how my own musical went and genuinely caring about the answer???)

anyway this got a little rambly towards the end but my point is. queercore punk is truly the genre of all time and mouth congress is so fucking great nobody is going it like them

#mouth congress #scott thompson #paul bellini #kids in the hall #vinyl collection #vinyl records #kids in the hall/mouth congress fans come get y'all juice i have new content for youuu #legit even if this wasn't personally autographed. even if i wasn't a friend of the band. even if i didn't even like the music #this would still be my favorite vinyl i own #vinyl is annoyingly expensive and this is the only vinyl i've gotten where i'm like ''yeah this is worth paying $50''#but no the retail price on waiting for henry is $30 #and i got it for FREE. SIGNED even #with their EP and a BUTTON too!#also it's very funny to me that paul bellini constantly uses my full name (jessamine) instead of a nickname like jess like most people do #at this point i'm pretty sure he just thinks my name is cool which yeah fair it is #theory that if i was named something super generic this wouldnt have happened #but since i have such a strange name it sticks with people and leads to networking opportunities lmao

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doctorwhoisadhd · 1 year

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fridays text posts (sort of?) part 2 :} (part 1)

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strawberriandromeda · 19 days

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People will hype shit up to the point my lazy ass will actually go ahead and watch or read what they have to say because its so hyped and im sitting there like "okay. I guess I like it. But when does it get good???"

Like idk if its just that everything is actually mid as fuck and people will go crazy over ajything or if im too depressed and empty to enjoy things

#refiba screams #for the record robin if ur reading this this post is not about seconds i loved that shit for real #but this is about Other Stuff my frie ds recommend #i just feel like ive read and watched everything.... seen something once uve seen em all #i feel that about my own life too #like i yearn for things to be actually interesting and spiritually nourishing #but nothing ever is #maybe im just so busy searching for god that im looking in the wrong places #when stories become bombastic and spiritual and complex and multiverse-ful... i just yawn #hnk - ok phos becomes a god. thats pretty wild #oh but when phos is a lonely god on an empty plant??? holy shit for real #maybe i just dont like big stories #maybe i like them small?#like with my own story atot i have all the universe created millennia pass like seconds gods hold grudges #and all i want to focus on is this cute friend group of sad gay bitches who like to collect berries and drink warm juice by the fire #is that what i want?

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milla-frenchy · 14 days

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Owned

354 words | Joel Miller x fem reader | ao3 Warnings: 18+ mdni. age gap, infidelity, daddy kink, possessiveness, piv, creampie a/n: Thank you @aurorawritestoescape for beta-ing 💕

Masterlist

***************

“Fuck…spread your legs for me. Yeah, just like that. Good girl. Good fuckin’ girl.”

Joel was holding your knees on either side of your head, hands resting on the back of your thighs, as he was thrusting in hard and fast. His gaze was down at your pussy taking his big cock, splitting you in two, and sometimes your mouth could barely make any sounds other than moans.

“Daddy…”

“Yeah, baby girl? Talk to me. Tell me what you want.”

“Want you to ruin my cunt, daddy…”

“Fuck…I'm already holding back from sending my load baby…this little pussy is squeezing me so tight.”

He sped up slightly, to give you what you wanted and gritted his teeth, frowning.

“That’s what you wanted, baby girl? Gettin’ your little cunt fucked like a good little slut?”

“Yes, daddy…just like that.”

“Tell me who owns this pussy.”

“You, daddy. It’s yours.”

“And when he fucks you, whose pussy is that?”

“Still yours. Only yours. Always.”

He growled, as if it was turning him on even more, as he was still thrusting, even deeper and harder than 10 seconds before.

“Fuck, fuck. Touch yourself, baby girl. Not gonna last. Come on my cock.”

You slipped your finger into his mouth for him to lick it. He looked like a wreck. His curls falling to the side of his face and his sweat was sliding down them.

Your finger twirled over your clit, your mouth parted in pleasure.

“He fucks you like that?”

“No, daddy. Not even close.”

“Good. Come on, baby, come for me.”

And you did as he asked. Like you always did. Responding to his every whim as he responded to yours. Your pussy squeezing his cock even tighter, pulsing on him.

“Oooooh…baby girl…fuck yeah, just like that…Damn I’m gonna come, baby…Gonna fill this pussy. My pussy…Oh god….” He didn’t stop talking even when his cum covered your walls, and you grabbed his cheeks to kiss him.

Your tongue slipped into his mouth, and you wondered when you would finally dare to break up with his son.

***************

Thank you for reading 🙏

Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated ❤️

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@pascalsanctuary @littlemisspascal @survivingandenduring

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mysterious-moonstruck-musings · 4 months

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Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 28

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo X OFC

Chapter Warnings: Smutty stuff.

Chapter Quote: “Oh, you know me…I’m really good at operations management. Just working through things to figure out the most efficient process for peak outcomes.”

As I sat in the lobby waiting for Dieter to change into the clothes I had brought for him and complete the discharge process, I could feel my anxiety flaring. He and I hadn’t spent any length of time alone together since he was filming in Canada, and everything felt different now. We had made it clear to each other that we wanted to be together and make this work, but we knew there was going to be some initial awkwardness to get through. We had briefly discussed it with Dr. Rosenberg, but talking about it and experiencing it were two different things. I could already feel the hum of anticipation vibrating throughout my body, but I also still had a deep seeded fear that he was going to change his mind and realize he didn’t have feelings for me any longer.

Dieter soon emerged from the double security doors that led to the back. He was in a dark gray t-shirt, medium wash jeans that were slung low over his slightly trimmer waist, and sneakers. His shirt was working double time as it stretched across his much broader shoulders and chest. He had spent a lot of his down time exercising and it showed. His hair was still a curly mess, but it looked like he had tried to tame it back some. He had his tote bag stuffed with the small number of personal items slung over his shoulder.

Several staff members followed to give their goodbyes and see him off, Dr. Rosenberg and Sharon included. Sharon gave him a teary smile and hug as Dr. Rosenberg walked over to check in with me. I stood from my seat as she approached. I knew as soon as she grabbed my hand and squeezed it, that she could sense my nervousness.

“You doing ok?” She asked quietly with a concerned look on her face. I nodded, giving her a tight-lipped smile.

“Yeah, I’m good. Just a little anxious.” She squeezed my hand again.

“He is too. Just remember to talk through it and you’ll both be fine.”

I inhaled deeply, letting it out slowly before I nodded.

Once Dieter was finished with his goodbyes, he timidly made his way over to me with his hands clenching and unclenching into fists. He leaned in to give me a tight hug, reluctantly pulling away with a small smile. I reached down and grabbed his hand, threading our fingers together as I met his eyes.

“You ready?”

His eyebrows shot up as his eyes widened, “Yeah…I think so.”

We held each other’s gaze for a moment, the reality of the situation finally setting in. I could see several emotions playing across his face and could feel mine bubbling to the surface, threatening to spill out. I was suddenly aware of all of the eyes on us. Somehow, I managed to push my feelings aside as we waved to everyone and headed toward the exit.

Once we were outside, away from curious onlookers, I couldn’t hold it back anymore. By the time we reached the car, the flood gates opened, and my legs suddenly felt weak. I leaned against the hood of the rental to catch myself. Dieter quickly pulled me into a tight hug, cupping the back of my head and burying his face into the top of my hair. Both of us stood there, sobbing into our embrace and saying nothing as we allowed the waves of emotion overtake us. It was too much all at once. I felt thankful that he was still with us, relieved that he was healthy, happy he was finally coming home, nervous about how things were going to go, and excited about the possibilities. I somewhat composed myself and tried to verbalize my feelings to him, wanting him to know it was happy tears. He started to shake his head against mine as I mumbled into his neck, “It’s ok. I understand. I’m right there with you. It’s…a lot.”

He pulled back, looking at me with his tear-streaked face, reaching to wipe away the dampness from my cheeks with his thumbs, “If it makes you feel better, I got emotional about putting on a pair of jeans for the first time in three months. So, I get the overwhelmed feeling.”

We both chuckled, lightening the mood somewhat. I leaned my forehead against his chest as I grasped onto his biceps, squeezing to make sure he was really there, “It just felt like this day was never gonna come. It almost seems surreal.”

His rough hands slid up my arms as he kissed the top of my head, “Let’s get outta here before they change their mind about letting me leave.”

I raised my head, meeting his gaze. He seemed like he was holding back as he pushed my hair behind my ear, giving a small smile before turning to open the driver side door for me. After I got inside, he shut the door and hurried around to get into the passenger seat. As he was getting settled, I reached into the back and grabbed his tablet and handed it to him.

“Entertainment for the ride, if you need it. I also have your hat and sunglasses.”

He smiled, sliding the tablet between the seats, “I figured I’d just hang my head out the window the whole way and enjoy my freedom.”

I snorted, “I’m not sure you’ll wanna deal with the skin problems that would result from that.”

He laughed. I noticed he started to reach his hand toward mine but diverted to rub at his thigh instead. He suddenly seemed unsure of himself as he looked ahead out the window, a deep crease forming between his brows.

I figured he was most likely feeling overwhelmed and tried not to think too much about it as I started the car and made my way toward the interstate exit.

We drove in silence for a while. Every time I glanced in Dieter's direction, he was attentively watching the sights pass by, seeing them for the first time. I could tell the wheels in his head were spinning. I imagined this was a lot to take in after being in a facility for three months and hoped it wasn’t too much for him.

“You were good with driving back, right? I just assumed…”

He turned to look at me, pausing briefly to process my words. He had clearly been deep in thought, “Definitely. I’m not ready to deal with an onslaught of people at the airport. Or paparazzi. They’re always hanging out there…and I’m not sure if I can handle the questions. I need to talk to Elaine. I’m not sure how to answer…things. I know there are rumors about me being in rehab.”

I gave him a tight smile. I wasn’t sure how much he knew about the rumor mill. I knew he had talked to Ty some, but we hadn’t discussed anything related to his work much since it wasn’t the focus of our sessions.

“Are you worried about work stuff?”

He sighed, “Yes…and no. It’s gonna be a lot to deal with and catch up on. A lot of rearranging…maybe even dropping some projects. I’m not trying to rush back into things full steam either, so whatever happens, happens.”

He started rubbing at the top of his thighs with both hands.

“I don’t think I’ve even told you…Rylee quit after filming ended.”

I looked over at him, confused, but also not surprised. I reached over to grab his hand and gave it a squeeze. The topic seemed to cause him some distress, so I didn’t let go. Instead, I laced our fingers together. He stared at our entwined hands for a moment before he spoke again.

“I was such a dick to her even though she was just trying to keep me outta trouble. I don’t blame her for quitting. I would’ve too.”

He sighed heavily as he turned to peer out the window. Eventually speaking up again without looking in my direction.

“Do you think she’ll forgive me and come back to work?” He asked quietly as he rubbed at his scruffy chin with his free hand.

“I think if you’re honest with her and tell her what was going on…she might.”

He pinched his brows together, “Yeah, maybe…and apologize…or grovel at her feet…”

He briefly laughed to himself. After a few minutes of contemplative silence, he spoke up again, “I’m also thinking about letting Ty go. I’m not sure how much I trust him anymore…I don’t feel like he has my best interest in mind...and I need people on my team that are gonna be supportive…and not…whatever he is.”

“You know…you don’t have to get all of this stuff figured out immediately, right? There’s no rush.”

He finally turned to look at me, his brows drawn together as he pursed his lips in thought.

“I know. That’s just two things that’ve been on my mind. The rest of it…I’m just gonna go with the flow and not stress about it. There are people that will figure that shit out for me. I was just curious about your thoughts.”

“Well, you know I like Rylee. Hopefully she’ll come back…and if you want me to talk with her, I can. As far as Ty goes, I’ve really only had one interaction with him. So, I’m not sure I can have an opinion on that, but I’ll support whatever decision you come to.”

I glanced in his direction with a smirk, “He was a dick though…”

Dieter snorted, nodding in agreement.

Once we reached the halfway mark of our trip, we stopped for food. Dieter really wanted a greasy burger from a fast food place just to make up for the last three months of eating “healthy shit”. He felt like he deserved a cheat day. So, we went to the first drive-thru we saw and ate in the parking lot. From the way he ate, you would think they had starved him to death.

I smiled at him, “Ya know, you’re probably gonna regret that later.”

He took a quick drink, shaking his head, “I don’t even fucking care. Worth it. Get me some tums and I’ll survive.”

He shoved a few more fries in his mouth before he looked at me with a lopsided grin. I finished my meal and wiped my face with a napkin as I turned toward him.

“So…we really haven’t talked about it…but where do you wanna stay?”

He knitted his brows together as a look of confusion and panic crossed his face. He visibly tensed, “I thought I was staying with you?”

My eyes widened as I realized how my question sounded, “You are. I just mean…would you rather for us to stay at your place or mine? Together.”

He immediately relaxed, “Geez, don’t give me a heart attack like that. I’m too nervous about being alone as it is.”

I reached over and rubbed his arm, giving him a tight lipped smile, “Sorry. I should have worded that better.”

He stared at the half-eaten burger in his hand, picking at it as spoke, “Honestly, I’m not sure how I’m gonna feel being back at my place. It makes me anxious to think about it after what happened.”

I nodded, “That’s understandable. We can stay at my place then. We do need to stop by and get some of your things though. I’ve not been back there long enough to do that.”

He chuckled, “Yeah, I guess I do need clothes, huh.”

After he finished eating, we got back on the road. By the time we were turning onto his street, it was late in the evening, and we were both stiff and tired from the drive. We had planned to grab what he would need for a couple of days and return for the rest later.

As we walked toward the front door, I noticed he was wringing his hands together and his face looked tense. After keying in, he walked in behind me, stopping in the middle of the living room to look around.

He had a mix of confusion and anxiety on his face, “Who cleaned?”

I walked over to him, placing my hand on his shoulder for comfort, “I did.”

His eyes turned glassy as he surveyed the area, “Everything?”

I cleared my throat as I felt a lump form, “Yeah…I ugh…fixed the drywall damage in the bedroom too and had the broken furniture hauled off. Technically, all you have for a bed right now is mattresses on the floor.”

I laughed dismissively as he turned to look at me, “You know, you didn’t have to do any of that.”

I met his eyes, fighting back my own tears, “I know. I just didn’t want you coming home to that. It was the last thing you needed to worry about.”

He pulled me into a tight embrace, “Thank you. For everything. I know I’ve said it a lot already, but I don’t deserve you.”

I sighed, leaning back to meet his gaze, “Stop saying that. You do too.”

He nodded, turning away from me as he wiped at his face. He took another moment to look around, shaking his head slightly.

“Alright, let’s…umm…get this done. Being here is making my chest hurt.”

“You sure it's not from that greasy ass burger you ate?”

He squeezed his eyes shut and snorted out a laugh. When he looked back at me, I could tell that helped him relax some, “You might be right.”

We worked in silence as we gathered his things. He was entirely focused on the task at hand, obviously trying not to think of other things. It took no time at all between the two of us and soon we were loading his duffle and backpack into the car to head over to my place.

We grabbed our bags from the trunk before heading inside. As I moved toward the bedroom, I noticed he had stopped just inside the living room, seeming unsure of himself.

I quirked an eyebrow in his direction, “Something wrong?”

He laughed nervously, “Umm, where do you want me to put my stuff?”

I tilted my head, confused by his question, “In the bedroom…”

He shifted the bags on his shoulders awkwardly, “Sorry…I just didn’t wanna assume and make you uncomfortable…”

I couldn’t help smiling at him. He was always thinking about my feelings, and I appreciated that more than he would ever know.

“I’ll work on making some space in the closet for you. I don’t want you living out of a bag anymore while you’re home.”

The cheesiest smile slid across his face as he took in my words. When I turned to continue toward the bedroom, he followed.

He stood digging through his bag that was perched on the edge of the bed as I approached him from behind, snaking my hands under his arms to rest on his chest and leaning my forehead between his shoulder blades. He tensed slightly before relaxing into the embrace and grabbing hold of one of my hands, rubbing it gently with his thumb.

“I can’t believe you’re here. I’m almost afraid I’m gonna wake up and realize it’s a dream.”

He pulled my hand up to his mouth and kissed my fingertips, “I’m not going anywhere, mi estrella.”

I took a minute to inhale his scent before kissing the back of his neck.

“I think I’m gonna go shower.”

He paused his movements, looking down toward his bag, “I’m probably gonna journal for a while. I’ve been doing that in the evenings before I go to sleep…to wind down.”

I reached up to rub the hair at the nape of his neck as I moved to his side, looking up at him. He gave me a tight-lipped smile before he started to dig through his bag again, not meeting my eyes. I felt like he was suddenly putting up a wall. He had a long day, so I tried to not let it bother me too much as I headed toward the bathroom.

After showering and towel drying my hair, I made my way back to the bedroom. To my surprise, Dieter was on his side of the bed and appeared to be asleep. This was certainly not how I saw the evening ending. I sighed, making my way over to my side to get settled in, moving carefully so as not to disturb him. I laid there staring at the ceiling, trying to ignore my intrusive thoughts as I listened to his steady breathing. I was concerned that he was already regretting his decision. However, the rational side of my brain kept reminding me that he would need time to adjust. I eventually managed to fall into a restless sleep.

When I awoke the next morning, Dieter was already up. I wasn’t surprised given his previous schedule the last three months at Sanctuary Hills, but I had to admit that I was a little disappointed. I really wanted to wake up with him. I took a moment to stretch before sitting up to reach for my phone on the nightstand. I immediately noticed the open journal beside my phone. It was ours, the one we had both been writing in. I grabbed for it instead, closing it slightly with my finger still marking the page. I had a sinking feeling, suddenly worried it was a goodbye letter or something else equally distressing. I took a steadying breath as I leaned back against the headboard and opened it. My breath caught in my throat once I saw what was on the pages.

On the left side, was a rough pencil sketch of me sleeping. On the right, a journal entry from today.

This is the picture I’ve had in my mind since you left Canada…beautiful and at peace. While you were there, I stayed awake and watched you sleep for hours, trying to memorize everything I could. It’s what kept me going all this time even though I felt like I could never get the details right. Seeing you sleeping this morning made me realize my memory could never do you justice. I was naive for thinking otherwise and for trying. Today I woke up feeling whole. I can’t remember the last time I felt that. Thank you for making it possible. For the first time in my life, I’m actually excited about the future, and I can’t wait to spend it with you. D.

I could feel my heart clench in my chest. Any doubts I was having were now shattered by his words. We just needed to find our rhythm and he needed time to decompress.

After reading his journal entry a couple more times, I finally crawled out of bed. It was a little chilly, so I threw on my robe and tied it shut as I made my way toward the kitchen. As soon as I walked out of the bedroom, I could smell food cooking. I couldn’t help smiling to myself as I rounded the corner and found Dieter standing in front of the stove in nothing but gym shorts, cursing and jerking his hand back as the bacon grease popped at him. I took a minute to admire the lean muscles of his back, and how they flexed as he moved. He looked so fucking good.

I padded over and hugged him from behind, laying my cheek against his bare back. He rubbed one hand up my arm as he turned his head toward me to say good morning. I nuzzled my nose into the back of his neck and inhaled his scent before responding.

“Thank you for the note this morning. I needed that.”

Sensing the sullen undertone to my words, he turned to face me, letting one hand settle on my hip while the other reached to stroke my hair away from my face as he held my gaze.

His brows pinched together, “Is something wrong?”

I gave him a weak smile, “No, nothing now. I was just feeling a little insecure yesterday. I thought maybe you were shutting me out or holding back a little…But I realize you need time to adjust. It’s not a big deal. It’s just me being in my head.”

He sighed, pulling me against his chest, “I’m sorry. You’re not wrong. We probably should have talked about this in a little more detail…”

I felt my heart rate spike as the anxiety kicked in. That was not the response I expected. I pulled back, trying to keep my face neutral as I looked up at him. However, based on his panicked expression, I clearly wasn’t doing a good job of it. He rubbed at his face with one hand, shaking his head.

“Fuck. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded…I was…holding back some…but only because I didn’t want you to feel pressured to immediately pick up where we left off. In case you needed some time or…wanted to take things slow. I was just gonna try to follow your lead, ya know what I mean?”

I could feel the tension leave my body as he spoke. I smiled up at him, nodding in understanding, “I appreciate that you took that under consideration, but I can assure you that it’s not necessary. I said I was all in for this and that means everything that comes with it. If you wanna hold my hand, kiss me, or anything else, just fucking do it. You can trust that I’ll tell you if you’re doing something that makes me uncomfortable.”

He visibly relaxed some, smiling as he placed both hands on my hips and pulled me against his body. He nuzzled his nose against my ear, speaking quietly, “I’m sorry. I should’ve just brought it up yesterday. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, fingertips twisting in the soft curls at the nap of his neck, “It’s ok. We’ve just gotta make sure we’re communicating about everything so there aren’t any misunderstandings. Ok?”

He nodded as he leaned his head against mine. I closed the space between us, gently taking his plump bottom lip between mine. I could feel his grip on my hips tighten slightly as the kiss deepened. I pulled away, breathlessly glancing over his shoulder, “Your bacon is burning.”

His eyes widened as he quickly turned toward the stove, “Fuuuck.”

Just as I started to laugh at him, the doorbell rang.

“You expecting anyone?” I asked, surprised that someone would be here this early. He shook his head as he moved to get the bacon out of the pan.

“Huh…me neither. I’ll get it.”

As I passed into the living room, the doorbell started to ring again. Clearly someone was impatient this morning. When I opened the door, I found one of the absolute last people that I expected standing there with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked in disbelief.

She rolled her eyes, “Ty told me that Dieter is back and that he’s staying with you.”

“Did Ty give you my address too?” That guy was starting to get on my nerves now.

“Yes, because I want to see him.”

I scoffed, “You’ve got a lot of nerve showing up like this. I’m pretty sure Gabby told you that he didn’t wanna see you.”

She sneered, “Like I’m going to believe anything she says. If he doesn’t want to see me anymore, I want to hear it from his mouth.”

I felt the door push open further as Dieter came to stand behind me. I could sense how tense he was from his close proximity to my backside and his sudden and firm grip around my waist. His voice was low and full of frustration when he spoke up.

“What're you doing here, Anna?”

She seemed taken aback by his tone and appearance, staring at him wide-eyed for a moment before responding.

“Ty said you were back from treatment. I wanted to see how you’re doing.”

Dieter scoffed, “Of course he did. Did he tell you what kind of treatment too?”

Anna shook her head, “No. I didn’t ask. I just assumed it was rehab given what happened.”

Dieter moved forward to stand beside me in the doorway. One arm stayed around my waist while the other rested on his hip.

“Rehab…of course. That is the rumor, right?”

Anna's eyes widened in surprise to his response, like she didn’t know what he was talking about.

Dieter continued, “I wasn’t in rehab. I was in a mental health facility.”

She had the nerve to look concerned, “What? Why? Are you ok? Did SHE con you into doing that?”

I was the one with the scowl on my face now. I glanced up at Dieter, I could see the muscles in his jaw tightening.

“She had nothing to do with it. In fact, the hospital was gonna make me go if I didn’t do it myself. It actually wasn’t a bad thing…I learned a lot about myself and I’m a lot better now. Happy even. It might do you some good to give it a try.”

Anna’s eyes flashed with anger, “Excuse me?”

Dieter chewed on the inside of his cheek, fighting back a smile before he continued, “Given my diagnosis, it’s important that I manage my stress levels, which means cutting the problem people out of my life. That includes you. I don’t need your drama…negative influence…or lack of support. So…this is me telling you that we’re done. For good this time.”

Anna’s nostrils flared as she took in his words, “So what, she comes crawling back and suddenly I’m the problem again?

Dieter shook his head, “You know that’s not how it went down. I told you to fuck off before all this other stuff happened because you wouldn’t stop running your mouth and pushing me to do things…and I’m not stupid. I know you’ve been leaking shit to the tabloids.”

This was new information to me. I couldn’t say I was surprised by it. I was actually proud of him for having the sense to cut her off before now. I gave Anna a smug look. She knew she shouldn’t be here.

“You know I would never do that to you. How do you know she’s not the one leaking stuff? You really think this is gonna work out between you two this time? You already got rid of her once. You know she’s fucking with your head. Why are you allowing it to happen? You deserve better.”

Dieter inhaled deeply, pursing his lips as he eyed her. He shook his head slightly, stepping toward her, “Not that I need to explain any of this to you, but I think you need to hear it…I’m in love with her. She’s an amazing person with a good heart. I’m never leaving her again. It should have never happened the first time.”

He paused briefly, watching the fight leave her as her shoulders slumped at his words. He continued in a calm voice, “Ya know, this is exactly what I’m talking about…I’m not dealing with your toxic, mind fuck shit anymore. You need to leave. Don’t come back. Don’t call me. Don’t text me. We’re done. You understand? Is that clear enough for you?”

Anna was staring at the ground now, unable to look at him as she nodded in understanding. She gave me one last look of contempt as she slowly turned to leave.

Dieter moved to close the door, immediately turning to pull me into a hug, “I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Don’t let what she said bother you. She’s just trying to manipulate me like she always does.”

I leaned back to look up at him, “I don’t care about anything she says to me. It’s fine, I can take it. Are you ok though?”

He let out a measured breath as he rubbed up and down my arms, “Surprisingly…yes. Nothing she says matters to me anymore. She’s not worth the energy to be upset about it.”

My eyebrows arched upward, “I didn’t realize you two had a falling out…”

“Yeah…she kept saying she was tired of me being down and not partying with them, so she was pushing drugs and women at me constantly. When I said I wasn’t interested she would get mad and start running her mouth. I just got tired of it.”

I narrowed my eyes at him playfully, “Women? Hmm...”

His eyes widened as he vehemently started shaking his head, “Oh no, no, I didn’t…not with anyone.”

I chuckled, “I’m just messing with you. Even if you did…we weren’t together.”

His face relaxed, “Don’t worry, you were the only woman on my mind.” I cupped his cheeks, taking in the calm expression on his face before leaning in for a soft kiss. He smiled, nuzzling his nose against mine, “Let’s go eat breakfast and forget this happened.” I nodded as he took my hand and pulled me toward the kitchen.

It didn’t go unnoticed by me that he handled this confrontation with Anna completely different than the one at the restaurant. He remained calm and present the entire time. It was obvious that he was in a different place now. I actually felt proud of him and hoped it hadn’t caused him any undue stress.

The next couple of days kept us pretty busy. Ty had lined up several meetings to start getting Dieter’s contract obligations figured out before lawyers started getting involved due to delays. Since I had taken time off work, Dieter asked me to come with him to ensure he didn’t get talked into anything crazy.

As I sat listening to the conversations around me, it was obvious that Ty had a complete disregard for Dieter’s recovery as he pushed him to take on too much, too soon and couldn’t be bothered with the finer details of what would be needed for Dieter’s routine and self-care measures. I could see why Dieter wanted someone else there with him that knew his boundaries. Dieter did push back though. He got what he wanted and if concessions couldn’t be made for him, then he backed out of the projects. Ty was furious, but we ignored his outbursts. By the end of the week, Dieter had decided that he was ready to let Ty go. After discussing the change with Elaine, she happily put Dieter in touch with some new prospects that she felt would be a better fit.

After Ty got the news, it didn’t take long for new rumors to start making their rounds in the media about where Dieter had really been and the state of his mental health. We all knew Ty and maybe even Anna were behind it but had no proof. Elaine had recommended that we not address any of the rumors and deflect if questioned. However, after some thought, Dieter decided that he wanted to release a statement with the truth and maybe even eventually do an interview. He felt like it was his opportunity to address an important topic that didn’t get enough attention and was rather taboo to discuss, especially amongst actors out of fear that it would ruin their reputation. Given his own history and what had happened with his mom, he felt like it was a cause worthy of his support and he felt pretty strongly about it.

Elaine eventually acquiesced and drafted the statement. She ended it with a request “to respect the privacy of Mr. Bravo, his siblings, and Ms. Cohen as they continue to work through his recovery as a family.” Dieter had insisted I be included. He was making another statement without really saying it. I didn’t mind. We were back in LA after all, so we were bound to be seen together. Elaine agreed and thought it might cut back on some of the frenzy and speculation if we were open about being together, rather than trying to hide it. Dieter was anxious, but he didn’t second guess it as he told Elaine to hit send. The news was everywhere within the hour and the response to it was overwhelmingly positive.

Surprisingly, Dr. Rosenberg gave us a call later that afternoon to check in after seeing the press release. She was very supportive and actually thanked Dieter for being willing to share his story and raise awareness on the topic. We were still having regular calls with her until she found someone in LA that she was comfortable referring us to, but she wanted to continue to check in with us no matter what. We of course were thankful for her continued involvement and care for our wellbeing.

Later that evening, we had dinner at Gabby’s house. Everyone had called Dieter to check in since he had been home, but it was the first time they were getting to see him. Gabby wanted to give him some time to settle in before overwhelming him with a family get together. On the ride over, he admitted that he was nervous and worried that it would be awkward. However, his fears were quickly put to rest as he was welcomed with excitement and hugs from everyone. Lauren even shed a few tears. There was no awkwardness, only happiness to have both of us home.

Dieter stayed glued to my side the entire evening, constantly touching me in some way. He seemed happy and was having a good time. He didn’t appear to be anxious at all, so I was hopeful that meant he had other things on his mind. The glances that he kept sending my way seemed to confirm my thoughts.

We still hadn’t been intimate since coming home. He had relaxed significantly and had been extremely affectionate toward me after our conversation, but somehow, it hadn’t come to that. There were even a couple of instances where I felt like he was avoiding it. I had to tell my brain to stop thinking that way. However, when we got home that evening and a somewhat heated make out session started in the bathroom as we were getting ready for bed, he quickly pivoted by saying he was tired and still needed to do his journal entry before he fell asleep. I struggled to ignore it that time. My gut told me that something was up.

Several days later, we were sitting on the couch watching tv. I had thrown my legs over the top of his as I laid back onto a pile of pillows. His right hand was resting just above my bare knee, thumb occasionally rubbing in small circles. His other hand was gently massaging my feet. I absentmindedly stuck my hand up my tank to scratch at my stomach. From the corner of my eye, I noticed he was watching my hand, but trying not to be obvious about it. I did a small stretch, causing the hem to ride up further as I slid my fingers into the waistband of my shorts, looping my thumb over the top to rest there as I stayed focused on the tv. I felt the fingers on his right-hand twitch slightly before his whole hand started to rub and massage at my thigh.

He continued to stare blankly at the tv for several minutes, but I could feel the hardness forming under my legs. I moved slightly, grazing against him. His eyes shifted over to mine, and I smirked, moving my legs again. He grabbed hold of both my feet with his large hand, stalling my movements.

I bit my bottom lip, narrowing my eyes as I looked at him, “What’s going on in that head of yours today?”

He cleared his throat, “I’m watching tv. The show is on my mind.”

I slid my hand downward slightly, tugging the waistband of the shorts with my thumb. I slowly brought my other hand upward across my stomach, raising the hem of my tank further, letting it rest just under my breast. Then, I loosely clenched my thighs together. I knew he could feel it because his eyes darted down in that direction before going back to the tv. I could tell he was fighting a smile as his right hand continued its movements. The heat of his touch radiating directly to my core, now causing my thighs to involuntarily clench together, tighter this time. He closed his eyes and tucked his bottom lip between his teeth as his fingers dug into the soft meaty area above my knee.

“Sorry, I’ve got a little bit of an ache…maybe that’s something you can help me with?”

He opened his eyes and gave me a tight-lipped smile, “Alright, fine. You win.”

He laughed quietly as he shifted to move up my body, placing open mouthed kisses on bare skin as he went. When he made it to my chest, I felt his hand tentatively sliding toward the waistband of my shorts. I covered it with mine and guided it underneath to where I wanted it. Once he realized I wasn’t wearing any panties, he groaned into my neck. As his hand sunk lower, he groaned again, “Fucking hell, your soaking wet.”

My breath hitched as he slid his fingers between my folds and got to work. My hands found their way to the back of his head, tightly gripping his curls to pull him upward so I could kiss him even though I was already breathless. It had been too long, and I already felt like I was floating. It wasn’t going to take long for me to finish at this rate.

Our tongues tangled together as my hips moved in rhythm with his motions. I moaned into his mouth, pulling away to catch my breath. My eyes involuntarily squeezed shut as I could feel the familiar tingle building in my core. Dieter placed his forehead against mine, “Look at me…I want you looking at me when you come undone.”

My eyes met his as my thighs started to tremble. I mumbled something unintelligible against his lips as my release ripped through me. He nudged his nose against mine, watching as I lost it underneath the weight of his body.

Before I had a chance to completely recover, he was kissing me again. It was almost frenzied as he bucked his hips against my center, nearly making me come for a second time with minimal effort. My hand slowly moved down toward the front of his gym shorts. He broke away, leaning his forehead against mine, squeezing his eyes shut as he shook his head slightly. He sighed and moved to sit up, rubbing at his face with both hands.

My brows knitted together in concern as I set up at his side, “Hey, what's wrong?”

He laughed in disbelief through his hands before dropping them to his lap and looking at me with an odd expression that I couldn’t read.

“I can’t fucking believe this is happening…I’m sorry, I should have said something the other day, but I was hoping it wasn’t actually an issue.”

I was completely lost, “What’s going on?”

He looked at me wide-eyed, his mouth hanging open slightly for a moment before any words came out, “I think I’m having…performance anxiety or something.” He laughed again. “Talk about being ironic.”

My eyebrows arched upward, “Ooooh...Are you sure that’s what it is? Maybe it’s your medication? I mean, the doctor did say that could be a side effect.”

He shook his head as a deep crease formed between his brows, “I don’t think it’s that…I mean, I still get aroused and can…you know…”

His lips formed into a line, “Fuck. I can’t believe I’m having this conversation.”

He put his hand back over his face out of embarrassment. I reached over and squeezed his knee.

“So, you can take care of things yourself then? Is that what you’re saying?” I wasn’t sure how I wanted him to answer that question. It was going to sting either way.

“Yeah, I mean after the other night…When I woke up the next morning…in the shower. I felt like an asshole afterwards though.”

I bit the inside of my cheek, looking away from him. I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. I couldn’t help feeling insecure over it and he could sense it.

“It’s got nothing to do with you. You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re…fucking perfect.” He reached over to grab my hand, lacing our fingers together, “If it makes you feel better, I was thinking about you when I did it…”

I gave him a look that fell somewhere between a grimace and a smile, before I let a small laugh escape. Meanwhile, he was slowly descending into panic.

“I promise, it’s me. I’m just getting all in my head about everything and it kind of ruins the moment.” He gestured toward his crotch with his free hand and had an annoyed look on his face.

I somehow managed a neutral expression, “Do you wanna talk about what’s bothering you then? Maybe it’ll help.” I shrugged, giving him a sympathetic look.

He sighed heavily, “I just…I dunno…I think I’m worried it’s gonna be different somehow…that I’m gonna be different. What if I can’t connect emotionally or feel things like before? I mean that’s always been kind of an important part of it for us…the emotional connection. You know what I mean? That makes me worry it’s gonna be bad for you if I can no longer give you that part of myself because something’s different in my brain.”

I could feel my chest tightening as I realized this was really getting to him, “I mean, Dr. Rosenberg said how you feel about things wouldn’t change. It’s not like your emotions are turned off. You still feel things.”

“Yeah, but it's not always as intense as before.” His dark eyes were giving me a pleading look. Like he was expecting me to up and leave over this.

“Well, that’s not necessarily a bad thing in some instances…and who knows, maybe it’ll be even better now since you’re more present and in control of everything.”

He chuckled, “God, if it gets any better than it was, I may not be able to handle it.”

I smiled at him. At least his sense of humor was still intact.

“It’s kind of a compounding thing too, because now I’m just like…fuck, I have to be able do this or she’s gonna be unsatisfied and unhappy you know? I don’t want to mess shit up again. Then it’s just…like…these negative pressuring thoughts on repeat, and I can’t make it stop.”

I gave him a smirk as I moved to wrap my arms around his neck, “You’re more than qualified to satisfy me in a couple other ways…as you just demonstrated. So, don’t even think about that anymore. I’m not going anywhere. We will figure it out together, ok?”

He nodded, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me onto his lap for a comforting embrace.

I kissed the top of his head, “Thank you for telling me.”

“So, what do you think we should do?” He asked against my neck.

“Well, I say we just try again when the mood strikes and see what happens. Maybe now that you’ve told me what’s going on…it’ll get better.”

He nodded before turning to give me a quick kiss. (More after the gif)

Over the next week, we had a few more failed attempts. It only seemed to be discouraging him further. I could sense it happening each time and there was no way of stopping it. I could tell it was starting to weigh on him, so I decided to give Dr. Rosenberg a call. Apparently, this was a pretty common issue, and she offered a few suggestions. Starting with giving him tasks to focus on while I was in charge of things. I felt like I could work with that. He did like my bossy side after all. So, I started to formulate a plan of action to solve the problem at hand.

The following morning, I was awakened to the feeling of Dieter’s rough hand slowly sliding up my bare hip to the middle of my waist, then back down again. Once he realized I had nothing on underneath the t-shirt I had worn to bed, it seemed to have the desired effect. His grip tightened, fingers digging into soft flesh as he pulled my ass backwards against the hardness that he had woken up with. I couldn’t help the sly smile that slid across my face, hoping that this might actually get somewhere if I could keep him focused on what he was feeling rather than what he was thinking.

I did a full body stretch, humming from the feel of it as I leaned my back against his chest. He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck as he groaned, tightening his grip on my hip further and grinding into my backside. I reached up with my right hand and gently tugged the soft curls at the crown of his head as he ran his nose up the length of my stretched-out neck, then around the edge of my ear. The feel of his hot breath against the sensitive area caused me to break out in goosebumps, putting every nerve ending in my body on alert.

I turned my head to meet his lips, pulling him down into a slow and sensual kiss. I removed my hand from his hair then lightly slid it down his arm to sit atop his hand on my hip. I laced my fingers through the top of his and guided his hand up under my shirt to rest on my breast, encouraging him to knead it in the palm of his hand. We both moaned quietly through locked lips from the contact as I scooted to lay flat on my back. He settled between my thighs as I hooked my leg around his hip, rubbing my bare center against the hardness in his shorts. He pressed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes momentarily as I continued moving against him. When he opened them, I could tell he was starting to get lost in his head again, hesitating before he leaned down to kiss me.

I broke away from the kiss, snaking my left hand up into his hair, gripping it firmly between my fingers and pulling his ear down to meet my lips. I gently sucked on the lobe before whispering, “Lay down on your back and close your eyes.” The distraction of my words brought him back to the moment as he pulled away, looking down at me with a playful but questioning grin on his face. He was clearly intrigued by my instructions as he did what was asked.

Once he was situated, I moved to slide his shorts down. He raised his hips off the bed to assist in removing them. Once they were discarded on the floor, I slowly crawled up his body, making light grazes across his skin along the way. Placing open mouthed kisses on his muscular thighs before nipping and sucking on them playfully. Eventually, I moved to straddle his hips. I pulled my t-shirt over my head and tossed it on the floor before leaning down to suck on his bottom lip. After grabbing both of his hands in mine, I pulled away from the kiss with a pop. I moved to whisper in his ear again, “Don’t open your eyes. If you do, I'll stop. Just focus on my voice and what you’re feeling. Nothing else.”

Dieter’s breath stuttered as he slowly shook his head in agreement. The anticipation and not knowing what to expect causing his skin to flush. The idea of giving him a task to focus on was clearly keeping his intrusive thoughts at bay for the time being as he continued to harden beneath me. I sat upright, pulling his hands with me, and placing them on my breast. Encouraging him to let them roam and caress my body. I guided them down to feel up my thighs and around to grip my ass. As his fingers dug into the meaty flesh, I rolled my hips, rubbing my aching wet center against him.

“You feel that? You did that to me.”

He groaned at my words and bucked his hips up against me, seeking more friction. I grabbed his right hand and brought it down to rub the slick at my center.

“This is all for you,” I added before bringing his hand to my mouth and sucking his fingers clean. I watched as his eyes snapped open in shock to meet mine. I stopped and pulled his hands away from my body.

“Eyes closed or it stops.”

He huffed loudly, “You’re gonna make me have a fucking heart attack,” as he closed his eyes again.

I couldn’t help the mischievous smile that slid across my face as I took in the sight of him, already panting and his skin beading with sweat. My plan appeared to be working.

I took his hands and guided them to lay above his head, momentarily pinning them there to give further instruction.

“No baby, I’m gonna make you feel good. Then you’re gonna make love to me. Don’t open your eyes again or move your hands. I mean it, I’ll stop.”

He whimpered quietly as he let out a measured breath, nodding in agreement. I went to work, worshiping every inch of him. Starting at his neck, licking and sucking his flushed skin as I worked my way down his torso. Alternating between light touches in the sensitive areas and deep massaging over his taut muscles. With every movement my wet center rubbed against his hardness as he continued to grind his hips against me, causing that electric tingling sensation to build. However, this time was about his pleasure, not mine. So, I started to move backward to straddle his legs as I continued to work my way down his body with my mouth. He groaned at the loss of contact until I took his dick in my hand and started stroking it, spreading my wetness up and down his shaft as I nipped and sucked on his hip.

He was beginning to squirm beneath me. It was clearly becoming harder for him to keep his hands in place as he knotted the sheets in his fingers above his head and tightly squeezed his eyes shut. A sweat covered crease formed between his brows as he fought to control himself. I let my hot breath blow against him as I spoke up to remind him not to move or open his eyes before taking him into my mouth.

His elbows jerked up off the bed and I immediately pulled back, ceasing my movements. He mumbled something in Spanish that I couldn’t quite make out as he put his arms back in place. This was driving him crazy, but it was also keeping all of the negative thoughts out of his head, and I was loving every second of it.

I took as much of his length into my mouth as I could and used one hand to stroke the remainder of the shaft while the other moved to massage his balls in a wave motion with my fingertips. I could tell it was taking everything in him not to look down at me or reach for my hair. He tried to move his legs, but they were pinned under me, further limiting his response to my actions. He was quickly melting into a sweaty, groaning, writhing mess underneath me as I licked and sucked on his sensitive head.

Once his thighs started to shake and his balls began to tighten, I removed him from my mouth and stopped my motions. He growled and pulled a pillow over his face, yelling expletives into it. I couldn’t help the laughter that escaped me. I was enjoying this too much. Once he had calmed down some, I worked to bring him back to the edge, again ceasing my motions once he was there.

After allowing him to come back down a second time, I moved to straddle his hips. I placed him at my entrance and slowly sank down onto his length, allowing him to stretch me in the most delightful way. Once I was able to fully take him in, I leaned forward to grab his arms, pulling him to sit upright and placing his hands on my ass to help guide my movement. Realizing he still had his eyes closed as I placed my forehead against his, a smile spread across my face before whispering against his lips, “You can open your eyes now.”

Dieter’s eyes slowly opened, revealing that his pupils were fully dilated with arousal. There was no stopping him now. He was focused and determined as he crashed his lips against mine in a passionate kiss before tangling his hand in my hair, gently pulling my head backwards and burying his face into the crook of my neck. I continued to rock against him as he nipped and sucked at the sensitive area just above my collarbone, sending electrical shocks directly to my core with his touch and the scrap of his scruffy beard. My fingers moved to knot into his sweaty curls, pulling him tightly against me as we moved in unison.

We knew how to do this, how to read each other’s bodies and connect in the most intimate and emotional ways. Though he had been worried about it being different, about him being different, it wasn’t something we would ever lose. It was engraved into our very souls. He just needed to be shown the way back to me, to us. There was no hesitation from him now as he angled my face toward his, releasing his hold on my hair to bring his thumb to rest on my chin and stroke it gently. Our eyes locked into an intense gaze for a time while we continued to move together. My forehead eventually fell forward to rest against his as beads of sweat rolled down both of our faces from the exertion. Both of us taking turns stealing kisses from the other between the soft moans and heavy breathing. Our connection felt just as strong as it had been previously.

As Dieter got closer to his climax, he reached for my right hand, disentangling it from his hair and brought it to his mouth. After gently sucking and swirling his tongue around the tips of my fingers, he moved them to the bundle of nerves at my center, encouraging me to find my release with him while he worked to speed up our rhythm. With both of his hands placed firmly on my ass, fingers digging into the soft flesh there, he continued guiding my rocking movements against him. His eyes never left my face as he watched me come undone on top of him, quietly whispering praises against my lips as I got closer to the edge. Once my muscles started to clench down around him, he fell over the edge with me. Both of us letting out loud groans with our releases. His face fell forward into the crook of my neck, his hot breath blowing against me as I hugged him tightly, both of us trembling and sweaty from our activities.

We sat like that for several minutes, giving each other a chance to come down from our mutual high. He eventually lulled his head back to look up at me with a lazy smile on his face, which caused his eyes to crinkle in that way I loved. I leaned down to capture his pillowy bottom lip into a sensual kiss, knitting his hair in one hand while the other slid across the rough scruff on his cheek. He groaned into my mouth before breaking the kiss, then nuzzled his nose against mine.

Dieter let out a breathy laugh as he started twisting my hair around his fingers against the middle of my back with one hand, allowing the other to wander freely across my body as he studied my face, “I certainly wasn’t expecting to wake up to that. What has gotten into you this morning? Not that I’m complaining…”

“Well…it looks like you did.”

He snorted, “Seriously, where did that come from?”

I ran my hand down the side of his face to cup his cheek, “Oh, you know me…I’m really good at operations management. Just working through things to figure out the most efficient process for peak outcomes,” I said with a smirk.

He chuckled, “You know I think it’s hot when you’re all bossy. Give me fifteen minutes and we can test out that process again, ya know, and make sure it’s efficient…Actually, if you wanna take it up a few notches, I may only need ten.”

“Is that right?” I mumbled against his lips with a smile, he nodded in response before kissing me. We melted into each other, bodies pressed together as our tongues and hands explored every area of skin they could reach. It wasn’t long before I could feel him getting hard again.

Hours later, we laid in bed facing each other, with lazy smiles and blissfully spent. I had missed him like this, completely relaxed and carefree. Whatever block he had been experiencing seemed to now be non-existent as he lightly drug his fingers up and down the length of my bare side and randomly kissed me as we talked. The weight had lifted, allowing the spark of happiness to return to his eyes. His playfulness was on full display as he laughed at my words and threw in the occasional innuendo.

He grew quiet after a time, studying my face. His brows creased slightly as he took hold of my hand and brought it to his cheek for a moment, before closing his eyes and turning to kiss it gently. When he met my gaze again, I could see a range of emotions playing out across his expression.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

He smiled as he nuzzled his face into my hand, “You’ve always been able to read me so well. No one else knows how to do that.”

I scratched at his scruffy face and gave him an encouraging smile. He sighed, wrapping his arm around me to pull me snuggly against his chest before burying his face in the top of my hair.

“I was just thinking how lucky I am to have you…just kinda taking a minute to appreciate what I have and be hopeful for the future…Our future together.”

I could sense that wasn’t everything, “Is that all?”

He huffed out a small laugh into my hair, “No.”

Of course, I could tell it wasn’t. I pulled away some to meet his eyes, waiting for him to continue. He avoided my stare as he thought through his words. His brows knitted together, eyes turning glassy. I could tell he was fighting back emotions.

“I just…it’s hard not to be angry about the time we lost. It’s always gonna be one of my biggest regrets.”

I sat up on my elbow, cradling his face in my other hand, forcing him to look at me.

“You can’t move forward if you're dwelling on the past. You’re gonna have to let that go. I’m guilty of it too. I did it first, remember?”

His lips twitched upward at the memory.

“It was months. Why focus on a handful of shitty months when we have years ahead of us to look forward to?”

He smiled, leaning into my hand before pulling me down to meet his lips. It finally felt like we had gotten over our last major hurdle and could now focus on our future together.

A/N: And there we have it! Our two lovebirds are finally back together! How excited are you for that? And that journal entry - Swoon! 😍 How amazing did it feel for Dieter to tell Anna off for good and get rid of Ty? Do you think Rylee will come back to work with him? And how about him releasing a statement...Good or bad idea? Also, how adorable is he with all his worries? Poor thing with his performance anxiety...you all had to know his love of Talia's boss lady side was going to come into play at some point, right? So, it looks like I'm still on schedule to have one more chapter and an epilogue to finish this out. I almost split this one since it came in at over 10k words but decided against it. I threw in a few gifs to break it up a bit though. Can you feel that happy ending on the horizon now? Please feel free to show your enthusiasm with messages and reblogs. 😘 👉 In case you missed it, The Knight & His Queen was posted over the holidays. This is a four-part series I completed for the PedroStories Secret Santa event, and it has been posted in its entirety. It's another Dieter Bravo fic where our beloved trash panda takes a dive into the world of mystics, tarot readings, and love. Give it a read. It's fun, fluffy, and fairly angst free.

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lilithland · 4 months

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ok but like imagine you and your girl best friend are having a sleepover

and you two have always been super close and touchy with each other, you’ve even made out once or twice when you were drunk

it’s not uncommon for you two to share a bed and cuddle with one another, plationically of course

you’re half awake one night, about to fall right back asleep, barely conscious, when you feel a little more spread out than usual, a little more restricted too

you’re chilly and can feel your nipples hardening, you go to curl into a ball, about to seek out the warmth of your best friend but you find that you can’t move anything

you start to wake a little more and realize your tied wide open on your friends bed

“oh baby, shhhhh, go back to sleep”

you feel hazy and find yourself fighting to stay awake, you realize you’re naked and that’s why you’re so cold

your best friend drags a manicured finger down your body causing you to shiver

“you usually don’t wake up during this part, that’s ok, you won’t remember come morning”

you’re confused by her words but her fingers twisting and pinching at your nipples causes you to moan and throw your head back

“does princess need something to keep her quiet while mommy plays?”

you watch as your best friend takes her own panties off and stuffs them in your mouth, you can taste how soaked she was

“if youre a good girl maybe i’ll let you lick my pussy clean when we’re done”

you’ve never had sex with a woman before but your own leaky cunt is clearly thrilled by the idea

your friend starts sucking on your neck while simultanelmously teasing your entrance with her skilled fingers

she pulls away, bringing her fingers to her mouth to taste your girl juice that she collected

“mmmm you always taste so sweet princess”

she drops down and uses her tongue to fuck your drippy messy hole, she uses a thumb to rub figure eights over your clit

you cum embarrassingly fast, too stupid to process anything other than how good your best friend is making you feel

you’re drooling around the panties in your mouth, utterly blissed out, your own cum leaking down your best friends chin

your friend gets up and dissapears for a bit, leaving you a needy, squirmy, whiny mess

she returns with a double headed dildo and a vibrator

“i wonder just how many times we can get you to cum on this cock with me before you pass out and forget everything again babygirl, last week you made it to four but i think you can do at least six tonight”

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ghostofaboy · 5 months

Text

Rock Bottom - Poorly Worded

Two weeks after telling Benny about what Gavin had him doing, Frankie gets a chance to catch up with Tyler.

Pairing: Frankie “Catfish” Morale/Original Male Characters Rating: Explicit. Serious over 18s only Word count: 1714 Chapter: 22/?

Warnings: mentions of past drug use, mentions of past forced prostitution, talk of sex work

Note: This is a fic with gay and bi characters. Please make sure you read the tags/warnings. Header by @gasolinerainbowpuddles

Part 21 / Part 1 / Masterpost

Two weeks. Two excruciatingly long weeks since Frankie had sat with Benny and told him about Gavin pimping him out. Two weeks since Benny had looked at him with such pity that Frankie had emptied his stomach into the trash can in Benny’s kitchen before apologetically leaving. Two weeks since he’d last spoke to his former squad mate.

To try and distract himself, Frankie had thrown himself into his work. Malcolm still had no work at the shop, so instead Frankie had found himself working more at Tilly’s. Tilly was out of the country, so it had just been him with Henry, one of Tilly’s men, occasionally dropping by. Henry was nice enough and had even dropped off a coffee machine for Frankie to use in the garage.

Other than work, Frankie had been texting with Tyler. Tyler had been away filming some videos with a friend in Los Angeles. Frankie had been both hurt and relieved to hear Tyler had been working away. Hurt that Tyler hadn’t told him, but relieved that he hadn’t been deliberately ignoring Frankie. As soon as he’d returned, Tyler had text Frankie an apology for being out of contact, explaining that his phone had been damaged during the flight out to California and how much he’d missed Frankie.

Tonight was going to be the first time seeing Tyler in a long time, and Frankie wanted everything to be perfect. With so much free time on his hands, Frankie had spent the day cleaning his apartment from top to bottom. By the time he was finished, the apartment was practically sparkling, and Frankie was sure the place hadn’t been this tidy since he’d first moved in. Everything and every room was clean, bedsheets changed and Frankie had even cooked. He wasn’t the best chef, but what he could make he made damn well. With food ready in the oven, Frankie was just wiping down the counter when he heard a knock at his door.

Anxiously straightening his t-shirt and smoothing his hair as he made his way to the door, Frankie let out a few calming breaths. Opening it, Frankie’s heart leapt as he was greeted by Tyler’s handsome, smiling face.

“Hey you.” Tyler wrapped his arms around Frankie, pulling him into a tight hug. “Fucking missed you.”

“I missed you so much.” Frankie mumbled into Tyler’s neck, breathing in the younger man’s scent.

“Come on.” Tyler pulled back, still smiling. “Let’s take this inside. Your neighbors will talk.”

Laughing, Frankie stepped aside for Tyler before following him inside. Tyler let out a whistle looking around nodding.

“Wow babe.” Tyler chuckled, grabbing Frankie and pulling him into another embrace. “Look at this place. Very tidy. You’ve been busy.”

“Wanted everything to be nice for you.” Frankie murmured into Tyler’s lips. Tyler sighed happily, parting his lips to allow Frankie entrance.

Frankie let his eye flutter shut as he eased his tongue against Tyler’s. He could feel Tyler pressing himself against Frankie, as their hands began to wander over the other’s body. The world melted away until there was only him and Tyler standing in his sitting room, devouring each other. After what felt like an eternity and a split second simultaneously, Frankie broke the kiss, gasping for air.

“I missed this.” Tyler nuzzled his neck, leaving a trail of wet kisses up to behind his ear. “I’m sorry I’ve been so weird. There’s no excuse.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault.” Frankie pulled back to look Tyler in the eyes. “It can’t be easy knowing what Tilly wants me for.”

“Dude, I fuck people for a living.” Tyler shook his head. “I just flew to L.A. to fuck two guys. I have no right to get pissy with you.”

“Not gonna lie and say that doesn’t make me jealous. Maybe we should just not talk about our jobs.” Frankie shrugged, but Tyler continued to shake his head.

“No.” Tyler pulled Frankie over to the sofa, wrapping him up in a tight hug once they were both seated. “Look, while I was staying with my buddy, I told him what was up. Not everything but the gist. He set me straight.” Tyler let out a laugh. “Told me I was being a shitty boyfriend. So from now on I want you to know you can talk to me about anything.”

Frankie could feel his cheeks heating up and his cock twitch as Tyler said the word boyfriend. They’d never put a name to this thing they had, but hearing Tyler say it now made Frankie feel seventeen again.

“Have you gone all quiet cos I said boyfriend?” Tyler chuckled in his ear, snapping Frankie out of his thoughts.

“Yes.” Frankie nodded, ducking his head down into the crook of Tyler’s neck, giggling. “Never had a boyfriend before.”

“And your first one is scandalously young?” Tyler let out an exaggerated fake gasp. “Frank Morales. What will people say?”

“Francisco.” Frankie kissed Tyler’s cheek. “My first name is Francisco, but people call me Frankie, or Frank, or Fish. Well, Catfish.”

“Francisco. I like it. Oh yeah!” Tyler sat up straight, untangling himself from Frankie. “You never did tell me why that’s your nickname.”

“How about I tell you while we eat.” Frankie leaned forward, planting another kiss on the tip of Tyler’s nose. “I cooked.”

After their stomachs were full and the sky was dark, Frankie joined Tyler on the sofa again to watch TV. Tyler chatted happily, asking Frankie what he wanted to watch, but it didn’t matter. So long as he could lay on the sofa with Tyler pulled close to his chest, Frankie was happy. As the hours drifted by, Frankie could feel himself starting to doze, lulled by the warmth of Tyler’s body against his own. His eyes felt heavy and he was aware of his head dropping back every few moments as he began to nod off.

Suddenly his phone let out a series of beeps, indicating he had a message, as well as vibrating in his pocket. Both he and Tyler jumped at the unexpected noise, before both laughing softly. Digging his phone out of his pocket, Frankie squinted at the screen as Tyler climbed up off the sofa.

“I think I fell asleep.” The younger man grinned, stretching his arms up over his head, exposing his stomach as his t-shirt rode up slightly. “Everything ok?”

“Yeah.” Frankie frowned at his phone. “No. Fuck.”

Dropping back down onto the sofa, Tyler began rubbing Frankie’s leg. “What’s up? Who is it?”

“My friend Ben.” Frankie sat up, his eyes still fixed on the phone. “I… I told him about the stuff for Gavin.”

“Oh. When?”

“Couple of weeks ago.” Frankie swallowed hard, reading over Benny’s message again. “We’ve not spoken since. He told me he needed time to process it all. He’s just sent me a text saying that he’s sorry for leaving it so long and how sorry he is that that happened to me. I don’t know how to feel about that.”

“I get that.” Tyler nodded, still rubbing Frankie’s leg. “It’s not the best way to word it, but your friend is upset that he couldn’t do anything to help you out of that situation. That’s how I felt when I found out. How much did you tell him?”

“Not everything.” Frankie shrugged, throwing his phone onto the coffee table. “He already knew I’d been pimped out, and I think he guessed what for. But I didn’t tell him about the videos or Tilly.”

“Why not?”

Frankie let out a harsh laugh. “I’m ashamed. What I’m doing for Tilly… I don’t want people to know. I don’t even like saying it out loud. But this is my job now. My full time job soon. I finish my notice at Malcolm’s next week. Fuck.” Frankie jumped to his feet and started to pace.

“Fuck.” He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what I’m fucking doing, and one of my oldest friends says he’s sorry it happened to me. But all of this… it’s still going on. Plus, I made this mess. I’m not some fucking passive damsel. I let Gavin do those things to me because I wanted drugs. It was my choice. I choose to work for Tilly. I made this.”

“Yeah, working for Tilly isn’t ideal babe.” Tyler stood and pulled Frankie into a gentle hug. “But we’ll figure it out. Right now Tilly is your only income, but you know I can help you with that. But only if you want to do it. I’d never push you into doing vids.”

“I’m not opposed to doing them.” Frankie sighed. “And they would mean money that isn’t coming from Tilly, but they create the same problem I’m worried about with Tilly and the videos Gavin made.”

“That someone you know will see them?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok.” Tyler stepped back to look Frankie in the face. “I don’t know what to do about Tilly and Gav’s vids. Yet. But any you did with me would be behind a paywall on specific sites. Someone would have to go looking for them.”

“I know.” Frankie let out a long sigh, dropping back down to slump on the sofa. “I’m just scared, I guess. That all this will be used against me if I try to get my daughter back.”

“I don’t have the answers babe, I’m sorry.” Tyler stood up, offering his hands to pull Frankie back to his feet. “All we can try to do is make a plan to deal with it if it happens. Look, let’s get some sleep. It’s late, we’re both tired. In the morning things might feel less… I dunno…”

“Less shit?” Frankie laughed mirthlessly as he followed Tyler into the bedroom. “You’re right. I thought it would be the end of the world if Ben found out about Gavin, but it wasn’t. It doesn’t feel fucking good, but he still wants to know me, so that’s something.”

“Exactly.” Tyler began pulling off his clothes before climbing into bed. “We’ll figure it out. Now come here.” Tyler opened his arms wide and Frankie crawled into bed and into Tyler’s warm embrace. Perhaps his young boyfriend was right, perhaps everything would feel better in the morning.

#frankie morales #frankie 'catfish' morales #francisco 'catfish' morales #francisco morales #triple frontier #frankie morales x male character #frankie morales x original male character(s)#rock bottom fic #Friends of juice collective

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pedroshotwifey · 4 months

Text

Christmas Countdown Day 17 - Mulled Wine

Treat

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Word count: 1.7k (on the dot)

Tags/Warnings: no use of y/n, smut, fluff, daddy kink, piv sex, DIRTY dirty talk, soft dom joel, but also degrading nicknames (in a loving way), idk y'all its 2:00 am rn, frottage, stuff i'm forgetting

Summary: Joel thanks you for your consideration

A/N: I'm so tired, but I think this turned out pretty good. Lots of dirty talk. Idk. I'm putting this in my queue and passing tf out. Idk what happened bc this was supposed to be sweet and then it turned so dirty.

****

You watch Joel from the window as you finish stirring your ingredients one final time. It had been a bit of a struggle to get everything you needed to create a mulled wine, but you had done it.

Joel had mentioned to you in passing how he used to drink it around Christmas time before the outbreak. He’d invite Tommy over and the brothers would sit at the kitchen table with Sarah.

Joel would sip on his wine while Tommy indulged on his usual beer, absolutely refusing to touch Joel’s “sissy drink”. Sarah had asked once if she could have a mug of it, and so she ended up with a warm apple cider.

The story had made you laugh, you could almost see Tommy teasing Joel while Sarah whined for her own “sissy drink”.

They would sit around with their respective drinks after decorating the tree and recall fond memories. It was one of Joel’s favorite traditions back then, and you could tell he had a hard time opening up about it.

He’s been doing so much better with it lately–opening up to you. He used to not let a thing slip, but since you’ve settled in Jackson with Ellie, he’s been able to relax a bit. You don’t try to rush it, but you’re happy that he’s finally able to do so.

You sigh contentedly as you divide the wine into two steaming mugs. Looking back out the window, you can see Joel coming back up from the shed where Ellie had insisted on living. He’s halfway back to the main house now.

You think it’s cute, but also good for her, that she wanted to be independent. Though you would hate to be any farther from her. You know Joel feels the same way with how much he talks about it and goes over there to fix small things for her.

Just now, he had been over there re-caulking the window frames. He’s been worried about how cold it might be getting in there lately with all the snow outside.

Just then, Joel opens the door, a blast of frosty air blowing in with him and making you shiver. He notices you immediately, a smile adorning his rosy features.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he says as he starts to pull his gloves off. “What’re you doin?”

You step to him, starting to help him with his thick leather jacket. He sets his gloves down on the kitchen counter and allows you to pry the coat off.

“Just making a treat,” you say, trying to hide the excitement in your voice.

“Oh?” Joel questions with a slight chuckle at your vague answer. “What kinda treat?”

You bite your lip to suppress your smile as you hang his coat up on the rack by the door before backtracking to the stove. You pick up the two steaming mugs of wine and walk back to him.

Joel knows what it is as soon as you pass him his mug. He looks down at it, then at you with nothing but love and gratitude. Not only had you remembered him talking about how much he enjoyed it, but you had gone out of your way to do something nice for him.

You watch him, trying to gauge his reaction. It did cross your mind once or twice while making it that he might not appreciate it because of the memories. That it might bring back things he didn’t want to think about. It didn’t seem likely–maybe a few months ago it would have–but not now. It had still been nagging you nonetheless.

It definitely doesn’t look like that’s the case, though, with the way Joel takes both of the mugs and sets them down to engulf you in a hug. He holds you close to him and whispers a small “thank you, baby” into your hair.

You smile into his chest, your arms wrapped tightly around him.

“You’re welcome, Joel,” you say, pulling your head back. He dips down to kiss you slowly, and you bring one of your hands up to thread into his fluffy graying hair. Joel groans into your lips and keeps ahold of you as he leads you backwards into the living room, your lips staying together as much as possible.

Once he reaches the couch, he sits down, pulling you on top of him. You shift to get situated in his lap, the two of you separating to catch your breath. Keeping eye contact, you grind down on him, making him groan as you pass over his bulge.

“Careful, darlin’,” Joel warns. “Keep that up and I ain’t gonna go easy on you.”

You smile mischievously at him as you do it again, and this time as he groans, he puts his hands over your hips and helps you do it. You allow him to drag you across him, his dick hardening with each pass.

Your clit catches on the fabric of his jeans, making you moan sweetly as you place your forehead on his shoulder.

“Feels good,” you whine as the pressure increases.

“Bet it does,” Joel teases. “My whore’s so starved she can get her little pussy off rubbin’ on my fuckin’ jeans.”

You moan louder at his words as you gyrate your hips, feeling a warmth starting to take over in your belly.

“Yeah, you gonna come like this?” Joel asks.

You just nod, letting him feel your agreement. You’re so close, just a couple more seconds.

“Alright then, go ahead, baby. Come on daddy’s lap with that slutty little cunt.”

And you do. You moan loudly as your movements grow more frantic, your cum seeping out and slicking up your clit to make the glide more pleasurable. The feeling of your pussy throbbing around nothing is almost a tease when you have Joel’s cock within reach.

He seems to know what you’re thinking, because as soon as you stop moving, he reaches for your pants. He unzips them and pats your thigh to make you get up before pulling them and your ruined panties down your thighs and having your step out of them.

You quickly get back onto his lap, covering his lips with yours in a sloppy kiss as he begins to work at his own pants. You can feel the moment he pulls his cock out, and you look down to admire it. You’ve always thought he has such a beautiful cock. Seems fitting for him.

His tip is already an angry red, leaking pre-cum which lubricates his thick shaft as he pumps himself a couple times.

“C’mon, baby, get up here on daddy’s cock. Don’t make me wait.”

You quickly obey, sitting up on your knees to notch him at your entrance. You sink down on him, moaning as he grunts. Your hands fly to his shoulders as he bottoms out, allowing you to adjust for a second.

It is only a second though, before he starts to thrust up into you. You moan at the first punch of his cock against your cervix. He places his hands back on your hips and assists you on bouncing on him.

“Tha’s it, baby,” Joel praises. “Never get tired of this messy fucking pussy. She’s always so hungry for me.”

You whine in agreement as you lift yourself up and down, a wet squelch coming from between your legs each time you fill yourself. Joel gazes into your eyes as you struggle to keep yours open. His teeth grit each time he hits a spot that makes you squeeze around him.

“Feel so good, daddy,” you tell him as you admire the thin sheen of sweat beginning to cover his golden skin. “I-you-I–”

“I know, honey,” Joel cuts you off. “Cockdrunk already.”

His condescending tone never fails to get you going. You fucking love it when he treats you like this, because you know that it’s not real. Just for now, you get to be his slut, his little fuck toy. Joel would never dream of speaking to you like this any other way.

You just nod at him, feeling your second orgasm approach. Joel begins to thrust quicker into you, making you whine with each punch.

“Yeah, I can feel it, baby. Let go for me.”

It only takes a few more thrusts before you’re coming around him, flooding his cock with your cum. The extra lubrication makes it even easier for him to slide in and out of you, and he takes full advantage of that, fucking your thorugh your orgasm at full speed.

“So damn tight n wet,” Joel grits out. “Poor pussy just can’t control ‘erself.”

“Mnm, she needs you, daddy,” you confirm, your eyes closed now as you rest on his shoulder again. Your legs are starting to ache, but you continue your movements as much as you can so Joel isn’t doing all the work, though you’re sure he wouldn’t mind too much.

His pace begins to falter and get more frantic as he gets closer to his own end.

“G-Gonna come on this little cunt,” he tells you through tight teeth. “Mark you all up n watch it drip off’a you.”

“Please, Joel, want your cum so bad.”

You can feel the way he pulses as he gets closer, watch the way he bites his plush bottom lip to contain himself.

He suddenly pulls you up hard, his cock falling out of you just in time to coat your pussy lips with his warm cum. He groans as he runs his tip just barely onto you, letting the sligh friction lengthen his high.

When he comes down, he places you gently back on his lap, his spent cock nestled between the two of you. You both breath heavily in a comfortable silence, and you almost fall asleep until you remember the wine.

“Wait, Joel–”

“It’s good room-temp too,” he says, his eyes cracked open just slightly. You scowl playfully at him, slapping his chest lightly.

“Or we could warm it back up. Jus’ sit here a minute, darlin. I’m too damn old for this shit.”

You giggle at him but comply, resting your head back on his chest. The wine will just have to wait.

****

Thank you for reading! lemme know If you wanna join the countdown taglist :)

FOTJC: @arcanefox207 @redhotkitchen @magpiepills @exquisiteserotonin @sparklefarts38 @pink-whiskey-woman @youandmeand5bucks @legendary-pink-dot @for-a-longlongtime @secretelephanttattoo @morallyinept @beskarandblasters @tightjeansjavi @theywhowriteandknowthings @nerdieforpedro @maggiemayhemnj @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @ghostofaboy @joels-shitty-puns @elvinaa

WCC: @amyispxnk @melaninmommy @brittmb115 @mandoalorian @yorksgirl

Link to prompt list

#friends of the juice collective #pedro pascal #fan fiction #ao3 #smut #pedro pascal smut #fluff #joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller fluff #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #tlou fanfiction

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exquisiteserotonin · 13 days

Text

Precious Possessions 10: Every Rule

Pairing: Dave York X F! Reader (Original Female Character)

Rating: E is for Explicit - 18+ only 🔞MDNI🔞

Previous | Next | Masterlist

Word count: 7401

Summary: Firefly takes some time for clarity and understanding about everything and everyone, including the role she plays in Dave's life and the one he plays in hers.

Warning: This chapter is incredibly PLOT heavy...and while it absolutely 100% includes Dave, is very focused on reader and her feelings for and about him. Angst. Religious symbolism. Angst. Violence. Angst. PiV sex - wrap it up lovahs, riding, mild restraints, creampie. Angst. Once again please DNI if you are not 18 and over. Also not beta'd, so all errors are my own. Please be kind.

A/N: Thanks to all my babes who encourage me to continue writing even though it can be fucking hard and so personal especially when you put your heart and soul into each character. Also, if you are familiar with the Equalizer trilogy then you will know and understand some of this.

@youandmeand5bucks @pink-whiskey-woman @redhotkitchen @arcanefox207 @legendary-pink-dot @sparklefarts38 @morallyinept @secretelephanttattoo

Taglist: @nerdieforpedro @sheepdogchick3 @casa-boiardi @missladym1981 @untamedheart81 @drewharrisonwriter @guelyury

“Lying on top of you is one thing, but getting close to you is another. I feel close to you, one with you, you’re mine whether it is acknowledged or not.”—Henry Miller

In the morning you awoke with a start, reaching for an alarm clock that didn’t sound, for a body that wasn’t there. Morning light whispered through the paper-thin curtains, shining on the bare stone wall. Working together with the gentle breeze from outside, a slow sense of calm began to hold you. Seabirds and salt air surrounded you as you opened a window—a wooden shutter with three slats crooked, broken, and beautiful, the only barrier to a rectangle shaped hole in the stone.

Slow and easy, sometimes boring—those were your mornings since you had arrived. You stumbled through the first few days like an infant taking its first steps. No electronics, no real connection to the outside world, relying on shuffling through pages of a pocket-sized English to Italian dictionary to navigate your way through the occasional brief conversations you had with the Altamonte locals as you gathered your bearings.

The constant overthinking presented an obstacle to overcome. By your eighth day there, the simplicity of life wouldn’t allow it. Neighbors shouted morning greetings through open and bright green shutters as you dressed. A t-shirt, white and crisp, a pair of well-loved jeans, and a black leather jacket finished with a pair of white sneakers. A uniform or sorts, you thought, as you descended the stairs from your apartment. A passerby could have been a mirror image of you just by clothing alone. Was this what people meant by “dressing like a local”?

At a nearby café, your ability to blend in was tested as you found your place in a sea of color neutrality, sitting at the lone empty table near the front door. A youthful and friendly server who looked to be no older than 17 approached you, her raven curls atop her head bounced when she stopped. Not a line tempered her smooth, dark olive skin as she flipped open her notepad with a smile.

“Cosa desidera Lei?”

“Un caffe per fevore,” you replied, with the young server nodding in acknowledgement at your order.

From your purse you grabbed a journal of worn, brown leather. Its corners curled upward from opening and closing it frequentlly The pages lay ruffled and beaten with the gift of constant use. Your fingers also grasped a pen lost in the depths of your bag that met you like an old friend that had come to save you in your time of need. The ink flowed from your pen to the paper as you wrote about the salt air, the distant cawing of seagulls skimming the shore, and the mist of calm that seemed to settle over every corner of the town.

You turned your head to look through the clean windows into the cafe to observe the locals—individuals, couples, families. The images of them gleamed like reflections on a stream. In the window, you imagined Dave next to you—a mirage, a specter haunting and present no matter how hard you tried to push it away. In the back of your head, you asked yourself: Do I really want to?

“Buongiorno!” a voice rich and deep in time and timber reached out to you.

A newly familiar face greeted you. His hands, like his voice, showed evidence of assuredness through lines of time and wisdom that were beginning to settle on the backs of his hands. The smile lines on his face were set dark and deep into his face, indisputable evidence of living.

“Buongiorno, Dottore!” you exclaimed, standing up to take his hands and give him a kiss on each cheek.

“Everyday, at the same time, I see you here,” the rich melody of his voice and the kind smile he gave you managed to whisk away the chill that coursed through your blood, if only for a moment.

“Well, the calm is a nice…change,” you mused and paused for a moment, contemplating if you really believed your own words.

Enzo settled down in the chair next to you, the smile beneath his mustache was warm and fatherly. As he sat next to you, the young server returned carrying two small cups of coffee for both you and Enzo. You observed closely as Aminita, as Enzo lovingly called her, greeted him with greater familiarity than you had combined with an even greater respect. He spoke to her with the kindness of a doting grandfather. Bits and pieces of their melodic words met your ears, the depths of your brain manipulating them until you worked out their meaning in English.

“So, what have you seen since you have been here?” Enzo inquired as he settled into a chair next to you.

“Oh, it’s only been a few days, but,” you sighed with a dramatic pause, “just having the ocean right here has been more than enough.”

Enzo smiled back at you and his eyes glimmered with excitement and wonder. It was the kind of gleam that you had only seen among young children and the old. Pressing his hands together he stood up and waved at you in a gesture for you to finish your coffee. You sipped as quickly as you could, your coffee just on the right side of warm---the cozy kind of warmth that wrapped you in an invisible hug on a cold day.

“Andiamo,” he urged you as you swallowed the last of it. “Come on, I’ll show you the real Altomonte.”

“Ok, ok!” you replied, conceding to him.

Uncomfortably, you chugged the last bit of coffee with an audible hiss before you stood up. You took quick steps over the cobblestone streets as you followed Enzo. His gait was quick and determined for a 60-year-old. A smile curled at the corners of your lips as you watched him skip ahead of you with more excitement than a tour guide being paid to show you the village.

He walked you through one of the many archways of the town, this one longer than others. The path was just wide enough to allow for the regular flow of movement brought to life by the villagers. What greeted you through the arch was more life than you had expected, not dark and dank as you had presumed. Nestled along the stone walls were market vendors selling homemade wears of rosaries, crucifixes made of wood from olive trees, and hand-embroidered scarves delicately adorned with intricate, swirling designs. You could feel your mouth drop open in awe as you caressed your fingers along a deep blue scarf with two white lilies embroidered at each corner. You were certain that the elderly woman who made this was grossly underestimating the time and talent it took her to fashion such a unique and beautiful item. A small, rectangular piece of paper lay on top of the scarf and written in ballpoint pen was the price of a mere 50 euros.

“Beautiful, yes?” Enzo remarked with a smile.

His eyebrows were raised as he looked back at you. Reaching into your purse you pulled out your beige, leather pocketbook to procure a one hundred euro note. It called to you, that foreign feeling that you so rarely experienced of reaching for something that you just knew you had to have. It had only happened once before.

Your hand trembled slightly as you handed the woman the euro note, a sign of the thoughts of Dave that took hold of you. As the woman took it, the wrinkles around her smoothed from her wide-open eyes. The look of shock overcame her as she examined the note. She waved at you, her tone an odd mixture of gratitude and scolding that could come only from a strong Italian woman.

“Ti prego di prenderlo,” you insisted in as humble a tone as you could. “E magnifica.”

You watched in earnest as Enzo spoke to the woman, conceding to her and talking her down until she stared back at you with a satisfied glimmer in her eye while handing you the scarf. Immediately, you tied it loosely around your shoulders while following Enzo’s lead ahead of you. As you sauntered through the cobble stoned streets, Enzo pointed out the fish market. The owner, Angelo, waved at you alongside his wife and son as they proudly arranged fresh fish on piles of ice—waiting for villagers to snatch them up for their evening meal.

The sunlight greeted you on the other end of the archway, where ancient stone walls guarded each side and where Enzo stood at the foot of a steep set of stairs. He turned around to you and gestured towards the steps with excitement surging through his fingertips.

“Have you gone up to visit the church?“

Your gaze followed Enzo’s upward to a church set into the mountains, that stood proud with its pristine ivory in color that was brighter against the lush, green foliage of the mountainside. A hint of premature frustration crept beneath your skin as you mentally took in the slope of the stairs. You were in good shape, you had to be. Yet your legs automatically ached with a phantom pain that you knew would come from traversing the steep climb to the church.

Enzo gestured for you to come over, picking up one foot after another over narrow and steep stairs. The waves of the Mediterranean crashed over the walls guarding the village. The fresh salt air traveled with the breeze until it began to dance in your hair.

“Climb these steps every day and you’ll be young the rest of your life,” he teased, “That is my doctor’s order for you.”

Something between a laugh and a gasp escaped you before he gestured for you to catch up. When you finally did, your eyes settled on the weathered rock as the air caressed your hair and your lungs filled with deep, cooling breath that led to a wistful sigh.

“Come on, old man!” You took the chance to take a break from your jog to rib your dark-haired companion as he fought to catch his breath standing amidst a steep, but beautiful set of stairs.

You rocked your hips back and forth as you kept your feet bouncing from side-to-side in a stationary jog. He looked up at you, gathering his hands at his hips as sweat began to gather at the center of his charcoal-colored t-shirt, clinging to his lean, but broad-shouldered form. Not one speck of amusement found itself on his face as he glared at you. The steadiness of his stare caused you to slow your jog to merely stepping your feet beneath you. When a smile finally slid over the surface of his pouty lips, his eyes bore into you, heavy, dark, and tempting --- the look of the devil you always wanted to know.

“I’ll be generous,” you recalled him saying, his words dripping like the sweetest nectar from the most forbidden flower, “and give you a head start.”

“Just like you to assume I need one,” you challenged as you stood above him, placing your hands on your hips.

He readied himself a few steps below you, a determined glint in his brown eyes that sent a chill scurrying up and down your spine. Simultaneously, it sent a warm, throbbing sensation at your center as he looked you up and down. He doubled down on his threat, setting himself in a starting stance to race up the stairs. You followed suit, turning your back away from him, trying to keep your focus ahead of you. His very presence behind you already threatened to consume you and though he was steps below you, you swore you could feel the heat of his exhales rippling on the back of your neck.

And with no warning, he spoke, “Run.”

The memory of you leaping up the stairs traveled through your feet as you slowly made your way up the steep stairs leading to the church. It was silly really��the present was just a moving dichotomy of your memory.

You didn’t dare look behind you. Doing so would have meant certain defeat. An feeling of nervousness mixed with intrigue filled you as you ran, ran, ran as fast as you could. The sense of him gaining on you heightened through every pore. Your feet pounded on the steps and your arms swung tightly with each quick stride. Quick breaths rattled from your lips as you focused your eyes to the top of the majestic stairs. Cockiness lined your lips into a premature victory smile, when you suddenly felt a pair of hands grab at your hips, forcing you to slow down to a rhythm that matched his body. You felt the heat of his warm fingers wrapped around your elbow as he pulled you into a dark, concealed alley. Breathing even harder than when you were running, Dave pressed you against the wall, his hips rolling against yours.

His face was so close that you could smell the clean, yet intoxicating sweat that collected upon his skin that had been made golden with Sicilian sun. Each breath he drew was quick and in time with yours. A quick gasp escaped you as you felt his warm hand lower to skim the waist of your leggings, his thick fingers. A shiver circulated through your body as he toyed with the elastic band.

“When are you going to learn, Firefly?” he growled into your ear, his lips brushing at your neck and earlobe. “I’m always going to catch you.”

***

“Bella! Bella!”

Enzo’s voice sounded through the cloud of your memory. Without even really being cognizant of it, you had made it to the top of the ancient stairs. The breeze blew stronger at this height, whipping your hair across your face. As you brushed your waves back, your eyes beheld how the wind danced on the rich, blue water and how it made ripples that shimmered with the golden sun.

“You see, all this makes Altamonte,” he gestured to the church, the statues, and the paintings of the woman.

You stared at the wonder and pride in his eyes. Somehow, you knew he meant more than just this place. If he could, he would just stretch his arms from here to the ocean. From his voice that trembled with pride and from the gleam that shined in his eyes, you knew. Only an act of God could wash it away.

“Come in child,” he said, as he gestured you over to the door of the church.

“Oh no, I’m not religious,” you said as your shoulders shrunk from the discomfort of the words.

You didn’t need proselytizing.

“You think she cares?” Enzo asked, already halfway through the threshold of the church. “But you choose.”

Humoring him, you stepped inside. An unexpected shiver oscillated, tapped, and pricked over your body. Goosebumps arose beneath your sweater. The cold that lived in the walls easily could have trapped you, threatening to take away whatever life you felt beneath your skin. Instead, it invigorated you as they made union with the warm colors of the sun that painted the walls of church like they were her own, personal canvas. You peeked through the windows that let that light in. Each had a perfect view of the village. The beauty had you holding your breath as you marveled at how the stone buildings gathered together and overlooked the bluest water you’d ever seen.

When you finally let yourself breathe again, you found a seat next to Enzo. He knelt in reverence, his eyes closed and hands clasped together. The flicker of several candles set the room aglow, his flame burning brightly among the many.

You, on the other hand, sat with quiet patience. It was more like a museum to you. Your eyes settled over the statues and paintings that adorned the church. So much adoration for a woman filled in a church that was ostensibly governed by men.

Maybe they had it wrong, you thought. Maybe the church was meant to be built upon the shoulders of a matriarch who chose her path of raising a leader, instead of a girl who was bestowed the gift of raising a savior. The way these thoughts meandered through your mind was nearly enough to make you laugh. Sometimes you shouldn’t be left to your own thoughts.

Enzo settled back into pew in the empty space next to you. A deep sigh escaped him as he turned his head to you. His eyes softened in concern. A slight discomfort pressed onto your shoulders as you navigated your response to the kindness.

“People always come and rest here, some pray, some meditate until they find an answer,” Enzo said, his voice imbued with the notes of great wisdom. “Even me.”

You nodded in acknowledgement, waiting for him to continue.

“And you, too, correct?” He asked.

He didn’t even entertain you with the space or time to answer, not that you had one to give him. Not one that was truthful by any means. Instead, you nodded and waited for whatever wisdom he was ready to give you.

“I don’t judge,” he stated with a look so deep with thought and an undercurrent of pain that you knew his words were true, “Nothing good comes from it.”

He sighed again. The weight of whatever memory he was holding was heavy on his shoulders. The tired lines around his eyes seemed to grow in real time, a remnant of the pain that remained.

“I’m not trying to…ehm…intrude in your personal business,” he paused to find the words, “but are you really here for rest, to find peace, as you say? Or…are you running from something?”

And there it was: the truth. It had never left. In that moment you could have felt anger, maybe something bordering on hatred for someone cornering the truth out of you. But you didn’t, not this time. You met the doctor’s gaze with the same hesitancy of a child who was hiding something from a parent. Without words, he knew the answer but bore no judgment against you. Instead, he patted you reassuringly on the hand as you took in the warmth of the flickering flames at the altar.

The sky was a bolder blue against the midday sun as you took your sojourn back to the main square. It seemed impossible that you’d spent as much time in the church as you had. Enzo held onto your arm lightly as you climbed down the steep stairs. A steady stream of pedestrians began to fill the cobblestone streets as you ambled through corridors from which you came. As you walked through the town, the warm and smiling faces of the locals continued to greet you even as Enzo departed from you to continue with his day.

The remainder of your day moved in an ethereal mixture of fast and slow. From the time you made it back into town you were able to stroll along the seashore, allowing yourself to bathe in the wind as you dug your toes in the sand to buying bread from the local bakery and enjoying it with a cup of tea you watched the sky melt into shades of coral, purple, and then blue as the sun disappeared beneath the horizon.

As a deeper blue settled in the sky, the evening sounds of Altamonte whispered in a different way than the sounds of the morning. The vibrations were buzzed with an energy that was somehow enlivening but calming at the same time. It should have called you to join everyone. Instead, you let the sounds energize through the open window of your apartment. And you waited as the locals left the restaurants, drunkenly and lovingly alive. The whispers of the night called you as they always had, as they always would. While the citizens of Altamonte were beginning to turn in for the night, you dressed yourself and immersed yourself in the comfort of the late night.

You approached a restaurant a few blocks from your apartment. A low, heavy feeling struck you in your stomach. Something pulled at your shoulders, tight and aggressive until it pressed and pulled at the skin of your throat. The invisible intensity threatened you with an unsettling and ominous aggression. You tensed into defensive mode as you moved closer and closer to the scene. Loud clatters of silverware and the dragging of chairs against the cobblestone streets set you into a stance that you only ever needed when a job with Dave and the team called for it.

You dashed with light steps across the cobblestone to gain a better vantage point of the situation. Despite yourself, you heard Dave’s voice in your head as though he was walking you through a training exercise.

“Your brain is your best asset. Read, know, and breathe the situation and you have the upper hand.”

You slinked closer as your eyes focused on the situation before you. The threat: two men. His frame was wiry. He couldn’t have been more than 5’9” you surmised. His dark, wavy hair was slicked back, and the ends curled just past his ears. What he lacked in stature he made up for with menace. His stare was wide and manic as he loitered among the tables strutting forward towards a beautiful, young waitress who’d been cleaning the tables outside. The thin man’s counterpart was noticeably taller and more physically imposing. He stood with an unwavering posture, his wide shoulders. He had a closely cropped haircut, and a brow that dipped down into a deep frown that seemed permanently affixed to his face.

Fear darkened the face of a young woman’s face as the thin man continued to advance on her, trapping her among tables and into a corner. The owner, her father, stood in the doorway, his feet ready to stomp forward and rescue his daughter. A few strands of her hair fell over her face as she gestured to him to stay inside the restaurant. Two heavy and threatening hands belonging to the burly crony pushed her father back impeding any heroic action he might attempt. The thumping of your heartbeat was fast and loud in the silence of the night, fast enough and loud enough for you to take a deep breath with the hopes of calming it.

“Collateral damage is always messy and always a liability. Blend in: the less remarkable you are, the less of a target you become.”

With Dave’s instruction resonating in your head, you closed in on the restaurant picking up your pace to a light jog. The thin goon continued to advance upon the young woman as her father struggled against the tall man’s hold, keeping their attention from you. It was as though panic traversed through her body the closer you came. The fear that seemed to hide behind her eyes thumped toward you, pumping you with adrenaline and readiness. He held her hostage with a lascivious scowl as he pushed a strand of hair from her face. His hands grabbed the back of her neck, each finger white with violence as he dragged her forward, her skin already red with pain beneath his vice grip. Both men, so arrogant against the struggle of their captives, paid you no attention.

“Let them underestimate you, then you can always find a way to get the upper hand.”

All at once a scream from the waitress, yells, and grunts from her father as he struggled, rose in the air as you lunged towards the thin man forcing his grip from the young woman. Adrenaline pumped through every one of your veins as you pulled his thumb backwards and shoved him back with concentrated strength as you simultaneously pulled the gun that he so arrogantly placed in the waistline of his pants. Losing his footing, he stumbled backwards to the ground. You stood protectively in front of the girl as his brutish sidekick attempted to lunge toward you.

The man raised his eyebrows for a moment and lifted the corner of his lips into a disgusting smirk. He was big and monstrous. You analyzed how each movement was stifled by how grotesquely bulbous his muscles were. Your foot was already hooked to the leg of one of the metal chairs closest to you. In the second he lunged in your directions, you lifted and ejected the chair at his solar plexus. With an additional, forceful stomp of your foot to his chest that knocked him to the ground.

In the time it had taken you to knock them to the ground, the waitress and her father had escaped inside, and the sound of a police horn approached quickly. You looked down on the two men and brushed a few wayward strands of hair from your face. Adrenaline rushed from your veins to the tips of your fingers.

The two men stood up, attempting to smooth out the wrinkles of their expensive Italian suits. The thin man glared at you with his hand placed protectively at his chest. It burned still from the pain you inflicted upon him.

“I think that’s your signal to leave,” you stated with a voice as steadfast as your stance. You kept your hands tightly on his firearm.

With one more snarl, the men disappeared into the night. The motor of their car rumbled off, growing quieter the further they drove into the night. It was silent and more of Dave’s words surrounded you.

“Never call attention to yourself, but if you have no choice, you need a plan to leave fast.”

The young waitress and her family looked at you, their eyes gleaming with grateful tears. The only thing you felt you could give was a nod. Receiving gratitude, handshakes, and hugs weren’t anything you were prepared or willing to receive. You just weren’t built for it.

You rushed away using shadows and looking over your shoulder anytime you found yourself in the light. When you arrived back at your apartment, you set your already neatly folded clothes inside your suitcase. It was another trick Dave had taught you.

Cellphone. Passport. Wallet. Keys.

With all of them accounted for, it was time to go. You stared at the gun that you had taken from the thin man. You tried to sift through your options of discarding the weapon, when slow, quiet knocks tapped at your door. In an instant you were pressing your back to the wall, sliding along as you made your way towards the door with the thug’s weapon in your hand. It wasn’t in your itinerary to take care of two gangsters on your vacation.

One, two, three deep breaths.

The knocks became quicker and more urgent. You listened closely for any noises that would alert you to the kind of weapons they had. Just as you reached to open the door you heard a familiar voice through the door.

“Child, it’s me: the dottore!”

You wanted to let out a huge sigh of relief, but your heightened vigilance had settled over your neck and shoulders holding you in a position that disallowed it.

“Enzo,” you finally called out after much deliberation, “are you alone?”

With immediacy, he replied, “Yes!”

His voice was as steady and confident as a surgeon who was moments away from performing life-saving surgery. You analyzed it, homing in on its lack of fluctuations, listening for any indication that someone else might be standing next to him waiting for you. You drew one more breath and opened the door. Seeing Enzo standing on the other side alone allowed you to let go of the breath you held in your chest. He rushed past you, closing the door behind him.

“What are you doing here?” You asked through gritted teeth.

“I heard what happened.”

“How did you--,” you began to ask.

“I know everything in this town,” he stated plainly, as he looked you directly in the eyes. “Where is the weapon?”

You felt your brow immediately furrow at his request. This was the kind of situation Dave urged you not to find yourself in. Trusting people, feeling for people, even giving a little bit of yourself to anyone would be a folly in your line of work. One that would certainly get you killed.

“No, not happening Enzo,” you insisted as you shook your head. “I cannot get you involved.”

“I think it’s too late for that.”

You stared back at him, feeling a pressure of disbelief and gratitude as he held his hand towards you with a dish rag that he had pulled from a kitchen drawer. You pressed your lips tightly together and a painful sting of tears began to form at the corners of your eyes. Enzo reached his hand out to you again.

“Are you a good person or a bad person?”

An unfamiliar feeling of confusion, guilt, and sadness came over you. One that had you re-evaluating nearly everything.

You replied to Enzo tearfully, “I don’t know.”

He stepped forward and offered you his fatherly stare. The one you felt was so undeserved.

“Only a good person would say that.”

It was at that moment, you wondered, maybe, if Dave had it all wrong.

You looked back at Enzo with a look that you hoped conveyed your gratitude. There were no words that existed that held enough magnitude to describe it. You grabbed your things quickly, looking at him once more before you walked out the door. He gave your arm a reassuring squeeze and you pulled him in for a hug. You held him tight, your hands nearly squeezing to the point where neither of you could breathe, shaking as you let him go.

“Non dimenticare mai chi sei, cocca,” he said followed by a kiss to your forehead that instantly made you feel like you were truly cared for.

And with one last look, you disappeared into the night. The cool air met you and the sound of ocean waves ascended to your ears. Each smell and sound engulfing you and holding you in what you wished was a long goodbye. The bittersweetness of your tears met the corner of your lips. Yet somehow, each event, each choice, and each movement you made reminded you that all of this was just as it was supposed to be.

***************************

The last 24 hours blasted by you like a bullet train. Everything around you moved in a blur while your body somehow moved at a pace slower than everything around you. You moved through each moment with an exhausted automaticity: getting off the plane, getting a taxi , and finding your way home.

With caution still at its peak, you entered your home. You checked every room and every closet two times until you felt certain that no one had followed you from Italy. You held your phone in your hand staring at the black screen, contemplating if you should even turn it back on. With a long sigh you pushed the buttons at the side of your phone, setting it quickly aside on your nightstand before running to the bathroom to avoid any notification like they were a plague.

You stepped into your spacious shower, jumping a little as cold water met your skin before gradually raining on your body with much needed warmth. You stepped out of the shower, drying off before wrapping yourself with your towel. You shook your hair with your fingers until your wet waves rested at your shoulder. A notification appeared on your phone connected to your security system.

Filling your lungs with a deep and steady breath you walked towards your kitchen to pour yourself a drink of water. Standing in silence, leaning against your kitchen counter, stood Dave. His eyes stayed only on you with his hands crossed over his chest. He was wearing his best poker face: no anger, no fear, no hate…but for a moment you spotted it: an inkling of relief, a hint of regret, a glint of—? No you wouldn’t let yourself welcome the thought.

You brushed past him, pouring yourself some water. You looked up at him, no words leaving either of your lips. The water was cold, refreshing, and awakening on your lips. As you walked past him back to your you could practically feel him seething. Coming at you like heat waves but bouncing off you as you kept your cool.

Staring back at him from the end of the hallway just outside your bedroom you called to him.

“Are you coming to bed or not?”

You swore you heard a sigh of exasperation escape him as he crept towards you with his hands on his hips — the way he always did when he was particularly frustrated. Satisfied by his inescapable allure towards you, you turned away from him, confident in the knowledge that he would follow you.

“I’ve got to hand it to you,” Dave spoke as he perused your hair, your eyes, your face, your skin, “I’m impressed you were able to be off the grid for as long as you did.”

“I don’t think that matters much now,” you declare looking up at him as he moved towards you. “I’m back.”

Dave took his hands to caress your face, his grip against your skin pressed with the perfect amount of firmness. A faint shine of gratitude emanated from his eyes. He would never say it, but you could see it. You could feel it from the touch of his hands and by the warmth emanating from his body—he missed you.

It was enough. You pulled one hand from your face bringing it down to where your towel wrapped around your body in a tight tuck. With firm guidance you made him pull the towel off your body letting it tumble to the floor. His eyes darkened and he shook his head with a smirk near disbelief as he admired your body.

“Fuck, you’re fucking beautiful as ever.” He groaned as he grabbed at the front of his pants.

Nearly a month without him, not one text or phone call…by your own design. Forgetting him wasn’t the answer. Understanding yourself in your entirety always led back to the same conclusion: you were his.

Not able to wait a moment more, you grabbed him by his dark sweatshirt pulling it over his head and tossing it away. You didn’t think you’d taken a pair of pants off a man faster in your life. His breaths came heavy and fast as you pulled him towards you, admiring his naked body as he did yours.

And then you kissed him.

After so long without him, the fire that sparked from touching him burned hotter than ever. You pulled his body to yours so tightly that your breasts pressed onto his chest, feeling each desperate breath that rose and fell over him. Somehow your arms found their way around his broad shoulders while he wrapped his around you, his hands grabbing your ass massaging up your back, until his fingers are threading themselves in your hair.

Your kisses were an exploration of renewal, of remembrance of how each other tasted while also, somehow, feeling brand new. His tongue had never been so needy before. The gruff moans that released from his mouth were so different and more unbidden than you’d remembered. And his cock, his lovely, thick, uncut cock, was so hard against your lower belly. The tip already cried for you with precum.

With one swift movement you spun around and shoved him to the bed. His eyes widened with devilish excitement as he spread his limbs across the expanse of your bed. His cock stood at attention for you, ready to comply with your every demand.

You crawled towards him, like a black cat slinking in the dark. The smell of him was so musky, salty, and clean as you lowered your face and then your mouth to the tip of his manhood. Holding the warmth of him again felt like a gift as he throbbed in your hands. The taste was even better as you took in the precum onto your lips and then your tongue, each taste bud lighting you up with desire.

He moaned, his hand hitting your pillow with a thump as your mouth and tongue continued to worship him.

“Oh shit, fuck!” He growled as he gripped your sheets.

Not even close to satisfied you lifted your face from your handiwork, tucking your hair behind your ear. You glided forward over his body, giving him another kiss before straddling him, only letting him feel the outer lips of your wet cunt. He reached his hips upward for you.

“Tsk, ah ah ah,” you crooned, teasing him with another grind of your hips, “not til you beg for it.”

“Fuck, Firefly, fuck—!”

You moved your hips again.

Dave couldn’t stop the moans that came from his beautiful lips. So beautiful, you traced your thumb over them.

“Is that all you have to say for yourself?”

You grew wetter with each teasing press of your hips.

An unintelligible and wanton groan came from him.

You tugged him by the hair, his eyes staying on yours and his brows angled downward in a combination of anger, frustration, and desire unique to him.

“Tell me, daddy.”

“Fuck, s—so fucking sexy,” he groaned. “Fuck I’ve missed this, your fucking body, my pussy.”

It was all you needed to hear.

You lifted your hips and braced your hand on his chest before you slowly began to sink over his cock. You bit your lower lip as you felt each thick inch of him enter you until he was so deep you could go no further. Pressing your hands onto his soft belly you began to move. Just that nearly sent him over the edge.

“Fuck, Firefly, how are you even better than I remember?“ Dave praised, as he gripped your thighs with his hands.

You rolled your hips slowly against his, adjusting to his thick size in your tight pussy. A shuddering breath left your quivering lips. With each bounce and roll of yourself on his massive member turned your breaths into loud and melodic moans. Not wanting to lose yourself just yet, you pressed your lips tighter together the more rhythmic your pace became. His cock throbbed within you, feeling impossible deeper with each move you made.

“Ah, my god!” You whined, unable to keep silent as Dave suddenly thrust his hips upwards to match your moves. “God, your cock is so good.”

Dave could only muster a gruff moan before interlacing his fingers between yours. You could feel his breath becoming more erratic with each move of your tight cunt over his cock. His hands began to squeeze yours tighter and tighter as your pussy squeezed him.

With a quick forward movement of your hips, his hard member popped out from inside you.

“Ahh, fuck!” He moaned as he gritted his teeth in frustration at the loss of your wet center around him.

You climbed off Dave and reached over to your nightstand, pulling a rope from the drawer. You straddled his waist while fashioning a strong knot around his wrists, tying him to your bed frame. He looked up at you, hazy and hungry to feel his cock sheathed in the tightest walls of your pussy. A smirk unfurled itself on his lips as you rocked yourself along his shaft, anointing him with your nectar.

“How does it make you feel,” Dave spoke, the sound coming from the deepest part of his throat, “thinking you have some kind of control?”

The words stopped your gyrations and brought your face an inch from his. You could feel your breath circling his lips, close enough that you could see them quiver. With a strong squeeze of your right hand to his face you licked from his chin to just above his lips before kissing him. Your tongue parted his lips with a firm swipe, leading his tongue into a dance he had no choice but to follow. The way your bed frame rattled as you looked down upon him told you more than any words from him could say.

“So you’re telling me this,” you squeezed and rubbed his cock with the tightest fist you could make around him, “is the gift I get after being gone for so long?”

You slinked your hips back down, teasing his cock with your opening. With the most sultry intent, you stoked his primal want for you, not settling onto him right away. The way he continued to fight against the taut rope around his wrists sent chills that emanated from your center. He’d never say it, but you certainly knew everything he fought against confessing.

Generosity began to sneak over you and you allowed him to fill you as you lowered onto him, inch by throbbing inch. And as though your life, your everything, depended on it, you took him for a ride. Consuming, savoring, and indulging in every delicious, warm, and pulsing inch. You brought him to the edge of ecstasy only to bring him back. Your bodies devolved into a beautiful mess of sweat and desire.

Until it was time. Neither of you could hold back. You clutched the headboard as your hips bounced vigorously on his cock. You looked into his eyes and he into yours until you both came with a hot, violent shaking of your body and an uncontrollable thrust from his hips up to yours. Together you filled the walls of your bedroom with a duet of rapturous groans and sobs of euphoria.

Still holding him inside you, you graciously removed the bindings from his wrist. With urgency, he circled his hands around your waist until they gave your ass one more squeeze. The warmth of his hands traveled up your back and worked through more of your waves before they pulled you in for a kiss. Simultaneously hot and chilly aftershocks of your orgasm trembled through your body before you lifted yourself off him.

“Goddamn,” he sighed, his voice cracking as you collapsed on top of him.

Minutes passed like hours as you breathed in time with one another. In the silence, you listened closely to each other's sounds. The unexpected feeling of his hand beginning to your hair startled you. He stopped for a moment surprised by your reaction, slowing the movement of his hand, wrapping his arm around you to caress your shoulder with an embrace. He slowed the racing of your heart with more slow breaths and a barely audible hush from his lips. You could feel the intentional slow rise and fall of his chest against your back, your eyes growing heavy until both of you fell into the arms of a deep sleep.

Late into the night, you stirred with one arm tucked close to you and the other draped lightly over Dave’s. The hum of your ceiling fan drummed peacefully in your ears as your eyes fluttered lightly looking at his form lying next to you. You almost surrendered yourself back to sleep when a sudden thrashing motion shook you awake.

You propped yourself up and saw Dave tossing next to you, sweat beading at his forehead. His voice started with quiet mumbles, groans, and bellows that shook with anger and fear. You reached over to him, gently caressing his forehead.

“Dave…Dave?” You started gently.

He continued to writhe as his brow furrowed and wrinkled his forehead.

“S--, no, S-- Sa---,” he called out, still trapped in his nightmare.

“Dave, it’s me!” You said more firmly wrapping his face with your hands. “I’m here. I’m here.”

He awoke, startled as he looked at you with wild eyes. He pressed his lips to yours, wetting your mouth with a soft warm touch of his tongue, before turning your back to his chest and wrapping you in his arms. He thread his fingers between yours, kissing your shoulders. He murmured words you were almost certain he was unaware of before drifting back to sleep. A demand? A request? A plea?

“Stay,” his voice breathed through the silence as he gripped you tighter against his warm body, “just stay.”

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