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amywritesthings · 27 days

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silver underground. | chapter 21

( Read on AO3 )

Pairing: levi ackerman x f!reader (attack on titan / shingeki no kyojin) Word Count: 3.8k Summary: day 163 - also know as the day your world changed Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI - mentions of violence, death, bloodshed; miscommunications; amnesia trope; angst af

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CHAPTER 21

Bergamot.

He smells like fresh dirt and home and bergamot.

A pair of arms cocoon around you, holding you in place. Cradling the back of your head, lifting it from touching the ground, is a strong palm.

Sounds of the outside world are muffled; distant.

Here all you can hear is the wild thumping of your heart, your blood strongly coursing through your veins.

I am alive.

The crash happened so fast—

Falling from the sky. Sliding across the forest floor. Rolling over and over and over—

Until your body stopped abruptly against a cushion of muscle.

When the dust cloud settles, when the fog fades into vapor, you open your eyes.

Shades of deep, vertical brown overtake your vision. It's so vibrant, familiar yet new. For what feels like hours you stare at a small bug, a speckled ladybug, crawling in circles until it decides to head north.

With each passing exhale your attention travels with it — up, up, up — when causation connects:

One of the mighty tree trunks of the forest broke this violent fall.

(But not just for you — he was the one to take the brunt of the damage.)

He...

When your lips part, your mouth is dry.

Constricted, confused lungs try for their very first breath.

Inhale.

Breathe.

Stay with me.

But that isn't your voice; not in your mind's eye.

Blurry images flash along your vision, sprinkling red, black, and silver against the brush and trees of the forest.

No matter how many times you blink, squeeze, tear up, the visuals scatter like materialized pins and needles.

They won't go away. They clip to your peripheral, forcing you to confront what's ahead.

Nothing is linear. Nothing is clear.

Nausea, relief, uncertainty, rage — these emotions assault your senses. Emotions. Mind.

It’s like waking up after a horrible dream.

One you’ve been kicking and screaming to leave the minute it started.

Let me out.

The freefall plays over and over, a never-ending loop of sickening weightlessness, without a means to jolt yourself awake.

Let me out, let me out, let me—

Something mirrors your heart beat and fractures in its own rhythm, pounding erratically against your chest.

Your heart still beats, but not as panicked — not as heavy — as this.

As... his.

Him — the one who broke your fall.

(Levi.)

Without thinking, your trembling hand rises past his ribcage, up his arm, to his fingers resting on your trembling shoulder.

Then you realize it isn't your body that's shaking.

It's Levi's.

Quivering like a leaf, gasping for breath as if he’s run a marathon.

He doesn’t move. He’s frozen in time, right where you left him.

(I’m sorry.)

Over and over, you replay precious seconds in the back of your mind — fractured memories you’ve only just begun to uncover.

Falling.

Darkness.

(James? James, shit, wake up—)

A voice crack.

Hopelessness.

Instinctively your arms surround him, as if dissolving him into your very pores will somehow help with the confusion in your gut.

Even when your fingers raise hire on your shoulder to glide along his, he doesn’t relax.

If anything, his ivory muscles forge into steel.

Prepared, like you’re the enemy.

They do not soften when your fingers curl, timid and experimental, around his hand for reassurance.

(Wake up.)

They do not yield when you exhale, slow and steady.

They do not rest when you squeeze, as if to offer a sign of life.

(Please, James, don’t do this to—)

“Levi.”

Two syllables — you murmur his very name, realizing the severity of all that you’ve missed.

The dampness of the Underground City right above your heads;

The heat of the sun on a riverbank of the surface;

The light of the morning, just outside an open window, glittering over a bare shoulder;

All puzzle pieces, scattered across a large table.

They fit together in a way — you just need to figure out where.

When you inch your face away from his body, you see it: those blue-gray eyes, pupils dilated and whites wide, staring straight through you.

(As though lost in another time, in the same nothingness you’d lost yourself in for months.)

His chest heaves in and out, trying to catch a breath that just won’t come.

Wretched, heavy gasps contain the fear.

The panic.

All while reliving, too.

“Levi?” you ask once more, softer this time.

A sharp battle cry sounds above your heads. You glance high to witness the silhouette of Petra flying through the canopy of trees with a trail of steam behind her, swords extended.

The titan has been defeated.

The forest floor quakes and shivers with its demise.

Except that isn’t how the mission happened last time.

The realization is a chilling thought creeping, infecting, the back of your mind as you return your attention to the captain in front of you.

“Levi.”

You urge firmer this time, but it’s no use.

Levi Ackerman continues to stare ahead, but he blinks. Rapid fire, as if trying to return to his body.

This face.

You gravitate towards this face that consumes every waking dream you’ve ever had.

Caging his face between your palms, you finally snap with a command.

“Levi, look at me.”

His gray eyes shoot down, catching yours, and your entire world feels warm again.

The light in a never-ending darkness.

Your past is your present and your present tumbles into your past.

An undiscovered constellation of points in your memory that haven’t quite lined up yet, but him…

All you know is that you have missed him, this incorrigible man, lying beside you.

And all this time, it is Levi Ackerman that holds the frame of the puzzle you have been trying to solve.

Instinctively your thumbs run along his cheekbones, causing his eyes to grow impossibly wider.

Unwise, perhaps, but the softened motion brings you comfort unlike anything else, tethering bits and pieces together in the mind by touch alone.

Bits and pieces, to bigger pictures —

You — a nobody from the Underground City, meant to die by the hands of greed and saved by ones of promise.

You — a formidable fighter, a friend, a colleague, a lover.

You — Lieutenant James, member of the Special Operations squad in the Survey Corps.

Maybe you don’t have the whole story yet, but whoever she is… whoever you are…

She’s supposed to be right here.

Levi’s eyes flutter over your face as if to search for injury or damage, but he doesn’t remove his arms from your body. The captain continues to cradle you as if you'll disappear, dissolve, into the mist that swallows your very waking daydreams.

So you lean closer, murmuring just under your breath with pure wonder.

Recognition.

“I know you.”

‘You know me.’

You recall standing right in front of him months ago, begging in a stable.

Those fateful few months before you really knew how close you were to the truth.

'You know me, but you won’t help me. Why?’

That doubt on his face, deeply ingrained in curbed expectations.

It's a memory you haven’t been able to shake, not since you awoke from the hospital.

Now it twists into something much darker.

‘Because you finally have an out.’

Profound sadness infects your stomach when one jagged edge aligns with another.

The memory, fresh as morning dew on a weed, sprouts before your very eyes.

Yes, you do know him.

Yes, he wouldn’t help you.

Because you’ve been down this road before.

But not like this.

Not wrapped up like two star crossed lovers.

(That’s why you hate me.)

— suddenly your back meets the ground.

A pair of hands abruptly push you, knocking you down to the forest floor with a whoosh of a small oof from your lungs.

Your eyes connect with the bright blue sky, the twinkling of green leaves, the expanse of a bird's wing flying high above.

I know this place.

Why can't you say it out loud?

In a hasty cloud of dust, Levi's boots keep up dirt as he scrambles off of you.

To steady himself, his pale palm presses to the tree trunk. He heaves once, twice, before exhaling fully.

Breath finally returns to his body. What once was pale now has color.

When you eventually turn your gaze to him, he glares directly at you, but it isn’t cruel.

Feral, maybe, and diluted in his own confusion, but not cruel.

(You’d never witnessed someone so beautiful in your life.)

In a new light, you finally see him — a mirror image of two worlds, old and new. Of what your body misses to its very core. Of what your mind wants to remember, to know as intimately as it once did.

Slowly you roll to your belly and push up with your arms. You draw up on one knee, your hand instinctively raising to graze your neck.

There.

The silver pendant, tiny and profound, remains intact.

The fall didn’t destroy it.

Immense relief floods your system, and your fingers cradle it like a lifeline.

'You don’t own anything. Now you do.'

That melodic baritone guides your ghost of a hand, adhering one more piece to the puzzle.

A fuller frame.

All you want to do is run to him, speak to him, hear his voice, but all you can do is watch as he cycles through the motions of getting his shit together.

Struggling through stages of anger, betrayal, relief, and longing —

Before addressing you as Captain Levi would.

Because he doesn’t know.

He didn’t hear.

(You didn't say.)

“Are you out of your mind?”

An ironic question, all things considered.

Your lips part to answer, but his finger raises to warn against that judgment.

A curtain of dark fringe hangs over his eyes, shoulders heaving.

“Direct insubordination against your superior,” he spits, but the edge to his voice is frayed.

He’s barely hanging on by mere threads. You want to knit them back together so badly.

“And endangering the entire squad–”

“Levi—"

“Oluo would have been fine, but you? You weren’t ready.”

Standing on both feet now, you ignore the dirt and debris on your white uniform and take a step forward in earnest.

“Levi, if you would just—”

“I didn’t ask you to speak, James.”

His bark is as cold as ice, causing you to stop your pleas right in their tracks.

Your own wide eyes stare at him as he reprimands you, seemingly unhinged by what has transpired.

Your mouth shuts into a thin line, willing yourself to hear him out.

To hear him.

Piece by piece, the image fills—

“Commander Erwin was wrong to put you back in the Scouts," Levi growls. It’s spoken as if to convince himself of that very truth. “Abandoning your horse, defying my orders, acting without any regard for your fellow squad mates—”

He seethes, a flicker of rage fluttering across his face.

“—the recklessness of your actions could have cost not only your life, but the lives of my squad.”

“Our squad,” you correct boldly without realizing you’ve said the words out loud.

Wrong answer. His anger only grows.

“My,” he corrects viciously, “squad. You are a—”

“—Lieutenant, which is practically the same rank as you,” you blurt with your own anger, the adrenaline flushed through your veins as newfound familiarity seeps into your veins. "The titles don't mean anything. It's just shit made up for people like us."

“Excuse me?” he growls, and you don’t let up.

“And I know Commander Erwin has always favored you more, but you only pull ahead of me by two goddamn months in the Scout Regiment,” you desperately rasp, the excitement too great, “so shut the hell up and listen to me, Levi Ackerman, because I know you.”

Exhaling your frustrations in heavy heaps, you refuse to cower.

There is no reason to fear this man. There never was.

"I know you," you repeat, defeated.

As if you've confessed at the foot of his altar.

Levi, despite all of his anger, turns his chin sideways with a growing bewilderment.

Now that you speak, you can see the dots connecting behind his very eyes.

All you can do is hope — all you have is hope.

When he doesn't say anything, you step forward and continue.

"This whole time. This entire time you've tried... you tried to shut me out because you knew that if you did, I'd walk away."

"What?" Finally, he speaks, but his voice drops with caution.

"You said you wouldn't shut me out."

"And I didn't."

"But you wanted to give me an out, right?" you remind. "That's what you told me the day in the stables at the cadet camp."

His teeth grit. "I told you—"

"That day, you agreed to give me a second chance, but you hoped I'd get too scared in the forest and run the other way. Except I've seen things and—"

That grit dies instantly. "Wait, seen things?"

"Yes, I've seen pieces, Levi," you admit. "Pieces."

"Of—?"

"Us. Of my life." Your fire dies. "Of our life."

His jaw clenches so hard that his teeth could shatter.

Your shoulders drop, defenseless. Your hand touches the back of your head, trying to feel for where you might have hit it on the ground back then.

"You ran from me in that hospital in Trost when I woke up. You saw I couldn't remember you right away, so you thought..."

A small laugh of relief exits your mouth before you can stop it.

There are so many black spots in your mind's eye, but…

His face paves the way.

Four hearts, staring up at a skyless night; now only two remain.

"Damn it, you really thought I would never remember you when you were my entire life."

Falling.

All you’ve ever done is fall.

On your back, as a child in those fighting rings in the Underground City.

On your side, struggling to learn the inner workings of stolen ODM gear while a rambunctious boy with ash-blonde hair laughs to the sky.

On your front, when two strong arms pulled you on top of him, lips crashed to yours.

Yet Levi always held out his hand and picked you up.

Now his fists are translucent, tight at his sides, as your eyes meet.

“And so you pushed me around in hopes that I'd leave you here," you conclude sadly, "all while you blamed yourself for the rest of your days for my mistake — right?”

It’s as if you’ve confessed you’re a titan in the flesh.

Levi staggers back, the clink of his ODM gear rattling as he moves.

His eyes flutter all over your face, studying, searching—

“What the hell are you saying?” the captain croaks, unlike himself.

He stares, clearly waiting for the final blow, like you hold his entire life in the palm of your hand.

Oluo and Petra are somewhere.

And wherever they are means Gunther and Eld are likely not far behind.

They’ll approach at any moment to regroup with the Captain.

But you need him to understand—

Levi's jaws clenches again; an overwhelming flurry of emotion settling on his tongue.

He looks two seconds away from detonating.

"What did you remember?" his voice cracks, the facade shattering. "Just say it, damn it, what the fuck did you remem—"

“James!”

The panicked voice of Oluo shouts from the sky.

Petra follows not long after, attaching to the base of the tree trunks to softly find a landing on her feet.

The rest of the squad follow suit, eyes wide.

“Whoa, are you alright?” Oluo repeats, rushing forward. “The hell just happened out there?”

“Her gear got caught,” Petra replies with equal urgency. “I saw it when Captain Levi took off after you two.”

“Her gear?!” Oluo yelps.

The two of them rush over while their hands reach out, swiping your emerald cloak up and away.

They duck their attention to the gear to assess the damage.

The ODM canisters don’t look particularly busted, but the wire dangles helplessly without its spike.

You note just how nervous everyone looks.

Because everyone knows the story, you realize deep in your belly.

The story where a member of the Levi Squad fought titans and got her gear stuck, resulting in a catastrophic head injury where her memories were no more.

The one where they nearly lost one of their elite, only to result in that woman becoming a completely blank slate.

Someone that they'll never get back.

Except she's screaming in your head, slamming against your skull.

I'm here! I'm here, don't you see? I'm still here!

Eld and Gunther quickly descend next, their feet pattering with the quickness towards where you stand.

The squad surrounds you with a million questions, checking your head should there be damage.

Petra even places a gentle hand on your heart, but it’s hammering.

Alive.

Levi says nothing, does nothing; his chin ducks to his emerald collar, allowing his squad to have their time.

“You scared the shit out of us,” Gunther admits with a sigh.

“The hell were you thinking?” Eld adds.

You sheepishly shake your head, eyes still attached to Levi. “I-I wasn’t—”

“I had it, James,” Oluo counters, cutting you off. “I had that titan. You didn’t need to go back for me and almost risk your damn life.”

“Hate to say it, but I agree with Oluo,” Petra replies with a soft sigh, before pulling you in for a small hug. Your arms remain lamely at your sides. “You didn't need to prove you were badass to us, alright? We know." She lets go. "How did you cut yourself loose?”

“She didn’t.”

Levi’s voice breaks through, stopping everyone in their tracks.

He turns on a heel away from the squad, head remaining in a bow, and walks in the direction they'd arrived from.

“I caught her.”

You note the changes in expressions on the rest of the squad's faces.

Recognition smooths over their tired lines, like the significance isn’t lost on them.

Suddenly they duck their chins, too, as if ashamed for gossiping.

Only you remain with your head up, eyes square on the captain.

He does not look your way.

“Outing’s over. We’ll just have to break Four Eyes’ heart and tell them we didn’t capture any of those bastards today.”

“But we didn’t even make it halfway through,” Eld starts, turning his boot towards the captain with surprise. “We can go further.”

"Wait, we managed to clear the forest?" you ask without thinking, causing Eld and Oluo to glance your way.

Oluo’s eyebrows slide high to his hairline.

Eld’s narrow to a point.

“It… was,” Eld slowly, carefully, explains, “but the mission you — the one that you — Wait.”

"People still made it to the other side after I fell?" you exhale.

They made it.

The Scouts managed to push to the end of the forest.

The mission wasn't all for nothing.

A flurry of confused relief floods your system, yet the squad looks at you with pure confusion.

“...none of us told her about the forest debrief from last year yet, did we?” Oluo inquires, pointing to Petra. “Hey, did you snitch?”

“Huh? Snitch?!” Petra yelps. “What the hell would I snitch about? It’s not like it's a secret to anyone here what went down.”

“Yeah, but she didn’t make it long enough to see the end of it,” Gunther replies, rubbing his chin between his thumb and index finger. “And we all agreed not to bring up said mission when she woke up until she was cleared by that doctor guy she saved.”

“Doctor?” you blurt under your breath, blinking. "That I...?"

That you saved…

Albeit foggy, you remember the other team that fateful day.

Miro squad.

There were so many names, so much chaos…

You struggle to remember the finer details, but there was someone named Rini.

An older man — or did he just look weatherworn from war?

Was it the same man from Trost?

“Wait. James.” Petra rounds you, searching your face with budding excitement. “Do you remember the last mission you were on? Is that why you’re—”

“I said the outing’s over.”

Levi's command bites off her question, and Petra falters.

“I already have one shithead disobeying instructions. Is this going to become a trend?”

The squad goes silent, turning to their captain.

“Get the damn horses back,” the captain growls. “We’ll reconvene as a group back at headquarters. That’s an order.”

“Yes, sir,” they all respond in unison.

One after the other, they offer a look of condolences to you before ascending to the skies.

Leaving Levi and yourself to remain.

In the back of your mind, you remember the odds.

Forty to eighty.

The screams of terror.

The urgency to fly through the trees.

A formation of horses…

A corner of the puzzle is complete.

Help me.

Why won’t you help me?

“Levi?” you start, and you see his face flinch at your tone. “Can we talk?”

“Not here,” he replies curtly.

“But—”

“I said not here,” he grunts, turning his chin to regard you over his shoulder. “I’m not doing this here.”

When his eyes meet yours, they soften.

Apologetic.

As if he’s teetering on the brink of giving up completely.

“Go back to your quarters,” he urges. “Clear your head. Figure out if…”

Did his voice just crack again?

You can’t help but gravitate towards his orbit, boots gently stepping closer.

“...figure out if you mean it,” he finishes, stronger now. “If you really do remember — any of this. We'll reconvene and debrief back at headquarters, but I told you: I'm not feeding you our memories. If you think you know me, then say it with your whole damn chest and hold nothing back."

His chin drops, his black fringe falling over his eyes.

You can't see what he's thinking, how he's feeling, but the way his voice turns to a whisper breaks your heart.

"I can’t keep up with these false hopes anymore.”

The necklace on your sternum burns.

Although you have a million questions, a thousand apologies, a dozen pleas, and very few certainties, you say one thing in return.

"Yes, sir."

You both stand in silence, awaiting the horses.

He stares at the ground.

You continue staring at him.

I know you.

You're the only certainty I have.

Once the rest of the squad arrives, you mount your horse and keep formation.

The sun bursts free.

There are no more trees clouding your vision.

Ahead there is an expanse of grass, reclaimed by time.

(A new start.)

Levi Squad returns to headquarters without a casualty in tow.

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chrollohearttags · 1 year

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containment • e. jaeger

synopsis: you’re the newest female guard at an all male prison. No one said it’d be easy but you were prepared for anything..except the new inmate on your cell block.

themes: forbidden romance/relationship, prisoner eren, modern au, correctional officer reader (black and fem coded) power play, lots of fantasizing and masturbation, consensual sex, he’s also a heavy switch and minors do not and i cannot stress this e-fucking-nough..interact!

cw:3.5K

📝: I’m up at 3am, letting my insane thoughts win again so please don’t hold this against me if it’s too long or just wild in general but this is just some notes/imagines to what will be a full, multi-part fic eventually, just wanted to mainly focus on the spicy stuff for now.

you were one of the only three female guards to ever work at the state’s all male maximum security prison. A facility notorious for housing some of the county’s most terrifying criminals..naturally, it was said to be no place for a woman and you were subjected to harassment, heckling and sometimes violence but you didn’t allow it to stop your goals. As physically strong as you were stubborn, you didn’t fear them in the slightest.

it was only six months after your assignment to the close containment unit that he was put onto your floor and things began to shift..an inmate by the name of eren jaeger; he was most certainly different from the other convicts you made contact with on a daily basis…

never gives you a hard time, always complied and is always in his cell either drawing or reading. If they didn’t give him time off for good behavior, you didn’t know who would get it. Also was super intelligent.

sort of intimidated the other guards and prisoners because of his eerie silence. They didn’t know why he’d been on a floor like this but act so well behaved. no one ever got on his bad side though..they knew better because he’d remind them why he was locked up in the first place.

has a slick ass mouth and every time you asked what he was there for, his response was “whatever they say I did.”

you didn’t make it your mission to be chummy with the prisoners, but he made the job a bit more tolerable. “good morning, officer (l/n)..” it was how he always greeted you..in addition to a little faint smile and telling you how pretty you were that day, whether barefaced or with some light makeup on and oddly enough, he always knew the scent of your perfume. “I can compliment my favorite guard, can’t I? Is that allowed?” the sarcasm and sweet gestures were something you had grown accustomed to. “You’re as cute as you are dangerous, Jaeger. Too bad for you, they don’t reduce sentences for adorable one liners.” although those words should have meant nothing come from a criminal…

it’s one day, however..when you were seeing him off to library cleanup duty that it went from harmless flirtation to a heated, forbidden love affair. “Not to be gross or anything but I gotta go take a piss, officer. I’ve been holding it since we left the cell.” he had been working diligently without a break for two hours so you’d allow it.

never had to worry about him trying anything as he had seen you take down men twice his size by yourself and even had subdued him once after a fight was incited by somebody else but he didn’t back down. (an ass whooping from you he’d soon never forget).

during that little bathroom break, you accidentally caught a glimpse of what he was working with…down south! You’d try to look away but really couldn’t help yourself. The man was hung like a horse. As a guard, you were to remain professional so the thoughts had to subside.

it was all but inevitable when you’d take him to the rec yard for exercise and you’d watch him do curl ups on the metal bars. His entire muscular back and arms riddled in tattoos; some professional pieces and others by the tip of an ink pen etched in prison. It’d be a huge violation if you’d ever acted on them and to you, that’s what made the fantasy all the more hotter.

on the trip back to finish up his last bit of library work, he utters something to you that made you freeze… “I know you were watching me earlier, officer..in the bathroom. I could feel those pretty little eyes of yours staring. Such a pervert.” Muttering sarcastically because his nasty ass loved the thought! To which you’d call his bluff and ask him so what if you were and he’d double down on it. “Then next time I’ll let you come help.” He always had a witty, smart mouthed comeback for everything.

it was getting harder to deny the sexual tension that was brewing though and as it were only the two of you left, the banter would become more and more risqué. Completely inappropriate and wrong but it felt so right..

“Can I get a good night kiss?” asks it every night when you take him back to his cell, to which you’d only ignore and instead, shove a stick of gum between his lips as a reward for his hard work..it was as close it were going to get for now.

it was when you got home that those disgusting desires could run rampant. In the solitude of your shower or bedroom, you were free to fantasize about this man and all of the things you wanted him to do you. Touching yourself, wishing it were him…a filthy criminal. From pinning your legs back and pumping you full of dick. Slapping, choking and tugging on your hair. Riding his pretty little face as you came all over his tongue. unbeknownst, he felt the same.

truthfully, it couldn’t be helped..watching the plump curvature of your ass sway in those black uniform cargos and your big supple tits tightly stuffed into that grey polo with the prison’s insignia on the left breast pocket every day drove him crazy. Those plump, juicy lips always covered in gloss that he wouldn’t mind shoving his cock between. Holding your head still while he throat fucks you into oblivion. And he just knew that pussy was fat with a mean grip. Many of nights had he lied in this cell, quietly stroking himself to the thought of his favorite guard bouncing on his dick, riding him before he’d take over and fuck up into you..smacking that round ass as he covers it in baby oil.

hearing you cry out his name..telling him how big it is as he forces all nine of those thick inches in you until it fits..just a few of the dozens of scenarios he’d play in his dirty, perverted mind. It had been years since he’d felt the touch of a woman so it was hard to restrain himself. He’d end up biting his sheets a way to gag his moans as his enclosed fist pumped until he’d splatter a giant nut all over his knuckles. Luckily he was alone in here.

when you returned to work a couple days later, that steamy tension had reached its boiling point and during day duty, you couldn’t take anymore. You needed him now! Favor was in your corner because he happened to be caught with cigarettes he smuggled from another inmate, which would have been a big infraction.

but instead, you snuck him off to a nearby closet where he’d become your personal fuck toy for the afternoon in exchange for your silence. It was his own damn fault..violating the rules and looking so damn good all the time. And he didn’t hesitate!

“You can keep a secret, can’t you, officer? I promise I won’t tell if you won’t.” taunting as he forced you back on his thick cock with his shackled hands. He’s made you squirt more times than any man ever has and it had been so long since he’d been in some pussy and especially one this tight so you had to keep him quiet because he was losing his shit. Didn’t hold it against him when he came too quick and..inside of you because you had been waiting a long time for it.

now, it’s become a regular occurrence. You can’t leave him alone and vice versa. Makes sure that no one else give you a hard time ever again and would handle it personally if they did. Guards included..in return you make sure he gets a little more on his commissary or drops him in a few cigarettes or snacks when it’s permitted. Even letting him get extra time outside, just so you could have him to yourself.

Can’t exactly communicate via cell phones so he writes you love letters that he hides in areas around the prisons for you to read when you get home. Full of filthy detail of how he’d be fucking you if he were a free man, how much he adores you and of course, all the trouble the two of you will get into the next time his beloved CO comes into work.

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thedgeoftheuniverse · 23 days

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THE DETRIMENTS OF HUMANITY.

CHAPTER ONE — NOW.

Four years after The Rumbling, Levi is still mourning the past.

[ TAGS: post war levi, depression, swearing, levi deals with chronic pain, heartbreak, what do you it when you breakup without ever dating in the first place? ]

The sun rose above Marley with hues of orange, yellow, and a smattering of dusty pink—a stark contrast to what was a black and moonless sky, the colors blanketed the city below and slowly began to cast a warm embrace on the landscape. Through the crack of an east-facing window, a blinding beam of light shone and disturbed the already restless sleep Levi was in. Despite everything, it was a welcome change; for six days straight, it rained and poured and rained just a little more. The sky raged and cracked with little consideration for him or the condition of his ragged body.

The pain was worse on those days.

Not to imply that there was truly ever a good day, but some were—objectively—worse than others. On the third day of the deluge, the pain split him in half and left him bleeding out in his bed, with tears threatening the corners of his eyes. His legs and what limited mobility he still grasped onto betrayed him, as did the pounding of his head and aching of his spine. He laid there for nearly six hours before allowing Falco (who had begun to grow faster than the day could turn to night) to assist him into his wheelchair. God, did he ever detest it, but he gave up fighting it a year or so ago. He despised the feeling of helplessness that arose from needing the assistance of a sixteen-year-old boy and a wooden chair to make it to the kitchen, but such is the hand with which he was dealt. His knee seemed determined to buckle under his own weight, and his cane provided little to no support in the matter.

Not all days were so intense.

Most days were fine.

Bearable. Tolerable.

Most days, he could scrape himself together and get out of bed, go to work—the tea shop owner, a sweet older lady by the name of Marsha, purchased a comfortable chair for him to keep at the front counter and never complained when he had to call off at the last minute—and entertain Gabi and Falco on the nights they spent at his home. Most days, the pain amounted to that of a half-healed broken bone (he says he’s had worse when Gabi chastises him. She knows she can't argue because she was there for the worst of it), and his cane was a sufficient aid once he accepted that the subsequential limp was a permanent fixture in his gait; it was subtle, but it was there. Most days, Levi could care for himself. Most days, his vision was clear, and the headache only reached his temples. His legs trembled only slightly as he combed through his hair, and he was only plagued by memories of the past in his sleep.

(You were always there. This doesn’t make sense anymore.)

On the night of the third day, Levi (forever as stubborn as a mule) collapsed on the floor, a mere three feet from his bed.

Falco entered the room in a flurry. “Levi! Are you okay?”

He batted his hand away. “I'm fine, brat.” Determined to refuse the help. Most days, Falco could handle Levi’s prickliness in stride. On that third day, he felt dejected but nevertheless aided a wholly agitated and combative Levi into bed. In spite of everything, he could not bring himself to be angered, because what is left of a man once stripped of all he once held dear? of his sense of purpose? What is left of a soldier after the fight is won? Falco didn't know much, but he knew the answer resided somewhere behind the eyes that Levi so desperately tried to hide. Perhaps that clouded, milky iris was the answer—nothing. Perhaps, once deprived of the very essence of his being (he would always be a soldier at heart but no longer in practice), misplaced aggression was all that remained.

In the early hours of the fourth day, Levi awoke with a searing pain in his knee. He did not have to move his legs or pull up his pant leg to know there was an ugly, angry bruise beneath the surface of the scar. Much like that previous morning, the pain ripped through his body and rendered him speechless. The pills on his bedside table did little to dull his agony, and they tasted like utter shit when swallowed dry. Too stubborn, as always, to ask for help, there was nothing to do but bask in the glow (read: cold sweats) of his misery until the pills eased his suffering just enough to make his way to his wheelchair.

“Humanity’s strongest,” he chastised himself. “What a fucking joke.”

In comparison, the seventh day was pure heaven; in a literal and metaphorical sense, the seas of clouds parted and lightened the pressure in the air.

Levi awoke the same as he had every morning for the last year—alone, in a quaint home in Marley (graciously bestowed upon him by the efforts of his previous comrades and begrudgingly accepted by him) on his back beneath a patchwork quilt. He much preferred sleeping on his side; however, his knee and spine refused him even that comfort. There was a routine here. He would first sit up, using his left hand to prop himself up in his bed (some mornings he would attempt his right, but the missing digits made it harder to retain stability), and experimentally wiggle his toes and shuffle his legs. He discovered early on that sudden movements after an extended period of inactivity would cause his joints and muscles to stiffen and end in searing pain on his injured side; without proper precautions and preparation, he’d be bedridden with pain. So, ever so slowly, he stretched his legs, rotated the joints, and gently curled into himself in an effort to prevent such misery. This was typically a five- to ten-minute ordeal, depending on his pain level that morning.

(You used to be so patient.)

The seventh day was a six, if he was forced to choose a number.

After spending roughly eight minutes preparing himself to leave bed, Levi, with a black metal cane in his left hand, made his way to the kitchen, where he ate a single apple. There was a routine here as well. Eating always felt like a chore, even before the state he found himself in; so rarely did he have time to indulge, and the food offered by the Scout Regiment was tolerable at best. An apple, or banana, or—on the rare occasion—a handful of strawberries were Levi's breakfast. He never spent much time enjoying them, rather opting to eat as quickly and efficiently as possible so that he could savor his morning tea, which was also a routine. He boiled eight ounces of water in a silver metal kettle on his stove to precisely one hundred and eighty-five degrees—never higher, never lower—and steeped one and a half teaspoons of his chosen loose leaf tea for five minutes. He always added the extra half teaspoon, seeing as he preferred his tea on the stronger side.

(You preferred black tea, slightly cooler than his, with half a sugar and a splash of milk.)

The routine was the only thing keeping him sane.

It still wasn’t enough.

He still thought about you every day. He still thought about your laugh and how he longed to hear it again. He thought about your smile and how rarely he saw it in his final days with you. He thought about the way your hair smelled when you were freshly showered. He thought about the last day he saw you—what he would have done differently, what he would have said had he known it would be the last time he ever spoke to you. Would it have changed things? If he hadn’t said such horrible things to you, would you have stayed?

He thought about the letter. The one he never had the strength to move off of his night table. Every letter and every ink smudge were etched into his brain.

(Levi,

I’m sorry to say this in a letter, but I won’t have the strength to do it any other way. I can’t risk changing my mind.

I love you. I have loved you since we were in the Scouts. Before any of this—before we knew about any of this shit, and we were just trying to kill the Titans and hope to God we weren’t going to be their next meal. You’re everything to me. You’re my best friend. You were the only person I trusted to walk into Hell with. It’s crazy to think about how things used to be. We were so different. I still remember the day you joined the Scouts. Hell, you didn’t even bother with a salute. I remember thinking Erwin was insane for bringing you in, there was no way that his gamble on you and your friends was going to pay off. I’ve never been more wrong. I’m still thankful for that. You have been my closest companion for nearly twenty years. I owe you my life more times than I can ever count. That’s why I have to leave.

You haven’t been the same since the war. For the last four years, I’ve watched you wither away into practically nothing. I can’t do it anymore. I’ve tried for so long to help you, and you fought me every step of the way. I can’t watch it anymore, Levi. I can’t keep watching you kill yourself. I don’t even recognize you anymore, you don’t even speak to me like yourself, it’s been like living with a ghost. I don’t know who you are, and I can’t keep looking for you anymore. I held on for so long because I loved you. I still do, even after all of this shit—I’m going to have to live with that for the rest of my life. I hope you understand that this is why I cannot stay here any longer. I can’t watch you die. Not again.

So, for now, this will have to be goodbye. When you find yourself again, please come back to me. I’ll be around. I miss you.)

And there, on the morning of the seventh day, Levi wept in the kitchen. He wept for so long that his tea went cold and his eyes burned through every tear he shed. The seventh day marked exactly a year since your departure, and Levi was no closer to himself than the day you left. You disappeared without a trace. He never once saw your face in public, never heard your voice, or caught a scent of your shampoo. Not even as much as your name.

He was so angry, so consumed with the past, and he felt as though he was not entirely human anymore.

And so Levi wept. And he mourned. And he grieved the life he could have had.

And then it was time for work.

MASTERLIST.

#levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x female reader #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #levi ackerman x you #aot #aot fanfic #aot fanfiction

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i2jen0 · 1 year

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i could fix him

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callie-the-creator · 7 months

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levi nsfw hcs

nsfw. mdni.

author’s note: this is a bit short, but i tried to make up for it by making each part a bit thick. i guess it would be a fair assessment that i got a little too carried away with myself as well. 😅

• PLEAAAASE BRO..

• levi is a simple man. he knows what he likes. with that being said…missionary is his go-to position, but before you all run to the comments to tell me otherwise, i’ll have you know that he’s a sucker for cowgirl.

— …do with that information as you please.

— he also likes eating you out whenever he gets the chance, but that’s another story entirely.

• for a man that hates messes, he doesn’t mind making a mess…out of you. it’s a bit, ironic, isn’t it? but this won’t spare you from his degrading comments, no siree.

— “tsk, you got my favorite shirt dirty…you really are a dirty whore, you know that?”

• if you would like, he could treat you like nothing as he fucks you senseless but pamper you afterward like you’re a queen (if this isn’t your bag, levi has no problem with that. he likes praising you anyway).

• speaking of aftercare, levi is a big sleeper. he will try his best to stay awake, but after five minutes give or take, he’s out for the next hour or so…🥹

• i do think levi has a slight fetish about making love out in the open, especially out in the woods. you didn’t expect this from the captain of all people because for starters, he’s a germaphobe and the idea of it all seemed a bit too primal for his taste.

— lesson learned: never judge by a book by its cover, no matter how misleading it may be. ✍️

• levi’s libido is really to each their own. i would say that he is adaptable. it is fairly low when you two are on expeditions because he knew that he will have to be more on his guard just in case the shit were to hit the fan. and this doesn’t mean that you two don’t have sex at all; levi prefers to do it when he knows no one will be around. but if you two are within the safety of the walls, well…that’s another story.

— sadly, he hasn’t experienced much intimacy in his time, so he doesn’t know how to ask for it.

• after the thunder spear incident with zeke, levi shrunk back into his shell and intimacy between you two dramatically decreased because he knew that he wouldn’t be able to pleasure you like he used to…

— this made him incredibly insecure.

— you do have to reassure him that his facial disfigurement doesn’t make him some sort of monster. you practically shower him in compliments to really ram in the idea that it wasn’t going to bother you, nor did it ever. if anything, you’re just pissed off at he nearly got himself killed by that hairy bastard.

“it’s fine, two fingers is all i need.”

— if there’s a will, there’s a way, right?

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mrskokushibo · 11 months

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QUICKIE

Eren Yeager x fem!reader one shot

I NSFW I 18+ I MDNI I

Synopsis: This is what you get for teasing Eren Yeager.

Warning: Smut. Dub-con. Rough oral. Penetration. Degrading. Dirty talk. Dom!Eren.

A/N: Short and not so sweet. My very first Eren and Attack on Titan fanfic ( I normally write for KnY and currently working on some JJK stuff).

Word count: 693

Masterlist

You were pressed against the wall with Eren slamming his dick into you at a fast and brutal pace.

‘Stop squirming’ he growled out while grabbing your hips and holding them roughly in place.

‘Do not act like you did not want this. Do you think I did not hear you and your bratty friends giggle and make comments about me? How you thought I had a big dick and you so wanted to taste it, hm?’

‘Yes, I do want this, but not like this, not here’ you moaned out in the short pauses from your chest hitting the wall and you losing air for every thrust.

‘Oh yeah, this is not romantic enough for you. Right? Well, if you wanted me to take it nice and easy you could have dressed like a princess instead of a whore.’

He increased his pace and strength of thrusts, his teeth gritted and face contorted in a frown. He leaned down at your neck again and whispered in your ear.

‘You are either really nasty or really stupid. Did your Mummy never teach you to stay away from guys like me? Or do you enjoy teasing bad boys?’

You could not help but agree with him to some extent. You were always drawn to villains and he was no exception. Guys like that made you extra wet… And right now, you were wet, despite your protests, this was what you subconsciously wanted, what your sex needed.

‘Eren, make me cum’

‘Do you think a slut like you deserves to cum?’ he hissed in your ear.

‘I do, I’ll do anything…’

‘Anything...you say…’

He pulled out, grabbed your arm, and led you to the nearby desk.

‘Lay down and spread your legs’

You obediently followed his instructions and very soon, he entered you again. The new angle made his thick cock hit all the sensitive spots and you were moaning loudly and creaming on his cock. He looked down and with satisfaction noted the white ring forming around the base of his dick.

‘Someone is enjoying herself’ he sneered as he once again increased the speed and strength of his thrusts, sending you into overdrive.

Your arousal was reaching its peak and a few thrusts later you were dissolving in your orgasm. When you looked up at him a triumphant grin was adorning his face.

‘Well, well, I see you did want this after all.’

He pulled out of you and sat down on the nearest chair and said with a low and hoarse voice

‘You said you would do anything, so now, down on your knees so that I can fuck that pretty face of yours’.

You did as you were told. He leaned down to grab one of your breasts and with the other hand took hold of your ponytail. With a quick yank, he positioned your mouth at his hard cock and waited for you to open your mouth. As soon as you did, he pushed your head down and started moving you up and down on his thick girth. At first, he was only sinking you halfway on his dick, but very soon, as his arousal was growing stronger, he started pushing you deeper and deeper and slowly thrusting his hips into you.

You were gagging and gasping for air, but he was completely oblivious to that, drowned in his own pleasure using your mouth as a sex toy. Spit and precum were running out of your mouth, your makeup ruined by the tears running down your cheeks. He was thrusting hard and pushing your head down to meet his hips with equal brute force. You could feel him grow and twitch inside you and soon you were swallowing his warm load. Once he was done, he pulled your head away from his groin and looked you in the eye with a vicious and condescending grin

‘Now this is a good girl. Once I break you in you will become my precious slut, you will be addicted to this cock. And who knows, if you do good then maybe I will let you have some fun with my friends as well.’

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liveinsaturn · 24 days

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he’s so babygirl

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mariia-24 · 1 year

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Daddy? 😮‍💨🥵

#levi rivaille #levi ackerman #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #snk levi #attack on titan #ackerman #rivaille ackerman #snk #levi aot #captain levi #levi #hot daddy

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nobianna · 9 months

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Lip gloss

pairing: dominican!connie springer x black fem!reader

cumtent warning : Constance using his cum as you're lip gloss, blowjob, spit play,dirty talk, cursing, connie moaning like a lil bitch lmfaoao, some spanish (blame google translate if sum wrong), pet names, usage of daddy once, lmk if i miss anything

novas notes: MINORS DNI, this is 100% inspired by @cottonconnielvr , as always, its not proofread, support this blog , and support black writers.

"A-aughh shit" connie moaned out.

one of his tatted hands wrapped around you're throat, the other around the base of cock sloppily pulling his throbbing tip from the back of you're sore throat.

you licked under his tip looking him dead in his eyes

you watched as his face contorted into pure pleasure, as you went down as far as you can, gagging from all the saliva used to lubricate his dick, whatever you couldn't fit down your throat was being stroked by his hand.

his mouth went agape when you hummed against him, you felt his hand tighten around you're butterfly locs that he now had in a tight fist thrusting into your mouth.

you fucked him back with you're mouth watching him whine out

you released him with a pop before spitting all over his dick from tip to base.

" mhmm, i love t-thaa.. shit mamiii" he moanded with his head thrown back, he released your hair to grab the fabric behind him, desperately craving his release.

you looked at him while slowly running you're mouth down to his balls, you licked them before sucking on them which made him shiver

"yea..you like that" you responded to his admiring the fact that you had somone that was displayed as a hard ass gangster that most people feared whimpering for you right now.

he moaned thrusting into your mouth once again, he was getting louder by the second

"Esta v-viniendo"

" take it daddy....use my throat"

he grabbed the back of your head pushing you down his length making your nose touch his pelvis

"mumphh....auh"

" oh shit...oh shittt..Ohhh ahhh"

he pulled you up stroking his shaft

his eyes were closed as he muttered meaningless pleas, his hot spurts of cum landing straight onto your thick lips before spreading his semen all on your lips.

he laughed looking at you which made you laugh closed mouth since you didn't want it to fall off

" you look so pretty with your new lip gloss"

#black writers #aot fandom #nova writes #onyankopon smut #eren x black reader #connie springer #connie smut #eren jeager smut #cancel white bitches #black reader #armin arlet headcanons #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #connie x black reader #connie springer headcanons #connie x reader smut #mikasa ackerman #mikasa aot #drabble

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liuhko · 3 months

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ㅤʕ ྀི UR MOM ㅤ ݁ ˖ Carla Jaeger drabble headcanon things (?) requested by mootie @cindol

THIS WORK INCLUDES: female reader, mommy kink, nsfw, dominant character x submissive reader

NOTE: Today (January 29th) is Carla’s birthday!! Giving this post my nice layout cause ily cin (pls stop dissing yoosung). PLS SHE’S SO NGH~! Not proofread *frowny face*

Dealing with Eren was a handful, this was nothing new, but being his teacher came with a lot of perks. Perks such as meeting his mother. Carla Jaeger is the perfect woman. Smart, polite, and so gorgeous. Your first meeting with her was a parent-teacher conference. It was after school, in your classroom, she was the last parent you needed to attend to. You’d never been one to get butterflies, but when you locked eyes with this woman those bugs started soaring! The conference was quick, mostly because you had very little to say about Eren. He was a good kid, just a bit odd, but that’s just how kids are. Carla had praised your teaching abilities repeatedly during the meeting; you struggled to control yourself that day. Meeting her was like rainfall in mid-summer Arizona. However, you had noticed the pretty ring she wore and that soured your mood. “Of course, she’s married.” You grumbled to yourself once she had left. It was a rather sad predicament, her marriage ruined just about every fantasy you had. Until…!

“My parents divorced.” You furrowed your brows at the young boy. Eren had a bad habit of sharing everyone’s business, his included. “Divorced?” You asked him, a comical lightbulb flickering on in your head. A divorced woman needed the most love, surely she needed someone to talk to, someone she could trust. That someone would be you.

Carla was sensitive after her divorce, so it was easy to get close to her.

She grew comfortable with you instantly and was the first one to suggest contact outside of school.

She ranted about her ex-husband often, which pissed you off, but you knew it would pass with time.

Carla shared custody with Eren, and you often followed her when she had to drop him at his dad’s. She knew you disliked him but she had begged you to be cordial — you refused.

Carla and Grisha divorced because he had lost feelings for her and rekindled his love with his previous wife. This led to Carla becoming a bit critical of her appearance, and it drove you mad.

You showered her with affection and affirmations. Praising her face and body, often referring to her as the perfect woman, she always laughed at that title.

Carla often gave Eren an extra lunch to give you at work. Her food was delicious and you resisted the strong urge to eat HER (out) when you’d personally return the lunchbox to her the following day.

SUGGESTIVE/NSFW WARNING!

Your close friendship with Carla benefitted you in various ways. Once, her towel had slipped after getting out the shower. You were in the room and your eyes widened at the sight of her naked body. She apologized profusely but you just grinned. “It’s alright, we’re both women. I don’t mind.” The intentions behind your words were anything but innocent but they led to Carla being a lot more open.

She dressed/undressed in front of you. Asked for your help with changing, and sometimes showered with you to “save time”. You never questioned it. It was incredible.

Carla Jaeger was a bold woman. You had caught her searching a box in her bedroom, and she was completely unbothered. She proudly showed you the contents of the box and watched as you grew embarrassed. She even went as far as to explain how each object was used. “Oh, (name), there’s no need to be so shy. I’m sure you know how lonely I can be at times.” You scoffed at her. “Why would you be lonely when you have me?” A grin spread across her face upon hearing your words. “Then why don’t you help me with these? We’re both women after all. It’s not a big deal.”

If there’s one thing Carla loves, it’s toying with you. She enjoys taunting you and gets a kick out of watching you beg.

She also loves sitting on your face. Partly because you’re good at eating pussy but mostly because she loves seeing your cum-stained face.

Carla’s very accepting of your preferences and doesn’t judge you in the slightest, even when you accidentally call her mommy. “Do you like that, sweetheart? Should I keep going?” She cooed. A soft giggle escaped her lips as you let out a loud gasp, your legs shaking, when she increased the intensity. “Mhm…feels s-so good mommy…!” You responded through labored breaths. It didn’t take long for you to realize your mistake and begin explaining yourself, but Carla quickly shushed you. “I don’t mind, sweetie. If you like calling me mommy, you can…it just means I’m making you feel good.” The puzzled look on your face made her smile. “Are you sure you don’t mind? Cause if it makes you uncomfortable then I understand—“ She rolled her eyes and increased the vibration setting, effectively shutting you up. “I’m perfectly fine with it, you don’t need to worry.”

Carla records. She’s so attached to you and gets so lonely when you aren’t around. She’ll usually watch a few videos and play with herself when she misses you.

She sends you videos and pictures of herself all the time.

Carla gets DOWN with the strap. She never fails to make you cum. Never!!! She’s also interested in the craziest positions whenever she uses a strap. “(name), we should try this! All you have to do is get into a bridge pose, the yoga one!” She will persuade you into having sex in these abnormal positions.

Carla likes to get straps that are bigger than what you usually use just to see you with a stomach bulge. Watching you struggle to take a larger strap gets her much more excited than she should be.

Carla has a slew of pet names for you and they’re adorable. They’re nothing unique but still so cute, she loves using them to guide you through your orgasms.

She doesn’t love scissoring because she isn’t as close to you as she’d like to be (Carla’s very clingy) but she does enjoy the feeling of your wet pussy rubbing against hers, so she can’t complain too much!

Being a mom is stressful, and sometimes Carla just needs a day to de-stress. If you allow her to de-stress by using you, you’ll likely wake up sore and covered in bite and/or scratch marks. She apologizes when she’s done <3

Her aftercare is unmatched. Carla will cook you whatever you want if you’re hungry, pepper you with kisses and take her time cleaning you up.

She fantasizes about sexually torturing you.

Carla loves your tits, size is irrelevant. She plays with your nipples all the time.

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the-traveling-poet · 7 months

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Flirtatious!Levi came to me in a hallucination and I had to share-

You’d been forced out of HQ early one morning with your squad, ordered by Commander Erwin to stake out any potential resource points beyond the walls. The objective was to locate a position the Survey Corps could use as a rendezvous during expeditions.

It was supposed to be an ‘in-and-out’ type of mission for the S.O.S., but as the morning dragged on into evening, and you were still out in titan territory, Captain Levi had decided to call it a night to set up a temporary camp.

Titan sightings had been scarce in this area, so you knew you could rest easy tonight.

But being outside the walls still had you all uneasy, so you’d decided to take a walk not far off from the others as they set up tents.

The sun was now setting, offering you a clear view of the wide open sky. No walls obscured your vision, no windows filtered the colors of the sky.

This was always your favorite part of the missions you’d go out on; watching the sun set out in the wild.

You’d approached a ledge, leading over a cliff near the forrest lining the open field. Deciding this spot would do, you stopped your feet from moving and merely stood with your hands folded behind your back. The sudden sound of a twig snapping underfoot brought you out of your thoughts.

“Where are you going?”

Levi stood but a few paces behind you, having followed after your retreating figure once he noticed your absence from the group.

“To look out over the ledge. Who knows, there might be something nice to look at. It’d be a nice change of scenery from the barracks.” You responded softly, your tone light and relaxed.

You smiled as you approached the ledge of the cliff, eyes trained on the vibrant colors of the setting sun along the horizon. Breathing a sigh of relief, you continued on in a near whisper.

“The setting sun is a sight I find to be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“I’d have to agree with that statement, if mine weren’t currently walking away from me.” Levi hummed, eyes trained on your back.

Stopping, you looked over your shoulder with a raised brow in confusion.

“Your what?”

“My favorite sight.” He murmured, taking a step closer to you near the ledge.

“The thing I find to be the most beautiful I’ve ever seen.”

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amywritesthings · 3 months

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silver underground. / chapter 20.

( Read on AO3 )

Pairing: levi ackerman x f!reader (attack on titan / shingeki no kyojin) Word Count: 6k Summary: flashback ten - also known as the final mission Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI - graphic violence, minor character deaths, titan deaths, bloodshed, graphic depictions of injury, despair, peril

Previous Chapter. / Next Chapter. | Masterlist.

CHAPTER 20 - FLASHBACK: TEN

Eighty to forty.

Slashed in half.

On paper, the tactical statistics sound nothing short of a miracle.

In a division plagued by endless casualties, any hope of saving lives rather than destroying them should (and will) sanction blind approval from higher command.

For the commandant, for the king, for the people behind those Walls relying on this team to succeed in breaching the forest to pursue the mission of the Scout Regiment, it’s the best idea curated to date—

And it’s all thanks to Commander Erwin and his right-hand man, Captain Levi.

Levi Ackerman insists he can take on any Abnormal single-handedly.

Commander Erwin insists his Special Operations squad can and will find a way through the thick of it, once and for all.

A triumphant success for humanity, no matter the cost.

— but that was on paper.

When you wake, Levi isn’t beside you in your bed.

His disappearing act in the morning isn’t unusual nor is it disappointing.

By now you're used to waking up without him, though you only find yourself sleeping thanks to him.

(He's admitted that, if he doesn't slip out earlier than when you wake, then he may never leave.)

Although your relationship is the worst kept secret within the Special Ops squad, it’s still just that:

A secret.

What is not a secret, however, is the trajectory of what’s to come.

Not every day in the regiment is a nightmare, but this is the type of day the average cadet dreads when they pledge their allegiance to the Survey Corps.

So you ready for the day with noticeable weight on your shoulders.

A determination to see this through.

A promise to show up for your fellow man.

(An oath to Levi that the two of you will make it out of this alive and see another sunrise.)

Today will be brutal, but you can prevail.

Stepping out of your quarters in full Scout gear, you hear the whinnies and whines of nearing horses as they gallop toward headquarters.

You fix the collar of your cropped tan jacket in time with your footsteps descending down the stairwell, mind elsewhere.

Bodies hurry in and out of the open front door. Gear clinks. Blades sheath.

“Lieutenant James!”

That voice belongs to no soul you know.

You stop dead in your tracks right in front of the open double doors. Turning to the sunlight, you raise a hand to shield the rays to locate who may have spoken your name.

Before you stands an entirely new group of Scouts that you’ve never seen before. Fresh-faced and determined, if not a little terrified — there is a large array of them standing around in a semicircle at the mouth of headquarters.

All adorn the Wings of Freedom.

All press their fist backwards to their heart, denting the emblem.

You realize some of their faces look familiar.

Albeit it was a brief stint as a cadet in the training corps, recognition flutters over your face as you spy some of the hopefuls that slept not so far from your bunk in the barracks.

It's been years. What were once youthful faces now age well before their time.

“Lieutenant, sir!”

The one in the center, a short-haired woman with glasses, barks once more.

“We’re pleased to make your acquaintance and to serve under the command of Humanity’s Strongest.”

At first you say nothing, dazed at the sheer number of this squad.

Seven people hold steadily onto seven individual horses, their shoulders shrouded by emerald green cloaks. Some keep their hoods adorned to the crowns of their heads. Others bare their nervous but brave faces to you.

“At ease,” you murmur, and they lower their fists. “I wasn’t aware another squad was joining us this morning.”

“Miro Squad, sir, at your service,” the short-haired person greets, bowing. “I received Commander Erwin’s urgent letter for additional soldiers in the pursuit of breaching the forest.”

They take a half-step back and gestures to their team, pointing out every soul on their squad.

Miro, their leader; Trina, their second-in-command with wild fiery hair; and Scouts Orin, Max, Penelope, Cesca, and Rini.

Seven additional Scouts.

Fourteen Scouts in full for this Hail Mary of a mission.

Then it hits:

Proposing half of the original projected damage was bold, even for someone as shameless as Commander Erwin.

He had no qualms with setting this mission up with the new layout provided by Levi, ensuring as much of an air-tight plan as possible.

Eighty to forty percent is nothing short of a miracle.

But miracles do not exist in the Scouts.

Your stomach drops into the dirt with the sickening realization of what Commander Erwin’s grandiose solution really meant.

Miro Squad is the forty percent reduction.

A cruel and inhumane buffer of surefire casualties in order to keep the Special Ops squad intact during the breach.

You’re staring at a group of devoured bodies before you even reach the trees.

“It’s…”

You struggle with your words before slamming your backward fist to your heart, raising your chin.

Some of the younger Scouts stare in awe at your blatant display of honor.

“It’s wonderful to meet you, Miro Squad.”

You bow, though you feel dirty for doing so.

“I trust Commander Erwin made you aware of today’s efforts?”

Miro nods. “We intend to serve however we can.”

They don’t know.

They need to know.

They need to make an informed decision before—

“Lieutenant,” a deep voice sounds behind you, and your skin crawls.

Turning your chin, you stare eye to eye with the blue-eyed man boring down on you.

Commander Erwin appears somber.

Stoic.

“Yes, Commander?”

The question is small, but it drips with a knowing venom.

Erwin is not fazed. “Captain Levi is tending to the horses at the stables. Can you aid him in preparation before departure?”

To you, you conjure what appears to be a clear answer woven between the lines:

Do not interfere. Do not disobey.

You hold rank to an extent in the Scouts, but what the Commander says, goes.

Continuing to hold his icy blue stare, you try to convey the question you cannot say out loud.

(Do they know what is about to happen?)

Erwin continues to stare right back, not the least bit fazed by the conflict in your brow.

He is confident. He is headstrong.

An answer.

They're going to dedicate their hearts.

(Just like you, too, promised years ago.)

Without another word, you turn on a heel and beeline straight to the stables.

Anger.

Why do you feel so much anger?

Is it because the outcome feels bleak well before mission has started?

Are the odds truly this stacked against humanity?

When you reach the parted doors of the stables, he's there — Levi Ackerman stands in front of his black stallion, gliding a gentle hand down its muzzle.

He senses your presence well before you even say a word.

He turns easily to you, but his eyes sharpen a fraction when he picks up how pinched your shoulders are.

“James,” he greets neutrally, brow knitting. “What’s—”

“Miro Squad just showed up.”

“Who?”

“Don’t play dumb,” you snip, making your way to your own horse — she has a white coat with speckled gray spots all along her body.

She makes a small chortle noise when you near and you serve your flattened palm to her for a nuzzle.

(Behind the pen doors, you note she already has her gear in place. Levi must have already saddled her up for you while you were getting ready.)

The dark-haired man to your left sighs in a huff.

“Not playing dumb, James. I was genuinely asking.”

“It’s the squad Erwin’s setting up for slaughter,” you decide to elaborate hotly.

A pause passes.

You don't turn to see Levi's expression, but you can sense how tense the space between the two of you has become.

“If it’s Miro Squad he called to action, then they’ve fared well in comparison to the other squadrons," he argues with little fire. "Did he personally request them?"

"Allegedly."

"Allegedly?" Levi repeats, sharper in tone. "Either he did or he didn't."

"According to Miro, yes, he sent an urgent letter requesting aid."

Finally you turn a cheek towards him, forcing your eyes to meet.

You know that look he gives you sidelong.

Don’t start.

(Neither of you need to fight again, not before this mission.)

"Then Erwin didn't pick a random crop of Scouts to shit the bed and die on us," Levi reasons, softer. Conspiratorial. "I know you think he’s a bastard, but—”

“Worst case scenario,” you interrupt, “at least his Special Ops team won’t die?”

“If my strategy goes well, then no one dies." He counters with the certainty that’s entirely Levi. “You forget my name is on the damn ledger, too, unless this is you trying to tell me something.”

White-hot embarrassment courses your veins as your childhood friend waits for you to challenge his statement — to call him an equal-part premeditated murderer sat right beside the commander.

You can’t.

You won’t.

Instead you cool off by slowly petting your horse, willing your bad feeling to wither away.

After a moment, Levi wills his voice to soften again. “We need as many Scouts as we can—”

“I know.”

“—and even then, if we all kick the bucket, it's on me."

Levi finishes with a heavy sigh. He turns away, dropping his chin to his chest.

“I'll take whatever punishment fits the crime if it goes to shit."

A beat passes.

Blinking several times, you turn your body to him and drop the attitude.

“...and I'll do everything in my power to make sure we stay alive," you whisper softly. "That everyone comes home."

Levi’s head hangs, cascading his wispy black hair as a curtain over his face.

“That's not supposed to be your burden."

"Where you go, I go, remember?" you tell him. "For better or worse, I don't care."

"Wanna workshop vows, huh?" he mumbles. "Right now?"

This seems to ease the air about the stables.

Centimeter by centimeter, twin pairs of shoulders release in their tension.

You can't help but smile, even if the moment is tense.

"I think the Commander would find the dramatics funny."

"Oh, sure, proposing to your ass right before the single-biggest mission in Scout history would really tickle his funny bone," he sarcastically replies.

"It'd sure tickle Hange's."

"Hange doesn't need more ammunition, not after catching our asses that one time—"

"That one time that was your fault, you mean?" You grin as he glares. Still, his scowl is playful. "Loud Mouth Ackerman—"

"Shut up, Lieutenant."

Levi lets go of his horse and raises his hand, palm outstretched.

“Get the hell over here before anyone catches us a second time, alright?”

Albeit small, he smiles.

It's forced, like he wants to remember this — to focus on this.

The final moments before the point of no return.

Like a moth to a flame, you step away from your horse to step towards the short, dark-haired man.

Once you’re close enough, he pulls you in from the nape of your neck and drags your forehead to his, pressing them together.

His eyes squeeze shut.

You stare, memorizing his face.

“I love you,” he murmurs. “Don’t die.”

All the anger in your body melts away.

“I love you, too,” you reply just as softly. “I won’t—”

The stable door creaks.

You leap off of the captain to pretend like you’re picking up the bucket of water at his boots.

Levi stays put, dropping his arm like dead weight.

“Captain. Lieutenant.”

You don’t need to see the face to know it’s Erwin’s voice echoing through the stables.

“It’s time to move out.”

You both reply in unison, two different octaves.

“Yes, sir.”

The formation is simple:

Captain Levi leads the charge into the forbidden forest with Lieutenant James at his side.

Behind them in a diamond formation are the Special Operation Scouts Petra, Oluo, Gunther, and Eld.

Command Erwin, Section Commander Hange, and Moblit remain at headquarters for the recon and debrief.

At the rear of the formation are Miro Squad to specifically call out nearing and flanking titans that the first squad may miss.

They shadow the Special Operations unit as back-ups, no matter the cost.

And at first? It's easy.

Deceiving easy.

The mouth of the forest gives little trouble.

Both squadrons of Scouts breach the thick grove of towering trees without incident.

Thirty minutes into this mission, in the belly of this beast, not a single Abnormal has been spotted.

There aren't any typical titans, either.

It’s quiet.

Serene.

“Alright, listen up!”

With his hands tightly wound around leather reigns, Captain Levi finally calls to the Scouts behind him.

“Keep your eyes peeled. Abnormals do not move like other titans. These shitheads can be fast and appear at a moment’s notice.”

“Right!” Several of the Miro squad shouts back.

The Special Operations squad is too focused to reply.

Whenever you glance over at Levi, he’s smooth as stone.

He refuses to allow any emotion cloud his judgment on a mission, and you can imagine it won’t be any different this go-around.

Because this mission cannot fail.

The Scouts must push forward, no matter the cost.

(Even if the irrevocable cost makes you sick to your stomach.)

The sun shines bright over a canopy of trees.

Your cloak is too warm in this type of weather.

As you push further into the thick of the terrain, nearing what is assumed to be the halfway point of the forest, birds chirp less and less.

Eerie silence overtakes the pounding of hooves into the dirt.

Then, as fast as an inhale, you see it:

Directly ahead trudges a nine-meter titan, peering around a thick tree trunk.

"Captain!" Gunther shouts. "Ahead at our twelve!"

"I see the piece of shit," Levi calls back. "We keep moving. I'll take care of it."

You don't doubt that he will.

As it continues to slowly advance on your formation, you can tell the team is a little more tense.

Ready —

Except no one was prepared, not really.

The titan ahead is an army of one, but it is not the only titan here.

It was just the only one right in front of you.

Behind you sounds a scream so bloodcurdling that you nearly lock up on your horse.

You turn despite yourself.

Within seconds, you see Max get ripped clear off of his horse with the sheer force of otherworldly strength.

(...a hand?)

Then, a gust of wind sweeps and swirls the dirt into a lackluster tornado.

His horse narrowly escapes.

It rolls over and over, kicking up a thick dust cloud.

Max speeds through the air at breakneck speed like a human arrow —

Until he abruptly crashes into a thick tree trunk, dislocating his spine from his head.

The crunch is like ripping a stalk of ripe lettuce in half.

He simply crumples against the tree, limbs peacefully blowing in the wind like a leaf.

His Scout cloak billows over his shocked face, forever frozen in belated surprise.

Gone.

Just like that.

Then from the shadows, as if waiting for its prey, a five-meter titan stumbles around a tree to chomp on the recently deceased body.

It gnaws off his legs as they dangle in the air, spattering blood all over the forest floor.

Your horse gallops on.

You can't look away.

Then someone screams, forcing your eyes to rip away from the horror.

“Cesca!” A blonde girl shrieks to the right of the formation — Penelope, you think her name is. “Don’t!”

“It's devouring him!” Cesca wails at the top of her lungs. “We have to go back for him!”

“He’s already dead!” Trina calls with experienced calm. “There's no use, soldiers! Keep your eyes forward. We keep moving!”

“James—”

Your head turns when Levi calls to you.

Wide eyes meet a narrowed gaze.

“—that means you, too.”

Your eyes round with the realization that everything is happening so fast yet moving in slow motion.

What was that thing?

Was that a... ?

You were so busy watching Max get eaten that you didn’t realize three more titans appeared on the northeast corner, awakened by the screams of Miro Squad.

Shit.

This isn’t good.

This is not good.

“Levi,” you begin slowly, but he shakes his head.

"Don't hesitate. We push forward no matter what."

He's right.

Max is dead.

You just have to hope the rest of Miro squad keeps their wits about them.

You turn your head to make eye contact with Miro.

“Faster!”

“Roger, Lieutenant,” Miro tells you before shouting to their team. “Keep going, Scouts! We should be halfway through the clearing.”

“Miro,” Trina alerts them sharply, "three more titans are crowding from the right."

“Shit, what does that make it now? Seven of them!?” Miro hisses.

(Seven?)

Your eyes connect with Petra who appears equal parts shocked at just how quickly this mission has dissolved.

“I— there's a whole bunch of them in the back!”

Penelope calls frantically, staring behind her.

"They're surrounding us!"

Three to the east.

Another three to the northwest.

A couple to the south, and another...

Something entirely unlike anything you'd ever seen before.

“Captain, we’re going to need to ditch the horses,” you tell Levi in a hushed voice.

“Not yet,” he replies, smooth and certain.

“Not yet?" you repeat. "Levi, we have an entire army of goddamn titans on our—”

“I said not yet,” he coolly bites. “I’ll handle them.”

You know he will.

You just don’t want him to go up against them on his own.

Suddenly someone from the right side of the formation ignites their ODM gear, and they swoop overhead.

Blonde hair whooshes straight by the team and into the forest thick.

Penelope is the first to pull the trigger.

“I’m gonna get ahead of the curve and attack!” she calls, zipping through the trees towards some of the smaller titans.

Levi says nothing, but Miro shouts to their own squad:

“That wasn’t the plan! Damn it, Penelope!”

Her body rounds one of the tree trunks and heads right, disappearing.

Say something.

Say anything.

If that thing that killed Max is how an Abnormal moves, then Penelope doesn't stand a chance on her own.

You speak to him again. "Captain—”

“Not yet, James.”

“Penelope is going to get killed!” you argue, your grip on the reigns tightening.

“That’s the choice she made,” Captain Levi argues in return, sounding a little too much like Commander Erwin in the moment. “Remain steady and wait for my signal.”

Twigs fold and crackle under new weight to your right.

Then a thud shakes the straight through the horses and into you.

Penelope must have taken down at least one normal titan.

“Captain!”

Miro shouts in the middle of the squad.

“Should we engage? My squad can take care of the titans and carve a path forward!”

There is a tense, pregnant pause.

Everyone waits for Levi's instruction.

Two smaller titans walk directly towards the horses.

The dark-haired man's nostrils flare with decision.

“I’m going to take down the two ahead,” Levi shouts, effortlessly swinging a boot to the saddle of his horse.

With the muscles of his thigh he pushes until both boots are surfing against his running horse.

His black hair blows wildly in the wind. Like a well-oiled machine, he pushes back his cloaks to reveal his ODM gear, readying for deployment.

"Miro, take your squad and eliminate the enemies flanking us. You can come back to us once you're finished."

“What about the rest of us, sir?” calls Oluo.

Levi’s eyes narrow at the enemies ahead.

“My squad will keep the horses going. We need to make it to the end of this forest, for humanity's sake."

"And Captain, what about Penelope?" you quickly ask.

"She's a lost cause, Lieutenant."

He speaks with that coldness he's been forced to adopt ever since your days in the Underground.

"We can't go back for her."

You turn to watch as Miro squad disengages formation and turns around, charging bravely towards the crowd of titans forming behind.

An array of shapes and sizes await their swords.

(Or their flesh.)

Any minute now and it could be a bloodbath.

Any minute—

Levi flies off of his horse, trapezing through the trees.

A gas trail from how hard his gear is working is your only indicator for where he is at such a height.

He twirls with the shine of his unsheathed swords, slashing the napes of the two large titans ahead.

A victory.

Except it's a short-lived victory, because you hear it behind you—

Miro squad.

They're in trouble.

Even from this distances you hear Cesca, Rini, and Orin scream and panic.

Scouts fly between tree branches with smoke trailing behind. ODM gear ignites and retracts without any real clear sense of direction.

They're drowning back there.

You see the silhouette of someone falling to the forest floor.

"One of us needs to help them," you tell Eld, and he shakes his head sharply.

"You heard Captain Levi."

"They're two fucking Scouts down, Eld!" you snap at your comrade. "We'll lose seven whole people!"

"We can't go against captain's orders, Lieutenant!" Petra calls to you, and Oluo nods beside her.

Scanning your squad still soldiering ahead with the plan, you feel something grip your heart.

Yet another gut-wrenching shriek sounds from the forest.

Maybe it's Penelope.

Maybe it's Cesca.

The voices reverberate and echo through the forest that it's hard to tell.

You don't even realize that you're moving your hands over your cloak to push it out of the way.

Eighty to forty.

"The hell are you doing!?"

The clipped tone of Levi Ackerman as he drops back onto his stallion rips you back into focus.

His knee drops to the saddle, facing his soldiers rather than what's ahead.

Your eyes meet narrowed gray.

"I can help," you tell him calmly. "They're going to die."

"Stay."

"They're going to die, Le—"

"Stay, Lieutenant." Levi's nostril's flare. "That's an order."

Miro squad's screams continue to haunt your subconscious.

You promised.

You said you'd stay by his side.

But isn't this what the Scout Regiment is for?

To save humanity, to give them hope.

It used to be something you felt was such a crock of shit, but you can't ignore the screams back there.

You can't let them die.

"I'm going to help them," you tell him without a tremor. "You know I can do it."

Levi's eyes flash with an indiscernible emotion.

"We'll all come back in one piece. I'll guide them to the horses."

"No."

"And we'll make it to the end of this fucking forest."

You stare back at him, pleading a forgiveness you haven't asked for yet.

(You saved me once. Let me save them.)

"If you go," he growls, "James, if you go, I'll—"

"I'll take whatever punishment fits my crime," you cut him off, "but I can't let them all die."

His pupils shrink, sharpening the whites of his eyes.

The wheeze of ODM gear bursts into life as it lifts you off of your saddle and into the forest sky.

Without thinking, you twist at the hip and take off—

You head south towards the screaming squad as they fight to break free from the titan hoard holding them hostage.

Wind freezes your cheeks.

The outlines of their bodies grow more pronounced the closer you become.

Soon you see five Scouts flying around, swinging their swords to destroy the last remaining titan.

Below are a cluster of smaller dead ones decaying by the second.

Trina, Miro's second-in-command, screams at the top of her lungs as she reaches out to her comrades.

"Help! Please, I don't want to be eaten! Please!"

She's stuck in the clutches of a ten-meter titan, slowly bringing her closer and closer to its open mouth.

They’re everywhere.

(How did everything go so wrong so fast?)

You don't think about dying. You don't worry about how upset Levi will be when you return. You don't stop to second guess your actions.

You don’t.

You just do.

Yelling at the top of your lungs, you rip both blades from their metallic sheaths at your hips.

Spinning from the momentum of your swing, you slice straight through the wrist of the titan holding Trina hostage.

She falls with enough smarts to break her fall with her own gear.

“James!” Trina cries out with equal parts despair and relief. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I came to make sure you were all okay," you tell them, shaking your head. "I guess you didn't really need back-up. We still have your horses..."

But you trail off, confused.

They should be relieved.

They killed every last titan back here.

Yet the Miro squad cling to the trees, skin as translucent as ghosts.

"Something big ate Penelope!" Cesca sobs, swinging her sword frantically to keep invisible outstretched fingers at bay. Her eyes are a window to nothing. As if she's curled into herself as she screams to you. "You need to—"

You're about to ask what the hell she's talking about.

But then you see it:

Climbing.

No, crawling through the trees, running like a rabid dog through the branches to eye up its prey.

A titan.

In comparison to other titans, it's practically a sun spot.

And it's so fast.

Eleven meters tall. Maybe thirteen.

You can't tell when its crouched like that.

Deformed.

Curled in on itself.

Then it halts when it sees you, blocking you from the rest of Miro squad.

A chill runs up your spine.

You stop to balance against the side of a tree trunk, staring face-to-face with your first Abnormal.

Its grin is something straight out a nightmare.

Its eyes track you, as if it...

As if it hopes you’ll flinch and begin the chase.

Shit.

You can't get around it.

You're stuck here — but the other five aren't.

“Trina, Miro, find Captain Levi,” you force yourself to speak, unable to look away from the Abnormal. “Take your squad north. Tell them you found an Abnormal."

“But—”

“I said go north, damn it,” you growl, clenching your teeth.

"What about you?" Miro asks.

“I'll be right behind you," you promise, though you damn well know you can't run straight through with your gear.

Why isn’t this titan attacking you?

Is it just waiting for you to run first?

Dedicate your heart.

No — this thing isn't going to kill you.

Max is dead. Penelope is dead.

But you came just in time to save five others.

You can save them, yourself, and this mission.

No, you won't die.

Not today.

“Go!”

Shouting at the top of your lungs, the Abnormal finally dives to attack you.

Only when you swing past it do you realize it was waiting — not for you, no, but for an eight-meter and ten-meter with blood all over its mouth to catch up.

Not one, but three Abnormals.

Shit.

Miro and Trina gather Orin, Cesca, and Rini.

All five swing through the trees back towards where you just came from.

In the meantime, you exhaust your efforts through intense ODM defensive maneuvers to avoid getting caught in the clutches — or teeth — of the three titans.

They chase after you, using the trees to their advantage.

It's no use.

You can't outrun all three.

So you'll have to fight these assholes to find a way out.

Turning abruptly, you side-step the lurching ten-meter reaching out towards you.

With a battle cry from the gut, you scream and slice straight through the nape of its neck.

Steam emits as it gurgles and stumbles, effectively dying on the forest floor.

One down.

Three to go.

You set your sights on the smaller titan first, gliding and sliding through the trees.

(The eleven-meter titan will be your greatest problem. You choose to make it your final priority.)

When you flip in the air, crown pointed to the ground and feet in the air, you can no longer see the bodies of Miro squad.

Only a faint trail of their gas fumes linger.

It’s just you, and the things that want to kill you.

But you won't die today.

No, you are not dying in this fucking forest.

Because you promised him.

Skating across a large tree trunk, you swan dive in the air and reattach your gear to opposite tree trunks, sights locked on the eight-meter titan.

The eight-meter monster stares directly at you, but you use its shoulder to lodge your spike directly into its flesh.

The momentum of the swing offers enough brutality to effectively rip into the nape of its neck, causing titan blood to splatter all over your body.

It stumbles, falling to the forest floor. You remain perched on its shoulder, sword extended.

Two down.

You can do this.

You can finish these titans off and meet up with the team before the mission is over.

It isn’t a lost cause.

Determined to see it through, you turn on the heel of your boot—

With a might crack of its arm, the eleven-meter knocks you clear off of the eight-meter’s shoulder and straight into the tree your gear is already attached to.

Your head hits.

The world turns into stars right before your eyes.

And before you can find yours wits and attack back—

Its fiery palm seizes your body from the tree trunk and squeezes.

The momentum nearly rips your spine in half when the Abnormal grabs you.

You gasp for air, knocked clear from your lungs.

Because you didn’t disengage your ODM line latched into the nearby tree, the sheer force of its grip on you bends your gear, forcing you to ragdoll between the points.

Shit.

The grapple of your gear won’t budge.

It won’t detract.

The jerking movements between the manhandling of the Abnormal and your jammed gear create a perfect storm of injuries.

Pops and crunches trickle up your body, breaking bones upon bones upon bones—

You see white.

The titan cannot get you loose from the tree, and you cannot get loose from it, so you act on pure instinct — with what little strength you have left, it stretches out and around to swipe your sword through the titans hand, narrowly missing your own chest.

One chance, and you took it.

Because not only did the sword cut through the titan, but it split the ODM line keeping you eleven meters in the air.

When you realize you can’t even breathe when the titan lets you go, you know what’s coming.

Weightless and numb of your own pain, you can feel the wind on your face, but your lungs refuse to expand.

They’re trapped from a cracked rib, and you’re out of time.

Something as bittersweet as foolish bravery crawls through your skin, burning it alive:

No one is coming.

You told Miro squad to run.

You defied orders.

—but you promised Levi you wouldn’t die.

(Is this the end of all things, right here?)

The screams and shouts echoing through your mind are not of Levi and Miro squad, no, but of your lost comrades — the ones who experienced the very same hopeless, fleeting feeling of fear right before they went.

You think of ash-blonde hair. Ginger locks.

Were Furlan and Isobel afraid?

When they couldn’t survive the Scouts, when they fought titans, did they look up at the sky just like you?

Did they know it was the end?

Were they worried they disappointed Levi?

Did they think of you, too, the way you're thinking about them?

Would they hate you for what you've done to Levi?

Four pairs of hopeful eyes walked up those Underground City stairs and into this world, yet only one will remain.

I promised.

You open your mouth, but nothing comes out.

No screams.

No sobs.

You reach for the branches, watching the glittering sun through the canopy of trees, but you cannot touch them.

There is nothing you can do.

I’m sorry.

You continue to reach for the sky like you’ll catch on something without strength.

Your adrenaline-addled mind runs through so many memories—

The fighting rings of the Underground City;

The dream of leaving this place;

The feeling of the sun on bare skin;

Him.

Levi Ackerman.

Captain of the Scout Regiment. Humanity’s Strongest.

Your best friend.

The love of your life.

The boy who saved you, over and over, until—

“James!”

Suddenly your body reacts with a pained, strangled gasp.

The beauty of the sun disappears when a dark, oval silhouette overtakes it.

A brilliant shimmer of emerald billows around it.

It twirls and slashes the nape of the eleven-meters neck before pivoting south.

Towards you.

The silhouette nears at supernatural speeds, a trail of gas zipping in its wake—

It’s a man.

His gaze is overtaken by the whites of his eyes.

With how fast he’s descending from the tree tops, it’s a miracle he ducks and dodges every rogue branch.

His black hair is pinned to the sides of his head. The terror is written all over his face.

That face…

Levi.

You can’t speak, but you instinctively reach for his hand.

He grits his teeth, willing his body to fall faster. He breaks a barrier and soars closer to your orbit.

“Stay with me!” Levi shouts, voice determined and strong. “I’ll catch you!”

But you’ve been falling for what feels like hours, and he’s caught you so many times in the past.

When you struggled with ODM gear training, Levi would be the one to spot your fall. Every time, without failure.

But it wasn't his duty to catch you.

It wasn't his duty to come back for you.

He reaches out a hand, teeth clenched, but his fingertips just barely miss yours.

"Shit. C'mon, James, reach!"

He's getting desperate.

You've never seen him desperate.

The ground must be close.

Is it close?

(I’m sorry.)

You wish you could tell him.

You wish you had the strength, the breath, to do so.

(I'm sorry.)

You failed him.

You didn’t listen.

You should have listened.

With what little strength is left in your both, you roll your shoulder forward to send your hand towards his.

Your fingertips touch again, but he can’t quite grasp you.

(But then so many others would have died. An entire squad of seven in a formation of fourteen instead of just three. Isn’t that what the Scouts are supposed to fight for, Levi? Isn’t that why we work so damn hard to achieve this dream for humanity?)

His breath hitches.

His eyes explode.

Because he knows what’s coming, too.

“James!”

A sorrowful breath that should be his name exits your mouth.

(Levi, I’m so sorry. I love—)

The back of your head slams into the ground.

A sickening thud.

A lost gasp of air.

The world goes black.

Why did you do it?

Do what?

“James!”

A baritone voice shouts your name.

It’s guttural, echoing with desperation. Fear.

You gave me a second chance.

The man dives through the trees at an otherworldly pace.

Arms pressed tight to his sides, he expertly zig-zags through an array of branches, propelling his body forward.

His emerald cloak billows from behind in an angelic halo.

As he nears, you can make out the whites of his widened eyes.

Instinctively, your hand reaches for him—

A certain sort of deja vu—

Then it hits.

. Because where you go, I follow.

Something heavy crashes straight into your body.

Two strong arms envelope you.

A palm cradles the back of your head.

Metallic gear wheezes, straining against its mechanics when your side hits solid ground.

Over and over, you spin at lightning speed.

Whatever holds you does not let go.

— then you collide with something solid, and everything just stops.

Silence.

Dirt kicks up around you in a cloud.

Twin hearts beat against each other.

Slowly you raise your hand to your shoulder—

Reaching—

Until you find his hand.

Your shaking fingers curl over his.

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