#my heart can’t handle the emotional roller coaster but I’m here for all of it
Note
Ugh it’s really late at night where I am and I can’t sleep and it just popped into my mind that I’m low-key terrified and excited to see what you’re gonna do with the third part of your Mickey-Randy fic. Is Mickey gonna go through with killing him? How will reader react if he does? Will she find out it’s Mickey? WILL MICKEY GET WHAT HE WANTS?
You best believe the moment you post it I’m locking myself in a dark ass room and telling my boyfriend to leave me tf alone for 3-5 business days
Well! I had the past two days off and I finished up this! For those who haven’t read part one or two of this trilogy I would recc that you do! Seriously, I never thought I would love doing this so much but I did! Massive shout out to @applesontheground for going over this and betaing pre-posting! Now then, I don’t wanna waste much time, I just wanna dive in and get deep! The long awaited conclusion of this trilogy is here! Let’s get deep in the paint!
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Rating. Explicit. Length. 6.5K. Mickey Altieri And Randy Meeks X FEM! AFAB! Reader. She/Her Pronouns. Warnings: So Much Context Needed. Threesomes. Sloppy Seconds. Cuckholding. Semi-Public Sex. Blow Job. Throat Fucking. Gagging. Stalking. Murder Plot. Murder. Blood. Gore. Angst. Hurt. Comfort. Death. Grief. Vaginal Sex. Kissing. Confessions Of Feelings. Manipulation.
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You Need Me Like I Need You.
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When did shit, namely, his life, get this fucking complicated?
He used to think that sex was pretty straight forward, that he had a good handle on himself, his interests and personal sexuality, even before he brought anyone else into the equation but now all the lines are blurred and muddy. He never knew that it could all be so varied, which seems fucking stupid now. The human experience has untold and truly vast depth, of course sex, something that has existed as long as people themselves have existed, has a million different ways to explore, play with and partake in and Randy had been confronted with all that, thrown headfirst into it with almost no preparation.
Randy has experienced impossibly high highs and some true lows, the emotional roller coaster of it all was a lot to handle but also, shamefully, addicting as hell.
He didn’t know that there could be so much sexual enjoyment derived from such typically and previously negatively associated feeling, particularly, humiliation. He had experienced plenty of humiliation over the years and it always, well, fucking sucked but for some reason, when it cropped up again from that tape and subsequent threesomes with Mickey, it made his heart race in a different way, a much better, albeit, confusing way.
When he first was confronted with that tape he was a mess, when you eventually pulled out what was wrong he was still a total mess, and during that first threesome, he was even more of one. Mickey was an almost intolerable asshole but he had to admit, the things he did to you, the view and picture you both provided him, undeniably hot, much better than any bargain basement dumpster porn tape he ever watched by far. He hated that every boundary he tried to lay down, like Mickey wearing a condom, was ignored. Even further, the disrespecting of said boundaries were usually encouraged by you, as you seemingly craved it too. The shared wants between you and Mickey took precedence over his comfort and boundaries, he certainly didn’t do much to dissuade you both when he let it keep happening, especially when the evidence of how hard it made him was clear as day.
And the rules Mickey did agree to? It turns out he was lying, placating Randy to gain consent and access to you to then do what he wanted in the end. The worst of the worst is that when Randy had you afterwards, totally messy and stuffed with cum, literally subjected to Mickey’s sloppy seconds. It felt so fucking good that he couldn’t bring himself to have a single negative thing to say, any complaints die on his tongue as he buries his face into your neck and himself inside you to the hilt.
Mickey said he would pull out, Mickey was apparently a fucking liar and when Randy was on his back afterwards, sweat slick and panting, still dizzy and high off the hardest orgasm he had in recent memory, he wanted to fucking thank the guy for making him do this and see how good it was. He would never actually thank him, Mickey’s ego was already approaching the size of a supernova from this situation as it was, he is sure if he thanked him for cumming in you when he asked him not to? He cannot imagine how much worse he would become. It doesn’t matter that true the experience was fucking great, the ignoring of his consent was screwed up, thanking him further sends the wrong message.
So Randy put up with Mickey’s comments and overall attitude, he says he puts up with, but really he enjoys it, mostly secretly, he downplays his enjoyment but that damn knowing smirk of Mickey’s makes him think he isn’t as good an actor as he wants to be.
This has been going on for a month.
A glorious, confusion littered, fuck centered, sweat soaked and embarrassment filled month. In the moment and with his dick in his hand it is easier to take, he gets swept up in how filthy it is, finds himself consumed with your new relationship dynamic constantly. In the quiet moments between doing other things his mind wanders to either your last hookup or what might potentially happen in the next one.
The last one he keeps on thinking about is a rather risky semi-public hookup, it was late, rushed, in the stairwell leading up to Randy’s apartment. The sight is burned into his mind, Mickey leaning against the wall, his fingers in your hair as he leads you while you are on your knees, blowing him, right in front of Randy. It is all so striking, so clear, as if it is still happening right in front of Randy when he thinks of it, the low light, the way Mickey’s head tips back and rests against the concrete wall. A bead of sweat rolls down the column of his throat, along with the bob of his Adam's apple from a heavy swallow he took after a harsh inhale of air. He hears the quiet moan, the curse that spills out as he rocks his hips to force himself deeper into your mouth, you gag, Mickey laughs breathlessly with that half sideways smirk and then, he looks at him. Mickey’s head no longer rests and instead brown eyes meet blue and that smile grows into an outright sadistic grin as he drives forward harder, more purposefully and the moan you let around the shaft invading your mouth makes Randy ache in his jeans.
Someone speaks to him, asks him a question and it pulls him out of his head, Christ, he wasn’t listening and he is far too hard over his walk down memory lane while stuck in class still. He needs to stop, he fucking hates himself for thinking and feeling like this so often. He especially hates himself for how he couldn’t wait and ended up cumming in that same stairwell a week previous during that hookup he was just pouring over, he has to fight back the urge to cringe thinking about whatever poor sap had to clean that up.
True, while he is caught up in his head and consumed with all of this often, filled to the brim with negativity more than he’d like to be, things with you had gotten infinitely better. Your sex life together had gotten downright incredible in his opinion, he relishes the time he can be alone just you and himself without Mickey around. It isn’t as dirty as the threesomes you have, it’s softer, sweeter, more intimate and not as intense but he thinks you both need that. He has taken Mickey’s advice to heart and his fingering and oral skills have improved leaps and bounds, he loves when he is able to pull a sound out of you that reminds him of one Mickey has made you gasp out previously.
He wasn’t sure how long this could or would go on for, it couldn’t last forever but this didn’t have to stop anytime soon, there wasn’t any reason to rush, right? Not when it felt so good and it seemed to be actively bettering and strengthening your relationship as opposed to harming it. So the worries are shoved aside, pushed to the back of his mind, a problem for future him.
Mickey is positively elated over how this has all panned out so far. He knew this stage would be fun, he just didn’t count on how much fun it could be. He got to not only fuck you, he got to humiliate Randy while he did it, being balls deep in you while you were moaning like a total whore and your pathetic cuck of a boyfriend was jerking off to it, making eye contact with the sad little redhead in that moment? Making him truly be confronted with the sight of what he could do to you? My lord, he is sure he will never need viagra when he is fifty plus, he can just recall that memory and be good to go.
You were just so intoxicating, he thought he had it bad for you before he got to fuck you that first night Randy pissed you off but he was so wrong, it only got worse when he got to know you in the biblical sense. Now that he knows how you sound when he has two fingers angled just right inside of you, or how you feel when you are cumming on him, his interest grew into a full on crush and became infinitely worse. He couldn’t get you out of his head, how could he push it out of his mind or forget such an experience?
You were a delight, a joy to be around, so funny, so filthy and ready, willing and open. You got him, understood him, the sexual compatibility was a massive plus of course but it was more than that. It was the hushed whispers during class of dumb jokes that make you stifle laughter, it was shared lunches, and those times where you and he would end up crashing together post threesome and wake up side by side before Randy did. He knew you felt more for him than you were saying, the moments you would hold his hand when Randy wasn’t around told him that, the way you looked at him, would brighten when seeing him, it all tattled on your true feelings. He was sure of how you felt.
Christ, he couldn’t wait until he could have you all to himself as opposed to having to carve out these small moments whenever Randy wasn’t hanging off you like he was doing his best impression of a koala bear.
It was so soon. Mickey could hardly contain himself. The last thing standing between you and him being together is your boyfriend that you were still holding onto for some reason. Clearly it was out of some sense of loyalty, he liked that quality about you. So it means that he has to get rid of him and then you will be able to get with him guilt free, it’s the only thing that makes sense. The single option.
You are more than worth him doing this, uprooting and changing his whole plan, Nancy had to go. She just did, no way would she understand or be on board, she was just a means to an end really, she bankrolled him sure but it isn’t like he was attached to her. He believed in his motive, in what he wanted but now that he had you, the idea of risking going to jail wasn’t high on his list of to-do’s. Maybe he could keep a low profile, maybe he would be satisfied being with you, having you and quietly killing people to satisfy those parts of himself from time to time. If he did go through with the original plan there is still a chance it might fail. Was he willing to risk even a slight chance of being separated from you?
He is sure that the high he would get if he could pull it off, kill and spill his guts, blame the violence of movies and not go to jail would be immense, but then that part of his life would be over, that chapter closed. No way he could keep killing. Or, maybe he could, if he could keep getting away with it after that it would be amazing, however if caught that same plea wouldn’t work twice.
Perhaps the real high could be in never, ever getting caught.
Between that and you, he might be just fine.
He should feel worse, shouldn’t he? The thought was on his mind as he was cleaning his knife in the sink after putting an end to Nancy, he should feel something, but he just didn’t. Honestly seeing the look of betrayal on her face was priceless, she never would have thought Mickey would do this to her. She sobbed and begged, going on about how could Mickey do this to her, she needed to avenge her “sweet baby boy-” and yeah, he wasn’t going to listen to her go on about that. He didn’t waste much time on her, didn’t linger or monologue or go on and on, he made it relatively painless and pretty quick.
The important thing is she was gone and now he could focus on killing Randy.
Unlike his previous and now dead partner, he wanted to make it hurt, he wanted to destroy Randy, make him unrecognisable, but he knew that might not be best. Logical thought doesn't usually win out in these situations however. He hated how Randy took you for granted, he hated how you looked at him, that you insisted on staying together, hated every time he watched you kiss or anything else, he wanted to stab the knife into his chest, pierce his heart and twist. Wanted to watch him gasp, struggle, and bleed.
He had a good handle on Randy’s schedule because of your arrangement, he is coming back from a late class, going back to his apartment while Mickey follows far enough behind to not alert him, yet.
Ol’ Randy was so oblivious, he was going to make this way too easy. Mickey felt his anticipation grow with every single step, every heavy footfall makes his mind run with possibility and pure excitement.
He wanted to rush him, tackle him to the ground, end it right here out in the open but that is stupid and way too risky, it still doesn’t stop how his hands itch, he craved to have his knife in his grip, to bury it in something. The urge to penetrate in a violent sense and in a sexual sense are not that different and Mickey finds it so hard to ignore either of those urges. Soon it is just right, soon Randy is unlocking the door to his apartment building and Mickey picks up the pace, he runs forward, he timed it just right, the door opens and he knocks into Randy, causing him to stumble into the building with a shocked, “Woah!”
With him totally off balance Mickey takes the opportunity, hand gripping the collar of his shirt behind his neck, he moves him, comes forward, hauling Randy along, he bursts into the stairwell door in the lobby, that same one that you all hooked up in. He is quickly throwing him with all of his strength against the stairs. It hurts his spine, knocks the wind out of him, he groans feeling slightly dazed and when his eyes open he sees the figure clad in that all too familiar black robe and white mask and his heart drops. Eyes widen and he curses, trying to scramble back on the stairs, “Shit, fuck-”
God he loved that look. Pure and unadulterated terror, totally horrified, there was only one way to make it better, Mickey pulled the knife out, the glint of the blade in the low light flashes over his face, it made Randy’s breath catch. He tried to bolt, tried to turn to launch himself up the stairs, towards the safety of his apartment, away from his would-be attacker and that wasn’t going to happen. Mickey was on him too fast, one hand threads in short red hair and he jerks his head back, making it slam on the concrete, the sound was sickening and it made his struggle so much weaker immediately. Mickey sat on his stomach, knees on either side of him, he took in the view below him. Randy was already bleeding from his head wound, scarlet starting to stain the concrete, holding his own head up weakly, his other hand reaching out, trying to push on Mickey’s torso feebly.
He enjoyed this immensely. He watches him for a moment before it starts, it’s like the calm before a storm, like in the summer when you can feel a thunderstorm brewing, something in the air telling you what is to come, as if you can feel the electricity threatening to crackle and break though.
He lingers for only a moment more, he knows he is pushing it, but fuck, he has wanted this for so long and when he started he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop.
Finally the moment is just right, he raises the knife and there is zero hesitation, it comes down and comes down hard. It embeds into his shoulder first, the air is practically sucked out of Randy, eyes wide, his hand comes up to clutch near the blade but Mickey didn’t take too kindly to that. He twists it and a choked off whimper left Randy and then he yanks the knife up, pulling the blade out, the body below him moving with the force of it, back arching as the struggle to remove steel is won quickly.
Randy is still trying to hold the wound at his shoulder but the angle is awkward and the pain is blinding, he doesn’t think anything could snap him out of the agony, his mind is running a million miles a second, synapses are firing but not connecting to anything. The urge to flee is strong but how? How can he get out, how can he get away, he is stuck, he hurts so much, what is he going to do? He thought he left all this behind in Woodsboro, he should have been more careful, he knew the threat, the risks, he should have taken that tape more seriously and realised he was being watched probably this entire time since he got said tape.
It turns out there is one thing that can pull him out of his head and free him enough from the pain to speak, eyes come into focus as the hurt is numbed with what he is seeing. Ghostface is still seated on top of him and the fingers leave his hair, hand comes up and the mask is tugged off to reveal is pseudo sort of fuck buddy or more accurately, YOUR fuck buddy and the cucker to Randy’s cuckee’, Mickey fucking Altieri.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Randy wheezed out, a cough that sounded too wet coming out after the words left him, “Mickey?”
“Heya Randy.” He dropped the mask, gloved fingers ran through his own hair as he stared down at the body starting to struggle under him once more. It all comes to Randy at once, the cheating, the tape, the “coincidences”, the dark edges to him, the knowing looks, he is the killer, he is Ghostface. Of course he is.
“What the fuck? Why-AHH!” Randy yelped as the knife came back down, settling in the other shoulder, he left it there, holding the handle as he said, “Oh why? Meeks wants to know why-”
Mickey hums and grips the handle harder before starting to twist it slightly, back and forth, digging deeper. Randy is crying now, tears falling down and struggling for breath, “-lots and lots of reasons. I had this whole big motive, this crazy plan, Billy’s mom, you remember Billy’s mom, Nancy Loomis, had found me and brought me here, bankrolled my education while I was meant to do the dirty work-”
Randy could hardly believe what he was hearing over the burning and pulsing pain, Mickey kept talking, “-but thennn, you-”
Mickey pointed down at Randy with his free hand, “-fucked up. You took your girl for granted and I got to swoop in at that party and our whole whatever the fuck you want to call it started and I realized, I don’t want to share her. I don’t want to follow through on that original plan. I just want her. But she’s-”
He ripped the knife out and Randy half screamed, blood splatters over his robe and the wall and when Randy’s scream subsided he was still holding the knife while he made air quotes as he said “-all “in love with you” for some fucking reason.”
Mickey shakes his head, “She’s amazing, but man that shit I just do not understand. I mean look at you! No fight at all! Fuck, you are so pathetic. You find out I fucked your girlfriend and you come to my apartment begging me to do it again while you watch?! Who does that?”
He laughs with a shake of his head, “I know as long as you are around she wouldn’t dump you and I couldn’t ask her to, I would come off like a total dick and then she might push me away and end our fun. That can’t happen!”
The exclamation is loud, angry, and violent. The knife comes back down again, in the ribs and Randy’s body jerks, he coughs, blood paints his chin, he wheezes, he thinks his lung might be punctured. Mickey barks out, “Look at me, Meeks.”
Randy’s eyes open half way, he feels woozy, Mickey looks positively manic, he has leaned down closer, still holding that knife handle so tightly, “I’m doing this because it’s the only way I see that she can be all mine. I’m killing you to fix this little problem. I’m going to be there while she grieves, I’m going to be the one to help her pick up the pieces, she’s gonna cling to me and then I’m gonna have her all to myself.”
Mickey was grinning, “Our little thing was a good time I’ll admit that but I’m ready to move up to the next level, I don’t want to be her classmate, or her friend, I don’t want to be her fuck buddy, I want to be her boyfriend. Not you.”
Randy is shaking his head, his face is so wet, blood, sweat, drool, tears, he is mouthing something, too weak to talk, Mickey thinks it’s “No” but who cares really.
“Yeah. It’s gonna happen and there is nothing you can do to stop it.” Mickey said in a condensing tone as he nodded, “You’re going to die, and soon it seems like!”
Mickey rips the knife out again and Randy jerks once more, nowhere near as strong, “I cannot wait. Not anymore. You should see her when we are alone, the way she looks at me, talks to me, she isn’t yours and hasn’t been for a while. I’m just helping her see it, speeding along the inevitable. She’s mine.”
The silver blade stained red cuts through the air and hits home again, lower this time and a similar reaction is drawn, weaker still, before being pulled out and then it happens again and again. Chest, ribs once more, stomach, stab, cut, rip, tear while repeating that one word over and over again. A quiet chant breathed through gritted teeth on harsh exhales from the sheer amount of exertion and effort, “Mine. Mine. Mine.”
Randy is dead.
He didn’t get proper last words but Mickey thinks he didn’t deserve them the same way that he didn’t deserve you. Mickey is sure it happened sometime between the seventh and the seventeenth stab but it doesn’t really matter. He stays there for a moment looking down at Randy, body slowly turning cold, bloodstained and eyes lifeless.
He sits until he is sick of looking at him and then he gets up, the robe and mask are rolled up and put into his bag. He leaves out the back way, the camera is broken on that side of the building so no one can possibly tie him to this. He left with a spring in his step and the bag under his arm and excited for the news to reach him naturally.
The phone ringing is what wakes him up, he is wiping sleep out of his eyes as he makes his way to the kitchen, he snatches it up off of the bar and brings it up to his ear, “Lo’?”
It’s you, the voice sounding wrecked, you barely get the words, “Randy’s dead-” before you are sobbing, he lets himself smile. You start trying to talk a mile a minute through your sobs and he listens to you go on for a minute before he cuts in asking you to take a breath before he is apologising, tell you how awful that sounds and as you are sniffing you ask quietly, “Ca-can you come over? I-I don’t wan-want to be alone.”
“I’ll be right there.” He assures and you tell him, “Hurry, please-”
He tells you he will be right there. He hangs up, he throws on clothes and finds himself humming on the way to your place. He shows up with coffee and breakfast, it’s stupid early and he isn’t sure when you last ate, he knocks and calls out, before he can get your name out the door is open and you are throwing your arms around his neck. He almost drops the coffee tray in one hand and the take out bag in the other but he keeps a grip on them. Your face is wet and buried in his shirt, body shaking and he says softly, “Oh hey, hey, I’m here.”
You stand in your doorway for minutes and he doesn’t rush you, he lets you cling to him and God this is already working out so well.
Once he manages to get you inside he sits with you, he makes sure you eat, he listens, holds the box of tissues while you lament, “I wasn’t allowed to see him but they say it was a massacre, they are talking murder Mickey-”
“Murder? Oh my God!”
If only you knew. But you never would.
He barely left your side. You kept asking him to stay, begging him to be close, you told him that he made you feel safe, made this easier to handle, you feared you’d fall apart without him and it made him feel so important. Your grief is intense but he loves how you are like this, how you rely on him even when things are difficult and hard to manage, he loves the desperation. He pokes, he has a small pattern, you are so raw that a small nudge makes your emotions go screwy and when you are in a deep spiral then he helps soothe you, pulls you out of it again and makes sure any positive emotion you feel during this time, no matter how small, is tied to him.
You are so needy, but he has never felt this needed and my God is it nice to feel needed.
No serious suspicion is thrown his way. He doesn’t kill anyone else, lets everything calm and die down and a funeral is planned and hosted for Randy over a month after he died. Everyone was just so scared that whoever it was might strike again beforehand. The fear it was Ghostface was present, kept Sidney and everyone else permanently on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop but it seemingly never does and they all have to start moving on sometime. Mickey had to fight hard to keep the act up, but inside there was such power and joy in doing the receiving line of Randy’s family, shaking hands and giving condolences, everyone unaware that he is the reason and cause of his death.
He made the right call, abandoning the other plan for this was amazing. He listens as you cry your way through your turn speaking, he knows he is going to be comforting you hard after this and true, right after you finished you come over and he held your hand, giving you the pack of tissues he had in his pocket.
The casket buried, the wake over, he is with you back at his place. You’d been wanting to spend more and more time here, you hadn’t cleared out all the little pieces of Randy from your space yet and you felt like you couldn’t face them today. Your eyes are red from the crying, your nose raw from the tissues used, sitting on his couch, heels kicked off and in your funeral dress still. You aren’t quite as sombre now, he had seen to that, he got your favourite take out just before the place closed, it was near midnight and you actually ate, half empty boxes on the coffee table along with a few empty drink cans.
You were cradling your current drink in your hand, looking across the couch to him, you were both sitting on the same ends of the couch as before, a mirror of that night months previous that started all this. He was in the middle of telling some story that was making you laugh, the smile on your face was small but steadily growing. “She ended up not even having her wallet after all that.”
“Holy shit, no way! So then what?”
“What do you mean what? I sure as shit didn’t pay for her.” He laughed and you said around an amused exhale of your own, “Alright fair, especially after how she treated the cashier yeah fuck her.”
He takes another pull from his can and you did the same before setting aside with a sigh. You rested your head on the back of the couch as you said, “Thanks for this Mick.”
A questioning hum left him paired with raised eyebrows and you elaborate, “For being here for me. I know I’ve been like a mess, understandably so but a mess all the same. I know dealing with me hasn’t been easy but just…Without your support I dunno how I would have gotten through this.”
“Oh hey, no need to thank me. That is what a good guy does.” He said easily and you nod, “You really are, you’re so great.”
You reach out, a grabby hand gesture and he fills your need, taking your hand and you sigh. “I feel bad.”
“For a different reason other than the funeral?” He asked and you laughed a little, “Yeah. I just…I’ve been having these thoughts that make ME feel like I’m a horrible person.”
“What thoughts could you possibly be having to make you feel like that?”
“I dunno if I should say.” You grumbled and he said, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to but you know you can trust me. I won’t judge you and I sure as shit won’t tell anyone else.”
You are quiet for a moment before deciding that yes, he is right, you can trust him. You might even feel better getting it out, “I loved Randy. I mean I still love Randy but…All this time I have been spending with you and everything from before, how great you are I’ve been thinking about you more than I should. In ways I probably shouldn’t.”
He ignores the first half of your sentence, he is sure that would fade in time, he focuses on the second half, “Like how?”
You give a half shrug and look away, gaze averted and he says your name, stretching it out, he is leaning closer and you steal a glance back at him and say, “Like…”
The tension is thick, you’ve moved closer throughout the conversation yourself, not so much on the opposite ends of the couch now, almost on the same cushion in the middle of the couch you take a deep breath to steady yourself and you open up. You are already raw and vulnerable, why not go all in?
“I’ll be in a class I don’t have with you and I feel this huge hole where you should be. I don’t feel like I can do anything properly while away from you, I can’t eat or focus, the weight of everything else crushes me but when you are around I have, fuck, I have hope. I think I can do this, I feel stronger and better, you do that for me!”
He keeps doing what he has for more than a month, he listens, he squeezes your hand harder and he listens to you.
“I’ll be in bed alone and wish you were with me. My sleep schedule is wrecked but I think I could finally get some good rest with you because I swear to God, if there is one, I only feel safe around you lately.”
You are speaking so fast now, as if you can’t communicate your intense emotion fast enough until the words stop because your other hand that isn’t in his is on his face, tugging him close to you and kissing him. It starts off hot, deep, needy and he is stunned, it takes a moment to match the energy but he lets you lead it. Fuck he has missed this, missed feeling you against him, you start to slow, he keeps pace, from all consuming open mouthed to soft brushes with laboured breathing and you pull back, “That. I have been thinking the most about doing that.”
“And that…Makes you feel bad? Cuz it felt pretty good to me.” You laugh from the tone and his expression, the big smile that is so him, you admit, “No that did feel good but I feel bad because my boyfriend has been in the ground for less than twelve hours and I’m on your couch, kissing you and I’ve been thinking about doing it for weeks.”
You inhale in a way he has come to know far too intimately, that hitch that tattles on you that you are going to cry, you choke out, “How shitty of a person does that make me?”
He lets go of your hand, his hands are on your cheeks and then tracing down to your neck, thumbs stroke over the line of your jaw and he says, “It doesn’t, hey, you aren’t a shitty person. You’re my favourite person.”
Your hands are on his wrists and you shake your head, “I’m pretty sure I am, I-I don’t deserve you, I didn’t deserve Randy either-”
A sniff and he assures further, “No, stop that, you deserve so much. I wouldn’t be here, I wouldn’t be doing this if you didn’t.”
It is quiet for a moment, you are trying to breathe through it and stop yourself from seriously crying, he knows just the right thing to say, “I know I’m really stupid but I have good taste.”
You laugh. A nod as you admit, “Okay, you’re right, you do have good taste.”
“We’re gonna ignore you not disagreeing with me calling myself stupid-” You laugh again harder, “But see! So if I have good taste that means that everything I do for you isn't a mistake, it’s not wasted, you deserve this.”
You look into his eyes and ask a bit more seriously, one of the main worries weighing on you, “Isn’t it too soon?”
It’s his turn to laugh, “What? Do you seriously think Meeks would want you to recognize Victorian mourning customs and mope around in all black for a year?” Another laugh spills out of you at the image, “Why does the timing matter on this? If you want it now, then why not now? What is waiting a few more weeks or months going to do?”
He is right. Why does it matter?
The next thing you ask is, “Am I really your favourite person?”
“Easily. No contest.” You are still so close to each other, and you decided fuck it, why does it matter? You’ve been through so much, you are desperate and you deserve to feel good and so you give into what you have been craving.
You kiss him again on the couch.
Neither of you stay on the couch for very long.
It comes out while you are in his bed, your dress on the floor and you are under him, arms wrapped around his neck, you feel like you could cry but not for any of the feelings or reasons that you had previously over this past month. You don’t want to sob because you are sad or missing Randy or anything else, you cry because fucking hell you missed this, you needed this, it feels incredible but it’s more than that. You finally realised it a while ago, but now? You are unable to ignore it, can’t hold it inside, the admission is on your tongue and has been threatening to come out between moans for minutes. Rocking with him, feverish kisses placed over the side of his face as you gasp, Mickey’s hands are all over, like he cannot get enough of you, he is buried deep and he hits that spot that makes your whole body want to shudder and at long last it comes out in a rush, overwhelmed and feeling overflows you tell him-
“I love you.”
That makes him slow, not stop, but slow, rolls of his hips are purposeful, the change in angle is fantastic, the pressure and grinding on your clit makes you want to cry all over again. He has one arm under your neck, the other one runs up your side, there is this expression on his face that can only be described as a cross between joyful disbelief and pure affection, brown eyes are warm as he asks, “What did you just say?”
You repeat it, louder, voice more sure, “I said I love you.” A harder thrust, a shared and hushed moan, your nails biting into the skin on the back of his neck, you make yourself maintain eye contact, it’s difficult but it’s important so you manage, “I am tired of-of feeling it, fuck, and not saying it, I fucking love you.”
He couldn’t be happier, this was better than he ever could have planned or hoped, better than any dream possible, he leans down, kisses you deeply and you return it. Eyes closed you are close in sensation and the moment, in him. He pulls back, close enough his forehead is touching yours as he breathes back the same sentiment, “I love you too, so fucking much.”
A broken moan that could be read as the word “really” but he is picking up the pace, quicker, rougher and your hand falls back, a desperate plea of, “Mickey, fuck, don’t stop-”
As if he would ever.
He did manage to get away with it.
It’s been over a year since Randy’s murder, you are none the wiser and you barely mention Randy anymore. Sure his birthday, his death day and your old anniversary with Meeks was hard but that was understandable and tolerable.
The main and most important thing is that he had you, after the funeral you and he became official, you kept it on the down low, he insisted he wanted you to be spared the judgement, you were already going through so much and any added stress needed to be stomped out. You and he talked regularly about living together and man was he ever excited for when that could happen. Sure it would make his “hobby”, whenever he picked it back up again, more difficult but fuck it, he loved a good challenge. The itch for murder hasn’t been on his mind in so long, much too happy and concerned with you, wrapped up in your relationship but he was feeling that need wriggling in the back of his brain, he can ignore it for the time being. He got away with it and he has you, life is good.
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8X11 DID NOT DISAPPOINT!!
First of all, major kudos to Tracy Spiridakos, the queen herself, for pulling this off and portraying Hailey the way she did. Her acting was beautiful and it really did the story so much justice!!
THAT OPENING SCENE THO!! I truly did not expect that! It was soooooo freaking cute and their interactions were so gentle and genuine! The "day off" reference made me die a little inside and all of this came from literally the first few moments of the show.
The way Jay was constantly there for Hailey showed the dynamic between them two. He obviously knew she felt overwhelmed at his 'I love you' earlier and knew how to support her, even while giving her space. He reigned her in when she was about to go off the rails and that's what I love.
We finally got a Upgess moment!! I always thought that Kim nd Hailey would have a string friendship because they were the only 2 women on a team full of men (or grown children excluding Voight). To see Kim be there for Hailey in her own way is amazing in its own right! That gentle touch showed so much care that Kim had for the other woman. Maybe their friendship just isn't so pronounced on the show, which is why this scene made my heart melt! I hope that shows Hailey that she is supported but her team too!
The scene with Voight and Hailey..... I think Voight knows that there's something going on between his two detectives and are just waiting for them to come clean. The was Voight was talking to Hailey tho.... He was being firm, yet trying to be understanding of how this case pulled at her heartstrings. "All the things that make you bad at the job are the same as what makes you good at it." - this line was so powerful to me.... And I think that this talk with her boss will help Hailey become more determine to be better at her job, knowing she has people like Jay and Hank to turn to. Also, Hank really treats his team like family and I felt like this scene shows how fatherly Voight is towards his team.
Of course, I'm on to the scene at Hailey's apartment. The was he was so soft with her when he replied her question of "you came?".... It already shows that he really loves her and isn't fazed. When she started opening up to him, his face was laced with so much emotion and Jesse Lee Soffer portrayed it beautifully. Hailey, pouring out her thoughts and explaining herself shows how much growth she's been through. It shows how much she trusts Jay and in a way she's showing her love for him too. She wants to be with him and have this relationship with him because (I'd like to think) it's the best thing that happened to her in a very long time. Yet, she doesn't know how to overcome that barrier that stems from her childhood experiences with intimacy and love.
Jay did not waiver one bit. He really accepted Hailey for herself, even parts of her that are broken and slightly more closed off. She was always there for him, grounding him and now he wants to do the same for her. It's really amazing to watch!! When Jay said that he wasn't going anywhere, a look of relief flashed across Hailey's face and it makes me think that a lot of people would have left her after she opened up, making her guard herself even more. Jay isn't going anywhere despite everything that happened and I think in her mind she knows she's found her soulmate. Yes, I'm bringing out that word cuz they are soulmates!
Hailey said "I love you so much" to Jay and my heart was breaking and recovering so fast I really had no idea what emotions I were feeling. Seeing her take that step is so beautiful!! Also, that HUG!! It was full of emotion. His large frame wrapped around her small one ahhhhhh... They really do love each other and trust each other. The way they both melted in each other's arms is so sweet I can't stop replaying it goshhhh!
The whole episode and storyline was written so we'll! I loved all the emotions and dynamics laced throughout and it's so beautiful to see the layers unfold as I watched the episode.
This episode is one of my favourites and I'm sure I'll be rewatching it over and over! I can't believe all the manifesting and hoping for our shop to sail worked! The writers have graced us with the beautiful gift of Upstead and I'm so grateful! Can’t wait to see where Upstead’s gonna go.... (pls get married and have kids) <3
I’m also very grateful for all my friends here on Tumblr, especially @mashleighh!!! Freaking out wth everyone really makes this so much cooler hahahaha love y’alls <3
❤️🥰💕🙏🥺💙😭🤯💜🥳
#chicago pd#upstead#hailey upton#tracy spiridakos#jay halstead#jesse lee soffer#chicago pd upstead#hailey x jay#cpd 8x11#our ship has sailed#upstead endgame#kudos to the amazing Tracy Spiridakos#Favourite ep#my heart can’t handle the emotional roller coaster but I’m here for all of it
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Maraschino pt.2, O. Diaz
Summary: After the rejection from Oscar, things seems to take you on a roller coaster ride.
warnings: angst, f e e l s, theTEAbeenSPILLED ☕️ daddy issues
word count: 3.5K
a/n: Here is the highly requested part 2 of Maraschino! I had fun writing this though if it is trash it’s because I wanted to hurry and get it out for y’all since I been getting msgs. heh. But Ray? Whew chile, the ghetto! Part 3? Please enjoy and don’t forget: follow the blog, heart/comment/reblog the content as well as turn on the notifs! (Y/S/N: your sister’s name)
(gif belongs to @thesewickedhands ✨)
“Have a wonderful day!”
God, why is the person yelling? You smile weakly and squeeze your eyes nearly shut as the sun is blazing down on you while you say your thanks and exit the uber. The throbbing of your head and the loud lawnmower from one of your neighbors has you internally cursing.
How did you end up like this? Granted this was the plan last night to go out and have a good time, you certainly did not expect to be doing such a thing. You never let yourself get to this point before. But you also never got denied like you did with Spooky last night. A shiver goes through your body as you think of him. You won’t let him infiltrate your mind no more.
“Y/N!” Your sister’s voice sounds frantically as you round the corner of the house.
Well there goes your plan to sneak in through your window to pretend you were in your room all along. She wraps your arms around you, gluing herself to your body causing you to stumble back a bit. “You are a dead woman walking!” She whispers to you as you arch an eyebrow at her.
As confused as you were, José appears from around the corner taking long strides towards you. His face sports no emotion of missing you but a lot of anger. It causes you to automatically back up the closer his approaches you. Your sister has since removed herself from you as your brother is now in your face.
You blink as you peer up at him, “Where the fuck have you been, hermana? You know how much shit you are in, hm? I get a call from Y/S/N saying you aren’t home. I assure her you would be and when she calls me at 6 in the morning telling me that you still aren’t in? You left a note?”
“José! Calmate, I went out with a friend. And I spent the night. What’s the big deal about that?” You briefly explain yourself. He laughs for a moment before grabbing you by your upper arm and pulling you towards your sister. Now it’s her turn to start backing up, “Ven aqui, her! That’s the big deal. When I ask you to be the sister you need to be, I don’t mean when you feel like it. You know the Santos have been getting into heavy shit lately. I need you here when I’m not!”
The tension is thick as you pull your arm from his hold and push him, “But when you wanna go and do whatever it’s okay? When you wanna hitch a ride with Spooky to Sin City with dirty ass hynas last week, it’s all good. Business trip, huh? Don’t come for me when you are far from perfect!”
The two of you are both very stubborn with your brother usually being calm and collected while you’re more expressive with your feelings. Family is important to him especially considering it’s just the three of you. Jose scoffs as you stomp away from him and your now crying sister.
Oscar suddenly appears in front of you as round the corner and collides with his body. He reaches out to grasp you before you can stumble back, the feelings hitting you all at once, “What are you doing here?” You swallow thickly.
He licks his bottom lip as his eyes rake over your body. Still in your dress from last night, hair unruly and make-up smudged. Anyone can spot a ‘walk of shame’ when they see one. He laughs internally thinking of how you wasted no time after last night’s rejection.
“I offered to drive him when little hermanita called up again worried you weren’t home yet. Seems we know why now.” A small grin painted across his lips, you squint your eyebrows at his words as you hear your brother approaching the two of you. You step back before Spooky migrates his eyes to behind you, “We got business, everything good here?”
José nods and steps beside you, “Don’t be leaving.”
The two guys leave as you stand there a bit dumbfounded. Y/S/N appears next to you and grabs your hand. She apologizes for you getting into trouble with José. You want to yell at her for starting unnecessary drama. But she explains she didn’t want your brother to potentially find out about your little sneaky link with Spooky.
“Well, he and I ended that shit so nothing to worry about. I went out and got wasted. I am done with these guys. No más!” Though even sounding like fake news to yourself, you go and wash off last night’s memories.
As the day had gone by, you skimmed through your daily journal of all the entries you wrote about Oscar ‘Spooky’ Diaz, ripping them out. All 6 pages. You roll your eyes at your thoughts about him, some sappy and some nasty. How did you believe a man who runs a street gang, that is as mean mugging as Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street, would be into you the way you are him?
It didn’t matter the answer now. Good riddance of him! That’s when the sound of your window opening pulls you from the wandering thoughts. You stand up quickly, reaching for a bat that’s besides your bed. “Get the fuck out!”
“Calmate! It’s me, Oscar.”
You clutch your chest, doubling over to catch your breath. “What is wrong with you? Ever think of flying a pebble at the window or calling first?” You say as he climbs in, adjusting his flannel before closing the window then your room door. You watch him as he starts to look around your room. Though there’s a part of you that wants him out, you haven’t made any advances to get him out.
He sits on your bed and finally looks at you, “Abajo.”
Uncompliant, you cross your arms and shift your weight to make it known you are fine standing there. He smirks and looks away before locking eyes with you. “You don’t think I like you too? You think I fucked with you for this long cause it was just convenient? Girls everywhere around my place but I was only fucking you. Why do you think that?”
“Is this supposed to be your sweet confession that makes me go all heart eyes? You're gonna apologize and I’m supposed to forgive you and then we give us a try and realize all our worries were nothing but fear that our anxiety instilled in our heads? Because that’s not how it’s gonna go.” You say as he gives you a semi-disgusted look.
You chuckle softly and watch him intently.
Oscar analyzes you closely. It’s a front, no doubt he thinks. He doesn’t deny the thought that you are a thick-skinned woman. He knows you have a superior mind and a mouth to go with it but he knows there is no way that you could’ve gotten over him that quick. Though judging by your appearance earlier in the day, you definitely tried.
You laugh a little more as you step in front of him and lean over to get your vision in line with his. “You made it clear to me and now I’m making it clear. Nothing you say will convince me that you give a rat’s ass about me. If you really did? There would be no sneaky link shit. You wouldn’t have a problem with people knowing about me, or my brother knowing but it is a problem so get out.”
This ticks Ocscar off a bit. He stands which makes you straighten up as he gets in your face, stepping towards you. You are stepping back slowly as he creeps more, “You think you can handle this lifestyle? The constant threats, the territories? You can’t. When it comes to this kind of life, something like love can be the bane of your existence. So we don’t get into it. We don’t get involved because the people we fall for end up dead.”
You’re pressed with your back against the wall and your chests against each other. Oscar’s eyebrows are connected and he’s staring at your agape mouth. His breath is fanning against your lips, emotions hitting you all at once. “I-I slept with someone last night. Got it good too.”
The jealous tactic seems to fail immediately as Oscar laughs. And for some reason the look of amusement on his face seems to be familiar for a reason you can’t seem to figure out.
“Sleeping around is simple, falling for someone is something else entirely. I’m not saying that we jump into something. But at least you know now it’s not just one-sided.” He steps out of your room. You follow and watch him walk down the hall as Y/S/N stands there. She is stunned seeing Oscar nonchalantly trek through the house.
You don’t know what to say. As you look at your little sister, you sigh in defeat trying to explain this one. Instead you go back into your room and shut your door. You got what you wanted, right? But you still feel like something is missing.
The week had slowly crept on.
A few shifts at the bodega, classes at the community college and life at home. Jose had basically converted you back to your teenage ways. Making sure you were doing your part in parenting your little sister. Friday night Y/S/N wanted to have Dwayne’s BBQ for dinner and since your social life is drier than your skin, you agree.
The thought of a BBQ bacon cheeseburger lifts your mood which has been dragging throughout the week. Your sister happily skips into the restaurant as you trail behind slowly, when you enter you look for her and see she chatting up with Dwayne.
“Y/N!” José calls out and your vision unfocuses from them onto your brother and pile of Santos in a booth. They all look your way including Oscar. You exhale a deep breath through your nose as you put on a fake smile and wave before stepping up to place an order.
Your brother approaches you as you look past him to the booth of Santos, “Didn’t know you guys would be here.” He sets down a $20 bill on the counter when the cashier tells you the total. “Foos gotta eat too.” José starts talking to you about something but your focus falls back on Spooky again. You watch as he stands and makes his way towards you. A small panic sets in your chest but fades away as he ends up exiting the BBQ joint.
Unknowingly to yourself, your watch as he walks to his car. He leans against it and pulls out a cigarette, no matter how hard you try to avert your eyes from him, you can’t. All week you had been doing fine. Even with the little things reminding you of him, even with the memories that have been seeped into your bed. You didn’t dwell too much on thinking of him until you see him now.
“Talk to him.”
It’s just like the movies where the car tires come to a screeching halt and there’s the obnoxious crashing sound. You move your eyes to your brother’s. Did he just say what you think he said? “Talk to him? Spooky, what for? Why would I need to talk to him?”
Jose chuckles, “Hermana, I had my suspicions about you two. Then he told me bout it, he acts like it doesn’t bother him much but it does so go talk to him. Yeah, I’m not so thrilled that he’s messing around with my baby sister. I know how he is but I know he wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt you so I’m cool with it. So go talk to him, figure that shit out because I’m getting over you moping around the house.”
You push him away as you look back to the red impala. After a moment of contemplating it, you decide to head out and approach Oscar, he had his eyes on you since he settled by his car. You lean on it besides him and cross your arms, “You told my brother?”
He smirks and shrugs his shoulders. You try your best to keep the smug look off your face. He holds out the cigarette, you take it and inhale. Coughing a bit as the smoke burns your throat a little. You hand it back and sigh, turning to look at him.
“I like you, you like me. I’m not saying we jump into something… but why not?” You question as he exhales some smoke, you lock your eyes into his, “You ain’t cut for this lifestyle, you would be a liability. Plus your brother in my line of work? That makes him vulnerable as well. It woul--”
You groan loudly which quiets him mid-rant, “Drugs, alcohol and money do all the same things to him too. You see how he is when he gets wasted. There are so many things that make you all vulnerable. If he can make it work with the hyna he’s with, then you can make it work with me. Plus I know this lifestyle more than you think. I know when and where to be and not to be. I know who to know and who not to know. I know things! So don’t act all big bad Spooky to me.”
Now standing directly in front of him and he’s peering down at you. He dips his face lowers and looks at your lips as you look at his. In no time your lips are connected. Oscar slides his hands over your waist, gripping it and pushing you flush against him. You bring your hands to cup his face, letting your tongue slip into his mouth. A full on make-out session breaks out.
As if you didn’t dream of something like this happening you smile into the kiss, pulling away, “You get into this with me, it’s not gonna be glitter and gold. This shit is tough, I can’t be worrying about the things I already do plus you.” You nod and kiss him again, wringing your arms around his neck, he hugs you and feels calm for the first time in a while.
So you enjoy the night more than you thought you would be. With your siblings and the Santos at Dwayne’s. After a night of chatting, Oscar asks you to come back to his place. And well since it isn’t your first rodeo, you agree and send Y/S/N home with José.
You don’t keep your hands off him while heading back to his place, you are pressed against him and kissing his neck, he is loving every moment of it. The both of you get out to head into the house but the mood is killed when you walk in to find Cesar and his friends on the couch who get frightened due to the scary movie playing on the TV.
Oscar cursing under his breath, “Can’t you watch movies at some else’s house?” You elbow him as he rolls his eyes. But Cesar didn’t want to start anything with his older brother so he asks Jamal if they can continue watching at his house. Soon after the house is empty and quiet again. The two of you settle on the couch, you straddling him and pulling your top off.
“Yo! There’s someone posted up outside!” Cesar suddenly bursts through the door which causes Oscar to push you off him and reach for his gun. He tells the younger Diaz, his friends and you to stay put as he checks out the fool that runs up on the Santo trap house. You scramble to put your shirt back on and curse when Cesar trails after his brother. You follow in pursuit, trying to tell Cesar that Oscar said to stay inside. “Who is that?”
“Ray?” You say out loud though you thought you were just thinking it.
Oscar turns to you when you say the name of none other than his estranged father. You look to both Ray and Oscar, looking at the two men and making the connection. You feel the color get sucked out of your face, oh fuck.
“You know him, who is he?” Cesar asks you and he looks at Oscar. The Santo leader has his eyes on you and is still confused as to how the hell you know his father. “He’s our father.” Oscar says, still looking at you.
The confirmation makes you want to be obliterated right in your very spot. This can’t be happening! Is it? You try to speak but nothing comes out of your mouth. You finally look to Ray who has a small smirk on his face and that’s why that look Oscar had on his face that day seemed so familiar. You saw it that night you went out of town to have a good time.
“Hola de nuevo, pequeña coyote.” Ray says looking at you.
You grimace as Oscar connects the dots himself. The amount of heat that settles into your face along with the gasps from Cesar’s friends don’t make it any easier to bear.
“Wait Oscar, wait!” He is stepping towards his father, ready to charge. “I didn’t know he was your dad! Listen to me, please!” You step forward quickly and pull his arm back, he yanks it out of your grasp quickly as you plead for him to listen to you.
Oscar begins to snap at you, “Him? This is who you slept with and you want me to listen to explain? Huh?!” The anger booms in his voice as he is mere inches from your face. Cesar appears next to you trying to get between the two of you. You didn’t think Oscar could ever get so mad. And you have seen the Santo leader in moments of rage before.
“Mijo, listen..”
Ray’s voice sounds from behind Oscar now. He turns and wastes no time in welcoming him with a right hook. His father stumbles back as you gasp along with the sounds from the teens. “Oscar!”
You take the initiative to stand between the two of them, holding out a hand against Oscar’s chest as he is heaving and exuding anger. Ray is mending to his jaw as he stands up. You notice the lights of the neighbor had turned on and people were beginning to pile outside of their homes to see all the commotion.
“Oscar just stop and listen to me for one fucking second! No, I did not sleep with Ray. We did get together that night, yes but we didn’t do anything that involves other body parts. I started going off about you with him, I vented and we spent the night drinking. I got too wasted and he offered to let me spend the night in his motel room. Nothing happened!” You release in one breath.
Everyone looks at you, unable to make sense of the situation.
“That’s why I came, when she mentioned things about you, I had to come see for myself if what niña said is true. That you’re running the Santos.” The two men stare at each other as you stand in the middle. Your heart is racing.
Oscar doesn’t say anything as he looks back and forth between his father and you. When you step towards him and reach out to grab his hand, he raises his hand up in defense and steps back. You can see the glint of hurt in his eyes as he backs away from you. Your eyes pleading for him to try to understand everything.
You trail behind a fuming Oscar into his house, you are nearly jogging when you catch up with him. But he steps into his room and slams the door in your face. You step back and sigh. “Please talk to me…Oscar. Nothing happened, you have to believe me.”
He doesn’t respond as you rest your head on his door. You hold your hands on the door silently cursing yourself. What could you say that made the situation sound better? How could you make it look like it really was nothing even with Ray right there?
A few moments have passed by when the door opens, a still very upset Oscar stands there as he flies forwards a bunch of crumbled paper at you. You watch as the papers fall to your feet and he slams the door in your face again. No context of nothing.
When you pick up the papers, it’s drawings of you. Portraits sketched out from a ballpoint pen. Some dated as far back as a month ago to as recent as a few days ago. Oscar drew you. He did so multiple times and in such craft it takes your breath away.
You feel the tears begin to well in your eyes. The pain that you have caused him. How do you fix this?
taglist: @clemmingstylins0n @fairygardenss@princesstiffxoxo@firebenderwolf @spookysnena @mbaku-babygirl @chellybear98@multiyfandomgirl40 @i-just-wanna-live-gc@roury66 @kkim120 @lillict @tinylumpiaa @prettymya3@starrynite7114 @onmyspookysblock @aneitii @b3mybunnybaby @angelxfics @spookysbabymama @ladylj @vayagrxce @irenne-stans @boujee-bitches (please let me know if you want to be added or removed!)
#oscar spooky diaz#spooky diaz#oscar diaz imagine#oscar diaz fic#oscar diaz x you#oscar diaz x y/n#oscar diaz x reader#spooky diaz imagine#spooky diaz fic#spooky diaz x you#spooky diaz x y/n#spooky diaz x reader#sad eyes guzman#omb#on my block#netflix on my block#omb imagine#on my block imagine#santos#LA#spookysmujer#maraschino#mine
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You Make Me Weak
Bakugou x Gen Neutral reader
Summary: Bakugou and y/n are constantly bickering and fighting. They both like eachother but are too in denial to admit it. Their friends pick up on this and plan a way for them to get along.
Wc: 2.300
!Language warning!
You banged on the door and relentlessly fought with the handle. “Get back over here and open this door!” you yelled to your friends on the other side of the door. You heard some laughing and finally got a response from someone.
“Sorry, but we’re not opening that door until you guys get along!” Ochako yelled back. You heard their footsteps fade signaling they were gone. You stopped fighting with the door handle and turned around to face the biggest thorn in your side since you started at UA, Katsuki Bakugou.
That morning
He couldn’t stand you. At all. Just seeing you in class made his blood boil and heart start racing. If he got too close to you his head would start spinning, or he would become overly conscious of his sweaty hands. He’d constantly catch himself thinking about you all the time and sneaking glances at you during school. You made him feel things he’s never felt before. He didn’t know what was going on or how to stop it. He hated it.
It was even more irritating because his friends would constantly tease him about it. Like right now. Bakugou was in the homeroom sitting near his “friends” and not really joining in their conversation much because he wasn’t in the mood to talk. Instead he kept staring at you from across the room while you were busy deep in conversation with Uraraka. Anytime you would look his way he would quickly avert his eyes and plaster on an angry expression.
His cheeks would turn a slight shade of pink as he tried to act like you were the bane of his existence. Denki picked up on this.
“Yo Kachan what’s got you all blushy,” he asked with a smirk.
“Shut up, I’m not blushing”
“Is he staring at y/n again?” Sero asked.
“Probably,” Mina answered.
“Shut up, I can barely hold in my puke just by looking at them,” Bakugou lied.
At the start of the school year the two of you tolerated each other. You didn’t speak and you didn’t interact most of the time. Even when you did it was pretty neutral. But somehow over the course of the last few weeks Bakugou found you more and more annoying.
It seemed like most of his hatred turned from Deku to you. He would throw insults at you and call you names and you got sick of it. At first you just tried to ignore him, but after it kept happening you snapped at him.
“Can you just shut up!” You practically screamed at him.
Bakugou froze in shock, he’d never heard you speak that loudly before, and with so much fury in your eyes.
“You are always shitting on me for no reason at all and you’re acting like a total jackass! Can you for once stop acting like you’re better than everyone here!” You continued.
“Tch, it’s cause I am better than you,” he smirked.
You balled your fists and your jaw clenched. “UGH I can’t stand you!” You retorted and stormed out of the common area. After that encounter a few weeks ago, he’s only been more intrigued in you. No one has snapped back at him like that. It seriously ticked him off.
All while Bakugou was going through his roller coaster of emotions about you, his friends were paying very close attention. How they always caught him staring at you or bringing you up and how “annoying” you are. How they saw he would fidget with whatever was in his hand or bounce his leg whenever you were talking or your name was brought up. How he would bring you up all the time despite his dislike for you. They all slowly figured out that he had the biggest crush on you and was in serious denial.
They tried to mention it to him once and he almost blew them up for even suggesting that, so they haven’t brought up the subject since. But they still do like to tease him from time to time.
-
You couldn’t stand him. Katsuki Bakugou was the most annoying person in your class. His ego was through the roof and constantly thought he was better than everyone else. Most of the time you kept a distance, not wanting to get yelled at by the explosive blond.
What bothered you even more was that after your little spat with him, he was always trying to talk to you or was always looking at you. You and Bakugou were almost as bad as him and Deku. You were constantly fighting and spitting insults at each other. You weren’t even paired together during heroics anymore after last time you two almost killed each other.
Thankfully you hadn’t had any spats with him today, only some staring and dirty looks during homeroom. School had ended and you were spending some alone time in your dorm finishing up your homework. You heard a knock on your door.
“It’s open,” you yelled from your desk.
The door was opened and revealed Uraraka and Mina.
“Hey y/n, what’s up?” Ochako asked.
“Nothing exciting, I’m like 2 minutes away from finishing my homework.”
She smiled, “oh cool, so you’re free after that?”
You scribbled down the answers as fast you could, “yup.”
“Awesome! so some of us are chilling in one of the vacant dorms on the third floor. You wanna join?” Mina cheered.
You furrowed your eyebrows and tapped your pencil against your notebook. “Why are you guys in a vacant dorm? Why not just hang out in someone's room?”
Uraraka played with the hem of her shirt. “I don’t know, it was Seros idea. But come on, it'll be fun.
You quickly finished up the last question of your homework and left with your friends to wherever your friends were. On the way downstairs you felt something was off. Uraraka and Mina weren’t acting strangely, but something was telling you that they knew something.
The three of you made it to the third floor and your friends guided you to one of the vacant dorm rooms. You stepped inside and there was no one there. “Umm where is . . “
Before you could finish your question you heard Kirishima and Kaminari voices making their way from the elevator to where you are now. Your stomach dropped once you realized that the last person you wanted to see walked in the room with your friends.
But that wasn’t even the worst part. Seconds after the boys walked inside Kirishima, Sero, Mina and Uraraka ran out of the room and slammed the door shut. You and Bakugou exchanged confused looks and ran to the door.
Bakugou fought with the handle and banged on the door. “What the hell? Open the damn door!” He screamed. You could practically see the smoke coming out of his ears.
“Sorry but this is for your own good,” Kaminari giggled.
“How the hell did you guys even lock the door? No one is living here, you don’t have a key!” You yelled through the door.
“I taped the door shut,” You heard from Sero.
“Anyway we’re gonna go and leave you to chat,” Kiri added.
You pushed Bakugou out of the way and banged on the door relentlessly fighting with the handle. “Guys this isn’t funny! Get back over here and open this door!” you yelled to your friends on the other side of the door. You heard some laughing and finally got a response from someone.
“Sorry, but we’re not opening that door until you guys get along!” Ochako yelled back. You heard their footsteps fade signaling they were gone. You stopped fighting with the door handle and turned around to face the biggest thorn in your side since you started at UA.
You sat down on the bed and let out a loud sigh, this can not be happening. You glanced at Katsuki, his arms were crossed and his eyes were on the floor. You noticed he had calmed down since your friends left, but he had left his guard up and set up some imaginary barrier.
It was almost annoying how easy he was to read, maybe that was another reason why you disliked him.. Most of your friends couldn't comprehend how you could read him like a book, but at the same time you stand within a 5 foot radius of him.
Nothing but silence filled the room for the next few minutes. You glanced back at him, now he was situated at the desk chair with his feet propped up on the desk. Some of his hair fell onto his forehead and his bright red eyes stayed fixated on the floor. His arms were still crossed like before but because of the way he was sitting his biceps were . . . wait WHAT . . stop thinking about his hair or eyes or muscles.
Your thoughts started to wander and you thought back at your encounters with the blond at the beginning of the school year. The two of you barely spoke and when you did there were no insults or name calling. Just classmates like everyone else. It wasn't until about a little over a month ago that you noticed Bakugou's attitude towards you change.
Although you didn't want to disturb the somewhat peaceful setting that was the predicament you were in, you had to know why he hated you all of a sudden. You had to know what switch was set off for him to go from tolerating you, to despising you.
“Why do you hate me so much?” you broke the silence.
His head snapped to you with a look of confusion. “Tch cause you’re annoying.”
Ok this boy was on thin ice with you right now. “That’s not an answer.”
He rolled his eyes, “Well it’s the answer I fucking gave you.”
“Can you not, for like two seconds?” you spat, patience growing thin.
“I don’t know, can you shut up?” He placed his feet off the desk.
You clenched your fists in frustration. It was nearly impossible to have a normal conversation with him. “You know what! I can't with you! Why are you like this?” You stood up and raised your voice unknowingly.
“Like what?” He stood up mirroring you.
“The insults and dirty looks. You staring at me all the time with that dumb look on your face!” You explained as your voice gained volume. You stepped towards him and stared him down. You both stood in silence. The tension in the room rose by the second.
“What the hell did I do to you to make you hate me so much!”
He stepped closer to you, your faces inches apart. His breath was ragged and uneven, his eyes were narrowed on you. Your heart beat was quickly rising as the seconds passed.
“You wanna know why I hate you?”
“Yes”
Within an instant his lips were on yours. At first you were startled and unable to move, but soon you fell into the rhythm of the kiss. It wasn’t until right now that you realized just how badly you wanted this. How badly you wanted to capture his lips into your own and . You wrapped your hands around his neck deepening the kiss. He placed his one hand on the back of your head, and the other lightly trailed down the back of your spine leaving goosebumps. You slowly parted, breaking the kiss and gasped for air.
“You make me feel weak,” he admitted.
Your eyes went wide and met with his red ones. Your heart was doing a number on you and your cheeks were heating up. You rested your head against his chest to hide your blush and let out a long sigh. “Of all the things for you to say, I did not think that was going to be one of them. Who knew Katsuki Bakugou was a huge softie,” you giggled.
He removed you from his hold and placed his hands in his pockets. “Shut up dumbass,” he scoffed
Both of you stood there in silence, not knowing what to do next. But this time there was no awkward tension in the air. After a few seconds you cleared your throat and spoke up, “So . . . what do we do now?”
“We get the fuck out of here that’s what,” he replied.
He walked towards the door and glanced back at you silently asking to join him. You walked over and he started to yell and bang on the door, you followed suit.
Shortly after the yelling and banging began, your friends ran upstairs to prevent the possibility of you two killing each other, or worse, Aizawa finding you guys locked in a room.
“Yo, what's going on?” you heard from Kaminari.
“Let us out, we made up!” you answered.
There was quiet from behind the door for a few seconds followed by some whispering.
“How do we know you're telling the truth?” you heard from Mina.
You looked at Katsuki and he smirked. You could read him like a book, you knew exactly what he was planning.
“Open the door and we’ll prove it,” he added.
There was more quiet behind the door and soon your heard tape being peeled off. Not long after, the door was opened and behind it a group of friends with questioning expressions.
“Ok, it's open, what's your proof?” Kiri asked.
You and Katsuki exchanged looks and he planted his hand on your waist and pulled you into another kiss. This one is much quicker then the first one, but just as passionate.
You pulled away from the kiss and looked back at your friends. All with wide eyes and jaws hangin on the floor.
“Holy shit I knew it!” Kami and Mina screamed with excitement. A few seconds later Sero handed an unknown amount of money to Uraraka.
“How’s that for proof?” you smiled.
#katsuki bakugou#mha headcanons#mha x reader#mha fluff#mha#bnha katsuki x reader#mha oneshot#enemies to lovers
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A/N:
(Y/N) - Your Name
(L/N) - Last Name
(N/N) - Nickname
(H/C) - Hair Color
(D/N) - DEEZ NUTS!! /j Deadname
(E/C) - Eye Color
(H/L) - Hair Length
(Y/A) - Your Age
Ships Included:
- Jack x Davey
- Spot x Race
- Finch x Smalls (Platonic)
- Albert x Elmer
-Katherine x Sarah
- Spot x Reader (Brotherly Platonic)
- Race x Reader (Brotherly Platonic)
Summary:
You have always dreamed of living in the world of your favorite characters, to escape from whatever rotten life you have and make friends with the people you love. One day, fate decides to give you a chance. But when you're not prepared to be rushed into that universe, it becomes a roller coaster of balancing good and bad emotions and events.
Good luck, Reader!
!!TW!!
~ SELF HARM
~ TRANSPHOBIA
~ MAJOR INJURY
~ ABUSE
~ ARGUING
(Y/N) POV:
I'm (Y/N) (L/N). I'm (Y/A) with (E/C) eyes and (H/L) (H/C) hair. At least it used to be (H/L). I cut it all off today. I can tell my mom just found out because of the loud cursing and stomping. "GODDAMMIT, (D/N)!!" she yells. What scares me the most about this situation is the fact that I'm kinda used to this. I hear her coming up the stairs to my room and rush to the door and lock it. As expected, the door handle starts rattling violently, "(D/N) YOU LET ME IN RIGHT NOW, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE SH!T!" She starts banging on the door, stressing the lock.
I sigh. Today was one of the worse days. I slip on my noise-canceling headphones and press play on my musicals playlist, consisting of:
- Waving Through A Window
- On My Own
- A Little Fall Of Rain
- Angel of Music
and of course...
The entire Newsies soundtrack.
By the time I get to 'Seize the Day', it's twilight outside. I lift one of my headphones to check if my mom is gone. I hear nothing. I look out the window and don't see her car. Perfect.
Unplugging my headphones and letting the music play, I walk over to my dresser, open it up, and reach deep in the back. Aha!
I pull out some bandages (A/N: DO NOT ACTUALLY BIND LIKE THIS OK BYE). I take off my shirt and try not to look in my mirror, fearing what sort of feminine body I may see. I start wrapping my chest to the point that it gets a little hard to breathe. This kinda hurts, but my dysphoria is stronger than my need for comfort and, let's be honest, safety.
Slipping my shirt back on, I look into the mirror and smile, satisfied with my flat chest and somewhat choppy short, (H/C) hair. I jump onto my bed and plug my headphones back into my phone which is now playing Santa Fe. Santa Fe honestly makes me think. I'm only, what, (Y/A)? And I still go through all this BS. I need out. Somewhere my mom can't tell me I'm female. Somewhere like...Newsies. I mean, Race is canonically trans, right? Not to mention all of them are definitely fruity. They'd accept me. The fresh, bandaged cuts on my arms are the only things keeping me in reality right now
As the song ends, I realize that I've been crying. God, why am I stuck in this wretched place? The question as well as thoughts of Newsies reverberates in my skull, a sort of white noise until I fall into a much-needed sleep.
"Aye, kid! Watcha doin sleepin on the street?"
"Especially in a place this..."
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Jack POV:
I yawn, rubbing sleep from my eyes as the circulation bell drones on an' on. I let my eyes adjust to the view of the sunrise from my penthouse in the sky.
As I try to get up to get ready, a pair of arms drag me back down. "Jackieeee" a half-awake Davey groans, "come back down, it's freezing up here." "Dave, we gotta get to work. The boys can always count on me being at the gates early, so if you don't get up, I'm leaving you behind." This seems to wake him up a little more, "Alright, alright fine." he shivers as he gets up. I throw him his top shirt and vest and he desperately claws them on to gain warmth. Carefully, we climb down the ladder.
"What'd I tell ya, Dave? Even in the middle of summer, the night's always freezing." Davey rolls his eyes and does a little shiver "I know, Jackie, now c'mere and warm me up" I grin and move in closer, holding his hand, as we start walking to the gates. "Still not warm enough!" Davey said in a singsong-ish voice. I sigh and feign annoyance, leaning in to give a short but sweet peck on the lips. I think he's satisfied now. We're not usually this lovey-dovey, but I think we're both touch starved and subtly begging for a hug.
Davey, being the amazing boyfriend he is, stops by Jacobis to get us some breakfast. "Dave, you really don't hafta-" "I insist, Jack. After all, breakfast is the most important meal of the day," he says in an almost snobbish voice. I give him a small smile. That's my smartass Dave.
As we get to the gates, I notice a small figure leaned up against it. By now, the sun has come up some more over Manhattan 'n Dave 'n I don't have to walk as close to warm ourselves up. The figure seems to be sleeping, a newsies cap over their eyes. I think it's a kid. Maybe a new newsie looking for work?
I crouch down in front of him lift his hat, and start tapping his shoulder, "Aye, kid! Watcha doin sleepin on the street?" "Especially in a place this..." Davey notes. The kid seems to wake with a start. He rubs his eyes, and I chuckle a little "Whatsa matter? Ya look like youse seen a ghost." He doesn't seem to find this funny and repeatedly switches from looking at me then Davey with some confusion and shock in his eyes.
"I um-" he stutters over his words, "Aye, aye, kid, calm down, you ain't in trouble or nuttin." He takes a few deep breaths. "Okay... I'm (Y/N). I'm just freaking out because This isn't where I fell asleep, and- and I just- feel like I know you..." "Well, (Y/N) it sounds like you're one of da Newsies now," I say with a grin, "Now, we gots ta give you a nickname, we rarely eva call someone by their real name, 'cept Dave 'n Albert of course," The kid stays silent, clearly still shocked from waking up in a foreign place. "I feel like I know you.." he says, barely discernible. "Maybe ya do, maybe ya don't, Dave here's the only one good with faces." The kid looks up at Davey, who seems deep in thought, "(N/N)" he exclaims, "Ah, sorry, what I meant was your nickname should be (N/N)!" "I like it! But why (N/N) exactly?" I question, "Well, *insert reason why here*" "Well ain't you a clever boy, Dave!" I say, ruffling his hair. Davey shies away, "Jack! Now I have to fix my hair!" he complains, "Sorry, sorry." Davey then leaves to fix his hair in front of a shop window nearby, leaving me and (N/N) alone.
(N/N) seems to want to say something, but as soon as he opens his mouth, he shuts it just as quickly. I try to fill the awkward silence, "So, what's wit' da bandages, kiddo?" He freezes, "Nothing, just a ploy to get people to buy more papes..." he trails off. I have a feelin' he's not tellin' the truth, but I go along with it anyway, "Ha! What an idea, I wonder how I neva thought a' that before." he smiles, seeming satisfied with the praise. Davey returns from the shop window, "Alright! Ready to start the day?" (N/N) nods, and so do I.
Newsies start gathering, some glancing at (N/N) and some anxiously peering through the gates. I look at the headline for today: New Newsie Price! "Aye, Dave, you seein' this shit?" "Language- and yeah... what in the world was runnin' through Pulitzer's head when he thought of this??" I look at (N/N), whose mouth is a thin, pale line but whose (E/C) eyes are glinting with determination. "Heh, kid, what's that look for?" He looks at me, a little startled, but quickly regains that same tough expression, "I have a feeling that this ain't some silly little joke. And I'm worried 'bout the kids that may get hurt in the crossfire." I laugh, "Youse just bein dramatic! Surely, they wouldn't be as dumb as to underpay their own employees." I walk over to Weasel and slap down a penny "100 papes please!" "That's gonna be dime, Kelly."
My heart almost stops, and it takes all my strength not to break down in front of the boys. I fake a laugh, "Surely you're joking." "100 papes costs a dime, take a look at the headline." I hit the money box out of anger, "Then we'll just take our business to Brooklyn." Someone pipes up, "The same thing's happenin' there." "Then we'll go to Rushing!" Specs jogs over, seemingly out of breath, "I'll save ya the walk; it's the same everywhere."
Fuck.
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Y/N POV:
A sharp pain in my chest temporarily distracts me from the situation at hand. Ah. I almost forgot. I still have to bind. This sucks. I feel a pair of eyes on me and turn just in time to see Racetrack Higgins avert his eyes. I give him a confused look and turn back to Jack singing "The World Will Know" I forget all about his weird staring and get back into the determined beat from before.
Soon, the newsies and I make our way to Jacobis for some...water I guess? I do happen to have some extra money in my pocket so I think I can treat all the boys to some seltzer. I sit down on a hard wooden chair in a slouch. The room is buzzing with excited talk of the strike. I give a small, sad smile. These boys have no idea what they're getting themselves into. Crutchie sits next to me serving a wide smile just as Jacobi enters with a tray full of waters, "And here's one for you, and for you, and for you- who's the big spender that ordered everyone seltzer?" shyly, I raise my hand, "That's me, sir." "You know these cost a quarter each, right?" I pull out a handful of quarters with a cheeky smile "and I got more where that came from." The boys go wild, "Where did ya get all that money, kid??" Davey, being the concerned mom, asks "Please tell me you didn't steal that." I shake my head, "I used to live comfortably, but my mom kicked me out for...reasons." my grin falters for a second, but no one seems to notice.
"Well!" Jack stands on a table, "Here's to the strike! And, of course, (N/N)" He gestures towards me with a wink as everyone cheers. As Katherine enters, I start to zone out and stare at a speck of dust on the ground. After all, I know the plot all too well. I perk up, though, as soon as Jack asks who's goin' to Brooklyn. My hand shoots up, "I nominate me and Race!" I exclaim. I look over at Race, who's staring at me, blushing and jaw dropped a little. I grin at him and look back at Jack, who's a little shocked. "A-alright! Me and Dave'll take the Bronx, I guess."
*Timeskip to after the restaurant scene*
I walk down the Manhatten alleys blindly, no clue where I'm going, when I hear someone come up behind me. "Hey, (N/N)! It's me, Race." I smile weakly, "Oh, hey." "I always sell my papes at Sheepshead in Brooklyn, so I know where to go."
It's almost completely silent except for the clicking of our shoes on the paved roads. "So... how'd ya get here as a Newsie, (N/N)?" "Well, Jack 'n Davey found me sleepin' on the street just this mornin'" He laughs, "Wow! So you got used to the Newsie life real quick!" "Yeah, I did.." I let out a small chuckle as well. Race pulls out a cigar and clamps it between his lips and goes to light it but hesitates. "Uh- Wanna cigar?" "Wow, Racetrack Higgins giving me one of his own cigars? I'm flattered!" I joke, "But, yeah, I need smoke." He digs into his pocket and hands me another cigar, "You eva' smoked before?" he stares at me as I put the cigar in between my lips. I grin sheepishly, "No." "Okay, maybe we should stop for a second. Coughing while walking ain't the most fun thing in the woild."
We lean up against a wall as Race lights first his, then my cigar. I inhale and immediately spiral into a coughing fit. Race smacks my back, "You good, (N/N)? I ain't neva' seen a fella cough that hard on the first puff." I roll my tear-filled eyes and continue coughing.
Once my coughing fit subsides, I feel a wave of relaxation. "God I should do this more often." I groan, Race grins, "Yeah, once you get past the whole blowin'-your-brains-out part of smokin', it's real nice. Anyway, shall we continue?" he gestures to the streets ahead. I nod my head and take another puff, "Yeah, it's gettin' kinda late and we do NOT wanna wake up the Spot Conlon." Race nods in agreement and we hurry along. Even though I know Spot is kind of a softie, that doesn't stop me from being intimidated by his prowess.
We reach the Brooklyn lodging just as Race's cigar burned out. Race takes a deep breath and gives three solid knocks on the door. A kid younger than me answers the door, "State ya business" "I'm here to let Conlon know about some very important news." The kid squints his eyes but responds "I'll ask him if he's willing to meet with anyone right now. Who should I tell him is askin'?" "Race. Higgins." He says somewhat awkwardly.
The kid closes the door. Race and I stand quietly waiting for the OK to see Spot. Suddenly the door swings open to reveal Spot. "Ra-" he notices me and coughs, "I mean- Higgins, would you like to step in to discuss the important news?" I almost laugh at the way he went from totally in love to distinguished gentleman. I shoo them away, holding in laughter, "don't worry, I'll wait out here and give you lovebirds some space." (A/N: or should I say sprace) I see them both go tomato red.
I sigh as they head inside. I take a drag from the cigar and start thinking. How did I end up in the newsies universe and act this calm about it? This feels so surreal. But I want to stay here forever. Far away from my sh!tty mom and all my responsibilities.
Lost in my own head, I barely notice as Racetrack storms out of the lodging, clearly pissed. "C'mon (N/N), we're leaving." he grabs my hand and angrily powerwalks to the next street over. Once we're there, he lets go of my hand and sighs harshly, walking slow. "I assume it didn't go well?" I ask, already knowing the answer. "Not. Well." "Wanna talk about it?" he shakes his head and starts walking "No, thanks. I think we's better get to bed before Jack gets worried." he stops. "Do you have a place to sleep?" I look down, "Not really..." "Well!" he grabs my hand again with a big grin, "Looks like youse bunkin' wit' me." I start to protest, but realize it'd get me nowhere with this stubborn SOB, so I let myself get dragged along. Oh, well. I might as well get rest for the strike tomorrow, goodness knows I need it.
As I settle down into the rough sheets, the gentle snoring rocks me to sleep with thoughts of the strike. One thought flashes through my mind before I fall asleep; God help us all.
I wake up to someone poking my face. My eyes flutter open and I almost fall off the bunk at the sight of Race's face right in front of mine. "JESUS CHRIST, RACE, YOU SCARED THE SH!T OUTTA ME!" He backs off, putting his hands up in surrender, "Sorry, sorry, it's just that Jack said you had to be up and out in 10 minutes so we can have an organized strike or whateva'" Race rolls his eyes, "I'm startin' ta think that Davey's rubbin' off on 'im a lil' too much."
I groan, tempted to slide back under the covers, but get up anyway. I slept with my clothes on so I don't have to do anything about that. As I look into an old, rusted mirror and comb my fingers through my now tangled hair, I feel another sharp pain in my chest, accompanied by a dull throbbing. I really should have taken off the bandages while I slept, but now it's too late. I take one last look in the mirror and, ignoring my eyebags, quickly head out the door to join the others. As I get to the gate, everyone's waiting with anticipation, faces grim but hopeful.
Everything happens in a blur. One moment we're striking, and the next we're beaten into a pulp. I manage to soak a Delancey in the eye when suddenly a familiar sharp pain fills my chest and wince, faltering. Morris takes this as an opportunity to knee me in the stomach, forcing me to the ground, where their take turns kicking my chest and body with those damn steel-toed boots of theirs until my clothes are torn and the cuts on my arms reopen. Suddenly, there's a small crack as my body swells up with pain and the taste of metal enters my mouth. I let out a blood-curdling scream as the pain registers in my brain. In my blurred vision, I see the Delancey's walk away, ready to torture their next victim; Crutchie.
I try to get up and reach out, try to scream at them not to hurt him, but all I can do is weakly move my hand in their direction and spit out blood. Suddenly, a small but rough hand reaches out and drags me into an alley. "Dammit, (N/N) what were you thinking?! Fighting in a gawddamn binder, and a makeshift one, no less!" "R-..Race..?" "Not now, (N/N) I have ta get youse to safety foist." I watch as he chews on his nails in thought, "Dammit! The only way back to tha lodge is through the Delancey's again!" He sighs. "Brooklyn it is..." He gingerly picks me up and carries me as fast as possible to Spot's turf.
Setting my feet on the ground and propping me up against him, he bangs on the door. "Spot!" Please! This is serious, I need your help!" I can hear the tears in his voice. Spot flings open the door, obviously very concerned. He's confused for a second, then looks at me and his eyes go wide. "GET THE MED KIT AND A COT OPEN, WESE GOT SOMETHING HORRIBLE THAT'S HAPPENED" he yells behind him. Race, now more calmed down, takes me in his arms again, but seems to refuse to look at Spot, who looks away as well, but more in shame.
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Race POV:
I watch as some of the Brooklyn newsies take (N/N) and lay him on a cot, anger surging through my veins. I take a deep breath "I'll take care of him. You guys don't have to worry about it." As they leave the room, I look down at (N/N) and can't help but feel guilty. Like this is my fault. I only got away with a black eye, but he got all this?
I regain my composure and start by taking (N/N) shirt off. I can already see the bruises starting to form and cringe. I take off his binding bandages and see his chest expand immediately. Poor kid. He must have been hurting in more way that just one. I take the gauze from the wooden box and gently wrap his torso with it. Maneuvering around his arms, I notice something. The bandages on him arms. When he was wearing them before, Jack said it was a marketing ploy, but now I see red bleeding through the white gauze.
I unwrap (N/N)'s arms and gasp. Hundreds of tiny, but deep cuts litter his forearms and wrists. F#ck. He was hurting so much more than I could have ever known. I wrap them with fresh gauze and treat the rest of his wounds, stepping back to admire my handiwork. That's when I start to cry. Full-on tears falling, face in hands crocodile tears. I turn my head with a start to see Spot, standing over me with a hand on my shoulder, looking apologetic "I'm so sorry..." Suddenly this sadness turns to rage. I grab him by the shirt collar and drag him outside to an empty alleyway. "SORRY?? SORRY, MY 4SS! (N/N) AND SO MANY OTHER 'HATTEN NEWSIES ALMOST DIED OUT THERE BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO JOIN UNTIL YOU KNEW WE WOULDN'T "CAVE" WELL, WE DIDN'T CAVE, AND LOOK WHAT F#CKING HAPPENED! AND DONT YOU SAY SORRY TO ME AND EXPECT ME TO FORGIVE YOU JUST BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, THAT'S FOR CROW TO DECIDE." Spot seemed silent at first, but now I could see his anger building up; "WADDAYA THINK WOULD O' HAPPENED TO MY BOYS, HUH?? I WANTED TO WAIT TO SEE IF WE WOULD BE THE ONLY ONES FIGHTIN IN THIS BATTLE AGAINST PULITZER."
I open my mouth then close it. He has a fair point, but doesn't he trust me and the udda newsies not to bail in their hour of need? I sigh, pinching my nose. "I'm sorry Spot, I just-... I just wish you trusted me a bit more..." I look up at him to see tears in his eyes. "OH, SPOT HONEY, ITS OKAY, I'M NOT MAD, DON'T CRY, DON'T CRY" I shush him, pulling his head into my chest, which isn't tough considering his height.
As he lets go, the adrenaline rush from today dies down. God, I'm so tired. My knees nearly buckle and Spot notices, "Aye, aye! Tony, you doin' okay?" I nod at him, but the bags under my eyes are making them droop, "Race, honey, you need to get some sleep, okay?" I shake my head but soon fall into Spot's arms as my legs give way. "Fine..." I mumble. I can feel him grinning, "Good, we gots an extra bed for youse to sleep in." I sigh, grateful. I can feel Spot picking me up, the rhythm of his boots tapping along the ground, a pause and shift as he opens the lodging door and kicks it closed behind him as I fall asleep.
I wake up in a cold sweat. (N/N). I need to see (N/N). I need to check if he's okay. I climb out of the bed Spot laid me in and let my eyes adjust to the dark before maneuvering around all the other sleeping kids. I make my way as quietly as possible to where (N/N) is resting. I crouch down and take his hand in mine. How could I let this happen? And how did I not notice his suffering? I press the back of his hand to my forehead, closing my eyes. My body is so tired right now, but my mind is too tortured with guilt to let me sleep.
By the time my thoughts finally leave me alone, the sun is rising in the sky. I'm finally drifting when- "Race?" I turn my head to the voice, "Oh, jesus, you look horrible!" Spot exclaims, "did you even get any sleep last night?" I shrug, to be fair, I lost count of the hours. Spot sighs, "Race...go sleep. At least for a few more hours. I can watch (N/N) if that makes you happy," I nod, rubbing my eyes. I stumble back to my bed amongst all the Brooklyn newsies and fall asleep the moment my head hits the pillow.
My mind dreams of talkin' cigars and bloody bandages. I see Crow propped up against the wall, smokin' a cigar. "(N/N)! (N/N)! Oh my god, I'm so happy that you're okay!" (N/N) doesn't answer, I slowly starts walking towards him, "(N/N)...?" he starts laughing. Softly at first then roaring, and the laughing turns into a heavy coughing fit. As (N/N) coughs, red smoke pours out of his lungs and clouds my vision. I swipe at the air, trying to brush away the fog, "(N/N)?? (N/N), where did you go?!" suddenly, the smoke clears and I see (N/N) bruised, damaged, bleeding body at my feet, I gasp and step back. (N/N) slowly turns to face me, and in a painful, teary, almost sickly whisper asks, "Why did you let this happen?" Tears start spilling down my face, "I- I didn't me-" "You did this to me Race. Race. Race. Race! Race! RACE! RACE!--
Spot POV:
--RACE WAKE UP!" He wakes up with a gasp. He looks around wildly, tears dripping from his chin. I've never seen him like this. He must care for him like a brudda. To be honest, I'm worried as well, not only about (N/N) but now that we know 'Hatten isn't gonna back down and we join the fight, what's gonna happen to the newsies in general? Kids could get hoit. Bad.
"Spot?" Race starts sobbing, clinging to my shirt fabric, "Please...tell me it'll be okay..." I can't. Race, I don't know if it will. I almost start sobbing on the Spot ( A/N: heh...), but I hold my composure and smile at him, "It'll be okay, Tony...we're all gonna be fine" He seems to believe this, at least a little bit. "Now, don't you gotta meet up wit' da udda newsies?" He retracts his head from my chest, eyes wide. In a nasal voice, he goes "AW SHOOT, I 'MOST FORGOT" I watch him with a small smile as he rushes to get dressed like the goof he is. God, I love 'im.
Race POV:
Silence. I got there too early. Fuck. I can't just be alone with my thoughts, but at least I have some extra money to... I don't know? I walk up to the bar, where the owner of Jacobi's is cleaning out glasses. I sigh and sit down, "Got anything to help forget? At least for a little while...?"
"Ain't you a little too young for that, kid?" I give him a look and push my money over the counter to him. He quietly collects it, "So what can I get ya?" I'm silent for a bit "Fireball." I say with some demand in my voice. He disappears behind the counter and comes back with some shot glasses and a Fireball bottle, pouring it out into the glasses as I watch. I notice as he sighs, "Feel betta, kid." Can't promise that.
I pick up a shot glass, watching as the orange liquid spins around in it. I take in a breath of spicy cinnamon before letting the liquid slip down my throat, leaving a trail of a burning sensation. Soon, one turns into another, and another, and another and before I could comprehend it, the room starts to spin and blur. Eventually, the room fills with newsies, mumblin' 'bout how crappy the strike went. I do my very best to fit in and not act drunk, but the time zooms by and I find myself singin' 'bout bein' the king o' new york. At some point in the blurry memory, Katherine suggests getting drunk and I throw my hands up and cheer. More free Fireball! But then she clarifies that it was a metaphor, to which I am very disappointed.
The rest whizzes past me and soon I'm stumblin' my way to Brooklyn. I knock heavily on the lodging door, then lean on it. Unexpectedly, the door opens and I'm left to fall flat on my face at the feet of my boyfriend, Spot Conlon. "Race! Darlin', you okay? Youse fell flat on ya face!" He extends a hand that I receive and pulls me up. I giggle, "Ahhhh, my Spotty! Always carin' 'bout uddas. Pshht! Yeah, I'm fiiiine." I flop my hand down to wave off his concern. He wrinkles his nose, "You reek of cinnamon....and alcohol." He widens his eyes and I let out anudda giggle, "Race! Tell me you didn't jus' get drunk!" he whines, I grin, "Okey, 'you didn't jus' get drunk'" I imitate him in a deep voice and he sighs, "Jesus Christ, Racer.." he grabs my hand pulls me inside, eventually laying me on a bed, face red with a giggling fit. "Goodnight, my liege," I giggle some more, "and you my Prince," he gives a small smile before covering me with a blanket. I fall asleep before it's up over my shoulders.
Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω
I wake up with my head feeling like it's going to explode.
Fuck Life.
I groan and sit up. "Mornin' Sleepin' Beauty" Spot smirks and hands me a cup of water, "Shut the fuck up" I whine and grab the glass, "Ooh feelin' feisty today, huh?" I shoot him a look that could rot a squash with one gaze. He holds up his hands in defense, "Alright, alright, my bad," He shrugs. I sigh and take a sip of water, which turns into me chugging the whole thing. "You betta get ova this hangover fast, hon" I groan, not ready to do anything at all today, "We gots the meetin' wit' Jack."
End my life.
"No, I don't think I will," "fuuuuck did I say that out loud?" I let out a small wail, and Spot chuckles a little, though you can tell there's somethin' on his mind still, "Yeah, ya did sweetheart." I grumble something incomprehensible and look down, red. He smiles, "Get dressed and drink as much water as possible, okay? We can't have you hungover for the big meeting, right?" I nod...which causes my head to hurt. Ow.
I sigh and decide to take my sweet time getting dressed. This sucks. "Spotty!" I call, then cringe after a new wave of pain hits, he pokes his head through the door "Yeah?". "I don't have the energy to deal wit' all dese gawddamn bandages. Help me?" He blushes a bit but agrees to help me bind. All I focus on is not hurting my head again. Spot ties the bandages and stands back to admire his handiwork but quickly notices my cringin'. "Do you want somethin' cold?" he asks gently, I nod as gingerly as possible.
*Timeskip to after the newsies meet n greet bcuz I'm power-finishing this at 12am and my mental health is steadily declining*
My hand shakes as I bring a fresh, unlit cigar to my lips.
Jack. That sellout, that traitor.
A sharp pain knocks me out of my angry thoughts. Ah. I burned myself.
I feel a hand on my shoulder, "Racer.." says a gentle voice, "You okay? that's your 3rd cigar in the past 2 hours or so." I look up to see Finch leaning over me as I sit on the ground, a concerned look on his face, "You're gonna run out all too soon" I give a bitter laugh, "Yeah, I guess I will." Finch can see that there's not much he can do to help me. He gives a weak smile and turns to walk away.
I see Davey run off somewhere. I wonder where they're going? I sigh and turn my head back down to the ground. Who cares? Without a leader, the strike'll just fall apart and Pulitzer'll win. Who was I kidding when I bragged abt being da "King o' New York"? I'm just some nobody kid without a nickel to my name. The bigger guys always win, so what's with me tryin'?
Jack POV:
I can't let any more kids get in this much danger. I visited (N/N) today. I found out about all his... injuries, as well as whatever he was born as. He's been through so much before all this, he doesn't deserve it.
It's my fault for being so ignorant. For not noticing anything was goin' on. My fault for inciting this stupid strike. For getting all these kids hoit. and Crutchie...poor Crutchie, locked up in that godawful place. I know he ain't helpless, 'e's a cheeky little bastard, I'll give him that, but the Refuge breaks down even the biggest of smiles and smothers the brightest of people. I will never forget that hell I went through. I went in a cheeky fightin' kid with a deep, strong flame, and came out with the embers barely glowing. It took years just to spark it up again. I'm terrified as to what'll happen to him.
I lean over the railing of my penthouse, not even noticing as it shakes and squeaks, making way for a young boy a little younger den me. "-Jack! JACK!" "Jesus Christ, yeah??? Oh, it's you, Dave..." I look away shamefully, he's probably here to chew me out and tell me we're done and gone. "What the hell was that?" I wince, I knew it. "Waddya mean 'what the hell was that?'?" "You know what I mean, JACK KELLY." I'm fucked. "YOU BETRAYED US FOR MONEY?!" "I WOULDN'T HAVE FELT PRESSURED TO IF I WADN'T DEALIN' WIT' A FLAKER!" Davey gives a bitter laugh and balls up the front of my shirt in his fist, tugging me towards him. "Ohoho! And if I wasn't your 'best friend' you'd be lookin' at me through one swollen eye!" "Oh, yeah? Well, don't let that stop ya, huh? Gimme your best shot!" something soft roughly pressing against my lips. The only thought at the moment is; 'Well, this is new... and passionate, 'specially from Dave' there's a heavy, awkward silence.
I back away from him, knocking over my drawings in the process. One specific drawing rolls out seemingly by fate. It taps on Davey's shoe and he looks down. His eyes widen a little as he reaches down to get it. "Is this.. the Refuge?" he puts a hand over his mouth, "weren't you stuck here once? Rats, cockroaches everywhere, 6 kids to a bunk? Holy fuc- I mean fudge." If the moment weren't this tense, I might've laughed. "Jack..." I feel a hand on my shoulder. "You don't have to tell me if you're not ready." I shake my head and he drops his arm understandingly. "Either way, we could use this. Heck..." Davey seems deep in thought before his face lights up, "We could make our own newspaper!" I look at him in disbelief, he notices, and speaks again "think about it, Jackie! Kath's a real talented writer! This art could change the perspective of hundreds! We could write to tell all the workin' boys to go on Strike tomorra'! And we could expose Snyder in the process!" Hey, that's not too bad..."But, Dave, how're we gonna print it?" His face falls, "I didn't think about it...we're banned from every printin' press in New York.."
Oh no. Ohhh no. "No. Noooo." I whine, Davey chuckles, amused "what?" "I know a printin' press that no one would ever think of!" Davey grins, "Then what are we waitin' for?" He puts my drawing back into the case, and slings it over his shoulder, getting ready to climb down. Suddenly, a thought strikes me, "Wait-" "Yeah?" "Dave- what are we exactly? Like I know how we act to each other n' everything, but we've never really said out loud what we are..." Davey giggles, "Jackie-" "No! Tell me right now, are we... in love? Boyfriends, I guess?? Or am I just something for your own experimentation?"
He cups my face in his hands, "Jackie..." he kisses my nose, "Of course I love you! And yes! We are in love! Dating! Boyfriends! Whichever way you want to define us!" Soon we're both grinning ear-to-ear and blushing. "Now!" he exclaims, hopping up, clearly on a high from the whole kiss and convo, "Let's get to it!" I laugh and stand up as well, following my over-enthusiastic boyfriend down the ladder. As Davey said; Let's get to it!
(Y/N) POV:
'My head hurts...' I think groggily. I try to open my eyes, but my vision is blurred and wonky. I sit up. Nevermind. Everything hurts. As my vision starts to clear, I see a very tired Spot Conlon sitting in a chair in the corner of whatever room I'm in rubbing sleep from his eyes. He fixates his eyes on me for a second, and I can see the sleepiness and confusion in his eyes turn into shock and joy. "(N/N)! Ohmygod! I'm so glad you'se awake!" I can see him go to wrap me in a bear hug before holdin' himself back after he remembers all my injuries. Wait. My injuries. "Does this mean you know about...?" I vaguely gesture to my arms and Spot nods sadly, "And..." I cringe and gesture to my chest, now only lightly bound with medical tape, but tighter than needed for a typical injury. I smile to myself. That must've been Race. He's like a perfect older brother, not only thinkin' about my physical health, but also my mental well-being.
Spot notices the look on my face and sees me lookin' down at my chest, he chuckles, "Yeah, Race decided on that. He wanted you to feel as comfortable as possible while you heal." I start grinning even harder. Spot spoke up again "Don't forget that even boys born seen as boys don't have perfectly flat chests, so binding as tight as you did wasn't necessary or safe, for that matter." I give him a look, is Spot really trying to be the cis savior right now? He gives me a look right back, "What? I know what I'm talking about." He lifts his shirt up to reveal two scars on his chest. I gasp, "But you're only *insert years/months* younger/older than me! How did you even know that this was an option, as well, how did you do it?" He smirks, pulling his shirt back down, "Thought so. Anyway, I don't really know. I needed them off desperately and randomly thought of it. As for the how, Buttons is AMAZING with scissors and blades. Like, scary amazing." He shivers. I blink. Damn.
He gives a shy grin "Do I really pass that well?" I look at him enviously "Of course! But... how do you look so...masculine?" "Well, I tried my best to copy the behavior of other boys I saw. And the whole working out didn't hurt." I nod, taking a mental note. Behavior, got it. Can't promise sticking to a workout, though. Spot scoots closer, taking my hand in his, "But the most important thing to understand is- behavior, body type, and a powerful reputation doesn't define being a true boy. What does is what's in here-" he taps my head, "-and here." he points to my heart. Spot looks me in my eyes, "You could wear dresses, skirts, use a 'girly' name, hell, even go by she! and you'd still be a boy in my eyes." I feel my eyes water, and Spot opens his arms to me with a sincere look. I fall into his arms and cry tears of joy. Spot and Race are the older brothers I never had, helping me at every fork in the road of my transition.
(A/N: I noticed that a big issue in trans fanfics was that the cis person was always the one to condescendingly teaching the helpless trans kid how to bind properly. I decided to make both of your mentors trans, had them both know what they're talking about, and made sure that you weren't completely useless or clueless, only that you needed guidance seeing as (Y/N) is a trans kid with no former knowledge about his transition. As well, I kinda wanted this fic to be of help to any newcomer trans men. Anyway, on to the last of the story!)
"So how are your ribs feeling?" Spot asks after we both calm down, "A little sore, but pretty much moveable. Is it really this painful to bind? I mean, the past few weeks I had the binding stuff on was my first time." "It shouldn't, I mean, lookit Race. He seems energetic and flexible even when he's binding." I think he sees my insecure face because he speaks again, "What I mean to say is- if you have more experience binding, you'll know how to mix mental and physical comfort. Either way, what fucked up your ribs wasn't the binding, it was the Delancey's. Not saying the way you were binding wasn't bad and wouldn't have caused lasting damage, of course."
I see Spot have a flicker of thought behind his eyes, he pulls out an obviously stolen silver pocket watch with the initials H.A. engraved on it to check the time. "Almost time..." he mutters. I give him a suspicious look, "Almost time for what...?" he looks sheepishly at the ground, "Nnnnnothing." I let out a noise halfway between a snort and a scoff, "Uh huh." "Fine." he sighs, "All the newsies and workin' boys is comin' together today. We'se hopin' ta finish up this strike Once And For All."
"Let me guess, I shouldn't go because I'm still healing." He nods, "Spot!! I need to do my part in this strike! I can't miss the most important day of my life." he gives me a weird look, "You don't even know what the outcome'll be, plus I promised Race that you wouldn't get hurt." "Please, I've been bedridden for WEEKS. And I won't get hurt" I protest stubbornly, he sighs exasperatedly "FINE, but I'm gettin' you right outta there at the foist sign o' danger, okay?" "Okay!" I say, content with the compromise. "We should prolly get you up and used to legs again before the strike--" my stomach rumbles harder than Les when he sees the chocolate croissants in the Pastry Shop window, and that's seriously saying somethin', "--and something to eat, too."
Spot holds my hands as I get out of bed and basically learn to walk again with wobbly legs. You could just paint my back with spots and call me a baby deer. Once I get my legs to work with me, Spot leads me to a tin tub. I give him a 'seriously?' look, "What am I doin', goin' ta church?" he laughs sarcastically, "Ha, ha. (N/N), you haven't cleaned yourself since the last time you were conscious. I also need to refresh your bandages since those haven't been touched since Race changed them in the foist place." "Fiiiine" I growl.
Spot unwraps my arm and chest bandages, but when it comes to me taking off the rest of my clothes, he looks away (not even for my privacy, but just because he is highly repulsed to the idea of naked bodies) I add enough soap suds on top of the water to cover my body so he's comfortable.
He grabs some soap and lathers up my hair with it, soon rinsing it. He also lathers and rinses my face, removing the built-up dirt, grease, and sweat, which accumulated surprisingly quickly for only spending a month, or was it two, here. Spot brings out a small piece of scrap fabric and a bottle of some liquid, then gently grabs my arms. "This might burn a little," he said empathetically. He dampened the cloth with what I am assuming is disinfectant and started pressing it against my healing cuts. I tried to hold in my pain but let out a small hiss when the cloth reached the deeper cuts on the backs of my arms. Spot stopped temporarily, letting my arms adjust to the sting a little, before continuing. Once he's finished, he hands me the soap and leaves the room to let me bathe myself in peace and picks up my dirty clothes and old bandages. "Holler if you need anything!" he yells on his way out.
I create a lather in my hands and stand up so I can actually wash my body. The air is chilly compared to the bathwater, so I do my best to be quick as I let my soap hands travel gingerly over my body. I look down, and for the first time in a long time, I don't feel ashamed. Spot words echo in my mind as I smile softly; 'You could wear dresses, skirts, use a 'girly' name, hell, even go by she! and you'd still be a boy in my eyes.' I guess, for now, I'm confident in my masculinity.
I sit back down, enjoying the warmth, and rinse myself off. I step out of the bath and look at the grey-ish brown-ish water. Ew, was I really that dirty? As the cold air envelops me once more, I realize I don't have a towel. Or clothes. "Spot!" I call out, "Yeah?" I hear a faint voice, "I need a towel and some clothes!" I answer. There's quiet, then a series of rustling sounds that slowly get closer. The door opens a crack and I see a tan, muscular hand slide a pile of clothes and a towel in my direction. I smile gratefully, "Thanks, Spotty!" "Aye! Only Race can call me dat..." "Okay, fine."
I dry my hair as much as possible, before continuing to my body. There's not much actual rubbing rather than patting because of my injuries, so when I get my pants on and slip my button-down onto my shoulders, they get a little damp. "Spot?" I call out again, "Do you think you could help me with my bandages?" "'Course!" He casually picks up the chest bandages and binds it pretty much perfectly- Tight enough to make a difference in my chest size, but loose enough to let my ribs heal. Spot then starts re-bandaging my arms, "Can I ask you a question, Spot?" "Sure, (N/N)" he says nonchalantly, "Why is it you are repulsed by fully naked bodies, but you're perfectly casual and fine about helping me bind my chest when I'm half-naked?" he clears his throat as if he was ready to spin a whole story, "Well, Race used to live with me and we started trusting each other a lot more than when we first met. He trusted me enough to teach him the best way to bind, and he trusted me enough to feel comfy without a top on when around the house, so I'm kinda desensitized. But when it comes to people being naked or bein' overly suggestive, I just..don't like it. At all."
'Asexual,' I think, 'Knew it."
"Anyway, you ready to fight off the bulls and get our rights back, (N/N)?" He stands up and offers a hand to help me up, which I receive. I catch my reflection in the dirty bathwater. I can see crystal clear, that I am dapper, strong, and ready to kick some Delancey ass.
But first, Lunch.
Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω~Ω
I arrive at the strike on Spot's shoulders, hyped for the happy ending they all worked so hard for. Spot sets me down gently and scans the crowd for someone. It seems he found them because his face lights up. I see Race run over to us. "(N/N)! Oh my god, I'm so fuckin' glad that you're awake! Especially today of all days!" however, his enthusiasm is soon replaced with concern, "But is ya sure yer okay? You must've woken up just today, so are you feeling good? Yer injuries don't hurt too bad, you're not dizzy, hungry, thirsty?" "Calm down, Tony, I gave him a bath, changed his bandages, gave him food n' water, even a pep talk, so you don't need to worry!" Race takes a few deep breaths, "Okay, okay, yeah I'm fine. But that's great!" He engulfs me in a firm, but gentle hug. I look around the crowd and see some familiar faces, Katherine seems to have brought another girl with her, who I'm assuming is Sarah, Davey's sister. I see Albert and Elmer tightly holding each other's hands. I see Finch and Smalls exchanging jokes as a form of distraction. I look back at Race and Spot, who are being so romantic, it's almost gross. Almost.
The adrenaline still hasn't left me so when people start getting as excited as me, it just hypes me up even more. We look up at the window of Pulitzer's office and see Jack and a few others standing there, waving. I wave back vigorously. Not too long after, Jack, Davey, Pulitzer, and The Governer appear on a balcony, Jack at the front. "Newsies of New York City..." cue the pause for dramatic effect, "WE WON!!" The crowd of newsies roars with joy. I watch as Crutchie limps out and beats Snyder's ass as the abuser is dragged away, I don't understand why so many people see him as an angel, it's obvious that he's a cheeky lil' rat bastard.
Suddenly, it's like everything is in slow motion. I look around once more and see Katherine and Sarah kissing, same with Albert and Elmer, Finch and Smalls are hugging each other tightly. I look back up at the balcony and see Davey and Jack gettin' it ON. I look once again to Spot and Race, who just finished kissing. Spot reaches down and hoists me onto his shoulders to cheer. And as I take in this momentous victory one sense at a time, I realize in a moment of pure bliss-
I finally found my true family.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Word Count: 8190
(A/N):
This took VERY LONG (approx. one month, I just finished after working from 9 pm to 5 am) I know it was supposed to be a simple one-shot, but since there was no one to help narrow down and shorten the plot for me, I got carried away. I am, however, pleased with the length of it. This may be the longest fic I've ever written. As well, I hope any underlying advice or tips mentioned in the story helped you to understand/realize something.
I would love it if you were to vote, give me some constructive criticism, and/or request something for me to write! Don't forget- I live to write that one fanfic you can never find.
Love y'all!
~ Race
#newsies#fanfiction#newsies fanfiction#reader insert#ftm#trans reader#javid#sprace#almer#crutchie morris#morris delancey#katherine x sarah#spot x race#jack x davey#elmer x albert#hyperfixation#fansies#broadway#newsies broadway#ships#no one x reader#oneshot#no sleep#long oneshot#fanfic request#requests#requests open#tumblr#gay#lesbian
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I love your work! Do you have any JJK or Jimin fanfics to recommend to us, besides yours? (I've read all of it at least 10x each lol)
First of all thank you so much, you’re an angel and I’m so so so so incredibly happy you enjoy my writing 🥺❤️ second of all do I ever!!!!!!! I’ve never made a fic rec list before so bear with me:
JJK
One Shots ;
Kiss it Better by @jincherie
(okay literally everything written by jincherie is amazing I am obsessed w her hybrid/supernatural fanfics, I’d definitely recommend you check those out but cheerleader jk wearing a FREAKING SKIRT just does something to me. And it’s so cute and funny and adorable and you just will absolutely love the all of the characters)
Bite Me by @jeonsweetpea
(where do I even begin? Vampire reader? Masochist Guk? How do I express my love for this one shot? I do not know. But I love it, very much and highly HIGHLY recommend. I’ve read it so many times it’s not even funny at this point. And it’s still one of my favorites ever.)
Euphoria by @jeonsweetpea
(I have a massive weak spot for anything android I think that is so freaking cool and this one shot was so good!!!!! Subby Android Jungkook is just heaven for me okay, like my wet dream. Sorry was that TMI? whatever, check out this one shot!!!)
Deal by @vinterjeon
Hopping Mad For You by @readyplayerhobi
(This is the fic that made me realize that all I needed in my life was bunny guk and I high highly recommend reading it (if you haven’t already) bc it is sososososoos adorable and guk is the most precious human/bunny ever to exist and I love it with all my heart)
Little Wolf, Pretty Wolf, Your Wolf by @readyplayerhobi
Knock Out by @gamerguk
(I remember seeing the teaser for this and being so excited and checking back every day for the full fic to be posted and then it was and all of my expectations were exceeded and I absolutely loved it oh my god it’s so funny and sexy and yes I recommend.)
Baby Boy by @gukptune
(this is one of the first guk fics I read on here so I have a soft spot for it :(( plus I love it and guk is adorable and sub guk is even cuter thank you and goodnight.)
Gold Rush by @nochugguk
Cardboard Castle by @kittae
(the image of jungkook sucking a popsicle has been burned into my head and haunting me ever since I’ve read this fic. and also I want to build a fort and cuddle w him in it. The perfect sexy cute combination.)
Dumbo by @cinnaminsvga
(this fic is wild bro, the reader is crazy bold and I love it and jk has nipple piercings and I can’t get that image out of my head it’s so sexy oh my god.)
Wintervale by @fantasybangtan
(ohhhhhhhhh my goddddddd I loved this one shot so muchhhhhhh it was so sexy and well written and ugh. Again, subby jk so I love it, thank you very much. It’s part of a series, and I’d definitely recommend you check out Taehyung’s pirate au too which is also phenomenal.)
Stay In Your Lane by @luxekook
(oh my goddddddd bratty kook is a big yes!!!!!! and this fic portrays that so well and I love love love it!!!)
Series/Multiple Parts ;
Freak-Quency by @gukslut [ Companion Piece : Boots ]
(he spits in your mouth and you punish him and it’s one of the sexiest things I’ve ever read and I love it and oh my god yes + plus rockstar!guk is just something else yum)
To Tame a God by @vinterjeon
(holy fcking shit, this series is just *chefs kiss* immaculate in words I can’t even begin to describe. I’m a btch for a good werewolf au and the fact that kookie is a bit of a sub? yessir thank you very much plz check this out it’s one of my favorite series ever)
Bunny Troubles by @appreciatethefoolishness
(this fic is so freaking cute I can’t handle it. Bunny!guk and Sub!guk tied into one is almost too much for me to handle on its own but wrapped up in this adorable fic is just UGH you know?)
Bitchin’ by @kinktae
Flesh & Blood by @kinktae
(okay jungkook is literally a freaking zombie how sick is that? I loved Warm Bodies (both the book and the movie) so I love this series!!! It’s cute, funny, smexy and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it!)
The Doms Next Door by @tatertotthethot (ft. Tae)
(okay hear my out. I usually do not read dom!bts fanfic bc I prefer subby boys over dom boys, I don’t know why that’s just how my mama made me. But this fanfic— holy— oh my god how do I even— it’s so phenomenally written and so enrapturing and engaging that it just completely pulls you into the plot and you become invested and intrigued and holy fuck it’s so sexy and I really did like reading it a lot so even if you’re not so into dom!bts I’d say give this a chance and see what you think!)
Secrets of Silk by @nochugguk
(y’all wanna talk about camboy guk? Because I do. And this fic is freaking immaculate. I read it a while ago so I don’t remember too many specific details but dude, I remember just being hooked and absolutely loving it.”
Felicity by @nochugguk
For Science by @boymeetsweevil
(ugh I love love this series, it funny and cute and sexy and the perfect amount of messy and I def recommend checking it out!!!!)
If your into sub guk please check out @namsjunies fics, just all of them bro HERE is the link to their masterslist
PJM
One Shots ;
While You’re At It by @aureumjeon
(dudeeeee I remember seeing the teaser for this and getting hooked immediately!!! And then I read the actual fic and it was so freaking good!!!!! Pool Boy Jimin is something to behold, I must say.)
Florezco by @honeymoonjin
(this one shot is just so pretty. It is so freaking pretty. There is something so rhythmic and beautiful about the way it was written, the words and language used. The descriptions are beyond astounding. The plot as well is so amazing, you can see through every little interaction how their relationship grows and developed and it is so beautiful.)
Diary of a Bodyguard by @kernelmeow
Series/Mutiple Parts ;
Good Boy by @btssmutgalore
(if I’m going to talk about sub jimin, I’m going to talk about the Good Boy series, I mean come on that’s just a given. This series just— yes. The character development, the relationship growth, the ridiculously well written plot, just all of it. It’s an amazing read through and through and a definite must read!!!)
Handyman by @drquinzelharleen (ft. Tae)
(ohmygod I love this series so much. Jimin yum, reader is a boss bitch, the sex is right up my alley but it also has plot with ups and downs and I very much enjoyed reading it and perhaps (more than likely) you will too.)
Timid by @jincherie
(I melt every time. It’s so sweet, so cute, freaking tooth rotting. Jiminie is so precious and lovable and shy and I am so weak for him it’s actually not even funny. If you want cute hybrid jiminie, this is the fic to read, I swear you won’t regret it.)
Blood Rank by @gukptune
Baby, Baby by @hobiwonder (ft. Tae)
(bro, the relationship between Tae, Minnie, and the reader is just— wow. The development between the three is incredible and oh my goddd its amazing.)
Between Other Worldly Creatures by @btsjeonjazz (ft. Tae)
JJK + PJM
Humanity by @bts-trash-blog
(these hybrid babies are so precious bro I swearrrrr this fic gave me a roller coaster of emotions and I can’t wait for more parts to come out!!!)
Peach Blossoms by @pasteljeon
Abundance by @angelicyoongie
(okay, I know this is technically OT7 but oh my god, you wanna talk about one of the best hybrid fics I have ever read??????? It is so incredibly well written and the boys are a mess but an adorable lovable mess and guk is so cute and jiminie is a little shit but damnit I love it and I am so excited for when everything falls into place and they’re happy and lovey and sorry I am getting ahead of myself but if you haven’t read it already, it’s a must read.)
#oh wow i think my jungkook bias is showing#bts#bts fanfic#bts one shot#bts series#bts fic rec#fic rec#fanfiction rec list#jungkook#jimin#jeon jungkook#park jimin#jungkook fanfic#jimin fanfic#smut#angst#fluff#crack#romance#ill continue editing this if i find anymore!!!
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dong sicheng x reader, ft, taeyong
“Your brain works like a computer, like clockwork. Yet you just can’t think straight because you’re thinking of her, right?”
description. I watched in pain as my best friend whom I liked for ages become delusional of my feelings and fall in love with another girl. I never told my feelings for him, and I never will. Little did I know that he felt the same as well. The feelings that took him so long to realise, now with hope that it wouldn’t be too late.
genre. aNgsT, fluff, friends au, unrequited love au
warnings. sad but also not a sad ending. depends how you look at it cudndjdn
word count. 9.2k~
a/n. do yall ever feel emo and suddenly want to write a sad ff? yes this is one of those times. i actually never wrote a ff where it was eXtrEmElY sad but oh wells let’s put you on an emotional roller coaster ride while you read this HAHA enjoy!
Dong Sicheng. Winwin as his nickname and what everyone, teachers and students, call him by. He’s smart, kind, sweet, and appearance wise you can never say no to that beautiful face. He’s an all rounder perfect student that everyone adores and admires. He’s extremely friendly, being able to socialise with everyone in the hallways right off the bat. I can confirm in my three years of high school that no one has never disliked him before.
The only thing that everyone dislike though is the fact that I’m his best friend. The only one that calls him by his real name, the one that can get close to him in terms of physical touch, and just have him by my side almost all the time. I received hate for being his best friend since they think he deserves better. But at this point, I really couldn’t care less, opting to stay quiet and accept the harsh words thrown at me with zero care for the world.
Since those insults are given to me when I’m away from Winwin, I never told him about what happens outside of his sight since I didn’t want him to be concerned for me and have him worry over a small matter. Things like this in high school are what I consider childish, which is why I try my best to ignore it as much as possible.
“Here. Another box of cookies and perfume. Also, a ton of love letters.” I said lazily, tossing the bag of gifts to Winwin’s lap and taking the seat beside him with a groan. I hated it when girls asked me to pass their gifts to Winwin because they’re too shy to do it themselves. It’s not like I’m some delivery girl in charge of taking care of their gifts. But I got used to it. Not sure if that’s exactly a good thing or not.
“You can have the cookies.” Winwin took out the box of cookies and handed it over to me. I took it and scoffed in amusement. “The price for the ingredients to make regular cookies is way more cheaper than buying it from wherever she got this.” I inspected the box and the cookies inside, noticing how expensive it looked with the decorations.
Regardless, I opened the box and picked up a cookie to take a bite. “Okay well it tastes good.” I said in defeat. Winwin wasted no time to grab a cookie and try it, instantly humming dreamily. “Oh wow it’s actual good.” Winwin moaned out as he finishes the cookie in his mouth.
“Being the school’s most adored student couldn’t get any more better, huh?” I reached into the bag of gifts and took out a random letter, twirling it around in my hand as I observed the aesthetics of it.
Winwin huffed, leaning back into the seat. “It’s tiring. I’m only down for the free food. And perfumes.” Winwin takes out the perfume, which I could already tell from its packaging that it was an expensive one. He unboxes it and squirts once to smell the fragrance in the air. He shrugged and shook his head. “Expected better. I’ll just sell this.”
I chuckled at his reaction, sniffing the scent that was in the air and nodding in agreement. “By the way...” Winwin suddenly started. I noticed his change in behaviour. He’s acting all shy and somewhat embarrassed, looking down and fidgeting with his fingers and feet. I raised at eyebrow at his unexpected mood change.
“You know the new student that got transferred four months ago?” I clicked my tongue and nodded. “Haeun, right? What about her?” I asked, though I wasn’t fully concentrated on the conversation because I couldn’t stop shoving the cookies into my mouth and admiring it’s savoury taste.
“Would it be weird to say I like her?”
I froze in my spot, a cookie halfway into my mouth as I tilted my head up from the cookies to look at Winwin. Though he was looking down to his feet, I could tell he was smiling to himself like an idiot and blushing intensively.
I knew where this was going. And I didn’t like it. It hurts my heart, like a needle constantly jabbing into my heart as the question that Winwin asked resonates in my head. Not receiving a reply, Winwin called out to me, making me shake my head and blinking my eyes rapidly to snap myself out of my thoughts.
“Um well, how’s she like?” I asked hesitantly. Why was I dumb enough to ask this? I’ll only be hurting myself more with the answer Winwin was about to give.
“She’s a badass. She’s strong, and she knows how to stand up to the students that bully her. I admire her a lot because she’s fearless. The way she can even fight back to the teacher and actually having valid arguments. She’s not like anyone else here.”
Of course she isn’t. She not at all like me either. I took a deep breath, knowing I’ve done a great job at stabbing myself in the back as I lump filled my throat, once again unable to give a single reaction of sentence. “You okay? You seem worked up suddenly.” Winwin suddenly got closer and I quickly inched back.
I felt my body getting tensed up as my face gave a blank expression. I wasn’t sure what to feel. Anger, sadness, heart fluttering due to Winwin’s small action of getting close to my face. Maybe all three.
“You do remember what happened the other times you have liked a girl, right? You know they didn’t end well. I don’t see why you’re still trying.”
That, was the only excuse I could come up with to have Winwin not having any interest in other girls. Before high school, he’s liked plenty of girls. But they’ve all rejected him, causing him to come to me for comfort. It hurt my heart, seeing that I’m the one that has to watch him go through a heartbreak and being the hopeless romantic he was. It also pained me in a way that I couldn’t describe.
If only you were mine, you wouldn’t have gone through any of that.
“What if someone else liked you? What would you do?” Winwin tilted his head upwards with a finger on his chin for a moment as he stopped to think. He had an unreadable expression on his face, only making me wonder what he would reply.
“Depends on who.” Winwin simply replied.
“What if that someone is really close to you?” His forehead creased with raised brows, probably either curious as to why I’m asking such questions or trying to figure out where this conversation is heading.
“The only ones I’m close to are you and Yuta.” A few seconds later, Winwin gaped his mouth open and covered it with the palm of his hand, letting out a shocking gasp. “Is Yuta gay?!” Winwin burst out laughing crazily, smacking his thigh as he had a hand on his stomach.
I could only sit there with an unamused face. I glanced sideways and forced a smile. A simpered smile that would best hide what I truly felt. I rose from my seat with the box of cookies in hand. “I meant the other person, Dong Sicheng.” I looked straight into his eyes with a face of seriousness. Though I doubt Winwin understood what I meant by that.
Not being able to handle this any longer, I walked away, despite Winwin calling out my name multiple times. I walked till I hid behind a wall where it was out of Winwim’s sight, beginning to slide my back down the wall till I hit the ground, my eyes starting to get flooded with tears till they finally stream down my face. I brought my knees close to my chest with the box of cookis in between and hiding my face with my arms.
How long do I have to keep this up? How long do I have to wait till Winwin realises my feelings for him? All this time while he went through constant heartbreaks, I was the only one there for him. Me. I had to watch him cry days on end all because of a girl who doesn’t even mean much.
And now I have to watch him go through it again. But I can’t stop him. It’s his feelings. Despite my constant share of concerns for him, he never seemed to stop being the stupid one in love. Dong Sicheng was, and always will be, a hopeless romantic.
But in a way, I was as well. Not being able to let go of my feelings for him that has kept me tied down for so long. I liked him for years and I knew my love was more than what the girls he liked before could offer. If only he could just see that. But waiting for that moment slowly began to get tiring.
I wondered where Winwin has gone to as I laid on the living room couch with my phone held in the air showing Winwin’s contact on the screen. I contemplated on whether I should call him or not.
There have been days where Winwin would come back to our apartment late, but it’s either because he had family events (which happens quite often in Winwin’s case) or just an outing with Yuta. But I would have known the reason either way since he’d always update me whenever he went. It felt out of place to not know where he was and it made me a little worried.
As I was about to press on the call button, I heard the front door open. Lifting my head from the couch, I turned around and saw Winwin taking off his shoes and walking in. “Where the heck have you been, you dork?!” I shouted, throwing a pillow from under my head.
He got hit by it, resulting him to frown and let out a wince due to his overreacting nature. “Chill I just went out of Haeun, alright?” Winwin picked up the pillow from the ground and tossed it back to me.
I didn’t even bother asking why he went out with her. I didn’t want to hear about it either, knowing that my emotional feelings for him that I’ve tried to hide for so long will start to flare up. Regardless, Winwin ran over to me and pushed my legs off fhe couch to give him space to sit. I groaned at his act and sat up straight.
“Today was so fun! I went to the amusement park with Haeun and holy shit was she good at winning games but I wasn’t able to win any for her and I felt bad so we...”
As Winwin rambled on about his amazingly perfect night out with Haeun, I spaced out and could only think about what I have to deal with once Haeun leaves Winwin again. Though now I’m starting to doubt that because well, who wouldn’t want Winwin? He had a major glow up from elementary school to high school anyways.
But now my mind has wondered off to the possibility that I might actually lose Winwin once he gets together with her. And how the feelings that I’ve kept solely for him would go to waste and my times of waiting on him would mean nothing.
“Good that you had fun. I’ll go to bed now.” I said in monotoned manner when Winwin finally stopped talking.
“Oh um okay... goodnight. Sleep tight. Dream of me, alright?” He probably noticed my sudden change in attitude but didn’t bother asking, and instead tried to lighten the mood with a little joke.
“I always dream of you.” I mumbled under my breath as I walked away and entered my room.
Little did I know, my soft mumble wasn’t as soft as it seemed.
“Why did she sound serious when she said that?” Winwin asked himself as he sat there in silence. He started to think about her weird behaviour these days. Especially whenever he brought up about Haeun. Was there something wrong with talking about Haeun? Why did she look like all the energy was drained out of her whenever he spoke Haeun’s name?
Winwin’s deep thoughts got cut off when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He took it out to see a notification from Haeun asking if they should go out more often. He didn’t bother to reply as his mind was only filled with his best friend, deeply concerned but also anxious.
“What am I feeling right now?”
Yuta and I decided to eat lunch together since Winwin’s chemistry teacher held his class back for a reason that he never specified.
Our conversation was going well till somehow our topic swerved into talking about Winwin.
“I heard Winwin’s going out with Haeun more often, and ditching you too.” Yuta suddenly mentioned, taking a sip of his lemon tea.
I suspired and nodded my head. “Yeah well, I’m not too happy about that.” I swirled my straw in my drink, getting mesmerised at the sight. “Of course you don’t. You like him.”
My eyes immediately shot up to Yuta’s, narrowing my eyes in an intimidating manner as I whispered, “Don’t mention it, please. It already hurts enough that it’s a fact.” I said, my eyes softening right after as I frowned.
“You still aren’t giving me a proper answer as to why you can’t tell him.” Yuta bobbed his shoulders, adjusting his blazer. “I told you time and time again.”
I groaned, covering my eyes with a hand. “He’s my best friend. You know how weird it’ll be if we have feelings for each other. Secondly, even if he does like me back, how will things turn out between us if we argue or something? It’s worse for you because you’re friends with the both of us.” I explained, making random hand gestures like you would do in a presentation.
“But still. It’s important to be friends before lovers. Better yet best friends to lovers. You’re basically saying that a male and female can’t be friends without one of them falling in love. Well. I mean you fell in love but-”
“But what, huh?”
Yuta let out a deep sigh before leaning in, resting his chin on his hands with his fingers interlocked together. “But that doesn’t explain you and me. We’re friends but we’ve never fell in love.” Yuta gave a cheeky smile. I growled and smacked his forehead, hard. “What it’s the truth! Anyways, if you aren’t going to anything about Sicheng, I will.”
As soon as he said those words, I wasted no time to loom over the table to grab him by the collar. “Do anything, and you’ll get brutally killed.”
Yuta simpered, knowing he fucked up as he laughed in fear. “W-with what?” Yuta asked hesitantly. I slowly picked up the fork from my tray and raising it beside my head.
“This fork.” This time, Yuta laughed hysterically, removing my hand away from his collar and throwing me back down to me seat. I let out a huff, slamming the fork back on the plate. “Which body part do you want to hit with a fork, sweetie?” Yuta teased.
I threw him a sharp glare with a line appearing between my brows. “I’ll carve out your eyeballs first so you’ll never see the light of day.” I rolled my eyes and shook my head, finding Yuta shaking in fear as he waved his hands in the air in defense. “Okay, okay. I’ll shut up. Jeez...”
“I just want him to realise my feelings himself. Have you seen what he’s gone through? I have to deal with his stupid feelings while I have to bear the fact that he won’t see me as anything more than a best friend. His delusional ass that I can’t stop falling for...” I continued.
“I’m more stupid in this situation than him if we’re going to be honest.”
Later that day, Yuta and I invited Winwin to go out and have dinner. We were waiting in front of the restaurant only to be greeted with Winwin and a somewhat unwanted guest.
“Oh! Haha it’s Haeun...” Yuta waved a hand to her. She greeted him back with a gentle smile that could possibly mesmerised anyone if she wanted to. Yuta took a quick glance at me. I was pretty sure we were both thinking the same thing. About how I’m not liking the fact that she’s here with Winwin. He brought his hand to my back and rubbed it gently as a sign of comfort.
Don’t get me wrong. I hold no hatred or grudge towards her. It’s just that I didn’t want to see Winwin with another girl. Clearly, I was jealous. I was just too weary of Winwin’s feelings and mine to own up to it.
“Let’s go in then?” She asked excitedly, looking up to Winwin as she tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. Winwin smiled back and patted her on the head. I was already not liking how physically close they were.
Little actions like patting the head, hugging, ruffling the hair. Those were all actions that only Winwin has ever done to me. He wouldn’t even be this close to the girls that he used to like. Seeing that he’s now becoming more open, it made me disappointed a lot more than it should due to the deep stupid meaning I hold of the little things he does.
Our conversations while we were eating were quite general. Most questions were about Haeun and getting to know her better. Well, more specifically it was Yuta since I’m pretty sure Winwin already knew a lot about her. As for me, I didn’t bother.
“You should try this. It’s delicious.” Haeun suddenly said, picking up a drumstick of the chicken that was just served to us and bringing it to Winwin’s mouth. Haeun placed a finger in Winwin’s chin to bring his head closer. With Winwin opening his mouth widely, Haeun feeds him with the most brightest smile.
“You’re so cute.” I heard Winwin whisper as he leaned down to Haeun’s ear. She giggled with glee and nudged him in the shoulder. It was obvious that she was liking it. Her blushing couldn’t get any more serious.
He hummed in satisfaction as he chewed on the chicken. “You should try it, too.” Winwin said, passing me a drumstick and putting it on my plate. I forced a smile, which turned out to me only giving a half-smile due to my effort of trying to hide my feelings slowly becoming drained.
Seeing how Yuta kept stealing glances at me, I could only assume that he knew what I was feeling when he suddenly said, “Actually it seems like she’s getting tired. I’ll see her off. You guys have fun.” Yuta swung an arm around my shoulder as the two of us stood up and grabbed our belongings before heading out and leaving the two to hang out by themselves.
“You didn’t have to do that...” I whispered, looking into my bag and checking if I left anything behind. Yuta shook his head and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I had to. It was hard to watch you die inside while they were being all lovey-dovey.” Yuta replied.
“Anyways, can you go home yourself?” I gaped my mouth and scoffed, glancing sideway before looking up to him with a raised brow. “You brought me out here but you can’t be a gentleman and send me home!?” I hissed.
“The food inside was actually good and I’m willing to finish whatever’s on my plate!” Yuta retorted with a cute pout as a way to persuade me to follow his way. With the unamused face I gave him, he huffed and ran a hand through his hair.
As though a lightbulb was suddenly lif above his head, he snapped his fingers and shouted, “Ahah!” making me flinch back at the sudden noise. “I’ll text Taeyong to drive you home on his motorbike.”
I furrowed my eyebrows, but shrugged in the end as I admitted it was a good idea. “Yeah sure. I find him cute.” I said plainly, which somehow earned me a weird look from Yuta.
“You called him cute?” Yuta asked in a way that told me that he was surprised. I nodded my head slowly, not sure about why he reacted that way but I was quick to figure it out. “Don’t be an idiot and assume I like him. Everyone finds him cute, okay? It’s like how fangirls call their idols cute all the time. It means nothing.” I said with a sigh.
Yuta’s surprised face slowly turned into a sinister one as his mouth formed a wide smirk. “Hey. Honestly speaking, if you can’t have Winwin, You should try Taeyong. He’s a good catch.” Yuta winked at me before looking down to this phone and texting Taeyong.
I smacked him in the arm, making him wince in pain but recovered in no time due to his endurace of me beating him up almost all the time. “You think my three years of affection for Winwin will just magically go away if I liked him? Don’t be ridiculous, will you?” I let out a ‘tsk’ as I threw him a death glare.
“You never know, sweetie.” Yuta breathed out, putting his phone away and getting close to me. “He’s coming in ten minutes so I’ll go now, okay? Text me when you get home.” Yuta gave a heartwarming smile as he reached both his hands out to rub my shoulders before bidding his last goodbye and going back in.
I scratched my head as I sat down at one of the benches near the entrance while I waited for Taeyong. I soon saw the motorbike that looked familiar since it was always parked at the parking lot at school, knowing it was him.
Taeyong stopped in front of me and lifted the shield of his helmet, revealing his face. He stepped down from his bike and headed to the trunk to take out a spare helmet. I walked up to him with a soft smile.
“Thanks for wanting to send me home. I would’ve gone myself.” I said as I took the helmet that Taeyong handed out to me. “It’s fine. I was pretty free and wanted to go out for a bit.” Taeyong smiled back with a light shrug.
“By the way...” I let out while adjusting my helmet. “Hm?” Taeyong asked.
“Can you take me to an ice cream shop? Any will do. I just need to eat something sweet right now.”
Taeyong got on his back and tapped the seat behind him to signal me to get on as he started up his motorbike. “Sure. I have a place in mind.”
I hopped on as I thought we were about to head off, Taeyong turned his head back to look at me. “You should place your hands on my shoulder. If it’s uncomfortable for you, just hold onto the handles beside you. Just... make sure you have something to grip on.”
I looked down to one of my sides to find the handle that Taeyong mentioned but there’s wasn’t any. I didn’t bother asking and made the quick decision if placing my hands on his shoulders to not keep him waiting. He finally puts down the shield of his helmet as we drove off.
Taeyong ended up taking me to an ice cream shop that was opened for twenty four hours. Which I was thankful for since it meant that there’s an ice cream shop I could go to at four in the morning in case I was in my feels one night.
I ordered two scoops of cookie dough while Taeyong ordered three scoops of cookies and cream. We had to sit at the roadside since the shop didn’t provide anywhere to sit. But I was fully fine with it since I wanted to feel the night air as well as look at the night sky.
We both ate in silence till I fed myself a bite and stuck my spoon into the ice cream, looking up to the sky and closing my eyes for moment.
“Are you on your period, perhaps?” Taeyong suddenly asked. I opened my eyes and tilted my head back down to look at him, shaking my head. “Why’d you think that?”
“I know that most girls have cravings that kick in at random times of the day during their periods. I also know girls crave sweet things too.” I chuckled at his response, nodding my head in agreement. “You’re right about the craving thing. But I’m not on my period.”
I paused for a moment before letting out a soft sigh. “It’s more of eating something sweet to wash down all the bitter feelings that build up in my throat.” I whispered, grabbing my spoon to take another bite.
Taeyong clicked his tongue and nodded his head slowly. “Do you mind me asking why? I-If it’s too personal you don’t have to-“
“What would you do if you liked a girl who’s your best friend for three years but she ended up liking someone else?” I cut him off, tilting my head to the side.
Taeyong looked up to stop and think. “I’ll probably do something to lose my feelings for her. I wouldn’t want to make myself suffer by keeping my feelings depite me knowing she won’t except it.”
“You know like move on. If I liked a girl for three years, I’ll probably take a long time to let go but maybe with the help of meeting new people and distancing myself away from her, I’ll eventually forget about her.” Taeyong added.
As I listened to his advice, I understood what he meant. Why do I burden myself with such feelings? It’s like I’ve been trapped in a cage due to the unrequited love I have for Winwin. Why make myself suffer any longer?
“That’s true... I probably should- I-I mean a friend asked me- Oh who am I kidding I’m asking you this for my sake.” I let out a sigh in defeat, stabbing my spoon into the ice cream before aggressively taking another bite.
“Let’s play some music. It’ll lighten the mood up a little.” Taeyong said with a warm smile, noticing my somber aura and wanting to do something about it.
He opened his phone as he scrolled through his playlist to find a song. “I really like this song so if I suddenly burst out dancing stupidly, don’t make fun of me.” I chuckled before nodding my head, eagerly as I was curious about the song he wanted to play. “I’m not judgy I promise.”
While the spoon that was filled with ice cream was being brough up to my lips, the song started playing and I quickly took a bite before swallong and gaping my mouth open as I instantly recognised the intro.
“Roses by Finn Askew?!” I asked with excitement. Taeyong nodded his head happily as he began to sing the lyrics, bringing his hands up and vibing to the music.
I laughed as I watched him sing and have fun. I decided to let go and sing as well, grooving my body as I finished my last spoon of ice cream.
Throughout the whole song, the two of us didn’t stop dancing in our seats. I constantly laughed at the weird movements and actions he did while we nodded our heads to the soothing music that we both loved.
Taeyong’s singing talent also shined through as he sang the song. I was definitely impressed by how much of a good singer he was. “I didn’t know you could sing like that, Taeyong.” I complimented as another song began to play in the background.
“It’s just a hidden talent most people don’t know. But I’m more to rapping.” Taeyong said with a shrug, placing his now empty cup beside him.
“Actually you’re one of the few people that know I rap.” Taeyong added.
I giggled in response. “I’m honoured to be one of the lucky few. Send me an audio of you rapping sometime. I’d love to hear it.” Taeyong chuckled lowly.
I quicly glance at my phone to check the time. I realised it was getting late and that I shouldn’t be out any longer. I looked at Taeyong, wanting to ask if he could take me home.
He turned to me and gave me a smile. A smile that I was suddenly to drawn into. The way his eyes formed a thin line as his lips curled up. He looked perfect and could make anyone swoon. He was cute.
“I know it’s getting late but can we just stay here a little while longer? I’m trying to savour this atmosphere.” I whispered.
Taeyong nodded and handed me his phone out of the blue. I raised an eyebrow at his sudden action. “Play any song you want. We can stay here as long as you want to.” Taeyong said in a gentle voice.
With that, I spent at least a few hours just sitting at the roadside with Taeyong as I swayed my head to peaceful songs that fit the mood. Taeyong was kind enough to let me play whatever song I liked even though I know there’s a few he wouldn’t know. Surprisingly, Taeyong and I had the same taste in music, which made us talk sbout our favourite artists etc.
I realised how quickly I got to know Taeyong. In a matter of a few hours, it felt like I instantly clicksd with him and I somehow felt as though I’ve known him for a long time. This feeling with Taeyong was refreshing and new. I liked it without a doubt.
Once we decided it was actually getting late, we called it a nighy and have Taeyong drive me home. When we arrived at my apartment, I got off and took off the helmet, passing it to Taeyong as he got off his motorbike as well to put the helmet back in the trunk.
“It was nice hanging out with you. I actually had fun for the first time in a long time.” I said after Taeyong closed the lid of the trunk and turned to me.
“Just call me if you need more ice cream.” Taeyong winked playfully. I took my phone out for him to put his number in. Once that was done, I stood in front of Taeyong, wanting to wait for him to drive off but he didn’t seem to move, leaning back against the motorbike.
“Aren’t you going to go?” I asked.
“I’m waiting for you to head inside so I know you got home safely.” Taeyong mentioned casually.
I chuckled and shook my head, nodding before making my way to the entrance. I turned around and flashed him one last smile and a small wave before heading in.
“Oi! Why the fuck are you home so late?! Did you know how worried I was?! Yuta told me Taeyong was going to send you home!” Damn, I just had to come home with Winwin shouting at me.
“I went out with him for a bit! And can you shut up it’s late at night and you’ll wake up the neighbours.”
I made my way to my room only to have Winwin following behind me and entering as well. “You shouldn’t be staying out late with a guy you barely know. Who knows what could happen to you?”
I took out my belongings from my sling bag and hung it behind my door, scoffing loudly.
“Oh so now you’re worrying? I bet you were out with Haeun and came home late as well.” I fought back.
“I came home earlier than you.”
“Taeyong is Yuta’s friend. And I do know him. So shut it and get out of my face. I’m tired.” I lashed out, pushing Winwin out of my room and slamming the door shut.
I plopped myself onto my bed as I took in the comfort of laying down on the most comfortable space I’ll ever know.
As I played with my phone, I suddenly got a text from an unknown number.
Unknown number: hey it’s Taeyong. you dont have to reply since i bet you’ll be sleeping by now but hope you made it home safely.
I let out an “Ah...” now knowing this was Taeyong’s number and saving it into my contacts.
Y/n: oMg chIlL i got home just fine thanks to you. hope you made it home safe as well
the ice cream man: i did, dont worry. i hope i got to get rid of any bitter feelings you had. goodnight :)
I left him on seen as I placed my phone screen down beside me and looked up the ceiling.
The night I spent with Taeyong somehow felt, magical. Like Cinderella at the ball. I had a lot of fun with him and I was able to let myself be free. Surprisingly, Winwin wasn’t on my mind for a second while I was with Taeyong. I only wished to continue being Cinderella for more than one night as I craved to hang out with Taeyong.
But also, the advice that Taeyong gave me continuously resonated in my head.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to let go after all.
On the very same night, Winwin had to face his feelings as well.
“What’s your real reason for going out with Haeun?” Yuta asked as he walked to the living room where Winwin was at and taking a seat beside him. Winwin took a sip of water from the cups that Yuta brought from the kitchen. “Because I like her.”
“Now’s not the time to fuck with me, Winwin. I know it’s something else.”
Winwin exhaled sharply and fighting back with a, “What else is there? I like Haeun, so I asked her out.” Yuta scoffed and slammed his cup down on the table, his eyes narrowed down to Winwin.
“How long are you going to keep this up? What are you trying to do? Hide your feelings? Use Haeun to distract yourself from her? How low can you get?”
Winwin took in a deep breath and rubbed one hand down his face in frustration. “I told you. I like her as a friend.”
“No.” Yuta replied instantly with a stern tone. “You think I don’t know you? You don’t think I see you staring at her during class? Or that one time where you ranted to me about how she went out with a group of guys from our class.” Yuta got closer to Winwin and he wasn’t fazed at all, determined to maintain this eyecontact that was filled to the brim with tension.
“So? It’s because I care for her. Are friends not suppose to do that?” Winwin retorted back, leaning in as he bored his eyes into Yuta’s.
“She’s right. You really are delusional. I don’t know why I bothered trying.” Yuta downed the rest of his drink and stood up, placing the cup on the table. “Well, she told me I should just make you realise it yourself.” Yuta bent down to meet Winwin’s eye level.
“And you better pray that by the time you do, it won’t be too late.”
With that, Yuta grabbed his belongings and headed to the door, exiting and slamming the door shut. Winwin blinked his eyes a few times and stared at the door.
To be honest, Winwin didn’t understand what just happened. A lot of questions popped up in his mind after Yuta left. What did he meant by delusional? What was he delusional about? What did he have to realise for himself? And what did she have to do with all this?
The longer he sat there in deep thought with analysing everything that Yuta said, Yuta was right in some way. The fact that he gets concerned for her with whatever action she did, but ended up not doing anything about it. He stared at her in class to make sure she wouldn’t fall asleep. He was overprotective about her being around guys because he didn’t want guy to be with her but himself and Yuta. The problem is, why did Yuta talked to him about it as if it was something else? Isn’t this what you do with your friends?
Winwin’s eyes immediately darted back to the front door where he heard the shuffling of footsteps coming. He knew it was her. The moment she opened the door, one last questioned surfaced in his mind.
“What’s too late?”
Little by little, one ice cream date at a time, I began to get a lot more closer to Taeyong. He never lets down an ice cream date and everytime I was with him, he gave me a place where I could go away from my sufferings of my complex love situation. It was as if he gave me a way to escape. Just by being with him, I felt that I didn’t need to suffer.
Our ice cream dates evolved into doing other things like exploring the city, or trying out restaurants we’ve never been to before. To be honest, I would do anything if it meant being with Taeyong. He really was like my very own escape world, where I could run away from the only problem I’m currently facing. Which was Winwin.
Since our exams were coming up, our dates naturally became centered around studying. Today was no different, going to the study cafe that we’ve been to a couple of times.
We decided to sit at the corner of the cafe so that we’ll be able to concentrate better. Me being the relatively smarter one, I had to tutor Taeyong. It was a good thing that he wasn’t one to slack on his studies. He’s avarage in terms of academics but he was willing to try and get better. It made it easy for me to tutor him since he would try his best to understand and stay attentive.
Though, I couldn’t help but notice him stealing quick glances of me whenever I wasn’t looking at him. Does he perhaps like me or something?
“I want coffee.” Taeyong groaned out, pouting cutely in front of me as he desperately asked for a break. I chuckled at his adorable nature and ruffled his hair. “A fifteen minute break, alright? I’ll buy you coffee.”
I was about to stand up from my seat when Taeyong gripped onto my wrist and sat me back down. “I’ll do it myself. Do you want your favourite drink?” I smiled and nodded my head eagerly.
Taeyong rose from his seat. Before he walked off, he bent down and placed a quick peck on my cheek and ran off in a matter of seconds. Taeyong turned around and flashed his cheeky playful smile with mouthing, “That was intentional.”
I giggled and waved a hand in the air, signalling him to turn to the cashier who was waiting for him to order. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel something after that small kiss.
Over time as our friendship grew, Taeyong became more affectionate towards me. He was a natural at it. Without me knowing, he ended up holding hands and giving each other kisses on the cheek of forehead. It made my heart race every time and he would tease me whenever I blushed. Of course I did the same to him.
A little while later he came back with the drinks, placing them on the table before taking his seat next to me.
We resumed studying till I heard the bell above the door rang, signalling that someone has came in. I didn’t really care about it as the music from Taeyong’s phone played on one side of the earpiece that I wore was loud. I then however heard a very familiar voice.
Looking up, I saw Winwin and Haeun standing by the counter to order. With creases formed on my forehead with eyes that were glued to the two of them, Taeyong noticed my expression and looked at where my gaze was at. “I’m assuming that’s the guy you like for three years?” I nodded with a defeated sigh.
“We can go if you want. I’m afraid it’ll distract you.” Taeyong whispered. Right as I was about to reply, Winwin and Haeun turned around with their drinks as they tried finding a seat. While Winwin’s eyes scanned through the area, he made eye contact with me, causing him to give a confused look until Haeun went up to kiss his cheek and urging him to sit at the spot she found for them.
I bowed my head to greet him while Winwin did the same. I turned back to Taeyong after that awkward encounter. “It’s fine. It’ll be a hassle for us to waste time to go somewhere else.” Taeyong shrugged and nodded his head, resuming to look at the question in front of him.
We were studying for quite some time and I started to feel my adrenaline to continue studying slowly disappearing. With my chin on the palm of my hand, I tried to close my eyes to let them rest for a moment while letting out a tired sigh. Suddenly, I felt Taeyong’s hand guiding my head to rest on his shoulder.
I moved my head around to try and find a comfortable position, which ended up with my head being buried in the crook of Taeyong’s neck. I sniffed the strong scent of his perfume that I oh so adore. “You always smell good.” I complimented.
Taeyong chuckled in response. “I’ll continue to smell good if it means that you’ll rest your head on me more.” I tilted my head up with my chin still resting on his shoulder as I looked up. Taeyong brought his head down to make eye contact with me, leaning in slowly and kissing my forehead ever so gently.
“Go sleep. You need some rest.” With a hand slowly snaking around my waist, I got comfortable with Taeyong’s embrace. Before I closed my eyes, I absentmindedly looked towards where Winwin was sitting. For some reason, he gave me a look of anger, with a tensed body and clenched fist on the table and eyes lit with fire. It disappeared almost instantly when Haeun called out to him, forcing him to look back at her with a wide grin.
What the fuck was she doing with Taeyong? When has she gotten so clingy with him? How are they that close in the span of a few months? Questions like these circled Winwin’s mind throughout the time he was at the study cafe with Haeun.
Oddly, he couldn’t get his eyes and mind off her and Taeyong. He observed their very move closely. He felt like raging every time Taeyong even placed a finger on her. You could imagine how Winwin felt when Taeyong had his arm around her waist and her head on his shoulder.
She said they were just friends. But Winwin couldn’t believe that claim at all. Friends are not so touchy like this, right? As much as he wanted to agree to that question, he couldn’t. Because that’s what he’s been doing with her as well. Being physically close while still being friends. He just never imagined she’d do it with someone else.
Winwin knew for a fact that what he was feeling was pure jealousy. It shocked him due to how mad he could get at this.
After his study session with Haeun, he went straight back home. Realising you weren’t there, he assumed you went out with Taeyong again. He rushed into his room and threw himself onto his bed, placing a pillow over his face and screaming into it.
Winwin threw the pillow beside him and huffed, looking up at the ceiling. Once again he was deep in thought as he stared at the ceiling. This time, he was fighting a war in his head as he tried his best not to admit his feelings. The pride he held to deny it. But he couldn’t hold on anymore. Allowing his wall to crumble down as he came face to face with his true feelings. He decided to call Yuta to ask for help.
The moment Yuta picked up the phone, Winwin said, “Okay you’re right. I can’t beat around the fucking bush anymore. I like her. I like her a lot. I denied my feelings for her because I didn’t want our friendship to be at risk. I only used Haeun to get over her but I can’t. She’s on my mind even though I’m with Haeun.”
It took awhile for him to hear an answer from the other end of the line, only silence and breathing could be heard till Yuta responded with a, “Tell her that once you get into college. Right now, she’s probably studying hard for the high school leaving examinations. It would be best to stay out of her way and focus on your studies.” With that, Yuta hung up.
Winwin was left with his thoughts, unable to sleep till three in the morning because all he could think about was her. Whatever Yuta said the other day now made sense. She’s liked him for so long but she never confessed. He realised how dumb and delusional he was to not see that someone liked him right under his nose but he didn’t know it, brushing it off like it meant nothing because he didn’t want to admit his feelings for her. Fuck his pride and delusional ass.
As the days of the exams are coming closer than ever, Winwin tried his best to stay focus and study to the best of his abilities. Though he still couldn’t get her off his mind. It wasn’t the main thing he thought about but it was always hidden in the folds of his thoughts. It sometimes made him malfunction a little as well.
“Sicheng are you serious?! This is basic shit I thought you know about this!” Yuta scolded as he tapped in pen on the table and pointed to the question that Winwin answered incorrectly. Yuta sighed and covered his eyes with a hand for a moment before turning to Winwin.
“You aren’t working right today. You good, bro?” Yuta asked with concern. Winwin frowned and ran a hand down his face. “Is it that bad?”
Yuta clicked his tongue and places his pen down, leaning against the table.
“You’re one of the smartest students. Your brain works like a computer, like clockwork. Yet you just can’t seem to think straight because you’re thinking of her, right?”
It took awhile for Winwin to answer before he nodded slowly and gulping. “I can’t do anytning about it now. I don’t want to disrupt her studies. It’s fucking killing me...” Winwin laid his head on the table and covered himself with his arms, earning a big smack in the back by Yuta that made him jolted back up.
“Let’s forget it for awhile. Stay focus. We need to get into college, alright? Come on, let’s get something to drink before continuing.”
A year later.
I finally made it through your high school leaving examination and got accepted into the college I signed up for. Surpringly, Taeyong made it as well. Despite us having different majors, we did share a common elective for History.
“Today’s class was fun.” I said sarcastically, waving my hands in the air lazily. Taeyong laughed and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Very.” He commented.
Today we decided to stay back and hang out in the music studio where the music majors use to record their singing etc. Taeyong promised me to play me one of the new songs he wrote.
The studio was located on the first floor of the campus and it was near the entrance as well. Basically the window of the studio showed fhe streets and people could walk by and see whoever’s inside. Well, only if they bent because the window is half the size of a regular one due to the studio being a little lower than ground floor.
We chilled in there for awhile. With me laying on Taeyong’s lap while the two of us were on our phones. I got bored of reading the news on twitter so I turned off my put and looked out at Taeyong. “Play your song now!” I whined. He immediately placed his phone away and looked down on me.
“Okay, okay chill!” Taeyong shouted out, leaning in to kiss my forehead. I got off his lap and allowed him to set up to play his new song.
He got inside the recording booth and told me to sit down and wear the headphones. I followed his instructions, though I was confused when he told me to press a button that would play the song but I got around that.
“Can you hear me?” Taeyong asked, placing his mouth near the microphone in front of him. I nodded and gave him a thumbs up, proceeding to press the button that would start the song.
The first few beats of the song already got my hyped up as I began to nod my head to the music while looking at Taeyong while a bright smile. He smiled back before starting to rap. I was intrigued instantly and started vibing to his voice.
As the continued on with the song, I couldn’t help myself but stand up to dance. He saw me dancing and looked to me while he sang into the microphone, starting to move to the beat as well.
I laughed happily as I started to make weird movements which triggered Taeyong to fall off his rhythm a little and laugh, picking up right where he left off soon after.
Absentmindedly, I glanced sideways to the window and saw a pair of legs facing towards the window. Like I said, since the studio was a little lower than ground floor, the window only showed a small portion of the streets.
To see a pair of legs there was weird. Whoever it was, they stayed there for quite some time since I didn’t see them leave until Taeyong finished the song.
Taeyong took off the headphones he had on and got out of the recording booth. “So how was that?”
I immediately ran up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him close and placing a warm peck on his lips. “Perfect as usual, Mister Lee Taeyong.” I ran a hand through his hair and giggled with glee.
Winwin’s POV.
I stood there as I heard her laugh. The unique signature laugh that I once used to hear everyday. The one that never failed to brighten my day no matter the situation. The familiarity of it brought me home, but at the same time it brought a different feeling. A hurtful one that made my heart ache. To know that the one that made her laugh wasn’t me.
I couldn’t stop regretting not telling her how I feel. I planned to tell her after the exams, but life moved too quickly for the two of us and we eventually went our separate ways. A year now has passed as I still held my feelings for her close to my heart. I understood how she felt now. Not being able to tell her how I feel for a whole year. How did she survive liking me with an additional two years.
I know I can’t have her back. She was able to let go of me and be together with someone that made her happy instead of the burden I made her go through. But at the very least, I hope to make her happy one last time before I disappear from her sight forever.
One night, I received a text from Winwin. Of course I still had his number because I didn’t see a reason to delete it. We naturally went our separate ways due to college and all. The text said to meet him at the big tree beside our high school. I found it odd. Considering how it was ten in the night. I figured maybe he needed someone to talk to in person.
“Sicheng!” I called out to him, waving my hand up in the air slightly. Winwin waved back as I took a seat next to him. “What’d you call me out here for? It’s pretty late as well.” I glanced at the time on my phone before looking to Winwin.
“I asked you to come because I have something to tell you.” Winwin said, looking down and fidgeting with his thumbs. I grew nervous as I didn’t know what to expect.
“Um... What is it?” I asked hesitantly, tilting my head slightly to look at his face that he hid by looking down.
After a moment of silence, he finally cleared his throat as looked up, staring deep into my eyes.
“I liked you.” He whispered.
Did I hear that correctly? I couldn’t have, right?
“I really did. I liked you.” Winwin repeated himself when he realised he didn’t get a reponse.
I gulped as I could only stare back in disbelief. The words I wanted to hear for years. Why did I feel different from the way I expected to react from it.
I sighed, licking my bottom lip. “It’s been so long, Sicheng. Saying it now... I don’t feel anything from it anymore.” I replied reluctantly.
“I know. I just felt the need to tell you. You’re happy with Taeyong. I understand that.”
Another moment of silence (longer silence this time) filled the air. The two of us looked up into the sky, getting lost in its darkness.
“Just wanted you to know that I did like you back in high school. I was just dumb to realise it myself.” Winwin added on with a soft laugh. The hurtful kind of laugh.
I punched him lightly in the arm, making him look at me with a surprised face. “You really were.” I whispered.
“I actually got a dance gig at America.”
I widened my eyes as my mouth gaped open slightly. “Really?!” I gasped. He nodded.
“It also meant that I’m moving to America in a few days.” Winwin glanced sideway before sighing.
I placed a hand on his back, rubbing it up and down slowly. “You’ll do great there. I’ll keep in contact.”
“I’m happy I get to tell you about my feelings and talk to you before I go.”
I reached my arms out and pulled him into a hug. I suddenly hear him sobbing into my shirt, damping it a little as his sobs were muffled. I brought my hand up to his hair, caressing it gently.
“I’m happy I got to love you for once in my life. Despite it being tiring, it did make me who I am today.”
#nct x reader#nct#nct 2020#nct imagines#nct 127#nct ff#nct fluff#nct imagine#nct scenarios#nct angst#winwin#nct winwin#nct dong sicheng#dong sicheng#winwin x reader#nct sicheng#sicheng x reader#winwin imagines#winwin scenarios#winwin angst#winwin fluff#sicheng fluff#sicheng au#sicheng angst
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I Forgot That You Existed : Chapter Seven
A/N: Chapter seven is here. An emotional roller coaster this took me some time. Hope you like this chapter. Feedback and suggestions are always welcome.
Pairing : Tom Holland × Singer reader
Summary : It's been more than five years since you and Tom have gone their own ways after a heartbreaking breakup which had left both of you shattered. Both of you thought that you were finally over with each other and were happy in your respective lives until you meet again at a reunion trip planned by your best friend and you realize you are still not done with each other.
Warnings : pregnancy, miscarriage, angst, molestation.
Mini Playlist : look what you made me do by taylor swift.
And the cat was out of the bag. All these years you have been hiding from the world and Tom that you had conceived. That you were pregnant with his child. Nobody knew about this except your parents, Zendaya, Harrison and Alex. The whole incident had mentally affected you very badly that you went into depression which luckily you were able to recover with the support of your family and friends.
Tom stood there frozen. Your words hit him like a rock. His face was blank, eyes wide in bewilderment.
You looked around to see everyone in a state of shock. You fought back your tears as you ran inside the house rubbing your eyes, shutting the door you collapsed on the floor wailing.
“Y/N!!” Zendaya and Harrison called out to you.
“Seriously Tom you are such a jerk.” Zendaya spat turning towards Tom then running inside to your aid. Chloe followed her.
Tom felt weak; he felt his legs would give away any minute. Harrison came up to him and put his hand on his shoulder.
“Did you know?” Tom asked weakly
“Tom listen we didn’t think that you will get to know this in such a circumstance” Harrison spoke trying to calm him down
“Don’t bullshit me Harrison!! Did you know about this?!” Tom demanded
“Yeah mate.”
“Why didn't you say anything to me?” Tom was fighting back his tears.
“I tried to tell you but you never listened. And after she lost the baby she made me promise to not tell anyone about this.”
Zendaya and Chloe kept knocking on your door.
“Y/N!! open up dear”
“It's only us Y/N don't do this to yourself.”
The door unlocked as you emerged from behind the door, your face all red, eyes puffy, tears trickling down your cheeks. Zendaya and Chloe got inside and hugged you, tears shimmered in your eyes. They made you sit on the bed and drink a glass of water.
“It's gonna be okay darling” Zendaya rubbed your back comforting you.
“I messed up everything Z” you sniffled
“No Y/N it was not your fault Tom pushed you. You were always trying to avoid any kind of conflict.” Chloe said
“And this thing had to come out some or the other day maybe this was the best time.” Zendaya said.
Six years ago you left London with a broken heart. It wasn’t easy for you to leave behind the person whom you loved with all your heart but little did you know that you were carrying a piece of him with you. After a month in NY your health went terrible; frequent mood swings, morning sickness and nausea was common. You first thought maybe the change of environment is taking a toll on you but when you missed your period you decided to see a gynaecologist. Though you were sure that you used protection the last time you and Tom had sex but you were not on birth control so you couldn't rule out the chances. And there you were one fine morning in the doctor’s chamber
“Hello Miss Y/L/N”
“Hello Dr Ivy”
“I have good news for you. Congratulations you are pregnant.” And your worst fear came true. You gave a tight lipped smile.
“Are you sure?” You asked. The doctor looked at you sceptically
“No I mean is it even possible? Because we used protection” you explained.
“Yes dear, your test reports came positive. And condoms are actually 98% effective sometimes it just happens due to many reasons like if it’s not worn properly or breaking of the material etc. I know you are young and it’s hard for you to make a decision of keeping the baby or not but that’s okay talk to your partner, it isn’t that late you are just six weeks into your pregnancy.”
“Thank you doctor” you gave a smile.
You didn't know what to do, you were just 21 and the whole pregnancy thing was freaking you out. The first person that came in your mind was Tom though you least expected that he would answer still there was a little bit of hope left in you. You tried to contact him but it was in vain. So you called your parents and Harrison to tell the news.
Your parents flew to NY in the earliest flight they could get.
“Honey did you tell Tom?” your mom asked
“He isn't answering me.”
“So have you decided what you’re going to do?” your dad asked
“I don’t know. I’m confused.”
“Jellybean you are too young for this you have a life and a career ahead. You can't nurture a baby and craft your career simultaneously.” Your dad tried to make you understand.
“We think you should go for an abortion.” your mom suggested
“But mom this is our baby. This is the only thing of Tom I have with me, I can’t do this to our baby.” You protested
“I know dear how much you love him, but are you sure he wants to be the father of this child? That is why take your time. It's not that late whatever you decide we are with you.”
Harrison came to visit you a week later. He lied to everyone back at home that he is going for some audition for a role. You were sitting on the couch head leaning on his shoulder. Harrison’s arm was wrapped around your shoulder.
“What are you gonna do Y/N?”
“I want to keep it Haz. This baby is all I have got of him.” You looked up to him.
“What do you want me to do?”
“I just want to know what Tom thinks about having a baby, ask him somehow, don't make it obvious though.”
“Okay”
Harrison called Tom as he put the phone on speaker for you to hear.
“Hey man what's up?”
“Yeah I'm good. How did the audition go?”
“Yeah it went pretty well”
“Nice”
“Umm Tom Y/N has been trying to talk to you why aren't you answering her?”
“Because I don't want to.”
“It can be something important.”
“What important things does she have to say after all this? That she’s so happy right now living her dream”
“I don't know but what if she's you know got pregnant. You guys were at it like rabbits before you guys broke up.” He forcefully chuckled.
“Whoa!! Dude, stop imagining such things. I'm not ready to have kids yet I have a bright career can't ruin that. And even if she's pregnant, I don't care.”
“ Okay Haz I have got some work to do, will talk to you later”
“Yeah mate will talk to you later” Harrison ended the call.
“Y/N?” Harrison said softly
“It's okay Haz I got my answer." You placed your hand on your stomach "This baby is mine, only mine. It doesn't need a father. I'll give all the love it deserves.” You sobbed. Harrison hugged you tight.
“It’s gonna be okay, we are all with you” he kissed your forehead comfortingly.
“Haz you have to promise me one thing in no means you are going to tell about this to anyone not even to Nikki. Promise this to me Harrison ”
“But Y/N is it right to hide from them about their grandchild. They would be thrilled to know about it. And maybe you and Tom can reconcile your differences.”
“Harrison you heard him say it clearly he doesn’t want to be a father. I know he will eventually agree if Nikki and Dom spoke to him. But I don’t want to force him into anything and act as a burden. And I don’t want anybody to pity me or my baby.”
“Okay as you wish” he sighed.
Your parents decided to stay with you until your due date. They couldn't leave you alone to deal with this whole pregnancy.
You finally started to adapt to the changes your body was going through. Your days were spent by writing songs and recording voice memos. Alex handled each and everything for you. You were in your third month now though there was no prominent bump visible. You had made a daily routine to caress your growing belly and talk to the little human growing inside you.
“Don't worry baby, mommy will always be there for you, she will never let any harm come to you. She will love you with everything she has.” You cooed
“Your daddy though he is not with us, he would have been over the moon to hear about you. He would have loved you so much. Always know your dad is the best.”
“I'm gonna name you Destiny because you are going to change my destiny”
But destiny had other things planned for you. One night you woke up with severe abdominal pain as you sat up to see blood stains on the sheets. You desperately called your parents; you were rushed to the hospital as soon as possible.
“Mr and Mrs Y/L/N?”
“Yes we are her parents doctor how is she? Is everything fine?”
“I'm sorry to say there has been excessive vaginal bleeding. We might not be able to save the baby.”
“Will our daughter be okay?”
“Yeah she'll be fine.”
After the procedure was complete your parents were allowed to meet you. You were sitting on the hospital bed, with a blank stare at your lap.
“Jellybean” your dad called you softly.
“Mom, dad I lost my baby too” you burst into tears seeing them.
“Honey it's gonna be okay. It wasn't your fault.” They hugged you trying to console you as you wailed.
All the boys were sitting in the living room as they quietly listened to Harrison. Tom’s eyes were wet.
“Man she was devastated and you deliberately hurt her. That year on Christmas when she came home I somehow persuaded her to tell you about this but after seeing you with a girl she didn’t want to bother you anymore. So she distanced herself from us to get rid of her pain.”
“Harrison I need to talk to her.” Tom got up and held on to Harrison’s hands.
“Tom calm down. I don't think she's ready to talk to you. It's better you leave her alone for tonight.”
“How can you tell me to calm down when I messed up really bad?! Haz I left her alone when she needed me. I hurt her in every possible way.” Tom was desperate
Meanwhile your phone buzzed it was none other Nikki facetiming you. Of course Harry must have informed them after your grand revelation. You looked at Zendaya and Chloe with fear in your eyes, your hands were shaking.
“You should take it.” Z said, Chloe nodded her head in affirmation.
You took a deep breath and received the call.
“Hey Nikki how are you?” You tried speaking cheerfully.
“We are fine honey. How are you doing dear?”
“I'm fine too.”
“Don't lie to us honey we know what happened.”
“I'm sorry" your voice broke as fresh tears rolled down your cheeks.
“No dear don't be sorry it wasn't your fault.”
“It was selfish of me to hide from you about your grandchild” you sniffled.
“We totally understand why you did that dear, you were hurt. Our son is an idiot but you could have told us peanut. We never saw you less than our daughter.” Dom said.
“I didn't want to bother Tom with the responsibility he didn't want so I had decided until the baby comes nobody has to know.” You sobbed
“We are sorry on behalf of our son we can't imagine what you have gone through dear.”
“Zendaya, Chloe please take care of her and get her some rest.” Nikki requested.
“Yeah sure Nikki.”
Zendaya and Chloe stayed with you for the night. Next morning as you came down the stairs you saw all the boys were waiting for you though Tom and El were missing.
“How are you?” Harrison asked as he hugged you.
“I’m good”
“Hey Y/N we are really sorry on behalf of Tom” Harry apologized
“It’s okay Harry I’m fine” you all came in for a giant hug.
Today Harrison dropped you at the rehearsal ground.
“I’ll come to take you by noon okay” he said while leaving
“Yeah okay bye”
Steve was nowhere to be seen around today. After the nasty fight you two had you had assumed this before only that he might not be interested in you anymore. You discussed with the musicians and chorus singers about the whole order you will sing your songs before starting the practise session.
It was around noon Harrison was about to get in the car to go and pick you up but Tom stopped him.
“Harrison, can I go to pick her up? I really need to talk to her alone” Tom almost begged
“Yeah, sure mate. Try your best.” He handed him the car keys. During the whole drive Tom rehearsed to himself of what he is going to say to you.
“Okay guys let's take it from the top for the one last time then we will wrap it up for today.” You directed. You turned around to see the face you were least interested to see at this moment not after what happened yesterday, your mood went off. Tom was standing in front of the stage, his hands in his pockets, eyebrows furrowed, sadness clouded his features You could tell he was nervous.
I don't like your little games
Don't like your tilted stage
The role you made me play
Of the fool, no, I don't like you
You gritted your teeth while singing.
I don't like your perfect crime
How you laugh when you lie
You said the gun was mine
Isn't cool, no, I don't like you (oh!)
You sang anger evident in your voice as you stared directly in his eyes.
But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time
Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time
I've got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined
I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!
Tom could understand by the tone of your voice that you were mad at seeing him.
Ooh, look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you just made me do
Look what you just made me
Ooh, look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you just made me do
Look what you just made me do
I don't like your kingdom keys
They once belonged to me
You ask me for a place to sleep
Locked me out and threw a feast (what!?)
If words could slap a person this song of yours was perfect to do the job.
The world moves on, another day, another drama, drama
But not for me, not for me, all I think about is karma
And then the world moves on, but one thing's for sure (sure)
Maybe I got mine, but you'll all get yours
Emphasizing on your words you gave a cold glare as your grip on the microphone tightened.
But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time (nick of time)
Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time (I do it all the time)
I've got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined
I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!
You moved around the stage practicing your little dance moves.
Ooh, look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you just made me do
Look what you just made me
I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me
I'll be the actress starring in your bad dreams
I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me
I'll be the actress starring in your bad dreams
I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me
I'll be the actress starring in your bad dreams
You continued singing.
“Okay guys well done, let's wrap it up for today.” You packed your stuff and went down the stage. Tom walked up to you.
“I thought Haz was coming to pick me up.”
“He had some other things to do.”
You hummed as you quietly went and sat on the passenger seat. Tom drove the car as you looked outside the window. Tom broke the silence
“Y/N I'm..” You cut him off
“Listen Tom if you are going to gloat about last night please don't I'm in no mood for it. Just take me back home. I'm tired.”
After sometime Tom stopped the car at a place. You recognised the place it was near the cliff.
“Why did we stop?”
“Y/N can we talk? Please.” He begged
"No I don't want to talk" you said sternly
Tom got out of the car and went to your side to open the door. You looked straight crossing your arms.
"Y/N for God's sake please talk to me" Tom pleaded. You looked at him annoyed.
“You don’t wanna go? Fine! I can walk myself home anyways it's around 10 mins from here” you grabbed your bag and got out of the car. Tom quickly went and stood in front of you blocking your path.
“Tom move let me go”
“No I'm not letting you go until you talk to me”
“There's nothing more to talk about. And I guess Harrison has told you everything.”
“No, I just want to listen to everything from you.”
“What more do you want to hear Tom?”
“We had sex, I wasn't on birth control, condoms are 98% effective and we were the 2% unlucky people so I got pregnant, I tried to reach out to you but you wouldn't answer so I decided to raise my baby myself but I lost my baby.”
“Y/N.. we lost the baby.” Tom corrected you.
“We?? Tom you literally just gave a sperm and after so many years there's no need to acknowledge your paternity as the baby never got to see the daylight. Besides you didn't even want to be a father.”
“Y/N I was angry I didn't actually mean that, I would never do that to you. I would have loved to be a dad to your baby, our baby. That is the life I had always dreamt for us. You, me and our little family.”
“You should be happy right now because whatever you said turned out to be true I really ended up alone, all alone.” You said.
“No you are misunderstanding me Y/N.”
“It's okay Tom that ship has sailed and drowned a long time ago. I finally feel relieved that you got to know about our unborn child.”
“Please Y/N, please give me a chance I will make things right.”
“There's nothing you can do now Tom so just try to get over it as I did.”
“Yes I can, we can start over, just you and me. I'll leave El, call off the wedding.”
“Tom! Do you even know what you are saying?” your eyes went wide.
“Yes you hurt me but I am not going to let you hurt El. At least I don't want to be the reason she gets hurt. She's such a nice girl who's always by your side no matter what, she loves you blindly. And you said you loved her too. She doesn't deserve this.”
“No Y/N it was always you, it has always been you.”
“It’s your guilt that is speaking Tom, you and I know very well that we can never be together, not in this lifetime at least.” Tom hung his head defeated.
“I have no grudges against you Tom. I forgave you a long time ago.”
Tom didn’t say anything more as you both silently got up in the car. El saw you both together as you entered the house. You went to your respective rooms. You laid down on the bed closing your eyes, your legs dangling on the edge as you heard El and Tom arguing. You sat up as you heard El yelling.
“Really Tom?! After everything that happened last night you want me to believe that there is nothing going on between you two.”
“Why don't you admit that your old feelings have resurfaced again? Now even more after knowing that she was carrying your child.”
You felt bad that they were fighting because of you. You couldn't resist yourself so you went to their room. You knocked before entering their room.
“Sorry to interrupt I know it's your personal matter but El I want to assure you there is nothing going on between us.”
“Oh Y/N can you please stop acting now? I really thought you were a good person but guess what you turned out to be a two faced bitch. I should have known that day only when I saw you both dancing so intimately, I let it go thinking you were best friends so it's okay but the night after he returned from the carnival I felt you, your fragrance lingering all over him, I still didn’t want to believe it but yesterday you both cleared my doubts. How far have you two gone by the way? Did you guys fuck? Planning another baby?” El ranted.
“El you can't talk to her like that.” Tom protested.
“Oh yeah now it hurts you. Tom, you were the one who was being literally rude to her all this time. What caused the change of mind? Is it because she was going to be your child's mother or long lost desire for each other?”
You swallowed each and every accusation El gave you thinking you deserved it. If it were somebody else you would have hit the person on the face by now because no one has the right to talk about you or your unborn baby like this. Your eyes were filled with tears. You mustered all courage as you spoke.
“El I just want to say I'm sorry. Please try to bear with me for the next few days. I promise you that I will be gone for good from your lives this time. You will never have to see me again in your life.”
You left the room wiping your tears.
“Seriously El how can you be so insensitive towards her?! She has already gone through a lot for me; don't add up to her miseries.” Tom turned around to leave.
“Where are you going now?”
“To say sorry to her for what you did.”
“I'm going for a drink in the nearby pub.” You said to Zendaya as you came down the stairs.
“I can come with you” she offered
“No it’s fine I’ll take a cab” You left hurriedly
“Hey where is Y/N?” Tom ran down the stairs panting.
“She went to the pub. Why?” Zendaya informed confusion in her eyes.
“Uh El blasted off at her and she went away all upset. I need to apologise to her.”
“Seriously you guys are keeping us on our toes. Can we have a normal day where nobody is crying or fighting?!” Harry scoffed.
Tom took the car keys and ran out to go to the pub. You were sitting in a secluded booth at the corner of the pub sipping on your drink looking out the window.
“Hey Y/N” you turned your gaze to find Steve.
“Oh hi Steve”
“May I sit?”
“Yeah sure”
He slid into the booth beside you.
“Didn't see you during the rehearsal.”
“I was a little tired today.” He ordered his drink shifting himself a little more closer to you.
“So how are you?” He placed his hand on your knee, you felt a little uncomfortable but decided to ignore.
“I’m fine” You felt his hand slowly move higher under your dress.You panicked.
“Steve what are you doing?!” you grabbed his hand to stop whatever he was trying to do.
"You know all this while I really thought you were an innocent, good girl type. So I was taking my time with you. But who knew you were such a little slut.” Steve drew his finger through your jawline
“What the hell Steve back off!!” you pushed him hard.
“Oh c’mon darling I know how much of a whore you are” Steve gripped on to your thigh and cornered you to the side of the seat
“How dare you?!!” In no time your hand went on to his cheek giving him a tight slap.
“You bitch! Now I am gonna show you what sluts like you deserve.” he grasped your hand and forcefully pulled you out of the booth.
“Leave my hand you bastard!! leave me!!” you struggled to free yourself.
“Hey hands off her you asshole!!.” Tom growled, you had to admit that you were never this happy to see Tom in your life.
“Oh well, well, look who is here, the lover boy who had knocked you up pretty well." Steve gave a cocky grin.
Tom was raging with anger, he clenched his fists.
“Don't worry dude I'm gonna treat her really good tonight, you know if you wanna join I don't mind at all”
Tom lifted his hand as he punched Steve’s face hitting right at his jaw. Steve fell flat on his face.
“Stay away from her you piece of shit or the next time you wouldn’t be alive to put your dirty hands on any girl” Tom threatened.
You were shivering in fear, pupils dilated as you looked at Steve groaning on the floor. Tom rushed to you. He cupped your face. You looked at him with wide eyes.
“Y/N, are you okay?? I'm here now, don't worry love.” Your vision went blurry.
“Y/N!!!” Tom shrieked.
You fainted in Tom's arms.
...............................................................................
Taglist : To be added send me an ask I’ll be happy to add you in the following chapters.
@sleepybesson @sophs-library @spideyparkerstark @itstaskeen @milli86 @biebsmylife95 @quaksonhehe @hannahholland1811 @awhollandx @joyleenl @greatpizzascissorstaco @tomhollandsotherpinkytoe @jjandreidsgirl @brighterthanthesunx @marvelpeters @panicattheeverywherekid @onewithnomightypowers @itsnotmeh24 @bitchinwpei @astridcomming @quacksonobrien @prkrholland
#tom holland#tom holland imagines#tom holland imagine#tom holland smut#tom holland fluff#tom holland x reader#tom holland x y/n#tom holland angst#zendaya#haz osterfield#taylor swift
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Well, Hello There Stranger - Part 2
Pairing: Dean x Reader (established relationship)
Summary: Sam informs you that Dean’s suffering from temporary memory loss and has forgotten you. Yet, when you meet your boyfriend, it isn’t the cold eyes of a stranger that meets yours.
Triggers: Memory Loss, but mainly just fluff
Y/N = Your name | Y/H/C = Your eye colour
Read Part 1 Here
---
“Hey Sammy, I was just remembering that time you…”
Dean was sitting on the bed, looking perfectly healthy as he turned with sparkling green eyes to throw a mischievous grin at his brother. The smile dropping slightly, together with the rest of his sentence, as his eyes focused on you instead of the brother he’d been expecting. Any other day, that smile would have been growing warmer, brighter, instead of fading away once his eyes met yours.
As memories of past smiles, ones that the hunter couldn’t remember, hit you, you had to dig your nails into your palm to keep from crying. Dean was the one suffering. Your tears wouldn’t help. Looking down at the ratty motel room carpet, you willed your tears to stay back. Promising them that you’d willingly let them soak your tattered soul, as long as they didn’t hurt your heart. Because that was what Dean Winchester was to you, your heart.
Yet, as you finally got the traitorous tears under control and looked up again, what met you wasn’t the fallen smile of a man confused by a stranger. Nor the empty eyes you’d expected him to have when looking at someone he had no connection to; like glancing at a passing stranger on the street.
No. It was something completely different.
His green eyes were wide and fully focused on you, instead of going to find Sammy behind you. And as you watched, frozen in place, a careful smile grew on silent full lips. His eyes brightening as he saw you, really saw you for the first time. Well… First time for him at least. The intangible warmth of his eyes on you was like an electric current. Waking up all your nerves from your numb pain as it sent waves of little pleasant pinpricks of heat through your body and into your heart.
Dean was looking at you. And not like you were just another stranger. He was looking at you like you were precious, important. Like he’d been lost until he found you. Dean Winchester was smiling at you, a warm smile filled with reverence and relief. Eyes wide in wonder, as if he’d just discovered some long sought out secret truth. As if you’d just shared the meaning of life with the man, by simply walking through a door.
Like you were still the meaning of his life.
You held your breath, unable to speak or even move further into the room. Frozen by the high voltage of Dean that was coursing through your body. Until Sam’s hand on your shoulder acted like your grounding, finally snapping you out of it as your eyes moved from the man in front of you to throw a sheepish nod hello in Castiel’s direction. Your muddled mind finally realising it wasn’t just Dean and you in the room. Pulling you back to earth from where you’d been momentarily lost in the endless shades of the emerald galaxy that was his brightly sparkling eyes.
“Dean, this is… Uh,” Sam’s voice came from behind you, his eyes going to you. A silent question lingering in them as he waited for you to introduce yourself.
However, before you could get a word out, Dean had jumped off the bed and, stumbling slightly over his feet, made it over to where you were standing. Clearly choosing to ignore his brother’s half-finished introduction as he grinned at you.
“Whoa, hey there,” Dean's voice was low and warm as he smiled in that way that made his soft eyes shine brighter, the heat from them burning into yours. That bright boyish smile coupled with the way his eyes crinkled at the corners easily doing dirty things to your mind and creating innocent girly butterflies in your stomach simultaneously. As if the entirety of your love story was flashing in front of your eyes, from innocent first crush to heated whispers shared among tangled sheets. The way he was looking at you, and that small wink that followed his words was threatening to tease a laugh out of you as you realised what was happening.
He wasn’t… Was he?
“Please tell me I know you too... Or at least that you’d like to get to know me,” Dean’s voice dropped a little lower as he murmured the words at you. Like a goddamn Casanova with amnesia. Yeah, that sealed the deal.
Dean Winchester, the cute dork, was flirting with you.
For a second you struggled between laughter and tears. The heartbreak that never came to fruition forcing you onto a roller-coaster of emotion as the adorable man in front of you waited, eyes hopeful where they focused on you. Your mind and body struggling to keep up with the quick shift as your heart went from numb to pounding and euphoria drowned your sorrows in giddy, girlish glee.
“You know me Dean,” You finally managed to push the words out with a roll of your thankfully still dry eyes and a soft smile, as you tried, and failed, at suppressing the blush that always betrayed how you felt for the hunter. Former thoughts of pained heartbreak fading away into nothing, as the beautiful man in front of you chased all the shadows away with his brightness. Hell, even not knowing who you were, Dean was still flirting with you, still smiling at you.
Of course. You should never have doubted your strong, stubborn soldier. Never doubted all the whispers of forever that he peppered your hair with whenever you were wrapped in his strong arms. Dean Winchester loved you. He was simply lost and trying to find the way back to you. Back home.
“I do? Lucky me,” The man in front of you looked younger as he beamed at you with boyish glee. Your eyes, perceptive after years of hunting, not missing the way he not-so-sneakily pumped his fist by his side in a childish display of victory.
His eyes were filled with wonder. Innocent and untainted by doubt as he realised, somewhere deep down, that he really did know you. Though he couldn’t remember you just yet. The bright smile only softened into something more provocative once they tore themselves away from your own goofy smile to take in the rest of you. Clearly the hunter had been as lost in your eyes as you’d been in his, if the lingering look that ghosted over your body was anything to go by. Like he was finally seeing all of you.
“Hey…” Dean sounded slightly breathless as he let his eyes linger on the shape of you. His tongue rolling over his bottom lip when he finally managed to tear his eyes off your body to look up at you throw slightly hooded eyes again. “Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?”
As the slightly corny pickup line left your momentarily forgetful boyfriend you couldn’t stop the surprised whisper of a chuckle that left you. The line just solidified that this really was your adorable dofus of a hunter.
No doubt about it. Dean Winchester was definitely flirting with you.
“My name is (Y/N), but you can call me tonight,” You shot back with a wink, easily playing his game right back at him. Just like you’d done countless times to the mix of mirth and exasperation from your friends and family.
In front of you, Dean’s viridescent eyes widened in surprised glee at your reply. His smile, if possible, beaming even brighter as he looked from you to Sam and back again. The unadulterated elation on his face nearly too much for your little heart to handle as the muscle was left to work overtime in your chest in a vain attempt to keep up. You bit your lip to keep from laughing out loud as every nerve in your body was tingling. Like you were drunk on his dorky endearing smile.
“Damn, Sammy! This girl’s awesome!” Dean, however, didn’t bother holding back his happy laughter as he looked over at Sam. Following his eyes to his brother, you turned to catch Sam’s eyes as well.
Watching the big guy suppress a laugh at the way his brother was acting. As the youngest Winchester’s eyes met with yours, wide in surprise and laughter, he silently asked, no, begged you, to keep this going for a while. To not let the cat out of the bag about who you were.
At least until the older hunter calmed down.
For Sam Winchester, it was just a way to get a laugh in at his older brother’s expense. For you however, it was a much more selfish thought that slipped into your mind once your eyes strayed from Sam and back to Dean.
The oldest hunter was just so damn adorable. And you couldn’t help but fall in love with him once more as he met you for the first time all over again. A little while wouldn’t hurt, plus, you had to break it to him gently. At least that’s how you justified it, as you allowed yourself just a bit longer to get drunk on the bubbly, tingly feelings this slightly forgetful and very cute version of your boyfriend was steadily supplying you with.
“I’m just answering back in-kind Winchester,” You spoke up instead of Sam, raising an eyebrow as you challenged the hunter head on. Yet, you couldn’t help but just smile warmly at the man in front of you as he turned his full attention back towards you. Missing memories or no, this was your Dean.
“Awesome,” Dean’s voice was low and awed when he finally found it again. His eyes fully back on you after momentarily focusing on his brother. The crooked smile that followed the single words tugging at your heartstrings just as Dean reached out and grabbed your hand, gently pulling at it to bring you further into the bright motel room.
“Sammy probably told you already, but I kinda lost my memory. Though I can’t for the life of me understand how I could ever forget about someone as…” Dean took a generous pause between words to drink you in once more, now that you were fully framed by the lights of the motel room. “... breath-taking, as you,” He finished, the breathless way the words left the hunter acting as evidence to back up his own words.
“You’ll remember everything soon Dean,” You said with a small sad smile as you watched the hunter in front of you. For a second you considered just coming out and telling him who you were. But before you could find the correct words to introduce yourself as his girlfriend, Dean spoke up again.
“I can’t wait that long. I need to know everything about you, right now,” The impatience shone through the raw look in his eyes as he watched you. Greedily etching every detail of you into his mind as he did.
“What’s your favourite song? Who’s better, Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd? Oh! Have you met Baby?” The rapid-fire questions caught you unawares as your eyes widened in barely suppressed laughter at the choice of questions from the hunter.
You’d expected him to ask who he was to you right off the bat. But instead the hunter decided to find pleasure in getting to know you the old-fashioned way. Well… Slightly more rambled, you realised as the big man was eagerly waiting for your answers.
“Whoa there Winchester, let a girl grab a beer first before you start with the interrogation,” You chuckled, slipping your hand from his to walk over to the small motel kitchen and root through the fridge. Using the moment and added space to relearn how to breathe again, as Dean kept stealing yours away whenever you looked at him.
Yeah, there was no way your heart would survive the constant roller-coaster of Dean’s attention if you didn’t have something to drink first. Casting a quick look behind you, you noticed Cas and Sam quietly following you. Both boys only threw you a quick smile and glance, eyes brimming with laughter, your way before sinking down into the kitchen seats. Silently giving Dean and you a little bit of privacy by staying in the small kitchen nook at the other end of the room.
Letting your eyes slide past the two boys with a grateful smile you leaned down to grab an armful of beers from the fridge. Depositing a few on the table between two of your best friends in the entire world before heading back to the man that was your world. Two bottles in your hands as his eyes met yours, soft and warm with joy at your return. Like you hadn’t just been gone for a minute at most.
“So, which question was first again?” You smiled as you handed him the beer, sinking down on the edge of the bed and patting the space next to you. “Favourite song was it? Totally ‘Ramble On’,” You grinned, knowing the reaction that was coming before Dean even caught your words. Since it would be the same as the first time he realised you had so much in common.
“No way! That’s one of my favourites too,” The big dork grinned at you, touching the neck of his bottle to yours in a shared solidarity of good music and even better company. Still smiling as he raised the bottle to his lips.
---
For a while it was just a back and forth interrogation. As the hunter asked about your likes and dislikes, or other little things about you. Never going too deep into the core of your relationship. And as you watched his big hand tear at the bottle label, you finally realised why.
Dean Winchester was nervous.
He was afraid of what he’d learn was actually between you once he got around to it. Unwilling to risk facing rejection in case you turned out to be just a hunting buddy. And he clearly wasn’t fully ready to go there just yet.
So instead, you let him ask his questions. The butterflies in your stomach having a field day as you let them fly free every time Dean rewarded your words with a happy sigh and a goofy smile. Your boyfriend was slowly but surely getting to know you again as you shared little superficial tidbits with him, each of which was always greeted with happy smiles or surprised laughs.
“Wow (Y/N)... You’re my dream girl,” Dean said with another happy sigh when there was finally a break in the constant stream of questions. “I just wish I could remember…” He grimaced a little; worry tainting his own eyes as he looked over at you.
“Are you… Alright?” You asked, heart squeezing painfully at the unease on his features. Only realising that the worry painting his eyes a much darker green was a direct reaction to the pain in your own when you allowed yourself to fully feel it a millisecond after the question left you. Dean’s hand gently reached out, holding onto your hand as his eyes focused on yours. Putting all his energy into showing you the sincerity of his whispered words.
“I’m awesome. Even better now that you’re here in fact. My memory’s coming back slowly, and…”
As the soft smile reached your lips from the little hint of flirting he’d attempted to sneak in there, his own eyes brightened easily again. A slight mischievous edge to the upturned full lips. Clearly he’d decided to shift the topic back to happier things, to keep you smiling. Just like he always used to do when you were stuck in your own shadows of nightmares and bad hunts.
“Hey… So, I just relearned a ton of shit. Like, the fact that there’s angels,” Dean started back up again. His words were innocent enough, though you knew this was going somewhere, simply by the glint in his green eyes. Yet, you let it happen. Knowing the cheesy line would make you roll your eyes but finding the hunter too cute to care.
“So, are you an angel? ‘Cause… Hell, you’re so beautiful I forgot my pickup line,”
The mixed-up line and little jab at his own temporary memory loss caught you off guard, and you couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled out of you. You laughed out loud, not just a chuckle or a breathy imitation of a laugh. For the first time since you heard about Dean’s accident from Sam, you properly laughed.
The way only Dean could make you laugh.
“Wow that laugh…” Dean whispered the words after nearly a minute of silence broken only by your soft laughter. His eyes wide with wonder and a careful warm smile of his own. The pure joy in his eyes making it seem as if you'd just performed a miracle, instead of just laughing with the man you loved.
“Hey, (Y/N)... How can I make you laugh again?”
“Why?” You said, the last remains of laughter still in your voice as you leaned your head a little to the side, throwing him a quizzical look.
“‘Cause that right there’s the most beautiful sound in the world,” His words were awed and honest when he finally found the breath to whisper them into the small space between you where you were seated on the edge of the motel bed. Hidden from Sammy, Cas and the rest of the world. These words were just for you.
The innocent and pure honesty in the awed whispers leaving your adorable amnesiac boyfriend squeezed at your heart as you blushed. Taking a second to find your voice again as you felt as if you’d somehow left your own body. Floating just by the ceiling in a soft bubble of Dean’s gentle, careful love and adoration.
“You, Dean Winchester, are a flirt,” Was all you managed to say when you finally found your voice again. Your hand going up to your cheek, in hopes of calming the furious heat from your blushing. Damn it, you felt like you were back in school. Going through puppy love all over again. With your boyfriend of two years to boot.
“I’m not flirting… I promise! I’m just genuinely captivated by you,” Dean’s voice was just slightly louder than the previous low whisper as he lifted your hand off of your cheek, only to replace it with his softly shaking fingers. The way he touched you felt like a million fireworks and like the definition of pure love. Easily teasing some unwanted tears out of your eyes that you assured him were happy ones with a silent shaky smile.
“Hell, maybe it’s just me being a little too hopeful. But the way I feel…” He continued, gently wiping at your tears. His voice breaking over the words as he kept his soft eyes on you. Their warmth only shaken by the same nervousness you could feel in his touch and hear in his voice as the bravest man you ever met finally asked you the question that had been hanging in the air between you the whole evening.
“Please tell me that there’s something here. Something that I’ve forgotten,” Dean’s voice was thick with emotion as he finally found the words. Forming them like a prayer to you, instead of a question. A wish upon one of the million stars he seemed to be discovering in your tear stained eyes.
“‘Cause this is real, I know it. My palms are all warm, my heart’s in my throat and I can’t stop smiling. Hell, I’ve never felt this way before, but I know it’s real. Well… I don’t remember feeling this way at least,” The final words were followed by a breathless chuckle and light playful commentary of his own situation, teasing another teary smile out of you as he brushed your (Y/H/C) hair out of your eyes.
Yet there was nothing but honesty in them. Hell, you could feel it. His shaky hand, tracing the shape of your jaw as if he was colouring in a masterpiece, filling you with his colours. The warmth of his smile, setting every nerve in your body on fire. Both showing you how he felt, more than what words ever could.
“It’s just… I can’t explain it, but when I look at you, I feel like I’m home,” It was your turn to reach a shaking hand up, gently wiping away the tears making green eyes swim. His own words pushing the hunter over some unseen edge and making the tears flow silently over his cheeks. But there was no pain there, no sadness. Just love.
Your beautiful soldier, the man with a bigger heart than anyone else, was crying because he had no other outlet for the feelings that were overflowing in his heart. And, as you wiped away another tear, lost in his overflowing eyes, like looking at the reflection of a forest through ripples in a lake, you felt your own tears spill over again. Just as much out of love as those of the man in front of you.
Taking a shaky breath, you gave your hunter a weak smile as you leaned in. Letting your forehead touch his and making sure the words stayed just between the two of you. Your heart racing and hands shaking with giddy nervousness. Just like it’d been nearly two years ago.
Even after two years of endless ‘I love yous’ and sweet whispered words, you were surprised you were still as shy as you were back when you first confessed your feelings to the hunter. But, looking at the wordless confession that was spilling from his eyes in the shape of tears, you found the courage to repeat your words. Words that would forever be tattooed on your heart and soul. Curses or memory loss be damned.
“I love you Dean. You’re my heart, my home and my light at the end of every tunnel,” You whispered into the small sliver of air between the two of you. Your smile echoed his as you watched the hunter react to your words, finding new hope in them even as you spoke.
“I loved you the first time you yelled at me for taking stupid risks at a hunt. I loved you even more when you let me into your inner world. And I’ve loved you more and more each and every day, since you became my boyfriend two years ago,” Your voice was shaking as you shared a piece of your heart with the man in front of you, the only one you ever really wanted to make memories with.
The effect was instant.
Your confession was rewarded with a wide-eyed smile, filled with wonder. Green eyes brightening, the same way they had back when you’d shared your heart with him for the first time, two years earlier. Not willing to take his eyes of yours; his shaking hand clumsily sought out yours on the cool sheets as the careful smile grew bright enough to blind you.
“Boyfriend. I’m your boyfriend. So that means you’re… You’re my girlfriend? Wow, just… Really? Wow,” Dean’s words were barely audible as he spoke in a hushed, awed whisper. Happy, relieved laughter bubbling through the man as your words fully sank in. Already forming new memories together before the old ones had even found their way back to him.
“Damn... I’m one hell of a lucky guy,” He added, the smile widening as he lifted his forehead from yours, replacing it with a timid careful kiss before he turned on the bed. Hand still holding onto yours. Clearly ready to shout the happy news to the world as his elated laugh made your two friends jump and turn towards the two of you.
“Hey! Did you hear that Sammy? (Y/N) said she’s mine!”
----
Tags:
Dean Winchester Tags: @ria132love @woodworthti666 @defenderrosetyler
All Story Tags: @deanwanddamons @winchest09 @hobby27
Well, Hello There Stranger Tag: @feelmyroarrrr
#Tales89Writes#dean x reader#dean winchester#deanwinchester#dean winchester x reader#dean memory loss#dean amnesia#dean fluff#dean winchester fluff#dean winchester happy ending#dean winchester fluffy#dean winchester fanfiction#dean fluffy#dean winchester fanfic#flirty!dean#dean x you#dean winchester x you#dean winchester x y/n#dean winchester x female reader#dean Winchester amnesia#Dean Winchester memory loss#dean x y/n#supernatural fluff#spn fluff#fanfic fluff#dean x female reader#fluff dean fiction#dean winchester forgetting#amnesia#memory loss
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A Palette Full of You (3)
Summary:
Glimpses into Colette and Lloyd’s lives as they grow up together, learn who they are, and fall in love with each other.
(Written for Colloyd Week 2021)
Fandom: Tales of Symphonia
Characters: Colette Brunel, Lloyd Irving, Sheena Fujibayashi, Zelos Wilder
Relationships: Colette Brunel/Lloyd Irving, Colette Brunel & Lloyd Irving & Sheena Fujibayashi & Zelos Wilder
Rating: G
Chapter: 3 of 6
Word Count: 6896
Mirror Link: AO3
Original Post Date: 11/06/2021
Chapter Title: Race Into the Night
Chapter Summary:
Lloyd, Colette, Zelos and Sheena visit the carnival to have a night of fun after the end of exams. Lloyd and Colette end up riding the Ferris wheel alone, where...
(Colloyd Week Day 3: Confession/First Kiss)
Notes:
Chapter 3 of my multi chapter Colloyd week fic! Featuring much fluff and sap. Zelos is non-binary in this and uses they/them pronouns.
Chapter title from Yoasobi's song.
Chapter list
Full fic
Previous chapter
Next chapter
~~~
18-years-old
"There is no way I'm ever going on that thing. You can't make me."
"Come on, you promised that if I scored better than you at darts you would ride the Riptide with me! Gonna go back on your word now, Sheena?"
"Stop smirking at me, Zelos! You clearly cheated! That game was rigged!"
"All carnival games are rigged. That's common knowledge."
"I don't care. You still cheated!"
"Cheated how? You were watching me the whole time!"
Colette giggled, watching her two friends have a go at each other as they inched closer to each other with each word they spoke. All three of them were leaning against the cold metal railing, though Colette was careful to keep a safe distance from Zelos and Sheena. When they were engrossed in arguing with each other, there was a safe zone, and a not-safe zone where one was liable to get smacked by a wildly gesturing arm or two.
Surrounding them were various stalls staffed by people who were enthusiastically calling out to potential customers, hoping to receive more coupons in the final hour before the carnival closed. There were pop-up game stalls featuring the classics like ring toss and soccer, food stands selling carnival staples like candy floss and popcorn, and even thrill rides like the aforementioned Riptide, a roller coaster that paled in comparison to USS' coasters but certainly had the most twists and turns of anything offered at the carnival. Adorning everything was bright neon lights and colourful decorations, and noise came from every angle, lending to a cheery atmosphere that could get a tad overwhelming at times.
Despite the late hour of 9 pm, there was still quite a crowd - mostly consisting of young adults like them, the majority of families having gone home for the night. She had bumped into quite a few classmates in the past three hours, who had come here with the same idea of having a fun night out with friends after the end of A-levels. A lot of pictures had been taken, until her cheeks hurt a bit from smiling so much, but it had been great fun.
She, Lloyd, Zelos and Sheena had managed to visit almost every booth, using up all of the coupons that they were sharing amongst each other. But even with their combined efforts, they had only managed to win one prize: the adorable Siberian Husky plush she was currently hugging. Though they'd certainly snacked on their share of popcorn, sharing one large carton between the four of them until their fingers were sticky with kernels.
"Colette, back me up!" Sheena begged, turning to face Colette. Despite the biting words that were leaving her mouth, her true emotions were betrayed by the smile playing at the corner of her lips. Sheena's hair was tied up into her trademark high ponytail, the ends of her hair swaying slightly in the weak wind.
"What, me?" Colette exclaimed, rather surprised she was being pulled into the conversation. Zelos and Sheena tended to retreat into their own world whenever they got into this state, forgetting anyone else existed.
"Uh, well..." Colette muttered, sheepishly smiling. "Sorry to disappoint, Sheena, but I have to give this one to Zelos."
"See? Even Colette agrees!" Zelos placed their elbow on the railing, leaning closer to Sheena, smirking.
Sheena didn't even spare Zelos a look, just shoved their face away with a hand, ignoring Zelos' sputters of protest. "How could you, Colette? How could you side with the idiot?" Sheena cried in mock betrayal.
"Well, I and Lloyd were both there, and we both saw Zelos win fair and square. And a deal's a deal," Colette replied, shrugging. Zelos did seem more insistent than usual, but she couldn't discern why.
"Just think of it as a date!" Zelos waved a nonchalant arm in the air, that smirk never fading as they took hold of Sheena's arm.
"Screaming in abject terror is not my idea of a date," Sheena hissed through gritted teeth, though she didn't free herself from Zelos' hold. "Besides, we're supposed to ride the Ferris wheel together once Lloyd comes back!"
"Eh, we won't make it before the carnival closes if we catch the Ferris wheel. Don't worry, I'll treat you to ice cream afterwards! And if that isn't enough to appease you, surely some Ajisen will." Zelos turned to Colette and winked, leaving Colette utterly confused. Was there an underlying meaning to all of this she was supposed to be catching?
"If you drag me on that damn thing, Zelos Wilder, I swear I will never forgive - GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! STOP!" Sheena shrieked as Zelos began to drag her by brute force towards the snaking queue of the Riptide. Colette gaped, watching Sheena struggle wildly, digging her feet into the ground and hurling curses that got steadily fouler at Zelos, who didn't seem to be affected at all.
"I'm back with the drinks!" Lloyd's happy voice came from behind her as he walked up to her, holding two cups with steam venting from their tops, hair adorably ruffled from the day's hectic events, woefully unaware of everything that had occurred in the time he was gone. "Wait, what's... Happening...?" he asked, only now spotting the gradually diminishing silhouettes of Zelos and Sheena.
"I... Uh, Zelos and Sheena are going to ride the Riptide," Colette said, explaining the situation as succinctly as she could. How else could she word it, anyway? There was no explaining the antics of those two.
"Alright." Lloyd shrugged, accepted her explanation and passing one cup over to her. She pushed the plushy into the crook of her elbow, freeing up a hand to accept the cup and still managing to almost drop it. She closed her fingers around the plastic cup, soaking in the warmth it emanated.
"It's hot chocolate," Lloyd explained between gulps as he practically downed the whole cup in half a minute. "They're out of hot milo. Sorry."
"It's alright. Any hot drink would have done." Colette finally took a sip, feeling the sting from the heat and sticking out her tongue.
"Should we wait for them to come back or go queue for the Ferris wheel?"
Colette sighed. "We should just go. The queue for the Riptide is really long... They know to meet up back at the MRT at 10."
The original plan was to take a group photo at the peak of the revolution of the Ferris wheel, but that didn't look like it was going to happen now.
So it would just be her and Lloyd riding the Ferris wheel. An activity that could be seen as romantic. The pamphlet for the carnival had even advertised it as a ride of love. When they'd walked past it just now, she'd seen that the Ferris wheel was decked out with a ton of wire hearts that lit up in multiple colours.
It was just ten minutes. It would be over in the blink of an eye! Totally!
"Then, let's go," Lloyd said, grabbing her hand and giving her a minute heart attack, causing her bravado to crumble into dust.
Nope. There was no way this could end well.
The two of them joined the short queue for the Ferris wheel, having thrown their empty cups into a nearby dustbin. Only eight people were waiting for the next empty carriage to descend to ground level and open its doors. Five of them - three children and two adults - belonged to one family, while the rest were a group of three girls, enthusiastically talking to each other. It wouldn't take long for their turn.
A bout of shivers overcame her as the wind picked up, the warmth of the drink already a memory. She wrapped her free arm around herself, gaze dropping to the floor as she once again regretted forgetting to bring out her favourite dog-ear hoodie. It was always hanging on her clothes rack, and it would have been so easy to just reach out a hand and swipe it on her way out. But no, she just had to wake up late and stumble out of the house still half-asleep.
She'd forgotten how cold the nights could get. Especially for her, someone who couldn't even handle the lecture theatre air-conditioning. Forgoing a long-sleeved T-shirt for her kiwi bird-print tee was not helping matters.
"Here." Something warm and soft was draped around her shoulders, and she looked up to find herself draped in Lloyd's familiar jacket, his face hovering close to hers. "You should have told me you were cold," Lloyd muttered, his breath tickling her neck. "I would have given you my jacket earlier."
His jacket smelt like him, a safe, comforting blanket that reached to her thighs. It held his body heat, too, slowly seeping into her.
Colette flushed, turning her face away so she didn't have to look into those russet eyes. For there was concern there, as well as the ever-present kindness, but there was also more. There was no way to hide her blush, not when he was right here, but she still had to resist the urge to hide her face behind the plushy.
Why was she still trying so hard to hide, anyway? It's not like it was of any use. She was so obvious. As Zelos had told her, it had gone far past the point of being funny.
"Though I guess you're always cold," Lloyd said, tearing his gaze away from her and taking a hurried step back. Perhaps the words were meant to be teasing, but they fell flat with the out-of-place laughter attached to the end.
"I - I mean, it - it was my fault for not bringing a jacket in the first place," she stuttered, the words stumbling over each other in her mouth in her hurry to answer. Now Lloyd would know she was nervous too. She was doing really well, wasn't she? “But thank you.”
"The next carriage is here," the attendant called out, voice flat and expression terribly bored. He was staring at them with a barely veiled expression of disinterest, waving his arms to direct them into the next carriage, doors wide open.
"Come on." Lloyd grabbed her hand, the smile returning to his face. The Ferris wheel was lit up to the nines, throwing soft purple light onto everything around her and illuminating half of Lloyd's face. Beautiful. He was always so beautiful, but it was moments like these where it made her heart hurt, wanting so desperately to reach out and touch his face.
Heart pounding in her chest, she took her seat, Lloyd sitting directly on her left, their legs close enough to brush.
She placed the plushy in her lap, resting her chin on it and trying her best to slow her racing heart, knowing it would be of no use. Here, in this carriage that was slowly rising into the sky and gently rocking, it was just the two of them in this little space, cut off from the rest of the world.
It was hard to tell herself she was imagining the intense way Lloyd was staring at her, like she was the only thing worth looking at, even though the beautiful night scenery was right outside the glass. Nor was it possible to imagine the tension, sharp as a knife, that had arisen between them for the past half a year or so. Almost everything was the same: they were still incredibly close, but there was a hesitance there now - in the way Lloyd’s fingers sometimes curled away from hers, in the way she sometimes stopped before throwing an arm around his shoulder to embrace him.
Neither of them had spoken up about that tension, dancing around each other like fools. Even if he did return her feelings… Love wasn’t enough to bridge the impossible distance between them. She could never fully comprehend all that he felt, just as he could never fully comprehend the absence of what she felt. She could never give him what others could, not with her extreme revulsion towards anything sexual in nature. She’d be willing to try, for him, simply because her love for him knew no bounds, but… she couldn't say where her limits would be. Likely not very far from where she would start.
Even though Lloyd had been nothing but supportive of her, that didn’t mean he was willing to take a chance that could very well end in failure and heartbreak. She might not be enough for him when it came to a relationship. If that was the case, she could understand. Neither of them had done anything wrong. If they were incompatible from the start, then she could keep her silence. She’d be perfectly happy to remain as friends, even if these nebulous feelings would never leave her chest. She didn’t want to lose them.
"Um, do you, uh... like the plushy?" Lloyd asked, his voice cutting through her anxious thoughts. Awkwardness radiated off of him in spades as he shifted in the seat, turning his head away to stare down at the floor. At least she wasn't the only one that was nervous. He was repeating the exact question he’d asked her when he’d given her the plushy.
"I love it. It's soft, and it's cute. Thanks for giving it to me." The same answer she’d given him before.
Lloyd had been the one who won a carnival game - the ball toss, to be specific. He'd managed to down all the cans with a single ball and gotten the choice of any of the first-place prizes. Zelos had raised an eyebrow and asked him how he'd gotten past the unfair odds. Lloyd had sheepishly scratched the back of his head and said it was a lucky accident, one that he couldn’t repeat, which proved to be true in his later attempts.
Lloyd had taken one look at the prize pool, pointed out the Siberian Husky plush to the staff, and then stuffed it into her hands the moment he'd gotten it, proclaiming that it was a gift for her. Zelos had been outright snickering, while even Sheena had looked like she was holding back laughter, shoulders shaking.
Lloyd's hand found hers in the little space between them, his thumb rubbing the skin of her palm just below her fingers. It was a repetitive, soothing motion, helping to calm her down.
She hoped that, no matter what, they would always stay together. Whether as friends or more. Just the two of them.
"I'm glad you like it." Lloyd's voice was getting progressively quieter with each syllable his lips formed, slowly shifting right along the seat towards her.
“Can - can I…” Lloyd asked timidly, turning to face her and leaning closer. Her field of vision narrowed to just his face, barely lit by the scant light that reached them from the carnival grounds and the spokes of the Ferris wheel. Everything else was slowly turning into a blur. “Can I kiss you?”
The carriage had reached the top of its revolution. Through the window, she could see the sparkling lights of the high-rises in the distance. Silence suffused the air as no one spoke, the world itself seeming to hold its breath, neither she nor Lloyd moving a single part of their bodies as they stared at each other. His eyes were wide, filled with such incredible emotion, built up over years and spilling over at this very moment.
Her breath caught in her throat, a current of warmth making itself known in her heart at the fact that he’d actually bothered to ask. She’d expected Lloyd to - the kind, considerate soul that she’d come to know and love, but somewhere in the back of her mind was tucked the irrational fear that there would never be anyone who respected her boundaries, simply because she wasn't worth it.
She took a deep breath, preparing her answer. It wouldn’t be “normal”, that was for sure. It wasn’t a simple yes or no, but rather…
“Is it fine if it’s on the cheek?” were the quiet words that left her mouth, shattering the expectant silence as her grip tightened on the plushy. Maybe one day, she wouldn’t mind a kiss on the lips, but not today. She wasn’t up to it yet.
She doesn’t know what answer she expects. Probably a no. It’s perfectly understandable for Lloyd to just step away.
“Of course,” Lloyd replied instantly, the gentle smile on his face once again shattering all the preconceived notions she’d constructed in her head, absolutely terrified of rejection but huddling herself into a corner in the belief that that was all she could possibly receive. There had been no hesitation behind that statement, no hint of reproach or anger or irritation towards her.
“Yes.” The word slipped out without any thought, for she herself had yearned for so terribly long. The desire she had always held to love, and to be loved, despite everything - to experience it all with the boy that had always been part of her life and that she hoped could continue to be there for the rest of it.
She turned her head to the side, and it didn't take another moment longer before Lloyd pressed his lips against her cheek, one hand still holding hers while his other arm wrapped around her shoulder, the plushy trapped between them. He was nothing if not gentle, bringing up her earliest memories of being kissed on the cheek by her mother, before she had left her life forever. It was through that gentleness that the force of his love was truly impressed on her - for there was passion there, in the very act of holding himself back. Love, gentle like a warm flame, but not any lesser for it, for his love was just as impregnable as a brick wall, unyielding and unbreaking.
She could feel his warm breath against her cheek, his lips softer than she could have thought, his hair close enough to run her hands through as she’d always wanted. So she did, letting the strands fall through her fingers like melted chocolate.
Was he… smiling? It sure felt like it.
It wasn't a magical moment like people always said the first kiss would be like. After all, theirs was nowhere close to conventional, but it was an experience that belonged only to them. No sparks were flying in the air, nor did time stop. It was just the two of them, fitting together perfectly like puzzle pieces in the way they always had, and she couldn't ask for anything more.
Lloyd moved away, his arm dropping from her shoulder, hand joining the other to clasp her limp one. His eyes were shining with joy, the same joy that filled her heart and made it feel like it might take flight at any time. Everything had finally fallen into place.
Her whole face was now on fire as she turned away, leaning forward over her legs. Her hair fell by the side of her face like a veil, letting only tiny glimpses of Lloyd through.
“You’re sure?” she asked, knowing that she needed to clarify. Even if his actions had been the shining light that burned away most of her doubts, some still remained. Lloyd really, truly needed to understand what he was getting into. She would not let him mindlessly enter into a relationship with her without knowing about all the ups and downs, all the complications that would come with it. That would only end in them hurting each other, and then they might never be able to stand the sight of each other again. It was the dreaded future she never wanted to come to pass. “It’s not going to be easy."
“I know,” he replied, squeezing her hand, his russet eyes focussed on hers. “But all relationships have challenges, don't they? We'll figure it out together, just like always. And if it doesn’t work out, then we’ll stay as friends, forever. I just want you to know that I love you.”
There is nothing but burning conviction behind his words, and a determination that reached deep into her soul and lit a flame of hope.
There would be many more difficult conversations that needed to be had, candid discussions that would need to take place. But for now, she didn't say anything more, hoping the unspoken “I love you” from her side could be understood, clear as day. She still couldn’t make herself say it, the final lingering doubt that she suspected would never fully go away holding her back: that romantic love had to go hand in hand with sexual attraction, and that one could not exist without the other.
She simply closed her eyes, leaning against him and enjoying the gentle rocking of the carriage for the remainder of their time on the Ferris wheel.
~~~
25-years-old
"Remember this Ferris wheel?" Lloyd teased Colette, squeezing her hand as they stood in front of the Ferris wheel at the reopened carnival. It wasn't the exact same one they’d ridden at the age of 18, for that one had been deconstructed years ago. But it was a near-perfect replica, down to the purple lights that lit up the spokes, though the hearts were gone. Even the bored attendant who was barely paying attention to her duties was right!
"How could I forget?" Colette laughed, her trademark bright smile on her face. Even after knowing her for twenty years and dating her for seven of those years, the sight of her smile never failed to light a spark in his chest.
At least this time Colette was dressed appropriately for the colder night, in a pencil skirt and a long-sleeved collared blouse with a few frills. She looked a lot more put-together than him, who was just wearing plain old jeans. He had picked her straight up from work before driving them here, after all.
All that was missing was the staff pass that she’d removed from around her neck and left in the car. Her smart-casual image, however, was completely shattered by the pair of grey dog ears poking out of her hair, attached to the headband sitting behind her ears. They even felt furry to the touch, though it wasn’t real dog fur.
A pair of brown ears sat on his own head. Colette hadn’t managed to win a grand prize at the game stalls like he once had out of dumb luck, but she'd managed to do pretty well at the ring toss, scoring almost all of her tosses onto the red-rimmed bottles. That meant she could redeem a few mid-tier prizes, so she'd gotten two headbands with dog ears attached, one for her and one for him that he could wear if he wanted to. He'd put it on immediately. Now they matched! He needed to take a picture of them sometime - Sheena and Zelos would appreciate the cute image.
More like Sheena would strangle him over digital space if he didn't send cute photos.
The carnival had finally returned after four years of absence, and he and Colette had jointly decided to return almost immediately upon hearing the news. It was small and honestly not that impressive compared to other theme parks they’d been to, but it still held precious memories. And it would make for a fun date, which it certainly had so far!
They'd retraced their steps from years ago, though unfortunately, they were lacking Zelos and Sheena. First riding the pirate ship, Colette’s hair going wild in the air as the ship swung from side-to-side, then visiting the game stalls, laughing at each other’s absolutely horrendous attempts, then buying and sharing a stick of cotton candy between them, taking turns biting from the fluffy substance and having their tongues curl from the overload of sweetness, before finally arriving back here at the Ferris wheel.
"I know I've said this already, but thanks for planning this all out," Colette said, linking her arm with his and smiling up at him as they joined the queue. The queue was much longer today, amounting to more than 40 people, by his rough estimate. It was still quite early in the evening, half of the sun still peeking over the horizon, the sky painted in a pink that would soon be darkening to orange. It was just as noisy as in the past, perhaps even noisier, for the families hadn't gone home yet. "There were quite a few kerfuffles with the system at work today, and this really helped."
"That bad?"
"Mm. We had a new intern come in today, and then the old system just decided to crash. Not the intern's fault, she's the sweetest girl. But it was still a headache to deal with."
"Well, I'm glad it helped. Though I'm just happy to spend more time with you."
If everything went according to plan, then he'd be seeing a lot more of her in the future.
He shoved his hand into his pocket, checking that the all-important box was still there. It was the crux of this whole operation, and he could not lose it.
Colette laughed, a sound that inevitably made him smile. "I'm sorry I haven't been free for the past few weeks. It's a busy time for the company."
"It's alright. I'll be starting work soon too, after all. Besides, we still stay two floors apart. There's pretty much no way we don't see each other every week, silly."
"Sorry, sorry. Shouldn't be a downer; you're right. Anyway, since tomorrow’s a public holiday, want to spend it over at my place?”
“Netflix and chill?” Lloyd answered, well aware that he was probably getting some weird looks from people close enough to overhear him. He wasn’t even sure if Colette knew of its double meaning - she was generally completely clueless about the world of euphemisms. Over time, they’d just started co-opting the phrase. After all, their time together at each other’s place was mostly spent… watching shows while curled up together on the couch, creating dishes that were more like unrecognisable disasters in the kitchen while attempting not to set the whole place on fire, or Colette playing video games at the foot of the bed while he tickled her neck with his toes. In terms of risque activities, they so rarely happened - and only after he checked, double-checked and triple-checked that Colette was feeling up to it and not forcing herself for his sake.
“I don’t mind, but we haven’t finished that card game we started last month. The card piles are still sitting untouched on my bay window. Wanna do that instead?”
“Sure!” He replied enthusiastically. Board games or card games always promised a good time, if infuriating when nothing would line up and Lady Luck was decidedly not smiling on him. Colette seemed to get all the luck in these party games. Maybe it was consolation for tripping all the time.
“It’s such a shame that Zelos and Sheena aren’t here,” Colette said, pulling out her phone. “I know they went on the Ferris wheel the year after we did, but we still haven’t gotten that group photo we were supposed to.”
“One’s in Europe and one’s in Australia. There’s no way they could join us on such short notice.” The last he'd heard from them, both were doing well for themselves and very happy in their long-distance relationship.
“True. I guess I can add them to the photo afterwards with the power of Photoshop. Oh, and Zelos sent me this really weird message...” After a few swipes of her finger, Colette shoved the bright phone screen under his nose.
Zelos Wilder: Looking forward to the good news ;)
“Do you have any idea what they mean?” Colette asked, cocking her head to the side in confusion. “They haven’t been replying to my question!”
Lloyd could feel his fingers twitching. Zelos Wilder wasn’t here, but if they were, Lloyd would have strangled them already. Trying to spoil the surprise, were they?
“It’s probably nothing! You know how they are. Always trying to cause chaos.” Lloyd shrugged, hoping he wasn’t being too obvious, as he tended to be.
“I suppose that’s true… What good news?” Lloyd could hear Colette repeating that question to herself under her breath, not quite soft enough for it to escape his notice. She didn’t seem to have noticed that anything was up with him, thankfully.
“It’s our turn! Come on, let’s get on!” Lloyd declared, just loud enough to startle Colette and cause her to nearly drop her phone. She hurriedly stuffed it back into her pocket, following Lloyd to the open carriage. She hadn't realised the space before them had completely cleared.
The attendant lazily waved them onto the open carriage with barely a glance at them, a mumbled: “Have a nice ride” leaving her mouth.
Lloyd was the first to scramble on, turning around to give Colette a helping hand - only to find her falling straight into him, having tripped over the raised step. With a shocked “Oh!” falling from her lips, Colette crashed into him, nearly knocking him flat onto the carriage seat. With a shocked yelp, Lloyd braced himself against the glass window of the carriage, barely maintaining his balance. Years of practice at stopping Colette’s sometimes fantastical falls over obstacles that weren’t visible to him had honed his reaction times to near perfection, giving him ample preparation for this situation.
The attendant continued to ignore them, gaze fixed not so discreetly on the phone sitting in her lap. The doors of the carriage slid smoothly shut, and with a jolt that nearly knocked them off balance again, the carriage set off on its journey.
"Um, sorry..." Colette apologised from her position pressed flush against Lloyd's chest, arms entangled in his. She slowly extricated herself from the mess, stumbling a few times but managing not to fall again, even with the gentle swaying of the carriage floor. He tried his best to steady her without falling over himself. She sheepishly smiled. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine.” Lloyd adjusted her headband, setting the ears that had been knocked crooked back into their rightful place. He’d told her multiple times that she didn’t need to apologise for tripping, but she still did, the habit too ingrained to break. It was endearing, though. “You?”
“I’m fine!” Colette smoothed out her skirt (though there weren’t any noticeable wrinkles in it from the fall,) and sat down to rest her weary feet, giving Lloyd the cue to sit down as well. “Thank goodness I wasn’t wearing heels…”
Lloyd did not want to imagine what would have happened if she was - she might have twisted her ankle, or worse. She rarely wore heels due to her clumsiness, but when she did, all sorts of accidents tended to happen.
He stuffed his hand into his pocket again, fingers feeling the velvet texture again.
It’s still here.
"What's still here?" Colette’s confused voice broke through his relieved thoughts. Her hands were resting in her lap and she was leaning forward, eyes shining with a curious light. The usual white lights of the new condominiums close to the carnival grounds shone, a few glimmers of pink visible as people celebrated Pink Dot. It was at this very moment that the Ferris wheel's lights turned from purple to pink, the spokes emanating soft pink light that washed over Colette, making her hair glisten - almost like an ethereal fairy with imaginary wings that shimmered, having come to visit him on this mortal plane. The dog ears only added to that image, somehow. Even now, the sight of her was enough to make him feel dizzy, both out of love and awe, even if he no longer blushed like an embarrassed schoolboy. Awe that she could get more beautiful every time his gaze landed on her. And awe that such an incredible person had chosen to trust him and stay with him.
He was so enraptured by the angel before him that it took a few seconds for her words to process in his mind, after which he froze in horror.
OH NO, HE’D SAID IT OUT LOUD. A thousand alarm bells were ringing in his head. Some days he was reminded that he was an adult now, and other days he was reminded that he was as much an idiot as he used to be. Some things just never changed.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Colette said, a teasing lilt to her voice as she rested her chin on her palm, an amused smile playing on her lips.
He could just play it off - he knew Colette wouldn’t pursue it any further if he gave off the signals to drop the topic. She was just like that: the most considerate person he knew.
But…
The original plan had been to do it on the Ferris wheel. It even had Zelos' approval. This, right now, was the perfect chance to just let the cat out of the bag. And he would grasp the opportunity in hand before it could escape him.
For he could think of no future happier than one spent Colette’s side.
Taking a deep breath, he pulled the purple box out of his pocket with a shaking hand, dropping to his knees on the surprisingly clean carriage floor, devoid of the usual spilt drinks and crumpled up tissues.
He could tell the exact moment Colette gleaned the true intent behind his actions, the blank, confused expression on her face morphing into one of shocked disbelief, eyes widening and hands flying up to cover her mouth.
Damn it, he’d completely forgotten the script he’d written with Zelos’ assistance in a back-and-forth over messages, Zelos alternating between giving actually good advice and being extremely annoying, though Lloyd had gotten them to shut up by asking them when they planned to propose. The two of them had both struggled to find the right words, since neither of them had done super well in English. But Lloyd had persevered, wanting to get his feelings across eloquently.
But now that he was staring into Colette’s blue eyes, all the words were sprouting wings and flying mockingly out of his head, leaving only blank space for him to reach uselessly for.
The one piece of advice Zelos had given him that continued to stick in his head was this: speak from the heart, and surely she would understand.
He couldn’t keep her waiting forever.
“I… ” He couldn’t help but start off slow, struggling against the block in his mind but determined to push past it. The words then seemed to just come to him, progressively faster as time went on, stumbling out of some unknown part of his mind - or perhaps it would be more accurate to say his heart. Somehow, throughout it all, he didn't drop the box despite his trembling hands. “Colette, you’re the most amazing person I know. Your compassion, your gentleness, even your clumsiness, they’re all vital parts of my life that I wouldn’t give up for anything. You are my shining star in the sky, the one that gives me hope, that inspires me to be the best version of myself. If I had the choice to relieve my life from the start, I wouldn't change a thing, because meeting you on that playground all those years ago was the best thing that has ever happened to me. All my years spent with you have been incredible, and I would like to spend many more by your side. So, just like years ago, Colette, I have something I need to ask you, right here and right now.”
“Will you… Will you marry me?” He finished, voice drifting off into silence as he flipped open the box to reveal the two plain, thin metal rings he’d bought. Colette wasn’t the type to go for flashy diamonds or colourful gems. She’d appreciate something simple like this.
He waited, the few seconds of deafening silence seeming to stretch out into eternity, broken only by the sound of blood rushing past his ears. This wasn’t the first time he’d asked this very question, if in a different and less dramatic form. He’d already received her answer once. But he would respect whatever answer she gave now, and most of all, they would keep the promise they had made at this very place: that they would always remain friends, no matter what.
~~~
Colette still couldn’t quite believe her ears, gaze flitting between Lloyd’s face and the box he was holding up towards her, the two rings housed snugly within reflecting pink light.
Marriage had crossed her mind many times. She had learned over the years that it wasn’t a penultimate goal that had to be reached to prove her relationship successful, and she’d told Lloyd as much when he’d asked her two months ago if she’d be willing to get married.
But still, even if she had managed to break free from most of the notions the fairytales of old had implanted into her head, able to just enjoy them as sweet stories now, she couldn’t quite rid herself of the dream of having a fairytale wedding. One that was perfectly planned, with family and friends present to stand witness to their union.
She’d told him yes. That she would be willing to tie the knot with him, the one she loved. The expectation of a proposal had been simmering in the back of her mind ever since, often going forgotten. She had not expected the time would be now. Lloyd had been more fidgety than normal, constantly checking his pockets while disguising the action as keeping his hands in his pockets. She’d known something was up, but his true intentions had escaped her detection until just moments before, when she’d been taken off guard. All she’d thought when he’d pulled out the box was that it resembled the ring boxes in the dramas Sheena was always recommending to her, the ones that appeared in all the emotional proposal scenes, until the realisation had hit her in the chest like a truck.
Once again, like years ago, they’d reached the top of the revolution. The silence remained unbroken as Lloyd patiently awaited her answer, not pushing her towards one. And so events repeated, mirrored across time.
Colette slowly stretched out her arm, eyes shimmering with unshed tears as a smile graced her face. She nodded, her throat blocked by all the emotions that swirled in her chest, unable to say ‘yes’ out loud even as she screamed it over and over in her mind, the tears finally breaking free of whatever barrier was holding them back to spill down her face.
Lloyd broke out into the most beautiful smile she had ever seen, radiating pure joy as he slid one of the simple, elegant, silver bands onto her ring finger. It fit. Perfectly. When had he even learned her ring size?
She picked up the other ring that was meant for Lloyd, marvelling at how her hand could somehow remain stable as the rest of her body trembled in barely contained emotion. The ring was so tiny, held between her thumb and index finger, and yet it held such significant weight as she slid it onto his ring finger, the skin of his hand rough against hers and the metal cold.
Lloyd jumped to his feet, pulling her into an embrace and pressing a kiss to the top of her head (his nose bumping the dog ears), holding her close, his happy laughter rumbling through his chest. Even now, when he must have been bursting with joy, he was still mindful of her boundaries, refusing to do anything that would cross the line. Heart filled with warmth, she pressed herself impossibly closer, intending to just melt into his arms forever -
"Please get off the carriage."
The deadpan voice that belonged to neither her nor Lloyd broke through the peaceful bubble that had been constructed around the two of them. She froze, feeling Lloyd stiffen around her as well. Looking to the left yielded the view of solid ground, and the same uninterested attendant gesturing towards it.
Ah. They'd reached the bottom without even noticing. This was… embarrassing, to say the least.
Thankfully, no one seemed to be in the queue at the moment, allowing the two of them to escape from the Ferris wheel without much attention. It appeared that only the attendant had borne witness, and she couldn’t seem to care less, having returned to the booth.
Their interlocked hands swung in the air, the matching rings glinting under the bright neon lights of the carnival as she wiped away her happy tears, both of them grinning uncontrollably.
"I love you," Lloyd said, the words leaving his lips with ease, as they always had. "Shall we go home?” he asked.
Home was with friends and family and Lloyd, the one who held her heart.
Colette squeezed Lloyd’s hand. She felt light as a feather, like she could somehow fly with wings that she didn't have.
"I love you," she replied, the words coming so easily now. "Let’s.”
~~~
The attendant shook her head, scoffing as she returned to scrolling through Twitter.
“I suppose love does make the world go round.”
~~~
Next chapter
#fanfiction#multi chapter#tales of symphonia#colloyd#colloydweek2021#day 3: first kiss/confession#colette brunel#lloyd irving#sheena fujibayashi#zelos wilder
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Lucky Day
Pairing: Yugyeom x Reader
Word Count: 2,119
Rating: (F) for fluff
Summary: Yugyeom used to wear his orange Chucks constantly, until he realized they’re the luckiest thing he owns. He was wearing them the day he met you, the first time he kissed you, the day you agreed to be his girlfriend. He saves them only for special occasions, and you notice he’s decided to wear them today on your date.
Part 7 of the GOT7 COLORS SERIES of oneshots! 🌈 Color: Orange
The fair is in full swing when you arrive. The scent of dried soda, sweat, and cotton candy fills the air.
It's absurdly hot for late May, but your boyfriend looks delighted, even with a drop of sweat working its way down his face. You wipe it away with your thumb and down the rest of your lemonade in one big sip. His arm around your waist is hot, but you handle it, because you're the type of soft for him that you'll cope with even more heat on a sweaty day for him.
His hair is mussed from a day of carnival games, hot dogs, and riding roller coasters like little kids. You toss the cup in the trash can next to the line and look up at the ferris wheel. Compared to the rest of the adrenaline filled day, this feels subdued.
He grins at you over the tops of his shades and you can't help but give him an answering smile. In front of you the colors of the wheel pass by, slowly. A rainbow of reds and oranges and blues that match the candy-on-acid brightness of the carnival.
You thought this feeling would fade. Or maybe even dim slightly in the first few weeks of whirlwind romance after he bumped into you - or you bumped into him, neither of you can agree - and knocked over an entire display of blue corn tortilla chips at the store. But it's been two years since you stared down at him and pulled a bag of chips off his face. You both said, 'oh!' full of surprise and attraction, at the same time. And so it was fate.
'You're sure you're okay with this?' he asks.
The ferris wheel does look terrifying and high. The buckets swing in the motion and you swallow a nervous breath and grip the fabric at his hip tighter. 'Umm. Yeah. It will be fine,' you say, biting your lip to keep your nerves inside.
He snorts and uses his free hand to cup your face. 'Liar.' His thumb tugs your lip free from your teeth and he presses a messy, joyful kiss to your mouth.
You swat at his stomach and roll your eyes. 'Okay, fine. I'm going to freak out. But you'll hold me, right?'
The line starts moving and Yugyeom takes off his shades, hooking them on the collar of his shirt. He kisses you again, slower and lingering. This time he stays at your eye level. 'I'll always hold you.'
Your breath catches in your chest when he looks at you like that. Like he's talking about far more than just the moment. It's been happening more and more lately. Mentions of something more permanent than just being boyfriend and girlfriend.
Just last week he'd asked about what kind of style you like in furniture, just in case you guys wanted to get a house. 'You know, in the future,' he'd said with a casual raise of his shoulder.
'I know,' you answer. You kiss him back for a moment before realizing the line has now moved several feet ahead and you're almost at the front.
He hands the tickets to the fair worker at the booth and nods at him. The man, with curly brown hair and an enormously oversized orange tie, nods back and motions the two of you to the waiting open bucket. You tilt your head in confusion but it's lost in the sheer anxiety of climbing into the small, orange plastic contraption.
Yugyeom holds your hand as you slide in. When the two of you are finally balanced together, his arm around you and yours holding a death grip on his thigh. And if maybe you yelp in fear when it starts moving, he doesn't judge. Throughout tough times in your relationships he's always been the same - light and open and determined to be in this with you, even when things are hard or confusing. You’ve survived far more together than a day at the fair and your fear of heights.
'I've had such a good day,' he murmurs. You feel his lips moving in your hair as he rests his cheek against the top of your head.
You sigh, relaxing at the easy pace of the wheel. Maybe it won't be so bad after all. 'Me too,' you answer, giving his knee an affectionate squeeze.
'I've had such a good two years with you. Every day is amazing, you know?'
You pull back and look up at him. He's always sweet, but hardly is he ever so out and out romantic and soft. Even the lopsided grin on his face is more sentimental than normal.
'What's gotten into you today?' you tease, heart beating strongly in your chest.
'I've been thinking a lot, lately.'
'Oh yeah? About what?'
He stares out at the fair below you, and the forest at the edge of the fairgrounds. Now that the bucket is clearing the halfway point you can see far off into the distance. Warm, buttery sunlight plays with the colorful tents and in between the branches of the trees. With a sigh he turns away from the beautiful scenery and back to your face. He traces his fingers gently over your neck and cheek before brushing your hair behind your ear.
'You,' he says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. 'Always you. And us.'
Touched, you lean up and press a kiss to his jaw. 'I love you, you big softy.'
He rolls his eyes and tugs you closer, kissing your forehead. 'I love you too. I think I might have loved you since the first time you knocked into me.'
You open your mouth to object and he kisses you again, all over your face until you snort and wave him off.
'Do you remember what I was wearing when we met?' he asks.
The ferris wheel reaches the top and instead of fear you feel nothing but awe. The view is incredible. You can even see all the way out to the lake on the far side of the freeway from here. His hand on top of yours and his arm around your waist makes you feel safe.
'Yeah, your lucky Chucks, right? The orange ones?'
'Exactly,' he says softly. He rubs your shoulder with his free hand and you lean your head back against him.
'And you remember the first time I kissed you?'
At this, you pull back and look at him, brow furrowing. 'Umm. Yes, I was there.' You laugh and gesture to the faint scar on his left wrist. 'I still feel badly about this.'
He runs a hand through his hair and chuckles. 'Hey, it was my fault for trying to lean over a canoe and kiss you, with my terrible balance.' He uses his thumb to rub the scar where he smashed into the side of the boat before going over the edge and pulling you with him.
'It was still a good kiss though. Very wet, but it was perfect.'
Your car smelled like lake water for weeks after. You didn't have any towels to put underneath your damp jeans. But you'll never forget how cute he looked, all soaked and a mess and bumping his head on the roof of your car as he emphatically started kissing you again in the backseat.
'It's all been wonderful,' he says, looking stupidly in love and handsome.
'Why are you talking like this? Are you planning on breaking up with me or something?' You're teasing, but the way he winces and nervously taps his fingers on the armrest gives you pause.
'No, God, no not at all. I -' he shakes his head in amusement. 'I swear I've never been more clumsy, tongue-tied, or a mess than I am when I'm with you.'
The bucket is still stopped at the top and you wonder how long it normally pauses. It didn't feel like that long at each stop on the ride up. Maybe there's a problem with someone getting off or something, you wonder.
Yugyeom swallows and looks over the edge. He gives a thumbs up over the edge before turning back to you. 'You know what all those days had in common?'
'What?' you ask cautiously, a frantic beat in your chest as your intuition tells you something big is about to happen.
He awkwardly lifts both of his feet, showing you his shoes. The faded orange of his Chucks peeks out over the edge and you gasp. Like a Mac truck what he's trying to say hits you. 'You're wearing them today. But - '
When you turn he's fumbling in his pocket. 'Please don't let me drop this,' he laughs to himself as he pulls out a small box.
There's a fierceness and a sincerity in his eyes that suddenly makes him look much older than he is. 'I know I never wear these anymore,' he starts. 'I think the heel is about to fall off. But I wanted to wear them one last time today, for luck.'
He opens the lid on the box and reveals a ring. 'Oh my god, no way!' You can't cope and look back and forth between him and the ring.
'I love you,' he says on an exhale. 'All my best memories are with you and I want to keep making memories. Forever.'
His words are fast, impassioned. Behind him you distantly notice shapes rising. Looking around his face your jaw drops. Dozens of orange balloons rise and tears come to your eyes. You have got to be holding his thigh so tightly it's cutting off circulation at this point, but he doesn't seem to mind.
'Yugyeom, I - '
'Will you marry me?'
He doesn't pressure you, he never has and you know he never will. Instead he shows you the kind of patience he only saves for your relationship. He goes after everything else like a bullet train - his career, exercising, working on his skills - but your relationship has always flowed smoother than a river. Easy and unquestioned.
'Of course I will.' You breathe in and cough, your throat thick. You don’t know when you started crying, but you can’t seem to stop.
Several things happen in a tangle of limbs and emotions. He tries to somehow kiss you, remove the ring from the box and slide it on your finger, and pull you into his arms all at once. You attempt to return the kiss, catch the box he drops, and not fall out of the swinging basket that’s still suspended above the fairgrounds.
But magically, like always, you muddle through together.
The ring fits perfectly and your heart melts imagining him carefully choosing it. You grasp the box firmly in your hand, saving it from falling on unsuspecting patrons. He wraps his arms around your waist around the metal bar and you hold his shoulders, burying your hand in his hair to keep him near you.
Even though it sways dangerously for a moment, the basket steadies.
With wet eyes and a bright joy coursing through your body you watch the sunset and the last of the balloons float off into the distance, vanishing from sight.
‘I’m so glad you said yes,’ he says against your neck. ‘I knew the lucky shoes wouldn’t let me down.’
You snort and pull back. ‘Have you ever thought that maybe it’s just you that’s lucky, not the shoes?’
His answer is drowned out by a familiar voice calling from down below. ‘ARE YOU GUYS ENGAGED YET?’
Yugyeom groans and you lean over him to try to see who it is. He waves and gives an emphatic thumbs up. The cheer that comes from the ground is far too loud to just be one person. With a slight jolt the ferris wheel starts moving again and you begin the descent back to the ground.
You went up as someone wildly in love with her boyfriend and you’re coming down as someone wildly in love with her fiance.
When you’re about halfway back you see what has to be your entire family and Yugyeom’s, plus the vast majority of your friends. He gives you a boyish smile before shrugging and assuming a confident lean on the back of the bucket. ‘I knew you’d say yes.’
‘Would have been pretty awkward if I hadn’t,’ you say and toy with the ring. ‘I could still change my mind, you know.’
He frowns for a moment before realizing you’re teasing. ‘Get over here,’ he says with a wide grin. He covers your face in kisses and the bucket settles gently back to ground as everyone rushes forward to give you hugs and congratulate you.
#yugyeom x reader#yugyeom fanfic#yugyeon fluff#got7#got7 colors series#got7 x reader#got7 fanfic#got7 AU
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Seeing Green Ch.6
Wayne Manor had been much larger than what Marinette had been expecting. As she stepped out of the town car Damian’s father had sent to pick her up, she was struck by how huge the place was, it almost reminded her of a castle. But she didn’t dare say that aloud as she made her way up the front steps.
“You look like you’re about to dart back down the driveway and never come back.” Marinette glanced back at Eva, who gave her an amused smile.
When Mari had told her about being invited to meet Damian’s family, the TA had put her foot down in Marinette going alone. If her student was going to anyone’s house, she was going to meet the parents of the man her student was so infatuated with. Besides, if they were going to be doing some weird cult sacrifice, Eva could go and save Marinette before things got freaky.
“I’m just really nervous. Damian is great, but what if his family doesn’t like me? What if they think I’m only after Damian for his money? What if they decide I’m not worthy of him and they ban him from ever seeing me again and we can’t give this relationship a real shot? I might end up all alone, just like Lila said!” Marinette felt herself going into a panic attack, her breathing hitching. She felt herself calm down as soon as Eva gripped her shoulders and stared hard into her eyes. “What if I screw up, Eva?”
“Now you stop that, they’d be lucky to be in your presence, and if they dare insult you, I’ll shove my boot so high up their ass, they’ll need to get it surgically removed.” Eva whispered, and Marinette laughed, feeling herself relax. “Besides, I’ve heard they’re good people, though they could be posing for the public. Let’s hope the articles are right.”
“I certainly hope they are.” Both women jumped and turned towards the front door, not realizing that it had been opened. A kind - looking elderly man stood there, smiling at them. He bowed, then guided them inside. “I am glad you ladies have arrived safely. My name is Alfred, I have been working for Master Wayne for many years. When I heard Master Damian had a fancy for a young lady, I was excited to see him smiling much more than he used to. He speaks highly of you, Miss Marinette.”
“D-does he really?” Marinette felt her heart skip a beat at Alfred’s words. The butler took her and Eva’s coats, before taking them to a living room. Marinette instantly felt her blood pressure spike at the sight of so many people in the room, and her palms suddenly felt clammy.
"Master Bruce, your guests have arrived." Alfred's voice broke through the chatter, and instantly all eyes were on Marinette, making her tremble. She could feel them all judging her, analyzing her… Trying to see what kind of person she was. She made herself smile, though she knew it didn't look quite right. She was just so nervous! "Dinner shall be ready in an hour's time."
When Alfred left, it took everything in Marinette not to bolt. What was she thinking, pursuing a Wayne? They probably thought she was only after him for his money! They must think she's a tramp, a shameless girl, a-
"I'm glad you made it, Angel." Damian stepped forward, and took her hands in his. At the gesture, Mari felt herself relax and her smile turned genuine. He leaned down and softly kissed her cheek. It felt so intimate, that it made her heart flutter. "My family hasn't shut up since I told them you'd be joining us tonight. I hope you are prepared to be swarmed."
"I'm sure I can handle it, I've been through tougher situations." Marinette joked as she spotted Dick striding up to them, a woman with vibrant red hair, and green eyes. Green that seemed to take up the entire eye. "Oh, hello Dick. I hope this meeting isn't as dramatic as last time."
"Well those classmates of yours aren't around, so the evening shouldn't be full of defamation about our family." Dick gave her a joking smile, before gesturing to the woman beside him. "Marinette, this is my wife Kory."
"It is most wonderful to meet the girl who has captured Damian's heart. I was truly afraid that he would never find love." Kory instantly wrapped Marinette into a hug, causing her to blush vividly. "Oh, and I love your outfit! Cass, Babs, look at this! She's just adorable!"
"Kory, you're going to break her if you hug her like that." One of the women stepped forward, her dark eyes meeting Marinette's. She was tall, slim, with short black hair that framed a pretty face. She held out a slim hand. "I'm Cassandra. It's nice to meet you, Marinette. Welcome to the crazy Wayne family."
"I'm Barbara, but you can call me Babs." A redhead in a wheelchair pushed herself forward, smiling and shook Marinette's hand after Cass had.
"I- I'm happy to meet you all too. Wow, I've never seen such a big family before." Marinette let out a shaky laugh, feeling a little overwhelmed. The atmosphere had changed. It was warm, inviting, and everyone was smiling now.
"So you're Demon Spawn's 'Angel'. Huh, I guess even demons have weaknesses." A tall man stepped up, pulling Marinette into a bear hug. He was handsome, with a spiky head of black hair with a shock of white at his right temple, and startlingly blue eyes. His grin was playful, before he set down the girl. "But by God, you're so small! Like a pixie."
"Jason, don't scare her." Marinette turned her gaze to the Bruce Wayne as he strode up, taking her hand and smiling warmly. "Welcome to Wayne Manor, Marinette. I am sorry about my children, they can be a handful."
"That's an understatement." Tim spoke up, a dry smile on his face. He nudged Dick when he saw Marinette beaming at everyone, bright like sunshine. It was almost refreshing.
"You're all swarming her, give her some space." Damian snapped out, wrapping an arm around Marinette and made her squeak when he dragged her close. He smiled apologetically to her. "I'm sorry, Angel, I should have prepared you better."
"I like them." Marinette spoke up quickly, taking his hand and giving it a light squeeze. She got onto her tiptoes and kissed his cheek, causing his face to go crimson. "As long as they don't think I'm a gold digger, I'm happy."
"Right, if you're a gold digger, I'm Rena Rouge." All eyes went to Evangeline, who was still standing in the doorway. She gave a wry smile as she winked at Marinette. "Don't worry, sugar cookie, they'd have to be crazy to think you're bad news."
It wasn't hard to hear the faint threat in Eva's voice, the entire Bat family heard it loud and clear. Damian rose a brow, his grip tightening slightly in Marinette's waist.
"Don't worry. I'd never let anyone think that of Marinette, they'd be facing my blade if they did." He commented casually, watching his brothers from the corner of his eye. He noticed that Jason looked almost nervous.
"I think she's a real treat." Cass chimed it, grabbing Marinette's hand and pulling her free from Damian's possessive grasp. "Finally, some girl that the Demon Spawn can't scare off."
"Give it a few days." Tim piped up, and the family chuckled amongst themselves. Marinette felt her heart warm and her body relaxed. She was dragged over to the group of girls, all of them showering her with questions, so many that she could barely keep track of them all.
"Marinette, do you have any interests?" Bruce's voice cut through the mess of voices, and all eyes were soon trained on the patriarch of the Wayne family. His kind smile made Marinette's nerves get shot again.
"Um.. Well, I design." She stuttered out, tugging gently at the sweater she was wearing. Her cheeks burned as she felt the eyes again, judging her… "I actually made this sweater. And Evangeline's dress, though I think high heels in winter time is ridiculous."
Eva merely shrugged at the grumbled comment and smiled.
"But I hope to start my own brand someday." Marinette continued, everyone seeing that spark of passion in her eyes as she went on to explain her dreams of making clothes that can make any man or woman feel beautiful inside. She just wanted their self confidence to blossom and to see them smile.
It melted Bruce's heart a little, seeing her want to spread so much happiness, a rare trait in Gotham.
As soon as Marinette realized she was rambling, she flinched and went crimson."I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude." She whispered, hugging herself once again.
"Dinner is ready." Alfred appeared in the doorway, cutting off any comments that were going to be made.
Damian carefully took Marinette's hand and guided her towards the dining room, planting a small kiss on her temple.
"They're loving you." At his whispered assurance, she seemed to relax once again. This roller coaster of emotions was starting to make her feel a bit tired. She just… Didn't know if she could fully trust them, or if they trust her.
She realized the whole Lila mess had certainly messed up her sense of trust, didn't it?She took a deep breath, and sat with the family for a meal.And the meal was delicious, the atmosphere was warm and inviting. Everyone spoke of their day, of things that had annoyed them at work, there was playful banter, most of the teasing being thrown towards Damian, who in return made heated threats about slicing his brothers up and hiding the bodies.
"What about your family?" Bruce spoke up, his kind eyes settling on Marinette once again. "You live in Paris, what is it like there?"
"Oh, I live with my parents. They're bakers, they are the best parents anyone could ask for, always helping me, supporting my dreams. I couldn't ask for better." Marinette admitted, feeling a faint tug at her heart, feeling desperately homesick for them. She really wanted her parents here, to meet Damian, to meet his family. They were always more careful that her and her trusting heart. "I'm currently in my last year at lycée, then I'm applying for internships at any fashion brand that I can."
"Marinette, I have a small question." Dick crossed his arms, tilting his head ever so slightly, as if he were pondering something. "That class of yours… Do they usually act in such a rambunctious way?"
"N- no, not usually.." Well, Marinette knew they hadn't been like that, not until Lila came around. Ever since Lila became the center of everything, the class had gotten more bold in many things, suddenly thinking nothing could touch them, no one could tell them no. Their attitudes at Wayne Enterprises had been abhorrent, to say the least. They hadn't listened to a single thing Dick had had to say, they had only hung only Lila's every word.
It still hurt.
"That Lila puts a bad taste in my mouth." Damian muttered, poking at his food with his fork. He glanced over at his father, a pained look on his face. "She keeps going around, saying I'm her fiancé. And that class of hers laps it up."
"Not all of them!" Marinette's spine stiffened as the words in defense of her class rose in her mouth, but she swallowed them back down. No, the entirety of them did not deserve her kind words. "Alix and a few others don't believe that. But she's just such a force to be reckoned with, you can't really speak up against her…"
"She ruins lives, nearly makes people lose their jobs." Evangeline spoke up, shadows in her eyes.
"But her lies are so obvious, from what Dick told us." Kory spoke up, her brows drawing together in confusion. "Why do they believe such obvious lies?"
"Because they're idiots who don't even share a single brain cell." Damian stood up abruptly, taking Marinette's hand. He felt her trembling, saw the glassiness of her eyes. "Thank you for dinner, Alfred, it was delicious. I'm going to go show Marinette around our home now."
The family stared after the couple, plans already beginning to form in their minds.
---
"They must think I'm a freak." Marinette leaned into Damian was they walked along the long halls of Wayne Manor. It was such an old architecture, yet kept in such good condition, she desperately wished she had brought her sketch book.
"They love you. They wouldn't talk to you if they didn't love you." Damian assured her softly, kissing the top of her head.But did they really?
They could be faking, just to please Damian… They are probably talking behind her back now, saying how pathetic she was..
"Angel, you have that look on your face." Damian kissed her furrowed brow, causing her to blink. "That class of yours really hurt you, didn't they? Did they hurt you so badly, that you think no one likes you?"
When Marinette teared up, he hugged her close, and let her silently weep into his shoulder, slowly stroking her back as he did. All the while, he was plotting on how to destroy that class of hers.
Once her tears were shed, Marinette pulled back, wiping her cheeks, embarrassed."I'm sorry." She whispered, but Damian merely shook his head and softly kissed her cheek.
"I'm always here for you, Angel. Always."
Little did they know, Tim, Cass, and Alfred were listening in on the conversation, a bit confused at where this suave, gentleman had come from and where their uptight Damian went.
"This is gonna give me so much ammo to tease him." Tim snickered, only to help when Cass hit him upside the head.
---
When the car pulled up in front of the hotel, Damian quickly got out of the car, to let the two ladies out.
"I have to say, Mr. Wayne, your father and siblings reassured me that you won't do anything bad to Marinette, so I suppose you get a pass this once." Evangeline smirked at Damian, giving him a playful wink before she headed inside.
"I hope she doesn't scare you off." Marinette gripped Damian's hand tightly as he helped her out of the car, only to tightly embrace him. "I loved meeting your family, they're really great."
"I'm glad you came, Angel. Maybe I can meet your parents soon, we wouldn't want to keep them in the dark about this? I'd lose brownie points that way." Damian joked, before cupping her face in his hands, leaning close. "Good night, and make sure to lock your window, alright?"
"..." Marinette's brows drew together slightly in confusion, but she nodded. "Good night, Dami. I'll call you in the morning."
He kissed her cheek before heading back to the car, giving her a small wave as he drove off.Marinette collapsed into bed, a dopey smile on her face as she hugged her pillow to her chest, her cheeks rosy from her thoughts of Damian.
"Tikki.." Marinette glanced over at the kwami that floated up beside her, her face going even more red now. "I've only known him for a few days, but… Would it be silly to fall in love with a guy in a few days?"
Tikki seemed to ponder her words before smiling to herself.
"It's very possible, Marinette. I've seen people fall in love in a single day, then later on get married for life, having a happy life together. But, to be safe, I wouldn't rush into anything too serious, just in case." Tikki nuzzled Marinette gently.
"I know, I kinda already came to that conclusion too, but I thought I was in love with Adrien soon after I met him as well." Hot tears welled up in Marinette's eyes as she hugged the pillow tighter. "I don't know what I'm going to do if I make another mistake, Tikki. I don't want to hurt again…"
Taglist:
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let them turn into a river
I've said I wouldn't write any more codas. Yet here I am. This works through some of my thoughts about Alex this season, which may not be everyone's cup of tea.
This also fills two prompts I got: "being given an unexpected hug, and stiffening, then melting into it" by @daffietjuh and "Alex has a breakdown over something mundane like what type of tuna to buy" (I think the original prompt was by @meneatyoghurt, and @rensbaratheon gave it to me).
[PTSD flashbacks, panic attack, mentions of abuse, discussion of possible dub-con (2x06)]
I'm fine. I'm completely fine, Alex repeats to himself as he wanders down the supermarket aisle in search of pasta.
It's not untrue, not exactly. He's certainly functioning a lot better than he was when he first got back from overseas, and his leg is doing rather well these days, even if it's now twinging in pain from the long day he's had. It's just that...he's had nothing but long, exhausting days in what feels like months. It's just that he's really, really tired.
And now he's in the store on a Saturday evening at eleven pm because the really, really nice guy he was hoping to try dating isn't willing to put up with his baggage. Alex can't blame Forrest. He wouldn't put up with it if he had a choice. He spent hours just staring at the bottom of his glass after Forrest left, until Maria slammed a bottle in front of him to get his attention and invited herself to lunch tomorrow.
“It's been a while since we really talked, Alex. I almost feel like you're the one avoiding me now.” The little progress Alex has made−according to his therapist, anyway−on setting his boundaries and asserting what he wants must have evaporated sometime during that night, because he didn't manage to say no.
Which means he needs to figure out what to cook. It's going to have to be meatball pasta, Alex decides. It's the only thing he can think of right now that's suitable for a guest but doesn't require a lot of preparation, and he has no wish to spend hours in the kitchen. He grabs his usual brand of pasta, grateful that he knows where it is by heart, and moves down the aisle to the sauce area.
The whole section of tomato sauce cans stares back at him.
Alex takes a step back to encompass the whole thing with his gaze, curses as the move twists his prosthesis enough for a sharp spike of pain to travel up his leg, and closes his eyes to center himself. Breathe. Everything's fine.
There are cans and boxes and bottles. Tomato sauce and pulp and juice. Several brands of each, with added flavoring and different sizes. How can there be dozens of different options? Alex is just looking for something to put in meatball pasta, it shouldn't be complicated.
He peers at the labels again, trying to wake up his brain enough to decide. But there's prices to think of, and ecology−what's better again, metal cans or cartons?−and so many different types and some of them are written in fucking Italian and he cannot choose. He stays frozen, two feet away from the shelves, vaguely rocking on his heels.
He can't breathe.
He can't breathe and he can't read the labels anymore because everything is suddenly out of focus. Fuck. He blinks, and inspires−and chokes, and wheezes, and shit, this shouldn't be so hard, why is he having a fucking panic attack in the middle of the deserted supermarket at 11 pm?
But he is, and thinking about how this should be simple, and why is he such a failure, is definitely not helping. He reaches out, tries to grab a can at random, and only succeeds in miscalculating and knocking several cans off the shelf. The noise they make hitting the floor is deafening.
Alex flinches, hard, and falls backward when it triggers another spike of pain up his leg and back. He hits the shelves at his back, probably knocking more things over−but he doesn't hear them fall over the buzzing in his ears. He feels the pain, though. The pain and the lack of air and the blackening at the edge of his vision.
Breathe.
He closes his eyes tight, letting himself fall on his ass on the floor and curl up. With his left knee under his chin, his right leg extended, he digs his nails into his palms. I can't do this. I can't.
He can't have Maria over, and pretend everything is fine. He can't talk to her about her relationship with Michael and about his own failed date. He can't look at her and forget about her kissing him, about the mess of limbs and emotions that followed, about how he can't feel anything but disgust toward himself ever since.
He can't.
Today has been a roller-coaster already. The elation he felt at the paintball park is long forgotten, replaced by wave upon wave of shame. At everything, at the mirror of himself he glimpsed in his father's eyes, at the way he froze with Maria, at the uncontrollably fear that gripped his gut when Forrest leaned in for a kiss, when he'd thought−he doesn't know what he'd thought. Only that in that moment, he felt a hand around his neck clearer than he has in months.
He feels it still, as he gasps for air. He spent every second in the hospital, from the moment his father first lost his temper, waiting for the hand to close around him. And yet he couldn't stop himself from catching his dad when he stumbled, even as he expected him to lash out. Why can't he even fucking put a stop to that? Let go of this monster for good, cut him out of his life?
Because he's a coward, that's why. He presses his back into the shelves until it hurts so much he gasps out. Pain. Focus. Breathe.
He's a fucking coward, so of course he's not good enough for someone like Forrest. Just like he'll never be good enough for Michael.
Michael. His mouth on him, again, after months of fantasizing about that. His warmth, his unique scent, his breathing−but they're not alone, and it's too much, too fucking much, that's not what he wants. Alex's skin crawls like that day, and he scrapes his nails at his palms, like he wants to rip it off.
No, no. No. He can't think about that again. He's in the middle of a fucking supermarket, for God's sake! He can't go down that hole.
Get a fucking grip.
Tomato sauce. That's what he needs. Nothing else. He can put everything aside, like how he's going to have to spend hours alone with Maria in his house tomorrow. After being touched by her that way. After watching her touch Michael that way.
He can't even get a handle on his thoughts long enough to remember the tricks his therapist gave him to get out of a panic attack. Counting. Right. One. Two.
No. Counting backward, or in threes, or the brain just takes over. But where to start? Twenty? Is that enough? A hundred? This is too much. How do you count in threes anyway?
Fuck.
Vaguely, he realizes the hand tightening on his throat is his own, his body desperately clawing at itself to breathe. Did his father mix his meds on purpose today? He wouldn't put it past him. But what would his purpose be?
Alex hates it. Being put in this position, the only son in town who is supposed to care for his ailing father. He avoids his childhood home as much as he can, but he's still the contact listed for him at the hospital. He hates watching Jesse Manes struggle to move around and feeling empathy he doesn't want, how somehow this is one more thing that brings them closer instead of separating them. Dammit. His dad in this position because he tried to kill Kyle, after torturing aliens−people−for decades. Alex shouldn't be feeling empathy for this man. He should have watched him fall on his face today, and not even moved a muscle.
Like his father watched him fall too many times after his injury.
Manes men don't show weakness.
Why couldn't he? Why is he such a coward that he can't separate the need to keep his father close, to monitor his actions and find out more about Project Shepard, from his own feelings?
Why can't he let the shadow of his father's abuse behind?
Making out with a hot guy in public is only made hotter when it pisses off all the bigots and the homophobes.
Alex wants to retch in shame.
“Alex!”
Alex can't tell where the voice comes from, but he feels someone coming close and that's what pulls him out of his panic. Reality brutally refocuses. He goes right from foggy, breathless dissociation to cold hypervigilance. He stills, releasing his left leg to be able to use it to swipe at someone's legs, and looks up very slowly.
It's Kyle, crouching down in front of him, frowning in worry. He may have called his name several times already, Alex doesn't know. He's surrounded by fallen cans of tomato, and one of them has burst and send red sauce flying everywhere.
Alex flinches away when Kyle tries to touch him. Breathing burns his lungs, but he forces the air in. Pain doesn't matter. Pain is good, right now, making him focus.
“Alex, what happened?” Kyle asks, like he's speaking to a small child. Or maybe Alex is imagining that. Everything is slow, unreal, his body unfeeling except for the pain.
He tries to make his mouth move to answer, but he can't. He shakes his head in frustration.
“Okay, okay, I won't touch you, alright? It's okay, there's no threat here. Do you know where you are?”
Alex nods, and dips his head, avoiding Kyle's eyes. Coming back to reality just means more shame. He's sitting in the middle of a supermarket, pants stained with tomato, panting and−for God's sake−crying. He's ridiculous.
“Good, you're with me,” Kyle continues. “Was it only a panic attack, or is there something medically wrong with you?”
Alex just stares at him, uncomprehending. He can't put the words together enough to make them make sense.
“Do you need to go to the hospital?” Kyle reformulates.
Alex shakes his head, and wills his hands to stop trembling.
Without taking his eyes off him for more than a second at a time, Kyle starts to pick up the intact cans of tomato off the floor. Giving him space, Alex understands. When he crouches down again, Alex feels stronger, more anchored, even if his whole body feels like cotton candy.
“Think you can get up now?” Kyle asks.
“Yeah,” Alex rasps out. He holds out a hand, though, rather than try to stand up by himself in the mess of tomato sauce. He wouldn't trust his leg with that on a good day.
Kyle scouts over, puts Alex's arm around his shoulders, and hoists him up.
“What about−” Alex gestures to the mess, and his own dropped groceries.
“I'll tell a clerk, it's okay. Let's just get you home, alright?”
“'Kay,” Alex murmurs. He doesn't have the brain space to think about it beyond his embarrassment, anyway.
Kyle lets him lean on him all the way to the checkout counter, and quietly explains what happened to the wide-eyed girl sitting behind it. Alex doesn't listen to her answer, his focus still shot. He stares vaguely at a the packs of gum behind her instead.
“Let's go,” Kyle prompts him to move again.
Alex wants to make it out under his own power, or some variation thereof. He takes his arm back, but he stumbles at the first step, and he has to catch himself roughly on the counter. Rather than make a big deal about it, Kyle simply hooks his arm into his, providing discrete support.
Sometimes Alex wants to hate him for how considerate he is. Right now he doesn't even have it in him to be anything but thankful, though.
The store is just two blocks from Alex's house, so he came here on foot, but there's no way he's making it back. His leg aches something fierce, and his steps are uneven, awkward.
Kyle guides him to his car in the parking lot without a comment, and takes the time to make sure Alex is comfortable in the passenger seat before he drives the thirty seconds to his home. There seems to be no end to Alex's shame tonight, and yet Kyle somehow manages to make it as painless as the situation can be−physically and emotionally. He gets Alex into the most comfortable armchair in his living room, pants and prosthesis off, with minimum fuss and as much privacy as possible.
“Thank you,” Alex murmurs when Kyle finally sits down on the couch across from him.
“I can go, if you tell me you're going to be okay,” Kyle says. “But I can also stay.”
Alex bites his lip. No, he doesn't really want to be left alone with his thoughts. “Not the night,” he says. “But maybe for a minute?” He doesn't like how whiny his voice sounds, but he's exhausted. He curls up in the armchair, propping his right leg on the arm rest and tucking his left foot under him.
“Okay,” Kyle nods, though it's almost midnight. Alex feels bad for asking that of him, but he did offer. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“There isn't much to talk about,” Alex shrugs. “I'm sorry. I was just...tired.”
Kyle raises his eyebrows. “You're allowed not to talk about it, but please don't downplay it, Alex. This wasn't you being tired.”
“No, you're right. This was me freaking out over what tomato sauce to buy. But mostly, it's been a long day. Long week. Long...everything.”
“Your work?” Kyle asks.
“Not really. Not mostly. I've been, uh, taking on side projects, researching Project Shepard and Caulfield, helping you guys. And...my superiors were on base yesterday. My boss. And my boss's boss. And for about half-an-hour, I thought they were here to arrest me.”
“What?”
“It turns out that it was unrelated, but people are asking questions. Not my team, but I'm just a Captain, I still have to answer to people. And recently, I've had to cover up a shit-ton of things. Things that I could be court-martialed for and spend my life in prison several times over. You know this, you did the same.”
“Well, I'm risking my medical license for sure, maybe being sued by the hospital, but probably not jail,” Kyle says. “I didn't...honestly, I don't think any of us realized what you did for us.”
“For them,” Alex corrects him. “You're an outsider to them as much as I am. Tied up by shitty legacies and unwanted feelings for people who don't want us back.”
“You're right,” Kyle sighs. “I told Liz, before the surgery, I told Liz once that was over, I was done. But we all know it's not true.”
Alex gives him a commiserating smile. “In any case, Michael, Max and Isobel risk much worse just by being alive. I'm okay with doing my part. I have to admit that I started seriously questioning that when I learned that Liz decided to go ahead with the heart transplant when she thought you wouldn't be able to keep Max alive, because I had to pull in a lot of favors to get you that theater. That's when people started asking questions.”
“Wait, she didn't tell you beforehand? I thought she told you, or I would have.”
“I don't know if you've noticed, but Liz tends to get tunnel vision,” Alex shrugs. “Rosa told me.”
“Not Michael?”
“Nah, he was wrapped up in his family. We didn't talk.”
“What's going on with you two, anyway?” Kyle asks. “At Caulfield, you were basically flirting the whole way there, and now he's with Maria?”
Alex swallows. “Our...timelines didn't align,” he says. “My family destroyed his. I can't blame him for keeping me at arm's length.”
“That's bullshit, Alex. You're not your family.”
“And yet I brought so much pain into his life,” he sighs.
“So you're just giving up?”
“He's made it clear over and over that I'm not the one he wants. So yeah, I'm giving up.”
Kyle tilts his head. “There's something you're not telling me.”
Fuck. Either Kyle has become even more observant than he was or Alex is still so rattled that he's letting things through. Probably the second option.
Alex ponders it for a moment. He hasn't talked to anyone about that night. He hasn't seen his therapist in months, not since the nightmares and flashbacks Caulfield brought back up abated, and he doesn't exactly have a host of other friends to discuss things with. It's been a weight on his shoulders that doesn't live, that permeates everything. But then...this is Kyle. Is he really someone Alex want to talk about this with?
Actually, yes, he decides. Kyle has something of a unique perspective.
“We had a threesome,” he mutters. It's even more awkward coming out of his mouth than it is when he thinks the word.
“I'm sorry, what did you just say?” Kyle has his mouth hanging open. He's heard perfectly well.
“Michael, Maria and me,” Alex says. “After, uh, Maria and I went to see this boot maker, and he attacked us, stabbed me and went after Maria. She knocked him out and he's in custody,” Alex add hurriedly when he sees Kyle's expression become murderous.
“He stabbed you,” Kyle states.
“Just a little,” Alex shrugs. It's healed just fine, it will probably barely scar. “I'm fine.”
“You got stabbed, and instead of, I don't know, calling me, you had sex with your ex and your best friend. Your female best friend.”
“She initiated it, it's not like we came onto her or anything,” Alex raises his hands.
Kyle blinks. “Yeah, that's not what I'm worried about, Alex.”
“Then what are you worried about?”
Kyle works his jaw several times, trying to find his words. “Let's put it like this. Why are you telling me about it?”
“I...don't know,” Alex shrugs. It weights on his mind, and it needs to get out.
“How did it feel?”
Alex swallows. “Not great. I didn't...I didn't enjoy it. I thought−” he trails off.
“What did you think?” Kyle prompts him.
“We were coming off an adrenaline rush, and being with other people, with them, it felt...safe. I didn't want to leave. When Maria started to−I thought I wanted Michael enough that it would be okay, that I could handle it.”
“'Handle it',” Kyle repeats. “Alex, are you even hearing yourself right now? What would you say if one of your partners said they could 'handle' sex with you?”
“I'd back off right away,” Alex sighs. “But it wasn't like that, we were all consenting.”
“You'd just been attacked. You were injured. I'm assuming you'd been on your leg for a long time. Am I getting the right picture here?”
Alex shrugs. He can't deny it, but it doesn't feel right. Maria and Michael didn't make him have sex with them, he did it of his own free will. Sure, he should have left, but he hasn't been known for making the best decisions for himself, right?
His hands are shaking again.
“I could have left,” he says, his voice trembling. “I didn't want to, but I should have.”
“Okay,” Kyle says, physically backing off. “Don't spiral out again, it's okay.”
“I tried to go on a date, today,” Alex says after a few deep breaths.
“What happened?”
“Nothing. The guy is great. I just...he tried to kiss me, and I couldn't.”
Kyle frowns. “Why−oh, in public?”
“Yeah.”
“Does he know about your father?”
“No,” Alex shrugs. “Does it matter? We all have our bad coming out stories.”
“Your father is a little more than that, Alex,” Kyle raises an eyebrow, like Alex doesn't know that.
“It doesn't change anything. He's not ready to date someone who's not out and proud.”
“Except you are, Alex. You are out and proud. And honestly, with what you've been through, it's amazing how open you are. So maybe you don't wear glitter or dye your hair blue−”
Alex snickers.
“What?”
“Forrest has blue hair,” he says.
“The guy?”
“Yes.”
“Oh. Well, my point stands. You're not in the closet, you just have baggage. Heavy baggage, maybe, but it's not the same.”
Alex tilts his head. Kyle is not wrong, even if he hadn't thought of it that way.
“You think I'd look good in glitter?” he asks, because he needs to stop getting in too deep with his emotions.
“Alex, you'd look good in sack. Glitter, rainbows, crazy hair colors? You'd definitely pull them off. Green would look good on you. Or purple.”
“I think I'll stick to black, thank you,” Alex laughs. “But maybe I'll think of getting my ears pierced again. What about you?”
“What about me?”
“You suddenly seem to be awfully interested in queer fashion.”
Kyle actually blushes. “Um, I...I might have taken to hanging out at Planet 7,” he mumbles.
“You?” Alex asks in shock.
“I wanted to get away from Liz. And anything alien. Actually aliens, I mean. Not that it worked.”
Alex frowns. “Michael was there?”
“No,” Kyle shakes his head. “Not him. Fuck, I shouldn't have told you that.”
It takes Alex a few moments to catch up. “It can't be Max, so...Isobel? Really?”
“I didn't mean to...out her or anything.”
“It's okay, I'm not going to go shout it from the rooftops,” Alex says, because Kyle really looks worried. “Though you should definitely be careful who you tell.”
“I will.”
“What about you?” Alex asks.
“What?”
“Are you trying to tell me you're not as straight as you thought?”
Kyle hides his face in his hands. “I don't know, maybe? I don't...I'm really not sure. I never thought about men that way, but when I see the couples there, or the people who hook up...I don't know.”
“It's okay,” Alex smiles. “It's okay not to know. You don't need to have a word that fits right away.”
“Thanks,” Kyle nods.
“Anytime.”
“I was so horrible to you in high school, this would be a perfect opportunity for payback. Just goes to show what a good man you are.”
All the levity that this conversation has brought Alex goes right down the gutter, leaving him ice cold. “I'm not a good man,” he says through gritted teeth.
“You are. You're a good friend, Alex. A good person. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.”
Alex sighs and lets it go. It's not a conversation for one in the morning. “You should go home,” he says.
“Are you sure you'll be okay?”
Alex stands up slowly, wishing he had his second crutch for the trip over to his bedroom. “Look, I'll call my therapist, okay? I promise.”
“You do that,” Kyle says, standing up as well. Then, before Alex can completely process it, he opens his arms and closes them around him, careful not to make him lose his balance. Alex stiffens, unused to the contact, but it feels good. Safe. He relaxes slowly, bit by bit, and awkwardly pats Kyle's back with his free hand. “We'll grab a beer sometime this week, okay?”
“Sure,” Alex nods in Kyle's shoulder. “Would be nice.”
“I'll text you tomorrow.”
Kyle lets him go and fishes out his keys from his pocket, turning to leave.
“Hey, Kyle?” Alex calls after him quietly.
“Yes?”
“Thank you for tonight.”
“You're very welcome,” Kyle smiles sweetly.
*
Despite his exhaustion, Alex doesn't fall asleep for hours, and when it does, it's to restless slumber, full of vague nightmares. He drags himself out of bed at nine, two hours past his usual wake-up time, and spends the morning trying to force his aching body into submission with a mix of PT exercises and yoga, that turns too easily into a punishment. A hundred push-ups, for being so weak. The voice in his head is his father's.
As he stares at his counter come eleven, an hour before Maria is supposed to be there, he remembers something. He still doesn't have tomato sauce. Or pasta, for that matter, since he never got to pay for his groceries last night.
“Fuck this,” he murmurs to himself, almost smirking at the joke that is his life. There is nothing he wants less than to spend the day with Maria. He doesn't have anything to cook her, and the Crashdown is closed on Sundays.
No. He's not going to do this.
He eyes his phone, thinking of coming up with some bullshit excuse to Maria. He can think of a dozen that would work well enough off the top of his head, though she's sure to give him hell for it later. At the thought of even seeing her later, Alex grimaces.
No. He sticks his phone in his back pocket and grabs his wallet, his keys and his crutch.
Right before he leaves, on a whim, he grabs a pen and a pad of sticky notes and writes SORRY. HAD SOMETHING TO DO. in capital letters. He sticks the note on his front door and sets the alarm.
Maybe this is his breaking point.
*
Forrest looks truly surprised when Alex shows up on his doorstep. He had to look up the actual address, since Forrest doesn't actually live in the barn where they met, and the Longs have several properties in the same area. He wouldn't want to knock on an random door and run into Wyatt.
“Hi,” Alex says.
“Is that voice in your head already gone?” Forrest asks.
“Not exactly. I just...thought you should hold all the cards.”
Forrest stares at him for a moment, thinking. “Alright,” he says. “Come in, then.”
The house is really more of a cabin, small and wooden all around. The inside is very different from Jim Valenti's cabin, though, and it screams Forrest. It seems this man really is what he shows to the outside, an open book.
The opposite of Alex, in a way.
“Sit down,” Forrest says. “I was just making coffee, you want some?”
“Sure. Black, please.”
Alex sits down on a comfortable couch covered with a patterned comforter while Forrest pours them both mugs in the tiny kitchen area.
“So, what did you want to say?”
Alex takes a deep inspiration. Despite his coming here being a heat of the moment thing, he's tried to practice his words in his car. He's not good with words, but it all comes down to what Kyle said last night.
“You asked me about my PTSD triggers, yesterday,” he says.
“Yes,” Forrest agrees carefully.
“You know, the funny thing is that no one's ever asked me that before. Beside my therapist, I mean. Most of my friends don't know I have PTSD, and the one who does usually doesn't need to ask.”
“Alien guy?” Forrest asks curiously.
“No. My relationship with Michael is more complicated. He has his own issues.”
“Okay. So you want to tell me about your triggers?”
“How they relate to what we talked about,” Alex says. “Being closeted. It's not that I don't want to come out. Sure, I wasn't out in the Air Force during DADT and that was hell, but here...I haven't been in the closet in this town since early high school. Everyone who knows me here knows I'm gay, and I'm fine with that.”
“Then what is it?” Forrest asks.
Alex bites his lip, then takes the plunge. “The last time I really pissed off a homophobe, it didn't end well for the guy I was with.”
“What do you mean? Did you get assaulted?”
“Yeah, you could say that. He went at my...boyfriend's hand with a hammer.”
Forrest covers his mouth with his hand in shock.
“I was seventeen,” Alex continues. “It was my father.”
“Fuck, Alex, I−”
Alex waves it off. “Don't apologize. I just...I wanted you to know. I'm not in the closet. But ever since that day, I haven't been able to be with someone and feel completely safe.”
“Of course,” Forrest murmurs. “Was your father generally abusive? Or did he snap?”
“He didn't start hitting me until he figured out I was gay, but he basically raised us−me and my brothers−as if we were in basic training,” Alex says. “After the...accident, he made me enlist, and I didn't come back to Roswell until a few months ago.”
“That's, wow, that's a lot. I thought my family was bad.”
“There's no comparison to make,” Alex shrugs. “You're brave enough to be proud of who you are in spite of them. I...I'm trying to get there. But it's hard.”
“I get that,” Forrest nods. “I understand it better now. Something didn't quite make sense about you.”
Alex thinks of Michael, of aliens and the secret lab and his classified work. He thinks of his father in the hospital, and being unable to just let him fall. He thinks of last night in the supermarket. “I don't make a lot of sense,” he says. “Which is why I completely get that you don't want to try something with me. I just wanted you to know.”
Forrest pauses and looks him up and down. “You know, maybe...I've put my standards very high, because I've been burned too many times, but so far you met everyone of them easily, except for this one. Maybe it's unrealistic. Maybe I shouldn't let you go, just because you're not quite ready to kiss me in public.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I like you Alex. I really like you, and I'm guessing the fact that you came all the way out here means you feel the same. So maybe those standards were just me closing myself off from opportunities. Maybe I should give this a chance.”
Alex smiles.
#roswell new mexico#alex manes#kyle valenti#forest long#forlex#2x08 coda#anti malexa#trying to tag appropriately#tell me if i miss something#rnm s2#rnm fanfiction#mine#echo's fanfiction
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