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dark-dawn · 2 days

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❝ HEART RATE HIGHS !! ❞ – azriel x reader

✭ pairing: gym rat ! azriel x archeron ! reader

✭ summary: you swear you only have a gym membership for self-improvement. it’s definitely not to see the cute guy you have a crush on.

✭ contains: modern au, f!reader, college au, but age is vague, fluff, anxious!reader who can’t see that azriel is already a little in love with you, gym culture, alcohol, meddling sisters, because reader is terrible at talking to guys, mutual pining.

✭ word count: 3k+ ✭ a/n: i absolutely love gym fics and i couldn't stop thinking about azriel in a compression shirt, so if i have to suffer, so do you <3

“wait, did i hear you properly? you’re going to the gym?” nesta’s voice cuts through the quiet murmur of the lecture hall. heads turn, and the professor pauses mid-sentence, frowning at the interruption. you cringe at the sudden attention and whisper an apology, slouching in your seat to avoid the stares.

“you’re acting like i’ve just sprouted wings,” you respond, trying to keep your voice low.

nesta blinks, her surprise melting into scepticism. “well, it is out of character for you. the gym, are you sure?”

“yes.”

“really?”

you nod.

you can’t blame her for being doubtful. among your sisters, you’re the most averse to exercise. even elain, thanks to her gardening, could likely outlift you. but –

“i don’t know if i should be offended that you’re so surprised.”

“hey, it’s not personal,” nesta replies, her voice softer as she glances around the room. the professor had resumed teaching and students were slowly returning their attention to their notes. “it’s just... unexpected. i mean, last time i suggested going for a jog, you looked at me like i’d grown a second head.”

“yeah, well, i just figured it’s about time i start taking better care of myself.”

“what brought this on all of a sudden?”

you shrug, trying to put your thoughts into words. “i guess i just realised that i’ve been neglecting my health lately. with school and everything else going on, i haven’t been feeling so great.”

nesta nods in understanding, letting you continue. neither of you really cared about this class, after all, and it wasn’t the first time you’d been called out for talking through a lecture.

“i just thought it might be a good way to clear my head, you know? like, a chance to zone out and focus on something other than deadlines and exams.”

“if you turn into a gym rat and only eat chicken and rice, i’m disowning you.”

“you’d have to pry ice cream from my cold, dead hands,” you say, nudging nesta with a grin. “nothing can take away my love of carbs and cheesy fries.”

“uh-huh, sure. that’s what they all say until they’re posting pictures of their meal prep on instagram.”

“you have no faith in me, do you?”

“none whatsoever,” she replies with a grin. “but hey, if this gym thing helps you feel better, i’m all for it.”

“if i ever mention a juice cleanse, you have full permission to stage an intervention.”

“deal. and if you lecture me on the importance of pre-workout supplements, i’m kicking you out of the apartment.”

after your year abroad, you found yourself back at the university of velaris, settling into a new rhythm with your three sisters. the four of you had decided to share an apartment, a decision fuelled by equal parts necessity and nostalgia. it wasn’t long before familiar routines took shape amidst the chaos of unpacked boxes and endless debates over furniture placement.

besides, feyre had been spending most of her time at her new boyfriend’s apartment, leaving a bit more breathing room for the rest of you. you hadn’t met him yet, but you’d heard he came from money and his penthouse had skyline views, so you could hardly blame her.

nesta wasn’t a fan, muttering something about “trust fund babies” under her breath whenever his name came up in conversation. but feyre seemed happy, and ultimately, that was what mattered most, even if a twinge of jealousy occasionally crept in.

“you should come with me.”

“i would rather die,” she snorts. “doesn’t mor work out? you should ask her.”

“no way, i’d look even more unfit next to her. i have some pride.”

“wow, so you ask me instead. you’re such a bitch,” she laughs.

as luck would have it, the gym was just a 10-minute walk away, conveniently offering a discounted price for students. the only downside was going alone.

“but i don’t know how to use the equipment,” you groan.

“and you think i do?” your sister retorts.

“well, no, but at least i wouldn’t look like the only idiot.”

“just find someone with muscles and ask them,” she suggests.

“right, of course, because i’m so great at talking to strangers.”

nesta raises an eyebrow, her lips twitching with amusement. “so, what’s your plan then? to stand in the corner and hope the smith machine starts talking to you?”

“maybe,” you mumble, feeling a flush of embarrassment creeping up your neck. you didn’t even know what a smith machine was until this morning.

nesta lets out a dramatic sigh, shaking her head. “stop being such a baby and put a cute workout outfit on. you’ll be fine.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

you were very much not fine.

the blonde girl at the front desk, with her bouncing ponytail and bright smile that could probably power the entire gym, was very nice. she had given you a tour of the gym, showing you the rows of gleaming equipment and weight racks, and enthusiastically pointed out the array of classes available, from yoga and spin to high-intensity interval training.

she had, however, assumed you knew how to use everything, and you hadn’t been brave enough to correct her.

you had nodded along, trying to absorb the barrage of information she threw at you, but each machine seemed more complicated than the last, and you were positive some of them belonged in a medieval torture chamber.

but you could do this. if guys who couldn’t even spell “midterm” could end up looking like greek statues, surely you could handle a single gym session. you were smart, you were pretty. everything was going to be just fine. besides, you had watched enough fitness influencers on social media to have a vague idea of what to do. with a deep breath, you reminded yourself that everyone had to start somewhere – or at least that’s what your therapist had told you.

deciding to start your session with something familiar, you made your way over to the row of treadmills. incline walking was hard to mess up. the downside was that it made you feel like you were dying.

thirty minutes later, you were profoundly regretting your decision as you clung to the handrails, legs burning with exertion. sweat had beaded on your forehead, and you couldn’t help but curse under your breath.

with shaky legs, you made your way to the weights, steeling yourself against the familiar wave of self-doubt. this part of the gym was always crowded with an excess of men flaunting their egos, their grunts and posturing only serving to make you feel even more out of place.

you think of nesta and how she would never let anyone make her feel small. she would have your head if she thought you would let any man intimidate you.

deep breaths. everything is fine.

as you attempt to adjust the resistance on the leg press machine, your fingers fumble over the pin that holds the weight stack in place, causing the plates to clang noisily against each other. flushed and annoyed, you would love nothing more than to slink away in embarrassment.

“here, let me.” he crouches beside you and effortlessly rectifies your problem as if you hadn’t been struggling for the past ten minutes.

oh god, he looked like he could go viral on tiktok or be on the front cover of a fitness magazine.

and he was helping you.

stay calm. just ignore the fact that this might be the most beautiful man you’ve ever met.

you couldn’t help but steal glances at the way his muscles flexed beneath the fabric of his black compression shirt, each movement highlighting the definition of his arms and chest.

he was so pretty. you just hoped you didn’t look like you were dying.

“thanks,” you say, your voice coming out a little more breathless than you intended.

oh god, just breathe.

he flashes you a soft smile, “no problem. we’ve all been there.”

you’d like to say you committed to a gym membership for self-improvement.

(you would be lying.)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

before ever stepping foot in a gym, your taste in men was somewhat predictable.

you liked nerdy computer science guys you could play video games with and pretentious english lit students who gave you good book recommendations – the indoor sort.

they all tended to look like a light breeze could push them over. not the kind where you could steal their hoodies. and that was fine. you didn’t care, honest.

but then the cute guy at the gym completely ruined your usual type in men. you never imagined you’d be that into muscles, but he looked like he could toss you around like a rag doll, and you soon realised that you actually quite liked the thought.

you initially thought your crush would be harmless – glancing at him from across the room and playing out scenarios in your head.

but then he started offering to unload your plates, and showed you how different machines worked when you looked particularly confused. he would ask you to spot him, despite you both knowing you would be of zero help, and would refill your water bottle when he noticed it getting low.

he would even help to correct your form so you wouldn’t injure yourself.

that, however, had you so flustered you couldn’t even complete the full set. his hand grazing your waist made your heart pound so loudly, you were certain he could hear it. you wanted the ground to swallow you whole.

you told him you had to leave early to finish your essay.

and then, like the gentleman he was, he had asked you about it the next time he saw you, and let you ramble about your major for far too long. the worst part was that he seemed genuinely interested.

you didn’t even know his name and yet you were pretty sure you wanted to have his babies.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

“are you sure you really need protein powder?” elain questioned, picking up a bunch of celery for her green juices. “you can get all the vitamins and minerals you need from real food, you know.”

“but it’s so much easier to hit my protein goals with it,” you whined, clutching the tub of powder defensively.

“she’s only doing this because her crush drinks the same brand,” nesta teased, a sly grin spreading across her face as she tossed a box of granola into the cart.

“oh my god, keep your voice down,” you groaned, glancing around nervously. it was 10 pm on a wednesday. the grocery store was practically deserted, but you think you might cry if anyone overhears. “besides, it’s not just because of him. it’s practical!”

“practical,” nesta repeated, her grin widening. “sure, that’s the reason.”

“what’s his name again?" elain said, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

“i hate you,” you muttered, feeling your cheeks heat up. you tried to focus on the nutrition label in front of you, but nesta’s laughter made it impossible.

“come on,” nesta said, nudging you playfully. “you’ve been pining over him for months. when are you going to actually talk to him?”

“never?”

“you should accidentally bump into him and spill your protein shake all over his expensive gym clothes. it would be a brilliant conversation starter.”

“please don’t jinx me.”

“oh, and then you could do his laundry as an apology, and he’d buy you a coffee because he thinks you’re pretty!” elain chimes in.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

you’ve been working out long enough now that you knew the basics of gym etiquette. namely, don’t be creepy. a simple thing, really, but too many people struggled to act like sane, well-adjusted human beings capable of basic manners. it was as if the gym was some bizarre alternate universe where leggings made men’s brains short-circuit.

so you try very hard to not stare at your gym crush doing pull-ups.

but his biceps are flexing, his shirt is riding up, and you never knew you could be so attracted to someone’s back.

you feel like you’re twelve again – you want to write his name in a heart in your diary and talk about him for hours on the phone.

for the first time, however, you’re grateful you don’t know any concrete details about him. you would’ve stalked his social media, found out he had a girlfriend or horrible political opinions, and then cried yourself to sleep.

you’d really rather not know. hopeless yearning is much more to your taste.

but then he notices you across the room and smiles, and you realise your gym crush is very much not harmless.

you decide that you’ll be brave and actually initiate conversation for once.

a horrible idea, really.

“hey.”

“hey,” he responds.

“what are you listening to?” god, you didn’t think you were this awkward.

“oh, i don’t listen to music when i work out.”

“right, yeah, i totally get that.” you actually don’t understand that at all. the idea of exercising with just your thoughts sounds like a special kind of torture, but he doesn’t need to know that.

you fidget with the hem of your shorts, desperately searching for something else to say.

“so, uh, how’s your workout going?” he asks.

“it’s going okay,” you reply, the words tumbling out. “you?”

you want to disappear.

“yeah, it’s good too.” you swear you see a hint of pink in his cheeks, though it’s probably just from finishing his set.

your mind is blank and you have no idea what else to say. “great.”

you hope you look like you’re smiling and not grimacing.

this was quite possibly the worst idea you’ve ever had. you’re never speaking to a man again.

even if they are very pretty and look like they could pick you up without breaking a sweat.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

getting ready with three other girls in a cramped apartment was always a challenge. you loved your sisters, but if feyre didn’t get away from the mirror, you would scream.

feyre, always meticulous with her makeup, was painstakingly perfecting her eyeliner, ignoring the sighs from nesta.

“can you possibly move any slower?” nesta hisses, leaning against the doorframe with crossed arms.

you exchange a knowing look with elain, who was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, scrolling through her phone. she had opted to stay behind, and you were growing increasingly jealous of her decision.

“why don’t we just take turns?” you intervene, hoping to avoid a fight before you even got to the party. “feyre, you finish up, then nesta, and i’ll go last. sound fair?”

feyre finally steps away from the bathroom and nesta wastes no time in taking her place, muttering something about how she could do a better job in half the time.

feyre had been persistent about attending one of rhysand’s house parties for weeks now, and despite your and nesta’s reluctance, she had managed to wear you down. it wasn’t so much her persuasive arguments as it was the promise of free alcohol that ultimately swayed both of you. plus, you were a little curious. feyre had been gushing about her boyfriend for months now.

as you stood in front of the mirror, giving yourself a final once-over, you couldn’t help but feel a little nervous. feyre, radiant in her navy dress, was practically buzzing with excitement. nesta looked as though she’d rather be doing anything else, despite begrudgingly admitting that the three of you looked good.

you had opted for a short, tight-fitted black dress. shocking how regularly going to the gym could actually help your confidence.

feyre led the way, practically dragging you and nesta out of the apartment. elain, now comfortably nestled on the couch with a book, waved you goodbye. “be safe, and don’t drink too much!”

“it’s so cute that you think i could survive the night without being drunk,” nesta laughs.

the cool night air is a welcome change from the stuffy apartment as the three of you step outside to wait for the cab. feyre was already chattering about rhysand and his friends, while nesta had shot her a look that could wither plants.

you really needed a drink.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

rhysand’s apartment ended up being a thirty-minute drive away, nestled in the wealthier district of velaris, and you could see why feyre spent so much time here.

you could hear the music before you even enter, and it smells so strongly of alcohol you already feel a little lightheaded.

it can hardly be called an apartment in all honesty, it’s nicer than most houses and certainly surpasses anything you’ve ever stepped foot in before. it’s spacious, with an open layout that flows effortlessly from one room to the next. plush couches and chairs face a glass coffee table that is currently covered in red plastic cups and half-finished bottles of vodka. luckily, all his furniture was black. you winced at the thought of cleaning the stains that were bound to appear after tonight.

you noticed the floor-to-ceiling windows offering a pretty view of the city skyline, the twinkling lights stretching out like a blanket of stars against the night. you weren’t the jealous type, but you had the sudden urge to strangle feyre.

she had navigated the apartment with ease, her eyes alight with familiarity as she disappeared in search of rhysand. left to fend for yourselves, you and nesta exchanged a glance before setting off in the direction of the kitchen.

as you weave through the throng of people, you catch sight of mor, effortlessly manoeuvring between guests as she pours drinks. she seems completely at ease, flashing dazzling smiles and looking stunning as ever.

mor’s eyes light up with recognition as she spots you among the crowd. with a beckoning gesture, she calls you over. “i didn’t think you two would be here!” she seems genuinely happy to see you, despite only talking to her after class a couple of times.

“our sister is dating the host, so naturally, we’ve been dragged along,” you reply. “she’s off hunting him down now.”

mor’s gaze shifts between you and nesta, realisation crossing her features. “rhysand is actually my cousin,” she explains with a smile. “so, i’ve met feyre a few times now.”

“that’s unfortunate,” nesta laughs. you’re pretty sure she’s only half-joking.

you elbow her. “come on, don’t be mean. i don’t want to be kicked out after five minutes of being here.”

“are you sure? we could go get pizza and ice cream and not wake up feeling like we were hit by a car?”

“are you seriously the voice of reason right now?”

“hey, if you’re going to the gym, then i can be a responsible adult.”

mor perks up, her eyes brightening with interest. “you work out?”

you smile sheepishly, “i only started a few months ago.”

“you should join me sometime!” mor suggests eagerly. “i usually go with rhysand and a few others, but one of them hasn’t shown up in ages. it’d be great to have another girl!”

“speaking of which, i should introduce you to them,” mor adds with a grin before calling out, “azriel! cassian! get over here!”

and then you spot who is walking over.

“mor, what’s up?” a very familiar voice asks.

because, you realise, it’s your gym crush. it’s the guy you’ve been pining over for months.

your brain is really struggling to comprehend that he’s here, and he knows mor, and apparently rhysand?

has he met feyre too?

he’s wearing all black, like usual, and his biceps look even better in this lighting, and oh god, you want to melt into the ground before you somehow think of a new way to embarrass yourself.

your mind is racing a hundred miles per hour and you’re suddenly realising you’re going to have to avoid feyre’s boyfriend forever if he’s friends with him and –

and as your eyes meet his, and realisation flickers across his features, you’re really wishing you had stayed at home with elain.

or vanish into thin air. that works too.

“az, these are feyre’s sisters!” mor’s voice breaks through your thoughts.

you’ve finally learnt his name, you suppose, but you’re pretty sure you’ll have to find a new gym.

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lilacstro · 2 days

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Astro observations pt 1

Hey y'all this is my very first post :) Please take it with a grain of salt. These are just my interpretations and observations and a placement could mean million different things on how its being viewed and understood and nothing is sure on how it manifests for you in your chart.

Jupiter in 8th house can mean many things, one of them being your spouse would bring transformative experiences into your life.

2. Scorpio mercuries may have a tendency to over analyze what is being said or always wanting to read between the lines

3. I have seen Pluto in 5th house of all the people who's mothers were dominated. Though this can mean the other way around too, and could be that the mother was dominating.

4. I think other than most people saying Pluto 1st housers go a massive change in appearance, I think it could actually mean that their personality and persona goes a massive change at some point in their life, or its constantly being evolved through learning experiences

5. Venus in 1st house people, are extremely beautiful.

6. Check Asteroid fama (408) and industria(389) if any of these positively aspect your venus, you could get fame for your beauty or work within the beauty industry.

7. Most women with major scorpio/capricorn placements appear intimidating even though it might not be so...but they indeed hold themselves to high regards mostly

8. Having an earth rising in your SR can indicate having a calmer and a predictable year. Nothing chaotic or major. I had Taurus Rising in my SR and I had lost a lot of toxic/chaotic people in my life and things were stable and peaceful throughout. I was on a gap year so I did not make friends either hahaha

9. Having sun/moon in 10th house synastry or 10th house stellium could mean you both together are quite talked about or people are aware towards your feelings towards one another visibly. Sometimes it could also mean, you two's business isnt as private as you think lmao and people are aware on whats happening.

10. Having moon in 10th house in SR can indicate your emotions being extremely visible to everyone, even if you tend to hide them.

11. Libra mars people, might not come off as too masculine but rather a little more in tune with their feminine side (thats cool imo)

12. I think Moon in Gemini people often tend to say "I never said that" when they absolutely said that or "What do you mean" even when its clear what is being talked about lmao.

13. Leo women are usually very outgoing, charismatic and fun imo. Leo anywhere in the big 3 can mean that this side exists to the native though it might be overshadowed by other aspects in the chart. The types to dance at the empty dance floor and then suddenly everyone wants to dance lol

14. I was watching Nat Geo a long time ago and saw how lioness protect their children from the Lions and often go hunting. I think all mothers are protective of their children but for Leo women, its on another level lol. Also, they might like taking pride in their children and providing for their children. Not as in boasting, but just genuinely taking pride.

15. Cancer men and the love for their mothers. NEVER met a single cancer guy who did not have a lot of love for their mother.

16. Sag placements usually Sun and risings usually have a very comforting presence. Even it maybe like you met them for the first time, they can make you feel grounded and comfortable. Very non judgmental too.

17.If you have Saturn in 6th house, please try having a routine even if you might dread it lol

18. Capricorn moon men usually have very traditional or maybe orthodox beliefs about how women should be. I have seen that a lot.

20. Taurus Mars may like slow recreational activities like cooking.

21. Wanna know how you would react during a break up? See your moon+8th house sign. Example, a Leo moon with 8th house in cancer would be extremely emotional and everybody would know.

22. Girls with Libra Sun, Rising or MC may really like makeup and have good fashion sense.

23. Having your moon sign same like your mothers sun sign may indicate some kind of special connection between two of you. It could be that you understand her much better or could be that you don't get along at all too? idk there is something much special about it.

24. Sun in 10th house could mean your dad had a status in society. Could also mean, your birth could bring him luck in his career.

25. Jupiter in second house people usually come from wealth or hold potential to create generational wealth.

That's it :) I hope it resonated with you all :)

#astrology #astro notes #astro #trending #manifesation #astro observations #astrology community #astro community #astrology observations #astrology notes #zodiac #zodiacsigns #birth chart #horoscope #lilacstro #lilacstronotes #lilacstro observations

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https-milo · 3 days

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DATING IZUKU MIDORIYA INSTAGRAM!

details..!

instagram posts w/ comments about dating Izuku Midoriya

itsurfavey/n · 8w

1,456 likes liked by: pinkiethealien, crimsonriotfan, uravity_, creati

itsurfavey/n raise your standards ladies.

tagged: deku_

deku_ anything for you!! <3

↳ itsurfavey/n deku_ I LOVE YOU!!

pinkiethealien they don't make guys like this anymore, I fear

deku_ · 4w

789 likes liked by: k.bakugo, crimsonriotfan, uravity_

deku_ THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!

tagged: itsurfavey/n

itsurfavey/n OFC IZU!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY <3333

↳ deku_ itsurfavey/n I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!

k.bakugo 🤢🤢love🤢🤢

↳ itsurfavey/n k.bakugo someone's jealous

↳ k.bakugo itsurfavey/n die.

itsurfavey/n · 2w

2,649 likes

liked by: pinkiethealien, invisigirl, creati, rainydayfroppy

itsurfavey/n he surprised me with matching onesies :')

tagged: deku_

deku_ happy one year angel! :D

↳ itsurfavey/n deku_ I have a long big paragraph post ready to post 🥸

↳ deku_ itsurfavey/n i cant wait to read ittt (i have one for you too)

pinkiethealien oh god. they're gonna make each other cry with their one year posts.

itsurfavey/n · 2w

3,864 likes

liked by: pinkiethealien, uravity_, creati_, k.bakugo, chargebolt

itsurfavey/n happy one year to the love of my life :) One year ago today I made the best decision I'll ever make, saying yes to being your girlfriend. You are the light of my life and not a day passes without you in my mind. I love you sososososososo much, never forget that <3

tagged: deku_

deku_ :(( i love you so much its not even funny

↳ itsurfavey/n deku_ i love you so much more <333

k.bakugo this is what he was crying over??

↳ deku_ k.bakugo SHUSH!

deku_ · 2w

1,014 likes

liked by: k.bakugo, chargebolt, fanta.fero, uravity_

deku_ happy one year to my angel :D she's the love of my life and my never-ending spark that keeps me going. You will never find a girl as kind and funny as her. She makes my days so much better and every day with her is a blessing. I love you more than life itself <333

tagged: itsurfavey/n

itsurfavey/n IZU :'( i love you so freaking much

↳ deku_ itsurfavey/n i love you so much freaking more <3

uravity_ y/n collapsed on the floor and started crying btw

↳ itsurfavey/n uravity_ OH SO WE'RE OPPS NOW?

chargebolt k guys whos tryna get w me...

↳ earphonejack chargebolt no one, I fear

↳ h.shinso earphonejack there might be someone, I fear

Thank you so much for reading <3

#mha #my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha x reader #mha x reader #my hero academia x reader #xreader #anime #anime x reader #izuku midoriya #izuku x reader #deku #deku x reader #midoriya x reader #izuku midoria x reader #mha smau #izuku midoriya smau #deku smau

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hanni-bae44 · 2 days

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Title: The Dare (Jeno)

Pairing- Jeno x fem!reader

Genre- american high school football au; angst, fluff (warnings: teenage drama, cursing, alcohol, kissing, a little suggestive if you squint, a fight scene)

Word Count- 12.9k

Summary- It was only supposed to be a dare for Jeno and the team. Although breaking your heart was part of the plan, falling in love with you was not.

A/N- In hindsight, Jeno's dare is kind of dumb, but I love it lol. I also don't think I've ever rewritten a fic this much. Although I like this story, I’m sick of editing it so please excuse any mistakes if you see any and lmk :)

“Okay, everybody listen up,” Johnny hollered, as all the varsity players gathered in the locker rooms. He was the quarterback due to his determination and speed. He was fast on his feet, vigilant, accurate, and physically strong. He even got into varsity as a freshman and through his own hard work, he was able to get early D1 offers. As a result, he was also the one in charge of this two decade long tradition. “As always, it’s a new school year, everyone must master a task from this bucket of dares. Some might call it an annual initiation. Are you all up for it?”

Everyone cheered.

The team had just finished practice and the coach had left, meaning they had the locker rooms to themselves. It had been several weeks back from summer and everyone was determined to make this their year.

“Alright, let's wrap it up,” Johnny yelled, urging everyone to silence. “The rules are simple. Pull out a folded paper from this bucket of dares. Whatever it says, you must do, no exceptions. This is the principle in which all will follow. Everyone understood?”

They all roared.

Johnny went around one by one and made sure everyone had their note and read it to the whole team. He had a freshman from JV hold a clipboard and write down all of everyone’s dares.

“Everyone got a task?” Johnny yelled one last time before he made his way to the front. He waited until everyone said yes then pulled out the last paper for himself.

“Alright, let's see what fate has in the cards for me,” Johnny showed the folded paper to his teammates first and they all groaned in disappointment since the captain had such an easy dare.

“Great, I have to fill coach’s office with post-it notes.” Johnny rubbed at his temples. Coach was going to kill him. “Remember, you guys have until a week after our first game to complete this. I encourage all of you to be honest and keep your teammates on track. You will need at least one witness and a report of proof. You don’t want to know what happens if you are caught cheating . Alright, you all can go.”

Jeno stared blankly at his card when he left the locker rooms. Just how the heck was he supposed to break someone’s heart?

“You alright, dude?” His teammate— Haechan— asked him.

“Yeah, I just don’t know how I’m going to break someone’s heart, let alone whose heart to break.”

Haechan started to look around and pointed towards a group of people who were coming out of the auditorium. “How about that girl holding the instrument case? I’ve known her since middle school and she’s smart. She tutors at the media center every year after school. Ask her to tutor you for something, she volunteers there every Tuesday and Thursday.”

“Who are you staring at dude?” Jaemin asked as he patted Jeno’s back, joining in on the conversation.

“Y/N. He’s considering her for the dare.” Haechan snickered. “These dares are getting more unhinged by the year.”

“Tell me about it,” Jaemin groaned, staring down at his own fate. “How the fuck am I supposed to fill the pool with food coloring? I’ll get a month of detention or something.” The boy rubbed at his temples.

“Be thankful you don’t have to steal an item from the principal’s office. I’ll really get suspended for that shit.” Haechan said.

“You’ll be fine dude, just don’t get caught.” Jeno assured him. “It’s me that has the issue. Just how am I going to break her heart? It’s cruel to make her like me then break her heart, don’t you guys think?”

“You got soft dude?” Jaemin raised a brow.

“Since when did you care about other people’s feelings?” Haechan asked. “Just ask her to tutor you. Make her fall for you then break her heart. We’ll be the witness, just tell us when you do so,” Haechan grinned and Jaemin agreed, encouraging Jeno to follow through with the dare.

Jeno thought over what his teammates said.

They were onto something. This tradition of dares was going to burn them one day but was it so evil? Heartbreak was normal was it not? This dare was just for fun among the guys. And Jeno was always down for a challenge. He wasn’t about to back down now. Not when this was his last year to prove to everyone that he was worthy of his position on the team.

You were setting up the tutoring stations in the media center all by yourself again. The dismissal bell rang not too long ago but it seemed as if you were the only person that ever took this tutoring thing seriously. Everyone else just took their sweet time. And to make things worse, the copy machines weren’t working. You had just finished reporting the issue to the librarian when you turned around, nearly having a heart attack at the boy who seemingly appeared out of thin air.

Your hand flew to your chest to calm your racing heart while the boy grinned. “You scared me,” you grumbled.

“A juice for you?” the boy offered with a brow raised, tossing his juice pouch in the air.

You glanced down at his hand which held the apple juice in a bag the school gave out during breakfast. “You’re kidding me right? What? Had the juice been in your pocket all day or something? The trash can is over there.” You pointed out.

“You caught me,” the boy admitted with a smirk, shoving the juice back into his pocket. “So you tutor here often? What do you teach?”

You took a better look at him and noticed how he sported a football jersey. Just great, probably another air-headed jock who needed help passing because they slacked off in class. You sighed. “The school year just began but I guess you could say I tutor often. I tutor algebra, geometry, calculus, anything math related.”

“Oh, so you like solving problems?” the boy asked as he followed you from desk to desk as you finished setting up the stations.

“I guess you could say that.”

“Do you tutor world history?”

“Honestly if you need a tutor for something like world history, you just need to pay attention in class,” you deadpanned. “But if you really need help understanding, I think it’s Taeil who tutors in the history department. He hasn’t arrived yet but you could wait for him in the front. I’ll sign you in, come on.”

The boy followed you to the front desk.

“What’s your name?”

“Jeno.”

“Alright Jeno, you’re signed in. Tutoring starts in 5 minutes, you can wait here.”

“Wait. Can you tutor me for calculus instead?”

You raised a brow. “Don’t you need help understanding world history?”

“Nope. I’m good with history. I was just asking for a friend earlier,” Jeno insisted. His face had you doubtful but you didn’t care enough to press on it.

“Okay, you can just wait here then. I have to finish setting up.”

“One problem, I’m on the football team and I have practice in a few minutes, could you tutor me after practice?”

You refrained from rolling your eyes. Just who did he think he was? “Look football guy, I have a life too, you know.”

“Of course, but could you just make an exception? I can also meet you during lunch hour. Or any time that fits your schedule. Please? I can’t fail calculus, you know it’s a graduation requirement.” He flashed a tender smile. One that was almost too desperate.

“What’s in it for me?” You folded your arms. It wouldn’t hurt to entertain him while you waited for tutoring to start.

Jeno heaved a sigh before glancing around the media center to look for something, anything, to offer. His eyes must’ve scanned through a hundred things before they landed on your school bag near the desk with a Guitars for Dummies book sticking out.

“Are you learning guitar?” he prompted.

You narrowed your eyes, staring back at him like he was a stalker. “Yeah… How did you know?”

“The Guitar for Dummies book is sticking out of your bag,” Jeno pointed out. “I can teach you. I used to take classes as a kid and I’m still good at it now.”

“And what makes you think I can’t just get help from someone else?”

“Aye, come on. Trust me, I’m good at guitar. We both need something from each other so let's make a deal. You tutor me in calculus and I teach you guitar. If I can’t keep my promise, I’ll give you money for lessons. Sounds good?”

You thought it over as you stared back at the desperate jock. “Fine,” you grumbled. “Meet me in the auditorium tomorrow during lunch. Get your food, then meet me there but don’t be so late.”

“Of course, I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Jeno beamed before scurrying off to practice.

The next day, the football guy was entering the auditorium right on the bell with his food tray in one hand.

At least he was punctual, you thought.

“What’s up?” Jeno greeted, raising his hand to do a bro handshake.

“What’s up yourself,” you sighed, ignoring his hand. “We have one hour for lunch, let's just get started.”

“So why did you want to meet in the auditorium?” he asked as he got settled down. “Couldn’t we just do this in the cafeteria or the media center where there’s an actual desk?”

“The cafeteria is too loud while the media center requires a lunch pass which I’m assuming you don’t have. The librarian is strict on passes.”

“Do you go here everyday?”

“No. I’m usually in the media center. Now let’s begin, this small talk is cutting into your learning time. Show me your calculus notes and worksheets. Tell me what you understand and don’t. We’ll start from there.”

For the next week, you met Jeno everyday at lunch in the auditorium. Tutoring him turned out to be better than you expected. He was punctual and actually a pretty decent listener, catching onto the material faster than the usual jock would. You’d also get to know him a bit better and realize that he’s not the stuck up airhead you thought him out to be.

As for his end of the deal, you gave him your address so he could come over on the weekend to teach you guitar. He brought his little sister Minji along too but you didn't mind. You loved kids and you also had a little brother that she could play with. So while they played Minecraft together at the dining table, Jeno taught you guitar on the living room sofa.

“So why are you learning guitar anyway?” Jeno asked, having just gotten back from giving Minji a snack. You were both in the living room and he had just finished teasing you for renting a Guitar for Dummies book too.

“My dad used to love guitar but he died last year,” you started, “I was cleaning the basement a few weeks ago and found his guitar. I guess I just wanted to learn it as a way to be closer to him.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Jeno didn’t know what else to say. All he could do was look at you and pray that you wouldn’t start crying.

“It’s fine.” You sat up straight and held the guitar closer to your body. “So how do you play the E minor chord again? It keeps ringing out wrong.”

“The guitar isn’t tuned.” Jeno grabbed the guitar from you and tuned it by ear. “You were holding the guitar wrong too.” He helped you position the guitar correctly. “Now for the E minor. Second finger on the second fret, fifth string. Third finger on the second fret, fourth string. Let’s get you used to strumming first. You don’t have any callouses yet so your fingertips will hurt.”

The sun was setting and you figured that was enough guitar for the day. Jeno had been monitoring you attentively as you switched between some easy chords and strumming. You barely got anywhere today and yet your fingertips began to hurt exactly like how Jeno said it would. Who knew playing such a beautiful instrument would be so painful?

“It’s getting late but thanks for helping me.” You stood up and placed the guitar aside.

“No problem. You weren’t that bad to teach.”

You rolled your eyes before walking to the kitchen to grab some fresh tomatoes and basil to make a sauce. “I’m gonna make my brother and I some pasta, do you and your sister want any?”

Jeno looked at the clock then nodded. It wasn’t like there was food at home anyway. “Yeah, sure.” He then walked to the kitchen to stand near his sister and glanced around. His eyes landed on the big instrument case you carried around the first time he saw you. And It was open. “So you play trumpet?”

“Yup, I have both band class and marching band. Some games are coming up and I haven’t played since last school year so I’m a bit rusty.”

He nodded.

While boiling the pasta, you made the sauce and occasionally glanced at the dining table where Jeno played Minecraft with Minji and Niki. You couldn’t help but admire how wholesome and cute the whole thing was. You’ve never really liked jocks but after getting to actually know him more, you realized that he wasn’t so bad.

After dinner, Jeno offered to wash the dishes. “I’ll help you,” he had insisted and made his way towards you near the sink. His body was pressed against yours and his hand was on your waist to grab a nearby dishwashing glove. “You already cooked my sister and I dinner, it's the least I could do.” He smiled.

“I guess that’s fair,” you said while looking at him. His gaze was so intense, it made you nervous. “I’ll just hang with Minji and Niki then.”

The next week was the same. You would tutor him during your lunch period, but only this time he would bring you a cookie from the cafeteria, insisting it was a thank you for helping him pass his first test.

“I don’t see how you even have energy when you always skip lunch,” Jeno said as he pulled out the retractable seats in the auditorium. He hands you a cookie again.

“I just ate a granola bar while waiting for you, but thanks.” You began to eat the cookie when you noticed his eyes roaming your face. “Is there chocolate on my face or something?”

“No. I was just thinking. Have you ever skipped class?” he randomly asked.

“No. But I’m assuming you have?”

“You assume a lot of things about me,” Jeno said knowingly. “How about we break the rules for today. It’s Friday afterall. Let’s leave campus and get something to eat. We’ll be back before 7th period I promise.”

The rational side of you knew better. But then again, you were still hungry from the granola bar. “I don’t know. What if we get caught?”

“You won’t. I skip all the time. They never lock the gates near the back either. You can sneak back in easily and if an administrator asks, just give them one of these.” He pulled out a stack of hallpasses from his backpack.

“Don’t tell me, you stole them? You probably got written up for it.”

“You worry too much,” Jeno sighed. “Let's just have some fun today. What do you say?”

It took some convincing but Jeno managed to get you to skip class with him to grab food. He found himself enjoying your company as time flew by, now realizing that you were fun to talk to and tease. And to think, it only took him a little over a week to get you to warm up to him. Jeno was ecstatic.

On Saturday, Jeno came over once again to help you out with the guitar. Minji also tagged along and as you got to know her too, you found yourself growing quite fond of her. She was so cute and respectful unlike most kids her age. And just like last week, you cooked them both dinner again.

“Thanks for the chicken Y/N, it was so good,” Minji squealed, hugging your legs. You crouched down and gave her a hug, thanking her for being so cute.

“Thank you too, it was really nice spending the day with you,” Jeno admitted as he held his sister’s hand. It was getting late and Jeno was about to leave but he found himself lingering at the front door.

“You too.” You didn’t know what else to say but just look at him. You’ve never noticed it before but he had a small mole under his left eye and he even kind of resembled a samoyed dog. Cute, you noted.

You snapped out of your daze when Niki yelled, “Bye Minji, bye Jeno!”

“So I have a performance next Thursday. A concert in the auditorium,” you added hesitatingly. “We’re playing some really good classical hits and it’ll be nice if you and Minji came. If you want to though, no pressure. It starts at 6.” You didn’t want to make it seem like you were asking him out, but you did want him to see you play the trumpet since he apparently found them cool. Did you want to impress him? Maybe. You didn’t know why.

“We’ll be there,” Jeno nodded.

You bit down a smile. “Great.”

The next week, you tutored Jeno like normal except there was not much learning going on. Jeno would constantly get distracted as he kept bringing you random things. And eventually, the both of you would lose track of time, doing more talking than tutoring.

The day of the concert, you were nervous. You ended up rambling to your best friends Yeri and Xiaojun in the band room while you waited for the performance to start. The three of you have been friends since middle school and now as you were all seniors, your friendship was still as strong as ever. Well, as strong as it could be. Ever since Xiaojun and Yeri began dating, you become a third wheel more often than not.

“I can’t believe you like Jeno.” Yeri looked disgusted. “I heard he’s been messing around with that cheerleader Karina.”

“Yeah, be careful Y/N, don’t fall in love with him,” Xiaojun added.

“I don’t even know if I like him,” you clarified. “I barely know him but we’re kind of friends. At least I think we are.”

“You guys text?” Yeri asked.

“Sometimes. Just about random things.”

“No way. So you’ve been talking to him.”

“I wouldn’t put it like that. We talk but we aren’t talking.”

“Do you think he’s attractive?” Xiaojun asked.

“Kind of? I mean he kind of looks like a lost puppy sometimes when he’s thinking. It’s cute.”

Yeri fake gagged which made you giggle.

“He’s actually pretty cool once you get to know him,” you tried to say. You don’t know why you’re defending him because not too long ago, you swore all jocks were stuck up obnoxious jerks. You don’t generalize in other areas of life, but when it comes to sports? You did. You’ve encountered your fair share of bratty teenage boy athletes over your years of tutoring to come to this conclusion. The majority of jocks were annoying. But Jeno was different. And you felt it within you to defend him.

“I don’t trust him,” Yeri seethed while preparing her instrument for the concert.

“Me neither. Just be careful. If he hurts you just let me know,” Xiaojun said and put up his fists in the air as if he was squaring up on someone, making you laugh.

After the concert, you went to the band room again to put away your sheet music and trumpet. You also changed your outfit before making your way back to the auditorium to meet up with Yeri and Xiaojun. You also looked for Jeno. You tried looking for him earlier when you were playing but all the music stands blocked your view.

Then you see him. And Minji.

“Y/N!” Minji yelled as she lunged towards you.

“You were amazing, I didn’t know you could play so well,” Jeno said as he stood before you. “Here, I got you flowers, they’re kind of crushed though since I had it in my locker. Sorry I got here late too, I got out at practice then I rushed home to get Minji so yeah.”

“It’s okay, thank you. I’m glad you made it.” You were touched. It was your first time receiving flowers from someone. After a while of catching up, you changed the subject and turned around to introduce your friends. “Meet Yeri, my friend. Xiaojun is my friend too but he’s over there,” you pointed out.

Jeno recognized them from the day he first saw you but pretended like it was his first time. “Hey.”

Yeri didn’t even try to conceal her distaste for him. Not even with a face smile, just a scowl. “Hi.”

“Okay,” you interjected. “My friends and I were going to go out for some food. Do you want to come along?”

Jeno looked at Yeri who could never control her expression. It was obvious she didn't like him.

“I’m good, I should take Minji home, it’s getting late,” Jeno said, ruffling up his sister’s hair.

You nodded and reluctantly watched as he left the auditorium. Just what were you going to do…

Over the weekend, Jeno came over again and teached you how to mute, along with an easy strumming pattern.

“Why is the barre chord so hard?” you whined as you sat on the sofa in your living room. Jeno was beside you, guiding you how to play.

“It takes practice to build the muscle,” Jeno wiggled his pointer finger which made you giggle even though it wasn’t even funny. This was how it was when you were with him. He always made you laugh even if his attempts were lame.

“I actually have a surprise to show you too,” you beamed, pulling out your notes with the chords, “I’ve been practicing a song.”

Jeno clapped his hands together. “Let me hear it.”

You began to play Isn’t She Lovely by Stevie Wonder and strummed while singing along in a soft voice. Jeno thought you sounded beautiful. He couldn’t take his eyes off you.

When you finished playing, you wiped a tear that came down your eyes. “Sorry, I didn't mean to cry. I just miss my dad so much. He used to play me this song all the time but what do you think?”

“It was beautiful, you’re a great singer too,” Jeno’s eyes were filled with admiration.

That day he left your house like usual. Only this time, he couldn’t stop thinking about you.

You stared at yourself in the mirror before meeting up with Jeno for tutoring. You found yourself putting more effort into your appearance these days. You knew the chance of Jeno liking you back was low but still, you wanted to put on a bit of makeup, just in case.

Twisting open your mascara, you began to apply another coat on your lashes when the head cheerleader walked in. You didn’t pay much attention to Karina but you could feel her eyes on you as you reapplied your mascara.

“You like Jeno don’t you?” The way she asked was laced with venom or something. You didn’t like how she was talking to you.

“Why do you care?” You put away your makeup before turning to face her.

“He’s mine.” The way she said it made it sound like a threat. But you weren’t scared.

“Okay, sure,” you sighed.

She took a step towards you as if to intimidate you. “I’m serious. Sure he’s with you right now but you’ll see sooner or later. He’s just using you. Me and him are running for homecoming queen and king together, you can’t break us apart.”

“I just tutor him okay? So yeah he’s using me. You can go after him all you want, I’m not your competition so lay off.”

She then bursted out into laughter. Sheesh. Who knew someone so outwardly pretty could sound like an evil witch when laughing? She was delusional. You didn’t let her words deter you though. Sure, you might’ve liked Jeno but you weren’t ever going to act on it unless he did so first. And the likeness of him doing that? Slim.

You and him were just friends.

“You’ll see what I mean soon. Just remember, he’s mine.” And with that, she strutted out of the bathroom, leaving you in your thoughts.

You were trying to explain some concepts to Jeno but he wasn’t even paying attention. He just kept staring blankly at his worksheet.

“Jeno?” you repeated for the second time.

“Yeah?” He looked uneasy like something was bothering him.

“Are you okay? You’ve been distracted for a while now. Is something on your mind?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, what were you saying before?”

You repeated yourself. You didn’t know what you were going to do with him. He just looked so out of it.

The Friday before his first game, he had somehow convinced you to skip class again. He was starting to become a bad influence on you yet you couldn’t even find it within yourself to care. The two of you stopped by his house first to get his sports bag he had forgotten and then you both got lunch. The two of you ate in his car and he couldn’t help but notice how comfortable he was around you. When he finished eating, the two of you just stayed in his car and talked for what seemed like hours. Before he had to go in for practice, he turned to you with a serious face. “I have something to tell you.”

“Oh, okay. What is it?”

You were so clueless. So utterly oblivious. Jeno took a deep breath but it did nothing to help. His nerves didn’t subside one bit. He had to do this. He had to tell you the truth. It was eating him up inside and at this point, he didn't even care about the dare anymore. He just wanted to get it over with and hope that you’d understand and forgive him.

“I haven’t been honest with you, Y/N.“ Just promise me you’ll listen to me fully before saying anything?”

You held back a smile, not understanding why the conversation turned so serious all of a sudden. “Why would I hate you?”

“Because I-” You were looking at him so innocently. You’ve become such an important person to him, he didn’t know how to tell you the truth about the dare, so instead, he told you the other truth weighing down his heart. “I like you,” Jeno said softly. He felt like a coward. A heartless coward.

“I like you too,” you beamed.

“Good.” Jeno forced a smile.

The way your eyes twinkled made his heart sink. You truly did like him. This was going to blow up in his face so bad. He loved how flustered you were right now but at the same time, he felt so guilty. You looked at him with such admiration, he didn’t want to imagine your face filled with hate for him. He knew he had to tell you sooner or later but he couldn’t. It would break your heart and he wasn’t sure if he could do that anymore. He considered the punishment for not fulfilling his dare— that dare he was so sure of was in the past. But that was before he got to know you. The deadline was next Monday and Jeno was in trouble. He didn’t know how to break your heart and keep you in his life at the same time. Falling for you was never a part of the plan.

Later that night, Jeno’s football team won the game. After the game, the team went back to the locker rooms to converse and change. To celebrate, one of his teammates decided to throw an afterparty.

You waited outside of the locker rooms for Jeno. His teammates were looking at you weird as they walked out but you ignored them. The hatred you had for jocks was creeping back the more you saw his teammates. What did you do to them anyway?

Then you saw Jeno, and the hatred melted away once again. You embraced him in a hug. It was only meant to be a friendly-bro hug but Jeno held onto you way too long for it to be like that. The hug was more intimate than you had intended it to be.

“Are you okay?” you asked. “You look so down considering the school just won.”

“I’m just tired.” He smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He didn’t know how to tell you the truth and it was eating him upside. He didn’t want you to hate him. Everyone had left the hallway outside the locker rooms now and it was so quiet. It was his time, he thought. He could tell you the truth right now and get it over with. But then he looked at you, and you were genuinely worried about him and the words he wanted to say got caught in his throat.

He was at a crossroads.

“Jeno, what's wrong?” you asked him again.

“Nothing.” He lied. He felt like a coward. “Let's go to the party, yeah?” He held his hand out and you intertwined your fingers with his.

When you arrived to the house of his teammate, you stuck to Jeno. He asked you if you wanted to play Mario Kart or beer pong but you didn’t. You just wanted to be near him and followed him wherever he went. You even tried to make conversation with his friends although you could sense that they didn’t respect you as they kept referring to you as a band geek.

In a sea of so many people, you’ve never felt more alone.

“I’m going to play beer pong with the guys?” Jeno announced to you softly as he caressed your cheek.

“I’m going to go outside for some fresh air. Find me later?”

He nodded then kissed your forehead.

It was beginning to get stuffy inside the house and you just wanted fresh air. You were leaning against the exterior wall of the house when you saw some familiar faces come from the driveway.

As they neared, you recognized them as Xiaojun and Yeri.

“I thought you guys were tired,” you beamed as you hugged your friends.

“We were, but we also wanted to have fun,” Xiaojun added before walking into the house, leaving you and Yeri behind.

“We also wanted to see how you were doing, where's Jeno?” Yeri asked, while glaring at her boyfriend from behind.

“Jeno’s playing beer pong,” you began. “I just needed a break, it’s nice to have some fresh air outside”

Yeri tsked, as if she was disapproving of Jeno again. “That’s enough fresh air. Come on, let's go have some fun inside.” Yeri encouraged as she dragged you inside. You didn’t see Jeno on the way to the pool, but you figured he was just with the guys in the other room and forgot about him for a bit.

While it was fun, chatting with some people near the pool, it had been an hour now since you’ve last seen Jeno. “I’m going to look for Jeno,” you told Yeri before going back inside the house. You checked the bottom floor first before going upstairs.

You’ve already checked a few rooms but he wasn't there. Right as you were about to turn the corner, you heard your name. It was strung along with Jeno’s name which furthered your curiosity.

What could people be saying about you now? You hated how much your name was used in gossip lately. And all this because you decided to tutor Jeno.

A male voice laughed. “It’s been a month and he’s still with that band geek. The deadline is in 3 days, I wonder how he’ll break her heart.”

“Do you think she knows? I mean she has to, right? Why would a guy like him ever hang out with her if it were not for the dare.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, that freshman on JV told me. I kind of feel bad for her.”

You went up to a random boy in that group and grabbed a fistful of his shirt and forced him to explain. He seemed wasted, and just smirked at how you handled him.

“Hey chill, all I know is that varsity has a tradition of dares,” the guy slurred, eyes raking your body up and down.

You refrained from slapping him. “You’re saying someone dared Jeno to date me?”

“Yeah, apparently he had to make you fall in love with him? Something like that.”

“Nah dude, his dare was to break someone’s heart and he chose you,” another guy added with a laugh.

You loosened your grip on the boy’s shirt and took a step back, disappearing around the corner. You were devastated. They had to be lying. No way the Jeno you knew would do that. He was different, wasn’t he? Wanting some privacy, you opened the door to the room closest to you only to get the opposite of what you wanted.

Jeno was kissing someone on the bed. Not just anyone though. He was kissing Karina. Perhaps the most prettiest yet bitchiest girl at your damn school. The one girl everyone had a crush on. The one girl he apparently had a crush on too.

Yeri was right. Jeno was no different.

Right as Jeno saw you, he pushed Karina off and called out your name.

But you don’t listen.

Tears burned in your eyes as you ran out of the room and down the stairs. The music was already loud but it only amplified as the scene of Karina straddling Jeno replayed in your head. Everything just felt so suffocating. You needed fresh air.

You barely made it onto the driveway when you felt a hand grab your wrist.

“I know it looks bad, but it’s not what it looks like,” he pleaded with wide eyes. “I just got out of the bathroom when she showed up. I didn't even get a chance to move before she pushed me to the bed and kissed me. I tried to push her off and that’s when you came in,” he tried to protest but there was no justifying what you saw. Or heard for that matter.

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” you said calmly, as you yanked your hand away from him.

“Of course I do, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I really like you-”

“You must think I’m stupid Jeno. I know about your dare with varsity. And to make it worse, my dumbass actually fell for it. You know what? Maybe you're right. Maybe I am stupid.” You hated how everyone on the driveway was staring at you now. The attention made you humiliated.

His eyes widened. “How did you find out about it?”

“Does it matter? The deadline is in three days is it not? Well congratulations, you succeeded. Was any of it even real Jeno? Or was it just all a game to you?” It wasn’t even a break up. You and him were never a couple yet it felt worse than a break up. You felt so used.

“I promise it might have started out that way, but everything I felt for you was genuine,” Jeno pleaded. “I never meant for it to hurt you or get this far.“ He hated the way you looked at him. And he hated it even more that he was the one that caused it. He could tell that you were trying your best to be calm but he knew you were hurt. Especially with how guarded you were the first time he had met you.

“How could this not have hurt me? Was I that much of a loser?”

“No, you aren’t at all, it was just tradition, you know how it is.”

“No I don’t know. Did you really think I was so easy?” You took a second to calm yourself. You had to get away from this place before you completely broke down in front of everyone. “I hate you Jeno. I never want to see you again.”

But right as you turned your heels, he tried to reach for your hand again only to get a slap to the face. Leave me alone,” you warned.

Jeno deserved it and he knew it. All he could do was stare back at the anger fueled in your eyes.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Xiaojun interjected. He was making his way from inside the house along with Yeri.

You watched as Xiaojun stepped in front of you and guided you behind him.

“Xiaojun, it’s fine,” you tried to tell him.

Jeno rolled his eyes at how your friend always had to involve himself. “This is none of your business dude.”

Xiaojun ignored him and turned back to you.“Did he hurt you?”

“No, we were just talking. Can you just give me a ride? I want to go home.” And thankfully your friends took you home. You never wanted to see Jeno again.

Xiaojun and Yeri knew something was wrong seeing how visibly upset you were. You told them what happened in the car and they came to hate Jeno even more. To them, he was always the conceited player who shitted on everyone else. The typical jock. You thought he was different, but you were wrong. Truthfully, a part of you wished Jeno had chased after you that night, but he didn't. Of course he wouldn’t run after you, why would he? It wasn't like he actually cared about you in the first place.

The following week, everyone reported to the captain with their proof of the dares and everyone succeeded. It was a good sign that they were going to do well this season and everyone was ecstatic. Jeno had passed the initiation of some sorts, but at what cost? The girl he liked hated him. And he didn’t even know how to fix it.

Weeks passed and you were still ignoring Jeno. There were so many times he wanted to just walk up to you and talk. But deep down he knew there was no justifying what he did. As if the dare wasn’t enough to break your heart, you also walked in on him at the worst time possible.

It was the night of a home game, when you were reluctantly there with the marching band. Jeno snuck glances at you when you were marching across the field. You didn’t notice him but he saw you and he thought you looked beautiful under the moonlight. He knew he had to do his best to impress you tonight and win the game.

And win the game he did.

“What gives man? You look like someone ran over your foot.” Haechan patted Jeno’s back. “We just won! Let’s go!”

Of course Jeno was happy but he was also thinking. Were you paying attention to him? He scanned the crowd where the band sat and admired you. You were having a conversation with that Xiaojun kid and his girlfriend next to you but your eyes were on him. He smiled at you but you didn’t smile back. He let his friends push him around as they cheered. He wanted so badly for you to run towards him and hug him but things weren’t like that anymore. Instead, he felt the arms of someone else around him.

Jeno turned around to see the cheerleaders running up to the team and looked down to see Karina’s arms around him. He grew agitated at the sight of her and peeled her arms off his body.

“You did so well, come on Jeno, I’ve missed you-,” Karina got cut off by Jeno who told her to stop.

“Can you leave me alone for once? For fuck’s sake, can you take a hint when someone doesnt want you around?” Jeno was on edge and his voice was louder than he intended it to be. He knew that you were looking at him and Karina would only make things worse.

Karina scoffed, embarrassed since Jeno had made a scene. As much as she hated Jeno, she also wanted him. But for now, she left him alone.

Jeno sighed in relief when she walked away. He scanned the bleachers for you again but the band had left. You were gone.

Over the next few weeks, you remained inexistent in Jeno’s life. You began to dedicate your time to improving your trumpet skills for the upcoming performance concert. There would be another classical medley of songs and you needed to have the muscle memory to keep up with all the notes.

The day of the concert, it was gloomy but still, the auditorium was packed. You played your part as the composer directed, eyes following your sheet music.

After the concert, you went back to the band room to change and put away your trumpet before meeting up with Xiaojun, Yeri, and her mother in the audience.

“So what do you kids want to eat? Should we order pizza at home or go out for some real food?” Yeri’s mother asked the three of you.

Yeri was quick to propose a steakhouse and both you and Xiaojun agreed.

“Oh, I forgot my bag in the locker room, I’ll be right back,” you apologized.

You made it quick to the public lockers near the band room, not wanting to hold your friends up. You were struggling with your lock combination. It was right, left, right, right? Just why wouldn’t it open?

“You need help?” A familiar voice asked from behind your shoulder.

You turned around. Jeno.

“Hi,” he started. “Here I got you flowers, you did great out there.”

You looked down at the flowers then back at him. “What are you doing here?”

“Y/N!” a voice from behind Jeno yelled. It was Minji.

Minji ran to you and hugged your legs. “I’ve missed you Y/N. Why don’t you come over anymore?”

You bent down to hug Minji. “I’ve missed you too. I’ve just been busy, I’m so sorry.” You felt terrible, not knowing how to break her the news that you hated her brother. So instead, you pretended like everything was okay.

Jeno handed you the flowers when you stood up from hugging Minji.

“Thanks,” you sighed, reluctantly taking the bouquet. “I really need to get going though.” You turned back to your locker and tried the combination again.

“I’ve missed you,” he hesitated.

“Jeno, that’s not a good idea,” you sighed.

“Just give me one more chance. I know what I did was stupid but I really want to make things right with you. Please.”

You managed to get your locker open and grabbed your bag before turning back to Jeno. “I don’t know. Thanks for the flowers but I have to go, my friends are waiting for me.”

You bent down to Minji and gave her a kiss on her forehead before you left. You didn't know how to deal with your heart anymore. A part of you still loved him. But a part of you just couldn’t let it go.

Jeno was devastated that night but he understood. He left you alone after that.

The homecoming game was in a week and you had been practicing for what felt like years. The trumpet was heavy, the mouthpiece bruised your lips, and your fingers were cramping. You were over it. If it weren’t for your best friends who also were in band, you would’ve just taken a nap.

The weather was the topic among your bandmates the day of the homecoming game. It was perfectly chilly and breezy which allowed for minimal sweat for all the marching and playing you had to do.

It was disappointing to say the least– your school had lost. The fact that it was a homecoming game for your school made it even more depressing. No one from your school was in a good mood.

You glanced down at the crowd, eyes scanning the grassy field for Jeno who was being comforted by his teammates. There was sweat dripping on his face and a frown of anger as he held onto his helmet.

After the game, you were going to go home but Xiaojun and Yeri practically dragged you to the rival team’s afterparty. Xiaojun was friends with a guy on the other team and given how sad you seemed these days, Xiaojun wanted you to have some fun. Or in his words, drink, socialize, and forget about the boy. And that you did. You had two cheap beers and that was enough to get you just buzzed enough to let loose and socialize.

Xiaojun and Yeri made an effort to introduce you to his friends at the other school and tried to make sure you were comfortable. His efforts were appreciated but you still felt out of place. The music was loud and people kept pushing their sweaty bodies against you which became more annoying as the alcohol began to wear off. You made your way to the second floor to use the restroom which was locked. Considering how you heard some noises coming from inside, you supposed it would be a while before they came out. Frustrated, you searched the bedrooms and looked for another restroom.

While you expected to see people from your school at the party, you didn't expect Jeno to be there, but there he was leaning against the wall, looking all sad.

You turned around to walk away, but he called out your name ever so softly which made you halt. Just why couldn’t you walk away? Jeno grabbed your hand and turned you around. He had you pinned you against the wall with an arm beside your shoulder. “I miss you,” he said softly. His eyes were laced with something so delicate causing you to melt under his gaze. He was so close to you, breathing down your neck. The way he looked at you was so intense yet so soft and for a split second you could almost feel as if he might’ve actually liked you. “You have no idea what you do to me,” he mumbled, fingers trailing your jawline.

“Jeno. What are you doing?” You hated how your voice came out so low. Your heart was beating rapidly against your chest from the way he had you pinned. You could have pushed him away but you didn’t. Because a part of you missed him too.

“Will you let me kiss you?” Jeno muttered.

You hated yourself for wanting to say yes but you couldn’t help how soft his lips looked. You were about to stupidly say yes when you heard your friend’s voice echo. “Get off her, you jerk.” The next thing you knew, Jeno was being pulled off you. Xiaojun had come up from behind and fisted Jeno’s shirt, pushing him against the wall.

“Xiaojun, it’s fine, get off him,” you tried to intervene but your words rang silent.

“Leave her alone. Haven't you done enough?” Xiaojun hissed at Jeno.

“For the last time, mind your own business dude.”

Xiaojun scoffed as he tightened his grip, “And for the last time, leave Y/N alone. You’ve done enough. Don’t tell me you suddenly like her now that she's over you.”

Jeno pushed Xiaojun’s grip away and took a step closer to him to assert the fact that he was taller than him. “She’s not over me, just look at her, she misses me too.” His words came out slurred.

Xiaojun sighed. “I get it, the girl you played dumped you and you lost the game and you're angry, but genuinely, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

Jeno had frustration laced in his eyes, he hated when people pitied him. It was almost scary in the way he let out a bitter chuckle.

“Fuck you,” Jeno said as a tear rolled down his cheek. He directed a finger to Xiaojun’s chest. “You don’t know anything.”

“Then enlighten me. What could your problem possibly be?”

“My problem is you,” Jeno said with fire in his eyes. He shoved Xiaojun with both hands and he shoved back.

You couldn’t let Jeno hit Xiaojun like that. You ran to Xiaojun and placed yourself in the middle to try and get him to calm down before things escalated but Jeno had fire in his eyes. He looked back at you then at Xiaojun. He scoffed before walking away.

“Are you okay?” Xiaojun mumbled softly with his hand on your shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m okay. You didn’t have to step in like that but thank you.”

“Of course I had to, you’re my best friend.” Xiaojun pulled you in for a hug along with Yeri too.

Before you left that night, you saw Karina and Jeno together in the kitchen and she had her hand on his arm. You made eye contact with Jeno but you looked away as soon as it happened. It was only for a brief moment as you passed by but it still managed to make you feel uneasy. It shouldn’t have bothered you so much, but it did.

Lee Jeno was just so damn confusing.

The next day was homecoming and it was daunting to say the least. You weren’t even planning on going but you already bought a ticket and Yeri was persistent on how you shouldn’t let the lack of a date get in the way of your senior year plans.

The first thing you saw when you walked into the gymnasium was Karina with her arm around Jeno’s. You weren’t sure what hurt most, the fact that he looked so handsome in a suit, or the fact that he was here with the girl you hated the most.

Yeri saw you glancing at Jeno and his date and immediately pulled you to check out the food selection.

Looks like all homecoming had to offer was off-branded chips and cookies. Xiaojun and Yeri took a bite of the chocolate chip cookie before tossing it out. You couldn’t even blame them. They were stale but it didn’t stop you from stuffing your mouth.

In the meantime, Yeri poured you some punch and encouraged you to slow down on the cookies. “Brighten up, homecoming might’ve not been what you were expecting but it’s our last one, so let's make the most of it.”

“You’re right,” you sighed. “I just hate how I’m all alone and Jeno is with Karina. I still hate how dumb I was. I should’ve believed you right away when you said they were messing around. I just thought he was different.”

Yeri didn’t know what else to do but distract you. “Hey you love this song,” she cheered while wiggling her hips, “dance with me?” she reached for your hand.

You felt bad, not wanting to interfere with their night. “It’s fine, go have fun with Xiaojun,” you assured her.

“One dance,” Yeri proposed. “Babe, you too, you can find your friends later” she turned to her boyfriend.

“Fine,” you rolled your eyes playfully.

The one dance turned into one hour as the song kept changing from hit to hit. It wasn’t until the DJ played a slow song that you opted out of. Yeri and Xiaojun could take it from there.

You made your way to a vacant table near the back and watched as all the couples danced. Your eyes drifted to Jeno who was slowly dancing with Karina. You couldn’t help but compare yourself. You looked down at your dress that had rhinestones that decorated the exterior of the top. You didn’t even know why you got all dressed up when you had no one to impress.

Not wanting to look lonely, you poured yourself some punch then made your way out of the gymnasium to the hallway. You took off your heels before sitting down against the lockers a few steps away from the entrance. You didn’t mean to cry, but in the moment, you felt like crying. You took a sip of your fruit punch and let the faint music drown your thoughts. You stayed like that for a while.

Meanwhile inside of the gymnasium, Jeno found solace with his teammates. He needed to get away from Karina. She was starting to get on his nerves. Just how much could that girl talk?

Jeno had spotted Yeri and Xiaojun dancing to the music but you weren't in sight.

Moments passed where he scanned the whole gym just to look for you. He was about to go outside when Karina found him again and wrapped her arms around him.

The homecoming queen and king announcement was about to begin and Karina kept going on about how she was going to win. Jeno wanted to rip his hair out at how annoying she was.

A while later, Jeno, Karina, along with all the people running, came to the stage. Jeno wished the person with the mic would hurry up and announce the winners already. He didn’t care about any of it. Noy the dance. Not Karina. Not being king.

In the end, Karina was crowned homecoming queen and Jeno was crowned homecoming king.

Jeno scanned the crowd for you but nothing. All the clapping and cheering from his fellow classmates was only making him more frustrated. He never wanted any of this.

He quickly gave his speech and waited for Karina to make her speech. He was about to run off after the pictures when Karina pulled on his arm to whisper in his ear. “Give me this dance then you can chase after that bitch I don’t care. If you ruin this for me, you’ll regret this.”

Jeno glared at her threat and whispered back in her ear, “You better keep your promise,” he grumbled. He has never hated Karina more but he had to keep his composure in front of everyone.

As Jeno was slow dancing with Karina, all he could think about was you. He couldn’t wait until the dance was over so he could look for you.

“Y/N! There you were, I was looking for you everywhere,” Yeri sighed in relief. “What are you doing on the floor, get up.”

Yeri helped pull you up while you gnawed on the empty cup. You had been listening to the homecoming king and queen announcements outside the gym and heard how Jeno and Karina won queen and king. You were happy for them. Truly. “How’s Jeno? Does he look happy dancing with Karina?” you ask Yeri. A part of you wanted her to say yes just so you could get over Jeno once and for all.

“Not really, let's forget about him though,” Yeri sighed. “Xiaojun and his friends are going to get some real food though. How does burgers and fries sound?”

“I guess it sounds good.”

“Great, come on, Xiaojun is already in the limo.”

“Wait!” A familiar voice pulled you to a halt. “Please, I just want to apologize.”

Jeno froze as he took in how beautiful you looked up close. If things were different– if things went his way, he would’ve danced with you tonight. Instead, he had to dance with someone else and faced the consequences of his own actions.

“Come on,” Yeri rushed but you didn’t move.

You wanted to hear what he had to say.

“Please Y/N, I’m sorry for yesterday. I was drunk and angry. I know it doesn’t justify anything but please, I just want things to be okay with us again.” The way you looked back at him was so heartbreaking and he knew it was all because of him.

“It’s fine, Jeno. Just go back to Karina and leave me alone.”

“There’s nothing going on with me and her,” he said dryly. He felt defeated.

You didn’t reply and turned to leave with Yeri. There was no use in talking to him when all he did was lie.

The following week, the players knew they had an earful coming. The captain was conditioning and being rough on the players for losing. He did the usual for practice. The teammates were split into teams to do rounds then practiced offensive and defensive positions the following days. Only, it was more intense. Jeno was unfortunate enough to have a contact injury during practice.

A week had passed and news of Jeno’s minor injury spread like wildfire throughout the school. You saw him around the hallway and he looked fine but how could you be so sure? You couldn’t help but be worried about him. You tried to ignore his presence around the school but everywhere you turned, there was a reminder of him. The posters on the wall of him and football. The grassy fields and even the juice from the cafeteria reminded you of the first day you met him. He was everywhere.

“Are you okay?” Yeri asked you, pulling you out of your daze.

“What?”

“Were you thinking about him who shall not be named again?”

“Maybe,” you sighed, glancing down at your desk to see your blank notebook. “He got injured at practice last week,” you reminded her.

“He’s fine, don’t worry about him. Here, you can copy my notes,” Yeri offered, seeing how distracted you were.

“Thanks, I just need to use the restroom first.”

After asking your teacher to use the restroom, she gave you the hallway pass and you walked to the nearest bathroom which was in the building adjacent to yours. Eager to feel more awake, you splashed your face with water from the sink.

“How’s it going with you and Jeno?” a familiar voice asked.

You wiped your face with a paper towel then turned to the direction the voice came from beside you. Karina was fixing her bangs and reapplying her makeup in the mirror.

“What?” you asked.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” she sighed. “I said how are things going with you and Jeno?” she sighed, now leaning against the sink to face you.

“Why do you care?”

“I don’t. I’m just asking,” she shrugged. “He seems to really like you although I don't know why.”

“I told you there’s no competition. Just be with him already, I don’t care.”

She chortled. “I don’t want him anymore. I deserve better and quite frankly trash deserves trash.”

“Okay, insult me all you want, I don’t care. I’m leaving.” You turned your heels to leave when she said, “Jeno’s in love with you,” causing you to stop in your tracks. “What?” You turned around, not understanding why she kept messing with you.

She pursed her lips. “I guess he hasn’t told you yet… Although I don’t see what he sees in you, he seems to love you. You should forgive him.”

“He told you this? Word for word that he loved me?”

“Ask him yourself” she said, before putting her lipstick back in her bag. She didn’t say anything else after that and just strutted out of the restroom, leaving you dumbfounded. You took her words with a grain of salt. There was no way he loved you. As much as you didn’t want to believe Karina, you couldn't help but think about the conversation on your way back to your class.

After the bell rang, Yeri walked you to your next class. On the way, you couldn’t help noticing Jeno in the hallway. He was walking alone and looked so sad. He loves you, the words Karina said resonated in your head. It was driving you insane.

“Come on Y/N, don’t even look at him,” Yeri urged, but you couldn’t get your eyes off him. Jeno seemed to have noticed you staring at him too and jogged towards you from the other side of the hallway.

“Great, he’s heading towards us.” Yeri groaned.

“Hey,” Jeno said softly.

“Hi,” you replied.

“The bell is about to ring. I’m gonna go, are you going to be okay?” Yeri asked you while glaring at Jeno.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you replied and Yeri walked up the stairs to her next class.

“I know I already apologized, but I really do mean it. I'm sorry for what happened at the party. I don’t expect you to forgive me, I know it was wrong to push your friend and about what I said, I’m really sorry, it just came out, I was just so annoyed with myself and your friend acted like a jealous boyfriend and I don’t know what got into me. He was only standing up for you and I didn’t mean for things to end like that-“

“It’s okay,” you blurted out, putting an end to his rambling. The bell rang right after you spoke up. You didn’t completely forgive him yet you also didn’t want to hate him anymore. “How’s your head? I heard you got injured last week.”

“Oh yeah, it was just a minor injury. Nothing serious.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

You hated how awkward it was. Even when you first met, it was never this awkward.

Jeno gripped onto the strap of his backpack. “So are we friends again? Things will be different this time, I promise.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Jeno.”

“Come on, how can you just act like there was nothing between us? We were friends before weren’t we?” he pleaded.

“How can you act like I wasn’t just a dare to you Jeno? Do you think you’ll say sorry and everything will just be okay, we’ll be friends again?”

“What do you want me to do then? I can’t change the past, all we can do is move on.” Jeno knew you still cared about him regardless of how you were pushing him away. He just had to be patient and time would heal everything. He was sure of it.

“I don’t know. I just need time.” You were so tired of being mad at him. You wanted to forgive him, you really did.

“Take all the time you need,” Jeno nodded, before stepping backwards. “You know where to find me.”

And just like that, he strolled away with a piece of your heart. For some reason, you felt dejected.

The week before winter exams, you were filling your time studying. You had a stack of review packets from your teachers on your desk and you were exhausted. Perhaps you were delirious, even because you had no idea what you were doing but you drove to Jeno’s house. You didn’t know what you were even going to say yet but something inside you just wanted to see him.

When you made it to his front doorstep, you rang the doorbell, anxiously picking at your cuticles. You waited and waited. In a split second of realizing this was a bad idea, you were about to walk away when the door finally opened.

“Hi,” Jeno said. His hair was all disheveled and he was in a baggy hoodie and basketball shorts. He just looked so comfortable and huggable.

“Hi,” your voice was barely above a whisper.

“So what are you doing here?” He closed the front door and stepped towards you.

“I honestly don't know. I guess I just wanted to see you. Can we talk?” You took a seat on the bench that was on the front porch.

“Yeah, sure.” Jeno ran his hand through his hair before taking a seat next to you too.

You blew air into your hands as an attempt to warm them up. It was so chilly outside and it only made you more nervous as you chose your words carefully. “I don’t know why I’m here,” you admitted. “I’m supposed to be studying right now but I just couldn’t stop thinking about you,” you admitted.

“I can’t stop thinking about you either.”

You smiled at that, now glancing over at him and you practically melted under his gaze. He was so attractive under the moonlight and your heart only swelled.

“Did you even need help with calculus?” you began, referring to the day you met him. It was always on your mind to ask but you never got the chance.

Jeno sighed. “Honestly? I never needed help with calculus. I actually needed help with world history but you didn’t teach it so I just pretended to be bad at math.”

For some reason, his response made you chortle. “I had a feeling. You caught onto the material so fast. And if you still want to. Do you still want to be friends?” A part of you also wanted to ask him if he had loved you like Karina claimed but it wasn’t the right time. Another day, you supposed.

“Yeah, of course.” Jeno smiled.

The next week, Xiaojun came to you saying that Jeno apologized to him. That made you happy. Although Xiaojun still disliked Jeno, you forgave him. Your memories brought you back to the night you left Jeno’s porch after catching up with him. You felt like the weight in your heart melted away.

You spent the rest of the week reconciling with Jeno. You let him walk you to class. You ate lunch with him. You laughed with him. And you even let him back in your heart as friends. You really felt like he had changed. The night before exams, you even spent the whole day at his house, studying with him. You were cozied up on his bedroom floor, leaned against the side of his bed. You quizzed him on his classes and he quizzed you on yours for what seemed like forever before he called for a break.

“So what are you going to do when school’s out?” he asked, tossing his flashcards to the side.

“I’m not sure. I think my aunt and grandma are coming to visit. How about you?”

“I don’t know, but I’m nervous. I don’t know how the holidays are going to work out with my mom and dad. I’m probably going to have to go back and forth.”

“I’m sure it’ll be okay. Look on the bright side, two Christmases to look forward to,” you smiled, encouraging him to cheer up.

“I guess you’re right.” Jeno reconsidered and looked down at his hands in a pensive state.

“What’s wrong?” You scooted closer to him, pulling his hands down from his face.

Jeno glanced up at you then scanned your face. He hadn’t been this close to you in what seemed like forever. You were so close to him and your lips looked so inviting. He could hear your breathing and the sound of your heart thumping against your chest. Just for a moment, he wondered what it would be like to kiss you, so he did. He leaned forward and closed the space between you and him.

You didn’t know what to do but to kiss him back. You reached for his neck and pulled him even closer. The next thing you knew, you were on his lap and his hands were on your waist, not daring to go any lower. His fingers trailed underneath your top and his thumbs circled your bare skin leaving you breathless.

“I love you,” Jeno muttered against your lips.

“Jeno,” you breathed. Reality crashed back down the moment you looked into his eyes. You couldn’t do it. You couldn’t be here right now, knowing how you loved him too. You got off his lap and began to look for your bag. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this. I should go.”

“Wait,” Jeno jumped up.

“This was a bad idea. I just wanted to be friends, Jeno.”

“You’re lying to yourself if you think we can be just friends.”

“Well, we can’t do this Jeno. I can’t be with you.”

“Why? Is there someone else?”

“It’s not that. I just can’t, okay? I’m really trying to just leave this all behind us, but I can’t no matter how hard I try. I just need to go.”

Jeno didn’t chase after you that night. He couldn’t get over the fact that he had hurt you too.

Exam week passed by in a blur.

It was now winter break and Jeno had spent his days thinking about you and what you were up to. Jeno wasn’t sure if you wanted to see him too but he had to apologize for that night. He had to make things right no matter how much you pushed him away.

He took a deep breath before he rang the doorbell. His lips curved into a smile the moment he saw your face.

“What are you doing here?” You were surprised to see Jeno, but you didn’t exactly hate the fact that he was here. You knew that he’d want to talk eventually.

Before Jeno could speak, Minji called out your name and ran towards you.

Minji hugged your legs and she looked even more grown than the last time. You’ve missed her. “How are you?” you cooed as you kneeled down to her.

“I miss you so much Y/N. I wanted you to come over but Jeno kept saying no. He’s so mean,” she teased as she glared back at her brother.

Jeno walked towards you. “Hey.”

“Hey.” You forced a smile at him. You then looked back at Minji. “Remember my little brother? Niki is in his room playing Minecraft, do you wanna go play with him?” you asked Minji.

“Niki!” she squealed as she ran up the stairs.

“So what’s up?” you asked, taking a seat on the first step of the stairs.

Jeno followed, taking the vacant spot beside you. “I wanted to ask how your exams went.”

“They were fine. Is that all?”

“And I wanted to say that I’m sorry for the other day. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I know you wanted to be just friends but I thought maybe I could change your mind which I shouldn’t have done. I’ll respect your wishes from now on. I just want us to be friends again, that’s all. Nothing more.”

“That’s not why I’ve been avoiding you Jeno.”

“Was it because I told you I loved you?”

“No it wasn’t. It’s just- How can you just act like I wasn’t just a dare to you? Goddaamit Jeno.” Frustrated, you brought your hands to your face.

“So you still haven’t forgiven me..”

You looked back up at him. “I’m trying, it’s just everytime I look at your face, all I see is Karina on top of you and her dancing with you at homecoming. I thought I was over it but I’m not.”

He reached for your hand. “Can you just trust me this once? I have never messed around with Karina. That night I was using the bathroom at the party, she must’ve followed me and waited until I got out because when I came out of the bathroom, she just kissed me and pushed me onto the bed. I was trying to push her off when you came in. I was telling the truth that day. And that day at homecoming? It was the only way to get her off my back. I told her to leave our relationship alone and she agreed but only if I was beside her for homecoming. Haven’t you noticed how she’s left us alone now? I swear I haven’t talked to her since that night. I only ever agreed to run with her because she kept asking too and I really did bail on her at the end but then she made the promise and I really just wanted her to leave us alone so I went with her. Please believe me,” Jeno pleaded as he squeezed your hand in between his. So Karina was telling the truth. “And I know the dare was a shitty thing but I don't regret it one bit. If I never went through with the dare, I wouldn't have gotten to know you. And meeting you was the best thing that has ever happened to me this year, can you trust that? I meant it that night when I said I love you. I still do and it’s okay if you don’t love me back. I just want us to be okay again.”

You shed a tear when Jeno poured his heart out. “Okay. I forgive you. For real this time. But only because you have such a way with words,” you smiled.

“Good,” he smiled. “Because I love you.”

“Jeno,” you sighed. “I met with Karina in the restroom the other day and she told me that you said that you loved me.” You looked at him, hoping he would elaborate.

“I said I liked you, but I do love you too,” Jeno admitted. “I told her to leave you alone too but I guess she broke her promise. Did she bother you?”

“No. She was being quite nice actually.”

[ Flashback: The night of the homecoming party after the fight with Xiaojun ]

Jeno was tired of everything. He had lost the homecoming game and yet he couldn’t even find it within himself to care. Not when he messed up everything with you. He had his chance to make things right but then that Xiaojun dude just had to show up. He was so angry at himself. He wanted to just drink every thought away but then he thought about it. Drinking would just be useless.

He was swirling his drink around in his cup when Karina walked up to him. She smiled which caused him to roll his eyes. He was about to walk away when she grabbed at his arm, trying to convince him to see her as more than just a classmate.

“Come on Jeno, I’m right here. Can’t you see that I like you? I’ve been chasing you for years now, are you really gonna play hard to get still?”

“Are you that dumb?” He was tired of being nice as he went off in her face. “I don’t like you and I never will.”

“Is it Y/N? People are saying you actually fell for that band nerd. Is it true? You really did like her?”

“I do. And you know why? Because she’s a good person unlike you. I’ll never even as much as like you so just go away,” he spat, eyes boring in hers to make sure his distaste was clear.

“You’re still hung up on that bitch? Isn’t that pathetic?” she asked genuinely.

“Watch your mouth,” he warned as he diverted his attention towards Karina again. “If anything, you’re the pathetic one. I’ve tried to be nice but I’ve had it with you so move.” He pulled his arm out of her grip then began to walk away only to be stopped again by her hand. From the corner of his eye, he saw you leaving the house with your friends and stood frozen when you locked eyes with him. His heart sank when you diverted your gaze.

“Jeno-“ Karina pleaded, seeing how he was staring at you. She tugged at his arm only to be met with a grunt. “I’ll leave you and her alone,” Karina began in a desperate attempt. “Just go to homecoming with me please. Be homecoming king. Your name is already in the running and you promised me at the start. Please, just this once. Do me one last favor and I’ll never talk to you again after that. I’ll even help you get her back, just please.”

Jeno turned to face her. “You want to be homecoming queen and king with me that bad?”

“Yes.” She gripped his arm even tighter. “It’s everything to me. Just go with me for one night. Then I’ll leave you and her alone forever.”

“Fine. But don’t help me get her back. Do nothing. All I want is for you to leave us both alone.”

“Deal,” she was on the verge of tears, feeling utterly heartbroken because of Jeno.

“You better keep that promise,” Jeno said sternly and Karina knew better than to say anything else.

[ Present ]

You felt a tear trickle down your cheek after hearing how he defended you.

Jeno’s hand went to your cheek and his thumb swiped over the tear.

“I like you too,” you said with a smile. “And I love you too.”

“I love you too… So do you still want to be just friends or should we finish what we started the other day in my room?” He said while raising his eyebrows suggestively. Jeno was his usual self again, enjoying how flustered you looked right now.

“Oh my god, shut up. My aunt is upstairs, she could hear you,” you whispered after flicking his arm. “Come on, let's go to Niki’s room and see what they built in Minecraft.” You stood up, holding out your hand.

“Can’t we just go to your room instead?” Jeno whined playfully while grabbing your hand.

You rolled your eyes while trying to bite back a smile. “Nice try, but no.”

For the rest of the day, Jeno stayed over at your house and even met the rest of your family. He played board games and even watched TV with them too and they all loved him. Everything was starting to fall into place.

Even though Jeno had hurt you, it was all in the past now. After all, if it hadn't been for the stupid dare, you wouldn’t have met the boy you loved.

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silverwhittlingknife · 2 days

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hi Silver! o/ because that fanart made me wonder - would you happen to know when/where Dick's stuffed elephant plush Zitka turns up in the comics?

GREETINGS CAM <3333 THAT ART WAS SO CUTE

Yeah, I think your instincts are right - it's a truly adorable bit of transformative fandom, but I'm 95% percent sure it's not comics canon. Barbara has canon plushies, but I don't think anyone else does.

I got kinda invested in the investigation (it's hard to prove a negative!) and I ended up typing out an entire History of Elinore/Zitka, so, uh, if you're curious, meet me below the cut for:

Where does Elinore / Zitka - the animal - appear in comics?

Did Dick ever have a stuffed elephant toy in comics?

Where does Elinore / Zitka appear in comics?

We're gonna go in chronological order!

Dick's circus elephant friend was first created for practical reasons: in Batman 436, Marv Wolfman does a big expanded flashback to Dick's circus backstory as a way to subtly show us Tim before officially introducing him (so that we can have a technically-solvable mystery-of-Tim's-identity in LPoD). In this comic, there's an elephant named Elinore who loves Dick:

Aww. Such a cute elephant!

Batman 436 comes out in August 1989. New Titans 60 comes out a few months later, in November, and guess what? When Dick visits the circus, he is suddenly surprised by an unexpected blast from the past! It turns out that even though it's been years, Elinore still remembers him!

Here's the part where Elinore remembers Dick:

SUCH a cute elephant. I love her.

(Guess who else still remembers Dick even though it was so long ago. Guess which other character is about to be an unexpected blast from the past. Guess which character Elinore is directly paralleling guess guess guess sorry everything is about Dick and Tim in my mind but I can focus I swear)

Four years later, in 1993, Batman: The Animated Series retells Dick's origin story. They like and keep Wolfman's elephant, but they change her name to Zitka:

Wolfman doesn't return to the elephant beyond those two appearances, and a few years down the line, New Titans gets cancelled and Wolfman's not writing Dick anymore anyway. So the animal gets abandoned for a while, until Devin Grayson, a fan of both Wolfman and B:tAS, revives the Wolfman-era Titans team in JLA/Titans and then the ongoing series Titans 1999.

Grayson then brings back the elephant in a flashback to Dick's past in Titans 16 (Jun 2000), where she imports the B:tAS name. Sometimes I'm skeptical of TV-to-comics imports, but honestly, I endorse this one. You lose the alliteration, which is a shame, but IMO Zitka is a better elephant name than Elinore.

Here's Dick with the newly-christened Zitka in Titans 16:

Grayson also briefly references the elephant in Gotham Knights 20 and - in a final angsty callback - in Nightwing 88 (Feb 2004), where Zitka tries futilely to comfort Dick in the midst of his trauma conga line:

... And... honestly, I think that's it for comic appearances? The two Wolfman comics plus the three Grayson comics.

Both Wolfman and Grayson are writing multiple titles - Batman, New Titans, Titans, Gotham Knights, and Nightwing between the two of them, spanning a big chunk of Dick's post-Crisis canon - and both writers use the elephant for heartwarming moments of nostalgia, which means if you're doing a post-Crisis readthrough for Dick, Elinore/Zitka feels memorable. But I don't think she actually shows up that much.

For post-2011, I am not as well-informed - throwing this out to the dash? anyone know? - but I feel like Zitka the heartwarming symbol of Dick's heartwarming circus past is, uh, thematically very at odds with the Court of Owls evil!circus vibes, so my instinct is that this story element was almost certainly dropped in the reboot.

Did Dick ever have a stuffed elephant toy in comics?

In WFA, yes; in main comics continuity, no. Technically, I have not read every comic ever published, so I could be wrong!! But I don't think so.

Below, find my rambling reasoning on the tonal vibes of pre-Crisis, post-Crisis, and post-2011, and why this particular story element doesn't seem right to me for the first two.

Pre-Crisis (...okay, mostly the Silver Age): stuffed animal, yes or no?

tl;dr no, requires too much background knowledge on the part of the reader, plus the elephant wasn't a thing until later

Elinore doesn't get created until post-Crisis, but also just generally, pre-Crisis callbacks are more along the lines of this reference in Batman 129 (published in 1960), where, wow, Batman and Robin are hunting jewel thieves - and it turns out Robin recognized this strongman! BUT HOW?!

The comic goes on to recap Dick's entire origin story in flashback, on the assumption that you may not know it.

(BTW, if you'd like to know more about Haly's Circus throughout the years, nightwingology has a great post here summarizing a lot of fun plotlines and characters!)

Basically: Silver Age comics are very self-consciously episodic and kid-friendly; they're not generally gonna do overly-elaborate callbacks because they don't know what comics their kid readers may have randomly picked up or remember.

By the time of post-Crisis, comic books were being written for an adult audience buying from the direct market, i.e. readers who are collecting whole runs & don't need or want Dick's origin story to be recapped to us in full every time it's referenced. That's why in post-Crisis, we get stuff like "hey, neat, this particular soda brand is getting mentioned in several different books!!" or "in order to understand this story arc, buy SIXTEEN DIFFERENT COMICS in FIVE DIFFERENT RUNS and read them ALL ACCORDING TO A NUMBERED ORDER and also you better be following the individual plotlines and recognize these five minor characters who we don't bother to introduce!! Good luck!!" But the elaborate post-Crisis plotlines - and subtler worldbuilding like a stuffed animal callback to Dick's backstory - don't make a lot of story sense UNLESS you're imagining your readers as completionist adult fans.

So IMO a stuffed animal wouldn't be a pre-Crisis thing unless it was The Episodic Story Of the Week, and I don't think a stuffed animal is action-adventure-y enough for the fast-paced storytelling of the Silver Age. (Unless it, like, came to life and tried to eat you or something.)

Post-Crisis: stuffed animals, yes or no?

tl;dr: no, Dick's a manly tough guy, he's not gonna have a stuffed animal, that'd be lame, like something Tim might do

Part of the edgy grimdark adult vibes in 80s/90s comics is that some characters who used to be kinda silly & goofy & lighthearted - like Batman and Robin - get reimagined as Serious and Angsty and Edgy in a Tough Cool Manly Brooding Way. This massively affects characterization for Bruce, Dick, and Bruce and Dick's relationship.

(I obviously love this change & love the tense Bruce-and-Dick interactions, but plenty of fans of the earlier fluffy comics really disliked the edgy retcons of Miller / Wolfman / Starlin / et al.)

The upshot is that post-Crisis is a period when you could have a recurring reference like a stuffed elephant, but you wouldn't have a stuffed elephant, not for Dick. I think a toy like that would be too cutesy / childish / effeminate to give a male character in post-Crisis, unless you were poking fun at him.

Now, you could probably let Tim have a stuffed animal, because Tim is sometimes cool but also sometimes a tryhard loser who is faking being cool and not entirely pulling it off (see e.g. the Robin comic where he practices tough-guy faces in the mirror, or the Teen Titans comic where Conner discovers his cringy Enya CD, or when he's fanboying over Connor and it's awkward, etc etc.). A stuffed animal would be deeply embarrassing, and you'd have to be careful to compensate by having Tim do something cool afterward - but Tim's character concept allows for "he's kind of a loser sometimes."

But Dick isn't!! In post-Crisis, Dick's a tough / impressive / "cool guy" character, the kind of guy anyone would want to be, even in the flashbacks where he's Robin, and even in the stories where he's more lighthearted than angsty. It'd be kinda lame for Dick to have a stuffed elephant, so he wouldn't. I feel like Dick would be more likely to poke fun at it if someone had one, like when he's making fun of Wally for liking the Hardy Boys. Dick could have a Batman action figure, at most, and if he had one he would have it ironically.

Basically: in post-Crisis, a male character hugging a stuffed elephant feels more likely to be a punchline to me, not something poignant. (Even with Tim, Tim could have an embarrassing stuffed animal, but he couldn't hug it when sad - that's too far. Maybe Booster Gold might do this. Probably he wouldn't, but spiritually, he would. Sorry Booster ilu! <3)

Instead, Dick instinctively deals with his inner turmoil like the TORTURED ACTION HERO he is: by punching things and brooding and yelling and joining the mob and sleeping on rooftops and going on obsessive secret missions and acquiring Angsty Stubble!! Just like Batman!

(Technically I don't know if Bruce ever joined the mob but you know he would.)

Anyway as you know this is my favorite continuity and I am poking fun affectionately, but uh, yeah sdfsfdsfs. No stuffed animals.

Post-2011 / Infinite Frontier / Wayne Family Adventures: stuffed animals, yes or no?

tl;dr it's in WFA! Probably not anywhere else, but it could be.

Post-2011 stuff tends to be cutesier overall, most of all in the current Infinite Frontier era. So I don't feel like this would be tonally out-of-line with IF comics. Taylor tends to go for more meme-y references rather than fanfic references, though.

So the obvious best fit is WFA, which is aiming for a rough approximation of Silver Age family-friendly vibes - wholesome, episodic plots, Teaching Good Moral Lessons For The Youth, etc. - plus lots of Easter eggs for fanfic readers and some comic references.

And look, here we are:

Aww.

Whew - that's everything I could find!

Anyway as you can probably tell, I LOVE the elephant, so this was a very entertaining rabbit hole to go down, thank you <3

#dick grayson #anyone with more info feel free to chime in & we can crowdsource <3 #i do think the toy elephant is awfully cute though <3 #total digression but i was thinking about it as i was writing:#i'm fascinated by the ways that the post-crisis batboys & their stories can intersect with 90s masculinity and all its issues with stoicism #and i'm pro-queering and gender-bending - 90s comics were a total boys' club so i think it's neat that transformative fandom isn't #but i do love 90s masculinity and All Its Issues too & one of the things i find compelling about the dick-tim-bruce trio #& especially dick's place in it - is the unspoken hierarchy whereby bruce is manlier than dick & dick is manlier than tim #and so dick's in the middle as this somewhat softer-character who aspires to be a harsher & more stoic & ultimate manly-man character #caught in the middle between robin & batman & what each role represents #and like. batman is both manhood & the only desirable thing to be AND ALSO it represents this immense narrowing of possibility #because so much of stereotypical masculinity is about reducing the range of emotions you're allowed to have or express #and dick is both incredibly conflicted about bruce AND wants to be just like him & by extension is conflicted about masculinity writ large #so a lot of dick's interactions with tim veer between trying on a frat-boy-ish 'I'm The Manly Guy' persona vs. giving up on it #or trying on imitations of Bruce's Batman persona but also trying to backtrack out of it bc he doesn't like how it feels etc etc #ANYWAY i think what i am trying to say is that if tim had a stuffed animal dick would be entertained & poke mild fun at him #and call him 'teddy' for the next hour or something while tim got increasingly defensive about how the teddy bear was steph's #and/or about how the teddy bear was OLD and tim doesn't even care about it and also WHATEVEr i'm above this #and to an uninformed observer this might look like bullying BUT ACTUALLY #this ritual would IN FACT be very reassuring to both of them + tim would feel WAY better afterward than if dick had ignored it #because by poking fun at him dick shows he still respects tim enough to tease him thus subtextually exorcising the threat of wimpiness #plus allowing tim to defend himself & demonstrate that he can take a joke so they've both reaffirmed their masculinity to each other #& they don't have to be scared of the teddy bear and all it represents anymore #however also afterward dick would have a brief nostalgic flashback to when he was a kid & had a teddy bear & feel weird about the memory #because he would be unable to articulate to himself that what he misses is a past when he allowed himself to be vulnerable #anyway this wouldn't actually happen in comics but it's what would happen in my soul. you know.#ask tag #zitka

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ambrosiagoldfish · 2 days

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hi! can i request headcanons of Adam x Male Angel! Reader who is sweet, kind and never curses? preferly sfw and nsfw but if u don't write smut for Male Reader, that's fine!

hope u have a Nice day <3

Adam x Kind Angel Reader HC’s

Warnings: General Adam TW’s, NSFW in latter half of post, He/Him pronouns with Male Genitalia. Slight Degradation/dirty talk. Fluff + Smut

Request Box: Open

Word Count: 820

A/n: thank you so much for the request! I had a lot of fun with this one! I did make it on the shorter side but that’s only because it’s quite difficult to make Headcanon’s 1000+ words without other characters but nonetheless, I hope you enjoy! Also I decided to make this little header thing for fics! I’ve seen a few others do it and the GIF’s I normally use are becoming a hassle to find. Let me know if you guys like it!

SFW

Oh boy, this relationship really is a match that could only be made in heaven. No one would have expected Adam to date a man who is the complete opposite of him. If anything, people expected someone like him or even Lute!! But you? They never could have predicted that.

But what can you do, opposites do attract.

You’re always being so kind to him, telling him he looks handsome, helping him with any and all work he might have to do, and on top of it you bring him gifts and trinkets! Not to mention all the delicious treats you get him that are almost as sweet as you.

And to be honest, this really messes with Adam, cause you’re literally so sweet and thoughtful but he doesn’t have anything to give you in return besides sex. At least that’s what he thinks but in reality he gives you so much more than he gives himself credit for.

He plays you songs on the guitar, takes you out to fancy restaurants, and over all treats you with love and affection than any other has. But even if none of that was true, you don’t do anything and everything for him because you want something in return. You love Adam completely unconditionally.

The no cursing thing is something that genuinely gets on his nerves. Cause like, he could never. This man has the mouth of a sailor and the delicacy of a bull in a china shop. Which is one of the traits you love about him, that he says what he wants. But also you’re just like “Sir, this is not what The Father intended-“

“Neither was putting my dick in another guys ass but look, I’m still here bitch!”

And it especially bugs Adam, if instead of cursing, you replace swears with other words. Like the other day you stubbed your toe when landing on ground and Adam had fully expected for you to do what he does, which is scream the loudest swear and be pissed off at everyone for 20 minutes. But instead….

“OW Fudging chocolate chip-“

“JUST SAY FUCK”

So, ever since that day, Adam has sworn to one day take your ‘cursing virginity’, at least that’s what he calls it. And he try’s so hard to do so, which is a slight bit of trouble cause he doesn’t want to like, be a complete douche to you.

So until he figures out a way to get you to curse, he’s pretty stumped at the moment. But still, he absolutely adores you.

NSFW

Oh Boy x2

Everything I said previously still stands if not double the amount. This man wants to do the👏Most👏Unholiest👏Things👏To👏You👏

Loves to see your kind and sweet personality slowly crumble because of his cock.

‘Who knew you could be such a slut?’

He loves that your personality carries over during sex, you give him everything you’ve got and then some. You want to do your best for him after all.

Speaking of which, if you worship him in any way that man is cumming IMMEDIATELY. He really just wants to feel like he’s above everyone else, and Surprise surprise, he has a praise and you being the, oh so thoughtful person you are, you make sure to completely indulge that aspect of him.

You babble so much about how good his cock feels hitting your prostate over and over again. How well he’s making you feel like like the Good Boy he is. It really gets it him going.

Remember how I said he’s trying to make you lose your ‘Cursing Virginity’? Yeah well, this is how. He is SO determined to get you to spill out just one swear while he goes to town on you. Is it the most holy thing he should do? No. But how could he not fuck your brains out till you break your own moral code?

He tries so hard too. He has yet to get you there but he has come close. When he had you in a mating press, legs over his shoulders, your ankle’s lightly hitting the base of his wings with each thrust.. You couldn’t stop begging for him to cum inside you as you came for the Xth time in a row.

“Please Adam! P-Please! Fu~“ you cut yourself off with a hand to your mouth.

Adam looked at you with his signature grin, his hips not stopping their movements to pump himself in and out of you. “Was you about to say something babe?”

You held your hand against your mouth shaking your head ‘no’ clearly trying to make it seem like you weren’t about to drop the f bomb.

“Mhm, right~ let’s see if I can pry some other ‘naughty’ fuxkin’ words out of ya!” He laughs a wicked laugh as he switches the position so that he’s somehow even more atop of you. Leaving you a completely, moaning, helpless mess for him to dominate >:)

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel requests #hazbin adam x reader #Hazbin #Hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel adam x reader #Hazbin Hotel Adam x male reader #adam x male reader #hazbin hotel x male reader #x reader #x male reader #character x male reader #fanfic #character x reader #hazbin hotel smut #hazbin hotel adam smut #hazbin hotel Adam

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lemotmo · 2 days

Text

I'm sorry but I need to talk more about some general finale and Buddie stuff:

What was the point of wasting precious episode time to show some random neighbour walking around in the burnt down house?

Where was councilwoman Ortiz in this episode?

Why didn't Buck just show Tommy the door after that strange daddy kink thing? I rewatched it and... he really did say that he hopes Buck has daddy issues, right? To feed his kink. And I'm just... WHAT? I did read that right... right? I'm sorry, but what?

It did the job to highlight that Tommy is older than Buck and might have other expectations from this relationship. So at least there is that.

But still though... KRISTEN WHAT DRUGS ARE YOU ON? This is over the top, even for you.

Oliver Stark, why haven't you posted anything yet on social media? Is it just me or is Oliver genuinly not happy about his storyline right now? I don't know. He was so happy with Buck coming out as bi, never really talking about Tommy as more of a vehicle for his character to come out, talking about him as a 'mentor'. Now, his potentially beautiful storyline has amounted to this? Twenty minutes of boring scenes that end in a sexual innuendo joke?

I hope he is holding out for season 8, like the rest of us. He knows a lot more about this storyline than we do. If he is aware that BT is a means to an end to get the Buck narrative he wants and deserves, he will stick with it I'm sure. But it has to be annoying to know the destination and being stuck in a drab place on the way to that destination. Thank God he has shown us time and time again that he knows exactly where Buck's heart and interests lie.

It's also very telling there are no Oliver interviews after this finale. He didn't have much to work with this episode. The only scenes that made him liven up were with Eddie and Chris. The rest was uninteresting. There is no promo at all. No interview with Oliver and Lou showcasing them together as the new 'it' couple on 911, hyping them up, telling the audience excitedly where BT is going in season 8.

Watch them break up over the hiatus, just like Bucktalia. I really think it could happen at this point. I wouldn't be surprised at all. Keep Tommy there as a friend and mentor.

However, I have now read some of those Ryan interviews and WOW! Some of those Ryan quotes keep me going when it comes to the Buddie narrative. He is using a lot of gender neutral pronouns to talk about his possible future partner. The way he is talking about that future partner, makes me think he already has someone specific in mind for that role. Highly interesting.

I was talking about all of this to @buddiebeginz and she highlighted this specific part of a Ryan interview:

I mean, that last part? "The partner that's meant for me will find themselves and find me at the same time." That is so Buck-coded. I mean, if anything, this episode highlighted that Buck is still on that hamster wheel with this slightly older guy who is very much into sex, but not into feelings. Buck wants romance and genuine love. We know this because that's what he has been looking for throughout the last seasons. He still hasnt found himself, so as soon as he does, he will finally figure it out and find Eddie at the same time.

It's the only narrative that makes sense and would be satisfying to watch for Buck and Eddie. Let's just hope the show is smart enough to develop it further.

I just... overall this episode frustrated me so much. I feel like I want to hit something! I was ready to be swept away by great narratives and emotions. But I'm left feeling very unsatisfied about all of this. I feel like the season isn't done yet. I need one more episode to tie this all up and I know that I won't get it. AAAAH! I'm so annoyed.

#buddie #7x10 thoughts #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 spoilers

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pomefioredove · 1 day

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*does a little dance*

vil prompts you say? Can i get your take on Vil being confronted by Yuu's real and imminent return home? And it's their only chance too (ie. the portal can only be opened with a meteor traveling overhead and surprise surprise its passing NOW they have three days max)

*does a little jig, going away*

you guys love torturing this man omg. so much angst. I'm about to pour all my abandonment issues into him ikyk

summary: yuu leaving type of post: short fic characters: vil additional info: romantic, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu, angsty, post-book 7 author's note: my partner has been ignoring me for the past few days (I can't figure out why) so vil is about to experience pain, as he should

There are only six visible letters in lonely, and a thousand more hiding behind them.

The word carries such a weight with it, its meaning and its leaden implications, crushing the lungs of all who dare to shoulder it. It's a sore, tender sort of hurt, one that constricts the chest and numbs the limbs. Paralyzing, strangulating.

They say beauty is pain, but Vil has never felt more hideous in his life.

He had known; of course he had known. There was always a possibility you'd get your chance to return to your home, a world alien to him, and never come back. He'd been preparing himself for that reality from the moment he met you.

It didn't make it hurt any less.

Love is blind, but it's ignorant, too. Vil had pushed that thought to the back of his mind, covering it up with an if rather than a when, like throwing a veil over a tombstone. He had convinced himself that the chances of you leaving were slim, that when the time came, years from then, he'd be ready.

He wasn't counting on a few months.

"It works for about three days," you explain, a giddy smile on your face. He forces himself to share the expression. "The spell is so powerful, it can only be cast under specific circumstances... if I miss this, who knows when my next chance will be?"

Vil is an actor, yes, but this is different. This isn't something he's reading off a page to a room full of production assistants and actors. This is you and him, alone, tangled in an uncertain future with no ending in 12-point Courier.

His voice cracks. "That's wonderful,"

Sevens, is he selfish.

A part of him wants to slap you across the face and call you an idiot for even thinking about leaving him here, let alone being excited about it, but he can't even move his feet from where he's standing.

He should be celebrating with you.

He should be happy that you get to escape this terrible place. You get to go home, where you're accepted as you are, and loved, and where you belong...

But you belong with him. He accepts you. He loves you. Why do you need anyone else? What can they offer than he can't?

It's an egotistical fantasy Vil holds in the back of his mind for the rest of the day, one where you wake up and realize that your place is here, by his side, and not a world away from him.

He tries to convince himself it's not the end yet. Perhaps the spell will fail. Perhaps Crowley will change his mind. Perhaps someone else will overblot and throw the school into chaos. Each thought is more indulgent than the last, but without them, he might have lost his mind before noon.

What is he supposed to do?

Smile and wave while the only person who has ever understood and loved him unconditionally leaves him forever? Make a fool of himself pretending to be happy for you?

Every second without the certainty of seeing you the next day feels like an eternity.

It's wrong. He knows that. He can't keep you chained to the foot of his throne like a pet. You want to go, don't you? That's what you've wanted all along.

Once again, Vil only comes in second.

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #vil schoenheit x reader #this hurts me anon

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harrysgal · 21 hours

Text

I DIG YOUR CINEMA (2)

harry styles x yn aspiring filmmaker — social media AU

I know I’m just starting and don’t actually have much experience with this, but I’m actually having a lot of fun doing it and already can’t wait to post more.

About the smau: yn starts posting videos on youtube and is trying to build a career as a filmmaker. Things are going pretty well for her and she starts getting more attention when she creates content about shows she goes to. She’s also a fan of Harry’s music and some of his fans start getting suspicious when his team starts interacting with her.

Disclaimer: The story it’s set in 2021 and it will follow their relationship through the LOT leg in the US. Since this is nothing but fiction, I will be following some of the real timeline but also adding my own stuff. On top of that, I won’t be basing myself on Harry’s actual posts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PART 1 — MEET YN

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I DIG YOUR CINEMA (PART 2) — LAS VEGAS

liked by bestfriend, yourmom, mollyjane_x and 22,108 others

yourinstagram HELLOOOOOOO FABULOUS LAS VEGAS NEVADA

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user1 soooo… a new full time job that took you to las vegas? 👀 yourbrother Please behave bestfriend don’t get (too) drunk without me pls harryfan STOP FIRST LOT SHOW IT’S IN VEGAS

↳ harryfan2 She’s going to the show right???? I mean it can’t be just a coincidence anymore IT JUST CAN’T ↳ harryfan NO I KNOW THIS IS IT I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES

Aug 26, 2021 •

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liked by bestfriend, cuteguy, mollyjane_x and 22,451 others

yourinstagram you’d think a lady in vegas would be out there getting wild but this one actually has been locked in her hotel room for the last 27 hours overthinking her ideas and freaking out about this new job lol if any of you could send me a pizza or something id appreciate it. thanks.

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user1 nooooo you’re so talented whatever it is i know you can do it!! bestfriend yn ✋🏻 cuteguy Should I give you a call? 😊 harryfan17 I would too be freaking out if I had to work for THE harry styles lol

↳ harryfan16 we still don’t know if she is tho ↳ harryfan17 C’mon she’s in vegas and molly and jeff are following her ↳ harryfan16 still 🤷🏻‍♀️ tour doesn’t start for another few days so this could be just about something else ↳ harryfan16 also maybe she’s there because she wants to be and not bc she’s “working” for him. she’s done videos about several artists and she isn’t working for any of them is she? ↳ harryfan17 Well yes but she literally just said she was starting a new job so 🤷‍♀️ ↳ harryfan16 so everyone just assumed HARRY, out of all people, hired her? c’mon guys lol she could be working for just anyone and STILL go to a show. one doesn’t have to be related to the other.

Aug 28, 2021 •

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liked by anthonypham, bestfriend, lookitsnyoh and 25,103 others

yourinstagram fun fact: if you post something on the internet people around you might see it 🫠

guess im lucky this lovely group who still don’t know me at all cared enough to drag me out of my room and show me around the city. sometimes i get so caught up inside my mind that i forget how important human connection is — which is funny if you think most of my videos are exactly about that lol. so plssssss make sure to surround yourself with (nice) people. also get some sleep, drink water and feed yourself. it’ll do wonderful things for you!!!

anyway my mom was worried about my “not leaving the room post” so this is just me saying everythings good!! (i also already called her of course <3)

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bestfriend LOVE YOU harryfan the new followers the new likes 😭 it’s happening i knew it user1 so true bestie!! this reminded me of your 2nd video i think

↳ yourinstagram omg yesssss!! ↳ user1 ahh i missed your interactions <3 ↳ yourinstagram i knowww! promise i’ll try my best to keep interacting even if it’s not as much as before 💗

lookitsnyoh my belly still hurts from all the laughing

↳ yourinstagram and my mind is still rushing from all the talking ↳ anthonypham go to sleep you two

harryfan9 I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING BUT OMFG I’M SO HERE FOR IT

Aug 29, 2021 •

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liked by anthonypham, mollyjane_x, bestfriend and 27,257 others

yourinstagram sightseeing left me speechless. but here’s a picture from tonight.

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user1 omg you’re feeding us this week! i’m so happy you’re being active again <3 harryfan78 POST A PICTURE OF YOURSELF I WANT TO MEET YOU AT THE SHOW BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE

↳ user4 calm down pls? we like to behave as respectful human beings on this profile

bestfriend ❤️❤️❤️ bestfriend i’m losing my mind but i’m also so excited and proud! user7 I miss your videos :( lookitsnyoh when was this? where was I? bummed that I missed it!

↳ yourinstagram sorryyy just a last minute decision after dinner :( ↳ lookitsnyoh ohhhh makes sense now! Glad it left you speechless ↳ yourinstagram i mean the city is beautiful ↳ lookitsnyoh sure thing it is 👽

Sep 1, 2021 •

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liked by harryfan, harryfan2 and 15,157 others

fanwhometharry GUYS I JUST MET HARRY I’M SHAKKNG I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE NOW

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harryfan64 omg where did you meet him??

↳ fanwhometharry AT THE BELLAGIO ↳ harryfan64 is he staying there??? ↳ fanwhometharry NO!! I MEAN IDK?? I DONT RHINK SO I JUST MET HIM OUTSIDE AT THE FOUNTAINS ↳ harryfan74 hmm not tryin to be rude or something but that sounds like a weird place for him to be tbh ↳ fanwhometharry I FUCKKNG KNOW THAT?? I MEAN MY PARENTS WANTED TO SEE THE WATER SHOW SO I TAGGED ALONG BUT NEVER EVER THOUGHT ID BUMP INTO HIM THERE

harryfan62 you’re so lucky!! was he alone???

↳ imetharry I DONT KNOW?? I DONT REMEMBER I WAS SO NERVOUS ↳ imetharry I KNOW THERE WAS A GIRL NEARBY BC SHE HANDED HIM A PEN WHEN I COULDNT FIND MINE BUT I DONT KNOW IF SHE WAS WITH HJIM OR NOT ↳ harryfan62 who was this girl? Anyone from the LOT crew? ↳ imetharry IDK I JUST SAID I DONT EVEN KNOW IF SHE WAS WITH HIM OR NOT 😭

harryfan15 Hi hun! Don’t listen to people, they're just jealous. It was really sweet of him to sign that for you! Hope you have a great time at the show 💕

↳ imetharry THANK YOU 😭😭 HE WAS THERE JUST WATCHING LIKE A NORMAL PERSON SO I DIDN’T WANT TO TAKE A PIC IF PEOPLE DON’T BELIEVE ME THEN I DON’T CARE I KNOW IT’S REAL 😭😭

Sep 1, 2021 •

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liked by gemmastyles, anthonypham, jefezoff and 35,109 others

yourinstagram having to keep this secret from the world was the most cruelest thing that anyone has ever done to me. but whatever… it’s fine… i’m okay… i’m just gonna pretend this wasn’t a big deal and i didn’t just watch one of my favorite artists perform my favorite songs… and then i’ll just casually say: pls stay tuned for next wednesday when my new video will be up 😇

(i��ll be back and share more details once my serotonin levels have normalized again)

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bestfriend i love you so much thank you for representing us so well harryfan I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT OMFG I CANT WAIT I KNEW IT harryfan2 YN KASDHUHHD PLS OMFG YOU CAN’T JUST SAY THIS AND LEAVE user1 😲 i can’t wait for this one! harrystyles soz

↳ harryfan OMFG HARRY ↳ harryfan5 ?????????????????????????? ↳ harryfan3 AUIDHIAUSHDBAJH WTF ↳ harryfan9 ARE YOU F KIDDING ME WHATS HE DOING HERE

cuteguy Nice! Glad you’re having a good time darling.

Sep 4, 2021 •

— — — — —

PART 3: DENVER

— — — — —

If you happen to read and enjoy this, pls let me know? 🙏 thanks!! it would be nice to know if this is working, or what else would people would like to see.

#harry styles fake social media #harry styles social media au #harry styles fake ig #harry styles fake instagram #harry x reader #harry styles fanfic #harry styles smau #harry styles fic #harry styles fluff #harry styles writing

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misc-obeyme · 3 days

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so i was just thinking. solomon's like super in love with mc right? so that would mean he'd have a soft spot for them and would be nicer to some extent towards the mc. but like, how much contrast? i've seen instances where he's straight up sarcastic, snarky or "lmao idc" to some extent with other characters, and do you think if the same instance took place w mc as the subject he'd act the same way? most probably not right? as an ardent solomon lover, i just find the thought funny that it would be a running joke (it more or less is a thing with all characters and mc anyway but im just imagining it w solomon) amongst everyone about how nice solomon is with mc but is whatever w everyone. to what extent do u think is the contrast in character? how nice do u think he is in general, because i see many posts about how lovely he is to mc but is it the same with everyone? and how much sweeter do u think he is to us?? i just love thinking abt this because like...im so specialz yay pls love me solomon :')

Oh yeah. Solomon is notoriously down bad for MC. (At least, this is my opinion and I know others feel the same way.)

And I think this translates most in that he does things or acts a certain way with MC that he doesn't do with the others.

He has a general respect for most of the other characters and I think he keeps things civil. Some of them he likes more than others. But in a general sense, Solomon is a smart and powerful guy who is likely always aware of the fact that he's a human among demons and angels. I think he tends to hold everybody else at arm's length out of a sense of self preservation. He eventually opens up more as the story progresses and he becomes more friendly with everyone.

But he doesn't let anyone get as close to him as MC.

I don't know if I'd say he's nicer to MC, necessarily. I would say that he has more trust for MC. He tells MC things he would never tell anyone else. He's also very protective of MC. He's unlikely to go out of his way to protect the others or to defend them to people. But with MC? He shows up when they need him. He stands up for them even when they aren't around.

And I'd say that Solomon would do anything for MC. The others might ask him for help and he's often willing to give it, but he has no problem saying no to any of them (except perhaps Asmo, but even then I think he would if it was a big deal). But for MC, Solomon would lay down his life. Nobody can convince me that a man who would travel back in time just to help bring MC back wouldn't also take a bullet for them if it came down to that.

I don't think a situation like that would ever actually happen. And I also think that Solomon would try to find other ways of fixing things - like I said, this man is smart.

Still I think perhaps the most obvious evidence of him treating MC differently comes down to how much he's been willing to tell them about himself. He's told MC about his childhood, his loneliness, the way MC reminds him of his humanity, how he's jealous of the brothers. He's said these things to MC directly. He's honest and forthright with them.

Not that he lies to everybody else - in fact, I think he's a pretty terrible liar. But he keeps his secrets. He just doesn't tell them to anyone else.

Sure, he still has some secrets from MC. But I think he's keeping them because doing so is keeping MC safe. And I think in the end, he'll tell MC everything.

And THAT is the biggest difference. Solomon loves MC, but Solomon also trusts MC with the deepest truths of himself.

#well that's how I see it #oh anon you're giving me Sol feels now #I wanna write about him more than I have lately #obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me solomon #anon asks #misc answers

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lycheedr3ams · 3 days

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Ahhh please please yes könig analysis and characterization please 🙏🏾

I feel so bad, I forgot to respond to this when I posted my first König character analysis post. Here's the second one!

König Character Analysis

Part 1: His past | Part 2: König's MBTI

I know the validity of the MBTI/16 personalities is debated in the psychology world, but I personally think it can be a good baseline guide to understanding someone's personality. My MBTI is accurate for me and a lot of people I know, so I wanted to do König's. The MBTI is a personality assessment based on the following traits: introvert/extrovert, sensing/intuition, thinking/feeling, and judging/perceiving. you can take a test to see which traits you fit (I like this one) for example, I'm INTJ: introvert, intuition, thinking, and judging. see here for more detailed info (I take quotes from this source throughout the post)

I think König's MBTI is...ISTJ (more details at end of post)

Introvert is obvious, we all know könig prefers to be alone. it's never explicitly stated, but heavily implied based off his bio about being bullied and misunderstood. he also wears a sniper hood all the time. mans is not social

Sensing may be less obvious, but this is what it is: "People who prefer sensing tend to pay a great deal of attention to reality, particularly to what they can learn from their own senses. They tend to focus on facts and details and enjoy getting hands-on experience." I think this makes the most sense for konig. as someone who has been bullied and needs to be hyper alert to stay alive at work, sensing makes much more sense for him than intuition. konig doesn't seem like someone who has much intuition, or even trusts in such things. Being Austrian, konig is also likely very practical and to the point, so he wouldn't have any need or place value in an intangible thing like intuition.

Thinking is obvious for konig, I think. I'm not saying konig doesn't have emotions of course, but he doesn't seem like the type of person to live by his heart. Again likely a cultural difference, Konig would be practical and value facts over feelings. About people who are thinking: "They tend to be consistent, logical, and impersonal when weighing a decision." Also as a mercenary, there isn't any room for emotionally-charged decisions. Konig is for sure a thinker. I don't think a feeler would do well as a mercenary personally.

Judging suits konig better than perceiving: "Those who lean toward judging prefer structure and firm decisions." Of course konig values structure, he went into the military when he was 17! This is also another cultural thing most likely, since Austrians tend to be very formal and respect hierarchy. I'm not saying every Austrian is like this, but you get me. Also as a mercenary, konig must make firm decisions, unlike perceivers who "lean toward perceiving are more open, flexible, and adaptable." I don't think konig is the type of guy to sit down and have a democratic discussion. it's his way or the highway and you can't change my mind (unless it's coming from a higher-ranking officer). konig knows he's damn good at what he does, and he's going to make the best decisions for the team. listen to his voice dialogues, he's constantly telling people that it's "better off in my hands" or to give something to him for safe keeping. if you want something done right, do it yourself, is likely his motto

This is my reasoning that konig is an ISTJ

...

Here's the 16 personalities website description of ISTJ:

"People with the ISTJ personality type (Logisticians) mean what they say and say what they mean, and when they commit to doing something, they make sure to follow through. With their responsible and dependable nature, it might not be so surprising that ISTJ personalities also tend to have a deep respect for structure and tradition. They are often drawn to organizations, workplaces, and educational settings that offer clear hierarchies and expectations."

taglist: @osteawb, @sleepystaarr, @vvampir3s, @simpxinnie, @majocookie, @sharkyyyyyyyyyyyy, @marysdelrey, @kybeth5, @chaos-on-stand-bi, @shannonswizzies, @arcadia509, @bloodstoneruby, @cumikering, @skystreamchan, @junkratssheila-09, @kit-williams, @tangerynsbaby, @dreamdiaries777, @royalbxstxrd, @non-satanic-panic, @theweirdchick, @kiyomisan, @maylif, @mortimoshi, @eneiss, @daughter-ofthe-forest, @celi-xxmoon, @mangoguy, @babypeanut02

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hana-bobo-finch · 2 days

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Assorted pikmin headcanons that I might end up deleting bc I definitely haven’t already posted enough today

• Most Hocotatians can’t grow facial hair. Those who can are greatly envied (even if it’s just a few scraggly hairs like the president)

• Hocotate is mostly desert. Because of this, hocotatians generally don’t need as much water as others.

• Yonny is. Extremely in love with dingo. But he still tries to be a good wingman when dingo’s trying to talk to shepherd cause even if he’s insane he’s a good friend

• Louie tries to zone out when olimar’s telling him “stories” (which are more just olimar’s train of thought) but ends up subconsciously retaining it all. He remembers more about olimar than olimar himself.

• Collin actually has social anxiety despite being the comms guy, ironically the only way he’s found that he can calm himself is to never stop talking. So he yaps. A lot.

• Yonny’s tried to tell dingo before that his disliking of dogs probably stems from some form of ptsd from the time he thought he was being attacked during a rescue. Dingo just bragged about it because he thought having trauma made him sound more “badass.” It did not. He was very confused when he got sympathy and not admiration.

• Olimar gets frustrated with Louie very easily, but keeps it hidden because Louie gets chastised by the other employees and the president a lot and olimar wants to be the one to help him instead of just yelling at him.

• Hocotate freight, despite being tasked with large shipping jobs, is a rather small company with barely any employees. There’s pretty much no experience needed other than a basic pilot’s license to get a job there because the president is so desperate for workers

• Louie doesn’t even have a pilot license. He only managed to get hired because his nana convinced the president to hire him because of his family’s lineage of renowned pilots.

• His nana didn’t even ask Louie before getting him hired. He was looking to get a fry cook job at a restaurant nearby to save up for culinary school. He just went with it because he didn’t want to disappoint her

• Collin is aroace. He doesn’t know it, he just thinks he’s “too busy” for sex and romance (am I just saying that bc I’m projecting onto him nooooo I would neeever do that)

• Koppaites generally age physically slower than most. Giyans? What’s it called uhh. People from giya tend to physically age faster. They both have roughly the same life expectancy, though

• it’s a common practice on most civilized planets for the people to dye their hair, as they all share the trait of usually greying quickly. Only hocotatians don’t do this, as they over time have developed hair that retains its color longer—although they have less of it

• Louie hates space travel. He gets motion sickness easily. Olimar, on the other hand, loves it, and likes to do tricks with his ship when flying like spinning around. Somehow that’s never been the cause of a crash, the worst that’s happened was just louie feeling sick

• dingo has low iron levels. I have nothing more to add it is just definitely true

• whenever Louie’s on pnf-404 by himself, he survives the creatures by just ignoring them. Turns out a lot of them aren’t inherently violent or have a taste for hocotatian. The ones that do attack can be defeated easily by giving them poisonous plants

• Many of the planets are more of dwarf planets, if even that. Only hocotate, koppai, Giya, and pnf 404 are larger. Most of them are tiny and in the same solar system, making them almost more akin to different countries or continents than entirely different planets

that is all for my yapping goodbye

#I AM SCARED OF DOING NORMAL FANDOM THINGS LIKE HCS I AM UNCOMFY #I don’t wanna tag all this but here goes #pikmin #pikmin headcanons #olimar pikmin #louie pikmin #dingo pikmin #yonny pikmin #Collin pikmin #aight that should be good enough

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wherebettertoescape · 2 days

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Thoughts on The Outsiders Album

Okay, as I said yesterday, I have a LOT of thoughts on the album and I decided to revive this page so I stop bothering everyone IRL with my thoughts about it 😂 I figure there must be a good amount of people on tumblr who are down to listen to my rants about the album, so here goes.

I'll put it under a cut so there aren't any spoilers for anyone who hasn't listened yet, and I know there's one or two things which I've heard about the prouction via other posts and such. But I will stress that I haven't actually seen it, I've only listened to the album and obsessed over it 😂

It's also below the cut because it's fucking LOOOOONG

Please reply to this or send in your own thoughts - I have so much I want to talk about to do with this album and I'm like... shaking with the need to talk about it with people who actually want to listen 😂

(sad times living in the UK 🥲)

I'm gonna go through the album sequentially, like track by track, because that feels like the thing to do, even though I will say right off that I definitely have more thoughts about some tracks than others. And I will also give my favourite line from each song. But for a just, like, general overview to begin with - I love the album so much?

I will fully admit that I was kinda preparing myself for it to be bad - it's a book that I love and I wasn't the biggest fan of the movie adaptation for a few key reasons, but I was so pleasantly surprised by the musical soundtrack.

I'm in love with the style of music, I love the entire cast (all of them have such different singing voices and styles and I think that they merge together so beautifully), and it has most of the things that I love in a musical - for me, it's got the right balance of the talking sections included with the singing, as well, which I know some people aren't huge fans of, but I might be biased because Soda is and always has been my favourite character and most of the talking is by him 😂 (I love Jason Schmidt, but we'll talk about that later), and as well as that the style of music and singing like gives me a good picture of what the actual choreography might look like, which I'm obsessed with, since I probably won't get to see it unless it somehow gets to the West End (🤞🏻)

Tulsa '67

Okay so this song is just like ✨exposition ✨ but it's done in a fun way, and I've decided it's worth it just for the finale reprise

I was also like stupidly emotional the first time I heard it and it opened with the opening line of the book

I was wary because of the immediate characterisation of Sodapop as being the brother "with a broken heart" (side note - does this mean Sandy broke his heart before the show rather than after it? I've goes QUESTIONS) - I'll go into it again when we get into Grease Got a Hold for obvious reasons, but I was worried that Soda was gonna be reduced into just being a womaniser again, which is something that bothered me about the movie adaptation

Favourite line: "all the girls are pretty there, and all the guys are mean"

Grease Got a Hold

right so it has no right to be as much of a bop as it is, it's been stuck in my head for the past week since it came out and I can't even be mad about it 😂

It's essentially just a typical "gang" song to introduce and characterise all the different members

Dally always saying "Little brother" got me so emotional like immediately

And I know I just said that I was upset with Soda's characterisation as a womaniser, but considering later songs, I will say I do find it really funny that he basically just goes "yeah I'm a greaser bc I love women 😊"

I LOVE TWO-BIT MATTHEWS - I would die for Daryl Tofa, just something soooooo good about the line he gives after Soda's verse

I have to admit, I was a little worried that they were gonna be pushing some anti-Darry propaganda, but I had no cause to worry, as he's an actual angel. Also it's so funny how fucking Done he is the moment he starts speaking

Something really funny about Steve not getting a verse, but something really sad about Johnny not getting one, but I don't have fully fleshed out thoughts yet so I'm gonna leave that there

But also there's just something about all of them trying to act tough, but all of them just have the voices of angels

Favourite line: "I'm a latch-key kid but they keep changing the locks" and also "you wanna be a fighter? then know just what you're fighting for"

Runs in the Family

I'm upset because this song has been such an ear-worm for me, but it's actually just so sad? There are a couple of these, but this is one of the main ones for me

It immediately makes Darry just such a sympathetic character - it's well documented that Ponyboy doesn't feel like he's enough of a greaser, but I don't think we talk enough about Darry is a reluctant greaser

Side note: but I'm really glad that they included Darry having dropped out of school to look after Soda and Pony, because that was kinda glossed over in the movie, which I felt did Darry a disservice

I just want to hug Brent Comer and tell Darry that he's doing a good job and everything will be okay 🥲

Favourite line: "I don't know what them boys would ever do without me - and what would I do on my own?"

Great Expectations

honestly this song deserves a post all of it's own, and maybe one day I'll do a full analysis of it

but in the meantime, it's fucking GORGEOUS, like Brody Grant has NO RIGHT to sound like this I'm so mad

THE FUCKING HARMONIES I WANNA SCREAM THEY'RE SO GOOD

One of the things I've loved about the soundtrack in general is how Pony in particular draws parallels and comparrisons between Johnny and the other greasers - here it's between Darry and Johnny, and I love it because Pony references in the book that he feels like he and Johnny are the outsiders in the greasers, he feels like neither of them really belong there, and they convey that so well in the musical with these constant comparisons in the songs and music

The continual return back to this idea of a self-fulfilling prophechy - trying to prove that they're not all the same just because they're greasers (like with the different verses in Grease Got a Hold), and this striving for individuality despite the overarching label they've been given

Favourite line: "It's hard to write this story, when this story's writing me"

Friday at the Drive-in

they all just sound so young - that's my main take-away from this song

I love songs in musicals like this where you're forced to be reminded how young the characters are and you have to humanise them a bit more - a bit like with "Drink with Me" in Les Mis

Also anytime that a soundtrack includes the dance-break it makes me so happy 🥲

Favourite Line: "Got no more stress, nothing to worry me - no more teacher's pet or trigonometry"

I Could Talk to You All Night

I need to say that I love this song, but the opening from Cherry is so fucking savage - like fucking hell there's no need to do that to Pony 😂

Again obsessed with Pony not feeling like enough of a Greaser

I'm a sucker for two people who feel lost in their own worlds finding each other and bonding because they can be themselves in a way that they can never be around their other friends

It's just such a pretty duet, and I want more of Brody Grant and Emma Pittman singing - we could have a million songs of the two of them and it wouldn't be enough

Favourite line: "I'd rather read then fight a rumble, but Greasers have to go along"

Runs in the Family (Reprise)

Dude it's such a serious song, and I'm obsessed that despite that there's just Soda being a little shit in the background

"I'll fold your laundry - I'LL FOLD ALL OF IT"

I love that even in this song it's like you can tell he's just so worried about Pony but it's coming out so angry and frustrated

So full of grief for the life he almost had

He's just so angry at Pony for still being able to dream, and it's like he feels like he needs to prepare Pony for real life, because he feels like he can't dream or wish for things anymore

And then just the screeching violin at the end of the song followed by DEAD FUCKING SILENCE, and then it switches to the next song where Pony starts singing acapella it's just herugighadlsiughukdhjsak, y'know?

Favourite line: "Whats the use in dreaming, about a life I'll never know? That ship sailed long ago"

Far Away from Tulsa

okay so I've already said that I'm obsessed with it beginning with Brody Grant acapella, and I know that the songs probably don't flow straight from one to the other in the actual production, but for the sake of the cast recording the effect is incredible

But also, there was absolutely no need to make this song so gay 😂 - Ponyboy, the bisexual icon we all need

It's very reminiscent of Santa Fe, with just kids dreaming for a life that they could have outside of their big city. Especially with the line "this place is real, it's not just in my head", which is VERY similar to "just be real is all I'm asking, not some painting in my head", but I'm okay with it because Brody Grant is incredible

But that line, as well as the one "'Ponyboy you're just a dreamer', that's what both my brothers say" are also really great links back to the previous song with the references of him being a dreamer, and that being what sets him apart from the other Greasers

I also just wanna say that I think it's criminal that there weren't more Pony/Johnny duets. Sky Lakota-Lynch and Brody Grant own my soul

Also catch me being emotional over Johnny's dream being wanting a family - he doesn't realise that he's already got one in the gang 🥺 (I could write an essay about this and Dally's continued use of 'little brother')

OKAY ALSO OBSESSED WITH THE CIRCLE BACK TO GREAT EXPECTATIONS, AND WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW THE LYRICS CHANGE FROM

"Torn between what is and what could be. It's hard to write this story when this story's writing me"

"It's all becoming clear, there's no way we're gonna find that here"

GOTTA ESCAPE TULSA TO ESCAPE THEIR FATE, SOMETHING AGAIN ABOUT SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECIES, I JUST CAN'T

Favourite line: "I'm tired of blindly watching as we're inching towards the ground"

Run Run Brother

There's so much to say about this song, but I literally can't formulate the words, so it's probably gonna be one that I come back to and properly analyse later. so in the meantime, here are my key take-aways

right from the beginning, it gives just an "oh-shit" feeling, just so much urgency and desperation

All three of them have such different singing voices and styles and the combination of the three just makes me so happy and I don't even know how to like express what I'm feeling

Back to the thing about Dally always calling Johnny (and Pony, but we're emotional about Johnny here) "brother"

the music is just so fitting - I feel like I need to be up and moving every time I hear it, like if I ran ever this would be on the playlist 😂

And I'm going insane over the echoes of what has been previously been said - the "grease isn't given it's something you earn", and "let's leave this behind, let's just get up and go" like you're FORCED to face that they are being given what they want but in a really terrible way

Favourite line: "I hate to make you go, but there ain't no other way"

Justice for Tulsa

okay so I know that this is a really important song and everything, but I will admit this is the one I tend to skip most

I will say I think this song would hit harder if they kept with the themes of police brutality that there are in the novel and movie with regards to Dally's death (going off what I've heard about the script changes from people who have seen it, I can't verify myself)

The song feels very claustrophobic, with everyone just trying to blame everyone else, which I think is really well done. Especially with the multiple voices coming in with "you know just what you did"

And it does show the bias of the world trying to blame the Greasers just by reputation alone, which is thematically nice

and also just the kinda mob mentality of the whole thing, especially at the end, with a declaration of war

Favourite line: "or we could send them back a message, take an eye for an eye"

Death's at My Door

I think I've seen somewhere that this is the opening song for the second act and I just - fucking hell, what an opener 😂 they really just wanna destroy all of us, huh?

EDIT: I've been corrected, and it's Justice for Tulsa that starts act 2 - my bad guys, I don't know where I saw otherwise. JfT starting act 2 makes soo much more sense 😂

I wanted to like reach through my headphones somehow and hug Brody Grant, like holy shit

The first time I heard it all I could think about was how much he's going to blame himself when Johnny (and Dally) do die - especially with Johnny having comforted Pony about it

And I'm just emotional about the exploration of Pony thinking of himself as a burden on everyone he loves, especially going back to what Darry says to him in Runs in the Family reprise, just confirming everything that Pony already worries about himself

Favourite line: "I don't believe in the death that you're bringing - the reason I'm living is you"

Throwing in the Towel

I just love brothers okay? This song made me want to like message all my siblings and tell them I love them

I loved that we see Pony's inner thoughts and fears about being a burden on his brothers, immediately followed by seeing Darry's own thoughts and feelings - the two of them being so similar in how they blame themselves for everything

All three of the Curtis brothers being terrified of losing anyone else

AND THIS IS THE SODA CHARACTER REDEPTION I NEEDED - he becomes more than just the womaniser, you can see him having like actual thought and feelings, and the amount of emotion in Jason Schmidt's voice as he's trying to reassure Darry, like this song and Soda's letter gets across everything that makes Soda my favourite character

And there's something to be said about how they're finally like communicating their emotions 😂

Favourite line: "I know your head is full of doubt, but brother that's what love is all about"

Soda's Letter

Musical letters my beloved ❤️

I love songs like these - they're always just so vulnerable

It links to Tulsa '67 Reprise with the reference to how Soda kinda keeps the family all together. This song you can like see the strain that it has on him, trying to keep the brothers who he loves so much together, by trying to tell Pony that Darry does love him even though he shows it in a very different way

also anyone who has seen it and made it this far in the post can you tell me whether they keep in the bit about Pony reading this really heartfelt letter only to go "Soda's so dumb he can't fucking spell" because it's all I could think about when I listened to it for the first time

Favourite line: "Your brother needs you just as much as you need him, and brother we ain't doing to good alone"

Hoods Turned Heroes

The triumphant return of my beloved Two-Bit, and he's doing some king shit

I love him, okay?

This is another song where I know it's really important, but I actually don't have much to say about it, other than I do really enjoy it

Favourite line: "It's time to celebrate Greasers, take pride in the Greaser name"

Hopeless War

I love that it's just Cherry begging Pony not to change, and hoping that he's still an outsider of the Greasers like she is for the Socs, a hope that the two of them are still kindred spirits even after everything that happened

She knows that the rumble is gonna be where Pony loses that last bit of dreamer in him because he's holding just so much anger at the world - I dunno, there's something there I'm sure 😂

it's such a smooth transition into "Trouble" and I wanna SCREAM it's so good

Favourite line: "even if you win, it doesn't change a thing"

Trouble

It feels like a war chant or something

The music is just so agitated

It's like Run Run Brother where I feel the need to be up and moving

Favourite line: "Do it for Johnny, even the scores, time to rally the crew"

Little Brother

I get chills every time I listen to it

Something about Joshua Boone's voice guys, I don't even know like how someone goes about beginning to talk about it, but whoever takes over as Dally has got some big shoes to fill

It's a lament to Johnny, and I feel like I listen to it and I feel the same anger and indignation that Dally feels

It's a song where I listen to it and I know, even without having seen the production, how I'd stage it and that always makes me excited

The longer the song goes on, the more uneasy you feel listening to it

It links him and Darry together again, with how he blames himself for everything that happened to his little brother, he feels like he should have been able to protect Johnny, the way that Darry always tries to protect Ponyboy

The final tempo increase and the discordant violin at the end, and it feels like even just listening to it you're watching him fall into a grief-led madness, and his certainty that there's only one way that his story can end

Favourite line: "They can't take anymore from me - if I ain't got you, then I ain't got nothing else"

Stay Gold

It feels somehow criminal to put these songs next to each other, but I mean obviously they have to be - that's how they want you to feel, but it doesn't mean that I'm not mad about it

I've listened to it like a million times and it still brings me to tears every now and then

There's something about having the hopelessness of "Little Brother", with Dally bring so apologetic at having failed Johny, followed by Johnny asking Pony to tell him that there's still good in the world

Just how much everyone in this story needs each other and they don't realise that the others need them too, yknow?

Johnny being Dally's "gold" - a lot to say about that but yknow, this is already long as fuck

The simplicity of the music itself (same as with Soda's letter - makes them thematically the same blah blah blah with them both being letters and all that), but it makes the song much more vulnerable than some of the others - nothing for Sky Lakota-Lynch to hide behind

Also that line: "I have looked into a thankful father's eyes, telling me I've saved his daughters life", and how that links to what Johnny says in the book about the little girl's life being worth more than his - I dunno, it just got me emotional, okay?

Favourite line: "I hold on to the good 'cause I've made my peace with all the bad" and also "It's easy to forget when you're trying just to make it through"

Tulsa '67 Reprise

WE MADE IT BOYS (seriously though, for real, if you made it this far, thanks for reading through my descent into madness 😂 and please send your own thoughts and such, bc I'm desperate to hear other people's thoughts)

I said it at the beginning, but I think the reprise of this song makes the exposition at the beginning worth it

At the beginning we hear Ponyboy as a dreamer, and at the end he still has that, but rather than idolising and making everything spectacular, he sees beauty in the mundane - he sees it in his brothers, his friends, all of that

The call backs to the original song as well, which allow us to go back to the theme of looking at individuality - the Greasers wanting to be seen as more than just characatures, and by the end they are like fully-fleshed out people rather than just the basic stock figures we initially get them introduced as in Grease Got a Hold

The clearest examples are, of course, Darry and Soda

Darry goes from being "could have been a football star, people say he had a ticket out" to instead being "the toughest guy I've ever known"

Soda goes from "suffers from a broken heart" to "this family's life and soul"

and then it goes from "got no parents, we fend for ourselves" to "can you imagine how proud mum and dad would be"

just something so beautiful about that, I dunno

There's more I could say about the themes of brotherhood and individuality ("grease as their disguise", for example), but I'll spare it for now

Favourite line: "Just too damn good for growing old, and in his memory I stay gold"

(finally - if you've stuck around to the end, I've also recently set up an instagram account, just for me, so please also check that out if you wanna hear more about my thoughts about random musicals and stuff!)

Freddie 🐸 (Instagram)

#the outsiders musical #the outsiders #broadway musicals #musical theatre #theatre analyses #brody grant #sky lakota lynch #joshua boone #jason schmidt #daryl tofa #brent comer #ponyboy curtis #johnny cade #dally winston #sodapop curtis #darry curtis #two bit mathews

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