#merlin panics that things are ruined
Text
bitter is the antidote
Rating: Teen+
Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: Gen
Relationships: Gwaine & Lancelot & Merlin, Gwaine & Merlin, Gwaine & Lancelot, Lancelot & Merlin, Lancelot & Percival
Characters: Gwaine, Lancelot, Merlin, Percival
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Jealous Gwaine, watch gwaine come to so many wrong conclusions in real time, Merlin's Magic Revealed, Gwaine Knows About Merlin's Magic, casual touches, well in theory but they're all useless with the casual part, Pre-Slash, eating an apple with a knife, Insecure Gwaine, Protective Lancelot, gwaine gets to be a bit of a bitch, Self-Esteem Issues, Loneliness, shockingly no dick jokes, Hurt Merlin, Angst, Self-Hatred, but largely mild, Episode: s03e10 Queen of Hearts, Canon Era, Good Friend Lancelot, POV Merlin, POV Lancelot, POV Gwaine, Injury, Burns, it's not graphic but there is a description of the appearance, Supportive Lancelot, man literally meets gwaine and is like well if merlin likes him then i'm sure he's great, Percival's family, sharing food, Existential Crisis, Sort Of, there will be a follow-up landing relatively soon, hopefully, Ambiguous/Open Ending
Words: 21,947
Chapters: 1/1
Summary: ‘I heard you using magic! I won’t hurt you if you don’t hurt me,’ added the voice.
The tone was familiar, in the same way that the sea and the sky was, even as the tides changed and the clouds burned in pyres that transformed their hue every night. It eddied through Merlin’s memory in plumes of drunken laughter and soft words spoken by firelight and, before he could stop himself, his mouth was opening. ‘Gwaine?’
The first hiccup in Merlin's plan to save Gwen from the flames by aging himself was not being able to undo it as easily. The second hiccup was Gaius not showing up with the potion to do it for him. This third consequence feels less like a hiccup and more like a soul-crushing revelation. Well, fourth. Ending up on a lit pyre is a rather significant consequence.
Opening:
Merlin had been expecting Gaius to be waiting by the doorway to the courtyard. He had been expecting the potion to be bundled into his hands, with some false curse bestowed upon him for such wickedness, and for him to be able to breathe a little more freely again. But, as Merlin was escorted towards the pyre by Camelot’s guards and Arthur, Gaius was nowhere to be seen – not on the fringes of the crowd, at least.
He nearly walked into the back of Arthur as the latter suddenly stopped, so preoccupied was he with trying to spot Gaius. The timbre of the voice that carried out across the courtyard was familiar and, when Merlin glanced up, it was issuing from Uther’s mouth, but the words mingled with the wind clawing at the clothes of the crowd and blew past Merlin’s ears. Merlin forced his body to remain still even as his eyes furtively leapt from face to face around him, searching for any indication that Gaius was there and would be able to save him.
‘...destroy Camelot.’
Uther’s final two words cut through Merlin’s desperation as he was recalled to reality by a tight grip on both of his arms. Even with the blood draining from his face as he was pulled closer to the pyre, Merlin couldn’t help but feel a little incredulity. Planting a poultice to make Arthur and a commoner fall in love, as Uther believed he had done, was hardly torching the citadel. Though apparently it warranted torching him. Merlin understood – well, strictly speaking, he didn’t really understand, more he was aware – that any indication of magic had Uther digging out the flint, but the whole thing did seem a little excessive. He hadn’t tried to kill anyone. Well. Not for a while, anyway, and it hadn’t been anyone that hadn’t tried to kill him first.
Written for the Merlin Bingo prompt 'canon divergence'
Read on ao3
#it is finished! it is edited! it is waiting for the second part to hit#merwaincelot#merwaine#gwaincelot#mercelot#merlin#gwaine#lancelot#bbc merlin#merlin fanfic#lit writes#wherein gwaine is confronted with merlin having magic and has to get his head around it#merlin panics that things are ruined#and lancelot is worried about merlin and is trying to figure out gwaine#it's angsty#it's got some domesticity#and the faintest traces of humour
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
"You have Arthur's complete trust" Merlin laughs when Gwen tells him this and asks her what she is talking about.
Gwen looks at him strangely, as if she thinks Merlin is joking but then she sees Merlin's expression and can't hide her surprise.
"Merlin, you do realise that you're the person Arthur trusts most in the world, right?"
Merlin chuckles again but this time it is with a sense of guilt and annoyance that won't let him alone.
"I don't think so."
Gwen, who until then had been mending one of Morgana's dresses, puts down her needle and thread and looks at him seriously, Merlin doesn't think he has ever seen her like that.
"You two fooling around and teasing each other is fine, Merlin, but you can't really think Arthur doesn't trust you. You can come and go from his rooms as you please, whether he's there or not, you have the keys to his room, and you're the only person who has them, and the whole castle knows perfectly well that Arthur has priceless things in there. I know you shave him every morning and believe me, that is not the job of a manservant,"
"But he is the one who-"
"That's right, Merlin. He's the one who."
Gwen seems genuinely annoyed that Merlin doesn't grasp how much Arthur trusts him, and Merlin finds himself having a chasm in his chest because he doesn't want to think about it. He doesn't want to think about Arthur's trust in him, he doesn't want to think that Arthur thinks Merlin is a person worthy of his trust, because Arthur is the most noble and sincere person in the world and Merlin is hiding most of his life from him.
"I have to go, Gwen."
Merlin leaves everything where he is and does not even turn around when Gwen (probably guilt-ridden from that lecture) calls him back.
Merlin hides in the first crevice he finds and struggles to breathe.
He struggles to breathe because Arthur trusts him and he knows it, but he tries to think about it as little as possible. He tries to live life day by day and not think about tomorrow and how long it is that he is lying to him. He tries not to have a heart attack every time Arthur looks at him and smiles or pats him on the back saying "good job!" or when Arthur is the first to worry about him when they are attacked by bandits.
Merlin tries not to think about Arthur's scream when they were separated on a mission and Merlin had to drop rocks to protect him.
He tries not to think about the time he had to steal the keys from Arthur's room and Arthur, finding him in the room early in the morning, didn't bat an eyelid at the excuse of the woodworms because Arthur trusts him and simply told him to leave.
Merlin is a horrible person who does not deserve this kind of trust, not when he is lying to the most important person in his life.
"Breathe."
Merlin, caught in the middle of a panic attack he didn't even realise was happening, jerks at the voice and Arthur's hand resting on his shoulder.
"Breathe, Merlin, come on, in and out, calmly, follow me" Arthur takes deep breaths and Merlin tries to keep up with him but Arthur's mere presence makes the situation worse and Merlin finds himself with tears in his eyes as Arthur looks at him more and more worried.
"Gwen!" shouts Arthur then and Gwen is at his side within moments "Go get Gaius, I can't move Merlin from here in this condition."
Gwen looks at Merlin and she's so worried and feeling so guilty that Merlin wants to say something to her but is already so much if he can breathe.
Gwen leaves and Arthur and Merlin are alone and Arthur strokes his back trying to calm him down and Merlin bursts into tears.
Arthur lays a hand on his shoulder and settles him on top of him, not holding him too tightly for fear of Merlin's breathing getting worse.
"I was looking all over for you, you know? I thought you'd be at the tavern or having fun somewhere and instead, I find you here doing the doppol-head."
Merlin laughs between sighs and sobs and Arthur continues.
"You have a myriad of tasks to do. My armour is completely ruined, I have no idea where my sword is and you were supposed to revise my speech for this afternoon but apparently, you had better things to do."
Merlin's breathing calmed and he was finally able to concentrate better, noticing that the king was sitting on the dirt floor next to him and practically rocking him.
"Arthur…"
Arthur turns his head slightly but they still can't make eye contact.
"I have magic."
Arthur stiffens and Merlin already feels lost without his king by his side even though he is still physically there.
"Alright," Arthur murmurs and Merlin gets up to look at him because there is no way he is hearing correctly. Arthur turns to look at him and his expression isn't the happiest but Merlin can't blame him "we've been through a lot worse, haven't we?"
And etiquette be damned, what is right or not right to do at court, Merlin throws himself onto his king and holds him as if he never wants to let him go again, holds him trying to tell him everything he is unable to say right now in words.
Arthur holds him just as tightly and Merlin finally knows that everything will be all right.
And that is how Gwen and Gaius find them, embraced tightly in the middle of a corridor in Camelot.
#merthur#merthur prompt#merthur fic#merlin#merlin prompt#merlin fic#merlin bbc#bbc merlin#arthur pendragon#gwen bbc#gaius bbc#merlin emrys#merthur fanfic#my writing
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
Do you think that i had forgotten? ~ Theo Nott
"Do you think i had forgotten about you?"~About you, The 1975.
paring: theo nott x reader/y/n
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Y/n and Pansy were in the common room, the rest of the Slytherin group were in Hogsmeade, or so they said. Y/n was quite offended that they didn't invite them to accompany them in Hogsmeade as they did every Saturday.
She a bit confused as to why Pansy didn't seem fazed by this. Little did she know there was a quite good reason for their dismissal.
✧.*✧.*
A few hours later the rest of the group strolled into the common room, looking for the two girls. To only find one, Pansy, she was curled up on the sofa. Theo stood before her confused as to where the other girl, Y/n, was. Y/n to Theo was the only girl who even had his attention, and the only one who was on his mind 24/7.
Pansy quickly awakened when Draco and Mattheo were shouting about quidditch or what not. "What the fuck?!" Pansy mumbled in her sleepy haze, she looked around to find no Y/n in sight, but Theo towering over her looking slightly aggravated. "Where's Y/n?!" Theo practically shouted at the girl before him. "I don't know?!" Pansy said her voice filled with panic. He stared pacing the floor mumbling in Italian under his breath, something along the lines of "per l 'amor di Merlino"(For Merlin's sake) and "dove cazzo'e allora?!"(where the fuck is she then).
He suddenly scurried off towards the girls dormitories, leaving no time for the rest of the group to question him as to where he was going, even though they definitely did not need to ask. Theo's concern and his deep affection for Y/n was apparently know to everyone but the girl who needed to know.
While Theo was hurrying to get to Y/n's dorm, Y/n was curled up in her bed wondering why Theo hadn't really been showing her much attention or talking to her much the past couple of days. Then she thought she shouldn't care, why should she be any different to another girl Theo spoke to.
This would normally not even cross her mind but recently her and Theo had been spending a lot of time together and they both grew found of each others company. The only thing stopping them being together was they both feared the rejection of the other. They also did not want to ruin the great bond they had created. All that would change tonight though.
A big thud of her dorm dorm shuck her from her thoughts. "What the fuck" she shouted not expecting someone to barge into her dorm. She rolled over to face the door and lo and behold the boy who had been stuck on her mind all day was standing before her. Her expression slightly softened as she looked at him, to slowly have the doubt and thought of him not liking her to flood her brain once again. "What do you need Theo?" the boy in question looked at her with a puzzled expression "I just wanted to talk to you?" "About what" she said slightly aggressively. "Are you okay?" "Yeah" "Are you sure you seem upset?" "Yes, now what did you want to talk about" "Have i done something wrong" he said completely ignoring the question she asked. "No" she said half lying, because he hadn't actually done anything, it wasn't like they were dating. Yet. Theo could tell she was lying, he started to think of what could of upset her, then it hit him he'd not really spoken to her for a couple of days.
"Meet me at the astronomy tower at nine" "Okay" she said slightly confused, but before she could question him why he was gone.
✧.*✧.*
Y/n had freshened up her make up and straightened her hair, she hurried to put her shoes on when she realized she had five minutes to get to the astronomy tower.
Once she got there she saw Theo, standing in front of her with a bouquet of peonies, her favourite flower, he had remembered from one of many of their late night talks. "What's all this for" "You" "Why" "Because I've been meaning to tell you something for a long time". Oh my god. Was he about to say what she thought, what she was longing to hear.
"First of all I would like to apologies if you feel like I've been ignoring you, but i could never purposely ignore you. I hope you don't think I'd forgot about you." She froze hearing those words could he read her mind? He then continued with "I've been so focused on trying to think of ways to ask you this. Y/n, I've liked you for a long time and i was wondering if you would be mine, and i would be yours of course." Y/n stood there still frozen at what he had just said to her she wanted to scream "YES OF COURSE I WILL THEO" but instead she settled for "Oh Theo of course, i would love that" She walked over to him and placed a soft kiss on his lips, he was quick to reciprocate her action.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
#theo nott fluff#slytherin boys#theo nott x reader#theo nott#theodore nott#fluff#pansy parkinson#cute#stvrlightt69#slytherin
294 notes
·
View notes
Text
If Arthur has learned one thing from his father's teachings, it is to not trust.
For friends all eventually part ways, and lovers all end in tragedy. They are both nothing but human, and if there is one thing that humans do best, it is to betray.
Arthur carries that with him for the entirety of his childhood, and by the time he is well into his teens, he is alone except for a few that his father has deemed as suitable playmates.
It all changes when he meets Merlin.
Merlin is nothing like any of the friends that Arthur has had - He insults Arthur with a glint in his eyes, and is confident as he tells the crown prince off in aid of a servant. Arthur feels a pang in his chest and reacts the only way he knows how. By taunting Merlin and throwing him off into the dungeons.
Arthur turns in his bed that night, sleepless. He thinks of Merlin’s sarcastic remarks and blue eyes, and wonders if he might’ve ruined the only chance he had at something with the resemblance of a friend.
The next time they meet, Merlin shoves past Arthur at the market, and Arthur panics. He wants to reach out and apologize and offer Merlin gifts in sincerity, yet his mouth and pride act before his mind, and once again he goes back to taunting.
Arthur doesn’t sleep that night, for fate has given him another chance at befriending this strange boy, and he has failed her twice. Arthur has lost the privilege of being someone other than his title.
But she is continuously merciful, as by a strange series of events, Merlin is assigned as his manservant.
Arthur cannot stop himself from smiling when he is insulted once more.
As the years pass, Arthur gets closer and closer to Merlin. And when he finds himself comforted by Merlin's presence as he is laying down logs in the fireplace one night, he is terrified.
Because Merlin treats him as Arthur, the royal prat and downright pain in Merlin's arse, and not Arthur Pendragon, the prince of Camelot. Arthur is treated like a human for what is possibly the first time in his life, and he reacts like one.
Arthur has broken the one rule given to him by his father, and with every time he sleeps next to Merlin or eats whatever Merlin has cooked for him, Arthur has silently and unknowingly placed his life into the palms of Merlin's hands.
Arthur trusts Merlin, and he is terrified.
He knows that Merlin doesn’t have it in his blood to be unkind (he stood up to a prince for a servant, for gods’ sake), yet he cannot resolve the thoughts of Merlin leaving him behind now that he has Arthur between his fingers. The idea of betrayal and sorrow drives itself into Arthur’s mind to the point of madness, and he knows it’s because he’ll be rendered helpless if Merlin really does turn his back on him.
Arthur thinks of distancing himself from Merlin, but even the thought pains him too much. So instead, he resigns to his fate and leans into Merlin like a moth to fire.
Merlin tells Arthur about his magic one cold night.
His voice is soft and his hands are shaking. His eyes never stray from Arthur’s expression.
Arthur’s mind is muddled and although he knows he should be feeling a sense of betrayal, of how his father was and always had been right in his judgement not to trust, a raw feeling of elation dances across his skin instead.
Because Merlin trusts him back.
Arthur has handed his life over to Merlin through sips of stew and naps during hunting trips, and Merlin has handed it right back.
Merlin is a sorcerer, and instead of executing him, Arthur kisses him.
They lay in bed together that night, huddled underneath the thick red blanket in Arthur’s chambers. Arthur tells Merlin about his fear of betrayal and his father’s teachings. He tells Merlin about how he’s wanted nothing more than to be seen as a real, living person with something else other than his surname, and about the sleepless nights Arthur’s spent thinking about him.
Arthur tells Merlin he loves him, and Merlin says it back.
Merlin sleeps before him, and in the silence Arthur can’t help but think of his father’s teachings. He can't help but think of stories of anguish and sorrow and pain.
Yet it all dissipates as he takes one look at Merlin’s lips, and hears the soft inhale from his sleeping figure. And as Arthur lays besides Merlin, he wonders how his father had ever thought betrayal was the thing that humans did best, when it had always clearly been love.
#arthur has trust issues lol#i can never let arthur have a break can i#this is lowkey shit bc i wasnt thinking while writing this but thats ok#merlin#merlin bbc#merlin emrys#merlin x arthur#arthur x merlin#arthur pendragon#merthurweek2022#merthur#bbc merlin#merlin/arthur#arthur#uther pendragon's a+ parenting#oneshot#ficlet#merthur headcanon#headcanon#my writing#my posts
824 notes
·
View notes
Text
So we know a lot of fics like to make Regulus talk in french and then James gets all flustered yada yada yada… This is obviously true, but Regulus Arturus Black, linguistics and cross-cultural communications connoisseur, would 100% be on his knees whenever James speaks hindi. James, who tends to ramble when he gets really concentrated, studying in the library with Marls, trying to explain Ancient Ruins to her because she’s rubbish at it and he doesn’t want her to fail her O.W.L.S., when all of sudden, mid sentence he switches over to hindi (because english words aren’t doing it right now, so he subconsciously switched to the language he could find the words in). Marls is used to this, and having grown up with James, just lets him babble on until he realizes she isn’t responding anymore. It usually takes him a few minutes, but then he just rolls his eyes and starts over. All the while, sitting a few tables over, Regulus, who is still very oblivious to his queerness and who has never really paid any attention to Potter before, goes beet red and doesn’t understand why he’s stopped his transfiguration essay and his brain just won’t stop short circuiting. Fast forward to the Hols of James’ sixth year, when a bloody and beaten Sirius and a tear-stained and hyperventilating Regulus show up at his doorstep (because yes the Black brothers have a good relationship, and no Sirius was not gonna leave Reg alone with their Hellbound of a mother), James squeaks out some hindi and calls for Euphemia. As Effie patches up Sirius and wipes away tears from Regulus’ face, Monty hugs his boy and James responds back with some more hindi, and for Merlin’s sake Reg cannot understand why his heart rate spikes again, even though he’s no longer having a panic attack. As the boys grow closer the summer before James’ seventh year, they start this whole flirty banter thing. Reg purposefully speaks french to James to make him all fidgety and cute, but what Reg doesn’t expect is James panicking and mumbling to himself in hindi (and Merlin that was hot). When they kiss for the first time, after very sexually tense quidditch drills, James mumble hindi’s onto Reg’s collarbone, and that’s when Regulus knows he’s done for, this lad in front of him owns his heart and there’s nothing he can do about it.
889 notes
·
View notes
Text
Merlin Fic Recs For The Day
i’m in ruins (but is it what i wanted all along?) by g_minor_mozart
“We could just run away,” said Arthur. “To a farm.”
Merlin looked up. “Let’s do it, then.”
“That would be the best thing that ever happened to me,” Arthur said simply.
when it comes to fire (you always say that you’d prefer to drown) by amethystwriter
“Right,” said Merlin quietly. “Sire.” The word tasted bitter on his tongue. “I never meant to lie to you. I was just scared- you have to understand that, right?”
Arthur shoved him again, and Merlin crumpled to the ground, his bindings straining tight against his wrists. “Just… for once in your life, stop talking. I don’t want to hear it.”
Merlin shrank back from his place on the ground. His mind was running wild with the worst possible scenarios- Arthur banishing him,
Arthur locking him away, Arthur sending him to the pyre-
Horrified, Merlin’s eyes stung. Arthur hoisted him to his feet. “Get up. We have to cross the river, and then I’ll decide what to do with you.”
stained with the colour of roses by TheCourtSorcerer
Slowly, he looked down. Arthur followed his gaze and inhaled sharply. Deep red spread out across Merlin’s blue tunic under one of his hands, wet and seeping onto his fingers. Blood. Arthur’s heart faltered as panic surged through him.
“You’re bleeding,” he breathed.
“I…suppose I am,” Merlin muttered in reply, his voice eerily calm. “Huh. My stitches tore.”
Of Idiots and Assassins by rather__odd
Okay, in his defense, Merlin really didn’t think it was that bad of a stab wound.
Or: Two weeks after Arthur walks in on Merlin using magic, Merlin collapses in Arthur's rooms, forcing Arthur to reconsider his Silent Treatment Method.
know it's for the better by g_minor_mozart
“I wish I could have told you everything, you know. You idiot.” Merlin smiled sadly. “I wish you could have seen past everything and really seen me. I could have been the best you ever had if you had let me.”
five vignettes where merlin just is generally doing badly
wanna listen to your hands soothe by amethystwriter
After the king's death, Arthur is doing just fine.
Until he's not.
And Merlin's not about to let Arthur suffer alone.
Touch and Comfort by TheAsexualofSpades
Merlin keeps touching him.
#merlin fanfic#merthur#arthur pendragon#merlin x arthur#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#gwen pendragon#morgana pendragon#hurt comfort#fanfiction#ao3 fanfic#fanfic recommendation#whump#angst#archive of our own#fanfiction merlin#sad merlin
11 notes
·
View notes
Note
Who are Maleficent's allies for the KH Divergence saga, and what is the story behind Pandemoniac Heartless Parade?
In my KH4, Maleficent has summoned all remnants of her old minions from Enchanted Dominion to assist her and the Heartless in their big magical science project with the relics of power from the ancient age and date from the Book of Prophecies (I'm not remotely kidding here, Maleficent goes full Arcane Hextech in this story!). In addition, she still has Pete and the Gullwings (Yuna, Rikku, and Paine) around, and Pete's called up the Beagle Boys to help too.
Y'know, these guys:
After KH4, however, Maleficent has been rendered powerless and with only two flunkies to carry out her plans for her - Pete, and the newly introduced Mortimer Mouse, a Duke from Disney Town who always wanted the king's throne and a Keyblade but could never have either, so he turned traitor back in the Disney Town/Castle segment of KH4. From the powers of darkness, Mortimer forged a faux-Keyblade that can slay Demi-Deterged and freeze hearts in place, but cannot actually unlock anything or set any hearts free. The duo of Pete and Mortimer would be set up in The Missing Links, but they don't get particularly active as a menace to the worlds until KH5.
Pandemoniac Heartless Parade? Oh, that is a fun one. The idea for that spinoff would be that it's a reality where Maleficent won in KH4 rather than get defeated and depowered. Her plan to submerge the existing World in darkness while she rules and dictates the course for the newly recreated "Ye Olde World" succeeded, so now she schemes to gain access to the real Kingdom Hearts via the false one that was a built-in thing for this Olde World. Said Olde World now sits atop the ruins of the previous World (like Piltover and Zaun, more Arcane shit there!) and rather than be split into different "worlds", it splits off into different "sectors", each ruled over by a Disney Villain who command their own forces. Within this setup, you create an OC to serve Maleficent and work alongside Pete and Mortimer (and other allies like the Gullwings and the Beagle Boys) in keeping things in check. The "story" comes as an Excuse Plot to intermingle with the Disney Villains and various enemies: all this World's Heartless, out of nowhere, start turning on each other and creating feuds between different classes of enemy and different villains who command them. Like there's OG Darkling Heartless VS Emblem Heartless, Colorful Heartless VS Dark Heartless, Humanoid Heartless VS Beastial Heartless, Organic Heartless VS Manufactured Thing Heartless, Heartless VS Unversed VS Nobodies VS Nightmares VS Demi-Deterged, etc. Obviously this creates a panic from Pete and Mortimer as they fear Maleficent's authority will be undermined this way, and SPOILERS: it turns out that's the whole idea, as Hades is behind all this and has been out to usurp Maleficent's rule from the start, and he's conspired with newcomer villain Cruella De VIl to put this scheme in motion. It's on your character to unravel the conspiracy and stop it so that...Maleficent can stay in power and ultimately unlock the way to Kingdom Hearts. You are playing as a baddie!
The villains that'd be featured aside from Maleficent and co.:
Madame Mim (villainous counterpart to Merlin)
Cruella De Vil
Hades, Pain & Panic, and the Titans
Ursula, Flotsam & Jetsam
Oogie Boogie, Lock, Shock, & Barrel
Captain Hook & Mr. Smee
Jafar
Shan Yu
Scar & the Hyenas
Gaston & LeFou
Dr. Hamsterveil, Jumba Jookiba, Captain Gantu & Reuben
John Worhington Foulfellow & Gideon
Dr. Facilier
Mother Gothel
Prince Hans of the Southern Isles
Prince John, Sir Hiss, and the Sheriff of Nottingham
Yzma & Kronk
King Candy/Turbo
and Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz
'Twould be so much fun, I so wish it was real!
#Disney#Kingdom Hearts#KH Divergence#disney villains#Maleficent#Pete#Mortimer Mouse#the Beagle Boys#the Heartless#trivia#headcanon#what could have been#Pandemoniac Heartless Parade
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
I felt like I needed an intro post, so here it is.
Matching profile picture with @chaotic-french-fries <3
°Pretty Intro Title°
The important info:
Greetings! My name is Theodore, I'm okay to be called any variant of it.
I'm a 17 year old disaster, I use he/they pronouns and my blog is mainly constituted by reblogs. I love a lot of things, the main fandoms I am into are My Chemical Romance and Good Omens, yet there are many more things I really like.
I don't really have people I do not want interacting with my blog aside from Pedophiles, sexual predators and similarly harmful people. I will, however, not tolerate any type of harmful and/or hateful comments towards any group or individual. This blog is a safe place for everyone, lets not ruin the fun and healthy environment with disrespectful behaviour, please.
I do use swear words, keep it in mind if you feel uncomfortable with it.
You are loved, I do care, even if I don't personally know you, you are not alone. The storm will eventually pass and a rainbow will paint the newly clear skies, keep going forward, I believe in you <3.
The not so important things, that I shall mention anyways because I do as I fucking please:
Even though my blog is plagued with these two main interests, you may find a few posts from other fandoms scattered around from time to time.
Between my other interest, you can find, (in no specific order):
Loki (MCU)
Math
The Umbrella Academy
Five Night's at Freddy's
The writing community in general
Netflix Ragnarok
Fall Out Boy
Poor Man's Poison
Hazbin Hotel
Pre-split Panic! At The Disco
Nimona
SCP Foundation
Sander Sides
BBC Merlin
Supernatural
I live in Argentina, and speak only spanish and english.
Do not fear to message me or ask me anything, anonymously or otherwise, as long as you are respectful I will be too, and I promise not to judge! I would love to talk to you if I'm free, and I will always try to help as best as I can with whatever you need, even if I'm quite stupid emotionally (please be patient, I don't mean to sound so cold, I swear).
I have a feeling this is enough, have a great rest of your day/sleep well and don't forget to drink water!
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
All Right
For the glorious @short666bread, 800 words of hurt and comfort, TW for panic attack and mentions of blood. Thank you so much @curlyy-hair-dont-care for your help!
There’s blood on his trousers. Why is there blood on his trousers? There’s sunlight in his eyes, too bright to see properly. He’s outside, he thinks. It smells like—grass, and like jasmine, like sweat, like blood—why is there blood on his trousers? They’re white. It’s so noticeable. Why… it’s too hot for Halloween, this isn’t fake, why, why would there be, why—
“Harry?”
How did he get, where even is he? He can’t see anything, he can’t see. It’s all so bright. And bloody, why is there blood on his hand, on his finger right there where—
“Harry!”
It’s suffocating him. Suffocating, he can’t breathe, he can’t breathe, he can’t see anything, he can’t breathe, but there’s something—something warm, next to him, and it smells like—Harry breaks down, huge heaving sobs, up and down, up and down, and the something warm takes him in, whispering nonsense he can’t hear into his neck. And he’s crying, crying, crying…
“Shh,” the warmth says. “Shh, darling, you’re all right. It’s just a little—oh—erm, just some…” he stops when the voice shudders, when he recognises it. “Darling, you’re all right.”
“I can’t…” he still doesn’t see so well, blurry shapes floating in the blinding sunlight.
“It’s all right. You just cut yourself on—Merlin, that’s quite a bit of—no, no, it’s all right.”
And it must be Draco, because he’s always squeamish when it comes to blood, and this must mean Harry really is all right, because Draco won’t be squeamish if—if Harry had done something horrible. If he ruined everything—the light dapples the ground with gold. Above his trousers, there’s gold. He shakes his head, and the sound that comes out of him is horrifying, a wild plea.
“Harry. Harry, look at me. Look at—you’re perfectly all right, yes? I’m sorry if… you’re all right.” Harry can’t see, but can still tell what it looks like, what Draco’s face is doing. How his mouth goes all soft.
“I can’t… what’s…” his words won’t come out, and instead of berating him, Draco comes closer. Wraps his hands around Harry’s head, kisses his cheek.
“Just a cut. It’s all right. Just a tiny little cut. You look so gorgeous, this Sherwani is perfect, it brings out your—darling, hey, hey, it’s okay.” He cuddles closer, and Harry’s breathing stills, then goes rampant. “Shh, it’s okay. I’m here. You’re okay.”
It evens out, in the end, his breathing, and Harry rubs his eyes on Draco’s waistcoat. Thinks about how livid he’ll be to discover snot on his expensive suit. And Harry’s trousers—no, it had a different name, they went to three different shops before he found the one he liked, his Chudidar—and shit, the wedding, their wedding—
“Shit,” Harry says out loud, and he can see now how pink Draco’s cheeks look. But he’s smiling, and he’s so dear, so very dear that Harry starts crying again. Then worse, because the sound of his crying is so pitiful, but Draco only spreads his arms and Harry leaps back in there, hysterical and grateful and confused and fuck, the wedding, he’s ruining it, he’s doing that thing again where he’s too much, too wrong, and he’s ruining everything. He must be saying that too because Draco makes a sound, big and undignified.
“You’re not—Harry James Potter, you listen to me now. I love you. I love you, and this is still the best day in my… you’re the most important… I can’t, fuck, I don’t have my… in my jacket pock—listen. Harry, are you listening?”
He can’t manage words, so he just grunts.
“You make it better,” Draco says, and his voice wavers. “You aren’t—you’re not too much. Anything you need, I love to be able to, I love that you—that you let me see you. That you let me help. It’s the most… being around you, and I thank you every day for… and for seeing me, too. I’m far from perfect. I’m scared of so many things, petrified, even, and there’s so much I don’t know, that I might never know. But I know you, yes? I know you. And I’m not afraid of some tears. Of some blood. Here.”
He takes Harry’s hand with the blood and kisses it. “See? Not a problem. It’s not… you’re not ruining anything.”
“You’re such a fucking,” Harry wails, and they’re hugging again, and they’re both crying, and laughing, and Harry’s outfit will need a lot of cleaning, but he doesn’t really care. He loves, loves, loves, and panic subsides, eventually, but this will remain.
“We should—”
Draco stops him, finger on his lips.
“Whenever you’re ready. There’s time.”
There’s time. Harry lets the knowledge settle in his bones. There’s time.
You can prompt me too!
#drarry#fic#800 words#TW panic attack#TW blood#hurt and comfort#still soft still sap#desi harry#RockingRobin69
81 notes
·
View notes
Text
Superache - Conan Gray Writing Challenge
Hi!
I was going to wait a little while before doing another album writing challenge thing, but then this album dropped. I needed to do this. I hope you enjoy!
Each imagine is inspired by a song from "Superache" by Conan Gray.
-------------------------
Movies
I Want a Love Like the Movies
Andrew Garfield X Reader
Summary: Andrew and (Y/n) fell in love after filming a movie together. However, nothing in real life was as easy as a written script.
People Watching
I Wanna Feel All that Love and Emotion
Barry Allen X Reader (The Flash)
Summary: How long can a person watch other people in love before they start losing hope for themselves? (Y/n) finds themself fearing they'll never fall in love as they save the city and watch countless couples reunite.
Disaster
This Could be a Disaster
Clara Oswald X Reader (Doctor Who)
Summary: After an arguably poorly timed confession, (Y/n) goes into complete panic mode. When they try to backtrack later, Clara refuses to let the event go.
Best Friend
That's My Ride or Die
Leonard Snart & Mick Rory X Reader (DC's Legends of Tomorrow)
Summary: A collection of moments between Leonard, Mick, and the human equivalent of a puppy, (Y/n). They take the form of the most chaotic trio in the universe.
Astronomy
We're Two Worlds Apart
Tenth Doctor X Reader (Doctor Who)
Summary: After all that he's lost, the Doctor was hoping that (Y/n) would stay with him. When they decide that's not the best decision for them, the Doctor ends up scrambling to hold onto them.
Yours
I Want More, but I'm Not Yours
Will Graham X Reader (Hannibal)
Summary: (Y/n) has given a lot to make Will feel love. However, that begins to change when (Y/n) starts to realize that they aren't receiving the same support.
Jigsaw
You Take Every Part of me, All of the Things You Need
Malcolm Merlyn X Child!Reader (Arrow)
Summary: (Y/n) had been raised as a warrior by their father, Malcolm. They get fed up when they see how fast he accepts his daughter.
Family Line
Someone Who Loves You Wouldn't Do This
Sam & Dean Winchester X Sibling!Reader (Supernatural)
Summary: The lasting effects of being raised by someone like John Winchester.
Summer Child
You're Lying, Summer Child
Hannibal Lecter X Reader (Hannibal)
Summary: Hannibal investigates the true source of why the usually cheery (Y/n) is that way. Nothing is exactly how they seem.
Footnote
But Why Would I Lie, It's so Clear I'm in Love with You
Arthur Pendragon X Reader (Merlin)
Summary: After an event is held in the castle, Arthur makes a bold move. If only ever bold move could work in his favor.
Memories
Please Don't Ruin This for Me
Higgs Monaghan X Reader (Death Stranding)
Summary: (Y/n) was trying to move forward with their life after finding out some startling truths about the man they loved. However, this man won't simply disappear.
The Exit
Feels Like We Buried Alive Something that Never Died
Margot Verger X Reader (Hannibal)
Summary: Margot told (Y/n) to run in the hopes of protecting them from Mason. When she finally finds them again, she sees that not everyone can wait forever.
--------------------------
Masterlist (Includes links to All Writing Challenges)
What I Write For
Some Original Characters
#imagine#fanfiction#x reader#conan gray#superache#andrew garfield x reader#andrew garfield imagine#andrew garfield fanfiction#the flash x reader#the flash imagine#the flash fanfiction#legends of tomorrow x reader#legends of tomorrow imagine#legends of tomorrow fanfiction#hannibal x reader#hannibal imagine#hannibal fanfiction#supernatural imagine#supernatural x reader#supernatural fanfiction#merlin imagine#merlin fanfiction#merlin x reader#arrow x reader#arrow imagine#arrow fanfiction#doctor who x reader#doctor who imagine#doctor who fanfiction
89 notes
·
View notes
Note
Here's a short mergana AU:
In which 30 something Merlin is trying out a spell that lets the user see their greatest regret and accidentally ends up in the past, in front of the scene where Morgana confesses about her suspicions about her magic. "I would tell her about your magic if I were you," he utters, casually, making his younger self and the lady Morgana jump in surprise.
Basically, in which an older Merlin ends up ruining whatever destiny the old lizard had cooked up and earns two pupils who insist on learning from him. The End.
P.S.: He also brought his Morgana (who's not dead) along for the ride.
I'll leave what happens to your imagination. 🤣
i'm still working this one out lol but rest assured i didn't forget this. it's just.. turned into smth very big. anyway. here's a draft? :D
............
Morgana and Merlin end up in Merlin’s quarters.
“W-where are we?”
“This is my room. It’s night and..” Merlin opens his bedroom door a little and sees his younger self from eleven years ago moving to blow out a candle.
“It can’t be...”
“Emrys... what is it -”
The door burst open and a young Morgana strides in with tears in her eyes, wearing only her thin nightgown.”
Morgana looks at the man beside her just in time to see tears welling up in his eyes. “Emrys...” She glances back at their younger selves staring at each other, the Morgana in front of them desperate... desperate to hear the truth, afraid of her own magic, afraid of becoming a monster
“...was this your biggest regret?” she continues quietly. She had thought he regretted poisoning her in the throne room. She did not expect this.
All of a sudden Merlin pushes open the door just in time to hear the Younger Merlin whisper “I wish there was something I could say.”
Their younger selves freeze as they saw their own faces staring at them from Merlin’s bedroom.
“Just tell her.” Merlin pleads at his younger self.
Morgana siezes his wrist, “What are you doing?!” she hisses. “Emrys, No!” She has no idea if this will affect the future, but even Morgana knows, in her own dark heart, that time and the past should not be messed with. “Emrys, no!”
But Merlin doesn’t listen, instead he buckles down and lands on his knees, face angled towards the younger but frozen Merlin.
Consequently, even in her fear and confusion the Younger Morgana squeaks, “I-it’s magic, isn’t it?”
Morgana is at a loss. The answer is at the tip of her tongue herself. They cannot change the past, she knows this, but her heart is breaking for her younger self as well.
“We- we are just seeing things.” Young Merlin speaks out bravely.
Merlin stands and faces his younger self fully. He wrenches his wrist free of Morgana’s grip. “DON’T YOU DARE LIE.” He bellows, his voice colored with a dark and powerful timbre that even Morgana, with all their shared history, has never heard before.
Morgana whimpers. “Emrys... Merlin... no!”
“IT’S MAGIC ISN’T IT?!” Young Morgana screams this time, on the verge of panic.
Young Merlin deflates and bows his head low. There was no logical explanation to anything anymore other than the truth. Plus he recognizes and senses real power when it’s in front of him. And there is not one but three extremely powerful beings in the room. If he’s not mistaken even the Morgana, his Morgana, not the Morgana that came with the man that looks like him in his bedroom, his Morgana can probably senses power in the room too, even in her in distress.-
“Yes... it’s magic. You are a sorceress, Morgana.”
Young Morgana turns to him sharply. “NO! NO! NO!” She starts pounding on his chest.
Young Merlin holds on to her arms as she thrashes and screams wildly.
Morgana looks away. Merlin rubs at his face. What has he done?
Both of them hear shushing sounds and they look up to see their younger selves tightly entwined around each other. Young Merlin pressing Young Morgana as close as he can to his own lanky body, his hands on her the back of her hair and on the small of her back. Both youths have tears flowing from their eyes. The young man kept saying “it’s alright, it’s alright, I’m here, I’m here, we’ll be fine, we’ll be fine, I’ll help you, I’ll teach you, I’ll protect you.” over and over again.
Morgana is dumbstruck by the sight. She stumbles back into the wall and collapses on her hunches. All her life this was what she always wanted, what she always needed, this one simple thing that Merlin was never able to give, to hold her and give her the truth himself. She finds tears flowing on her own cheeks as well. It’s so unfair, so unfair. Her life was full of pain and misery. Just one gesture of comfort and understanding from him was all she needed, all she wanted from him.
Through her own tears she looks at the back of the man in front of her. The Merlin from her time. The Merlin who denied her everything. The Merlin whose biggest regret was her. The Merlin whose biggest regret was never telling her the truth when she needed it the most.
.........................
Young Morgana’s sobs abates and she pulls her head from Merlin’s chest. “How will you teach me, Merlin?”
Young Merlin gawks, in his ramblings, he had promised that. If he was going to reveal himself, he’d have to give away his biggest secret. Can he do it? Can he say it? He had been warned by everyone against doing this. Revealing to Morgana her magic was one thing, but revealing his?”
“Morgana... I...”
Young Morgana takes a glance at the other Merlin, the younger man follows her gaze to see the man nodding at him.
“But...” Young Merlin pleads, he doesn’t want to make mistakes, he doesn’t want
His older counterpart shakes his head.
“Merlin please... what are you not telling me? You told me you will teach me... I don’t want to be alone... don’t pawn me to someone else...” the young woman grasps at the front of his shirt.
Merlin raises his head up to the heavens, as if asking for guidance. The older man waits with baited breath. The older woman couldn’t tear her eyes away.
“Morgana you won’t be alone because I...” With tears in flowing down his cheeks, he closes his eyes and brings his fist to his mouth and chants “Fonbearnan”
Young Morgana gasps to see the gold in his eyes and on his palm a small ball of flame.
“You’re...”
“Yes.”
“You’re magic too.”
“I am.”
“You can teach me?”
“I am still learning but yes I can.”
“Thank you.”
..........................
The Older Merlin moves to go back to the chambers. His head bowed. Morgan is standing still against he wall, her face turned away from everything.
“Wait.” The Young Merlin calls out. His older counterpart stills.
“Are you sure that I won’t regret this?”
The younger Morgana furrows her brows in shock. But her Merlin keeps his tight hold on her.
“Emrys.” Morgana hisses at her Merlin.
“You must know... that... Gaius and the Dragon warned me not to tell her repeatedly.”
Older Morgana blinks... “What? Emrys... is that true?”
Young Morgana “Not to tell me? Dragon? Why?” Morgana is hyperventilating now.
Young Merlin lets his Morgana go. “T-They told me it was dangerous.”
Morgana’s eye widen. “Is this true, Emrys?”
“Dangerous? I am dangerous? I’m a monster? I’m going to be a monster? Uther was right! Magic hurts people! Merlin Merlin I don’t want to die!” Young Morgana screams.
“That’s not true Morgana, you have a good heart! They were wrong! You are not dangerous!” Young Merlin grasps at her desperately again.
“But I... But I... I almost killed Uther already.”
Younger Merlin pulls her into his embrace, “The important thing is you stayed your hand. You didn’t go through with it! You’re not evil!”
Young Morgana trembles, “No.. no... If.. if he hurts them again, I’m gonna kill him... I’ll do it again... I can’t let him hurt anyone again.”
“Please, Morgana, please. You are not like this. You are wise, kind and lovely and caring. You don’t have to kill the King. There is another way. I’ll help you, we will find a way together. W-when Arthur is King, everything will be better. He helped us with Mordred, remember? He’s a good man. In time... he’ll be on our side.”
Morgana nods shakily against his chest, “Yes... you are right. I can talk to him. We can talk to him.”
“Him and Gwen.” Young Merlin adds.
“Yes. We won’t be alone”
“Never alone.”
#mergana#mergana fic#i mean i hope u guys dont mind smth like this#1300+ words#my fic#just one yesterday
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Day 18- board game. Dorlene, 539 words
When Marlene walked through the front door to her home after a long day at work, her muscles aching, her throat dry and cold from the walk home, all she wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep. What she didn’t want to do was be flooded with fear upon hearing her girlfriend yelling at some unknown person.
“I’ll fucking kill you, I swear to Merlin!” Dorcas’ voice echoed down the hallway and Marlene’s blood runs cold, she slams the door behind her, pulling out her wand as she runs, turning the corner and skidding to an abrupt halt, her shoes squeaking horribly on the wooden floor.
The noise draws the attention of the room to her, and Marlene sighs a deep breath of relief, lowering her wand. Sat in front of her is Dorcas and her friends, huddled around one of the muggle games Marlene and James used to play as kids. The five of them have very competitive personalities its no surprise they threaten each other over it.
“Oh, hey babe, I didn’t hear you come in,” Dorcas smiles, jumping up to come over and kiss Marlene, resting an arm over each of her shoulders “Everything alright?”
Marlene rested their foreheads together, her heart still racing from the fear she had felt walking through that door, panic like she hadn't felt in years coursing through her bones.
“You scared the shit out of me, yelling like that,” She laughs, catching her breath and placing both hands on Dorcas’ waist
“Sorry,” Dorcas whispers sheepishly, moving forward to kiss Marlene gently, ignoring the commotion from the game behind them. They pull apart when a loud crash happens behind them and Regulus starts cursing out the others. Marlene smiles as Dorcas rolls her eyes and laughs at their antics.
“Monopoly,” Dorcas says as an explanation, and Marlene makes an ‘ah’ noise of understanding, “I found it in the spare room and thought we’d give it a go.”
“Well, clearly they’re loving it,” Marlene remarks sarcastically, both of them listening to the arguing behind them as insults and monopoly pieces get thrown around their living room.
“Yeah, well, it was good to play a silly little game and get overly competitive about it, it was fun.”
“I’m glad, I like seeing you happy,” Marlene watches her girlfriend like she’s the only thing left on the planet worth looking at.
“How was work?” Dorcas asks, and Marlene shrugs to avoid answering, she doesn’t really feel like talking about it, and she definitely doesn’t want to ruin Dorcas’ good time. Thankfully, Dorcas doesn’t question her more, distracted by her friends.
“Oi lovebirds,” Barty teases to gain their attention, “Are you coming to play a new game? Evan flipped the board on the last one so we’ve set it up again.” Evan makes a noise of objection and shakes his head.
“I did not!” He leans over and pushes Barty’s shoulder, “That was you, you prick.”
Barty places a hand over his heart and gasps in faux shock, “I would never do such a thing,” The others all laugh, and Dorcas walks back over, dragging her girlfriend by the hand to join them for a long night of board games and drunken gossip sessions.
#marauders era#christmas writing challenge#christmas#regulus black#dorcas meadowes#dorcas x marlene#dorlene#pandora rosier#evan rosier#barty crouch jr#slytherin skittles#lowkey hate that name but wtv#marlene mckinnon x dorcas meadows#marlene mckinnon
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
What You Can Find At A Dig: Chapter 12
---
Armel had to dig deep to find the courage to continue, “My third flaw is I’m absolutely terrified of people leaving me. Sometimes it feels like everyone I love could disappear at any moment and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.” He gave a derisive snort, “I also have hard time trusting people for some reason. To trust that they like me for me or.. or that they won’t betray me in some way. I- sorry, this is stupid.” Armel began to shake his head, but Merlin was off his stool and at his side in an instant, a hand pressed against his cheek.
His gaze was unwavering, “It’s not stupid, Arthur. After everything you went through, after everything that happened. Gods, none of it, none of it, was your fault. It was mine, and I’m so so sorry.”
Merlin’s presence was overwhelming; a sudden intensity charged every word, movement, and look. Even the hand pressed against his cheek conveyed a sense of urgency.
Armel wet his lips searching Merlin’s face for an answer, “Who’s Arthur?”
It was absolutely the wrong thing to say. Armel watched helplessly as Merlin retreated into himself, his eyes becoming unfocused as his hand fell away, looking like he would collapse any second.
“Hey, stay with me Merlin.” One hand caught him around the waist and the other pressed Merlin’s hand back to his cheek. “It’s okay, you’re okay. Look at me Merlin.” When Merlin wouldn’t look at him, Armel tried again but with more authority, “Merlin, look at me.”
Merlin’s eyes were still glazed over and his pupils blown wide, but at least he was looking at him.
He pressed their foreheads together continuing to talk Merlin through whatever memory gripped him. Armel burned with curiosity to know how this Arthur could inspire such love and such agony at the same time. What had happened to Merlin that he could privately smile when he thought of him, but then have a panic attack at the mere utterance of his name?
---
What you can find at a dig (41170 words) by Boggywitchin
Chapters: 12/20
Fandom: Merlin (TV)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Armel
Characters: Merlin (Merlin), Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Several other OC, Emrys (Merlin), Armel Griffiths
Additional Tags: Archaeology, Camelot, University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Merlin Waiting for Arthur Pendragon's Return (Merlin), Sad boy Merlin, Angst, Gay Sex, Crazy Emrys, college students, Parties, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, dead mom, Slow Burn, soul mates, Wales, Magic, PTSD, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Arthur 'I can fix him' Pendragon, Armel 'I can fix him' Griffiths, OC death, everyone is bi, Marijuana Use
Summary:
Crazy Old Man Emrys has wandered the Welsh country side for 1500 years hoping that one day Arthur would return to him. When a university archaeology team shows up on Emrys's patch, they have amongst them a young man named Armel Griffiths, who just so happens to look exactly like the Once and Future King.
When Emrys learns their site is next to the ruins of Camelot, he joins the team as Merlin in hopes to influence what they find at the dig.
But as friendship between Merlin and Armel grows, he has to choose whether he can put a millennia of devotion aside and let himself truly love another or if the risk of heart break is too much.
#ao3#bbc merlin#arthur pendragon#merlin#fanfic#rated m#archeology#camelot#king arthur#alternate universe#modern setting#modern au#1500 years later#still waiting#angst with happy ending#WIP#university#Wales#ptsd#mutual pinning#Emrys Dragoon#OC
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Control is hard;
Merlin has to try harder and harder to keep a lid on his power. Eventually, people start to notice.
TW: Hella depressing thoughts, not eating/sleeping properly, addictive drug use, self harm, suicidal ideation.
Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6(Final part, coming soonish)
It was a huge issue when Merlin was a child. As a toddler, and even as a baby, Merlin’s magic was already overflowing; you can imagine how hard it is to convince a young child not to grow flowers in seconds, or force the sun to shine, or create butterflies from nothing, especially when it came so easily and felt so wonderful.
But eventually, Hunith gets the message through. Merlin’s magic reacts to his emotions, but if he puts just a little effort into keeping it inside, then it isn’t a problem.
The issue stagnates for a while, his power builds throughout his teenage years, builds noticeably, but it was slow enough that Merlin can keep the dam inside of him just high enough to prevent the ever-growing river from bursting forth.
All things considered, Merlin was pretty proud of himself. He could laugh and mess about, he could cry and dream and have nightmares, and he only needed to spare a fraction of his thoughts to keep his magic in check. Things begin to change when he arrives in Camelot. But to be fair, a lot changes when he arrives in Camelot.
He doesn’t notice it much at first, but he starts his new life in the city in Spring! So of course he doesn’t notice when there are a few more butterflies around, or if the sun is shining more than it had been in previous months, that’s just what Spring is like! And even if he does notice... it’s not like butterflies or sunshine can hurt anyone.
But then Edward Muirden tries to kill Gaius.
A second later, Merlin looks to his hand, raised and stretched out in front of him, and then he looks to Muirden, slumped on the floor with a rapidly growing pool of blood around his broken skull. He had only meant to push him back. He’s horrified, at first, but then he remembers that The King is in danger, and Morgana is in danger, and he doesn’t have time to panic, not now.
Later, he thinks that perhaps Muirden slipped when Merlin had pushed him. It wasn’t loss of control, it was just.... an accident. And it will never happen again.
Merlin builds the dam a little higher.
All things considered, he's pretty proud of himself.
Months later, Arthur is the closest to death he’s ever been. That's horrifying enough, but Merlin fixes it, he fixes it and everything’s going to be fine. But then his mother is sick and Merlin is terrified, guilty, and responsible. So he goes to fix it again. And Gaius is dead. He was too late this time. Merlin stops feeling terrified and guilty and starts feeling angry.
Once again he finds himself glancing down at his outstretched hand. Then he looks up to the stormy clouds. Then he looks across the barren ruins to Nimueh’s smouldering corpse. His anger drains from him as quickly as it had grown, but Gaius is dead, he doesn’t have time to panic, not now.
But then Gaius wakes up, and Arthur’s miraculous recovery is permanent, and his mother stays healthy, and all is well.
Later, Merlin thinks that perhaps the height of the dam isn’t the problem; it must be the little hatches at the bottom that let water through in a controlled manner that is where the issue lies. He labels one of the hatches “Anger” and decides to bolt it shut.
~
Time passes.
The friendship that started with “I think you’ve had your fun, my friend.” and the stocks and a public attempt at regicide grows only stronger, not that either of them would ever admit it, not unless an admission could be counted in the way Arthur stares at Merlin with all the trust in the world, or the way Merlin keeps risking everything just to see Arthur safe and happy.
Arthur, in his Prince-y, prattish way, takes every opportunity to wind Merlin up, though he finds that after a year or so of knowing each other, it stops working. It takes him a little while to notice, but it eventually becomes fairly obvious that Merlin is only ever pretending to be annoyed; it's incredibly rare that Arthur manages to actually get a rise out of him, and whenever that happens, Merlin avoids him for a little while before reappearing with a smile on his face as if nothing had happened, no conversation needed.
Which is probably not great in terms of Arthur learning to apologise. But oh well.
~
Merlin’s power keeps growing. At first, he puts the occasional loss of control down to exhaustion or stress: Gaius and Arthur (and all the people trying to kill Arthur) overwork him and don’t seem to realise it, plus the mounting pressure from a bloody Dragon and the entire magical community to fix Arthur, and by extension, Camelot, and by extension, the world, isn’t doing him any good either.
So who can blame him when he drops a tree instead of a branch, or he crumbles a mountain instead of loosening a few rocks. He just has to control his fear. His anger rarely gets the best of him anymore, and he’s so powerful that he’s seldom in any actual danger, so the next worrisome thing is his tendency to panic when others, especially Arthur, are in danger.
No one can know about his magic. Not yet. So causing an earthquake to stop Arthur from being beheaded, or almost splitting the ground when Morgause tries to get her claws on Morgana, or further destroying an already wrecked ruin when the Cailleach tries to take Lancelot, or or or.... yeah... not the best.
So he examines his dam once more. It’s tall, and strong. It stands against the constant onslaught of water, it’s lasted through disaster after disaster. But those pesky little hatches...
Water needs to get through: he doesn’t want to die of thirst... but equally, he doesn’t want to drown. More importantly, he doesn’t want anyone else to drown.
He labels one of the hatches “Fear” and decides to bolt it shut.
~
People do notice the slow changes in Merlin, though they seem to be positive changes, so no one brings it up in any serious capacity.
When he never gets angry, no matter the way outsiders treat him, they praise him for his patience and humility. When he always stays calm, no matter the danger or fear he should be feeling, they look to him for inspiration and guidance and applaud his level head. When one of them almost dies and Merlin fixes them up with a deep breath and the impassive expression of someone completely detached from reality, they are grateful for Gaius’ thorough Physician’s training and trust him to do his work.
He still laughs, he still seems to be the carefree young boy, now man, that they all know and love, so no one worries too much when he occasionally stiffens and purges his face of all emotion.
Lancelot brings it up once, in the quiet of an evening where neither of them have to work; lucky for Merlin considering the significant damage he’d taken in his most recent stealthy fight for Arthur’s continued survival:
“I’ll never understand how you do this, Merlin, you truly are a hero among men.”
Merlin just grunts as he re-wraps the deep gash along his ribs. Arthur had been in a foul mood today and had worked him particularly hard, giving the man every chore he could think of before finally dismissing him in his annoyance in the early evening. Merlin doesn’t take it to heart, he never does, nowadays:
“I’m no hero, just doing my job.-”
Lancelot raises an eyebrow, wordlessly offering to help Merlin with his bandages and frowning slightly when the servant shakes his head, despite his obvious pain and weariness:
“-I just need to keep control.”
Lancelot’s frown deepens at that and he tilts his head. His paranoid nature forces him to double, triple, quadruple check that the door is locked before he quietly continues:
“What do you mean?”
Merlin spares him only a short, blank glance before he looks back down to his wound, finally tying the bandage off and pulling his tunic down as he answers:
“My magic is getting stronger, it reacts fairly... aggressively, to my emotions. I need to keep tight control of my anger, fear, pain, otherwise it tends to... get away from me a little. It’s not a big deal, being able to control my emotions has proven useful to be perfectly honest.”
Lancelot seems... upset, at Merlin’s words, though the younger man can’t figure out why until he speaks a few moments later:
“Merlin that... can’t be healthy. You should be allowed to get angry, especially with the way Arthur pushes you around sometimes. And you should definitely be able to be scared, what with your... situation. I can say for certain that Gaius wouldn’t approve of you not acknowledging pain.”
Merlin doesn’t huff, not like Lancelot expects him to, and the knight finally realises that Merlin hasn’t got even marginally annoyed with anything in... years. At least not in any way that wasn’t obviously fake:
“I do acknowledge it, I just deal with it... without freaking out. That sounds incredibly healthy to me.”
He fusses with the laces of his tunic and stands to look in the mirror, double checking how well hidden the bandages are and how much he can move around without flinching. Lancelot sighs silently with the knowledge that Merlin was attempting to dismiss the topic:
“Fine. Just...be careful? And let me know if you need to... let go. We can always head into the woods for a day so you can let a little... energy out.”
Merlin tenses at the offer and doesn’t respond, and Lancelot grows even more worried as a niggling thought in the back of his mind makes itself known: Merlin was afraid of his own power, afraid to let it loose in even a safe and productive way. He doesn’t push though, and tries not to stare as Merlin bustles around his little room. He doesn’t miss the way that Merlin's contented expression is a carefully constructed façade, but he returns the servant’s (faux) merry wish of a Good Night, and allows himself to be ushered out of the room without another word.
~
The nightmares become a problem next.
He’s never in his life had issues with doing magic whilst asleep, so when he wakes to a still dark sky, sweaty and breathless, to see his window rattling in it’s frame and his bedsheets smoking with an almost-fire, it takes all of his self control not to panic.
He sits on top of his covers, focusing only on his deep breathing with his eyes closed and his arms wrapped tightly around his knees for almost an hour before he feels it’s safe to start thinking again. He washes his face, checks that the latch on his window isn’t broken and that there isn’t any damage to his sheets, before quietly making his way down to the main chamber. He guesses it’s around two candle-marks before dawn; he’s had to wake earlier before, due to Arthur’s various ridiculous quests, so he resigns himself to a long day and reads the rest of the night away.
If Arthur notices his exhaustion that morning, he doesn’t say anything, and if Merlin notices the way Arthur only really gives him one or two things to do during the day, he doesn’t say anything either.
The next night is much the same. Merlin has suffered from night terrors for as long as he could remember, not that anyone knew (though Gaius definitely suspects), but the fact that they were now causing him to set fire to things was... problematic. He woke an extra hour early this time, and already being exhausted from the previous night finally pushes him to rifle through Gaius’ sleeping draught collection.
He picks the weakest one he can find, he doesn’t take medications unless he absolutely has to; he isn’t fond of the idea that they might alter his mental state. He needs to be in control of himself, physically and mentally and emotionally and magically, but he can hardly go on without rest, that would grant him even less control.
Merlin falls asleep again quickly, but not peacefully. His nightmares seem a hundred times more vibrant, more real, and he wakes in the morning with his own blood under his fingernails and tears on his pillow. But nothing has been set alight, so the next evening, he takes another.
Gaius only brings up the missing potions once, but is quickly fooled by Merlin’s cheerful admission that he’d been taking them to help him sleep through the stress of working for such a prat. The Physician doesn’t see a problem with that, used to Merlin’s complaints of The King, so just makes sure to remind Merlin to double the amount of herbs he brings back from the forest and leaves it at that.
The issue stagnates for a while. Merlin’s power keeps growing, but the strength of his sleeping draughts grow with it, and though his mind feels numb during the day and flashes with terror during the night, he has enough energy to keep the dam high and complete his duties with a smile on his face.
~
The next time Merlin laughs, the sun comes out mid way through a storm.
No one notices the way Merlin stiffens and makes a quick exit, they only cheer loudly and point at the rainbows carving themselves across the sky.
The servant rushes to his chambers with a hand over his eyes, thankful beyond anything that Gaius wasn’t present as he locks himself in his little room and looks in the mirror. Sure enough, his normally blue eyes are ringed with an impossible to hide sliver of gold, and he forces his mind to purge itself of the admittedly hilarious tavern story Gwaine had just told.
Merlin breathes deeply, the gold disappears, and the rainbows fade.
He nods to himself resignedly, refusing to mourn the loss of his momentary happiness.
His power is growing; his bones feel like they don’t fit in his body, his emotions, his skin, his eyes, his thoughts... they don’t feel like his anymore. He feels like his blood is being replaced with stolen light, like it doesn’t belong inside him anymore than his bones do. His body is almost (almost) heavier than his mind, a mind that is now constantly being weighed down by expectations, and a few other burdens he does not let himself feel (anger and fear and pain).
He pushes the feeling (what to call that feeling, he doesn’t quite know. Inadequacy? Guilt? Responsibility?) deep instead of letting it out. Letting it out means anger and fear and pain, and anger and fear and pain mean fire and destruction, and no matter his heritage, Merlin has found himself increasingly terrified of fire. It can’t hurt him anymore, it doesn’t even tickle, but the smell of smoke makes him sick and the heat on his skin makes him want to scream.
But Merlin can’t afford that. So he pushes down his power, he builds his dam higher, he tracks down the last of his hatches.
He labels it “Happiness”, and he decides to bolt it shut.
~
Arthur’s servant had seemed tired for months now, no matter how few duties Arthur gave him, no matter how early he dismisses him or how late he asks to be woken. He doesn’t ask Merlin about it, knowing the other man would brush him off with a distracting insult and a cheeky, not quite flirtatious smirk.
He’s the first to notice the way Merlin’s hands start shaking in the late evening.
At first, he puts the shaking down to the late hour. Like he’s made note of, Merlin has been tired, so it’s the simplest explanation. But then his hands start shaking closer and closer to dinner time. And then before. And then it’s mid-afternoon when he gets the jitters. By the time Merlin is serving Arthur’s dinner his whole body is shivering, his face is pale, his eyes are nervous. His gaze jumps to the door every few seconds, like he’s itching to leave.
Arthur’s worry grows exponentially with the way Merlin’s head keeps twitching to the side, his eyes shutting in a way that looks painfully tight, as though he were trying to rid his mind of a horrifying thought. Before he can say anything, the glass on his bedside table falls to the floor, smashing with an almost deafening crash against the stonework.
The King’s head had whipped around at the noise, his worry for Merlin momentarily forgotten in the sudden blast, but the servant is rushing from the room, hand violently tugging his hair as he mutters something about “clearing that up,” before Arthur can remind himself of his servant’s evident ill-health.
He’s gone for almost an hour, but when he comes back, colour has returned to his cheeks, his body no longer shakes, his hair has been brushed through and his eyes have stopped darting around so desperately. His gaze seems a little vacant as he tidies the broken glass, but Arthur foolishly puts it down to Merlin taking some sort of medication for his earlier ailment. He’s right, of course, but oh so wrong at the same time.
He dismisses Merlin early once again, stupidly pushing down his worry for the other man and ignoring the way it takes him slightly too long to laugh at the joke Arthur had made. Almost as if he were forcing himself to react.
He must just be tired.
~
Merlin, in the rare moments where his mind is entirely his own, knows that what he’s doing is wrong. He knows he shouldn’t be taking draughts this strong on a nightly basis, and he certainly knows that when the nightmares creep into his mind—just as vivid and real and horrifying as during the night—when he’s awake, the solution is not to start taking the draughts in the morning as well. But those moments are few and far between.
Thankfully, in his mind at least, the draughts don’t send him to sleep, they just... numb him, to a certain extent. He doesn’t really question why they work the way they do: they stop him using magic and accentuate his nightmares as he sleeps, but they frost over his emotions and chase the terrors away whilst he’s awake.
His fingers feel numb, and his hearing is fuzzy. So is his sense of taste, and smell, but he needs to be able to function to keep Arthur alive and his magic under control, and this is the only way to do it. Some might say that what he’s doing is not functioning, but Merlin is a good actor, and he stays away from those that would say such things. Meaning... everyone, really.
He aches, almost constantly now, his skin itches and his eyes hurt and his hands are almost always bandaged and bloody. The draughts may put him in a sleep that’s deep enough to stop him from accidentally using his magic, but they don’t stop him from thrashing through the nightmares, scratching his arms and face and ripping the palms of his hands with his own nails.
He’s taken to brewing his own potions. He tries to rationalise it as not wanting to bother Gaius, but he knows, he knows it’s because Gaius would be worried, would call him sick, would make him stop.
And he can’t afford that.
People start to notice now. Not in the way they did before, with praise for Merlin’s bravery or curiosity about his high pain tolerance, but with a level of worry that makes them sick to their stomachs if their mind lingers on it for too long. Which is, I suppose, exactly why they don’t linger on it for too long. Not until it’s almost too late.
Merlin no longer laughs, he very rarely smiles, and he never smiles genuinely.
Gaius notes with a lowly growing horror that Merlin stopped taking the sleeping draughts, all of a sudden one day, but still seems to be wondering around in a haze that’s usually only found in insomniacs (...or drug users).
Lancelot realises that the constant bandages on his hands and the scratches on his face are not from his secret life saving Arthur.
Leon notices Merlin’s lack of strength and slight-again frame. He can no longer carry a suit of armour on each shoulder, nowadays he can barely manage to hold himself upright.
Gwaine finds that he barely eats; he doesn’t seem bothered (not that anything bothers him nowadays), he doesn’t even seem to notice when the knights pretend to have eaten all the food on patrol.
Gwen notices his quietness, the way his mind never seems present. He’d stopped coming over for their weekly lunch months ago, and he seems entirely unaware when they pass each other in the hallways.
Morgana notices his withdrawal from magic; the way he rarely uses his own unless absolutely necessary and never participates in their many training sessions (few of which he even comes to nowadays anyway).
He seems... fragile, unaware. Not miserable, per se, just... not anything, and that’s somehow so much worse.
Elyan is the one that follows him the next time he silently slips from the council room they (they, meaning Merlin, Arthur, the five knights, Gwen, Morgana, and Gaius) had gathered in. He’s quiet and careful, his steps silent and his breathing measured, though he has a feeling Merlin wouldn’t have noticed him even if he latched onto his tunic and made the servant drag him to wherever he was sneaking off to. Merlin’s hands were shaking in that way they did all the time, before they stopped for a few hours and then began again.
He makes his way through the servant corridors, head twitching to the side and knuckles occasionally grazing harshly against the stone wall as his lungs rattle, like even breathing is painful for him. Elyan’s worry grows because he knows that whatever he’s about to see will change things, and not for the better; though he has no clue what he’s about to stumble upon, the knight instinctively knows with a gnawing terror low in his gut that, if it doesn’t stop soon, it will kill his friend,
Merlin finally arrives at an abandoned section of the dungeons. The walls in this part of the castle had been deemed unsafe, and a large, tatty cover camouflages a hole in the wall that the servant sneaks through. Elyan follows him after a few moments, though he only sticks his head through, afraid of being caught, and what he sees very nearly has him vomiting.
Merlin sits haphazardly on the floor, a line of vials in front of him; half were empty, half were full of a swirling, grey, something. One hand is in his hair, tugging so hard that Elyan is sure he’s about to pull away clumps of his scalp, but the other hand... the other hand is rhythmically, though violently scraping along the bricked floor. The small pool of blood grows, spreading quickly along the cracks between the cobbles; Elyan clenches his jaw with the knowledge that if Merlin keeps that up, he’ll meet bone, and even more horrifyingly, he has a feeling that Merlin wouldn’t even notice.
Elyan’s resolve breaks and he pulls the cover back to step through, but Merlin stops all of a sudden, taking a deep breath and whimpering slightly as he untangles his fingers from his hair and pulls his bloodied knuckles from the ground. Without waiting any longer, he picks up a vial, uncorking it and downing the contents with an exhausted sigh.
His head falls back slightly, but the rest of his body follows as he almost collapses, laying on his back. His eyes are closed, but he’s obviously still awake; the blankness of his face could be nothing but deliberate. The shaking in his hands stops after a minute or so and his breathing grows easier and easier with every inhale. Elyan stares in horror, too shocked to pull himself away until Merlin sits up again, opening his eyes. The knight pulls his head from the room, flattening his body against the wall but not yet leaving, straining his ears to see if he could figure out what Merlin was doing. He hears the other man curse quietly to himself and barely registers the slight draft of cold air as he does so, moving his head closer to the cover in an attempt to identify the rustling noise from inside.
Elyan risks another peek through only to see Merlin bandaging his hand, his face blank once again and a fresh scratch down his cheek that the knight hadn’t noticed before.
Merlin... keeps bandages in here. That speaks to a certain level of awareness that brings tears to Elyan’s eyes.
The servant seems a lot more lucid now, though lucid in the way that he seems aware of his body and the world around him, though not of his own mind. Almost deliberately. Elyan, despite never wanting to let the servant out of his sight again, figures that this is the safest time to leave Merlin alone, and sneaks his way back through the castle, his back stiff and his eyes teary.
He re-enters the council chamber slowly, his breathing deep and shaky and his hands tightly clenched at his sides. Gwen is the first to notice his odd demeanour, staring at him with a worried frown as she interrupts the current conversation:
“Elyan? What’s wrong? Where did you go?”
Conversation stops immediately as everyone looks to the shaking knight, matching frowns on all of their faces. He finally clears his throat, glancing at his sister and then Gaius before his tearful gaze finally lands on Arthur:
“I... I followed Merlin.-”
Everyone immediately begins looking around the room at that, all of them cursing themselves for not noticing that either man had left. They had all individually noticed Merlin’s increasingly subdued behaviour in recent months, but none had the bravery to mention it to anyone. Just like Elyan half a candle-mark earlier, all of them realise with sudden clarity that whatever is about to happen will change everything. Lancelot, Morgana, and Gaius panic with extra vigour (though they hide it well) at the prospect of Merlin’s magic being discovered, but Percival is the first to respond:
“What... was he doing? Why’d he leave?”
Elyan’s face is utterly devoid of anything bar heartbreak as he answers, and the pure grief in his tone almost brings the others to their knees:
“He’s... uh... he’s taking something, and he was...-”
He clenches his jaw and shuts his eyes tightly, shaking his head slightly before forcing himself to continue without acknowledging Gaius’ quiet curse:
“-he was hurting himself. There’s... there’s something wrong with him, I think there has been for a while.”
Arthur is frozen, but Gwaine curses, much louder than Gaius had, in response. Gwen covers her mouth with her hands as tears form in her eyes and she speaks:
“He... he doesn’t speak to me anymore. I thought he’d just been tired but I don’t think he’s even looked at me, not unless I initiate conversation, for weeks.”
The others nod, and Leon is the next to speak, his voice cracking and his eyes shadowed with fear:
“He’s been losing strength. He always looks moments away from fainting, like holding even himself up is too much for him.-”
Gwaine interrupts him with a low growl:
“Yeah, it’s because he’s barely been eating. There’s,-”
He shakes his head, turning sharply to Elyan again:
“-what’s he been taking? What exactly did you see?”
Everyone looks to Elyan expectantly, but he just shrugs forlornly, meeting Gaius’ worried gaze as he describes what happened:
“I followed him down to a blocked off section of the dungeons. He was so... out of it, didn’t check behind himself once, had no clue I was even there. He was all jittery and kept twitching his head, like... oh I don’t know, like-”
Arthur interrupts him with a quick:
“Like he was trying to shake a thought from his head??”
Elyan’s gaze whips towards his King and he nods:
“Yeah, yeah like something horrifying kept occurring to him. Then when I caught up to him in the dungeons, he was just sat there, with a whole bunch of vials in front of him; there was a small cauldron in the corner of the room and a pile of wood. He was pulling his hair and scraping his knuckles over the floor; he was bleeding loads but I don’t think he even noticed. Then he just... froze for a moment, and then downed one of the vials. He looked... better. He laid down for a while but then sat up again and began wrapping his hand. That’s when I left, I didn’t want to leave him alone but this seemed the most lucid he was going to get. He seemed...-”
Elyan pauses, huffing in annoyance and biting his lip, trying to figure out exactly what it was that he was trying to describe:
“-he seemed angry or... or scared, but like he was trying not to be, like he didn’t want to feel anything.”
Lancelot lets out a harsh breath, burying his face in his hands before he rakes his fingers back through his hair. Everyone looks to him, instantly realising that he knows something, but they all jump in shock when he suddenly curses loudly and kicks a chair across the room. None of them have ever seen Sir Lancelot angry, and Arthur breaks his tense stupor after the chair crashes against the wall, stepping towards him with his hands held out placatingly:
“What is it, Lancelot? Do you know what’s wrong with him?”
Lancelot just turns around, fury and grief scrawled across his face as tears slip down his cheeks:
“I knew, I KNEW I should have pushed, I knew I shouldn’t have let him walk away from that conversation.-”
He storms towards the door, presumably to track Merlin down, but Percival catches his arm on the way past, spinning him around as Morgana demands, her voice shaking only slightly:
“Walk away from what conversation??”
Lancelot whirls on the group, hands clenched and eyes still furious despite the tears:
“He’s trying to control his emotions, by getting rid of them, by ignoring them, by not letting himself feel them. He’s scared of his-”
The knight stops himself with wide eyes, turning to Gaius and giving him a pointed look as he gulps. The group waits for him to finish, but at Gaius’ low, grief stricken cry of "My poor boy,” in the face of Lance’s continued silence, Arthur finally snaps:
“Scared of what, Sir Lancelot? If I find that Merlin confided in you that he was being threatened or was otherwise in danger and you did nothing, you will very soon find yourself without a head.”
Lancelot looks to him sharply, standing to his full height with his anger now directed at The King rather than himself:
“You, Arthur. You are who he’s in danger from, at least in his mind. You are who he’s so terrified of. Gods above Arthur, have you ever seen the way he suffers? Or did you figure that’s just how he is and leave it at that?!”
Arthur is too taken aback to say anything, but Percival loosens his grip on the other knight’s arm in his shock and Lancelot pulls himself free, turning to Morgana when she whispers his name harshly:
“No, Morgana, you know I’m right. You know exactly what I mean, are you not sick and tired of this?! Look at what it’s done to you, look at what it’s doing to Merlin! He’s going to kill himself if this keeps going, and something tells me he wouldn’t be all that opposed to the idea!!”
The room goes silent at that, all horrified by Lancelot’s assertion, but finding that with Merlin’s recent behaviour, and what Elyan had seen, they couldn’t find any flaw to his logic. Morgana sags at his words but nods, agreeing with him though she desperately looks like she wants to prove him wrong. She can’t meet Arthur’s stricken gaze, and Gaius is the first to break the suffocating silence, his voice hollow and mournful:
“I will speak to him next time we are in our chambers. If he is as... reliant, on whatever he is taking as he seems to be, then he will need a significant amount of time off work to... to go through a withdrawal. That’s not even accounting for the mental state he’ll be in afterwards.”
Lancelot finally seems to calm down, wiping his face clean and taking a deep breath as he nods apologetically at Morgana. She shoots him a short, accepting smile, and Lancelot is as relieved at that as he is angry at himself that Morgana had forgiven him for almost outing her secret. Arthur, however, isn’t satisfied, and takes a threatening step towards the knight, his angry gaze darting between he, Morgana, and Gaius:
“What’s wrong with him? You are going to tell me, right now, what is wrong with Merlin, or I will have all of you imprisoned.”
Morgana and Lancelot look furious at the threat, but Gaius stares at The King with a harsh blankness:
“I wonder, My Lord, how long it would take you to forgive yourself should Merlin die because you denied him treatment.”
Arthur physically recoils at that and the others freeze, knowing that they couldn’t risk Merlin’s safety like that, but also knowing that... if Gaius was insistent, they might never find out what was wrong with their friend. Leon is the first to step forward, hastily wiping the tears from his eyes before trying to force his voice into something at least resembling confidence:
“What does he need? How do we help?”
Gaius looks to him gratefully, sighing before speaking lowly:
“Firstly, I need to get him off whatever he’s taking and figure out why he started in the first place. I have a hunch that they’ll be strong sleeping draughts, though how he became this dependant, I do not know. Then, if the issue is what Lancelot suspects, then... then I imagine he will have to leave Camelot, for a little while at least.”
The others all look varying levels of horrified and angry at that, and Arthur, who is of course closer to the angry end of the scale, is the first to speak:
“Why the hell would he have to leave? Will someone please just tell me what the issue is?!”
Lancelot and Morgana look to Gaius with furrowed brows, and the others stare with wide eyes. All bar Gwen, who scowls slightly as she insists:
“No. Gaius... Gaius and Lance know Merlin best, if they think Merlin would get... worse, for us knowing, then... then we shouldn’t know. For Merlin.”
The knights look miserable at her assertion, but nod nonetheless, all looking to Arthur for his response. They all politely ignore the tear slipping down his cheek as he stares at the physician, his voice comes out barely a whisper:
“Is that... accurate? Would Merlin get worse if we knew what was wrong with him?”
Gaius finally loses the anger he’d held towards the young King, looking at him with a quiet sympathy:
“As of right now, yes, though there may be chance to persuade him if... when he gets better.”
Everyone shudders at the implication that Merlin might not get better, but they all choose to move past that; it’s not a thought any of them want to linger on. Arthur nods, sniffing slightly as he stares at the floor before clearing his throat and straightening his posture:
“Right. Fine. Everyone back to their duties, no one is to tell Merlin, or even hint, that we know something is wrong. He’s skittish, if he suspects that we know, he’ll run. If anyone sees him today, direct him to Gaius, and let everyone else know, where possible. I want to know where he is at all times. Lancelot, you will remain with Gaius until this is... sorted.”
Percival frowns, speaking for the first time since the revelations began, his tone angry:
“You can’t think Merlin’s dangerous?”
Arthur wipes his hand over his face briefly, sighing as he shakes his head:
“I don’t want to think that, but people who become reliant on drugs or alcohol or... or whatever, are known to be... aggressive. Merlin also trusts the two of them more than anyone, he’s more likely to cooperate if they’re both there. That, and the fact that he’ll likely deny everything, at least at first, and he’ll need restraining if he’s inclined to hurt himself without even realising, especially during the withdrawal.”
Once again, they all look heartbroken at what has been said, but no one argues, and when nothing more is added, Arthur tiredly waves his hand, quietly dismissing them all.
It takes a few moments for him to realise that Morgana has stayed, and he looks to her with a broken expression, noting the tears on her cheeks and the utter misery in her eyes:
“Morgana, I... whatever I’ve done to make Merlin and you... afraid of me, I am sorry. You’re my sister, and I... I love you, you’re my only family,-”
Morgana pulls him into a tight hug before he can continue and Arthur responds eagerly, holding his sister close as they both hold in their sobs:
“-I swear, I will never hurt you, not ever, no matter what. You’re all I’ve got left, ‘Gana.”
Morgana tightens her hold on him before pulling back, staring at him with a sad smile:
“I love you too, Arthur, and I want to tell you, more than anything. But... I can’t, you have to understand, me and Merlin have the same secret, if I were to tell you mine...-”
Arthur nods, giving her an understanding, though mournful smile:
“Then you would be telling me Merlin’s as well, and he is in no state to give permission.”
Morgana nods and relaxes her tense shoulders, grateful for her brother’s understanding:
“Yes. I... we both want you to know, Arthur, but things were so uncertain for so long, and then Merlin began... distancing himself, and all of this and... it just got out of hand. He was always so scared of loosing you, we both were, we didn’t want to lose the home we’ve managed to build here.”
Arthur frowns, stroking a hand through Morgana’s hair comfortingly as he says:
“’Gana, nothing you tell me could make me send you away, nothing.-”
Morgana snorts derisively as she looks to the floor, and an alarming thought occurs to Arthur. He furrows his brows and grimaces slightly in disgust:
“-You’re not... you’re not bedding him, are you?? Because that would be... highly disturbing, though I’m not sure how that could drive him to drugs and wanting to die, but-”
Morgana breaks into a loud giggle, despite the tears still in her eyes, but shakes her head, and Arthur smiles briefly at his ability to make his sister laugh during such a horrific situation:
“No, we are definitely not bedding each other. I don’t think either of us are... uh... knowledgeable... in those areas.”
Arthur raises an eyebrow in question, and Morgana rolls her eyes and sighs, smirking slightly as she points to herself:
“Men,-”
And then gestures vaguely to the door:
“-women...”
Arthur’s eyes go wide as he takes in a silent gasp. He then frowns, humming malcontentedly, and Morgana raises her own eyebrow:
“Problem?”
Arthur nods his head gravely:
“Big problem. Women aren’t really my area either and I was sort of hoping I could rely on you for the whole... heir thing.”
Morgana snorts out a laugh, biting her lip to stop herself from grinning as she stares at him and shakes her head apologetically. Arthur sighs before also shaking his head, muttering:
“That is a problem for another time.”
Morgana giggles again before sobering, putting her hand on Arthur’s shoulders and waiting until he looks back to her again:
“He’ll be alright, Arthur. I know that because I understand, at least a little, though his... situation is much worse than mine, I know he can get through this.”
Arthur nods slowly, tears gathering in his eyes once again as he responds, his voice gravelly and barely above a whisper:
“Would leaving really be the best thing for him?”
Morgana sighs, nodding and softly replying:
“Yes, he... there are lots of people with our issue, though none as big as Merlin’s, but they can help him where we can not. There aren’t many of us around here and... Merlin just needs to be taught to understand what’s going on, he needs to be taught to help himself, and then he can come back.”
“Would you go with him? Do you need to?”
Morgana smiles slightly at Arthur’s concern, but shakes her head:
“I’ve... no. I don’t need to,-”
She frowns slightly, looking like she doesn’t want to continue in fear of upsetting her brother, though she forces herself to speak:
“-though if he asked me to... I would go with him.”
Arthur nods in understanding. He’s completely moved past his anger at this point, wanting nothing more than for Merlin to get better so he was no longer suffering, so he could share his burdens, so he didn’t have to be so horribly alone. The two siblings silently leave the room, hoping beyond hope that Merlin wanted help; Arthur, because he knows what addicts (he has to get used to the idea that Merlin is an addict) are like, and Morgana, because she knows that no one could do anything to Merlin if he didn’t want them to. If he was truly so powerful that he thought the only way to control it was purging himself of emotions and constant medication... then his magic was obviously a lot stronger than even she knew.
~
No one really sees Merlin for the remainder of the day’s light. They’d be worried if it weren’t for the fact that Arthur’s meals still appear in his room, and they spot the occasional ruffle of black hair turning a corner, disappearing into the stone maze of the citadel before anyone can catch up to him.
He makes his first proper reappearance in Arthur’s chambers after The King had finished pushing his food around his plate; the day’s revelations had lost him his appetite, but Merlin just raises an eyebrow and tidies it away, ready to be taken back down to the kitchens as he quietly speaks:
“You haven’t eaten much today.”
Arthur understands the question in Merlin’s tone and is horrifically reminded of the subtle way his servant always manages to look after him, without Arthur even realising sometimes. He pushes down the swell of guilt in his lungs at the fact that Merlin could tell something was wrong with Arthur after glancing at one unfinished meal. Merlin is gaunt and pale and shivering. He’s covered in scratches and bloodied bandages. His frowns aren’t genuine and his smiles are even less so. And it took someone else having the bravery to point it out for Arthur to admit something was wrong with him.
He clenches his jaw briefly and dismisses that line of thought for later; he would have time to deal with his guilt when Merlin was better, when he stopped being so... emotionless:
“Hmm. It’s been a busy few days, I suppose I lost my appetite a little.”
Merlin turns to him with his brows slightly furrowed and fixes Arthur with a long, still stare. Arthur meets his gaze and raises an expectant eyebrow; Merlin holds the stare for a few moments and The King feels as though his very soul were being assessed. It took everything in him to not display his worry, though he hopes that “stress” would account for any fear or concern Merlin spies in him.
The servant finally nods and looks away, flinching slightly at a crack of thunder as his hands close around the tray in a white-knuckled grip:
“I’ll be back in a few hours to ready you for bed.”
Arthur stands abruptly:
“Actually, Merlin, Gaius mentioned needing you in the Physician’s chambers earlier, so go straight there after you drop the tray off in the kitchens. I... I’ll see you down there later.”
Merlin looks to him again, though his tired eyes focus on him for a far shorter amount of time as his hands begin to shake slightly. He gives The King a short nod before leaving, closing the door softly behind him.
Arthur collapses back into the chair, his head in his hands as he wonders just how on Earth he’d let it get this far. Merlin had been... falling, for a while, for likely a lot longer that Arthur was aware of even now. It felt like Arthur had only moments before Merlin violently landed, like if he didn’t fix him right now he’d lose him forever.
But he also knew that, with his promise to let Merlin and Morgana keep their secrets, he couldn’t go barging into the Physician’s chambers and demand that he be allowed to help. An intrusive thought worms it’s way to the forefront of The King’s mind, and he finds himself absent-mindedly wondering if there was anything left of the old Merlin; Arthur thinks that thought is best left un-expanded on and resigns himself to waiting for a whole candle-mark before going to check on Gaius, Lance, and Merlin.
~
End of part 1!!
Part 5 (starting on the fluffy) is done and part 6 (hella fluffy) will be coming soonish!!! The angst continues but I promise that things are looking up in the next parts!! :D
#merthur#bbc merlin#merlin#bbc merlin angst#good morgana#arthur pendragon#king arthur#protective arthur#protective lancelot#lancelot#sir lancelot#gwaine#sir gwaine#elyan#sir elyan#percival#sir percival#gwen#guinevere#gaius#morgana#lady morgana#tw drug use#drug use#drug adduction#this is HELLA angsty#sorry lads#self harm#tw self harm#suicidal ideation
439 notes
·
View notes
Text
A Little Black Lie (Regulus Black X Reader)
Word Count: 1672
TW: Pregnancy/Sex mentioned
AN: I just thought of this and it's another fairly short and quick one that I whipped up on a whim but I hope you enjoy! All feedback and REQUESTS PLEASE are welcome :)
REQUESTS (OPEN)
MASTERLIST
-----------------
I think somewhere deep inside, she knew it was difficult for Regulus to know they were together. She later wondered if really, she had gone out with him as a substitute for his brother, being his friend and not wanting to ruin things having subconsciously maybe put her off making any real moves toward the one she really wanted.
For a while she shied away from telling him, but he knew. Regulus was an observer, he was clever and he always put the pieces together. He was not someone you could hide anything from.
He always said he didn't mind, why would he? His friend seeing his older brother- a little awkward occasionally, especially considering the circumstances surrounding the brothers, but it made little difference. He just treated it as if it were any other random boy she was dating. He didn't ask much about it, and she didn't tell either- knowing he'd rather not hear about it. He was happy that she was happy, and that's all that really mattered in the end, he thought.
The relationship broke down a little, it became something less enamouring after a while- they'd always been low key about their situation, lest it become too public and therefore compromising, but it sank, from a dreamy sequence of liaison to a depth of just inches- short, sharp and quick, speechless and unfeeling little moments whilst stolen away in some corner. But even after Sirius left school, they weren't beyond sordid and sultry meetings, though they were infrequent.
It was just as the seasons were changing, a damp spring was turning into a humid summer that she realised the obvious. The worse case scenario had come to fruition and Merlin, it was like a nightmare. She wanted to scream and claw it out with frustration. This was what older women always warned you about, and young girls never listen.
She had no one to go to, to turn to and no solace but Reggie, so she stumbled, in some kind of ditzy haze to his dormroom. She found it empty, so she sat on his bed, tucked up as small as she could make herself, tightly holding one of his pillowa to her chest. She pressed her face into it and was overwhelmed by his smell. She missed him, she needed a friend and she felt so desperate. She knew he wasn't far away, but equally she felt now, as tears stung at her eyes and her throat became dry and hoarse from the awful silent sobs that she was producing, that if she stood up now, her legs would just give way. She was restless, her hands shaking and her lip quivering, feeling like she had hit the biggest brick wall of her life- like there was no way under, over or around it. She was in a blind panic that glued her to the spot she was in and all she could do was wait.
It really wasn't too long before Reggie did arrive. He looked up as he entered, surprised to see her, or more surprised to see her with such glazed red eyes and stained cheeks- a pallor to her face that was unnatural for her usually rosy look.
"(Y/n)?" He spoke as he crossed the room, immediately filled with dread at the unknown disaster that had befallen the girl, and hoping to Merlin she was just being dramatic about something small and insignificant. But insignificant it wasn't, as she shook her head and his concern triggered more tears to come swelling and falling down her face. Her chest was tight and she just opened her arms to him. He pressed no further and sat beside her, putting his arms warmly around her and attempting to soothe her, despite still having no idea what was wrong.
She relished his touch, how soft it was and how he was always gentle and kind. Not that she hadn't ever gotten that from anyone else, but she felt there was feeling behind his, a warmth and comfort that felt like sunshine, or water to a dry mouth. She simply reveled in it for a moment, as she pressed her face to his shoulder and shied away from the world, completely protected just for that second, by him.
Finally, when she felt she could breathe again for a moment, she looked up at him.
"What's happened?" He asked, in a whisper, as if speaking too loudly might shatter her like glass.
"It's not what has happened, it's what's going to happen-" She croaked and tried to avoid saying the words, terrified of them. Reggie didn't push her for more, he just waited for her to collect her thoughts and continue, knowing she would if he was patient.
(Y/n) pressed her forehead to his chest and held tightly onto him like she was clinging on for stability, and mumbled.
"A baby." She said it quitely but he still caught it. He wasn't sure of what he heard- that couldn't be right? And yet that was surely what she had just said. He looked down at her, her hair draped solemnly over her bloodshot eyes and her lips dry and bitten.
"You're sure?" He asked, maintaining the calmness she needed from him, but his heart was thumping half way out of his chest. She nodded. "It's his, isn't it?" He continued, knowing the answer but needing to be sure.
"There's no-one else it could be." She pulled away and looked up at him, wiping her eyes harshly. She couldn't tell his reaction as he quietly took her hands away from her face and used his own sleeve to dry her eyes, stopping her own frustration from irritating them any further.
"Do you know what you're going to do?" She shook her head again at his question.
"Reggie- I'm scared." She whimpered and he squeezed her hands. "Him and I- Our relationship- It's..." She trailed off for a moment. "It's not that kind of thing." She looked down and couldn't meet eyes with Reg as she admitted that, as if she thought she should be ashamed. "And I don't expect he'd want that."
Regulus nodded, his brother wasn't exactly a family man- not for his own family. Other people's he tended to love very dearly, but his own he struggled to come to terms with.
Reg sighed, wrapped his arms around her once again and lay back on the bed.
"You want to keep it then?" He asked, one arm around her and the other stroking her head.
"I think so. But- I don't know if I can. I don't know what to do-" She stuttered. She had imagined one day she would be a mother, but not like this. "I can't do it alone- and if I ever admitted to my mother that it was his- well you know how our families are. She'd kill me, or cast me out." Her lip wobbled again as she thought of her family's reaction too- the trouble she was in felt much deeper than just Sirius' highly likely abandonment. Wether or not he would have welcomed this news, no-one knew, but she was terrified of it- the risk that he might was high, and he wasn't particularly suited to a fatherly role, what with the order and the war and if he was interested that opened her up to more abuse and disownment from her family.
"Reg- What the fuck have I done?" She asked hushed but desperate, as yet more tears come forward. He just held her hand and kept her held tightly to him.
They lay there, her exhausted and mentally drained, and him wishing he could make it all go away-
Reg slipped his hand into hers, causing her glossy eyes to drift back to him. They were so red and raw, she was so tired and hopeless.
"Tell them it's mine." He whispered as he gazed into her eyes. They widened, and she seemed to stop breathing as she took in what he had said.
"What?" She asked, the word falling out of her mouth weakly.
"Tell them it's mine." He repeated. "When it comes, Sirius and I look similar enough that if it has any of his features they can be played off as mine-" He rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand as she listened, dazed by the concept. "We've known eachother for long enough, that no-one will think it an unlikely thing, and as much as our mother's will not be impressed, they'll accept it much more readily than Sirius."
"What if he hears and suspects?" She asked, her heart swelling as she listened.
"When did you last see him?" Reg asked.
"Just less than a month ago." She answered.
"Then, we'll keep it between us until after our exams, they're only in a few weeks- then we can say you just found out and you know it's mine- enough time between when you last saw Sirius and when we'll say it was conceived that he won't think a thing of it- he doesn't need to know a thing. And as long as he doesn't get many details, he won't." He allowed himself a small smile. Finally she felt some relief and nodded.
"And after it's born- I'll be there." Reg told her. "I'll help you with anything you need. Anything at all." He reassured her.
"You'd do that for me?" She asked and Regulus didn't skip a beat in replying with a firm 'Yes'.
(Y/n) leant up and kissed his cheek.
"Thank you Reggie." She began to tear up again, but Reg wiped away the tears that fell with his sleeve again. She finally smiled. She even laughed a little.
"Do you think our mother's will make us get married?" She replied to the slightly amused look Reg gave her when she laughed. He just smiled.
"I expect so- Why? Put you off does it?" She shook her head.
"No! I couldn't pick anyone better to share in our little black lie."
#hp fanfic#hp imagine#regulus imagine#regulus fanfiction#regulus headcanon#sirius and regulus#regulus black#regulus fluff#regulus x y/n#regulus black x female reader#regulus black x y/n#regulus black x you#regulus black x reader#regulus black x slytherin!reader#sirius black#sirius x you#sirius imagine#sirius#sirius x reader#marauders x y/n#marauders x you#marauders x reader#marauders era
73 notes
·
View notes
Text
Day 54: There Was Only One Bed
The case had been absolutely brutal.
Draco was completely exhausted, every muscle in his body ached, and it felt like every step might be his last before he simply passed out and fell asleep on the ground. And he was still so bloody cold, there weren't enough warming charms in the world to help him get warm.
Trudging along beside him, his feet dragging across the ground, he knew that Harry must be feeling the same. "The hotel's just up ahead," Harry murmured. "I can't wait to get a nice hot shower and then sleep for the next eight to ten hours."
He nodded in agreement, by morning the DMLE would be able to get a portkey to them so they could get back home, for now the room they were providing at the local muggle hotel would have to suffice.
The girl at the check in counter in the lobby was far too cheerful for Draco's taste, chattering away about the festival that was coming to town tomorrow and the weather (the weather of all things). Harry didn't help with his polite responses and his bloody adorable smiles.
It felt like an eternity but they finally made it upstairs and stumbled through the door only for both of them to draw up short.
"There's only one bed," Harry said.
"Yes, thank you for stating the obvious, Potter," Draco drawled, quietly panicking.
After a beat Harry suggested, "Why don't you go shower and I'll check in with the desk about it."
Draco looked over at him, "Are you sure? You're the one who got dunked into that icy water."
Harry nodded, "Your lips are starting to turn blue."
He rolled his eyes but gave Harry a little smile, "Thanks, savior."
"Fuck off," Harry laughed. "I'll be back," he added as he headed out of the room.
(Read more below the cut)
Draco turned the water as hot as it would go and climbed in under the spray, his body shivering as he slowly warmed up. By the time he got out and wrapped himself in a fluffy bathrobe that was hanging on the back of the door, Harry had returned. He'd stripped out of his wet clothes and put on the other bathrobe and was sitting at the desk, working on their report.
"What was the verdict?" Draco asked.
Harry turned and looked over at his shoulder, his eyes sliding over Draco's body covered only in a bathrobe and making Draco feel warm all over before he reminded himself that they were professionals. The other man couldn't possibly be interested in him like that, he chastised himself. He needed to get his head out of the clouds before he ruined everything.
"This is literally the only room left in the hotel," Harry said. "It's a queen size bed, though," he said with a little shrug, "We should be okay, right?" he asked, voice soft and strangely vulnerable.
Draco cleared his throat and put on his usual masks, the ones that kept anything more than friendship hidden, "Oh, I suppose," he replied and Harry gave him a relieved little smile. "As long as you promise not to steal all of the blankets."
"Promise," Harry replied, crossing a finger over his heart in a gesture that was decidedly not adorable.
Draco nudged him up from the chair, "Go shower, I'll finish these."
Harry nodded and rose, Draco watched his retreating form until he disappeared from sight. Then he turned to the reports Harry had started and picked up where he'd left off, steadfastly not thinking about Harry's naked body just on the other side of the door.
When he came back out, his long curly hair was hanging loose around his shoulders, weighed down by the water. He didn't let himself stare, didn't let himself wonder what it would be like to wrap his fingers through his hair and cover Harry's mouth with his own.
"I have some extra sweatpants," Harry said, completely oblivious to the way Draco was slowly dying inside, as he sorted through the muggle jacket he'd been wearing for the case and pulled out a little pouch. He reached inside, his arm disappearing to his elbow.
"Merlin," Draco said, watching him dig around in the bag, "Hermione's spellwork is really second to none."
Harry grinned at him over his shoulder as he dug deeper, "Right? Here," he said tossing a pair a of navy sweatpants at Draco, "These have a tie at the waist so at least they have a chance at staying up around your skinny body," he added before tossing him a DMLE t-shirt that was soft from all of the times it had been worn before.
"Thanks," Draco murmured, throat thick with the intimacy of wearing his clothes. He was fairly certain he was never going to recover from this.
"No problem," Harry replied, his dimple flashing at him.
Without another word, Draco headed back to the bathroom to change and to get a hold on his emotions because honestly, this was all feeling a bit too domestic and he needed to get a grip before he said or did something stupid.
When he came out, Harry was standing in just a pair of grey sweatpants, still digging around in the bag.
Draco's jaw literally dropped, it should be illegal for the other man to wear grey sweatpants, especially without anything else underneath. Lust spiked hot through Draco's body and his fingers itched to touch.
Harry turned to look at him, "I cannot find another tshirt in here," he said.
Draco tried to click his jaw closed and get the fucking blush that felt like it was covering his entire body under control before Harry noticed. "Sorry?" he managed.
"I can't find another tshirt." He repeated as he scratched the back of his neck, "Is it going to bother you if I sleep without one?"
Yes! Draco wanted to scream, Circe, yes. How was he meant to sleep when all of that skin and those muscles were right there?
"Draco?"
"Do you want this one?" he asked, indicating the one he was wearing.
Harry shook his head, "You get colder than I do," he said. "I run hot."
Yes, you do, Draco thought because Merlin, Harry was attractive.
"What?" Harry asked.
"What?" he replied.
"What did you say?"
Panic, absolute panic, flooded his mind when he realized he must have said that bit aloud, "Nothing," he said. "Just yes, you do run warmer than I do."
"So, it's okay for me to just sleep without a shirt?" Harry asked, sounding confused and uncertain and if the floor could just open up and swallow Draco whole, that would probably be preferable to this.
"Merlin," he said. "Sorry. No, it's fine, of course it's fine. I'm just exhausted."
Harry hummed sympathetically, "Me too." He nodded to the papers on the desk, "these can wait until tomorrow."
"Great. Bed then?" Draco asked.
"Yeah," Harry replied as he tossed the bag onto the pile of his clothes in the chair. He climbed under the covers on the right side of the bed and let out a low moan as his body sank into the mattress, "Godric, that feels good."
It was karma. It had to be, Draco was paying for every single misdeed that he'd ever committed.
"What?" Harry asked, sitting up on his elbows in bed to look at Draco, "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Like what?"
Harry's brow furrowed, "I don't know. What's bothering you?"
"Aren't you going to do something with your hair?" he blurted because it was the first thing that came to mind.
"My hair?"
He nodded, "Doesn't it dry funny if it's wet when you go to sleep? Do you ever, I don't know, braid it or something?" That seemed reasonable, didn't it?
Harry tilted his head at him, "No. Honestly, I don't know how to braid my hair."
"Let me," Draco said, then immediately cursed himself. Was it possible to just die from embarrassment?
But Harry didn't seem to think anything of it, "Yeah, alright," he said, sitting up cross legged, and turning his back to Draco.
After taking a slow deep breath and willing his racing heart to slow, he climbed on the bed and knelt behind him, "Tilt your head back a bit," he murmured and he started french braiding the other man's hair, his curls still damp but surprisingly soft.
Harry hummed softly as Draco's nails scratched lightly at his scalp as he gathered new sections to draw into the braid. "Feels nice," Harry murmured and Draco's mind was flooded with images of Harry laid out on the bed as Draco touched and kissed every inch of him; images of heady, hazy pleasure that made the back of Draco's throat feel dry.
"Good," Draco whispered as he continued to work his thick hair into the braid. "You have really fantastic hair," he said, "My mother has thick hair, I was always jealous, mine's so fine and wispy."
"I like your hair," Harry protested. "It's so shiny and it looks so soft. You've had nice hair since third year when you stopped slicking it back against your head."
He couldn't help but smile, "Just the personality that was a bit lacking."
"You turned out alright," Harry teased softly and something in Draco's chest warmed at the praise.
He summoned an elastic from the tray of office supplies on the desk and wrapped it around the end of the braid. "There," he said, "Now you won't wake up with your hair in your face."
"Thanks," Harry replied softly.
"No problem," Draco responded.
They stayed still for another long moment before Harry said, "Right, I'm half asleep just sitting here. Ready for the lights to be turned off?"
Draco shifted and slipped under the covers, "Yes."
Wandlessly, Harry turned off the lights and slid under the blankets, "Good night, Draco," he whispered.
"Good night." And there was a longing that settled deep in his chest to simply roll onto his side and pull Harry close. His fingers twitched to reach across the mere inches between them and hold Harry's hand in his.
He didn't know how long he laid there, listening to Harry's breathing, feeling the heat radiating off of the other man's body and aching to bridge the gap between them, all he knew was that, for the first time in his life, his feet weren't cold as he drifted off.
---------
Draco was having the most amazing dream.
He was laying in bed with Harry, their bodies all tangled together, as Harry kissed him. Draco's arms wrapped tighter around him, hands caressing, the broad, smooth planes of his back.
"Mmm," Harry hummed as he sucked on Draco's lower lip. When he drew back, he pressed hot, open mouthed kisses along Draco's jaw, licking and sucking as he groaned, "Mmm, Draco."
Surely, Draco had never heard his name before, it resonated down to the core of his being and made his entire body shudder as he arched closer and tipped his head back to give Harry easier access to his neck.
His fingers slid into Harry's hair, catching on the braid. And in that instant, he realized this was not a dream and his eyes snapped open. "Shite," he managed, shoving Harry back, "I'm sorry," he gasped, even as Harry flailed and fell on the floor.
"Ouch," Harry groaned.
"Shite," he repeated, "Fuck." He ran a trembling hand through his hair, tugging at the short strands as he tried to come up with some way to fix this, to salvage their partnership, to salvage their friendship. "Salazar, Harry, I'm sorry."
Harry sat up, on the floor, "Just to be clear, what are you sorry for?"
"Kissing you," he said. "Harry I never meant for you-"
"That's what I was afraid of," Harry groaned.
"Sorry?"
Harry shook his head and summoned his glasses so he could shove them on his face, "No, I'm sorry. This is all my fault." He looked up at Draco from where he was still sitting on the floor, "Can I be honest with you?"
Draco nodded.
"I have an embarrassingly massive crush on you."
He stared at Harry uncomprehendingly.
Rubbing at the back of his neck, Harry continued, "And I know that you couldn't possibly feel the same," he hastened to add, "But I'm sure that sleeping so close to you made my subconscious-"
"I feel the same," he blurted because he couldn't possibly wait for Harry to finish that sentence, not when he looked so heartbroken.
"What?"
Draco tried to get off of the bed, got tangled in the sheet, and ended up sprawling on top Harry on the floor. "I," he said, rubbing at his rib cage where it had banged into the nightstand, "Ouch. I feel the same."
"Yeah?" Harry breathed, his fingers clenching in the tshirt Draco was wearing.
Draco nodded, "For absolutely ages. I-"
Harry's mouth covered his and stopped the flow of words but that was just fine with Draco, obviously his mouth had been made to kiss Harry and nothing more. Harry started trailing kisses all over his face and Draco couldn't help it, he started to giggle.
He could feel Harry's smile against his skin but he growled teasingly before Draco found himself quite suddenly flat on his back on the mattress with Harry's body over his.
"Did you just apparate us without a wand?"
Harry's head popped up from where he was sucking what Draco was sure was going to be a fantastic bruise on his neck, "It's not like it was far."
"That is ridiculously hot," Draco said, arching up against the hard planes of Harry's body.
"Let's see what else I can do to get you to say that," he said with a wink.
Unsurprisingly, there was no shortage of things that Harry could do that Draco found ridiculously hot.
---------
On their way down to complimentary breakfast the next morning, they were greeted by the man covering the check-in desk, "Good morning, gentlemen, I trust you slept well. Especially since you didn't have any neighbors on your floor," he added with a smile.
"We slept great, thanks," Harry called as he hurriedly ushered Draco toward breakfast.
"Wait a minute," Draco said, looking over at him. "You said that every room in the hotel was full!"
Harry cringed, "I lied."
He stared at him in shock for a moment, "You Slytherin!" he accused. "Look at you, using your cunning to get what you want."
"Well, I'd say it worked out just fine, wouldn't you?" Harry asked with a pout.
And he took pity on him, because he was honestly the most adorable thing Draco had ever seen and he was pretty sure he was in love with him. "Better than fine," Draco replied, leaning over to press a kiss to his lips.
And it was better than fine, in fact, it made a fantastic story for their wedding just over a year later.
------------
Ho boy. This one got away from me. Sorry it's so long!
Day 53: First Anniversary | Day 55: Music
#100 drarry drabbles in 100 days#drarry#drarry drabble#drarry ficlets#idiots in love#there was only one bed#I'm weak for this trope#sos#Sorry it's so long!#thank you for the prompt!#I hope you enjoy it!
355 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
largando
Untitled
theoferre
Théo Ferré
danavenell
DanAvenell
hugsupplier
It takes quite little to be happy.