Uther trying to find Arthur a trophy wife versus Arthur wanting to be Merlin's trophy wife, fuckin fight
DING DING DING
WAKE UP BITCHES WE GOTTA BRAWL GOING ON
IN THE LEFT IS UTHER PENDRAGON, TYRANT KING, AND HATER OF MAGIC. HE APPROACHES THE RING WITH THE INTENTIONS OF WINNING AND CONVINCING HIS SON, THE CROWN PRINCE, THAT HE SHOULD HURRY UP AND MARRY SOME PRETTY LADY TO COMPLETE THE HETERO ROYAL AGENDA
TO THE RIGHT IS THE CROWN PRINCE, THE SWORD SWISHING BISEXUAL.....ARTHURRRRRRR PENDRAGON!!!!! HE ENTERS THE RING ALSO INTENDING TO WIN
(AH DAMN, BOTH ARE VERY SURE OF THEMSELVES)
RIGHT THEY ARE, JACK
ARTHUR STANDS AGAINST HIS FATHER ON THE BASIS THAT HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO BE TROPHY WIFE AFTER SPENDING 20 YEARS DOING ALL THE WORK FOR THE KINGDOM. IT'S A VERY BI WAY OF THINKING AND ONE I AM ALL FOR THIS IDEOLOGY
(SAME HERE, I'D LIKE TO BE THE STAY AT HOME SPOUSE FOR ONCE)
JACK, YOU'RE ONE OF KIND
NOW, THE TWO MEN ARE CIRCLING EACH OTHER SENDING THROWS THAT NEVER HIT. AND OH, WHAT'S THIS???
(I BELIEVE THAT'S---)
MERGWEN ENTERS THE RING WITH A STEEL CHAIR, EFFECTIVELY KNOCKING OUT UTHER PENDRAGON. FOLKS...I THINK WE'VE FOUND OURSELVES CAMELOT'S NEW RULERS
I convinced my dad to watch merlin with me and here’s what he has to say
“They both have hard-ons right now.” -after Merlin and Arthur fight in s1e1
“For a land where magic is illegal, everyone fuckin does magic.”
“What a pain in the ass!” -about kilgharrah
“He has no luck with women” -about Arthur
“I like the old coot!” -about Gaius
“Oh they give each other eyes now!” -s1e4, on the first occasion of merthur eye sex
*whispers* “I love you, Arthur” -mimicking Merlin mumbling under his breath while poisoned by the mortaeus flower
“Where do they find all these pretty men?” -when Lancelot is introduced
“Oh look, someone is having fever fits again.”
“Gwen could definitely do more damage with a sword than Merlin.”
“YOU’RE TELLING ME NOBODY SAW THAT?” -one of the many times when merlin uses magic very loudly in a large crowd
“Uther’s just not very bright, is he?”
“What a cutie patootie!” -about colin morgan (he roasts me all the time for obsessing over his cute little face)
“Wow, a noogie! That’s hardcore.” -s2e9, arthur and merlin “that’s better” scene
“Well, he IS cute as a dickens.” -when Alice tells Gaius that she’s missed him, s3e9 (this one took me out)
“I asked a coworker if he’s seen this show and he asked me to describe it, so I told him that it’s about King Arthur lore but they’re teenagers and it’s incredibly homoerotic.”
Uther: fuck sorcerers
I need a Merlin fic that takes place after the picnic in Queen of Hearts but instead of Uther being all ticked off and banishing Gwen, he’s very confused about Merlin & Arthur…
Uther: But what about the boy? I’ve always thought you an honorable man, Arthur. How could you do this to him?
Arthur: What boy?
Uther: Your servant. The one with the mental affliction where you both try and die for the other. I even gave him my permission to court you.
Merlin & Arthur: WHAT?!?
Uther: What did you think I meant when I said that you were extremely loyal and to look after him!!? Must I spell out everything?
Where does Merlin keeps on finding the boats that he uses to send his loved ones into Lake Avalon??? Does he dabble as a boatbuilder or something?
When Merlin is stealing food for Freya and that bounty hunter gets him, even though Merlin is acting suspicious Arthur immediately gets him out. And Arthur doesn't even punish Merlin for stealing his food, he just acts really confused about if he really is getting fat. Arthur puts complete trust in Merlin no matter what.
merlin: *does magic*
uther: a sorCERER SEIZE HIM
arthur: father thats ridiculous merlin doesnt have magic
uther: HIS EYES TURNED GOLD
arthur, dreamily: haha yeah sometimes when the light reflects in his eyes they do that <3 its so pretty <333 doesn’t he have the prettiest eyes <333
merlin, not having heard any of that conversation: thank the gods that the pendragons are so stupid they wouldnt realize i have magic even if i screamed it out loud :)
uther: magic is extremely seductive
arthur, looking at merlin: yeah, it is
we don't talk enough about how absolutely batshit insane uther was for making an unknown peasant boy who was literally just in his dungeons the day before arthur's manservant
like. yeah okay this boy saved arthur's life, sure, but he went straight from jail to being arthur's kept boy? like uther didn't even THINK before promoting him to THE MOST TRUSTED SERVANT to THE PRINCE
uther really took one look at merlin and then one look at arthur and said oh this will be fucking hilarious
merlin, excalibur // sarah kay, hand me down // x //merlin, beauty and the beast II // merlin, valiant // taylor swift, tolerate it // @katherynefromphilly , our destinies our own // merlin, the death song of uther pendragon // rebecca makkai, the great believers // bruce springsteen and e street band, adam raised a cain // merlin, a herald of the new age // lia marie johnson, dna // taylor swift, better man // joan tierney, free-range angel produce: an idyll.
MERLIN | 1x01 “The Dragon''s Call”
Arthur: Listen, I can explain...
Leon: You’re making $500,000 and you’re only gonna pay me $30,000?
Gwaine: You’re getting 30 grand? I’m getting $1,000!
Merlin: You guys are getting paid?
Imagine the sheer hilarity if Lancelot and Gwaine switched their first episodes. Gwaine shows up and saves Merlin from a griffin and gets injured.
Merlin: You're cool and you saved my life! You should be a knight so we can hang out!
Gwaine: *frantically trying to think of a way to tell his new friend no when he's looking at him with that face*
Gwaine: Sorry bro, I'm not a noble so I can't
Merlin: That's okay! We can just commit identity fraud!
Gwaine: . . .
Gwaine: I'm in
And the rest of the episode proceeds with Gwaine pretending to be the son of a random nobleman when he's already a noble purely for the chaos of it all. Bonus points if someone were to recognize Gwaine for some reason as already being a noble.
Random nobleman: *narrows eyes* And you're certain you're the son of Lord Eldred? It's just, you look so much like-
Gwaine: Yep, sure am! Good ol' Eldred and my three-
Merlin: *coughs* Four
Gwaine: -Four brothers! Ha ha ha it's a great happy family!
Random nobleman: *continues to squint suspiciously*
*Random nobleman goes to the king*
Random nobleman: Sire, I think this man is lying about his heritage!
Uther: *Gasp* Are you saying he's not actually noble?
Random nobleman: No, he's definitely a noble, but he's lying about which nobleman!
Uther: . . .
Gwaine helps to take down the griffon and finds out about Merlin's magic, deciding he needs to stay around to watch his back and to partake in magical shenanigans. Also he's grown to sort of respect Arthur at this point and Arthur in return, so when the truth comes out about the forged seal, Gwaine is just-
Gwaine: It's cool it's cool, I am a nobleman, just a different nobleman, here's my seal
Random nobleman: I KNEW IT!!!
Uther is contemplating if he cares enough about the semantics to arrest Gwaine, Arthur is just like
Arthur: Seems legit, welcome to the crew new bestie *high fives Gwaine*
Uther decides that at least this new friend is a noble and might get Arthur to stop spending so much time with his peasant servant, and lets it go.
(now, Arthur spends all his time with his peasant servant AND the alcoholic knight and Uther gives up)
(Lancelot shows up later and Uther, halfway through his fifth cup of wine, is so relieved he seems responsible that he knights him on the spot without checking his references)
(Lancelot turns out to be just as chaotic as the others and Uther just hides in his room for the rest of the series, allowing Arthur to be king way earlier. Arthur legalizes magic and the golden age happens and all that jazz)
Arthur constantly breaks the law for Merlin's sake. When the witch finder comes to Camelot and Gaius is thrown in prison, Arthur allows Merlin to go in and see Gaius in the dungeons and he even states that he's breaking the law. He constantly goes against direct orders from Uther for Merlin's sake.