#literally became his glorious purpose and now it's the only thing in this world he can't do oh i'm DISTRAUGHT | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stratiotis-nth · 3 years

Text

“Dean, just go book a massage already.” Sam griped as Dean let out another groan, his muscle roller brutally pressing over the knots in his shoulder. “Campus offers sessions at the health center.”

In all honesty, Dean had been trying to do everything except go get a massage. He didn’t like the idea of strange people touching him, and it certainly didn’t help that he’d seen a lot of erotic massage porn in his day. He didn’t want to get a goddamn boner in the middle of the session and get stuck in an awkward predicament with some poor girl just making minimum wage.

“I’m fine.” Dean grumbled, wincing again as the roller bumped over the aching knot he had had since he was a teenager.

“Your appointment is on Friday at 2.” Sam replied flatly. Dean turned to stare at him, incredulous as Sam showed him the confirmation page on his laptop. He scowled.

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

——————

Dean mentally cursed Sam as he sat in the relax room in nothing but a fluffy towel around his hips, anxiously waiting for the masseuse to come get him (despite the room’s literal purpose being to relax). He had tried to cancel his appointment, but Sam had done something to it so the cancellation page was guarded by a passcode. He had clearly gone lengths to get Dean’s muscles loosen up, but he also suspected this was payback for every time Sam had been forced out of their apartment so Dean could hook up with whatever chick he happened to woo at the bar.

“Mr. Winchester?”

Dean jerked his head up, startled by the low pitch of the voice. Holy fucking shitbags, was he getting rubbed up by a dude? He had been expecting some hot chick with curvy hips and big tits with soft hands that could melt him to butter—

He could practically hear Sam’s voice in his head.

You’re confusing reality with porn again.

Dean nearly choked on his words, his anxiety only increased when he realized what was about to happen.

“Y-Yeah?” His voice cracked at the end. He only just started taking in the guy’s features and felt his shoulders stiffen even more—fuck. This guy was gorgeous. Not only did he have the voice of a goddamn erotic storyteller, but he looked the part too. Glossy black hair that was unfairly messy in the most attractive way (Dean’s horny mind unhelpfully suggested his hair looked like he had just gotten thoroughly fucked), a strong jawline darkened by a five o clock shadow that was so defined Dean felt the strangest urge to bite it. His lips were a little chapped, but they were plush and pink—

All train of thought came to a screeching halt when their eyes met. Jesus Christ, did this guy inject the fucking ocean into his eyeballs? No one has eyes that blue—Dean could make out the color from across the room. They shown bright and soft, a shocking contrast from the sharp defined features of a young man in his prime.

“If you’ll come with me, we can start your session.” The guy said. Dean nearly stumbled on his goddamn feet as he stood up. He had never had a problem with guys before, so why was this one throwing him off kilter?

It’s just because he’s gonna have his hands all over you in a minute. Dean reasoned to himself, anything to stop the feeling of panic fluttering in his chest. He silently followed the guy into one of the rooms, once again distracted by how fucking good the guy smelled. Maybe it was just the aromatherapy mentioned on the center’s website, but this guy smelled deeper, like almond extract and honey mixed with pine and campfires. Woodsy but sweet and Dean felt his shoulders relaxing involuntarily—until the sharp scent of lavender hit his nose and the guy’s scent was wiped out. The lavender immediately brought him back to the present, and he snapped out of his daze to realize the guy was standing patiently by the massage table—right. Dean was supposed to lay down on it.

“Have you ever had a massage here before?” The guy asked as Dean laid down and self consciously adjusted the towel now unwound from his waist and spread out on his pelvis.

“N-No.” Dean managed in a somewhat level voice.

“Well, welcome.” The guy gave him a small smile. Somehow, it made him feel better. “I’m just going to go through the standard procedure you ordered before we begin, alright?”

“Kay.” Dean squeaked, immediately making up for the embarrassing noise with a low grunt as he cleared his throat.

The guy started to calmly inform Dean of the places he would be putting his hands, all while pouring sharply sweet smelling oil on them. While he talked, Dean’s gaze somehow latched themselves onto the now-shiny hands that were about to be on him. They were nice hands—really nice hands. The knuckles were defined and his fingers were slender and strong. Dean could see the veins and tendons rolling under tan skin as he worked the oil around.

“—is that alright?”

He blinked, tearing his eyes away from the dude’s hands and back to that too blue gaze.

“Yep.” He said, all without really hearing a word the guy had said. It was an automatic response, one that the panicking part of Dean was screaming to take back.

“Your form says your problems areas are your shoulders and upper thighs.” The guy said casually. Dean felt the tips of his ears burn—his thighs were just fine, Sam knew that.

Fuck. Sam had done it on purpose, hadn’t he? To fuck up Dean’s world in cruel retaliation.

“Please turn on your back so we can begin.”

Dean tensed up the moment he was in position and the guy’s warm, slick hands touched his shoulders. His masseuse didn’t seem fazed, because he immediately went to work, strong fingers pressing into his skin as they work down his upper shoulders.

It took him a moment, when he felt Dean relaxing under his ministrations, to really begin. Dean bit back a groan as the hands suddenly became brutal, zeroing in on the knots and forcing them down with accurate strength. Dean tried to breath through the agonizing pain as he felt his muscles get pinched between strong fingers and pulled on the harsh rub downwards.

The guy worked diligently even though he had to know how much Dean was struggling. His body was both encouraging and protesting his actions, because while the knots hurt, Dean found himself floundering whenever the hands disappeared from his skin for more oil.

He felt himself sinking into the cushy table, melting like wax under this guy’s hands. As the pressure of fingers stayed on Dean’s upper shoulder and neck, there wasn’t even a buzz of arousal that he had expected. Porn lied to him, clearly, because this was perfectly okay and clinical—

And unmanly whimper escaped Dean’s clamped lips as he felt the hands slid downward without warning and suddenly there was warmth shooting down his pelvis—oh no…

The hands never stopped, traveling further down his spine and sides, pausing here and there to work out kinks. Dean did his best not to squirm, to think of disgusting things if only to dispel the chubby he probably had. The hands were nearly at his hips, pressing on either side of his tailbone and jesus fucking christ surely the towel was covering him up?

The hands disappeared, and immediately, Dean despised the loss. All his panicking vanished, replaced by a yearning to feel the touch again. He nearly jumped when the hands suddenly pressed into the back of his thighs, just below the crease of his ass. Another spike of hot arousal shot down his spine, and Dean sincerely prayed he wouldn’t be asked to turn over.

But jesus, this guy was working magic. He found knots that Dean didn’t even know he had, nearly making him cry when he worked out a particularly harsh one in his calf.

He was there for nearly an hour, fighting between states of arousal and panic in complete silence while this poor (but very hot) guy did his job in total blissful ignorance of Dean’s internal war.

“If there are any areas on your front you would like me to work on—“

“No!” Dean said a little too quickly. “No, I’m fine. Just—“ While panicking, his shoulders had tensed up again. And maybe a small part of him didn’t want to leave just yet. “Can you work on my shoulders a little more? I’m always tensing them.”

“Of course.” Came a rumbling reply, and those glorious hands were back on his shoulders, carefully pressing out the knots trying to form again. Dean immediately melted again, his shoulders slumping against the pressure.

He thought that would be the end of it. Dean had gone to the massage like Sam wanted (maybe he was thinking about going back, because he hadn’t felt that relaxed and loose in years), and now Dean could get back to classes and the garage. And if maybe he jerked off to a massage porn video imagining his masseuse instead of the faceless guy in the flick, if maybe Dean started having wet dreams about him basically every night, if maybe Dean was starting to question is already questionable sexuality all because this guy gave him a massage, it was no one’s business but his. Not like he’s ever gonna see the guy again anyway, because how could he go back now that he’s jerked off to the guy? That’s just rude.

So imagine his shock, terror, and panic when he walked into the first day of his tech class to see Mr. Massage sitting at a nearby work table, talking quietly with the professor. Mr. Magic Hands is Castiel Novak, Dean’s TA…and his lab partner for the year.

57 notes · View notes

amiechuchu · 3 years

Note

do you do requests? :D can i request for a fluffy doctor!reader and loki? i love your mmaatib series btw!

anon!! you're making me BLUSH!!! thank you so much for your support! and sorry if this came out a bit late i was feeling a bit under the weather the past few days. i also apologize for any errors btw! as you can see, i am a very very tired student who just wants her fix of loki too :'). anyways, i hope you enjoy!

Summary: because of y/n’s incessant pestering, loki turns y/n into a cat hoping that it would give him a moment’s peace.

Warnings: none

Catastrophe.

Loki had become accustomed to the smell of disinfectants that linger in the medical wing as his visits became more and more frequent. Although he hated to admit it, he loved the company you were able to provide. Maybe a bit more than the shared solace your safe haven have provided for the both of you. Usually, the low hum of the air-conditioning filled the room’s silence along with the small conversations you and Loki had shared.

However, today was not one of those usual days. Today, you decided to reverse the roles, where you would be the one getting under Loki’s skin and Loki would be... Loki. Today, you decided that it would be fun to be the most annoying person in the whole Nine Realms. How? By disrupting the peace that graced this room, of course. You started off by imitating the Avengers to which he easily ignored. Then, you began imitating him, speaking of glorious purpose and whatnot, asking him to conjure his prized golden horns for you to use. Though the image that crossed his mind of you wearing his horns was temptingly adorable, his growing annoyance was far greater. Its evidence pointed at his deepening unamused pouty face.

The last straw for Loki was when you thought of imitating a variety of earth’s animals. You chirped, mooed, croaked, barked, and meowed. At that point, despite how much Loki loved hearing your voice, having a moment’s silence sounded so much sweeter to him. So, the God decided to turn you into the last animal you imitated... a cat. With a flick of his wrist, green swirls engulfed your form, and, in just mere seconds, you were transformed into a furry feline. A very cute one nonetheless.

You stood on your hind legs to admire your paws, mesmerized. Loki, on the other hand, looked pleased to see that your awe has taken over your sudden bouts of wanting to annoy him. He could finally read his book in peace, whilst stealing glances at your feline form every now and then to make sure that you don’t get into trouble.

You took a few steps forward and a few steps back to see how comfortable it was to walk on four legs. It seemed very unnatural to you at first, but you managed. After a few minutes of walking, running, jumping, and exploring the area with your new form, you were confident that you had mastered the basics of feline movement. Without a care in the world, you began to sing Loki a song... in cat... very badly. In which, the lyrics you uttered were literally just meow, meow, meow, and meow on repeat.

“Loki,” you said in attempts to get the God’s attention. To your surprise, a meow still came out. The evident shock in your furry face shown as your irises were enlarged and your mouth slightly open.

“Cats meow, pet,” Loki snapped at you, eyes still focused on the novel he was reading. “You know, for a mortal who treats people for a living and studies human physiology all their life, you don’t seem very smart. And no, before you even ask, I will not turn you back. ”

Ignoring his remark, you jumped up to the table where he was situated. This time you kept tapping on his hands. “Hey, listen,” you meowed wanting the God’s undivided attention. “Wait, how can you even understand me?”

Before Loki could answer, the doors to the medical wing were swung open, revealing your boss, the one and only Tony Stark. Great. Immediately, Loki’s face soured upon seeing the man. His face all scrunched up and pouty again. You, on the other hand, pretended to be a good little kitty and lie down on the table, acting all cute and innocent. Tony wouldn’t notice, right? No, he would. But, he wouldn’t care, right? Hopefully.

“Reindeer games, have you seen the, uh, doctor in charge here. They are about this tall, and probably the only person who hangs out here majority of the time?” Tony asked, as he made gestures with his hands trying to picture out your height. He took a few glances at you - the cat - on the table as your tail gracefully wagged to-and-fro. Although a bit confused, he decided not to mind it, thinking that someone - maybe even Loki - adopted the cat and let them in the tower. Not that he really cared at the moment. Currently, the only thing nagging his brain was finding his precious doctor to finish their research agenda. This was the first time you were late and that worried Tony more than he’d like to admit. He wanted to find you before an overprotective uncle Bruce could notice, and, honestly, racing against that time period was too pressuring, even for him.

“I haven’t seen them,” Loki replied, making shooing motions with his hands. A signal that he wanted to be left alone already. The God went back to reading his novel until Tony left to scour the entire building for you, muttering something along the lines of calling Doctor Strange if he couldn't find you at all. He knew that Bruce wouldn’t take it lightly knowing his niece was missing under his watch, so calling out the all-knowing sorcerer became his trump card in case dear old Brucie decided to kick his ass for losing you.

With Tony out of the way, Loki turned his gaze on you.

Actually, on nothing now.

Of course, you had to disappear for real this time.

An exasperated sigh came out of his mouth as he realized you ran away from him. It wasn’t long until the same sense of worry Tony had came over the God. Realizing his current situation, an anxious laugh managed to come out of his mouth. Look at him, Loki Laufeyson, God of Mischief, a literal deity, worried about the doctor who he turned into a cat.

At this point, panicked thoughts began to rival his own logical ones.

What if someone else had picked you up? You were in a form of a feline inside a facility that clearly doesn’t deal with any animals. It wouldn't be a surprise if someone took you. Undoing the magic with this situation in mind wouldn't bring as much trouble, right?

Loki thought of undoing the magic, but another thought popped into his head before making the decision. What if you were hidden in some cramped space just waiting for him to find you? He feared that undoing it while you were in hiding might be detrimental to your own safety. As much as you annoyed him, Loki wouldn’t want to see his favorite little physician hurt in any way.

Upon weighing all the pros and cons of the situation they were in, Loki decided to look for you the old fashioned way: by himself. Magic would be useless in this situation. Knowing you, any form of telepathic communication Loki made would just be ignored. Though he loved playing all types of games with you, this one only stressed him out. Taking a deep breath, he steadied himself and thought of the different places he would hide if he were you.

The God observed his surroundings as he decided to look for you inside the medical wing first. With you in feline form, you wouldn't have the strength to push open the doors, so he deduced that you wouldn't have gotten too far. Maybe you were under the beds, hidden in the shadows. Or even at the top of the shelves, away from plain sight. He began pacing through the whitewashed rooms, looking for more clues to narrow down the possible hiding places. Upon reaching halfway through the wing, Loki noted how the afternoon sun shone brightly, through the wide glass windows especially there at the far end of the room. Coincidentally, at the same area, he also spotted a seemingly occupied hospital bed with its curtains pulled all the way. The God took a few more steps as his brain continued to wire all the information together. Finally, it dawned on him.

That was perfect place for a catnap.

Loki crept towards the bed's entrance, careful not to make any sounds to alarm you. Anxiously, he peered through the curtains, mentally cursing himself for the crinkling sound it made. Gods, how he prayed to find you there waiting for him. Taking a deep breath, he made his way inside the secluded area to find... you basking under the sun in feline form, all curled up and asleep. Thank the Norns.

Your rhythmic purring quietly resonated throughout the area. A smile tugged at the edges of his mouth, relieved to have found you. Although he was jealous of the fact that the entire time you were just fast asleep, while he had to go through such an ordeal. And so, Loki climbed on top of the bed in the most quiet way possible. Although he was slightly unsure of his actions, he did it anyway. No one else was there, no one else would know. So, there he lay beside you, comfortable with a novel in hand.

It was not long until all the adrenaline in his system died down, and Loki too needed a nap of his own. He stifled a yawn, not wanting to disturb your peaceful slumber. As time passed, the God slowly drifted to sleep, and the magic that held your form was undone. Now, there you lay beside him, adorned by the golden afternoon sun.

Still in deep sleep, you shifted your position, attracted to the warmth the God had brought with him. Realizing the change in position, Loki, as if by reflex, took his arm and put it around the small of your waist in attempts to keep you from falling off the edge, to keep you close. His head nudged yours lightly, and there he stared, captivated, at your sleeping form. There he realized how much he really cared for you despite how much of a handful you can be sometimes. It just felt right for him to have you pressed into his chest, to have his arm around you, to have you right there by his side.

It just felt right for him to have you.

“Sleep well, my mischievous little doctor,” the God said as he placed a gentle kiss on your forehead before finally dozing off.

As the two of you blissfully slept, basking under the afternoon sun, somewhere around the tower there was a very angry Tony Stark, looking for the missing doctor. That didn't matter at all to Loki. The only thing that mattered to him then and there was you by his side, safe and sound.

It was enough for him that today didn't end in a catastrophe.

Taglist: @gaycatlord-stuff

#mmaatib #magic mayhem and all things in between #loki laufeyson #loki #loki x reader #loki x you #loki x y/n #loki/reader #loki/you #loki imagine #imagine loki

86 notes · View notes

banana-with-a-bow-tie · 3 years

Note

Why would a self-respecting person become a christian? I am asking you this quite literally, what about christianity would appeal to a person who respects themselves?

Imagine you are homeless. You don't have a penny to your name. Your family is sick and starving and you're not sure how you are going to stay alive the next day. Now imagine that a billionaire sees your situation and has compassion on you and wants to help you. More than just giving you a check or a house, the billionaire says he is going to make you an heir to his fortune. You will inherit everything he owns.

Now you have two options. You could say, "No thanks, I don't need charity. My life is good and valuable just the way it is." You could say that you have a lot of self-respect, but anyone with eyes would say you would be a fool to turn away such a kind and generous gift. Someone who won't admit they need help or own up to their mistakes isn't strong, self-respecting, or independent. They are arrogant. Instead of giving themselves honor, their pride only increases their shame.

On the other hand, you could tell the billionaire, "I am destitute. I could never pay back such a gift, but I am in desperate need of your help or else I will die." By admitting to your situation and accepting the billionaire's gift, not only is your life and your family saved, you receive all the honor that comes from being in the billionaire's family.

This is the paradox of Christianity. Jesus said the first will be last and the last will be first (Luke 13:30) and that the meek and poor in spirit would inherit the earth (Matt 5:3-5). God takes the people we think should have the highest honor, the rich and powerful and famous and religious, and He flips the line around, giving his goodness to the poor and the weak and the outcast and the sinner (1 Corinthians 1:26-31).

Here is your situation. God created you to possess the highest honor imaginable, to bear the image of the perfect, infinite, glorious creator of the universe and to rule his universe with him spreading his goodness. But we as human beings thought we could do better than that. We thought that by serving ourselves and being our own god we could have more satisfaction and purpose. But we aren't God. You aren't infinite or all knowing or all powerful. You aren't qualified to be your own god, so instead of being in relationship with the most wonderful person in existence, you are a slave to sinful desires that only end up hurting you. The reason people lie and steal and fight and lust is because they want to do things their own way rather than God's way (Romans 1:18, 24-25; James 1:13-15). Instead of creating honor for ourselves, we created shame and judgment.

God is perfectly righteous and hates wickedness. He is the standard of everything that is good and He must judge evil wherever it is found (Psalm 7:11). But He is also rich in kindness and forgiveness (Psalm 86:15). He doesn't want to see His creation suffer. He still wants to give us the good gift of being in relationship with him, living, working, and ruling in His world. So God made a way to be just and to restore us to a right relationship with Him. He became a human being, Jesus, and lived the perfect life we could never live. Then He died on the cross, taking the penalty and shame we deserved for our sin (Isaiah 53:4-6). Then He rose from the dead, proving that sin and death had no power over Him or anyone who believes in Him. Jesus took your sin and shame and offers to give you all His perfect righteousness so you can finally have peace with your loving and kind heavenly Father (2 Corinthians 5:21).

Right now, you could become a child of the King of the Universe and find freedom from a world filled with pain and death and sin. That is the appeal of following Christ, but it isn't easy. You have to be humble enough to admit that you are a sinner, that you have rebelled against God and deserve His judgment. You also have to be willing to admit there is nothing you can do to save yourself, that you are totally dependent on God's kindness shown to you in Jesus to be saved from what your sin deserves. But if you will turn from your sin, stop trying to live your life your way and instead desire the things God wants for you, trusting Him when He says that He is good and will save you from your sin, then He will be faithful to fulfill His promise. He will cleanse you from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9) and give you everlasting joy in knowing Him (John 15:10-11).

58 notes · View notes

sonic-me-baby · 3 years

Text

Why I didn’t like Loki Season 1

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR ALL EPISODES

With a series titled ‘Loki’, one would assume that we would get a deep dive into the character of Loki to better understand his motivations, traumas and backstory. Look at Wandavision - despite its failings it really told the story of Wanda and how she deals with her trauma WHILE advancing the plot. Falcon and Winter Soldier wasn’t as good but at least, we see how Falcon and Bucky deal with the aftermath and there is some growth.

I thought that Loki was on the right track in episode 1 when Loki watched himself die and reflect a little more on himself and ‘glorious purpose’. In fact, the whole set up with the TVA seemed like an amazing premise to allow Loki to rediscover himself and forge a new path for himself - an interesting prospect when we consider the tension between what he desires and the lack of free will in the TVA.

Unfortunately, what we got instead was 1 episode of Loki admitting he is a narcissist and has daddy issues, another where he comes out as bisexual before immediately falling for a female (and note, female instead of non binary which I find to be an odd choice) version of himself. The writers must think that this is such a good idea, he is such a narcissist the only person he can fall for is himself. Except, that doesn’t seem right to me, how quickly Loki’s character development shifts from admitting to being lonely and traumatised to falling incredibly quickly for himself. Even if this were the writer’s choice, it was poorly executed with so many ‘romance’ heavy scenes pushed in our faces (e.g Loki talking about ruling the universe together, giving Sylvie a blanket or the sexy eyes literally every moment he sees her) Why? It was not convincing at all that he fell for her mere hours after meeting her. Sylvie’s lukewarm reactions towards Loki makes this all the more unfounded. Even as an enemy to lovers trope this failed - where are the moments of real tension and the slow burn where they discover feelings for each other? My problem is that Sylvie and Loki are so much like each other that it isn’t the fertile land for this push and pull - in fact their differences (Sylvie wanting to destroy the TVA, Loki wanting ??) seems manufactured and unconvincing. What exactly draws them together?

Aside from this very lengthy point, what disappointed me further was how the focus on Sylvie and Loki as a couple very much derailed and distracted from the actual plot in the last 3 episodes. On that note, the pacing made absolutely no sense. As a 6 hour movie sure, but to reveal the main villain in the last episode (whom we have no emotional or character driven connection to) and to drop a bomb that this whole series was basically made to open the multiverse made me feel cheated. So this series WASN’T about Loki it was about advancing the plot. Sure, the loose ends, edgy concept is bold but narratively, Marvel is going to leave fans just wondering about all the other characters without any epilogue or even cut scene? Like the previous serieses, the finale was a total letdown.

Cinematographically, it looked like they just ran out of money - just Kang, Loki and Sylvie in a room talking for more than 30 minutes. How? So much exposition, it’s lazy writing in my opinion. They need to explain sure, but NOT in the final episode. I mean literally telling us about Kang’s experience of the multiverse war is an example of Telling not Showing, it adds no stakes to the plot. So, I’m supposed to listen to this guy talk and just automatically understand why he created the TVA? Especially coming from such an amazing episode with all the Lokis meeting each other and creating such an interesting world we have this?? No, absolutely not. Sylvie kissing Loki in the last 10 minutes just to backstab him after setting up that Loki was so in love with her the past 3 episodes? Absolutely not. Overall, my main issue is not so much that Sylvie and Loki start to ‘fall’ for each other, but rather, how quickly all character motivations and objectives become linked to this romance.

Instead, I would argue that Loki as a character has not been fully and adequately developed as a character to be involved in ANY romantic relationship and I wonder why they included it. The whole story would have worked without the romantic undertones. Loki himself hasn’t grown enough as an individual to warrant whatever they put him through in this series. It just puzzles me that they chose to add romance at all. Not only was the Loki character unsatisfactorily developed at the end of the series, the other characters such as renslayer, mobius and even b-15 all lack adequate character growth. What happens after the ending? Why would you leave fans just waiting for more than a year to come back to this world. It really feels like they threw us in the water to drown. I am most disappointed in renslayer - WHY is she so compliant to the TVA? Why does she do what she does? What is her internal drive and motivation? Mobius is slightly more developed but it seemed like they just threw the TVA characters away in the last episode.

Finally, I think that the writers did Sylvie dirty. I do not understand why she was written this way - if you think about it no growth was achieved except that she killed kang and the multiverse. My problem with this is that it seems that her main purpose was plot - she is simply there to be romanced so she can betray loki and wreak havoc into the world. We needed to see more of her. You compare classic loki, he didn't have much screen time but narratively I understood, he has reached the end of his life and the touch of him finding his glorious purpose was so simple yet effective. With such a beautiful end for old Loki, it is so sad that our Loki once again ends up alone, yet again.

Overall, I feel disappointed in the series because

1. Loki didn’t grow as a character, what we know about him now seems added in so that disney looks more LGBT+ friendly

2. The dominance of Sylvie and Loki subplot which became a main plot and added nothing to the story

3. Horrible pacing

4. Inadequate development of characters

There are many things I loved about this series too such as the introduction of Loki variants (hella cool), the concept and design of the TVA and also multiverses! However, as a series titled ‘Loki’, it left much to be desired. Who and why Loki does what he does still doesn't make sense to me. Worse yet, the only lesson he learnt through this series is that no matter who gets close to him, Loki will still end up alone.

#loki #loki series #im really sad and had to word vomit #loki spoilers #lokius obviously reigns supreme #marvel why

17 notes · View notes

gryfon-spanish-werewolf · 4 years

Note

Uuh dunno if you would like this prompt : Anna and Elsa as a mythical creatures.

Would love too see what you will write them as ^^

@like-redhead-probably I sat thinking about this ask for a long time, because while I IMMEDIATELY thought of one for Elsa, Anna’s absolutely eluded me. And I know you were probably looking for a story, but I am unable to stop myself from first EXPLAINING my choices xD

I was already thinking about the myth of the Hulder (or huldra if we’re speaking of the creature in general instead of the specific Norwegian myth) for other story-related reasons, and as I did more research, I felt like the Hulder REALLY shared similarities with Elsa.

Generally speaking the huldra is a Scandinavian myth of a pale skinned, blonde or brown haired, attractive young woman who lives in the wilderness, often luring men away with song or dance to be killed or misled, stuck wandering forever. Sometimes she’s connected strongly to water, and instead of making men lost, she drowns them. Sometimes she is described as similar to an elf or fey-like creature, with characteristics related to other Huldufolk (we’ll get to them later) such as living in a parallel world, or a world Underground, and therefore preferring caves or appearing and disappearing suddenly. Sometimes she is depicted as having a hollow back, or a cow’s tail, which she hides out of embarrassment or to conceal her true identity. Which… how cute is that?

Before the 11th century, the myths were focussed more around the Huldufolk, which literally means “Hidden Folk”. There are lots of stories as to why and how the Huldufolk came to exist, but for the purpose of Elsa I think it most appropriate to look at the Christianization of the myths. Why?:

Frozen and Frozen 2 are modern movies made by an American company and Christianity is nigh untanglable with American culture, they take place in ~1840s Norway, F1 has a dedicated place of Christian congregation depicted in said movie, an official royal crowning overseen by a Christian faith leader, and the adaptation of Frozen generally comes from author Hans Christian Anderson and therefore should take his life and society into account, etc.

The Christianized myth says that one day Eve was washing her children (presumably after Cain, Abel, and Seth) in the river, when she heard God approaching. Ashamed that He would see her kids unclean, she hid the half she wasn’t done bathing, and when God asked, “Where are the other children?” Eve claimed that she had all of them present, indicating the clean ones. This gave God pause, but in the end He said, “Then let all that is Hidden, remain Hidden.” The children that Eve lied about became the Huldufolk, unable to live among humans. These people would eventually become characterized as dwarves, elves, fairies, etc., as time and interpretations rolled on, the huldra being just one of many mythical “species”.

So. Who is Elsa? She’s a:

fictional, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, fair-skinned young woman who led thousands of men wlw to wander helplessly into the dark caves and wildlands of social media with a power ballad and a jaw-dropping transformation sequence

Okay I’m joking… mostly…

In fact my interest in choosing the Hulder for Elsa lies purely outside of any romantic or sexual appeal, especially since Elsa as a character exhibits next to 0 romantic or sexual interest across two whole movies and an additional two shorts. Indeed, there’s a reason people headcanon her as either asexual, aromantic, or both! No, the reasons I chose the Hulder are:

Elsa’s name

Her upbringing

Her duty as queen, and

Her general behavior, specifically in regards to Frozen 1, as Frozen 2 Elsa is, at times, an almost completely different character

Elsa’s name was chosen very specifically by the filmmakers because it means “God is my Oath”. Oaths are binding, heavy, and invoke the maker’s or subject’s actions and personhood in the future. In Elsa’s case specifically, it invokes divine witness: perfect for a queen, someone born to rule. A promise to be fair, to uphold, to protect, to lead, to be a dignified and honorable face for the country. And Elsa was so ready to be that… except for the powers of course. Or at least, when they became something other than a magical gift of wonder and joy. When they became dangerous. Then there comes another oath, spoken to powerful creatures of magic, the Trolls, and born from parental fear: “She can learn to control it.”

Binding, heavy, invoking of Elsa’s future. As she grows, Elsa becomes closed off, quiet, hiding in her own home. She still takes her duties seriously, but now that she has been Other’d, taught to hide herself and her curse, she is just as much shadow as person. To young Anna, Elsa must have been almost ghostlike, disappearing right when Anna thought she’d cornered her, only to reappear sometime later down the hall, out of arm’s reach.

God promised Adam and Eve that their children would inherit the earth, even after leaving the Garden of Eden. Then suddenly that changed, due to Eve’s fear and shame of her unwashed children, and some would now inherit Underground, or somewhere else entirely. The lost children of Eve had become Other’d, needing to hide, disappear, and resort to inhuman tactics just to exist. Maybe they’re jealous, maybe they're just tricksters. But it’s not their fault. And it wasn’t Elsa’s either. Another reason they are similar.

Now, it’s not all doom and gloom for the Hulder, or for Elsa. While the Hulder is generally known for her more chaotic and negative attributes - just like our favorite snow queen, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. There are a few myths that say burning a charcoal fire -instead of a coal or gas one- is most pleasing to the Hulder, that she’ll even watch over it during the night, and wake the sleepers in case something happens. If a traveler leaves supplies behind with a note or offering for the Hulder, they will travel safely. In fact, some people leave caches for her, as though to cater to specific requests. Coming across the Hulder by chance can have a multitude of outcomes, but if an astute observer spots her cow tail and mentions it, she may become shy and run away. Don’t mention the empty back though, that’s almost certain death.

Basically my point is… trade out the word “traveler” for the name “Anna” and we can draw all the similarities we want. Anna did all of those things, in a way. Anna gave Elsa a little gift of their favorite snowman every Christmas. Anna knocked on Elsa’s door and spoke to her, treated her kindly despite the distance between them, literal and metaphorical. It’s not hard to imagine that Anna left little notes around the castle, hoping Elsa would find them, read them, and know that Anna still loved her, still missed her. And, well, hopefully Anna wasn’t setting any fires and falling asleep next to them - but Anna always kept a light on for Elsa, in her heart. And it flickered and wavered sometimes, but it was a strong fire most days. And we know Elsa was always drawn to it, drawn to Anna because she loved her right back. Loved her first, even. And because it was a warmth that pleased Elsa, she tended it, quietly, carefully, warmly. Like putting a blanket over an Anna that had fallen asleep in the painting room, refusing that slice of chocolate cake so Anna could have two desserts, and listening, for hours and hours, days and days, for the sound of Anna’s glorious bonfire-like soul outside her bedroom door. Even when her secret was revealed, Elsa believed that the best way to protect Anna’s life, her flame, was to distance herself, running to a secret, special place all her own - much like the Hulder might run away back to the Underground.

And this last part’s just me, but I’d like to think that if the Hulder was treated kindly, respected, and given dignity, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if someone came across her accidentally. That instead of being instantly drowned, or the Hulder becoming sheepish and attempting to run, it would feel recognized. It could be called by name. And instead of feeling the need to hide it’s Otherness, it could be treated as part of it, and cared for just the same. I don’t even need to be subtle here: Anna called Elsa by Name, really saw her, and reframed her darkness into light. Anna hasn’t fought God yet, but she did walk through hell and back for a sister that everyone else saw as a threat, monster, and sorcerer. A category 9 Other. Too bad for them, Anna’s got a Category 10 heart.

Speaking of. We finally got to Anna.

Anna was difficult to pin down because to me, Anna is so very, very human. That’s what makes her special! Yes, yes, you could throw any mythical creature at Anna and the fun part would be trying to make it work within her personality and characterization BUT since the question was Anna AS a mythical creature, that changes the game! The word ‘creature’ itself tends to conjure something distinctly INhuman. So I…. tried, and cheated maybe a little. Because I picked for Anna the Norse Valkyrie.

Most people know what Valkyries are so this one takes significantly less explaining. Valkyries are women that are warriors, shieldmaidens, and the hands of Odin, and they choose who lives and who dies during battle. Their chosen dead ride with them to Valhalla, while those they choose to live are usually granted honors in life. There are the darker sides of Valkyries that paint them as blood hungry maidens waiting on the sidelines before a war, singing the names of who will die with glee… but generally speaking the version of Valkyries that most people know and admire today are accurate! And thank goodness because attempting to depict Anna the other way would probably give me an ulcer.

Anna, much like the Valkyries, is a woman of valor and strength, who is perceptive, guides others, sees into people’s hearts and reveals their goodness. Valkyries are also warriors of prowess themselves, and Anna in Frozen 2 with that ice sword? We all know she was ready to use that for real. She also exemplifies traits that Valkyries both look for and have! Bravery in the face of danger: hello Marshmallow, Elsa’s own blizzard, Hans’ lethal sword strike, LIVING MOUNTAINS, and a damn collapsing.... dam. She also defends those who cannot do it themselves: saying publicly that, “My sister is not a monster… she was scared, she didn’t mean any of this,” even if that cast suspicion or doubt on herself, and the crown, as a whole. Anna knew and believed in Elsa, despite all the years and heartbreak and anger. Despite the impossible magic that literally just happened before her very eyes. Belief in character, despite appearances. And once they were reunited, Anna made every effort to stay by Elsa’s side because she STILL had that faith in her. Anna’s name means “Grace” or “of Grace”, and damn if she didn’t extend that to the person others found most unworthy, even to Elsa herself. Valkyries see what others don’t, and their decisions are final.

[Deep breath] SO! You asked for Anna and Elsa as mythical creatures. You got… a small academic paper, by social media standards xD. I intend to write a little piece about a Valkyrie who encounters the Hulder on the edges of a battlefield and… realizes she never made a choice about this particular woman. And wonders why she can’t ;). BUT I didn’t wanna leave you hanging any longer. Hope you like my choices!

Oh also, nobody asked, but Kristoff is a werebear. No research required

#there's almost 2k words to this uhhh..... eyup that's all I have to say about that #the inner academic kinda popped out #begging to be utilized after a few dusty years xD #I have links to all this stuff btw if people want them #but now I should REALLY go to bed #or I'll be slowly flame-broiled by a certain someone who is about to find out I'm awake in the worst way possible #like-redhead-probably #mythical creature au #Hulder!Elsa #Valkyrie!Anna #mythology #also yes I know I didn't stray far from Scandinavian territories for the mythical choices I couldn't help it #once I got digging into the huldra I had a hard time looking anywhere else #still I think Valkyrie fits so nicely for anna #she might as well be on irl tbh #Elsa #Anna #my writing #and yeah I'll get to a little short story bc they're so CUTE like this!!

47 notes · View notes

denotday · 3 years

Text

My headcannon for Loki

Author's note: I dislike that plotline of Loki being in love with Sylvie. I'd greatly prefer for Loki to have a friendship blossom with Sylvie which then opens him up to a casual relationship with one or two people. In the end, I think that this relationship will lead to Loki becoming father material. This is intended to be a romance, not a loki x reader fic.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter one:

"Oh that explains it. You were having romantic feelings for Sylvie. Of couse an event like such would trigger a Nexus-level event. How on brand! You falling in love with yourself, such a narcissist!"

Mobius was rude to say that. Loki may be a narcissist, but to insinuate that he had romantic feelings for Sylvie is a grave mistake. I mean, from Loki's point of view, he can understand how that female acquaintance could develope such lust for a person with his visage, but for Loki to reciprocate those sexual, human tendencies? That'd be absurd! Who does Mobius think Loki is? THOR? Psh, He could assure you himself that he's NOTHING like that human-dwelling, beard-stubbled hero who lusts for those of the likes of that Jane person. There'd be no honor in slumming it with Sylvie in a romantic way, anyway.

"Sylvie, this is pretty new to me, but I have to tell you that I-----"

Have feelings for you? Want to bear your children (however that would work)? Desire to pursue a sexual fantasy with you involving you wearing hooves and authentic deer antlers? A weird fetish for Loki to have, yes, but the point still stands. Though Loki does have feelings for his Sylvie, none of those feelings are sexual. Anything but.

"......wonder if you'd consider me to a friend of yours." Right on the nose. How curious. A GOD to have feelings for one who is cruel and lacking in social skills? Never! But a friendship with a person who'd allow him to come out of his own shell and pursue a path of inner discovery? Yes. Dear reader, viewer, whoever the hell you are. As one who lives in the mind of THE God of Mischief (side note: MARVEL's God of Mischief), I can assure you that Loki doesn't care about anyone but himself.

"Mmmh HMM."

All right, Fine. What I meant to say was that Loki has high self esteem for himself and values all of his faculties. Adding sexual attraction to this mix would just complicate his inner mechanisms.

"They're right. This genderless voice in my head. I----actually don't know who you are. I should kill you for trespassing, shouldn't I?"

Hhhhhh. Moving on.....After Loki was pruned by the TVA, he later met up with Syvlie when she travelled to that realm by getting herself pruned.

But here is where stories diverge.

With Mobius travelling back to the TVA, Sylvie and Loki share a few friendly moments catching up with eachother. A promise was made by Sylvie to stick with Loki and allow him to accompany her on her mission to destroy the TVA; but at last minute, when faced with the doom of impending mortal death, there was a change of heart.

There were two sets of footsteps and two sets of feet scraping at dirt, until it all came to a halt. ".......Loki, errr, still weird. Wish you had a different name than me. I'm thinking....I value you as a friend, and if I'm correct, friends don't get their buddies killed. So....I don't want you to come with me"

Loki pauses.

A few thoughts cross his mind briefly, "how could a friend betray me" and "I should kill this conniving quim" come to mind but beneath these thoughts, beneath this outer shell, was a feeling of sadness. The thought "I'll always be lonely, never escaping the cycle of being pushed away."

In compassion along with understanding of Loki's quietness, Sylvie slowly shifts her body to look at Loki's profile. His face is clenched and the muscles of his jaw are made tight, tighter than they usually are. The happiness that was once smeared on his face---marked with a wide smile----was gone. Loki's happy eye wrinkles also had retreated back into the tautness of his soft face. Eyes that were so dark and piercing became focused.

Until those dark eyes started to cloud over with a wetness.

"Hey. I get it. I like you too."

Loki wouldn't turn to her.

"----But, I know where this ends for me and don't want the same ending for you."

His eyes shift to Sylvie's worried face.

" You've retreated within yourself for so long that you forgot how to love. For so long, you haven't had a friendship or a person to be vulnerable with."

A sniffle now.

"And I wanted you to know that there's more to the world for you. Lokis don't have to be 'failures' or secondary characters in the story of the 'true' hero. I want-----need----you to live for both of us. Find your destiny. Live a different life, face a more positive ending than your death at the hands of the titan. Find someone, anyone, to fall in love with. And more importantly, I want you to open yourself up. Allow yourself to feel worthy of friendship."

Syvlie reaches upward to lay her hands on Loki's shoulder. She turns him gently toward her.

"Because you are the best friend that I've never had in all of my years on asgard or anywhere. You are special Loki and you possess so much personality, so much magical potential....."

Loki waits.

".....Despite being a jerk who doesn't deserve it"

The left corner of Loki's mouth picks up in a smirk. A small chuckle rises from his chest.

"This is goodbye, Loki. It is my destiny to fight this monster, discovering the secrets of the TVA. THIS is my glorious purpose and I believe that you should receive another chance at finding yours."

Although awkward, Sylvie reaches around Loki's sides for a low hug. Loki is uncomfortable with this, but in an effort to make the moment nicer, he strokes Sylvie's hair for a few minutes, even when she starts tearing up and heaving tear-ridden gasps into his chest.

"....This is a setback, I feel, Sylvie. But I understand your decision. You were the only real friend that I've had in a while." And with that, Loki steps away from her and starts to walk away in the opposite direction.

"Wait"

Loki stops.

"I still want to do one last thing for you, before I go. Here's this temppad. I want to give you a choice. You may go back to your own timeline and reset things, if you feel like these new feelings...new emotions....are too much for you. Resetting the timeline will wipe your memory of me....of our time together. Alternatively, you can choose to go back and make a different destiny for yourself. One that involves you pursuing the path of purpose and determination. Maybe you'll be your own hero for the first time. I have faith that you'll make the right decision."

Taking the temppad, Loki rushes toward Sylvie with a hug and a quick "thank you my friend."

Syvlie runs toward the belly of the beast in true Loki fashion and as she looks back, she gives Loki a salute while mouthing "glorious purpose".

Alone and in the literal dark, Loki looks down at the hands which grasp the temppad. He thinks about his impending decision; "Do I choose a destiny where I give in to mischief....ultimately leading to my demise, or shall I choose to be the person that Sylvie wanted me to be, the kind person who has a positive destiny...a good ending for once. A destiny where I don't have to be the villain anymore???"

After making his decision, Loki releases a big sigh and steps into the orange door of the temppad back into his timeline.

He's back. The tessaract slides on the floor, landing at Loki's feet. Here, he makes the choice.....the choice that settles what his "glorious purpose" will be. Amidst all of the hysteria that the hulk had created, hysteria of Avenger's Stark having a heart attack, Loki conjures a copy of the tesseract's briefcase and using his palms and fingers, reaches down to put the tessaract within the case, using magic to place it back near Avenger's Tony Stark.

Emotions take a halt as the hulk is calmed back into Bruce Banner and the Hydra agents allow Stark to recover from the brief heart attack.

Thor approaches his brother, amazed that Loki's just standing to the side, simply watching everything happening.

"What, did you think that I'd make some daring escape, brother? I thought you knew me better than that!"

There's a shine in Thor's eyes that turns into skepticism quickly; why did my brother not escape? What's his motive?

"Let's go back to Asgard, Loki"

And Loki's destiny changes for the better.

#submission #comic #humor #humour #comedy #love #fanfic #fanfiction #headcannon #loki #marvel #thor #norsemyth #Norse mythology #tomh #tom hiddelson #fantasy #fiction

4 notes · View notes

orbitariums · 4 years

Text

IDORU | Loki Laufeyson

requested by an anon: can you please write a fic about reader and loki where the reader had always liked loki and helps him in every way but it only takes the reader to be away from him to realize how big of a part she was in his life? thank you so much in advance ❤️

this is set wherein loki is king! just for the purpose of this piece. v angsty and over-dramatic, a lil long with lots of description btw.

i made a mini playlist for this fic :')

keep requesting!!

IDORU | LOKI LAUFEYSON

The skies of Asgard shone kaleidoscopic colors on the day of your departure, Loki's way of showing appreciation for your eternal service. You felt like a bride as you marched slowly through the halls on the way to the throne, noting Loki's guards standing at either side of you. You lifted your somber head to see him sitting high and mighty. He was still, observing you, as if he were analyzing your every feature to keep as a relic in his memory. He appeared almost hopeful, eyes anticipatory as if he were waiting for you to announce a change of plans in your direction. He knew better, yet this was one of those rare times when he let his emotions come up to the surface. Those cold glares and void eyes were almost always shifted around you, when instead his lips sang songs of smiles and his eyes beamed with joy. Around you, Loki was truly a king.

But you had earthly matters to deal with. A family you belonged to back on earth, who were now in need of your help. Like Loki, you too had been abandoned at birth, the product of an immortal god and a mere mortal woman, who took care of you on earth until you discovered your otherworldliness. But, shunned from the kingdom on the planet your father originated from, you were accepted into Asgard. Since you and Loki were teenagers, you had lived on Asgard, learning the ways of its people and the joys of its culture and traditions. You had been reborn as an Asgardian, and you had been the sole coordinator in that process.

You had to learn to be a mother to yourself from then on, never truly knowing the meaning of family. You had families scattered all about different planets. Yet, you had learned to accept Loki as your most stable form of family. Though you were from different worlds, you related in your powers as nonhumans, and your dysfunctional family originations. You understood each other, for all your innocence, fluttering by his side like a purple butterfly, and his chaotic mischief, running ahead of you just to suddenly reappear at your side again. Your lord, and his queen.

Of all the goodbyes on this planet, you had left Loki's for last, pushing what a "goodbye" really consisted of to the back of your brain. All your other farewells had been full, celebratory and drunk with the elixir of the gods. None of them held the same melancholy that you knew Loki's would. You weren't fearful of it, but you were hesitant. To say goodbye to Loki would be to say goodbye to the only family you truly knew. Your family back on earth, though you loved them as you would love your own biological mother, were not the same.

Your brothers and sisters did not share immortality with you, didn't know the feeling of heaven and angels surging through their veins. You could never relate to them, not in the formative years of your life as a child and preteen. Loki practically raised you up from the depths of normalcy. You were willing to help your family now, in their time of need. You just didn't want to go back to the days you felt isolated and scrambled, with no real home.

Asgard was your real home. Loki was your real home.

Loki stood up from his seat on the throne and clasped his hands together in front of him as you walked up the cold, golden stairs, feeling the glow of Asgard surge through your feet. This ground was unlike any other, every step felt like the roots of Asgard were connected to you, starting from your feet and budding at the crown of your head. The concrete jungle of New York, where you would relocate, would be nothing like the glorious floors of Asgard. You swallowed hard as you came to this realization. Everything about this place was distinct, overflowing with magic.

"YN," he spoke your name softly, his eyes locked on yours.

You began to bow your head, lowering down into a curtsy. As close as you were, he was still your king. Then again, he always had been. It was just a matter of giving him access to the throne.

"My Lord," you said, lowering your head as you bowed. But you were interrupted, feeling Loki's hands on your shoulders, bringing you back up to his level.

And without even being given time to process this, you felt him pull you into a hug. These public displays of affection were rare even from Loki, who was the sole person closest to you on this planet. You gasped softly, quietly, but easily found your body relaxing into the hug. He felt unnaturally warm, being close to you brought out the rare warmth inside of him, quite contradictory for where he came from. But you brought out something in him that was stronger than good versus evil. And you stayed this way for a while, Loki hanging his head down in the crook of your shoulder, closing his eyes and blinking solemnly. Though he had been dwelling on the matter of your departure ever since you told him, now it was incredibly real and inevitable. All his feelings were coming to the forefront, and he felt that by being close to you, it would lift the weight. This was the touch of two people in love.

He pulled away, coming to his senses. His eyes though, were heavier than usual, and you could see the weight of your decision finally settling in Loki. After a beat, he smiled, still holding strong eye contact with you.

"Years together, and this is how you leave me. At the very beginning of my reign," he said finally, the amusement clear in his tone.

You laughed quietly, shaking your head. You and Loki shared a very particular sense of humor,

"You've always reigned in my eyes."

"I know," his smile turned upward into a mischievous smirk. "So tell me, what is it that mortals say when they leave?"

The word pierced through your heart: "leave." Because to leave could mean so many things - you could leave the room and come back, and similarly, you could leave Asgard and come back. It was just a matter of when, and you weren't sure when. But you knew it'd be a long time. You and Loki knew time was unreal, like any other human-made construct. But here it became much stronger than a construct, because it meant time apart, with no communication.

"See you," you said, answering his question, your voice coming out in a low whisper. Because "see you" was objective- it meant you would see him again, but you didn't even know when that would be. You knew it wouldn't be anytime soon.

The boyish smile on Loki's face slowly disappeared, and turned into a saddened grimace. He knew from your tone of voice that you were unsure and saddened by the uncertainty of your leaving. Loki felt the same kind of love for you as you did for him. You were a major part of his life, always by his side and there for him, just as he was there for you. Memories of his life, you by his side, flashed through his mind - memories of you and him being mindless Asgardian teenagers who wreaked havoc in the name of mischief, blossoming into Asgardian adults who wreaked havoc in the name of justice. Now the very face he cherished and loved was going away, neither of you knew for how long. And so it was with a somber hand on your shoulder that he said goodbye, through pursed lips, his eyes deep and melancholy.

"Goodbye."

The descent to Midgard was long and the thoughts of travel made your chest twinge with pain. You were coming back to a home that was never really a home to you. You'd known too many homes to know what home was, other than Asgard. Banished from your planet of birth, misunderstood on the planet earth where your family was rooted, and finally accepted on Asgard, home was a tricky subject. The return to earth was dismal and hopeless. Your heart sunk as soon as your feet hit the concrete ground, a cold and hard ground so different from the golden floors of Asgard, that your feet so easily bounced off of. Your Asgardian clothes seemed to weigh down on you. You were so heavy you fell through the earth.

Life back in New York City where your family lived was fast paced and sleepless. At least, the life around you. But for you, every day was a sad day. When you weren't helping your family, healing your sick mother, you were looking out of the window at passing cars, your chin rested on your crossed arms on the window sill, wondering how people - humans, wandered around aimlessly like they did. Zombie-like, with no rage and no war inside of them, with hearts full of deceit disguised as plain mischief. You felt heavy and dark, dragging yourself around with every step you took, so different from the godly footsteps of Laufeyson.

Every night you dreamed of Asgard, thought of it deeply, holding onto memories as if they would disappear if you didn't hold on to them. Like they were little wisps and not the strong building blocks of your character. You dreamed of Loki, convinced yourself that with his sorcerer abilities he appeared every night in your dreams, kept this faux reality in your head as something to comfort you. But every night, Loki became much more distant in your dreams, literally standing further away from you and slowly disappearing. It was like your mind was telling you how much you had been in Loki's life before your departure.

And you had always been his helping hand, his muse, as he had been yours. The realization of how big a part you were in his life brought you both joy and deep sadness. Joy because you prided yourself on your loyalty and the strength of your friendship, which sometimes veered into something more than friendship, but had its roots in platonic love; and deep sadness because it reminded you how you could no longer actively be that big part of Loki's life, how you were away from him. You couldn't help but dwell on it, spacing out as you did chores around the house, unable to focus in your conversations with others, even dreaming of it.

Years passed. Ten years, to be exact. And over those ten years, your mother had gotten better, your family grew stronger. You hadn't seen Loki or been to Asgard since. He had a kingdom to rule and you had a family to tend to. You had gotten better since, but you hadn't forgotten. You had adapted to human lifestyle but never fully - living back on earth was like wearing a pair of shoes that didn't quite fit, but they were the only pair you had. You still thought of your kingdom and your king, but didn't let it drag you down. If anything, you lived your life on neutral mode - never happy, never sad. But subconsciously, this might have been worse than having more emotional range. You had kind of submitted.

But today, you were going back. And you didn't even know it - not until Thor literally showed up on your doorstep. Middle of the night, in a thunderstorm - how fitting.

You thought your eyes were deceiving you, playing tricks on you, until you realized it really was him you were seeing. You blinked rapidly, your brows knitted together, and Thor just stood in front of you, serious as ever.

"Hello, YN," he greeted you, and stepped into your house. Your family was all still asleep. He looked giant in comparison to the things around him.

"Odinson? What... what are you doing here?"

"It's my brother. He's in deep trouble."

"Loki?" you choked out, swallowing hard. Years had gone by now, and you still trembled at his name.

"Yes."

"What- what's the matter?" you started pacing back and forth, thinking of every wrong thing that could've possibly happened to him.

"He's in love, YN," Thor said solemnly, and you stopped pacing, taken aback by Thor's words.

Loki... in love? With who? And why? And why not you?

"What?" you barked out, and Thor placed his hands on your shoulders.

"With you."

Suddenly, all the color rushed out of your face. You had realized that your feelings for Loki were always strong, and that you had love for him. But neither of you had actually considered the romance aspect of this. To actually be in love was hidden ground. To hear Thor say those words, to bring Loki back to you in such a dramatic fashion, made you feel so many things. A burst of joy, confusion, a mix of pixelated feelings. Mostly butterflies, in your stomach. The king didn't know what a girlish effect he had on you.

But it had been ten years. What brought him to this conclusion so long after your departure?

"What... what do you mean?"

"I mean. The entire kingdom has been urging Loki to find a queen since he reigned. And, as you know, he was never able to. But he didn't know why back then. And now, he's realized it's because it was always you. Because he couldn't picture anyone being his queen other than you, because he loves you."

You shook your face, your hair falling to your forehead, rubbing your temples. This was a big revelation. You were glad to hear such a thing, to be able to mutually feel for Loki the way you had always been without realizing it. But it was troublesome at the same time.

"I- so you mean to tell me... that Loki is in love with me? And he has been... all these years? And it took him ten years of me being gone for him to finally realize it?"

"YN. You and I both know Loki doesn't know how to express his feelings, let alone feel them. And being away from you did a number on him, you should see the way he acts without you. More miserable than before."

"It's just all so... messy. Why couldn't he come and tell me himself?"

"Because he's traditional. He's waiting for you."

You blinked slowly, understanding what this meant. He was waiting for you on Asgard.

"And he expects me to just pack up my things and come see him?" you snarled, that stubborness of yours coming back again. You loved Loki of course, it was just your brain's mechanisms to be so self righteous.

"Essentially, yes. Will you come back to Asgard, YN?"

"I have family here now, Odinson," you folded your arms across your chest, looking doubtfully at the ground. "I can't just leave."

"At least come to see him. A day or two. It's been a decade. You can afford a visit."

| | |

Your return to Asgard was just as glorious, if not more glorious than the day you arrived there. You seemed to be hit with that burst of energy and joy, the glow returning to your body, years of age and weariness falling off of your face. Again you felt young, and joyous. You were home. You were an Asgardian.

You stood with Thor, outside the palace where Loki resided, staring ahead of you. Suddenly, you were hit with nerves. You hadn't seen Loki since you left. Something about seeing him again after being surrounded by such ungodliness made you feel below him. You feared you wouldn't be what he was expecting, because of how long it had been. You were afraid what seeing him again might mean to you.

You walked towards his throne, like you had the day you said your goodbyes, and saw his back facing you in front of the throne. He turned slowly, wanting to take his time to see you. And you realized, with a wave of relief, that nothing had changed since those days. That seeing him made you feel reinvigorated, as though you were both teenagers again, running through the streets of Asgard. And as Loki took in your face, that face he realized he wouldn't see for a very long time on the day you left, every feature on his own face was drawn to a smile. You stood in front of him, dressed in traditional Asgardian dress, in your own skin again. And Loki didn't feel as though you were a hint beneath him.

"Tell me," were Loki's first words. "What do mortals say when they see each other again?"

"I want to hear it from you first. Not your older brother," you quipped, grinning mischievously, and Loki's dark brow quirked up as he smiled at you.

"What?" he bit down on his lip, failing to hide his amusement. "You want me to say that I love you?"

You smirked, and tilted your head slightly. It was reassuring to you that once again you were the only one who could bring out this side of Loki, warm up his cold heart so that he could interact on a fuller and brighter spectrum.

"Essentially," you shrugged, and Loki smiled, his own eyes gazing into yours, which still shone beautifully but bore the troubles of someone who'd suffered too long - suffer no more, that was Loki's decision for you.

"Do they actually say that?"

You nodded vigorously, and he shook his head playfully, shrugging as if resigned,

"Fine." He took a long pause. "I love you."

"I love you. I adore you," you pressed your lips to his - you didn't want to wait.

Ten years was long enough. And as your lips touched each others, you made a secret promise - you wouldn't have to say goodbye ever again.

#marvel #marvel imagine #loki #loki laufeyson #loki x reader #reader insert #loki imagine #thor #asgard #king of asgard #idoru #orbitariums #marvel imagines

135 notes · View notes

bbrandy2002 · 4 years

Text

My Love

Chapter 5: No Air

Series Premise: With a six week old daughter, Liam finds himself suddenly widowed. When the Royal Council demands he find a new queen and endure another social season, he gets a little help from someone unexpected–his late wife.

Pairing: Liam x Riley

Warnings: Implied thoughts of suicide.

—————-

Liam stirred mashed potatoes around his plate; making careless trails of tine grooves that ran across his plate into his roast lamb and asparagus. He could hear Drake speaking to him about a new development on the boardwalk–but wasn’t really listening. While he nodded and gave a half hearted smile so that his friend didn’t think he was rude, Liam lifts his glass of scotch, taking two quick sips, wishing to hell it would finally numb his tortured mind and take him away for a few hours. Normally, the drink would leave him refreshed and relaxed, perhaps even incapacitated, yet he hadn’t felt its much desired effects since that night. The night he worked late while his wife tantalized him with texts of want and desire for him. The night he kissed every inch of her velvety, smooth skin and their bodies intertwined with unspeakable passion and devotion to one another. The night death stealthily entered into his bedroom, robbed him mercilessly of every truth he ever believed in and left behind nothing but bitter lies. It was the night Liam watched his purpose and meaning drift away into nothing.

There is no perfect way to explain how it feels to lose someone. Liam dreaded being asked several times each day by friends and staff, how he was doing. How am I doing?

He pondered that If all the great minds in the world can’t explain what love is, how does one properly define a loss.

How do you tell people your heart was literally ripped out of your chest without rhyme or reason, leaving a void so painful that life was no longer something you desired. How do you answer that truthfully and not leave them feeling monsterous for asking. It’s a mindless question really, because in all honesty they want a false answer. He was fine.

It had been exactly four weeks since Riley died. Four agonizing weeks of loneliness and sorrow- the kind a person will never fully heal from. Liam’s face had grown paler and his eyes were sunken from lack of sleep and appetite. His tall, muscular frame was just starting to show evidence of wasting away and if one didn’t know better, might say he was ten years older than he actually was. He had grown irritable, withdrawn, and found no pleasure in things he typically enjoyed. If not for Ellie, who was quite possibly the only thing keeping him somewhat together now, he seriously contemplated the merits of pursuing the ultimate Shakespearean ending.

As he prodded the asparagus and slid it back off his fork, he tried to imagine what Riley was doing at this exact moment. Liam believed in an afterlife; he wasn’t sure exactly what it entailed, but imagined a place where his wife was surrounded by beauty and color his mortal eyes couldn’t begin to imagine. Was she dancing carelessly through a field of her favorite lilies while her laughter carried a melody so sweet and magnificent, the angels were envious? He knew she didn’t have any close family, but perhaps his mother was keeping her company while they exchange funny stories of Liam’s mishaps and clownery. Does she even remember me?

No matter how glorious or wonderful her time might be there, one fact remained: there was a chasm that separates him from the greatest love he’s ever known. Until he would be able to break through that barrier himself, he would never feel whole again. Riley was his life and without her, he surmised, he no longer existed.

As he stared at the disarray of intermingled food on his plate, Ellie’s soft cry ripped him from his thoughts. Before he could lift the cloth napkin from his lap to attend to his daughter, Drake was already up from his chair across from Liam, unhooking the baby from her glider and bouncing her on his chest. This wasn’t anything surprising; if it hadn’t been Drake, it would have been Hana or Maxwell. Liam wasn’t sure if they realized he had caught on to their patterns of, ‘just dropping by’, visits, while attending to his every need and want. Even if he wanted to be left alone, which in large part he did, those three friends most likely used the opportunity to heal themselves of the heavy hearts they were feeling too.

Drake, the ever proud godfather, handed the little girl to her daddy and grabbed an already prepared bottle from the refrigerator to heat up.

“So, what do you think Neville’s plans are for this emergency council meeting tomorrow?” Drake asked, while he placed the bottle into the warmer and leaned back into the counter waiting for it to finish.

Liam let out a heavy sigh. “You know Lord Neville as well as I do-” He bent over to pick up the rattle Ellie dropped on the floor and placed it back inside her tiny little hand. “I’m sure whatever it is he wants will likely end with me trying to pamper his spoiled ass and you wanting to kick it.”

Drake knit his brows with a chuckle. “Heh. I do find kicking that nutsack’s ass to be one of my favorite pastimes. Right after drinking my weight in whiskey, moping around the palace on your dime and pounding the hell out of myself to a picture of Madeleine.”

Liam’s face twisted as he stopped rocking Ellie for a moment to let Drake’s words sink in. Did he really just say that about himself? The more time he had to think about them, the funnier it became to him.

“Drake-” He chortled with amusement. “Where the hell did that come from?”

Drake smirked and started to respond when the warmer beeped, letting him know it was ready. He grabbed the bottle, checking the temperature on his wrist and handed it over to Liam. “That’s usually the kind of ‘Drake Walker’ jokes,” he emphasized with air quotes, “Liv tells that makes the group laugh … thought you could use one. Looks like it worked too, since that’s the first time you’ve laughed or even smiled since …”

With that unfinished quip, an awkward silence began. Drake rubbed the back of his neck, feeling terrible for bringing up Riley’s death. Even if he didn’t actually utter those words, the smile that instantly faded from Liam’s face before he turned away from him, told Drake all he needed to know.

Later that evening, after Drake left, Liam gave Ellie her bath and put her down for the night. With the baby monitor in hand, he stepped out onto the living room balcony-just as he had done every night for the past four weeks- to talk with his beloved. With a full, spring moon overhead, he could see her place of rest clearly and mused how the mound of dirt before her newly placed headstone was beginning to flatten out. Liam leaned against the railing, as he did every night and told her how much he loved her and missed her. He spoke about his day with Ellie and how it must have been Drake’s turn to spend time with them.

Liam placed both elbows on the cool, concrete railing, clasped his hands together and rested his forehead on them. “My Love, I want to be where you are.” He lifted his head from his hands and glanced upwards toward the stars. “I’ve thought about it a million times since you left. All it would take is one pill and then you and I can reunite … be together forever.”

Liam dropped his hands over the railing and rubbed the tips of his fingers along the roughened grooves of concrete. The scent of lavender from Ellie’s shampoo still clung to his hands and traveled with the breeze. He let out a heavy breath. “I’m stuck between two great loves though. You’re there and Eliie and I are here and I can’t leave her … I’m just … really missing my other girl tonight.”

In the silence, Liam turned when he heard the calling out of his name from the living room. He rubbed the dust off his hands and elbows and made his way back inside to find Ellie’s nanny coming in for the night. It was the first time she would be spending the night there. Liam would be returning to his full time duties in the morning and an early morning, emergency council meeting meant her services were needed more frequently now.

Rolling a suitcase through the foyer towards the stairs, she stops immediately to curtsy when she sees Liam.

“Your Majesty.”

He motioned with the monitor in his hand to the stairs. “Ellie’s been asleep for 20 minutes. I would imagine she will be out for another few hours and the staff prepared your accommodations earlier. Is there anything you need before I retire for the night”

She rolled her suitcase back and forth as she thought for a moment. “I don’t think so. I have everything I need right here,” she patted her suitcase with a playful smile.

Liam thanked the young, brunette and carried the luggage to her room at the top of the stairs. Once the door was shut, he drifted slowly to his bedroom. He had been in there several times, however, this was the first night he would sleep in the bed he’d shared with his wife. Obviously, his hand was forced in that decision; he couldn’t remain in Ellie’s room with the nanny coming and going throughout the night. It was time to face his fears.

After he showered, Liam perused his closet for the suit he would wear in the morning. He wanted something loose, but also knew that Neville had something up his sleeves and wanted to ensure his look didn’t allow the slimy bastard to think he could best him. While contemplating his options between the blue tie and black tie with the suit jacket he chose, a peculiar thought crosses his mind.

Liam exits the closet after tossing the black tie over the hanging suit and leaves the bedroom. He walks back down the hall and stops in front of Amanda’s door and raises his hand to knock.

“Amanda! Open the door!”

He could hear faint scurrying inside and the closing of a dresser drawer.

“I said open the door, now!”

Amanda opened the door a few seconds later with a shocked, but puzzled expression. “Is there something wrong, Your Majesty.”

Liam gives her a questioning look. “How did you get in my quarters tonight?”

Flustered, she furrowed her brows. “What?”

He placed his hand on the barely opened door and pushed it in a little further. “How in the hell did you get in my quarters tonight.” He asks again while peeking over her shoulder suspiciously.

Amanda let go of the door and under the watchful of the King, walked to the desk drawer of the guest room, opened it and pulled out a key ring. She held it up in front of her and jiggled it nervously. “Queen Riley gave me the key. After she had the baby, it was easier for me to have one when she needed me to drop by and she was nursing. I … I didn’t think it would be an issue to use it again since I’m caring for Eleanor now.”

Liam dropped his head and rubbed his thumbs over his tired and puffy eyes. Without knowing who killed his wife, everyone and everything suddenly became suspicious to him. He was edgy with everyone and completely annoyed by the lack of of lead yet.

“My apologies for scaring you … I’m just … a little questioning of everyone. I don’t know who I can trust anymore.”

Amanda placed the key ring back in the drawer and walked back before Liam at the door. She placed her hand on his arm and slightly squeezed with an understanding nod.

“You have nothing to apologize for, sir. I want whoever took my dear friend away found also and if you need to question me to feel some reassurance, I completely understand.”

After he apologized once more for interrupting her nightly routine, he bid her goodnight and left her be. She turned the lock on her door and crossed the room into her own personal bathroom. As she stood before the large mirror that clung to the bathroom wall, she grabbed her toothbrush and looked at her reflection with a sinister smirk formed on her lips. She winked at herself in the mirror and gave herself a gleeful smile. “This is too easy and it’s only just begun. You haven’t seen anything yet … My King”

________

Liam glared at the bed he had not slept in since Riley passed away. His heart was pounding faster than he could ever recall; he had reached an anxiety level that was insurmountable. After several minutes of trying to control his breathing and his shaky hands, he finally pulled the duvet down and eased himself slowly onto the bed. Liam lowered himself down and tossed the blanket over himself and adjusted his head on the pillow.

After staring at the ceiling for several minutes, he knows he can’t do this. The bed felt so hollow and empty and was a constant reminder of her touch, her scent, her missing place on the other side of him.

Liam rose from the bed and walked to her vanity in the corner of the room and grabbed a bottle of her perfume. Standing over her pillow, he sprays a generous helping on it and places the bottle back on her night stand. Trying once more, he crawls back into the bed, grabs her pillow, and snuggles his body and face into it. It wasn’t the same-it would never be the same-but it was all he had. “Goodnight, My Love.”

Just as his body and mind began to feel some comfort, he heard the small cries of Ellie followed by an unmistakable voice come through the baby monitor, that shot his eyes open quickly.”

“Baby mine don’t you cry. Baby mine dry your eyes …”

Liam threw the blankets off his body and twisted around to snatch the monitor from the table beside his bed. He placed the device to his ear, not sure if what he heard was what he thought he did. He held his breath as the all too familiar voice carried through it and prayed it wasn’t a dream.

“It can’t … can it?”

Still carrying the monitor to his ear, he runs out of his room and across the hall to Ellie’s nursery. He stands before the door and braces himself for the possibilities that lie beyond it.

He carefully twists the door handle, still hearing the sniffles of his infant daughter and a song he hadn’t heard sung in a month.

His blue eyes widen with anticipation and he can feel the blood rush away from his eager mind as the door swung open.

He lets out a small gasp as the baby’s room becomes visible and immediately drops to his knees.

"Riley?”

#trh #king liam #choices the stories you play #trr #liam x mc #choices trr #trr fanfic #bbrandy2002

167 notes · View notes

lilacandladybugs · 3 years

Note

What’s your current relationship with god? I’m very curious lmao

I’m sorry if this sounds incomprehensible and rambly and disjointed or pretentious. I care a lot more about this than almost anything else in the world and I wish I could do a better job of explaining myself. But I feel like why I believe in God or what my relationship with him is like is like trying to explain who I am. And I’m just the accumulation of everything I’ve ever experienced or that I think and I feel like it’s really important that I communicate it correctly so here is my attempt.

Here’s a video that’s really good that I think will give some good background information. If you don’t want to read all of this, the video is probably enough to explain.

youtube

TLDR: This isn’t the way things are supposed to be. Death isn’t supposed to happen, it isn’t a part of the natural order of things. God loved us so much he died to fix it, and rose again to defeat death. God loves me and I love him, and I’ve never found peace or fulfillment like that in anything else.

I hope this makes sense anon let me know if you have any questions or if I misinterpreted your question.

TW suicide // grief // abuse // rape mention (not v bad or graphic or anything)

Long version:

I think I've always thought that there's something naturally (for lack of a better word) poetic about existing. Not really meaning that it's good, but kind of that everything feels really purposeful it seems to flow together like an old epic. Everything seems intensely meaningful to me.

I've always thought that life was tragic. That death is a fracture in the way things are, like we live in the ancient ruins of a long lost civilization.

And I've always thought that life seems like an incomprehensibly wonderful gift, because how can there be tragedy if there isn't anything worth losing? But somehow it seems like peace is the basic way things are, that normalcy isn't normal at all but like this status quo of goodness which makes bad things happening not only heart breaking but surprising.

Reconciling all of those ideas is really confusing.

I'm a strong proponent of thinking analytically about what you believe since the answer we choose to the question of whether or not God exists is like quite literally something we bet our lives on. We bet our life that God exists or that he doesn't, that things have meaning anchored in an external source or that they don't.

So while I grew up a Christian I've never felt really dead in it. I want to be uncomfortable. I want to be stubborn in asking questions and I don't have a problem with questioning authorities on why they believe what they believe—especially if they really confidently assert it. I want to be able to know things and understand them.

My junior year of high school three of my closest childhood friends died, and several others almost died. I remember sitting up at like two am listening to twenty one pilots self titled album just like seething and exhausted asking lord why would you abandon me like that?

Some other really horrible things happened to people that I cared about, I felt abandoned and rejected by Christians just for being broken, some of them caused it or contributed to the trauma and abuse. How could people who claimed the name of God do that?

My debate partner's best friend killed himself the same year that my friends died, and he became an atheist and I stayed a Christian. We fought about it a lot. I really seriously considered becoming an atheist.

The thing that I couldn't accept was the lack of eternality.

Really ironically I think I stayed a Christian for the same reason that my friend became an atheist. We were both asking why all of the living world is crying out in anguish. We both wanted to die. We both were angry. We both were horrified.

My friend thought that the question of “where is God?” was harder to answer than “why is there meaning to death?”

I'm a Christian because I'm horrified. He's an atheist for the same reason.

If you don’t feel like reading it, here’s the TLDR: there is no reason for someone to do something or not do something if God isn’t there to tell them to. There isn’t a moral grounding for law.

Arthur Leff was an atheist law professor at Yale in the eighties, and he wrote about the moral grounding for laws in his essay, Unspeakable Ethics, Unnatural Law. The question he was asking was what can we do to ground morality? What can we do to prove objectively that there are things one ought to do and things one ought not do?

I am unwilling to accept that. There is something evil about abuse, neglect, rape, torture. There is something about these things that violates human rights, human dignity. There's something about them that goes against objective moral law.

But without God there is no moral law. So I wouldn't be able to say, "you should never rape someone, because rape is wrong." And everything that I had experienced flew in the face of that.

Dr. Leff wrote this about that question;

“All I can say is this: it looks as if we are all we have. Given what we know about ourselves and each other, this is an extraordinarily unappetizing prospect; looking around the world, it appears that if all men are brothers, the ruling model is Cain and Abel. Neither reason, nor love, nor even terror, seems to have worked to make us "good," and worse than that, there is no reason why anything should. Only if ethics were something unspeakable by us, could law be unnatural, and therefore unchallengeable. As things now stand, everything is up for grabs.

Nevertheless:

Napalming babies is bad.

Starving the poor is wicked.

Buying and selling each other is depraved.

Those who stood up to and died resisting Hitler, Stalin, Amin, and Pol Pot-and General Custer too-have earned salvation.

Those who acquiesced deserve to be damned.

There is in the world such a thing as evil.

[All together now:] Sez who?

God help us.”

In the end, it comes down to this; Do I believe that the complexity of the universe is because there was someone intelligent actively involved in its design, do I believe that information, reason, logic, emotion, and morality exist and are reliable because they have grounding in God’s identity? Do I believe that God is who he says he is?

And I guess the answer to those questions was yes.

I saw God. He was there in the stillness - in the sunrise and sunset and at 2 am after I couldn't cry anymore. I felt him. And I know part of his goodness that I wish I never had to know. I felt like I was lying breathless bleeding out in a gutter watching the stars. Almost like a pause - just a moment in time where I was hurt enough, still enough to hear his voice.

One of the most important things I learned is that life is not hopeless. If life is a story, then the last chapter of the book has already been written. This is the premise of the song It is Well with My Soul by Horatio G. Spafford.

“When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, God has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, o my soul”

The powers of evil and darkness can take away my friends, my sanity, my family, and even my life, but God has already saved me, and I can find peace in spite of my circumstances. Three of my friends died, but God has already conquered death. I feel powerless, but God is powerful. I feel abandoned, but God loves me so much that he died a horrible torturous death for me. Living in light of that is peace.

Whenever I felt like I couldn’t keep going there would be something to stop me. I heard his voice in music, and in my friends that held me when I cried, and in morning glories on my morning walk. I kept lists of all of the times this happened, every time that someone encouraged me to keep going, every time that someone would quote a Bible verse when I was crying out for God to answer me, every time that the world paused. Everything asked me the same question, do you think it means nothing? Do you think that there is a direction that we’re going? Are we coming from nothing and going toward nowhere?

I had friends who heard him too. He was so gentle to us. I wasn’t able to go to church, I wasn’t able to listen to worship music but the LGBTQ+ community took care of me, they were isolated from church as well. There was enough for me in that God promised he would take care of me, and he did. He died for me. He talked to my trans friend and said, “listen, your parents have rejected you and said you’ll never be your son, but I am a good father. I love you. Be my son instead.”

God mourned with me. He saw everything and he was angry. I was able to breathe because I knew that in the end there will be justice for abuse victims, because God said that he is the holder of justice, and vengeance will be his.

When one of my friends was hospitalized I stood outside during the beginning of a thunderstorm and watched the clouds and the sky darken and lightning flash across the sky.

Even the wind and the sea obey him. He asked me if I trust him.

I guess my answer was yes.

In spite of everything that I went through, I was more thoroughly convinced that I ever was before that things matter. I was convinced that abuse is evil. I was convinced that death is an abomination. I was convinced that these laws of morality are woven into the fabric of the universe. I was convinced that God died to save us from that reality. I was convinced he loved me.

I still am

#asks #about #eslyea #religion tw #religion #christianity #christianity tw #suicide tw #grief tw #suicide #grief #rape #rape tw #just mentioned but still #thanks for asking #c:#hope this is coherent

8 notes · View notes

hobbitkiller · 4 years

Text

She-Ra, Supergirl, and Tangled: A Tale of Three Female Relationships: Part 2

*SPOILER WARNING FOR SHE-RA, SUPERGIRL, AND TANGLED: THE SERIES*

For those of you just tuning in, I’m taking a deep dive into 3 female relationships in 3 of my favorite tv shows that all turned into toxic messes at some point. The point of this series of posts is to exam these relationships, where things went wrong, whether there’s a chance for redemption, and what conclusions, if any, we can draw from these relationships about media’s representation of female characters and female relationships.

Oh, and shipping, ‘cause this is tumblr after all...

So, in Part 1 I gave a summary of the female relationships in question in these three shows (Adora and Catra, Kara and Lena, Rapunzel and Cassandra). I also summarized how these relationships began and when they started to go wrong. If you already know that stuff because you love these shows too, you don’t necessarily have to go back and read it, but doing so is always encouraged.

In this installment, I will be exploring 3 themes related to the festering resentment within these relationships: Mother Knows Best, Chosen Ones, and Itty Bitty Boxes. Follow the jump to get started!

PART III: MOTHER KNOWS BEST

youtube

I’ve heard a few people claim that Mother Gothel is not a top tier Disney villain. She doesn’t have the following that characters like Scar or Maleficent have. However, at the same time, I’ve heard many people saying something along the lines of “This is my mother.” There’s something uncomfortably familiar about Mother Gothel in Tangled. I recognized the same putdowns and microaggressions that I used to get from my stepmom in Gothel’s targeted jabs at Rapunzel’s confidence throughout the movie...all done with a smile and “It’s for your own good” attitude.

A lot of media focuses on the relationship between fathers and sons. Mothers in Disney have historically been silent or dead. (Except Perdita. That bitch was awesome).

This, of course, makes it interesting that 5/6 of these characters have verbally (and in some cases physically) abusive, manipulative mother figures. And for Adora and Catra and Rapunzel and Cassandra, that mother figure is the same.

Here are our three abusive mothers:

Shadow Weaver who raised Adora and Catra:

Lillian Luthor who is Lena Luthor’s adoptive mother (and played by the absolute joy to watch that is Brenda Strong):

And, of course, Mother Gothel who kidnapped and raised Rapunzel for most of her life and is the SPOILER biological mother of Cassandra:

There are, of course, good mothers sprinkled in. Rapunzel’s biological mother, Queen Arianna is great once she actually gets lines in the TV show. Lena’s birth mother was also, by all accounts, a very kind and loving person. Kara has two moms, and while both have flaws, both are inherently good people (particularly Eliza Danvers, her adoptive mother).

However, in spite of the presence of some positive examples of motherhood, the relationships between all three of these pairs is heavily influenced by the three narcissistic women above.

All three of these women are dishonest, withhold affection only to give it away as a special treat, and actively manipulate their children. Yet, at the same time, the children can’t help but seek approval. Adora and Catra both feared and desperately sought approval and affection from Shadow Weaver. Lena tries to cut ties with her family, but keeps being drawn back in when Lillian admits pride at her accomplishments or that she does, in fact, care about her. Rapunzel sought affection from Gothel growing up because she was her one human contact, and, when Cassandra learned the truth of who her mother was, Cassandra desperately wanted some validation that the mother who abandoned her loved her on some level.

These mother/daughter relationships scarred 5/6 of our characters (Kara has her own hangups about her mother, but not on the deeply psychologically scarred level as the other five.)

Adora is mockingly called paranoid by Shadow Weaver for understandably thinking the woman who lied to and manipulated her her entire life was up to something. Catra pushes everyone in her life away emotionally for fear of being hurt (only to create a self-fulfilling prophecy when they leave due to her behavior). Lena is constantly scared of being “betrayed” and manipulated. When she’s hurt by Supergirl asking Lena’s boyfriend to snoop on her, she says it was “something my mother would do.” When she and Kara first became friends, Lena was reluctant to do so because of the trust issues from her family (Lex Luthor is obviously also a manipulative, abusive jerk). Even Rapunzel, the embodiment of sunshine, has lingering trust issues. In the Season Three episode “Beginnings” she explains to Eugene that one of the reasons she likes Cassandra is because Rapunzel spent 18 years with someone who lied to her, whereas Cassandra was forthright and said what she was thinking.

Cassandra’s mother issues are a little more complicated. When she was four, Gothel abandoned her in order to kidnap Rapunzel and Cass was adopted by the captain of the guard. Cassandra has deeply repressed this memory by the time we meet her when she’s 22/23. Then, she’s given a glimpse of what life was like with Gothel:

youtube

Early in the series, Cass talks about how her father instilled in her the value of “earning my keep.” It’s clear here, though, that love as a transactional relationship had been instilled in Cassandra early in life: “And when it (love/affection) came, it came with strings.”

This transactional view of relationships is something shared by all 5 members of our “bad moms” squad on at least some level. Adora constantly feels the need to fix things and be useful to her friends. Catra thinks if she just wins enough or is good enough, maybe Shadow Weaver will finally love her. Lena’s approach to relationships largely revolves around buying things for them and trying to unilaterally solve their problems for them without their input. Rapunzel has to go through an entire episode to learn that you can’t buy friendship through doing nice things, and that she doesn’t have to. Cass ties her self-worth deeply to her usefulness to others. They all struggle to find internal validation at times.

The other way mothers play a part in the downfalls of these relationships is the element of competitiveness. This is an issue with Adora and Catra and Rapunzel and Cassandra. As previously stated, both of these couples share a mother figure. And, in both of these couples, there is a deep resentment on the part of the non-golden haired child toward the other. Shadow Weaver did not hide that Adora was her favorite. She frequently praised Adora while berating and abusing Catra even when both had done equally well. Even when Adora abandoned Shadow Weaver and Catra for the rebellion, SW was more concerned with getting Adora back than appreciating the loyalty and accomplishments of Catra.

Mother Gothel literally gave up Cassandra to take Rapunzel.

Both Catra and Cassandra feel completely overshadowed by the blonde in their lives, and part of them can’t help but think that, if only Adora or Rapunzel were out of the way, or had never existed, maybe they would have been chosen as the favored one.

This, of course, brings us to our next topic:

PART IV: CHOSEN ONES

youtube

I’ve never been a big fan of Ron Weasley. I didn’t read the Harry Potter books until I was in my twenties (yes, compared to many of my readers, I’m old), and I think this lead to me being less charmed by his humor or bullying of Hermione than I otherwise might have been. I found his temper aggravating and he is just...the worst...in the sixth book. Like, he purposely starts dating someone to punish Hermione who had already asked him to Slughorn’s party because Ginny pointed out that Hermione had probably kissed the guy she was dating TWO YEARS AGO. No, seriously, read that book again. That’s what happened. Then the seventh book happens and it turns out Dumbledore KNEW Ron was going to ditch the team at some point...

That being said, as I sat down to write this novel-length meta, I found myself thinking about what it’s like to be the support team for the “chosen one.” In the seventh book, Ron could have stayed at home with his pureblood family. He would still be in some danger due to their involvement with the Order of the Phoenix, but it would have been a lot safer than traveling around with “Undesirable No 1.″ Yet, because he loves Harry, he chooses to go on this mission.

In the three pieces of media we’re discussing, 2/3 have literal chosen ones--characters with specific destinies of supernatural origin: Adora and Rapunzel. Kara also largely fits into the trope as someone sent to earth from afar to “save us.” As I somewhat jokingly said in the first part, all three of these pieces of media feature a blond super-powered person who needs to save the world.

Can you imagine what it would be like to be the best friend or “sister” of the person who’s “burdened with glorious purpose”?

On the one hand, it’s constant fear over that person’s safety and wellbeing. On the other, there’s a bit that can’t help but feel resentful. Imagine having a friend that overshadows every accomplishment you’ve ever had seemingly by virtue of just who they are.

Now, of course we know that it’s no easy road being a chosen one. There’s a lot you have to sacrifice, and it usually involves injury, near death, and a boatload of trauma. And the support teams know this. For some, it’s never an issue. But for others...

In She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Adora, to Catra, always had the presence in her life of a chosen one, even before she got the sword and became She-Ra. Shadow Weaver had sensed something powerful about Adora when she was a baby, and thus treated her as the “Golden Child” to Catra’s “Scapegoat.”

This idea of the “Golden Child (GC)” versus the “Scapegoat (SG)” rolls a bit into this issue with “chosen ones.” In toxic, narcissistic families, parents often hold up one child as the great one while the other is the one to blame for their problems. Think Olga and Helga in Hey Arnold! (Is that reference too dated for some of you guys? Man, I’m old. Also, I remember finally being old enough to realize Helga’s mom was an alcoholic and it blew my mind.) This also usually entails encouraging a level of competitiveness between the siblings.

In some ways, it’s like a “chosen one” is the whole world’s golden child. Anyone who researches this dynamic knows it’s abusive to both the GC and the SG, which is clearly displayed in She-Ra when Adora is stressed by the pressure of expectations and the knowledge that her mistakes will most likely be taken out on Catra. That doesn’t change the fact that Catra resents the positive attention (the adoration if you will) Adora gets--that, no matter what Catra achieves, it will be nothing compared to Adora. This resentment is a big part of what fuels the escalation of their personal conflict leading to one of the saddest pieces of animation since Fry’s dog died sad and alone on Futurama. In the Season 1 episode “Promise.” (This is, by far, the best episode of the series), Catra airs all of her feelings she’d been repressing about what it felt like living in Adora’s shadow--how it made her feel like a “side kick,” something Adora never consciously tried to do and is shocked to discover.

Cassandra on Tangled:The Series has similar feelings about her role in Rapunzel’s life. Not only is her best friend the one with the magic hair and great destiny, but she is also her boss and monarch. Aside from the two songs I included in my last post, “Waiting in the Wings” and “Crossing the Line,” this conflict is best demonstrated early in Season One in the episode “Challenge of the Brave.”

youtube

Cass didn’t suffer abuse in quite the same way Catra did (though Gothel was the worst mom for her first 4 years), but she does feel disrespected and overshadowed by Rapunzel even before learning about Gothel. In “Crossing the Line”--a song many likened to “Let it Go” when they first heard it, Cassandra lays out these feelings further:

There’s a line between the winners and the losers.

There’s a line between the chosen and the rest.

And I’ve done the best I could,

but i’ve always known just where we stood.

Me here with the luckless.

You there with the blessed.

Now, when this song first came out, there were negative reactions from some fans. How could Cassandra call someone who had been kidnapped and locked in a tower with the neglectful and verbally abusive Gothel for 18 years “blessed”? But, from Cassandra’s perspective, Rapunzel still gets everything, power, respect, etc., purely because she was born a princess while Cass has worked incredibly hard her entire life to achieve one goal, becoming a guard, and is constantly denied.

With Lena and Kara in Supergirl, the resentment, again, is mostly between Lena and Supergirl for most of their relationship. Multiple times during the show’s run, Lena has expressed concern about human’s relative helplessness in the face of aliens like Supergirl who have power. This is why Lena sees some of her shadier actions such as making Kryptonite or trying to give humans super powers as justified. She doesn’t go to the extreme levels of hatred that her brother Lex does, but that distrust in those who are naturally more powerful runs throughout the family as does the resentment that aliens have seemingly usurped the leadership role among humanity that should have belonged to the Luthors.

What makes this interesting is that, in most of her relationships, Lena, as a billionaire, is the more privileged and powerful one. This is really best demonstrated in her relationship with James Olsen, whom she orders around as his boss while buying him expensive gifts and going behind his back to fix his legal problems. And for much of their relationship, this is how Lena sees her relationship with Kara. It’s not a manipulative or cruel thing. Lena just sees Kara as her adorkable reporter friend who is hapless in the face of danger.

Then, all of these preconceived notions come crashing down when Lena learns that Kara is Supergirl. Suddenly, she learns that her hapless friend was actually playing her the whole time--that she was stringing Lena along and pretending to be only human.

Lena’s resentment may not be as explicit in this case as Catra’s or Cassandra’s, but it is layered within all of the emotions Lena Luthor is pretending not to have.

This, of course, leads us to our final subject for today.

PART V: “ITTY BITTY BOXES”

I’ve mentioned a few times throughout this novel-length meta the word “repressed.” Catra, Lena, and Cassandra are not good at expressing their emotions in a healthy manner. Much of this can be blamed on the aforementioned mother figures and the trust and intimacy issues that having narcissistic, abusive parents can lead to.

Narcissistic parents often place the burden of maintaining the emotional wellbeing of the family on the children. It is your job as the child to make sure they don’t get upset. It is you who has to keep the cool head and maintain the facade of positivity. Parents like Shadow Weaver, Lillian Luther, and Mother Gothel do not see it as their responsibility to help their children regulate emotion or address it. To them, “negative emotions” are character flaws.

Of course, anyone who’s watched Inside Out knows that emotions aren’t inherently good or bad and feeling, addressing, and understanding them are vital to good mental health.

Too bad Inside Out wasn’t there for Catra, Lena, or Cassandra growing up.

Instead, each of these characters has learned to bottle up and hide emotions like sadness, fear, hurt, and true, deep anger. Lena even outlines her approach to such feelings when helping Brainy, an alien who is basically like an organic computer, solve a problem:

youtube

I was not the only person that was reminded of this gem after that scene:

Putting emotions away in an imaginary box is a real technique for keeping yourself from becoming overwhelmed in a situation where you need to focus. However, “forgetting the box existed” is not the appropriate use of the boxes. They need to be opened, and the feelings addressed.

Catra is interesting, because in some ways she’s very vocal about her frustration and anger. Yet, that surface level frustration manifests in yelling at her friends and subordinates over their job performance or just being a general jerk. It’s not an expression of her true, deep feelings. Catra doesn’t let anyone see the deep levels of hurt she feels when Shadow Weaver manipulates her to join Adora. Instead, she just almost destroys the world...as you do. Season 4 in particular features a Catra who is more mean to her friends than ever before, yet she is still repressing so much of her true feelings to the point of mental and emotional collapse.

Cassandra also struggles to express her feelings, particularly to Rapunzel. Part of it might be because Rapunzel is her princess, and it’s not Cassandra’s place, but it’s also something she struggles with in general:

The above line occurs in an episode where Rapunzel knows Cassandra is mad at her and keeps pushing her to share her feelings. As we can see, Cass is not a big fan of that. Even though they talk at the end of the episode, it’s clear that there are still some hurt feelings on Cassandra’s side that she doesn’t express until she has electric blue hair and is singing a rock ballad about “Crossing the Line.” This is also fascinating because, as previously stated, one of the reasons Rapunzel likes Cassandra is her honesty. But, like with Catra, Cassandra can be honest about surface level annoyances, but intensely represses anything deeper.

All three of these characters let their emotions fester until they become deadly infections that poison their relationships, not just with their best friends, but with everyone. Many of these relationships could have been diverted from their dark paths if there had been more honest and open communication both between the characters and internally. If Lena acknowledged the real reasons why she was hurt when learning Kara was Supergirl, if Catra had been honest about feeling overshadowed and pitied by Adora, if Cassandra had expressed the pain she was feeling in her relationship with Rapunzel, things could have been different. Instead, those feelings have turned toxic.

NEXT TIME IN THE NEVER-ENDING ANALYSIS:

Blond Bulldozers

I Don’t Care (I ship it)

Just going to do 2, because 3 subjects were a bit much.

Hope to see you there.

#she ra #spop #adora #catradora #catra #shadow weaver #supergirl #supercorp #kara danvers #lena luthor #lillian luthor #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure #rapunzel #tts cassandra #cassunzel

57 notes · View notes

in-the-whisper · 3 years

Text

Here’s a video that’s really good that I think will give some good background information. If you don’t want to read all of this, the video is probably enough to explain.

youtube

I hope this makes sense anon let me know if you have any questions or if I misinterpreted your question.

TW suicide // grief // abuse // rape mention (not v bad or graphic or anything)

Long version:

I've always thought that life was tragic. That death is a fracture in the way things are, like we live in the ancient ruins of a long lost civilization.

Reconciling all of those ideas is really confusing.

The thing that I couldn't accept was the lack of eternality.

My friend thought that the question of “where is God?” was harder to answer than “why is there meaning to death?”

I'm a Christian because I'm horrified. He's an atheist for the same reason.

But without God there is no moral law. So I wouldn't be able to say, "you should never rape someone, because rape is wrong." And everything that I had experienced flew in the face of that.

Dr. Leff wrote this about that question;

Nevertheless:

Napalming babies is bad.

Starving the poor is wicked.

Buying and selling each other is depraved.

Those who stood up to and died resisting Hitler, Stalin, Amin, and Pol Pot-and General Custer too-have earned salvation.

Those who acquiesced deserve to be damned.

There is in the world such a thing as evil.

[All together now:] Sez who?

God help us.”

And I guess the answer to those questions was yes.

“When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, God has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, o my soul”

When one of my friends was hospitalized I stood outside during the beginning of a thunderstorm and watched the clouds and the sky darken and lightning flash across the sky.

Even the wind and the sea obey him. He asked me if I trust him.

I guess my answer was yes.

I still am

#ask #what's your current relationship with god? i'm very curious lmao

3 notes · View notes

hamliet · 5 years

Text

MXTX Ladies’ Week: Girls, Goddesses, and Ghosts

After writing about Scum Villain’s female cast here and MDZS’s here, it’s time to write about Heaven Official’s Blessing’s female cast... which is actually smaller than the other two in quantity but imo, in quality, is far greater. Most of the women do not die, and several have fantastic arcs. They’re allowed to be kickass, to make their own decisions, to be morally flawed, to be extremely feminine, to be emotional, to be ugly, and to even be villains--and the whole while, the story depicts them with empathy.

So let’s start with the mortals. This is again more a ramble than a direct meta.

The Humans:

Me, skipping happily into TGCF, immediately loving one character, and her dying like ten chapters in:

Yes, I’m talking about Xiao Ying. I also realize I said that most of TGCF’s female characters don’t get killed off, so I’m not leading off with a convincing argument (she is the only one who really does).

Little Ying’s role in the narrative is as a parallel to Xie Lian and a way to introduce the main themes of the story, which her arc encapsulates. A teenage girl who is noted to be physically unattractive, she’s introduced to us praying to Feng Xin for protection. The god who she prays to for protection from whomever is stealing the brides comments cruelly on her appearance, foreshadowing how corrupt heaven is, and Xie Lian quickly realizes that someone has tried to humiliate her already by cutting a hole in the back of her skirt, hinting at the theme of human cruelty and suffering. He is kind to her, and in return, she helps him prepare for his undercover mission to catch the bride thief, showing the the answer to her prayers is through her own work and kindness, and the connections she makes (with Xie Lian in this case).

The reader quickly learns that Little Ying might not be physically beautiful, but she has a beautiful heart, taking care of a scarred ghost who lives in the mountains (Lang Ying). Yet people turn on her and scorn her when she tries to protect Lang Ying, because humanity is often cruel to their own, and an orphan girl who is unattractive is a target. Yet, unlike the rest of the crowd gathered by the house where all the brides have been stolen away to, she wants to help. But her attempts to help, to save everyone, get her killed, and it’s noted that they do not actually help.

Softly, she said, “I feel as though my entire life, there weren’t many days where I lived happy.”

Xie Lian also didn’t know what to say, and gently patted her hand. Little Ying sighed, “Oh well, forget it. I might just be someone……born unlucky.”

This is something that repeats in Xie Lian’s arc as well: he often winds up hurting where he tried to help (as with Jun Wu, too), and sacrificing oneself is looked at, as it is in MDZS, with nuance in TGCF. Little Ying did not need to die. There’s a futility to human suffering in TGCF: it doesn’t bring a purpose, it isn’t glorious, and it doesn’t always make someone a better or worse person. It just is.

Yet it’s also worth noting that the story is asking: when society treats you a certain way because of things you cannot help, such as gender, appearance, and economic status, what power do you have to decide your fate? The answer is what brings comfort to Little Ying in her last minutes: she’s not alone. Xie Lian stays with her as she dies. Little Ying, too, made an effort to make sure others were not alone (Lang Ying). Suffering is unbearable, but if you’re not alone, there is comfort.

The Demons:

Two of the demon ladies are fantastic deconstructions of female character stereotypes: the crazed ex (Xuan Ji) and the evil seductress (Jian Lan).

(remember this meme? it plays into the crazy ex trope too)

Xuan Ji is the scorned woman who murders brides to vent her frustration at the world (and at Pei Ming, the lover who abandoned her). She is Little Ying’s counterpart in the first arc, in that while Little Ying is a Xie Lian parallel, Xuan Ji is a parallel to our main antagonist, Bai WuXiang, in that she’s determined to take out her misfortune on literally everyone around her. But she is in genuine pain, which the novel takes care to note:

Under her long hair, her tears started to fall as she said, “I’ve waited for him for centuries, what important matter does he have? Back then, in order to see me, he would cross half of the border in a single night, so what important matter could he have now? So important that he wouldn’t even be willing to see me once? An important matter? He doesn’t actually have one, right?”

It’s not portraying Pei Ming as a poor sad victim here; on the contrary, his treatment of Xuan Ji is condemned. She betrayed her army for him, and he doesn’t like her because, in many ways, he comes across as a chauvinist (at first. This is later unpacked too, but that’s for another meta).

“General Pei does not like strong-minded women, and Xuan Ji’s natural disposition is strong-willed. This is why they could not stay together for long. General Xuan Ji was unwilling to let go, so she said to General Pei that she was willing make sacrifices and change herself. Thus, she voluntarily abolished her martial arts and broke her own two legs. In this way, she did the equivalent of breaking both her wings and tying herself to General Pei. Despite all this, General Pei didn’t abandon her. He took her in and looked after her, yet, he still wouldn’t take her as his wife. Because General Xuan Ji’s long-cherished wish could not be fulfilled, she killed herself in hate. Not for any other reason, but only to make General Pei feel sad and aggrieved.

Again, harming yourself for the sake of someone else is not presented as a good thing in TGCF. The story does a good job of pointing out that both sides can be at fault; there isn’t a black and white, one is evil and the other good situation in the story. Because Xuan Ji then won’t give up and makes it her mission to torture and humiliate Pei Ming, which she does the former and tries for the latter on numerous occasions. Yet the conclusion to their arc is Pei Ming finally telling her:

...it was Pei Ming who abandoned Xuan Ji first, this female ghost also killed countless after, trying to kill them time and time again... looking like this, she was a little pitiful.

Pei Ming looked back at her, and in the end, he only said, “Xuan Ji, it’s time you wake up.”

“Wake up what.” Xuan Ji was confused.

“That you’ve become this way, I’m part of the reason, but a majority of it is by your own decisions. You’ve done so much but you can only move your own heart, I’m a steel-hearted man. Rather than love me, why don’t you go love yourself.”

He yanked back his robes from Xuan Ji’s hold, and left without looking back.

It’s not that he’s innocent in how he treated her (he isn’t), and it’s not that Xuan Ji’s pain isn’t real, but what we do with our suffering is the pivot on which everyone’s character arc in TGCF swings, and so just as Pei Ming finally decides to take responsibility for his actions, so does Xuan Ji. And after she finally lets go of her resentment, she is able to dissipate and leave the world, entering into a reincarnation cycle.

Jian Lan is originally portrayed to us as Lan Cheng, a vulgar-tongued prostitute who is the mother of a demonic murdering ghost baby, CuoCuo. Yet eventually the reader finds out she was actually a potential concubine for Xie Lian and, after the kingdom of Xian Le fell, she became a prostitute, and CuoCuo is actually the son of Feng Xin, one of Xie Lian’s best friends. Feng Xin promises to take care of them, but Jian Lan tells Xie Lian this in the end:

"having Cuo Cuo is enough for me. Who hasn’t made promises or swore to the mountains and the seas when they were young? Talking of affection, of love, of forevers. But, the longer I hung around in the world, the more I understand, something like ‘forever’ is impossible. It’s never going to be possible. Having it once was already good enough. No one can truly achieve it. I don’t believe in it anymore.”

It’s not that the story wants to imply that forever really isn’t possible (Hua Cheng and Xie Lian’s relationship counters this), but it also doesn’t invalidate Jian Lan’s choice.

“What you’ve said are all things of the past. What was love once doesn’t mean it’ll last. To be a charity case and a nuisance, I’m not interested.”

“Why would he think you both a nuisance?” Xie Lian asked, “Don’t you know the kind of person Feng Xin is?”

“You, His Highness the Crown Prince, you have never lived the common life, so of course you’d think things are that simple. He won’t now, and he won’t on the surface either. But once time gets dragged out, then nothing could be sure.

It’s her choice, and her choice not to risk trying love with Feng Xin again is respected by the narrative. Her choice parallels Xuan Ji’s, but unlike Xuan Ji, Jian Lan’s problem was never that she cared too much about a cast-off lover, but that she did not want to tell said lover the truth. Now that she has, her choices and her freedom to decide her fate remain. She too is not alone: she has her son.

The last demonic ghost character is Ban Yue, another Xie Lian parallel. She is an orphan girl, mistreated, and later a high priestess of Banyue. She states Xie Lian’s words “I, too want to save the world,” and says that she took his teachings to heart.

She’s noted to be very lonely, and after Xie Lian “died” saving her, she finds someone to cling to in Pei Su (Pei Ming’s descendent). Once they find out the kingdom of Banyue plans to destroy the city itself and everyone around it, Ban Yue opens the gates for Pei Su to slaughter everyone in the city--but at least the people outside it will survive. It’s a complex moral decision that doesn’t have an easy answer.

“You also said, ‘Do what you think is right!’” Ban Yue told him.

‘....what… nonsense! … Why did I keep saying those kinds of things… I’m nothing like that at all… am I??’ Xie Lian thought.

“But, I don’t know what’s right anymore.” Ban Yue said.

Xie Lian froze.

Ban Yue’s sulky voice buzzed from the pot, “I thought I was doing the right thing, but in the end it was me who opened the gates that let in the enemy who slaughtered my people... But if I didn’t open the gates, the Banyue people would terrorize the Midlands and hurt more people... I really wanted to do well as the Head Priestess. But, not only did I opened the gates, I killed them, and refused them human flesh. If they didn’t feed on human flesh they’d suffer, and I couldn’t relieve them of that suffering... It’s like no matter what I did, the result was going to be bad... I know I didn’t do things right, but can you tell me, where did I go wrong?”

Hearing her question, Xie Lian rubbed the back of his neck and said slowly, “I’m sorry, Ban Yue. The answer to that question, I’d not known it back then, and now… I don’t think I know the answer now either.”

The thing is, if Xie Lian hadn’t gotten himself “killed” saving her, the gates wouldn’t have been opened. Yet, if he didn’t sacrifice himself, she would be dead. There isn’t a right or a wrong choice; it’s complex morally. It also foreshadows what will happen in Book 2, when a flashback reveals to us that Xie Lian himself learned the hard way that there isn’t always a way to save everyone through the fall of his kingdom Xian Le.

The Goddesses:

My favorite female character in TGCF is YuShi Huang, or the Princess who Slit Her Throat. She’s not dead though; she’s a goddess whose quick thinking saved her family’s kingdom. She’s a Xie Lian parallel in that she is a laughingstock; Pei Ming is noted to have led a siege against her kingdom and have mocked her cruelly in her life. However, YuShi Huang, being the youngest of sixteen children, become the unlikely heir who saves her father and her kingdom, and later will grow to save those who laugh at her.

She has a kind, self-sacrificing personality like Xie Lian, but she does warn Xie Lian when she helps him by lending him her spiritual device to give his kingdom water that rain is a limited resource, and there’s only so much that he can do. She’s in other words a mite wiser than Xie Lian is at this point--if Little Ying can be seen as him in his childlike stage, trying to save everyone, and Ban Yue as his adolescent phase of character development when he’s started to question, then YuShi Huang can be seen as his parallel once he matures--which is why the reveal of just who the Lord Rain Master is comes very late in the story. Her wisdom is used to save and to heal what she can (such as smuggling Hua Cheng to Xie Lian), but she knows she cannot do everything.

She also foils Xuan Ji, in that both are from YuShi and were treated cruelly by Pei Ming in life. However, she ultimately saves Pei Ming several times, and when Xuan Ji passes on, she performs a passing service for the ghost. Pei Ming’s subsequent... embarrassment (schoolboy crush? It’s kinda questionable based on the explicit parallels with Xuan Ji, and Xuan Ji’s outright accusations of him liking her in dialogue with him) over how YuShi Huang saved him is also rather amusing.

Aaaand then there’s the other goddess. Ling Wen has the distinction of being the only complex MXTX character I struggle to like. (Jun Wu used to be on this list but. Writing him helped me like him. Not so much with Ling Wen--but I do think she’s a well done character so please note that my dislike is purely my personal opinion and not an accusation of narrative failing nor an implication that anyone should not stan her (by all means, do so!))

She’s a Jun Wu parallel in many ways, which is why she’s the only god who winds up on his side even after all he’s done comes to light. Her role in a corrupt and sexist court is also not unsympathetic: she’s often worshipped in her male form, so she adopts it, she was mistreated by the literature god before her, and she’s angry about it (every woman who’s seen men get promoted ahead of them in an office can feel this on a--hem--spiritual level). Her anger is justified, and it’s hilarious how the Upper Court cannot actually function without her and so her punishment for her crimes essentially amounts to “please just do your job.”

She’s also only character who does not have a close relationship with anyone, and this is almost certainly deliberate in response to the unfairness and the sexism and cruelty of the world and how it treats her, as a woman. She tells Xie Lian:

“Something like a genuine heart is made to be trampled...”

After a long silence, Xie Lian said, “You said ‘similar to him’. So, was General Bai Jing like this too?”

Ling Wen smiled lightly, “Why else would he be deceived by me?”

...

Xie Lian said, “… you wanted to help General Bai Jing in becoming a Supreme, and have him wake to his senses, right?”

Ling Wen gave a small laugh, “Your highness, don’t say it like I would do anything for him. After all, I’m cold-blooded and recognized no loved ones, so why would I do anything like that?”

Her closest relationship is with the Brocade Immortal Bai Jing, someone she transformed into an object. But if, as Xie Lian implies, she wanted to awaken Bai Jing again, it may imply that she might be lonely and long for connection after all, even if she is afraid to take the risks involved in human connection. Hopefully she’ll be able to connect again, now that the gods are incredibly grateful to her for doing the job none of them could do. Like Jun Wu, she has a chance.

#tgcf #heaven official's blessing #hob meta #tgcf meta #tian guan ci fu #mxtx meta #mxtx ladies week #ling wen #yushi huang #ban yue #xiao ying #jian lan #xie lian

200 notes · View notes

dailybestiary · 4 years

Text

Books of Magic: The Voyage of the “Princess Ark”

(Images by Jim Holloway and Thomas Baxa come from PDF scans of Dragon Magazine, are © Wizards of the Coast or their respective copyright holders, and are used for review purposes.)

Previous installments in my “Books of Magic” series were, weirdly enough, about books.

This time, I want to tell you about a series: Bruce A. Heard’s “The Voyage of the Princess Ark,” which turns 30 years old this very month.

TVotPA ran in the pages of TSR’s Dragon Magazine nearly every month from January 1990 (Dragon #153) through December 1992 (Dragon #188). A serialized travelogue and adventure story told in 35 installments over three years, TVotPA was part Master and Commander, part Star Trek, and part The Adventures of Asterix (the last two of which Heard explicitly cited as inspiration in his letters columns). It follows the saga of Prince Haldemar of Haaken, an Alphatian wizard who recommissions an old skyskip and sets out to explore the lesser known regions of the Dungeons & Dragons game’s Known World, which would soon come to be known as Mystara.

Some background might be necessary for those of you who aren’t familiar with the chaos that was D&D at the time. In the 1980s and 1990s, Dungeons & Dragons and Advanced Dungeons & Dragons were two different games. I’m simplifying the chronology here, but basically in the late ’70s D&D was meant to serve as a simplified gateway to introduce fans to fantasy role-playing before guiding them on to AD&D. But in the 1980s, thanks to the release of the Moldvay/Cook Basic and Expert Sets, and then the five Mentzer box sets (the ones with Larry Elmore dragons on the cover, now referred to as BECMI D&D—for the Basic, Expert, Companion, Master, and Immortals Rules box sets), D&D had become a viable game in its own right, with its own world, referred to only as the Known World.

The Known World—particularly as it was showcased in the Expert Rules—was a mess: more than a dozen nations slammed together in the corner of a continent to illustrate for young DMs the various forms of government you might find in D&D beyond kings and queens. Along the way, these nations also served as analogues for real-world societies ranging from Western European countries to Native American nations to the Mongolian khanate. But it was a glorious mess, thanks to a series of excellent Gazetteer supplements that had rounded out and mapped these nations in great detail, capped off by a box set, Dawn of the Emperors, that described the Known World’s pseudo-Rome, Thyatis, and its rival empire Alphatia, a nation of wizards across the sea.

By the end of 1989, then, D&D was at a crossroads. It was clearly the unloved child, seen as “basic,” best for beginners. Its setting did not have the novel support of Dragonlance or the energy of the surging and more thoughtfully conceived Forgotten Realms, then only two years old. The Gazetteer series had covered nearly all the known nations (two more would come later thanks to popular demand). And even Dragon Magazine rarely carried D&D material—a fact that was excruciating to me when I started picking up issues in late 1988 as a 5th grader.

Into this void stepped Bruce Heard. He’d been the architect of the Gazetteer series, had written some of its best installments, and was the overmind behind the D&D line at the time. If I’m remembering my history correctly, he approached the editor of Dragon, the amazing Roger Moore, about supplying a column that would provide regular D&D content for that starved segment of Dragon’s audience. In his editorials and answers to reader letters, Moore had made several mentions of needing more D&D content for the magazine, so he was a receptive audience. Heard got the green light, and “The Voyage of the Princess Ark” was born.

I still remember where I was when I realized this was happening. I missed the series launch—with my tiny allowance, I could only justify buying Dragon issues that really interested me, and Dragon #153 hadn’t leapt of the shelf at me. (Not having the Masters Rules box at the time, I didn’t realize the illustration of a continental map plastered with “WRONG WRONG WRONG” was referring to the D&D world.) I did have Dragon #155 (still one of my favorite issues of all time), but somehow I skipped past TVotPA Part 3—I wasn’t reading issues cover to cover yet and somehow didn’t grasp what was going on.

Then came issue #158. I was away for a week at Boy Scout summer camp, and I’d brought the June issue of Dragon with me. Having torn through the articles about dragons (June’s theme was always dragons), I turned to an article illustrated with a wizard and an ogre/elf cross riding pelicans. Better yet, they article had stats for playing these ogre-elves as PCs.

D&D stats.

THIS WAS A D&D ARTICLE!

And it was part of a SERIES!!!

With some effort, I tracked down the issues I’d missed—no easy task for a just-finished-6th-grader—and soon was buying Dragon every month. Moore and Heard’s plan had worked. I was hooked on both TVotPA and Dragon from then on. (The next time I missed an issue, I’d be a college freshman and the industry was on the verge of collapse.)

Most installments of TVotPA followed a simple template: The Princess Ark would fly to some new spot on the map, the crew would get into some trouble (usually brought down on them by the actions of Captain Haldemar himself), and then more or less get out again, either due to a last-minute save by Haldemar or some surprising turn of events. All this played out in the form of log entries—originally by Haldemar, then supplemented by other crewmembers as the cast expanded—that allowed Heard to deliver both in-world descriptions and rollicking action at the same time. The article would then offer back matter containing rules content or setting write-ups, and sometimes conclude with a letters column of readers reacting to the setting or seeking clarification on some arcane point of D&D rules and lore.

While this template was simple, it was never boring. The episodic nature of the series let Heard play in a variety of tones and genres: lost-world pulp, courtly drama, horror, farce, even a Western—heck, he slipped in an homage to the Dark Crystal (which at the time I didn’t get, not having seen it) as early as Part 5 (Dragon #157). As well (without getting into too spoilery territory), various overarching antagonists and plot threads—including a threatening order of knights, a devious dragon, two major status quo changes, and divine machinations—kept things simmering in the background from episode to episode. The characters likewise became more developed as Heard’s writing grew in confidence and ambition, and reader affection grew for side characters like Talasar, Xerdon, Myojo, and the rest. Once the series was up and running at full speed, it was a sure bet that if you didn’t like that month’s story, you’d dig the rules write-up, or vice versa. And when the story, setting, characters, and rules all came together, such as in Dragon #177, an episode would just sing.

Once again, I can’t tell you how thrilling this series was to 6th–9th-grade me. First of all, it came along at the perfect time. Heard’s writing literally matured just as my reading did, so the series and I literally grew up together. 6th grade was also the year I discovered comics, so this was also the era of my life when I was falling in love with serialized storytelling. Similarly, it was my first time really embracing the epistolary form.

Perhaps most significantly for this blog and my freelance career, the column was also an early primer for me on game design. Watching Heard tweak D&D’s simple rules to evoke a more complex world, especially when looked at in concert with D&D’s Gazetteer and Hollow Word supplements, gave me the courage to think about tweaking/inventing lore and systems myself. Heard also made a habit of pilfering monsters from the Creature Catalogue, seeing potential in them no one else had, and then suggesting entire cultures for them. (If that doesn’t sound like someone you know…what blog have you been reading?) He made creating a world seem easy, because he did it month after month after month.

Finally, TVotPA was thrilling because it was clear proof that someone took “basic” BECMI/Rules Cyclopedia-era D&D seriously. And that meant someone took us, the fanbase, seriously too. Back then, I couldn’t afford AD&D. Even if I could, I didn’t want to mess with all the complexity. Plus, I loved the Known World. I loved the Gazetteer books and the Aaron Allston box sets. By writing and publishing TVotPA, Bruce Heard and Roger Moore made me feel like they cared about and for fans like me. I didn’t have Raistlin, I didn’t have Elminster…but I didn’t need them, because I had Prince Haldemar of Haaken and his magical Princess Ark.

In fact, it’s no exaggeration to say that falling under the spell of Dragon and TVotPA were some of the most magical and mind expanding moments of my middle school years.

But what does this mean for you, the current Pathfinder or D&D fan? Should you read “The Voyage of the Princess Ark”?

Obviously I’m going to say yes, for all the reasons I’ve listed above. If you like maritime adventures, steampunk, or pulp adventures, this is obviously the series for you. If you like Pathfinder/D&D where a wizard is as likely to throw a punch as he is to go for his wand, this is the series for you. If you like on-the-fly worldbuilding, this is the series for you. If you like setting, story, and rules expansion all mixed together every month, this is the series for you.

TVotPA has never been collected in its entirely (more on that later), but there are PDF scans of all that era’s Dragon issues online. Start at Dragon #153 and keep reading. I’ll warn you that the first installments are a little slow, but I’d be surprised if you aren’t pulled in by the end of Part 8 (Dragon #161). If you’re the sort of reader who wants to sample a series running on all four cylinders before committing, I recommend Part 18 (Dragon #171), set in the pseudo-Balkan nation of Slagovich, or Part 24 (Dragon #177), when the crew encounters the Celtic-influenced druidic knights of Robrenn, as great places to get a strong first impression.

To my eye, “The Voyage of the Princess Ark” consists of four major arcs, plus a smattering of follow-up material that owes a debt to the series. If you do decide to dive in, here’s a quick reading guide:

Arc 1 / Parts 1–10 / Dragon #153–163 / This arc launches the series and introduces us to several major antagonists. The first few installments are slow going, but by Part 6 (Dragon #158) or 7 (Dragon #160) we see signs of the series as it will be in its prime.

(Dragon #158 also looks at D&D’s immortal dragon rulers; some of this info will later get superseded by a more canonical article in Dragon #170 a year later. Don’t sleep on Dragon #159—though it doesn’t have an installment of TVotPA, there is some fun Spelljammer content in that issue. Speaking of Spelljammer, Dragon #160 also has a companion article entitled “Up, Away & Beyond,” that serves up rudimentary rules for space travel in D&D in tandem with the action in that month’s TVotPA.)

As you have probably just gleaned, this arc also takes the Princess Ark briefly into space and introduces D&D’s second, secret setting, the Hollow World, which was being launched at that time .

Arc 2 / Parts 11–15 / Dragon #164–168 / This short arc deals with the ramifications of a major status quo-altering event at the end of the previous arc. As the crew comes to terms with their new circumstances, Haldemar learns more about the ship itself and the magics behind her. The arc ends with yet another status quo shakeup and detailed maps of the Princess Ark.

Arc 3 / Parts 16–28 / Dragon #169–181 / Hex maps! One of the calling cards of the D&D Gazetteer series was its gloriously detailed full-color hex maps, so it was kind of a disappointment when TVotPA served up only rough sketches of coastlines and mountain ranges. Part 16 gave us what we’d wanted all along: glorious hex maps (detailing the India-inspired nation of Sind no less!). They weren’t always perfect—several issues in the #170s had the wrong colors for mountain ranges, or even seemed crudely painted with watercolors—but by Part 24 (Dragon #177) we got the crisp, expertly designed nations we expected in our Known World.

Early in this arc, we also get a passing of the torch between artists. Parts 1–17 were illustrated by Jim Holloway, who I like for his action scenes, his expressive faces, and the classic stern captain’s look (complete with mustache) he gives Haldemar. (Holloway also does the best dwarves, gnomes, and halflings in the fantasy business.) Starting with Part 18 (Dragon #171), we are treated to the more angular, stylized look of Thomas Baxa, with Haldemar losing his mustache and gaining a silver-streaked ponytail. Terry Dykstra takes over in Part 25 (Dragon #178); his style is more cartoony (his Myojo really suffers from this), but he keeps Baxa’s character designs till the end of the series.

Now that I’ve totally buried the lede, let’s unearth it: This arc is, for my money, the series at its absolute prime. Action-packed stories. More characters in the spotlight. Meaty setting descriptions and rules content. New PC races and classes. Even heraldry for each nation! Heard also continued his habit of dredging up D&D creatures from the Creature Catalogue and loosely tying them to real-world cultures for great effect. I suspect many of you will love the French dogfolk of Renardy or the English catfolk of Bellayne, not to mention the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reference he sneaks in there.

(By the way, it should be noted that today in 2020 we’re more hesitant to do such A+B design. But remember, 1) 1990–1992 was a different time—by ’90s standards, Heard is engaged in pretty solid, multiculturalist worldbuilding, and 2) Heard grew up in Europe (France originally, I believe), so while some of the characterizations and comedy is broad, the settings are grounded in both on-the-ground familiarity and good research, and the humor is affectionate and of a piece with works like Asterix that any European reader would be familiar with. In other words, don’t stress it and just enjoy that the dog-dudes are shouting “Sacrebleu!” The one exception might be the depiction of Hule, an evil D&D nation that has always been hung with vaguely Persian or Arabian trappings…but again 1) Heard was working within the established canon, and 2) the Known World setting more than balances that out with the Emirates of Ylaruam, an Arabian/Persian-inspired nation that was depicted with lots of sensitivity and care by Ken Rolston and others, to be followed by the amazing Al-Qadim setting for AD&D. So I don’t think there’s much in here that should raise alarms from a cultural sensitivity perspective, but if something does strike you discordantly, remember we’re talking about works that are 30 years old and make allowances as you feel you can.)

Along the way, you’ll also get a sneak peek at what would become AD&D’s Red Steel setting and the Savage Baronies box set—including some of the first Spanish and Moorish-inspired nations you’ll find in fantasy RPGs of this era—learn a bit about the Known World’s afterlife and undead, and even get an honest-to-Ixion cowboy shootout, as well as lots of PC options and deck plans for the evil knights’ flying warbirds, which put the Klingons’ warbirds to shame. (Oh, and while you’re reading, don’t skip the two articles about the Known World’s dragons in #170 and #171!)

Arc 4 / Parts 29–35 / Dragon #182–188 / Dragon #158–181 is among the best two-year-runs Dragon Magazine ever had, and TVotPA is a large part of the reason. But a lackluster issue #182 was a first quiet sign of a long slow downturn to come. The fact that that issue’s TVotPA entry was only a letter column portended even more dire things. In fact, three of the seven installments in this arc were purely letters columns, which was a huge disappointment at the time: We’d waited a whole month and got…just letters?!?

By this point, I think we knew the Wrath of the Immortals box set was coming—one of those world-shattering setting updates that was being pitched as a relaunch of the setting, but which could also serve as its climax. My hope at the time was that Wrath of the Immortals would kick things into a new, higher gear for both the Known World (which by then we knew as Mystara) and TVotPA, especially since the D&D Rules Cyclopedia had only come out the year before. But alas, it wasn’t to be.

Thanks to the three letters-only entries, the writing was on the wall. In Part 35 (Dragon #188), TVotPA wound its way to a close that felt appropriate but not properly climactic. God, what I wouldn’t have given to have traded those three letters columns for one last showdown with a certain dragon, those dastardly knights, or any other more suspenseful end! The end we got was nice and tidy enough (and took us to fantasy Louisiana, Australia, and Endor), but it wasn’t the end we wanted…in part because we didn’t want it to end, ever.

Arc 5 / Coda & Part 36 / Select issues of Dragon #189–200, Champions of Mystara, Dragon #237, #247 & #344 / In 1993, TVotPA was replaced with “The Known World Grimoire.” This was a grab bag of announcements, letters columns, nitty-gritty details on running dominions (Companion and Master-level D&D players got to have their own lands, castles, and even kingdoms if they so wished), and other sundries. Most of these are skippable. Four exceptions are four “Grimoire” entries which could practically be TVotPA installments: Dragon #192, which covers the manscorpions of Nimmur, Dragon #196, featuring the orcs of the Dark Jungle, an article on D&D heraldry in Dragon #199 (which is an edge case, but I’m including it here because the rules could be applied to the coats of arms of the various Savage Coast nations), and Dragon #200, which looked at the winged elves and winged minotaurs of the Arm of the Immortals. Coming out as it did in the giant-sized issue #200, this last article felt like what it was—a last goodbye to D&D’s Known World/Mystara as we knew it before Mystara’s relaunch as an AD&D line.

(Dragon #200 also had a nice article on making magic-users in D&D more distinctive. There was also “The Ecology of the Actaeon” in Dragon #190, one of the only D&D ecologies to be published in Dragon’s 2e AD&D era. Somewhere in this time we also got the news that the Known World would be relaunched as AD&D’s Mystara setting, whose products were famous for coming with audio CDs and not much else.)

Around this time TSR also published its TVotPA-inspired—and utterly maddening—Champions of Mystara box set. I say “maddening” because, at least to me, it clearly felt like a “Sure, here fine, have your dang box set” product, a too-pricey production made because fans demanded it, but not out of real love from anyone at TSR but Bruce Heard himself and co-designer Ann Dupuis.

(Let me be clear: This is all speculation; I can’t confirm any of that; I’m just saying what it felt like.)

Among the reasons for my disappointment: There was no new content featuring Haldemar and his crew. One of the booklets reprinted most of TVotPA…but not the first 10 or so entries (so it wasn’t even the complete epic! *headdesk*) and none of the ancillary material, just the story logs. Another booklet was deep in the weeds of skyship construction—hell yeah, you could build your own skyship!—but gave little content to, say, inspire lots of fun skyship-to-skyship adventures in the vein of Spelljammer, such as tons of skyships from other nations. The box did contain eight standalone cards with other ship designs, but most of these were one-off constructions by solitary wizards and rajahs, not enough to really launch a campaign. My favorite booklet was the “Explorer’s Manual,” which gave us some new setting details we hadn’t seen before, including an amazing subterranean nation of elves and gnolls that I still think about to this day…but again, it was all too little, too late—for this fan, at least.

In other words, don’t try to buy the Champions of Mystara box set—at time of writing it’s crazy expensive and not worth it for anyone not actively playing BECMI D&D right this minute. If, after reading the entire series, you’ve fallen in love with TVotPA (which admittedly was my goal in writing this) and absolutely must have Champions for that nation of elves and gnolls, get the PDF on DriveThruRPG.com.

Years later, as Dragon was limping through the late ’90s before its rejuvenation in 2000, Heard provided 2e AD&D rules for Mystara’s lupins and rakastas in Dragon #237 and #247, including writing up tons of subraces inspired by actual pet breeds. If you’ve ever wanted to play an anthropomorphic St. Bernard or Siamese, these are the articles for you.

Finally in 2006, when Paizo had taken over publishing Dragon, they invited Heard to deliver one last TVotPA entry in Dragon #344…giving us, if not a climax, definitely one last burst of palace intrigue and action to bridge the gap between the series proper and the events of Wrath of the Immortals. Over and above all the other coda material I’ve mentioned, this actually fits in the saga—it’s even labeled Part 36. If you want to ship out one last time with Haldemar and his crew, track it down.

Finally x2, there is the world of Calidar. After being thwarted for several years trying to get permission to write new TVotPA content, Bruce Heard has created his own game world filled with skyships and adventures. I own the books (which are rules-light so fans of any system can use them), but haven’t had time to read them yet; hopefully you will be a more determined fan. Keep an eye out for his various Kickstarters and definitely show your support.

Finally x3, if you think I am the only diehard Known World/Mystara fan out there…wow, no, not by a long shot. The Mystara fan community is one of the most dedicated in gaming. In addition to holding a torch for BECMI/Rules Cyclopedia-era D&D, they’ve taken it upon themselves to continue mapping and describing the remainder of Mystara as part of the fan community based out of the Vaults of Pandius website and the stunning fanzine Threshold. I’ve only skimmed Threshold a little, but it is stunning work on par with the Pathfinder fanzine Wayfinder for the amount of effort the fans put in and the quality that comes out. Kudos to everyone involved!

“The Voyage of the Princess Ark” is a testament to the creative heights one writer could achieve in a fantasy world.

“The Voyage of the Princess Ark” deserves to be spoken of in the terms we use for Pathfinder’s Golarion; AD&D’s Dark Sun, Planescape, and Al-Qadim; and Vampire the Masquerade’s World of Darkness. And Bruce Heard deserves pride of place in the company of Greenwood, Grubb, Weis, Hickman, and others of his era.

Heard showed us that simple rules didn’t mean a less complex world. Heard showed us that a few lines of monster description could be blown out to fill entire nations. Heard showed us that the cultural diversity of our own world could inspire our fictional ones. Most importantly, he showed that if you put in the work month after month, you could achieve amazing things. And he did it for a neglected fanbase of underdogs and windmill-tilters. He championed an audience and a world when no one else would.

“The Voyage of the Princess Ark” is also why I spent nearly seven years serving up monster ideas for another underdog fanbase. And the inspiration and work ethic I took from it is a big part of why I’m lucky enough to occasionally be freelancing on a professional basis today.

Three years isn’t a long time in fantasy fandom. If Elminster and Drizzt are Star Trek, perennially chugging along, and Harry Potter is Star Wars, a brilliant core surrounded by progressively less compelling follow-ups, then “The Voyage of the Princess Ark” is Firefly, a ragged crew whose sojourn was cut short, but whose legacy far outstrips its impact at the time.

Or at least, that’s the way its legacy ought to be.

Give “The Voyage of the Princess Ark” a try. Maybe I’m overselling it. Maybe years of nostalgia have painted a picture rosier than the original could ever live up to. Maybe, in an era where outstanding fantasy worlds and strong writing are almost commonplace, current readers can’t perceive the lightning-in-a-bottle magic that was this series.

Maybe. But I think there’s something more there, something perennial, something of value even when placed side by side with the embarrassment of riches that is Pathfinder 1e/2e and D&D 5e.

The only way you’ll know is if you book a berth on the Princess Ark and see for yourself.

Happy flying.

#daily bestiary #the dailybestiary #books of magic #pathfinder #paizo #3.5 #5e #dungeons & dragons #dungeons and dragons #d&d #dnd #BECMI #known world #mystara #the voyage of the princess ark #voyage of the princess ark #bruce heard

49 notes · View notes

veinereastath · 4 years

Text

Random vent time, since I have nothing to do today; and writing about things that are bothering is known to be helpful :”) A bit of rant about the Witcher (Aen Elle, guess what), feel free to scroll past it if it’s not your cup of tea. It may n0t even make sense or be productive, I felt just the need to to it, and tumblr is already a burning trashcan (that I still love somehow), I’m just adding some oil to it. Some spoilers ahead, from TW3 and Lady of The Lake.

1: Wild Hunt (I speak as per The Red Riders, not about the game title) in general was really poorly done (plot-wise), but at least CD Projekt Red admitted it was their fault and because of lack of time and resources. It happens, it’s fine, we still have books (... well, one [last one] book and about 30 pages in it, but damn, these are good pages). It’s been 5 years, it’s okay, we accepted it, many discussions were held on this account.

2: Wild Hunt may be done poorly, but Eredin himself got absolutely and devastatingly flattened to a pancake, while in the book he’s a juicy donut. No, right now I’m not talking look-wise (which isn’t that important anyways, I presume), but motivations and personality wise. That hurts more. Way more. Also, why make him kill Auberon on purpose? In the books it was accidental, and he himself was briefly shocked, but had to immediately return to his cold facade because capturing that goddamn escaping Ciri was the most important thing at the moment. Making him just a typical usurper was another reason to not see him as a good villain. The plot of TW3 could still be glorious if they actually stick to the “Auberon death was an accident, aphrodisiac + fisstech don’t work well together, it’s a fact” and Eredin became King as a natural way of things. Books never specified if he was actually the second in line for the throne, neither they say who actually became the King after Muircetach died, but it seems quite likely that it would be Glas. The whole idea of trying to open Ard Gaeth / beat the White Frost / invade the Witcher world would still make sense. And would be, of course, more interesting if CDPR would add those quests they had to scrap off for reasons I mentioned above [1]. For those not aware - there was one involving Geralt going undercover, trying to learn more about Caranthir and Hunt’s plans and it was supposed to be massive, but... <sad violin> Also, the “Eredin killed Auberon on purpose” could make sense if it was somewhere stated that it was Avallac’h’s manipulation, but then Corine’s vision doesn’t make sense. Remember that Auberon died with Ciri at this side, with her holding his hand [book-wise]. She’s nowhere to be seen in this vision, and if I remember correctly the oneiromancer’s visions could not be fabricated. Sad violin intensifies.

3: Well, I’m a trash so of course I have to mention this somehow. Witcher 3 really went too much into “[Eredin’s] face resembled a bird of prey” line from Lady of the Lake but quite forgot that he was still an elf. And, surprised pikachu, Ciri immediately upon meeting him got interested in him, which he was aware of. Despite the fact that he was insulting her constantly, she wanted something from him <wink wink, remember the scene in the alcove in Tir na Lia?> This should be a sign that he must’ve looked both dangerous and attractive at the same time. Attractive to the point where his insults were not able to totally douse her fascination. Eredin in Witcher 3 is perfect if you want to be terrified on spot. Though maybe they did it on purpose because they wanted to make a strong point that he’s the villain of the game, I don’t know. Also, making attractive elves is something they know how to do - Iorveth was pretty neat, the face features of elves in W3 are also really good (also god bless some normal sized elven ears, I can’t look at those big and long they have in Dragon Age for example). Avallac’h wasn’t portrayed exactly like he should (aquamarine eyes where? blonde hair where?) but he looked good, let’s admit it. Imlerith was quite-quite (though why THE FUCK is the poor guy bald, jeezus citrus). Okay, Ge’els is the symbol of Aen Elle glory and you can’t change my mind - they managed to create fantastic clothing, give him good, defined features, somehow predatory look (Eredin is crying in the corner) and quite a mature skin complexion with few blemishes here and there. And it was good, because it made him look natural, like he could genuinely exist, he wasn’t extraordinary perfect. I wanted to touch and feel his face so bad. Just oh god, the goth queen makeup, why? All Aen Elle are suffering from this condition. Well, male ones. The Aen Elle female in Crevan’s laboratory looks quite decent. Or they just didn’t want to change her model, since it is the same the Aen Seidhe female have in brothels, for example. 4: Ciri trusting Avallac’h and mentioning this trust at every occassion is... god, just no. I will try to describe her situation in Tir na Lia [from the book] in my own words: 1. Imagine that you’re running away from a man that was your captor [Bonhart] and used to torture you for weeks/months. During this escape you accidentaly find yourself in a foreign country, full of foreign people with their own language. They look different, they act different, they have different morals, everything, you name it. 2. One of those people [Avallac’h] is saying it’s a destiny that brought you here, and you have to pay the debt to all his people because your great grandfather from six [6] generations ago banged a girl they were literally creating for centuries. It’s your fault, pay for it, Ciri. 3. The man says that in order to pay that debt and be able to return to your country, you have to sleep with his boss and at the same time your great-great absolutely great grandfather from 7 generations ago [Auberon], because the mix of your genes and his genes will allow to extract some kind of gene that will make humanity immune to, I don’t know, Covid 19 for example. It’s the key to saving people, you have to do it. 4. Later you hear from this great-7 generation-grandfather that either you agree to this, or you will go into laboratory and they will forcefully take out your placenta (presumably). 5. Just to make you feel better, everyone in this foreign country is hostile towards you (passive-agressive is a better term, alright), so everyday you see this disgust on their faces. Not to mention that while Avallac’h is trying to play nice, Auberon didn’t manage to do it for long, while Eredin is straight forwardly describing you as a worthless being. <3

And she’s trusting him so much after that? Really? Now, I get that if you’re running away from mortal danger you will probably try to get every help you can, so I can somehow accept that she accepted Avallac’h’s protector role, but I don’t accept that she’s trusting him to such an extent. Why? Because trying to put a woman (or a man) in someone else’s bed fits the defitinion of rape perfectly. I find it hard to accept that she would be all “I trust him” after that. Not to mention that she was, I think, 16-17 years old at that time? I need to check this later... Okay, I’m done, sorry~ The only wish I have is that Netflix series will stay the hell out of any Aen Elle or Tir na Lia plotline. Please. I beg you. Don’t touch it. Don’t look at it. Leave it be, leave it to this one book, to this 30 pages, I absolutely beg you. I sense Witcher Netflix rant coming from me soon, woohooho~

Forever salty, forever sad

#god this was supposed to be entirely different post #it do be like that sometimes #don't get me wrong #Witcher 3 slaps and it's the game of the decade AT LEAST #in my opinion of course #but there are mistakes as they always are #and I'm just... frustrated #wiedźmin

2 notes · View notes

is-it-madness · 4 years

Text

My Glorious Purpose | Loki x OC Chapter 2

A/N:Thank you to everyone who has read my first chapter! You are the reason I will keep posting! 💜

Pairing: Loki x OC (Tera Digitalis)

Word Count: 2k+

Warnings: None in this chapter :)

Chapter 2: The Interrogation

(Tera's POV)

As soon as Tony leaves, I see the man who Tony called out quickly return to his game. Natasha gets up to leave, I follow her.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

She simply replies, "Interrogation."

"I thought you got everything you needed from Georgi Luchkov."

"No, I mean our new prisoner."

I stop in my path. "Do you think that's a good idea? I mean he's a powerful being. He can read minds, create illusions, he's a skilled magician!"

She turns to look at me, a smile forming on her lips. I know that look. It usually means I gave her an idea—one that I would not like.

"Yes, it's a good idea. And since you know so much about him, you're coming with me."

I pale. I knew I wasn't going to like her idea.

Natasha takes me by the hand. "Don't worry, кроли. You can just watch, you don't have to say anything. And besides, you've been saying how much you wanted to see me do interrogations, right?"

I smile softly at Natasha's name for me. She started calling me that when we first met. She says my small build and bounce in my step reminded her of a bunny.

"I do want to see one of your interrogations! I just didn't think it would be with the God of Mischief."

She just laughs and pulls me along the hall with her. Before we enter, she places a finger to her lips, telling me to be quiet. I nod. She presses her thumb on the keypad and scans her eye. The doors open and we enter. We see Loki pacing his cell. The first thing I notice is how tall he is. Six feet at least, a giant indeed. He is wearing green and gold battle armor, and his hair is as dark as an inky black sky. He stops his pacing.

"Hm."

He turns to face us, and I'm shocked to see that he is smiling.

"There's not many people that can sneak up on me."

"But you figured I'd come." Natasha answers him.

"After. After whatever tortures Fury can concoct, you would appear as a friend, as a balm. And I would cooperate," he says, still smiling.

I glance at Natasha, she's unfazed by anything he says and gets right to the point.

"I wanna know what you've done to Agent Barton."

"I'd say I've expanded his mind," Loki says, innocently.

Natasha tilts her head and takes several steps closer to the cage.

"And once you've won. Once you're king of the mountain. What happens to his mind?" she asks, crossing her arms. I stay back, letting Natasha continue her interrogation.

Loki gives her a smile. "Is this love, Agent Romanoff?"

"Love is for children. I owe him a debt," she says.

Loki takes several steps back to sit on the bench in his cage and gestures. "Tell me."

Natasha licks her lips and unfolds her arms. "Before I worked for S.H.I.E.L.D., I uh well, I made a name for myself," she began while she sat herself on a chair. "I have a very specific skill set. I didn't care who I used it for, or on. I got on S.H.I.E.L.D.'s radar in a bad way. Agent Barton was sent to kill me, he made a different call."

Loki was looking down while Natasha was speaking, but when she finished, he looks up at her.

"And what will you do if I vow to spare him?"

"Not let you out," She say with a smile.

Loki leans forward, with his arms resting on his leg, a smile plastered on his face.

"Ah, no. But I like this. Your world in the balance, and you bargain for one man?"

"Regimes fall everyday. I tend not to weep over that, I'm Russian, or I was."

"And what are you now?" he asks her.

Natasha stands, refolds her arms, and walks closer to Loki, "It's really not that complicated. I got red in my ledger. I'd like to wipe it out."

"Can you?" he asks, "Can you wipe out that much red? Drakov's daughter? Sao Paulo? The hospital fire?" He stood and began walking towards Natasha. "Barton told me everything. Your ledger is dripping, it's gushing red, and you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything?"

There is a look of horror on Natasha's face. I want to go to her, comfort her, but I couldn't. I know she wouldn't want me to. She had told me to just watch. I'm not allowed to do more. I knew Natasha's story. She had shared hers when I was scared to share mine.

Loki continues, "This is the basest sentimentality. This is a child, a prayer. Pathetic. You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code‒ something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you, and they will never go away!"

Loki slams his fist against the glass. Natasha and I jump back.

"I won't touch Barton! Not until I make him kill you. Slowly, intimately, in every way he knows you fear."

I can see the fear written all over her face as Loki growls at her.

"And then he'll wake just long enough to see his good work,"

She turns away from Loki in horror.

"And when he screams I'll split his skull! This is my bargain, you mewling quim!

Natasha hangs her head, and I can hear her crying.

"You're a monster!"

Loki grins at her menacingly, "Oh, no. You brought the monster."

I snap my attention towards Loki. Natasha lifts her head and turns to face him. I notice her face is completely dry. Oh, she's good.

"So, Banner? That's your play," she asks him.

"What?" He's confused. Natasha made him believe he had the upper hand which allowed him to give up his own play. Smart. Using the "women are helpless" card. One of the many reasons why I love Natasha.

Natasha starts to walk out of the room. I follow her.

She begins speaking into her earpiece, "Loki means to unleash the Hulk. Keep Banner in the lab, I'm on my way. Send Thor as well."

She turns towards me, "I'm going to need you to stay here with him."

"What? Why? Why me?"

"Cause you know what he is capable of. You know his powers better than anyone. Except Thor and we need him in the lab with Dr. Banner. Don't worry. You won't be down here for long. I'll get you as soon as we work this out."

I nod. She begins to walk out before turning around to face Loki.

"Thank you for your cooperation."

She turns and leaves.

I stand several feet away from the cage, with my back turned and arms folded.

Okay, I think to myself. I can do this, it's just standing guard. It's not that big of a deal. It's literally just standing. A thought occurs to me. Please don't let him talk to me!

"Don't you know that it is rude to have your back facing another?"

Shoot.

Don't you know it's rude to try and take over planets? Or were you not taught that in your etiquette class?

He laughs, "No, I do not believe I was ever taught that."

Dammit, Tera! You know he can read minds!

"Is that your name?" he asks me, with my back still facing him. "I wish to converse with you face-to-face, Tera, like civilized people."

Okay just don't think about anything! He can't read my mind if I'm not thinking anything, I try to convince myself.

He laughs again. "Please." he says, "I can do much more than hear your thoughts mortal girl. I can dive into your subconscious, I can learn your greatest fears and deepest secrets. And I will do so if you do not face me!"

I sigh in defeat. I slowly turn around to face him, but I keep my eyes downcast.

"Look at me."

"Or what?"

"Hmm. I think I will kill you myself when the Chitauri invade."

I snap my head to him, afraid.

"That's better," he says with a smirk.

He goes back to sitting on his bench and gestures for me to sit where Natasha had been.

"I prefer to stand," I tell him coldly.

He smiles and bows his head in understanding. "You wish to remain standing to keep your guard up, yes? I will respect this decision child."

I ball up my fists. Child?!? This is the third time today I've been called one, but I don't say anything in response.

"Since Agent Romanoff has completed her interrogation with me, perhaps I can ask you questions."

I frown at him. "You aren't going to be getting any answers from me."

He just chuckles. "No, no. You misunderstand. I simply want to ask about you."

I look at him in disbelief. "Me?"

"Yes, you. You may answer my questions to the best of your ability, and if you choose not to answer, I will respect that decision."

"What's going to stop you from reading my mind?" I ask, weary of what he's trying to do.

"I admire your skepticism mortal, but fear not. You have my word that I will not make any attempt to read your thoughts."

"Okay," I say quietly. " Can I think about it for a sec?"

"By all means."

I begin to pace, I can feel his eyes watching me. He said he wanted to ask questions about me, so that wouldn't compromise S.H.I.E.L.D. in any way. But what if he asks me questions I don't want to answer? He did say I don't have to answer if I don't want to. And reading my mind? I didn't exactly trust him just because he gave me his word. He is a criminal. But I'm curious to know what he wants to ask me, and besides, Natasha would be back soon. This is the only time I'll ever be alone with him, and it would only be for a few minutes.

I turn to face him. He was watching me with an intent look in his eyes.

"Have you made up your mind?" he asks me.

"Yes. You can ask me some questions, but remember, I don't have to answer if I don't want to and you can't read my mind. Agreed?"

He nods his head.

"Okay, what your first question?"

"Your first name is Tera, yes?"

I nod.

"I notice you became annoyed when I called you a child. Is this true?"

"Yes."

"Well if you are not a child, how old are you?"

I became suspicious. "What will you gain by knowing how old I am?"

He smiles, "I will learn that you are not a child."

I glare at him before giving my answer, "I'm 19."

He continues smiling. "Yes, I suppose you are not a child."

"Humph."

"Alright, here's another question. How did you know I was able to read your mind? And what did Agent Romanoff mean when she said you know me better than anyone here besides the oaf?"

I smile to myself. "Well, before I met you and Thor, I believed you were myths, legends, stories of old. When I was younger, I was fascinated by mythology. Greek, Roman, Egyptian, Norse," I say giving him a pointed look. "I would try to learn anything and everything that had to do with mythology. I guess you could say it was a hobby," I shrug. "I was always reading. Any chance that I got, any free time I had, I would use it to read. Still do actually," I say with a small smile.

I look up at Loki. He holds my gaze. I quickly look away, feeling heat rising to my face.

What in the world?! I scold myself. He's a villain! Why are you blushing?

I'm brought out of my thoughts when I hear him laughing.

Oh great! He read my thoughts! I knew I shouldn't have trusted him!

"Perhaps you and I are not so different, Tera."

I scoff, "I'm sorry, what?"

"We are intellectuals, you and I. We both indulge in the joys of reading."

"Oh."

Oh, thank God! He wasn't reading my thoughts. Okay get yourself together! No more slip ups.

"What else do you know about me?"

"Oh, um, well you can read minds, cast illusions and spells, shapeshift, you have super strength. Yeah that's pretty much all I know." I actually know more about him. His past, his parents, crimes he's committed. But I decide now is not the best time to mention them.

"Shame," he says. "I liked hearing you list off all my abilities. They sound better coming from a mortal."

I look at him confused.

He sighs, "I was jesting. Do you mortals engage in this past time? Based on all the people I have met so far, I would think not."

I laugh. "You haven't exactly given a reason for us to joke with you."

He smiles, "No, I suppose not."

"Do you have any other questions for me?"

Loki hesitates before opening his mouth to speak, "Do you have any family?"

The smile vanishes from my face. "I don't wish to answer that question," I say quietly.

He nods, "I understand," he pauses. "I have enjoyed this chat of ours."

I give him a small smile. "Glad to know that we bonded," I tell him sarcastically. "Now I'm sure you're going to continue taking Earth over."

He chuckles, "You're not wrong."

I see him start muttering under his breath.

"What are you doing?" I ask, taking several steps away from the cage.

Loki waves his hand and I suddenly feel faint. I drop to the floor, heavy and unable to lift myself up. I can barely see him come to the edge of his cage.

He crouches and tells me, "For someone who knows so much about me, you should have known that I would be able to use my magic on you."

I'm able to whisper, "I hate you," before passing out. But before I do, I see a look in Loki's eyes. I'm confused because it looks, sad? No, it looks almost regretful.

Part 3

#loki #loki x oc #avengers #loki laufeyson #loki fanfic #marvel #mcu #loki odinson #marvel fanfiction

15 notes · View notes