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#like sure you can play it off as relating to the scene but that's low
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thinking about carlos mumbling 'can't let go of a bad relationship' with tk stood right next to him like bro
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mrs-bucky-barnes106 · 9 months
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☆。.:*・゚ Sweet Nothings 。.:*・゚☆
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pairing: tfatws!bucky x baker!reader
warning: fluff, multiple mentions of cake, mentions of Bucky with children
a/n: Ahhh I had this idea before going to bed and literally stayed up two hours working on it. I finished it this morning, and I've gotta stay I'm proud of my commitment because I usually take at least a month to finish a fanfiction. Hopefully, there's more where this came from. P.S. I'm not a baker, so I'm sorry if I fudged any details. Feedback is always appreciated but please be kind. Likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated but no reposting without credit <3
word count: 1.6k
summary: Reader is a baker and Bucky gets a cake from her to take to Sam's picnic party on the docks (scene from tfatws).
☆。.:*・゚
The bell jingled as Bucky entered Sweet Nothings, the bakery you had started from the ground up. He was instantly enveloped by the sweet scent of baked goods from the array of desserts neatly displayed in the glass case by the counter. Underneath the sugar, he smelled the new chai latte you had just added to the menu. It had been an instant hit, totally trumping the one at Starbucks that everyone raved about. Chai had been a nostalgic drink for you and a completely new one for Bucky. He now had an affinity for it, however, and asked for it every time he entered the shop after you made him the first honorary taste tester of the drink. Now, the shop was bustling since it was happy hour.
Soft music played in the background. Bucky recognized the voice of Taylor Swift, one of your favorite artists. She was one of Bucky's favorites now too. You had impeccable taste, and any song you loved became his favorite. The album that was currently playing was Midnights, the one you had told Bucky he was most like. He loved that about you, how you would associate things like albums and songs with him. It made his heart swell, knowing you thought about him in relation to music, which had a special place in your heart.
You were nowhere in sight, so he assumed you were in the back checking on your bread dough. Bucky approached the barrier that led to the backroom for employees and pushed the door open, hoping to surprise you while you were working. Once he entered, he found you bent over your proving drawer, checking on a fluffy batch of bread dough. He tiptoed up to you and grabbed your waist, lifting you off your feet and causing you to let out a yelp of surprise. Bucky spun you around, chuckling at your reaction (what did he expect when he literally attacked you with a bear hug from behind?).
Finally, he set you down on your feet and spun you around to face him. His eyes were crinkled with laugh lines as he took in your disheveled form. Your hair was in a low messy bun with a few strands astray in the front. You donned a cream-colored beret and a blue long-sleeve over which you had on your cheeky apron that read "Kiss the Cook." It was, of course, gifted to you by none other than your doting boyfriend. A light dusting of flour over your entire being gave you an angelic glow. In Bucky's eyes, you looked more heavenly than all of the desserts in your shop combined.
You blew your hair out of your eyes and crossed your arms over your chest before attempting to glare at Bucky. You didn't last long, however, as his sheepish grin caused you to look down, so he wouldn’t catch you smiling.
“You shouldn’t sneak up on me,” you admonished him half-heartedly. “Bakers can be dangerous when startled, you know.”
“Sure, doll,” Bucky still had on that cheeky grin. “I don’t know about dangerous, though. Former assassin here, remember?” He pointed at himself with his index fingers as if you didn't already know. "I think I can handle a blow from a rolling pin." He picked up the nearest tool his hand landed on, which, unfortunately for him, was a basting brush, making his joke fall flat. He sheepishly put the brush away as you tried not to laugh.
You gave him a warning look before turning your back to him and smiling wide. You may pretend to be annoyed by his antics, but they truly brought joy to your heart and brightened up your bland days. You loved your job, but you loved your man most of all.
“I’ve got the cake ready for Sam’s. Just gotta put the finishing touches on it. Did you bring the Oreos, baby boy?”
You turned around to find his face in yours. Had it been anyone else, you would’ve found it incredibly infuriating. But with Bucky, it left you blushing to your core.
He wrapped his arms around you and held up the blue plastic box. “Right here, sweetheart.”
It was a generic nickname that every single boyfriend in the history of the world had called his girlfriend at some point. But somehow, it was almost erotic coming from his plush pink lips with that deep timbre. You sometimes wondered if Bucky knew the effect he had on you.
“Thank you,” was all you trusted yourself to say as you took the box of cookies from him and started peeling off the plastic cover. You moved away from him and carefully placed six cookies on the cake, one on each of the iced rosettes on the border.
“Alright, Buck, I think it’s ready for the party. Lemme just get a box for it, and we’ll be on our way.”
Bucky smiled as he watched you tenderly place the plastic casing on the cake as if it was your baby. In a way, it was, along with all of your other creations.
“Alrighty then, doll,” Bucky grabbed the cake in his gloved flesh hand, then put his metal arm around your shoulders, pulling you in to plant a kiss on your temple. “Thank you so much for making this, baby cakes.”
You turned pink hearing him use your favorite nickname of all time. “Oh, it’s nothing,” you mumbled bashfully, suddenly shy again in the crook of his arm.
“It’s a Sweet Nothing, which means it’s the opposite of nothing. Doll, this cake is quite literally everything to me.”
“Buckyyy,” you playfully swatted him away. Sure, you were proud of your work, but you still got flustered when people complimented you, especially your boyfriend, who took every chance to make you feel like you were the biggest star in his world.
You eased yourself out of his embrace momentarily to hunt down your assistant. “Lemme just tell Nico to take over the closing shift tonight.”
Bucky nodded and waited patiently by the door for you to rejoin him. You returned and looped your arm around his waist to steer him out of your shop.
☆。.:*・゚
Bucky drove the both of you from the bakery to the docks in his pickup. You held the cake securely in your lap with your right hand and entwined your left with Bucky's. When you arrived, you let go of his hand and moved to open the door, but Bucky reached over you to close it again. Then he climbed out of the truck and rushed to open your door.
"M'lady," you rolled your eyes at him but couldn't help smiling as he took the cake from you so you could climb out of the car. He shut your door behind you, then took off with the cake balanced precariously in his flesh hand.
"Bucky! Be careful!" Your cries were drowned out by Sam's nephews, who were happily trailing Bucky at the sight of the cake. They tried play-fighting with him, pretending to punch him in the face, to which Bucky pretended to stagger backward from the force of impact.
You sighed and let the corners of your mouth lift as you watched your lover boy, totally enamored by his way with children.
Bucky ran to the nearest picnic table and finally placed the cake down safely. You let out a breath of relief you didn't realize you had been holding in and walked over to him.
☆。.:*・゚
Bucky returned to entertaining the kids a little while after everyone had eaten. He stood atop a picnic table, talking to you and Sarah with his metal arm extended out. Sam's nephew and his friend hung off of Bucky's arm. You were trying your hardest to concentrate on what he told you about his days in the Navy, but you couldn't help giggling softly at the sight of him effortlessly holding up two children using only one of his arms.
When you could finally steal a moment alone with him, you handed him a beer and tugged his arm to lead him to the pier's edge. You plopped down and let your feet dangle, the bottoms of your boots grazing the water's surface. After a moment, Bucky crouched down to join you. He scooted closer so his thigh was pressed up against yours. He put his arm around you, and you sighed softly, leaning into his shoulder and staring at the setting sun. Nose pressed against Bucky's shoulder, you inhaled, reveling in the warm scent of freshly-cut pine and the sweet undertones of amber and musky vanilla.
You leaned up to wrap your arms around his shoulder, suddenly needing to be closer to him than you already were. He seemed to understand and gently twisted to the side, snaking one arm around your lower back and using the other to bring your legs into his lap. You moved in to kiss him tenderly. Your hands were in his hair, his hands were on your hips, and everything felt perfect at that moment. You could still taste the Oreo cake on his breath, and you broke away from the kiss slowly, smiling all the while. Bucky returned your smile warmly as you turned to look at the sunset.
Bucky watched it paint your face the most gorgeous shade of pink and thanked his lucky stars at that moment. Somehow, life had brought you to him. He had never thought of himself as fortunate, but he was ecstatic now that you were in his arms, and he damn sure was never going to let go of this beautiful thing he had with you. He pressed his lips to your forehead and tightened his hold on you, whispering sweet nothings into your ear.
☆。.:*・゚
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i-hate-accidents · 14 days
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i hate accidents: the between
femme!reader x benedict bridgerton, femme!reader & the bridgerton family, femme!reader & penelope featherington
summary:  the adventures of a working class femme who befriends a fellow writer, a boisterous family, and a bewitching second eldest son
sections:  I. the beginning / II. the between / III. the ball
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y/n:  bipoc, she/her, afab, nonbinary femme, queer, working class, of immigrant parents
content warnings:  classism, mentions of financial survival, microaggressive sexism, microaggressive gender assumption, intersectional low self-image of y/n, positive/supportive families, retelling of recurrent microaggressive homophobic experience with y/n’s family member in [II.vi], short description of almost throwing up (not related to low self-image) in [II.vii]
word count:  9.1k (of 38.8k)
story context:  everything in s1 and s2 of the tv series is canon for this story except for the s2 epilogue with the bridgertons.  this story takes place leading up to and into the 1815 season. 
additional notes:  this story is incomplete. scenes that are not written are described in chevrons <> with third person pov or are delineated by isolated ellipses. additionally, the author has only watched s2!  she has not watched any of s1 aside from clips, and they have not read the books aside from quotes used in edits.  they have not yet watched queen charlotte.  the author kinda knows the gist of an offer from a gentleman; they are familiar with sophie beckett (and are excited to meet her/them in the tv series!).
author’s note:  this is the first time the author has written fanfic in 13-15 years.  :)  it is her hope that they have made some progress since her pre/teens.  additionally, this fanfic has been written, on and off, over the course of two years.  the author sincerely hopes you find some sort of joy in it, especially the readers who maybe hope to see themself a little more specifically in the world we so love.
tagged: @omgsuperstarg @bedobeeeee @stvrdustalexx @anisas-nonsense @crazymar15 and all who have liked the story so far: the author extends her gratitude for your engagement with the first section. <3
𝄆 ⚘ ✸ II.i ✸ ⚘ 𝄇
“have i told you that you are the best model who has ever sat for me?”
it has become a common occurrence.  whenever you read while in the drawing room, benedict asks if you can be his model for his hand studies.  you oblige, seeing how you are already so still while reading aside from the occasional page turn, and—more so—you want to support how benedict progresses in his craft.  today, you and benedict are sat at a table as hyacinth plays a solitary game of cards on the floor and kathani and anthony sit at a couch with some delicious smelling tea.  you had come over to meet eloise and penelope first thing but were soon informed that the two young ladies were still at the markets with colin.  that made you smile; your loud friend is, no doubt, inserting herself emotionally and physically in between your two friends in love.
you feel yourself scrunch your eyebrows at benedict’s comment.
“surely you are exaggerating.”
“hyacinth was my last model; she was horrific.”
you hear an aghast gasp and do nothing to hide the amusement in your smile.
“it is difficult to sit still!”  the youngest bridgerton yells.  
“hyacinth, it is not becoming of a young lady to ye— ow!”
you see somewhat in your periphery how kathani puts the hand she used to thwack her husband’s arm back on her teacup handle, smiling.  benedict, in the meantime, groans and seems to be focusing even more intently on his sketch as not to make eye contact with his youngest sister.
“yes, i understand it is difficult, but you did not sit still for even eight seconds.”
you have not shifted your position in the past half hour or so as not to ruin the angle of your hand for benedict; but you need not visual confirmation to already know that hyacinth has rolled her eyes in response to her brother and returned to her game.
“well, what about the art academy?”  you continue.  “there must have been very good models there for you to draw.”
and very beautiful ones, at that.
“it is true, there were; but,” you see him smile as he smudges his paper, “none are comparable to you.”
you feel your cheeks light aflame and, with a cough, focus even more intently on your passage.
“then i ought to give up on my profession as a basket weaver and put in my request as a model at the art academy.”
“you do realize that you would have to pose—” you see how he pauses his drawing, looking to see where the youngest is in the room, and lowers his voice as he leans forward towards you; (you attempt not to roll your eyes), ”—nude, in order to be a model there, y/n.”
“yes, and what issue is there with that?”
you look away from your passage to benedict to make a point with your stare and are startled to see how startled benedict looks, the familiar ocean of his eyes almost entirely gone and replaced by the black of his pupils.
“nothing.  there is no issue.  no issue at——” he coughs, scratching the back of his ear, no doubt smudging it with charcoal, “would you like to see my progress so far?”
𝄆 ⚘ ✸ II.ii ✸ ⚘ 𝄇
< in the gardens of number five.  penelope, eloise, hyacinth, and gregory are adventurers looking to save the princess benedict from the banshee y/n.
< hidden behind a hedge, y/n and benedict bicker. >
“you are a middle child on a technicality, benedict.”
“what is that supposed to mean?”
“you have seven siblings.  anthony the eldest, hyacinth the youngest—and everyone in between simply a middle child?  you all could not be more different from one another, and you are at the very top; you are practically an eldest child.”
“i’ll have you know that no one, myself included, sees me as such.”
“i’m familiar.  an eldest sibling with a penchant for peculiar tea is not one i would describe with an overwhelming sense of duty.”
“how do you know of that?”
“kathani told me.  she recounted to me her first dinner with the family and how transcendently in the most literal sense you had behaved.”
“so you two talk of me?”
you feel the tips of your ears heat, but fortunately your hair hides your embarrassment sufficiently.  you roll your eyes.
“is that what you gleaned?  do not think too deeply about it.”
“i shall think about it deeply and often,”  he states with a twinkle in his eyes.  in an attempt to ignore your fluster and flutterings, you roll your eyes again and shove him.  he laughs, his nose scrunching and eyes crinkling adorably whenever he is truly delighted.  despite your best efforts (you put in no effort), you smile at him.  it cannot be helped when you are around benedict.
“now, make haste; hyacinth is about to cast a spell, and she needs a princess to save.  may i grasp your arm?”
“grasp my what?”
“your arm!  i need to pretend as if i am holding you captive, but i am not simply going to take hold of it without permission.”
“how chivalrous of you.”
“i suppose i’ve learned from a sufficient enough gentleman.”
benedict grins and offers his arm.
“i am yours for the taking.”
it is preposterous how much this man makes you want to roll your eyes.  and how much you welcome it.  in the moment, however, you refrain yourself and, instead, smile at him in return as you yank yourselves both out of the hedge to be seen by the others.
𝄆 ⚘ ✸ II.iii ✸ ⚘ 𝄇
< on a morning before she is off to number five, y/n realizes that her last remaining skirt still needs to be cleaned after she had spilt a bottle of ink on it.  (she was devastated by losing so much writing material and money in one fell swoop.)  she had been so preoccupied with work that she had forgotten to clean it. 
< in a rush, she looks throughout her house for extra skirts but to no avail; the only thing she finds that she can wear is a pair of trousers from when her father was younger.  she finds this suitable enough, puts them on, and runs off to bridgerton house.
< upon arriving at the drawing room wearing trousers, y/n hears a choking sound. she looks over and sees that benedict has somehow spilt tea all over himself.  as the bridgerton family makes comments of curiosity and support of y/n’s current attire, benedict excuses himself, y/n hearing how he mumbles that he needs to change his clothes.
< after some time, benedict returns, but y/n notices that, aside from removing his coat, he still wears the clothes he was in.  she remarks to herself:  how can he have been gone for long enough but still be in the same clothes? >  
𝄆 ⚘ ✸ II.iv ✸ ⚘ 𝄇
you gasp.
“wait!”
you do not wait to hear a response from your companions; you right about turn, swing open the door to number five, and run into the house, straight towards the drawing room.
“benedict!” you shout, “you must come see!”
“wha—“
you grab his hand, pulling him up from his slouched lounge.
“quickly!  you must make haste!”
adrenaline and joy rushing in your veins, you lead benedict out of the drawing room and towards the entrance where, upon returning, you see giles, with a large beam on his face, holding open the door.  you laugh, shooting him a quick nod and grin of your gratitude, and bring benedict outside, pass penelope and colin, pass the gates of bridgerton house, towards the road, and halt yourself and benedict in place.  
you shoot your forefinger outward, pointing towards the sky, your grin ever growing.
“look!”
benedict has been looking at you incredulously, as if you’ve completely lost your mind, and perhaps you have, but you’d be damned if you got to see this and benedict hadn’t.  he shifts his gaze and grin from you towards the sky, and as you had expected, as you had hoped, his expression transforms from gleeful confusion into complete awe.
“see?  it is just like your palette of ideas!  the oranges, the reds, the yellows, the purples, the pinks.  here it all is, made by mother nature herself, and you have already managed to capture the hues in the pigments of your paints!”  laughter bubbles out of you.  ���it is amazing!  you are amazing!”
you hear a soft buzz in your ear, causing you to turn towards the familiar sound.  a bumblebee swirls about your head, and it makes you giggle.  you always had a fondness for the sweet creatures; how wonderous one has come to greet you at such a moment!  the bee lands on your nose, as if to give you a kiss, causing you to giggle even more, before it departs and flies off into the sky.
as you stare at your departing friend, as you stare into the sorcerous colors of the sunset, as your smile feels permanent in this moment, you ask benedict,
“isn’t it beautiful?”
“yes.”
you turn to benedict, expecting to see his side profile tilted towards the sky when, instead, you connect with his ocean eyes.  gazing at you.  
your smile fades away as you quietly suck in air through your nose.  you feel a soft caress at your hand, and looking down, you see that you are still holding hands with benedict, him gently rubbing the side of your hand with his thumb.  you look back up, and with indecipherable ocean eyes and a soft smile on his lips, he still gazes at you.  butterflies flutter maddeningly within you.  the way he looks at you, it makes you feel scared.  but you’d be damned if you allowed your fear to tear yourself away from benedict.  so, instead, you smile back and gently rub the side of his hand with your thumb too.
“well!”
you and benedict reel back from one another, letting go of one another’s hands.  as you feel the loss of his touch, you whip your head towards the voice and see a smirking colin, by the side of a smiling penelope, both approaching the two of you.  
“while i hate to get in the way of two— friends in the midst of a conversation, i must fulfill my duties and escort miss featherington to her home.”
you roll your eyes as you promptly ignore the fire that burns on your cheeks.
“you rich people and your escortings.  penelope lives across the way!  she would have already been home if you would have let her, colin.”
“yes, that is true,” pipes up penelope, “but then i would have missed out on such a beautiful sight,” and instead of gesturing at the sunset as her words imply, she keeps her eyes locked on you and benedict.
menaces.  i am friends with menaces.
with smugness in their smiles and delight in their eyes, penelope and colin nod their heads in farewell.  as they move past, you feel a soft squeeze on the side of your arm and see penelope giving you a wink.  you stare off at the couple, penelope featherington and colin bridgerton, your absolute menaces of friends who have left you and benedict stunned in spot.
benedict.
benedict!
you turn your head to face him.  he must have realized at the same moment as you, for you are greeted by an equally speechless expression.  feeling yourself staring into his ocean eyes a moment too long, you cough and look away.
“right, i suppose— i, going— i should be going.”
“of course— yes, that is— right, yes, very good—— not!  you going!  you going is not— not good!  i— we— are more than glad to let you stay!— not let you, but!  but have you stay with—— us!  stay with us!—”
“benedict,” feeling the instinct to touch his hand again, you hesitate and, instead, touch the side of his arm.  you offer him a smile to his (adorably) flustered state.  “i understand what you are trying to convey.”
he huffs out a breath and smiles warily in return, and it is truly absurd how beautiful he is when his suave falls away.  when he takes off the façade he performs to the world and is just himself.  not a bridgerton, not a second eldest son, not a gentleman.  just— 
benedict.  
the one you—— care for.  
the one you care for.
the one i care for.
“thank you, y/n,” you hear him say, “for sharing this with me.”
“of course.  you were first to come to mind when i saw it.”
“shall i— shall i escort you home?”
you snort, inadvertently breaking whatever odd energy has grown between the two of you, and he grins in response.
“goodness, no.  i am fully capable of walking there myself.  besides, it is too far from here, unlike miss featherington,” you intonate the last of your words with mockery.  you will battle colin bridgerton one day.
“i enjoy a long walk.  and with such a beautiful sight, it would be much more a blessing than a burden.”
“daylight is fastly fading; the sunset will not last another eight minutes.”
“yes, the sunset.  because that is what i was referring to,” he says as he stares at you with a lopsided grin.
rolling your eyes, and feeling the violent flutterings in your stomach, you shove benedict by his shoulder, which causes him to laugh and throw his hand up in mock surrender.
“good evening, benedict,” you finalize as you walk away, a smile quickly forming on your lips once out of his sight.
“good evening, y/n,” and you hear the smile in his voice.
𝄆 ⚘ ✸ II.v ✸ ⚘ 𝄇
“it is here!”
you had just begun to cross your writing when you look up and see kathani enter the drawing room, paper in hand.
“what’s here?” you inquire.  the viscountess smiles.
“perhaps you should be the first to see,” and she hands you the sheet.
taking it into your hands, you are immediately struck by the ornate illustrations of flowers and foliage ornamenting the borders—they are printed on! rather than hand drawn.  you run your fingers against the paper to test your observation.  you’ve only seen such a feat in the books you’ve borrowed from the bridgertons, so it impresses you (though perhaps it shouldn’t surprise me, you remark to yourself) that kathani has found a press to accomplish this feat for her printing. 
you then take in the lettering and read,
a ball in titania’s garden court
“come, now a roundel and a fairy song.”
the company of
is requested at bridgerton house, number 5 in grosvenor square, on thursday evening, jul. 6, 1815 at 9 o’clock p. m.
“you helped inspire the theme,” kathani remarks.  you look up from the paper to her; her eyes are intently on you.
“me?  how so?”
“with our reading of his work, and our conversations with eloise and penelope, he was naturally on my mind when planning for the ball.”
you beam.
“how wondrous!  your first ball in the city, and you are bringing the fairies to it,” you turn to the others. “you must tell me how it goes!  i’d be delighted to hear what the dresses were like, with the theme and all, and if any larks ensued.” 
you note to yourself how penelope will likely know of all of the latter far better than any of the bridgertons, but it would be intriguing, nevertheless, to hear their perspectives.  you turn to the viscountess once more, “it is a brilliant idea, kathani.  i’m honored to have had some part in it.”
you see her open her mouth in response—
“oh good!” 
—when you hear anthony’s voice at the entrance of the drawing room.  
“you’ve accepted!  that is wonderful news.”
you furrow your eyebrows as he approaches.
“accepted?”
“the invitation.  to the ball.”
“what?”  
anthony looks around the room to his family and then back to you.
“i— am beginning to think that is not what you were responding to.”
“how quick of you, brother,” deadpans colin.
“i have just entered!”
“and have proceeded to make a fool of yourself,” eloise counters.
“it’s appropriate for the theme, really,” colin turns to kathani.  “sister, perhaps you might change the dress to costumes?  anthony would make an excellent bottom to your titania.”
“i am—” you start, “still lost.” 
kathani gently nods her head to the paper in your hand.  you look down again.  previously neglecting it for the printed words and illustrations, you now read what is clearly in the viscountess’s handwriting between ‘the company of’ and ‘is requested’:
miss y/n y/l/n.
“this is an invitation.  for me.”
you look up from the invitation and are greeted by kathani, and the rest of the bridgerton family at number five, expectantly staring at you.
“but—— but—”
“now, i understand that this might be quite overwhelming,” begins kathani, “but after speaking with the family, we all agreed that it would be most wondrous if you were to attend the ball.  we would make certain that you felt prepared, beforehand, with lessons in dance and etiquette, hence why i’ve prepared the invitations earlier than customary.” 
“not!  to assume that you are not already competent in these,” adds colin.  “you certainly have more grace than eloise— ow!”  and he rubs the part of his arm eloise just smacked. 
“but if it would appease your mind,” violet interjects, “and help with your concurrence, then we would be more than elated to offer them, and to do them with you.”
“your attire would be paid for,” anthony states simply, “and we would pay the business of your employment their missed earnings for the days in which you will be preparing for the ball and resting from the event’s happenings.  and, if you shall allow it, we would support you and your family from your abstained days of wages.”
“balls are dreadful,” asserts eloise, “but!” she continues swiftly, and exasperatedly, upon seeing her family’s reaction, “with your presence, this one would certainly be more bearable.  pleasant!, even.”
“we,” hyacinth gestures to herself and gregory, “cannot attend the ball, but we will help you in any way we can before then!”
“and we will be there on the morning and afternoon of, if you would like!” gregory exclaims. 
kathani was wrong.  
this is not quite overwhelming.  this is overwhelmingly overwhelming. 
you do not even know where to begin in processing all of the information with which you have just been bombarded.  the wages, the etiquette, the paying, the attire, the dancing, the days off, the ball itself.
but what strikes you most of all—
“you all… agreed?  of wanting me at the ball?”
you look around the drawing room.  your friends’ countenances are illuminated with beams.  all, but one.  you turn to him.  he was the only one not to have stated his case in the family’s proposal. 
before you can start to ruminate on the implications of such, he offers you a smile.  small, but enough for those stupid, stupefying butterflies to flutter within.
“we did,” benedict says.  “we do.”
you exhale.
“then,” though weary from the turn of this day, you offer a small smile in return, to benedict, to the family, “then yes.  i shall go to the ball.”
hyacinth and gregory nearly knock you over in the chair you’re sat in by the sheer power of their hugs.  violet, clapping her hands, laughs with delight at the sight.  eloise exclaims something about penelope finding out.  anthony states he shall begin the ledger.  colin, for whatever reason, starts talking about the cakes that will be there.  kathani remarks that there is much to do and that she, and all of the family, will be there every step of the way.
and benedict smiles.  still small.  still enough.  with those damned ocean eyes.
i shall never understand the absurdity that is this family.
and how delighted you are by that.  how grateful you are for them.
𝄆 ⚘ ✸ II.vi ✸ ⚘ 𝄇
“your rehearsal partners will be myself and gregory,” states the viscount.
you try to withhold your sigh.  you have been dreading this day since kathani first told you of it.  you are utterly delighted to be a student under the tutelage of the viscountess; you are utterly petrified of being a dance student.
“and why do benedict and i not have the privilege to dance with y/n?”
it also does not quell your petrification that the entirety of number five has decided to be present for your lessons.
“because, colin, you two are unmarried men; i am a married one; and gregory is a child.”
“i have just entered my adolescent years!”
“precisely,” anthony grins, “a child.”
“kathani and hyacinth can be potential partners,” you suggest, diverging as not to join hyacinth in her laughter at gregory’s disgruntlement.  despite the anxiety that somehow both swells and knots within you, you are resolute on being intentional and present during your lessons.  “the former is married, and the latter is a child.”
anthony opens his mouth to respond but suddenly closes it shut.  he blinks.
“why have you not considered eloise?”
“because she is unmarried.  i am assuming that you do not want me to partner with colin or benedict, for fear of some sort of— romantic attraction forming.  so i’ve applied the same logic to eloise.”
there is a small silence.  you can see how anthony (and perhaps the rest of the room, you sense) is busily processing within his mind (and theirs) what you have said to him.  
kathani pats her husband twice on his back and smiles at you.  
“that is an excellent idea, y/n.  we will rotate your partners amongst myself, anthony, gregory, and hyacinth.  let us begin.”
and so you do, and it is quite horrendous.  or rather, you are quite horrendous.  
kathani is, unsurprisingly, a marvelous teacher, but not even she as a guide can prevent you from stepping on her, anthony’s, hyacinth’s, and gregory’s feet.  you apologize profusely each time you do so, and so you apologize frequently and often, but each of your partners still smile at you without a drop of deceit or regret in their expressions despite their winces.  they encourage you in all their particular ways.  kathani gently knocks the foot you stepped on her to where it ought to be placed.  anthony pacifies that you are doing well.  hyacinth recounts how she had struggled as you when she first began her lessons.  gregory assures that you are not nearly as heavy-footed as eloise.
even those who aren’t your partners encourage you.  eloise confirms gregory’s statement, not once peeking into the book she holds in her hands.  colin claps his hands to help you keep the tempo of the steps.  violet, at the pianoforte, enthuses how much progress you are making with each passing dance.  penelope, who joined the drawing room part way through a rather disastrous cotillion with anthony, begins to clap her hands excitedly upon seeing you.
the only bridgeton you haven’t heard from the entirety of your lessons is benedict.  while rehearsing a sequence in a quadrille with hyacinth, you notice the vacant spot next to eloise where he once sat.  you try to feign to yourself that your following misstep is due to your ineptitude in rhythm and nothing else.  certainly not the lack of presence of a particular someone.
after you curtsy and kathani bows upon finishing a scotch reel, she beams at you.
“i believe that is enough lessons for today.”
you sigh with every bit of your lungs, your attempt at perfectly squared shoulders immediately slumping in relief.  the family chortles in response and gives you a pleasant round of applause.  you feel your cheeks go flush with embarrassment, completely unbelieving that your horrific display of dancing deserves any sort of praise, but the sentiment warms your heart.
“i would like to pardon myself, if that is all right,” you request towards kathani, “for a moment, is all.”
“yes, of course,” and she takes your hand.  “and we do mean it, y/n.  you have done well today.  you should be proud.”
before you can respond to her, she gives a gentle squeeze of your hand and turns to walk towards anthony.  blinking, you shake your head out of your thoughts.  the bridgertons and penelope seem to respect your want of excusing yourself as they grin or nod their heads in your direction but make no move towards you.  you take a moment more to look at the family and then turn to leave the drawing room.  you cannot help the smile that blooms on your face as you cross the entrance—
when a hand catches your wrist and pulls you further away from the drawing room.  you are about to scream when you see benedict, with furrowed eyebrows and pleading ocean eyes, swiftly put his forefinger to his pursed lips.
“fuckin’— benedict!” you whisper-yell, attempting to honor benedict’s unspoken request for your silence.  “are you mad?  and why are you out here?  have you been here this entire time?”
“may i speak with you?  in private?”  
the urgency in his whisper stupefies you, any frustration felt within fading away.
“of course you may.”
he slides his hand down from your wrist to take your hand—
“follow me.”
—and, with haste, leads you down the corridor and up a set of stairs.
“are you certain this is all right?  the last time we had spoken alone together, you were scolded by your brother.”
“i am more than willing to take that risk with you,” benedict says sincerely, with a smile, but it is strained.  it is a subtlety, but with knowing him for as long as you have now, it is something you have noticed in his expressions.
“are you all right, benedict?”
he promptly ignores your question.  it is unlike benedict, to ignore one of your inquiries.  to retort with a snarky quip, yes; to make a particularly theatrical countenance, yes; to respond with uncertainty, yes.  but never outright, deliberate evasion.  it makes your heart swell even more with worry.
you and benedict arrive at a set of grand doors.  turning the gilded knob, he opens the door and, in true gentlemanly fashion, holds it for you to pass.  such etiquette would have caused you to roll your eyes, but with benedict’s current distress, you will yourself to refrain. 
just as you enter the room, benedict enters too, turns around, and carefully closes the door shut.  he reaches into his pocket and, after some shuffling about, retrieves a key.  you hear a click of the door, and before you can comment on the absolute peculiarity of this situation thus far, benedict whips himself around and faces you.
“do you have attraction to both sexes?”
“i— what?”
“do you have attraction to both sexes?” he repeats with impatience.
“to all persons,” you correct with equal impatience.  “and yes, i do.”
benedict blinks at your response but shakes his head out of his thoughts.
“and how long, how long have you known?  of your attractions?”
“‘of my attractions’?”
“i am asking a question, y/n!”
“you are being strange, benedict!”
“i am!—” and he turns away from you, running his hands through his hair, sucking in air through his nostrils.  he turns back to you and it startles you—how frustrated his countenance is, and how vulnerable his ocean eyes are.
“i am merely trying to ask a question.  i am trying to understand.  please, y/n,” benedict begs.  “please.”
“i— all right,” you try to soothe.  “i, i don’t know how long i have known.  i suppose, since i was a child?  or, perhaps, truly in my adolescent years, when i found myself gazing at those with names like emily and andrew and how i—” you swallow, suddenly feeling exposed, “how i held my breath around them, whenever they were close, when— whenever they were near.”
“and do you still feel that way?”
“pardon?”
“do you still feel that way?  around people?  for people?”
just for the one.
“i, i do.” 
after staring at you a moment more, benedict turns away again, and you quickly exhale a breath—when you’re stricken with a sudden fear.
“does this change your opinion of me?” 
benedict turns back to you, frustration still in his features but confusion slowly seeping into them.
“when i—” am i crying? “when i told my sister how i felt for a girl in our neighborhood, she did not—” you try to shake your head of the fog that starts to fill your mind at remembering, “did not look at me for weeks, and when she did, i felt like, like—— like a monster.”
his face falls.
“no,” benedict states, fastly approaching you, “no, no, no, y/n.”
“i am sorry,” you choke out as he places his hands on the sides of your arms.
“why are you apologizing?” benedict whispers, applying pressure to where he holds you steady.  you had not realized you’ve been shaking.
“you had asked me questions, these questions of importance to you, and i— i have made it about myself— i am so sorry, benedict.”
“you have nothing to apologize for.” 
you shut your eyes close, feeling your face contort in the way it does when everything simply becomes too much for you to bear.    
“you were, and are, so much more courageous than me.”
benedict’s gentle voice and strange statement rouse you to open your eyes.
“i do not understand?”
“you have told another person about your attractions to both— to all persons.  i…”
he goes quiet, unable to finish his thought aloud.  you scrunch your eyebrows in confusion, but staring into his ocean eyes a moment more—vulnerable, scared, hurting—it dawns on you.
oh.
benedict.
your heart blooms as you shake your head.
“it is not about courage, benedict, i do not think.  with my sister, it was about trust.  i thought i could trust her with my feelings, with— well, with me.  and she had proved me wrong.”
“and you have proved me right.”
“why are you speaking so vaguely today?” you manage to jest.
benedict rolls his eyes, a small smile resting on his lips.
“and you have proved me right in that i could trust you.  and i do, y/n.  i trust you with— with me.”
perhaps you should have thought better of it, but your emotions move faster than your logic, and your emotions call you to reach out your hand and cup benedict’s cheek as you see tears line his ocean eyes.
“as i trust you with me.”
you do not mean to do it; perhaps it’s the intimacy of your conversation, perhaps it’s the proximity of standing so close, perhaps it’s the way you can feel his bated breath mix with yours, but your eyes flicker down at benedict’s parted lips and, swallowing, you look back into his piercing, indecipherable ocean eyes and breathe,
“benedict—”
when a loud sequence of knocks thud at the locked door.
“oh god!” and you take off, running away from benedict and looking about the room when your eyes fall upon a wardrobe.
“what are you doing!” benedict whisper-shouts at you as you hasten towards your destination.
“i am trying to prevent you from being in trouble again with a certain eldest brother, and you ought to be doing the same!”
you open the door to the wardrobe, hop into it, and, grabbing the door’s edge, look at benedict and the adorable shock on his face.
“answer the door as i hide in here!” before he can babble out a response, you whisper-yell, “go!” and promptly, quietly, shut the wardrobe.
before long, you muffedly hear the clicking of the door and it being opened.  there is a bit of quiet until gregory’s voice asks—
“what happened to your hair?” 
“what of it?”
“it is a mess.  it has not been that messy since—”
“nevermind my hair!  what is it that you need?”
“have you seen y/n?”
“what?  why would i know of y/n’s whereabouts?”
“do not play foolish, brother.” 
“i am not playing foolish!”
“you two are always together!  you and y/n are like eloise and penelope, anthony and kate, colin and food— you never see one without the other, and she hasn’t been seen since her lessons.”
“i have not seen her; does that answer your inquiry?”
“why are you so on guard!  ugh, never you mind.  hyacinth and i will look for her on our own, with no thanks to you.”
before benedict can retort, you hear footsteps walking away from him and down the corridor.  there is another moment of quiet before you hear the shutting of the door and the turning of the key.  you slowly open the wardrobe, and when you see a disgruntled benedict and benedict only, you hop out and walk towards him, unable to contain the growing smile on your face.
“you shouldn’t be so harsh on gregory.  he was, after all, merely asking a question.”
“you’re taking his side?”
“of course i am.  he, along with hyacinth, are my favorite bridgertons.”
“and where do i fall on this list of yours?”
“eighth,” you reply easily, and benedict’s jaw drops, “but that’s merely on a technicality— i have yet to met daphne and francesca.”
“what have i done to be thought of so little in your regard!” benedict’s expression is aghast, but you see the ghost of a smile on his lips (that you certainly do not stare at for another moment too long).
“do not mistake your low ranking in how i care for you,” you tease but then soften, unable to keep up the lark over your truth.  “i care for you, benedict.  for all of you.  precisely as you are and what you feel and who you—” you swallow, “whoever you love.”
the jest and play fade away from his expression.  benedict simply stares at you, ocean eyes once again indecipherable.  before he can say anything, you step into his space and tidy his hair.
“you ruined your coif earlier,” you whisper.
“what fortune i have for someone to care for me so.”
his smile is so sweet, his voice so sincere, his ocean eyes so gentle.  it is too much, it is so much. 
“if you weren’t such a mischief maker,” you diverge, “you wouldn’t need such fortune.”
that makes him scoff, and you grin, quietly glad a new emotion begins to overtake your overwhelming one.
“wise words coming from a mischief maker herself.”
“a mischief maker who knows how to handle her trouble,” you respond pointedly. “speaking of which, i must be going,” and you turn from benedict and head towards the windows.
“and where are you going?” you hear the befuddled amusement in his inquiry as he follows you.  you unlatch a window.  
“i must leave by way of window and make it appear as if i have been out in the gardens this entire time,” you carefully open the window and peer outside.  no one in sight.  pleased, you turn around and are greeted by an adorably perplexed benedict.  “how else will we deceive the family into believing that we were not alone together?  particularly after gregory inquired after me and found you here.  it would not help our situation if we left the same room, even if at staggered times.”
“this is not the first time you have escaped home,” he declares matter-of-factly.
“of course it’s not.”
“yet another thing we have in common.”
you snort but then cover your mouth.  you turn around and peer out the window, hoping, willing that no one has heard you.  no one in sight still.  you sigh in relief and turn back to a grinning benedict.
“you are compromising my meticulous plans.”
“then you ought to be going.  i shan’t compromise you any further.”
you roll your eyes deeply, ignoring the double entendre (and the flush you feel creeping across your face), but soften.
“will you be all right?  are you all right?”
benedict inhales deeply and exhales equally so.
“i—— have much to think over.  of myself.  to myself.  but, it is a comfort to know that i am not alone in this.  in this experience, the feelings themselves, as well as in the navigation of them,” the corners of benedict’s mouth tug into a gentle but most radiant smile, his ocean eyes incandescent with joy.  “thank you, y/n.”
the butterflies flutter violently within.
“i, i have done nothing.”
“you have done more than you know.”
unable to withstand the intensity of his gaze, you turn back to the open window and steady your hands onto the sides of the frame, leveraging your weight against the ledge to lift yourself up.
“be that as it may,” you assert perhaps too forcefully, “i truly must be going now.” 
you carefully but easily shift your body over the ledge and place your boot against the exterior side of bridgerton house to start your descent.  you should just go—leave and neglect the violence of feelings within you.  but you do not.  instead, you look up and are greeted by the sight of benedict at the window, hands also steadied on the ledge, body leaning towards the outside and downwards, beaming at you, the afternoon sun casting light upon his now even more beautiful countenance.
shit.
you will yourself to focus.
“if you need or wish to speak again on this, you will let me know, yes?”
he still smiles but you see the subtlety of his ocean eyes transforming, from delight to… something else.  you don’t know what, benedict’s ocean eyes ever indecipherable in moments such as this, and it does nothing to quiet the flutterings within.
“i shall.  and hopefully in a manner that does not require your escape.”
“oh, this is nothing.”
“of course it’s not.”
you smile broadly, a particular burst of fondness and play and courage overcoming you—
“farewell, princess.”
and you begin your descent down bridgerton house.
𝄆 ⚘ ✸ II.vii ✸ ⚘ 𝄇
< kathani and y/n make a day of getting y/n a dress for the bridgerton ball.  they meet first at bridgerton house early in the morning, before the rest of the family is awake.  they break fast together, and kathani teaches y/n how to make masala chai.  y/n remarks that how kathani speaks of indian drink and food reminds y/n of how her parents talk about their drink and food from their home country.
< the conversation then grows into talking about how much the ocean intrigues y/n because of how her parents have talked about it, especially in their stories of emigrating to england by ship.  the mystery, beauty, comfort, fear, and joy of the ocean all in one entity.
< the conversation then shifts to kathani and y/n talking about the scrappiness of making do with what resources you have access to.  it makes y/n recount a memory with her mama when she had offered to give up buying ink, quills, and paper to support the family once her elder sister had married and left their family home. >
“it is a hobby, mama, it—”
“it is important,  she says pointedly.  “it is your passion.”  and she smiles.  “we have managed once with just my and papa’s wages, we shall manage now.  you need not worry, my child.” 
< eventually, kathani and y/n finish their breakfast.  they leave bridgerton house and hop into a bridgerton carriage to go to the modiste.  it is the first time y/n is in a carriage and it is a surreal, lovely experience.  it feels like a fairytale. >
< after arrival at the modiste and introductions, kathani decides to roam the markets of the neighborhood as madame delacroix tends to y/n in the back of the shop. >
“madame delacroix—”
“clients call me madame delacroix,” she interrupts.  you feel shame flood your body.  of course.  you are not a client.  you are a charity case.  at the whims of this wealthy family that has bestowed their pity on you.  how else would you be in such a position, in such a shop, before such a talented artist revered by the upper echelons of london.  you’re a fool, you wish to run away, you must go when you hear what madame delacroix says next—and she’s smiling.
“friends, however, call me genevieve,” she remarks with a wink.
“now, y/n, how would you feel about me being,” genevieve flourishes her hand in the air, “experimental with your dress?”
a combination of fear and excitement perk up within you.
“how do you mean?”
“the ton are quite—” she seems to fight hard not to roll her eyes but admits defeat to a sigh, “—conservative in their fashion—”
“you mean dreadfully dull?” you chime in.  genevieve laughs warmly.
“exactly, my dear,” she grins. “you, however, are anything but.  i see the french silhouettes more fitting to your character, to your personality, to your spark.”
you feel overwhelmed by the kindness of words that flow easily from the mouth of your new friend.  you have not known each other for more than ten minutes, and she seems to see something within you.  it makes you feel self-conscious, undeserving, and incredibly proud.
“i would be honored to be graced with the true magnificence of your artistry, genevieve.”
your friend’s eyes shine with joy, and you cannot help but feel utterly delighted that you were the one to ignite such happiness within her.
“my dear, the ton will be green with envy at the sight of you.  with your natural beauty and with my vision, you shall be an unstoppable force.”
you furrow your eyebrows at “natural beauty.”  you open your mouth to comment—
“is there any person you are looking to,” she hums, looking for the right word while looking for her measuring tape, “impress?”
“no,” you lie.  “i would not know anyone aside from the bridgertons and penelope.”
“ah, yes.  miss penelope,” the modiste says with much fondness in her heart. “she is quite brilliant, is she not?”
you beam.  “she truly is.”
“though,” genevieve ponders, wrapping the tape around your waist, “she is rather besotted with the third eldest bridgerton.”
“oh, yes, it is very appar— wait.  why do you say that?”
genevieve shrugs, but you give it more thought.
“are you implying that i have affections for penelope?”
you love penelope.  she has come to be one of your closest friends, and my god she is beautiful inside and out—but you have never felt an inkling for her beyond platonic love.
“i imply nothing—i’ve just said she’s besotted with the third eldest, did i not?” genevieve plays coy with a smile.  “and the viscount, he is very in love with the viscountess.”
“are you now implying that i have affections for anthony?” 
you feel your entire body shudder.  the idea of having any sort of love for the eldest bridgerton beyond one that is platonic makes you want to—  the very thought—
you put one hand to your mouth and the other to your stomach.  genevieve laughs, delighted by this game she’s inflicting upon you and entirely unperturbed by your potential sick in her shop.
“so,” she continues on, “with mister colin and lady kate and their beaus eliminated, unless you are of the temptress kind—”
“no!”
“then,” laughs genevieve, “that leaves three—”
“what do you mean ‘three’!”
“y/n, please, you are a terrible liar.  you have affections for one of your friends, that is clear.”
“i do not!” you lie again.  she tilts her chin down, looking at you pointedly.
“as i was saying, that leaves three.  there is miss francesca, miss eloise, and mister benedict.”
you feel yourself take in a small breath through your nostrils as you hear his name, and you pray that genevieve does not notice.  
“aha!” she declares.  your prayer has failed.  there is no god.  “ah, yes, mister benedict bridgerton.  the second eldest.”
you hold back a groan, not wanting to give your friend evidence to her (very much correct) claim, so instead you lift your head towards the ceiling.  when you snap it back down to look at her, you are startled by how her delighted expression from a mere moment ago has molded into an expression you cannot figure out.
“y/n, you must know,” she states, with so much sincerity in her tone.  you are entirely confused by this shift in genevieve, and your confusion only intensifies when she gently takes your hand into both of hers.
“benedict and i... we had been acquainted— intimately, at one point.”
oh.
“oh,” you respond pathetically.
the words should not affect you.  they should not affect you.  they should— not— affect you.
but—
you huff out a laugh.
“genevieve, why are you sharing this?  it’s all ri—”
“i share this with you,” she replies in earnest, “because while intimate, and yes, even passionate—” you try not to wince, “—it was brief and, most of all, not of depth,” she sighs. “but i can only speak for myself, can i?”
you swallow, hoping it will cure your dry throat, and with a smile say, “he is very lucky to have won your affections.”
“my dear.”
genevieve removes one of her hands from yours and brings it to the side of your face, softly wiping away a tear on your cheek.  you hadn’t noticed you had started crying.  you close your eyes, weak by and ashamed at the frailty of your heart, as you lean into the comfort of your friend’s hand.  
after a few moments, you feel her hand leave your cheek and feel your chin held between her thumb and forefinger, lifting up your head.  you open your eyes.
“anything i felt for him, i feel for him no more, y/n.  he is lucky to have your affections,” genevieve declares.  “and if benedict is an intelligent man, he must feel the same for you.”
you laugh.  
“benedict is a beautiful person who attracts beautiful people.  i am not a beautiful person.”
it is peculiar, how genevieve’s eyes flood with hurt as if you have offended her.  what did you say that has hurt her so?  you were only speaking of yourself.  before you can think further on it, the modiste steels her expression, fire suddenly blazing her eyes.
“well!  then i must prove to you what you fail to see, my dear!  i dare you not to feel beautiful in the dress i make for you.  and if you doubt your beauty,” she peers at you, “will you doubt my artistry?”
you laugh, this time sincerely, radiating gratitude for your new friend.  
“it would be foolish to doubt your artistry.”
genevieve beams.
“exactly.”
𝄆 ⚘ ✸ II.viii ✸ ⚘ 𝄇
you kick your feet off again, swinging yourself back and surging forward as you look up at the stars.  you try not to make too much noise.  you know it’s not proper to ambledly hang about your host’s back garden at night as they all slumber.  you feel as though you are taking advantage of the bridgertons’ kindness in allowing a pauper like you to stay the night at their home, in allowing you any time to stay at their home since making their acquaintance, in allowing—— you sigh again.  you could not sleep.  restlessness has entirely consumed you, and you had decided that some fresh air and some childlike fun would be exactly what you needed to calm your nerves.  while the cool air and the beauty of the night have been a welcomed reprieve, your heart still pounds and your mind still races with anxiety over the ball tomorrow night.
“couldn’t sleep?”
you slam the heels of your boots into the ground as you hear the familiar voice, doing everything in your power to ignore the flutters of butterflies in your stomach upon hearing it, and fall over onto your knees, planting your hands into the dirt so as not to completely and embarrassingly plant your face there instead.  you hear the body of the voice rushing towards you, offering his hand in your periphery.  you look up as benedict’s soft ocean eyes stare into you.  feeling your cheeks flood with warmth, you take your dirtied palm into his, promptly ignore the lightning that shoots out from the touch to the rest of your body, and lift yourself up with benedict’s gentlemanly assistance.  you murmur your thanks as you dust off, in vain, the dirt on your nightdress.
“i did not mean to startle you.”
“well, you have very clearly failed at that,” you remark.
after one last whoosh about your knees to clear off the excess dirt, you look up at benedict and are startled by the utter sincerity of his concerned look.  he looks as if he is about to say something, as if he is about to apologize, when you offer him a smile.
“i’m teasing you, benedict.”
he blinks once before breaking out into a smile, a smile that forcefully summons the butterflies within you to flutter about once again, and laughs.  you cannot help but smile and laugh with him.
“may i have the honor of sitting with you, miss y/l/n?”
you roll your eyes.
“it is your home after all, you need not my permission.”
“am i to ignore the privacy a lady wishes to have?”
“a lady’s privacy, i am sure, is something you wish to have for yourself,” you retort, alluding to your lack of such a title.
he swallows.
“that is something i cannot deny.”
something shifts in the air as benedict stares at you.  you feel yourself holding your breath and, in an attempt to shift away the energy from whatever this— this is (and how much it thrills and terrifies you), you playfully curtsy as you gesture to the swing next to the one that you had occupied.
“i would be delighted by your company, mr. bridgerton.”
the overwhelming gentleness of benedict’s expression transforms into an amused smile, and he follows along with an exaggerated bow of his head.  you take a seat at your swing as he takes his seat at the other on your left.
“i couldn’t,” you say in reply to his first question.  before he can ask why, you hastily jump into your inquiry.  “and why are you up?”
“i was sketching.  i had an idea for a painting and wished to lay out the preliminary work before it escaped me,” he sighs heavily, turning to look out to the rest of the garden.  you feel the loss of his gaze.  “i was frustrated with the results and thought some fresh air would do me some good.”
“what is the idea for your painting?”
he hesitates.
“a portrait,” he seems to admit carefully.  feeling how benedict wishes not to be pressed further, you simply hum an affirmation in response.
“i am certain that your sketch is not nearly as horrendous as you think it is.”
“i appreciate your kindness, but it entirely lacked their spark.”
“you seem quite fond of this person,” you huff with a bit of a laugh, jealousy starting to pool in the pit of your stomach.
benedict smiles.
“i am.”
and he turns to look at you.
you swallow, averting your gaze from soft intense ocean eyes, and kick your feet off the ground to begin a gentle swing.
“you should continue with the portrait,” you rattle on in a hasty attempt at diversion.  “not only are you blessed with natural talent but you are also fueled with such a passionate determination to ever improve your skill because that is how much you love your craft.  an undying devotion to something for which you so deeply care.  it is admirable and extremely apparent in all that you do.”
“and what of you?”
“and what of me?”
“of your passions?”
you scoff.
“my passions?”
“your writing.”
you halt your swing and whip your head to benedict.  he is grinning with stupid satisfaction, and you would find a way to wipe it off his stupid (beautiful) face if you were not so aghast by the situation.
“how do you know of that?”
“well, whenever you are not reading or conversing with eloise, penelope, and kate; or playing make-believe with my youngest siblings; or squabbling with colin and anthony, you are busily writing in a folded quarto.  or, rather, crossing in a folded quarto.  crossing twice, if you can manage.  you are quite the prolific writer.”
you gape at him, and he continues to grin.
“eloise also told me.”
“she told you!” you shriek.
“indeed.  it is, after all, how you met penelope, apparently.  and penelope is how you met eloise.  and eloise is how we— how you met the rest of us.”
you slump in your swing.
“i feel betrayed.”
benedict laughs heartily, and you shoot him a glare.  he holds his hands up in mock surrender.
“she was merely sharing a fact.”
“she is merely a traitor.”
benedict laughs once again, and you summon all the strength within you not to choke it out from his lungs.
“you seem not to handle perception of yourself very well, y/n.”
“when you are me, it is easy not to be perceived,” you mumble, still reeling from the traitorous nature of your loudmouthed friend.
there is a small silence.
“i do not think that is true.” 
you turn to him, once again surprised by the gentleness of his sincerity.
“i see you,” benedict declares in a quiet but steadfast voice.  his ocean eyes, indecipherable once more, gaze into you.
you feel yourself hold your breath, unable to stop the truth from ringing out in your heart, mind, body, and soul.
i love you.
you shoot up from your swing.
“i must be going, it is quite late—”
“y/n, wait—”
“thank you, benedict,” you say sincerely, turning to him.  “i— i really enjoyed our conversation, as brief as it was.”
he blinks and offers you a small smile.  i must control myself, you reprimand as you feel the butterflies viciously flutter within.
“as did i.”
“good night,” you whisper.  with all the self-control you can muster, you turn away from benedict and hasten towards bridgerton house.
“good night, y/n,” you vaguely hear him say from the swings that brought you together.  you attempt to tune out the wistfulness that you hear, that you imagine you hear in his voice.
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howlingday · 9 months
Text
A Most Unusual Unit
Good morning, or rather, good evening, "Nightshade". Excellent work on your last assignment. Thanks your efforts, the councilman has lived to see another day, much to the great benefit of Vale. Unfortunately, I'm afraid I have another assignment for you already. Your new target is the leader of the Spiders organization, "Little Miss" Charlotte Malachite. She is a grave threat to peace between Vale and Mistral. Your mission is to get close to her and gain any information that may be related to seditious activities.
In order to do this, you will have to marry and have a child.
Blake: (Spits out her coffee, Coughs) EXCUSE ME?!
Little Miss is a reclusive woman and is notably suspicious of others. At this point, she operates almost entirely behind the scenes. Her only public appearances of late have been her attendance at the elite private school her daughters attend. These events act as informal get-togethers for the upper crust of society and the lowest of low in the criminal underworld. You are to enroll your child at this school and gain entry to these events. However, admission deadlines are approaching fast. YOU'VE ONLY GOT ONE WEEK.
Blake: (Rips encoded-cypher paper in half) THEY EXPECT ME TO HAVE A CHILD IN SEVEN DAYS?! (People stare at her, Ahem!) Excuse me...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blake: Listen up, little girl.
Penny: I'm Penny!
Blake: Listen up, Penny. From now on, you are my child. As far as everyone knows, however, you have always been my child. Understood?
Penny: Understood!
Blake: You will address me as "Mother," as the elites do.
Penny: Mama!
Blake: Very well.
Old Woman: What an adorable girl~.
Blake: Thank you. We're the Belladinas. We just moved in.
Penny: I'm Penny, and I have always been Mama's child!
Old Woman: Huh?
Blake: (Thinking) You don't need to say that!.
Penny: Mama, I want a silenced pistol~!
Blake: If we see one on sale.
Old Woman: What a strange family...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jaune: (Answers phone) Hello, Arc residence.
Jaune: Oh, Saph!
Saphron: (Via phone) How are you doing, baby bro?.
Jaune: Good. Everything's good. I'm still hard at work in Vale!
Saphron: Still as weird as ever. Don't make me worry about you.
Jaune: You don't have to sound so mean about it! And I am not weird!
Saphron: Jaune, when are you going to get married? You find a good lady friend yet?
Jaune: (Thinking) Not this again...
Saphron: Listen, I might be offered a big promotion here soon, but that'd mean I'd be too busy to look after you. I'm not gonna say no right off the bat, but it doesn't feel right for me to abandon you in the big city. Like I always tell ya, I'm forever grateful for you taking care of me all this time, and that's why I want to make sure you're happy.
Jaune: I know, Saph. Thank you.
Saphron: I think I know some cuties out here in Argus. Maybe I could put in a good word for you?
Jaune: Ah! N-No! You don't need to do that! A-Actually, I'm heading to a party this weekend... and I'll be bringing someone!
Saphron: A girl?!
Jaune: Uh, y-yeah, I guess that's one way to describe her. So don't worry about me, okay?
Saphron: Alright. So, who's throwing this party? One of your co-workers?
Jaune: Mm-hm!
Saphron: Great! I'll have Pyrrha give me the full details on this girlfriend of yours!
Jaune: Eh?
Saphron: No offense, Jaune, but you can be pretty naive. I just want to make sure the girl you're digging isn't just digging into you, right?
Jaune: Uh, well-
Saphron: And I'm gonna hold off on this promotion until I know you're happy!
Jaune: Y-You don't need to-
Saphron: Can't wait to hear all about her, baby bro! Ciao~! (Click)
Jaune: (Hangs up, Pacing) What do I do?!. What do I do?!. I need to find a girlfriend now!. If Saph finds out I lied, she'll think there's something wrong with me!. Then she'll never get that promotion, and Terra'll be mad at me!. Adrian will never play with me again!.
Jaune: (Phone rings, Answers) Saph, listen! About what I said earlier, I was just joking! I-
Boss: (Via phone) Having family trouble?. That's unusual for you.
Jaune: Oh! Headmistress! I'm so sorry, I was-
Boss: Good evening. I have a client for you, Rusted Knight.
Jaune: (Eyes dim)
Boss: The Glass Unicorn. Room 1220.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jaune: Excuse me.
Proprietor: Oh, hello again, Jaune! How can I help you?
Jaune: I'm going to a party tonight, so I need my slacks patched up ASAP. Er, if that's okay, of course.
Blake: (Flinches, Thinking) How did he get by without me noticing?!. Jaune... Hm... Right. Jaune Arc, 26 years old, never married, and never divorced. Parents deceased. Seven sisters, six dexeased, one surviving, couple years older. They're both ordinary civilians with nothing on their files. Maybe I'm getting sloppy-
Jaune: Um, miss? You've been staring at me since I came in here. Is there something I can help you with?
Blake: He sensed me watching him?!. How?!.
Blake: Oh, uh, no. I just thought... you were really cute. Excuse me for being rude.
Jaune: Wait, so... I'm good looking to you?
Blake: Um, yes?
Jaune: Miss-
Penny: Mama! I got measured! Huh? Who's she?
Blake: He's another customer, like us.
Jaune: (Thinking) I almost asked another man's wife on a date! I've heard stories of men being murdered for things like that. BUT THIS TIME, I'D BE THE ONE TO DO THE KILLING.
Penny: !
Jaune: No! I can't even fantasize about a thing so horrible! It's thoughts like those that'll expose me as an ASSASSIN.
Penny: (Thinking) A- A- A- A- ASSASSIN?!.
Blake: (Spy)
Jaune: (Assassin)
Penny: (Telepath, Starved for entertainment) SOOO COOOOL!.
Blake: I thought he'd make for a good fit for the husband role, but his intuition could threaten my mission.
Jaune: I thought she'd be able to pull off the girlfriend role, but I can't afford any kind of unnecessary bloodshed.
Penny: (Looks down, Covering her face) Oh, boo hoo hoo! I am so sad about Papa!
Blake: P-Penny?! What are you-?!
Penny: I just miss my papa so very, very, very much! If only he could see me in my pretty dress!
Jaune: Oh, is your husband away?
Blake: Ah... You see... My husband actually passed a few years ago. I've been working hard to support my daughter as a single mother.
Jaune: Then... Then no one could try to kill me if I asked her!.
Jaune: Um, excuse me...
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demonslayedher · 2 months
Text
Shall we talk ☆Pillar Filler???☆
(As well as the rest of the episode?)
Keeping it behind a cut because it's not yet available for everybody and a lot of people will appreciate being surprised (I know I did)!
First, how about that new OP??
I love how it sets this arc up for being a pause in the constant life or death struggle (for the Pillars anyway, hahaha), and pricks at how the Pillars always feel they are struggling to compensate for their weaknesses, and the inky hatred that fills their hearts which Oyakata-sama knows they've channeled into defeating Kibutsuji Muzan at all costs. I also had a passing thought the other day about how so many Japanese legends of demon slaying require the hero to call upon a non-human higher power, or use something like a poison or alcohol to weaken a demon before they stand a chance of defeating it. In the end, the medicine that Tamayo and Shinobu develop does serve this crucial role (and the sun fulfills the role of a higher non-human power), but it's otherwise ironic that instead of temporarily weakening a demon to their own level, the usual course of action is to use Breath to temporarily increase their power to that of a demon.
Attaining a mark sure increases the role that "temporary" already played in their lives, and it's really no question that they would choose to pursue that option, even knowing the result.
(Also, CHUNTAROOOOO)
So anyway, onto that filler!!
I loved it.
First, the nitpicking just to get it out of the way: why did a demon need to bother tying up a victim???? Whhhhy? Like, at least they didn't pull a Speedy with some contrived "this demon just toys with victims and leaves them injured instead of killing them" routine that makes for a happy low-stakes Piller Filler episode while showing utter disregard for what demons are and why the Corp risks themselves to stop them. (That said, I always love seeing other Corp members fulfill their own Corp duties with no relation whatsoever to Tanjiro, who is just one piece of a much, much larger whole.)
But rather than write what would ultimately be stupid dialogue with an insignificant filler demon, it's nice that Ufotable did not bother developing the Castle Demon. The totally undeveloped baddies are easy to cast off as Blood Technique (but maybe they could have looked a little cooler if, like, they were vaguely wearing samurai armor or something instead of just being in skin suits? Whatever, not important.) I appreciate that Ufotable did not bother to answer these questions of "why is the victim tied up" because the point of this scene was very obviously not about her or the demon. (I like to think Iguro cut the ropes and then told her to get to safety but just, like, left her there on the top roof).
So as for what this scene WAS for... hot dang, did it accomplish that!!!
The purpose was to make Sanemi and Iguro look cool, and it sure as hell did that. WHAT GOOD CHANBARA, those show-offy sword-play moves against a mob of nameless villains were just so deliciously well choreographed, and the people who can appreciate that were also likely to really appreciate the use of a castle as a purely fun battle setting. Ufotable was probably like, "Our biggest fans are nerds for KnY's touches of traditional Japanese folklore and culture, and for swords and swordplay, so you know what else will probably get them riled up? Yeah, let's give them a castle fortress."
And then everyone cheered, like, "Yes, yes, the fangirls like demonslayedher on Tumblr will never know what hit them."
But then some brilliant person spoke up and said, "You guys, I have the perfect finishing blow."
And everyone said, "What? How could we possibly top this scene that not only purely makes Sanemi & Iguro look cool, but also serves their characters and the plot nicely by showing how the Pillers don't feel they can rely on the other Corp members, and that even though they speak sharply to them they show concern for them by their actions? You know, especially slyly since anime-only fans will get to appreciate a new side of characters whom they haven't gotten to bond with much yet for only having seen their mean sides mostly and none of their battle coolness, and also slyly because the hardcore manga fans know that these two are buddies?"
And then the brilliant person says, "Let's give them that fortress."
The brilliant person was then crowned Ruler of Ufotableland and the fans lived happily ever after.
Speaking of Pillar Filler, I also want to point out how nice that opening exposition between Shinobu and Kanao was. First, what a nice way of incorporating Kanao into a nice episode that gives us a nice little dose of everyone in the Corp cast, even by adding that little scene of Amane and Ubuyashiki too. I loved the little touches that develop the Butterfly Mansion, like the fact that on the path there, they have a stone sign that says "Butterfly Mansion" and a line of carved Jizo statues (to protect travelers and (deceased) children) with little butterflies. And that moment of Nezuko frowning as the sunlight goes behind a cloud? Wonderful. And Shinobu essential saying to Kanao, "I trust you with defending everyone here in the now VERY LIKELY EVENT OF KIBUTSUJI MUZAN ATTACKING while I have to go off to a Pillar Meeting now that you're back"? I looooove iiiiiiiiit. That also says a lot about the trust other Pillars have in Shinobu to entrust her with Nezuko instead of putting any pressure on her to take part in Pillar Training, as clearly they don’t know about Tamayo, and it's really anyone's guess if they know about the poison or not (though the light novel implies Himejima might have an inkling but doesn't know). Being Pillars, though, I doubt any of them would tell her she's wrong for being prepared to take down a demon in any possible way.
I love, love, love, love the treatment of all the straight-from-the-manga scenes, like "Welcome home, Inosuke" (except for the added 'did you miss me, Aoi-chan' because canonically Aoi is the one kind of girl who is not his type), Tamayo speaking with Oyakata-sama's bird, Mitsuri's "explanation" of the mark, and every single Pillar interaction. I love the amount of respect they show to Himejima (and how Ufotable slightly expanded on this), and I am so excited for the extra Himejima content this season. In the new marketing materials released on the same day as the episode/movie, they make stark use of one of the kanji characters in his name ("cry out"), which is a very nice touch. And the use of BGM!!! Especially the touches of Giyuu's and Mitsuri's themes during the meeting!
*happy sigh*
It is nice to be a fandom citizen of Ufotableland.
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blingblong55 · 9 months
Text
Just a bet - Philip Graves
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This is the alternative ending to Part 2 (Part 1 is here)
Based on a request:
Based on a request: Can I make a request, please of a heartbreaker Graves x Naive/Innocent Fem!reader? (Am in need some feelings hurt to feel something) Prompts; - reader is a general’s daughter, whilst grave is an ambitious soldier who aimed to be a captain (or somewhere along the lines) - There were bets of who can f-ck the general’s daughter happening behind the scene among the soldiers, and Grave decided to join in - Unfortunately reader, fell in love with grave. Found out it just a bet, felt betrayed and heartbroken. I hope this is okay with you, also it's okay if you don’t want to do it 🫶🏻🫶🏻 tqsm!
F!Reader, angst, implied sexual relation
A/N: All too well (10min. version (Taylor version)) - Taylor Swift and you'll see where I got my inspiration.
There you stood in an empty hallway before reaching the mess hall, heartbroken and all hope lost.
It pained you to know that he didn't want you for your way of thinking or who you are as a person but for a stupid bet, loose change for some and a dick move from him. You walked away, the hoodie he had given you last night in your hand. You drop it and continue walking away.
What went so wrong last night that he just hurt you this way?
--
You, out in the cold of the night as you wait for your dad to get off work. You were in your civilian clothes, ready to just head home and sleep. "It's cold, don't y'think?" Graves walked up to you, hands in his pocket. "Yeah, little cold," you respond.
"Dad almost out?" he asks, standing next to you. "Yeah, he should be out soon." He noticed you had chills from the cold wind, "Here, take my hoodie." He removes it and hands it to you. "Thanks," you put it on and smile at him. "No problem."
As you waited for your dad, you and him talked. It was strange, to see him like this. When no one was around, he was so soft and sweet, and always knew what to say to make you blush. To be honest? He enjoyed that time with you, made him feel more human than a soldier like he could ever feel.
--
As Graves went back out from his lunch with the guys, he noticed his hoodie was on the floor, the same one he lent you last night. "Fuck." He whispers and picks it up. Smells like you and him. You probably heard it all.
"Have you seen R/N?" He asked almost all the soldiers near him. All either asking him if he was going for 'round 2' or if your dad was okay. Once he saw you walk into the women's bathroom, he understood that he just had to give you space. For 20 minutes he waited outside, not letting the other female soldiers in, 'maintenance' was his excuse. You cried, washed your face and walked back out, pretending you weren't just crying over him.
"R/N?" His voice was soft, full of regret and some hope. "Leave me alone." You began to walk towards your dad's office, your excuse was 'Mum will need me for dinner and I have to go now.'
"It wasn't just a bet, R/N. You have to let me explain." He was desperate, that is for sure. You continued walking and he kept up with your pace. Once he knew no one was around, he pulled your arm so you could stop walking. "You don't get it, okay? I like you, I really do and those guys-"
"You used me for a stupid bet, Graves! Who does that?" You interrupt his lame excuse. "Please, hun. I care so much for you- I was just playing pretend with them. If they know I have a soft spot, someone that makes me happy, excited and so damn cheesy they'd make fun of me."
"Are you embarrassed by me?"
"No, no no no...I'm actually proud you chose me. You are this smart, skilled, so funny and beautiful girl and I...I don't know why I took the bet, I really don't." He sighs, his head hands low until he looks at you.
"You are my weakness and if this got out, gosh hun I...they would hurt you, people that hate me would hurt you. Can't you see I'm dying here for you to understand?" So desperate but full of truth.
Your eyes are teary once more. "Why did you take that bet?"
"Because I am a dick. A selfless man at first but then I got to know you, how I began to understand who you are as a person, this amazing soul and the girl I seriously want to date and live my life with."
All the nights when he and your dad would talk and laugh at stupid jokes. How he sat in the armchair and your dad next to him in his. Impressing him, making plans so you and him would spend Christmas with your family. The wink or look he would give you when he sipped coffee.
"I mean it, what I said that night as you trusted me with your body. How I worship you, the way I kissed your body, how good it felt to be held by you as I made you mine over and over. Don't you remember? Our bodies radiating the love we felt, please hun, just please listen to me. It was not just a bet for me, it was and is the best moment of my life." He got closer, hands holding yours. "Please give me a chance to prove I love you."
Three words that to this day, as you walk down the aisle to him hold onto. And he did prove it, ever since then he has proved how much he loves you. Not everything was dead like he thought because not everything was a bet.
Tags: @casimodull
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here2bbtstrash · 2 years
Text
look down on me like that - 8 (explicit)
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genre: slow burn enemies to lovers hatefucking coworkers au, smut (w some eventual angst that is no longer eventual 👀)
pairing: yoongi x reader
summary: your asshole coworker min yoongi has made it his personal mission to ruin your life.
word count: *deep breath in* 15.3k
contains: explicit sexual content and discussion of some dark themes .....yyyyyep 🤐 includes past-tense discussions of the d3ath of a parent (reader's) and su1c1dal ideation (yoongi's) so please tread carefully loves 💜 some references to alcohol per usual, and plenty of confusing feelings and piss-poor communication..... i'll leave the rest as a surprise 👀 but here are your smut-specific warnings: kissing (‼️), nipple play, clit stim, a single pussy slap lol, fingering, cunnilingus, squirting (🤭), unprotected sex and pulling out (💀), orgasm denial of sorts, but it's cool bc reader has multiple orgasms, ok byeeeee~
A/N: welp..... i'm off to enter witness protection in case you all decide you hate this chapter 💀 not really but heuhjkghkfjgdsf dear god am i nervous to post this lmfao. hope you're ready for some ~answers to questions~ and a whole lotta callbacks to earlier chapters idk why i shoved them all in ch8 specifically but here you go. the scene at yoongi's apartment was one of the very first things i dreamt up in regards to this story and it's nuts to me that we're all the way here now 💜 hope you're ready for a little more insight into these two! also baby goth fans don't come for me..... i promise we'll get a better resolution there..... reader and yoongi just have to survive LA first 😩
an eternal thank you to @haliiimede and @monimonimoon for being wonderful betas, and to @nabiolive for the dead parent sensitivity read lmfao I LOVE Y'ALL
read on AO3!
chapter seven | masterlist | chapter nine
~*~
In the morning, you wake up well before your alarm with an inexplicable uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach. When it’s clear sleep is a lost cause, you decide to just get up, and you move through your routine slowly. Everything feels distant, not quite real, like it’s happening to someone else.
On the bus ride to the office, you let your eyes drop closed and try desperately not to replay the events of last night back. You should feel bad about the sex on the conference room table, and you do, a little. But your mind is stuck somewhere else.
Rain streaking down Yoongi’s windshield. The silence as he drove, disturbed only by the low rumble of his voice. The way he’d looked at you, and the heavy pause that hung in the air between you, for just a moment, until you’d fumbled open the door of his car and had practically ran back to the safety of your apartment. And his story— he’d told you something personal, with no malice or hidden agenda that you can manage to find, no matter how much you search for one. Something from when he was just a kid, growing up in Daegu.
You’re embarrassed to admit that it never even occurred to you that Min Yoongi might be a person with a past and a hometown and stories to tell. As long as you’ve known him, he’s always just felt like… a menace. A life-ruiner. An inescapable force.
The thoughts follow you as you step off the bus and make your way into the building and onto the elevator. You can’t figure it out. Yoongi could’ve easily left you to suffer in the rain, but instead he did something nice for you, without asking for anything in return. He’d related to you. He’d let you in, barely, but it’s something.
And you have no idea what to make of it.
Polite small talk with Jungkook as you unlock the front doors is a decent distraction, but you wonder if he can tell that you’re not all the way there today. You set your bag on your desk, then circle around to take a seat, only half-listening as he continues to talk.
“Did you stay late last night?”
You swear your heart stops beating. “What?”
He shrugs, like it’s an obvious question. “There’s the big overseas thing today. I’m sure you had a bunch of stuff to prep. Hopefully it wasn’t too late of a night?”
“No.” The word comes out harsher than you mean it to. You’re not quite sure why your body is suddenly doing emotional alchemy, taking your fear of being caught and somehow turning it into anger. “It wasn’t,” you say firmly.
Jungkook makes a face, like he knows he’s touched a nerve but can’t figure out why. “Okay. That’s good.”
You don’t respond— you just try to control your breathing, try to will your heart to quit racing as you start up your laptop and pretend to suddenly be engrossed in it.
“Well,” he tries again after a moment’s pause. “I guess I’ll see you at the presentation thing.”
“Okay,” you answer, your voice a little softer this time, but you’re still too scared to look away from your screen. When you do eventually work up the courage, he’s already gone.
Before you even have the chance to glance back down, like some universal joke at your expense, the front door of the office is pushed open, and Yoongi steps through. Annoyed as you are, you can only be grateful that his entrance didn’t overlap with Jungkook’s question. You probably would have died of embarrassment on the spot.
Yoongi’s usual dark sunglasses are nowhere to be found today, and he’s in nice clothes for the presentation, a button-down and dress pants, his hair styled. He does still have a death grip on a large iced coffee, but that’s to be expected, especially given the fact that he’s in a lot earlier than is typical for him.
It’s only when his eyes snap over to you for the briefest of seconds that you see the dark shadows sunken deep beneath them, weighing heavy on his face.
Yoongi’s gaze moves back to the hallway in front of him as quickly as it alighted on you. You open your mouth before you even understand why you’re doing it.
“Yoongi?”
He stops dead in his tracks and blinks at you a few times, clearly tired, clearly not expecting the interruption. “Yeah?”
“Did you sleep at all last night?”
His mouth pulls into a flat line as he shakes his head. “Nerves. It’s why I don’t do stuff like this. Unless forced.”
You nod, unsure of what to say— or why you even asked. “Oh. Well, uh. Good luck.”
Yoongi lifts his coffee in a parting gesture, then disappears toward his lab without another word.
You try to focus on your work, to shove the interaction to the back of your mind with everything else you’re avoiding, but the screen seems to blur in front of you, until you finally push back from your desk with an exasperated sigh. The emails can wait.
Maybe, you consider, it would be good to stretch your legs. You can head into the presentation room early to set up before everyone arrives, and make sure everything is working for the several hours of agenda lined up for the morning.
Setting your shoulders back, you grab your things and make your way down the hallway. The thought feels like a good idea until you push the door open and encounter a severe case of deja vu.
Yoongi glances up from his laptop at the front of the room, blearily rubbing at one eye with the heel of his hand. “Is it time already?”
You hover in the threshold, unsure. “Uh— I mean, not quite. I’m early. I can go, if you want.”
He shrugs, busying himself with something on his computer screen. “You’ll have to hear it anyway. Can I just run through it one more time?”
You take a few tentative steps forward, dropping your bag and laptop on the table, right where you sat to watch him the night before. The energy in the room feels entirely different now, and your stomach is twisted into knots that you can’t manage to breathe deep enough to untangle.
“Yeah, fine.” You pause, unable to help yourself. “Just… don’t expect the same treatment as last night.”
Yoongi huffs a dark laugh. “I wasn’t.”
Taking a seat at the table, you set about your admin duties and try to ignore the way Yoongi mumbles over his presentation as he taps through his slides at the front of the room. There’s only so much you can do without bothering him, and you fly through those tasks all-too quickly. You drag your bottom lip between your teeth as you glance back up at Yoongi, and then you inhale to steady yourself before you speak.
“Can you turn on the mic?”
His head snaps up, caught off guard. “Hmm?”
“I need to make sure the mic is working.” Yoongi’s gaze flits to the podium’s built in-microphone, then back to you as he presses the switch to turn it on. “Say something into it,” you instruct. “It doesn’t matter what.”
Yoongi’s eyes move back to the microphone, and it’s like you can see the delay in his brain from lack of sleep. You don’t know what you were expecting— maybe a half-assed ‘check, check’, at worst some sexual or smart-ass remark. Instead, he leans in far closer than is necessary, until his mouth is nearly touching the microphone as he whispers into it.
“Sugaaaaa.”
The live demo of the notorious producer tag that intros all of his tracks is so ridiculous, so unexpected, that you can’t help it. You burst out laughing, clapping a hand over your mouth a few seconds too late. “What the fuck was that?!” The question is only muffled slightly by your palm.
Yoongi’s head drops forward, his dark hair falling in his face, and you can see his shoulders shaking with laughter, too. “Sorry,” he manages with a gasp for breath, tilting back up to speak into the microphone, which you can now actually tell is working properly. “I’m so fucking tired, I think I’m going insane.”
You uncover your mouth as you shake your head in disbelief.
The sudden loud buzz of your phone against the conference room table makes you jump, and you quickly reach for it, for fear it might be an emergency text from your boss that needs immediate attention. Your eyes widen in surprise when you see it’s actually from Jungkook.
Presentation thing? Wanna sit together?
You read the words again and again, and a strange feeling rises up in your chest that you can’t quite name. As you stare down at your phone, you hear the distinct sound of Yoongi’s laptop shutting, and then his voice, no longer amplified by the microphone when he mutters to himself, “Fuck it. It’s as good as it’s gonna get.”
Feeling suddenly overwhelmed, you glance up at Yoongi again, then back down at the text. With a final hard swallow, you turn your phone on silent and flip it over on the table, leaving Jungkook’s question unanswered.
The time is close enough now that you get to your feet to prop open the presentation room door, and then your colleagues quickly start to file into the space, filling in the seats around the large U-shaped arrangement of tables. It’s everything you can do to keep your expression neutral as your brain unhelpfully reminds you that Yoongi fucked you on one of these tables last night.
You try to manage something close to a smile when your boss enters with the team from the American office in tow, and you proceed to exchange pleasantries with them and fake laugh at their jokes when he introduces you.
As you’re listening diplomatically to one of them drone on about the flight to Seoul, you spot Jungkook slip in the door out of the corner of your eye, and it takes extra effort to keep the smile plastered on your face. The seats on either side of yours have long since been taken, and you glance over to see his eyes sweep the room before he moves to take an open spot at the far end. 
You watch unabashedly now as he leans back in his chair, tilting to one side to pull his phone out of his pocket, and you can only pray he’s watching TikToks with the sound off rather than checking for a text that’s never coming.
When your manager repeats a question meant for you, your attention snaps back to the group. Sure your smile is nearly a grimace now, you apologize and blame the distraction on needing more coffee, which is enough to earn you a polite chuckle.
Eventually the room takes their seats as your manager moves to the front to start the presentation. You stay focused on copying down minutes as various speakers go through the company’s financials for the previous four quarters, the roadmap for the coming years, and a summary of top-level talent that the label has signed or directly worked with.
The discussion of talent leads smoothly into a quick review of achievements and nominations, and then Yoongi steps to the front of the room.
As he launches in, you can’t get over the stark difference between the Yoongi you’re used to and the one standing behind the podium in front of you. The man with the easy, confident, cocky demeanor is nowhere to be found, replaced with someone who barely looks up from his slides and speaks at a rushed pace, like he’s trying to get the words out as fast as possible. You bite down firmly on your bottom lip and try not to react at all.
He’s nearly halfway done now, and just as you’re thinking he might make it through the whole thing unscathed, Yoongi stumbles slightly over his words. It’s not a lot, a little slip-up that the rest of the room probably didn’t even notice, but you see a momentary flash of panic in his dark eyes. And then those eyes snap up to meet yours, and your stomach drops.
The memory of the two of you in this room, the thought of what you’d be doing to him if you were alone again, the way you could so easily make his voice shake and his knees threaten to buckle with just your mouth— it’s all too much.
You can’t help yourself as the smile you’ve been desperately trying to hide starts to spread across your face, equal parts supportive and indecent.
There’s a beat of silence, not long enough for anyone to think anything of it, and then Yoongi drops your gaze as quickly as he found it. He squints back down at his computer screen, and though he leans away from the microphone, you don’t miss the unmistakable sound of him clearing his throat.
“Excuse me,” he murmurs, and then he picks up where he left off, managing to get back on track without further issue.
You desperately try to ignore the warm flush of heat that creeps up your neck as Yoongi goes through the rest of his slides.
Time seems to speed by in a rush after his presentation, and you barely manage to keep up with the barrage of content. You’re more than grateful when your manager inevitably wraps up the session, reminding everyone to head to a nearby restaurant for a team lunch immediately following.
As the room begins to empty, you take your time finishing up the notes and firing them off to the broader audience. When you finally close your laptop and look up, you realize nearly everyone has left now, though as fate would have it, Yoongi has also lagged behind. He’s standing hunched over the conference room table as he types something into his own laptop.
You try not to overthink it as you hug your computer to your chest and take a few steps toward him. “Yoongi?”
He hums a response, and when he glances up at you, the bags under his eyes are just as prominent as before.
“Are you, uh— coming to lunch?”
He rolls his eyes, like the question is ridiculous. “I can’t. I’m drowning in shit I put off for the last two days.”
His words make you take a step back, and you immediately feel stupid for asking. Why do you even care what he does? “Right. Got it.”
You don’t wait around for him to say anything else, you just shove your laptop into your purse and pull the strap over your shoulder as you head for the exit.
Largely preoccupied with getting away from Yoongi, you don’t pay much attention to your surroundings as you slip out of the room, and you only get a few steps down the hall before a voice behind you nearly makes you jump out of your skin. “There you are.”
“Jesus!” you gasp, whipping around to find Jungkook leaning up against the glass wall of the conference room, his arms crossed over his chest. “You fucking scared me, Baby Goth.”
“Sorry.” He gives a shy smile, nose scrunching slightly like he’s embarrassed. “I wasn’t gonna let you ditch me again. Lunch?”
You do your best to match his smile. “Let’s go. I’m starving.” 
The two of you meet up with the rest of the team at a restaurant well out of your price range, and Jungkook babbles freely as he stuffs his face, seemingly unbothered by how little you have to say in return. The chatter of so many people at the long table is a white noise that you can’t focus on any part of, and Jungkook’s usual comforting presence feels overwhelming today, nearly stifling. You push food back and forth on your plate but barely eat, your stomach uneasy for reasons you don’t want to dwell on.
“Min Suga seemed like he didn’t even want to be up there.” The mention of Yoongi’s pseudonym is enough to snap you out of your haze.
“Huh?” You glance up at Jungkook, your eyes widening slightly, and you force yourself to eat another bite of pasta as he continues.
“I don’t know, he went through it so fast. Guess it makes sense. He hates anything that drags him out of his lab, right?”
You aimlessly twirl your fork against your plate, around and around. When you first started this job, you would have agreed with Jungkook without a second thought. Laughed about it, even. Now you’re not so sure. You don’t want to add to this growing sense of friction, the weird energy in the air, but the words come out anyway.
“He was nervous, Jungkook.”
When you meet his gaze again, Jungkook looks confused, and you instantly regret saying anything at all.
“What, did he tell you that?”
You nod as you take another bite of food to avoid having to explain yourself.
Jungkook’s eyes drift down to the table between you, distant, his brow furrowed like he’s suddenly doing some complex mental math. “When?”
“Last night,” you murmur through your mouthful. “We both worked late. I helped him practice a little.” The explanation was meant to make the situation sound less incriminating, but somehow you feel like it only makes it worse. You hope Jungkook can’t tell how warm your face is starting to get.
When he finally speaks, his voice is low, his gaze still not meeting yours. “I thought you said you didn’t stay late. When I asked you this morning.”
A rush of adrenaline hits your bloodstream so hard it makes you dizzy. “I—I didn’t. It wasn’t that late. Like an hour max. Didn’t seem worth mentioning.” You set your fork down, quickly hiding your hands in your lap so Jungkook can’t see the way they’ve started to tremble.
His only response is a slow nod, and then he goes quiet in a way that’s rare for him. It feels like an eternity of sitting and eating in silence before either of you says another word.
The conversation eventually picks back up again, and when it does, you try to tell yourself you’re just imagining that it’s slightly more stilted than before.
As you and Jungkook trail after the rest of your coworkers on the walk back to the office, you trade a few more polite questions about work-related projects, and then you fall quiet again, seemingly out of things to say. It’s a few stretches of city blocks, and then you see Jungkook’s head tip up, and he outright sniffs the air.
You can’t help but laugh a little, mostly because he looks like a dog, and then you smell it too. The unmistakable aroma coming from the street cart up ahead. You smile softly to yourself as you both slow to pass it, ogling rice cakes and fish cakes simmering in a pan of spicy sauce.
“God,” Jungkook groans appreciatively. “I would absolutely destroy some tteokbokki right now if I didn’t think I’d literally explode.”
“This is what happens when you help yourself to thirds every time you eat,” you chide him with a giggle, and the two of you nod to the vendor before you continue on toward the office. You only take a few more steps before you falter, and Jungkook turns back when he notices you’ve stopped.
“What’s up? Did you want to get some?”
You don’t know what makes you lie. “Uh, no. I, uh— I just realized, I think I left my scarf back at the restaurant. I’m gonna run back, but don’t worry about waiting for me. You’ve got work stuff.”
Jungkook shrugs, like it’s not a big deal. “It’s cool, I can go with you.”
“No, that’s okay,” you say, firmly enough to make it very obvious you don’t want company. Maybe a little too firm, because Jungkook blinks, like he’s taken aback. Your stomach twists with a feeling that you imagine must be similar to having just kicked a puppy.
“Oh. Alright, well. I’ll see you later, then.” He pauses for a moment, tongue pressed to the inside of his cheek, and then he turns on his heel and keeps walking in the direction of the office. You worry your bottom lip between your teeth as you watch Jungkook’s retreating form until he disappears down the city block.
You try not to overthink the interaction as you retrace your steps to the cart, then head back to the office with a takeout bag gripped in one hand. Thankfully you don’t have to fumble for another lie of an excuse, because you don’t run into Jungkook or anyone else in your straight shot from the entrance to the door of Yoongi’s lab. Quick as you can, you punch in the lock code, then push the handle down and slip inside.
It takes you a minute to process what you’re seeing as you shut the door behind you. Yoongi’s arms are folded on the desk in front of him, and he’s slumped forward, head buried in the crook of his elbow. For a brief moment your heart drops, and then you take a tentative step closer and realize there’s no shake or shudder to his shoulders, only the smooth rise and fall of deep, steady breathing.
He’s asleep.
You close the remaining distance until you can reach out and gently place a hand on his back. “Yoongi?”
He inhales sharply, and you quickly pull your hand away like you’ve just been burned. Tilting his head to one side, he cracks an eye open, mumbling something that sounds like a question but is otherwise fully incoherent.
“You fell asleep,” you say dumbly, and Yoongi slowly sits up with a grunt, his eyes squinting, clearly readjusting to the room around him. He leans back to stretch, and several places in his back and shoulders crack impressively loudly.
“Fuck,” he sighs, voice strained, one hand rubbing at the back of his neck. “Why are you in here?”
“I brought you lunch,” you murmur, lifting the takeout bag for him to witness. He frowns at it, then up at you, like he can’t quite figure out what’s happening.
“Thanks,” he eventually manages. “You can just leave it. I’m nowhere near done with all my—”
You cut him off before he can finish. “Go home, Yoongi.”
The look of slack-jawed confusion on his face is enough to nearly make you laugh. “What?”
“I said go home.”
His brow furrows. “You’re not my boss.”
“I’m not saying it as your boss,” you sigh. “But you need to eat, and sleep. This isn’t healthy.”
Yoongi huffs a little, exasperated. “That’s easy for you to say, but I have so much stupid admin stuff to get caught up on.” He gestures halfheartedly to a massive to-do list pulled up on his monitor, one he’s barely a quarter of the way through.
Suppressing the urge to roll your eyes, you hum, feigning thought. “If only you had someone who could help with that. Some kind of… Admin Bitch.”
The comment must catch him off-guard, because he outright laughs. “You know, I still haven’t changed your contact name.”
You quirk an eyebrow. “Then you should go before I question why I’m being nice to you. I’ll leave a note for tomorrow with anything I can’t figure out for myself. Assuming you trust my ability to do my job.” As if to indicate that you are no longer open to discussing the subject, you shove the takeout bag into Yoongi’s chest, and he wraps both arms around it, still looking entirely dazed.
But to your surprise, he doesn’t fight you, just slowly rolls his desk chair back and gets to his feet. You watch carefully as he shifts the bag of food to one arm, then grabs his work bag and slings it over his shoulder. “I, uh— thanks.”
You wave a hand as if to tell him not to mention it, and then you plop down into his chair and get to work, barely phased by the sound of the door clicking shut when he leaves.
~*~
As you settle in at your desk the next morning, it dawns on you how close the Grammys have started to loom, made abundantly clear by the overwhelming amount of prep you find yourself launched into. You don’t think you look up from your screen once, not even bothering to greet coworkers as they push through the doors, until the muted tap of something being placed on your desk startles you.
You see the cup of coffee first, and when you glance up expecting a pair of Baby Star Candy eyes, you instead find Yoongi hovering at the edge of your desk, like he’s not sure what he’s doing there. You make zero attempts to hide your total shock at whatever the fuck is going on in this moment.
He looks— good. Fresh-faced, like he managed to actually get some sleep, a little less gaunt. Even his expression seems weirdly pleasant, something you might mistake for happiness if you thought that he was capable of such an emotion.
There’s a crinkling sound, and when he gently sets a small wax paper pastry bag on your desk next to the coffee, you’re sure that you’ve overslept your alarm and are in the depths of a wild, ridiculous dream. It’s the only way any of this can be happening.
You blink up at him as you hesitantly reach for the bag, like you’re scared it might bite you.
“It’s maple,” he says as you slowly pick it up and investigate the contents. It’s still warm. “I asked for the most disgustingly sweet thing they had.”
Too overwhelmed, you set the pastry bag back down wordlessly. As you do, it’s only now that your eyes focus on the letters “AB” sketched in black marker on the side of the coffee cup, where a barista would typically write your name.
Yoongi’s eyes must be watching yours carefully, because he huffs a laugh as he sees realization dawn over your face. “Making them actually write Admin Bitch seemed a bit much.”
You can’t manage to find a laugh to match his, can only sit there, shell-shocked. When you look up again, he’s already walking backwards in the direction of his lab, but his eyes are still on you. “I’d tell you not to tell anyone, but I don’t think they’d believe you even if you did.”
And just like that, he’s gone again.
You remain unconvinced that both of his gifts aren’t secretly poisoned, but your desperate need for a fresh hit of caffeine overwhelms any other emotion. Carefully, you lift the cup to your lips and take a sip— it’s not scalding, but still perfectly hot, and your eyes widen as the flavor hits your tongue.
Two cream, three sugar. Exactly how you like it.
Before you’ve even had time to swallow, Jungkook is suddenly rounding the corner from the opposite direction, and you have to make a conscious effort not to choke.
He slows to a stop, and you watch him take in the coffee cup clutched between your hands like a lifeline. “Hey! You seriously snuck out for coffee without me?” His tone is mock-hurt, but you can’t help wondering whether it’s entirely put on.
Your gaze drops back down to the cup. “Sorry, JK. Someone else picked this up for me.”
Jungkook doesn’t pry into your vague statement, but a sinking feeling in your stomach tells you that maybe he doesn’t have to.
~*~
It’s Saturday night by the time your schedule aligns with Jimin’s for a night out, and given that it’s the last time you’ll see him before you leave for Los Angeles, you manage to guilt him into driving. The bar you choose is a shitty dive nowhere near your office, where you’re certain you won’t have to worry about any accidental encounters.
Or any encounters at all, as it turns out. The place is dead.
“I think we’re single-handedly keeping them open tonight,” Jimin murmurs with a grimace as you grab a pair of stools.
The bartender pours you each two shots and two beers, then returns to their side work at the far end of the bar in an apparent attempt to give the two of you some privacy.
It’s only once you’ve had your first shot and are halfway through the accompanying beer that you’re able to speak the words aloud: “I had sex in the office again.”
Jimin glances up at the ceiling, as if asking for strength, and you recount the full story mostly to the wood grain in front of you, unable to look your best friend in the face while you catch him up on everything.
When you fill in the final details, Jimin nearly spits his drink out. “Suga really hatefucked you on a conference table?! I need to go buy some lottery tickets.” He throws back his second shot, and there’s a smug smile on his face as he swallows it down. “God, I love being psychic.”
You shove an elbow into his ribs. “Listen. I don’t know what’s fucking happening anymore, Mochi. Sometimes he’s insufferable but now sometimes we apparently mildly tolerate and are even nice to each other. Like, coffee and a pastry nice.” You smack your hand on the bar for emphasis as you repeat the words. “Coffee. And. A. Pastry.”
“So,” Jimin clasps his hands together as he surveys you. There’s a look on his face like he’s clearly expecting you to draw some conclusion from all of this, but it seems to have entirely escaped you. “What have we learned?”
You drop your head down on the bar with a resounding thud. “We’ve learned that Min Yoongi is ruining my life.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
Voice muffled slightly, you groan. “Don’t make me say it louder.”
“No, what did you just say?” You lift your head up to look at him, and his expression is deadly serious, his eyes sharp and focused. “Min Yoongi? I know Min Yoongi.”
You give him the same look right back. “You what?”
“We were trainees together. I— wait, Min Yoongi is Suga the producer? Really?!” He scrambles for his phone and you just sit there, dumbfounded.
“How are you only now telling me that you know him?”
Jimin glances up, incredulous. “Um, hi, because you literally never fucking told me Suga is Min Yoongi?”
You roll your eyes. “Please, surely I have said his name to you at least once.”
It’s Jimin’s turn to smack the bar, and he does so loudly. “Run those tapes back, ma’am! We have always called him Suga.”
“You’re telling me you’ve never even Googled him?!”
He makes a face like the mere suggestion is ridiculous. “I am an adult, with a job and a very needy boyfriend. Your chaos already monopolizes too much of my time.”
The search on his phone loads, and you watch Jimin tap and scroll slowly, mouth dropping open in disbelief. “Min Yoongi is Suga. Wow. I think I need a minute.”
Jimin’s earlier words finally catch up to you, and you finish the last of your first beer before you dare ask the question. “Yoongi was really a trainee?”
“He was,” Jimin confirms, gaze still locked on his phone. “Obviously he didn’t debut either. He left a few months before I did. I always wondered what happened to him.”
“What was he like?” Your voice comes out soft, a little unsure.
His eyes widen, staring off unfocused as he searches through his memory. “I mean, we weren’t super close, he’s a few years older than me. But it doesn’t sound like that much has changed if I think about what you’ve told me. He was quiet, not too personable. Worked hard. Didn’t really seem that close to anybody. I think maybe he had a difficult home life?”
Your stomach drops a little as Jimin pauses, choosing his words. “Like I guess his parents weren’t very supportive. So I think he felt like he had a lot to prove, and had really high standards for himself. But he obviously loved music. Makes sense that he ended up a producer. It’s like me and dance, right?” He picks up his beer with a shrug, staring thoughtfully down at the amber liquid. “Man. Those years were tough.”
As Jimin takes a sip of his drink and then continues on about his trainee days, your head starts to spin. You throw back your second shot in hopes that it might help.
You wish you could go back and unlearn this information, unsay the name Min Yoongi. Because you don’t want to think about him. You don’t want to know that Min Yoongi gets nervous about public speaking, that he likes his coffee iced, that he can’t say no to street cart tteokbokki, that he used to be a trainee, that he worked an unpaid job in Daegu, that he had a disapproving family and never felt good enough and maybe still doesn’t.
Min Yoongi was so simple when you first met him, back when he was a two-dimensional character, the antagonist of your TV show life, your enemy. But now he’s none of those things. He’s a real, flawed, complicated person, and your feelings for him are confusing and overwhelming. And you deeply do not want to think about your feelings. You don’t want to examine them, don’t want to hold them up to the light for fear of what you might find. It occurs to you in this moment that you don’t want to think about anything at all.
With a sigh, you scoot your chair back from the bar, then get to your feet.
“What are you doing?” Jimin interrupts himself to ask as you dig your phone out of your purse.
You’re doing the only thing that makes sense. “I’m gonna go fuck him,” you say, resigned, and then you make your way out the front door of the bar as you pull up Yoongi’s contact in your phone.
It’s only as the line starts to ring that you realize you don’t exactly have a location in mind. Sex in a bar bathroom is an experience you have no desire to repeat, and the thought of Yoongi seeing your shithole apartment makes your drinks threaten a return appearance.
You’re starting to consider that maybe you should just hang up and forget the idea entirely when Yoongi’s voice startles you.
“Uh, hi?”
“Hi.”
There’s a pause as you realize you didn’t actually plan how to have this conversation, and then you and Yoongi speak in tandem.
“I was just wondering—”
“Is there a reason you—”
“Shut up,” you snap, agitated by your own awkwardness. “What are you doing right now?”
Yoongi laughs darkly into the phone. “I’m sorry, is this a booty call?”
“Answer the question, asshole.”
There’s a slight shifting sound, like he’s making himself comfortable. “Nothing. Drinking.”
“Great, same here.”
Another pause, and you swear you can hear Yoongi slow blinking, can see the stupid smirk on his face when you close your eyes. “Would you like to come over, then?”
“Yes,” you answer, trying to sound more confident than you feel, and then you falter slightly. You’re not about to ask Jimin to drive you— you don’t trust him enough to stay in the car and behave, not when he’s been drinking. “Uh, are you by any chance near a bus stop?”
Yoongi doesn’t even try to suppress his snort of laughter. “I’m not. But I can send a car.”
“You don’t have to do that,” you say quickly, trying to think. “I can figure something—”
“Please,” Yoongi cuts you off. “If you’re really calling me begging to get fucked, the least I can do is provide the transportation. Just send me your location.”
“Fine,” you concede, and your voice comes out harsh. “But to be clear, I am not begging.”
He hums a low note, like he’s thinking it over. “Not yet,” he ultimately responds. “See you soon.”
You swallow hard as the call disconnects.
The time it takes for the car to arrive is just enough for you to slip back inside and finish your beer, and Jimin’s eyes narrow with frustration when you’re unable to explain yourself.
“Didn’t you just complain that this man was ruining your life?”
“Yes,” you retort. “And then I thought it over, and I decided that’s my job.” Your phone buzzes with the notification that the car is outside, and you quickly swig the last of your drink. “Bye.”
Jimin’s face twists like he’s holding further commentary back, which you didn’t think he was capable of doing without combusting. “Alright, babygirl,” he finally sighs, defeated. “Call me if you need saving.”
“I always do,” you deadpan as you lean in to press a kiss to his cheek.
~*~
Yoongi doesn’t say anything when he opens the door for you, just nods his head to the interior of his apartment to gesture you inside, letting the door swing wider so you can step past him. He shuts it again as you slip your heels off, and it takes you a second to adjust to your true height difference, the fact that you have to look a little further up to meet his gaze now.
“Want a drink?” is his delayed greeting, and you shrug.
“Yeah, okay. Just whatever you’re having.”
Without another word, he turns and heads down the hallway, and you follow after him, taking in your surroundings as you move further inside. It’s only now that it occurs to you how rich he must be. His place is identical to any one of the swanky, million-dollar Hannam apartments of which you’ve spent thousands of hours watching YouTube tours. You try to keep your expression neutral as you follow him into the living room, but it’s hard not to be impressed.
Yoongi crosses the room to a mini-bar, built into the far wall and softly backlit with inset LEDs. You pull your bottom lip into your mouth as you hover nervously for a second, then finally choose to drop down onto the large, L-shaped couch, setting your purse on the floor next to you.
“Thoughts—” When Yoongi’s voice breaks the silence, you start a little, not expecting it. “—on single malt whiskey?” He turns over his shoulder, and you shrug back at him.
“Never met one I didn’t like.”
The corner of his mouth pulls up, just barely. “Alright.” You watch as he grabs a dark green bottle off the shelf, coating the bottom of a glass with the amber liquid inside, then just barely topping up what must be his own drink. He crosses back to the couch, hands you yours, then drops down a respectable distance away from you with a sigh of effort.
The atmosphere is certainly different from what you’d expected, and Yoongi must be able to tell you’re a little on edge, not sure what to do or why you thought coming here was a good idea.
He glances over at you as he swirls the contents of his glass. “Not feeling up for much small talk tonight. Sorry.”
“That’s fine,” you say quickly. “We don’t have to talk.”
As soon as the words leave your mouth, you grit your teeth in anticipation of the smug smile, the cocky smirk at your unintended double meaning, but it never comes. Yoongi stays just as he is, slouched forward, his eyes unfocused, like he’s got a thousand thoughts running through his mind at once.
You turn sideways on the couch so you can look over the back of it and out of the large picture window behind you, where the city is alive in a blur of light and color, bracketed by the dark swath of the Han River.
Yoongi’s whiskey is strong but smooth, tastes like the bottle probably cost more than the entire bar-tab you and Jimin rang up tonight, and you sip it slowly. The thought of your best friend sparks something in your mind— you find yourself speaking again in spite of your previous statement.
“I just found out that you know my best friend. Park Jimin.”
At this, Yoongi looks up, clearly stunned. “No shit?” You nod, taking another pull from your drink, and he shakes his head. “I haven’t heard that name in years. How is he?”
“He’s good,” you murmur, the sharp taste of alcohol lingering on the back of your tongue. “He’s really good. He actually just performed in the concert I took Jungkook to.”
Yoongi pauses, glass halfway to his lips. “What group is he in? For someone in the industry I am atrocious at keeping up with this shit.”
“Oh, he’s not, he’s just a back-up dancer now. He never debuted.” 
Yoongi nods slowly. “Well. Makes two of us.”
Your chest starts to tighten a little— you’re weirdly nervous to talk to him about this. It feels like uncharted territory. “I can’t believe you were a trainee.”
He leans back, resting his free arm over the back of the couch, fingers tapping idly. “I can’t either, most days. It was a long time ago. Feels like it happened to somebody else.”
Torn between deep curiosity and not wanting to pry, you stare down at the liquid swirling in your glass and leave it up to Yoongi. To your surprise, he keeps talking.
“So what did Jimin tell you about me?”
The unexpected question makes you laugh a little. “Uh… I don’t know. Said you sound like you’re still the same as you were back then. Keeping to yourself and working a lot.”
You don’t know if you should repeat everything, but the liquor loosens your tongue. “He said your parents weren’t very supportive.”
You glance up to see Yoongi shake his head, matter-of-fact. “They were not. So you can imagine how well they took it when I quit.” Your heart sinks at the thought. “Probably put a chip on my shoulder, if I want to be introspective about it. Explains the workaholic tendencies, maybe.”
He takes a longer sip of his drink this time, chasing his swallow with a grimace as he stares at the floor. “It’s funny. I always feel like I have to do better, even now. I get obsessed with work because it’s better than being depressed. And most of the time it feels like there’s nothing else to do anyway. I just work myself to death because it’s my only reason to stay alive.”
Your stomach drops sharply, and you can’t help but look over at him as he continues, feeling thoroughly unprepared for this sudden insight into the inner workings of Min Yoongi.
“It doesn’t even matter what milestones I hit, the fame, the fortune, whatever. I’m going to the fucking Grammys next week and it still doesn’t feel good enough.” His eyes flicker up to find yours, and his voice is quieter now. “Even if I win, I know it won’t. How sad is that?”
“You sound like my dad,” you mutter into your glass, and then your gaze snaps back to Yoongi as you realize what you’ve just said.
He looks as surprised as you feel, and you steady yourself as you take a swig of your drink and swallow it down. Fuck it. If he can overshare, so can you. “Work always came first, before family, before everything. And you know what happened? He dropped dead in his office before he even turned fifty. They said it was probably stress.”
There’s a flash of something in Yoongi’s eyes, but he doesn’t try to interrupt you.
“It makes me so mad,” you say, and you will yourself not to get emotional, your grip on your drink tightening slightly. “Because he worked so fucking hard thinking that once he got to a certain place, he’d be happy. Just a little more, then he could relax. But he never got there. He worked non-stop his whole life and then he fucking died. That’s it.
“And you know what’s really fucked up?” You don’t wait for Yoongi to respond— you can’t stop it all from coming out now, like a tap turned on high.
“People say grief makes you resilient, that it makes you stronger, or kinder, that we go through these things and they’re hard but you learn from them and grow or whatever the fuck. And I don’t feel like any of that shit is true for me. My dad died, and I just got worse.” A self-deprecating laugh flutters out around your words. “I’m selfish. I’m lazy. I make terrible choices. I deeply cannot fucking stand myself, if I’m honest with you. Jimin is like the one friend I still keep in touch with who knew me when my dad was alive, because everyone else just… didn’t know what to do with me. And I don’t blame them.
“And it makes me feel like such a fucking asshole, because he died, and I’m sitting here complaining about me. It’s like I don’t even miss him as much as I just miss… the way things used to be. The person I used to be.” You let yourself take a breath, but the final thought, the part you don’t usually say out loud, slips out with it. “It’s like she died, too.”
There’s a long pause that feels like an eternity, and you realize your heart is racing in your chest. You lean back against the couch with a sigh of frustration, too embarrassed at your own word vomit to do anything but stare at the stupidly high ceiling. You’re so wrapped up in the rush of saying it all— it’s been a while since you’ve gone this deep with anyone— that it takes you a second to notice that Yoongi is laughing softly.
“Wow. And here I thought you were just a slacker.”
The words make you glance over at him. You haven’t divulged these feelings to many people, but nearly everyone you’ve told has responded the same: awkward apologies, shitty words of affirmation you didn’t ask for, waxing poetic bullshit lies about how you’re not a bad person. A road paved with good intentions, things meant to console you that only make you want to scream. 
But Yoongi gives you none of that. He just nods, like he understands.
“Well,” you counter, trying not to let the shock read on your face. “I thought you were just an asshole.”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong. I am an asshole. I’ll own that.” He smirks into his glass as he takes another sip of his drink. “Do you want to know something?”
“What?”
He suddenly pauses, like he’s not sure how to word it, like he maybe regrets asking the question at all. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him so hesitant before. “You have to not make a big deal about it.”
“Okay,” you say simply. You’re willing to return the favor.
“The night I left the studio door unlocked, and there was the break-in,” Yoongi starts, his thumb fiddling with the ring on his index finger. Something twists in your stomach, an intuition you can’t explain that makes it immediately clear to you what he’s about to say. “I wasn’t thinking about locking up that night because I... was planning to kill myself.”
It’s like all the air is sucked out of the room, and you will yourself not to react, gripping your glass until your knuckles blanch. Your eyes drop to the floor as you try to process the weight of his words.
“But you didn’t,” you reply dumbly.
“No, I didn’t. I walked up and down the bridge over the river for a long time. Probably an hour, maybe more, I don’t know.” You look up to the window again, tracing the inkblot snake of the river in the distance.
“I thought about it, and then I decided to go home. I thought that maybe I could give it just one more day and see what happened. And then when I got to work the next day, I was in such deep shit about the break-in, I felt like everyone would blame themselves if I did it after that. Like they’d think they were too hard on me.” He laughs bitterly to himself. “Like I’m not always the one who is hardest on myself.”
“Yoongi,” you breathe. “I don’t know what to say.”
He shrugs. “You don’t have to say anything. It just feels nice to tell someone.”
There’s a heavy silence between you, and heat rushes to your face as the words leave your mouth before you can stop them. “I’m glad you didn’t do it.”
He glances over at you, brows pinched together like he doesn’t believe you. “You hate me.”
“I do not!” The insistence in your voice surprises even you. In an attempt to ground yourself, you press your palm to the side of your drink and try to focus on the feeling, the cool surface against your flushed skin. “I mean, I definitely did. But now, I don’t know. Would I really be wasting my Saturday night here if I hated you?”
Yoongi pauses with his glass halfway to his mouth, and you can see him fighting to keep a smile off his face. “Look at me, you came over here to fuck and I turned it into a therapy session. Christ.”
With a final shake of his head, he downs the last of his drink in one swallow. “You want a tour?”
You follow Yoongi as he takes a winding path through the various rooms of his apartment, and you continue to sip at your drink, barely processing any of what he shows you. Your mind is still spinning from the conversation, and that paired with the cotton fuzz of strong liquor makes everything feel muted and far away.
As anticipated, the tour ends in his bedroom, which matches the rest of the place: sleek, minimally decorated, and bathed in the soft glow of inset strip lighting that runs the length of the ceiling.
When Yoongi sets his empty glass down on the dresser, you mirror him, then watch as he steps in to close the distance between you. As your eyes search his, you realize you’re once again caught between conflicting versions of Min Yoongi, still trying to reconcile the one you thought you knew with the person who just spilled his guts all over the living room floor. It feels impossible to hold the two of them together in your mind.
Up close, his smirk seems to soften. “You’re a lot shorter without those heels.”
Before you even understand what you’re doing, or why, you take his face in your hands and kiss him. It’s only a split second, your lips barely brushing over his, and then you quickly pull away, struck by the reality of what you’ve just done.
“Shit,” you breathe, dropping your hands and taking a step back. You stumble slightly as a hot wave of shame rushes up in your chest. “Sorry, I just—”
You don’t get to finish the thought, because Yoongi’s touch is sliding over the curve of your waist, and then he’s dragging you back toward him until his mouth finds yours again. The taste of whiskey lingers on his soft lips as they move against yours— you can’t help but whimper a little at how hungrily he kisses you. Like he’s wanted to do it for a long time.
The idea overwhelms you, and you pull away from him again, your lips still ghosting over his. “Yoongi.” You try your best to sound firm when you say his name, pressing one hand against his chest as you look up at him. “This… can’t mean anything.”
You can feel the heat of his breath when he laughs softly. “It doesn’t have to. I’ve been trying to tell you that.”
Too desperate for his mouth to want to argue, you decide to let him win. “Okay,” you sigh. Your hand is already tangled in his long, dark hair by the time his lips meet yours again.
“Get on the bed,” Yoongi murmurs between kisses, and you do as he says.
Moving backwards, you crawl up toward the pillows while Yoongi crosses the room to hit a panel on the wall, dimming the soft lights overhead until they’re barely there. He comes back to join you, strong hands wordlessly guiding you to lay down beneath him.
It’s weird to not be rushing through this: to feel like you can take your time as he kisses you again, as you lick into his mouth to roll your tongue over his, as one of his hands starts to creep under your skirt to gently rub up and down the length of your thigh.
The motions of his hand push the fabric higher and higher, until it’s as far up as it can go, and he leans back, clearly not satisfied.
“Can I take this off?” he asks, and you nod, sitting up to help as he pulls your dress up over your head.
It occurs to you a beat too late that you’ve never been this naked in front of him before, and your heartbeat flutters. “You too,” you murmur, pinching gently at the hem of Yoongi’s t-shirt, and he smirks as he reaches one hand between his shoulder blades to tug it off entirely.
You take him in as he drops the shirt to his bedroom floor: he’s broad-shouldered in a way you’ve never noticed under all his baggy clothes, with firm definition in the muscles of his chest and arms, and there’s a flush of warm glow to his pale skin.
As you blink up at Yoongi, more than dazed, you realize his eyes are roaming over your body, too. “Fuck,” he swears under his breath, and you resist the sudden urge to hide from his surveying gaze. “You have great tits.”
You’re not sure what you were expecting, but it wasn’t that, and the surprise of it makes you laugh.
“Just for that, I’ll let you see them,” you say, unable to keep the teasing edge out of your voice as you lean forward to reach behind your back. Your hands shake a little more than you’d like as you fumble to undo your bra and toss it off the side of the bed to join everything else.
Your nipples stiffen quickly in the cool air of his room, and when you lay back again, Yoongi covers your body with his, the movement paired with a groan that’s nearly a growl. You can’t hold back your own soft sounds as his lips and tongue move down your neck, and it occurs to you now that there’s so much that the two of you have never done before. So many steps you skipped.
Like the way Yoongi cups one of your breasts in his hand, rolling his thumb over your nipple to earn a louder whine from you. “Shit,” you gasp as he does it again, his mouth still trailing kisses between the valley of your breasts.
“God,” Yoongi hisses against your skin. “You drive me fuckin’ crazy.”
With his thumb continuing to work at one nipple, he takes the other into his mouth, and you can feel the way your arousal is starting to soak through your panties as he sucks firmly at the stiff peak. You arch up into him, and then he’s shifting to roll your nipple between his teeth and tug, and you can’t help it— you flinch and yelp beneath him, overwhelmed.
He quickly pulls his mouth off of you, eyes flashing up to find yours. “Sensitive?”
You nod, face flushing, embarrassed. “A little bit of teeth is okay. Too much hurts.”
“Okay,” Yoongi answers softly. He licks up the underside of your breast to pull the bud of it back into his mouth, and the swirl of his tongue there soothes like an apology. When he just barely grazes his teeth across the sensitive peak, it’s enough to make you keen, your eyes rolling back as they flutter closed.
“Oh, fuck, just like that.”
With a wet noise, he pulls off to switch sides, repeating the firm suction, the drag of his tongue, the slightest brush of teeth. His fingers pinch gently at your other nipple, made slick with his spit, and he keeps working you lazily, unhurried, until your body writhes underneath his.
“Yoongi—” You try to catch your breath, and you run a hand through his hair to pull his mouth off of you. His jaw is still dropped open slightly when he meets your gaze. “Touch me.”
His lips pull into a smug smile. “Told you you’d beg.”
Your grip on his hair tightens in response. “Not begging. Ordering.”
Yoongi tuts gently, like he’s disappointed. “I don’t follow orders, sweetheart.”
As much as his teasing irritates you, a twin smile to his spreads across your face. “I’ll kill you,” you murmur, releasing your grip as he shifts back onto his knees.
It gets harder to focus on your bloodlust when his palms run over the curve of your hips, then press between your legs to part your thighs. “Don’t threaten me with a good time,” he deadpans as his fingers slip under the waistband of your panties and he starts to drag the lace down your legs.
“That’s fucking dark,” you can’t help but laugh as you kick your underwear the rest of the way off.
Yoongi licks his lips, clearly distracted, and you spread yourself wider for him. “This pussy,” he grunts hoarsely, like he’s talking to himself more than you. “Gets so puffy when you want it. All tight inside, too.” He unexpectedly slaps the whole of his hand over your center, and you gasp, your hips jolting up.
You don’t even have time to respond before he’s pressing a finger into you, your cunt squeezing tight enough to reward him with an audible noise as he fucks it in and out. “Fuck,” you groan.
“You get this wet just from having your tits played with, huh?”
The thorough analysis makes you huff a laugh, because he’s not wrong, and it stutters into a moan when his thumb gently starts to circle your clit.
“God,” you manage to choke out, “you’re fucking chatty tonight.”
Yoongi smirks, and you’re not sure why until he speaks again, his voice now pinched in a clear imitation as he withdraws his hand. “I’m sorry, is there somewhere you’d rather I put my mouth?”
Your jaw drops in disbelief as he repeats your own stupid tease from weeks ago back to you. “I’ve changed my mind,” you snap, sitting up a little, and Yoongi glances at you, already in the midst of settling between your spread thighs. “I do still hate you.”
“That’s fine,” he says with a shrug, and then he leans in to lick a thick, wet stripe up your slit. His mouth is immediately dizzying, and you drop your head back against the pillow, overwhelmed.
It’s another thing you’ve never done before, at least not with Min Yoongi. As he repeats the motion over and over, lazy long strokes where he drags his tongue from your entrance all the way up to circle your clit, you mentally kick yourself for every missed chance, every opportunity to have his mouth that you didn’t take.
“What the fuck,” you breathe.
Yoongi just barely pulls off of you, close enough that a string of your arousal is still joined to his lower lip when he speaks. “You’re not the only one with good head game here.”
He dives in again like he’s determined to immediately prove his point, and you shove your legs open wider as he sucks your clit into his mouth.
As much as you’d like to bruise his ego, it’s impossible to keep yourself from moaning when he pairs the firm suction with the press of his index finger back into your tight heat. As wet as he’s made you, he’s easily able to slide a second in beside it now, and your nails scratch helplessly over the sheets beneath you.
“Yoongi,” you gasp as he curls his digits to beckon inside you, stroking over your front wall and easily finding the spot that makes you gush. He does it again and again, like a button press, working up more and more arousal until you’re dripping down his wrist.
Even the way he hums against your pussy sounds like a smirk, but you’re too far gone to care. Yoongi starts to flick his tongue steadily over your clit, matching the rhythm of his fingers pumping into your g-spot, and you can feel the pressure in your core building, a band pulled tight enough to snap.
Your hips buck up toward his mouth in an overwhelmed reflex, and Yoongi’s free hand is immediately there like he was expecting it. His palm presses firmly to your lower abdomen to hold you down and keep you there, and even that feels good too, renders you entirely helpless to his mouth and his hands as he takes you apart.
“Fuck,” you moan, loud and unabashed now. “Fuck, yes, I’m—”
The feeling overtakes you before you can get another word out, and you nearly sob as your orgasm rips through you, your whole body straining hard against Yoongi’s strong hand as he pins you to the bed. The extra pressure on your core pushes a rush of fluid out of your cunt, enough to soak the sheets beneath you as your muscles contract around Yoongi’s fingers.
“Oh my god,” he doesn’t even pull away to groan, and the low vibration of the words against your throbbing clit makes your thighs tremble.
There’s a wet smack of his lips and tongue as he finally relents, the pace of his fingers slowing as he continues to work you through the aftershocks. You desperately try to remember how to breathe as you start to come down.
Yoongi is a fucking sight when he leans back to look up at you: long hair falling in his face, eyes dark with lust, lips and chin slick with your arousal. “Did you seriously just squirt?”
It’s been a long time since anyone has managed to make it happen, and you suddenly feel overwhelmed in a different way. Still recovering, you can barely get the words out. “Shut up.”
“What the fuck do you mean, ‘shut up’? It was hot,” Yoongi grunts, and you’re at least grateful that you don’t have to have the ‘it’s not pee’ conversation right now. He ducks his head down again as he withdraws his fingers, and his tongue drags up the crux of your thighs to chase a few stray droplets. You squirm, oversensitive, your legs nearly snapping shut around his neck, and he takes the cue to back off with a soft laugh.
You’re too spent to fight it when he starts to manhandle you a little, palms slipping under your ass to drag you further down the bed until your hips are flush with his, then encouraging your knees to pull up toward your chest. “Think you can do that on my cock?”
The question sparks something in your core, the first lick of a freshly lit flame, and you prop yourself up on your forearms to better meet his gaze. “Make me.”
Yoongi’s appreciative smile is nearly a snarl, and he shifts lower on the bed to quickly strip out of his pants and boxers. You watch as he starts to crawl back up your body, anticipation tightening in your core, and then a flash of realization crosses his face and he freezes.
“Fuck,” he swears, and your stomach drops.
“What’s wrong?”
“I forgot I’m out of condoms.” Your eyes widen as his gaze meets yours. “Do you have any?”
You shake your head. “Not with me.”
A muscle in his jaw works as he exhales a resigned sigh, and you reach out, one hand finding his bicep to stop him before he leaves. You want it too much, bad idea or not. “Just… fuck me anyway.”
His expression goes deadly serious, and there’s a long moment before he responds. “You’re sure?”
You swallow hard as you nod, your eyes searching his. “Just pull out, okay?” You hate yourself for saying the final word before it even leaves your lips. “Please.”
“Okay,” Yoongi repeats back to you, and his hands press to your thighs again to encourage your knees up as he positions himself between your legs. There’s a feeling humming in the space between your bodies, like the reality of the situation has settled over the both of you. The reckless abandon of the previous moment is gone, replaced with something slower, more hesitant. Heavier.
With your eyes fixed on his face, you feel it first: the weight and warmth of his cock grinding over your slit, sliding easily with how soaked you are. You look down to see it for yourself, flushed dark and hard enough to leak precum, trailing a glossy sheen over your folds as Yoongi guides it against you, one hand gripped firmly to the base. He teases the head of his dick over your clit and keeps it there, and you’re still sensitive enough to whimper at the feeling.
“Please,” you repeat, and he’s too focused to be smug about it. He just nods as he drags his cock back down to your entrance, then braces one hand against your thigh and starts to push in.
You exhale softly at the welcome stretch, familiar made new at the lack of anything between you. You can feel it all: the thick swell of the head of his cock as he eases you open, how he throbs gently as your walls squeeze around him, so tight that you can even feel the prominent veins that trace down his shaft.
You’re still wet and getting wetter from the way he fills you up entirely, your arousal drenching the length of him when he bottoms out with an audible slick sound. His cock twitches, buried to the hilt, and even that barely-there motion is enough to coax a breathy moan from you.
“Shit,” Yoongi laughs softly, and the tinge of humility to his voice makes you glance up at him again. “Not gonna be able to go that fast. Feels too good.”
“It’s okay,” you murmur. “Just…”
The words won’t come. It would mean too much to say what you want, and this isn’t supposed to mean anything at all.
So you don’t say them: you just hook your arms over his shoulders and pull his mouth down to yours. “Just fuck me,” you murmur against his lips. He grunts a low note of appreciation as he kisses you, as he starts to drag his cock out of you just to fuck it back in again.
It’s shallow, it’s slow, it’s nothing like what you’re used to with Yoongi, but it’s good. Good enough to make your kisses sloppy when you trade open-mouthed breaths, good enough to make you tilt your head and slide the flat of your tongue over Yoongi’s unabashedly, like an earned reward.
He pushes your knees up a little more, thrusting deeper this time, and the new angle drags the head of his cock right over your g-spot. You whine at the heavy weight of him, the shudder that ripples through you in response, and he stays there, stroking steadily to rub that spot again and again until your eyes roll back in your head.
“Oh my god, Yoongi,” you gasp into his mouth.
“Shit,” he groans shakily, reaching one hand up to brush his hair out of his eyes. A few dark strands stick to the sheen of sweat on his forehead. “Squeezing me so fucking tight.”
Your arousal coils hot and fast inside of you as he keeps thrusting, and you have to break away from kissing him to tip your head back on the pillow and moan. “Fuck, please don’t stop, I’m—”
It feels like the final second before your climax when Yoongi pulls out, sitting back on his knees between your spread legs with a low groan. The sudden loss of his cock makes your walls clench at nothing, and you whine, petulant. “Yoongi!”
“Sorry,” he mutters, breathless. “Almost came.” You glance up to see him squeezing at the base of his cock with one hand, his chest heaving with effort. Your hips tilt up toward him, jealous.
“I miss your cock,” you whine, fucked close enough to be shameless.
“You’ll get it,” he retorts, and then you feel three of his fingers press in to fill the space he left behind inside of you. “Want to make you come again first.”
You keen as he starts to pump them, wrist angled just right to meet your g-spot each time. “Oh fuck, Yoongi.” The arousal in your core aches as he fucks you open on his fingers, and you can hear how wet you are in the soaked squelch of your needy pussy, can feel it leaking down your thighs.
His thumb brushes over your clit with every upstroke of his hand, and it makes you gasp, your moans starting to pitch higher. “Harder, baby, please, I’m so close.”
Too lost in the feeling, you barely notice when Yoongi laughs a little, but he does as you ask, and the way he pounds into you is just enough to work you over the edge. Waves of pleasure rip through your body as you come for a second time, squirting a little on his sheets again, your thighs shaking violently.
“That’s it, there you go, fuck,” Yoongi groans appreciatively at the sight.
You’ve just barely made it past your peak, still shuddering all over, when Yoongi withdraws his fingers to shove his cock back in again, and you keen.
He thrusts like a man close to his own end, fast and hard, his breath coming in ragged pants of effort and pleasure. Your pussy pulses around him, squeezing like a vice, so swollen with sensitivity that it really does feel like he’s splitting you open every time he fucks into you.
You moan unabashedly now and cling to him all over, legs bracketing his snapping hips, nails of one hand digging into his shoulder, the other hand tangled in his hair. Your cunt throbs and gushes around him as he strokes, and it still feels like you’re coming: you can’t tell if it’s an intensely drawn-out second orgasm or if the hot stretch of his cock worked you seamlessly into a third.
When he finally pulls out, you drop back against the bed with an exhausted groan, every inch of you fucked into oblivion. You can barely focus your eyes to watch as Yoongi shoves his hips up to straddle yours, one hand working his cock until his release overtakes him.
He flattens both palms to the mattress as he starts to come, groaning softly and rocking his hips so that his cock grinds against your stomach. The head of his dick twitches visibly, leaking pulse after pulse of sticky gloss over your skin, and he smears his cock through it as he ruts against you. He keeps going, rolling his hips and rubbing the mess across your stomach until he’s thoroughly spent, until you’re both flushed and sticky all over.
“Holy fucking shit,” is all he can manage when he finally collapses down on the bed next to you.
You glance over at him and nod, trying to imply without speaking that the feeling is mutual. He meets your gaze, and you lay like that for several long minutes of silence as your breathing slows, eyes fixed on each other as your heartbeats race through the comedown.
It’s hard to believe that any part of tonight has been real, and you can’t help but wonder if he’s thinking the same thing.
As the post-orgasm glow starts to settle, exhaustion hits you like a train. You groan, breaking the prolonged eye contact to throw an arm over your face, blocking out Yoongi’s bedroom with the crook of your elbow.
You’re not expecting it when he softly says your name, and something in your gut tells you that whatever’s coming isn’t good. You will yourself not to look back again, to stay as still as a statue when you answer him. “Hmm?”
“You know Jungkook is in love with you, right?”
The plan to not move goes out the window at his words. Your pulse spikes, and you drop your arm to look at him, your face twisted in confusion. “What?!”
Yoongi studies your expression for a second, then makes a small hum of surprise. “Interesting. I figured you were just trying to let him down easy.”
“I— what?”
“You really didn’t know?” He scoffs, and his tone is enough to instantly make you set your jaw. “It’s pretty obvious. It’s funny, I guess he’s sort of inadvertently responsible for all of this.”
That takes a second to sink in, and you blink. “How?”
Yoongi stares up at the ceiling, seemingly nonplussed. “Well, when he asked me for the code to my office, I figured he wanted to take you in there and fuck you.”
Hot blood rushes to your chest, and you sit up a little. “You talked to Jungkook about fucking me?”
“No.” Yoongi blinks. “This was before anything happened. I haven’t told him anything. It was just clear he liked you, even back then, because I have eyes. So I was trying to do him a favor. He’s a good kid.”
You squint, still trying to catch up. “Why would Jungkook fuck me in your office?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know, it’s the only door that locks. Sometimes you get desperate.” You swallow the immediate urge to argue when your brain unhelpfully reminds you that you have in fact fucked Yoongi at the office. Twice.
“But you know, I figured he’d wine you, dine you, all that romantic crap first. I’m sure he’s a very respectable sex on the third date kind of guy.” That all-too-familiar smirk is back when he glances over at you again. “I guess neither of us realized who we were dealing with.”
You open and close your mouth a few times before you can remember how to speak. “I’m not having this conversation with you. Particularly not with your cum still on my stomach.”
Yoongi nods toward the en-suite. “There’s towels in there. Or you can shower if you want.”
Your head spins as you silently slip out of his bed, and you shut the bathroom door firmly behind you, wishing you could leave that entire conversation on the other side of it. Maybe his fancy shower will get hot enough to blast all the thoughts out of your brain, you reason, and it only takes a bit of fumbling with the knobs before you figure it out.
The water pressure is so much better than what you’re used to that you groan a little when you step under the spray. You turn in a semicircle, letting it beat down on your neck and shoulders as you close your eyes, willing the tension to melt out of your body. You really are exhausted, practically asleep on your feet, despite the way your mind is still racing.
You don’t know why you came here tonight. You don’t know what you thought would happen. You don’t know what makes you keep coming back to Yoongi, over and over, like a moth to a flame, like the definition of insanity. You don’t know why he opened up to you tonight, or why you decided to do the same— or what the fuck compelled him to say that Jungkook is in love with you. You don’t know if things are supposed to stay the same after tonight, or if they will be irrevocably different, and you don’t know which you’d even want.
You have no idea what you want, actually. Another drink would be nice.
The sound of the shower door opening startles you, pulling you up from your thought spiral, and your eyes snap open to see Yoongi shutting the door behind him. Without a word, he steps in to crowd you under the water, and you hate the way your heartbeat flutters when he’s close to you.
“What are you—” you try to ask, but you don’t get to finish the sentence before his hand cups your jaw and his mouth finds yours.
His kiss blots everything else from your brain, and in this moment, you’re grateful for it. You lean into him, letting him in deeper when his tongue traces your bottom lip, whimpering softly as his other hand presses to the small of your back to pull you closer.
You don’t know what he wants, either. Why he came in here. But you have a guess.
“Yoongi,” you murmur against his lips. “I can’t again. I’m so tired.”
“It’s okay,” he answers softly, and then his mouth drags you back in like a riptide.
You don’t know how long you stay there like that, kissing him under the steam and the spray, but you’re breathless when you finally pull away to look up at him. Water droplets are twined through his long, dark hair, collecting delicately on his eyelashes, trailing down his neck and over the muscles of his chest.
“You can sleep here tonight, if you want,” Yoongi offers, and before you can even process the words, he’s stepping back to push the shower door open behind him, and then he’s gone.
With the glass fogged over completely from the heat of the water, and the white noise of the fan overhead, you have no concept of when he leaves the bathroom, or what else he might be doing. You just know you feel entirely alone.
After scrubbing yourself thoroughly with a washcloth that you lather in Yoongi’s soap, you emerge from the shower, grabbing a towel from the linen cabinet to wrap up in. It’s weird to smell like him, sandalwood and musk, somehow both comforting and alienating.
When you nudge open the door to his room again, it’s empty, and the inset lighting has been turned off entirely, the room bathed only in the glow of the bedside lamp that’s been switched on.
He’s left out one of his t-shirts for you, and you recognize it as one you’ve seen him in often at work. You remember Googling the label once out of curiosity and nearly passing out at your desk when you saw the three hundred dollar price tag. You pull it on over your head, then return to the bathroom to hang your towel up.
As you slip back into the bedroom, you can’t help but wonder where Yoongi’s disappeared off to, but you’re too exhausted to go looking for him.
Though you figure he’ll be in eventually, your heart still sinks a little as you pull back the covers and crawl into his bed. It feels so much bigger when you’re the only one in it. You decide to leave the lamp on, then turn over to press your cheek to the pillow, and the waves of sleep almost immediately pull you under.
You’re still alone when you wake up in the morning, the other side of the bed entirely undisturbed. 
Blinking slowly, it takes you a moment to remember where you are, and then the night comes back to you piece by piece. The lamp on the nightstand is still on when you sit up and swing your legs over the edge of the bed.
Yawning and rubbing sleep from your eyes, you push open Yoongi’s bedroom door and pad down the hallway, trying to make sense of things. You have to retrace your steps all the way back to the living room before you find him, curled up on his side on the couch with one arm tucked under his head, still sleeping soundly.
He looks smaller like this. More vulnerable, maybe.
You wonder if you should’ve asked him to join you in his bed, and you wonder why he didn’t. Worrying your bottom lip between your teeth, you decide to let him rest.
You move through his apartment aimlessly, like a patron in a museum. Something cracks open inside of you as you allow yourself to take in his place undisturbed, and with it, what could be. The idea that a night spent here could feel normal. The two of you in the clearly well-used kitchen, how you might sit on the counter with a glass of wine while he cooks dinner. Talking about your days, about the past and the future. Sharing a life. Fucking and showering and falling asleep in his bed, tangled up together.
For something so close, it feels impossibly far away in the harsh light of morning. It feels like something meant for a much better person than you.
When you make it all the way back to his room, you peel your borrowed shirt off and drape it across his bed like you found it. You retrieve your clothes from last night off the floor and pull them back on.
Thankfully Yoongi chose to fall asleep on the far side of the couch, so when you re-enter the living room, you’re easily able to grab your purse where you set it down the night before without waking him. You slip your heels on in his entryway, then open the front door and shut it as quietly as you can behind you.
You fish your phone out of your bag and scroll until you find Jimin’s contact, then press it to your ear as the line starts to ring.
~*~
You don’t hear from Yoongi at all on Sunday, and you barely see him at work the next few days. You don’t know why it surprises you. It makes sense. You said that night had to mean nothing, you left in the morning without another word, and it’s not like you’ve made any effort to reach out since.
But nevertheless, hurt feelings sit heavy in the pit of your stomach, stinging like salt in an open wound. You’re angry that Yoongi seems to be acting like nothing even happened. You’re annoyed that you have to spend an entire weekend alone with him in Los Angeles. And you’re pissed off that you have so much fucking work to do in preparation for a trip that’s all about him.
You keep your head down and just try to fucking survive. You stay silent in your meetings unless directly asked a question. You type furiously at your desk, forever behind on emails and late on promised deliverables.
The week passes by in a blur, and it doesn’t even occur to you what day it is until you find Jungkook waiting for you at your desk when you return from an afternoon meeting.
“Hi, Jungkook.” You try to say it gently, to not take your frustrations out on someone who didn’t even do anything. While you’ve made polite small talk all week, things certainly haven’t felt normal, and you can���t tell if he senses it too, or if you’re just letting Yoongi’s cryptic words plant imaginary strange vibes in your head.
To his credit, Jungkook seems unfazed. “It’s the last day before your trip!” he says brightly, and your eyes widen as you realize he’s right. “What’s the rest of your day look like?”
You take a seat at your desk and pull up your calendar to check, and he circles around to look with you. “That was thankfully my last meeting,” you respond. “Just getting back to my never-ending to-do list now.”
“Or…” Jungkook prompts, and you glance up to see him leaning forward to rest his elbows on the back of your desk chair, his chin propped cutely in his hands. “You could not do that.”
You blink up at him. “And what would I be doing instead?”
“I was thinking, it’s been a while since we’ve had a walking meeting. Plus it’s actually nice out. So you should take a break.”
Glancing back at your to-do list sends a fresh wave of dread through you, and then you snap your laptop shut with a resigned sigh. “You’re right. Let’s go.”
Not only could you use the break, but you want things with Jungkook to feel normal again, even if the weirdness is only in your head. Maybe this is what you need.
Down in the lobby, Jungkook holds the door for you, and when you step outside, you realize he’s right. It’s one of those clear-sky early spring days, warm enough out that it feels like the world is starting over, like everything is coming back to life. You can’t help but feel like you could use a fresh start, too.
Though you expect to be led somewhere with food, Jungkook takes a different route instead, and you follow him a few blocks over to the entrance of a nearby park. You end up side by side on a paved pedestrian path, the length of which is lined with trees that have only just begun to bud.
It’s quiet, save for the distant noise of the city, the rustle of nature, and the rush of the occasional cyclist whizzing past. You walk slowly as you chat about nothing of importance: work, music, his dogs.
Jungkook glances over at you during a moment’s pause, with a look on his face like there’s a question he’s been waiting to ask. “So how are you feeling about your trip?”
You can’t quite manage to keep your expression neutral, your eyes rolling like a reflex. “Whatever. I just want to get it over with.”
“Ah.” Jungkook nods, and you can see he’s biting back some reaction. “For some reason I thought you might be excited.”
“What do you mean?”
He just shrugs. “I don’t know. You’ve been… different lately. About Suga. I thought maybe something was going on.” An uneasy feeling starts to wash over you.
“Nothing is going on with me and Yoongi,” you say, far too quickly. Jungkook glances at you, his brows pinched together slightly as if he’s unsure what to believe.
“Okay,” he says simply. You hope that’s the end of it, but then he keeps going. “That’s good. I’m glad I don’t have to tell you to raise your standards.”
Heat rushes into your face, caught somewhere between shame and anger. “Um, what does that mean?”
You grit your teeth when he just shrugs again. “I don’t know. He was such a jerk to you, and then suddenly it’s like you guys are hanging out and getting close and stuff—”
“We are not close,” you interject, and you hate how unsteady your voice sounds when you say it.
“Good,” Jungkook responds. “Because I thought maybe you might be, and it didn’t make any sense to me.”
Overwhelmed by his words, you come to a standstill on the pavement, and he makes it a few steps further before he realizes. As he turns back to face you, the words rush out before you can stop them. “I mean, I don’t see how it’s any of your business either way.”
Jungkook’s brow furrows again. “It’s my business because I care about you. He made you so miserable when you first started, so I don’t see how you could just forget about that and be into him, especially when you could…” He trails off and looks down, unwilling to finish the sentence.
“When I could what?” Another fucking shrug, and you can feel the rage inside you simmering now, threatening to boil over. Yoongi’s question comes back to haunt you— you know Jungkook is in love with you, right?— and the pieces start to slot together in front of you.
“When I could be into you?” you press him, taking an accusatory step closer. “Is that what you want to say?”
His gaze flits up to the trees above you, like he’s willing to look anywhere but your face. “No. I don’t know.”
The birdsong in the air has suddenly started to sound a lot more like screaming, and you have to suppress the urge to do the same. Instead, your voice comes out low and deadly serious. “You and I are friends, Jungkook. Just friends.”
“I know we are,” he says softly.
“Do you?” you snap back, vicious now. “Because it sounds to me like you’re jealous.”
“I’m not jealous,” he responds automatically, in the same tone, and you scoff.
“Look me in my face and say it.” You take another step toward him, and his eyes meet yours. He’s silent long enough for you to understand the truth, and all at once, you feel like a fucking idiot.
“Let me make this clear to you,” you hiss. “I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself and making my own decisions. And I do not have to explain or justify them to anyone, including you, because you are not my fucking boyfriend.”
When you spit the final word, Jungkook flinches like you’ve slapped him, but you can’t stop now. You’re so angry, it feels like it’s eating you alive. “When I want your opinion, as my friend, I’ll ask for it. Understood?”
You’ve never seen him look at you the way he does now, his eyes dark, his face twisted into a near grimace. There’s a long pause, and his voice is stilted when he finally speaks. “Yeah. Sorry I brought it up.”
The two of you walk back to the office in total silence, and Jungkook doesn’t try to talk to you again.
~*~
It’s early enough to still be pitch black outside when Jimin pulls up to the curb of your terminal at Incheon Airport.
“Thanks again for driving.” You yawn around the words as you reach down to unbuckle your seatbelt. When Jimin suddenly pulls you in for a hug, you groan at the affection, but he pays it no mind, dotting kisses over your hair that make you squirm.
“Love you, have fun. And be a slut!”
You roll your eyes as you manage to peel him off of you. “Bye, Baby Mochi.”
Slipping on a face mask, you push the door of his car open and climb out of the passenger seat. You swing open the trunk to grab your suitcase, then slam it shut again and step up onto the curb.
Making your way into the terminal, you dig your phone out of your bag to double-check the text from Yoongi, and then you glance up at the sign overhead to confirm you’re right where he said he’d be.
It takes a second for you to realize the person walking in your direction is Min Yoongi. The black baseball cap pulled low over his eyes is certainly not a bad look, but when paired with his black face mask, it makes him almost impossible to identify, or get a good read on. Rolling your suitcase ahead of you, you move toward him, and the two of you meet in the middle.
You wore sneakers today, so he still seems tall.
“Hi,” you say simply, a thousand different emotions swirling in your gut. You do your best to ignore them all.
Yoongi hums a wordless grunt back in response, then turns to face the already bustling security line. You mirror him, and for a moment the two of you just stay like that, like you’re standing firmly in the present and unsure of what might be waiting on the other side.
He gives a tired sigh. “Ready?” You’re surprised to learn he can speak this early in the morning. 
“I guess so,” you answer.
Perfectly in sync, you both push your bags forward, stepping carefully toward a weekend that feels impossible to imagine.
chapter seven | masterlist | chapter nine
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wanderingaldecaldo · 2 months
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Tagged by @gloryride, @gamerkitten, @chevvy-yates, and @aggravateddurian to share something I'm working on. Thanks, chooms! Still leaning into the ADHD, so there's several things I'm working on simultaneously. Most recently it's been...
Modding
The cutoff vests are 95% done, just need a few touches before I can make them live on Nexus, so what better time to start a new modding project? 🙃 A friend mentioned wanting Vik's pants and I'm always looking for more butch clothes for Val especially ones that ride low on those hips but also the belt & tools seem like a fun project.
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Unedited. Not bad for an hour's work ☺️
Both the pants and belt are simple replacers to start while I test. I have some clipping to deal with on the pants, but so far the weights look okay. 🤞
As for the belt, I lost the tools somewhere between Blender and Wkit lol. I wanted to take a go at texturing them in Substance Painter so I split them off into their own submesh. Not sure where I lost them but I'm sure they'll turn up again.
Writing
It's fitting that Durian tag me because my latest writing was incited by a scene in his fic "The President's Lady" in which Myers invites Sol and V to lunch at the White House. I'm going for a more, uh, traditional take on The Tower ending than he is, using my fave angst, combined with some good ol' longing and probably some flashback smut. I've been canoodling on this in my notebook since Durian's chapter came out, writing a bit each night before falling asleep. I started transcribing it just for this post, so here are 315 of 338 words, hot off the Google Docs.
Some backstory: The second time I played Phantom Liberty I beelined to Dogtown, and skipped meeting the Aldecaldos and doing pretty much anything past finishing the VDBs quests. Vik was the only one who called, and she decided to take Sol up on his offer of a job at Langley. Soon after she's back in DC, she gets an invite to lunch from President Myers.
“Thank you, Madam President.” “V, please. No need to be so formal. I believe we’re well past that now.” “Heh, just a few weeks ago, told you—” “Yes, V,” she cries out, breath hot against her neck— Stopping, Rosalind turns to look at her, eyebrows and lines of her forehead drawing to a point, as if finally she recognizes V for who she still is. “I suppose that really was like yesterday for you.” The lines soften and she leads V to a sofa across the room, gesturing for her to sit first, then sits close and takes her hand. Long, graceful fingers teasing her skin— V stares down at her hand in Rosalind’s, her arms blank of cyberware still a disconcerting sight, but she doesn’t pull away. “How are you feeling? I can’t imagine the news was easy to hear.” “No, wasn’t,” she says with a shake of her head. “Thought I was gonna die a merc but now....” “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to tell you myself. Solomon suggested it would lead to too many questions among the staff. He’s right of course, but I still feel I let you down.” V frowns. “Ma’am?” “You weren’t my agent for long, but that doesn’t mean you weren’t important. What you did...” Rosalind trails off, eyes dipping to her mouth before she drops her gaze to their hands on her lap. Her nails are still perfectly polished, buffed to a shine. She looks up and says, “I’ll never be able to repay you for all that you did for me.” V down looks at their linked hands then, heart pounding, she leans forward to kiss her, as if she’s just any other woman, not the most powerful in the world, and Rosalind tilts her head and parts her lips and— She swallows and shakes her head. “You did, though. Least as far as I’m concerned.”
Tagging with the usual no pressure disclaimer: @medtech-mara @breezypunk @streetkid-named-desire @peaches-n-screem @rosapexa @luvwich @merge-conflict @steelscorner @ghostoffuturespast @byberbunk2069 and YOU!
Take this as an invitation to share something you're working on and tag me! Doesn't have to be Cyberpunk, or anything fandom-related!
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yennefer-x-tissaia · 10 months
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Yennaia bits in ep 3.04
We start off the ep with Yen debasing herself in front of...the Council? Idk. Triss, Sabrina and Rita are there and they definitely weren’t on the council before. But they lost people at Sodden so it might be for all we know.
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She’s talking about throwing a party organising a conclave to unite the mages of the North and she starts we-ing.
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(The subtitles are wrong - some other dude asks ‘Who is ‘we’?’)
And of course we know who ‘we’ is.
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The rest of them are like ‘no shit’.
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Yen then goes on to apologise and beg forgiveness.
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And she does a bit more quoting from self-help books, which amuses Tissaia.
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The Council(?) are won over and everyone bashes their hands on the arms of their chairs and a party it is!
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Sabrina and Rita are tasked with hand writing the invitations (surely mages can just magic these things up?? Seems a lot of effort. But it’s fun imagining them bitching about this low level job they’ve been given while Tissaia and Yen swan about and giggle together.
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Tissaia compliments Yen on her political acumen.
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Yen’s like ‘It’s just being a selfish arsehole in a different way, of course I’m good at it.’.
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Tissaia sees through this overly sincere politician talk and tells Yen she can drop the act now and it’s actually delightful to see Yennefer relax into herself.
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They laugh and grasp at each other and it’s genuinely lovely for them to have this moment together.
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Then Yennefer notices Tissaia’s new jewellery and somehow knows ‘this is new’ despite not having seen Tissaia since a month after Sodden.
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We get another close up on the bracelet of doom, so we definitely know it’s going to go off in the third act.
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I wish this laughter was because they both knew he was a dick and that they were playing him. Alas, we have to conclude that Yen is thrilled that Tissaia is getting some from her new daddy.
However, it gives us this moment of herlooking at Tissaia with unadulterated affection, so I will take it.
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Tissaia makes a comment that we can all relate to.
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Yes, Tissaia, we all are. And we get some exposition about Philippa and Tissaia being close, despite this never having been mentioned or alluded to before.
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Tissaia looks at Yen’s chest sad and wistful.
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Yen is probably wondering why Tissaia has all these grudges with other mages and Yen herself gets forgiven instantly for everything. She makes a joke to lighten the mood and Tissaia is amused again.
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(Then there’s a bit with Triss about the novices going missing that I’m trying to repress because unless Tissaia’s under some sort of mind control, then her flippancy about girls going missing is infuriating.)
As with the conversation about Yen coming home, Vilgefortz takes part in another scene that only emphasises how much Yennefer means to Tissaia. He challenges Yennefer’s presence at Aretuza and she’s cheeky about it.
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But she changes her tune when he brings up Tissaia.
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Yen is clearly sincere in her reactions to what he’s saying about her impact on Tissaia.
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(Of course it’s infuriating that we know he’s the one with the agenda and is going to hurt Tissaia, but nice to see Yen get to hear this stuff.)
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Yen couldn’t lie to Tissaia if she tried 🥺
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“I know you to your core. Your pain my pain.” 🥺😭
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When I first watched this, I wondered if we were going to get an inkling that Yen might be suspicious of Vilgefortz in return, and tell him that if he hurts Tissaia, she’ll make Sodden look like a back garden barbecue on a wet weekend. But she seems to have been taken in as badly as Tissaia.
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God that one hurts.
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Sigh.
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Very true, Vilgefortz. We all wanted her to be an arsehole to you. It’s far more comforting.
Anyway, Yen goes to visit Tissaia’s ex Philippa to invite her to the party.
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On her return, her portal goes weird and she is attacked and ends up on the floor of the Council room, where Triss and Sabrina find her.
Yen: on the floor, panting and bleeding Sabrina:
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(That’s not Yennaia related at all, I just heart Sabrina so much)
Anyway, Triss implies that Yennefer should be careful who she trusts and that bringing Ciri to Aretuza isn’t a good idea.
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Probably because Tissaia’s been acting like a pod person around her and also told Vilgefortz stuff last season that she wasn’t supposed to. But Yen takes it the wrong way and storms out. 
And we see them all get ready for the party, and that’s the end.
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aheathen-conceivably · 4 months
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I really want to start my own legacy challenge and post it here! But idk how to make it look as pretty and as good as you, do you have any tips?
Nonny, first and foremost, thank you! 🥰
While I am usually very happy with the way my posts look now, it wasn’t always that way, and I think the biggest part of this is the process. If you go back and look at my early story posts (and even before that, to my first builds that I posted here) you’ll see that the style and techniques I used then are very different than what I do now.
All too often I find simblrs (and creators in general) will delete or redo their early work. As a perfectionist myself I totally get and share that instinct, but simultaneously I think that looking back helps remind me that it takes practice and discovery that’s still ongoing. I’ll try to help with a few tips I’ve learned along the way, but I truly don’t think there’s any better answer than trial and error!
1. Camera tips and tricks:
First and foremost, always take your photos in tab mode. Even if it’s just gameplay shots, this allows you to get creative with angles and go closer/further away for those detail shots or sweeping landscape ones. On that note, don’t be afraid to take the same photo from multiple angles so that you can look back at them and choose the best one.
Something I read very early on that helped me was to zoom in as close as possible to the shot that you want, and then back away using the S key rather than zoom out. Likewise, avoid zooming in and out and then in again in tab mode, as it can cause distortion in the background. However, there are also times when that distant background looks great, so this is just a good place to start that you can play around with over time. And have fun! Get those detail shots and low angles and things that might not seem like the most obvious shot but somehow work really well.
2. Take time on the details:
Now this is an overarching one because I mean all the details, from the world, to the builds, to interior decorating, to sim details, to their outfits. Now you may only enjoy a handful of these, and by no means do you have to jump in with all of them at once. For me, I really enjoy interior decorating so I put a lot of energy into my sets, that way when I go to take photos the backdrop work is already done. I really try to ensure that the backgrounds of photos are never empty (which is sometimes just clever angles) so this goes a long way to making a post look good and gives the viewer lots of little cues about the sims in the scene.
Likewise, I spend a lot of time on sims outfits. Usually this is in tangent with their personality and where they are in their story, but you’ll also notice small things like characters will not always be wearing shoes at home or an apron/hat will be taken off at an appropriate point in the scene. Small details like this ground a character in their setting and help relate your writing and/or unwritten details to the viewer.
3. Editing:
This is one that I think is really mutable to your personal tastes and goals. I’ve seen some simmers really go above and beyond with unique templates or text while others (ahem, me) will just brighten up or increase the contrast of a shot. I know others will often use photoshop for more detailed editing, but I stick with an online service just to make the brightness and colors pop. Even still, those few extra steps can really balance out the in-game lighting or make a photo even more pleasing to look at, so I really recommend finding something you like if aesthetics are important to you.
4. All the extra things:
Simmers, I think you already know where I’m going with this. Sometimes this game isn’t exactly the most pleasing to look at, so things like lighting mods, swre, or reshade really help you as a creator and can take your screens to the next level. As I’m sure y’all know by now I fought the reshade train for a long time, and even still I can see how this process can be over involved or overwhelming; however I won’t deny that the addition of it to my game is by far the biggest step I’ve taken to making my photos look as good as they currently do, and it has saved me a lot of time on manually editing. But I do not think it’s by any means necessary, and lighting mods are a good place to start for these in-game enhancers.
5. Trust the process
Yes, I’m ending this ramble by reiterating the point I stated at the beginning. I cannot stress enough that it takes time and practice to find your style and the techniques that work for you. I would really encourage you to go back to this post compared to recent ones and look at how different the camera angles and ideas behind the shots are. Changing is okay! Find what you’re really excited about in your images (which for me, y’all may be able to tell from the beginning, was the outfits and set design) and really enjoy that process. It comes through in the images, I promise!
Most of all, don’t feel like you have to perfect your visuals before you start posting here. Community feedback and just the joy of engaging can be such a motivator to continue, and quite honestly, if there is a place to grow your style and content as you go it’s here. People are so willing to help and answer questions as you encounter new roadblocks or ideas, and so starting that network and gathering that inspiration is pivotal to making your content look the way you want it to.
I know that I for one hope you post your legacy, Nonny! I always love seeing new people come aboard and I hope this could be helpful to you 💕
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bvtchcr · 27 days
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Thanks for reading my guidelines. I go by the mun-alias Midnight, also Raven (she/they), early millennial, living in the CET timezone. My activity level is medium to low, my reply speed is slow, please don't rush me. English is my second language. I'm from a german roleplay community and immigrated to Tumblr in 2022 after our old platform got shut down. I'm still learning about Tumblr rp etiquette and guidelines, please be patient with me. If you see me doing something unusal or weird feel free to correct me at anytime but be respectful about it.
01. To interact with me, you have to be 18+ (mun and muse). I am not affiliated with The Boys, its creators or the actor Karl Urban and I don't own the character Billy Butcher. I claim ownership of my own written headcanons and texts only. The Boys is an R-rated series and this is a general trigger warning for mature content such as blood, gore, violence, abuse, trauma, sex, sick humour, foul language, weapons, drug use and overall rude behaviour which can be expected from this muse.
02. It should go without saying but at the same time cannot be stressed enough: mun ≠ muse. On some occasions people were not able (or willing) to differentiate between me and my character which led to them feeling offended ooc and hardblocking me midconvo without communicating their discomfort. Butcher can be tremendously rude and aggressive, he swears excessively and is quick to insult your muse if he dislikes them or feels provoked. Writing him close to the canon is very demanding and getting his tone of voice and demeanor right is one of the greatest challenges that I've ever came across in 15+ years of writing. It's such a bummer when I put in the effort and the result is totally misinterpreted. Make sure beforehand that you can absolutely handle interacting with such a muse and do not take anything from him personal or too serious. I am completely different from him, I consider myself friendly, patient and very chill about most things and I'm always willing to talk things out.
03. Besides roleplaying I am also a hobby gif maker, therefore personal blogs are welcome to interact with my posts. Just make sure you don't reblog or comment on roleplay related stuff which includes tag games, writing examples, headcanons, threads and answered asks. Speaking of asks: I will generally react in-character whenever possible. I've received some messages in my inbox that I can't quite classify. If you want to talk to me, the person behind, please put your text in brackets or mark as "for the mun" so I know for sure you're addressing me and not my muse.
04. I haven't very much in-character text on this blog yet, since I mostly rp privately in DM's or on sideblogs. I'm very open and curious to try threads, I'd love to have some writing on my blog whether it be novels, oldschool style shorter postings or some in-character chatting. This would come closest to the 'Pinnwand' we had on our old platform and I still miss it a lot. I'm using the beta editor, which should be standard at this point anyways, and I am able to trim posts. Feel free to hit me up if you're interested and are comfortable with doing any sorts of public threads. You can also just send me an ask (off anon to start a continuous interaction) or tag me in a starter. I highly prefer german and I'm not open to english advanced literate, where complex prose is required. I have little to no experience with it but maybe I'll get more comfortable in the future.
05. When it comes to writing, I ask for a few things: no godmodding, power play or meta gaming. I also don't like forcing or rushing certain interactions that don't feel like natural character progression. Plotting beforehand is welcome but not mandatory. If it ever feels like being stuck we can pause the writing and have a small plotting session between scenes or even for the same scene. I am a big fan of the "yes, and" approach. Give me something to work with, don't let your replies be "dead" and passive. I get discouraged very quickly when I get little to no input and have to come up with moving the plot or interactions myself all the time. I don't have an estimated length for texts, it always depends and I usually don't match length just for the sake of having written a lot. I am not too fond of texts that are artificially bloated and there's essentially nothing happening.
06. I'm multiship and multiverse, meaning every ship takes place in its own verse if not communicated otherwise. I personally enjoy shipping a lot if there's good chemistry but Butcher is difficult to ship and due to his background pretty much unavailable for romantic bonding. It's not impossible though. I'm also interested in any setting where I get a chance to write him as an unhinged villain and diverge from the canon more liberately.
07. My approach to curating my dashboard is quite different, I would say, compared to what's considered standard (clean dash, small circle of mutuals). I follow a lot, and I mean a shitton, of people. I follow every blog out of interest and curiousity but please understand that it's impossible for me to interact with everyone. Also due to my gif making I get quite a bit of notifications when I'm actively posting sets, I'm prone to accidentially miss out on notifs about new followers/mutuals. My dashboard is fast and busy and I like it that way, I've made a conscious choice about this. It has become a wind down ritual for me, just silently scrolling, catching up and finding lots of stuff I enjoy without feeling obligated to contact people or getting replies done. Yes, I am here for rp, but I like to do lots of other things on Tumblr, too. There's periods of time where I don't have the energy to work on drafts or talk to anyone, not even folks who I have grown to genuinely like. Rest assured that you never did anything wrong when I disappear for a while. If I have any sort of issue or problem I will communicate it. What I'm not willing to do is constantly giving activity updates on a schedule. If I go on hiatus for longer I will most likely make a post about it. It's my personal opinion that no one should ever feel pressured into explaining why and for how long they are away.
08. Don't be a cunt. I have zero tolerance for homophobia, transphobia, racism, ableism, sexism, hateful comments in general, out of character drama, gossiping, constant negativity, passive aggressiveness, vague posting, guilt tripping, gaslighting and other similar behaviour. Just be a decent person and we're fine.
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keep-on-trying · 8 days
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Alright, my mobile data allowed me to watch WonderPre ep 12 from Crunchyroll without lagging, nice nice!
Couple thoughts on the ep. It seems my mobile data is bad with uploading images so, no images, despite me taking screencaps lol.
The way Satoru reacted to Iroha being happy to see him (because she knows Satoru knows about animals all alike so asking him about Yuki's odd disappearances is perfect!) was really, really cute, but also, the classmates clearly know Satoru has a crush on Iroha because they giggled with Satoru not understanding why lol.
Then, the way Mayu reacts to Iroha saying they're friends. Mayu clearly has some sort of background where either she's been unable to make friends with anyone before, or whenever she's made friends in the past they ended up backstabbing her or smth. I just know I kind of relate to her reaction here? She feels genuine happiness at Iroha being her friend. She even acknowledges her reaction to it is a bit odd and tries to act normal to Iroha.
Also, the episode really showcased cats well imo. They're elusive, able to do all kinds of tricks to get where they want (be it outside or hidden rooms or just out of a room lol), and well, can either be loving or very, well, "staring into your soul because not entirely happy". Yuki mostly seemed low-key pissed in today's ep lol.
Then the scene where Mayu rushed off after Iroha and Komugi because the girls really didn't realise they should have told Mayu to stay put and wait in peace because oh my god she got attacked by Garugaru and was shown to be in genuine horrified fear and my god the animators did an excellent job at that scene! Then Yuki- ahem, mystery Cure comes to save her and only utters same words as the blonde girl last ep did: You mustn't get involved. Yuki cares about Mayu so much fellas-.
Ahem. We also see that right now, Yuki is fighting Garugarus like a traditional Precure would. Physical fighting. It would seem she doesn't consider Garugaru to be corrupted beings, as well, no one has told her so. She thinks they need to be dealt with no matter what. It's only after Cure Friendy goes in front of the Garugaru that she stops attacking. Because Friendy knows it's a corrupted animal. That they don't deserve to be attacked for being corrupted, that deep down they're gentle animals deserving to be rescued. Nyammy's reaction to that says enough. She starts feeling conflicted about that, for sure. We'll see if she starts struggling next ep or whether she's not convinced about the change of battle style to chasing style yet. I guess she'd need to learn more from Friendy and Wonderful. Because those two have been told all the necessary info. While Nyammy is all alone, fighting Garugarus to make sure no harm can come Mayu's way. She's such a loving cat y'all-
So like, considering this ep pretty much aligns with my thoughts on the chasing scene decision and all, I'm quite curious of how things will develop. it is entirely possible the fighting scenes return later with a proper, perfectly reasonable way. Like the big bad wolf that's been teased couple times not being a corrupted being but actual, genuine bad fella who needs to be taught a lesson.
But yeh. For viewers it's clear who Nyammy is, but for the cast it's not yet. I am totally looking forward to seeing how Mayu's precure status comes to play, and how Nyammy ends up joining Wonderful and Friendy. Gosh this series has me hooked so well so far.
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brickcentral · 1 month
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Hello community!
We've asked to our spotlighted artist zekezachzoom to provide an exclusive picture for @brickcentral along with some insights on how he made it, and here's what he have to say:
"When I was asked to produce an image for this post, I went through my usual process for coming up with ideas. There was no exact theme to follow, so there was total creative freedom. I have several notebooks filed with sketches from ideas that came to me previously. I will usually flip through them and pick any concept that strikes my fancy. I will then park these ideas at the back of my brain and start to absorb other concepts from looking at random stuff on the Internet, esp on Youtube and Pinterest. I will let these ideas further develop subconsciously and then pick the one that I fancy the most
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WHY I CHOOSE THIS PHOTO I learned a long time ago that the best ideas come when you are not actively chasing for one. They just come randomly. In this particular case, I was trying to learn more about low key lighting and saw examples of film noir…and then everything came together for the final image: • I had just bought LEGO series 25 (yes, late to the game!) and the noir detective would be perfect for this. • I enjoy creating simple setup that suits my concept. In this case, it’s just a black box with some tiny crushed paper for texture and additional alley cat rummaging through a trash can. • I usually enjoy shooting dramatic low-key images when indoor. • A friend wanted to throw away a Monster Inc prop and I asked him for it, cause it has an interesting pattern and makes a perfect GOBO (a gobo is a light modifier, typically a stencil)! Pretty sure this won’t be the last time I will be using it as a lighting modifier. I usually have silly, fun concepts with LEGO minifigures but sometimes, I let my dark side take over. In fact, I was ready to do a re-shoot with another idea if needed!
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THE SETUP I used two speedlights for this shot. One for key light from the front with no diffusion so that I can create hard shadows, which is characteristics of film noir. The other one is positioned at the back of Pennywise for lighting the background. I have one more constant light to brighten up the foreground, just to show a bit of the rat. I created the poster of Pennywise with Adobe Illustrator. I felt the right side had too much negative space and created the poster to balance the photo. I usually start off my composition with my mobile phone, moving it around to find the best angle and then mount my camera on the tripod. I always use a tripod because it allows me to experiment with different lighting settings which I can then take into Photoshop for easy composite work if necessary. I used blue tac and wire to float the balloon. Some more tac at the base of the detective, so that i can balance him while making him arch his back to make better eye contact with the balloon. Finally, thick wire and globs of tac to hold Pennywise in position. The only major challenge was to create the atmosphere for this shot with the use the mini fog machine. With the use of these machines, luck plays a big part in getting the correct distribution of haze. After 75 shots with and without fog and narrowing down the final few shots, I ended up with the first one, which did not contain the haze! It just felt right. Hahaha. I think some people can relate to that.
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FINAL THOUGHTS This was a fairly easy shoot compared to others I have done, as far as scene setup and posing is concern. I always try to take the time to lock down the figures and props. It makes photographing them more enjoyable without worrying if they will topple down. I usually use speedlights for my toy photography and suggest you try it too! Even though I have an idea what the lighting outcome will likely be, sometimes, the results can be a little unexpected. It is great for freezing action and you can use it to create night scenes even though the ambient light is bright. I always enjoy the post processing work. I have been a Photoshop user for almost 30 years (still learning new things everyday!). The color grading process is my favourite part. It can take a ordinary looking image and make it into a cinematic one. Hate it or love it, I am of the opinion that whatever tool is available to make the story come alive and make it better visually, I am all for it."
Thanks for all the insights zekezachzoom! If you want to read this artist profile, head to our blog at https://brickentral.net/ - @theaphol, Community Outreach Manager
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icallhimjoey · 7 months
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Ohhhh my gaaaaahhhd I FINALLY was able to read part 3 and simultaneously was bombarded with the new Joe at the London film festival content. I feel so attacked when I open the app and new photos of him are posted like… Joe, babe, my heart can’t handle it.
But this new part is so good. The giddiness that washed over me as I was reading it 😃
So let’s get into it. Right off the bat: Joe… my dude… the loafers.
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And then when we called him out on the two-in-one shampoo!!!!!
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I loved when Joe realized we were clueless about his fame. And the little smirk at the realization.
But then… when we fainted. I gotta say (and I know we’ve talked about this before), that felt TOO real. Like, reading that felt like I was reading something from my actual life because of my dysautonomia & low blood pressure issues. AND I have also fainted in public, at a wedding no less, and the feeling of sheer embarrassment and wanting to crawl under a rock is so real with people fussing over you and making a big deal (fucking no thanks). But because of all that, this scene actually made me feel more viscerally like I AM the reader than any other reader insert I’ve ever read. Like, this is what representation of chronic illness feels like?? Refreshing (thank you).
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And then reading how Joe took care to advocate for us and make sure we were okay even though we were obviously trying to play it off as no big deal, not leaving our side, wrapping us up in his towel, taking us up to our room, making sure we didn’t faint in the shower (because that hot water can really make the blood pressure dip and cause dizziness) (nearly fainting in the shower on multiple occasions is scary shit), and then when he massaged our rock hard shoulders (also so ridiculously relatable, I think it’s to do with the dysautonomia/connective tissue disorder), and then when he sorta kinda tucked us in after we fell asleep, and then left his jacket there on. purpose.
I CANT. CANNOT DEAL.
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And to top it all off, the way he opened his hotel room door wide, nodded and whispered, “come on.” ((SCREAMING INTO A PILLOW))
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I am so stupidly excited for the next part you don’t even know!
i am floored by the compliments i keep getting about the fainting scene bc ive fainted ONCE in my life and i dont fully remember any of it 👍🏻 so THANKS im so GLAD it resonates!
and also, YOU’RE NOT READY FOR PART 4! Friday!
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a-dauntless-daffodil · 6 months
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my 3 fav cozy fun halloween watches that you can also watch
Winnie the Pooh, Boo to you too! also on archive .org!
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- No stress - Heartwarming <3 - Tiger's song "I wanna scare myself" always a banger Probably the first halloween movie kid me ever saw, and still honestly my main go-to one. Visuals? Spoopy. Music? On point. Story? Friends wanting to spend halloween with their bestie no matter what. Piglet? Brave. Tiger? Relatable. Pooh? Wise and full of love. Goffer? Slaying. Eeyore? Zero energy and still trucking. Rabbit? A nervous wreck sobbing over his pumpkin patch. Perfect. We stan.
Hansel and Gretel (1987) also on archive .org!
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- Family drama (is resolved) - catchy music! - i know some ppl can't stand child actors - THE DUCK LIVES - obviously food and eating are big plot points so yeah Is it a halloween movie? No. Do I care? Not with treats this good looking, music this catchy, vibes this cozy, or a witch this awesome. We've got haunted woods and kids eating sweets and then playing the best trick of all on the witch who wanted to eat THEM- that sounds halloween-y enough to me! Plus the witch's reveal is legit creepy. Make sure you have snacks for this one. Also, if realistic family drama due to the trauma of poverty isn't your thing, skip to after the kids run into the woods.
Shelly Dvuall’s America’s Tall Tales And Legends: The Legend of Sleepy Hollow also on archive .org!
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- Low stress - Comedy as heck - literally feels like someone telling you a ghost story - AAAAAAAACTING!!!!! - there is a spider during the picnic scene THE CLASSIC! THE OG! MY FAV!!!! This was THE hallween movie to me as a kid- and now i completely get why! It's like watching a stage play where everyone LOVED every scene they were in- the vibes are spoooooky sometimes in an adorably camp way, and then charming and cozy the next! It has so much fun- there are so many lines that are memes to me- like ichabod THROWING himself into bed with "And if I......DIE... before I wake.... BRINGMEBACKTOLIFE!" and Katerina's eyerolling "....assuming I know the horse-" (it makes sense in context i swear) and and and the FUN of seeing Brom Bones 'crushing' a tankered angrily, acting out the strain of it, when you can clearly tell the prop is like, maybe the strength of a soda pop can XD.... But the best part is the stinger ending. How this whole story is ended with the sudden reveal of the REAL headless horseman (maybe?) and how THAT terrifying image is the last thing it leaves the watching kids with- it feels like that last jump scare at the end of a campfire ghost story, the hand reaching out to grab you for one final scream, and I love it. I love this whole thing so much.
Now.
If you DO want something spookier, but only in the atmospheric sense....
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Whistle and I'll Come to You, also on archive .org - Slow building stress - Paranoia fuel - There is no way the main character is neurotypical (relatable) - a bedsheet ghost!!!!! YAY! - a few audio startlements but otherwise all gradual scares So this is based off a short story by an old not cool dead guy. It's about finding something in a grave and not heeding the warning label. I read the story years ago and was very pleased by the bedsheet ghost, the idea of feeling like Something Is Coming, and I can say that this adaption is... different, but does very good on setting up the vibes up until the ending. I'm bit let down by how the final bedsheet ghost turned out, and abrupt cut off to the story, but the vibes up till then is really fun to sink into. Some of the cinematography does a good job of making me aware of empty space, the feeling that Something I Can't See might also be in the frame. Spoooky.
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hurlumerlu · 5 months
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As usual, badly put together thoughts on Playboyy episode 5 under the cut :
My main thought on this episode is how heavy on melancholy it was. It was a lot less funny and dramatic and a lot more, idk. contemplative ? or at least that's how it felt to me. Also a lot more unsettling, we are definitely not playing anymore. Funnily enough, this gravitas is pretty close to what I hoped for when I started Playboyy, but now that I actually have it I feel wrongfooted and unsure. Which is great ! I've always enjoyed shows where I didn't know what I was in for before starting an episode (perhaps a little too much) and I appreciate the unease.
Related to the above : I like that the Nuth & Phop scenes are packed with tender moments (the piggyback, the very begining of the shaving scene, "haha i'm halucinating him :D/i'm right there", waking up in each other's arms) amidst the constant current of dread. It helps lay out the reasons Phop comes back (drugs aside) on an emotional level, and it also makes the peaks in tension that much stronger because you keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and because it could be sweet ! it could. it's good suspense.
Honnestly the fact that Nuth has been so strongly established as suspect n°1 when we're only in episode 5 makes me really doubt that he is, for lack of a better term, our Big Bad. Which does not mean I think of him as an innocent little sweetheart (don't pay people in drugs is imo a pretty low bar and he couldn't even clear that) and he absolutely had something to do with Nant's troubles, but I feel like there is something else at play. Could be way off though ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Unpopular opinion probably but I worry for him too. He does not seem well ! He also doesn't seem to have much of a support system ! If this all ends badly - if it already has, for Nant, because of him - I don't think I'll be able to shake off the feeling that it all could have been avoided.
Please don't kill Phop please don't kill Phop please don't kill Phop
Other characters I would like to not see die are Nont (very much so), Soong, and Jump. (and Puen because I play favourites) the others are fair game for me not because I don't like them but because I can see multiple narrative payoffs for their death. It all depend on how it's done. (honnestly I can also imagine narrative payoffs for Nont's death, and worse endings for him than death, but. uh. I'll be gutted for sure)
Since I mentioned Soong - I told myself I would not gripe about this but I am absolutely going to gripe about this : how did Nont convince him to drink/take drugs with him ? Did he think this was Nant ? it was all very weird and I did not get how we got for point a to point c. You could argue it doesn't matter but it's the kind of things that matters to me ! Anyway, moving on :
Soong keeps having a bad time. And I'm sure many would say he deserved it, but as I'm not generally interested in characters getting their just deserts (unless it's funny) I'm still mostly feeling kinda sad for the guy, in an awkward sort of way
I'm sorry I said Nont was not good at threatening people. turns out he's just not good at threatening people with sharp objects. He's disturbingly into it when it comes to fire though ! (but also Nont baby you're gonna burn your thumb)
Zouey & Teena were very cute. So where Zouey & First trying to investigate Soong.
You know who isn't cute ? Porche. I want to sit that boy down and have a loooong talk with him. It probably wouldn't help but someone has to try.
Anyway we knew that already but the fact that none of these rich little fuckers where willing to help Nant out when they could easily have pooled their money... with friends like these, honnestly.
This may have been a wake up call for Captain ? wait and see I guess.
Captain and Puen being on good enough terms that Captain told him everything about the fake sex tape is interesting. I'm still really interested in their dynamic !
Look. Puen was so charming (and charmed) all episode and Aob was so prickly, it's hard for me not to get into the relationship that is dangled in front of us (and I didn't try). However everytime I watch this series I think of Love Conquers All (2006) and its ironic-ass title, so I look at every single relationships promised by this show with doubt and mistrust
SPEAKING OF WHICH : lmao @Prom and his little evil smile. control your face, sir.
But I still believe he didn't know why Nant was missing, so I wonder what he was smiling evily for. Plenty of options to chose from though ! Maybe he just wants to get back at the ex-playboyys for asserting their independence, which would be bad enough, but I doubt that's all. Oh well, we'll see !
Last thought : I could have sworn I saw the bottom of a brazilian flag in one of Nuth and Poph scene but I can't find it again :(
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