#like i’ve never seen another fictional couple like them. NO ONE ELSE is doing it like them.
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i literally don’t care who says otherwise, lucy and lockwood are the most UNHINGED CODEPENDENT FREAKS of any media. from their very first interaction lucy can already see herself fighting ghosts alongside lockwood indefinitely. lockwood giving lucy his sister’s necklace. basically the entirety of the hollow boy. come off it, luce, you know i’d die for you. lucy leaving the agency so lockwood doesn’t end up dying because of her. lockwood waiting for The Case Of A Lifetime to get lucy to come back to him. their journey to the other side. lockwood saving lucy when her cape tore. THEIR MATCHING WHITE STREAKS. lucy and lockwood becoming even closer after their trip to the other side. lockwood showing lucy his families’ graves. he will sacrifice his life for you. lucy swinging from a trapeze to save lockwood. skull implying that lucy is lockwood’s reason for living. it was a symbol of his undying devotion. lucy always staying behind with lockwood when he tells the others to go without him. lucy knowing that lockwood will inevitably follow her to penelope’s room in fittes house. lockwood arriving at the penthouse and lucy’s heart singing at his arrival. lucy staying with lockwood because she couldn’t imagine living without him. lockwood asking lucy out for a walk and gifting her his mother’s necklace. lucy putting on the necklace and ending the story with her going to lockwood.
#guess who finished TEG literally 5 mins ago.#i am. not at all normal about them they are INSANE.#like i’ve never seen another fictional couple like them. NO ONE ELSE is doing it like them.#also spoilers for the books :/#lockwood and co#lucy carlyle#anthony lockwood#locklyle#lockwood & co#book: lockwood and co#text#userevaz#otp: just an associate
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The Hazbin Hotel fandom’s issue with accepting aromanticism and asexuality
Now that it is officially Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, I want to talk about this!
I find that, as an aroace myself, I am constantly grasping at good representation and coming up empty— it usually ends up in one of two ways.
One: the character is portrayed as emotionless, cold, and robotic in nature. It’s the question aromantic and/or asexual people are often asked: “Are you heartless?” The answer is no, of course, but general media makes it out to be the opposite.
Or two: Their lack of attraction is seen as something to “fix” because they “haven’t found the right one yet”, and they end up with a partner as a “happy ending”.
It frustrates me greatly because of how little people actually see aromanticism or asexuality as a true part of the LGBTQIA+ community.
So when I watched Hazbin Hotel, and I found out about Alastor being aroace, I was over the moon. I was on cloud nine. I also saw how his voice actor has looked up the term as an attempt to learn about aroaces, which makes me OVERJOYED?? Amir is truly a blessing, and I love that he’s proud to embody a character that’s part of our community. It’s so beautiful to finally have a proper character, a fan favorite at that, who just so happens to be aroace— and that’s another thing I love about this.
It’s never explicitly stated in the show (though it is stated in interviews), but it’s rather clear when you’re watching, isn’t it? Alastor’s aversion to any sort of sexual advancement, coupled with Rosie’s blatant “I know you’re an ace in the hole” comment sort of spell out his asexuality pretty clearly, as well as what side of the spectrum he falls upon. In addition, his Valentine’s day card was strictly platonic, which caters to his aromantic side. It feels so validating to finally be represented, to finally have a character in media who shares the same lack of interest in romance and sex as I do.
When I entered the fandom to look for more content, I kind of expected to see the same respect for Alastor’s orientation there too. But that… wasn’t the case? I am fully aware that aromanticism and asexuality are both spectrums— of course, aromantic and/or asexual people can enter those kinds of relationships. I’m not denying that and they belong in the community as much as anyone else on the spectrum.
But, the more I see the same line again and again and again, the more it feels like an excuse to just ship what you want.
Usually I don’t mind shipping? I’m often a firm believer in people shipping what they like as long as it’s harmless and they don’t go crazy over it. I also know for a fact that Viv doesn’t have a problem with people shipping her characters. They are fictional, after all.
But in this case, people are ignoring the very thing that makes Alastor a part of the aroace community! People are ignoring his lack of romantic or sexual attraction!
Is this not the same as changing a gay character’s orientation to suit a straight ship? If not, how so? I’m told that we are a part of this community, so why aren’t we being treated like it? Why is it so hard to accept the people on the end of the spectrum who aren’t interested?
Something I’ve been noticing throughout my life is that society has not exactly progressed very much on the idea of accepting asexual or aromantic identities. Maybe we have, a little, since the old days— but hell, people in “the old days”, which in truth wasn’t very long ago, believed that asexuality was a medical condition to be “fixed” by taking the right medication or having sex. That’s a pretty low bar to clear. And on the romance side, you’re seen as a “late bloomer” or “boring” if you don’t express interest. These days, being friends with someone is treated like a gateway to them possibly becoming a lover. Not getting married, not going on dates, not wanting a partner— it’s all treated like a crime when it’s not.
Maybe I’m selfish, or sensitive, or I’m butthurt over nothing, or I’m making it all about me. Maybe I’m gatekeeping or whatever the term is. But please, please, please, I just want an aroace character like me who simply is not interested in sex or romance.
And I want fandom to respect that. I admire the creations that fans make— the art, the animatics, the writing and the character analysis. And I want people to keep creating because creation is indeed a beautiful thing.
But I really would like people to treat aroace identities like they’re important. Like it’s more than just a spectrum to get wiggle room to wrangle in another ship.
#aromantism#aromantic#aroace#asexual#hazbin hotel#alastor#hazbin alastor#lgbtqia#alastor aroace#PLEASE i just want people to LEAVE HIM ALONE#“but it’s a spectrum” STOP USING IT AS AN EXCUSE#RESPECT AROACE PEOPLE WITH ZERO INTEREST IN ROMACE AND SEX#let us have this#we barely get anything as it is#but just to clarify i don’t believe that most people are being intentionally rude about it#nor am i discouraging people from creating fan content because it is FAN CONTENT and you can express yourself#i just would like people to understand a little more that#yes it is a spectrum and it covers an extremely wide range of orientations#yes ANYONE who identities as someone on the spectrum is completely valid#if you wanna argue with that i am showing you the door and kicking your sorry aphobic ass out#my point is that the spectrum is not a loophole. it is not an excuse and it is NOT okay to just use it willy nilly for your convenience
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Cookie Run, Queerbait, and why the concept does not apply to SeaMoon... 2!!!
//This is a repost of an older post, as something else came up that I wanted to add to this analysis. If you don't want to reread the entire thing, feel free to skip to the section headed with 'Queerbait: Lost in Translation'.//
There are a lot of issues with the way Devsis, the developers behind Cookie Run, handle diversity in their games. Most notably, it falls into the common trap many, MANY gacha games do in that it partakes in a lot of orientalist tropes. But one debate I’ve seen that I just cannot get behind, as a lesbian, is the idea that they have queerbaited-- most namely, with SeaMoon.
Below the cut, I will explain why: what queerbait is and what it looks like, queerbaiting vs coding, and why comparing WlW tropes from other countries to queerbaiting is unfair (and also maybe don’t apply a Japanese literary concept to a Korean game, more on that later). All in a bid to show why it is not only wrong to compare SeaMoon to queerbaiting, it is harmful.
SeaMoon, for those unfamiliar, is the name popularly given to the ship between Sea Fairy Cookie and Moonlight Cookie in Cookie Run. Aside from the ocean and the moon being a common motif for romance in fiction already, the game had hinted at their romance in a lot of in-game and side material. Most namely, Sea Fairy’s line about Moonlight’s heart ‘being the warmest’ and the “I want you Everyday” music video with their moment together + the lines that went along with that moment...
Your love brought spring to my endless winter...
For more examples of where their romance was suggested, I recommend this doc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LPJU8yBYD8Ng7lhh_lR0bA2XRwmJTtbRceGuKahFxFs/edit
The point is, most WlW in this fandom caught onto the romantic ramifications of the ship long before Moonlight was expanded on in Kingdom and the recent updates all but confirmed their mutual affection towards one another. The two of them even got matching costumes and a bond story that was as close to romance as Cookie Run would do (as it is ultimately not a romance centered franchise).
With who they are established...
Queerbait: What is it?
Queerbaiting most popularly is understood as a marketing gimmick where creators and multimedia companies suggest queerness to draw in LGBT people and allies, only for the rug to be pulled out from underneath fans. Though it has other meanings, especially in other cultures as I'll explain more below. Whether this is utilizing the ‘bury your gays’ trope, the rep being constrained to insignificant side characters/moments, or just not existing at all.
The two most popular examples of queerbaiting would be recent Disney movies and Voltron. Though special shoutout to Harry Potter, as if we didn’t have enough reasons to hate the book series and JKR. As the stuff with Dumbledore was an obvious retcon to go ‘look how progressive I am!!!’.
Voltron’s last season had two key things regarding queerbait: the Klance drama (the ship between Keith and Lance) and Shiro’s bait and switch with his partner.
To the show’s credit, Shiro was actually gay. Even revealed to have had a partner he was engaged to. However, this rug was pulled out from underneath fans when they actively killed said partner. He was given another partner in the epilogue, but the fact he was revealed to be gay only for his partner to be killed off (coupled with the next thing) upset many queer fans.
Klance is a lot more insidious. In the run up to the final season, Netflix and the crew actively promoted the show using Klance and its popular support. Despite the fact they knew the relationship was never intended to be canon. This is one of the most explicit examples of queerbaiting out there, and is foundational to understanding the specificity and insidiousness of the marketing ploy.
For Disney, I would like to focus on the Star Wars sequels and Beauty and the Beast (2017). The last movie of the sequel trilogy had the creators talking about how there would be queer rep... leading many queer fans to believe they were talking about Finn and Poe for obvious reasons, something the creators never corrected/confirmed. Only for the rep to merely be two background characters in one scene.
As for Beauty and the Beast, Le Fou was celebrated as Disney’s first openly gay character, leading folks to believe they’d explore him having feelings for the titular bad guy. But that was never really explored in any meaningful way, and the rep we got of him was a ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ moment between him and an unnamed character. Arguably he could fall more into coding, but the fact Disney actively marketed him for his gayness is where it bleeds into queerbaiting.
In general, queerbaiting is a more modern problem, as companies feel they can say the word gay now. But are still wishy-washy on actual depictions of queerness. So we get them celebrating their inclusion, even if it’s ultimately little to nothing.
Queerbaiting vs Queer Coding
This is when an important distinction needs to be made: what is queerbaiting and what is queer coding. Queer coding is when media uses subtext, but never explicitly says, a character is gay. A good way to understand this is to compare 90′s disney movies to modern ones.
As discussed above, modern Disney will often go on about having queerness in their movies only for it to be minimal at best if not existent. 90′s Disney meanwhile never marketed their movies as having LGBT elements, but many fans could see the way in which queerness came through from characters like Ursula (literally modeled off a drag queen), Scar, and Hades.
Queer coding can be seen as a product of the Hays Code era-- where positive depictions of ‘perverse sexuality’ (including homosexuality) was not allowed in film, relegating a lot of queerness to the roles of villains (hence the association Disney villains have with it). That, or queer creators had to find ways of coding their heroes in ways that went under the nose of cishet audiences.
Queer coding exists in a net-neutral space. As queer coding, while in many ways is outdated in a world where media can show explicit LGBT rep, was integral to the ways in which queer creators told their stories for years. And actively influences the way many queer creators continue to tell their story (for better and for worse). It can also perpetrate stereotypes against queer people, as we saw with the Disney villains, however.
Still, this is different than the relatively modern concept of queerbaiting as that is largely a negative phenomenon. Queer coding was a tool used and is still used by actual LGBT people, while queerbaiting is more often than not the work of cishet folks or corporations wanting to make a quick buck.
Queerbait: Lost in Translation
Another element of queerbait I did not previously address is how its more commonly understood in the context of cultures' media (such as in Eastern countries like Korea and Japan). As the financial reasoning behind the idea isn't as front and center (for a myriad of complicated reasons regarding how explicit queer rep can be from country to country). Though this definition of queerbait can also apply to US and English based media.
To some, queerbait also applies to coded LGBT relationships that are primarily centered on or meant to appeal to straight audiences (WlW rep meant for the male gaze, MlM rep meant for girls).
In other words, fetishized LGBT coding.
I would personally argue (as a queer non binary lesbian) that this meaning is less insidious than the money making logic behind modern queer baiting that happens in the US mainly, but its for an important reason...
A lot of this queerbait relies on elements of coding still. While the way many Western viewers see queerbait in American media relies on using explicit queerness as a marketing ploy. To compare, let's look at idol/sports anime and the previously mentioned Disney movies.
The idea that idol/sports anime is queerbait is... contentious. And one I'm not entirely sure I even agree on. But it is undeniable that some of its more WlW centric scenes appeal to the male audiences that view these shows or games. Still, nothing is ever made explicit. It utilizes elements of queer coding originating from the yuri/gl genre that was built up by queer people themselves.
To some, this may be more insulting. For me personally though coding has always been a net neutral, and this form of coding is just more on the negative end for me. Still, there is something there for queer people to take away.
Meanwhile, the way in which disney queerbaits its audience is by saying their character is LGBT then... doing nothing with it. Not even elements of coding. Just-- 'yep there's a gay character in our movie come watch it'!!! Its a lot more soulless compared to the previous one, and therefore to me is more insulting.
Why SeaMoon falls more into Coding
With the two elements defined, let’s explain why SeaMoon falls more into the realm of coding rather than baiting.
First off, the way the devs write romance is consistent with how they wrote SeaMoon. Most of the ways in which things were left vague before Kingdom could be explained in the devs unfortunate habit of not elaborating on things they really should elaborate on. On top of romance in general being coded rather than explicit in the franchise.
As an example, lets discuss the two closest things to M/F romance we have in the franchise-- PureLily (Pure Vanilla and White Lily) and MintCocoa (Mint Choco and Cocoa).
PureLily became more explicit in the same update as SeaMoon (with Pure Vanilla wondering aloud if he still loves her), but in general the way their relationship was shown before the Crunchy Dreams event was largely through subtext (how the two spoke of one another, PV’s garden, etc) and outside material (the love quiz).
This also applies to MintCocoa. During the days of OB, the game itself did not elaborate much on either of the two’s characters (just as they didn’t with Moonlight). With most of their romantic subtext (like SeaMoon) being in outside videos, media, and merch. Kingdom in general seems more willing to elaborate on romance, as we saw in the story that came with Cocoa’s release.
And secondly, the devs never really threw SeaMoon around as a way of saying ‘look how progressive we are’ or to appeal specifically to LGBT fans. Anytime SeaMoon was included in media, it was often alongside other coded relationships such as MintCocoa or things like RaspRose (Raspberry Mousse x Rose). And even the times they did do things like promote themselves during pride month, they never used SeaMoon. Instead they used the Hollyberry kingdom (due to its bg having same-gender couples dancing and having drinks together).
The way SeaMoon was treated up until the recent Kingdom update was more in line with queer coding rather than queer baiting. Which is NOT perfect, as media should go beyond coding in the modern age. But it is not as bad or as insidious as queerbaiting implies.
Not as insidious as either definition of queerbait; as nothing about the relationship between them is really centered on being for the male or fetishized gaze either. They're Cookies... in a series where romance is not a focus. While one could argue their romance is stuck more into the background compared to say MintCocoa and PureLily, it still isn't designed to be fetishized (in canon, what fandoms do with SeaMoon and other LGBT ships is its own matter).
Extra Note on S Class Comparisons
S Class is a trope in Japanese media where two girls will often have a very close bond, akin to romance. However, it is ultimately still platonic and disappears upon either graduation from school or marriage. It is over 100 years old, with some of the first pieces of the genre being in the early 1900′s. And was a major influence on the yuri, more commonly called GL now, genre.
Before anything else, I want to offer a brief aside that maybe we should be careful when comparing a Japanese literary trope to a Korean game. Comparing the two countries can be a very... very touchy subject matter. Especially in the context of this being a genre that rose in popularity during the colonization of Korea by Japan.
I do NOT think you can compare SeaMoon or anything in CR to S Class tropes. But I will discuss it just to clear things up, as I find comparing the trope to queerbaiting problematic.
It is more akin to queer coding rather than queer baiting. Why? Many of the authors who utilized the trope were queer themselves. In fact, “Obuko Yoshiya, a lesbian Japanese novelist active in the Bluestocking feminist movement, is regarded as a pioneer of Class S literature”. Again, a key factor that separates coding and baiting (being that queer creators will often code but won’t bait).
The genre is at its worst stifling and harmful to the modern day GL genre in Japanese literature, and extremely heteronormative. But to compare it to things like queerbaiting or to entirely dismiss it as a form of WlW rep in the context of how it was used by actual queer people in Japan is entirely unfair to the genre; queer rep does not look the same in every country.
S Class also evades the way in which queerbait can mean being meant for the male gaze, as it is a trope whose origins lie earnestly in media meant for girls. That does not mean it can't be used to appeal to the male gaze, but it is not where it started.
Ending Notes
Are the devs perfect in their representation of SeaMoon and WlW? Of course not, there is a valid conversation to be had on how queer relationships constantly being merely coded rather than explicit is annoying and hurtful. And more and more queer people have this critique of the concept of queer coding. On a personal level, I can forgive it in this specific case cause its in line with how the devs do romance in general. But if it bothers you that it was merely coded for the longest time rather than explicit, that’s entirely valid.
But the idea the devs ever queerbaited audiences is unfair and actively makes many WlW feel invalidated in how they easily saw the coding present in the two’s relationship. Again, queer coding is a net neutral phenomenon while queerbaiting is mostly negative. To subscribe such a notion to what is important rep to so many WlW is hurtful.
Sources
https://www.animefeminist.com/escape-yuri-hell-flip-flappers-critique-class-s-genre/
https://bookriot.com/what-is-queerbaiting-vs-queer-coding/
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LPJU8yBYD8Ng7lhh_lR0bA2XRwmJTtbRceGuKahFxFs/edit
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Class_S_(genre)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queerbaiting#:~:text=Queerbaiting%20is%20a%20marketing%20technique,romance%20or%20other%20LGBTQ%2B%20representation.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queer_coding#:~:text=Queer%20coding%20is%20the%20subtextual,character%20in%20media%20as%20queer.
#cookie run#cookie run kingdom#crk#sea fairy cookie#moonlight cookie#seamoon#media analysis#lgbt writing#lgbt#queer coding#queerbaiting#crob#cookie run ovenbreak
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y’all don’t understand how important t4t mcwexler is to me like… THERE’S JUST SO MUCH THERE TBH
in canon if we read them as cis they’re still pretty unconventional when it comes to gender at least within their respective universe… but both are really chill about it. hell they even seem to like having a bit of fun w it and not taking it too seriously…
something i’ve noticed about cishet couples, both irl and in fiction, is there’s a tendency to “enforce” gender upon the other, constantly reinforcing it, almost like they’re trying to convince themselves of something… but they never do that with each other??? when the two are seen in the most stereotypical gendered box they’re “supposed” to be in, it’s some of the most gut wrenching shit on either show. it takes the complexity of these humans away. the gendered box is a form of self harm for these two.
and honestly it’s that, plus the themes of being told you’re one thing and trying to break out of the mold… and it’s like… yeah it’s really not that far off to have a trans reading of their relationship?
there’s a lot of ways to even interpret their transness. but i imagine whether you see them as stealth or just in the closet and only out to each other (i’m more of the latter, personally), it’s… yet another part of their relationship that is also seen in the show. despite all their communication issues, they see each other for who they are and understand the other like nobody else. they’re in on a secret that nobody else knows. it’s just them against the world. and i rly like that abt them.
#i can genuinely go on for way WAAAAAY longer and shit but!!! yeah#hf#si#cc#mepost#meowmeow#brbabcs#saul#kim#mcwexler#cship#trans#hc#headcanon#kim wexler#jimmy mcgill#better call saul#THEYRE VERY IMPORTANT TO ME OK
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Gin and Nev... A friendship forged in fire
Wow thank you so much, I appreciate it! And I love this question! Apologies for the late response… I’ll get better at these 🫠
But oh boy, life at Hogwarts during book 7… I love it; it’s such a rich, chewy era for resilience, relationships, and coming-of-age. And I’ve really enjoyed creating snapshots of different characters’ perspectives (I have a couple more in the works for that series); they’ve really helped shape my ideas for arcs after the war.
Neville and Ginny, though!! Two of my absolute favorite characters. The books don’t give us much to go on, but my headcanon has always taken the potential for their friendship and run a bit wild. I think these months at Hogwarts would have solidified it: running the D.A., caring for younger students, and pissing off the Carrows.
(This turned into a full-on ramble, so here we go…)
I don’t think Neville and Ginny were particularly close before this year. Friends, for sure, but I think Ginny would have seen him primarily as her brother’s dorm-mate, even after the Yule Ball. She had her own friends (and boyfriend) to occupy her during D.A. meetings in OoTP, and we’re told that that Neville and Luna were the ones who bonded after the Department of Mysteries.
Throughout Deathly Hallows, though, Neville’s no longer a peripheral friend of Ginny’s, but a comrade on a battlefield that’s been otherwise abandoned. Two Gryffindors, both with more skin in the game than most, both with nothing to lose by fighting. I think that pressure would give them both a harder edge than their peers; even Luna, who joins to form that melt-your-heart trio of misfits, has to worry about her father’s safety as a consequence of her actions. But Neville’s parents were Aurors and Ginny’s family make up most of the Order— they both come from fighters.
Like Harry and Hermione (another gorgeous friendship that reduces me to a puddle), I think Ginny and Neville’s relationship is a thing with legs of its own, independent from the trio’s dynamic. Their characters balance one another beautifully, based on everything we’re given in the text. I put a glimpse of this into “Defiance,” which takes place in October of that year. And as the months passed, they would have only grown closer, trusted each other more, and developed sharper instincts for one another out of survival.
There’s an incredible amount of grit behind the strength we do get to see from Ginny in canon. Girl has seen a lot by this year, and I think she’d be the one to spearhead the revolution within the walls. But, and this is more of my HC here, she’s headstrong and impulsive... like an unbroken filly, I think she’d need someone else to take aim after the abandonment by Harry and her family makes her desperate and reckless. In a war of strategic mayhem, I see Neville acting the playmaker to Ginny’s agent of chaos, directing her desire for resistance into action. I’ve never had a doubt that she’s the one to hatch the idea of stealing the sword, but he’s the one pulling out the drawing board immediately after “Defiance.” He’d feel the most guilt after the fallout of their plans, too, surrounding the events of “Surrender.”
And, as the Carrows continue to do their damnedest to break her, I think Ginny gradually relies on Neville more to be the ballast of their ship. It’s a role that I think Harry will take over a bit, eventually: encouraging her to harness her fire as she picks up the pieces of her Hogwarts years.
And Neville! If ever there was a better fictional character to steal my heart. By the end of book 7, we see a completely transformed version of the nervous little sweetie who’d lost his toad on the train. I don’t remember where the idea came from to have him growing herbal remedies and passing them off as homework, but I sort of fell in love with it. This boy’s using Mandrakes as weapons up until the very end; surely he spent the entire term risking his behind to visit the greenhouses and follow his passion (and without a handy invisibility cloak, too… take that, Potter).
Neville’s always looked up to Harry, drawing inspiration from seeing him speak up against Umbridge and Snape. We get glimpses of his burgeoning voice in OoTP and HBP, fighting alongside Harry in the Department of Mysteries and defending Hogwarts after Dumbledore’s death. But we don’t see Fully Evolved Neville— D.A. leader, confident battle strategist, “I’ll join you when hell freezes over” Neville— until he’s spent more time with Ginny (DH, ch. 36). I’m sure her sharp tongue and rogue fearlessness have rubbed off on him by the time she’s whisked off to Muriel’s, and it’s something he carries with him (along with Luna’s desire for justice) in that final month facing the Carrows without them.
After the war, I have no doubt that Neville and Ginny remain close. Similarly to her dynamic with Harry, there’s an opposites-attract element to their relationship: with her encouraging spontaneity and exploration and him bringing more grounded levels of insight and empathy. I think the trio with Luna remains intact, but, like the Golden three, morphs a bit into three individual friendships with their own strengths to offer. Ginny’s seen enough of Harry’s struggles to help Neville navigate his new war heroism in a world where he’ll become more popular than he ever imagined (she definitely becomes the world’s best wingwoman at many a pub). The three of them all lose a great deal, too— particularly Ginny, with the death of her brother. I won’t go into detail because I have a lot drafted up for these two… but I think her relationship with Neville, welded and galvanized by a year of growth and suffering and hope, will be instrumental to her journey of regaining her voice.
Lots of words, lots of thoughts, but I hope that addressed the question! Thanks again for reaching out, it means a lot! 🌱
#anon ask#answered#this one's for the nev stans#Neville and Harry are definitely the only ones to call her Gin#ginny weasley#neville longbottom#hp headcanon
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el deserves better + why people can’t take mike’s monologue seriously
*these are my own personal opinions and observations! if you liked this scene how it was, that's fine! no one's forcing you to look at this lol. i'm not trying to "ruin" this scene for anyone or invalidate people’s feelings. it’s a fictional show. the writers like when people analyse and look into it and that’s what i’m doing. these are just my own opinions about it as someone who has watched the show since the beginning, pays attention and truly cares about the characters, and i think they could've done this scene a lot better if they wanted it to seem genuine.
i also just want to make it clear that i would’ve had no problem with mike and el’s relationship if it was well-written, slowly developed properly instead of rushed, they actually understood each other and could be themselves with each other AND if will wasn’t involved in this love triangle and had his heart broken in the process because that’s probably one of the most cruel, horrible and unnecessary things i’ve ever seen in a show. there was absolutely no reason to involve an abused and traumatised gay child in this mess if he was just going to end up hurt again after everything he’s suffered and people have EVERY right to be uncomfortable and upset about that, but anyways!
“love at first sight”
the love at first sight trope coming out of nowhere seemed really out of character for mike since he's made it clear several times he doesn't believe in that and we also know he didn't fall in love with el the moment he met her when he was only 12 years old and struggling with the trauma of his best friend going missing. i'm not sure why they felt the need to include that when will was sitting right there listening and they could've done literally anything else to show he loved her. he shouldn't have to lie and make things up that don’t make sense (seriously, what happened to “friends don’t lie”)? and sure, the cast can say whatever they want about a 12 year old falling in love with a stranger the moment he looked at her even though he knew absolutely nothing about her and his best friend was suffering in an alternate dimension, but it still makes no sense from a writing standpoint and you can literally see that in mike’s words and actions after they take her to his house. the whole thing has always been weird lol. i don’t know why people romanticise the love at first sight trope with two children anyways and act like it makes their relationship better when it only made it worse because of how rushed it was.
using will
this needs to be mentioned considering will is the reason this monologue happened in the first place (so don’t even start with the “stop making everything about will” when THE WRITERS THEMSELVES literally put him in every mike and el scene except their fight scene!!!!!!!) but i absolutely hated how they used will's feelings for mike in order to make him say he loves his own girlfriend. like… what. using a gay character who has suffered since the very beginning as a plot device to force another ship back together while he continues to suffer and be heartbroken isn't cool at all. you can come up with any excuse, but NOTHING makes it okay that they included will in this mess and turned him into a couple’s therapist that fixes their problems when they can’t even do that themselves. if they wanted all this drama with mike and el and STILL have them stay together for some reason, fine. but will should’ve NEVER been involved. there’s no excuse. i don’t understand how anyone is okay with that. he literally had to push him into saying the monologue even when el was choking because mike wouldn’t have said it otherwise. he also took inspiration from what will said in the van about his OWN feelings for him and basically re-worded it. it’s just crazy.
“mike was just trying to save her”
i get that!!!!! he was panicking and under stress. it’s actually a realistic way to respond in that situation and anyone would make up whatever they think the person wants to hear to save them. he was trying his best to help her and i really do appreciate him for that because she really needed strength and motivation. BUT the point is, it still wasn’t entirely genuine and it’s so weird that people watch it and talk about it like it’s a proper romantic love confession and their relationship is oh so perfect when he always lies and contradicts himself which just feels hurtful and unnecessary. he could've told her he loved her WITHOUT making things up. in fact, he should’ve told her he loved her BEFORE she got her powers back, before he was pushed into it by will and before she was in danger and he was under pressure. that would’ve made it seem so much more genuine.
flashbacks
i’m just gonna link this incredible analysis post from @aurorabyler here about flashbacks because they explained it so perfectly. please check it out!!!!
anyways mike could’ve spoken about happy memories instead of making up lies she knows aren’t true. when he said “it’s not because i’m scared of you. i’ve never felt that way”, it just sounded ridiculous because she knows he’s been scared of her. it literally happened a few episodes ago at the roller rink. even in season 1, mike yelled at her and triggered traumatic memories that reminded her of brenner (the flashbacks happen right after to show the parallels) and it happened again in season 4. she also said “you think i’m a monster too” when they were arguing because she knows that mike has been scared of her. and at the roller rink when she was sitting at the table shaking and crying, he just stared at her along with the crowd and he didn’t sit with her or take her away from the triggering environment. he just stared and did nothing. in the car he was silent and then at the dinner table he made a sarcastic comment which made her feel worse and get up and leave. then he sips his drink which is a parallel to ted and karen. obviously mike has every right to be shocked and afraid sometimes, but el was also really struggling and he did nothing to help. even when she confronted him about everything, he just sat there, got defensive, denied everything and called her ridiculous. “he’s just a teenager” just doesn’t work as an excuse because we’ve seen that mike can be mature, apologise and take responsibility for what he’s done wrong with other people, so why didn’t he do that during their fight scene? why was he sitting there with no emotion on his face and making her feel worse as she was literally breaking down in front of him? why did he have to be pressured and motivated by his best friend to say he loves his own girlfriend? “he just needed some advice”, “he’s just insecure”, “his parents couldn’t say ily”. these are all ridiculous excuses that make no sense. it also doesn’t explain why will was involved in this mess in the first place. how is it okay for a gay child to just be shoved to the side and heartbroken and then force the boy he loves into telling his girlfriend he loves her? how are people seriously okay with that?
more lies and idolisation
during the monologue, mike also could’ve mentioned el's friends and family which mean the world to her instead of just making it about himself and why he needs “his superhero”. he could’ve mentioned who she is as a person instead of just her powers, but the truth is, he barely knows who she is as a person because they can’t be themselves around each other and they don’t even share any similar interests. that's why it confuses me when people actually take what he's saying seriously and think he's being genuine and "romantic" when he isn't. "oh, but mike said he fell in love the moment he met her, he’s so in love”. uh, of course he's going to say that when he's under pressure and she's in danger, but that doesn't mean it's true. we know that he was going through one of the most traumatic times in his life when will went missing and he wasn’t focusing on falling in love… he was literally only 12 years old and he knew el for 6 days before she disappeared. they were strangers. he also only let her stay when she said the bad guys were after her and when he found out she had powers and could help find will, not because he “fell in love”. he was literally planning to send her away so they could focus on finding will. so many people forget about this but it’s just crazy to think about. even when they reunite at the end of season 2, they had only spent less than a week with each other as children. mike called her every day with no response but that’s only because he wanted to know if she was out there because she was his friend and of course he cares about her. but they still barely knew each other and he didn’t get to know her more while he was making those calls because she couldn’t even respond. there was no proper build up, no honest communication and no getting to know each other properly before getting into a relationship.
rushed romance
people talk about how they fell in love immediately when they barely even knew each other and el just escaped a lab she was raised in and didn’t know what romance was. she couldn’t even communicate at the same level as mike and everything happened so quickly for her (and no, this is NOT saying that she's not capable of having a boyfriend now. of course she is. she's incredible and she's capable of so much. but when she got out of the lab, she was just a child and she wasn't taught anything about romance or relationships, so it would've been so confusing for her and she needed more time to discover herself and her own interests and then figure out who she likes, if she even wanted a relationship at all). in season 3, she asked max how she knows what she likes because no one has ever taught her or allowed her to figure things out on her own and decide what she likes for herself. max was the first person to do that and it was a really important moment for el. she was also the happiest she had ever been in that scene when they were shopping and i’ve never seen her smile and laugh so much. it was really beautiful to see.
anyways, i know she's not being forced to stay in her relationship with mike but i feel like both of them heavily depend on each other due to their emotional attachment since they found each other during a traumatic time and saved each other when they were vulnerable and needed help. mike was the first person to take care of el outside the lab and helped her hide from the bad guys so she wouldn’t have to go back, and el saved mike's life when he jumped off the cliff and then she broke his bully's arm. mike and el feel like they owe each other something and they're extremely dependent on each other because they saved each other, but i don't understand why they had to start dating because of that? it's like they feel like they can't be anything outside of a couple which isn't healthy considering the show has proven over and over again that they're not working as a couple. i don't know why people think this is a bad thing either or an "insult" to their relationship. it's not at all. no one is saying they don't love each other, because of course they do. they just don't work together romantically for many reasons, but they would still love each other even if they're just friends. in fact, i think their relationship would be even stronger if they were just friends.
they don’t feel like equals (and literally admitted this in the show)
one of the biggest issues with their relationship is that both mike and el can’t be themselves with each other and they always lie, so it doesn’t help that he lied during his monologue too. it’s really sad. you shouldn’t feel like you need to lie or change who you are when you’re in a relationship. and i just feel like there were so many other ways they could’ve done this. like, if they wanted mike and el together, that’s fine. but why couldn’t their relationship be more genuine and why couldn’t they be themselves around each other? el didn’t even need a boyfriend or first kiss in season 1, she just needed a friend to help her and be by her side. mike is the one that decided what their relationship would be because he had a little crush on her, but el didn’t get a say at all. i understand it was supposed to be "cute and wholesome" and mike didn’t have any bad intentions when he kissed her, but it’s just really strange when you actually think about how they barely knew each other and el didn’t know what a kiss was.
the characters deserve better
i also just feel like this scene hurts all 3 characters involved (el, mike and will, because yes, will was involved in a way considering he's been in love with mike since the beginning and he’s the reason mike said his monologue in the first place) and it feels insulting to them. the writers also placed will in EVERY mike and el scene except their fight, so people can’t get mad when people “make it all about will”. blame the writers then. people are obviously going to talk about the abused and traumatised gay child that’s suffering and getting his heart broken.
el: she deserves to be loved for who she is as a person, as jane, not just “superhero eleven”. her boyfriend should’ve shown her love in his letters and he should’ve comforted her and explained himself (or just simply said “i love you”) when she was crying in her room begging to hear the words. his excuse for not being able to say it was “i’m scared she won’t need me anymore”, but she clearly needed him in that moment. he knew what she wanted to hear. he also said he feels inferior because he’s just a nerd and she’s a superhero. but she didn’t even have powers in that scene where she was crying. she was just a regular person like him, so why couldn’t he say it? in the next episode, he also admits that if he just said “that thing”, she might’ve taken him with her (he couldn't even specify what it was when he was talking to will). so he knew exactly what she wanted but he still didn’t say it. this entire plot was just added for drama and it feels so unnecessary. he couldn’t even tell her he loved her when she was sobbing in his room but he only could after his best friend convinced him with his painting, monologue and pushed him to when el was in danger. how is that fair? how do people think it’s genuine after all that? “because mike is just insecure and needed a push”???? because that doesn’t change the fact that he has lied to her and made her feel horrible before. it doesn’t change the fact that she was SOBBING in front of him and he was more worried about himself than her feelings. 3 simple words could’ve comforted her and he just couldn’t do it… until his conversation with will? it’s crazy to think about. that’s why all the excuses are just ridiculous. el deserves so much better than this. she deserves to find someone that loves her for who she is, that shares the same interests as her, that she can fully be herself around, and that doesn't care about her powers.
will: his feelings for mike shouldn’t have been used as a plot device to force mike and el back together when they can’t even sort out their own relationship problems. using a gay character’s feelings when he has been abused, targeted, bullied, lonely and suffering since the very beginning of the show is absolutely cruel and unnecessary. he hasn’t even had a moment of happiness and he thinks he’ll never experience love because of his sexuality. it's even more heartbreaking knowing he has loved mike since the beginning but he thinks mike will never love him back and he has to watch him with someone else while he gets pushed to the side. speaking of being pushed to the side, the way mike treated will in season 3 and 4 (especially how he couldn't hug him at the airport) makes absolutely no sense unless he has repressed feelings for will and internalised homophobia because otherwise, mike is just an asshole and there was no need for any of that. his relationship with el never should've affected his relationship with will, especially because will has been his best friend since they were 4 years old and they have the closest relationship in the entire show. also, will's painting for mike was supposed to be a special moment between them only. his love confession was also the most beautiful and genuine thing and it made mike so happy, but he used el’s name to disguise it and it was so painful and heartbreaking to watch. will is also the only reason mike said his monologue to el because he was so inspired by the painting and car monologue and thought it was all from el when it wasn't. it was all from will. even when el was in danger, will still had to push mike to say it. and yet, will is still lonely and heartbroken after being so kind and selfless to everyone around him? he still doesn't get to be happy after everything he's been through? it’s just not fair. they can’t keep doing this to him.
mike: he’s just simply been reduced to el’s boyfriend. we barely even know him anymore and he doesn’t get his own moments. his entire arc this season revolved around not being able to tell el he loved her. like are you actually kidding me? he did nothing this season except be part of el's storyline. he also changes so much when he’s around her. it’s so ridiculous and unfair and his friends have been hurt because of it too. he shouldn’t have to pretend to be someone he’s not in order to impress el. i also feel like so many people forget how much trauma mike has been through and we don’t even get to see any of it. we don’t get to see his POV or feelings or understand what’s going on inside his head. his entire character just revolves around el and it’s not fair. he also deserves to be with someone he feels comfortable with and can actually be himself around. mike has to hide his own interests and he feels embarrassed about himself when he’s with el and he shouldn’t feel like that in his own relationship. sure, some people might use the excuse “they’re just kids” (as always), but it doesn’t change the fact that this has been going on since their relationship started and they’ve never truly felt like equals. they’ve always been different and they always will be. mike deserves to be with someone that loves him for exactly who he is and that brings out the best in him. someone who makes him feel safe and comfortable for being nerdy and passionate. someone who can give him the love he wants and needs. it’s just sad (and unhealthy) to see him in a relationship where he changes so much and obsesses over his girlfriend and treats his friends like garbage to the point where he becomes the most disliked character in the show and the general audience can’t stand him. like if that doesn’t say a lot about how this relationship isn’t good for this character, i don’t know what does.
#also this isn't specifically byler but i love the people in the byler tag and we have good discussions so hi lol#anyways#if they wanted mike and el together fine but why not make their relationship genuine at least#why not make them actually be able to be themselves with each other instead of constantly lying to each other#and also#the fact he only said all this because of will's confession feels like a slap in the face too#and will had to sit there and listen to it as well#he would've been panicking for el AND also getting his heart broken at the same time#it would've been one of the most overwhelming and hardest moments#el doesn't deserve to only be told she's loved when she's in danger and when her boyfriend gets pushed into it by his best friend#and will doesn't deserve to have his feelings for mike used as a plot device to force another ship back together#and then he just suffers all alone again like he does every season????? absolutely not#the entire thing is a mess!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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is anyone here old and online enough to remember the final fantasy vii house? if you don’t, rewind to the turn of the century, 20 odd years back. i haven’t brushed up on the details, but i’ll give you a general synopsis.
so, this 19 y/o with a troubled home life – i think they were trans, which i only bring up to give some context as to how someone might stuck end up in a situation like this, because they need support wherever they can find it – ends up meeting some people at a con who are really into cosplay and really into final fantasy vii, jrpgs, anime, amongst other 90s turn of the millennium stuff, and ends up living with this deeply troubled lesbian couple, and some orbiters that come and go. “kinnies” wasn’t really a term around at the time, but that’s probably the closest description to what they were. “there’s this parallel universe, not one that’s just alternate potentialities of our world, but anything you can think of or imagine or conceptualize is spawning into a reality in and of itself. therefore, you can have these spiritual soul bonds with fictional characters. you are them, and they are you, and you have a dimensional link to this character from a video game that was written by a japanese guy who worked 80 hours a week” they all engage in this to varying degrees, but the person at the center of this did so the most strongly. they really sincerely believed this and it was this nightmare situation of this one central individual doing weird torture rituals to people. like putting them into ice water baths and stuff to try and bring forth their connections to these characters... but at the same time, making everyone else pay the bills and do the housework and everything. a proto cult. the initial kid who moved in with them gets out of this situation eventually and issues a warning to the ffvii fandom.
if you google final fantasy vii house, you’ll find videos and summaries. the original callout page is still up and down the rabbit hole did an episode about it.
that basic idea that “all the movies you love exist in a parallel universe that exists unto itself and can interact with ours” is something i’ve seen fiction that touches on it. wishbone goes into the book and becomes one of the characters. anybody remember wishbone? or the never-ending story. those were most of my imaginary kid scenarios when i was a kid playing in my back yard. some iteration of me interacting with all my favorite characters. it’s kind of... a stunted, juvenile mindset. but there are some people who don’t grow up and who are so, well, mentally ill that the intersection of these things makes their filter for reality so busted. they’re so emotionally connected to whatever fictions they escape into that they turn this into a cosmology that they really, sincerely believe in. and as the internet coalesces and comes into being, scattered individuals that have taken the ball and run with it on these fictional contrivances interact with each other and reenforce one another’s delusions. the story of tumblr dot com.
chris-chan is another huge example of this. if you look at the early chris-chan lore, like making billy mays the mayor of cwcville, which is something she was really upset about initially. that limitless capacity to make yourself believe whatever you want to believe, regardless of the external world. pure solipsism. the world is what i make it and i live entirely in my delusion. the same cosmology: all the fiction i love is real, and i can really meet those characters. ezra miller’s cult thing seems like it’s also hitting the same beats
as more and more people get online and grow up in a media-saturated environment, and as corporations embrace the multiverse concept as a way to have, like, 8 different versions of spider-man for every demographic and have them meet, i think this is going to become more a cosmology or ideology that gets built into new-age cults, etc. not to be super doom & gloom, because this is going to be an insane crank belief in the same way that if you went back 50 years, there were plenty of other insane crank beliefs. but i think this is going to be the new dominant one because, absent anything else to get invested in, absent a world of class consciousness or meaningful political movements, but post the atomic bomb, it’s kind of hard to have conventional religious beliefs.
even the people i know who are converting to catholicism, there’s a kind of post-modern self-awareness that is different from the sincere un self-reflective faith that would have constituted most people’s engagement with religion, like, 500 years ago. it has the same pieces of all the other new age stuff that gained prominence in the decades post wwii. it’s a search for something that fills a spiritual and social void, but can square with a reality where personal religious belief no longer seems tenable.
“what am i emotionally connected with?” i don’t know, sonic the hedgehog. or the flash . or kylo ren. or whoever. it’s so desperate to satisfy that emotional connection with those characters and their worlds, you convince yourself there’s some way to actually spiritually, mentally, even physically connect with them. that they are more than just fiction.
we’re gonna keep seeing more and more of this kinda shit. this is just the beginning.
and the core person behind the final fantasy house is still out there to this day.
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Sleepless, a fanfic
Premise: Elvis is on a roadtrip with the Memphis Mafia, heading towards LA for another movie shoot. But with a bout of insomnia he finds himself wandering into a diner, stumbling across another lonely soul.
Note: A Y/N fic, more moody than romantic.
Takes place in the general 1960s, this is a completely fictional work, not meant to imply anything about the real life Elvis Presley.
Warnings: None
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It’s an ungodly hour, as they say, when even the crickets start to yawn. The regulars have cleared out and all that’s left if the occasional truck driver stopping for maybe a coffee or eggs. A consolation is that, It’s a time of night where even as an employee to this broken down diner, you feel free to use the juke box.
You usually don’t get input on the soundtrack of the day. So at night, it pleases you just listen to ‘Tomorrow is a Long Time’ by Odetta playing for as many quarters as you have.
As a waitress at the counter of Big Gene’s, you’ve seen them all. Drunks, vagrants, roustabouts. The last thing you’d think to see was Elvis Presley.
Not just a few weeks ago you’d seen one of his pictures on the big screen with some girlfriends and here he was waltzing on in… alone.
You pretend to act casual cleaning some glasses as he takes a seat at the counter. Beyond the stirring in you at seeing a celebrity, you can’t help but notice that under that he seems troubled.
A part of you may be wanting an autograph, but you’ve seen enough late night lonely souls to know how to start the conversation they want to hear, “can I get you anything, honey?” You ask, leaning over in his direction with a smile.
Elvis seems to just only now to have noticed you. Seemingly more tuned in to the jukebox rather than those around him. “Coffee, ma’am. Thank you,” he gives a little smile in response. “Good music you got going on.”
As you prepare the drink and set it down, you’re closer to him, face to face. “Oh yeah, helps pass the time and… yeah I can’t help it, soulful and bluesy keeps me going, especially this time of night or…morning? I don’t even know when we are.” Elvis’s smile gets a little brighter and you can feel your heart skip a beat.
“What’s your name, darlin’?” He asks, and when you respond he says it back in a way you’ve never heard it before. “Y/N… I like it.” He takes a swig of his coffee. Any other time you’d be tending to other customers but you think Al at the end of the counter that’s been nursing his Pepsi for an hour will be alright for a while.
“Can I… get you anything else?” You ask, wondering if you’re blushing. By now Elvis must be sure he’s been recognized.
“No, ma’am.” He pauses, “you know I’ve been in more road side diners than anyone, usually with my guys. Sometimes I forget what it’s like to be alone.” He chuckles, “I don’t make no sense now, do I? Who wants to be alone?”
“I don’t know,” you start refilling some of the salt containers you have lined up, trying to keep your hands busy. “But, I get it. Sometimes you just gotta get away and… listen to whatever you come across. Whether it’s music or…” Nothing really compared to music in a moment like this.
And for a good half hour, that’s how it was. Just music playing. Every now and then the tunes would stop. And you’d load your quarters for a new song or a replay. Eventually, Elvis caught on that you were the DJ and started lining quarters on the counter for you. A wordless little gesture that, he liked your style. He liked how you listened.
And you liked seeing him more relaxed. The troubled brow he’d come in seemed to have lost its tension.
Time passed, songs ended.
The sun was going to rise soon, you didn’t even need to look at a clock, you both just knew that. And by the rustling of his jacket, Elvis would be heading out soon. After all, a life like his, who had time to relax with a stranger.
A couple hundred questions rushed you. What was his favorite song, what did he love most about music, what did he love about acting, you tried to pick which question to ask. But his Memphis drawl cut your sudden rush.
“What do I owe you, Y/N?” Elvis stood up, and at the response of you shaking your head, he chuckled and put twice the amount the cup of coffee was worth on the counter. “Hey now,” he mumbled, “thanks for keeping me company. It’s nice to, just be sleepless sometimes.”
And in that moment, you didn’t have any questions anymore.
Elvis would stop at this diner again, later in his career. It was on the way to LA after all and he had his non stop career working him day in and day out. But that was the only night you’d ever see him alone. It was the only night you’d see him sleepless.
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Hey Yokan!
Have you ever read the book “shatter me”? I’ve nearly finished it but I couldn’t help but notice that Aaron reminds me a lot of klaus. And that made me think..
Have you ever read books where the characters remind you of people you’ve seen in shows? If so, could you recommend to me some books that have couples which remind you of Klaroline?
Thank you <333
Hi, nonnie! I have heard about Shatter Me, but I've never read it. By Tahereh Mafi, right?
Look 🤣 I'm not gonna say I live for those books, but I do live for those books. 🥲 It's not a coincidence I fell in love with KC, I love that type of dynamic.
Off the top of my mind, I can think of two that literally had me SCREAMING, but I'm not sure I should rec them because the last installments are very disappointing. lol They build up to something and then deliver something else completely.
All of Us Villains by Christine Lynn and Amanda Foody and The Guinevere Deception by Kiersten White. I swallowed them like an insane person and then wanted to die after the finale. lol So if you decide to read them, bear in my mind you might not be entirely happy with how they end (some people like it tho, so).
I'm halfway through The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, which definitely has a certain component there, though I don't know where it's going with it yet and tbh I'm not in love with it (even tho I do love V.E. Schwab's writing).
There's The Folk of the Air trilogy by Holly Black, which is rly, rly good, and the romance is so delicious! It takes enemies to lovers to the very edge.
To Kill a Kingdom by Alexandra Christo also has a very awesome enemies to lovers romance, and I like the role reversal (the girl is the one with teeth and claws). It also happens to be a Little Mermaid rewriting, something I don't usually like, but it's very well done.
Another series with that sort of vibe, and probably my favorite out of the bunch I've mentioned, is And I Darken by Kiersten White. The whole setting of the story is so very unique. It reads almost like a fantasy book, but it's really a historical fiction, reimagining a real event, with real people, but with a major twist, and it's sooooo good! In fact, it featured Vlad III, or Vlad The Impaler, aka the historical figure that inspired Count Dracula, EXCEPT he's a girl (Vlada). And she's WILD and RUTHLESS and the romance component of the story is so good. There's also a love triangle that involves Vlada's brother (another real life figure) and Mehemed III (also real life figure), and it's unlike any other I've ever read. Honestly, I love this series with all my heart.
I'm probably forgetting loads of books here, have terrible memory. But these are some that I really like! I'm also always open for book recs if you have any. :)
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Holiday Films and Romantic Heroes
OR…George Bailey Has Big Shoes to Fill, But J Can Do It
I never know what to get J for Christmas. He’s a hard man to shop for. It gives me anxiety. Because he deserves to be lavishly celebrated, but…I don’t know how to do that properly, I guess.
Gift giving for J is kind of intimidating, because, in my life, J’s the best person who’s ever been born. I know…people who actually read the stuff I post know we have a son, and I’m supposed to say that our son is the best person to ever be born. I get it. Of COURSE I love our son to absolute pieces. I love him on a cellular level. I love every neuron in his brain and every blood cell pumping through his veins. I’d gladly and without hesitation lay down all my cells for any of his. But I loved J like that FIRST, and without that consuming love for J, there would be no Boy. The Boy is the best *gift* J ever gave me. And he was even born immediately before Christmas. We brought him home from the hospital on Christmas Eve.
Again…I know. I’m a modern feminist. I don’t think women should be pigeon-holed by or glorified for motherhood, and not everyone wants to be a parent, but I DID and DO. I know women aren’t defined by the number of children they have (or don’t have), and a huge number of women parent solo, some by choice, not circumstance. But being a mom is important to me, personally, and I know it’s something that wouldn’t have happened for me without J. I never trusted anyone else enough to have sex with them, much less embark on a decades long partnership involving another human life, and I know it’s not something I’d have ever considered choosing to do by myself.
J has given and continues to give me…jeez…everything.
When I was a little girl, I wanted a dog so badly I dragged a plush dog around for years, pretending it was real. I even wrote a little ‘theme’ at school in the second grade about My Dog (my stuffie) that was so convincing my teacher mentioned it to my mom on parent/teacher night. ‘Boy, she really loves her dog.’ My mom revealed it was just a stuffed animal, and my teacher was stunned. I begged my parents incessantly, always hearing 'no.’
When J and I got married and moved to our current home, I mentioned that I’d always wanted a dog. (One of the reasons for 'no’ when I was a kid was that we lived in an apartment. I asked again when we lived in a house with a fenced in yard…my parents still said no).
J: You want a dog? I’ll get you one.
He was on PetFinder within the next five minutes. We had our rescue pupper dog 6 weeks after we bought the house.
J’s given me unconditional acceptance of my quirks and kinks and flaws, and has helped me better myself. I’m physically in better shape, I’m less afraid in general and my panic attacks are fewer and farther between. I’m happier, more confident, more comfortable socially, and I feel more attractive. He’s given me financial independence…a product of his hard work, ingenuity, and sacrifice, not inherited wealth or blind luck. He gave me the child I always wanted, the home I always wanted, the dog I always wanted, the relationship loyalty and security I always wanted, the family I always wanted, plus about a million other smaller things. And he doesn’t even ask for any credit for it.
Anyway, I’ve seen this survey question floating around online: 'Which fictional couple would you compare yourselves to?’ I’ve seen a lot of good answers. Hank and Peggy Hill (ha!), Gomez and Morticia Addams, Meredith Grey and Derek Shepard from Grey’s Anatomy, Harry and Sally from When Harry Met Sally, Archie and Edith Bunker from All in the Family…
I’d say J and I are more like George and Mary Bailey from It’s a Wonderful Life.
(HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love that scene!)
It’s a romantic movie, not just a holiday film. Trust me. It’s actually probably my favorite love story in film. And J is that kind of romantic hero.
He’s so kind and selfless and always does the right thing and helps other people, even when it involves a forfeit of what he wanted for himself. He’s that quiet, unsung hero in real life. He asks me what I want and works hard to make it happen, whether that’s his own giving nature and determination, or encouraging me and helping to hold me accountable to achieve my own goals. I don’t normally ask for or want to do anything too crazy, but J will still help me get whatever it is with little, if any, regard for how wildly irrational it might be.
And me? Well…you know that scene where Clarence is showing George how things are because he’d never been born, and George asks for Mary, and Clarence says, 'You’re not gonna like it George…’ and they find her and she’s a fearful, solitary, pathologically reclusive librarian whose entire life is her work? Not that there’s anything wrong with fearful, solitary, pathologically reclusive librarians whose entire lives are their work if that’s what they want out of life, but that’s not the life I wanted for myself. I am **convinced** that would be me without J.
J gave me the **life** I always wanted.
So I get anxiety every year around Christmas, because I don’t know what to do for him. How to show enough appreciation and gratitude to him. I feel overwhelmed with those feelings every day, but especially on gift giving occasions. He’s given me all of this…he’s made literal dreams and fantasies come true for me. Getting him some car accessory or renewing his subscription to American Motorcyclist seems dreadfully inadequate. And the one way J is NOT like George Bailey is that he’s never in any kind of big trouble I could save him from, so…I can’t even plagiarize the movie. All I have is a bunch of sappy (but heartfelt and TRUE) words. And imperfect me.
I love J beyond all rhyme and reason. I’m so, so happy and grateful he was born, and that I get to be his wife. He’s my romantic hero. He’s my leading man.
Thank you, J, for my wonderful life.
It IS a wonderful life.
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Heartbeats; Paradise Chapter 11
Title: Heartbeats; Paradise
Author: Jay Grayson
Word Count: 112K
Genres: Psychological thriller, drama, sci-fi, LGBT+
Available on: Kobo and my website
Synopsis: Melvin Hardy and Kade Axel appear to be a match made in heaven. After a meet-cute in the rain, the two quickly find themselves in a burgeoning, wholesome relationship.
Yet, things feel…off. It isn’t the ghosts of their pasts that resurface to test the strength of their partnership—no—it’s something nebulous. Something indescribable. Melvin can’t put his finger on it but, the more time he spends with Kade, the more he starts to wonder what’s real and what’s pure fiction.
Full chapter 11 under the cut:
Chapter Eleven:
I wish I could run into Bree by accident. Her strange behavior from the other night still eats at me but I haven’t been able to see or speak to her since. I’ve sent a text while at work but the reception is so bad in my office that it never goes through and each time I mention her to Kade, he tells me that she’s busy and that’s why she hasn’t been around.
It’s not just her though. I haven’t heard anything about Nate either and I’ve only seen Starla once, very shortly, when picking Kade up from work.
Hugo is still replying only in short form when I’m in the office and everyone continues to act like soulless zombies when I try to interact with them.
Really, the only person I’ve spent any significant time with is Kade. While I can’t complain about that, I do wish we could have some sort of get together or hang out with our friends. As wonderful as a world with just Kade is, I am finding it a little lonely.
I can’t relay this to Kade. Not only do I not want to upset him by insinuating that his company isn’t enough for me, I also can’t—physically. I’ve tried to bring it up a few times but each attempt has ended with us talking about something else entirely.
Or having sex.
We’ve had so much sex I start to worry about chaffing.
My hand clasps Kade’s as we walk side by side in the downtown area. There is a fountain in the middle of some older storefronts and a few other couples walk around, holding hands and chatting happily. I catch a few of their eyes and smile as we pass by.
Kade squeezes my hand and laces our fingers together. He’s humming and his eyes shine with wonder as he looks around at all the different stores.
I wait for him to pick a destination and watch him with a relaxed smile. A pleasant buzz invades my head and nearly matches the tone of my boyfriend’s content humming. I start to sway our hands and, the more dramatic I become with the motion, the more Kade starts to grin.
“What?” he says first as he glances up at me.
“What?” I respond in kind but I can’t keep my smile from growing.
“You’re the one staring at me,” Kade points out and pokes me in the chest.
“I can’t help it,” I decide on the cheesy route and say, “You’re so beautiful I have no other choice.”
His face flushes and he responds with a pout. “Don’t tease me. Not in front of all these people.”
“I’m not teasing.” I’m really not—though it is fun to make him blush. I try to reserve that kind of thought for when we’re alone though. “You really are gorgeous. I always find myself blown away by the fact you chose me.”
“Well, why wouldn’t I?” Kade asks and steps in front of me. Our hands remain interlocked and he grabs my free hand to hold it too. With a slight sway, he continues, “You’re the most handsome, most caring, and most amazing man I’ve ever met. I’m the one that’s lucky to have you.”
I intend to argue but I already know where that leads. To us going back and forth, indefinitely, over who’s really the lucky one between us. And neither of us would ever concede.
“Aren’t you just the sweetest,” I say instead and lean down to kiss him. Amidst the other couples I doubt we stick out too terribly.
When I pull back I’m gifted with that beautiful face and those captivating eyes. I almost go for another kiss but I fear if I do then the date will skip to the end too quickly.
“Where do you wanna go?” I ask and glance around the square.
Kade hums in thought and follows my lead, checking each of the stores. “Nate says there’s a boutique here with some nice clothes. I could use some retail therapy.”
I laugh breathily and then nod. I wouldn’t mind a little Kade fashion show myself and I have the means to buy whatever his heart desires.
We pass the fountain and a couple who are a little too unaware they’re in public with the way they kiss. I pry my eyes away and turn to the shop instead. I hold the door open for my boyfriend and he bows dramatically to thank me for the gesture, laughing all the while.
The clothes in the boutique aren’t my style at all but Kade seems taken by the selection right away. He runs from one mannequin to the next, admiring their outfits and wondering aloud where the pieces are in the store. I help him find some of them and he takes his favorites with the promise of showing me how they look on him. I catch the suggestive wink and a shot of adrenaline races through me.
I doubt we can get away with doing anything in a changing room but the idea is certainly dangerous and more than a little sexy.
But I don’t try to follow him back immediately. I take a seat by the curtain and I cross my legs in anticipation.
Kade takes his time and, when he does walk out, he’s put together an entirely new look with his hair tied up in a bun and everything.
He’s wearing an outfit that wouldn’t look out of place in Nate’s closet and I can see why the man sings the praises of the boutique. But the fit is becoming on Kade and I can’t even decide where to focus my attention. His collar bone is showing with the deep swoop of the neckline and his stomach is peeking out but only when he moves his arms in a certain way. The pants are looser but they hug his hips and I can follow the curves of his body fairly well with my eyes. The boots are cute too and have a heel on them that make him a few inches taller so I wouldn’t have to lean so far down to kiss him.
He turns from side to side, showing off all the details and designs on the shirt in particular. It has clashing patterns and it definitely keeps my eyes busy.
“What do you think?” he asks and lifts a foot up as he giggles.
“Adorable.” I smile and give him a small clap in appreciation. “I don’t know how you’re not a model.”
Kade rolls his eyes. “Oh, stop it,” he says but he’s smiling though.
When he retreats behind the curtain again, I prepare myself for a long wait. I check my phone but there are no messages or notifications. I have no one to text anyway so I put it back in my pocket.
“Melvin…?”
The sudden use of my name by someone other than Kade sends me to my feet. I turn around to see none other than Gladis walking toward me. She’s got a dress thrown over her arm and she looks as surprised to see me as I feel to see her. This boutique isn’t exactly her style so I’m not sure what she’s doing here.
“Gladis.” I gape and fight for what to say so I decide to just speak my mind, “What are you doing here?”
“Shopping,” she responds with irritation clear in her voice. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m on a date.”
“Oh. With your new flame?” She puts her hand on her hip and regards me with what I read as doubt. As if I’m lying or, worse, she doesn’t believe my relationship with Kade is worth anything.
“My boyfriend, yes,” I clarify with my eyes narrowed.
Gladis flicks her eyes over to the changing room and then back to me. “I can’t wait to see what kind of guy you’ve settled down with.”
I’m not sure why she’s acting so antagonistic but I don’t have a moment to digest it since Kade steps out in his new outfit. It’s a charming button up with suspenders and a bowtie. He has his hair back down, falling past his shoulders in a loose but beautiful mess.
“Mel?” Kade notices instantly that something is wrong and he gets a good look at Gladis. “Who is this?”
“I’m the ex,” Gladis introduces herself before I can even open my mouth. “The name’s Gladis Rose, sweetheart.”
I watch Kade’s face tense and he doesn’t smile but he does reply, “I’m Kade Axel. You’re not here to see Mel, are you?”
“Oh no,” she says and waves him off, dismissing the, apparently, ridiculous idea. “I just happened upon him. We’ve been over and done with for a time.”
“You’re older than I expected,” Kade responds and I’m surprised by his bluntness.
Gladis scoffs and shakes her head. “And you’re not as prim and innocent as Melvin let on. With how he spoke of you, I expected a bashful little mouse who couldn’t look me in the eye.”
Kade looks away from her but only to stare at me. “What all did you say about me?”
Again, Gladis doesn’t let me speak. “He bragged to me how pure and vanilla your sex life is. Unlike my dark-sided, kinky self.”
“Melvin!?” Kade yells and I flinch.
“I did not say anything like that,” I try to defend myself. While I might have mentioned to Gladis that Kade and I were above her type of perversion, I never gave details. Though I worry, with emotions so high, he won’t believe me.
“May as well have.” She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. “And, as I recall correctly, you used to like my kind of sex. Sure kept coming back to my house, didn’t you?”
“Shut up!” I yell without being able to hold it back any longer.
“What is she talking about…?” Kade mutters and Gladis smirks as if this is all she came over to do.
Now that her goal is accomplished, she waves with her fingers and tilts her head to the side. “See you next year, Melvin. I’m sure you’ll be single again by then.”
She walks out of the store and I feel my gut twist as Kade stares at me. He’s hurt—he doesn’t have to tell me for me to know it. And I don’t know how to fix it.
“I’ll buy whatever you want…then we can go home,” I say with no enthusiasm.
“I don’t want anything anymore,” Kade murmurs, “I’ll get changed.”
The trip back to the apartment is silent and even my mind has difficulty forming thoughts. I want to prepare something to say—something to combat Gladis’ words but I keep coming up blank. And Kade’s disappointed yet concerned stare does nothing to help.
I keep my head down as I walk into the bedroom, expecting to be scolded.
“Melvin,” Kade says my name and it’s enough to send me to the edge.
So badly do I want his forgiveness—his understanding—that I fall to my knees and cling to his waist. It keeps me close to him but also keeps me from having to look him in the eye.
“I know that you’re upset,” I try to get ahead of him, “So, if it makes you feel better, maybe you should punish me. Do whatever you want—I can take it.”
Kade’s hands unclasp my grip and he moves his left hand to my face, forcing me to look up at him. He isn’t mad—I don’t think—but his eyes are full of unshed tears.
“You’re like this because of her, aren’t you?” His brows pinch together. “How old were you when you met her? What did she make you do? What terrible things did she make you associate with love?”
I realize, all at once, that Kade isn’t upset with me—he’s upset for me. My heart still pounds like crazy but I don’t feel like I could pass out at any moment anymore.
“I was fifteen when I met Gladis. She was a friend of my mother’s…” I gulp as I retell the story but the memories that come with my words are all blurry and hard to make out.
“I’m so sorry, Melvin,” Kade says and sinks down on his knees to meet me, face to face. He brushes back my hair and cradles my face in his hands while he sheds tears for my sake. “But you never have to worry about doing anything like that again. I’ll never make you beg for my love or punish you for my enjoyment. I’m not that kind of person.”
“I know,” I say though I want to take his line from when I comforted him about Oswald. When he said that it was okay that I did the same things because I’m me. I, too, think that—so long as it’s Kade—I’m okay with being slapped and choked. But I can’t get the words out.
I claim his lips with my own and I taste the love he has for me in the salt of his tears. For him to cry over me is proof that he truly cares and doesn’t blame me, at all, for what happened with Gladis. I may even be absolved of my crimes from the other day—of hiding these things from him.
We don’t take the extra step to get up and move to the bed. Instead, we fall to the floor right beside it. Kade lays over the top of me and deepens our kiss, filling me with a desire that clears my head rather than muddling it further.
I wait for a natural break in the kiss, when both of us take a second to catch our breaths. “Wait, Kade,” I say and run my fingers through his silky, blonde hair.
He presses his lips against mine, teasing a kiss but not quite committing to it. His eyes flutter up to mine. “Yes?”
“Why don’t you top this time?” It’s more direct than I’d usually say but I don’t want him to misconstrue and I don’t want the moment to pass us by.
It’s the best time for it, I feel, as Kade can fully claim me as his. We can be our firsts in this regard as well and have something between us that no one else can take away.
Plus, I really want to.
Kade looks at me for a long moment though it probably just feels long. He takes my glasses from my face and places them up on the bed where they can’t be crushed by accident. He doesn’t appear put out by my request and even keeps a smile firmly in place.
“Whatever you want, Melvin.”
He starts to unbutton my shirt and my chest constricts in both excitement and nervousness. I really don’t know what to expect but I am eager to find out. I trust that Kade will take care of me and I want to be able to be this vulnerable with him.
When we’re nude, Kade straddles my lap and looks down at me with an angelic glow around him. I hold his hand and give him a light squeeze, letting him know, without saying anything, that I’m ready.
Then Kade sits on me.
Even he looks confused.
I thought we were on the same page but, maybe, I didn’t word things clearly enough. He adjusts himself and begins to move against me at a slow, easy pace. His eyes move away from me and I see both his brow and his lips twitch.
“You okay?” I ask though I really want to ask what happened.
Kade nods but still doesn’t look at me. “I’m good…” He holds onto my hand tighter and finally twists his head back so I can see his face. My heart seizes—he looks like he’s about to cry again. But all he says is, “I love you.”
I try to ask what’s the matter.
I try to ask what went wrong.
But when I open my mouth I respond, “I love you more.”
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Excellent article about bringing a re-make of Ingmar Bergman’s Scenes from a Marriage to fruition, and the twenty-year friendship that Oscar Isaac and Jessica Chastain share:
There were days on the shoot for “Scenes From a Marriage,” a five-episode limited series that premieres Sept. 12 on HBO, when Oscar Isaac resented the crew.
The problem wasn’t the crew members themselves, he told me on a video call in March. But the work required of him and his co-star, Jessica Chastain, was so unsparingly intimate — “And difficult!” Chastain added from a neighboring Zoom window — that every time a camera operator or a makeup artist appeared, it felt like an intrusion.
On his other projects, Isaac had felt comfortably distant from the characters and their circumstances — interplanetary intrigue, rogue A.I. But “Scenes” surveys monogamy and parenthood, familiar territory. Sometimes Isaac would film a bedtime scene with his onscreen child (Lily Jane) and then go home and tuck his own child into the same model of bed as the one used onset, accessorized with the same bunny lamp, and not know exactly where art ended and life began.
“It was just a lot,” he said.
Chastain agreed, though she put it more strongly. “I mean, I cried every day for four months,” she said.
Isaac, 42, and Chastain, 44, have known each other since their days at the Juilliard School. And they have channeled two decades of friendship, admiration and a shared and obsessional devotion to craft into what Michael Ellenberg, one of the series’s executive producers, called “five hours of naked, raw performance.” (That nudity is metaphorical, mostly.)
“For me it definitely felt incredibly personal,” Chastain said on the call in the spring, about a month after filming had ended. “That’s why I don’t know if I have another one like this in me. Yeah, I can’t decide that. I can’t even talk about it without. …” She turned away from the screen. (It was one of several times during the call that I felt as if I were intruding, too.)
The original “Scenes From a Marriage,” created by Ingmar Bergman, debuted on Swedish television in 1973. Bergman’s first television series, its six episodes trace the dissolution of a middle-class marriage. Starring Liv Ullmann, Bergman’s ex, it drew on his own past relationships, though not always directly.
“When it comes to Bergman, the relationship between autobiography and fiction is extremely complicated,” said Jan Holmberg, the chief executive of the Ingmar Bergman Foundation.
A sensation in Sweden, it was seen by most of the adult population. And yes, sure, correlation does not imply causation, but after its debut, Swedish divorce were rumored to have doubled. Holmberg remembers watching a rerun as a 10-year-old.
“It was a rude awakening to adult life,” he said.
The writer and director Hagai Levi saw it as a teenager, on Israeli public television, during a stint on a kibbutz. “I was shocked,” he said. The series taught him that a television series could be radical, that it could be art. When he created “BeTipul,” the Israeli precursor to “In Treatment,” he used “Scenes” as proof of the concept “that two people can talk for an hour and it can work,” Levi said. (Strangely, “Scenes” also inspired the prime-time soap “Dallas.”)
So when Daniel Bergman, Ingmar Bergman’s youngest son, approached Levi about a remake, he was immediately interested.
But the project languished, in part because loving a show isn’t reason enough to adapt it. Divorce is common now — in Sweden, and elsewhere — and the relationship politics of the original series, in which the male character deserts his wife and young children for an academic post, haven’t aged particularly well.
Then about two years ago, Levi had a revelation. He would swap the gender roles. A woman who leaves her marriage and child in pursuit of freedom (with a very hot Israeli entrepreneur in place of a visiting professorship) might still provoke conversation and interest.
So the Marianne and Johan of the original became Mira and Jonathan, with a Boston suburb (re-created in a warehouse just north of New York City), stepping in for the Stockholm of the original. Jonathan remains an academic though Mira, a lawyer in the original, is now a businesswoman who out-earns him.
Casting began in early 2020. After Isaac met with Levi, he wrote to Chastain to tell her about the project. She wasn’t available. The producers cast Michelle Williams. But the pandemic reshuffled everyone’s schedules. When production was ready to resume, Williams was no longer free. Chastain was. “That was for me the most amazing miracle,” Levi said.
Isaac and Chastain met in the early 2000s at Juilliard. He was in his first year; she, in her third. He first saw her in a scene from a classical tragedy, slapping men in the face as Helen of Troy. He was friendly with her then-boyfriend, and they soon became friends themselves, bonding through the shared trauma of an acting curriculum designed to break its students down and then build them back up again. Isaac remembered her as “a real force of nature and solid, completely solid, with an incredible amount of integrity,” he said.
In the next window, Chastain blushed. “He was super talented,” she said. “But talented in a way that wasn’t expected, that’s challenging and pushing against constructs and ideas.” She introduced him to her manager, and they celebrated each other’s early successes and went to each other’s premieres. (A few of those photos are used in “Scenes From a Marriage” as set dressing.)
In 2013, Chastain was cast in J.C. Chandor’s “A Most Violent Year,”opposite Javier Bardem. When Bardem dropped out, Chastain campaigned for Isaac to have the role. Weeks before shooting, they began to meet, fleshing out the back story of their characters — a husband and wife trying to corner the heating oil market in 1981 New York — the details of the marriage, business, life.
It was their first time working together, and each felt a bond that went deeper than a parallel education and approach. “Something connects us that’s stronger than any ideas of character or story or any of that,” Isaac said. “There’s something else that’s more about like, a shared existence.”
Chandor noticed how they would support each other on set, and challenge each other, too, giving each other the freedom to take the characters’ relationship to dark and dangerous places. “They have this innate trust with each other,” Chandor said.
That trust eliminated the need for actorly tricks or shortcuts, in part because they know each other’s tricks too well. Their motto, Isaac said, was, “Let’s figure this [expletive] out together and see what’s the most honest thing we can do.”
Moni Yakim, Juilliard’s celebrated movement instructor, has followed their careers closely and he noted what he called the “magnetism and spiritual connection” that they suggested onscreen in the film.
��It’s a kind of chemistry,” Yakim said. “They can read each other’s mind and you as an audience, you can sense it.”
Telepathy takes work. When they knew that shooting “Scenes From a Marriage” could begin, Chastain bought a copy of “All About Us,” a guided journal for couples, and filled in her sections in character as Mira. Isaac brought it home and showed it to his wife, the filmmaker Elvira Lind.
“She was like, ‘You finally found your match,’” Isaac recalled. “’Someone that is as big of a nerd as you are.’”
The actors rehearsed, with Levi and on their own, talking their way through each long scene, helping each other through the anguished parts. When production had to halt for two weeks, they rehearsed then, too.
Watching these actors work reminded Amy Herzog, a writer and executive producer on the series, of race horses in full gallop. “These are two people who have so much training and skill,” she said. “Because it’s an athletic feat, what they were being asked to do.”
But training and skill and the “All About Us” book hadn’t really prepared them for the emotional impact of actually shooting “Scenes From a Marriage.” Both actors normally compartmentalize when they work, putting up psychic partitions between their roles and themselves. But this time, the partitions weren’t up to code.
“I knew I was in trouble the very first week,” Chastain said.
She couldn’t hide how the scripts affected her, especially from someone who knows her as well as Isaac does. “I just felt so exposed,” she said. “This to me, more than anything I’ve ever worked on, was definitely the most open I’ve ever been.”
“It felt so dangerous,” she said.
I visited the set in February (after multiple Covid-19 tests and health screenings) during a final day of filming. It was the quietest set I had ever seen: The atmosphere was subdued, reverent almost, a crew and a studio space stripped down to only what two actors would need to do the most passionate and demanding work of their careers.
Isaac didn’t know if he would watch the completed series. “It really is the first time ever, where I’ve done something where I’m totally fine never seeing this thing,” he said. “Because I’ve really lived through it. And in some ways I don’t want whatever they decide to put together to change my experience of it, which was just so intense.”
The cameras captured that intensity. Though Chastain isn’t Mira and Isaac isn’t Jonathan, each drew on personal experience — their parents’ marriages, past relationships — in ways they never had. Sometimes work on the show felt like acting, and sometimes the work wasn’t even conscious. There’s a scene in the harrowing fourth episode in which they both lie crumpled on the floor, an identical stress vein bulging in each forehead.
“It’s my go-to move, the throbbing forehead vein,” Isaac said on a follow-up video call last month. Chastain riffed on the joke: “That was our third year at Juilliard, the throb.”
By then, it had been five months since the shoot wrapped. Life had returned to something like normal. Jokes were possible again. Both of them seemed looser, more relaxed. (Isaac had already poured himself one tequila shot and was ready for another.) No one cried.
Chastain had watched the show with her husband. And Isaac, despite his initial reluctance, had watched it, too. It didn’t seem to have changed his experience.
“I’ve never done anything like it,” he said. “And I can’t imagine doing anything like it again.”
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#oscar isaac#jessica chastain#scenes from a marriage#hagai levi#michelle williams#elvira lind#behind the scenes#article
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Serene | F.H
Paring: Five Hargreeves X Fem!Reader
Summary: Five’s wife has a room in their apartment for her own safe keeping. But Diego’s daughter accidentally reveals her biggest secret.
Her scent was heavenly—a beautiful desired mix of coffee, chocolate, and old books. Waking up beside her was like waking up in a coffee shop during sunrise. Her scent resembled her nature and her personality to a tea.
She was calm, collective, resourceful, and quiet. Much different than he himself. Number Five was just as innovative as her. But he found himself more different than similar. He often acted upon impulse and unable to rest. To his siblings, they were bewildered at how the two of them spent a multitude of years together in an apocalypse.
Nevertheless, opposites attract.
Regardless, she didn’t speak up. Instead, she hid in a corner with a book agreeing with the other person instead of saying her point of view. She hated conflict more than anything. Five, on the other hand, would only make conflict when necessary. He always stood up for himself and his opinions.
It was a communication issue they both had to solve. While in the apocalypse, she didn’t speak for the first month. He was lucky if he even got some form of communication other than a nod or a shake of the head. Eventually, he learned her name was Y/n. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl. She looked like her name.
She moved so delicately and smoothly it drove Five crazy. This woman he met was so opposite to him it drove him up the wall. The conflict between the two usually ended up in her quietly leaving the shared apartment and returning later than expected. Which left Five to pull at the tuffs of his brown hair in frustration.
Five overthought everything. This woman was the light of his life, but she couldn’t deal with conflict to save her life, and it made him wonder. Maybe she went through a dark time before the apocalypse. Perhaps the scars on her arms weren’t from accidental burns on the fire. He paced in their main room for hours. It seemed before a knock on the door caught his attention.
The boy opened the door to see his brother, “ Hey, Diego. “
“ Um, hey, Five. “ Regardless of Diego’s nervous greeting, Five gave a reassuring smile, “ Artemis wanted to know if she could stay here for the time being while I’m at work. “
The little girl was Y/n’s pride and joy. The two were so highly similar. Even Artemis found herself cowering at Five sometimes. Five was just a ticking time bomb no one ever knew when it would explode, and it made people nervous. Henceforth Diego was hoping Y/n would answer the door with her soothing nature.
“ Yeah, she can stay here for as long as she wants. “ Five replied softly, looking at the ten-year-old girl, “ Is Y/n here? “ Diego queried.
Five shook his head, “ She went out. I’m sure she’ll be back later. “
“ Alright, well, thank you for taking care of her. “ Diego sighed as Artemis went inside Five’s apartment, “ It’s no problem. “
Diego gave another nervous smile and walked away. The brunet male shut the door and locked it afterward. The little girl never really got along with Five. He didn’t know what to do. Children didn’t mix well with Five, especially an introverted, antisocial ten-year-old girl.
Artemis was gorgeous for her age. Long brown hair that resembled Vanya’s at her age with bangs across her forehead. Striking blue eyes like no other. A pale complexion compared to Diego’s naturally tan one. Her name was almost a contradiction to who she was. This little girl was no independent, strong, brave goddess. Instead, she was intelligent, quiet, and careful.
There was one room in the apartment Y/n didn’t really let anyone into. It was the ‘spare’ bedroom that wasn’t really a bedroom anymore. Five had only been in there a handful of times. It was known as her safe space, so Five respected that. But Artemis seemed to walk right inside. To say it made Five uneasy was an understatement. He didn’t know if she was allowed inside or not.
Five walked into the room and was greeted with bookshelves. It looked much different than the last time he saw it. The room wasn’t huge, maybe the average size of a square bedroom. Black bookshelves covered the walls with a desk sitting in the middle of the room planted on a rug. The only wall space not covered was a window with a tiny navy blue couch placed in front of it.
That’s where Artemis sat with a book in hand; she giggled at her uncle’s lost complexion, “ You haven’t been in here before, have you? “
“ I- I haven’t been in here a lot. “ Five replied in awe of the room, “ Aunt Y/n says she doesn’t let a lot of people in here. “ Artemis’ voice was soft and serene.
“ Yeah, it’s been a couple of months since I’ve been allowed in this room. “ He reminisced, “ Is this where you two talk? “
Artemis nodded, “ We talk a lot in here. This is where she works, and she shows me all her drafts. “
“ She works in here? “ Five queried, completely baffled, “ Mhm! You didn’t know? “ The young girl asked.
“ No, I- I didn’t know. “ He muttered, “ She’s not just an English teacher. She writes books in her spare time. “ Artemis smiled.
“ She does? “ Five spoke, “ Like how Vanya wrote her autobiography? “
“ Kind of. “ Artemis answered, “ She writes fiction novels. “
Five spun around the room, “ Can you show me? “
The young girl didn’t reply. Instead, she looked at Y/n’s desk sitting in the middle of the room. Under the rug laid a key which she picked up. Carefully she unlocked the bottom drawer on the left side of the desk, which held multiple different notebooks full of drafts and notes.
Artemis picked up a navy blue-bound notebook and handed it to him, “ This is her most recent stuff. “
Shocked and astonished at what his wife was hiding from him, he took the navy blue book. He took a spot on the rug sitting next to the open drawer while Artemis went back to reading on the couch. Her handwriting was elegant cursive that she taught herself how to do. The notebook was as messy as Five’s lesson plans for his college students. Nonetheless, he read on.
Life is a journey and full of different surprises. People from all around the world meet in the center for one leading cause. What occurs when tomorrow doesn’t happen? What is indeed on the other side? People tend to believe there’s an afterlife. Others think that it’s game over.
Brooklyn James takes a path into the unknown. A scared adolescent. She takes a brave step to find the answers for everyone. But at what cost? Prophecies advise and warn. People intrigued and fascinated.
When happens when both ends meet?
Five sat on the floor, entranced in her writing. He couldn’t believe his eyes. How has he never seen this before? How was she doing this without him noticing? Eventually, he closed the book and looked inside the drawer. Inside was an envelope with his name on it. Curiosity peaked, he took the envelope and opened it. Inside he found more writings, but all addressed to him. It even went back to the apocalypse.
It’s been about a month now. I was able to find some parchment and ink in an old book store. I can imagine they were selling for the aesthetic of old ways of writing. Thankfully I learned how to write with a quill, or perhaps this note would look like one big black blob. Five seems to be adjusting to me better. I’m scared of him. He’s terrifying.
We’re so different it hurts. He likes to express everything, and I don’t know how to feel about it. My entire life, I’ve been shut down to the point where talking feels like a fruitless effort. Maybe talking to him will help me. But I’m scared. What if he shuts me out as everyone else did.
This is so surreal. We’re stuck in an apocalyptic future—stupid healing powers. I wish I never healed myself sometimes. I didn’t know that after climbing out of my burnt house, this is what the world would look like. Five’s been a great help, though. Sometimes he takes my mind off things. At night he’ll ramble about the constellations, and I like learning about them.
Maybe he thinks I’m asleep or not listening because I don’t talk much, but I’ve learned a lot from him. He makes me want to be a teacher, step out of my comfort zone. I hope he becomes a teacher. He’d be a fantastic math professor.
He continued to read through until a voice made him jump, “ So, you’ve found my locked drawer. “
“ I- I didn’t- I didn’t mean- “ Five suddenly became a stuttering mess, “ I showed him. “ Artemis admitted.
Although Y/n wasn’t mad, Artemis cowered with her head, looking at the floor. Y/n’s voice never held anger, even when she was angry. Her voice was calming, soothing, and laced with honey. It was one of the reasons Five fell so in love with her.
“ Artemis, can you step out to the living room, please? “ She knelt before the girl giving her a tiny smile, “ You aren’t in trouble, my princess. I just want to talk to Five, okay? “
“ I’m- I'm sorry. “ The girl whimpered, and Y/n kissed her cheek gently, “ It’s okay, you aren’t in trouble. I’m not mad. I just need you to sit in the living room for a moment. “ Five stared in wonder at his wife comforting the tiny girl.
The young girl got the message and padded to the living room. Y/n stood up from her spot and stared at her guilty husband. His green eyes looked everywhere except for her e/c ones. He wanted her to yell or be angry with him, but she never was. No matter what, he couldn’t ever make her mad. Her patience were infinite.
“ I suppose you found what I’ve been working on. “ She stated, and Five nodded, “ And you saw my parchment from the apocalypse. “
“ I really didn’t mean to. “ He murmured, and she chuckled, “ You were going to have to find out sooner rather than later. “ Y/n replied.
Without warning, he was embraced. Her arms were wrapped around his torso while her head rested on his heart. The scent of her shampoo reached his nose, a glorious mix of honey and coconut he couldn’t ever get enough of. His arms gently wrapped themselves around her shorter frame while his chin perched on top of her head.
He kissed her hair gently, “ I didn’t mean to snoop. I’m sorry, love. “
“ Well, do you like it? “ She asked, “ Like what? “
“ My drafts, my room, my notes? “ Y/n listed, “ I love it because it’s who you are. “ Five replied softly.
He pulled away to meet her soft e/c eyes, “ This room is who you are as a person. If I had to describe you in one room, it’d be something along these lines. “
“ You aren’t mad I didn’t tell you? “ She whispered, and he shook his head, “ Never. We spent forty-five years together with no privacy because we didn’t have that. When you said you wanted this room to yourself, I didn’t hesitate to agree with you. “ His voice was soft like silk.
His green eyes glittered like gems, “ This is your private room, your safe place, and I shouldn’t be mad at you for wanting privacy. “
She kissed his cheek gratefully, “ Thank you. “
“ Anytime, darling. Anytime. “
#five hargreeves x y/n#five fluff#five fanfiction#five x y/n#five hargreeves fluff#five hargreeves x reader#five hargreeves#five x reader#number five x reader#number five#five hargreeves x you#tua#tua fanfic#tua au#tua x reader#tua five#the umbrella academy#the sparrow academy
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until dawn - ljn
part I | part II
⤑ summary: basic number one rule of the museum is not to touch the art. but no one told jeno that falling for one of them isn’t allowed either.
⤑ pairing: jeno x female reader
⤑ word count: 14k
⤑ genre: fluff, humor, angst | broke architecture major!jeno, historical figure!reader, college!au
⤑ warnings: jaemin mentions onlyfans as a joke, references to actual historical figures (some try to flirt with jeno lol) and literature, explicit language
⤑ author’s note: wow, i’ve had this idea for almost two years! this one was inspired by one of my favorite childhood movies, night at the museum. it definitely required a lot of research and brainstorming, and finally i brought it to life! it was so fun to play around with the characters, and even if majority of them are real people, this is all still fiction.
i also wanna mention one of my moots, marge for enlightening me about her life as an architecture major.
⤑ taglist: @renjunniehome (dm me if you want to be added)
⤑ leave me some feedback, constructive criticism or hellos!
Dormitory rent was another thing to worry about aside from the inflated university tuition per semester. Although he’s lucky to have his parents backing him up already on it, paying the monthly rent for his dorm was the remaining objective on Jeno’s list.
Plus, money for food. The man was a heavy eater, following the whole “gym is life” mantra.
Splitting it already with two of his dorm mates turned best friends, Renjun and Jaemin, his plate felt lighter. But the question still lies: where on earth was he going to get the money?
He’s practically checked out every available part-timing job in university and anywhere near campus. Barista at the same café Jaemin works at, teaching assistant for an art school for kids, convenience store cashier, library assistant, all taken in a heartbeat. The burden of his friends paying his debt these past months took a toll on him, almost to the point he almost considered making an Onlyfans.
“Yah, just find something else! Part-timers are in demand right now!” Renjun intensely closed his laptop before his older friend gets any suggestive thoughts.
“I mean, you didn’t work out your body to look the way it is for nothing.” Jaemin pitched otherwise, lifting the front back up. “When do you want to start filming? Loads of chicks would dig a piece of you!”
The contradicting opinions of his friends were like the devil and angel debating on his shoulders. Useless, he gave this worry a rest and returned to drawing new plates. A common thing when you’re an architecture major. Those deadlines were nearing. Looks like he’ll pull another all-nighter again.
Good thing most of his classes were late in the morning until 6 pm.
As if someone from above heard his petition, Jeno saw a help wanted sign posted on the bulletin board outside of the university museum. He initially went there to document some artwork and architecture models from Greek and Roman times, further analyzing how they’re still apparent in modern buildings.
The sign explained the need for one part-timer from any college to cover the night shift of the museum due to the current night guard’s full semester absence. He only had to come in 3x a week, choosing his days since he was still a student. Even the pay was above average, considering that most part-timers never go beyond midnight. Jeno would, on the other hand, always staying for his projects or gaming with the boys. Drinking sometimes during late-night Fridays with his entire college crew.
The pay would leave him a load of extra cash for himself, thus he sent an application to the museum office right before he left. A week later, while he was out with the boys, he got a text from the office that they wanted to meet him again for a final interview first thing on Monday.
Perhaps it was having architecture as his course and a healthy physique that landed him the part-timer position. Mainly, the latter because guards required strong endurance and fighting skills when worse comes to worst. It would start at 9 pm until 6 am the following day, and there was a designated uniform of it too. Blue blazer with matching trousers, white dress top, and loafers.
Aside from the typical museum etiquette the head director instructed him about, there was an unofficial list of tips written on paper given from the night guard on leave when the director handed you over his box of office-related things.
Only read at the night guard office once you’re the remaining staff left.
He did as he was told like an obedient son, flipping the succeeding page.
To my temporary replacement,
This part-timing job is nothing regular than the other jobs. You’ll witness things as you’ve never imagined them to be, almost like witchcraft. You’ll be lost and maybe frightened, or that’s how I felt the first time because no one led me through it all those years ago. Lucky for you, I made this small guide on how to properly take care of the place that the other staff doesn’t know about.
Before you proceed, I request you take a 5-minute stroll around the lobby first to understand what I’m talking about. After such, go back to the office or somewhere quiet then browse through the guide as quickly as you could.
Art is timeless here, so they need to be taken care of.
Good luck!
Park Sanghoon
Night Guard on Leave
Nothing could’ve prepared Jeno for what’s to come once he unlocked the office door. They say that art brings so much color to our life, allowing us to feel all sorts of emotions in a glimpse. But no one ever interpreted art to be literally alive and walking in the halls.
Behold, random wax figures and marble sculptures that he’s seen in the past roamed the hallways, as well as the paintings were interacting with each other side by side. Even the standee of a puppy from the entrance played fetch with one of those sculptures. He swore he looked like Hermes the messenger god from his arrow headpiece and sandals.
It made more sense why the guard on leave explained his feelings during the first day because it resembled Jeno’s. But unlike that guard, Jeno sucked it up. No one ever does well on the first day, even if others say otherwise. The first day was a learning experience, so he collected his thoughts even though the goosebumps triggered his body during that one rotation.
There was an indoor garden, already locked by the day guard earlier. The only room without any art piece, where students lounge to study the plants or relax in nature.
The sculptures section ahead, showcasing various fictional figures specifically from Greek mythology, chattered away about family drama and beliefs. The sculptures of Hades and Zeus, according to their title plate, argued relentlessly about power while Athena always intervened by shouting or even throwing arrows or daggers to any of the lightbulbs there.
That was one rule in the guide, but Jeno didn’t know yet until he came inside the room and swerved the attention of the arguing duo.
“Well, what do we have here?” Zeus, in the center, straightened his posture on his throne to present himself in a more regal way. “Are you perhaps the temporary replacement of Sir Sanghoon?”
“Sir Sanghoon’s stand-in is rather good looking, don’t you think?” Hera mused, stepping down from her throne beside Zeus to take a closer look at the taller male. Her cold fingers trailed his jaw until his chest, where his heart was beating intensely. She even pinched his toned bicep, mouthing wow.
“Truly handsome you are, my dear. So full of life, please introduce yourself to us.”
While Jeno introduced himself to everyone in that room, he answered any sorts of questions they had for him too. From his age, educational background, hobbies, Aphrodite just had to ask him if he had a girlfriend because he was that handsome.
“Nope, I’m single. With my degree in architecture, the requirements are so heavy I can’t even try dating.”
Mentioning his degree excited the gods, telling him how their people created and designed all these temples to house them and perform rituals. They loved it so much. This was a copy-paste of what Jeno learned from his history classes, and for a first, he’s hearing the perspective of the Greek gods.
Mind-boggling that he hasn’t fully freaked out yet. That’s what Athena anticipated when Sanghoon told her about his short leave, putting her in charge of everyone for the meantime while the replacement settled down.
The college museum was built during the late 70s as a gift from one of the alumni. It was for the purpose to preserve history and educate college students outside the classroom. The Greek mythology exhibit was the oldest one, making Athena have more seniority. Over her stay, she’s seen every new guard lose their senses during the first night. Some not even returning for a second night. She got used to every outcome, and so far, only 8 people lasted after the first night. A couple of students in the 70s and 80s, Sanghoon in the 90s, and now Jeno was one of them.
“Jeno, aren’t you terrified by us? You just got a job in a museum that comes to life every night, and it’s not a normal thing.”
“Well, I’m still shaken up about it. But it’s my first night, and it’s when I learn everything about the place from head to toe. Plus, I really need the money.”
“Money for what? But you’re young, a student even!”
“Yes, I am. However, I do pay for the rent in my dorm. So, this job is like my first big responsibility, and I want to perform well.”
Athena commended his sense of authority, capable of leading himself. She noticed how well-spoken and poised he is, respecting and listening to everything the gods and goddesses said even if they were nonsense. She never liked to compromise with her power, taking a while to like Sanghoon back in the day. Though Jeno looked like a natural leader on his first night. If he could take care of himself well, he’s skilled to take care of the rest in the museum as well.
Plus she had full control on the nights he won’t be there, especially the weekend.
With his potential, Athena mentored him the entire night about the gist of the entire museum. Every upcoming leader needs an intelligent mentor, right? She was naturally gifted with worthy leadership skills, managing Jeno like her own child.
Athena explained how the museum came to life, which was through a royal golden plate from the Oriental room. It was a gift from a popular sorceress in China to an affluent family from the Han dynasty, who wished them a long life after she was saved from invaders due to them. The plate preserved over time, becoming an artifact. Its power remained immortal, mutating to bring life wherever it goes. In this case, the museum since its arrival in the late 70s as well.
“That’s why the Oriental room must be locked always so no one could touch or break the plate.”
After she ordered Jeno to lock the mentioned room, alongside the Foreign Art Exhibit Room which he checked out for his class, she led him to the best view of the entire museum. Center of the second floor, where stairs were on both sides. Jeno marveled at the vivacious atmosphere, witnessing actual art living, breathing, and enjoying themselves.
“Unreal, right?” She leaned in the railing, scanning through the chatty paintings.
Jeno also leaned down, deep in thought and wonder. “Absolutely, Athena. How come no one knows about this? Art coming to life? It’ll invite more students to the museum.”
“That goes against a golden rule as a night guard in this museum.” She replied bluntly. “The life that goes on inside this museum at night must remain a secret to the public.”
Jeno predicted this kind of response, having watched too many films where anything supernatural mustn’t be revealed. Although he liked the advantage of knowing something this powerful, he’d never abuse it.
Athena’s intellect was beyond the world, seamlessly reading Jeno’s expression and what he was thinking. He had good intentions even if he’s a bit mischievous. She needed to keep a keen eye on him, but for now, he needed to explore on his own.
“Anyways, Sanghoon still left out some other details. So if you have any questions, I’ll be at my exhibit trying to shut my father and my uncle up again.”
“Can you not use any weapons to do so?”
“Can’t make any promises, Jeno.” She slyly cracked her knuckles and neck as if she was fighting another battle.
Jeno was silently left with himself, finally browsing through Sanghoon’s guide while seated in one of the museum benches.
It consisted of 25 rules, wherein the first two rules consisted of locking up. One, for the doors and gates of the museum, so no art piece could escape. If they do, they will turn into dust when the sun is out according to Athena. Two, locking the Oriental and Foreign Art Rooms, which was already done.
Rule #5: Let Mochi the puppy from the lobby tag along with you; feed him treats if you have any.
On cue, the little guy barked from the corridor and raced to his side. Jeno carried him, babying him for a little and letting him lick his face a few times before putting him back down. He’s surely going to the pet store first thing in the morning with the museum allowance the director gave him.
Since he was on the second floor, he read and followed the rules that fit in before returning downstairs. On the other side of the floor were the wax figures exhibitions: one for prominent men in history while the other for prominent women. Well, more people to get acquainted with.
It’s the exchange of gasps and profanities he received when he chose the latter room. Seeing their faces, these were women he’s learned in school and online. Now in the (fake) flesh. Except for one girl he’s never heard of, unbothered in her corner sketching her life away in a sketchpad. But before he could check who she was, a suggestive touch on his arm distracted him.
“My, oh my, Hera wasn’t lying when she said that the new night guard was a fine specimen.” By her dark blue eyeshadow and eyeliner with the snake-like crown, Cleopatra studied him like he was one of the most renowned art pieces. Even patting his chest, abdomen, and arms with both her hand, Jeno caught a suggestive glint in her eyes and a smirk across her red lips.
Rule #13: Reject Cleopatra’s seductive advances at all costs.
“Goodness, Cleopatra. It’s only his first night, and you’re scaring him.” With her accent, round eyes, and a chic formal outfit, she carried a posh aura while unhesitatingly scolding the Queen of the Nile.
“Come on now, Diana. He’s stunning, who wouldn’t go after him?” If no one knew her, you’re not reading up on your world history. She’s said to have been a lovely and intelligent woman, gone so soon. Jeno definitely understood why after she detached Cleopatra’s raging hands off him.
Rule #14: Treat Princess Diana and Hera like your own parent.
“Your highness.” Jeno nodded at her out of respect, only making her chuckle uncontrollably.
“No need to address me like that, love. Now, come here.” She widened her arms for Jeno, hugging him amiably. He sensed her motherly warmth, accepting such a gesture. “You remind me so much of my youngest son, Harry. Welcome to the night shift of the museum, love.”
Similar to the Greek mythology exhibit, he introduced himself and responded to any questions that the women wax figures may have. Good for him, they weren’t crossing any borders and kept him at ease.
“A student like you working at night to pay rent?” Katherine Johnson, an African-American NASA mathematician whose calculations led to the success of a lot of famous spaceflights, cannot believe her ears. Students must only focus on school, nothing else. “What about your studies, boy?”
Rule #15: Engage in academic discussions with Katherine Johnson whenever you can.
“Most of my classes are in the afternoon, Miss Katherine. So I’ll sleep in the entire morning later and study during my breaks.”
“Mr. Jeno, what do you like to do outside of work?” Anne Frank, a German-Dutch teenager whose revolutionary diary that documented her life in hiding from the Nazis gained popularity worldwide after publication dreamily asked from her section of the exhibit. Her life was robbed of greatness merely because of her religion and war.
Rule #16: Bring delicious food or gifts to Anne Frank.
“Well, I like to bike with my friends, exercise, and draw whatever comes into mind!”
Everyone he’s met so far acquired pleasure in knowing about who he was and his passion for architecture, ridding the “freaking out” phase Athena assumed he had. Yet not everyone in this exhibit bothered to give him a shot.
Jeno’s attention from Anne talking about her crush towards Peter van Daan, a teenage boy who lived with her, switched to the section beside her, where an unacquainted figure was zealously sketching as if something was due to the following day. It reflected how he’d look when he’s cramming one of his plates due to first thing in the morning. While he properly excused himself, he quietly gazed at the way this woman scrunched her eyebrows when she erased something then drew it again. She was someone he’s never seen or heard before, reading the information plate in front of him about her.
(Y/N) (Y/L/N), Explorer and Author. (1854-1900)
Wealthy women in the Victorian Era only served one purpose in society: marry a man from a prestigious family, have his children and join whatever interests they have. However, for (Y/N), she wasn’t going to conform to those standards.
Born into the affluent house of (Y/L/N), she was the youngest of 8 children. She was said to be the kindest and sweetest sibling out of everyone, not capable of hurting anyone or anything. She said it herself that she can’t throw away a dying flower because it’s too painful. While 5 of her older brothers were sent to school, she stayed at home with her 2 older sisters Cecilia and Amelia where she learned how to play the piano and take voice lessons from impressive teachers. Due to the huge age gaps between them (12 and 8 respectively), she never felt close with them. She was only closest to the 6th and 7th siblings, her twin brothers Benjamin and Liam whom she only had a 2-year gap. She was also best friends with one of the scullery maids her age, Lily, because she found her amusing that than the boring rich girls her mother forced to interact with.
The moment it bothered her that she wanted to live a more meaningful life was when Amelia got married. She was 12 years old at the time, and it left her as the last unwed daughter in the family. Badly did she want to revolt, which she gradually did. Instead of practicing piano, she’d sneak in to read every book in her father’s office. She secretly studied the notes of her older brothers from school and even dressed as a boy numerously thanks to Benjamin and Liam to join their classes or field trips.
This was her routine up until the age of 18 when she stomped her foot down and expressed to her parents that she wasn’t going to let Victorian society dictate her. The night before her parents were bound to send her to her great aunt’s home down South to sort her out, she successfully snuck out her house thanks to Lily, Benjamin, and Liam. It’s another good thing that she saved a lot of money for that moment.
Off she went across Europe first, then sailed to America and even parts of Asia. Initially under the name Lilibe, coined from picking the first two letters of her brothers and best friend, she documented her days and nights through her journals and sketches. Over time, she sent them to her brothers for publication. It started the franchise, “The Adventures of the Young and Free Lilibe”. There are 10 books under it.
She learned French, Spanish, Mandarin, Japanese, and Korean by herself as she made friends from those places. It was rare of someone like her to be fluent in Oriental languages, surprising locals every time she spoke to them. She was the only explorer to vividly describe life in different Asian lands in English, talking about their history and culture. With her accurate drawings of diverse citizens and their daily lives, it educated a lot of those living back home in Europe about them rather than speaking lowly of them.
In Seoul did she stayed the longest until her death from pneumonia at the young age of 46.
In her posthumous work, Finding Me, did she reveal her real identity, dedicating it to her parents whom she apologized and expressed her love for them despite everything that occurred between them. She talked about the last years of her life in Seoul, how locals were so nice and inviting to her, and how she adopted kids instead of having her own through the years.
“It’s not because I never found love in men. It’s more like I found love in doing things I’m passionate about. Traveling, learning new cultures, it outweighed the human need of romance.”
Due to her thrill in taking risks and embarking on wondrous adventures, it brought inspiration to a lot of young girls pressured to marry at that time to pursue what they really want.
A remarkable background you had, Jeno contemplated. How come no one discussed her in his classes?
You kept brushing the bangs of your hair back as it fell repeatedly. But you got irritated instantly because it sabotaged your drive, you brought out a hairpin from her desk and attached it on both sides. But when you shifted your angle of focus, the corner of your eye locked with Jeno’s attentive gaze.
He didn’t flinch, even he should’ve. He wasn’t one to linger his look on anyone’s physical appearances, but your story and the passion on your face as you sketched mesmerized him. He was charmed, to say the least.
“Uhm, hello there?” You broke the silence due to your uneasiness about it. What’s his deal?
Jeno bowed, reintroducing himself to you. As soon as his presence settled in the room when Cleopatra attempted to hit on him, you could’ve cared less. Though this man was a first for you, a first in a long time as all guards would feel intimidated by you during the first night. Even your sharp tongue didn’t faze him. “Staring is rude, sir. Didn’t your mother teach you manners?”
“She did,” He wandered through the exterior of your section, by the fence that separated you and him. Not breaking eye contact, his eyes turned into moon crescents as he smirked with trouble. “Though she also told me to appreciate the art too.”
Snorts noisily exhaled from Cleopatra, who took the center section of the exhibit, succeeded by Princess Diana’s whispered gasps and Katherine’s side-eyeing Anne beside her while she taught her math. That was an odd way a guard conversed with you, but Jeno was merely doing what the rules stated. Partly, he was impressed with his cheesy pick-up line, partly embarrassed because he’s never spoken like this to anyone.
Rule #17: Act playfully around (Y/N) (Y/L/N) to break the tension; she’s a harsh one.
There was irony between the information he read about your life versus the wax model. Even when you faced sexism and ran away according to your history, never were you impolite to anyone in your life. You couldn’t even kill a lurking fly when it roams around your food! It showed Jeno a possibility that as much as you’re just a wax version of someone famous in the past, maybe the external environment around you had a heavy influence too.
“You fool!” His confidence exasperated you, urging you to persistently throw balls of paper with your failed sketches at him. No one dared to talk to you like that, most especially a night guard. “Take that for your comment!”
If you thought he’d scram away and act repentant, you were proven wrong. His reflexes were parallel to a spider, capturing every single paper ball without fail. Up and down his body went, one arm held on to them and no more were left on your part. Never a single defeat during the first meeting in years, but that seemed to alter now.
“Give up already, Ms. (Y/L/N)?” Jeno remarked vibrantly as he discarded your mess in the trash bin behind him. If he managed to get everyone to like him tonight, he wanted to make sure to have you onboard too.
Whatever agenda he had, you weren’t up for it. You’d treat him the same way you usually treated Sanghoon for the past 20 something years: cold and ignorant. From your stool, you left your comfortable position to come face to face with this man. He better be grateful for that barrier in between you, or else you would’ve caused mayhem.
“Never in your wildest dreams, Mr. Lee.” Your mouth gave a half-smile, clenching on the bars to liberate your annoyance. Before you could fend back, that’s when Princess Diana intervened between your heated dialogue.
“Oh heavens, children!” She stood by the barrier, mostly to protect the newbie Jeno with her body. “(Y/N), he just wanted to know you. Must you be so cross?”
This Princess Diana embodied all the traits the real one had: soft-spoken, intelligent, and protective. She’s gotten so used to your gradual temper, staying on standby whenever anyone tried to mess with you. Even if it was harmless, you could get so mean!
“Diana, he was mocking me! Saying such a sleazy phrase as if to amuse me, ha! Not a chance, I hate people like that.”
“Not us women though; you just despise men in general.”
“And you’re absolutely right!” With a smug smile, you greedily rejoiced. “Anyways, escort this disgrace out. I’m not in the mood to get angry when I have a lot of inspiration on mind right now.”
While you resumed your sketching to let go of that extra steam, Jeno was left with Diana who apologized on your behalf. Your pride was too high to do that, and as the motherly figure among them, she always took care of things in your exhibit.
“I’m so sorry for that, Jeno. She’s not really like this, but I know how much you tried your best. It was quite a fresh spectacle honestly.”
Whatever was responsible for your abrasiveness, Jeno yearned to know. He couldn’t understand who you were yet even knowing your life story. All he wanted was to get along with everyone. It was the key to successfully maintain his job for the next 6 months.
“How can I make her come around then?”
A demanding question that no one had a solid answer to. Diana recalled how much Sanghoon didn’t let your dislike for him get to him, maintaining a respectful boundary in between each other after his past attempts. Though with Jeno, observing how he riled you up and your focus entirely on him, she hasn’t seen anything like it since the 80s.
There was something in Jeno that may just get you to warm up and return to your kind nature.
“Aside from acting playful, as Sanghoon recommended, I can think of two ways, love.” By the doors of her exhibit, where Jeno was already waltzing the corridor to visit other rooms, she suggested smartly. “One, argue back to her opinions. She hates whenever anyone tries to get her way, but boy, you’re just as wise as her. No one was brave enough to peeve on her until you came.”
“How about the second way?”
“Do your research, love. Aside from libraries, you have those small technology devices that allow you to search up anything.” She tousled Jeno’s brown locks as if it were her actual son’s. Some habits just don’t die when you do.
“Brush up on your history, Jeno. Not only will it help you with (Y/N), but it’ll serve purposefully with the other art pieces here.”
Boy, he was ready to crash in his bed for a few hours after all those interactions. His introverted nature required to be revitalized.
Towards the last hours of his shift, the art pieces who’ve strolled in the first floor lessened his plate by not leaving any major clutter behind. As if she listened to him, Athena didn’t break any lightbulbs too.
His main highlight would be meeting the men of the historical male section, who flaunted a more humorous ambiance. Freddie Mercury from Queen insisted he drink a glass of his wine and to bring more wine next time, which he denied since it would against Sanghoon’s rules. King Sejong the Great and Martin Luther King Jr. argued back and forth over the most random things (pineapple on pizza specifically), while Steve Jobs mediated whenever one crossed the line. Meanwhile, William Shakespeare was too preoccupied in his writing and speaking to himself about his books, wondering how to improve them.
During one of his breaks today, he multitasked drawing a new plate with his research on every art piece to know them better. He started with the exhibit of sculptures of the Greek gods and goddesses, which were Zeus, Hera, Hades, Athena, Hermes, Aphrodite, Poseidon, Artemis, Dionysus, and Circe. They weren’t the complete roster because the rest were in other museums across the globe, as said by Athena before sunrise. The majority of them he knew what they were in charge of, but the rest were foggy to his knowledge. Typing away and jotting notes down, he started downloading his favorite jazz songs too.
Rule # 4: Play jazz music to the paintings on the first floor so they can relax and dance within their frames.
Circe is a minor goddess, the daughter of the sun god Helios. She’s recognized for her versatility in incantations and herbs, capable of transforming people into animals. From Jeno’s perspective, she’s mostly within her space with her journals and magic wand, trying new spells or combinations of herbs. For the latter, he had to keep a closer eye on.
Rule #9: Don’t let Circe, god of potions, into the Oriental Room to get plants and herbs.
He discovered that Dionysus is the god of wine, happiness, and theatre. That’s why every god in the exhibit had full wine glasses during their gathering. It also added up why Freddie Mercury always comes to him when his bottles run empty, though he mustn’t go overboard.
Rule #18: Make sure Freddie Mercury doesn’t get too drunk from the wine of Dionysus; he might make numerous scenes if he does.
After his lone studying session, he took a short trip to the pet and convenience stores to buy food. He got a dumbfounded look from Jaemin back in the dorm room, who was studying for one of his quizzes in Biology in a couple of hours.
“Woah what’s with this stash? Is it for yourself or something?”
“The museum surprisingly has a lot of tasks needed to be done at night. And no, not from my wallet but the allowance they gave me before you get a heart attack.” Jeno plopped on his solo bed, covering his face with a pillow.
“Thank God.” A relaxed sigh escaped Jaemin’s lips, taking back his balled-up fists meant for his roommate. “I think I would’ve stormed that boring museum if they made your broke ass spend a cent.”
“Boring?” Jeno removed the cushion hastily, eyeing his busy and coffee-high roommate. The scent of black coffee from his mug spread in the room, assuming that this upcoming test was testing his roommate’s patience again.
Not even trying to look at Jeno while reviewing his handwritten notes, Jaemin continued giving his opinion. “Museum culture is dead, Jeno. Not everyone has the time to roam around one, plus people can always look up the artifacts online these days.”
People were entitled to their own opinions on numerous things, though Jeno begged to differ with his roommate’s. Especially after witnessing the magic of the night shift, you shouldn’t merely judge a book by its cover. In this case, you shouldn’t judge an artwork or art piece merely on its history and legacy.
Maybe because his roommate was in the science department, he thought this way. A lot of art students regularly visit the museum both for fun and for their classes, and Jeno was one of them. Though he was too sleepy to explain his side, he let it slide for now and snoozed throughout the late afternoon.
An hour before the start of his shift, Jeno promenaded the emptying museum to inspect anything else he might’ve missed out on from last night. There were two areas according to his rotation, both in the first floor.
One was the Diorama Room. Divided into 4 sections, highlighting some of the well-known ancient civilizations in world history. Ancient Egypt and Ancient China to your left, Ancient Rome and Ancient Maya to your right. They acted as if they were the actual people during those times, giving Jeno a laugh when they cracked jokes in between. Such tiny figures, yet the rule for them said otherwise.
Rule # 7: The small figurines in the Diorama Room are feisty, so make sure they don’t fight with one another again.
The remaining room left was the Theater Room. He’s never been here, though his art friends have for film festivals held by the university.
The interior of it was set to look like an actual cinema place you’d see in a mall. There was a mini lobby with a few posters of iconic films over the years. Singin’ in the Rain, Back to the Future, Titanic, those were some framed and hung on the wall. There were two other doors there: one leading to the chairs and the other where the movie projector was. The latter room was pretty riveting, wherein you can choose to watch old short films through an 88mm film projector or switch to a cd player for the newer releases.
Back to those posters, they weren’t an exception to the magic and a simple rule was left for Jeno to do.
Rule # 10: Chatter with the movie posters in the lobby of the Theater Room; they love meeting new faces.
Since there wasn’t anyone checking out the Art Rooms on the second floor, he closed them. Though as he was about to lock the Oriental Room, the ravishing plants around the royal plant appealed his interest. Said to hold magical properties from his research, Jeno was reminded of another rule to keep in mind for later.
Rule # 3: The fake flowers in the Oriental Room come to life too at night, so when no one is lurking, water it diligently.
Instead of lounging at Sanghoon’s office first, he brought his important items to the front desk of the lobby and continued sketching his plate. He wanted to watch the art come back alive with his two eyes. Usually, he’d have coffee when he does his work, but due to another crucial rule in the guide, he’d rather not take the risk.
Rule # 6: The lobby room can get rowdy, so keep any drinks away from important items.
On the dot, the cries and yawns from the art pieces around him reverberated. Closing his sketchpad, his night guard mode was on. Connecting his laptop on the aux cord of the museum speakers, he tapped play on his playlist of jazz music that’ll last for the entire shift duration. As the first notes flooded the entire vicinity, sounds of joy left the lips of each painting. Some were humming, dancing, and even singing along.
“You can never go wrong with Frank Sinatra!”
“This Jeno lad really did the heavens’ work quick!”
Having the sense of accomplishment on his sleeve, the small barks of his fluffy pal reached closer to him. As he kneeled to find him, he was only taken by surprise as Mochi excitedly jumped on him. Tumbling over, Jeno chuckled innocently as Mochi licked his face numerously. This puppy was friendly, easily liking everyone at first sight. He wasn’t as choosy like Daegal, the puppy of his friend Chenle studying Business Management.
Once he composed himself and cradling the dog like his own, he fed him a dog treat from the desk.
“Good boy, Mochi!” He rubbed his fur while the puppy happily munched on it, ready to fulfill more of his duties.
He skipped the Greek mythology exhibit since Athena was doing a good job not letting anyone go overboard with their powers, though he’ll check in again in a few hours. He met the posters of the theater room, who were celebrities he grew up watching on tv. Sanghoon was right; they were the kinder group in the entire museum because they were more laidback.
On to the second floor, all the female wax figures lounged by the male section due to another lecture from Shakespeare. Although the guide informed him that most of the time it could get boring, this lecture was more stimulating. On his platform, he elaborated with conviction the lines of one of his famous books, Romeo and Juliet. A must-read book back in his high school days, there’s no way Jeno could’ve missed that out.
From the looks of it, Jeno perceived that Shakespeare was performing spoken word poetry due to him reading only Romeo’s lines while Cleopatra read Juliet’s beside him. This kind of show was one of the sources of entertainment to these figures, so Jeno leaned by the side of the door to listen. After all, the famous author of it was a few feet away. Cleopatra channeled such a naïve character to her ability, absentmindedly saying as she clutched her chest.
“O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, And I'll no longer be a Capulet.”
“Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?”
“'Tis but thy name that is my enemy; Thou art thyself, though not a Montague. What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor face, nor any other part belonging to a man. O, be some other name! What's in a name? That which we call a rose-”
The flow of an engaged Cleopatra was abrupted by the loud yell from Shakespeare in front, specifically to an amused Jeno. “Jeno, my boy! Welcome back!”
Such an announcement diverted everyone’s attention to the back, some running to Jeno to give their respective greetings. It’s rare for everyone to feel at ease with a new guard, taking them weeks to approach them due to the intimidation. Though Jeno’s bright presence felt welcoming, so they accepted it. Perhaps it’s because of his youth, it reminded them of theirs too.
Shakespeare highly requested (or forced) Jeno to take his part as Romeo, intrigued to watch someone younger read his lines. Since most of the male wax figures were aged, it never satisfied Shakespeare so he jumped on this opportunity as quickly as he could. With the roaring cheers from the other figures, Jeno might as well give it a try. It wasn’t like his friends were here to clown him like they usually would if he did something humiliating.
Jeno shockingly liked this activity as he wasn’t much of a performer on stage, but someone who does the behind-the-scenes of it. He realized as he read the lines from the book Shakespeare asked him to follow along with why people held university-wide spoken word shows a few times per semester. He was no actor, but it’s delightful to have tried it at least once in his life.
“O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?” As if the edge of the platform was the balcony of Juliet (or Cleopatra rather), he knelt as he ardently spoke his lines. He’s emphasizing this rush of uncontrollable desire for her, rambling whatever he would do to get the girl.
“What satisfaction canst thou have tonight?” Cleopatra questioned from her chair, inching closer to the young boy. Even outside character will she attempt to charm Jeno, but Jeno was quick to catch it and kept his distance.
“The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.”
“I gave thee mine before thou didst request it, and yet I would it were to give again.”
“Wouldst thou withdraw it? For what purpose, love?”
“But to be frank, and give it thee again. And yet I wish but for the thing I have. My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep. The more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.”
Everyone was condensed by their top-notch acting, as if this was the actual play unfolding before them. Jeno wasn’t so sure how he got himself in character without preparation, yet he felt what his character felt. He comprehended the material a lot better now than when he was still in high school.
However, there was always that one killjoy to ruin the heartfelt mood.
“How dumb is it to say that you’re in love after the first glance?” You opposed, putting the spotlight on you. This book was said to be a classic in literature, but as you matured physically and mentally, you could no longer agree with it. “Isn’t love the same thing that killed Romeo and Juliet in the end?”
Remembering what Princess Diana told him, he wasn’t going to let this pass. He wanted to give a piece of his mind too, caring less if the show must be paused. “Love is an emotion we don’t ask to feel. It’ll come to us when we least expect it, even when the timing of it can be crucial.”
“Of all the people Juliet could’ve gone for, it just had to be the enemy.” In all the years you’ve been brought to life, no one dared to test your opinions because they were aware of your intelligence, from the streets to the books. When someone bark, you’d bite back. Hard. “With all due respect, I love your works, Shakespeare. Yet the fate you’ve given these two at a young age was grave, could’ve you given them a better outcome or another character to love instead?”
“Giving them extra characters to love won’t address the horrific life fact that love can be dangerous. Regardless of what status you’re in, you can’t stop the attraction towards someone. The heart wants what it wants.” Jeno pressed his hand to his chest, pumping it a bit. Unknown to you and him, the audience found more entertainment in your argument. Anne, who was munching on the popcorn Jeno gave her earlier, passed the snack to Katherine who just couldn’t stop watching.
If this man wanted a challenge, you’re all ears. Who was he to compete with you? Was he not intelligent to know who you are?
“So are you insinuating that we just go with the flow? Be a slave to our emotions too and let them dictate our next motives?”
“Slave is such a strong word to use, (Y/N). But it’s not like we can’t choose who want to love because we actually can. In this case, Romeo chose Juliet and vice versa.”
“But what happens if the person you choose doesn’t choose you in return?”
“At least you tried your best, right? It’ll hurt like hell though, but it won’t last forever.” From his kneeling position, Jeno strutted his way with confidence. Trying not to let it mess with you, your extreme stare at him as if they’ll shoot lasers. Inches away from you, Jeno declared. “Love always has risks, that’s a given. Romeo and Juliet still tried and followed their hearts despite the downfall. But it was a needed downfall to get the message across.”
“No one would be that foolish to risk their lives for love though, right? Life is so precious, why would they do such a thing?”
“Even if they knew what their lives were without each other, they still preferred living a life where they were both in the picture. Therefore, they tried all they could that time because the regret of not doing anything at all carries a heavier burden.”
Whenever anyone argued with you, their debating points they spat back would further piss you off because most of the time, it never made sense. Back when this rude man told you to go home and be a wife in your earlier years of exploring, you civilly told him to fuck off, kicking his balls because he cornered you in an alley. For the first time, a man who tried to challenge you actually made sense. Was it because he lived in a modern time, where minds were more open? Because of the amount of sexism you faced in the past, you’ve turned a blind eye to the current period.
But your high pride maintained, not submitting into anything he said. “I still think it’s stupid to risk your life for love. There’s no such thing as having only one true love anyways, and you have to be alive to see it.”
“Fair point, but again, the feeling of regret and carrying it your entire life doesn’t fade easily. It’ll make you reflect on the what-ifs, and it’s heart-wrenching.” Jeno digressed, walking around you in circles. He’s intentionally trying to drive you mad, but he could care less. He wanted someone to put you in your place and open your mindset. “The question stands: would you rather try and go for it even knowing its risks or regret not even trying for the rest of your existence? Quite ironic for me to ask you that, don’t you think?”
Past the information board, Jeno researched more of your life history online. Your whole life was grounded on risks, from breaking the standards of your society, leaving your family and home country, to fending yourself from disrespectful men. Rather than living the original life expected from you, you chose not to because it didn’t make you happy. Such a risktaker he knew you are, but with the topic of love, he wondered why you were on a fence with it. Though some records stated you’ve had rendezvouses with a few men in your journeys, love was never in the equation. The single life was what you chose and you were more than satisfied, plus your adopted kids filled that supposed void anyways.
This man may have studied your history, but so much he still doesn’t know. Information that never made the books because you chose not to write or tell anyone about it. Aside from the discomfort growing in your chest, everyone else felt the awkward tension when you were lost for words.
Never been defeated in an argument, until tonight. Your mind lost its drive and willpower.
“Touché, Lee Jeno.” Indeed, his name you’re acquainted with. Numerously passed around in your exhibit, mostly from the lips of Cleopatra, who’d fantasize all the graphic things she would do to him. Too much information, least of your interest. “Please excuse me. I’d like to work on my sketches to ease my mind.”
As you quietly exited the room, an all too familiar sculpture leaned against the railings overseeing one side of the museum. Just like you, she hated accepting defeat or compromises. She always rooted for you to win. With a faint chuckle, “Facing a loss for the first time, I see.”
“Don’t even lecture me about it, Athena. I’m still fired up, and I need to relax.”
“Jeno is a different breed, isn’t he?” She stuck to your side, strolling wherever your feet led you.
“Different as in he’s a man? Yes. What else is there to it?”
“Men these days aren’t as trashy as those back in the day though. Shouldn’t you give him a chance?”
“Last time I did, it destroyed my heart. I’m not allowing myself to let men in even as a friend, Athena.”
She knew exactly what you were referring to, not touching on it further. No way will you let heartbreak or disappointment from men bother you. Even Sanghoon’s sweet company took a while to tolerate. You really needed to sketch this out on your pad right now, excusing yourself from Athena’s presence. Isolation wasn’t new to you; it’s what’s protecting your entire being. Immortal as you are, you had to recover from the past pain so the next decades won’t feel as brash.
You hoped to return to your old self when you were a fresh new figure in the 70s. So naïve, only proud of your accomplishments, and purely happy.
While Jeno continued to finish his scene in respect to Shakespeare, he received a standing ovation for his mini-show. Cleopatra didn’t expect such talent from him, growing fonder of the younger male. Whether she seduces him or not, he was never afraid to try new things and she liked that about him.
“Bravo, love!” Princess Diana praised, clapping at him.
Although Jeno appreciated all this positive attention, his thoughts bounced back to your and your stance on love. The debate earlier was just out of being playful, interested to hear your opinions. Though, he’s worried that he might’ve offended you. It may have been time to finally witness something like that, but then again, he was sure he touched something personal to you. No matter how you tried to fight it off, your eyes can’t lie. Staring down at him, there was pain beneath it. Your eyebrows scrunched to the center, thinking deeply yet remained utterly speechless.
A win he didn’t feel good about.
“It’s time she encountered something new in the years she’s been here. Give her some space tonight, then try again to reach out to her. Kindly this time; I’m not in the mood for another brawl that could end up like the Greek gods’ past fights downstairs.”
These clever words shared by Katherine loitered his mind for the rest of the night, eventually going back to finishing his current plate since everyone was behaving well. As great it is to get the approval of the majority, he tried brainstorming ways to make you like him too.
He understood the whole “men are trash” concept in today’s modern society, but if he could prove it wrong to at least one person, it would be you. Whatever is holding you back, he only hoped that you’d let it go. Questionably unsure as to why he was so persevering, he concluded that it was so he could perform his job better as the night guard. Set higher standards than Sanghoon even.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Weeks passed, and his attempts continued to be unsuccessful.
The capability for you to ignore his efforts remained strong, whether he was pestering you over small things or debating with you again about anything. Life, books, morals, the two of you always head butt each other. Anything good he did, you searched for a flaw in it. Whatever acts he’s tried and continued trying, not one flinch from you ever.
Even if that’s his state with you, his job no longer felt stressful nor strenuous. He’d try to sleep more on days he was off-duty. Although the fatigue of staying beyond his usual sleeping time was inevitable, he compromised to take a nap lasting an hour or two when the art pieces weren’t acting frisky.
Plus, there have been multiple times they adapted to any alterations so his physical well-being wouldn’t fall sick. Per order of Princess Diana and Hera, who by instinct became his motherly figures here, only wanting what’s best for the kids.
He became accustomed to everything that went on at night, discovering things on his own without Sanghoon’s guide. Anne talked about how much she missed biking in her neighborhood, so one night, Jeno snuck his bike inside and let her use it around the first floor. With proper monitoring so none of the paintings would be unbothered or pieces wouldn’t tumble.
Hermes the messenger god was fluent in every language possible, so every so often, Jeno would freely speak to him in Korean because sometimes he felt he could explode by the amount of English he used every night. Bilingual things, you know. He knew you were multilingual too, but for obvious reasons, he couldn’t converse with you.
Because Jeno was heavily favored, that should’ve been enough to push through his night shifts before the end of the semester. In addition to that, the hourly rate was above the average of whatever Jaemin or Renjun was earning. For the past 2 months, Jeno paid upfront first, even paying back all his debts. It almost made Renjun want to switch jobs with him.
“Trust me, Renjun. You don’t want it, being the lowkey scaredy cat you are.”
Work no longer felt like work, and that’s what everyone aspired to feel. Nevertheless, he tended to worry over you mid-shift, glancing at you from his side view. Sketching, reading, and writing were your default actions. No matter how many times he said to himself not to let your dislike for him affect him, it’d always backfire.
Why were you so cold?
What made you lose your fire from all the research he did about your lively personality?
When morning arrived and he gathered his stuff, you’d be the last thing he’ll check on. Frozen in your standing pose, smiling as you held a book and a pencil, he detected how fake it was. Bystanders would only assume your happiness was from your achievements, though Jeno’s gut firmly pried that something grand overpowered that happiness. And definitely, not in a good way.
Out of all the art pieces, he investigated on you the most. Skimming through every material in the library, endless searching on the net, even asking professors from the History department thanks to Renjun, he did whatever he could. People may already think he was obsessed with who you are, but only little did they know.
Another plate was done and submitted, and he promised himself to look you up one last time before surrendering. For someone who’s rarely given up on a challenge, this one was really out of his control. Maybe he should follow Sanghoon’s footsteps now.
You lived centuries before him, and there’s limited material of you left. Rather than learning of your adventures again, he dug through what things you liked over your life. Maybe by giving one of them, it’ll lessen the tension from a 100 to 99. Maybe you preferred gifts over words, he’ll never know until he tried.
Boom.
According to one of your journal entries, there’s a fond liking you’ve acquired for lavender roses from Benjamin and Liam when they visited you in Paris in secret because of how much you missed them. It went both ways, praying your family ties could be recovered.
It’s a good thing he needed to refill his stock of items for the art pieces so he could pass by the flower store a few blocks away from his dorm. That night, without further words, he graciously offered you a fresh lavender rose in between your new sketching session.
“I may not know exactly why you’re spiritless around me, but with this rose, I hope we could work something out.”
Your frigid face of disdain, keeping your chin high and squinting your eyes with judgment, began to crumble down. Of all things as a peace offering, he gave you that? Then again, it’s not like he knew that an item you liked so much became something you’ve grown to hate and why so. No history books could teach him that.
Vulnerability was a normal thing, yet feared by many. Once one uncovered your weak spot, they could harm you. You still couldn’t trust Jeno fully, not willing to show your helplessness nor were you ever going to tell him. Hidden from his knowledge, everyone else including Sanghoon were familiarized as to why this kind of flower tormented you.
You sprinted like thunder out the exhibit room to wherever it’s private to control your senses. You may not have a physical heart, but your emotions were just as actual as a human’s. You needed to regulate your panting breath. In the past decades, you’ve not shed a singular tear but the cycle broke when they streamed out your miserable eyes like a flowing river. Quiet sobs, an empty corner near the fire exit was where your wobbly legs faltered, the painful memories of the past replayed in your head. Once beautiful, but now an agonizing reminder of what could’ve been.
Katherine, Cleopatra, and Anne were swift on their feet to hunt you down, anxious of what you may do next. Seeing or the mention of these flowers still affected you despairingly. Sanghoon must’ve forgotten to write them down, or perhaps he didn’t know either about this fact during all the years he’s worked there.
It’s one of the biggest secrets of his museum. By the clueless face Jeno had with his eyebrows raised, mouth, and small eyes slightly open, he repeatedly asked what he did wrong and adding that he never meant to harm you. Indeed, they knew that yet what occurred involved a secret in the list of museum secrets. Confidential only between art pieces according to Athena, none of the male wax figures spoke a word, only pitying the boy.
“I wasn’t here yet that time, but they said that it was once beautiful, but now it’s a rough period.” With hesitation, Princess Diana chose to reveal it to rid Jeno’s misery. She didn’t mind having to argue about it with Athena later on, as this may further affect the two of you later on.
“A long time ago in the early ‘80s, there was a night guard around your age named Junmyeon. Also, a college student, trying to make ends meet. He did it for 3 years until he graduated. Though within his stay, not only was he such a delight to everyone, he broke a golden rule in the guide. I believe you do know the guide much more now, Jeno?”
“Yes, I do, Princess Diana. Memorized it even, but which one specifically?” Jeno’s desperate eyes pleaded, only hoping for the best and to fix what he messed up.
“You can form friendships with the art pieces, but nothing more.” Princess Diana replied bitterly. “Junmyeon was an aspiring painter, a different path from his business-oriented family. He was seen as the black sheep. She resonated with him, sharing the burden and lifting it by doing whatever fun they could in the museum. In time, they both fell in love with each other; they were each other’s first loves.”
“Why must something beautiful like love be broken? It’s not like you can control it. That golden rule makes no sense.”
“It does, unfortunately. Wax figures like me cannot age, while humans like you can. None of them could accept the reality, always pushing it away. Until Junmyeon’s last week in university, he broke it off with her unexpectedly. From there, (Y/N) was heartbroken for decades. With heartbreak, giving the cold shoulder and bitterness followed. Then with the lavender rose you gave that she used to love became a flower that she associated with Junmyeon too because he gave her one almost every night for those past 3 years.”
Things finally added up, and the guilt in Jeno’s gut expanded. His major lightbulb moment was a major failure.
“Has Junmyeon ever returned to try and win her back?”
“Well, there was one time he did come back for an art exhibition for his paintings in the 2000s. I was already here, then he had a woman around his shoulder with an adolescent boy holding his hand. He roamed around our exhibit and kept gawking at (Y/N). We may be asleep, but we remember the conversations exchanged in the room. So, his son then asked him if he knew who she was.”
“What did he respond?” Jeno attentively listened, on the edge of such a hurtful tale.
“He knew her name, praising her for historical achievements. However, nothing as a former friend or lover. From what I predict, he ingested one of Circe’s potions.”
“But I thought Circe isn’t allowed to make potions for actual consumption. She’s not even allowed to enter the Oriental Art Room.” Jeno pointed out, overwhelmed at the puzzling past. Princess Diana was mindful that she had to stop spreading too much information, so she had to end her discussion with the lost boy.
“There are a lot of secrets about this museum, Jeno. Unfortunately, I cannot reveal to you to protect our peace.”
With due respect, Jeno quit his follow-up questions and concerns. The only thing he wished to do was mend his relationship with you. As vague as to where you even stood in the first place, he unintentionally crossed a line due to his selfish intention to befriend you.
“What can I do now, Princess Diana? You know I’d never push her buttons like that, even if I’m a whimsical person.”
“Oh, my boy.” Princess Diana soothed, holding both her hand on his sweaty palm and cupping his cheek. “For the meantime, give her space. No taunting for a while, and just observe her from a distance. Though do not fret the slightest; I’m sure she’ll be okay again.”
During that interval, you were hunched on the wall, bawling and weeping like the wound was brand new again. While Katherine and Anne stood by your side, on the lookout for anyone who’d be spying on you, Cleopatra knelt in front of you as your infinite tears gushed down.
“My dear,” She tried to wipe some of them while holding your hand. “It’s been years, and Jeno didn’t know a single thing. He didn’t mean to do it.”
“I don’t care, Cleopatra! He should’ve stopped trying to socialize with me because I won’t ever live down my experience with Junmyeon.”
“As if crying like this will bring Junmyeon back to your life,” Cleopatra exclaimed, holding in her temper. Acquainted with heartbreak, it’s awful that it changed you entirely, but you should’ve found a way to heal. Throughout your attitude change, it’s mostly you in pain, not those you inflict it to. “My dear, I love you a lot. But this Jeno boy is different, and you know it.”
“He’s still a nightguard, for Christ’s sake, Cleopatra.”
“You shouldn’t generalize that all night guards are bad just because of one encounter that occurred at the wrong time.” Brushing some strands stuck by your wet visage, she professed to you bluntly. “You’re never going to know how good Jeno is unless you slowly open up again, (Y/N). Not forcing you the slightest, but healing started once you’ve acknowledged the past and move on from it.”
“But I’m scared, Cleopatra.” You restlessly admitted, hunching even more against the wall. Your poor, metaphorical heart could only take so much. You barely expressed sorrow towards others as you always held a strong exterior, only letting it out alone. Not holding back anymore, Cleopatra brought you in for a hug. The last time she did that was the first night after Junmyeon left, calming your intensified emotions so you wouldn’t do anything dumb that night. No violence, just pure sorrow.
“My dear, it’s alright.” She whispered while stroking your back upwards. “But you’re a risktaker; that’s how people remember you. Now, you must challenge yourself to move on from things that didn’t work out. Because once you do, it’ll put your heart and mind at ease.”
“Do you think I’ll be okay again?”
“Yes, you will be, my dear. You are not alone, and never will be.”
Acting like the dutiful son he always was, Jeno distanced from you.
He still cracked jokes, chatted with the art pieces, and followed the rules, yet never did he utter anything to you. You’ve proudly anticipated it since day one, not wanting him up in your business or teasing you ever. But this time, it felt odd.
On nights he didn’t report, you’ve unconsciously wondered what he may have been up to. A job like this at his age was just as Sanghoon once said: nothing in the regular.
Was he with his friends?
Was he resting well?
From the moment you chose to let go of your limitations and old thoughts, it included your grudge against past guards. Asking for forgiveness to Sanghoon when he returns was on the top of your list, however, that’ll take a while to happen. In the start, you’re baffled as to why he no longer picked on you like every night he’s been present. Somehow, it became a habit you’ve gotten used to, having so many comebacks planned to fend yourself. But you didn’t want to concede to it, maintaining what was left of your pride since that breakdown.
While on the subject, you suspected if anyone told him anything that night because that also indicated the last time he reached out to you. By anything, it would be your unwritten past with Junmyeon. A part of yourself in the museum that you didn’t want to disperse like rapid-fire again. It would be the last thing you wanted Jeno to know.
To your misfortune, Princess Diana came clean due to your growing concern over it. Although your attitude changed and people got used to it, you could only blame yourself that you were responsible for Jeno’s change.
“All he wanted was to understand and enlighten us with his likable presence. Then with you, you were his challenge because of your high walls. Out of everyone, he tried to learn everything about you. From my observation, whenever he has a goal, he’s determined to achieve it.”
“But I’m trying to be better now, Diana. Why did he stop?”
“He may have determination, but he knows where the boundaries lie.” Princess Diana patted the side of your arm, giving you a half-grin. “It hurt him when he hurt you, even if it was accidental. So he opted to give you space; that way, you could catch a breather and he wouldn’t harm you anymore. It was what you wanted from the start anyways, right?”
A hard pill to swallow, though it was a fact. It’s just that now, you’re slowly willing to release yourself from the dark. It’s been decades, and more to come. Nothing can move on unless you do.
“Where is he, Princess Diana?”
Just as she predicted right on the edge, Diana completed the grin on her face and led you to the entrance of your exhibit. She may be younger than you, but you’re reverted in your twenties while she remained in her mid-thirties. Gaping the wide museum from the railing, starting from the painting exhibit in the lobby to across the other side of the museum, Diana spotted the black hair of the boy in the Foreign Art Room.
“Over there.”
Observing where her eyes focused, you caught a glimpse of a recognizable side profile. The owner’s eyes were completely taken by whatever he was drawing on the fold-up desk he brought out from the storage room. By the tedious action of his right hand going up and down, you’ve gotten so used to his part-time identity as the night guard to entirely dismiss his current status as a university student.
Architecture specifically as he first introduced himself to you. The same path your oldest brother, Christopher, worked in. The look of tenacity Jeno presented as his eyebrows continuously scrunched, his crescent orbs hastily spied his work for any unnecessary details and his veiny hands brushed his already messy hair, you were profoundly reminded of Christopher when he was designing his possible future house. You were 8 years old, and he was 22, who just got married. He explained how many floors it’ll have, what rooms to put and what extra furniture he’ll place to make it feel more at home.
Seeing how exceptional his art skills were, you started to sketch like him. With flowers first, it turned into bedrooms and sceneries of your neighborhood. You felt your shoulders rise in accomplishment when you were able to accurately draw people. As much as you credited Benjamin and Liam the most in your works, it’ll only be within yourself to know that you also held a soft spot for Christopher.
Excusing yourself to Princess Diana, you bravely yet quietly ventured into the Foreign Art Room. Hiding first from one of the cement columns, you resumed watching him sketch. Instead of a pencil, he used a black pen with a tip as thin as a pencil. Your assumptions would be it was for a class, basing it on him informing everybody earlier that he’ll be inactive for the remaining hours of his shift to focus on his midterm requirements. That must be difficult to balance, yet he still does everything expected from him. Maybe the second cup of iced coffee beside him stimulated his bones and mind, letting his imagination free.
Through the limited space, you tiptoed whilst holding the side of the column to make up his work. There were 2 and a half rectangular shapes stacked on top of each other, the third one he was still tracing. A sign encrypted with tiny written words you couldn’t decipher, the beauty and modernity of Jeno’s plate cannot go unappreciated.
“That’s absolutely beautiful.”
Sweet words you didn’t think would bounce back in the room, Jeno’s pace ceased whilst you hid again. Art pieces capable of walking weren’t allowed here, he locked the door even beforehand! Or he thought as he was rushing to get his work done because one of his terror professors moved up the deadline to tomorrow morning. Not even 25% finished, he petitioned for everyone’s cooperation just for tonight.
He used up his 2 days of not having the night shift for other projects, and not wanting to ruin his perfect attendance, he proceeded to show up.
The voices from the foreign paintings around him hushed for him out of respect. So possibly someone snuck in, his head looking around for intruders. But only did he quit it when he saw your blurry reflection leaning against the column. The glass windows slightly mirror back what it sees, without you knowing that.
Not to mention, the small bit of your lilac dress was left out. Of all people, it was you?
“Do my eyes deceive me or is Miss (Y/N) (Y/L/N) inside when she’s not allowed so?”
To break the killing tension, he tested the waves with an innocent taunt. Never did you reach out to him, so least to say he was entertained whilst keeping his distance.
Fixing your proud stance, you responded in a low baritone voice you used to persuade numerous men in her adventures. “Uhm no, I don’t know who she is.”
As intelligent as you were, Jeno was a few steps farther than you this time. Educated about the risky ways you’d get around and one of them was changing the pitch of your voice, he heartily laughed at your unsuccessful attempt.
“Okay don’t lie, (Y/N). I can see a trail of your dress and your cloak. Oh, your reflection too.”
Damn, you peeked a little to realize that he was correct. Hauling your dress back in to readjust your outfit, you pushed your hair back before appearing to him. Though when you did such, you didn’t suppose that he was practically beside you the entire time. Bumping into his towering stance of 5’10 while the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up, your proud posture loosened up. He even discarded his blazer. A few more inches, he could’ve cornered you on the column if you didn’t take another step back.
Has he always been this tall or were you so used to your boots having high heels under? Oh wait, maybe because you wore flats this time because it’s making your toes sore. Your head bowed from struggling to maintain eye contact with him, your palms caressing your cheeks that suddenly heated up. Clearing your throat, you straightened your back again like nothing happened.
Jeno thought otherwise, shrugging his shoulders as he chuckled. He’s never seen you get shy, not that it was a bad thing either. The temptation to play around it more was there, but he was running out of time for his assignment.
“Come in. I’ll let you off the hook this time.” His arms opened up, allowing you access to such a wonderful exhibit. Paintings from different European periods, miniature versions of famous infrastructures inside glass containers, and replicas of Greek columns in the front entrance, no wonder it’s important to protect them all.
“Are you sure?” Watching him return to his spot, which was a bench in the center of the exhibit with a table in front, it didn’t process that you were gawking at his toned back. His broad shoulders and the evident muscles in his arms while he stretched, your eyes were speedy to look away when he tried to take a glance at you.
“I don’t think the paintings here and I mind.” Sitting down again, he tapped the vacant space beside him. “Feel free to watch me draw if you want to.”
Settling by his side, he recommenced where he left off. Now with a closer view of his piece, it did look like a building as you thought. He was sketching the remaining outline of the 3rd floor of this hypothetical place, continuously checking his ruler to monitor if the lines were consistent. Able to pick up on the words of the sign beside the building, you wowed with one hand on your lips.
“You’re redrawing Seoul National University Museum of Art?”
“One of my plate assignments was to visualize a renovation of a certain place, so I chose the museum.”
“Why so?”
“Well,” Jeno shook his pen so the ink could come out. “This entire place comes to life with the royal plate, so I think we should expand the space and bring in more art pieces to life if we add another extra floor. A rooftop area for visitors and events would be fun. And definitely, we should modernize the exterior and interior a bit because it looks outdated personally. That’s also what my friends think too.”
Noticing the minor details of his plate whilst removing any unnecessary pens so it wouldn’t smudge, “Huh, I quite agree with you.”
For the first time since his night shift, you, (Y/N) (Y/L/N), came into an agreement with him. He became so accustomed to clashing opinions that now, you had no contrasting points to make at all. A good change perhaps was what he’s witnessing.
“Woah, who are you agreeing with me and where’s (Y/N)?” He creased his brows whilst locking eye contact with you. This time, you didn’t wince away and just nudged him on his shoulder to get back to work.
“Hush, Jeno. Isn’t that due later? Get to work, I’ll roam around here for the meantime.”
After decades in this museum, you’re enlightened with the foreign paintings in which some you’ve heard of in your younger years and some that were created beyond your time. The Birth of Venus, Liberty Leading the People, Girl with a Pearl Earring, there’s an advantage of learning about their stories that humans couldn’t interpret. Logical that this section must be off-limits because these pieces were extra special, yet there’s so much more than what meets the eye.
There’s peace in silence while you wandered around, though it doesn’t hinder only at the art. Jeno hasn’t uttered a word since he got back to drawing, and once you asked him what’s doing now, still no answer back. Odd, he’s constantly awa-
Oh, my. You must’ve jinxed it.
Your eyes laid on Jeno leaning forward on his desk with his arms serving as his pillow, resting his head sideways. Soft snores and minimal movement in his upper body to shake the growing cold temperature of the room, he was sleeping like a log.
Putting into perspective, he hasn’t acquired enough rest specifically this past 2 weeks. The endless number of plates due making him work extra during his shift rather than sleeping in the slightest, exhaustion must be an understatement. Coffee no longer pushed him to his maximum for this week even.
But this was the path he chose, and it’ll have its challenges. Still, if you could relieve the stress in any way, you would. This would be one of the ways to repay for all the rudeness you’ve passed on him. Scurrying to his side, placing the plate on the side with his other things. You returned the caps of his open pens so they don’t spill. They must be expensive, recalling how Jeno shared the cons of being an architecture major to Princess Diana. One was the pens needed for sketching, and any tiny damages to them meant buying them again.
With his watch on clear display, he only had 2 hours left until his shift was done. Then, 4 hours until his plate assignment was done, and his current plate was far from done.
The blunt impulse to wake him up slithered your mind, though his calm state deflected your duty. As if you were on board a ship again for your explorations, you paid attention to the view with a relaxed mindset.
Lee Jeno specifically was the view.
His coffee-stained lips were parted and his sharp nose breathing in and out at a relaxing pace, he must be dreaming a happy moment the way half his lips curved into a smile. If he’s resting well, then you too would be calm.
Because of your past disinterest in him, only at this moment did you observe how sharp his jawline was and the cuts on his arms he sought refuge in. No matter how many times you tried to deny Hera’s compliments of him on the side, you couldn’t.
Lee Jeno embodied attractive features; both physical and emotional.
Back to his plate, it’ll put him at a disadvantage if he submitted the way it looked before he passed out. But you remembered all those extra details he mentioned and wanted to add to this project. Being an explorer, you documented all your ventures through words or drawings. You’re fast to adjust to anything new too.
For all the good he’s done for everyone, he only deserved some help in return.
Your version of help was sketching the remaining details of this plate, using other pens for more emphasis. It’s a risk also, but no way could you turn a blind eye on Jeno this time.
Around 5:30 am, Jeno’s eyes blinked open due to a brightening light from the outside. Stretching his limbs, he finds a velvet cloak wrapped around him like a blanket. But before he could question it, he pulled his arm in to see the time on his watch.
“Fuck!” He cursed, realizing that his so-called 10-minute snooze break aborted.
“Oh my, you’re awake!” From his frazzled state, there you were. So put together yet active, some strands of your hair falling down your face even with your hair up in a ponytail. “How was your sleep?”
This whole time he could’ve been woken up, yet you chose not to. You’re aware of his deadline, yet you let him rest entirely. He could’ve burst out in stress, yet he didn’t. You and he may have started on the wrong foot, yet it’s impossible of you to do such an evil thing. He’ll just have to tolerate the outcome later today.
“Refreshing. I really needed it.” Packing his things in his bag and closing the table, you trailed along as he exited with you. Locking up, he has 30 minutes left to accomplish the cleaning. A long good morning indeed.
But his worry of that vanished when you admitted that you had it all covered.
“Everyone helped out in cleaning, plus there are no damages made either.” From your hand, you returned one of his keys that was on his guard blazer. “I double-checked the Oriental Room and locked the doors again.”
“Why are you suddenly so nice to me, (Y/N)?” He questioned with confusion, wearing his blazer again and patting away any creases. He placed your cloak over you again like a true gentleman.
Without a word, you simply invited him to walk you back to your exhibit as parts of the sun began to rise. As you returned to your section, your fellow figures readying themselves to pose again,
“It’s my way to apologize for my very rude first impression and the succeeding moments after. I was too cooped up in my past that I was too afraid to let humans in again, night guards in particular.” You admitted, removing your cloak and placing behind your chair like always. “I’m so sorry, Jeno. Everyone was right about you and your kind heart.”
“About time.” Cleopatra’s sultry voice cut in, laying on her day bed.
Before you had the chance to flip off, Jeno mediated swiftly. With a gentle smile, “No worries about it. I’m just happy you’re okay, after all you’ve been through.”
“Can we start over then?”
“Absolutely.” With his free hand, he brought it out. No matter what kind of introductions, shaking one’s hand was the best way to start a friendship. “Good evening. I’m Lee Jeno, the new museum night guard.”
“(Y/N) (Y/L/N), explorer and author.” Sighing at his humor, you still replied by shaking his hand. “And I believe you’re mistaken, Lee Jeno. It’s a good morning.”
Seconds after, you imitated your typical pose and smile. Only now, the latter was more genuine. Finally, a fresh start to end your agony.
Once the sun fully revealed itself, every figure including yourself froze back to sleep. Something Jeno wished to catch up on if it weren’t for his damn plate. He was so screwed, already contemplating his next steps if he does fail this class. The possibility of getting delayed in all aspects, he dreaded it already.
Heading back to his dorm, where both his roommates completely passed out from soju on the couch, he sat by his work desk and turned on his night lamp for more light since the sun wasn’t strong enough yet.
With another cup of coffee, he cracked the joints of his knuckles and laid out his pens. He had 2 hours left to submit this plate, and at most he should accomplish 50% of his initial plan. However, he didn’t anticipate such a gorgeous outcome when he brought out his plate.
Picture perfect of every detail he desired, even adding a rooftop area with that he’d love to have if ever the museum does go under renovation one day. Rather than setting the plate during the day, it was at night as the skies were dark and bright specks of yellow inside the building symbolized light.
So much for wasting coffee, he’ll just give it to Jaemin when he wakes up later. Below the final product, a note written in cursive was stuck on it.
I knew you wanted to get this specific plate done, but you mustn’t compromise your sleep for it. It’s your inhumane professor’s fault!
To make up for my faults, I wanted to help you out. I paid extra attention to the details you spoke highly about, so I only hoped that I interpreted it correctly. It’s risky, but as someone who researched so much about me, would you be surprised that I did such a thing?
PS: Get back to sleep. I’m quite sure your desk is laid out the same way in the Foreign Art Room.
Respectfully,
(Y/N)
Turning off his lamp, Jeno jumped the covers of his bed to continue his lost sleep. Without an ounce of care that he hasn’t changed into cleaner clothes, he’s relieved that he won’t flunk his class.
Most of all, he’s relieved that you’ve melted the ice in you and allowed kindness to come in. Jeno may never understand how hard that must’ve been for you, yet he raved you for it.
“Oh, (Y/N) (Y/L/N). Surprise is an understatement when it comes to you.”
#nct#nct au#nct scenarios#nct x reader#nct fluff#nct angst#nct smut#nct imagines#nct dream#nct dream au#nct dream scenarios#nct dream x reader#nct dream fluff#nct dream angst#nct dream smut#nct dream imagines#lee jeno#lee jeno x reader#lee jeno au#lee jeno scenarios#lee jeno angst#lee jeno imagines#lee jeno fluff#lee jeno smut#jeno#jeno x reader#jeno au#jeno scenarios#jeno imagines#jeno fluff
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Thoughts about Erik, why Wilhelm wasn't allowed to come out, and more.
Be warned, this is long, confusing, and I'm not even sure if I made any valid points. But I had thoughts on Young Royals, with no one to talk to, so here you go.
I've seen various different takes on Erik and what people thought his reaction would have been if Willie had come out to him, most of them being positive, and some as well saying how sad it was that Willie never got to come out to his brother. I have a different take, but bear with me it's gonna take a second to get there.
Something that I found interesting in the first place was that when August found out it was Simon and not a girl, he just seemed shocked, but not in a homophobic way that I had kind of been expecting.
Additionally, let's take a look at the comments on the video, I've split them up into three different groups. General comments (disbelief, surprise, pity, etc.), comments sexualizing them, and negative comments. (I've translated these as well as I could as they were not all captioned, but if I've made a mistake feel free to let me know!)
General Comments
"OMG Have you seen this?? The Prince is gay!!!!"
"Who's the other guy?"
"I'm dead"
"Finally some news to put Sweden on the map!"
"Poor boys, I feel sorry for them"
"So clumsy to get caught on film"
"I know where he lives!"
"I think the video is fake"
"Love for the boys"
Sexualizing Comments
"Royal porn"
"Sexy"
"Love"
"Sexiest video ever"
Negative Comments
"How will the monarchy survive this?"
"The end of the royal family, time for Sweden to become a republic!"
"Never been ashamed about being Swedish until now"
"Class traitor! Your mother cries for your sins"
Now, there are quite a few things I want to point out about Sweden that I feel should be taken into account here. Of course, we don't know the exact dates that the show took place, but we do know it is modern-day, and though it is a work of fiction, I am going to assume that anything that is currently true in Sweden at the moment, give or take a few years, would also be true in the Young Royals universe.
The first point I would like to make is that Sweden is one of the most LGBT-friendly countries, even being named the most friendly country in 2019. Looking back in history, 1944 was when Sweden decriminalized sexual relationships between consenting adults of the same sex, though it was still thought to be an illness. However, in 1979 it was no longer considered an illness. Fun unrelated fact, but Sweden was the first country to legalize gender change in 1979. (If you'd like to read more on LGBT rights in Sweden here are some resources. One. Two.) If Sweden is that progressive and is that LGBT-friendly, then I wondered what the problem was with Willie coming out, so I dug some more.
I'm American, so my understanding of many parts of the world is unfortunately skewed or incomplete, but I'm working on changing that. However, because of this, one thing that surprised me in my research was that the monarchy in Sweden is more of a unifying symbol than anything else. They have no political affinity or formal powers, but rather "the King’s duties are mainly of a ceremonial and representative nature." Of course in the case of Young Royals, the Queen inherited the throne, and Wilhelm would after her.
Something else I found interesting about the monarchy in Sweden is that the current Queen, Queen Silvia, did not come from a line of nobility, so when Queen Silvia and King Carl Gustaf married in 1976, it was highly unusual. (See more on the Swedish monarchy here.)
There is one last thing I want to point out about the current King and Queen. "In summer 2000, King Carl XVI Gustaf and Queen Silvia of Sweden made history when they ate under the rainbow flag at Djurgårdsterrassen, a Stockholm restaurant owned by gay owner Arto Winter. At that time, the decision was seen as controversial, and played a valuable role in moving conversations forward – while making the royals’ position abundantly clear." (Source)
Now, of course, I understand the difference between a fictional work and real-life situations, but at least in my opinion, these same ideals should carry through to the show that we see. If the King and Queen in real life have been openly supportive of the LGBT community since at least 2000, then although specifics might not be the same, some of those ideals should carry through to Young Royals, so what is the problem, right?
I'm not trying to erase the reality of homophobia altogether, because of course, that exists. We even see in the show through comments that there are some people who are worried about the state of the monarchy, are disgusted, or downright still think that not being straight is a sin, but we also see other comments as well. If Wilhelm were to come out, what would happen? Would there be some backlash? 100%. Would there be people who would support him? Also 100%. Would it make his life harder? Probably, but would he be happier? In my opinion, yes, but I guess that's a question that Wilhelm would have to gauge on his own.
Now I want to look deeper at the conversation that Wille has with his mother, the Queen, in the car on the way home so he can give a statement to the media. Below is an excerpt from their dialogue.
---
Wilhelm: Why can't I just have a relationship with him? And not say anything. Just live a normal life.
Queen: You're the crown prince. And that's a privilege, not a punishment.
Wilhelm: Yes, but I didn't ask for this!
Queen: Well, nobody has ever, ever asked for this! You are the only one who can take over the throne after Erik. Don't you understand that? You are so young. When you're young, love feels like the most important thing in the whole world. When I was your age, I too had an unfortunate romance. That was before I met your father. What I mean is, is it worth it? If you feel that the attention you've been getting so far is unacceptable, it's nothing compared to what you will endure for the rest of your life. We have a chance to cover this up, I urge you to take that chance. You may not get another."
---
Something I find interesting is how much Willie just wants to live a normal life, which I get. He is under so much pressure, from being a role model, his brother's death that he hasn't even had time to process, preparing to be king someday, and (kind of) being outed to the entire world, but at least his school. It's enough to make anyone want to live normally. I think the biggest thing we have to think about here is the Queen's question as well. Is it worth it? She is right of course, the attention he will get will always be there, but I do think that Willie would be able to find a way to be happy along with being King. It shouldn't have to be a case of either-or, and ultimately I don't think it is.
Now I'm going to move back to Erik, and really, this ties everything back to the start where I mentioned I had a different take on Erik's reaction to Willie being not straight. I think that Erik already knew. It would make sense for a variety of reasons. In the show, it is obvious that the two of them have a good relationship. We also hear Erik tell Willie, "you can trust him, he's like a brother," in episode one when speaking about August, showing that trust is something strong between them as brothers. I'm not exactly sure how old Wilhelm is meant to be in the show, but I estimate somewhere around sixteen. I would like to assume that sometime before attending Hillerska, he may have had a crush or felt some attraction to a guy. We also can see from their phone call in episode three, that they're not afraid to joke around with each other about such things, meaning that Erik would most likely be the first person that Willie would go to about such things.
Another thing that makes me believe Erik already knew has to do with people assuming that Simon is the first guy that Willie has liked. Now, I know things are not the same for everyone, but if we consider what happens when the video is posted, and Willie had to deny it is him, we can conclude that being anything other than straight in their family is not okay, simply because they are royals, and the media attention will be too much. Imagine you've known your whole life, you can't be something, the first instance you encounter that, you're probably not going to give in right away. I'm talking at least some minor internalized homophobia here or something.
So put that into the context of Simon and Willie's first kiss in episode two. Simon kisses Willie twice before Willie says "Well, I'm not... I'm not... Stop! Wait, wait, wait!" and immediately pulls Simon back towards him. Let's reflect back to episode one where Willie says "I’m not… I’m not allowed to speak about political issues." I'm not allowed. Of course, there are TONS of restrictions on what he can and can not do, kissing guys, probably being one of them. But if he was going to say I'm not gay or I'm not like that, why would he instantly pull him back in, contrasting what he was just going to say. In episode three, Willie does say, "I'm not like that," which makes sense. He's had time to think and isn't in the heat of the moment. What other explanation can he give? Sure, he could say he's not allowed to be like that but saying that would admit that he is. It's a circle, a very messy circle, but it is a... loop.
Going back to what I'm supposed to be talking about here, Erik. This isn't Willie's first rodeo, but Erik was there for the first. One last thing I want to talk about is the phone call that Erik and Willie have in episode three. Below is an excerpt from their dialogue.
---
Erik: You've met someone.
Wilhelm: I, uh... Yes, okay, but I... I don't think we're a couple or anything. I don't know what it is but can we just...
Erik: I get it. I get it. You don't have to tell me any... I don't wanna hear any details. Hey. Willie, enjoy yourself. Soon enough people will start having opinions and-
Wilhelm: They don't care about me. 'Cause you're the Crown Prince that they have opinions.
Erik: I don't get it. Why are you sitting in your room sulking when you have a crush to hang out with?
---
Firstly, Erik refers to Willie's crush as completely gender-neutral. "You've met someone" could very easily be "you've met a girl". The same goes for "you have a crush to hang out with". Very well could have been "you have a girl to hang out with". Sure, it could be completely coincidental, but we live in such a heteronormative society that it would just make sense for Erik to use female-gendered words. Unless, of course, he knew.
Secondly, "Hey. Willie, enjoy yourself. Soon enough people will start having opinions". This sounds very much to me like, enjoy your time while you can be yourself without backlash because soon you won't have that privacy. While I feel that, yes, the same may happen with anyone Willie was to date, him having a same-sex partner multiplies that, by a lot.
In conclusion, Erik knew Willie was not straight, Willie should come out, but when he is ready, and August is a really deep character that people don't give enough credit to. Gosh, I hope I covered everything, I probably forgot so much, but it's fine. Please let me know your thoughts if you've made it this far into the post.
One last thing. I hope you'll notice how in this post, I never referred specifically to Wilhelm's sexuality, and I did that for a reason. I often see gay used to label him, and though I am unsure if that's being used as an umbrella term or specifically as in he only likes men, I think it's really important to realize that they're specifically making him unlabeled. In this youtube video Edvin Ryding, the actor who plays Wilhelm, says "What we're trying to do... We're not labeling Wilhelm's sexuality. I think that's good because it's like, it portrays that it's okay that way too. You don't have to. You shouldn't have to come out. It should be allowed to be a bit fluid, a bit out there." I just think that it is important as it's another type of representation that is not seen often.
#young royals#prince wilhelm#simon eriksson#wilmon#simon x wilhelm#young royals netflix#wilhelm yr#simon yr#august yr#erik yr#netflix#edvin ryding#omar rudberg#malte gårdinger#ivar forsling
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Canonicity of Ships ≠ Admirability of Ships
Here’s another argument Pro-gr///vians use to either defend their ship or to put down ships that clash with their own:
“Gr///via is canon! GraLu (for example) is not, so you need to shut up. Gr////via is better because it’s canon and your ship will never be.”
This “argument” is just another weapon Pros sometimes use to invalidate other shippers. These types of shippers can never seem to just be happy with their own ship and have to make sure everyone who disagrees with them doesn’t get to like their own ship in order to feel better about themselves.
Here’s some examples, which pictures are shown below, of the people a fellow Anti friend of mine has had to deal with. (They’re not talking to me here btw, they’re messages my friend sent me pics of). It’s not even the worst I’ve seen, they’re just recent. I shall provide a rebuttal beneath said pictures.
^ For this last one, I could debunk every pseudo point they said. I might just do so on a later date.
This argument is absolutely ridiculous. I don’t think it counts as one.
I know I should justify this point, and I shall here, but honestly I don’t see the need to. It’s so surprising and disappointing to see it used by Pros. I shall explain my position anyway, even if those Pros don’t for their own, and to do that I have some questions.
Now, on to my response:
Since when did the canonicity of a ship determine the value or quality of it?? Are we going to pretend the author is always the pinnacle of goodness and the expert on healthy relationships, so whatever they decide is the best? I sure don’t.
Just because an author decides they like a ship enough to make it canon does not prove it’s a good ship, and just because an author decides to not make a ship canon doesn’t suddenly mean those characters don’t have chemistry or potential as a couple. Authors aren’t omniscient and they sure as heck don’t determine good or bad. Saying the canonicity (which basically translates to the author’s decision) determines a ship’s goodness makes the Appeal to Authority fallacy.
And since when did you have to only ship couples that are canon??? Why do you get to tell others that their ships suck and they’re pitiful and they should shut up and they don’t get to appreciate their ship just because it’s not literally penned into the media???
I’m actually baffled some Pros think they’re so much better than people who ship Gray or juvia with anyone else. Just because Mashima forced these two into one of the most toxic and unhealthy “canon” ships I’ve seen does not make you better because exactly that—it’s toxic and unhealthy. You don’t get to feel superior for supporting abuse, and you definitely don’t get to make others feel inferior for not supporting abuse and for supporting a healthier ship that harms no one.
I’m usually of the philosophy to leave people alone in their ships. If it makes them happy, then why not? Even if it’s not canon, which should be a non-factor of how good the ship is, it is a fun part of watching anime or reading manga to ship the people you like together. However, I don’t leave toxic, unhealthy, abusive, and disgusting ships alone.
Protest that it’s fiction all you want—fiction is where lots of young people learn things and fiction is where things are first normalized and introduced into society as good or fine. To ship p*dos or incest or r*pists or stalkers with their victims is just repulsive and insensitive. I could talk about this all in its own separate post, but it’s a dark and sad topic that I don’t feel going into too much detail for now.
Back to the point, if canonicity really does equal better, then you have to acknowledge that even if an author makes an immoral ship canon, (again, p*do, incest, r*pist, stalker etc.) you’ll support it wholeheartedly because the author said so.
I’ll try to summarize and re-lay out my points concisely here.
• The author is not an untouchably moral person. Using their approval of your ship by making it canon as a reason to prove it’s good does nothing, because since they’re a fallible person just like everyone else, they could’ve either accidentally or purposefully made a toxic couple. Therefore, canonicity does not prove a relationship is good.
• You can’t pretend you’re better since you ship a canon couple because the only difference between you and a person who ships a non-canon couple is the amount of moments between the characters. That literally only means you have more moments to enjoy. Does that invalidate their ship? Is that how you are going to measure the goodness of a ship, by comparing the amount of moments? What if those moments are contrived and terrible for both characters?
I think the value of a ship is how much it gives you joy, and that’s quite subjective. (Still won’t excuse evilly perverse ships as subjective though.) And even if a non-canon shipper has less moments to be excited about, it simply makes those rare moments all the more valuable and appreciated, so there’s no loss of happiness here.
Also, I mean, is this what you want to feel proud about for, to feel superior for, shipping an established couple in an anime? Woohoo? Congrats? You haven’t accomplished anything besides blindly following the author’s pen and word like a sheep, especially blindly if it’s a toxic ship. That’s not to say liking a canon couple is bad all around, it just doesn’t make you special somehow, (kinda the opposite actually because canon shippers tend to be a majority and therefore not rare or special) so stop pretending like you are and stop pretending like everyone else isn’t.
• Also you have no right to tell someone to stop shipping something else just because your ship is canon. Since when did we minority shippers have to listen to the majority shippers? Leave harmless shippers alone. It just shows how insecure you are if you have to invalidate every other ship you don’t approve of in order to feel like your ship is the best or valid.
• Lastly, I’m still not convinced Gr///via is truly canon in the main story. People keep throwing around “Gray confessed his love for juvia” and I still haven’t seen any proof. Also 100 yq, from what I’ve seen, seems more like a fever dream fanfic than canon story (very badly written not even just bc of Gr///via) and Gray doesn’t act like himself anymore. And no, it’s not because of “character development”. He’s an arguably worse character for giving in to his abuser. Their relationship is contrived and forced and basically Stockholm Syndrome. But whatever, even if it’s actually canon, then just look to this post again.
Canon does not mean the ship is loving and respectable. Shipping a canon couple doesn’t make you superior. Kindly get over yourself.
Closing Notes:
This post seems heated I guess, but it doesn’t make me happy to see some Pros bullying Antis based on stupid, mean-spirited reasoning and a false sense of superiority. Anyway, as always, please tell me what you think respectfully! I hope I was coherent enough. Please have a nice day and thank you for your time!
#stop being so pretentious just because your ship may or may not be canon gosh#anti gruvia#anti gruvia fandom#anti pro gruvia#anti pro gruvians#anti hiro mashima#anti fairy tail fandom#anti fairy tail#fairy tail discourse#fairy tail discussion#anti juvia#anti juvia loxar#anti juvia lockser#fairy tail#gralunaessay
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