#yokan answers
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HIII if you don’t mind sharing, what are your fav klaroline fics? New and old, I’m in need of new reads 🙏
I'm probably not the best person to be doing new fic recs. 🥲 I have sadly not been reading that much Klaroline myself these days. When I do read fic, it's for other stuff. So my recs are either old or new-ish. 😂 But hopefully you can find something to your liking that haven't read yet here.
Buckle up because I took my sweet time with this list, nonnie.
. Inertia Overcome by @avari20
The first KC fanfic I remember reading the reason why I finally got pulled into the fandom after years of watching TVD as a reasonable spectator (so rly, if you guys can't stand to see me around anymore after all this time, it's this fic's fault for being so good). Honestly one of this fandom's statement works. If you haven't read it yet, please do.
. Timeless by @marvelouskatie
Same as the above. One of the most iconic KC fics of all time imho. The canon AU to end all canon AU. When I first decided to come out of the shadows and create a tumblr and actually start interacting with folks, this was the first fic that was recced to me. I was very grateful then, and now I'm here to pass this knowledge on.
. Picturesque by @supernutellastuff
Honestly of the sweetest, most heartwarming fics I've ever read! It's a human AU that's a How I Met Your Mother sort of adaptation, and honestly the first time I've ever enjoyed HIMYM. I love a good ensemble fic and this is just it! Supernutella is so talented.
. Quiet Light by @definedareasofuncertainty
This fic was WRITTEN FOR ME because of how much I pestered my friend Luiza about Carolijah and this will forever feel like a trophy to my heart. 🥰 It made me feel ALL THE FEELINGS. I hated Caroline, I loved Caroline, I loved my baby Elijah, I hated him, I also hated Klaus (he's such a fucking asshole omfg), but then the end was just DHAGHDDASAS!! You think you're in for a certain kind of story and it turns out to be so much more. It is, deep down, about the brothers, how selfish they are, how they can hurt each other more than anyone, but how they love one another above anything else, even when they want to kill each other (and fall in love with their brother's girl!!!). It's beautiful, like everything Luiza writes, and it genuinely made me cry.
. long limbs and frozen swim by @definedareasofuncertainty
I saw a discussion the other day about how whoever wrote this fic JUST GOT IT, and I have to say I completely agree with the person who made that comment. Luiza just NAILS Caroline's grief and loneliness after her mother's death, how isolating and gut-wrenching it is. Klaus being the person who finds her, who knows exactly what to say without her ever having to spell it out, the one who can truly see her, is so honest too. This fic is sensitive and absolutely beautiful. Luiza's writing is perfection and this is for sure one of my all-time favorites.
. Whisper to me, Help me remember by @lalainajanes
This story reimagines the plot with the "villains" of TO S3 in a way that proves my point that the premise of that season was good, but execution was absolute crap. All of the potential the De Martels had to be incredible antagonists was completely destroyed at the hands of the show writers - but explored to perfection by Laine's much more capable hands. Klaus is freed after 10 years in captivity to find that Caroline had been working with Tristan this whole time in order to take him down - except something is not quite right about that. While you're at it, please read all of Laine's fics! It's a delight.
. Into the Woods by @jinxedwood
I wept when I read this because it's the post-TO canon fic I didn't even know I needed. Caroline's search for a way to stop her twins' merger ends up leading her to someone who's been watching over her on the Other Side. 😭 I thought I'd always rather live in denial when it came to how TO ended, but this fic made my heart so full! Also, jinxedwood's use of fae mythology here was incredible.
. All I Need by @euvixen
This story is HOT. It taught me things about the werewolf AU universe I was not prepared to learn, but I am a much happier person after reading it. It's a canon mates AU that will leave you 🥵🥵🥵🥵 I speak as though the story was merely about the smut, but it's actually much more than that. A TVD S3 reimagine of sorts that is incredibly satisfying. That's my favorite season of TVD, but this is still even better.
. the birth and death of the day by @little-miss-sunny-daisy
Anyone who's known me for a some time knows how this fic was my entire personality for a while there. I'm obsessed with Kelly's writing, and I have this fic on a freaking pedestal. I first started reading it when it was on a six years hiatus, and I was *so* into it I didn't even bother me that it might never get updated because it was so good I was just happy I'd found it. But then my silly comments inspired Kelly to come back to it, finish it, and it has honestly been my greatest accomplishment as a part of this fandom because this is a masterpiece. It's a TVD/Supernatural crossover where Caroline is a step-sister to the Superbros. It's truly, truly epic, with beautiful writing. This could genuinely be a show. It's amazing, just read it.
. this is a harvest by @highgaarden
This, right here, is the perfect Klaroline-within-canon story. This is the story that put my revolt to rest and gave my spirit some much deserved peace where those two are concerned. This is exactly what canon should've been like. I'm not even joking, this is IT. If you'd asked me what I thought the perfect Klaroline development should be like I probably would've said something very vague because I couldn’t explain it, I’m not that great or creative a writer, but now I can just show you this story and let you bask in the amazingness of a fantastic read that will not only keep you thoroughly entertained, but will also be the answer to all the questions you didn't even know you had.
. Paradise Lost by Borzoi
When i grow up, I want to learn how to write like Borzoi. All of their fics are incredible novella-like reads. It's addictive. And this is probably my favorite (it varies though, sometimes I'm in a Parisian Deal era). What happens after Klaus and Caroline sleep together in 5x11, and how they eventually find their way back to each other. It's just one of those stories that you can't stop reading after you start. It's so rich, so deep, so perfectly IC. One of those fics to end all fics.
. The Stubborn Grace of Being Loved Regardless by @helpless-in-sleep
One of the modern day classics, if you will. This fic is such a stunning, vivid and delicate picture of Caroline's mind as she was dealing with the consequences of the abuse she suffered at the hands of Damon. She's still human, but she's probably more IC than we've seen her ever on the show when it comes to this. The bond she forms with Klaus is truly incredible too, and speaks a lot of how the two of them really do have a lot in common (even with Caroline still as a human), but it's really the Caroline study part of the story that touches me. The writing is absolutely beautiful as well.
. it takes a while to settle down by theviolinist
This story is a punch to your stomach, but it is PERFECTION in 8k words. It's hot, it's bittersweet, it's SO in character and, in my head, I kinda like to pretend that this is what happened before Caroline married Stefan. lol
. Wanderlust by @bellemorte180
Anybody who was a part of fandom around the time this story was being published can tell you how much of an EVENT it was. There were discussion groups about the mystery. It was so entertaining. Erica's attention to detail and how she wove the little clues throughout the chapters made this a genuine thriller. I particularly some of the side-characters here. It's honestly another fandom staple I think everyone should read.
--
In terms of newer fics that I can rec you, I have two that are on my TBR. One of them is a WIP that I've been slowly going through, and the other one I know was recently finished.
. make them bow by @stars-and-darkness
This was recced to me by two friends recently and I started reading it a while back and thought it was incredible! I have sadly been awful with keeping up with stuff, but just based on the raving reviews and the five chapters I read, I fully believe it to be just as awesome as it seems to be. The writing was so good, and I was just in love with Klaus' voice in this story. It was so reminescent of early-days TVD Klaus, which is by far my favorite Klaus of all. Sexy and dangerous and so smooth. I loved it! Need to get back to it.
. Wolf Club by @Radioactive79
Listen, if you like kid fics, this is absolutely for you. The whole story is narrated by an eight-year-old OC, the daughter of Ray Sutton, the first werewolf Klaus kills when he's trying to start his mass-production of hybrids. She's a little wolf herself, and a while little thing who was subjected to her fair share of child trauma. Klaus has no idea what to do with her, but ends up taking her with him as continues on his journey, and ends up forging a bond with the little girl. I cannot tell you how delicious this story is. It has Klaroline, yes, but for me the little girl is the absolute star of the company. I usually hate OCs, especially children, in fics, but this one is AMAZING. Seriously. The way this story is written is glorious. I can't recommend it enough.
#klaroline#klaroline fanfic rec#klaroline fanfiction#yokan answers#it's been a minute since i wrote such a long rec list!#i know i have some followers that are new-ish in fandom so i hope this might introduce some old classics to them#honestly this is all better than anything i've ever written#i'm spoiling y'all#hope you still want to read my crappy fics after going through this list nonnie lol#long post
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More Xenoverse 2 (and other games) brainrot because it’s my blog and I can do that.
But I’ll still put it under a cut, even though there’s no more screenshots than there were last time. It is, however, way more rambling and stupid. In a fun way, not a self-depreciating way.
Fuck, who am I kidding, it’s both.
If you set Goku as your mentor, then talk to Cell, this becomes one of his dialogue options:
Seasoned? Taste? You and your fucking food words again, sir. Have you ever even cooked anything? Ever? (Seriously, if Cell says you look like a snack, is he flirting with you or threatening you?)
I talked to him a few more times, he never mentioned the wedding dress Aloe’s wearing.
Which sucks even more than it normally would, because maaaaan, you know what I had to go through to even get that thing?
Actually, the Wedding Dress is kind of weird. There’s four types of armor in the game: top, bottom, gloves, and shoes. But the wedding dress “top” includes those gloves - which don’t cover the hands. You can put on a separate pair of gloves *over* those, and there’s plenty of white ones to be had (or other colors if you like), but pretty much all of them look odd because...that’s not how fancy gloves work. The other two pieces in the wedding dress set are shoes (no idea what they look like, I never got them) and a plain pair of shorts that are completely covered by the top. (Seriously, your character could go commando under the thing and no one would know.) I have no clue why they made it this way, instead of say, a dress top with special shoes and separate gloves, maybe with like, a little corsage on the side or something.
I know it’s a fighting game and dress-up shouldn’t be their first priority, but a little bit more effort on that wouldn’t have gone unappreciated. I’m just saying.
Especially since they did just fine with the tuxedo. Here’s my short king Yokan showing it off:
(Man, I really need to play with his base colors some more, I don’t know that I like his dull brown armor. But nothing else I’ve tried seems to suit him?)
Anyway, meh, whatever. So what if sensei didn’t notice our clothes. Who needs fancy shit?
This is my favorite setup for Aloe right now because at first glance it’s kind of badass, but the longer you look at it the more ridiculous it gets. (Which is the perfect aesthetic for this game, really.) Especially the car seat belt-looking fastener thing across her chest. It might have looked more intimidating on Bido, but on Aloe it cracks me the fuck up. I can’t take it seriously at all. "Hang on, almost ready, just gotta buckle up the girls!” Just one click and voila! Easy motorboating access! Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I’m done.
That Super Soul, by the way? I fucking love it. Aloe has kind of an absurd amount of Ki, and it’s a pain to refill it by most normal means. This particular Super Soul refills it completely every time you defeat an enemy. Very nice. There’s actually a few Super Souls I go back to time and again, depending on the situation, and I wish there was a way to pin the ones you use most at the top of the list, for easy access. Because believe me when I say there are a fuckton of Super Souls available, and most of them won’t apply to your character’s fighting style at all. (But they’re still handy to unlock for other characters to use.) Still, when I’m scrolling through the list trying to find a particular one, or worse, can’t decide which one would be best, I tend to experience what Dave Barry once called “Way Too Many Product Choices Rage.”
I took a break from Xenoverse 2 for a couple of weeks - unintentionally, work got crazy - got back into it this weekend, but I think I may be getting ready to move onto something else soon. (The two people who actually read this shit: “THANK GOD”) I’ve always wanted to try a writing a video game diary/review kind of deal, but in the past it didn’t occur to me to take any screenshots or write anything down until I was like, halfway through the game. I’d like to try and do this right from the start this time. But if I do, it probably won’t be for a couple more weeks yet. Got a work week coming up that’s going to be longer and even worse than the one I just got out of.
I’m leaning toward Ys 8: Lacrimosa of Dana. It’s a beautiful game, I love most of the characters, the story’s pretty good, controls are nice and fluid, and it’s been a long while since I last played it. Soundtrack slaps pretty hard too.
I haven’t completely forgotten about the remake of Pocky and Rocky that I talked about months ago, though. It did come out and I did buy it, and I have played it. Here’s the thing, though: it’s...hard. They leaned heavy into Pocky and Rocky’s arcade origins, and there is a LOT going on any given screen at any given time. It’s not unfair or anything. It’s just that I’m just older now and my reaction times aren’t what they used to be. So I’ll have to unlock the easy mode (*grumble grumble shame grumble*) before I can give the story a proper look. I’ve only gotten as far as the fourth chapter, and it looks like they’re adding a twist to the old story. Intriguing, says I.
#xv2#xenoverse 2#xenoverse 2 oc#raku plays her faves#raku plays her faves: xv2#poor Ame-chan has been left out lately :(#she's a melee build and I'm not as good at that#prefer to stay at a distance and zap people#double buster is Aloe's jam#Yokan doesn't really jam#he's more into classical#I mostly tried a melee build because I wanted to see if it worked any better for me#the answer was a resounding ''fuck no Raku you SUCK at melee''#I've been trying combos with the other characters though#and I *think* I'm starting to get the hang of it?#a lot of it's timing#and as I said up there#timing ain't my strong suit anymore#I love my babies though#all of them#even the weird ones#*especially* the weird ones
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I really like Popoko! May I ask, do you ship her with anyone, be it OC or Canon character?
heyhey, thanks for the question Anon! I wish I had a single answer for you, since I play around with a lot of AUs in my writing, and Popoko features differently in them. it kinda boils down to this:
- "canon" Popoko (as I play her) is married to a lovely Viera gentleman (my best friend's wol) and will proudly inform anyone about her husband's thesis work in theoretical aetherology
- in most of her appearances she's QPPs with G'raha and Krile; in some AUs I've written she has a more complicated relationship with G'raha that carries a lot more mixed platonic and romantic feelings along with a smidgen of resentment
- as a joke I once drafted a scenario where she gets ferried off the Ragnarok post-Endwalker and directly to Ul'dah where she kisses Nanamo on the lips, but again that's mostly a joke. she did however have a crush on Nanamo at the tender age of fourteen however ("what do you MEAN not every girl from Ul'dah had a crush on the sultana???")
I'm glad you like her, she's one of my favourite OCs I've had and I treasure her dearly ^-^
#ffxiv#popoko poko#marg answers#popoko is a lot like me. panromantic ace. has a hard time forming romantic attraction#rarely does she fall for anyone but she gets the koi no yokan a lot like she COULD fall for them#but she loves everyone she meets in her own merry platonic way. headpats galore#there is a fairly long list of people who have been in love with her though#haurchefant for sure graha for sure aymeric VERY briefly#tataru had a crush on her when they were teens (made more complicated by popoko's teenage crush on the sultana)#magnai experienced a full seven seconds of Attraction to her when she punched him so hard she sent him flying during the naadam
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Koi no yokan
Kim Seungmin x reader
Synopsis: Knowing you’re going to fall for him eventually.
Koi no yokan doesn’t mean love in first sight, it’s closer to love at second sight, it’s the feeling when you meet someone that you’re going to fall in love with them. Maybe you won’t love them right away, but it’s inevitable that you will.
In your case the second you met Seungmin, you had this strange feeling you never felt before but you thought nothing of it.
You both first met in your favorite cafe, after you ordered your regular order before accidentally sitting across someone at their table. When you noticed them you instantly apologized.
He was a handsome guy, who was just stairing at you with a cup of coffee and a red velvet cake beside it.
“I’m so sorry,Sir I wasn’t paying attention and-“You can sit here” he interrupted you with a smile. You let go of your apple pie with ice cream leaving it where it was with your hot cocoa.
“What’s your name?” He asked you liking how clueless you are when you still haven’t noticed who he was.
“My name is ___, What’s yours?” You asked back making him tilt his head adorably.
“My name is Seungmin” He answered as he watched you take a bite on the pie and you seemed to noticed his glaze because you took a fork full of pie and held it to his mouth.
“This is my favorite thing to get from the Cafe, they have the best apple pie” You stated proudly making him take a bite without hesitation. For some reason he trusted you and would take your word for everything without hesitation.
He slowly chew on the apple pie before his eyes went wide with how right you were. “T-This is so good” He said craving more.
“See I told you! Try it with the ice cream it tastes even more better” You said giving him a second fork filled but this time with vanilla ice cream on it. He gladly let you feed him the pie smiling in enjoyment.
You ate the rest of the pie feeding him most of it at the end, and then Seungmin remembered he still had his red velvet cake and you were packing up to leave.
So Seungmin secretly packed the cake and wrote a little letter as you left to the bathroom and put it in your bag when you left it with him. “I’m so sorry Seungmin but I have to attend a meeting, goodbye” You said rushing for your bag and leaving him before he could say goodbye.
As you made it in your car you forgot to ask for his number, you weren’t in love but it was a different feeling. You looked in your bag for your phone until you saw a red velvet cake and a fork in a clear container with a hand written note.
I had a good time with you maybe we can hang out again and show me different foods or desserts - Seungmin
You smiled hoping you’ll see him again before pulling out the parking lot to head to that meeting.
A week pass by and your back to your favorite cafe, you been thinking about Seungmin 24/7 and you miss his smile and clueless look.
You were an absolute foodie and this time you ordered a brownie sundae. You sit at a table waiting for the waitress to bring your order till a guy sat across of you making you confuse before realizing it’s Seungmin.
You squeal in excitement before rushing over to him and hugged him. “Well someone missed me” He said jokingly.
“I did miss you” You said with no hesitation making him blush. “I missed you too Love bug” He said back.
You pulled away slightly where he can see your face “Love bug?” you asked dumb founded making him laugh.
“What? it’s cute” he whined making you roll your eyes playfully before going back to your seat. The same time the waitress came with your order, you thanked her noticing she been staring at Seungmin in shocked before she rushed away.
“What are we trying now love bug?” He asked excitedly just wanting to enjoy his time with you quickly.
You scooped a spoon full of ice cream before putting it in his mouth as he opened it slightly for you to feed him. “It’s a brownie sundae, it’s another thing I love here” You said as he swallowed the frozen treat.
“Mmm” he said enjoying the flavor.
With this Seungmin felt human around like he was a normal, regular person and he loved it. You just saw him a normal citizen instead of a famous k-pop singer.
You were falling for him and he was falling harder for you. Koi no yokan was a thing between them where they just fell in love after time.
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koi no yokan
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6.
"Thanks." You grabbed the soda Nanami was handling you.
You two had just finished a mission and stopped by a convenience store to buy something to drink.
After a while, Nanami spoke. "You have been quiet."
"I thought you didn't want me making small talk." The words had come out harsher than you had intended and he glanced at you. "Sorry", you muttered, "I..."
"I'm sorry if I gave you that impression. But I did not mean you are quiet just today. I thought you liked talking to Haibara, but he thinks so too as of the last few days." He did not sound bothered, rather, if you squinted, he seemed a little concerned. "Is something bothering you?"
"Not at all!", you blurted out too fast, loud enough for a couple of bystanders to spare a glance in your direction. You cleared your throat and repeated softer this time "I mean, no, there is nothing bothering me."
The real answer had assaulted your mind at full speed. There is something bothering me. That library thing. The fact I could not fight and the fact I have no idea of what would have happened if I had. The fact that I had to be saved. That Gojo kid. The possibility of being weaker than I thought. Not that you could tell him all that.
Nanami nodded. "I see. My apologies then. We should get going." He got up and started walking.
It was true you were not usually sent on missions alone with Kento, and when you did, most times, Yu was around to strike up conversation among the three of you. But you hadn't felt uncomfortable until now. Lying to someone's face was a way to upset them, so maybe a little honesty would not hurt.
"I've just been thinking...", you started, "Nanami, if you were to rate my strength on a scale of 1 to 10, what would you give me?"
He seemed to think for a couple of seconds, still walking by your side.
"A strong 6."
"Straight forward..." You wanted to ask what he would rate himself, but you didn't.
"Don't take it the wrong way. You will probably become stronger. I just don't think being a sorcerer is all about strength though, so I wouldn't think much of it."
You nodded and continued walking in silence until you reached station.
Besides, there is always a shortage of sorcerers. It does not matter if neither of us is strong; we have to fight because we can. That thought crossed Nanami's mind as he waited for your train to arrive, but he remained silent.
As the train entered the station, you looked at Nanami. "You are right," you spoke, and he wondered if you were still thinking of what he had said, some remorse dawning on him, "I like talking to Haibara, but I like talking to you as well." You smiled at him and got in the train.
However blunt, Nanami's words had given you some comfort. But your words just now had made a light blush appear on his face. It was a shame you had not seen it.
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previous < six > next
#jjk#gojo x reader#nanami x reader#only of you squint#gojo satoru#nanami kento#koi no yokan#jjk drabbles#writing#jjk fanfic#jjk nanami#gojo x you
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Why do you think Thomas is attracted to Alastair right away at school?
Besides Alastair being good-looking?
Because Alastair is an interesting person. There's obviously more to him than meets the eye. He's an intriguing human being for Thomas to contemplate.
More than that, though, I think the text itself answers that question in Cast Long Shadows.
"Ah, Mother Hen Fairchild," sneered Alastair. "What a lovely wife you will make for somebody one of these fine days."
Matthew was outraged to see Thomas's tiny smile, though Thomas quickly concealed it out of respect for Matthew's feelings. Thomas was meek and much afflicted by sisters. He seemed to think Alastair being rude to everyone was daring.
Thomas smiling simply shows the fact that Thomas finds Alastair funny. He's undoubtedly horrible at being a bully. Comments like "Mother Hen Fairchild" and "Pipsqueak" are mean, but they're utterly juvenile. It's amusing and the comments are just objectively hilarious. If you read their interactions in the TLH canon, you'll also notice that their senses of humor align a lot.
But also, Thomas sees Alastair- and his juvenile, rude, funny comments- as daring and bold. Thomas is shy and quiet, though smart and observant. He is boxed in even then as "the kind one," and he is resentful of it (as shown in both Chain of Gold and Chain of Iron, when he says it makes him sound dull and he wishes he weren't). Alastair possesses this boldness that Thomas wishes that he had, and he is drawn to someone with a trait that he respects.
I also would be remiss to say that I truly think Thomas felt some sort of soulmate connection to Alastair almost immediately. There's no real canon evidence of this, but he does quickly and intensely latch on. More specifically, I suspect that there was some koi no yokan going on - not love at first sight, but the feeling upon first meeting someone that you will inevitably fall in love with them.
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koi no yokan / part 1 | ran haitani x reader
tw: set in early 00s-10s, flawed characters, unreliable narrator, mentions of drug use, mentions of assault (nothing graphic) | i literally hate tagging so much because i feel like i missed something; anyways, if you think i really did tell me and i will include it.
wc: 18.516
author's note: i actually didn't want to post 'kny' on here and wanted my tumblr to be strictly for one-shots and drubbles, but now i haven't posted in so long & i desperately want to, so here we go.
~
part 1.
The new place promised a new life with new memories and new friends and new basically everything. It was too much. It was suffocating to the point where your breathing wouldn’t even out and every next breath seemed not enough. You tried to calm yourself with your favourite cup of coffee and your read half through [page one hundred and thirty five] book.
You brought a lot of books with you from your home. Them, all along with your other stuff still neatly packed in boxes had a faint smell of flowers. So mawkish it made you nauseous and despite heavy rain outside you wide opened every single window in your apartment. You wondered how you never noticed this (almost, not yet) stench back at home.
At home everything smelled like this, because your father had a flower shop and your mom loved her enormous garden more than anything else. She spent hours outside. He was at work all day. You and your older sister were at home alone.
You loved your family even though sometimes you wondered what was lacking. What was it that your heart was longing for. In all your years there you never found an answer to such an obvious question.
Now, standing before a window wall, overlooking one of the many side streets of Roppongi in your late grandma’s apartment, you thought how amusing it was that when you escaped your native Obihiro you missed it so dearly. Do psychologists have a name for this feeling? As if knowing a name for something would provide you with shelter.
A small rather inaudible sigh left your lips. You opened a balcony door smelling wet air. It will rain soon. Hopefully for hours and well into the night. But for now you will drink your homemade iced coffee and read your almost finished book.
Because you are eighteen and it’s the end of March of 2006 and you will start lawyer school in less than two weeks and everything is so new and bright and sad at the same time.
Being young is really truly overwhelming.
part 2.
In the next two months you try to make new friends so you don’t feel that lonely.
You go out with them a lot. To the cinema, to karaoke, to bowling, to their small apartments and huge mansions. Name it and you’ll be there. Just to feel a bit less lonely. Surrounded by people, with drink in your neatly manicured hands, you are almost a part of that raving crowd.
Almost.
It’s never enough and returning back to your own place that finally started indeed looking like your own place in the early morning when sky is pink and cold blue and your legs are so heavy you can barely stand is relieving. To the point you promise yourself it’s your last time going out. You would believe yourself, but then again you said the same thing last week and two weeks before that too.
When friends don't magically appear after all these months you stop. You start attending all your classes, you read manga and books on your balcony, do homework and extra work to earn more credits. You cook and the smell of homemade food circulates the three storey building. Your neighbors must be mad at you because you usually play chef late at night. They either hate you or love you, you think. No complaints come though so you continue steering pots at three in the night.
Your mom calls you twice every week. Your dad almost every day. Your sister never. She sends you messages instead. They are stupid and small.
i am fine (x_x) (emojis she’s using never correlating with the text)
it’s empty without you at home
(/▿＼ )
found your stupid manga today & read it & why is this shit so sad. u r so depressing.
i am fine
[ ± _ ± ]
don’t worry i won’t threw it out
mom’s roses are withering she’s mad
i am fine
It’s never anything important so you reply the same nonsense back or sometimes nothing at all. You have a funny feeling you are missing out on something. You don’t catch what it is.
You'll never do.
part 3.
Life in Tokyo is not easy, but it’s not that difficult either. You fall into a perfectly constructed routine quite quick, without any problem .
You wake up. You make yourself your favourite iced coffee, throwing a little bit too much ice, and with a satisfaction you watch how ice melts, cracking under the warm hug of espresso. You drink your coffee on the balcony and then you go to university where you spend most of your day.
In the evening you return home. You eat. You read or draw and then you go to bed.
Somewhere in the middle of all these you find a friend. A true friend. She doesn’t go to parties and prefers to spend her free time in a coffee shop, walking around the park or reading a book. It sounds somewhat boring at first, but she’s a truly good person (and you haven't met a lot of those lately), so you succumb.
She’s a Tokyo native which is insanely good, because she shows you a part of the city that was hidden from you all this time. Together you go to have the best ramen and yakitori and imagawayaki. You visit art galleries because you both are into the art and you both are lawyers to be, but you’d rather be an artist. You go to libraries and bookshops. You draw in the park together and at your apartment since she lives with parents and it’s more convenient to hang out at your place.
Your new best friend is the one to warn you about gangs and all the criminal activity that is lurking in Tokyo’s darkest parts. It sounds more like a distant far away world that won’t ever touch you. You don’t feel frightened. After all you left it all at Obihiro with your sister and her stupid ex boyfriend who too was a part of the local gang.
Didn’t you?
The calm voice of your friend continues naming all the gangs and then she fills you in on what they do and what territories they control and how exactly they do it. It’s crazy to think she knows that much about it. Especially for a future lawyer.
You tell her just that.
She smiles and says that her eldest brother is in the gang hence she knows so much. His gang is cool though. They don’t beat women or children. They challenge other gangs and they do try to be fair to everyone and everything. They are good guys.
The way she talks about them you might think they are Robin hoods of Tokyo.
You know for a fact it’s (probably, you have your doubts) not true.
part 4.
It is early in the morning when you wake up one day in July. It’s scorching hot and gladly you have no school today so you spend half of the morning in bed staring at white ceiling. Thinking about nothing. It’s an easy morning and you appreciate the calm - though very very hot - air that surrounds you.
Laying around in bed proves nothing. It’s boring and soon your thoughts get too complicated. Too difficult. And if anything you don’t want today to be difficult.
It’s gotta be a nice day.
That much is decided, when you slowly rise from the bed, fall on it again, lay there for two minutes listening to the clock doing its little, but loud tik-tak-tik-tak dance. Eventually you get up and stretching midway march into the bathroom.
Bathroom is like a cold oasis in the desert. Your feet touching cool marble tiles, you cross a small room aiming towards a rather spacious but square form bathtub. Why and how your late grandma chose this ridiculous design is now history. You regret you never asked.
After taking a long bath, you throw a towel around yourself and go to the kitchen. To make yourself a cup of iced coffee, of course. You don’t do breakfasts and now it’s well past the time people eat their gohan, natto and whatever else they have for their first meal of the day. You’ll cook something a little bit later. Or call your friend and go out to that now favourite place to have sushi.
Summer breeze is gentle on your naked shoulders when you sit down on the balcony. The view is not much. Just another grey living building with luxury cars in the parking lot. Roppongi is surely different from your native Obihiro. Well, it’s even different from Tokyo itself. The contrast is subtle and you can’t tell what it is exactly, but it’s there. Present as ever.
You love Roppongi.
The quiet alone time ends suddenly. You hear something tearing and then a caustic smell of vinegar welcomes itself in the air. You groan. Loudly. Trying to guess what it is you stand up from your bamboo chair and look around as if it could reveal the sudden intruder.
The unexpected intruder reveals himself.
“Oi! It’s chips.” The voice comes from your left and you look that way seeing nothing, but a plastic beige partition. You never noticed it being there before.
“How did…” You start, tilting your head so you could see the owner of the voice - he sounds young and you are quite curious because for all the months you live here you never knew you had someone your age living in your building. To be frank, you only met the old lady upstairs, but that’s because she was your late grandma’s friend and introduced herself first when you just moved in.
“You make a lot of noise.” He stops, mulling something over and you can almost hear thoughts being born in his head. Instead, he snickers and says nothing.
The barrier between your balcony’s space and his is nonexistent. The only thing dividing you two is that plastic beige partition which you easily look over from, steadying yourself on steel railings with one hand (the other one is holding the towel wrapped around your body) and furiously peer at your neighbour.
You totally never saw him before because you have a feeling that you would have noticed and remembered him. He is quite a character.
Blond hair with almost neon blue highlights is what you see first. Then his glasses that cover his peculiar coloured eyes. From the distance you can’t quite tell what colour they are, but it’s not brown, hazel or blue. It’s some other colour or maybe it’s the mix of all of them. They catch your attention the most. Until, your gaze travels south, to his chest full of tattoos. He is not wearing any t-shirt; fair enough it’s too hot and he is home.
Being too busy observing him you don’t notice him squinting his eyes and giving you almost the same identical look. The difference was though that he has seen you before. A lot of times actually. Now, he was just getting a better look.
“Salt and vinegar? Really?”
“Wanna some?” He offers you to which you wrinkle your nose and he snorts at you.
It’s more of a laugh than anything else so you don’t even register it. You don’t reply and get back to your chair in the safety of your own balcony. The whole situation seems ridiculous but the more you think about it - sitting some metres away from him hearing him eating his chips - the more it feels like it was supposed to be like this.
It’s your first time feeling something like this.
It’s deviating.
part 5.
After this encounter you see him everywhere.
On the flight of stairs. At the convenience store next to your house. In the parking lot under your building. You even bump into him on Keyakizaka street and once catch a glimpse of him at Roppongi Station.
It’s not unusual. You are neighbours. It should feel normal, but it doesn’t. It’s almost like he follows you around prying into your daily life. You know it’s not true because he doesn’t have a reason for it. Well, he doesn’t even know your name. Maybe it’s just fate that wants you two together.
Most of all, you meet on your joined balcony. He’s quietly eating his salt & vinegar chips while you read or paint. Sometimes he listens to his music. He does it wearing huge white Audio-Technica headphones. He blasts music at full volume and after some time you memorise his playlist. You must admit it. He’s got a nice taste in music.
You say it to him once and when he replies you can hear an easy smile intertwining with his words. “No shit. I wanna be a DJ. I do have a full DJ setup, it’s just that I rarely use it nowadays.”
“Why?”
It’s a simple logical question, but he doesn’t answer right away. Silence settles between you two and soon the only sound you can hear is that old lady on the floor above speaking to her husband. She asks him what he wants for dinner. It somehow reminds you of your home in Obihiro and swarms of cicadas rise in front of your eyes. Their сhirping fills your ears. The sound of home and summer.
The 2B pencil in your hand moves on its own while you wait for him to say something. It’s only after you sketch your yard full of cicadas on the pavement he finally speaks.
“Just being busy with work and Ran doesn’t like it when it’s too loud and my music is too loud for him”.
“Ran?”
He waits again before responding. This time it’s shorter. You don’t manage to draw anything. “My older brother.”
“He has a pretty name and I agree with him. Your music's too loud. I can hear it through your headphones all the time.”
“It suits him. His name.” He ignores you siding with his brother and doesn’t give you the satisfaction of being teased by you. “Mine though doesn’t suit me. Do I look like a Rindou to you?”
You laugh. He laughs too in a i told you so way.
He doesn’t see you drawing gentian and orchid in the left corner of your sketch.
You also think his name suits him well.
part 6.
When Rindou meets you outside he always acknowledges you in one way or another.
It depends if he is alone or has company.
If he is alone he’d chat you up, asking you meaningless questions about your day. If he is with someone he’d just nod at you.
You don’t dwell on the subject. You don’t think he might be embarrassed of knowing you or some stupid shit like this. It doesn’t hurt your pride because you don’t know him that well after all. Besides your occasional balcony conversation you have nothing. You are barely even friends.
He doesn’t know your name. He never asked. At this point you are almost strangers.
part 7.
Your life carries on.
You attend classes, go out with your best friend, read books, draw and chat with Rindou.
Over time you two become more accustomed to each other. Conversations turn effortless. Personal information shifts to shared. Neither of you mind it. Oversharing and spilling secrets doesn’t exist in your comfortable bubble in the middle of Roppongi.
Rindou is cosy.
No matter how close you two grow to each other, you (not him too, but you don’t know it) tell your friends about your little friendship. A grim feeling of inevitable stops you every time you try to tell your best friend about him, his blue locks and round glasses. If you tell her something bad will happen. What you can’t tell. This ominous prediction follows you around. Never leaving. You keep your mouth shut. If anything, you don’t want to ruin your nook.
He, on the other hand, doesn’t tell anyone because they won’t understand his desire to feel like a normal person for once in his life. He never mentions to you that he is in a gang. What he is doing with his brother and friends at night. He never shows you just how violent he can get and this side of him is hidden from you. Rindou likes it this way. This way you are friends with him because he likes vinegar & salt chips, wants to be a DJ and goes to gym every once in a while.
You are not afraid of him and you do not pretend.
He wants to keep it that way.
So he, just like you, keeps you away from his world.
By the end of the summer he learns your name.
part 8.
Despite all your accidental meetings you’ve never bumped into Rindou when he was with his older brother.
Despite that, you feel like you know him already.
Rindou talks a lot about Ran. As it supposed to be, you assume.
You don’t talk about your older sister that much though.
You wonder if Rindou wonders why.
However it may be, he never asks you about that.
“Ran is a pain in the ass.” Says Rindou looking at the small screen of his Nokia 6230. He shoves white phone - every piece of technology he owns appears to be white and you want to ask if it is consciously done - in the pocket of his wide black sweatpants. “He is staying out today”.
The intonation and tone he chooses are suggestive to where his brother might be staying and what he plans on doing. You laugh and don’t press too much. It’s not your business and you are not interested in how Ran spends his leisure time.
“At least he could’ve told me earlier. Kakucho invited me to go to Atami, but he is already on his way and I don’t wanna go on my own all the way there. It’s what… like two hours? Three?”
He says all that in front of the convenience store where you both met some minutes ago. It’s well after six in the afternoon and street lamps are barely emitting any power yet. Soon the streets would be draped in these nostalgic azure lights and the whole Roppongi would come alive while other parts of Tokyo would slowly fall to sleep.
There are no people outside and no cars pass by you two. Your small nook is silent. Even the ventilators of refrigerators at convenience store stopped producing noise. The next thing you know it’s raining. A little drizzle. You sigh. “Wanna come over? I’ll cook.”
“Real homemade food?”
“Yeah. What a stupid question.”
He smiles a bit, thinking to himself that, well, maybe missing out on hot springs in Atami wouldn’t be so bad. He knows for a fact nor Ran nor Kakucho would eat anything smelling so delicious like your food. For a bunch of delinquents without family a plate of soup made specifically for them is a huge deal.
Of course, he doesn’t say any of these. He shrugs, his shoulders going up and down, and takes a huge paper bag with groceries out of your arms.
Together you walk towards your apartment building.
part 9.
You didn’t make soup that evening.
In the role of the guest Rindou took it upon himself to decide what you both should have for dinner. As you guessed before he wasn’t a shy type so feel yourself at home words died on the tip of your tongue the second he took his adidas sneakers off and went ahead of you to the kitchen.
Strangely enough he went in the right direction. Maybe the layout of your apartments were the same. You were neighbours after all.
When you showed up in the kitchen, dressed in your for home shorts and your dad’s old t-shirt, he already stuck up everything you bought earlier in their places and was now patiently waiting for you, playing snake on his phone.
“I think you can make us soba with vegetables. And some chicken too, but I like it without skin”. He said, not raising his head in your direction. He appeared strangely familiar in your kitchen. As if he was there every day.
You nodded, not sure if he was paying any attention to you at all. “I have chicken breasts. Do you prefer enoki or shiitake?”
“Put both. I like both.”
Cooking is not a quick business. Rindo grew bored of watching you doing the same thing with different products and took it upon himself to tour your apartment alone. You didn’t mind. You had nothing to hide. Your paintings, mangas and books were all there was. Doubtful it would be of any interest to him you didn’t worry.
To Rindou it was different. He felt like he was intruding your personal life. Probing himself to become a part of it. If not that accidental meeting and Ran’s spontaneous decision to stay god knows where he wouldn’t be here at all. Looking at your canvases with unfinished paintings woke inside of him a dreadful feeling of unbearable closeness to you.
In all his life he never befriended anyone. All people came and went out as they pleased. Nobody stayed for long. He didn’t give them a reason either and not a single person asked for it.
Nobody made an effort to stay.
Looking at your pencil sketch of the valley full of gentians he already knew he wouldn’t forgive himself if you went away too.
part 10.
“I was in a juvie with Ran”. The confession comes out of him suddenly. He looks you in the face trying to decipher your reaction. There’s none that he could pinpoint. “We got out recently.” He adds as an attempt to fill the silence that lingers around the corner.
You put chopsticks aside and pressing your lips into thin line attempt to guess the motive behind his words.
Why did he say this now?
What is the reason?
Why did he decide to open up now that you having a quiet dinner at your apartment?
You find all the answers in his eyes. They are like amethyst. Blue and pink mixed together in a beautiful peculiar shade that suits Rindou just a little too much. They are intent and pleading. He has decided something for himself while you were busy cooking and what it is he doesn’t let you know yet, but you sure it has something to do with your hasty friendship.
“Why?”
“We beat up the leader of the gang and his vice to take over Roppongi. The vice didn’t make it out alive. Ran might have gone overboard a bit.”
“So it was an accident?” Your words are not of justification, but about stating the truth.
“Pretty much, but I don’t regret him dying.” He waits a moment and then adds. “If I knew the outcome before I would’ve done the same thing”.
The silence that settles between you two is heavy, but not uncomfortable. It changes the inevitable course of your relationship and you both let it do it. Whatever said is said. There is no turning back.
You avert your gaze to the steaming food in front of you and take a deep breath before saying what you want to say. Rindou gets ahead of you interrupting what yet to be said. “Do you think differently of me now that you know it?”
“No.” Your response is immediate. No delays. No hesitation. “Still the same Rindou as before. Some of us have to do fucked up things to survive.”
“Did you kill someone?”
Your laugh fills the room and cracks in his heart that were there because of worry. He is ridiculous, he knows it.
But it’s easy to be ridiculous with you.
part 11.
In the month to come you learn more about Rindou Haitani.
He and his brother are in the gang, but they are by themselves. They rule over Roppongi alone and every single person there is theirs. [This is said in a proud voice and when you ask if you are theirs too since you too now live in Roppongi Rindou goes red. It’s cute.] Their parents are not with them. If they are dead or alive, if they were forced to leave them or abandoned them out of their free will, Rindou doesn’t elaborate. The wound might be still too fresh or maybe it would never heal at all.
After every bit of information he asks you if you are still seeing him the same way. You always say yes.
You open up to him too. You tell him more about Obihiro. Your parents that are married and that there’s no love in that marriage anymore. That you believe your dad has a mistress and that your mother knows and that this is a reason she is so attached to her garden full of roses. She tends to flowers and loves them in a way she can’t care and love her husband.
One evening when Rindou stops by your apartment and sits on the bar stool watching you cook chicken katsu you tell him about your sister. How she got involved with a guy who was in a local gang and that your parents blame him for her drug addiction. It’s a touchy subject and he is the first person you ever discussed this with.
“You don’t think he is to blame?” He asks in an uncharacteristically quiet voice.
“No. I think my sister knew better than this. She was her own person before she met him and after she met him. You can’t blame somebody for a decision you solely made.”
Rindou senses your anger. He thinks [knows] you’ve never been in love.
part 12.
It’s November when you are introduced to Ran.
By this time he’s heard about you [and you yourself albeit muffled by thick glass of balcony door] numerous times. The occasion to meet you never presented itself. Even though it would be a lie from his side if he says he wasn’t dying to meet you. His interest was as high as Fugaku. Not because of you as of you, - he didn’t know you and he’s hardly a curious person - but because of his brother’s soft demeanour and lack of usual disdain he presents around other people. Never you.
It nags Ran more than he would care to admit.
The absence of interest in him from your part was a bit suspicious. It depended on what Rindou had told you about him so it might be just his brother's fault and not your mere disregardless of Ran. Who in their right mind would purposely ignore him?
Their cupboard where they store instant noodles are empty and Ran groans when his palm touches the dusty wood surface. He is tired. And sleep deprived. Too many responsibilities weighed heavy on his shoulders. Last night he returned home around five in the morning and went immediately to bed. His only meal of the day was tuna onigiri he bought at 7/11. It tasted sloppy and rice was not cooked the way he liked it to be cooked. He complained about it all to Rindou who just clattered. To him, onigiri seemed fine. Not the best he had and certainly not worthy to whine about the whole night.
Ran was just being Ran. Now he was starving. His empty stomach churning.
“What did you eat today?” He turned around and suspiciously eyed Rindou who was sitting back to him on their newly bought white sofa watching TV. The show running there was unfamiliar to Ran.
“Rice, two eggs and plum pickles.”
The last time Ran had plum pickles happened a long time ago he couldn’t even remember when exactly, less alone the taste. His mouth watered all the same. The non-bothered expression [he could sense even while looking at Rindou’s nape] on his brother's face only added to his starving agony. “You went out?”
“No. Well… technically yes, but not really.”
Whatever the meaning of Rindou’s answer, Ran doesn’t catch it. He thinks of asking for an explanation, but senses Rin furrowing. Too focused on the jumping screen of the TV. His whole attention focused on a documentary about wildlife of South America. Ran’s mouth sprawls into an oh-i-know-what-you-are-thinking-of-now sly smile when he goes around and catches Rin bite his lower lip. It makes Ran forget about his minor problems. For the next couple of minutes if so.
Teasing his little brother about his new female friend is more important. And fun.
“Why are you being so defensive when it comes to our new neighbour?”
The question is simple, but the devious tone it's being asked suggests it’s more than this. Rin wants to punch his brother, but instead he sighs. He can’t understand why he is being so protective over you too.
“I am not fucking being defensive. It’s your way of asking about her that makes me angry.”
“My way of asking?”
“Yes. It’s like you wanna ask me if we fuck or not?”
“Do you?”
“For fuck’s sake, Ran. No. She’s just a friend.” Rindou rises from the sofa and storms off to his room. He doesn’t forget to slam the door so Ran understands the level of the anger he feels towards him now.
He does.
So, Ran sprawls on the white sofa. Pillows here are so fluffy he might fall asleep for an hour or so. After he wakes up he’ll knock at Rindou’s door and together they will go to the convenience store. Rindou won’t be angry anymore. He’ll whine and complain and maybe won’t speak with Ran for fifteen minutes or so, but eventually he’ll put the whole conversation about you aside.
After all they are brothers and Rindou can’t stay mad at Ran for long.
It goes the same for Ran too.
part 13.
When Rindou warned you about the dark alleys of Roppongi you should’ve listened to him.
But as all people, you too, you believe you are invincible. You believe it won’t happen today or with you. Anybody, but you.
When you go out that night to meet your best friend at Kagurazaka, there’s not a slightest worry in your bones. You chat freely, drink two cocktails on an almost empty stomach - your impromptu dinner with Rindou happened around four and now it was approaching midnight - and politely decline your friend’s invitation to stay over. She doesn’t live nearby, but her house is relatively closer than yours. It doesn’t matter to you.
You want to go home.
You catch the last train. It’s empty. The night is clear and beautiful. The glimmering lights of Tokyo are more than mesmerising. They are surreal. Nothing around you suddenly is real. You have an urge to draw the scenery. You dig into your bag, but there’s no pencil there nor there’s a piece of paper. It's almost like a lost chance, but instead of giving up, you memorise the view. How houses look, their lights, neon banners and small nooks.
High on Tokyo you arrive at Roppongi station. With a picture before your eyes you don’t notice three young men following you home. If you would, you probably would’ve thought better than cutting your way home and instead would've chose the main road. But you don’t and they feel incredibly lucky.
A beautiful girl and a purse with money.
Firstly, they yank your bag and when you don’t give it up easily they push you hard to the ground. You fall on the wet pavement utterly confused. Sharp pain goes through your ribs. You try to stand up, not hearing their mocking laughs and your keys falling to the ground.
It should be humiliating, but you don’t feel humiliated at all. Not even when the hands of one of them goes under your dress. It’s cold and wet and your body starts shaking with anger. You are silent when your first crashes onto his face. The stench of blood is suffocating and the skin on your knuckles brakes with a loud thud.
You doubt they hear it or care about it because one of them slaps you across your face. Your nose bleeds and blood plops down. It brings a salty taste to your mouth. It covers your collarbones and stains your dress. At this moment you know that there’s nothing you can do and that it is better to give up so you run to the convenience store. It’s two blocks away and there’s always a cashier inside. They won't dare to do anything in somebody’s presence won’t they?
It’s a fact that those who attacked you are cowards. Nobody else, but a coward would attack a girl in a dress returning home.
part 14.
Rindou sees you first.
He is without glasses - forgot them somewhere between arguing with Ran and forgetting to grab keys from their apartment - but he can clearly see the blood on your face and clothes. He drops the iced peach tea bottle and storms off past confused Ran.
It’s too late for Halloween parties and he knows you well enough to know that this is not some trickery. It’s the real blood coating very real you. He puts his palms on your shoulders, you are stiff underneath him, but you don’t cry and he takes this as a good sign. “What happened?”
“They…” You stutter, confused expression on your face, you don’t look at him, but between your bodies, at his nike shoes. They are white. As expected. You don’t want to stigmatise them red. “Somebody just attacked me. Three of them.”
“Who and where?” The voice is unfamiliar. He sounds similar to Rindou’s, but is more high and persuasive. Rindou never speaks like that. It might be somebody else.
This somebody else lingers behind his brother. His gaze never leaves your face and despite the situation he finds you very beautiful. There’s something about you that knocks him off immediately and when you raise your eyes at him he knows he is doomed.
Ran being Ran he shows none of it. Neither do you.
“Down the street to the left then again to the left and then to the right.” You explain, ignoring the intensifying grip of Rindou’s fingers clawing at your shoulder blades. “There were three of them.”
Ran flashes you a smile. It’s genuine and you are confused at what exactly is here to smile. “Rin take her home. I’ll be back soon.”
“Do you have it with you?”
Ran smirks. He follows the directions you gave him and disappears under the blue lights of lamps.
Not without showing his baton to worried Rindou. He makes a whole show of it, taking the weapon out of his sweats’ pocket and raising it up so it is visible. He doesn’t turn to look at you to see if you are watching him.
He knows you both do.
part 15.
It’s your first time being inside their apartment, but no matter how much you want to tour it, Rindou shows you into the bathroom. It’s tiny and you pass a small dressing room to get inside wondering why there’s a sink in it, but you don’t get to ask because Rindo tells you to wait a second.
He brings you a change of fresh clothes. It’s black sweats and a grey oversized t-shirt. You want to ask to whom they belong, but somehow you understand they are Rindou’s. He wouldn’t just pass his brother’s clothes like this.
Before getting into the bathtub you examine your body. There are bruises on the left side that mark your skin from where your breasts are and all the way down to your leg. It’s almost like Rindou’s tattoo. You smirk and try not to move much, because once you see the damage it starts to hurt as if your brain only detects what can be seen. Fucking fascinating.
The door to the bathroom is not locked. You remember it when the first drops of hot water fall onto your aching body. You doubt Rindou or his brother would barge in though so you aren’t worried. Methodically, you wash your face, clean your scraped knee and watch blood mixed with water disappear through the drain. Once again everything feels out of place. Your blood, your black painted toenails, scratches and bruises it feels like they aren’t you. Like they aren’t yours. But the hurt reminds you very vividly that this is simply not true. It’s all you.
What happened today happened to you. And there’s nothing you can do about it.
You look around yourself searching for the soap or something else that will scrap this day off you. On the white plastic shelf you notice two soaps, one shower gel and god knows how many hair products. There’s no way to tell what belongs to whom so you take whatever smells better to you.
Inside your head it’s silent. No replaying of the events. Nothing. It’s not that you do that deliberately. You are not sure you possess that kind of will. It’s extremely hard to choose what you want to think about. Thoughts are not like trains. You don’t get to miss some and then hop on the next, because you like it better. You’ll board every single one and live it thoroughly.
Want it or not.
“Did they smack you in the face?”
It’s the first thing Rindou asks when you emerge from the bathroom. He observes you carefully from the bar stool. Better than anybody else he knows what it’s like to deal with strong emotions and unpleasant situations. He is surprised though when you roll your eyes at him and laugh. Shouldn’t you be crying? Or is it that bad you numbed yourself? The sudden alert in his eyes sells you to him.
“They did. And they also pushed me to the ground. I have a huge bruise right here.” You show him where, pointing your hand from breasts to your leg. “Nothing to worry about though.”
He doesn’t understand why you are trying to comfort him when it should be the other way. He sighs. “Get on the sofa I’ll bring you an ice pack and this cream Ran got at the pharmacy the other day. Works like fucking magic. It’ll stop swelling and the colour won’t be so bad.”
You don’t ask him why they have this cream or so many other medicines. It’s pointless. It's common knowledge to you now what they are doing. You sit on the sofa where earlier today Ran took a short nap before he and Rindou went to the convenience store. Just at the right time to meet you. Coincidence or not you are really grateful you saw them there. You tell it to Rindou.
He shrugs. A small smile breaks out on his lips and he sits next to you handing you ice wrapped in two towels. “You would’ve come to me anyway. Even if we weren’t there. Right?”
“Probably yes. I dropped my keys and the trains stopped by now.” You put ice on your face. Gently. It hurts nonetheless.
“Probably.” He mocks you. And then silence feigns over you as he spreads cream for bruising between his palms.
It’s an unusual silence full of words and noise. Neither of you disturbs it. Each listening and hearing what they need to. You take this as a chance to observe the living room and small bits of kitchen. It’s behind you so you don’t turn and look at it afraid Rindou might find it noisey. He obviously wouldn’t.
“Is this your DJ booth?” You ask pointing at a huge table with what looks like a small laptop, DJ’s setups and so many other things you don’t know the proper name of. “I’ve never heard you using it. I bet you can hear it from my apartment”.
He turns around looking at and you find his gaze amusing. He looks at it like a man in love. Then an annoyed expression where his blonde eyebrows are furrowed and lips shut tight grace his features. “It’s because Ran is not allowing me to bring my friends home. Says we are too loud. He only likes it when Kakucho or Sanzu are here. He is not even letting me bring girls home. Says there are love hotels across Tokyo for a reason.”
You laugh and your laugh is contagious because in a couple of minutes Rindou laughs too. It is rare to hear him laugh so wholeheartedly. He is usually most reserved and tries to keep everything to himself. You always wondered if it has to do something with how he was raised and how his older brother affected him? Keeping emotions stocked up inside yourself isn’t a biggie. The problem starts when they are too much and with them you too are getting too much.
To Rindou a way to loosen up and let go is a fight. You suspect just as much, but he never says it out loud. It’s an awful thing to say, he believes.
“Do you mind lifting your shirt up a bit? I warmed the cream for you.”
You do as he asks.
The situation would’ve been awkward would it be insinuated under different circumstances, but neither of you twists the meaning of what he is doing. He just tends to your wounds. In a very moderate and tame way. This is how you learn that despite his harshness and violent commitments, Rindou is a very kind - soft-hearted for his people even - person. It’s a shame you think of him like this only now when he was being like this all the time.
When everything is set and done, Rindou brings you a pillow and a patched velvet blanket. The blanket looks out of his style. All bright with knitted flowers it’s like a white spot was placed on Malevich’s “Black Square”. You realise, there are a lot of details and things you don’t know about him. Today’s events, however damaging they are, bring you closer to each other. Another milestone. And you finally met his brother.
Speaking of whom.
“Would your brother be okay?”
Your sudden question takes him by surprise. He goes to the kitchen and puts the kettle on the stove. He intends to make a green tea for both of you. It will help him calm his nerves down and hopefully ease your headache and stress. The wave of it still hadn’t hit you. It is always the same for most people going through traumatic events. We all postpone the inevitable, bottle up emotions inside us, and on the second day or third week - it doesn't really matter when - do we accept that whatever we went through was real and valid. It happened and we need to live it through one more time before we let it go.
For some people, like Rindou, it never goes away. It builds him. It becomes one with him.
He hopes it won't happen to you.
He hopes you eventually forget all about it.
“Yeah. He is Ran Haitani.” You are yet to comprehend the meaning of the weight Haitani surname carries around Tokyo. Gangs, criminals, delinquents and their world is still uncrossed territory. Whatever you know you know from Rindou and your best friend. Both don’t say much. “Those who attacked you, did they want something else from you too? Did they try to do anything?”
Rindou settles a hot water pot and two cups on the table in front of you. Inside the cups there is dried tea. It smells delicious. Calming and reassuring.
“No. Even if they wanted to, I ran away before they could.” You lie. The print of the hand of the other man on your thigh is one of the few things you could recall. “By the way, these shower gel and shampoo you have, they smell amazing. I’ll buy the same.”
Squinting his eyes, he leans towards you and putting his hand on your head brings it closer to him so he can smell it. “I swear… Don’t tell Ran about it. He is already more cocky than he should be.” He sits back, relaxing on a plush sofa. “Mine is good too. It’s like a…”
“Like a mint.” You tease him.
He scowls. “Drink your tea and try to get some sleep.”
You bite another smile to yourself and do as he says.
Before you fall asleep you see those mesmerising lights of Tokyo.
You remind yourself to draw them.
part 16.
You and Rindou fall asleep before Ran comes home.
It’s almost dawn. The sky is shrugging off the black of the night and dresses in pretty pink, yellow and baby blue. In the city, one needs to go somewhere high to meet the sunrise or sunset. In Tokyo there are numerous locations for city viewing that usually attracts tourists. Because of that Ran hasn’t been to any of them. He thinks, going out for stargazing or to watch sunset or sunrise is stupid, anyway. He prefers to stay in and sleep.
He doesn’t like to be up all night either, but now, returning home he looks up at the sky and for the first time in his life, he might agree he was wrong. It’s gor-ge-ous.
The baton in his right hand is stained with blood. At first when he arrived at the alley where you were supposedly assaulted he got disappointed. No one was there. Drops of blood and your keys along with other stuff like lip balm, spiral hair tie and empty wallet with discount cards and coupons proved to him that he has not been mistaken. It was exactly where everything happened. Just no one was there anymore.
Carefully he picked everything up, checking twice, just so he didn’t miss something. Then, Ran called Sanzu. If you ever need to find someone, Sanzu is your choice.
He and Sanzu found them in an hour. They begged for forgiveness, but Ran was so tired and Sanzu was already so high. Nothing they could’ve said would be of any help. By the end of it all, they gave all the money they took from you and even more. Ran made sure they apologised enough. Pity, you were too far away to hear.
Now, the solemn apartment greets him with background noise only TV could make and Rindou’s soft snoring. Ran takes his shoes off, neatly puts them in the shoe box, places your bag on top of it and goes straight to the bathroom. It reeks of blood and his shampoo. On the tile floor lays your bloody dress. It’s pretty and stylish. Not too girly in his opinion and he likes it, but thinks you chose just the worst day to wear a beige short dress.
He lifts your dress and throws it in the basket where they store their dirty clothes. Doing so has a strange feeling to it. It shouldn’t be that natural. He should be weirded out by your presence in his sanctuary where he is at his most vulnerable and he knows you are here because he feels tiny little needles poking at his body.
Maybe he is just tired.
Or maybe - and Ran is sure it is the real reason - there was something so gut wrenching sweet about your face covered in blood under the neon sign of a convenience store, it was all he could think of since.
The immediate attraction he sensed towards you was now giving him hard times. You were Rindou’s friend. No. You were a very good friend of Rindou and while Ran couldn’t know if his brother liked you - like liked liked you - he could clearly tell that he cared about you so much he didn’t want you to meet Ran.
He fills the bathtub and slides into hot water. His skin is burning but it is a pleasant feeling. From the bathroom he can’t hear if he woken you or Rindou and he hopes he didn’t. He doesn’t have any energy to talk or look presentable or do anything really. What he desires is to fall asleep right here in the bathroom in warm hugs of water. He wishes someone could hug his tired brain the same way.
On his way to his room he can see the glimpse of you. He stops. It’s funny how you sleep where he slept not so long ago today and just now he was taking a bath where you had been taking it. Too, not so long ago.
He shakes his head.
Sometimes he thinks about the weirdest shit.
It’s crazy.
part 17.
Rindou wakes up first. He lets you sleep well past afternoon and when you open your eyes and emerge in his room he gives you back your bag and keys to your apartment.
He says he can’t find your dress anywhere.
He asks how you feel.
“I feel like my body was put through a meat grinder.” You shrug. “Other than that it’s fine. I am gonna go home now and prepare something to eat. You and your brother are welcome to crash at my place later.”
“Ran would appreciate it.”
You nod at him. With a bag in your hands you go home.
part 18.
It’s peculiar how yesterday evening another you was going out of your apartment and now this different version of you crosses threshold again like it’s nothing. You hang your key by the screw near the door, you take your shoes off, sit your bag on the backless stool right by the entrance and go inside.
You don’t lock your door. You doubt bad luck would strike you twice. And to be honest after what happened you don’t feel afraid at all. [Not that you were before.]
The image of night Tokyo is still in front of your eyes and it jumps in your heart alive demanding to be painted right this second. It’s very difficult to tame your creative urges, but you do your best and go straight to your bathroom. To shower and see how much bruising has progressed.
In the pale white light, with purple splotches and scratches your body looks different. It’s you and at the same time it’s not. You observe your reflection closely trying not to miss any detail. You want to remember this version of you. Harmed, but not beaten. But all there is is a strong sense of alienation. You lift your right arm up and the person in front of you does the same. You do the same with your left arm, then you stand on your tiptoes and then you jump and then you turn turn turn until your head feels fuzzy and you fall to the ground.
Afraid, you sneak a glance at the mirror. What would you do if there’s a person in the reflection? The mirror is clean. There is nothing that shouldn’t be there.
You let out a breath.
Everything is good.
Everything is going to be okay.
part 19.
The washing machine is half way through its programme when there's a knock at your door.
“Oi. Why didn’t you lock your door?” It’s Rindou. You can hear him taking his shoes off and making his way to the kitchen. By now he knows your apartment like the back of his hand. “You should be more careful.”
You shake your head, disapproving. “I doubt someone would break into my apartment.” In your hands you form a ball of rice. Large handful. Your already made onigiri lined up on the kitchen table look perfect to Rindou. You however see every bit of essential rice poking out. You sigh and add. “Besides, what would they find here? My canvases? My pastels? My collection of coloured pencils? I don’t even own a TV.”
“You.” He deadpans, stealing a mouthful of shredded tuna mixed with mayo. “Just lock your door. That’s all. Two fillings? Is this one salmon teriyaki?” The spoon he found in tuna goes all the way to the - indeed - salmon with teriyaki sauce and spring onions. He doesn't bat an eye that he is doing something wrong when he puts the spoon back. Instead he looks around. Almost anxiously. He raises up from the table and goes all the way to the pots sitting on the stove. WIth one swift motion he lifts lids and checks what’s inside. He gasps. “Did you make rice with eggs and spam? It’s Ran’s comfort food. He would eat anything now though. He hasn’t had a proper meal in days.”
“He doesn’t seem like a person who would skip a meal.” You mumble, contemplating between taking a new spoon or continue using the one Rindou had so nonchalantly put in his mouth, devouring onigiri fillings.
“I said a proper meal. He was surviving on ready-to-gos.”
“Still better than salt and vinegar chips, I guess.” You shoot him a teasing smile which he warmly accepts with a mocking scowl.
You choose not to change the spoon.
While you continue to prepare dinner Rindou disappears somewhere inside your apartment. Judging by his heavy loud footsteps he is in your bedroom.
There is only one thing he could do there and it’s checking your sketchbook. Earlier today after the quick shower and getting laundry set up you sat down on your bed wrapped in a large towel that felt like a cloud and drew for an hour. Creativity, that art provided you, eased your mind. Soon enough the ache in your mind and body started to fade. In that urban drawing you were sketching, events of yesterday never happened. There, you were never assaulted. You were still on the train going from Kagurazaka to Roppongi. Thinking about nothing and feeling everything.
There, you still haven’t met Ran.
Why you think of him at that moment is confusing. There is no logic behind it. Something somewhere inside of you just brought his being out. Thinking about it, you didn’t even have a chance to properly introduce yourself to each other. You never planned on meeting him so you never thought about how it would go, but still there’s a hint of disappointment that the first time he saw you, you were covered in blood.
The painting in your lap is unfinished. It’s half way through. Or even less. Urban sketches demand a lot of time because of all the tiny details they consist of. Pursing your lips, you look at the drawing, not sure if you like it or want to rip it apart. Abrupt throw - which is Ran Haitani - halt the whole process to an end. You won’t draw a single line today. That much you understand.
Now, sitting on your bed, gazing at your sketchbook, Rindou for whatever reason it may be recognizes not the Tokyo or its lights or its small alleys, but his older brother. Yes, it’s buildings. Yes, it’s street lamps. Yes, it’s hundreds of windows and lanterns of the small alley where in the morning merchants will sell fresh fish, vegetables and street-food. And yet, all he sees is Ran. It’s so evident it knocks him off. He almost has trouble breathing and he so wants to ask you if you did it deliberately. Knowing what you are doing and still doing it on purpose.
He is afraid you might find it stupid because it’s a landscape. And more than anything Rindou doesn’t like to put himself in a situation where someone would think he is stupid. He hates the feeling.
Silently, he closes your sketchbook and places it on your nightstand where he notices a manga. It’s the second volume of “Kagen no Tsuki” by Ai Yazawa. He grabs it and brings it with him to the kitchen where he sits across from you. You are still making onigiri.
“Don’t read it. It’s a really sad story. I cried for days. And every time I reread it, I still cry like the first time.” You warned him noticing the manga in his hands. “I am almost done. Will your brother come soon or do you wanna go fetch him? The food will go cold.”
The reminder of Ran coming from your mouth unsettles him. There is no reason for him to feel this way, but he still does. He clenches the book so much his knuckles go white. If you notice you don’t say anything. “Why do you keep reading it time after time if it’s sad and makes you cry?”
“I guess I love sad stories.” You say simply, licking your lips after. You finish the last onigiri, put it on the plate and rise from the chair. Your body aches, but you stretch anyway. “And it’s Ai Yazawa, Rindou. You can’t help, but return to her stories.”
All of a sudden, a thought that you would never find him stupid, flashes through his mind and eventually he relaxes.
The book slips from his grip.
part 20.
Ran is wearing a dark grey loose knitted sweater - it has the same colour as pavement outside your building - and a pair of baggy black sweats. His hair is tied into two neatly done braids. If you thought Rindou has long hair it’s just because you haven’t seen his brother’s yet. Yellow tails of his braids reach just below his thorax.
They are probably hella long undone.
Ran looks cosy and sleepy. His downturned eyes scan the room almost curiously, but there’s no lively emotions just yet. Until he stumbles at you and Rindou. The corner of his lips tug upward. Just a bit. Then his lips form a shape of “o” as he sees Rindou helping you set the table. Something he hasn’t seen in… forever? Domesticity was a foreign concept to them both.
“The door was unlocked.” He says, leaning on the countertop with his elbow.
Ran looks as if he hasn’t spent a single thought on his looks and came right away as he was. Rolled out of bed and emerged in your apartment. This however couldn’t be true. You’ve seen the enormous variety of shampoo, gel showers and other cosmetic necessities [totally unnecessary for Rindou though] in their bathroom.
Hearing about the door you shoot Rindou a smug glance which immediately sparked an interest in Ran. He has never been with you two together and now seeing you interact so smoothly, in a familiar way, naturally created a lot of assumptions. Were you and Rindou that close?
Despite yesterday's question he could now admit that there was not an ounce of romance between you and his younger brother. Ran almost felt sorry for asking.
“I didn’t lock it because I am here and Ran was coming too.” The tone of his voice is flat like he is explaining the most obvious thing in the world to a two year old. You raise your eyebrows at him and grin, handing Rindou a disk with different kobachis on top of it. It has pickles, onions, and sauces.
“First of all, he could perfectly open it even with it being locked. Secondly, do you always cook so much or is it just because we are here?”
He wants to say something else, but Rindou is quick to interrupt him. “Nah. She’s always like this. She just likes cooking.” You nod at this because it’s true. You do like cooking. Very much. “She also likes drawing. And reading. And flowers.”
These all are true too and you are amazed that Rindou is quick to tell all of your interests. It’s either you are blant or he is very observant and caring.
Unlike his younger brother, Ran doesn’t wander off around your apartment. He stays at your side at all times quietly observing you. The truth is in the small details and that’s why he doesn’t take his eyes off you, noticing every single little one. Those that stood out and those that were well hidden. His act is impulsive and he is not very well aware of it. Rindou is and he thinks that this is why he wanted to keep you off his world.
To Rindou it’s like his brother is tainting you.
At the table they sit across from you. By this time it’s mostly you and Ran speaking. He properly introduces himself and you do the same. Even if there’s no need for you too because Ran is not hiding that he heard about you before. Still it’s a polite thing to do. So you tell him your name, your age and that you came from Obihiro to Tokyo to study law. He jokes that he is good at breaking the law and you both laugh while Rindou rolls his eyes.
“Did you paint it?” Ran asks, showing the picture behind you. It’s an oil painting of Kyoto Temple. There is a lot of green from the trees in front, but even with that the painting looks solemn. Grey stormy skies and dark facade of the temple carry something ominous in it.
“No. My late grandma painted it. I don’t use oil paints. I actually never got to work with them so I don’t know how to control them. I am more into dry materials. And I’ve never been to Kyoto.”
“Like pencils?” Ran is on his second portion of rice with spam. It’s delicious and though he is not a big on eating like Rindou, he can’t stop himself. Everything you cooked melts on his tongue. “I wanna see your drawings.”
“Yeah. Like pencils, pastels, charcoal. Something like that.”
“Since when do you know anything about art?” Asks Rindou. He puts his chopsticks aside and steals onigiri. You assume he took the tuna one, but you can’t be sure because when you were arranging them, Rindou volunteered to help, then mixed up the plates and put everything together. A total mess.
Ran shakes his head as if he is laughing. No sound comes out of his mouth though. He turns to his brother, eyeing him. “I don’t know anything. But! I like fashion and contrary to you Rin I have this natural feeling for…” He stops talking and carefully chooses his next words. “For beautiful things.”
Rindou groans in frustration and covers his face with his hands. Ran laughs. For real this time. His laugh is elegant and light. You can’t decide if it suits him or not. Ran is like a closed book. You can’t read him and you have no idea what is going on inside of his brain. He doesn’t seem like a dangerous person to you and despite knowing that in fact he is pretty much dangerous you have this feeling - call it a premonition - that he won’t ever hurt you. Nonetheless his closeness bothers you. Not to the extent of keeping you on your toes, of course. But still, it’s not the most pleasant thing.
While they bicker you slip out of the table and go to your bedroom. There you grab your recent sketchbook and some older ones. You also bring out the last canvas you’ve done. On it is a half-way finished forest with a shrine. The only coloured part of this drawing is a forest. Everything else is still a sketch. You think you might return to it today. If you aren’t that tired, that’s all.
In the living room Ran polishes off what seems to be another portion of fried rice and spam. Rindou didn’t lie when he said his brother was hungry. They both raise their eyes at you when you enter the room. Munching on the food, Ran is quick to stand up and offer you some help. This is a mere polite gesture from him. Few sketchbooks and a canvas aren’t that heavy. You and him both know that.
And so does Rindou.
He also knows his brother well enough to understand that this action was spontaneous. Something Ran wasn’t really expecting of himself either.
It’s already past ten when Ran finishes looking through your works. He doesn’t compliment them or actually say anything at all. His long fingers skip page after page going through months worth of drawings. When something catches his attention he rests his sleepy eyes on it and studies it for some minutes. Besides furrowing his eyebrows and biting his lower lip, Ran's face remains impassive. Once again you can’t even imagine what goes on inside of him.
Does he like your art or not? Anxiety crawls inside of you.
“When I am rich enough, like a multimillionaire kinda rich, I’ll buy every single one of your art.” Ran says it without raising his eyes at you so he doesn’t catch how you nervously swallow, your throat doing a bulb motion, fingers locked. Instantly after his word the tension evaporates from your body. Why were you so jittery? Opinions of other people rarely touch you in an important way. Let alone about your art. “What is this drawing about?”
Between his thumb and an index finger is your latest sketch. The one you started today. You tilt your head so you can see it better. As if trying to see it through his eyes. [You obviously fail at it.] You take a deep breath before explanation pours from your lips - or your heart. Rindou next to Ran stiffens. He is too interested in this particular sketch. For a different reason than Ran. “When I was returning home yesterday I took the train and I saw this view outside. The train was going slow so I could take a mental picture and I just liked it, I guess. You know, all those lights and side streets, stars. Looked quite memorable.”
He hums presumably agreeing and positions the sketchbook with the drawing on the table, leaning it against your glass full of grape soda. Then, Ran puts his elbows on his knees and props his chin on his intertwined fingers; they look like a bridge. He observes the drawing delicately before he sighs and turns his head to you. “It reminds me of something, but I can’t tell what it is. Can I have it?”
It’s out of character for him to ask permission when the whole evening he was doing what he wanted and giving dismissive orders.
“It’s not done yet, but when I finish I’ll give it to you.”
“Wait a damn second. Why did you never offer me some of your drawings? I want the one with cats.” Rindou is quick to reach out for the old sketchbook of yours. He gives the impression to have memorised their insides by heart as almost immediately he finds what he was looking for. It’s an A4 vertically turned sketch of various cats in the grass. He angles it and pokes at it. “This one.”
“I never offered because you didn’t ask.” You laugh. “You can have it, Rindou. Do you want me to give you a frame for it? I think I have one just in the right size.”
The rest of the evening goes steady and slowly. You cut out the ‘cats sketch’ out of the sketchbook and frame it; indeed you have a frame that fits like a glove. Or does the sketch fit the frame? You have no clue. It doesn’t really matter when for the first time you feel so calm and at peace.
None of you mention yesterday’s event.
None of the boys eye your peeking through your spaghetti strap tank top bruise. Neither of them addresses your slightly discoloured face and an evident rip of the skin under your nose.
They go home at two in the morning.
You give them remaining onigiri for breakfast.
part 21.
You sit on your sofa, legs prompt under you, pencil in hands when you hear the doorbell ring. It’s dark outside, even though it’s barely five in the evening. Winter is almost here. And day by day it gets colder and colder.
Apparently, the chill air eats the daylight away. The allegory appears funny to you.
Today you missed the classes and declined the invitation of your best friend to go on a double date with her brother to Hamarikyu Gardens. You said you might have caught a cold yesterday on your way home. You haven’t told her about the assault and you don’t think you will.
Nothing really bad happened and she would worry in vain. Right or wrong, it is what you believe in the moment. So you keep your mouth sealed tight.
The bell rings the second time. Impatiently. You sense that if you won’t open the door immediately the person on the other side of it would break in regardless. Groaning, you stand up from the sofa and pad to the entrance. Pencil and sketchbook forgotten on the floor.
It’s Ran. When you open the door without asking who it is on the other side you see him, wearing a light coat over a green sweater and black jeans. His outfit looks expensive and well composed. In his hands he holds two paper bags. Those are from the nearest supermarket. He grins when he sees you.
“Do you know how to cook tonkatsu?”
“Did you buy eggs?”
“Yes. Pork, eggs, flour, cabbage, some sauces…” He lowers his eyes down and peeks inside the bags. “Oh! Sangaria Hajikete for you. Mushrooms too. Green onion. I think I forgot noodles.”
“I have noodles and rice at home. Come on in.”
He grins again when you invite him inside your apartment and you can’t help it, but smile back. He hangs his coat near your jacket, takes off his sneakers and follows you to the kitchen where he places bags on the countertop. You help him take out groceries noticing midway how relaxed he is. The confidence might run in Haitani’s genes because Rindou is exactly the same.
As if reading your mind - you can’t be sure he doesn’t possess such power - he informs you on Rindou’s whereabouts. “Rin is with Kaku at the gym. You know those guys that would rather live at the gym than at their house? Those are them.”
“Rindou told me he likes exercising. I mean at least it’s healthy, right?” You take the meat out of the container and rinse it in the sink. From the corner of your eyes you see Ran reaching out for the plate where you could put the meat later. Somehow it didn’t cross your mind. “Thank you. And what do you like to do in your free time?”
“Sleeping. Napping. Shopping.” He helps you lay the meat by bringing the plate closer to you. “And barging into apartments and making girls cook for me.”
“Funny.” You do actually find it funny. Not as a poor joke itself, but rather as a lame excuse for flirting. If he even considers it flirting. “Okay, now while I'm doing the meat would you take over chopping vegetables? It's not hard at all.”
“Do I look like a person who can’t cut vegetables?”
He raises his eyebrows at you and for the first time you notice their colour. Blonde. You almost ask him about why he decided to dye his hair half-half, but hold yourself back. Even if he welcomed himself into your house, even if he is acting as if you know each other for a long time and even if he is Rindou’s brother, you can’t just ask him whatever you want.
Ran, of course, thinks otherwise.
He thinks the silence you keep is because of his eye colour.
“They are amethyst like. Rindou’s are more on the lavender side.”
“What?
“Why were you staring at me?”
“Your eyebrows are blonde. I was thinking you would look good with blonde hair.”
His eyes go wide and then he grins for the third time this day around you. Ran shakes his head in amusement and fishes out of the drawer long silver knife. He checks it with his finger to see if it’s sharp enough. He takes his time to choose the right knife. One might think he has an opinion on them. You give him the cutting board. He probably knew where they were stored too. You are not worried about it. He might have memorised everything from yesterday.
“I don’t think I’ll ever go fully blonde again.” He confesses after some time. You turn to him waiting for what he has to say. Ran’s full focus is on cutting green onions - you must admit he does it easily, every chop is neat and of the same size - when he resumes. “When I killed that guy my hair was blonde and long. They shaved everything off at juvy. I hated it. Gladly my hair grows out fast.”
There’s almost nothing to say without probing further on this unsettling topic. Rindou told you about it just once and then you’ve never returned to it. There was no need and it was evident that Rindou didn’t like to talk about it. Nor did he particularly speak a lot about their days at juvy. Everything was brief. But one thing you remember clearly. Rindou said they killed them when Ran said that he did it.
Despite your attempt to remain neutral you frown.
“Rindou told you we did it together, didn’t he? He always presents it like we did it together, but in fact it was me. I knocked out the captain with one blow and then I killed the vice. You couldn’t recognize his face. It was Rin who told me to stop. All he did was just hold him down and maybe dislocate one or two joints. Rin is hella strong.”
“Yeah he likes to prove it all the time. Opening all jars, bottles. You know.”
In fact, Rindou is a caring person and he does all of this not to validate himself, but to help. Nonetheless, the warmth spreads in his chest everytime you tease him that he likes to appear strong.
But today it’s not about Rindou. It’s about Ran and so he asks the obvious. “Aren’t you scared of me?”
“No. Why would I?” You bring out three small bowls and fill them with flour, eggs and breadcrumbs. Thoughtful Ran brought them made so you didn’t need to crumb the bread. “And my point still stands. I think you’d look good with blonde hair.”
She’s unbelievable, he thinks, and the feeling he had the night before only intensifies. This small premonition of love haunts him, but try all he wants, he can’t shake it off. It’s already made a nest inside of him. Like a little lost bird who neglects his lame excuse of a heart.
“I have old pictures. I’ll show them to you.”
“Sounds good. Now grate the cabbage. I’ll deal with the meat.”
He only hums in response.
In thirty minutes everything is ready. Ran is more helpful in the kitchen than Rindou, who leaves you alone and spreads on the couch going through your manga or book, is. It might be because Ran is older and he needed to take care of his younger brother all this time. It’s unknown since when they started to live on their own and where their parents are and if they had them in their lives at all. Rindou had never breached the topic so naturally you thought that he avoided it. Those memories got to be the most painful ones.
You set the table alone. It’s a monotonous task. Bring the cutlery, plates, place all the food and glasses. Nothing too difficult. It bores you a bit. From the living room you can hear Ran speaking on the phone with Rindou. He told you he’d give him a call to tell him everything is ready. His voice is muffled and you have no desire to eavesdrop on them. Privacy is privacy even inside your apartment.
The steam coming off tonkatsu makes it appear all the more delicious. You contemplate stealing a piece to try if it’s as tasty as it looks, but assume it will ruin the whole composition of nicely laid out meat you spent a good ten minutes arranging. Shredded cabbage seems fresh and savoury too. You wonder if you are just too hungry or it’s been ages since you’ve had tonkatsu and that’s why it looks so delicious.
You are glad Ran stopped by.
“You know how I wanna name this sketch?” He stands at the entrance of the kitchen - a place where the living room and small dinery are connected; a safe-zone - holding the sketchbook you left on the floor when he rang the doorbell. “Koi no yokan.”
“A premonition of love?”
All of a sudden it seems fitting. The best name anyone could think of. Honest and raw. Just like your sketch. Just like you. Just like Ran. In front of each other without embellishments.
“Yeah.” He nods, coming closer with a sketchbook still in his hands. His eyes widened in surprise as if he wasn’t preparing dinner with you. “It smells too good. Let’s eat. Rin said he will be late. They just started on the second set of whatever the name of that machine was.”
At the dinner table you sit in front of each other and just like yesterday Ran devours everything he lays his eyes upon. You both chat freely and effortlessly. It’s you who does most of the speaking and he who asks all the questions. Ran learns a lot about you. He discovers he loves it even.
At last, he asks. “Do you wanna know what happened to those guys?”
“No, but thank you. You didn’t need to do that, but yet you still did.”
“Sanzu was with me.”
“Who?”
“Nevermind. Maybe I’ll introduce you one day. Do you like burgers? We could make some tomorrow. What time will you be at home?”
“I am not planning to go anywhere. So anytime. And yes I love burgers.”
He winks at you. “Noted. I’ll bring everything you don’t need to buy anything.”
Smile graces your face and you take a sip of grape soda he bought just for you.
It tastes more delicious than ever. You can’t help, but wonder why.
part 22.
Of course, the very next day Ran is at your door again. As promised.
He carries grocery bags and behind his rather broad shoulders, you can see Rindou’s blond hair pulled up in a messy bun peeking at you. Ran grins, pushing forward as he welcomes himself in your apartment. Rindou rolls his eyes, fascinated at both - how cosy and comfortable Ran is with you just after your second meeting and how cosy and comfortable you are with him.
But then, there’s nothing too unanticipated. Ran’s charisma and charms are well-known all over Tokyo. He is very handsome too which only ever worked in his favour. And, more importantly in Rindou’s opinion, Ran’s is not gloomy. If anything, his usual expression is a beautiful mixture of melancholy and sadness that seems to make every girl fawn over Ran.
Not that Rindou ever had any problems with girls. He is Haitani after all. They will always remain popular.
What you don’t know and haven't seen yet is that Ran is an absolutely vicious person. He can be cruel without limits. A lot of times, in fights, it’s Rindou who stops him. He believes - and rightfully so - he is the only one who can. Once raged and challenged Ran doesn’t know the limits.
Not that Rindou is any better.
They just maintain control over each other like brothers should.
After burgers, comes mentaiko pasta and after it ramen and then gyoza - which Ran surprisingly can seal very well and Rindou once again for the thousand-ish times in his life feels lesser than his almighty older brother is - then some other western dish and then it’s just an insanely delicious food carousel neither of you can remember.
Once Ran brought some old photographs he had. Looking at them Rindou had a vague disorienting ache that transmitted that he was looking at strangers. There were their old friends. Them before juvie. Other people and the same places in Roppongi that now were again theirs. All his life everything Rindou was dreaming was to be like Ran and then own Roppongi, a place they called home. But as Ran passes pictures to you, explaining what is forever imprinted on them and who all those people are [some of them are dead despite being so young; and now they’ll forever remain so] Rindou feels sudden abruption of everything he holds dear to him.
Was it all really worth it? Does he like what he does? Aren’t all his goals and envisions for the future of those small bulky boy in the picture, but not him as of now? Would he always follow Ran?
Yes. Yes. No. Yes.
He chants as a mantra.
One day, late at night, after another delicious dinner at your place, Rindou is sprawling on the sofa when Ran wrapped in a towel shows up from the bathroom. They look at each other and the excruciating thoughts going on inside Rindou’s head are so evident they appear to Ran like neon signs. Bleeding. Ran loves his little brother so he asks first knowing that Rindou would never dare to approach the topic first. At least not today. “What?”
“What do you mean what?” Fends off Rindou sitting up. His glasses slide down over his nose to his lips and Ran bites down a laugh.
His little brother. His own flesh and blood. “I know what you want to ask so ask away and stop tormenting yourself.”
“What is the point of me voicing it if you know what I wanna ask anyway?”
Ran sighs and sits opposite of him, spreading his arms on the sofa’s back and crossing his legs. He rests his head on one of his arms, tilting it at an awkward angle that just looking at him makes you feel uncomfortable. “Because I want to hear it from you.”
“Can you promise me not to do anything with her?”
Who is her goes without saying. It’s you.
Before answering Ran shrugs, licking his insanely perfect white teeth and tilting his head backwards, he closes his eyes, sighing. “Why?”
“Because we don’t have a lot of trust-worthy nice people around us, Ran. I don’t want to end up choosing between you and her, because the choice is fucking obvious. Let’s keep it friendly coded.” Rindou sounds desperate. His words are crude and raw and honest. He calls out to his brother, already knowing, that whatever plea he invokes it’s lost in the vast void of Ran’s feelings. Rindou is confused, but he wouldn't be who he is today, if not for his ability to stand his ground. So he takes a deep breath and continues. “Listen, Ran, do you think it’s safe to date? Like we are not what we were before when it was just fucking around and punching randoms outside. Tenjuku is serious. Izana is fucking serious. Shion is a mad fucking dog and Kanji is crazy. Sanzu is only behaving when he sniffs a line. Out of them only Kaku and Koko are the only…”
“Rin.” Ran raises a hand to stop his brother. He sits straight and for a very long time looks at Rindou without saying anything. He searches for the right words and then his mind is going blank because all he knows is that there’s something rotten inside of you. And Ran wants to carve it out. He saw it the first time you two met face to face the night you were assaulted. From that day all he wants is to tug at your insides, clean what hides behind your ribs, reach your soul and make it his. Make you pure and perfect again. He has no idea how to communicate all of this to Rindou so he says the most blatant shit neither of them believes, but they both eat it up anyway. “I wasn’t planning on doing anything. And most definitely I wasn’t planning on dating her or anybody else.”
“Good.” Rindou purses his lips and his face loses all its colour. His tan is not helping him a bit. “Thank you.”
They sit not moving or speaking for a little bit, settling in a comfortable usual silence. Ran looks at the table in front of him and Rindou stares at the huge floor to ceiling window. He can’t see shit from his place. Just a bit of neon lights and the building across. Better than nothing. Those simple things keep his mind occupied until he hears Ran standing up. He turns his head in his direction and catches a towel slipping down Ran’s hips. Rindou screams.
“Why. Is. This. Shit. Always happening to you? Are you doing it on purpose?”
“Why are you always reacting like you’ve never seen it? We go to sento every other week.”
“Doesn’t mean I wanna see your dick! It was a fucking jumpscare!”
Ran grins. “Big and scary?”
“Don’t be fucking stupid. Go put some clothes on.”
The atmosphere shifts and suddenly everything is back to normal.
They both love each other very much.
part 23.
The desire not to let his world incorporate you fails. The fall is sudden, not expected at all and Rindou thinks it was him who jinxed you all, because once you get obsessed with something - in both ways, negative and positive - it will for sure crawl its way into your life.
That’s why when Ran points at your back asking Rindou if his eyes are not lying to him and it’s really you, he is not surprised. Perhaps he was even expecting something like this to happen. Just not so soon.
It’s the middle of December. The weather is so cold and windy you feel it in your bones. At least it’s not snowing and roads are walkable. Not that Rindou or Ran walked. They both arrived in Ran’s new Honda NSX-R he bought second-hand not long ago. Though he never cared for cars, his white slick Honda became his obsession. He doted on it more than he ever had on any other thing. Besides Rindo, that’s it.
The small, but still spacious club in Roppongi is full with people. Loud music hits every wall and then gets back to the middle of the dance floor, shaking everything that gets in the way. The floor is constantly vibrating and the smell of alcohol is so sharp it intoxicates even those who aren’t drinking, boosting the wild environment. People dance and drink, most of them being underaged, but because they are part of one or the other gang, they are in.
You are not the one to complain though. You got in only because of your best friend’s brother.
From where they stand - a VIP zone - Rindou can’t really see if it’s you, but his gut feeling tells him yes. He knows for a fact that you were supposed to go out today and now he regrets he didn’t ask for details. Maybe somehow he would've talked you out of it or not show up himself. Half of the Tenjiku are here and what is the worst of all S-62 generation too. Except for Izana, but he was never big on clubs or parties.
Would it be too impolite to not greet you? Would you even notice that? Have you noticed them at all?
Neither of them can say. Communicating only with their eyes, Ran urges his brother to follow him. He is both intrigued at what are you doing at famously delinquents only club - not that ordinary normal people are never here - and why are you doing chatting up Toman members. So he pushes forward to you through the crowd. Rindou is closely behind him.
When they approached your group, the smile from everybody’s faces vanished. Haitani brothers are never good news. It seems everybody knows that, but you, because you grin and a bit tipsy you give your hand out to Ran. He laughs, his laugh is velvety as usual, and shakes your hand for longer than needed.
Now everyone's eyes are on you.
“I didn’t know you would be here!” You say surprised, clearly happy to see him. Much to his delight and your friends' confusion. “Is Rindou here too?”
“Yeah, of course he is. I saw you from there.” Ran slightly turns his body and shows you where he and Rindou have been up most of the night. You listen to him attentively, focusing really hard on what he says and lean a bit closer when you can’t hear him. “... decided to say hi. For how long are you gonna stay here?”
The answer is lost on your tongue because Rindou, clearly pissed, shows up right in front of you. His cheeks are slightly pink. It might be from alcohol or from the heat of enclosed space with so many people in it. That you too can feel.
Rindou waves at you and glares at Ran. You laugh at their interaction. You’ve never been out with them both before rather than at your convenience store near the house and seeing them behave exactly like you are used to when they are at your place or you are at theirs is pretty relaxing.
“Those are my friends. My best friend is here and this is her brother.” You introduce your company having no idea that they already know each other. “And this is Ran and Rindou. We are neighbours and really good friends.”
Neither of them shake hands or smile at each other. The tension that fills the air is tangible. It’s slicky and warm. You want it gone. Puzzled you look from Ran to your best friend’s brother and then to your best friend who shrugs her shoulders. Lastly you look at Rindou whose eyes are not angry anymore, but sorrowful. You frown and step closer to him, wanting to ask what’s going on, but Ran speaks first.
“It was nice to meet you. You all have fun.”
With that he waves at you and disappears into the crowd. Rindou, not saying a word, goes after him, throwing a haste look at you.
He thinks what just happened was fucking embarassing.
part 24.
This club is a neutral territory - it’s in Roppongi so informally it’s controlled by the Haitani brothers - but misunderstandings still happen.
Neither of your friends said much to you after Rindou and Ran left. Two questions asked were how did you know them and if you were close. That’s all. The party continued and the gloomy face your best friend’s brother wore for a short time dissolved under the influence of alcohol.
You tried to search for either of the brothers scanning with your eyes the dance floor, the bar and the DJ booth. Nothing. The VIP zone was closed off and no matter at what angle you looked you couldn’t see past its dark curtains.
Sudden encounter left you with a bitter taste. You felt like you did something wrong. Said something that you weren’t supposed to say or acted in an unexpected way that everybody hated. The cruel flavour of iron is strong in your throat. Distress doesn’t depart from you the whole evening.
The fight that happens that night inside of the club is almost fatal. You didn’t see much of it starting, but music comes to a halt and then lights are on and it’s blinding and the shouts and sound of skin being ripped and crushing bones are speaking for themselves. Some people rush out of the doors which causes a massive panic. Somebody is calling the police and then when this fact is made public the panic intensifies.
You freeze clutching your best friend’s hand. She hurriedly speaks to her brother, nodding her head when he responds. There’re shouts from everywhere and people are rushing by you to the exit. Everything and everyone falls to silence when a guy jumps off the stairs to where the fight is happening - in the middle of the dance floor. He is around the same height as Ran and might be the same age or close. What catches your eyes is his tattoo. It goes all the way from his temple to his neck. The V-neck sweater he wears is perhaps on purpose so everyone can see it. Just as the shaved left side of his head.
“It’s Shion Madarame, one of the Heavenly Kings.” Now that it’s so silent you can hear your best friend’s brother whispering it. “We need to get out. It’s gonna get really violent.”
That is when you notice that the entrance is blocked. Nobody’s moving or speaking or perhaps even breathing. Everyone’s attention is on Shion.
“Whatcha you guys think you were fucking doing?” He spits at the floor before pulling out metal brass knuckles. He puts it on his right hand almost teasingly. So lazily, his every move seems to be captured in slow motion. He laughs when he raises his head and sees pure animalistic fear spreading on the faces before him. Adrenaline is kicking high.
Those two guys that started the fight are no longer opponents. They might even forget what they were fighting about.
When Shion without any warning lands a fist to the first guy's chest, the poor creature flies to the wall behind him hitting people standing there. This guy is taller and more muscular than Shion, but still he doesn’t fight back even when Shion straddles him and punches his face. Nobody really does anything. They all watch and watch and watch. Violent smell of blood evaporates every other.
Somebody cries.
The fight - which in all honesty is not a fight at all, but a massacre since no one stops it or intervenes and neither of the boys show any resistance - turns into killing. From where you stand you can’t see the details and now you wonder what those two unlucky boys looked like. You can’t tell and probably none will in two months or so; the damage Shion has done to their face is beyond recognition.
You spot Rindou sitting on the stairs. Ran stands next to him twirling the baton in his hands. He is talking to some guy you see for the first time. They all are unbothered by what’s going on beneath them. Rindou is the only one who intently observes every move of Shion. But it doesn’t seem like he is regretful or anything like that. He scrutinises every move with a purpose of remembering it so he can use it against someone else later. That much is evident.
The guy next to Ran has a buzz cut and huge peculiar scar that you think he might have earned in some fight. Receiving it for sure hurt like hell. It doesn’t make him appear ugly though. This guy looks almost gentle. Especially when he smiles at something Ran said. You wonder what in this situation might seem funny to them, but then you have no clue what they are talking about.
Soon, another guy with long white hair shows up on the stairs. He wears a mask and you can’t see his face, but he seems young. Younger than you. He too is obviously in a gang. Masked as he is, he shoves himself in between Ran and the guy with a scar and says something. Rindou hears it as he turns his head into their direction.
“Shion! That’s enough. Let them be.” Ran gets down the stairs and stands behind Shion’s back who continues punching the guys as if he is not hearing Ran. Probably he is not. The excitement in his body is too much; it clouds every other feeling. “Shion! Stop! Police are on their way. Come on. It’s enough.”
Still, nobody moves. Nobody tries to escape. The next thing you know is Ran raising his baton and the sharp sound of air sliced in two fills the club. He strikes a couple of times. That much you counted, but it got to be more, because blinded with rage Shion throws himself at Ran.
Rindou is quick to assist his brother as well as the guy with the scar. The only one who remains on the stairs is the guy with the mask. You hear the baton working again and then Shion is screaming. Ran laughs.
“Come to your fucking sences, Madarame.” Spits the guy with the scar and then he turns to the crowd. “What are you all still doing there? Get those two to the ER and… Shit!”
His last words are lost in the noise of the police siren and people shouting. Whatever that paralysis was, it's now gone. Everyone is pushing and kicking again. You hold your friend’s hand for dear life. It’s easy to lose each other.
Somebody’s hand is on your shoulder when you are halfway to the exit. You think that someone mistook you or was just grabbing you to remain on their feet. However the person tugs you at them and annoyed you look back to see who it is.
It’s Ran.
He says something and you shake your head indicating that you can’t hear him. Not with what’s going on around you. It’s a mess. He visibly sighs, his chest going up and down. He then steps forward and says something to your best friend’s brother. They exchange some words quickly and then you all are led back from where you came by Ran.
Hand in hand he takes you through the personnel area to the emergency exit.
Outside it’s colder now than when you came. You shiver and he looks at you. His eyes inspect every bit of you as if he wants to make sure you are okay. You are. He seems satisfied by it.
“We all should be going. How did you come here?” He again speaks to the brother of your best friend.
“By car.”
“Good. Get your girl and friends and get going.” Ran turns to the left where his own car is parked in the distance. Your hand still lays in his. Without second thought you go after him.
No one thinks of correcting him that the girl is his sister not his girlfriend. No one cares.
Police sirens are getting closer when your best friend speaks up. “Isn't she coming with us?”
Ran stops, confused, he looks at you and then at your friends as if he doesn’t understand why she is even asking that. “No. We are neighbours. I’ll take her home.”
“Did you even ask her?” It’s your friend’s brother. There’s irritation in his voice. You’ve never heard him speak like that to anyone.
“Are you trying to pull this Toman noble cavalry shit on me now?” You see the baton for the second time today. It has red stains on it. He stretches his hand with it pointing at your friends. “Cause I am really tired and not in the mood to…”
“It’s okay.” You intervene by putting a hand on Ran’s wrist. “It’s okay. I don’t mind going with Ran. I trust him. You have nothing to worry about.”
There’s another smug expression of satisfaction on Ran’s face. His body relaxes and he drops your hand. Without saying anything he lazily goes to his car, unlocking the door for you first. You get inside.
As you pass by your friends you give them a wave and they nod at you.
Everything seems to be okay.
part 25.
After fifteen minutes in Ran’s car you notice that he isn’t in fact taking you home.
You were busy looking at his car, its leather interior, the busy lights of Tokyo and Ran himself.
“I am taking us to my favourite ramen place. It’s a bit too far, but they serve the best shoyu ramen and are open 24/7. Me and Rin are regulars there.” It’s Ran who breaks the silence first. His voice is soft and he is back to being Ran you are used to hanging out with. Confident and firm, and almost a little bit gentle.
“How is Rindou going to get home?” You ask what worries you the most. “Will he be safe?”
“Totally. He’ll stay with Kaku. You probably saw him today. The guy with a scar?”
“Oh. Yes.”
“He got it in an accident when he was a kid. Kakucho is the coolest. He might seem scary, but he is very loyal and even kind.” You stop at the red light and Ran looks over at you, you who is staring at him. “Were you afraid today?”
“No.”
“No?”
“Were you afraid when you met those bastards in the alley?”
“Not really.”
“Not really?”
“Yes.” He is clearly waiting for more explanation, because it’s not normal to not being afraid. Everyone would be afraid. You both understand as much. You sigh, crossing your hands around your chest and straighten up in the seat. You look at the road ahead when you start to explain. “My sister’s boyfriend is in the gang. They aren’t just simple motorbike gangs that are fooling around, throwing punches and you know the rest. They are full on criminals. He got my sister on drugs. She overdosed five times. He got her pregnant too. She aborted the kid. And I’ve seen him and his people doing worse than Shion did to those guys today. These all are not new for me. I’ve seen it before.”
Ran hums. His long fingers caressing the leather of the wheel. He accelerates, rushing forward before traffic lights change. A few cars that are on the streets at this hour irritatedly honk after you. Inside the car the outside world gives the impression of decorations. Nothing seems real. You get this feeling for the second time.
Once on the train and now again. With Ran in his car.
“How’d you know Shion’s name?” Ran asks, his attention again on you. Whatever he was thinking shoved aside.
“Everybody was whispering his name when he jumped on the dance floor. Are you in the same gang?”
“You can say so.”
“And the guy with the mask too?”
“His name is Sanzu and yes he is in Tenjiku too.”
“He seemed young.”
“He is sixteen. Two years younger than you and Rin so don’t brag.”
You scoff and Ran smiles. Then he gets serious. You sense it with every pore of your body. His car is a sport type - or so you think - and there isn’t much space. It’s comfortable though. You aren’t feeling confined or trapped. But that must be just Ran. His mood is transmitted well enough. That too, however, must be just Ran.
“I might come off as a hypocrite, but they are toxic to each other. I don’t know how it’s in Obihiro, but here in Tokyo every other guy in a gang I know, treats his woman well if they have one. Those who aren't, they don’t have a girl. Shion for once. He fucks around, but nothing serious. Girls who are with him know they aren’t forever. Are they still together? Your sis and that guy. What position does he hold in the gang?”
“They are or at least they were when I left. She doesn’t speak about him much, because I hate him and throw my hands at him every time he is in my way.” You stop, suddenly remembering how once you slapped him in the face in front of everyone in your school. He didn’t lay a hand on you, said some stupid shit about how fierce you are, hopped you sister on his Kawasaki and left. You were small and that’s why you believe he didn’t hit you. You weren’t sure he wouldn’t now, but maybe you just never knew him at all. You roll your head on the headrest and look at Ran. “He is some kind of executive or so I heard. I have zero clue about hierarchy and how it goes in the gangs. What position do you and Rindou hold?”
“I am one of the four Heavenly Kings and Rin is my second-in-command. Kakucho and Shion are the other two and then we have Mochizuku, but you haven’t seen him yet.”
Yet.
Ran parks the car outside of the small shop. You have no idea where you both are. You’ve never been to this part of Tokyo. It’s very peaceful here. There are no people outside and the buildings around show no sign of their inhabitants being awake at this late hour. In front of the shop, just a couple of metres away you spot a middle aged man with bright red tenugui tied around his head. The man is smoking sitting on his hunches. When he sees Ran’s car he smiles wide and stands up, waving his cigarette at him.
The conversation is lost and you are somewhat happy about it. Discussing Tenjiku with Ran, you crossed the line Rindou so carefully built and guarded. It almost feels like a betrayal of some sort. You still were much closer to Rindou than to Ran. Wouldn’t it be more right to discuss all these with him and not Ran?
Whatever is right or wrong doesn’t matter anymore. You all don’t belong in the world where it does.
Inside the ramen shop it’s warm and the smell of broth fills your nose helping you realise how hungry you really are. What alcohol you had at the club is out of your system, but the after starvation it always brings is here. You wonder how amazingly our bodies work and how it can sober up and get rid of any influence when a dangerous situation is inflicted upon it. Amusing.
The man happily chats with Ran and you follow them both to the distant booth in the back of the room. It’s closed off and has a curtain for privacy. Another VIP zone.
“You sit here. I’ll be back in a minute.”
With that you are left alone. Not for long. After a couple of minutes Ran returns with a menu, a bottle of sparkling water and a grape soda. He puts soda and a menu with a pencil in front of you and sits on the red and brown leather couch opposite you. The menu is one of those where you need to check what and how you want your food to be done. You take a pencil in your hand and read, your eyes following different variations of ramen they have here.
“Order tonkotsu ramen. You’ll like it.” Recommends Ran. He opens the bottle of water and takes a very long sip. “Even the water here is god-like.”
“Isn’t it Suntory?”
“It is, but it’s more delicious here. Wait until you try their ramen and you'll understand what I am saying.”
Naturally, when ramen arrives and you make a first sip of the broth, Ran is looking at you expectantly. You try noodles, pork belly, onions and enoki mushrooms - you put those additionally because when you came upon them in the menu you suddenly realised you were craving them - on its own. And then you try everything together. The taste is rich. It is delicious.
You look at Ran and nod your head, smiling.
“Told you. The best ramen in Tokyo. It’s sad they do not make Mont Blanc here. The Mont Blanc I like is in another part of Tokyo.” He pouts.
“We can try to make it at home if you want.”
“Really? You can make Mont Blanc at home?”
“Ran, you can make anything at home. Like literally anything.”
He grins at you thinking he might marry you right here on the spot.
He doesn’t say it out loud. Instead he closes the curtain and indulges in his shoyu ramen. And your company.
part 26.
On the 24th of December you leave for Obihiro. Your parents are excited you are coming and for once they seem like a proper family when you call them beforehand to inform what time you’ll arrive home.
Rindou is the one to take you to the bus station.
“You shouldn’t have made all this food for us.” He tells you when you sit on the bench near your bus. Your small luggage at your feet. “And you went out and made this insane dessert for Ran. He is totally not worth it.”
You laugh, but your laugh is sad. You don’t wanna leave. “I made twelve of those. Each day I’ll be missing. And I made all this food so it won’t smell like salt and vinegar chips on our balcony. You gotta eat normally, Rindou. And I also left gifts for you two.”
His eyes widen. He adjusts his glasses on the bridge of his nose. “You are way too kind to us. Do you know when was the last time someone gifted us something? Never. You shouldn’t have.”
“It’s in the small bag. I wrote your names on top of it. Shoot me a message if you like it.”
The lady on the speaker announces boarding for your bus. You stand up, take your small bag and together with Rindou you stand near the door not ready to say goodbye just yet. He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it and whatever he wants to say stays imprisoned inside of him. [Forever].
You hug him and he hugs you back.
Without saying another word to each other you get inside the bus.
He doesn’t leave until your bus is out of sight.
part 27.
You celebrate New Year with your parents and your sister in the warm family house in Obihiro. You all exchange gifts, watch fireworks and take a lot of pictures. Your absences united your family the way your presence never could.
After the dinner, you and your sister go to visit the shrine as you do every year when your phone beeps.
It’s a message from Ran.
my favourite place to eat mont blanc is now your place. can't wait for it to be open again.
haha. i’d say you are cute if i didn’t know you.
i think i am pretty much cute and handsome
btw i like the drawing you did of me
rin is so jealous
tell him he should take me out somewhere and if the atmosphere is right i’ll draw him too
can i message you later? me and my sister are visiting the shrine
i won’t tell him that
ofc. be safe. happy new year.
happy new year ran
Rindou calls you later. He says you shouldn’t listen to Ran and he liked his sweater all right. He says he bought you something too, but no matter how much you begged him to say what it is he wouldn’t tell you. You promise to message him the time you arrive so he’ll pick you up and then he hangs up.
You miss them too.
[Ran messages you exactly fifteen minutes after Rindou’s call. You are still at the shrine and your sister isn’t happy you are on you phone again, but you still reply to him. Every time he messages you do.]
#ran haitani#ran x reader#ran x y/n#ran x you#ran#haitani x reader#ran haitani x y/n#ran haitani x reader#ran smut#haitani ran imagines#haitani brothers#tokyo revengers#tokyo rev x reader#tokrev#ran scenarios#ran haitani scenarios#ran fluff#rindou haitani#tokyo rev x you
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This was a prompt I don’t entirely understand, but I’m trying!
Koi no yokan - Ithaqua x reader
Pairing : modern au! Ithaqua x reader
This is in a modern au in which the reader and Ithaqua are online friends who are about to meet (potential part 2?)
Koi no yokan: the feeling that you will fall in love with someone upon the first meeting.
….
Ithaqua sits down on his bed, slowly dialing your number to call. The two of you have been friends for a while, and these calls were an almost daily ritual. “(Name), hi!” He exclaims as soon as you respond to the call, with energy akin to a golden retriever. “Hi! Are you doing well?” You ask him, sitting on your own bed as well as you listen to him speak.
“I’m so tired, I finally got Nathaniel off my back for long enough to call” he laughs, loading up a video game to play with you while the two of you call. “He’s so obnoxious, I wonder how we’re even related sometimes” you laugh and enter the game as well, loading up and beginning a game with Ithaqua.
“Gosh, this level is hard” you whine, listening to Ithaqua cursing under his breath as the two of you struggle to beat the level you two have been on, both of your characters dying multiple times. After hours of playing, the two of you log off, still on call with each other. There’s silence for a few moments before you blurt out.
“How would you feel about the two of us meeting someday soon, Ithaqua?” You ask, staring at your ceiling as you try to fight off sleep. Ithaqua’s shocked by your question, taking a few moments to answer. “I’d like that.. but how would that work out?- wouldn’t you need to get plane tickets and all, (name)?” He can hear you chuckle on the other line before you answer “I’m sure I’d be able to manage some plane tickets, Ithaqua.” He smiles, sighing in relief as he quickly responds. “Then it’s a plan, we’ll meet soon.”
Over the next few weeks before your arrival, you still talk as normal. Though, Ithaqua feels a strange sense of nervousness whenever he thinks about the prospect of you coming to meet him. It’s not fear of you, nothing of the sort. Instead, it’s a fear that when he saw you for the first time, he’d fall in love. You two were best friends and had been for years, though he has no idea how you look, no idea if you’re the same person you are online in person. He worries that if you are the same, he’d fall for you and he’d fall hard.
The days go by slowly and he continues counting them, eventually making it to the day you two meet up in person. When he walks to the airport, Ithaqua can feel his hands shaking. The two of you don’t recognize each other for a few moments, until you run up to him with a smile. “Ithaqua?” You ask and Ithaqua nods, quickly wrapping his arms around you, which you do as well.
“It’s so nice to meet you in person!” You squeal, hugging Ithaqua so tightly he feels as if he’s going to burst. Eventually you two pull apart from each other as you get a good look at your friend. “God, it feels so weird to see your face when I hear your voice now..” you whisper, to which Ithaqua nods, “it’s nice to see what you look like though, (name), it’s nice to know you’re a real person.”
The two of you go to his home and spend a few days together, laughing and talking just as you had when you were separated. Though beneath it all ithaqua is still worried that he’s fallen for you, just as he had feared he would when he saw you. It feels so different to have you in front of him, and he cannot understand why he’s fallen as hard as he has, for his best friend nonetheless.
But he decides to say nothing, to enjoy having you around. Because now that you’ve met, he’s afraid if he told you that he loved you, you’d leave him. He has no idea you could ever feel the same way until the day before you need to leave, when you’re sitting on a bench at a park, eating dinner that you had just bought. Eventually, you break the since between you two. “Ithaqua.. what would you do if I told you that I loved you?”
He looks over at you in surprise, his eyes widened. “You.. love me?” He whispers. “Yes, I felt like I would.. if we ever met, and I guess that thought was right” you laugh, looking at his face. “(Name) i.. thought the same way. Can you believe that? I was so afraid I’d fall for you if we met, that you wouldn’t feel the same.” You hug him tightly, happy tears running down your cheeks. “God, Ithaqua. You’re making me wish I’d never have to leave you.. I love you so much” he smiles and hugs you back, not having the courage to kiss you, though he leans in. “I love you too, (name).. I’ll make sure we see each other again soon.”
#idv fandom#idv fanfic#idv headcanons#idv imagines#idv x reader#idv scenarios#idv matchup#idv ithaqua#idv night watch#identity v ithaqua#night watch idv#night watch#Ithaqua idv#identity v imagines#identity v#idv
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Week 5 Recs: Golden Oldies
This week's Yeehan fic rec theme was "Golden Oldies," or those fics from Overwatch's early days that left a lasting impression. I asked for recs from 2016 and 2017, and boy, did folks have plenty! Check out the recs gathered from the Yeehan community below, organized by rating then alphabetically by title.
Not Rated
Fair Enough (5 Things McCree Can Do But Doesn't Let On + 1 He Simply Won't) by AsheRhyder [5,776 words]
Reccer comment: "Everything AsheRyder wrote during this period is solid gold. Tasty, angsty gold."
“So what do you say? You interested?” McCree’s smile was as wide and inviting as an open door. Hanzo looked over the scruffy cowboy with a critical eye and a severe frown.
“No,” he said and watched the door shut, quiet and easy.
“Fair enough.” McCree tipped his hat and sauntered off.
In the months that followed, Hanzo learned many things about McCree that made him change his opinion on man; amazing, curious, and terrifying things. The most infuriating of them being this:
Jesse McCree never asked twice.
Lucid Dream by Somebody_Someone [WIP; 277,255 words]
Reccer comment: "one of my two all time favourite, brain chemistry altering fics!"
Years ago he was a successful writer, and now he is struggling to get by every single day. Between art block, depression, insomnia and a comatose brother, Hanzo is constantly hanging on by his fingernails.
One day, he finds solace in the strangest shape; lucid dreams of a most unwelcoming land where he meets a terribly frustrating cowboy, gets in deep trouble and goes on a quest for a mysterious treasure. With the insufferable cowboy as his guide.
The journey will be long, scattered with obstacles and dangers, but may it be enlightened by the unexpected blooming of a friendship and perhaps something deeper.
Two Noons in their Moccasins by Scrumpadouchus [WIP; 89,675 words]
Reccer comment: "This!! It's a Your name AU and it's still a work in progress but it's seriously gold! I suggest to watch the film before but for me this ff is a 10/10"
In which an archer and a cowboy start suddenly waking up in each others' bodies, and they attempt to make the most of being suddenly dropped into the life of a complete stranger.
In the process they make some mischief, make some mistakes and change each others' lives.
Teen and Up
A Comedy of Eros (A Tragedy of Communication in Five Acts) by AsheRhyder [9,886 words]
Hanzo wondered why they even made mission plans when they all went horrifically wrong. Take this last one: what was supposed to be a quiet artifact retrieval from Ilios turned into a brawl with Talon over an ancient quiver full of arrows.
Arrows that, apparently, had some Very Interesting Side Effects on enemy and friend alike.
Good Fences Make Good Neighbors by vandoodle [75,467 words]
Hanzo Shimada regrets ever joining Overwatch after he is paired with Jesse McCree, known cowboy enthusiast, and dropped off in the middle of American suburbia. Forced to blend in with the environment, endure neighborhood cookouts, and share his new living space with his so-called 'Husband', the two prepare to preform the ultimate sting operation: taking down the Vishkar corporation once and for all. He can't help but think this will all go horribly wrong.
Or, alternatively titled: the undercover fake-marriage fic that every fandom deserves.
Hanzo: Koi no Yokan by franklytriggering [WIP; 15,998]
Reccer comment: "this one's not hyped up enough imo. should be a classic. (unfinished by honestly the ending still slaps!)"
Hanzo struggles to rein in his delinquent brother, Genji, as their father's health wanes and obligation demands their answer. While their fate speeds towards its inevitable breaking point, Hanzo wrestles between family tradition and his wayward emotions-- marrying well, or giving in to his own needs.
Heartless by AsheRhyder [6,504 words]
Once upon a time, a wicked sorcerer cut out his heart and sealed it away. He hid it in a needle, put the needle in an egg, put the egg in a duck, put the duck inside a rabbit, and put the rabbit in a box on an island at the end of the world. So long as his heart was safe, nothing could kill him. Or so the legends say, anyway.
Nowadays, people know what a silly story that was. Nobody bothers with rabbits anymore.
Cole Cassidy has no heart.
Like the River by Goodluckdetective (scorpiontales) [5,847 words]
Reccer comment: "I do love me some good ol 'dragons expose Hanzo's inner workings'"
Dragon Spirits don’t trust just anyone.
McCree never expected for them to ever trust him.
Or how McCree gained some trust, won a shootout, almost caught the flu, and proceeded to be the most handsome damsel in distress Overwatch has ever seen.
Lone Wolf by AsheRhyder [Series; 66,124 words]
After the fall of Overwatch, Jesse McCree survived for years like a lone wolf. But wolves weren't meant to live alone, and as the Recall draws heroes back to the forefront, he'll have to learn how to adapt or get left behind again.
Lotus-Eater by AsheRhyder [16,116 words]
Only Jesse McCree would have the ridiculously bad luck to be abducted by a mad scientist during a mission.
In the aftermath, the line between dreams and waking blurs and distorts. Which holds more weight; the flawed reality, or the perfect dream? Which is worth fighting for? Which will hurt him worse?
More Than True by AsheRhyder [Series; 34,346 words]
"Fairy tales are more than true..." -G.K. Chesterton.
In which there are dragons, and castles, and monsters of all sorts.
OR
That series of stories in which buildings repeatedly fall on Hanzo.
People Like Us by fishpoets [8,764 words]
Jesse's never much believed in 'happily ever after', but it turns out it might be possible after all, even for a man like him. That is, if life doesn't ruin it for him first.
Mature
Adaptation by CommonNonsense [13,315 words]
McCree always did like a challenge, and Hanzo Shimada is a bundle of challenges wrapped up in a handsome package and tied with a gold ribbon.
Body Heat by BatKatBrown [2,575 words]
Little oneshot inspired by this comic which is amazing. http://disteal.tumblr.com/image/158383507645
Crown of Horns by Anonymous [150,888 words]
Reccer comment: "I've recently started Re-reading one of my fav old ones: Crown of Horns (mind the tags!)"
"But you know, I rather like the idea of you as one of those beasts. Wouldn't that look nice for the clan, Hanzo? A living, breathing dragon, chained to a post in the gardens."
four days by feyhound [23,869]
Reccer 1 comment: "one of my all time favs Four Days"
Reccer 2 comment: "One of my first fav is this 🥰 I have a weak spot for fics like these 🥺"
“I have an embarrassin’ favor to ask of you,” Cole says.
Hanzo stares at him expectantly, a single brow arched. “And what is that?” he asks.
“Y’see, my family might currently be under the impression that I’m bringin’ home a date for a few days next week. And, the thing is, I don’t really have one. So, I’m currently S-O-L and would really, really appreciate it if you came home with me for a few days and, uh. Pretended. To be my boyfriend.”
He stares down at his plate and jabs a fry into the enormous puddle of ketchup gathered in the center of it. If only the fry could be his hypothetical four-day boyfriend, he thinks; it would save him an enormous amount of embarrassment. It would be tastier, too.
[ Or - Cassidy desperately needs a fake date to bring home to his family, and Hanzo never does anything half-assed. ]
Foxhole Dreaming by fishpoets [18,569]
After Hanzo and McCree are ambushed on an undercover mission and McCree is injured, they need to hide out in a secret bunker that McCree knows of while they wait to be rescued. The prospect of a few days in close-quarters alone with McCree wouldn't be a problem, except for one thing: Hanzo's feelings for the gunslinger don't stop at friendship.
Hang the Fool by AlmaMeDuele [231,922 words]
Reccer comment: "i remember reading it in 2017 and its still my fav one in this fandom"
How the heroic organization Overwatch acquires the talents of one Hanzo Shimada, and how gunslinger Jesse McCree will probably suffer because of it for the rest of his days.
Love Bites and Liquid Courage by timehopper [4,633 words]
McCree should not show up at his door in a drunken haze this often; and yet every time he does, Hanzo lets him in.
May I by Ingridarcher [182,716 words]
Reccer comment: "my rec is the first Yeehan fic I read that I remember making An Impression on me"
"We're nothing alike, Shimada. You? You fell down from the sky. And me? I clawed my way up, outta the dirt."
Jesse was there. He was on the Blackwatch team that dragged Genji Shimada's body away and brought it back to the Overwatch medical facility. He saw what Genji's brother, Hanzo, did to him.
Now, Overwatch has been recalled, and when Genji comes back he brings along the last person McCree ever expected: his murdering brother. And while Hanzo seems oddly drawn to McCree, Jesse wants nothing to do with him.
Points on a Circle by AughtPunk [111,325 words]
Reccer comment: "it's not exclusively yeehan but omg it's such a well-crafted piece"
It began when Cole Cassidy summoned one of Hanzo's dragons in the middle of battle.
It began a month ago when Hanzo looked at Cole and realized he's already in love.
It began an hour ago when Satya heard the word 'magic' and refused the believe.
It began six months ago when Genji introduced his his brother to Cole, not knowing the two of them have a past.
It begins.
Undercover by lyriumveins [14,749 words]
Hanzo is a new member of Overwatch, working undercover in a coffee shop with a few other agents. He’s adjusting to his new life – and making good progress on his missions – when he starts finding ridiculous messages scrawled on coffee cups… Messages that are, apparently, for him. While he’s convinced it’s all just a ridiculous prank, D.Va calls them “pick-up lines” and insists that he has a “secret admirer.”
Whiskey Lullaby by CaptainCorgi [WIP; 64,791 words]
Reccer comment: "Unfinished! But classic"
The buzz of the communicator had him jumping, knee slammed against the metal desk and a string of curses followed. Not looking, Jesse palmed the device, opening its front screen and stopped cold. The message wasn't from any of his team mates. In fact it wasn't from Overwatch at all. There was no sent from address, no name, and it contained one sentence.
Recipient: 10.29M.76
Status: Urgent
Subject: -
Message:
Welcome home.
Who Taught You How to Hate by Valpur [46,594 words]
He’d always known it was going to happen. There weren’t many ways to go for a rogue like him, but all in all he would have much preferred a clean hole in his skull rather than being hanged for robbery and murder. Especially because this one single, fucking time he was not guilty.
--
McCree is having the worst time of his life and an outlander happens to save his sorry ass.
Things go awfully weird after that - and he enjoys it all too much.
Explicit
Afterdrop by ClaroQueQuiza [WIP; 638,116 words]
Overwatch can be forgiven for keeping Hanzo at arm's length despite the endorsement of his intended murder victim. Six months of provisional membership, spent in the field, is a reasonable compromise.
But not everyone is on board with giving Hanzo a chance.
Cassidy, least of all.
Backroom Deals by dragonspell [7,754 words]
“Oh.” Jesse shifts on the chair, rattling the cuffs again, as his eyes dart helplessly downward, drawn by a kind of gravitational force. “I was wondering if you might, uh, show me your ankles?”
(Or, Jesse gets himself captured while trying to infiltrate a Shimada safe house and he and Hanzo reach a deal; Blackwatch-era, slight-AU; the foot fetish McHanzo that no one asked for)
the best medicine by fishpoets [4,298 words]
Reccer comment: "Happy smut"
Hanzo and Jesse, a successful mission, a night alone together. Bad jokes and lots of laughter.
The Dragon's Mate by kdwalbring [116,347 words]
Reccer comment: "The dragons mate is one I will always recommend! I've reread this more times than I can count all the way through and love it more each time!"
Talon is too powerful for the newly formed Overwatch to handle head-on, so plans are made to infiltrate one of their strongest supporters. Jesse McCree hasn't found a home or family quite like what he had in Blackwatch, but he's determined to protect his new friends whatever it takes.
Turns out, mating to your best friends murderous brother is what it takes and he goes willingly. Something's not right in the Shimada clan though and he's going to figure it and Shimada Hanzo out.
Or: Arranged Marriage Yakuza ABO AU, because all the things! THIS WILL HAVE A HAPPY ENDING!!
Familiar Habits by Philosophics [8,176 words]
Reccer 1 comment: "I really like this one"
Reccer 2 comment: "One of my first ever Yeehan bookmarks back in the day!"
After joining Overwatch, Hanzo finds it difficult to sleep some nights. It is nothing a hot cup of tea cannot fix, but he never expected that he would have company.
(or: hanzo is very thirsty, in more ways than one)
I got this fever, fever burning inside by CourtneyCourtney [11,300 words]
Hanzo has heard stories of this 'weapon', the most lurid tales courtesy of McCree, naturally. A libido accelerant Talon injects intravenously, giving its victims the option of mauling a stranger for sexual release, forcing themselves on a teammate and ruining any trust built between the two, or - to quote Jesse's turn of phrase - dying of "blue balls."
In other words, not a way for someone like Jesse McCree to go. Not if Hanzo is determined to help. It would be a shame to lose a colleague as altruistic and reliable as McCree to a weapon so primitive.
If he has to choke out the voice at the back of his mind questioning his own altruism in performing this act, then so be it.
(or, McCree gets sex pollened by Talon, and Hanzo helps him out the way any good friend would (Really. Stop gagging, Genji.))
Ichigo by morrezela [27,121 words]
Reccer comment: "Ichigo will forever be my go to fic. 😭😭 even tho it’s so heartbreakingly good"
They break up on a Wednesday
It's All Your Fault by Cadeykat [25,100 words]
Hanzo Shimada joins the ranks of Overwatch and finds that he quite likes teasing the resident cowboy. That is, until a single compliment ruins his thought process, and he has to deal with feelings he's not exactly well versed in.
Magic McCree by Cadeykat [15,105 words]
Hanzo Shimada does not want to be here, he does not like strip clubs and never has. And Genji is wrong, he does not need to 'get laid', no matter how long this dry spell has lasted. He knows he'll regret being here tonight, and he needs a drink. And the tall glass of water clad in plaid that just bumped into him could be what cures his thirst.
More than Most by leoandlancer [7,103 words]
Reccer comment: "Shooting at your loved ones always works to confess your love, right?"
Initially, McCree thinks he's the one chasing Hanzo for time alone. However, after Hanzo tips his hand slightly playing target practice, McCree's less certain. Then Hanzo accompanies him to a private island, where he neatly lays to rest all of McCree's assumptions about his reticence. McCree simply chased until Hanzo finally caught him.
Short little thing because McHanzo smooches and smut are giving me so much joy.
Poker Face by Cadeykat [28,383 words]
“Shark, my ass. Man cleared out $60,000 at the first table he played at.”
Hanzo shrugs, silently delighting in how Daniel sucks in a bracing breath at his nonchalance. Oh, he loves riling him up. Serves him right for calling him in on his day off. “So? That’s not entirely uncommon. Perhaps he’s just good at poker.”
“He’s won almost $250 grand over the last four days.”
Oh.
This is going to be fun.
Scoundrels and Thieves 'verse by vaguely_concerned [WIP; Series; 127,655 words]
Canon AU where the Shimada family and the Deadlock gang used to do business, Hanzo and Cassidy had a thing… and then Cassidy gets the ‘offer’ from Overwatch.
stop me if you've heard this one by losebetter [WIP; 9,516 words]
Reccer comment: "my oldest yeehan bookmark, a very old WIP, but I recommend it regardless and still occasionally reread it because it's so good"
love or death. grab an end, pull hard, and make a wish. richard siken.
--
“Mmm. And, here, here is the best part of this, Jesse,” Hanzo slurs, afterwards, about oh-two-hundred by Jesse’s estimation. He’s standing around nude in the en suite, and Hanzo looks downright decadent lounging in the wrecked sheets back on the bed, all dark eyes, dark hair that cuts down over one shoulder like spilled ink. His long fingers shift on the flask propped up next to him, and Jesse swears some part of his tattoo ripples with the movement, too eye-catching to have come from the dim ceiling light. Maybe he’s still a little tipsy, but he can’t pretend he’s never seen Hanzo in action before, either.
Target Panic by Philosophics [20,500 words]
Reccer comment: "an old fav of mine, funny, sexy and a bit angsty"
McCree looks him steadily in the eyes. “I said, I’m in love with you,” he repeats.
Hanzo stares some more as the words sink in.
“You,” he states imperiously, “are mistaken.” Then he promptly turns on his heel and strides out the open carrier door.
-
In which McCree confesses his love, Hanzo has some difficulty believing him, and the team seems entirely unable to keep from sticking their noses into the whole affair.
We're all Blackwatch Now by firefly_quill [WIP; Series; 18,491 words]
“Blackwatch under scrutiny after complaint from Japanese government”.
How Jesse McCree gets in trouble *for* following orders, for once.
This wraps up the Week 5 recs! Thank you to everyone who sent in a recommendation! Keep an eye out for next week's theme: "Show & Tell," all about the love confessions.
In the meantime, you can also check out the Week 4 recs here or check the list of past and future themes here!
#yeehanfrf#yeehan fic recs#yeehan fic rec friday#cole cassidy#hanzo shimada#overwatch fanfiction#author: AsheRhyder#author: Somebody_Someone#author: Scrumpadouchus#author: vandoodle#author: franklytriggering#author: goodluckdetective#author: scorpiontales#author: fishpoets#author: CommonNonsense#author: BatKatBrown#author: anonymous#author: feyhound#author: AlmaMeDuele#author: timehopper#author: Ingridarcher#author: AughtPunk#author: lyriumveins#author: CaptainCorgi#author: Valpur#author: ClaroQueQuiza#author: dragonspell#author: Philosophics#author: CourtneyCourtney#author: morrezela
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My main Pathfinder bean, Detective Tomomi and her bean team! <3
Tomomi is a rogue/wizard Kitsune, whose adopted family has grown VERY MUCH since the start of her adventure! The main big bad did some pretty nasty crimes in her quiet little cozy town around Halloween time and Tomomi will see that she answers for them! Although the list of crimes has grown a lot since then, Tomomi isn't alone in her work.
She has two familiars; Dango from her Rouge side and Mochi, from her Wizard side!
Dango is often guessed to be the more mature of the two, often holding the single braincell shared between them - but she can easily match Mochi's chaotic nature if swept up into it! Together they help keep tabs on things and help Tomomi's friends keep on target. (Sort of.)
Along with them is Yokan, a little wooden cat scribe who lives in a fancy wooden cube! A gift from powerful friends and parental figures. Yokan has a connection to Tomomi and can warp fate! (Giving us and our friends much needed rerolls of the dice. ;w; )
Now hanging from Yokan's cube is their own little friend, is a wonderous figurine of Power in the shape of a Fading Foxed named Manju! Manju is very quiet and is mainly to keep Yokan company while everyone else is running around.
Not pictured here is Tomomi's new network of foxes!! Oh goodness, so many foxes.
---
Additional Notes:
Tomomi (She/Her)
Dango (She/Her)
Mochi (She/They)
Yokan (No Preferences)
Manju (They/Them)
#Pathfinder#DnD#Rogue#Wizard#Kitsune#Detective#Foxes#Tomomi#Dango#Mochi#Yokan#Manju#my ocs#Three foxes enter a room and all ping perception checks everywhere XD#Detective powers go!!
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Hi!! do you have any new(ish) klaroline canon fic recs? i feel like i’ve read everything out there 💔
Hi, nonnie! Sorry it took me a bit to get to this. I was going to be a sad disappointment because I have not been reading that many new fics and so didn't have much to offer. :(
BUT! I decided to ask around for some recs to offer you some options. :) I haven't read most of these, but some of my mutuals did and they vouched for it. So hopefully you can find something new to enjoy here.
From me, I can tell you that Grazing by @notalittlebutalottie has been finished and it is absolutely phenomenal! If you haven't read that yet, get to it!
The Little Wolf by @morningstargirl666 has undergone a recent rewriting and gained new chapters. It's one of the best prequels to the Originals (not the show, the family) I have ever read.
And i swallow the sea, which swallows me by @definedareasofuncertainty which a canon-divergent fic where Klaus and Caroline meet earlier on with Luiza's typically stunning and evocative writing, incredibly sensitive in addressing some of the rougher issues.
✨ @the-road-betwixt recced:
throw my heart off the edge by @impossiblekryptonitecolor
Persistence of Memory by @helpless-in-sleep
Who put Bella down the Wych Elm? by for_darkness_shows_the_stars
i looked around in a blood-soaked gown (and saw something they can't take away) by @purplesigebert
in vain she wills, to run, fly, swim, walk, creep by @the-road-betwixt
✨ @purplesigebert recced
and if I bleed (you'll be the last to know) by justanothermess
spit the blood back, baby by generousheart
I'll be your mirror by @marxandangels
These Violent Eyes by ArtemisRavenCourtney
✨ @idreamofspring1 recced
sweet present of the present by VintageLilac
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Is the new chapter of the Inevitability of Love at Second Sight going to be under Zutto or Koi No Yokan?
Hi! ✨ It will be for Koi No Yokan :) I want to finish the missing chapters from KNY before I fully delve into Zutto, but just because you asked, I’m dropping a few lines from Zutto here (without context):
"Why are you sitting on the floor?" Lia asked suddenly, noticing my silence and reaching out to push a strand of hair off my face. "Get on the bed."
"I'm fine here. I like watching you."
"You can watch me from the bed," she replied with an amused smile.
"If I get on the bed, I'll fall asleep in less than a minute," I answered truthfully. I bent my legs a little and rested my forearms on my knees. I wanted to keep looking at her for a little while longer.
I wanted to tell her that I dreamed of spending the rest of my nights and mornings looking at her, like this, as she lay on bed, hidden under the pile of sheets, wearing one of my T-shirts, with her face resting on a pillow, breathing quietly.
The more optimistic part of me told me not to doubt that I would have that for the rest of my life, that I could and would enjoy it day after day.
But the more frightened part of me was the one that led me to stay there, sitting on the floor next to Lia's side of the bed, watching her, memorizing each of her freckles and the sparkle in her eyes, the way they shrank when she smiled, and the way her eyebrows twitched.
"You're a sweetheart,” she said.
#noah sebastian#bad omens#noah sebastian fic#noah sebastian fanfic#the inevitability of love at second sight
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How long does it take for you to finish a fic????
I wish I had an answer to this
somehow I wrote Switch/Koi No Yokan/Its Yours/Teddy Bear/CMND CTRL in one month at one point(i try to conjure whatever demon possessed me to come back but they must be hibernating…)
usually if I write like 2000 words im like WHEW that was a lot of work *pats back, never opens that WIP again for months* and then that WIP will pop up in my head again and I’ll be like ahhhhhhh right…..I should finish that!!
on average like, 3-4 days if its a longer fic(and maybe 5-7 hours of writing throughout those days). the less comfortable I’m sitting, the harder it is to write too, or if theres a lot of noise and distraction around, can rly interrupt my time and make me take much longer, but I type everything on my phone soooooo…….probably? doesnt help idk😬💚
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About Soseki, Shamspeare and Olive´s favorite food!
Soseki didn´t even realize you could HAVE a favorite food before he came to Britain because food was always more of an obligation than something to enjoy. His family didn´t have much growing up, and he actually sometimes forgets to eat when he´s deep into his studies or writing.
Back in his homeland after a year of the most horrendous food he ever had, eating himself through the menus of every possible restaurant in Japan and realizing that "Everything Japanese!" is not much of an answer, he decided that the simple things are sometimes the best.
In this case, that means: cat-shaped Onigiri and green tea yokan.
--
Shamspeare might SAY that his favorites are soup and salad, but that´s because they are the cheapest things on the menu and therefore the only dishes he could afford in case he gets caught on his way out without paying.
The real answer is that he doesn´t have a specific favorite food, it´s whatever is edible. He particularly loves sweets and desserts, though, because that´s something he doesn´t get to have that often, so it feels special to eat them.
He has a love-hate relationship with ice cream. It´s so cold and pretty much impossible to steal, but it´s sooo gooood!
--
Olive has fond memories of the bean stew she grew up with. She tried to replicate it and gave some to Duncan, but she didn´t get the taste right and was even sure that hers was terrible. He had smiled and said it was delicious.
While it´s not a favorite in terms of taste, she likes ordering salads because they´re pretty and colorful, and she likes to compare how different restaurants plate them.
She also likes chocolate a lot but doesn´t like to admit that in case people make fun of her again :(
#i´m convinced soseki refuses to touch british food ever again after his time in london#in case we go the shamseki route shamspeare´s favorite would switch from “whatever” to “whatever soseki is cooking for him”#olive bakes biscuits for people she loves but she´s afraid she´s not very good at that#soseki natsume#william shamspeare#olive green#the great ace attorney#tgaa#dai gyakuten saiban#dgs#just mina thoughts#the great ace attorney 2#tgaa 2#dai gyakuten saiban 2#dgs 2
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Hakuoki Drama CD Book Vol 5 Saito
*sigh* as much as i prefer cooler weather, i don’t like the transition between summer and fall. always tend to get sick and half-feverish for some reason when the temperature fluctuates between hot and cool.
anyway, enjoy!
Hakuoki Drama CD Book Vol 5 Saito Hajime-hen - Summer Morning
Translation by KumoriYami
Act 1
Time: Night
Location: Saito and Chizuru's living room
SE: the sound of Saito opening a door
Yukimura: Hajime-san. I've brought tea.
Saito: Ah, thank you... in addition to the tea, there's also yokan?
SE: sound of Saito walking then sitting down
Yukimura: Yes, they were given by the neighbour. Please eat.
SE: Sound of Chizuru putting the tea down
Saito: Well, I must express my thanks to them tomorrow.
Yukimura: Ah...
Saito: What is it?
Yukimura: Hajime-san, show me your sleeve for a moment
Saito: My sleeve...?
SE: the sound of Saito lifting up his arm
Yukimura: As expected, it's torn. I'm really sorry I didn't notice it. I'll sew it up immediately. I'll get you a change of clothes for now.
Saito: There's no need, with this extent of a rip/tear, it doesn't matter if you mend it later.
Yukimura: That won't do, how can you wear such clothes
Saito: But...it's about time to go to bed. It's only been one night, this sleeve won't cause any problems.
Yukimura: No. Even though we'll just be going to sleep, I don't know if anything will happen, so please, lent me take that and mend it now, it'll be quick
Saito:......
Yukimura:....? Why did you suddenly freeze?
Saito: No, I suddenly just remembered that something like this happened before.
Yukimura: Eh.... At what time/When?
Saito: Don't you remember. It was at the time... it was something that happened while we were still in the Shinsengumi.
Yukimura: Something from when we were still in the Shinsengumi...?
Saito: You don't remember. Nn, it's no wonder. After all, it hadn't soon after you came to the Shinsengumi.
Yukimura:....I really don't remember. If Hajime-san tells me about it, I might be able to recall it.
Saito: Alright. It's nice to occasionally to look back. Then——
--------
Act 2
Time: Morning
Location: Shinsengumi headquarters (Yagi's)
Saito (narrated): I remember that it was summer, just like it is now. I had just finished my training by myself and was preparing to go over to the well to wipe off my sweat, and as I was passing through the courtyard——
SE: Sound of Saito walking
SE: Sound of Chizuru running
Yukimura: Ha ah, hah.... ah, Saito-san! I finally found you... good morning!
Saito:...Can I help you?
Yukimura: I came to tell you that breakfast is ready.
Saito: Understood. I'll go after I head over to the well and wipe down my sweat.
Yukimura: Okay...
Saito: Is there something else?
Yukimura: Ah, no... Okita-san said that you would be training in the morning, but I didn't think you'd be using a real sword...
Saito: When training by myself, I always use a real sword instead of a wooden sword. By doing this, you can not only have an experience that is closer to actual combat, and feel your own strength too.
Yukimura:...Um, may I ask you a question?
Saito:...Whether or not I can answer depends on the question, since that's the case, ask.
Yukimura: When Saito-san picks up a sword, do you feel lost/confused?
Saito: I cannot say never, but that has not happened since I've become a member of the Shinsengumi
Yukimura: But drawing your sword means that someone will get injured, or perhaps die... Why are you able to accomplish this without getting lost?
Saito: For the sake of carrying out my own beliefs and ambitions... And, as long as it is to protect the Shinsengumi's way forward, I will not hesitate to wield my sword. Regardless if I have to sacrifice my own life.
Yukimura:...
Saito: Why did you suddenly ask such a thing?
Yukimura: Ah... I'm sorry that I keep asking you questions. Um, recently I was thinking... what it is I wanted to do... and felt lost.... then... when I saw Saito-san, I felt like I was lacking something... Ah/Yes.
Saito:...? What's wrong?
Yukimura: That, Saito-san... the sleeve of your jacket [im guessing haori] is torn.
Saito: Oh... these are just clothes for training. It will be replaced soon, so it doesn't matter.
Yukimura: If it's possible, can that be given to me to sew?
Saito: I'm grateful that you're willing to do this, but I can do it myself, you don't need to help.
Yukimura: But...
Saito: I've said a lot. I'll be going over to the well to wipe my sweat, you should go back first.
Yukimura: Please wait!
Saito: Is there something else?
Yukimura: Um, would you be inconvenienced if I said that I wanted to help mend that sleeve anyway?
Saito:....
Yukimura: Please allow me to do so. Please!
Saito:...There is no reason to refuse your request twice.
Yukimura: Thank you! Then I'll go and pick it up from you after breakfast.
Saito: Nn.
Saito (narrated): That was the first time I noticed your eyes. Seeing your earnest face while you made that request, I didn't know how to respond. After, I quickly learned the reason for you insisted.
--------
Act 3
Time: evening
Location: Shinsengumi headquarters, Saito's room
Yukimura: Saito-san, is now convenient?
Saito: Yes. Come in.
Yukimura: Excuse me.
SE: Sound of Chizuru opening the door
Yukimura: I've mended the garment, so I came to give it to you.
Saito: Apologies, permit me to inspect it.
Yukimura: Okay.
SE: Sound of clothes being picked up
Saito: Nn, it would appear that the clothes were mended well, I'm grateful, thank you.
Yukimura: No, I'm... thank you.
Saito: Why are you thanking me?
Yukimura: Saito-san seriously answered my rude question, so, this is my thanks.
Saito:...
Yukimura: Saito-san? What is it?
Saito: You mean you didn't propose to sew my sleeve for me out of your own volition?
Yukimura: I don't think it's the same. Everyone in the Shinsengumi is helping me find my father, and is [also] taking care of me, but I have nothing I can give in return. That's why, if there's at least something that I can do...
Saito: You don't need to worry about this so much.
Yukimura: But I, it would be very painful if I did nothing. Please let me help... I also want to make a difference too.
Saito: Is this why you said those words this morning?
Yukimura: Yes. It doesn't matter if it's something small, as long as it can help everyone... I think that if there's something I can help with, I should be able to become everyone's strength.
Saito:....I see. I feel as if I've always been thinking that there was something off about how you were lately, I didn't expect it to be like this... I appear to have underestimated your abilities.
Yukimura: Eh...?
Saito: This morning, your eyes were very determined. There is more than one way to protect, some people use force to protect people, and some people rely on support to protect people. Just as you said, what you can do may be something small, but sometimes it can turn into a huge force.
Yukimura: I also have things that I can do... is it?
Saito: Nn. But I would not dare to make any assertions.
Yukimura:...
Saito: If your resolve isn't strong enough, the circumstances may somewhat change in the future. Just stick to what you believe in, however...
雪村千鹤：……？
Yukimura:...?
Saito: Forgive my bluntness, the Shinsengumi is a dangerous place for you to be in. You must bear in mind that thoroughly understanding the organization's inner workings [word I have here is inside story/inside information] can be dangerous.
Yukimura: Yes...! Thank you very much, Saito-san.
Saito: One thank you is enough.
Yukimura: Ah. Okay, thank you!
Saito:....Nn.
Saito (narrated): Perhaps, since the first time I met you and that day, I had looked into your eyes while neglecting the strong will behind them. Your sincerity touched me at that time, and I profoundly remembered it.
--------
Act 4
Time: evening
Location: Saito and Chizuur's living room
Yukimura: I'm sorry. After listening to you speak, I finally remembered.
Saito: Don't you think that this was very similar to what just happened?
Yukimura: Indeed, it's quite similar. At the beginning, I suggested that I mend your sleeve...
Saito: It's not only that day, but as long as you and I are together, from time to time, I will always think of each day I spent with you and everyone in the Shinsengumi, will always think of every day spent with you and everyone in the new selection group, these memories are treasures that slumber in my heart/thoughts.
Yukimura: I often recall those times. While I was still in Kyoto... when I went from Edo to Aizu... but I most often recall the day I had a great time trying to find that cat at headquarters and when I went to Shimabara... I often recall everyone's smiles and laughter of everyone from those times.
Saito: Yes. I'm very happy now, but it's not bad to occasionally reminisce about the past.
Yukimura: Nn. If you think about something again, you can always tell me.
Saito; Ah, but I also want to hear from you, if you remember something special
Yukimura: Of course, there are still things that Hajime-san doesn't know about
Saito: Things I don't know about? This is the first time I've heard that. Like what sort of things?
Yukimura: For example... even if you suddenly say that... there are more important things that that right now. I'll go get you a change of clothes, so wait [here].
SE: Sound of Chizuru leaving
Saito: Ah, hey! You still haven't changed.
Saito (narrated): Memories of the past, is it. If would be nice if I only recalled beautiful memories like tonight, but I can't forget those painful memories, because that was the path she and I walked together. The happiness I feel now is also an extension of those times.
Starring: Saito Hajime... Toriumi Kosuke
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PRETTY CURE, TRIVIA ON!
It pains me to say, it, but the for first time, the majority answer was wrong! It is actually Cure Passion who is represented by the Club. Many of you said Cure Pine, who has the Diamond as her symbol. My guess is that you got her mixed up with Cure Rosetta. Don’t worry, there’s always next time!
Since we have more information on the upcoming Wonderful Pretty Cure, I figured I’d use that information to make a wonderful question for you guys! So…
Let’s-La Trivia!
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