#less review more ramble
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i jumped on the Walking Dead train really late, but i got to finish the show with the fans and i thought it was excellent. it also marks the second or third time i've binged a piece of acclaimed media that became noteworthy for fucking over its fans - the last time was when i beat the mass effect trilogy, a decade late. i thought that was excellent too.
of course it's a lot easier when the game you're playing already has the patched-in ending option and all its DLC, and walking dead was definitely easier to get through since when season 5 ended, i could go right into season 6 without The Cliffhanger
it's clear that the show i watched wasn't the show that AMC presented. scrubbed of its social media gaffes and godawful pacing, it was honestly a thrill ride. it takes a little time to stumble its way through the first two seasons, and the third is definitely more of a slow burn of dread, but if you can punch your way through those you're rewarded with a tense thriller that rarely wastes its time - every scene demands your attention and reveals something new. the moment my life settles down again i want to binge-watch it all over again with a friend.
in my early/mid twenties, i'd fallen in love with an artsy little tech-fetishist webcomic about a few kids struggling to avert the end of the world. you might have heard of it, it was called Homestuck. it would go on to balloon into a very different sort of work from the one it began (i miss the Amiga graphics and quotes from poets/novelists), but also it was the first time i looked around to realize i was in the middle of a fandom. and in those days it wasn't a lovely sight.
my problem was i hadn't been inoculated against this sort of thing yet. from the moment i discovered the MSPA forums, it was impossible for me to experience homestuck without also crossing over to get a life feed of how the fans were enjoying it, and that was uhh, complicated. i have a lot i could say about Andrew Hussie as a creator and maybe one day he'll get his very own rambling not-quite-essay from me, but i maintain that i didn't get to enjoy Homestuck the way it deserved because i am the sort of person whose opinions can be influenced by others. you are too, don't judge.
i hold fast to my conviction that the best way to enjoy something is to enjoy it pure and alone, or with at most perhaps two friends whose tastes you can trust. all too often i've seen people try to make it through the walking dead, or better call saul, or mass effect, or homestuck, or anything, while tapped into the overwhelming torrent of fandom opinion.
it actually makes things worse.
as the internet is fond of saying: the walking dead was a hell of a lot better without a bitch in my ear telling me it sucked.
there's a lot to say about how they reused the same ol' same ol' plot: zombos force the crew to move, they get settled in, then they solve some zombo-related problems until the newest batch of Desperate And/Or Corrupt And/Or Treacherous Humans comes to prove that actually we were the monsters all along
except it's fucking dope? they bare-knuckle brawl a shitload of walkers in a prison and take it over? and then they fight a war with the neighboring town??
Terminus, to me, is a singular point in the show that stands out in my mind. it was the moment i was like "oh shit. i think actually like this show." nevermind the way they began cranking up the horror factor (watching them slit that guy's throat in the horse trough was wild), but then Carol shows up and fucking Judge Dredds the place?
and then we see Rick turn from do-gooder cop to feral den mother who is willing to rip a guy's throat out and fjksdhgfjkhgjkhg oh my GOD how did you people not like this show
and then:
it was genuinely incredible watching Rick's role in the universe transform. we see him as an agent who is only ever acted upon: first by the emergence of walkers, then by a revolving door of people he can't trust, people he shouldn't trust but does, and people who have a funny way of doing the right thing just when you expect them to fail you the most.
but it's no way to live a life after the world has ended, and he has to get tough. his role changes, quite quickly, from agent to actor, and now he is the one with the control. he's the one sniffing out your bullshit, doing that unhinged lupine head-cock of his, and sending you to hell at the end of a colt python.
maybe if i was a man, i'd feel a little of what the fans seemed to have felt when Negan showed up. maybe i would have put myself in Rick's place, and found a little vicarious pleasure in the feeling of being a respected leader, building a new home with my bare hands; maybe i would have experienced disappointment or defeat or whatever the moment a bigger guy with a bigger gun shows up.
but what i saw was a hornet's nest being stirred; the natural reaction of a world much bigger than you just when you've begun to think you might control some of it. negan wasn't some Bigger Guy, he was a symbol, a walking metaphor for how things are always going to go when men like rick try to purchase peace with violence. if it wasn't Negan it was going to be someone else. i adamantly believe the fans hated negan because negan was holding up a mirror to them.
when i go on about this show, i genuinely do love all of it (even the nightmarishly slow seasons 9 and 10), but the images in my head all come from season 5, especially when they raid the hospital back in the city. the walking dead does not disappoint with aesthetics. the sets were phenomenal.
long, dramatic shots of broken chain link fences, sun-baked highways, half-abandoned urban streets with boarded windows and nothing left but graffiti. honestly feels a little like my childhood. i'm an urbex bitch at heart and i never wanted ANYTHING so desperately as the chance to get in there with Carol and Aaron and Maggie et al, and go plumbing the tombs of Atlanta for rocket launchers and medicine.
and while i never want to see backroads or quaint country towns ever again in my life, i won't deny that the backdrops of rural georgia and virginia gave the walking dead a unique visual language, a kind of run-down western vibe that really helped cement the feeling that these were just regular salt-of-the-earth people, forced to do extraordinary things. most of my dreams now usually have the same hickory and pine trees that dotted the countrysides.
i don't really know what i was trying to accomplish when i began this post (it's the only way i know how to write baby!) but to summarize, i fucking loved this show. i genuinely hold it to be one of the seminal works of modern zombie horror and also just an incredibly good survival soap opera about what it means to be alive in a world that has violently rejected you. i'm genuinely glad i gave it a chance and i'm so grateful my brother recommended it to me. i love you, bro.
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So, now that I finished the game (again) and the DLC chapters, I'm going to ramble about Crosscode C:
This game is really bizarre in the sense that, to be completely 100% honest, there isn't any particular part of the game that I think is all that mind-blowing. But all the individual elements (heh) of the game come together so well that the resulting product ends up being so much stronger and memorable than the sum of its parts.
Like, most indie games have one or several notable flaws or shortcomings (and understandably so) but this game is such an airtight experience that I can't help thinking about it and just being like "the how HECK is this game so GOOD?!"
...I am of course just getting started, I've got a wall of text of things I liked and thought her just "meh" under the 'keep reading' if you're interested (you've been warned (also spoilers obviously)):
The combat is definitely one of the strongest elements of the game and probably one of my personal favorites; its brutally difficult and sometimes feels like bullshit (and maybe there is one or two instances where it actually is just bullshit) but once you get the hang of it is really is flashy and satisfying and makes you feel badass to pull off. Plus its got the whole easy to learn, hard to master thing going on (like most of it is just charging SP and pressing the space bar, but knowing what moves to use and when def play into things).
I dunno how much of a hot take this is, but I really liked the puzzles in this game! I won't deny that they can sometimes drag on and interrupt the pacing of a temple, but personally I didn't mind. And just like the combat they're so well constructed that, while you'll spend minutes staring blankly reminded that you're a simple-minded creature and that the human mind wasn't made for this and you should be foraging for mushrooms in the woods and risking death over your next meal, they rarely feel impossible to solve without having to resort to a playthrough and are really satisfying to finally figure out (not to brag but there was exactly one puzzle in the game where I had to look up the solution and another where I did solve it on my own but then looked it up cause I thought I cheesed it by mistake). At first I wasn't a huge fan of how fast/precise you have to be for some puzzles on top of just finding out the solution in the first place, but after a while you kinda get used to it (and there is an option to slow things down which is really nice of the devs to include).
The story is... pretty alright. Yeah. I honestly don't have much to say about it. Bit of a slow pace, does the job, and has it's share of twists and emotional moments, but the narrative itself doesn't really do anything mind-blowing either so... you know. I definitely think it's the characters themselves that are memorable and prop up an otherwise average story. I mean every single one of them is just the hugest goober and even characters who initially seem forgettable or one-dimensional end up subverting your expectations and being super endearing/compelling/layered. Oh yeah, and Lea is a character that can only say like 10 words and SHE DESERVES THE WORLD I WOULD KILL FOR H-
Also, since the DLC is brand new to me I do wanna say that the ending was the tiniest bit underwhelming. Like you break into Vermillion Wasteland, fight a (surprisingly easy) boss, and that's... just it. Like 20 minutes top. I dunno, it feels like... something was missing. Still thoroughly enjoyed the entire thing and it is nice for the cast to get their happy ending (not quite as emotionally impactful as the base game's end imo, but still great and I'm glad they gave us more time with these dorks).
The platforming and navigating the overworld is tedious, which sucks a bit since that makes up a good chunk of the game. Idk man, having to scale different elevations of platforms is made frustrating by the fixed camera and the fact that the different "levels" of platforms aren't distinct from each other at all, so its easy to get duped by the perspective and jump to something you can't actually reach (yes you can use projectiles to check but it still isn't fun). Even without everything blending into each other visually, trying to find which obscure paths from four rooms ago will bring you to a chest just isn't all that enjoyable (some of the later maps like Sapphire Ridge were okay though, if only cause they started to have actually interesting puzzles to do). Basically they're just... there, between the actually fun stuff.
The trading system and farming for resources is confusing and kind of a chore. That's all I got.
Guess I'll touch on the art/music since I don't have too much to say about them. To be perfectly honest I'm not actually super crazy about the artstyle (blasphemy!), but I won't deny that the sprite-work and overall aesthetic are still super-well done, even if they aren't my personal taste (tl;dr I'm neutral on it). The soundtrack isn't something I'd put on my phone and listen to in the car, but like the art it's still well-made and perfectly suits the mood of/drives the emotional impact of the game, and there are still a handful of standout bangers (Lea's theme will live rent-free in my brain of course).
One last thing I'll say (that I mentioned before) is that as fun as this game is, it feels like a commitment to get through at times. Even when I first played it and had more free time, sometimes this game just felt "imposing" to pick back up after a break. Idk its hard to describe, but at least for me it was hard to play any other games alongside this (especially with my limited free time) which kinda sucked a bit.
To wrap things up, if I had to give the game an arbitrary number rating, I have to give Crosscode a 0/10 because its an indie game that doesn't have a fishing game (smh honestly how could they make such an obvious mistake 😔).
#like I said I don't have any super deep analyses of the characters or the game to offer#just wanted to ramble about THE EXPERIENCE and what I thought this game did fantastically and slightly less fantastically#ya know#while i still got the brainrot#also reading what I wrote kinda makes me sound more critical of the game than I really am#i do wanna be clear that a lot of this is just me nitpicking#even the “worst” stuff in the game (*cough* the overworld) is still solid#also opinions#crosscode spoilers#crosscode#rambling#long post#game review (i guess)
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before I sleep, here is my definitive ranking on all the NPMD songs and some rambles on why I placed them there - also the ranking is based on how much I vibe with them (music production and lyricism have different rankings)
1. Hatchet Town (aka the hatchetfield trilogy theme song like this tune perfectly encapsulates the chaos Hatchetfield has to go through with every Starkid project pos-2018 and I love it - kinda wish it was a number that is more integrated with the plot with the kids tho BUT I REALLY DID LIKE that this melody was quite prominent in the other songs too)
2. High School is Killing Me (I've watched many teen centered musicals and believe me when I say that this song is one of, if not, the best introduction numbers out there for this genre - also it's a really great opening hook for a show)
3. Nerdy Prudes Must Die (FUCKING AMAZING HONESTLY - amazing way to REALLY re-establish a villain back from the dead and to establish the main theme for the nerds here: "I'm Not A Loser" (tho i fucking wish that motif was used a bit more))
4. Just For Once (everyone cheer for Lauren Lopez flexing not just her high tier soprano skills, but also how amazing of a fucking actor she can be like the concept of this song is quite layered and to pull it off both comedically and emphatically takes great lyrical and acting prowess)
5. The Summoning (a well-anticipated onstage introduction to all 5 of the LiB that balances out befuddling neon-entertainment with genuine fucking menace)
7. Cool As I Think I Am Reprise (A FUCKING GENIUS REPRISE I CAN'T STRESS ENOUGH HOW COOL I FIND THEM RECONTEXTUALIZING THE OG SONG AND IF I LOVED YOU TO FIT THE SITUATION AND BOTH OF THE CHARACTERS GROWTH. LIKE IN TERMS OF THEMATIC IMPLICATIONS WITH CHARQCTER DEVELOPMENT, THIS SONG AND ITS SCENE WOULD BE THE TOP)
6. If I Loved You (I think this song could be a bit more honestly like I know how much Starkid has explored Steph and Pete's relationship in their other projects and I was really hoping that they would have it more portrayed here - however the song is a bop nonetheless and it matches neatly with their themes and the harmonies are top tier. I placed this higher than the next just due to my personal bias like I really do like the song)
8. Dirty Dudes Must Die (A GREAT TWIST THAT MAKES ME WANT ANOTHER MUSICAL ABOUT GRACE CHASITY'S DERANGED SELF - also the new context of the song Grace is reprising here makes her a villain even scarier than MAX of all people but that's just me)
9. Literal Monster (A very catchy beat and well structured song that provides a good introduction to a jock-bully with the god complex. also kinda foreshadowing to nerdy prudes must die)
10. Cool As I Think I Am (the instrumentation reminded me of Dear Evan Hansen ngl fjsjd but it really does sound like an I-Want song from a teen-musical which is of course what they are going for - it sounds very nice and earnest though and I loved how it was utilised in the reprise. However I still fucking wish that the I'm Not A Loser motif was used more)
11. Dirty Girl (look I'm sorry for ranking this quite low on the list but like there is no fucking way I'm using this as bait to lure other people in like they'd be scared away I'm sorry fjdjs BUT I love how Will and Angela perform this though like top tier starkid performances ever - its not just what I would listen to on repeat personally jgjdjs)
12. Go Go Nighthawks! (This one gets plus points because of FUCK YOU CLIVESDALE GO GET FUCKED. otherwise its nice and cheery and perfectly shows how happy everyone is without Max but um I kinda wish it could be a bit more especially in terms of showing how happy the other nerds are now that Max is gone but that's just me)
13. Bully The Bully + Bury The Bully (Look I couldn't decide which was better like they both are the same melodies so like gjxjs these two are cute though and I liked seeing the 5 kids bonding in Bully The Bully since we don't get that many scenes with them)
14. The Best Of You (the pop-punk happy number is a staple of teen-centered musicals and it does really sound nice - just isn't that much of a standout compared to the others.)
#also for the best of you i have like a bone to pick with that one as much as i find it a fun song#but that is once again a rambly critique on how steph was utilized in the show sO WE'LL SAVE THAT BONE FOR ANOTHER DAY#but yea that's my NPMD ranking#the music prod here is on another level honestly#like they stepped up their game here#as for lyricism hmm given the genre it's more or less as I expected - i like it but there are some parts where i expected more#but they did a good job in having nuance in some of their songs like Nerdy Prudes Must Die and Just For Once like those r GOOD DEEP DIVES#hmmm maybe i'll do a full review soon of NPMD to just consolidate all my critiquey rambles#rn it's sittiing at a score of 8.5/10#and is probably my top 3 fav starkid musical of all time - tgwdlm and twisted are top 2 and 1#(i cant say much about black friday yet cause i havent watched it but um i have a feeling it could technically be a tie with npmd)#nerdy prudes must die#npmd#npmd spoilers#starkid
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Ani Reviews: Hellstrip Gardening
Alrighty homies here's another Informal Book Review. This is the second time I've done a book review, but I hope this is helpful!
[Photo ID: a book, titled "Hellstrip Gardening: Create a paradise between the sidewalk and the curb" by Evelyn J. Hadden (Author of Beautiful No-Mow Yards) With photographs by Joshua McCullough, Foreword by Lauren Springer Ogden]
Out of the seven books I checked out from the library this round, I picked this one second because not only was I looking forward to the read, but so were some friends in my gardening server! Its one of, if not the longest book in the stack--the main contents are 279 pages total--but its definitely well worth the read! You can see where I live blogged it here.
The inspiration and energy in this book is potent! By the time I finished reading the foreword and the introduction, I was already dreaming up new gardening projects to work on next spring, and that energy stayed up all the way until the end! It definitely helps that the photos in this book are absolutely gorgeous! Seriously, even if you aren't wanting to make a front yard garden, I'd recommend this book for cool garden photos alone! This is another one of those books that's way more relevant if you're the home owner, or a landscaper (or just got permission from your parents to do some front yard gardening), but even still so much of the advice in this book is great for just about any kind of gardening as well! Between beautiful photos of front yard gardens others have already done, tons of encouragement and advice on how to handle anything from trees to poor soils to outdated laws and HOA boards, and a deluge of plant recommendations for different grow zones and purposes, it's definitely a valuable resource!
After the introduction, this book is separated into four major sections referred to as Parts. There's Inspirations, Situations, Creation, and Curbside-Worthy Plants. If you're looking for ideas on what a converted yard can look like, Inspirations and Creation is the place to go. If you're unsure how to do so with any specific circumstances you may be facing, Situations is the section for you. So on and so forth. All in all, between the gorgeous photos, and the amazing content, this was a fairly quick read for me!
I will say, this is a book aimed directly for gardeners in the US. While some of the general advice might be good for people abroad, at the end of the day its a book written in an American perspective for gardeners in America. That being said, it focuses on America as a whole--so if you're hoping for a dedicated section on how to do what you want in your state specifically, you might get lucky, you might get unlucky. I know the example garden for my state wasn't anything I'd be excited about, meanwhile there's three sample gardens for Minnesota (two in Minneapolis) and there's only twelve sample gardens in the book! Also, if you're looking for a book to tell you to only ever use native plants in your garden, this isn't the one--the book will eagerly encourage you use native plants, and will implore you to remove any invasive plants that may be on your property, but is also more than welcome to recommending well behaved non-native plants. Let it be known that I don't think this is a problem at all! But if you're picky about that, I'm just letting that be known.
Oh and also one final note. The book is called Hellstrip Gardening, and it does talk about hellstrips, but it doesn't only talk about hellstrips. A good chunk of the example gardens don't even have hellstrips. This book talks plenty about full yard transformation! Which I find fantastic and enlightening! If you're looking for a book that's only about hellstrips, though, this isn't it.
All in all, this is an amazing book with amazing photos, 10/10 could probably show to someone to get them to see the light of front yard gardens.
#ani reviews#ani rambles#out of queue#hellstrip gardening#I think another cool thing about this book is that it--albeit briefly--addresses some of the fears people might have about converted yards#like it doesn't go into full detail about all of them but it at least acknowledges it#which is honestly better than what a lot of articles i've read or the other book I've read in this stack have done#and granted the info they gave about alleviating tick fears isn't anything I haven't heard off a headspace hotel post#but it is nice to see it acknowledged in a published work!#still not sure if I would be able to convince My Mom to do something like this#because outside of 'wide paths' it gives no advice about Snakes and thats probably my mom's biggest concern outside of 'yard is lawn is gra#and my previous google search attempts yielded Nothing Helpful in that front#but thats less of a flaw of the book itself and more of a 'hurdle i personally gotta figure out'#i am getting off topic lets end the tags here gbye
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I posted 4,600 times in 2022
That's 51 more posts than 2021!
251 posts created (5%)
4,349 posts reblogged (95%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@disasternoj
@.katachresis
@mistbornhero
@.jellyfishdirigible
@brandybradyrandyandyndy
I tagged 1,988 of my posts in 2022
#art - 153 posts
#kitties - 89 posts
#fei rambles - 79 posts
#x - 68 posts
#witch hat atelier - 63 posts
#got7 - 53 posts
#birbs - 47 posts
#lyb fanart - 37 posts
#guardian - 37 posts
#shaman king - 31 posts
Longest Tag: 133 characters
#i am very willing to sacrifice hours of sleep for an opportunity to talk to her the way she's sacrificed work hours but like 这也真不是个办法
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
一把刀而已 // he's just a sword, nothing more
22 notes - Posted November 23, 2022
#4
burrito mei changsu for @ineedarendezvous
[ID: A digital, colored drawing of Mei Changsu's head peeking out of a burrito. He wears his hair up in a bun with a green jade guan to fix it and a deadpan expression. His fluffy, white coat collar resembles rice spilling out of the burrito. (He looks positively warm and bundled up.) End ID]
64 notes - Posted October 16, 2022
#3
Little Mushroom Audio Drama Trailer [ENG SUB]
Synposis from 猫耳FM:
Do not go gentle into that good night, do not peacefully surrender to extermination.
Earth's magnetic field disappeared, mutated organisms invaded, the end of the world is near. A little mushroom from the Abyss makes its way into a human base on the search for the spore it has lost, and runs into The Arbiter Lu Feng. One human, one not, they meet at the end of the world and get to know each other, and together they walk into a future in which the only thing certain is uncertainty…
Ask anyone who has listened to Little Mushroom's audio drama and it is almost certain that they will tell you that it was one of the best produced audio dramas they have ever had the pleasure to experience.
You can find the whole thing - with English subs even - on 猫耳FM/missevan, so if this piece of media has ever been on your radar (and even if it hasn't!), let this be the sign that you should join this pit.
I haven't seen any translation of the trailer, so I took a stab at it. Excuse the violation of the maximum recommended CPS count, but there wasn’t much I could do about it... you might need to pause the video at times :P
Some notes on this translation under the cut.
.
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Because I am both lazy and hate articulating my thoughts, this will not so much be me providing much actual insight on translation choices than just some disjointed notes on the back-translation process of Dylan Thomas' poem "Do not go gentle into that good night".
An overly literal back-translation of the Chinese poem:
不要温和地走入那个良夜。// Do not go gentle into that good night,
我们应在日暮之时燃烧。// We should burn in the hour the sun sets,
怒斥、怒斥光阴的消逝。// Rage, rage at the vanishing of time and light.
尽管智者深知黑暗终将到来。// Even if the wise are fully aware that darkness will inevitably come.
尽管他们的话语无法再迸发出闪电。// Even if their words are unable to make lightning burst forth again.
不要温和地走入那个良夜。// Do not go gentle into that good night.
在这悲哀的山巅。// Here, on the sorrowful mountaintop.
请用你的眼泪诅咒我、祝福我。// Please curse me, bless me with your tears.
不要温和地走入那个良夜。// Do not go gentle into that good night.
Notes on the Chinese translation of the poem:
The refrains (“Do not go gentle into that good night” and “Rage, rage against the dying of the light”) basically map one to one to the English original, which makes it easily recognizable as Dylan Thomas’ poem
This makes the other changes feel very much like deliberate choices on the author's part, even if they do leave me puzzled
No references to the gendered figures (wise men, my father)
In the second verse, 尽管 is repeated for emphasis where it wasn’t in English
Why is the line 在这悲哀的山巅 so much shorter than all others? The original English poem has 10 syllables per line, but the Chinese one is…just whatever. No discernible structure here, only vibes
山巅 (mountaintop) where in the English it’s an unspecified “height” and can be read metaphorically, while here it is very much a physical location. (I mean, of course it could be read metaphorically as well in Chinese but there are many other words you could have chosen that do not have "mountain" in them.) Might or might not have been a deliberate choice referencing [spoiler] Base
I thought it prudent to back-translate the poem since there are some changes and they aren’t that minor.
Back-Translation process:
Pretended the original didn’t exist and translated it off the Chinese alone
Compared it to the original and modified it so that it still stayed 95% faithful to the Chinese while calling back to the original
Tried to keep the ABA rhyme scheme and felt powerful af when I managed to make the 2nd line in all the tercets rhyme
Squished or stretched the lines into 10 syllables, while still keeping as close to both Chinese and English as possible
Despair. Because at this point I should maybe just have used the original poem or gone for a freer translation, what am I even trying so hard for when this comes nowhere close at all to the original
What I ended up using in the subs of the AD Trailer, ABA ryhme scheme, 10 syllables per line if you squint*
不要温和地走入那个良夜。 // Do not go gentle into that good night.
我们应在日暮之时燃烧。 // We ought to burn the hour nightfall nears.
怒斥、怒斥光阴的消逝。// Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
尽管智者深知黑暗终将到来。 // Though the wise know darkness will bring its blight.
尽管他们的话语无法再迸发出闪电。 // Though their words no longer fork lightning fierce.
不要温和地走入那个良夜。 // Do not go gentle into that good night.
在这悲哀的山巅。// Here, on top of sorrowful mountain's height.
请用你的眼泪诅咒我、祝福我。 // Please, I ask, curse me, bless me with your tears.
不要温和地走入那个良夜。// Do not go gentle into that good night.
*and pronounce hour with 2 syllables
Some thoughts on translation choices, apparently:
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111 notes - Posted May 15, 2022
#2
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395 notes - Posted October 1, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
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420 notes - Posted April 24, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#year in review#well a lot of this is unexpected#last year was nif posting#and this year rly was halposting#though honestly 68 is less than i thought it'd be#i really want to know what the other tags were i used >_> didn't tag less than last year but a wider variety of things#or maybe I just rambled in the tags more#also HOW is the longest tag the one it is
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i caved and made a letterboxd... the user is spikedmallgoth and u should add me <3
#spikes rambles#noo more movie reviews on main yaaayyyyyy#(i am lying i am def stilling going to do that just less often now)
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damn it's been a while since i've been on tumblr
#🌙.rambles#hi ><#one of my cets is soon so i've been busy aaaa#after that tho ! gna get a lot more done#wna return here honestly#make a proper spam bcs i end up rambling too much on my twt priv oops n#hmmm. i've being doing better tho! esp compared to last year. kinda weird but i'm doing alright rn#only have like a week left. more like less than a week now bcs i'm gna rest on friday#saturday's my exam day. haven't had exams in a while. ever since the pandemic#haven't had to take any entrance exams for so long too bcs i've been in the same school ever since grade school#weird how in just a few months i'll be in my last year of high school#i'll make the most of it ! i'm v excited for college tho >.>#stressed tho abt the upcoming exam bcs for the past few months i haven't been properly reviewing#i understand n learn well but 🥹 still nervous honestly#i really want to get in.#n then growing older is just. yeah odd. i'm closer to being 17 than being 16#16 has admittedly been rather uneventful n uh kinda 'sad' actually but#17 is too close to 18. i want to do a lot more before that time comes#i always wished that. yk when i'm older i'll still be close w ppl i grew up with. esp during my teen years#drifting apart from the person that used to be my best friend back then hurts. we're different people now.#n other stuff too w other ppl that i think i'll just have to keep a secret for eternity#i've been keeping to myself a lil too much lately. but i've been doing mostly well lately#just a bit emotional rn. it's nearly midnight#ah.. my family's asleep rn n i'll sleep soon too but. oh fuck having this moment finally to myself n being properly alone#makes me finally just. feel it all. n it hurts. it's really lonely.. w the exception of my family#it's really lonely but i'll never say that while the sun's up. i just. want to#cry in someone's arms? i love my family but i just.. want someone else right now. but no i'm fine. it'll be fine#i'll focus on myself. i have my family n i'll reconnect w some friends after the exam#i'll do my best n study. i really need to get in. i want to do this for myself. but if i don't get in then i'll eventually make my peace#with that too. n i'll play video games n read n write n go out. catch up on a lot of stuff. yeah
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#carly.txt#was going to gif someone else after i ate bc i FORGOTT O for hours but#i got sleepy so i'm gonna go to bed before 8 am today#i have to be up before 5 pm and i have to study for my final as well#music core also isn't on iirc which will be nice bc i'll have more time for classwork asdfasdg#everything (including my exam) is due saturday night but i like to have everything done a day early so i feel less insane#so godspeed to me i have a lot of material to review and take notes on for my open note exam adfsagdsdg#ok enough rambling from me goodmornight
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I have a lot of thoughts on The Sandman but first off a quick heads up: this isn’t “Good Omens but make it goth”. There are bunch of episodes that are light and a bunch that really are not. Please check the trigger warnings as netflix provides none and you will be blindsided if you expect just gore with no violence against women and children.
readmore for length. Quick reminder that I only critique in depth the things that really matter. A middling piece of media gets a meh, a bad gets “here’s what’s naf”, what’s really good and potentially great with a capital G gets the full dissection:
So I’m one of the few people who loves an anthology: any format, any genre! And I think The Sandman would have worked better as a series of stories tied to Dream (despite the original comic having Dream have a growth journey - yes I know it’s not deviating from the OG) I understand most people prefer a character arc, especially when being introduced to a new universe but for me Gaiman’s stories work best as individual stories loosely tied together by a common thread and pack a punch when they come together as facets of a whole (here’s where I stop myself from a full american gods S1 review LOL). I would have much preferred that approach rather than Dream’s journey punctuated by story episodes. As it stands, dude’s a compelling actor, it’s just that the story appears to lag between the time that’s important and relevant to show Dream’s PTSD/long term issues (and the scope of his existence) and the urgency of what’s happening in other episodes. You basically have two timelines playing out: one for contemplation and one for action and when they’re both at the forefront they clash. Binge watching makes your brain want to choose a speed and stick to it. Trust that this actually works better as episodes and let yourself digest each one with a rewatch even if you binged to please the algorithm.
Another thing that was jarring was how much this is a British show with british actors but set in America, someone would pull out a gun or go to get “gas” and wait weren’t we in London, this car has two brits and a rottweiler in it 😂 where am I? I was regularly confused about when and where we were... and the binge watching format didn’t help.
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Skip if you already know that an anti woke review is a symptom of systemic toxic conservatism: I'd like to talk plainly about the reason this show distresses many of the reviewers complaining about “diversity”. They aren’t exposed to that many dark skin black men and women in natural hairstyles, not many brown or asian middle to upper class people, they’re not used to normal bisexuality and gender non conformity on their tv screen because we have deliberately created a very watered down, whitewashed, boxed in version of diversity these past decades designed to tick boxes without being threatening: the black female character is usually lightskinned with eurocentric features, the lesbians are all white high femme middle class, bisexuals basically have a special ‘danger slutty’ way of walking and talking that it might as well be tattooed on their forehead, androgynous characters are lone outliers and ***everyone stays in their lane*** so layered and fluid characters feel like big boundaries are being crossed.
What they’re not willing to say in those angry reviews is: the masc dark skinned black man in a suit was an executive with those dreadlocks and also a former fitness coach who felt fat, was open to bisexuality and not good at sex according to his wife, and they love eachother even though they don’t like eachother anymore. And that’s way too much layering for what’s usually a 2D stereotype. And that’s only one of so many characters. They think the only way someone like that would exist is if they were made up... because they live in segregated neighbourhoods, go to segregated colleges and segregated jobs with hairstyle and grooming requirements where Jada Smith is asking for it by not wearing a wig at a fancy “proper” event like the Oscars... or maybe they have blinkers on everytime they take the train I don’t know. Then they’re also surprised when those “different” people like to live together and be friends together. Go figure.
At this point I assume no-one speaking AAVE is using the word woke anymore because maga/gammon people have taken it and turned it into the new “PC culture” if not an outright signifier of racism and very narrow sexual tolerance. I would very much like an extension that auto blocks any review or article that uses the word woke because it’s always trash, useless sewage clogging up the internet tubes and making places like IMDB or amazon reviews un-usable to the general public. It’s spam that makes comments sections, social media and reviews not just pointless but sickening to wade into. We’re stuck in our bubbles because venturing out of curated moderated spaces is now a firehose of foxnews/terfy outrage because there’s money to be made from outrage and people happy to make these once neutral places into hate swamps. There’s no polarization on both sides: there’s people who want to exist in peace and pitchfork holding mobs who want them dead. It’s exhausting.
/rant
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Ok I’ve talked about the two pacings and use of time, the usa/uk confusion and the good character layering. I’d like to talk about the use of space and scope relating to emotions and I’m having trouble finding the right words. It’s not that the CGI is bad, it’s some very good CGI. It’s just at times the scale felt wrong Hell felt like a wasteland and then a dense trek, then the throne room was clean and cramped but also way too spacious. At times it was very obvious they were filming on a small backdrop made to look big with echo-y sound but the characters lack of interaction with the scenery meant it never felt real. Stuff like that. Just off. The first two episodes are near impeccable: the wind and humidity matches the space, the creatures are real looking. It’s later on that it’s starts to feel mismatched. At the end of ep3 the london addict’s flat felt too roomy, it had clutter but not the dirt and decay, it was a strange quality dropoff.
Then you’ve got what’s supposed to be a big emotional climax for Rose that’s done with a series of dreamscapes being merged and collapsed in CGI and it’s utterly hollow compared to the raw emotion she felt earlier in a small room watching someone fall apart. Her, and our, tether is to the people she loves and the huge set pieces take away from that. I think it’s just not something that translates the emotional core well and actually would pack a far stronger wallop with 6 people sat on folding chairs in a small blank room taking to eachother about the emotional impact of feeling violated that their dreams and nightmares are visible to eachother and blurring with reality.
It’s hard to watch when you know these are character actors who can pull off that kind of riveting raw acting. A CGI hurricane in a vast field does not convey the mental devastation of feeling exposed nor of losing grip on reality. It makes the internal visceral ache into an external visual metaphor that doesn’t hurt. CGI could have been used in a more intimate setting: all of the symbology could have been projected onto people trying to hold on to eachother.
It’s a very interesting contrast with the diner episode which does the same thing with no massive spectacle required, the transgression of saying thoughts is enough to be violent - far before any actual violence happens. These people we’ve come to love being laid emotionally bare with some visual effects and mostly words would have broken me into tiny pieces.
What i’m trying to say is that we dream and feel big but these things are inside: I felt that kid crinkle the little yellow post-it in his hand far stronger than anything in the vivid and horrifying dreams. For me and those I know well, mental illness and half waking nightmares manifest in all sorts of small gestures and sounds of distress, self soothing and self harm, it’s a claustrophobic experience which doesn’t take away from the large impact.
Not really sure how to explain how some story locations and pacing and tone felt too small and others too big for what they were trying to make us feel. The medium of tv and episodes is right, the length of the episodes is right, the actors are very good, the costuming excellent, this is very high quality storytelling, the emotional core is there and yet it’s sometimes at a distance because it wasn’t always given the correct beat and focus at the right time between other beats. If that makes any sense at all.
There is a special cramped uglyness to the comics that makes it scratchy and gnawing: something they’ve managed to capture with the actors closeups but not necessarily with the storyboarding of these visually larger ideas.
#saf#movie reviews#tv reviews#the sandman spoilers#the sandman#horror#fantasy#Eventually I'll edit this to be more concise and precise. Bullet lists. Less rambling.
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This particular gudaguda event’s story is rather short but it’s also probably one of my favorites out of the others so far actually???
#idk#it feels more grounded and less wacky lol#I’m really enjoying the character development for Nobukatsu#rambling#I’m doing the raids now ahh#I should get some sleep though since I have my virtual on onboarding review in the morning for my new job
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BTS fic recs: December 2023
HAPPY NEW YEARS!! 🥳 May every single one of you lovely people out there have the best and brightest year to come ✨
I want to thank each and every writer on this list for creating such wonderful stories and art - you are truly amazing ✨ All the fics on this list hold a dear place in my heart 🥹
❗Most of these fics are smutty as hell, so minors dni.❗
If you read anything on this list and you like it, please leave a comment to the writer or reblog the original fic’s post 💜And if you want more fic recs you can follow me to stay updated 🙂
BTS fic rec index → May | Jun | Jul | Aug | Sep (jjk)(knj) | Oct (pjm) | Nov (*) | 💜 (ksj)(kth) |
Emoji meaning → angst = 🌩️, smut = 🥵, fluff = 🥰, comedy = 😂, yandere = 😈, thriller/dark = 👻, personal favorites = 💯.
Namjoon
⭐Good Neighbor @sugaurora [0.7K]
// knj x f.reader // neighbors!au, winter!au // 🥰🥰🥰
📝 Namjoon’s solitary tendencies versus the cookies. Spoiler: The cookies win.
🗨️ God, this was so fucking sweet 🥹 like sugary sweet fluffy fantastic! I loved it 💖 the way Namjoon just observes oc, and then helping her in the end 👏🏾 even though this is short, it’s fucking brilliant. The writing is just 😘😘 like I wished there was so much more, but I’m also so pleased with just what is 😌
⭐A Word from our Sponsors 💯 @ugh-yoongi [17.5K]
// knj x f.reader // podcast!au, f2l, idiots to lovers // 😂🥵🥰
📝 You’ve co-hosted a podcast with namjoon for three years; have known him even longer. the two of you have always been the picture of platonic, but that hasn’t stopped the internet from doing what the internet does. the shipping? a little weird at first, but you can understand it: two attractive twenty-somethings always in close proximity to one another, obvious (platonic!) chemistry—people have created ships for less. the fanfiction, though? also pretty funny… until you can’t stop thinking about it.
🗨️ Okay. This. Was. Exceptional ✨🥹 I am slightly speechless, so this review might be short or long or just a rambling of my dainty thoughts. Here goes: it was amazing, seriously one of the best fics I’ve ever read 😭 everything just had that perfect flow, the writing was incredible, like I can’t even speak? The characters, out of this world fantastic ✨ the whole thing, just, perfect. Perfection. I don’t know what else to call it, sorry. The world building and tension was so fucking delicious I just ate it up! 😭 And their banter and chemistry was just off the charts amazing. Perfection. And it was so fucking hilarious too!! Many times I was just laughing or chuckling, like the lovesick fool I am 😂 it was definitely worth it to stay up late tonight to finish this masterpiece ✨ And them reading the fanfiction 💀 😂 priceless ✨👏🏾
Seokjin
⭐The IKEA Test by @yoon-bug [9.1K]
// ksj x f.reader // established relationship // 🥵🥰😂
📝 One review on IKEA’s website called the BRIMNES bed frame the leading cause of divorce due to its difficult assembly. You and Seokjin had laughed when you read it. Now, you weren’t so sure.
🗨️ Their banter and all the sexual innuendos are damn hilarious! I thoroughly enjoyed this very much 💜
⭐I Don’t Think I’m Okay by @ressjeon [4K]
// ksj x f.reader // slice of life, idiots to lovers!au, childhood friends!au // 🥵🥰🌩️
📝 With many chances wasted, you couldn’t even resist anymore.
🗨️ A cute little Seokjin fic 🥰
⭐Turn Back Time 💯 by @raplinesmoon [13.3K]
// ksj x f.reader // time travel!au // 🥵🥰🌩️😂
📝 After total humiliation at his middle school baseball try outs, Kim Seokjin wants nothing more than for his awkward years to fade away until he’s thirty. Cue a magic baseball glove, and his wish is finally granted. Seokjin suddenly wakes up seventeen years later, now the star pitcher of the team he’d always dreamed of playing for. Confused and overwhelmed at the prospect of the new life waiting for him, he turns to the only person who seems to understand him — you. Will Seokjin learn what it truly means to be thirty, flirty, and thriving? Or will he find himself wishing he could turn back time?
🗨️ Seokjin’s childhood/school was just, ugh, I really felt heartache for thirteen year old Seokjin 🥹 So very common as a kid, to wish you’re older – and then it’s just not what he expected at all. I really loved it! There were a few times I was laughing so damn hard, times where I was shedding a few tears as well. Just, incredibly good; very well written, the story was captivating and motivating, just yeah, brilliant. (Sorry, I’m suddenly bad with words). I loved the ‘lessons’ he learned, and then having the luxury (I’m using that word because we don’t have that irl) of going back to his childhood (almost like starting over) and damn it was good 👏💯
Yoongi
⭐Sinful Lust [series; ongoing] 💯 by @oddinary4bts [wordcount loading…]
// myg x jjk x f.reader // established relationship, bisexual boyfriend!Yoongi, slice of life // 🥵🌩️
📝In an attempt to spice up your bedroom life with your boyfriend Min Yoongi, you suggest bringing another man into the action. Yoongi seems reluctant at first, but when you mention his friend Jeon Jungkook, he can’t deny his attraction. All that’s left to do is to convince Jungkook into participating…
🗨️ Holy 😱 😱 😱 this is just completely unadulterated sin 🥵🫣 I can not describe how much I love this fic! It has A LOT of angst and at times it’s just sad reading how each character falls apart 😭 it’s amazing! If you’re into stories that will have you question your own morals and who to root for, this is for you 💖
⭐In Between the Pages of You [series; ongoing] @unique-high [wordcount loading…]
// myg x f.reader // s2l // 🥰😂🌩️
📝 Yoongi fell in love with you. A girl he had never even met before. Knew everything that you were made up of within 96 pages of a worn red journal with a nirvana sticker on front, with coffee and tea-stained pages that also smelled of lilacs and summer.
🗨️ I can already tell that this story will be amazing; it’s so sweet, cute and tender. The storyline/idea is really cute and fluffy, like who wouldn’t love that?? 😭 And as someone who wrote countless journals as a teen, this one just hits differently. It’s so cute and the concept is gold 💜 I really, really look forward to reading the next chapters and what Yoongi will uncover of OC through her journal. And if he can return it to her sometime and they meet! 🥹
⭐F*ck Christmas 💯 @sailoryooons [23.4K]
// myg x f.reader // f2l // 🥰🥵
📝 Making hating Christmas your entire personality was never the plan. Then again, it seems bad things only ever happen around Christmas - like discovering your fiancé cheating on you, forcing you to move back to your sleepy hometown. But Min Yoongi happens to love Christmas, and if there is one thing your very stubborn childhood crush is going to do, it’s try to reignite your Christmas spirit. Even if he has to force-feed it to you with gingerbread cookies and too-sweet eggnog.
🗨️ Gosh, I remember reading this sometime last year and it was perfection - it still is! ✨ It’s so so so fucking good. If you haven’t read it, please do so 🥹 it’s also one of the best Christmasy fics 💜
Hoseok
⭐Ho Ho Horrible 💯 @ugh-yoongi [5.6K]
// jhs x f.reader // e2l, neighbor!au, holiday!au // 🥵🥰😂
📝 (or, the one where your neighbor is a relentless christmas caroler and refuses to take a hint, but at least he's really hot.)
🗨️ No– this was just so freaking cute! 😭 Like fluffy cute and also extremely funny, just what I love. I loved this so much 💜 OC’s friendship with Tae, their banter was 💯 and then with Hobi, just so so good! It was so cute and OC’s internal dialogue is just funny 😂A really cute holiday themed Hoseok fic that I can’t recommend enough!!!! Everything was just great. Had me smiling and giggling a few times – please go read it 🥹💜
⭐Started with a Sparkle, now we’re on Fire @the-boy-meets-evil [6.5K]
// jhs x f.reader // f2l // 🥵
📝 You're feeling self conscious about your recent break-up and hoseok is more than happy to teach you a thing or two.
🗨️ Really really good! I really liked it 💜 I really loved how both sweet and demanding Hoseok was, guiding oc through everything.
Jimin
⭐Couchsurfer 💯 @heartbeatan [6K]
// pjm x f.reader // s2l // 🥵🥰
📝 This was left intentionally blank 🫥
🗨️ Omg this was so fucking good! 💯 First, really well written and the pacing was lovely, even though it’s short and one night they spend together 🥹 the build up of their tension and their chemistry was off the charts! So impeccably done! Fuck. I loved it ✨ it’s insane how good this story is and Jimin is just so sweet, romantic and nasty 🥵 I can’t tell you how turned on I got by the description of how Jimin handled OC, like damn 🥵 this is so fucking good, please don’t sleep on the this beauty 💖 Normally, I’m not one for one night stands, because I catch feelings for the characters, but this has a lovely ending that I loved - so fucking good!
Lol. Can not stop screaming about this one. Please go read it, fuck. PLEASE 😌 ✨
⭐Paper Hearts @namfinessed [9K]
// pjm x f.reader // f2l, college!au // 🥰
📝 hearts fragile like paper, tear it or don’t?
🗨️ I think it is both cute and heartwarming, with their foolishness and stubbornness towards each other. I loved how the fic becomes full circle with the description of love by both Jimin and reader and then again at the end - really, really beautiful! 😍 I really loved this, it was well written, their friendship and love really shined through too! If you haven’t read this one yet, you really should 💜
Taehyung
⭐The Wannabe-Photographer Chronicles [series] by @gimmethatagustd [14K]
// kth x f.reader // frenemies to lovers // 🥵
📝 You’re so tired of Kim Taehyung’s hipster, wannabe-photographer ass. You’re so tired of Kim Taehyung’s stupid smile and stupid jokes and stupid way of getting under your skin and sticking in your brain.
🗨️ At first I did not realize that this was a series, therefore I’ve linked to the masterlist, lol. Anyway, this series is just so fucking hot, like WHAT 🥵 There’s a lot of banter and their mutual ‘hatred’ for each other just makes this hit incredible hard. Really amazing ✨
⭐Loverboy 💯 by @kookslastbutton [7.1K]
// kth x f.reader // established relationship // 🥵🥰🌩️
📝 After a startling conversation with your coworkers, you start feeling insecure about your sexual prowess. You don't initiate as much, you haven't worn lingerie yet, and you're still timid about doing much seducing with your body–are you giving your boyfriend boring sex? Taehyung reassures you that you are perfect and have nothing to worry about.
🗨️ These coworkers gotta go, okay?! 😠🤣 Planting seeds of doubt in OC’s head, no, no. Tae to the rescue!! He is so sweet in this too, yes a real ‘loverboy’ 😍 Gosh and then best friend Jimin - that was just pure gold, their relationship and how he helps OC 🥹 That is friendship goals!! A sweet, loving and comforting Taehyung fic - I loved it ✨
⭐Hush, yeah? [series; ongoing/hiatus] by @kithtaehyung [wordcount loading…]
// kth x f.reader // brother’s best friend!au, music festival!au // 🥵
📝 Who knew an innocent accident could turn things so dirty..
🗨️ Pure gold ✨ — I don’t really have much to say, except GO READ IT.
⭐Under wraps by @jungkxook [15K]
// kth x f.reader // e2l, fake dating // 🥵🥰
📝 There’s nothing you and taehyung seem to hate more than each other - except for christmas. having recently been dumped by your (now ex) boyfriend only seems to make this holiday even worse. but when taehyung suggests that you should pretend to be dating each other to save you both the embarrassment, pity, and bothersome questions from family and friends alike for a fun carefree month of celebrations, you can’t possibly say no.
🗨️ I just love me some good enemies to lovers AU 🥵 the relationship between OC and tae is really good, I think the tension between them was well built 👏🏾 I loved how their relationship unfolded and grew through their fake dating 🥹 the way OC realized she had feelings for him, but he had showed her before in his subtle moves, how much more he relaxed in her presence. I loved the interaction between oc and tae’s parents too, the way that they could obviously tell that OC was head over heels 😂 ah just, It was really really good! It was funny, it was comforting, and such a lovely read around Christmas! And the smut was sweet and tender (also hot!) 😍 a really great fic that I’ll add to my Christmas re-reads for years to come ✨ I loved it! Please go read it if you haven’t already 🥹
⭐Somebody Else 💯 by @jamaisjoons [4.2K]
// kth x f.reader ft. yoongi // established relationship + post break up!au // 🥵🌩️
📝 Yoongi doesn’t want you anymore. but he can’t stand watching you with someone else.
🗨️ Holy s– 🥵 I don’t even know where to begin with this one! It’s really good and the that is mainly from Yoongi’s pov makes it truly special – he is observing them and damn is it hot 🥵 Aish, really good 💯
Jungkook
Nothing this month 😞 — I AM SO SORRY that I haven’t read any with JK this month (though he is featuring in some with the other members). My JK ‘to read’ list is the LONGEST imao 😂 I’ll hopefully do better next month – but you can always check my Jungkook Library 💜
I have spend most of December being on holiday/time off, which gave me a lot of time to write my own stuff, which in the end gave me less time to read 😣 But it’s all good! I loved getting some stories and thoughts out of my head and now there’s space to read and obsess over other’s stories again 😀
Borahae 💜
#bts fic recs#bts fic#bts fics#bts imagine#bts imagines#bts scenarios#yoongi smut#Yoongi x reader#bts smut#namjoon x reader#bts x reader#bts fanfiction#bts fanfic#bts fanfction#bts x reader smut#bts x you#bts x y/n#bts x oc#jimin x reader#pjm x reader#seokjin x reader#hoseok x reader#knj x reader#jhs x reader#bangtan x reader#bangtan smut#bangtan fanfic#bangtan fic#happy new years
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Somewhere I belong
Aaron Hotchner x Fem! Reader
Warnings: Alcohol and Fluff
Summary: Aaron has a little liquid courage and breaks the rules.
Word count: 598
Prompt: "I think you're bluffing." "Am I?"
This is for the CM Office Party Challange for @imagining-in-the-margins
Things have not been going well for me lately and I know it's been quite a while since I have posted something. I hope you all enjoy this and have happy holidays.
A loud laugh slipped past your painted blood red lips as you looked around the table and down at the shot glass in your hand. The whole team was present and the more time you spent together the more you felt like you belonged on the team. You had just had your year review and you passed with flying colors thankfully. “Alright. Everyone ready?” Derek asked as everyone at the table nodded. There was laughter and giggles as the shot was tossed back. You were starting to feel your head get a little fuzzy and decided maybe it was time to take a little break. “I’ll be right back. Gonna get some fresh air.”
You stood up and smoothed down your tight gold dress that left little to the imagination and hoped to God that you didn’t trip while wearing heels. You hated wearing them but none of your tactical boots went with the dress unfortunately. You let out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding when you made it to the outside patio area of the ballroom where the FBI Christmas party was being held. There were less people outside because it was extremely cold and you felt a chill start to run up your spine because you didn’t bring a jacket. The cold air was kind of a relief though. It helped clear your head from the multiple shots you had just taken.
You jumped when you felt a hand on your lower back and turned around so fast you lost your footing. Two large hands wrapped around your waist to keep you upright and you looked up to see Aaron standing there holding you up. Your mouth suddenly went dry and you were pretty confident your heart skipped a beat. “You good?” He questioned as you stood up straight and nodded. There was a moment of silence where you both stared into each other’s eyes, you were still in his arms as he reached a hand up and lightly brushed a curl out of your face and tucked it behind your ear. His hand cupped your cheek and you leaned into the touch. His thumb brushed along your cheek bone and you felt like your legs were going to give out.
“I’m not quite sure when I am going to have the confidence to do this again. And it’s highly inappropriate. But sometimes you find someone worth breaking the rules for.” He was starting to ramble, and you felt your cheeks start to heat up and turn red. “I have very…strong feelings for you.” As the words left his mouth you were sure your heart stopped beating. His fingertips traced from your cheek and down the side of your neck. They lightly traced down your arm till he was able to intertwine your fingers with his. “I think you’re bluffing.” You managed to whisper out as you blinked away tears. He smiled and leaned down to capture your lips with his in a passionate kiss. When he pulled away, he grinned. “Am I?” he questioned, and you wrapped your arms tightly around him in a hug. When his arms wrapped around you it felt like all your broken pieces were starting to fit back together. “So should I assume you reciprocate those feelings?” He held you tight and you nodded. “More than you could ever know.” He chuckled and kissed the top of your head.
Emily turned to Derek with a grin. “You owe me 20 bucks!” She said as the rest of the team watched Aaron lean down to kiss you again.
#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfic#criminal minds gen fic#criminal minds fluff#fluffy#fluff#criminal minds fic#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner#aaron hotch x reader#aaron hotch imagine#aaron hotch fanfiction#aaron hotch hotchner#christmas#holiday#hotch x reader#criminal minds x reader
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Book Review 70 – American Psycho by Brett Easton Ellis
I’m honestly not sure I ever would have gotten around to reading this on my own, but ended up buying it through the ‘blind date with a book’ thing a bookstore in New York was doing when I was visiting (incredible gimmick, for the record). The fact that it then took me a solid three months to actually finish probably tells you something about how genuinely difficult a read I found it. Not in the sense of being bad, but just legitimately difficult to stomach at points. Overall I’d call it a real triumph of literature.
Not that anyone doesn’t already know, but; the book is spent inside the head of Patrick Bateman, high-flying wall street trader and Harvard blueblood at the close of the Reagan era. Also a serial killer. The story is told as a series of more or less disconnected vignettes, jumping from dinner conversations at one exclusive bar or club or another to the brutal torture and murder of a sex worker to several pages of incredibly vapid pontification on Nina Simone’s discography. The story vaguely tracks Bateman growing ever-more alienated and out of control as the year goes on, but there’s very much not any real single narrative or cathartic climax here. - most stuff just happens (stuff that’s either incredibly tedious or utterly nauseating by turns but still just, stuff).
So yeah this is an intensely literary work (obviously), a word I’m here using to mean one that is as much about the form and style of the writing as about the actual events portrayed. Bateman is a monster, but more than that he’s just an utterly boring and tedious husk of a man, traits which are exaggerated to the point of being fascinating– if you told this story in conventional third person narration without all the weird asides, it would be a) like half as long and b) totally worthless. The tonal whiplash of going from an incredibly visceral depiction of Bateman cutting out the eyes of a homeless man to six (utterly insipid) pages on the merits of The Doors is the selling point here (well actually I think Ellis goes back to that specific well probably one time too many, but in general I mean).
Bateman is a tedious, unstable monster, but as far as the book has an obvious thesis it’s that he differs from the rest of his social milieu only in degree. A symptom of a fundamentally rotten society, not a heroic devil among sheep. The book’s climax, such as it is, involved Bateman getting into a drug-fueled gunfight with the NYPD, shooting multiple people in the middle of the street, and then stumbling home and leaving a rambling confession to every crime on his lawyer’s answering machine – but despite very clearly wanting and trying to get caught and face some sort of consequence or justice, people just refuse to believe that someone like him is capable of anything like that. (It’s not, it must be said, an especially subtle book).
There is, as far as I can recall, not a single character who gets enough screentime to give an idea of their personality who I’d call likeable. Sympathetic, sure, but that’s mostly because it’s pretty much impossible not to sympathize with someone getting horrifically tortured and torn apart (at one point a starving rat is involved). The upper crust of New York yuppie-dom is portrayed as shallow and vapid, casually bigoted towards quite literally everyone who isn’t identical to them, status-obsessed to the point of only being able to understand the world as a collection of markers of class and coolness, and totally incapable of real human connection. Bateman is a monster not because of any freak abnormality, but just because he takes all of that a few steps further than his coworkers.
The book is totally serious and straight-faced in its presentation, and absolutely never acknowledges any of the running gags that are kept up through it. Which shows impressive restraint, and also means that none of them exactly have a payoff or a punchline – it’s just a feature of the world that all the expensive meals at trendy restaurants everyone competes for tables at sound disgusting when you think about them for a moment, or that the whole class of wall street trader guy are so entirely interchangeable that ostensible close friends and coworkers constantly mistake each other for other traders and no one particularly cares. Or – and I’m taking this on faith because fuck knows I’ve got no idea what any of the brands people are wearing are – that the ruinously expensive outfits everyone spends so very much time and money on for every engagement all clash comically if you actually looked up what the different pieces looked like. The book’s in no way really a comedy, so the jokes sit a bit oddly, but they’re still overall pretty funny, at least to me.
I like to think I have something of a strong stomach for unpleasant material in books, but this was the first work of fiction that I had genuine trouble reading for content reasons in I can’t even remember. I’m not sure it’s exactly right to call the violence pornographic in a general sense, but as far as American Psycho goes the register and tone Bateman uses to describe fucking a woman and torturing her to death are basically identical (and told in similarly explicit detail), and all of Bateman’s sexual fantasies are more or less explicitly just porn scenes he wants to recreate, so. Regardless, the result’s pretty alienating in both cases – his internal monologue never really feels anything but detached and almost bored as he relays what he does, sound exactly as vapid and alienated as when he is carefully listing the exact brands and designers every person he ever interacts with is wearing at all times, or arguing over dinner reservations for hours on end with his friends and lovers (though both those terms probably deserve heavy airquotes around them). He legitimately sounds considerably more engaged when talking about arguing over sartorial etiquette. It all adds up to a really strong alienating effect.
Anyways, speaking of sex and violence – perhaps because my main exposure to the story before this was tumblr making memes out of scenes from the movie, but I was pretty shocked by just how explicitly awful Patrick is ‘on screen’. The horrible murder, sure, but also just the casual and frequent use of racist and homophobic slurs, the pathological misogyny, the total breakdown he has at the idea of a gay man being attracted to him and thinking he might reciprocate – all of these are entirely in character for an asshole Wall Street ‘80s Guy even if he wasn’t a serial killer, but it’s still oddly shocking at first to see it so thoroughly represented on the page. It makes how comparatively soft-pedaled the bigotry and just, awfulness, of villains in a lot of more modern books stand out a lot more, I suppose? I have read a lot of books that are in some sense About queerness and/or racism in the last year, and no one in any of them holds a candle to good old Patrick Bateman.
Part of that is just the book being so intensely of its time, I suppose. The New York of this book is very much one of the late ‘80s, incredible wealth living side by side with social rot and decay, crippling poverty everywhere and a society that has to a great degree just stopped caring. Absolutely none of which Bateman or any of his peers care one bit about, of course – they’re too busy showing off the latest walkmans and record players, going to the newest clubs, and just generally enjoying all the fruits of Reagan’s America. Recent history has made the fact that Bateman’s personal idol is Donald Trump almost too on the nose to be interesting, but in 1991 I’m sure it was a bit more subtle in how telling it was.
Anyway, yeah, horrifying and exhausting read, triumph of literature, my god did Easton Ellis hate America (this is a compliment). Now time to go watch the movie!
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Childe with an already pregnant darling, he’s supposed to be more like a live in midwife or nurse for them because of course you’d get him instead of the rumoured to be faulty Dottore… Childes totally the safer option, no chance HE’D get his wires crossed… he’s so sweet, there to comfort you when your partner suddenly disappears without a word… so caring so faithful to his master.. always there when you need more help than usual, going out so you can stay home safe!! No need to worry about it… you just hope he gets along well with the baby that’s about to take all your attention away from him
tw - pregnancy, unhealthy relationships, implied drug use, codependence, and obsessive behavior.
to be fair, he really is the safer option. Childe is versatile, as good of a bodyguard as he is a live-in maid, and he comes so highly recommended - while some people complain that Dottore's too intense and Jean's too overbearing and Kokomi just isn't good with kids, but you haven't heard one stressed mother or exhausted father give him anything but glowing reviews. he lives up to his reputation, too. you really just need him for little things, to help you run errands, and schedule appointments, and rub your back while you... uh, deal with your morning sickness, but he's always hovering by your side, always bringing you bowls of fruit and herbal teas, always checking-in when he hears you tossing and turning in the middle of the night. he's good at what he's intended for, too, as much as you don't believe everything he says about orgasms-based cramp relief. for obvious reasons, you don't have a lot of energy, but he's always willing to pick up the slack, to gather you up in his arms after a bad day and hold you in his lap until you're too blissed-out to worry about everything that might go wrong in a few months. he's good at that, keeping you distracted.
you'd worried about him not wanting to deal with a baby, too, about his place in the Harbinger Collection making him less-than-happy about being forced into 'peasant's work' (as you once heard a friend's Signora model say), but he was more excited than you were when it came time to decorate the nursery, and he's never been anything short of giddy to shop for baby clothes and ramble about all the sickeningly domestic things he's going to do for you and your baby as he gets the chance to. he slips up, sometimes, picks the wrong word and refers to himself as a 'dad' or finds a way to make it sound like your child is his, that the three of you have always been one little, happy family, but you can't honestly say you mind, not when he's so helpful, not when he's so willing to act like the father-figure he so obviously sees himself as - always rushing to make you whatever over-complicated meal you're craving and stealing your phone just to steal extra pictures of your ultrasound or the cute pair of tiny, pastel baby shoes he saw in the window of a boutique while he was walking home, after stealing your list and running out for groceries while you were taking one of your increasingly frequent midday naps, of course.
you love him. he's just so attentive, and he's always there to help, and you can practically feel how much he cares when he pulls you against his chest, hiding his face in your neck as he rubs gentle, shallow circles into your stomach. he's nice, and caring, and honestly...
you're just not sure how you'd get by without him, anymore.
#genshin sex doll au#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere imagines#yandere x you#yandere prompts#yandere genshin imagines#yandere genshin x reader#genshin imagines#yandere genshin impact#genshin impact#yandere childe#childe x reader#yanderecore#yancore
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I was wondering if you had any readings on the biological aspects of transitioning, especially with the info you use to deconstruct the transphobia argument that being transgender is ‘against biology’. Im a biological sciences major, but haven’t gotten to discuss (much less find resources on) this topic.
Thanks in advance.
Long and rambling response incoming! Sorry for leaving this in my inbox for a few weeks.
This is a very interesting topic to me, and doesn't really have a clean answer. Because its not really about the biology itself, its mostly about the philosophy of science, and how it interfaces with ethics, etymology, and societal understanding. The primary thing to understand is that science is *descriptive*. Morality or classifications are societal determinations that we use to "wrap" scientific observations- gender is therefore the societal "wrapper" to sex, which, over centuries, has snowballed and taken a social definition well past any biological system.
That being said, most of my arguments hinge on the totality of changes that are possible with HRT, and how they affect the molecular mechanisms of sex determination. To me, this sheer totality means that a trans man with significant time on HRT can actually be considered a "biological man", and vice versa for a trans woman. To me, the sheer extent to which cell expression patterns change, and structural elements of the body change, means that the way that transphobes use terminology like "biological sex" is bullshit.
And as I've said before, this is NOT a transmedicalist argument, and if I ever sound transmed, I am sorry. Part of the totality of this biological definition includes the interface of genetics, pyschology, and sociology that comprehensively includes all trans people, even those not on HRT. Rather, I use the changes of HRT as a way to demonstrate the plasticity of sex in humans and other animals, and how thin the barrier between sexes actually is. This punches holes in a lot of the propaganda that transphobes tend to roll out, and helps demonstrate how flimsy their talking points are.
All of this is to say, something can't be "against biology" because biology is morally neutral. It's not morality. It's not static definitions. It's a set of observations. But, our thinking about definitions and classifications can reflect and be advised by these observations. For me, it helped to think about HRT changes, because my personal mentality is one of a constructed identity. I define myself by what I am in the moment, and if I can document my current state, that helps define who I am- which is a woman. The biology of transition told me how deeply that is true, and continually becomes more true, on a molecular level.
So. Here's some individual papers and points that help guide my thinking on the topic, and how each helped me find peace with transitioning:
Medical descriptions of changes on HRT:
I'm sure everyone is familiar with this and the WPATH, but from the perspective of medical expectations. Instead, take a look at the changes documented here, and start thinking about how deep and profound they are- these cell types and body structure are sitting there just waiting to happen, and they are literally the same as their cis counterparts. This was huge for me in accepting that my post-HRT body wouldn't be "fake", and actually is literally the
Review paper of sex determination pathways in the animal kingdom:
Transphobes use chromosomes as a prescriptive definition of sex and gender. However, if you take a broader look and see how sex determination works in animals with similar genetic mechanisms as us, it becomes pretty clear that chromosomal sex determination is a late addition to the party. Essentially, most animals use a fairly random mechanism to ensure an advantageous sex ratio in their population. This is often environmental or based on some random gene on chromosome that looks nothing like XY sex determination, but if a large chromosomal deletion comes along, its a convenient way to keep the big version of the chromosome always paired with the small chromosome- for example, the X chromosome always being paired with another X, or its half-deleted pair, the Y chromosome. But there's nothing intrinsic about the chromosomes itself that define sex, its just an evolutionary ride-along mechanism.
So what does actually determine sex? Well, as with any broad scale developmental effect, one signalling molecule or gene can cause extensive downstream genetic effects, and that active, lived set of gene expression then defines what secondary sex characteristics develop.
(even though the main point is about spermatogenesis, it does provide a lot of nice summary figures about testosterone signalling)
While these papers don't talk about trans people, the introduction of cross-sex hormones will activate these pathways, and cause the wide variety of downstream transcriptional changes in gene activation. Essentially, the active genes in your body will follow the dominant upstream sex hormones in your body. If you're transfemme, on HRT, the active genes in your body are female ones. If you're transmasc, on HRT, the active genes in your body are male ones.
While I never explicitly studied trans people in my biology education, studying principles of gene regulation, chromosome biology, and just a tad of reproductive physiology means that I started to think about how all of those interface with the way we define ourselves in a lot of ways. And usually, that is dynamic- you can have developmental changes kicked off by signalling molecules later in life, and it would be deranged to ignore those changes out of spite and insist that the biological system is still the thing it was before. Sex determination is not exempt from that.
Again, I use HRT changes as an example, but you can find many similar papers on the psychology of transness even pre-HRT.
But, I would caution against trying to find a "root biological reason" for being trans pre-HRT- its likely too polymodal to accurately characterize. It's why I stray away from neurological papers and arguments here. That is an ENTIRELY different argument and this post is already long. But hey, every ask I get like this helps formalize my thoughts on the matter. Hope this helped!
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Hello and welcome to my 2023 reading wrap up! A big Thank You to everyone who followed my ramblings throughout the year! <3 I will continue through 2024. Maybe I'll learn how to write proper reviews, at least I'll try to remember better what I actually want to say about the stories.
In 2022, I read 93 books plus my own. Guess how many it were in 2023? 93 plus my own!! xD That was huge coincidence and I love it.
Of these 94 books, 4 are rereads (which won't be included in the "Favourite" sections), 2 are non-fiction, 11 are non-queer. I only DNFed 1 book (which is not pictured) and other than that I only disliked 6 books! (And it's a pretty soft dislike in comparison. I don't hate them nearly enough to want to shit on them again. :'D).
So on the the awards!
Most Read Author:
KJ Charles (8 books)
Least Favourite Book:
Daresh (Katja Brandis) (the one I could not finish for dear life)
Favourite Character:
Brand (The Tarot Sequence) and Will (The Will Darling Adventures) (yes, there's a trend)
Favourite Covers (of books I read, not releases):
(There were too many. D:)
Highest Emotional Investment (aka The Agony, the suffering, the why you do this to me Award):
Dark Heir - The Scottish Boy - In Memoriam
Wildest Story:
The Adventures of Pinocchio
Favourite Books:
The Devil's Luck (L.S. Baird)
The Scottish Boy (Alex de Campi)
In Memoriam (Alice Winn)
Just Lizzie (Karen Wilfried)
Dark Heir (C.S. Pacat)
The Will Darling Adventures (KJ Charles)
Gwen & Art are not in Love (Lex Croucher)
The Buried and the Bound (Rochelle Hassan)
More Books I enjoyed greatly:
Oracle of Senders series (Mere Joyce)
Of Feathers and Thorns (Kit Vincent)
Wren Martin Ruins it all (Amanda deWitt)
Simon Snow series (Rainbow Rowell)
The Five Stages of Andrew Brawley (Shaun David Hutchinson)
The Tarot Sequence (K.D. Edwards)
The First and Last Adventure of Kit Sawyer (S.E. Harmon)
Sixteen Souls (Rosie Talbot)
By any Other Name (Erin Cotter)
The High King's Golden Tongue (Megan Derr)
and more!!
Most Used Name:
I counted names last year and didn't want to do it again this year because I read so much fantasy, so the names were all over. Still, there was one who stood out amongst them all with at least 4 instances, if not more. Probably more.
Will
Congratulations.
I have to admit, I've always liked that name. My favourite character of all times and part of my one and only OTP is named Will as well and I kinda hope the last book of their second trilogy never comes because it will probably make me scream and ... ...
Bonus!
This year, I counted pages! Because I felt that most books were much shorter than what I read before. So I wanted to know. Turns out, my feeling was wrong. My 93 books had a whole of 33011 pages which results in approximately 350 pages per book. That's pretty normal I dare say.
That's it for 2023!
I had a very good year in books. I wanted to read less actually, and failed spectacularly because I had too much fun. And if anyone's wondering how I read so much, I read fast and I just didn't do anything else in my free time. Escapism to the max.
I hope, the new year treats you well! I hope, you have fun with the books you read! Let's meet again soon! <3
#yaku reads#best of#2023#books#favorite books#bookblr#book recs#queer books#lgbtq books#queer lit#the tarot sequence#the will darling adventures#in memoriam#the scottish boy#dark heir#gwen and art are not in love#the buried and the bound#the devil's luck
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