#learn to behave instead of blowing up on me and expecting me to be normal afterward. dont even try to apologize | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

witcher-and-his-bard-archive · 3 years

Text

Someone Else (I'm Still Right Here)

also on ao3

minor warning for Geralt coming on to Jask when he doesn't know who he is, but nothing comes from it.

They've hardly been in town long enough for anything to go wrong and yet, Jaskier finds his thoughts interrupted by banging on the door of their room. If it was Geralt, he would simply let himself in even if he didn't have his hands free to open the door properly, so it must be important. Jaskier rises from the bed, setting his lute aside with a sigh. He detests being interrupted while he's working for anything less than an emergency - and judging by the fact that the knock hasn't come again, this is hardly an emergency.

He saunters to the door, pulling it open to find the face of the innkeeper's wife staring back at him anxiously.

"Sorry to interrupt," she says, "it's your Witcher, sir. Something's happened and no one is... well, they're all afraid to get too close to him. They called in the healer from the next town, but-"

Jaskier frowns. The contract was for a pair of drowners, not even a nest of the damn things. Geralt could have taken them out in his sleep - so what went so terribly wrong?

Jaskier lets himself be led downstairs, doing his best to mask worry with intrigue, but it isn't working. The innkeeper's wife leads him to the edge of the forest where her husband is waiting, a look of pained concern on his face. Jaskier's stomach drops as the man just points into the trees, and he hurries forward without delay. If the people in town won't help Geralt, he will certainly do his best.

When he finds him, Geralt is in a bad state. His eyes are still dark from the potions - probably why the locals wouldn't come near - and there's blood streaked down the side of his face.

Jaskier stays quiet. It's bad enough that Geralt can hear his pulse racing, he doesn't need to make his fear any more obvious to him. He kneels down on the soft ground, assessing the damage before moving him. He's learned from experience that one wrong move can make a wound worse rather than better.

"Okay," he says once he's satisfied. "I'm just gonna pull this off," he taps on Geralt's left pauldron, "make sure your head is the only thing you banged up." Jaskier frowns as he says it, but Geralt seems, as usual, unconcerned. He's much better behaved than usual though, which strikes Jaskier as being particularly odd.

He ignores it and pushes through, tearing an already ripped piece of Geralt's shirt to wipe away some of the blood. Geralt will be grouchy about it later, but if Jaskier replaces it, he can't be too angry. He does his best to clean Geralt's skin and he finds just the one injury - a hefty blow to the head. Not that it seems to be bothering Geralt any.

But when Jaskier cups his jaw, tipping his head to one side, Geralt hums. It catches him off guard and Jaskier jerks back to look at him.

"Your hands feel nice," Geralt breathes and leans into the touch. Okay. So maybe the head injury is more serious than it appears. The innkeeper's wife said a healer was coming, Jaskier will mention it to them when they arrive. Or maybe it's just the blood loss. Either way, the healer will be better prepared to deal with it than he is.

"What are you doing here?" Geralt asks.

"The innkeeper's wife came to collect me. Figured someone ought to come and collect you."

"No one else would even get near me."

"Yes, well, I'm not everyone else, am I?"

"Hmm. Guess not."

Jaskier comes around to look at him, straddling his thighs and Geralt leans forward, resting his head on his shoulder and nuzzling into his neck.

"Yes yes," Jaskier hums, "I know you're tired, darling, but we have to get you up and back to town."

Geralt is reluctant, but he lets himself be hauled to his feet and doesn't even complain about Jaskier propping him up as they make their way back toward town. He's quiet, which is to be expected, but Jaskier is worried that he's keeping something from him, that he's worse off than he seems because Geralt seems quite happy to let himself be assisted - something he would regularly fight against.

As they make it back to the inn, Jaskier knows everyone is watching them and he scolds a couple of them for not offering to help when a man was injured. He takes Geralt up to their room and ducks out from under his arm, leaving him alone for a moment so he can get the fire lit and ready the bed for him. But before he can do either, he finds himself pressed up against the room door with Geralt's face mere inches from his own.

The dark veins and darker eyes are… sexier than they have any right to be and Jaskier swallows back a groan, pressing a gentle hand to Geralt's chest. The Witcher is still woozy and unsteady on his feet, but he resists being pressed back and Jaskier frowns at him.

"Mm, as much fun as this is, I doubt you'll think so highly of me in the morning, darling." Geralt smiles slyly and, for a split second, Jaskier worries that he's become Geralt's quarry, that the toxins running through Geralt's body are really as bad as he always claims they are and that he is, in fact, in real danger around him. But then Geralt leans in, bumping his nose against Jaskier's and any thoughts of fear dissipate immediately.

Instead, Jaskier ducks down and away, holding both arms out as Geralt follows him.

"Geralt," he asks, "what's gotten into you? Not that I mind, but-" he eyes him carefully and Geralt just grins at him again.

"Don't be coy with me, bard, this is what you brought me here for."

"Um. No? I brought you here to rest, to put you to bed not take you to bed, and find you something to eat. This is our room, Geralt, not my room. They only had one left and I didn't think you'd mind-"

"Our room?" Geralt interrupts and Jaskier nods. Worry creeps in and he looks closely at Geralt. His eyes are black still, though the veins are retreating and he seems brighter than usual, not so gloomy.

"Yes?"

"Why would we be sharing a room," Geralt huffs, "I've only just met you."

Jaskier gawks at him. It's not like Geralt to play games, that's Lambert's area of expertise - and this is stupid and obvious even for Lambert's tastes. But something is off about Geralt tonight. The worry turns to fear and Jaskier suddenly wonders if the man he's brought back is his Witcher at all.

He's never met a doppler, but he's heard Geralt tell stories about them. For the most part, they're harmless, but Jaskier suspects they can be paid or bribed like anyone else and the thought of a stranger here in the room with his things, with Geralt's things-

"I thought you wanted sex," maybe-Gealt says again, slightly confused but not at all dissuaded. Normally Jaskier would take it as a compliment that he was still so enthusiastic about fucking him, but this feels very, very wrong. And yet a part of him still considers it.

If it is a doppler, there's no harm really. He's consenting and Jaskier is more than happy to fuck a man with Geralt's face (he doesn't think too much about how that will affect him after it's fine). Right? But there's still a nagging feeling that this isn't a doppler. He'd know, he thinks, if he brought someone else home with him.

"Can you just-" he says, backing up toward the bed where his bag is sitting on the floor. Maybe-Geralt just watches him with confusion as he crouches down and pulls his dagger from his pack.

It's just a little thing, but it's pure silver, gifted to him by Geralt in case of emergency.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Jaskier says, holding it out, "I just need you to touch this."

Maybe-Geralt gives him a questioning look but reaches out and takes the dagger from him, turning it over in his hand. Nothing happens.

"Hmm," he says, "nice weight, well made. A little decorative maybe-"

"Doesn't hurt?" Jaskier asks and maybe-Geralt, who is seeming more and more like just Geralt laughs.

"Not unless you stab someone with it."

Jaskier valiantly ignores the little smirk and shuts his eyes.

"Okay," he says, "start at the beginning, what do you remember?"

"I… woke up in the forest and then you showed up," he smiles at him and Jaskier is already preparing a refusal.

"Listen, Geralt, I am your friend and you would probably even argue that-"

"How come? You're very handsome and you've been helpful and kind-"

"But it's not like that, Geralt. It never has been. I offered once and you were… less than impressed with me." Geralt says nothing and Jaskier takes the opportunity to reign the conversation in. "Can I clean you up now? Something is obviously wrong and we have to get you to a doctor."

"They said a healer was coming."

"I was thinking of someone a little more professional," Jaskier says and Geralt gives him a look. "We have a mutual friend who may be able to help. But for now, you've got me and I'd like to take a look at that wound."

Geralt relents and Jaskier finally succeeds in getting him sat on the bed without Geralt trying to come on to him again. He pulls Geralt's hair back and ties it out of his face, it'll need to be washed later, but he's not going to try and explain how it's fine for him to wash his hair but not fuck him right now.

The wound itself it's so bad, a bit swollen, a bit bruised, but the actual gash is small and very manageable. He cleans it first with water and then with vodka and applies a good amount of salve. He doesn't know which herbs Geralt combines for a poultice, so he bypasses that for the time being; when he gets him to Shani if the wound isn't healed on its own, she'll be able to tend to it.

He finds linen wrap at the bottom of his bag and presses it to Geralt's forehead, gently wrapping it around and tying it at his temple.

"Should be good for now. I'll go down and have supper brought up. Do you want a bath?"

"No. Thank you."

"Alright. Just… stay here, I'll be back."

As soon as the bedroom door is shut, Jaskier closes his eyes, but he waits until he reaches the main floor to lean against the wall and sigh. He has no idea what he's going to do. He never thought he'd be sad to see the day Geralt tried to get him into bed, but it feels so wrong. He'd rather spend the rest of his life failing to impress Geralt than spend another five minutes with him like this.

He takes his time ordering food, half-hoping that Geralt will be asleep by the time he gets back to the room, but their supper is ready quickly and Jaskier reluctantly takes it back up to their room, setting the tray on the table beside the bed.

Geralt at least spares him conversation while they eat and then Jaskier sets the dishes aside and strips out of his clothes for bed, already dreading having to share a bed. He keeps his shorts on and waits until Geralt is already in bed before climbing in after him.

The fire is burning low already, so he's not worried about it, but he blows out the candle beside the bed and pulls the blankets up over himself. He faces out into the room, preferring not to see Geralt right now. It feels weird to want to avoid him and it makes his chest ache because this is Geralt, but it's not. He just wants his Geralt back.

He shuts his eyes and tries to sleep but Geralt is cuddly like this, shifting closer and pressing up against him. He gets an arm around Jaskier's waist and Jaskier squeezes his eyes shut. It's everything he thinks about during the long nights sleeping around a campfire, but he can't let himself give into it. But it feels good because it's Geralt's arm around him, Geralt's chest pressed to his back, Geralt's breath against his neck. He very nearly whines because it's so damn unfair.

But then Geralt's lips press against the back of his neck and a little gasp escapes his lips, unintentionally. He ignores it the first time, but then he does it again and when he shifts closer, Jaskier can feel the length of his cock pressing against his ass. And fuck, that's hard to turn down, but Jaskier wrenches himself out of Geralt's arms.

"I can't," he whispers, unconvincing even to himself.

"You want it, though," Geralt hums, "I can smell it on you."

"Maybe," Jaskier confesses, "but not like this. Not when you don't know who I am. Not when fucking any other person in this place would be the same for you. I can't, Geralt. Go to sleep."

Jaskier hates how disappointed Geralt sounds when he pulls away, but he doesn't try again and Jaskier almost finds himself wishing he would. He tugs the blanket a little tighter around himself and pulls his knees to his chest, trying to force back the fear that he might not get his Geralt back.

In the morning, Geralt wakes first and Jaskier is relieved to find himself alone in bed, although he worries about where Geralt has gotten to. But when he drags himself out of bed, he finds Geralt packed and ready to go with a hearty breakfast waiting for him.

"What's all this?" Jaskier asks, "trying to get away from me all of a sudden?" It comes out more bitter than he intends and he winces at the tone of his own voice.

"You were so sad, last night," Geralt says quietly. "I don't know how to fix this, how to remember you, but I thought you'd want to get started early. I had breakfast brought up." He offers a soft smile, gesturing to the food and Jaskier's heart flip-flops.

"Oh. Thank you."

"I've eaten. Take your time and we can leave when you're finished."

"Right."

Geralt just sits on the bed while Jaskier eats his breakfast and contemplates the fact that this is still his Geralt, as much as it doesn't seem like it. His own things are still ready to go and he has no idea who to go to to collect the reward for the drowners, but it couldn't have been much anyway, so he's not worried about it. Geralt won't be pleased about it when he remembers himself, but there's only so much Jaskier knows how to handle and he wants to get Geralt to Shani as quickly as possible.

They head out mid-morning, and Geralt insists on letting Jaskier ride, which is… nice, in a concerning way. Roach is equally confused and concerned, but Jaskier does his best to comfort her. Thankfully, they aren't far from Oxenfurt or Jaskier isn't sure how he would cope.

Geralt walks alongside him, happy enough apparently to let Jaskier ride. He hums as they travel, a low wonderful sound that had Jaskier's heart fluttering, but it tears him in two because the song is his which means Geralt does remember something, but he's also so sad to see him this calm and relaxed knowing his goal is to take that away from him.

For now, he won't say anything, will just let Geralt enjoy the journey. When and if they find a way to get his memory back, he'll explain everything and give Geralt the chance to decline if he wishes. The selfish part of him hopes he doesn't.

They carry on in much the same way, but even when Geralt talks, Jaskier struggles to find it in himself to be too enthusiastic about anything. He's already in a difficult spot and he just wants to get through this, whatever the outcome. But it's obvious Geralt notices and that he's trying to distract him from it.

Jaskier tries to cheer up a little, if only for him, but he finds it difficult because he knows Geralt can tell how he's really feeling. But Jaskier appreciates the effort, either way.

"Remind me where we're going?" Geralt asks and Jaskier realizes he hasn't told him, Geralt just trusted him not to be leading him towards certain death.

"To Oxenfurt," he says, trying to sound cheerful, "it's one of my favourite places on the continent. I have a friend who practices medicine, she should be able to help."

"You don't have to pretend for me. I know you're sad, I know you miss him. Me. I wish I could give you your friend back."

Jaskier's heart clenches and he takes a steadying breath. "I'm fine," he says, "and I can't miss him, he's you and you're right here." He feels odd, like he's talking to a child, but Geralt just smiles at him, softly but like he doesn't believe him. Jaskier wouldn't either, he's never been good at lying to Geralt.

There's a heavy silence that falls after that and for some time they continue forward unspeaking. Jaskier twitches to feel the silence, to sing or talk to something just to keep from thinking that Geralt is upset with him. Then, abruptly, Geralt speaks.

"What kind of man am I?" Jaskier doesn't even have to think to answer that.

"You're kind," he says, "more than anyone gives you credit for. You always try to take the less violent route, even though your job is to kill monsters. You're generous and loving and you care so deeply for your friends and family."

He pauses for a moment, swallowing a lump in his throat. Because he's not included in that group. He knows Geralt must care for him, but not in the way he loves Eskel or Lambert, or even in the way his friendship with Shani or Zoltan comes so easily to him. Next to him, Geralt is silent for a moment and then.

"Jaskier are you-" Jaskier shuts his eyes, dreading whatever is coming next. "Do you love me?"

"Of course I do," he says, forcing cheeriness into his voice, "You're my best friend."

"But it's more than that, isn't it?"

"Geralt-"

"I know I don't really know you, but I… think I love you, too."

"Geralt, don't say that," Jaskier shuts his eyes tightly, "you can't know that."

"I feel it."

Jaskier wants to scream. It's so unfair to hear those words from Geralt's mouth and know they’re not true. He pushes Roach a little quicker forward, but Geralt stops him.

Roach comes to a full stop and Jaskier grows frowns at Geralt as he comes to stand next to him. Geralt raised a hand up, cupping his jaw and guiding him downward.

"I feel like you won't hear it from me again, so I love you." He's soft, almost breathless, and when he stretches up to kiss him, Jaskier doesn't stop him.

It's just soft, no urgency, no want for something more than just a kiss and Jaskier can't help but lean into it just a little. Because those are Geralt's hands on him, Geralt's mouth against his own, soft and slow.

But Geralt moans softly against him and Jaskier remembers himself with a start. He pulls back from the Witcher, almost unseating himself, but Geralt steadies him.

"I'm sorry," he breathes, "I can't, it's not fair-"

"To me?" Geralt asks and there's sadness behind the humour in his voice.

"Yes."

After that, they spend the rest of the day in silence and Jaskier feels bad for Geralt - he can't imagine losing his memory and not knowing who he is - but he can't stand the fruitless hope. Because Geralt doesn't love him, he's made it known that they're not friends and how could Jaskier hope for more when he can't even attain friendship?

Then again, the man walking next to him now still is Geralt. He doesn't feel like Geralt and he doesn't act like Geralt, but he is. Jaskier isn't sure how people usually react when they lose their memories, so he doesn't have a basis to judge by, but it is still Geralt.

When they stop for the night, Geralt sleeps close enough to keep him warm but doesn't cuddle up like he did the night before and Jaskier hates himself for it. Maybe Geralt has a chance here at a new life, one where he can be happy and not weighed down by the memory of his childhood. And if he does, if he wants it, who is Jaskier to deny him that?

He's not sure he could be a part of it, though. Even thinking about him now, wishing Geralt would come a little closer, curl an arm around his middle, he feels like he's betraying his friend, betraying the old Geralt as the case may be.

Either way, he'll get Geralt to Oxenfurt so they can speak to Shani and see if there's anything that can be done. If there's not, he doesn't have to worry about making the decision to leave or stay, but if there is- If there is a chance Geralt can regain his memories, Jaskier has to let him make that choice alone and then make his own depending on what Geralt wants.

They reach Oxenfurt a few days later after what feels like a month-long journey and Jaskier is just glad to be somewhere warm where he can have his own room and not have to worry about wanting to be close. He leads them immediately to the inn and rents two separate rooms. It's fairly costly and he's reminded of the reason they needed to take the last contract, but he could be in Oxenfurt for a while depending on how this goes and he'll be able to pick up work easily enough.

Jaskier heads up to his room and makes sure Geralt gets settled, then he heads down and orders food and a bath up to Geralt's room before heading out to find Shani.

The first place he looks is the hospital, but the nurse working informs him that Shani has her own clinic now and she's located near the centre of town. Jaskier thanks her and doubles back, following the directions she'd given. Shani's clinic is tucked between two other buildings and Jaskier knocks before entering. There's no one inside but it's only a moment before Shani emerges from a back room, the neutral look on her face quickly growing into a smile. When Jaskier doesn't return the gesture she frowns.

"I take it this isn't a personal visit," she says and Jaskier can feel something inside him slip. He shakes his head.

"No, I'm sorry. I- we need your help."

"Geralt?" she asks and the last bit of his self-control gives way and he chokes on a sob. "Hey," she says, "come sit down."

Shani guides him to a back room and sits him down on a plush soft, surprisingly nice for a medical clinic. She shuts and locks the door behind them and sits next to him.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Geralt," he chokes, "hes'-" he takes a deep breath, swallowing back another sob. "Shani, he doesn't know who he is. He doesn't know who I am."

"Oh. What happened?"

"I wasn't there. I just- they came to get me because no one else would get near him. It was just supposed to be a drowner contract but he got hit in the head or something. I don't know what to do."

"Where is he now?"

"Back at the inn."

"Here?" she asks. Jaskier nods. "Why don't you take me to him, I'll take a look."

"I- I don't know if he'll want to be fixed? He came with me but Shani, he seems happy."

"Why don't we go and see him first. We'll figure out what's wrong before worrying too much, hm?" Jaskier agrees and Shani packs a bag and they head for the inn.

They find Geralt in his room, having eaten and bathed and he looks good. He's got his hair down around his shoulders and he's shirtless and Jaskier has to avert his eyes. He takes a seat in the corner and lets Shani introduce herself and asks to look him over. Jaskier stays quiet and watches cautiously as Geralt easily lets Shani look him over. Once she's finished with his body, she examines his head.

"Well," she says at last, "you obviously took a pretty hefty blow to your head, but the good news is it should be simple to reverse the memory loss."

"Good," Geralt says quickly. He spares a glance for Jaskier before turning back to Shani. "What do we have to do?"

"It's simple really, just a shock to your system should do it. I have a friend who can help."

As Shani goes into the details, Jaskier tunes out. He hears something about neurons, but he's more concerned about getting Geralt alone for a couple of minutes before he makes a decision. He loves Geralt, wants nothing more than for him to be happy, so he wants him to go into this knowing everything Jaskier can tell him.

"Can we have a moment Shani?" he asks and Geralt looks at him as Shani nods and ducks out of the room.

"You want to do it?" Jaskier asks and Geralt nods.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"You're happier like this," Jaskier whispers, "Geralt, I've never seen you this relaxed. In twenty years, you've always been miserable. I just- I want you to make an informed decision."

"You say you want me to be happy," Geralt says, "but since I told you I didn't know who you were you've been so sad. How is it fair for me to be happy like you say when you're still suffering." He tips Jaskier's chin up with two fingers and looks into his eyes. "What I said before, I wasn't lying. I don't know where all these feelings are coming from but I know you are so important to me."

He pulls up a smile and Jaskier knows how this is going to end. And he'll be happy to have his Geralt back, but know him like this? To know this Geralt wants him, even in some weird, imaginary way? He doesn't know how he'll be able to continue.

"Okay," Jaskier relents. "I just… wanted you to know what you were getting into."

"I'm sure it can't be all bad. I have you."

Jaskier's heart clenches, but he doesn't get another chance to speak because Shani enters the room. Thankfully, Geralt has stopped touching him, but he's still close and she gives Jaskier a look.

"I put out a call to my friend," she says, holding up a box that looks vaguely familiar. "Xenovox," she explains, "Marilla is a mage. She should be here in the morning."

It's late afternoon now, so that means spending another night at the inn and Jaskier is torn. On the one hand, he wants Geralt to be back to normal, but on the other- he's selfish and he wants Geralt like this. He wants so badly to have anything and- no. No, he can't.

Shani leaves them shortly after assuring Jaskier that it will be alright, that Geralt will be fine. He wishes these were better circumstances, that they had come to visit Shani instead of asking for her help, but she waves him off with a smile.

"Come and visit when things are back to normal," she says, "I'll see you in the morning."

Jaskier sees her off and then returns to the room to find Geralt sitting on the edge of the bed, contemplating. He's still shirtless and Jaskier finds it hard to look at him directly. He sits in the bed next to him, hands folded in his lap.

"Well," Geralt says, "we have the night. Things will be different after I get my memory back, right?" He turns, reaching out to cup Jaskier's cheek. "Be with me tonight," he breathes, "just for tonight, let me take care of you while I have the chance."

Jaskier huffs a humourless laugh. "That's the problem, you always have the chance, but you never want to take it."

"Then let me now," he hums and his hand falls to Jaskier's thigh.

And it's so tempting. Because Geralt is right here offering everything he's ever wanted, if only for a night. But this is not the Geralt he fell in love with. This is not truly his Geralt's consent. When Jaskier looks up, it's obvious that Geralt knows his answer before he even speaks.

"I'm an idiot," he says softly, "to not jump at the chance to be with you. If I don't remember tomorrow, I want you to know you're important to me." Jaskier nods weakly, but he can't find the words. "Maybe we should turn in early? We have a long day tomorrow, I think."

Jaskier nods and he lets Geralt pull him down to the bed and tonight, he lets himself be held, curls into Geralt's hold and presses his nose into his neck. He doesn't let himself think, just buries himself in Geralt's scent, so warm and familiar and shuts off his mind.

Jaskier awakes to a knock on the door and realizes he's still in his clothes from yesterday. Geralt answers the door to Shani and Marilla, and Jaskier is only just climbing out of bed when they come into the room. He gets a look from Shani, but if she's feeling any particular kind of way about finding him in Geralt's bed, she doesn't say anything.

The actual process doesn't take any time at all. Marilla comes in and does something to Geralt, what she does is unclear but he falls unconscious and Jaskier panics at first, but Shani holds him back.

"Sorry," she says, "I should have warned you."

Jaskier does his best to make Geralt comfortable in the bed and he leaves with the two women to let him sleep. He thanks Marilla desperately and asks her to stay until he wakes, but she tells him she has other business to attend to and after dipping down to kiss Shani briefly, she disappears down the stairs.

"Friend, huh?" Jaskier asks and Shani smiles at him.

"Don't try to change the subject."

"Actually, can I ask you about something?"

"Of course. Why don't we get a drink, he could be out for a couple of hours."

They head down to the common area and Shani orders them a pair of drinks while Jaskier finds a table out of the way. He's never understood why Geralt likes corner tables, but right now he gets it. He doesn't want anyone to talk to him and he just wants to be able to sit and drink with Shani.

When she returns, she slides his drink across to him and slips into her seat.

"What did you want to ask about?"

"Uh," Jaskier starts, turning his mug in his hands, "when I first took Geralt back to our room, just after he was hurt. He tried to kiss me. He… thought I was bringing him back there to fuck him."

"Oh."

"You don't sound surprised."

"I'm not, really. I'm surprised he acted on it, but-"

"What does that mean?"

"Geralt doesn't have any brain damage," Shani explains, "something just… got knocked loose, so to speak. He was still him, Jaskier. His thoughts, his feelings? That was all him, Jask."

"You're telling me-" abruptly, the memory of Geralt telling him he loved him comes back to him and his mouth goes dry. "You're telling me that was just him?"

"Mmhm. Without all the baggage and self-loathing."

"I don't- he can't- if he wanted me that way, I would know."

"Would you?" Shani asks, "because I think you would be the last person to know. Wait till he wakes up, talk to him."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks, Shani, for this and for everything."

"Happy to help."

They finish their drinks and Shani heads home. Jaskier thanks her again and promises to visit when things are better and waits until she's gone before heading back up to Geralt's room.

The first thing Geralt knows when he wakes up, is a pain in his head. He blinks awake to find himself in a bed in a nondescript inn. A better look around finds Jaskier asleep in a chair next to him, but he stirs as Geralt sits up and then he's scrambling to pass Geralt a mug of water.

He feels woozy, but Jaskier's presence soothes him; he knows from experience that Jaskier would never let anything happen to him and is willing to risk his own health and safety to assure it. There's no one else he'd rather see upon waking. But he doesn't remember falling asleep. The last thing he remembers is taking a hit and stumbling away from the scene.

"Geralt?" Jaskier asks gently. He looks up and the first thing he notices when he looks at Jaskier is how sad he is. The emotion wafts off of him, but Geralt doesn't need his heightened sense of smell to be able to tell.

"What's wrong?" he mumbles, his voice thick.

"Tell me what you remember. From the start."

Geralt thinks back, going through the events of the hunt, none of which are very interesting until he was thrown into a tree. Water hag, he remembers, chucked mud and blinded him. Then he's stumbling away, all three monsters dead and then- fuck.

His gaze snaps up to Jaskier's face, looking for any sign of recognition, but he remains eerily calm, even as Geralt recollects kissing him, pressing him up against a wall and- fuck, what was he thinking? The more he thinks about it, the more comes back to him, but in bits and pieces.

Kissing him, touching him, pressing up against him in bed. The memories are all foggy, scattered, but they feel too real to have been a dream. But Jaskier shows no signs of being assaulted by him.

"I'm-" he starts, but sorry doesn't feel like it's enough. Jaskier is open with his affections, but he wouldn't be okay with that.

Geralt tries to push himself up, to get out of bed and away from Jaskier because he can't stand the thought of doing something like that. He can't remember why he did, but the more he thinks about it, the more real it feels.

"Geralt," Jaskier says firmly, "I'm not mad. But I think we need to talk if you're up for it."

He doesn't want to talk to Jaskier. He would rather find out from someone else, he can't bear to hear the words from Jaskier. And he knows Shani was there. Shani and another woman who he didn't recognize.

"Where's Shani?" he asks.

"She's gone home, darling. Are you hungry? Can I get you anything?"

Geralt looks up at him and he feels hopeless. Jaskier is exhausted, he can see the bags under his eyes, the dark circles. And he doesn't seem any less sad than he did initially. It doesn't take much to realize what happened.

"I'm sorry," Geralt mumbles, "about what I did- when I kissed you, I-"

Jaskier stops, already halfway toward the door and sighs deeply, stopping in his tracks before turning around.

"Okay," he says, "we're talking about this now, then." He comes back and seats himself on the end of the bed, facing him. "Tell me exactly what you remember, Geralt."

"I remember taking the contract, fighting off the drowners - and a water hag - got mud in my eyes, stumbled and something hit me, threw me into a tree. Probably one of the drowners pushed me. I took them out, started back toward town but I must have passed out, the next thing I remember is-"

"Me."

"Yeah. You took me back to our room, I thought you were- I thought you wanted sex."

"I know, you were fairly adamant about that."

"Fuck. Jaskier I'm sorry-"

"You didn't know who I was. If a handsome stranger took me back to his room, I'd think the same. When you didn't know who I was I was… terrified. I didn't know if I'd get you back." They're both silent for a moment and then Jaskier prompts him to continue.

"I remember that. I remember talking to you," he lowers his eyes, "I told you I loved you, I don't know why." Immediately Jaskier's sadness intensifies and he catches it in the twitch of his lip, the way he glances away.

"You asked if I was in love with you," Jaskier explains, "and told me you loved me. What else do you remember?"

"I remember asking you to- suggesting we- I propositioned you. And I remember being in bed- Jaskier, did we-?" He can't imagine anything worse than sleeping with Jaskier while he's not himself, than having the chance to be with him and not truly being present in the moment.

Because he certainly won't have another chance, especially not now that he's gone and muddled things up.

"No," Jaskier confirms and for the first time a small smile tugs at his lips, "not that you didn't try. But It didn't feel right. I knew when you had your memories back, you'd hate me for it and I couldn't-"

"I could never hate you," Geralt interrupts, "if anything I'd hate myself for pushing you into it."

"No," Jaskier says, shaking his head, "Geralt you don't understand. I wanted to. I wanted so badly to just say yes last night when you asked me. I tried to work it around in some way that you wouldn't hate me for taking advantage, but every time I just feel terrible to even think about it. The reason I didn't sleep with you is because I couldn't bear the thought of fucking you when it wasn't really you. Because I didn't want him, even if he was you. I wanted- I want this you."

"You do," Geralt snorts, "someone who throws himself at his friend because he doesn't remember, someone who tells him he loves him unprompted-"

"Do you think," Jaskier suggests, and it's clear by the look on his face that he's considering his words very carefully. "That maybe what you said to me and what you did- what you offered," he corrects quickly, "was because you do have feelings for me?" His voice shakes just faintly and Geralt can smell the anxiousness coming off of him.

It's cloying, overwhelming and it mingles with the scent of sadness and fear and just the faintest hint of something hopeful.

"It's just that Shani said there was nothing wrong with your mind, it was still you in there when you asked, when you said that." Jaskier looks up at him and Geralt feels years of emotion welling up inside him and he doesn't know how to hold it back any longer, not what Jaskier is asking him outright.

"Jaskier, I-" he takes a deep breath, focuses on a mark on the blanket between them. "I don't remember everything. But I did mean what I said. I do… I love you," he whispers, "I didn't want you to think less of me or," he glances up and Jaskier's eyes are shiny like he's trying not to cry. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to find out like this."

"I'm not sad," Jaskier says, "Geralt, I have been following you around for half my life, caring for you, singing about you and you didn't think for maybe a moment that I could love you back?"

"You-" Geralt stumbles over his words as Jaskier's confession sinks in. "You sleep with everyone. Everyone but-"

"You don't even call me friend, Geralt. Why would I try and take you to bed with me thinking you don't care enough to call me your friend?"

"Oh."

"Oh? You didn't consider that?"

"You're not my friend," Geralt says, by way of explanation, "but you're not a lover, either. You're not a brother. Not a comrade. I don't know what you are."

"Oh."

"But you could be… a lover?" the word feels strangely heavy in his mouth and he nearly regrets saying it at all until he sees the way Jaskier's eyes light up. A smile tugs at Geralt's lips and he leans forward, reaching out to take Jaskier's hand, tentatively turning it over.

"Jaskier," he whispers, "can I kiss you?" A wide grin spreads across his face and Jaskier tips forward toward him.

"Darling, I thought you'd never ask."

#geraskier #memory loss #200 fic celebration #no.1 #the witcher #rex writes

478 notes · View notes

httpdabi · 3 years

Text

"Swallow it“

Step siblings, enemies, to lovers.

Word Count: 8.1k

Genre: romance, smut

Warnings: 18+, spit kink, public sex, creampie, unprotected sex, fingering, stepcest (THEY ARE NOT BLOOD RELATED)

,,Open your mouth’’ little Touya said, hiding the small piece of sweet chocolate behind his back happily. Tapping in one place as he waited excitedly. You did as he told hoping he won’t pull any of his stupid pranks. But somehow, you always end up doing what he wanted, trusting your Niichan.

You excitedly clapped your hands once you tasted the sweet taste of the chocolate, smile appearing on your face. ,, Don’t swallow it so fast’’ he said, a little bit disappointed that you didn’t enjoy the taste a bit longer, but it was already done. Chewing few times, you swallowed it.

At the age of 6, your father met Rei. Divorced mother, giving her best to raise her child as good as possible. It didn’t took them long to fall in love with each other, finding the comfort in each other. They both suffered the same way, so it was like a match made in heaven.

Once they married and Rei moved in with her son that was just one year older then you, your heart was almost blowing from all the happiness. You always wanted to have older brother to play with, to protect you and to love you. And Touya was all you wished for. Touya accepted you, not minding that you aren’t blood related. None of you didn’t mind it, since your parents taught you better.

,,Kids, dinner is ready’’ your stepmother said loud enough for you two to hear her. Annoyed that you have to stop the play, you and Touya made your way downstairs, Touya mumbling under his breath how he’s not even hungry.

Your smiled widely once you saw that Rei made your favorite dish, Lasagna. Jumping on the chair, you took the fork and waited for everyone to sit down so all of you could thank God for the dinner and finally eat.

,,Ahhh’’ Touya said, ready to feed you with your favorite dish. Opening your mouth you couldn’t wait to taste it finally, it was such a long time since you’ve ate it. Chewing it fast, you swallowed it in a second, making Touya roll his eyes on you ,, Don’t swallow it yet omg ‘’ he said frustrated with you, making your parents laugh finding it adorable how their kids get along.

,, He told me that I’m ugly Niichan’’ you cried out loud, feeling embarrassed and disappointed. It was your first crush, and yet he called you ugly in front of everyone in the class. You didn’t cry in front of them, but once you found yourself in front of your older brother, you couldn’t stop the small sobs coming from your mouth. You knew that kids were rude, but you still expected less.

,, You are the most beautiful girl in the whole world’’ he said angrily. How dare someone breaks his little sisters heart ? Even tho he was so mad he could burn everyone down, he calmed down, taking one small Schoko-Bon out of his pocket and unwrapping it.

,,Close your eyes’’ he said smiling, his hand on your head patting it slowly. You did as you were told, tears rolling down your cheeks. He didn’t even have to tell you what to do, you opened your mouth waiting for Touya’s surprise. Once he placed the sweet in your mouth, you started chewing it.

Touya’s blood was boiling, that’s not how you eat Schoko-Bon. If you weren’t so sad, he would definitely lecture you how you have to let it melt in your mouth to feel the beautiful sweet taste, but he simply let you have it your way.

,, Should I swallow it ?’’ You rubbed your eyes, cleaning the tears away. You hoped you ate it how he wants, but every time you eat something, you simply had to eat it fast.

,, Swallow it’’ Touya said. It was already too late, you’ve already destroyed the real pleasure the candy was offering you. You were so weird, he thought to himself.

It was midnight, when you tiptoed into Touya’s room, not being able to fall asleep. At your luck, Touya was still awake, playing with his Dragon your father bought him. He was happy that you were there, even tho you were a girl, he always loved to play with you.

,, Oh my god, yess, yess, yess. ‘’ you two heard Rei, giving each others confused looks. ,, Niichan, what is mommy doing?’’ you asked, petting his Dragon slowly.

,, She’s praying, obviously’’ your Niichan said proudly, telling you how it’s probably the best if you two pray too. Of course, once again you did as he told you, praying together with him.

At the age of 16, you found yourself having more friends then you expected. Even tho your parents were encouraging you to live a little, you loved more to spend your time with Niichan then with your friends. If you could, you would spend every minute, every second with him. Your lovely Niichan. If only he felt the same. You were sad when his friends would come over, and he would ignore you.

Once he finally called your name, even tho his friends were over, you almost died out of happiness. Making your way to his room happily, you hoped they will let you spend some time with them.

,, Sit here’’ Touya was tapping with his hand beside him. His friends sitting on the floor. You sat fast beside him, listening to your older brother not wanting to embarrass him in front of his friends.

,, Want something sweet ?’’ Touya asked, making you smile innocently. Once you closed your eyes and opened your mouth , you felt one long and sour Haribo in your mouth. It wasn’t so sour as it was supposed to be, but you still didn’t like the taste of it. Still, chewing it fast and swallowing it, making a weird face.

Touya and two other boys laughed, while Touya was petting your head. ,, Go do your homework, your Niichan will correct it later’’ he said smiling. Once you got out of the room, you could hear the boys laugh saying something about indirect kiss, which you didn’t understand.

,, IT’S HER FOULT TOO! ARE YOU BLIND ?? SHE WAS LEADING HIM ON ALL THE TIME’’ you heard your stepmom scream, not sure what was going on you just ignored them and made your way upstairs slowly.

,, YOU ARE INSANE, HOW DID SH-´´ your father was cut of in the middle of yelling. ,, CAN’T YOU SEE WHAT SHE’S WEARIGN? HOW SHE’S BEHAVING??’’ Rei screamed, loud steps coming your direction as you were about to knock at Touya’s door.

,, DON’T YOU DARE GET INSIDE THAT ROOM’’ Rei screamed. You didn’t understand what was going on. When you left home, everything was very normal, but just two hours later you faced the scary fight your parents prepared.

Their first and last fight. Since after that fight Rei packed her and Touya’s stuff leaving that same night. Looking at Touya, he just passed by you, afraid even to look at you, while his mother was pulling the sleeve of his sweather.

After that night you didn’t see Touya or Rei. Your father was trying to explain to you what happened that night, failing completely. Every night you would cry yourself to sleep, missing Touya. Every day your father would tell you tons of shit about Touya, saying how that boy was devil. How it’s much better it ended this way.

You remembered how your parents weren’t that happy as he was feeding you with the strawberry. Both of them looking at each other as if you did something so terrible.

As the years passed, instead of sadness, you felt so mad. You developed so much hate toward Touya. Why didn’t he contact you ? Not even once. You heard that he and Rei moved in other city shortly after the huge fight. No one told you directly, it was just a rumor for you. Sadly that rumor ended up being truth, since after that night every trace of him disappeared.

Every night you would check your phone, getting mad after seeing that he didn’t contact you, even tho it was so easily to. With instagram and facebook, it was so easy to contact anyone these days. Every time you saw a message or call from unknown number, your heart would go crazy only to find out it was a mistake and on the other line wasn’t him.

,,You have to keep your elbow up and don’t move your upper arm once you throw it’’ Shiggy told you calmly, trying to teach you how to throw that fucking dart. If someone told you that you will start hanging out with your ex brothers best friends, you wouldn’t believe them. Throwing the dart, it ended up at the end of the board, giving you no points.

,, She’ll never learn’’ Kai chuckled, wrapping his arm around your best friend Momo. Rolling your eyes, you wanted to prove yourself, throwing another one but missing again.

Shiggy’s cellphone started vibrating. Not paying any attention to it you just continued throwing the darts around uselessly, while he was facetiming someone. ,, Look who I’m hanging out with’’ he said, placing the phone in front of you, as his head popped beside your own with a big smile formed on his face. Once you moved your focus from the dartboard to his phone, you felt your heart sink, making you feel sick in your stomach.

,,Get that motherfucker out of my face’’ you hissed, pushing the phone away from you and throwing the darts with all the power your had, not giving a shit about the instruction Shiggy gave you few minutes ago. The fact that Touya was in contact with him almost made you throw up from all the anger. Shiggy froze in shock, not expecting that kind of reaction from you, fast moving away from you.

Years passed, and he never contacted you even once.

NASTY MOTHERFUCKER, you thought to yourself, biting your lip in anger.

After the call ended, none of them had courage to ask you what was that about, letting it go simply as that and never mentioning anything about it again. Not even Momo.

You were excited for your hard earned summer holidays. You didn’t plan much, but you were just happy that you could spend the time with your friends without stressing about work or anything.

,,What movie do you want to watch tonight ?’’ your father asked, placing the pizza you just bought in the oven, while you were preparing all the snacks.

,,Hmm..’’ you sighed, thinking. ,, Dumbo’’ you said happily. Momo always laughed at you for watching Disney movies. But in your defense, no one is too old for Disney. You just loved to cuddle yourself in blanket, with warm cocoa drink in your hand and watch some old Disney movie.

Your father laughed loudly once he saw you tearing up, then sobbing when those assholes started separating Dumbo’s mom from him. You were a crying mess every now and then.

,,So, do you have a boyfriend?’’ your father asked, trying to be a good father figure to you and open a conversation, telling you that he would love to meet your boyfriend in the future, only to push his lips into a think line once you told him that you don’t have one.

You laughed when he asked you if you are a lesbian, telling you how he would support you. ,, No dad, I’m not ‘’ you laughed out taking your phone and opening your Instagram feed.

,, Darling, you are really paying so much attention to that silly device ’’ he said. He was always against phones and almost any electronic, always telling you how was it when he was younger.

,, Dad, I want to delete all my social media so bad, but what the fuck am I gonna do ? Go for a walk?’’ you said, as you replied to a text from Momo.

,, Ah whatever, I’m gonna take a nap.’’ He said, standing up as he took the glasses from the table, making his way to the kitchen to clean them.

,,And I’m gonna make your wish come true, and go socialize with people’’ you said, helping him out with cleaning.

Since it was pretty warm, you wore your plaid skirt and simple white shirt. Hopping into your nike airforce, you took wallet and made your way out, to meet Momo in the café.

She wasn’t alone, of course. Shiggy and Kai were there as well, waving their hands at you, like you couldn’t see them. You loved the dull lightning of the café you spent so much time in. Greeting them all, you hopped in the armchair beside Shiggy, crossing your legs as you decided what you want to drink.

,, Dabi, my man’’ Kai said, standing up, hugging the man that just walked in. Still focused on the small menu with different kind of drinks. Looking up at the tattooed man, your felt your blood boiling as he offered you his hand. You just ignored him, acting as you still didn’t decide what to drink.

A knot formed in your throat, giving you the feeling if you say even one word, you will end up sobbing in front of them.

,, It was about time’’ Shiggy said not hiding his happiness, while all you wanted to do is vomit all over the table.

,, Yeah, I wanted to visit sooner, but I couldn’t’’ Touya said, as you played with your phone, trying to ignore his whole existence. In the moment the waiter asked you what you want to drink, you were too scared to say anything. Knowing that you were about to break down any time.

,, Hot chocolate please’’ you said quietly, smiling softly to the waiter you knew now for the ages. Standing up, you excused yourself and made your way to the toilet. Taking few deep breaths, you took a cigarette out of your bag and lit one in the toilet.

Trying to think about how much he hurt you. You made yourself believe that he doesn’t deserve your sadness. ,,Get your shit together’’ you said to yourself, inhaling the smoke of the cigarette deeply, before going back to your friends and that fucking asshole.

,, Hawks bought you a cake’’ Shiggy said, pointing at the cake beside the hot chocolate. You turned off cigarette and sat down, fixing your skirt.

Touya couldn’t keep his eyes of you, the fact that you were ignoring him was eating him alive. He didn’t give a fuck about all the questions coming from Shiggy’s mouth, all he wanted to do is talk with you. Looking you vacuuming the cake in front of you, he couldn’t help but smile.

,, I love youuu Hawks’’ You screamed, eyes closed and mouth full. ,, Taste’s good?’’ you heard his voice and you nodded happily to him, thankful that he noticed your fucked up mood.

,, How’s your mother ?’’ Kai asked, curious about Touya’s life.

,, Yes Touya, how’s your mother?’’ you gritted, finished the cake. If a stare could kill, Touya would be long dead by now. Momo looked at you confused by your sudden behavior.

,, She’s good. Always stressing me out’’ he laughed, taking a cigarette and lighting it up. You did the same thing as he did. Every word coming out of his mouth making you more angry if that was even possible.

,, I saw a photo of you two on your instagram, I’m glad she’s good’’ Shiggy said genuinely, being a good friend as always.

,, Yes Touya, I saw it too. I love the feed of your instagram. So aesthetic’’ you hissed puffing on your cigarette. At this point you didn’t care about the fact that you made the air hard to breath for everyone. They didn’t know what actually happened.

Touya’s eyes were getting darker with every word you spat, like he was getting mad about it. None of your friends dared to say anything, afraid that you’ll spill more oil onto the fire.

,, Anyway..’’ Shiggy broke the tension. ,, your username is so weird’’ he said, trying to find words that won’t make the situation worse, but failing miserably.

,, Such a weird username Niichan’’ you said, saying the last word thru your gritted teeth as you bit hard onto the straw, finishing your hot chocolate.

,, What’s your problem ?’’ Touya hissed, leaning over the table.

,,You are my problem, you tattooed piece of shit’’ You hissed, biting the straw even harder as you leaned over the table. Your behavior surprised him. He didn’t expect from you much after everything that happened. But what he didn’t expect at all, was the rude behavior you were giving him at the moment. You were always so sweet to him.

,, Guess you’ll have to deal with it then’’ he said. You wanted to wipe that fucking smirk from his face away. In your opinion, he was the one who was supposed to stay quiet. He was the one who didn’t bother to message you even once, he was the one who hurt you.

,, I dealt with your shit for a long time, so sell it to someone else’’ you said, as you placed the money on the table, getting ready to leave. Sure, you could sit there and argue with him till tomorrow, cursing him out and saying anything that got on your mind, but there was no need for it. He didn’t deserve even the bad words coming out of your mouth.

,,Ah come on guys, don’t fight’’ Shiggy said awkwardly, standing up once he realized that you were about to leave. You just ignored him, as you took your bag and made your way out.

,, Wait’’ you heard Shiggy’s voice once you got out. You didn’t want to turn around or stop, but of course he was fast enough to catch you. If he thought that there was even the smallest chance to change your mind, he was so wrong.

,,What ?’’ you snapped, still walking. You didn’t want to listen to anyone at all. Not even Shiggy, or Momo or anyone on this fucking world.

,,What was this all about? Don’t you think you’re overacting ?’’ he asked as he stopped you from walking. Your eyes widened at his words, almost shaking out of anger that he dared to say these word without thinking at all.

,,OVERACTING? WHO EVEN INVITED THAT MOTHERFUCKER’’ you yelled, ready to burn the whole place up.

,, We did, we thought you’ll be happy about it too’’ he said placing his hands in the pockets of his black hoodie. Happy? Happiness was the last thing you felt the moment you saw him.

,,Well, I’m not. Call me when he leaves’’ you said, leaving Shiggy all alone. Shiggy didn’t have his hopes high, but he still wanted to try to stop you from leaving.

Once you finally got home, you were glad that your father had change of plans. You were keeping your shit together, not wanting to wake him up. But once you found a small piece of paper on the kitchen counter saying that he’s out with his friend, watching some soccer game, you started crying. Loudly.

You wished he was dead.

How could he do this to you? Come back and act like you were someone he just met. You cried a lot because of him, but nothing could compare to tears that were rolling down your cheeks at the moment. You forced yourself to wash the make up of your face, before you found yourself buried into your pillow, sobbing into it.

The moment you heard the lock of the door and your father entering the house, you chocked your last cry, not wanting to worry him or to find out that Touya was back.

,, Did you fight with your friends?’’ Your father asked as he ate the eggs you prepared for him. Of course your father noticed the sudden change in your behavior. Of course he noticed that you didn’t leave the house last three days.

,, Yeah’’ you lied.

The three of them contacted you more times, begging you to meet them. Saying how you can simply ignore Touya and just meet them. It was easy for them to say something like that, since they didn’t know what happened. They didn’t know how much you suffered all these years.

When your father left for work, you found yourself alone once again. Since it was pretty early, you thought it would be alright if you go grab a coffee. As much as you remember, Hawks has morning shift on Friday, it wouldn’t harm you to chat with him a bit.

You wore your simple skirt, and choose a random baggy shirt, before you lazily made your way to the café.

Even tho the morning sun was really strong, the dark windows and the dull lights of your favorite café killed every sign of it. You loved the chilly and relaxing atmosphere of the café, and you loved that always the same people visited it.

,, What’s my favorite girl doing here so early’’ Hawks smiled, once he saw you sitting on the table he chills at when there aren’t many costumers. Somehow he always managed to figure out your feelings, trying to cheer you up with a cake or too much whipping cream on your hot chocolate.

,, Missed me a bit?’’ he joked as he prepared your favorite coffee for you. You just rolled your eyes lazily at him, as you took one cigarette and placed it between your lips.

,, You make the best coffee Hawks’’ you said honestly taking a sip of it. The too sweet taste of it made you close your sleepy eyes and enjoy it fully.

,, It’s because it’s made with love’’ he said as you cringed on his comment. You took the cellphone out of your bag and scrolled your Instagram feed, liking some photos of the strangers you follow.

While you were just scrolling thru your phone, and chatted with Hawks, every now and then he would sit down with you, you noticed the tall figure that entered the café. Eyes meeting with his, you broke the eye contact like it never happened.

He sat in the armchair on the other side of the room, facing you as Hawks made his way toward him happily.

Not paying any attention to him, you just tried to stay focused on your phone and the tasty coffee Hawks made for you. But you could feel him stare. You felt his eyes burn into you and once you looked up, you were right. Touya was simply sitting there, his head leaned back into the armchair as he looked at you shamelessly, not trying to hide it.

The whole time he sat there, he didn’t even touch his phone or coffee, totally focused on you. Not caring if he’s making you uncomfortable or anything like that. At one point you were done with his shit, you rolled your eyes and told Hawks that you will go out on the terrace. You didn’t really want to go out, but you wanted to avoid his stare in any way possible and going home wasn’t really a solution for you, since you would show him that he’s winning again.

You didn’t want to watch his face.

There were more people on the terrace, since everyone normal would like to enjoy the sun and beautiful weather. Greeting the people you knew, you sat under opened window where Hawks table was.

,,Want another iced coffee?’’ Hawks asked, his upper body peeking from the tall window. You nodded your head, as you placed your legs on the other empty chair, getting yourself comfortable and trying to ignore Touya’s presence.

,, How are you and I missed you is more appropriate way to greet someone you didn’t see for such a long time’’ you heard a deep voice you didn’t want to acknowledge. Looking on your phone and acting as you were actually busy with it.

,, Fuck off’’ you hissed, looking up at him when you realized that he isn’t leaving.

,, That’s not a nice way to talk to your Niichan’’ he said as he comfortably sat beside you. You were about to stand up and leave him, but a firm hand was on your tight putting you back into the chair.

,, You’re not going anywhere’’ he said, his hand still on your tight.

,, Would be much better if you just ignored my existence like you did all this years’’ you said, trying to push his hand away, only to end up failing. He got so much stronger over these years. Touya swallowed at your words, taking a deep breath not knowing what to say, as you tried to wiggle out of his grip once again.

,, Didn’t think you would hate me this much’’ He said as he took one cigarette and lit it up, doing it all with one hand, while his other hand was still making sure you won’t leave.

The message you’ve received from your father made you forget about the person sitting next to you for a second.

,, I don’t know what happened between you and your friends, but don’t let some silly reason break your friendship. You will regret it later. Say if you need some snacks, ly’’

He was right. Why would you ignore your friends just because this piece of shit came back after all those years.

He. Was. Not. Worth. It.

,, Move that dirty hand away from me before I break it ‘’ you hissed at him.

,,Ouch’’ he said sarcastically acting all hurt suddenly, placing the same hand over his heart. He was about to say something, but was stopped with Shiggy’s voice all of sudden.

,, Finally’’ he said hopping beside you two. You were about to leave, but your fathers words were in your mind.

You sat there quietly, answering to Shiggy’s question every now and then and ignoring Touya’s existence. Shiggy didn’t want to push you, so he just let you be, he was glad that you were with them at that moment.

,, We are going to Momo’s holiday cabin this evening. Come with us!’’ he said. Momo planned to visit you today and ask you, but since Shiggy already met you, he hoped luck will be on his side.

,, Sure. What time ?’’ you simply asked. Touya raised his eyebrows in surprise, while Shiggy gave you a high five happily.

,, We’ll pick you up at 17PM. OK?’’ he said and you just nodded in agreement. There’s no way you’ll let him ruin your summer holiday you were so looking forward to. You deserved to have some fun with your friends. Fuck that tattooed grinch.

Since a sleepover was planned, you packed your pajama, phone charger, hoodie and few things you needed into you bag. You sent a message to your father thanking him for his message, and saying that you will spend your night with them.

When they arrived, you saw that Momo was sitting next to the Kai who was driving. You were about to hop behind Kai, but Shiggy told you to move in the middle since you were the smallest one and don’t need much place as he and Dabi need.

Discrimination, you thought to yourself, as you sat in the middle. Trying to cuddle yourself to Shiggy and get away from Touya as much as possible. Acting like the smallest touch of him would actually kill you.

,, Can you move your fucking legs away, you are acting like you own this fucking car’’ you hissed pushing his long legs to the side with your knee.

,, Then sit in his fucking lap if I’m bothering you so much’’ Touya snapped back while taking even more place from you on purpose.

,, Who let this sidekick tag along anyway?’’ you said pushing his legs once more, making Momo laugh. Dabi found it cute how you weren’t even try to hide all the anger that was boiling in you and he only wanted to trigger you more if it was possible.

It was 8PM when you finally arrived. Maybe you could have arrived sooner, but every time Kai would speed up a bit, Momo would start to scream around how he drives like a maniac, and how he will get you all killed.

You were glad when you finally got out of the damned car. Stretching your body out, you took a deep breath. Making your way to the cabin, you placed your bag on the old couch once you got inside.

Not wasting any time, all of you started making plans. Momo and Kai prepared the dinner, while you were changing the sheets for everyone.

Shiggy and Dabi were preparing the table and everything that was on the terrace, like cleaning the chairs and everything else.

You sat on the swing seat, slowly moving with your legs while you waited for food to be ready. The smell of the food made you much hungrier then you expected, making you wish it will finally be done so you can dig in.

The evening was really beautiful. All of you were enjoying it to the fullest, talking about random things and choking on the food. The cold wine was also helping you all with the good atmosphere.

,, Yeah, Toga was always so sick’’ Shiggy clamed as he talked about the girl you all knew from your high school days. He talked about his experience, saying how she turned from such a cute girl into a crazy psycho, stalking him all the time.

,, She seems so cute tho’’ you said taking a sip. You never talked with her, but she looked too cute to be such a psycho.

,,Yeah right, if she had a chance, she would skin you alive’’ Kai said laughing a bit.

,,True, she couldn’t stand you at all. It was all Touya’s fault’’ Shiggy laughed, explaining to you how she had such a huge crush on Touya back then and how she couldn’t stand the fact that you were spending so much time with him.

,, We have a little problem’’ Momo said, coming back to the terrace. ,, We forgot the bag with the rest of the alcohol’’ she added, smiling awkwardly.

,,That’s fine, I’ll go buy us some wine or something’’ you said standing up. You wanted to take a walk anyway.

,,Shiggy get your ass up, you’re coming with me’’ you added as you pulled the sleeve of his hoodie a bit, making him whine loudly.

,,I’m coming with you’’ Touya said, grabbing your arm, not giving you a chance to protest normally. Your friends laughed loudly once they heard your loud curses coming from the inside.

,,Don’t be such a brat and just go, why are you making every single thing so complicated’’ Touya hissed as you were bragging how you won’t go then at all.

Rolling your eyes, you took your wallet and made your way out, speeding up as much as you could, trying to walk away from him.

Maybe it was the wine that was already in your blood, but as much as you tried, you couldn’t escape him at all.

,, Can’t you see that you ain’t fast at all’’ he said annoyed. You raised your eyebrows, ready to complain. You were pretty sure that you were fast as fuck there. At the end you finally gave up, deciding it would be the best to ignore him and deal with it.

,, How long will you keep this shit up?’’ he asked, walking lazily beside you. The fresh air was brushing your skin, as you hugged your wallet close to your chest, ignoring his words once again. When Touya realized that you won’t speak up, he rolled his eyes as he grabbed your arm and pulled you with him into the small alley, left from the sidewalk. Your eyes widened at the sudden change of his behavior.

,, You think you were the only one hurt ? ‘’ He said looking you in the eyes. ,, You think I didn’t want to contact you every day ?’’ he added while his grip got stronger.

,, Oh please, if you wanted you would have contacted me long time ago’’ you said, as you tried to pull your arm away from him.

,, You stupid little girl. There wasn’t a day I wasn’t thinking about you. Every time Shiggy sent me a picture of you, it was eating me alive’’ he said as his eyes were getting a shade darker.

,, I was going thru a fucking hell and you think I had it easy ?You think that you were the only one that suffered ? Doll, I was so in love with you that my mom found me a fucking therapist ‘’ he said not breaking the eye contact. You froze once he started saying all those words.

In love ?

,, You fucking drove me insane’’ he said, pushing you against the cold wall of the building. You couldn’t progress what was going on at all. You never knew that he had that kind of feelings for you. You never knew anything about it. You wanted to think about it, to try and figure out what happened back then. But you couldn’t. His face being so close to yours didn’t let you focus on anything else besides of him

,, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry that I couldn’t contact you. But I didn’t want to make things any worse for you’’ he said making you even more confused, unsure of what he meant with that.

,, But I’m back. Can’t you see ?’’ he said placing his forehead on yours. You could feel the pain in his voice. You didn’t know what happened back then, but at that very moment you decided to forgive him and purge all the terrible feelings that were choking you for such a long time now.

Once you two got back with more wine, your friends were surprised when they realized that you didn’t bark at him like you did just 20 minutes ago. They were surprised that instead of being all aggressive, you were trying to avoid eye contact with him, but none of them tried to question it.

It’s not that you were shy, but guilt was eating you alive at the moment. The fact that he went thru as much as you did or even worse, made you feel bad. But hearing him laugh at Shiggy’s jokes and thinking about how he’s here now, you decided to get drunk with them now and think about it later.

,, What took you so long that day anyway?’’ Shiggy asked you, as you guys talked about that one time when Shiggy and you visited your old friend and his girlfriend Melissa one year ago. Talking about how he accidentally came in her, and you had to go buy the DAY AFTER pills for her while she was bawling her eyes out thinking about of the risk that she might get pregnant.

,,Bitch, I didn’t know the city at all. How the fuck could I know where the pharmacy is ???’’ you raised your voice in defense. ,,Not even google maps could help me. How the fuck can I know what HEAD WEST IS ??? I’m not a fucking sea captain’’ you hissed making everyone around you laugh, as you mixed your fourth glass of wine with cola.

All of you laughed and talked about everything. Talking about intimate topics as much as about crazy ones. Kai talked about how he fall for Momo, when she liked his picture on Instagram from 2016. ,, You just didn’t look good in a while’’ Momo said, kissing him on the cheek with a huge grin on her face.

They were so cute.

First one to go to bed were Kai and Momo. The things were getting hotter between them with every new drink they had. Next one was Shiggy, saying he wanted to face time Melissa before bed, leaving you and Touya all by yourselves.

At first none of you talked, focused on the drinks you were too scared to say anything somehow. But you wanted to say so much to him, you really did.

,, So, how have you been?’’ he broke the silence, making you laugh at the random question he asked. The fuck with the formalities.

,, Oh shut the fuck up, don’t how have you been me’’ you choked out while drinking your drink, making him smile at how you were trying to break the tension.

You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol, or if he was always like that, but he totally opened up, talking about his stupid therapy and about everything his mom was telling him on a daily basis. He was joking around about it, but it broke your heart when you learned about what he went thru.

You talked about all the anger you had for him, about how much you were waiting for him to contact you. You told him about your work, and about billion small and unimportant stories that he gladly listened to.

,,Yeah, I remember that day’’ you laughed as you remembered the day when Touya fed you with the sour candy in front of Shiggy and Kai. ,, But I don’t understand what you did with that candy ‘’ you said as you placed your glass in front of you.

,,I literally sucked it’’ he laughed out, making you roll your eyes at him.

,,Let’s go buy some candies’’ he said as he stood up. Tipsy like that, you clapped your hands and hopped up. Since the night air was getting a little colder, you wore your hoodie and followed Touya outside.

The two of you bought all possible sweets, happy that the shop was the one that was 24h a day opened. Once you got out of the store, you opened the pack of Schoko-Bons, immediately unwrapping one and eating it fast.

,,Oh my fucking God stop it’’ Touya hissed while smile was forming on his lips. ,, Open your mouth’’ he laughed as he grabbed the pack out of your hands. You laughed with him as the memories of you two were going thru your head.

Touya unwrapped the candy, as he explained to you how to eat it. Once he placed the candy between your lips he told you how you shouldn’t chew it at all, how you should just melt it down and enjoy the taste.

,, You are crazy, I don’t see anything special in this method of eating’’ you said trying not to laugh.

,, Sure, nothing is special to you if you can’t vacuum it in a second’’ he said as he ate one of the bon’s. He couldn’t keep his eyes of you, smiling as he watched you trying to melt the candy in your mouth. He missed you so much.

,, Wanna know a secret ?’’ he mumbled to you as you nodded your head in a second, curious what he will tell you. Ready for the tea.

,,Come here’’ he said, leading you to the small alley you were few hours ago in.

,, Wanna know what happened that day ?’’ he asked, smirk forming on his lips as you choked onto the candy not expecting him to start that topic at all. You nodded your head still, wanting to know what made your father and Rei break up in less then one day.

,, Rei caught me masturbating with your panties in my hand’’ he whispered to you, making sure only you heard it, even tho only the two of you were standing there. All alone.

,,Wha-‘’ you caught out in shock. You thought about many reasons of what could happened that day. But nothing dirty as that was on your mind. You immediately started laughing loudly imagining Rei’s reaction.

Thinking about it, you would lie if you said that the image of him masturbating with your panties in his hands didn’t turn you on. Maybe you would be freaked out if you found it out few years ago. But in the image you had in your head wasn’t Touya as your ex brother, it was the attractive tattooed Touya that was standing right in front of you.

He saw the little blush on your face, and immediately commanded you to close your eyes and open your mouth for him. Leaning on the cold wall slowly, you did as he told you.

He placed the small candy in your mouth again. You ate it your way, finding it funny how easily he gets frustrated over it. A quiet laugh escaped his lips, as he got a little closer to you.

You twitched once you felt his gentle hand around your neck, making you open your eyes immediately. ,, Close your eyes’’ he commended again, as his thumb was rubbing your neck gently. Touya told you again to open your mouth.

You smiled and opened your mouth, waiting for the sweet taste of the candy, totally ready to provoke him a little more.

You froze when you felt a warm and watery texture, instead of the sweet candy. Realizing that he literally spat in your mouth, you opened your eyes in shock. Touya tightened his hand around your neck, forcing you to close your eyes again.

,, Now, swallow it for your Niichan’’ he whispered in your ear, spitting loudly in your mouth again. You were surprised when you found yourself obediently swallowing it. The moment you swallowed it, he crashed his lips with yours, pulling you up in his arms with his free hand, only to smash you back against the wall again.

You could feel him smirk into the kiss when he realized that you didn’t hold back at all. Holding onto his arms and kissing him back. Every time his grip around your neck would get tighter, you would open your mouth without him telling you to do it as he would spit all over again.

,, Don’t swallow it yet’’ he said spitting again. ,, Your Niichan has to teach you how to enjoy things properly. ‘’ he added as his hand left your throat alone and made it’s way toward your clothed pussy. Pushing the shorts to the side and rubbing your clit gently.

Once you moaned, Touya spat into your mouth again, while sticking his one finger inside you, slowly pumping it in and out of you. You found yourself swallowing the saliva inside your mouth, a quite but now more clear moan escaping your lips.

Touya added his second finger in, as you started to breath more heavily because of his touch. Wrapping your legs around him, you threw your head back, leaning onto the wall more while his fingers were thrusting in and out faster and faster.

,, Oh my fucking god’’ you moaned out, while his fingers were doing wonders on you, rubbing your walls like no one ever did.

,, Oh, you wanna pray, I see’’ he said, making you laugh unlocking the memory from the past. You tried your best to get the closer you could to him, moving in his arms and trying to get off on his fingers.

,, Does my doll want to cum?’’ he asked, as he sped up turning you into a whiny mess. You wrapped your arms around him and burred your head into his neck, trying to hold your moans since you were in public. Once your orgasm hit you, you had to bite onto his shoulder to keep your moans down.

Touya once again grabbed your throat, and pushed your head against the wall. You whined at the sudden loss of his fingers. Taking his chance he spit into your mouth once more, and placed the two finger between your lips, making you taste yourself.

,,Suck’’ he said, playing with his saliva in your mouth. The fact that you were obeying to every word, was driving him crazy. All he could think of was fucking your brains out.

,, Swallow it doll.’’ He said, and you swallowed it gladly.

The way home felt like forever. The moment you entered the old cabin, you were again in his arms kissing him passionately. Both of you having trouble walking, too focused on each other, you didn’t give a shit if your friends were maybe awake.

Touya couldn’t keep his hands to himself, grabbing your ass while kissing you with desire. Once you finally got into the room prepared for him, he pulled your hoodie together with your shirt over your head and threw it on the floor. Grabbing your hair, he yanked you towards the bed, pushing you onto it and immediately hovering over you. He started kissing your neck and chest, leaving wet and sloppy love bites all over it. Grabbing both of your wrists into his one hand, he pinned them above your head, trying to give you biggest hickey on your neck for everyone to see.

He wanted everyone to know who you belong to.

,, Touya please’’ you beg. You wanted to feel every part of his body. You wanted to touch him, to feel him inside you.

Leaving your arms alone, he pulled your shorts and panties down, not being able to wait any longer. He wanted to tease you, to beg you for him more. But he couldn’t, he had to be inside you. He was waiting for this moment for too long. Without a warning he slammed into you. You were still wet from all the fingering, so he slid in without a problem, still stretching you out with his size making you moan in both pain and pleasure.

,, So tight for your Niichan’’ he breathed out, as he started to move in a steady pace. His hands on your hips now, holding you firmly in place. Every move was getting faster and stronger, making the bed shake and hit against the wall.

You were a moaning mess, hands grabbing onto the sheets as was fucking you hard. Rocking into you roughly as the bed shakes, you didn’t give a single fuck if your friends could hear you, moaning his name out loudly and shamelessly.

,,Touya, I’m so colse’’ you managed to say somehow, as he was kissing your neck roughly, his hips getting more erratic.

,, Cum. Cum all over my cock’’ he said as he started rubbing your clit roughly, while fucking you even harder. Closing your eyes, you moaned his name out loudly as you finally cum again.

,, Fuck’’ he breathed as your walls squeezed his dick. Closing his eyes, he started moving roughly reaching his own climax. His dick twitching and spilling all his seed inside of you.

Just when you thought that he was done, he flipped you over onto your stomach, and started roaming into you again. Grabbing your hair, he pulled your head back harshly as he abused your neck with his lips.

,, Touya, ahh, too much’’ you moaned as he pushed your head into his pillow.

,, You are taking it so good.’’ He moaned as he fucked you recklessly. At this point you were sure that your friends were awake listening to you two.

,, Such a good girl for Niichan’’ he said. Touya wasn’t turned on because he was fucking his ‘’EX sister’’. You two weren’t blood related anyway, but once he felt your walls tighten around his dick again, while you called him ‘’Niichan’’ he knew he wouldn’t last much longer.

Fucking you thru your third orgasm, Touya pulled out of you, commanding you to get on your knees.

,, Open your mouth’’ he said, wanting to do something he always wished for. Stoking his dick, one look at you, with your mouth open and tongue out was enough for him to cum in your mouth.

,, Swallow it’’ he said, breathing deeply.

,,I already did’’ you said, as he pulled you up and kissed you passionately.

The next day, you didn’t know how to face your friends. Dabi was acting quite the opposite, looking at you proudly, yet so lovingly once you showed up in his shirt, with bruised neck. No words could describe how much he loved you, how much he was ready to fight for you.

Pulling you into a warm hug, he kissed you in front of everyone. He didn’t know how will he go against your dad and his mother. But in one thing he was sure, he will never let you go again.

You are his, and only his.

599 notes · View notes

ghostietea · 3 years

Text

Furuba autistic headcanons

With it being April, or autism acceptance month, I wanted to finally drop my list of characters from Fruits Basket that I read as autistic! This is based a lot on my own experience, as well as that of other autistics I know or have seen talk online. I hope some people can get something out of it, feel free to tell me what you think 😊, though please refrain from getting upset that I would dare suggest your fave is autistic.

Hanajima

Before becoming able to better control her powers, she would be constantly overwhelmed by the things she heard to the point that she couldn't even really go out in public. This reads a lot like sensory overload.

Constantly picked on in school because other kids thought she was weird. Eventually reclaimed this weirdness and turned it into a whole persona.

Seems to talk usually in a relatively flat tone.

Had trouble socializing with no friends outside her family until middleschool.

Has a very funny, dry sense of humor that I find very similar to a bunch of autistics I know, including myself.

Hatsuharu

Listen. You have seen the funky little man, you have seen the way he talks, the way he acts around others. He is, and I mean this in the best way, a weirdo. I do not know how you could look at him and see a neurotypical.

Once again, like Hana, Haru is funny in a way that feels very autistic.

Very flat, dry, tone delivery. Sometimes just Says Things that make everyone else go huh??? Suuuuper blunt. Doesn't emote facially a lot of the time.

When this man sees a social norm he doesn't get he WILL NOT follow it. Pierces his ears just because his hair got flak, defends Momiji wearing whatever he wants because sometimes y'know the social rules are just dumb and don't make sense. Especially dress codes.

Sometimes says things not befitting the current tone of the situation.

Represses (masks) a lot of his emotions, leading to outbursts that seem uncharacteristic.

His main childhood trauma revolves around adults branding him as "dumb" and ridiculing him. Haru, however, is super smart and wise!! Just in an offbeat way that not everyone may get.

Machi

Reads as very "flat" emotionally to the point that others would call her boring. Also has a flat vocal delivery.

Relies on specific habits or ways of doing things or else she gets super upset (her hatred of imperfection.

Has trauma surrounding adults completely misconstruing her intentions and thinking she's doing something malicious when she's not.

Generally behaves in a way that's hard for others to understand, one of her formative moments with Yuki was him saying he wanted to "see how the world looks" through her eyes.

Once again, trouble socializing.

Tries super hard to please her parents but in the end they still see her as somehow inherently "defective."

Listen. A lot of this one and the last two are mostly vibes, hard to verbally define. You just have to look at them and trust me.

Tohru

Displays behavior very reminiscent of masking throughout the story, a huge part of her arc is about how she hides a lot of herself and has a very controlled persona. I think it would fit very well if she had other autistic behaviors that she suppresed also it helps explain why she is relatively socially adept, it's learned behavior to make people like her more.

Yes she is very good at saying what others need to hear, but especially early on she is pretty blatantly imitating her mother's words. She only gets better at getting through on a more personal level later on (see her with Rin and Akito v. early series Tohru). She does this by relating her own experiences, a very autistic way of showing empathy that often gets us written off as self centered. The way she relays things her mom said could also be seen as this, and she even worries at a few points that she's being insensitive for going on about things like that.

While emotionally repressed she is hyper empathetic and feels other's emotions so strongly she cries.

Her speech patterns are all imitated from her father and she often copies verbal things from others (see Ritchan-san). Noted in canon that people think her way of speaking is slightly off/not befitting of someone her age. Additionally, her father was polite more sarcastically, while she plays it straight and sometimes takes things very literally or fails to get the message, indicating trouble with reading tone. Has numerous strange verbal tics, including saying parts of her internal monologue out loud without context.

Very expressive with her hands including waving them around and flapping them up and down.

Does have a bit of trouble with accidental insensitivity in social interactions, like how she constantly fixates on her mom and realizes that might bug the Sohma.

Has trouble paying attention in school since it doesn't have much to do with her interests

Her only friend until she was a middle schooler was her mom

Has a pretty unique outlook on things compared to others, people seem to think she's pretty eccentric. There's always a "this girl is nice but in an odd way, she's our weirdo and we love her" vibe.

Sometimes has an "inappropriate" emotional response to situations

Has a lot of trouble with change, similar to Akito. Which oh, look at the time, next hc coming up.

But first, a disclaimer. It is cathartic for me to read Akito this way, but with that reading comes the baggage that she would, mayhaps, be showing a more negative side of things... It doesn't bother me since it's a joint hc with other characters and she does develop at the end but yeah, general villain hc baggage. This is in no way me trying to excuse her being The Worst being autistic doesn't absolve you of being able to do wrong . Also, a lot of these points can and do have other explanations related to her upbringing, but things can be for more than 1 reason. With that said, she really strongly comes off as autistic to me, in a way that's sorta hard to explain. I wrote a lot more for her than the other, both because I felt I needed more to convince people and that this headcanon was more sensitive and I needed to be careful in my explanation. Also hey! She's my special interest within a special interest.

Akito

Shown to have a dislike of summer weather due to heat and brightness, could be due to sensory issues in tandem with sickness things. Also covers her ears when people raise their voice sometimes which is partially her trying to shut down opposition but also 🤔 can read a different way. She'd also avoids louder Juuni like Ritsu and Ayame because she can't handle them.

Wears pretty much the same outfit every single day. Said outfit is also pretty loose fitting.

Always seen sitting in a pretty unconventional way. Evidence:

Of course this is also the isolated in a cult thing and there is a level of her purposefully doing things to intimidate but: doesn't follow a lot of social rules (overly touchy with strangers, legit doesn't get that what she's doing is wrong, ect.). Repeatedly confused when people indicate she should act otherwise without explanation. Has a breakdown when this comes to a head and approximately says that "they" shouldn't expect her to know "common sense" if "they" never explained it to her, that the way that she was was her "common sense."

Often talks in a way uncharacteristic of her age when shown as a child in a more faux mature/pretentious way. Might just be the translation and idk how to explain it but her speech as an adult also seems off from what one would normally use in conversation. Additionally, when she tries to fake being friendly in her intro chapter, it comes of as extremely stiff and unconvincing.

Generally displays behavior that could be thought of as childish as an adult, but a lot of this behavior could also read as autistic (covering ears, emotional deregulation and meltdowns, ignorance of basic social norms, ect.). It's also important to note that she knows that this behavior makes her seem younger and more helpless to the older zodiac and uses it as a manipulation tactic. Has issues regarding people treating her like a child or only hanging out with her because of pity. While she does weaponize it, we can tell that this grates on her, as seen with her finally blowing up on Kureno, which is partially triggered by the maids saying some sorta infantalizing stuff about her. Irl, a lot of autistic adults and teens struggle with being infantalized for our behavior generally or treated as little babies that can do no wrong. Even in fandom, you see people doing stuff like jumping to call autistic adult characters, such as Entrapta from Shera, "minor coded." It is also common for us to have at least one bad experience with someone hanging around us out of pity. This is something that really gave me a similar feeling in Akito's arc. She's not a baby and she can understand and do better if she is given the chance to learn and break from all the freaky cult indoctrination she's been subjected to instead of just being constantly enabled. In the end, a lot of her growth is represented by her showing that she is capable of changing and being independent.

Shows particular difficulty with socialization, often sits by herself spacing out at social events. A lot of her fear is rooted in the fact that she doesn't know how normal relationships work, becoming overly reliant on the curse because she doesn't know how to make friends.

Clings desperately onto the notion of being "special" and in some way superior to others to be worthy and to make up for perceived inherent "flaws." It's the nd gifted kid burnout vibes for me.

Easily bothered by things that don't bother others. Feels emotions very strongly to the point of getting physically ill and has bad emotional regulation.

Relatively good at reading others in an analytical sense (though has more trouble when it comes to seeing how they feel about her since she's wildly delusional) but brings up her observations in a very cold, detached way and hurts people even on the rare occasion she didn't mean to. Has extreme trouble connecting to others and understanding their point of view. This makes her come off as pretty unempathetic even though that might not fully be the case. Also thinks that people like Momiji are trying to look down on her when they try to empathize with her. A lot of why Tohru can get through to her is that she manages to convince Akito that she's not condescending by relating shared traits and experiences. As I said earlier, autistics often empathize by sharing their own experiences with someone, and I know I often have an easier time confiding in other autistics because of a fear of being seen as lesser by those that don't understand me. I think the connection between these charachters and the way that Tohru manages to reach Akito like that while others couldn't makes a lot of sense through an autistic lense!

Additionally, when Akito herself gets around to trying to help others instead of just projecting trauma, she tries to reach out to the old maid by relating back to her own experiences. This however, doesn't work.

Has "cold" emotional reactions sometimes even to things that do make her upset. For example, how sort of calm and detached she acted after her father's death can make her seem uncaring. However, we know that this event did mess her up a lot and she is still (poorly) dealing with a lot of grief from the death of her father years later.

Copies mannerisms from others, the most blatant example is with Ren, who she directly parrots lines from as a child to Yuki.

Partly just her posturing, but gestures a lot with her hands when she talks. Also seen several times clutching her hands in her hair.

Deals extremely poorly with the idea of things changing to the point that it is a driving force of the story.

Does not understand when people tease her.

Ect. Ect. Ect. Listen, I could go on for ages but just trust me, the mean gremlin lady is autistic.

#fruits basket #akito sohma #tohru honda #saki hanajima #machi kuragi #hatsuharu sohma #actually autistic #meta

195 notes · View notes

nkogneatho · 3 years

Text

"Promise me forever"- Fushiguro Megumi x gn!reader.

Genre: fluff, angst, action | I do not own the character.

Wc: 1.9k | Requested by @unabashednightmarepizza

Warnings: mentions of death, heavy angst, mentions of blood, jujutsu fight style, hyperventilation, mentions of depression and anxiety, bringing human back to life.| A/n: I did it finally. It took me long time. If anything above triggers you, please don't read it. I am still new to fics and stuffs so please be kind and don't send hate.

SUMMARY <-

The only people who ever understood you were your parents so processing the fact that they are no more wasn't really easy for you.

You inherited both infinite void and six eyes technique and some different abilities due to mutation to although they weren't very reliable. But for several reasons, you're mother asked you to keep it hidden. You really wanted to feel normal but the clan started gossiping about you and how helpless you are.

"Why are you showing pity towards me? I am strong. It's just that I can't show you. I promised my mother. Why are you behaving like that?", unfortunately these were the only thought running in your head.

Gojou saw you and couldn't take it anymore. The way the clan verbally abused you made his blood boil. You were his precious cousin and he didn't want you to get hurt so he took you to Tokyo along with him while enrolling in school.

You felt safe in Tokyo. It's like that was the place you belong although you had to keep up with your cousins antics but watching him getting his ass whooped by the principal is fun.

New semester, new first years joined in. Your days before were so busy and traumatic that you didn't even have the time to think about dating.

Gojou took this opportunity to introduce you to the hottest single guy.

"Y/n, this is Fushiguro Megumi. Megumi, this is my cousin Y/n", Megumi bowed and greeted you, you did the same. The white haired bitch ran leaving you two in an awkward state. Well you did propose a conversation and turned out you both had similar interests. Two of you eventually started dating. It was nice to have a boyfriend. The feeling was very different maybe because you never felt it before.

"Ah! What are you doing baby? You should be more careful", he helped you get up when you slipped. A little O's leaving everyone's lips watching Megumi so caring.

He always held your hands from onwards. The little squeeze he does when he feels insecure about losing you when you guys go on a date or twirling you around with the support of your fingers as you sing and dance on empty streets at night. "We'll stay like this forever. Promise me", he sneakily slipped a ring up your finger as you were busy singing. "Yes", you smiled.

You gasped later when you took notice to it and then immediately hugged him. Before you didn't even know what a promise felt like and now you had it with a person you love the most.

Never have you ever felt so content with anything in your life. Guess good things come to an end.

Being close to the group, Sukuna sensed the potential and power in you when you fought the cursed womb. Well yes, the team was there but you panicked and lost control. Your powers were now visible to both Sukuna and Megumi. He was shocked at how his strong attacks still left you unscratched. Your rage got the best of you. Some of it was the frustration of all the taunts you heard.

You were sure that Megumi wouldn't want to see this monstrous version of you. Growing up alone, scared as if you didn't belong to the family, you never got the chance to control or monitor on how actually your power works. Although Gojou did help you grow enough. But the thought of him hurting your friends was enough to make you snap. Being the monster he is, he wouldn't let this chance slide.

"You're a beautiful bud y/n. You just didn't get a chance to bloom. Seems like it's not too late", he tried so hard to lure you in but the only thing on your mind was now to tear him apart. Sukuna did retreat or should I say Yuuji made him. Fushiguro ran up to you two as you were there with Yuuji's heart in your shivering hand, blood raining down on floor.

"You guys are the best buds I ever had", the last words leaving his mouth as he tumbled on the floor. Your hands were shivering. Even though Megumi knew how to handle such situations, you didn't. Losing a friend? You didn't even have a single friend in the first place but now? You were the one who thrusted his heart out.

"Y/n. It's not your fault.", he tried to convince you. "I am a monster. They were right. I shouldn't have come here. I was good, rotting in a corner in that place. I am helpless", breathlessly blaming yourself.

It took you a few days to finally calm down and think about what was actually going on. Not to mention you were badly injured after the fight. Megumi and Nobara were there the whole time taking care of you when you were recovering.

Gojou after some days took you to somewhere, a place you weren't aware of.

Shocked to very own core you ran towards to hug your friend Yuuji who was alive.

"Y-yuuji.....", not sure what to say afterwards.

"It's okay y/n. It was not your fault. Plus the good thing. I AM ALIVE", he was so excited to see you, that was clearly visible. You both stayed up late and watched movies though Gojou gave you major spoilers so he got kicked out of the room. Gojou warned you to not speak about Yuuji being alive, yet.

A few days later when you were with Yuuji and Junpei at his school, Mahito arrived.

Turns out the reason behind Junpei's whole brainwashing was this man. You tried to snatch Junpei but before you could, Mahito manipulated his body and he was converted into a curse.

"I just wanna have a conversation", he said but you both ignored his shit talk and punched him but seems like it had no effect. Your moves focused on finding his weak point or atleast holding him until Yuuji brings Junpei back.

"Sukuna. Do it."

"No.", the entity inside him denied. A shock hit Yuuji. How did you guys did not expect this? They both are curses in the end.

"Why me?", Junpei tried to ask, fingers clinging on the hem of Itadori's shirt.

"Yuuji, switch with me", you ordered him. You were aware of what Mahito was trying to do and you let him do it. How fool of him to think he can enter and have a conversation with Sukuna. Sukuna striked a blow on his arm causing him to collapse on the ground.

You brought Junpei back to life with all the strength you had left, it didn't work perfectly because his body was still wounded. Sukuna witnessed your Potential and was impressed. He switched with Yuuji, tricking him that he wanted to help you and he will do anything for his friends so he agreed.

Sukuna's fingers brushed throughout your face, as if he was analyzing each and every single cell of it while you pant, brain hazy. "How long are you planning on staying on the good side? Hm? Don't worry. I am going to steal you anyways", his hands cupped your face but soon was cut off.

"HANDS OFF THEM", Megumi passed a blow, voice raging, the vein on his neck was visible.

"Ah. This is good. Two of my adored humans. I'd have you both for me".

"Dream on. There's no way you're having them", he spat.

"No. There's no way you're having any of us", you balanced yourself on your palm, eyeing the curse in front of you.

"I won't ma-make the same mistake again", you were still pretty beaten up, although you had to save everyone. Yuuji tried his best to control but he won't faze. The lust for your power grew more and more and made it unstable for Itadori to tame him.

"Megu-mi. Do as I say".

"Are you sure y/n you can fight?", the one trait you always liked about him was that he never ignored your dedication and just supported you instead of saying "You are weak now." Or "You should rest".

You blew a punch making Sukuna fall back so now you had a calculated distance from him. Your lover joined, standing beside you.

"Trick him into thinking that we are losing in combat and bring him closer", he wasn't sure what were you upto but this was your only resort.

He summoned the Shikigamis one after another and delivered continuous attacks on him. Of course it was useless. He won't concede just like that. Afterall he is the king of curses so he decided to play along with you two for a while. In the end, you both are coming to me anyway or so he thought until......

Your image swiftly appeared in front of his eyes at which his pupil dilated, forehead bleeding, jaw clenched. The bloodlust was clear in your eyes but now it had a different look. Almost as if you earned a control on your powers.

"I told you, didn't I? I won't make the same mistake again", you latched your palm on his chest where Yuuji's heart was.

It's okay, if it's just for a bit it's okay, you convinced yourself.

You stopped the heartbeat for a couple of second with your ability to send shocks and control organs of the body, sort of reakted to body manipulation, causing Sukuna to loose control.

"Yuuji. NOW!", he took the chance and switched back. His torso tumbled down as a fear hit you causing you to fall too. Maybe you made the same mistake again. Megumi approached you two apace.

"Itadori! Y/n! Get a hold of yourself".

"I guess I did it again.", you cupped his face. "I count myself lucky that I me-met you. I am so.....s-sorry. I love yo-", your arms slowly lost velocity and thud the ground.

"No. Atleast learn to complete your words before you stop", megumi fisted his hands in nothing but air.

Later Gojou and others arrived, immediately taking you and Yuuji to the Jujutsu medics.

Luckily, Yuuji switched back at the right time. Thanks to you he was alive.

Your eyes gradually opened up and wandered around the room for a bit until they caught Fushiguro's. (You thought you can die leaving Megumi alone? SIKE!)

Mind still hazy, but was able to comprehend what happened before.

"Where's Yuuji?",you suddenly rose from the bed. Your voice was soft and low but will never go unheard by your lover. He wanted to scold you at how selfless you were. All beaten up yourself but still asking for someone else.

"He is fine and perfectly alive. To be honest it's a surprise since Gojou told me he was alive all this time. He is so annoying that even death doesn't want him", he chuckled lightly making you too. The smiled on your face faded when you saw a tear fall down from the edge of his eyes. His hands squeezing yours a little tighter than before.

"Don't ever do that again.", he was trying hard not to burst out the water from his eyes.

"I won't. I promised you forever. Remember? There's no way I am going to leave you alone.", you stroked his cheekbones.

"Yes. Otherwise there won't be no one to annoy me"

"Hey!", you slapped his chest lightly but he gripped your hand.

"Complete your sentence. Now."

"I love you", three words left your mouth after recalling what you left him hanging on. Megumi sighed in relief and the placed a kiss on your forehead.

"I love you too. Forever.", you embraced each other for the rest of the night.

Taglist: @1-800-teddybear @kenmathepuddinhead

©All the written contents above belongs to nkogneatho2021. Do not modify and repost.

#fushiguro x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fluff #gojo x reader #itadori x reader #jjk x reader #jjk angst #jjk fushiguro #fushiguro megumi #jjk fanfic

194 notes · View notes

stickyy · 3 years

Note

Can I have a gn reader x Aizawa? Maybe a college AU where Aizawa doesn't know how to handle his crush because he was awkward when he was young and ended up a bully who was handsy. Thank you!

EEEE this is my first ask so i hope you like it anon! :D thanks so much for requesting!

DISCLAIMER: i do not condone or encourage any of the behavior outlined in the following text. this is a work of fiction, and should be treated as such. :)

wordcount: 2299

warnings: dubcon, verbal abuse, slight dumbification, forced oral sex, brief mentions of gagging/vomit (doesn’t actually happen), aizawa is an law student asshole, quirkless!AU, ooc? more likely than u think

notes: im not like a writer so when i put this in word count and saw it was 2k words i gasped-

MIDTERM

Without a doubt, Aizawa’s the smartest student in your Civil Procedure lecture. You admire him; you’re both first years, but he already has an incredible work ethic and results to show for it. He works two part-time jobs to help pay for school (alongside his impressive scholarship), studies into the late hours of the night (mostly due to his being kept awake very loud roommate), and, despite a bad habit of regularly showing up to your 8 am class slightly hungover, still manages to produce the top marks in the class.

You’re envious of him, because you’re the exact opposite. Your tuition is paid in full by your parents, you have a wonderfully quiet apartment all to yourself, and you study as best you know how, only to practically fail every assignment. You wish you could be surprised, but the material is a dreadfully bland concoction of boring procedure and esoteric theory that you rarely get further than three or four pages into a chapter. You want to like law, you really do, but there’s something about the intricacies of drafting lawsuits that goes in one ear and out the other. It’s no surprise that you sought out Aizawa’s help, desperate to at least pass the class with a decent grade.

You wish you hadn’t.

You don’t understand what you do that bothers him so deeply, but something about you coaxes cruelty from somewhere dark inside of him. You always scurry towards the back of the lecture hall to grab a seat next to him, doing your best to be quiet and unassuming, but he shoots you a venomous glare or a soft flurry of harsh words. And you get it, to an extent- some days you walk into class chattering a little too loudly on the phone, and on others you loudly shuffle around in your book bag to try finding the notes that you attempted to start for this lecture (if you even brought them that day). You know it’s annoying, but you also know you don’t deserve the downright verbal abuse he throws at you for it.

“It’s hard to take notes if you forget your textbook. Try being prepared for once,” he’ll sigh as he slides his textbook to you. Like a good student, he took notes for lecture the night before, but it still took some convincing for him to spare you his textbook.

“Do you ever shut up?” He’ll interrupt you as you babble about your difficulties understanding the most recent lecture. You want to retort, tell him off for being rude, but the words die in your throat; he radiates an annoying apathy that makes you doubt the efficacy of anything you say to him.

“You wouldn’t fail every assignment if you actually studied. Or maybe, you’re actually just stupid?” He’ll quip as you clutch your paper, a red ‘47’ scrawled in the upper corner of the page littered with your professor's critiques and question marks. By contrast, Aizawa’s paper is pristine, donning a singular red mark of ‘98, nice work!’.

With a well placed glare and the sour baritone of his voice, laced with exhaustion, it’s always enough to make your stomach drop from shame and embarrassment. Under normal circumstances, you’d never allow anyone to speak to you that way, but your grade was a dire situation, and with the midterm upcoming, you forcefully swallow your pride and ask him for his help.

You have to beg, but Aizawa agrees to tutor you the day before the midterm. This grade is a make or break for the class- if you do poorly on this exam, you’ll have to drop the lecture to salvage your gpa, putting you half a semester behind your peers. It’s motivation enough to deal with his poor attitude, and the two of you end up reviewing in an empty studying room on the top floor of the library. You began the session alert and determined to catch up, but studying with him shows you just how far behind you are. The textbook sounds like foreign poetry coming from his mouth; Aizawa is nothing short of eloquent when explaining the complexities of something as boring as filing lawsuits, and you spend most of the two hours spent just zoning out, completely unable to focus.

“You’re just wasting my time at this point.” The break in his cadence snaps you out of your trance, unfocused eyes meeting his tired ones, slightly lidded in annoyance, “Are you even trying to remember the material? Or are you just expecting me to spoon-feed it to you?”

Your throat catches, forcing you to swallow a lump as you attempt to ignore his words.

“I am trying! I just don’t understand why there are two approaches, is all,” You whine, flipping back through your sparse notes to find the section that contained the explanation.

“I went over that almost 3 chapters ago. If you were paying attention, you would’ve stopped me by now. It’s hard to believe that you even got into this school, if this is how you studied in high school. Did your daddy pull some strings with his buddies in admissions?”

Your eyes narrow, searching harder for the correct section in your notes. That’s a pretty low blow, and even if he’s not completely wrong, it still stings. You now know for a fact you didn’t even read this part of the text, but you keep your eyes trained on the page. At this point, you’d do anything to avoid looking at Aizawa, lest you begin to cry.

“Don’t be an asshole,” is all you can muster, voice shaking with unshed tears, “Would it kill you to be a little nicer? It’s hard to focus when all you do is insult me.”

“It’s hard to focus?” He repeats, his tone a sickly sweet mockery of yours. “Sweetheart, I don’t think that’s my fault. You’re a lot dumber than you think, if you even think at all. The midterm is tomorrow, and we’re just now getting into chapter five. Don’t get mad at me for actually trying to study; if I was holding your hand through it all, we’d still be on chapter one.”

Your vision blurs and a single tear hits the lined paper of your notes, causing the ink to blur as the drop absorbs into the page. You clench your jaw and take a breath before standing up, opening your backpack to put you things away. You didn’t have to take this abuse, you could study on your own. Even if you did poorly, you’d have some of your dignity left.

“It’s pretty rude to just walk out on someone trying to help you,” Aizawa says after a moment, closing his notes shut. “Not only do you give me a headache every single morning, but I try to tutor you and you want to leave without even thanking me? I’m busy, you know? I take time that I don’t have to spare just help your sorry ass out, for free, and you’re not even capable of learning anything from it.”

You sling your bag over your shoulder and move to leave, but you find yourself face to face with Aizawa, his tall frame blocking the door, arms crossed over his chest, and a thoroughly disgusted expression plastered on his features.

“I should charge you a fee, just for completely wasting an afternoon. Absolutely ridiculous,” His tone is a juxtaposition to his demeanor; he sounds more amused than annoyed, a jeer underlying the words. It makes you feel sick, and you’re suddenly grossly aware of the fact that you're alone with him, the only method of escape blocked. It feels dangerous, and you want nothing more than to be at home, alone and safe.

“H-how much?” You stutter meekly, eager to appease him. ��I don’t really have any cash on me but if you have Venmo-”

“That’s not quite what I had in mind,” Your heart starts to jackhammer against your ribcage and panic sets in. You’re frozen in place, unwilling to ask him to elaborate. You may not be very bright, but you have a good idea of what he’s going to ask for, and you can think of a million things you’d rather do instead.

“I know your pretty little skull is practically an echo chamber, so listen closely, okay? We both know that no matter how hard you try, you won’t be ready for the exam by the end of tonight, and I have to work in an hour and a half. So, if you behave and do what I ask you, I’ll let you copy my exam answers tomorrow. Understand?”

You’re silent, paralyzed by fear. A part of you wants to run, desperately, but your mind drifts to the midterm. You know that without any help, you’ll surely fail.

That’s how you end up on your knees in front of him, tears finally streaming down your face from choking on his thick cock.

“That’s it,” he groans breathlessly, eyes fluttering shut as his head presses back against the door, “I knew you were good for something. I bet this is how you convinced your other teachers to give you a passing grade, huh? A few cocks down your throat-fuck, to save your gpa, I wouldn’t put it past you, dumb slut.”

You hate this- hate being reduced to just a mouth for him to fuck. You hate how he sneers down at you, his eyes alight with sadistic pleasure. You especially hate the treacherous way your spine tingles and heat pools low in your stomach at his amused growls and degrading remarks. He’s just as cruel with the way he fucks into your mouth, disregarding your comfort entirely, hand in your hair roughly guiding your head over his length. He’s almost painfully thick, stretching your lips wide, tickling the recesses of your throat in a grotesque way. You try to wiggle away slightly, just to take a small breath; you’re beginning to feel dangerously lightheaded. You begin to pull your head away but he thrusts his hips upward, holding your head down and forcing your lips to wrap around the base of his cock.

“S’okay, baby, just relax that empty little head of yours, no need to breathe right now,” he sighs, watching you struggle against him with a smirk, watching the fear bloom in your chest and your mind buzz with the lack of oxygen. Your thrashing shifts his cock in just the right way and you violently gag, eyes widening with the painful sensation. You’re almost convinced he’s going to let you pass out, right before he yanks you off of him. You cough violently, gagging a few more times, drool spilling out of your mouth.

“Throw up on me and a failing grade will be the least of your problems,” he growls, and the threat is a sobering reminder of how fucked up this is. You meet his expectant gaze, and reluctantly return to the task at hand. You can hold out just a little longer, you tell yourself; his hips are beginning to move on their own accord and you know he won’t last much longer. All you have to do is hang on and it will all be over soon.

You know that he’s just a bully, that you’re just doing what you have to do in order to pass this class, that you’re worth more than your grades, that you aren’t stupid- but the dark part of your mind questions if he’s right. Maybe you do belong on your knees, because what do you know? Maybe you are just a dumb slut; there’s no need to study if the only thing you’re good for is swallowing.

The shameful thought forces a new torrent of tears to pour from your eyes, gagging once more on both your tears and his cock, and the look of pure despair on your face pushes him over the edge. Aizawa yanks your head from his cock with a curse and you flinch as his hot cum hits your face. There’s a lot of it, the viscous seed slowly dripping down your face. The sensation is downright disgusting. You feel dirty and used, your throat sore, knees burning, lips swollen from his brutal assault. He presses the tip of his cock on your cheek, smearing his load all over your skin with a cruel laugh.

Through your panting, you keep your eyes closed for a little bit, hoping that maybe this is an awful nightmare and you’ll wake up in your dorm, with an extra day to study and a little more hope in your heart.

The sound of a camera shutter rips you from your fantasy, opening your eyes to see Aizawa grinning at his phone. You’re too shocked to say anything, only staring at him incredulously from your position on the floor in front of him.

“You’re lucky you’re cute, you know?” He hums as he tidies himself up and grabs his bag. “So photogenic, I’ll be able to get off to this for weeks. Who knows what good you’d be if you were dumb and ugly.”

You didn’t notice that you had stopped crying, but the fresh tears and sound of your own sobs call your attention to fact.

“Try and clean up before you leave, alright? I know you’re a little too stupid to remember, but I don’t think it’d be a good look for you to walk around covered in cum.”

The door clicks closed, and through your sobs you look around at the room, only to notice that there aren’t any tissues left laying around. You hate him, you hate him, you hate him.

(But at least you get an A- on your midterm.)

224 notes · View notes

lannister-slings-and-arrows · 3 years

Text

Chapter Four of Shades of Black and Blue

A Rita Calhoun x F. Reader x Sonny Carisi Fic

Written in collaboration with @pascalispretty who also designed our excellent moodboard for this story. (If anything is at all artistic it’s safe to assume she did it and not me lol.) Cross posted on ao3!

For @thatesqcrush 's Sexy and Smutty Summertime Bingo fulfilling the Dirty Talk square.

Chapter One: Azure Chapter Two: Cornflower Chapter Three: Onyx Chapter Four: Prussian

Warnings: Porn. Dirty talk (obviously), dom/sub relationship, demeaning language, mild humiliation, extra mild restraint, come play, little bit of pain play, talk of breeding, vaginal fingering, fisting, and responsible aftercare. Rating: Explicit, so explicit, in no universe is this not rated explicit Word Count: 3158 Summary: Rita has had an abysmal day with an awful client. Fortunately for her, she has you and Sonny at home eager to make her feel better about it.

You’re exhausted. Bone achingly, mind numbingly exhausted. You’re sprawled on your back against Sonny, your head resting against his chest, as you try and catch your breath. It’s been far too long since Rita and Sonny have worked you over like that; you’re out of practice.

Through the haze of the afterglow, you’re vaguely aware of Rita slipping off the bed, the clink of buckles telling you that she’s grabbed her harness and put it aside to be dealt with later. Your eyes are closing when the mattress jostles again, Rita rejoining the two of you.

“Look at you. Such a lazy little thing. Can’t even open your eyes and look at me when I’m speaking to you?” You feel a swat against your thigh, but you’re so tired that you can only twitch at the blow. Orgasms never seem to have the same somnolent effect on Rita as they do on other people; she’s always so invigorated after she comes it takes an effort to keep up with her sometimes. Especially on nights like this you wish that they knocked her out like they did to normal people.

“I know you’re never as well behaved as Dominick, but my my, the level of disrespect here. Can’t even close your legs like a lady, just letting them spread open like a whore.” Your legs are still splayed open, your cunt on full display, and you feel Rita’s fingertips inch towards it.

“Was this too much for my littlest thing? Does she expect to be coddled after only licking my cunt, playing with my toys, and letting Dominick fuck you? I let you come all you want when I fucked you and this is the thanks I get?” Another slap lands higher on your thigh, too close to your cunt for comfort, and you force your eyes open.

“‘M sorry, ma’am,” you manage, your voice sounding hoarse. Somehow, after everything, Rita barely looks disheveled. Her hair is still neatly tied back, her face barely flushed. You feel like a mess in comparison, and your cheeks burn as you blush.

“So fucked out, aren’t you?” she asks, moving closer between your legs and tsking impatiently. “Look at her, Dominick, you’ve made such a mess.” Her fingers catch a bead of Sonny’s come that’s trickled out of you and down your thigh. You get no warning before she pushes it abruptly back inside you.

You’re so tired that only a whimper escapes you; you don’t have the energy to move away. Instead, you just lie there as Rita shoves your legs further open.

“Oh, Dominick, this just won’t do. Am I going to have to revoke your privilege of not having to wear a condom?” Rita asks, scooping up more of his come with her fingertip and pushing it into your tender cunt. Sonny squirms underneath you, his arms squeezing tight around your waist. “Or do you need a stronger lesson? Would you like to be denied coming at all?”

“But--” he stops, presumably because he knows better than to argue with Rita and her discipline. You’d both learned that lesson the hard way. You whine when Rita pushes her finger even deeper inside of you, crooking it slightly to drag against your walls. She arches a perfectly groomed brow at Sonny.

“But what? But you like pretending to breed her? The thought of knocking her up? And that’s why you’ve made such a mess? It’s alright, you can say it. You’re not exactly subtle, Dominick dear.”

“‘m sorry, ma’am,” he whines under you, immediately softening his tone to reflect Rita’s sterner, more dominant one. He wraps his arms a little tighter around your middle. You shudder when Rita pulls her finger out to search for more of Sonny’s come, taking advantage of the brief pause to try and catch your breath.

“You’re such a good boy normally, Dominick,” she sighs. “All you have to do is ask if that’s a game you’d like to play.” He mumbles against your hair, though he watches intently as Rita catches another drop shoves it carelessly back inside of you. You whimper as she drags her fingers along your cunt and at the idea of her adding that as a game that Sonny gets to play with you.

“I always want to do that,” he tells her shyly. “I’m sorry ma’am, I always want to be a good boy for you.” Rita hums at him.

“Why don’t you tell me exactly how you want to play? Help me keep her relaxed, prove to me that you want to be a good boy.” You’re so tired that you can’t do anything but be pliant right now; there’s not much Sonny can do to keep you relaxed when you’re already so fucked out.

“What are you going to do?” Sonny asks eagerly, readjusting his hold on you. Rita gives him a disbelieving look at the impertinence of the question, almost amused that he thought he could question her like an equal.

“You’ll find out soon enough. I’m not here to treat you both like children, holding your hands and walking you through every single step I plan on taking. You know your words,” Rita barely glances down at you. “I expect you to use them.”

You can picture the chastised look on Sonny’s face right now, and it must satisfy Rita because she smirks and asks,

“Now. Dominick. Where were we?”

“I just—coming inside of her feels so good, ma’am,” he starts, his chin resting against your shoulder so he can get a better look at what Rita is doing. Satisfied that all of Sonny’s come is back inside of you, she abruptly presses two fingers in, making you whimper pathetically. “I like staying inside of her after,” Sonny manages. “To keep my come inside.” Sonny pets at your side while Rita crooks her fingers.

“Because you like the thought of her pregnant? Or because you like the thought of her having you inside of her? Of her being yours?” she asks calmly, like you aren’t whining softly and she rubs her crooked fingers against your walls. “Or is it both Dominick?” She relaxes her fingers and you sigh, thinking she’s giving you a break, before she scissors her fingers and ekes another broken little wail out of you.

“Does the thought of doing that to her make you feel powerful? More in control? Would knocking her up make you feel like less of a plaything and more like a man, Dominick?”

“….yes, ma’am,” Sonny admits, and if you could turn your head to look at him, you’d see how he flushes admitting this. Instead, you whine as Rita stretches you again, cutting yourself off with a choked noise when she pushes a third finger inside of you with little preamble.

“The thought of her being pregnant and knowing I did that to her? I--I’d love it, ma’am.” Sonny’s arms flex around you, and you feel his cock twitch against the small of your back. When Rita continues to spread you open with her fingers, you try to close your legs around the intrusion only for her free hand to land a harsh slap across one of your breasts.

“Stay still,” she snaps, pinching one of your nipples roughly. “And you think I’d let you knock her up?” Rita asks, back to ignoring you except to fuck you with her fingers now that she had disciplined you. You’re breathing hard, too tired to do more than shift restlessly, and Sonny squeezes his arms around you tighter. “You think I’d want one of my pets out of commission like that?”

“But--but she’d look so pretty, ma’am,” Sonny protests, still stroking your side. “And it might stop her from getting into so much trouble.” Rita moves her fingers faster as she contemplates Sonny’s argument. It shouldn’t turn you on to be like this; stretched out between them, ignored except for your cunt while they talk about you like you’re not even in the room. But it does, and you swear you can feel how wet you are halfway down your thighs.

She raises an eyebrow at Sonny. "You think it would keep her out of trouble?" Sonny nods. Her fingers, all three of them, still inside of you. "And you'd like me to... what? Tell you over breakfast one day that I think it's time for me to breed my pets? That I've--" She draws her fingers out of your cunt only to add her pinky and shove them back in. Your wail is covered up as she continues, "Fattened you up enough and it's time for me to use you for stud? And then to watch as you fuck her, and fuck her, and fuck her," she punctuates her words with thrusts from her four fingers and you can barely breathe. "And keep trying until your seed takes?"

“Please, ma’am,” Sonny whimpers behind you. “I’d be such a good boy.” You’re shaking in his arms as Rita adopts a punishing pace to adjust you to her four fingers.

“We’d have to send her for a C-section,” Rita muses. “I’m the only one who’s allowed to destroy this pretty little cunt.” She pushes her fingers deep, and you whimper when you feel her thumb pressing against you.

“Can’t, ma’am, please--” you try as she tries to push the widest part of her hand inside. It’s too much; you feel like you can’t breathe properly.

“Shut up.” Rita gives you a quick slap across the face for good measure, and your cheek stings as she goes back to roughly fucking you open.

"I suppose you’d like to parade her around as many places as you could while she was pregnant, just so you could show off to the world what you've done," she speculates, thumbing your clit absently. Sonny nods quickly.

“You always do like it when everyone’s eyes are on you, don’t you? Always willing to do anything for attention. My little pleaser.” Sonny shivers against you. "But Dominick. Even if I told you to get her pregnant you would have to be clear about one thing to still be my good good boy."

She rests her thumb at your cunt and Sonny asks, breathless, "Tell me, ma'am, please. I want to be good. Your good boy."

"She still belongs to me," Rita says firmly, finally pushing all five fingers into you at once.

You wail and thrash weakly, Sonny’s arms holding you tight. You feel so impossibly full, all of the air punched out of you as she curls her fingers inside of you.

“Oh, ma’am--ma’am that looks so good--” Sonny manages, his cock hard against your back. Rita gives an experimental thrust of her hand, and you whimper pathetically.

“She’s so pliable and loose like this, Dominick, you could probably fit your hand in here if you wanted,” Rita says dryly, and you shake your head weakly. Rita’s hands are one thing, they’re slim and elegant, but Sonny’s are so much bigger…

“It was really too easy to fit my whole fist inside of you, darling.” Rita flexes her hand and you’re still too shocked to do much of anything. “Honestly, I don’t understand where those complaints were coming from, this took hardly any effort; clearly this pretty cunt enjoys being played with, doesn’t it?

“I knew you were making all that fuss about nothing, that really you just need to be stuffed full. You don’t need to lie to me, pet; I know what a needy, greedy little whore you are. In fact, I think this means we can buy you some bigger toys, doesn’t it? Now you’ve been a good girl and shown me you can do it. None of this nonsense about the cocks I want to fuck you with being ‘too big,’” Rita coos, trailing the fingertips of her free hand around where her wrist is splitting your cunt open. “Pass me my phone, Dominick, I want a reminder of this.” She rocks her hand inside of you, forcing it a little deeper.

“For your collection, ma’am?”

“My collection of compromising photos of the two of you? Where else would it go, Dominick, keep up. Or did she do too good of a job of fucking you stupid?”

Sonny scrabbles for Rita’s phone on the bedside table, handing it to her quickly. She wipes her free hand on the sheets before taking it, angling the camera towards you. Once she has a few photos and a video to satisfy her, she hands the phone back to Sonny.

“You know you couldn’t watch me do this if you got her pregnant.” She slides her hand almost all of the way out before pushing it slowly back in, your legs shaking around her. You’re so tired, all you want to do is sleep; you’re not even sure if Rita can coax another orgasm out of you like this.

“I—I know,” he pants, breathless and hitches his hips against your back. Rita brings her free fingers up to your clit and you know she’s going to try to get another one out of you. You moan, weak and pathetic. “But I could fuck her and plug my come inside of her with my cock until I was hard again. And then fuck her some more. Every night until it took.” He ducks his head against your shoulder. “If you said it was alright, ma’am.” Rita arches an eyebrow at him and flicks your clit lazily with a finger. You barely twitch as fire races through your body and you feel so full.

“Good girl, you can do it. Oh, none of that,” she admonishes, as a few tears trail down your cheeks. “One more and you can go to sleep.” Every time her fingers hit your clit your legs twitch and when she flexes her hand inside of you you feel like you’re going to pass out.

You dare a glance down to where her wrist disappears inside of you, and you can barely comprehend what you’re seeing. You have no idea how she’s managed to fit her whole hand inside of you, and a few more tears slide down your face as she slides her fist slowly out, barely the knuckles left inside of you to keep you open. Without it, you feel so empty; if you had more energy, you’d probably be rocking back against her, trying to keep her inside of you.

She must notice the way you twitch your hips, trying however weakly to push down against her, to have her filling you again. It earns you a mocking grin, and another slap across the face, harder than the last one.

“I knew you’d like this. Are you feeling empty, little whore? I bet you’d ride mommy’s fist if I told you to, wouldn’t you?” She pushes her hand back in again in one smooth motion, eliciting another pathetic little whimper from you. “Not tonight, though. Tonight, mommy just wants you to come again.” Her choice of words is deliberate; she knows that referring to herself like that makes you uncomfortable, makes you literally squirm. Your face feels hot from embarrassment as she uses the fingers of her free hand to stroke your clit. It's just on that razor's edge of wrong, of too much, that it makes you shudder, shades everything in that gradient of taboo. You feel like looking over your shoulder to make sure no one is watching, no one sees you not denying this, and it makes that hot burning feeling low in your belly coil a little tighter. It excites you in how much you know it shouldn't--how much you don't want it to.

You clutch at Sonny’s arms as the muscles in your core try and tighten again. It aches, and Rita’s fist holds you so open that you can’t bear down properly around it. Rita knows you too well; she knows the quickest way to bring you over the edge, and her deft fingers and the overwhelming fullness of the fist inside of you have you coming with a broken little cry more tears seeping over your lashes as you screw your eyes shut.

“Good girl, I told you that you could do it,” Rita praises softly, slowing the pace of her fingers and carefully starting to pull her hand out of you. You whine at the loss, at the sensation of being empty again after all of that, and your abused muscles clamp down as best as they can.

“None of that now, pet. Just relax, my sweet little guinea pig.” She leans down to kiss first your cheek and then your lips, pulling back just enough to share breath with you. You have a soft spot for her referring to you and Sonny as her guinea pigs. She likes teasing you both that, like guinea pigs, it’s cruel of her to have only one, and that you and Sonny can play together when she’s busy.

You tilt your chin up, asking for another which she immediately grants you, her soft lips gentle against yours, her hand coming up to stroke your side. She finally breaks away and sits up, staring down at you with a tender smile. “Cuddle up with her for me, Sonny. She’s been such a good, obedient girl, hasn’t she?” Rita slips off the bed, no doubt to handle the more practical aspects of your aftercare and you want her back hovering over you already.

Sonny moves you gently off of him, shifting you until you’re lying on your side, your head pillowed against his chest. You’re vaguely aware of the water running, but you’re too tired to pay attention to what Rita is doing.

“You really have been such a good girl. You know that, don’t you? You looked so pretty, stretched like that around Rita’s hand. You did so well, sweetheart.” He kisses the tip of your nose gently, and you smile sleepily.

“Just the best girl, so well behaved for us. Are you sore anywhere, pet?” Rita asks, coming back into the room. You’re dimly aware that your muscles are starting to ache, and you nod weakly.

“Bath, then. Do you think you can carry her, Sonny? I’ll be in once I’ve changed the sheets.” You know that Rita is right, that a hot bath will be good for you, but you’re so exhausted that you can’t open your eyes.

“Sleepy,” you mumble, shaking your head.

“Come on, sweetheart. You can sleep in the bath, I won’t let you drown,” he teases, pressing a kiss against the top of your head. “And you know Rita will want you to drink something before you really fall asleep.”

You mumble something that sounds vaguely like “fine”, and Sonny climbs out of bed and carefully lifts you in his arms. You’re asleep before he even crosses the threshold into the bathroom and sets you gently in the tub.

#thatesqcrushsummerbingo #rita calhoun x reader #rita calhoun x sonny carisi #rita calhoun x reader x sonny carisi #sonny carisi x reader #rita calhoun #sonny carisi #law and order svu #fanfic #fanfiction

44 notes · View notes

alj4890 · 3 years

Note

I have an ask. We know in TRR Book 3 Ch10 Drake is the one being challenged by Neville but what if The King is the one to challenge Neville? After all he’s the one that would talk down to Riley during book 3 and nit once did Liam stand up for her during those times? So I wonder if Liam knew what Neville had said to his future Queen what would his reaction would be. I feel at least that Riley had the choice to punch him! Lol

A/N: Okay, seriously. WHY didn't all the other love interests tell Neville off?! He even annoyed Olivia with his pouting and whines. I get the tension between him and Drake and all; but Neville was talking bad behind Liam's back about his choice to elevate MC to becoming a duchess regardless of whether or not she was engaged to Liam. He was such a jerk to Hana and who in their right mind could be mean to her??? As protective and sacrificial as Maxwell was, (he did show getting ticked off whenever Neville opened his mouth), why wasn't there a dance fight between the two🤣 Now that my mini rant is over, let's see what would happen if Neville pushed Liam too far.

Masterlist

@gkittylove99 @darley1101 @krsnlove @kingliam2019 @texaskitten30 @yourmajesty09 @mom2000aggie @ofpixelsandscribbles @twinkleallnight @lodberg

Too Far

It wasn't noticeable at first.

He even somehow managed to make friends.

Neville had a way that made him appear as the perfect example of a gentlemanly noble. His cultured tone uttering compliments and his ability to appear humble before his betters had assured his place within Cordonia's high society. Being heir to an earldom and not too horrible to look upon also set him up in life to have a variety of ladies to choose from.

Or so he believed.

When Prince Leo abdicated, the nobles of Cordonia were actually laughed at by the rest of the world. The teasing began with mere good natured ribbing at parties of how unfaithful a Cordonian must be.

It was enough to sour any disposition, especially one that was already so.

Neville Vancoeur kept his noble mask firmly in place. Nothing was going to stop him from his destiny.

Nothing. No one.

But the newest crown prince was best friends with, it was disgusting simply thinking of the word, a commoner. A commoner! What noble much less a direct descendant of the king himself would ever align themselves with someone who was absolutely worthless

Yet, the embarrassment that was Prince Liam didn't end there. He then went on to favor a poor waitress from America of all places. A waitress. He redeemed himself in Neville's eyes when he chose Countess Madeleine Amaranth of Fydelia to be Cordonia's queen. Though he didn't quite understand why the normally shrewd countess would allow the waitress to travel with the nobility, perhaps it was to give Drake Walker a playmate (one has to entertain pets, he supposed) he accepted it as a way to appease the people they ruled over.

Then New York happened. King Liam threw aside a well respected, birthed to perfection noble for that mongrel American who did not possess the first clue of how to behave amongst Cordonia's elite court.

Neville would have found it humorous if he was not permanently tied to his country.

To top it all off, not only was he forced to endure such unworthy company, he was shamed in front of them by some minor noble who had failed to win Liam. He blamed that brief moment of weakness for finding Lady Hana attractive on being inadvertently influenced by what had to be Drake and Riley's baser inclinations.

There was only one action left to a man so much more above these lowly peasants.

He was going to have to put these people in their proper place.

*******************

Liam knew that some of his fellow nobles took their positions as some sort of right in lording over those they considered their inferiors. It had never sat easy with him. He himself had a mother who had been a, "simple commoner". Yet, being in the tenacious situation he was in as a new king, he had to ignore for the most part their rude behavior.

But there was only so much he could stand when it came to the one he loved.

He knew something was going on the night of Madeleine's ball. As he stood on the other side of the ballroom, listening to Duke Godfrey drone on and on, he noticed Drake bump into the future earl. He knew there were very few nobles his best friend respected so seeing the flash of anger was normal.

Riley's though was surprising.

That unusual bitter twist to her normal, friendly smile followed by what he could only assume were heated words between his love and Neville made him feel the need to rush over and place himself between them. That desire to protect Riley was so strong that his body had already turned to leave Godfrey mid sentence.

But then Neville walked away.

Maxwell's brief sadness followed by Hana's irritation had him focusing once more on Riley's anger turning to resigned acceptance. Her relaxed stance returned as his group of friends found a table to sit and enjoy their meal.

He knew then that he would need to keep an eye on Lord Neville for the rest of the Unity Tour.

*****************

It didn't surprise him at all the insults and tension between Drake and Neville during the charity polo match. Liam felt sorry for Rashad and Maxwell being stuck on their team and forced to work with the two men that seemed to truly despise one another.

Liam also felt a large bit of pride when Riley used Neville's refusal to pass to Drake to score.

He also was relieved that Neville had not turned his disdain toward her.

Perhaps he was beginning to respect his future queen.

**************

It shouldn't have affected Liam like it did. Maybe it was the fact he was under so much pressure from keeping his father's cancer hidden, the fear from hearing he had been rushed to the hospital, all the terrorist attacks and threats, and then having to focus on pampered nobles instead of actually running his kingdom that caused him to lose his last shred of patience.

This ball was one that he had looked forward to. It would be the first of his escorting his Riley before the court. He had waited so long for such a moment to show his world how proud he was to have won her heart.

And Neville had to ruin it during their first dance.

The heated exchange of words escalated when Riley jumped in to defend Drake. Liam could see the utter hatred and lack of respect Neville had for the two people he was closest to. The way the young lord talked down to his beloved sent a bitter resolve through Cordonia's king.

"I've had enough of your insolence!" Neville snapped.

Liam saw his hand reach for his pocket and begin to withdraw a white glove. Before he could think through what he was about to do, he slapped Neville with the back of his hand, cutting short the challenge the lord was about to issue to Drake.

The entire court gasped. Silence fell as all watched this rare occurrence of Liam losing his temper.

"I've had enough of your insolence." Liam bit out. "Lord Neville, I challenge you to a duel."

Neville paled. His eyes darted around the ballroom, searching for anyone who might possibly be on his side. Seeing no sympathy, his chin lifted.

"I accept." His voice cracked slightly.

****************

"Liam, why are you doing this?" Riley gripped his hand as they walked out to the courtyard.

"I'm tired of his attitude." Liam explained. "Especially around you."

"I can handle his snide remarks." She countered. "What I can't handle is the thought of you possibly getting hurt."

Liam paused and slipped his arm around her waist. "You don't think I can take him?"

She smiled, looping her arms around his neck. "I know you can." She snared him with a tender kiss. "Just make it fast. There's a certain king I want to slow dance with."

His lips curved once more before turning toward the growing crowd. "As my queen wishes, so it shall be."

With a wink to her, he removed his sword from its sheath with a dramatic flourish.

Her delighted laughter followed him as he faced his opponent.

Neville swallowed uncomfortably as Constantine laid out the rules for the duel.

He barely managed to block Liam's blows, footsteps retreating most of the time. His lip curled into a snarl when the new king sliced into his blazer.

"My lady was right," Liam taunted, "that is a dreadful dinner jacket."

Neville's cheeks burned when those watching nearby chuckled. Each time he tried to make an offensive strike, Liam not only blocked it but somehow turned it into a point in his favor.

At one point they locked swords. Neville hated he had to tilt his head up to meet Liam's eyes. He hadn't expected to see the coldness there.

"You will apologize to Riley and Drake." Liam commanded in a low tone. "You will also never speak to either of them with such disrespect again."

"Why should I?" Neville breathed. "They need to learn to respect their betters."

"Really?" Liam's tone held a sinister edge.

With an elegant spin that happened in the blink of an eye, he knocked his opponent’s sword out of his hand, caught it in mid air with his free one, and had both blades crossed with Neville's neck in the middle.

"Well done!" Constantine cheered from the sideline.

Riley let out a whoop as she hurried over to Liam's side.

"Wasn't there something you wished to say to her grace, Lord Neville?" Liam asked

Neville's ready sneer died when he felt a slight nick to his tender skin.

"Forgive me, your grace." He managed to say without choking. "I will remember my manners when next we meet."

Riley gave a regal nod of acceptance.

Liam lowered the swords. "You're dismissed."

Neville scurried through the amused crowd, keeping his eyes downcast.

Riley yanked Liam into a passionate kiss once all the compliments were given and the crowd dispersed.

"My lady?" He asked with a grin. "What brought that on?"

"Nothing except my impressive Prince Charming fighting for me." She responded. "Perhaps he would like to find somewhere more private where I can better express my admiration."

"As you wish." He handed his swords to a servant as the couple sneaked away for a moment alone.

#king liam x riley #liam x riley #choices fanfic writers creations #choices the royal romance #liam trr #request #choices fic writers creations

58 notes · View notes

robininthelabyrinth · 3 years

Text

Fire and Light (ao3) - on tumblr: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8

- Chapter 9 -

Wen Ruohan presided over dinner in what was now a monthly occurrence.

He liked habit more, now that he was getting older; liked to have everything in its proper place.

Liked to indulge himself more.

Nie Mingjue mechanically forced down his food, drinking his soup first to fill his belly as quickly as possible. If he was very lucky, he might get a case of food poisoning, same as the one that had struck down the younger children that one time; if he did, he’d do his utmost to throw up all over Wen Ruohan’s shoes.

As always, they answered his questions. Wen Ruohan was just in the middle of an especially complicated hypothetical when one of his deputies rushed in with an urgent letter, falling to his knees before him. Wen Ruohan took the letter and read it; he scowled and dismissed them, rising to his feet to return to the throne room.

The reprieve felt like a brush of cool wind on a hot day.

Nie Mingjue caught Wen Xu’s eye.

Wen Xu winked.

It wasn’t really a surprise when the war started.

There were only so many hypothetical battle plans Nie Mingjue could be asked about, whether by Wen Ruohan or by Nie Huaisang and the younger generation of Wens, without him putting two and two together. He was put in the awkward situation of having to answer both sides to the best of his ability, and the whole thing started to feel a little like playing a game of go against himself.

“That’s what you get for being irritatingly good at tactics and with a knack for strategy, and having proven for years and years that you could find weaknesses in all of Sect Leader Wen’s hypothetical battleplans,” Nie Huaisang told him. “Talent brings with it its own punishment.”

“What’s your punishment for all your scheming, then?” Nie Mingjue asked, amused despite himself. “Becoming emperor and ruling the world?”

“I,” Nie Huaisang said, putting his hand to his chest, “am going to grow up to be absolutely useless.”

“Nice try.”

To Nie Mingjue’s relief, Wen Ruohan did not send him to the front line, perhaps afraid that Nie Mingjue would attempt some sabotage or maybe merely run away, and that made it more difficult for him to implement the plans Nie Mingjue suggested to him. They were good, solid plans, each and every one of them, Nie Mingjue implementing everything he learned about the rules of war and adding in a touch of his own knack for forecasting how people would react in a fight, but living so long in Qishan meant that he knew a little bit about how people behaved the rest of the time, too.

He couldn’t make bad suggestions in the plans he recommended or Wen Ruohan would know, but he could propose a plan that required a will of iron and nerves of steel when he knew that the general in charge of that particular division was crafty but cautious, could suggest a complex maneuver requiring cooperation for a general who hated his underlings, could apply just a bit of the brattiness he’d picked up from Wen Chao and Nie Huaisang alike to make his plans just that little bit more annoying to implement.

He could murmur counterplans in the dark of the night when they were all supposed to be asleep, casually sharing a single bed because it was cold, the strange chill of the Nightless City’s interior despite the warmer climate. He could stare at the ceiling, reciting weakness after weakness of the plans he had proposed as if he was merely anxious about them, and this time he tailored those weaknesses to specific strengths: how the pincer maneuver wouldn’t work if it was used against the Jiang, especially if they relied on their watercraft to escape, turning strength to weakness by retaliating in the aftermath; how the advantageous high ground of the mountain would backfire if their enemy were the Lan, their battle-songs’ effectiveness multiplied by the clear mountain air and the resonance of the echoes; how the effect of the ambush would be halved if it was used against the Jin, who were so rich and so lazy that their baggage train would never move fast enough to spring the trap in full.

He still didn’t know how Nie Huaisang and Wen Chao exchanged letters with Lan Wangji, or what Wen Ning was doing over in the Lotus Pier with the full support of Jiang Fengmian’s mother-in-law, or even what scheme Wen Xu and Wen Qing had concocted between them to lure in the normally reluctant Jin sect and force them to take a side. He didn’t need to know, didn’t want to know; he wanted to put his body between them and Wen Ruohan, distract the man with his ‘walks’ and his punishments and the influence that Wen Ruohan thought meant he knew everything there was to know, and to give them as much time as he could manage before disaster struck.

“Isn’t it time for Nie Huaisang to go to the Cloud Recesses?” he asked, playing ignorant, in the middle of a dinner when Wen Ruohan was already stewing over some unfortunate reversals, more than a few caused by the reemerged Qingheng-jun, who had taken on the mantle of leading the war as its general.

Wen Ruohan turned to him with lightning in his eyes, and Nie Mingjue didn’t have to opine on the war for an entire week, confined as he was to his sickbed.

But good things could not last, and he closed his eyes in anticipation of pain when Wen Xu came to sit by his bed in the middle of the night.

“Where is he sending you?” he asked. The two of them were the only ones old enough to be used in war, the others too young to go even for someone as disdainful of social norms as Wen Ruohan, and if Nie Mingjue could not be trusted on a battlefield then it had to be Wen Xu.

“I’m sorry,” Wen Xu said.

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault – are you supposed to tell him no? I know you will do everything you can to stop the worst of the war, to fight honorably and with fairness, avoiding harm to the common people.”

Wen Xu swallowed audibly. “You’ve always thought so well of me,” he murmured. “Always assumed such things…to continue to do badly even after I knew what you thought of me was to fail to live up to your expectations, and even if it made things harder sometimes, the alternative of letting you down was always worse. I hate to disappoint you now.”

“You won’t.”

There was a pause, a long silence. Wen Xu gathering his thoughts, steeling his spine.

“He wants me to burn the Unclean Realm.”

Nie Mingjue had expected a blow. He had not expected –

He exhaled, hard, and found Wen Xu’s hand with his own, squeezing it lightly.

I cannot forgive this, he meant. But I will hate him for it instead of you.

When the news came, Nie Mingjue allowed himself to feel for the first time the rage he had been swallowing down for nearly five years – his father’s rage, his family’s rage, Baxia’s rage, his own.

Training the saber was a style that promoted aggression, both in fighting and in the soul, and yet Nie Mingjue had restrained himself to the point of agony, oppressing himself internally as thoroughly as Wen Ruohan did externally, and all because he knew that the consequences of his actions would not be felt by him alone.

Because he was still his sect’s heir, still the rightful leader of Qinghe Nie, and if he could by his submission and humiliation earn them even a little more consideration, he would do it, however anathema it was to him.

He would be his sect’s heir before he was his father’s son, forgetting injustice and bending knee to his father’s killer – he would keep silent, no matter what he endured.

Wen Xu burned the Unclean Realm, and for the first time, Nie Mingjue put aside his silence.

He howled.

At first, Wen Ruohan laughed at him – the rage of the impotent was merely attractive coloring to him – but Nie Mingjue was not so foolish as to waste the gift of anger so easily. He did not do what Wen Ruohan had undoubtedly expected him to do: savage some training dummies, beat up a few pointless guards, beat himself even if only to vent the pain in his heart.

He did what Wen Ruohan did not expect.

Nie Mingjue, who loved only his family more than his sect –

He lashed out at them.

Nie Mingjue rampaged through the familial quarters at the Nightless City: he burned a sobbing Nie Huaisang’s fans, calling him worthless and a disappointment on their family name; he destroyed a cauldron in Wen Qing’s room in the midst of a batch of medicine she was making, unable to find her but naming her complicit, shouting that she supported evil from behind a façade of righteousness; he attacked Wen Chao’s room, searching for the son of his enemy and calling for his head, demanding blood for blood, red-eyed with fury, searching for a target.

He found one.

Not Wen Chao himself, of course – Nie Mingjue was not, as he was pretending to be, truly maddened beyond all reason, for all that the sorrow and anger he felt were real – but rather his bodyguard, who was nominally there to protect him.

Wen Zhuliu, the Core-Melting Hand. A technique that could only be used for two things, for scaring people – or turning the course of a single battle.

For destroying good people on the other side of the war, turning them into regular people that could not fight, and destroying morale at the same time – Wen Zhuliu was a plague-carrier, a danger that needed to be avoided, as much as weapon simply in the threat of him as he was in actual reality.

Wen Zhuliu was a fierce fighter, more powerful than a person with that sort of technique usually was, and Nie Mingjue was not in as good a shape as he could be, still recovering both emotionally and physically from his last walk with Wen Ruohan and the consequences of his insolent tongue, but he had the advantage of surprise on his side and his saber was unmatched in close combat, the melee his specialty.

By the time Wen Ruohan realized that Nie Mingjue had turned against his own in a way he’d been refusing to do for years and came to stop him, Nie Mingjue had already claimed Wen Zhuliu’s head, sticking it on a makeshift pike before burning the body as an offering in his father’s name.

He turned, red-eyed, to look upon the man he would much rather have killed but knew in his weakness that he couldn’t, and in the strength and safety of his rage decided to give it his best shot anyway.

It didn’t work, of course.

This time he was bedridden for more than a week.

Nie Mingjue found himself missing the others more than he thought he would.

He’d anticipated it, of course. The instant Wen Xu had told him his mission, the plan had leapt fully-formed into his mind, the only way he could think of to keep the younger children safe since there was no way to keep them beneath Wen Ruohan’s notice. In Wen Ruohan’s eyes they were tools, not yet old enough to be properly useful but still sharp enough to use where it counted – he knew how much Nie Mingjue loved them, and if the war went badly he would undoubtedly threaten their lives to get Nie Mingjue’s compliance, would use them as leverage to send him to the front line as a general for the wrong side. Any failure would be punished, and Nie Mingjue didn’t need personal experience to know that war was nothing but failures, one right after the other, interspersed with occasional victories snatched from the jaws of defeat.

Wen Ruohan would not accept that. He would hurt the children, again and again, just to hurt him.

He would put his attention on them, and when he did, he would figure out what they were doing. All their little schemes would become clear to his eyes, and then –

There was no and then. It was unthinkable.

Nie Mingjue wasn’t strong enough to stop Wen Ruohan, no more than he could stop the full weight of a rushing river, but like the river even Wen Ruohan could be diverted if you were clever enough about it.

Nie Mingjue was not especially clever, he didn’t think, not the way Nie Huaisang or Wen Xu or even Wen Qing were, but that was why he thought his plan would work – Wen Ruohan wouldn’t expect it from him.

He would accept the surface reading of what happened: he would think that Nie Mingjue had succumbed to his family’s curse and lashed out blindly in his rage, burning bridges it had taken him years to build, and his cruel mind would immediately leap to how he could use this to hurt and torment him. He would know that Nie Mingjue would be all the more pained if he knew that Wen Ruohan was using his gross violation of trust to replace his influence on the children, which Wen Ruohan hated, with his own.

Under the circumstances, it would hurt him more for Wen Ruohan to treat them well, seeking to seduce them into dependence, than it would hurt him to see them in pain. Nie Mingjue could only count on Wen Ruohan’s sadism to do the rest.

(And since he had no choice but to break with his family in such a horrible way, there was no reason not to take advantage of the situation to get rid of Wen Zhuliu. The benefits outweighed the costs – or at least, the benefits went to everyone, while the costs fell only on him, and he could accept that.)

Nie Mingjue had already seen the fruits of his efforts. At the very beginning, when Nie Mingjue was still bedridden, Wen Ruohan had brought Nie Huaisang with him to the room in the Fire Palace where Nie Mingjue had been imprisoned, and Nie Huaisang had quailed away from him, rocking backwards a little, almost even leaning behind Wen Ruohan as if Nie Mingjue was the scarier of the two.

(Nie Mingjue knew that Nie Huaisang was the finest actor of their group, but oh – it hurt, it hurt!)

Wen Ruohan smiled at the spasm of pain that crossed Nie Mingjue’s face and put his hand on Nie Huaisang’s shoulder as he drew him away.

Nie Mingjue wanted to cut off that hand and burn it to ashes.

He wanted –

He wanted many things.

A different life, for the most part. To live somewhere where he didn’t have to make these sorts of dirty calculations, to hurt the people he loved in order to save them from worse pain. Where he would be able to take Nie Huaisang into his arms and whisper promises that he wasn’t going to succumb to a qi deviation the way their father had, at least not any time soon; where he could buy Wen Qing a half-dozen new cauldrons in apology; where he could tell Wen Chao that he didn’t mean any of the things he’d forced himself to say…

He’d warned them, of course. But there was knowing, and then there was experiencing, and he – he hated to disappoint them, even a little.

And in all his plans he hadn’t realized how terribly he’d miss them, all of them, now that he couldn’t see them.

There was nothing to do but miss them now that he was here, trapped in a small little bed in a small little room with barely any light but that which came in through the door when someone walked by, all alone and waiting for Wen Ruohan to decide his fate.

A fate that was a lot less certain than it had once been, Nie Mingjue reflected. Wen Ruohan had once been bound by etiquette to keep him alive, to pretend to the cultivation world that his forced adoption was an act of generosity rather than an outright act of conquering, but all of those reasons went away now that the cultivation world had declared war on him.

He’d already sent Wen Xu to burn the Unclean Realm. Why bother with hiding behind a puppet?

At least it didn’t seem like Wen Ruohan had realized it yet.

#mdzs #nie mingjue #nie huaisang #wen xu #wen chao #wen ning #wen qing #my fic #my fics #fire and light #reminder for those that need it that this fic will not show on screen torture

142 notes · View notes

bunnys-beetlejuice-blog · 3 years

Text

come on in, folks, i got some kind of goof ass Beetlejuice/Evil Dead crossover for you to enjoy.

He’s eighteen, and it’s Saturday, which means that he and Lydia are wandering around Manhattan, looking for trouble to get into. Lydia, eleven and ever his little shadow, is standing next to him, as they take a moment, on the busy New York street corner, to sip their boba and think about their next move. They were meant to be watching some horror movie that had looked alright from the previews, but ended up being so stupid, it wasn’t even fun, and the Deetz siblings had found themselves walking out, one hour poorer but a bucket of overly butter saturated movie popcorn richer. “I still can’t believe how bad that was,” Lydia says, again, huffing, because they’d actually paid money to see that stinker, instead of sneaking in, which is their usual habit. “Ya get one big name attached an’ everyone apparently stops givin’ a shit. Musta figured th’ droolin’ masses would eat it up,” he agrees, and he slurps up the last of his tapioca balls, and then proceeds to eat the plastic straw. “Is it too much to ask that characters actually be interesting, and, I don’t know, behave like normal human people?” Lyds bitches, as BJ takes a bite out of his cup, too. She glances up at him, dryly. “I mean, I guess maybe my standards for normality are low, but still.”

He grins at her. “Whatever could you possibly mean, sister dearest?” he puts on a posh, almost transatlantic accent, and she rolls her eyes, and sucks boba up in her straw, then shoots the pearls at him like a pea shooter. He snorts and laughs.

It’s a good day, despite the letdown at the movies. It’s nearly that time of year, just about the start of his seasonal depression, as the sun becomes shy and things go cold and gray. Still, there’s some time left with the sunshine, so he’s drinking it up, savoring it, and it feels good, to stand here with Lyds, and talk about nothing. “Alright, come on, let’s second act it,” he grins, and she perks up. “I think Wicked’s playing!” “Wicked’s always playin’.” “Well, I’m not sitting through Hamilton, it’s a Saturday. I’m not learning if I don’t have to.” “Totally fuckin’ fair. Music Man, maybe?” “Hugh Jackman’s weirdly brick shaped head freaks me out.” “There’s gotta be a show we can sneak into,” BJ frowns, scratching at the scruff of his chin, and then he catches a scent he’s never smelled before, as Lydia puzzles through their remaining options. It’s like death, sort of, but not. Like death warmed over, or death, refried. He takes his sister’s hand, and leads her away from the street corner, following the smell, nose in the air, pupils blown wide, and Lydia laughs. “Great, time to go poke a dead thing. That’s more fun than The Last Four Years, at least.” She’s seen him go like this before, and thinks she knows what to expect.

Neither of them know how to react when they follow the scent down an alleyway and see the violent fight happening in front of them.

Parked at the far end of the alleyway is a car, some 70’s make that he doesn’t know enough about such things to name, and between it, and the Deetz siblings, is an one handed man absolutely going feral on a group of three refried dead smelling zombie… things. “Deadly-vu,” he hears Lydia whisper, as they watch the man perform a scissor kick that sends a zombie head flying. It bounces like a basketball against the brick wall that makes the alleyway, rolls, and lands at the Deetz sibling’s feet. There’s a beat, as they stare at it, and it stares back, before the head on the ground opens its mouth and speaks. “DEMON!” it shrieks, and then it makes the life ending choice to roll at Lydia, teeth bared, and his boot is going through it, crushing through the skull like an overly juicy bug under his heel. He takes a second to wipe the gore from his sole onto the pavement. “Maybe Wicked could be good,” he turns and says to Lydia, who responds by ducking behind him, because the body the head formerly belonged to seems to be stumbling at them, clutching something in it’s boiled and infected and puss covered arms, and it thrusts the thing at BJ, before falling down and collapsing into dust. It’s a book. Some kind of creepy old demon book, from the look of it. He wrinkles his nose in vague disgust, and then takes a sniff. If the zombie things are refried death, this thing is a whole fucking Mexican food buffet of it, and it makes his head spin in a way he’s never felt before. He kind of likes it. He’s about to give the cursed reading material a tentative lick before a boom rings out from in front of them- the one handed man has pulled a sawed off shotgun off his back, and dispatched another corpse thing. There’s one left, and it’s circling the man, who by this point is so blood covered, he looks like he was tricked into being prom queen, or something.

“Is it just me, or do you freaks just keep gettin’ uglier?” the man quips, and the corpse lunges, a stumbling move which earns it the butt of the shotgun to the jaw, which goes flying. The zombie is shot through the gut, and drops, but is a twitching, squirming mess. BJ’s seen enough horror movies to know that thing is getting back up. The stranger has apparently, too. He takes a moment to reload the shotgun, then double taps, blowing clean through the thing’s skull. He blows at the slightly smoking barrels of his sawed off, twirls it, and holsters it, re-slipping it onto his back. It’s a pretty cool move, actually, and the siblings watch in rapt attention. It takes the three remaining people (well, two people, one demon,) in the alley a moment to actually focus on each other, and there’s silence, before the stranger speaks. “Uh,” says the man, covered in blood, and Lydia peaks out from behind BJ, and stares at him, with big eyes. “Kids,” he hears the man mutter. “Great, just what I need, a coupla kids, gettin’ in my way.. Hey, kiddies,” he says, louder, with a smile, which might be really charming when he’s not soaked in rot and blood, but the effect at the moment is not as sincere and friendly as he clearly thinks it is. “Looks like you two little heroes managed to wrangle my book away from those deadites. You wanna do your pal Ash a favor, and hand it over?” He makes a “come here” motion with his stump arm, and then seems to realize that’s not so appealing, because he tucks that appendage behind his back, worried, suddenly, about scaring them. As if a man with a missing hand is the weirdest thing they've seen in the last five minutes.

“What the fuck,” Lydia says, and BJ can’t help but agree with that sentiment. Also, he feels a vague sense of sudden responsibility for this weird old tome. It doesn’t exactly seem like the kind of thing a human should have. Maybe those zombies… deadites? Maybe they were trying to get back what was stolen from them. Though he’s not charitable enough to assume that they’re the good guys in this feud. The stranger, Ash, takes a careful step forward. “It’s alright,” he says, like he’s talking to a wild animal he’s trying to tame, and not a teen and preteen, respectively. “I’m not gonna hurtcha. Just need to get my book back.”

A sudden screeching wind roars down the alleyway, and both living humans react, ducking, as it bellows and swirls around them, kicking up dust and trash and chunks of leftover deadite. “Demon! Aid us!” BJ feels a presence in front of his face, something he can’t see, but a great, ancient something, reaching out to him, demanding, begging, pleading, for him to assist in whatever macabre goal it wants to meet. He responds by sticking his unglamoured tongue out at it. “Ewww, gross. No.”

The thing shrieks again, and makes a beeline for Lydia, which is just about the stupidest thing it could have done, because he drops his glamour fully and snarls, gives the ancient being a psychic push back, and he sends the thing that cannot be seen flying, out of the shady darkness of this alleyway, past what he assumes to be Ash’s car, and out onto the city street, into the sun. It shrieks and moans and curses him. He flips it off, as it dissipates. The vibe in the air, however, tells him it’s not “dead,” just gone.

Ash straightens up and looks at him. BJ’s already slipped his human disguise back on, so the effect is that Ash has just seen what seems to be a slightly too pale and definitely overweight human teen somehow push back an ancient evil, totally unaffected. Now it’s his turn to let out a confused, “What the fuck?”

“Come on, BJ!” Lydia grabs her big brother’s arm and pulls him away, running from the gore and the confused zombie slayer. “Wait, kids-!” Ash rounds the corner, after them, but the Deetz siblings are already gone, disappeared into thin air, flash stepping the span of blocks in the blink of an eye, and they don’t stop until Lydia, sick from the teleportation, gives his hand a squeeze. They appear on a rooftop, confusing and traumatizing some pigeons that had been roosting.

“Wait, why did we run?’ BJ asks, and Lydia looks at him like he’s a moron. “Because that guy was clearly a monster hunter! And kind of really good at it!” she says. He mulls that over, and smiles. “Worried for your big bro?” he bats his eyelashes at her, and she responds by slugging him in the gut, which he reacts the barest amount to. “Last thing I want is to explain to mom and dad how you ended up with a shotgun blast through your skull,” she says, and crosses her arms, before leaning forward, to study the book he’s still holding. “So. What is that?” He grins. “Wanna open it an’ find out?” Read the rest of the first chapter here!

#beetlejuice #beetlejuice fic #beetlejuice au #bj deetz au #ashley williams #ash williams #evil dead fanfiction #lydia deetz #emily deetz #charles deetz #my writing

20 notes · View notes

ibijau · 3 years

Note

a prompt (a/b/o, bc i like how you write it): the sunshot campaign has just ended, and nie huaisang is looking forward to a future in which he can devote himself to wooing lan xichen. the match would be a little scandalous—it’s rare for an alpha to marry in, as nie huaisang intends to—but alpha-beta pairs are perfectly normal, and lan qiren is certainly more accepting of his first nephew’s crush than of lan wangji’s. less than three weeks into peacetime, however, nie huaisang’s plans hit a massive snag: jin zixuan has presented as an omega, removing him from the jin line of succession (and nie huaisang cannot help but be a little offended by that, on da-ge’s behalf—omegas can lead just as well as anyone else! the jin succession tradition is just stupid). but that’s the way things are in the jin sect, and so madame jin is scrambling to put together a marriage to get her son out of lanling before the worst happens... and the top two candidates on her list just so happen to be lan xichen and nie huaisang himself.

hello and welcome to: I like that prompt a little too much and got carried away, so now it’s 8K long. Also on AO3

warning for some mentions of rape toward the end of the story

Nie Huaisang’s plan starts when, at the tender age of eleven, he is introduced to the boy who doesn’t yet go by the name of Lan Xichen and is about to become his brother’s closest friend. Nie Huaisang, young as he is, decides that this is his true love, and of course he must ensure Lan Huan and him have the most perfect future possible together. He learns about Gusu Lan, reads as many books as he can, educates himself in the four arts, and even makes a vague effort to somewhat improve his cultivation, all so he can be the perfect spouse for a future sect leader.

A little after turning fourteen, Lan Xichen presents as a beta. It is a small deviation from Nie Huaisang’s plan, who was firmly expecting his beloved to be an alpha, but that is no big problem. Lan Xichen is Lan Xichen, he is the most perfect person in the world. Details don’t matter too much.

Another deviation from Nie Huaisang’s plan occurs when, a few days short of his own fourteenth birthday, he presents as an alpha. That, of course, is an absolute disaster. Nie Huaisang doesn’t want to be an alpha. Qinghe Nie is full of those, and he isn’t too impressed with them. He is on the brink of a complete meltdown when he figures that if his brother can be an omega who has all the qualities of an alpha, then surely he can be an alpha living the easy going life of an omega, including marrying into another sect.

Of course Nie Mingjue isn’t very happy that Nie Huaisang refuses to behave like a proper alpha, like a proper Nie, but he can hardly make an arguments against that choice without undermining his own position, so it doesn’t matter. Nie Huaisang cheerfully goes back to planning his happy future, researching cases of an alpha marrying into another sect. There are more of those than he would have expected to find, and though it is mostly alpha marrying other alphas, Nie Huaisang now knows he can rest on a precedent to argue his case.

With all this settled, the hardest part of his plan begins: seducing Lan Xichen.

It is easy enough to be sent to the Cloud Recesses to study there. A little too easy, really. Nie Huaisang suspects that his brother wanted him to go there anyway just to have some peace, and in hopes Lan Qiren might straighten him out a bit. Nie Huaisang doesn’t mind though, since it gives him a chance to be close to the love of his life. He also doesn’t mind his dreadful grades which give him a good excuse to spend time with Lan Xichen, begging him to help. Lan Xichen, generous and kind and patient and perfect in nearly every aspect, as well as eager to be a good friend to Nie Mingjue, even by proxy, of course agrees and allows Nie Huaisang to spend far more time in his room than is probably reasonable.

It would be a little scandalous really, but when Lan Qiren once tries to raise the issue in front of his nephew, Lan Xichen just laughs gently.

“Huaisang is nothing more than a little brother to me,” he says. “How could anyone think any different?”

It is a hard blow to Nie Huaisang’s fragile teenage ego, and a new setback to his perfect plan. At the same time, he has been in the Cloud Recesses for almost half a year by now, and has already guessed that this is how Lan Xichen sees him. Two years of difference won’t mean much once they are adults and married, but right now it is a pretty big gap.

Having accepted this, Nie Huaisang changes his plan again, but not his goal. If all Lan Xichen needs from him at the moment is a less stuck up little brother than the real one, Nie Huaisang will be happy to provide. He likes making Lan Xichen laugh anyway, and it’s obvious that Lan Xichen enjoys having someone to guide and teach in a way Lan Wangji won’t allow.

He can be patient, when he needs to be.

He can also be exactly as stupid as the situation calls for. It’s easy as anything to completely fail his exams. Lan Qiren almost has a qi deviation on the spot after reading Nie Huaisang’s final test, and Nie Mingjue is furious, but he can deal with that just fine, as long as he gets to come back another year in the Cloud Recesses and make sure nobody else can seduce the love of his life before puberty fully hits and gives him his fair chance.

That second year in the Cloud Recesses proves to be a test of Nie Huaisang’s determination in ways he hadn’t expected.

In his defence, the world has many more pretty boys than he ever realised.

Lan Wangji, heinous little bitch that he is, got hit hard by puberty in the short time that Nie Huaisang went home. He’s suddenly a head taller than Nie Huaisang, and looking every bit the alpha that he is even though he’s a year younger. Nie Huaisang is devoured with envy because just two months ago, Lan Wangji was just a baby, but suddenly he is very, very handsome.

Then, there’s the other guest disciples as well. Most are pretty decent looking, but some stand out from the crowd. Jiang Cheng has a bone structure to kill for, sharp eyes, and his rare smile is as radiant as sunshine on the lingering snows of spring. And everywhere he goes, Wei Wuxian follows, tall and more graceful than any boy of fifteen has any right to be. They make a stunning pair of alphas, really, to the point that it worries Nie Huaisang when the three of them strike a friendship of sorts. First, because there’s a few times when he finds himself wondering what it’d be like to kiss one of them, which is an awful betrayal of his one true love Lan Xichen. Second, because his looks are already inadequate to begin with, so hanging out with those two only makes him look even plainer by contrast.

What Nie Huaisang needs, he decides after a few weeks, is someone less pretty than him to spend time with, so he’ll look somewhat handsome next to them. And so, after some brief consideration, his great plan changes again to adapt to this new situation.

Nie Huaisang becomes friends with Jin Zixuan.

Well, saying they’re friends might be pushing it. Instead, Nie Huaisang forcibly spends time with Jin Zixuan, when Wei Wuxian is being punished by Lan Wangji, Jiang Cheng is studying, and Lan Xichen is too busy as well. It’s rather clear that Jin Zixuan isn’t very enthusiastic to have company. Quite frankly, Nie Huaisang wouldn’t have picked him as a companion either, if he’d had a choice. Jin Zixuan is haughty, has no conversation, no humour, a bad personality, and is just all around boring. He is also tragically baby faced, hasn’t even presented yet, and has nothing to recommend him except for the fact that his father is sect leader. It is practically a charity case. Indeed, when Lan Xichen hears that Nie Huaisang has been trying to become friends with Jin Zixuan, he congratulates him on it.

“I think he is a rather lonely person, isn’t he?” Lan Xichen remarks. “I’m glad you’re trying to help him. Hopefully you’ll help him relax a little.”

“Like I do with you, Xichen-gege?” Nie Huaisang boldly asks.

Lan Xichen laughs a little awkwardly, and Nie Huaisang could swear there’s a spot of colour on the older boy’s cheeks.

“I suppose I do relax when I’m with you. Are you thinking of replacing me, now that you’ve found a friend more your age?”

“Of course not,” Nie Huaisang earnestly promises. “Xichen-gege will always be the most important person for me!”

Lan Xichen smiles gently at him. “You are a good boy, and I’m sure your brother will be proud of you. I know I am.”

Hearing this, Nie Huaisang nearly faints from happiness. Just for this, it’s worth it to put up with Jin Zixuan.

But in fairness, as weeks pass, Nie Huaisang finds it a little easier to be around Jin Zixuan. The other boy mellows a bit, like a wild beast being slowly tamed. And once Wei Wuxian leaves, Jin Zixuan suddenly isn’t so prickly anymore, now that nobody is constantly taunting him and picking fights with him. He even has a sense of humour, when you know how to spot it. The first time Nie Huaisang bursts out laughing over a muttered remark Jin Zixuan made, it’s hard to say who is most surprised.

Besides, Jin Zixuan is one of the few people Nie Huaisang has met who doesn’t judge him for not striving to be a perfect alpha. Just like Lan Xichen, Jin Zixuan is surprisingly accepting of Nie Huaisang’s peculiarities.

“I prefer someone like you over some alphas who act right in public, then do everything wrong in private,” Jin Zixuan says with open disdain one day, as they walk in a garden of the Cloud Recesses.

It is a beautiful summer day, and the school year is almost over, which makes Nie Huaisang rather sad. He had planned to stay another year, still to make sure that nobody else makes a move on Lan Xichen, but he’s starting to think it will be lonely without the other friends he’s made.

“Well, I’m hardly much of an alpha in private too,” Nie Huaisang argues.

Jin Zixuan shrugs. “Not in the typical way. But you’re very protective of the people you care about, right? And you like to make people feel included. Like me and Lan gongzi… even Lan er-gongzi, when he lets you. You really don’t like when people seem lonely, do you?”

A little embarrassed to have such kind motives assigned to his actions, Nie Huaisang doesn’t reply right away. He pretends to inspect some gentians near Jin Zixuan’s feet, admiring how the deep blue of the petals contrasts rather beautifully against the gold of Jin robes.

He can’t explain that he’s always around Lan Xichen because he’s madly in love with this perfect boy, or that if he’s nice to Lan Wangji, it’s mostly just because they’re going to be in-laws someday. Above all else, he absolutely can’t tell Jin Zixuan why he decided to start spending time with him, mostly because he’s changed his mind so much since then. Jin Zixuan really isn’t boring after all, and he’s not quite so plain after all. Even if his face is still a little too round and soft for his age, there are signs here and there of what a handsome alpha he will be one day. Out of everyone he's met this year, Jin Zixuan is Nie Huaisang's favourite new friend.

“Jin-gongzi is giving me too much credit,” Nie Huaisang says at last. “I just wanted a friend less annoying than Wei-xiong, and you happened to be there.”

“Is that why you only call me gongzi, when you’re never this formal with others?” Jin Zixuan asks, sounding… not quite hurt, he has too much self control for that, but still…

Well, still a little bit hurt, actually.

“I know how your sect likes formality,” Nie Huaisang explains. “I just don’t want to disrespect you.”

“The Lan too are very formal, but you call Lan Xichen ‘gege’ all the time.”

“Oh that’s different, that’s just because he’s my da-ge’s friend!” Nie Huaisang lies. “We’re close enough the two of us, so it’s fine to call him like that.” An idea hits him, and he leans toward Jin Zixuan with a wicked grin. “If you’re so jealous though, I can call you Jin-didi. Would that work for you?”

In an instant, Jin Zixuan’s face turns a bright red and he splutters in anger. Nie Huaisang can’t help laughing at that cute reaction.

“Who says I’m jealous?” Jin Zixuan explodes. “What’s there to be jealous about?”

Nie Huaisang pokes him in the ribs, still laughing. “Jin-didi, it’s fine to have a crush on an older boy, it’s normal! I understand, I really do! Thank you, Jin-didi, for entrusting your heart to me!”

“Stop calling me that!” Jin Zixuan shouts, so mortified that he’s nearly crying.

“Jin-didi! Don’t worry, this Nie-gege doesn’t mind at all. It happens, it’s because you’re probably going to present as an alpha soon, and so you’re looking for role models around you. I am so flattered, Jin-didi. It will pass though, everyone grows out of it, don’t worry.”

Jin Zixuan’s face is so red that he looks sunburned, and the dot of cinnabar on his forehead looks almost pale compared to his face.

“You’re so stupid,” Jin Zixuan hisses, shoving Nie Huaisang to the side and stomping away. “I don’t know why I even put up with you, you’re even more annoying than Wei Wuxian!”

Nie Huaisang is too breathless from laughter to stop him from leaving. It’s for the best anyway, Jin Zixuan looked like he might pick up a fight with him for offending his dignity like this, and Nie Huaisang doesn’t feel like being punched in the face.

Still, from that day on, he makes sure to call Jin Zixuan ‘didi’ every chance he gets, just because he makes such funny faces.

Nie Huaisang passes his exams at the end of the year, because Lan Xichen told him that Nie Mingjue really doesn’t want him to be away from home this long again, not when the Wens have been acting up lately. For a second, Lan Xichen seems a little sad when Nie Huaisang promises to do his best, but it must just have been a trick of the light. When Nie Huaisang blinks, Lan Xichen’s expression is warm and polite and slightly impersonal, as always.

It’s fine anyway, Nie Huaisang figures. They’re sure to meet again soon. And when they’re married, Nie Huaisang will be able to stay in the Cloud Recesses for good, and they’ll be happy, and Nie Mingjue’s paranoia won’t ruin all his plans anymore.

It turns out that Nie Mingjue’s paranoia was, in fact, justified all along.

That’s not such a big surprise, Nie Huaisang must admit. Others tend to think his brother is stupid, but he knows better. Nie Mingjue might be a big brute, but he’s a clever one who understands politics better than anyone would suspect. He doesn’t care to play the game, but he knows the rules and he watches the moves made by others. For years and years he’s tried to warn others of the troubles he’s guessed were coming, but no one listened.

Well, they’re going to listen now, Nie Huaisang figures as he makes his way to Nightless City to serve as hostage with other disciples of Qinghe Nie. It’s kind of hard to ignore when every young master or mistress from every sect in the country is being held and re-educated by Wen Ruohan’s minions.

The whole time they’re there, Nie Huaisang tries to play it cool, like none of this affects him. He’s somewhat lucky because the Wen don’t seem to realise that he’s an alpha, and so they barely pay attention to him, while they endlessly bother Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji and even poor Jin Zixuan who hasn’t even presented yet. These four get harassed daily about this and that. Their attitude is too rebellious, or too tame for proper alphas. They try too hard, or not hard enough. They’re too skilled and clever, or else they’re playing stupid and clearly trying to mock Qishan Wen.

In fairness, all of these accusations are absolutely true when it comes to Wei Wuxian. But even if he were to behave properly, Nie Huaisang suspects the Wen would find some fault with him.

Nie Huaisang watches all that and tries to stay out of it. The most he can do, anyway, is to offer the medicine he secretly brought with him (his brother insisted, and he was right as always) and to share his portion of food with his friends whenever they’re denied a meal. At least, when they accept. Jiang Cheng does sometimes, unless his pride gets in his way. Wei Wuxian usually refuses and boasts that he’s been wanting to practice inedia for a while anyway. Lan Wangji isn’t so loud about it, but does the same. Poor Jin Zixuan, though… even when he’s given his own portion of food he always seems hungry, so the days when he must do without are particularly hard on him. He still tries to refuse when Nie Huaisang wants to share, but in his case, Nie Huaisang doesn’t hesitate to insist.

“You’re going to present soon, aren’t you?” he whispers, pushing his bowl of bland, watery congee toward Jin Zixuan who nods miserably. Nie Huaisang remembers the horrible hunger he felt for a few weeks before presenting, when his body was hard at work preparing for the big changes that were coming. Even with all the food he could ask for he’d been starving, so he can’t imagine how much Jin Zixuan must be suffering. “You have to eat, Jin-didi,” he orders. “Please, eat something, or else your Nie-gege will be sad.”

It says a lot about Jin Zixuan’s state that he doesn’t even object to being called this way. Nie Huaisang lets Jin Zixuan have both of his meals that day, explaining that he actually has snacks hidden along with his medicine.

It’s not his best lie, but it does the trick that time, and the following ones as well.

After a week of this, Nie Huaisang is starting to feel a little unwell. His golden core just isn’t very strong, and cannot sustain him through inedia the way it would for others. He’s always known this, there’s just something not quite right with his meridian which means cultivation doesn’t come easy for him. Usually it doesn’t bother him, but after eating so little for several days, of course there’s side effects… but someone has to take care of Jin Zixuan, right?

It’s almost a relief when they’re told one morning that everyone is going on a Night Hunt. It’s not the first one Wen Chao took them on, and while it’s unpleasant to fight creatures without weapons, at least they’ve always been given better rations.

In the end, good rations feel like a poor trade for what happens on that Night Hunt. Nie Huaisang has never been so terrified in his life, except when he was eleven and his father lost his mind… although this is worse, so much worse. His father wounded some people, but he didn’t kill anyone the way that false Xuanwu does, slaughtering anyone it can grab before they manage a daring escape, thanks to Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian. Nie Huaisang, who is a fairly decent swimmer, ends up helping Jin Zixuan through the underwater passage, since the other boy is starting to look really unwell. He hasn’t been hurt, thankfully, but it’s clear he’s close to presenting. He must have only a few days left at best, or more likely a few hours.

Maybe that’s why even after they’re safely out of the cave, Jin Zixuan won’t let go of Nie Huaisang’s hand, why he leans so heavily against his side. Nie Huaisang allows it all. He probably should hand Jin Zixuan over to the Jin disciples present, but if they were trustworthy, Jin Zixuan would already have gone to them for comfort, wouldn’t he?

“It’s okay, Jin-didi,” Nie Huaisang tells the other boy while putting his free hand on Jin Zixuan’s forehead. He’s burning, and this is really the worst time and the worst place to be presenting, but it’s going to happen anyway. “I’m here with you. We’re going to get you home, and then you’ll be safe, right?”

Jin Zixuan nods weakly. “Thank you, Nie-gege,” he whispers, and Nie Huaisang’s heart does somersaults in his chest at being called that. It makes him want to keep Jin Zixuan close, to really protect him from anyone that might hurt him.

It’s a stupid idea, of course. Jin Zixuan is about to present, and when that’s over, when he’s an alpha, he’s never going to need anyone’s protection again. What’s happening here won’t last very long.

Nie Huaisang figures it’s fine to enjoy this while it’s there. He’s sure Lan Xichen, if he’s still alive, will understand that even an alpha as weak and pathetic as him needs to feel protective here and there.

It takes a long, long while to go home on foot. By the time Nie Huaisang and the other Nie disciples reach Qinghe, a war has been declared against the Wen because they’ve attacked the Lotus Piers and annihilated the entirety of Yunmeng Jiang. Nie Huaisang cries upon hearing this, because Jiang Cheng was fine when he last saw him, because it’s unfair that Wei Wuxian was rescued from that cave only to die like this anyway.

He cries also because Nie Mingjue is going to risk his life, because there’s still no news from Lan Xichen.

He cries because he won’t even be able to help his brother, and is to be sent to the Cloud Recesses where he’s less likely to be captured and used as a hostage again.

He cries because that’s all he’s good for, apparently.

Lan Xichen is alive.

Nie Huaisang cries when Lan Qiren tells him, and then doesn’t shed a single tear again and sets to work to be of some use in this war they’re fighting. The husband of a sect leader must be a useful person after all. Lan Xichen will have to deal with so many responsibilities, much earlier than he ever should have to, so Nie Huaisang needs to step up his game and become someone worthy of his future husband. He might be lazy, and spoiled, and a little useless, but Nie Huaisang is also very stubborn when he wants something, and what he wants is Lan Xichen, the most perfect person in the world.

Lan Xichen who smiles with the warmth of a tender spring afternoon, who is always calm and collected, who smells of gentian and pine trees. Lan Xichen who never has a hair out of place. Lan Xichen who always knows what to do, what to say, no matter the situation.

Lan Xichen who looks utterly broken when he comes to visit the Cloud Recesses, three months into the war.

Perhaps to others he doesn’t look so bad. The Lan disciples who are with Nie Huaisang when Lan Xichen arrives don’t comment on it. But Nie Huaisang has been observing Lan Xichen for years at this point, and he can instantly tell that something is wrong. It shows in the way the beta carries himself, how his eyes glance over things as if he cannot see what’s around him, the slight twitch at the corner of his lips when he smiles. Nie Huaisang’s heart aches to see his beloved in such a state. He hates the Wen more than ever, if such a thing is possible, for having hurt Lan Xichen this way.

Because there is so much to do, because Lan Xichen has so many responsibilities now, it seems at first that Nie Huaisang won’t have a moment alone with him. He tries to be fine with that. A sect leader’s husband must know that sometimes he comes second to the sect in question. But the hollowness in Lan Xichen’s eyes haunts him too much. That night, close to the hour for curfew, Nie Huaisang decides that he must offer some distraction to the love of his life, perhaps even some comfort, should Lan Xichen be inclined to allow it.

It’s risky to be out and about at that hour. Even at such a time, the Lan are strict with their rules, and Nie Huaisang knows he will be scolded, or even punished, if he is caught. To avoid that he doesn’t knock on the front door of Lan Qiren’s house, where he knows Lan Xichen is also living for the time being, and instead comes in through the back. He will be in so much trouble if he’s spotted, but love comes before rules. Soon enough he’s inside a private garden, knocking on the door of the only room where a candle still burns.

To Nie Huaisang’s relief, it is indeed Lan Xichen who opens that door for him.

To his horror, Lan Xichen looks even worse than before, his eyes red from crying.

“Huaisang, what are you doing here?” Lan Xichen asks, trying to quickly regain his composure.

“I thought I’d come see you, Xichen-gege. You looked like you might need a friend.”

Lan Xichen takes in a sharp breath, like he’s trying not to sob. He manages to keep his face impassive, but two tears still drop on his cheeks, leaving a shiny trail behind. If Nie Huaisang didn’t have such excellent manners, he would lunge forward to kiss away those tears.

“I’m not sure I’m fit for company,” Lan Xichen says in a voice that trembles a little. “I find myself in a rather emotional state at the moment.”

“Then you definitely need a friend,” Nie Huaisang replied. “I offer myself, if you’ll have me.”

A few more tears escape Lan Xichen’s reddened eyes, which he tries to wipe away quickly, like a child just starting to learn he’s not supposed to cry in public. Nie Huaisang braces himself for rejection, but Lan Xichen instead pinches the hem of his sleeve and pulls him inside.

“You’ll be in trouble if someone sees you,” he explains. “How unreasonable, Huaisang… didn’t you realise that people might talk, seeing an alpha roaming around at night?”

Of all the things Nie Huaisang has thought about before coming here, that particular detail hasn’t occurred to him. People often forget he’s an alpha, and so does he, most of the time. Outside of his ruts, he might as well be a beta, and he’s convinced people who meet him must think that’s the case. But of course the Lans know better.

“Xichen-gege, I don’t want to cause you trouble or start gossip against you,” Nie Huaisang says. “I wanted to see if I could make you smile, that’s all. If you think I should leave, just say so and I’ll stop bothering you.”

“That might be…” Lan Xichen starts, before choking on his words. “Maybe you should… This is… it is…”

More tears drop on Lan Xichen's cheeks and he gasps in an alarming fashion, trying to stop himself from breaking down into sobs. Nie Huaisang’s heart clenches painfully at the sight. He takes one of Lan Xichen’s hands in his, trying to offer him comfort. Immediately Lan Xichen starts crying in earnest, falling to his knees. Nie Huaisang follows him, sitting on the floor near him, patting his hand, his shoulder even when the sobs get too heavy.

They stay like this a long while, sitting on the floor of that bare room which doesn’t really belong to Lan Xichen and only serves as a reminder of everything that he has lost. Nie Huaisang can’t find any words of comfort to offer, because he knows how empty those would feel. All he has to give is his presence, and his patience.

It is well past curfew when Lan Xichen finally calms down enough to sit a little straighter.

“How disappointed you must be, seeing me so weak,” Lan Xichen says, quickly drying his tears with the fabric of his inner robes. “I’m not the person you think I am, in the end.”

“You are that person and more,” Nie Huaisang sincerely replies. He squeezes Lan Xichen’s hand in his, barely refraining the impulse to kiss it. Seeing Lan Xichen like this, imperfect, angry and hurt, only makes Nie Huaisang love him more. How could he not, when Lan Xichen is giving him this trust? “Xichen-gege, I like everything about you, the good and the bad. I like you when you are calm in front of everything, and I like you when you can’t be strong anymore.”

Lan Xichen sighs and tilts his head, trying to smile but not quite managing it. “Huaisang…”

“I do, I really do!” Nie Huaisang insists. “I just wish I could help you more. I wish I could give you strength when yours runs out. I wish I had the power to protect you against those who would harm you. You make me wish I could be more than I am, so I could stand at your side and be of use to you.”

Lan Xichen smiles, and brings his trembling free hand to touch the alpha’s cheek.

“And I’m glad you are exactly the way you are,” Lan Xichen says with unbearable tenderness. “You are as I want you to be, as I want to see you at my side.”

Nie Huaisang’s heart is racing at those words, and he feels his face flush.

“Xichen-gege, I don’t think you and I mean quite the same thing here.”

“I think we do. I wasn’t sure what to think of this,” Lan Xichen admits, gently cupping the side of Nie Huaisang’s head, who must resist the impulse to close his eyes and lean into that touch. “I thought you only liked the image I try to give, and that you would be disappointed when you’d learn who I really am. But you’re seeing me now, and… you still like me?”

“More than ever,” Nie Huaisang whispers.

Lan Xichen smiles at him, beautiful like dawn after a cold and dark winter night.

“Then when this is over, let’s see how we can deal with this,” Lan Xichen says. “I know there’s precedent for such situations, though it will be unconventional. I fear you’ll have to marry into Gusu Lan, if this is to happen. Could you bear with that?”

Nie Huaisang nods, laughing and crying at once, delighted beyond words to realise that Lan Xichen too has made plans. He knew they were well suited for each other, he knew it all along, and finally he’s proven right.

Finally, he’s going to be happy.

The Sunshot Campaign ends, and sooner than everyone expected. Wei Wuxian’s new techniques are to thank for that… or to blame, depending who’s talking. Not everybody is fond of what Wei Wuxian has done during the war. Still, he’s a hero, one of many. Of the young masters of great sects in their generation, only Nie Huaisang and Jin Zixuan haven’t gained a title for their glorious deeds.

In fact, when Nie Huaisang asks around, it appears that Jin Zixuan didn’t contribute at all to the war, in any way. He wasn’t among those who fought, which isn’t such a surprise when Jin Guangshan barely wanted his sect involved at all. But Jin Zixuan wasn’t on the back front either, and that’s strange. Nie Huaisang knows his friend isn't a coward like him, and must have wanted to contribute in some fashion. Jin Guanshan will have tried to stop him, but Jin Zixuan is exactly the sort of person who would run away and join another sect's troupes to do his part in fighting the Wen.

Nie Huaisang becomes truly concerned when he learns that while Jin Zixuan has been absent from the war, one of Jin Guangshan's bastards has seen his status elevated and been given a title. Jin Ziyao, Lianfang-zun, is the first out of many bastards that Jin Guangshan has ever seen fit to legitimise.

Suddenly, Nie Huaisang becomes terrified for his friend. Jin Zixuan looked so unwell that day after they escaped the cave. If his group stumbled upon the Wen, if he was wounded or worse…

Jin Zixuan is absent from the banquet held in Jinlin Tai to celebrate the end of the war. It is noticed and gossiped about, especially since Jin Guangshan brought not only Jin Ziyao, but also another of his bastards, a mere child who rumour says he might legitimise as well. Worse still, Madam Jin is somewhat polite to both of her husband's bastards, when she's been known to never even allow anyone to mention his infidelities before her.

Sick with worry, Nie Huaisang cannot eat or drink anything and quickly excuses himself from the celebration. He takes refuge on a platform that overhangs above elegant gardens, leaning over a railing to admire the sight. He hoped that being alone would give him a chance to calm down, but it only makes things worse. Jin Zixuan used to say he'd make Nie Huaisang visit the gardens of Jinlin Tai someday and show the peacocks from up close, but that might never happen now, because he might be…

Nie Huaisang bursts into tears.

He shouldn't have let Jin Zixuan go with the Jin that day, he should have kept him close and protected him, so nothing could happen to him. There is no safer place in the world than with a group of Nie, and Nie Huaisang knows even a pitiful alpha like him would have sprung into action if the situation called for it.

He knows that for Jin Zixuan's sake, he would have easily torn Wen Chao's throat with his bare teeth, if it had come to that.

Nie Huaisang is still crying when Lan Xichen finds him and silently wraps his arms around him. It helps a bit, if only because it reminds Nie Huaisang that things aren't entirely awful, that even if something happened to Jin Zixuan, he won’t have to face his grief alone. They’ve talked to Nie Mingjue who grumbled mightily against his brother leaving Qinghe Nie, but that was never an argument he could have won, not when Nie Huaisang has prepared for it half his life. Once Lan Xichen’s mourning period is over, they will be married, exactly as Nie Huaisang planned.

“What has you so upset?” Lan Xichen asks, pulling his fiancé closer, enveloping him into the long layers of his robes until Nie Huaisang feels like a chick under its brooding mother.

“I’m worried about Zixuan. Nobody has seen him since the start of the war, nobody knows anything, and he isn’t here tonight…”

Lan Xichen stiffens somewhat, and for a brief moment he loses control of himself enough that Nie Huaisang can smell him, the scent of gentians and pine lingering even after Lan Xichen returns to his usual restraint.

“You’ve become very close to him, haven’t you?” Lan Xichen asks. “I don’t think you’ve asked about anyone else as much as him during the whole campaign.”

“I got news from the others all the time,” Nie Huaisang says. “But Zixuan… and he was in a concerning state last I saw him. I just feel like I should have done more for him. What if he’s…”

“He’s not dead. Ziyao would know, and he would have told me. I’ve asked on your behalf.”

Nie Huaisang smiles, and snuggles closer to the beta.

“Thank you. But what’s the matter with him then?”

Lan Xichen shrugs slightly. “Ziyao doesn’t know,” he admits. “Nobody in Jinlin Tai seems to know, except for Jin zongzhu and Jin furen. She’s the only one who gets to see him, along with a handful of servants loyal to her. Ziyao has heard that his brother might have been cursed, or fell sick somehow, but in the end he’s not really sure.”

“Poor Zixuan, he must be so bored,” Nie Huaisang sighs. He knows his friend is used to a certain isolation, but that’s different from being truly alone. He knows also that Jin Zixuan, when given the chance, isn’t someone who enjoys being on his own anyway, and that he’s an active person who likes to practice martial arts, go on Night Hunts, or even just walk around town and check shops. This situation must be a torture for him. “Do you think they’d let me see him if I asked? Or at least write to him maybe? I’m just so worried...”

Lan Xichen tenses, his scent flaring once again. Before Nie Huaisang can ask about that, he hears approaching footsteps. Since it is highly inappropriate for them to be in such an intimate position in public, and when they’re not even formally engaged, they quickly pull apart to look at the newcomer. Nie Huaisang expected his brother, or Lan Wangji perhaps.

Instead, they find themselves in front of Madam Jin. They promptly bow to her, and exchange a worried glance. She isn’t exactly known for looking kindly at couples who misbehave in her home, and her expression can best be described as cold and angry.

“Do you really wish to see my son, Nie gongzi?” she asks, startling Nie Huaisang who can only nod in answer. “Then follow me. He’ll be glad to have a visit. Lan gongzi may come as well. This might concern him as well.”

Again, the two young men trade glances, surprised by that sudden invitation. Neither of them protests, least of all Nie Huaisang who is only too happy to follow her. Lan Xichen, after some hesitation, does the same. All three of them walk in silence in the labyrinth that is Jinlin Tai until they reach a rather isolated house guarded by two fierce looking betas who have their hands on their swords as soon as they see someone approaching, and don’t let go until they recognise Madam Jin.

“Keep an eye out,” she orders the guards as the three of them go inside. “He’s been drinking, and his rut is coming close.”

The guards nod, and firmly close the door behind Madam Jin and her guests. Nie Huaisang, initially delighted to see his friend again, starts getting worried.

“Is there something wrong with Zi… with Jin gongzi?” he asks. “Why are you locking him up this way? Is he dangerous?”

“There is danger in Jinling Tai,” Madam Jin replies, leading them ahead. She knocks on a door, using an odd rhythm. “Until a better solution can be found, this is the only way I can protect my son.”

The door opens, revealing Jin Zixuan, sword in hand. Only, there’s something off about him, something that Nie Huaisang can’t quite put his finger on. Maybe it’s his clothes, which hang a little oddly and aren’t quite the cut and fabric one would expect on an alpha. Or it is the slight fear in his eyes when he opens the door, quickly replaced by defiance when he sees who is there with his mother, as if he expects Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen to say something unpleasant. And then there’s a smell in the air, fear mixed with notes of flowers.

“Oh,” Lan Xichen says, before pinching his lips so he keeps his realisation for himself.

Jin Zixuan glares at him, then at his mother.

“I told you not to do it!” he says.

“What choice do I have?” Madam Jin replies, pushing her way into her son’s room. “This is the only way.”

After some hesitation, Nie Huaisang follows her inside. Lan Xichen does the same with a certain reluctance, and when they all sit, he does so a little closer to Nie Huaisang than is probably proper, but Nie Huaisang is too stunned by the situation to think much of it.

“I have brought you here to make a request,” Madam Jin announces, while her mortified son hides his face in his hands. “I need help in protecting my son, and after long consideration, I have come to the conclusion that the two of you are the best possible choice.”

“Mother, please, don’t!” Jin Zixuan begs, only for his mother to silence him with a gesture.

“At the start of the war, my son presented,” Madam Jin continues, ignoring the interruption. “Sadly for everyone involved, he presented as an omega.”

Nie Huaisang gasps, and stares at Jin Zixuan who looks like he might start crying. It puzzles Nie Huaisang at first, because there’s nothing bad about being an omega… or at least, not when in Qinghe Nie. Other sects have their own opinions on that, of course. He’s heard people here and there say that it is shameful and unnatural that Qinghe Nie’s leader is an omega, even one that looks and acts like an alpha, but that’s just because people are jealous of Nie Mingjue. All those petty, self-satisfied alpha just can’t stand that someone of a gender they think inferior can be so much better than they will ever be.

Of course, there’s also the fact that in most sects, only an alpha can become sect leader. Even Lan Xichen isn’t nearly as respected as he deserves to be after his brave actions during the war, and that’s not just a matter of age. Still, at least he’s a beta, and from a somewhat reasonable sect. Lanling Jin isn’t so open minded. In fact, everyone says that part of the problem between Jin Guangshan and his wife is that she’s also an alpha, when he is of the opinion that same gender couples shouldn’t be allowed to exist. He was forced into that union by his own father, everyone knows it, and only because Madam Jin's parents paid a high dowry to have her married into such a glorious sect.

"As an omega, my son cannot inherit his father's title," Madam Jin confirms. "He also wasn't allowed to take part in the war, since it would have been improper for him to be in mixed company. Alphas cannot be trusted on a battlefield… Or outside of it, as the case might be." She glances at Jin Zixuan, who looks ready to faint from sheer humiliation, then continues. "To be quite blunt, I have come to feel that Jinlin Tai is not a safe place for my son, and now that the war is over, I am seeking a way to protect him from harm."

"You want to marry him off," Lan Xichen says, his voice oddly cold in spite of his polite smile. "And I suppose you already have something in mind?"

"If I could, I would have sent him to Yunmeng Jiang," Madam Jin says. "But he has never gotten along with Jiang Wanyin, and my husband won't allow him to marry another omega as that would be improper, so Jiang Yanli is out of the question. So is Nie Mingjue, for the same reason. My husband doesn't want Zixuan to be sent to a sect too small, as he would find it humiliating. I do not want to send my son to a spouse too much older than him, as I fear for his safety. That leaves me very little choice."

Nie Huaisang frowns. He knows Jin Zixuan is more than capable of gutting even an older cultivator if they try to force him into something he doesn't want. He isn't ranked third on that list of bachelors just for his looks. Being an omega doesn't change how competent Jin Zixuan is, and Nie Huaisang has half a mind to say so.

He doesn't, but only because it suddenly hits him why Lan Xichen and him have been brought here.

"You want one of us to marry him?" he asks, while next to him Lan Xichen stiffens.

"You are the best choices," Madam Jin confirms. "My husband would probably prefer Lan zongzhu, but I personally hope you will consider this, Nie gongzi. After all, my son and you are already friends, so it would make things easier."

"Mother, stop this!" Jin Zixuan hisses between clenched teeth. "This is too… This is unnecessary."

Unsure what to think, Nie Huaisang looks up to Lan Xichen, hoping he will be the one to explain the situation. But Lan Xichen, his face pale and tight, won't look at him, or at the Jin for that matter. It falls to Nie Huaisang to handle this.

"Jin Furen, I am honoured you would think of me, and I am sure Lan zongzhu feels the same," he says. "But the fact is… Well, the truth is…"

"They're in love," Jin Zixuan hisses. "I told you it wouldn't work, mother."

Nie Huaisang looks at his friend in surprise, but Jin Zixuan refuses to look at him. More than ever, he seems ready to cry. Madam Jin, for her part, isn't impressed by this new information.

"Love is nice and well," she says, "but there are other things to consider. Your family would certainly prefer this strong political alliance."

"My brother and his uncle have already given their blessing," Nie Huaisang admits. "It's not a bad match either, politically speaking."

"But you won't have children," Madam Jin points out.

"There is a precedent for this," Lan Xichen coldly says. "Although Gusu Lan favours fidelity to one's spouse, it can be allowed to take a concubine in specific cases, such as the impossibility of having children."

"Then why not take my son as your second spouse? Or as the first one even, and have each other's company on the side? Zixuan will allow it."

Both Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen stare at Madam Jin, shocked that she would say such a thing. Her stance on her husband's affairs is well known, and she is merciless toward adulterous couples. Nie Huaisang wants to ask her why she doesn't ask for her husband's help if she's so desperate to protect her son against threats to his virtue.

He keeps that question to himself, because the answer occurs to him, and he doesn't like it.

It is well known that Jin Guangshan is an alpha of great sexual appetite even in a normal state. It is rumoured, also, that he becomes terrifying when in rut, willing to take any omega or woman who crosses his path, willing or not. People say he might have fathered Jin Zixun with his own cousin, though since the poor omega was recently married, Jin Guangshan never had to recognise the child.

Jinlin Tai is not a good place to raise an omega these days, as Jin Zixuan knows. He told Nie Huaisang as much, back when they were studying in Gusu.

And perhaps there’s more alpha in Nie Huaisang than he realised, because the idea of Jin Zixuan being in such danger, in the place where he should be safest, fills him with a rage like nothing he’s rarely felt before. The only thing that can compare is the burning wrath that overcame him when he first heard that the Cloud Recesses had been burned, that Lan Xichen was missing. If he could, Nie Huaisang would grab Jin Zixuan this instant and fly with him to QInghe, were nobody will care that he’s an omega, where he’ll live free of fear because the rules of Qinghe Nie are very clear on how to deal with a rapist, regardless of sex, gender, and rank. It is tempting to accept Madam Jin’s demand, just to protect her son, except…

Except Lan Xichen is sitting right next to Nie Huaisang, and while his face is showing nothing, the smell of his anger is getting stronger with each passing moment. If the Lan rarely have a second spouse, let alone concubines of any sorts, Lan Xichen once explained, it is because their cultivation method tends to make them more possessive toward their cultivation partner. That’s the reason they are so careful in choosing such a partner, Lan Xichen confided when they started talking about getting married.

At that time, Nie Huaisang had easily promised that he would remain faithful no matter what, happy to finally have the affection of his favourite person in the world, happy to know that his love and patience would be rewarded, confident that there is nobody else in the world he could ever want.

Now though, he isn’t so sure what to do anymore. Marrying Lan Xichen is all he’s wanted for years and years, the culmination of a carefully crafted plan to ensure both of their happiness. But to abandon Jin Zixuan to his fate would be a crime, something against which his very soul rebels.

Between his dearest friend and the love of his life, Nie Huaisang has to choose, and risk losing someone either way.

#nie huaisang #lan xichen #jin zixuan #sangxuan #xisang #mdzs #jau writes #Anonymous

50 notes · View notes

morfinwen · 2 years

Note

4 for Christopher, 5 for Ian, 11 for Ash, 14 for Q, 12 for Connie, 13 for Reagan, 18 for Lauren, 26 for Aidan, 27 for Angela, 33 for Neal, 38 for Amanda, 41 for Nate, and 42 for Niner, please!

Went to work on answering my newest asks, and unintentionally finished these!

4. Has Christopher ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed him? If so, does anyone else know?

If he has, he hasn’t told me about it -- which isn’t surprising, really. Unless it was incredibly public, Chris wouldn’t easily talk about that with anyone.

5. Already answered

11. In what situation was Ash the most afraid he’s ever been?

Once, on a trip home to visit his mom, he remembered halfway through the bus ride that he had two very volatile spell components in his luggage, particularly when they encountered each other, but had not been as thorough as he usually was in packing things securely. It was a very tense two hours until the next stop, where he could take his suitcase (very carefully!) outside and repack.

12. In what situation was Connie the most calm he’s ever been?

There were a few times in his childhood when his family went on camping trips that were just the family. Out in nature, away from strangers and outsiders, where everyone was just doing their own thing so no one poked fun at him for reading instead of running around -- it was glorious.

13. Is Reagan bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

It grosses her out, but not to the point of nausea or vomiting. Depending on the setting, she may have seen enough of it to be immune to it.

14. Does Q remember names or faces easier?

Faces are naturally easier, but he has worked hard to become good at both. Not that he always puts forward the effort, now that he doesn’t have his aunt and uncle breathing down his neck always expecting him to make a good impression.

18. Is Lauren more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

Ambition. Not that she doesn’t think of wisdom as valuable or anything, of course, but there’s no question of which appeals more to her personally. Also, it’s way easier for her to recognize ambition than wisdom.

26. How does Aidan behave around children?

He avoids them when he can. He’s more afraid of blowing up at them than he needs to be -- his temper is noticeably short, but it blows over quickly and he’s not in the habit of yelling at strangers of any age -- but he also doesn’t really know how to act around kids. If he can’t avoid being around them, Aidan’s on what he considers his best behavior, which is him being stiff and awkward and slightly stranger than usual.

27. How does Angela normally deal with confrontation?

Carefully. She probably would always have been careful about dealing with confrontation, but she grew up with a greater awareness of how deep and long-lasting the injuries from conflicts, particularly family conflicts, can be.

Her maternal grandmother grew up in a well-off, well-connected family, and eloped with a man who was neither, much to the dissatisfaction of her parents and siblings. There was some effort at reconciliation, but in the end her grandmother cut her family out of her life, except to ask for money every now and again. Years later, when Angie’s mother Fiona reached out to her extended family for assistance, not fully aware of the bad blood in the past, her own parents and siblings cut her out. So Angie grew up around great-aunts and uncles who had a sister they hadn’t spoken to in years, cousins who had never met their aunt or her children, all the while knowing she had aunts and uncles and cousins who would never be willing to meet with her because of injured pride.

33. In the face of criticism, is Neal defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

To call his reaction ‘self-deprecating’ is putting it mildly. Neal is highly sensitive to criticism of any kind -- he got a lot of it in his childhood, almost none of it constructive, even when it happened to be accurate. He’s learning to be willing to improve without assuming he’s ruined everything beyond repair because someone happened to have something to nitpick.

38. Is Amanda more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove herself from a problem/threat?

She’ll try to remove the problem/threat, if it’s not too big to handle, and she’s a pretty good judge of what she can and can’t handle.

41. Does Nate feel that he deserves to have what he wants, whether it be material or abstract, or does he feel that he must earn it first?

Like most of us, Nate can definitely be a selfish, entitled person, but that’s buried pretty deep. For the most part, he doesn’t feel he needs to earn the things he wants, but he doesn’t feel like he deserves to have them just handed to him, either.

If there’s food in the house he didn’t make or buy that isn’t clearly marked as belonging to someone else, Nate wouldn’t feel like he needs permission to eat it, but he wouldn’t feel like he had the right to demand someone else cook or buy things for him. (Not that he can eat their food anymore, but the analogy still stands).

42. Has Niner ever had a parental figure who was not related to her?

Not really.

Thanks for asking!

#answer #OCs #christopher hardie #ash jackson #connie lowell #reagan travers #q free #lauren winston #aidan michaels #angie mckendrick #neal fairchild #amanda wheeler #nate vasquez #niner

2 notes · View notes

skullsandwineglasses · 3 years

Text

Awu - A coping character

Like a lot of people, my immediate reaction after watching episodes 59-63 was dissatisfaction and frustration. It seemed like Awu was a passive character. I still think she is passive, but that’s not necessarily a flaw or something that we should fault her about. This is going to be a helluva long post, but let me try to explain.

Awu is what you would call a “coping” character. She copes with obstacles thrown at her. She reacts to the machinations that blow up around her. She doesn’t really strive for things, except for probably general happiness. In the trailers, you hear her say in the voiceover, “I just want to be with the one I love”. Awu is a romantic. We saw this when she was young and crushing on Zi Tan and how she begged the emperor to grant her the wish of marrying for love. When she is a married woman, we see her wanting to start a family with Xiao Qi. We see her actively seek out ways to boost her health so that she can bear a child. Her ultimate goal is to find true love and have a family.

In a way, she reminds me of the Mandalorian. There’s a meme that says that even though the Mandalorian is the main character that the audience follows, in the grand scheme of things, the Mandalorian is actually just a side character among a group of main characters. The Mandalorian doesn’t strive for much. He just wants to be a Space Dad (TM) to Baby Yoda and to find a jedi to train his adopted child, and he has absolutely no interest in the politics in the galaxy. But, he’s always unwillingly thrust into politically-charged situations by these “main” characters around him who have their own political missions.

As a princess, Awu is the center of attention. Everyone dotes on her. But she isn’t a key player in the palace politics at all. She has no desire to be apart of it, even though everyone tries to pull her into it: Daddy Wang trying to force her into an military-advantageous marriage, her Empress aunt trying to get her to marry her son the crown prince, and then her Emperor uncle using her to help protect his will. Everyone has their own political agenda that each would have long-lasting consequences to the empire, but all Awu wants is to live happily ever after with the person she loves. This goal of hers never changes throughout the drama, which I admire. Even up to episode 63, she’s asking Xiao Qi to let go of vengeance and leave the capital with her to go live up north like they’ve always dreamed and planned together. While I don’t really agree with her asking XQ to give up vengeance, I completely understand why she asks him.

Among a cast of characters who are constantly planning and scheming, even Xiao Qi now with his drive for justice and vengeance, it almost feels like Awu doesn’t belong, and I think this difference between her and the people around her is why it can seem frustrating to some viewers. We project our emotions onto her and expect her to react as we would. We expect her to act like how we think we would act in that situation. But Awu has always been different from the people around her. I don’t think she’s ever really been in-sync with any character expect maybe for her mom, her maids (Jin’er doesn’t count), and Xiao Qi. So now that her and XQ are slightly out of sync in terms of their attitudes, we’re feeling a little on edge.

I think many would agree that Awu is a smart character, but she doesn’t scheme. And again, that’s because she’s a simple young woman, so we can’t expect her to scheme since she’s never had to. She’s never had to scheme to survive. Even when her whole family schemes, they always think about sparring her because of how much they loved her in the past. People complain about her being the last one to find out about things, but that’s because she doesn’t really involve herself in matters outside the house. She always thinks the best of people and so she never suspects them. She’s saintly to a fault. In a way, Awu is a very idealistic character, but also a resilient one since she’s able to remain true to her original nature even after witnessing the worst of her family. I admit, this was a little hard to buy at first, which was why I was frustrated with her, and her character isn’t everyone’s cup of tea because it’s a really Mary Sue kind of character, but after having cooled down these past few days, I’ve learned to respect her. With all the cunning and ruthless female leads recently, it’s nice to see a female lead who stays true to herself even after facing adversity, instead of becoming hardened and jaded and cynical. I feel like we hate on these kinds of FLs too much, kind of like how everyone hated Bella from Twilight back in 2010. I secretly really liked Bella and related to her when I was a teen, but I boarded on the hate-bandwagon because everyone else hated her.

BUT, I think what’s causing all the backlash is what people expected Awu to become based on how she was set up from the beginning. It almost feels like the writers couldn’t decide if they want her to be brash and rebellious, or loyal and true to the times. So we end up with a confusing combination of both, and different viewers end up having different expectations of what they want her character to be, hence all the disagreements about how to interpret her actions and decisions.

At the beginning, we’re introduced to a sheltered, loved, and carefree young woman of noble blood. Awu is then forced to marry a man she hardly knows, her lover won’t elope with her, and her husband leaves her on her wedding night. This is her first major turning point, and we see an immediate change in her. She matures overnight. She seems to have lost her carefree innocence. She isn’t as bubbly as before.

Because we see this major change in her character so early on in the drama, this is what we expect to continue moving forward for her character, and that she’s going to keep being molded in this way by life-changing events.

She’s then captured by Helan Zhen and has to try to survive, and she does this very well when you consider her sheltered and noble upbringing. In fact, a lot of the things that Awu does in the drama are out of line with her upbringing. She supports the Emperor’s decision to grant XQ, a peasant-born general, the ranking of a prince. She is able to adapt to the rough lifestyle in Ning Shuo. She’s able to whistle like a bandit, much to Xiao Qi’s surprise. And when you think about it, you begin to wonder, where did Awu learn to whistle and ride a horse like that? Who snuck her out of the prime minister’s manor in order to teach her these things? I doubt it was her brother or the princes, considering how useless and misogynistic they are. Her grandmother taught her politics and the arts, which helped her become worldly and cultured, but she didn’t teach Awu what a peasant’s lifestyle is like. So it’s actually a huge surprise that the spoiled daughter of a princess is able to fall in love with a low-born general and feel safe and at ease with him so quickly and easily. We’re briefly told that Awu likes selfless heroes, and so that’s our explanation for why she was able to fall for Xiao Qi. But to me, I think her falling in love with Xiao Qi is another example of how Awu is able to cope with the circumstances.

When Xiao Qi rescues her and takes her back to Ning Shuo, she’s resistant towards him. She seems defeated. Lifeless. We think her time in captivity with Helan has induced another permanent change in her. When Xiao Qi opens the window to let some fresh air in, she calls hims “cu lu” ( 粗鲁), which means rough. It’s something you say when you insult someone for being inelegant, thoughtless, and rude. She scorns the women’s taste of clothing in Ning Shuo, and is surprised when she learns that XQ, along with the rest of the army, only showers once a month because of the lack of hot water.

BUT, what begins to change Awu’s mind so quickly is seeing how righteous and devoted Xiao Qi is. She sees him as a good marriage partner. Her situation could have been a lot worse. After all, after seeing how unhappy her mother, the Empress, and Wanru were in their marriages, Awu expected a similar situation with her own arranged marriage. But instead, she quickly realizes what a lucky hand she’s been dealt, so she accepts XQ and lets herself fall for him. She doesn’t really have a choice anyway, so she embraces it. I especially love the scene during the siege when she tells Zi Tan that she fell in love with Xiao Qi because of his heroism and his selflessness towards the empire, while she now looks down on Zi Tan. If only Xiao Qi were there to hear her confess her love to him so vehemently.

In Ning Shuo, we see Awu begin to soften towards Xiao Qi. She becomes her old carefree self again around him. THIS is something that deviates from most coming-of-age stories that feature a female lead who is irreversibly changed by a traumatic life event. Awu returning to her normal, positive self instead of being jaded foreshadows how her character will behave for the rest of the drama. Yes, Awu doesn’t “grow” like other female characters, but she stays consistent and optimistic, which is a virtue in itself because it reflects her resilience.

When Awu is separated from Xiao Qi and has to protect a city against a siege by her uncle, we see her rise up to the challenge on her own. We see her command an army. We see her stand up to Zi Tan. She shows potential of becoming a “rebel princess”, which again raises our expectations that she’ll become more involved in politics. But at the same time, she’s still a young woman who likes to cuddle with her husband and be doted on by him when he returns. This is the Awu that we’ve known from the beginning. She’s used to be doted on by people who love her. What we have to remember from this siege arc is that while Awu showed great leadership skills, this is not who she wants to be. She CAN be this person, but she doesn’t want to be. The drama subtly reminds us of this when Xiao Qi comes back and she melts into his arms.

This aspect of her character is echoed again in episode 36 when she and Xiao Qi are cuddling in their signature corner of the manor. She says that she doesn’t seem to have to worry about anything when he’s around. XQ teases her about what she would do while he’s gone at war. She tells him that she can face anything on her own when he’s not there, but when he is here, all she wants to do is rely on him.

We tend to forget that Awu likes to be doted on (e.g., remember all those moments throughout the beginning of the drama where she likes to lie in people’s laps. See this post.) This was how she grew up. Loved and spoiled. But Awu CAN be strong. She’s perfectly capable of being strong. That’s why the Emperor trusted her with his will. That’s why Wanru and Zilong trusted her with their child aka the future of the empire. But, she doesn’t want to be this person who has suddenly become the pillar of the empire. She wants to live a simple life. That’s why she sounds so somber when she talks to Nanny Xu about the meaning behind “Mu Yi Tian Xia”, and her duty as the wife of a general and the descendant of royals to unite the commoners with the blue bloods. It’s a tall order, but she’s willing to take on that responsibility for the good of the empire. Again, this shows that Awu is a reactionary character who copes with turmoil that comes at her, but that’s because she’s taking on goals that she didn’t want or ask for in the first place. She has an entirely different set of goals. She dreams of living out another story. But instead, she’s born into this one.

After the siege, Awu’s next major turning points involve her family, and I think this is where it becomes divisive. She finds out about her Emperor Uncle having tried to have her and XQ killed, her cousin trying to steal the throne, her Empress Aunt trying to burn the Emperor’s will, her father trying to stage a coup, her mother killing herself as a result, and her having a miscarriage. In the end, she forgives everyone even after having seen the worst of them. Even after realizing that they’d sacrifice her for power. This is all understandable, even if saintly of her. These are the people who raised her, so I get why she would forgive them. Awu values family (to a fault). It’s not in her nature to abandon family, especially given how close she is to them. They helped shaped who she grew up to be. She lived a happy childhood with them. She’s never known abuse. Heck, even when they betray her, like the Emperor, they apologize to her soon after. Everyone seems to want to appease her. Even the Empress after all she’s done. Can you blame Awu for not having it in her to hate people? As rotten as her family is, they always try to spare her, and they only target her as a reluctant, last resort (even though they all want her husband killed though. It’s weird how they justify loving her, but still think it’s okay to kill her husband).

Awu does make some questionable decisions and judgments though, and I feel like she thinks of Xiao Qi too idealistically and takes him for granted, which can sometimes be unfair to him.

Case 1 is when she goes out of her way to help Qian’er and meets with Helan Zhen in secret and then dances with him. Like what many people have said, they feel angry that she danced with HZ before her own husband. And when Xiao Qi expresses anger and concern over her meeting with HZ, she insults him by saying he lacks a sense of familial duty since she doesn’t have a proper family or clan. This was a low-blow, but I excused it since it was in the heat of the moment.

Case 2 is the aphrodisiac incident. I think this is when Awu realizes that she hasn’t been considerate enough of Xiao Qi. When she learns that Xiao Qi was the victim in the situation, she immediately defended him and cast out Qian’er. However, up until this point, Awu has always taken Qian’er’s side against him. There’s no doubt that Awu loves and appreciates Xiao Qi, but it sometimes feels like she forgets how much he does for her and how tolerant he is of her family. Xiao Qi, an undefeated general and god of war, is nearly assaulted at the hands of his wife’s cousin because his wife has a big heart and let the predator into the house. Awu has always seen Xiao Qi has invincible, but this was the moment when she realizes that he can be broken, and she can be the cause of it.

Case 3 is what everyone’s been talking about recently, which is how she is reacting to Xiao Qi’s rage towards his betrayed fallen soldiers. While I understand that Awu is stuck in the middle, it also feels like she’s prioritizing her family over his feelings. She knows that Xiao Qi is angry, and yet she asks him to leave with her. She has the expectation that he will listen to her. She’s (quietly) making him choose between her and his army, which is unfair, even if she’s doing it for his own good. Do I agree with what she’s doing? Not really. But do I sympathize with her motivations? Yes. It’s taken me a couple of days, but I think I now understand.

Xiao Qi definitely has flaws too (e.g., the contraceptive fiasco). They both keep secrets from each other and try to make decisions for each other. Two sides of the same coin. Ugh, these two frustrate me so much, but I still love them so much.

Overall, people are expecting Awu to be one type of character, but they ignore how the drama’s been characterizing her. We can agree or disagree with her character’s development, but when you break it down, Awu’s character makes sense and is actually quite consistent, which is surprising for a 68-episode drama. Usually characters take a 180-degree turn after being drawn out for so long, but Awu has stayed true, for better or for worse. Do I still get frustrated at her sometimes? Of course. But, I can sympathize with her.

Rant over.

#monarch industry #the rebel princess #上阳赋 #awu #cdrama #this has taken me 2 hours to write #i don't have a life but I have a bunch of assignments waiting for me #rip #cdrama rant #my life hasn't been my own since jan #character analysis #deep dive

25 notes · View notes

iselsis · 4 years

Text

Off the Streets

Summary: Omega Jason Todd needs to get some food and go to ground quickly, before his heat hits. This plan is destroyed by Batman and his habit of impulse adopting children the way some people impulse buy gum at the cash register.

“Get back here, you thief!” the clerk hollered after him.

Jason, not an idiot, did not go back there, or even stop to pick up one of the bags of food he dropped. The clerk wouldn’t go far from the corner store, or he’d have more than just one kid grabbing some packaged food and sprinting, so all Jason needed to outdistance the beta to get away scot free.

His rush of pride was quickly squashed by reality, and the flickers of pain that had started in his stomach and promised a heat, soon. Without a calendar, he’d been forced to guess when most his heats were, and heats for younger kids like him could be inconsistent anyways. The first signs of heat had only just shown themselves, warning him to get food and hide quickly.

Food, down, he thought to himself, rather smugly. The beta hadn’t even been a challenge to outrun. He’d even snagged two water bottles and shoved them in the pocket of his hoodie, which was more foresight than he’d had the last time he’d gone into heat. It had been one of the nice working girls had found him and taken pity on him that had kept him from crawling out of his nest on day three to track down some water.

Jason ducked into an alley that he knew even the bravest of store clerks wasn’t stupid enough to enter a dark alley at night. You might run into strangers.

And speaking of strangers, Jason slammed directly into a wall of concrete. Jason stumbled back, rubbing his sore nose in confusion. There had not been a brick wall there when he’d been casing the joint that afternoon, but apparently one had conjured itself up.

“You have something that doesn’t belong to you,” the brick wall commented in a deep, gravelly voice.

Jason looked up – and kept looking up – until his eyes saw the yellow and black bat symbol, and the pointy black bat ears above them.

Oh, hell no. Jason spun on his heel and made a break for it, but Batman collared him immediately and yanked him back.

“Let me go! Let go!” Jason dropped his hard won food and desperately clawed at the gauntlet holding his hoodie. He’d go hungry if he had to. It would suck hard, but he couldn’t let Batman arrest him and throw him at the GCPD right before he went into heat. He’d be lucky to come out alive.

It was useless, though. Batman was probably three times his size, and wearing armored gloves. It took Jason a minute to accept that, and that he was just wasting energy he’d need to live through the beating he was in for and stop fighting.

Batman waited a few more moments after he’d stopped struggling, like he was waiting to see if Jason was really done.

Once he was satisfied, he gave Jason a small shake and jerk his head at the mess that Jason had dropped. “Pick those up.”

Jason scowled fiercely at him, but knelt slowly, Batman’s hand following his hood, and started feeling around for the food without breaking eye contact. His stomach made a loud growl at the sight of all the pretty food, all packaged up and ready to eat….it had been a couple days since he’d last found more than a few scraps. He hadn’t been able to find a job, or anything easy to steal until the food, and now he had to get away and bunker down for his heat. Without the food, that meant that it would have been at least a week before he got to eat again.

Batman might have mercy if he behaved, though.

“Here,” he grumbled, standing up and holding out the armful of food to Batman. “Now let me go.”

Batman didn’t move to take it, which was damn rude. Instead, he stared down at him for several seconds, his head tilted in a calculating pose. “Why did you take that food?”

“That’s a stupid question,” Jason snapped before he remembered the he needed Batman to like him if he wanted to beat the clock and get back to his cozy little nest of rags and shredded pieces of cardboard. He deflated somewhat and looked to the ground to hide his flushing cheeks. “I’m hungry.”

“And your parents won’t feed you?”

“Does it look like I ha-” Jason started sarcastically, then cut himself off and muttered in a less hostile tone, “No. They’re dead.”

His mom was, at least. She’d wasted away from the drugs until there was so little that even her tricks didn’t want her anymore, until she couldn’t talk or do more than stare vacantly at the ceiling, and until she finally stopped breathing on their couch. It still hurt, thinking about her, even though it had been a whole year. The blanket he’d pulled from her nest and stuffed into his backpack before he ran now smelled of him and of Gotham’s underbelly, instead of the sunshine and honey that she’d smelled like before – before she’d gotten sick. He missed her so much.

His dad was in jail. Probably. Didn’t really matter one way or another, because Jason wasn’t going anywhere near him anyway.

“I see,” Batman said quietly.

Jason dared a quick glance up, then froze. Batman looked…sympathetic. Like he actually understood. It just looked wrong on the Unholy Terror of the Night. He was going to die. He had broken Batman, and the universe, or Batman’s fists, was going to demand vengeance.

“Who takes care of you?” Batman asked him, kneeling down to be closer to Jason’s height, but still keeping a hold on his hoodie.

Jason swallowed hard and tried not to look intimidated. Even down low, the alpha was huge. “I do. Can I go now?”

Batman frowned. “Why aren’t you in foster care?”

Jason fixed him with an incredulous glare. It was a bit more daring that he should have been giving out when he wanted to get on Batman’s good side, but seriously, wasn’t Batman supposed to be some great detective? The foster system was in the hands of the mobs, and even if it wasn’t, and they were in some other city that wasn’t like Gotham, omega pups weren’t safe in foster homes.

“’s not exactly safe for people like me,” Jason muttered. He was normally good about keeping his scent covered, but with his heat approaching, everything was out of whack. There was no way that Batman hadn’t noticed what he was.

Batman nodded and stood up. “Come with me.”

Jason’s eyes widened and he tried to back away, but he couldn’t get far. “Where are you taking me?”

Batman started walking toward the mouth of the alley and gave Jason’s hood a slight tug. “You’re going to return what you stole. I’ll deal with you after that.”

And then he’d give Jason a firm talk on why stealing was bad, and Jason would pretend to be thoroughly repentant and be up and at it again as soon as his heat was done? Batman nodded because he understood that Jason wasn’t safe in foster care, right? So he wouldn’t try to put Jason in there? Or maybe he was just going to beat the hell out of him for stealing, like he did to every other thief he’d met. He’d seen what Batman gave his dad for stealing, and his dad had been an adult alpha with friends. A packless omega pup would be lucky to survive Batman’s wrath. If he did survive, then he was going to be broken, immobile, starving, and in heat a mile from the safety of his nest in the middle of Crime Alley.

Jason’s legs felt like lead as he trailed after Batman. He knew that he needed to hurry, get whatever was coming out of the way so he could get back to his nest, away from any alphas who could smell him, but he didn’t want to fork over the food he had stolen, and he didn’t want to get beaten.

The clerk was scowling when they walked into the store, an expression which quickly changed to shock, and then to smug satisfaction when he realized what was going on. Batman released his hood and gave him a nudge toward the counter. Jason scowled and shuffled up to it.

He tightened his hands around his ill-gotten goods one last time before he opened his hands reluctantly and dumped it all on the counter.

“Here’s your dumb shit,” he grumbled.

The beta growled in smug triumph. “Looks like the little thief met the big bad bat. He beat the shit out of you yet?”

Jason scowled at him and stormed back to Batman, but his heart was pounding wildly in his chest. “There, I gave it back. Can I go now?”

Batman put a hand around Jason’s upper arm and led him out of the store. He said nothing as he pulled Jason in a new direction. Jason focused on deep breaths. Panic might make his heat come quicker, but the clerk’s question rang in his ear: he beat the shit out of you yet? Batman understood why he wouldn’t go to foster care, probably understood that meant the cops too. He still had to be punished, though. Jason shuddered and tried half-heartedly to pull away.

“Please let me go,” Jason begged quietly. “Please, I’ll be good. I won’t steal again, I promise.”

Batman looked down at him, but didn’t loosen his grip. “I’m not going to hurt you. Calm down.”

Jason’s heart sank. The no was bad enough, but expected. Was Batman trying to lull him into a false sense of security? He’d thought that only the Rogues were freaks, but now he realized that the guy dressed as a vigilante bat probably should be in Arkham too. Jason struggled a little harder, but he hadn’t eaten in two days, and even if he had, he was no match for the giant alpha.

“Please, please let em go,” he tried. “I learned my lesson, okay? Please!”

Batman stopped and grabbed Jason’s other arm, forcing Jason to face him. Jason flinched hard, but no blow fell.

“I’m not mad at you. I know that you were just trying to survive,” Batman promised, his voice losing a slight edge on the gravel, but he was still scentless, and his face was covered, and with his body so close to Jason’s, he couldn’t tell if the man was telling the truth. Why would he be telling the truth, though, and where was he taking Jason if he was?

“If you’re not mad, then can’t I go?” Jason whimpered helplessly.

Batman sighed and shook his head. “You aren’t safe on the streets. You need to come with me.”

With that, Batman stood up and tugged Jason suddenly into an alley. Jason had to bite his lip hard to hold back the terrified scream – it would only make Batman angrier, and angry people hurt more. He was going to be beaten, no matter what lies Batman was telling him.

What was this place, Batman’s favorite alley for beating up stupid kids? He’d been pretty purposeful about coming to this place, so there must have been something.

Then he saw it – a glint of light on metal. The shell of a car.

He was an idiot. A damn idiot. Batman wasn’t going to beat him up, Jason was a starving, packless omega pup on the brink of heat who no one would miss.

Batman was going to rape him.

Jason suddenly threw all his energy in trying to break free of Batman’s grip, hoping to take him by surprise, but Batman just picked him up and carried him over to the car despite his protests.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Batman repeated, grunting a little as a well placed elbow jabbed into his ribs. “I’m not angry with you for stealing. You’re about to go into heat, and you need to be off the streets now.”

“No, please, let me go!” Jason begged him, clinging to the cape as Batman opened the door and tried to put Jason inside. “Please, I’m fine on my own, you don’t have to do this, please!”

Batman unclipped his cape when he couldn’t get Jason’s fingers off it, and tossed it in on top of Jason, then closed the door behind him. Jason made a half-hearted attempt at the door handle. It was locked, of course. He wasn’t going to be able to escape his punishment so easily. Tears welled in his eyes, and another, vicious cramp sent them spilling onto his cheeks. He felt the first flicker of heat start in his stomach, and knew that he had maybe an hour before that tiny spark had consumed his whole body. If he was lucky, Batman would be done with him by then, or at the very least, drop him off outside the abandoned building he’d taken shelter in when he was. More likely, Batman would keep him for his entire heat under the guise of protecting him.

The driver’s door opened, he could hear Batman climbing inside, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at the man. His breath hitched and his entire body flinched at another cramp. He buried his face in his knees and groaned.

“Is your heat starting?” Batman asked, his voice losing even more of its gravel. “I can help you with that.”

Jason flinched. Batman’s voice was becoming less and less disguised, and there was no way he was going anywhere once he’d hear the man’s real voice.

What did he tell Batman? When alphas offered to help omegas with their heats, it only ever meant one thing. But that was going to happen anyway, and maybe he could hurry it all up and get it finished so Batman would let him go. Earn some good will by being a compliant little bitch.

Jason nodded miserably.

He didn’t look up, but he could hear Batman opening and rummaging through the center console for something. That protection he kept talking about, probably. The kind that came in foil wrappers.

There was a small rattling noise, painfully familiar, that had Jason looking up in confusion.

Batman was holding a small white bottle and checking the label on it.

“How old are you?” Well, that came out of nowhere.

“Twelve,” he answered without even meaning to. It must have been the randomness of that question shocking him.

Batman grunted. “You’re supposed to take two pills, then.”

Jason watched in stunned silence as Batman uncapped the jar, shook out two white pills, and held them out toward Jason. It was almost in a daze that he reached up and took the pills from Batman’s hand, and the water bottle that he was passed a moment later. That was…not what he’d expected.

Unless Batman was trying to drug him.

“What are these?” Jason asked suspiciously.

“They’re just Tylenol. Would you like to see the bottle?” Batman told him, more patiently than Jason would have expected.

Jason hesitated, not sure if it was a trap, then nodded. Batman calmly handed over the small plastic bottle in his hand, and Jason snatched it and read the ingredients, directions, and warnings three times before he had concluded that yeah, that was…actually probably just a painkiller.

Jason cautiously took the pills with a swig of water and a sideways glance at Batman to watch his reaction, but there was no crow of victory, no smug smirk at Jason for having drugged himself. Just a painkiller, for real, then.

“Buckle up,” Batman instructed, slipping the key into the ignition and bringing the car to a purr.

Panic tightened Jason’s throat, and the scent of it was immediately thick in the car, mixed with a cloyingly sweet omega heat scent. His breaths were fast and shallow, and he found himself clenching his eyes tight shut again.

“Where are we going?” Jason cut a glance to Batman. Scentless, unreadable Batman.

Batman paused, frowning slightly at Jason’s reaction. “I’m taking you to my home.”

Jason couldn’t breathe, and his eyes welled with fresh tears. No wonder Batman was giving him the medicine; he wasn’t being kind to a random orphan he was gonna fuck once and abandon, he was providing for his future mate.

“Can’t we just do it here and get it over with?” Jason pleaded. He’d never be able to escape from Batman’s headquarters, wherever that was, and he was sure by the offering of the medicine that Batman was in for the long haul. If he went with Batman, he was going to die a slave to a hero, probably fairly young.

Batman tilted his head slightly as he fixed Jason with a stare. “Do what here?”

Jason flinched and his cheeks flushed bright red. Batman was going to make him spell it out? His heart hammered, and he turned begging eyes on Batman. “Please, I won’t fight you, but only once. I’ll do just what you want me to do, I won’t struggle at all, but please do it here, and let me go when we’re done. I-” His mother, coming home late at night or not at all, covered in bruises and bitemarks that she hadn’t been before. His mother, not even recognizing him because the drugs her pimp had her on were so strong and kept he more firmly under the beta’s control than shackles ever could. His mother, scared that she might be pregnant with the child of an alpha she didn’t know, only to lose the baby and get even worse than before. “Please, I don’t want to be a whore.”

Batman’s jaw dropped, and he actually, physically recoiled from Jason at the suggestion. “I’m not- I-“

Batman’s grovel was entirely gone, and he couldn’t seem to find the words for how revolting he found whatever it is he was mad about. Was it that Jason had asked him to let him go after a light demonstration of courting? Jason’s eyes stung fiercely.

“I didn’t bring you here to rape you,” Batman said firmly at last, still not in his Batman voice. Jason was definitely never, ever leaving. It wasn’t going to be rape, it was going to be mating while Jason was in heat, and that didn’t even count in courts that weren’t in Gotham.

Jason tucked his face against the window and let the tears fall. There was no one but Batman to see, and Batman had singled him out probably because he could already tell how weak Jason was.

Batman sighed. “What’s your name, son?”

Jason sniffed and muttered thickly, “What’s it matter?”

“I want to know what you like to be called so I can call you that,” Batman told him.

Jason didn’t want to give him his name, but he also realized that he was probably never going to see a single other person ever. He didn’t want to lose the name his mother gave him, or use some sort of fake name for the rest of his life.

“Jason,” he whispered.

Batman sighed again. “Alright, Jason. I’m not going to hurt you. That includes any kind of sexual touching. Adults touching kids that way is very wrong, even when it’s an omega in heat. Not everyone believes the same way, though, so you have to get off the streets before your heat gets any worse. I’m not trying to keep you forever, just until your heat is finished. Then we can figure out where you want to stay. Does that sound good to you?”

It sounded good. It sounded so good. For a moment, hope sprang up, burning with painful, wonderous brilliance, but then it flickered out and died.

“Everyone’s seen what you put Robin in! I’m not an idiot!” Jason snapped at him.

“Robin designed his outfit by himself. I didn’t particularly like the lack of pants either, but the design was sentimental to him and I allowed it. I did not ever touch him sexually, and you’re welcome to ask him about that yourself when you meet him,” Batman said, then started to pull the car out of the alley like the conversation was done. If he was done talking, then it was. Batman held all the power in their relationship.

“I’m meeting Robin, then,” Jason drawled, trying to hide the wobbliness in his voice as they travelled at breakneck speed down the streets. It had never been proven, but a lot of people thought that Robin was an alpha too. “You usually invite friends over for this kind of thing?”

Batman had the nerve to give a long suffering sigh. Asshole. “If Robin comes by the house, then you’ll meet him, but he isn’t going to touch you either. Jason, you’re safe. I promise.”

Safety and promises. Jason snorted bitterly. He’d stopped believing in fairytales a long time ago.

#omega jason todd #alpha beta omega #bruce wayne is a good dad #jason todd #bruce wayne #accidental baby acquisition #Alpha Bruce Wayne #Batman

85 notes · View notes

inkwell1013 · 3 years

Text

Quiet Hands - Persona 5

Pairing: Yusuke & the Phantom Thieves (platonic), Yusuke & Natsuhiko (familial)

Genre: Oneshot, Angst with a bit of fluff, Found family.

Word count: 2.9k

Warnings: In this fic, Yusuke deals with a lot of internalized ableism and ableist remarks from Madarame. There is also some physical abuse, emotional abuse and depiction of a panic attack. The r slur is also used. Please bear these warnings in mind before proceeding.

Summary: Madarame never understood Yusuke. He was quick to punish Yusuke for fidgeting. Yusuke learns that loud hands get him hurt. It is much better to have quiet hands. It is better to hold down all the stuff that makes him different. It is better to be who Madarame wants him to be. The Phantom Thieves seemed to disagree with this.

- - - - -

Yusuke was a creature of unbreakable habit. He enjoyed order and structure, and liked to know when he was expected to do things and how he was expected to do them. The slightest disruption to his routine would send him spiralling, leaving him in a horrible mood for the rest of the day.

Today was one of those days. Madarame had invited a guest over without warning Yusuke beforehand, and that had sent him into a tantrum of epic proportions. He didn’t like strangers and he didn’t like surprises, so this was a particularly detestable event in his eyes.

Madarame dragged him downstairs despite his vehement protests. “I don’t want to,” whined Yusuke, trying to pull his arm out of Madarame’s grip. “Let me go!”

“Oh, grow up Yusuke!” snapped Madarame. “You’re not a little kid anymore, and this whining is completely unacceptable for someone your age. Sometimes you must do things you don’t want to do. That’s life, and complaining isn’t going to change anything. Now, you will behave and act normal in front of this curator, or I will ground you for the rest of the week. Do you understand me?”

Yusuke squirmed in his grip. “But it’s so difficult Daddy. I don’t like new people.”

Madarame scowled. “I am not your father. What do you call me?”

“Sensei,” sniffed Yusuke. “Do I really have to do it Sensei?”

“Yes, the curator is expecting to meet you. I’m not having you embarrass me again,” said Madarame, shoving Yusuke into the living room.

The curator stood to greet them as they came in. He was an aggressively friendly man, who immediately went to shake Madarame’s hand with a wide, toothy smile on his face. “Is this your son?” he asked brightly.

“No, he’s my student. I took him in after his mother’s death,” explained Madarame, pushing Yusuke forward. “Why don’t you say hello Yusuke?”

Yusuke mumbled a hello, doing anything to keep from making eye contact, which was made difficult by the fact that the stranger seemed to be attempted the exact opposite at every opportunity. “I apologise for his behaviour,” said Madarame. “He’s a little shy.”

He punctuated the last word with a sharp glare. Yusuke curled further in on himself.

“I understand,” laughed the curator. “My daughter’s shy too. Anyway, what layout are we thinking for this new exhibit?”

Madarame and the curator launched into a lengthy conversation about the upcoming exhibition, thankfully leaving Yusuke out of it. He didn’t want to talk anyway.

All this stress of meeting a new person was making him feel a bit shaky. Similar to how a kettle filled with boiling water needed a way to release the rising pressure, he had found his own way of release. It varied by situation and circumstance, and today it had manifested as fluttery fingers. The curator hadn’t noticed, still engrossed in the work that Madarame was showing him.

Madarame shoot Yusuke a murderous glare and reached over a hand. He pinned Yusuke’s wrist to the table, forcing his hands to a standstill. The curator happily continued with the conversation, having not noticed at all.

“Quiet hands,” hissed Madarame. “You know the rules.”

Yusuke knew he was in trouble.

Nothing happened until the curator left. Madarame was cruel, but he wasn’t stupid. He never struck Yusuke in public and never in front of others - he had his reputation to worry about after all - but things were different behind closed doors.

As soon as the front door slammed shut, Madarame struck, like a viper leaping from the brush. He yanked Yusuke forward, sharp nails digging into his wrist. Stumbling, Yusuke desperately tried to regain his footing, but was thrown of balance again when Madarame smacked him on the side of the head, sending him lurching to the left. He was lucky enough to grab a hold of the coffee table before he hit the ground.

His ear was ringing with discordant chords of a half-finished song, and his vision was blurred, but he could still make out Madarame’s scowling face.

“Sensei, I—”

“Ten fucking minutes! That was all I asked,” screamed Madarame. “And you couldn’t even do that. What is wrong with you?”

Yusuke stared down at the ground. “I don’t know…” he muttered.

“You don’t know?” Madarame said incredulously. “I’m not having a retard for a student. You need to learn to control yourself. No more of that stupid fidgeting. I’ve let it go on for far too long anyway.”

“But I can’t control it,” said Yusuke.

“You will learn. You are not a wild animal that is completely lacking in self control. I raised you better than that.”

“Sensei, you can’t—”

“I’m doing this for your own good Yusuke. No one is going to take you seriously if you act like that. Now go to your room and think about what you’ve done,” spat Madarame. “Don’t think I’m feeding you after this outburst.”

Things only got worse after that. Madarame stayed true to his word and punished Yusuke for the fidgeting whenever he saw it. That didn’t mean that Yusuke stopped though; he just learned to hide it in front of his mentor. He learned to bottle it all down and release it when he was on his own so he could avoid the punishment.

Even so, the pressure was always building, hissing and screaming to be let out. Sometimes he couldn’t stop it from erupting out of him. Those where the worst days. He would be left shaking and crying, scratching at himself, trying to alleviate that crushing feeling deep down in his soul.

He was only hurting himself – he knew that – but it was the only way to make himself feel better.

Madarame didn’t understand it, just as he had never understood anything about Yusuke. As always, he resorted to violence. He would smack Yusuke on the back of the head every time, repeating the same words.

“Quiet hands.”

Like how a dog can be made to salivate at the sound of a ringing bell, Yusuke was conditioned to associate exhibiting these behaviours in front of others with fear. With pain. Whenever Madarame had guests over, he played the role of the perfect protégé and dutiful student, exactly how Madarame wanted him to, so that he could avoid his ire.

Not once did he question it.

Madarame just wanted what was best for him.

That was the only explanation.

As sad as it was to admit, Yusuke had never had friends before he met the phantom thieves. He had always been too busy with his art and studies and never had enough time to socialise. No one at his school liked him enough to talk to him anyway.

The closest person he had to a friend when he was a child was Natsuhiko, who had been more like a brother to him, but Natsuhiko left when Yusuke was ten years old. Ysuuke didn’t even get to say goodbye. He just found his bed empty one morning and was informed of his departure over breakfast. Yusuke never quite forgave Natsuhiko for leaving him like that.

The Phantom Thieves were a motley crew, but they were the kindest people Yusuke had met in a long time, so he was happy to call them his friends. They were all kindred spirits, people who had been beaten down and abused by the world, and people who wanted change.

He found solace in their friendship. It was comforting to be around people who were so much like him, who had similar pasts and experiences, and who could understand him.

That day he was reminded of how kind the Phantom Thieves were.

Yusuke had started yet another one of his passionate rants – this time about an artist from the Edo period, who was well known for his unique handling of colours and composition – and instead of blowing him off and ignoring him, as he had expected them to, everyone was paying attention to what he had to say.

And he loved it. Art was a second parent to Yusuke (it had certainly done more to raise him than Madarame ever had) and he would happily ramble about it for hours on end. Once he got going, he could rarely force himself to stop.

There was a lull in his ramble, and he realised how rude he was being. “I apologise,” he said. “I let that go on a bit long, didn’t I? I have a bad habit of running my mouth. It won’t happen again.”

“We don’t mind man,” said Ryuji. “Art makes you happy and shit. We get that.”

“It’s like me and computers,” added Futaba, who was crouching on the couch and fiddling with the ends of her hair. “Sometimes you’ve just got to talk about these things.”

“Whatever makes you happy Yusuke,” said Ann.

“We’re your friends,” explained Ren, leaning dangerously far back in his chair. “We only want you to be happy, and if this is what makes you happy, go for it.” Haru and Makoto nodded in agreement.

Yusuke couldn’t stop himself. He felt bubbly and ecstatic. All that energy had to go somewhere and he found his hand flapping, quite without his input or permission. He rocked on his heels, riding that wave of joy.

It didn’t last long however, and a wave of horror came crashing down upon him as soon as he realised what he had done. Everyone was staring at him and he was frozen in place.

It was like he was the painting in Madarame’s palace. That damn thing haunted his dreams. He would never forget it – the reminder that he was nothing than a thing to the man who raised him. The man he thought of as his father. It sneered at him, as he tossed and turned, reminding him that he would never truly be free.

A tiny sliver of his brain knew that Madarame was gone, and couldn’t hurt him anymore. But it was overwhelmed by everything else that was screaming at him that he was in danger. That he needs to run and not look back. But he couldn’t even do that.

They’ll only hate you after this.

He tried to force himself to say something – anything – but couldn’t force out a single sound. He swore that he couldn’t breathe. Everyone’s eyes were on him. His heart was racing, pumping adrenaline through his veins that he wouldn’t even use because he was too terrified to run, let alone move.

“Yusuke is something wrong?” asked Ren, ever the gracious leader. Yusuke wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle it if Ren hit him. He was usually so composed, but Yusuke knew he packed a mean punch. He had seen him use it on shadows before.

Maybe, if he uses it on you, you’ll turn to dust and blow away as well. Then you won’t bother them anymore. They’ll be happy that you’re gone.

“I can’t— I don’t— I need—" he stammered, unable to form the words correctly. Everyone was staring at him. This was so humiliating.

Ren cast a desperate look to Futaba, who nodded and swayed to her feet. She inched toward Yusuke and reached out a hand to touch his shoulder. Yusuke flinched and she pulled away.

“You need to breathe Yusuke,” said Futaba. “I know it’s hard, but you need to breathe. In for four, hold for seven, and out for eight. Come on, do it with me.”

Yusuke took in a single shaky breath. And then another. Soon, his heart stopped palpitating at a million miles an hour, and he finally felt stable.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I don’t know what came over me. I- I don’t know. It simply happened.”

“It’s okay. You were just having a panic attack. Have you never had one before?” asked Futaba.

“No…” said Yusuke. “I can’t believe I lost control like that in front of everyone. This is mortifying.”

“No one’s going to judge you or anything. These things happen,” said Futaba, with a shrug. Everyone else nodded. “Do you know if anything triggered it?” she asked.

Yusuke chewed on his fingernails, a nervous habit that he never managed to kick, despite Madarame’s best efforts. “You’ll think it’s stupid.”

“We won’t. Trust me.”

“I am different to other people,” he admitted. “I always have been. When I was young, I had bad habits that were beginning to cause problems, so Madarame took it upon himself to… fix my issue.”

Futaba frowned. “You don’t mean..?”

“He used to hit me. It was never anything that bad, and never enough to bruise or scar, but it was adequate, and corrected the problem. I believe losing control and exhibiting that behaviour again in front of others was enough to remind me of it. I apologise for worrying you all.” He bowed his head, staring down at the ground.

There was a long, empty silence, which was broken by Ryuji. “Dude. He was abusing you.”

Yusuke blinked. “And that’s… bad?”

“Of course it’s bad!” exclaimed Ann. “He hurt you. It’s no wonder you’re afraid of him.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” asked Ren, staring Yusuke down.

“I didn’t think it was important…”

Futaba walked over to the couch and took her previous crouched position. “So, Inari, are you autistic?” she asked.

Yusuke scowled. “I don’t see how that’s relevant. I was diagnosed as a child, but I grew out of it.”

He was a little surprised when Futaba cringed and Ren shook his head. “You don’t grow out of autism Yusuke,” said Ren, as gently as he could. “It’s a part of who you are.”

“But I’m not autistic anymore! I’m not. Madarame fixed me,” exclaimed Yusuke.

“Man, not to rude or anything,” interjected Ryuji. “But he lowkey traumatised you. He didn’t fix shit.”

“Hitting someone for stimming is like punishing your puppy for wagging it’s tail,” said Makoto. “You’re just doing what your body wants you to do. It’s normal. We all do it.” She gestured between herself, Futaba, and Ren.

Yusuke’s eyes widened. “You mean, you’re all like me?” he whispered.

“Yes,” said Ren “You’re not alone.”

“Thank you,” he mumbled, rubbing at his face with the sleeve of his shirt. Why was he crying? “You’re all too kind.

Ryuji rolled his eyes. “Nah. We’re just not shitty people like that bastard. Sorry if that’s rude or whatever, but it’s true.”

Yusuke couldn’t stop himself from snickering. “That’s absolutely true. He was a grade A asshole”

“Group hug!” announced Haru, launching herself at Yusuke. Soon, Yusuke found himself in the middle of a crushing group hug with every single Phantom Thief except Morgana, who was still peacefully sleeping on the windowsill.

“You’re a bit weird,” said Ryuji. “But you’re our weirdo.”

It was Yusuke’s turn to decide where the group went on their weekly outing, and he chose the planetarium. Natsuhiko had taken him there once, when Yusuke was about ten years old. Looking back, he knew it was because Madarame had come home drunk again and Natsuhiko didn’t want him to see that.

It was funny how many of his good memories were tainted by hindsight.

Even so, the day stood out in his mind. It was a single happy moment in the sea of abject misery that was his childhood. Natsuhiko had spent the entire evening pointing out different constellations and telling Yusuke stories about them.

Even after Natsuhiko left, Yusuke remembered the stories. He would trace the constellations onto his palm and whisper the stories to himself, desperately clinging onto the few things he had left of Natsuhiko. He remembered every single word, exactly how Natsuhiko had told him.

He and his friends found their seats and settled down. The lights flickered on above them, stars appearing in the dark expanse. He remembered Natsuhiko daring him to try and count them. It was impossible; there were just too many. An incomprehensible number.

It was beautiful. He would paint it, but he could never capture its majesty quite right. All the swirls of purple and blue and black, with pinpricks of light shining through, filled the entire domed ceiling. It would never fit on a canvas.

Futaba leaned over and whispered to him, “Do you know any stories about the stars?”

“Are you sure you want to hear?” replied Yusuke. “You know how much I can go on about these things.”

“Of course. We all want to hear!” said Ann. Yusuke looked around to the smiling faces of his friends and couldn’t help but grin himself.

“Okay,” he said, flapping his hands, as he collected all the right words. Flapping was his favourite stim. There was nothing quite like it for that fluttery, excited feeling in his chest. “Can you see those three stars over there that form a line?” he said. “They are a part of a constellation called ‘Take No Fushi’. They represent a bamboo cane, being held by a young girl. The story stays that she and her sister were carrying buckets of water balanced on canes of bamboo, when they were attacked by a fearsome Oni. There was no escape, so they climbed a rope towards the sky. The elder sister became the moon, and the younger sister became the stars that trail after her…”

Everyone was listening to him. No one minded his stimming. He knew, for the first time in years, that it was okay to be himself around those he loved.

#persona 5 fanfiction #persona 5 angst #fluff #angst #yusuke kitagawa #Autistic Yusuke #inkwell writes

17 notes · View notes

avionvadion · 3 years

Text

I’m making progress you guys I swear 😭 Here’s some little snippets.

Inuyasha: Forest Deep: Chapter 24 Preview (WIP)

“I’m not sure.” Shippō stated, furrowing his brows. He pat Kirara on the neck. “Do you smell ‘em anywhere?”

She opened her mouth and let out a tiny roar of what I could only assume was confirmation, because she eventually made her way to the front of the hut and then pushed her way passed the hanging door. I instantly flinched at the sunlight that invaded my eyelids, having been locked up for so long, and I hissed- bringing a hand over my eyes. “Eugh, I hate it…”

Shippō made a face. “You have been inside all week…”

“Oi, kid!” Huh? Oh, that voice… I recognize it. Blinking a few times and squinting as my eyes tried to adjust to the sunlight, I turned to see Kōga wandering over with a wave of his hand. Kirara walked over to meet him halfway and then came to a stop, and I stared in confusion when he leaned over with his hands on his hips, a scowl on his face. “Why didn’t you say Maria was your sister? I could have brought you two together sooner!”

Ah… I mean…

“I… tried… I think?” When was that conversation? We were both on Kirara at that point of time, weren’t we? Oh! “It was when Inuyasha had turned… y-you know…”

Kōga scrunched his nose up. He straightened his back and folded his arms across his chest. “Really? I don’t remember you doing that.”

Yeah, I know. You stopped listening midway through my sentence because we were chasing Kagura. I hung my head to the side and yawned, sleepy.

“That’s fair. So, um…” I looked up at him, a little awkward and a tiny bit grateful. “You’ve been looking after her… all this time?”

“Hm? Yeah.” He nodded, flashing a grin. A couple wolves started to make their way over and I tensed, but did my best not to be too scared. Kirara and Shippō weren’t reacting in fear, so why should I? It’s fine. I’m fine. “According to two of my men, she fed some of the wolves when she first met them. They brought her back to the mountain since she was injured.”

Kōga then scratched the back of his head, thinking about everything that’s happened and appearing a little sheepish.

“We… also thought she might have done something to Kagome at the time because of her strange clothes. We didn’t hurt her, though, so don’t bother getting mad at me.” He scowled. “She’s a proper member of the Wolf Demon Tribe now. She’s even taught my men a thing or two about swords.”

Wait, really? My heart simultaneously warmed and ached at the thought, and I gave a small laugh- breathy and pained and weak. I was so glad. She’s had people looking out for her. Heck, she was even whipping them into shape. Maria truly was a force of her own. “That sounds like her.”

“Yeah. Oh, hey- here comes the others.”

I followed the direction he was staring and saw Maria making her way over with Inuyasha, Sango, Kagome, Miroku, Maria, and… Tōran? I guess they were discussing what the panther demons plans were now that they had been defeated. Or maybe not. I had no idea. The half-demon’s ear twitched and I held up a hand, waving lazily at them with a grin.

“Morning…!”

“You’re so loud.” Inuyasha scowled.

“You say that like it’s new.” I countered. He hmph’d, folding his hands into his sleeves in the way he always does, and then glared when he saw Kōga standing there. “You again.”

“Hey there, mutt.” Kōga greeted, smirking, giving a sarcastic wave. “How’s it going? Wash out those fleas of yours yet?”

“Funny you should ask.” He snarked. “I was just wondering the same thing about you.”

“Okay, kids!” Kagome exclaimed, clapping her hands in front of her and stepping between the boys. Inuyasha and Kōga jumped, startled by her intervention. “Let’s not have this escalate any farther! Irene still isn’t feeling well, and it’s time we all discussed our plans for moving forward. Got it? Good.”

“Hmph.” Inuyasha was not happy at all with this. His face had twisted into a begrudging pout, head turned to the side to avoid looking at her. “He started it.”

“And I’m ending it.” Kagome stated, hands on her hips as she leaned over and glared up at him. “No fighting!”

“Whatever you say, Kagome.” Kōga said, voice taking on a much softer tone than before. He held his chin up, as if priding himself on something. “Unlike him, I actually listen to the woman I’m in love with.”

That lit another fire under Inuyasha, because his amber gaze snapped up with a rage. “You little-!”

“Sit, boy!”

I flinched when the beads around the half-demon’s neck lit up, and he screeched as his face was violently forced to meet the ground. Maria let out a whistle- strangely enough not surprised by what just happened. I guess Kagome used the incantation against Inuyasha sometime while I was asleep. Him and Kōga together was a recipe for disaster, after all, though I didn’t really approve of the beads of subjugation.

Miroku shook his head with a sigh, staff held to his side. “You’d think he’d learn by now.”

Sango raised her brows. “Bold of you to assume he knows how.”

“Agreed.” Shippō stated bluntly. I made a face.

“You’re not… wrong…”

Kagome let out a huff, then turned to me with a bright smile. “So, now that that’s settled! Let’s get down to business.”

Twisted Wonderland: Once Upon A Dream Chapter 35 Preview (WIP)

“Fufu~ you’re most welcome, dear.” Lilia chuckled, sitting up and leaning over, bringing his fingers to my hair and playing with my bangs again. “How are you feeling? I wasn’t expecting to find both you and Silver passed out on the furniture when I returned.”

Frick! Silver! Oh my gods!

Lilia quickly retracted his hand when I hurriedly sat up, the man watching as I looked around in a panic. Locating the sleepy teen within seconds, I caught the jacket as it fell off my lap and stumbled off the sofa, pain momentarily shooting through my wounded knee before I grabbed onto the sofa’s armrest.

“A-Are you okay!?” Aurora-colored eyes met mine and slowly blinked, observing the way I was acting and tilting his head just slightly. “You- earlier- you just…! I-I found you on the ground and you wouldn’t wake up, and-!”

I whirled around to face Lilia, all the worse-case scenarios rushing to mind.

“Poma! You should take him to Poma! The nurse! Nurse Salvador.” Crap. A wave of dizziness washes over me and I pressed a hand to my head, jacket draped over my arm. “He can… help…”

“I’m alright, Lady Eleanora.” Silver spoke quietly, pressing a hand to his chest and bowing his head. “I… apologize for troubling you.”

“What? No, no-“ Gods, my head is spinning. “-that's fine, I’m fine; are you fine!? You were literally collapsed and-“

“I’m afraid that’s normal for Silver.” Lilia quickly informed, floating up off the sofa and plopping on the armrest instead.

Pokémon: Time Lapse: Reluctant Hero Chapter 16 Preview (WIP)

This was such a ridiculous situation. Was Brock done cooking yet? I really want to talk to him. Basil and Belladonna waddled over to Blue, unable to join the group cuddle because of the room Umbreon took up, and the former pōkemon trainer raised a brow in amusement.

He gladly welcomed them over, petting them and gently scratching the side of Belladona’s face. “Compared to you, they’re pretty well behaved. I guess that’s because Brock is helping you train them.”

“Hey, now!” Brock suddenly said, entering the room with two bowls of soup in his hands. A light-hearted grin was on his face. “I’ll have you know she’s an excellent trainer! She beat me first try.”

“I think that says more about you than her.” Blue joked, and yelped when Basil headbutted his leg. “Whoa! Okay. Someone’s a little protective.”

Brock laughed. The boy’s smile only grew when he saw the way I was bombarded with pōkemon, and he calmly walked over- handing a bowl over to me. Umbreon took that as her queue to leave my lap and hop onto the floor, brushing her trainer’s legs.

“Here.” Brock said, watching as I set the bowl down in my lap. “Eat this. We’ll leave once you’ve both finished breakfast, seeing as everyone is in such a good mood.”

“What about Nugget Bridge?” Blue inquired, frowning. He set the bowl on the armrest of the couch, blowing on it before picking up the spoon. “Team Rocket has tons of their goons there.”

“Not anymore.” Brock smirked, placing his hands on his hips with a proud air about him. “I took care of them. I had Basil and Belladonna knock em out and drag ‘em to the police center. After that, I told them about the underground hideout- so they’re pretty much emptying the place out. Team Rocket isn’t going to be camping out in this city any longer.”

Oh.

Taking note of my silence, both boys turned to look at me. Sensing both the negative and conflicted emotions within me, Ansem let out a small mew and Basil and Belladonna moved off of Blue’s lap and closer to Machamp and me.

I lowered my head, eyebrows furrowed as I tried to decipher what it was I was feeling and how I was supposed to react. I was pleased, I guess, to hear that the underground base was being removed and the goons inside and out of it were arrested. I was also bothered by it.

Not because I cared about Team Rocket, but… because Brock took care of it all on his own. He didn’t take me along. He could have gotten severely hurt, captured and beaten the same way Blue had been. I don’t like that. I don’t like him being in danger.

“Hey…” The older, brown-skinned teen in question spoke up softly, stepping forward and kneeling down on the floor to look up and catch my gaze. I blinked, seeing his face in front of mine. Brock was frowning. “Are you mad at me?”

What?

“I know… you like to do things on your own. I also know that you don’t want to put me in harm's way. But…”

Brock reached forward, resting his hands on my arms gently- careful not to disturb any of my wounds or burns. He looked so sad, so heartbroken and concerned, and something inside me ached at seeing that. I wanted him to go back to how he was before- smiling the way he had been when he was cooking.

“I don’t like you getting hurt either.”

I…

“You need to start relying on me more. We’re not helpless or weak. We’re just as strong as you are. We can help you. There’s no reason for you to go tackling so many problems alone, especially if it’s just going to break you in the end. Grunt, I-“

Brock cringed, realizing his mistake the second he saw my flinch.

“I’m sorry. I just… want you to realize we’re here. I went out on my own with Basil and Belladonna because I wanted you to know this. We’re your friends, and we want to help you. But you have to let us.”

“That’s…”

I blinked a few times, feeling a familiar sting in my eyes, and suddenly Machamp’s grip loosened. My pokémon huddled around us, worried. I tried to speak, to get the words out and defend myself, to protest against him doing something like this again, only to find that I couldn’t.

He had made a good point.

#twisted wonderland #twst #eleanora quince #Inuyasha #Irene #Inuyasha fanfic #Pokémon #pokémon let’s go eevee #pokemon oras #fanfiction wip

10 notes · View notes