so in the robin run we see that damian knows what to do to get his siblings to stop fighting. like he hugged jason bc he knew he would freeze up for example. i choose to believe that this means that damian has a psychological profile of his siblings

About Tim’s New Story….

I just really hope they address Tim’s mental health. Like, DC just been ditching really good plot lines in favor of being “woke” or pandering. Just look at all the live action shows.

Now I’m not saying they can’t make Tim queer/bi/gay, but (as someone pointed out to me) Tim’s previous story writer was bi and he still chose to write Tim as straight & in a healthy romantic relationship with Stephanie Brown. I’ve seen several people who identify as queer/bi say that to have Tim go “ ooooh I’ve fooled myself into thinking I was straight, but now I’m freeeee” sends the message that Tim’s previous relationship failed b/c he was with a woman and not because of Tim’s poor mental and emotional health.

To go back to my previous statement; by him not writing Tim as bi tells me that he didn’t want or care for Tim to be bi, but instead saw Tim as, or preferred him to be, straight. The writer had free control to write Tim how ever he wanted and yet he chose to keep Tim straight. And he actually liked & wanted Tim/Steph. Again, I’m not saying Tim can’t be queer/bi, I’m just saying I find the motivations for this possible change very fishy. Almost as if the new writer is trying to get brownie points for pandering to a portion of the fans.

I think this way b/c in every other media where a character is revealed to be LGBTQ they just did it. They didn’t beat around the bush or do any queer coding/baiting. They either announced it, just made the character that way right out the gate, or just dropped the bomb w/out warning (as seen in Netflix’s Voltron, Amazon Prime’s Invincible, and Nickelodeon’s Legend of Korra respectfully).

DC currently has a bad habit changing things to be “woke” and bragging about it or shoving it in our faces. DC is becoming the “pick me girl” of superhero media. If you want to do it, just do it. Again I just get the “look at me, look at me” & “carrot on the stick” vibes from them now. If you truly feel in your heart to do something you would just do it without the need for recognition or to be so dramatic about it.

Now what I much rather see & think it’s a natural progression for Tim:

I personally believe that if Jason, Dick, & Damian can get a story that attempts to give them character development beyond romantic relationships (romance was more of a B-plot to the character driven A-plot anyway) I think they can give it to Tim as well.

I know that the Bat-Family all struggle with some form of mental health problems (most commonly paranoia and PTSD). However, I would like to point out that trauma is was what brought the others into the vigilante lifestyle, while Tim & Barbara became traumatized because of the vigilante lifestyle. Yet, Barbara was shown overcoming her trauma and using it as motivation to get better. Tim is yet to have this moment.

We all know that Tim struggles with depression, self-esteem, and suicidal tendencies. I mean heck, him becoming Red Robin only happens because of Tim’s degrading mental health. I hate to say it, but Tim is very psychologically broken and has been show to get so depressed that he can’t even get out of bed some times. To my knowledge, Tim is the only one in the Bat-Fam that struggles in his head with the idea of not being needed, useful, or forgotten when in reality that is furthest from the truth (Steph, Jason, & Damian also feel like the black sheep periodically, but that is because they have been presented with real evidence that would lead them to logically believe this. I.e being actually forgotten or dismissed for past mistakes despite great efforts to better themselves).

While yes, Dick did Tim dirty by replacing him without having a proper conversation first, the motivation was because he saw Tim as his equal and not Damian. He thought highly of Tim, but Tim couldn’t see that over his offense. Tim is so beat down by life that he see’s everything with negative lenses. Everyone came to check on Tim’s mental health but Tim took it as an insult instead.

And even though now Tim has reached some form of “peace” in his life, that only happens because the people he lost came back (Bruce, Conner, Bart, Cassie, etc). Tim never fully learned to handle grief, to handle his emotions, instead he represses them. Again in the Red Robin run, the main reason he doesn’t believe in any form of God is because he can’t logically justify the pain he has gone through. He is hurting and doesn’t know how to deal with that. In his original Robin run, when he tried talking someone out of committing suicide……the words and comfort he gave….that wasn’t something that was just inside Tim, this is something that was told to Tim. This is followed by him calling Dick to get the same pep-talk he just regurgitated to someone else.

In short: Tim is hurting. Deeply. And having been someone who’s emotional & mental sanity was pushed to the brink and attempted to jump off several times, I think it’s really sad that DC just ignores it. Now as someone who’s gotten the help they needed & now helps other people who struggle with the same issues as myself & Tim, I think that they’re going to say a lot of Tim’s problems come from him not being “aware” of his own sexuality, which is just sad.

In the story in question, Barbara talks about Tim not having a solid identity. People are more than their sexuality. People are capable of making future decisions for themselves without it hindering on their sexuality. If Tim was real, I would brake down his struggle as so:

Tim refuses to go to college and do something more with his life because he cannot see anything beyond his current circumstance. And the only reason why Tim cannot see anything beyond his circumstance is because he has no internal sense of purpose, identity, and acceptance beyond the cape & cowl. And when Tim finally found that in being Robin, Tim held onto it as a lifeline. There’s a reason why everyone says Tim is basically Bruce 2.0: it’s because he is Robin/Red Robin/Drake & Tim is the mask. At a young age, he did not grow up having these things instilled into him due to his parents neglecting him at a very important age in his development. Tim raised himself, and for a lack of better terms; an idiot cannot teach themselves to be smarter, an idiot becomes smarter by learning from the intelligent. A child can’t teach themselves to be an adult, they have to learn from others to grow & better themselves.

Now a parent doesn’t necessarily have to sit down and give a lesson about how to be an individual, but children learn how to live life by watching their parents. A good example of this is the rest of the Bat-Fam; they all grew up with some form of parental figures that taught them how to behave (for better or worse). Of course children have their own personalities, which is why two kids can go through the same type of trauma but come out differently, but it is a battle of nature vs nurture. Steph, Jason, Cass, & Damian grew up in abusive/unstable homes, while Dick, Barbara, & Bruce grew up in loving homes, but their personalities & character dictated how they responded to trauma. They took what life gave them and decided what to leave or take.

Tim had nothing to work with & is basically playing catch-up with the rest of his peers.

In a weird sense, Tim is like Zuko from The Last Airbender: only living to serve their father’s purpose. Anything outside of that they don’t know what to do. They’ve been trained to be something externally without been given a chance to figure out who they are internally.

Again you are not your sexuality, your sexuality does not determine who you are as a person. When a person struggles through life, it is due to the conditions of thier soul. Everything starts internally and shows it’s self externally.

I want to make that very clear because I am truly scared that in DC’s attempt to claim “clout” they are missing the bigger picture. Tim doesn’t have identity problems simply because he “doesn’t know” he likes boys, but because DC never gave him is own identity to begin with. Robin was never his own identity, Red Robin was never his, & Drake was his first attempt to make his own but he quickly gave it up so that he can be Robin once again. What is Tim going to do once Damian gets back? Is Damian going to get his own identity before Tim? Or is Tim just going to go back to one of his old identities?

I would like for Tim to personally move on from being a vigilante and rejoin civilian society for a while. Go to college, do something for himself and only for himself. Give Tim the self-discovery story, let him heal, and grown to be his own person. Besides you can never have a functional romantic relationship if you are not a functional individual. Self love > romantic love.

Imagine (Son of Hades! Percy; Godswapped! Big Three's kids) (7/8) or (12/13)

Blood of Olympus pt. 1 - The Aftermath

Hello! So there I go dividing more stuff - oh well, what did you expect? Before reading, make sure to check the masterpost - there's a lot before this.

Before anything, I want to apologize. A reader brought to my attention that I had not put on trigger warnings - a mistake that I corrected as soon as I could. I apologize if I accidentally triggered anyone. I'm sorry, I won't do that again. Check the masterpost for the warnings before proceeding and tell me if I forgot any. So, anyway. Good reading, enjoy!! :))

They're traveling to Athens. It's slower because the winds don't cooperate - but they have some time. They have to be there by August 30th, so ten days.

It's good, Annabeth thinks. It gives her time. Time to plan, to strategize. To hope a part of her best friend, the only remnant of her teenage years that is not dead or off serving the gods, is not still in the Pit.

She keeps herself occupied - between maps, research, and daily messages from Reyna and Malcolm, Annabeth has not a lot of time to ponder.

But when she does - and she does anyway, because Annabeth is a solver. Is what she does, she solves problems - but she has no idea how to fix her best friend.

Percy - Perseus, really, because this is him in full combat mode - has been awake for exactly a day and a half. Literally.

He doesn't sleep - mostly, he just patrols. It doesn't seem to affect him much. At least he is eating. Oh yes, the eating - he eats like the food is going to be taken from him at any second, and as much as he can.

She can't help but be scared - he has the same scar, at the same place. If Annabeth is a little affected by it, how is he dealing with the remainder of the son of Hermes?

Annabeth knows rationally that she can't blame him for not talking to anyone, for acting differently. But it hurts, that he won't confide in any of them, in her - not about what happened down there.

It's been a day and a half. He was in the Pit for more or less twenty days - and time in the Underworld is different. What if he was stuck there for years in his perspective? What did he see there?

These are questions that, unfortunately, only Perseus could answer. And he is deflecting. Well, at least he looks closer to crashing when they trade places at patrol - Annabeth will wait until he is ready, but she really hopes is soon.

Sometimes, when she is alone, she wishes none of this ever happened. If they were in power, maybe this wouldn't happen - it's not hubris, right? To see that they would be better than the gods?

The daughter of Athena is not alone in worrying. Most of the crew share different levels of concern - mostly prominent in Will, who saw all of Percy's scars and is torn between wanting to know how he got them, and never asking for fear of the answer.

Leo is surprised to notice that he is also very worried about the health aspect. He is not a person that generally focuses on humans - but this is different. He saw prosthetics before - Hephaestus cabin does a lot of them - and this kind of amputation? Very traumatic. People took a lot of time to adapt - Jake amputated his foot eight months ago and he is still having phantom limb pain and disassociating from it.

Okay that Perseus' new leg is a marvel of engineering that Leo's hands are itching to dismantle to see how it works - alas, Daedalus never left the blueprints of his fake body in Annabeth's laptop, he asked - but how did he deal with it in the middle of a wasteland?

Everything came full circle when the boy in question finally crashes - Nico is the first one to wake up with the screams. They aren't shrieks, nor words, just sheer screams of pure horror.

When he is out of his door, sword at hand, all the other cabins are opening too - Jason is the last to come down, being in the deck in patrol.

Perseus' door is cold. There's no other name for it - there's an aura of pure death around it, covering the entire hallway in a dreadful mood. It curls around Nico's spine - he can feel the shiver in his bones.

The one who opens it is Hazel, the one who seems least affected by the cold - it's so easy to forget that she was dead once. Perseus is immobile in the bed, his mouth open in the awful scream.

Before Will can stop him, Nico goes to wake Perseus up. He has no idea how to deal with the situation, but he cannot keep hearing this. Piper tries to hold his arm to stop him, but she is still sleep ridden.

The son of Zeus barely touches the other demigod - his fingers barely skimming Perseus' arm - and he is pinned to the wall, an ax he didn't even seem prepared to slash at him, with a tiger growling behind Perseus.

Nico suddenly feels like his true age. His whole body tires and sags, and he feels the drawn in his bones - it's only a few seconds, but it feels like an eternity. He wants to drop down - to rest and let his slumber carry his soul away.

He closes his eyes - expecting either the slash of the blade or the tiredness to take him away - but neither happens.

"STOP"

It's Piper. It works - more or less. Perseus doesn't immediately drop everything - the light just seems to return to his eyes. They are black still, but the vines of green are back, creeping towards his pupils.

"Oh. Oh shit. Shit shit shit. Nico. I... I... I'm s-sorry... Oh gods I'm so, so, so s-sorry I-... I didn't... I didn't t-think... I-... this, this wasn't s-su-su... supposed to happen! This wasn't supposed t-to c-come with me!"

Perseus worked himself into a frenzy. He is in a corner of his room now, his ax left behind, but the tiger firmly in front of his master. None of the others have noticed Nico's strength leaving him. The son of Zeus half thinks he imagined it.

"No... no. No. No, no, no. No touching. No touching. No. No touching."

Perseus is almost trembling, but he is not crying. Nico realizes that he saw Perseus cry only once - when Luke was spread on the floor of the Olympus, Annabeth's dagger buried to the hilt in his tight. He wonders if the hero ever cried for himself.

The son of Zeus - and most of their friends that took a step forward - put their hands up, take a step back. Perseus seems calmer.

They don't talk about it. Nico suspects something happened - he felt so tired. He felt eighty - his body decaying around him. But nobody mentioned it - and when they left Percy alone, it was like it was just a nightmare.

PTSD, Will called it. Anxiety after days of being hunted through hell - the trauma still fixed on his mind, the idea of being in danger every second of every day. Depending on the outcome of this war, they might all have it by the end of it, if they don't already.

But Nico knows there's more to it. He would pass it up as a figment of his imagination if Perseus touched anyone. But he doesn't - he avoids even looking at people for too long.

He tries to bring up the topic with Annabeth - the gloves, the sweaters back. She thinks that it's comfort, something to tether him into reality.

Nico doesn't believe that - he doesn't think she does either. He had his own struggles with anxiety for years, but he has no time for pushing. After that night, Perseus doesn't scream again - one has to wonder if he is even sleeping at all.

Nico wants to help. For once, correct something that he knows it's his mistake no matter how many times they deny it. It's how he finds himself in the third night hovering in Perseus' door.

This is not really a smart idea - because the other demigod notices and opens it, so tired - there are bags under his eyes, but the ax is held precariously in his hand.

"What is it, Nico?"

The correct answer would be "Sorry, didn't mean to bother you." But Nico's dumbass teenager mind stutters.

"I... I wanted to check on you. Are you okay? I... I just noticed that you seem kinda weird."

Percy is not angry or resentful - he doesn't even slam the door in his face as Nico would probably do. He is just tired, and that's a thousand times worse.

"Why... why do you care?"

"We are friends, aren't we?"

"Yeah, sure. Kind of." The "you never bothered before" goes unsaid.

It stings, but it's not a lie. Their past is turbulent - a lot of misunderstandings and mistakes on Nico's side, a lot of grudges and overreacting on Percy's. Still, they fought in a war together. They're still fighting.

"I care about you" He hopes Percy doesn't see the blatant subtext "Something happened - don't... d-don't shut me out. I did that when Bianca... died. Nothing good came out of that."

Perseus takes a deep breath - he looks exhausted to the bone. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to mention Bianca. One of his hands tremble - Nico sees that no parts of his body touch the mechanical leg, ever.

"Something happened. I fell down into hell." He must see the flinch Nico gives, and breaths out "Sorry. That was harsh. It... it wasn't your fault. It's nobody's fault."

Something in his eyes tells Nico that he does blame someone - not him, but maybe Arachne. Or the gods. Or Annabeth. Or worse, himself.

Well, that couldn't stand.

"I know" He doesn't, but that's not the moment "But you need help. I can help."

Nico makes a move to touch Perseus' arm - it's a bad idea because his whole body flinches away.

"I don't. I don't want your help."

It's uncalled for, and it hurts on Nico's pride - of course, he wouldn't need Nico's help. What did Nico ever do to him? Was his touch so unwelcomed? Well, if he thinks he can do it alone, Nico should leave him to it.

"Sure, suit yourself. I won't bother again."

Perseus sighs again when the sixteen-year-old leaves. He doesn't want to hurt Nico - gods know that he should, dammit his weak spot for cute people that would drive a knife through his back - but they should leave him alone. He is fine. He'll be fine.

Hazel is also worried - mainly for the backlash of the coming back to the natural, living world. For her, it was weeks of adaptation - to air, breathing, the sun. And Perseus was in a worse place even.

Sometimes she wonders if the Tartarus shouldn't have been her weight to carry - if the Underworld shouldn't be her place. Hazel loves the surface - Nico, Leo, and Frank, and warmth - but there's a part of her that will forever be under a sad tree in the Fields of Asphodel.

Perseus is nothing but kind - he saved her. He saved all of them - not only from danger - but from themselves. And she is too chicken to help, after listening to her brother whine about his own experience.

Her only comfort comes when she is able to cuddle with Leo - Leo, her Leo, her soon-to-be Leo. While Frank is older and her crush for him never diminished, her own for Leo only grew.

That's why, when her patrol is ending on the fourth morning and Leo emerges from the belly of the ship, covered in grease and clutching an ash-covered wrench, talking under his breath about a thing or another, she goes khaki wacky and plants one on him.

Leo flays a little - Hazel is from the 40s. She thinks maybe this is being too forward - even if in Nova Roma, this isn't uncommon behavior. Girls are able to kiss boys - it's not being a sharecrop anymore.

The boy takes a deep breath - like he can't believe this small closed mouth smooch is happening and gives her a grin.

"Hi sugar, are you rationed?"

She laughs until her belly hurts, and they smooch again - no tongue, no open mouth. Leo blushes horribly - and it's easy to see under the grease.

When this war ends, it'll be she. And Leo. And Frank. Their lives are too short to spend pining and pondering - she sees her brother every day, and that's not what she wants.

After the war, there will be no wars. There will be no quests and no killing - just peace. Heroes get to have peace - like the original Jason. The gods are not ruining this for Hazel anymore. So she walks Leo to the front of the ship, so they can watch the sunrise together.

In the afternoon of their fourth day, they fight against a mixed group of monsters - and that's the day Piper actively begins to see the changes on Perseus.

She likes him a lot - he is an amazing friend - but he has no mercy. He annihilates two-thirds of the obstacle Gaea sent for them. It's a sight to see - because he is not close to the ground. There are no skeletons, no vines, no metal, no shadow under the sun of the middle of the day.

It's just him, his ax, and a skeleton tiger. Perseus doesn't even do it cleanly - there are blood, ichor, and dust smeared all across the floor and through his clothes. He twirls the blade around, and they don't even see him as he chops up monsters left and right.

Some try to flee - he doesn't let them. Something keeps them in the ship - and Piper would bet is Perseus, for he just keeps slaughtering them. She doesn't feel bad for them - this is war. They would kill the demigods, exactly like he is doing.

Piper is... curious. She wonders if he would rip the gods apart too - if they would bleed as much as some monsters, of if they would just turn into dust. If Perseus needs to cut them in pieces and scatter them on the Pit himself.

She isn't the only one - she sees the reluctant lust in Nico's and Jason's eyes, the sheer possibilities blooming in Annabeth's eyes. She sees fear mix with interest - Piper sees everything.

She doesn't think Perseus is well, or better. He isn't telling them shit for some reason after all. You don't go to hell and get on with life. Piper doesn't trust him to not turn on them - she knows him for about a month and a half now, a third of which he was in hell - but if he is going to destroy someone, is probably Gaea. Or the gods - she isn't bothered either way.

They are all dangerous. Reality-changing, world-ending dangerous. A skilled warrior? That doesn't scare Piper. Not anymore. Not in the middle of a war.

"Huh. Can you teach me?"

Perseus gives her a feral smile. Across his cheek, there's a streak of gold - for a second, Piper wonders if he is not a god himself.

Annabeth wonders if the gods will let them survive after the war. They got too powerful, too much. Sometimes, she looks at their eyes and sees they're more god then men. Their powers accumulate - evolve. Better.

Before, she was a sharp mind. Now Annabeth feels her godly blood spurning her further and further - no longer just mind, but the body. She sees attacks before they come - she is a goddess.

And she likes it. The power coursing through her veins - the ability to control. She then swears to herself they'll be that way - forever.

The following day, they stop by an island - Perseus feels a big gathering of ghosts. It's Odysseus' palace. They go in a group to investigate: Perseus himself, Hazel for her mist, Annabeth and Will. Nico would go - but he hasn't talked to Perseus for two days now, and is mostly sulking.

Annabeth - who is as cunning as Odysseus himself once was - asks Hazel to cloak her as a beggar. She asks around - but all suitors give vague answers. Even her wordplay cannot get a single phrase out of the ghosts.

Until Perseus puts her hands on a ghost - Eurymachus is his name - and the ghost is possessed - it tells them anything. Annabeth is clocking information from it - devouring with an avid look. Her grey eyes gleam in the blueish light of the spirits.

For Will, is almost otherworldly. It's Hades and Athena. It's more - it's Perseus Jackson and Annabeth Chase, controlling and pushing something they never did before.

They trade looks, and their glowing hands stay entwined long after the ghost tells them that Apollo no longer controls Delphi and that Nike is lost - running free.

Victory, Perseus thinks, Victory. A goddess so vain, that she thought the tides of war depend only on her - not on Tyche, or Bia, Enyo, and Ares. So many gods of war - so many superiors - and she thought herself capable of defying them - and the demigods. For a charioteer, Nike is quite a proud little goddess, isn't she?

So they have their next goal - finding the elusive arrogant dickhead - and following travel to Athens. With Victory on their side or not.

With the glowing phantom, their disguise is blown. Perseus himself was never proficient with ghosts - but he is very proficient with his Ax, and that cut spirits very well.

They fight - but Perseus is just so tired. He just wants them all to go away. With his powers fully restored, even if the earth doesn't obey him anymore, increasingly possessed by Gaea, the shadows should.

He is fond of his shadows - they are a comforting presence, so different from the corrupted ones of Tartarus. He revels in them - Perseus is their master. As he is master of the green ghostly fire, that seems to burn the spirits away.

He hopes sincerely that they don't even get the pleasure of the Fields of Punishment. He hopes they disappear forever in the void - Perseus has no time for petty enemies anymore in this long war which has absolutely nothing to do with them.

Will is hurt in the side - a gladius - but doesn't stay like that. As they climb back to the ship, his wound closes under the fiery light of the morning sun across his fingers - magic that was supposed to help only others, and never himself.

His father disappears, and Will is getting more power. He is not the only one - Perseus fear they'll become too much like their parents, that their powers will amplify their faults and take their humanity away - but is he even human anymore?

He looks at his "leg". It's not him - he is a cyborg. There's a dead piece of metal in him. Perseus could feel the vitality around him - their sheer youth, blazing like a light to burn all the empires. He could take it all for himself. He could kill them all, grind them to dust - they wouldn't even have time to fight him.

Perseus could take it all for himself - become immortal, a parasite latching unto others - how does that make him human? How is he any better than a flea?

They decide on a group to go to Olympia after lunch - Percy, Leo, Hazel, Nico. Four is a good number - a solid number, made of people who are non-competitive. The ones who loathe themselves - isn't this fun? Maybe they'll debate who is the worst.

They divide when they get to the island - Leo and Hazel go one way, the Nico and Percy go the other - Leo is the one to engineer it, but Percy wholeheartedly approves - it's tiring to coexist with a passive-aggressive Nico. He is done with this situation.

While the couple walks, Nico and Percy stand in awkward silence, side by side. Eventually, Percy sighs - he doesn't want to cave, but they have bigger problems to work on, and he kinda misses Nico's sarcasm.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For being harsh with you."

"No, you aren't."

"I am!"

"Will you let me help you? Will you let anyone help you?"

"I don't need help. I'm better."

"Then let me touch your hand."

"Go on."

"With no gloves."

"What? Why? No!"

"See? You aren't better!"

"We're in the middle of a war. I was in Tartarus a week ago."

"Promise me then. Promise me that after the war, you'll get help."

"Nico..."

"Promise me Percy. And don't... don't break this one."

It's the lowest of low blows, but Percy's acquiesces. They start talking - stiltedly. Percy still doesn't touch him. Then Nico sprouts something he'll later regret (or maybe not): Calypso is again locked up.

Nico sees now - before, when Perseus was mad, the earth trembled. With no earth to answer to him, the shadows curled around his ankles and his covered fingertips - rounding behind his ear and on the curve of his smirk.

The son of Zeus is not a fearful person - but that doesn't make him afraid. It makes him remember why he is so infatuated with Perseus - he is not only a hero - he is more. He is a rebel and a challenge - Perseus only follows his own rules. It's a bravery Nico lacks, and one that attracts him like a moth to a fire.

Perseus just asks him to repeat, and then hums when he does, stuttering over his stupid blush. It's mercy that the demigod is not looking in his direction.

"Fret not, Nico. Let Calypso enjoy her vacation. The beaches are really pretty this time of the year."

It's scary - there's no one in Percy's voice. It's like the demigod is on the brick of a really bad meltdown - but they both know they don't have time for it now. So Perseus breathes in - once, twice.

Calypso will be free, and he is not even using his winning wish for it - he already used one once. She did nothing wrong, they are the oathbreakers. Perseus should know better than to trust any oath in a river that they never put a finger on.

So he lies back on the rock. If they survive - when, because he didn't go to hell to die because of Tartarus' less impressive sister - she'll be free. And well prized for this stunt.

Leo and Hazel get back accompanied by Tempest, who, again, appears always following some big revelation - maybe the venti also serves Hazel's new mistress.

The group heads towards the ruins which are roughly twenty kilometers wide. They decide to walk through them, looking for something to pop up - the earth doesn't answer to Perseus, but that doesn't mean that he can't feel the power on it. Eventually, they head toward the Temple of Zeus where an old Nike statue used to stand.

Leo provokes the goddess to come forth by hurling insults at the Nike brand - it's his specialty, sassing up gods. Perseus is more of a shade kind of guy if he can say so himself.

The goddess' Roman and Greek side, Nike and Victoria, are at war with each other trying to decide which side will be victorious. It's ridiculous.

The goddess challenges the four to a fight to the death, with the Romans and Greeks against each other. But there are no Romans and Greeks here. Nico and Perseus lived on both sides - and even if Hazel is Roman-inclined and Leo didn't have time to meet Nova Roma, it doesn't change anything. They wouldn't fight each other.

The time to fight is long gone - they should be rallying against Gaea. But Nike is too proud to admit to a tie - to both sides of herself to have peace.

She demands them to fight in an arena and gives them four minutes to be present. To make sure that they get there she sends four metal statues after them. But instead of fighting each other, they will fight the goddess.

Nike can try and influence their minds - but in the end, with her so weak, battling against herself, it's no match for four strong-willed demigods. Perseus is so tired of gods with petty struggles in the middle of something so much bigger.

The goddess-es fight for him and Nico - what side should they be. They trade verbal blows - Senatus, Praetor, Titan War are all used as arguments.

Funny isn't it? She wasn't on his side a month ago. Perseus fell - into the depths of the abysm - and while he won - again, and again, and again - it wasn't truly a divine victory.

It was not her victory. The merit is his, only his. She didn't sweep down in her great golden wings to save him, did her? Nor will she help with a war to save herself and her family. So why should she exist at all? Why should Perseus abstain from draining her and...

Perseus clenches his fists - he can't, he won't kill Victory. That's not him. He is not a murderer. That's just the remnants of the Pit in his good-for-nothing mind.

She is horrible - but if she dies, she'll end up in Tartarus. And not even her colossal hubris deserves that.

So, they subdue her - her powers aren't enough to stop the four of them, not when Percy alone and twelve defeated her superior - Ares himself. And, when defeated, Nike concedes her blessing for the upcoming war - they just won Victory.

It's a good omen - but she does advise them that one of them shall die - and that they would need the Physician's Cure.

When they go back to the board, Annabeth and Will start researching - both of them know the name, but can't link it to anything else. They find it in the Infirmary Archives - some that Will brought for light reading. It's not very hopeful, since none of them are brewers, but Hazel is a magic user and Will is a healer - they can do this.

Daedalus laptop holds the answers to the formula: Pylosian Mint, Makhai, and the Curse of Delos. They would also need Asclepius himself - but seeing that he was condemned to Tartarus and probably still there, it's more probable they'll do this themselves.

Frank, Jason, and Annabeth go to the port of Pylos looking for the poison - obvious options for the small mission nearby water.

They walk for a while. Annabeth notices a weird tension between Frank and Jason - Frank is giving Jason pointed looks, while Jason gives Frank worried ones - that has been that way for a few days now.

She couldn't possibly know that was about not only Jason's obvious crush on Perseus - which Frank is pushing the blonde to act on - but about Frank's own feelings.

Yesterday morning, while Frank was coming to take his shift on the patrol, he saw Hazel and Leo kissing. And the worst part is that he is not only sad but longing.

He is not jealous. He wants that - he wants all. Is too much and he doesn't deserve it - Frank feels so small, compared to the demigods he is traveling with. And with such... disgusting desires. The son of Mars only feels guilty - he has to erase this from his mind.

Eventually, Annabeth helps Frank to force an old soldier ghost to give them answers - she tells them they need to go to Nestor's Cave and gives them the directions.

Frank goes in and talks to a man who hands him a bottle. The son of Mars explains that his cousins, other descendants of Pluto, have been living there for generations.

They dinner together - Jason is not very welcomed. Most people there still remember the last war - and aren't all that fond of the progeny of Poseidon and Zeus - but as they are close to the sea, at least they're civil.

Some of them recount fondly about their own days at Nova Roma - they are all clear-sighted mortals, even if the godly blood is too diluted in their veins, but these are the ones that have it closer - great-grandkids of minor gods attracted to the old blood.

There's even a daughter of a minor river deity - and a pair of twins that are direct descendants of Juventa, in her travels to visit Hercules. It's an overall paradise, in the middle of a war.

Annabeth misses her dad. And Thalia. And Luke. She misses having a family - she wonders if this war will turn her unrecognizable - or else if it already did. If they are too godly for the mortal world - if they shouldn't take their rightful place.

As a parting gift, the cousins gave Frank the small vile of poison - it's the Pylosian Mint, the first piece to their puzzle. Before leaving, they tell the trio about a chained god, in Sparta.

They go back to the ship - in the mess hall, Frank muses that the chained god might be Ares because the Spartans believed that if they chained him up the spirit of war would never leave them.

Hazel disagrees - she thinks it might be Aphrodite Areia - Sparta was the first place where the goddess was worshiped, and if the Romans have aspects, wouldn't the greeks too? It's quickly shot down - Dyonisus said they were reborn - their aspects changing with their cult, if they weren't worshipped at the same time.

Perseus thinks he heard once that Aphrodite Ourania, Aphrodite Areia, and Aphrodite Pandemos were worshipped at the same time - but doesn't mention it. It doesn't seem important - he might be wrong.

Piper herself argues that it might be one of their sons - Anteros, Himeros, Phobos, Deimos, Harmonia, Pothos, or Eros - for which Jason, Nico, and Frank flinch - they wouldn't want to meet the divine couple's offspring again.

Other possibilities are the Erotes - which seems to make Piper happy, for one of them is Hermaphroditus theyself - or one of Ares or Aphrodite other children - too many to list here.

Anyway, they set course to Sparta - for the happiness of Annabeth and the general tiredness of the group. It is like an RPG play - Nico muses - they have a ton of mini-quests. It's tiring, and it's boring - flicking like bees after something or other for a bigger purpose that never seems to come.

They go to sleep, and Piper has a vision: it's her, Annabeth, and Hazel, running through the ruins of a temple - the temple of Phobos, her half brother. There's blood on the blonde's forehead - and Piper looks like she did before.

She doesn't want to go there. It's fear - she understands it - but that's one fear she is not keen on facing. Her old short hair, the boy clothes, the adam's apple, the stubble.

But they need this - someone might die. Someone will need this. So damn her half-brother. Her mother promised her, that when this ends she'll be herself like she always wanted.

So she goes and tells the group - no one is really happy to send them to somewhere they might get hurt - especially because the last time Annabeth went on a mission on the Underground, shit happened - but the daughter of Athena starts to list all of their mistakes and they have no real say in what the girls do, so off they go, into Sparta.

The six boys stay behind - but no one is slacking. Will ropes Frank into helping to research for anything they might have on the Physician's Cure; Leo finally convinces Perseus to have a look at his leg - even if just to see how much time before Perseus has to go to the Phlegethon to get more fuel; and Nico and Jason are stuck in patrol together.

Which is no good - they haven't really talked since the Cupid episode, and the last few days, the worry about Perseus and the small missions clouded everyone's personal turmoils. But now that the son of Hades is somehow adapting, they have time.

And time is a dangerous thing. Before the two weren't alone in the ship - there was always one on the mission, one otherwise occupied. Leo - and probably Frank and Piper - have been running interference.

Jason had no courage to approach Perseus, as Nico did. Nico knows that - it's in the way that Perseus treats Jason, just like he does Frank - pretending that the Pit never happened.

It's impossible to do this with Leo, who looks at his leg and his medical history and see far more than the others. Or Annabeth, Will, and Hazel, who he is closer to. Or Piper, who just seems to know everything. And Nico, who confronted him face to face.

Jason, however, only knows him one-sided - Perseus doesn't know him. They are friends, and before all this happened, they seemed to spend more and more time together. But they aren't close - the camaraderie didn't have enough time to develop into the trust.

That's why is so weird - he knows what the blonde is going through - the wish to be closer, to be able to at least help in any indirect way, but unable to gleam more about the situation. The information didn't come so easy in real life as it does in dreams.

They don't talk anymore, him and Jason. They just sit in silence or walk around their rounds in opposite directions. Eventually, the son of the sea god can't help it.

"How is he?"

Nico has the urge to answer "Wouldn't you like to know?", but that's petty and unnecessary. Jason isn't a bad person. It's just too easy to love Perseus sometimes.

"Better, I think. After the war, he'll be."

It's more for their sake than the truth. They try to talk again, stilted and trivial. Nico feels awkward - he misses their natural friendship. It won't stop because of a mutual crush - but they need to work for it.

So he settles for this trying. It's bad, and it's mostly both of them skirting around topics, their upbringings making it difficult - both have the emotional development of teaspoons. But they're trying, and it's okay.

Meanwhile, the girls are descending the Temple of Phobos, which is under a blazing hill. Hazel goes in front - manipulating the mist to stop the fire and looking for traps - and Piper and Annabeth follow the hike, talking quietly to fulfill the silence.

"What are you hoping to do, after this?"

"I don't know. Spend time with my dad. Fight for trans rights. Learn how to use more weapons. You?"

"I want to reshape the world - to build something. Maybe a city for the greeks. Maybe go into politics - Nova Roma looked directly out of my dreams."

"I do like politics - I'm more on the activist side, though."

"I was all for the Nobel Woman Initiative last year - there were two of my half-sisters there. You know, I did think it would be cool for schools to take this more seriously - I did my freshman year the same school as Percy, and like, barely any girls at the honor roll - even though most PA classes were brimming with them."

"I'm guessing traditional boarding school - I went to a lot of those, y'know. I was finishing my sophomore year before this mess, taking three AP classes. Stretched out like hell."

"I was taking five - because crazy over-achievers Perseus and Rachel took four, and I couldn't decide on the options. I was overworking for a while, but I did manage better than them - I think Rachel was high every time we visited her on the St. Claire's Academy, but maybe it was just the sheer amount of coffee and Redbull."

They keep on talking. It's the first time Annabeth talks to the daughter of Aphrodite and doesn't think she is an airhead. Piper is a conversationalist - exactly the type of friend she lacks, someone that can keep up with her streams of random thoughts.

Maybe they could have a girl's night with Rachel when they go back to camp. Maybe invite Hazel, and even Reyna too - Annabeth has never had one of those, stereotypical girly things. But maybe it could be cool.

It serves as a good distraction - the longer they stay on the temple, the worse it gets. Annabeth feels crawling in her skin and a sucking - a sucking that she remembers coming from the Pit, taking her in like if she was trash.

Hazel feels cold - her skin flickers. Some moments, she can't touch anymore. It's like being dead again - the rustle of the leaves in the trees of the Asphodel Fields ring in her ears as she walks through the marble halls.

For Piper, it's her nightmare vision all over again. It's like she never came out, never took the estrogen. There are mirrors everywhere she looks - there's no escaping the image that she hates the most - Piper, the boy.

It's not that "Piper, the boy" is ugly. He is just not her - that's not her body, that's not her face, that's not her. Her gender dysphoria is rising high in the back of her mind.

They keep going into the temple anyway - it's not easy to find the "chained god". They find instead Mimas - the giant supposed to kill Hephaestus, and, apparently, Ares - now that his stupid brother Damasen is dead.

Annabeth can't connect the dots yet, but the way the giant talks about Damasen helping an enemy - in the end, it all ties up to Perseus. What doesn't, these days? She is just so frustrated about the lack of information - and her new powers of extracting stuff won't work on a giant, she's pretty sure.

The titan is the opposite of Hephaestus - where the man is silent and intelligent, he is brute force and loud voices. He remembers them of Ares - Hazel even notices that he shares features with Mars Ultor.

To fight a god meant to fight intelligence, they must be emotional - Aphrodite would be excellent for this quest. But Hazel herself takes the lead - her magic is not mind-based - while Piper follows her routine of never being where is expected of her.

But none of the three are in their best shape - fear, the mental manipulation, drains more of them than the actual physical effort. Hazel is able to drive her broadsword across the god's shoulder - but the backlash of him shaking her off throws her towards the wall.

Annabeth - the strongest of the two remainings, physically at least - hoist the younger girl over her shoulders and starts to run. Around here, there's a faint grey-ish light - her mother's blessing shining through her skin.

He nearly strikes the vulnerable Annabeth with her extra weight, managing to hit her in the thigh. Piper, however, is quicker - love always is - and stabs him in the calf.

"You think that would hurt me? Silly little thing, just like your mother - I fought against two gods in the last war - you are nothing, little gallus puella!"

Piper doesn't get Latin, but she knows enough to think that's a trans-related insult. This is not her first rodeo - not even in her old boy's body - but it stills fill her with rage she cannot name.

"You should be more worried about how the makhai will castrate you, instead of caring about what's inside my shorts!"

The giant laughs - but there are doubts in his voice. The makhai hasn't been seen in centuries - but it all connects. It's not Ares or his children - it's the spirits of war that the Spartans thought to be pieces of Ares himself.

Piper takes advantage of his distraction and charges at him with her blade, causing the giant to stumble backward into a wall and destabilize the temple.

"You're worst than that godling that was manipulating my weak, useless brothers - that one lost a leg. I wonder how many limbs I can chop off you before offering you to Mother Gaea."

That is enough to incite Annabeth's rage. She puts Hazel carefully on the floor and attacks He barely managed to deflect her attack, and as he reaches out to grab the prone girl in the ground, Piper slices off Mimas' arm and hair off.

While Piper is keeping Mimas occupied, Annabeth released the makhai from the statue of Ares. The makhai follow the girls - they couldn't forget the smell of Aphrodite Areia and Pallas Athena, not even in a thousand years. They swarm Mimas, and as he staggers off-balance, both of them deliver the final blow by stabbing the giant in his gut.

Mimas topples face-first into the nearest doorway and disintegrated into ash when the stone face of Phobos falls onto him.

The god appears only to deliver the final blow, but doesn't help at all. He just laughs at their predicament and leaves them to find their way off this maze of terrors.

It trembles over them. Hazel is still unconscious - there's a trickle of blood running through the side of her face. Something is slowing down Annabeth - she shivers every time they take a step. So it comes to Piper to try and guide them through the falling building.

She is still a boy - and she hates it - but maybe it's just an illusion, and when they get out of here, she'll get her two-year estrogen body back.

Piper guides them out, with the makhai in tow. It doesn't feel like a victory - not when, even though she crossed the border of the hill, she keeps her boy's body.

Climbing back on the ship, she hides herself in her room. She - he, because that's a he body, and a he person, and she is not a he but when she looks in the mirror, he looks back.

Piper works herself into a panic attack alone in her room - and it's actually Annabeth that comes to check on her.

"Tell me five things you can see, Piper"

Annabeth's golden tresses. A blue sweater that is probably Percy's and got mixed in the laundry. One of Leo's screws that are everywhere he goes. A crown of flowers Katie Bell did for her. Malcolm's favorite book sitting at her nightstand.

"Good. Four things you can touch."

A calloused hand beneath hers. The soft jeans Annabeth is using. The cold hardwood floors. The wall against her back.

"You're doing amazing. Now three things you can hear."

The ship's engine rumbling beneath them. Annabeth's voice. Nico's brooding rock music coming from his room.

"Almost done. Two things you can smell."

Annabeth's lavender cologne mixed with the grime and sweat of their taxing day. The salty smell of the ocean.

"One thing you can taste."

Her mouth on Annabeth's. It's Piper who starts it - she is just so overwhelmed by Annabeth's everything, still worked up about the anxiety attack she just had, and they are so close.

The daughter of Athena is surprised and pushes back - she sits side by side with Piper, holding her wrist so she can't flee.

"Piper, I... I didn't mean to pass the... wrong... signs. I don't like girls. And boy body or not, you're still a girl."

It's the best and the worst let down of Piper's life. She nods - she is the daughter of Aphrodite. She should've known better. Annabeth is in love with Perseus - for years now.

"We can still be friends, right?"

Piper nods - Annabeth thinks it's ironic. It's the same interaction she had with Perseus - and she knows that, deep down, being friends is not enough, how much this rejection is just as bad as any other.

But she wants to keep Piper in her life. Is unfair - but there's something guiltily pleasurable about having someone that likes you, to know that you're not undesirable.

It's selfish, but Annabeth never claimed to be altruistic.

Up in the deck, Frank and Jason are receiving news of Reyna. She says she and Malcolm were attacked by Lycaon and his pack - and that Malcolm had a vision about Orion, the giant meant to oppose the twin gods, heading towards the Hunters and the Amazons.

With Apollo and Artemis missing, it comes to them to help. Jason thinks they could try and help if they cross paths, but that they should inform them by IM and go on their way - they have little time to dawdle, even if they're using Malcolm's mother transport company to carry the giant statue.

They are able to rest for the remainder of the day - it's more or less eighteen hours before Reyna sends the next message - they met the hunters and the Amazon in the Lisbon's Harbor and fought Orion, but no god came to give him the final blow.

So Reyna and Hylla had to run - the statue was already shipped off to America, and nymphs were helping them to get to the Long Island Bay within the next two days. Malcolm wasn't so lucky.

Orion smashed Malcolm against a boulder, breaking his arm and a leg. As they fled, Malcolm told them to leave him behind - he would stall the giant for a little while.

With most Amazons and Hunters out of commission or dead, they had no other choice. The last thing Reyna saw was Orion raising Malcolm above his head, and the sickening crunch of it breaking against the sea rocks.

Will is the one on patrol - and the one who has to relay the news to Annabeth. He doesn't want to wake her, but it's her right to know - so he goes and wakes Perseus too, to help deliver the blow.

"Annie, I... We... We have bad news."

Annabeth screams - that was her big brother, almost her father. He taught her how to hold a shield and how to swim - he was her only family left on Camp.

It's unfair. That shouldn't be his battles anymore - he is twenty! She screams and she throws a statue of her mother - and that damned coin - into the wall. Then Annabeth sobs on Perseus' shirt.

"It's her fault Percy, all her fault if she didn't send us in this goose chase if she didn't choose Malcolm..."

Will solves to tell the others in the morning - it's late, and most of them had little to no sleep. He goes back on deck, but there's a storm brewing in the ocean - and it's not a natural one. It's some kind of deity - and that's not a good moment.

He goes to Perseus - he is still awake, asleep Annabeth with tear tracks in her cheeks and scrapped knuckles in his arms, and tells him about the situation - Will is not that good of a fighter.

"I'll deal with it. Stay with her. I'll be back shortly."

Will should be alarmed - with Perseus more recent behavior, the way he always hated the gods' trivial troubles, should he really be sending him upstairs, with an ax, a tiger, and a mad expression into his eyes? Maybe not, but he won't stop it. The deity chooses their own fate - even Will is done with their willful moods, compromising a much more important journey in their own name.

Let whoever it is burn - The son of Apollo covers the sleeping girl's ears softly. She doesn't need this kind of stress now.

The storm stops, but the screams in the deck don't - they are like music to his ears.

RULES : TAG FOLLOWERS YOU WANT TO KNOW BETTER !

TAGGED BY: @ofbenediction​ TAGGING: @giaawritess​ @darlingswrites​ @trcnscendant​ @skittlcsyo​ @sunsct​ @goldcnblood​ @onlysunshiine​ @fieryrebirth​ @refcrmist​ @pxachscone​ @scavages​ @sugarsoftie​ @justal1ttlestarl1ght​ @villanelleswrites​ @rosychvrms​ @fircytragcdy​ @nightinqale​ idk man all y’all should do it

NAME: gray ( fun fact: my real name starts with a c & it’s super lame fyi ! ) STAR SIGN: virgo, in case i haven’t made that obvious enough lmao ! HEIGHT: 5′8″ !

PUT YOUR SPOTIFY ON SHUFFLE. WHAT ARE THE FIRST 6 SONGS THAT POPPED UP?

american teen by khalid !

make you remember by lazy weekends feat. your friends !

shout out to my ex by little mix !

high hopes by p!atd !

burn the house down by ajr !

i mean it by g-eazy !

EVER HAD A POEM OR SONG WRITTEN ABOUT YOU?  yes, my best friend and platonic soulmate wrote a song about me called ‘ green eyes ’ and it was beautiful ! she never sang it for me but the lyrics were * muah * magic ! WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED AIR GUITAR?  i’m gonna guess and say like last weekend ? i got a lil drunk so i’m sure i broke out all my terrible moves ! WHO IS YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH? i go through phases with so many celebs tbh currently it’s jason momoa ! WHAT’S A SOUND YOU HATE; SOUND YOU LOVE? hate ? my bf burping in my ear when i hug him, that lil bitch ! love ? my dogs whining excitedly when they hear me pull up in the driveway ! DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS?  hell fuckin yeah ! i don’t fuck around ! HOW ABOUT ALIENS?  yes ! y’all really tryna say we’re the only beings in this universe ? pls DO YOU DRIVE? yes. i hate it ! IF SO, HAVE YOU EVER CRASHED?  yes, i had a terrible wreck at 16, gave me ptsd behind the wheel, aaaaand so i didn’t get my license until i was 20 y/o ! WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ?  tattooist of auschwitz by heather morris ! DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF GASOLINE? yes, i do actually ! WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW?  i think.. it was aquaman, actually ? it’s been a while, folks ! WHAT’S THE WORST INJURY YOU’VE EVER HAD?  uh ? i don’t know tbh i haven’t injured myself much ! * immediately knocks on wood * DO YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS RIGHT NOW? i remain obsessed with dick grayson and always will tbh ! DO YOU TEND TO HOLD GRUDGES AGAINST PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE YOU WRONG? yes, though i will say i let things ( and people ) go pretty easily after enduring so much IN A RELATIONSHIP? yes, and i lov my boyfriend with my whole soul !

Survey #177

“i get pretty just to fuck my face up.”

What’s your favorite flavor of ice pop? Strawberry or watermelon. Do you like animal print? What’s your favorite print? Not particularly, but I suppose jaguar. What do you think of foot tattoos? Surprisingly, not a big fan. It's gotta be cute, well-placed, and small. Did your senior class in high school have a class trip? Where did you go? Maybe? I don't remember. What do you normally order at Dunkin Donuts? Chocolate frosted. What do you drink with dinner? It varies. Can be soda, water, milk... Peanuts or sunflower seeds? I don't like either. What is your favorite grocery store to shop at, and how often do you shop for groceries? Sam's Club totally has the best deals, but I don't make the shopping calls here. Who is your favorite character from the last movie you watched? Uhhh the super paranoid lady whose actress is a legend. Where did you have your first kiss? What about your last kiss? His bed; airport. What is the last thing you spoke to your father about? Phone bill. Who do you feel you have the most in common with? Sara. Who in your life causes you the most stress or negative feelings? Myself. Have you ever apologized to someone, but didn’t mean it? I'm sure at some point. What is the one thing that you can’t resist? Reese's, I sometimes cannooooot tell myself no to a Mtn. Dew Voltage, wanting to pet an animal even if it's dangerous, and uhhh I'm sure there's more. Have you ever done another person's homework for money? No. If you could play any piece of music on an instrument, what would it be? Teach me the ending piece from WKM on the piano so I could ruin myself further than just listening to it already does. Have you ever treated someone like they were nothing? I don't believe so. If you could ask 5 questions and get an exact answer, what would you ask? Oh yikes, deep one. Um... 1.) what is the cure for cancer, 2.) cure for Alzheimer's/dementia, 3.) cure for HIV/AIDS, 4.) how can/is it even possible to obtain world peace, and 5.) will I be stable in the future are what come to mind first. Does it frighten you when animals get into fights? I GET VERY SCARED FOR THE ANIMALS. When you were little did you touch just about everything in the store? YUP YUP YUP. Do you ever leave your drinks out in the open at a party? N/A, but I absolutely would not. Ever suffered from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? Yes. Who is someone you’ll always hate? No one I personally know. How many people do you trust 100 percent? Just one. I would include Mom, but I know she lies about Dad. Do you think you could survive a month of solitary confinement? NO, I really think I'd lose it and kill myself. Do you often start books, yet never finish them? I don't read, but I'd do that if I didn't like it. When was the last time you felt abandoned by someone? Idr. Does the sight of blood gross you out? No. Have you ever gone through a red light? No. Do you fail to stop for stop signs, sometimes? No. What is your favorite eye color in the opposite sex? Blue. When you are sad, do you cheer yourself up, or look to others? It depends, but I usually begin with the former. During which year of your life were you the most unhappy? 2016 can been damned by God themselves. Have you ever seen a bluejay in person? Yes. Have you ever eaten grass/leaves? Probably as a kid. Do you typically like green-colored candies? Yeah! Apple flavor is the bomb.com. Who is the most energetic and happy person you know of? Ryder, my nephew. Who makes you smile the most often? Sara Jane. :') How do you express your happiness? I'm louder, more talkative, goofier. When was the last time you did a good deed? Uhhh idk. It's a tiny thing, but I suppose you could count me getting my old man bub with arthritis up on the bed when he wanted up. What songs make you happy? Lots... Do you like to sing? Sometimes, but I'm not good at it. Where is somewhere that holds fond memories for you? Ummm the little pond behind the community college where we took our first prom photos. That whole day was just extremely magical, and passing it is a severe PTSD trigger so if for whatever reason we're driving past there, Mom goes around it. I did pass it a few months back when I was taking pictures of flowers around the college and I was okay, probably because I didn't even glance at it. What do you think of the gothic stereotype? # A E S T H E T I C Have you ever encountered a black widow? Yup. What scares you, more than anything else? Ending up alone/losing all those I love. Has an animal ever peed on you? Lol yeah...  Pet rodents have multiple times when getting them accustomed to being held, a puppy probably has, and Venus (my snake) did once after I held her for like an hour, aha. Couldn't be mad at that angel, she was obviously so comfy. What would make a cool substitute color for the sun? Pink. Is purple a good color for a car? Sure. Do you prefer green or purple/red grapes? Purple; crisper. What is something you like that is sour? Warheads. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some hot wings at BWW with one of the hottest sauces. When was the last time you had a real deep chat? Idk, I'm sure something with Sara. Who did you last see on webcam? I've no idea. Have you ever discovered something gross in your food at McDonalds? No. What’s your favorite flavor of Ramen? I only like the spicy chicken Yakisoba ones. Have you ever spent the night in jail? No. Name a really popular television show you never got into: Ha, a lot. Game of Thrones, for one, but I'd be willing to give it a second chance via more episodes and a different attitude and actually kinda want to. Sara, add that to our list. Do you listen to any unsigned bands/singers? Who? No, I don't believe so. I need to start listening to my old friend's band, though, because I really want to support them; they work so hard and are very serious about taking their band somewhere. Nova Mortis if you're interested and like heavy metal. What do you find really interesting? THE PARANORMAL, for one. Genetics, psychology, fossils, abandoned buildings and shacks, natural selection and evolution, outer space, differences in languages and cultures, and so much more. Who is your favorite video game character? Spyro! What kind of pictures do you post on Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat most frequently? I like never post pictures, but selfies on FB, then I have two photography Instagrams. Do you remember the first person you felt sexually attracted to? Seriously, Jason. Have you ever been on vacation with a significant other? No. Is there anything on your bucket list that you’re hoping to cross off soon? A lot of things, but. Probably won't be soon as many include travel. Of all of your friends’ significant others, who do you get along with best? And least? Sam's wife Kieley is an absolute doll; least, idk. What would your life be like if you had married your first love? HAHAHAHAHA I REEEEEAAAAALLY DON'T WANT TO PICTURE THAT KNOWING NOW HE DIDN'T/DOESN'T BELIEVE IN ME AND CAN'T COMMUNICATE FOR SHIT. What is the most difficult or time-consuming thing you’ve ever cooked? Would you make it again? N/A Have you ever had a platonic friend that everyone insisted you should be in a relationship with? Girt, hardcore. Eventually did, but we know how that went. Is there anything about a person’s sexual past that might stop you from wanting to date them? Yup: if they've assaulted someone, prostitution is involved, casual flings/one-night stands have happened, being/have been a porn star, cheated before. If someone asked your closest friends/family members what career path might suit you best, what do you think they would say? Like, everyone will answer that question with "vet." Have you ever considered “unplugging”/taking a significant period of time away from technology? lol nope I doubt I'd last a day with no technology. Do you use a photo editor? Lightroom, Photoshop, sometimes PhotoScape. Is your dad overweight? Quite the opposite. Ever been honked at? Yeah. Which do you prefer, doctor or dentist? Dentist; I'm never nervous for them. Name two things you put whipped cream on? I haaaate whipped cream. Texture thing. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? Two meerkats grooming, done on a huge thing of burlap. What’s your favorite type of sushi? Never tried, never will. Have you ever had an ulcer? No. What’s the name of the most recent baby a friend has had? Scarlett. Have you ever taken medication to help you fall asleep faster? Yup. I had a long insomnia streak where I physically couldn't sleep without Melatonin. What is your current favorite song? I'm hooked on "The Bottom is a Rock" by Mother Mother rn. If you had to move to another country, where would you move? Canada. Do you have a balcony? No. Are you jealous of anyone, even mildly? If so, who? Yeah, my sisters, as well as some real successful friends. Have you ever done a craft you saw in a magazine? No. Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? No. Who is a singer that has given you chills? Celine Dion, Loreena McKennitt, Sebastian Bach, David Draiman, and Amy Lee off the top of my head. What act would you perform in a talent show? I wouldn't, I got nothin'. What area are you the most gifted in, do you think? Um... writing, I guess? Which style of wedding dress is your favorite? BALLGOWN BITCH Do you enjoy editing videos? Ye! Do you enjoy editing photos? Yup. Who do you think is the most attractive actor? I see u Jason Momoa. Have you ever been caught doing something REAL embarrassing by your parents? I don't believe so. Do you believe in reincarnation? No. Do you have any of your neighbors as friends on Facebook? No. When was the last time you thought about sex, or sexual things? Ummm within the past few days probably, at least briefly? Are there any flowers planted outside your house? We have a tall bush that sprouts big, pink flowers, if that counts. Does anyone in your family smoke? Dad. What was the very first election you voted in? I haven't yet. Do you have a drone? No. Are you the type that’s too ashamed to ask for or use directions? No, rather too shy. Were you tired when you woke up this morning? YEAH. I slept like shit and had to get up early for a VR assessment. You overhear two people gossiping about you; what do you do? I feel like I'd say something sarcastic to them. Or be more mature about it and ask why. Or cry. Are you proud of who you are? Eh, only in certain areas... Is your vision good? I can barely read the line below the big "E." So no lmao. Are you a legal adult? Yeah but idk how. Has anyone ever called you a flirt? No. What was the last compliment your received? The assessment lady at VR loved my hair. Do you know any sign language? No. Who was the last person to give you a gift? Sara, on our anniversary. Do you trust the media? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA BITCH NO. If you could kill off one species of animal, which would it be? Can gnats like????? not???????? Idk if they have a single useful function????????? What kind of cookies are your favorite? Chocolate chip. Who’d you last say I love you to? My mom. What’s the most overpaid job in your opinion? I'm not educated on this enough to give you an informed answer. What’s the last thing you wrote down? Working out a math problem during the assessment. When’s the last time you didn’t sleep in your own bed? Over a month ago. When’s the last time you heard a gunshot? Idk. Who’d you get mad at last? Myself. What’s the last thing that annoyed you? Bentley wouldn't listen. When’s the last time you gave someone advice? I think yesterday? Do you think you’re lucky, unlucky, or neither? Neither. Who did you last disappoint? Myself. Do you enjoy learning? Of course!!!! I mean there're subjects I have no interest in and don't enjoy, but learning as a whole is great. People say you learn something new every day, so what did you learn today? Well it was nothing big, but that I could return Miku before she got hurt since Mitsu didn't appreciate a new "buddy." Yes or no: eyebrow piercings? They can look super badass or awful depending on your face and eyebrow thickness imo. When I say The Beatles, what is the first song that comes to mind? "Yellow Submarine" even tho I hate that song???? In your opinion, what is the very worst type of weather? Hot and humid, especially with no breeze. Just no. You can only listen to 1 band for the rest of your life, who do you pick? DON'T MAKE ME. What is something that you had to learn the hard way? DON'T. THINK. A RELATIONSHIP. IS WITHOUT A SINGLE CHANCE. OF. SOMEONE. LEAVING. EVEN. IN THE MOST "SECURE" ONES. When was the last time you felt like your heart was actually breaking? Ahhhh I'm not sure. Either something with Mom or Sara. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Mom. If your ex called you right now, would you answer? I don't have his number, so I wouldn't answer. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Sara. Do you want your tongue pierced? It is. 10/10 recommend for cute factor, but 0/10 for the healing process and pain asjfawiwo. Mine's through the very tip of my tongue and because that area is so sensitive, it was so painful that I became immediately nauseous. Pain didn't entirely vanish for almost two weeks. BUT I have zero regrets, so worth it. Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? Yeah. What’s one thing in your life that you wish you could change? Financial position. Have you ever been in a perfect relationship? Ha, don't ever believe those exist. Do you still talk to the person who broke your heart the most? Nope. Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? Ummm I don't believe so. Well, I don't know if I'd take back going all the way or whatever the fuck that was, maybe I would. idk Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you? No. Can you drive, and if you can, do you like it? I'm capable, but I don't enjoy it at all. Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? Yeah, being in a shit mood and/or being impulsive with my words. Do you like french fries? Who the FUCK sayin no to this. Have you ever ate so much you puked? No. Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? To some degree/in certain aspects. Would you rather eat cookies or brownies? Probs brownies. Have you ever played a drinking game? Which ones? No. Are you good with managing your finances? I don't. Not in that position yet. What is the closest pizza place to your house? Domino's. Do you have any silly nicknames or pet names? Hmmmm no. Are you any good at drawing? Some things. Is there anything unusual about your house? No. Can you maintain a text conversation or do you run out of things to say? I think I'm good at keeping *text* convos going, surprisingly. Do you find it hard to talk to strangers, even people who work in stores? YEAH!!!!!!! Have you ever tasted goat’s milk? No. Did you ever take classes for a musical instrument when you were younger? Yup. Band member all through middle school, stopped after my junior year of HS. Do you snore when you sleep? No, but I talk a loooot. Who is the first person who broke your heart? Dad. Do you know anyone who has fought in a war? Jason's dad was in the Navy. What religion are you? Theist, which basically just entails me believing there's a god/goddess/some sorta beginning deity, but hell if I know anything about them. I make my own guesses. Who is the last person you gave a ride to, and where did you take them? I don't have a license or my own car. What is the last thing you untruthfully denied? Hm. I'm not sure. Have you ever ridden on a real train? No. Name ONE good memory about your last ex? He's absolutely hilarious and I miss hanging out more! Would you consider yourself dishonest? Not gonna bullshit and claim I never am, but in general, no. Do you tend to let people break through your walls easily? HAHA YEAH RIGHT. What are you superstitious about? Nothing. What is the coolest thing you can do? Oh boy, hell if I know. I know from experience people are often surprised how even skittish animals/pets seem to be drawn to me; does that count? Is there anyone you want to hook up with that you haven’t? Not my thing.

If you don’t mind me bothering you, how are you able to keep steam for such long stories? And you plan out the continuity so well, I’ve been a fan of you work since I stumbled across IWGA and decided to read all of your work. Do you have any tips or advice to give an inspiring writer Who wants to make her series as well written as yours?

Thank you very much, Anon, and no worries - I don’t mind :)

The funny thing is that I didn’t really mean for my stories to be a series, at first. August 16th was written in one sitting out of a desperate need to scream out my feelings about Arkham Bruce and Jason. When I started writing Red, I thought “hey, wouldn’t it be fun if I hinted at this and that thing from my other story?” ... And before I knew what was happening, I suddenly had a series with  its own continuity. Oops. Remaining text below the cut, because this is going to be a long one...

Now, over the last year and a half, I’ve learned that there are four important things when it comes to writing a (long) series:

1. Content matter: The best sequels/prequels/AUs tend to be those that offer a decent amount of familiarity, while bringing in something fresh with each story. Red and IWGA, for example, have the same story at its core: Jason going through a crap ton of trauma and h/c, only to emerge stronger and healthier than he was before. The difference is in how he gets there. In Red, he is all on his own, badly traumatized, psychotic, and single-mindedly focused on one thing (first survival, then killing Bruce). In IWGA, he has his brothers and sister (and later Alfred), he is still traumatized, but he has started to heal, he is no longer psychotic, but still suffering from anxiety and PTSD, and he now has to deal with multiple issues (overcoming his own injuries and demons, protecting his siblings, protecting Gotham, dealing with Bruce and Joker returning) all at the same time.The general rule, of course, is to write whatever you want to write and how you want to write it, but if you want to maintain a steady reader base, learn what your readers like/dislike and be prepared to adjust/or not (and live with the consequences). I’m known to most of my readers as the crazy girl who writes very detailed, no-sweet-talking stuff about trauma and the recovery from it. That’s the underlying thread of all of my stories and if it wasn’t there anymore, it would no longer fit into my Compendium, thematically, and people would rightfully so wonder what was going on.

2. Content creation:Again, write what you want, how you want, when you want, until you want. If your heart is no longer in your writing, it usually comes across very quickly (it’s the writing equivalent of a fake smile). As one of my old German teachers used to say about our final exames in grade 12 (long essays): “You write until you have said everything you wanted to say. No more. No less.”That means two things: 1) If you don’t feel like writing, don’t write. Don’t force it. You’re only going to block yourself even more and your writing will sound awkward. Take a break. Pursue some other hobby. Come back later. We’ve all been there. 2) If you feel like writing, write! It doesn’t matter if it’s been done 5,000 times before. It doesn’t matter if it’s a different fandom. It doesn’t matter if it’s some really specific kink that’s gonna make most people go “eek!” - If you feel like writing, write. Unless you’re getting into sleep deprivation land (my second home by now). In that case, do yourself a favor: make some notes. Write a few sentences. Stop. You are doing no-one any favors by ruining yourself.

3. Content editing and management:This is the part I hate with a passion, but it is important. It includes three things: editing, continuity/consistency checks, and planning.For the editing, pick your poison. You are free to upload your works unedited, if you so wish, but be prepared to be called out on typos and the like and to have people backspace if it gets too much. You are also free to get a beta reader. Be very kind to that person. They are doing you a great favor. Last but not least, the method I employ: write, take a break, proofread, then be ready to stealth edit when you find issues you missed later. And you will miss things. Guaranteed. Learn to accept that as a matter of fact and move on quickly.For the continuity and consistency checks, I recommend keeping a timeline. How detailed this has to be depends on the scenario. For Red, my timeline was written in weeks and months, because I covered a large stretch of time. For a chapter about your main character slowly suffocating inside a casket, you’re gonna need more detail. When in doubt if something is important enough to go on the timeline, just throw it in. It will make avoiding plot holes much easier later. I will openly admit that I was pretty sloppy with this part so far. I’m gonna have to go back through the entire Compendium when IWGA is done to harmonize this shit. Thankfully, my readers keep pointing out to me whenever things don’t add up, so I’m already patching a few plot holes as I go along.And of course: planning. Know your expectations. I try to write about trauma as realistically as possible. That means that if a character breaks a leg in chapter 1 and each chapter is a new week, they are not going back on active vigilante duty until at least chapter 7. Plan ahead. If you need Joker to launch a city-wide scheme to kill everyone’s first-born, make sure you don’t drop all the exposition into one place. He has to get out of Arkham first. He’ll need a list of names, a lot of henchmen, a few good distractions, and probably an ace up his sleeve. It sounds like a lot to deal with, but just think of the endless opportunities for tying these events to your other characters!

4. Reader base management:The most important part here is to be realistic in your expectations. Know your limits and communicate them to your readers (via tumblr, or end of chapter notes, comments, etc...). If you know that you’ll be busy with exams for the next month, communicate that clearly. You are not a “professional” (read: paid) writer, which means everyone but the jerks will understand that you likely can’t keep up a strict schedule, but it’s very impolite to just leave someone hanging off a cliff with no warning/answer for weeks or months. Be honest. Be kind. Thank your readers for their comments. Thank them for their questions.Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to bend over backwards. Know what you “non-negotiables” are. For example, when I polled people to ask about who should be the next batkid in IWGA, some Stephanie fans wanted her so that I could hook her up with Tim. No. Not gonna happen. Tim/Babs is a beautiful, unique ship that works in Arkham canon because of the specifics of Arkham canon, and I will not sacrifice it for a storyline that was done twice over in comics (and not always too well at that). No, there will be no instant-fix h/c in my stories. No, I will not write rape as drama (which is not the same as rape as backstory, btw, although people like to mix those two up). Know your non-negotiables and stand by them. You will likely alienate, potentially even drive off, a few people. But that is fine because:

At the end of the day, you should write for yourself. Write the stories you want to write, for as long as you want, and however you want. Writing should be joy, not a chore, and which one of the two it is for you will always shine through.Good luck and happy writing :)

Support (Jason todd x Reader)

A/N: Really liked this request. Kinda made it into my own though. (Not sure to write more for this, I might? Depends on the feedback I guess.)

Jason felt uneasy when he took one of the seats in the circle. They had put fluffy red pillows on the seats, some softness to make up for their fucked up experiences. Wonderful how naïve people could be… as if that’d help. He took a look at the other people, they seemed about as happy to be there as him. Probably persuaded or blackmailed into seeking help as well. He hadn’t even needed such desperate measures: anything to stop Dick’s constant nagging. “ You have to give yourself the chance to heal.” (He felt like he healed up well enough, ya know, for a dead guy his skin looked fantastic.), “ You will be able to meet people who share your experience .” (Zombie friends. Exactly what he needed.)  And last but not least: Damian’s addition that he didn’t even need hubris to bring him down just a crowbar. Eventually he grew tired of it and decided to go. He was barely there in time, but he was there. After him, a woman barged in, a lot less nonchalant than he had. Backpack in hand, and  saying ‘sorry’ to the person who seemed to be the guiding speaker/psychologist. The woman had a certain kind of guilt in her eyes as she was saying it, too. The psychologist immediately said it was no problem with a warm smile, as the other latecomer took the free seat across his. 

You were still out of breath. Traffic was terrible as is but it got so much worse as you were trying to keep a busy schedule to forget about all the other shit that went wrong. You weren’t sure if it was a good idea, whether it would even remotely help you to actually throw it all out on the table. But… you could use talking to someone about this who wouldn’t look at you with pity while they were uncomfortably shifting in their chair. Everyone here had their fair share of emotional scars to get them to this place. You scanned the room while a woman started to talk. “ Each of you is here because you are battling the aftermath of dark period in your lives. Someone has abused you, and you are here with people who have experienced abuse as well. Speaking is part of the healing process. Knowing you are not to blame for what happened to you is the aim. I will give each of you the chance to talk about what happened. You choose how much you feel comfortable sharing. Please be respectful towards one another and allow the others to talk, and tell their story, they…” the rest of the explanation was lost on you entirely. You felt eyes on you, and noticed the man across the room. Jet black hair with a white streak, icy blue eyes and quite frankly possibly the most handsome man you had seen in a very long time. But from all places to develop a crush on a total stranger, this was probably not the best one.

You focused on your surroundings again when people were starting to share their names. Only one name stuck. His. “ Hi, I’m Jason. I’ve been told I may be suffering from PTSD after being kidnapped and tortured.” After him another person spoke and also shared their name and in one sentence why they chose to be here. The man smiled at you and you weren’t sure how to respond with that so you looked anywhere but at him. “ My name is y/n. I was ..” You swallowed, not entirely having such an easy time to say what happened with all those eyes on you. You naturally started to look at him again. He gave you an encouraging small nod and  somehow you managed to continue. “ I was physically and emotionally abused by my ex.” Something seemed to flare up in his eyes at those words. Not the usual pity. Not the usual shifting eyes trying to find the nearest exit. Anger. Not directed at you but at someone who wasn’t there. You wondered if it was the man who kidnapped him or your ex. As he only got that look in his eyes after your story you could only guess the second... but why would he get that angry over that? He didn’t even know you... you shook the thought and listened to the other stories. Some people had come here before, but they seemed there to show the beginners that recovery was possible. After everyone had been spoken to, she asked who wanted to share their story with the group. Everyone seemed less than interested to go first.   “ ‘C mon, nobody will judge you here, we’re all here to listen and to talk.” Her glance landed on you. “Could you perhaps...?” Your felt your heartbeat in your throat and tried to swallow. This was too soon. All those eyes on you… when you opened your mouth the handsome stranger, Jason, spoke up instead. “ Sure, I’ll go first.” Everyone in the room knew damn well she had been talking to you. But you were grateful he took her cue instead so you didn’t have to. He was still speaking to you rather than to the group. “I was kidnapped as a teenager. A typical Gotham psycho got to me and tortured me. They… got to me in time, obviously, I’m still alive.” He seemed to disbelieve those words and said them mockingly. “.. but I’ve been beaten with a crowbar and he played psychological tricks on me, I don’t want to get into detail. He tortured me in most ways I could imagine and then some, except for sexually that is. It pisses me off that he’s still alive. As long as he lives he’s a danger to people. They didn’t put enough effort into stopping him. In the meanwhile…  I have to deal with the fallout. The flashbacks, the nightmares. So essentially I got fucked over by the people I trusted, because they did not protect me as they promised me they would, and then there’s the fact I was beaten to a pulp. So yeah, that’s my sob story. Well, half of it. There’s also my deadbeat dad and my the fact that my mother didn’t make it beyond my teenage years but that’s a story for another day kids.“ His voice was laced with a mocking, devil may care attitude, but you could tell it was the truth. You were the one staring now, your gaze locked on his. He really had been through hell and back. The woman nodded and thanked him for his open-heartedness and willingness to speak first. After him, the others were more willing to also speak up. He mouthed ‘You’re welcome’ to you as you gave him a grateful small smile. You felt lucky that they ran out of time before it was your turn. Each person who did not get the chance to speak would get their chance the next session. With that promise, you considered not attending that next time anymore. You put your own jacket back on, as well as your backpack and headed towards the door. As soon as you stepped outside you felt something was off. Something or someone was watching you. Jason, you did remember his name, walked out of the door and approached you and acted casual while zipping up his jacket. “ Don’t panic but I’ve got the feeling someone is watching you.” “  So I’m not going mad?” “  No guarantees there. We might be going mad together. I know you don’t know me but will you let me walk you home? ” You looked him in the eyes. You really wanted to say yes. “ No, sorry. It’s not you it’s just…” “ I get it. Don’t worry about it. Just…” He handed you what looked like a combat knife. “ be careful.” ” May I ask why you’re carrying out spare combat knives to hand out?” ” Do you want to know?” You swallowed.  ” Next session maybe.” ” Let’s make sure you get there safely first. Watch your back. Something’s out there, I can feel it.”

You walked on and heard something again. Something creeping up on you as sudden but as clinging as a shadow.  You clutched the combat knife as you walked to your car. Someone grabbed you from the back and knocked the knife out of your hands.  “You think you could get away from him that easily sweetheart?” There was a hand on your mouth, muffling noise while you struggled to get away from the man’s grip. You were considering your options, trying to remember how to twist your arm when someone interfered. “ I think she fucking can.” The man who grabbed you was looking into the barrel of a gun. A red hooded man stood there.  “ Get out of here. She’s under my protection now. Come after her again and I will find you. “  A flash of recognition went over the guy’s face as he ran for it. You thought you heard someone curse and a shiver went over your spine. He lowered his gun, picked up the combat knife and walked over to you. He handed the knife back to you with the hilt pointed at you while you rubbed your wrist and leaned against the car door, shaken up. You instinctively clung to him, as a means to stabilize you from the shock and get you up straight more than anything else.  “ Jason?” Anyone else didn’t make sense. You weren’t sure if he’d even speak up. “ Good guess.” “ I changed my mind. ” He nodded and walked behind you towards your car.

 “ It’s him. “ You hissed in a quiet tone. “ Figured as much. Want me to get into the car or can you handle it from here? Does he know where you live?” “ Yeah, haven’t found a new place yet.” He nodded.   ” Want me to join you there? Keep you safe? If you trust me that is. “  ” Yeah. I do. “ He got into the car, looked around and took off the helmet once he was inside of the vehicle. “ What about the motorcycle?” “ I’ll pick it up after we got you home safely.” The car ride was considerably silent. You weren’t sure what to ask him or tell him. He leaned with his elbow on the armrest of the car door. “ He seemed to recognize you.” “ He probably did. I’m not your average guy. But I don’t hurt people unless it’s to save others.” You opted to just take his word for it. There was something strangely soothing about having him around. You had this feeling that you could trust him, which you in all honestly hadn’t ever had before. But you weren’t sure whether to trust your instincts anymore. “How did you stop the nightmares?” “ I didn’t.”   You swallowed. “ I get it you know. “ He looked up, slightly frowning, unsure what you meant. “I get that you want to kill him. That’s what you meant isn’t it? But it wouldn’t fix the broken pieces. “ You stared at the road ahead, lights flashing by. You continued. “You know what they told me? That hating him wouldn’t heal me, loving another might and it would break him. Because it would show him he didn’t own me anymore.” “ What do you think about that?” You shook your head at his question. “ I think I couldn’t if I tried. Not that easy to trust anymore.” “ You can. It’s fear that’s holding you back. It’s what he wants.”

“ You think he’s gone? That he will stay away now?” He shook his head.  “ You could stay with me instead. Until you find a new place. No expectations, I won’t try anything with you. Could teach you how not to get disarmed so easily.” He sighed. “ I can protect you there, if you think you need protection.” “ So what are you? A cop?” “ Not quite. But I don’t want you to get hurt and after what happened tonight…” “ I might take you up on that offer.” “ Okay, then turn right here. “

You could use a protector, or at least someone who understood who didn’t look at you as a work in progress when you were putting the pieces back together.  

“ But there are some things you gotta know about me before you get into my apartment…”

What's your opinion of Jason, given all the BTS drama, the disaster that was s3 and what went down with C/exa and now Bella/ke? (what if that ship doesn't sail? even with all the social media frenzy around that one now) Is it possible you're being an apologist for him?

Hi anon! 

If your assumption is that I am an apologist for Jason, I’m going to assumeyou’re probably new to this blog (welcome!) and have not listened to thepodcast I co-host, Meta Station.  We recapped all of 3B here and I suspectif you listen to any of the episodes that will put that matter to rest prettyquickly.)

If you are new, you might have missed my “I’m no longer taking anons askingme to defend why I still like this show” policy (which you can read here). I answered that question once, at great length, here,and I try to avoid repeating myself where possible.

My opinion of Jason is that I’m done just kind of bitching about himrecreationally, tbh.  I have draggedJason, you have dragged Jason, we have all dragged Jason, it has been agloriously unifying fandom pastime, and there was a time when we probably allfound it cathartic, but I no longer think it serves us and I don’t think itmakes this fandom a better place.  I am only human, I may slip up fromtime to time, especially if he does something really boneheaded, but I amtrying VERY HARD to get myself out of the dragging Jason Rothenberg business.

That said, if you have a particular, specific question about how I feelabout a writing choice, a character choice, or something concrete like that,I’m always happy to take those.  On our podcast, Erin and I critique hisstorytelling choices at LENGTH and have never been quiet about the places wherewe think the writing has been lazy, irresponsible, thoughtless about tropes,fandom-baiting, or just bad storytelling.  In addition, I think based oneverything we all know and hear coming out of the continual BTS rumors, as I’vementioned many times in recent posts, it sounds like for at least a couple ofthe cast members he creates/has created a really difficult workingenvironment.  And yes, I think there were some catastrophically badchoices in S3 - not just Lexa (whose death I have blogged about before here),but the character assassination of Bellamy, the fridging of Gina, the erasureand the death of Lincoln coupled with the way it sounds like Ricky was beingtreated personally, the gross Murphy/Ontari thing - and I think it’s wise that the network brought in a newco-executive producer as a tactful indication that they know Jason needs alittle reining-in. 

That said, I don’t think he’s Satan, I don’t think any human being deservesto have people tweet “kill yourself” at them over and over, and I am cautiouslyoptimistic that he has learned some really key lessons from the fallout ofS3.  We’ll see how S4 progresses, and we’ll know what we know when we knowit, but I’m hopeful and positive that this season could be great, and I’m notinterested in apologizing for that.

If your assumption that I’m an apologist from him stems with some of therecent posts in response to fears about cancellation, what I have been sayingover and over is that the NETWORK continues to support Jason, believe in hisvision, show enthusiasm for the stories he is telling, and speak positively ofhim and the show.

I do want to point out, however, that it sounds to me like the question youare at heart asking is “Jason fucked up Clexa and might fuck up Bellarke, whydon’t you hate him and this show more,” which I am happy to answer because thisgives me a chance to remind you that you have sent that question to A KABBY BLOG.Whether Bellarke or Clexa or neither is endgame isn’t why I watch this show, soit is not a dealbreaker for me. 

I have said this before, many times, and I will say it again, VERY LOUDLY,in boldface and italic type:

it is very frustrating for all the rest of us in the fandom who don’tlabel ourselves as “Bellarke” or “Clexa” to be addressed as though absolutelynothing else on this show matters except those two ships. 

I plan to continue watching the show with enthusiasm.  It’s fine if youdon’t.  That’s a personal choice.  But I loved a lot of things in S3that had nothing to do with Bellarke or Clexa, and I am sure I will find a lotof things in S4 to love that have nothing to do with Bellarke or Clexa, becausefor me this show is not about Bellarke and Clexa.  If it is for you,that’s fine!  We all consume media differently.  But I don’t thinkit’s being an apologist for Jason to feel, for example, that the show is stilltelling really important stories about all kinds of different representation thatdeserve to continue to be dignified, and I don’t think it’s erasing the crappystuff he’s done to say that he’s also done a lot of things really, really well.

Here, in no particular order, is a list of just some of the many things Iloved about S3 that I want to make sure are not erased or drowned out by thenegatives of S3:

Literally every single moment Kane or Abby wereonscreen, separately or together, especially THE KISS and THE PRISON SCENE and THE CHEEK KISS andTHE FINALE HUG and BEING PLOT-RELEVANT

The whole City of Light/ALIE storyline,especially its connection to Grounder mythology

Lindsey’s performance in “Nevermore”

Briller

Indra

There were a lot of big writing/editing problems in the Bellamy/Pike/Kane storyline, but hot damn those performances were fantastic

Becca and the Polaris flashbacks

Roan and Luna

Kanetavia/Rebel!Dad with Harper and Miller

Jasper’s PTSD arc

Monty getting a new level of nuance and complexity

Sinclair getting all the dialogue they probablywrote for Wick and getting to really flesh out his bond with Raven

The Griffin women finally getting the chance toteam up and save the day

Multiple Wells callbacks

Jake callbacks for both Abby and Clarke (especially “I can’t do this again”)

Niylah

Murphy’s entire arc (obviously not counting the creepy Ontari sexual assault/consent violation thing), especially the Indra/Piketrio and his finale teamup with Abby

Raven’s entire arc – running from her pain, thenpushing through it, then becoming a superhero without her injury ever beingdismissed or minimized

The new Arkadia sets, the Rover, and the waythey depicted the Sky People gradually settling in and building a home

Jaha’s slow-burn three-season good guy tovillain arc

I’m excited and enthusiastic about S4, as is pretty much everyone I know inthe Kabby fandom.  It’s okay if you aren’t.  That’s a personalchoice.  But the fact that I’d never take a job working for JasonRothenberg because he sounds like a really awful boss doesn’t mean I’mobligated to hate the way he tells stories or want his show to becanceled. 

I gently encourage you to let go of any assumptions you may have that thepeople who continue to enjoy this show are doing so blindly or stupidly, thatliking the show is a blanket endorsement of all a showrunner’s worst personaland professional choices, or that people who like a thing you don’t like do sobecause they’re not as smart as you are and they haven’t figured out that they’rewrong for liking it.  

I love this show enough that I have never kept my mouth shut when thewriters make choices I object to.  I lovethis show enough to believe it can bear the weight of a substantial amount ofthoughtful criticism from a wide and diverse range of perspectives, and Ibelieve doing so is vital.  

If you just want to tell me Jason is a garbage person and you’re annoyedthat I still like things he’s doing, then I’m afraid I can’t actually help you. If you are here to be an informed, thoughtful critic of this show and are interested in debate, you will always be welcome.  I would just ask you to maybe consider, for next time, the limits of this binary assumption that Clexa and Bellarke are the only aspects of this show that anyone cares about. 

Fanfic: good comments / bad comments

Since it just came up in an ask, I thought I’d share this little list with everyone. These are all super-short comments I have received on some of my stories at some point. All of them instantly made me feel better, so trust me guys: there is no such thing as “too short a comment”:

Oh God no I'm crying 

me @ the joker: die 

Absolutely phenominal!! 

What a fun ride 

CRYING HAPPY TEARS OMG 

Great story!

This was great. 

amazing!!!!!

BRILLIANT

Love this.

AUGH MY HEART 

D: D: D:

KJSFKLDSJFKLDJFS oh Jason...

Fuck yeah Alfred

Yes!

Seriously, every single one of those made me feel happy and fuzzy when I saw them, because that means my stories moved someone enough to give their own input on them. Let me make this clear for everyone: the length of your comment says nothing about its quality. Short comments can be super-good.

The devil is in the content. Here are the only four kinds of comments that I don’t like:

flaming, i.e. offensive, insulting, derogatory behavior - will be deleted upon sight

non-sense spamming, i.e. ads or completely unrelated nonsense like “my cat just had to go to the vet” (okay, sad for you, but wtf does that have to do with the story?) - will be deleted upon sight

shameless self-promotion, i.e. “hi, great story, I wrote a Jay & Dick piece too: [link]” (seriously, if you want me to read it, at least ask politely and don’t feign interest in my stuff just so you can get views; it’s tacky) - will be deleted upon sight

genuinely appreciative comment, but also demanding and pushy (basically only reads “y u no update?” between the lines) or completely misinterpreting the way I write the characters/relationships/story (this is how I feel every time I get asked to write quick, superficial H/C with Arkham!Jay, because I consider superficial treatment of PTSD an insult to real-life PTSD survivors; same thing with gratuitous violence/rape/etc.) - will still be posted and receive a “thank you” in reply, but nothing more.

I hope this clears things up a little.