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#it's provided by my mental illness <3
greg-montgomery · 2 years
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Lonely
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Aaron Hotchner x Gn!Reader
Summary: Just a little hurt/comfort fic. It's one of those days where nothing feels okay, but to your surprise, your boss Aaron Hotchner is there to comfort you.
Soft!Hotch my beloved <333
TW: The reader talks about struggling with their mental health.
Words: 1.1 k
It was only you who was left at the office. You thought that occupying your mind with some boring paperwork would help you distract yourself from the painful feeling on your chest. It was one of those days where something as simple as a smile was impossible to fake. It was one of those days where a headache was creeping up by you forcing your tears not to spill all day.
If someone were to ask you why you were feeling that way, you would have an extremely hard time to explain. You couldn’t even explain it to yourself. You were just feeling sad. And feeling sad made you feel lonely.
The noise of a door closing made you drop your pen and turn your head to that direction. Yes, everyone else had left, but the word ‘everyone’ did not include your boss. Ever. At least for you.
 “Y/N, what are you still doing here? It’s almost eleven,” he asked, approaching your desk. Looking up at him you immediately recognized concern in his expression.
“I thought I could just finish this all up tonight. You know, so I don’t have it on my mind all week.” You tried to sound casual, but you were pretty certain he was already not buying it.
“I don’t want you to overwork yourself. Especially for something as meaningless as paperwork. You already go through enough when we have a case.”
You sighed, figuring there was no reason to fight him on this. If you agreed he would just drop it. “You’re right.”
You started collecting your things to put them in your bag, expecting Aaron to wish you goodnight and leave. Instead you felt him staring at you in silence.
Bringing your bag to your lap, after securing all your personal things in it, you turned to the side ready to get up. You hadn’t realized that he had moved closer though - to the point where if you stood up, your face would bump into his chest. That’s why you decided to stay seated.
You looked up at him and took a deep breath, trying to calm your heartbeat that was going crazy, because he was completely towering over you.
“Y/N?”
“Yeah?”
“Is everything okay?” There it was again. That same expression of concern. You hated the way he could see right through you. Aaron was known for being able to read people – he was good at his job and you admired him for it – but it was never fun to be on the receiving end of his talent. It made you feel bare and vulnerable.
“Yes, everything’s good.”
He slowly squatted down so he could be at the same level as you. Your height difference hadn’t allowed your faces to be this close to each other before. Looking into his eyes from this new angle felt different.
“Listen,” he started. “I can understand why I would not be the first person you’d choose to talk to about a personal issue. I know I’m much older than you and might act a little like a drill sergeant sometimes, but I’m always here if you need to talk. I would love to help. About whatever it is that’s bothering you.”
You smiled sadly at him because, deep down, if you could choose one person in the world to open your heart to it would be him. But how could you randomly start talking about your feelings to your boss of all people? How does one get the chance to do so?
Except now you had the perfect chance. He was offering it to you.
“I don’t think I’m gonna make any sense, Hotch,” you answered; your voice small and ready to break.
“You don’t have to. This isn’t an exam, you know. You can just tell me how you feel. No need to explain.”
Tears started to blur your vision at his words. Your feelings for him got a hundred times more intense than they were before.
“I’m lonely,” you broke, crying properly now. “I’m so lonely.”
His hand reached out to take yours and his thumb started to move in a soothing motion. It helped.
“And I’m not saying I’m alone,” you continued. “I have my family, my friends, our team... I know I have people in my life who care for me, I really do. And I recognize how ungrateful I sound for saying that it’s not enough. But it’s not. I’m still lonely. And I’m still sad. And I don’t know why.”
“Sweetheart…” he whispered, his free hand cupping your cheek so he could wipe away the tears.
“I’m so tired of thinking I’m okay and then feeling awful again. It never ends,” you sobbed, leaning into his touch without really thinking about it. “I just feel so helpless when it gets bad. Like nothing can help.”
As soon as you finished your sentence he pulled you into his arms. The fingers of his one hand got lost between your hair, while his other hand was rubbing circles on your back. “Maybe this can help,” he said, kissing the top of your head.
You completely melted in his embrace. Your sobs got louder and your body was shaking, but it felt like release.
“Hotch,” you cried, “I just wanna be okay.”
“You will be, I promise.”
You pushed away, just enough so you could look at his face again. His eyes were red and your heart clenched at the thought of him caring for you enough to be this moved by your sadness.
His palms were cupping your cheeks again and his handsome smile made its appearance, looking sweeter than ever.
“Thank you,” you smiled back. It was through tears, but it was the only genuine smile you had given anyone all day.
“Of course,” he replied, leaving a soft kiss on your forehead. “And now…” He dragged out the sentence, while standing up.
You missed his touch already. You didn’t want him to leave you alone. But you prepared yourself for his next words. He probably had to get home to Jack, you thought.
“How about we go get some ice cream?” he asked instead.
Your eyes lit up like a kid which made him laugh.
“I know a place that’s open all night. Let me drive us there,” he said offering his hand, and you took it without a second thought.
“I’d love that.”
You started walking towards the elevator, holding hands.
“Nothing like some ice cream after a good cry, right?” he joked and you giggled.
His hand dropped yours, only for his arm to wrap itself around your neck, pulling you close to his chest.
Maybe you could learn to love the way Aaron could see right through you. It made you feel cared for and understood.
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scuddish · 1 year
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i open every blog that reblogs my gifsets just bc i wanna know what phase you're in rn and how you got there
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six-of-ravens · 1 year
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well, dad got a job, which I definitely didn't think was going to happen (no shade on dad, but I didn't think there was a market for a guy of his age in his industry - figured they'd want young blood that can work for 40 years yet...yay for labour shortages I guess?). this is good financially (they're not struggling, but dad having to retire early when his office closed at the start of covid and he couldn't find work was concerning), and probably for dad's mental health bc he's finding retirement a little too boring (the man needs a hobby that's not seasonal but try telling HIM that).
we're a little concerned about mom getting to her appointments, but she and dad talked it over and she thinks she should be able to take a cab to her appointments fine but if that fails my aunt has offered to start coming down to visit and help her again (she works from home and has a fairly forgiving schedule). if all else fails, once in a while I can probably work from home and take her but idk how well my boss will deal if that happens often (doesn't help that all her appointments are at offices scattered throughout the city so we can't just go to One hospital and be done).
anyway, big changes coming. it would be good for my dad to have work again though and probably (even though she dislikes it) good for my mom to get out on her own again and navigate the world in some small way, even if it's just house to cab to doctor's office and back.
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rabbitindisguise · 1 year
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my therapist: wait you keep mentioning bullet journaling, can you explain what that looks like for you?
me: [explains]
my therapist in a kind of horror: wow! that's a lot
me: yeah. yeah I know. It's okay ma'am I get it.
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ozzgin · 4 months
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OZZGIN!
May I request an idea/imagine?
It is about yandere! mental asylum patient and psychiatrist! reader, who is very practical and strict regarding her job, takes no BS from others. But, for some reason, she has a soft spot for yandere! mental asylum patient. The reason could either be he had a hard childhood in which he had to do what he had to do, which brutally killed his father, who used to abuse his mother and sister, but when the father tried to sell the sister into prostitution to buy more alcohol, all hell break lose. Psychiatrist! reader thinks what yandere! mental asylum the patient did was OKAY, and she wants to get him out of the asylum. They love each other deeply and would do anything, so far as to kill for one another. If you can, make it as twisted as you can. I live for some dark romance!
Please ignore my request if you are not able to do it. I completely understand. Thank you in advance! <3
Oh my, this request hits somewhat close to home as I have a friend incarcerated for similar reasons. I'm pondering the logistics behind this context you've provided, since murdering someone won't necessarily land you in a psych ward unless there are other symptoms that come with it. And so I've taken the liberty to expand the character's profile if that's alright. (Conveniently enough I still have my psychopathology lecture notes)
I want to add, however, that this story in no way romanticizes mental illness! If anything, one may consider it an opportunity to reflect on the fact that so many people struggling with disorders do not receive the proper care for it, or only do so when it's too late. Furthermore a medical professional should never, ever behave like this and whatever is written here should stay in the realm of fiction!
Yandere! Patient x Psychiatrist! Reader
Featuring a patient that's pushing the boundaries of your work ethic and might even succeed.
Content/warnings: female reader, detailed mentions of mental disorder, violence, obsessive behavior, breach of professional conduct
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You roll up your sleeve and check your watch. He should be here soon. Out of habit, you shuffle the papers for a quick case review, even though you already know all the details by heart. You carefully set aside the patient’s MMPI and WHODAS entry assessments, then your first interviews. Your eyes briefly rest upon the resulting report you’ve comprised: Schizophreniform Disorder (Provisional) with good prognostic features; Diagnostic criteria consisting of delusions, disorganized speech (frequent derailment with episodes of incoherence, echolalia) and comorbid catatonia. Responds well to antipsychotic (clozapine 25mg/12 h) with no imminent need for dosage increase. As it currently stands, he will be fit for proper incarceration in less than 6 months. Is it something you agree with? Not quite. You’ve presented your case many times and it has always been met with pitiful shrugs and dismissals.
The door opens and you fix your posture, sweeping the documents back into your drawer. “And? How are you feeling today?” You ask, flashing a professional, cordial smile as the assisting nurse leads the patient to his seat and prepares her leave. “My chest hurts.” The man answers in a low voice, glaring at the nurse. He taps his foot against the plush carpet, seemingly restless. “How bad would you rate it? Chest pain is a somewhat common side effect of your medication.” You retort, following the movements of the woman finally excusing herself and exiting the room. Once you’re alone, the man’s shoulders droop and he visibly relaxes. “It’s not that, you know it. When can I touch you again?” He pleads, despair twisting his features. You tense up at the words. “Behave yourself. It hasn’t been that long.”
It’s not something you’re particularly proud of. In fact, you might even call it one of your great shames in life. You’ve always been a textbook professional, perhaps even too strict according to your coworkers and most patients. Not even in your wildest dreams would you have dared to imagine you’d violate the code of ethics by falling in love with your patient. But something about his situation stirred your sense of justice. Surely one cannot be punished for protecting their loved ones. The only criminal in the equation, at least in your eyes, was that joke of a father and he had it coming. So you found yourself wrestling against a blooming protectiveness and favoritism towards the young man brought here last month.
What would have normally compelled you into action had therefore been silently swept under the rug. Or even worse, you secretly indulged in it. A patient showing signs of affection towards you would instantly be transferred to a different psychiatrist. Yet you couldn’t put away the letters written by this one. Erratic, crumpled notes of “I love you” written countless times, pencil dug so deep it tore into the sheet. Bizarre illustrations that looked almost threatening. His elaborate delusions before medication was introduced, where he’d detail in grand narratives how you were fated for each other and nothing would stop him from having you sooner or later. You do not know what forces possessed you into this addictive plunge, but you’ve come to enjoy his violent, frenzied confessions. So much, that during one of the unsupervised meetings you let yourself pushed into the sofa as his hands tugged at your body in rabid need. It was so out of character that you wondered if it truly happened, though the bite marks and scratches on your neck and chest proved otherwise.
“Are they going to send me to prison?” He changes the subject and stands up, walking towards your desk. “Most likely. What you have is the result of a traumatic event, not a lifelong condition. Sporadic episodes that can be kept under control with antipsychotics aren’t enough of a reason to keep you in the hospital.” You press your legs together nervously and glance at him. “Can’t you just say it’s no longer working?” He suggests, kneeling before you and placing a hand on your thigh. “You know I can’t lie on the report.” You really don’t like it when he manipulates you like this. “Ah, yes, because lying is worse than fucking your patient.” He scoffs, annoyed. “Don’t threaten me like that”, you say as you turn towards him, but you’re stopped by the rough grip of his hand over your cheeks. “I’m not threatening you, I’m threatening everyone else. Listen, (Y/N), I’m not fucking around. I don’t mind pretending to be crazy if I have to. Will the meds still be working if I steal a shaving razor and cut the nurse open?” You try to open your mouth, but his fingers are pressed into your skin, locking your jaw into place. “I’m not going to prison. I’m not. Then I’ll never see you again and that can’t happen. You know that.”
Eventually he releases his hold, allowing you to speak. "I understand. Then there's no choice but to arrange your escape." You sigh, defeated, and he raises his eyebrows. "Won't that get you in trouble?" You chuckle at his statement. "Either way I'll be in trouble. You said it yourself. Might as well quit before I have to stand in front of the ethics board and have my license revoked." You'd prefer to keep the last ounce of pride if possible.
He sits on the floor and you notice his trembling hands. "Nervous?" You ask. "No. Just really happy. I'm not a bad person and you were the only one here to see it. But God, (Y/N), I'd kill anyone if it was for your sake. I can't wait to hold you whenever I want." He gazes at you as a smile widens on his face.
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art · 6 months
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Creator Spotlight: @jdebbiel
Deb JJ Lee is a non-binary Korean artist based in Brooklyn, NY. They have appeared in the New Yorker, New York Times, NPR, Google, Radiolab, and more. Their award-winning graphic memoir, IN LIMBO, about mental illness and difficult relationships with trauma, released in March 2023 from First Second.
Below is our interview with Deb!
Have you ever had an art block? If so, how did you overcome it?
That implies I am over my art block, but I’m still in it! I think about Kiki’s Delivery Service a lot and how she had to stop doing a thing, and that you can’t really force it, and you have to let it come back to you. It’s a pretty humbling moment, realizing there is more to life than just drawing. I’ve been trying to consume other content like reading or watching movies—anything that is not drawing-related—and to trust that it will come back to me. I think not being afraid to do the small pieces before committing to the big pieces is helpful. Because big pieces are what I am known for, I dig myself into a deeper hole, thinking that each piece has to be bigger than the last one. So yeah! Relaxing and doing the small things before overcommitting to a big piece is the best way to go about it for me.
Which 3 famous artists (dead or alive) would you invite to your dinner party?
I feel like these are all artists that I have second-degree connections with! Jillian Tamaki, Victo Ngai, and Tillie Walden would be my picks!
What are your file name conventions?
…What file name conventions? I mean, I don’t have specific file name conventions, but I actually have a public Google Drive archive! But I usually put “djjl_whatever-the-title-is_final,” and I would always know it’s the final and legit version.
What is a recent creative project that you are proud of?
I did an illustration for the whiskey brand Johnnie Walker. It’s so wild because I only had four days to finish it, and it usually takes me a week and a half if I rush. And honestly, it’s probably one of my best pieces from this year, which is funny. It was for the Mid-Autumn festival, so I made it as Korean as possible.
How has technology changed the way you approach your work?
I only use my iPad to draw everything now, and if I want to pretend that I have a steady workstation, I’ll use my Cintiq. I still am not as comfortable on the Cintiq as I am on Procreate, but it’s still pretty solid and nice. That’s the good part about technology. The bad part about technology is how AI art has been messing things up for me. I’m currently in a lawsuit about AI art as a class rep. Some of my stuff got turned into AI art late last year, so I have to give a deposition at some point. 
What is a convention experience that has stuck with you?
Honestly, they’re all good! I feel like Lightbox Expo has been really nice because it’s truly been a convention for artists. I feel like that’s where most of my audience is, and they’re all around because their purpose is to be better at art. That’s where a lot of original artists do well because they’re getting art they’re inspired by, not so much fanart. I like the Lightbox Expo because it encompasses the pure love of art very well. 
Top tips on setting up an Artist Alley booth?
Use a Y axis, not just your X axis! Take advantage of it! Branding is also something to think about. It is definitely something I’m getting better at. Having an assistant is also very important. I’ve also heard that 8.5x11 to 12x18 inches is usually a good size for prints, but I also provide postcard-sized prints because sometimes people don’t want to commit to a larger size. 
Who on Tumblr inspires you and why?
You know this is so funny. I’ve been following @alicexz for over a decade on Tumblr and other platforms. I’ve followed her work since high school, and we’ve only recently become peers. I found her, and we met for the first time in real life, and she recognized me. And then I found all my drawings from when I was in my Alice phase, back in high school, and I was like, “Yo, this is when I was trying to be you so badly!” and she was cracking up and was like “Wow, this is so good!” It was such a sweet moment. I wanted to take a picture of her holding my drawing up. It’s really nice because now we’re peers.
Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing, Deb! Be sure to check out their Tumblr blog over at @jdebbiel.
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owliellder · 7 months
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Two's A Crowd
College Bully! Leon Kennedy x fem! Reader
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MDNI 18+
(Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5)
Description: College is proving to be a lot harder than you imagined. You cannot fail this math class. So when you've tried everything else, a well-known student is recommended to you by your professor for tutoring lessons, not really leaving you with much of a choice but to work with him.
Warnings: Not proofread, No Use of Y/N, Dub-Con, Unprotected Sex, Bullying, Yelling, Cursing
Tags: College AU, Bully! Leon, Shy! Reader, both are in their early 20's, Leon is Rude AF in the beginning, Loss of Virginity, Oral Sex, Fingering, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Additional Tags to be Added
Author's Note: Yay!! New multi-chapter fic in honor of 800 followers!!
I'm a sucker for tropes and mean Leon is one I can't keep out of my head. If you're not good at math then this is the fic for you! (also don't mind me slipping some Sky lore in here...)
Cross-posted onto AO3
Chapter 1
Growing up, college had always been a big dream of yours, leaving you fantasizing day in and out about all the possibilities that would open up, along with actually getting to live through the renowned “college experience”.
In reality, college was a lot harder than you were expecting. Your parents had told you to jump right into it after high school, fearing taking a gap year would ruin your good streak. The stress was starting to get to you and it was only a semester into your freshman year. All the tests, projects, and general studying really wore down on your mental health, not to mention you were failing the one math class you had.
You couldn’t tell your parents, no, they’d probably have a heart attack, especially since that math class was a prerequisite to another class that you needed to take. They were already worried enough that you hadn’t picked a major yet, so who knows how they’d take the news that you were failing right off the bat.
It was hard enough that you were feeling homesick. This was the first time you’d ever been this far away from home, studying at a university when you would’ve been perfectly content going to a community college closer to home. Your roommate was nice, but the two of you weren’t growing any closer than mere acquaintances, so it always felt awkward to just exist in your own dorm room.
Your eating habits worsened with the lack of any real food within five miles of campus. Sure there were a couple fast food chains on the campus itself, but they closed incredibly early. By the time you finished studying, which was around six in the evening, it had already closed. Not to mention that when they were open, the lines were comically long. University food was out of the question after you got violently ill from their “chicken nuggets”, so you were left with the little money your parents provided once a week to order takeout or make quick trips to the store to buy a frozen meal. Only one, since the mini fridge in your dorm was almost always occupied by your roommates stuff.
Everything was so exhausting and you were way out of your comfort zone having to use the community bathrooms for all your hygienic routines. Walking in always made you feel like you were interrupting a meeting in the president’s oval office with how many nasty looks you were given when all you were trying to do was brush your teeth.
The first thing you saw whenever you opened up Canvas was a massive F staring you down from the little box that comprised the majority of your math assignments and tests, making you feel less than worthless. This one semester alone helped you understand why so many people dropped out, this was hard.
By now you’d already gone to your math professor multiple times asking for redos or extra credit work. He was probably sick of seeing you since you showed up after almost every single assignment’s grades were submitted.
“Heeeyyy, Mr. Lebovic..” You said after knocking your knuckle against his open door to grab his attention. “Listen, about that last quiz, I-”
He cut you off with a wave of his hand before gesturing towards one of the chairs sitting in front of his desk. You hurried to sit down, watching nervously as he slowly pulled his eyes off his computer and onto you. “I get it, you don’t need to explain yourself.” His relaxed tone and faint smile was enough to ease your nerves a bit, letting your shoulders slump with a sigh. “You’ve been trying really hard, I can easily recognize that.”
You nodded eagerly, licking your dry lips as you opened your mouth to speak, only to be cut off again. “I’ve been looking into studying options that might help you. Resources are scarce for this material, but I think I finally have a tutor to help you out.” 
A wave of relief washed over you at the mention of tutor. Maybe you wouldn’t have to face the wrath of your parent’s disappointment after all! “Oh.. o-okay…” you stuttered, eyebrows furrowing as you silently beckoned him to continue.
“I teach another math class, it’s higher level, but I have a student in there that’s just taken up tutoring the material you’re learning.” Your professor seemed just as happy as you were about the opportunity. “His name is Leon Kennedy, he’s got one of the study rooms in the library from three to five in the afternoon on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.”
It took you a second to process everything Mr. Lebovic was telling you before you scrambled to pull out a sticky note and a pen to write all the information down on. You heard the older man chuckle softly, looking over at him when he held out a small piece of paper to you. “I wrote it down already for you, don’t worry.” You wished you could’ve thanked him tenfold, but his office hours were closed for the day now, so you said a quick goodbye and hurried back to your dorm, holding onto the piece of paper like a lifeline.
Contrary to what your math professor thinks, you knew the name “Leon Kennedy”. You had a couple friends that you hung out with occasionally out in the grass in front of the science building and they’d brought him up before. The few vague bits of info that you’d heard weren’t flattering, painting this Leon in quite a bad light; the stereotypical jock in a frat flying by on a full-ride scholarship. However, he was your saving grace now and you needed to develop more of an unbiased opinion of him if he was going to help you raise your grade from an F.
“Yeesh, sorry I’m not better at math or I would’ve helped you.” One of your friends, Sky, spoke up as they read the piece of paper your professor gave you yesterday from over your shoulder. “Even if you were better at math, I still wouldn’t trust you.” Ella, your other friend, laughed out.
“Ha ha, yeah, Sky failed math four times. Big whoop.” Sky waved their hands dramatically before walking over to sit down next to Ella in the dead grass. “Seriously though, you’re better off taking a failing grade and dealing with your parents. Kennedy is the devil incarnate.”
“The devil incarnate sounds easier to put up with than my parents, so I’ll take my chances..” You grumbled, taking a seat on a medium-sized rock close to the pair. “Maybe he’s turning a new leaf? Deciding to tutor?” 
Sky crossed her arms and rolled her eyes which made Ella elbow them in the side before giving you a sympathetic smile. “Maybe so, but please just be careful. I don’t want you having to put up with some jackass that has an ego bigger than Texas.” 
You nodded with a slight frown, moving your foot side to side lazily to push the grass blades around. You didn’t even think to consider the repercussions of studying with some random junior. “I’m sure it’ll be alright. Besides, just tell Sky and I if he’s giving you any trouble. I know damn well no man likes to put up with two women yelling in his face.” Sky nodded and pointed to Ella for added dramatics. “Yeah, and I bite. My top six teeth are porcelain so that shit hurts. Trust me.”
Your friends never failed to make you laugh, a slight resolve in a pool full of worries, you suppose. “Don’t worry, you guys’ll be the first to know if Leon is mean.”
“Good. Now, when’re you gonna go see the guy?” Sky rested their arms on their knees before looking up at you. “Uh.. in a couple hours I guess. I already made the appointment.” Your response seemed to surprise both of your friends, giving them a confused look in response to their shocked ones. “Is that.. Is that not a good time?”
“No no, just.. I thought you would’ve maybe taken a little longer to go and see him.” Ella shrugged, reaching a hand up to scratch behind their neck. “Proud of you, taking the initiative like that.” She then looked at her phone before pulling herself off the ground with a small groan. “I got class in a couple minutes. Good luck with the frat boy.” 
She patted your shoulder as she walked off towards the larger building on campus, leaving you and Sky alone for the rest of the time. Part of you wished both of your friends could walk you to the library when the time came, but having Sky was enough. “So.. Leon’s bad bad?” You needed a bit more clarification on the guy you were going to spend one-on-one time with, something to calm you down after running through countless scenarios in your head.
“He’s not all bad, 'least I don't think. I’ve exchanged a few ‘hello’s’ and ‘excuse me’s’ with him here and there since we apparently frequent the same building.” Sky scooted over to the rock you were sitting on, placing the back of their head on your legs. A couple brown leaves blew over from a nearby tree which they grabbed and crunched with their hand. “I haven’t personally experienced any bad happenings around him, but he is part of a pretty notoriously rowdy frat, so you have to promise me that you’ll only study with him on campus and never go to that frat house or any frat house in general, alright?”
Sky pointed up at you, poking the underside of your chin which made you laugh again and swat their hand away. “As much as I rave about wanting to have the stereotypical college experience, going to a frat house was never part of my daydreaming.”
“Good. Keep it that way.” They switched their fingers to give you a quick thumbs up before letting their arm flop down into their lap, eyes closing with a sigh. “Anyways, besides all that, wanna go get some food? I don’t have another class today and you’ve got about an hour and a half to spare, so actually you have no choice. Get up.”
You stood up with a shake of your head once Sky pushed off of your legs who stood up as well with a small stretch. “Don’t burn me at the stake, but I kinda want grocery store sushi. I’m feeling lucky.”
“Please don’t.” You sighed, pocketing the piece of paper before beginning to follow behind Sky as they started to walk across the grass. 
After the two of you shared a sandwich from some random shop not too far off campus, Sky walked with you up to the library, stopping just before the front desk. They agreed to not wander in with you under the condition that you’ll go to their dorm straight after to discuss details.
To say you were nervous was an understatement. Most of what you heard about this guy meant he was bad news, though you really didn’t have much of a choice when it came to seeing him. Like your math professor said, there weren’t a lot of options when it came to studying the material you were learning. Sure you had the internet and other students in the class, but you preferred the idea of a tutor since you’d already exhausted yourself trying to follow along with various youtube videos. You needed the in-person teaching, it just stuck better in your head that way.
Slowly starting to walk, you made your way over to the study rooms lining the back of the library. The rooms seemed pretty private with the only window being on the door, which had glass nearly top to bottom. Thankfully the rooms were numbered and Leon had texted you which room to go to when you made the appointment with him, you had no idea what he looked like and you didn’t want to look like a creep eyeballing people through the door until you hopefully found the right person.
Standing off to the side, you could see the number you were looking for sitting above the door, taking a brief moment to collect yourself and hype yourself up to talk to someone who didn’t have the greatest reputation. Set aside everything you’ve heard and just hope for the best..
You took in a deep breath as you strode over to the door, glancing inside through the window before knocking to let him know you were there. The table was angled off more to the left so you didn’t immediately see him until he leaned over the table to see who had knocked. Confidence left you as soon as you made eye contact with Leon due to the groan you could hear through the door. It took you a couple seconds, but you eventually managed to get your body to work with you, hand turning the handle to let yourself in.
“-the last thing I need..” You caught the end of his little rant to himself as you opened the door. The saying “fake it ‘till you make it” is harder than it sounds since your entire body decided to betray you, deciding that shrinking in was the best move. Quietly, you shuffled over to sit across from him at the table, placing your backpack in your lap in some weird way to provide comfort in this situation.
“You weren’t supposed to show up.” Leon grumbled, sitting far back in the tilted chair as his feet lifted the front end of the chair slightly. His arms were crossed and he was giving you probably the nastiest look you’ve ever seen, next to your parents, of course. All you did was sit there giving him a blank stare. It was obvious what he’d said, yet the sheer forwardness of that snide comment had you more than confused. “What?-”
“You weren’t supposed to show up.” Apparently he felt the need to repeat himself with some added bite, barely letting you get a word in. “No one ever shows up to these shitty tutor- whatever the fucks.”
Wow. Okay. “Uh..” You didn’t even know what to say to that. It completely caught you off guard. You’d run through countless ways this interaction would go in your head, but this wasn’t one of those ways. The two of you sat in a very tense silence with Leon just glaring at you from across the table, continuing to rock back and forth in the chair.
Without uncrossing his arms, Leon lifted a hand and waved it around slightly while shaking his head. “Are you actually still gonna sit here orrr…?” The sound of his voice finally snapped you out of shock, causing you to shoot your gaze down to your backpack, fumbling with its partially broken zipper. “I-.. Mr. Lebovic recommended you..?”
You pulled out a few of your failed assignments from your bag before setting them down on the table with shaky hands, keeping your eyes glued to the papers to avoid that burning stare the man in front of you has. “I need-.. I need help..?”
“Do you?” Leon let the chair fall forward, his sarcastic tone starting to make your whole body tremble. “You don’t sound like you do.” He snatched one of your assignments from the table and held it up, pursing his lips as he studied the various red marks made on it closely. You chose to not respond to that, letting your hands rest on top of your backpack so you had something to squeeze.
He turned the page around, the sound of the paper wobbling the only thing you could hear right after the sound of the central heat blowing through the vent in the room. Suddenly, Leon started chuckling to himself, shaking his head incredulously as he flipped the paper back and forth a couple times before letting it fall back to the table. “This is terrible!” His laugh grew louder as he tilted his body to the side to pull out his phone, taking a picture of the assignments you’d put on the table. 
How on earth were you supposed to react to that other than just sitting quietly? He was actually making fun of you right to your face. Hell, he might as well point and laugh if he’s going to be this brasen. 
The most you could muster up was a quiet yet high-pitched “... huh?” in response to him. This whole ordeal was spiraling a little too fast for you to keep up with. You were expecting to put up with some grown man with a bratty attitude or even just a very uninterested, not all there jock with how Leon’s been described to you, not blatant bullying.
“Huh?” He mocked, taking one last look at his phone while loudly sucking on his teeth before pocketing it again. “Anyways, this is actually sad. How are you managing to fuck simple math up like this?” He roughly grabbed all the papers on the table and stacked them before partially tossing them back at you, some slipping onto the floor. “You’re too far gone, even I can’t fix that.”
You let out a gasp when the papers were tossed at your face, scrambling to catch some of them. Pushing the chair back, you leaned over to grab the few that fell on the floor, desperately holding back tears. “Please, you don’t understand.” You pleaded, voice cracking as you tried your best not to start crying in front of him. “I-I need to pass this class. I’m passing everything else, I just can’t keep up with this one!” You were speed-talking to try and argue your case, sitting back up with the small pile of papers that you struggled to stack properly.
Leon started rocking back in his chair again, arms back across his chest as he watched you with squinted eyes. The corners of his lips soon turned up into a smirk, taking in your sorry state before rolling his eyes with a dramatic groan. “Alright, alright, stop whining, jesus..” He cleared his throat, letting his head fall over the back of the chair. “I’ll help you only because I feel bad for you.” It’s not like he was going to admit that he was being forced to be a tutor, no one needs leverage over him like that
You couldn’t help but give a small smile despite his implication. It was a start. “And I’m not gonna do it today, either.” Well, the sooner the better, but still, it’s a start.
He then stood up from the chair, fixing his jacket with a sigh. “If you show up even a minute late on Friday, I’m not helping” and before you even had a chance to reply, he walked out of the room, the door shutting with a slam which made you flinch. Luckily, you were a very punctual person when it came to this kind of stuff. This was important, so if you had to show up early, so be it. You hurriedly shoved your assignments back into your backpack, not even fully zipping it up before rushing out of the study room, back through the library, and to the dorms.
“He said that?!” Sky yelled, quickly wiping their hand over their mouth to quiet themself once you shushed them. “I don’t really feel comfortable with you going to another ‘study session’ with that guy if he’s just gonna bully you.”
“I wouldn’t call it bullying-”
“He was bullying you.”
“OKAY! So what if he was?!” You fell back onto Sky’s bed with a sigh, arms splayed out with your legs dangling off the side. “I can handle it. As long as I get my grade up, who cares?”
Sky sat down next to you on their bed, giving you a sad look as you sat yourself up with your elbows. “I care. So does Ella. You shouldn’t put up with that just for a grade. I’m sure if you explain to your professor and-”
“And what? Tell him that I’m a grown woman getting bullied over something I should know by now?” You sat yourself up fully now, leaning forward to place your elbows on your thighs as your head rested in your hands. “It’s only until finals are over and we’re already halfway through October. Maybe I won’t even need that much time, maybe I’m just missing one simple… math move and it’ll get the gears in my brain moving again.”
You tilted your head to the side to look at Sky, head now resting only in your right hand as you took in their annoyed look. “Trust me. I can handle this.”
“If you say so.” They ran their fingers through her hair before looking away from you, directing their attention forward to stare off at nothing. “Just remember that I bite and I’m not afraid to use my fake chompers on that no good-”
“I don’t wanna think about escalations right now, but thank you.” You chuckled, playfully nudging Sky with your free hand before moving it back to hold your head up with the other. Though you were trying to convince Sky on this, you were mostly just trying to convince yourself that you could handle this. Handle Leon and his.. alluring charm..
Only until finals, maybe even sooner.
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maybcnksgf · 5 months
Text
sick - jj maybank.
the one in which jj is sick and needs you to take care of him. cue your overdramatic boyfriend.
a/n some toothrotting jj fluff, sorry not sorry <3
pairing: jj maybank x routledge!reader
warnings: mentions of sickness, throwing up? other than that none.
check out my masterlist here! enjoy <3
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perhaps jj's claim of "i have polio bro, i can't walk" to john b that morning wasn't quite as crazy as you'd expected it to be. obviously, polio was far from the reality of his sickness, but that didn't stop you from worrying when he still hadn't emerged from your room over an hour later.
he typically would have slept in the guest room (especially if john b had anything to say about it), but he was just so rough last night that john b caved and let his sick best friend sleep in the comforting embrace of his sister.
"john b, please. look at him," you pleased with your brother as you pointed to the mess that was jj maybank collapsing onto your couch in a dramatic heap, mumbling about how he was convinced that he was dying. "you know luke won't take care of him, and do you really expect anything to happen while he's in this state?"
john b groaned at the gross mental image you so graciously provided him, but he reluctantly nodded his head and helped you move your boyfriend into your bed.
"any funny business while i'm here and i'll kill you before this illness can, maybank."
"fuck off, jb."
you crept into your bedroom quietly, closing the door behind you and sitting down on the edge of your bed. the curtains were drawn, providing a slight relief for jj's pounding head, and you put the glass of water and ibuprofen down on the bedside table in favour of running your fingers through his hair.
his face was pressed against the pillow, his cheek smushed in an adorable manner.
"jj," you spoke softly, not wanting to hurt his head any more as you tried to wake up as gently as possible. "wake up, love."
he groaned at the disturbance of his sleep, squeezing his eyes shut even tighter. "i don't wanna."
"cmon, sweetheart. i have medicine for you."
he groaned a little louder and eventually sat up, leaning back against the headboard as he gave you an adorable pout. his nose had turned a light shade of pink and his eyes were still half closed and a little puffy, glazed over with the remnants of sleep.
"oh baby," you cooed softly, resting a hand on his cheek and frowning at the way he leaned into your touch. "how are you feeling?"
"like i'm on my fuckin' death bed."
you chuckled quietly at his words and he gave you a playfully annoyed look, but your smile dropped when you felt his cheek start to heat up beneath your palm.
you moved your hand away from his face (much to jj's dismay) and pressed the back of it against his forehead. "you're burning up, j."
"i'm dying, y/n," he groaned dramatically, grabbing your arm gently and trying to pull you closer. "kiss me, save me."
"you're not dying, jj," you laughed quietly again and pressed a kiss to his cheek before handing him the water and medicine. "here, take this and drink the whole thing, it should help with your temperature."
the rest of your day was spent cuddling your overdramatic, helpless boyfriend and providing him with plenty of kisses (even if it meant you would get sick too).
"hey, y/n/n?"
"yeah, j?"
"i think i'm gonna throw up."
"great."
-
a/n feel free to check my pinned and send me some requests!
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ROUND 5 MATCH 3
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Elliott propaganda:
“Just look at him. Pure hunk energy.”
“I will punch anyone who dislikes him. He’s like a fire emblem character in the modern day. He’s so flamboyant and handsome, he can play the piano and he’s best friends with the old fishing man!”
“dramatic writer man with sexy hair”
"Since I like elliott. I will state some reasons why I like him
Imagine if Mr. Darcy didn’t insult your family first time you met him, that’s Elliott. The man who’s basically the hallmark romance love interest. He’s a writer who moves to the small town in the country side to find inspiration for his writing. Then he finds the farmer.
He has a crab living in his pocket
He can play the piano (hopefully it isn’t the river flows in you however)
His fans sometimes hc him as a merman and that’s just a major plus IMO
He genre of the book he writes is dependent on what genre you say you like.
He also sends letters to you if you marry him
Okay and also some things I dislike
His liked gifts, the easiest one is pomegranates, which cost like 6000g to grow a tree if you don’t pick the fruit cave. I AM NOT GETTING SQUID INK IN YEAR ONE FOR YOU.
he might be British /j
The fact he has no kitchen but still likes food like lobster, like he is just a mystery. Lives in a cabin, with no kitchen, no washroom (okay no character has a washroom), but still likes the most fancy food out there and has luscious hair worthy of a L’Oréal ad.
Gifting him on rainy days when you don’t have two hearts"
Dimitri propaganda:
“He's chivalrous, he's blood thirsty, all rolled up into one package and calling you "his beloved". Get you a man who can do both.”
“My husband <3 He's schizophrenic just like me and I love him for that.”
"First, look at him. No disrespect to the monster lovers, but even if blonde, blue-eyed hunks aren't your thing, you can't deny that Dimitri is very pretty.
Second, one of the things I love most about Dimitri is how self aware he is of his privilege as a prince (or king) and how seriously he treats the gravity of his position. He has a strong sense of duty and wants to be a good leader who listens to and provides for the needs of all of his people. This includes the citizens of Duscur, who were nearly wiped out by his own countrymen in (mistaken) retaliation for his father's murder. His commitment to righting this wrong is one of his primary goals in life.
Third, while he is more than capable of crushing a man's skull with his bare hands, under normal circumstances he absolutely wouldn't. A large part of the reason why his fall is so shocking and devastating to witness is because by the time he snaps, we know that Dimitri is actually a kind and gentle soul who hates violence and understands that even his enemies are human. Even at his worst point he still recognizes this, which feeds into his extreme self loathing. He extends compassion and forgiveness to others but struggles mightily to allow himself any forbearance for his own mistakes. He's kind quite literally to a fault, as his empathy is both his greatest strength AND his biggest flaw and I find that as heartwarming as it is heartbreaking."
"Okay first for all the "he needs therapy haha funny" (and its annoying corollary "I can fix him") comments, 1) don't we all? And 2) you can't romance him til end game when he is in a much healthier place due to his own choice to change his priorities and the support of you and his friends. He battles daily with severe mental illness in a repressed society that doesn't talk about it. And on multiple occasions tells people that it is okay to feel your feelings and offers support despite his own struggles (I include that bc that is a date able trait to me). If he's not your fave that's cool, but leave the ableist language out of it pretty please 💙💙 Okay reasons he should be your boyfriend now!!
He calls you his beloved and wants to hold your hand 🥺
His happiest moments in game are when you smile
And in conclusion, he is shaped like a dorito and has a huge cloak to snuggle you up in"
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dtrghost · 11 months
Text
closeness and proximity part.2
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pairing: ghost x f!reader
synopsis: callsign is sunshine, because you're anything but. team 141 thought ghost was bad? at least they could crack a smile out of the guy from time to time, you? you were stone faced, all day, every day. until one day you're not, not with a certain someone anyway.
warnings: inaccurate military language and sequences, violence, angst, descriptions of interrogation and torture, INTENSE gore (imo), cursing, allusions to mental illness (reader has sociopathic tendencies) you get the gist. If you have a weak stomach or faint heart, please do not read this, like please.
part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT:
word count: 3.5k
The heat choked her body as she threw the covers off, sweat causing her clothes to cling to her body in a way she hated. Her nightmares haunted her dreams at night, reminders of her wrongdoings, failures, moments in life where she had no one. She was reminded of every feeling she felt up until now, and it confused and hurt her at the same time. She stood up, unable to lay in bed any longer and threw on some black cargo pants with a black long sleeve top.
She walked out of her room, making her way to the range where dummies stood to practice on. Personally she thought they were partially useless, they were good to practice hitting targets standing still, but in the field it was quite the opposite. They were running, jumping, moving in every possible direction. They were hitting back, so she always preferred to train with a partner, however, she didn't have one at the given moment, so she had to make do.
She spent hours practicing, taking shots with the blanks provided, ensuring each one landed in the center of their fake forehead, and if they didn't she'd do everything again, and again until her training sequence had been completed perfectly. She had a watcher, and she knew that, ignoring their presence until she finished. Ghost watched as her final shot rang out, hitting the dummy in the same spot she had hit so many times before, announcing the finality of her session.
"You're up early Sunshine." His gruff voice bounced off the stone structure behind the dummies, coming back to her ears in a way she quite liked. The sensation of hearing his voice twice over even though he spoke once was soothing to her in a way, even though he sounded like he swallowed nails and it fucked up his vocal chords for life.
"How old are you?" She questioned suddenly, laying her gun down on the table and unloading the blanks, tossing them off to the side. His eyebrows jumped in surprise at the question, walking over to her and peeking over her shoulder as she cleaned the weapon off, black spots of gunpowder appearing on the cloth she used.
"I assume you already know since you dug through my file." His voice held a bit of contempt and hostility, but her reaction remained even and calm, chuckling, though to her it felt hollow as it always did. The sound followed that feeling, and Ghost noticed it.
"I forget unimportant things." He rolled his eyes and sighed, his hands gripping the top of his vest as he watched her work.
"I'm 28 as of last month." She hummed, glancing over to him. The conversation wasn't inherently interesting, she found no pleasure in the topic, but did find a hint of entertainment in the conversation being with him specifically. She didn't understand why, but she'd indulge for a while, at least while she was still on the team.
"What's on the agenda today?" She moved along, leaning on the table as his wide, tall frame towered over hers. She couldn't help looking over him again, even in his gear he was so... hot. Her mind wandered, the word putting her mind on a track as she yet again shamelessly checked him out.
"Hey." He snapped his finger in front of her eyes, snapping her out of it. "Have some damned respect yeah? I'm you're superior officer." He would be lying to say he hated it, he loved it actually, that the girl he was once so intimidated by still had some human qualities, like attraction and want. But she could tell he misconstrued her intentions, she didn't understand the want aspect of it, she just saw something she liked and looked at it, not because she wanted to have it, but because it was nice to admire.
"I'm not looking to sleep with you. You have a nice frame. That's all." His cheeks involuntarily burned, starting from his covered next and moving up. How could she say that so calmly? He watched her shrug and move on, looking back at her weapons as he sighed.
"Today's an off day. We don't get many so get your arse out the range." He muttered, turning around and walking out with heavy steps and a sway to his walk that she found addicting to watch.
She...
not liked... enjoyed? No, was fond of, close enough.
She was fond of the way he moved, she found it satisfying, how even he was, symmetrical in shape and incredibly fit. She thought long and hard at night about random things, and the male physique was one of the topics that crossed her mind. How much they had going on, as least the ones she'd met in her times of service, all muscular and built to take any blow sent their way. She wished there were more women working in her career, get the best of both worlds, but she found herself understanding why there wasn't.
"Sunshine! Get your arse out of there! That's an order!" Price yelled from the entrance, noticing she hadn't moved from her spot since Simon left. She followed his instructions, deciding to go back to her room and relax in there until she was needed. That's how these types of things normally went.
Her skill and forte for doing what she's technically not supposed to was something that kept headquarters bouncing her around. She'd be on team 141 for maybe a year before being moved, so she chose to not make connections with anyone. Most were happy to let her go for two reasons. One, how persistent she was about not sleeping with them, and two, the nasty scars left behind for even asking the question.
Most of the times she was the one requesting a team change, and they obliged because they wanted to keep her on their good sides for what it was worth. She knew she was being used, but isn't this what she signed up for? What they all signed up for?
She groaned at the knock on her door, loudly expressing her distaste for whoever was behind her, not caring who it was.
"It's time to eat breakfast. You have 2 minutes to sit your arse with us or I'll drag you out myself." Ghost called through the wood, his voice getting raspier as his volume raised. She snickered at the empty threat, getting up and opening the door to see him standing there, irritated that he had to come get her as if she were incapable of coming herself.
"You seem to really like my ass with how much you order it around." His mouth went dry as she pushed past him with a thud, walking over to the table, not looking back at him.
"Fucking hell." He murmured, annoyed by the fact that he was heating up again, mentally cursing himself for being flustered by something so immature. But he couldn't help glancing at it as she walked, how well shaped it was, the weight it had, how it-
Bloody fuckin' perv.
His eyes shut for a moment in shame at the fact he just checked her ass out before making his way back to the table and sitting down next to Soap who left him a seat. The table was tense and quiet, the team glancing around at each other as she ate as if they weren't there.
"So Sunshine. You heading to the pub with us later?" Mctavish questioned, shoving some of his MRE into his mouth.
"No." Everyone stopped eating at her blatant denial. She didn't care for team bonding, she hated it. She found it pointless when they had a higher chance of dying than being a friend to her.
"You should go. It'll be good to get out." Price pushed, looking at her expectingly.
"What do I get out of it?" If she was going to go, it better be for a damn good reason. They looked at each other, sighing as Price instigated the negotiation process. They discussed terms, agreements, benefits, etc, all for one night with her at the pub. This is what she liked about men, how easy they were to persuade, especially as a woman that peaked their interest. It was almost disheartening. She noticed how Simon didn't participate and ate his food in silence.
He didn't want to feed her ego, he didn't care whether she went or not, and he wouldn't waste his time with unnecessary terms for a single night. If she didn't want to go, she shouldn't have to. That's what he thought, and she knew that, she liked that. She liked that he wasn't easy, that he was a challenge to her, to crack, to break. She wanted him to hate her, to loathe her, to feel small compared to her, she wanted the satisfaction of being powerful no matter who she was with.
The terms were settled, they'd buy whatever she ordered and she was required to stay for two hours until she could leave and one of them had to buy her food by then for dinner. The day went by quickly, her having avoided interaction with them all together until she was forced to see them again. For the pub she wore a black crop top, a white button up over top, and some black trousers with some white shoes.
She slipped on a mask that covered half her face, straightened her curly hair, not wanting anyone but herself to see that part of her. Her natural hair was the only genuine part of her that she liked, it was true to who she was, where she came from, and she didn't intend to let people she didn't know or trust see it. She left it up in a ponytail and walked out to see Soap exiting his room.
"Ready lass?" He questioned with a genuine smile, one she couldn't return because she didn't want to go. So she replied with another curt nod, leaving him in silence and following him to the car.
"Sunshine. With me." Ghost commanded, getting into the driver's seat of the car he was going to drive. She found the way her callsign sounded from him to be odd because of the duality of it. A beefy, gruff, cold man calling her sunshine. She sat in the passenger's seat, the car lurching from the force of his foot hitting the gas, moving forward to follow Soap in front of him.
She turned on the radio, only for Simon to turn it off.
"I need to concentrate." He voiced, and when she tried again, he did the same thing, shutting it off.
"I don't care. If you can't think with noise than maybe you should quit before i end up having to drag your rotting corpse out of the field." She snapped, clearly pissed off about not being able to turn on the radio. He looked at her with a blank expression, realizing she was genuinely upset, with all the things she could be putting her emotion towards, she put it towards the fact she couldn't listen to music.
"Careful. Or I'll write you up for insubordination and have you dishonorable discharged." He threatened making her snort and look out the window.
"Do me the favor then will you." His eyes narrowed at her, his grip on the stick shift tightening in irritation. Part of him loathed her, how impulsive and arrogant she was, but then he was reminded that she didn't know any better, which made him angry too. Everything about her and associated with her made him angry, so he huffed and turned on the damn radio.
"This once. That's it." She snickered to herself, the anger slowly dissipating as they drove on in silence, filled by throwbacks from the early 2000s that she liked. They reached the pub and he parked next to Soap, walking inside. The smell of alcohol and sweat intensified the closer they got to the bar, maneuvering through people who were drunk and dancing to the music.
"What is it you're having then?" McTavish asked her.
"I don't drink. I'll take a coke, can preferred, thanks. His tab." He rolled his eyes, nodding to the bartender who later slid her a can of the drink of her choice, everyone watching her crack it open and take a sip, turning away to pull her mask down.
"So you really don't drink?" Gaz questioned her.
"Pretty sure I said that already. Fuck it's hot." She shrugged off her button up, leaving it draped over her chair. Eyes widened at her. She was ripped, her arms were toned, faded scars here and there with some tattoos not only there, but on her waist and sternum, though they weren't as visible due to her shirt.
That's when Ghost noticed it from his side.
"The fuck is that?" He asked, peering to get a better look. Y/N turned her head to him, eyes following his to her brand.
"Got it when I was kidnapped." She explained simply, shrugging off his shocked look until he grabbed her arm for a closer look. He recognized that brand anywhere, soldiers' bodies that came back from Verdansk after failing their initiation program to work under General Voroskoy, an ex-KGB wet agent who commanded the Russian forces in the region.
This changed, everything. This means she survived, she managed to endure the agony they put soldiers into and come out alive. Ghost had seen the autopsy reports, burns, cuts, electric jolts, mutilated bodies from head to toe, some had to be identified using dental records, if they had any teeth left.
"Had they came a week later they would've put me through my second round of ECT. Didn't get drugged up for it either. Then you'd be fighting me." She informed them, Gaz, Price, and Soap having came to look as well.
"What'd they do to you?" She didn't respond, her head turned to face the other direction, her eyes glazed over and distant. She couldn't think, she couldn't answer. Ghost knew that look, and he never liked it. He pushed past his team and stood in front of her, her eyes unwavering on the center of his stomach as he towered over her once more.
"Snap out of it sunshine, that's an order." She couldn't. She wanted to, she wanted to move her eyes, her body, her mind to any other subject, but she couldn't. It was as if she was frozen in time, in this moment, she wasn't even blinking, feeling her eyes beginning to burn.
Was she here? Was she real? It didn't feel like it.
It felt like the world stopped moving, and everything went quiet. Her heart hurt for reasons she didn't understand before various images of what happened rushed through her, and she felt trapped, trapped in her mind for good. Nobody could pull her out, she couldn't see anyone. Not in front of her, not in her peripheral. She was alone. Alone in a concrete box with a singular flickering lamp as her blood coated the floor, she had never left, she had made it all up, all the missions she went on, all the people she met, it was all in her head.
How foolish could she have been. Rescued? On foreign soil? It was a fairytale, and now she was back. She was going to betray her country by force, because she didn't know who she was, that part of her was ripped away. She couldn't stop it, she wasn't in control, she was weak for letting this happen to her, to truly believe for a moment that she was out at a pub with people that wanted to help her.
Nobody, was going to help her. This is it, this is where her life ends.
Ghost's fingers came up to her face, pressing her lids shut.
The blindfold was on.
"1." ...what?
"2." The room began to fade. Were they putting her under again?
"3." Noises flooded her ears, her straining to understand what was being said.
"4." That was... Ghost's voice, the gruffness of it was all too familiar. Years of inhaling dirt and gunpowder left his voice rugged and raspy, but it was recognizable.
"5." It was as if a wire was cut, and she was suddenly overwhelmed by the stimulation of the pub around her. The cold can in her hands, the sounds of music and voices pounding in her ears.
This was a technique he used on soldiers who dissociated and derealized, whose minds traveled back to the root of their ptsd. His hand dropped slowly, her eyes snapping open in alert. Her body jerked forward and he caught her shoulders. He gave them a reassuring squeeze as he watched her panic.
"Calm down love. You were gone for a moment, give yourself some time to adjust." The rest of the team watched in concern and curiosity as she scanned the area, her breath quick and uneven. Her heart pounded in her chest, unable to comprehend what was occurring as she place her can down on the counter and quickly walked outside, not caring who she shoved past to get there.
Ghost was quick to follow her, calling out her callsign over and over when she didn't respond. She felt his big hand grip her wrist, pulling her into a nearby alley. Anger and fear overtaking her as she quickly swiveled on her left foot. Before he could understand what was happening she jumped up, her legs wrapped around his neck before pulling him down to the floor with all her weight.
He grunted in surprise as his back hit the concrete. She was quick to get up, the need to survive pumping through her veins until arms wrapped around her waist, one hand covering her mouth.
"Get a hold of yourself soldier-" Her head came thrusting back, knocking whoever held her in the nose causing them the groan and drop her. Two strong arms pinned her to the wall, another two keeping her legs still as she struggled.
"Hey! Y/N!" Her eyes blew open, meeting the piercing blue of Price's as they bored into hers. The name call caused her to mentally stutter, since nobody called her that, not in the last 6 years.
"You need to calm down. You're a member of Task Force 141, you escaped Russian capture 6 years ago and have been working for the U.N. since." Her mind stopped racing, looking around at the damage she did as Ghost helped Soap with his nose, blood dripping from his hand to the floor as he cradled it. Gaz held her legs down, but made sure that she couldn't hit him in the face with her knee.
"Don't look at them. Look at me." Ghost looked at her, and she didn't like the look in his eyes. She expected some sort of hatred, mistrust, a need to kill her, but all she saw was pity. The word was like a knife to her gut. He felt bad for her, and she hated that. She wasn't weak, she didn't need his sympathy.
"Look at me Sunshine. That's an order." It dawned on her, her eyes snapping to his in frantic panic.
"They know my name." Why would he do that to her? Why would he reveal something she kept so close to her chest?
"I'm Johnny. Johnny McTavish." Soap called out, waving a hand to her as he held a tissue to his nose.
"I'm Kyle Garrick." The man kneeling in front of her said with a small smile. They watched her eyes flicker with confusion, not understanding why. Why were they dumb enough to give that away, to not realize the danger they were putting themselves into. Yes she already knew their names and almost everything about them, but to give that away willing was a principle she couldn't comprehend.
"Simon. Simon Riley." Ghost finished.
"Why. Do you not realize how important that is? Why're you telling me this?" Her gaze was intense, flickering between each of them analytically until she found an answer to her question.
"Because we're a team. We trust each other with our lives." Price answered for them. She searched his gaze, finding no hint of uncertainty or falsehood. They let her go and stood in front of her, not tense, not ready to grab her if she pounced. She took a step forward, and they didn't step back, remaining still and assured.
"Y/N." Her name sounded foreign coming from him, her look directing towards him. Simon's gaze wasn't soft, it wasn't gentle, but it wasn't demeaning either, it wasn't angry or mistrusting. She felt strange, but in a good way, the same way she felt when he called her love. How her chest tightened and her eyes watered, she hated it, but she loved it at the same time.
"Only way we can help you is if you tell us what happened. We've all experienced something, even if it doesn't quite amount up to you, it's enough. So quit being a pain in our arses and bloody say something." He quipped, his closer making the team chuckle, but she didn't understand why it was funny.
"I didn't think I was being a pain." They looked at her oddly, until it dawned on them as she stared back, utterly confused as to why SHE was the pain and not someone else who was less capable than her.
"We've got some fuckin' work to do."
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This is part 2! I don't know how many parts this is gonna be, probably not many, but there it is! Thank you so much for reading! Lmk if you have any requests and I promise a relationship between ghost and the reader will occur but I don't wanna rush it so yeah!!
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antifainternational · 6 months
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Another day, another antifascist successfully beats all charges after The International Anti-Fascist Defence Fund helps him pay to hire a decent lawyer! Here's what Leif had to say after winning in court on Tuesday: "ALL ASSAULT CHARGES DROPPED, THANKS TO YOU! 🏳️‍⚧️ Today's trial date took an unexpected turn for the better! Due in large part to your show of support, Leif and his lawyer were able to secure a plea deal which eliminated all 3 of the assault charges, and the fascists are seething mad! 🏳️‍⚧️ WHY TAKE A PLEA DEAL? 🏳️‍⚧️ Some of the witnesses for the prosecution included a 12-year-old whose testimony was being coerced by extremist parents. As Leif is an abolitionist and an advocate for children he decided that it would be unethical to proceed with such a trial. Furthermore, his lawyer was able to secure the plea in a way which would not entail jail time, which is a priority for Leif at this time due to an unrelated skateboarding injury which requires extensive orthopedic care. 🏳️‍⚧️ WHAT HAPPENS NOW? 🏳️‍⚧️ Leif will plead to a lesser misdemeanor and be sentenced on December 6th at 10:30am. Join us for his hearing, and continue to show the court that the community is watching and holding them accountable! You can also still donate to Leif's ongoing legal expenses - one of the fascists who accused him is watching the fundraiser and whining about it on social media. YOU TOO CAN SUPPORT LEIF AND MAKE THE FASCISTS CRY!"If they are willing to drop the assault charges - and they are willing now, because the assault charges were bullshit which they knew all along - then it doesn't make sense to me to put myself in front of this particular jury with my injury on the line. If they decide to be bigots about the case, there's no way a jail is going to provide me with the extensive follow-up care and physical therapy I'm going to need. Plus this knight guy showed up to court today in his whole chainmail costume, and this is making me realize that he is probably way more mentally ill than I realized. This dude needs help, not more attention. Why subject vulnerable individuals like that to the stress and scrutiny of the injustice system?" - Leif You can help us keep our winning track record of helping antifascists fight charges in court and win! Make a contribution to the Defence Fund today.
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LGBTQ+ Disabled Characters Showdown Round 1, Wave 2, Poll 8
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A character being totally canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included.
Check out the other polls in this wave and prior here.
Shallan Davar-The Stormlight Archive
Qualifications:
She's bisexual (word-of-god and heavy implication in text) and has DID (clear in the text). Her thirst for both men and women is somewhat legendary, as is her fractured mental state.
Propaganda:
She's bi and has a nuanced representation of DID, along with other mental illness and severe trauma. She's also a rogue-slash-magical-knight with powers of light, illusion, and bad jokes under horrible pressure. She's cute, a great artist, and a great murderer too.
Anything Else?:
There might be other submissions of her (who knows); if they provide different image selections, please refrain from using one where her features look more white than East Asian, as some of the official art is whitewashed, and likewise lots of the fanart. Such is the burden of book fandoms. Anyway, thanks.
Mod Note: we tried to find good images, if anyone has better official art or fanart they would like to share let us know.
Hiccup Haddock-How To Train Your Dragon
Qualifications:
1. The man is missing a leg 2. He's bi in fanon (and in my heart) 3. Blorbo original flavor. Need I say more?
He has a prosthetic leg, and at least in my circles is quite often hcd as bi
Propaganda:
He's so cool. He builds his own prosthetics that interface with the prosthetics he built for his disabled dragon. First viking to ride a dragon. Chief that brought a new era of prosperity to Berk.
Probably one of the most popular physically disabled characters. And although I personally am not disabled, I have heard a bunch of disabled ppl say that they like him as rep. As he pretty much just exists with his disability. It is not ignored. He doesn't not always function the same as people with 2 regular legs. But it is not made into a tragedy. He just has a prosthetic leg after an accident which caused him to loose one. And nobody really makes a big deal out of it, which makes sense in the society they live in. Idk, here's a link to a video discussing the disability representation in httyd: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvwRhb_ocPM
The qualifications and propaganda paragraphs correspond, @flammableengineering is the first submitter.
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chrisevansonly · 11 months
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Block Out the Noise
pairing: harry styles x female reader
summary: sometimes you just need to listen to your song and love on your boyfriend to make the negative thoughts go away
warnings: mention of past abuse, talks of depression and suicidal thoughts, potentially triggering(?!) very soft and caring harry&lt;3
a/n: i wanted to write something about matilda because it’s a song that I hold so close to my heart. from growing up in an abusive home and needing to take care of my brother from age 6 and up, when i heard matilda i knew it would be a song i’d cherish forever. this is a fic i hold close to my heart because i was that scared and small little girl who didn’t understand why i got anger taken out on me and why i had bruises when other kids didn’t. you’re not alone, you’ve got me in your corner and your stronger than you know, i hope my inner child knows that too<3
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No one asks to be born into a world of chaos and fear, especially not when you’re a child. Wondering why your parents fought, the screaming matches, the subtle bruises you somehow ended up with because you ‘stood in the way.’ As a child you never knew what went wrong or what you did to be treated this way but you still tried your hardest regardless of the war zone you once called home.
you were riding your bike to the sound of its no big deal, and you’re trying to lift off the ground on those old two wheels..
You taught yourself to read, to cook, to take care of yourself and your siblings. Going as far as to teach yourself to ride a bike and even drive, you raised yourself in a world where you wished you hadn’t needed to do that. When you got to high school the insults from your father got worse, the insecurity creeped in and you struggled with self worth and self harm.
nothing about the way that you were treated ever seemed especially alarming til now..
Then came college where you worked three jobs to pay your tuition and fought tooth and nail to get the best grades and work your absolute hardest to get your degree which you did all on your own. Mental illness and recovery was never linear and you battled some of your darkest days throughout college and even towards graduation when you met Harry.
so you tie up your hair and you smile like it’s no big deal
Harry was your world, he was the calm through the storm, the light that helped guide you through the tough times, he truly was your best friend. You’d been together now going on 5 years with no plans of ever separating from one another. He always told you that you provided just as much safety and comfort to him as he could to you.
you can let it go, you can throw a party full of everyone you know and not invite your family, cause they never showed you love, you don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up
-
Now you were 26 and worked at your dream job, your life was filled with so much love and so much joy sometimes you found yourself needing to take a step back and just breathe, reminding yourself your life was real. Of course you had your rough days, and after the meeting and scolding you’d gotten today, all you wanted was to get home and see Harry.
matilda, you talk of the pain like it's all alright, but I know that you feel like a piece of you's dead inside
When Harry had started working on the album, he’d told you he was writing one very special song he couldn’t wait to share with you. So on the day that he sat you down and let you listen to Matilda, by the second line you were looking over at him with tears in your eyes, bottom lip wobbling ever so slightly and he was quick to pull you into his chest.
You showed me a power that is strong enough to bring sun to the darkest days
When you arrived home you dropped your work things by the front closet, kicking your heels off and dropping your shoulders in exhaustion. Harry wasn’t home yet so you allowed yourself a few minutes to get some water, your headphones and settle on the couch with a fluffy blanket.
it’s none of my business but it’s just been on my mind
On natural instinct almost, you allowed the soft melody of matilda to play through your headphones, eyes closing as you sunk into the cushions. It wasn’t as if you were trying to cower from the overwhelming feelings you had in this moment, but more or less trying to let them flow and escape from your mind
you can let it go, you can throw a party full of everyone you know and not invite your family, cause they never showed you love, you don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up
You hadn’t even noticed the tears steadily falling down your cheeks, your breathing picking up slightly as you pulled the blanket up further, attempting to wrap yourself in more warmth. It wasn’t until you felt gentle fingertips dancing across your face that you opened your eyes, Harry looking at you in concern. Pausing the song you pulled your headphones off and sent him a soft smile
“Hey m’love…”
“Hi”
Lifting the blanket up you let him cuddle in next to you, the instant comfort you felt just from being wrapped up in his arms was enough to blow the stress and pain from the day away
“You okay y/n?”
Nodding you leaned further into him
“Just had a really bad day…got yelled at and it just made me think of old stuff and I don’t know…f-felt a bit sad”
Harry placed a soft kiss against your temple
“I’m sorry today was so tough, I know it was probably hard to remember what it was like growing up too..can’t blame you for feeling upset”
His hands ran up and down your arm softly, the constant touch helping to keep you grounded and in the present moment.
“You know what I think?”
Looking up at him you furrowed your brows
“What?”
Placing a kiss on your lips he smiled
“I think you are the most beautiful soul, inside and out. Despite everything you’re still here, fighting and working hard day in and day out. You don’t ever have to feel sorry or feel bad about doing everything you’ve done on your own, and allowing yourself to love and experience love despite it all”
“H…”
He was quick to swipe a tear from your cheek before continuing
“I love you so much, you’re my now and my future. Seeing you grow and flourish into the woman you are today has been a privilege to witness and support you through. I admire you so much m’baby, you’ve never let anyone dim your light and m’so lucky to get to love you”
Anything you would have said to him in this moment was caught in your throat, so wrapping your arms around him and holding him tight was enough for him in the moment. Harry was the moon and the stars to you, he was your whole universe and he’d been helping you heal since you’d been together. You’d done the hardest work on this journey, he had just been there to support and love you through it so he says.
“I love you so much H, thank you for letting me start a new family”
“I’ll always be your family, you’re safe with me my darling, always”
Matilda was a song that would forever have its hold on you, and it was even more special knowing Harry had wrote it thinking of you, including you in his album and one of his projects he really loved. The love he’d shown you and continues to show you had only helped you come out of your shell and finally feel as if you’d found your place and purpose in this world.
Harry was your home, just as you were his.
a/n if you or someone you know is struggling with abuse please reach out to someone you know, whether it be a friend, family member or adult you trust. I’d only wished i’d done so earlier, i’m here to help and support you guys in anyway I can. You are loved, you are cherished and you are worth it.
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sarahowritesostucky · 3 months
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📖"Temporary Custody"
Rating: Explicit
Pairing: Steve x ofc x Bucky; Steve x Bucky
Word Count: 3658
Tags: Dom/sub, bdsm au, dom Bucky, sub reader, hurt/comfort, enemies to lovers, gay sex'n'stuff, straight sex'n'stuff, Steve being a literal Golden Retriever, mental health issues, dub-con, forced submission, bakery au, m/f/m, gentle domination, total power exchange
Summary: The stigma and shame of being a submissive has kept Mary unfulfilled and in the closet her whole life, until an inciting incident leads to Bucky and Steve taking her in and giving her everything she was always too afraid to ask for.
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Trigger warnings: This story contains background themes of eating disordered behavior, body image issues, self-harm, and alcohol abuse.
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Wait! I haven't read an earlier chapter of this fic! Story Masterpost
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3. Cream filled Sponge Cakes (with chemicals)
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Bucky
They plan out what they’re going to do when they get to the hospital on the car ride over.
“I think it’s best if you wait outside at first,” Bucky says, glancing away from the road for a second to try and gauge Steve’s reaction to this. He looks neutral. “Just because she’s already pissed,” he adds. “And it’ll probably be overwhelming having one person telling her they’re taking custody, let alone two.”
“Yeah,” Steve agrees. “That makes sense.”
Bucky holds his hand out over the center console, waiting for Steve to take it. He does, and Bucky grips his hand tight. “I’ll get the initial stuff out of the way. I’m sure there’s gonna be a ton of paperwork.”
“What if she refuses?” Steve worries. “She can, right?”
Bucky sighs. “Yeah. I don’t have any legal hold on her. Yet. I’ll just have to try and talk sense into her, get her to see that we’re better than the alternative.”
Steve gives his hand a squeeze back. “You can do it.”
Bucky sighs. “I hope so. I really do.” Inside though, he’s already not so sure.
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They get to the hospital about forty-five minutes after Bucky’d hung up from the phone call with the police officer. He spots a cruiser parked outside when they approach the emergency room, and it rankles his nerves to think of Mary being forcibly shoved into the back seat of said car.
He goes to the check in desk with Steve and asks for Officer Santiago. “I got a call about an involuntary hold. My submissive,” he says. 
The woman at the desk does a double take at that, looking up and down Bucky where he stands like she’s just realized he’s a different species. “Oh,” she says. “You're one of those?” 
Bucky ignores it, but he can sense Steve tensing up by his side, indignant on his behalf. “Yes,” he says. “I am.” He’s not going to waste time getting on his spiel about mental illness and stigmatization. They’ve got bigger problems right now. “I’m going to need her records,” he says, injecting authority into his tone. “And any paperwork for transfer of custody. The cops brought her in. Name’s Mary.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and tries to look self-assured while he waits, because he doesn’t know what he’ll do if the woman demands a last name.
It takes her several minutes to gather everything up for Bucky. She hands it all over to him and says, “That’s the paperwork for custody. The attending physician should be able to provide you with her medical workup.” She points to a set of double doors. “You go down that hallway and to the left. Bed number four.”
Bucky nods and thanks her, then turns to Steve.
“I know,” Steve says, putting on a brave smile. “I’ll wait here.”
“Baby.” Bucky steps close, pulling him into his arms. Steve’s physically just a little bigger than him, and Bucky has always liked the novelty of that. He kisses him gently and then rests their foreheads together for a moment, letting Steve feel their connection. “I love you,” he says quietly. “You’re the best thing I could ever hope for, you know that?”
Steve’s smile is more natural, now. “Yeah I know it.” He gives Bucky another kiss and stands back. “Hey, what about this?” He knocks on Bucky’s shoulder—the metal one. “She know about that?”
Bucky realizes that he’s not wearing his glove, and tries to remember if he’d had it on at the café. He frowns. “Oh well. I don’t think that’s going to be her main focus, not after I explain everything to her.”
“Yeah.” Steve gives him a light push. “I Love you. Now on and get the hard part over with. I’ll be here when you need me.” 
Bucky nods. He knows he will. He goes back to the check in desk, one last question on his mind. “Is there a food court or something around here?”
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Mary
Mary’s taken a break from saying pissy things to the cop who’s guarding her. She’s been so angry, she’s felt like her skin’s boiling. But now she’s starting to get tired, too. She hadn’t slept last night, just stayed up and gabbed on the phone to that crisis counselor. 
She grits her teeth as she fumes about that, feeling betrayed all over again. That bitch had called the cops on her!
“You can tell me anything you want to. I’m here to listen, remember?”
Liar!
“I hope you know I don’t have insurance,” Mary snaps at the officer. He’s sitting in a chair in her little curtained off area. He regards her coolly, saying nothing, and she jerks her head to indicate the emergency room. “And I’m not paying a single red cent for any of this.” So far, they’ve taken her blood, her pulse, an EKG, and sent in nurses, a resident, and several shrinks. They’d tried to put an IV in her but she’d ripped it out as soon as nobody was looking. “I’m suing the hospital,” she adds. “And you. I’m suing the whole police department.”
“Okay,” Santiago says, annoyingly calm.
Mary growls, rattling her hand where it’s cuffed to the bed rail. “This is unconstitutional!”
There’s the sound of a throat clearing, and then the curtain to their area is being pulled aside. Mary’s eyes go wide when she sees who it is. “You?!”
Bucky smiles politely at her. “Me.” He steps into the curtained room, a little snack bag in his hand. He holds it up to show her, and she sees the Hostess logo. It’s a bag of little … sponge cake pastries. “Best I could do on such short notice. They’re for you, if you behave,” he says, talking to her like a pet being offered a treat.
Mary wrinkles her nose. “Pass. D’you even know all the chemicals they put in those things?”
Bucky shrugs and turns to offer them to officer Santiago, who more than happily accepts. Mary pouts as she watches him rip open the bag and stuff one in his mouth.
“How are you doing, Mary?”
She turns her attention to Bucky and scowls at the way he uses her name like he knows her. “Awful,” she says. She jerks her head at Santiago. “Officer Dickwad over here won’t let me have my phone.”
“Language,” Santiago says dispassionately, through a mouthful of cake. 
“Shut up and eat your fucking donut, Rent’a’cop.”
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Bucky
He puts his foot down once she starts flinging curses and insults at the officer. As a paramedic, Steve is always in and out of emergency rooms, often working in coordination with law enforcement to deal with uncooperative patients. So Bucky knows just how much drama and belligerence these guys have to deal with on the regular. 
“Hey,” he says sternly. “Don’t disrespect him. He’s just doing his job.” He’s not mean about it, but it’s verging on what Steve likes to call his “Dom” voice, and Bucky can see how it affects Mary. She freezes up, all of her focus on him. For a few seconds, she even forgets to be angry. Bucky takes the opportunity to step close to the bed. He eyes where she’s cuffed to the rail. “Mary,” he says gently. “I know you don’t want to be here. I know you’re angry.”
“You’re damn right I am,” she growls. “They just showed up and threw me in a cop car! Didn’t even give me a choice!”
Bucky reaches out and places his hand atop her cuffed wrist. It’s his metal hand. Her eyes widen when she sees it, but she doesn’t pull away. “I know,” Bucky says. “And I’m sorry it happened that way. But do you understand why people were concerned for your safety?”
Her face tenses up as she tries to hold back some emotion (something tells Bucky it isn’t anger, this time). “They called the cops,” she pouts. “They lied to me.”
“They did,” Bucky agrees, wanting to placate her. “But you were hurting yourself, honey. And you were talking about doing worse, weren’t you?”
She can’t meet his eyes, instead staring at where he’s holding her wrist. “I … I talked about a lot of things,” she mumbles. “It was just talk. I don't even remember half of it. I didn’t … I wasn’t really gonna do anything.”
“Can you show me where you hurt yourself?” Bucky asks, careful to keep his voice gentle. “I want to see how bad it is.”
Mary shivers, shaking her head sadly. Her hair is loose and hanging messy around her face, so Bucky reaches up to tuck it behind her ear. He hears her give a quiet, shaky inhale. “Come on now,” he coaxes. “Let me see.”
For a long moment, it seems like she won’t obey, but then her shoulders sink down and she takes a deep breath and lets it out, whispering a tiny little. “... kay,” as her hands creep down to take hold of the tee shirt she’s wearing. It’s extra large, going all the way to her knees, and it’s all she’s wearing. Bucky doesn’t know if the police brought her in that way, or if it’s something the hospital gave her to put on after being examined, but either way, he schools his expression as she edges the tee shirt up her leg, higher and higher, until it becomes apparent that she is wearing underwear, and she’s bared her hip to him.
Cutting, then.
Bucky looks her over, not as upset by the fresh cuts so much as the old ones. They litter the skin of her upper thigh and hip—some so old they’re scars, some still in various stages of healing. Bucky forces himself not to touch, even though his brain is screaming at him to fix fix fix! There’s nothing here that can be fixed easily—certainly not with a bandaid. Bucky takes a moment to calm himself down before he asks, “How long have you been doing this, honey?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she whispers. She shoves the tee shirt back down and meets his eyes. “Why are you here?”
Moment of truth, Bucky thinks. “The police called me. They got my number from your phone. They wanted to call your Dom to come get you.”
She frowns, looking confused. “But … you’re not—”
“Officer Santiago,” Bucky says quickly, cutting her off. “Could you give us a moment alone please?”
“Sure.” Santiago gets up and takes his bag of cakes with him. “Just a couple’a minutes,” he warns, then steps outside the curtain and pulls it shut. Bucky can see as his shoes walk away.
“You told them you were my Dom?!” Mary hisses.
Bucky looks at her sternly. “No. They assumed I was. You had me in your phone.”
“I … I did?”
Bucky’s mouth quirks. “Yeah, you did.”
“Well that doesn’t mean anything,” she huffs. “I’m not even submissive.”
“I think you know that’s not true,” Bucky says. He reaches up and gathers her hair back in one fist and pulls—gently, just enough to put the barest of pressure on her scalp—forcing her to raise her chin. She visibly reacts to it, softening into his grip, eyes slipping closed and features going slack. “You like that,” Bucky says, making it a statement rather than a question, because it’s obvious she does.
Her eyes open slowly. “S’nothing. It doesn’t mean anything.”
He releases her hair, cupping the back of her neck instead. He grips her firmly in his hand, and this time she nearly moans, lips parting and the sound coming out before she can fully stifle it. Bucky’s mouth curls and he hums. “And that? Is that ‘nothing’ too?”
“Please.” She’s having a hard time maintaining eye contact, which is typical. There’s a little pinch between her eyebrows that’s so sweet and needy, Bucky wants to kiss it. It makes her look like she might cry, and that thrills him too. “Please,” she whispers. “I just wanna go home.”
“You’re not going home, Honey,” he tells her, keeping the grip on her neck steady and petting at her hair with his other hand. She’s going down a little, likely so easily because of the alcohol in her system, because of how deprived she’s been until now. She whines a little at his words and he shushes her. “They won’t let you. You’re either gonna have to let me take you, or else stay here in the hospital, in the psych ward.”
Mary whimpers. “No.”
“Shhh,” he soothes. “I know. I don’t want that for you either, but you have to make the choice. If you want to leave here, then you have to sign the paperwork that gives me custody of you.” He tilts her chin up. “Look at me now, Honey.” She’s sluggish, so it takes a second, but her eyes come up as she obeys. They’re a little glossy, pupils blown wide, and Bucky gives her neck an encouraging squeeze. “Good girl,” he praises.
She practically melts at hearing that. “Please …” she says again. 
Bucky would bet money that she doesn’t know what she’s asking for. He does, though. He knows down to the marrow of his bones what a ‘please’ like that means. “Don’t worry, Doll. I’ll take care of you. I will.” He bends and pecks a kiss to her forehead, then steps away. She makes a weak noise of protest and he shushes her. 
“I’m just gonna go get officer Santiago back. … And my husband, Steve.”
She blinks at the word ‘husband’. “Steve?” she repeats, shoulders shrinking as she pulls into herself. “But—”
“It’s okay,” Bucky promises. “He’s a very nice man. You’ll like him.”
Mary looks unsure. Bucky’s glad she’s down, otherwise he’s fairly certain she’d be arguing by now, maybe even pitching a fit and cursing. Instead, what comes out of her mouth is a hesitant little, “... He’s like you?” 
“No. No he’s not designated. He’s—”
“Normal.” She says it so sadly, sounds so demoralized. Bucky has to fight the urge to correct her, to give her a speech about how, ‘just because they’re designated, it doesn’t make them abnormal’. He bites his tongue. What’s more important right now is that she’s making progress in accepting the reality that she’s almost certainly submissive.
“Yeah,” he says. “Steve’s not like us. But I wanted him to come in here and meet you. Do you think you can do that for me, Sweetie?” The pet names come naturally, are a part of his dynamic as a Dom, and Bucky can tell that she responds favorably to them. “Hm? Answer me, Mary.”
(And of course, the use of her name gets instant attention and obedience.)
“Okay,” she says. “Yes.”
He smiles and gives her a heartfelt, “Good girl,” wanting to show her that he’s pleased, that she’s doing well. “I’m gonna go get him, okay? I’ll be right back.”
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Steve
Steve is equal parts excited and nervous to meet the woman Bucky has found, the woman they’re going to be taking care of. … Maybe more, if things work out. 
He holds Bucky’s hand as he’s led back to where the emergency room beds are. Bucky draws back the curtain and Steve sees the cop sitting there, looking bored, … and her.
“Oh,” he breathes. “Hey.”
She’s pretty—which is saying a lot, because that’s Steve’s first thought, despite the state of her. She’s got goo gobs of dark eye makeup that it looks like she put on once she was already drunk, and by now it’s been smeared to kingdom come by tears and her own hands. Her hair sits messy and unbrushed around her shoulders, and her eyes are glazed and tired from a high that’s probably going to wear off soon and leave her looking even more exhausted than she already does. 
“Hey,” Steve says, eyes flicking up and down her body where she’s sitting on the bed. She’s wearing nothing but a big tee shirt, and Steve allows himself one glance down at her shapely legs, then resolutely keeps his eyes trained upwards. She’s a disheveled mess, but even like that, Steve can see how she drew Bucky’s attention, that day in the café.
“Hi,” Mary says.
Steve smiles hopefully. By his side, Bucky squeezes his hand in encouragement, and offers, “Mary, this is Steve, my husband.”
Steve watches her face, curious to know what she thinks of Bucky being married. He’s expecting displeasure maybe, imagining that a submissive would feel jealous or upset, if their prospective Dom was already attached to someone else.
But she seems to stay calm, sitting there and taking Steve in with slow blinks, even looking a little bit shy herself. “... You’re big,” she eventually says. “I thought you’d be smaller than him.”
Steve grins and he hears Bucky’s scoffed, “Size has nothing to do with our dynamic.”
Steve knows he’s got half an inch on Bucky, more muscle mass too, but he’s never felt bigger than his husband. Bucky’s personality, his dominance, is larger than Steve.
Mary’s still staring at him, a thoughtful little pinch between her eyebrows. Steve waits in expectation of a question, but none comes. “What?” he asks. He pulls up the room’s extra plastic chair and sits close to the bed, offering her his hand. He’s surprised when she takes it. Steve stares thoughtfully at his hand as she drags her fingers over his fingers, his palm, still not saying anything. He looks over at Bucky, concerned. “Did they give her drugs?”
Thankfully, Bucky chuckles and shakes his head. “She’s down,” he explains.
Oh. Okay. That’d explain her calm affect. Steve had come in here halfway expecting a screaming hellcat. He hadn’t expected this. He turns back to Mary, giving her a friendly look. “Did you have questions you wanted to ask me?”
She bites her lip, clearly working something out in her head. “Bucky said you two have a ‘dynamic’.”
“He did.”
“But he said you’re normal.”
Steve’s lips thin once he figures out what she means. “We’re all normal,” he scolds. “But no, I don’t have ‘Dominant or Submissive Personality Disorder’, if that’s what you mean.” He puts sarcastic quotes around words to clearly convey his distaste for the classification. He wants her to know how ridiculous he finds it.
“Babe,” Bucky warns quietly from behind. “We’re not getting political right now, okay? Just focus on her, on what we have to do.”
“Right, sorry.” He knows that Bucky’s right, so he tries again, telling Mary, “I’m ‘normal’, but Bucky and I still have a very intimate relationship together. We’re husbands. So yeah, we’ve developed our own dynamic. When I’m with him I tend to follow his lead, so to speak.” He smiles and shrugs. “It works for us.”
Mary looks like she’s thinking this new information over. There’s a slowness to her, a dreaminess in her expressions and her reactions.Steve figures it’s a combination of her being down, and not being sober. In fact, he can smell the vodka leaking out of her pores. It’s actually pretty horrible. “So does that make sense?” he prods her gently. “Mary?”
“… Yeah, I think so.” She eyes him up and down, looking back and forth between him and Bucky. “What will you do?” she asks Steve. She blushes a little from asking the question, so he deduces that she’s asking what he’ll do with her; what their dynamic together will be, outside of her and Bucky.
“I’ll take care of you,” he says, because that’s all he knows for sure, and he wants her to feel safe. Steve knows that it’s absolutely crucial for this woman to feel safe right now, if they’re going to take her home with them. “Bucky and I both will.” He holds her hand—the one that isn’t cuffed to the bed—enveloping it between his. “It’ll be much better than staying here,” he promises. “You’ll be so safe. And much happier.”
Mary’s body draws in, seems to actually get smaller as she pulls back into herself. “I’m never happy,” she says mournfully. It hurts Steve’s heart to see it, so he knows it must be killing Bucky, given his overly protective instincts. Steve glances over at him. “Babe?”
Bucky has a clipboard full of papers, which Steve knows must be the custody orders. “Here, Honey,” he tells Mary, handing her the clipboard and the pen. “This is what you have to sign to be able to come home with us.”
It kind of bothers Steve that Bucky doesn’t encourage her to read through the documents more thoroughly, but he doesn’t say anything because he knows they have only the best intentions for her. She’ll be safe with them. He watches as she signs her signature in the places Bucky points out, trying to scan some of the fine print as she goes. Anxiety is written across her face and she starts to bite at the chapped skin on her bottom lip. “But, um … what if I’m not what you think?” she worried, not looking at either of them. 
Bucky pets her hair and reassures her. “You are, sweetheart. Trust me. And we’re gonna take you to a therapist anyway, to get an official diagnosis.”
Normally Steve would be scoffing at the word “diagnosis,” but he’s too busy watching the two of them together. There’s a strange feeling in his gut, at seeing his husband touch Mary like that, at hearing him call her pet names and calmly take control of her. Steve’s never seen Bucky dom another person before, and he … he kind of doesn’t hate it. In fact, it’s actually making him feel all the more attracted to Bucky, and curious about Mary. Like he wants to help, wants to get to know her.
She signs the rest of the documents without making a fuss, so Steve figures he’ll be getting that chance.
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mrsrookhunt · 3 months
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Monster Rook Hunt Pt. 3-- A Mega compilation
@v-anrouge I have returned
This is my apology for essentially 3 months of total radio silence <3
Today's Specials
Kitsune!Rook Hunt
Yeti!Rook Hunt
Siren!Rook Hunt
MIB!Rook Hunt
Alien!Rook Hunt
Ghost!Rook Hunt
Kitsune Rook Hunt
While he may appear as a normal fox beastman in public, you meet him by discovering him at his most vulnerable point-- in between transformation from a regular foxman into a beautiful, legendary kitsune.
It's a night you'll never forget. Sometimes you're convinced that he revealed himself to you on purpose simply so that he could make the excuse that you had to be his now.
Oh how he loves loves lovesss pets and pats and if you wanted to brush his tails or maybe just tousle the fur that would be great, thank you--
Touch is everything to him. If you sit beside him for a spell you have made a mistake, because now you're all wrapped up in nine bushy tails and two great strong arms. He does nothing but nuzzle you if you get even remotely close to him.
I hope you're not allergic to fox fur.
He may or may not suggest he's already built it so you better accept building a den for you if you're far enough in the relationship two weeks it's been two weeks. You may think that it'll be your average fox den nestled in a muddy hole in the ground, but you could not be more wrong. Unbeknownst to most people, foxmen and kitsune folk alike are expert builders of log cabins they consider the modern counterparts of their closely related fox dens.
It's got everything
Two-story ceilings in the living room, 5 bedrooms, a beautifully equipped kitchen and cinema room... and let's not forget the sauna room in the basement. Yeah, Rook, a 'den'.
Apparently, Rook is a master builder. You're tempted to ask him if all kitsune do this but you're not sure you're ready to be blown away by the answer.
Overall you will be isolated from the outside world. Rook has found the one he loves, and he wants to be himself around you. The more time passes the less and less you will be able to convince him to take a transformation potion and venture out into town. Rook is content with your nature-filled, person-devoid life, and he hopes you are too.
Yeti Rook Hunt
So much for a peaceful exploration of the woods on a snowy day.
If you had known a walk in the forest would lead to the untimely and wholly accidental meeting of a half-human, half-yeti creature that seemed to adore you with all of his heart and by that I mean refuses to stop crooning over how taken with you he is and how it's love at first sight, just like he's seen on TV! you might honestly have turned around and gone back home.
Your meeting is... fun. Being lovingly greeted by a 7-foot-tall, fur covered monster in ill-fitting clothes is a lot to process-- first to admit to yourself that such things are real altogether-- and that this one is in love with you.
He asks you to come back to his cave-- and no matter how much you decline, he will always pop up in your life somehow again to invite you as soon as you say no to the previous invitation.
When you finally do go to visit him, you are immediately pulled into cuddles and kisses. This is how you discovered that the only socialization Rook has been given was through TV.... and pushy romance tropes do tend to make their rounds on a good number of shows.
Rook knows nothing about his own species. What you're seeing and feeling is exactly the extent that he knows about himself. He feels that he is human mentally even though he knows that physically he isn't.
Once you lean into him and his company, you will get unfiltered touch to his long, soft fur, and you will be able to intimately converse with him about what he wants in his future. Two very great perks of dating a legendary monster. And unsurprisingly, he wants you.
You will have to get used to living with him. Once you're dating, it isn't optional. Rook is insistent on being the provider, and for once you don't know if that's from TV or instinct.
His cave ahem, apologies, home is actually quite nicely kept, and oddly cozy. The occasional stalagmite encounter typically isn't awful, as the main part of the cave is comprised of solid, nice, well-furnished rock rooms. There's a deeper part of the cave system, but you aren't allowed in there, since past the liveable part Rook has made there's nothing but steep drop offs and weakened ground. Do not test that theory please.
And if you're threatened by weird cave bugs? Do not fret, they come with insurance. If Rook is home, he'll take care of the bugs. If he's out hunting? There's a nice little tightly sealed log cabin with a fireplace and a bookcase outside for you to chill in until he gets home.
It really is the life. Rook makes sure you never want for anything except fast food and all modern conveniences with the exception of cable.
Siren Rook Hunt
Man, these singers are getting too good. So good.
So very, very goo......
Hey, at least the view from the rock outcropping you're trapped on is nice.
Rook is sweet and charming, but you can't really get past the fact that he decided to sing you into an easy kidnapping over just asking you to dinner. He insists that these days, kidnapping is cheaper than going out for dinner, and you hate to admit that he is correct.
Your days are spent watching Rook be a one-man show in performing his favorite operas for you with a little break every few lines so you don't slip into siren-song induced madness and basking on the shore of the small rock island you live on.
Sometimes he brings you back fabric or paper or something to be creative with, but oftentimes he prefers just to spend as much time with you as possible and talk and talk and talk and talk and... well, he's quite chatty. It does entertain you thoroughly.
All of your basic needs are taken care of but Rook does not fully understand the human need for stimulation and outside of chatting with him and sleeping, there's not much for you to do.
If he really wants you to spend your life with him you are tasked with convincing him to buy a house on the shore, so both of your habitat needs are fully met.
After that, things go smoothly. Rook is very convincingly human and you don't have many differences between you. Rook is dedicated to you, and you are dedicated to him.
Men In Black Rook Hunt
Your meeting was your own fault. You had seen an alien, and you were raising hell about it.
Unfortunately, you couldn't just get a normal interrogator. No, you got the self-proclaimed 'investigator of all things eerie', Rook Hunt.
To say he was ecstatic to interview you was an understatement. He seemed more interested in your personal life than he did the actual incident you'd assumed he'd be investigating.
After that interrogation, your fuzzy memories aided you in spotting him following you around town.
When you finally got around to an actual date with him, he was already planning your future on the first conversation of the night.
You knew you were stuck with him then and there.
MIB!Rook has no interest in marriage, for whatever reason. However, you are undeniably his lifetime partner and he loves you more than life. He is often out on jobs... or whatever it is he does for work (you will NEVER know, he's trying to protect you from the truth).
When he's home, he studies you intensely. Rook does not seem fully human to you (something else he hides from you) and his behaviors tend to mimic you with the exception of his unending, incessant French vocabulary. That came pre-eqipped.
Overall, Rook is secretive, but he only wants the best for you... whatever that means to him.
Side note I've actually seen a UFO and documented evidence of it. Does anyone want that story? It actually inspired this lol
Alien Rook Hunt
Learning that aliens exist is fun. Learning that one is stalking you is infinitely worse.
Rook comes in no spacecraft, no beam of light, or fancy supernatural story. He just knocks on your door and invites himself into your home as Rook Hunt of a planet you can't pronounce.
You've known that someone was following you for several months. You weren't necessarily aware it was an inhuman man with a creepy smile who admittedly creeped around your house amd watched your every move. And didn't seem to find anything wrong with it
Have you seen those people with the letters on their backs around here?? Please tell me you haven't seen the people with the letters on their backs around here..... he means the FBI. Unfortunately, the alphabet is still eluding him.
There's a surprising amount of extraterrestrial gossip between species and planets... apparently earth has just been missing out.
Rook is actually on earth as a scholar-- with a degree in cultural studies and a focus on conversational language. So, he does what he can do best: study you, ask questions, and share his own experiences with you! Keep in mind you will have a very sad, defeated, puppy-eyed Rook if you're not keen for lengthy conversations on interstellar tradition and history
Rook likes bringing you soft things. Much like jewelry is a gift of high praise here, soft things such as blankets and warm ...jackets? Why do they have 9 arms are of equal value where he comes from.
He also enjoys taking you out for hikes. His planet boasts a very rich ecosystem, and most people go for dates exclusively in nature--- its something he's trying to bring back to you.
Your differences, while quite obvious to you, are hard to discern to Rook. So long as you entertain him, and allow him to hang around, life will go smoothly.
Ghost Rook Hunt
If you didn't want to attract the attention of the mischievous spirit of a long-dead esteemed hunter, you probably shouldn't have broken into that cabin in the woods in a far off rural town as a 'roadtrip'.
The moment you walked through the door, you knew you had gotten yourself into deeeeep trouble.
Every light was lit in a building that wasn't supposed to have power, the fireplace had been recently stoked, and there were two warm bowls of stew set at the dingy kitchen table as if it had been set for dinner.
Eerie? Yes.
Enough to keep you from dinner? No.
Somehow, your food disappeared out of your backpack Poltergeist? No, Pomefioregeist , so what else could you get this far out of town?
The food makes you dizzy, and you swear you feel the softest touch of a hand on your shoulder before you're out cold.
When you wake up, the door to the cabin is jammed. It's like a horror movie. But most horror movies don't come equipped with giddy, excited, hat-wearing full apparitions.
Rook's plan is to keep you there until you die. He says he'd have to open the door to get groceries, and then you'd leave. Not the best scenario, but, hey, you won't have to pay off your loans anymore.
When you do die, you're Rook's favorite person ever. Cuddles, kisses, the works. He takes you out to see performances that you don't even have to pay for!
Dying is very cost-efficient.
You'd never imagined that ghosts would feel solid to each other, but it was a pleasant surprise when you had your first kiss with him.
Though you two have no real possibility of a future other than floating through the 4th dimension with each other, Rook will keep your eternity filled with love and devotion.
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drama-glob · 6 months
Text
SPOILERS FOR HELLUVA BOSS SEASON 2 EPISODE 7!!!!
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Let me start off by saying F*CK YOU MAMMON!!!! >:( >:( >:(
Okay now, I LOVED THIS EPISODE because as much at it broke my heart with how much of a gut punch it was that Fizz has been putting up with Mammon for years, the fact that he got his freedom at the end with the constant support of Blitz and Ozzie, who genuinely care about him melted my heart as well. ^_^
I knew going in I was going to hate Mammon (because with how he runs his ring, I couldn't see how he could have any redeeming qualities), but he seriously was a bigger abusive d*ck and was way more blatant about than I expected. >:( Poor Fizz right off the bat with his unhealthy work ethic that he's not good enough and that his value is tied into his work, something that many of us (me included) have been guilty of. I blame Cash for being the most likely factor in why Fizz thinks that way, along with his idol worship of Mammon playing into it. >:( Also, that creep getting in Fizz's head was so messed up because we come to see how genuinely nice Fizz is and he sadly let what that guy said get into his head. ;_;
I'm so glad that Ozzie from the start is looking out for Fizz's well being and mental health, which is also really sad because he has no doubt had this conversation many times with Fizz about not needing to please Mammon and that he is good enough, only for Fizz to insist everything's fine when it's not. ;_; I also had a feeling Ozzie wouldn't be a fan of the Robo Fizzes given that he loves Fizz so much and knows what people use them for, so most likely it's part of the whole blackmail deal/Ozzie can't break out of making them so long as Fizz doesn't call it quits. ;_; I'm also happy that Ozzie clearly harbors no ill-will towards Blitz (which we already saw in "Oops," but it's nice that he knows Blitz wouldn't like the state Fizz is in and needs to cut ties with Mammon). :)
Fizz is just so talented with his craft, but the further pressure that he had actual competition from Glitz and Glam just made things so much worse, but of course Mammon don't care. >:( One of the absolute best moments though had to be the sweet little deaf kid signing to Fizz and Fizz signing back as well as sign his picture, so it was sweet and it helped Fizz's mental state temporarily. It was unfortunate that flipping creep came back and messed with Fizz once again, only adding to Fizz's panic attack that goes into overdrive once he sees Glitz and Glam perform. ;_;
My sadness only built as Fizz spiraled and tried to make himself "fine," but my man Ozzie being there as soon as he hears (from Blitz no doubt) that Fizz is not okay and him not leaving until he can get to the bottom of way Fizz is so adamant about doing this while trying to comfort him was wonderful. I legit cried, as I'm sure many of you did, when poor Fizz admits that he feels like practically nothing next to Ozzie and that without his job and the fame, he'd eventually leave Fizz despite how many years they've known each other and how much Ozzie does to remind Fizz that he loves him for who he is. ;_; ;_; ;_; It's sad too that Fizz has put up with the year of abuse because he felt he owed Mammon for leading him Ozzie, even though that's certainly not true. It really brought it in home just how much trauma Fizz has suffered and affected his mental state. I can only imagine how bad it'd be if he really didn't have Ozzie in his life. O_O The sweet, honest words from Ozzie afterward just reinforced my belief that Ozzie is the best boyfriend and their song "Crooked" was so saturated with lovey-dovey sentiment, I went awwww so many times and shows how lucky they are to have each other. ^_^<3<3<3
Fizz's "2-Minutes Notice" was absolutely incredible, (especially considering this was improv ;) ) and the fact Mammon didn't realize it was about him until the end was hilarious! XD But Fizz certainly proved how amazing he is and I'm sure Ozzie was more than happy to provide the magical backup to really stick it to Mammon. ;) ^_^ <3 It was really cool getting to see full demon Mammon and Ozzie, but it was especially amazing that Ozzie announced he loved Fizz to everyone so that he could no longer be blackmailed by Mammon and so Fizz could be free of that asshole; plus, he already seemed tired of hiding it. ^_^<3<3<3 Although Mammon will definitely come back for revenge on this sweet couple, Fizz and Ozzie get to at least have their peace for now and will face the future of their relationship being outed to all of Hell together. Also, those giant nuzzles from Ozzie are everything to me! ^_^<3<3<3<3<3
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