#it's insane the way they get down i know those girls have 99 problems but they boys of their class AIN'T ONE | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

trickostars · 3 months

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What r your thoughts on each Futuristic Four member 👀👀👀 (i am holding back a flood of excitement i like ur art btw)

WAHHH thank you I am also very excited. I have soo many thoughts. More under the cut

Violet

- I am totally unbiased abt her she totally isn’t my favourite incredibles character. I totally didn’t basically kin her when I was little

- also her speech about like “the government only gives rich people a slap on the wrist and lets them go” like girl the second supers get legalised you work for the government!! your mom works for a billionaire!! Do you know that?

- down to some headcanons. I think she’s very much the voice of reason in the four, between both of the boys being kinda impulsive and penny just eager to do things, someone has to make sure they don’t blow themselves up. She’s the only eldest child amongst the four and it heavily shows, half the time she looks like this:

- that said she isn’t above the mischief they all get up to, she likes being able to relax and not think with reason for a wee bit as long as it doesn’t cause mass destruction. She’s the logical friend but she isn’t like the mom friend or anything like that.

- she’s also the tank which is funny considering she looks like a twig but those shields + two traumatic experiences sure do a lot in terms of fighting skills.

- I also think she involves her life the least in the sphere of the four. she has a decent social life at home and she almost sees the four as an extension of her hero life rather than her personal life, they don’t know anything about tony and have never interacted with dash and Jack jack, maybe one time one of them interacted with her parents but it wasn’t what she wanted. this might cause problems down the line.

- she’s a very musical girlie, I definitely stole this from someone else but her friends like dropping off vintage vinyl in their homes to her since she doesn’t like buying them herself and she’s very much a teenager with music blaring from her room but it’s like. The Beatles or something instead of my chemical romance. until it IS my chemical romance because penny drops off one of her old cd players and you know violet would THRIVE with early y2k pop rock and it only gets better when Wilbur donates his mom and dad’s old cd collections. this ends up with her having insane taste, half franny’s broadway tracks, electro swing and emo phase and half lewis’ lonely island and weezer tracks

- she also very much is an “acts of service” kinda affectionate for her friends. She’s the tallest so she grabs things from high shelves, opens jars, luges things around the lab for Hiro, organises Penny’s stuff for her sometimes, definitely helps organise Wilbur’s space cause it’s a mess etc.

- oh and. idk if you wanted lgbt headcanons but. bi violet. she learns what it from one of the others (probably Hiro considering his friends are a fruit salad) and is like “OHHHH that makes sense.”

Wilbur

- there’s something wrong with him. I fully believe that it is not the future that is Like That but in fact just the Robinsons that are Like That and that becomes more believable when you realise most of the weirder robinsons’ family members were kids, teens and young adults right between y2k and now. They are pretty much eccentric rich people, but like morally good.

- he’s not much of an engineer or inventor like his dad but is actually way more artsy like his mom, but instead of music he likes model making and Lego like stuff. he’s thinking of studying architecture when he’s older though he’s pretty unsure of his path forward in life in general. He’s only a kid.

- in general actually he’s pretty unsure of himself, often dotting back from interest to interest, whim to whim until it doesn’t interest him. 99% sure he has adhd tbh but surprisingly he doesn’t struggle with things like school, but more with his sense of identity, he cannot define himself properly quite often and is constantly driven to find a purpose in life, since both of his parents knew who they were rather early in life and as he gets older this is just a more stressful prospect to him. He is very loud and boisterous to make up for this

- so as can be expected, the adventure that landed him to meet the others was just a whim that stuck. And maybe he feels guilty for that but he’s happy it happened.

- he’s very much the kinda teenager boy who sees himself as invulnerable and he often is the one who creates humiliatingly dangerous scenarios the other three have to save him from. Sadly, none of these saves have halted his own belief in his invulnerability, but instead made him wanna reach greater heights of almost dying. at least he’s pushing his friends’ limits, both power wise and nerve wise.

- I headcanon he didn’t really do school, more like a private tutor, as the youngest in his entire family and only child he very much is the kinda kid who’s best friend is one of his uncles or his cousins. No, he doesn’t let any of the others come around to his, his parents would kill him, does he steal the Time Machine to visit at least one of them at least ONCE a day, of COURSE what ELSE will he do all day??

- to no ones surprise, he’s very much the distraction of the group, a master of distracting people as much as himself so Hiro and violet can GET em. It’s how he makes up for being the one who starts most of the fights.

- definitely organises group dnd sessions that he dms and when he gets bored he sculpts their characters for funsies. he has 10k+ word docs worth of lore.

- speaking of which, loves giving gifts, usually little models and projects he makes.

Hiro

- he is the most social member of the group but it was not his decision, he inherited his brother’s friend group of full grown adults and I’m not entirely sure if he would be socially conscious enough to keep up with the four if not for everyone wanting him to finally have friends his own age. It’s not that he doesn’t like any of his friends, in fact he loves a lot of people pretty easily, it’s just that he gets dragged down in his personal projects so much that he maybe struggles to put in effort a wee bit sometimes.

- he is also the main host for hangouts, in his workshop or the cafe because the other four can poke around too much in his bedroom and he doesn’t really like anyone going near tadashi’s part of the room or messing around with his “order” of things, aka the mess he understands.

- it was priority one after they all become besties that he design supersuits for them, he especially liked the challenge of actually working and amplifying violet’s power while creating abilities for penny and wilbur. for penny he of course included bolt as well, copying a lot of the tech shown in the movie to make them a tag team duo with matching coloured armour while wilbur he just gave green lantern construct thingies. He gave them these as a gift and sadly none of them get a lot of use out of them but they appreciate it none the less and he enjoyed the project A LOT.

- he is also very much a gift giver, he’s not good with words so effort is the best he can show.

- he’s a little bit hypocritical in that if he gets hurt he’s very stubborn with baymax’s attempts to heal him but if ANY of his friends get even a scratch on them he’s pushing Baymax on them like “no no, get that cleaned up. get a bandaid. come on. Don’t fight him about it.” With his arms crossed

- he felt so awkward when he introduced the six to the four. they got along great, besides some lingering awkwardness and Fred’s joking attempt at a rivalry but he couldn’t help but feel like SOMETHING was gonna go wrong at every turn. He was surprised in fact to see them get along so well.

- Hiro often acts as the secondary fighter for them all, most of the time when he’s with them he doesn’t have access to Baymax so he just tries his best with armour and it’s small amount of gear.

- he’s the one who gets talked into doing dumb things for the sake of doing them. He doesn’t have the teenage boy invulnerability of Wilbur, more like the scientific mind that wants to do the most dangerous version of every test on mythbusters. He always has Baymax on stand by, his fatal flaw is just thinking that will always be enough.

- oh and just as a wee add on, I like to imagine him as autistic and aroace. And maybe trans, mostly because the idea of Baymax doing t-shots is fun to me.

Penny

- probably my biggest character change, cause penny is a wee bit nothing in the original movie. Not her choice really but there are things to expand on which I do. I know one of the more common things to do is make penny an actual secret agent like she in her show but I think it’s funnier for her to just be like. a retired child actor who hangs out with a bunch of superheroes and geniuses by accident. She is just a guy.

- But she is a very traumatised guy, between the fire incident and just y’know- being a child star for a semi Disney coded network, she’s got some stuff going on. Mainly breathing problems and some panic attacks. Thankfully, Bolt is a very job-oriented dog so with acting out of the picture, they had him trained up as a therapy animal which of course he does amazingly and diligently. Her mom moving them onto a farm was also very much a part of this, the clean air and work she thought would be good for her.

- She’s just now adjusting to being a more regular child, having acted for a long time, and is on the path back into integrating into school but she has yet to make any friends, especially not her own age. She’s often stuck at home so she’s very welcoming to her friends’ visits to her as it eats up her time.

- Penny’s place is the most common hangout spot for all of them as it’s just her, her mom and the animals and a lot of room to do whatever they want. Penny is always find with them being around and actively makes attempts to keep em around as long as possible so she doesn’t go stir crazy, week long sleepovers in summer and stuff like that.

- She also likes how if she travels to any of their own time period, she doesn’t have to deal with the fear of paparazzi and gossip tabloids and that’s probably why she’d rather travel to San Fransokyo for anything like buying a toothbrush or a snack rather than drive down the road.

- Treats Baymax like a pet quite often, petting him and calling him a good boy just out of habit, the others find it funny but she always gets embarrassed.

- she’s the healer of the group, when Baymax isn’t around, and Bolt acts as an attack dog part time. she gets panicked a lot by seeing her friends hurt so running in with a medkit to clean them up is always her top priority. She hides it well but it stresses her out when hiro and violet aren’t around cause she’s worried they’ll get grievously injured in battle.

- she’s also big on words of affirmation, team hypeman to the extreme. She cares about her friends a whole lot and she will tell them exactly why with no excuse or insecurity allowed. This doesn’t go over well most of the time considering violet and hiro can’t handle compliments and wilbur will soak it in with way too wide a grin.

#ask #futuristic four #the incredibles #violet parr #wilbur robinson #meet the robinsons #hiro hamada #big hero six #penny forrester #bolt 2008 #keep the asks coming!! I can talk about my ideas for ages. I haven’t even gotten into the inter team dynamics that much

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monaut · 5 months

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my problems are nothing in the context of the world but lol i live with 2 j*e r*gan andr*w t*te worshippers and i have lived with them for 2 years straight... it drives me insane not only because they are the two most inconsiderate people of all time (blasting facetime fights on speaker until 6am when i have to wake up for work at 6, randomly coming into my room and turning on the lights to talk to me WHILE I'M SLEEPING, etc) but they are also so incredibly cruel and unempathetic it drives me insane. yesterday my roommate dyed her hair purple for a concert tour she's on and one of the musicians sent her a picture of tr*gglypuff with purple hair and said she looked like a crazy sjw and she thought it was so funny and showed me + the other roommate and they all thought it was so funny. i can't even be bothered to correct her anymore because she never internalizes anything i say and will then loudly complain about my "liberalness" (I AM NOT A L*B!!) to her fiance for hours while i'm trying to sleep lol. what's crazy is that she one of the ONLY people i know in j*pan who is pro p*lestine... but then i found out that she is only that way because j*e r*gan is too -_-

i don't know what the point of this is, i used to complain about my roommates in my diary every day but i stopped because i don't even want to remember how horrible my life has been for the past 2 years because of this. why do other people bother me so much? they drive me insane because i know that the average american is just like them and it makes me so sad that this is the state of our society... maybe i won't be doomer about climate change anymore because at least it means all the people i hate will also die alongside me lol. but it's always people like this who have the most institutional power and will survive the longest...

what bothers me a lot is that i am able to get along with literally anyone i choose to. one on hand it's very handy to be charismatic and i benefit a LOT materially from this but i hate that it's so important to me to be liked. for what lol??? just so i can be internally miserable every day?? but it's true that without my roommate i would never have had 99% of my life experiences so far and she unlocks a world that i could never enter by myself. (she is connected to literally every musician ever + is one of those hot girls who randomly gets invited on all expensive resort trip cruises to mykonos on the spot due to her looks). but i hate that i want that because i should be more true to my morals and just cut contact with all people i deem terrible. but maybe this is just part of growing up and being adult and professional?

every day of my life is just counting down to when my "real life" will start. for me now that is counting down to moving back to amer*ca, then surely after that i will count down to when i can move to new yuck, then after that i will count down to some other new goal i'm sure... why can't i ever just be happy now!!!

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mrs-march-ahs · 3 years

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Kai’s DDLG Reddit Post

For those who don’t use Reddit, r/AITA is a subreddit (like a page) where people post their stories and ask, ‘Am I The Asshole?’. It’s for situations in which a person isn’t sure whether they acted rashly or appropriately. People in the comments say YTA (you’re the asshole) or NTA (not the asshole).

This is a new format, but I can imagine Kai using Reddit a lot, so, now more than ever I really need to know whether you like this or not! I have another one queued for later today!

Summary- After a confusing and painful sexual interaction with his girlfriend, Kai posts to Reddit for advice, and more importantly, in hopes that people will reassure him he’s not abusive. Warnings- Non-con, toxic and manipulative relationship, belting, no safeword, Kai Anderson.

DDLG= Daddy Dom Little Girl

N/S= Name/Surname

Dear AITA subreddit,

I prefer to stay a little anonymous on this website so I will just say that my initials are KA, and my girlfriend’s are N/S. We’ve been in a huge argument recently which mostly stems from our particularly kinky DDLG esque sex life.

It was my girlfriend’s idea, she has always called me Daddy and she suggested that we employ this DDLG structure so I can punish her for bad behaviour, and it is the hottest thing in the world. Although our light-hearted fun was ruined recently.

One of the things that I particularly find unattractive, that I will always punish my girlfriend for, is swearing. So, naturally, when we went out to dinner with our friends and she swore, I gave her a dominant look from across the table to remind her of the unwritten rules of our relationship. Swearing deserves one of the harsher punishments, when talking back to me or taking her ring off may result in me ignoring her for the rest of the day, swearing always deserves a spanking. And without an apology: a belting. But when another swear word left her lips, I assumed that she didn’t get the message. Or, worse, didn’t care for the consequences. I sent her a quick text that simply read ‘Watch your mouth’, but she looked at it and rolled her eyes.

When we got home and started kissing, I reminded her of her earlier misconduct and bend her over our kitchen table. She seemed excited and willing to take the punishment, so I asked her to apologise for misbehaving, but she refused. Now, I wasn’t completely sure whether this was her having an attitude with me or purposely pushing my buttons, but either way it pissed me off. Rather than moving up from a spanking to a belting, I took my belt off and hit her across her ass and she yelped. We don’t have a safe word because we’ve never needed it before. She likes it rough and occasionally has stronger reactions like tears or yells, but it turns me on even more. Which is why I wasn’t particularly alarmed when she started doing both. I kept going and continuously had to push her back down on the table when she started wriggling around and moving. Eventually after a particularly hard belt she jumped up and begged me to stop. I don’t want to hurt her and I’m not an abuser, so I did of course.

We argued for ages when she claimed that I was purposely trying to hurt her and ignoring her so-called “obvious cries”. We argued for ages until she got upset and went to bed, and we didn’t talk at all the next day because we were both mad.

So, this morning she came and apologised for how rash she acted, and I was completely happy to accept and move on, until she suggested a ‘solution’. She wanted us to sit down together and devise a set of rules and appropriate punishments, and also set phrases that would switch us from being our adult selves to our DDLG fun time. I straight away didn’t like the idea because it seemed like it took the spontaneity and fun out of the kink, as well as a way for her to get away with misbehaving. But even though I was willing to listen to her ideas, we severely disagreed on the swearing aspect. She was willing to ‘compromise’ that if during DDLG time she swore she would get punished for it, but I tried to convince her to not swear at all otherwise she’d get punished for it. Honestly, to me it didn’t matter what the other 9 or 19 or 99 rules were, as long as she wouldn’t swear throughout the day, because it is insanely unattractive. We argued again and she claimed that I was being toxic and controlling and stormed off.

I just want my girlfriend to act like a lady and want to find her attractive, which I don’t think is unreasonable at all, but she’s been mad all day. Am I the asshole?

@xxspqcebunsxx YTA- You hit your girlfriend to get your anger out at her doing something that she is perfectly allowed to do as an adult. This DDLG thing isn’t as ‘friendly’ and ‘light-hearted’ as you think. @milly-louise You don’t want set schedules so that your girlfriend constantly acts the way you want her to, because she’s literally scared that you’ll hit her otherwise, YTA. @whiiiiplaaaaash You’re absolutely the asshole, almost of all your problems would have been fixed if you had a safe word. You didn’t make one because you’d rather hurt your girlfriend than hurt your ego. @deademobitch YTA. You want to train your girlfriend to not swear because you personally don’t like it? By purposely pushing her past her limits? She’s not a dog.

#american horror story #ahs #american horror story cult #ahs cult #kai anderson #reddit #kai anderson x #kai anderson x reader #kai anderson imagine #kai anderson smut #ahs smut #american horror story smut #ahs imagine #american horror story imagine #evan peters #evan peters character #aita #subreddit

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maraudersbutmuggle · 3 years

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Peter and love

Content Warning: Fatphobia, Toxic relationships.

Love is fake. It is only for the movies. People are stupid to believe it is. Attraction existed. Sex existed. But only for skinny pretty people.

That was what Peter believed.

His father had promised to love his mother. And yet he left the moment she fell pregnant with Peter.

Peter was an expert in seduction, flirting and sexual attraction. Margaret, his mother, was an excellent teacher. She gave Peter her example.

"Alright, Peteboo. Sit down. I'm gonna tell you how to talk to girls" she said to a 10 year-old Peter. "Or I can also do that with boys, if that's the case. I'm an expert in that too"

All that Peter cared about at ten were chocolate mint cookies and Star Wars.

So Peter knew all the theory.

But he sucked at the practise.

Margaret had the capacity to look at an attractive man in the street, and ten minutes later be talking and laughing with him as if they were good friends. And an hour later, be shagging him.

Margaret changed men like she changed clothes. Frequently and without any problem.

Peter couldn't even talk with a girl.

It was at thirteen that Peter's mum dated Castor. A famous fitness model. Peter observed as he did push-ups at breakfast.

"...97,...98,...aaaarg...99...fuck...100....SHIIIT!!"

Peter turned to look at his mother. And made a face that said "Really? Him?"

"I wouldn't eat that if I were you, lad" Castor gestured to the Cheerios Peter was eating. Peter stared at him and ate more. No bloody wanker was going to tell him what to do.

"Castor, please" Margaret stood up "Coffee, tea?"

"Black coffee no sugar, you're already too sweet"

Peter almost puked. Margaret smiled and left to the kitchen.

"Do you have a girlfriend, lad?"

Peter sighed in frustration. He hated all of his mother's boyfriends. They might be fit, but they were idiots.

"No"

"You're not going to have one if you keep eating that" Castor smirked "Birds like blokes who are fit, with abs and all"

Peter knew that. Those were the blokes that Margaret loved.

"Yeah but idiots" Peter murmured

"What?"

"Nothing Castor"

"My advice" Castor said "Is to cut everything sweet. And do lots of exercise"

"Oh like the exercise you did with my mum last night?"

Castor laughed nervously. "This kid is funny"

But Peter knew that Castor was right. Peter did fantasize about love. Holding hands with someone, maybe kissing. But not like Margaret's boyfriends. Something real.

So Peter set his mind into getting skinnier. He got into a strict diet. And he asked James for help with joggling.

"Oh fucking hell! I'm gonna die..."

But it was really difficult for Peter to exercise without feeling like absolute shit.

"Come on, it's not that bad"

"Fuck you, James" Peter panted "What kind of insane freak loves to run?"

"Are you calling me an insane freak?"

"Arrrrg.... Forget it"

As James and Sirius were obssessed with snogging girls, and sometimes, something else. Peter wanted something bigger. A real deep connection with a girl. He didn't want to end up like his mother.

It wasn't until sixth year that Peter met Susan Rogers.

"Wormtail in position" Peter whispered to his phone. The Marauders were in the middle of a prank "Well I can't bloody speak, Padfoot. I'm the Library... Well fuck, I was using code and you didn't understand"

"Excuse me?"

Peter cursed under his breath, and for a second he thought Madam Pince had caught him. But it wasn't Madame Pince. It was a girl. Ravenclaw. Blond with braces and a bow on her head.

Peter blushed. He didn't usually spoke to girls. Except the ones he knew, like Lily, Marlene and Mary.

"You're blocking my way" she said

"Sorry?"

"The book I want is behind you" she crossed her arms.

"Oh! Sorry..." he moved away "Padfoot I'll call you back..."

"It's not allowed to speak on the phone in the Library, you know... I am prefect and..." she stop out of the sudden, she pointed at Peter's chest "Is that a Chewbacca t-shirt?"

Peter looked down. He was wearing his Chewie as Bigfoot t-shirt under his school uniform.

"Oh yeah... They say Big foot was actually a..."

"Wookie... Our Chewie"

Peter smiled. And the girl did too.

"I've never met a bird who fancies Star Wars"

"Is that a problem?"

"Not at all"

"I'm Susan" she extended her hand "Susan Rogers"

Peter took it "I'm Pet..."

"Peter Pettigrew. I know" Susan nodded "One of The Marauders"

Peter looked down. He had asked several girls out. But mostly everyone asked him if Sirius was single, or James was interested in dating them.

"Most of my friends find them attractive" Susan said "I just think they are twats"

"And my friends..."

Susan ignored him "But you're okay... I think you're cute, Peter"

Peter blushed "Cheers?"

"And you share my love for Chewie"

"Who doesn't love Chewie?"

"We should meet in Hogsmeade" Susan smiled "I have a whole notebook dedicated to Jedis"

"Great!"

"Cool, Peter" Susan kissed his cheek "I'll see you there at eleven next Saturday"

And she left Peter speechless.

Peter fell in love with Susan quickly. She liked to speak a lot, but Peter could hear her speak all day. And the best part was that she fancied him and only him.

She held his hand as they walked through Hogsmeade. She kissed him first. And she didn't even turn to look at Sirius, or James, or Remus.

Susan was the perfect girlfriend. She took care of Peter's health. She reminded him of things. She even made a schedule for him to be more organized.

They took everything slow. Susan loved talking more than snogging. And Peter liked that because they were a mature couple. And they both lost their virginity to each other. And they weren't like wild animals, on top of each other all the time. Peter let Susan prepare a calendar for when they had "their sexy times".

The only problem was that Susan hated The Marauders. And The Marauders didn't quite like her.

"You shouldn't be friends with someone that makes fun of you all the time, Peter" Susan spatted, after Sirius compared them with an old couple of grannies, when Susan took Peter's cigarette away. Even Peter laughed.

"Don't worry" Remus smiled apologetically "Sirius is an asshole. He makes fun of everyone" he pinched Sirius.

"Ouuch, Moony!"

"Yeah Padfoot bad dog" James scolded him "No cookies for you"

"Bad doggo..." Remus added "Go to the corner"

"Wankers" Sirius rolled his eyes

"Dogs cannot talk, bad boy" Peter shook his head.

As The Marauders giggled, Susan rolled her eyes.

"Bloody group of immatures"

"Shit, Wormy. She treats you as if she was your freaking mother" Sirius said when Susan was gone.

"Fuck you, Padfoot" Peter said "Do I insult all your girlfriends?"

"We all do" James nodded

"Even Padfoot insults his girlfriends" Remus laughed. Sirius shrugged.

"Okay what about Evans?" Peter asked defensively.

James turned his head quickly "What about my sweet love?"

"Would you like me to insult her?"

"Don't you dare asshole" James gasped "Nobody insults my Lily"

"Yeah yours" Remus snorted

"I didn't even insult Susan" Sirius said "I was just joking"

Peter smiled and showed him his middle finger "Take this as a joke and suck it... Bad doggo"

Sirius laughed, and kissed Peter's head.

But the thing was that Peter was in love. He truly was. And Susan was in love with him. He didn't want to lose her. Even if she controlled everything he did, or hated his friends. Because who would love him that way? He wasn't Sirius so that girls could be at his feet. He wasn't James that had hope with Lily even if she hated him. And he wasn't Remus who had several girls after him but was too blind to see it.

But enough was enough when Susan made an scandal after The Shrieking Shack Party.

The Marauders were gathering money for Remus' surgery. And Peter wanted to help too. But Susan thought The Marauders were little devils for making the riffle. She forbid Peter from participating. But after the party she wouldn't talk to Peter.

"It's your friends, Peter" Susan explained angrily "You have no idea the damage they've been doing you"

"What damage?"

"Do you honestly think they care about you?" Susan spatted "They don't. Peter you're nothing to them. And you're everything to me"

"My friends care about me. We're family"

"And that's what pisses me off" she snorted "You're too stupid to see it"

"Excuse me?" Peter's eyes filled with tears.

"You'll have to realize Peter" she cried "I loved you completely. I helped you lose weight because you didn't like how you look, even though you were perfect to me. And what have your friends done, ha? Say silly jokes to you, and include you in their immature pranks..."

"What are you saying, Susy?" Peter sniffed

"You'll have to choose between them or me"

"Susy made me choose..." Peter told The Marauders later that day, crying like a kid

"WHAT?" Sirius asked "What a bitch!"

"Sirius..." Remus warned

"What are you gonna do?" James asked concerned "You're a Marauder. You cannot leave us"

"I know..."

"You're our Wormy" Remus said "The Marauders wouldn't be the same without you"

"I love her..." Peter cried

The boys hugged him.

"Sorry, Pete. We love you" Sirius said

"I know" Peter sniffed "Love you too"

"We understand..." James said sadly

"That's why I broke with her and chose you guys"

The Marauders exchanged looks.

"What?" Sirius asked

"I told her to fuck off" Peter explained "Because you're my best friends"

The boys laughed in relief.

"Oh Peter you're so glorious" James kissed his head

"That was so noble..." Remus added

"Bros before hoes" Sirius nodded

"Bros before hoes" Remus smiled

"Bros before hoes" James added "But fuck you, because Lily is not a hoe"

They giggled.

"Bros before hoes" Peter said. And then he cried. The Marauders hugged him again.

"Don't worry, babe" James said "You deserve the best bird. And you will find her. I promise"

#marauders era #muggle au #marauders muggle au #peter pettigrew #james potter #sirius black #remus lupin #bros before hoes

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scarletfokx · 4 years

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Regarding episode 58- Beware, there shall be spoilers!

Okay, so, Peacock and Runyu have a convo where Jinmi overhears them talking and figures out that Runyu knew that Xufeng wasn't her parents murderer before she killed him. Then after peacock leaves and Runyu wants to get some shuteye before the wedding he is confronted by Jinmi who shouts at him in angst.

It was a powerful scene. And extremely...unjustified.

I personally believe that in her mind Jinmi still wanted to escape the blame of everything bad that happened because it all revolved around her, and she obviously didn't want to marry Runyu, hell, she didn't even PRETEND to care about him. She didn't even show friendly affection. The thing is...is what she said fair or true?

I want to point out that it would have been cruel of him to tell her that peacock was the real murderer after she already killed Xufeng, and even if he wanted to tell her he couldn't because she put herself in a coma. He couldn't exact her revenge because even though he denys it and we know he is jealous of Xufeng, he still loved his brother deeply and the damn peacock was the only thing keeping Xufeng alive. I couldn't find the episode before the wedding/murder, so I'm not entirely certain that Runyu DIDN'T know who was behind Jinmi's parents murder, but I doubt he would have let her go through the injustice he had to, that's against everything he stands for and let's face it, he DID fix the heavenly realm and the six realms as best he could after the corrupt ruling of his parents.

I'm posting this because I really need to know what you guys think. I barely sleep at night now and this injustice infuriates me in bed for hours!

Jinmi didn't give him the opportunity to defend himself properly. She even scared him and riled him up with the fear of losing her. He just took her words like whips.

How did he use every inch of her? He didn't marry her, he didn't sleep with her...and as for her accusations of him never loving her and only loving himself...he never loved himself until he met her. He loved her because she taught him to love himself. It was sincere and honest and it never changed. (Love triangle my ass, they never gave Runyu a fighting chance! Xufeng always got seen and acknowledged for his actions but Runyu never did.)

He also genuinely never wanted the throne. He just wanted to give her the best life could offer, in a world fit for someone as pure and innocent as her to live in. He fixed it up and took on all the dirty work and responsibility...

When she accused him of approaching her in the beginning because she was close to Xufeng and using her to spy on him...LIES. I literally (in my obsession for justice) searched all the scenes and annalised them closely up till episode 16 for this, and no, he didn't ever spy on Xufeng intentionally, and he was genuinely interested in her because he liked her, NO OTHER REASON!

And he is smart, but even he didn't suspect that she was related to Water Immortal the day of the empress's birthday. Sure it surprised him, but the hail stone isn't far off from all the other wierd and unexplainable things she did. He didn't he know about his mother yet, or the conspiracy. He eavesdropped on them all after HE helped save her from the empress (no thanks might I add), to learn the truth about her. He didn't plan to use it against her or anything!

As for pretending to not have seen her father...guys and girls, if it got you brownie points when you were behind in the live competition, wouldn't you do the same? It WAS underhanded, but it wasnt a bad thing really. In a way it was cute and showed us how he wanted to impress his in laws, goddamn, he has been teased about the nonexistent fiance for ages and now he finally has her, AND it's the one and only girl that he likes!

Anyone else think that Xufeng SHOULD have stepped down because it was the right thing to do? It WAS the right thing to do. He was willing to leave her when he thought they were related, yet he still left his father with her to show her that his feeling didn't even change! So why should Runyu's have? It doesn't mean he knew anything! And for his brothers sake, his brother who never asked for anything but gave as much as he could to his brother who already had everything, he WOULDN'T step down. WTF?!

Yes there was something between Jinmi and Xufeng already which was ofc, 99% only Xufeng's affection anyway, but this was his brothers promised bride for gods sake! Is it wrong for Runyu to pursue her? It was wrong for Xufeng to pursue her in the mortal realm! And was Runyu wrong for restoring the elixir? No. He did it for selfish reasons, but also for her own health as he always does. Love, even true love, is NEVER entirely selfless. This gave him equal footing to Xufeng to try and win her love.

And for the record, she is the o e who said she liked Runyu, even though he did understand it as the 'friend' way, as he also proved by playing 20 Questions. He never pressured her into staying in the arranged marriage, even when he knew she was trying to get out of it. He really just wanted her to be happy.

Runyu didn't need her fathers help to fight Xufeng, he needed his help to overthrow his parents and to stop the tyranny. Her father was already wanting to exact justice for Jinmi's mother, so they had similar interests. Didn't Runyu's mother deserve justice? I get how she abused her son, and to me it will forever be unforgivable, however by that point she was already driven into insanity.

The beast of dreams part was also a low blow. It's one of the few things that actually belong to him and he gave it to her in a sincere gesture way before anything terrible happened. Sure maybe he could have been using it to watch over her, but hello, he was protecting her!

I have no doubt that he believed that Jinmi would go against Xufeng for him, but I doubt he expected THAT outcome. The way she screams that she only loved Xufeng...his heart...you can just see it shattering!

And hello again, he IS the most innocent, kindest person around there who doesn't even expect praise for anything he does! Xufeng shows off while Runyu hides away. I doubt he ever wanted the entire world to adore and respect him :'D I mean...does she know him at all?!

Can you really tell me he wasn't sincere when he professed his love to her? <\3 Can you imagine the hurt he felt seeing her and Xufeng having sex in the dream? By then they all knew she was Runyu's fiance, and even worse, Jinmi couldn't love or show romantic love so Xufeng ALSO manipulated her into feeling and doing what he wanted. There are no two-ways, that is a damned fact. Runyu knew he had no place staking a claim or getting revenge for something that still wasn't his yet so HE DIDN'T! Even when she spied on Xufeng in the demon realm and kept getting into trouble, he kept saving her again and again, more times than Xufeng, and yet he asked for nothing. She he hurt him by saying she 'owe's him' OUCH! He gave her half his life!

(Somebody You Loved is totally his song btw!)

I feel that Runyu is like a heartbroken husband who knows his wife is having an affair with his own brother but because he loves them both he just continues being good and hoping with all his heart that she will open her eyes and realise that he is the right person for her, not Xufeng. I can imagine a man laying alone in bed and being grateful that his wife still came home to sleep. That's how much its synchronizes.

He then bore his heart open for her to see and told her the things that mattered to him and she told him he didn't deserve to be loved...O.M.G. Okay, so, I won't lie...I'm a crier. I cry easy. But this had me bawling like an infant because both sides were just so...I'M STILL DYING INSIDE! He wasn't even lying about giving up being the emperor! He really meant it. <\3

How desperate he was made it so much worse. He made some wrong choices in life, who hasn't? She killed an innocent man for a crime he didn't commit, and yet...

Runyu believed that she would understand and learn to live him in time. She could have. He knew the self hate was killing her inside so he even told her to hate him. <\3 All he wanted was to love and protect her. And then she dropped his heart scale like it was nothing. NOTHING. O.M.G!<\3

And when he said 'In the future, if we get married you might not be treated fairly. Would you mind?' He meant that she would be treated the way he was which was horribly! She didn't mind then, so where did that faith go?

His memories at the end scene...just so sad. I think I got an eyelash in my eye. He brokenly picked up his scale. Despite how she hurt him he won't regret it because he did it all for her.

After she died and the flowers all disappeared, including the one in his hand...it was heartbreaking. That's all he had left of her. At the end when he sits on the throne alone and in the dark,(except for his aid and the beast of dreams), he doesn't even resent her a tiny bit, but he has everything except the one he tried to get it all for. That's just...they really did him wrong.

My problem is that (and I started a fanfic that I'm too muddleheaded to continue atm) I can't get over this injustice. I'm one of those people who really just can't take it. In all of two weeks I watched Novoland S1and2, Ashes of Love, and The Eternal Live S1and2, and through all that, this scene sticks out worst of all of the injustices. Not even Tingjun's cruel fate.

Am I the only one who see's Runyu like this? Tell me what you think, I need someone to sooth my poor mind!

#ashes of love #runyu #run yu #xu feng #jin mi #cdrama #fan theories #fan theory #theories #theory #chinese drama

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janiedean · 4 years

Note

now I'm curious what Heidegger did if you're open to elaborating :P

I am always open to rant on heidegger *rubs hands* THEREFORE I SHALL NOW GO ABOUT IT:

now, problem #1: heidegger is SADLY seen as like THE BIGGEST GENIUS GAMECHANGER OF THE 20TH CENTURY, THE BEST, HE CHANGED EVERYYYTHIIING blah blah blah, to which I say: BULLSHIT

and now we go on to the fact that THE FUCKER DIDN’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT HE WAS SAYING BUT WROTE EVERYTHING IN SUCH A WAY THAT IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND IT IF YOU DIDN’T BREAK YOUR HEAD OVER IT *and* on top of that his mantra was saying that you weren’t a true philosopher if people could understand what you were saying’, which means that since everyone things he’s a genius WHAT HAPPENED SINCE THEN WAS THAT EVERYONE STARTED WRITING STUFF PUTTING IT IN A WAY THAT THE AVERAGE PERSON WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND and I hate it because that’s how the category got the fame of ‘ah those people thinking about thin air and expressing themselves without making people understand’ WHICH IS NOT TRUE THAT’S NOT WHAT PHILOSOPHY IS ABOUT

when I say the fucker had no clue, I mean that literally he wrote this essay in the thirties then twenty years later he writes a letter to someone else about it and says ‘I RE-READ IT AND I THOUGHT I PUT A BIT TOO MUCH MEAT ON THE FIRE’ translation for I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK I WAS WRITING

which also adds up with the fact that the moment you actually understand something and dig in deeper in his bullshit you find out IT ACTUALLY MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE/DOESN’T HOLD UP AND I HATE IT

I shall now give you TWO examples of that before I move on to the stuff that also made him a literal piece of shit under all senses

now, the essay above was a complete fucking lsd trip about how you could understand the essence of the world THROUGH ART which was a complete mess but like at some point he goes around ranting about this van gogh painting with two farmer’s shoes. heidegger is all there like SO SINCE THESE SHOES BELONG TO THE FARMER/HIS LANDLADY WHO ALSO WAS A *FARMER* YOU CAN SEE THE DIRECT LINE TO THE EARTH and a whole load of other bullshit that hinged on THE SHOES BELONGING TO A FARMER/A POOR PERSON right, so yours truly goes like ‘hey you know what I’m just gonna go read up on that painting so I can bullshit the exam if needed’, I go look that shit up and THE FIRST THING WIKIPEDIA SAID WAS THAT THE SHOES BELONGED TO VAN GOGH AND ANY CRAP ART HISTORIAN AT THEIR BEGINNING OF CAREER WILL KNOW THAT so why??? why??? that makes your entire dumb point FALL DOWN, WHY?????

other essay: heidegger decides to teach us all that THROUGH POETRY YOU CAN SEE WHAT LANGUAGE IS MADE OF, which you say okay fine, he’s gonna use more than one poet to prove his point, right? NO, he goes for german poet friederich hölderlin and nO ONE ELSE, and like you could already argue that if you’re discussing LANGUAGE using *one* poet just from your mother tongue is kind of stupid but nvm that, in the middle of the usual nonsense he goes like OH BECAUSE SINCE HIS POETRY WAS THAT GOOD/DEEP/WHATEVER HE COULD SEE THE TRUTH OF LANGUAGE™ THROUGH IT AND THAT MADE HIM GO INSANE, except that if you know anything about the dude’s life it’s pretty obvious that okay he had a bad mental breakdown at some point but the signs started being seen after his sweetheart died so like......... THAT WAS NOT ABOUT THE POETRY™ IT WAS ABOUT THE FACT THAT THIS POOR GUY ALREADY WAS MOST LIKELY SCHIZOPHRENIC AND THE GIRL’S DEATH MADE IT WORSE like it’s not a mystery so why

and that is just TWO things you can possibly grasp but like being and time is all like that about I’M EXPLAINING YOU THE MEANING OF EXISTENCE and honestly fuck that noise

now you’ll say okay that looks like this dude conned half of the world into thinking he was good but what’s the rest of it bc your vehement hatred of him can’t just be that

WELL POINT IS THE DUDE WAS A DAMN CERTIFIED NAZIST™ WHO WAS ALSO A HYPOCRITE TO BOOT AND I HATE HIS ASS TO DEATH

now we can start with the fact that he was a pupil of other important philosopher™ edmund husserl of whose work I’m not a fan but who personally I have nothing against, now this dude already planned to leave him his position but WAIT HE WAS JEWISH, what happens when hitler comes to power? he gets laid off ofc and heidegger SAYS NOTHING AND TAKES HIS PLACE AND REMOVED THE DEDICATION TO HIS FORMER MENTOR FROM THE 1941 EDITION OF BEING AND TIME and basically he never said or did shit against the regime and imvho it’s obvious reading his works that he... bought into it, but wait more on that later

on top of that the fact that he was supporting the regime/not doing anything against it and having affairs with his students two of which had jewish ancestry/were jewish JUST FUCKING IRKS ME because while I’m not gonna bitch about the affairs since he and his wife most likely had some... agreement bc his second son was from her lover not his but he recognized him anyway and he had affairs all around I suppose that was fine, but WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE A PROFESSOR AND YOU FUCK YOUR STUDENTS? IDC THAT HALF OF ACADEMIA DOES IT YOU’RE STILL A PIG ffs

ANYWAY like the thing is that since everyone thinks he’s A GODDAMNED GENIUS (my ass) EVERYONE HAS CONSEQUENTLY IGNORED THAT HE SUPPORTED THE GODDAMNED REGIME EVEN IF JUST AFTER THE WAR HE WAS SIDE-EYED FOR THAT never mind that in some goddamne other essay from the 50s he compared concentration camps to industrialized agriculture and ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS, and like NO ONE ACTUALLY SAYS HEY YOU NEED TO STUDY THIS ASSHOLE BC HE’S IMPORTANT FOR CONTEMPORARY PHILOSOPHY BUT KEEP IN MIND THE NAZISM IS STRONG which would be honest naaaaah most people in academia used to pretend he just collaborated and the likes -

until someone published his private diaries a few years ago when it was obvious he was supporting the regime and suddenly 80% of academia was like:

BECAUSE OF COURSE HOW COULD SUCH A GENIUS HAVE AGREED WITH HITLER WELL he did fuck off

and you’ll say okay but why does it piss you off so much? IT DOES BECAUSE THEN I HAD TO SIT THROUGH LECTURES OF PEOPLE BITCHING ABOUT ANCIENT GREEK PHILOSOPHERS BEING MISOGYNISTS WHEN IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THEIR THEORIES AND I WOULDN’T HAVE PRESUMED AN ANCIENT GREEK DUDE WOULD KNOW BETTER while I’d presume someone in nazi germany with a brain functioning would have known better and could have known better, but NO WE’RE IGNORING THAT BECAUSE WE CAN’T ADMIT THAT OUR PRECIOUS GENIUS WHO ALSO IS IMVHO NOT WAS A GODDAMNED HITLER SUPPORTER

AND I HATE THE WHOLE HYPOCRISY OF IT like please I don’t mind studying people’s work when I hate their ideology but I hate people pretending it wasn’t like that just because it would make the dude look bad yeah guess what idc also because 99% of what he said was bullshit anyway

tldr: the asshole was an unrepentant nazi supporter who didn’t really change that much after the war, 90% of his writings is incomprehensible and what’s comprehensible is basically ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME and on top of that he’s the reason why all contemporary philosophers can’t talk in understandable terms by the layman if you pay them to AND why everyone thinks we’re a bunch of stuck-up fucks who spend their time thinking about nothing and I really fucking hate that asshole’s guts and if there was ONE overrated person in the history of philosophy it was this piece of shit and that’s 100% of the reasons why I avoid contemporary philosophers like the plague if I can afford it :)

thanks this was my ted talk I hope you enjoyed it ;) ;)

#janie rants #martin heidegger for ts #philosophy for ts #from the bottom of my heart FUCK THIS ASSHOLE #ciaran #ask post

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yuvon-writes-letters · 3 years

Note

To Yu,

Your hacker is in on the case!! [There’s a shit-ton of messily drawn emojis, mostly in relation to celebration]

See, I told you he would’ve helped you in the end, his heart’s too golden to just not (or maybe not, idk, my hacker’s just like that)

Anyways, addressing bullet points.

I can’t say much about this one, since I’ve been messaging since the beginning. It would def help if there were more people, but we can’t guarantee that they’ll respond either way, we’ll just have to wait and see.

Asking my hacker about using his name, would require me to tell him about this as well. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ready to do it, I just don’t exactly know how to phrase it, without sounding bat-shit insane. “Hey dude, just checking in, mind if I tell some other-dimensional version of me who’s working on the same case your name? Totally cool if you don’t want to tho :DDD” So, before I do tell him, I just, need some help with wording.

It’s the same for me, at least. Five days since I first received the letter, and already my desk is stacked with your letters too. This actually gave me the opportunity to finally try out the glass pen that I bought out of impulse (and never used since the first day), I’m a little rusty, and the handwriting’s messy, but it look’s so pretty, and the glass pen totally fits the book-worm aesthetic.

Also, one final thing, just wanted to say hi to your hacker! [there’s more drawn emojis, specifically a hand, and a smiling face] Also, no problem, honestly. Pushing people to do what’s right is basic human decency.

Best wishes, Rai

P.S: I love my nickname, I will keep this nickname until I die, everyone is legally required to use it or I will sue them [There’s one final doodle, a little mini-comic, with a stick-man saying “friendship ended with Rainer, Rai’s my new best friend now.”]

(There's a simple border sketched around the edges of the letter. It looks a little like a strand of DNA, but without the bars between the two twisting lines. It looks like it was done in pencil and gone over with pen.)

Rai,

You know, I never thought to draw out emojis before XD Though, I'm more of an emoticon girl anyhow.

Yeah, honestly, I'm mostly glad he took it as well as he did. I knew he'd help me, but I was sort of worried about the steps between telling him and him helping me. There was a lot that could've gone really wrong. It's probably good I didn't wait TOO long to tell him.

Returning to the bullet points...

Yeah. I haven't gotten any letters from anyone else yet... maybe these are ending up in their junk mail pile. I'm sure the eldritch entity running all this is very happy about that XD

Pff— well, honestly, I didn't think about that, and I don't think my hacker did either. That or he expected me to handle it. Let's see. The only good way I can think of, just off the top of my head, is asking him to suspend disbelief, and then sending pictures of the important bits of our letters; ESPECIALLY the parts where we confirmed each other's identities XD I feel like if you'd told him any other way, he'd probably still want to know everything that was going on with this, because you're involved with it and in a weird way he is too. Then again you could just be vague and ask if you can use his name when writing a letter to a friend, but it sounds like you want to tell him about all of this.

Well, at least we don't have to deal with time shenanigans. If magical time bullshit turned out to be involved in this too, I was going to legitimately scream. And the calligraphy's lovely, don't worry! Now I feel jealous sitting here with my plain old pencil and ballpoint pen, ahaha.

I sent him a picture of you saying hi, he says hi back. He even used a smiley. I think he likes you because you talked sense into me XD

I'm glad you like your nickname, because I'm not too creative with nicknames. I definitely like mine too. It feels a bit weird to get a nickname, because I already go by my nickname 99% of the time in person, so people don't usually bother to give me another. I'm not sure the group even knows the name they use is my nickname and not my birth name...

Hey, do you think we could trick the MWAF into saying "Rainer" instead of "Rai" and then sue him? Then we can take all his money before sending him to prison XD

Update on the tree situation: there are (we think) two types of trees around. My hacker's still working on one of them, but with the power of Google he found out that the others are elder trees. I've seen them before, but I didn't know what they were called. I think there's one or two in some park nearish my house outside of all this mess. They're sort of short, 10-15 feet or so in American terms, and the branches start low down. They're kinda easy to climb, at least at the base and if you stick near the trunk, but the branches go nearly vertical after that. The elder trees mostly block my view further into the woods, but there are much taller trees, maybe on average 40ft tall or so (I'm bad at estimating :( ) which is what I climbed way back in the beginning to look around.

Uh, you know what, I should probably convert those measures into the metric system, just for non-Americans' convenience. Gimme a sec to remember the conversion rate... right. The elder trees are 3-5 meters, the others are somewhere around 12m or so.

Good luck making Hacker.exe crash with the realization that there are parallel universes and the supernatural exists!

—Yuvon / Yu

(When you’re done reading, the letter tucks itself into the paper clip with the others.)

#duskwood letter game #yuvon writes letters #duskwood #duskwood game #duskwood everbyte #rai

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ktheist · 5 years

Text

maybe, maybe

a series of coincidental meet-ups lead to an unlikely relationship between two people.

characters: smiley jeon jungkook word count. 4.8k genre: college au / slice of life au

It couldn’t have gotten any cornier than this.

A girl bawling her eyes out on the bench in the dark, letting out sobs that may or may not be the cause of the park being named ‘weeping willow’. There isn’t a willow tree and though Harry Potter is an evergreen series that lives on in every millennial, that is not the reason for the park to be named that. It’s a place where people - girls, boys and non-binaries alike - go to bawl their eyes out because assignments and exams are taking up college students’ time so much so most, if not all, doesn’t have the time to socialize.

Tonight, you are one of those weeping college students.

You don’t need to worry about it being weird. It’s an established fact that if anyone heard someone crying while passing the park, they would go on with their life. Not everyone likes to be comforted, especially not by a stranger and though yes it’s a good gesture but it really is unnecessary. Most people who came here just want to bawl their eyes out and trudge back to the library and continue their work.

So yes, you’re 99% sure no one was going to look at you as though you’re insane even though the bench you’re sitting on is right by the walkway. Nobody’s passed here for the last five minutes, you think you might be able to get another five in and be done with it.

But as it turns out, for a reason only known to the cosmos, someone asked, “Um, excuse me?”

At first, you think you’re imagining it but after thirty-seconds, you look up with puffy red eyes and possibly some snot running down your nose. You suck it back in.

“Y-yes?”

He’s quite good-looking but that may be because the closest lamp post is three feet away and it’s situated right behind him, hence the rather attractive shadow cast over his face. At the present though, you’re fuddled by him smiling at getting your attention as though help has come.

“Hi, I’m here to send some stuff to my sister but I’m a little lost, could you maybe point me in the right direction to Alpha Pie?”

“Phi. Alpha Phi.” You stare him dead in the eye, uninterested, as though you’ve been cut off just before a good orgasm because the guy didn’t know a girl’s anatomy.

He echoes the words correctly this time with a smile you didn’t think could get brighter but it did. Standing up and wiping the tears (and ugh, you really did have snot on your face) off, you gesture for him to follow you.

The campus is lit by the same kind of dim lamp post that accompanied you awhile back while you bawled away. Some students passed you by and you can somewhat understand the hollow look in their eyes and silently acknowledge the mutual feeling of being tired and wanting to go back and lay on your comfortable bed.

“So, you live on campus?” He breaks the silence with - now that you’re actually looking at him - a dimpled smile.

“Sometimes,” you answer shortly, not giving any indication to elaborate further - whoever his sister is, you can only hope she’s not crying her eyes out in her room because of assignment season.

Other times you spend your nights at McDonald's or some bar that opens till 6.

Silence sets in again and though it may not be wholly comfortable but it’s preferred - by you at least. But it’s short lived, it seems as you hear another question come from him.

“Any reason why you were crying just now?” The corners of his lips are curled cutely and he’s looking at you as though he’s asking to make small talk which he possibly is and don’t really care about the reason.

You don’t really mind either as you shrug, eyes still puffy but you’re halfway to looking like you didn’t just cry at the Weeping Willow.

“The usual. Assignments, datelines. We’re here.”

He seems to be satisfied with the answer and the both of you seem to have arrived in front of the sorority-looking building with the alphabets ‘Alpha Phi’ written proudly on top of the entrance.

“Thanks, I couldn’t have found it myself now I’m five minutes early from the time we bet I would show up.”

You don’t particularly care.

“No problem.”

And with that, you wave a hand as in to dismiss the fact that he’d taken up the 5 minutes you could have gotten to continue crying.

You almost forgot you helped a stranger find his way when you met the aforementioned stranger again as you walk out of the wooden doors of Alpha Phi. He’s donned in a crisp white button down with the cuffs of the sleeves rolled up to just below his elbow and his hands in his pockets.

“Hi, we meet again.”

It takes you half a minute to register who he is and you’re surprised he remembers your face what with the baggy clothes and unkempt hair the other day. Not to say that you’re looking any better today but your eyes are lined and winged and your lips are glossed - that’s as far as you’re willing to go to look presentable during the daylight.

“Yeah and I’m assuming you manage to find your way without bothering a crying soul this time - I hope.”

He laughs, the dimples more prominent in the light and you confirm your suspicions that he wasn’t good-looking because there was not much lighting that night - he really is, simply, good-looking.

“You live here.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement - an affirmation to his question from last time.

“Sometimes.” The corners of your own lips upturn as you repeat your previous answer.

“About the other day -”

You wave a dismissive hand, this time really meaning it when you say, “Don’t mention it.”

“No, I was about to ask you to coffee but you left so fast and I was worried I’d get lost again if I went after you and you happen to turn my advances down. Where else would I get a guide?”

That manages to make you smile wider. Alright so he’s chill.

“What makes you think I won’t turn you down right now?”

He shrugs and only then do you realize how his sleeves wrap around his arms nicely.

“Maybe in the light I look less like a creep?”

“Maybe.” You echo though he looked nothing like a creep then and he looks less than a creep now, “but I’m good.”

The tiniest stretch of his smile tells you he’s surprised but he keeps it on and nods.

“I understand. Have a good day.”

“You too.”

That day, you go to class with the same amount of concentration and determination to pass and graduate. You’re in your third year and third years either make you or break you - as what the people a year above you have said.

“I hardly think this is a coincidence anymore.” At this point you can recognize the playfulness in the tone and you whirl around to see the same man whose offer for coffee you turned down.

“I’m meeting a friend,” it all comes together quite easily and you wiggle your hand in front of him with the same level of playfulness in his tone, “Sooyoung is your sister.”

The second year isn’t as close to you as she is to your roommate, Seulgi, but on one fine night when you just got back and she was hanging around in your room, she had implored you to go to this coffee shop which chocolate chip cookies - as she claims - are to-die-for. It’s not as odd anymore why Seulgi had plans and couldn’t accompany her and she sent you the address instead of going with you since you’re both going the same direction from the same sorority.

He whisks past you and places an order before turning to you, inclining for you to place your own order. You do and it turns out the place doesn’t sell cookies and it’s actually famous for its muffins.

“I hope everything’s well.” Though his tone is light as the night you thought he was making small talks when he asked why you were crying alone, you realize now that it’s genuine concern.

He’s just that type of nice guy that gets his sister into getting her best friend’s roommate into go to a coffee shop just because he wants to make sure you’re okay.

“Really, when you saw me, I just had a lot and needed to let it out. It’s not that deep but I appreciate you checking up on me.”

His eyes twinkle a bit as he takes his first sip of Americano, “it’s not easy - it’s gonna take a lot of tears but you’ll get through it someday.”

Raising an eyebrow, you scrutinize him through your lashes with a twitch of your own, “I might be wrong but did you really not know your way or did you just not want me to be crying alone but also didn’t want to look sympathetic so you asked for directions.”

“I really was loss.”

Not that you care so much so you lean back against the chair and take your first bite out of chocolate chip muffin.

Jeon Jungkook. He told you his name and you subtly noted that Sooyoung’s family name rhymes with mark but they could be half-siblings or step-siblings. If the two occasions (including this one) of meeting him in button downs and black or navy blue pants didn’t tell you, then he’s telling you now that he’s working for a company. From the looks of it, he seems like he’s able to come and leave anytime he wants but you can’t.

It’s not disappointment that crosses his face but it’s the kind of smile that looks like he knows you’re going to up and leave, if not the moment you see him, then half an hour into enjoying your coffees.

“Student council, director of the magazine club. I understand.”

“What else did Sooyoung tell you about me?” You raise an eyebrow, this time genuinely curious about what a stranger - maybe he qualifies as an acquaintance now - knows about you that you haven’t told him.

“She didn’t tell me, I saw your picture on the board when I was heading to Prof. Kim’s office.”

Judging from where Prof. Kim’s office is and his possible connection to the aforementioned professor, you squint your eyes, curiosity piquing by the second.

“You went to Yonsei?”

The wink he gives is uncalled for and paired with that cute smile, is a deadly combination. You almost want to sit in this coffee shop longer with him just to know more - enough to satisfy the curious cat within you before you erase him from your memories because you really can’t afford to get distracted right now.

“I’ll tell you if you agree to go to dinner with me.”

Though he’s a tad more cute and a little bit interesting than the men you’ve been on coffee dates with - back in your freshman days, now you barely have time to sleep - the fascination ends here. If you were going to fall for dimples and smiles, you would have been with Professor Kim’s son, Namjoon by now.

“Some other time then.”

“Meaning never.”

You almost look like you’re caught off guard but you mimic his curled lips and wonder if all the smiles that got your heart melting each time was a facade but coming from a man who looked at you like you were a person instead of a wreck back at the park, you somehow believe that his smiles are sincere, though sometimes they look sad.

“Here’s my number.” You hand over the poorly scribbled handwriting of a napkin to him and for once, wrote the digits correctly without intentional amendments.

He takes it between his index and middle fingers, waving it in the air as though he’s saying he accepts the treaty.

On the way to the group meeting - the essential reason you couldn’t stay long - you curse yourself out for leaving with a ‘see you later’ instead of a - as he mentioned - ‘maybe never.’

“Someone’s calling.” Namjoon nudges your elbow and true enough, the screen lights up and vibrates with a sequence of unfamiliar numbers which may not be of grave importance at the moment unless if Namjoon brought it to your attention because it’s distracting him from studying.

You have a tendency to not pick up unknown calls which to this day have proven to be equally advantageous and disadvantageous but you never learn.

“I almost thought you gave me the wrong number.”

There’s this urge to smile at the playfulness of the voice.

“Why would I?”

He lets out a short laugh as though not believing it completely but whether he places his trust on you or not is not particularly your concern. His omission to answer clearly says he and you share the same understanding of why people give fake numbers but it’s pointless to talk about that.

“Where are you now?”

“Studying.”

As though he expected the generic answer or perhaps maybe it’s just a conversation starter to get to his next point, you will never know.

“Come out. I’m at the bench from that night.”

Though odd and rather unlikely for him to be there right at this moment, you tread down the walkway, more curious than excited if he’s telling the truth of his whereabouts.

You don’t know why you thought he was lying at the first place but it would be a lie if you say you’re not surprised to see that familiar flock of dark brown hair on the same bench you spent bawling your eyes out two weeks ago. He waves at you when he sees you and pulls out a paper bag that’s been on his side to sit between the two of you.

“What is this?” You ask even though you have a sneaky suspicion already.

“Stusket. Study basket. Except it’s in a bag.”

The pride in his eyes when he mentions the first word is overly adorable so you opt to pay more attention to the items inside the bag instead of that smile. The bag comes in two hot Americano, a muffin, a bundle of colored pens, energy bars and a neck pillow which surprisingly fits all that.

“I was buying one for Sooyoung but I figured I should get two. Another one for you.”

You’re a little disappointed that you’re just an add on but it’s only a given that his someone as familiar as family comes first. You don’t know when you even started caring.

“I appreciate this but are you setting me up to fail because there’s no way I can stay awake with this.” You laugh as you put on the neck pillow and note how it’s the softest suede you’ve ever touched and also the fluffiest.

He shrugs, the sleeves fitting as nicely as usual around his arms and you realize his pink lips turn into a skin-colored hue under the lamp post.

“But really, thank you.” You say and you really mean it.

He waves a hand in the air in a familiar fashion which is confirmed to be yours as he echoes the words you once said to him, “don’t mention it.”

“What’s that?” Namjoon eyes the bag with an arched brow, wondering how you went out with only a ringing phone in your hand and came back with a bag.

It doesn’t take much for him to know what’s in the bag and who it’s for.

“Someone gave me a stusket. Study basket. Except it’s in a bag.” You echo Jungkook’s exact words and recall the twinkle in his eyes.

“I never knew you got a boyfriend.” Namjoon emphasizes on the last word but there’s something in his tone that sounds like an insult - just because you were busy doesn’t mean you couldn’t find a potential love interest even though that is completely and 100% true. And Jungkook isn’t a boyfriend -

“He’s Sooyoung’s brother.” That somehow doesn’t sit right, “A friend.”

Now, that doesn’t help at all and if there’s anything Kim Namjoon is good at, it’s reaffirming your words which more often than not manage to make it sound more ridiculous as you try to elaborate.

“You’re friends with your roommate’s best friend’s brother?”

This time, you really can’t say anything else because you are nowhere close to your roommate’s best friend let alone join any functions with her that would require for her brother to be there with her. But the facts are there and what are you if not friends?

“Yes.”

“____, my brother texted me to tell you he wants to see you.” Sooyoung bursts into your room at midnight in her yellow duckling pajamas and a sheet mask, you almost didn’t recognize her from the frequency of people walking around in sheet masks and printed pajamas if not for the mention of a certain brother.

“Why doesn’t he text me?” You check your phone, eyebrows almost knitted together at the absence of any text from him.

“There’s this thing called knocking.” Seulgi throws her alpaca plushie and Sooyoung surprisingly manages to catch it.

“I don’t know girl, but get your ass down there before one of the sis notices I’m up here in your room and not talking to my brother!” Are Sooyoung’s last words before she throws herself at Seulgi despite the latter’s desperate protest.

You slip a cardigan on before closing the door on the two girls who are starting a pillow fight on Seulgi’s bed with your pillow as Sooyoung’s weapon.

That dimpled almost has you skipping like a little girl.

You shoot him the same question you did with his sister as you gesture for him to follow you and away from the sorority. Before you get far, the hood covering part of your head pools at the back of your neck and a grinning Jungkook is standing just a few inches behind you, no doubt the culprit.

“Are you ashamed to be seen with me?”

“I just prefer to have my hood on.”

He sees through your lies and chuckles - whether he knows the exact reason for you reluctance to be seen with the same man more than once on campus besides your usual set of friends, you’re not sure.

Though you love the sisterhood you share between the girls of the sorority, you can’t deny that there are ears ready to eavesdrop and it’s never good when someone outside of your circle knows about anything especially if it concerns you and a boy. All this time, it’s established that you feel absolutely nothing for the male specimens that often become the talk of the house. If they knew - God help the overboard ‘support’ your sisters are more than willing to give you.

“How was your day?”

“Good.”

There’s a familiar silence that’s more comfortable than whatever it was the first time you walked him to the house.

“I was scared to text you. You might not come.”

He says out of the blue and so out of character, you have to pause and look at him to make sure he even said anything in the first place. His gaze is already on you and you can’t help but take a moment to digest that someone as composed as Jungkook would have fears and because of you for that matter.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

This time, there’s no tricks or games. The answer might have been obvious but it isn’t for you and the corners of Jungkook’s lips curls as he nods to himself as though he’s coming to terms with himself and realizing there was nothing to be afraid of.

“I get nervous texting the girl I like.”

Jungkook has texted you three days later and asked you if you were free Thursday night and you have no choice but to turn him down. Not that you want to but most of your days are planned out and are subject to your timetable. Though, this type of ‘no’ hasn’t let you sit well through out the day.

If you would be a little be more honest, you daresay you want to see him.

“Why didn’t you say yes?!” Seulgi cries and you have to toss a pillow on her face to remind her to lower her voice in case anyone hears.

You thank the universe that Sooyoung likes to keep to herself which is why you get along with her even though you don’t share her passion for cute bras, cats and male phallus - a quirky combination but you’re not about to kink shame. Seulgi on the other hand knows what to say and what to keep from people’s business - the two of them together makes an unlikely friendship which if you look closer, seems just right.

“You know I’m too busy for boys.”

Seulgi throws you a look which warrants an eye roll. You already know what she’s about to say.

“He’s not a boy, he’s a man.”

You’re not going to admit the significant difference between the two categories because 1) you’re not going to give her any room for more innuendos and 2) you’re not ready to face Jungkook after nodding and responding ‘cool’ to his confession.

Then your phone vibrates.

For a solid 5 second, you and Seulgi are at a stare off before she leaps across the five feet gap between your bed and hers - and in an attempt to shield yourself from a human cannon ball, you try to roll off the bed but alas, the human crashes right into you.

You take a moment to register whether any bones have been dislocated before reaching for your phone which is too late by the way. The damage has been done and as you know it, the blue text on your part has already agreed for another day which is Saturday.

For a moment, you debated correcting your statement by telling him the truth but when his smile flashes at the back of your head, and you decide against cancelling the plan.

“You’re choosing a guy over finishing up a paper you need to submit two days from now.” Namjoon states in-a-matter-of-factly.

“Chill, I got like two days more.”

You almost squirm under his scrutiny because he’s the one person who’s been with you through your lowest, been your pillar of strength and sanity when you need a word of advice. The one week he wasn’t here, you almost lost your mind which was the reason you ended up breaking down at the park.

So if there’s anyone who knows you would be freaking out because the date line is nearing, it’s Kim Namjoon, your childhood friend slash study buddy who doesn’t even need to study but waved a dismissive hand at you when you told him he didn’t need to accompany you at the library till it closes almost every night.

“5 years from now, are you going to regret not going on a dinner with some guy or handing in a possibly imperfect paper which you could have perfected and bump your A to an A+ if you didn’t go to the dinner with the guy?”

The paper isn’t written yet but you’re halfway into your research and you can finish up with the important points later after dinner assuming it ends before 10 and your journey would only take about an hour or so to get back. Apparently, it’s transparent that you don’t want the dinner to end early which before you know it, you’ve already gotten the answer to Namjoon’s question.

He shakes his head and packs up his things. You thought he was disappointed at you enough to ignore your presence altogether but he looks at you again and you find yourself holding your breath.

But he doesn’t say anything and you watch as he leaves the library. In that moment, everything comes crashing in - your life plans, your college goals. None of them includes Jungkook but if his inclusion means the distraction of your goals, then, Jeon Jungkook is just an insignificant part of your life.

You stop in front of the diner so sure that you value your friendship with Namjoon more than a man you known within just two months. With that, you send Jungkook a text that you’re outside. He struts out in a matching navy blue tuxedo with a black button down underneath, that cute smile on full display. His eyebrows arch when he sees you in an over-sized sweater, shorts and this time, kept hair. You pride would be scarred if you showed up any less presentable than this but you’re here for one reason and that’s to properly tell him you’re not going to entertain him anymore.

“You’re here.” He comes to a stop in front of you but just when he was about to gesture for you to go inside, you speak first.

“Here is fine.”

He accepts your decision with a nod, hands pocketed as though ready for what you’re about to say.

“Did something happen along the way?”

“No, nothing happened.”

The look of relief on his face makes it harder to stand your ground. Showing up severely under dressed to a five star restaurant is already disrespectful as it is but he’s more worried that something might have happened to you that warrants you unable to don a suitable dress for a dinner.

“You must be hungry, let’s sit and talk. At least have some water.” He adds when you’re about to protest.

With the last part, you relent and the dimple smile carves its way to his lips as though your compliance is enough for him.

He places two identical orders and dismisses the other as his extra plate but it would be embarrassing to have two sets of servings for himself. When the food does come, he doesn’t even touch it. In fact, his eyes never left you as though your presence is more appealing than a medium rare steak prepared by a Michelin chef.

“How was your day?”

“Good.” You shrug.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

If the dimple wasn’t enough, you start to wonder if his eyes have always crinkled when he smiles.

“I can’t stay.”

“You never seem to be able to.”

For a split second, his lips are set in a thin line but then he smiles but it’s not the same smile you’ve been receiving until now. It’s the kind of smile that makes you want to take back your hostility and swallow your pride but you wouldn’t be you if you did that so instead you swallowed the water the waiter set aside for you.

“I have assignments to finish and exams to prepare for. I have to go.”

He stands up a second later than you, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

“I’ll send you back, let me settle the bill first.”

The cosmos must have hated you from the moment since you were born and it’s all unraveling right now as you yearningly take a last look at the untouched steak and how much of a waste it was because the extra platter was just a facade because Jeon Jungkook was too nice to let you watch him eat or let you stand outside in the cold while you two talked.

“There’s really no need to send me back, I can walk. The campus is really close.”

He thwarts your last ditch attempt to leave with, “I have something to pass to Sooyoung too. My car’s in the workshop so I’ll walk with you.”

“You just said you were going to send me back which implies you have a car. So it just suddenly transferred itself to a workshop?” You eye him suspiciously and without any effort to hide it, he chuckles, head dropping.

“Yes, if you believe in magic.”

You don’t expect him to entertain questions to an obvious answer the way he always didn’t. It only adds to the feebleness of the whole situation. So you opt to walk in silence and struggle to either remain a step in front or behind from him. If he notices your diligence, he doesn’t mention it until you’re at the Weeping Willow and his fingers suddenly wrap around your wrist.

He takes a step closer and another until you’re only a hair’s breadth away. You’re staring at his eyes and he’s looking at your lips. Just before he kisses you, he pauses and meets your gaze but this time he catches your lingering stare on his lips.

“If you say no now, I’ll leave and I won’t ever show up in your life but if there’s a smidgen of chance that you’re acting like this because you’re not good with handling emotions -”

So you kiss him.

You kiss him with all and every emotion that you have, the butterflies, the zoo, the anxiety, the fear and the excitement.

note: woooo so first fic after years of not writing, i’m a little rusty and i just finished this in one sitting. i have the most fun writing this, but my apologies for the errors and typos - i shamefully admit to not rereading this because i just want to quickly finish this and get it out there hahahah

credit goes to: before we get married drama (go watch, it tests your principles, and the characters all have their shortcomings which balances out the story line - but please for those who have watch the whole series don’t give spoilers i’m only on my 5th ep!)

and blackpink reference yooo :D

#jeon jungkook #networkbangtan #jungkook x reader #jungkook scenarios #bts x reader #bts scenario #jungkook fanfic #bts fanfic #jungkook x you #bts x you #jungkook fluff #bts fluff #jungkook scenario #jungkook imagines #bts imagines

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weaselbeaselpants · 4 years

Text

The virgin Hazbin vs. The Chad Helluva

((hey is the “virgin vs. CHAD” meme associated with alt right or anything iffy guys I’m kinda worried it is. PM me please))

This is long. Also read my earlier post for context.

Earlier this month I was chatting it up with a friend about how Viv gets heat for her material stuff while other purposefully “edgy” or “problematic” writers get a pass. The convo made me realize another important note about why I prefer Helluva to Hazbin and that’s it’s approach to it’s own themes and humor:

There’s a spectrum of pure shock/schlock humor to biting, meaningful satire. South Park, Drawn Together, Panty and Stocking and anything by Brandon Rogers is on the schlock end. Bojack Horseman, King of the Hill and Aggretsuko are on the black-comedy-satire end. In the middle are Rick and Morty, Kill la Kill and Venture Bros, where the humor can be either basic and cruel or strive for something more.

The schlockiest of schlock still have their followings who are in on humor that’s, first and foremost, out to get under your skin and even makes fun of them. When these works are “progressive” it’s usually just through sheer representation of a minority, and if they DO strive for a message, it’s little more than a much needed hot-take pointing out how stupid something is. South Park in it’s prime was ESPECIALLY good at the former.

Another interesting about these properties? The characters aren’t really that complex. They ARE strawmen! They are stereotypes! They ARE awful people. But either through the sheer audacity of the situation or how much the plot involves them, you somehow end up caring for these miserable, one-note people.

Viv’s humor fares more on this basic “schlockynottooseriousparody/comedy”-side of things, but Helluva Boss does this better than Hazbin.

Helluva Boss -both the actual pilot and it’s promotional material- doesn’t make any promises for any “deeper” character development. None of these demons at I.M.P are good people. None of them are SUPPOSED to be good people - they are literally demons who were never human and know nothing but absolute sin.

((yes, I know this sounds similar to the “they’re in hell” non-argument. My point is not that this defense is foolproof, but that it works better in the context of Helluva vs. Hazbin. It’s a world building quirk, even though I’m not 100% sure Viv and her audience are in on the joke))

It makes their weird bits of NOTawfulness more funny because what business do they have being polite about their work or having any emotional connection to each other(Moxxie and Millie)? But they do! Blitzo is weird, even for a demon, but again he IS ONE, so his breaking into his coworkers house is just “annoying” to Moxxie and Millie rather than, you know, stalking which is absolutely what that is <--- it’s a bit of comedy that, to me, tells you what you need to know about these demons and what somehow is and isn’t good to them, which is to say: it varies!

((The one MASSIVE exception to this is Stolas who is 100% predatory and it’s played for laughs. Beejesus no. Get owl boy out here. ))

Different series use their mythical creatures to different affect. In Satina the joke is that this demon-antichrist really is more of a little girl with a looser dad w. the version of hell being a send up to classic, even basic depictions of demons in media. Helluva’s different, with the Hell in that world being more of a ritzy, scummy city where everyone’s a dick to everyone else, and that’s fine. Even the joke in the beginning where the imps interview one of their clients tells you all you need to know about why this guy is in Hell, how he doesn’t get the point, and what the humor and tone of the short is striving for. I guess that’s why I’m just not offended by them using the R word, Blitzo laughing at the homeless (which is more of a joke on Blitzo, I thought), or the child murder. It felt oddly in character for these awful little creatures.

Helluva knows what it is and what it wants to be. While it’s fans and creators still take it too seriously, it really doesn’t set out to do much.

Hazbin has 99 problems and good world-building aint one. What IS one of those 99 problems - just as if not more than the lackluster storytelling or world building - is it’s attitude towards the subject matter.

Hazbin wants to have it’s cake and eat it too, but it isn’t properly established and the creators/fanbase already overemphasis how our cast ‘isn’t ALL bad; deep down’ and how they’re ‘complicated’. It gets me mad when people claim Angel IS GOOD representation because I just ‘don’t know the whole story yet’.

-You’re right! I don’t. Stop building it up because as I’ve said before what we have at the moment is what we 100% get. I can’t criticize what I don’t know but I can criticize what I do know.

And what I know about it is Viv tends to promote her brand as being representive of LGBT+ people. Her fans and her act as though her works are actually a total net-positive ‘guyz we’re just being edgythey’reinhellandit’sapilotsoit’sfreefromcriticismanywayletswritefanfictionforaserieswedon’tactuallyknowyet.’

If Viv and her brand didn’t promo Hazbin as being deeper than it actually is/NEEDS TO BE at the time of this production in the storytelling - well THAT would axe a lot of the bad criticism right there. For all the discourse in the She-Ra and SU fandoms about what is and isn’t good representation, the showrunners of those cartoons don’t aim to stereotype + hit for the lowest common denominator while also insisting that their show is actually woke and ya’ll “just don’t get it.”

((As an aside, if you are any of the following: gay, crossdresser, sex worker, undead spider demon-whatever, and you DO find Angel Dust empowering. GREAT! AWESOME. MORE POWER TO YOU.

But just because you aren’t offended by it and it was made with good intentions does NOT give it a pass < that’s the point I’m trying to make. ftm even with the explaination of the infamous ‘Charcoal’ design in SU, black people still have the right to be offended))

Remember the episode of Family Guy where Quagmire’s dad transitioned? It was Family Guy so no matter what it was gonna fumble the message, BUT what made things 100000x worse was Seth McFarlane promoting the episode as something the Trans community would really like.

It’s one thing to be ignorant or trying -and failing- to make a difference. It’s another to be arrogant about it.

If you are gonna go all schlock-humor I think it’s best to take the lead of Bltzo’s voice actor, Brandon Rogers. He makes A LOT of sacrifices for the most insanely-purposefully-offensive jokes that straddle between making fun of everyone or just rustlin some jimmies. Dude’s the modern John Waters.

He also doesn’t promote himself as a gay icon. He just is gay and what helps a lot of his characters is that he’s often making fun of gay stereotypes by giving them character or making homophobes the butt of the joke. Brandon doesn’t act like a net-positive. It’s when you hear him in interviews that you know he’s genuine and know he’s not a threat.

And it’s why I don’t have the same expectations I have for his work that I do for Vivs; Vivs works are often telling me how I should feel. ((ftm it’s also why Brandon’s approach to writing, comedy and potentially deeper elements are better than Doug Walker’s or Sam Fennah’s attempts to make awful people “moving”))

.....hey is there anyway we could give Viv’s shows to Brandon cause I would love a Brandon-Rogers-flavored Hazbin/permanent Helluva!

---

TL:DR: If Hazbin had established itself like Helluva with it’s cast just being unlikable, nothing else you needed to know about them, it could have then PROBABLY have worked it’s way up to being like Venture Bros or Rick and Morty in it’s activism. As is, it’ still only “progressive” in a hypothetical sense, and I’m sorry but that hurts it’s credibility as a joke and a thought piece, which or whatever it wants to be...

#hazbin hotel critical #hazbin critical #critical hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel #helluva boss #brandon rogers

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bakugosbitch · 5 years

Text

List of Prompts

A/N: If you say “prompts” enough times out loud, it starts to sound like an onomatopoeia.

Send me a character, one or more prompts and let’s fucking do this, son.

FLUFF:

1. “I’m not letting you sleep on the floor, get up here.”

2. “I am so unbelievably in love with you.”

3. “Hug me.”

4. “You’re special to me.”

5. “I’m going to keep you safe.”

6. “Do you trust me?”

7. “Can I kiss you right now?”

8. “You’re cute when you’re angry.”

9. “I’ve liked you for a while now.”

10. “Come cuddle me.”

11. “You’re my person.”

12. “We’d make such a cute couple.”

13. “I want to protect you.”

14. “Are you flirting with me?”

15. “Shut up and kiss me already.”

16. “Is that my shirt?”

17. “You could tell me you’re a murderer and I’d probably still love you.”

18. “You’re so beautiful.”

19. “Princess?”

20. “Stop being so cute.”

21. “Are you blushing?”

22. “This is why I fell in love with you.”

23. “That’s my girl.”

24. “You smell really nice.”

25. “I-I think I like you.” “But like why?”

26. “Would it be okay if I borrowed your sweatshirt? It smells like you…”

27. “You’re way comfier than a pillow.”

28. “Don’t be shy.”

29. “I’ll always be here for you.”

30. “I think I’m in love with you…”

31. “It’s okay, I couldn’t sleep either.”

32. “If you keep kissing my face like that I’ll have to retaliate.”

33. “I like the way your hand fits in mine.”

34. “No, like…. It’s just, I can’t believe you’re actually wearing my clothes.”

35. “It was love at first sight for me.”

36. “Can I hold your hand?”

37. “You’re cute when you’re all flustered.”

38. “You look so comfy, and cuddle-able.” “That’s not a word.”

39. “Stop it! I can’t think straight when you look at me like that!”

40. “C’mon, we’re going to bed.”

41. “C’mere, I’ll keep you warm.”

42. “Don’t give me the puppy dog face. How am I supposed to say no to that?”

43. “You’re the perfect height for me to rest my chin on your head.”

44. “Stay here tonight.”

45. “Apparently they all have a bet going that we’ll end up together.”

ANGST:

46. “When were you going to tell me?”

47. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

48. “That’s…a lot of blood.”

49. “Can you walk?”

50. “Please don’t lie to me.”

51. “I though you were leaving.”

52. “I need you.”

53. “I don’t need you.”

54. “I’m not going anywhere without you.”

55. “Shh, it’s okay. It was just a dream.”

56. “There was nothing more you could have done.”

57. “It wasn’t your fault.”

58. “This is all my fault.”

59. “You’re not acting like yourself.”

60. “I’m never going to let you hurt me again.”

61. “Get out.”

62. “You made your choice!”

63. “Don’t ever do that again.”

64. “Go to hell.”

65. “Please don’t cry.”

66. “You have to stay awake.”

67. “I wish I could just take the pain away.”

68. “You could have died!”

69. “Hey – stay with me.”

70. “It’ll be over soon.”

71. “Did you ever love me?”

72. “I’m sorry. I just can’t do this anymore.”

73. “Fuck you.”

74. “You passed out.”

75. “How much have you had to drink?”

76. “It’s okay. I’m fine.”

77. “It’s not okay! You’re not fine!”

78. “Let me get you something for the pain.”

79. “It’s nothing. It’s just a bruise.”

80. “It’s clearly not nothing.”

81. “Have you been to the doctor?”

82. “I didn’t mean it.”

83. “I thought I meant something to you.”

84. “People who are okay don’t act like this.”

85. “You don’t have to go through this by yourself.”

86. “I don’t want you to be alone.”

87. “Have you been crying?”

88. “You should get some rest.”

89. “When was the last time you ate something?”

90. “I’m worried about you.”

91. “Did you have another nightmare?”

92. “[Name], there’s nobody there.”

93. “I want to be happy but I don’t think I deserve it.”

94. “Please talk to me.”

95. "You can’t just shut me out!”

96. "This isn’t going to solve your problems.”

97. “Don’t leave me.”

98. "You did this to yourself.”

99. “It breaks my heart to see you like this.”

100. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

101. “Tell me how to fix this.”

102. “Why don’t you care?”

103. “Get the fuck away from me.”

104. “Please don’t do this.”

105. “You… you lied to me?”

106. “You obviously can’t be trusted to take care of yourself, so let me do it for you.”

107. “It feels like I’m slowly going insane.”

108. “Just… stay for the night.”

109. “You can’t die! I won’t let you!”

110. “Just hang on, okay?”

111. “Hold my hand if you need to.”

112. “I’m sorry.”

113. “Why do you have a gun?”

114. “Don’t panic.”

115. “Just breathe.”

116. “You’re bleeding.”

117. “You’ve been crying, I can tell.”

118. “You should have told me sooner.”

119. “I wanted to tell you in person.”

120. “A phone call would’ve been nice.”

121. “I hate you.”

122. “I still love you.”

SMUT:

123. “Try to stay quiet, little one. Can you do that for daddy?”

124. “Spread those legs, princess. I want to feel how wet I made you.”

125. “You can add another finger. I can take it.”

126. “Strip.”

127. “Begging already? That was fast.”

128. “Lay back and touch yourself, babygirl. Daddy wants to watch.”

129. “You want to do this right now? Even though we could get caught?”

130. “You’re so responsive today.”

131. “Do you want to continue this in the shower?”

132. “You look so beautiful tied up to my bed like this.”

133. “I want you to be rough with me.”

134. “Say my name.” “Louder.”

135. “You say you want it now, but your body seems to like it when I tease you.”

136. “Call me ‘Sir’ when we’re alone like this.”

137. “No, I’m the one that’s supposed to be making you feel good,”

138. “Don’t stop! Whatever you do, please don’t stop!”

139. “You moaning is like music to my ears.”

140. “They say blindfolds heighten your senses, maybe that’s why you’re whimpering louder than usual.”

141. “That’s it, let it all go.”

142. “Sorry, did that hurt?” “No, I’m just a little sore from last night.”

143. “I want to hear you beg for it.”

144. “I’m not wearing any panties.”

145. “I want to kiss every inch of your body before I fuck you.”

146. “Mine.”

147. “That’s my girl. You’re doing so well, princess.”

148. “Your pussy tastes so sweet.”

149. “I can’t wait until we’re alone. There are so many things I want to do to you right now.”

150. “Bite me.” “Where?”

151. “Were you just touching yourself and moaning my name?”

152. “Can’t walk, huh? Did I fuck you too hard?”

153. “You look so pretty when you cum.”

154. “You better shut that pretty little mouth of yours before I fuck it.”

155. “You know the rules, sweetheart. Bend over.”

156. “Show Daddy how you like to be touched, little one.”

157. “…f-faster”

158. “Why don’t I make that little dream of yours a reality?”

YANDERE:

159. “I did this out of love, I’m doing this out of love.”

160. “Go on. I want to hear you say it.”

161. “Pretend you never saw that. I hate seeing you look so scared.”

162. “Don’t think of this as a punishment, love. Think of this as a lesson.”

163. “Look, this is for the best. You don’t understand now, but you will.”

164. “You don’t mean that.”

165. “Just give it a little time! You’ll get used to this, I know you will.”

166. “Let me see that pretty smile.”

167. “Did you miss me? Because I really missed you.”

168. “No one else makes me feel this way! I can’t lose that!”

169. “You’re so pretty, all tied up like this.”

170. “Stop yelling! You don’t know what you’re saying!”

171. “Just forget about them, alright? I know it’s going to be hard, but you can’tthink about them anymore.”

172. “This is your mess. It’s only right that you thank me for cleaning it up.”

173. “I’m the only thing keeping you safe from a filthy, disgusting world.”

174. “This’ll make us closer, I promise. Just hold still.”

175. “You’re so cute, begging like anything could get you out of this.”

176. “You could rip my heart from my chest, and I’d still adore you.”

177. “All I want is you. All I’ve ever wanted was you.”

178. “Our love comes first. Everything else is secondary.”

179. “I don’t like violence, angel. Please don’t make me use it.”

180. “I soundproofed the walls and everything, isn’t that romantic?”

181. “You’re trying to make me jealous, stop it.”

COMICAL:

182. “All I do is drink coffee and say bad words.”

183. “Quit touching me, your hands are cold!”

184. “Hey, do you wanna do me a favor?” “I do not.”

185. “You scared me!” “Well, I am naturally terrifying.”

186. “On a scale from one to ten, how bad do you think it would be if-” “At least twenty.”

187. “Hm. Murder wasn’t on today’s agenda.” “It’s not on anyone’s.” “No, it’s on mine. Just not until next Tuesday.”

188. “Can I pet your dog?” “Do I know you?”

189. “I thought you said you knew where we were going?” “Well obviously I lied.”

190. “If I die, I’m haunting you forever.” “But-” “FOREVER.”

191. “You’re my heater, come warm me up.”

192. “What on earth are you wearing?”

193. “Are you seriously stuck right now?” “Well don’t just stand there! Help me!”

194. “Stop being grumpy, it’s bumming me out.”

195. “Oh my god are you hitting on me?”

196. “So I uh… I locked the keys in the car.”

197. “Are you telling me that I’ve been watering a fake plant this whole time?”

198. “What’s our escape plan?” “Our what?” “Oh my god we’re all going to die.”

199. “Are you high?”

200. “Is that your cat in a onesie?” “Uh… no?”

201. “Can we please stop running? I think I’m dying.”

202. “You come here often?” “Well, I work here. So yeah.”

203. “Put me down!”

204. “I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” “And I’m trying to subtly avoid it!”

205. “Could you go and be stupid somewhere that’s away from me?”

206. “Well this is awkward.”

207. “Aren’t we supposed to be working?” “Your point?”

208. “Give me attention.”

209. “YOU SAID TO BE HONEST STOP HITTING ME!”

210. “I’m too sober for this.” “You don’t even drink.” “Maybe I should start.”

#writing prompt #prompt list #anime #fanfic #smut #fluff #angst #yandere #comical

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im-not-corrupted · 4 years

Text

Safi, No (A Witchlands Fanfiction) - Chapter Nine

Written with @un-empressed, who wrote Aeduan’s POV!

Chapter Summary:

The group chat is a mess. Iseult and Aeduan end up talking a bit more.

Also on Ao3!

Aeduan was doing a great job of ignoring his phone. He could tolerate it lighting up every now and then, signalling a message from the insane group chat he decided to ignore.

It was going very well until Iseult called him. He didn't know it was her at first. She probably got his number from the group. It was weird, but Aeduan found he didn't really mind.

"Stop them," Iseult said as soon as he answered the call. Aeduan didn't even need to ask who 'they' were at this point.

"What are they doing now? Is somebody trying to bribe and corrupt people again?"

"Well, yes, but they want - Just read the messages. You'll see what they want," she said. Aeduan went to respond, but the call was already done. Aeduan shook his head to himself. Out of all groups he could've gotten himself involved with...

Aeduan opened the group chat and scrolled up to the beginning. Apparently Vaness's friend joined the group chat. Aeduan couldn't believe how well this whole thing was working for such a petty cause. Merik Nihar had better watch out.

Aeduan rolled his eyes as he read the first few messages. They weren't that bad, but since Safi sent them, they were... Well, what she considered hilarious, and everyone else considered over the top. Still, Aeduan had to admit how she referred to everyone in the group was sort of funny, if the slightest bit offensive.

But who wouldn't laugh? She kept referring to Iseult as her favourite partner in crime, and called Stix a 'traitor, but tbh I get it, imagine being loyal to Merik'.

Aeduan himself was 'Polly's moody friend who tolerates only Iz'. It was the truth, really, but something about the way it was phrased made Aeduan uneasy. And after all, he did 'tolerate' Vaness as well. She was unwillingly thrown into the whole mess, after all.

It was harmless, considering what Safi was capable of doing. Aeduan wondered why Iseult called him, but as he continued reading, he understood.

Iseult: Seriously? Nobody minds the nicknames?

Aeduan most decidedly minded his, but looking at the time stamp of the message, he was twelve minutes late.

Stix: Not really. Get me 'Traitor' on a jacket and I'd wear it

Safi: Oooooh! That's a great idea! We should all get jackets! Does anyone know someone willing to make us jackets?

Lev: I have this theory that Caden can sew

Aeduan snorted out loud. He hoped Caden couldn't sew, though. Safi was definitely not above getting them jackets.

Safi: I'm intrigued. Continue

Caden: It's been months! Just let it go already! I genuinely don't remember where I got the shirt!

Lev: suuuuuureeee

Safi: No, but this is perfect. We need some kind of motto for our group

Vivia: I thought Bribery and Corruption was the motto?

Stix: No, that's the name and main policy

Vaness: You are all insufferable

Aeduan had to agree with Vaness on that. They were all worse than the last. He wouldn't be surprised if Vaness's friend chickened out after a week. He certainly wouldn't blame her.

Safi: Thanks

Safi: Does anybody have suggestions for the motto?

Lev: "This guy's not even worth digging a hole"

Zander: We aren't using that one

Stix: I've got 99 problems and at least 73 were created by Merik Nihar

Safi: And the other 28?

Iseult: *26

Safi: Oh well forgive me for not being a math magician

Safi: So?

Stix: I am literally half blind

Safi: ?

Stix: Nearsighted

Vaness: Then why don't you wear glasses? It must be hard to get around with bad vision

Stix: First of all, glasses would ruin my whole aesthetic. Second of all, I'll have you know I have at least a mediocre vision and that I do not deserve to be made fun of like that

Vaness: I fail at feeling even remotely apologetic for insulting your eyesight

Safi: You could've just said "fuck you too" but okay

Aeduan rolled his eyes. He really didn't want to keep reading, but he did regardless.

Safi: Do we get them personalised for each of us or should they all say the same thing?

Iseult: Saf, we are not getting jackets

Safi: But Iz!!! It's what the people want!!

Vaness: It is absolutely not

Stix: I mean, it kind of is

Lev: It definitely is

Safi: See?

Iseult: I do, unfortunately

Safi: Why are you so negative?

Aeduan could list a few reasons why. The first few were perhaps a bit rude and subjective, but he didn't really care anymore.

Iseult: Maybe because you're setting up a plot to get revenge on someone who only kind of unintentionally wronged you?

Vivia: Knowing him, it was definitely intentional

Safi: See???

Iseult: Still, you don't even know him.

Vivia: Lucky her

Stix: Amen

Aeduan had never talked to Merik, but surely that many people couldn't all be exaggerating the same thing on the same level. Or maybe Leopold paid them to, just to mess with Aeduan. He was certainly both rich and insane enough.

They were all amazing actors if that was the case. Aeduan was genuinely afraid of Safi making him wear a personalised bribery and corruption jacket. He was really, really afraid.

Safi: I found a good website for ordering custom clothes

Iseult: No

Safi: Yes

Vaness: Safi, No

Safi: Safi yes

Stix: Safi definitely

Caden: Safi maybe? Depends on how the jackets look

Iseult: We are not getting jackets

Vivia: I mean, if they're subtle enough I wouldn't be opposed to it

Vaness: I thought you were sensible

Stix: She is. Those were words of a sane woman if I've ever heard some

Safi: See? My revenge plan is a great opportunity to make friends

Zander: That sounds almost like a commercial

Stix: "Break Merik's leg and you get the satisfaction of breaking Merik's leg"

Safi: 9 out of 10 doctors don't recommend it but that's what makes it fun

Iseult: Why would one doctor recommend it??

Caden: Because Safi bribed and corrupted him.

[x]

"You're a monster," she told Safi once again. 'You're a monster' was the only accurate way to describe her friend these days, even if Iseult said it with fondness.

Safi grinned and winked at her. "Thanks."

"And you're insufferable."

"Again. Thanks."

Safi confused her when she did things like that - when she took everything as a compliment, even when they certainly weren't intended as a compliment. There wasn't much of a difference to Safi, though, and Iseult had to admire her confidence.

Safi sat at the edge of her bed, staring down at her phone with a glint in her eyes that Iseult recognised and did not trust. "Who else could be bribe and corrupt?" She asked Iseult, who rolled her eyes.

"I already told you, I'm not taking part in the revenge plan. And that means I'm not helping you decide who to bribe and corrupt next." Iseult shook her head. Really, how many times did she have to repeat herself? It was beginning to get annoying, though she would never say that.

Safi pouted. "Oh, come on. Please?"

"No."

"Wait!" Safi grinned again. "What about that Ryber girl? Or Ryber's friend, Tanzi? They're friends with Merik. It could work to our advantage."

"No, it will not work to our advantage," Iseult stated matter-of-factly. "Do you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because they're Merik's friends."

"Stix was Merik's friend, and she was more than eager to join," Safi pointed out.

Iseult rolled her eyes. It was an action she caught herself doing often around Safi. "Stix wasn't his friend."

"Then why did she sit with him?"

"For her actual friend, Kullen, who happened to be friends with Merik." She sighed. "Didn't you listen to a thing Stix said earlier?"

Safi stared into the distance for a second before shrugging. "Apparently not. To be fair, I was making a mental list of who else to bribe and corrupt."

"Don't you have enough people in on the revenge plan?"

Her friend stared at Iseult in horror. "Iseult, darling, there is never 'enough people' when it comes to making Merik's life hell."

"I'm just saying," Iseult replied, raising her hand in mock-surrender. "It will be a whole lot easier for someone - for Merik - to find out about your plan if you 'bribe and corrupt' more people."

Despite having a very good point, Iseult's words weren't actually paid any attention. No, instead of listening to the voice of reason, Safi was grinning down at her phone, typing something quickly. At first, Iseult thought that maybe Safi had decided who she wanted to bribe or corrupt next, but when Safi looked up from her phone and Iseult's didn't show any notifications from the group chat, she quickly changed her mind.

"Iseult," Safi began in a sing-song voice. It was a tone of voice that would've sounded innocent if it wasn't coming from Safi.

She sighed. "Yes?"

"Leopold wants to discuss strategy at the ice cream place."

Iseult snorted. "'Discuss strategy'? We aren't fighting a war, Saf."

Her friend glared at her. "This is war, Iseult. Merik is a plague upon this earth. War is the only way to rid of him."

"Okay then," Iseult nodded along, giving up. Safi was clearly set in her ways.

"Good," Safi nodded. "Now, are you in? Aeduan will be there."

Iseult was going to say 'yes' anyway, but the promise of Aeduan being there made it sound somewhat more appealing. She shrugged. "Sure."

Iseult was an idiot. That was the only thing she could think as she sat opposite Aeduan in total silence - the same state they had been in for the last ten minutes.

To be fair, Safi made it very easy to trust her. Too easy. She had walked to the ice cream place with Iseult, waiting for Leopold and Aeduan to arrive. But before they did, Safi claimed she needed the toilet and disappeared, leaving Iseult there alone.

Until Leopold had arrived with a very unhappy-looking Aeduan in tow. They talked for a bit, not long, when she received a text from Safi. Sorry, had to head home. You guys have fun! ;)

Iseult hadn't thought anything of it until Leopold stood from his seat, a mask of innocence plastered on his face as he said, "Oh, sorry, I'm needed...elsewhere? Yeah, elsewhere. See you tomorrow!"

That's when it dawned on Iseult. Leopold's mask of innocence did not discuss the mischief in his eyes.

Leopold and Safi had set them up.

That's how her and Aeduan ended up in this predicament - sat opposite each other, with no idea what to say. All their interactions so far had been focused on the revenge plan, so now that they weren't forced into talking about it, they didn't know just what to talk about.

"Is Safi late?" Aeduan asked her. It sounded like a genuine question, and that was almost enough to make Iseult bang her head on the table in front of her.

Apparently, it hadn't quite dawned on Aeduan yet.

Iseult rolled her eyes. "No, she just had to head home."

Aeduan nodded, though he looked confused. "Okay then. Do you want some ice cream? I'll get it for us."

"Sure thing. Might as well since we're here," she answered with a slight shrug, relieved that they were no longer stuck in silence.

Aeduan didn't move. "What flavour?"

"Oh, yeah." She forgot flavours were a thing. "Strawberry, please?"

"Sure." Aeduan left to get their ice cream, leaving her alone, though not for long. He came back a few minutes later, two ice cream cones in hand - two scoops of strawberry for her, and mint-chocolate-chip for him.

"Thanks," she said, taking the cone from him.

"No problem," he replied, and took a bite of his ice cream.

Iseult stared at him in horror. "You just - did you just bite into your ice cream?"

"Yes?" He answered, though it sounded more like a question in his confusion.

"How the fucking hell? Didn't it hurt your teeth?" She took a lick of her own as Aeduan's confusion only intensified.

"Uh, no?"

"You alien."

He laughed slightly. "So, what should we talk about?"

Iseult shrugged. "Literally anything would do."

"Okay." He took another bite, an action that still baffled her, and seemed to consider his question carefully. "Let's start with something easy. How did you and Safi become friends? You two seem like polar opposites."

"What can I say? Opposites attract, or whatever people say." She shrugged, licking her ice cream again. "We've been friends since we were kids. Some kids were picking on me - I don't really remember it now - and Safi stood up for me. We've been friends ever since."

"She sounds like a good friend," Aeduan replied.

"She is. I'd ask about you and Leopold, but I already know the story behind that one." She laughed a little, and he smiled a little.

"Yeah, I don't feel like going through the many questions there," he joked, taking another bite. He surveyed the rest of the room - there were few people there, and it was very quiet. "Hey, do you want to get out of here?"

She contemplated that for a second, then shrugged. What was the harm? If he turned out to be a serial killer and murdered her, Safi was to blame for the not-so-subtle set up. "Okay."

Read the next chapter here: Chapter Ten

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sprinkledonion-blog · 5 years

Text

Another real long “I don’t like Bumbleby” post (Part 1)

So this one was a long time coming. I kept postponing it, polishing it, making it look the nicest I could, but it’s finally here. And it’s quite long. Let’s just, uh, start.

The first thing I wanna say is, I watched RWBY without interacting with the FNDM, just at the start of this year. I didn’t know what Bumbleby was, nor its impact in the overall FNDM. I was blissfully unaware of what was going on, so I dived in with a clean, open mind.

First impressions and development (or the lack thereof)

I didn’t think about Bumbleby. For those who know me, I ship characters VERY easily and I don’t really care if it’s a gay, het, lesbian ship, I can and I WILL ship them. I shipped Ruby and Penny like crazy. Ruby and Emerald made my heart jump. Jaune and Ren looked insanely cute together, and Sun and Weiss had very nice potential. And in V2, in the Burning the Candle episode, when Yang had a heartfelt conversation with Blake, and hugged her, I was like “oh?”. It was the first time I had seen Yang this vulnerable, and while I really ignored her through the first volume, this scene made me realize she was more than it meets the eye. And she chose to be vulnerable… with Blake. Oh?

Then Blacksun happened. Oh.

I didn’t like Blacksun. I still don’t like it. It’s predictable and boring for my tastes. But it has a privilege Bumbleby doesn’t: development.

I will never understand this choice. Barb said it was planned from the beginning. The question is, then: why didn’t y’all spend time developing Bumbleby? Bees will tell me it was developed, but I’ll suggest y’all to take off your rose-colored glasses and revise those interactions. I totally understand the warm, fuzzy feeling when your ship talk, even look at each other (my ships are 99% rareships so I take what I can get), but deep down you know reality isn’t like that. I’ve seen the 40-minute essay about Bumbleby; yes, you can attribute to every interaction a romantic feeling, but I can do the exact same with Jaune and Ren, and fans will roll their eyes at me and tell me it isn’t like that. The only remotely romantic interaction was the whole Burning the Candle episode. It was a nice episode.

“But Onion”, y’all will say, “are you going to ignore V3 onwards? The plot completely ties Blake and Yang together”. Same as Blake and Sun. Yes, Yang lost an arm for Blake, and yes, she feels betrayed and everything, but… why should I think it’s romantic? Blacksun is being developed at the same time, following common romance tropes that apply to the rest of canon ships, so why should I think it’s any different? Yang could have lost an arm for Weiss and I have no doubt she’d have felt the same. (I also think Weiss would have called her and checked on her every day, until Yang even heard her in dreams.)

That brings me to my second point. Let’s trust Barb, it was planned from the beginning. Then what was Blacksun supposed to be? “It makes the point that romantic relationships don’t always work and sometimes it’s better to stay as friends.” Valid point, but… Blake? Sun? Why did you keep at it? Blake, why did you kiss him on the cheek? That’s misleading, for the audience I mean (Sun already knows the script). When I friendzoned guys, and when the girls I know friendzoned guys, absolutely none of them kissed the dude on the cheek. The most they did was give a pat on the back or shoulder. Let me know if it’s an American thing to kiss guys you friendzone, because maybe it’s the cultural barrier that keeps me from understanding “yes, they’re friends and nothing more!”.

And yes, I know Sun told Neptune it was never about that. What was it about then, Sun? Were you trying to get Weiss’ attention by making her jealous? Were you trying to get Blake to paid for the food? I don’t buy that Sun explicitly flirted with her just to be friends. Else I’m an alien and it’s my second day on Earth, or Sun tried to convince himself to feel less pain. Or who knows? Maybe he really was flirting with her to be friends. Maybe he flirted with Neptune too. Writers, give us proper answers. And no, FNDM, filling in the story holes with “show don’t tell, there’s a logical explanation for it” is still fanon and doesn’t count as canon. Show don’t tell is a rule, not an excuse.

Anyways, after the whole coming and going, Sun finally leaves the scene for Bumbleby to thrive on sudden romantic interactions, which are a little late at most. It’s confusing. Yang never felt jealous when Blake showed attraction to Sun. They didn’t choose to clearly spend time together, at least with the “we’re partners” excuse. I’ll delve into this point later, but for now: we had Blacksun, suddenly we have Bumbleby, and we’re supposed to have been cheering for them the whole time. Uhm, was this supposed to be a plot twist?

Okay, I may be biased on this one, but listen to me. I don’t like this kind of plot twist. Oh, we have a heterosexual couple… OR SO YOU THOUGHT! THE TRUTH IS THAT THE LESBIANS ARE CANON! WE’VE TRICKED YOU, WHAT MADMEN WE ARE!

Get it? My problem isn’t that Blacksun isn’t canon. My problem is that the writers are using a wlw relationship as a tool, a surprise, manipulating and tricking the audience. It doesn’t feel genuine--it feels like they just wanted to cause controversy--or sell. At the end of the day, Bumbleby is way more popular than Blacksun, and a big part of the FNDM came for the bees. Don’t y’all ever wonder why voice actors don’t talk as much about other characters, or Ruby herself? The main main character?

Let’s bee honest: at this point in time, the biggest thing keeping RWBY afloat is Bumbleby.

“And what’s the problem with all that?”, bees may ask. “What’s wrong with feeding us some good bees?” Ship whatever you want, y’all. But I don’t like getting ships shoved down my throat and treated as peak LGBT+ representation when it didn’t get the time and treatment it deserved. Not all that glitters is gold, guys. (Especially Yang.)

Racism

Oh boy.

Racism is quite the great deal in Remnant… at least that’s what the show tells us. It doesn’t show it. No, Velvet doesn’t need to get stones thrown at her to show us discrimination. But, you know… if there was discrimination, I don’t think she would be in Beacon in the first place. Or that Leonardo would be the headmaster of Haven… Adam Taurus, pack your things and go home; there’s no faunus discrimination worth the fight. (Wait! Don’t go yet, you still have work to do.)

What does racism has to do with Bumbleby?, you may ask. Well, it’s Blake’s main plot. I think it has a lot to do with Bumbleby… but uh, it seems I was wrong. Yang isn’t interested in it, so I guess it’s just Blake’s problem. Until uh, Adam makes a scene, but that doesn’t have much to do with the fact he’s a faunus. It’s still pretty distasteful of a human to kill a faunus, but I’ll tackle that point a bit later.

Blake’s faunity? is very important to her. If she’s an important person to Yang, why doesn’t Yang show interest in it? She didn’t even defend Velvet, even though she could have punched Cardin in the face. She sits around sighing “It must be hard to be a faunus” and annoys Blake with a lighter. This only shows me Yang doesn’t care about Blake’s identity, and not in a good way.

I know, I know, I take the faunus issue to heart. It must be because I’m a person of color. I could talk hours and hours about the horrendous execution of faunus racism (reinforcing stereotypes, horrible analogies and really unfortunate implications), but I’ll limit myself to Blake for now.

Yang doesn’t care. She’s not one bit interested in reading faunus’ history, in asking Blake about her experiences, in thinking how she could help as a human. She’s like those people who say “I’m blind to race” as if it were a good thing. Yeah, you don’t discriminate, but you dismiss other people’s culture and background. It’s part of who we are. Some of us will take it better, some of us worse, but acknowledging Blake’s identity in this case could do wonders. That way Yang could show interest in her as a person, her motives to fight, her struggle.

But she didn’t. In fact, she did quite the contrary.

Bonus: I’ve recently seen a… hysterical headcanon. As it turns out, some bees were excited at the idea of Blake getting branded and Yang going berserk, later saving all the faunus in the mine. It was supposedly justified by “faunus needed a reason to respect her” and of course, Bumbleby angst. Do I need to point out the White Savior trope and how blatantly racist and harmful it is? Do I really need to? Considering faunus are supposed to represent the civil rights movement? Especially knowing Adam’s previous treatment? If faunus were explicitly Black, this would be… well, this is a disaster, but it gets swept under the rug. As a woman of color, this headcanon just makes me want to cry.

I think I’ll have to divide it into two parts so it doesn’t get too heavy. Part 2 is here.

#bumbleby rant #rwde #rwby #rwby rant

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i-see-thevision · 5 years

Text

List of Prompts

A/N: If you say “prompts” enough times out loud, it starts to sound like an onomatopoeia.

Send me an idol, one or more prompts and let’s fucking do this, son.

FLUFF:

1. “I’m not letting you sleep on the floor, get up here.”

2. “I am so unbelievably in love with you.”

3. “Hug me.”

4. “You’re special to me.”

5. “I’m going to keep you safe.”

6. “Do you trust me?”

7. “Can I kiss you right now?”

8. “You’re cute when you’re angry.”

9. “I’ve liked you for a while now.”

10. “Come cuddle me.”

11. “You’re my person.”

12. “We’d make such a cute couple.”

13. “I want to protect you.”

14. “Are you flirting with me?”

15. “Shut up and kiss me already.”

16. “Is that my shirt?”

17. “You could tell me you’re a murderer and I’d probably still love you.”

18. “You’re so beautiful.”

19. “Princess?”

20. “Stop being so cute.”

21. “Are you blushing?”

22. “This is why I fell in love with you.”

23. “That’s my girl.”

24. “You smell really nice.”

25. “I-I think I like you.” “But like why?”

26. “Would it be okay if I borrowed your sweatshirt? It smells like you...”

27. “You’re way comfier than a pillow.”

28. “Don’t be shy.”

29. “I’ll always be here for you.”

30. “I think I’m in love with you...”

31. “It’s okay, I couldn't sleep either.”

32. “If you keep kissing my face like that I’ll have to retaliate.”

33. “I like the way your hand fits in mine.”

34. “No, like…. It’s just, I can’t believe you’re actually wearing my clothes.”

35. “It was love at first sight for me.”

36. “Can I hold your hand?”

37. “You’re cute when you’re all flustered.”

38. “You look so comfy, and cuddle-able.” “That’s not a word.”

39. “Stop it! I can't think straight when you look at me like that!”

40. “C’mon, we’re going to bed.”

41. “C’mere, I’ll keep you warm.”

42. “Don’t give me the puppy dog face. How am I supposed to say no to that?”

43. “You’re the perfect height for me to rest my chin on your head.”

44. “Stay here tonight.”

45. “Apparently they all have a bet going that we’ll end up together.”

ANGST:

46. “When were you going to tell me?”

47. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

48. “That’s…a lot of blood.”

49. “Can you walk?”

50. “Please don’t lie to me.”

51. “I though you were leaving.”

52. “I need you.”

53. “I don’t need you.”

54. “I’m not going anywhere without you.”

55. “Shh, it’s okay. It was just a dream.”

56. “There was nothing more you could have done.”

57. “It wasn’t your fault.”

58. “This is all my fault.”

59. “You’re not acting like yourself.”

60. “I’m never going to let you hurt me again.”

61. “Get out.”

62. “You made your choice!”

63. “Don’t ever do that again.”

64. “Go to hell.”

65. “Please don’t cry.”

66. “You have to stay awake.”

67. “I wish I could just take the pain away.”

68. “You could have died!”

69. “Hey – stay with me.”

70. “It’ll be over soon.”

71. “Did you ever love me?”

72. “I’m sorry. I just can’t do this anymore.”

73. “Fuck you.”

74. “You passed out.”

75. “How much have you had to drink?”

76. “It’s okay. I’m fine.”

77. “It’s not okay! You’re not fine!”

78. “Let me get you something for the pain.”

79. “It’s nothing. It’s just a bruise.”

80. “It’s clearly not nothing.”

81. “Have you been to the doctor?”

82. “I didn’t mean it.”

83. “I thought I meant something to you.”

84. “People who are okay don’t act like this.”

85. “You don’t have to go through this by yourself.”

86. “I don’t want you to be alone.”

87. “Have you been crying?”

88. “You should get some rest.”

89. “When was the last time you ate something?”

90. “I’m worried about you.”

91. “Did you have another nightmare?”

92. "[Name], there’s nobody there.”

93. “I want to be happy but I don’t think I deserve it.”

94. “Please talk to me.”

95. "You can't just shut me out!”

96. "This isn’t going to solve your problems.”

97. “Don’t leave me.”

98. "You did this to yourself.”

99. “It breaks my heart to see you like this.”

100. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

101. “Tell me how to fix this.”

102. “Why don’t you care?”

103. “Get the fuck away from me.”

104. “Please don’t do this.”

105. “You... you lied to me?”

106. “You obviously can’t be trusted to take care of yourself, so let me do it for you.”

107. “It feels like I’m slowly going insane.”

108. “Just… stay for the night.”

109. “You can’t die! I won’t let you!”

110. “Just hang on, okay?”

111. “Hold my hand if you need to.”

112. “I’m sorry.”

113. “Why do you have a gun?”

114. “Don’t panic.”

115. “Just breathe.”

116. “You’re bleeding.”

117. “You’ve been crying, I can tell.”

118. “You should have told me sooner.”

119. “I wanted to tell you in person.”

120. “A phone call would’ve been nice.”

121. “I hate you.”

122. “I still love you.”

SMUT:

123. “Try to stay quiet, little one. Can you do that for daddy?”

124. “Spread those legs, princess. I want to feel how wet I made you.”

125. “You can add another finger. I can take it.”

126. “Strip.”

127. “Begging already? That was fast.”

128. “Lay back and touch yourself, babygirl. Daddy wants to watch.”

129. “You want to do this right now? Even though we could get caught?”

130. “You’re so responsive today.”

131. “Do you want to continue this in the shower?”

132. “You look so beautiful tied up to my bed like this.”

133. “I want you to be rough with me.”

134. “Say my name.” “Louder.”

135. “You say you want it now, but your body seems to like it when I tease you.”

136. “Call me ‘Sir’ when we’re alone like this.”

137. “No, I’m the one that’s supposed to be making you feel good,”

138. “Don’t stop! Whatever you do, please don’t stop!”

139. “You moaning is like music to my ears.”

140. “They say blindfolds heighten your senses, maybe that’s why you’re whimpering louder than usual.”

141. “That’s it, let it all go.”

142. “Sorry, did that hurt?” “No, I’m just a little sore from last night.”

143. “I want to hear you beg for it.”

144. “I’m not wearing any panties.”

145. “I want to kiss every inch of your body before I fuck you.”

146. “Mine.”

147. “That’s my girl. You’re doing so well, princess.”

148. “Your pussy tastes so sweet.”

149. “I can’t wait until we’re alone. There are so many things I want to do to you right now.”

150. “Bite me.” “Where?”

151. “Were you just touching yourself and moaning my name?”

152. “Can’t walk, huh? Did I fuck you too hard?”

153. “You look so pretty when you cum.”

154. “You better shut that pretty little mouth of yours before I fuck it.”

155. “You know the rules, sweetheart. Bend over.”

156. “Show Daddy how you like to be touched, little one.”

157. “...f-faster”

158. “Why don't I make that little dream of yours a reality?”

YANDERE:

159. “I did this out of love, I’m doing this out of love.”

160. “Go on. I want to hear you say it.”

161. “Pretend you never saw that. I hate seeing you look so scared.”

162. “Don’t think of this as a punishment, love. Think of this as a lesson.”

163. “Look, this is for the best. You don’t understand now, but you will.”

164. “You don't mean that.”

165. “Just give it a little time! You’ll get used to this, I know you will.”

166. “Let me see that pretty smile.”

167. “Did you miss me? Because I really missed you.”

168. “No one else makes me feel this way! I can’t lose that!”

169. “You’re so pretty, all tied up like this.”

170. “Stop yelling! You don’t know what you’re saying!”

171. “Just forget about them, alright? I know it’s going to be hard, but you can’t think about them anymore.”

172. “This is your mess. It’s only right that you thank me for cleaning it up.”

173. “I’m the only thing keeping you safe from a filthy, disgusting world.”

174. “This’ll make us closer, I promise. Just hold still.”

175. “You’re so cute, begging like anything could get you out of this.”

176. “You could rip my heart from my chest, and I’d still adore you.”

177. “All I want is you. All I’ve ever wanted was you.”

178. “Our love comes first. Everything else is secondary.”

179. “I don’t like violence, angel. Please don’t make me use it.”

180. “I soundproofed the walls and everything, isn’t that romantic?”

181. “You’re trying to make me jealous, stop it.”

COMICAL:

182. “All I do is drink coffee and say bad words.”

183. “Quit touching me, your hands are cold!”

184. “Hey, do you wanna do me a favor?” “I do not.”

185. “You scared me!” “Well, I am naturally terrifying.”

186. “On a scale from one to ten, how bad do you think it would be if-” “At least twenty.”

187. “Hm. Murder wasn’t on today’s agenda.” “It’s not on anyone’s.” “No, it’s on mine. Just not until next Tuesday.”

188. “Can I pet your dog?” “Do I know you?”

189. “I thought you said you knew where we were going?” “Well obviously I lied.”

190. “If I die, I’m haunting you forever.” “But-” “FOREVER.”

191. “You’re my heater, come warm me up.”

192. “What on earth are you wearing?”

193. “Are you seriously stuck right now?” “Well don’t just stand there! Help me!”

194. “Stop being grumpy, it’s bumming me out.”

195. “Oh my god are you hitting on me?”

196. “So I uh... I locked the keys in the car.”

197. “Are you telling me that I’ve been watering a fake plant this whole time?”

198. “What’s our escape plan?” “Our what?” “Oh my god we’re all going to die.”

199. “Are you high?”

200. “Is that your cat in a onesie?” “Uh... no?”

201. “Can we please stop running? I think I’m dying.”

202. “You come here often?” “Well, I work here. So yeah.”

203. “Put me down!”

204. “I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” “And I’m trying to subtly avoid it!”

205. “Could you go and be stupid somewhere that’s away from me?”

206. “Well this is awkward.”

207. “Aren’t we supposed to be working?” “Your point?”

208. “Give me attention.”

209. “YOU SAID TO BE HONEST STOP HITTING ME!”

210. “I’m too sober for this.” “You don’t even drink.” “Maybe I should start.”

#prompts #kpop #fanfiction #smut #fluff #angst #yandere #comical

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jlf23tumble · 5 years

Note

Hii Jen 😁 Saw you recommended The XF fics, could you possibly list a few of your favs?

I sure could!! NOTE: I really *do* have a mess of bookmarks that are still uncategorized or I bookmarked the works too recently to categorize, meaning that I probably have others I would rec to fit this bill, but oh, well…it’s a start, at least, le sigh. ADDITIONAL NOTE: read the tags! It goes without saying that people are gonna get upset about ages (even tho the UK/US have different consent rules), so if that’s you, do my inbox a favor and just stay away.

Sonic Sounds, by glasscushion, 5.7k words, E. “Harry takes a deep breath, suitably embarrassed, “I’m just really…” and he can’t say the obvious. He can’t just say really wet.” Harry loves feeling embarrassed. Louis is happy to help. (lmaooooo, this is really new, and yet I *did* categorize it? God, my system is in shambles, but I’ll get it sorted in the next month or two)

never worse but never better, by sky_reid, 4.4k words, E. louis knows all the tricks to make harry squirm. (I have so many recs that are sort of “X Factor era,” but they’re during the tour?? does that even count?? if so, i’d put that loadedgunn one on here, too, tbh, but anything, I like this one because the author actually references a kink meme, and I just never see those anymore–either a reference or a thread)

Tigers Play Too Rough, by Blake, 5.9k words, E. Louis puts on his Determined Face, which, Harry has noticed, involves avoiding eye contact. “You’re…,” Louis crosses his arms on his chest and looks down, tragically unaffected by Harry’s bum. “You’re, like, tying me up, yeah?” he asks, so rushed that it sounds breathless, his face twisting up into a sideways grimace at the end. Or, Harry wants to try something new with Louis, and things don’t go quite the way he had imagined. (From when Blake was on a total tear and cranked out, like, five epicly amazing stories in the blink of an eye, two of them XF-related, this one being the begin rather than the end)

Tight Trouser Troubles, by orphan_account, 6.4k words, E. The first time doesn’t count. Neither does the second, the third or so forth come to think of it. Basically, Harry in Panties Phase One should be completely disregarded because Louis’ reaction wasn’t organic back then. It couldn’t be. Today, he’d one hundred percent be able to appreciate Harry in panties, but during their days on X Factor? That was a different story altogether. The problem back then was that they were never alone and that was quite an unfortunate problem to have. (LOTS of panties)

What a Heavenly Way to Die, by objectlesson, 8k words, E. She’s thought about it a lot, and two big things seem to be holding her back, aside from the uncontrollable paralysis that overtakes her body every time she so much as tries to sneak a hand under the waistband of Harry’s knickers. Or, Louis is afraid to do stuff to Harry, who has done a lot of stuff to her. (LISTEN, Phoenix is the queen of XF fic, I just recommend you go back and read allllll of her XF works, I would rec every single one…I’m just putting this one here because it’s the last one she wrote, and it was girl direction, which she didn’t really explore too much in canon headspace…if you want just the Phoenix ones, ping me again! They! Are! All! GOLDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!)

give you my fever, by beautlouis, 10.7k words, E. And he’s wanted it even more since he met Louis, it’s driven him insane, he spends 90% of his life turned on because of Louis and he’s had no relief at all. He’ll wake up at night too hot and itchy, with Louis warm and sweet smelling next to him, and unable to do anything but wank unsuccessfully, with no release. x-factor era. harry’s never had an orgasm before, louis gives him his first (I adore everything this author has ever written, and this story is both lovely and hot)

come on, bring everything series, by blankiehxrry, 11.7k words, E. a bunch of one-shots through the course of l & h’s life with a bunch of different kinks involved in each one (old but gold, it is as it says, the first one is x factor house)

Make Tea, Not War, by adventuring and howdoyouwhisk, 20k words, M. “Is he the messiest?" "Yes." "Does he do the washing up?" "Never." "Does he make his bed?" "Never." "Hopeless, hopeless flatmate. Would you rather be with one of these guys?" "Nope!" Or: Louis attempts to become a better flatmate, much to Harry’s dismay. (lotsssssss of kinks, especially service��

A/B/O ‘Verse, by sarcasticfluentry, 71k words, E, needs ao3 account. Harry frowns, thinking that he shouldn’t have to be glad about what gender he is, just like omegas shouldn’t have to be scared and nervous that anyone they meet might want to hurt them. He wonders why none of this occurred to him before, how he possibly could’ve just sailed through life before this without realizing how fortunate he was being born a beta. That seems a bit too serious of a conversation for Simon Cowell’s waiting room, though, so Harry puts an arm around Louis’s shoulders and teases, “You say that like you’re old or something. Two years isn’t that big of a difference!” “Tell me that when you’re eighteen and looking back on this conversation,” Louis says. (heyyyyyy, I’m not a fan of alpha Harry AT ALL, but this x-factor a/b/o is a helluva lot less annoying than 99% of them, especially in the beginning, but yeah, it’s the same old same old in a lot of ways, so keep that in mind)

#fic rec #i would just rec all of phoenix's THE FUCKING END #stay away from that inbox you demons #we get it #you're purer than anyone else in all the land #pairing here is all louis/harry #future recs will have other options!

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elizadoolittlethings · 5 years

Quote

“He’s not prudish. But seeing your dad naked is a lot for a lad to take.”

RG to The Guardian {x}

Rupert Graves’s eldest son got a nasty shock recently when he went on a school trip to see the 1987 Merchant Ivory adaptation of EM Forster’s gay love story Maurice. “He didn’t know I was in it,” the actor says over a morning cappuccino in a north London brasserie. “He went, ‘Argh! No way!’ and ran out.” He actually fled the cinema? “Yeah. ‘I can’t watch my dad naked on screen in front of all my mates. Can’t do it.’” He might also wish to steer clear of A Room with a View, which his father made with the same team two years earlier — his film debut, in fact — and in which he is seen throwing off his clothes to cavort in the lake and scamper through the undergrowth. “He’s not prudish. But seeing your dad naked is a lot for a lad to take.”

Some people would be positively thrilled at the prospect of a naked Rupert Graves: his devoted fans, the GravesDiggers, for example, or Mark Gatiss, screenwriter and star of Sherlock, in which Graves plays Inspector Lestrade. “I’ve had a crush on Rupert Graves since I was 14,” Gatiss admitted in 2014, then added: “Who hasn’t?” Graves, 56, who is today wearing round-framed glasses and a bedhead of salt-and-pepper hair, keeps his kit on in his new film, Horrible Histories the Movie: Rotten Romans, a big-screen version of the popular CBBC franchise which comes on like Monty Python Jr. He plays a centurion whose unexpected pauses keep wrong-footing his underlings. Thinking he is telling them to attack, they gather up their weapons in preparation, when what he has really said, if they’d only waited, is: “‘We attack!’ … would be the words of a rash man.” There’s nothing here to embarrass any of Graves’s five children, give or take the rap he delivers on horseback (sample line: “I’ve got 99 problems but a bridge ain’t one”).

He shrugs when I ask what the secret is to playing comedy. “I haven’t really done any. It’s stylised reality, isn’t it? Picking out bits and exaggerating them. But it’s got to be true.” Of course, he’s been funny in films before. He was superb as the lodger romantically involved with his landlady and her daughter in Intimate Relations. There was that bit, I remind him, where he wanted to accuse Julie Walters’s character of being a hypocrite but he couldn’t think of the word so he ended up shouting: “You’re a hippo!” He smiles back at me blankly. He doesn’t remember it. And last year he was in Swimming With Men, a kind of underwater Full Monty. “Yeah but I wasn’t playing an insane centurion doing a rap,” he laughs. “OK, I was an insane guy with a nose-clip on doing synchronised swimming, but it’s not quite the same.”

If there has been any pigeonholing, it came at the start of his career, when his performances in those Merchant Ivory films, as well as in two by Charles Sturridge, Where Angels Fear to Tread (Forster again) and A Handful of Dust(Waugh), encouraged misconceptions about his background. His name only sealed the deal. “Do you know what? Genuinely, it helps in this business being called Rupert. I’ve sniffed that attitude in acting: the Oxbridge thing. Making movies isn’t a cheap exercise. You need money and the knock-on from that is the industry is populated by a lot of posh people. It’s very hard to break into if you’re not middle class and privately educated.” Or if you don’t have a name that suggests you are. But if being called Rupert boosted his chances, it was a blight on his early years. “I hated it as a kid. I really wished I was called Pete.” Were there any significant Petes in his life? “Only Peter Purves on Blue Peter. Rupert is a ridiculous name in 1970s Weston-super-Mare. Ridiculous! It’s like being called Basil.”

Graves speaks in short bursts and clipped sentences as though he’s slightly out of breath, but he is at his most fluid when conjuring up the landscape of his youth. “It was one of these strange and dying seaside towns where the package holiday had killed off most of the trade, so the hotels had to lower their prices. It was the end of a line. A decaying, Thatcherite, druggy sort of place with no investment and no hope. I was always being chased by skinheads. It had some peculiar qualities, being by the sea and near Cheddar, some beautiful land. And it was blasted by the weather, which comes up the Bristol Channel and thumps Weston first. As a kid, it was great to hide behind the buildings as waves would smack them. The weather was physical and exciting. It gave the town character.”

At school, he was dreadfully shy and suffered from a stammer, but was also an incorrigible show-off. “I was hyper. My shyness meant I overcompensated, just to get anything out of my mouth at all. I had to summon up so much courage to even speak and then I got carried away because I’d mustered all that energy.” He went to a speech therapist to overcome the stammer and it was she who spotted his acting potential. Turns with the local operatic society followed; he also performed at the end of the pier, miming to songs and delivering Victorian comic monologues. What did he get out of it? “The warmth of the approval.” He found himself an agent from the back of the Stage (“I don’t even think we met”) and took on bits and bobs of TV work while still at school, including his turn as a prefect — his first toff — in the spy series Return of the Saint.

He adored working with James Ivory. “He would say things like, ‘Put your pipe in upside down.’ ‘Why?’ ‘Because it’s funny.’ He was right. It was funny. In a Magritte sort of way.” But people started cooling on the costume-drama craze at the end of the 1980s. “There was a backlash. I thought, ‘This is really unfair!’ I didn’t go to any fucking posh schools and I was getting lumped in with that.” The director Alan Parkerfamously derided the Merchant Ivory output as “the Laura Ashley school of film-making.” Graves scoffs. “That was horrible. Really stupid. Forster was actually trying to say something.”

But he was looking for a new direction around that time anyway. “The whole industry thought I was Posh Rupert and I wasn’t. I didn’t know people who lived in Fulham and Chelsea, I didn’t know what they thought or what they ate for breakfast.” He reacted by taking on parts which were worlds away from parasols and linen trousers. The most notable was Open Fire, a 1994 TV film written and directed by Paul Greengrass, in which Graves was ferocious and banshee-like, all nails and hair and heels, as the real-life cross-dressing criminal David Martin. He also played a laddish motorcycle courier reunited with a transgender school pal in Different for Girls. It was theatre that really excited him, though, and still does. “You don’t tend to get typecast in theatre.” He was in Torch Song Trilogy with Anthony Sher, the Broadway run of Patrick Marber’s Closer, Pinter’s The Caretaker with Michael Gambon. When I ask whether there is any screen work that he would like people to catch up with, he says: “I can think of plays.” But they’re gone. “Argh! I know. That’s the beauty of it. And the pain.”

He thinks he could have been a bigger star if he’d worked at that side of things. “I’m just not ambitious in a career-building way. I’m not good at being polite to the right people. I’m not strategically engaged.” He can’t think when he last did something that would count as networking. “People do it. But I never did. I find it a bit grubby. I can see the benefits. I’ve been lucky that I can keep afloat and not be either too hassled on the street or have to do any of the business side of things, which I’m shit at.” Afloat is an understatement: he has excelled in some of Sally Wainwright’s best work (as a dodgy barrister in the first series of Scott & Bailey and as Derek Jacobi’s long-lost son in the third Last Tango in Halifax), and appeared on stage in the acclaimed season of Pinter’s short plays at the start of this year. He will soon be seen as Mr Weston in a starry new film of Jane Austen’s Emma, alongside Anya Taylor-Joy, Johnny Flynn, Bill Nighy and Miranda Hart.

Throughout our conversation, he has been charming company while also giving the impression of a runner on the starting blocks, poised to scarper the second he hears the pistol. Once we’ve wrapped up, he rises to his feet quickly and knocks a knife off the table, catching it before it hits the floor. “That’s the thing about getting old,” he says, returning the cutlery to its place. “I’ve become a dropper. I’m always dropping things.” Is he a forgetter yet? “Oh yeah. But I’ve always been a forgetter. Never remember names. Not even in scripts.” And there I was expecting you to recall a line of dialogue from nearly 25 years ago, I say. He laughs and makes a noise I’ve never heard before — “Nyyyyyyr! Nyyyyyyr!” — and then — on your marks, get set — he’s gone.

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