#it's giving “remind me to have her drug tested”
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It's a bird! It's a plane! It's another intentionally suggestive Hotch x gn!reader scene!
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“Oh my god,” Aaron groans, voice muffled by the pillow his face is pressed into. “Don’t stop, baby, please.”
You bend at the waist to kiss the spot just behind his ear and murmur, “Yeah? Feels good?”
“That feels fucking incredible,” he affirms with another groan that reverberates through your body from the point where your hips meet. “What are you even doing back there?”
With a giggle, you mold your hands down his muscular back and explain, “It’s called petrissage, love. Part of my spa day was learning how to give a proper massage.”
“Emily got you that gift certificate for your birthday, right?”
“Mhm,” you hum, your fingers now trailing along the taut cords of muscle that make up his shoulders, the tension practically melting away beneath your touch.
“Remind me to give her a raise.”
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AH tags 🖤 @gothwifehotchner @iyv-ray24 @mrs-ssa-hotch
#it's giving “remind me to have her drug tested”#so what had happened was#we had massage rounds today for integrative med#and this is all i could think about#i cannot escape#he lives rent free in my brain#this should have stayed in my drafts#but also#kind of want to turn this into a full fic with smut?#perhaps?#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner imagine#aaron hotchner fic#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner x gender neutral reader#aaron hotch x reader#aaron hotchner x gn!reader#criminal minds imagine#aaron hotchner fanfiction#aaron hotch hotchner#aaron hotch imagine#aaron hotch fanfiction#hotch x reader#hotch x gender neutral reader#hotch x gn!reader#criminal minds
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I want a baby — Ruben Dias
Meeting his friend’s baby triggers Ruben’s desire for a baby, turning him into a cute, baby fever-filled mess.
Word count — 1k
ruben's masterlist
It all started when one of his friends had his first child. You and Ruben went to meet the baby for the very first time and both were practically fascinated with the child. Your boyfriend held the baby in his strong arms, holding him like it was fragile, something he had to take care of and protect.
The vision shocked you. You and Rubén had never spoken before about having children, but to see him that way, with a baby in his arms, an instant feeling made you ask yourself what if you and him were parents someday. The idea wasn't so terrible after all.
"Look how small it is. Did you see his little hands?"
His brown eyes met yours and you couldn’t help but smile.
"He’s so cute."
"Our babies would be cute." Ruben said casually, totally sure of what he thought.
Oh, did Ruben think about you and him having a baby?
"Can’t you see us doing that?"
You smiled at your boyfriend’s question.
"Actually, I can."
That was just the beginning. As the days went by, he constantly sent you cute baby videos and photos. You couldn’t stop smiling and thinking that you wanted one, that Ruben was the right man to have your first baby and that maybe, you were ready to start trying.
One day your friends needed your help to babysit their baby. Ruben was practically already knocking on the door of his friends' house. While you were babysitting, you both looked at each other and took care of the little boy. It was a whole new experience, giving the bottle to the baby, playing with him and singing lullabies. At the time of changing his diaper, your man volunteered and made no complaint about anything at all. That proved your suspicions that Ruben would be an amazing father.
"I could do this with our baby."
You smiled, "You would be a great dad, a great one."
"I think you’d be an amazing mother. I can’t wait to have a baby of our own."
The talks about having children became a topic of conversation before bed. You had come out of the bathroom and settled into his arms, with your head on his chest. Lying next to him was amazing, but lying down and touching his skin, listening to his heart and having him so close was your drug. Kind of like heroin.
"I want a baby."
The silence was interrupted by his voice and his statement. There was a moment of silence, until you reacted and realized you hadn’t imagined it. You raised your head to look at his face. He was totally serious.
"Ruben, are you serious?"
"I’ve been thinking a lot lately about having kids and I think I’m ready. I want a baby. I want to hold our baby in my arms, I want her or him to look like you and me, to be a constant reminder that we are a family. Because that's what I want, I want a family with you. But I really don’t want to have kids with someone other than you, I want you to be the mother of my babies."
Your heart was beating like never before. Your cheeks were red and you wanted to kiss him. So you did, you didn’t control yourself anymore. Your lips joined together, Ruben kissed you back as euphoric as you. His hands went up to your hips, where he held you close to his body. He just separated to keep talking about the baby.
“Would you want to have a baby with me?”
“I’d love to have your baby, Ruben.”
That same night you started your try to have your first baby. A few weeks later, Ruben came home and found you in the bedroom.
"I haven’t looked at it yet. I was waiting for you."
Both approached the bathroom, totally nervous about the result of the pregnancy test. You didn’t dare look at it, so you let Ruben look at the evidence. It was the first attempt, the first time you checked on the pregnancy test, so there might be a chance you weren’t pregnant yet.
Ruben had read a lot, had been informed about how the pregnancy process would be, and had even seen videos of couples discovering they were pregnant. So when you saw him stay quiet you didn’t know what to expect.
"Ruben?"
"You’re pregnant."
"Wait-we’re having a baby?"
You couldn’t believe it, your eyes filled with tears and he came to you. You both hugged and began to understand that in nine months, your baby was going to be born.
“Eu te amo, eu te amo…” he repeated, his face full of happiness.
Ruben always placed a hand on your lower abdomen, even though the pregnancy wasn’t showing yet. Just thinking your baby was there was enough to keep him happy as ever. He was the happiest man in the world, you had made him the happiest man in the world.
When Ruben was not training or at his matches, both shared time at home, talking about the baby and all your plans about the future. He would buy any cute article of baby clothing that he saw, and do a mini haul of what he bought for your baby. That meant he had already brought your baby a City jersey with his number on it.
He also tried to figure out the baby's gender by analyzing your symptoms with old wives' tales.
"I feel like a fat cow."
"Well, you're the most beautiful cow I ever met.”
But your insecurities continued, having a baby in your belly made you feel much more emotional than usual. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones, but once you found yourself crying and seeing your body in the mirror. Ruben came closer to you and put both his hands in your belly.
"I think I’ve fallen more in love with you being pregnant."
The day he met his baby, Ruben knew that baby was all he needed in his life. That you and your baby were your family, two people he would love forever. The child was finally born and you were both crying.
"I am so grateful to you for loving me and allowing me to be a part of this family with you."
You loved him. You were both new at this, but were excited about your upcoming adventures as parents.
#ruben dias x reader#ruben dias imagines#ruben dias imagine#ruben dias one shot#ruben dias#ruben dias one shots#ruben dias x you#ruben dias x y/n#manchester city
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Neptune Notes🧜♀️
Check out Moon Notes and Venus Notes
♆If you have a prominent Neptune in your chart you might notice that its hard for others to take you seriously when you are angry because you look so innocent? Thats because your power lies in that innocence. You power lies in looking helpless and getting others to rescue you and getting sympathy from others. Not saying you should use it just saying thats it. Just like ppl with prominent Mercury got their power in their sneakiness and their sharp tongue.
♆ A lot of people with Mercury/Neptune aspects grew up being ignored or left alone in their room a lot. So they had to fantasize to survive mentally which leads to them having a hard time with reality as they get older. They learned to view life from rose colored glasses to survive.
♆ People with Neptune in the 1st house probably feeling like they have never met anyone like them before. They give off this angelic otherwordly aura. Like they are more than human.
♆ People with Venus/Neptune had a mother who constantly criticized herself and was obsessed with her appearance. So they learned early that flaws are something to be covered up and fixed. Thats why they become the perfect partners and do everything they can to look their best. Their mother could also have been very submissive to their dad or blindly in love with him while their father ignored their mother.
♆ Neptune in the 2nd house can be way to generous.
♆ Neptune in the 10th house can be known for being a drug addict. You know in every town there is a group of addicts who everybody knows, they probably have Neptune conjunct Midheaven.
♆A lot of Neptune aspects especially squares can make a person very submissive with a inferiority complex.
♆ Moon aspecting Neptune can indicate a mother who suffers with some kind of addiction.
♆Im so sorry but when people with Mercury Square Neptune tells me a story I have to ask somebody else who was there if thats what really happened.
♆ Mars aspecting Neptune can others an impression of being weak or afraid. Men with this aspect probably gets ”tested” by other men a lot and might be unable to go out to pubs and nightclubs because of men wanting to start fights with them.
♆ Ive seen Mars Square Neptune to be a common placement in people who get used for sex. These people are easily taken advantage off and might believe that they are gonna get into a relationship with the people who just wants to sleep with them.
♆ Neptune rules who we overidealize:
Sun/Neptune: You overidealize your father and men. Moon/Neptune: You overidealize your mother and women. Mercury/Neptune: You overidealize siblings and younger people. Venus/Neptune: You overidealize beautiful women in general and your partners/female friends. Mars/Neptune: You overidealize men and sexual partners, and your enemies.
♆ Neptune in the 1st house can change the way their voice sound depending on who they are talking to. They can even change body language and the way they walk. The scary part is that it comes naturally for them.
♆ People with Venus Square Neptune are so cute and pretty. Like little dolls.😍
♆Neptune dominance in a chart can make someone very kind with huge ammounts of empathy and compassion.
♆People with a lot of Neptune probably get approached by beggars on the street. They look like they will give you what you need. (As a Neptunian myself I have to say ive always been weak for beggars, I cant just walk past them without giving something. When I was little my mom got mad at me because I always wanted to give them our stuff😂)
♆ Squares to Neptune in the chart reminds me of those ”once you see it you cant unsee it” pictures. When you finally figure that planet out you can use it to your benefit. Venus Square Neptune once you stop trusting everyone you will realize that you got the gift to make people trust you and see YOU as the ideal partner, instead of painting others as some kind of ideal.
♆ And once people with Neptune in the 1st house realize the power they hold its over. Kim Kardashian is a perfect example of this constantly creating scandals and extreme ammounts of money because she know how easy it is to make people think all kinds of crazy things about her.
©2022 Zeldas Notes
#astro notes#astrology#astro observations#astronotes#ascendant#neptune ascendant aspects#birth chart readings
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Sevika × Lawyer!reader
I feel like Sevika would be spilling all the gossip. We all know this woman doesn't dance around the point, and her lawyer is just like, "NO. You CAN NOT say that on the stand."
this is SO funny it reminds me of a post that i'll try to find from a while back where someone was like 'sevika didn't even try to keep vi a secret from jinx she just loves to gab' jlsafkdjlfak
also, i have no idea how court proceedings or law in general works, so this is just me bullshitting lmaooo
men and minors dni
when you first started out as a lawyer, you were broke as shit, young, and incredibly overworked as a public defender.
in your first year practicing, you defended a man named silco, who was being charged with drug trafficking. his case was easy-- there wasn't enough evidence for a proper prosecution-- and you managed to get him off with no charges.
five years later, he approached you again. apparently, in the time since you'd last seen him, silco had built himself a successful shimmer business. you were still broke and overworked, but you weren't young and idealistic enough to want to be a public defender much longer. so, when silco asked you to become him and his crew's full time criminal defense lawyer, and when he showed you the paycheck he was willing to give you for your help, you eagerly took him up on his offer.
now, you're working full time under silco's employ. your typical day consists of giving silco legal advice, or bailing his teenage daughter out of jail. his crew is smart, they rarely get caught, but every once in a while you have to enter the courtroom to defend one or another of his goons who tripped up.
like today, for example.
sevika is silco's number two, his right hand woman. you've met her a few times in passing-- she likes to lurk, standing behind silco's desk as the two of you talk or chauffeuring the two of you down to the local precinct to get jinx out. but you've never had the chance to talk to her.
at least not until now.
sevika was arrested, suspected to be the ring leader of the local shimmer ring. she isn't, of course, and it should be relatively easy to get the charges dropped.
it should be.
but as you're talking with sevika in a private room, coaching her for her time on the stand, you realize that this might be one of the hardest cases of your life.
because sevika can't keep a secret to save her fucking life.
"okay, so where were you the night of the 24th?" you ask. sevika blinks.
"oh, was that a friday?" she asks. you nod. she chuckles. "i remember. me and silco were testing out some new product in his office all night. we got a bit carried away... called some girls over, drank the bar dry, heh, it was a good night." she says, smiling.
"sevika, we practiced this!" you say. sevika blinks at you.
"o-oh shit, right. uh, i was at home, in my apartment." she says.
"were you alone?" you ask.
"uh... yes?" she tries. you groan, and move onto a different line of questioning.
"what's your relationship to silco?" you ask. sevika cringes.
"ew, fuck, don't say relationship." she mumbles. you chuckle. "he's my boss." she says.
"and what do you do for work?"
"me or silco?"
"both."
"well, silco runs the operation, i keep his clients and goons in line."
"and what, exactly, is that operation?" you ask. sevika gulps.
"uh. b-buisness?" she tries. you snort. "he runs a bar." she says, biting her lip to keep from talking, likely trying to keep herself from adding on 'and he's the biggest shimmer producer in zaun.'
you're impressed by her restraint, and you smile at her. she grins.
"and what do you do to keep his 'goons' in line?"
"beat the shit outta them. sometimes more, if they really fucked up." she says, shrugging. you groan, leaning forward to smack your forehead against the table between you and your client.
"sevika. you're fucking with me, right?" you ask, dropping your lawyer voice to talk to the woman across from you. she hums.
"trust me, hotstuff, if i was fucking you, you'd notice." she says, smirking. you groan.
"that's not what i--!" you cut yourself off to take a deep breath. sevika grins. "don't give me that smile, you're gonna end up in prison if you don't get your act together!" you scold. sevika shrugs.
"would you come visit me?" she asks, batting her eyelashes at you. you huff.
"cut it out." you say. "this is serious, sevika, how the fuck are you so bad at lying?"
"i dunno. fuck do i have to lie for? i say what i mean, and i mean what i say." she says. "like, for example, i'd really like to get to know you better. both mind and body." she says, smirking again. you can't contain your laugh, despite the growing concern you have for the woman in front of you.
"i can't go out with clients." you say. sevika pouts.
"why not?"
"i could lose my license." you say. you shuffle through your papers as sevika eye fucks you, trying not to get distracted by your attractive client. "okay, let's try some easier questions. when did you start working for silco?" you ask.
"ten years ago."
"and he immediately appointed you to second in command?"
"fuck yeah he did. have you seen me fight? he'd be stupid not to."
"sevika!" you cry. she blinks.
"what?"
"you can't say that! you can't say any of this!" you rant, raising from your seat to begin pacing. "you-- do you want to end up in stillwater? because that's where you're headed if you don't get your head out of your ass and start taking this seriously."
sevika blinks at you, a smirk on her lips, one of her eyebrows raised. "you're hot when you're angry." she says. you could strangle her. instead, you throw a handful of papers at her head. she squawks and dodges them, and you scrub your forehead in frustration.
you take a break, slumping down in your chair and collecting your thoughts. sevika pulls out a joint, and you make grabby hands for it. she snorts as she hands it to you.
"don't think you're supposed to get high on the job."
"yeah, well you're giving me a migraine. gimmie." you demand, snatching the joint out of her hand and putting it between your lips. sevika just giggles, lighting the end for you as you inhale. "thank you." you say after a moment, exhaling the smoke and passing the joint back to your client. she takes a hit and relaxes back in her chair, her eyes not leaving yours.
"fuck are you looking at?" you ask. sevika shrugs.
"you're very attractive." she says simply. "i've always thought so. and now you're all huffy and angry at me-- it's only making me like you more." she says again. blunt as ever. you sigh.
"tell you what." you say after a while, taking the joint from her mouth and putting it in your own. you take a hit, rising from your seat and rounding the table, before sitting on the table top right in front of her. you blow the smoke out in her face, and sevika blinks up at you, stars in her eyes. "if you start taking this seriously, and if you don't end up incriminating yourself on the stand, once the charges are dropped-- which they will be if you get your shit together-- i'll let you take me out to dinner." you say.
sevika grins. "really?" she asks. you nod. "dinner and dessert?" she asks, her eyes dragging down your body. you snort.
"don't push your luck." you mumble. sevika just smiles.
she ends up getting her act together pretty quickly after that. you aren't sure if she was truly that motivated by your offer-- or if she was just being obnoxious before-- but either way, you're happy.
when her day in court arrives, sevika's cool, calm, and collected. you aren't. you're nervous as shit, worried that she'll slip up while being questioned.
before the judge arrives, sevika nudges your foot with hers under the table. you look up from your papers to stare at her. "what?" you ask.
"relax. 'm not gonna fuck up a chance at goin' out with you." she whispers. you huff a laugh.
"you're ridiculous."
"mhm, and you like it." she says.
she ends up doing great. there are a few moments where she nervously eyes you from her spot on the stand, and you have to dig your nails into your palm to keep from mouthing the lies you'd rehearsed together to her. she figures it out though.
and when court is dismissed, after the charges being dropped, you don't even leave the courthouse before sevika's tugging you into a supply closet and pressing you against the door.
you smile at her.
"i did it!" she says, giddily. you giggle. "you did it!" she adds on, shaking you by your shoulders. your giggle turns into a full-blown laugh, and sevika grins at you.
"congratulations, sev, you're a free woman."
"free to do this too, right?" she asks, her hands coming up to cup your face. you snort and nod.
"i guess a deal's a deal." you say. sevika giggles.
"oh please, like you haven't been counting down the days until you could get your hands on me." she mumbles, rolling her eyes. you giggle and shrug.
"i plea the fifth." you say. sevika laughs, and then you tug her forward by her suit jacket to press her smiling lips against yours.
taglist!
@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki @emiliabby
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Fall Anime Lineup Review by yours truly 🙋♀️🍄🌻
This season, I decided to watch as many anime as I could just for funsies :^) in total, I have started 19 shows, and I will be reviewing most of them here to help you decide whether to give any of them a go or not.
(This review will include exclusively animes that debuted this fall, so no second seasons or continuing shows from the summer season)
I will be classifying these anime in three categories: "definitely worth the watch," "anime i've dropped," and "not a masterpiece, but check it out if you like the premise"
Reminder that this is my personal list, and as such it 100% reflects my personal tastes (like my preference for female main characters and yuri shows)
So I might give 5 stars to shows other people would find bad, and that's okay! I invite others to make their own lists as well <3 (insert lets take ibuprofen together meme here)
(Last thing: i've added cw for only a few shows, and this is by no means an extensive list of all possible triggers for any of these shows, so watch at your own risk and if you want more info you can always ask or dm me)
Without further ado, let's get on to it (under read more because im not a jerk to make you scroll past All That)
Definitely worth the watch / Top 5 Shows of the Season
The Apothecary Diaries
Summary: Drama, Historical, Medical, Mystery. An apothecary gets kidnapped and forced to work in the emperor's palace as a low-level servant. She is determined to quietly work until her years of servitude are over, but when the emperor's infants fall ill, Maomao uses her medical abilities to solve the mystery of their illnesses and accidentally attracts attention to herself, being brought to work in the inner palace instead.
Rating: ★★★★★
Review: This show is incredibly well animated and voice acted. The characters are brilliant and the stories are beautifully touching. It appears to be slightly episodic so far, with Maomao having to solve a new mystery or save someone's life every episode, but there is still a sense of a continuous story being told and I can't wait to see where it goes.
The strongest part of this show is definitely the MC. Maomao is incredibly competent, self-assured, and a no-nonsense person, but she is also completely obsessed with drugs and poisons, going so far as to test them out on her own skin and become completely giddy when she is presented with the opportunity to work with drugs in the inner palace.
Another great quality is the sorority between women, Maomao was raised in the red light district, and the courtesans there taught her a lot about life, which Maomao applies to her everyday life.
If you only have time to watch one anime this season, this is the one I'd tell you to watch.
CW: self-harm, child death, kidnapping, classism.
Edit to add one more cw: pedophilia (it is treated as a bad thing and not endorsed, but it caught me by surprise while i read the manga so i thought to warn this is an upcoming topic that will probably appear on ep 6)
Sousou no Frieren
Summary: Adventure, Drama, Fantasy. What happens when you are a 1000 year old elf who has to live on after your friends' death? For 10 years, Frieren and her companions fought against the demon king, disbanding after he was defeated. The story accompanies Frieren after Himmel, the Hero, dies, and she has to come to terms with the fact that the short 10 years she spent with him have made a big change in her life.
Rating: ★★★★★
Review: Much like The Apothecary Diaries, Frieren's tale is not full of battles and fast paced episodes, actually it is slightly episodic, accompanying Frieren as she goes around collecting spells (that's her hobby) and traveling around the land through all the places she went with her party back in the day, seeing their statues and getting to experience new things while trying to figure out what those 10 years of adventuring meant to her.
This is MadHouse we are talking about, so of course, the animation is one of the strongest attributes. Sound design is also very good, you get to feel the quiet moments and appreciate them. The ending song is so good.
Also like Apothecary, Frieren's greatest qualities are the characters, especially the MC and the feelings they have to face.
Tumblr loves characters haunting the narrative right?? You guys are gonna love Himmel, the Hero istg
CW: death, grief, mild violence.
My New Boss is Goofy
Summary: Iyashikei, Workplace, Comedy. Momose used to be harrassed by his last boss so he decided to quit his job and joing a different company. Momose's new boss, Shirosaki, is an airhead and being in his presence is a fun and healing time for Momose
Rating: ★★★★★
Review: SALARYMEN YAOI. This show will heal your soul. The animation is simple but pretty, the cute effects like the ones on the gif above really help set the mood of a cute show. You've heard of cute girls doing cute things on anime, now get ready for cute salarymen doing cute things such as adopting a cat and naming it their shipname, riding the merry go round together, etc.
Also, may I offer you a canon bi/pan male character who is not embarrassed to come out?
Btw this is iyashikei, so nothing really happens, that's the whole premise of this genre. No drama, only healing. Idek if there is anything i could put as content warning. CW: cuteness overload.
I'm in Love with the Villainess
Summary: Isekai, Fantasy, Comedy, Girls Love. Rei wakes up in the body of the hero of her favorite otome game. Her favorite character in that game happened to be the villain, though, so now she is determined to dedicate herself to pursuing the villainess.
Rating: ★★★★★
Review: I debated a lot whether or not to include this on my top 5, but the incredibly deep and honest discussion about sexuality on ep 4 definitely swayed my decision in its favor. The animation is nothing special tbh and at times can feel very static, but the character design is good enough for me.
This anime is like if Maria from Hamefura was the one who got isekaid and then fell in love with OG Katarina, so... yeah, of course I love it.
It seems that this anime will go in some interesting and unexpected directions as well in the future so I consider this is a must watch of the season.
CW: classism, discussions of homophobia, mc can come off as a bit of a stalker,
To complete my top 5:
I'm Giving the Disgraced Noble Lady I Rescued a Crash Course in Naughtiness
Summary: Romance, Comedy, Fantasy. Despite being innocent, Charlotte is accused of evil deeds, has her engagement annulled, and is forced to flee her country. While crossing the forest, running away from royal guards, she collapses near the residence of one man known as "The Demon Lord"
When he hears her story, said Demon Lord decides to let her live with him and teach her all about the naughty things in life (such as splurging on clothes, eating dessert instead of dinner, and playing games all night long).
Rating: ★★★★★
Review: EXTREMELY WHOLESOME. You'll be cheering for these two to get together in no time at all.
It's kinda like My Happy Marriage, but with less drama lol the female lead was raised as a servant in her own home, much like Miyo, and then gets rescued by a male lead who wants her to learn how to assert herself and live for herself, pursuing her dreams and valuing her own life.
Not a single moment with the male lead so far has been anything but incredibly wholesome and funny, Allen is genuinely a good person who wants Charlotte to heal for her own sake. He gets incredibly happy when she hides a secret from him because it means she is becoming her own person.
So far, this anime hasn't had a single problematic trope this type of romance anime usually has, and i don't think it will. What it does have are fun tropes like: "and there was only one bed", side characters hardcore shipping the MCs, male lead who is genuinely a good person but laughs and talks like a villain, etc.
ALSO, this series has not one but TWO catgirls <3
I could genuinely talk about all five of these animes for hours, but I still have lots of others to review. Hit me up if you want to talk abt any of them, though, i'm gonna be super happy.
Honorable Mention:
Spy X Family Season 2
Rating: ★★★★★
Anime I've dropped or will probably drop soon
The Vexations of a Shut-in Vampire Princess
Summary: Comedy, Fantasy, Vampire. Komari is a shut-in vampire who is weaker than most vampires because she refuses to drink blood. One day, she wakes up to the news that she was appointed as commander of a unit of the imperial army and must now do her best to win wars and survive while all the vampires under her command fight for her position
Rating: ★½ (a full star is too much, so I'll give it half a star)
Review: This one is bad, fam. The reason I found why it is so bad can be summarized in a 3 words: the male gaze.
Komari is filled to the brim with yuri bait, with every female character being into the MC, but all of it is 100% targeted to male audiences. This show is NOT classified as shoujo ai, so i wouldn't get my hopes up and ultimately dropped it after only the first episode.
If you need one more reason to Not watch this, I'll let you know that in less than 10 minutes of the first episode the MC almost pisses herself because that's a thing they decided to include for no reason at all.
My Daughter Left the Nest and Returned an S-rank Adventurer
Summary: Adventure, Fantasy. After losing his leg as a newbie adventurer, he retires and returns to his hometown, becoming a handyman for the village. One day, while searching the mountains for herbs, he finds a child and raises her.
His grown-up daughter leaves to become an adventurer herself, and after years, she hasn't returned home not even once...
Rating: ★½
Review: Oh, I wanted this one to be good so badly 😭 it was one of the animes I was most looking forward to after reading the premise. Actual dilf character who is in his 40s and not in his 20s? I wanted it to be good. But, alas, it is bad. There is nothing problematic with it at all, the anime is straight up just bad. Bad animation, horrible pacing, terrible exposition, abhorrent setup of the story, not enough moments dedicated to setting up the story and making the characters interesting at all.
I Shall Suvive Using Potions!
Summary: Isekai, Fantasy. The God of Earth accidentally kills Kaoru and, as compensation, offers to lead her to a new life in another world with any power buff she wishes for. She chooses to be able to make potions with any effect of her choice, infinite storage space, and other stuff
Rating: ★
Review: ngl the first half of the first episode was pretty interesting, with Kaoru dying and then bargaining for compensations, but after this it just gets very very very boring. Nothing too bad about this one, it's just not worth anyone's time.
Tearmoon Empire
Summary: Fantasy, Time Travel, Comedy. Following her execution at the guillotine by the hands of the revolutionary army, Mia Luna Tearmoon wakes up to learn she has returned to when she was 12 years old, before the downward spiral and decline of the empire that led to her death. She finds her bloodied future diary, and decides to use it to change events to ensure she doesn't end up at the guillotine once again.
Rating: ★
Review: i honestly still don't know where i stand with this anime. It's got an interesting premise, but the development of the story is not at all interesting. This and the S-rank Daughter anime are under a category of "animes i wish had better writers."
CW: death, torture
The Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
Summary: Fantasy, Comedy, Gag Humor. Alyssa, a witch who lives alone in the forest, picks up an abandoned human baby one day. 16 years later, Viola had not only grown into a daughter who adores Alyssa, but also into a woman of exceptional proportions, and the people around them mistook Viola for Alyssa's mother
Rating: ★★
Review: it pains me to drop this one ngl, as it is a very sweet mother & daughter story and I feel like we don't get enough of those. The story can be very wholesome at times, and i've had more than a few good laughs with it. But it's just not interesting enough to keep you watching, and most of the jokes get old pretty fast. I'd recommend watching just the first episode because it is cute and funny enough by itself
Not a masterpiece, but check it out if you like the premise
Hoshizuku Telepath
Summary: Comedy, Girls Love, Supernatural. Fifteen-year-old Umika Konohoshi, with a love for aliens and space, is having a hard time socializing at school, but she hopes her words will someday reach other people. When self-proclaimed alien Yuu Akeuchi enters her life, Umika will learn more about being open.
Rating: ★★★★
Review: Just cute girls doing cute things + this one is actually classified as Shoujo Ai, so i have high hopes for a bit of romance. So far, it's just been very, very cute, wonderful animation, cute characters, cute interactions, cute everything
None of these characters are neurotypical btw.
I highly recommend this one, it almost made my top 5.
16bit Sensation: Another Layer
Summary: Time Travel, Workplace, Comedy, Otaku Culture. Konoha is an illustrator who loves beautiful girls and bishoujo games. She works at a video game studio and dreams of making bishoujo games. However, in the present, where mobile games are all the rage, Konoha spends her days as a sub-illustrator just coloring the back of background characters.
One day, after some happenings, Konoha got her hand on a masterpiece of a bishoujo game, and upon opening the package, she is suddenly taken back in time to the golden age of bishoujo games (the 90s). She joins a company named "Alcoholsoft" in pursuit of her dream of making games.
Rating: ★★★★
Review: Main character loves infodumping about her special interest so much she manages to get herself a time travel deal after infodumping on a random old lady.
This is another anime that almost made my top 5. It has a slow start and the continuity sometimes makes no sense ngl, but the premise is still very interesting. I was used to stories where characters get isekaid into a completely different time and space, but this girl is just sent back 30 years in time so she can witness the boom of her beloved bishoujo games.
The MC can get kind of annoying sometimes, but it isnt too unbearable, I still highly rec it.
Shy
Summary: Action, Super Powers, Drama. As the planet approached its third World War, individuals with superpowers appeared from around the globe to maintain peace. They became the symbols of their respective nations, striving to limit crime and bring evildoers to justice. Teenage heroine Teru "Shy" Momijiyama is Japan's representative in the world of heroes. When a mysterious threat called Amalareiks emerges, Shy must work together with her fellow heroes to stop them at all costs, all while dealing with her own feelings of inadequacy and shyness.
Rating: ★★★★
Review: a lot better than I expected, the myanimelist score does not do it justice istg. This season is full of shy and reserved main characters, but I feel like they get to be a lot more interesting than your usual shy characters. Both Hoshizuku Telepath and Shy deal with their shy characters in interesting ways and I rec both.
I also absolutely adore Iko, who is one of the first people saved by Shy in the anime, but she ends up badly hurt, which sends Shy into a spiral of doubt and fears.
CW: mild violence, death, grief, self hatred and suicidal thoughts
Migi and Dali
Summary: Comedy, Mystery, Suspense. Osamu and Youko want to adopt a child, due to their increasingly old age, they decide they can only take one kid. They decide to adopt Hitori, a gentle and beautiful boy.
However, Hitori's humble and overly polite exterior is merely a facade. In reality, Hitori is a carefully crafted character played by identical twins Migi and Dali. They did all that to be able to infiltrate their childhood town and uncover the mystery of their mother's death.
Rating: ★★★★
Review: This show is batshit insane and absolutely hilarious. These twins mistrust everyone around them and are constantly on edge to maintain the facade of being only one person, the extents they go to keep this up make for hysterical situations and I just couldn't stop laughing while being absolutely horrified by everything that goes on in this. This is a very disturbing anime, though, and the cw for this is gonna make you question whether or not you can trust my opinion, and you know what? I don't know if you should trust me either. But like,,, it really is that fucking funny. It is also just incredibly disturbing and fucked up as well, so watch at your own risk.
CW (this one is very problematic, don't say i didn't warn you): non sexual forced infantilization, non sexual forced pet play, non sexual groping, forced partial nudity, forced eating, minor incest vibes, implied murder, invasion of privacy, surveillance, classism, fursona, bullying, kidnapping and imprisonment. Most of these things happen to a minor, so.. yeah... not great...
If you would like more info on these cws before starting this anime, feel free to send an ask or dm me.
Ron Kamonohashi's Forbidden Deductions
Summary: Mystery, Detective, Comedy. Totomaru wants to solve murders and help people, but lacks the skills for it. Following the advice of one of his seniors, he ventures out to enlist the aid of the reclusive Ron Kamonohashi. Five years ago, Ron was the most promising detective from the illustrious Detective Training Academy Blue; yet for reasons unknown to the public, he sank into obscurity.
The true reason Ron withdrew from the detective world was not from lack of desire, but rather from something out of his control—and Totomaru might just be the key for his return to his former calling.
Rating: ★★★
Review: This is the classic sherlock ripoff that comes around all the time. Not saying it is bad tho, it is quite fun and the dynamic between Toto and Ron is very good. The animation is pretty decent as well. I have only seen one episode so far, but I already like it.
Our Dating Story: The Experienced You and The Inexperienced Me
Summary: Romance, School. As part of a punishment game, Ryuuto is forced to confess to the girl he likes, Runa Shirakawa, a very popular student.
Runa doesn't have a boyfriend at the moment, so she simply agrees to date him.
They have different friends and ways to have fun, and they are different in almost every way. Nonetheless, they begin to relate with each other.
Rating: ★★★
Review: this romance is quite fun and cute, Runa is very carefree about her relationships and isnt embarrassed by things like sex or whatever, she is quite experienced (as the title says), but she has never experienced real love so she just goes around dating in search for it. Ryuuto is very different and gets embarrassed just thinking about holding her hand. He also wants to make her feel appreciated and figure out what her interests are, so he is one of the first dudes to actually treat her like a human being, which, god, it is so real how men take women for granted and this anime shows that by the juxtaposition of Ryuuto being an actual decent person.
Anyways, it doesn't get a higher recommendation from me because the main source of conflict so far in this anime is another female character, who hates the female lead. And that. Uhh. I don't like stories like this. Im a women loving eomen. Im a yuri enjoyer. Im a girl's girl. So, i'd enjoy it more if the antagonist wasnt a girl who hates the female lead. But it is good enough so far to give me hope that this will change in the future.
The Yuzuki Family's Four Sons
Summary: Slice of Life, School. The Yuzuki family, which consists of four brothers, lost their parents two years ago. Hayato, the eldest son, is a hard worker and the pillar of the family. Mikoto, the second son, is calm and collected, but he has a soft spot for his younger brother Minato, the third son, who is energetic and lovable, but clumsy and awkward. Gakuto, the fourth son, is a studious and mature first-grader who is often referred to as a "wise man." The story follows their daily lives.
Rating: ★★★
Review: this is the only actual shoujo of this list. The rest is either shounen or not classified as either. I have only watched one episode so far, so I can't say a lot about it, the first ep was cute and wholesome, as most slice of life is. I say go for it if you want some wholesome family.
Undead Unluck
Summary: Action, Comedy, Super Powers. For the past 10 years, Fuuko has been afflicted by a condition that brings extreme misfortune to anyone who touches her. This has resulted in the deaths of her parents.
As she stands on a bridge above train tracks, Fuuko is touched by a strange man, causing the footing underneath him to break and dropping him in front of an oncoming train. However, when Fuuko finds the man's corpse, she discovers that his body is regenerating and that he is coming back to life.
The man is immortal and wishes for death. Together, the two will look for the best death possible.
Rating: ★★
Review: god, this one is absolutely insane and so full of blood and death, help. But it is good, I had A Lot of fun with the first ep and I'll give it a chance because I can see myself getting really into the main couple. This is a hardcore shounen tho, so it does include some classically annoying tropes, especially since the dude has to touch her to be hit by her unlucky powers.
This season only had 2 shoujos, and one of them had a classic shoujo problem (problematic age gaps), so i didn't watch it. Here is to hoping next season has more shoujosei.
Thank you for reading until the end (wtf, are you crazy) and happy watching <3
#jesus fuck i dont want to tag all this lol#wish i could add more than 10 gifs per post smh#gi talks animanga#the apothecary diaries#sousou no frieren#my new boss is goofy#im in love with the villainess#ikenaikyo#spy x family#hikikomari kyuuketsuki no monmon#my daughter left the nest and returned an s rank adventurer#i shall survive using potions!#tearmoon empire#the family circumstances of the irregular witch#stardust telepath#16bit sensation#shy anime#migi and dali#kamonohashi ron no kindan suiri#our dating story the experienced you and the inexperienced me#the yuzuki family's four sons#undead unluck#1
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The Gamemaker's Apprentice
Level 13
Pairing: Dark!Young!Coriolanus Snow x You, named!Reader
Overall Warnings:
NON-CON, DUB-CON, Dark!Young!Coriolanus Snow, Snow himself should be a warning, lots of blackmailing, gaslighting, manipulation, obsession, possesiveness, eventual forced marriage, eventual loss of virginity, breeding kink, canon-compliant major character death, reader is named but has no physical descriptions in the fic so one might also consider her an OC but in 2nd POV, will have canon inconsistencies, drugging, somnophilia, and other stuff that may be added
Masterlist
Level 13 Warnings:
Graphic oral non-con
Replay Level 12
Ready? Level 13 Start:
You know even without looking at the object what it is.
Now, this is odd, seeing as you don’t remember Bunny having something like this stuffed inside it, much less something shaped like a disk. Also, there aren’t any zippers or holes which could’ve been used to slip it well inside the stuffing, so someone had painstakingly taken Bunny apart to put it in and stitched it back up so neatly that it left absolutely no trace.
Could your uncle have planted this?
Personal storage devices aren’t allowed in the Citadel, but if it’s hidden somewhere they can’t really look or scan… Bunny might just be coming to work with you tomorrow.
A maid wakes you up at six for breakfast. You don’t remember asking for a wake-up call, but you figure your housemate might not take kindly to you sleeping in on an office day. As you enter the dining room and find Coriolanus Snow drinking his morning tea while reading the paper, you deduce it must be a routine for him, and one that you’re now supposed to adhere to as his guest (prisoner).
Coriolanus softly smiles at you as he gets to his feet, kissing you at your temple before whispering a fond ‘good morning.’
You join him at the table to his left and begin eating quietly, and by seven-forty-five, you’re both dressed and ready for the office. He gives your figure a once-over before stepping out of the door, donning on a satisfied look at your outfit: a crisp, white shirt tucked underneath a waistcoat, a blazer and a pencil skirt set in crimson. Just the right length, form-fitting yet comfortable, it still somehow manages to stifle you.
“You look perfect in that suit, my sugarplum,” he compliments, following a brief peck on your lips.
It’s an ensemble you found, neatly pressed and ready, by the full-length mirror in the walk-in closet right after stepping out of the shower. He didn’t instruct you to wear it, but who could have and for what other reason could it have been placed there except by him to further mould you into this image he wants you to portray?
Inside the private elevator, he issues more mandates for you to comply with as his fiancée:
“You’re not allowed to go anywhere else but to work or school, and then back to our home – anywhere else you would have to confer with me.”
“We are to visit the Plinths every weekend for wedding planning.”
“You are not to associate with anyone in the Cybersecurity department, including your uncle himself.”
When you get to your office at the Citadel, another command:
“Due to your actions last Friday that led to us losing important test data, you are prohibited from participating in any further tests and will be confined to your office where you are to complete debugging tasks.”
This, you protest against.
“Last I heard, I was an official gamemaker as of today. That means you’re no longer my mentor. You can’t keep me in here or order me around anymore.”
Coriolanus tips his head slightly to acknowledge this. “Your status may have been elevated, Nellie, that’s true, but our org structure dictates newly promoted gamemakers are mandated to undergo a three-month probationary period, which means they are to be supervised by the senior gamemaker who last took them under their wing.” He pauses to flash you a gloating smirk and adds, “Need I remind you who that is?”
With a wearied sigh, you’re forced to let the matter go, which earns you a nod of approval, his eyes belying a hint of smugness.
Bound to his house and to this office – bound to him. Is this going to be your glamourous new life as Coriolanus Snow’s wife?
Thankfully, you have a task at hand in the form of that thing hidden inside Bunny, so you let an hour pass after he steps out of your office to fish the plush out of your bag. You lay it facedown on your desk and carefully manoeuvre your way through the seams on its back with a small office blade.
“I’m sorry, Bunny,” you whisper to it. “I’ll stitch you back up once I’m done...”
From the incision you make, you rummage through the stuffing and pull the thing out with a pair of tweezers. Turns out, your guess last night was correct:
Bunny has a disk inside it and you have all the equipment in the world at your disposal to find out its secrets.
The disk looks fairly new with no labels or writing, but as your uncle advised before, you check it for malware just in case this is one of those little viruses he’s cooked up. When it turns out to be totally harmless, you proceed to install the exe. file, conspicuously named ‘install.me’ and let the application wizard run its course. It finishes installation fairly quickly, and the application pops up at once to reveal a login page. Everything about it seems typical, but oddly enough, the sign-up option is missing and only the name of the game is indicated: Chess for Bored People.
You check inside Bunny once more for any piece of paper where credentials of any sort could be written, but there’s nothing inside or outside it that could resemble any logins. Except maybe Bunny’s label – instead of a company label, it had the word ‘cherrychoc’ and what seems to be your birthdate scrambled with your initials at the end.
What your uncle is up to, you have no clue, but you enter the details you find and hit ‘login.’ A non-descript start-up ‘ding’ signals that you’re in, and the user interface of the app immediately displays a single Start Game button – you click on it, now more curious than ever.
Turns out, it’s some sort of online chess game, where you’re randomly pitted against an opponent, or an available user on the platform – to the right side of the virtual chessboard, currently greyed out and displaying ‘waiting for opponent,’ is a virtual chatroom which seems to be empty, with only the text ‘waiting for available user’ at the top.
You wait for more than an hour, so when you get that same start-up sound, you’re on it in mere seconds.
The game has begun – the opponent has just advanced a black pawn. The chatroom on the right says:
** theConfectioner has just started the chat.**
The Confectioner. It’s Uncle Cas. It has to be.
“I fucking knew it,” you say under your breath.
Hello, cherrychoc.
Welcome to your first game. As a new user, you are entitled to a free treat of your choice at The Headless Confectioner’s Sweet Shop courtesy of the game developer.
Please make the next move.
Cool, thanks!
The game goes on for the next ten minutes until The Confectioner sends another message:
Your username and IP address have not been vetted to access this game.
How did you hear of us, cherrychoc?
Uh
I just found it??
Sorry, I didn’t know this needed membership...
A few moments pass before The Confectioner replies:
Unfortunately, this game is currently for preapproved members only. I will now be ending the game.
You’re still qualified to claim your welcome treat at The Headless Confectioner’s. Please look for the Head of Customer Relations and provide your username.
On a final note, please ensure that you delete or uninstall the game from any unsafe devices you may have installed it on. You will now be logged out automatically.
Thank you for playing Chess for Bored People.
**theConfectioner has ended the chat.**
What the hell just happened?
You stare blankly at the now logged-out online chess game, trying to process what had just transpired.
To be fair, this sounds like something your uncle would do to try and get in touch with you: discreet, well-thought-out, and meticulously planned. If you could visit the candy shop during your lunch break, he might have something or someone waiting for you to deliver his message without alerting your eagle-eyed fiance. You quickly uninstall the game as you’re instructed and place the disk back inside Bunny before stowing it back inside your bag.
When the lunch hour rolls by, you make up your mind and decide to step out. And if your every move is being watched, he’ll likely have qualms about you stepping out of your office. True enough, you’re not even halfway through crossing the hall to the elevator when your communicuff beeps to a newly recorded voice message. You can’t help rolling your eyes as you play it.
“Nellie, you’re not supposed to step out of the office without my permission.”
Your response is every bit as snappy as you could make it.
“I’m getting food, Coryo, and I don’t think I want anything from the cafeteria. Unless you’re going to start prohibiting me from having lunch.”
The response you get is curt:
“Fine. Take the driver with you and don’t loiter. And next time, Nellie, send me a message before you step out.”
You debate whether or not you should ask him if he wants anything from the shop, but you decide against it – blackmailers and tyrants don’t really deserve sweet treats.
The Headless Confectioner’s is just as busy as usual. Aside from the shop being the largest candy store in all of Panem, it’s also renowned for making fresh candy onsite and the tours it offers to the Capitol residents. The shop occupying the building itself is closer to a small factory than a shop, given the variety and the amount of candy it seems to make on every day, plus their ice cream is without question, the best and most popular among the Capitol folk. It’s the same creamery at the forefront of the shop, beside the colourful candy displays, where you remember meeting Coriolanus Snow before that day at the park.
A polite salesman helps you find the Head of Customer Relations and directs you to the Chocolate-Making Station, where a small crowd of onlookers – mainly children and their parents – are already milling around the viewing glass watching the chocolate makers pour artisanal chocolate into moulds. He mentions looking for a man wearing a beret, and you spot him with his back turned to you in conversation with a female tour guide who’s leading the crowd. The tour guide nods and proceeds to herd the crowd to an open section beside the viewing glass, where a worker distributes chocolate pieces for free sampling. The man with the beret turns around, and the warm smile he flashes you emphasises the lines in the corner of his eyes. Even with the short beard and his lack of uniform, you’d recognise that grey hair anywhere.
The bartender from Strabo’s party and the courier who delivered those drives and the virus-laden disk.
He dips his head slightly in greeting and says, “Good morning, miss! My name is Petey, the Head of Customer Relations. How can I help you?”
Huh. You remember him with a distinguishable accent in your conversation at the party.
“Hi, I’m here to pick up the ‘welcome treat’ for cherrychoc?” You ask hesitantly, hoping you don’t sound foolish; after all, the idea of getting free stuff just for playing an online game you got booted out of seems rather outlandish.
Thankfully, he doesn’t seem to think so, for a look of acknowledgement flashes in his eyes.
“Ah yes. Chess for Bored People, is it? This way, please,” he says.
He gives no indication that he recognises you, but you follow him anyway, leading you to a massive display of assorted chocolate boxes. He asks you to pick one, but you ask him to pack two, thinking it would look bad for appearances’ sake if you don’t get one for Coriolanus, which he’ll likely take offense to. For good measure, you pick up other items – a granola bar and two ice cream sandwiches for lunch just so you can have something to show for in case he snoops in. Petey rings up your payment at an empty cash register for everything else, and when he hands you your change, he inconspicuously slips a small piece of folded-up paper in your palm, which you place in your pocket as casually as you can.
“Thank you,” you say.
Petey the bartender, the courier, and the Head of Customer Relations nods cheerfully and says, “Thank you, Ms Innis! Have a sweet day and hope to see you again soon.”
After you get back to the office, you all but scarf down the granola bars and the ice cream sandwiches, eager to find out what’s in the note. You’re grateful for the privacy that a trip to the toilet allows you, and, making sure the entire bathroom is locked and your cubicle is bolted shut, you finally take the note out of your pocket and unfurl it to read its printed-out contents.
Nellie,
First off, great work finding the disk inside your stuffed toy; it’s a stroke of luck they didn’t take the damn thing along with my other stuff. Don’t ever use that disk in the office ever again; your station may already have spyware.
Second: if you’re reading this, you must’ve already met with Petey. If he seems vaguely familiar, that’s because he is; he runs a lot of errands for me of the covert kind, like asking him to watch over you at Strabo’s party and slip that disk into the drives.
There are things you may have already found out about me courtesy of your rather pleasant husband-to-be, and I promise you I will explain everything in the future. For now, I expect you to have understood a little bit of my past and are now aware of some of my capabilities – one of which could help you get out of this once and for all.
The Headless Confectioner’s is my idea, and Petey helped me bring it to fruition. Not only is it a convenient source of the family fix, but it’s also an excellent cover for smuggling contraband in and out of the Capitol and into the Districts. It’s how your letters to the Plinth boy remained undetected: Petey slips something into candy orders bound for rich District folk (who either sell it for a huge mark-up or eat it themselves), then our contacts in the Districts take the item and ensure it gets to the right hands.
That’s how I can get you out of there: hide you among the candy crates, get dropped off, not in District 3 where they’d know to look for you, but to either of the Districts except 1 and 2, where I have loyal contacts who’d gladly take you in until we find a more suitable arrangement. These shipments are getting rarer by the day, however, due to the hefty taxes and increasingly strict laws in District trading, so we’ll need to wait. I would most likely need to follow suit for reasons I will explain soon. Return to The Headless Confectioner’s by Thursday as I will have finalised the plan by then.
For now, keep your head down and always remember that good people are looking out for you and me. You’re not alone. We are not alone.
Your Dear Old Uncle Cas
P.S.: Either burn this letter, flush it down, or eat it – whichever you pick, I won’t judge – leave no trace.
You breathe through your lips forcefully to curb the incoming tears.
You’re not alone.
Despite the great risk to himself, your Uncle Cas is still thinking of you and trying to help you out of your misery – along with him, many others you’ve never even met who are willing to risk themselves, nonetheless.
The least you can do is make their effort worthwhile.
That means going about your day, and the entire week, like there’s absolutely nothing going on and then going back to The Headless Confectioner’s as your uncle told you on Thursday. You tear up the note into little pieces and flush it down the toilet before going back to your office. You aren’t at all surprised to find Coriolanus waiting for you, sitting behind your desk with his legs crossed and his eyebrows slightly stitched together. He abandons the chair to approach you so he can plant a quick kiss on your cheek.
“You took your time, sugarplum. Are you alright?” He asks.
When you nod, he inquires if you’ve had lunch, and you hand him the box of chocolates you bought for him, both to divert his attention and to prove you’ve been to where you said you went. He accepts the box delightedly and rewards you with a kiss on your lips, which you’re quick to break.
“Coryo, we’re at work,” you complain quietly. “Isn’t this a bit inappropriate?”
With a huff, Coriolanus rolls his eyes, but you can tell with that ghost of a grin on his lips that this is amusing him. “Fine, if you’re going to be like that...”
Still, he swoops in for a split-second peck which catches you off guard, grinning slyly before saying, “I’ll see you later.”
“How are they?” you ask on impulse as he turns to leave.
“Who?”
“Tansey, Audrey...Callahan?”
He raises his chin and peers at you with his eyes narrowed slightly. “You care what happens to them.”
“Coryo, they were injured the last time we left.”
With a smile that doesn’t match his hard eyes, he simply responds, “They aren’t injured anymore."
He takes you to a dinner party that night – and the night after that – at The White Knight after a quick change in his apartment. It’s just another opportunity for him to make a point of this relationship to everyone who can see. You show up, hand in hand, every bit the polished and demure girlfriend he wants you to be – a term which he now introduces you by to everyone in attendance. It’s Strabo’s birthday party all over again, except he’s now more openly handsy and free with those little gestures of affection you’re now starting to get used to, albeit for all the wrong reasons.
Wednesday night, however, is a welcome change of sorts, because Coriolanus takes you to the Plinth’s Corso home for dinner. It’s where you finally see Tigris Snow again after a long while, and where she greets you and hugs you like a close friend despite the brief time you’ve spent with her in the past.
“It’s been a long while, Nellie, I’m so happy you’re here,” she says as she briefly brushes your cheek with her palm.
You’re a little taken aback at how rough her hands are for someone with an aristocratic upbringing, belying an inner strength underneath her delicate grace. She makes you wonder how someone related to Coriolanus Snow can exude so much genuine warmth.
“Coriolanus has told me all about you even back then. Congratulations to you both.”
“Thank you, Tigris,” you return her earnestness as much as you can – despite her sharing blood with the man who’s forcibly inserted himself into your life, you can tell she’s someone you can trust. Although to what extent and with what, you’ve yet to find out.
“I’m sorry, grandma’am couldn’t be here, she hasn’t been feeling well lately...”
Tigris thankfully drags you away from Coriolanus’s domineering presence after announcing your arrival to Ma and Mr Plinth, taking you to a study well out of shot from any of them.
“We never got to talk.” Tigris clasps your hands as you both sit on a sofa. “How are you?”
The last time someone asked you that, it was Ma, and you had felt her care truly for her well-being so much you opened up like a dam, only to be slammed shut by her rather misguided advice. You decide to put up a front as usual, this time, not knowing what her intentions are.
“I’m...okay, Tigris, thank you,” you say, a little too slower than you would’ve liked. She seems to pick this up at once.
Her eyebrows furrow a little as she presses you on, but she’s gentle with her approach. “I know we haven’t really spoken to each other that much, but – and this is going to sound awful of me to say – but I’ve seen how Coriolanus is when he’s fixated on something.
“Right now, he’s fixated on you, Nellie, and this news of your engagement... it’s just so sudden. Ma says they’ve been planning this for quite some time, but without you? I just can’t help but feel that something else is going on. It’s why I asked,” Tigris explains. This isn’t just some ruse or superficial concern judging by her tone and expression, and she knows better than anyone what kind of person Coriolanus has decided he wants to become.
But, where exactly do you begin?
“I...I d-don’t know,” you stammer. You look over your shoulder to make sure he isn’t around and listening in. Turning back to her, you start, “Tigris, I’m trying to find a way to get out of this.”
Her eyes widen in alarm as she catches on your meaning. “Whatever you need, Nellie, if you ever need to talk, call me. You know our number. I may not be able to do much of anything, but I can help in any way I can – ” her gaze flicks imperceptibly at something behind you and shifts her tone at once “ – and I’m thinking of adding lace appliqués and Swarovski crystals on the shoulder area – ”
“Ladies, I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”
Your attention is drawn to Coriolanus’s falsely cheery tone from behind you and paint on that smile he wants to see as you turn to face him.
Tigris has done this many times before, it seems.
“I’ve been telling her that I’d like to make the wedding gown for her as my gift, Coriolanus,” she chirps. Tigris is a pro.
If he suspects anything, he doesn’t show. “I’d like that, my dear cousin,” he says, his eyes slightly warming. “My Nellie deserves nothing but the best.”
“Don’t I know it? I’m going to make a gown fit for the princess she is. You’re coming by this Saturday anyway, so I’ll take her measurements then.”
“Wonderful! Why don’t we continue this at the tea room?”
Your fiancé all but drags you away from his cousin, and for the rest of the night, he never gives you an opportunity to speak to her again without him hovering behind your back.
When you say your goodbyes, you catch Tigris’s eyes and flash her a grateful smile, your uncle’s words echoing in your mind:
You’re not alone.
Rapidly, you take out the note from your pocket, and in the safety and privacy of the same cubicle inside the bathroom, you unfurl it and read:
Nellie,
There’s a shipment of candy bound for a District 5 tradesman who’s one of us, which is all the better. The crates leave at 11:30 AM this Saturday, so do whatever you have to do to get out of there before that so Petey can secure your cover – we can’t be too careful.
As to when I’ll be joining you, I’d have to make certain arrangements first, but let me worry about that, okay? Focus on getting out of your predicament for now because that’s more urgent than me getting out.
It seems your uncle hasn’t forgotten your tendency to overthink everything. The note continues:
Don’t bring anything that will weigh you down, and don’t be late. Keep your head down for now,
Your dear old Uncle Cas
P.S.: You know what to do.
A little hope blooms in your heart despite the dangers wrought within your uncle’s plan, not to mention what the aftermath of your exodus will mean for him.
Saturday. Only a few more days before you’re at last free of Coriolanus Snow.
This prospect cheers you up a bit even after arriving at his apartment from yet another exhausting dinner party, and when you find your confiscated bag on your bed, returned intact, book included, you’re thankful that something is finally going your way somehow.
“I would’ve liked to see you dressed in one of your nightgowns before coming here,” Coriolanus comments cheekily when you approach him in his work office.
Ignoring him, you remark, “They returned my uncle’s stuff quicker than they did my bag.”
“I’ll take that as ‘thank you for getting my bag back, Coryo.’”
Grinning to himself, he leans back on his chair behind the office desk as he shuffles through his mail, before picking one envelope out and opening it. “And, if it’s efficiency in Citadel processes you want to see, you’re going to have to wait for me to become president for me to make that happen.”
Right. An egomaniacal, tyrannical dictator for a president. The country has indeed a promising future ahead.
You turn on your feet to leave him be and sleep all your problems away, but he calls your attention at the last minute.
“We have an important dinner to attend on Saturday night,” he begins.
This makes you narrow your eyes a bit. He’s never had to warn you of those beforehand, so you assume this dinner must mean something to him.
“With who?”
“Festus Creed and Persephone Price. I assume Clemmie, Livia and Lys have been invited as well, seeing as I helped Festus secure seven seats at The White Knight.” Flashing you a smile, he adds, “This is going to be quite the reunion, I imagine.”
You chew on your lip in contemplation. You’ve actively avoided seeing your former classmates after what happened to Sejanus, and you’ve only seen some of them in passing after that. The prospect of dinner with them leaves you unsure what to feel; after such a long time of keeping your distance, they’d certainly have more questions for you than you’d care to answer.
That ring heavily weighing down your left ring finger being one of them.
“And if I don’t want to come?” you ask carefully.
Coriolanus raises a chastising eyebrow at you. “As much as I’d like to keep you to myself, it wouldn’t look good if you’re not seen among your peers. When was the last time you talked to them?”
“I met Lys at a coffee shop once.”
“You just said ‘hi’ to her.”
So, he’s kept in touch with his fellow District 12 mentor? Cool.
“I’ve talked to Festus in one of my classes,” you shrug.
“You both worked once on a report.”
He seems to be close enough to Festus to catch up with him on a regular, so this isn’t surprising.
“I bumped into Clemmie at the Uni library.”
“You helped her find research material for her term paper. That hardly counts.”
Now, this stumps you. How could he have known all of these things when you’ve never mentioned them to him before?
“Gee, I’m really glad to know that even my conversations with the people I barely talk to now are being closely monitored,” you chuckle dryly and continue, “That makes me feel very safe. I wonder who among my classmates you paid to spy on me?”
He lets out an aggrieved huff at your derisive accusation. “Nellie, my point here is simple: they’re your friends,” he counters. “Our friends. It wouldn’t hurt you to at least get to know them. We’ve all been through so much together, the least you can do is be present.”
Coriolanus pins you to your spot with an unrelenting stare, his jaws clenched in disapproval. With a tone that leaves no room for dissent, he says:
“You will be there. This discussion is over.”
But you’ll be far away, then, if everything works out fine on Saturday morning. You wouldn’t even have to worry about facing any one of them, probably forever, so this time you concede and bid him good night.
Never had you felt this much anxiety and excitement at the same time, much less tried holding it in you could burst at any time. You and Coriolanus have been at the Plinths since nine in the morning on this sunny Saturday, with Ma wasting no time to excitedly show you the wedding guest list she had compiled over the past few months, which you only pretend to peruse over late breakfast.
“I had a lot of help from Coriolanus with that list,” she says chirpily, which your soon-to-be ex-fiancé acknowledges with a smile over his cup of tea.
Tigris, who’s sitting to your left, peers into the list as she spreads jam over her toast and offers her help identifying the names you’re not familiar with.
By nine-thirty, Mr Plinth emerges in the dining room and bids Ma farewell, announcing that he’ll be going golfing with one of his more demanding shareholders.
“How would you like to join us tomorrow, Coriolanus? We shall see if that charm of yours will work on old Mr Emery,” he asks his heir, who graciously accepts. He then gives Ma a peck on the cheek before sauntering away while munching on a piece of toast.
A few moments after Plinth senior leaves, the table is soon cleared by the maids, allowing Tigris to lead you inside a guest bedroom for your measurements, and you the opportunity to take her up on her offer for help.
“Alright!” Tigris says once she has locked the bedroom door. “Shall we? Extend your arms out to the side, please.”
“Uh, Tigris?” You start as soon as she drapes her tape measure over your right arm. “You told me you’d help when you can? I think I might need it today. Please?”
Her previously cheerful air shifts to something much more serious as she slowly lowers her tape measure. She nods at once, recognising your urgency.
“Of course, Nellie. What do you need?”
“I have to go at ten thirty.”
“You’re leaving? Where to?”
You inhale sharply and respond, “Away from here. This is my only chance.”
Tigris once again surprises you with her astuteness. “I take it you’re not coming back?” she asks with an increasingly growing smile.
That elation of hers is infectious as your own face lights up. “If this works, then no. Maybe not ever.”
I’ll be rid of your cousin forever.
“Good,” she says with a firm tone. “I’ll distract him. Ten thirty, right?”
“Yes.”
Her response is a resolute nod. She doesn’t say anything, but her eyes are expressive enough for you to tell that she’s happy for you that you finally found a way out.
“Thank you,” you whisper while you squeeze her hand. You owe her your freedom, and there’s nothing you can give her right now, save that gesture, to convey how grateful you are.
“Best of luck, Nellie.”
Tigris drones on in detail about the potentially fictional dress she’s planning to make for you, and you go along with her in Coriolanus’s presence. She even shows you and Ma some of her sketches, all of which look so professionally well done you almost regret not being able to see the final product she has in mind.
“If you’ll excuse me,” she says after a while. “I’ll have to check up on the grandma’am; I think I may have forgotten to leave fruit juice on her nightstand. You should come and see her some time, Nellie, when she’s better.”
“Oh good, I think this is my cue to start making lunch, as well, and no, Nellie, dear,” Ma dismisses you with a gentle pat on the cheek when you begin following her to the kitchen. “Bless your heart but can handle this. You go add whoever we may have missed on the guest list. I’m sure you have family members in mind.”
Your eyes land on their grandfather clock. Ten twenty-five.
It’s almost time.
Tigris returns a mere few minutes later, breathless and with a troubled expression.
“Coryo,” she calls out. “You have to come with me. I can’t find the grandma’am.”
Coriolanus looks up from the book he’s reading with a hint of concern in his eyes. “Did you check the rooftop?” he asks, trailing after his cousin and out of the apartment, presumably to locate the poor old woman.
You let a couple of minutes pass just in case they might still be in the hallway – Ma is still in the kitchen and well out of earshot – it’s now or never, a voice whispers in your head.
You heed the voice, grab your handbag and make a break for it.
You take the stairs and descend as fast as your feet can take you while looking behind – all you can think of is the fact that this would be over the moment he catches a glimpse of you fleeing. The elevator might be occupied as well, so you deem it an irresponsible choice. You don’t stop when you’re out of Corso I, and it takes a jog of about fifteen minutes before you get to The Headless Confectioner’s. Breathless, you look for Petey yourself in the vast shop while making yourself inconspicuous just in case anyone you know sees you. You find the Head of Customer Relations in the Jellybean aisle – he places his clipboard behind a cash register once his eyes land on you.
“Ms Innis! You’re early,” he greets with a tip of his hat. “This way, please. Your box of chocolates is still being prepared. In the meantime, have some of this.” He grabs the nearest bottle of beverage from the nearest shelf and tosses it over to you, which you barely catch.
You mutter your thanks as he leads you away on a brisk walk. You reach the back of the shop and weave through the tight spaces between the shelves before you follow him through a door labelled ‘stockroom.’ A dimly lit room the size of a parking lot greets you, but instead of cars, you see rows upon rows of shelves to your right filled with boxes and plastic bags filled with you assume are raw materials, and to your left rows of wooden crates stacked on top of each other, with two forklifts parked right at the front.
Petey exhales audibly as he closes the door behind him.
“No time to look around, ‘m afraid,” he says.
“Your accent is back,” you observe.
“Ha! Fooled ya, didn’t I? Spent so much time tryin’ to copy that damn Capitol twang.”
Dumbfounded, you simply look on as he lifts the lid on one of the wooden crates, and takes out a square-shaped plank of some sort from inside.
“Well, c’mon!” He urgently motions for you to come closer. “The earlier this shipment leaves, the better – peacekeepers have been menacin’ us all week, it’s like they’re onto us or somethin’. You didn’t let anyone play with that stupid game, didya?”
You shake your head as you peek inside the box he just opened. He helps you get inside the box and instructs you to hunker down.
“The trip is goin’ be a while, so your uncle asked me to getcha somethin’ for the road.”
Petey places a tall stack of granola bars and two water bottles inside your crate and gives you final instructions.
“When you get there, our guy’ll knock on your box the word ‘Cas’ in Morse code – and he’ll have to, you can barely hear anythin’ inside that box – so you’ll know you’re with friends. They’re nice, don’t worry; they’ll take you to their safe house where you’ll await your uncle’s next instructions. Got that?”
You nod once, to which he grins widely.
“You’ll be in good hands, kid, that much I can tell ya.”
“Petey – my uncle?”
Petey’s eyebrows draw close for a fraction of a second, but masks it with that kind smile of his.
“He’ll be fine, kid. Your uncle is tougher than all o’ us put together. Now, mind your head!”
He finally places the wooden cover on top of you, only allowing about an inch of space between the cover and the top of your head, and leaving you in almost total darkness, with the only light source being the tiny cracks between the slats of wood that the crate is made of. You then hear dull thuds of what sounds like Petey filling the rest of the space on top with chocolate boxes to further strengthen the disguise, before he seals you in.
And then, total silence.
As you hug your handbag containing the only precious possession you’ve taken with you, you’re sorely tempted to say you’re finally safe, but it’s too early to tell. You figure you would never feel safe until you’re finally in the safe house in District 5, where Coriolanus Snow can never sniff you out.
Eventually, you feel your box move, presumably being lifted by a forklift. As soon as you’re set down, you feel the ground move, which you assume is the ride to the Capitol train station. After quite a while, the truck you’re in comes to an abrupt stop; you then feel the box being forklifted again before being set down. This cycle of noises just goes on several times, but when you hear the muffled sound of a rail squealing, that’s when you find out you’re finally inside a freight train wagon.
You don’t know how long you wait inside – it may have been mere minutes, it may have been hours - until you hear muffled shouts outside. Suddenly, your box is being carted off again and then set down on a flat surface. Silence ensues after, but you can’t be there yet.
Something’s wrong.
Muted shouts arise once more, followed by sounds of wooden crates being busted open. You don’t know how much more time you had to wait until you feel your box’s cover being pried open as well. No morse code.
Something has gone terribly wrong.
You cover your mouth to prevent any noise from you, hoping and praying they don’t get past the layers of chocolate boxes Petey had placed as cover.
True enough, they leave your box alone after bouts of rummaging through the boxes. Whoever it was seemed to have been fooled by the contents, but a few agonising moments pass before you hear the dull sound of something tapping your box.
Not Morse code, but the sound of tapping to check for hollow spaces.
Without warning, your entire cover is lifted unceremoniously, revealing a looming figure in crimson you had been hoping to escape from and never see again.
Coriolanus Snow has found you yet again, and judging by the icy, almost betrayed look on his pale, hard features, he isn’t pleased the slightest bit.
The sunlight being cast on his platinum-blond hair gives the illusion of a halo – you almost mistake this to be a dream, except you are aware, even in your dreams, that he is the farthest thing from being an angel.
“Step out of the box, Nellie.”
His command is faint, but you obey anyway, trying hard to ignore your heart pounding madly in your chest.
“You’ve been sloppy, Nellie,” he says in this deceptively soft tone as he paces to and fro right before you at an unhurried pace. “Had you not used your Citadel computer to inspect that disk, I wouldn’t have had that candy shop investigated, its shipments monitored, and had my peacekeeper friends alert me for any exports to the Districts from The Headless Confectioner’s.”
He stops right before you, invading your personal space, as he stares down at you through the tip of his nose.
“I had hoped I was just being paranoid – that you wouldn’t do that to me…and yet, here we are.”
He spots the handbag you attempt to conceal behind your back.
“Give me that.”
You don’t move.
“Nellie,” his voice lowers an octave – a sign of foreboding. “It’s wise that you do what I say right now and give me that bag.”
You hand it over to him with a trembling hand, and he snatches it away. He lets out a cross between a laugh and a huff when pulls out the sole content of the bag:
Sejanus’s book.
“This book,” he says with pure disdain. “Really, Nellie? I was reading that for the past few days. It’s definitely not your choice of reading material, but it makes for a rather insightful reference to Sejanus’s last letter.”
So, he had your travel bag for quite some time and had been keeping it to himself.
“I was going to give you Sejanus’s final letter as an apology of sorts – after all, I did say some…distasteful things about our dead friend, and I thought you deserved to read our friend’s final words.”
Liar. He’s never giving you that letter, that knowing voice in your head says.
“I know what the letter says. Pity you never will, now.”
A part of your heart wilts a little at the thought. Whatever Sejanus had meant to tell you, he’ll soon be taking it to his grave.
“You’re going to destroy your evidence against me out of pettiness?” You say weakly.
“And because I don’t need it anymore,” he simply says. “Not with you constantly landing yourself in trouble and giving me something to use against you.
“Now why don’t we continue this conversation at home, sugarplum? You’ve inconvenienced quite the number of peacekeepers today, and they have other important duties to take care of.”
Still, you don’t move. Every cell in your body seems to refuse to – as if it’d rather wither and die than be with him even for a minute more.
Coriolanus exhales and pinches his nose bridge in an aggravated fashion.
“Private!” he calls out.
A pair of heavy boot steps approach and a peacekeeper salutes him and awaits his command.
“Some matches, if you please.”
The peacekeeper places a matchbox in his outstretched palm and salutes once more before marching out of sight.
“I’ve always wondered how fast paperback books burn,” he mutters, loud enough for you to hear.
Your eyes widen as you watch him throw the book on top of a nearby crate. He lights a match and holds it threateningly above the book, his face contorted in a taunting sneer.
“Have you lost your fucking mind?” You can’t help but blurt out in panic. All the wooden crates you’re surrounded with – he’s basically igniting a building-sized bonfire. “You’re going to burn this place to the ground with us in it!”
“Then you will come home with me this instant.”
With a single look into those crazed, blazing eyes, you can tell he isn’t merely fooling around. You take a tentative step closer to him, and he shakes the match until the fire goes out and picks up the book.
“For safekeeping,” he says as he tucks the book inside his coat pocket and grabs you closer by the arm.
You never had a chance to look around where you’ve been taken to – apparently a more secluded area in the Capitol train station where they store unclaimed freight packages. He drags you to a lesser-known exit at the back of the station building where his car is waiting, and he all but throws you inside and slams the door shut. His handling gets a little gentler when he escorts you from the car across his building’s lobby, but once he’s crossed the threshold to his apartment door, he grips you with bruising intensity. He takes you, squirming in vain in his grip, into his bedroom and shoves you on his bed, where you sit at its edge, avoiding his gaze and just about ready to cry but holding it all together by a thread.
“I am not angry, Nellie,” he begins, standing to his full height and looking down at you with a look that contradicted his words. “I’m disappointed and hurt that you would do this. I thought you and I had an understanding. I thought you were starting to adjust to your new life with me. Perhaps it was too early for me to trust you in that regard.”
Coriolanus grapples the back of your neck and inches closer so your noses touch. He whispers with every ounce of venom he can evoke, “You really thought you could escape me? You really thought I’d let you get away from me? This won’t do.”
He caresses your cheek with faux gentleness. “I will not have my future wife forget her place. Perhaps you need a reminder of who you really belong to.”
Your blood runs cold at his next words:
“On your knees.”
Without even thinking, your lower half slides from your perch on the bed and you kneel at his feet. You fix your terrified gaze on his shoes, but nothing can make you ignore the sound of his belt unbuckling. That alone gives you a clue as to what he’s about to make you do, and your insides twist at just the thought.
“Coryo, I’m sorry, please...”
“I don’t want your apology; I want your mouth.”
The way he shuts down your pleas ruthlessly earns a suppressed sob from you. Still, you look into his eyes and beg as more of your tears flow, hoping he still isn’t above reasoning.
“Please, Coryo, anything but this, please...”
He scoffs and curls his lips. “This is for your own good, sugarplum. So you’ll learn to never attempt to leave me again. Besides, you’re going to have to give me something in return for not executing your uncle on sight and just sending him to exile.”
Without breaking eye contact with you, he unzips and pulls his trousers down, and from his boxer briefs he takes out a fully erect, massive cock, its angry red tip swollen and dripping with precum – you shudder at the sight and close your eyes as a fresh wave of salty tears spills down your cheeks, imploring him for even an ounce of mercy.
“Coryo, please, no...”
He grips the back of your head sharply and snarls, “I said I want your mouth and I will have it.”
His free hand cups the side of your tear-stained face, his thumb prying your mouth open and pressing your tongue down.
“That’s it; open wide, sugarplum...and if you bite me, I will strap to you a chair and make you watch while I extract every single tooth from those test tributes you’re so fond of.”
A whimper passes through your throat as you look on, helpless, while Coriolanus grips his erection at the base and places its swollen tip on your tongue. The taste of him, salty and slightly bitter, and the smell of him almost makes you gag.
But nothing could’ve prepared you for the choking feeling of his entire girth being shoved as far as it could inside your mouth. He fills you up to the throat with a pleasured groan while you try your best to fight your gag reflex, your eyes watering as you focus on breathing through your nose – he isn’t even fully inside your mouth because he’s just so huge – your body automatically fights to get him out, but his hands are already firm on the back of your head to keep you in place.
“Wrap your lips around me...yes, just like that...” he strains.
“Need you to suck me off, sugarplum...”
So you do as he says, praying with all your might he makes quick work of this. He pulls out almost entirely, but shoves himself back inside your mouth with force, settling for a pace with bruising intensity.
As your jaw begins to strain from accommodating his size, your eyes inadvertently close as they water at the effort; he bunches your hair and yanks it with a commanding growl:
“This mouth is mine – look me in the eyes while I take what’s mine.”
So while he continues choking you with his cock, your tear-filled eyes stare right into his blue ones, glazed over with lust, his lewd grunts and moans filling up the room as his grip on your hair becomes vice-like.
“Sugarplum, you’re so beautiful with your mouth full of my cock...”
The praise doesn’t help quell your revulsion at being forced on your knees and used like a mere common whore.
“I need – Nellie, swirl your tongue around me – fuck, yes, you’re doing so well, sugarplum, taking my cock so well...”
You place your palms on his thighs for support as the pace and force of his assault on your throat increases – this seems to go on forever, until you feel his cock thicken inside your mouth, signalling his imminent release...
“Gonna make me come so hard with that pretty little mouth, my sugarplum...”
A few more sharp, uneven thrusts and his orgasm invades all your senses: his pleasured moans fill your ears as his tip rests on your tongue and fills your mouth with generous spurts of hot salty cum, which you can feel mixing with the drool coating your chin, and you watch as his eyelids flutter with pleasure while you smell his musk mingling with his rose scent.
Still gripping your head while his cock pumps the last of his spend into your mouth, he groans one last time and finally pulls out of your mouth, a trickle of your saliva briefly connecting your tongue and his tip. Finally, you can breathe, but not without consequences – there’s still that almost overwhelming smell and taste of him that amplifies at every intake of air. He manages a warning amidst his laboured breathing:
“Don’t spit it out.” Coriolanus tugs your hair as he commands, “Show me.”
Obediently, open your mouth, and some of his cum trickles down your chin in the process. His eyes cloud with satisfaction and his expression turns somewhat soft, almost reverent.
“You’re so breathtakingly beautiful, my sugarplum...” he praises. “I should have you do this more often.”
At this point, the stinging in your eyes brought about by the new set tears doesn’t surprise you.
“Now swallow. All of it.”
Keeping your eyes on his with as much hate as you can muster, you do his bidding.
“Show me,” he orders again.
He hums in approval when you do, and his thumb wipes the cum coating your chin and places it once more on your tongue.
“Clean it up, sugarplum.”
So you suck his thumb clean, and then, as if he hadn’t just humiliated you mere seconds before, he gently wipes all your tears on your cheeks and your drool with a handkerchief he takes from his coat pocket. He then rights his trousers while you stay kneeling on the floor, your eyes staring vacantly at his shoes.
A much gentler grip on your jaw raises your head once more to look up at him, and a hint of dread fills your gut.
Oh dear heavens. Is he going to make you do it again?
“You did well, sugarplum,” he says softly before those blue eyes darken with foreboding. His face edges nearer to yours when he bends down, hissing as he nuzzles your cheek, “But if you pull another stunt like that again; if you so much as even think of getting away, I won’t be so lenient.”
Please, you beg inwardly as a few more tears cascade down your cheeks, please, don’t make me do it again...
“You belong to me, Nellie, you got that?”
When he gets no response, he pulls away, his jaw tensing as he grips your hair and yanks it again. “Do not make me repeat myself, sugarplum. Or maybe you need me to drive the point a little further?” To drive his point, his other hand travels to the zipper of his pants.
“No, please.” You blanche at the thought of him taking you in the mouth again, so your reply is immediate. “I understand, Coryo. Please…”
Humming in satisfaction, he releases you at last; you back away from him immediately and hit the edge of the bed.
“Pick out one of the dresses I bought for you in your wardrobe. When I come back, I want my wife-to-be to look perfect and ready for tonight’s dinner.”
With this last command, Coriolanus Snow steps out of his bedroom and locks you inside his apartment yet again.
You’re not alone, your uncle wrote.
And yet, you’re cowering on the floor of your jailer’s bed, feeling very much so.
Enter Level 14
Next on Level 14 - Snowball takes Nellie to a dinner with old friends; the engagement is announced publicly; a cute character enters Nellie's life while she tries to cope with her uncle's exile and a fiancé who can no longer keep his hands to himself.
Author notes:
Please reblog and comment, it's always appreciated!
I've received asks about what to expect with the next level, and I think that helped me get grounded and stick to my plot points and avoid the chapter from gaining sentience and taking over 😂😂😂 so here it is above!!
#dark!coriolanus snow#dark!coriolanus snow x reader#Young!coriolanus snow#young!coriolanus snow x reader#named!reader#or#x OC2ndPOV#18+ only#dark!coriolanus snow fic#dark!coriolanus#dark!coriolanus fic#dark!fic
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Bet!
sorry if the whole theme is a little on the nose, but it was too perfect for angst to not just roll with it
Withdraw
Trigger warnings for implied non con drugs, PTSD, mentions of war, torture, withdrawals etc.
Bucky Barnes x F Reader
Chapter 1
4900 words
Angst, More angst, comfort.
18+ MDNI
Bucky has been feeling sick for weeks, by the time he starts to look it Steve's patience has run out and he forces him into the labs. Luckily figuring out the problem is much faster than getting him to acknowledge it. Unluckily, there isn't much anyone can do about it.
“He’s withdrawing”
“From what?” Steve asks, anxiety making his voice sharp
“Everything” Tony says, taking over from Bruce, “HYDRA were pumping him full of just about every drug going— appetite suppressants, sedatives-”
“-pain relief-” Banner adds, looking through the two way glass, “and some other compounds we can’t identify”
“Yet” Tony cuts in, “We’ll crack them pretty soon”
He’s aiming for confident. Steve can tell that he earnestly wants to help, so he offers him a tight lipped smile as he nods.
“He’ll be okay” Bruce says, sounding more certain, “but for right now he’s just going to have to ride it out”
There’s an apology in his tone.
“For how long?”
Tony shrugs, flicking through some notes-
“A while” is what the Stark finally decides, “A couple of days, maybe? It depends on what half of this shit is, and how the serum-”
“Can’t you do anything to make it-”
“Steve” Bruce cautions, “We’re doing everything we can”
The ‘don’t push it’ is implied.
Tony is still unhappy about Barnes even being in the tower, let alone in his lab.
The blonde nods again. He’s about to rattle off a ‘thank you for your help’ when the door to the adjacent room opens.
Bucky is perched on the edge of the examination table. He’s shaking like he’s having a seizure, with hair hanging in sweat dampened pieces in front of his eyes.
His eyes look rabid. His pupils are blown and they’re ringed with deep-set bruises.
Y/N decides to approach him slowly, not even sparing a glance in the direction of the two way mirror that she just knows people are watching them through.
“Hi, sweetheart” she coos, coming to a stop a few feet away from him, “How’re you feeling?”
The man doesn’t reply. He doesn’t even blink.
“Not great?” She guesses, reaching out carefully to press her hand flush against his brow, “Still feel like puking?”
He’s clammy, his skin is damp and cool under her touch—
“Mhmm”
A hum is better than no response at all, so she takes it, letting her arm fall back to her side.
“Y/N, if you can convince him to give us a blood sample we might-”
Bucky flinches as the in wall speakers crackle to life above them. She shoots a harsh look at the mirror and her brothers voice vanishes as quickly as it’d come.
“Was that one test too many?”
It’s only then that his eyes roll up to hers.
God, he looks sick.
“-‘m, um, I'm sorry” he whispers, voice cracking painfully around the word,
She just shakes her head, waiting to see if he’s going to say anything else. For a moment, she thinks that he won’t. That he’s going to settle back into silence, but then, he blinks at her,
“Wh-what’s happenin’ to me?”
The waiver in his voice reminds her just how brave he’s being. It’s clear that he’s suffering, that he’s in pain, and the she knows how much he hates being anywhere as remotely clinical as the lab-room where he’s been waiting in for hours, she thinks that it’s a miracle he’s daring to ask her anything, she thinks, let alone something about himself;
“Well…” she begins, “…From what we can see HYDRA had you hooked on a bit of a cocktail…” she pauses, letting him absorb what she’s saying, “… We’re still trying to figure out the exact amounts, Buck-That book we’ve got gives us some clues, so does how you’re feeling, and the readings we’ve got from the scan”
Bucky sniffs, swallowing bile as it floods his mouth again. Everything is spinning, he screws his eyes shut, until the darkness of his eyelids becomes a blinding white, and he’s so scared by the change that he snaps them back open, reaching out to take hold of her fingers in a last ditch attempt at finding some facet of comfort—
Y/N’s heart melts at the gesture. She curls her hand around his, and lets him settle himself for a beat,
“Some blood would tell us more about what is causing what… it’d make it easier to figure out exactly what everything they gave you was for—”
“C-can” he gulps, “can you make it stop?”
There’s no point in lying to him, she decides, He’s had enough of that already—
“No” she says honestly, “Probably not, sweetheart… It looks like you’re goin’ to have to just let it pass regardless, but if we can figure out the details we might be able to take the edge off”
He’s starring at her. His expression is so hopelessly defeated that she can’t help but step closer towards him;
As she moves in, standing directly between his thighs, he crumbles, he visibly shatters, folding forwards with a terrible shudder- The way her hand lets go of his, moving so that she can wrap her arms around his back is a reflex. She’s rewarded with the feeling of him burying his face in her stomach as his lungs start to strain.
“Cou-could you st-stay here?” he asks, voice muffled by fabric and tremors, “If.. I-f I give the sample w-w-would y-you stay?”
“Sure” Y/N agrees quickly, “I can stay right here, okay? We can have Bruce slip in and grab it, you’ll only have to move your arm”
“Okay” he says bravely, “J-just Bruce, ri-right?”
“Just Bruce” she promises, nodding at the mirror, “We can get Steve too, if you want? I’m sure he’s around-”
“Please” Bucky bursts, “P-please don’t— I- I d-don’t w-want him seein’ me like this”
“Okay” she replies calmly, “No Steve”
The door opens quietly, Y/N looks over and smiles encouragingly at the doctor as he makes his way towards them, already holding everything he needs in gloved hands;
“I bet he’s busy, anyway” She’s says, looking back at the mirror, knowing that the blonde is watching behind, “SHEILD will have him up to his neck in paper work for the next month and half now he’s back in their good books.”
She understands why Bucky might want to hide this whole situation from Steve. They’re both protective over the other, and neither is very good at letting the other one fret no matter how justified it might be—
“Okay Sargent Barnes-” Bruce says, almost in introduction-
“Bucky” he corrects shakily,
“Bucky” the man agrees, ignoring the way that the man is still hiding his face against Y/N’s front, “I’m going to bring your sleeve up now, alright? Just try and keep still, I’ll be as quick as I can”
Y/N strokes Bucky’s back, as he nods in agreement, and then when she sees the tourniquet going on above his elbow, she feels him freeze completely. She can only imagine how difficult this is for him, how many horrible memories it must be triggering. Before the needle slips into his skin, she holds him a fraction tighter, and then, when the blood starts to draw, she presses a kiss against his head.
To his credit, Banner is fast.
The whole thing is done in a matter of seconds.
Still, Barnes is hyperventilating now. His ribs are straining, breathes coming in quick shallow bursts that he can’t make any effort to slow.
Bruce doesn’t notice though, or if he does, he’s too polite to comment- He takes his prize and disappears with nothing more than a curt nod in Y/N’s direction;
“All done, handsome” the woman coos after a moment of quiet, “What do you want to do now, huh?”
That question takes Bucky by surprise. It’s clear from the look on his face when he finally shifts to peer up at her that he’d been expecting her to say maybe anything other than that
“Do you have to go?”
“No” she says fairly, “We can stay here, but you’re only going to keep feeling worse, and it’s more comfortable up in the—”
“I can leave?” he asks, clearly confused, “I.. I th-thought you w-were going to- to leave me here until I-”
“No” she says again, “No, Bucky… Of course you can leave, you can go anywhere you want”
Now he only looks more muddled.
He really had been expecting to be locked inside this horribly bright room so he could ‘ride this out’ without causing any trouble.
The idea of not being left in total isolation in an empty, clinical suite genuinely hadn’t crossed his mind.
Y/N thinks that’s awfully sad.
“…Y-you said ‘we’…” Bucky murmurs next, “D-di-did you mean—”
“I’ve taken the week off work” she tells him softly, “I’m all yours, sweetheart— Someone’s got to keep an eye on ya’, and since you’ve already said ‘no’ to Steve I figured-”
“I l-love y-you” he stammers, feeling horribly unworthy, “I- I-I’m s-sor-”
Y/N cuts his apology short by tilting his head up, so that she can press a gentle kiss against his lips.
“I love you too” she swears, smoothing his hair back affectionately, “Baby, and you’ve done so well with all of this, but now I think we should get you out of here.”
Bucky just nods, barley believing his luck- He’s way too far gone to question it, though, so he doesn’t, he just waits, hoping that Y/N will take the lead,
“If he stops tolerating fluids we can arrange an IV ” Bruce’s voice announces via the speakers, “some of these compounds look similar to ketamine, which means—”
“Hallucinations are likely” Y/N inserts calmly, “Yes, Thank you, Dr Banner— I’ve read the same material as you, and I’m well aware of the implications of non-medicated withdrawal”
That information is clearly new to Bucky, who suddenly looks rabid with fear
“H-halluciations?” he parrots, trying to stop himself from crying, “Y-you mean—”
“Don’t worry” she soothes, “You’re going to be okay, It’s alright…”
It’s not, he thinks frantic, I’m dangerous, I—“Hey” Y/N says, tone a little firmer, “Hey, Bucky, look at me-”
He does. His eyes snap to hers, and the moment they do, she finds herself wishing that he was looking anywhere else.
“I promise” she murmurs, “I promise you’re going to be okay”
“I’m scared” he tells her honestly, “Doll, I— god, I— I’m so scared”
Her heart shatters in her chest.
She can feel the shards of it aching, as she reaches up to cup his cheeks.
After everything he’s been through, after all the terrible, horrible things he’s survived, it seems awfully unfair that there’s still more he has to suffer.
It’s no wonder he’s terrified. He’s clearly hurting, and his body is just starting adjust to the lack of drugs it’s been accustom to for nearly 100 years. It doesn’t help that the only facts she’s been able to give him is that it’s probably going to get a whole lot worse before it gets better.
“I know” she whispers, “I know you are”
His lower lip is quivering, his are eyes full of tears and suddenly, he doesn’t look manic, anymore, he doesn’t just look tired, or sick, he looks totally, completely, shattered.
“But, I’m not leavin’ you—” he hears her swear, “—I’m going to look after you okay? No matter how bad it gets, I’m going to make sure you’re alright, I promise”
Steve watches his oldest friend clutching Y/N’s hand and half stumbling out of the lab, and feels guilt flooding his chest like poison.
He wants to help. He wants to make it all go away, but he can’t. He knows he can’t, and even though it’s illogical, he can’t help but feel sickened by how helpless he is in the situation.
“You did the right thing, Cap” Bruce says in consolation, “You got him here, you convinced him to let us run the tests-”
“I lied to him” Steve counters, “I told him I was goin’ to the office-”
“and I told Y/N I didn’t mind my kid sister shacking up with the guy who killed our parents” Tony cuts in dryly, raising his hand to silence Steve’s budding defence of the man, “My point, is that sometimes we lie to the people we love, welcome to the twenty-first century.”
He shrugs, looking pointedly back at his notes.
“weren't they together before you found out about that?” Bruce asks, before remembering that they're supposed to be avoiding that topic all together, “not that it matters - he’s right, Steve— He’s okay, we’ve got some good data, hopefully he’ll clean up quickly enough-”
Tony barks out a laugh that he tries to disguise as a cough when he see’s the genuine look of upset that Steve is wearing.
“Sorry” he says, “But that guy’s blood is… it’s something else… he’s got a hell of a come down headin’ his way”
“But he’ll be fine?” Steve asks, terrified again, “Right?”
“Right” Bruce answers instantly, “Right, just-”
“Not for awhile.” Tony finishes,
“Y/N isn't a child” the other man cuts in helpfully, “and, she has more than enough experience handling Barnes-”
“She’s not his handler” The other Stark bristles, “She loves the guy, which is the only reason I’m-”
“I didn’t mean it like that” Bruce says, calm tone working at diffusing Tony’s budding irritation, “but, again, he’s right Steve— She dotes on him, I think we should leave them to it for a couple of days at least— FRIDAY can keep an eye out”
He doesn’t like the idea of staying away, but it’s clear that he doesn��t have a choice. Barnes had said that he didn’t want him interfering, and he can’t say he blames him. Dignity isn’t something he’s had a lot of, over the years. HYDRA clearly hadn’t been very big on it, so robbing him of the little privacy he’s trying to have would be absurdly selfish.
By the time both Bucky and Y/N have made it back to the room they share, the man is drenched in sweat. He’s shaking so much that he’s barely managing to walk, flesh arm draped around his partners shoulder for support.
“Okay, love, I know… It’s okay, we’re here, you’re alright” she soothes, locking the door behind them, “FRIDAY, lets turn the heat up— Keep it high for the next 48 hours.”
The ‘Yes, boss’ that usually follows a command is drowned up the the sound of Bucky’s retching.
It’s loud, and hollow and he’s hunched over at the waist, and then, he’s puking, stomach acid burning up his throat as he screws his eyes shut—
“Alright” Y/N murmurs, adjusting herself around him the best she can, “Alright, it’s okay”
It’s not. He’s not—
He tries to straighten himself out, but the second he tries to move, it feels like he’s being kicked in the ribs. He doubles over, and then, just as the second round of hurling stops, he drops to his knees.
Y/N can’t catch him, he’s way too heavy, but she can wait until he’s still before moving round to his side, and running her hands through his hair, holding it away from his face as he starts throwing up again.
It hurts. He hasn’t eaten in days, which is probably why it feels like knives are being twisted in his stomach as he continues to cough wetly into his own lap.
“You heard what Bruce said about fluids, right?”
He nods as much as he can with the way she’s holding his hair.
If I can’t keep them down, I get an IV.
She suspects the way that he’s processed the sentiment is a little off. She thinks that she should probably remind him that hooking him up to a saline bag won’t be a punishment he earns by not drinking enough, but now doesn’t seem like the time. Not with the way he’s starting to sob-
Hollow, gasping cries are rattling his chest, tears starting to stream down his face, mixing with whatever other bodily fluids are shining by his jaw.
“Okay, Buck...” she soothes, taking a hair tie from her wrist and using that to hold his hair in place, “It’s all going to be alright”
Exhausted, blood shot eyes roll over to her as she slips into his field of vision.
He doesn’t believe her at all.
“Don’t leave me” is all he manages to say, “Please.. I— I d-don’t w-want to die on my own—Please I- I want to die with you.”
And then, just like that, he’s not just sobbing anymore.
He’s weeping. It’s loud, and uncontrollable. He’s shaking and looking at her with a look that she knows will stick behind her eyes forever;
“You’re not going to die” she promises lamely, tugging him into her chest, wrapping her arms around his back not caring for one second about the way that he’s still covered in puke, “But I’m still not leaving you on your own…”
Bucky disagrees with her. He can’t catch his breath, he can’t breathe and that alone might kill him. Let alone the way his entire body feels like it’s being torn apart from the inside out— This, whatever this new, incredible pain is, is worse than anything he remembers having lived through before, and some of that had nearly finished him off—
He gags, into her chest, feeling her hands stroking the burning skin of his back through the material that is clinging to his body, now.
“Oh, sweetheart” she sighs, “Lets get you in the shower”
While we can still move you
She doesn’t say that out loud. She doesn’t have too.
He’s not going to fight, or tell her that he doesn’t want to move— He just keeps crying as she helps him drag himself into their bathroom, and then, into the walk in cubicle, under a stream of warm water he doesn’t remember her starting.
The noise is soothing. So is the feeling of it rushing over him, drenching his hair, washing his face; and then, he sees her.
She’s naked, and perfect and kneeling down in front of him.
He’s still dressed, he realises with a blink that he’s still wearing his t-shirt and sweatpants.
Mechanically, he moves to take his shirt off.
It’s agony. He doesn’t know why, but the second he moves his shoulder it feels like the entire seam of his scar is tearing open. His bones all feel broken. He makes a noise that sounds like a wounded animal, and then, Y/N is moving for him; she’s guiding the fabric up and over his chest, and she’s stroking his cheek as he whimpers and whines and finally kicks his legs free from his pants.
He feels like he’s just run a marathon, like he doesn’t have an ounce of energy left. So he just lets himself fall back against the towels, crying, and shivering under the spray of water.
Y/N cleans him slowly, taking her time lathering him up in sweet smelling soap. She doesn’t touch is scar, though. It’s red, and angry, and it looks awfully painful.
HYDRA had a morphine substitute going almost round the clock when he was off ice, she recalls, that’s probably why.
“Can I touch your shoulder, love?” she asks calmly, “You can say no”
The reminder that he’s free to refuse is very much needed. The terror driven ‘yes ma’am’ he’s about to blurt out dies in his throat, and he just simpers for a moment before flexing metal fingers and whispering out a “Please don’t” that Y/N thinks might be the bravest thing she’s heard him say.
“Okay” she agrees with a smile, “Okay, Buck— I know it hurts”
“E-ev-everything hurts”
She nods, stroking his cheek with her thumb.
“I know” she says, “I know it does, I’m sorry”
“W-whats happening’ to me”
“You’re withdrawing” she repeats, knowing that he already knows “All those drugs HYDRA had you hooked on, baby, all of it’s gone— there was a pump in your arm, it kept it all on automatic but there isn’t anyone left to put in a re-fill, remember? so now you’re detoxing, it’s all leaving’ your system”
That all sounds like something he’s been told before. He remembers fragments of conversations, of talks with her, and her brother, and Bruce; about his arm, and about the components inside and how they were using them to medicate him— He remembers them deciding not to take it out, to let it run it’s course, not wanting to just cut him off cold turkey—
“I, I can’t do this” he whispers, “I- I need I— p-please j-just just-”
“We can’t” Y/N says sadly, “Bucky we tried, remember? There isn’t anything we can do, the units been deactivated and we can’t just throw another one in, it doesn’t work that way.”
He’s so hopelessly, crushingly defeated that all he can do is keep crying.
The feeling of his lovers fingers drifting across his face is the only facet of comfort he has, so when they stop, it’s more than he can bare.
His flesh hand shoots up to hers, so that he can press it back against his jaw with a look so desperate that she can feel her own chest aching;
“You’re going to be alright” she promises again, “We’ve run all the tests, love… It’s going to be a rough couple of days but after, when it’s all run it’s course you’ll feel better than you did before”
He doesn’t believe there’s going to be an after. He’s honestly certain that he’s going to die in agony before anything can ‘run it’s course’ -
“I know you’re scared, I know it’s all too much” she murmurs, leaning in to kiss his brow, “But, you’ve done it before… so many times, love… and this time, I’m going to be here, you’re not going to be on your own”
A line forms between his eyes, he doesn’t remember, he—
Oh, oh god.
He remembers hell. He remembers flashes of something he’d hoped had been nightmare— stone walls, and clawing at his skin until it tears open underneath his fingers, and, and the sound of screams, of his own screams until his voice gives in, and, no, not it’s all way too much—
He’s throwing up again, even though nothing is coming up. He’s gagging and spluttering and his heart is racing.
Y/N realises what must’ve triggered this reaction, and shakes her head the second he can see—
“Don’t think about that” she whispers, “there’s a reason you don’t remember it all, okay? It’s not your fault and it’s not important— What is important, is that you hear me, okay? I’ve got you, and this, this is all going to be okay”
The nod he gives her is barely a twitch, but she catches it all the same, and then, a few minutes later when she turns the water off, and feels flesh fingers reaching out for her hand, she catches that too.
She is the only thing he cares about right now. His entire world is searing, blazing pain, but she, she is soft, and kind and he loves her, and he trusts her and even though he’s still half convinced that this is really going to kill him, if he gets to die holding her hand then maybe the pain won’t seem so bad.
Bucky doesn’t remember her helping him put boxers on, or how he got into their bed.
He remembers the way his crying had gotten more hysterical when she’d let go of his fingers so that she could put a towel on the floor beside him, and he remembers the way that when she’d gotten under the covers he’d rolled over, ignoring the way that his whole body had felt like it’d torn apart at the action, so that he could bury his face in the crook of her neck— so that he could sob into her skin and cling onto her body in an attempt to keep her close.
“My sweet, sweet boy” Y/N purrs, taking the hint and tugging him into her front, “If you want anything… anything at all, you just tell me, alright?”
“Y-you” he gulps, “I- I want y-you— I- I need you, I— I’m s-so scared— I- I j-just want you here”
“I’m here” she whispers, trying to calm him down, “I’m right here”
He forces a nod. This time, the action is more notable, so is the way his hands tighten around her waist, locking himself in position so firmly that nothing, nobody, would stand a chance at prising him away.
“Hush now” she says, stroking his hair, “You just keep breathing for me, okay? that’s your only job right now… you just need to breathe, and rest”
Breathe, and rest.
“I-I’ll t-try I— I swear”
His promise is hissed out through gritted teeth, but Y/N still smiles when she hears it. She smiles, and kisses the top of his head, feeling his sobs becoming quieter and quieter until eventually, they fade off into the kind of quiet, uneven gasps that usually means he’s asleep.
Thank god, she thinks, praying he’ll stay that way for awhile.
1 | 2 | 3a
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Last Chance to Dance (Rockstar! e.m. x fem reader)
🚨🛑🔞18+++ MINORS DNI - YOU WILL BLOCKED🚨🛑🔞
TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNING
(For entire series):
Rockstar! Addict! Sweet! Mean! Eddie, smut, unprotected p+v, fluff, fingering (f receiving), masturbation, oral (m+f receiving), heavy drug use, descriptions of IV drug use, swearing, talks of anxiety, panic disorder, mental illness, talks of suicide
Summary: Modern Eddie + reader are early 30s. Eddie is the famous lead singer/guitarist of Corroded Coffin, who has gotten himself into legal trouble due to his antics and drug use. Eddie broke your heart many years ago and he receives a letter from you asking to meet to talk about what happened between you two so long ago. Secrets are talked about, mental walls are built and broken down. Most of this series will be in Eddie's POV. (I will also be putting song inspirations on each part 🤍)
Word Count: 5k
A/N: There will be a LOT of mentions of heavy drug use in this series. This series DOES NOT glorify the use of drugs. It is not cool, it is not fun, it is something that destroys people and everyone around them. I have loved and lost people I know to drug and alcohol use, a lot of what you read here is my own personal experience from what I have seen with my own eyes. I hope this series will spread awareness and will give anyone and everyone who reads this hope. If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, please know you are not alone, there is help out there.
The silence is almost deafening as I sit there in my dimly lit office, tapping my finger against the arm of the chair; the metal of my ring clinking as I stare at my therapist, Dr. Catherine Ryan, in front of me. She had a kind smile, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk today.
“What’s bothering you?” She asks gently.
I gaze at her, gnawing on the inside of my cheek. A stupid habit I formed when I stopped using six months ago.
Let’s see, I’m tired of the noise inside my head that is constantly reminding me what a piece of shit I am. I’m lucky that my bandmates don’t hate my guts for the shit I put them through on tour when I was needle deep in a heroin fog and couldn’t remember the lyrics to a fucking song I wrote. My music career is only surviving because the world thinks we’re on a hiatus to write our next album when I actually did a stint in rehab and have court ordered mandatory therapy once a week. The only way I can have therapy is if she comes to my escape cabin in upstate New York and escorted in and out by a security guard.
Oh, I also can’t stop thinking of you, the one whose heart I broke fifteen years ago back in Hawkins, Indiana because I was too scared to love or be loved. The same you who mailed me a letter that I received at my P.O. Box in Boston three days ago, that I haven’t opened yet and sits in my back pocket folded up, because I’m too much of a pussy to see what you have to say.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I tell her, taking a cigarette out of my pocket. I let the smoke fill my lungs and exhale the smoke away from her.
“What do you want to talk about?” She asks, crossing her legs. I stare at her long legs, and my eyes scan up her body. She was curvy and thick, with a perfect set of tits and stunning green eyes. I almost laugh, if a beautiful woman like her was in my house six months ago, it wouldn’t take long before I’d have her bent over the back of my couch, fucking her until she couldn’t take it anymore. But I couldn’t do that anymore. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, or whatever the fuck the saying is.
“Eddie, this is mandatory therapy. I can’t help you if you’re not willing to talk. We’ve had four sessions so far, and the only thing we have talked about is your drug habit.” She seemed annoyed, and I couldn’t blame her.
“I’m only here because of my drug habit.”
“Is that all?”
She was testing me, and I smile at her, leaning my elbows against my knees. “You know, I bet you are really good at helping people and are able to get your patients to sit here and cry about their shitty lives or whatever it is people tell you. But I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, you’re not gonna get it from me.”
“You keep up a guard. Defense mechanism, it’s common in people who have been hurt before.” She says, scribbling a note down.
I narrow my eyes. “I sense judgment in your tone, and I’m not sure I care for it.”
“It’s not judgement, Eddie. It’s an observation. I’m observing you.”
I sit back against my chair and scoff, lighting up another cigarette with the ember of the one I just had. I inhale deeply. “I think our session should be cut early today.”
She closes her notebook and gives you a kind smile. “If that’s what you want.”
“I do.” I tell her.
I get up from my seat as she stands, walking her to the door where the security guard waited outside. I may be an asshole, but I know how to be a gentleman. Chivalry isn’t dead when your name is Eddie Munson. She nods at me as she leaves, handing me her card for the time of the next session for next week and I close the door behind her. I stub out the cigarette in the ashtray and let out a deep sigh. I plop myself on the couch, hearing the crinkle of the letter in my back pocket and I lift my hips to pull it out. I look at the neat print on the front; seeing your handwriting brought back so many memories that I had forgotten about.
Why would you send me a letter? Is it just to tell me how happy you’ve been these last fifteen years since I’ve been gone, that you’re married with children, thriving in your thirties?
“Well, the only way to know is if you open the letter, dipshit.” I mutter to myself. I groan, shaking my head as I rip the letter open and unfold it. It was only two pages, but you had written a lot.
Hey,
You’re a tough guy to find, being famous and all. I didn’t think this P.O. Box was real at first, but I ended up tracking down Gareth and he told me it was real. I can’t believe he still has the phone number he’s had since high school.
I don’t know why I’m writing you a letter, I guess I could’ve just texted you, he did give me your number, but I wanted this to feel more personal. Like when I’d write you those stupid folded notes in class.
I know it’s been a long time, and you’re probably thinking I’m absolutely insane, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you lately. There are so many things that I wanna say to you. There are so many things that were left unsaid, and I guess lately it’s been bothering me. You’re probably not even going to get this, so I don’t even know why I’m continuing to write.
I don’t want you to think that I hated you or have hated you this whole time. It would be easier to hate you, believe me, I’ve tried but I physically cannot have that kind of power over me. I’m proud of you, Eddie. You worked so hard to get to where you are, and you made your dreams come true. I knew you could.
I want to tell you I’m proud of you in person; to let you know that what happened in the past stays there and we can both move forward in a way. I mean, I just told you now. I know you’re really busy and I feel stupid now. But I will be in Boston in December, the week of the 18th while my aunt is down in Florida for the week, house sitting. Gareth had mentioned you and the band were taking a hiatus to focus on the writing and doing some self reflecting. I would love to see you, especially with the holiday season.
It’s not every day you get to see the boy you’ve known since diapers be on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine, selling out stadiums.
Please don’t feel obligated, though.
I suddenly forgot how to swallow, and I almost choke on my own saliva. You had written your phone number on the bottom of the last page. I swing my legs onto the floor, taking my phone off the coffee table. I scroll to my contact list, and add your name, along with your phone number.
I pause, my hands begin to shake, and I inhale deeply.
“No no no, not now, not now.” Grimacing, I sit back on couch, closing my eyes as my stomach turns to knots and my chest feels like it was going to explode. I can feel the sweat bead at the back of my neck as the panic attack feels like it’s choking me out and I groan. I go into the drawer of the coffee table, pulling out the lorazepam pill bottle, taking a minute to open the cap because my hands were so sweaty. I throw the pill in my mouth, swallowing it dry and breathe in through my nose.
This happens more often now, especially since being off dope, I had to learn how to deal with them like a normal thirty-four-year-old man. It took a lot of convincing for my doctors to give me the lorazepam, but apparently threatening to go and take a hot shot of heroin to kill myself was convincing enough for them to give me the lowest dose of the stupid pill.
I close my eyes. Thinking back to how I got here; how I could’ve lost everything because of my own stupidity, because of my inability to slow down, because I took sex, drugs, rock and roll too literally. All because I refuse to let love into my soul and hold on tight.
One year earlier
The dressing room walls echo with the moans of myself and...I don’t even remember her name. Sarah? Shelly? It doesn’t even matter. I only see the back of her head anyway; she was very blonde. I hold onto her hips tightly, slamming my cock in and out of her. She was screaming like a porn star, and I’m pretty sure she was putting on a show.
“Oooooh, just like that baby. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me. Oh goddd, you’re so fucking good.” She moans and I roll my eyes, slamming into her harder just to get her to shut up. I reach over to the coffee table to grab my tiny vile of cocaine, I pop open the cap, and pull out of her for a moment. She was still rolling her hips as I sprinkle the drugs onto her ass.
“Stop fucking moving.” I tell her, grabbing the plastic straw and snorting back the drugs into my airways. She moans again when she hears me snort another line off her, and I slam myself back into her. My head falls back in pleasure, the effects of the cocaine causing every single part of my body to pulsate, and I can feel my orgasm approaching.
“Fuuuuck.” I moan, my rhythm getting sloppy, and she groans.
“Cum inside me baby, cum inside me.” She moans and I immediately feel myself go soft. Fuck this. I stop moving and slide myself out of her, she turns to look at me, her mouth opened in a gasp. “Why did you stop?”
I take a cigarette out of my pack and light it. “Get out.”
“What?” She snaps.
“Get your shit and get the fuck out of my dressing room. Telling me to cum inside you, I know what you’re doing.” I take her dress off the floor and throw it at her. Her eyes narrow and she gets up from the couch, throwing the dress over her head.
“You weren’t even that good, fucking junkie!” She yells at me, and I can’t help the laugh that escapes my lungs. She looked like a cartoon character. Her eyes wild, her hair a wild mess, her fake tits bouncing as she storms out of the room. I lean back on the couch, a little mad that I didn’t cum, but whatever, that’s what my hand is for. I don’t know why I invite these women back to my dressing room after every show. Most of the time, these women don’t even know the words to our songs, they just want to be able to tell their friends they fucked a rockstar.
I sigh, opening the vile and do another bump. I’m one hundred percent in love with heroin, but I’m an addict. Cocaine just takes the edge off when I need it to. I tie my hair back in a low bun, blowing my bangs out of my face. I stand, catching a glimpse of myself in the fluorescent lit vanity mirror. The lighting made me look terrible; I was thinner than normal. The ram skull tattoo across my abdomen looked discolored, but I know it was just the way the light was hitting it. I was losing muscle mass in both of my arms, but since tattoo sleeves covered both my arms, no one could notice. No one knew how bad it was getting with the dope; I honestly preferred to suffer in silence about it, but I knew they noticed. I would feel Gareth’s eyes burn into the back of my skull whenever I would escape to go into a bathroom, or immediately go into my hotel room to get started on my new supply. I felt terrible keeping it from him, he was my brother, my bandmate, but he didn’t need to worry. I was fine, at least that’s what I told myself.
We had awhile before we hit the next city of the tour. The tour bus felt too crowded, too stuffy. We all decided it would make sense to hide out in a hotel for a few days before we got to Atlanta.
I requested my own room of course, the supply I just bought felt like it was burning a hole in my pocket. Isn’t that what they say about money?
Money meant nothing to me; if I lost it all tomorrow, I wouldn’t care. That’s the beauty of this drug, you don’t have a care in the world once that shot courses through your veins.
I lock the door to my room after saying goodnight and head into the bathroom. I pull my shirt over my head and undo the belt from my jeans. I set everything up on the table: fresh needle, the drugs, and water bottle cap.
It doesn’t take long for me to pull the dope into the syringe, at this point it’s like riding a bike for me. I sit on the floor against the bathtub, I wrap the belt around my left arm, pulling it tight with my teeth and clench my fist. I see the most perfect vein pop up in the bend of my arm; I have to be careful though, I can’t go to the same spot twice or else I’ll blow up my veins and then more people will notice.
I’ve always hated needles, isn’t that ironic? I’m thinking that as the tip of it pinches my skin and my thumb is on the trigger, slowly pushing it down.
“A spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down…” I sing softly, feeling the sweet burn of the heroin flow like a tsunami in my veins. My eyes flutter close as the most beautiful feeling overcomes me; my head lulls back against the porcelain and I feel a smile grace my lips.
A loud knock at my door startles me out of my high, and I’m pissed.
“Hang on a second.” I mutter and awkwardly pull myself up, undoing the belt from my arm. I place the cap on the needle and toss it behind the doors under the sink.
Knock knock knock knock knock
I toss my sweatshirt over my head, putting a cigarette to my lips. “Yeah, I hear you! Fuck, I’m coming.”
I open the door to find Gareth standing there with his arms crossed, I light the cigarette and wave my hand, tilting my head at him. “Yeah?”
“What are you doing?” He asks me.
“What do you mean what am I doing? I’m not doing anything.” I inhale on the cigarette, and he continues to stare at me. If there was a God, I thank him for giving me brown eyes, because at least he wouldn’t be able to see how my pupils look like pinholes. “Do you wanna come in?”
I move to the side, and he walks by me, I shut the door, locking it.
“Do you want a beer or anything?” I ask him, going into the mini fridge, pulling out two, I could feel myself about to nod, but I quickly stand up, clearing my throat so I can at least look like I’m not fucked up.
“No, I’m fine.” His eyes scan every inch of my room, the floor where my clothes were, Sweetheart laying on the foot of my bed. My necklace I always wore with the red guitar pick laid on the nightstand by the bed. I always take it off before I shoot up, I don’t know why, I think something is going to happen to it if I don’t, it means a lot to me. His eyes fix on my belt on the bathroom floor, he doesn’t say anything, but I know what he’s thinking.
“Gareth, if you got something to say, man, just say it.” I tell him, leaning against the small table, I ash my cigarette into a coca cola can.
He turns to me; he was still blessed with a baby face that I remember from school. “How bad is it getting?” He almost whispers.
“How bad is what getting?��
“The drugs, man. Come on dude, I know you’re not stupid.” He sits across from me on the foot of the bed, gently moving Sweetheart over.
I sigh. “Gareth, I’m fine. It’s not getting bad.”
He puts his head down, shaking his head. “Don’t fucking bull shit me, Eddie. I’ve known you for almost two decades. Have you even looked at yourself lately?”
I close my eyes, feeling a wave of anxiety hit my lower gut, and I force it to go away by not caring. “Don’t worry about me, man. I’m serious.”
“Of course, I’m gonna fucking worry!” He stands up, his face full of rage. “If you fuck up this tour, our entire music career is in the gutter! How many times have I had to bail you out when you’ve been coming down from a cocaine binge and are late to rehearsal? How many goddamn times have I had to convince cops not to arrest you when you’re inebriated beyond belief. It’s getting fucking old, man.” He towers over my 6-foot frame and again, I start laughing.
His eyes widen. “Are you seriously laughing right now?
“Yeah.” I chuckle. “I am, because it’s funny how you think I’m gonna be the one who’s gonna fuck up this tour. I built this band from the ground up, nothing and no one is gonna fuck that up.”
“Oh fuck you, dude!” He yells at me. “You built this? What happened to you saying this entire band was built on friendship, loyalty and fucking friends who play nerdy games? What happened to that Eddie?”
“Dead.” I give him a sideways smile. “Dead dead dead.”
He looks at me incredulous. “Wow. You’re an actual nightmare.”
“You’re the one who decided to knock on my door.” I place the cigarette in the can, hearing it sizzle out. I cross my arms over my chest, already itching for another shot. “Anything else?”
He scoffs, walking towards the door and stepping out. “No. Have a good night, Eddie.”
“Yeah, you too!” I scream at his back as I shut the door, locking all the locks and kicking the bottom of it. Suddenly, the chair near the table gets a boot from me, followed by the lamp, the paintings on the walls. I smash the beer bottles against the windows, and when I’m finally spent, I collapse on the bathroom floor, digging out the needle. I’ll leave the hotel a couple hundred dollars to pay for whatever I damaged; I’ll hopefully remember to clean up tomorrow.
I’m pretty sure I put too much in it this time, because I’m riding something wild right now. My eyes are half lidded, my breathing is slow but it’s such a peaceful feeling.
“Makes the medicine go down…medicine go down…”
The beginning of that year was when shit started going downhill fast for me. Once I had gotten my panic attack under control, and I felt calmer, I sent you a text message, realizing that tomorrow was the 18th. I typed up, deleted, typed up, deleted, about six different times before finally sending you: Hey stranger, it’s Eddie. Pretty wild to hear from you. I’m currently up in my cabin in upstate NY, but if you are gonna be in Boston. I can make the trip. It would actually be awesome to see you. Hope you are well.
I forgot how nervous you made me, even back then. You were such a kind, beautiful soul, who loved me and took care of me when I didn’t deserve it. I was so nervous all the time because I really loved you too, but I couldn’t…wouldn’t let myself feel it. You were the only woman in my life that knew me, and actually saw me. You were my best friend, always my partner in group activities in elementary school. It was us against the world the minute I kissed you for the first time when we were eighteen, and then it ended with me, burying my head in the sand, because I’m a fucking idiot.
My phone dings and I see your name pop up.
Hey!!! Wow, your own cabin huh? Are you a mountain man or something this winter season? I’m sorry if my letter was all over the place, I really should’ve just texted you but, whatever. Here we are now. Yes! Let’s meet, I can give you a spot to meet for coffee? Unless you just want my aunt’s address, I don’t know how Boston is when it comes to famous people.
I type up a message: Boston is one of those cities that is wild to play on stage in front of, but the people don’t give a fuck if you’re famous. Which is why I bought a condo there, I can live out some downtime in peace. Coffee sounds great. Just let me know a time when you are settled.
You quickly respond: Ha! Boston is pretty rad. I’m already here, I got here a day early. I know you got a pretty long drive so we can meet the day after tomorrow if you’d like? Say around 10?
I type up that that time and date worked for me and begin packing a small suitcase to take with me on the trip.
I honestly felt like I was dreaming all this; I get sober, you, a woman that was literally the one that got away because of my own fucking deep-rooted issues, comes back into my life and wants to see me? I feel like I’m living the Notebook. Except, the rated R version where Ryan Gosling is an ex-junkie, who doesn’t build houses, or used to blow cocaine off a woman’s asshole.
I groan, I already know I’m gonna fuck this up again.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The coffee shop you chose was a place I’ve never been before, it seemed newer, and no one batted an eye when I walked in. I take off my sunglasses and scan the place. It was quaint, quiet, with rustic undertones but mostly modern.
“Eddie?”
My eyes immediately fix on you, sitting in the back booth by a small window, and I feel my heart flutter down to my stomach. God, you were stunning. Your eyes still shone that sparkle in them, your smile was just as adorable as I remembered, especially the dimples in your cheeks. I whisper your name and find myself quickly walking towards you. You wrap your arms around my shoulders, and I let out a deep sigh, almost lifting you off your feet, as I hug the curves of your waist, burying my face into your shoulder. We stay like that for a while, you giggle into my chest, telling me you couldn’t believe it was me and that I was here. I didn’t want to let go, but I knew I had to. We pull away and you are still smiling, looking into my eyes, you lift your hand to gently curl your fingers into my hair and I smile at you.
“I love that you still kept this hair.” You say, shaking your head, looking like you’re still trying to process that I’m standing in front of you.
I gently cup your face, swallowing hard, studying you. You turn your cheek into my hand, and I slowly remove it. You nod for me to sit, and I scoot over into the booth, peeling off my leather jacket. I still stare at your face; I couldn’t believe you were real. The server comes over to take our coffee order, I get mine hot with triple espresso and a shot of caramel, and you get an iced coffee with a shot of vanilla and almond milk. I smile, you’ve kept the same order since you started drinking coffee.
Your eyes fix on mine, and I smile at you, sipping my coffee. “You haven’t changed.” I tell you softly.
“My back will have to disagree with you.” You laugh, spinning the straw with your finger. “You haven’t either, aside from more tattoos.”
I smile; remembering that you were there for most of my smaller ones. I had convinced you back then to get a large tattoo that started from under your breast, all the way down to the top of your hip; that was always my favorite part of you to taste. I cross my legs, feeling a tingle in my lower belly. Fucking pervert.
I notice a few finger tattoos on your right hand, and I nod to them.
“I told you they were addicting.” I laugh. “How many do you have now?”
You laugh, a sound so beautiful to my ears, I want to cry. “Sixteen? Seventeen?”
My eyes widen and I laugh. “No way! Let me see.”
You meet my eyes, your face turning crimson. Of course, there were hidden ones, I immediately feel like I overstepped and go to apologize when you speak. “It’s a lot of random ones, all over. I added some stuff to the rib piece.” That one you show me, you lift up your sweater, and I feel my dick twitch.
Pervert. Dirty pervert. It’s been fifteen years, put your dick away.
The cluster of wildflowers that started from your ribs to your hip had added roses to different spots they ended up entwining into a beautiful ivy vine, before falling off towards your back. I notice the bottom of a small piece on your sternum, and you pull your sweater back down.
“That’s beautiful.” I tell her, smiling. “What have you been doing these last fifteen years?”
“Well, I moved out of Hawkins.” I smile at that, she always wanted to leave that place. “I moved to Maine, I bought myself my own little cabin in the woods. I’m a nurse at the local hospital there.”
My heart practically bursts with pride, and I laugh. “See? You don’t have to be famous to have your own cabin. That’s wonderful, I know that was always a dream of yours, becoming a nurse.”
“Yeah, it’s fulfilling. Heartbreaking 99% of the time but fulfilling.” Your eyes fix on mine again, and we just share comfortable silence as we stare at one another.
“Your eyes are sad.” You say suddenly.
“What?” I snap myself back down to my reality; it was easy to get lost in your eyes.
“You look like you’ve been through hell and back again. Sorry for being blunt, I’m just sorry for whatever is bothering you.” Your eyes show me that same familiar kindness, and I smile awkwardly at you.
“I’m okay.” I tell you, only half lying.
You place your hand over my ringed fingers, gently entwining them. I stare at our hands, and gaze back into your eyes. “What am I doing here?” I whisper to you. I can feel my heart do another back flip, and my brain screams at me to get up and run because I can still feel your love.
Your fingers gently move over the bumps on my rings, and your eyes dart to mine. You spot the small silver chain around my neck, half tucked in my shirt, and you lift your hand to gently pull out the red guitar pick. You finger the plastic and smile. “Wow. You kept this all these years.”
“Of course, I did. I never take it off.” Except when I used to shoot dope, but that’s beside the point. I swallow the lump in my throat. “Sweetheart, why am I here?”
You sigh, giving me a sad smile. “Would it be weird if I said that I really fucking miss you? And for the last fifteen years, I haven’tstopped thinking about you.”
Heart exploding.
My breath hitches and my eyes widen slightly. “But…I hurt you…and I left—"
“I know, I know you did, but” you take my hand again. “Eddie, we were best friends. Since before we could even say those words. You were so important to me. You’re still important to me. How could we throw that away?”
I stare at you, reading your face, gazing at the shape of your mouth, the way your hair falls in waves, the curves of your breasts. I squeeze my eyes shut, pulling my hand away from yours. “You wouldn’t think that anymore once you know what I’ve done, who I’ve become.”
“Then tell me.” You say softly, your eyes dart from my lips, to my eyes. I stare at your lips, remembering how perfectly they fit against mine, how soft they were. How eager you would be when your tongue would slip into my mouth, deepening the kiss, your soft moans vibrating against my mouth as I carefully push myself inside you.
I meet your eyes; you’re waiting for me to say something. I shake my head, running my hands over my hair. I sigh. “How long you got?”
You look at your wrist at a fake watch. “About a week.” I laugh and lean back in my seat, sipping my coffee.
Yeah, I missed you too.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Special shout out to: @trixyvixx @originalstar1 @iggyizalien @themorticians-world
& so many of you who supported my last series.
I wouldn’t continue writing if it weren’t for you guys giving me the motivation to do it. Love you all!
#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x fluff#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson x smut#eddie munson fanfic#stranger things#eddie munson fem!reader#eddie munson comfort#rockstar eddie munson#Spotify
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There's Nothing Warm Between Us:
Il Dottore (Zandik) x AFAB Reader
(SFW, Fluff)
(Silly little drabbles I thought up in my head of a Modern Girl in Tevyat situation. Don't ask me how they met just know (Reader) was a STEM girlie. Residental lunatic needed an assistant and now they have awkward moments together cause they're both emotionally stunted. That's it that's the premise)
An exhausted animal sits in her little office at the end of the day, the door closed and a blanket around her shoulders. A moments peace usually wasted away by scribbling at reports and schematics. Experiments are more fun, well if you don't mind the rotten work that follows with it. She doesn't, not anymore at least, the blood washes down the drain at the end of the day anyways. There could be better ways at spending time than writing. Sleeping perhaps? Gods what those eyebags under her eyes would give just to get some fucking sleep. The lack of melatonin in Teyvat is a downright blasphemy. Big pharma and American healthcare had its wonderful little perks. Now she works for a man of many faces who you should probably never accept drugs from. Maybe when her courage arises to ask one of the more...softer? Segments for anything akin to horse tranquilizer then maybe. Zeta or Epsilon would probably help she thought, but when one listens the others will no doubtedly start asking as well. Damn Dottore and his connected consciousness. Wait would he help? The assistant tilted her head at the thought before shaking it indignantly. He has enough problems, his segments making up about twenty-four and himself making seventy-five of them. She's not going to be the one that breaks it to a hundred. Forcing her eyes awake and doubling down on the reports in front of her, the clock striking at five when she walks out of her own office and places the papers in a 'Done' folder outside of Dottore's office. A measured knock follows on the door to signify it's delivery, better than bothering him to tell him they're done. A couple segments passing by and nodding at her in greeting, Beta excitedly telling of his latest experiment. Delta notices the exhausted look in her eyes drags him away quickly, a thankful smile given from the assistant in turn. She retires to her office again and props her feet on her desk and leans back in the chair. Despite the futon next to the desk she knows if she falls asleep there she's waking up at 3am feeling like shit. Just for a moment, nobody will probably bother her. She leaves the blanket on the futon and falls asleep, embraced by the cold chill and the arms of the office chair.
POV Change:
A knock sounds at the door, Zandik stands at your office, wanting to go over some of the results from your report earlier. Hoping you haven't gone back to your quarters, or he could always bother you, it's not like you have anything better to do. After no response he checks to make sure your door is locked, surprisingly not. Opening the door slightly he lets out a soft sigh at your appearance. Arms crossed over your chest and head leaning onto your shoulder. He walks into your office quietly and debates waking you up for a moment. Most of his segments have been noticing your decreased energy as of late, a loss of weight as well. He frowns at the idea that you remind him of himself sometimes, though you're not a monster like he is. You've been distancing yourself again, most notably after the 4th anniversary of you appearing in Tevyat.
Should he ask how you're doing?
You'll probably just say you're fine and go back to working. A fools approach to a deer ready to flee at anything unknown. He gently lifts your glasses off your face and sets them on the desk.
Should he move you?
Would you wake up?
He tests his thoughts and leans down to lift up your legs and slides his other arm around the middle of your back. After making sure you don't wake up he moves you onto the futon, startling slightly when you shift around and curl in on your body. The warmth of your body seeps past his gloves and makes him retract his grip from prolonging it's welcome. He eyes the blanket and decides against covering you up, it's much more believable that you wouldn't if you moved yourself. He turns your chair, looks at the scene, and quickly and quietly removes himself from your office. Turning down the thermostat in hopes you wake up cold enough to move back to your own quarters.
Hours Later:
You wake up cold on the futon, looking around confused as your vision was blurred. Looking up to see your glasses setting on your desk, and office chair turned. It wouldn't be the first time you've moved half asleep. As you stood up you put on your glasses, slowly blinking to adjust from waking up you noticed something.
The stack of reports you finished earlier sitting neatly stapled and papercliped. Lying on your desk.
#dottore#dottore x reader#dottore x you#dottore x fem!reader#dottore x y/n#Jesus im so tired writing this sorry if its bad#no editing we die like men#dottore is zandik#god i wanna write about his goofy little segments
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My Kinda Different
Genres: Fluff, Smut (Poorly written)
Pairing: Jongho (Non-idol) X Alt Fem Reader
Warnings: Smut, lots of fluff, I subscribe to the Jongho bear agenda hardcore on this one, switch Jongho, bratty switch reader, reader curses a lot, chocking, ass slapping, squirting, unprotected sex (Use protection and get tested pls), reader calls Jongho “Cubby” derived from the word “cub”, AFAB reader and fem pronouns and names, tried making reader racially inclusive, Cum, drug use(Ac*d mentioned once), dacryphilia (Squint and turn your head to the side) if I’m missing anything please let me know
Author notes: Go easy on me it’s my first idol fic ~_~
Word count: 4.1K (I had a lot to say lol)
Minors dni
Smut starting now:
Loud music playing from your AirPod Max headphones can be heard by everyone sitting near you on the subway. Drawing even more attention to you as if your appearance wasn't loud enough. Carefully torn fishnets paired with stacked knee high black and grey socks that slightly showed over your demonia platform boots. A rather short olive-green cargo skirt you thrifted on your way home last week that you had to get, or you would simply "die". A simple black long sleeve crop top that stops at your pierced belly button. It had a double zipper right down the middle, the zipper at the top and bottom open so the shirt only covers your chest. lots of piercings covered your pretty face of course, it’s so on brand! Double pierced nose, medusa piercing, tongue (middle and snake eye) and eyebrow. Make up very natural with heavy eyeliner and thin 90s brows. With scattered tattoos on your skin. Yeah, you were something to look at.
You sat waiting for your stop with your sketch pad. When the train finally got to your stop you hopped up so excitedly. Everyone confused on how such a dark person can have such a bubbly vibe. Little did they know that you had the best person in the world at home waiting for you. You see, today marked your 1-year anniversary with the most amazing man in the world, Mr. Choi Jongho. Let's go back a bit just to refresh your memory.
You had given up on love after your 100th failed relationship, men and women all the same you tried and tried again they just kept disappointing you. Despite your hard and rough appearance, you deserved love too dammit! Where are your flowers and chocolate? Someone to go see pierce the veil with you. Your rave partner? Even someone to drop acid with? Nope that just wasn't written in the stars for you. That is until one day you were sitting at your favorite cafe working on your art class final project. You had been there for a while. A cafe worker walked up to you handing you a cup with tea in it.
You looked up looking at her with your natural bitch face. "I didn't order anything..."
"O-oh um...I know it's just that uh- the guy over there ordered this to give to you and yeah sorry for bothering you" She sat the cup on the table and hurried back to safety behind the counter.
You rolled your eyes at the workers dramatics and looked at the guy who sent the drink to you. He sat at one of the cafes comfy seating seats with his legs crossed with his phone in one hand and drink in the other. The guy looked like your any day prude. Light brown dress shoes, dark navy-blue slacks, dark grey long sleeve sweater and a button down. He had a really handsome face you had to admit, light brown hair, round framed glasses, a natural duck lip and cute little cheeks. He reminded you of one of the squish mellows you keep on your bed. You walked over to question him bringing your stuff and the drink with you. Once you reach him, he looks up from his phone.
"Oh, come over to join me? A Girl like you I thought I would need to do a bit more convincing than that, but I love the enthusiasm to get to know each other."
You arched your brows.
"The fuck are you talking about? I'm coming over to give you your drink back. I'm not interested." you stuck your hand out with the drink in it.
"That tea is a blend that makes you energized! I know most people assume tea makes you sleepy but that won't. Seems like you were super focused over there, so I decided to order you that. Enjoy!" he smiled at you and you kind of felt your heart throb.
You snapped out of the brief trance that cute smile had on you. "Look dude-"
"Jongho."
"What?"
"My name is Jongho, and yours?"
"What the f- its Y/N and I'm not fucking interested in you or this tea so here." you sat the tea down on the coffee table in front of him as a final protest. He giggles with his cute little smile.
"You're really cute Y/N, I'm going to take you out on a date next week if your free, okay?" he looked you in your eyes, but it looked like he looked directly in your soul.
"Listen Jongho I'm going to put this in terms you'll get. Fuck off."
And from that moment on you began your journey with Jongho. He didn't heed your warning and did the opposite of fucking off and visited you at the cafe everyday buying you new teas to try. You eventually caved and went on the date and the rest was history.
Now it's been a year and you just arrived at your shared apartment. You take your time taking off your clunky Platforms and yell "Baby I'm home."
Jongho appears from the bedroom. "Well, hello beautiful." He has his arms open while walking toward you because he knows that you are going to jump into them. Of course, you do with the world’s biggest smile on your face. You wrap your arms around his neck and squeezed him "Baby I missed you so much ugh please shrink down and live in my boobs or something so I can carry you everywhere." One thing Jongho loved about you is your colorful words and saying.
"If I could you know I would my love, but for now hurry and get dressed I want to take you out." he said as you released him finally.
"Take me out where?" you said with a puzzled look on your face.
"I'm taking you to this speakeasy restaurant that goes until like 3am. They have lots of vintage art and stuff and it's low-key. You'll love it. I'm already dressed so get ready."
Now that he mentioned it you decided to step back and get a good look at him. He had on black dress pants with a black leather belt and a black shirt tucked in with thin white strips. Pairing it all together with black rounded glasses.
"Not bad right? I tried to match your vibe." He kissed on your cheek and winked at you. "Now hurry up and get ready I know you're going to take forever." He slapped you on your ass while walking away.
"Fine, but I don't have anything to wear."
"Baby girl. It's me of course I got you a little something too. Go to the room and change now please and thank you." and that you did. You opened the door to your shared bedroom and on you bed was a dark purple long silk dress with a sexy slit on the side, a brand-new pair of platform heel boots, and lots of accessories to match. Oh, you could die at how good this man treats you. So excited to try on the dress in a hurry and slip on the accessories. When you're done you look in the mirror to check yourself out. Before you could put on your shoes you notice a new plushy has entered you room. A cute bear plushy with X and O for eyes. He had a card attached to him.
"Dear Y/N,
I hope you liked the dress I got you. I'm not much for expressing my feelings well but I hope you know for someone that claims to have such a dark and gloomy energy, you really are the light of my life. Even though you've been told you're “Weird" and "too different". I hope you know you're my kinda different. I love you my sweet baby.
-Love
Your fave plushy"
Oh, you couldn't take it anymore. You loved this man too much. Tears began to fall, and you sat on the bed squeezing the plushy. Jongho walks in just in time.
"I knew you were going to take forever baby come on we have to go to beat the crowd-" He looked up from his watch to see you crying with the plushy. "Ahh, I see you found Bear-ho" he walked over and sat next to you on the bed he wiped your tears while being careful not to smear your "Black as my soul" black liner. You chuckled at the name.
"Is that what you named him?"
"Yeah, you always say these things are your kids so I figured I would get you one so we can have a kid of our own." he smiled at you with the warmest and most endearing smile you think anyone has ever smiled.
"Aww cubby (A nickname you made because he reminds you of a bear) I love this so much how did I ever get this lucky." You leaned in to hug him. You used all your strength to push him down while you hugged him. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me Y/N, please always remember that." He looks you in the eyes and gives you a light peck. "You know in this dress you really look like a vampire queen."
"And you still look like a prude." you pecked his lips back.
"Hey! I like to think that I look very sexy today." he protested.
"Prudes are sexy too baby." You couldn't help yourself and dove back in for another kiss. This time it was more than just a peck. This kiss had love and passion in it. He wrapped his hands around your back to deepen the kiss. You decided to invite your tongue into his mouth, your two tongues now dancing with each other. He was the first one to break the kiss as you made a pouty noise in disappointment.
"Come on baby we have to go if we don't want to be in a huge crowd." He said while he grabbed your chin to make direct eye contact. He knew you; he knew you lost focus of the task at hand but that's why you two work so well. A Ying and Yang relationship, you're chaos and he enjoys it and keeps you in control. When you rage, he calls you cute and pinches your cheeks, when you're moody he gives you lots of cuddles and hugs and when your love for your sweet boyfriend makes you hornier than a sailor that just saw a woman for the first time in a year, he keeps you stable enough to still finish your plans for the day. However, this time may be a bit different. This time he can't control you. You needed him and you need him now and he knew better than anyone that you always get what you want. He knew that because he is the one that always gives it.
"I know but like fuck that place and fuck that crowd. I need to fuck you like right now." You fully climbed on top of him, hiking up your dress to sit comfortably while you place your other leg across him so you could sit on his crotch. You leaned back over him and begin placing hot open mouth kisses on his neck. He sighs while he places both his hands on each side of your ass. He knew if he would continue protesting it would fall on deaf ears.
"You liked your gift that much baby girl?" he started to snake his hands under your dress as he gripped your bare ass and thighs.
"Yes, I did Cubby" you continue the assault on his neck but this time being sure to lick from the middle of the neck to his ears. He lightly groaned, he’s very sensitive there, you wanted to try your best to have full control of the situation. You wanted to show him how much you appreciated him.
"My little Cubby is so sensitive let’s see what else I can lick." you lifted his shirt and started to kiss down his body leaving traces of your black liner and gloss lip combo (Well what was left of it at least). When you got to his chest you stopped at his nipples. "Hmm what about here. "Baby..." before he could say more you lightly licked his left nipple while you brushed the right one very gently with your thumb. He tensed up and made a cute little moan.
"Does my baby have little sensitive nipples? Do you like this Cubby?" You continued to lick and rub them and even added a little sucking action to really turn him on. He bit back his moans not wanting to admit that this felt so good.
"Baby don't hold back I wanna hear you moan too~ I guess I'll just have to stop and leave you like this." his little spoiled baby what was he going to do with you. I guess he had to show you who is really in control here. He gripped you on both sides of your hips and softly tossed you to the side of him.
"Baby why do I always have to show you your place?"
"Because you like doing it and I like annoying you duh!" You loved pushing Jonghos buttons. He is such a prim and proper guy that when he gets out of character it makes you so wet you could practically feel your heat begin to leak. You laid flat on your back and he leaned over you to kiss you deeply again. He kissed you sternly like he was trying to prove a point. While your mouths were entangled with each other his hands moved back under your new dress. He found his way to your clothed core. You had on a lace black butterfly thong you wanted to show off to him later when you got back but plans changed. He feverishly rubbed your pussy over your panties to tease you. You interrupted your kiss with little whimpers and moans.
He moved his fingers up and rubbed your throbbing clit. rubbing small circles on the bulb of nerves. Your moans raised from a soft whisper to a full moan.
"Cubby, I need you."
"How bad do you want my fingers my love?" he continued his devilish little games and picked up the pace on your clit.
"I want them so bad Cubby please finger fuck me already." you said between moans.
"Hey!" He stopped and grabbed your panties from the front and pulled them up. The thong bunched up and squeezed around your clit. You yelped "Watch your mouth, you’re lucky it's a special day and I still want us to make it out or I would stuff that mouth full."
"Oh, fuck you I'll say what I want." As you finished your sentence you felt your pussy clench around the abrupt two fingers that just entered it. You gasped and threw your head back.
"Fuck Cubby."
"Such a pretty face with such a dirty little mouth how tragic." he began to pump the two fingers into your soaking heat. The beautiful sounds of your pussy squelching filled the room.
"Oh, do you hear how wet you are for this prude? Your pussy doesn't think I'm some boring guy."
Teasing you and talking you through an amazing orgasm is 2 things this man specialized in.
“Oh, my fucking God baby please I need to cum so bad.” You started to want him more and more, you needed to touch him to feel grounded. You reach your arms out asking to be held. He didn’t stop his increasing pace in your core, but he did lean down so you could squeeze him tightly.
“My sweet baby, always so mean and cold to everyone but a messy bratty slut for me.” He said sensational in your ear.
He removed his fingers from your wet hole and rubbed on your sensitive clit. You moaned while babbling incoherently. Jongho knows how to make even the simplest sex acts feel even better because he knows what will set you off.
“I’m-I’m so close Cubby.” A stuttering mess all for this man.
He kissed your neck and moved down to your chest. The dress had a ruched top on it which gave him easy access for him to take your chest out, but he wanted to put you to work.
“Pull your pretty tits out for me baby and put them on my tongue.” he stuck his tongue out and you did exactly that. You took out both your pierced boobs and squeezed them together on the sides then perfectly placed both nipples on to his stuck-out tongue. He sucked and swirled both the nipples around in his mouth drooling and getting spit on your dress top. He briefly released them to say:
“I see you are wearing the new bar set I got you, good girl showing off everything I buy for you.” You complained to him that your current nipple rings were boring so being the loving boyfriend he is he bought you a new set. They were silver bars with cute bear heads on each side.
“Has anyone else seen these besides me pretty girl?”
“No Cubby just you and only you.”
“Good baby” He inserted 3 of his fingers into you pulsing heat. Scissoring them in and out while making the “Come here” motion. He licked your nipples and started to alternate between licking and sucking them. You felt your brain stop functioning. This moment was so intense even Jongho started to rut against you.
“I’m about to fucking cum Cubby Ah- “
The knot in your stomach snapped and you felt the rushing sensation ooze out of you. You became a moaning mess, and it made you need him more, your pussy still yearning for his dick in you.
“More please baby, I need you in me now.”
He sighed while getting up to remove his glasses and undo his belt. You took that as your sign to remove your dress, but he stuck his hand pout to stop you.
“Keep it on my love, we still need to go out.” He didn’t want to admit that he really just wanted to fuck you good in that dress because you just look good enough to eat, but maybe he’ll eat you out until you were begging him to stop later. For now, he wanted to fuck you just as bad. You pulled off your wet thong and Jongho pulled his pants and underwear down revealing his hardened cock. He was about 6 inches long with a good amount of girth, his dick was a pretty light brown with a pink tip that matched the natural color of his lips. Jongho sat down on the bed still sitting up his pants and underwear pooling at his ankles showing the tops of his black trouser socks. Jonghos all black outfit was his attempt to match your aesthetic poor baby is so old fashioned he thinks being alt is just wearing all black but his attempts to make you happy makes you love him even more. He patted his thighs signaling you to climb over on top of him. You hiked your dress back up and spread your legs through the slit to place one leg on each side of him as you hovered over his length.
You placed both your hands on his shoulders and began to sink down on his dick slowly to adjust to his size. Little moans falling from your lips once his entire rod was inside you made a “mm mm” sounds and slowly bobbed up and down. Your clit still ringing and over stimulated from your last orgasm you started to rock to make even more friction you had your head down to watch it all happen in real time.
Jongho watched you as you struggled to stay sane, he loved watching his dick turn your brains to mush. He wanted to drive you even crazier. He grabbed your neck and gently pulled you in for a hot and deep kiss. He squeezed your neck softly as the veins in his arms started to bulge out. You sped up your rocking pace moaning into his mouth. He fell back bringing you with him. He placed his other hand under your dress moved it up to reveal your tattooed ass. You had a small bear outline on your butt cheek (You are down BAD for this man), you remember coming home and showing him and he giggled and told you you didn’t need to do that.
“It’s so when we go swimming and shit people know who this ass belongs too.”
“Okay Y/N” He kissed you on your cheek and fucked you senseless that night too.
He fully gripped your ass and lifted his hand to come back down and strike your ass. You moaned more into his mouth as he did it again and again, the final strike you sat up and gripped both his shoulders as you dug your acrylics into him. Your mind was on nothing but fucking him. You started to bounce on his dick with dedication to cumming. His hand stayed around your throat, but he moved his other hand from your ass to your clit to rub circles onto. At that moment you became dick-notized, fully drunk off of the pure ecstasy he made you feel. He bucked his hips to meet your bouncing and pushed his dick even deeper into your cunt. Only whimpers falling from his lips while you had plenty to say.
“Oh, my fucking God Cubby please keep fucking me SHIT I’m about to fucking cum baby.” Tears started to sit at the edge of your eyes because the sensation was just that strong.
“Baby please cum inside me please cum with me and shoot inside me please please please” All you could do was beg at this point as you continued to ride his dick like her was your stead and you were a lone cowgirl in a western movie.
“My sweet baby have I ever told you no? Be good for me and lets cum together.” He said still choking you lightly and rubbing your clit more. Losing yourself in his touch you climax was reaching the very top of the hill.
“Cum for me beautiful, cum all over your Cubby.” Staggered yes’s is all you could say as your orgasm hit you like a truck. It felt like someone turned the faucet on and left it running. You squeezed your eyes shut and when you finally come to your senses you realized you had squirted on Jongho as he blew his load into your dripping wet core. His legs and pants now wet and all you could do is drop down on top of him, sweaty and exhausted. The room was humid and Jongho rubbed your back a few times before bushing you off to the side of him. You groaned as he moved you because his now soft rod fell out of you while the rest of your joined together cum spilled out of you. He removed his shoes and pants and pulled up his wet underwear and walked off. You couldn’t see him anymore, your eyes feeling like they weight 5 tons as you fought to stay awake. You heard the bathroom sink turn on for a minute then back off. Jongho reentered the room, and you felt the bed weigh down behind you. He reached over you, warm towel in hand and wiped around your area then wiped out the remaining cum that sat on the surface.
“Get up so you can get yourself ready and changed baby.” He said when he was done.
“Mmm”
“Y/N”
“I just wanna sleeeeep.” You shook your head no.
“Y/N at least get up to pee and change. Your dress isn’t in the best shape.”
You opened your eyes and looked down, your dress had all kinds of stains and spots from your love making. You rolled your eyes and got up. You walked to the bathroom to pee and remove the dress. You were fully naked when you came back as you bushed your hair into a quick ponytail. Unphased and use to your barbaric ways Jongho handed you an all-black dress from the dresser.
“Here put this on so we can go.”
“I don’t wanna.”
“Why Y/N, what is it now.”
“Let's just stay home tonight and cuddle and watch movies. We can order food and-.”
“Alright alright put on your Pajamas and I’ll order take out.”
You raised your hands. “Yay!” you ran over and jumped on top of him.
“Clothes Y/N! Clothes”
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HOMESTUCK BEYOND CANON NEXT UPD8(s) PREDICTIONS (I'm delusional, btw) /SHITPOST
We get to see Jack Noir be a pathetic little meow meow and has depression because he's too busy working at the mine coal to see his wife
The Felt come into the screen, also somehow snowman, and they all say "We voted for Obama" (this is very important homestuck lore, btw)
Brand new character called HEROIN ADDICT is introduced. Son of Karkat and Dave. Has a brother named John Egbert Strider Vantas
Clover flirts with Jane and gets sent to the weed dungeon. And not like the good weed. I mean like the weed that really feels like shit
Jake becomes new leader of the Felt and Crowbar becomes his dad (Crowbar dad AU, write that down, it'll be on the test)
We get to see Death, the character, talk with ULT Dirk and he brang along the Midnight Crew, Mom Lalonde B1 and Dad egbert because he thinks they're cool (also, Mom Lalonde and Dad Egbert kiss a lot in death's office and have tea and buscuits with the Midnight Crew)
CALIBORN COMES FOR A SINGLE PANEL AND MAKES JUNE OFFICIALLY TRANS! BECAUSE HE HATES JUNE AND HE HATES WOMEN SO HE COMBINES THE TWO THINGS HE HATES INTO ONE (this is a joke, btw. I honestly want June's transitioning to be more in character then just the gremlin guy I like does it for me)
Ms Paint. becomes narrator of both Candy and Meat and it's just a podcast about different types of paint
Something related to The Midnight Crew's creator, Professor Mayasaka or however the fuck ya spell it, something translated into midnight. Whatever. I just wanna see the professor man come in and do something
JANE REVIVES AIMLESS RENEGADE SOMEHOW AND HE GOES GOD TIER! (His Classpect is Mage of Blood because I say so)
Sollux and Eridan kissing
B
Roxy breaks the fourth wall and says "it's Roxy Lalonding time" and Roxy Lalondes all over the place
A bucket appears and yeah
We see Andrew Hussie in a bath robe
Terezi manages to give back the legal rights to Beyond Canon back to their creators (sorry, I forgot your name, mister cool homestuck guy. I forget easily :'(]
Vriska dies. (I hate Vriska! (In a Kismesis way))
Equius comes back to say "I require horse" and then he gets prototyped with the universe frog
Matchsticks gets a personality and we learn he wants to become an actual fire fighter and save people since he was a kid
Stitch becomes hella cool by partnering with Kanaya to beat the shit out of Dirk
Rose just stays Rose because I forgot she existed
21 again but with Dave
June Egbert gets two new dads and they're Eggs and Biscuits from The Felt because it reminds her of her dead dad's cakes
Diamonds Droogs/Draconian Dignitary x Dad Crocker 20 hour oiled up make out session flash animation
Calliope has a child with Roxy. (comment what ya think they would be called)
Dirk eats a baby (it's John Egbert Strider Vantas)
AR gets to have a robo body and becomes friends with AR and Aradia and also Aranea is there to keep them in check and they call eachother the "AR squad", but Aranea is the out cast because she is blue
Eden Gardner (homestuck OC of @springselkie) gets a mention.
Monkeys become relevant to the plot
Jack Noir gets to show us his stabs
Bold Eagles are Aimless Renegade's second power, because he's the only AMERUCAN character in homestuck
Jake gets a beard and celebrates by showing us his level 100 GYAT
What Pumpkin office remains is an important location in the story
Mommy Condie comes back and marries Earth C's version of Colonel sassacres
Freddy Fazber, new character, literally the best. Hor hor hor hor.
Something related to drugs, I guess (I'm running out of ideas)
Fortnite becomes canon and everyone loves it
Deltarune reference
Jack Noir eats money and becomes lamborghini
Jack Noir villain arc where he and June kiss (their kismesis, it's ok. They want to kill eachother)
Rose's wifi is STILL shitty! COME ON, IT'S BEEN 10 YEARS, FIX YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION, GURL!
Kanaya gets to make something Lord English related
We see Doc Scratch because he's awesome
Wayward Vagabond comes back from the grave and does ANOTHER revolution against monerchy. He is truly the best diplomat.
MLP gets mentioned
Problem Sleuth shows up for 5 panels and then dies
Nepeta gets to kill Pickle Inspector
Eridan smokes weed
[S] Terezi: Do the mackarena
Weed chapter
Karkat gets a period cramp
Something something Lord English in black void, becomes normal Caliborn, being room mates with Equius, Gamzee and AR (auto-responder)
Free Bird fight sequence
Joe Biden gets a mention because he was probably in office before the clown fuckers took over D.C. Washington
Cockaine chapter
MSPA reader gets hella blazed and yeah
Caliborn kisses a rule 63 version of a Miku body pillow
Pic Yaoi sequence or smth
Sawbuck stays a fat fuck and eats the earth at the end
Itchy dies from tripping on a rock
Doze unslows himself and does a break dance
Trace and Fin make out session
Quarters gets to shoot ULT Dirk and is declared a war veteran
Bog from RHG shows up to eat a chocolate bar
I'm high
Ok, that was the end of this dumb shitpost. Hope ya got a kick out of it. Or not.
Wait
Shit
I should probably add an image so that I could look cool
Give me a sec
Yes, God of Yaoi.
Perfect for this.
See ya
#homestuck#the felt#roxy lalonde#rose lalonde#june egbert#john egbert#Dave Strider#Karkat Vantas#Stitch#Bog RHG#kanaya maryam#dirk strider#Jake English#Itchy#Doze#Cans#Quarters#Trace#Fin#Clover#Andrew Hussie#Lord English#Doc Scratch#ms paint#terezi pyrope#homestuck beyond canon#Shitpost#Caliborn#Caliborn is hater of women but hugest supporter of trans people#equius zahhak
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can’t get close | ch. one
☛ series taglist ♪ series playlist ✎ series masterlist
w/c: 5,542
warnings: explicit language, smoking, drug use, references to sexual activity, adult content throughout
summary: peter parker agrees to tutor you in physics for one reason and one reason only; you’re paying him. but, it quickly becomes about more than the money.
a/n: i’ve had this in the drafts for a long ass time and i’m so stoked i finally get to share it with y’all omg i hope you enjoy this series as much as i do bc i can’t wait for you to see what’s next! also a reminder that all characters are of age and you should only proceed if you’re 18+! feedback is appreciated, much love to you <3
“fuck.”
you’re looking over the physics test your teacher just handed back, trying to make sense of her many markings. each page is covered in streaks of red pen from top to bottom. psychics isn’t your strongest subject by any means, but you didn’t think it was this weak. your heart nearly falls out of your chest when you read your grade.
you failed.
by one point.
screw physics, and screw ms. warren, too.
“shit,” you curse, slamming the test down on your desk. harry looks back at you. “something the matter, y/l/n? what’s got your panties in a twist?” he wonders with that stupid smirk of his. “not you, that’s for sure,” you retort. “ooh, feisty today, are we?” he observes.
harry turns around in his seat to face you properly. he leans his elbows on your desk, the smirk still evident on his features. you glare at your test score written in big, red numbers.
it’s almost as if it’s taunting you.
“seriously, you good?” harry checks. “you could always talk to me, y/l/n,” he nudges your foot with his own. “i failed, harry. i fucking failed the test,” you mutter. “what? lemme see,” harry demands.
you wordlessly push your test towards him. he picks it up and examines it, frowning at the paper in his hands. you press your lips together.
“just a point off, huh? it could be worse. shit was hard, man,” harry comforts you, giving you your test. you put it face-down this time. “yeah? what’d you get?” you challenge. “that’s between me and warren,” he taps your nose with his index finger. “so what i’m hearing is, you passed,” you conclude. “barely, but i didn’t want you to feel bad,” he admits. “nothing could make me feel worse than the fatass F on my paper,” you deadpan.
your gaze lands on peter parker up at ms. warren’s desk, watching their exchange.
“excellent work, peter. i was very impressed,” ms. warren compliments. she even smiles at him, something she never does. “thank you, that means a lot,” peter smiles back, retrieving his test from her. “most students get stumped on the constructed response. not you, though,” she goes on.
peter is the by far brightest student at midtown. you know it, he knows it, everybody knows it. he doesn’t have to try for it, either. he’s one of those people who’s naturally smart, shit just comes to him. you swear the kid’s brain must be wired different or something.
you think it’s pretty damn cool how genius peter is. you’ve got to wonder what it’s like being such a science whizz. you don’t have enough brain cells for it, though. you’re killing them all off, fucking around and getting high.
it’s whatever. you’re more of an english kind of gal, anyway.
“nerd alert!” harry calls to peter, hands cupped over his mouth to project his voice. peter’s brows furrow as he searches for the source of it. “dude, leave him,” you smack at his chest.
the bell rings, signaling the end of the period. your classmates hurry out of their seats and file towards the door. ms. warren reminds everyone of an upcoming homework assignment on the way out. you flip her off behind her back, to which harry snickers at.
“lunchtime,” you wiggle your eyebrows. “let’s go smoke.”
“jeez, y/n. what did you get right?” liz murmurs, flipping through your physics test. “not much, as you can see,” you answer. you take a long drag from your cigarette before passing it off to harry. “hey, it’s no big deal. there’s always the next one,” harry tries.
you’re seated at your usual picnic table outside. you sit up on the tabletop with harry and liz on the bench facing you. harry inhales smoke from the cigarette and puffs it out in your face. you waft the smoke back towards him with a giggle, liz sighing at both of your childish behavior.
harry osborn and liz allan are your very best friends in the whole world. they’re your ride or dies. peter may be well known around midtown, but he’s not the only one. you three have got quite the reputations yourselves. just, for different attributes.
you’re the best fuck, got the best stash. harry is your dealer. liz has the brains, so she gets you and harry out of the trouble you get yourselves into. she’s not afraid to let loose from time to time, though. the three of you make the perfect trio.
“y/n, you’ve gotta get your grades up,” liz warns. “warren’s tough. she won’t think twice about failing you, and i mean for the year,” she sets your test down in your lap. “too bad i can’t fuck her for an A,” you say, snatching your cigarette back from harry.
harry flicks your knee over your jeans. you kick your foot at him in retaliation. he dodges you.
“i’m serious. i had her last year, remember?” liz asks, sipping her iced cofeee. “yeah, yeah. lucky you, you already took physics,” you speak with the cigarette between your teeth. “exactly, so i know what she’s like,” liz finishes. you exhale smoke and a chuckle along with it. “you wanna help me out then, lizzie?” you question.
“you mean, like, tutor you?” liz wonders, her features holding amusement. “why not? you’re smart, you know the curriculum. let’s do it,” you propose. “i’d love to, but i can’t. i’m really busy with decathlon, and yearbook, and…” she smiles apologetically. “say no more, madam president. i understand,” you assure her.
you jam your cigarette into the wooden table to put it out, tapping the ashes onto your physics test. you peer around the courtyard at the other tables. peter parker happens to be at one of them. he’s laughing about something with his friends, prompting your lips to pull up in a grin.
“you should ask parker to tutor you,” harry suggests. “are you out of your mind? he would never,” you scoff. “are you out of yours? he’s a pro at physics, and i’ve seen you checking him out,” he pokes your knee, hard.
you wave him off, although you don’t deny it.
“oh my god, you totally should!” liz chimes in. “i coach peter for decathlon, he’s awesome. i’m sure he’d be happy to do it,” she vouches for him. “you think so?” you narrow your eyes at her. “of course. he’s a sweetheart,” liz laughs out. “c’mon, ask him,” harry encourages. “right now?” you peek over at peter.
he’s munching on a carrot stick, listening intently as one of his friends rambles.
“not like he has much else going on,” harry states, stealing liz’s coffee and chugging what’s left of it.
you are in desperate need of a tutor. there’s no way you’re repeating physics. once is more than enough, so you’ll take all the help you can get to pass the godforsaken class. it’s your senior year. if you fail, you risk not graduating. besides, peter is an expert, and he seems chill. if anyone can help you, it’s him.
it’s worth a shot.
“sure, what the hell?” you decide, swinging your legs off the table. “attagirl! that’s the spirit!” harry cheers. “remind him there’s acadec practice after school. he hasn’t been showing for some reason,” liz requests. “peter parker cutting classes? i gotta give him more credit,” you joke.
you stand up on the bench before hopping down into the grass. you then make your way over to peter’s table. as you’re approaching him, you shake out your oversized t-shirt to rid it of the smell of smoke. you plaster on your sweetest smile and stride up to peter and his friends, going to the head of the table. the three of them are caught up in their conversation.
“what’s up, parker?” you speak up. peter’s head whips in your direction. “leeds, watson,” you nod at his friends, ned and mj. mj nods back. “y/l/n,” ned greets, trying to play cool. “to what do we owe the pleasure?” mj asks. peter merely stares up at you. “can i sit?” you ask him. “uh, yeah. go ahead,” he mumbles.
you take the empty spot on the bench next to peter. his eyes practically pop out of his head.
peter is shocked you’re talking to him. he can’t recall you two ever even speaking before now. there’s also the fact that you’re you, and he’s him. it’s not like you run in the same circles.
what’s your deal?
“you’re probably wondering what i’m doing here,” you read peter’s mind. “what if i told you i knew a way you could make a dollar or two?” you start. he perks up, interest piqued. “keep talking,” he replies, nibbling on another carrot. “tutoring. have you ever considered it?” you grin, proud of your idea.
“tutoring for what?” mj questions. “and who?” ned piggybacks. you lock eyes with peter. “me, for physics,” you reveal. peter is dumbfounded, and his face doesn’t hide it. “seriously?” he almost chokes on his carrot. “that hard to believe, huh?” you chuckle. “i mean, no offense, but…” he looks to ned and mj. “you’re not exactly the tutoring type,” mj grimaces.
“listen,” you sigh, glancing between the three of them. “it wasn’t my first choice either, but i’m failing, and that’s not an option,” you explain. “i really don’t wanna retake this shit. i won’t make it through another year… not alive, at least.”
your voice quiets towards the end of your sentence. you pick at your manicured nails, gaze drifting to the ground. peter’s lips twitch into a sympathetic frown.
this must be heavy on your mind. he’d hate to see you struggling when he knows he could help, or anyone for that matter. plus, you offered to pay. he could really use the money.
“why peter, though? why do you want him to tutor you?” mj inquires. “yeah, why peter?” ned gawks. “liz wasn’t available,” you honestly answer. ned and mj share a look. “no, but seriously. he’s the smartest guy in our class. hell, he’s the smartest guy at this school,” you flash peter a smile. peter finds himself returning it. “who better than him?“ you rationalize. “fair enough,” he decides.
“is that a yes? you’ll do it?” you ask. “i’ll do it,” peter confirms. you grab him by his shoulder, face lighting up. “perfect! when do we start?” you wonder. “how’s today after school, if you’re free?” he responds, laughing softly at your enthusiasm. “i am, but you’re not. decathlon practice,” you click your tongue.
“how did you…” peter trails off. “liz,” ned and mj reply in unison. you beam at them. “okay. um, after practice? we could meet up?” peter lets his eyes flit to yours. “text me your addy. looking forward to working with you, parker,” you conclude, getting up from the bench. “you too, y/l/n. see you later,” he shoots you another smile.
you wave to ned and mj before jogging back over to your table. ned claps peter on the back, who’s looking at you over his shoulder.
if he only knew what he was in for.
“nice work, everyone! don’t forget to review the topics we discussed for next practice,” liz dismisses the decathlon team.
the team stands from the table, each saying their goodbyes to one another. peter and ned pack up their things.
“i can’t believe y/n y/l/n is coming over to your apartment,” ned raves. “neither can i,” peter murmurs, shoving books in his backpack. “seriously, peter! this is a once in a lifetime opportunity! what are you gonna wear?” ned asks. “uh, this?” peter gestures to his science pun t-shirt and khakis. “dude,” ned groans.
“i mean, does it matter? i’m only tutoring her, ned,” peter reminds him. “peter, you don’t just tutor a girl like y/n,” ned refutes. peter zips his backpack, looking blankly at him. “we’re gonna study, and i’m gonna get paid. that’s all,” he brushes him off. “that’s why i’m doing it, you know. for the money,” he slips a backpack strap onto his shoulder.
“really? that’s the only reason?” ned presses. “and, because i feel bad for her. nobody should have to retake physics. it’s the spawn of satan,” peter justifies. the two of them begin to make their way out of the auditorium. “true. well, good luck. let me know how it goes,” ned pats his friend on the shoulder. “alright. thanks, man,” peter replies before ned leaves the auditorium.
“peter!” liz shouts out. “come here a sec!”
peter clutches onto his backpack strap, head tilted to the side. he walks back over to the table, where liz is tidying the space. she pauses to rip a piece of paper from her notebook. she scribbles something down on it, then hands it to him.
“y/n’s number,” liz says. “right, thanks,” peter nods, tucking the paper into his pocket. “good job today, by the way. we missed you. don’t work y/n too hard,” she winks. “missed you guys too, and i won’t,” peter chuckles, exiting the auditorium at last.
once peter is settled in at home, he retrieves your number from his pocket. he puts it into his phone, lips pursed curiously. without thinking too much of it, peter types out his address and hits send. you reply all but a second later.
peter jumps when his phone buzzes, not expecting you to answer so fast. he cracks a small smile as he reads your message.
be there soon! brace yourself parker :)
peter gathers his physics materials while you head over to his apartment. he then decides to neaten up the messy space in anticipation of your arrival. you’re his company, he supposes. besides, his aunt may will surely appreciate him cleaning up after himself for a change. she’s always saying the place is a pigsty.
he’s pushing a cereal box into the kitchen cabinets when you knock at his door. he quickly closes the cabinets and scrambles to get the door, but not without stopping to check his reflection in the toaster. he meticulously combs back his hair with his fingers before he realizes what he’s doing.
ned must have gotten in his head.
peter rolls his eyes at himself and fixes his hair the way he had it. he pads over to the door, turning the knob to reveal you on the other side. you sport a wide grin, a textbook hugged to your chest. he’s pleasantly surprised that you came prepared.
“let’s get to work, shall we?” you prompt. “we shall. come on in,” peter invites you.
you wander inside, your perfume filling the air as you pass by. peter shuts the door and meets you at his kitchen table, where you’ve already seated yourself. you get comfortable in your chair, leaning back with one leg crossed over the other. you open up your textbook. peter sits across from you and does the same.
“so, what’s on the agenda?” you question. “i figured we could start at the beginning, go back to the basics,” peter responds. “we’ll take it slow, okay?” he looks over at you. “mm, not my specialty,” you remark. peter’s eyes widen at your innuendo. “kidding. whatever you think, parker. we’re in your territory now,” you say.
“okay, cool. turn to page-“ peter cuts himself off when you plop into the seat next to him. “i’d rather look on with you, if that’s alright. i’m a visual learner,” you explain. “sure, whatever works for you,” he assures you, flipping to the first chapter.
you move in so you can see better. your shoulder squishes against peter’s, the sweet scent of your perfume smelling stronger from how close you are. your lips part, then curve into a smile. peter gets distracted by your gaze, subconsciously inching even closer to you. you nod for him to start. he snaps out of his daze and shifts to face forward.
what the hell was that?
pull it together, peter. pull it together.
“chapter one, introduction to dynamics,” peter reads aloud. you follow along with your finger on the paper. “dynamics is the study of bodies in motion. dynamics is concerned with describing motion and explaining its causes,” he begins, glancing at you. “you okay with that?” he checks. “yeah, so far so good,” you affirm. “awesome. the general field of dynamics consists of two major areas,” he continues.
“should i be taking notes or something? i, uh, don’t wanna get lost,” you confess. peter looks up from the textbook, his kind eyes meeting yours. “is that how you usually study?” he asks. “on the rare occasion i do, yeah. i take notes as i go,” you reply. “i’m not sure how well it works, though. it’s sometimes too much to understand at once,” you shrug, chewing your lower lip.
“maybe we could try a different approach,” peter speaks quietly. “how about we read through the chapter first, then go back and write down what you think is important after?” he grins. you smile back, lip still between your teeth. “that sounds good. i like that,” you agree. “great, let’s go on. stop me anytime you want me to explain something, okay?” he offers. “mhm, thanks,” you hum.
“the general field of dynamics consists of two major areas: kinematics and kinetics…”
you and peter take your time working through the first chapter of your physics textbook. he’s impressed by your positive attitude and drive to learn more, taking an active interest in everything he covers. you’re grateful for peter’s patience with you and how willing he is to answer all your questions in as many ways as you need him to. you have a lot of them.
the session goes way better than either of you were expecting. although you’ve nowhere near mastered physics yet, you’re at least putting in an effort.
“this is a good place to stop for today, but we’re making progress,” peter eventually decides. you face palm into the textbook. “thank god. there’s only so much physics i can take,” you grumble. “you and me both,” he concurs, venturing into the kitchen. “snack?” he asks you. “yes, please,” you do a thumbs up.
“how was decathlon practice?” you make conversation while peter searches his fridge. “i’ll spare you the details. i think i’ve bored you enough for one day,” peter chuckles. “i asked, didn’t i?” you reiterate. you sit back up in your chair. “uh, it was good. we just ran some drills, talked about nationals,” he elaborates, now rummaging through the cabinets.
“ah, liz told me you guys might go back this year. you’re the reigning champs,” you recall. “that’s us,” peter echoes. when he opens the cabinet, the cereal he put away earlier falls out. “you like fruit loops?” he questions, holding up the box. “dude, i fucking love them. gimme,” you command.
peter pours you each a bowl of cereal and brings them back over to the table. you dig in, earning lighthearted laughter from him.
“when’s our next session?” you ask between a mouthful of fruit loops. “i thought we could meet, like, once a week or so. so, next week?” peter answers. you drop your spoon. “that’s it?” you inquire. “you wanna meet more than that?” peter copies your incredulous tone. you give him a look, a dead-serious look. “if you think it’ll help you, sure,” he says before downing the last of his cereal.
peter carries your empty bowls to the sink to wash them out. you push in your chair, fumbling around in your jeans for your wallet.
“well, i’ve gotta run. me and harry have some… business to attend to,” you speak over the running water. “we’ll discuss more tomorrow. thank you, parker. for the tutoring and the fruit loops,” you send him another smile. “you’re welcome. glad i could be of service,” he replies, and means it. “money’s on the table. see ya!” you inform him before rushing out the door.
did that really just happen?
peter dries off his hands with a kitchen towel and goes back over to collect the money. he sorts through it, blinking wildly. you left him a couple of twenty dollar bills. they smell of sugary vanilla, your signature scent.
“this is definitely more than a dollar or two,” peter remarks, pocketing the twenties.
that really just happened.
“alright, y/l/n. what’s it gonna be?” harry questions.
he’s multitasking, rolling a blunt while he deals to you. you’re sprawled across his bed on your stomach, feet up and kicking behind you. you’d come straight to his place after leaving peter’s. you need to restock your supplies, so it was time to hit him up.
“an ounce of your finest,” you respond. harry licks and pinches the rolling paper to shape it. “weed?” he asks. “yeah. i’m not into hard stuff,” you quirk a stern brow. “and what a shame that is, y/l/n. you have no idea what you’re missing,” harry sighs, setting down the freshly formed blunt. “i’d like to keep it that way,” you mumble.
“an ounce of my finest, coming right up,” harry announces. he tosses you a small, sealed baggie, which you catch. “pleasure doing business with you, osborn,” you let out a raspy laugh. “can i get some E, too?” you wonder. “lemme see if i have any. i was almost out, last time i checked,” harry rubs his chin.
you often wonder where harry gets this shit from. his father is a big businessman with connections all over the city, so you assume it’s something to do with that. the osborn name, that is.
“what do you need ecstasy for, anyway?” harry questions. “always like to have some, just in case. it’s fun to fuck on,” you clarify, arching your back to stretch it out. “trust me, i know,” he wiggles his eyebrows. he opens up a drawer he uses to hide his stash, fishing around for the ecstasy. “who’re you fucking nowadays?” he pries. “who am i not fucking?” you counter.
his hand emerges with another baggie, this one with two pills resembling smiley faces inside.
“come and get it,” harry prompts you. you lunge forward and reach for the bag, but he pulls it away. “that’s gonna cost extra, since i’m running low,” he smiles wickedly. “whatever it is, i’ll pay it,” you concede.
harry holds out his hand for you to place your wallet in it. you give it to him, sitting up on your knees. he gathers all the cash you have and counts the bills out. he inspects the pile with his tongue out in concentration.
“you’re short,” harry tells you.
you pat your pockets to feel around for any loose money. much to your dismay, there isn’t any.
“aw, shit. i gave the rest of my cash to parker,” you remember. “spot me?” you grin hopefully. “i’ll take this for now, and you can pay me the rest some other time,” harry compromises, putting the pile down on top of his dresser. “deal,” you seize the bag of ecstasy out of his hand.
“speaking of parker, how’d your study sesh go?” harry wonders. he grabs a lighter and the blunt he just rolled. “really good, actually. he’s an awesome tutor. plus, he’s literally the nicest guy ever,” you respond. “is he now?” harry asks, lighting up his blunt. “yup. he even made me fruit loops,” you add. “wow, fruit loops. i dunno what more you could ask for,” harry quips.
“lay off him, would you? it was cute,” you defend. harry inhales a generous amount of smoke from his blunt. “careful, y/l/n,” he warns, exhaling the smoke. “if i didn’t know any better, i’d think you have a crush,” he taunts. you tsk at him. “me? a crush? never,” you proclaim, snatching the blunt from harry.
harry looks you up and down inquisitively, then retrieves more paper to roll himself another blunt.
“she wants to meet again already? dude, she likes you,” ned nudges peter’s arm.
peter is filling ned and mj in on how your tutoring session went the next day at school. the three of them walk side by side in the hallway as they chat.
“or she’s just trying to pass physics, like she said,” mj corrects. “or both,” ned levels with her. peter shakes his head, eyeing ned. “no, mj’s right. y/n worked really hard last night. she wants to do well, is all,” he says. “of course i’m right. i’m always right,” mj declares. neither peter nor ned dare to disagree with her. “i have my theories, you guys have yours,” ned murmurs.
“uh huh. anyway, i should get to class. later, dorks,” mj dismisses herself from her friends. “bye, em,” peter replies.
ned pulls peter off to the side once mj is gone. he grips at either of peter’s arms, staring into his eyes with intensity. peter looks around the hall to make sure no one else notices their odd encounter.
“the signs are right there in front of you, peter. y/n wants you!” ned says. “i bet she’d totally hook up with you if you asked her,” he convinces. peter’s mouth falls open. “ned! have some class!” he whisper yells. “relax, dude. it’s what she does,” ned justifies. “and it’s none of our business. c’mon, we’re gonna be late,” peter chastises him.
peter isn’t proud of it, but he thinks more about what ned said after their conversation. you were sort of touchy with him yesterday. he’s not oblivious to the way you look at him, either. and, hey, it’s no secret you get around. not that that gives peter a right to your body or anything. it’s just something to consider.
realistically, you’re probably only being friendly. you act like that with pretty much everyone. peter doubts he’s even your type. you’re more likely to go for someone in your own league, someone more like harry osborn. for all peter knows, you already have.
when it’s time for physics, peter slips into his usual seat at the front and center of the room. he unpacks his things and waits for ms. warren to start the class. you and harry rush in as the bell is ringing, giggling about something amongst yourselves. peter’s eyes follow you to the back of the room, where the two of you sit. you give peter a wave and a small smile. he waves back, then turns to face the board.
“good afternoon, everyone. how are we all doing?” ms. warren greets. the class mumbles their responses. “glad to hear it. today, we’ll be peer reviewing your unit test i handed back yesterday,” she paces around the room. “as long as you work diligently, you may choose your own partners.”
you and harry fist bump each other. peter sinks down in his seat.
he dreads partner work in physics. none of his friends are in his class, so he always ends up alone. it’s humiliating.
“any discrepancies, come see me. i’ll be right up here. get to work, class,” ms. warren instructs.
there’s a chorus of chairs screeching and kids chattering as everyone splits into pairs. peter remains seated, his cheeks tinting pink. he gets out his test and looks through it absentmindedly, gaze going from the test to the clock. he’s ready for physics to be over. ms. warren strides over to his desk, a knowing look on her face.
“trouble finding a partner?” ms. warren questions. “i don’t mind working alone,” peter assures her. the deep shade of pink coating his cheeks says otherwise. “unfortunately for you, peter, this is peer review,” she laughs lightly. “we’re missing a few students today, so we’re an odd number. why don’t you join another group?” she asks.
“oh. um, i’m not sure anybody would wanna…” peter starts to make an excuse. “hey, parker!” you summon him. he turns to face you. “we’re looking for a third,” you say suggestively, harry smirking. peter glances back at ms. warren for approval. “your choice,” she comments before walking over to her desk.
peter weighs his options. he could either stay up here and die of embarrassment, or join you and harry. he decides to go with the latter.
he grabs his things and makes his way over to the two of you. you drag over an empty desk for him, grinning up at him. he instantly feels more at ease as he takes the seat, until harry speaks up.
“what’d you get on the test, parker? i’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” harry offers. “uh, i don’t think we’re actually supposed to share our grades-“ peter is interrupted by harry taking his test off his desk. “okay, sure,” he says instead. harry hums to himself at peter’s almost perfect score. “not bad, not bad,” he understates. “thanks,” peter nods. “you said it, y/l/n. parker here is brilliant,” harry concludes.
“you think i’m brilliant?” peter gives you a shy smile. “c’mon, parker. you are brilliant,” you push his shoulder playfully. “you two can compare grades later. let’s get to it, gentlemen,” you boss. “yes, ma’am,” harry salutes you, handing peter his test. “where did you guys wanna start?” peter wonders.
“from the top. i’d already fucked up on question one,” you show peter your test. there’s a big red X on the first question. “me, too,” harry sighs. “no worries, it was a hard one,” peter tells you both. “can i see your test again?” he asks you. you give it to him, brows raised. “for multiple choice, i recommend using process of elimination,” he begins. “good strategy,” harry acknowledges.
“let’s read through the choices. are there any you know right off the bat are wrong?” peter questions you. “uh, hold on,” you mumble.
you push the eraser of your pencil against your lips, reading the question to yourself. peter’s eyes can’t help but to trail down to your lips. you pout your bottom one out and turn the test towards you. peter sucks in a breath. your arm rests on his desk, head ever so slightly leaned against his.
“what about A?” you catch his attention. peter’s eyes move back up to yours. “huh?” he splutters. “choice A. that’s wrong, right?” you repeat. “right, yeah,” he laughs awkwardly. “so it’s wrong?“ you squint. “this is getting confusing. let me just,” peter chuckles again, crossing out A on your test. “there, process of elimination. you wanna do the rest?” he wonders.
“could i try, or is three a crowd?” harry buts in. “chill, harry. don’t act like you give a fuck about this stuff,” you tease, leaning further into peter. more color paints his cheeks just as they were paling. “you didn’t either ‘til yesterday,” harry reminds you. “yeah, well, a certain someone showed me i could,” you nudge peter’s arm.
a toothy grin creeps onto peter’s face.
“how about y/n finishes up question one, and harry, you take the next one,” peter suggests. “alrighty, then. i’ll get started,” harry agrees, picking up his pencil and beginning question two.
peter waits while the two of you redo the questions. you stay close to his side as you solve yours, using process of elimination to choose what you believe to be the correct answer. you elbow him gently once you’re finished.
“could you check this?” you ask peter. “sure, one sec,” he says, sliding your paper over to himself. you search for his eyes as they roam your paper. “how’d i do?” you bite into your lower lip. “um, you didn’t get it,” peter tells you. “seriously? shit, man. i’m a lost cause... i’m no good at this,” you complain.
“hey, don’t say that. you’re trying. that matters more than anything else,” peter reassures you. “you’ve got a long way to go, but you’ll get there. i’m here to help you,” he smiles. “thanks. i know i’m kinda slow at this shit, so thank you for being patient,” you reply. “thanks for being so understanding, too,” you place one of your hands atop his.
“you don’t have to thank me. i am your tutor, after all,” peter breathes out a laugh. “not right now, you’re not. you’re off the clock,” you point out. “i’m also your friend,” he toys with your fingers. “i mean, if you want me to be,” he hastily adds. “i do, yeah. friends it is,” you grin at him.
even though you’ve only known peter about a day, you could feel a fast friendship blooming. he’s not like harry or liz. he’s a teacher’s pet, he’s constantly tripping over his words. but, he’s also sweeter to you than anyone else is, guys especially. although, it’s not like the bar is set very high. the point is, you like that peter treats you differently than the other students at midtown do. it’s refreshing.
you don’t mind expanding your circle for him one bit.
“aye yo, parker,” harry taps peter on the shoulder. “this look right to you?”
he flashes peter his answer sheet, snorting. rather than doing question two like he was supposed to, he colored the empty bubbles in the shape of a dick. peter sports a pained expression. you give him a pat on the back.
“welcome to my world.”
tags: @sunshinehollandd @babyspiders @harbingerofheartbreak @moonsock @holland-styles @lowkey-holland @bi-lmg07 @rafeyybabyy @aayaissaa @explosiveholland @crybaby-culture @euphoricholland @jallerentrags @belovedholland @nocturnalms @mostdefinitelyhasissues @mayal0pez @hopeless-romantic-baby @cutetomholland @daddytasha @yeetedandoboi @curlyfriesthings @mclafm05 @minimarkive @hollandsangel @peterficrecs @inthegetawaycarwithtaylah @peterparkeeh0le @walkintheprk @sleepingdancer @lilostif16 @cubedtriangle @sillykankam
#peter parker#peter parker fluff#peter parker smut#peter parker imagine#peter parker fic#peter parker fanfiction#peter parker x y/n#peter parker x you#peter parker x reader#peter parker au#tom holland#tom holland fluff#tom holland smut#tom holland imagine#tom holland fic#tom holland fanfiction#tom holland x you#tom holland x reader
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HELLO if you are free at the time can you write and eren x reader insta post prt 2? With both of his moms again that was really good if that isn’t to much may I ask if it’s like him spending money on her too ? LOVE YOURE WORKS BTW
Eren’s Insta Spam (Pt.3)
eren x black!fem reader
part 1
part 2
AHH! Yes thank you so much for the request! A part 3 was definitely overdue so thank you for reminding me lool! Hope you enjoy beloved 🫶🏾
Also: BIG UP! TUN UP! to @erenxh for helping me out with a few of the translations for Carla,, you truly an OG 🫰🏾💙 + @quiveringdeer as the honorary tag for these aus
Okay so as we know, Eren has a lot of ‘fans’ who are genuinely really nice to him — but only him — and so whenever he takes you out, he tries to be low-key.
Buuuut it doesn’t mean YOU have to be lowkey and so whenever youre out and about you take pics of him and he occasionally posts these
Liked by ynprivnotpriv, mikamimamii and 74 others
ej__jaeger dump! taken by the one who captures me thru the lens of love xx @ynprivnotpriv
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ynprivnotpriv the caption??? you’re so cheessyyyy 😭😭 luv you thoo 💖💖
grishaj__ 👍🫰
ej__jaeger @ynprivnotpriv only this cheesy for you my love
ej__jaeger @grishaj ❤️❤️
But besides that, Eren loves to take you out and spoil you with stuff. It’s kinda controversial though because look okay, Eren’s not a bum per se, but he also HATES working or doing anything labour wise so it’s really Grisha’s money he’s spending on you 😭😭😭 Like he gets a lil money from sponsors and that but its barely liveable earnings
And although you don’t mind, at times it’s like “Okay, Eren. We need to get you a job.” Because he’s at the checkout but on a phone call with his Dad talking bout “Just send it to me now, I’ll explain when I get home.” And you really dont wanna be spending Mr. Jaeger Sr.’s hard earned surgery money like that shdjdjd but Eren wouldn’t take the initiative to do any of that shit himself so you get Carla and Dina involved
“What about a Barista? You’ve got that cute hipster look to you, they’ll love you there.” You said.
All four of you sat in the living room around your laptop, scrolling on various job searching sites to find Eren an occupation. He however seemed to be the least enthusiastic.
“Noooo. Too many of my fan— People, I know go there. It’ll be too bait.”
“That’s okay!” Carla exclaims. “It means you can give them discounts and talk to your friends while you’re on your shift.”
You stifled a giggle, knowing those weren’t the type of people Eren was talking about but alas, we move.
Annoyingly bouncing a tennis ball onto the ceiling and then catching it, Eren sighed as he ran a hand through his hair and paced around the room.
“Man, I need something that pays good money but small hours and allows me all the flexi shifts I want.”
“öyle iş istiyorsan git de sihirli fasulye ye!” Carla tuts.
The brunette whizzed round in shock.
“You urging me to become a drug dealer?!”
“What?!” You look towards Carla with a gasp.
Shaking her head and hands, the woman tried to clear the allegations her son stuck on her.
“No! I told him to go eat magic beans if he wants a job so easy!” Carla explained but then followed up her words with a taunt in Eren’s direction — a warning not to make her look bad.
“Well, what about Zeke’s place? I’m pretty sure he could get you a nice position over there.”
All of you looked towards Dina who had a rather elated expression on her face. This also seemed to pique Eren’s interest seeing as he stopped pacing and gave Dina an intrigued look.
“Wouldn’t that make me a Nepo baby?” He asked.
With a straight face you narrowed your eyes at your boyfriend.
“Boy, that’s really your concern?” You deadpanned. This seriously couldn’t be the most testing factor of working with Zeke of all people but apparently Dina and Eren were on the same page.
“I don’t think it will.” Dina made a thinking face before bringing up her phone to do a quick search. “I only think it affects you if it’s passed down from a parent and not across from a sibling.”
With a groan, Carla threw her head onto your shoulders, feigning fatigue.
“Oh my goodness, my annecim only wants to be rich. Not a hard working bone in his body — Oh! I’ve failed.”
With a soft laugh, you patted the woman’s head.
“Sorry, Carla. I know you tried your best.”
At the end of the day though, Eren makes sure he always spoils you with nice things and doesnt mind spending maintenance money on you! He’ll always have coin for you regardless and loves when he sees you all dolled up under his appendage
he’s THAT Guy: he’ll wait for you when you get your manicures done and talks smooth with all the workers so he can get discounts and shii dhjddk 😭😭
“Girl, can I just say, your boyfriend is such goals? Like how he so smood with it?”
The nail technician briefly removed her face mask to whisper that to you, eyeing the way he was making easy conversation with the other woman.
With a small laugh, you tapped on side of your Airpod to pause your music so that you could also turn round to observe his antics.
“Yeah, no he treat me real well.”
Turning round back to her, you gave her a knowing look.
“You want me to hook you up with one of his friends?”
“What, they just as good as him?!” She whispered.
“Oh, nobody as good as him but they good.” Giving her a knowing look, you pursed your lips over at the woman.
With a nod and an impressed look back, the techniciane moved back to continue her work on your nails, her mood more excited.
“Okay, okay. I’ll see what you got to offer.”
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ej__jaeger she keeps saying her feet are cold but she never wants to wear socks 🤨⁉️ LIKE??? if your lil white manny toes are cold, SOCK EM! 🗣🗣
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sashabear7891 FOR FREE EREN???? FOR FREE???! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
uchihabapegod put dem dawgs away son 🌭
ej__jaeger @sashabear7891 you always know where to get the prem shit thoooo
ej__jaeger @uchihabapegod okay zeke so now that youve said that explain to me why exactly youre perceiving my girls toes??? 🤨📸
ej__jaeger @jeankirjr_ I am giving you three working minutes to unlike this post.
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ej__jaeger ROD 🚀
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mikamikamii THATS A BIG ROCK??
uchihabapegod Marriage?? In this economy???
carlaakarjaeg_34 Eren Text Me Right Now. Please Eren
yummir @ynprivnotpriv lmaooooooo i know you aint sleeping rn bitch come explaaiinn???
conniethe_conman only reason i know you lot are playing us is bc i know eren DOES NAWT have the funds for that and because y/n wouldn’t say yes to an unemployed MAN 😆😆
ej__jaeger @conniethe_conman the way you’re the only one to not fall for it but DAMN???
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Widowmaker X Fem!Reader
New Recruit Pt. 7 ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚
Summary: As Sombra reveals some important information, someone overhears from a distance ₊ ⊹
Warnings: Very slight nsfw stuff ₊ ⊹
Flipping through the page of your book, the 3rd one you had gotten to be precise, you just could not concentrate. Your mind was too fixated on her, Amélie. Ever since your encounter last night, an odd sense of lust has plagued your day to day life. You were starting to go more crazy now that she wasn’t around, you felt so safe around her.
The thought of her laying on top of you flashed in your mind over and over, the way her lips felt on yours made your mouth water at the sensation. You squeezed your legs together, the scene replaying in your mind.
“I’m back, finally!” A voice you recognized called out, it was Sombra. You quickly turned around in your chair, trying to look as normal as possible.
“Did you miss me~?” She asked in a playful tone, sitting down on your bed. You smiled, bringing up your knees close to your chest.
“A bit to be honest, what’s up?” You asked.
“I needed to talk to you, Y/N” Sombra immediately switched the tone from happy to concerning. You were still shocked at how quick she could change up the atmosphere, wether for better or for worse. Now knowing this wasn’t going to be as wholesome as her last visit, you begun to be worried. You tilted your head to the side, indicating you were curious about what she had came here for.
“Listen, im really not supposed to say this, but I want to help you… help you escape.” You unintentionally gasped in response, leaning back a bit. Was this it? Was this when you got to go home?
“Really- How- What if they can hear us-?”
“Don’t worry, I disabled all of the cameras and audio equipment for the time being, they won’t know a thing.” Now slightly relived, you leaned back into your chair, bringing one of your hands to your cheek.
“Listen up. That stuff Moira has been giving you is a newly developed drug to turn people into salves- literally. I have seen it on other test subjects. They are going to brainwash you, Y/N” Your hand dropped down to your mouth. You couldn’t belive what you were hearing, and it just seemingly came out of nowhere. They weren’t just recruiting you, but you were being used as a test subject this whole time?
“How- How can I trust you?” You were terrified, not wanting to believe what she had to say. You felt like that substance would take full control any second now, you didn’t know what to do.
“What would I gain from lying to you? I already lost Sigma…, and I don’t want anyone else to suffer at the hands of Talon.” You felt as though she was telling the truth, the sincerity in her voice reminded you of Widow.
“Now listen, in a week or so, I bet you will start to feel the effects of it. You need to get out before they can take full control-”
A million thoughts raced through your head at once. You were already planning on escaping when the time was right, but if that drug Moira used on you was for brainwashing, who knows what you could become subjected too. You stared down at the ground, palms sweaty, mind racing.
“Moira is gonna send you out on a special mission just when the substance should start to kick in. I can disable your ear piece signal to make it seem like you’re dead, and in the meantime I could try to swap out that-” Sombras voice came to a halt when your door started to open. It felt like your heart had skipped a beat, literally. And a second later, she had disappeared, probably using her invisibility to sneak out, you thought. You quickly spun around on your chair, facing the door. To your relief, Widowmaker walked in. Your heart melted at the sight of her, she smiled.
“Salut… I don’t mean to barge in on you like this, but I was wondering if you wanted to train together like yesterday?” She asked with a delicate tone in her voice. Your guys’s moment got cut short last night when she had to run off for some meeting. You couldn’t help but wonder, was this her trying to flirt? Does she wanna kiss you again?
“I’d love that!”
“ARUGGH-” You screamed out painfully, landing on your back. She got you good, successfully taking you down twice in a row. Though nothing romantic has happened yet, you were still enjoying her company.
“Fuck- Amélie… you got me good” You said in a shaky breath as you slowly propped yourself up. She stood with her hands on her hips, smirking at the sight.
“Is it ok if we discuss something?” She said reluctantly out of no where, taking back her fighting stance.
“Sure, what is it?” You asked as you two stared to brawl again.
“Well… I heard your conversation with Sombra earlier today…” You took a step back and stopped completely, thinking this was it for you. You didn’t want to believe that what Sombra said was true, but if so, nobody else could know you had access to that sort of information.
“Act normal. They will suspect us.” She whispered into your ear, backing up and getting ready for another match.
You didn’t know what was coming. Would she report you to the guards, or take your stance in the matter? For now, you just had to wait and hear her out before all would be revealed. Yet, you couldn’t help but wonder if this would be the end for you. You threw a punch, a sloppy one at best, before Widowmaker dogged effortlessly.
“I can confirm that it’s true, I’ve heard upperranks discussing the liquid. I’m- nevermind, that’s not important- What Im trying to say is that I want to help.” A wave of relief overtook your body when she said that, yet the whole situation was still stressing you out. Not to mention, you were trying to dodge all of her attacks while processing everything at the same time.
“Please- Widow… Thank you. I Just want to get out of this place before it’s too late” You didn’t quite know what you were begging for.
“Don’t worry, I’ll discuss it with Sombra later. But before then, you just got to stay safe, d’accord?” You nod.
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“In a blink of an eye, grief turned to rage.”
TW: SA, forced pregnancy, Abortion, Suicide, Murder (vengeance), Serial Murders, a lotta death, emotional damage, just some screwed up stuff.
Taiga was born in Naples, Italy. She is the daughter of Matteo and Lillith DeMarco. She is rumored to have a sister named Rosa..
Her family moved to Japan when she was 8 so her father could open up a restaurant called "Mamma Stella's" after their honorable ancestor.
Taiga then met Amai Yumemite, a girl with stunning green eyes and freckles that decorated her pretty face.
Amai lived alone, she had nobody to call a friend until she met Taiga.
Taiga soon began to fall in love, but kept it a secret for so long.
When Taiga turned 10, she traveled all the way to America to visit her sister, who was a show girl.
Never would she have expected to come back to a complete nightmare.
After Taiga returned, she immediately ran to Amai's house with a shit-eating grin on her face and two souvenirs in her pocket.
When she opened the door, she saw Amai covered in blood and holding a crumpled fetus.
The sight of all the blood made Taiga's stomach churn..
Taiga ran to her best friend's side, frantically asking about what happened.
Only to look into a pair of lifeless green eyes.
The sight made her nauseous and so, so sad..
She noticed a letter, and opened it with shaky hands.
"It was a monster. He raped me. He broke down my door and he pinned me down. I couldn't stop him."
“I can't bear the pain, I can't do it. I'm sorry. I love you, Taiga.”
Taiga had been clutching Amai's body while sobbing hysterically when her father came in.
What happened after that was a complete blur..
__________________________________
“Do you know who I am?”
Taiga asked the trembling man at her feet, her voice laced with venomous rage. She had gone to place after place to find the monster that took away her beloved friend. Blood had been shed, lives had been lost..
All because of this disgusting creature.
The man shook his head with fear written all over his sickening face, crying out in pain when Taiga's small hand crushed his fingers.
She grabbed him by his freshly cut hair and pulled him close, her plum-red eyes filled with pure hatred. The image of Amai's lifeless body haunted her thoughts like a ghost, reminding her of the day she lost something she promised never to let go of..
In the blink of an eye, grief had turned to rage.
“Take a good look.. I'm gonna be the last thing you'll ever see.”
Taiga hissed out, ignoring his desperate pleas for mercy while she grabbed the special hairpin she had gotten for Amai and pointed it at him.
Screams tore out of his throat as she carved into his flesh, blood soaking the floor as she pulled away from him.
A chuckle slipped past her lips as she looked down at him with a sadistic smile that could make the strongest man piss himself.
The blade-like hairpiece, now coated in blood, repeatedly impaled the man in a cruel form of revenge.
Stab.
Stab.
Stab.
Blood gushed out of every wound Taiga left, the pain searing through his sanity as he cried out for mercy.
But Taiga would never stop.
No.. she enjoyed this too much.
It was like a drug. Hearing his cries of pain, giving him the same pain Amai had felt, it was exhilarating to the core.
She was so caught up in her own joy, she didn't realize the man had passed out from all the blood loss.
It was a wonder that he didn't die from it all.
Taiga's expression returned to it's chilling form as she scowled at the sight of the unconscious figure.
“Pathetic.” She spat, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him towards the alleyway she had cornered him in.
__________________________________
After that, the man had killed himself to stop the nightmares he had of Taiga.
Taiga never stopped the torture, though.
She just moved on to different subjects and "tested" their tolerance.
Her family had no idea about it. Taiga had lied and told them she was going to study zoology in Tokyo.
(She would eventually do that after the infinity castle arc)
#i need therapy#demon slayer#kny#warringwarrioridiot#thank you#taiga demarco#taiga#oc info#oc story#oc rp#ocs#kny oc#oc art#my ocs#oc#TW
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CtM CS 2023 first rewatch and further thoughts
early foreshadowing for Mr. Sharma: he says "I can find my own way." he's clearly referring to his navigator skills.
Angela's teacher promised her "house points" for making the scrap book. Can somebody tell me if "house points" is a common thing for teachers to use? I've only encountered the term in fiction books.
Fred calling Angela treacle was very sweet. Now that I think about it, Fred probably sees more of the Turner children than of his own grandchildren, or Violet's. He always organising something for the kids in the neighbourhood, from running the cubs to joining the bus ride to see the Christmas lights and sending his paper boys to the clinic for working children, and now he's the lollipop man. Good on him!
Tim passing his driving test reminded me of the giant bills I've been paying in the last few months for my kid going to driving school. And then I noticed that Shelagh still does not drive. Chummy learned and Sister Winifred and I'm sure by now Delia has taught Patsy as well. On the other hand, Patrick is always using the car, Shelagh would have to get her own vehicle if she wants to drive.
Meanwhile, Miss Higgins is aquiring new premises for the clinic, and shows her best no-nonsense attitude while the badminton match is going on behind her. It's hilarious.
Sister Monica Joan is not impressed by Apollo
her complaint about Patrick is exquisite: "Can you not remove this man? He seems to be pleading the case for eternal life."
Trixie in her hostess gown! Opinions? I like the gown better than her new hairdo.
Matthew cooking a festive dinner for them - good on him!
Geoffrey! So much to unpack there, he'll get his own post.
What's his profession again? something with the expat community in Malta?
Brenda and Toni together in the maternity home, being honest but kind and sharing their fears, that is just beautiful. Having family around is lovely, but the kind of support and understanding that young mothers can give each other is really one of a kind.
Mr. Sharma in the hospital deserved more real attention instead of just well-meaning words from the staff, so they could maybe have lessened his fear and avoided his running off out through the snow without understanding why he's feeling so unwell. Without Cyril's patient kindness and the respectful trust he established this could have gone much worse.
Filming in the ambulance must have been exhausting. Birth scenes are always strenuous, but with three or four adults and several babies in the cramped space, I don't fancy being the cameraperson.
The only other mother in labour who had Patrick sitting behind her as support was Shelagh, so Brenda is expertly looked after at this point.
What kind of care did the specialist give to Brenda during her pregnancy? apart from that one palpation he's just parading around and celebrating what he sees as his own achievments, when the development of fertility drugs is a joint effort of many people and the mothers are bearing most of the actual load.
I've noticed Nancy is more comfortable now reassuring mothers who share some of her experiences. Having a safe space to live together with Colette has given her calm and happiness.
I've had a two-hour-drive today in the dark and I did not like it. Phyllis driving home in pain through the snow makes me want to reach through the screen and pick up her car like a toy and place it safely in front on Nonnatus house.
Glad to see her snapping many, many photos at the Christmas party.
Tim at the church organ made me smile. The entire scene is magical, brimming with detail, and everyone playing their parts proudly. Apart from maybe baby Mark, who was not quite aware of the backstory.
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