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joezworld · 3 years

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Specifically, any headcanons of the Sodor Engines interacting with the internet, or the internet in general?

For some reason, I’d imagine that podcasts and the like are popular among vehicles in general.

That is a question that I've been working on for some time - because I'm workshopping my own Tornado headcanon (and boy oh boy does she use the internet a lot) - but I have some ideas for the Sodor engines as well:

Henry is probably the most "plugged in" engine on the island, weirdly enough. One of his drivers gave him an iPod back in the early 2000s, and kindly preloaded it with a bunch of torrented music.

BTW, that works because all the engines are now equipped with automatic train warning systems, and the little on-board computer has a USB port - as a nice side effect it allows music players to work with the engines in the same way as bone-conducting headphones do. The computer also acts as some kind of computer interface, which I am not going to explain how that works because Jesus Christ I don’t know how it does either.

Henry has managed to upgrade his iPod a few times since thanks to hand-me-down units from NWR staff, so he eventually got his buffers on a wifi-enabled iPod Touch and now downloads new music from the station wifi. He does listen to podcasts, but as every other engine will tell you, you could show Henry ten thousand new and exciting songs from the best artists in the world, and his top ten played songs are still going to be Genesis, Phil Collins, and Yes. Bear considers it a win that he managed to convince Henry to regularly listen to Rush after a mere twenty years of convincing.

Mavis and Daisy listen to a very interesting program called The News, because as stated elsewhere, they invest a shitload of money and need to be on top of things. Thomas and Percy wish that Daisy would use headphones or something similar to that, instead of listening to Bloomberg TV at loud volumes in the middle of the night. Toby frankly doesn’t mind, as it’s very nice to be kept up-to-date on the outside world.

In a move that surprises no-one, Bill and Ben have a podcast where they talk about whatever they think about at that moment - usually horse-racing, investing, and clay mining. As such, they have a wide audience, almost none of whom know that they’re that Bill and Ben, as their podcast is audio-only.

In an also unsurprising move, Edward and BoCo have been made very much aware that Bill and Ben have a podcast, but are still unsure as to what the hell a podcast is, despite being frequent guests on it.

Of the main line diesels, only Bear has shown any real interest in the internet, and was immediately put in charge of the Amazon Alexa when a unit was installed in the diesel shed. He also has an iPod that he got for Christmas a few years back. (The NWR has a very good personal electronics recycling program called give it to Henry, he’ll make use it.)

Bear does listen to podcasts as well as music, but his choices are so insufferably boring that even Henry refuses to listen to them. (I don’t really listen to podcasts - despite making one - so insert the most boring podcast you can think of here.)

As for other internet uses...

Gordon is very up-to-date on the newest social media trends - somehow - but only really cares when he is involved. He won’t admit it, but he’s been trying to figure out how to work a camera/selfie stick for some time so he can start up his own Instagram account. So far he has been unsuccessful, but one day he will manage it.

James has had an ongoing feud with his own Wikipedia page for about a decade now. The article sourced most of its information about his construction off of some out-of-print book about the L&Y. The book in question is accurate about James’ class, but not James himself - as he was a prototype engine. There’s no other primary sources available, so the very dedicated Wikipedia mod who created the page won’t change it - no matter how much James complains that he was there! He knows what happened!

Every now and again a TTTE fan blog/tumblr will make a post about hypothetical “ships” of the Sodor engines. Most of the time it’s shipping the core characters like Gordon and Henry, much to Gordon’s bafflement and Henry’s amusement!

Only one blog (a ttte fan tumblr by the curious name of @mean-scarlet-deceiver ) has gotten it right. Henry actually reached out to congratulate this blogger, but was unfortunately mistaken for a very dedicated roleplay account.

James is very annoyed by these blogs, as they have never once correctly guessed who he is “shipped” with! He has tried several times to be seen in public with Delta, but these events have never gone as planned - the “best” instance is when Edward rolled by at exactly the wrong moment, leading to months of speculation that JamesxEdward was the ship to look out for!

Thomas, being a generally oblivious sort of engine, was totally unaware of the online fan community around the TV show until he started getting actively harassed by vloggers and Instagrammers in the early 2010s. He’s fine with it now, but it was a deeply unusual experience for most of 2012.

Toby has developed an unexpectedly popular following on social media following his collab with Stormzy. His official twitter is huge now, with over a million followers, even if he has no idea what to do with it. He posts rarely, but usually manages to make an incredible post when he does.

No-one is sure who told Oliver what a “fan-production” is, but if you manage to get ahold of him for any period of time and ask him nicely, he will lend his voice to your TTTE fan-project, so long as it isn’t about [INSERT TERRIBLE SOCIAL/POLITICAL VIEW(S) HERE]. This means that he has 100% voiced dramatic readings of NSFW Fanfics before, which is always an absolute riot to spring on people unannounced.

There is a series of slice-of-life TTTE fanfics on Ao3 that have been written with such accuracy and innate railway knowledge that people are sure it was written by a Sodor engine, but nobody knows which one.

The Culdee Fell Railway has very active Instagram, Twitter and YouTube accounts, with all of the engines and coaches showing up regularly. It’s about the closest any of the railways on Sodor have come to what those outside the UK would call “normal locomotive social media”.

The Skarloey Railway has social media accounts too, but they don’t really feature the engines in any meaningful way, instead being used as a normal service announcements page.

The SR is a real working railway that doesn’t rely on tourism money as much as the others do, so they get a bit of a pass here.

The Arlesdale Railway has Twitter and YouTube, which didn’t usually get a lot of hits until 2020, when Ivan and Amanda Farrier started badgering the staff to make some videos just to alleviate some boredom. So far the most popular videos on the channel are a front-mounted camera video of the entire line slow-tv style, Bert explaining how steam engines work, and a video of Mike complaining about Justin Bieber for a solid half-hour.

That’s about it as far as Sodor goes, but before we’re done, I want to take a moment to talk about Tornado, because I have some fun ideas for her...

First of all, we need to establish that Tornado is very young. Her construction only started in late 90′s, and she was steamed to life in 2000, putting her firmly into the “Zoomer” category. Add in the fact that she was built by a bunch of old men who didn’t really know how to treat a new engine, and she was raised much more like a human than a locomotive - I’ll get to this much more in the proper Tornado Headcanon post, but what this means here is that when social media started being a thing in the mid-to-late 2000′s, the people at the A1 Trust decided that they needed a young person to run things like Twitter, Facebook, and Myspace... and, well, Tornado was the youngest person in the trust by a large margin.

I should state here that in the rest of the world, locomotives are on the internet at roughly the same level as humans are, so there’s plenty of equipment to connect a phone/computer/camera to an engine - being English, the A1 Trust didn’t know how common it was, but they managed to get it up and running just the same.

So Tornado has very quickly become attuned to the internet, just like any other teenager would. (yes, let’s let that settle into our minds for a moment - Tornado is barely old enough to drink in the US!) Quite naturally that means that she knows social media inside and out, and is actually quite a proficient social media manager for the trust, managing all of their social pages. More than one person who has complained about the trust on twitter has unknowingly been complaining to Tornado herself!

“On the internet, nobody knows that you’re a dog Engine”.

Tornado has her own personal social media accounts too, but most/all of the time she gets mistaken for a very dedicated role-player, as the general perception of British Locomotives is that they don’t tweet. This has resulted in some amazing reactions from podcast hosts (because, as you might expect, Tornado is very knowledgeable about steam traction in the 21st century, and tweets about it often, so train podcasts want to talk to her) when she gets invited onto video calls, turns on her webcam, and is met with screams from people who suddenly realize that her profile picture is accurate.

By far the best instance of this is when she was invited onto a video call with a railfan podcast. She was at the NRM at the time and managed to convince them to let her use their Skype setup. A wide-angle lens was needed because she was on the turntable in the Great Hall, so that podcast quickly got sidetracked when her webcam was turned on and revealed Tornado, with Mallard, Evening Star, City of Truro, and Green Arrow visible behind her. Whatever the original topic was quickly got thrown out in favor of a 2-hour Q&A with some of the most famous engines in the UK.

#ask response #the internet #ttte thomas #ttte toby #ttte bill and ben #ttte gordon #ttte daisy #ttte mavis #ttte henry #ttte bear #ttte oliver #tornado #nrm #trains using the internet #ttte #sodor #sodor shenangians #the formatting on this one is super fucked up and i can't figure out how to fix it - sorry

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xiyao-feels · 3 years

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So, this started off as a shipping bingo for MDZS nie//lan; I've added the bingo meme above so that you know what you're getting into. What it evolved into, however, is several thousand words of close reading of the NMJ+LXC relationship, getting some into the 3//zun dynamics and comparing it with LXC and JGY's relationship to help demonstrate my point. If that sounds interesting to you, read away! Fair warning: as you might gather from the bingo above I am not very gentle, not only on the idea of a romantic relationship but also on their friendship.

Originally, I imagined I'd be saying something like, while of course they were very good friends and LXC grieves for NMJ, there's no evidence of romantic interest. But I wanted to look over the scenes first, to get a handle on them properly and to pick out some quotes; and what I found, when I looked at it closely, startled me—I couldn't believe how little there actually was.

My methodology for this review, by the way: I searched the entire text for every variation on their name I could think of, and then read over the chapter for chapters they were both mentioned in. I also reviewed chapters where only one of them is mentioned (that's how I caught the reference in ch 16, where NMJ is only referred to as NHS' brother). I might have missed something, or I might have read it and not registered it, etc etc. I definitely don't have JGY's memory XP But I've done my best to be thorough.

Also, a heads up: while I've done a little bit of addressing NMJ's emotions, this is mostly focused on what LXC feels, because otherwise this would be even more ridiculously long and because that's where my interest lies.

I'll state my conclusions up front, in case you just want to know what I think and not have to wade through [mumble] thousand words to get there. But it's far enough off from even the standard non-shippy take on their relationship that I really did think it was worth walking through the evidence.

It seems to me that while NMJ and LXC were to some extent close before the war, they grew apart during the war and very much so afterwards. There are a few moments that suggest NMJ might feel unusually tender towards LXC, there is nothing similar on LXC's part, and frankly their post-Sunshot interactions that we see suggest that—while LXC certainly cares about him—he does not at all feel close to him.

Moreover, his personal grief for NMJ's death, and whatever personal betrayal he may feel about JGY killing his, LXC's, friend, are not the drivers of his emotional difficulties with respect to JGY.

Okay, now the evidence. This has been divided up into two parts, NMJ alive and NMJ dead.

Pt I: NMJ alive

LXC and NMJ were friends before Sunshot; while we don't have a lot of evidence to guess how close they were, we can certainly see signs of long familiarity with each other in their later interactions, and it's worth noting that we don't see either of them having other friends beyond, in LXC's case, JGY.*

*NMJ got along with his subordinate MY very well, but except for one incident it was purely in the context of a superior/subordinate relationship, and he does not seem to have been interested in MY as a person, so I'm not classing them as friends.

Nevertheless, during Sunshot, we can see LXC begin to grow apart from him, and in their post-Sunshot interactions they start not very close and end up quite distant. By the time if NMJ's death, it's clear that while LXC cares about him, he is not emotionally close to him at all.

A brief discussion of NMJ's feelings, before I spend most of the rest of the post focusing on LXC's. As I mentioned above, LXC seems to be NMJ's only friend, and he does react to him in ways he doesn't really seem to anyone else. In the teacups scene, for example, we're told that "while Nie MingJue had never been one for humor," nevertheless "in front of Lan XiChen, his expression eased." Later, towards the end of the stairs incident, LXC is able to dissuade him from immediately pursuing JGY's death, which I believe is as much as we see anyone ever do with NMJ's anger. Finally, in ch 46, when LXC and LWJ are playing music to deal with NMJ's headless corpse, WWX thinks that NMJ might particularly be responding to LXC playing Liebing: "Wei WuXian didn’t know if it was only his imagination, but as soon as the soft, serene tone of the xiao appeared, the corpse’s movement paused. For a moment, he seemed to have stood still and listened, then turned around, as though he wanted to see who was the one playing the music."

If you wanted to say that NMJ has romantic or quasi-romantic feelings about LXC, then I don't think that would be an unreasonable extrapolation from the text, although I also don't think it's a necessary one; friendship and minor romantic feelings are I think pretty much equally fair readings.

Even so, LXC is not his priority; rather, he prioritizes NHS and (probably not unrelatedly) JGY's moral rectitude. In Ch 48, the friendly 3zun conversation only happens because NMJ was seeking LXC out to bring him NHS' saber, which he'd left behind, and when he qi deviates it's NHS and not LXC who manages to bring him some calm just before he dies, and whose features he can recognize (ch 50). At the Phoenix Mountain Hunt (ch 69-70), we see no sign that either he or LXC sought each other out, and on those occasions we do see NMJ initiate discussion with LXC it's usually about JGY's moral rectitude (ch 73, his sarcastic remark about JGY's hard work after the conference about WWX; ch 49, his interjection during the guqin scene; ch 49, the beginning of the stairs incident).

And what about what LXC feels? Let's take a close look at the progression of their relationship.

In chapter 16, when NHS is studying at Cloud Recesses, we see LXC run into him and convey NMJ's query into his studies, having apparently recently returned from Qinghe. While he doesn't say what he was doing there, it seems reasonable to infer that he was either visiting NMJ or at least visited him while he was there. (ETA: NHS also hopes that LXC will put in some good words for him to NMJ, which also suggests that he expects they'll be in contact.) This establishes a baseline of closeness from before the war, however much they drift apart during and after. However, we never see any of their interactions before the war, or anything else about their relationship; this is all we get.

The high point of the NMJ and LXC interactions that we see on page happen during Sunshot, where we see them have three conversations (all in ch 48). High point, however, is a relative phrase. In order, there's the teacups scene; there's their conversation (including MY) after NMJ agrees to release MY from his service, with a recommendation letter no less; and there's their conversation where NMJ recounts what happened with MY in Langya.

Let's start with the teacups scene. NMJ and LXC do talk, but it's part of a group conversation with other cultivators—at least three and as many as six of whom we see interject,* one of whom is another sect leader—and it seems mostly about practical or immediate matters. The exchange on the page isn't long and "Soon afterward, Lan XiChen and the rest stood up" and are led to their resting areas by MY. Moreover, interestingly, it's NMJ who asks all the questions; LXC answers him, but doesn't ask him questions in turn, or comment on his situation.

*there are two separate occasions where there cultivators per chime in

(Note also that the focus of the conversation suggests that NMJ and LXC aren't communicating extensively through letters or anything, as does LXC not knowing MY is NMJ's deputy. I don't think this is hugely significant, given that there's a war on and presumably they don't want information leaking everywhere and LXC doesn't seem to have a fixed address, but it does seem worth noting—as does the implication, perhaps more significant, that LXC only stops at Hejian when he's escorting other cultivators: "Everytime Lan XiChen passed Hejian as he was escorting other cultivators, he would rest shortly[.]")

NMJ and LXC's conversation in the teacups scene stands in really stark contrast to the conversation between LXC and MY that NMJ is about to overhear. That conversation is very much private; it's in LXC's private resting area, and MY is sitting in the presence of Zewu-Jun. The conversation is sort of about the war, but really only as it relates to MY's dream of "earn[ing] a proper place in the LanlingJin Sect" and "receiv[ing] the approval of [his] father." The very first thing we hear LXC say is a comment on MY's situation ("What a coincidence. You joined MingJue-xiong’s force and became his deputy")! He is of course going to go on to raise the possibility of MY going to Langya (to serve his father), and independently volunteer to talk to NMJ if NMJ isn't willing to let MY go. And even after NMJ joins them, some things are kept private between LXC and MY; when he asks them how they know each other, LXC refuses to answer, and then when he asks MY to answer as LXC will not, MY also refuses him, since LXC doesn't want it spoken.

The two conversations are simply very different, in a way that suggests a strong contrast between LXC's feelings for and interest in NMJ and LXC's feelings for and interest in MY. It's also worth noting, as I mentioned above, that it seems that NMJ sought LXC out because he was bringing LXC NHS' sabre, so LXC can bring it on to NHS.

Now, let's look at the conversation the three of them have after NMJ volunteers to give MY a letter of recommendation and send him to serve his father in Langya. This conversation is, I think, the high point of the interactions they have that we actually see. LXC expresses a positive evaluation of NMJ: "Look, I told you that MingJue-xiong would respect your decision." He smiles at NHS' sabre, and responds directly to NMJ. And then of course there's this famous paragraph:

The three chatted back and forth, at times serious, yet at times light. The conversation was much more relaxed than when they had been in the living room. Listening to their chatter, Wei WuXian often wanted to get a word in as well, yet he was unable to do so.

That said...well. Again, there's nothing about anything here that suggests romance, and if you look at the reasons I give for it being the high point, that's not actually very high. As to the paragraph—again, I do think they're friends! But I think it's also noteworthy that the easiest conversation we see/hear about them having is one that is early in the war,* and where MY is also present, and one where NMJ has just done something good for MY.

*MY is noted as having joined the Nie forces "right after" Sunshot begins, and to have been promoted to NMJ's deputy after not many interactions; LXC also seems surprised at least by MY being NMJ's deputy, which suggests that he hasn't stopped there before while this was the case, and he comes by in the paragraph immediately after MY is promoted. Finally, after MY vanishes after his confrontation with NMJ in Langya, we're told that "during the next few years" no traces could be found of him. All taken together, this suggests to me that MY was NMJ's deputy for 1-2 months early in the war, and the conversation of course takes place at the very end of that period

(As ever, I recommend confusion-and-more's close reading of the second scene, here.)

The next interaction that's mentioned in the text is after MY tricks and immobilizes NMJ and flees, when NMJ describes what happened with him to LXC. I think it's worth noting exactly how the exchange is introduced:

Even when Lan XiChen had the time to assist Langya, a few days later, his anger hadn’t died down one bit. As soon as he came, Lan XiChen laughed, “MingJue-xiong, what a temper you seem to be in. Where is Meng Yao? Why does he not come and douse your flames?”

"As soon as he came," note! It seems to be literally the first thing LXC says. And while it is a comment on NMJ's state, its primary function seems to be as a lead-in to asking about the state/whereabouts of MY. Their exchange as the text shows us is /entirely/ about MY, and he's clearly the focus of LXC's interest. We also have this from LXC, which I think is interesting as it shows the contrast between his morality and NMJ's:

"Judging from his words, the person whom he killed had definitely done wrong. However, he should not have taken his life either. We are in harsh times, so it is quite difficult to determine who was at fault."

Their next interaction is in chapter 49, LXC defending MY from NMJ post Sun Palace—and I don't just mean verbally, he's defending against Baxia with an unsheathed Shuoyue through this whole conversation. At this point, he still has some faith in NMJ's ability to act rationally towards MY, as he asks MY if MY hadn't told NMJ about his being the spy, and NMJ displays familiarity with LXC, knowing that he rarely interrupted people. I'll note that unlike in CQL, LXC does not seem particularly angry at this point—MDZS LXC is almost never angry, including at multiple points where CQL LXC /is/—but overall it's hardly an example of particular closeness, and we see that LXC's morality continues to differ from NMJ's: "MingJue-xiong," he says of MY, "he was undercover in Qishan, and sometimes there would be some things that… could not have been helped."

Later in the chapter, just before the Flower Banquet, it's mentioned (possibly as inference from WWX) that LXC brought up the sworn brotherhood to NMJ, "having always hoped that the two [NMJ and JGY] would reconcile." Obviously we can infer things about their closeness from the fact that LXC does in fact swear brotherhood with NMJ, but we have no direct textual statement as to why he wanted to swear /himself/ to NMJ, be that personal or political or both.

Next comes the Flower Banquet. NMJ seeks JGY out, first, for his usual concerns with JGY's moral rectitude. Shortly after, LWJ and LXC come over; shortly after that, JC and WWX come over, though they soon move on. There are two things I want to note here. First, it's the only time we see LXC seek NMJ out (and one of only two times we see one of them seek the other out—the other will be in ch 73, after the conference about WWX, when NMJ comes over to him and JGY talking). Second, this is the only time we see LXC respond to NMJ verbally post-Sunshot in a way that isn't about defending someone, either JGY (the usual case) or WQ (at the conference in ch 73)—although it is to some degree a defense of WWX, and it's not quite directly in reply to NMJ, as NMJ and LWJ have a brief exchange on the subject first. These positive signs will not occur again, and I think it's significant that this is the earliest post-Sunshot scene we see.

The next scene for this analysis (chronologically speaking; it's in an entirely different chapter) is the Phoenix Mountain Hunt. Although we see NMJ and LXC arrive to the hunt in ch 69, NMJ arrives after the Twin Jades have started slowly riding into the distance and we don't actually see them interact at all; nor do we see them together in ch 70, the rest of the hunt. Moreover, there doesn't really seem to be any suggestion that they /did/ interact. When JGY says he's not sure if he'll be able to expand the hunting ground in two hours, LXC asks him why, instead of saying something like "oh right da-ge was doing all that hunting too." Moreover, when JGY answers him ("not only did Young Master Wei keep a third of the prey to himself, our eldest brother has eliminated over half of the fays and the monsters as well"), LXC's response doesn't indicate that he saw NMJ earlier, or knew what he was doing, though it does suggest a general familiarity with Nie Mingjue's character: 'Hearing this, Lan XiChen laughed, “That is how Brother is like, after all.”'

Now, this hardly rules out the idea that they had any interaction, but I think it at least suggests they didn't have any significant interaction, or any interaction after the hunt began. This is in contrast (again!) to his relationship with JGY—he was with him earlier for who knows how long, as they arrive on the scene together, and after this is going to go help expand the hunting grounds. They do have LWJ with them for this last, but he's helping them at LXC's request, and the framing of that request is very—well: "WangJi, should we leave, or would you like to help as well?" So LWJ can come help them, but if he doesn't want to, LXC is simply going to go off with JGY again.

If the Flower Banquet was the high point of their actual interactions on the page, post-Sunshot, then this is I think the most purely emotionally positive we see LXC feel about NMJ post-Sunshot. Significantly, it's based on an apparently older familiarity, and it's when they don't seem to have interacted recently and NMJ isn't even on the page.

The next scene they're in together, again chronologically, is in chapter 73. They're seated together in the first row, but that's explicitly because of their status, and they're grouped with LWJ and JC: "In the front row sat sect leaders and famed cultivators like Nie MingJue, Jiang Cheng, Lan XiChen, and Lan WangJi." During the conference, they have a brief conflict about WQ's culpability, which LXC leaves off explicitly because he's familiar with NMJ's hatred for the Wen. After the conference, we're told "the Venerated Trio gathered," but what this looks like in practice is LXC and JGY talking together and then NMJ coming over. LXC observed that JGY has worked hard, JGY is amused by the destruction JC wrought on his table, and then NMJ interrupts with a negative comment about JGY*: "All clever talk—hard work indeed." LXC smiles but doesn't reply. JGY tries to change the subject by asking LXC where LWJ is, and LXC gestures to the front, where LWJ and Mianmian are finishing up their conversation. NMJ compliments Mianmian, and JGY agrees. That's the end of the scene. I noted for the Flower Banquet that that scene unusually involves LXC replying verbally to NMJ in a way that isn't /just/ about defending someone; here, LXC does not speak a single word after NMJ joins them.

*In the interests of not being unfair I will note that NMJ did observe JGY lie; this doesn't really matter to the NMJ-LXC stuff except that it's a lie that LXC would also have noticed, as it involved contradicting LWJ.

NMJ and LXC are once again in the same scene in ch 78, for the swearing ceremony, and even speak one after the other. However, they don't seem to interact in any way, and their speech seems to be an important sect leader thing; we're told of their responses to JGS' toast, and then JC is explicitly contrasted in not speaking:

Nie MingJue, “May their souls live on.”

Lan XiChen, “Rest in peace.”

Jiang Cheng, however, still had on a darkened expression. He didn’t say anything even after he poured the wine.

Now we're back in the Empathy chapters, after a not insignificant gap: the next scene is the guqin scene, in chapter 49. Although LXC is playing guqin in the Unclean Realm, and is going to offer to teach JGY the Song of Clarity which he can use on NMJ, LXC and NMJ barely interact at all—they only have one very brief exchange, where NMJ objects to LXC teaching JGY the SoC (because it's leaking Lan techniques), LXC defends his decision, and NMJ realizes he's not going to change his mind so he doesn't say anything. Again, in contrast, LXC is very focused on JGY, asking him questions about his background, complimenting his playing, and independently offering to help him improve his guqin and even teach him an "exclusive teaching" of the Lan! The contrast is very noticeable.

A little after this, it's revealed that LXC left a guqin at the UR, apparently for JGY to use to play the SoC to NMJ. This is ostensibly because he is busy with the rebuilding of CR, although WWX speculates that this is just an excuse and that he "simply wanted to give Nie MingJue and Jin GuangYao a chance to ease their tension."

In chapter 30, it's revealed that at a Discussion Conference in the past, NMJ (who we are told otherwise would not have shown up, note, although it would have been an opportunity to see LXC) confronts the Jin about their refusal to sentence XY to death. He draws his sabre with the intent of killing XY, and gives JGY "a harsh scolding," causing JGY to "hid[e] behind Lan XiChen, not daring to say anything else." It seems likely that LXC defends JGY and/or helps to calm NMJ down, although nevertheless the Jin Sect has to (temporarily) give in on the matter of XY's death sentence; nothing about any further interaction they may have is noted.

Their next interaction is at the stairs incident, back in chapter 49. NMJ charges in on LXC and JGY, who are discussing the watchtower plans together, and tells LXC to stay there and JGY to come out with him. LXC's "face disclose[s] his worry," but JGY stops him and follows NMJ out. Some time later, LXC shows up at the conflict, coming to see what's happening, "concerned after having waited for long." He manages to calm NMJ down and prevent him from further trying to kill JGY, by talking about the work JGY has put in with the Song of Clarity, pointing out that he really is in a terrible situation, and urging NMJ to give him more time. Nothing he says particularly suggests that he feels close to NMJ; if anything, he seems kind of in denial about just how much NMJ is set against JGY.

Finally, there is their last interaction, just before NMJ's death. LXC is defending—well, not so much NMJ as the idea that NMJ hasn't rejected JGY completely, to JGY. His arguments are as follows: NMJ chose to become sworn brothers with JGY, which means he approves of JGY; when NMJ included in the oath stuff about "face a thousand accusing fingers, be torn from limb to limb," and so forth, he /also/ included "if one were to think otherwise," and since JGY doesn't think otherwise, he doesn't need to worry about it too much; that NMJ has always cherished JGY's talent and hoped he would choose the right path; and finally, that he's really really troubled by the saber spirit, that "[h]is anger was simply too great for him to have thought before speaking," and that JGY must not provoke him again (presumably by talking back, as he did at the stairs). As shining defenses of character go, this... isn't one. Again, he seems like he's kind of in denial about how much NMJ is set against JGY—notably, he didn't see all of the stairs incident, certainly not the part before JGY talked back—but it also doesn't exactly contain a strong positive assessment of NMJ. Forget his defense of JGY to Wangxian: this doesn't even compare to his confidence in NMJ in the conversation NMJ overhears and then joins at the Hejian front.

I realize all this is a lot, so to sum up their post-Sunshot interactions: we only see LXC seek out NMJ once, early post-Sunshot, and that's at a party. The fondest LXC seems of NMJ is one line during the Phoenix Mountain Hunt, when NMJ isn't even on-page. We do not see them spend any time privately together when JGY is not also there, and every time they interact publically JGY is also present at the party or gathering. When we do see them interact, the only time LXC responds verbally directly to NMJ is in defense of someone; if we include his indirect defense of WWX at the Flower Banquet, then that becomes 'the only time we see LXC respond verbally to NMJ at all.'

This is not of course to say that they don't have interactions we don't see. Given the time gaps, they must! But there's nothing about the interactions we *do* see to suggest that the ones we don't are in any way actually emotionally close, certainly not on LXC's part. Again, a contrast with his interactions with JGY is instructive; as with NMJ, we certainly don't see all of their interactions, but what we do see signals their closeness, mutual respect, and tendency to spend time together.

PT II: NMJ dead

Okay, you say, but wait! What about the depth of his renewed grief after he finds NMJ's body!! What about his deep personal betrayal about JGY killing his close friend!!!

Yes, I say, wild-eyed, having tried to find anything in the text for just that. what /about/ all that.

My problem is, how do I prove a negative? In the chapters with NMJ alive, LXC's presence and his interactions with NMJ are short enough that I could reasonably if lengthily discuss and summarize; that's just not going to work here (there are twelve and a half temple chapters!), not least because some of it is a matter of context or interpretation. So I'm doing two things. First, where we do see him actively upset, I'm going to show you what he seems upset about, and second, I'm going to point out places where we might expect him to react if he's feeling a deep personal grief about NMJ specifically, and instead he does not, or reacts differently.

Let's start with chapter 46, where LXC sees NMJ's moving corpse for the first time. I've seen the idea around that LXC recognized NMJ by his abs, but this doesn't really seem to be the case; it's either the shape of his (headless) body or his saber-fighting movements. Significantly, LWJ also recognizes it at the exact same time: "As they saw the headless shadow, both [LXC and LWJ] paused shortly." LXC's reaction to this recognition is extreme surprise, "almost to the point of shocked," and he takes a bit to resume playing Liebing, joining LWJ on the guqin (to deal with the headless corpse that's going around). 'Shock' is hardly incompatible with immense personal grief, but I will note that in this section he is also not described as anything other than shocked, although it is his first time seeing NMJ's body in ten years.

In a few paragraphs they deal with the corpse, attacking its energy enough that it falls back into pieces. As WWX seals the pieces back into his qiankun pouch, LXC asks him to wait: he wants to look at the corpse first, and he's described as having an "ashen" complexion. In context, though, both of these things seem to me to be about the likely identity of NMJ's killer, rather than NMJ himself; when LXC says he want to look at the corpse, WWX asks him if he recognizes the corpse, but it's not LXC who replies: "Before Lan XiChen could reply, Lan WangJi already nodded slowly." Moreover, as WWX points out, LWJ has already given LXC all the evidence that points at JGY as the killer—and also, after they do start talking about the identity of the killer, LXC shows no further interest in the corpse. This, from WWX, seems to me to sum up LXC's emotional conflict in this conversation: "Sect Leader Lan, you know who is the most suspicious person. You’re just refusing to admit it." It's not about NMJ being the corpse per se; it's what NMJ being the corpse suggests JGY did. ETA: I look at this scene in more detail here.

(I'll also note that the very first time we see LXC have anything to do with NMJ's corpse, it's in chapter 11, in the context of LWJ asking if LXC is visiting JGY "again" and a paragraph on JGY from WWX which includes the revelation that he and LXC are sworn brothers on the one hand, and LXC talking about LWJ being in good spirits and bringing guests home on the other. Meanwhile, NMJ's arm: 'Lan XiChen spoke, “Uncle has taken and examined what you brought back from Mo Village.”'

Now obviously we can't infer LXC's feelings about NMJ from this directly, given that he doesn't know it's NMJ's arm at the time, but it's certainly textually suggestive, and it very much fits in with a pattern of LXC prioritizing JGY and LWJ.)

That's most of the end of chapter 46; the next chapter has LXC, LWJ, and WWX going to the discussion conference at Carp Tower. Again, it's kind of hard to prove a negative, and LXC's reactions aren't really described at great length (though he does of course greet JGY with a smile); the only thing that seems unusual is that he seems "absent-minded."

Chapters 48 and 49, and part of 50, are the Empathy chapters. After WWX escapes from the flashback and returns to LWJ, he and LWJ start causing a ruckus trying to get into JGY's bedchamber (to get to his secret room). An audience is attracted, including LXC. Taking a cue from LWJ, he pressures his way into the treasure room; he seems relieved when NMJ's head isn't behind the curtain WWX lifts. He has—well, he certainly has a few emotional reactions, but at no point does he seem driven by grief over NMJ instead of uncertainty about JGY. At one point he "nod[s] heavily" to confirm to NHS that he's talking about NMJ. Or consider this exchange:

Jin GuangYao’s eyes still held tears, but appeared as if they were red with anger. He clenched his hands into fists and shouted with both grief and resentment, “Dismembered… Dismembered! Who in this world could’ve done such an insane act?!”

Lan XiChen shook his head, “I do not know. When we were searching for the head, the clues disappeared.”

Now obviously JGY is acting—but he's acting the role of someone who /is/ personally mourning NMJ, and he's showing more anger than LXC ever does about it. Now—to be fair, MDZS LXC gets angry even less than CQL LXC, who is hardly an angry person. But there are a few times we do see him angry—certain moments confronting JGY in the temple, in the temple courtyard when he's angry at WWX for how he's treated LWJ—and what happens to NMJ's body, never mind the fact of the death itself, doesn't seem to make the list.

In chapter 63, WWX wakes up in CR, having been recovering for four days. In this chapter and the next two, LXC becomes increasingly distressed as they discover the Song of Turmoil and the evidence seems to weigh against Jin Guangyao, enough that it's not really feasible to review every instance of it. Nevertheless, there are a couple of parts I think it's worth looking at directly.

In chapter 64, we get something extremely valuable: LXC's statement of his own emotional quandary.

Lan XiChen supported his head on his hand. His voice was low, as though he was trying to hold something back, “WangJi, the version of Jin GuangYao that I know is entirely different compared to the version that you know and the version that the world knows! Throughout all these years, in my eyes, he has always been… enduring his suffer, caring for all people, treating everyone with respect. I have always believed, without a doubt, that the criticism he received from others all came from misunderstandings, that what I knew how he truly is. Now, you want me to believe, at once, that everything about this person is fake, that he planned to kill one of his sworn brothers, that I was also a part of his plan and even helped him… Could you please allow me some more discretion before I make my own judgement?”

So, what is he distressed by here? It's quite clearly the idea that he /doesn't/ know JGY, that the JGY he knows is fake, a falsehood, and relatedly that their relationship is not as he understands it ("that I was also a part of his plan and even helped him"). JGY killing NMJ is obviously what inspires this crisis, but it's not at all what's centered in his speech here, and even the half-sentence mention that it gets doesn't frame it at all in terms of NMJ's relationship to LXC. "He planned to kill one of his sworn brothers," he says, not "our sworn brother" or "my sworn brother" or even "my friend."

(The paragraph immediately following reads to me more like WWX's conclusions than narrative certainty, but either way, it's not about his personal relationship with NMJ: "Lan XiChen had taught Jin GuangYao the Song of Clarity, keeping in mind the grudge between Jin GuangYao and Nie MingJue, hoping that they could be how they used to be. He requested Jin GuangYao to help calm Nie MingJue in place of him. Who would’ve known that his kindness made possible Jin GuangYao’s cruelty? How should he face himself now?")

Later in the chapter, there's the famous section where he tells WWX about his and LWJ's parents' story. I do think part of this is about telling WWX something about LWJ (although not that LWJ has feelings for him, which MDZS LXC thinks he already knows), but it's also pretty transparently about his own uncertainty re: JGY.

He paused before speaking again, “Young Master Wei, can you understand why he did such a thing?”

Wei WuXian answered after a moment of silence, “He could neither forgive the one who killed his teacher nor watch the death of the woman who he loved. He could only marry her to protect her life and force himself not to see her.”

Lan XiChen, “Do you think that this was right?”

Wei WuXian, “I don’t know.”

Lan XiChen looked somewhat lost, “Then, what do you think would be right?”

Wei WuXian, “I don’t know.”

A while later, [Lan Xichen speaks again, in a whisper]

He spoke, “Madam Lan must’ve been a very gentle woman.”

Lan XiChen, “In my memories, Mother had indeed been so. I do not know why she did such a thing back then. And, in truth, I…”

He took in a deep breath before confessing, “Do not want to know either.”

It's not what you might call subtle.

But it's also worth noting, I think, exactly what LXC focuses on telling the story. It was one of his father's teachers that his mother killed—and while that is absolutely a very important position, and obviously would have mattered and indeed did matter to QHJ a great deal—that's literally all the information we get about him, that he was QHJ's teacher. He lingers on why QHJ did what he did, and whether it was the right thing; he talks about the crime his mother committed, and his response to that. He does not focus at all on the teacher, the clear NMJ-analogue in this scenario. He's not QHJ's beloved teacher, or his favourite teacher, or anything like that—he's not even just "his teacher," he's "one of his teachers." And maybe that's all the information he has about him, but he doesn't linger on that question either! Again, there's nothing here to suggest that his conflict is about his personal connection with NMJ.

ETA: I actually missed something here. Thanks to some critique in the notes (and which I discuss more extensively in the post linked at the bottom of the page), I looked at the Chinese here, and the word LXC uses for teacher is 恩师, which Pleco gives me as “mentor; one’s kind and respected master (or teacher).” So on the one hand, that's not nothing. On the other hand, the point remains that it's only one word, LXC isn't adding lots of adjectives on to describe the teacher, and as I mentioned in the previous paragraph, simply doesn't linger on the teacher in his conversation with WWX; the focus is elsewhere. I think the point as a whole stands.

Now to the temple chapters. I think it's fairly well-known, at this point, that he doesn't bring up NMJ to JGY in the temple chapters, but I'm going to point it out again—he doesn't bring up NMJ to JGY in the temple chapters! And this is, I feel, even more significant in MDZS, where he's seen NMJ's fierce corpse. That said, there are a few instances where he reacts to NMJ/NMJ's corpse; I'm going to look at all of them.

First of all, in ch 104 when WWX says "Looks like being called the son of a prostitute is really Sect Leader Jin’s weak spot. No wonder you killed ChiFeng-Zun," we're told that "With the mention of Nie MingJue, Lan XiChen’s expression changed." No further details are provided; we don't know what it changes into, and the only hint we have as to what it changes /from/ is that LXC's last described reaction, only two paragraphs previous, was calling "Sect Leader Jin" because he knew JGY was about to fuck with JC. Also interestingly, LXC does /not/ have any reaction described when JGY and JC have the "isn't it hard being your shixiong/isn't it even harder being your sworn brother" exchange, earlier in chapter 101. Perhaps his reaction is simply not noted by the text—it seems unlikely he has literally zero reaction to it—but if we're looking for a difference, it seems like it's either the explicit reference to killing NMJ, or the reminder of NMJ calling JGY the son of a prostitute.

Second, there's the moment NMJ('s fierce corpse) shows up (ch 106). He, JGY, and NHS all say "Brother." JGY and LXC's responses are one paragraph after the other, and the punctuation is the same: "… Brother."* Meanwhile, NHS reacts first, a few paragraphs earlier, and he cries out, "Brother!!!" We're told that "[their] three tones were drastically different," which is interesting as well. NHS seems in the grip of some strong, active emotion—excitement? grief? We're explicitly told that JGY is scared. Whatever LXC's tone is, it's hard to say—but it's not like NHS'.

*(In the original text it looks like LXC's is "…Brother." and JGY's is "…Brother...", but either way they're significantly more similar to each other's than either is to NHS'.)

Thirdly and finally, when the Jin cultivators are fighting NMJ's corpse (ch 107), NHS peers out from behind LXC's back and calls out to NMJ ("both frightened and eager"), leading NMJ to charge at them. LXC stops him by playing Liebing, then then tries to get him to recognize identifying NHS ("Brother, this is Huaisang!"); the latter unfortunately does not work, NMJ being totally overcome by resentful energy. This section does actually have some evidence of grief: when he plays Liebing, it's described as "with a sob of Liebing."

He'll continue to try and deal with NMJ's corpse, notably with LWJ and WWX, but those three moments are the only times he reacts to NMJ (as NMJ, as opposed to as a fierce corpse that needs to be dealt with). That's not a lot, and each moment is very brief, not to mention fairly ambiguous about LXC's emotional reaction. If he /was/ being driven by his grief for NMJ's death, you would think we'd see more of it.

Furthermore, there's one moment I think it's important to pull out as explicitly not about NMJ. LXC tells JGY (and had told him previously) not to call LXC er-ge, /not/ because he killed da-ge (which you might expect!) but because of the second siege: “Sect Leader Jin, I have already said, when you went your own way to scheme such havoc at Burial Mound, that there was no longer the need to call me ‘Brother.’”

Now, to be clear, it's not that LXC's reactions to things just aren't described in the temple sequence in general. Obviously we see him react when he's telling LWJ about WWX's feelings, but even beyond that, even when he's occupying a more background role in the narrative, we're given his reaction quite a few times. He sighs when LWJ seals his spiritual powers (ch 100); he tends to NHS, covering with his outer robe (ch 102), comforting him when he's disturbed at the sight of the coffin (ch 103), protecting him from SMS (after NHS frames him for stabbing him, ch. 107) and from NMJ (ch 107), and comforting him and giving him pain medicine about the wound in his leg (ch 108); along with LWJ, he's distressed by the sound of JC's sword-scraping technique against JGY's music (ch 101); he tries to warn JC a couple of times when JC is fighting JGY (ch 101), cautions JL (ch 101) and later JC (ch 102) about worsening JC's injuries, and along with JL, WWX, and LWJ freezes when JC slaps JL to the ground (ch 102); he asks Minshan why he's being rude to LWJ, and a little later, with SMS and JL, pauses in astonishment when LWJ laughs (ch 100); he averts his gaze from and seems perhaps embarassed by the ghosts that WWX summons (ch 104); he calls out to WWX to remind him that his current body is closely related to JGY, and will therefore attract NMJ's fierce corpse (ch 107). He actually has a couple of entertaining reactions to Wangxian being Wangxian: he coughs and tells WWX it is maybe not the best time and place for this when WWX is about to repeat "I really wanted to sleep with you," and then later he and Jin Ling inexplicably! move their sitting cushions far away from Wangxian's and gaze into the distance (ch 100).

And more than anything else—in what I think is a very instructive contrast—he reacts to JGY, in a way that reflects an ongoing continual emotional investment. He is, quite notably, consistently worried about JGY and unable to stand the sight of him in pain, even when he thinks he shouldn't be. When the coffin trap goes off, and they overhear Jin cultivators wailing and a pungent smoke emerges, there's worry in LXC's eyes; after JGY and Minshan make it out, and JGY takes some medicine against the poison, LXC hesitates for a moment and then asks what happened (ch 103). After LWJ cuts JGY's hand off—which means /after/ he's taken JL hostage, note—LXC "seemed as though he wanted to help him for an instant," though "in the end he dared not" (ch 106). When Minshan asks him for medicine for JGY, seeing how terrible JGY looks, he hesitates slightly before they're interrupted by NMJ's success fighting the Jin cultivators (ch 107). After they've defeated NMJ, he treats JGY's wrist; moreover, "Seeing that Jin GuangYao almost passed out from the pain, Lan XiChen, who in the beginning wanted to use this to punish him, still didn’t have the heart to bear it," and goes for the pain-relief medicine from NHS. And this is all not even accounting for his reactions to JGY either during his questioning of JGY or post-stabbing!

And what about when he's distressed by JGY? When he's reacting with upset or anger? There seem to be two consistent threads: first, that JGY did awful things/hurt people /not/ under constraint, and second, the idea that he doesn't know JGY after all and their relationship was a lie.

For the first, he calls out Sect Leader Jin when JGY starts in on JC after JC calls him the son of a prostitute (ch 104), although notably he does not do the same in their earlier confrontation when JGY is distracting JC in order to defeat him, only warning JC (ch 101); when JGY confesses to having burned down the brothel, he's distressed when JGY says that it wasn't entirely to remove the traces (ch 105); he becomes /less/ angry about the second siege and about QS when it turns out that he was operating under constraint in those conditions (ch 106); and of course, the thing he's angriest about is JGY killing his father, "and even in such a way" (ch 106). In ch 103, looking down at the coffin he is shocked that JGY buried something that caused such horror to its surroundings, but without further information about JGY's reasons this does not metamorphose into anger.

For the second, when WWX him asks why there's no light shining from Shuoyue, he tells him "It's quite a shame," and that he "was fooled by lies" and had his cultivation sealed (ch 99); when JGY assures him that he'll let him and NHS go without harm when the time comes, he asks if he should believe him (ch 100); when JGY asks if LXC isn't going to ask him /why/ he set the fire (since it wasn't entirely to erace the traces), we have this important excerpt (ch 105):

“In the past, it was not that I did not know what you did, but that I believed you had your reasons behind doing them.”

He continued, “But, you have done too much. And I… no longer know if I should believe you.”

Fatigue and disappointment sunk heavily into his tone.

And then after JGY takes JL hostage (ch 106), this one:

Lan XiChen spoke slowly, “Sect Leader Jin, you lied again.”

Jin GuangYao, “Just this once. There’ll be no next time.”

Lan XiChen, “This was what you said last time. I can no longer tell which of your words are true.”

LXC asks him about the letter in the first place because "whenever he heard there might be hiddenmight hidden reasons, he just had to hear it" (ch 105); when WWX challenges him before he tends to JGY's wounds, he says "Many things still remain unanswered" (ch 108).

His upset at JGY "attacking" him is in ch 108, I think, a combination of the two—in CQL, it reads more like he's angry that JGY took an action that made him need to attack JGY than anything else, but in MDZS he experiences it as a real betrayal: "As he saw Nie HuaiSang’s expression along with the warning, he felt something in his heart go cold." Because it would have been one; it's a line that JGY hasn't crossed, and as it turns out it's a line that JGY hadn't crossed, and would never.

And lastly, after JGY's death, we have once again LXC's explicit statement of his difficulties—and while LXC's post-stabbing difficulties could be different from his pre-stabbing ones, it's at least an important consideration, and it is in line with the rest of what we see:

“… Just what does he want to do? I once thought I knew him well, and then I realized I did not. Before tonight, I thought I knew him well once more, but now I do not.” Nobody could give him an answer. Lan XiChen repeated in frustration, “Just what does he want to do?”

Looking over the evidence, he's hurt and angry that JGY would do awful things not under constraint, and about the idea that he doesn't know JGY after all/their relationship is a lie. I do think it's unlikely that he's zero percent upset about JGY contributing to NMJ's death—I tend to think they talked about if offscreen, between LXC leaving with him from Gusu and WWX finding them in the temple, and that's why LXC doesn't bring him up in the temple sequence. But whatever he's feeling, his reactions to JGY don't seem to be about his own personal grief for or relationship with NMJ, and if they /had/ been about that I think there's several moments in the temple that would have played out differently.

One last note: I see often the idea that LXC going into seclusion after JGY's death is for his grief about /both/ his sworn brothers. At this point, you're probably unsurprised to learn that I don't think the evidence supports this. Not only, again, do we have very little evidence of his personal grief for NMJ post-timeskip—ten years past NMJ's death!—even after NMJ shows up again, but there's a distinct change in him after JGY dies. Before that, he's obviously distressed, but he's still tracking and on top of things; afterwards, on the other hand, we're told that "If it were the usual ZeWu-Jun, he couldn’t have failed to fathom [what WWX was suggesting the letter be intended to cause]. But right now, it was likely he had no more space in his mind to think" (ch 109), which tracks pretty well with his absent-mindedness at the banquet a few months down the line (ch 116). Nothing about LWJ's discussion with WWX of LXC's state suggests it's at all precedented (ch 115), and in fact when LQR talks to him immediately after JGY dies, we're told that "Lan XiChen’s face was full of an unspeakable grief" and that "Lan QiRen had never seen Lan XiChen, a child he single-handedly brought up, look so agitated and discomposed" (ch 110). JGY's death is a breaking point; NMJ's death, at the time or now, simply is not.

In conclusion, while he was certainly friends with NMJ pre-Sunshot, and that is genuinely rare for LXC, they began to grow apart during Sunshot; and while LXC continued to care for NMJ, he was not at all intimate with him, and showed no sign of particularly enjoying or seeking out his company. Later, while he is certainly disturbed at the idea that JGY might have killed NMJ, this is because it suggests that he /doesn't/ know JGY after all, and his reactions to JGY then and at the temple are not driven by his personal grief for or relationship with NMJ, nor is his seclusion in any way related to his feelings for NMJ.

ETA: All quotes taken from the Exiled Rebels translation.

ETA: I discuss some critique of this by @/hqfeels here.

#ship negativity cw #ship meme #I'm done!!!#good fucking god this took me a month #that damn bingo post #long meta #profound philosophical differences #anger burned in his heart #the best of men #a gentle warmth filling the deepest of needs

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ciggylungz · 4 years

Text

Rivals

Summary: Y/n and Harry are both CEO’s of their parent’s companies since they inherited the businesses from them, they’ve been rivals since they were kids- now that they’re professional adults how will their rivalry affect them? 2.2k

It’s no secret that growing up with a workaholic parent is hard for a kid, but for Y/n it was amplified due to the fact both her parents owned one of the most famous fashion companies in the world. This meant during most of her childhood she relied on nannies, private drivers, maids and child minders to care for her in absence of her busy working parents.

Of course having absent parents gave her some perks during her teen years, the ability to throw ragers in the absurdly large mansion they’d bought for the three of them –(well, they were hardly in it so mainly just their daughter)- not having to worry about getting caught when she decided to bring people over to get a quick shag in and the plus of having no one to bother her during her angsty middle school years. Those things were nice, yet you really can’t replace the role of your parents with teenage hookups and parties.

If there’s one thing that she absolutely hated about her parents work, it would be their former business partners cunt of a son. Harry Styles. Y/n had been forced to be in the twats life since they were 10 and his father joined stocks in her parents company before investing fully and becoming business partners. For Y/n that meant being forced to be around their son whenever their parents were too busy crushing numbers or out on boozy business trips clogging their noses with high end coke and buying out their competitors.

Harry was always a good-looking boy, and that only made things worse because he was a total prick. He was arrogant, annoying and always got away with being the biggest pain in the ass y/n has ever experienced in her life. He was insanely competitive, cocky and always found a way to weasel into Y/n’s business just to push her buttons. One’s he knew how to push perfectly to make her want to pound his head off a blacktop.

It was almost as if when it came to Y/n he never matured past being a 12-year-old boy, and now he’s a 23 year old powerful business man who still can’t manage to leave her alone.

Y/n had inherited her parents’ company when they decided to retire, two years before the retirement her parents and Harrys father had severed their ties and he’d gone back to his independent company. And just y/n’s luck, the man passed his roll as CEO down to his son, making the two young adults’ owners of two of the most famous fashion and beauty companies to ever exist.

Make no mistake, Y/n was a strong, independent and ruthless business woman so Harry’s subsequent inheritance didn’t threaten her in a business sense it more so made her worried for her blood pressure since the man couldn’t help but come bother her every chance he got. It didn’t help his dad had a single remaining stock left in the shoe portion of their clothing company giving Harry the perfect excuse to come barging into Y/n’s office to get on her nerves. To Y/n Harrys like a cold sore that won’t go away, just keeps coming back every time you think you’ve gotten rid of it.

___

Today was a busy day for Y/n, she had a meeting with her team that worked closely with her managing profit, stock, inventory, sales and all that stuff. Her team was large, with a company with over two thousand distributors worldwide and thirty-five exclusive stores scattered around the globe that’s to be expected. All in all, Y/n was responsible for making sure all one hundred and fifty thousand employees were running a smooth ship and every participating party was doing what they needed to do. It was a stressful job no doubt, but she never backed down from the challenge.

The meetings were always her least favorite part of her job. All the paper work that had to be read, numbers calculated, sales charted and any complaints or incident reports all had to be verbalized and talked about in detail with documentation of all the important things said as well as much more. Today the meeting took a grueling four and a half hours and the day was far from over.

Once she got out of her meeting it was nearing noon, she had to push her lunch off to phone the companies attorneys because one worker was trying to do a fake insurance claim. The man faked a work accident failing to remember every warehouse and factory was littered with security cameras that caught him in the act, so she had to inform them of the situation so they could sort it out. After that she got sucked into looking at new designs her design team had come up with for the next season, explaining that Chanel and Gucci both wanted to work with them to carry a few exclusive items only for that season.

Finally, at half passed two she made it back to her office, sitting down in her desk chair while taking her hair out of the headache inducing ponytail it had been in since she got there at five that morning. She opened her laptop, planning to send off some emails while she put in her order for lunch to her assistant, getting as much done as she could in the little bit of private time she was able to snag.

A knock sounded at the door, she knew it was Morgan coming in with the food she ordered so she didn’t bother to look up from what she was doing very drawn in to the email she was currently formatting. Only her attention was quickly severed when his voice rang out instead of the one she expected.

“I believe you ordered the chop salad, diet coke and fruit for lunch misses Yln.”

That annoying, cocky voice. You can hear his shit eating grin and teasing eyes simply in his tone, you don’t even have to look up at the jerk.

A prolonged sigh blew out of her lips, a grunt of annoyance following as she looked up at him. He looked nice, as always, she added bitterly in her own mind. She hated the fact someone so goddamn irritating was so undeniably attractive. He wore a dark blue suit, white button up with a black tie and yellow accent pocket square. Yet his fashion and handsomeness seemed a bit overshadowed by his personality that had the same affect on the woman as nails on a chalkboard.

“Harry, to what do I owe the displeasure?” Y/n reached her arm across the desk to snatch the paper bag from his ring clad hands, a sarcastic disapproving finger was pointed at her yet she didn’t take his bait opting to give him the death stare instead.

“Sassy today are we?” The man rested himself on the small leather loveseat that was in her office, propping his head on a throw pillow and putting his feet on the armrest. “You act like you’re not happy to see me, I know yeh missed me.” Y/n rolled her eyes, digging her fork into the salad aggressively. “I don’t think anyone’s ever been happy to see you, and I’m certain no one has ever missed your presence either.”

Harry chuckled slightly, loving how easily he could annoy the girl. Over the past thirteen years he’s learned just how to get under her skin, and he enjoyed doing so.

“Bit feisty today aren’t yeh Y/n? playing hard to get I see.” The man folded his hands on top of his chest, completely relaxing into the comfortable furniture, making himself comfortable for the undetermined amount of time he’d be spending there irritating his childhood ‘friend’.

The difference between Harry and Y/n’s perspectives on their rather odd ‘relationship’, if you could really call it that is Harry never hated Y/n. In fact he was always quite fond of her, he enjoys her company even when he’s forcing it on her and using the shared time to annoy the ever loving shit out of her. He and the woman have always been competitive growing up. In sports, card games, classes, and now business and Y/n took things a lot more seriously then he did. she was always wound a bit tight, she gets it from her mother.

Harry and Y/n had an interesting past. They have a love-hate relationship, seeing as even through the perpetual animosity they’ve carried since they were kids they did have their good moments too. And though Y/n would never admit it, there’s a part of her that does actually care about him even if she loathes that part of her deeply. In their teens they were at each other throats a lot, but in between that they would occasionally have their good days where they would refrain from getting into screaming matches and instead would be able to tolerate being together. Y/n chooses to describe it as tolerating him since she’d never admit she sometimes enjoys his company.

Through their formative years whenever Y/n was throwing a party, she wouldn’t protest when her friends would invite Harry as well. Pretending like she didn’t know he was coming and didn’t want him there when she saw him in the crowd, yet he always had a feeling she was anticipating and secretly wanted him to make an appearance. When he’d plan some sort of adventure with their friends he’d do the same, always slightly relieved when she’d show up but he’d put on the irritating act as soon as he got the chance which ruined her mood, every time. and well, it would be a lie to say the two never found themselves hate fucking each other after one of their parties, drunk and pissed at each other only to pretend like it had never happened.

To Harry, the animosity mixed with a hidden sense of fondness and maybe even a hint of attraction.

The woman ignored his comment, chewing her food before taking a swig of the soda looking back at him with a rather unamused expression. “What do you want Harry? And who the hell even let you in here?” she continued eating and wrapping up her email while he formed his reply. “Told Morgan I’d bring it up to yeh, she’s got a bit of a crush on me so she handed it over without much convincing.” Yet another eyeroll from Y/n was delivered. “She’s like 19, don’t manipulate her into worming into my office just because she can’t see that you’re a much bigger prick then the one in your pants will ever be.”

“First of all, 19 is legal so if she wants to eye fuck me I’ll allow it. Second, don’t be rude. This is a professional setting, do you think it’s appropriate to talk about my genitals in the work place? Might have to report you.”

Y/n couldn’t help the small snort she let out at his antics. As much as he annoyed her, sometimes she did find him a bit humorous. “and for the record, I’m very happy with my package and I don’t appreciate that comment.” He pointed a finger at her, a fake angry look on his face. “Just as much as I don’t appreciate you intruding on what was supposed to be my down time to eat, we’re even shrimp dick.”

Harry gasped at the insult, squinting at her slightly. While Harry was skilled in pressing her buttons, she could do it the same. Making comments on his dick size, sex skills, business deals or things of that nature always got him riled up. That 12-year-old boy mentality rearing it’s ugly head any time she makes a comment about his dick being small. Childish he was, absolutely childish.

“Don’t get smart with me, I’ll whip it out right here to prove my point.” His eyebrow raised and she could see him chewing on his cheek in annoyance. She truly found it funny how peeved she could make a grown man by making fun of his penis. He was ridiculous.

“I’d prefer if you didn’t, I didn’t bring my mental scrub brush to work with me today.” When she had finished speaking the woman tossed her now empty salad box into the trash, taking another sip of her drink and finally sending off the painfully long email.

Harry decided it was time for him to head back to his own office, which was right across the street much to Y/n’s displeasure but of course he couldn’t leave without a final childish jab at the woman.

“Just remember, I’ve had you bouncing on my dick more than once. Don’t hold yourself so high and mighty dear, because we both know I’ll have you like that again.”

And with that a Harry with a cheeky smirk on his face left the office, leaving a slightly stunned Y/n in his wake.

(eek pt.1 lets see how this one goes.)

#harry styles angst #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles writing #harry styles smut #harry styles series #CEO!harry #CEO!yn #harry styles concept #harry styles x yn #harry styles x reader

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iloveyou3thousand · 4 years

Note

Tony gets possessive when Peter is getting seduced by someone. Request

Yes! Yess!!! I also got kind of into writing Peter/Harry so I might have made myself ship it now but no matter. Enjoy :p

CW: possessive!Tony, jealous!Tony, and a little Harry Osborn/Peter Parker

——————————————————————————————

Tony had never really insisted Peter get involved in anything too public. He seemed to prefer to keep things on the down low with Spider-Man in the public eye and Peter Parker outside of it. Peter didn’t mind because he’d seen and sometimes even kind of experienced the kind of things Tony had to go through on a daily basis and he wasn’t sure that he could keep up something like that. And besides, keeping his identities separated allowed him to just be Peter when he wanted to be. Tony was always, in the public eye in one way or another, also Iron Man.

But Peter and Tony had been working on a project together and while it had started out as just a bit of fun, it was growing into something that the market might genuinely be interested in and it was quickly gaining traction in the right spaces when Tony had initially proposed their ideas.

Fast forward several months later, their project was completed, and to promote their new product they were going to hold a fundraiser.

And people were starting to get curious who Tony had been working with all this time.

It was no secret that he didn’t work alone, but so far they’d kept Peter in the shadows. They’d discussed their options time and time again and eventually came to the conclusion that if they didn’t introduce Peter now, it might start to work against them.

Besides, surely it couldn’t hurt if Peter was in the spotlight as Tony’s right hand for just a little while? After that he’d go back into the shadows where he liked to think he belonged.

So Tony threw a fundraiser, and Peter got all donned up, feeling a little ridiculous but looking, according to Tony, at the top of your game.

And hey, maybe this would be fun, right?

They arrived at the party separately so that people would remain unassuming until the minute Tony called Peter forward to introduce him, and when he did the applause was thunderous. Thankfully Tony didn’t hand him the microphone to introduce himself because he would have fudged through whatever sentence his nervous mind managed to conjure up, and that’s not the image of him that he wanted to give people right off the bat.

After that the rest of the party was all champagne and chatting to people he didn’t know but had some important job or another. He felt a little out of place between all those rich people with their big words and their very specific taste in wine.

Tony tried to stick by him for the most part but he sometimes had to leave Peter’s side to go talk to someone he reassured Peter the boy didn’t even want to know.

That’s when a tall, slightly younger gentleman in comparison to the general crowd, came up to Peter with a friendly smile and an outstretched hand.

“Harry Osborn. Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Parker.”

Peter took the hand and shook it, firing the guy a polite smile of his own. He’d heard his name before, of course. Osborn was a bit of a staple around New York City, but other than that he didn’t know much about the family that ran the company Oscorp. Harry seemed nice enough. Had a nice smile. Great jawline.

“Peter,” Peter blurted out when he realized he’d been shaking Harry’s hand just a touch too long and staring, “You don’t have to…call me Mr. Parker.”

“Right,” Harry said, and Peter absently noticed he had dimples in his cheeks when he smiled, “You don’t have to call me Mr. Osborn either. Just Harry’s fine. Don’t tell him, but I like to think I’m a little bit independent from my father.”

Peter made a vague noise.

“You must know him. Right? Norman Osborn? Creator of Oscorp?”

“Mhm! Yeah, no, of course I know him. I just don’t know why you’d want that when your father’s so…”

“Famous?”

Peter shrugged.

“I guess it’s just a little teenage rebellion then.” Harry’s smile this time showed a flash of teeth.

Being the first person to talk to him that seemed a little closer to his age, Peter found himself enjoying talking to him quite a bit. They had similar interests, both loved science fiction, and Harry could give him some tips and tricks on how to deal with suddenly being in the general spotlight for something.

It also helped that Harry was so damn friendly. He kept touching Peter’s arm of his shoulder or back, offered to get him a refill on his drink when he was out, he was achingly funny when the initial awkwardness between them had subsided, and he really did smile a lot, and laughed at Peter’s stupid attempts at jokes.

The first time his senses told him someone was looking at him, Peter tried to subtly glance around himself to catch whoever was doing it, but he didn’t notice anyone in particular.

The second time he felt it, he caught Tony looking, but he assumed he was just checking in on him, and so Peter gave him a big smile and a discreet little wave and Tony flashed him a smile of his own and threw him a wink, which to Peter came across as something along the lines of ‘hope you’re enjoying yourself’, or ‘you’re doing great’.

The third time he noticed it, it was when Harry was leaning in close, a hand on the small of Peter’s back and his lips barely brushing his ear, talking lowly over the hum of the crowd around them. Peter’s eyes met Tony’s once again, but this time Tony didn’t smile. His expression was ever so slightly pinched, and even from that distance Peter could see that his jaw was clenched. He immediately felt like something was wrong. But people passed by in the path between them, and when they were gone again, so was Tony.

Peter almost thought he hadn’t seen it. Maybe he’d imagined it.

Whatever was the case, the night ended soon after that.

Not because the party ended, but because suddenly Tony was by his side, an arm around his waist, looking to Harry.

“Mr. Osborn,” Tony greeted, though his voice didn’t sound welcoming in the slightest.

Peter noticed that Harry didn’t correct Tony when he called him that. The atmosphere suddenly felt a little too tense for comfort, like the mood had abruptly shifted the second Tony arrived. It was also undeniable that Tony’s hand was curled around Peter’s hip very tightly, thumb pressing firmly into the small of his back, the flesh of his hip.

“Mr. Stark. Great party.” Harry’s smile wasn’t entirely gone, but it might as well have been.

“It’s time we go home, Peter. Let’s finish up.” Tony looked at him, but Peter couldn’t read his expression. He started to protest lightly, because he’d been having a good time with Harry and honestly he wouldn’t mind if they stuck around for a little bit longer, but Tony’s grip on his hip tightened, and Peter went quiet.

He turned back to Harry.

“It was nice to meet you, Harry. Yeah, um. Maybe we’ll see each other again some time? I think that’d be nice. I hope you have a good night.”

Harry’s expression softened a touch when he looked at Peter, “Goodnight, Peter. Lovely to meet you too.”

Tony had Peter steered away and was leading him toward the exit before Harry could even finish his sentence properly, and Peter almost felt like he had to jog to keep up with the pace.

“Mr. Stark—” Peter protested, and Tony slowed down just a touch, but only because it seemed like they were being watched by the people around them.

A car stood waiting outside, and Tony helped Peter into it. Peter was almost convinced that he’d close the door behind him and send him off homeward but much to his surprise Tony gestured for him to scoot, and he got in after him, before closing the door and reaching over to knock twice on the partition between the backseat and the driver. Peter assumed it was Happy on the other side. He wasn’t sure though – he couldn’t see.

Tony didn’t say a word, which was unnerving. Peter half expected to get a lecture or something. Tony seemed upset. That was the best word he could think of that could describe Tony right now, head turned away from Peter and staring firmly out the window, his hands on his knees but his fingertips white where he was pressing them down as if he was trying to control himself.

It was almost…scary.

“What’s going on?” Peter asked after the minute of silence stretched on for too long and made him feel uneasy.

“That was Harry Osborn, Peter. Harry Osborn.”

“Yeah…” Peter clearly didn’t see the issue, “So?”

Tony whipped his head around and narrowed his eyes at Peter. “So? So you were going to let the son of the boss of the biggest rivalling company to Stark Industries take you home?”

“Home? I—”

“You were going to let him take you to bed?”

“To… bed, I wasn’t—”

“Fuck you?”

“Oh my god Mr. Stark—”

Peter had enough. He clicked out of the seatbelt he’d put on earlier so that he could scoot closer to Tony with the intention of talking to him, perhaps a bit firmly if necessary, but when he was halfway across the backseat Tony reached for him and pulled him into his lap with surprising ease, large hands settling on Peter’s hips, heat soaking through his suit.

Whatever Peter had been about to say died in his throat the second Tony leaned forward and buried his face into Peter’s neck.

Peter’s breath hitched and his hands automatically went up to Tony’s hair and the back of his neck, head dipping to nose the top of his head. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Tony act like that before. Definitely never toward him. It was almost…possessive.

“Mr. Stark…” Peter sighed, “Why are you so upset? Is it because he’s the son of your arch nemesis?”

At least that got a chuckle out of Tony, breath warm against Peter’s neck. “Arch nemesis is a big word, but. That’s not it.”

Peter kept quiet so as to pointedly give Tony the opportunity to elaborate.

“It could have been anyone and I would have disliked it just as much.”

Peter combed his fingers through Tony’s hair and felt a flutter in his chest at the realization that Tony was jealous. Anthony Edward Stark. Jealous, because someone flirted with Peter, who was really just his mentee and now business partner, by the way. And yeah they were close but they had never been this close and Tony had definitely never pulled Peter into his lap like that.

But now that Peter was there he didn’t think he would have wanted the night to end any differently. Sure Harry had been nice, and he was attractive, and they seemed to have gotten along. But that was nothing in comparison to what Peter felt and always had felt with and for Tony.

“How about…next time when you get upset like that maybe you could just—talk to me? About it?” Peter suggested lightly.

Tony finally lifted his head to look up at Peter, and he pulled him closer into his lap, which made Peter’s heart skitter.

“There won’t be a next time. I’ll make sure of it.”

Peter was about to protest because that didn’t sound exactly convenient or particularly right. How did he suppose he was going to do that? Never let Peter talk to anyone again? But then Tony’s one hand pushed up the back of his jacket while the other smoothed down his thigh and his lips connected to Peter’s jaw, beard slightly scratchy but his lips so lovely and warm it had Peter promptly going lax in the other man’s lap.

“Next time I’ll make sure everybody knows you’re mine.”

Peter could only hope there would be a next time soon.

#starker #peter parker/tony stark #peter parker #tony stark #ironspider #fanfic #my fanfic #my writing #harry osborn #peter parker/harry osborn #possessive tony #this was so so much fun to write i loved it #Anonymous #replies

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swtorpadawan · 4 years

Text

It Could Always Be Worse

Author’s Notes: The following story takes place sometime between Chapters 9 and 15 of Knights of the Fallen Empire.

It could always be worse. Gann thought to himself grudgingly.

Gann Vondern, a section head of Balmorran Arms, experienced the feeling as he stepped out of the hover-taxi, paid the driver, then turned to make his way back to his apartment complex after what had been a long day at the office.

If he were honest with himself, most of his days at the office had been running long for quite some time, now.

As he made his way up the walkway, he couldn’t help but look up at the horizon, his eyes inevitably drawn to what seemed to be the primary source of most of his problems these days.

The Zakuulan Star Fortress hung in low orbit over Balmorra, where it had been hovering for the past four years. With its looming presence, it was nearly impossible to transport anything of significant size either on or off the planet without the Eternal Empire’s official approval. That hadn’t stopped the corporate executives from trying, of course. But their overall sales these days – both their ‘approved’ shipments to the Republic and their black-market trade – were a fraction of what they once were. The Fortress periodically repositioned itself to center its attention (and its advanced observation capabilities) on the heart of Balmorran industrial might, the Sundari Flatlands. Sundari was the home to the famous Balmorran Arms Factory as well as more than a dozen other production and research facilities. Gann hadn’t been there at the time, but he’d heard that the battles for the flatlands – the most defensible position on all Balmorra with its trenches and natural fortifications – fought between the Sith Empire and the Galactic Republic had once represented the decisive clashes not only for the planet, but for the entire galaxy.

The Star Fortress could have annihilated the entire valley along with all of its vaunted defenses and all of its inhabitants with a single blast of its main cannon.

Under the threat of that sort of pressure, all Balmorra had suffered. Economically and otherwise.

It hadn’t always been such. This world had once seemed a golden land of opportunity to Gann.

After years of suffering under Imperial rule, Balmorra had been liberated during the last war and had enjoyed a few precious years of prosperity with Republic credits pouring in and Balmorra’s weapons factories working almost non-stop to produce as much material as possible for the war effort, with everything from battle droids to blaster rifles to capital ship weapons coming off the assembly line. The devastated planet had been rebuilding rapidly; indeed, the ultra-modern apartment complex where Gann, his wife and daughter lived at the edge of the Flatlands was one such legacy of that ‘golden’ era. They had moved to Balmorra during these prosperous times, with Gann’s obvious talent in the fields of robotics and cybernetics quickly netting him a plum position at Balmorran Arms. Within two years, despite being an émigré – and possessing a slightly nervous social demeanor – he’d been promoted to section head of Research and Development of Cybernetic Projects. Talera, his wife and a skilled biochemist in her own right, soon gained a position advising the planetary government in the restoration of Balmorra’s devastated agriculture. His daughter Darial began attending a prestigious local school and was soon earning top marks. The rest of the galaxy may have been at war, but here on Balmorra, with their thriving military industry and newfound optimism, times had been good.

Then the Eternal Empire had attacked.

More war should have been good for a planet where the primary export was military weaponry, but that simple economic model depended upon the war being ‘ongoing’. Balmorra may have been spared another invasion, but it had nevertheless been subjugated by the blockade of ships from the Eternal Fleet.

Within a year of the initial attacks, both the Galactic Republic and the Sith Empire had effectively surrendered, forced to sign unfavorable treaties. Worse still for Balmorra, they had been forced to accept crippling restrictions to their respective militaries. Orders of equipment had been slashed dramatically. Times had grown lean for Balmorra and its illustrious defense industries as the planet had depended upon military exports for much of its gross domestic product. Even accounting for the Republic discreetly ‘cheating’ the system where it could get away with it, and the various black-market projects the company was engaging in, there had been budget cuts. Two of the younger engineers on Gann’s staff had already been laid off despite his protests. He knew that he was lucky to have kept his own position after everything that had happened, but the stress had been getting to him as of late. Talera, supportive as always, had always complained that he worked too much, but these days it was even worse. Even when he was at home, he could be listless and distracted. He was even starting to fear that his wife would leave him.

It could always be worse. Gann reminded himself again.

When it came down to it, it was a miracle that he was even alive and living here with his family in relative comfort. After all, if the Balmorrans ever discovered who Gann really was, they would lynch him and his family on the spot.

Once upon a time, years ago and in another life, Gann had been a talented cyberneticist on Dromund Kaas, the capital of the Sith Empire. Between designing enhancements for the Sith and producing prosthetics for injured Imperial soldiers, his future had appeared secured. Then he’d been abducted and enslaved by one Sith Lord only to catch the eye of a second Sith who had then sent a third Sith to extort him for one of his creations all so they could assassinate a fourth Sith. After that, he’d become a loose end. A liability in Sith internal politics. He’d grabbed his wife and daughter at the first chance and had fled the Empire.

All four Sith he’d encountered had proven to have been powerful individuals and highly placed within their Order. Gann even heard that the Twi’lek apprentice who’d taken his device had eventually ascended to a seat on the Dark Council. That apprentice – the future Darth Nox – may have spared him from a grisly execution on the spot, but he held no illusions beyond that. She’d outright told him he’d be dead if he ever re-emerged. Years later, word had trickled to him that Nox herself had ultimately been killed during some battle or another on Yavin, but Gann knew he could never be too safe. Regardless of his official legal status with the Sith Empire, his name would always be on someone’s list. They said that a Sith could hold a grudge forever, and having witnessed Lord Grathan’s cruelty first-hand, he believed it.

(To this day, what Grathan had forced Gann to do to those captured Imperial soldiers during the siege of Grathan’s estate gave him nightmares more than anything else he had ever experienced.)

Now, he’d been living on Balmorra for eight years. The identities of Gann and his family – secured years ago with the assistance of a skilled Anomid forger he’d contacted on Nar Shaddaa – had proven as solid as money could buy. The whole family had long since disguised their Kaasi accents, even while speaking alone at their apartment. Talera and Darial had ultimately thrived, acclimating to Balmorra even more fully than Gann himself. They had made only a few friends, but nevertheless, it had still been enough.

They had made Balmorra a home.

It hadn’t been a life without challenges, of course. As an off-worlder living on a planet that had been occupied for so long, a certain level of suspicion from Gann’s peers was natural, but by and large, his obvious talents – combined with his passion and dedication to his work – had convinced his colleagues of his veracity. Gann’s only recent concern was having drawn the attention of Balmorran Arms’ new director of security, Zenith. A local Twi’lek and a former leader in the planetary resistance, Zenith went about his work with great zeal, and had already managed to rub most of the firm’s employees the wrong way. As a transplant who had risen to the rank of section head, Gann had naturally drawn the security chief’s interest. Gann’s only consolation was that the paranoid Zenith seemed to suspect almost everyone of being an Imperial spy, so his concerns had thus far been undercut with their respective superiors, much to the engineer’s relief.

Gann knew he could never go back to the Empire, even if he had wanted to. And his dedication and commitment to Balmorra was completely sincere. If the planet were ever conquered by the Sith again, they would surely discover him. What they’d do to Gann and his family didn’t bare thinking about.

He couldn’t allow that.

Balmorra had to remain free from that fate, even if that freedom was a lie in light of Zakuul’s oppressive grip over their off-world trade.

For the moment, however, Gann’s more immediate concern was making apologies to Talera for coming home late… for the third time this week. Between Zenith’s security interviews and Gann’s quarreling with the other department heads over dwindling resources, his hours were getting worse all the time. He was dreading having to disappoint his wife again.

“I don’t know why she puts up with me.” He murmured, finally reaching the gate to his apartment complex.

Just as Gann was about to insert his security key card to enter the facility, he suddenly felt an object pressed to the back of his neck.

“Don’t move.” A brusque voice demanded.

Gann’s blood froze as he recognized the sensation of a blaster barrel pointed against his skin. Before he could react, a hand reached out and snatched away the key card from Gann’s outstretched fingers. Whether out of fear or simple self-preservation, he forced himself not to move.

“Please don’t hurt me.” He stammered nervously. “I’m low on credits, but it’s all in my jacket. Just take whatever you want.”

“I’m not here to rob you, Mister Dorotsech.” The voice answered. It was masculine, firm, and Gann’s sharp ears could pick up just a faint trace of an Imperial accent. “I’m here to talk to you.”

The usage of his old name – Dorotsech – a name that he hadn’t heard, much less answered to in years –caused all of Gann’s anxiety to come flooding back with a vengeance, the memories of that past life coming to the fore.

A bizarre sensation of acceptance came over Gann in that moment, and his breath caught in his throat.

“If you’re going to kill me, do it quick.” Gann said quietly in resignation. “Just… please spare my family. They didn’t ask for this. They don’t have anything to do with this.”

The man behind him – Gann hoped it was just one – seemed to cluck his tongue reproachingly.

“Quite the fatalist, aren’t you?” a free hand reached out and ran up and down the shoulders of his corporate jacket – adorned with the Balmorran Arms logo - and trousers, briskly frisking him. Gann and his family lived in a safe neighborhood. He carried no weapons; just a portable holopad and a wrist communicator. These were quickly (and professionally) confiscated. The strong hand grasped his shoulder firmly. “Take a breath. We’re stepping around the corner. For privacy, you understand.”

Gann felt the barrel of the weapon behind him withdraw from the back of his neck, only to then press against his back. His shoulders sagged in defeat, his body acquiescing. He knew the security monitors at his complex should have picked up the intruder by now. In theory, a pair of guards should now be rushing to his aid, with law enforcement alerted and on the way. No doubt his captor had anticipated and accounted for all of that. As they turned the corner of the building, a realization dawned on him; this was all to avoid eyewitnesses. The pit of his stomach continued to build. He just knew he was doomed. His captor was clearly not Sith themselves – Sith had little use for blasters, and most didn’t care about privacy for their executions – but there could be no doubt that this individual was in service to a Sith. Most likely this was an assassin from Sith Intelligence, the successor to the feared Imperial Intelligence service Gann had avoided since escaping Grathan.

Gann and the unknown man came to a sudden stop.

“Good. Now turn around. Nice and slow.” His captor said.

Gann took some solace in the fact that he would at least see the face of his killer before he died. Taking a deep breath, he turned.

The man he faced was human; no surprise there. His face was fairly nondescript by Gann’s estimation, aside from some heavy scarring on the left side of his right cheek, clearly the result of an old injury from an explosion. Gann was immediately drawn to the cybernetic cranial implant around his eye just above the scars; by his estimation, it appeared to be a modified version of the standard Imperial device used by operatives of the Sith Empire. The man wore tactical body armor over an athletic build, and with a glance Gann could recognize numerous enhancements and modifications had been made. He carried a broken-down sniper rifle on his back, a model that could snap to the ready in a single motion.

Gann had feared this moment. He’d dreaded it for years. He’d even had nightmares about it. He’d spent the first forty-five years of his life terrified that he would somehow displease the wrong Sith and be killed on a whim, and had spent the last nine years since then terrified that either the Sith would find him for what he had done on Dromund Kaas or that someone on Balmorra would discover his identity and his entire life would come apart.

And with the realization that this moment had finally come, he had a crystal moment of clarity.

Talera and Darial… were his life. Not his position at Balmorran Arms. Not all his troubles and worries. Not even his cybernetic creations, which had been his passion for as long as he could remember.

His wife and daughter were all that mattered.

Exhaling the breath he had taken, Gann finally nodded. He’d dreaded this moment for years, but now that it had finally come, he didn’t care. His life was over. He knew that. The Sith Empire had found him. Zenith’s suspicions, the budget cuts at work, the constant threat of both the Sith and the Eternal Empires, Talera’s protestations that he worked too much… all his troubles seemed to melt away. None of them mattered, anymore.

It was strangely liberating. For the first time in years, he felt free of his troubles. All he felt was blissful acceptance.

“I’m ready.” Gann said to the assassin.

The operative, showing no change of expression, merely holstered his weapon.

“Good. Because someone wants a word with you.”

He reached down to his belt and pulled out a portable holo-transmitter, holding it out towards Gann. The device activated and a moment later an image appeared hovering above it.

It was a human female of medium height, clad in a dark tunic and body armor with durasteel shoulder pauldrons. She held herself with an impressive posture despite standing at ease with her hands tucked behind her confidently. Her blonde hair was cut short, and even without the lightsaber clipped to her belt, Gann would have marked her as an experienced combatant. Most important, when he studied her eyes, he could tell even through the blue tint of the projection that the irises were yellow; a tell-tale trait of the Sith.

Whatever faint hope of survival Gann had built back up at the operative’s apparent hesitation quickly faded.

“Mister Dorotsech, I presume.” The Sith gave him a cool and professional smile. Her accent was Imperial; Kaasi even. “I apologize if we’ve alarmed you. My associate and I have gone to a great deal of trouble to arrange for this meeting.” Her tone, like her expression, was crisp and professional. Authoritative, but not overbearing.

A velvet glove concealing an iron fist. Gann thought to himself, cynically. Having expected an immediate order of execution, he eyed the woman with suspicion.

“You needn’t be coy, my lord.” There was a bitter acceptance in his voice as he stood up straight. He could at least die on his feet. “I know full well how the Empire deals with ‘loose ends’ like myself.”

The Sith merely raised a withering eyebrow at that.

“Please, Mister Dorotsech. Neither I, nor my associate here, serve the Sith Empire any longer. Yes, we do know who you are and what you’ve done. And to be completely candid with you, no one has cared about the details of Darth Skotia’s death in years.”

Gann blinked. He’d heard that some Sith liked to ‘play with their food’, so to speak, and after his experiences with Grathan, he found those tales most credible. But for just a moment, he entertained the notion that he might somehow survive all of this.

“Please… call me Gann Vondern.” The cyberneticist spoke in a low voice, surprising himself at his own boldness. Sith could be vicious in the face of anything resembling impertinence. But he’d been afraid for so long, it felt good to say something asserting himself. “My name is not just a mask I wear. It is the existence – the life – I’ve made for myself.”

“Mister Vondern, then.” The Sith acquiesced, giving him a slight nod. “We require your assistance with a matter you seem to be uniquely well-suited for.”

Gann felt his body relax just a bit but wondered if his talents were again about to be ‘co-opted’ by yet another Sith.

“Several years ago, you produced a device called a ‘cyber neutralizer’ for Lord Zu'fanda, the future Darth Nox.” The Sith Lord began speaking matter-of-factly. “A device capable of crippling individuals who were equipped with cybernetic enhancements. We are interested in whether you could produce a similar device now, assuming that it fits our needs. Lord Grathan’s records mention you designing the neutralizer, and we know about what happened to Skotia, but there were no schematics included in the files we recovered.”

Gann swallowed in contemplation, licking his lips. Almost against his will, his mind, honed by his years of experience as an engineer, was already trying to tackle the problem. He’d always been like that – if only all the problems in his life were as easy to solve as an engineering challenge.

“Well. That would depend on how much of the target were still human.”

The Sith frowned in consideration.

“To the best of our knowledge, the target’s sole cybernetic enhancement is a prosthetic left arm, apparently severed above the elbow but beneath the shoulder.” she answered precisely. “He may have other hidden enhancements, but nothing visible to the eye.”

Gann shook his head.

“Nowhere near enough. The neutralizer I designed works on most droids… and cyborgs who are at least fifty percent machine.”

Gann stopped himself as he finished, remembering how most Sith tended to react to bad news.

The woman in the projection merely furrowed her brow as her frown deepened.

“Why hasn’t Balmorran Arms been producing your device? You surely could have recreated it with their resources.”

“It’s cost-prohibitive.” Gann sighed. The realities of developing cost-effective technologies had always frustrated him. “It’s a one-time use device. After that, the circuits burn out. Producing even a single unit costs a fortune in time, money and power. The Republic wouldn’t have been interested in such a weapon, and it wouldn’t have been worth the company’s trouble marketing it to its… less savory clientele.”

The Sith turned to the operative, who had been standing silently through all of this.

“Your thoughts… agent?”

The cyberneticist noted the hesitation in the Sith’s question. He realized she didn’t want to give the engineer anything that would allow him to identify either of them. That was good. It made it much more likely that they hadn’t made the decision to eliminate him yet.

“Unfortunately, this seems like a dead end, Minister.” The operative answered, brusquely. “Even if we could re-produce the device, it wouldn’t work on our primary target.”

Gann’s ears perked up at the title of ‘Minister’ directed towards the Sith. Had they been deceiving him about their connection to the Sith Empire?

The woman’s eyes flickered in irritation, but she quickly pressed on.

“I agree. Pity. It could have given the Commander an edge against Arcann.”

Realization dawn on Gann at the mention of the name ‘Arcann’.

“Wait. Arcann? As in Emperor Arcann??? You’re opposing the Zakuulans?” He was incredulous. The Eternal Empire had completely run over every enemy that had dared resist them in the past five years, commanded by their despotic Emperor. “Are you mad?”

The Sith turned towards the engineer again, once again with a raised eyebrow.

“I trust that isn’t something you plan on repeating to anyone, Mister Vondern?”

Gann could sense the implied threat in her voice. He wondered if she could Force-choke him by holo?

“Its not that.” He started to tremble. “I just…”

“What, then?”

Gann’s mind was in turmoil. He couldn’t offer these people his neutralizer design. But they were actually willing to stand up to the Eternal Empire. If they’d found him – while the Sith Empire hadn’t – maybe they were capable enough to do what they dared?

“Take me with you.” Gann said the words before he knew what he was doing.

The Sith in the projection blinked in surprise. The operative merely chuckled.

“Why would you want to join us?” the woman said after a moment. “You don’t even know who we are.”

Gann struggled to regain his footing, taking in a deep breath and trying to find his compass. He’d hardly taken a brave move in his life, aside from proposing to Talera. But today he felt different.

“I know enough.” He said. “I know you’re challenging the Eternal Empire. I know no one else has had the courage to even think about doing that in years. I know the Zakuulans are slowly choking the spirit out of Balmorra, and they could simply wipe us out at any moment. I know they’ve done exactly that elsewhere.”

“I want to be a part of stopping that.”

The Sith took it in slowly, then turned to her operative, who looked back at her but said nothing. She finally turned to Gann again.

“What about your life here? Our reports said you had a family.”

Was this how my life works, now? Gann wondered. I have to leave the things I care most about in order to protect them?

He found his answer.

“My wife has her own career.” he swallowed. “My daughter is about to start attending the University in Sobrik. They don’t need me anymore. Not as I am. Who knows, maybe I’ve been holding them back all this time. I just… I know I can’t continue with what I’ve been doing. I don’t want to live in fear anymore.”

The Sith seemed impressed by his declaration.

“Where you’ll be operating, it might be some time before you can contact your family.” The Sith warned him. “We can probably arrange something eventually, but I can’t promise that.”

Gann swallowed sadly.

“I understand.”

The Sith eyed him severely. He was reminded of a particularly harsh schoolteacher he had had as a child.

“Your assessment, agent?”

“Well.” The unnamed man regarded Gann for a moment. “He’s held up reasonably well for an engineer, and there’s nothing I imagine he’ll face with us that he hasn’t already faced in the last five minutes. And it would mean I hadn’t made this trip for nothing. Plus, our science division is always recruiting, and I’m sure Oggurobb will find something productive for him to do.”

That was another name Gann recognized.

“Doctor Juvard Illip Oggurobb is working with you?” he was even more impressed. The Hutt was renowned throughout the galaxy for his accomplishments in droid engineering and was the only five-time recipient of the Bao-Dur Science Prize. Gann had been an admirer of his work for decades.

“He does.” The Sith answered, scrutinizing Gann again.

After a long moment, she finally nodded.

“Very well. Mister Vondern, my name is Lana Beniko. On behalf of the Alliance, I welcome you into our ranks. Our agent here will see to your transportation and orientation.”

She concluded with a somewhat reassuring smile.

“We hope to see you here soon.”

With that, the transmission ended, the holoprojection vanishing.

The operative turned to Gann with a grim smile.

“Our window is short, I’m afraid. We’ll remain undetected by the Star Fortress for only so long. Ah.” The operative – Beniko had merely called him agent – paused. “Here are your things, by the way.” He handed Gann back his keycard, datapad and communicator.

“Uhm. Thank you.” Gann stammered, fumbling a bit as he took back his possessions. “But what do I call you?”

“Oh, you can just call me Cipher Nine.”

Gann felt his face to turn pale in shock. The Cipher agents had been the top operatives of the old Imperial Intelligence. In an Empire of powerful Force-users and super soldiers, they had been ghosts; assassinating dissidents and disappearing into the shadows. He had always assumed that if the Empire ever did find him, it would be a Cipher agent.

The operative’s grin just widened.

“Like you, my name represents the life I’ve built for myself.” He spoke in a matter-of-fact tone. “Docking Bay 94 at the Sobrik Spaceport. We lift off in one hour. Don’t be late.”

Without another word to Gann, the man turned and started walking off. He observed him as the cipher agent raised his own wrist communicator to his lips.

“Kaliyo, we’re green. Be back at the Phantom in forty-five minutes. We’ll have one passenger joining us…”

Even as he spoke, a personal stealth field activated. The man flickered and suddenly disappeared from sight, seemingly without a trace of having ever been there in the first place.

Gann checked his chrono. The entire encounter had lasted less than five minutes. Five minutes that had changed his life forever. He exhaled slowly, overwhelmed by what had just taken place.

There was so much to do. He could transmit his resignation to his bosses at B.A. for all he cared about his career at this point, but far more important, he would have to tell Talera. He doubted she’d be thrilled with this turn of events. His daughter… she would miss him, but he was confident she would be fine. His little girl had grown up. He’d be able to leave them with more than enough money and Talera’s position with the government should ensure they would not face significant scrutiny.

She would be angry. She might even leave him. He wouldn’t blame her if she did.

But maybe he’d be able to look at himself in the mirror again. Maybe his wife would understand.

As he used his key card to enter his complex, he felt a renewed sense of hope. Like a new dawn.

He’d been right. It could be worse.

Only now, it could eventually get better.

Author’s Notes: For the record, Talera winds up being supportive of Gann’s decision in the end. She will worry, and she absolutely isn’t thrilled that it is all last minute. But in the end, she understands.

I have a fondness for taking very minor characters from the game and writing stories from their perspective. Dorotsech appears in the Sith Inquisitor story on Dromund Kaas, with the ‘default’ choice being to kill him. Zu'fanda was a dark-sider, but she wound up sparing him, since she thought she might need him later. That doesn’t come to pass, but I brought him back here.

Cipher Nine, the former Gahraath Vaiken, is the Imperial Agent in my Halcyon Legacy. He called Lana ‘Minister’ in front of Gann just to annoy her. The two respect each other but aren’t exactly friendly. See if you can figure out why he gave different times to Gann that he did to Kaliyo. Gahraath is technically a sniper, not an operative, but… meh. I can give him the abilities that i like in my head-canon.

I know Balmorra isn’t one of the Star Fortress planets in the actual game, but since its implied that most major planets have one, I feel comfortable saying that one is there. (It does get taken out, however, much to Gann’s relief.)

Zenith gets a cameo mention here because he fits the role of the over-zealous security officer too well. (A paranoid clock is right twice a day.) I also threw in a reference to Dretcher, that ‘old friend’ of Gault’s you meet during Knights of the Fallen Empire.

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forgive-me-your-highness · 3 years

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I ask you a question. You answer a question. Repeat.

Easy peasy lemon squeezy! Although lemons are sour and I'm sweet

What are three shows in your watchlist that you’ve been meaning to get to?

Surprisingly none! I stick with my favorites, well, I am catching up on The Good Doctor right now.

Describe your favorite pair of socks

Thick fuzzy ones, they're gray knit with soft fluffy insides and have polar bear faces sewed onto the front.

Do you like smoothies?

Mhm! I make a banana/strawberry/blueberry/spinach one everyday.

What do you wear when you have to dress nicely?

I have some nice pants + shirt/vest duo as well as a nice navy lace dress, just depends on what I want to wear.

How do you like your eggs?

Scrambled, fried, and hard boiled in that order.

What do you use to keep your place when you’re reading a book?

I fold the corner. Blasphemy I know.

What color dominates your closet?

Black or blue.

Do you collect anything? If so, what?

Hmm I used to collect funko pop's but I only collected the ones I liked and now I have them. I guess I don't collect much, sometimes shells from beaches and stuff.

What sounds or scents calm you down?

There's a specific frog audio that my mom played for me when I was very young that helped me sleep, it's turned into a comfort sound for me now. Lavender or the perfume my mom uses is also comforting.

What’s your favorite kind of uquiz question? (Lyric, color, aesthetic, etc)

I like aesthetic with pictures. I can't read to save my life.

Do you wear glasses or contacts?

Nope, although I have a feeling I might need some.

What’s something about your best friend that you love?

Even if we're hours apart I still get to spend more time with them than anyone else. They take the time to talk to me and I'm always eager to relax and hang out with them. They're so smart and even helped me with a subject I struggle in.

Do you prefer to write in pen or pencil?

Pen, if I'm writing in pencil I have to be using a mechanical one.

What are some places where you feel most at home?

My bed and room, anywhere soft and cozy. The beach too.

Do you have any houseplants? Do any of them have names?

I only have one and it's an aloe plant I keep in my room. It doesn't have a name.

Describe your favorite hoodie. How long have you had it? What makes it unique?

AH okay my favorite one currently! It's a light blue hoodie from Tilly's that says "Stay away please and thank you" and I absolutely live in it. Had it for a few months now.

What’s the last thing you ordered online?

Skyward Sword HD!

What’s one historical event that you would have liked to have witnessed?

Bit morbid but either the Salem Witch Trials, Black Plague, or the disappearing of one of the British Colonies.

What’s your favorite Halloween costume from when you were a kid?

I dressed as Ariel a lot, I want to say I dressed as Merida in elementary as well.

What kind of math are you best at?

Angles and Shapes.

What’s your favorite period in art history, your favorite famous work and/or your favorite style of art? If you don’t know any that’s ok!

Well, I don't know the period of art but anything that has to do with water color I adore.

Iced or hot drinks?

Hmm Iced.

Which songs do you like to sing in the shower?

Um not many sadly. Was teased for doing that so I quit years ago.

Are you a good driver?

LMAO NO, I'm learning soon but I have run over a tree on a golf cart among many other things.

Do you have any piercings or tattoos? Are there any that you want?

Only one lobe pierced, my right one. There's a handful of tattoo's I want if I wasn't a pussy, as well as piercings. Lip and tongue definitely, nipples, more on my ears, I don't like anything too drastic I'd probably just keep studs or small hoops.

Can you cook or bake? If so, what are some of your specialties?

Mhm! I bake super good brownies and my favorite thing to cook is either meat rice balls or omelets.

Do you have any keychains on your home or car keys? Describe them!

Oh I have MANY. I keep a green rupee chain on my key, I have a Legend snack keychain, a Four Sword, Minish Cap Link, and Vaati on my backpack. Purse has Midna and Wild as well as Toon Zelda.

Can you swim very well? Do you like swimming?

I can swim, not gracefully, but I certainly won't drown. I do like to swim!

Did you play with Legos as a kid? What was your favorite set?

HELL YEAH I DID! Ninjago my beloved! My favorite set I owned is probably, well it ties between, The Monastery and the Destiny's Bounty, and my original first season sets are Cole's Earth Drill from Season 2 and my Ratla Bike from Season 1!

Is your closet organized? If so, how?

At one house absolutely not. At the other I have my dresser in one half, shirts hung on other, folded sheets on the closet floor + a bin for old stuffed animals.

What’s the last music video you watched?

Umm I think Bottom of the Deep Blue by MISSIO? I'm not one for music videos but it was in a playlist.

If you could dye your hair any color, regardless of how you think it would look, what color would you choose?

Oh man I've done this so many times. I'd go for a purple again or a deep ocean blue.

Headphones or earbuds?

HEADPHONES, hands down, 100%

Can you read analog clocks?

Yup! Surprisingly I was one of two people who could read one in a class so I was dubbed the time keeper.

Describe your favorite stuffed animal, either now or from when you were a kid.

I have two. One is a sesame street character I've had for years. His fur is matted down and he has been patched up so many times. I also have a newer Toothless plush I love.

What’s an arcade or table game (air hockey, ping pong, etc) that you’re really good at?

Air Hockey, I kick ASS at that!

Do you mind if others are in the kitchen when you’re cooking or baking?

Not at all! So long as I don't accidentally bump them all will go smooth.

What’s one show you watch or musician you listen to that your friends know nothing about?

Hmm probably music by John Powell or Rozen.

What was the best part of your day today?

Getting to hang out with my favorite Toad, hands down. They bring so much joy!

What’s your favorite kind of tree?

Birch or Weeping Willow. Basic bitch I know.

What scent is your deodorant?

Fucking uhh pomegranate or something?

Do you have any games on your phone? If so, which one(s) is/are your favorite?

I do yup! I like Axalochi and Bubble Pop

Do you shower with the lights on or off?

ON?? PEOPLE SHOWER WITH LIGHTS OFF?? It could be broad daylight and I still turn the light on.

What do you do with spare change?

Save it in jars. I kid you not.

Do you have good handwriting?

Ehhh it's not the best but it's not the worst.

What’s the last thing a friend recommended to you that you looked into and actually liked?

Heheh, Zelda/Zelda ships. So fucking good.

Do you like to go on walks?

Yes! Depending on who I'm with I love to.

Do you have a favorite plate or bowl?

Hmm no I don't think so. I do have favorite silverware though.

What’s your favorite thing to do when it’s raining?

Stay inside, open a window to listen, and chat with my friends or draw.

Describe your perfect sleeping conditions

Cold, bundled in blankets, hood pulled up and sock on, cuddled up to a pillow or someone I love. Cat resting on my chest or curled up against my tummy if I'm laying on my side.

#Toad and Frog ask too many questions #Red's Dumbassery Continues

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #397

“you’re my religion, you’re my reason to live / you are the heaven in my hell”

Do you think that you’ll always love who you love now? Even if we're never together again romantically, I will ALWAYS love her at least as a best friend. Have you ever made out with a random person? Yeah, no. If you could do your first kiss over, would you? No. I'm lucky that my first kiss was honestly cute as hell. Do you like your country’s president or prime minister? Well I voted for him, so I obviously can't hate him. He seems to be doing fine so far, though take that with a grain of salt seeing as I don't keep up with politics. Even before voting for him, I just did a small bit of researching on his values. What color is your house? Yellow with white accents. Do you listen to Christmas music during the holiday season? No, I don't enjoy it. Man, Jason's mom sure did, though... I loved how in the spirit she'd get and always played Christmas music in the car during that time of year. I miss that woman and I sure as hell hope she rests easy now. Do you like ginger ale? Solely if I have a stomach bug, and I can only ever sip it. What are you listening to? "Electric Sugar Pop" by Jeffree Star. What’s the last thing you watched on TV? The TMS office has the TV on, and the woman who overlooks it (I have zero idea what her position is called) tends to have it either on a cooking channel or a home improvement one. Today was a cooking one. Is your favorite author the author of your favorite book? I don't have a favorite author. Describe someone you find really attractive: M-Mark Fischbach. *___* If you HAD to look like someone else, but could choose who, who would you choose? Hm... maybe my friend Alon. I've mentioned I feel like a million times that she is like, ethereal with how gorgeous she is. Have you ever seen someone get a tattoo done? If so, what was it? Did they cry or were they in a lot of pain? Yeah; it was a watercolor feather with "ohana" written below it. She didn't cry at all, but she grit her teeth a few times. Do you have anything you couldn’t go a day without? Some form of technology. Have you ever gotten caught doing something illegal? No. What’s your favorite flavor of Vitamin Water? I don't even think I've ever tried it. Is there someone you wanna date right now? Yeah. What first attracted you to the last person you kissed? If we're talking the very first, our vast similar interests. How many brothers does your father have? None. Does your best friend have any tattoos? No. Do you like Ben + Jerry’s? Yep. Man, I want their Phish Food ice cream now. Would you ever wish to be the opposite sex? Nah. Do you think you’re attractive? Nope. What is your favorite card game to play? Magic: The Gathering. I really miss my PS3 where I had Duel of the Planeswalkers installed on it, it was really fun. Do you own a globe? I don't think we still do. What is your favorite wild cat? Perhaps clouded leopards. If your bedroom had three portals to anywhere, where would they lead? South Africa, Sara's place, and maybe a nice little cabin in the mountains for when I'm feeling a peaceful getaway. You can ask any author one question about their story. What do you ask? I have zero idea. What’s a place you have a strong emotional connection to? The pond behind the local community college. Jason and I took our first prom pictures there. Do you take yoga classes? No, but I'm actually considering it since they offer those at the YMCA Mom and I now go to. What is a decision you’ve made that changed your entire life? To let Jason go. It's pretty great, my PTSD has been less of a bother lately! Have you ever made any money from a side-hustle? Could you consider being paid to take pictures once in a blue moon a "side hustle" when I don't even have a main job? Do you ever wonder what kind of person you’d have turned out to be if a certain event never happened to you? Ugh... it's incredibly painful to wonder how life would be if Jason never left. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? Adele's or Amy Lee's, probs. What are your top 3 favorite genres of music? Metal, hard rock, alternative. Do you think Mars will be colonized in your lifetime? No. Have you ever been homeless? If so, what led to your homelessness? Technically, yes, because Mom couldn't afford the rent. She, my little sister (who still lived with us at the time), and I each were accepted into the homes of willing, kind people, though. Have you ever been on a ship? No. Who was Van Halen’s better singer - David Lee Roth, or Sammy Hagar? David. Which fictional character has the most memorable quotes? Heath Ledger's Joker is quoted all the time, so probably him. What do you think of the "Healthy At Every Size" movement/philosophy? Before I answer this, I want you to keep in mind that this is coming from someone who is obese, so I would positively love to agree with that for my own self-confidence, but I don't. I believe it's a very dangerous mentality. I think you should cherish your body unconditionally, like it's an amazing machine, but I firmly believe you should have an active interest in becoming what is physically healthy. You couldn't pay me millions to convince me that, say, a 300 lb. person is healthy. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them? I think my first *real* crush was this guy Sebastian my freshman year of high school. I thought he was very sweet, funny, caring, and attractiveness was a bonus. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat? Sashimi, caviar, raw eggs... Which famous person would you like to be BFFs with? Bindi Irwin, for one. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. Have you ever been bitten so hard that there teeth marks were there after? I mean I've had hickeys before if that's what you're asking. Ever gave one? Oh, I guess you were. Yeah. Do you think its weird if guys wear make-up like eyeliner? Not at all. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) Yes. Would you rather adopt or have your own child? IF I wanted kids, I'd rather have one myself because I'm well aware I personally need that special connection. Stepkids count, too, because they'd be my partner's and therefore very important for me too. What is the most personal question you have ever been asked? Probably TMI, so here's your fair warning, but I've been asked before if I "touch" myself and I was absolutely repulsed that someone would ask me that. Were you abused by your parents? No. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. Were you one of the smartest in your class? Up to finishing high school, modestly, I was. Where did you meet your first crush? Art class my freshman year of high school. Do you ever go places with wet hair? Yeah, idc. Who is your favorite little girl? My niece Aubree. She's such a wonderful girl. Does your best friend have kids? No. If you were pregnant, would you want a boy or a girl? Hypothetically, a girl. What place outside of your own home do you spend the most time at? Um, maybe my older sister's house? Have you ever participated in a medical study? No. Do you have any family members who are cancer survivors? Yes, including my mother. Twice. Are you allergic to any medications? None that I've tried. Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license? I don't even have that. If you’re atheist, would you raise you kids believing in God or not? No; I wouldn't intervene with their own spiritual (or lack thereof) journey. They'd learn what they'd learn and decide themselves what they believe. Do you like reading self-help books? No, I just can't get invested in those. What is your opinion on sex change? If you're unhappy with your body, you're more than free to surgically change that with no judgment from me. Do you have any goals for this summer? If so, what are they? Yes, to lose weight. Can you get a strike at bowling? I have before. There was one occasion where my first go was a strike RIGHT after saying I sucked at bowling, hahaha. Do you ever take pictures of negative moments? Well, I photograph roadkill, and that's one hell of a sad moment. I actually wouldn't mind broadening my horizons of photographing negative moments (with permission of course), because I actually find these very impactful and even builds empathy. I will never, ever forget this one picture I saw sometime of an emaciated boy huddled in the dirt with a vulture close by watching him... like fuck, it made me want to sob. No one should ever have to live like that, especially a child. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? No. I know that sounds contradictory to what I just said, I just wouldn't be able to do it myself. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Once, when my last niece was born. I'm terrified of holding them because they're just so fragile. Do you know anyone who has twins? My friend just had triplets. What is your favorite country in Europe? Germany. Are you thriving in your life right now? BOY HOWDY- Do you remember to water plants? I don't keep plants. Name three YouTubers you aspire to be like. 1.) Markiplier in a vast plethora of ways; 2.) Jeffree Star for his incredible work ethic; and 3.) Shane Dawson for his incredible compassion. Yes. I know the controversy, but regardless, he cares a lot about people. Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter? I wouldn't know, given I haven't read the books or seen the movies. Do you watch PewDiePie? Not anymore; his content doesn't interest me anymore. I watched him religiously back in the day when he was a serious let's player, though. Do you have a Steam account? Yes. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No, not personally. I like watching LPs of it and I find the story fascinating, but it's not the kind of game I'd enjoy playing. Have you ever tried Akinator? Yes. I don't think I ever beat it, except maybe once. Are you wearing socks right now? No; unless I'm wearing closed-toe shoes like sneakers, I never do. I hate the feeling of them. Can you twerk? Haven't tried, don't wanna. Do you like dabbing? No, it looks stupid. Do you like fishing? I honestly do think it's fun with all the anticipation and thrill of seeing how big the fish is, however I don't support it anymore unless, like hunting, you genuinely need it for food. The only case where I'd go again was if my dad asked me, because that's always been our bonding experience. Do you have a Spotify account? Yes. Have you heard of Blizzard Entertainment? Well, they're the company behind World of Warcraft, so obviously. Do you like bananas? Yes, but only for a VERY short window of time. I am beyond picky with the ripeness of bananas. Are you addicted to anything? Caffeine and technology. Do you know your phone number? I actually don't. Do you swear in front of children? No.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''here for you'' by ozzy osbourne

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sugarcookiesandsins · 4 years

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Charmed [Episode 2]

➰ ot7 x reader, poly!bts x reader, mafia!bts ➰ they wouldn’t notice her until she was standing above them, a smoking gun in her hand a bullet in their heart 🌡 M 🛑 heavy violence 🕛 4.1k+

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@missseoulite @omgsuperstarg @slutkoo @asifetch7 @kawaiimusiccollection @namupeachs

As you made your way closer to the store, you realized that it was a furniture store. You wryly shook your head and cast a glance towards the ceiling - Fate was simply playing you at this point, but what did it matter? It had given you an opportunity, and may karma come for your ass if you did not take advantage of it. Glancing towards the entrance of the shop, you saw multiple women milling about with both eyes on the men and none on the products. Typical.

Resigning yourself to Fate once again, you made your way towards the entrance of the shop, promptly ignoring the stares from the women as they silently judged the clothing you wore and your messy-ish hair. You were nothing compared to their towering heels and fashionable apparel, garnished with shimmering jewels and manicured perfection. Still, you were there for two reasons, the boys whose location was obvious due to their deep baritones and for the furniture. Earlier you were considering getting something simple and easy, but why bother? This would be the longest mission to date, might as well make sure you were comfortable executing it. Making your way into the heart of the store, you pause to evaluate the options presented to customers regarding a general style. Despite your own partiality to your parent's home, you make your way towards the section the boys were in.

The modern style never caught your fancy, its clean, sterile characteristics reminding you too main of hospitals with its prying eyes and constant supervision. All-in-all, the style reminded you of things you didn't like, but for now, you could pretend. Ignoring most other things, you made your way, towards the same section, worker in tow as you rattled off questions about price, shipping, and quality.

Hoseok and Jin both noticed the girl who walked around them but didn't seem to care about their presence. It was easy enough to ignore the gaggle of women outside the shop, the twittering was something easy to get used to. Besides, those women would never dare to approach either of them while not under the strobe lights of their nightly haunt. Demin was a nightclub famous both for its "private" shows and its clientele. It was where Taehyung worked most often, honing his skills with the women much too eager to experience a night in his bed.

[JHS]

The first time I saw her was near the couches, standing next to one that was whiter than the clouds on a clear day. The metal detailing reflected the light of the store. She was dressed in the latest fashion, as was everyone, but she seemed to not be comfortable in it. She was playing a part in an elaborate play.

For a second, I wondered if Jin and I were involved in this play she was the star of. But it couldn’t be. She seemed to not care about the presence of others, not even the employee flocking around her with his feathers all askew. Her eyes were focused on the furniture, calculating and cold as they traced the curves and angles of each piece before her. It was almost hard to not see the gear ticking away in her head and see absorbed information.

Matching eyes with Jin, I slightly tilted my head in her direction, raising an eyebrow. And all I got back was a neutral shrug. So even he recognized something in her but couldn’t determine what it was that felt off.

In a way she reminded me of Jungkook, and I don’t think that if she met him, she would take it as a complement. She moved with the same tense grace that he did, a faked state of relaxation. Though I doubt she had gone through the same thing that he did; even I didn’t know all the details, but all the boys agreed that his father was the only one not worth fighting for.

We all hated the man, not only for what he did to Jungkook, but for what he did to Jimin. Somehow the asshole had gotten his hands on Jimin who was taught to fight both alongside and against his best friend. They were the best of friends, yet they also knew the secret to the other’s downfall.

After a particularly expensive selection of a glass and metal breakfast table, the boys were even more intrigued. You did not seem to be rich, far from it, but the speed with which you selected items certainly made you seem so. Neither did you carry the air of someone with vast amounts of wealth. They were the most obvious; it always astounded them how someone could never get tired of talking about money.

With the attitude of someone who had other places to be, you swept out of the shop in mere moments, followed by wandering eyes and the attention of two very prominent mafia members.

Were you disappointed at the lack of interaction? Yes. But never would you have taken the initiative to start a conversation with them. It would have blown your 'disinterested' facade to pieces in seconds. Still, you were not a blind woman and you could clearly see their interaction thanks to the mirrors that decorated the store - they had spotted you and you had their attention.

From this you learned three things you could add to the files:

Neither Hoseok nor Jin were quick to initiate interaction. In alignment with their training, they waited until that person became a target or they felt reassured about that person's background.

Compared to some of the others, they were not partial to socialization outside of work. Even Jin, their conversationalist, would not deviate to satisfy personal curiosity.

And what is possibly the most important of them all, they were preparing for someone's arrival. Whose? A name wasn't mentioned, but it was almost certainly a male if she had heard the pronouns correctly.

Again, you were back to the counting. You assumed that the habit had come from your mother, a mathematician with more numbers than letters running through in that brain of hers. There was something calming about having a constant in your life. It seemed that with everything else being the way it was in your life, the predictable sequence of numbers grounded you to your fate. Your mantra was a list, your mind worked in logical numerics, anything you had some semblance of control overworked in numbers.

Walking away from the store, you made your way into another one, this time intending to collect a couple new outfits. Despite your new persona being Eli, you still would have some time to be yourself so it would do no good to rely on the same rags that had started tattering with use. 30 minutes later, you walked out of your favorite store with an outfit leaning on the expensive side of casual. A new pair of blue jeans hugged your legs and comfort was your priority with a graphic tee-shirt and a bomber-style jacket. Your old things were in a new backpack that you decided to splurge on.

Glancing out the window of the mall, you noticed night creeping in around the edges of buildings. The sky-colored itself hues of fire as the sun sunk into the horizon, twilight was a magical vision against the sight of the river in the distance. Deciding that you could spare a couple more moments in the mall, you made your way to the food court and took a seat along with a window with a perfect view of the skyline as it caressed the metal of buildings taking their grandeur from blurry reflections.

Hoseok and Jin made their way out of the furniture store after confirming the delivery of their shipment. Even they didn’t know what they were preparing for, but if the Boss said it, then no questions were necessary. After making up excuses for the ladies shameless enough to talk to them under the spotlights of the mall, they began making their way towards the entrance of the mall.

Together, in their crisp button-ups and polished shoes, they cut an imposing figure against the white of the walls. Hoseok couldn’t help but watch the people around him as he walked. It was less of a judgmental gaze than an evaluative one. He always looked for anyone that seemed to have something he could use. He oversaw business contacts in their 7-man crew, the communicator to other groups or with new clients that they saw as prospective. Thus, once again his eyes fell on your lone figure near the window, leaning on the palm of your hand as you watched the world outside, eyes reflecting the very scenery that you were looking at. Taunting orange ribbons dancing in your iris as you isolated yourself from the world just to watch twilight as it progressed.

In truth, no one knew what made him more qualified for his position than Seokjin or Taehyung, both boys also in charge of first encounters, but most surmised it was his face. Compared to Seokjin or Taehyung, it lacked that carved-marble appearance that intimidated others. Molded from chocolate, and with a 100-watt smile, he came off as approachable and sweet.

After seeing you in the furniture shops, both boys had forgotten about you. There was no reason for Hoseok to remember you, you were neither a target nor an informant to him. Still, the curiosity that had died down once you disappeared from his sight was back in full force as he saw a new side of you. In direct contrast to the woman negotiating prices in the store, and succeeding, here you were, quiet and pensive as you looked out the window. The object of your attention was just as much a mystery to him as you were.

[KSJ]

Pulling out my phone, I shot a quick text to Namjoon telling him that all the new furniture had been obtained and was going to be shipped to the warehouse. Then, I contacted out driver so he would be outside the entrance by the time that we exited the mall. I didn’t like being out in the open for more time than was necessary. BigHit is rumored to have people everywhere but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Taking a couple more steps, I realized that Hoseok was not behind me. He normally was just as strict as I was about being exposed so imagine my surprise when I turn and see him once again watching a girl.

That was twice in a day, and here I thought he wanted nothing to do with them.

“Hoseok,” I hissed. Looking closer, I realized that it was the same girl as before and that annoyed me.

He looked over and followed, but not before one last glance back at the girl. She had gotten his attention allright.

There really was nothing special about her. She was another civilian, a civilian that had unknowingly drawn eyes more than once, but she was still a civilian. She was of no use to us, especially with the way she kept her eyes on the sky outside.

Her head was in the clouds and ours were fated to be grounded.

As the sunset, you cast your eyes down as the two male targets walked out of the entrance of the mall and into a waiting SUV, driven by another member of BTS. From this distance, and with the added challenge of sunglasses, it was difficult to identify who, but that didn’t matter to you. For now, you would leave them be as you focused on establishing Eli within the underground societies.

At the moment, the only idea you had was starting with petty theft and then consequently selling the acquired goods on the markets. From the memories you had with your parents, it was not hard to pick out conversations about your dad’s work. You vaguely remembered a case where, in a turn of events, your dad was on the side of the prosecution.

From the hushed conversations, all you could discern was that something important had been stolen and your dad was tasked with finding the person who did it. Logically, the best place to check would be the black markets as sales were kept behind closed doors. Some names had floated around your house, and you decided those would be your starting point; you had to find the best. After all, you were only going to be selling the best.

The question still remained: what would catch their eye? Initially, your thoughts strayed to the furniture they had bought today. Stealing something relatively big like that would certainly be noticed but the only issue was that you would need multiple people to assist. The setup you could probably do by yourself. It wouldn’t take much considering you were going to accepting a delivery from the same place probably on the same day. It wouldn’t be difficult to sneak in under the pretense of forgetting the day and while the worker was verifying with you, check out the order the boys placed in.

This made you pause for a second. The shop had two options for delivery. It could either go straight to the buyer’s house or it could be picked up from the store. You had no clue as to the option the boys picked, but if it was delivered to an address, then that address could be their residence, or at least the start of the breadcrumb trail right to their front door. It would give you such an advantage in the long-run. In the end, you decided, to keep that idea on the back burner. If they themselves gave you access to their house, then the furniture shop would be a waste of time. It was best to wait and see what happens.

With at least 3 people on the team, interception of the delivery and transfer of the packages wouldn’t be too difficult, but you were alone in Seoul. And there was no way you would be asking Maestro for help. You had begged him for this mission, and you would not be losing face by asking him for help. This was something you had to do alone. Besides, even if you did succeed, you yourself wouldn’t be noticed, the company would. Even then you doubted that BTS would bother to get too involved; they have enough money to just buy another set and pay a little extra to get it faster.

To get them to notice, really notice, what you took had to be something personal.

Then it hit you. Eli would be getting attention through pickpocketing, why not use the same strategy against the boys. There had to be a wallet, a card, or something that could find its way into your hand and then into the hands of an underground dealer. Especially, if it was something with their monogram on it. You had no doubt that even though the black markets retained independence, they were all scared to death of BigHit and that an immediate call would be placed to inform them of the missing valuables.

Recalling the two boys you had seen, you traced their figures in your mind to see if there was anything that you could recall. True, there was no need for anything distinguishing to exist - the boys were famous enough as it was - yet, you hoped that through bloodshed and death they still had a little sentimentality within them and that their fathers hadn’t snuffed that out, yet.

Sadly, nothing particularly popped out in your mental image of them, not that it mattered. You had a week or two to figure out the men that you were after. Turning the gold chain around on your wrist you caressed the notches lovingly. This was where their charms would hang, on the very bracelet that you took from your mom all those years ago. It would forever hand on your risk as a reminder to yourself and to others of exactly what you were capable of. You still hadn’t decided what charms would represent them, but that would become easier as you got to know them.

Or you could watch them when they were at their most venerable. When they were home after a long day and decide to let loose. As regimented as they were, they were still men in their prime. They should let loose somewhere, and if not in Demian, then at least in the privacy of their own home.

Suddenly, you found yourself second-guessing your decision to postpone your idea for using the shop. You always hated second-guessing yourself - it was indicative of weakness. Having second thoughts meant that you weren’t committed and a lack of commitment, though it may protect your heart, may not protect you. Besides, conviction is the difference between a good plan and a great plan on one hand, and on the other it causes small mistakes to magnify into train wrecks. If you had to choose only one thing to remember from your master’s teachings, it would be what he had written into your skin; ‘Commitment or Fear’. It was this tattoo that you traced pinpricked along the sliver of skin that molded to your skin above the edge of your panties as you still broke the law and thought.

You left the mall long after the sun sank beneath the horizon. Making your way home, you decided on a plan of action tomorrow. It would be the same for the next couple of days after that. You had to make face with the markets until yours was the name they thought of when it came to theft.

For the next three weeks, you slowly built a rapport with the minor crime bosses of Seoul. It was a difficult start, forcing yourself to take from innocents on the streets to help your own cause. Yet, it was a necessary evil in your mind and you satiated yourself with the idea that without BigHit they would be much safer as you snuck your hand into purses and back-pockets to retrieve wallets and valuables.

These stolen items you would turn-around and pawn off at black-market vendors who were all too happy to receive new goods. They too benefited from your transactions with them as it allowed a wider clientele to enter their doors, those that avoided the vault at the back of the shop and stayed at the front counters to purchase simpler items like luxury watches or id cards.

Soon enough, Eli was a common enough name whispered around the black market circles. It was never spoken with much feeling behind it other than admiration when the feeling was involved. It had spread pretty far, but what you didn't account for was who Eli's myth spread to.

[MYG]

We had been called into the head office today; a rarity but not an impossibility considering how we were still working for him. The pompous bastard liked to throw his weight around, but then again so did everyone in the company – throwing around weight creates fear as most didn’t even have enough to toss. We life and thrive on fear. Fear made people compliant. And from father to son and mother to daughter, everyone shared the same fears and everyone became compliant.

Walking into the office, it still struck me how he managed to make the same room look so different. Each leader had his own taste but they knew not to touch the sanctity of the office like he had. I hated him for it.

Still, what he said surprised me. They were words of praise for someone other than himself; Eli. He had come and taken Seoul by storm with the way he suddenly amassed wealth and called the pockets of citizens his coffers. No one knew where he came from or his past, he just showed up one day and asserted himself as the thief of the decade.

“-bring him in.” The tension in the room painfully shifted.

“Excuse me sir, but with all due respect I think-.” Namjoon tried to bring him to his senses and see the reason that they could not bring a random stranger so close to them, but the boss was the boss and he liked to show it.

“What you think is not relevant. You are to bring him in and I am going to hire him.” His face was annoyingly condescending, but we were bound to follow his orders.

With a short affirmation that he would get right on it, Namjoon led us all out of the office and down the stair back to our car.

Walking out of the pawnshop, Eli stared up at the skyscrapers that towered over his form. It had been another successful day, with a thick wad of bills weighing down the pockets of his jacket. Today, Eli had decided to case out the business center of Seoul. It wasn’t difficult to make him obsolete among the crisp suits and pencils skirts despite standing out with ripped denim and a graphic tee.

The good thing about business people he had come to learn was that they never paid attention to their surroundings. Tunnel-vision ordained a singular viewpoint on their destination and most just glared at and obstruction in their path, not noticing that their pockets were significantly lighter or that the hands that prevented them from falling had taken more liberties than necessary for a task of that kind.

Stuffing your hands into your pockets, you thought about the future of Eli. He was quite well known at this point, not even the black-market pawns haggled with him on prices. What he said goes, and most trusted his reputation of being a fair source of goods. The only real issue had been the targets put on his back. Eli knew that some of the things he had stolen contained sensitive material - that only made the price higher in his eyes - and that this had caused many important people to start craving his head on a platter.

For this reason, when he had reached the crowded Gangnam district, he slipped into a noodle shop. Both because he was hungry and because he needed to change out of his wig and bandages. Sending a small nod at the owner - a woman who you came across with a vendetta against BigHit and decent enough credibility -, you snuck into the storage room at the back. Behind the cartons of vegetables lay a black duffle bag with all your supplies; make-up remover, bandage rolls, extra clothes, and your day-bag. All which Eli used to revert himself back into you.

Back at the front of the restaurant, the fabric door was held aside as a trio of men made their way into the store, each casting a piercing glance at the patrons of the humble noodle shop. The woman behind the counter bristled as she recognized the statues that graced her store - after all, who did not know these boys?

As she watched them hover at the entrance of her shop, the ma’am finally got the chance to study them. They were an intimidating bunch, refined with the kind of confidence that came from their skills and not their looks. Like few others, they had taught themselves the art of subtle patronization.

As she watched their eyes dart around the store, she finally realized that they were looking for the Ruffian. His true name she did not know, but he had made a deal with her concerning the back room of her shop and had been using it for a week or so. She did not know what exactly happened in that back room, but she suspected it had something to do with the (e/c)-ed woman that walked out soon after.

Half of her wanted to send her worker back to warn whoever was back there, but she decided against it. What she had heard from the Ruffian was vague, and before she gave either one her loyalty, she needed to see more about them. Thus, the only interaction she made was to bow respectfully towards them and offer them a seat, which they took with deception in their bones.

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raynebowrayne · 5 years

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A rant about Rey.

I'm so sick of the entire Mary Sue debate. It's ridiculous! And this bullshit right here is the straw that broke the camel's back!

Here was my response to that dudebro-

Aside from pissing me off, this interaction also got me thinking...

What I told him about her life was absolutely true and it only takes 1/2 a working brain cell to realize that... Rey grew up in hell.

Niima outpost is a bona fide shit hole. It's the kind of place where the most famous ship in the galaxy can be hidden in plain sight... for years! The kind of place where people sell children. Where people ignore a teenage girl being attack in the middle of the city market... or worse, find it entertaining.

Rey is rather plain looking and shapeless when we meet her... and that was not by accident. Daisy is a beautiful young woman who can turn heads walking down any street in the world... but the difference of appearance between her and Rey are as marked as those between a peacock and a peahen.

The heartbreaking truth is, this is as much a defense tactic as it is a statement of Rey's poverty. She's 19... even if she was a late bloomer she's spent, at least, the last few years having to worry about being seen as a desirable woman... because if someone stronger, more clever, or sufficiently devious enough took an interest in her she could and likely would have been sexually assaulted, raped and/or murdered... the chances of her having never been AT LEAST sexually assaulted are very slim...

She fights every fight like her life depends on it. Even when it's a simple robbery... of something worth zero money to her... did you notice how fast she went from "stop that" to complete savage beast mode on the thugs Unkar sent? It was instantaneous the moment that thug grabbed her. That's panic fighting, pure survival instinct. She's been grabbed before... and it's apparently left her with the effects of lingering trauma.

Did you see how she didn't hesitate to attack, with intent to kill, Kylo the first three times that met? She's had to fight for her life before. Enough to have conquered the panic to the point she can fight effectively. That means she's done it A LOT.

Rey is no sweet cinnamon roll, nor some overpowered bimbo... she's a survivor living in one of the foulest pits of hell that the GFFA has to offer.

Sure, she's a decent person... but make no mistake, she is absolutely willing to cut a bitch. She is a stone cold killer. We don"t know her body count, but anyone with eyes can see that she didn't hesitate and she didn't bat an eyelash at killing that first stormtrooper in the forest before Kylo found her. She'd have done the same to him if not for the fact that he was a Jedi.

Which brings me to the point where they actually do meet...

When he took off that helmet and introduced his real PERSON to her you can't help but wonder why the fuck the big bad guy would do such a thing.

But, if you watch the scene that follows you can see him become more and more fascinated by her with every passing second.

I didn't watch him when I saw this movie at the theater, I watched her. She was emoting beautifuly... terror, panic, revulsion... I can see why someone could see this scene as akin to rape... they'd be wrong, but I CAN see how they've come up with that.

Guess who else wasn't looking at him during this scene? Rey wasn't either.

You know when else she wasn't looking at that incredibly expressive face of his?

When he first got a load of her.

The novel states and it's actually pretty easy to see if you look for it, that Kylo Ren was surprised by and impressed with her from the moment she opened fire on him in the forest.

Yup. He was a goner from the word go. He didn't take her because it would be just as easy to get the map from her as it would be to get it from the droid... frankly the data chip would have been infinitely more useful than a 30 second, unfocused memory... no he took her because he felt incredibly drawn to her. He took her because she intrigued him. He could feel there was something different and special about her. He was so distracted by her and elated to have gotten her under his control that he didn't give even a fraction of a shit about finding the droid or Luke anymore... he actively didn't want the droid anymore because that would have robbed him of his excuse to keep her around and investigate her mind... the perfect cover for his sudden, urgent, NEED to learn everything about her and figure out why he felt so "inexorably drawn" to her.

Watch his face after she says the bit about Vader... he's scared shitless... but he's not afraid for his life... he's scared because he didn't find out why he was drawn to her, and now it was a way more powerful draw... and it felt incredible... like nothing he's ever felt or seen or heard or read about...

That my friends, with a shiver down his spine to mark the occasion, was the moment he realized that she was his ONLY equal in the entire galaxy... and he wanted her. Like a trophy, yes, on the surface, where he could acknowledge and accept it - but also on a deeper level... on the level of a unique being who had found the only other of it's type in existence... on the level where Adam wanted Eve.

Rey missed 100% of that... just like a lot of the fandom... just like I did upon first viewing.

In fact she missed every bit of him falling in love with her... allllllllll the way up to this moment

Yep... even says so in the book... she had no inkling that he had actual, real, deep feelings for her.

Not even when this happened-

She was clueless.

And guess what else she didn't know? She didn't know he was physically attracted to her until this moment-

It never occurred to her that he might want ALL OF HER... because she only found out 10 minutes ago (a LONG ten minutes!) that he felt ANYTHING towards her besides a desire to shape and control her Force training and abilities.

It was a lot to take in all at once... especially considering that she was still so terrified of him that she tried to kill him 18 hrs ago!

She had hoped she could convince him to go home to his mother and his family... to return to the light... to fight the good fight... she never even suspected that he had fallen in love with HER... the lonely, scrappy, unwanted, abandoned, flawed, unlovable dessert rat... not her powers.

I think she misjudged him terribly from start to finish.

She has no idea when she closes that door in his face that his feelings were hurt but not changed... that they were real and not some fucked up manipulation tactic.

That naked vulnerability is why they chose Adam Driver... Kylo's feelings for Rey are alive and well... that's why the last time we see him he is bowing under the weight of massive amounts of grief.

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castielle-deanna · 4 years

Text

Rewind the exit

"Rewinding the exit wound, I'm holding on to you 'Cause I need words like anyone, and I need love like everyone With those words I'm strong enough, and I need love like everyone." (Rewind the exit by Volbeat)

Obligatory 15x18 Destiel fix-it. Partially inspired by the gorgeous art of Jackie @winchester-reload

2408 words. Read below the cut or on AO3

It's over. It took just a day – a painful, grueling whirlwind of a day, but it's finally over. Chuck's gone, the world is back on its axis as it should be, most of its population awoken from non-existence like it was merely a fever dream, but the factory reset was the last one in a row of tasteless jokes and it left things cruelly incomplete.

“Now, I'm getting him back,” Dean says. He doesn't specify whom he means – he knows it full well, and he's certain Sam does, too. “Don't know how, but I will.”

“Dean...”

“Don't. Don't say anything. I have to.”

“You can't start poking cosmic entities again! I know it's Cas, but -”

“You don't know, Sam, you don't!” Dean's voice wobbles as his volume rises, unbidden and unwanted tears gathering in his eyes. “Don't tell me you don't want Eileen back!”

“Of course I do, but not at any cost. We broke the world more than once, only just put it back together, we can't keep doing it over and over again.”

“It's Cas,” Dean chokes out, as if Sam didn't know, even though he said the same words barely a minute earlier. But something must be in the way he says the name, or maybe on his face while he says it, because Sam's frustrated expression softens, but the look of pity that replaces it is probably worse.

“He's your...” Sam hesitates, his loss for a fitting description clear as day. “Eileen...?” He finishes, intonation halfway between that of a question and a statement. Dean nods mutely, because of course Sam knows that, too. Because keeping it to himself is just impossible at this point and there's no real reason to hold it in anyway. “I'm sorry,” Sam says then, and Dean turns his back on him as a form of escape.

Oh, yes, it is worse. Because Sam lost people too, but somehow, his focus is suddenly on Dean's pain and only on Dean's pain. Too much, stop, I can't, Dean wants to yell, but all his energy is gone, sapped away; the way he sinks into the Impala's front seat is barely a thought more coordinated than a collapse into unconsciousness. Temporarily, Sam seems intent on stumbling around the car to take the passenger seat as usual, but in the end he pulls the rear door open, settling in behind Dean instead.

Dean's grateful for the distance, for being out of Sam's sight, and because he wants to give his brother the courtesy he is getting, he doesn't turn around, even when there's barely muffled sobs coming from the backseat. As he listens to the sounds of Sam's slowly subsiding anguish while less than an inch away from the edge himself, he doesn't think that any of it was even remotely worth it. Sure, they exist, and so does Jack, but it can't be called surviving when they lost everything they fought for, and suddenly there are limits to omniscient control that weren't there before.

Now, Jack's the Light, the Darkness and probably a million other things, because of course the Universe would decide to trust a 3-years-old nephilim with that kind of responsibility, but he was still powerless against their loss. All the Apocalypse World refugees are gone, like they never existed – which, technically is true; so are Eileen and C... Dean can't even finish the name, like he's reached the posting limit with the one out-loud use of it earlier. He wonders how he and Sam are still kicking, if anyone who died and was brought back is meant to remain permanently gone, why didn't they go, too, when the reset happened? Dying is not the hard part, staying behind is, if Sam's quieting sobs and Dean's... well, everything are to go by.

Jack appears outside the Impala, a pained expression on his face. He looks smaller than he is, and so, so young. He crouches down next to the open door on the driver's side, looking up at Dean.

“I have no access to the Empty, not without dying. I can't try to bring him back, I'm so sorry,” Jack reports without any preamble, and Dean's entire being feels squeezed. Of course he couldn't.

“It's not your fault, kid,” he croaks out eventually, and Jack nods solemnly in reply before moving over to the back door, opening it. Dean still doesn't turn.

“Sam.”

“Jack!” Sam sounds surprised, almost as if he hasn't even noticed his presence before. There's a rustle, the leather of the backseat creaks and the Impala wobbles slightly. Dean assumes it's because Sam slid over and Jack sat down.

“I found Eileen. She's in Heaven.”

“Is she... is she happy?” Sam asks, his voice pained.

“She is at peace, and in time, she will be happy. I opened up her Heaven, she is free to move around. She was on her way to her parents when I left her. She misses you, and asked me to tell you that she loves you,” Jack pauses, and Sam hiccups. “I offered her a chance to come back, but she knows it may upset the new balance. She decided not to risk it, but she'll be waiting for you.”

A loud wail-like sob breaks out of Sam, and it's too much for Dean to take, so he scrambles out of the car, desperate for air, for escape. With a sudden surge of energy he breaks into a run, blindly dashing past the church Chuck chose as the set for his famous final scene, past crumbling headstones, then trees until he runs out of ground and trips, falling to his knees. The sobs he fought so hard to keep hold of escape, and Dean screams to Heaven, to Hell, to the Empty and all of the in-between till his throat is raw, till all he wants is to curl up against a tree, to sleep, to black out, to d...

“Dean.” Sam's voice is strained. Dean doesn't ask how he found him, doesn't need to. “Let's go home.”

“I can't drive right now.”

“I know. Jack has already mojoed the car home, he'll be back for us.”

* * *

The Bunker is haunted. It's haunted by two faint apparitions of humanity who mostly pass each other by in the corridors like ships in the night, silent and distant.

Dean prays. Every morning, every evening, and most waking hours between the two, he prays. He doesn't know if Cas can hear him, but the faith that he can is all Dean has, so it has to be enough.

It's not enough. Yet Dean clings to it, because if he doesn't have that, he doesn't have anything. He prays out loud, he prays in his thoughts and he prays by touching the bloody handprint on his jacket. It's prayers he mumbles into his whiskey, sobs into his pillow, pounds into the punching bag in their gym, kneads into the dough he keeps making despite barely eating any of the resulting pies.

Sam is slightly quicker to get back on his feet. Dean can still see him wobble, of course he can, and he wants to help him stay upright, but considering himself the stronger brother, the protector, the grown-up, has never before been a lie this big.

When, a few weeks later, Sam suggests a simple hunt, a restless spirit not even strong enough to kill yet, Dean goes along not for himself, but for his brother.

When he lands in a broken heap after being thrown from a third-floor window, and he can see someone - who he assumes is Billie's successor – out of the corner of his eye, beckoning him, he doesn't go along for his brother, no matter how much he wants to, deep down. Everything hurts but he fights, and prays as long as he can stay awake.

When he wakes, nothing hurts but it doesn't feel real. He's back in the Bunker, under the covers on his memory foam mattress.

Someone sniffles just outside his field of vision, and Dean assumes it's Sam, or maybe Jack, but then the someone whispers his name. Dean sits up in a fluid motion, as if a spring wrenched him upright, and he turns his head to see tearful blue eyes.

“Am I dead?” Dean asks, because that's the only possibility, it cannot... he cannot...

“No. You're alive.”

“Am I hallucinating?”

“No, you're not,” Cas says softly and moves closer to lay a hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean feels it. He swings his heavier-than-lead legs around and drops his feet to the floor, one on either side of Cas who stands rooted to the spot, holding on to Dean's shoulder with a tight grip.

“Cas,” Dean whispers and Cas all but crumbles, kneeling down in front of him. “Did you mean it?” Dean asks. There are other questions, hundreds of hows and whys, but this is the most important one, and Dean hopes he doesn't sound as much like a needy teenage girl asking it as he thinks he does. Cas doesn't seem to care either way, judging by the gentle smile on his face.

“Of course. I meant every word. I wasn't planning on telling you all of it, and I'm sorry for dumping it on you like that, but I thought that was my only chance.”

“I should've said it back. But I froze.”

“Dean, you don't have to say anything. When I said that just being in love with you was enough, I meant that too.”

“I know. You said you know you can't have what you want, but you can. You can have it, if you still want... it.” The 'if you still want me' part remains implied. I should have said it back.”

Cas looks taken aback for a moment, then he seems to gather himself. “Do you want to say it now?” He asks, blue eyes wide and bright as he fixes them on Dean's. “I love you.” His voice carries the same warm, earnest determination it did... then, and for a moment Dean can almost hear the squelch of the Empty behind him, until the staccato beat of his wildly thumping heart reaches its loudest, trying to physically fit itself into Cas' palm which by now is resting right above it.

“I love you, Cas.” Letting go of the words is not only easier than Dean expected, but it's also freeing enough to make him understand how Cas could be so happy. Wanting to hang on to that feeling, he opens his mouth to say it again, but the attempt ends up lost between Cas' lips as they paint a kiss onto his.

Dean lifts his hands to cradle Cas' face so he could pull him closer, until it's just right, until it's perfect, actually; and he deepens their kiss then swallows Cas' faint whimper before pulling away, resting his forehead against the angel's.

“If I knew what having feels like...” Cas whispers then trails off, dipping in for another brush of lips, and Dean meets him halfway, wrapping both arms around the angel's shoulders. Cas is solid in his arms, alive and there. Dean can't get enough of it, of him, and squeezes tighter, allowing the kiss to fall into incoordination, because suddenly its importance is only secondary to holding onto Cas. He buries his face into the crook of Cas' neck, nuzzling the column of it, and Cas tilts his head to give Dean space to settle in, which he does, possibly for good. He babbles soundless, unsayable words into the angel's throat; breathes in his scent; sneaks a taste of his warm skin, because he can. Cas' breath hitches under Dean's ministrations, and it continues to stutter while Dean pops the buttons of the angel's dress shirt open, one by one, eventually freeing him from the cloth altogether, dropping it on the floor.

Dean doesn't mean it as a precursor to sex, there's not a hint of lust in his actions, and Cas appears to sense it but he helps Dean out of his layers anyway. The angel's slow touch ghosting its way up his bare stomach is reverent, light... as if he's expecting Dean to flutter away from underneath his fingertips like a fantasy, and Dean's so damn close to breaking he feels the cracks form, so it may just be an actual possibility. Cas' eyes are wrenched shut as he continues tracing patterns onto Dean's abs, over his ribs, every now and then flitting up to his collarbone, raking a blunt fingernail over it. Dean shivers - he has never been touched like this, he's never been loved like this, and it's too much to handle. He closes his eyes to stop the overload, but it makes it worse, because Cas' fingers are the real magic ones, now digging firmer into his sides, then pushing on his shoulders, and he lets himself fall back onto the bed.

Suddenly, the sensation of Cas disappears and Dean panics, eyes flying back open in terror until they settle on Cas standing still above him, intense gaze fixed on him. Cas is trembling, and if Dean thought having the wrath of God on him was intense, he had another thing coming in the love of an angel.

“Come here, Cas,” he mumbles, and makes space for Cas to lie down. When he does, Dean props himself up on his elbow, leaning over him.

Cas sighs. “I’m sorry for the way I left you.”

“You’re back now. That’s what matters.”

“When I heard you d-dying,” Cas falters and he gulps twice in quick succession, “I knew I had to fight my way back.”

“You're something else, you know that, right?”

“I hope that's a good thing,” Cas teases faintly, but his voice is so hoarse with emotions that it ruins the effect. Still, Dean chuckles, moving in to caress Cas' chest.

“I will show you just how good.” He attempts a flirtatious grin but what comes out instead is an almighty yawn. Cas laughs, obviously carefree and happy, his chest heaving under Dean's palm.

“Sleep, my love.”

“My love,” Dean echoes, barely a hint of a question in it, then fixes his mouth to Cas' for a lazy, drawn-out kiss. He fights the exhaustion creeping up on him as long as he can, but it wins out in the end, and Dean lets himself be pulled down on top of Cas, curling up into him in the process.

#Destiel #destiel fanfic #spn s15

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lassostark · 3 years

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Excerpt:

March 2019

“And that’s when you decided to take a year off?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

Jamie chuckles under his breath and snaps his fingers. “Just like that?”

Jaskier echoes the gesture with a lopsided grin. “Just like that.”

“Why did you think that was the best course of action to take? I mean, your career was flourishing at that point. Your songs were topping the charts everywhere, you were winning awards; everyone wanted to collaborate with you… What made you decide that, ‘Hey, you know what? I think I’m gonna take a break. Adios!’”

“Well, I realized then that I hadn’t really taken a proper vacation since I started my solo career.” Jaskier scratches the back of his head, tilted slightly in thought as Jamie watches him with curiosity. “I was, like, fifteen when my first album came out, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“But I was only fourteen when I started working on it, when I signed that contract with Redania Records. So fast forward to that last show at Wembley, I hadn’t had a proper break in four years.”

Jamie whistles low. He tries to put himself in the singer’s shoes and ends up shaking his head instead.

“Yeah, no, that’s a long time. Especially for someone so young.”

“Exactly.” Jaskier nods in agreement. “Everything just — it just happened so fast, you know? And sure, I was really young. I mean, I was eighteen and performing in front of sold-out arenas and stadiums. Other kids my age that time were worrying about graduating secondary school and which university they were planning to go to. I wasn’t worrying about that at all. I was bright-eyed and basking in all the fame and attention, and all the awards I was getting, and the only worry I had then was what kind of album was I going to make next?”

Jamie guffaws.

“That’s a completely different ballpark. Like, we have Exhibit A: normal teens worrying about their future like normal people. And then we have Exhibit B: a famous eighteen-year-old musician who’s been surrounded by adults most of his life and was told what to do and not do, and had the constant pressure of writing smashing hits, just so he gets to keep his label and career.”

“You make it sound so dreadful,” Jaskier comments with a laugh, eyes crinkling in the corners. “Like I’m Rapunzel and my evil step-mother were the people I worked with. That wasn’t the case, no. I mean, not exactly. There’s a certain grain of truth to what you just said, but like… I wasn’t that pressured, either. I mean, I was, but during that time I wasn’t exactly aware of what was going on, except that I only wanted to make the music I wanted.”

Jamie giggles, and he tears his gaze from the scenery before them to look at Jaskier’s profile. They’re on the A30 highway to Cornwall, Jaskier at the driver’s seat since he knows the way to his cottage. The musician explained that he bought property in the area a few years ago, around the time before he released his fifth album. By the time he started his tour, the cottage was already built, and Jamie regarded the blissful look on Jaskier’s face while the twenty-eight year old shared a few of his fondest memories there.

“So how was it?” Jamie breaks the peaceful silence after a few minutes. “Was it the kind of break you imagined? Or was it something more?”

Jaskier looks thoughtful for several moments.

“I suppose it was a bit of both. I studied for my GCSE’s, then after I got my diploma, I decided that I wanted to stay somewhere else. That’s when Mousesack suggested we go on an extended holiday.”

“That was really thoughtful of your godfather.”

Jaskier hums, a small smile on his face. “It really was. In fact, it was exactly what I needed. I’ve always had my eyes on New York, so I took advantage of the time I had and decided to stay there indefinitely. I bought a condo, had some of my instruments and vinyls shipped there. I even had Mousesack move with me for a while. It didn’t feel right to leave my godfather in London on his own when he could just come with me, you know? So I offered, and I was happy when he accepted.”

Jamie already knows of the events that happened during and after Jaskier’s brief stay in America. He did his research, after all. But prior to this gig, he’s been a long-time fan of Jaskier and his music, having seen and read all the articles and interviews regarding the most turbulent years of the musician’s life and career. So yes, to Jamie, it’s information he already knows, but it’s information he’s garnered through third and fourth, even fifth, parties. Hearing everything from his idol’s perspective is both a privilege and (the fanboy in him squeals) a dream come true.

“And then…” he prompts gently.

Jaskier’s lips twitch upwards. “And then,” he echoes with a sideways glance at Jamie.

He remains quiet, and Jamie patiently waits for Jaskier to continue. His patience is rewarded after a few minutes when Jaskier ultimately clears his throat.

#the witcher #the witcher fic #witcher fic #geraskier #geraskier fic #geralt x jaskier #jaskier #musician jaskier #witcher au #fanfic update #my writing #dapperyklutz

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iatheia · 3 years

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EDA reviews Part 5 - books 38-46

Previous part 1, 2, 3 & 4

38) Casualties of War - a lovely story. In form and in function it is pretty much identical to the previous story, and even reveals pretty much the same info verbatim. The plot is similarly nothing outstanding, from ~5 minutes in you can tell pretty much exactly how it is going to turn out. That said, it has a much better atmosphere than the Burning, and Doctor’s characterization is also much stronger. Nice and relaxing, if a bit gory at times, and veering off towards supernatural by the end. 8/10

39) The Turing Test - Wow, these stories keep getting better and better! It is overwhelming and exuberant. Only a handful of books have even attempted to get anywhere near close into the Doctor’s psyche as this one has. Moreover, it has multiple narrators, and all three have a very different relationship with the Doctor, you get into the different facets of his persona, multiplicity of his character. You have a dashing and breathless romantic whose mere presence sweeps you off your feet, a reckless hero, an enigma, at the same time, there is a rather selfish and cruel streak as well. He is a manipulator, someone who knows more than he should and willing to use this knowledge to achieve his aims, willing to play people against each other and show a side of himself that they would be most accepting to see. It is never to the degree of Seven, this behavior is all Eight through and through, the core of his characters never sways, it’s just viewed through a different lens. The previous novels have established these facets, but more on accident, due to lack of consistency between different writers, picking one and going with it. But this is the first one I feel they were actually explored in full, though, certainly, there will be other stories to tackle this in the future as well (Caerdroia in particular comes to mind). An outstanding story through and through. 10/10

40) Endgame - Hot off the heels of the previous one, another fun story - or, at the very least, something that would have been a gem if it had managed to sustain the energy it had at the beginning. Doctor’s claustrophobia and depression were very poignant, and, as much as I loved Stranded already, it does make me look at that story in a new light with a newer appreciation. And, on top of that - this book is funny, the Doctor evading spy agents with ease is the comedy of errors. That said, in the second half there is too much runamock it’s a bit repetitive, not very well organized, they needlessly cross the ocean so many times, the situation at a given location is resolved the second the Doctor shows up on a scene, and it all ends in deus ex machina. The authors note says that the original draft was submitted unfinished, and boy does it show. Still, I had fun with it. 8/10

41) Father Time - It is hard not to notice though that some of the novels come in pairs (or trios). The Burning and the Casualties of War had a lot of overlap. Turning Test and Endgame were both based on political intrigue. And now, Endgame and Father Time, both feature some mysterious entity that know the Doctor from before, with him not knowing who they are. They are even called similarly, “The Players” and “The Hunters”. When these overlaps are so close to one another, it does rather stick out. This ark is not the first time this happened, obviously, there have been a number of stories before that makes you pause and go “wait, you’ve just done this in the previous book, too”. It’s probably more to do with how quickly the books are released one after another, so as the writers discuss some ideas, they end up being in several places....

That said, the first third of the book had me singing its praises. After going through the five stages of grief, and battling against the depression of the previous novel, the Doctor is finally reaching acceptance of his situation, and possibly nurturing hope for the future. It’s exactly the type of a fluffy story I have a weakness for. But then... you have a time skip, which gets all the pacing torn into shreds. Not only the conclusion of the first part is too abrupt, everything falling into pieces as if by accident, but also, none of the things that happened in the first part (or most of the characters that were introduced) matter for part two. It turns into a chess match play by numbers, moving characters across the board almost without any transition in service of “plot”, without much of consideration for their head space, keeping everyone rather ooc. The change in visuals is very abrupt - it’s hard to accept the Doctor as a millionaire business consultant living in a grand mansion, new family situation or not. It’s not just at odds with his bohemian persona, it also begs a question, if he is so famous, what do the UNIT and Torchwood are doing about it? And also, *sigh*. You have a sixteen year old girl, who, in the previous chapter, just been ten. And you decide to spend the next two chapters on little else than musing how “she hasn’t been interested in sex, even though she is SO HOT”, only to decide that she is interested now, actually. It comes across more than a little fetishistic, and the story continues to follow her around with the male gaze. I’m not here to follow sexual exploits of minors - not in a Doctor Who novel. It is utterly unnecessary, doesn’t add anything of value to the plot, not character driven, and made me lose pretty much all of the good will I had from the first part of the story (and I had a lot of it, because the start of it was basically perfect). In the third part, it just turns into a discount Taken story, somehow managing to lose any cohesiveness and suspension of disbelief, and fizzles out in the end. 4/10

Amnesia watch: #7. It’s a bait and switch - the Doctor was just pretending, but I’m counting it anyway.

42) Escape Velocity - I wonder, how much sponsorship did various fast food places paid for this novel....

And we are back with Fitz. I didn’t really say it before, but it was really rather a dick move leaving the Doctor all alone for over a century. I mean, it worked, narratively speaking (more on that later), but, still, in an option between traveling through space & time BUT leaving them alone for that long, without any idea who they are, without any network of support, letting them slowly go mad, only being there for the fun bits, versus staying with them to help them through it all, you are kind of a bad friend. Sure, Compassion was in the driver’s seat, but Fitz didn’t exactly protest all that much, did he? And why 20th century earth? If the conditions for Doctor’s maroonment was that he had to stay somewhere for over 100 years while the TARDIS repaired itself, then any other technologically advanced era that didn’t have two world wars would have sufficed? And, psst, Doctor, your adopted kid has a space armada. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind giving you one ship that would allow you at least space travel, you didn’t have to spend last 11 years on Earth - you could have went traveling, TARIS in tow on that ship, and only checked in at the deadline.

Also, I get it, memory loss is a traumatic experience, and the Doctor isn’t human, and there is a sense of wrongness. But, he has lived on Earth for over 100 years. In that time he had more memories and experiences than any human alive. After a while, this entire thing of “I don’t know who I am” should start wearing a bit thin, don’t you think?

This rant aside, the book is a bit play by numbers. A lot of unnecessary runaround, traveling from London to Brussels and back several times for no particular reason. A rather boring “aliens invading earth” plot that left me checked out for a vast majority of it. Nothing bad about it, but nothing stands out about the plot either. But, it did have several heartfelt emotional scenes - the long awaited reunion, seeing TARDIS interior again, the finale. They were fairly brief, and it’s a bit of a pity they weren’t savored for a bit longer, instead letting the plot get in the way, but the little that was there was nice. 7/10

43) EarthWorld - I was hoping to enjoy this book a bit more than I ended up, I usually am quite fond of Rayner’s works, but I guess it is one of her first books. It’s a bit monotone, landing on the side of quirky, whether it was suited for a scene or not. Also dwelling on the past quite a bit, invoking the imagery of Unearthly Child, War Games, Greatest Show in the Galaxy in a rapid succession, for no specific reason, and then dwelling for quite a long time on several previous novels in a not entirely organic way. Instead of using this as an opportunity so start afresh now that we’re finally back in the TARDIS, it feels like it is focused more than ever on recapping how they got here, especially as the previous novel offered a way out by letting Fitz forget most of the previous “ark”. There were a lot of lovely character moments - but some of it did feel overly gratuitous. Still, it’s a decent book, even if it doesn’t quite reach full marks 8/10.

44) Vanishing Point - Easily the best Steve Cole novel of the ones I’ve ever read and/or listened to. This is the fresh start to the team adventures that I was hoping for. The alien world is interesting, with great worldbuilding (which is actually kind of rare in the novels). A lot of exciting imagery. The characters are a joy to behold. Not just the trio, but the secondary characters too. The first half of the book is basically perfect. It... kind of fizzles out in the second half, never really delivering on its set up in an entirely satisfying way.

A big part of the difficulty of suspending disbelief, though, was Fitz’s leg. I twisted my ankle once. I could barely walk for several days afterwards (so it having happen at a beginning of a trip was Awful), it took months for it to fully heal, and even now it feels more wobbly than the other one. And a colleague of mine ended up getting a special boot, because she keeps twisting her ankle (always the same one). Fitz had twisted his ankle, and then he was shot in the leg. And he is running about mountains and waterfalls almost immediately. 8/10

45) Eater of Wasps - You have to give it to Baxendale, he has a very particular style. Everything described so masterfully you couldn’t help but imagining every single detail, like painting a picture before you. Even though a significant portion of it is body horror that is described exactly as lovingly as the British countryside. Never before has the title been this appropriate. Very careful in setting up the conflict and tension between the protagonists. 10/10

46) The Year of Intelligent Tigers - This story is just nice. Another one with incredible visuals and incredible feelings behind it, exuberant and overwhelming, like a hurricane. The ending is particularly strong. This is peak Eight - a force of nature, alien and unknowable, and yet, you can’t help but being swept off your feet. Stories like this one is exactly why he is the platonic ideal of who the Doctor should be.

Overall impressions so far: This was like a breath of fresh air. The “stuck on Earth all on his own” ark was not only beautifully executed, but it was also badly needed. The last time I was complaining that few novels actually did anything with Eight - he would react to the plot, but never really be affected by anything. And at the heart of it was the issue that the writers, through trial and error, did come to a consensus about who he should be, but rarely took time to actually get into his head - they started out somewhat flat-footedly, and then got swept up in other things. Here, though, they were forced to slow down and focus his undivided attention just on him, what makes him tick if you break him down to the barest essentials - so even after reuniting with the TARDIS and the companions, his portrayal is all the stronger as a result. Rather than merely reacting to the world at large, he is now an active participant.

The companions are great. There is nothing particularly special being given to Fitz to chew upon, but his presence is always welcome, especially with him being as mellow as he has been back in Autumn Mist. What is it about the Doctor that attracts so many companions with an acute case of praise kink, I wonder? Anji is also interesting, and I love seeing what’s being done with her. She slots in perfectly, delivering so sorely missed snark Compassion had in her pre-Shadow of Avalon outings, all the while having a rather unique relationship with the Doctor - acknowledging his eldritch horror moments, being one of the few who does stand up to him. Especially after the last couple of books, I’m curious to see where this goes and how it continues to build.

The books themselves are a significant step up to what was there before, which got pretty joyless for a short while, alternating between mediocre to awful. In this batch, tough? Sure, there are some weaker offerings, but even there there is at least one stand-out scene that makes the book. Even if the plot isn’t exactly the most revolutionary thing in the world, it is being made up with solid character work. Honestly, for any new readers I would recommend just starting with #37 Burning and going from there - at least so far.

#doctor who #eighth doctor #eighth doctor adventures #eda

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