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swtorpadawan · 30 minutes
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Why I have to suffer like this?
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I just wanted to google "Why Sith Warrior has only one apprentice". I didn't want to see bad takes about how "Ashara's development is ass because she doesn't "have "persona" or "doesn't even fall to the Dark Side". EXCUSE YOU. That's HER DEVELOPMENT. She doesn't fall because she is not the type of Jedi prone to that. She is a Jedi who QUESTIONS the Jedi teachings and who doesn't understand why emotions are considered to be bad to the Jedi. THAT'S WHY SHE DOESN'T FALL. People who follow the teachings of the Jedi without any questions (with obedience like Jaesa) or who question but are denied bare human emotions (like Anakin) are usually more prone to falling because they were deprived of skills they need. Because Jedi Order is teaching them that emotions are bad they don't learn how to cope with emotions and when you don't know how to cope, you just fall like a fucking rock to the bottom of the pit. There is no control, no rails to catch yourself on. Coping allows you to descend down rather than fall, it helps you to control your investment in the Dark Side. See Lana Beniko and her amazing not a mad woman persona. She is not acting like a typical psycho because she has skills to manage her own emotions. Siths are about using emotions for battle. Managing your emotions is the most improtant skill they may have. Uncontrollable falling into the Dark Side, or chosing corruption and becoming a mad driven lunatic is the worst thing that Sith can do. That's. the. point.
I will not judge or riddicule people who pushed Jaesa to the Dark Side but I will definitely make a fucking problem from people who lack the ability to UNDERSTAND the world they're playing in and its nuances. Ashara is fine. Her development is not worse than Ahsoka's - hell, she actually keeps to her views about the Jedi Order while Ahsoka, even though she actively rebelled against the Order, turns around later in life and still doesn't get why her Master had fallen. (If anybody here is badly developed it's Ahsoka in Mandalorian and Ahsoka TV shows. Her portrayal in Clone Wars animation showed that she had the greatest potential to understand all the wrongs of the Jedi Order, but no, Filoni was like "oh attachments make you vulnerable to fear". Shut the fuck up. The contradictions you are creating drives me mad!) Is Ashara's story a bit bland? Yes. But so is every other companions' in this game. After their recruitment you never get anything more meaningful so saying that "Xalek had a persona while Ashara didn't" is bullshit. The only true statement in this bad take is that Xalek deserved more than what he got. He is very interesting character and I hate it that he is just relegated to the "alien apprentice" whose name you are not allowed to respect. He sounds very dedicated and loyal when you speak to him, and I think he could be treated with much more care than he is. And the same is true for other companions too. Every single one of them deserved better, but Xalek specifically was treated like a decoration.
Ashara not having a persona. Seriously!? I constantly keep talking with her about the Force and stuff, and I saw how she behaved in the quest when we were recruiting her. I liked her approach and the way she was thinking about the Force and how she asked questions and rebelled against Jedi's bullshit. She has a personality of a Jedi rebel. That's it! Her not falling to the Dark Side is the feature not a mistake, dammit! It's very clear to me that someone mistook blodthirstiness for persona.
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swtorpadawan · 2 hours
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lana, theron, and prescience
One of Lana’s letters says Arkous felt a connection form between her and the player upon the moment of their meeting. Lana confirms it in the optional Rishi romance scene; “It’s like when we first met. I knew our fates were going to be intertwined completely”. It is implied that a similar bond springs into being when Lana encounters a Pub-side player – though Lana is less candid about it as they are loyal to opposing factions – but also that the same thing happened to her with Theron, offscreen on Maanan.
It’s not like the Force says 💛One True Work Husband💛 upon meeting Theron any more than it says ❤️Great Love Of Your Life❤️ or 💙Captain My Captain💙 or 💚Tea Buddy💚 about the player character. It’s just … this one. This one is important, pay attention. A whisper of future knowing without whys or whens or hows.
Nothing that Lana couldn’t ignore, if she chose to, but Lana trusts in the feelings she gets from the Force. She’s the one who reaches out to Theron initially, on Maanan. (Theron tells a Pub-side player that he’s received a message; Lana says that she senses the presence of a potential ally.)
On Ziost, after their original alliance has ended and while Theron is still nursing sore feelings about being trustfall dropped on Rishi, Lana seeks him out again. When the Republic and Empire have both surrendered to Zakuul and everything has gone to hell, Lana calls Theron up to join her seedling rebellion.
Much later, during the mess with the Order of Zildrog, we get to see Lana in murderous overcorrection mode. Theron was maybe the only person other than the Commander and herself who she didn’t suspect of being the mole. Even after he shoots her, Lana’s traitorous instincts are still telling her that traitorous Theron isn’t a traitor and Lana is so angry about that.
(Theron’s optional death on Nathema is something I’m inclined to write off as an unrealistic product of KotFEET’s delusion that “meaningful player choice” is providing endless opportunities to kill companion characters. Lana is stubborn and self-assured and has repeatedly blown past the player character’s objections to take what she believes is the best course of action; investigating Arkous even if you tell her not to, continuing to work with Theron even if you say it’s a bad idea, putting you in charge of the Alliance even if you don’t want it. Dragging Theron back to the shuttle with her regardless of the Commander’s objections would have been more in keeping with her character than abandoning him to die solely on their say-so.)
From my understanding, a Force bond is the manifestation within the Force of a connection that exists independently of it. Even artificially constructed bonds rather than spontaneous natural ones; after all, you wouldn’t make the decision to intentionally tie yourself to a person you had no connection with. Where things get weird is when Force precognition is added into the mix. You’re not tied to this person yet but in the kaleidoscope of the future there are a thousand possibilities where you will be. When you meet, the presence of what might be is so overwhelming that in the Force it can almost feel like what is.
Which is kind of awkward when one of your destined people turns out to be from the Republic. And also Force-blind so he has no idea what’s happened. And you let him get captured by Revanites and he takes it as a betrayal even though you didn’t mean it as one because you were certain he would survive.
Force bonds and precinct awareness aren’t necessarily markers of a positive relationship. If a person is liable to become your great nemesis whose life you will destroy as you destroy theirs before you die together with your hands around each other’s throats on a crashing ship like you’re the deuteragonists of an opera, obviously they will ping as someone of significant future import.
Theron registers to Lana as an ally, though, before they’ve even met. How could that not influence her behaviour? Lana doesn’t tell him because not being able to feel their connection means that he’s not affected by it in the way she is and because the knowing is an edge she has over him. Even though they have their little personal alliance, they still try to score over each other when the opportunity to aid the Empire at the expense of the Republic or vice versa presents itself. It’s just jostling though. Lana knows that Theron is Special and Important (and Hers). Imperial values hold that you must never hesitate to sacrifice people for the greater good of the Empire but Theron is much too Special and Important to justify loosing for any short-term gain. Theron is Lana’s Force-marked ally which makes him more useful to the Empire alive than dead.
But holding back to allow the Revanite’s to capture Theron isn’t sacrificing him because Theron will survive. Lana knows he’s been trained to resist integration, knows he’s been caught before and managed to turn the tables on those holding him. Either Theron will escape or Lana and their other allies will come for him. Lana would never truly abandon Theron unless forced to choose between him and the Empire; this is just her seizing the opportunity that has presented itself to them.
Theron doesn’t understand that though. Theron can’t feel the connection that marks him as Special and Important. He doesn’t know about the bond because Lana very intentionally failed to tell him, so he assumes that Lana was fully prepared to let him die. That Lana would be prepared to allow someone who was Special and Important (and Hers) to be tortured on short notice isn’t something that occurs to him. And that realisation is distressing for Lana because, even though she’s too proud and wary to admit it to Theron, she misjudged the consequences of her actions. She didn’t intend to break his trust in her. It’s important to Lana that Theron trust her because she trusts Theron.
(She doesn’t want them to die together as enemies on a ship crashing into an ocean moon. It may be terribly romantic in operas but in real life it’s just straight up terrible.)
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swtorpadawan · 6 hours
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Date Night 💗
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GET IT BOYS
Also my new favorite screenshot of Khano because it's so completely and totally Khano:
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Love them 💕
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swtorpadawan · 7 hours
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1) Love the references to the actual Agent Storyline 2) Watcher X didn’t hijack his mind… probably… 3) Interesting that Lana shut down the brainwashing programs… she’s usually too busy worrying about pragmatism to worry about Ethics.
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swtorpadawan · 8 hours
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There were some complications early on in their cooperation. 
And I’m pretty sure that the Dantooine Blue Tea is favored in part because it is blue. There is after all significantly less blue in Sha’s life outside of Ascendancy space.
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swtorpadawan · 10 hours
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emperor’s wrath + eyes
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swtorpadawan · 12 hours
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‘Jedi Cultural Immersion’, and why it should change EVERYTHING
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Read this, and consider the possibilities.  Jedi on Voss, actually learning from the Voss rather than preaching that the Voss should act like them. Jedi on Nar Shaddaa, joining one of the organized crime gangs. Jedi on Alderaan, learning from Kiliks.  Hell- this could justify MANDALORIAN JEDI.  Why wasn’t this a bigger deal?
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swtorpadawan · 14 hours
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A majorly cropped version of a smutty thing I drew today… but I want to keep my main tumblr smut-free… you know where to find the uncensored version. *cough*link*cough*
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swtorpadawan · 16 hours
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An angry tomato
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swtorpadawan · 17 hours
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you thought i'm done with tfu shitposting? wRoNg and i have more ( ꒦ິヮ꒦ິ)
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swtorpadawan · 20 hours
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I’ve just been introduced to the Loth Cat
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swtorpadawan · 22 hours
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Equivalent Exchange (a SWTOR story): Chapter 41: Good Soldiers Follow Orders
Equivalent Exchange by inyri
Fandom: Star Wars: The Old Republic Characters: Female Imperial Agent (Cipher Nine)/Theron Shan Rating: E (this chapter: M. Trigger warning: graphic violence, depictions of torture, body horror.) Summary: If one wishes to gain something, one must offer something of equal value. In spycraft, it’s easy. Applying it to a relationship is another matter entirely. F!Agent/Theron Shan. (Spoilers for Shadow of Revan and Knights of the Fallen Empire/Knights of the Eternal Throne.)
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Comments are always appreciated! Visit me at:
Archive of Our Own
Fanfiction Dot Net
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Author’s Note: Please note the trigger warnings. I had to step away from this for a little while (all right, more than a little while). Chapters are consecutive, of course, and as I posted the last one and moved to wrapping up this one I found life imitating art in a very, very uncomfortable way. I don’t talk a lot about my work for many reasons. Normally it’s not very exciting. And then there are the days that stay, the reminders that sometimes the world is deeply, viciously cruel in ways that are hard to process. As part of my work I met two men who were subjected to that cruelty, heard their stories, and helped care for them on their paths back home.
The first iterations of this series of scenes were very different from where we ended up. Nine and her team were far nastier at first, which wasn’t really true to her, and then I tried to make it funny which- well, obviously we can see the problem with that approach. So this is where we ended. It’s still an ugly chapter, but here we are.  
This chapter is dedicated to AD, AH, and all victims of torture. 
Good Soldiers Follow Orders
Theron follows her close as a shadow as they make their way from her ship across the base, dodging carefully around the first watch guards on their patrol routes. A month ago it would have been simple but a month ago they’d been sloppy; since then she’d ordered new watchposts set, new floodlights installed, locked down the turbolift platform to the valley below. There were so many other places to land a ship on Odessen, canyons and clearings and deep, dark forest far beyond the view of the towers, and it would have been far too easy for an infiltrator to sneak in.
Or one might simply use your landing bay. Valkorion’s armor gleams as an arc of light cuts across the path. In through the front door. All comers welcomed. Perhaps Arcann should-
The illusion shatters when she steps through it, the sentence left ominously unfinished. 
Second patrol. Third patrol. Through the external door on the heels of a pair of Sana-Rae’s adepts, weaving through the hall and crammed into the back corners of the lift with an absolutely massive Zabrak with a distinct half-ring of glitterstim around one nostril (she makes a mental note- the cantina’s more than necessary but if they’ve got a spice problem that’s another vulnerability they can’t afford), down the hallways into Science Wing and nearly to the lab- outside door’s open, good, but how’s she going to-
Shit.
She’s six steps ahead of herself in contingency plans as usual, mind racing, but that doesn’t matter worth a damn when she fucks up Step One. Stopping so abruptly he almost runs right into her, she grabs Theron by the wrist and pulls him into the darkest corner of an empty meeting room. His head tilts in silent confusion as she reaches toward the stealth generator clipped to his belt. I thought- he starts to sign, one hand raised. 
Switching, she replies, left-handed; pulling it free, she replaces it with hers. Backup has a shorter clock when the main’s off. If it overloads-
Theron nods. Bad. Right. Where should I stand?
Back- her fingers stutter as she considers (Void, she really isn’t thinking, is she? She needs to be. One mistake and the whole thing comes apart)- back left corner. You’ll have a five-count to get through the door before it closes, then don’t move and-
Don’t say anything. I know. He repeats the sign, an added emphasis. I promised. 
She rubs her forehead, trying and failing to settle the ache building between her eyes. I know. Come on. 
***
The inner laboratory door slides closed with a soft hiss, just muffling Theron’s last few footsteps as he settles carefully into the corner, and she lets her stealth field drop. 
“I got your message.” Nine forces the words out, forces strength into her voice as she sets the lock. She cannot falter, not now. “SCORPIO, give me the holo. Let’s get it opened up.”
“Commander.” Doctor Lokin looks up from across the room, setting a handful of instruments and an empty syringe- not all clean, she notes- neatly into place on a polished metal tray. Beside him, her would-be killer slumps forward against the treatment chair’s restraints, an intravenous catheter in his right arm and his lower body wrapped in a surgical dropcloth, head covered by black fabric and bound around the middle with thick strips of spacer’s tape. “We were just beginning.” 
[ sleepy already, cipher? but we’re only just beginning.
when hunter’s slap hits she startles bolt upright in the chair and then wishes she hadn’t, her ribs shifting beneath the straps like so many shattered potsherds as she grinds her teeth to keep from screaming. she’s screamed so much already and she won’t give him the satisfaction of another, won’t-
hunter gestures- toward the woman, she thinks, it’s getting hard to see now with her face so bruised. let’s wake her up, hm? ah, no- something cold and metallic tightening on her right index finger- the other hand, to start. now the left side, still the index finger, tighter and tighter and oh void it hurts it hurts it hurts she’s got to say something or it-
i’m telling you, she gasps, when those reinforcements get here from- and there’s a sharp snap and she can’t help it and she screams-
keep singing, little bird. I do so hate to have to break your pretty wings.]
Her hand throbs.
“I didn’t tell you to start without me.” Her stomach churns even as she curls her fingers into an easy fist, testing their movement; she couldn’t do that for a month after Corellia so it’s only the memory of pain, isn’t it? “And how long has that tape been on? We need his eyes open, not swollen shut. It’s too fucking tight.”
“If you’re referring to this-” Lokin lifts a pair of bloody-gripped forceps with one finger and a long-suffering look- “your knife tipped his saphenous, and I assumed you would prefer he not hemorrhage before you had the chance to work. I’ve only just run the amytal in, nothing more. But,” he squints at the rings of tape, flips a vibroscalpel from the tray into his palm and before she can even begin to move he slices through the binding neatly, once and then again, “you aren’t wrong. SCORPIO restrained him while I was busy with his leg, but I ought to have-”
SCORPIO turns from the console, shoulders lifting in what might have been a shrug. “My primary directive on Odessen remains operational security, Commander. He cannot share what he cannot see.”
“Yes, but-” 
One of the wall-mounted monitors beeps, shrill and insistent, until Lokin prods it with a gloved finger and it lapses into red-flashing silence. “He’s starting to wake. Shall we?”
Void, she hates interrogations. (She used to be good at them once, when she was younger and followed orders better. She used to be good at them because of course , why waste precious time on subtleties when you can simply pry and bend and break and it all comes out in the end either way- maybe in pieces, yes, but that was just another puzzle to solve if one was clever enough, even if it was messier-
Orders were orders. 
She used to be good at them once. Before Corellia.)
“Is Lana coming? She’s covering for me with Sana-Rae, I think, but-”
She turns too quickly as the door opens behind her and as she spins the room tips sideways and then it starts to spin, too; pausing midstep, she grabs at the nearer benchtop to steady herself, her left hand raised as a counterbalance. Lana clears the doorway in two steps, the worry lines across her forehead deepening. 
“I’ve got you,” Lana murmurs. “We’ve just finished, and I had a feeling you might-” she only wrinkles her nose a little as she glances toward the instrument table- “want my help with this.”
When she nods the world shifts unpleasantly anticlockwise. “Yes. Dialing out blind on his holo’s a losing proposition. With any luck he’ll talk, but I’m not counting on it and we haven’t got the time to wear him down.” Pressing her lips together against a wave of nausea, she inhales. Exhales. Inhales. The spinning slows. 
“Physical methods, then?”
She shakes her head- oh, Force, there it goes again- inhale. Exhale. “Just tell me what you see. I’ve been bled on enough today, and if we push too hard-”
“Does it matter? You can’t possibly intend to let him-” at her gesture Lana lowers her voice, just above a whisper- “walk away from this. An attack, here, on you- there have to be consequences.”
“Do I look like a Jedi to you? You know me better than that.” When she says it Lana snorts and rolls her eyes and to be fair she has a point- of course she has a point- but a misstep now could be the last strand of a rope to hang herself by, the final block knocked loose that brings the whole tower crashing down, and she can afford that far less than to give away a shred of undeserved mercy. “You’re a step ahead of me, that’s all. I need the who before I decide the what.”
Lana sighs. “I know. I only- I defer to you, Commander. It’s your decision.”
“Maybe, or maybe it’s Trant’s. But we won’t know until we know, and-” another warning chime from the monitors; another warning look from Lokin. “We’re running out of time. And when we’ve finished I’ve still got to talk to Koth and Senya, and-”
“Already postponed, and that can wait in any case. There’s nothing to discuss that won’t keep for a day. We’ll call them once we’re in transit,” Lana eyes her up and down, “after another round of kolto.”
“I’m fine. ”
“Liar.” Lana’s hand comes to rest beneath her lifted arm; with the world still half-spinning she’d have missed the subtle pulse of energy if Lana hadn’t flinched when their fingertips meet. “Force help me, you’re not - I’ll take it over, Nine. I’ll… I can do it. You should rest.”
“No.” When she shakes her head the room stays level now, at least. It’s something. “No. This is my mess to sort out. Just lock the door.”
***
Five minutes later all she’s got out of him is a slurred sequence of names, ranks, and serial numbers ( lying , Lana says each time from her perch behind the chair, though she knew that long before she said it) and the unwavering gut-punch certainty that the man is an SIS agent. With so little actual information to go on and their databases two years out of date- when Theron gleft he’d downloaded what he could but slicing back into the mainframe to sync them’s a risk none of them are willing to take right now- trying to find a name for her attacker’s useless, with dozens of dossiers a partial match to the same physical parameters: average height, average build, Underlevels accent, Republic emblems tattooed on biceps and back and another handful laser-faded to barely visible outlines. With half the Republic’s infantry dredged up from the Coruscant undercity’s gangs and prisons and half the SIS (and nearly all of SpecOps) poached from the army, she could have shot into the Dealer’s Den or the Red Rancor on a Primesday night and hit five clones of him in a straight line between the door and the bar.
She studies his face from every angle, waiting for a memory to trigger, and- no, still nothing, barely a nod in the corridor or a passing glance in the mess line. Three weeks on Odessen and the man’s practically a ghost, an traceless alias for a name and a ride hitched on a transport from Port Nowhere. Granted, both she and Theron had been off-planet most of that time, but stars, if this one got in so easily how many more could?
That’s a problem for another day. It has to be. 
But for now SCORPIO runs the serials, just for the sake of thoroughness, and- ah. Those faces she knows: Corella, six years ago; a Coruscanti gala, bloodstains on a black dress; Dromund Kaas, only a month or two before Zakuul. 
She just hadn’t known their real names, then. It wouldn’t have mattered if she had. 
Orders were orders.
“So you’re ten dead men in a trenchcoat, then? And you’re wrong about that last one, by the way. That was probably Cipher Four. I’ve never been to Ord Mantell.” She pushes his commpad away with a scowl. The damned thing’s wiped clean- all the more likely he’d spoken to Trant within the last half-day, then; that was a lesson from Alderaan that only the Director ought to have learned. With enough time they could have recovered it, but they don’t have time. So she turns back to him instead, her thumb and index finger poised on closed eyelids gone puffy from the pressure of the binding. “Last chance to make this easier on yourself. When did you last hear from Marcus Trant?”
“More’n ten. Way more.” His words are less slurred now, the serum finally taking effect, and Lana sits up straighter. “‘nd hells take your easier . You’re gonna kill me anyway, so-” 
Void, why are they always so insistent on dying?
She doubts he can see her, so she just adds a twinge of melodrama to her sigh. “Not necessarily, agent. You tried to murder me. Naturally, I objected-” a little more pressure on his eye, just enough that he starts to shift against the restraining strap- “but if I really wanted you dead I’d have let you use your kill pill instead of wasting perfectly good antitoxin on you. I can be civil if you can.” 
Lana closes her eyes, focused and still.
“To be clear, you’re alive as a means to an end and it’s in your best interest to cooperate. But you and I know how it goes, don’t we?” When she lifts her open hand SCORPIO presses the holotransmitter into her palm. “Good soldiers follow orders. It’s not personal. You were only doing as you’re told.” She leans in closer, knee jostling against his mended leg just a little harder than necessary as the paper drape crinkles, voice lowered in a simulacrum of confidence. “Stars, I remember those days. He sits in his big office and sics you on a target, unclips your leash and you just- well. Ours not to reason why, hm?”
The cuff around his right wrist clinks against the arm of the chair as he makes an obscene gesture. 
Wrong tactic. Well, then.
Her sigh’s loud enough to make him flinch. “And it was all wrong, wasn’t it? All that planning, all that time pacing, writing a five-line message that he never even saw, all for nothing?” His breath stills, his heart rate spikes, and Lokin hooks another syringe to the IV port and slowly pushes the plunger down. “DId you think I wouldn’t see? I’d almost feel sorry for you if it wasn’t so utterly pathetic.”
His head lolls forward against the restraint, a counterpressure against her hand. 
“Oh, no, no.” Shifting, she pushes him back upright with two fingertips in the center of his forehead. “Not yet. Not until-”
“I almost got you.” His mouth contorts- it might have passed for a grin in a darker room, teeth bared, feral-  and something in his voice makes her hair stand on end. She recoils, pulling her hand away from his face even as he pauses. “So fucking close. Just a few more seconds and I’d’ve bled you dry, Cipher, and then I’d-”
(The words barely register; he’s not the first and certainly not the most creative person to threaten her with postmortem indecencies but somehow they always think it’s going to shock her into silence, as though it’s the single most awful thing that could ever happen when she’s lived through far worse horrors and more to the point she wouldn’t even know, she’d be dead).   
“-see enough and you know Shan’d come running- Force, that would’ve been even better, the look on his traitor face even if it was the wrong way round-”
wait. 
WAIT.
no, Trant wouldn’t have- 
When she blinks she sees it all in the span of a millisecond: half a hundred ways it could have gone, half a hundred indignities inflicted, half a hundred times it breaks Theron for just long enough for the blow to fall. Lana must see something else; she makes the smallest little sound, a muffled gasp of disgust covered over by knuckles cracking in clenched-fisted fury and then a snarled Sith curse she doesn’t understand (but Valkorion clearly does- she isn’t wrong, he murmurs ) and it brings her back to herself. 
Her comm buzzes; her eyes flick down toward the screen. 
<ask him about belsavis>
Kicking him for breaking comm silence would be counterproductive, she supposes, but what does Belsavis have to do with anything? If Theron knows his name he ought to have just said so, not making her work harder than she already is.
< don’t know him but think I know the unit> <told Marcus it was a bad idea> <don’t think he listened>
That would explain the burned-off tattoos. Stars, has the SIS truly become that desperate? Or was this another Garza project- some experiment likely as not to fail just as Eclipse Squad had, so why waste frontline troops when the Republic had a whole planet full of froth-mouthed maniacs more than happy to keep killing as the cost of their freedom and if things did go bad, well, they were going to die one way or another so what did it matter?   
Then SCORPIO blinks once, head turning toward her comm and then, slower, toward the corner and oh, damn it all-
“Didn’t think the SIS went in for necrophilia,” she says conversationally, covering her mouth over a particularly exaggerated yawn as Lokin barely stifles a snort. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell the Jedi. I am curious, though- did you pick that up on Belsavis, or was that why they locked you up in the first place?”
His teeth clench. 
“Piracy? Hm, no. Some flavor of war crime, I’m sure- oh, I know. Fragged your CO, I’d bet. You’ve got that sort of look.”
“Onomatophobia. Go fuck yourself.”
(She’d come at it all wrong, hadn’t she? 
She’d thought this wasn’t personal because for her it wasn’t. Okay, fine, with Trant maybe it is, now, but this is no old enemy. She only hurt him to start with because he cut her first and deeper and even Theron doesn’t know his name- and stars know his memory’s brilliant, to judge by his stories he remembers everyone he ever worked with and it was far harder for him when they weren’t all just Minder Ten and Fixer Twelve and Watcher Three. The garotte alone might have been sheer bloody-mindedness in a way she wouldn’t have expected from the SIS, but even the Republic for all its supercilious moralizing had its fair share of sadists; Hunter hadn’t truly been one of them but they’d certainly all thought so at the time and still they’d all turned their heads, every single time, even when she’d screamed until her voice gave out.
Of course her control word was in her Republic file. He wasn’t the only one to try to use it, the first ones in earnest and then, when she’d shredded enough of them into bloody little pieces that they realized it didn’t didn’t hold her any more, as a vicious sort of mockery. That worked a bit, she supposes; maybe it always will. Not well enough to save them, of course.
She’d thought it wasn’t personal, that orders were orders and he’d come after Theron because he had to. But stars, she’d been out of the game for five fucking years and he’s practically got her dossier memorized, errors and all, and he’d called Theron a traitor and the first time she really pushes his buttons he-
Oh, this was very personal.)
“No,” she says, and breathes, trying to untie the panic-knot tightening in her chest, “I don’t think I will.” Snatching up a scalpel from the instrument tray as her voice wavers, she presses its tip, just so, beneath his chin. “You thought you were close? Close only counts in horseshoes and heavy ordnance, puppy, and that and a slip of my hand’ll buy you an unmarked grave. And-” he’s trying not to move, trying not to flinch. A single bead of blood wells up beneath the blade and stars, it’d be so easy, just one little movement and stay calm stay calm stay calm- “you still haven’t answered my question. When did you last hear from Marcus Trant?”
Lana exhales as her gaze comes back into focus, lip curling. Whatever she saw, she didn’t like it. “Today. It was today. But beyond that-”
“It’s good enough.” It was never going to be that easy. “SCORPIO, you don’t still have Belsavis census access, do you?” 
A yellow flash, and then- “I am no longer tethered to Ward 23, and what I retained is long out of date. Proximity would be required.”
“Never mind. We’ll move on to the holo, then. Doctor?”
“Ready.” Lokin nods approvingly as she sets the scalpel down. “Retractor?”
“Retractor, please. Left eye.”
One click. Two clicks. Three.  
The ‘pub squirms, fighting the restraining strap in earnest as he tries to blink against the cold metal instrument. “What are you-” his pupil constricts until she shifts the operating light away- “you gonna take my eyes now, Cipher? Keep ‘em in a jar somewhere, or-”
The holo’s scanner locks on as she holds it level with his forced-open eye. “No, thank you.  I never was much for souvenirs.” 
It chimes cheerfully as it comes to life in her hand; she flips idly through the settings. The user ID’s a string of alphanumeric gibberish, the message system’s not set up and the whole thing’s still on factory default but she’d expected all of that. It’s almost certainly a burner. The call log’s intact, though, with four time-stamped entries. One: incoming but barely five seconds long, likely a functionality test. Not useful. Two: outgoing, eighteen days old. Confirmation of arrival? That’s a Coruscanti subnet, but that could be a handler. Three: outgoing, one day old, to the same address as the second- they’d landed back from Nar Shaddaa by then. 
Four: incoming. Coruscant again, but a different address. One minute and six seconds duration. 
Two and a half hours ago. 
He said he’d call it off, Void damn him. If Trant kept his word and she’s wrong, if she burns the last thin strands of the bridge between Theron and everything he ever believed in to ashes and she’s wrong-
( He did say he would call them. Reflected in the freezer’s glass door, Valkorion tilts his head contemplatively. And tell them what?
He said- 
he said-
[-but those last few breaths last longer if you don’t struggle, don’t they? You’ll figure that out soon enough.]
For the first time she can remember there is something like approval in his smile. So you did hear it, he says. But oh, little Cipher, you didn’t listen.)     
She gestures to Lana and Lokin, pointing with two fingers at each one in turn and then the door with a snap of her wrist that sets it throbbing. “All of you but SCORPIO, clear the room. Now.”
Lana blinks but it’s Lokin who speaks first. “Commander, if I may? If you plan to proceed further, the subject may require additional stabilizing mea-”
“Wait outside until I call for you. That’s an order.”
He’s halfway to the door before Lana starts to move from the benchtop and even then she pauses beside her as she passes, one hand on her shoulder and her mouth lowered level with her ear. “You’re not getting Valkorion involved? I know you’d rather not dial out blind, but I thought I felt-”
“I’m not,” she murmurs in reply. “On either count. But if this goes bad I don’t want you in the room when it does.”  
“All right.” The sheer force of disapproval contained in Lana’s sigh might have leveled buildings; it isn’t all right and they both know it but it’s far too late to argue over it now. “Should I go and find Theron, then? I can think of some excuse to keep him with me until you’ve finished.”
They both startle at the sound of SCORPIO’s voice. “Unnecessary. He is-” her heart stops as the droid’s eyes flicker- “secure.”
“We can’t be certain of that. He still doesn’t know, does he? If there’s a second-”
“I see many things that you do not, Lord Beniko.” Five metallic fingers uncurl ceilingward (not toward the corner; her heart stutters, then resumes). “I am perfectly certain.”
Lips pressed together, nostrils flared, Lana grits her teeth against a retort before she simply continues toward the exit. “Then I will wait,” she says, a sparking halo of electricity coiling around her words as the door slides shut behind her, “until I am needed.” 
And then the room is quiet save the beeping monitors, the ‘pub’s ragged breathing and the sharp rattle of his restraints, and Nine glances sidelong at SCORPIO as she settles herself carefully in the blind spot on his right. “Be nice.”
“Error. Program file: nice not found.” 
She must have iterated again; the sarcasm’s new. Rolling her eyes, she glances down at her comm again. 
< Also, you are welcome.>
She flicks an ironic salute toward the droid and that too makes her wrist ache. More time in the tank, then, on the way to Voss. More time lost that she can’t afford and a favor owed that she probably can’t afford either- stars know SCORPIO’s kept secrets for her well enough through the years but she’s no particular fondness for Theron; the last time he’d cracked a joke about needing a processor update she’d signal-locked his implant to play That Slippery Little Hutt Of Mine on repeat for forty-three minutes straight until half his face was twitching and he’d finally apologized- but hopefully that can be negotiated. Ongoing access to the network, maybe. Lana will fuss and she’ll be right, but if that message had gone through unintercepted they all know what it might have meant. It’s a small enough price.
“If you’re done arguing-” the ‘pub’s slurring again. He’s burning through the serum faster than she’s ever seen- “either get this thing off me or-”
If he keeps that up she may as well not bother with the call. She ought to have known better than to think that he’d say much of anything useful but his ranting’s absolutely tedious; they’re going to need to gag him after all, aren’t they? It wasn’t supposed to be that sort of interrogation, but she also hadn’t particularly expected him to- oh, if he calls her that one more time she might just stab him after all. (Like he’s got any room to criticize- all her old sins could overfill an archive but at least she’s not a stars-damned corpsefucker.) “Shh.” When she tilts her head toward it SCORPIO picks up the spacer’s tape and tears a strip from the roll, pressing it firmly over his mouth until th+e noise quiets into muffled incomprehensibility. “That’s quite enough out of you, I think.“
Hm. That brings to mind a better idea, actually. 
“Do we have enough input for a voiceprint? Something like this?” Tapping a brief message into her commpad, she sends it through to SCORPIO. Only a few lines, but if it truly is Trant on the other end of the connection it should be enough to be certain.
It has to be enough.
She doesn’t look toward the corner. She mustn’t look toward the corner. 
“Way more than enough.” It’s near enough a perfect mimic. SCORPIO folds her arms smugly and the ‘pub goes grey. “Prepared for playback.”
“On my signal, then, but give me a twenty second delay on video.” Her fingers twitch despite themselves, tingling at the tips; she forces her breathing into rhythm. (Lana was right. She isn’t fine. 
Lana was always right. But she doesn’t have a choice.) 
Inhale. “And prep the package files for transmission on verbal command. No passcode.” Exhale.
A pause, a flash of scarlet. Inhale. “Yes, Commander.”
Exhale. 
Inhale. She smooths her hair back, adjusts her collar carefully under her chin, slaps both cheeks briskly with closed fingers to bring a little color into them and even that little jolt rattles her brain inside her skull. She considers, briefly, the backs of her eyelids. That seems to help. Exhale. 
The far corner remains quiet. 
She lifts the holo in line with the ‘pub’s eye once more as his pupil shimmers finely from side to side; they’d definitely pushed the dose too high but even so it’s far faster than it ought to be, chasing some other vice out of his system, and the camera struggles, beeping and chirping error after error until finally it locks on. 
Inhale. Exhale. 
She meets SCORPIO’s gaze, scrolls back to the end of the call log, and presses redial. 
Inhale.
“Connecting.” The tinny synthetic voice of the SIS operator sets her nerves on edge. “Connecting.” Come on, pick up-
The channel opens with a click and she nods, lets her breath out into the following silence before the voiceprint begins.
“It’s done. Shan and the Cipher. Wrong way ‘round, but-”
“Well-” the video delay goes both ways but she doesn’t need it, she’s heard Marcus Trant’s voice in so many briefings it’s burned into her brain; the last brittle shard of hope she’d clung to shatters and leaves her with nothing left but rage. How dare he- “it’s about fucking time.”
Oh, she is going to end him.
***
Nine’s body language shifts then, her spine rigid where she’d been starting to hunch forward in fatigue, her hands fisted, fingernails digging hard into her palms. Her stance settles, just a little wider, forward on her toes; her chin lifts. He can’t see her face, still angled toward the prisoner. 
“Send the photo confirmation, then execute extraction- and get your video on. Where are you?” Force, he’s going to throw up. Even when Jonas told him, even after hearing Marcus with his own ears he hadn’t wanted to believe it. He’d called it off. It had to be a mistake- or maybe Nine’s paranoia got the better of her (and he knows why and he doesn’t fault her, she can’t help Valkorion in her head and the poison he’s feeding her day after day after day) and this was just another shadow to peer into. Dragged into the light, it would have been nothing at all. A mistake. A mistake. 
She nods to the droid once again. “ Just a few more seconds. Bad connection but I’ve almost got it.” 
He shudders. The copywork’s uncanny and he knows for sure that’s not all readback. If SCORPIO gets it in her head to playact as one of them, starts giving orders in Lana’s voice or Koth’s or his own? He’s no reason to think she would, but whatever loyalty she seems to owe starts and ends with Nine. They’ve got to talk about it, at least.  
Nine angles away from their prisoner, raises the comm chest-high as the little hologram springs up in the hollow of her hand. He can see her better now, her face blank and beautiful and perfectly, utterly cold, and then she smiles and- 
(He has spent far more time than he’d ever admit to, from Rishi to Ziost to Zakuul to tonight, every hit and hurt and shattered bone and her bloody armor left in a pile again and again on the medbay floor, being scared for Nine. 
This might be the first time he’s honestly been scared of her.)
“Hello, Director,” she says. “We’ve really got to stop meeting like this.”
It’s only a little flinch, but it’s there. “Cipher. Still alive, I see.”
“Commander. You lied to me, Marcus. You know what happens now.”
“I think you’ll find that I didn’t.” 
Every syllable of her laughter’s a rifle shot, clear and piercing. “Yes, yes. You said you’d call, and you did.” By his posture he’s caught and he knows it, back straight, shoulders set. “But you know perfectly well that wasn’t our agreement. To go by the way Theron spoke of you I’d have thought you an honorable man, but-”
Marcus lifts one hand, a futile placation as Nine’s mocking smile fades back into hard-eyed silence. “I really am sorry about Theron, for what little it’s worth. He-”
“You’re sorry?” That wasn’t a laugh, not quite, halfway caught in her broken throat. “You’re certainly about to be, but Theron’s fine. This puppy was just as stupid as the last one- worse, actually, since he got himself caught in the bargain.” She turns her body, lets the camera capture the prisoner behind her straining against the chair straps in wide-eyed muffled fury. “He never got anywhere close to Theron.”
“He knows, then?” (He still can’t see Marcus’ face. He isn’t sure whether he wants to.)
She shrugs, noncommittal. “One thing at a time.” Her free hand gestures vaguely toward the instrument tray. “I’ve been a bit busy, I’m afraid, and now I’ve got all these dossiers to send off-”    
“I’d suggest some time in kolto first. You don’t look at all well, Cipher.”
“Commander.” When she blinks her eyes stay closed half a second too long and she sways back and forth and stars, she needs to sit down before she falls over but she’s too stubborn to let anyone see her hurting. He knows her tells now, though- her jaw clenches, her left hand curls and uncurls. “Five years in carbonite couldn’t kill me. You honestly thought a garotte would be enough?”
“No,” Marcus says softly. “Not really. But we make do with what we have, don’t we?”
“I suppose we do. SCORPIO, transmit file Eclipse . Full recipient list.”
One red flash, two green. “Transmission complete.”
(She really did it. Oh, fuck, she really, actually did it. 
He should never have gone home. He should never have gone-  
It isn’t home. Not any more.) 
Marcus sighs. “Where?”
“Everywhere.” Nine looks up abruptly as one of the monitors sounds yet again; she reaches up and simply shuts it off completely and at this angle he can finally see properly, both of their faces in profile. “Every reputable news service in the Core Worlds and about half of the disreputable ones, so you may want to warn your receptionist. I suspect your switchboard’s about to melt.”
“She’ll handle it, and Eclipse Squad was Elin’s mess. I’m afraid I can’t comment. Now, if we’re finished-”
“We are not. Transmit file Legate. Full list. Call it off. Now.”
One red flash, two green, and Marcus winces, his composure finally breaking. “Are you out of your fucking mind? No one came out of that clean, you least of all.”
“I might be.” A knock at the door- no, it’s there, not here, and a comm chiming. “But Legate died in a warehouse collapse on Quesh, poor thing, though with all those warheads going up at once confirming it was quite impossible. Pity.”
A single vein pulses across his forehead. 
“Call it off.”
Another knock. “Do you think Theron will believe that?”
“He doesn’t need to. He knows about the Castellan restraints- he’s known for years.” She glances, for the smallest fraction of a second, toward his corner. “I think he’ll understand if I blur the truth a little.” 
(He nods before he remembers she can’t see him. Of course he understands. He wishes she hadn’t done it, wishes she hadn’t needed to do any of this, but of course he understands.)
The room goes quiet, the stillness broken only by restraint buckles clinking against the chair frame. 
“Do you think he’ll believe this?” 
The angle of her head’s a wordless question. 
“What wouldn’t you do to bring down an enemy? The head of the SIS, no less.” The framing of the projection changes, the bottom edge of a screen coming into view as he stands up slowly from his desk. Marcus’d always lived at the office, one of so many bad habits he’d passed down to him over all the years they’d worked together (the work always comes first, he’d said. It always will. It will take everything you can give to it and then it will take more and you’ll swear and shout and threaten to quit. And then you won’t, because this is what we were made for. And that is how we win). “It’s everything you ever worked toward. So: a foiled assassination attempt in your own base- how terrible.” He clicks his tongue, a mocking little tsk. “You’d have to retaliate, and who would fault you?”
Nine’s eyes narrow. 
“But if it came out that you set it all up- a few intercepted messages, perhaps, shared by an old friend-”
Her lips draw back from her bared teeth. “Stay away from him.”
“I’m finished,” Marcus says. “I know that. But that doesn’t mean you get to win. Once a iiar, always a liar, Cipher Nine. Who do you think he’ll believe- you? Or me?”
No. He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t . Not that it would have made a difference, but Marcus couldn’t have known that- Force, he really is going to throw up.
(When Theron joined the SIS he was seventeen years old and every adult he’d known for more than a galactic standard month had abandoned him, sold him out or simply sold him at the first sign he’d outgrown his usefulness. It took nearly a year on Coruscant, nearly a year of steady paychecks and a bed to sleep in every night, before he owned more clothes than he could fit into a go bag; it took almost two before he stopped apologizing for asking for equipment. But Marcus never gave up on him, even when he fucked up (which back then was more often than not), even when he bristled and snapped like a half-wild animal, even when he wanted to give up on himself. If Master Zho had been the nearest thing he’d known to a father- stars knows it wasn’t Jace, especially not now- Marcus had come close too, once.
Once.)
She takes a deep breath. She’s fading fast, now, hands tremulous even as she’s fighting to keep the holo steady. He can’t just sit here and watch this, he can’t, he can’t-    
“Her,” Theron says, letting the stealth field drop as he takes a step forward and she spins, startled, at the sound of his voice. It comes out as a gasp; he doesn’t even know how long he’s been holding his breath. ”Who do I believe? Her. Always.”
Marcus buckles like he’s been gut-shot, bracing himself against his desk. “You- you said you hadn’t told him yet. You said-”
“I think you’ll find that I didn’t.” Nine smiles, absolutely feral and absolutely beautiful, and he steadies her with one hand at the small of her back. “Though as you can see, I really have been busy.”
The last time he saw that look on his face was the day the blockade went up around Coruscant. “Hello, Theron.”
“Hello, Marcus.”
He sits back into his chair, heavy, elbows resting on the desktop. “This office would have been yours, you know. You were ready for it. But you’re on the wrong side of the war.”
“Which war?” Nine says it at the same time he does and then she dips her head, ever so slightly- you first. “We’re here fighting Zakuul. We’re here fighting Arcann,” he continues, “and we’re finally winning. I know you know that. I know Jace knows that, and I know you’re both still fighting the same fucking war against the Empire that you’ve been fighting since before I was born because for you that’s the only thing that matters. But I’m not.”
“You dare-”
“I made my choice,” he says softly.  “Now you make yours. Are you going to drag the whole SIS down with you?”
Marcus rests his head in his hands. For a moment it’s the day after the Ascendant Spear, the day after Ziost, the day after Tython, the weight of a thousand impossible choices and ten thousand lies pressing down on him, and then he looks up and shakes his head. “No.” He sighs. “No, I’m not. What happens now?”
“Resign,” Nine murmurs. “Retire. Disappear before the Senate comes for you, or let them scapegoat you: I don’t care what you do, but you will call this off. You will do it now, and if I ever have reason to doubt you- if anyone from the Republic so much as breathes harm in Theron’s direction- the Ralltiir file goes public.”
Someone’s pounding on his office door, a woman’s voice shouting something incomprehensible as he reaches out of frame, and then a few moments later a series of four tones in a cadence burned into his own memory- send message; subnet selected; confirm?-
Message sent. 
The holotransmitter in Nine’s hand chimes. 
“Done. Now, if there’s nothing else?”
Nine turns once more (and he turns with her, careful) to put their prisoner back into frame. “What do you want me to do with him? I’d put him back on Belsavis if I was you, but-”
Marcus stands up abruptly, even as he makes a face as she says Belsavis, at the unmistakable sound of a single round of blaster fire and the hiss of a door sliding open. “Elin,” he snaps, “not now -”
“Yes, now.” General Garza’s got a blaster pistol in one hand and a commpad in the other when she crosses into camera view. “I just got a fucking call from the fucking- oh.” She cranes her neck toward the projector. “Well, we can fix that problem, at least-”
The call disconnects abruptly.
Nine sags against him, exhausted. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, “I know I promised-” 
“Commander.” He’d nearly forgotten SCORPIO was still at the console until she speaks, and he’s never heard that tone from her before; he looks sharply up at her and follows her sightline. The prisoner’s sitting bolt-straight, back rigid, eyes wide, and a high-pitched whine like a drill through durasteel shrills warning from somewhere that isn’t his mouth- “Commander, get down!”
All Theron can do is drop where they’re standing, his body a shield over Nine’s, before there’s an awful wet noise and the smell of blood and something else familiar in his nose, hot and metallic and not his and not hers and even though he knows he shouldn’t he looks up again and oh, fuck-
The lab door slides open and Doctor Lokin comes running into the room, Lana just behind with her lightsaber blazing, and they both stop short at the sight of it, at the ‘pub still strapped into the chair with half his head just gone and at him and Nine on the blood-spattered floor.
“What- who-” Lana covers her mouth with her free hand. “What in the Void happened?”
Nine’s shaking so hard she can barely move; he curls her close against him to keep her upright. “Not me,” she whispers. “Not me.”
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swtorpadawan · 23 hours
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¯\_(ツ)_/¯  
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swtorpadawan · 24 hours
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Hey there! It's been a hot minute! Life has had its ups and downs but I'm getting back into things! I'll be posting more often I hope! How's everyone doing?
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swtorpadawan · 1 day
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thinking once again about my sith warrior like...i made a paladin. basically that is what i did. and i love it SO MUCH. she is Just and Noble and Kind but she is also, i must repeat, a sith warrior. she says "i can be very persuasive" and is EXTREMELY confused as to why satele shan thought she meant she was going to torture someone. her grudge against the jedi is borne out of extremely energetic pointing "HEY REMEMBER THE GREAT HYPERSPACE WAR WHERE YOU TRIED TO GENOCIDE US." dromund kaas might be a nightmare hell jungle but it is HER nightmare hell jungle. she outsources all her military strategizing to her husband quinn. she took his last name when they married despite being an Entire Sith.
yaellia quinn, y'all. the live-action 6-season series of her adventures that exists in my dreams is epic.
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swtorpadawan · 1 day
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theron background headcanons
Theron is Force-blind in somewhat of a more legally-blind than totally-blind way. Low-key environmental ambience doesn’t register to him at all, but he can tell when somebody is doing the equivalent of waving a strobe-light in his face. It’s nowhere near enough for the subtle senses Jedi skills require, but the Sith tend to be louder in the Force – consciously bombastic where Jedi are naturalistic – so Theron can occasionally sense when one of them is doing something especially melodramatic.
Theron gained an impressive variety of skills and experiences during his itinerant childhood but no lasting close social connections apart from Ngani Zho – not even among the Jedi. The longer Theron failed to exhibit any signs of being Force-sensitive the more obvious it became that it was the result of Theron not actually being Force-sensitive and other Jedi began to point that out to Zho. Zho was heavily in denial about Theron’s Force-blindness because of what it would mean and started actively avoiding the Order so nobody could challenge his delusion.
Theron spent a lot of time thinking about what he would say to Zho if they ever met again after Zho sent him away on Haashimut. In the end Theron never said any of it because when he finally met Zho again it was to discover that the man who had raised him was living in a fantasy where Theron was totally Force-sensitive, had absolutely become a Jedi Knight, and had spent the decade Zho had disappeared for palling around with his mother on Jedi adventures.
After a few weeks being housed with the Jedi Initiates while the Masters on Haashimut settled on what to do with him, Theron was passed off into foster care. The Galactic Republic doesn’t have anything close to a unified foster system; the variance as to what constitutes appropriate child-rearing practices and unnecessary administrative burden of trying to run a unified system make it far more practical to handle it at a local level. However, in the aftermath of the Great Galactic War virtually all of local care organisations were underfunded and overwhelmed with war orphans and child refugees. Theron slipped away before he aged out and spent the next couple of years drifting. When he was sixteen, he stumbled into a SIS operation and saved an agent from a mutated Orpali dragon which brought him to the attention of the then Mid-Rim Director Marcus Trant.
Theron consciously worked to strip himself of obviously Jedi ticks after joining the SIS. The casual references to the Force, the bowing, the falling into the base stances of Shi-Cho. They were potentially dangerous identifying tells, but he also just wanted to stop people asking about it.
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swtorpadawan · 1 day
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Famous last words, I’m telling you
cipher and i went to go record and replay some kotfe (in jed’s actual canon outfit now) but i couldn’t help myself to making it ridiculous as possible
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