#it just feels so unnecessary to do all that sober when i could also do it high | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

seriesxwriting · 1 year

Text

Give us a chance

W Rafe Cameron

Series- outer banks!

Summary- He’s been ignoring you lately? But now you and Rafe get stranded in the middle of the sea. Just you two. Alone. You can’t both hide your feelings foreverrr.

Warnings- swearing, kissing, Rafe saving your character from boys taking advantage.

(No season three spoilers in this)

Request are open for all and anything🫶

“Are you serious right now” Rafe stormed over to me pulling me away from some guys lap. I don’t even know who he was but- alcohol makes you do stupid things. “Rafe- get off me” I giggled pushing him away from me. “Are you serious y/n” “what are you moaning about now” my eyes rolled as my arms folded. I tried to look at him but my eyes began falling shut.

“Your fucking hammered- you can barely stand up” he stepped over catching me with one arm around my waist. “That’s because you dragged me up from my seat too fast” I raised my eyebrows at him. “I’m taking you home” “Rafe no! I’m havi- having fun” I shook my head trying to pull back.

“Y/n!” “Why! Why are you taking me home why are you looking out for me- you do it all the time I see you watching me at parties, you’ve been watching me all night here” I frowned raising my voice slightly. “Because we’re friends” he frowned stepping close to me again.

“We were friends!” I scoffed, turning away from him as my eyes filled up with tears. “Before you so randomly started blowing me off and ignoring me- I’m not leaving with you unless you tell me why”. Rafe stared at me blankly before bringing his hand up to rub the side of his head. “Fine we will talk but on the way home” he bargained with me throwing me a stern look.

I gazed around at the rest of the party on the little near by island we had found. “Fine- how did you get here” “my boat” Rafe nodded his head towards it. “Come on- on then” I stirred spinning around a bit too fast, as I took my first step my legs began to wobble. Rafe lifted me in one Swift move, holding me in his arms walking to the boat.

“Unnecessary” I whispered wrapping my arms around his neck, kind of liking being up here. He stoped at the steps of his grand yacht to look down at me with his baby blue eyes. Holding the eye contact. Hot. How easy it would be to lift my head up right now.

“C-can you climb up?” Rafe shook his head tearing away from me. “Yes- yeah” I nodded gripping the ladder as rafe put me down on land. We both climbed up and went to sit in the wheelhouse. “I’m going to make you a coffee first- sober you up” “are you just delaying your answer?” I curled up in a ball on the sofa removing my shoes. Rafe looked at me with a knowing look and smiled before disappearing.

The music was fading when Rafe closed the door, the sounds of the party drowned out while I waited for him to return. He took about ten minutes before coming back with a blanket, slippers and a coffee in his arms for me. I smiled when I saw him, that was cute. “Five sugars?” Rafe smirked putting the cup down on the side table. “You remembered?”.

“How could I forget that, I’ve never met anyone else that takes five sugars” he chuckled, laying the slippers on the floor and opening the blanket for me. “Thank you Rafe” I nodded my head once. The boy kinda brushed past it, he wasn’t much of a sappy person and he couldn’t take a compliment or a thank you from anyone. Ever.

He started up the engine on the boat and slowly we started sailing away while I sipped my coffee and watched the island fade away. “So tell me” I looked over at him after a few minutes of silence. “What did I do wrong” “nothing” he replied bluntly staring into the pitch black ocean. “So what happened then? Why did you start pretending like I didn’t exist”

“We’re not doing this, I just said that so i could get you home” “I know” I answered softly. “it was worth a try” my shoulders shrugged sadly. “I also know I haven’t done anything wrong, because I’d never do anything to upset you rafe” I told him truthfully. “What ever it is you can talk to me we can sort it out- I don’t want you to stay away from me”

“That’s easier said than done, even if I wanted to I clearly couldn’t stay away from you” he told me in the exact same tone and facial expression. “Did- you want to?” I asked lowly hoping for a no. “No” Rafe turned to look at me now for the first time in this conversation. “I had to- I have to”.

“Why?” I questioned feeling full of confusion. “Why” Rafe laughed looking back into the night. “Why did you get so drunk tonight, there’s many why’s” he replied.

“I- had another argument with my parents” I told him after a few seconds looking at the floor. “That still happening?” “They want me to follow in the family business- I don’t want to, it’s never going to be solved” “well, I want to be in the family business- I feel like my dad doesn’t want me there sometimes” Rafe laughed to himself.

I looked over at him smiling at our similarities, just as I did the boat engine began to stop. Rafe frowned and hit the petrol sign on the panel like that was going to solve something. “What the fuck” he whispered to himself turning the key again and again. “Out of petrol?” “No I’ve still got half a tank- something must be caught it’s too dark to go out and see” he sighed putting his head in his hands.

“Fuck!” The boy slammed his hand into the steering wheel making me jump and spill the coffee down the blanket. “Shit- im sorry” Rafe jumped up when he noticed to grab a pack of tissues. “It’s- its okay, we just have to wait right? until the morning” “yeah” he nodded wiping the coffee off me whilst knelt down. He looked up at me and chuckled raising a hand with his thumb out.

He dragged it across my cheek wiping the splashes of coffee off me. I caught his hand when he tried taking it back. In this moment it was just me and Rafe in the world. The sounds of the sea were the only thing that could be heard. He was staring into my eyes and I did it back. I didn’t want this moment to end.

But something had to ruin it. A boat noise appeared and it sounded like someone was parking next to us. “Who’s- that?” I whispered feeling a sense of fear take over me. “Stay here” Rafe rubbed my hand with his thumb before standing up to go and see who it was. He opened the door peering down the side of the boat.

“Rafe? That you?” A voice yelled up “yeah” he called back down. “It’s just Tommy” Rafe told me when I stood up. I walked over to the side of him to see a very drunk Tommy, Daniel and Carl in the little speed boat beside us. “Y/n? What you doing here” Tommy asked loudly. “going- home” I answered.

“So Why are you guys parked in the middle of nowhere- you Two been up to something?” Carl giggled swigging the bottle again. “Nah engine is fucked we’re just waiting it out” Rafe told them taking precautions it looked like. Seeing Rafe looking at them like that made me feel kind of scared. What was he thinking, what were they up to?

The three boys started giggling and whispering to each other about something. “Tell you what, we will take y/n home, take real good care of her for you so she’s not stuck out here huh” Tommy offered up with a grin. I didn’t want to go with them something was off, but I didn’t know how to say no. I moved forward to go down the stairs but Rafe cut off my exist with his arm. Thank heaven. No thank Rafe Cameron.

“Yeah i Don’t think so” he shook his head with a smiled on the corner of his mouth. “What’s the problem Rafe? Don’t you want her safe at home” Carl laughed wiggling his eyebrows “she’s safe here, you can go now” “all kinda threats out here” “I said you can go, or are we going to have a problem? Because I promise you will lose” Rafe leant over the rail of the boat.

“It really should be the ladies decision- we could have some real fun together” Tommy smirked undressing me with his eyes. “Of course that part probably wouldn’t have been the ladies decision” carl shrugged and the three boys laughed. Rafe slammed his hand down on the pole before racing down the stairs. Tommys face dropped and he tried starting the boat up again.

Rafe reached over the side grabbing Carl by the neck. “You talk about her like that again I’ll fucking drown you” Rafe spat, as he drew his arm back to punch Tommy started the speed boat and Daniel held onto Carl. Rafe dropped him watching closely as they sped off panicking. My heart pounded against my chest and when Rafe turned around he saw it in my face.

“Your okay there gone” he told me walking back up to me. I ran down the stairs meeting him half way. I’d hugged rafe a thousand times but this time, he instigated it. His arms were open. And I hugged him tight as a tear fell onto his top. “I won’t let anyone lay a fucking finger on you y/n, ever” he whispered into my hair running his hand though it.

“How can you say that to me when your never with me anymore” “I’m always watching out for you, I’d never let anything happen” Rafe told me pushing my head up by my chin. “But yet you still can’t tell me why you can’t even be seen with me” I pulled away drying my eyes. “Y/n it’s in your best interest if you don’t know” he told me sadly and tried to walk up the stairs.

“No it’s not Rafe! I need to know what’s going on it plays on my mind constantly!” “You don’t, you think you do but you don’t want to know” he shook his head gently moving my arm so he could ascend to the top. “How can you possibly know that!” “Because if I tell you y/n! Everything is ruined everything changes!” Rafe shook his head, I noticed his eyes were a little watery too.

“I’m a big girl rafe, i might take you by surprise” I called out desperately still waiting on the steps. “You really… you really want to know?” Rafe chuckled shaking his head. But I just folded my arms and raised one eyebrow up. Rafe looked at me for a second before bolting it down the stairs. He stopped inches away from me, inches away from my lips. “Do you get it yet?” He whispered looking at my lips and then back up to my eyes.

My heart pounded against my chest as I leant in hitting his lips. Rafe pulled back instantly and looked at me with wide eyes. I held my breath waiting for him to say something but instead he came back to me pulling me towards him by my hip. I held onto his neck as we kissed for the first time ever. Rafe was right, this had ruined something. But this could be way better than what we had, change can be good.

He moved a hand to my faces as we pulled away breathless. I didn’t know what to say, neither did he apparently. So we kissed again until one of us knew how to react. “I’m still going to need an explanation here” I told him smiling not letting go of him. “Only if I get one too” Rafe shrugged holding onto me tight. “Can we sit down?”. He nodded taking my hand and we made it to the sofa. Rafe pulled me down by my waist on top of him as I squealed.

“We just kissed” he giggled like a boy with his first crush. “I think I’ve liked you for a long time rafe, I just didn’t realise until you stopped talking to me” I ran my thumb up and down his arm. “That’s why I stopped talking to you” “that doesn’t make sense? Why didn’t you just tell me?” His eyes dropped as if he didn’t want to talk about it. “Didn’t think I stood even a one percent chance really”

“What?” I frowned pushing his face to look at me. “I’m fucked up y/n, you can do better” “your not fucked up rafe! I won’t have you talking about yourself like that- I don’t want anything else I- I only want you rafe” I whispered playing with the bottom of his hair. “Your sweet you just don’t let people see it, but I see it and I always have” “so I haven’t ruined anything?” He questioned holding my face too.

“You made it better- presuming you make me your girlfriend of course” I giggled excitedly. “That was a given the moment I kissed you- I don’t kiss anyone like that” Rafe told me seriously. “I want you, your all I want all I’ve ever wanted” “I want you too rafe” I leant our foreheads together.

“You’ve got me”.

1K notes · View notes

seikoru · 3 months

Text

!Nerd Armin h'cs

Since I found out that the dudes here love !Nerd Armin, I felt it was my duty to share my head-canons on him. I have no idea how to use tumblr at all but here it is. All of this is a pieces of my au for a huge storyline armin fanfic with original female character, so…. just enjoy

You met completely by accident. You only went to Wall High School this year when you moved. And you didn't really like the local way of doing things. The whole caste thing, the whole cool dudes/loser thing. it was weird.

You wanted to hang out with everyone, no matter how different they were. Even though you were considered a cool and pretty girl by their metrics.

You first asked Armin for help after another biology class with a hell of a teacher, and he gladly agreed to help.

Armin was immediately very sweet to you. The way he would sometimes adjust his glasses or tuck a strand of hair behind his ear while he was explaining a topic to you…

To be honest, he was a bit frustrated by your lack of results after his help. You were barely getting better grades. He just didn't notice that half the time you weren't looking at the textbook, but at him.

But the more you became friends, the better his character revealed to you. He was known around school as the creepy anime otaku. Was that true? Absolutely. When you first went to his place, you were literally in a pink kingdom where all the walls were covered with anime girls.

Yeah, Armin had never felt the touch of a woman before. He'd had friends like Mikasa, but you… you were something else.

You'd been friends for almost six months until the winter ball was announced. And you literally didn't know who to go with. There were tons of guys chasing you, but they were all like Rainer: idiotic jocks.

The prom was coming up, and you still hadn't found a date. Armin rejected the prom: he didn't like the idea of jostling with sweaty, drunken teenagers to idiotic music in a stuffy room when he could be at home playing video games.

You managed to talk him into going out with you as a friend.

Did you kiss him ballroom night? Yes, you did.

When you, already drunk, said "I want to kiss you", Armin was quite taken aback. At first he just pulled you away and said something like "You need to sober up," but his heart was jumping out of his chest.

When you started convincing him of your sincere affection for him, he became hesitant. Quietly he muttered "I don't want you playing with my feelings".

You asked "Feelings?". He realized he had said something unnecessary, but there was no turning back. So you moved closer, took his glasses off his nose and gently touched his lips with yours.

In a relationship, Armin is the ultimate golden retriever. He smiles widely when he accidentally meets you in the school hallway at recess and is adorably embarrassed when you fleetingly touch him in public.

You're not allowed to spend much time together, lest you bring a wave of bullying on Armin. You had to keep yourselves within the school castes. But you guys didn't like the PDA anyway, so it wasn't a big problem.

Armin is proud of his collection of anime girls on his wall, but he's even more proud of his girlfriend. He always thought you were out of his league, and he couldn't hope for anything more than friendship.

But how happy he was when you would come to his house and sit on his lap while he was on Discord with his friends playing some games.

Armin often caught hyperfixated on his studies and wouldn't get out from under mountains of textbooks. It's not like you like studying much. But Armin is fine with it: he's willing to do ABSOLUTELY ALL of your homework for you.

Socially, he doesn't show how soft he is on the inside. While you were friends, you were sure he only knew how to be sassy. But hell, it turns out he's also good at kneeling in front of you, slowly kissing your ankles, calves and knees, working his way up to your thighs-

And you loved owning that side of him. Supple, belonging only to you. When he stared at you with admiring eyes, and you gently brushed away the strands of hair that fell across his face. He could have fucked anyone else without a second thought, but not you.

119 notes · View notes

dontknowplshelp · 2 years

Text

One Piece Characters accidentally kissing you pt.3

-> with Shanks & Ace

(shanks one wasn’t really an accident but idc)

pt.1, pt.2

Ace

it’s a basic trope but it’s one of my favorites okay??

you both have a crush on each other and literally everybody knows about it

EXCEPT THIS DUMBASS

he probably didn’t even notice his own feelings towards you

but it was this one moment, a millisecond, that he realized everything

you two were fighting about some unnecessary things like ‘who would win the fight, goku or saitama??’

but you were so into it that you didn’t realize what was going on behind you

marco had enough of you two not confessing already when it was sooo obvious

so he “accidentally” bumped into you, which caused you to fall forwards

ace tried to catch you but lost balance himself and BAAAM both on the ground, you on top

it wouldn’t be a big deal if it wasn’t about his face being a bit too close?? and why were your lips touching something😭😭 (i mean his lips i swear)

as i said before, the kiss only lasted for a millisecond but that was more than enough for ace

he needed a moment to calm down and get his mind out of the clouds

asked you out right after

& if he could kiss you again

Shanks

so you two were just drinking and chatting around yk like ‘friends’ do

except for the fact that you didn’t want to be seen as a friend at all

thinking about your current relationship with shanks made you drink a bit more than usual

so obviously you were the first one to get drunk

mf drinks like it’s water

now we all know that shanks is a handsome man

and other women notice that too (i mean i would also take a glimpse👀)

you always noticed the way they looked at him but today was kinda different

it made you angry. they were so open about their feelings and desires, why couldn’t you??

so you grabbed him by the collar and 😙😙😙

you already expected him to pull away but him actually doing it still made you disappointed

the day after, you didn’t even want to look him in the face but you had to apologize after probably making him uncomfortable & causing an awkward situation

well, guess what

you didn’t even get to apologize

the moment he saw you he pulled you closer to bring your lips together

you were confused ,yes , but that didn’t matter

the short kiss developed into a loooong and passionate one :DD

yeah bla bla you both confess and he was like i knew you were drunk yesterday bla bla i wanted you to be sober OK BRO YOU COUDVE SAID THAT BEFORE I LITERALLY HAD THE WORST THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD???

anyways love y’all bye

1K notes · View notes

beautysamour · 1 year

Text

Mission: Impossible

Pairing: Kaz x reader

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Jesper Fahey

Summary: The mission is quite literally impossible to complete- well, improbable might be the more proper word to use for this.

warnings: none.

enjoy!!

As of right now, Kaz is certain that Jesper is an idiot. Well that’s a lie, Jesper is not an idiot, he’s just being an idiot right now.

“Come on, boss. Ain’t that hard.” Jesper teased.

“It’s unnecessary.”

This is one of the moments where Kaz is glad that the club is so loud, so no one can hear the conversation that is currently going on with the two crows.

“Well, the feelings aren’t real so there’s no way you could fail this mission. All you have to do is confess.”

Jesper is no idiot. He is well aware of his boss’ feelings towards said person, that’s why Jesper created the perfect plan to make Kaz confess.

With a dare that’s presented as a mission, Jesper had no doubt in his mind that this would succeed, you’ve already confided in him and confessed your feelings of infatuation towards your guys’ boss. Even though you weren’t sober at the time, Jesper knew better. Drunk words are sober thoughts.

Kaz remained silent then abruptly left, leaving Jesper alone and confused but nevertheless Jesper came to the conclusion that he went to find you. He always goes to you.

—

Jesper was right, Kaz went to find you. As he always did. He waited for you as you finished your conversation with one of the bartenders, once you did you turned your body towards his.

“Hello boss,” you said with a smile. Kaz tried to ignore his heartbeat increasing and cleared his throat before speaking, to make sure he wouldn’t stutter. “Don’t call me boss, reminds me too much of Jesper.” He inwardly winced at his own tone, it came out too harsh for what he had meant.

He would never voluntarily speak to you in a harsh way.

You let out a small chuckle and Kaz feels his heartbeat beat even faster, if that was possible.

“Right. So Kaz, do we have a new mission already?”

Kaz tried to think of his words carefully. Yes, technically there was a new mission, but it wasn’t for you. “No,” he decided to say, “just wanted a drink.”

He sat in the barstool next to you, leaving you baffled. Kaz never drank, just wasn’t his thing. Remembering what Jesper told you, about him jokingly telling Kaz about your feelings, you look across the bar to where he’s at. Jesper is already looking at you. A silent conversation begins.

Jesper.

It’s the perfect time.

My feelings aren’t a joke. You know he doesn’t do relationships, he doesn’t do feelings.

The only response you get in return is a tilt of the head and a raise of an eyebrow. The both of you knew that you were always an exception.

You leave that internal conversation with Jesper and look back at Kaz who takes a sip out of his drink. Feeling your gaze of him, Kaz turns his head and meets your gaze- both of you feel as if your heart stopped.

Deciding that you’re tired of constantly hiding your feelings for him, you lean forward. He leans back but you grab his tie and pull him back to you.

You estimate about an inch of space is between the two of you now.

Your gaze falls on his lips and it’s hurts that you’re so close yet so far away from his lips. Kaz separates his lips, you’re not sure if it was to speak or if he was letting you know that he also wanted this, but you decided that you’d rather run than face rejection.

You abruptly push yourself back and away from him, “sorry- I don’t know what I was thinking.” You pick up your jacket and make you way out of the bar.

Still processing everything that happened, all Kaz does is watch you leave. The feeling of Jesper’ hand hitting Kaz’ shoulder is what takes him out of his thoughts.

“Boss, they was literally right there!” Kaz wasn’t listening.

Kaz Brekker was wrong once again, when Jesper first brought up this little…mission, he was sure that it would be impossible, that he wouldn’t be able to confess because he was sure that you didn’t do feelings. Seems that it wasn’t that it would be impossible, just improbable because now he realizes how much an idiot he was for letting you walk away all because he was surprised.

Idiot.

#kaz brekker x reader #shadow and bone #kaz brekker #jesper fahey #six of crows #kaz brekker fanfic #six of crows kaz #kaz brekker imagine #grishaverse #soc x reader #soc kaz #kaz brekker imagines

261 notes · View notes

am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

Note

AITA For not telling my girlfriend I wore glasses as an accessory and not because I needed them?

So context for this, I met my (genderqueer 21) gf (tgirl 22) when I was 17 and her 18, and right before highschool, I got my eyes checked because I thought glasses might help me with my double vision. It did not, but they gave me glasses for a very slight blur in my vision that I had. I got them and kept them because I thought, "Hey! I like how I look with these!" So I wore them even though I didn't really need them. During highschool I ended up meeting my current gf through a long distance poly thing that went sour and ended with me and my current gf pulling out and becoming monogamous together.

Now the thing I didn't realize is, since I didn't have any friends during highscool, she was the only person who met me when I wore glasses, so she was under the assumption it was something I always needed.

When the pull out with her and I happened, I was living out of a motel for 4 months and when my family finally got access to our home again, I ended up losing my glasses in the giddy rush of having my own room again. I told my girlfriend about me not having these glasses anymore, and (to my memory) nothing was made much of it.

Now, cue to the current day (rather a few weeks ago), I've moved in with my girlfriend, and we've been living together for about half a year now. We're laying in bed, her drunk and me just sleepy, and she asks me, "How have your eyes been without your glasses?" I thought it was funny to think about my times in glasses, so I basically told her "oh I've been fine! I mostly just wore them for looks and didn't really need them :)"

That seemed to take her aback and after a bit of a pause she starts to say that me wearing glasses without needing them was an act of dishonesty, and ended up drunkenly rambling about my lying about my emotions (I do the whole "I'm fine" when I'm upset a lot because I'm very apprehensive to talk about my feelings) and connected the glasses thing to that. I, sober, told her openly that I didn't realize the glasses thing would be a big deal, and that I was sorry that it upset her. After that she kinda just fell asleep, so I just figured that if it bothered me still, I could talk about it in the morning.

So it did bother me, and I asked her if she remembered "the glasses conversation" from the previous night and she said she didn't. I felt a bit relieved, and I talked about what she said as if it was something we could just laugh off together, but that wasn't the case. She told me about how she always connected me with my glasses, before we met IRL she knew me as wearing glasses, she drew me with them, and how me just saying i didn't need them gave her the impression that it was all a lie, and it made her upset on that part. I was surprised that this was an issue, and told her the same as what I told her last night, and that I would've told her they weren't necessary I'd she ever asked me back then. She just shrugged it off and told me not to worry too much about it, that she still loves me, that sort of thing and we dropped it.

I feel guilty though, but also confused. I can see I might be the asshole, but I'm confused as to why this means so much to her. I can also understand if this is just a her thing, she's dealt with a badly cheating partner before me and I can see if this might just be a nervous thing for her.

TL;DR - I wore glasses when I met my gf while not really needing them that badly, and lost them before I met her IRL and moved in with her. GF feels like me not being clear that glasses were unnecessary was me lying about myself

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

104 notes · View notes

svnflower-writes · 5 months

Text

real sweet but i wish you were sober

Description: in which the mutual pining becomes something both Remus and Sirius have wanted for years due to a drunk, jealous slip up on Sirius' part.

ship: wolfstar + background jegulus

warnings: nothing major I can think of—alcohol consumption, so much fluff, unresolved sexual and romantic tension, painfully obvious flirting, james regulus and peter are a bunch of little shits, jealousy

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51762532

authors note: SO MUCH FLUFF and remus is second guessing EVERYTHING. obviously inspired by wish you were sober by conan gray :) they’re not together when this starts and remus is feeling very unsure about a lot of things. sirius helps him out with that though ;) somehow from the dining table by harry styles possessed me to write this in half an hour idk why it doesn’t even give the same vibes but ig it feels like a wolfstar song to me soooo —as always this is unedited and i wrote it at 2am so i might read it later and think it's total shit (but currently this is my fave wolfstar fic i've writen) also this was meant to be like 500 words and its almost 2k lmaooo

Remus was a blushing mess. Sirius had insisted on doing Remus’ eyeliner—saying that Remus would just look ‘so hot’ in it—and who was he to refuse? For Sirius, he would do anything. The problem was, he hadn’t exactly pictured agreeing to this resulting in Sirius straddling his hips, leaning extremely close to his face with his tongue poked out due to his level of focus.

“Merlin, Moony, you’ll be the hottest one at the party.” Well, one of us certainly will be, and it’s not me.

Remus was screaming internally, but he mustered a playful smirk and a quick: “am I not already?”

Sirius sent him a grin as he continued to do his makeup, “of course you are, darling. Anyone who disagrees is blind.”

Remus was certainly not blind when it came to noticing the tiny things Sirius was doing, however. The way he pushed his dark curls out of his eyes with one hand and clenched his jaw slightly in concentration with one eyebrow slightly raised? Fucking hell, it drove him insane. Remus wanted so strongly to just grab his face and smash their lips together.

He didn’t do that, obviously.

“Okay, I’m almost done,” Sirius muttered while he did the final touches to the eyeliner. “You ready for everyone at this party to fall madly in love with you?” I only want you to love me.

Remus swallowed a lump in his throat and looked up at Sirius, “as long as you’re one of them.”

Sirius looked a little taken aback for a moment and Remus could’ve sworn he saw him blush, but he was likely just seeing what he wanted to see. At the look on Sirius’ face, Remus mentally cursed himself for speaking his thoughts aloud. Remus’ worry was unnecessary—as it often was—because a broad smile soon took over his features and he pressed a kiss to Remus’ cheek. “You can count on that.”

Even after he had pulled away, Remus could feel the ghost of his lips where they had been on his cheek, and he refused to look at Sirius because he knew he was a blushing mess.

“Moony?”

This broke Remus out of his thoughts, and he looked up with wide eyes. “Yeah?”

Sirius smirked in amusement at Remus’ absentmindedness and the fluffy-haired boy could only hope that he was unaware that he was the cause of it all. “Could you go check if James is ready? I need to fix my outfit.”

Remus scoffed softly, “Pads, I hardly think your outfit needs fixing.” Sirius was wearing a white cropped tank top—Moony loved it because showed off his tattoos and biceps— with an array of necklaces draped around his neck. He had on his favourite baggy jeans (the ones with stars on them that Remus had helped him make) and a black belt adorning his waist, and the look was finished off with a pair of Dr. Martens.

Sirius winked at him, “well, you know me. I have to look perfect for you, my love.”

The last two words almost resulted in Sirius being pushed up against the wall, so Remus opted for a short: “You always look perfect to me, darling,” before he exited the room as fast as he possibly could.

He found James downstairs in their common room, lying on the couch with Regulus curled up at his side. James was stroking Regulus’ hair and whispering sweet nothings into his ears, and Remus smiled at the two as he flopped down on the seat opposite them. James looked up and surveyed his flushed cheeks, he then asked casually, “so, have you two made out yet?”

Remus threw the nearest book (which happened to be Lily’s current reread, Pride and Prejudice) at him before glancing across at Lily, who was sat across the common room watching the exchange with a grin. “Sorry, Lily. it was for a good cause.”

“No, no. I’m curious too. Are the two of you,” she wiggled her eyebrows playfully, “getting any action?”

Remus glared at his friend, “shut up. And for your information, no.”

Regulus cooed at him from where he sat with James, “oh, poor Remus. So much flirting, so little of anything else—including your transfiguration notes, by the way. I wanted to borrow someone’s notes for the class I missed, so I asked James, who obviously redirected me to your extensive pile of notes on your desk. That desk is very disorganised, by the way. But alas, no notes. Never thought you were the type to forget to take notes. Spending too much time yearning over my brother in that class, Lupin?”

Remus looked away in embarrassment, “don’t rely on someone else’s notes next time, Reggie.”

“Don’t spend hours on end staring at my brother and I wouldn’t have to call you out for not having your notes.”

Groaning, Remus stood up, “okay, I’m going to get a sweater. See you guys soon!” he began to walk up the stairs but he was stopped when he walked into Sirius walking down. He had redone his hair and put it half into a low bun, and he had gained several rings and had a leather jacket in his hands.

He grinned at Remus, “ready to go?”

“Oh, I need-”

His favourite woollen jumper was shoved into his arms and he blinked slowly as Sirius spoke. “I thought you might want it.”

Remus shifted his weight from side to side as he looked down at the sweater in his hands and he was overcome with an overwhelming sense of adoration for the boy standing in front of him.

He didn’t realise how long he had been staring down at it until Sirius ruffled his hair softly.

“Hey, you okay? You zoned out.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. I’m fine, thanks for getting this. We can go down now, if you want?”

Sirius nodded, taking Remus’ hand and tugging him gently down the stairs. Remus felt his heart beating faster than he deemed normal, but he couldn’t remember anything about human biology at that moment due to his mind racing at a million miles per minute. As the two walked into the common room, he met eyes with Lily and sent her an alarmed expression, to which she smirked at. She tapped Mary’s shoulder and pointed at Sirius and Remus’ entwined hands. Mary grinned and gave a silent cheer directed to Remus.

There were already more people in the common room, a variation of people Remus recognised and people he didn’t (admittedly more of the later group). Sirius led Remus towards James, Regulus, and Peter, who were now sitting upright on the couch. Remus sat next to Regulus and the boy smirked at him.

“You’re a mess, Lupin.”

Peter walked around the back of the couch to whisper in Remus’ ear, “I say just kiss and be done with it. This flirting is sickening.” Remus gently slapped Peter’s shoulder with the hand that wasn’t still clasped in Sirius’ ring-clad one and the other boy lightly gasped. “Well, they do say love makes people crazy.”

Remus groaned loudly at Peter’s words, and Sirius turned to him. “You okay?”

“No, he’s in-” Remus pressed his free hand over Peter’s mouth with a warning expression directed at the shorter boy.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” He smiled at Sirius, who looked unconvinced and squeezed his hand reassuringly. Remus almost melted right then and there, and Peter snickered at the interaction.

James stood up abruptly, “alright, who wants some firewhisky?”

Sirius cheered, standing up to follow James and pulling Remus to his feet by the hand he didn’t quite want to let go of just yet.

Ten minutes later, Remus was leaning against the wall with a half full glass of firewhisky and a small smile on his face as he watched Sirius participating in some stupid dare. The long-haired boy kept sending little glances over at Remus to see if he was watching and letting his teasing gaze linger when they made eye contact. Somehow, Sirius had convinced Regulus to participate in the game, and the two brothers had light, carefree smiles on their faces.

Remus felt another presence next to him and looked over to see James, watching the Black brothers with a yearning look on his face similar to the one that was probably adorning Remus’ face. Smiling at Remus,

James muttered, “oh, our stars are so pretty.”

Remus nodded in agreement, “so pretty.”

The two stood there with adoring expressions painting their features for another ten minutes minutes before Remus felt an arm wrap around his shoulders, warm breath alarmingly close to his ear. He was overcome with an immense feeling of discomfort.

A sultry feminine voice whispered, “well, aren’t you a handsome specimen, what if I-”

The voice didn’t even get a chance to finish before Remus felt a well-known hand grab his own. “What if you piss off and take your wandering hands out of my boyfriend’s personal space?”

Remus did a double take.

His eyes widened slightly and he glanced at where James had been with a confused expression, only to find that his friend had disappeared. When he finally mustered the courage to look at Sirius, he was surprised to find him with a deep blush covering his cheeks. They met eyes.

“Fuck, I’m sorry! I didn’t know how else to get her away from you—and you were so uncomfortable, I couldn’t just stand there and watch. Plus, I didn’t want her touching you– I’m sorry, I’m rambling, fuck.”

Remus had the best idea he had had all night long. “Who said it was something to be sorry for?”

Sirius froze. “What do you mean?”

“What do you think I mean?”

Sirius looked into Remus’ eyes for a few moments before grabbing his face and smashing their lips together. It was a messy kiss, all teeth clashing and hands grabbing at hair.

Remus pulled away suddenly, “how drunk are you, exactly?”

“Not drunk enough to be making this up, if that’s what you’re asking?”

“Sober enough to remember it in the morning?”

“Well, if I don’t, we can always recreate it.” Sirius winked playfully and squeezed Remus’ hand.

“Hmm, can’t say I’d be opposed to that, darling…” Remus trailed off slowly as he pushed Sirius against the wall, bringing their lips together in another kiss. This kiss was slow, sweet, and a stark contrast to their first kiss. Remus had one hand resting on Sirius’ cheek and another tangled in his curls, and Sirius’ had his arms draped over Remus’ shoulders.

Remus’ eyes suddenly caught the metal glint of a necklace hanging around Sirius’ neck, and he raised an eyebrow as he pulled slightly away from the kiss. “Is that mine?”

Sirius scoffed, “you never wore it, anyway. It was wasted on you.” Remus smiled softly and wasted no time in bringing their lips together once again.

54 notes · View notes

axailslink · 1 year

Note

Hi I was wondering if you could do drunk reader x Shuri

So Reader is drunk and ends up at the palace then Shuri takes her in to take care of her or HBCU Shuri takes reader when she finds her drunk at her dorm room

Also have a good day or night

Until I stopped feeling like you were mad at me

Shuri Udaku x poc FEM reader

A/n: first of all these are both lovely ideas and I will have a lovely day as long as you do the same in return.

Summary: A friend drops you off with your girlfriend after you go drinking all night because you think she's upset with you.

Your dorm mate knocks on Shuri's dorm room causing her to open the door and see you sprawled about on the floor "how much did she drink?" Her roommate laughs "I have no idea I stopped counting after two beers then she started downing shots and she was also carrying a red cup the whole night so I'm guessing a lot...I brought her home cause some dudes were trying to get lucky" Shuri waves her off "alright I've got her" she carefully picks you up bringing you into her dorm room "hey Shurrrrri I missed you" she sits you on her bed and runs back to lock the door. She starts a bath for you and you turn over and roll off the bed hitting your head "I think that should hurt more" you wince and Shuri comes back to stare at you "what is wrong with you? I get it you were upset with me but getting drunk on campus? Could you not have been more of a fucking idiot?" You look her up and down "youuuuuu were mad at me! I did nothing" you cross your arms still laying on the floor she sighs and picks you up again this time taking you to the bathroom she sits you on the toilet as she starts to take off your heels "baby I'm going to undress you okay?" You sigh and roll your eyes as you hold on to the toilet to keep your balance. She kisses your knees "I'm not mad at you I never was you just overthink I was busy never mad" you still ignore her until you feel her hands slide under your dress "I am under the influence! You tryna get me naked?" She slaps her face "girl take the damn underwear off I'm going to put you in the tub" you laugh "I know I like scaring you" she just straight faces you "good to know undress yourself and get in the tub" she gets up and grabs a bowl "what's that for?" She gags before she says it as if thinking it was enough to cause it to happen "for when you puke your guts I kind of like my carpet" you nod as you shimmy your way out of your underwear you reach for your dress zipper but you're having no luck "babbbbby" you grab into her waist and look up at her smiling "unzip me?" She frowns "you smell like alcohol how much did you drink?" You shrug "until I stopped feeling like you were mad at me" she sighs as she reaches her hand back and unzips you carefully helping you get out of the skin tight dress. "Get in the tub I'm going to grab you a tooth brush" you nod as you carefully stand up holding onto the wall for support while she grabs your toothbrush that you usually leave over and some tooth paste. You slam into the wall causing her to immediately turn around and grab you "okay watch where you're going" she helps you into the tub and gently splashes you with hot water first your upper body and shoulders then your face. Shuri finds herself leaving again to grab a glass of water she sits beside you on the edge of the tub and gently lifts the glass to your mouth "drink this" you look at the water with disgust "uhm I don't really want to" she glares at you "drink the damn water or I will drown you with it" you look at her then the water "you wouldn't do th-" she grabs your mouth harshly forcing your mouth open "being intoxicated must have you forgetting who your girlfriend is" she pours the water in your mouth causing you to cough but at least you drank it.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" You slap her arm and sit back in the tub "almost killed me" Shuri holds back the unnecessary dirty comment that is itching her throat usually you enjoy when I'm rough with you. She helps you wash up and slowly but surely sobers you up a bit you've thrown up twice now and each time she held your hand but looked the other direction. "I don't want to wear this" she looks at the oversized shirt on the counter "then go to sleep naked just bring your dumbass to bed" you brush your teeth and join her in bed "thank you" "for?" You smile up at her "caring about me" you feel soft peck on your forehead "don't do this again Y/n we can talk to each other. You know that. Also you shouldn't go out drinking all night especially when you have exams next week."

You groan "no damnit" she laughs and hugs you as you just shake your head. "That was stupid"

A/n: very unedited 😅 so be nice just tryna catch up on requests.

284 notes · View notes

lakemichigans · 3 months

Note

friend anon again, I think you were joking when you said ask me how I know about the addiction topic, but I would really be curious to know more of your thoughts on that (sorry if that's too invasive, you don't have to answer this at all, but I am curious!)

oof yeah i feel like i've overshared and made people uncomfortable, but if you're asking then i'm fine talking about it!! airing out my dirty laundry... 🧦

basically i just have a family history of addiction that goes back many generations on both sides of my family. myself, my parents, both sets of grandparents, and even my great grandparents have been affected by alcoholism and/or substance abuse at some point in our lives. some of them went totally sober, some passed away, some are still struggling right now and have been for many years. there's such a wide range of people in my family. yeah some fit the stereotype of the "typical alcoholic" and you could probably guess by just looking at them that they have substance use issues. but others are so young and put together, you would never know. 3 of them started their addiction with prescription pain meds because we have a lot of chronic pain in our family (i got all the good genetics huh lol), and the rest of us pretty much exclusively have a problem with alcohol. that's why it makes me so angry to see people imply that alcoholism is a lesser addiction when it has completely decimated my family 😒 the cherry on top is that my best friend since childhood has really similar problems and even though we try to support each other and keep ourselves in check, we both have ended up circling the drain like everyone else we know. so that's great

ironically my grandparents were casual meth users who stopped using meth quite easily, but could never quit drinking or smoking cigarettes no matter how many times they tried, and it was lung cancer that actually killed my grandma. i feel like that's a common misconception among people who don't know much about addiction; you would assume that a highly addictive drug like meth would permanently change your life, but every person is different and one substance may be a harmless treat every few months while another "lesser" substance will completely and utterly ruin your life. it's like how some people can do a few lines of coke at a party and look back on it as a fun college memory, but other people will have their world completely rocked by it. you just never know

i NEVER thought i would have a problem with alcohol. literally never. i was so hyper-aware of the damage it can cause and i took so many precautions. i never drank when i was in a bad mood, i never drank alone, i never drank in the day or super late at night, i never got so drunk i lost my memory, i never drank in unfamiliar places, i never drank to get through a menial task, etc. and i cant even pinpoint when or why that all changed. it all just got so fucked up. i don't like how i act when i'm drunk and i feel so embarrassed when i wake up and remember (or find out) what i said to people, so i prefer drinking alone but that's a whole other problem. i've nearly gotten into fights at bars with grown ass men, i've wandered around downtown and have no memory of getting home, i fell off a fucking rock ledge while hiking at sunset and yeah i can laugh about it but it's also like. i nearly killed myself and for what? because i was drunk and trying to take a good picture. i drink to make chores more bearable. i used to do my college homework tipsy. video games aren't fun sober anymore. i make unnecessary purchases while i'm drunk and that's on top of the financial burden that drinking already provides me. i'll take a hit of anything i'm offered while i'm drunk, and thank god so far that has only been weed or cigarettes, but drunk brandi would not even ask what it is. i genuinely can't bear the thought of talking about my feelings with people if i'm not drinking (even then, i don't say what i really want to say because my mind isn't clear enough to string a thought together). like every fucking aspect of my life has been tainted by alcohol and it happened so slowly that i never even saw it coming. and if it can happen to me, someone who was PREPARED, it can happen to anyone

i'm not trying to scare people, i just wish people understood how slow and insidious addiction can be. maybe then they'd have a little more compassion

but yeah, that's where i'm at right now 🥲 it helps to write about it and vent because i just don't do that in real life. and maybe this rambly mess can help someone else or at least put things in perspective

#also i saw your other message about the colors and i'm going to make another test swatch!#i'll post pics ❣️

7 notes · View notes

kellanved-ammanas · 1 year

Text

The Gunslinger

Summary: Engie's finished making his fancy new mechanical hand. Now all he's gotta do is get ready to attach it to himself.

Upon seeing more stuff reminding me of the fanon idea that Engie cut his own hand off in order to equip the gunslinger I was filled with a sudden mighty need to write that happening. Strong enough that I wrote during my end of the year break from creating stuff. I didn't have a mighty need to edit it though which is why it's going up now. Also, Spy got added in as bonus at the end just for fun because I ship it and because someone needed to at least lightly scold Engie for this.

Probably unnecessary given teh summary and author's note but CONTENT WARNING for self-inflicted dismemberment and breaking bones.

Perhaps waiting for Medic to return to base before doing this in case things went bad would be wise. Assuming Medic wouldn’t stop him anyway, which was possible because Medic was far from a normal medical practitioner, but uncertain and thus Engie would rather do it by himself. Besides, if things ended up going too, too badly, he’d turned Respawn on so it’d be fine regardless. Though, likely, that would mean having to redo the whole thing which wouldn’t be fun. He was fairly confident he knew what he was doing well enough that that safety measure wouldn’t have to come into play though so onward he would forge.

His work bench, raised to a comfortable height, already had everything he would need laid out on it. He double checked it anyway though before making sure his workshop’s door was locked as well – the last thing he needed or wanted was someone coming in on him in the middle of this. Upon returning to the table, he was tempted to triple or even quadruple check everything but… that would just be delaying and the sooner he got this part done with, the better.

He wasn’t quite as drunk as he’d hoped to be, just barely a step beyond tipsy really, but he also didn’t want to risk becoming too drunk to do things properly. So before he could sober up any more than he already unfortunately was, he grabbed the leather belt from off the table and wrapped it around his arm, just below his elbow, making sure it was as tight as he could physically make it. Immediately uncomfortable but not painful, perhaps due to the alcohol.

After waiting for a few minutes for the tingling numbness to set into his hand in hopes of that acting as additional pain relief, he leaned over the table and laid his arm down on it. Next, with his free hand, he picked up the saw. He’d have used Medic’s bone saw but alas Medic had brought it with him when leaving base. It was the strongest and sharpest saw he could find though so hopefully it would do. Holding it tight, he placed it against his flesh, a few inches off from his wrist and…

No, he needed something to bite. No amount of inebriation short of being full anesthetized – an impossibility for obvious reasons given his desire to do this by himself – would make this a pain free operation. The slight tremor of his hand caused the saw to clatter against the metal workbench as he placed it back down. A thin cut where the saw blade had touched his flesh oozed a couple drops of blood. Between the alcohol and the numbness, he couldn’t feel it at all, a good sign, hopefully.

Turning away, he scanned his workshop for something suitable. … Ah, a rag. Not the cleanest thing in the world but it had been washed recently and with half the team away on contract missions they hadn’t been in active battle lately so it wasn’t actively covered in machine grease either. He grabbed it, stuffed it in his mouth – it tasted exactly how one would expect it to – and set up again.

This time he didn’t let himself hesitate for even a moment before pressing the saw into his forearm. Naturally it cut through his flesh without issue. Painful but nothing he couldn’t handle. The bone however, that hurt a lot more. He almost stopped but… if he did there was a chance he wouldn’t be able to bring himself to finish and that just wouldn’t do. So, biting down on the rag, he continued sawing, his movements sharp and forceful.

Forcing himself to focus on the sawing motion instead of the searing pain in his right arm, he counted the motions. One… two… one… two… like sawing through a plank of wood. … A particularly tough plank of wood that oozed blood and set his arm screaming for him to stop and yank away from the saw.

His vision blurred as his eyes watered. He couldn’t blink it away fast enough. He was going to throw up or scream or both.

He stopped. The saw clattered loudly as he dropped it on the table. He spat out the rag allowing him to pant for breath as he sunk down to sit on the floor before his quivering knees gave out beneath him. Forcing himself to breath deep and steady he held his arm out and away until he felt a bit steadier, a bit less like he was going go vomit, before looking at it.

The belt was doing its job as a tourniquet fairly well; there was plenty of blood oozing from the injury and running down his arm to drip off his fingers to the floor but not enough for to be an immediate cause for worry. It also allowed him to see how deep he’d managed to saw which… wasn’t very. Turns out bone was a lot harder to saw through than he’d anticipated. In his defense he’d never had to saw through bone before.

Groaning, he looked up at the ceiling. How the fuck was he going to do this? His pain tolerance was high, especially after dying and going through Respawn as many times as he had, but there were limits to what he could stand and even more so, limits to what he could inflict on himself. There was just no way he could keep it up for long enough to get all the way through the bone.

He could build a machine to do it for him. Then all he’d have to do was strap himself to it. It’d be a simple build but… would take time to make, at least a day or two. And having already started, the pain in his arm would make it take even longer. What other choice did he have though? …

Well, the main problem was how hard it was to saw through the bone, right? If he broke it at the right spot, that wouldn’t be a problem anymore now would it?

With a groan, he forced himself to his feet. The longer he thought about this, the harder it would be to get himself to do it. First though, he grabbed the bottle of whiskey he’d been drinking out of earlier and took another long drink from it. Cheap and strong, it burned like a bitch and tasted awful but was a welcome distraction. Tempting as it was to down the whole thing and thus likely drown his consciousness as well, he forced himself to put it down when there was still a fourth of the bottle left. He’d finish it after this operation was complete.

Head swimming either from alcohol, pain and blood loss or both, he stumbled around to the other side of his work bench. Lucky for him, the new vise he’d just got in a couple weeks ago was big enough to slot his arm into. He lined it up so that the cut he’d already made was just outside the vise’s metal mouth, his hand and wrist on the other side.

He grasped the crank and started turning it. The vise closed on his wrist and forearm. First just secure, then tight, then painful, then very painful. Gritting his teeth, he kept turning and turning until… snap. Somehow he heard it a split second before he felt it. He barely held back a scream, biting down on his lip instead hard enough to draw blood. The coppery taste of it flooding his mouth brought him back to himself enough to started rapidly turning the crank the other way.

As soon as he could, he took his arm out. Every little movement sent jagged spikes of pain through his entire arm that no amount of numbness or alcohol could do much to relieve. Despite that, his instinct was to clutch it close, protect it from further arm. Fighting that instinct with deep breaths, he laid out his arm on the table again instead. Thinking being unwise right now, he grabbed the saw and started sawing again.

Much easier physically but harder psychologically. He hadn’t gotten to where he was today through being mentally weak though so he pressed on. Sawing and sawing and sawing until… the blade’s teeth hit the blood covered metal table underneath, scrapping horrible against it.

Dropping it, uncaring as it clattered against the table, he stepped back, leaving his hand behind on the table. He lifted his arm to look at his new stump. It was not as clean an amputation as he’d have liked, it wasn’t straight and the bone break was jagged and uneven but he could make do with this.

But, even if thanks to the makeshift tourniquet, it did not gush as much blood as a severed limb usually would, it was still quite a lot. Enough to be worried about. He needed to bandage it sooner rather than later.

He only took one step towards heading around to the other side of the workbench where he’d left the medical supplies before his legs gave out though. As much as the whiskey had burned going down, it burned even more as it came back up. Even as darkness ate at the edges of his vision, he did his best to keep it off himself. Perhaps alcohol had been a poor choice of pain relief and prevention, especially since it hadn’t seemed to do a whole lot towards that effort. … Something to think about for next time. Because if he couldn’t stop this bleeding in time, he’d die and Respawn, likely with his hand back. Ugh! He’d been so close! But he didn’t have the strength fight the pull of unconsciousness eating at his mind and it hurt too much for him to really want to either.

The pounding of his head, once set in, made it impossible to just roll over and go back to sleep. He tried to anyway, earning a sharp stab of pain in his right arm that had him jerking the rest of the way awake.

He opened his eyes and lifted his hand to look at it. It was gone. Replacing it was a bloodstained bandage. … It had worked! His hand was gone and he hadn’t died in the process of removing it. Now all he had to do was wait for it to heal a little bit and attach his new mechanical hand. Hopefully it wouldn’t take long before...

“You’re awake.”

Engie flinched, snapping his head to the side to see Spy standing up from a chair by the unlit fireplace on the other side of the room. Spy’s room actually. Which explained why the bed Engie lay on was so soft and luxurious. In hindsight not too surprising given the bandage and the fact that he’d survived when the last thing he remembered was passing out in a puddle of his own vomit. Still not an ideal situation to be in though.

The pounding in his head pulsed in time with the throbbing in his arm as he carefully sat up to lean back against the headboard. He’d have like to stand but… didn’t quite dare yet. “Aren’t you supposed to be off on a mission?”

Spy had strode over to stand by the bedside as he’d struggled to sit up and now looked down at him, his expression unreadable under the mask. “I got back earlier today.”

“And broke into my workshop,” Engie interrupted before he could say anything more. He wasn’t exactly mad about it, especially given the circumstances, but he wasn’t particularly pleased that that was apparently one of the first things Spy had done upon returning to base.

“Yes. I knocked but you did not answer and well, as that is unlike you, I grew worried and decided to invite myself in. Good thing I did too else I’m sure you would’ve bled to death. Now would you like to explain why exactly you cut your hand off?” Spy’s tone had remained neutral right up until that last sentence at which point he sounded almost a little angry. Which was perhaps fair given how it must look.

Engie shifted to sit up a bit straighter. “I’m replacing it. I built myself a new hand that should make it easier to work on my machines.” He wouldn’t have to carry around a wrench everywhere he went anymore.

“What if I hadn’t come along and you had died in this attempt?”

“I turned Respawn on.”

“It’s not supposed to be on so what if Miss Pauling had caught that it was on and turned it back off?”

Engie hadn’t thought of that but the chances were low, Miss Pauling was too busy for that. “Are you accusing me of being secretly suicidal or something?”

“Non. If you were, you’d go about it differently. I am however accusing you of being careless of your health and safety.”

“We all are. Killing folk ain’t exactly the safest of professions even with the fancy-smancy Respawn room bringing us back when we die.”

“Yes, but… this is extreme. Are you okay, Laborer?”

The seemingly genuine concern in Spy’s voice was surprising to say the least. Engie had suspected for a while now that Spy cared more about everyone on the team than he like to pretend but he hadn’t expected it to be this much. Given that, he couldn’t in good conscious follow his initial instinct to lie and say he was fine. After all, even he had to admit that cutting off one’s own hand with a saw blade wasn’t something someone who was truly fine would do. So instead he shrugged, letting himself sag against the headboard. “Could use some water and painkillers, preferably strong ones.”

Spy didn’t seemed satisfied, hanging around for a beat or two longer before turning to go over to the other side of the room. What he did over there, Engie couldn’t see and didn’t care enough to figure out. But he returned a short time later it was with a glass of water and a mysterious pill.

Instinctively, Engie reached for it first with his right hand before remembering it was no longer there. Instead, he took first the pill, not caring what it was, dry swallowing it before taking the water. After chugging the whole glass, he maybe even felt a little better. “More?” he asked as he handed the now empty glass back.

Spy sighed as he accepted it and left. This time when he returned it was with a whole pitcher of water which he left on the bedside table as he handed the refilled glass back to Engie.

“Thanks.”

“We’re not done talking about how bad an idea cutting your own hand off is.”

“I know. Later though?”

“Yes, fine, later. It’s probably about time to change the bandages anyway.”

“Thanks for that too… you know, helping out and stuff, ‘preciate it.” Even if getting caught at this was not ideal, it was still better than going through Respawn and thus having to restart – or possibly dying if someone had turned it back off. And having someone to help with the bandages and whatnot was a bigger boon than he ever would’ve hoped for.

“Don’t mention it. And I mean that literally, don’t tell anyone about this.” Ah, good ol’ Spy, continuing to not want anyone to know how much he cared. Well Engie now knew for sure and he was going to treasure that knowledge.

“You got it. This whole thing will be our little secret.” No one else needed to know about it until he had the hand properly attached. That way no one else would have cause for any real concern and would perhaps even assume he’d lost the hand in an accident.

#my writing #tf2 #team fortress 2 #the gunslinger #self-inflicted dismemberment #breaking bones #alcohol #spy/engie #spy/engineer #practical espionage

44 notes · View notes

clotpolesonly · 1 year

Text

Let Your Heart Be Light

for @sapphireginger and the Stiles Shipping Central monthly ficlet exchange!! apparently all of my Stallison fics are just going to be unrelentingly sappy and there’s nothing i can do to stop it, hope you don’t mind XD

(also on AO3)

It was snowing like crazy, but Allison hesitated on the stoop of Dobroniega Gajos’s home. Stiles turned back to frown at her; she had told him over and over again that she was built for warmer climates and would spend no unnecessary time in the open air if she could help it. Her nose and cheeks were bright pink, where her scarf wasn’t pulled up to cover them and the silly earflaps of her hat didn’t reach low enough, but still, she hesitated.

“You okay, alley-cat?” Stiles asked.

She dragged her eyes away from the door. “Yeah! Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just…”

Stiles took her mittened hand in his. “She won’t bite, I promise. She’s had me talking her ear off about you for the last month and she can’t wait to meet you.”

“No pressure.”

“She will love you.” He brought her hand up to his mouth to kiss it, getting yarn fuzz in his mouth and not even caring. “Almost as much as I do.”

Allison’s concerned moue melted into a soft smile and she let him push the door open. Warmth billowed out to meet them, carrying with it the smell of cloves and beetroot. The small house was filled with people, only a handful of whom Stiles was actually familiar with. It had been years since he’d last visited his grandmother instead of her coming to the States. These were his cousins, he thought, or second-cousins. There was an aunt or two here somewhere and some niblings once- or twice-removed. They were all related somehow.

They all seemed to know him better than he knew them, at least, because everyone in sight swarmed in to greet him and hug him and kiss him on both cheeks. He let them, laughing and pretending he remembered any of their names, and it brought back a rush of memories. They used to come every year for Christmas back when he was a kid, when his mom was still alive. Those visits were a blur of coziness and cheer and the overwhelming feeling of family.

It took some doing to make it back to Allison’s side. She was smiling at a pair of maybe-cousins, letting them chat her ear off even though she probably could only understand every other word through their strong accents, but Stiles knew her well enough to see that it wasn’t an easy smile. She brightened up a bit when he wrapped his arm around her waist, and brightened even more when he proved more successful at understanding and participating in the conversation.

Stiles only had a minute to wonder what was wrong before a booming voice called out, “Tygrysek! Mój skarb!”

Stiles grimaced but turned to accept an all-encompassing hug from his grandmother. “Babciu, that name is so embarrassing.”

“Which one?” Allison asked, mouth quirking up already. “Embarrassing how?”

“Tygryseki,” Stiles grumbled. “It means—”

“Baby tiger,” his babcia finished, reaching up to pinch his cheeks with absolutely no remorse. “My ferocious little one, always sneaking, ready to pounce on someone unsuspecting.”

Allison covered her mouth with her hand, trying and failing to hide a snorting laugh. She sobered up when Babcia turned to her, but she didn’t have time to be nervous. Without hesitation, Babcia was hugging her too. Fiercely. For such a small woman—she barely came up to Stiles’ shoulder—Dobroniega Gajos was a force to be reckoned with.

She pulled back to hold Allison’s face in her hands. “Welcome to the family, moja droga.”

Allison looked a little dazed. “Happy to be here,” she said helplessly. She received a kiss on both cheeks before Babcia was off, making the rounds of all her guests like the matriarch that she was. Allison watched her go.

Stiles nudged her. “Are you?” he asked quietly. “Happy to be here? You look a little—”

“She’s really nice,” Allison cut in, another one of those tight smiles on her face but her hand tight on his arm.

“Allison.”

Her smile dimmed, but she didn’t say anything. Her eyes darted around the festive crowd, almost two dozen people all talking and laughing and making merry.

Stiles took her by the hand. He tugged her through the crowd until he found a guest bedroom—there was a suitcase open on the bed, but the room was empty currently, so he didn’t see the harm in borrowing it from its occupant for a minute or two—and she didn’t resist as he pulled her inside. She accepted a soft kiss.

“Now, what’s wrong?”

Allison looked like she might deny it one more time. Then, eyes glassy, she laughed.

“It’s so stupid,” she said. “Nothing’s wrong, I swear, it’s just— It’s really lovely here. Such a big happy family full of holiday cheer. It’s straight off a postcard, honestly.”

“But?”

“But…” She sniffed. “I don’t know, I guess it just hit me that I never had this. Anything like this, really. My family was just me and my parents, and sometimes…” She swallowed around the two names she never said anymore. Stiles let her. “And we were always moving around, lots of rental homes and stock furniture. And my mom wasn’t exactly the warm and cheery kind, you know?”

A stricken look passed over her face, just for a moment, and Stiles knew what she was thinking. That it was an insult to her mother’s memory to acknowledge the strictness of her, the utilitarian way she had operated, as if that made her less of a mother or meant that Allison had loved her less. He kissed the look off her face before she could get caught in that spiral.

“Loving the people you’re with doesn’t automatically make holidays great,” he said, thinking of the years after he’d lost his mom. Just him and his dad and a plastic table-top tree, store-bought turkey and football on the television. He’d loved his dad, but it hadn’t been fun, and it hadn’t been what he’d wanted.

Allison let out a shuddering sigh that she tried to turn into a laugh. “I guess I just watched too many Hallmark movies as a kid. Set my expectations way too high. I knew I was never going to have that big, loving family. I was always going to be disappointed.”

Stiles brushed Allison’s hair behind her ear. “But you do.”

She looked up at him, confusion on her face. “Do what?”

“You have that. The big, loving family,” he said. “Because you’re my family, and that means that mine is yours. Every single person in this house is your family now. Whether you want them or not, honestly, because my grandmother is not gonna let you walk out of here without some kind of homemade knitwear and a personalized cross-stitch. She asked me for your favorite colors weeks ago. I told her tangerine.”

A laugh burst out of Allison, startled and incredulous. It shook a tear loose. Stiles’ wiped it away. She grabbed his hand before he could take it away.

“I hate orange,” she said through a helpless smile.

“I know.”

“You’re the absolute worst. I hate you so much.”

Stiles stole another kiss, grinning against her lips. “I love you too, serduszko.”

Allison wrapped her arms around his waist. “What’s that one mean?”

“Old hag, but, like, fondly.”

“Shut up, it does not.”

“Would I lie to you?”

She buried her face in his chest, giggles overtaking her. Stiles was more than happy to let her laugh, pressing his nose into her sweet-smelling hair. His heart was so full he worried it might explode all over the lacy tchotchkes on the bedside table. He hoped whichever aunt was sleeping here wouldn’t mind him getting happiness goo all up in her open suitcase.

They were quiet for a minute, just settling into the embrace. Through the closed door, the chatter of a houseful of people washed over them. Somebody had decided to start caroling early. They weren’t very good at it, but they sounded like they were having a great time anyway. Allison’s thumb rubbed circles on Stiles’ side, shirt rucked up just a little so she could feel the warmth of his skin.

“Did your grandma really make me a cross-stitch?” she asked eventually, sounding small.

Stiles smiled. “Yeah,” he said. “She makes them for all her grandkids. Mine is, unsurprisingly, a tiger.”

He could practically feel Allison’s dimple against his shoulder. “What’s mine, do you know?”

“It’s a quiver full of flowers. And, no, I did not actually tell her to make it tangerine. It is in lovely shades of your actual favorite color, which is purple. You’re welcome.”

Allison pulled back to beam at him, all traces of sadness gone from her face. She was radiant in her happiness, exactly how Stiles liked her best. He kissed her until somebody knocked on the door to announce that they’d seen the first star and dinner was served.

Stiles took Allison’s hand once more. “Come on, then” he said. “Let’s go make you some new memories.”

the polish bits defined:

tygrysek = baby tiger mój skarb = my treasure, darling babcia = grandmother babciu = grandmother, affectionate address moja droga (to a female) = my dear serduszko = sweetheart

#sapphireginger #Stallison #Stiles Stilinski #Allison Argent #Teen Wolf #fanfiction #fics by me

13 notes · View notes

disco-elysium-via-polls · 8 months

Text

I'm electing to put a point into Endurance, which should hopefully stop us from dying all the time. In the future, I'll probably get you all to vote on which stat we level up, unless there's something pressing.

Not much has changed upstairs.

DOOR, ROOM #1 - This is the door to the room you *redecorated*.

"Good night, lieutenant."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Just a moment. You had some questions earlier, I believe, and we should talk about our progress on the investigation. Let's go out to the balcony."

"Alright, let's go."

KIM KITSURAGI - The air outside is brisk, the lieutenant is silent for a moment. He listens to the traffic hum, then...

"Where shall we begin? We should talk about the investigation first and foremost, but I also remember you wanting to discuss the RCM?" He lights a cigarette.

"I didn't know you smoked, Kim."

"How do you think today went?"

"So what are our powers exactly? The RCM?"

Say nothing. Just look into the night.

KIM KITSURAGI - "I have a cigarette every night when I go over my notes. It's something of a ritual."

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] - Oh man, he looks so devastatingly *cool* with that cigarette.

"I think I might want to pick up smoking. Do you have any more cigarettes?"

"How did you get so cool, Kim?"

"Right then -- the debrief." (Return to it.)

KIM KITSURAGI - "I apologize, but I only brought one with me. I have exactly one cigarette every night while going over my notes."

2. "How did you get so cool, Kim?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "You mean this?" The light of his cigarette illuminates a fleeting smile. "This isn't cool -- it's an unnecessary trial of will. And unhealthy." He flicks the ash.

VOLITION [Easy: Success] - Keeping the habit within the parameters he's given himself takes a lot of focus. It would be easier to simply quit.

3. "Right then -- the debrief." (Return to it.)

KIM KITSURAGI - "Yes," he pulls on the cigarette. "It's been a long and eventful day. "

2. "How do you think today went?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "Well, we inspected the victim's body. So that's good -- it was not easily *approachable* in that state, but we did it."

"Our inspection *could* have been more thorough -- as it always can -- but we have some leads we can follow up on."

"Then you shot him in the chest, which... wasn't ideal. And we still have to get him down from the tree."

"I just wanted to make sure he was really dead."

"I admit, I'm a little out of practice."

"I still can't believe I missed that shot!"

KIM KITSURAGI - "Being sober also tends to help with precision. But, moving on to the interviews..."

"We weren't able to find the Union leader, Evrart Claire, much less interview him. So that's on the to-do list for tomorrow."

"We tried to interview the Wild Pines rep, but she asked us to do something for her first. Fine. So be it."

"I have a feeling Joyce knows how dangerous the situation really is. We *have* to get her to talk to us." He purses his lips.

"Above all, though… today was exhausting. What's with all the *running*? You run a lot. Is that a standard Precinct 41 practice?"

#disco elysium #kim kitsuragi

5 notes · View notes

mandala-lore · 4 months

Text

Top Ten (plus some) Movies Lore Watched in 2023

Before I get ahead of myself, Metropolis should certainly be on here - but I haven't finished it yet. Shameful, I know.

I considered just doing ten, which would've been bad enough, but then I thought I'd share even more unasked for opinions about movies I watched this year. It was a weird year, for me personally and for the world. But then. When it isn't a weird year? I watched a wide variety of stuff, not all of it great, and had lots of reactions I didn't have time to initially get down in writing.

Under a cut because I will not inflict endless scrolling on even my worst enemy.

BEST five movies (in no particular order) I watched this year. Highly recommend. You haven't lived until you've seen them:

Nope - It absolutely lives up to every bit of hype. It deserved more hype, actually. Jordan Peele doesn't fuck around except when he does but he really doesn't. Excellent balance of straight up terror, compelling characters, unpredictable moments, and subtle-yet-powerful social commentary. My personal favorite of his movies. (New to me)

And God Created Woman - Personally, I love a pretentious 60s French film about a woman's burgeoning sexuality ruining the lives of those around her (and imploding her own life). Don't examine me too closely. Devastating, feels like a fairytale collided with a small tragedy. Very tumblr-core, surprised it doesn't do more rounds tbh. (New to me)

Pinocchio - Guillermo del Toro can do whatever he wants forever. Nightmare Alley should be here, but I think I only watched it the whole way through in 2022. I was ready to cringe watch this but it captured my attention and my tears in the first five minutes. Stop motion is true cinema wizardry and we need more of it. The musical numbers felt unnecessary to me. (New to me)

Laura - Easily one of my top ten movies ever. Delicious film noir-esque murder mystery with sophisticated (for its era) gender and class commentary just beneath the surface. Striking dialogue, gorgeous fashion, and smooth, cool repressed characters who shatter at the end. Feels like it was written by Dorothy Parker, kinda. (Old fave)

Forbidden Planet - Ham-fisted Freudian/Jungian "psychology" filtered through a highly stylized retro sci-fi film overlayed on a Shakespeare play (but wait! There's more!). Gorgeous scenes, fun sex appeal, creepy monster, daddy issues. This movie truly has everything. (Old fave)

Akira Kurosawa's Dreams - Honorable mention. See how I don't obey my own rules? This could easily boot one or more of the above off the list, but I play favorites. I wish I had watched this movie sober, but the long, wordless scenes were extra impactful while I was high. (New to me)

New movies I loved, from most enjoyed to less:

The Menu - Fun, slightly camp, like a Bryan Fuller Hannibal episode but a feature length film. Stellar cast with brutal performances. Peak final girl energy. It's a Hannibal/Clarice AU fanfic to me - TO ME.

The Pale Blue Eye - We need more lowlight, moody, New England gothic films that are true to the spirit of 18-19th century American literature, even if not straight up adaptations. I got all the pleasure of reading a Poe or Hawthorne short story with an excellent mystery/true crime plot and, I think, one of Christian Bale's most underrated performances. Maybe not his best role ever, but certainly under celebrated. So much to unpack and paw over. It's a treasure chest, not just a treasure.

Asteroid City - Wes Anderson is a great director, I'm sorry, we just have to accept it. I was high when I watched it; I had so much fun tuning into small character moments. I can't make heads or tails of the scifi plot or 4th wall bending, and I'm not sure it was the THC's fault this time. But it has phenomenal rewatch potential, unlike a few of his other movies. I'm also going to unapologetically celebrate every halfway decent movie that isn't a reboot or franchise installment or toy-selling ruse.

Godzilla Minus One - Top three kaiju movies for sure. I felt the message was a little heavy handed, but only a little, and it's a freakin' kaiju movie so who cares. Godzilla was scary yet sympathetic, the characters were lovable, and the loss and tragedy felt almost too real. Needed more kaiju.

Enola Holmes 2 - Cute, high stakes teen mystery-action-historical movie. The first one was better, but this was a solid sequel.

Top TEN movies (no particular order) that were brand new to me:

Into the Spider-Verse - Again, I liked this less than the first, but it was a solid sequel.

Valerie & Her Week of Wonders - Love a movie that's like a waking dream/nightmare. Again with the burgeoning sexuality.

Paprika - I put this movie off for years, to the point where it didn't live up to my own internal hype, but it was still very good and I'm looking forward to exploring the rest of Satoshi Kon's oeuvre.

The Black Phone - I was surprised at how much I enjoyed every second of this movie. It was tense and sad and weird. Perfect balance of leaving the mystery intact. Creepy clown adjacent. Ethan Hawke should be creepy and evil more often, please, for me.

Malignant - James Wan doesn't always land for me, but when he does... Woo!

Leon the Professional - Well. I did say I love pretentious French films about burgeoning sexuality and tragedy...

The Notorious Bettie Page - After finishing, I thought, "This wasn't that great. Kind of a waste of time. What was that ending?" But then it stuck in my brain. Plus, the star's performance is incredibly gripping, I kept forgetting I was watching a biopic and not just... Bettie Page. Directing / editing was flawed.

Ginger Snaps - I have too many thoughts for this post. Teenage girl repressed violence burgeoning sexuality hunger as power, you get it, you get it.

Porco Rosso - A Ghibli movie I put off for years because I figured it wouldn't be that great. It was excellent and shot up into my top five Ghiblis.

Titus - 1999 film w/ Sir Anthony Hopkins & Jessica Lange. Images from this movie keep popping into my head months later.

Old Faves that I Saw with New Eyes:

Beetlejuice - [redacted]

The Black Cat - I watched this once years ago and though, "Lame. Boring. Two or three different plots that aren't speaking to each other." This time, I enjoyed how weird and ahead of its time it was. It's still 2-3 plots that don't speak to each other.

In a Lonely Place - Even Humphrey Bogart almost can't make this guy likable. Interesting gender stuff. Psychological portrait masquerading as film noir - or film noir masquerading as romantic drama, idk.

Batman Forever - specifically should be enjoyed back to back with professional wrestling, with a tough guy who lets his mask slip and indulges his inner child with you post-coitus. I know it's a specific vibe, I'm sorry.

House on Haunted Hill - Will make every list forever always. One of my top three films ever, I think. It's just so fun. I want Vincent Price to choke me out.

Nightmare Alley - I'm not sure if I first watched this in 2022 or 2023 but I caught the middle of it again just a few months ago so I'm counting it. One of del Toro's best. Highly underrated / under-watched. We should be talking about this movie more.

Spider Baby - This is probably the third of fourth time I've seen this movie. I love it more every time. Burgeoning sexu- *I am shot to death*

The Invisible Man - (1933) Fucking magical special effects for its era, hell even for today. We don't even see Claude Rains until the very end but he fucking delivers.

#film reviews #movie review #lore watches #2023 #top ten

0 notes

gracechiew · 5 months

Text

The cameras are placed in Alexis’ and I’s room, already recording my every move. They even installed a digital clock for us big enough to be a local shop sign. The clock read “00:01:00.” One minute to go before we break headlines. The nerves were now kicking in, and I’m sure Alexis feels the same way. Rather it was for this, I am unsure. How did we ever agree to this?

The short answer would have been that we were both drunk idiots. Funnily enough, Alexis and I were already on a call together when we were dead set to have the longest call. She’d been someone I considered my very first friend, bonding over our opposite feelings for Justin Bieber. We had sleepovers during the weekends, our families clicked immediately, heck, we even showered together when we were in first grade because of our fear of ghosts haunting us. Our friendship however, took a turn when she announced she was leaving for Singapore in our third year of primary school.

The first few years without her were rough, but she was consistent in coming back home to visit, and that was all that mattered. A friendship for over a decade long and still counting is such a feat, especially since we are still in our teens (for the last time). Unlike our usual calls, we decided to have a little celebration over the call for graduating high school with a little illegal cup of gin last Friday. The next afternoon, I received an email notification confirming my application for a Guinness World Record.

That same day, we were on a call together the moment we sobered up from our pathetic hangover, pacing around. Still pacing around, I attempted to decipher Alexis on the opposite side of my screen. She had stood still. I wonder how long she stood there for. Her face was cryptic, almost incomprehensible. I eventually stopped pacing around too, only looking at her. It was not long before she broke the silence with the same indifferent expression.

“What if we just go for it Cait? No harm done anyway.”

Alexis was right. There was no harm in trying a groundbreaking project. The only risk I could think of after that unnecessary pacing was that our devices may explode from overheating. But before I could say anything, she interrupted the silence yet again.

“Also Caitlyn, I have something I wish to say. I hope you don’t rush over what I will say, and give it some proper thought. You may think it’s unnatural, but I cannot think of any better time than now to confess before we do that long call. I love you. Much more than that of a friend, you bring such joy to my world and I want to hold a stronger bond with you in order to expand our already existing love. You mean a lot to me, and of course your feelings hold importance to me, so please take the time to consider before refusing flatly… That’s all I have to say. Thanks for listening. The next time I’ll call you we won’t just be alone, but breaking a record together. Goodbye.”

Ten seconds to go. We didn’t call, nor did we text since her confession, and I admit, I was stumped when she abruptly ended the call. So this time, I am going to return the favor back, but with love.

#spilled thoughts #my writing #friendship #world record

0 notes

punkscowardschampions · 6 months

Text

Java Pt.1

Ava: [okay, so this is Ava’s 16th, 27th May 2038, James is 21 and Mattie will be with us 28th August, let’s go]

Ava: I’m so ridiculously sorry to bother you at this o’clock

Ava: but I am genuinely concerned Teddy is either going to lose his life or his life savings

Ava: so much so it does indeed warrant disturbing your evening, I’m afraid 😕

James: No, I’m sorry, on his behalf, knowing full well his own apologies aren’t going to be offered

James: can he be coaxed into a car I send, or am I required to come along and disturb his evening with my disapproving presence and some measure of bodily force?

Ava: Oh, it’s fine, what is any party without some unaccounted-for-chaos, right?

Ava: but thank you, I will now attempt to coax him into said car, return the favour and make this as painless as possible

James: I don’t think I can, in good conscience, abandon you to such a thankless task when it’s assumedly your party he’s ruining with his chaos

James: the car, and I, will be there as promptly as traffic allows, which, further assuming he hasn’t also caused a mass exodus, should be quite soon

Ava: Guilty 🎂

Ava: I wouldn’t call his behaviour Biblically bad, lest he take it as a compliment

Ava: I’ll do my best to keep him in sight so your journey doesn’t become a wasted one, any rate

James: Happy Birthday

James: his hair acts as somewhat of a beacon, nevertheless, it isn’t the first time I’ve had to make this journey, so don’t worry yourself too unduly about keeping him in view

Ava: I hadn’t thought of it that way 🤭 it certainly works though, now you mention it

Ava: I’m more than willing to pay for the car, by the way… given I was too chicken to contact your parents or let it get to the stage the only suitable ride would be an ambulance

James: I wouldn’t hear of it, your birthday or otherwise

Ava: Ah, if only I had a suitable party bag I could have put aside for you in thanks

James: I’ve had my fill of party bags of late, I assure you, no thanks necessary

Ava: Interesting problem to have

James: My apologies again if I’ve made it sound interesting when it most certainly isn’t under the present circumstances

Ava: All mine if that sounded like prying

Ava: I just say whatever comes to my head when I’m nervous, terrible habit 😬

James: A relatable habit, but nerves in regard to my slow yet imminent arrival are unnecessary, none of my earlier aforementioned disapproval is directed toward you

Ava: Thank Goodness

Ava: My ability to handle that is heavily disputable and making you deal with any teenage mess not related to you is completely out of order

James: Albeit limited, the insight you’ve given me into your ability to handle things doesn’t cause apprehension in terms of what I may find

Ava: Teddy is one thing, uncomplicated

Ava: but disapproval? That fear is pathological and the result of being the youngest and only sibling left in the game, you can’t give me that look lest I die on the spot

James: I promise there is nothing to fear, I’ll keep my eyes on my uncomplicated brother and ensure they stray absolutely nowhere else

Ava: If I were the spoilt birthday girl stereotype, I would insist on telling you how you won’t be able to resist at MY party

Ava: but we both know once you’ve been to one…

James: I’m sure it’s a lovely party, Ava

James: alas, I’m not your intended target audience, far from it

Ava: Perhaps

Ava: but the intended target audience might be feeling like a mistake, truth be told

James: Teddy will have that effect, you shouldn’t allow him to though

Ava: It isn’t the direct attack he’ll accuse me of when he’s sober enough to put two and two together, don’t worry

Ava: It would be the worst form for me to be bad mouthing him to his own brother quite this aggressively

James: He’s my brother, I’ve heard it all before

Ava: Trust me, I understand

James: Yes, of course, you would

Ava: Neither is here, don’t worry

James: I’m not, don’t you worry

Ava: Okay, James 😌

James: You did the right thing, it is okay

James: thank you for reaching out

Ava: Of course, whatever you’ve heard, neither of us would wish him to come to any serious harm

James: Perhaps the more serious threat posed by my parents coming to fetch him is warranted, but a threat, and an empty one at that, is all it would amount to

Ava: I had considered it would be me getting the earful for disturbing them, understandable but not exactly what I’m after as a present, I can’t lie

James: I’d be lying if I suggested you’re wrong to think it, however I’d hardly call it understandable

Ava: No, still, I don’t know if my parents would behave any differently and until I am one, I probably shouldn’t judge

James: As one, I’ll gladly judge for the both of us

Ava: Sounds like a plan

James: My plan solely consists of locating and removing Teddy so you can enjoy the rest of your birthday

Ava: I appreciate the gesture, more so knowing how close to a military operation it is

James: It’s the least I can do when you’re behaving admirably and he’s letting the side down terribly

Ava: He can think of a suitable apology 🎁

Ava: You’ve gone above and beyond

James: Not yet, but I don’t intend to let you down

Ava: I have faith, not just because he’s too far gone to put up any sort of admirable fight

James: Thank you, I may need it, in spite of, or possibly because of, how far gone he is

Ava: I will offer you my assistance, of course

James: He’d be more inclined to listen to you, naturally

Ava: 🤔 I don’t know about that

James: Whether it says more about what I lack as an older brother or you evidently don’t as a party host is possibly up for debate, yes

Ava: I’d congratulate you on thinking of the conversation to cut the tension on your drive home but the aforementioned state of Teddy means you’ll have to settle for having it with me, if at all

James: Congratulations on your win, in that case, because there is no debate over the fact I possess glaring flaws whereas you have none conceivable either on the surface or at the current depth I’ve been allowed to dig, conversationally

Ava: I couldn’t possibly accept a win that easily, shall we call it even instead?

James: It’s impossible to when you’re being this gracious in victory, I must concede, I’m sorry

Ava: 😖 You have to let me offer the opportunity for a fairer debate, even if you decline

James: If I were a good person perhaps, but it’s been established the weaknesses in my character are numerous, you win

Ava: So you keep saying, but respectfully, I only have your word for that, after-all

James: And you’re too intelligent to let my word be enough for you given the previously stated shortcomings, of course

Ava: What can I say?

Ava: I like to come to my own conclusions

James: As you should

Ava: Sorry, even with you not driving, I’ve distracted you and kept your attention far too long

James: No, I’m sorry I can’t accept your apology

James: it’s been a pleasure, and that’s a feat given how little Teddy will provide on his end

Ava: I’ve enjoyed talking to you too

Ava: lack of stimulating conversation at this point in any party aside, the pleasure is all mine

James: The apology’s all mine that I haven’t exactly offered stimulating

Ava: It hasn’t been the opposite

James: Oh good, because it would be difficult to face you knowing I’d bored you up to that point

Ava: I can promise that you won’t be faced with disapproval either, you’ve guaranteed a far warmer reception than that

James: I’m far too used to disapproval to guarantee dying on the spot, I’m afraid

Ava: A novel party trick but I think I can live without it, you’re okay

Ava: This is a judgment-free zone, naturally

James: I do hope I’m not headed in the wrong direction

James: your address is still [what it is, like lol chelsea is a v shady and judgy zone], isn’t it?

Ava: Okay, you got me there 😜

Ava: I meant when you get behind the closed door, obviously

James: Well, I’m [minutes] away from the closed door, I suppose we’ll see

Ava: I will see you in [minutes]

James: [show up in those number of minutes, I’m imagining like 2 and use how tall you are to locate your brother wherever he may be and whatever he may be doing cos lbr you’ve done worse in terms of drunk and high messiness we all know it, unfazed by whatever scenes may be unfolding here, thank god you’re also strong and used to play rugby and shit for when you have to drag him out of here]

Ava: [however helpful you try to be girl, I feel like you will probably hinder proceedings because we know what Teddy is like, hence you gotta let this boy deal with it and just be watching in a less helpful manner]

James: [shamelessly distracted af by how stunning this girl is and the way she doesn’t look like a child how some teens do cos soz it would be easier for you to dismiss her and this vibe if she did, but keep that all to yourself and concentrate on how difficult it would be to get Teddy into the car because he’s a liability in the state he’s in, apologising again IRL for him even though you already have in writing because he’s that sort of bear and he genuinely is sorry for however much Teddy may have put a downer on her bday because been there done that as far as ruining many an occasion himself pre-rehab]

Ava: [just here having the same reaction because duh, how could you not, getting some random lads to help get this boy into this car whilst assuring James he doesn’t need to apologise because not his fault and we’re not devastated here]

James: [catch him lingering to say goodnight once Teddy has been chucked in the car and the car doors are closed like he’s just being polite and not lingering because never trying to rush home ever truly but especially not rn given that there is a vibe and you do feel it, hence adding happy birthday even though he’s also already said it in writing, going to do the posh person 2 kiss antics goodbye but just doing one in that way when you catch yourself like WHAT AM I DOING RN, but then it’s somehow more intimate and deliberate for that because you’ve just given her a kiss on the cheek and not the full thing which is nbd]

Ava: [going to say that he’s welcome to stay for a drink, or to come back, something along those lines but not knowing how to without feeling LAME because you’re sure he doesn’t want to be at your party, even with his liability of a brother out of the way, but you don’t have to say anything, nor could you, when he’s kissed you on your cheek like that, him being able to feel the heat from your face immediately paired with the !! way you say ‘thank you’ makes how you feel obvious enough]

James: [doing the kind of headshake that’s supposed to be oh no need to thank me casual energy but it’s paired with you basically running away to the car because you know on the one hand you should not have done that but on the other you very much want to turn the cheek kiss into a proper full goodnight one and are sure you would if you stood there for a literal sec longer so, very !! with how we’re fleeing the scene but still looking at her as he goes and through the car window when he’s in it]

Ava: [understandable and fair reaction, given how everyone knows everyone in this town and y’all know that, thus trying not to look too gutted stood here watching them leave but we still are and you know it]

James: [me like resist the urge to get out of the car and kiss her when you can see the look on her face however hard she’s trying not to look as gutted as you both feel, get out of here sir, you gotta, even though we all know your hand was literally on the door handle and you were so close to getting out it’s ridiculous]

Ava: [when you didn’t expect the other to be that hot and it’s like a love at first sight cliche up in here, dunno what you’re doing to recover from that, sis, you’re not, is the truth but you know

Ava: Safe travels, tell me when you’re home and he can’t get in any more mischief?

James: I’d tell you anything that’ll put your mind at ease, it is your birthday, after all

Ava: If only I were drunk enough to let the 🥳 power go to my head

Ava: Anything is so easily abused

James: Why aren’t you more intoxicated? If it isn’t too personal a question

Ava: Oh, my friend Razan doesn’t really drink, so I don’t really drink so she doesn’t feel alone with it

Ava: Sometimes I do, she has too but, yeah

James: I wasn’t expecting such a delightfully refreshing answer, I don’t know what to say now

Ava: I have painted myself as a much better friend than I’m sure she’d cop to me being 😅

Ava: I’ll have the drink you never, if you like

James: I would like that

Ava: [send the video evidence of you cheersing this drink, as if he wouldn’t believe you otherwise]

James: Thank you

Ava: Thank you

James: I shouldn’t really drink but I don’t have your willpower

Ava: Some crowds make it harder than others

James: Yes, they do

Ava: I should have mentioned the drink didn’t have to be alcoholic, I remember, when you went to rehab, purely through my sibling’s knowledge, of course

James: Your sister doesn’t let anyone forget things they’d prefer to

Ava: This is true, I’m glad you didn’t see the wall of embarrassing photos she assembled for everyone to laugh at

James: I remember what you looked like, embarrassing isn’t the word I’d choose

Ava: Oh God 😳 Promise you’ll keep any memories unfairly favourable?

James: Okay, unfortunate as it may be that you’ll have no reason to blush now I’ve agreed to those terms

Ava: I’m sure there’s reason to be found, still

James: It would be a great loss if not

Ava: I’m as sure you felt it

James: Yes

Ava: Should I apologise?

James: I should

Ava: Why?

James: I’m less sure why with every passing moment

Ava: I don’t need you to be sorry

James: What do you need from me?

Ava: James

James: Who do you want me to be, Ava? Because I can’t

Ava: I don’t need you to be anyone

James: I’m no-one

Ava: Of course you are, I just mean

Ava: It surprised me as much as you

James: You don’t understand what I mean, and how could you?

Ava: Try me

James: No, the surprise is all I can offer, that moment is

Ava: Okay

Ava: I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry

James: I don’t need you to be sorry either, I’m in the wrong, it was my mistake

Ava: You didn’t do anything, anyone can attest to that

James: You felt it

Ava: Yes

Ava: but I won’t say anything, I couldn’t, I’d sound delusional

James: No you wouldn’t

Ava: You’re older and gorgeous, and were just there to pick up your brother

James: Your beauty made me forget he exists, along with everyone else

Ava: I could make everyone else disappear for real

James: I wholeheartedly yearn for that to be true

Ava: I wouldn’t lie to you, just to have you here again

James: Your friends aren’t the problem

Ava: No, I know

James: The actual reasons I can’t be there again aren’t going anywhere

Ava: I understand

Ava: I won’t bother you anymore

James: I’m sorry

Ava: You have nothing to apologise for, I knew that

Ava: I’ll work on being more thoroughly ashamed

James: I have too many things to apologise for, I hope you never know the half of it, Ava

Ava: Maybe but not with me, to me

Ava: I get that that’s hardly comforting but it’s the best I can do

James: I hardly deserve your best

Ava: I suppose it’s not appropriate to offer, no

James: It’s a line I crossed first

Ava: Is it?

James: I’m older and you simply asked me to pick up my brother

Ava: And you did, you couldn’t possibly know how I would react to your politeness

James: But I could, I’ve done this before, have you?

Ava: I’ve been in your position

James: You’ve not been married, or a mother

Ava: I still betrayed someone’s trust

James: I made a promise to myself to stop

Ava: I won’t make you break it, I mean it, I’m sorry for how I behaved

James: It’s my behaviour which has to change

Ava: Perhaps but I can take my share of the blame in this scenario

James: But I refuse to blame you, it isn’t your fault you’re utterly captivating

Ava: I could have tried to hide my eagerness, not looked at you how I know I did

James: Are you in any way convinced that would make the slightest difference to me?

Ava: Maybe, I’m not sure

Ava: Obviously I got here without encouragement from you so in theory it wouldn’t matter the other way around

James: It wouldn’t have mattered how persistent you were in attempting to conceal how you felt, neither of us could successfully

Ava: Can it just exist, as a moment

James: It does

Ava: Yes

James: And it makes no difference how vehemently I try to rein in my thoughts of it

Ava: It’s like you never left and were never here simultaneously

James: Perhaps it can’t wholly exist as a moment when it transcends that

Ava: You can’t control what you dream about, no one can

James: Control isn’t my forte

Ava: That seems to be mutual

James: I’d give it so willingly over to you

Ava: I wish I could say I could be trusted with it

James: I’m not to be trusted with anything, especially you

Ava: I can look after myself

Ava: I know tonight isn’t a great reflection of that but it really was about him not getting his head kicked in at first

James: I know that, and I was sincere when I said you behaved admirably, you were very responsible

Ava: Until I saw you, yeah

James: You didn’t do anything wrong

Ava: Neither did you

Ava: If we can agree to that then… no harm, no foul?

James: I agree to you being a good girl

Ava: You do?

James: Completely

Ava: Oh

Ava: in that case, I can take away my sorry, for now?

James: Yes

Ava: I was only sorry you left, truthfully

James: I’ll always be sorry I couldn’t stay

Ava: We’re left with the endless possibility of what if you had

James: [bringing back him writing her a story of what if he had and we all know where that’s going, just pour all this tension and these feels and everything you wanna do but can’t down into it sir, being shamelessly saucy on main rn for how chaste that kiss was and what they’ve admitted to so far, thank god that isn’t gonna backfire]

Ava: Jesus Christ

Ava: Was the aim there to satiate any need I have for you or to make the longing ache that much worse?

James: Even if my ambition were the former, I’m consumed by thoughts of the latter, knowing that too is a possibility which exists

Ava: I can all but guarantee it as a certainty now

Ava: how good you are with words was entirely unknown, I couldn’t see that so plainly the moment you walked in the door

James: However, a guaranteed certainty would leave me at a loss for words

Ava: But I want to keep talking with you

James: Ava

Ava: Please

Ava: Just a while longer

James: Who am I to refuse your polite request?

James: particularly when I’m as reluctant to let the moment pass

Ava: I have rather put the pressure on myself to continue to be entertaining but

Ava: I’m determined to do my best, worth the risk

James: Determination is a commendable quality

Ava: Too bad you’ve already called me a good girl, you’ll have to think of another compliment if I keep on being so commendable

James: My own eagerness has put me under some pressure, but I’d feel no shame in falling back on emphasis to assert how good of a girl you are, should other words and ideas continue to escape me

James: in fact, truthfully, I have a strong urge to reiterate regardless

Ava: As much as I adore hearing it, reiterated somehow more so still…

Ava: How do you know? I can’t believe anything about my behaviour around you portrayed me as angelic

James: You did save Teddy from himself, lest we forget when he does

Ava: Ah, yes, I probably should hold that over his head, you’re right

James: As will I

Ava: I can only imagine the mood he will be/is in once he gains enough consciousness, I feel bad, truly

James: I don’t have to imagine it, there’s additional proof of the good girl you are

Ava: I feel as if I’m wasting these blushes, who else wants to see them quite as bad as you?

James: I’m convinced you’ve managed to amass a significant amount of admirers

Ava: Seeing red isn’t the phrase I’m looking for but the blush is clearly clouding my vision because anything further away than my screen and this conversation has just faded into nothing

James: It wasn’t my intention when I told you to enjoy the rest of your birthday, but upon gaining your full attention, it would be remiss of me not to endeavour to do my best to keep it

Ava: You won’t feel put upon, will you?

Ava: That would be unforgivable on my end, birthday or otherwise

James: Your vision must be clouded if you believe yourself capable of unforgivable acts, against me or otherwise

Ava: I know what I am capable of all too well

Ava: For better and worse

James: You’ll make me blush, and it won’t be worn nearly as well

Ava: I can’t believe that, the contrast would be insane

Ava: Obvious bleach involvement on his end, you’re nothing like your brother lookswise

James: I bear a striking physical resemblance to my father, for better and worse, whereas he favours our mother, in looks and in most other aspects

Ava: Aha, that’s how the puzzle pieces together

Ava: I’m not convinced I’ve ever seen your father, not that I am an avid attendee of every school match or whatever

James: The general consensus seems to be, once encountered, rarely forgotten

James: make of that what you will

Ava: I know I’m only really interested in getting to know you

James: While there’s less to know, hopefully what’s discovered is at least slightly more appealing

Ava: Pro and con of being from the same postcode, the dirty laundry is accounted for always

Ava: In this instance, I promise you, I have nothing to say about yours

James: Yes, the proximity is a definite blessing for my brother tonight, but who’s to say it wouldn’t curse me?

Ava: I understand

Ava: like it makes perfect sense you couldn’t think of staying, Teddy aside

James: I fear I’d end up on a vastly different sort of list

Ava: Hey, it was my 16th, that can’t have escaped your notice 😏

James: I wasn’t blind to the decor, no

Ava: Frowned upon, perhaps, on the register, definitely not

James: Taking refuge in the legalities of something tends to be the actions of a person without another, in my experience

Ava: You’re not doing a law degree too, are you?

James: Absolutely not

Ava: Oh, thank GOD

Ava: that would be awkward; what are you studying?

James: Business at King’s, barely

Ava: Why do I feel as if your heart and soul is not in that declaration 🤔

Ava: A practical, all-rounder sounds as if I’m describing a car or nanny but-

James: You’re unlikely to encounter me at the open day leading a tour, prized poster boy I am not

Ava: A shame, to the class of [whatever year it would be]

Ava: You would look incredible on the side of a bus

James: A source of my father’s greatest, to hear him discuss my progress with my graduate sister over Sunday dinner, though that’s neither here nor there

James: thank you for the incredible compliment

Ava: Ahh, is she the golden goose? Nance would have it that I am but until I get into a Uni like Trinity, I dunno about that

Ava: I DID realise after sending it almost sounded like a threat but I am glad you can feel my intentions were only to tell you how attractive you are, again

James: I’m flattered, Gia less so with the plausible farmyard animal comparison, but I’ll resolve to keep it to myself however tense the next family meal becomes

Ava: I’ll plead being just a kid if the situation calls for it, a vaguely drunk one at that, we can play up how tipsy I’m not

James: Vaguely drunk is a prerequisite to survive as opposed to a valid excuse for behavioural missteps, that said, your age, given Teddy is the notable benchmark, should save you

Ava: I don’t love that we’re both the 👶s

James: No, visualising yourself on the children’s table is apt to elicit an unwelcome blush

Ava: I am going to have to demand you stop that line of thought right now

Ava: the fact that I’ll never be invited to Sunday dinner is reason enough you have no need

James: I’m surprised you haven’t been invited by Teddy for the stir it would cause

Ava: A lot of things he says are to be ignored or at least not taken seriously, I’ve found

James: An astute observation

Ava: If you plan to ask me out, it will have to be somewhere else with less company

James: Are you planning to ignore or not take it seriously if I do?

Ava: That would be a terrible plan, definitely not

James: Okay, I’ll consider making a declaration I’m able to put more of my heart and soul into

Ava: I will wait as patiently as anticipation allows

James: I should be the one waiting, ideally until you’re 18 or 19

Ava: That’s not possible

James: I’m patient

Ava: but

Ava: I’m not

Ava: and you’ll forget

James: Forgetting is impossible, you can rest assured

James: every stolen glimpse of you is etched into my memory

Ava: You say that now, I’d be the insane person turning up on your door in 2 years time

Ava: We could be friends, couldn’t we?

Ava: Where’s the harm in that?

James: Of course you wouldn’t, by the time we could meet somewhere as you suggested you’ll have already recognised this for the bad idea it is, I’m prepared for that to take mere days

James: friends? I suppose, yes, without any harm coming to you

Ava: If you want to just brush me off, that’s okay, you know

Ava: Gutting but allowed, of course

James: I don’t want to, eviscerated is the perfect description of how I’d feel too

Ava: You’ve even made that sound tempting

Ava: It’s, as you pointed out, a much worse idea for you, I can recognise that

James: Nothing is more tempting than pretending, or allowing you to believe, that this is possible

James: but it isn’t, my wants are secondary

Ava: You have to think of your kids

Ava: Of course

James: My own desires are forfeit and I don’t get to live according to them for an abundance of reasons

Ava: Never?

Ava: That must be difficult

James: Don’t feel sorry, it’s a rod I forged for my own back a long time ago

Ava: It isn’t anyone’s choice to have a baby so young but I’m sure you’ve done the best you can

James: That isn’t the only choice which led me here

Ava: No one choice makes a life, naturally

James: I’ve done so far from my best, but I’m trying now, I really am, to be a better father, husband, brother, and son

Ava: It’s admirable, James

Ava: I have no intentions of getting in the way of those goals

James: You are in the way of them

Ava: I won’t be

James: No, it’s actually me in my own way, I realise that

Ava: We can agree the moment was mutual

Ava: but you’ve explained your situation, I won’t push the issue

James: I’ve taken up too much of your birthday explaining it, I’m sorry

Ava: Don’t be

Ava: however incredibly sad it will make me sound, this was still nice

James: The situation is sad, it’s an important distinction to draw, pointing out you aren’t and shouldn’t be

Ava: I appreciate that, James

James: I didn’t intend to cast any degree of a shadow over your 16th and I hope you know how deeply I regret doing so

Ava: That’s the thing, I don’t want you to feel badly

Ava: A what-if isn’t anything to apologise for

James: Perhaps that’s where our outlooks differ too wildly to do anything except agree to disagree

Ava: You’re not to blame, that’s all

James: I could be, all too easily

Ava: Not here, not with me

James: If only I were there with you

Ava: I don’t know if I’d be capable of keeping my word of not getting in your way

James: I know I wouldn’t hold you to it

Ava: Yeah, what sort of would-be friend would that make me?

James: The sort I desperately need

Ava: I can be that kind of friend

James: Sometimes I have to be pushed, Ava

Ava: Everyone needs to respect and make room for their own desires

Ava: Denying it doesn’t work

James: A what if doesn’t work for me

Ava: Give me what does

James: Promise me you aren’t going to change your mind before I can offer you anything

Ava: I’m not, I promise you, so easily

Ava: I want this, whatever it is

James: I want to see you again

Ava: Then it’s happening, when?

James: When will your party be over?

Ava: If I started hinting now, it would take the stragglers [however long is realistic, clearly more like an hour or two, not straight up throwing everyone out ‘cos that would be a weird vibe for Ava lol]

James: Okay

Ava: You said you were patient

James: I am

Ava: I wish I was

James: I like that you’re not

Ava: 😖

Ava: That’s mean

James: It means the gift I’m finding you is going to be well received, along with my arrival, I can’t help being thrilled, my apologies

Ava: How clever, to get me a gift on the one day I can’t insist you don’t have to

Ava: I want everyone to leave so badly, I would even if all I was left with was my thoughts of you and not the possibility of the real you

James: I can’t insist on being the gift myself, not sincerely

Ava: I’ll say it so you don’t have to

James: I’ll blush so you aren’t, this once

Ava: God, you’re lovely

James: I’m just hoping it’ll encourage you to demand your friends leave quicker, no other motives

Ava: I admire how shameless that one is

Ava: What’s a good excuse for being less than the hostess with the mostest?

James: I could make a noise complaint, we are almost neighbours

Ava: You’re very plausible, too

James: Providing I omit the details of my issue being you aren’t yet making the noises I want you to

Ava: That’s just for us

James: You’re a good girl, I trust you won’t prompt your real neighbours to file a genuine complaint

Ava: Do you?

James: Well, I believe you’ll try very hard

Ava: I’m less concerned with their complaints than your praises

James: If I’m patiently waiting for us to have privacy, I’d prefer nothing interrupted it

Ava: The neighbours are understanding/the walls are thick, we won’t be interrupted by anyone

James: I can therefore focus on your praises

Ava: I insist

James: It is your birthday

Ava: You’re very kind

James: How like you to praise me instead

Ava: God, how insufferable

Ava: I just can’t help it

James: I’ll gladly suffer you, whatever it is you want to subject me to

Ava: James

James: Ava

Ava: I don’t want any of my friends to mistake my need for you to be here now as me changing my mind on their departure

James: I’m distracting you from your crucial task, forgive me

Ava: Please don’t stop

James: I don’t think I could even if you were begging me to

Ava: The list of things I am going to beg for from you is extensive but we both know that isn’t on it

James: You’ve erased stop from my vocabulary

Ava: I can’t be sorry, I truly can’t

James: Whether or not I become utterly speechless, neither can I

Ava: You did so much with just a look, you’re going to unravel me entirely

James: Your reaction made a goodbye kiss feel like I’d never find the words or inclination to leave you

Ava: However impractical, I can admit to not wanting you to, the begging was silent but shameless

James: You’ll give voice to it for as long as you still have one, I’ll admit I crave that

Ava: I don’t want to scare you, my feelings for you are so intense, I haven’t felt this this soon before

James: I’m not afraid of intensity

Ava: I feel like I knew that, could tell

James: I haven’t felt anything at all in such a long time, I welcome everything you do, everything you make me

Ava: I’m going to do everything I can then, you deserve to feel this

James: I don’t want to put pressure on you to revive me

Ava: Just let this be, what we know it is, I’m not scared

James: You’re clearly full of life, my aim isn’t to steal it along with every moment I can

Ava: This moment is yours

James: Because you’re mine in it

Ava: Yes I am, entirely

James: Please

Ava: I need you to take me and make me yours, James

James: My patience has limits

Ava: Good, it would be upsetting to imagine you’re not losing it too

James: Imagine me coming undone, I am

Ava: That makes me feel so happy but also

Ava: sad it’s not something I can see, feel

James: You will, darling

Ava: I have to, as many times as we can, until you can’t bear to leave but have to again

James: I can’t bear to wait, your friends have to leave

Ava: It’s actually making me angry, I swear I am doing as much as I can

Ava: however all-consuming thoughts of being yours are

James: It isn’t your fault I can’t direct my disappointment at them, if we weren’t forced to prioritise discretion they’d already be gone

Ava: If we weren’t forced to prioritise discretion, they could stay, give a damn who else was here as long as you were

James: An audience is an all-consuming thought

Ava: God knows what you’re doing to me deserves recognition

Ava: I’ll do my best to make sure you know

James: You deserve higher acclaim than I could ever give you

Ava: I can’t even list all the things you’ve said to and about me that are just

Ava: Call me your good girl, yours specifically and I can die happy

James: I’ll do my utmost to immortalise you, pen to paper

Ava: You will?

James: [send her what you’ve already written about this first meeting, clearly written down when you were stuck in the car trying to ignore your state of a brother and thinking you’d never see her again]

Ava: You could do that for a living

Ava: I now, somewhat selfishly, think you should

James: Regrettably, my living was decided for me prior to your consideration

Ava: Pen names and lunch breaks it is, that’s too much of a talent to waste

James: You should pick my pseudonym

Ava: I will have to read more great romances, for suitable comparison

James: [give her some book and author recs like the nerd you are]

Ava: I’m going to go [to one of the cool London bookshops] tomorrow and buy every one

James: I wish I could come with you

Ava: Can I keep you up to date, with my read-throughs?

James: I insist

Ava: 🥰

James: I won’t be a hypocrite and likewise demand that you go on to study them when you reach uni age

Ava: If you’d reconsider and be my poster boy, I could be persuaded I think

James: I’ll persuade you to find and pursue your own passions independent of me and my interests, I think

Ava: Such a perfect answer

Ava: It’s close, anyway, I want to do journalism

James: You’ll be an asset

Ava: I hope so, it can never get boring, nor is it ever going out of business so

James: I have every confidence in you beating me in the race to be published

Ava: As long as we agree to share the 🍾 and 💐 regardless

Ava: I have faith in your long-awaited debut, all the best authors do their best work in middle age anyway, don’t they? [list the ones you know that do because quite common]

James: [likewise pop off about that and authors who didn’t get published until they were really old or dead too, we know the vibes, because this poor man has no faith in himself]

Ava: You’re going to be appreciated in your lifetime, trust me

James: You strike me as someone I can trust

Ava: A compliment I intend to honour

James: I’m honoured

Ava: You’re adorable

Ava: and I believe all my friends should be well away if you tell your driver to turn around now

James: You’re impressive, I’d anticipated a far lengthier wait

Ava: I fear I may have started pouting

James: Oh, what an image

Ava: I doubt you’ll get to see, so sorry

Ava: I don’t feel as if I can depend on my reaction to seeing you again being any sort of sane but I also don’t think I’ll be pouting about it

James: When I leave, perhaps, but I would rather you didn’t think about that

Ava: Not until I have to

James: Yes, as a last resort

Ava: It’ll be summer soon, I’ll have all the time in the world for pining

James: I’ll add to your reading list to ensure you have no time to languish in want of me

Ava: I don’t know

Ava: I might want to spend some of my time languishing

James: No, I’m sorry, the connotations are too negative, I don’t imagine you’d ever wilt, you’ll flourish in summer or indeed any season

Ava: You just want to add to my reading list, don’t you? 😏

James: Unequivocally

Ava: Then, of course, you must

Ava: I couldn’t possibly deny you such joy

James: Nor can I, hence you must enjoy your summer and not long for me

Ava: Okay, James

Ava: I promise I’ll try my best

James: Be a good girl

Ava: I have to now

Ava: another impossibility in turning you down

James: I promise too

Ava: What do you promise?

James: To match your efforts

Ava: A good promise

Ava: Thank you

James: Worthy of you

Ava: There is only one type of behaviour that is worthy of you, as we’ve established

James: Yes, realised and soon to be demonstrated

Ava: I need to

James: I need you to

Ava: If it isn’t, this doesn’t

Ava: live up to the moment, don’t tell me, I’ll already know and be dying inside

James: That’s unthinkable and I urge you not to even consider the possibility

Ava: It is, letting you down is making me feel quite ill

James: The idea you’d let me down is nonsensical, Ava

Ava: Ignore me, God, reading back how that sounds

Ava: I’m not as insecure as all that

James: You’re on edge, as am I

Ava: Precisely

James: We’ve both been waiting with bated breath for your friends to leave

Ava: Anticipation, whilst 99% thoroughly enjoyable, does leave room for those kind of thoughts to intrude, yes

James: Neither of us has ignored it, instead it’s been acknowledged for what it is

Ava: Like neither of us ignored the moment, precedents are being set

James: I’d like to think so, and that you’d feel comfortable sharing any of your current thoughts with me

Ava: Comfortable, yes

Ava: tempted to tell you to wait and see? Also yes

James: I’m as tempted to urge you, with the amount of time we’ve had to bide up to now

Ava: I don’t think my words can do justice to the images of how your face will look when I can touch you in ways I couldn’t in our brief meeting

James: [try and use your words to describe that in your writing a story manner purely because you’re clearly both dying at the prospect and you’ve gotta to kill some time before you can act on it]

Ava: How do I ask you to recite that to me when you get here without sounding deranged because

James: How would I begin to without acting similarly frenzied, may be a better question?

Ava: Breaks longer than a comma’s worth will be allowed

James: I’m not sure I can allow that

Ava: I think you’re right, that’s a terrible idea

James: Once you’ve consented to spend more time with me and I’ve had enough to reassure myself ours isn’t running out, there’s the slimmest chance I’d, possibly, reconsider

Ava: Do you truly imagine I wouldn’t?

James: At the risk of sounding insecure, yes

Ava: There is no world in which I don’t want as much of this as I can possibly steal, and more

James: The world I inhabit is a precarious one, it doesn’t tend to spin so much as wobble, I’m afraid

Ava: I’m not under any illusion you’ll be able to devote or promise anything to me, it won’t stop me reaching out and trying

James: I’ll devote myself to you when I get there, that’s a promise

Ava: And that’s all I need

Ava: and I’m going to make you feel that too

James: Okay, I’ll forgo imagining the worst

Ava: You and I have so much more to imagine

James: Would you have another drink for me?

Ava: Of course

Ava: Pick your poison

James: [pick the most appropriate fave drink from one of the authors she namedropped earlier when they were discussing being published, whichever is the most cheery and whoever got published the earliest/is the best because you just said you’d stop being a sad sack lol]

Ava: It’s a good thing the bar is always fully stocked

James: I recall it being

Ava: Terribly predictable of us

James: The familiarity is a pleasant antidote against the stranger feelings having prior recollections of your house conjures up

Ava: Understandable

James: Still, shall we pretend I don’t?

Ava: I can do that

Ava: Can you?

James: I’d like to, to envision a new world for us

Ava: A different experience to attach to the place could be antidote

James: And I’d wager you’re an entirely rare one

Ava: Besides, you’ve never been in my bedroom, could be anywhere

James: Our conversation alone has been incomparable, I’ve attached all manner of unique thoughts and feelings to the experience

Ava: It should be embarrassing, how out of my depth you make me feel

Ava: but it just makes me want to go deeper, realising how in the shallow end everyone else has been

James: I can do that

Ava: I know you can, please do

Ava: I told you, I want to get to know you, I should have said need to

James: [tell her how far you are away like you did when you were coming to pick Teddy up but not at all like that this time obvs lol]

Ava: [send him a picture of the drink you made and however much of it you have drank, which is more than a sip because you’re excited but not fully downing it because you’re too hyped up]

James: [the girls are !! in his case excited too but also nervous/terrified it’ll go tits up cos he’s that sort of bear, hence be a little nerd for a sec and tell her why you picked that drink for her aka all the author stuff I mentioned but he has not yet told her when he dropped the name of the drink and its recipe before, because you feel like you’ll be too extra if you’re just chit chatting about what’s about to occur cos it’s getting real now in terms of eta]

Ava: Now that makes so much more sense as your tipple of choice, was wondering what the [a weird ingredient because always tryna be quirky with it] was about 😁

James: Indeed, not mine, [author]’s

Ava: If I make another, I can leave it out as an offering for them

James: I am likely to need all the help I can get

Ava: I doubt that

James: [show her the rewrites you’ve already done on what you wrote and showed her earlier of your first encounter like lol it will never be a novel at this rate because I keep messing with it, but really we know you’ve made it more !! because that’s how y’all are feeling rn]

Ava: Okay, I’m absolutely not inviting any ghosts, however good they could write

Ava: It’s still too much distraction and that’s not allowed when I need you all to myself

James: And you’ve triple checked there are no living guests passed out anywhere overstaying their welcome?

Ava: The house is as big and as empty as ever

Ava: but I’ll do another loop

James: It’ll kill the remainder of the time before you can greet me as a guest

Ava: As long as you don’t believe this is how I greet all guests

James: I’m more inclined to believe getting you up and about is a wise move after [the weird ingredients]

Ava: Oh, is this a workout? 😅

James: It would be unfair of me to give you one if you’re having an awful reaction to [whatever this drink is called]

Ava: I’ve not gone from where I was to where Teddy was, drunk levels; but it was pretty strong, that is true

James: And you’ve gone from room to room with how many of them spinning, would you say?

Ava: James, I’m not drunk, I promise you

Ava: It hasn’t cut through the hum of electricity that was already running through me because of you

James: Your first answer was that of a tried and true drunkard, fortunately, you saved yourself and our evening with the second

Ava: You can’t call me a drunkard! What sort of guest…

James: No, we’ve clarified that you aren’t

Ava: I can spin around three times in the doorway, recite the alphabet backwards

James: Kiss me in the doorway, as you aren’t seeing double, you should have no reason to miss, giving me none to worry about conducting a further sobriety test

Ava: You may have to lean, just slightly, that’s not my fault though, all yours

James: To avoid hitting my head, yes, it would serve me right to be concussed in the aftermath of these jokes at your expense, but I’d prefer us both to be fully present

Ava: Nursing you wouldn’t be a terrible night for me but no, not my first choice either

Ava: Be here

James: I’m minutes away

Ava: Perhaps next time, I’ll insist you run

Ava: close enough it’s a kindness, not a cruelty

James: Perhaps I’ll insist on staying to haunt your empty house

Ava: Wouldn’t that be nice, perfect, even

James: Inspiring, the novel would practically write itself

1 note · View note