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❝𝐏𝐀𝐂: 𝐃𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞? 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈’𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮.❞

Your first time with your future spouse/current lover

(For virgins and/or those who are having it with a virgin lover)

Subliminal channel | Masterlist

Tips | Paid Readings

This is an intuitive reading, only pile 3 need two tarot cards from the lenormand deck.

Normal intuitive readings: @sefinaa

Author’s note,

I’ll be making an aftercare version of this. As for credit, @fantasticpoem, @notpr0g1rl and an anonymous person.

Divider

Pile 1

Your first time with your lover will be very cute and romantic. I’m feeling this romantic, red intimacy. I can see a dimly lit room with candles, specifically a yellow hue. I see rose petals near a bathtub as they spread out, showing a trail up to the bed, and then simply spread out onto the bed, inside the blanket, and on the pillow. This isn’t a honeymoon suit; I see this was currently done by your lover. I’m aware all of you are extremely insecure about not having sex and being a virgin, but you have or will have a lover who will treat you with the upmost respect and care during and after it. 

I see them wearing a suit because a majority of you are into it, and for those who aren’t, I see them having their shirt untucked and open so you can see their body. I also see them having slightly messy hair because they’re already hot and bothered by you. I see them already fantasizing about this exact moment for a week straight. They aren’t even perfectionists, but, in this moment, they are—they want you to have the best time and for you to feel comfortable with them. That’s the goal for them. 

I also see that, as you guys do have sex, they’re going to focus on the sensual part of sex. Soft, slow, and sensual sex with love bites around the earlobe and soft whispers of how you’re doing a good job. I hear a lot of breathy moments, or perhaps a lot of sexual breathing, and it feels hot around my ear. I also hear that they’re going to purposefully moan in your ear so you can feel flustered and so it’s ingrained into your brain. They want it to be a memory for you, so when you’re having a bad day, you can remember how good you made them feel. 

Another thing is that some of you read smut, so you assume you know what you’re doing and you will test it out with them, but it’s not going to work out the way you want. 

“You want to be a Dom? What a joke, sweetheart. You can’t even keep up with my energy, how are you supposed to please me, hm?”

I can feel dominant and masculine energy with them, and their voice when they’re horny is seductive as hell. I can feel my heart racing, so you will feel the same way. Excited, bothered for more, and extremely wet with them. 

Tips

Pile 2

I feel more of a rough energy with you guys. I wouldn’t say they’re going to make your body in pain during the act; it’s just.. expect a lot of hickies on your body because I don’t think they can handle it. You can set boundaries with them if you’d like too, though I see that a lot of you don’t care and some of you fantasize about it. And more people in this pile read smut books, mainly paper books, in front of your family or coworkers. I feel shameless energy. Whereas the others watch a lot of adult content that has rough and sensual sex. And your lover will notice this, or you already told them, so that’s why they will lose control during the act. 

Before you guys go fully into passionate lovemaking, they will immediately make out with you. I see you sitting on their lap, regardless of your gender, and it’s getting steamy. Lots of kissing sounds and noises. I see them grinding on you and bouncing up their leg. They will be softly grabbing your hair as they deepen the kiss. I feel like you will be sweating a bit, so your hair will be messy, and they will be using this to their full advantage. A little bit of choking here and there, nothing too painful—except if you want them to choke you hard, just ask. Don’t be shy. I’m getting a shy energy with the people you love. So don’t be shy; simply ask them, and they will. I don’t see any neck kissing, but I do see lip nibbling and their thumbs caressing your lips. 

Moving on to passionate lovemaking, there isn’t much to channel since it’s self-explanatory. I do see them pushing your face into a pillow or the bed sheets as they hit from behind, and if you’re a male, I see them either pegging you or letting you hit them from behind. I also see loud moans from you guys and grunting sounds. I hear music, so expect romantic/dirty songs to be played at a semi high volume. I can feel and see the bed shaking too, so if you have heard of people speaking about breaking the headboard during sex, that’s the vibe I’m feeling. 

 Tips

Pile 3

I don't see a lot of foreplay since you guys cannot control yourself with them and are too excited to make love with them. A word of advice: be careful with them because you will hurt them during it, but they will be too scared to say so. You will only realize it until they sob at the end. 

Moving on, your pile is filled with secrets; the both of you prefer to keep it on the low, so I’m actually feeling this is a casual or friends with benefit relationship.. or the start of it. This has happened spontaneously, hence the lack of foreplay. 

(I literally have been struggling for the past 2 weeks to channel your reading since the both of you are incredibly private, so I have decided to use two tarot cards in lenormand). 

The moon and the scythe. 

Your first time with your virgin partner will be filled with secret desires and fears. Both of you are going to be scared of what is happening, and why did both of you decide having sex was the logical choice. But as both of you know, it is also the right choice, hence the spontaneous decision. I can feel the fear in both of you as you make out very roughly and very passionately. A lot of moaning and whimpering at the same time and a lot of HEAT are portrayed. I hear that some of you are actually virgins hiding underneath this exterior of “I’m experienced” from fear with your last partners. There will be a lot of emotions going through both of you: excitement, fear, nervousness, and jealousy and/or anger. None of you want to be left behind after this, so none of you are going to go full-on into the passion. 

Neither of you even know that the other is a virgin, since you both are incredibly reserved. Even some of you open books; you have hid this from other people and have told them you aren’t a virgin due to vulnerability, trauma, and fears. And some of you feel like this situation will be a mistake or something that’s not meant to be, but it is, or else you wouldn't have stumbled upon this post or this pile. And if it was not truly meant to be, then I wouldn't have struggled to find out how both of you would act with each other. 

Tips

Hidden Selves

Being part of the BAU team was like being part of a family—a family that had seen me at my best and worst, a family that had supported me through thick and thin. But there was a side of me that I had always kept hidden, a side that only a few had glimpsed. And today, on this undercover operation with Hotch, that side of me was about to appear. 

As we assumed our roles and prepared to infiltrate the tight-knit community we were investigating, I couldn't help but feel a rush of nerves. Hotch and I had worked together countless times, but this was different. We were going undercover as a couple, and I had no idea how he would react to this new side of my personality. A part of me that he had never seen before. Something only the closest people to me ever got to see. But in this atmosphere, it seemed right to let it show through the façade I kept up, if only for a little while. 

The small, cozy town seemed like the perfect setting for our operation. Hotch and I had carefully crafted our backstory, memorizing every detail of our supposed relationship. As we interacted with the locals, I found myself slipping into my role effortlessly, my confidence growing with each passing moment. The person I was trying to perpetuate was someone that I already was, but my team didn’t know that since I kept myself pretty guarded on an everyday basis. 

But what surprised me the most was the way Hotch responded. He wasn't just a stern, by-the-book leader; he was engaging, charming, and surprisingly witty. It was as if a whole new side of him had appeared, one that matched my own undercover persona. I didn’t know the man much on a personal level, neither did he know me as such, but out of all the time we did get to spend together, I had would have never know the man could let go like he was doing in that moment. 

As we mingled with the townsfolk, I couldn't help but engage in playful banter with Hotch. The chemistry between us was undeniable, and it was exhilarating to let go of the reserved, shy exterior I typically wore in the office with him, and he seemed to think the same. 

At one point, as we were talking to a local shop owner, I made a sarcastic comment that drew laughter from the crowd. Hotch chuckled beside me, and I couldn't help but turn to him with a playful grin. It was a sound I wasn’t nearly as familiar with as I would have liked to be. It was something from Hotch that let me know that he was still human underneath the robotic, professional persona that he held throughout the work week. 

"This is a different side of you that I've never seen before," he remarked, his eyes sparkling with amusement. As we made our way through the crowded area. 

I shrugged, as I linked arms with him and let him drag me towards the catering tables. “Well, sometimes, when it’s needed, it’s good to let the walls come down. Don’t get me wrong I've still got my focus at the tasks at hand but there are those rare times in life that things will just fall into place when you are more... relaxed.” 

He smiled, a genuine warmth in his expression. "I like this side of you. It seems you talk more." The two of us shared another laugh and continued our evening with the townspeople, profiling each one with careful consideration. 

The operation continued smoothly, and as we gathered crucial information, I felt a sense of friendship with Hotch that I had never experienced before. It was as if the roles we were playing had allowed us to break free from our usual professional boundaries and just be with each other. 

As the operation concluded and we returned to the familiar world of the BAU, I couldn't help but reflect on the experience. It had been eye-opening, not only for me but also for Hotch. We had seen a different side of each other, a side that existed beyond the confines of our roles as colleagues. 

In the end, our undercover mission had not only brought us closer to solving the case but had also deepened the bond between Hotch and me. It was a reminder that even in the darkest moments of our work, there was room to let someone into your world inside the guarded walls that surrounded who you really are. 

What would it be like to be spock,s mate/ other half ?

This goes for a Non-Vulcan, gender-neutral reader 

Words: 841 

Warnings: none 

First off, Spock would cherish and love you very much – in his own way. 

So at fist it would take you some time to being able to read him and find out what his love language and way of showing his caring for you is. 

Maybe that first phase can be frustrating because it feels like he’s still rather distant. Tho he’d actually need some time to get used to the whole situation and know how to deal with it. 

But once you figured him out, so much he did earlier in the relationship would make sense. And of course anything else he does in the future. 

It would take him some time too to get to know and fully trust you before he will tell you about what he thinks (and feels if he does have a feeling for once) 

He will almost never say ‘I love you’ but use other words like ‘I cherish you’ or ‘You mean very much to me’ or ‘I must admit that I am feeling a sense of happiness I cannot and do not wish to suppress if I think about you having decided to be my mate’. 

Which, if you consider him being Vulcan, is something very sweet to say. 

He will always remember anything you told him and not forget any birthdays, anniversaries etc. and will also be able to gift you something that you maybe just mentioned in passing. 

He’s not the most touchy person – especially in the beginning – and will not often initiate physical contact with you. Or at least ask first like if you’d like a hug when you’re not feeling well. 

Which doesn’t mean he doesn’t like physical contact – it's just something he’s not used to and after a while he will even enjoy it when you just hug him. (But of course you respect his boundaries if he sets any and will also try to hold back some touches so you’re not constantly touching him) 

If you don’t work on the same ship as he does, your relationship often becomes long-distance, consisting mainly of regular calls. 

Which also means that moments he’s back with you are something to be cherished and enjoyed, making you try to spend as much time together as you can. 

He’d make it clear that he also has a responsibility to the crew and the ship. Meaning his work usually comes first. 

Then again, if he feels like your life is in danger he might even make a rash and not so logical decision sometimes.  

Your little quirks would amuse him to no end and he’d find them super cute but he’d never admit it. 

But if you mention them being silly, he will correct you, saying they’re a part of you and that he loves you as a person and you wouldn’t be you without your quirks, meaning he doesn’t want you without them. 

You totally could have long talks with him and sometimes the biggest challenge is that they don’t turn into a monologue of him where he’s talking and talking about a topic. (eg something scientific or one of their adventures they’ve been on) 

Of course you would introduce your families to each other and Amanda loves you from second one, treating you like a second child 

Sarek is of course more reserved about it all and he might seem scary at the beginning but with time you learn to read him too and that he means very well and is fond of you as well. 

Spock would teach you a lot about Vulcan and it’s culture while you try to show him things from your world and make him more open to them. And it’s much fun to see him try and struggle with some things (take Inline skating as a basic example) 

Jealousy would totally not be a thing. Because you know that if someone flirts with him it would be illogical if he paid attention to it (and might not even notice what they’re doing). And he trusts you too and knows that there is nothing he has to worry about if people try to flirt with you.  

However, there sometimes is the thought within him that he fears you could leave him for ‘someone better’, who is from your own race and would be able to show their love for you more openly. 

Meaning that then it’s up to you to comfort and reassure him that he’s the only person in the whole galaxy you want. 

It gets better once you get married because of the mating bond that would be done then.  

The wedding would be mixed, part Vulcan, part from your world. And it most likely would come to be when he’s experiencing Pon-Farr. 

But he has informed you about it and even proposed so he’d know that if it happens to him you will be willing to take him as your husband (or wouldn’t feel forced to just do it to save his life) and that it isn’t all totally surprising to you. 

Thank you so much for your ask and sorry this took a while.  (also I really hope I got it right and this was about what you wanted xD)

the thing about navigating queer spaces is that like... i'm in very different spaces than i was a few years ago, i'm a lot more in-tune with myself, my needs and my limits

being Assigned Dad by my friends and loved ones: fun, delightful, full of affection, sexy even, adds greatly to life's enjoyment

being Assigned Dad by random strangers w whom i do not have a connection: honestly weird, sometimes an overstep of boundaries, often uncomfortable

like there's such a difference between being out w my friends or home and like... being The Dad about being ~responsible~ or getting things done, or making jokes about how i'm being dad-coded when i'm struggling to send an email bc i'm 97 years old, etc

like esp within the constructed family unit of an intimate queer gathering, it's positive in many ways and comes off as very loving, bc so much of it is based in recognising traits of mine and connecting based off them

when strangers assign me dad traits, or treat me as a paternal figure, like

so there's a sort of labour in some queer communities that's often dropped on the shoulders of butches and trans men and mascs - there's the stereotypical DIY and also acting as "muscle" for other queers

but there's also often an expectation that because we're the "men" in the community (whether all of us are men or not), we have to take a position of being steadfast, less outwardly emotional, less demanding, etc. we're sometimes expected to stoically take abuse and act as shields for other members of the community who are supposedly more likely to be targeted by cisheteropatriarchal violence, and it's also sometimes treated as like...

bc of expectations of a certain toxic masculinity, when we do show vulnerability or emotional, when we express desires to be cared for or treated softly, this is sometimes treated as a negative thing, something that makes us less attractive and less desirable, etc

as a gay man and particularly as a really obvious fruit, i'm cognizant that i don't experience this nearly to the extent of many more masculine trans men, mascs, and butches, and esp those who are primarily intimate with women and fems, but i do see it in my communities and i do experience a little of it

and absolutely like. i do position myself on the outside of groups when we're moving as a crew, i do tend to take the front or back of the group, i'm generally more on the lookout than others; i'm also dad-coded in my tendency to keep ppl to a schedule or en route, i'm good (but cold) in a crisis, etc

but idk, like... i'm not a community dad. i'm not everybody's dad.

there's a certain desexualisation that comes with that that i think makes me really uncomfortable? it's a combination of the label being desexualising, this idea of like... if i'm the "dad" in a group, i'm not being viewed as a sexual being in the context of that group, and it's not about whether i actually want to fuck anybody there bc i typically don't, it's more like

the idea of that aspect of my humanity being set aside, because i'm being reduced to my role as caregiver/potential caregiver to the group rather than in my entire being as a member of the same community

and also, yeah, it's the expectation of that sort of caregiving labour where like... i am so happy to help, so much of the time. i will help when and how i am able to. but i'm also physically disabled, have continuous issues w fatigue, etc, and when ppl continuously bring problems to me when they're perfectly capable of being self-reliant, that's really hard for me, i think

esp now i feel like i'm not being pushed into those dad-esque roles in the same way - a friend of mine might sardonically say "thanks, dad" when i'm being particularly rigid about something, but i'm just as likely to get a "thank you, daddy" when i'm either particularly stern or particularly nice, and daddy i think actually is a lot better even though i'm not a daddy

lots of thoughts, lots of feelings.

Round 1 Part 1 Poll 1

Propaganda

I love [Luffy] so much. He is my most favoritist sunshine child ever. He is 17 at the start and 19 post skip and is one of the most infamous pirate captains out there. He is not a hero. But he will fight to protect what is His. This includes objects as well as people. And honestly ideas too. None of his crew set out to be his crew but each would lay down their life for him, tho he 100% expects them to Fight for him (as he would and they would too). He is an idiot but he is going places! He doesn’t care about knowing anything extra, just the very basics of the goal and who is with/against him and who is a bystander. Boy is beautiful inside and out. Plus his greatest treasure (hat aside) is his freedom and that he is 100% willing to share with anyone he sees oppressed. Also, his ships are equally important and even thought Merry is no longer sailing, she deserves all the love. Just like how Sunny has yet to make her biggest contribution, but is still worthy of all the seas.

Buddy Aurinko is a sci-fi thief who once made a career out of completing extremely flashy heists with her girlfriend, Vespa Ilkay. As of canon, though, she captains the little space cruiser that is the Carte Blanche, having recruited a small group of thieves that she almost singlehandedly turns into a found family. She is compassionate, strong willed, and likes to psychoanalyse her crewmates Extremely well, with a general awareness of their boundaries in mind. She is also canonically disabled, having only one organic eye (the other is a prosthetic) and having had several organs such as her stomach and heart replaced due to radiation poisoning. She's cool and she's badass ♡

PAC ⋆ the worst date you will ever have

reminder that this is a general reading and messages found here may not apply to everyone. take what resonates, leave what doesn't, and don't force anything if it does not fit.

BOOK A READING WITH ME · BOOK A 2024 YEAR AHEAD READING WITH ME (GENERAL OR NSFW) · LINKTREE · 18+ PATREON · TIPS ♡ tips, bookings, and feedback are highly appreciated!

GROUP ONE

cards · two of swords, the high priestess, eight of cups, strength, ten of pentacles, queen of cups. 

channelled songs · cozy by beyonce. friday i'm in love by the cure. lovers rock by tv girl. no snakes by cable. 

my dear group one ♡ the worst date you will ever have will honestly not even be that bad. i’m thinking of a bad date i had last year, where while the date itself had been bad, the aftermath is something i look upon fondly -- i had a lovely chat with the security guard outside the restaurant, then took my brother to this quaint little market that gets held every saturday, and bonded with my friends and family by complaining and laughing about the experience with them. 

so this bad date will be much like this, though, in your case, it might bring you and the person you’re on a date with closer together. especially as this may not be your first date together, and a precedent has already been set that your dates are good. especially, as well, as a lot of things that make this date ‘bad’ are out of either of your control.

you may have plans to go to one restaurant, only to be told that you don’t have a reservation there -- even though you both know that you did make one. you’ll argue about this reservation and show proof that you made the reservation, only to be told there’s nothing the restaurant can do. 

you’ll have to go  looking for another restaurant, which may be annoying as you’re both all dressed up and not exactly dressed to walk from place to place. you may settle for a cheaper restaurant that doesn’t need a reservation -- one that you both have visited in the past -- only to get there and see that it’s also full. 

you’ll end up going back home, miserable and frustrated at the way the night turned out. you may grumble and complain. but your partner will turn things around by deciding to cook for you. and while they may not be that good of a cook, the effort and the conversation -- the genuine care you feel for each other -- is what will make this enjoyable. 

GROUP TWO

cards · seven of cups reversed, six of cups, eight of swords, eight of pentacles, nine of wands, the devil. 

channelled songs · hallelujah jonghyun. say my grace by offset. the beach by vince staples. wtf i want by megan thee stallion. 

my dear group two ♡ the worst date you will ever have may put you out of the dating scene for a long while. this date may be with a friend or coworker, with someone who you find physically attractive but do not know all too well. you will get along well in your daily life -- as acquaintances or colleagues -- and so when they ask you out on a date you feel absolutely overjoyed. 

only for the date itself to completely ruin your image of this person. the scene from white chicks comes to mind, where terry crews’ character goes on a date with one of said chicks, who does everything in her power to ruin his image of her -- eating messily, being crude, and burping. in your case, however, it will not be intentional on this person’s part.

they will bring up their ex a lot, complaining about how the relationship ended and how this ex was an awful person -- following up with stories and examples that makes you realise this person, not the ex, was entirely in the wrong. 

they may eat or drink a lot, chew with their mouth open, and otherwise just carry themselves in a way that immediately makes them unattractive to you. and the more that they drink, the more touchy they become, encroaching on your space and being overly flirtatious. not keeping to themselves no matter how much you try to push them away and set a boundary that you’re not interested in taking the night any further. 

they may try to kiss you and try to take you home, and while you may have been interested in the idea at the beginning of the date, at the end of the date you just want to run out of there. especially as the jokes they tell, which are unfunny and filled with crude sexual innuendo, only get worse as the date drags on and act as the final straw for you. 

GROUP THREE

cards · knight of wands, strength, the world, ten of pentacles, page of wands, nine of wands. 

channelled songs · no more ma boy by sistar19. dna. by kendrick lamar. i was king by one ok rock. greedy by tate mcrae. 

my dear group three ♡ the worst date you will ever have may be with someone in a position of power. or someone with some kind of authority over you. this may be someone wealthier than you, more stable than you, and may be someone you look up to -- like a professor, manager, or a celebrity that you admire. and all these things come together to make you utterly nervous about this date, even as you are utterly excited for what will ensue. 

you’ll be entranced in the beginning, as this person will go out of their way to spoil you. bringing you a bouquet of flowers and picking you up in a luxury car. you’ll feel awed, loved, and appreciated. 

but the date itself will make you feel as if you are completely out of your depths. they may go out of their way to ensure your date is as private as possible and that you are comfortable as possible -- the latter, because they are taking your power imbalance into account. they will choose the place -- which will be a place they’re familiar with -- and, thus, you will run into a lot of their friends and colleagues. these friends and colleagues may be as famous, wealthy, established, or intellectual as them, which will make you feel insecure. 

you’ll feel as if everyone is looking down on you and making fun of you. that to even be asked out of this date was a joke that everyone is in on but you. you’ll look around the room and feel like you just don’t fit in. that you don’t belong. and that it was obvious to everyone but you, from the very moment that you walked in. 

this will be mostly projection on your part. your partner will pick up on your anxieties and try to put you at ease, but you’ll be so in your head that you won’t believe them. you might have a panic attack or feel like crying, to the extent that you have to excuse yourself and run to the bathroom to take a moment to breathe or to break down into tears. you may end the date early, which leaves your partner feeling confused because -- as far as they know -- they hadn’t done anything wrong.

GROUP FOUR

cards · ace of cups, nine of wands, six of swords reversed, the chariot, strength, nine of pentacles.

channelled songs · obsessed with you by central cee. sparkling by chung ha. no blueberries by dpr ian. as it was by hozier. 

my dear group four ♡ the worst date you will ever have will be with an established partner. you may be in a long distance relationship, and when you finally get to see each other you are absolutely overjoyed. you are thinking about all the things you will do together, all the cuddles and kisses you will share, all the dates that you will go on. you even think that this may be when you finally get engaged -- something you’ve wanted for a long time, and something that you thought they wanted just as much. 

up to this point, all your conversations may have been about the future. about how you plan to marry and spend the rest of your lives together. 

but on this date, this will all fall apart. surprising you. actually, shocking you. you’ll go out on this date, all dressed up and holding hands and not really feeling like anything is different. they may be on edge, so you’ll think that it’s just because the proposal is coming or because they want to tell you something important. you won’t think too much about it, figuring you can ask when you sit down for dinner. 

when you do ask, they’ll heave a deep sigh and tell you that they didn’t know how to bring it up but they think you should break up. 

you’ll feel your world shatter around you. you’ll feel confused. you’ll feel like you’re in physical pain. this may lead to an argument in this restaurant and may lead to you running out, tears streaming down your face; unsure about what to do now that this person has so plainly told you that they no longer love and want to be with you. 

i will never get over the "jeremiah's a bad brother" from the con-gave-me-a-rash supporters. especially if you add in the "conrad is an amazing brother" bc what. did we watch the same show? conrad consistently uses jeremiah's insecurities against him and makes him feel bad for not knowing things that conrad specifically keeps from him. and the difference between jeremiah finding out about bonbad vs conrad finding out about jellyfish does matter. bc jeremiah said "he'll break your heart" (if one more person is like "he pulled the cancer card" i'll lose my mind, he JUST found out abt it ofc they're intertwined emotions, and conundrum's whole personality is the cancer card so what?) and stops talking to belly, but is perfectly polite to them and privately, kindly, and calmly sets a boundary with conrad. conrad asks if belly only kissed jeremiah to make him jealous (which is so fucked, jesus), and then makes some weird creepy allusion to crashing the car bc he's mad, slut shames jeremiah, calls jeremiah (and belly but this is abt conrad and jere) stupid, picks at jeremiah, asks who the better kisser is, tells him he doesn't know belly, and then refuses to talk to jeremiah until jeremiah forces him to. and he's supposed to be the better brother? also, the "conrad asked for jeremiah's blessing first, jeremiah didn't" one, he at least knew a little bit that jeremiah and belly had a thing, hence why he texted her at the party, and then kissed her anyway. THEN after finding out jeremiah had feelings for her he says "it's jere, he doesn't take anything seriously, be with me" and then when belly (bc if it was up to him they'd be together) said she didn't wanna get together until jeremiah was okay with it, he lied to her to get with her. everyone talks abt the scene where he finds jere doing the bills alone and leaves him there after manipulating him into getting his blessing, but nobody talks about the line jere has "i can't believe you'd come here like this" bc he hasn't been there. he came home to ask jeremiah for his blessing and nothing else. he didn't even try to help jere with the bills. then asks jeremiah if he wants a medal when he talks about how hard it was taking care of susannah? yes, jeremiah shouldn't have said what he said, but the difference is this is one fight that's been bottled up for months, vs conrad consistently crossing the line and hurting jeremiah. him telling him to grow up was soooo unfair. he always picks at jeremiah's insecurities and blames jeremiah for forgiving adam when we don't even know if jeremiah (in the show) knows abt him cheating, and adam is the only family jeremiah (barely) has left. two, conrad getting with belly was planned, belly and jeremiah's kiss wasn't. three, conrad confessed his feeling to belly the night before her and jeremiah's wedding. that's. so. fucked. but jeremiah goes to their wedding, belly blows him a kiss and he just turns away. he tells him he just wants them to be happy. he even tells belly he won't be upset if she chooses conrad in s2. he convinces belly and conrad to talk about their feelings in s2. but the firework, a single fight, and a kiss make him a terrible person.

Hello, and thanks again for sharing your thoughts on my previous ask.

More random thoughts to share! : -D

At the end of the fight with Jun Wun, Xie Lian props up his bamboo hat to shield Jun Wu from the rain. That really stood out to me. Jun Wu tormented him for so long. Most people would spit on his body and burn it. Haha, maybe not all that, BUT, they wouldn't give him any sliver of kindness and that would be expected. Xie Lian doing so is just another tell of how much compassion he has for others, and it just blows me away. I couldn't help but see the parallels between what he did for Jun Wu there and the kindness the man with the bamboo hat showed him. I'm still thinking on this a bit, but...Xie Lian had people who loved him (Hua Cheng) and showed kindness to him (the man with the bamboo hat) even at his lowest. I wonder, even if unconsciously, if he wanted to provide some hope to Jun Wu that he can move forward past the worst part of himself. Not saying at all that Xie Lian wants to be part of that process, simply that once Jun Wu is no longer trying to actively harm him or others, he doesn't have any ill will to him. (but even that is over simplifying things - I'm sure Xie Lian could have bad days where he does). But that's my vague thought on this... Xie Lian is able to see the good in people even while not dismissing the bad they've done. To me, it seems he tries to nurture that as much as possible. What are your thoughts on that scene though? :) __________

Interestingly enough, Xie Lian has the hardest time with Qi Rong's personality. Qi Rong is mean-spirited, self-aggrandizing, and cruel as a child, and even more so as a ghost. By the time he's a wrath ghost and we see him facing off with Hua Cheng and Xie Lian, he's really quite pitiful. He can't even see how pathetic he is and it really comes off like a child begging for any attention he can get, even if it's bad attention. Xie Lian's feelings towards him are very complicated. I find it a little ironic and sad because it really does seem that if Qi Rong had had a much firmer and consistent hand in discipline, boundaries and love, that things could've been different for him. Maybe Xie Lian could have when they were young and both alive, but Xie Lian had so much going on himself and honestly, Xie Lian was still a child himself! The adults needed to step in at that time. And when Xie Lian is old enough, I think he's realized he just can't with Qi Rong. For whatever reason - history, personality, family dynamics he can't deal with Qi Rong in a compassionate way and so does what he can and keeps his distance (until present time run-ins start happening). And honestly, that's probably one of the few acts of self-care and boundaries Xie Lian set for himself. He knew his limits with Qi Rong. I do want to be clear that Qi Rong's actions are his own. He's hurt and killed many. He made his own poor choices and is responsible for that. I just think, if from the beginning, if he'd had someone who could be firm and compassionate, things could've been different for him. And potentially, if he'd met someone as a wrath with the patience and compassion to guide him, things could've been different...even if it took another 800 years! On the flip side, maybe Qi Rong did come across such a person but rejected it. We'll never know since it wasn't revealed in the book, but it's interesting to think about. Also, this is the first time I've thought about their relationship dynamics so I could totally be missing some things. What are your thoughts on their relationship dynamic? ------- On a more lighthearted note - one of the things I really love about the novel are all the many ways Xie Lian and Hua Cheng show their love and care for each other. Not just with big moments, but in little ways too with words and actions. There's so much material and every time I'm reminded of it, I just smile inside. I'm so happy for them! But one scene in particular that came to me was right after Xie Lian and "Ming Yi" help Shi Qingxuan escape the Heavenly Capital. They go back to Puqi Shrine and find Hua Cheng tidying up the place with essentially his shirt off. Xie Lian gets flustered and tells him to put his clothes back on and once he does, Xie Lian notices his collar is a little crooked and straightens it for him. Haha, I thought it was very sweet and definitely a "you're already married" moment. : ) Any favorite small moments you remember off the bat?

Thank you for your ask! I'm sorry it took me so long to reply after all (the funeral was last week, so as you can imagine the days leading up to and after it were quite stressful and draining). That said, let's get right into it :3 Gonna go through it from the top:

Xie Lian - His kindness and compassion really are admirable. It's why I find it so baffling when he's described as naive and/or arrogant by fans because that's not at all how the text portrays him. Throughout the story, he's the one willing to against the status quo - both in the human realm and in heaven - and to help the ones no one else cares about, no matter how much pain it results in for him personally. The trauma Jun Wu causes him almost makes him lose himself and then afterwards there's a long time where he blames himself and it's only through meeting Hua Cheng (again) that he gains back his confidence - and like you said, the final scene with Jun Wu shows in such an understated yet profound way that the core of who Xie Lian is has not changed at all: someone who believes that people deserve saving, that kindness is never in vain.

Qi Rong - I can't think of much else to add at the moment, but yeah just like you said, he might have turned out different had he had better parental guidance, but in the end the text is very firm that our choices are our own. I think it's also interesting that when people call Xie Lian naive and arrogant for wanting to save the common people and blame it on him being "spoiled and privileged", it's actually Qi Rong who demonstrates what happens when people born into privilege never question their status and instead do everything they can to take advantage of it and uphold it. Meanwhile Xie Lian even at seventeen was very critical of the power structures and morals that surrounded him and unlike Qi Rong didn't believe that he should be held to a different standard of justice than those "lower" than him. And it can't be chalked up to different guidance, since Xie Lian's views clashed repeatedly with those of his parents and his teachers.

Hualian - I absolutely adore all those small moments that showcast their relationship. Some of my favorites that immediately come to my mind are when they're in heaven and Mei Nianqing is explaining about Jun Wu's past and then inquiring about Xie Lian kissing Hua Cheng:

"Xie Lian could sense that he'd have a hard time swallowing whatever the state preceptor was about to tell him. He wanted to call for Hua Cheng, but before he could do so, Hua Cheng had already come to sit beside him." [...]

"When Xie Lian realized that Hua Cheng likely hadn't lived past eighteen, his fingers trembled. Hua Cheng reached out with one arm and gently covered Xie Lian's chilly hands, palm to back. Although their skin was equally icy, there was warmth where their hands touched." [...]

"Xie Lian had been desperately trying to stop the state preceptor from talking, but with no success. Covering his face, he silently shuffled behind Hua Cheng, who smiled and circled an arm around him as he raised his brows."

Hua Cheng's mere presence is such a source of comfort and safety for Xie Lian, it makes me so ;_; that he wanted him near for emotional support. And they're so tactile, so gentle with each other, always seeking to be close and to reassure and comfort each other through touch ;_;

I feel like I just rambled but I hope my answers managed to still be interesting and satisfying! Thank you for your ask, the distraction and interaction really helps rn <3

Writing quick drabbles about the obscure blorbos I kept forgetting to write about 2/4

Tw for mentions of pregnancy/pregnant reader, also afab reader

got mega brain rot about Latrelle from on my block literally out of nowhere for like two days straight so uh. specifically dad!latrelle. you've had an on and off relationship for years, snce you were teens. you've gotten him out of trouble more times than either of you could count, and everytime he asks you why you keep sticng your neck out for him, you tell him the same thing. I care about you. You don't deserve that. I don't want bad things to happen to you. it cuts him to the quick every time. he thinks you're the best thing to happen to him, and even through your rough patches, he doesn't want to lose you, doesn't want you to be with anyone else. so you keep finding your way back to each other. you think it's over for good when you move away for college, until one day he shows up on your doorstep. he tried to live withuot you, he really did, but he can't. he tried to move on, he dated around and bounced from hookup to hookup but each time it only confirmed that he wants you. you got pregnant with your first child not long after, and had your second after you graduated. The girls have your attitude and their dad's smile, and you both love them more than you knew was possible. when you were pregnant with your first, you had a really serious conversation with Latrelle about how you wanted to prioritize being able to parent your kid together over anything else, especially after seeing how much damage having inconsistent or unharmonious parents can cause. You've seen it in your friends, in Latrelle, maybe even in yourself. Because of that you insist you shouldn't pursue a relationship with each other, you shouldn't take that risk when you've been so on and off in the past. Kids need consistency. Latrelle respects that, he respects every boundary you set, but that doesn't mean he's ever stopped loving you or is ever going to. He doesn't even have to say it, you can see it on his face all the time. Your daughters third birthday is when you finally crack, falling into his arms after he rescues you from your insane extended family and protects your daughter from overhearing your grandmother say some really unkind things about you. He’s such an amazing dad to your little girl, she looks up to him so much and he deserves every bit of it. You think you might be able to move on from your night together, you might be able to ignore the way his gaze lingers, the way everything down to his body language tells you he needs you, he desires you more than anything. When you find out you're pregnant again, it feels like the biggest most obvious sign you've ever gotten. You had been safe, you had been on birth control both times you got pregnant, and you realize you can't fight your feelings anymore. You told Latrelle you didn't want him to be with anyone else when you first got together, and he dropped everyone else he'd been talking to without a second thought. You told him kids need consistency, and he’s been consistent, showing up for everything, reading bedtime stories, picking her up from daycare, doing her hair and painting her nails and having tea parties. Your friends have been pushing you together since they met him, telling you if he wanted to he would, and Latrelle does. All of this culminates into you texting him to come over, that you need to talk. Once your daughter is in bed and asleep, you have one of the most important conversations of both your lives. You tell him there are three things you need to tell him: your sink is leaking again, you're pregnant again, and you think you're in love with him again. By morning, your sink is fixed, and your daughter is over the moon to find out that she's getting a sister and both parents permanently under one roof for Christmas.

Do you consider that during the period that Hayley was married, Jackson was a stepfather? I don't know, I don't see him like that, in my vision he always tried to turn Hayley against the Mikaelsons, sometimes I see it like that because I'm not a big fan of Jackson when it comes to them, so He was just a man whom Hayley got married to save her daughter

And what do you think it would be like if Hayley, Hope and Elijah had left when she said she wanted to build a life with them? Do you think Elijah would take on a fatherly role? Did I ask, making sense of my doubts?

To me he was a stepfather but not a father, if that makes sense. Which is funny because people always get mad at him for trying to "take Klaus' place."

I will preface this by saying most of my opinions on this come from the lack of development the writers gave Jackson as well as the fact that the writers didn't want baby Hope, they just wanted teen/adult Hope.

When people get mad at me for how I view Jackson, they usually bring up quotes from the show but struggle to actually point to moments where Jackson is exhibiting those traits. Jackson is a classic mistake in writing of "show don't tell." Instead of showing us that he's a good father to Hope, they tell us and we are supposed to just take the character's word for it. The show essentially left a lot of their relationship up to our imaginations and I just never made headcanons with Jackson so it fell flat. But to me, he cared more about marrying Hayley than being a father to Hope.

Again, part of this is due to the fact that we hardly see anyone in season 3 interact with Hope. I get that it's hard to have a baby on set, but when you launch a whole spinoff around a magical baby, it helps to have a baby. I definitely think Jackson loves Hope, but not necessarily as his own. I feel like he held the Mikaelsons against her a little bit. If he and Hayley would have (could have) had their own kid, they definitely always would have fought over Jackson saying "our kids" versus "your kid." I also think that if Hayley would have been willing to leave Hope with Klaus and start a family with Jackson, I don't think he would have been upset by that. Anything to get away from the Mikaelsons.

I don't blame Jackson for not wanting to associate with the Mikaelsons after Klaus cursed them all. Although, ironically he was the one making side deals with Klaus in season 1 and 2. However, he had no right to give Hayley an ultimatum, especially where Hope is concerned. Of course, if you love someone, you don't want them to be around toxic people. But you don't get to make that decision for anyone else. People have to be allowed to make their own decisions. You can only set boundaries for yourself, and he does. He gives her an ultimatum and when she picks the option he doesn't like, he leaves. This is where I have a hard time with him as a father. It reminds me of Ginny and Georgia (*spoilers*) when Paul finds out the truth about Georgia and he initially leaves but then he can't stay away because he loves the kids so much. It takes him less than 24 hours to decide to help Georgia to protect the kids. (*end of G&G spoilers*) Jackson leaves and doesn't even reach out to Hayley for an entire month while he knows they have enemies in town. Yes, he had every right to do that, but I can't help but hold that against him as a father and husband. Just like I hold Klaus not reaching out to Hayley while he has to stay away with the Hollow against Klaus. We can headcanon that Mary is updating him but again, the show doesn't bother telling us anything.

I personally hate the scene when Jackson walks out. I know he is mad that she went to help the Mikaelsons, but Rebekah was actively kidnapped and drowning at the bottom of the ocean. He then makes her feel guilty because he had to put Hope down and she cried for a long time. A husband/father shouldn't make his wife feel guilty because he had to put the baby down. And, a husband should never make a mother feel guilty that her baby was crying. That detail was unnecessary. Yes, he was mad at her reasoning and mad that he made Thanksgiving dinner and she missed it, but there was other ways to say it. He weaponized Hope against her. It just made him sound like he resented having to play stay-at-home father, but what else was he doing? Neither of them worked.

I also think Jackson had this idealized idea of what his life with 'Andrea' was going to look like and it didn't include a magical child she had with another man. Even when she was living with the bayou, she didn't feel supported by him. She tells Eve that she's on her own with the baby. He does build her a crib but then after she 'looses' the baby, he doesn't even reach out. Compare this to Cami who is in tears, running to Klaus when she heard to see if it was true. Also, compare the reactions to Cami meeting Hope and Jackson meeting her. The writers are also a bit sexist and focused more on building Cami up as a stepmother and didn't focus too much on Jackson as a stepfather.

I don't like to always compare Jackson and Elijah because I don't think it is super helpful to the discussion. We should be able to analyze one without the other. However, since you asked, I do think Elijah plays more a parental figure to Hope. He also has the advantage of being biologically related to Hope. No matter what was going on between him and Hayley, he was always going to be in Hope's life.

Although, I do think that it wouldn't have mattered to Elijah if Hayley had a baby with someone else. I think he still would have taken on a parental role because he loves to be a parent. We know from the past that he was willing to be with Tatia and be a father to her child, so I don't see a difference with Hope.

I don't think Elijah would have ever left town without Klaus to start a life with just Hope and Hayley. The only way he would is if there was no way to protect Hope and Hayley while saving Klaus. Even then, he would go back for Klaus. Elijah was always very careful to not overstep his role with Hope. He knew Klaus' fears and also knew how Klaus tended to behave when he felt insecure. For everyone's sake, Elijah would keep a respectable distance as an uncle. Although, Elijah always just kind of acts as the parental figure of the group, so that wouldn't change too much. I can definitely see him taking on the more strict disciplinarian role while Klaus just spoils Hope.

Thanks for the ask! I hope I answered it all <3

Hi love can you please write some Callie x fem reader hcs

of course!!! writing headcanons is so much faster and easier than actually writing one shots (literally need to write/finish my other two current requests ahsjdjdj) also callie my babygirl, i love her SO bad

your guys' relationship is a bit of a slow burn. because 1. she's with kyle but also 2. mommy issues. she knows her parents relationship isn't as perfect as they make it seem and it takes a toll on her a bit (kind of like nancy wheeler, but at least with callie, jeff actually cares about his family, with shauna.... it's complicated, but we're well aware of that)

even as friends, callie wants to keep her distance. like yeah, she does have alana but with you, it was different. something that was stronger (yet again, i don't think callie let alana sleep over at her house and i wouldn't blame her)

but when you do, callie REALLY wants to make sure you don't come to her house mainly because of shauna. it's just lesbian with mommy issues (callie is a lesbian to me, i will die on that hill)

and well, it takes her a while to build of the courage to tell you how she feels about you. like a loooooooong while. but she does eventually because you help her open up more, making you feel like safe space for her

but it takes a bit longer after you guys get together for her to let you meet her parents

when she does, she literally begs shauna and jeff to not be weird about it at all

jeff tries to keep his cool about it, to be an ally (he literally searches online about "what to do when your daughter brings home a girl?")

shauna, at first, isn't fond of you, but over time, she comes around to the idea especially since you make her daughter happy. like genuinely happy. shauna does live her daughter, she just..... has a hard time showing it

you and callie aren't very touchy, and you guys don't have to be. when you're watching tv together, she has her head on your shoulder (or vice versa)

and if you aren't as affectionate as she is, that's fine. both of you have your boundaries and you set them and respect one another

same if you are physically affectionate. she let's you hug her, lay your head on her shoulder or her lap, cheek kisses, but you don't go overboard. just the small little things she enjoys

it takes her a while to say "i love you" but she eventually does when she feels that you're the one. and you are!

everytime you stay for dinner, jeff always tries to make you feel apart of the family. he just wants his little girl to be happy

and does this mean you'll be dragged into their family messes? yup. you are officially apart of the family, you are joining in their disasters whether you like it or not

and that means bonding with shauna a bit more as she slowly sees you as trustworthy and knows you're a good fit for callie (i know for a fact that she did not like kyle at all when callie was dating him and obviously, she hates that fucking cop and as she should. acab)

honestly, callie's parents become family to you, and accepting you into it because you make her happy (they are a dysfunctional murder family, but they are happy, in a weird fucked up way)

and yes, jeff invites you to holiday dinners, which makes callie flush in embarrassment

did this turn out to be more of you meeting shauna and jeff while dating callie? yes. but come on, the experience would be hilarious like "yeah, i'm apart of my girlfriend's crazy family that covers up murders. no big deal :)"

‘Sup, Chai! Studio Anon back at it again at their ramblings- tonight I’m feeling spicy, so why not talk about that once couple Viv’s stans froth at the mouth over: Stolitz.

I never really understood much of the appeal. Like- the trope of the commoner and the royal are fun to mess with, but those couples could work if you set them on equal grounds. There’s already a clear power dynamic set with those, so either find a solid middle area where the two could connect (ex. A runaway prince meets a cunning thief, an exiled prince meets a hermit, etc.) but you could work with the boundaries the relationship has so long as you can develop it.

But, uh- exactly where is that in Stolitz?

Stolitz already starts with an abusive power dynamic (yknow, the whole deal with the full moon and all it gross details) and it doesn’t do much to remedy that after. Stolas is a high, rich asshole who uses his status to fuck with/generally just fuck Blitz and that’s it. We never get to hear how Stolas does anything else with him- but Viv wants us to believe they care about each other? How?

Like, a scene, a moment, a glance into what those two act like without the guise of sex. And no, Ozzie’s doesn’t count since Blitz only brought Stolas along to get into the club (which is pretty fucking weird, btw. it’s a sex club, why is it just for monogamous couples? not really my point but yeah that’s weird.) and Stolas wanted to get Blitz to fuck him after so. There’s that.

It generally would’ve been better if they played up the power imbalance to really sell a more mature theme. I’m pretty sure they wanted something darker, so why not reinforce that power imbalance? Instead of Stolas being this “uwu soft baby owl boy” we could play him up as being a prince of hell. He’s immortal, he’s likely had several heirs but they’ve all died out (he’s probably outlived them but because Octavia looks so much like him he could coddle her in a sick, narcissistic way.) and only wants some fun in his life out of his boring work (which we never really see in the show, so I never really understood his placement).

Then, comes in Blitz.

Blitz, a runaway from the circus and wanting to start a new life by doing the impossible (starting a business is unheard of by imp standards iirc) and needs the book to get it going. How did he hear of the book? Hell if I know. It just happens, and he ends up sleeping with Stolas and admitting to his consort-wife he fucked him.

Stella in this pseudo-rewrite would also have a lot going on for her.

She knows she’s just another consort in a long list of others that Stolas had only to keep with heirs, but she wants her life to be meaningful. She wants to be a good mother. She wants to have a good life. She wants that high status Stolas likes to abuse so much because she’s been abused herself, by Stolas. She’s an asshole, sure, but it’s not like Stolas cares. It’s a loveless marriage, I’m sure everyone knew that.

But to be publicly embarrassed that an imp wormed his way into their bed (and Stolas, just for his imp fetish and excitement keeps Blitz around) causes a meltdown.

Then Stolas starts to see his world crash and burn as his once “obedient and boring” wife divorces him and wants custody of the child he so “adores”, IMP perhaps getting into earthly trouble due to their sloppy kills or misuse of the grimoire, and the goetia family beginning to finally gain emotion and life as Stolas’ life goes upside down.

But he doesn’t ever blame himself. He blames Stella, blames the family- hell, probably even blames Blitz because he doesn’t care about him more than just sex.

And that’s the only thing he really has a grasp on.

His impish little plaything.

JUST. Just imagine if that’s what Stolitz was: an unhealthy display of power and obsession. I’ve recently found some enjoyment writing these sorts of messed up power dynamics (similar to what I’ve written above but it’s a lot messier) and it kills me that Viv shows us a rape deal and expects us to go, “Wow!!! Such cute and wholesome gays!!!!” Like that was normal.

Use what you have, Viv. Make it fucked up. If you didn’t want your uwu yaoi ship to be so toxic, maybe rewrite it?

also ngl Stolas and Blitz designs make them look like they’re from two different shows and generally look ugly to me so the amount of ship art I’ve seen of those two make me laugh. like pick an attractive couple to make fanart and fanchildren for jfc. it’s sad.

This is a great writeup. It's frustrating how little it would take to make these two interesting, to make them likeable, but Viv just...doesn't.

Cillian Murphy (Actor)... Pet Peeves Reading (sort of)

Could be a pretty impatient (go go go) type of man so he doesn't like when ppl are in his way, in his walking path. But also career wise (in his way) or in anything else he's set his mind to do. He likely tunnel visions when he's focusing on a task or work so if you were to get in his way during that time he might literally nudge you out the way or speak bluntly/aggressively to you until you get lost

He hates ppl that believe the world revolves around them (I heard "snarky bitches"). I definitely feel this energy is directed at prissy ass celebrities that walk around like their blood doesn't run red like everyone else (celebs that have a superiority complex and view themself higher than regular ppl. I also lowkey think he doesn't like to hang around celebs outside of work/events. He could surround himself with a lot of normal ppl, maybe even the type to disguise himself and go to regular clubs/bars just to converse with non celebs

I don't know what's going on but this guy's energy is strange (not in a good or bad way). It's just that his energy seems to want me to ask him about his personality or just ask things that go a little deeper about him (its like when you meet a talkative stranger that's lonely and as soon as you strike up conversation with them they won't quit talking). So guy's, I'm going to follow his lead and switch to a personality reading on him since he seems to want that.

He's quite childlike and innocent, very careless and a freedom seeker so he can find himself in trouble and can't get himself out of it (calling his family, manager etc. .. to help him out of his mess even when he's been warned beforehand not to do certain things). He can be a bit too trusting of ppl and doesn't have enough boundaries set against ppl who wish him no good. He's like a guy that befriends a homeless person (not exactly a bad thing) but if that person had bad intentions, he would never notice it or put two and two together to why money in his wallet keeps going missing and other things of that sort

He's a very creative man with a lot of self confidence in his skills, looks and abilities. He knows very well what the public wants from him and he's self assured that he can constantly meet their expectations (even exceed it). I've never watched the show Peaky Blinders but I think the character he played has a similar personality to him and I mean that for his good + bad qualities. Because I'm also seeing a temper that rolls deep, like a destructive temper in which he doesn't care what he says or what he does. He just wants to get back at whoever pissed him off. He could have a problem letting things go especially slights against him

He's a very romantic and loving man that knows how to charm and bring that ultra passion in romantic relationships but he could also use his charms on everyone (likely unintentionally since his Venus in Taurus just makes him a naturally flirtatious man) but he could make a lot of ppl want him, damn near do anything to be with him

I do see he's quite bossy and pushy, doesn't really take no for an answer (a card came out saying "Shut your mouth and listen"). I think when he commands ppl, they tend to listen not just because of who he his but his voice may carry power (especially when he's bossing ppl around)

Yeah this guy is very bossy, he's used to being listened to and having things his way, and he definitely got his way with the direction of this reading lol. It's like his energy was like "Nah, don't ask me about that. Take a deeper look at my personality instead" and it didn't feel like he was asking but that he was telling me

Roll Deep by Hyuna is a song that fits this readings energy

Two decisions I really liked about YRS3 (but not the only decisions)

Also posted on my dreamwidth. Left unrebloggable for the sake of setting boundaries. Comments and thoughts welcome though!

Today I want to talk about two decisions made by Lisa and the other Young Royals Season 3 writers that I really liked. This is an analysis post, to some extent. In line with my new priorities, I also want to talk about how these decisions could work on a craft level to fuel my creativity, and—more fannishly—where they might leave me with inspiration in my fanfiction. Because everything from here on out is spoilers, and because it is long, I am going to cut it.

The writing decisions I want to focus on today are a) starting the season with a private settlement to resolve issues around the video/the gun/the drugs, and b) digging deeper into the ambiguity of Erik. As a heads up, both of these decisions felt particularly catered toward my reading of the show and what I wanted from it to begin with. But I figured, why not start with what one loves about a thing? So we will begin there, and perhaps, if I let myself rewatch episodes during the break, we will move on to other things, too.

The private settlement

This was something @heliza24 speculated might happen in the months leading up to season 3’s release. In fandom, there was a lot of discussion around whether the legal system would be able to deliver consequences to August re: the video or not, and whether Wille or Simon could be prosecuted for the field scene and the drugs and such. For me, one of the most informative posts on the matter was sflow-er’s post about how each boys’ actions would be labeled and classified, and what the penalties might be. I don’t know the Swedish legal system too well, so it was quite informative.

In my opinion, kicking off season 3 with the arbitration/settlement outside of court, and refusing to provide catharsis through the legal system itself, was the best decision the writers could have made. I also love that it was all wrapped up in an episode. We know that rich Hillerska families often settle things discreetly behind closed doors, and the legal system tacitly allows this to happen, so this felt in line with the series worldbuilding and the real world interactions it is grounded in. I also feel that Young Royals works best when it’s at least partially anchored in Hillerska, and secondarily anchored in the family interactions characters have at home. So taking things into the courtroom for too long wouldn’t feel quite right, even if season 3 does, to some extent, open up the world more for our characters.

What also struck me was the way the adults behaved in this scene, and how a lot of it felt… not so great? You can tell that the adults all care for their respective boys (however imperfectly they express it before, during, and after the settlement.) But the way they all swoop in and try to flatten the last two seasons of conflict into who owes what to whom is sort of fascinating, and feels parallel to the housemother trying to mediate between Sara and Felice at the end of 2.6. You realize how little they know of the nuances of what happened, and how quick they are to take away the agency of their boys when they think it protects them. I really want to hit this point hard—the boys all have their agency taken away in that moment, and I use the word “boys” deliberately because it is adults who are putting them in that position. You can see some of that persist in the aftermath of the settlement; FFS Linda is making Simon pee into a cup every day.

(Not to mention the hint of personal investment each set of parents has in the case. Rickard can’t resist doing lawyerly flexes, and Linda’s constant references to Swedish values show that she’s worried she immigrated in vain. I’m sure there’s a blank we could fill in with Ludwig and Kristina, but I’m operating on memory here and I don’t remember their lines precisely.)

As icky as the settlement scenes feel, and as much tension as they create, they are also necessary for marking the importance of past conflicts while propelling the narrative forward. It does matter that August released the video—it matters enough that he had to sell his estate to compensate Simon, and it’s absolutely appropriate that he should have. And it does matter that Wille waved a gun around and Simon brought drugs to school and sold them. 

At the same time, what the show is saying here is, legal consequences and lawyers (especially Rickard) can’t solve all the show’s problems. No amount of money from August is ever going to fix Simon’s mental health by itself. August being locked away forever wouldn’t have magically taken away the fault lines in Wilhelm and Simon’s relationship, which we see over the course of the season have as much to do with Wilhelm’s relationship to the monarchy as everything else. And in some alternate universe where Simon and Wille get in trouble for the drugs and the gun but August faces zero punishments at all, he wouldn’t exactly be magically cured of all his trauma and live a pretty life from then on.

Ultimately season 3 seems to be saying not that the legal system is 100% ineffective, but that it has its limits in how much healing or catharsis it can bring to people. Especially because of the way settlements and trials focus on incidents in isolation, and limit the agency of the people they are supposed to defend. I actually don’t think season 3 is telling us to let go of the legal system entirely. But what it is doing is asking us to understand offenses beyond the strict binaries of crime and punishment, and how they fit into broader contexts of societal prejudice. And finally, it is telling us to look to vulnerable human-to-human connections as another space for healing. Which is where all the juicy, interesting, complicated stuff is. I’m glad that S3 chose to follow those threads instead of just sticking us in a courtroom for five episodes.

A note before I continue: I know I’ve talked to a few friends who were disappointed we didn’t see August sell Årnäs, when we know it’s important to him. I haven’t decided how I feel about that yet. I have decided that this is one of the things I’d love to ask Lisa about in more depth, to see why one of her writing decisions was to leave that out. I suspect August has already started to pull away from Årnäs a bit in season 2 already, given that he’s willing to sell art to buy Rousseau for Sara, but I don’t know if he’s consciously there yet, and I think fans might be looking to see him grapple with that. In retrospect, it also seems like August’s arc over 3 seasons is him trying to figure out who his family is. The material reality of Årnäs and how much he wants to keep it is sort of an externalization of that, but also his way of deflecting from talking seriously about his grief for his father. So, I see why this is a tab left open in people’s brains. Maybe I’ll be able to close it on rewatch. But Simon’s also supposed to be getting that money, and that tab is left open in my brain, too. I hope Lisa reads this and has an answer for me.

Anyway. Onward to those human-to-human connections.

Erik’s ambiguity and his role in the initiations

I never fully trusted Erik. I say this not to “gloat about being right” but mostly to establish what my baseline reading of the character was in season 1. I do think he was very loving of Wilhelm and meant a lot to him, but I didn’t trust him to be a full-on LGBTQIA+ ally, and I didn’t trust him not to have gotten up to abusive fratboy shit in the past. Part of the reason I gravitated toward this reading of the character is that I found it way more interesting than Erik being perfect. In my personal experience, family members are never exactly who you need them to be, and part of the struggle of growing up is knowing when you can lean on someone (or their memory) for support and when you need to protect yourself. Fiction that deals with these themes is endlessly fascinating to me. It’s the kind of fiction I try to write, that I’d want to someday publish. So naturally Ambiguous Erik is my preferred Erik.

As someone who’s always sort of approached Erik’s memory with a less-than-trusting reading of his character, the minute the homophobic initiations came up, I knew that Erik’s role was going to be a key point of revelation. So much of season 3’s momentum was tied up in Wilhelm finding out and processing that, and August being able to put into words how Erik and the other third year boys’ actions traumatized him. The knowledge that August, Nils, and Vincent chose to remove the most homophobic practices when they initiated first years adds a twist of the tragic knife. We have three boys who are trying (however imperfectly) to break the cycle, and yet none of them got the support they needed in processing what happens to them. August even ends up releasing the video and perpetuating the cycle of abuse. But it’s hard not to look at that now and not see an element of untreated trauma driving his actions.

I suspect for some fans of the show, that revelation about August (and Nils, and Vincent) essentially being a sexual assault victim is a pretty uncomfortable one, because it can feel like an excuse for his actions. But I don’t think the show is excusing August’s actions so much as explaining them, and even more importantly, the show instead seems to be focused on just how challenging breaking the cycle can be, and just how much time and effort is required. Moreover, understanding August’s vulnerability is crucial for Wilhelm’s character arc.

In my restorative justice meta a while back, I talked about the dangers of the Hillerska students being able to villainize someone like August, because they could so easily deflect from their own actions by imagining him as an individual monster and ignoring the parts of the system that enabled his worst deeds. When I wrote this, I was primarily thinking of characters like Nils and Vincent. I did not expect it to be Wilhelm buying into the myth of August the Monster while disavowing his own flaws. And yet, in season 3, we could see Wilhelm’s black-and-white villainizing of August as something that got in the way of his empathy and better judgment, primarily toward Simon. Like. Wilhelm is, to put it lightly, a pretty crappy boyfriend to Simon at the beginning of the season! (If this post also included a third thing I loved, it was that a lot of the wilmon boyfriends stuff early on in the season was always just a little too yikes to be fully cute.)

And yes, you can look at the part where Wilhelm’s making Simon delete stuff off social media, and eventually delete all his social media entirely, and talk about how Wille is responding to the pressure of the palace, and his mother’s mental health struggles and so on. But IMO it’s similar to the way August lets himself get caught up in the pressures of his social role at Hillerska to try and escape his grief and trauma. Both boys fear and disgust the ways they’ve been made vulnerable (something they react to when they see their vulnerability reflected in one another) and try to play their social role within the system they are most familiar, to gain back a sense of strength and agency. Ultimately, however, they become the weapons of that system, and hurt those they love and care about. It was pretty smart of the show to recognize that Wilhelm reconciling with August and Simon reconciling with August are actually two different flavors of Thing, and the reason a Wilhelm-August reconciliation is different is because of the amount of social power that they hold in the system.

No character symbolizes the reasons for August and Wilhelm’s struggle with the system more than Erik. This is not to say that Erik Is Evil—he’s not! We also know that August and Wilhelm love him, and that he has helped them and cared for them—merely that he strands for what they’re both grappling with. Both boys have to recognize Erik beyond the idealized version of him in order to heal and move forward and actually break the cycle. And they have to recognize Erik’s place in those cycles too. In the last scene we see of Erik, he’s day drinking, and we know he visited Boris for therapy. Could he have struggled with guilt over what he did in the initiation? It’s possible. In a way, the biggest tragedy of Erik’s death is that he doesn’t get a chance to break the cycles alongside Wilhelm and August. But maybe his soul can rest easier knowing they are a little closer to being brothers than they were before.

Where this leads me as a writer, especially of fanfics

I likely started with these two aspects of season three because they already line up so much with what interests me in storytelling. When I think about the kind of writer I want to be, I want to write the complex entangled family history stuff that’s hard to sort through, and I want to write it well. Young Royals gives me another solid mentor text in that regard, alongside books like Patron Saints of Nothing and A Sitting in St. James.

On the fanfic side of things… well. I’m glad the legal stuff is taken care of already! I honestly didn’t want to have to be dealing with the courtroom all that much in my fanfics. Maybe someone else will want that, and I think the option is still there. Someone could do some really cool fics with a character choosing to study law in the future, or similar. But I’m glad to have that off my plate for the time being.

As for what these parts of the season have made me more interested in than before, I’m really captivated by the idea of Wilhelm and August becoming brothers to one another, even if—especially if—it’s a fun multi-year slowburn with lots of heart-wrenching emotions. What would their relationship look like? How would they navigate around Wilhelm’s break with his mother and August’s newly forged relationship to one another? What kind of time would August and Wilhelm choose to spend with one another to work on their relationship, and what do the boundaries look like? Could August one day leave the monarchy too, and would Wilhelm support him in that? (I hope so.) For some fans, I think they’re just content to leave Wilhelm and August’s reconciliation as that conversation at the party, and I think that’s valid. But I do know that in whatever I write going forward, I’m interested in seeing how their relationship can develop and change over time. And that feels hopeful in a way I like.

So maybe… just maybe… some of the things I’m going to write will involve Wille and August developing a better relationship. And I think I’m ok with that.

at the risk of bothering you too much about your ds9 fics, i have to say that i really adored "patience" with jadzia x lenara and would love to hear about how you decided the where/how/why of their reuniting and the inspiration for the things that lenara was missing on trill (with the festival and all) and also your work in fleshing out lenara, especially as a character now acting outside the boundaries of the published story? perhaps i just want to hear all your thoughts about lenara...

I will never, ever pass an opportunity to talk about Lenara Kahn, so thank you so much for this ask!

I'm very flattered to hear you liked “patience” because I confess I consider it a bit of an odd duck among the fic I posted. If I could go back I would probably spend some more time on it, and smooth some things out. Rereading it it's... very obvious to me that I was hashing out my mixed feelings about having left my country of origin, likely for good. Lenara and Jadzia are having the same talk I've been having with myself for the past ten years or so, though I'm far from exiled. The fic does still reflect a few things about Lenara and Jadzia that I think are foundational to my understanding of both characters, and I'm very glad if you found it interesting!

With “patience” I felt compelled to follow rather strictly the prompt I had but in reality... I find it kind of hard to imagine a different finale for “Rejoined” unless something, or better someone, happened to make Jadzia understand how Lenara is really feeling and the kind of obligations that compel her to follow tradition, family opinion, and the rule of Trill law. Most often I see this happening through Kira, like I laid out in “creative approach” (and the very long fic I'll likely never finish about the three of them); Kira, I think, would understand better than most Lenara's attachment to her homeworld and unwillingness to openly defy a taboo that seems so foundational to Trill society, and be able to mediate what I think it's the biggest conflict between Jadzia and Lenara.

Like I hinted in the fic, Jadzia to me has left Trill and her family behind by the time Lenara arrives on the station on “Rejoined”. “Equilibrium” made clear how little the Symbiosis Commission cared about her survival (or anyone else's) in the face of maintaining a status quo that is nothing but a bunch of lies; “Facets” made clear how little even her previous hosts cared about Jadzia's wellbeing, with the kind of power that the Commission leaves in the hands of Initiates supervisors. We never hear Jadzia airing explicitly her opinions on Trill governance and the rules (written and unwritten) that joined Trills have to follow, but I think “Rejoined” represents a watershed moment for her in this respect too. With the ultimate taboo for the joined in front of her, Jadzia's decision is ultimately that she doesn't care to toe the line anymore. She wants to live her life free from the strictures of Trill tradition, even if it means never setting foot on the planet again. She takes a big breath, and crosses that line.

Lenara can't do that, though, even if she's obviously torn. On one hand she recognizes that what she and Jadzia have is precious in its unlikeliness (how often do you get second chances like this one?), on the other the episode pretty explicitly suggests that Lenara is generally a rule-follower (there are several remarks to this effect in the script for “Rejoined”), she has a family that she's is very close to, almost uncomfortably so (her own brother works in the same field as she does and is with her on the station!!) and she finds Jadzia's eccentricity somewhat puzzling, and that's imho a hint that Jadzia is very far from the 'ideal' that joined Trills are encouraged to aspire to, and from the image Jadzia herself was trying to adhere to at the beginning of the show. An image that Lenara is very much still clinging to, likely because it's what she's been doing all her life.

There's this big chasm between Jadzia and Lenara and in “patience” I left a bit up in the air how they'd managed to maintain a long-distance relationship. I think in my head this was achieved, once again, by Kira intervening and suggesting to Jadzia that ultimatums weren't going to cut it in a situation like this, and that Jadzia would need to give some space to Lenara's point of view. My reasoning after that was that by the time Starfleet retakes DS9 in season 6, Lenara would be convinced that it's either now or never, and eventually choose exile over the regret of Dax dying on her for the second time. Still I don't think it would be easy for Lenara to leave, I consistently imagine her family being very much up in her business and scrutinizing her choices, and she would have to abandon the very successful academic career she's built on Trill (by the time of “In Purgatory's Shadow” she apparently gets tenure at the Trill Science Ministry). Lenara would still leave, but have plenty of regrets doing so, and I'm sure they would cyclically return even together with Jadzia, their differing points of view not making things easier when it comes to Trill and what it represents for both of them.

I think the the "End-of-Snow" festival I made up was heavily inspired by my own feelings about emigrating—a lot of events and occasions for social gathering that I took for granted or even disdained back when I lived in Italy make me now feel very nostalgic, even if ultimately I can visit fairly often and my partner is Italian as well. I also wanted to hint at Trill having a history and a geography, and my take on this is that Trill has had a greenhouse effect and climate change problem in centuries past that both Jadzia and Lenara remember through their past hosts, but context is easy to forget; even if Emony and Lenara both grew up in the same city, Mak'ala, their experience of it was quite different. It's likely that in Emony's time it snowed a lot less as well, and so the festival didn't quite have the same significance it has for Lenara, whose generation probably sees it as a tradition brought back from the brink of climate disaster.

There is a lot more I could say about Lenara! Over the years I came up with a version of her that maybe is idiosyncratic; she's both a bit anxious and prone to overrate her ability to approach situations rationally (ie she looks collected but she's very much not!). She's curious to see where things will lead to, only to regret the paths these will take her onto. She has this strange sense of humor where she mostly reacts to what people are saying to her, because of a lifelong habit of close scrutiny (from family, from the Initiate Program) which made her somewhat passive, although her personality and convictions definitely peek through when they have the chance. She often goes hiking in the mountains completely alone. Ultimately I think she's a romantic who wishes she weren't, a woman with strong desires that she's had to either channel through narrow paths (the joining, the academic career) or to stifle entirely, and it's the kind of combination that imho makes for explosive problems that tend to involve other people. I do love a repressed lesbian!

I think her family is rather traditional too—imho both Lenara and Bejal were expected to try to join, and this has driven a wedge between the two siblings once Lenara was accepted into the Program and he wasn't (or maybe he washed out—either way he isn't joined, and I believe 'Otner' is their family name). I think Bejal and Lenara have been in competition all their lives, and he's rarely managed to best her (quite frankly because I think she's smarter than him), but this also has put a lot of pressure on Lenara to behave and perform 'correctly' in every situation, no mistakes allowed. I think this is why she has such a hard time to even admit that what she wants is even possible, not to mention the extraordinary amount of grief she's inherited from Nilani (whom I think is Lenara's direct predecessor, and for whom I have a lot of thoughts as well!).

It's all very interesting and I could on forever but I think I'll stop here. Do let me know if you have further thoughts!! Again, always glad to talk about Lenara or any of the Kahn hosts.