#lost my appetite and all
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#my cousin’s baby mama tried to kill me unprovoked today#idk why but the more I furiously blast it the more I can get over it#it also shows how little my family cares about boundaries that are set#I’ve told my cousin countless times baby mama 3 ain’t allowed here and she’s come over countless times#today she randomly flips her lid as I’m walking to my car#and I’m like????? cause damn sometimes I do wanna unalive but not at any one’s hand other than my own#and cops got called twice today#she came back in the evening bc they let her go and they were like omg post partum depression#and I’m like see this is why I don’t want kids cause apparently you lose your fucking kind#mind*#so then I hear her yelling and threatening me and I’m glaring at my aunt after ripping her and my cousin a new one after work#lost my appetite and all#and I gotta pick myself up after work and pretend nothing happened#no one ever bothered to check up on me in my family#my abuela calls to check up on my cousin and aunt but didn’t bother to check to see if I was okay#like Lmao I hate my family#like deadass I know it’s a strong ass word but I sincerely I just—cannot be arsed with them#they’re fucking selfish assholes#so yeah#today I hate them
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i say if you’re gonna have the mysterious entities speak in rhyme you might as well commit (EDIT: part 2!)
(posting an unprecedented Part 1 of At Least 3 bc i actually have the entire script and most of the storyboarding for this done already)
#yknow. got an idea. had a breakdown. bon appetit#this was the creative impulse i was referring to on sunday#my art#secret life#secret life spoilers#slsmp#grian#geminitay#briefly#trafficblr#also#mostly bc i am proud of it and partly bc i want people to know it’s on purpose:#grian is not trying to rhyme at all in this part. he is being deliberately unhelpful#he lowkey tries to fuck it up on purpose in that second to last panel but the secret keepers just switch rhyme schemes#the one time he completes an end rhyme is because he lost his temper#anyway yeah this was motivated mostly by me wanting to see if i could do it
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Anyone else have the experience of your mother (who insisted that horror films were “garbage” in a moralistic way- that viewing them indicated something dark about your moral character) showing you The Passion of the Christ every year on Easter before the big turkey dinner?
#I never lost my appetite because I’m not that squeamish but like…#that movie is far more disturbing than most horror films I’ve seen. like in an objective sense#all my little words
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tw vent
i hate myself.
the math teacher called me and my friend "dumb" during the test, awhile I was crying because I didn't understood the question and everyone already finished.
i am scared idk what to do, i will get an 0 and wont know how to explain that to my friend
i am still crying and shaking so much.
#lost all my appetite#honestly thanks to that i will skip my meals today#i just wanna hide in the bathroom for the rest of the day#overwhelmed#i hate in here#is just the second month of the year#i dont think i can actually make it till the end#i think tou all know what i mean
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just a little sneak peak bts shoots for later this month ▪️◼️◾⬛
#i only have like three poses and they're all subpar :/#buy hey i am trying my best#these feel a little too loose? are they supposed to feel that way or super tight? i need to know to reorder them a size down#please don't judge my body#i already feel like i'm dealing with lost of appetite so i don't need anymore negativity#or say whatever you want#i can't control other people's comments.#so i rolled up an old black trunk xD#just wanted to see if it's better with or without underwear underneath?#also#should i shave my leg hair for this or nah?#there's a lot of internal questions here#but point is - i feel a little sexy in these?#you can see how tight the underneath trunks are for me 🤣😭 look at those muffin tops of mine oof#gotta get back to my weight loss journey#anyways - i know this is not much but i am trying#okay @anon who asked#here ya go- i will do my best to keep my word and post again by the end of May 👍🏽✌🏽#personal#a rose colored tease#fishnets
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Went out early in the morning to have breakfast because I couldn't be assed to cook for myself and there was nothing on the fridge. Didn't quite like the breakfast I had in this local lugawan because the broth they gave me was so salty, and I didn't know it until I dumped the entire cup into my rice and took a bite.
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You’d think that with all this bike riding and lifting children off the floor that I’d be even more hungry, but no; I have the appetite of a little tiny bird???? The fuck
I don’t like it
#Maybe the bike riding is jostling my stomach too much… if my stomach is jostled I don’t want to eat#Or it could be the ADHD meds#idfk at this point#like yeah technically I’m hungry and know I need food but I don’t feel like eating. I’d just rather not. It’s weird#because I used to be the opposite: I wasn’t really hungry but I’d just keep eating until I got sick#eating mention#appetite mention#Maybe I’ve just been eating too much all my life.#Because the only two times I’ve had serious nausea or gas pains was after I ate the amount of food I used to eat#And it’s not like I’ve lost any energy; if anything I’ve gained some energy#(not right now because I stayed up until 12:30 AM after riding and walking 9.3 miles total— on my feet all day long)#I used to eat a LOT; like a 6’5” 400 pound lumberjack or something#uh Paul Bunyan type portions… like a big BIG man#of course I’m 5’4” with kind of a slight build so that was always very weird to me that I was able to do that#How I am now makes more sense; but at the same time I don’t like being like this at all#Because I’ll inevitably go from “slight” to “sickly” and I would really like to continue fitting into my pants#because pants are expensive and it’s extremely hard to find ones that are of good quality and feel comfortable#food discussion#food tw#weight mention#Here I am telling the kids “You need to eat! Take a bite!” and then I get home and act like a total fucking hypocrite#Maybe it’s burnout
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#personal#uh oh might be starting to get some post-operative blues#mainly the thought of wearing this darn vest for 3 weeks or more gets me really down#yeah the feels and the vest is part of recovery but blerg#kinda lost my appetite as well which is not very good considering needing all the stuff for healing
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28.04.2023
So much happened this week. (In tags I'll rant about it)
N4 is coming and my prep is not at all good. Took a test today and i failed🥲. But i know my prep is soo bad,it was bound to happen. So have to study for that.
College exams are coming🥹 also have to study for that. The dissertation proposal is in the finalising stage,so that's good. But have to work on it properly imo.
Then i also proposed another research study to my professor and he has encouraged me to go for it. So,also have to work on it.
These very cutu plants in the scorching heat were a treat to eyes and mind.
Got this book from the library and I'm really enjoying reading the essays.
( correction in a tag- she scored less than me in class and she was all sad sad. With her i had to suppress my happiness at moments like these)
#here i go#so here in this clg i have 2 friends mainly they are my classmates and one is roomates also so thsi roomate is very toxic i kinda knew it#from the start but ignoted it bcs we became friends when we used to have online lectures and haven't met each other and somethings happened#in which she helped me so i was kinda obliged to stay w her. and after sometime i kinda strted feeling it. all the bad vibes#the toxicity she carry for other ppl judging them on their appearances and whenever i trued to correct her tries to manipulate things#like she jas all of the mean girl vibe but i the clown couldn't just had the courage or ways to not be w her i so wnated to but couldn't#it was all so fucked up and living w her. i changed i started judging ppl. this was so bad. she went through soem toughtimes and as i frien#friend i cared for her i was there for her almost all the times and most of the times whenever i needed her she was not.#tries to dominate always and the incident due to ehich I'm writing all this is - I'm not earing well properly well from past month she know#and last sunday i was very excited to this dish and i wanted to take more and she said very rudely how much more will you eat? i said i did#not had lunchand almost didn't eat the ehole day what's yhe nig deal abt it why tou saying and stopping me like that and she said i did not#say it she said again i did not say it with that rude voice like she can never be wrong and ppl wjom i rarely talk to have noticed that#I've lost weight but she who luves wirh me almost all the time do not know it whom I've talked to abt this don't knwo it . i didn't have#any appetite after that i just stuffed the food unsideand went outside wiyjout syaing anything 8 wanted ro puke so bad i controlled my#i couldn't beleive what just happened i didn't try to talk to her and she obviously wouldn't bcs of teh ego and then there's another friend#and classmate of us and she has a great bond w her then after taht incident she is also not talking ro me and. avoiding me in the corridor#making me feel like I'm the onw wrong here and thwse 2 ppl were not on talking term a week ago again ego calshes this other girl didn't#so yeah i got snakes here#now I'm all alone but this feels great literally like yes i cried and couldn't sleep bcs even tho i knew they are not always what they show#they were the only obes here i was able to form a bond with ( i hate this part so much now)and i care abt friendships alot but it ended#they are not talking to me I'm not talking to them. but thus whole thing made me free now I'm free i don't have to wait for them everytime#i want to go to library or to a class or to a walk bcs they wanted everything to be done in a grp#and I'm going everyday out to study to walk and to jyst peacefully live bcs now I don't have to deal with negativity and toxicity anymore#i feel myself again my trye self who was kind to ppl who wanted to just study quietly in evening who wanted to just go in class on time#i don't have to feel that if i di this will she judge me I'm feeling free with what I'm wearing I'll enjoy and celebrate all my wins#and achievements of the last year bcs i couldn't even enjoy those when i was with her just bcs she didn't got less tahn me#I'm smiling more nad I'm loving more myself to actually avle to come out of thsi spiral i didn't even know i could so yay#listening to you're on your own kid in loop and it made me so happy#that's it done. there was so much to say ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hope you got some idea of what's happening in my life#sending you all love and light and if you find urslf in somesimilar situation or any difficulty rn hope you get out of it very soon<3
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Circe wasn't the first girl Roman kissed. He actually hit it off with another girl at the All Girl's Boarding School his parents sent him off to during his early teens, the two sneaking off for a bit of 'private fun' until the bullying incident occured where he lost his temper and glassed his tormentor's face.
#💀 || musings#💀 || headcanons#It's Sunday!!!!!!!!!#And I'm feeling a little better!#Started taking Feroglobin and my god it feels like it's already made a world of difference#Was so lacking energy but the second half of work kicked in and I actually got stuff done#Don't feel half dead on my feet anymore and have a bit of appetite again#Might have helped having steak for dinner too but have been very low on iron#But yeah here's a fun headcanon for ya'll#Roman still thinks about that girl from time to time#He forgot her name but it was a pretty prominent memory#Probably wouldn't have hated the all girl's school so much if it weren't for the bitches there#That other girl nearly lost an eye#Mr. and Mrs. Sionis had to fork out a LOT of hush money for that little outburst lmao#It was also the beginning of the end for them#Roman had started getting too strong and violent for them to be able to control so easily anymore#He lasted all of 3 days at that school XD
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#the day was going so well until my mom decided to be mean to me for no reason in a piblic space where i was already feeling scared and over#stimulated. i wanted to try out the skateboards in decathlon but there were too many people and i got scared. and my mom suddenly said that#the skateboard that she was going to buy for me after/on my birthday. she had decided to buy now. since we were alr in theshop and i said no#way bec i hadnt decided which one i wanted yet and i was soo panicked. and then after some time when id calmed down a bit and was gonna try#to skate anyways she started questioning me abt when i planned on peacticing and where i was gonna do it and i obviously just started saying#things that i thought she would approve of. and then she told me i didnt have the time management skills or resolve to make it work. and she#just kept on passive aggressively bullying me until i just couldnt do it anymore and i told her i wanted go leave the store bc she was#spoiling the mood. and then she started bullying me louder and she told me to stop blaming her bc she was only asking me a question and she#didn't want to waste any more money on things that i wasnt gonna do even though ive wanted a skateboard for years now and have been actively#asking her for months. and i just lost my emergy and my appetite and i wanted to leave the mall and go home but insteaf she gook us to a#bagel place that ive been trying to get her to take us even though i felt like throwing up before we even left the mall and i told her i#didnt want to go there. and my brother even told her that she was ruining things for everyone. and he still ended up blaming me in the end.#but whatever. i kept getting flashbacks to insanely traumatic moments where shed yelled at or bullied me or cornered me or tried to#embarass me in public. and this is most likely my last year at home. and my last year of childhood. and its all going to be remembered in my#brain as underwhelming and depressing and mostly horrible. and im going to leave home and never cone back and my last year at home is going#to be just as shitty as every other year and ill just have to deal with that and try to build something good and new and kind when i leave#she shouldnt speak to her own children like this. she shouldnt be looking for reasons to make things miserable for me all the time like this#i should study. my head hurts. my entire body hurts so bad#delete later
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Tfw when you're trying to limit the amount of calories you're eating, and you realize just how absurdly high calorie most things are.
#i'm trying to lose weight with the guidance of doctor by taking an appetite suppressant and eating fewer calories#it's working pretty good so far but im refusing to get my hopes up too much#i've only been taking the medicine and limiting my calories for less than 2 weeks and i've already lost almost 8 and a half pounds#i don't have a specific weight goal in mind so much as i want to be losing weight instead of gaining#at minimum i'm making sure to eat at least 1200 calories a day but no more than 1500 calories a day#this is mostly because i've read that the minimum amount you need to eat to avoid your metabolism slowing down is 1200 calories a day#the medicine has actually also been helping my ADHD some as my brain feels more....put together if that makes sense#i'm mostly just distraught because i fucking LOVE mcdonald's breakfast sandwiches but they're all like at least 400 calories#this means if i want to keep my intake low i'll need to stop buying breakfast from mcdonalds#i can be convinced to do just about anything if you offer me an sausage egg mcmuffin sandwich#it's hard and there's no way i'd be able to do this without the medicine#but at the same time i'm just so sick of being fat and not being able to wear certain clothes or do certain things because of it#i love myself i really do but i know deep down i can't keep living like this if i ever want to truly feel confident in my appearance
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it’s 9am and i’ve already ragequit reddit for the day 🙃
#very sad man online: my wife left me and i got depressed and lost my appetite and lost weight#all the comments: omg that’s so great congrats! you’re doing amazing! you were so gross before but now you’re normal!#me: 🔪🔪🔪#disordered eating#personal
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You ever remember something and it makes you not wanna eat
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i got a jersey mikes sub today and i was like Ya can i have no onions. so they put every onion they had in stock on my sandwich and now im realizing i dont think i can even trick myself into liking onions
#i just got my appetite back#cause i have a chest virus AGAIN#and now i lost my appetite again cause thete wete SO MANY ONIONS#i took them all off and it still tasted so much like onions#it was so fucked up#im upset i wanyed a delicious club sandwich
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Love all the randos in y0 making fun of majima for being skinny calling him shit like stickman and other insulting things i forgot and they make sure to really cement that majima is your wireframe protagonist and then he takes off his shirt and hes literally normal shaped. Bullshit i want to see a scarecrow i dont like his beefy body , you hyped me up only to lie to me
#Yakuza loveblog#this is a loveblog becUse i likehim#my dog is curling up does anyone care ? does anyone care that ollie looks so cute and baby like ? ...#i hate it whenever majima puts on his glasses because i always want to peel his eyelid open#just had to survive a whole segment of him wearing those slutty translucent shades#and from the side you can see a bit of his left eye and like nghh i want to play with the loose skin so bad#i went back to edit my original post to say more and completely lost this train of thought#but like i would love for kiryu and majima to have drastically different body types. they already have incredibly different fighting styles#i want kiryu to be barrel shaped ........ i want majima to only eat properly when hes with someone he likes (which is never back in y0)#i made him run across the city to enter. resturant and eat two quail eggs#it was because i wasnt very injured but its still an extremely funny thing. to happen#now which would be sadder ... that majima literally cannot gain weight or that his appetite was completely shot after his time in the hole..#i mean he was alwys kind of bony as seen from the flashback scenes .... i need him to be skinnier ............#you should be able to wrap your arms around his waist twice over hands wrapped to your shoulders#you guys have no damn clue how much it turned me on to see his skinny little wrist just hanging limp in a manacle. enough space to clamp bot#in one cuff ...... his hands look huge compared to how tiny his wrists are ... need him to be skinnier ..!!!#im so obsessed with his body i want to get inside it and i dont care how .... i want to watch him eat ... i would like to feed him from my#hand and feel his shitty moustache graze my palm .. it was a pleasure to have your son on a leash#i want to see skin stretched tight over his shoulders i want to chew on him ... goe the. the last time i liked a skinny guy ws ... oh my god#it was all might
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