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#so yeah i got snakes here
february-academia · 1 year
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28.04.2023
So much happened this week. (In tags I'll rant about it)
N4 is coming and my prep is not at all good. Took a test today and i failed🥲. But i know my prep is soo bad,it was bound to happen. So have to study for that.
College exams are coming🥹 also have to study for that. The dissertation proposal is in the finalising stage,so that's good. But have to work on it properly imo.
Then i also proposed another research study to my professor and he has encouraged me to go for it. So,also have to work on it.
These very cutu plants in the scorching heat were a treat to eyes and mind.
Got this book from the library and I'm really enjoying reading the essays.
( correction in a tag- she scored less than me in class and she was all sad sad. With her i had to suppress my happiness at moments like these)
#here i go#so here in this clg i have 2 friends mainly they are my classmates and one is roomates also so thsi roomate is very toxic i kinda knew it#from the start but ignoted it bcs we became friends when we used to have online lectures and haven't met each other and somethings happened#in which she helped me so i was kinda obliged to stay w her. and after sometime i kinda strted feeling it. all the bad vibes#the toxicity she carry for other ppl judging them on their appearances and whenever i trued to correct her tries to manipulate things#like she jas all of the mean girl vibe but i the clown couldn't just had the courage or ways to not be w her i so wnated to but couldn't#it was all so fucked up and living w her. i changed i started judging ppl. this was so bad. she went through soem toughtimes and as i frien#friend i cared for her i was there for her almost all the times and most of the times whenever i needed her she was not.#tries to dominate always and the incident due to ehich I'm writing all this is - I'm not earing well properly well from past month she know#and last sunday i was very excited to this dish and i wanted to take more and she said very rudely how much more will you eat? i said i did#not had lunchand almost didn't eat the ehole day what's yhe nig deal abt it why tou saying and stopping me like that and she said i did not#say it she said again i did not say it with that rude voice like she can never be wrong and ppl wjom i rarely talk to have noticed that#I've lost weight but she who luves wirh me almost all the time do not know it whom I've talked to abt this don't knwo it . i didn't have#any appetite after that i just stuffed the food unsideand went outside wiyjout syaing anything 8 wanted ro puke so bad i controlled my#i couldn't beleive what just happened i didn't try to talk to her and she obviously wouldn't bcs of teh ego and then there's another friend#and classmate of us and she has a great bond w her then after taht incident she is also not talking ro me and. avoiding me in the corridor#making me feel like I'm the onw wrong here and thwse 2 ppl were not on talking term a week ago again ego calshes this other girl didn't#so yeah i got snakes here#now I'm all alone but this feels great literally like yes i cried and couldn't sleep bcs even tho i knew they are not always what they show#they were the only obes here i was able to form a bond with ( i hate this part so much now)and i care abt friendships alot but it ended#they are not talking to me I'm not talking to them. but thus whole thing made me free now I'm free i don't have to wait for them everytime#i want to go to library or to a class or to a walk bcs they wanted everything to be done in a grp#and I'm going everyday out to study to walk and to jyst peacefully live bcs now I don't have to deal with negativity and toxicity anymore#i feel myself again my trye self who was kind to ppl who wanted to just study quietly in evening who wanted to just go in class on time#i don't have to feel that if i di this will she judge me I'm feeling free with what I'm wearing I'll enjoy and celebrate all my wins#and achievements of the last year bcs i couldn't even enjoy those when i was with her just bcs she didn't got less tahn me#I'm smiling more nad I'm loving more myself to actually avle to come out of thsi spiral i didn't even know i could so yay#listening to you're on your own kid in loop and it made me so happy#that's it done. there was so much to say ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hope you got some idea of what's happening in my life#sending you all love and light and if you find urslf in somesimilar situation or any difficulty rn hope you get out of it very soon<3
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luck-of-the-drawings · 3 months
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my TWO FAVORITE THINGS IN THE WORLD, VAMPIRES N COWBOYS... deacon keller is SUCH a fun character, hes charming and funny but ALSO formidable and STRONG when he feels he needsta be. i hope him and arthur can get a chance to talk more and be better friends. l ike really good friend s. . like. like really good f. hangon i gotta go i think i hauve rabies.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#deacon keller#arthur bennett#OOUGUGHHAAOGUguguhh i feel so cringe whenever i ship two characters. like theyre not even REAL#why cant i be more 'hyperfixated' on getting bitched or something. CHRIST. anwyay i want em to hold hands or smth. yknow. freak stuff.#SO DEACON KELLER!! HE OVERHEARD ARTHUR TALKIN ABT THIS PLACE GETTING ATTACKED.. WE SAW HIM APPROACHING#AND THEN THE WHOLE FEAST PORTION OF THE PARTY HAPPENED N HE GOT STUCK#BUT HE KNEEEWW HE OVERHEARD ARTHUR SOMEHOW!! i just think thats neat. hes dedicated to protecting his people. hes respectable!!#GOD he doesnt even have that much screen time but i LOVE HIMMM n his silly lil shadow steed named Sunshine.. like cmon.... ugh.....#hes sweet n hes funny and he CAARES about the things hes in charge of on some levels. he certainly does his best to look after his own.#god idk what else to write here other than how much hes been on my MMMIND lately. the doctors are still running diagnostiscs#i just think hes so neat... also i think its funny that hes afraid o snakes. OH YKNOW lemme just talk abt my damn art. first o all this too#SSSOOO LONG. WEEKS EVEN.IVE BEEN WORKIN ON IT SINCE EP 5 WAS ON PATREON.it was sposed to be justa buncha doodles but then it Evolved#idk man...cowboys are just so cool...especially w VAMP POWERS..fastest shot in the west for a REASON BABY...n with the red smoke#n the glowing eyes..CMOn thats so cool i hadta get my visions into reality. the eyes were inspired by the music video for RATTLESNAKE (kglw#that where the IM THE SERPENT lines come from.lyrics from tha song.ooh yeah i love kglw so much...i also have other hidden messages here#i like to hide things...ALSO ALSO. I HAD SO MUCH TROUBLE W SO MUCH O THIS. the two bits with arthur n deacon biting eachother. AGONY#POSES ARE SO HHARRDDD SAME WITH THAT doodle o arthur slammin deacons head into the ground. WEEKS to get that pose RIGHT. I BLED SO MUCH#OHH AND GUNS???COWBOYHATS?? HIS GAY LIL JACKET? W THE DANGLIES?? AGOONYYY IT TOOK SO LONG TO PERFECT IT..especialy guns. OUUUHH#i also dont draw mustaches enough... which sucks bc im weak for a good mustache... BUT i think im doing pretty well on that.#it was hard but yknow what!! i think i did good! i rly like how this all turned out!! EXCEPT FOR THA FUCKIN RIBBON BOW THING I FORGOT TODRA#IN THE TOP RIGHT... THAT I JSUT NOTICED...its fine its fine i dont care that much. this is good enough to FEAST upon so im content n happy.#anyway i gotta leave ina few hours to start TRAINING for my NEW JOB!! CHEER FOR ME!! TRUCK IS A BLACKJACK DEALER NOW!! IEAAAHHH BABYYYY!!!!#thanku for reading my weird lil scrolls i bury beneath my posts. if u leave tags i WILL absorb them. and feel joy.
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peridots-pixiwolf · 1 year
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[Start ID. A digital drawing of Minos Prime from Ultrakill, who's wearing a strapless slit dress and sandals of the same deep purple. He faces towards and slightly to the right of the camera, his head is tilted further right. With one hand he gestures in a vague pointing motion, his arm folded and held close to his body. There is nothing in the background, but bracing himself on one arm, Minos is implied to be leaning against something about the height of a countertop. The background is a blank purplish black, save for three diagonal stripes in the colors of the bisexual flag. End ID]
Shading study that quite literally came to me in a dream two weeks ago, after this post apparently beamed itself into my mind
(also a few edits below the cut! they're very slight but whatever :])
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[Start ID. Three different versions of the previous drawing. The first changes the tone of the lighting from blue to pink, and similarly the shading from pink to blue. The second replaces the faint black border with pink, purple and blue, syncing with the stripes in the background. The third combines both these changes. End ID]
#the tags got NERFED so let's try this again.#peridots-art#minos prime ultrakill#ultrakill#ask to tag#organs#...? gore maybe? for the whole ''transparent chest/visible cardiovascular system'' thing. not very detailed/realistic though so#i don't think this has all of the same charm as i usually find in my posts. but i tried my best to make it work so i don't think it matters#also ''not too happy with how this turned out'' is something i've seen tacked onto posts worthy of being preserved in museums#i heard someone say his snakes should be ball pythons. i'm not autistic about snakes so i decided to listen to the masters#i still have seven levels to p-rank before i can meet this guy!! halfway there (lust/greed and 1-3 remaining) i've only had my own copy#of ultrakill for a week and i already have 33 hours in. anyway he's grown on me i think. absolute bi king and only monarch i respect <3#i think it's interesting how i now define my queerness by being gray-ace and trans when i first only identified with bisexual. it's still#an important part of me even if sometimes i forget. sorry that sounds completely unrelated but it's related to my feelings on this piece#anyway (i wonder how many ''anyway''s i've slapped on so far) i also find it interesting how often people draw him with this body type.#i think it's cool there's variety in how people draw the uk characters. it just kinda feels right here? i know i unfortunately don't draw#fat characters often at all (partially due to being a primarily fandom blog who likes to stick to canon designs. i wouldn't say i have#trouble with drawing a realistic amount of fat even on rather thin people though lol) but i try! also genuinely unsure what counts as like.#fat vs chubby? or whatever? i don't know exactly how the terminology works and a fair amount of minos' bulk is muscle anyway but. yeah 👍#men are pretty in dresses my final message. goodbye
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victorluvsalice · 7 months
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You and Your Friend by Snake River Conspiracy - Topic
Found this song while looking at @polyamorousmood's latest posts, and was intrigued enough by the sampled lyrics to take a listen. And -- yeah, I like it, and I think it's got the Valicer vibes! It's cool to link a song with genuine poly lyrics to my OT3, instead of finding ways to get a "standard" love song to fit. Granted, I'm a little muddled on what the Valicer vibes actually ARE -- while part of me thinks that the song would have to be from Victor's POV, as it's about being in love with someone and their explicitly-female friend (which suits Victor being the point of the V-relationship between him, Smiler, and Alice, with Smiler and Alice being the friends), the actual feel and lyrics of the song itself seems to lean a lot more toward SMILER being the POV character. I dunno, it just seems to suit them more than Victor. And platonic love IS a thing, so... *shrug* No matter what, though, "That's how I know I'm in love with you and your friend/Honest I do, I can't see you and me and her without each other" is definitely a real Valicer vibe. :)
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realboutfatalfury · 4 months
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finally got back to playing zero escape
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#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. ok. yay. <- so astonished#spoilers for puzzles and the ending i got? whoooooo care///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////#/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////<- just to be real sur#i want to get every ending before the true ending and um. wow only got to finishing one today bc um. yeah#i thought the ending with clover you knooooooooooooooowww....... was fucked up but this. holy fuck? holy fuuuuuuuuck#hated the puzzles in door 6 second half. fuuuuuuuck that shit i hate pushing boxes I HATE FINDING 3 DIGITS WHERE THE SUM IS 15.#fuck that one in particular...#i thought it was finding numbers with the digital root of 6 bc F is the 6th later but no.. i gotta find 15 bc of hexadecimal stuff...#but my first guess is not wrong technically bc 15 does have the digital root 6 but still....#anyways. snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake um was seeing him again but also not bc. ☹#fuck fuck fuuuuuuck i literally stopped at the part where things get crazay. clover tells me snake has a prosthetic arm swag.#later we find his ''body'' and his left arm is a real arm. inchresting.#thought this haaaaaas to come back. and it did. ☹#AND THEN ACE. 😲 <- my face when finding out the truth#AND THEN CLOVER. clover 😭#god i'm still like just sitting here processing. woafsdjkfsnjks#AND THEN SNAKE. SNAAAAAAAAAAKE#also the zero bracelet being 6... what does this meaaan?????????!!!!!?!? and zero at the end. and akane disappearing WHA TDOES IT MEAN#well find out next time on gabe plays zero escape after not playing it for 2ish years. lol
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wow……..ninjago s1 ep 5 is the EPISODE FOR ME. rewatching pythor slip on that ice for the ninth time (like yeah!!!!! GET THAT U LOOSER) and the absolute joy I got when I continued watching and scales had a grip on pythor’s hand and was like, “you gotta do better than that if u want to reunite the vibes” and pythor was JUST LOOKING at scales’ hand (I ship them so much they should get married and try to reunite the tribes that way……..gasp is that a fic idea) and SCREAMED “get ur hands of me” this is the most uncompossed pythor we’ve seen so far and I’m Living. IM LIVING… still not over when pythor was running after the guys and sLIPPED. SLIPPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also when pythor was like. hey why is my humour and charm NOT WORKING…. (slightly angy/genuine confused voice) and then, scales is like. ah Ninja……….I was wrong when I was rewatching ep one. the snakes era is literally the best………..
#yuki rewatches ninjago#ignore me; im rambling#tho I still can’t over when the red snakes were like. the blue snakes r SOOOOOO strong#like girl. they literally lost so easily to the ninjas and that fighting ring with scales and the past general WAS A JOKE#I cant take any of them seriously#I love these ridiculous snakes…….they’re so<3#ALSO love that the boys (the ninja boys) literally run and go back to fight the snakes when they see there’s a gathering of them#BUT rememebr the last time. u guys lost horribly what was even the plan here#I love Ninjago so much#also THAT JAY+KAI MOMENT…. WHERE KAI IS STILL UNDER THE VENAMORI SNAKE SPIT….. AND IS LIKE I GOT U#yeah yeah yeah oKAY I can see why people ship them now#anyways.#Ninjago man#most importantly: PYTHOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I van see why pythor is the only survive of the ana however u spell them tribe#ALSO LLOYD GOING: oh man I shouldn’t have released those first snakes#and you’re not seeing the point. which is that one was BY ACCIDENT#but then u got betrayed and went to release another snake and haven’t learn and got betrayed and RELEASED ANOTHER ONE and can u guess what h#happened afterwards#anyways I love baby Lloyd hes so <3 CUTE !!!!!! AND SQUISHY…………#and I am still a wreck over that pythor+Lloyd ep…………….PYTHOR DID LLOYD SO DIRTY!!!!!!!!! SUCH A TERRIBLE SSSSNAKE#anyways. love this show it’s great#I LOVE that the pink came through for Zane#was def upset when they made Zane hate pink for being pink WHEN I REMEMBERER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT PINK APRON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#u could have just said Zane misses his white…………..instead of going ooooo pink colour! loook he’s wearing it! how funny#no. it isn’t actually.#ANYWAYS#also this ninja r so horribly bad at being ninjas but still r make it. I AM SO HORRIBLY ENDEARED#I love them#the only ones WAIT… I cant Even Write that because I’m laughing at the fact that Sensei wu gave them
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astrxealis · 1 year
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sometimes i think gbf is not that “wtf” then remember there was a mcdonalds collab aside from the one for red bull. and . bubs :)) and. recently they made a tsuchinoko snake hot af
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა gbf ໒꒱ *·˚#good gods i didn't know that the enemy for gw this time around is technically. the tsuchinoko snake#I SKIPPED THE INTRO AT FIRST BCS I THOUGHT IT WAS THE SAME AS ALWAYS BUT APPARENTLY NOT. this is really cool tho#bless h-word people on twt for helping me realize that the pretty enemy was a snake :)#glowing snake#THE GUY THE#THE GREEDY MAN JUST GOT BLASTED this feels like an xiv reference! /j#nozuchi ... wow#tbh i like how gbf does stuff like this like uhh shiva! compared to ff shiva it's closer to its actual origin. which is really cool#THE FUCKING SSHEEE IS KILLING ME what is with this game#and the APRIL FOOLS STUFF !!! even the people on the gbf wiki do hilarious things#haha hildibrand gbf and haurchefant :)) and haurchefant's skill names!!!!!! :)))))#and others like childe from the hit game genblue impantasy or however one would mix genshin and granblue and impact and fantasy together#i'm currently doing gw for gbf and posting on tumblr when i need to sleep soon bcs i wake at 5 for school and it is now 10 pm#and i also am going to apply for committees for our upcoming fair and the forms end in an hour (hashtag multitasker)#also i have xiv open but i have not. played. and also i was doing proseka autoplay just a bit ago#actually bless i think i'm good w gw now! crew rankings good and safe and so are individual rankings ^___^#man i should play during class to not waste ap /hj#good night in advance i rambled a lot here. not really. but YEAH#i'm exhausted wooooo (won't go to sleep yet)
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dbphantom · 2 years
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I'm going to fucking throw up from laughing so hard at this
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The duality of man.
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#Fuck it we ball#I might honestly be sick from all the crying hence the nausea but this certainly isn't helping Lmfao#I'm for sure so overtired my brain int overflowed its depression into laughing at every stupid thing I see#Just to be clear this is my own writing I'm allowed to make fun of it#Something something hurting myself before anyone else can something something#H2O au#It's going down in funky town#Uhhh I finally got to the brotherhood anime part and it still bothers me that they all watched Noct get yeeted off a cliff and nobody went-#'yeah we should probably uh do something about that before he drowns'#So I fixed it#And by fixed it I mean made it 10x worse#Marilith snake lady?? Also scaly and has no legs :) it would be a shame if someone were to hallucinate from oxygen deprivation :) kill me#Noct using his trauma to give other people trauma it's all in good fun or whatever#Just boys being boys#6 chapters later and Gladio is the one who has to unpack this because everyone else in this party is severely emotionally repressed#Gladio is the only emotionally healthy person here. God help him he's going to fucking need it#Which is such a fun spin on the tough guy trope#Because like. Looking at all them you'd think it's Prompto? Being the 'cheerful one' trope. But Prompto is Prompto.#Noct is just straight up depressed and I felt that dude#Ignis hasn't been allowed to feel anything since he was 7 lest he accidentally boil somebody alive#Which leaves Gladio. Good luck dude. You are going to need it.#H2O au? More like Gladio moonlights as a therapist au#Cruddy rambles
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devinedoll · 1 month
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hiii request for when rafe tells reader he loves her for the first time! i feel like it would be so sudden like ..
is 🎀 anon taken? :3
got mildly carried away with this one!! hope you like it!! and no it’s not 😊😊💌💌
rafe’s hands squeeze into fists at the sound of your giggles behind him. he hears the low buzz of the hair clippers behind him, feeling your hands as they brush against his head, “what’s goin’ on back there doll?”
you’re giggling again, running the clippers along his scalp and watching as his beloved bangs fall to the ground, “m’just thinkin’ about your new look s’all” you answer honestly. you weren’t sure if you would like it at first, but with every pass of the clipper you feel the idea growing on you.
he smiles to himself at your high pitched laughter, “alright just keep your eyes on my head, don’t need you messin’ this shit up”
you salute him even though he can’t see you and get back to work. before long, rafe has lost the entirety of his hair—and you have named yourself his new hairstylist, dragging him to the bathroom to show him his new look.
you’re standing in front of him in the mirror, the two of you observing his his head intently.
“i think i like it” you announce, giving him a big toothy grin in the mirror.
he flips you around, large hands gripping your waist to place you atop the counter, “well that’s good, because i can’t get it back honey”
you nod, doe eyes staring up at him with the most intense gaze he’s ever received. it should make him nervous, the potency of your eyes on his, but instead it soothes him.
rafe’s spent a lot of years with eyes on him. mean ones that form thin lines, gazes filled with disgust, with anger. rafe’s used to evoking these feelings, but your’s are different.
you look at him like he hung the moon. big pupils that he can see his reflection in, accompanied with the sweetest smile he’s ever encountered.
it’s not often he’s relaxed, in fact, he beats himself up often for his inability to live life. but here with you right now, your eyes make him feel at ease.
“i love you”
your eyes widen in tandem with rafe’s, the two of you processing his words together, “damnit, forget i said that”
but you’re immediately mushy, body sinking into the counter like a puddle of honey, small arms snaking around the boys large frame, “you love me bear? like you really mean it?”
and he’s blinking at you, running a large hand down his face in distress before mumbling out a secure response, “i do.”
the smile that appears on your face is dazzling, and rafe fights the matching one that threatens to appear, “i love you too.”
he’s smushing his tongue into his cheek, nodding at you with a pleased smirk. meanwhile you’re elated, arms thrown around him and voice carrying throughout the room, “you love me! you love me!”
he’s hiding a smile behind you, “yeah don’t wear it out, kid”
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sparklingchim · 7 months
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you're losing me; m | jjk
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pairing: jungkook x reader
word count: 3.2k
rating: 18+
genre: angst, married couple, age gap, ceo jk, nepo baby oc, second chance romance
warnings: thigh riding, liddol hickey, spittt, groping, dirty talk, name calling, only one spank!!, arguments 🙄, mentions of smoking?, daddy kink, fake sympathy, creampie, little cum play,
summary: jungkook is late from work yet again. but he shows you just how much he missed you.
a/n: this is for us angst girlies 🫂
⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒
Something is not right.
Your nose picks up on the unfamiliar scent on Jungkook as you bury your face into his chest. He squeezes you tightly, big arms embracing you with a warm hug.
“Hi, love,” he softly whispers. Jungkook cradles your head and you melt into his hand. He is bent down to your position on the bed, his loose tie hanging from his neck.
“Missed you.” Your voice gets buried in the kiss Jungkook presses on your lips. You catch his tie and pull him closer.
“I told you not to stay up.” He leans back. Accusatory eyes peering down at you.
Your nose scrunches when he steps away, the pungent waft snaking up your nostrils.
“Did you smoke?”
His round eyes widen at the question, but he denies it with a firm shake of his head. His neatly styled hair doesn’t move – except the short, wispy flyaways on his forehead. Jungkook’s lips pucker the slightest bit. He appears innocent and you believe him if he tells you so.
“I was with Mingyu a lot,” he explains. He places his folded suit jacket on the dresser and begins to loosen the sleeve of his shirt. “You know how he is when he’s stressed.”
You lean against the headboard. “I don’t like the smell.”
“I know.” He starts unbuttoning the front of his shirt. “I’m sorry.” He walks over to his nightstand and exchanges his Rolex for his smart watch. You watch him with knitted eyebrows. “I’m gonna head down to the gym – do a quick workout session.”
“Jungkook it’s late. You just got home from work.” You reach for his arm.
He turns to you, chiselled chest peeking out from underneath his unbuttoned shirt. “It’s fine. I’m not tired.”
You huff, crossing your arms. “Then let me watch you work out.”
Jungkook sniffs a laugh. “You stay here.” He presses a kiss to your forehead. “Get some sleep for me, yeah? I know you have an appointment tomorrow morning.” His knuckles trace the outline of your jawline.
You sigh and draw back.
“Hey – don’t be upset.” He catches your chin with his fingers. “I told you I was gonna work out today.”
A harsh glower settles on your face. “Well, I thought that meant you’d come home earlier.”
“I tried to, love. I really tried.” His worried eyes search for understanding in yours. “I don’t want you upset. I never want you upset.”
He tilts your chin, so you meet his eyes. Jungkook’s gaze is soft. The amount of softness you’d have if you were staring at a delicate, precious thing. He always looks at you like this.
“I only ever want to make you happy. Nothing else.” His eyebrows raise to stress the tender words he whispered into the room. “Just want to make my wife happy.”
Warmth spreads in your chest. “I know that,” you answer meekly.
Deep down, there’s an overwhelming desire to pour your heart out to him, to express the multitude of things that have been gnawing at your soul, each one a sharp thorn in your side, leaving you utterly upset. But considering how late it is you don’t think it’s the right moment to unleash this torrent of pent-up frustration.
You’re both tired from the useless arguments. You don’t want to make this day any more exhausting for him.
“If you want to make me a happy wife then finish off that workout quickly and join me in bed,” you say. “I need cuddles.”
His eyes crease before a gentle smile sweeps over his mouth. “Good night, love.” He catches your lips in a swift, tender good-night-kiss. “You should shut that thing off. It’s too late for that.” Jungkook regards your iPad with a disgruntling scrunch of his nose. He hates screen time before bed. But you just love drawing on it.
You’d tease Jungkook with it sometimes. Annoy the hell out of him until he’d see no other choice but to put you to sleep his way.
But now Jungkook tucks you under the bed, makes sure to grab his number one enemy when it comes to having you to himself at night and hides in his nightstand.
You watch him slip off his shirt as he crosses the room. You get a glimpse of his broad shoulders and unfairly teeny tiny waist before he leaves the bedroom.
You turn to your side. A tiring sigh flies past your lips.
With two gentle claps of your hands the dim lights in the room shut off.
The spot next to you is empty. Cold.
It’s unsettling how quickly you’ve gotten used to the feeling.
~
The mattress dips beside you.
“Hmm?” You stir awake, emitting confused murmurs.
“I’m sorry,” Jungkook hushes from behind you. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”
Your head turns in his direction. “Jungkook.” You bury your face into the crook of his neck. He is a magnet, always pulling you in. Even when you are sleepy and can barely force your eyes open.
His fingers find their way to your hair and in slow patterns he strokes over the length of it.
“What time is it?” you mutter the question into his skin.
“Just past midnight.”
“Two hours?” Your peeved grumble prompts him to peck your bare shoulder. “You said quick workout.”
“I didn’t work out the entire week, babe.”
You rest your head on his arm, glaring up at him. “It’s just Wednesday.”
Jungkook shushes you with a firm squeeze on your hips. “I’m here now. Done with everything.”
When you hear him emit a tiny, exhausted blow through his nose – barely audible in the quiet room, but you notice because you notice every little detail about him – your eyes turn worried.
“You okay?”
Jungkook lets the questions linger in the air before he nods firmly, uttering a, “Yeah. I’m fine.”
You tentatively sweep his short hair from his forehead. It’s a little damp from the shower.
“The day was filled with lots of important meetings. It was a lot today.” Before you can place your hand back on his chest, he catches your wrist and adds a small kiss to the back of your hand.
You figured as much. Jungkook barely texted you back today. Needed hours to respond.
“Was at least the food that I ordered for you good?”
“Fuck – don’t remind me.” He bites his bottom lip, pleasure spreading over his face. “The food was incredible. Have you eaten there before?”
A smile curves your lips. “Uh-huh. Went there with Namjoon last week. I didn’t know when you’d have time to have dinner there with me, so I got my favourite from the menu for you.”
Jungkook has been coming late from work for over two weeks now. You barely had cute dates anymore.
“We can go there.” His tatted fingers toy with the hem of your lacy nightgown. “You wanna go there tomorrow? I’ll finish work earlier.”
Your eyes sparkle. “I’d love to.”
Jungkook’s dimple appear at your beaming face. He drags your thigh over his abdomen, the silky fabric of your nightgown riding up the curve of your butt. His palm rests on the exposed skin.
“Why didn’t you blow dry your hair?” you ask. You tug at some damp strands.
“Didn’t want to wake you.” Jungkook cranes his neck down to gently kiss your forehead. “We should sleep now. It’s late.”
Your brows furrow in exaggerated displeasure. “Not yet.”
“What’s wrong, love?” He cups your cheek worriedly.
“Wanna hang out more.”
Jungkook chuckles lightly. “You wanna hang out?”
“You’ve been making me feel really lonely,” you say in a pout.
“Love, fuck.” His hand on the swell of your ass squeezes your flesh. “Don’t say that.”
“You’re barely home.” You get closer to him, if even possible, knee skimming past the front of his grey sweatpants. The pads of his fingers dig into your skin at that motion.
“You really don’t wanna sleep, huh?”
“Nuh-uh.”
You slowly start to grind your hips against him.
“Then let me make up for all the time I’ve been away from my wife.”
You giggle when he draws you on top of him. You straddle his thigh as Jungkook leads your face down to his mouth. It’s an impatient and longing kiss, the type that has your mind bewitched, compelling you into chanting his name in a never-ending rhythm.
Jungkook rids himself of his sweatpants, tossing them to the ground with his feet.
Your hips continue to move on his now bare thighs, moving your kisses to from his lips to his neck. He doesn’t like having marks on his neck, but you can’t help but feel a little selfish when you start sucking on his skin. Just merely a second after, Jungkook pulls at your hair.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he questions with a sharp gaze.
“Having fun?” Your desire to leave a little hickey might also stem from media outlets starting to question why Jungkook and you haven’t been spotted together recently, but you’d rather not admit that. You don’t want him to think that you care about public perception, even though Jungkook is very well aware of it all. You just like to pretend it doesn’t affect you.
You just can’t wait for the photos tomorrow when you will show up in a cute outfit with Jungkook holding your hand, a small love bite adorning his neck after not making a public appearance with him for a couple weeks.
He sniffs a laugh. “Just can’t help it, can you?”
“Never.” You bat your eye lashes.
His hands are on your waist, encouraging your slow movements. He bunches the soft material of your baby blue nightgown in his palms, staring at your clothed pussy.
“I can feel how wet you are for me.” His eyes move with the motions of your hips, a gentle smirk capturing his lips. “What’s gotten you so worked up, babe?” He flexes his thigh, coaxing a gasp from you.
“You.” You’re already a little breathless, his heartbreakingly handsome face fuelling the deep desire of needing more.
Jungkook clicks his tongue. “Have I not been taking care of my love? Hm?” Jungkook asks you in mock sympathy.
You nod, pressing your palms against his ripped chest while your hips grind a bit rougher on his thigh.
“I’m sorry.” He traces your bottom lip, gentleness coating his words. He pops his finger into your mouth, making you suck on it. You swirl your tongue around it until he withdraws his finger, sneaking it in your panties and pressing it against your sensitive clit.
A whine flies past your lips at his touch, moving even faster.
“You’re gonna cum for me like this?” He starts circling the pad of his thumb on your clit.
Arching your back, you lean in for a kiss, uttering little moans of his name against his lips. You can feel the smug smirk on his mouth, can feel his possessiveness in the way he squeezes your ass and hear it in the loud smack that echoes through the room after his palm collided with your butt.
When you feel the pleasure exploding within you, you bury your face into Jungkook’s neck. Your body trembles. Jungkook tilts his head and gingerly pecks your temple, hands skimming over your back.
“Good girl,” he murmurs.
Jungkook puts you on your back, tugging off your panties and carelessly throws them away. He does the same to his pair of black briefs.
You watch him spit on his dick and stroke his hard cock while you get comfy on the pillows. Jungkook rubs his tip over your soaked pussy, leisurely pressing his dick inside when his head is against your entrance.
“Fuck, I missed your pussy.” He wraps your legs around his waist, staring at how your pussy takes his entire length.
As he moves his cock, his hand raises to your head to tame your chaotic hair. You pucker your lips a little and he instantly answers your silent request with a smooth press of his mouth against yours.
“Want your vibrator?” he asks.
“Too sensitive.” Your nails graze his back, your feet keeping him close to you.
Jungkook pushes your silky nightgown past your tummy and over your tits. He loves watching them bounce as he thrusts his cock into your pussy. He gropes them, toying a little with your nipple as he swipes his spit over your nub. His eyes are practically glued to the supple swells on your chest.
Until he finds something prettier than your tits. Your face.
He wears a boyish smile on his face when you meet his gaze. You bite your lip, pleasure and giddiness swirling through you.
“Taking my cock so well,” he praises. “Such a good slut for daddy.”
You gulp, teeth sinking further into your lip.
He lowers his head, pulling your earlobe between his lips before he whispers, “Right? You love being a good slut for daddy.”
Chills spreads over your neck and you manage a meek nod as loud whines escape your throat.
“Use your big girl words,” Jungkook demands. “Tell me whose girl you are. You can do that, can’t you?” His voice turns sweet again, though the taunting glint remains in his eyes. Your pussy foolishly clenches.
“I’m daddy’s girl,” you utter with bright eyes.
Jungkook flashes you his dimples. Excitement spreads in your tummy at his approval.
“Open,” he instructs and you part your mouth. He drops a tiny bead of saliva in your mouth. With one hand around your throat, he feels you swallowing it. “Good girl.”
He pushes the back of your thighs towards your body, picking up on his speed.
“Jungkook,” you moan weakly.
“Gonna fill this pussy with my cum.”
He pounds you faster, harder, filling the room with filthy sounds.
“I’m close,” you mumble, fingers clawing at the bed.
“Cum with me,” he rasps.
Jungkook grunts your name and you feel yourself topple over the edge as his tip kisses the sweet spot inside you, repeatedly hitting it until your hands fly up to his shoulders and nails dig into his skin.
His hips still, painting your pussy white. Jungkook plants slow kisses on your collarbone, trying to catch his breath.
When he pulls out, his cum follows, but he pushes your mixed juices back inside. You moan lightly, tapping your feet against his back to tell him to get you something to clean you up.
But Jungkook remains on top of you just a little longer. “You did so good,” he whispers. He catches your left hand and pecks the ring that adorns your finger. “I love you.”
“Love you,” you mutter back, a tiny, exhausted smile curving your mouth.
“Forever.” With a doting kiss he conceals the promise he has been making to you for four years.
Getting off the bed, he puts on his briefs and disappears into the bathroom to fetch a warm cloth. When he returns to clean you up, he is gentle with you, peppering kisses on your tummy and thighs and flashing cute smiles your way as he does it.
With his sweatpants and now dirty cloth he walks back into the bathroom.
“Have you thought about costumes for the Halloween party?” you ask him.
“Halloween party?” His voice ricochets through the bathroom.
“Chanyeol’s Halloween party,” you remind him as he saunters back into the bedroom. The grey sweatpants hang dangerously low on his hips. “Wanna go through my Pinterest board? I collected some cute ideas.”
He grabs white lacy panties from the dresser. “It’s in two weeks?” Jungkook helps you slip on the new panties, ducking down to press a light peck on the little bow sitting on the centre of it. “I’ll see if I can find the time.”
You look at him puzzled. “What do you mean?”
Jungkook rakes his hand through his messy hair. “You know I’m extremely busy at the moment.”
“But we always go to Chanyeol’s party.” You reach for his hand, tugging him closer to the bed. Disappointment pulls your lips into a pout.
Chanyeol’s Halloween party is always big, extravagant and ridiculously dramatic, but that is exactly what makes it fun. You love extravagance. Love dressing up.
Jungkook’s finger brusher over your dainty ring. “You can still go. You don’t need me to go with you.”
You drop his hand with a frustrated huff. It’s not the response you wanted to hear. “Missing out on Jimin’s birthday last week wasn’t enough?” you ask disdainfully. A bit mean. You don’t care.
“I’m not doing it purposefully.” He levels you with reproving eyes. “I wish I could’ve come.”
You tuck your feet back underneath the blanket, pulling it up to your lap. “Just squeeze in a little time for the party.” You almost add a “please?”, but you’re feeling terribly annoyed; the kind that makes you unconsciously clench your jaw and pull your brows so tightly, they practically touch.
“I’m not going to schedule around a silly Halloween party, ___.” His tone drips with irritation.
“Fine,” you reply, scooching back on the bed. “Don’t know why I even bothered.”
“Love.” It’s a futile attempt at taming the sudden raging anger that crawled up your neck.
“You’ve been doing this constantly, Jungkook.”
He still stands in front of the bed. Tongue poking his cheek as he debates his next words. He swipes his hand over his face, sighing into his palm.
“You don’t understand,” he grumbles annoyed.
“I know you don’t.”
Jungkook scoffs at your reply – even wears a crooked, ridiculing smile. An angry flush appears on his cheeks.
“Let’s not do this before bed,” he suggests. Tiredness is written all over him.
We’re already in the middle of it. But you keep that to yourself. You don’t have the energy for a bigger fight. He’s drained it from you from all the fights the nights before this.
“I don’t care anymore,” you say. “Shouldn’t have asked you anyway.”
Jungkook turns off the little lamp on his bedside table before he gets into bed. You turn your back to him.
Your heart is heavy with confusing emotions as you lie there in silence. You almost feel your eyes well up with tears, but you blink them away as soon as you feel them.
“Want me to accompany you to your appointment?” Jungkook asks suddenly.
“No.” Yes.
“I’ll start work a little later.” Jungkook’s hand sweeps across your tense shoulders. You must’ve unintentionally stiffened at the mention of your gynaecologist appointment. “I know you’re a little anxious.”
As sleep gradually embraces you a little later, you try to pull back every time invisible strings tug you closer towards Jungkook. You don’t want to sleep in his arms this night, but your heart stubbornly ignores what your mind wants.
Your silent resistance eventually ends, surrendering to the inevitability of your limbs becoming entwined with his. Your cheek is pressed against his chest and his nose is buried in your hair while the soft cadence of his heartbeat finally lulls you into a deep slumber.
This is just the way Jungkook and you function.
Yet, despite your efforts, small seeds of doubt continue to sprout up in your mind, making you question just how much longer you can tolerate this.
5K notes · View notes
cloudybarnes · 7 months
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new beginnings
Pairing: theodore nott x reader
Summary: after theo very unexpectantly breaks up with you, you try your best to pick yourself back up and move on. theo, on the other hand, seems to be having a harder time of that.
Word Count: 2.2k+
Masterlist
part two :)
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✰  ✰  ✰
“(Y/N), you’ve got to get out of bed at some point.” Hermione said. She was sitting on the side of your bed while you laid fully wrapped under the covers. Hermione gently tugged the blanket down from your chin, but you whined a little in protest. 
“‘Mione, I seriously can’t do this yet.”
Theo, your boyfriend of over a year had broken up with you only a few short days ago. You’d been in bed ever since, heartbroken over what could have been. 
“(Y/N), I know you’re upset, but you have to get up. I can’t let you live the rest of your life in bed! Don’t you know how badly your bum would hurt from laying all of your life?” Hermione joked. 
A small smile grew on your lips. “Yeah, that would be pretty tragic. I have too nice of a butt to let that happen.”
Hermione laughed. “There she is! I’ve missed your little jokes. Ron and Harry have become quite boring without you around. I think they’re worried about you.” 
You groaned. “Nooo. I hate when people worry about me. It’s just so awkward when I have to be like ‘I’m fine’, ‘no really, I’m fine’.”
Hermione shrugged. “Well, are you?”
You sighed, pulling the covers down from your chin. You looked up at her, a forlorn look on your face. “Definitely not, but I suppose you’re right. I don’t want to be stuck in here for the rest of my life. I just, I just don’t think I can handle seeing him right now.”
Hermione looked at you sadly. “I know. I hate seeing you so upset like this. God, what I would do to put a hex on that boy. He’s quite deserving of it, I would say. Maybe a rat’s tail, or a snake tongue.”
You giggled and sat up in bed. “Or how about we make him bald, or worse, blonde.” 
Hermione laughed at that. “Oh, Godric, then we’d have another Draco running around. I don’t think I could handle that.”
“Me either,” you laughed. Slowly, your smile dropped. “I just hate him. Well, no, I don’t hate him. And I hate that! I hate that even after breaking my heart I still love him and long for him.”
Hermione sighed, “I’m sorry, (Y/N/N), I wish I could say something or do something to make this better, I just really don’t know what.”
You shrugged, “yeah, it is what it is. It’s not your fault he’s an ass.”
She chuckled. “So, what do you say? You wanna try to get down to the great hall before dinner starts? I’m sure the guys would like to see you again.” 
You thought it over for a minute. You really had missed your friends. Other than Hermione, you’d ostracized yourself from everyone just to avoid Theo. 
But were you really ready to see him again? You didn’t think you would ever be ready to see him again. 
“You know what,” you stated, “I am gonna go to dinner tonight. And I’m gonna ignore him and see my friends who I’ve missed and ignore the hell out of him because he’s an ass and why should I be the one who has to stay in bed all day?”
“Woohoo!” Hermione cheered. “You’re amazing, let’s get you showered and dressed. I hate to say it, but if you’re gonna get back into the world, you need to wash your hair.” 
You chuckled as you picked up a piece of hair to inspect it. “Yeah, okay. Shower first, look really pretty, eat dinner, come back. Piece of cake.” 
You pushed the covers off of you as Hermione stood from the bed. 
She said, “I’m gonna grab your clothes, so just get in the shower. We shouldn’t be too late to dinner that way.”
You nodded and headed to the bathroom. You were gonna go in there, socialize with your friends, reassure them you were fine, and everything would go back to normal. You hoped. 
✰  ✰  ✰
“(Y/N)!” Ginny shouted as you and Hermione made it to the Gryffindor table. She stood up from her seat and pulled you right into a hug. 
Releasing the breath you didn’t know you were holding, you smiled and held her even tighter in the hug. Ginny was an amazing friend to you. She had tried her best to see you, but you didn���t let anyone in. Only Hermione since she shared the room with you. 
Pulling away, Ginny dragged you to sit down next to her. Hermione followed suit and sat on the other side of you. “Oh, we’ve missed you so much, (Y/N/N). We’ve all been so worried about you, haven’t we?”
Harry and Ron sat across from you. They both nodded their heads, agreeing with Ginny. 
“Yeah, what an ass,” Ron scoffed. “Honestly, someone needs to knock that bloke down from his high horse. He doesn’t know what he’s missing, (Y/N/N).”
“Yeah,” Harry replied as he pushed some mashed potatoes in his mouth. “Theodore is a walking red flag. I for one am not sorry for him. He lost a good girl and he’s gonna regret what he’s done.”
You smiled at them. “Yeah, I am pretty awesome. Thanks guys.”
They chuckled and continued eating. Merlin knows those two could eat an entire quidditch field full of food. 
“Ahem,” a throat cleared from behind you. 
Turning around, you saw Enzo standing there sheepishly. 
“Uh,” he stuttered, “hey, (Y/N).” 
“Oh,” you said. “Uh, hi Enzo. Do you need something?” You couldn’t hide the crack in your voice. Damn it.
Enzo was probably your favorite of Theo's friends. He was always the one you had most in common with, and therefore connected with pretty easily. You’d never hung out one on one, so you couldn’t really say he was your friend. 
“I-no I don’t need something, per say. I just wanted to talk to you. Alone, if, uh, that’s alright.” 
You looked back at your friends, unsure if you should talk with him or not. They all seemed to be the same amount of weary as you were, but you were intrigued. 
“I don’t really want to talk to Theo, if that’s what this is.”
Enzo shook his head. “No! Ahem, no. I wanted to talk to you. To, uh, apologize kind of? I don’t know. It’s fine if you don’t wanna talk to me, this was silly, I’m sorry-“
“It’s fine, Enzo,” you cut off his rambling. “I’ll speak with you.” You looked back at your friends as you stood up from the table. “I’ll be right back.”
They nodded their heads as you let Enzo lead you away from the table and out the door. 
Once you two stood out in the hallway, Enzo kind of just shuffled his feet around, almost as if he was shying away from talking to you. 
“Am I supposed to say something first?” You questioned, crossing your arms over your chest. 
“No, sorry,” he said as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I just feel a little awkward. I know what happened between you and Theo, but I guess I just hoped that didn’t mean we couldn’t be friends anymore.”
Your eyes softened a little at his confession. Enzo’s cheeks blushed a little as you stared at him. 
You sighed. You and Enzo really had been good friends, and you weren’t exactly keen on losing his friendship. 
“I mean,” he continued, “you’re the only one who doesn’t make fun of my poetry, you’re the one I go to when I want to talk about books or get recommendations from, and I just would hate to lose our friendship just because I’m friends with Theo as well.”
Your heart melted. “Enzo, of course I still want to be friends with you. I will admit, I was a little nervous you wouldn’t want to talk to me anymore after Theo broke up with me. I really enjoy being your friend.”
Enzo smiled in relief. “Oh good. I thought this would be more awkward and a little bit more sad than how it’s actually going.”
You giggled. “Thank god. I don’t know what I would have done if I just had a real breakup as well as a friendship breakup.”
Enzo smiled awkwardly. “Yeah, I am really sorry about that. I don’t know why he would ever break up with you in the first place. You’re so kind, and I thought you brought the best out in him.”
You forced an awkward smile. You really did not want to be talking about Theo right now, especially not about how you made him a better person. 
Before you could reply, a voice yelled out from behind you. 
“Oi!”
Turning around, you could see Theo storming up towards you and Enzo. 
“What the fuck, mate?” Theo huffed as he got in between you and Enzo. 
“Woah!” You shouted, backing up as Theo got up into Enzo’s face.  “Theo, what are you doing?”
He ignored you and kept talking to Enzo. “Are you hitting on my girlfriend? Right after all the shit we just went through?”
“What?” Enzo squeaked. “I’m not hitting on her, I was just talking to her.”
You were pissed. Your fists balled up at your sides as you stomped up to Theo. You grabbed onto his shoulder and yanked him away from Enzo. Theo didn’t see it coming, so he stumbled and fell back a couple of steps. 
“Get the hell away from him,” you growled. “And what the fuck is wrong with you, Theodore?” 
You got between Theo and Enzo, pushing your finger into your ex-boyfriend’s chest accusingly. 
“First,” you said, “you break up with me, break my heart, and then you have the fucking nerve to come up here all righteous and accuse Enzo of whatever the fuck you said, all while calling me your girlfriend when you’re the asshole who broke up with me!”
You glared at Theo, watching as his anger turned soft. “I am not your girlfriend anymore, Theodore Nott. You’re the one who made that happen, so you have no fucking right to come up in my conversations acting like I owe you anything.” 
“(Y/N),” he softly said. “I… I’m sorry. You’re right, I shouldn’t have come out here all crazy. I just, I hate seeing you with anyone else, even if it’s one of my friends.” 
He turned to talk to Enzo, “I’m sorry, mate. Will you give us a few minutes?” 
Enzo nodded his head and gave you an awkward smile before heading back into the dining hall. 
You huffed, settling down a little as you stared at Theo. 
He looked tired. His eyes had circles underneath them, and his cheeks didn’t have their usual flush to them. He was as gorgeous as ever, but he looked drained. 
“You don’t look so good,” you pointed out, trying to sound nonchalant. 
Theo frowned and softly said, “neither do you.”
Your lips pulled tight in a frown. Theo didn’t need to know how much he had affected you with the breakup. 
You sighed, “what are you doing, Theo?”
He shrugged and put his hands in his pockets awkwardly. “I, uh, I’m not really sure. I just didn’t like seeing you with Enzo.”
“Why? You broke up with me.”
Theo huffed, “I don’t know. I just don’t like seeing you with anyone else. It still feels like I’m supposed to be there. Like I’m supposed to be the one with you. I miss you.”
You shook your head as hurt started to creep back into your heart. “Don’t say things like that to me, Theo. Not after what you did. I loved you, and you broke up with me out of nowhere for no good reason, either.”
“I’m sorry,” he tried to reach for you, but you shrugged off his hand. “I don’t know why I did what I did. I just know that I regret it like crazy. I want to be with you, (Y/N). I’ve always wanted to be with you, I was stupid to let you go. Can you forgive me?”
Your lips pulled tight. “Theo, I can’t just get back with you like this.” You said. “I don’t trust you anymore. You broke my heart, and broke my trust. You gave me no reason for the breakup, so who’s to say it won’t happen right after we get back together?”
He shook his head. “Dolcezza, no. I won’t do that to you, not again. What can I do to prove this to you?”
You shrugged. “I don’t know. I can’t get back with you. Not like this, and not so soon. You really hurt me, Theo.”
“Well, what if we try being friends at least?” He suggested. 
“You wanna be my friend?”
“No,” he said immediately. “But I’ll settle for being your friend for as long as it takes to win you back.” 
Your heart warmed at what he had said. Maybe you could try being friends with him. He did really hurt you, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t miss him. 
“Okay,” you decided, “I’ll give you a chance to be my friend. Don’t hurt me again, Theodore, or I’ll get Ginny on you.”
He chuckled. “Don’t worry, darling, I’m gonna do whatever it takes to get my baby back. I can promise you that.” 
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cockwarming stebro!rafe but he can’t take it anymore and ends up pounding you from behind💗
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warnings: stepcest, cockwarming, unprotected sex
rafe’s days of feeling guilty for wanting to fuck his bratty little step sister was long gone the second you stepped into his room wearing the skimpiest night gown he’d ever seen. “why are you still awake?” rafe got up, poking his head out the door to see if anyone might’ve seen you before locking it behind him. “can’t sleep..” you trailed off, doe eyes glancing up at him through your lashes. he studied you for a moment. “and what am i supposed to do about that?” he crossed his arms over his chest, the sight of his muscles making you swallow nervously. “can i sleep with you?” you leaned back, fully aware that your step brother could see your nipples through the sheerness of your top.
rafe glanced down, all his blood rushing to his cock. as if he needed another reason to let you be in the same bed as him, he watched as you crawled under the sheets, giving him a full view of your bare ass. he knew you knew what you were doing, but where’s the fun in not playing along? see just how far you’re willing to take it. “that’s some night gown you got on there.” he walked around to his side of the bed, turning the lamp off before getting under the covers. you smiled to yourself, your fingers fiddling with the small bow that was stitched at the hem. “yeah? you like it?” you turned your back to him, biting your lip as you felt the warmth of his body against your skin.
“yeah, it’s real pretty..” he pulled you against him, a gasp leaving your lips when you felt his erection resting on the curve of your ass. “you feel what you do to me?” he ran a hand down your side, lifting your thigh as he took himself out of his boxers. “rafe,” you whispered breathlessly. “don’t act coy. what else could you want when you walk in here with no panties on, huh?” he teased, “i’m gonna give you what you’re asking for.” you whimpered when you felt the head of his cock run across your clit. “please, ‘want you inside me so bad.” rafe shushed you as he entered you slowly, a groan falling from his lips as your hand found solace on his.
“don’t think i forgot about you mouthing off to me earlier today in front of my friends.” he used his other hand to wrap around your throat. “i don’t like bratty little bitches, you know that? i should punish you for that shit.” his words had you squeezing around him, desperate for any kind of friction you could get. “so do it.” he laughed bitterly, nodding his head before whispering in your ear. “that mouth is gonna get you in a lot of trouble.” rafe turned you over, the lack of movement making you groan in frustration . “i see the way you look at me, rafe. you’re punishing yourself too by not moving.” he hated that you were right. it was taking everything in him not to fuck you with your ass in the air.
you kept moving your hips, suddenly stopping when you felt his hand snake under your tummy, his fingers rubbing your clit. he stayed still as you clenched around him, the wet sound of your slick making your cheeks redden. “please move.” you cried into his pillow. rafe looked down, regretting it almost immediately when he saw how desperate you looked back at him. “are you gonna learn something from this?” his restraint was dwindling down with every nod of your head. “yes! i promise i’ll be good from now on, ‘just want to be fucked rafe.” he cursed, holding onto you from the curve of your waist as he started thrusting into you.
the pressure in your stomach was building fast and it was becoming harder to stay quiet with each stroke of his cock against your sweet spot. with your hips meeting his, and the pretty little sounds coming from your mouth, rafe’s head rolled back as he struggled to keep his eyes open. rafe’s digits moved faster over your clit, his hand pushing your head into the sheets as you came with a cry of his name. he watched you tremble and shake, his thrusts turning sloppy as he pulled out, painting your cunt with his seed. “shit,” he groaned, still gripping his base as he continued to tease your entrance. “why didn’t you finish inside me?” you pouted. “we’ll save that for next time.”
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osachiyo · 27 days
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❛ WHAT'CHA READIN'? ❜
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𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 — dazai, chuuya, fyodor, nikolai x fem!reader
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 & 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 — n/sfw content, teasing, edging, getting caught while reading erotica/smut, full nelson, oral (m recieving), cock warming, kolya's is the longest bc yea, squirting, kind of 4th wall breaking in kolya's etc • here it isss !! i didn't expect so many people to want this but im glad i got to write it. anyway, happy reading and i hope you enjoy !! not proofread
ps. reblog to show your favorite writers support, they're greatly appreciated ! <3
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𝟎.𝟎𝟎𝟏 — 𝐃𝐀𝐙𝐀𝐈
his hands flew to her neck, squeezing not too hard — but firm enough for her to get dizzy with pleasure. "lily, you're simply ethereal like this," the man on top of her groaned, hips still pounding away, his pelvis slapping against her thighs with each thrust. she moaned, nails raking down the crown prince's back, all while —
"..her pretty cunt squeezed around him at the heartfelt praise,"
you felt someone whisper from behind your shoulder, making you quickly slam your book closed and whip your head towards that direction — only to see your boyfriend, dazai, standing there with a cheshire-like grin on his pretty face.
"i didn't know you were into historical books, babe!" he said with a teasing tilt in his voice, making your right eye twitch. "r-right... ahem — anyway, you really shouldn't sneak up on people like that, osamu," you scowled, clutching said book close to your chest.
"yeah? and you really shouldn't read dirty books at work like this, sweetheart," he tilted your head up to face him, "what if it was kunikida-kun instead of me, hmm?" his voice was playful, and if you knew him, you knew that he was hinting at something — if it's wasn't obvious already by the prominent bulge in his slacks.
"well, aren't you eager?" dazai huffed out a laugh at the way you grinded on his thigh, trying to reach your precious book that was in his hands now. "her back arched like a cat's as the prince pounded away at her — not having an ounce of mercy for the poor maiden," dazai read in a mocking tone — all while flexing his thigh under your cunt, which you were humping for dear life. "please," you pawed at his chest, hips twitching with the need for release.
"please what, baby?" he grinned mischievously, free hand snaking down to land a playful smack on your breasts, before squeezing them. "please let me cum," you whined once more, batting your wet lashes at him in hopes of getting at least a tiny bit of mercy.
"well.." dazai hummed, placing the book to the side, before sitting you fully on his lap and unzipping his slacks — "since you want it so bad, work for it."
𝟎.𝟎𝟎𝟐 — 𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐔𝐘𝐀
you and chuuya were in his office, with him working and you on your phone.
chuuya noticed how unusually quiet you got — and how.. strange you were acting as you scrolled further down on your cellphone.
his eyebrows furrowed as he saw your pupils dilate, your breathing getting uneven and you clenching your thighs.... oh.
a smirk found it's way on his handsome face as realization hit him — you dirty, dirty girl.
"what'cha readin' there, babe?" chuuya raised an eyebrow at the way you flinched when he suddenly spoke up. "um.. just some romance story, you won't like it, chuu," you tried to keep a straight face as your boyfriend got up from his seat, and stalked closer to you.
"oh yeah?" chuuya inquired further, "let me see."
"NO!— i mean — you really won't like it, babe," you smiled nervously and clutched the little device closer to you, which only made chuuya's grin spread further. "riiighhtt."
a gasp tore from your lips when your phone was snatched away from you by the ginger man — he was way too fast and strong for you to fight back, so you just sat there — blinking dumbly as he read the contents of your little "romance story."
"really? a mafia boss x reader? heh," chuuya snickered, voice holding a teasing tilt to it, "ya got a thing for boss, or somethin'?"
"NO! oh god, chuuya — give it back!" you finally recovered from your state of stupor, lunging at chuuya — who caught you in his arms with ease. "easy there, sweetheart. now, how about i give you the real fucking thing instead of this stupid... fanfiction, yeah? bend over f'me, doll."
loud clapping could be heard from outside of chuuya's office — it was so embarrassing if anyone walked by, especially akutagawa, but chuuya didn't seem to care one bit.
your tight little pencil skirt was bunched up, panties pulled hastily to the side as chuuya's narrow hips slammed against your ass, gloved hands gripping your hips so hard that you feared it would leave marks. "you like that, baby? like it when i grind into you like this?"
chuuya slowed his thrusts only to grind his hips in circles — making you see stars as you desperately clawed at the mahogany desk.
a sudden knock on the door sent your mind spiraling from pure pleasure to uneasiness. surely he wouldn't —
"come in, akutagawa."
𝟎.𝟎𝟎𝟑 — 𝐅𝐘𝐎𝐃𝐎𝐑
"don't flip the page, darling, i'm not done yet,"
you flinched at hearing fyodor's smooth, rich voice from behind you — startling you enough to drop the book from your hands, which conveniently landed on your lap. you looked behind to see your husband, who had a smirk on his handsome, pale face — "f-fedya!" you smiled nervously, "you were.. behind me this entire time?"
"why of course, my dear. i was wondering what type of book my beloved wife is into, and i.. certainly didn't expect this."
fyodor's tone was condescending, derogatory even — making your face heat up in embarrassment and shame. "now now," he tilted your chin up to look him in the eye, "there's no need to be ashamed, darling. though i can't deny that i'm a little upset from you going behind my back to read something so sinful," fyodor clicked his tongue, shaking his head gently before narrowing his amethyst eyes at you, "i believe you need to.. make up for this little... mistake of yours. won't you be a good girl and do as i say?"
you gulped before nodding hesitantly, sweat dampening your palms at the sheer nervousness you were feeling.
"good. on your knees."
fyodor held your head down on his cock, the small tuff of black hair tickling your nose —he didn't give you a chance to catch your breath. the feeling of the tight walls of your throat, along with the pretty view of you looking up at him with those teary eyes almost had him going feral. he wanted nothing more than to just pull your head back and face fuck you — but no, he had you cock warming him with your cute little mouth instead. all while he read his own book.
now, you might want to think twice before reading something so filthy behind his back again — unless you wished for an even worse punishment, that is.
𝟎.𝟎𝟎𝟒 𝐍𝐈𝐊𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐈
"dove, can i ask you a little question?"
nikolai wrapped his huge arms around your waist, pulling you back against his chest and resting his head on your shoulder, waiting for an answer with a grin.
"what is it, kolya?" you tried to turn to face him, but nikolai's grip only got tighter — his lips brushing against the shell of your ear, "who the fuck is 'toji fushiguro' and why were you reading smut about him?"
nikolai felt you stiffen in his arms — a shiver running down your spine at his warm breath hitting your skin, along with the embarrassing fact that your boyfriend had seen what you read on your phone. fuck.
"hmm? no denying?" he teased, freakishly large hands skimming over your torso, then settling all the way up to your breasts. "he's just a.. fictional character, love," you winced at how fucking embarrassing that sounded — which only resulted in nikolai letting out a snicker.
"really? you wound me, sweet pea — am i not good enough for you, that you have to settle for reading smut about fictional men?" he dramatically put a hand over his chest, but you both knew that was not true. "i'll just prove myself to you then, mm?" nikolai grinned, planting a kiss on your clothed shoulder.
you groaned, "n-no! baby, it's just —" "full nelson, huh?" nikolai cut you off — his expression dark as a borderline scary grin settled on his lips. "that was the position right? you could've just told me you wanted to try it! come on, little dove — i'll show you full nelson."
that's how you ended up with your legs against your chest, nikolai's huge arms hooked under your knees to keep you secured against his chest — all while his thick cock plowed into your cunt.
your mouth dropped into an 'o' shape, drool dribbling down your chin to your tits — the mounds bouncing up and down erotically as you were drilled into from below.
"god, just look at you,"nikolai groaned — his arms flexing beneath you as he bit the juncture of your shoulder, the soft skin littered in bruises and bite marks. his heavy balls were clapping against your ass with each rough thrust — your pussy felt like it was splitting in half from the sheer girth of his dick.
"oh yeah, baby — cum f'me, a-agh — cum on this cock," nikolai's voice was slurred, thick and heavy with lust as he encouraged you to soak his length in your juices.
and soak him you did — spraying your arousal all over the floor, his cock and balls were dripping with it — as you went limp in his arms. but he didn't stop, no — he didn't stop until he was cumming deep in your womb, the creamy substance leaking from your cunt from just how much there was.
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rafeandonlyrafe · 14 days
Text
moonlit beach
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words: 1.6k
warnings: 18+ only!, smut, face sitting, p in v sex, unprotected sex, fluff, vacation, proposal, bratty!reader for the first bit lol
you walk over to the boys, already in a bad mood from having to redo your makeup as it kept looking patchy.
you step between the couches, interrupting their conversation as you stop in front of rafe. you place your hand out, looking down at your boyfriend.
“card.” it's not a request, not a question.
“what's wrong baby?” rafe coos, causing kelce to snicker at his pout.
“give me your credit card. im going to buy myself a birthday gift on your dime since you didn't get me anything.” you say, lowering your hand more to get your point across.
“baby, i told you it just got delayed. it will be here friday, i promise.” rafe takes your hand in his, pressing a kiss to your palm. he used to care about showing affection in front of his friends, but not anymore, his focus always solely on you whenever you're in view.
“yeah right.” you roll your eyes. “you forgot. come on, card.”
rafe reaches into his wallet with a sigh. he truly does have plans for your birthday, it just landed on an awkward day of the week for celebrations.
he places the credit card into your hand, watching you turn on your heel without another word.
“dude, just tell her you're taking her to the maldives.” kelce says, topper nodding in agreement.
“that would ruin the point of the surprise.” rafe rolls his eyes. “what, do you also want me to tell her that i bought a diamond ring and that im going to propose to her there?”
“well, guess you'll just have to deal with her being mad at you.” topper shrugs.
“it's alright, i think it's kinda hot.” rafe adjusts his pants not so subtly.
“ew, dude!” topper looks away suddenly while kelce makes a gagging motion.
--
“wake up, princess.” rafe presses kisses along the bridge of your nose until your eyes flutter open. you look happy for a split second before remembering rafe didn't get you anything for your birthday, a frown spreading across your features.
“baby.” rafe coos out, pressing a kiss to your still lips. he's planning to tell you later today so you have time to pack before the flight tomorrow evening, but rafe can't help himself, wanting to get inside of you while you're still pissed at him.
“fuck off, cameron.” you roll over, intending to get more sleep when you feel rafe push himself against you, his morning wood evident in his pants.
“come on baby, i told you ive got a really good gift for tomorrow. don't be mad.” rafe presses kisses to your shoulder, tugging the strap of your pajama shirt down to give him access to more skin.
you hate your traitorous pussy as it floods with wetness. you flip over suddenly, pushing rafe onto his back.
“you're gonna eat me out then im gonna ride you. i don't wanna hear you complain.” you say sternly. it has been a couple days since you slept with rafe on your birthday morning, happy and glowing as he gently thrusted inside of you, muttering how beautiful you are and how much he loves you.
“take those shorts off.” rafe just smirks, watching as you quickly disrobe before crawling on top of rafe. you usually would kiss him, but you bypass his lips to place your cunt down on his face, knees on either side of his head.
rafe grabs your hips, not even giving you a moment to adjust before he pulls you down onto his awaiting mouth.
you let out a moan and reach forward to grip the headboard as rafes tongue snakes through your folds before lapping at your clit.
you press yourself further down onto his face, a mess of juice and spit covering his chin and nose, but rafe couldn't care less, loving the way you take effortless control as your hips rock back and forth.
rafe pushes his tongue into your cunt, feeling the way your walls clench around him. you let out a moan as his nose bumps against your clit as he begins to thrust his tongue in and out. 
as much as you'd like to cum all over his face, you want rafes cock inside of you.
you turn suddenly, crawling down his body with your ass to his face as you pull his pajama pants down to reveal his cock, standing straight up and ready for you.
you position yourself over top, not caring when rafe whines out.
“turn around baby, i wanna see your face.”
you roll your eyes despite him not being able to see, sinking yourself down on his length with a moan.
your hips begin to buck, only focusing on your orgasm as you rub your pussy with the hand not on rafes thigh for support.
you blame having gone without an orgasm for a few days for how quickly you can feel your high building, but clearly rafe isn't far behind as his hips begin to thrust up into you.
his hands reach out to grip your ass as it bounces in front of him, the plush flesh too tempting not to touch.
you let out a growl, pushing yourself to move faster up and down on his cock until your high suddenly breeches and you fall forward into the mattress between his legs with a moan.
rafe moves quickly to his knees, pushing his cock deep inside of you as he cums as well, flooding your pussy.
“im gonna take a shower.” you say, kneeling back up as you look back at rafe. usually you love to allow him to keep his cock buried inside of you after you both cum, but not when you're mad at him.
“alright.” rafe says, sighing when you move away and his cock slips free as you climb off the bed, legs clearly tired from fucking. “just don't take too long, you have to pack.”
your footsteps stop. “pack for what?”
“im taking you to the maldives tomorrow. happy birthday.” the words barely leave rafes mouth before you're turning and jumping back onto the bed, kissing him between mumbles of thank you and how much you love him.
--
“i can't believe i was such a bitch to you and you had this planned the whole time.” you pout, burying your head further into rafes bare chest, rubbing your face against him as a cat trying to mark their scent would.
“baby, it's okay.” rafe coos out, not brave enough to say that he liked it. he likes you like this even more, glowing and happy.
“i love you.” you coo out, looking out onto the ocean, keeping your ear against his chest to hear his heartbeat, your favorite sound in the world.
“i love you too baby.” rafe runs his hand over your back, up until it meets the string of your bikini, then back down until his hands hits your bottoms, then occasionally over that to squeeze your ass. “i know i took you out for a birthday dinner back in the outer banks, but would you allow me to take you out again tonight?”
you pout, nodding quickly. “of course.” you pick your head up to press a kiss to rafes lips.
--
“how did you like the food?” rafe asks. there's really no point in questioning it, your moans every time you took a bite and asking for seconds told him everything.
“so good… can we go back there again tomorrow?” you squeeze rafes hand that's entangled with your own as you walk down the moonlit beach.
“anything you want. this trip is for you.” rafe says, hoping you can't tell that his palm is sweaty as you get closer to the spot he chose, just having to round a bushel of trees to see the lights.
he didn't expect to feel nervous, but with every step his worry builds. what if you say no? rafe knows it's ridiculous, but the small nagging voice in the back of his head is growing louder every minute.
“oh my gosh!” you squeal out as you see the string lights set up on the beach, over wooden slats placed on top of the sand for an even surface. “it's so cute!”
rafe smiles gently, glad he chose a cool color for the twinkling lights to match the moonlight. you change your path to walk around it, but rafe pulls you closer.
“rafe-” you begin to say that you probably shouldn't go onto random peoples set ups on the beach, but he just looks at you with a comforting gaze that would make you go along with anything, trusting him implicitly.
it doesn't hit you until you're under the lights. the realization suddenly sinks in as you look at rafe. he nods gently, like he knows the thoughts running through your mind.
rafe sinks to one knee, confirming your suspicion. he reaches into his pocket and delivers a beautiful speech before showing you the gleaming ring, a speech you are both bound to forget in your excitement and nerves.
“will you marry me?”
“yes!” you don't even wait for rafe to stand up, launching yourself to the ground with him as your arms fly around his shoulders. you managed to hold in tears until this point as you cry into his shoulder.
rafe holds you close, allowing you to feel every emotion in his steady arms.
“come on baby, let's make sure the ring fits.” rafe helps you stand easily before he pulls the ring out of the box, managing to snap it closed when you flung yourself on him so it didn't get lost in the sand.
you hold your hand out, a fresh batch of tears coming as rafe slides the ring onto your finger, hoping the photographers hidden in the treeline got good shots.
“oh my god, we are gonna get married!” you squeal out as it hits you all over again.
“you're gonna be my wife.” rafe smiles as he pulls you in for a kiss.
“im gonna get to call you husband.” tears flood in your eyes as you kiss him again, again, and again.
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m-ayo-o · 3 months
Text
 ✦ ˚ pink skirt . no underwear ★⋆. ࿐࿔
𐙚 afab reader x shy alt bf Choso Kamo
* ✦ .  nsfw cw: fingering  ˚ .   * ✦ ˚ .   
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Choso is starting to think you're doing it on purpose.
He's losing his mind.
If he sees you bend over like that one more time, he swears he's gonna have to--
"Fuck-"
He mutters and looks away.
His fantasies of pushing the skimpy material up to feel your creamy pussy in his hand riddles his mind until he goes pink in the cheeks. He has to play with the ring hooked through his bottom lip to distract himself. But he knows that you'll find out what he's thinking eventually. You always do.
He sighs and feels his boner strapped tight in his jeans that's rubbing with every movement of his body. If he so much as breathes he can feel the heavy pulse of his cock. It's beating hard for you and he can't stop it.
"Baby, you okay?"
He tries to adjust himself under your gaze and he props himself up, attempting to hide the massive bulge.
"Mm," he nods stiffly, but you can see he's suffering.
Your eyes drift over his body in those black jeans, his black tank, admiring the tattoos adorned on his rippling muscles. His silvery studded necklace gets your attention, then his lip and ear piercings and the faded, violet shadows around his deep eyes.
He stares back at you; your tits nearly spilling from your tiny white vest, the pleated pastel mini skirt that just hides your ass, and the way you look at him with such wide eyed adoration.
Fuck, how did a guy like him end up with someone like you.
"Come here, please."
Choso has got a bit better about telling you when he needs you.
"Here, yeah," he nods and watches you mount his lap. Your skirt fans over his thighs and he can't stop imagining your pussy underneath.
"What is it, baby?" You coo and twist his spiky locks in your fingers, that are flicking down over his neck.
You never thought someone who looked like him could be so... clueless.
He seemed quite inexperienced when you met him, yet he insisted he'd had a few sexual partners before. It's not as if he's innocent. Oh no, far from it. You know, with the way he stares at you, there are all sorts of perverted thoughts in his head. He's just a little shy.
"I, uh..." the way he stumbles over his words makes your heart race. He's so endearing.
You lower yourself onto him, sitting on his lap and feeling the bulge of his cock through his hard jeans.
"Baby, tell me," your delicate fingers trace the ink up his neck to where it stops at his jaw, "tell me what you need."
"W-want-" he stutters and sighs.
You smile sweetly, encouraging him.
"I- I want to touch you."
"Oh, baby, good boy," you place a chaste kiss on his cheekbone.
"Where, hm?" You press, stroking his swollen chest.
"I..." he finds the courage to snake a hand up the curve of your back. The rings on his fingers feel cool where he settles around your neck, stroking you softly.
He pulls you close and gives you a nervous look before quietly admitting-
"I want to finger you."
You smile and giggle, knowing that this big, scary looking man could barely tell you that.
You give his lips a peck, then take his breath away when your tongue slides over his. He's so stunned he almost forgets to kiss you back, until he regains an inch of composure and starts licking and sucking at you.
"You're so sweet, Choso~" you smile over his lips before pulling away and dragging his hand down south. Your tiny hand encircles his inked wrist, barely fitting around the muscle of his forearm, and his fingers start twitching when you guide him under your skirt.
"Mm- warm-" he groans and slides his fingers over your bare pussy, parting you slowly, rubbing up and down. Despite his shy nature, he has got very good at touching you.
His hand parts your legs wider and his eyes dip up and down your clothed body. You look so pretty like this. His dark eyes focus on your face and you feel his fingertips edge into your entrance. Your expression starts to contort and your mouth hangs open. His breathing gets a bit shaky now, his eyes trained on your parted lips.
He sinks inside. Two fingers; ringed, thick and deep.
You shudder and his free hand caresses your back, steadying you on his lap as he presses his palm all the way to your pelvis.
"B-big-"
There's a pleased spark in his dull eyes and he bites his lip, feeling your silky, wet walls around him. He spreads his digits, opening you gently with your mouth gaping wider in tandem.
"Oh-"
You let out a little noise that encourages him to dip and curl his fingers. He finds his favourite spot inside you that makes his angelic girlfriend look like some kind of pornstar.
He massages you there with his fingertips, barely moving, feeling you grinding down on his knuckles.
"M-more-"
"Baby- I, I-"
"More, please-"
You should know better.
"I can't take it when you beg for me like that."
He holds your thigh gently and drags his fingers out, pulling them from under your skirt and oggling the slick juice all over his hand. Just from a few gentle movements you get like this. For him.
You watch lust completely take over and he sinks his fingers into his mouth, sucking every last drop of you off and leaving his digits coated in saliva.
He brings them back under your skirt and plunges inside you, hard rings nudging your entrance with every rough pump.
And he watches you scream.
Every time he slams his fingers into you his palm slaps your clit and you get sweet, jolting pleasure through your abdomen. You feel tense and hot and his thumb suddenly slips over your bundle of nerves, circling you quickly and making you cum hard and fast.
"Ch-cho - Choso-"
You pant for breath but his fingers are unrelenting.
"Again."
His voice sounds rough, deep and full of confidence.
It makes you quiver and shake and he grabs you more firmly, seeing your eyes go wide with shock when he picks you up.
He plants you on the fluffy carpet and kneels between your legs, pushing up your skirt to reveal his wet dream.
His fantasy.
"I love you"
You don't know if he's talking to you or your pussy but you really don't care.
He stares at all the gushing, clear liquid that's leaked all over your folds, over your thighs, dripping from one hole down to the other.
He sinks down and has a smile on his face, shoving his fingers back inside and toying with your clit with his spare hand.
He loves playing with you like this, adoring the look on your face every time you cum. He wants you to do it again and again, making you call his name, spilling more of your essence, all for him. He licks it off his fingers and hand like some thirsty beast and doesn't show any signs of slowing down.
But you knew what you agreed to. When Choso asks to touch you it usually is for a very long time.
He has to take you over the edge numerous times, obsessing over the feeling of you cumming and the way your face looks. And when your orgasms start to fade and you're just a wet, leaking mess with a hole spread wide from his greedy fingers, you have to take a few deep breaths and tell him to calm down.
He gets the message and slowly draws his fingers out one final time, tugging your hole with his thumbs and seeing you gape open. He bows his head down, sinking into your stomach where he presses soft kisses.
You play with his hair gently and he coos into your soft skin, telling you how much he loves you and needs you till you feel his hot tears running over your tummy.
You comfort him and tell him he did so well, until he dries his eyes and gives you a smile, bringing you up for a hug.
"W-won't get so carried away- next time- promise."
You hope he does. In fact, you're counting on it.
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choso | m.list
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inkskinned · 2 months
Text
we were drunk off mezcal and my dog had his paws crossed like he was fancy and we were giggling about it and i told you that with the sun coming back i can feel my fingers again and you grabbed my wrist and jokingly shook my limp hands while saying i have you i got you and i wanted to tell you i love you in that moment but it's actually just that it's spring and love actually seems like something that i can afford once in a while so long as i'm not overwhelmed by the crushing weight of having to do my laundry
i don't get so sad on sundays anymore and part of that is you but also part of it is that i've been watching a bird melodrama in the tree outside my window - first the robins had the run of it, then the doves. most recently a family of sparrows came through. the sky was pink today like a kiss, and i felt the pastel wrap in a warm piebald snake around my chest and hum herself into my bones
thank god for every person that forgives me for the depressive spirals i go on every winter without-fail like i swear there are absolutes in this world and it's stuff like. stoats go white in winter. the sun comes over the east. when it gets cold all parts of my soul go numb and the light can't pass through my iris without a tattoo gun. how many times can i tell a friend i'm sorry i wasn't talking to you, i truly wasn't talking to anyone
thank god i can feel my skin right now and you hold my weak little hand in your hand and then you flip it over so you can read my palm and you're smiling while you run fingertips over lines and read out my fate like it says here you like a good grillcheese sandwich and admit it you make salads by buying the pre-made spring mix and i have all your astrology shit memorized and i read your horoscope first when i'm checking my own even-though-i-don't-believe-in-it (but just in case) and i want to kiss you just to watch the blush spread in a tulip from under your freckles in that way it does, how you pull back and wrinkle your nose in laughter
thank god but today for the first time in a month i finally texted my friends back and actually made plans to hang out (how's that! barring disaster!) and i let my dog put his big muddy paws on my nice sweater and yeah actually when it's bad i always think i can't do that again. i can't crawl back up that mountain
but the sun touched me on the face this morning and we had a nice long talk about it and i said i gotta go the long way again huh and she nodded and shook back her solarflare hair and looked over to her moon girlfriend and she said you can do it. better things on the horizon.
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