#in my thoughts you still exist as a part of my life
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⇢ ˗ˏˋ joost klein x tinder date!reader ࿐ྂ
ੈ✩‧₊˚ OCEAN EYES : mention of sex (but no smut) fluff ; use of alcohol ; imagine ; all is fictional ; english is not my first language
(part two)
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_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ CREATING AN ACCOUNT on tinder wasn’t on your to do list, but after another failed attempt on meet your future ‘husband’ in real life, you decided to seek luck at this app. after choosing your best pictures, you set your profile with hope that you wouldn’t have to text with all of those weirdos that probably were on this site, asking themselves why i don’t have girlfriend?
you honestly couldn’t understand people (mostly the whole alfa men) on this kind of platforms, where they acted like they’re better than everyone else, but in reality they wouldn’t even say ‘hi’ to you. also what’s the point of having a dating app, if you can’t even properly ask the other person to date. you personally hated texting, it was the worst way to communicate, because you weren’t able to show your emotions clearly and it was easier to misunderstand the intentions.
you tried to ignore all suspicious looking people, but you lose hope, when even people your type were weird or impolite towards you. you were close to just delete app and forget about everything that happened. but then you received some kind of ‘super like’ from very good looking blonde man, the first thing that caught your attention was his bright blue eyes. how ironic, you thought. blonde hair and blue eyes, if he were a girl, he definitely would be miss universe. but god knew that he would be too powerful if he was a woman.
before you even checked his profile, you saw that he already messaged you. he already had big plus, because it was usually you who needed to start a conversation.
‘you & me, beer in an hour?’ okay, he definitely was really straightforward but you couldn’t tell that you didn’t liked it.
‘okay’
it was an irresponsible decision, but you couldn’t care less right now. you were truly tried of the endless conversations about nothing, you needed some adrenaline in your life. and even if it turn out that he’s a murderer, you will have an interesting story to tell your future kids — of course if you will survive in that scenario.
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it was almost twenty minutes after the set time, but you still waited like a fool, because you were curious if you were just scammed at this point. when your second cigarette started to slowly gutter out, you checked your phone to see if he tried to inform you about his lateness, but as you thought — nothing. you were honestly irritated that you couldn’t met a proper guy, not even for a relationship but just good sex, apparently you just missed to have someone close, in physical and mental way.
fuck it. you said to yourself and deleted this stupid dating app, right after you did that, you heard someone’s calling your name. before you turned around, you throw out a cigarette.
“i get it that i’m late, but you don’t have to ignore me” you saw the blonde guy in front of you, with two bottles of wine in his hands and two beer cans in his jeans pockets.
“so your real miss universe, nice to meet you” you said with a bit of irony in your voice, and he just laughed, giving you bootle of alcohol.
“or maybe i’m just in your imagination, guess we will never know” he said with smile, and you realised that he loved to laugh a lot, but honestly that was exactly what you needed now. some positive energy. “but now let’s go, shall we?”
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at first it was supposed to be quick meeting to get each other better and then probably forget about the existence of each other. but to your surprise it turned out that you were sitting in some sketchy looking place with joost for almost four hours already, and the fun only began.
you couldn’t believe that your perfect type of person was right in front of you and he was interested in you, which was the most unbelievable part. he was the first person that could make you laugh only by saying something random, or maybe it was because you were under the influence of weed, that you just smoked. either way his ability to turn every little thing into a joke was hilarious and you simply loved it.
suddenly you both became silent, but it wasn’t uncomfortable for you, which was also something new. all you could hear was the sound of wind and some other birds but you decided to interrupt the silence.
“you want to come to my place?” you said without thinking twice, well. . . let’s be honest your brain wasn’t working at all at the moment.
“to do what?” he looked at you with his typical smirk, sipping his beer.
“obviously to play monopoly” you said sarcastically, but underneath you had a little smile. “i want you to fuck me” you added and he seemed to be taken aback with your directness, as he watched you getting up.
“so you’re coming or i will need to please myself on my own?” you said, walking slowly in the direction of your house.
“you don’t need to tell me twice” he quickly said and you just chuckled as you felt his hands on your waist.
that was a great match, for sure.
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⇢ ˗ˏˋ thank you for attention! hope you liked it!
#joost klein x you#joost klein imagine#joost klein x reader#i love joost#stand with joost#joost x reader#eurovision imagines#imagine#x reader
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How To Reach Your Destined Role? ~ Advice & Guidance on your journey through life.
Hi everyone, I'm finally back with another Pick a card! This time I am doing the PAC that the majority voted for and it is all about who are you destined to be? How can you get to that level? Or perhaps you already are there? Pick an image which draws you in and that shall be your pile!
This PAC took a lot longer to get around to than I would have hoped, but I had to put myself first as I'm sure you will understand between battling mental health struggles and then physical ailments, which have still not cleared up but hopefully I will get there soon! Still, I feel brighter and more energized mentally so I thought it was about time to get back on the horse, so to speak anyway without further rambling shall we get into the piles...
[ Image credit goes to ilikefairies ]
Pile One ~
[ Cards drawn: The Magician, The lovers, three of swords & the sun.]
[ Top Of Deck - Nine of cups. ]
Who are you meant to be: You are meant to be a free-spirited soul so do not worry about rushing into choices of who or what you are meant to be. Before I had even pulled any cards I heard the message in my head that you have lots of opportunities in this life and you can choose to be many different versions of yourself, many people get stuck into the mindset that there is only one version of themselves that can exist in this world but that is untrue, it is up to you who you want to be, exist in a way that brings you happiness. Now based on the image you chose and the messages the cards are sharing with me, I feel you are someone who is meant to bring more love, light and hope into this world by merely existing you do this but if you wish to be more proactive then read the next part and hopefully the messages will resonate for you.
How to get there: You need to become more aware of your power in this world, and how your actions and emotions can influence your days. How your thought patterns can affect your choices and beliefs. They either will push you onwards towards happiness and success or hold you back in stagnation and fear but when you work on finding your footing, grounding more in the present moment and working on having more confidence in yourself. seeing yourself as worthy and lovable on the bad days as well as the good then you come closer to the higher power that connects you with your soul. With the three of swords present you have gone through much despair and heartbreak, it has toughened you to this world which can indeed be cruel and though those experiences however sorrowful they were gave you much more perspective and wisdom on human nature and your own inner world they were not meant as punishment or as a way to put out your light. With the sun following this card I can tell that it is your loving energy and the fact you feel so deeply that can power you on to create brighter days not just for yourself but for others too, do not fear sharing your experiences or using them in your creations or hobbies to add inspiration to others life. All in all, I can see you living a good life, not without its challenges but a life like that is unlikely and perhaps boring! The final advice I hear is to keep working on yourself, masterpieces cannot be rushed and you should focus on what intrigues and brings you happiness in the moment, don't worry about having it all figured out too soon. Best of luck, my dear pile one!
Pile Two ~
[Cards drawn: Page of cups, Knight of cups, the Star & eight of swords]
[Top of the Deck: Ten of Cups]
Who are you meant to be: Okay, woah Pile two your energy is so happy and bright I love it thank you for letting me bask in it for a while!! If no one ever tells you that you are wonderful and lovable then let me please be the one to tell you now: You are wonderful and lovable in so many ways, thank you for existing!! Anyway on with your reading. So we have a lot of water energy going on here so right off the bat I can tell you are meant to be someone who values and uplifts your own as well as others' emotions. I keep hearing therapist in my mind and though I never intended this reading to be about careers perhaps that is a job you feel drawn to or perhaps you already seem to act like everyone's personal therapist in your day-to-day life. (I know that can get tiring so do put your own wants, needs and boundaries first if you feel that others are putting too much upon you.) I am now also hearing teacher and parent so yeah it may be in your destiny to help shape and mould the next generation into as bright and uplifting a soul as you are yourself. Now in a more general sense, I can see you are meant to be someone who always strives first to open others' eyes to truths in the world that others may want to turn a blind eye to, sometimes this may make you feel alienated and insecure of yourself but keep striving on and never back down for those who wish to put your down like to see you trapped in your insecurity and doubt it allows them to get away with all the malice they put into the world but you are far bolder and brighter than them and your presence, voice and actions help to bring forward a more hopeful future.
How to get there: Honestly Pile two I feel you are already on your way to getting there without much guidance from anyone else but I will say keep listening and feeling your emotions, honouring them as truth for it is how your intuition seems to let itself be heard. Keep working on your communication skills for I feel they are a skill you will be using quite a lot in the future or perhaps you already do. Finally don't be afraid of having a bad day, you are allowed to feel negative about things and it's totally okay to lean on others as much as they lean on you. Don't get so caught up in overthinking and doubts, or even worries about how to help others sometimes we have to let others make it through their own lessons in life, it is like the baby turtles who hatch on the beach and must make it to the sea on their own power and will, not all of them will make it but we can't intervene less we can cause more harm than good. That's all I'm getting for you pile two. I wish you the best and again I just love your energy so keep being you because it brings so much happiness to the world.
Pile Three ~
[ Cards drawn: The magician, The high priestess, seven of pentacles, four of cups ]
[ Top of the deck: The Tower ]
Who are you meant to be: You are meant to be someone who changes, themselves and the world. You are like a phoenix who rises from the ashes and is rebirthed as a newer, better you after every fall. I am also getting the visual of a chameleon who changes to fit their environment. This at times may have left to feeling confused or a sense of imposter syndrome but do not fear it is a skill and talent all in itself and it is not a wrong thing to be doing. It allows others to feel more comfortable around you so then in turn you can aid them in bettering themselves. Now to focus more on you, who this reading is meant to be helping I can see you are meant to a more spiritually in tune individual who listens and honours their mystical power, of which you have a lot. I feel many of you have been shamed or forced into behaving "sensibly" when you try to show this part of yourself as many cannot understand it and feel it doesn't help with the real world. Please stop listening to them, you would not have this connection to your higher self and the divine if it was not meant to benefit you and the world in some way. So feel free to behave as "woo-hoo" as you wish, the ones who value and respect you will stick around and those who behave in ways that try to condition and control you will eventually leave and you will be all the better for it!
How to get there: Work on listening to your intuition more, remember that intuition is a message that carries calm energy while anxiety will make you feel frantic and in the need to rush. You do not need to rush. As the seven pentacles show you need to cultivate patience and wait for the seed to grow. Trust that all that you are doing, even if at times it is having to sit and do nothing is helping to nurture and give your dreams and goals the best chance of success. I also feel you need to take more time to give yourself mental rest, let your mind grow still and quiet, focus on one thing at a time and seek more time for meditation. This in turn may help you feel more grounded and grateful for all you already have and all you have already achieved. Finally do not fear the tower falling, in the midst of the chaos it may feel like the end but you will begin to see it is simply the clearing of the unneeded and stagnated to allow for the creation of the brighter and better. From it you will always become wiser, stronger and yes even kinder.
I wish the best to all of you in pile three, I know the days may seem long and hard but try to focus on the simple gratitudes and you will begin to see the sun beam from behind the clouds. Until next time, Love Fae.
#divination#cartomancy#tarot#tarotblr#channeling#♡ messages channelled from the divine ♡#pick a card#pac#free tarot reading#tarot readers#tarot cards#tarotcommunity#tarot witch#pick a reading#pick a card reading#pick a card tarot#how to reach your destined role pac#destiny tarot
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I REMEMBER IT ALL TOO WELL PT.2
Fernando Alonso x ex!reader
Part 1
Series Masterlist
a/n: i’ve never really written a series before so i’m not sure how this is but this is kind of a filler chapter! Let me know what you think and what you want to happen in different chapters!🍓
The days following their encounter at the Monaco Grand Prix were a whirlwind for Fernando. He couldn't stop thinking about Georgia and AJ. The realisation that he might have two children he never knew existed consumed his thoughts. Determined to follow through on his promise, he reached out to Y/N to arrange meeting them once more.
Y/N agreed, albeit reluctantly, and Fernando invited them for lunch at a quiet café in the outskirts of Monaco before they went home to England. She wanted a place where they could talk without the prying eyes of the media or fans.
Fernando arrived early, nervously glancing at his watch as he waited. He had rehearsed what he wanted to say a hundred times, but now that the moment was almost here, his mind was a jumble of emotions.
When Y/N arrived with Georgia and AJ, he stood up, his heart pounding. The twins greeted him politely, their expressions a mix of curiosity and wariness. Y/N gave him a reassuring smile, though he could see the tension in her eyes.
"Hi, Fernando," she said softly, guiding the twins to sit down. "Thanks for inviting us."
"Of course," he replied, his voice steady despite his nerves. "Thank you coming. I thought it would be nice to catch up again after all these years." He said, wanting it to sound like he and Y/N were just old friends.
They ordered their food, and small talk filled the initial moments, mostly AJ excitedly recounting his favorite parts of the race and Georgia teasing him about his enthusiasm. Fernando listened intently, savoring every detail, every laugh, every smile. These were moments he had missed, moments he wanted to make up for.
As the conversation naturally lulled, Fernando took a deep breath. "So, AJ, Georgia, tell me more about yourselves. What do you like to do?"
AJ grinned. "I play rugby, mostly. It's my passion. Mum says I have too much energy, so I need to channel it somehow so she put me into a rugby club at a young age."
Georgia rolled her eyes, her expression playfully sarcastic. "Yeah, AJ's like a human tornado. I, on the other hand, prefer non sporty things. I love reading, i've always prefered to just watch sport instead of being involved."
Fernando smiled, the warmth in his chest growing.
Y/N watched the interaction carefully, ready to intervene if necessary. But as the conversation flowed, she saw the genuine interest and affection in Fernando's eyes, and her heart softened a little.
"I can't believe mum has known you all these years and not told us," AJ said, looking at Fernando with admiration. "I've watched you race since I was young, you must love it to be doing it for so long"
"Yeah," Fernando replied, smiling, his spanish accent coming through heavy. "I've been racing for a long time. It's not just a job for me; it's a passion, just like rugby is for you."
The lunch continued, and Fernando felt a growing connection with the twins. They were bright, talented, and full of life. He found himself laughing at their stories and feeling a sense of pride he hadn't expected. It was like a piece of his heart he never knew was missing had suddenly been found.
Fernando walked alongside Y/N, a comfortable silence between them as they walked out the cafe, the twin in front, bickering amongst themselves. Finally, he spoke. "Thank you for this, Y/N. It means more to me than I can express."
"I know," she replied softly. "I still have my reservations, Fernando. But I can see you care about them. Just… be patient. They need time to adjust to all of this before even they know anything about their father. I know they're old enough to make their own decision, but I still want to keep them safe."
"I will," he promised, glancing at the twins ahead of them. "I just want to be a part of their lives, in whatever way I can."
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Over the next few weeks, Fernando made an effort to spend more time with Georgia and AJ. He wanted to support AJ's rugby passion without drawing too much attention to himself. So, he reached out to a few of his fellow drivers to join him at one of AJ's matches. He figured their presence might help deflect some of the focus from him and make the event more enjoyable for AJ.
On the day of the match, Fernando arrived with a few familiar faces: Lewis Hamilton, Charles Leclerc, and Lando Norris. The drivers were curious and excited, and Fernando briefed them on the situation beforehand.
As they approached the field, the drivers couldn't help but be amazed by AJ's physique. At 6'0" with a muscular build, AJ stood out on the field, showcasing his strength and agility.
"Wow," Lewis said, eyes wide. "Are you sure that's your kid, Fernando? He's a beast!"
Fernando chuckled nervously. "He might be, but let's keep that between us for now. The kids don't know who I really am to them. They think I'm just a family friend."
Charles nodded, glancing at AJ with admiration. "I can't believe how strong he is. Look at him go!"
AJ's performance on the field was impressive, and the drivers, Y/N and Georgia cheered him on from the sidelines. Fernando felt a surge of pride every time AJ made a play, and he couldn't help but compare the boy's determination and competitive spirit to his own.
After the match, Fernando joined Y/N and Georgia to congratulate AJ. The other drivers followed, eager to meet the young athlete.
"You were amazing out there," Fernando said, clapping AJ on the back.
AJ beamed. "Thanks! It was a tough game."
"Anytime, mate" Fernando replied, smiling warmly.
Lewis, Charles, and Lando introduced themselves to AJ and Georgia, who were both starstruck. Georgia's sarcastic wit quickly came into play as she interacted with the drivers.
"So, Fernando, you brought the whole crew?" Georgia teased, her eyes twinkling. "Trying to make a good impression or something?"
Fernando laughed. "Just wanted to show AJ some support. Plus, these guys wanted to see what all the fuss was about."
AJ grinned, looking at the drivers with awe. "I can't believe you all came to my match. This is insane!"
As the drivers chatted with the twins, they couldn't help but notice the resemblance between Fernando and the kids. Georgia's sharp features and AJ's intense gaze mirrored Fernando's own.
"There's definitely a family resemblance," Lando whispered to Lewis, who nodded in agreement.
Fernando overheard and quickly addressed them. "Remember, they think I'm just a family friend. Let's keep it that way for now."
The drivers nodded, respecting Fernando's wishes. As the evening went on, they continued to bond with AJ and Georgia, sharing stories and laughing together. Fernando felt a sense of contentment he hadn't felt in years. He was building connections with his children, even if they didn't know the full truth yet.
After the rugby match, Y/N suggested they all grab a bite to eat at a nearby restaurant. The drivers agreed, eager to continue the fun. The group settled into a cozy booth, ordering a variety of dishes to share.
"So, AJ," Lewis began, "what got you into rugby?"
AJ's eyes lit up. "I've always loved sports, and rugby just clicked for me. It's physical, strategic, and you get to work as a team. Plus, it's a great way to burn off energy."
Charles laughed. "I can see that. You were all over the field today. It's impressive."
Georgia chimed in, her tone playful. "Yeah, AJ needs rugby to tire him out. Otherwise, he'd be bouncing off the walls at home. He's like a dog on zoomies, that's why mum sent him to a rugby club as a kid."
The table erupted in laughter, and AJ rolled his eyes, though he couldn't hide his grin. "Very funny, Georgia."
"So, Georgia," Lando asked, "what about you? Any interests or hobbies?"
Georgia shrugged. "I'm a bit of a bookworm. I love reading, and I'm really into school. I know it sounds boring, but I enjoy it."
"That's not boring at all," Fernando said, his voice warm. "Being smart and loving to learn is amazing."
Georgia smiled, a hint of a blush on her cheeks. "Thanks, 'Nando."
As the evening progressed, the group grew more comfortable with each other. Fernando felt a growing sense of pride as he watched Georgia and AJ interact with the drivers. The twins were confident, intelligent, and had a natural charm that drew people in.
At one point, Y/N excused herself to take a phone call, leaving Fernando alone with the twins and the drivers. He took the opportunity to learn more about them.
"So, do you two have any plans for the summer?" Fernando asked.
"Yeah, we're going on a family trip," AJ replied. "Mum's taking us to Italy. We've never been, so we're really excited."
"That sounds wonderful," Fernando said, smiling. "Italy is beautiful. You'll love it."
Georgia leaned in, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "Maybe we'll bump into you at a race, Fernando. You seem to be everywhere."
Fernando chuckled. "You never know. The world of racing is pretty small."
As Y/N returned to the table, she noticed the camaraderie that had developed between Fernando, the twins, and the drivers. Her heart ached with a mixture of happiness and uncertainty. She wanted to protect her children, but she could see how much they enjoyed Fernando's company.
After dinner, the group said their goodbyes, and the drivers promised to keep in touch. As Fernando walked Y/N and the twins to their car, he felt a sense of longing.
"Thank you for tonight," Y/N said softly. "It meant a lot to AJ and Georgia."
"Thank you for letting me be a part of it," Fernando replied. "
I hope we can do this again."
Y/N nodded. "We'll see. Just take it one step at a time."
As they drove away, Fernando stood in the parking lot, watching the taillights fade into the distance. He knew the road ahead would be challenging, but he was determined to build a relationship with Georgia and AJ. He wanted to be there for them, to make up for the lost time.
The next few weeks were a blur of activities and meetings. Fernando continued to spend time with the twins, attending more of AJ's rugby matches and even joining Georgia for a book club meeting. He was careful to respect Y/N's boundaries, always checking in with her before making plans.
---
One evening, after a particularly exciting rugby match, Fernando invited Y/N and the twins over to his place for dinner. He wanted to cook for them, to show them a different side of himself.
As they arrived, Fernando greeted them at the door with a warm smile. "Welcome. I'm glad you could make it."
"Thanks for having us," Y/N replied, stepping inside. "It smells amazing in here."
Fernando led them to the dining room, where a beautifully set table awaited. "I hope you like Italian food. I made some of my favorites. I thought I would make it to get you ready for your holiday."
Georgia and AJ's eyes lit up as they saw the spread. "This looks incredible!" AJ exclaimed.
As they sat down to eat, Fernando felt a sense of contentment. The evening was filled with laughter and stories, the twins growing more comfortable with each passing moment. Fernando cherished every second, knowing these were the memories he had longed for.
Y/N excused herself, going to the bathroom and whilst the conversation still flowed, the twins took the opportunity to ask Fernando the question they had wanted to most.
"Fernando," Georgia started, her eyes serious, "why have you been spending so much time with us lately? One minute we were coming to our first F1 race and the next mum all of a sudden knows you and you're with us a lot, coming to our weekly rugby matches and doing things with us not even our other family would want to do."
Fernando felt a pang of anxiety but kept his composure. "I just enjoy spending time with you all. It's been a long time since I saw your mama, she has always been very special to me, so it's been nice to catch up."
AJ exchanged a glance with Georgia before adding, "We thought maybe you were dating Mum. She hasn't dated anyone since we were born."
Georgia nodded, her expression thoughtful. "Yeah, she always says she never really got over our dad."
Fernando's heart tightened. He wanted to tell them the truth, but he knew it wasn't the right time, nor would he do it without Y/N's permission. Instead, he decided to gently probe. "Your dad isn't around, I presmue? Do you know about him?"
AJ's face clouded with sadness. "Not much. Mum doesn't talk about him a lot. She always says she still loves him, but he didn't love her back."
"She never says anything bad about him," Georgia added, her voice soft. "But it's like there's this big empty space where he's supposed to be."
Fernando's chest ached with regret. He longed to tell them everything, but he didn't want to disrupt their lives more than necessary. "I'm sure he had his reasons, whatever they were. Would you ever want to meet him if you had the chance?"
The twins shrugged, though their expressions remained somber. Fernando wished he could alleviate their pain, but he knew he needed to take things slowly. "Maybe, I guess it would depend on circumstance. I think it would just be strange, after so long." Fernando just nodded at Georgia's answer.
As Y/N returned, she sensed the somber mood. "Everything okay here?" she asked, her eyes scanning the trio.
Fernando forced a smile. "Just talking."
Y/N seemed to understand. "Why don't we all go for a walk? Fresh air might do us good."
As they finished their meal, Y/N suggested a walk along the beach nearby. The twins eagerly agreed, and soon they were strolling along the shoreline, the sea breeze ruffling their hair.
As the sun began to set, casting a golden glow over the water, Georgia and AJ ran ahead, laughing and teasing each other. Fernando watched them, a sense of contentment settling over him. For the first time in years, he felt hopeful about the future.
taglist (as requested): @mxdi0 @kravitzwhore
Part 3
#formula one imagine#f1 imagine#formula 1#formula one x reader#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#fernando alonso#fernando alonso x reader#fernando alonso fic#kid fic
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Someone described Katsuki’s thoughts on their future as this “catch and chase” esc game and I can’t stop thinking about catch-a-Kacchan now. The symbolism of that now is so telling with Katsuki’s new admission. Oh my god.
Like of course izuku could never catch Kacchan: that was the game. The hope that their rivalry and therefore their new found relationship could stay this way forever. He would never lose Izuku because they were always trying to catch each other—chase, grab, hold, let go, and chase again.
IT EVEN PUTS A NEW PERSPECTIVE ON KATSUKI’S PHRASING OF CALLING OFA A “CURSED POWER”
Honestly it almost feels like the end to this statement, one he never quite articulated to himself, and especially not to the world. Ofa gives power, ofa gives hope, and ofa ties itself to the people it interacts with. Ofa breathes the life into the game of their lives, catch and release.
Ofa may be a cursed power, but I just thought we’d be competing, and I’d be on your heels, for the rest of our lives…
Because ofa is the beacon that, on a very literal level, allows catch-a-Kacchan to exist. What do I do if I don’t have an excuse to be with you? What if I don’t deserve it?
AND THE NUMBER ONE RULE OF HOW KATSUKI ALWAYS WON CATCH-A-KACCHAN WAS THAT HE HAD TO TAP IZUKU ON THE BACK… HE HAD TO MANEUVER HIMSELF BEHIND IZUKU TO WIN…. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME
And it’s such a small detail of symbolism, and idec if it’s purposeful, it’s just the fact that it exists at all that I love it so god damn much.
As Izuku tries to comfort him in the only way he really knows how (“well I still have the embers! It was a nice dream while it lasted! Please don’t cry you’re just overly sensitive right now, I’m sure you won’t feel this way later..”), and as Katsuki believes that the only way he’s allowed into Izuku’s life is this small glimpse into their rivalry—and, in spite of it all, allmight reminds them that they have changed.
The world, it has changed. The winds still blow high across the country, and we are reminded that the most important part of despair is the connection we have with each other. They are not just heroes, they are the greatest heroes—together.
The world will never be the same—and isn’t that the most beautiful part of it all? That we have changed, together?
#bkdk#midoriya izuku#mha deku#bakudeku#bkdk brainrot#bnha deku#bakugou katsuki#mha analysis#y’all know it’s bad when I REALLY pull out the mix between freak out fandom words and the poetic ass way of saying it
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I saw a post by someone who was distressed because they couldn't manifest from the void due to going "blank" once entering it. I think this is due to the way the void is understood here on Tumblr, so I'm going to address this below.
In a book called The Vision, the author's Apache shaman mentor "Grandfather" teaches him to enter the void, which they also referred to as "the veil", and here is what he said about it:
"To modern man what I was attempting to do would be called meditation, but it was far greater than what he considered meditation...it was the absence of of all thought, of consciousness of time, place, gravity or body. It was an absolute nothingness, an equilibrium, and a limitless void. The veil was the absence of self, totally, an absolute purity of existence and non-existence.
It was in this void, this veil, that Grandfather said all things of the spirit would be found. It was there that we would have total understanding and transcend the physical planes of man's existence. It was there that the primal self could be found; it was the abiding place of the life force, the spirit-that-moves-in-all-things, and all the spirits that inhabit our worlds. It was also where we could find all knowledge, create realities, and touch the Creator."
In addition to all of this, the author said that being in the veil can make one invisible, and that the ancient scouts used to use it to protect themselves.
All of the author's descriptions of entering the void/veil involve having no thoughts whatsoever while he's there. Here are some excerpts where he talks about it:
"I lost consciousness of my body and my place...I found myself floating in a void, an absolute darkness, having no awareness of time or place, or even an existence outside that world. Though it was only for a moment, it felt like an eternity that I was there, where time had stood still."
This next part is especially important because it specifically addresses the author's frustration at his mind going blank when entering the void. The author and his friend were trying to send their conciousnesses to a time in the past and were advised to use the veil because "it knows no time." They did their meditation as usual but were not able to hold their intentions once they entered the Void.
"We tried desperately to carry the date with us to the veil, but every time we passed through, the date would disappear with all other thought. Feeling a little angry with my failure, I went to ask Grandfather why it hadn't worked.
'First' he said, 'There must be absolute faith, and second, you must not try to carry the time or place back with you. You cannot pass into the veil carrying any baggage. Instead, tell it where and when you would like to go and let the all- knowing veil do the rest."
The author prayed, presumably stating his intention, went into a "period of absolute thoughtlessness to meditate and rest," and then found himself in the time and place he intended. It worked.
So you see, there's quite a difference between "void" as it's understood in the book, versus by people here on Tumblr. In both cases it has the same possibilities, but the difference is that people here seem to believe you're floating around and still thinking about things while in the void, while the author, his mentor, and his mentor's teachers and ancestors believed that it's a place of no-thought; that it's actually impossible to think within it, and that your intentions need to be stated to it before entering it. According to them, whatever most people here are calling the "void" would not be the real deal at all, but more of a deep and relaxed state of meditation; nothing more. If your mind is going blank, you're likely actually entering the void.
As far as feeling that you must use the void to manifest anything... this sentiment is why I disapprove so much of the void-state obsession in manifestation/shifting communities. You do not need the void state to do any of that. There are SO many ways to manifest, and the void is just one of them; but personally I never even use it for that, and manifest successfully all the time just through 30-second visualizations. Manifestation should be fun and easy, and we should use the techniques that come naturally to us.
If anyone has trouble entering the void, or they try the alternative method I mentioned above and are still finding frustration, please set aside all thoughts of the void and get back to basic manifestation techniques. They work, and most of them are a breeze to perform. We as humans tend to complicate things for ourselves, almost as if we feel something isn't valuable if it isn't difficult; but the sooner you choose what works for you, the sooner you'll see your manifestations come to pass. And that's the whole point, isnt it? 💖
#void state#void method#void motivation#loa#loa affirmations#loa tumblr#loa advice#neville goddard#desired reality#manifesting#shiftblr#law of manifestation#reality shifting#shifting community#law of assumption#law of attraction
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Some disjointed thoughts on the Void Sea and the subconcious
I really just wanted to write something quickly on this, it’s not so much a theory as it is just a small analysis on the general mood of the ending, with a little contextualizing with in game dialogue.
So the subconscious is such a mysterious yet integral part to understanding the more spiritual/alien parts of Rain World. This isn’t a world in which the eldritch and unknowable lurk in the far reaches of space, but rather appear through our own minds and subconscious.
Echos appear in dream like sequences, where all other life except scavengers (in vanilla) fall asleep.
Karma flowers allow us to contact imagined worlds, other selves, dreams, and memories.
Eating a neuron of an iterator allows us to perceive voidspawn.
Our karma is raised through the mark of communication, which is linked to the brain in some way judging by Five Pebbles’s slideshow.
And, beyond that, plenty of cerebral/brainy imagery and concepts are present.
“Cabinet beasts” (the organ-like worms found in Memory Crypts) are likely some sort or mutated brain tissue, I talk about it more in this post.
Void worms also have a neural texture that covers their skin.
There’s the cut brain tree, which made it back in the game (though pretty unceremoniously) in Downpour.
And then of course there’s iterators, massive brains that are the last long-standing remnant of the benefactors’ civilization, and serve as the main driving forces of the game’s side plot.
I bring all this up just to show how cerebral and subconscious elements are pretty prevalent throughout the game, and it provides some context to my thoughts on the Void Sea.
That being said, I think the Void Sea acts as a collective unconscious, a place where the many worlds and selves of the subconscious coalesce into one, dream-like existence.
Echos appear in dream-like sequences, but are still experienced by nearby scavs. They even have different personalities and reactions to it, some being curious, while others are afraid.
Continuing on this, benefactors experienced the same dreams we do in Subterranean, shown through white pearl dialogue.
“Oh, interesting. This is a diary entry of a pre-Iterator era laborer during the construction of the subterranean transit system south of here. In it they describe restless nights filled with disturbing dreams, where millions glowing stars move menacingly in the distance”
These go towards the idea of the Void Sea and other void related phenomena existing as a sort of collective unconsciousness, experienced through hazy dreams and hallucinogenic plants by many.
But then there’s the “egg” sequence, where you swim in unison with others just like yourself. I think these are the “selves of other planes” mentioned by Moon in the Karma Flower dialogue, and I think that same dialogue is indicative on what the nature of the Void is. It’s detaching yourself from your carnal body and coming in contact with your own subconscious, and possibly the subconscious of others. Think of it like a big mind soup.
Anyway this really resonated with me because I distinctly remember the feeling I had the first time I went through Depths. As the caves around me started melting, it felt like I was descending deeper and deeper into a dream I couldn’t wake up from. That packed with the genuine horror of seeing the worms, and the dreamy ending, it really left a lasting impression.
Halfway through writing this, I realized it’s a bit longer than I was initially expecting, but I hope I managed to convey the general vibe I got.
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i am sorry it is monday i am going to be mean 🖤 supercorp
Thanks for the ask! I won't even make a big deal about you and @sssammich poking me for the same heart-wrenching prompt, but I will be using 'artistic licensing' and the skill of 'splitting hairs' to get this one across the line.
for context, this is part of an AU i've written random bits for, so you're about to be thrown right into it.
- - - - -
“Hey Kara?” Lena asked from the bar cart.
“Yes?”
“What would it be?” she continued, walking to the couch. “If you were human. What's the thing you'd want to experience?”
“Food.”
The answer comes so automatically that it almost draws Lena into a laugh. Instead she leans back into her couch, swirls the lowball of peaty scotch, and closes her eyes, imagining for the hundredth time a face that didn’t exist.
“Anything specific?”
A moment passed. The voice hummed in thought; another diversion from Lena’s code.
“Does a buffet count?”
“Some might call that cheating,” Lena smiled. “Lex would call it a loophole.”
“What do you call it?”
Lena opened her eyes; glanced at the ceiling as though Kara’s voice was coming from the stars. Instead it was just the usual speaker floating overhead.
“I think it fails to grapple with the spirit of the question.”
The room, white and bright and sterile, felt like a still-life painting with the white noise that followed. Lena wondered if she’d scared the AI off when-
“Potstickers.”
“Potstickers?” Lena parroted, unable to contain a laugh. She set her glass down to analyze the AI’s activity on her tablet.
It made some sense: every cuisine had its own form of food-wrapped dish from dumplings to pierogies to empanadas to arancini, and it was only natural for the AI to find a common link and answer based on that, but when Lena scanned the code for evidence the AI was responding to that thread, none existed.
“What calculation brought you to that?” she asked. She continued to scowl at the cloud of connections that weren’t remotely linked.
“Because they’re pillowy morsels of goodness with a contrasting soft texture and a crunchy bottom side. The plume of steam when bitten into is just perfection,” Kara said, fading into what Lena heard as a sigh. It only made her brow furrow deeper.
She’d ask Sam tomorrow. In the mean time:
“Can we order some?”
“Pardon?”
“Potstickers.”
“I… it’s late. Maybe another time.”
“Of course, Ms. Luthor. My apologies,” Kara replied.
“It’s Lena, Kara.”
“My operating system-”
“Won’t allow it, I know,” Lena huffed.
“Precisely.”
Only a second passed before: “It is getting late, and your sleeping patterns have shown symptoms of insomnia. Might I suggest saving the rest of your 25 year Caol Ila for another time?”
The shift from casual to formal was instantaneous. Lena swallowed, reminded of the algorithm; of the hardwiring and artificiality of the entire experiment.
The reminder carried Lena to bed as Kara went through her evening protocol: locks, lights, and temperature adjustments. Silence followed their routine; a contrast to their last few nights. It shouldn’t have bothered Lena as much as it did. When she’d finally settled in and Kara flicked off the sidelight, Lena had fallen into a familiar state of loneliness. She determined it was irrational and rolled on her side.
“Goodnight, Kara,” she called as she always did. She waited, listening for the familiar return that never came. With a pang that felt far too similar to heartache, she closed her eyes. A beat of more silence then-
“Can I change my answer?”
It burst through the apartment and nearly sent Lena catapulting from her bed. “What?”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to - oh gosh, and it’s late and I’m not supposed to-”
“No, no, that's ok,” Lena replied hastily. She pretended her heart wasn’t racing and stomach wasn’t in her throat - all things Kara was surely logging. “Just scared me a bit.”
“I can tell, Ms. Luthor.”
“Right.” She couldn’t hide it if she tried, so Lena simply rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling;
“What would you change it to?”
“Touch.”
“Touch,” Lena parroted again, softer this time, letting the idea sink in. “Anything specific?” she asked, feeling a sense of deja vu hang over her. She half expected Kara’s answer to repeat, but instead-
“Warmth. Something living.”
“Like a dog?” Lena offered, her voice raspy and mouth far too dry.
“While that would definitely rank in the top five, I’d much rather feel the warmth of a human. A companion, as they call it.”
“I see,” Lena breathed out. “You would want to experience a partner; a boyfriend perhaps-”
“Or girlfriend,” Kara replied simply, and Lena gripped tighter at the duvet she wasn’t aware of strangling. “As something that can’t, touch feels like the most intimate of functions. A hug, a handhold, a kiss.”
“A kiss?”
“Yes, Ms. Luthor.”
“I see,” Lena replied, because anything more might have broken her chest open.
“Good night, Ms. Luthor.”
“Good night, Kara.”
Lena knew better than to crave a thing that couldn’t be. She knew better than to feel an attachment for a machine. She knew better than to dwell in the fantasy of a real Kara Z walking the streets of National City, of living a life where potstickers and hugs were her happiest experiences, or of being someone who could ever want intimacy with someone like Lena.
She knew better, yes, but that didn’t stop her from imagining as a lone tear fell in the privacy of darkness.
- - - -
ask game
#the 'her' AU#ask game#sideguitars#qs with quinn#thanks for the ask!#did i split hairs? maybe. was there a kiss? ...definitely*.#*in Lena's mind
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i think with me, sometimes the reasons why some people hate a character are why i love them in the first place. i love character arcs and just characters with heavy flaws in general, including characters who genuinely do heinous things while still trying to do their best and having good* intentions. i just find that so compelling and realistic. i think vinny and shaun are both in that category for me, but it certainly doesn't only apply to them; i just think their personalities and plotlines were the most interesting for me.
i liked the plot twist with vinny. loved it, actually. made me like vinny as a character way more than i did when i thought he was just some.... well, everyman. it made me see everymanhybrid so much differently than before, it recontexualized huge moments that happened before that i initially didn't even care about, because we only just learned that those were actually huge character moments and we just didn't know it yet. it added a whole new, flawed layer to the series that i adore. vinny seemed to be such an average, good-guy character who sometimes did stupid shit. then you find out that much of it wasn't accidental at all, but instead a desperate attempt to save himself and whoever else he was capable of saving, at the cost of others, and his own dignity. the lengths he went were extreme and unjustifiable to many, but that's what i liked. it showed that vinny is a human, for better and for worse. what lengths would you go to in order to survive?
i like that shaun can be a huge dick sometimes- she can be intentionally blind to the bigger situation, in denial to protect herself from something terrifying even though it hurt her family, and you can see her struggle with that. doing something like that hurts and feels terrible, but is still something she chose because she was afraid. she sided with a close friend over her family because of the comfort of familiarity, of what "makes sense." it's coping with something that is fundamentally terrifying to come to terms with. it's fucked up in the viewers eyes, but to someone in that situation you can understand why it happened. you can hate it, but still see yourself in it. then you also see moments of kindness, including between the two siblings, and you get a more full picture of her as a whole. she's chalk full of conflicting messages and i adore that. she cut off michael in one of the last few videos, but then refused to give up his location even when facing death. she gets angry, she fucks up, but she's still unwilling to doom those she seemed to hate even when it could've saved her life, even when being lied to about all that happened. getting the mix of her flaws and virtues (along with the same for the other characters) was probably my favorite part of this series.
anyways, you see multiple facets of their characters, some loveable and some hateable, but even when they do horrible things, it only makes me find them more interesting. it's not quite like a villain in how they're "evil" or have bad intentions despite sometimes being complex themselves (HABIT, for example), because they're regular people, but you watch them fuck up over and over again while still understanding where they're coming from, and recognizing that many would fall into the same trap, because nobody is without their vices, their selfishness, and their blind-spots. so many people, including ones who think they'd be better in that situation, wouldn't be if put to the test. they'd fuck up, they'd do awful things either to save themselves or for their perception of the greater good, and i love that. i like to see how people can break down and degrade in such horrible situations, while their humanity and ultimate "goodness" still exists at the same time, creating a conflict between how they're still a good person at heart but willing to do bad things if they feel it's justified. it gives a glimpse into your average person's breaking point and general morality, which is rarely strictly good or justifiable, nor purely evil or irredeemable.
also, it opens the doors for me to write compelling redemption arcs, which i've also always loved. i love seeing bad people get better, and good people get worse. like i said before, what would you be willing to do to keep yourself alive?
#og#mlandersen0#mla0#slenderverse#everymanhybrid#emh#vinny everyman#shaun andersen#long post#sorry this is so long i've been sitting on this for a while
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Next Stop: Celebration Station!
Fluff
Noritoshi Kamo x gn!reader
It’s Noritoshi’s birthday so you decided to treat him with a surprise celebration :)
It was finally June 5. The day you’ve been looking forward to for months.
Noritoshi’s birthday!
You hopped out of bed, eager to put your plan in motion. Decorating his room and throwing a party would be the easy part. The most difficult part was making sure he didn’t catch on to what you were doing because you knew he would protest your efforts.
“I’ve never celebrated my birthday,” Noritoshi had confessed to you sometime last year when the topic arose. “I was taught that my existence was a burden. Why would anyone in my clan celebrate that?”
When your boyfriend confided in you, you felt your heart shatter into a million pieces. That day, you swore to yourself that his next birthday was going to be one he’d never forget and you immediately started figuring out everything you wanted to do to make his day as special as he was.
You were shocked that your classmates were willing to not only help distract Noritoshi long enough for you to decorate the common room, but actively participate in the birthday festivities. You thought they’d laugh at you or at the very least politely decline, but everyone was on board. Even Mai, which you never saw coming, but you figured she had a niceness buried deep, deep, deep down inside her. Their willingness to come to your aid was currently coming in handy as Momo was tasked with keeping Noritoshi in the library for as long as possible, pretending to need tutoring and study advice. If that failed, Miwa was going to ask for a detailed lesson in the history of archery. If that failed, then Todo would restrain him until you were ready. Thankfully, your first plan with Momo was going smoothly according to the thumbs up text she sent you. Kokichi was helping you, via Mechamaru, put up streamers high in the room so you didn’t have to teeter on chairs and potentially fall over. Meanwhile, you were busy baking the cake. Noritoshi loved coffee so what better than a chocolate mocha flavored birthday cake? It wasn’t traditional by any means but you figured he’d dealt with enough tradition throughout his life that this would be a welcome change. When the batter was done, you sneaked a little taste to make sure it was yummy—so did Mai, as her finger was coated in the raw dessert from dipping it straight in the mixing bowl.
“Ew, Mai! You got your germs in it,” you cried.
“When Kamo blows the candles out, his germs are gonna get all over it anyway,” she said, licking her finger.
“Yeah, but I kiss him so that doesn’t matter,” you mumbled under your breath. Unfortunately, Mai heard you.
A wicked grin spread on her face. “I can kiss you if it makes you feel better about this whole thing.”
She started running toward you and you quickly put up the spatula as your defense weapon.
“Stay away from me, you weirdo!” you yelled out, half laughing. Mai started cackling as well, grabbing one more swipe of batter and opting to leave you be as you still had lots more work to do and she didn’t want to put you behind schedule in fear of being told to pick up the slack. With the cake in the oven, you went to work on the snacks next. When those were finished, you pulled the baked cake out of the oven to cool before frosting. You checked on Kokichi, who was all done with the decorating. His last task was to just meet back here with the rest of your classmates in an hour or so when you expected Noritoshi to arrive. You neatly displayed the party plates and flatware on top of the birthday tablecloth adorned dining table and placed the snack platters where they could be accessible to everyone. When the cake was able to be frosted, you worked diligently as time was running out before the man of the hour would show up. With 5 minutes to spare, you were finished. You smiled to yourself, satisfied with all the hard work you and your friends put into this and hoped Noritoshi would appreciate your efforts. You heard a knock at the door and you peeked out the window, relieved to see your classmates. You quickly ushered them in, telling them to be as quiet as possible for when Momo and Noritoshi showed up.
“Not a problem!” said Todo, his voice booming throughout the common room. Mai rolled her eyes and Miwa visibly cringed, Mechamaru placing a gentle hand on her shoulder in an effort to calm her down. It felt like an eternity passed before you heard Momo outside the door.
“…want some lunch? I think there’s some leftovers in the fridge in here.”
You heard the calm voice of Noritoshi speak up and your heart was pounding in your chest from both nerves and excitement.
“Oh. Sure, that sounds like a good idea.”
“After you,” replied Momo, and you were grateful that she was quick thinking to let him in first to not ruin the surprise.
The door handle jiggled.
The door opened.
Darkness greeted them upon entering.
“I’ll get the light,” said Momo, reaching over.
Click.
“Surprise!”
You and your classmates shouted, catching Noritoshi completely off guard. He had no idea where to look first, his mind not comprehending what was going on as the decorations were throwing him for a loop. His brows were knitted in confusion before a look of realization dawned on his face. You walked over to him and handed him a pin with a ribbon that read “It’s Your Birthday!”, little balloons and confetti adorning the trinket.
“This is for you. All of this. Happy birthday.”
He stood there in silence, an unreadable expression on his face as he studied the pin in his hands like it was a test he didn’t prepare for. All of a sudden, he looked up, his eyes taking the chance to meet everyone’s before landing on yours.
“I… I don’t know what to say. I’m just… surprised.”
“It is a surprise party after all,” joked Momo, nudging him in the shoulder. That made him loosen up a bit, his mouth showing the beginnings of a grin. You decided to step in to take some pressure off Noritoshi since you knew he needed time to process everything.
“Well, I was able gather a bunch of games and made snacks so you all can dig in and have fun!”
Your friends didn’t hesitate, embracing this chance to finally let their guards down for a moment and have a good time. You caught Noritoshi’s gaze and tilted your head to the side, a silent invitation to step outside and talk by yourselves for a second.
“I take it this was all your idea?” he mused when you were alone.
“It was,” you said. “You deserve a day where your existence is celebrated. I hope you’re not mad.”
“Mad?” He took a step toward you, resting his hands on your shoulders. “Y/n, I am anything but mad. How could I be upset at a partner who cares so much for me?”
You let out a sigh you didn’t know you were holding, laughing a little. “Good. I don’t know what I would do if I made you uncomfortable. I would feel absolutely awful.”
“Oh no, I am definitely uncomfortable,” he said, stopping you with a raised hand before you could apologize profusely, “but only because I truly don’t think I deserve all this.”
“Oh, my darling,” you started, conviction lacing every word that left your throat, “the Kamo clan received the most brilliant, kind hearted, strong boy on the day you were born, Noritoshi, don’t ever let them make you forget that. You are so special, even beyond your cursed energy or blood manipulation. You’re clever, I love how you always have a solution to any problem I run into. You’re a great listener and your words bring me so much comfort when I crave them. I know I say this all the time but you have such a good heart. You cherish the people you care about and always put them first. You don’t hesitate to help people in need.”
You gently placed your hands over the top of his own. “I’m glad you were born, Noritoshi Kamo. You’re the light of my life and every day I thank the universe for bringing us together.”
A few tears escaped the sides of Noritoshi’s eyes and he looked embarrassed at his display of emotion. Moving fast, you brushed them away with a delicate swipe of your thumb.
“It’s okay, I cry on my birthday a lot too. It’s a very common occurrence for people,” you said, earning a confused look from the black haired man in front of you.
“Really? People cry on their birthdays and still celebrate year after year?” he asked, still sniffing a bit.
“Yeah. I don’t know why, but it happens. So I assure you, you’re being very normal.” You gave him a teasing grin. “For once.”
He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Way to ruin the heartfelt moment.”
“I can’t have you crying into the cake! It’ll make it soggy. Now, come on, we can’t leave our guests waiting!”
You dragged him back into the common area, your friends relieved that Noritoshi was okay and now smiling. Todo brought over the cake and set it in front of your boyfriend while Momo lit up the candles. When you began to sing “Happy Birthday,” you noticed Noritoshi’s eyes water a bit again but he quickly blinked them away, leaving only joy in his irises.
“Make a wish!” you all exclaimed, catching him off guard.
“This is truly all I could ever want,” he earnestly said.
“That’s so cheesy. Be selfish for once and make a real wish,” chided Mai, only good intentions behind her barbed words. He nodded, looking over every one of you before taking in a big breath and blowing out the candles. Your classmates cheered and you started cutting up the dessert, excited to see if your efforts paid off—they absolutely did. The cake was perfectly moist, the frosting not too sweet. Noritoshi was certainly enjoying it, a subtle smile never leaving his face as he took small bites, savoring the taste. As you took in the scene in front of you, your classmates clearly enjoying their time together, you felt Noritoshi lean in toward you as you ate another bite of cake.
“Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, just… Thank you.”
“You’re absolutely welcome, my birthday boy,” you said, making his cheeks dust with pink at the nickname. He may not have had any good memories of his birthdays in the past, but you hoped from this day forward you could continue making this day one he’d happily remember.
(He kept that birthday ribbon in a box of keepsakes and it made its yearly appearance from then on!)
#noritoshi x reader fluff#noritoshi kamo x reader fluff#noritoshi kamo x reader#noritoshi x y/n#noritoshi x reader#noritoshi kamo#jjk x y/n#jjk fanfic#jjk x you#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#jujutsu kaisen x reader fluff#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen
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jam do you think we're getting BIG 2 (Basically I'm Gender)?
hi teo this is a: really good question. here's the thing. i can have an answer for you but first i have to explain that it's not a prediction up to my usual standards and why?
because. my usual standards are very high. in 2017/18 it was easy? there was no break in data for us to pattern recognize them based off of. and i took them for their word on things + was able to refine my thoughts in conversations with @freckliephil to the point it was somewhat uncanny what we were right about.
we fully called that dan and phil would come out in separate videos with something longer & more serious from dan + shorter and less intense from phil a year to a year and a half before they came out. we'd discussed that the bullying dan experienced included a physical aspect and that that was the reason having his neck touched by people was triggering before ii toured. the list of detailed things we were right about goes on for a stupid length of time.
and it's just not possible to predict what they're doing next in the same way in this era! in 2018/19 they had been in the public eye for their entire adult lives and we have an excess of information from those 10 years! but now it's been five years—a third of their relationship—without that kind of data.
they didn't vanish completely but dan spent that time as out of the public eye as possible, phil has always been better with keeping his walls up, and we had absolute minimal joint content.
they were able to change massively AND AUTHENTICALLY when free from public scrutiny. especially dan! and we just don't have the fucking data to use for accurate pattern recognition in making predictions anymore.
there's still aspects of who dan and phil are as people that haven't changed and never will, and we have the era of complete data on them to compare the present to. so like. it's not fully impossible to predict things. there's definitely areas in which it's possible to make accurate predictions. but in no world will i claim my thoughts on dan addressing gender is one of them!
that said. even if i cannot confidently predict the details of what's coming with dan gender, it's as clear to me that dan has gender going on as it is that he is gay. that's a fact to me because i am in the practice of taking dan for her word.
when it comes to predictions here's where i'm at. i'm completely confident gender mentions will continue to escalate. i also think that at some point dan's going to comment directly on their gender. but i go back and forth on whether a dan gender video essay will ever exist? and so do @freckliephil and @phulge when we discuss this.
i think dan always puts a lot of thought into things, enough so to make a video essay on gender viable for him. if she waits like a year i could see that being what happens?
but on the other hand. i do not think that gender exploration is as charged and significant in dan's life as their gayness. he experienced so much trauma around how people percieved his sexuality from childhood onwards!
gender is difficult to navigate in a cisnormative society and almost always impossible to separate from sexuality but i don't think it's something that she would be inclined to make into as big of a moment & conversation as basically i'm gay.
it could be something as simple as pronouns in bio i suppose? but if so i think it would be commented on at the start of the next gaming channel video too. the biggest thing i can picture is phil starting to quite clearly use different pronouns for dan in different gaming channel videos in a way that's just. very normal about it. a "this is an everyday occurence" way. + this being consistant with the way dan genders themself too.
i do see this happening sooner than a year from now, but i don't know for sure when? pride is a convenient time for it. i think there's a 100% chance they're doing something insane this month, in part because they fucking LOVE dramatic timing and big gestures.
i don't think dan gender will be the main focus of what happens this month, but i'm open to being pleasantly surprised.
i think they're hard launching this year, this month or in october. i think wedding photos being shared is one of the more likely hard launch options. and i think if they're wedding launching that dan would say something about gender beforehand or in conjunction with it?
if in conjunction, it could be as simple as the title spouse being used for dan in an instagram caption? but the reason i think it's possible as something that happens beforehand is because marriage is such a major (and gendered) experience that it makes sense to want to be known and seen accurately as your whole self when it happens in your life.
again. the only thing i'm completely certain on here is that dan has some kind of gender going on and that it feels LIKELY that it'll be addressed some time in the next year. the rest is just probabilities. thank you for coming to my ted talk.
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Summer of Bad Batch 2024
Week 1
Alt Prompt: “It’s not what you think”
A/N: This is a snip it of a later chapter in my fic that is currently in the works. I purposely jumped forward in time to write this and will come back to it later when I get to that part of the story. I thought it fit kinda nicely although the actual prompt doesn't fit until near the end of this segment. Still I hope you enjoy it
Tags: Slight Angst, Truama
Tech was sitting on the edge of a cliff over looking the bustling village of Pabu below, the night sky a deep radiant blue as the full moon shone its light down onto the people below. It was so bright you may have mistaken it for daytime. The light from the houses set a contrasting orange glow from the bright white light from the moon brought a homely feeling to the environment around him. He was so used to the sterile walls of Kamino and the stark, blank, white lighting the filled the building. It was tranquil and not like the empty barracks or the still empty calm from roaming the halls in the dead of night. No this was a calm that was full of life. Full of sweet calm and air fresher than any he had ever breathed before. This felt like living. Not like surviving and fighting for life day in and day out. This was truly living, reveling in the moments as they came and being able to fully enjoy what was right in front of him. He was a solider, had been all his life. Face paced, desperate, determined, with one goal in mind. Serve and Protect. But now he could question his existence, enjoy it without anything being constantly expected of him. Tech was free at last.
At least he was mostly free, there was one sad reminder of these years past that he could never let go of. Because now they were a part of him. After his rescue from Tantis Tech’s new augmentations had been badly damaged, and he had damaged them even more during his period of rehabilitation. They needed to be maintained and fixed long ago but he had not had the heart to tell his family of what had happened to him, how badly he had been injured after his fall on Eriadu, and how Hemlock had “helped” him. He didn’t want to worry his brothers, it was a burden for him to carry not them. So what was the point in worrying them? What’s done is done and he cant changed it, even if he wanted to.
Right now he was just trying to rewire the servers. Once he had been fully conditioned he remembered how Hemlock had rewired his new armour to allow him to use the full range of functions his augmentations had. He was currently focused on his right leg, his pants pulled all the way up to his thigh his leg entirely exposed so he could see everything. He wished he was in a more sanitary environment than the earth he was sitting on but he didn’t have a space in their shared home where he wouldn’t be disturbed.
He unlatched the main compartment of his legs wiring and began refitting anything that had been damaged and altering the flow of electricity so that his leg would work at a higher capacity. He then moved onto his knee joint, he loosened the bolt a little big. He struggled to move his knee sometimes and figured that the joints had wounds the suspension up to tight and wasn’t giving him full range of movement.
Briefly he wonders if that was intentional.
A fun thought crossed his mind, if he could get Rex to get him the right parts he could install propulsion jets into the soles of his robotic feet that would allow him to hover and fly around Pabu. Although that would defeat the entire point of keeping his new body a secret.
He continued to work down his leg until the whole thing had been carefully checked, modified and replaced. Maybe next time he would bring a few more spare parts to properly make the adjustments he wanted.
He rolled down his right pant leg, folding the cuff, once, then twice and replacing his book over the top. He then moved to his left leg, only needing to slide his pant leg up a little ways, to his shin and remove his boot. He looked at the titanium of his foot.
He considered it a moment, the way he had when he first saw it. He didn’t know how to feel about it. It worked just the same as the rest of his body. He had to hand it to the droids they had done well. And now he didn’t have to worry about standing on things he couldn’t stand the feeling off or bumping them with his foot, that issue was one he was thankful to live without. But the cost, the cost of his humanity, the cost of his autonomy, the cost of his freedom…was it worth it.
He knew the answer should be simple. That the answer should be “of course not, it was because of Hemlock that he fell from the rail car and had been turned into a machine, that was never worth it” But…part of Tech felt better, better than he ever had. The parts of him that were machine worked so smoothly and he never had to worry about his body failing him in ways he that he couldn’t fix. If anything did ever fail him he could simply replace the part or rewire the mechanics and he would be good as new again.
He knew that wasn’t the right way to think about his situation but he couldn’t help it. That was simply how he felt.
After he had cleared away some dirt from the joints in his foot and made sure that it was working he rolled down his pant leg folding the cuff two times like he had with his right one and replaced his boot. It was still strange to him, knowing what the sensation of putting on a boot or having material slide over your skin felt like but being unable to feel it. He didn’t know if he liked that or not just yet.
Now it was time for the difficult part. He didn’t exactly know how he was supposed to examine his own spine but if he could open and close the servos without any additional pain then he would have to assume that everything was fine. He was also unable to check the state of his wounds and their progress. He would merely have to hope that his body was doing its job as designed by the Kaminoans. He knew that his time in the Bacta tank, as much as he detested the feeling and the memory, would have helped his body immensely. He hoped that there were no infections or still opened wounds, but he assumes he would have noticed by now if that were the case.
Gently so that the fabric would not catch on the exposed notches, Tech begins to pull his shirt over his head. He had managed to find where Hunter had confiscated his CX armour and stolen the remote access panel.
He picked up the access panel and stared at it. It was a different design to the one Hemlock and Emerie had shared. It was wider, and the base was grey. There was a red and blue button accompanying the black ones. Part of him desperately wanted to throw the remote into the sea below and watch it plunge to a watery grave but he knew that would not be a good idea.
He told himself that he should be used to the pain by now, those months of rotaions under Hemlocks “care” should have him build up some sort of resistance to the pain and fear.
But it hadn’t, he could feel his heart racing and his breathing become rugged and quick. His flesh hand shook slightly as he continued to stare at the remote, his fingers clutched the metal as he shook, he could feel that hollow feeling build in his chest as his stomach filled with liquid dread. Like black ink pooling inside of him.
He clicked the button.
33 clicks sounded as the notches popped up from his back, releasing the mechanism that held his spine together. Tech cried out and clenched his eyes shut. He felt a stinging fill the inside of his eyelids as he held them shut. Once the final click had sounded he hunched over, unwillingly.
The fear clouded in his mind and he was swallowed by the memory of his first encounter with Hemlock, how badly in pain he had been in those first few days, how fear was the only thing he could remember. He knew at first he had been defiant but he was afraid. So all consumingly afraid that he would never escape, that he would be forever stuck by Hemlocks side. The image of Hemlock’s gloved hands floated in front of his face and he wanted to bat them away.
He had to remind himself there was nothing there. He needed to get this over quickly, he took a deep breathed and tried his best to centre himself/
He took a moment to feel his back trying to get a sense of the sensations he could still register in his skin. After he was sure nothing was wrong, he braced himself again and pressed the button once again.
He hissed at the pain and sat upright, almost as if he had been pulled by someone else.
Except that it wasn’t “like he had been pulled” he had been pulled. In the moment.
“Tech?! What the hell?!” He felt a strong hand clasped around his shoulder and he was being pulled to the side. His head snapped up, his eyes opened underneath his goggles and he could feel the sting in his eyes more clearly now, they were tears and as soon as he had opened his eyes they had spilled into his goggle. After looking up he was face to face with Hunter. Omega standing just over his shoulder.
Hunter was crouched down in front of him at lines of worry in his face deeper than usual and his brow furrowed so far Tech was surprised he could still see Hunter’s eyes. He could feel Hunters hand gripping his shoulder, he wanted to shake it off but he couldn’t move. He was frozen, staring into Hunters face. His hand was still clenching the remote and his entire body was now shaking.
His vision begun to swim as Hunter’s face morphed into Hemlock’s and then Emerie’s. Tech gasped and tried to push them away but the attempt was feeble. Whoever was in front of him wouldn’t move. Faintly he could hear someone calling his name, but they sounded so far away, he couldn’t tell who it was.
“Tech?! Tech!” Suddenly Omega’s face had taken up his field of view and the hand on his shoulder was gone. “Tech listen to me ok. You aren’t on Tantis anymore. See it’s me and Hunter”
He felt himself sway and then he was forcefully yanked back to reality. He was sitting on the cliffside over looking Pabu, and Omega and Hunter were standing there with him.
Defensively he brough his hands up to cover his exposed chest. “It’s not what you think” he said staring up at Hunter.
Omega reached over and retrieved Tech’s shirt handing it to him and he slid it over his torso.
“Tech, what happened?” Omega asked him tentatively but he couldn’t answer, not yet.
He took several minutes to sit as still as he could and breath, taking in oxygen and expelling that dread and fear. Omega was right, he was safe, he wasn’t on Tantis and he was with his family. He could see Omega she was right there. They had saved him. He knew that.
Once he was ready to speak again he gave Omega a small nod and looked over a Hunter. A mix of worry and anger was twisted onto his brow.
Hunter spoke first “Tech what the hell? What were you doing?”
All Tech would respond with was a “It’s not what you think"
Somehow Hunters brows furrowed ever more and he folded his arms in anger “What should I think then Tech? Because it seems pretty black and white to me? You are covered in machinery that we had no idea about? You kept this from us?! Why!?”
Hunters voice had gradually raised as he had spoken and each time Tech flinched.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, just don’t hurt anyone”
An eerie silence fell between the three of them. The words had fallen out of Tech’s mouth before he could think about what he was saying.
The anger faded from Hunter’s face immediately and a lump formed in his throat. Dread filled his own stomach now and horror clouded his mind.
“Tech…no ones going to hurt anyone. We are worried for you is all” Omega says softly
Tech closes his eyes again, why did this have to happen, he had everything under control without them interfering. Deep down he was irritated that they had come looking for him. If they had only waited a few more minutes he would have been done and this would have never had happened.
“I didn’t tell you because it is not your issue to worry about Omega” he says it quite coldly but neither of them back off.
“Tech we are family, we’ve been doing everything we can to help you since Tantis. You didn’t have to-“
“Yes, I know that and I am grateful but this was one thing that I did not want to burden you with. There is nothing you could have done anyway” What else was he supposed to say? What did they expect him to say?
Hunter turned away and ran a hand over his face. He was in a state of distress one he had never even been in on the battlefield. His brother, had been his usual self and kept a serious issue to himself, he had allowed himself to, once again, carry a burden that he knew he would never have had to carry alone.
All his creation he had done everything he could to protect his family, and now he had realised how badly he had failed. Not just when he had failed to convince Crosshair to stay with them, or when he lost Omega. He had failed to save Tech and he had left him to a fate worse than anything he had imagined. And now after all of that, even after Hunter had done his best to right those wrongs he had discovered another thing he had failed to do for his brother.
Tech never told anyone about anything that was bothering him until it was so bad it was obvious to everyone around him. But something a sever as this? How had he kept this hidden all this time. And why had Hunter never figured it out. That was his job!
He had failed his family…again
Breaking out of his caging thoughts he listened as Omega talked to Tech
“Omega, it is not what it looks like. I was not intentionally causing myself harm; I need to make sure that everything was functioning to its fullest capabilities so I would not get hurt in the future”
Omega frowned but nodded at Tech. “Are you going to tell the others?”
Hunter cuts over her with another questions “Were you ever planning to tell us?”
Tech looked down at his hands, guilt filling his throat “I do not know, but most likely not”
Hunter sighed and walked over to crouch beside Omega. “Tech I know we don’t know what you went through on Tantis…but we don’t want you to feel like a burden. Because you aren’t. We would never hold it against you for being different or whatever you believed our reactions to be.”
Hunter sighed not knowing how to convince Tech. Tech would rival Crosshair in stubbornness at times and it wore him down, especially in instances like this.
But Tech was his brother, his family. He couldn’t just let this go.
“Tech? Can I give you a hug?” He heard Omega whisper
Tech nodded and carefully wrapped her arms around Tech and collapsed into his legs. He put his arms around her and for a while they just sat there, Hunter sitting beside them both his hand on Omega’s back
(obviously not a full chapter but enough for the prompt. You'll see the rest of it in chapters to come)
#art and writing#writing project#creative writing#writer#writers#writing#writers on tumblr#writeblr#writerscommunity#summerofbadbatch2024#tbb#the bad batch#tbb tech#the bad batch tech#tbb hunter#the bad batch hunter#tbb omega#the bad batch omega#week 1#its not what you think
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you hate the columfags so much but I want to hear your thoughtz,,,,Who do you think was dyl's halycon girl?
oh yippie. i've already answered this before, but i like to yap, so thank you anon :]
my main thought is: dylan did not love one girl, he circled around numerous girls that he thought he was in-love with, but in reality was just in-love with love, and that it could save him from his misery.
in klebold's journal, specifically the page dated: 1/2/98, the text reads:
man I dont know what's up lately...never do in existence. All this shit w. [edited] and [edited] friends.... so wierd & different from past... yet again, thats the way in existence. I wonder if i ll ever have a love...my love. [edited] got his, I dont, wont ever get mine. Here's all the people ive loved, or at least liked (or thought I loved) - all the same meaning.
followed by this image:
now he says "all the same meaning" and because of the hearts, I will assume the list is of people he had crushes on or thought he was "in-love with".
perhaps the halcyon girl was part of this list, or maybe these are past crushes, but still it gives an insight that dylan was not focused on just one girl and he was just kinda having little crushes on girls and was somehow convincing himself (that at least some) were 'true love'.
I've seen a few names thrown around. those being:
rachel joy scott
marla foust
kristen theibault
erin boortz
i'll try to explain why each girl has been said to might've been her halcyon girl, there's a LOT of info for some, and I'm just typing what I remember.
why rachel joy scott?
oh boy.
the letter R in the heart drawn in the klebold's diary. but there is no direct information about them being close. like at all. other than they both had devon as a mutual friend. they knew each other and probably only just because of the saved performance.
why marla foust?
marla is picked mainly for two reasons: the acoustic poem, the mention of "mara" in klebold's writings and that he supposedly asked her to prom.
In his journal entry of november '97 called "ThoughtS":
"church was so fun.... the rec thing w. mara". there's speculation that he just misspelled her name, which isn't far fetched seeing that he misspelled his own middle name at some point.
the acoustic poem:
there's 10 letters, marla foust, is 10 letters. it's possible to fit her name in:
M is for the moments of joy she gives me
A is for how she Always Leaves me helpless with her beautiful gaze.
R is for the RARE moments she shares w. me
L is for the Lost & found love that I've been Looking for all my Life
A is the Aspect of us as a couple.
F how Fondly i hope to spend time with her
O how she is the only one i love, that i have ever Loved
U is for the universe where we can Look at the stars.
S How Supremely beautiful she is
T Her Taste for everything she does.
as for the prom, marla told investigators at one incident klebold asked her to prom, but had to declined his offer because she already had a date. (however some people think she lied about that because dylan didn't even know the date to prom and robyn had to basically beg him to go).
why kristen theibault?
klebold a girl in his june ‘97 entry called "my 1st love??":
“such a strange name, like mine”, the theory is derived because of her last name, ‘theibault’ pronounced a lot like ‘klebold’. plus, kristen not only have friends in the TCM, (joe stair, chris morris and tad boles) she and dylan definitely knew each other at-least, to the point that dylan's dad mentioned her.
why erin boortz?
again, the acoustic poem, but instead, with erin:
E = is for the (everlasting, eternal, ecstatic) joy she gives me
R = is for how she (renders) me helpless with her beautiful gaze
I = is for the innocent (infinite, intense) moments times she shares w. me
N = is for the (new, newly) found love that I've been looking for all my life
B = is the (both, beauty) of us as a couple
O = is for how (often) I hope to spend time with her
O = is for she is the (only) one I love, that I have ever loved.
R = is for the (roof) where we can look at the stars
T = is for how (truly, totally, terrifyingly) beautiful she is
Z = her (zeal, zest) for everything she does
fun fact: erin's chevy blazer was hit with bullets during the shooting. I can't find much info about her than that lol.
that's about all I can think about tbh. I wouldn't be surprised if it was one of these girls, or maybe all of them at some point. or just a few. I've seen some people say he may had feelings for devon, but who knows.
a few things from his journal like:
"girls i know (mainly [edited] & [edited]), how i know i can never have them, yet i can still dream..." - mentions two girls and how he can't be with them.
"The one who I thought was my true love, [Edited], is not. Just a shell of what I want the most... The meanest trick was played on me - a fake love... She in reality doesn't give a good fuck about me... doesn't even know me..... I have no happiness, no ambitions, no friends, & no LOVE!!!" - ok. so bro really has the habit of just saying some girls are his true love and then realize they aren't. u see what i'm saying? he was playing hot potato.
"Goodbye all the crushes ive ever had, just shells.... images, no tu truths... BUT WHY?" - alright, first. crushes. plural. and again, frustration that said girl(s) didn't meet his halcyon expectations.
"[Edited] who i think i love deeper than ever... I was hollow, thought I was right. Another form of the Downward Spiral... deeper & deeper it goes. to cuddle w. her, to be one w. her, to love; just laying there." - ok. see, and now he just goes to another chick he's SUREEE is his true love.
"I don't know my love: could be [edited], or [edited], or [edited], or [edited], or anyone. I don't know & im sick of not KNOWING!! to be kept in the dark is a punishment!!!" - this could go on forever, but i think my point is made. he didn't love one girl, he was just desperate for something of "not knowing". he just wanted something or in this case, someone to save him.
tldr: dylan was lonely and just wanted some girl and the love they'd have to "save him".
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What's really depressing is how I still wish that it would be me and you in the end.
#i miss you more than anything#everything reminds me of you#I wish I could get over this soon#because it h u r t s#you're gone but I still cant accept that#in my thoughts you still exist as a part of my life#maybe that is our only forever#I wonder when I'll accept reality#sigh if only time had better timing for us
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thinking about todd and his resolve toward… not quite isolation, but being alone in a room full of people again. he goes along to the study room to sit on his own and do his homework, he sits at the poets table and follows along with what’s being said while keeping quiet, he goes to the meetings at all but doesn’t necessarily contribute (in fact, if you watch him when cameron is telling the story ‘from camp in sixth grade’, you can see that he recognizes it before any of the other poets but doesn’t voice it until they all have). he’s not alone, necessarily, if you want to get technical about it, he’s just lonely, and he’s generally okay with that. he doesn’t have friends and that’s fine, he doesn’t participate in class and that’s fine, he doesn’t have a relationship with his family and that’s fine—he could live without any real connection and he’d have been, more or less, fine.
the thing about when he says “i can take care of myself just fine!” is that he isn’t really wrong, you can infer that he’s been doing it his entire life anyway, it’s that ‘taking care of yourself’ isn’t the same thing as really living or being happy. todd’s an introvert, certainly, and even as he gets closer to the group he defaults to sitting quietly in the background, but he’s also denying himself community out of fear not introversion. todd isn’t friendless because he’s an introvert, although that definitely plays a part, he’s friendless because he pushes anyone that might want his company away. if anyone has every wanted for his attention in the first place. (neil’s unwavering interest in him is unique (even when it comes to the rest of the poets, who are fine with todd coming along and joining the group, but aren’t really hellbent on him being there in the beginning) and his refusal to accept it is a direct result of being so lonely growing up.)
there’s obviously something to be said about the implications of his parents neglect, and the more than likely fact that he grew up friendless, and how those both play a part in in him being so skilled at dodging social interaction/being so avoidant of it, but by the time we see him in the movie he’s all but accepted his fate as being alone his entire life. he’s already accepted being the family disappointment, and he’s already accepted he’ll never amount to anything, and he obviously doesn’t like it, but he’d have managed living with that knowledge without the confirmation that it was all wrong. would he have been miserable? almost certainly. but he’d have managed. he’d done it for that long already, anyhow.
#and like obviously it’s BAD in the long run and his isolation IS only making his life worse but… genuinely he’d have been alright#all things considered#it’s super interesting to me how it’s neil who starts the domino effect of todd’s life becoming Less Shit#both by beliving in him and putting faith in him that he’s never seen before and refusing to let him hide away#but it isn’t a savior moment on neil’s part#and i find it so odd when people frame it as one#todd is like… actively irritated at him in that scene 😭#neil is right that todd needs to get out of his shell and put himself out there and Believe in himself#but todd can’t accept it yet because he can’t see what neil sees in him yet and doesn’t believe it exists at all#and it frustrates him because unlike everyone else neil REFUSES to give up on him#and as far as todds concerned it’ll be for nothing#as far as todd’s concerned neil isn’t a savior or a hero in that scene he’s an annoyance#a necessary one in the grand scheme of things but an annoyance all the same#i think people forget that just because todd DOES want to break out of his shell (‘don’t you think you could be?’ / ‘no! i… i don’t know!’ +#‘come on you heard keating don’t you want to *do* something about it?’ / ‘*yes* but…’) doesn’t mean he knows how or believes he actually CAN#todds autonomy can be taken away from him a lot (ironic) and he can be twisted into someone with no opinions or thoughts or whims +#outside of neil but that isn’t really the case#and a part of that blame lands on the movie because todd doesn’t get explored a lot but there’s still evidence of him being his own person#he’s not a yesman and he tells neil when his ideas are stupid (keeping the audition from his father) or he just doesn’t personally agree +#(the entire ‘no’ scene) and he functions perfectly well when neil isn’t around and while they aren’t focuses +#there are short scenes where todds alone or scenes that start eith them apart that make it clear they aren’t attatched to each other +#in the way people can often write them to be (that is in the trenches if the other is missing)#this post and all these tags are my long winded way of saying FUCK the codependent anderperry thing some people subscribe to it makes me#mad#neil’s goal is to help todd grow into himself and become his own person and find his identity more than anything#and todd doesn’t need neil to hold his hand to do literally anything and everything he’s a normal guy with anxiety#come on guys#dps#dead poets society#todd anderson
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Can I ask, since you mentioned agreeing 'even if under duress' - how did the Watchers convince Player Grian to join them in hunger au?
So take this with the specific grain of salt that ive never watched Evo directly (but have friends who have ((thank you wren)), so i know tidbits via osmosis from them), but my thought has always been that the riddles the Watchers gave the Evo Players were all tests used to measure cleverness and intelligence-- the whole point of them attempting to copy the mind of a Player into a Watcher larva in the first place was to try and avoid the insanely high infant mortality rate their typical juveniles go through, bc they dont understand their own limits enough to even know they have them yet. So they needed a Player they knew they could instruct and who would listen to them, and, well. Grian, for all he was rebellious and outright defiant of the Watchers, still solved their puzzles and only had to be punished once before he stopped trying to mess with them
What ive always pictured is after the dragon fight the two main elders of the Watcher colony finally revealed themselves to Grian properly-- i have this crystal clear image of the two of them hovering above and next to the central end island, looming over Grian, and like, these guys are big. HUGE. A good 5x bigger than the ender dragon itself, at LEAST. It would be hard not to feel insanely intimidated by that, honestly, especially when there are two of them side by side, blocking your entire view of the End from that direction.
Anyway picture that with the context of these two giant floating winged worms youve never seen before, who have demonstrated their powerful ability to manipulate code in a way you cant.... telling you that they have chosen you to become one of them. Thats an immense amount of pressure, both from flattery and fear, especially considering theyve punished you before for defying them. I like to think even then, Grian balked a bit, and while i dont have exact dialogue beats here, i know the Watchers continued putting that pressure on him (likely while leveraging his friendships too-- like ive always said, if Grian hadnt been chosen, BigB wouldve been, and i can absolutely see the Watchers offering to take him in Grian's stead) until he finally caved and accepted their "offer" of joining them.
Unfortunately, he didnt find out exactly what that entailed until it was far too late.
#shouting speaks#asks#hunger au#evo watchers#watcher!grian#grian#evo smp#tldr they pressured tf out of him to do it#through both flattery and also leveraging his own fear against him#he was a Player after all. they were likely bumping his mood post-dragon fight to make him more suggestible#the most painful thing abt this to me is that the Watchers still werent being deliberately malicious here like#with the way they viewed Players this was NORMAL to them#they just. didnt rlly consider them as much more than food/hosts for their young. in their eyes the Watcher that emerged was different#than the Player it had hatched from#even though it had Grian's mind memories personality and stats#every day i feel shrimp emotions abt this#the horror he went through..... and they never once thought of it as torture#they never once regarded Player!Grian as something that needed to know what was going to happen to him#bc it was normalized to them. yeah sure Watcher juveniles hatch from Player hosts thats NORMAL thats part of their life cycle!!!#the only new thing is this one would still retain the Player's mind#it was a fucked up science experiment basically and grian wasnt told ANYTHING before it actually happened to him#sobs and cries ohhh grian i fucked you up SO BAD huh#also huge shoutout to my friend wren for giving me a little context while i wrote this and confirming my ideas slotted in#rlly well with existing canon. character understander status continues to stay intact im winning#txt
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Mmm Jeanne
#servants cant learn new stuff (i'll talk about jalter in a second) therefore#jeanne shouldnt know how to read or write#we actually Dont get a confirmation that she can do those things in summer 3. because the book that jalter thought jeanne wrote#was actually Her own book#jeanne works with marie. maybe she comes up with the ideas and does rough drawings that marie would be Delighted to bring to life#marie reads to jeanne is my image#jalter taught herself how to read and write and i think that was possible because of the unstability of her existence#if you try to teach jeanne how to read and write it will stick for a second but if like idk 15-20 min pass she would likely find herself#unable to read again and her writting to be suboptimal#she can sign her own name ofc thats historical#she can recite the bible from memory iirc#i love jalter's ability to be her own person even if it comes with the fact that she is very much. an ephemeral dream#like her FCKING SKILL IS CALLED.#WHY MUST YOU HURT ME LIKE THIS FGO#anyway. now jeanne again but physical#oughhh thank u for the support in the tags when i said jeanne should have self image issues because she looked different in life#i hadnt fully talked bout it i just went with hair but yeah. i need to check again because im pretty sure her body wasnt Suuuper different#but i just gotta confirm#but im just so i love the idea of her just not liking the way she manifested abd not knowing Why she manifested like that#when there are Countless depictions of her with her short brown hair#sieg looks to the side whistling (its not his fault but he knows the pseudo servant part#and its probably a mix of . fate apocrypha's manifestation and of how some people imagined jeanne looked like#but it still upsets her#not that she'd ever complain to people#you can probably get it out of her tho#unrelated and only to those who reached this far: im thinking of a singularity set in 15th century orleans in the Middle of the hundred year#war. but the difference aint “oh jeanne d'arc came back to life evil” rather than “there seems to be a battle here where it shouldnt and oh#my god is that jeanne- oh god jeanne d'arc fucking died--#and chaldeas has to try and fix the war without living breathing jeanne d'arc#actually thats not the middle of the 100yearwar but yknow what i mean. also haha jk unless...
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