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pink-sparkly-witch · 6 months

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Everything

Summary: Dumped by her boyfriend, Y/N goes home with her tail between her legs, praying that her roommate, Dean Winchester, isn’t there to witness yet another failed relationship. But fate doesn’t work that way, and what seems like the universe conspiring against her might actually be what she’s needed all along.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female Reader

Warnings: angst, break-up, language, douchebag ex, Dean’s a bit of a dick at first, insecurities, heart to heart, frenemies to lovers

Word Count: 2.5k

A/N: I’m so sorry. This summary is awful. I hope you enjoy whatever this is 😅 Please consider reblogging to spread this far and wide around this Hellsite, or leave a little comment. It really does fuel our muse. If you’re too shy or too cool for people to know you read fanfic and you don’t want it showing on your blog, you can submit an anonymous ask or drop me a DM 💖

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The rain pours down, and thunder rumbles somewhere in the distance. You laugh bitterly at how the weather reflects your mood. Rain soaks your hair and clothing, your feet sodden and squelching; the stilettos you’re wearing offer zero protection from the torrents of water falling from the sky and running down the sidewalks.

You’re grateful for it, truth be told. At least this way, no one knows the mascara that runs in black streams down your cheeks is from the tears you’ve been crying over that asshole. The asshole you’ve been dating for two months who just dumped you at your local bar while sitting next to his date for the night.

Fuck, how did this become your life? How did you become this gullible, desperate woman who keeps falling for these kinds of men? Men who date you and sweet talk you, saying all the right things until they get what they want from between your legs and then leave you for someone prettier. Someone younger.

Maybe the asshole’s right. Maybe you are the type of girl to have a fun time with, not the kind to take home to meet someone’s mother. But fuck, that hurts to admit and fuck, you lose more of yourself with every asshole that spews those kind of lines to you. If you’ve said it once, you’ve said it a million times. You’re done with men. And this time, you mean it.

You turn the corner onto your street and stop in your tracks. Dread settles in your stomach as you see your roommate’s car parked on the side of the road. He just had to choose tonight of all nights to stay home, didn’t he? That’s all you fucking need right now. You consider turning around and walking away. Hell, he wouldn’t miss you. You were meant to be staying at the asshole’s place anyway.

But, this is your home. Well, the place you live, at least, and you need to go there eventually. Might as well get it over with. Your lip trembles, knowing you need to face the one person you really don’t want to right now, especially in this state. He already thinks you’re pathetic enough as it is.

You walk up the stairs, dread settling heavily in the pit of your stomach the closer you get to the door. You cast up a silent prayer that the only reason Dean is home is because he’s got female company over. At least then, you can get in, grab some whiskey and get to your room quietly and unnoticed.

“Hey, what are you doing home so early? Thought you were staying at Chuck’s tonight?” Dean says from the couch, not even turning to look at you.

“Yeah, well, plans change. Why are you here? Thought you’d be chasing some skinny ass, barely legal bitch at the bar.” Your tone conveys pure disgust, and you curse yourself for it when he turns to look at you. And, of course, he laughs.

“What the hell happened to you?” he buckles, scanning your absolutely hilarious appearance. “You look like someone threw you in the river and left you to claw your way back out again!” Dean laughs, and you huff, desperately trying to stop the fresh batch of tears threatening to stream down your face.

“In case you haven’t noticed, Dean, there’s a torrential downpour out there.”

“Yeah, that explains the puddle at your feet, but not the rest of you, bitch,” he laughs, and that does it. You know he’s not being serious; you constantly hurl insults at one another, and it doesn’t usually get to either of you, but this time, it hits differently.

“The only reason I kept you around so long is because you’re like a bitch in heat. Always needing to be fucked. But that’s all you’re good for, and it grows old pretty quickly.”

Your eyes water, and your lip trembles. A sob escapes unchecked, and you wish the floor would open you up and swallow you whole. “I’m going to bed,” you mutter and turn to walk away.

“Y/N, wait,” Dean says, his face softening into concern.

“What, Dean? What? You wanna laugh at me more? Call me a bitch again, huh? Look, I know you don’t like me, but you know what? A little compassion can go a long way. Some humanity might make me actually believe you have a heart.”

Your mind replays every conversation you’ve overheard Dean having about you with his brother, his friends, and his conquests, and your heart sinks to the floor at how true your words are.

“Who? Her? She’s just my roommate. Baby, you don’t have to worry about her. We’re not even friends, and she’s not my type. She’s basically my live-in maid. She cooks and cleans for me and pays me for the privilege.”

“Y/N, sweetheart, what happened?” Dean asks, stepping towards you, frowning when you step back.

“Doesn’t matter,” you sniffle.

“Come on, you’re upset. Talk to me, tell me what’s going on.”

“Why? So you can make fun of me like you always do? We're not even friends, Dean. Stop pretending you give a damn about me.” The hurt furrowing his brow surprises you, and you scoff. “Don’t look so hurt, Dean. I’m only repeating your words back to you. I’m the live-in maid, remember?” you turn and walk quickly to your room, slamming the door.

Whiskey will have to wait until Dean’s gone to bed.

It’s been quiet in the main section of the apartment for over an hour now. It’s probably safe to assume Dean has gone to bed, and you can get the whiskey you’re so desperate to drown yourself in.

Leaving the sanctuary of your bedroom, you pad down the hall in your bare feet, trying to be as quiet as possible. Dean is a light sleeper, and he’d complained before about you waking him whenever you get up in the middle of the night suffering from a bout of insomnia.

“I was wondering when you’d come out,” Dean’s voice makes you jump as it rings from the small dining table by the kitchen window. He’s sitting in the dark, with just the moon’s light shining enough to see his silhouette. “I was getting worried,” he states, sipping from a tumbler.

“Oh, so you do have a heart?” you respond. It’s a bitchy comment, and you know it, but you’re in defence mode after Chuck. “Might want to show it once in a while.”

“Nah. Makes me look weak,” he chuckles. His joke caught you off guard, and you let out a little huff of laughter. “See? I knew I could make you smile!”

“Barely,” you quip back and sit across from him, grabbing the whiskey bottle and filling the empty glass Dean must’ve put on the table for you.

“What happened, sweetheart? You left here tonight looking stunning and happy, and when you came home—”

“I was crying, and you called me bitch,” you state, watching Dean’s head drop.

“Not my finest moment, I admit,” Dean says as he reaches for the bottle and refills both glasses. “I didn’t know how upset you were, and I was only teasing you. If I’d known that it wasn’t just the rain that made your mascara run, I’d never have said it, and I hope you know that.”

“I really wanna believe that, but you’re always saying hurtful things,” you say, draining your glass.

“The things you said earlier,” Dean nods. “I didn’t mean… look, Y/N, you’re a beautiful woman, and some of the girls I bring home get jealous, you know? I say those things to keep them sweet.”

You nod, thinking it’s a fair excuse. Dean does have a lot of women over, and you’ve pulled out the sting from more than a few of them.

“As for what I say to Sam and my friends, well, they tease me about living with a pretty girl and don’t believe me when I say we’re just roommates,” Dean continues. You have to admit that was also sound reasoning. It didn’t excuse it; he was still a dick, but you understood it a little better.

“It’d just be nice if you stopped for a second and thought of me as a person with feelings before you say those kinds of things in front of me,” you say, filling your glass again.

“Alright, sweetheart, I promise I’ll work on that,” Dean agrees, and you notice he’s watching you intently.

“What?” you ask, feeling uncomfortably exposed under his gaze.

“What happened with Chuck,” Dean asks again.

“I don’t want to tell you,” you sigh.

“Why?”

“Because it’s embarrassing,” you whine and hit your head on the table.

“Come on,” Dean says, topping up their glasses again. “I know you have no reason to trust me, but I promise whatever it is, it won’t be as bad as you think.”

“I got to the bar, and Chuck was there with another woman. He told me we were over and that Anna was his date for the night. Then, to rub salt in my wounds, as I was walking away, he told me that all I was good for was a great time in bed. Always up for anything, like a bitch in heat.”

“And then you came home, and I called you a bitch. Y/N, I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Dean takes your hand in his, and you can see that it’s a genuine apology, and he really does feel awful about it. “You know he’s wrong, right? You’re worth so much more than that?”

“I don’t think I am. He’s not the only guy to tell me that,” you shrug. “It doesn’t matter, anyway. I’m done with men and dating.”

“You don’t mean that. You think I don’t know about all the romcoms you watch on Netflix? All those girly books you read.”

“Yeah, well, a fat lot of good they did me. I’m starting to see why people are boycotting Disney Princess movies because they’re filled with romantic disillusionment and give a false idea to women that their Prince Charming exists somewhere out there.”

“This is more serious than I thought if you’re losing faith in the Disney Princesses!” Dean chuckles, and it makes you smile slightly. “Seriously, though, I think this is more about the men you date than you, sweetheart. They are way out of your league.”

“I am not out of anyone’s league, Dean. If anything, it’s probably the other way around,” you huff a bitter laugh.

“I’m out of your league,” Dean says quietly.

“You have that backwards. I’m the one out of your league. You’re gorgeous and charming, and I have seen the girls you bring home, and they are the most stunning women I’ve ever seen. I can’t compete with that.” The words spill out of you before you can stop them, and you think Dean might be blushing, but it’s hard to tell when the only sliver of light comes from the moon shining through the kitchen window.

Dean laughs, and it takes you aback slightly. “I have called you beautiful or some other variation of it several times tonight, and not once have you picked up on it. Those women are hot, sure, but you… You are on a whole other level of hot. You are stunning and so much classier than they will ever be.”

You scoff at his words, not believing them but not wanting him to know they affect you. You know Dean’s type, and it is definitely not you. “You don’t have to try and make me feel better, Dean.”

“That’s not what I’m doing. There’s a reason Sam and Cas and Benny are on my case so much about you, and it’s because I really, really, like you—”

“So, all the insults and barely tolerating my presence was what,” you smirk over at him, “you pulling my pigtails and pushing me over in the playground?”

“When you put it like that…” Dean cringes. “I guess it was. Look, you’re hurt and sad, and we’ve had a lot to drink, so I’m not going to push you to tell me if this is one-sided, but I will talk to you tomorrow when we’re both sober.”

The warmth of the sun wakes you, and you stretch in its gentle heat. You’re not nearly as hungover as you should be, and for that, you’re grateful. Dean had some interesting things to say last night, and you’d rather your brain was running at full capacity.

Quietly, you make your way to the kitchen, mindful that Dean’s door is closed, so it’s likely he’s still sleeping, and start the coffee machine.

You busy yourself with clearing up from the night before. You rinse dishes, put them in the dishwasher and put the almost empty whiskey bottle back in the cupboard. You grab your and Dean’s favourite mugs and place them next to the coffee machine.

Taking the cleaning spray, you spritz all the surfaces and wipe them down while patiently waiting for the coffee to finish brewing.

“How did I manage to find the only person in this city who likes cleaning?” Dean’s groggy voice sounds from the doorway, and you smile.

“Morning, Dean,” you say as you pick up the coffee pot and fill his mug. You place it on the breakfast bar and fill your own before hopping onto one of the stools and making yourself comfortable.

“Morning, sweetheart. Thanks,” Dean says as he picks up his mug and takes a sip. “So, about last night…”

“Wow,” you chuckle. “Straight to the point, huh?”

“I’ve wasted enough time, and now that my feelings are out there, I can’t sit on this any longer,” Dean pauses to take another mouthful of coffee. “I meant what I said. I like you, Y/N. I’m sorry if anything I did when I was in denial of my feelings hurt you. And I’m sorry for pushing you away and making you think I hated you so you wouldn’t find out how I really feel.”

“Dean, I don’t know what to say,” you say. “I used to like you in that way, but with how you were with me, I turned it off because, for the past year, I’ve been thinking you don’t like me, and I don’t know if anything is still there for you.”

Dean nods, looking a little deflated by your words, but it’s clear he accepts them. “Can I at least try and make you get it back?”

“I don’t know—“ you begin, but Dean cuts you off.

“Please, Y/N. One date is all I’m asking for,” Dean begs, and you feel your resolve waning. You know you still have feelings for him.

“I’ve seen the girls you bring home, Dean. And I’m nothing compared to them,” you try. It’s your last bit of fight, the last time you’ll be able to give him an out from this.

“You’re everything, Y/N. And I mean that. You are smart, funny, kind, beautiful… you’re everything they weren’t. Please,” Dean begs again. “Just one date. Let me prove it.”

“Okay,” you nod with a small smile.

“Yeah?” Dean says, breaking out into a boyish grin.

“Yeah. I’ll go on a date with you, Dean.”

“Awesome!” he grins, looking like he just answered the million-dollar question. “I promise you won’t regret it!”

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#everything #au dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x daughter!reader #au dean winchester #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester angst

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idksmtms · 29 days

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cowboy like me (David Von Erich x reader) - evermore series

A/N: It was 3am, I was listening to Evermore, and this popped into my head as the perfect title for a David fic. I’m taking some parts of the song for the storyline but not the full thing so Ig try to spot where it pops up!

Summary: He was wearing a cowboy hat and he asked you to dance.

Word count: 4,183

Trigger Warnings: 18+, she/her pronouns, AFAB reader, profanity, heavy angst, major character death, movie spoilers!!!, grief (please let me know if I missed any)

Disclaimer: This is based solely on the portrayals of the brothers, not the real people. I do not own any of The Iron Claw characters. I do not claim to own any of The Iron Claw characters. I do not own any pictures used nor do I claim to do so.

Always appreciate comments, likes, and reblogs :)

“Hey, you wanna dance?” There was a tap at your shoulder and you turned around with a mischievous smile.

You knew exactly who it was. He had been glancing at you all night, only the smallest smille of embarrassment any time he was caught. You were waiting to see when he would make his move, when he would finally decide to stop watching and actually speak to you. It had been a while since you actually wanted a guy to speak to you. You tilted your head back so you could meet his eyes, slightly taken aback at how tall he actually was now that he stood right in front of you.

“Oh I don’t know, dancing is a dangerous game, you know,” you shrugged, pursing your lips though that did nothing to hide the shine in your eyes and the tilt to your lips. He just laughed, though it was more like a huff out of his chest and he dipped his head lower so his hair fell forward. It was like locks of sunshine, and you stopped yourself from reaching out and touching it, wrapping it around your fingers.

“I’m ready to take that risk, are you?” He reached his hand out, and your stomach felt all tingly, your hands beginning to shake just slightly. You reached up and hit the edge of his cowboy hat lightly so it dipped forward. His smile widened and he stepped even closer. “I could even request a song if you don’t like this one, I have an in with the band.” He smirked proudly at that and you laughed.

“Oh yeah? How so?”

“Well,” he turned to face the stage and you moved with him. He pointed to the lead singer, a young kid barely out of highschool with a bowl cut and the talent of a true musician. “That, right there, is my brother.” Your smile widened and you turned to him, mouth open and laughed incredulously.

“You’re kidding?! He’s so good! Does that mean you’re a talented musician too?” You asked, though you suspected that really wasn’t the case.

“Unfortunately not,” he sighed in such an exaggerated manner that you pressed your hand to your mouth to hide your giggles. “These hands were not made for the guitar,” he held them up and showed them to you but you were now overcome with your laughter.

He opened his mouth to say more but loud hoots and cheers began to rise from the connected patio and both of you turned to see a young man fall back onto his feet from his position over the keg, beer shining on his cheeks and wetting his shirt. You began to laugh hysterically as he cheered with everyone else, going so far as to rip his own shirt down the middle.

“That is also my brother,” the man beside you sighed and you just continued to laugh, turning back to him and reaching out to gently grasp his hand.

“Let’s dance,” you said, pulling him toward the dance floor. You both wriggled your way to be near the front and you threw your hands up into the air, moving your hips side to side along with the beat. You could feel him press against your back, his lower sternum pressed to your back. His hands slowly rested on your hips, as if trying to give you the space to push him away. You just smiled and threw your head back to rest on his shoulder for a moment. His hold on you tightened and he began to move with you, smooth motions that meant he was surely a practised dancer.

You danced until you couldn’t anymore. You danced until your feet hurt and if you didn’t have something to drink you would die of dehydration. The last song had been a slower one, you had swayed with him to the crooning voice and gentle guitar melody, your head against his chest, arms wrapped around him as his were around you. He lay his cheek against your head, blond hair falling around your face and hiding you from the party. You closed your eyes and focused on his heartbeat, on the warmth of his body that gently touched your skin, like sitting close to a heater that was put on the lowest setting. As the song began to change, you pulled away from him and he smiled at you, gentle and cute, the kind of smile that made you want to pinch his cheeks and kiss him until you couldn’t breathe.

“You want something to drink?” You asked, lips brushing his ear. He shivered in your arms and you moved your mouth without saying anything in the hopes that it would happen again.

“Yeah, I’ll come with you,” he grasped your hand and began leading you toward the table in the patio with all the drinks and solo cups. You glanced toward where his (presumably) other brother had been, and you caught his eye. He was smiling at you, arm wrapped around the girl with him. He dipped his head in a nod and your own smile grew.

Both of you stood in front of the drinks and the crisps and after grabbing the only bottle of unopened club soda, you reached into the bowl and grabbed a handful of crisps as well. He laughed at you as he took a beer from the cooler filled with melted ice. You just shrugged, chugging from the bottle like you had never drank water before.

“So, what exactly is your name?” He asked, and you spluttered, water dribbling down your chin and onto your top. You coughed and laughed, choking and giggling as he smiled and began patting your back.

“My name, heh, guess we never did tell each other,” you huffed after the burning in your nose finally subsided. “Y/n, you?”

“I’m David, David Von Erich.” He said his name with pride, shoulders lifting slightly and you nodded. He reached out and gently wiped the water from your chin and the edge of your bottom lip. Your entire body began to tingle, your lips especially.

“So, David, what are you studying?” You shoved some of the crisps into your mouth and then offered him your hand. He gently pried one from your grip and popped it into his mouth as he shook his head.

“I don’t go to school, I’m a professional wrestler.” You raised an eyebrow before stepping back and eyeing him up and down. You pushed out your lips and furrowed your brows, nodding as if you were appraising a piece of furniture.

“I see it,” you finally said, putting down the soda to pinch at his arms and lightly tap his stomach. He just laughed, tipping his hat with a ‘thank you ma’am’.

“You study here then?” He asked, taking a swig from his bottle.

“Yup,” you nodded, “second year nursing student, so call me if you need someone to patch you up after a match.” He laughed again and you couldn’t help but smile as well.

“I’ll do that then, though expect a call every weekend,” he raised an eyebrow but you just nodded, eating more crisps to hide your smile.

He was the most jovial person you had ever met. Even his voice, all deep and southern, still sounded so happy any time he spoke. A dimple appeared in his cheek and you reached up and poked your finger into it.

“Sorry,” you blushed, cheeks burning, “I just wanted to feel how deep it went.” He only smiled and grabbed your hand, bringing your pointer finger back to his face and pressing it to the dimple. This time you laughed, moving to grip his cheek in your palm and falling forward to press your forehead to his chest.

“I have never met anyone like you, David,” you mumbled against his shirt and you felt him sigh, leaning down as you moved your head back. He wasn’t smiling, just staring into your eyes, and then he was kissing you. His lips were so soft, like marshmallows covered in butter. You pressed harder against him, wanting to meld into his skin. He tasted like beer but you didn’t mind. He kissed you like he would never kiss you again, like your lips held the antidote and he would die if you even tried to move away. Your hands slid into his hair and he groaned, gripping your waist so tight that the waistband of your jeans began to dig in.

He slowly began to pull away, but it seemed like a struggle as every time his lips almost detached from yours, he began to kiss you again. Finally, when your chest was heaving and you couldn’t stand on your own legs, he pulled away, eyes fluttering open. You gazed up at him as if he was the first human being you had ever seen and he felt his entire body flush with pleasure.

You could see that the crowd had begun to dwindle and one of your friends was standing by the door, a clear signal that she wanted to leave but had no one to go with. You sighed, gently banging your forehead against his chest a couple times before smiling up at him sadly. He was about to ask what that smile was for, about to pull you into another kiss to wipe it from your lips, but you quickly reached up and plucked his hat from his head. He blinked owlishly, and you just deposited it onto your own head, pulling it down at the back so the front didn’t dip into your line of sight.

“So you have a reason to try and find me,” you winked, and then spun on your heel and jogged toward your friend. He was left standing there, statue-still, watching after you. Just as you were about to step out of the door, you turned back and winked, tipping the hat in his direction before disappearing.

+++

It was three days later when he finally saw you again. The day after the party, he had gone back to the college and asked around for the nursing building. He had walked around the entire thing, peeking into lecture halls and classrooms to no avail. The next day he stood outside the building from nine am to three pm, watching every student that walked in and out, but you weren’t there then either. On the third day, he did the same thing, slowly losing hope as the minutes ticked by.

This would be the last time he would try. He was already skipping out on helping his dad and brothers put up fencing, and they were all asking about what exactly he was doing going to the university every day. He was desperate to see you again, hat be damned. Then, just as he was standing to walk back to the truck, a group of girls came walking out of a building next to the nursing one. They turned and took the path that went by the bench he was sitting on. Someone in the group laughed, a loud sound that echoed off the buildings and he watched the group as they got closer. A girl near the middle was the one laughing, and in her arms, she was carrying a cowboy hat. His heart leapt and he jogged closer, squinting in the sunlight.

There you were, head thrown back in laughter, a bag over your shoulder, and your arms wrapped around his cowboy hat, pressing it closer to your chest. David’s smile almost broke his face and he almost ran over to you, forcing himself down to a jog so he wouldn’t be out of breath when he met you again.

You noticed him approaching and your cheeks began to hurt, lips pulling up and eyes squinting with glee. Your heart was running though you weren’t, and you began to walk even quicker, leaving your group behind. You stopped just when he did, not barely two feet away. Your friends called your name but you ignored them, holding the cowboy hat by the rim and moving closer to him until your chests brushed together. You reached up with both hands and settled it on his head, shifting it from left to right until it was centred but still stayed leaned back so you could look into his eyes. His beautiful, beautiful, eyes that you had dreamed of for the past three days.

“You found me,” you breathed out, voice slightly higher than usual.

“Took me long enough,” he chuckled, reaching out to cup your cheek. He didn’t wait another breath, just leaned down and kissed you, nose pressing into your cheek. You laughed into the kiss but wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled yourself as close to him as you could. You could hear your friends gasping and whispering in the background, clearly so could David as he began chuckling into the kiss, but neither of you pulled away until you had had your fill.

“So that means you’ll let me take you out on a date, right?” He asked as soon as you had detached yourself from him, and you began to laugh though you were breathless. You nodded vigorously, pulling out a notebook from your bag and ripping out a piece of paper from it. You pressed it to his chest and wrote your number on it, scolding him to stay still as he giggled about the sharp tip of the pen feeling ticklish. You folded it up and pressed it into the chest pocket of the jacket he was wearing then reached up and quickly kissed him again.

“Call me and maybe we can play that dangerous game again,” and then you walked back to your friends, dragging them away from where he was standing as they giggled and squealed questions at you.

David stood there for a few moments just staring at the spot where you had stood and smiling like an idiot. He reached up and touched his lips, pressed his finger to his dimple, then yelled a ‘WOOHOO!” into the air, pumping his fist up before walking back to the truck, with such an aggressive spring in his step that he was almost skipping.

+++

David turned onto his back in the bed and groaned. His stomach had been hurting randomly for the past few days and he couldn’t understand why. But then his eyes landed on you, curled up around a pillow beside him but with your back pressed into where his chest had been moments before, and any other thought went out of the window.

You had this thing about being close to him, even in sleep. You loved hugging a pillow, but you had to have your back pressed to him in some way. Sometimes, if he moved onto his other side during the night, he could hear the little snuffles you let out in your sleep before shuffling back until you could feel him again. It might be his favourite thing about you.

You had been dating for half a year now, the best six months of his life, and last weekend he had gone and bought a ring. Kerry had said it was too soon, but still came along to help him pick it out. Kevin and Michael had come too, each one pointing out different rings they thought you would like. He mostly ignored them because he knew you, he knew exactly which one to get, and they were mostly just there because they had jumped into the truck before he could peel out of the driveway.

It was sitting in his left cowboy boot under the bed right then, just waiting for the perfect time to be pulled out and presented to you. He was thinking about doing it after he came back from the match in Japan, that way if he won, you could marry a champion, and if he lost, this would be the perfect thing to console him. He knew you would say yes, you seemed to love him enough, but doubt was the brain’s best friend, and he knew he would worry about your answer until you finally gave it to him.

David turned back onto his side as a pang of pain shot through his stomach again and he wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling himself close to you until he could press his nose to your hair and breathe in your smell. You seemed to purr or hum, snuggling further into the bed and him, and he closed his eyes to go back to sleep.

+++

“How’s Japan?” You asked him excitedly. You were in his room, on his bed, the phone sitting on his side-table and the handset sandwiched between your head and shoulder. You were painting your toenails a beautiful sunshine yellow with red accents to match his costume.

“Bright,” he chuckled, “Tokyo is all lights and people, nothing like home.” He seemed to sigh at the thought and you wanted to reach through the phone and kiss him. “How is home by the way? How’re the brothers?”

You basically lived in their house now, had done for the last month or so. David never wanted you to leave and living there was better than a cramped student dorm anyway. He drove you to the university for all your classes and you came along to watch his every match. You helped his mom cook dinner, ate with the entire family every night, and then you went to sleep in David’s bed. Well, your bed too considering that the sheets now had small flowers on them.

The rest of the room was beginning to look a little more mixed as well. His dad had moved the old vanity from storage into David’s room by the window so you had somewhere nice to get ready. His cologne and your perfume shared the windowsill, and your different craft projects now took up any random free space. A second side-table had even been added and you kept a framed picture of you and David on it.

“Same old, same old,” you sighed down the phone, sticking your tongue out as you tried to paint right to the edge without getting any nail varnish on your skin. “Kerry’s been practising and working out like crazy, He caught his hand in the wiring of the fence yesterday so I got to practice my stitching skills,” you could almost see the smile on his face.

“He’s ok though, right?” He asked, and the urge to hug him was almost paralysing.

“Yeah, he’s all good, keeps trying to train with the punching bag and I have to stop him every damn time,” you huffed and this time when he laughed you stopped painting your nails to press the phone a little harder to your ear. You wanted it to be as close as possible, as if he was sitting right next to you, just laughing by your ear. “He’s gonna rip his stitches David! He refuses to listen to me, and it’s not like your dad is any help, he just wants Kerry to keep training.” You huffed again but there was no malice in it.

“You know what they’re like, he’ll only learn his lesson once he’s ripped them and feels the pain,” David pointed out, and you knew he was right. “How’s Michael?”

“He’s ok, but I do feel a bit bad for him. Now that you’re not here to focus on, your dad has a lot more time to try and push Michael to wrestle, and the poor kid just wants to play guitar or go practice with his band.”

Since David had left earlier in the week, you had made sure to be the one to pick Michael up after school so you could take him to practise with his band. You did whatever you could to distract their dad so Michael could even practise in his room. Last time you asked Fritz to go into extreme detail about his gun collection and even though he could clearly hear Michael playing, your acting was convincing enough to make him keep going until the last gun.

David didn’t say anything for a few moments, and you knew he was struggling with his feelings. He never quite knew how to feel about his dad and brother’s constant conflict. His dad was his mentor, the reason he was where he was, but he could also see how his dad hurt his brothers, how he had flipped on Kevin like it was nothing, and refused to even acknowledge that Michael might not want to wrestle.

There was a muffled groan from his end, like he had bit down on something to stop the sound but it hadn’t completely worked. There was a cough, wet and ragged, and your heart began to pound. You sat up straighter, disregarding the clink of nail polish bottles.

“David? You ok?” You asked hurriedly.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, just have a little cough,” he brushed it off but he sounded more tired than before.

“Are you sure? You don’t sound great,” you clutched the phone with both hands, trying to listen to a sign of anything else.

“Seriously, I’m alright, just a little cough, I promise. It’ll go away soon, I already got some cough syrup for it.”

“Ok, ok, good, you’ll tell me if it gets worse, right?”

“You’ll be the first to know,” he placated, and you could hear the smile.

You were both silent for a few minutes, just listening to each other breathe. You wished you were there with him, to do all the little things you know he would ignore when he was on his own. You wanted to check his temperature, pour out the cough syrup for him and force him to drink it. To run your hands through his hair and wrap him up in a blanket. Instead you stayed quiet until a few more minutes had passed.

“I miss you,” you whispered, and you heard him take a deep breath.

“I miss you too, but soon you’ll be able to say you’re dating a champion,” he joked but you didn’t laugh.

“I already do.”

+++

You were at home when the news came. You were sitting on David’s bed, hugging his pillow and trying to figure out the time difference so you could stop worrying about why he hadn’t called yet. The bell rang from downstairs and you began to wonder who would come visit in the middle of a workday. You waited for any indication that you were needed but you couldn’t hear anything, just murmurs. Something dropped and hit the floor, like a stack of papers or a phone. It was quiet for a few moments, the air almost sterile of sound, then the main door opened and closed and you heard a car engine slowly begin to fade away. Dread settled on your chest, like an anchor slowly being pulled back onto a ship, heaving and heaving slowly onto you. You ran down the stairs, almost slipping on the wood in your socks. You came into the dining room where Fritz was sitting at the table, the phone in front of him but the handset on the floor.

“Is he okay? Is he hurt? What’s the-”

“He’s dead.”

It was quiet for a full minute. Then someone hit a gong right next to your ear. It rang, over and over and over. It wouldn’t stop ringing. One of your hands came up and began to claw at your ear, bending the shell and pressing it down but the ringing wouldn’t stop. There was gauze over your eyes, you stared at the phone, at the handset on the floor, but you only saw bits and pieces, flashes of white.

“A ruptured intestine,” he continued, “they found him in his bed, must’ve passed in the night.”

It echoed in your brain, bouncing around in the spinal fluid. You heard ‘a ruptured intestine’ over and over and over. You sat down on the floor where you were, the skin on your legs rubbing uncomfortably on the rug. You pressed your hands to your head, hoping if you squeezed it enough everything would stop. But it kept on.

‘A ruptured intestine, a ruptured intestine, a ruptured intestine.’

+++

His boots were still under the bed. You had gotten on your knees once, and looked at them, just sitting under the bed, waiting for him to return. You had to look away, had to stand and move, because you knew that if you didn’t, you would have just stayed on the floor and cried for the rest of your life. You couldn’t even touch them.

Every night you lay in the dark and stared at the ceiling. Some nights you cried so hard Doris came in and lay next to you, shushing you like a baby. Other nights you just stared. Stared and stared and stared. Some nights you whispered to yourself, and it was always the same thing. “I’m never gonna love again.”

@tourturedfolkloredepartment

#david von erich x reader #david von erich #david von erich x you #the iron claw #the iron claw fic #the iron claw fanfiction #harris dickinson #harris dickinson character #angst #major character death #spoilers #the iron claw spoilers

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sadaveniren · 3 months

Text

So I want to actually take this time to Be SeriousTM. And this is directed to my lovely new fan who is sending me all that hate anon.

I gather - legitimately - from the timing of you sending me stuff and your struggle with proper grammar that you are a child. I do not know if you are in the United States or another country but I want to take a moment to make you (and other people) aware of a ruling that just happened in the United States today.

(Link)

There was already precedent for this (albeit with suicide and not school shootings) with the case of Conrad Roy back in 2014. In both of these incidences people were found guilty of manslaughter (unpremeditated killing of someone) and sentenced to jail. These two cases mean that if someone is found to have been negligent with their actions and it leads to someone’s death that person - even if they haven’t actually killed the person - will still be held accountable.

Now. You’re incredibly lucky that I am - as you called me - a hag. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I have been in fandom for many, many years. I’ve been harassed before in fandom. Hell I got harassed on my old LJ by a school mates online friend for daring to not like the person. What this means is I look at your messages and roll your eyes. I do not think I can explain to you how much I don’t give a shit about what you are saying. I - unlike I assume you (and that isn’t meant to be a zetz this is just a statement based on the fact you are spending your free time sending death threats to some random on the internet) - have an incredibly INCREDIBLY strong support system. I have been to therapy. I have so many people I can lean on if for a SECOND I feel bad. Did you see how quickly people responded to my posts? I am incredibly well liked and I know that.

But someone else might not be as lucky as I am. And you may think that you are invincible as an anon but that is an incredibly naive assumption to make - especially if your words end up do killing someone.

I have a feeling this will not reach your ears and I will wake up tomorrow, or maybe later tonight if you’re allowed more Internet time by your parents, with more messages telling me to kill myself. And I will diligently report you to tumblr and eventually block you yet again because you are not mature enough to understand yet that your actions have consequences. That not a skill humans truly will master until 15 or 16, if they care enough to learn.

So yeah. I know this is going to fall on deaf ears. I have a feeling if you are an American teen you won’t actually be able to comprehend all the words strung together because Covid stole two years of your education on top of our already broken public education programs (sorry all the teachers I know, y’all are great and I know you’re trying your best) but yeah. Maybe if it doesn’t reach this specific anon maybe there will be other teens and young adults who end up seeing this as it’s reblogged.

Your words have consequences and in the United States now that means potential jail time if your cries for someone to kill themselves end up causing an ACTUAL suicide.

#Wellbutrin is a HELL of a drug #combating that PMDD AND adhd depression #we love it #suicide #cyberbullying #maybe just don’t be a dick???

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dottores · 4 months

Text

okay well, i logged back in, obviously, because there are clearly some things that need to be addressed and have been taken out of context. just because i’m leaving doesn’t mean i should sit here and let my name be smeared.

to preface this, anantaru and i had a discussion where we came to a congenial understanding of what happened, there's been an acknowledgment on both sides of misunderstanding and believing distorted rumors and people that we probably should not have, but i’m still going to give a full explanation as to the background of everything so you all can understand and come to your own opinions. plus, if there's going to be a call-out post directed majorly at me made, i want an official address of it.

please do NOT send any hate their way, we have ended this discussion on good terms and have worked out what exactly was stirring this discourse between us. (spoiler alert: there was a third-party shit-stirrer that we both considered a decent friend at the time!)

i don’t really need a reason to block someone, and i shouldn’t have to explain it, but i did and i will again but more explicitly this time: @/anantaru made a post that i did not like. it’s as simple as that. it was a post about genshin characters and sex icks and one of the lines were “venti: too drunk.” i’m not anti-dc, but there are topics that i am sensitive about because i was sa’d in my freshman year of college—that is something i have talked about on this blog before, many of you who've been around since my tr era are aware of it. i acknowledged, and tee acknowledged, that this was probably a joke and was not meant to be taken the way i took it, but the aloof/casual way it was mentioned without any TW of implied dubcon, and without acknowledging that it was at least dubcon and could border on noncon in certain interpretations made me uncomfortable. i don’t mind seeing it as long as i’m warned. if it was tagged properly, i would have moved on without much care, but it wasn’t, so i was scrolling through the post snorting and was hit with that and i was made uncomfortable because i didn't like how it was just being passed off as an ick, and i blocked. there was no reason for it to go beyond what it did, yet we are here. anantaru mentioned that if you frequent their blog, you would know that they often write about venti and reader being drunk—i don’t frequent their blog, in fact this was my first encounter with them being reblogged onto my dash by shared mutuals, so it rubbed me wrong. thats the end of it.

i’m not sure the exact timing, but i believe it was two(?) weeks after this, when i reblogged an unpopular opinion’s post with an opinion that i thought was fairly harmless. sure, looking back on it i could have phrased it better, i’m not going to deny that, but pinpointing my one opinion out of the hundreds of others that were objectively far more controversial than mine and crucifying me for it is uncalled for. you guys know very well that i do not have the time or energy to sift through random people’s blogs to look for minors. every once in a while i glance at the notes of shit posts that happen to be on my dash and i’d be a bit startled at finding a minor in them because i still do think you should at least try to catch minors who interact with shit posts because that’s the easiest way to find them. but i was working at a medium sized firm for a year and a half at the time of the post and i am currently in law school, i do not have the time to be psychotic about people’s likes and interaction, and even if i did have the time?? i’ve always gotten incredible interaction from y’all lmfao, imposing the idea that i’m jealous is entirely inane. i do still stand by the fact that my words were twisted, i was made out, more than once and by more than one person after the next bullet point's events, to have been some psycho that stalks peoples’ posts for excuses as to why they get interaction when that is simply not the case.

regardless, after this incident, anantaru made a vague post that was almost directly quoting my tags from the reblog and was thus sent to me because many shared mutuals put together that it was about my tags. this was upsetting for multiple reasons 1) i had blocked anantaru by this point so i felt a bit violated that i was being vagued for something by someone that i blocked. 2) i started getting hate anons en masse after it, some of which were very unnecessarily explicit. needless to say, i was very upset and made a subpost on my main account after noticing i’ve been blocked on ao3 because 1) i was already upset and i didn’t even know why anantaru seemed to have it out for me much less go to the point of blocking on ao3 which leads into my next point and 2) i thought it was a bit ridiculous because the only thing blocking on ao3 stops is people from commenting on posts and i clearly was not going to comment on a post of someone who i was not on good terms with. reasoning aside, anantaru can block who they want and i was out of line for making comments about that in particular. i’ll admit that, and apologize for it.

a screenshot was taken from my personal—not a good moment for me, obviously, but anantaru claimed in their post that it was about them with no evidence. i dmed them about this in particular because i was genuinely confused, we spoke about it, i offered them proof that it was not them because i had a discussion about this post with a close friend at the time of posting it and they believed me. i will attach screenshots below (cropped because there's no reason to attach the whole conversation) because i feel as if this accusation was rather extreme and i wish it would’ve been removed because it was obviously not my best moment. an explanation for the post itself, i was upset over plagiarism accusations regarding something i put my heart and soul into and then seeing the same person that made them consistently on my dash just straight up triggered me, for lack of a better word lol, so i made a vent on my personal. how it got misconstrued as to be anything about anantaru is baffling to me but i suppose that's a question for the subject of our next bullet point. i don’t want to go into detail about the accusations in themselves because i don’t want people to send the actual person who it’s about hate. regardless, that post was not about anantaru, i have never called them a cunt nor have i ever called them a gatekeepy cunt, though i’m beginning to think i should probably remove the word from my vocabulary atp, i use it far too flippantly. anyway, i do not know them well enough to formulate any sort of opinion like that. aside from that, in our discussion we came to an understanding over it and i wish that would have been cleared on their blog as wel. so i'll attach here (i crossed some out because i don't want to breach any boundaries regarding what anantaru might be comfortable sharing but i do think it's fair for me to want this particular point fully cleared as it was a bold accusation remaining up):

5. in our discussion, we came to realize that we have/had a shared mutual who was fostering discourse between the two of us. many of you will recognize her as audri aka alucrds, who has supposedly left tumblr by this point—i suspected this and anantaru has confirmed it while we were talking. audri was sending anantaru my posts claiming that they were about anantaru, but i will stress that the only actual discussions i ever had with anyone about anantaru was with tee and eris about that initial joke because it had upset me at the time, it never extended beyond that and it certainly was never with audri. my only conversation with audri that mentioned anantaru at all was probably around a week or so after i made the post in point 3, when audri asked me about ao3 blocking in casual conversation and i offhandedly mentioned that anantaru had blocked me on there—audri was a close friend at that point and iirc, she had actually told me right after that that anantaru had her blocked on tumblr, i had no idea that they'd been mutuals at all but either way, it was an offhanded comment that led to nowhere (or so i thought LOL). looking back on it, it was clearly her baiting me into giving her information about the post i made a week or so prior because after talking with anantaru, they explained that they got an anonymous message claiming that i was shit talking them for blocking them on ao3 and the only person that could have put together that the vent post from point 3 was about anantaru was audri herself. audri continued to evidently cherry-pick random vent posts of mine to show anantaru and claim that they were about them. why? i wish i could tell you. i considered audri a decent enough friend, and though she had her fair share of issues with mutuals and other friends of mine, i never really thought she’d stoop to this with me. but i guess there’s really no explaining people who thrive in discourse.

6. my comment in my most recent post about being harassed on ao3 and in comments and in asks was not about them at all. i thought it was very clearly about heliotropes (my dottore series) and pressure to update from certain readers, but i'm clarifying that now.

7. i never intended on directly addressing this, which is why i did not directly name anantaru in my post, if i’d known at the time that tee was going to end up addressing all of this, i would’ve just been straight up with all of it.

anyway, i think that’s all, hopefully this will be the last post for real as i am tired mentally and now i am also physically sleep deprived. i've been up since three so forgive me for typos and grammar errors. this all has gone on for over a year. sorry for all the discourse on y'all's dash, wish i could have left with a bit more grace than this. rumors have been blown out of proportions and blindly believed, things have been taken out of context, such is life. i made my fair share of mistakes on my personal blog with my vents, others have admitted and owned up to their own mistakes, some will never admit to their mistakes. such is life. it moves on, always does. i know all of y'all are smart enough to come to your own opinions.

over and out, sorry again, and logged out (hopefully for real this time),

cat

#tw discourse

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archiveikemen · 6 months

Text

Harrison Gray Main Story: Chapter 7

These are fan-made translations solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection. I do not own any of the original content. Please support CYBIRD by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

❥･• Warnings and FAQ

Harrison: By the way, Jude. I need to ask you about something.

Liam: Oh, I know. You’re going to ask if he knows of any interesting things that can be used for the plot of a novel, right?

Harrison’s aloof smile showed that Liam was right.

Jude: No. What benefit will selling you information bring me?

Harrison: What if… I told you that I found an out of print book you’ve been looking for?

Jude: … tch.

Jude: Then you should’ve said that from the start, you disgusting guy.

Jude folded the newspaper he was reading and spoke reluctantly.

Jude: Recently there’s been a certain incident that happened in the shadows causing unease.

Liam: Sounds interesting.

Jude: It happened just the other day. Everyone involved in human trafficking were killed by “someone” without leaving a single trace.

Jude: Harrison. Liam. The two of you know what incident I’m talking about.

(Oh…)

– Flashback Start –

Man 1: One bill, two bills, three bills… haha! We made so much money selling those orphaned brats from the East End to other countries.

Man 1: A truly profitable business. There are people who want those starving brats, and even their corpses.

Man 2: As long as people like them continue to exist, our pockets will never be empty. Haha, this is great!

– Flashback End –

(He’s referring to the mission I accompanied them on when I first joined Crown… right?)

Harrison: Yeah, what about it?

Jude: Apparently, human trafficking wasn’t the only crime those people committed. They were also involved in “selling the organs of the deceased”.

Kate: Organ trafficking…? What on earth for…?

Jude: There are people conducting some strange research on keeping humans alive through organ transplantation.

Harrison: For instance, if someone has heart problems, their heart will be replaced by someone else’s?

Jude: Exactly.

(I’ve never heard of such a medical procedure before…)

Medical advancement could be achieved through attempting to do the impossible.

Liam: But, wouldn't it be more ideal to kidnap a living person and kill them only when it's time to use their organs?

Liam: Human flesh rots too, right? I think keeping the person alive would help preserve the freshness of their organs.

Harrison: Liam, don’t talk about this like you’re talking about food.

Harrison: … Well, I guess it’ll be troublesome to kill them, and certain organs like the eyeballs won’t turn bad as quickly.

Jude: They want to make use of corpses, but they don’t want to do the killing.

Jude: Human beings are such selfish creatures.

(Corpses incapable of speaking have value to some people…)

But even so, doing as they please without consent from the deceased or their families is unforgivable.

Liam: All of them are dead now, though. I’m sure of it… I killed them all back then.

Liam: The human and organ trafficking have been put to an end now. That means the case is closed, isn’t it?

Jude: Is there something wrong with your head? I wouldn't be bringing it up if it were truly over.

Jude’s eyes sharpened and he continued talking about the case.

We thought it was all over. However, —

Jude said that dead bodies were still being found around the docks at the harbour.

The incidents occurred at different timings, and there was nothing in common amongst the victims. Therefore, the main culprit was still at large.

Jude: All the bodies had a crown symbol carved onto them.

Liam: A crown…?

Harrison: Hmm. Could that mean those bodies were meant as offerings?

Kate: I’m sorry, Harrison. I can’t keep up with any of this at all…

Harrison: In England, a title is given to outstanding brands and companies to signify approval from the royal family.

Liam: You know the crown symbols you see on some tea packaging and tailor shop signboards? That’s the one.

Kate: Ah, I’ve seen them before.

Harrison: The symbol was created to differentiate top quality British goods from cheap imports.

Harrison: And so, a crown symbol being carved onto the bodies implies that they were “offered” to someone.

Liam: Could it be that… the royal family is involved in this?

Harrison: No, they're not. The culprits are just pretending to be members of the royal family, like some kind of mockery. … I’m sure of it.

Liam: Then, “who” is offering those bodies to “who”?

Jude: At first, it was thought that those people hired someone to obtain the bodies for them.

Jude: However, that man is now dead and bodies are still showing up.

Jude: That’s why people are calling this case “an endless series of murders”. Hah, it's so lame I can't even laugh.

(... An endless series of murders.)

Liam: This is like one of those mystery novels Harry often reads.

Victor: Mm-hmm. The truth may sometimes be stranger than fiction.

Kate • Liam: WHOA…!

Kate: Victor! All of a sudden…

Victor gave me a playful wink and turned his gemstone-like eyes towards Harrison.

Victor: Harrison, Her Majesty the Queen has a royal order for you.

Victor: “Put an end to these endless murders. If need be, use your evil to condemn the sinners”.

Jude: It reached Her Majesty's ears already? … That shrewd woman.

Harrison: Why me? If there are dead bodies involved, then shouldn't the police already be investigating it?

Victor: The number of dead bodies found has exceeded 14. However, the culprit remains unknown and nowhere to be found. The police have since stopped their investigations.

Victor: I supposed it’s to avoid showing the public how incompetent they are.

Victor: They should be gathered in a small room and discussing their next move by now.

Liam: Ordinary detectives can’t take any action without being given the order from their higher ups. I detest such hierarchies.

Harrison: … The police are truly incompetent through and through.

Harrison: Yeah, fine. It’s not as if I have the right to refuse an order from Her Majesty the Queen to begin with.

Harrison: Hey, what about you…?

Kate: Huh?

Harrison: Aren't you going to ask to tag along as a fairytale writer?

(Although I’ll be going as a fairytale writer, I do think that two heads will work better than one.)

Kate: Of course, I am. Please let me go with you, Harrison.

Harrison: You’re as spirited as ever. … Well, do as you please.

Harrison: Meet me at the entrance in 5 minutes.

Kate: Where are we going?

Harrison: Gathering information.

…

We left the castle and arrived at the harbour where many ships were docked.

(This is the harbour where many dead bodies were discovered.)

Harrison: There’s no way he can pinpoint who the culprit is without first gathering information.

Harrison: So, what’s your name?

Kate: ? It’s Kate…

Harrison: You’re funny. I remember your name from the night we first met.

Harrison: That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m asking for the name you’ll use to go undercover to look for information.

Harrison: As a member of Crown, I have to keep my identity a secret, and there’s no need for you to be honest either.

(Oh, I-I see. … I misunderstood him.)

Kate: It was hard to understand when you phrased it like that…

Harrison: We’ll proceed as a pair of detectives hired by the police. So in that case…

Kate: Oh, how about you go as Sherlock Holmes, and I’ll be—

Harrison: Irene Adler? … No, I think you’re more similar to Watson.

Harrison: But I’m not going to use such obviously fake names. Let’s go with names that sound like a butler and maid.

Kate: … Okay.

Harrison: Alright then, let’s go.

…

While we were interviewing the people in the vicinity, it soon became nighttime.

Kate: … We didn't manage to find any major leads.

Harrison: Yeah, most of the things we heard are the same as the information Victor provided. The only new piece of information is…

Harrison: 1 of the 14 corpses is a man with a large build.

Harrison: Transporting a dead body is difficult, even more so when the rigour mortis sets in.

Kate: That’s to say…

Harrison: There’s a possibility that the crime was committed by multiple people, or it could be by a very strong individual…

…

Harrison and I continued with our investigation in between completing missions for Crown, piecing all the information we gathered together.

And so, we went out to town again tonight…

Kate: No new information tonight too…

Harrison: Yeah, we’re repeating the police’s failure.

We were having sweets at a cafe Harrison often went to.

(This won’t do. We might miss out on crucial details if we're feeling demoralised.)

Kate: Harrison, shall we order one more grape parfait? We can each have half of it.

Harrison: …

Harrison: Yeah, sure. And of course, it’s still your treat… right?

Kate: N-Not this time!

Just then, we heard the door to the cafe open.

(...? This cafe doesn't usually have many customers.)

Two male customers entered the cafe and paid no attention to us, they started having a heated discussion the moment they took their seats.

Man In A Suit: Sir! It’s about time the manuscript was submitted. The deadline passed a long time ago!

Man with London Blue Hair: I know that, but I’ve been too busy having fun with girls.

Man In A Suit: For goodness sake, Sir! I’m the one who will be reprimanded by the higher ups.

Kate: … Those two guys seem to be a writer and an editor. Harrison, do you know them?

Harrison: Nope. They’re from a different publishing company than the one I work at.

The man who appeared to be a writer grinned at the other man.

Man with London Blue Hair: When you look at something, you’re not actually observing it close enough. … That’s how it's always been.

Man In A Suit: … What are you talking about?

Man with London Blue Hair: If you observe me closely, there are many things you’ll learn about me.

Man with London Blue Hair: For example, look here. The hem of my shirt is stained with ink. This proves that I was working on the manuscript earlier.

Man with London Blue Hair: And from the time we met up, I’ve been carrying a bag I don't usually use.

Man in London Blue Hair: This is how you can infer that I have the manuscript with me.

The man placed a bundle of paper appearing to be a manuscript onto the table.

Man In A Suit: Oh, thank you so much, Sir…!

Man with London Blue Hair: You’re welcome. Sorry to have kept you waiting for so long, yeah?

Kate: Fufufu, I wonder if that person is a mystery novel writer? He seems to be the kind of person you'd get along with very well.

Harrison: …

Kate: … Harrison?

Harrison: I think I might have overlooked something very important…

#ikemen villains #ikemen series #cybird ikemen #otome #cybird otome #ikevil main story #harrison main story #harrison gray

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hellowhisperingstars · 4 months

Text

All I Want For Christmas

Summary: Christmas is upon you and for the first time in years you head to your Moms for the family Christmas party. Too bad work calls Eddie away.

Pairing: Rockstar/Bar Owner!Eddie Munson x Baker!Reader

Words: 6K

Warnings: 18+, Y/N used, overuse of pet names, dom/sub dynamics, phone sex, masturbation (Male and Female), family, christmas, airplanes, barely edited, please let me know if I missed anything!

A/N: Happy Holidays everyone! Here is my Sugar Cloud Christmas one shot! I hope you all like it! Please let me know what you think!

Likes, comments, and reblogs are always greatly appreciated! <3

Sugar Cloud Masterlist

This time of year was your favorite time of year. It was the time of warm food, cozy sweaters, your stepdad Joel’s horrible eggnog (which he swears up and down is the best in New York), and most of all… family. This year, like every year, they were gathering at your grandparent's house in Ithaca. It was a time to catch up, exchange gifts, eat too much food, and play games. To say you were excited was an understatement, giddiness rolled through you as you packed your bag for your trip, going over your list just in case you forgot anything.

The past few years you weren’t able to head to your grandparent’s house due to the bakery needing your attention and your dad being a huge pain in your ass but not this year as you were heading to upstate New York with Eddie. He was officially going to meet your mom’s side of the family. At least that had been the plan. You got a little less excited as Eddie sat on your bed next to your two open suitcases, his own features screwed up in sadness that he was going to miss it.

“I’m sorry baby,” He muttered, grabbing your hips and pulling you between his legs after you placed a wrapped present for your cousin into one of the cases. “I know how much this meant to you.”

“It’s okay,” You said, waving your hand in the air like you were trying to push away your sadness. “There will be more Christmas’. It’s not every year you get invited to play KROQ’s Almost Acoustic Christmas.”

“I told Curtis it wasn’t a good time,” He said, placing his chin on your stomach as he looked up at you. You were sure the angle wasn’t flattering but he didn’t seem to care one bit. “But he pushed it. Even scheduled some interviews with a few magazines and TV spots. I’m about ready to fire him.”

“Please don’t fire Curtis,” You said, pushing your hands through his hair. “He’s doing his best with a needy rockstar like you.”

“Needy?” He asked, his eyes wide, brows hiding in his bangs. “You think I’m needy?”

“Well yeah,” You smiled a little. “I distinctly remember you telling me that you ‘need just one more’ for about two hours last night.”

“Hey, you got to cum like six times. Who got the better end of the deal here?” He laughed, pinching your ass a little so that you would jump a bit. The two of you stared at one another for a few quiet seconds before he sighed. “Fiiine, I won’t fire Curtis. Kinda like the guy anyway.”

Laughing a little you lean your head down to touch his forehead with yours. “We’ll still have New Years.”

“Wouldn’t want to miss the one year anniversary of meeting you.” He smiled, and kissed you on the nose making you giggle. “Let's finish getting you all packed, you have an early flight tomorrow.”

Together you moved around your room, both gathering the things on your list, double checking once everything was packed that you indeed had everything you needed for a two week trip to upstate New York. Presents included.

The next morning Eddie walked with you into the airport in Indianapolis, hand in hand, both of you dragging one suitcase behind you. It was loud in the building, the sounds of planes landing, taking off, people moving quickly from one side of the airport to the other to catch their flights home, or work, or even to just get out of the cold Indiana weather for a few days. Airports always had a funny energy to them. The buzz of adventure.

“Alright,” Eddie said as he led you over to the line to check in. “Gotta get you checked in. Don’t want you missing this flight, your mom would murder me.”

“No she wouldn’t,” You laughed, leaning your head on his shoulder as he grinned down at you.

The line moved quickly and soon it was your turn. The pretty airport worker gave Eddie a flirty grin, complete with an unnecessary “accidental” hand touch when he passed your ID and his credit card over the counter to her. He had insisted on paying for you to be upgraded to first class for both flights, you had tried to argue but he wouldn’t hear it, it was almost six hours in traveling with one layover and he wanted you to be comfortable. He even made sure your bags were checked and would be transferred to the new plane so you wouldn’t have to re-check them.

You watched with slight amusement as the girl behind the counter continued to try to get his attention past normal work communication. It didn’t bother you much anymore when people would flirt with him. Eddie made it very clear that he only had eyes for you and when his hand went around your waist to pull you closer, the smile on her face dropped. The rest of the transaction went by with no interest from her end when she passed your tickets over to him.

Once you were all checked in, Eddie pocketed his wallet and grabbed your hand to start walking with you towards your gate. Checking his watch, he handed you your tickets. “We have an hour to kill. Want some coffee?”

“Yes, please,” You nodded, putting your tickets in your purse, you let his hand go so you could wrap your arm around his waist. His arm automatically goes over your shoulder.

Finding the airport coffee shop quickly, Eddie placed your orders and together you waited until it was ready. Grabbing your orders he walked with you towards your gate, taking a seat facing the large windows so you could watch the planes come and go.

“I’m going to miss you.” You pouted at him, taking a sip of your hot drink. The coffee warmed you from the inside out making you feel slightly better.

“I know, baby.” He said playing with the ends of your hair with the hand not holding his own cup of coffee. “But it'll only be two weeks and then we'll be together again. Plus you can call me whenever you want.”

“That’s true,”

All too soon your flight was called over the loudspeaker and it was time to board. Finishing your coffee you tossed the empty cup into the trash can as you both walked towards the gate. Turning you hugged him tightly, giving him a kiss when you leaned back a bit to see him.

“You have your tickets?”

“Right here.” You said pulling them out of your purse.

“Call me as soon as you land at JFK for your connection and again when you land in Ithaca.”

“Yes, Sir,” You smiled up at him sadly, you hated leaving him and this time you both would be on opposite sides of the country. “And you’ll let me know when you get to LA right? Don’t make me worry about you.”

“You know I will.” He smiled, pulling you close to kiss your forehead as the flight attendants called for first class passengers. Eddie nodded a bit before he looked down at you. Tapping the point of the pick on your collar that poked out a bit from under your scarf he smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You smiled sadly. “I'll see you in two weeks.”

“Be safe, be smart, and have fun with your family.” Kissing you once more he moved his arms away from you and put his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket as he watched you take a step back. “Tell your mom sorry I couldn't make it.”

“Break a leg rockstar.” You smiled with a nod once more before you turned and got in line.

He waited until you were through the gate turning back to give him one last wave before watching you walk down that long hall and into the plane. He even waited until your plane was taxiing onto the runway, watching through the large windows as the plane took off, taking you away from him. This was going to be a long two weeks he decided as he turned and left the airport alone.

You rarely flew growing up and even less now but when you did most of the time you just chose economy, since you had to pay for it yourself, your father didn’t want to spend any money on a ticket that would take you to his “alcoholic ex-wife”. But now you were practically melted into your first class seat on the second flight heading towards Ithaca and you wondered why you fought Eddie on this. It was so comfortable, the chair was large and could fold out into a bed, plus there was so much leg room just to stretch out if you wanted. No crying babies, no one accidentally elbowing you as they adjusted in their seat, and best of all you were in a window seat, watching as the world below flew by.

At the start of the last leg of your trip you had pulled the CD player from your purse and put the headphones over your ears turning it on so you could listen to the Corroded Coffin demo that Eddie had given you, for the one billionth time. You loved that you could still hear his voice even though you would be thousands of miles away from him. A tap on your shoulder made you jump a little and when you looked over one of the flight attendants was smiling down at you, so you paused your cd and pulled the headphones from your ears.

“I’m sorry I didn't mean to scare you.” She laughed a little.

“Oh no it’s fine. I should have been paying more attention.”

“I just wanted to let you know that we will be landing soon and your tray needs to be in the upright position.”

“Thank you.” You smiled as you turned off the CD player and pushed it back into your purse as you prepared your spot for landing and she walked away to assist the other passengers. With your seatbelt on you watched as the ground grew closer and closer, the town of Ithaca getting bigger and bigger. The plane jolted and the tires squealed as you landed and sighed a small smile growing on your features as your plane was taxi’d to an open gate.

In a line you followed all the other passengers out and into Ithaca Tompkins International Airport making sure you had your purse securely on your shoulder as you dug inside to turn on your phone. Once loaded you hit Eddie’s saved number and held the phone to your ear but all you got was voicemail. You had spoken to him earlier when you got to JFK but now he must already be on his way to LA. “Hey baby, it’s me. Just wanted to let you know that I landed in Ithaca just fine, going to grab my bags and head to my moms. I love you, have fun at the concert. I’ll talk to you later.”

Hanging up you shoved your phone into your pocket and continued your way down to the baggage claim. As you came through the archway that led to the front of the airport you heard your name be called by a deep voice. Turning you smiled, throwing your arms out into the air as you ran to your stepfather. He looked the same as he always did. Tall, dark, and handsome. Decked out in plaid and denim with his warmest jacket on. “JOEL!”

“Hey kid!” He laughed as he hugged you. “How are you? How were your flights?”

“Good, good, everything was good!” You laughed as you hugged him back. “I'm so happy to see you!”

“You're by yourself?” He asked as he looked around hoping to catch a glimpse of your plus one. “Your mom told me your new beau was coming. I was hoping to meet him.”

Sighing, you shook your head. “Duty called unfortunately. It's not every year you get picked to play KROQ’s Almost Acoustic Christmas so he had to go. He hated having to cancel on us at the last minute. But you'll meet him in the spring when you and mom come out to visit.”

“Life of a rockstar.” He smiled a bit, throwing his arm around your shoulders in a fatherly way walking you towards the baggage claim. “Let's get your stuff and head on home. Your mom's cooking your favorite tonight.”

Christmas in LA was a lot different then Hawkins. No snow covered the ground, there was a slight crispness in the air, and the sun was still able to keep you warm during the day. The only things he hated about LA was that you weren't here with him and the layer of smog that laid over the city.

Eddie groaned as he lifted his guitar case over his shoulder and grabbed his own suitcase from the back of the van so he could follow the rest of the boys inside of the hotel that they would be calling home for this trip. He was a little jealous of Jeff and Gareth, they were able to bring their girls with them for this trip, watching Andrea and Lizzy talk animatedly about the pretty Christmas decorations made him miss you that much more. Knowing you would be right there with the girls pointing out the cute little snowman statues that sat next to the large decked out pine tree in the middle of the lobby.

“Just wait here guys. I'll get us all checked in,” Curtis said as he gestured for them to relax.

“You have been pouty the whole way here Eddie Bear.” Lizzy said as she broke off from Andrea to bump her hip into his. “I'm sorry you had to miss Y/N's family party for this. I know how much you wanted to be there.”

“It happens,” He shrugged using one hand to push his sunglasses up onto the top of his head letting them get lost in his curls. “There will be more Christmas’. We both knew going into this that I would have to fly off sometimes.”

“She call you yet?” Brandon asked from his chair he found to sit down on.

Looking at his watch he took note of the time. You should be there by now and dropping his arm he reached into his pocket to grab his phone to turn it on. “I forgot to turn it on after we got off the plane.”

“I'm sure she left a message.” Lizzy said, rubbing his arm a bit.

Like magic the little notification popped up showing he had a voicemail. Smiling he pressed a few buttons and held the phone to his ear, the robot voice spoke for a few seconds before your voice started. He felt like he could breathe easier knowing that you were safe on the ground and heading to your moms. “She made it. I'll call her once we get into the rooms.”

“Alright guys and gals.” Curtis said as he came back to the band with a packet of key cards in his hand, he started to pass them out to the band while he explained what was happening. “Okay, tonight we have to be at the venue to check in and get settled, tomorrow you play at eight pm, and then the rest of the week is photoshoots, a few late night tv show spots, and interviews. Then home on Christmas Eve.”

‘One day too late to be at the party.’ Nodding, Eddie grabbed the key card Curtis held out for him and followed the group as they moved towards the elevators. With all the people and their luggage all trying to load into the small space a few of the band members had to take a separate elevator.

Coughing a little to clear his throat Jeff looked over at Eddie as he pushed the button for their floor. “I have an idea if you wanna hear it.”

“About what?” Eddie said, looking over at Jeff.

“The guys and I have been talking and we think that after the show and a few interviews you should go to Ithaca and be with Y/N for Christmas. You can cut out early on Friday night and be there for the party on Saturday. The guys and I can handle the rest of the interviews and the TV spots.”

“Curtis will be pissed.” Eddie chuckled a bit as he thought about it.

“We can handle Curtis.” Lizzy said, leaning her head on Eddie’s shoulder. “Plus, you do everything he asks, don’t feel bad about taking time for you.”

Biting his lip Eddie thought harder about the idea. He could do it. He’d have to look up times and spend a fortune to get there but he could do it… and seeing the look on your face would be worth the ungodly long flight and jet lag that he would be dealing with. Looking over at Jeff took a breath. “You sure it’s okay? If I just bail on you guys like that?”

“We want you too.” Jeff nodded as the elevator dinged on their floor. Looking over at Eddie he smiled. “This is your first Christmas with your girl. You should be there.”

Nodding a little the trio moved out of the small space and into the hallway of the hotel. Scratching at the back of his neck Eddie laughed a little. “Looks like I have some flights to book.”

Slapping him on the back Jeff smiled at him before he took Lizzy’s hand and together the two of them walked down the hallway towards their room. “See you later Munson.”

“Later.” Eddie smiled as he started down the other hallway towards his room.

You smiled as Joel pulled his truck to a stop in front of the house he shared with your mom. It was a cute two story colonial with a lot of history from what you were told. You loved it here. It looked like a home out of a fairy tale. The four bedroom home was so different then your dad’s grand house in Indianapolis, it was cozy, welcoming, and made you feel at ease. You couldn’t wait to get inside and see your mom.

“Home sweet home.” Joel smiled before he opened the car door and stepped out to grab your bags from the back of the truck. Looking at the street in front of the house he noticed a few cars sitting on the street. “Looks like your Aunt Lisa is here. Which means Jack and Annie are here. Jack’s been a little punk lately.”

“He’s like what? Fifteen now?” You ask as you follow suit and jump from the car, pulling your jacket closer around you and moving around to the side of the car to help Joel.

“Something like that yeah,” Your stepdad said as he passed you a bag.

With both bags now on the ground the two of you rolled the cases up the snow covered pathway to the porch, stepping to the side you let Joel open the door before you both entered the warm home. The fire burning in the fireplace keeps the cold at bay.

“Honey!” Joel chirped as he closed the door behind you. “We’re home!”

Sounds of excitement echoed from the kitchen as the sound of rushing feet brought your attention to your mom who ran into the room straight for you. “My girl!”

Laughing, you let her take you into her arms to squeeze as you hugged her back. “Hi Mama.”

“My girl! Oh how I missed you! Come in, come in.” She took a step back and looked around the living room. “Where's Eddie?”

“Work.” You smiled a bit. “He's sorry he can't make it.”

“Who's Eddie?” Your cousin Annie asked as she looked up from her game console.

“Y/N's boyfriend,” Your mom said, holding her hands out for your jacket. “He's a famous rockstar.”

A snort came from Jack who was lounging halfway off the recliner in the corner of the living room with a magazine in his hands. “Yeah right. A famous rockstar.”

“He is!” Your mom said defensively.

“It's fine mama.” You smiled at her handing her your jacket and scarf. “We don't have to prove anything to him. Let me help Joel take these upstairs and I'll be right down.”

“Don't worry about it. I got this. You go hang out, relax, have some coffee. These will be in your room.” Joel said, waving his hand at you as you went to grab one of the cases.

Rolling your eyes jokingly at Joel, who only chuckled at you as he started up the stairs, you let your mom drag you into the kitchen where your Aunt Lisa was pulling out some homemade chex mix from the oven.

“Y/N!” She exclaimed, placing the hot pan on a corkboard on the counter before she tossed the oven mitt off and held her arms out for you. “Give me a hug!”

“Hi Aunt Lisa!” Moving over you to her you wrapped your arms around her giving her a big hug. “I’ve missed you!”

“You look great!” She said as she moved back to get a good look at you.

“So do you! Where’s Uncle Tim?”

“He’s working. Last day before his holiday vacation.” Your Aunt said as she waved her hand in the air. “Aren’t you supposed to have some big rockstar with you?”

“He’s working too. The band got invited to play a concert for a popular radio station. Couldn’t pass it up.” You smiled with a shrug, you missed Eddie but you were so proud of him.

“Is that something we can watch on the TV?” Aunt Lisa asked as she moved back towards the counter to fiddle with the chex pan.

“No, I don’t think so.” Shaking your head you moved towards the counter leaning on the other side.

“That’s too bad. I would love to see what this guy looks like!” She winked, “Your mom says he’s a really eighties rocker. Got the hair and everything. What did you say his band was?”

“I think he’s hair metal?” Your mom says as she starts up a fresh pot of coffee.

“Thrash metal.” You corrected as you stole a still hot piece of the seasoned cereal popping it in your mouth. “Like Metallica.”

“Jack listens to them.” Aunt Lisa muttered. “Maybe he's heard of your boyfriend's band.”

“Probably,” You shrugged as you snuck a second piece. “They're pretty popular.”

“Those are for the party!” Your mom scolded, smacking you lightly with a towel she grabbed from the counter when she turned to see you chewing.

“Okay, okay..” You smiled cheekily at her before stealing a third piece.

“Y/N!”

The night came and went and the day of the concert was upon the band. They sat in the trailer the radio station had provided for them, Gareth tapped his drumsticks on his leg to keep his hands busy while the others made sure their guitars and Brandon’s bass were in tune. Curtis sat there with his palm pilot in his hands, fiddling with the stylus as he checked on the band's schedule for the next few days.

The sound of his ringing phone grabbed everyone's attention and Curtis put his phone to his ear. “Hey Allen! Give me one second.”

The band and the girls watched as he left the trailer and as soon as the door was closed Lizzy and Andrea turned towards Eddie. Andrea leaned forward to rest her arms on the back of his chair. “So did you buy those tickets?”

Smiling Eddie nodded his head a little, his hands still playing a few chords on this long loved Warlock. “Yeah. By this time next Friday I will be in the air to surprise my girl for Christmas.”

The girls squealed in joy for a moment before Andrea leaned over the back of the chair to hug him around his shoulders from behind. “Good! I would’ve killed you if you didn’t!”

Eddie chuckled as he placed his hand on Andrea’s arm giving it a few little pats. “Yeah, yeah.”

Curtis stuck his head back into the trailer after a few minutes. “You’re on deck guys.”

Excitement ran through Eddie's veins as the band stood from their spots and headed out towards the stage. It was always the same, no matter where they perform, no matter how long they’ve been doing it, the adrenaline high they got from being on stage was something that never faded.

All he had to do was get through this concert and a few interviews and he would be on his way to you.

That’s all he wanted.

You spoke to Eddie a little while after the show once he was back in his hotel room, he called you to tell you how awesome it was. He was tired, he always was after a show, he put so much of himself into performing that he was usually left exhausted for a few days but he was also really amped up. You could practically feel the energy coming off him through the phone.

“I wish you could have seen it baby! It was awesome!” Eddie gushed at you from over the phone as he flopped back onto the bed. “The crowd had so much energy, they made a mosh pit, there was almost a fight!”

“And you didn’t even want to play this concert,” You teased. You were laying on your bed with your Nokia to your ear as you cuddled up under your blankets wearing one of Eddie’s shirts that you stole for comfort.You had even spritzed it with his cologne when he wasn’t looking so it would smell like him.

“Yeah, I would still rather be with you but.. Shit it was fun babe.”

“I’m glad, baby.” Chuckling you stared up at the ceiling trying to imagine his post concert glow, hair frizzy, covered in sweat, and a smile so bright it could outshine the lights of Las Vegas. You heard him sigh, completely content.

“How was your day? I didn’t ask you that before I’m sorry.”

“No, no, you’re fine baby.” You giggled, brushing it off. “Compared to yours my day was pretty boring. Went last minute christmas shopping with mom, there’s this cute little cafe in town that I think you’d like actually.”

“I can’t wait to see it one day.” ‘Maybe next Sunday when I’m in town’ Eddie thought as he smiled to himself. An idea popped into his head as he placed his hand on his stomach, phone sex was always fun. “So not to sound like a total cliche.. But… what are you wearing?”

A smirk pulled on your lips as you looked down at your body, “Oh nothing special. Just one of your shirts and some flannel pants.”

“One of my shirts huh?”

“Mhm.”

“Is your door locked?”

“It can be.”

“Why don’t you be a good girl and go lock your door for me hmm? Then I want you to get back into bed and get comfy for me.”

“Yes, Sir.” You hummed as you removed yourself from your warm bed and towards your door, taking a moment to hear if anyone was up downstairs. Thankfully it sounded like everyone was asleep and once the lock was clicked into place you rushed back to your bed cuddling under the blankets again to keep the chill away. “All cozy now.”

“Good girl,” He praised in a sultry voice, still raspy from singing, and you felt heat start to fill your cheeks. You loved when he used that voice. “Now I am going to give you some instructions and you are going to listen to everything I say, sound good?”

“Yes, Sir,” You nodded even though you knew he couldn’t see you.

“Are you warm enough?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to take your pants and panties off, spread your legs, and put your fingers on that pretty little pussy of yours. But you have to be quiet, not a single sound or your can't cum got it? Don’t need to wake everyone in the house.”

“Yes, Sir.” You breathe out as you follow his instructions, holding the phone between your ear and shoulder as you shimmy out of your sleep pants and undies, kicking them to the side as you spread your legs, holding in a little gasp when you place your fingers between your folds. You could feel how wet you were getting just from hearing him command you over the phone. It felt wrong doing this in your moms house but you couldn't find it in you to care at the moment. Maybe tomorrow you would be a little ashamed but not now.

For the next hour Eddie edged you both. You could hear him groaning, letting out little whimpers, and breathing heavily as he jerked himself off, stopping when he told you to stop so you both were on the same path towards that cliff's edge into complete euphoria.

He could hear your breathing over the phone, how hard you were working to be a good girl for him. At one point he even had you place your phone by your cunt so he could hear the sounds as you fingered yourself. He knew you were close, he knew you like the back of his hand by now, and he knew you wouldn't survive another edge. “You ready princess? Play with that pretty clit again. Slow circles. There we go. You can make a little noise, baby. Are you close?”

“Uh huh,” You muttered. You hated how wrecked you sounded compared to him. Besides his moaning he sounded perfectly normal.

“Uh huh," He mocked. “Brains are completely gone now. Countdown from five and you can cum.”

Your brain broke at his words and you don't know how you did it but you were able to count down between deep breaths and once that little word left his lips you knew you were gonna be a goner. “F-four… Five...”

“Cum.”

You did. You both did. You had to drop the phone to slap a hand over your mouth to keep in your loud whimpers as you finally fell over that edge, that twisted coil in your gut now completely unwound. All you could do was mutter ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you’ over and over again brainlessly as you heard him groan over the phone.

Slowly you moved your hand around the bed to find the phone that was lost in your blankets until you were able to grab it and bring it to your ear again. “Holy shit.”

Eddie laughed as he heard your voice pop back up. “Damn I’m good.”

“God I hoped no one heard that.” You laughed lightly through a sigh.

“I hope everyone heard that! Fuck should record that for the next album.” He laughed again when you scolded him.

After that night the days flew by with you wondering around town with your mom and getting your grandparents house ready for the party, while Eddie and the boys were being driven from place to place, photoshoots, interviews, TV spots and by the time Friday night rolled around he was exhausted as he packed the last remaining items into his bags so he could catch his redeye to Ithaca from Burbank.

As far as he knew Curtis still had no idea and he was ready to have his phone off until he got to Ithaca to give him enough time to come up with what to say to his manager. Zipping up his bag he threw it over his shoulder along with his guitar, did one last check of his room and headed out of the door.

Jeff was just about to knock when the door opened and he smiled at Eddie. “Ready to escape from LA?”

“Absofuckinlutely.” Eddie said with his own smile. “Get me out of here. I have a girl to see.”

“Curtis is in his room,” Jeff said as he walked with Eddie to the elevator. “Should be there all night, Lizzy is staying back and keeping an eye on him. She’s going to distract him if he starts to even look like he’s going to your room. We want to give you a good head start.”

“Thanks man,” Eddie said as the doors opened and they walked into it. “I owe you big time.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Jeff shrugged as the doors closed and he pressed the button for the lobby. “Maybe you and Y/N can help me and Lizzy run away for a while.”

The two men laughed as the small room descended, taking Eddie out to the lobby and into a waiting taxi. Jeff waved as he watched the car drive away.

The day of the family party was here and you had gotten up early that morning to bake a few batches of cookies for the event. Running on a cup of coffee and only a few hours of sleep it was a mad rush getting through the day as you went about making sure you had all the presents, treats, and other things for the party ready to pack into Joel's truck to take over to your grandparents home.

Throughout the day your family trickled into the small home until the building was so full you could barely find a place to sit. Drinks of all kinds were flowing and the place smelled delicious with all the food your grandmother, mom, and Aunts were cooking up in the kitchen. You took it upon yourself to organize the tables full of treats and other pre-dinner snacks.

You were pleasantly surprised that not one of your family members mentioned the whole mess with your dad. It was nice to just forget about it. Soon the sun started to set and the stars peaked out through the clouds. You had tried to call Eddie a few times but all you got was voicemail. Looking at the clock you sighed as you pulled your phone out to call again but one of your Uncles came over to give you a hug.

“Hey Kiddo!” He said as he ruffled your hair a bit. “How’ve you been? Still baking?”

“Hey!” You smiled as you pushed your phone back into your pocket. “Yeah, I'm still baking! Got a little shop and everything. I made those cookies you like!”

“You spoil me!” He smiled as he took a few from the plate.

You were about to make a quip back when your phone started to ring in your pocket. Pulling it out of your pocket you smiled when Eddie’s name was flashing on the screen. “Excuse me.”

Moving away from your Uncle you pressed answer and put the phone to your ear. “I have been trying to get a hold of you all day!”

“I saw. I’m sorry baby something came up and I had to turn my phone off.” Eddie said as he pulled his rental into an open spot miraculously in front of your grandparents home. He looked through the passenger window at the crowded living room through the front window. He had to admit he was a little nervous but he shook it off. He wasn’t here for them, he was here for you. Popping open the driver door he stepped out and moved around it to lean on the passenger side one hand in the pocket of his leather jacket. “Can you do me a favor, sweetheart?”

“What?” You asked as you smiled at one of your little cousins who ran by you.

“Can you go to the front yard and just look at the stars for me? I bet it’s beautiful outside.” Slowly he started to walk up the sidewalk to the front door of the home.

“Outside?” You laughed, moving from your spot in the kitchen to grab your jacket from the closet. Slowly pulling on your coat, you waved your mom’s curious look away, as you head towards the front door. Pulling it open you stepped out of the house and stopped as you stared in shock at Eddie who was standing just three steps away from the porch with his phone to his ear. Dropping your phone you squeal and rush from the home watching as he moves forward to catch you when you practically jump from over the steps. “What are you doing here?!”

“I wanted to spend our first Christmas together.” He said as he wrapped his arms around you. Pressing the disconnect button on his phone before he pulled you in for a kiss. Leaning his forehead against yours when you both pulled back.

“But the band…” You asked, your breath leaving you in little puffs. “All your interviews…”

“Coming here was their idea. Curtis is pissed but I will deal with that later.” He smiled back at you.

“You flew all the way over here just to be with me for Christmas?”

“Baby, I would fly across the world to be with you on a random Tuesday.” He smiled.

You moved back a little so you could fully see him, the cold was making the tip of his nose a little red and snow was starting to collect in his hair. “How did you even know how to get here?”

“Joel.” Eddie shrugged a little.

Shaking your head you laugh a little as you pull him back in for a kiss. Mumbling an ‘I love you’ against his lips.

“I love you too.” He smiled and kissed you a few more times.

A few wolf whistles and catcalls got your attention and when you both looked towards the front door you laughed as your entire family was standing there watching you, heat flaring in your cheeks as you buried your face into Eddie’s chest. Jack looked particularly shocked when he recognized Eddie.

Laughing, your mom pushed his shoulder a little. “I told you he was famous!”

Time Stamp Taglist:

@micheledawn1975

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fanfic #eddie x reader #rockstar!eddie #barowner!eddie #dom!eddie munson #sub!reader #baker!reader #stranger things 4 #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #st s4 #sugar cloud series #sugar cloud timestamp

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lxmelle · 11 days

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The subconscious, the soul, and the body...

It’s an understatement to say that the links and concepts between these are complicated / complex within the jjk world.

I’m just going to write about what I understand so far, and if anyone else has theories or a deeper understanding of it, please drop me a comment or reblog with your own thoughts. I’m open to discourse!

The rest is just largely focused on Gojo and Geto - exploring how their subconscious, soul and body may have been affected by their relationship.

What was meant to be short has gone into theorising territory as I attempt to make sense of things. I am Satosugu / SuguSato indulgent.

(Ps: I don’t discriminate over who tops/bottoms or if they even do it at all. Soulmates don’t necessarily need to copulate as far as I'm concerned).

Be warned and afraid.

It’s a real whopper of an essay by the way. If that’s not your thing, please just skim or pass - or stay for the parts you want to read and do it in multiple sittings if it gets too much.

Can you imagine what it’s like living in my brain? Ha! It’s too much for me too, hence, the info dump.

Sharing here, as I think some people enjoy reading about them too.

NOT spoiler-free. More under the cut (o^^o)

In my brainrot, the cogs start turning and sometimes 2 becomes what looks like 4 and I just have to get it out - you know the drill. Word vomit. If you’ve clicked, welcome and I hope you enjoy your stay with my obsessive brainrot, tangents, love for Gojo and Geto.

A bit on the Soul, the Body, Sub/Consciousness, and Cursed Techniques - skip this part if it’s boring:

So, based on what we have been told, Mahito believes he can see the soul, and that the body & soul are separate. For humans, souls can linger after death but upon rebirth, curses and humans alike will not know one another nor will they retain memories.

“Lingering after death” might be relevant to “north and south” too, but we don’t know with certainty what the afterlife in jjk looks like. North seems to mean rebirth - to become “someone new” - that is assuming Mei Mei is right.

Being sealed in an object (like Sukuna) is different to being in another body (Kenjaku and Tengen), and being in a binding vow/curse also changes depending on the nature of the contract, and being reborn is largely different to the rest because it seems to denote that the soul resets its memories at the very least.

Worth noting that I’m not clear on whether the spirit is different to the soul as well. They could be synonymous to some degree, but I think a spirit has the essence of a soul (indicating consciousness), and I define something with a soul to be at least a creature (with a physical body) or entity (metaphorical form).

In Toji’s resurrection case, his body is so strong from Heavenly Restriction, that it overpowers the soul of the host - Toji thus kills granny. His soul information wasn’t brought back, but some information must’ve been carved into it for it to retain… something. This something included parts where his body recognised Megumi as someone significant enough and attacked itself. (One has to ask if this is a parallel with Geto in no less than fewer than 10 chapters earlier, where his hand moved - more on this later.) Based on this, the body is separate to the soul but information can be written into it. And like the soul, a body can also be brought back through cursed technique.

OR, another interpretation is like as Kenjaku hypothesised - the body and soul are one. And if granny’s cursed technique is just summoning information, and when the soul and body are very linked like in Toji’s case, they both manifest - as in the body is so strong it pulls his soul along with it. I’m speculating. It could equally be soul information carved into the body (I’m leaning more to this interpretation).

Where curse techniques are concerned… For Yaga, he can extract the soul from the body - insinuating they are also not one and the same. And it’s not just information because the soul exists within what becomes a special grade cursed object. Multiple souls in panda’s case.

And cursed techniques themselves seem to be bound to the body for some - as in Geto’s case where Kenjaku can utilise his as well as his own techniques (along with those of his previous vessels)... however, with Sukuna and his vessels? Soul. Yuta with his copy technique - these are existing without the body or soul as this is his curse technique I guess. Reincarnated sorcerers bring their skills along with their souls too. And domains are supposedly tied to the soul. Geto was not shown to have one (but jjk 0 was created at a time where domains never existed) and if he did, Kenjaku did not have access to to it, unless the theory that the Womb Profusion is real.

Yuji could meet with Megumi's soul buried deep in his own body shared with Sukuna, that was now sunken in due to the bath of evil and killing of his sister. He also has the ability to shake a person's soul through his punches. So the soul seems to be something that can reside within a vessel and be touched through powers / ability.

Gojo was shown to be able to “see” something akin to Megumi’s soul, but this wasn’t depicted for when he saw pseudoGeto, despite the light novel saying he was constantly “staring at the shape of his soul” as he flew off on his pelican spirit. His physicality (six eyes) all but confirmed it was Geto. It was his soul that said otherwise - and it was enough to refute his six eyes. And Kenjaku believes the body & soul are one and the same, thus, confirming Gojo’s six eyes.

Or maybe Gojo can’t quite see souls? We haven’t been explicitly told. Did he see souls everywhere in that case? A part of me suspects Gege retconned this “seeing of the soul” for his fight with Sukuna, but I might be wrong. We saw the same blurry image as a representation of the soul with his six eyes, but this theory doesn’t hold up when we consider how he met with Geto at the airport.

The afterlife scene in ch236 shows their souls / consciousness somewhere at an airport (it is not known if they are merely greeting Gojo or have been there awaiting his arrival). This shows us also that they are separate. The soul has gone somewhere: Cursed realm or an Afterlife are the possibilities presented to us... because they haven’t reincarnated. Going nowhere doesn’t seem likely in the jjk world as they talk incessantly about souls and how they can be resurrected in one form or another.

For the sorcerer Geto fought with his Shiba doggy in HI - it was a fantasy of sorts - and is similar to the space between “curse and reality” that Kenjaku talked about with Sasaki. So it could be a cursed realm. And then Gojo smirking when Sukuna was giving his after-battle “send off”… did that indicate the body and soul could be one & the same? Is the afterlife a fantasy? It was a death dream? (Ah, idk how I feel about this, but again, the jjk world believes in souls).

It is so confusing. I know Gege likes the whole “there is no ultimate truth” but making this topic “up to individual interpretation” is really mind-boggling.

But Mahito and Kenjaku end up agreeing that they must be different based on technique. Maybe this is Gege’s retcon lol. Like how he created limitless and then got some people with the knowledge of physics to explain it retroactively?

I guess the manga readers needed a bit more real-world explanation once it got traction, which is understandable. But equally, some things may just need to exist as they are in fiction and unexplainable based on earthly morals or boundaries by the laws of physics and biology as we understand it.

It is possible that it’s just all dependent on curse technique, which makes Yuta’s copy possible without the body, the creation of Sukuna fingers allowing the transcendence of skills and soul without the body, Kenjaku to access soul-information (like memories) without the brain (as well as utilise the cursed technique), and for exceptions to occur, like Megumi and Yuji both accommodating the soul of another entity in their body. How some entities (sorcerer and cursed spirit alike) can touch souls - or even for cursed spirits to take on more human-like existences - implying they, too, can evolve and become a soul. Like humans evolving to become sorcerers (if they can).

And with a technique like cursed spirit manipulation, once a human’s soul is unable to exist in its physical body, the person will die unless they are like tengen with a curse technique that allows its soul to be removed - as as its form weakens… what happens to the soul if a creature / entity / being becomes more spirit than a human, where someone like Geto / pseudoGeto / Kenjaku can absorb it? I suspect they are exorcised, and they live as Pokémon-like shikigami spirits that have no soul?

We know those like Naoya can become cursed spirits, and Rika’s soul can ascend into somewhere leaving a shikigami spirit behind, so this tells us there are various levels of existence and consciousness - like a hierarchy of sorts with the soul being the most pure / transcendent. It makes sense based on my Buddhist understanding too, but who knows what exists in the jjk world. I’m just trying to make sense of it all...

And of course as I write this, ch.257 just dropped and Kenjaku bloody managed to create Yuji in a completely different era after somehow accurately discovering the reincarnated soul of Sukuna’s twin that was absorbed by him in the womb?!? 🤯 Gets pregnant as Kaori and manages to birth Yuji who could have been by luck or by design, inherited his father’s old soul’s Cursed Technique? So since Cursed Technique can manifest despite completely different DNA, it’s possible for one to assume that the Cursed Technique may be bound to the soul rather than the body… or at least for Kenjaku’s technique, he can create it within the body. or the soul?

What. The. Actual. Heck. And what happened to papa Yuji?

My brain starts to go bananas.

So souls can be split into twins if the egg splits into two (Maki & Mai and Sukuna & his twin (reincarnated into papa Yuji), and can reincarnate. But are considered one. But one can reincarnate separately. 🤯

And on reincarnation: Was the previous six eyes & limitless user Gojo before reincarnation, and does that mean that there won’t be another six eyes + limitless user since Gojo chose to go South? Especially since only one can exist in the world at any given time. Did Mai's spirit join up with Maki, or did she reincarnate?

It would make sense if the series is leading us to a conclusion whereby there is a new world where sorcerers don't exist anymore and all these OP beings like Sukuna, Kenjaku, and skills like the six eyes and limitless, cursed spirit manipulation, cursed speech, or copy aren't being reincarnated in the jjk world as it is now - by choice of the users. If Gojo and others all decide to stay in wherever they wish in the afterlife (pockets of reality wherever they may be), then the human world and the sorcerer world and the cursed spirit world will all exist separately.

But I honestly don't know if that's a good ending. It wouldn't make for very good storytelling? And all it would take was for a soul to get bored and wish to be reincarnated. So too many loopholes.

I mean, I could go deeper into speculating, but I really just wanna focus on the impact on Gojo and Geto for now...

More within the Satosugu / Sugusato context. Read here for it, or skip if it’s boring:

It seems romantic for those who have enjoyed the meme... “would we know each other in another life?”

Especially if these two were made to be counterparts. Anyway, moving on to what we see in the jjk world.

Those who like this pairing probably know these scenes:

Take it how you will. It’s rather evocative and indicative of a strong bond. If you’ve read some of my other analyses, you’ll know I feel that in the jjk world: To love is to recognise / know the other, even if they presented themselves differently. To love is to long for them, and to yield - something - whether it is a power or a sacrifice, for another.

Love shapes and forms a reason. Meaning. Purpose. It does something to the subconscious. It affects and alters a person and their soul. And even without the subconscious or the soul, one’s body can react.

Some of this will be my personal interpretation but it remains canon that Gojo’s soul recognised it wasn’t Geto with Kenjaku inhabiting him. Gojo didn’t want to kill Geto but he did in the end partly because Geto wanted him to. Maybe a part of him always wanted Gojo to, which is why it/he was a curse only Gojo could bear - the responsibility to kill him was always Gojo’s.

Gojo always had Geto in the palm of his hand. Neither acted to tip the strange unspoken balance they had where no lines were crossed until Geto declared war. Geto didn’t want to pull Gojo into his broken-down world in an attempt to attack the roots of the problems in the curse-filled world. Gojo attempted to reform the jujutsu world for a long time whilst holding it up within the institution as he knew it, hoping to make room for Geto should he wish to be saved. Yeah we know he really didn’t want saving in that way... he was too busy trying to save the ones he deemed worthy by eradicating the sinners, evolve those with potential and annihilate the weak. If he was weak he deserved to be killed.

Both longed for the other but could never quite be honest with one another. I headcanon that the words, “if I could be you” were thought about more than once by each of them. That’s why Geto said it and tried to be strong, and Gojo wanted to reform the world through eduction. They swapped fortes because they lost the other on the paths they walked on. They needed each other but fate had a different plan.

They didn’t know how to bridge the gap that had formed between them until many years later. Ultimately, despite their differences, they shared the same ideals and were designed to be counterparts. There was always a space for the other in their hearts.

In those two scenes, I wondered for a while: what was Gege’s point of depicting Gojo switching back to “ore” (in reference to himself - a nuance that cannot be translated into English from its original context within the Japanese culture) for two brief moments. What does it imply about their connection? How do we understand the levels of their “counterpart-ness”? Soulmatism. Romanticism. Whatever you want to call it.

And even pseudoGeto’s body reacting to Gojo’s voice calling out to Suguru. Nothing much ever came from it, and the conversation Mahito and Kenjaku had about the soul hasn’t been expanded on since (to my knowledge). So what was Gege getting at? What are we meant to understand? Back then, it maybe served as an unresolved issue - that Geto may need to have been rescued if his soul was trapped. But now that we saw him at the airport... we can all collectively breathe a sigh of relief - unless it was just a death dream. Then we can collectively cry.

So let’s go back to their connection. We know that Gojo and Geto were practically bonded and changed by being each others’ “one and only”. However you interpret their love is up to you, but it is undeniable that there is something unique and irreplaceable shared between them.

It was Mimiko and Nanako who recollected that Gojo was Geto’s One and Only 「たった一人の親友」.

This is undeniably canon. Geto mustn’t have mentioned him only once, or at least they learned through observation, that Gojo was important to him despite having his cult family. It’s possible that Geto might not have seen the other cult leaders much, if they were operating from different places. So this precious space was never filled after they “argued”. Geto was probably lonely / alone too after becoming PapaGeto.

And as a parent: you love your kids but they aren’t replacements for your life partner / soulmate. The same can be said for Gojo and his students. Even after death, there is a placeholder for that person. Even between partners, some people are more significant than others.

I wanted to note that this happened after the Toji incident:

Geto is actually holding an eraser, and Shoko, the pencil. It appears switched in the anime. So maybe it is not as important as it could be: by that, I mean, if Geto chose an eraser because he doesn’t like the idea of harming Gojo. So this is my headcannon.

But I theorise that it’s possible. Geto doesn’t like harm to come to those he loves - like arguing. With his cult family, this was one of the philosophies they continued after his death. Geto interpreting the kfc breakup as an “argument” also speaks volumes, imho.

The eraser goes further than the pencil, probably because it is considered less dangerous than a pencil, which Gojo elaborates in the next panels.

We also know that Gojo knows Geto - the ins and outs. He knows what he smells like (residuals, scent or whatever you want to call it) and can predict what he might do based on how well he knows him. This is reciprocal as Geto, too, knows how Gojo thinks. Kenjaku of course exploits this.

It’s not too much of a stretch to think that Gojo has a tendency to let his guard down around Geto. Hence his switching to “ore” 「俺」 and his mask “of proper decorum and speaking politely” slips when he sees pseudoGeto (whom he thinks is Geto momentarily) and also Geto at the airport. He reverts to “boku” after that. (If you’re not already aware, Gojo used “ore” throughout the Hidden Inventory arc but changed to “boku” after Geto left - likely as a result of maturing and adopting his friend’s advice to be more polite.)

For context:

Gege himself says he sometimes switches to usage of “ore” when he is excited - taken from the hared interview with Tite Kubo in the jjk character book.

So it’s really not imagining things when we see Gojo depicted specifically to be reacting like this to Geto alone. It seems like Gege is showing us something about Gojo’s subconscious / psyche. They are largely authentic with each other. There is a cultural difference in Japan about context of the inner (honne) and outer voice (tatemae). “Ore” and “Boku” represent that for Gojo respectively, I gather.

Their friendship, the rupture (and the intermittent anguish over 10 years), and having to kill his best friend - are all precisely why he gets sealed. His subconscious seems to know that Geto wouldn’t hurt him. He also trusts that Geto’s subconscious wouldn’t hurt him either. He believed Geto wouldn’t kill young sorcerers - and true to form, this cost him his life.

So there is trust for the person’s mind, there is knowing/identifying of the soul, there is familiarity of the body…

Which is interesting because all that is there is the body. Geto’s subconscious isn’t there anymore with his brain not physically present in pseudoGeto/Kenjaku’s body - but then his arm reacts to Gojo.

It even continues reacting for some time. Look at those veins along his arm in the panel below:

This is significant in the reciprocal nature of Gojo and Geto - Gojo’s speech changed for a moment and he is hit with all the memories from 3 of the best years of his life - his “3 years of Aoi Haru”/3年の青い春 like being smacked with his own unlimited void. Geto’s body reacts involuntaril and tries to retaliate, (just like Toji did several chapters later to stop himself from hurting Megumi/ending his massacre).

They reached for each other, y’all 😭

Again my brain just goes places, and it made me wonder about the soul & body thing. I hope that Geto’s soul is really at the airport, but that there is information carved into the body (like his memories) - if they’re important enough to become instinctual.

It is also, by extension, then possible that... Kenjaku experiences something outside of just thoughts /memories when inside his host...

Just as we see here - yes he does need to keep an eye on the cube, but his expression / reaction to knowing that the girls’ presence are there... addressing them only after the curses have left, and what he says to them, as well as admitting he doesn’t remember what regret feels like -

…and cue an tighter shot of the prison realm (with Gojo’s eyes in the anime depiction) (and interestingly the back of the realm has stitches like Kenjaku’s forehead).

Gege likes to foreshadow and follow up with something significant. So similarly to the above where he sees the girls and acts like he doesn’t give a toss, but is depicted to seem contrary to what he says. Could it also be that it Gojo’s eyes staring that incited the involuntary movement, and the reemphasis of Kenjaku saying he was enjoying the view of seeing Gojo captured - a similar pattern? This old man is just a brain who forgot how to feel?

It begs the question for me: If there was something imprinted within the body that Gojo could call out, what was there?

It remains possible that Kenjaku was simply detached / in denial / ignoring any emotion that arose within from Geto’s body.

Arguably, it is possibly quite characteristic of Kenjaku who was a “mother” and had some motherly instincts remaining, or it could also be seen as an emergence of some sympathy or sadness for the girls that may have come from Geto’s body. I mean, he led Yuji’s friend (Sasaki) out of the culling games, acting like a parent / guardian...

Hmm…

We do not see a physical reaction to any children though; and I guess a situation like that (with the Hasaba girls) in comparison to one that may be filled with adrenaline like a trapped Gojo speaking in that low baritone to him, is inherently different. But regret though? Was it actually a knowing smirk Gege showed us of Kenjaku in front of the prison realm - as if to say he had bested Gojo and Geto? He got his way with the girls too, despite knowing Geto’s feelings?

Or did he simply not recognise it, and it was truly a first for Kenjaku because there normally isn’t something there, but with Geto’s body - something actually stirred / retaliated... because it was Gojo?

I mean, from a neutral perspective, it would seem like the author is shipping them, lol. But I’m not going to lie - we don’t get much honest feedback from Geto about Gojo, so nuggets like those are quite affirming that the connection felt between them was very mutual.

Because if we see how it all began, and note that all Geto wanted to do was to protect those who needed it (even if it was at his personal expense). First it was humans, then Gojo, then sorcerers and then his family too.

And this was born out of the fracture from being unable to be relied upon to kill Toji (avenge Gojo & Riko’s death) or to fight Toji with Gojo, since leaving him alone resulted in getting him killed - which he must’ve believed happened until the point he saw him alive again carrying Riko’s lifeless body...

His connection with Gojo was so strong that (as Gege described it) his body reacted like a dragonfly whose head has been cut off. Something imprinted so deeply in their friendship that it became instinctual - carved into the body - and may not be related to the mind (therefore my avoidance of using the term “subconscious” with pseudoGeto, as it would be Kenjaku’s consciousness).

Moreover, if we take Toji’s resurrection as an example, even in the absence of a soul, the body can still remember and react. In a Geto’s case, where there is a different mind controlling it, for the body is react as separate entity is rather remarkable. I guess by saying this, I’m postulating that I believe body & soul are separate - because, if I’m honest, I want to believe Geto’s soul is with Gojo post-chapter 236.

But. We know there are all of Geto’s memories within the body still after Kenjaku inhabit it. In the absence of the host’s brain. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, Gege - but here we are. And maybe. Emotions too. Or memories of them at the very least. Not that it matters to Kenjaku.

This greatly disturbs me. It’s a level of injustice that also feeds into why I have been avoiding doing metas in Gojo - because his suffering and level of unfairness thrust upon him for simply being “blessed” and resilient just … hurts so bad. I can’t face it just yet.

So what exactly made their connection so profound?

I theorise that Geto interpreted Gojo as wanting to fight alone. That he was in his best element doing so. Kenjaku says this about Gojo too, knowing Geto’s memories.

Short sidenote: Whilst it is true that his technique lends itself better to soloing, I wonder how they might’ve fought together had the Toji incident not occurred. How would they overcome Unlimited Void aside from being back/to-back? Could Geto obtain a curse of his own to swallow him up as protection? No doubt, as a team, Geto’s progression could’ve been exponentially increased due to the number and level of curses available to him with assistance from Gojo. And would Gojo be different and enjoy fighting together had it not occurred? I don’t know, but they do seem to have wanted a connection with one another.

He saw Shoko being asked for help with teleportation. Once upon a time, might it have been him? There was no longer any “we” that he could sense. He didn’t feel there was a use when he had “failed” in so many ways after the failure of the mission and also believing that Gojo died that day and he was unable to avenge him.

The conversation with Yuki all but reinforced his feelings of irrelevance and perceived waste of their sacrifice when tengen was allegedly stable again. Subsequent conversations with Haibara and Nanami seals his skewed belief that he wasn’t needed there. Nanami’s choice of words is very interesting in the original text, implying that “it’s enough for him (Gojo) alone, isn’t it?”. Ref post by @nanami-says who has a nice selection of pieces about translations.

Gojo alone could do it. He could train and ascend all without him; untainted and untethered. His downfall was that he didn’t speak to Gojo. Gojo alone was left out. I mean, just because it suited him doesn’t mean he should be left to do it all...

This is so sad.

He left his heart (Gojo) alone. He also left his own heart alone (never happy from the bottom of his heart). In his descent, he was busy rationalising everything else except getting sad that he felt he’d lost his best friend. Arguably, the most important thing, because it is the scariest things and the things that hurt the most often have the most power / potential to heal.

It is possible he was actively avoiding it. Because, if it was purely about chasing an ideal he could have been drawn to look obsessed with it. Instead he has a sorrowful “I love you so much imma break up with you” face.

Gojo could have been the strength he was seeking if he did indeed want to just eliminate all humans, but he didn’t seek that out because (I theorise) he didn’t want to be outwardly rejected by Gojo.

And thus, he left instead (ugh! you foolish brave coward!) after snapping, and Gojo was left alone to pick up the pieces all by himself in a place haunted with memories of them together.

Just bloody tragic.

And that’s why it was carved into their souls.

In the depths of despair that he was in, could it be that he believed Gojo was better off without him , and in wanting to cradle whatever pride he had left, he sought to build his own temple where he could live in the void of his own making without facing that he had lost everyday?

Gojo could be free to grow and grow and be the strongest and embrace whatever belief system he now held - whether it was borrowed from him or not.

He even goads Gojo into killing him off since there would be meaning to it.

Sigh. Heartbreaking. It wasn’t the best decision. But we know suffering builds character. At least Gege really likes this theme❤️‍🩹.

Why do I believe he yielded though?

Because caring for others comes second nature to Geto. How many times have we seen him make that forlorn face?

Even with the souvenir he requested from Haibara, in the original he phrases it in such a way he implies he isn’t even sure if he’ll see him. “Satoru too; I don’t know if he’ll have some, but I guess, something sweet?” But. He yields to his preference.

There is limited space in his heart, and all he can do is exclude some in order to vehemently love those he can (or deems worthy enough based on his moral system). He didn’t know any other way to exist. Monstrous love. I’m pretty sure someone wrote about it. If I can find it I’ll link it! I call it maternal rage, but it’s a similar concept.

If he had wished to leave without staining Gojo, the absence of a confession of his love at any point also makes sense - like Nanami, he chose his final words carefully - that he hated monkeys (why preface with “no matter what anyone says”) and in a roundabout way, that he djdnt have hate for anyone at the school (can’t he just say he was happiest in those few years?). He wasn’t happy in the world (you can just kill me).

When he saw and felt Gojo’s love - unwavered and unchanged, seeing him having blossomed into someone still so pure - effortlessly righteous, strong, and proud with his army of students who loved each other... did he dare feel absolved? Did he feel like it was worth his defection? Yielded to others? Unable to be selfish? As sad as he was for himself and that his family would be without him and his dream unrealised; Gojo turned out ok.

Suddenly it gave meaning to his perceived sacrifice. It parallels with Toji and seeing Megumi who wasn’t a zenin.

Ah, this makes me mad somehow, but if it helped him pass and have a good death, what can I say? We all need something different at the end of our lives. And it’s important in the Shinto perspective to have a death free of regret in order to live in the space between nowhere/rebirth and earth. I posted about this in another piece too.

And I think that’s also why it was all carved into his body - enough to react to Gojo calling out to him, “Suguru”, despite being inhabited by Kenjaku. And carved into his soul that’s why he waited in the afterlife for Gojo. To be the first to greet him. I want to believe the body and soul are separate. The subconscious may have acted as a bridge between the two, transferring information from the mind / soul into the body.

But of course as a reader we wished it could’ve been a kinder fate for them. But I guess sometimes people have to pay for their sins as well as the sins of others? Life isn’t fair after all…

And arguably, Gojo needed a way to truly sympathise with the weak and how else through loving and losing someone to shape a person’s soul? It was just rather Geto-shaped, as I elaborated on in my other post.

I highly suspect Gojo may have wanted something different - as being born the strongest, he was always going to be the strongest anyway. This came with a burden. Noblesse Oblige. Being the strongest was written into his entire being - mind, body, soul.

And I think this was something they had both respected. I doubt Geto ever thought of himself as a power equal to Gojo, but they had both valued their friendship. Geto was someone who saw Gojo for a person, before the strongest. That’s why when Mimiko and Nanako asked, he was considered thus “my best friend”, and not the latter. Gojo recognised that for what it was, and felt the tender words that showed Care. Consideration. Love.

Gojo may have wanted Geto to lean on him a little. To let himself take the fall. They both didn’t like burdening the other, and after Toji it might just magnified. He wasn’t the type to overthink his role, but wanting to be the strongest (seeing how far he can go) and taking on all the blame was one of the ways Gojo was extremely loving. It was just something he accepted.

I feel like Gojo wanted to be relied upon to do his part; be his best friend, someone he could still love and do the mental and emotional load for him, spoil him a little in return so he could just do his thing as the strongest and train. He needed his other half to help him to do the things he doesn’t like or isn’t good at doing.

I think that as they experienced their bafflingly complementary and reciprocal friendship … before he knew it, all these experiences and emotions shaped him so much that his soul made room for Geto - as the one person who represented fulfilment outside of being the strongest.

Never once did he think he’d lose Geto like he did. He never wanted to be at it alone. Like a lonely army tank whose comrades had left him on the battefield to fight it out on his own.

Ugh, it hurts so bad. He didn’t think Geto was slipping down. Maybe because it wasn’t something he could understand- even more so after the enlightenment incident where a chasm emerged between him and others. Maybe nobody was ever important enough for him to worry or miss if they left.

He nevertheless never deserved to be met with such loneliness and misfortune. He carried the weight of it all, all by himself. I know they both did in their own way, but there is some tragedy to Gojo where he probably wanted or could have had more to fill his life and soul but there was always a chasm or a void that could not be filled because he could not feel understood by anyone since Geto.

How awful it must feel to have to kill someone you treasure.

We have no idea without much insight into his life growing up. Nevertheless, Gojo consistently shielded those he cares about from self-blame even from the beginning where he must’ve known Geto had such inclinations to be stuck in his own head and he tried his best to absolve it and take it upon himself. The priorities of those he cared about became his, provided if he could do it. He protected the students and made light of situations so they could experience their youth. Something he can remember treasuring well into his adult life. His blue spring / best years of his life were deeply etched into his subconscious and soul. It was what he wanted to give his students and reason for reforming the jujutsu world.

But being shielded at that time wasn’t enough for Geto who was experiencing the worst spiral in his life yet. He needed to feel the weight of his responsibility had meaning and a role. In his trauma, grief and denial, he shatters and reaches a point from which he cannot return. He also knows how Gojo defines the weak - tiresome, “lower”, etc. and that could have been another factor that led to his avoidance of him.

I want to really emphasise how I don’t blame any of them. They are not inherently responsible for the other. Arguably, Gojo needed to learn about that pain in order to know what love is. And Geto needed to realise how flawed and unloving his path actually was.

If only they could’ve both had a compassionate mentor who guided them onto the Teacher AU path 😭

In the absence of such a connection etched into his soul, what might Gojo have become? Another Sukuna? I theorised that Geto helped Gojo connect with those “beneath” him in a recent post. I’m not going to repeat that here, but it makes a lot of sense to me that Gojo learned a lot about love through Geto and his own hard work following the numerous hardships he faced as the loneliest strongest of the modern era.

He faced so much in his short life. Being blessed with the six eyes and limitless was a curse in itself. He spent years paying the price for losing his friend, and even had to kill him. How profoundly tragic. He faced loneliness and criticism for finding joy in the only thing that he practically had: jujutsu (yes that kept him one-dimensional, but similar to MeiMei chasing money and several others pursuing strength alone) it was a hefty price to pay. But he was a sorcerer. After all, the only thing he really wanted was to treasure his blue spring and the person associated with it - Geto.

It is poetic that when Gojo died, his soul found its counterpart. He opened his eyes to the person whose presence had etched itself so deeply that he knew Geto in body, mind, soul. Geto was there to greet him with a heartfelt smile (and pout!).

One meeting him at the point of death, and the other, upon death.

Their exchange is really reciprocal here too, with Geto admitting he was envious and Gojo responding in a way where he implies reassurance akin to “I needed you there”. Link to a post on this:

Geto’s little tear in his eye in not one, but two panels as well.

Anyway… then appearing at the airport reminds me of their exchange many years ago “you’re late Suguru - no you’re early.” And “you’re late, Satoru.”

Well, they’re on time now... better not be late for your flight, kids.

And as Kenjaku said to Gojo before sealing him - 「新しい世界でまた会おう」

“let’s meet again in the new world.”

—————————

Sorry, it’s a whopper from me again.

Just some words in an attempt to close this off:

For someone whose emotions guided and drove his rationale, it was ironic how Geto’s body became a puppet for someone like Kenjaku, who was so cerebral (devoid of empathy) befitting of his curse technique to brain-hop. It fits with the jjk theme of being strong in the absence of love, I guess?

Seems fitting that Kenjaku was bested after slipping up when having that good of a time with Takaba. Ironic isn’t it? All those years scheming, only to lose himself for a moment as he indulged in something novel, and he lost to a scheme himself.

And to be killed by Gojo v3.0 (Yuta) who already defeated him once, also as foreshadowed by Gojo before being sealed, on the date he scheduled 24th November.

The parallels don’t end there either, where somehow mahito who stood beside Kenjaku was created to parallel Gojo in some way too (I haven’t quite pondered on this much yet, but I reckon there is something about the thrill in growing exponentially / fighting sense that they share - it might just be that alone or possibly also the juxtaposition of one being human and one a curse? Their reasons for seeking strength?

I dunno - i gather Yuji who also developed exponentially fast and as an anomaly himself may have similarities. And again, as ch 257 leaked, it makes sense and I look forward to finding out what’ll happen to them (seeing as Yuji is kind of sukuna’s son 🤯 if the jjk world considers twin souls to be one soul - papa Yuji is Sukuna’s twin after all) and also Megumi of course.

Just going to wrap up here now, and please feel free to link me up to a post that can enlighten me or drop a comment with any thoughts?

Sorry for a rambling post. I hope it made sense.

For real, real. Thanks for reading my brainrot ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

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k4katsujin · 11 months

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a lonely night (miguel ohara x gn!reader)

‼️ consider this as the second part of the series‼️

disclaimer: it's still an ongoing series and i'll organize it when i will have written more episodes though i don't like the idea of a timeline bc it's like one shots and 🧍🏻‍♀️ idfk bro i js specified for clarity

this is the very first part of my lonely series! idk if i will make this series a miguel x reader only but :> even made my own tag 🦦

part two/one here !

also you don't need to read all the stories to like understand the plot they're js one shots and a good way to cope w my crippling loneliness (this is actually a call for help /srs

Warning: implied suicide (not really because it’s a cliffhanger but it may be triggering to some people idk so I’m still putting a warning.)

Also I’m not really sure abt the “don’t put words in my mouth” bc I’m not a native speaker but in case it isn’t clear I meant that reader basically said “don’t make me say what I didn’t say”

Also 2 there is no mention of gender bc I’m trying my best to like write for my fellow enby pals but jk reader will be fem bodied.

Also 3 I’m asking this once again but please reblog this if you liked it it helps small writers a lot please and fank yew

Also 4 BIG THANKS TO DEEPL WRITE FOR PROOFREADING THIS WHEN I WAS LAZY TO IT MYSELF some AIs need their ass ate fr

(ignore the random ass banner lmao)

You were chilling on a rooftop before you felt a familiar presence.

-What are you doing up this late, carino? Asked the voice.

You didn’t know why neither how, but somehow you instantly knew it was him.

The one who was known to save every universe despite everything.

He sure was a good leader, sometimes he was mean, but it was all for the sake of the many universes he had to protect.

He was a good leader for sure, but a good lover? There’s no way you could count on that.

You loved him very much and you know how painful it was for him to show any kind of affection, but tonight you had too much of holding everything inside.

He put his hands on your waist, sneaking a kiss on your lips before sitting next to you, both your legs dangling in the shining lights of the city.

The weather was cold for a beginning of summer, but it was nothing compared to the cold residing in your heart.

Your relationship was bound to come to an end, and you were here for this end to come.

-Is something wrong my love? Miguel hastened to ask when he noticed your expression was off.

-Do you truly love me? You asked, ignoring his question.

He stiffened at the hearing of your question.

-Of course, why wouldn’t I? he asked worried.

-Listen. I’m going to be straightforward with you. I’m pregnant. And I want the baby to have both parents when they grow up. And I think, with both of us being heroes, this won’t work. Don’t put words in my mouth, I do love you with all my heart and you know it. But I can’t do it anymore. (tears start falling on your cheeks but you continue anyway:) I am grateful for all the things we lived but I think our relationship is meant to end anyway. I’m sorry but I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

You stood at the edge of the building and disappeared in a snap.

-Goodbye, Miguel.

~~~~

You woke up in a hurry, instinctively looking for your husband.

-Is everything ok, my love? Miguel was quick to ask. (he put a hand on your forehead) did you catch a cold or something? You seem to have a fever.

-I’m okay don’t worry! You say with a frank smile. I just had a nightmare but nothing to worry about I promise.

-Mm. If you say so, he said with a tint of doubt in his voice. I’ll stay in bed with you just in case something happens, ok?

Without waiting for your response, he forcefully got into your bed, which made you move.

You inevitably fell into your husband’s arms as he put his arm on your shoulder with your head on his chest, feeling his soft breathing and hearing his heartbeat.

Despite everything, the work he had, the countless nights you spent waiting for him to return home, even wondering if he ever would, the arguments, you were in love with him. And it even if it was hard, he and him only was the one you decided to love.

And that was beautiful.

#kaheri's lonely series #kaheri's chronicles #across the spiderverse x reader #spiderman atsv #atsv x reader #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara #miguel ohara #spiderman across the spiderverse #spiderman 2099 spiderverse #spider man 2099 #spiderman 2099 x reader #x reader #writers on tumblr #queer writers

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book-place · 1 year

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Guilty Conscience

Warnings: tasm spoilers, mention of character death, panic attacks, let me know if I missed any :)

Pairings: Peter Parker x sister reader

Request: Hey, I have a request! who knows a oneshot where Peter Parker's younger sister feels guilty for Uncle Ben's death for having participated in the whole event up close and feeling that she should have done something (even though she is only 12(?) years old and really couldn't have done much about it) and starts to pull away from May and Peter because of this (and also because Peter started acting weird due to his "spider problem") and, after she arrives one day shaken from school due to an anxiety attack related to it all, Peter just tries to reach out and comfort her? (oh and if you can make it be TASM! Peter Parker I would be so grateful lol) Well, I hope you can understand what I mean and my idea itself lol English is not my first language, by the way, so... sorry if I missed a spelling issue or something! ps: I love your oneshots! your writing is really amazing and i'm glad it reached me here from brazil <3

Request by: Anon

*not my gif*

Summary: You’ve never felt more alone then you did after your uncles death

A/N: Hi :)

Please don’t plagiarize my work, you may reblog if you like but I’m asking that you don’t steal my hard work

You rattled off a long sigh, letting your eyes slip up to the building in front of you. The intimidating, cold building stood there like a prison, waiting for its next guilty occupant. In this case, you.

But at the end of the day, it was just a school, and perhaps you were the only one who felt like a prisoner in the place of learning and popularity. You doubted it, though.

As much as you tried to ignore them, it was practically impossible to miss the way people would send you long glances- some with pity, others with amusement- before turning to their friends and beginning whispering to each other. As if you weren’t right there.

Though you had only been pulled out of school for a week, it felt as though it had been an eternity. An endless cycle of pain, guilt, and grief.

The best you could do was act as if you didn’t hear anybody or notice the way students parted in the hallway all around you.

You pretended as if this was just a one day thing, that it would go away as soon as the final bell rang. But you knew that it would last a good month before it fully faded from people’s memories and they stopped caring.

So far, you hadn’t yet figured out if you were longing for or dreading for when that time would come. To finally have people stop making you the center of attention, or to have people forget the reason you hadn’t been in school. The person it was because of. When that time comes, would they forget about him all together? Everybody? Would life just carry on as if he were never there?

You had begged your Aunt May to let you stay out for another week, but she insisted that the best thing that could be done for you was to send you back into the real world. She said that she would be doing it with you, going back to work on the same day.

And though she didn’t say it, you knew that she meant that you had to move on, learn how to live a life without your Uncle Ben. The only father figure in your life. One of the people you loved most in the world. And as of a week ago, the only person you felt like was still on your side.

For some time now, your older brother, Peter, had been distancing himself from not just you, but your entire family as well. And that stung.

The two of you used to be as close as siblings could be, rarely ever arguing, always getting along.

Your aunt always claimed it was the age gap, you being twelve and Peter being seventeen, but you always secretly thought it was because he wasn’t dead set like all the other teenagers at seeming too cool to hang out with their younger sibling. He actually cared about you, and wasn’t afraid to show it.

But then he was distancing himself, and you felt alone.

Sure, you had May, but you had never been as close to her as you were to Ben or Peter.

Though everyone avoided you like the plague, the hallways felt too crowded. Too stuffy. Too loud. Too bright.

You hadn’t even realized how much your breathing had picked up until dark spots had begun to dance in the corners of your vision. Only then did you feel the tight squeeze in your chest and the way your hands were shaking uncontrollably.

It wasn’t until you began swaying back and forth on your feet, stumbling through the hall slightly, did you realize that you really had to get out of there.

No longer caring about the whispers that would go around, you barged into an empty and dark classroom, closing the door behind you just in time for you to lose your balance completely.

Helplessly grasping onto the wall for support, you slipped down until your knees were touching your chest, breathing becoming more shallow and rapid as you gasped for air.

Your hands flew up to your hair and you began tugging at the roots, ignoring the sting that came along with it, the same way you were ignoring the way salty tears had begun to leak out of your eyes and make their way down your face.

That was how you spent the next thirty minutes, rocking back and forth with no thoughts other than everything that had happened to you within the week, everything you had lost, everything that would happen.

-•-

When you had finally managed to calm yourself down, you had decided that staying at school for the rest of the day would be pointless.

So, you slipped out of the building undetected and began your long trek home.

It was what you needed, you supposed, to have the comforting noises of the city drown out all the thoughts in your head.

You of course avoided the streets that reminded you of that night, the very ones that you were also mentally avoiding.

Now your problem has become physical and mental.

By the time you got home, at least half of a school day had passed, but you couldn’t care less.

You quickly shrugged off and discarded your backpack, throwing it down beside your shoes before trudging up the stairs, trying to make a beeline for your room before a voice pulled you from your thoughts.

“Y/n?” Peter asked, peeking his head out from his own room as his eyes widened in surprise at seeing you.

You froze like a deer in headlights under your older brother's gaze. He was supposed to be in school as well.

His eyebrows furrowed, automatically taking in the way your hands were shaking slightly by your sides and your disheveled hair, “What is it? What’s wrong?”

A scoff escaped your lips before you could stop yourself and you rolled your eyes slightly, turning on your heel and stomping the rest of the way to your room.

“Hey- what? Y/n, wait!” He called, pushing off of the wall and scrambling after you, pushing on your door just in time to stop it from slamming in his face.

“Go away, Peter.” You demanded through gritted teeth, not even looking at him as he spoke.

“Not until you tell me what’s going on.” He insisted, brown orbs sweeping over every inch of your face as if that alone would inform him of what he wanted to know, “You can talk to me, Y/n.”

Your jaw clenched as you whipped around to glare up at him dangerously, watching as his eyes widened in surprise at your actions, “That’s rich coming from you.” You hissed.

“Why aren’t you in school?” He continued calmly, not losing his patience with you. He never lost his patience with you.

“Why aren’t you in school?” You shot back, giving up on trying to close the door and turned back into your room, stiffly sitting on your bed with your back against the headboard.

“It was too hard,” He admitted softly, shuffling after you slightly and coming to a halt in front of where you sat.

Despite yourself, your muscles relaxed slightly at his words. You weren’t the only one feeling that way.

Hesitantly, he sunk onto the mattress near your feet, “You’re not alone, Y/n,” He spoke softly, slowly reaching out and grabbing onto your hand, squeezing it lightly.

Angrily, you shook your hand out of his grasp and brought it to your chest, where you crossed your arms.

A flash of hurt went through his eyes at your gesture before he spoke up again, “Please just tell me what’s wrong. I want to help you.”

“You want to help me?” You seethed, something finally snapping inside of you as you sat up on your knees so that you were eye level with him, “Well then where were you last week? Where were you when Uncle Ben died? Where were you as I sat in the middle of the street and screamed for help, to useless to do anything other than that to try and save my uncle?”

By then, tears had once again begun to roll down your cheeks in waves of sorrow, and Peter felt his heart break more than it ever had before.

He had been so caught up in his own grief and everything going on after getting bitten by that spider that he hadn’t even been able to see you, his little sister, only twelve years old, in so much pain.

“I’m so sorry,” He breathed out, tears of his own springing into his eyes as he drew you into his arms and to his chest.

This time, you didn’t fight him as you melted into his hold, grasping onto his shirt tightly as you sobbed along with your elder brother.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” He kept repeating, burying his face in your hair as he spoke, “It wasn’t your fault. I promise you it wasn’t. Okay?”

You nodded against his shoulder, sniffling slightly as you hiccuped a little bit while your tears finally subsided.

“I’ll be better,” He whispered, “I won’t leave you like that ever again, you hear me? I promise.”

Two promises. Two of the biggest ones he possibly ever has or ever will make, but he meant them with every bone in his body.

We Are Groot 🤎- @lovanitu @jvdethirlwall @ineedmorefanfics2 @sambucky8 @spidyyparker @irethepotato @femalemarvelself @mukbee @its-hell @ip747 @i-writes-things @popfishjr @mitsuki-murakami @mythixmagic

#platonic #platonic imagine #x reader #marvel #mcu #teen reader #mcu x reader #tasm peter parker #peter parker x reader platonic #peter parker x reader #peter parker x sister!reader #tasm x reader #tasm x sister reader #tasm x reader platonic #marvel x reader

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yourmisogynistfriend · 8 days

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✨The story behind my blog name✨

Come sit on my lap, sweetie, and let me tell you why I decided to call myself yourmisogynistfriend

Well first it’s because the old name was due to be changed. My previous name was truegirlssftagain. This name originated of my first blog I created at 17, which was named onlytruegirls (yes, I know I was underage when I created this blog, thanks for noticing). I only reblogged pics of hot girls in bikinis or naked. The name was because I wanted to show what true girls were supposed to look like. This was obviously a very restricted point of view, but I was young. Anyway, this concept of « true girl » sticked with me over the years. But at one point I realized it was a little bit cringe and dumb for a blog name. I always tried to not appear as a tumblr dom and this blog name clearly didn’t helped.

So I have been thinking about what my new name could be. I always thought the fact I post very misogynist stuff while being a huge feminist was pretty ironic. Yes, I am feminist. I believe in gender equality, I believe women are equal to men, I get mad every time something happens in the world against women. Anyway, I’m not here to convince you about how feminist I am. But I once remembered an event that happened to me and I thought it was pretty funny.

During a class in uni, we had an activity about history of feminism, the group was split in two based on our last names and my part of the group was made of four women out of 20 people. To talk about feminism… See how ironic this is? Let me tell you that the women of my group, who are personal friends, were not feeling very comfortable to talk among a group of men. Well after the activity, my girl friends told me I was the only man in the group they trusted to not make misogynist comments (and some others really said some borderline stuff). I was the only man they wanted to hear give his opinion on the subject. What came to my mind at this moment is « good thing they don’t know about my tumblr blog! ».

So, let’s get back to when I decided to choose a new blog name. I remembered that moment and was thinking: « I’m actually a real feminist, a man whose presence makes women feel safe, whose opinions about feminism are welcome by women, and yet my blog is about objectifying women ». It’s hell of a duality! I thought it was a good idea to exploit this experience I lived. So I decided the new name will be about the fact that even your feminist friends may be fantasizing about molesting you. Even the most feminist person you know may be daydreaming of legalized rape and free use in public.

I thought about calling my blog yourfeministfriend, because that’s what I am. I am a feminist friend and yet I fantasize about misogyny. But the name was already taken. I decided to call myself yourfeministbuddy, and it worked… for a week. My blog got deleted. I don’t know if it’s just a coincidence or if feminists found and mass reported me. Just in case, I didn’t take any chance and decided my new blog would be yourmisogynistfriend. This way, nobody can report me saying my blog name is a lie, even if the dual effect of my blog name and my blog content is gone.

And yes, one of my girl friends who made that comment about me, who feels safe with me, she’s hot and I’d love to make her choke on my cock and make her my little toy like she’s truly meant to be. But she’ll never know.

Sorry if it’s a long story for your silly little brain, but I think it’s worth the effort of reading it all.

#my stuff #girls’ place

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worm-in-a-trenchcoat · 1 year

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Asking out of curiosity. Do any of you see Twyla as an autism stereotype?

I personally don’t, but I think that’s mainly because she reminds me so much of myself, especially when I was in high school. The childlike voice (which I still have), severe sound sensitivity, love for reading, the over thinking that others don’t need/want your help or input, and honestly just her mannerisms and the way she says things overall.

The only thing I didn’t really relate to was the history special interest, which I’ll get to in a sec.

I can definitely see how these things can be seen as a stereotype, but I don’t think that’s really the case here? Bare with me cause I might not be wording this correctly. But I see Twyla’s autism as more just very specific, not entirely stereotypical.

The whole history special interest thing is definitely a plot device more than anything, seeing how it immediately tied in with Clawdeen’s whole talisman plot. They definitely could have given her something better than that, but again I’m pretty certain that was mainly for the sake of the main plot.

I also think the voice actress (who’s also autistic!) had some input with her character? Don’t quote me on that though, I don’t know how credible my source is for that.

This isn’t meant to cause a debate or argument!! We all have our opinions and the they’re all 100% valid.

I’m just genuinely curious to see what others think as I’ve seen posts from a couple people afraid to voice “negative” opinions on Twyla’s character in fear of backlash.

Feel free to reply in the reblogs, comments or you can reply anonymously in my asks if you want!

#monster high #monster high critique #twyla boogeyman #monster high gen 3 #forgive me if I didn’t make sense at some parts #I just got off work a little bit ago and my brain isn’t braining correctly #actually autistic

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tarotofzhivasmoon · 6 months

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Pick a photo reading.

Why is your person so drawn to you?

Pause and take a big breath in, then choose the photo you feel the most drawn to🦋

Pile 1

Your person is so drawn to you because they feel as though meeting you was fated, it was almost like ‘meant to be’, meant to happen, it was something that the two of you couldn’t have really avoided like it would happen in a case of just things just happening by chance. The two of you actually have some ties that kept pulling the two of you together and they believe these ties already have a tint of love from before even meeting you. They do feel the love here, their hearts is full of it and they really would only think to themselves that they don’t know why they’re so drawn to you, that they have no idea why they can’t really stop thinking about you, why you just are this perfect being in their eyes no matter what quirks or insecurities you’re battling with and what those make you show up as. There have also been intuitive messages or even from their own spirit guides that have told them repeatedly through dreams or other intuitive messages that the two of you have something here that it’s going to become a really good and positive thing in the end, with so much opportunity to learn, grow and change and they have listened to that message and they seem to be carrying it in their hearts all the time when their ego tries to get in the way. Things are just clear on their end, they kind of already know and they aren’t willing to change their minds about it, that the two of you are meant to be together, that you are the one for them and what you have here between you two is just pure love. They might say or think things like “I have never felt this way for anyone before” and they seem to be really enjoying what the two of you have, wholeheartedly. You have a really sexual and sensual energy about you as well, there is something about the way you smile, the way that you bring yourself into the world in a really authentic way that just keeps them drawn to you, wanting to be a part of you because it’s not necessarily that sexual energy that others might think of, wanting to engage in it and wanting to satisfy physical needs, it’s deeper than that, it’s a strong sensual energy that just electrifies the ones that are in contact with it, it’s about how you look at them, the way your eyes move around, how your entire face lights up, the cues that your being sends their way through smell, touch, sound and even visual stimulation, everything seems to be so pure and so comforting to them and they simply don’t want to let it go. They want to take time to learn more about you, to have conversations with you that go really deep into who the two of you are, bust mostly you and who you are because this person talks about you a lot with other people, they are so passionate about you and about having you in their lives that they can not stop sharing with the world how much you mean to them and how much they appreciate you.

The extended, full reading is available to read on Patreon. Thank you so much for your support💗

Heart and reblog this post if it resonated with you🦋

Pile 2

Your person is drawn to you because you make them want to better themselves and change completely for the better, becoming someone who they thought they would never be even though they wanted to become that person a long time ago. It’s almost like they changed from being aloof and cool to being more open minded ever since they have met you because throughout all their life they have been wearing a mask, one that was meant to protect them from the world, one that simply created a shield that they needed to survive and you have been bringing them out of this lonely and isolating mental and emotional prison that they have been living in throughout their entire lives. You did really inspire a lot of hope in them, they have stopped pretending being someone they really aren’t and they have been feeling as though they got support into the process of transformation that they thought was hard to do on their own. It’s like they have been spending all that time by themselves, trying to make the most out of it because they didn’t think it was possible to just receive and experience better things, they were kind of accepting what life was offering them instead of taking charge over their own lives. When you showed up in their life, they started receiving a lot, they started to have all of these beautiful experiences they never thought they would have because they just accepted the fact that they won’t, that it was impossible for them and you showed them that it wasn’t, in fact, impossible. They were not taking care of themselves as much, they were a subject that was not in control over their own lives, but their life was in control over them and everything that happened either made them feel better or worse and it continued to perpetuate that idea and mindset of failing and of helplessness that was just so overwhelming. They truly needed someone like you in their life and frankly, they have been calling you in, trying to manifest you or even visualize and wait for someone they could feel is their soulmate, someone who would help them get out of their own misery and someone who would be just as giving, as kind, as loving as they were because they were that person for everyone else. When one is lonely, they try to do everything in their power for other people to notice them, they try to help and be for others what they didn’t have themselves and that gave them purpose, that made them feel valuable and like they were actually doing something good, not realize that it was due to that isolation that they felt so stuck in but also due to not believing that they can actually experience that.

The extended, full reading is available to read on Patreon. Thank you so much for your support💗

Heart and reblog this post if it resonated with you🦋

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ladyknightskye · 10 months

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I’m going to note that in regards to Crab Day I -

Am participating because it is the kind of unhinged shenanigan I expect from Tumblr.

Do not expect it to “dig Tumblr out of debt” though I would argue that the people saying Tumblr can get help from the parent corp forget that in this capitalist hellscape a company that needs a bailout that isn’t growing in some other manner is considered a failure and must be fixed (why do you think we have Tumblr Live yall?)

Am aware that a bunch of the vocal proponents are apparently people I’d block because of rhetoric but this is a case of “oh no the worst person you know has a good idea.”

Am aware that I could give this money to a charity but have decided to instead use it for fun and to make my moots smile for a day. Also I beg people who don’t want to participate to you know, give the 3 bucks to charity and leave participants alone about it. This is the same sort of guilt tripping that turns a poor person buying a small Starbucks as a treat into the “reason why you’re poor!” It is not a crime to use my hard earned money for a little selfish stuff now and again. It’s not like all of us are billionaires blowing money on yachts guys.

Am choosing to give it to Tumblr because y’all, I’d rather them think that selling me stupid little micro transaction badges is better than, I dunno, trying to become Twitter, Tiktok, or Facebook 2.0 (have I mentioned the hellishness of Tumblr Live?)

Have I also mentioned it’s fun and if you don’t want to or can’t give your money to Tumblr you don’t have to? Let the rest of us have some fun. If you wanna participate, reblog crab memes or make crab art. Ask to receive crabs! Laugh at the stupidity of it all and enjoy the newest batshit Tumblr Holiday.

Do remember that @staff are a bunch of inmates running the asylum and they answer to their overlords. I refuse to bitch em out over feature that they are being forced to introduce.

Have I mentioned this is gonna be fun? It’s meant to be fun.

#silliness #ladyknightrambles #crab day

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kyluxtrashpit · 22 days

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Sooo, I’m not sure if this will make you feel any better about the whole poll drama disappointment, but I thought I’d let you know where I think some of this may have originated from and why I think the bots rumor started rather than there actually being bots (though I will get to that too).

(as a disclaimer: I’m speaking only from what I’ve seen from my neck of the (kylux) fandom woods; there could absolutely be other people involved that I’ve simply seen nothing from)

A person, who happens to ship kylux but has promoted to all fandoms with that character, has been having fun with the ‘hottest SW man poll’. They’ve been reblogging links to it along with entertaining little edits to promote their favorite character with the hope of getting people to take part in the vote. Now obviously they’re voting for that character themself, but anyone who happens to see the post are no more obligated than anyone else who reblogs/sees the poll to vote for that person’s preference. (I’m a kyluxer too, and I love both of them, but despite the promotions I still didn’t vote for him because that’s not my opinion for ‘hottest SW man’) And I don’t know about you, but I’m sure there have been many people, myself included, who have voted in a poll someone they follow reblogged for something that person liked and, despite not having a stake in it personally, cast said vote in deference to them. I’m sure that happened in some cases with this situation, however I’m also sure part of what happened is that fans who’d have otherwise never seen the poll were able to cast their vote (I’m in this category as I don’t follow these sorts of blogs at all), as well as – because it was put out in a fun, silly way – led them to vote when they might not have cared to bother otherwise.

Now, I do agree it’s kinda stretching the general spirit of these polls, however what they’ve been doing is only really different in that they’ve been adding character edits along with multiple reblogs in an attempt to make it a silly little attention-grabbing promotion thing rather than merely a reblog or two of the poll. Again, I do think it’s been a bit much, but I will say I can appreciate the enthusiasm of someone who thought they were having fun in their fandom with a simple ‘for fun’ fandom related poll. Another consideration to make is that this person might be new to these things (and/or tumblr in general), which could be a reason for it as well. Plus, different people are going to react to and participate in things in different ways, and sometimes those ways differ from the norm enough to cause a stir despite no ill will or actual ‘rule breaking’ meant.

Nevertheless, that isn’t botting. I can see why people might feel it’s a little unfair even if it’s only exaggerating behavior people already naturally have with polls. I can also certainly understand why it could lead to some people getting rubbed the wrong way and then feeling upset, thus further leading to a sense of drama and subsequent botting rumors (and the origin person being a kylux shipper leading to the kylux fandom as a whole being scapegoated). But still, that’s not the same as botting. In the end, neither you nor anyone else are obligated to no longer be upset simply because of this explanation. That’s your right and you don’t have to like this any more than genuine botting, I just wanted to clarify a potential source.

However, if there IS real botting, that’s indeed an absurd thing for someone to be doing for a simple poll. Perhaps someone got out of hand because of the above person’s promoting; perhaps it’s just a rumor started because some people simply weren’t expecting the character to receive enough votes to persist in the poll – and hey, everyone’s got their own preferences and opinions on ‘hotness’, but the fact a character some don’t think should be lingering over others has endured so long doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a conspiracy. Of course, I’m sure there are people who also have their own opinions on what might constitute ‘botting’ and have considered what I described to be in that category. Which is totally fine too. I personally disagree, but that’s merely my opinion and no one else has to accept it. For the most part, I merely believe this was a situation that got a little out of hand and led to a bit of drama that’s now negatively painting people who meant no harm – because it IS just a fun little fandom poll.

As for the numbers bumping in seemingly large chunks upon refreshing (I don’t even know how you could see individual numbers for an individual character???), I can only guess at how these polls bring in the numbers in order to calculate percentages, both continuous and final. Is it in delayed chunks? Is it really one by one by one exactness??? Perhaps a combination of both, somehow??? While on your end it might appear to be an immediate change after your vote (so a one by one idea), upon a refresh it might ACTUALLY be registering assorted votes in collected chunks, altering the newly refreshed percentage in a way that might seem huge based on what it was before/after your vote, but actually isn’t due to a collected recalculation of ALL new votes. And by individual character numbers, I’m not talking about that character's percentage, which is a percentage of a whole being recalculated upon that refresh. A whole which shifts percentages up and down throughout as the vote total increases regardless of minutes or hours. For a long-term example: he could be at a 13% high at one point because a number of that character’s voters voted around that time, heightening his numbers amongst the pool of votes, then a few hours later is at a 5% low because even more overall votes have come in since and his were few to none, and then later up to 9% as another batch of his voter’s participated. These ‘batches’ ostensibly have more to do with time zones/people online seeing the poll post and not botting. And in the short term you can apply this concept but with the ‘batches’ being overall votes that happen to have some chunks for that character mixed in.

Honestly, I don’t know if any of that is fully true or not; I’m just going off general observation of the polls and vaguely educated(?) guesswork. I could be totally wrong and that stupidly long paragraph is nonsense. Really this whole seemingly suspicious numbers thing is something I’d not seen or heard about at all until your post, so...I’ve no idea there. If botting is happening, and someone did get out of hand with this, I think it’s likely piggybacking off this above person’s attempt at fun engagement, thus tainting and casting blame on said person and, in particular, their ship fandom (which is quite unfair as not all his fans come from kylux, or even from pairings to begin with). And if there isn’t botting and it’s all a misunderstanding, then it’s still doing that to this person and the kylux fandom because of people’s upset and blame shifting onto the biggest pairing he’s in. Either way, it’s just a really unfortunate turn of events. (of course, I’m still merely speaking from my neck of the woods, there could be other stuff going on outside it that I don’t know anything about.)

In short, I suppose I just wanted to say: hey, it’s sad to see you (and others) feeling upset or disheartened by potential botting in a simple SW fandom poll with the potential origin being a kyluxer, and maybe this could help at least give you a different viewpoint and understanding of what might be going on behind the scenes. Still, yet again, neither you nor anyone else has to care about or agree with anything I’ve said, I simply felt a desire to do so as a follower of you, awareness of this poll, and a kyluxer myself.

So first off, I do appreciate your thoughtful response! And I'll clarify a bit on what I was talking about and why I made the statement. Now I will admit that I do not have 100% concrete proof of anything, what I have is my own observations, those observations confirmed by others, plus some information that is admittedly rumour, but is from people I trust who aren't the type to start shit and wouldn't say anything unless it was something they'd personally seen or had no reason to doubt

And I don't think recruiting friends outside the fandom to vote is botting or any other kind of cheating - it's not, everyone does that, I don't think that's an issue at all and is within fairness. What I'm talking about is actual botting, using fake accounts to vote. Which, if you have either the programming know how or a bit of money to pay for a bot that's pre-made, is a lot easier than people think it is. I know how one could do it manually, but I do not know enough about programming to automate it (and I won't explain how, because then it might give more people ideas lmao). I don't think this is widespread either, like one single person with the know how can 100% make hundreds accounts and have them vote within a few minutes. And, if they've ever botted a poll before, it's even faster because the accounts may have already been made

So it started with me watching the poll near the end (I voted within the first couple hours of it being posted, but I was curious how it would turn out). I refreshed with 45-60 minutes left and saw 'oh Hux is gonna lose, okay, too bad but it is what it is' because he was at ~8% and the next lowest was Anakin, who was just under 12%. As the time ticked down, I refreshed again and saw a sudden shift, which surprised me. At that point, I started refreshing every minute or so because it kept going, every refresh was a big jump even at that frequency. Within less than 10 minutes (I don't recall the exact timeframe, but it was very fast, too fast), the total vote count had increased by about 300 or so and I watched it surge with every refresh. The vast majority of these votes, if not all of them, were for Hux as his percentage was the only one that increased significantly (the rest increased by less than a full percentage point, if they didn't decrease)

So while you can't see how many votes went for each person, polls do have the total vote count at the bottom and you can see the percentages, so you can tell if there's a sudden increase in overall votes and if those affect on particular vote choice more than any other. Which is why I found this suspicious because that many votes, that quickly, overwhelmingly for one option, it's highly unlikely it was done by real humans. Plus, we've all seen what happens with big polls both here and on twitter - people have literally paid like $200 to bot polls before and it seems sadly to just be becoming something people do

After I saw that jump, I went and talked to some friends in a private discord we use for chatting and some of them, too, had been watching the poll and having similar suspicions to myself. A more tech-savvy one said this is the kind of increases that are consistent with the use of bots. A couple of people also mentioned they had heard people talking about botting, but weren't sure if that was a joke or not (and it may have been, even if there was botting, it may not have been these people). I can't reveal much more without compromising the identities of my friends, who didn't want to speak out about their suspicions because they don't want to get targeted or anything. I am far beyond caring about that lmao, so I chose to say something about it because idk this kind of thing just really irritates me and as a kyluxer for a very long time, I feel like it's the duty of people in a fandom to call out bad behaviour of our fellows in a rational, non-harassing way

Now, again, I admit none of this is concrete proof. And if I'm wrong and everything was above board and someone did manage to conjure a few hundred people all at the same time at the last minute, well, that's genuinely miraculous like unbelievably so lmao, so good for them. If so, I'll rescind the post, apologize, and go back to having fun. But from the pov of statistics, what I saw myself, what my friends saw, and the added rumours, like. I have to say that actual botting seems far more likely to me. You're welcome to disagree, or think this isn't enough evidence to say it for sure happened, but I wanted to say something regardless because if someone is botting, or even just thinking about it, maybe pointing it out will shame them into stopping so we can go back to having fun

I hope you're right and it wasn't happening, and hell, it may not have even been a kyluxer if it was (there are non-kylux Hux fans out there), but I just find it hard to believe it wasn't happening at this point between what I saw, what others saw, and what I heard. And I think it's better to point out fandom bad behaviour than let it continue unchecked. I refuse to let that kinda shit happen if I can do something about it

#I hope this makes sense #like yes it's rumour but it's also based on my own and others' observations too #and I think occam's razor is sadly pointing to botting rather than the alternative #but I'm just presenting the information I have - if it's wrong I will always admit that #I do appreciate the discussion though #ask tag #anon #text #long post

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