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becca-e-barnes · 4 months

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As a romantic, sentimental shit, I decided to add a little spin off to the Moving In series.

While I'm not a huge fan of Christmas, Christmas Eve always felt really special to me. Christmas Eve traditions in our family have changed a lot over the years but I'm really excited to start my own! I've been trying to imagine what my perfect Christmas Eve would be like next year and it'd be pretty damn close to this.

If you celebrate it, have a lovely Christmas tomorrow! If you don't, I hope you have a wonderful day!

There's no way to keep the cat off the twinkling fairy lights on the tree. You've tried every trick the internet could offer but nothing stops her; except her own sleepiness.

After a long afternoon fighting the lights (and losing), she's curled up in the armchair, peacefully sleeping.

The tree is safe.

For now.

"Your fluffy murderer is asleep." Bucky hums contentedly, pulling you impossibly closer to him on the sofa.

"Good." It's about time. Even the TV playing Olaf's Frozen Adventure doesn't seem to be disturbing her and she loves that movie.

You're surprised the heat hasn't knocked Bucky out yet. Between your body heat, the matching pyjamas you're both wearing and the glowing embers of the fire, you're surprised he's not asleep too.

"What's Santa bringing tomorrow?" Bucky teases, running his hand from your hip to your waist, slipping his hand under you top and letting it rest there.

"I don't know! Hopefully the stand mixer I asked for... Maybe some baking supplies... Some cat treats maybe." You smile at the thought and feel Bucky laughing against your back.

"That cat of yours has not made it onto the Nice List, sweetheart. No chance. Santa won't be visiting her." His lips are curled into a smile as they drift from your collar, up the back of your neck.

"She's been good the rest of the year. She's only been naughty since I put the tree up." You feel like you have to protest on her behalf, even though you know Santa will be bringing her plenty of cat treats.

"So there's hope for you too then if that's how Santa works. If he excuses short bursts of naughtiness, you might still make it." His hand trails its way back to your hip, slipping just under the waistband of your pyjama shorts.

"I've been good this year and you know it!" You tease, pressing your ass back against him.

"Oh see no, this is naughty." Bucky corrects you, kissing your neck with a little more pressure.

"I don't think so. You seem to like it so this is me being nice." You wiggle your ass against the front of his pyjamas, enjoying the evidence of his interest.

"Don't argue sweetheart, that'll put you firmly on the Naughty List." He knows you hate reasoning like that.

"Well, if you've been so good this year, what's Santa bringing you?"

There's a short pause but the kissing over your neck doesn't stop.

"I don't know... I don't need anything." He didn't ask you for anything for that same reason. "I have everything I need here."

"That's gross. Grow up." You know he can't see the way that made you smile so you're free to affectionately bully him for saying it.

"You're so right." He laughs, somehow shuffling even closer to you.

"I'm sure if I got down on my hands and knees in front of the tree and looked right in at the back, I could find a gift with your name on it." You go back to rubbing your ass against his crotch, tempting him to escalate.

"Sweetheart, that view alone would be enough of a gift." He's got a special way of making you feel like a temptation, without ever objectifying you. God, he's wonderful. "But I want to see that pretty face. I want to lay you down under your tree and unwrap my gift properly."

"Unwrapping your gift early will put you on the Naughty List!" You try to feign disgust at the very suggestion but really, that's all you want.

"Then I'll be the happiest man on the damn Naughty List this year." He laughs, scooping you up and laying you down on the plush carpet.

"You're more of a terror than the cat." You giggle before his lips are pressed to yours, kissing you with an intensity you really quite enjoy. His tongue slips past your lips, rubbing against your own and it's almost dizzying to start so intensely.

Your fingertips dig into his broad, muscular back and shoulders. It's easy to let need cloud your brain and he doesn't seem to mind as he sheds his pyjama top.

"We aren't matching anymore." You smile, reaching for the bottom of your own top, pulling it off in one swift motion.

"Excuse me. You're unwrapping my present for me." Bucky pretends to be horrified but your decision has its perks. He's now got full access to your breasts and it's like Christmas came early for him.

He wastes no time, sucking and kissing and licking your breasts. His tongue flicks over your stiff nipples, enjoying the way the sensation makes you squeal and writhe under his mouth.

"Bucky... Please." You whine after a while, desperate for him to move on.

"Someone's needy." Bucky smiles, raising an eyebrow before he reaches down to remove the bottom half of your pyjama set.

Fuck, he's not wrong. His fingertips trail against your sex, checking to see whether you're as aroused as you sound and he's almost surprised to find you are.

"God, you're so wet. I'm going to make this pretty little pussy gush for me." He slips a thick finger into you, followed by a second and he's thrilled to realise you'll be able to take him already. He can take the edge off for you now and then take his sweet time licking his own load out of your fluttering cunt once he's given you what you need.

"Please." You whimper, noticing he's offered you nothing awfully useful. He hasn't curled his fingers to stroke your walls, he hasn't moved at all actually.

"I wanted to take my time with you." Bucky begins, removing his fingers and taking off his pyjama bottoms. "But that's not what you want right now, is it?"

You shake your head, giving in to your own desperation freely, knowing he'd want you to be honest.

"That's okay, sweetheart. Let's take good care of you." The residual heat of the fire warms your bare skin as Bucky arranges your thighs, settling himself between your legs.

"Good girl." Bucky hums, dragging his thick, bare cock through the evidence of your arousal, coating himself in the slick mess between your legs. "So pretty for me."

He watches the way your body accommodates him so willingly and your whines remind him not to keep you waiting.

His thick, leaking tip presses to your entrance and the feeling of him sliding into you is breathtaking. It always is.

Both of you stop breathing for a few short seconds until he's slid the whole way home, buried as deep inside you as your bodies will allow.

"Hey, look at me." Bucky whispers, holding the side of your face gently with one hand, making you realise you'd closed your eyes.

"You're so beautiful, you know that?" He begins to pull back slowly before pressing back in, setting a slow rhythm.

If feels wrong not to tell him the same. It's wrong not to tell him how wonderful you think he is. It's not fair to let the moment pass without mentioning that you love getting to do this with him and be vulnerable but still feel safe. You love having him in your space and spending time together and getting to enjoy these tender, intimate moments at the most random of times. But those aren't thoughts for now. Those are thoughts for when you're both fully satisfied and cuddling together, breathless and tired and entirely aglow on this same carpet later this evening.

That feels right.

"You are the most incredible man I've ever met." You reply instead, tugging gently on his soft, dark hair to pull him into a kiss.

You hear him groan against your lips, offering the same intensity as before. He speeds up his thrusts to match his mouth, sliding in and out of you with purpose and a delightful need to spill his release into you as he's coaxing yours from you.

"Play with yourself." His instruction is clear and driven by his own need. He needs to feel you cum before he can allow himself to do the same and his orgasm really seems to have snuck up on him.

Your hand slips between your bodies with a practiced ease, finding the little bundle of nerves between your legs, rubbing it in tight circles.

"Good girl. Fuck, I wish you knew how you feel. So wet and soft and warm." He hasn't taken his eyes off your face and that only lets you see how pleasure is evident all over his. He's almost overwhelmed and it's so lovely to watch.

"Fuck, I'm so close." You whine, begging him not to change a single thing. Not his pace, not his angle, nothing. This is perfect.

"Cum for me, sweetheart. Go ahead, I'm right behind you. I've got you."

The release is all consuming for a good few seconds, your body fluttering and twitching, milking Bucky's from him and he so willingly gives it to you. He groans gentle praises as he works both of you through your highs, taking every ounce of pleasure he can get from you while giving you as much as possible.

When your peak and his have both subsided, he slips out of you, giving himself a second to catch his breath.

"If you weren't on the Naughty List before, you definitely are now." You giggle, kissing his forehead repeatedly.

"I'm just getting started." He smiles, kissing your lips before moving down your body to kiss between your thighs.

#Bucky Barnes x reader smut #Bucky Barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #becca writes spice #Olaf's Frozen Adventure is a top tier Christmas movie and I will hear NO SLANDER #We weren't allowed to watch Christmas movies growing up #so I might watch the Grinch for the first time tonight #I sat for hours last night and did a lovely set of Christmas nails #with little handpainted intricate snowflakes #and I'll have to take the nails off on Wednesday morning to go work in the coffee shop :(#I did ask Santa for a stand mixer so cross your fingers for me

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essenceeater · 6 months

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"You're ridiculous, I love it." Hanzo Hasashi x GN!Reader.

"I don't see the asks button so I would like to politely request for some goofy ahh Scorpion Hcs because I’m amazing 😘😘😘"

WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME MY REQUESTS WERE OFF?? I SWEAR I TURNED THEM ON. Anyways a lovely fic for my friend @krysphycookiez this is specifically MK11 Hanzo. I hope you enjoy this. This is a mix of romantic and goofy headcanons with a small oneshot. The reader and Hanzo are married cause I said so. -Chaos

Characters: Hanzo Hasashi/Scorpion

Triggers: None that I can think of? Lmk if anything should be tagged here. It's Mortal Kombat, you know what to expect ig?

Requested: Yes

🔓Requests are open at the moment🔓

Link to rules

🔥Hanzo Hasashi, is known for his strong and complex personality. He's a very passionate man, but he's a little goofy when it's just you around.

🔥 Hanzo is fiercely loyal, and in a relationship, he would prioritize his partner's safety and well-being. He'd go to great lengths to protect them. He's seen things he doesn't want you to witness, it would break his heart honestly.

🔥Despite his combat prowess, Hanzo is a terrible cook. GOD AWFUL. His attempts at making a simple sandwich often lead to hilarious disasters in the kitchen. YOU'D THINK FOR BEING ABLE TO CONTROL FIRE HE'D BE PERFECT BUT NO. He's not allowed near ANY kitchens.

🔥 Y'know his friendship finisher? He has a hidden collection of cute plush toys, which he claims are "for training purposes only." He cuddles with them when no one is around. One time you walked in and he was in a huge pile of these plushies, to which you got dragged down into.

🔥Outside of his usual outfit I feel like he dresses like a homeless man 🧍‍♂️

🔥I feel would keep an air of mystery around him, making his partner curious about his past and his fire like abilities. He wouldn't want to involve you in the past even if he's still clinging to it.

🔥Despite this his fiery nature would translate into a passionate and intense love. He'd express his feelings with great emotion.

🔥YOU GET FLOWERS EVERY MONTH BUT SOMETIMES THE STEMS ARE A BIT BURNT.

🔥Despite his agility and combat skills, Hanzo is notoriously clumsy in his everyday life. He often trips over his own feet, slips on banana peels, and crashes into things when not in battle. Imagine you watched him fight someone with no problems, he turns to give you a kiss or something like that and he trips over nothing.

🔥Being serious for a moment, I feel like he will definitely train his partner. God forbid he's not around to defend you and something happens, he doesn't want history to repeat itself.

"My love what are you doing?"

The Earthrealm's warriors were used to the relentless training, the brutal battles, and the life-or-death scenarios. But there was one thing they couldn't quite wrap their heads around Hanzo's newfound obsession: cupcakes.

You were lounging in the living room of your shared home, scrolling through your tablet when you heard an unusual sound coming from the kitchen. Following the curious noise, you discovered your husband furiously whisking a bowl of batter, his mask hanging by his side as if it was just another day at the bakery he doesn't work at.

"What's going on here?" you asked, trying to stifle a laugh as you watched him struggle with a mixer.

Hanzo looked up, his fiery gaze locking onto you but he looked like a dear in headlights. "I have discovered the art of cupcakes," he declared, his voice as serious as ever.

You couldn't help but burst into laughter. "Honey, you're not allowed in the kitchen but you're making cupcakes?"

"Yes," he replied, determination in his eyes. "I was bored..." He mumbled as an excuse, but just the other day you and a friend were talking about wanting cupcakes.

Scorpion continued to wrestle with the mixer as you decided to step in. Gently taking the mixer from his hands with a soft chuckle. Together, you managed to create a lumpy cupcake batter that was a mix of all sorts of ingredients he had found in the kitchen. There were sweet and savory items like ketchup, chocolate chips, and even some mysterious spices. Did you know that? Absolutely not, is that for the better? You'll find out.

With a wink, you handed Hanzo a tray of cupcake liners. "Time to get these in the oven."

He nodded, but then his gaze fell upon the oven as he frowned. "How do I make it... bake with love?" he asked, looking genuinely puzzled. Causing you to giggle in amusement, causing him to break his confused mask he put up and laugh with you.

You smiled and set the oven to the right temperature. As you popped the tray into the oven. Hanzo stepped back, his memory flooding with flashbacks to the last time he used the oven.

A few minutes later, you were both treated to the smell of something that was part chocolate chip cookie, part ketchup-flavored cupcake wafting from the oven. You couldn't help but exchange a look and burst into laughter once again.

Your husband, however, couldn't go back to being serious, he was smiling like a child. "We shall call these 'Kombat Kupcakes,' a deadly delicacy," he announced with pride.

As you both sampled the cupcakes, your taste buds were assaulted by a strange combination of flavors. They weren't the best cupcakes, but there was no denying the effort Hanzo had put into making them.

And in that moment, you couldn't help but think, "You're ridiculous, Hanzo, but I love it."

As the two of you sat there, munching on the bizarre creations, you realized that even a fearsome fire bending ninja like Scorpion had a goofy and endearing side, one that you cherished above all else.

"You're still not allowed to use the kitchen."

"Oh come on I'm not a child!"

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indulgentandidiotic · 1 year

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TWST w/ an MC Who Bakes Them Homemade Sweets! (Housewardens excluding Leona)

Warnings: Mentions/implications of DISORDERED EATING in Riddle and Azul's parts.

GN! Reader

Synopsis: You bake them sweets!

Riddle Rosehearts:

* Riddle is a huge fan of sweets! Especially tarts, custards, and all things strawberry~ !!

* So, if you ever came up to him bearing desserts of this nature, he’d be ecstatic! Though, if you gave him sweets briefly after his overblot incident, I imagine the extremely strong influence his mother had on him may make him a bit reluctant about accepting them (I’m still haunted by that scene where she described the nutritional contents of Riddle’s “birthday cake”. He doesn’t need to hear that!!!)

* Another thought that comes to mind… Perhaps Riddle has had a fairly weird relationship with food. Is it possible that shortly after Riddle enrolled at NRC, he had trouble deciding what would be best to eat? Would he have also been tempted or uncomfortable watching other people enjoy eating whatever they wanted, along with seeing the abundant presence of sweets in the area? How did he manage Unbirthday Parties up to this point when mostly all they served were candies, pastries, cakes, and sweets?

* Though, if you gave him sweets a significant while after his overblot, when he has gotten significantly better, I imagine he’d still be very happy and grateful, but less apprehensive about accepting your kind gesture.

** Rushing around the room, you hurriedly scooped the whipped cream into the piping bag from the mixer and grabbed your dessert box and ribbon at the edge of the counter- squeezing the cream onto the smooth top of the custard tart and carefully positioning the fresh strawberries upon the fluffy cream. Then, you sprinkled a light dusting of powdered sugar on top, thus making this strawberry tart sweet enough to give someone diabetes.

And after boxing and tying the tart up in a shiny red ribbon, you flew out of the Ramshackle kitchen and through the front door and sprinted towards Heartslabyul. …

*** Riddle looked to you in surprise. Really? That beautiful tart is for him, you say?

* “Th- thank you, Y/N! This looks absolutely delicious. Oh? You made it yourself?! My, that’s amazing.” Riddle graced you with a small smile, gazing at the tart lovingly. You think you might’ve even seen a few tears well up in his eyes…

Suffice to say, Riddle was extremely happy with your thoughtful gift and praised you endlessly on the taste. It was as if you imbued magic into the tart to make it sparkle in the light and taste heavenly. Honestly, you think the only other time you’ve seen him smile this hard is when he ranked #1 in every single one of his classes a while back.

… Sometimes… Riddle requests you to help tr*y out with baking for the Unbirthday Parties. Between you and me, I think Riddle asks this because he likes your sweets better than tr*y’s. And though tr*y is kinda mid, you agree. I mean, how could one ever say no to Riddle?

Azul Ashengrotto:

* Why…. Why would you do this to him…. He’s trying to keep track of his calorie intake, isn’t he?

* So, you and Azul often have study sessions together. Both of you are very smart and wonderful individuals, and you…. being the angelic lovely soul that you are, like to bring snacks to those sessions. Cue you baking perfect macarons of varying shades for normal study days, piping buttercream frosting onto fluffy cupcakes for testing weeks, and making soft and warm mini waffles for early morning sessions.

* Azul… absolutely adores you, he does! You’re nice to him, you listen to him, you help him out, and you genuinely want to spend time with him! But… and while he loves your sweets, as well, you’re really just breaking his dieting.

* Depending on how much he eats of your scrumpdiddliumptious treats and his mood, he either feels like treating today as a cheat day/deserved dessert or as a crime against his body.

* Though, because it’s you, perhaps he can eat a little more. You are a good baker. .. Maybe you should work at the Mostro Lounge. Here, Azul’ll sign a deal with you~!

** “Are you ready for today’s session?” Azul asked, smirking at you as he plopped a hot stack of papers, books, and study guides onto one of the Mostro Lounge tables. Eyeing the stack wearily and warily, you nodded, also setting your ‘stack’ of sweets onto the table.

You two were studying for the semester exam later that week, and with Grim’s grades, you were sure to get the highest score you could to prevent your average from getting pulled down by Grim.

** As you sat down at the table and got out your pen and notebook, you picked up one of the rich chocolate cupcakes from your stack. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Azul grimace. With a mouthful of delicious, moist, fluffy cake, you asked Azul if he wanted any- and with a shake of his head, he replied, "Oh no. I couldn’t.”

** You: “Why not?”

** Azuzu: “You know, I- I just don’t think that much sugar’s good for me…”

*** And with that, your eyes lit up. “Well, Azul… I actually tried some new recipes that reduced the sugar and calorie amounts. And besides, it’s scientifically proven that eating sweets increases focus. I know even you can’t get perfect grades without studying, so why not increase your studying power with a snack?”

Azul stared at you. “You tried a new recipe?”

“Yeah! Especially for you! I know you like sweets, and I know you can be pretty conscious about calories and stuff.. so I… I just wanted to help you be able to eat a lot of yummy stuff without worrying as much about sugar and things…”

At this point Azul wasn’t looking at you anymore. From this angle you could maybe see a faint blush and ghost of a smile as Azul looked at his open textbook. And… possibly with a slight quiver in his voice, you heard Azul ask… “You did this for me?”

You rolled your eyes, a soft smile threatening to show on your beautiful face. “Of course Azul! I like you. I want to make you happy.”

Silence… Then Azul took a deep breath and put on his best client-winning smile. “Well, thank you, Y/N!” And with a much softer smile… One you might’ve mistook for being genuine if you didn’t know any better, “I really appreciate it.”

** You: “Well then, let’s get to stuffing our faces and studying till our brains fall out!!”

** Cue you two finishing the whole basket of macarons you baked, and Azul’s mood increasing exponentially.

Vil Schoenheit:

* Oh, you’re another one of his fans, yes? Well, Vil will accept your lovely box of homemade chocolates and apple ‘n spice cupcakes with a heart-stopping smile! … And then turn to give it to some lucky Pomefiore soul once you’re gone.

* Well? Can you blame him? This man is on a strict diet after Rook told him his jawline looked a tad fatter last week. There’s no way he’s going to indulge in some sweets! Not even if he wants to.

* But… if you’re not just one of his fans…. If he knows you and you two are on good terms, why… Well, maybe he’ll indulge just this once… Oh. OH! OH SEVENS ABOVE!! Dear me, are you a master chef or something?!

* Vil is astounded! You bake better than tr*y!!! Now, whenever Vil sees you in the halls he has to physically restrain himself from walking over to see if you’ve baked anything new.

* And if you’ve managed to find a to-die-for recipe that has reduced sugar and calories and all that good stuff? Well, Vil is done for. He’s done. Congrats! He is your man now.

Kalim Al-Asim:

* This man is a tricky one, for sure. On one hand, your sweets do look delicious, but… he’s had bad experiences with others’ food in the past. The only one he trusts is Jamil!!!

* Though, perhaps if you get Jamil to approve your food, then maybe Kalim will try it! And if he does? Whoo, boy, Kalim will love you forever!

* Seriously!! Your treats are amazing!!! They taste so good! And there’s so much variety! There’s the way way too sweet ones (which Kalim loves), the ones that are savory, the ones that are mild…. You make cakes, and pastries, and gelatins, and ice creams….!

* If you ever start a bakery or try to sell your goods, Kalim will be sure to help you! He’ so grateful you gave him good food and didn’t try to poison him, it’s the least he can do!

Idia Shroud:

* Is very confused? Why are you giving him candy? Wait! You made this YOURSELF???!! Then why are you giving it to him?! Give this masterpiece to someone better!!!

* Haha jk lol, but seriously. I think Idia would be touched that you thought him special enough to give him a gift. And homemade, no less! He’ll remember this day forever~ Maybe he’ll find you approachable enough after this event to ask you for more candy, eh?

* He might even cry and giggle and scream into his pillow while he kicks his feet in the air, who knows.??

Malleus Draconia:

* Child of Man. One is very touched that thou chesen to grace thyself with the gift of ‘baked goods’. One shall cherish this gift till mine’s last beat of the heart.

* You heard the man. He loves your gift! Many people are afraid of him, though all he wants is friends. So why wouldn’t he be ecstatic when you decide to show him some love and give him the priceless gift of homemade sweets?

* Perhaps you’ll gift him more treats in the future? But even if you don’t, Malleus is sure to stick by you. You’re one of the first to approach him, and for that he is grateful. After this event, I’m sure he’d want to know more about you, and become true friends. Sebek is probably jealous of you, though, so watch out….

**They got progressively shorter as it went on. Sorry :( And a special apology to Leona likers.

**I know Vil also has a slight weird relationship with food, but I wrote this at a time when I didn't know that, and I'm too lazy to rewrite things. Maybe in the future I'll do him and Leona justice.

#one of the first works i ever did!#indulgent writing 🍓#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #riddle rosehearts #riddle rosehearts x reader #azul ashengrotto #azul ashengrotto x reader #vil schoenheit #vil schoenheit x reader #kalim al asim #kalim al asim x reader #idia shroud #idia shroud x reader #malleus draconia #malleus draconia x reader #previously found on theheavilyinulgentgoat. but no more

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cupid-styles · 3 months

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I didn't have time to write anything before today but here's what I imagine all the girlies are up to for harry's bday <3

-sugar daddy h: mia used his credit card to buy him an M ring to match his HS ones but she also framed her favorite pic of them to put on his desk at work :') they're going to a huge family dinner tn at a fancy restaurant but she obviously has the most intricate lingerie to surprise him with afterwards

-grumpy h: y/n bought him his coffee on the way to class this morning and gave him her favorite book w her written annotations in it (she's been so busy w school that it took her almost two months to re-read it and write in it), harry nearly cries on the spot

-silk and rope h: y/n gets up super early so she can surprise him with a beautiful, delicately decorated birthday cake but he wakes up from the sound of the mixer; he comes downstairs w puffy eyes and grabs her by the waist and pulls her back to her room while she flails and complains about wanting things to be perfect

-tattoorry: they both have rly busy days so y/n stayed over his the night before and woke him up w a bl*w job. they got in the shower after that and dirty things continued. the employees at the shop are also forcing him to stay for exactly one (1) hour after closing so they can throw him a party ((he continues to emphasize over and over again that he's leaving at 6 pm on the dot bc "why would I wanna spend my birthday with you fuckers? I have a girlfriend to go home to"))

-late night talking (aka nerdrry): y/n forced them both to take work off so they can spend the day walking around and going into harry's favorite shops. she treats him to lunch and when they head back to hers for dinner, there is def food play and bondage involved.

-ymls: harry wakes up with a very gentle chubby hand on his face (it's y/n hovering over his side of the bed w clementine in her arms and she whispers "happy birthday, old man!!!!"). she makes him pancakes for breakfast (they almost burn) and they go for a walk w clem in the stroller. she gets him a sweatshirt that says "clementine's dad" on it. he cries.

-frat alpha harry: the frat is planning a huge birthday party for harry this weekend and they ask if they can hire strippers (harry topples two of his frat brothers to the ground and tells them to fuck off, he's staying at y/n's for the weekend)

-hockey!h x ballerina!yn: she sees it's his birthday from a post on instagram and when she passes him on campus, she forces herself (without a grimace) to say: "happy birthday, harry. I hope you have a nice day." harry asks if she's been possessed

#I wonder if I have too many couples #LMAO #writing

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fox-bright · 9 months

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Gen's Soft Browned-Butter Rum Vanilla Chocolate Chip Cookies

This is really for everybody, but I'm putting it up at last 'cause @sounddesignerjeans requested the recipe. I have been making chocolate chip cookies for thirty years, I was making them when I was too young to have been allowed near an oven by sane parents, but it wasn't until fairly recently that I was really happy with the recipe. I want cookies that are soft and stay soft, but that are chewy and not cakey; that have a lot of flavor instead of just being overwhelmingly sweet; that aren't too much trouble to make in terms of tools, and that are entirely made up of stuff that the average American probably has in their kitchen cupboards.

Here's your classic flatlay of ingredients:

2C plus 2TBSP all-purpose flour

2 TBSP corn starch

1/2tsp baking soda

1tsp kosher salt OR 1/2 tsp fine table salt

1C brown sugar (light or dark)

1/2C white sugar

1C butter (two sticks/16 TBSP. Must be butter--I don't know anything about soy or nut spreads, but margarine absolutely will not work for this, unfortunately)

2 eggs, room temperature

Vanilla to taste (anywhere between 1tsp and 1TBSP is usually the sweet spot)

Chocolate chips to taste (Average is 1-2 cups, but live your dreams! I like my cookies a little less chocolatey personally, but this is absolutely up to you, anything under three cups shouldn't overwhelm the dough to the point that it doesn't cook right, though that would be Way Too Many for me. I'm usually at about a cup or under.)

A couple of notes: this recipe really does work best if the eggs and chocolate chips are room temperature, but the butter can start from frozen if that's what you have. Take a half-cup measure and use that to scoop flour into your cup measure, and then scrape, don't compress, until the flour is level across the top of the cup. And lastly--ANY vanilla will do, but I am hugely privileged to be able to say that the Bacardi there has been transformed to vanilla extract by a particularly enterprising kendo student of mine, I'm not just pouring straight rum into the cookies (though that might be interesting)

Also, please allow me to introduce you to Fork!

Fork is a stalwart friend. When I moved to be with the Magical Flying Husband, he was somewhat horrified by my Poverty Child, "This table fork and butterknife are all the tools I need for my day-to-day household existence" ways, and got me Fork as a present so that I would leave the silverware alone. Fork can handle a dense boiled potato and a silky buttercream with equal aplomb, not bending or transmitting too much heat up into my hand. I highly recommend Fork. But for this recipe, a hand mixer will also do, as will a table fork if that's what you have.

(The rest of Part 1 of this recipe under the cut:)

If you have two bowls, put the dry ingredients (flour, corn starch, baking soda, salt) into the smaller one, and both sugars into the larger one. If you only have one bowl, put the sugars into it and let the dry ingredients wait their turn.

When I was a kid, I used to imagine that the brown sugar was a castle keep in deep winter, and the white sugar the snow that hemmed it in.

Get a little pan onto the stove, and pop both sticks of butter in it to melt.

The butter will start off bright, but it will pretty quickly separate into liquid and solid; you must not leave it alone at this point, this is the most eyes-on-it portion of the game here. Take Fork, or a fork, or a whisk, and stir, stir, every few seconds.

The milkfats will sink to the bottom of the pan. Stir, stir. The milkfats will get sticky; don't let them cling to the pan, keep them in motion.

Pretty soon the butter will start giving off a lovely chestnutty smell, and the milkfats at the bottom of the pan will turn a darker color. Take the pan off the heat and continue to stir for another thirty seconds or so. If you leave it on the heat and stir now, the fats can easily burn; if they burn, you need to start over, there's no salvaging it. So better safe than sorry.

Carefully pour the butter over your sugars, making sure you get all those delicious browned bits in there, and stir stir stir! Don't burn yourself--but it starts cooling off immediately as the sugars dissolve into cooling liquid. I use Fork for this, but you can use a strong whisk or a hand mixer.

Once the sugars are completely dissolved and mixed, it will look kind of like a grainy caramel. Let it sit until completely cool, somewhere around fifteen minutes. Maybe take this time to go put up a Tumblr post about your delicious cookies.

(Part 2 incoming shortly)

#fox cooks #my actual life #cookies #baking #fox bakes #fox baking

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pupyuj · 8 months

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Stalker Yujin who's an absolute virgin loser who gets a hard on when you linger your finger on her for too long

Writes little letters to you but never sends them cause she's too shy :((

And when she finally approaches you she gets so shaky and shy to the point she stutters with almost every word...

Gets really flustered when you talk back and put your hand on her thigh asking her what's wrong that she accidentally gets hard!!

Don't worry you're there to help tho ^^

(Can I be the 🪼 anon?)

i'm telling ya'll, yujin will never beat the lewser puppy allegations... i love asks like these cuz they really just feed my stupid yuj agenda like :(( shes just so.. WHY ARE YOU DUMB (lovingly) 🥺🥺 and thank you for the ask 🪼 anon!

but like what if you guys went wayyyy back as in knowing each other in the past... yuj in high school having a low social status and kinda gets bullied sometimes bcs she never had the will to fight back :(( she starts crushing on you after you defended her from some jocks and picked her stuff up from the floor, n you walked her to class too just to make sure no one can bother her on the way there, you were so sweet 💔💔 but then some years passed and you were reunited in your senior year in university after you transferred to whatever school she was in,,, you don't really remember her, but oh does she remember you 😳

yujinnie who makes sure that she doesn't lose a glimpse of you ever again so she follows you around the hallways while you're walking to class,, it seems like you only got prettier as the years went by,, longer hair, beautiful eyes, sweet smile, and that pretty voice... sometimes yujin masturbates thinking about you, you know. she got so happy when she saw you again after years that she spent a whole night jerking herself off while you were in her head 😣 how she wished you were there pleasuring her instead... you were too pretty to not be constantly fucked silly!!!

about the letter thing... i imagine yujin would constantly try to be romantic and write you poems and confess her feelings n stuff but sometimes she thinks with her dick so she just ends up messing it all up bcs she started writing about how she wants to fill your holes with her cum.. weird little loser.

sjsdhkdndh your paths finally crossing at a mixer... you managing to escape some people who have gotten high out of their mind.. choosing to hide in a bathroom bcs you figured that every other room was occupied with horny people having sex,, only to find this cute girl with a big hoodie and comically huge glasses squirming as she sat on the toilet,,, she looked liked she was in pain and ofc being the only normal person around, you kneeled down and asked her if she was okay,,,

yujin blushing so hard bcs she was finally seeing you up close,, her closing her legs bcs she doesn't want you to see her hard on but your hand was on her knee bcs you wanted to see her face :(( you were touching her forehead, but she wasn't sick... maybe she was injured? but she looked really healthy!! yujin meeting your eyes for the first time and it clicks in your head that holy shit it's the same girl from high school sksdjikhkd 😭😭

you knew she was still a loser cuz she looked like it so you asked how the fuck she got in this crazy ass party,, and she said she.. followed you??? thank god she was fucking cute or else you would have been out the door immediately!! then you were asking her why the fuck does she look like she needs an ambulance bcs she was sweating, and she was warm... and she tells you that it's because you look so good in your outfit??? what the fuck does that even—

oh.

"what the heck, yujin-ah," omg you remembered her name? ...yeah that didn't help her little situation at all. "you should've told me right away." but maybe you will 🤭

sjhfjcncknsk yujinnie nearly suffering a heart attack when you pulled off her pants and boxers,,,, her cock in display for you,, giving her length little kisses, sometimes licking her slit bcs you loved the way she sounded when she whimpered,,, ugh you can't even deepthroat or anything bcs yujin was so big :(( but the loser knew nothing about any of this, she was a fucking virgin,, so even when you were just sucking off not even half of her cock, she still felt like it was heaven 😵‍💫😵‍💫

she comes a bit quick of course... her cum spilling all over your lips, licking it off her cock while staring up at her,, oh yujin was so hot leaning back and breathing heavily like that :((( hehe.. even if she's a virgin, she's still a perv who watched porn and imagined that it was you and her on the screen... so yujinnie definitely gets the courage to bend you over the sink and breed your sweet cunt after she recovered <333

#🪼 anon #ive smut #ive imagines #ive x reader #ive x fem reader #ahn yujin smut #ahn yujin x fem reader #ahn yujin x reader #ahn yujin imagines #girl group smut #girl group imagines #girl group x reader

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no-psi-nan · 2 years

Text

I think everyone agrees that the most telling scene for Teruhashi and Saiki's relationship is the karaoke mixer scene (with Imu and Chiyo and the guys from the fancy school).

However, I also think it's the most misinterpreted part of the series. I haven't seen a single analysis of it that I agree with tbh, so I figured I'd write my own:

However, as Saiki points out, her understanding of him is completely wrong. She doesn't think he would have a good time or could make things more fun, when in reality, HE'S the one coming up with all the jokes the guys say, and their kind gestures like adjusting the temperature of the room for her. And to top it off, he was even doing actual karaoke during the mixer and killing it, based on his 100% score. Saiki was secretly being the whole life of the party, something that Teruhashi can't even imagine at this point.

Teruhashi appreciates that Saiki doesn't actively chase her, that he treats her like everybody else, that he isn't waiting for her to slip on her perfect pretty projection. However, while Teruhashi wishes Saiki was there with her at the mixer, she also thinks that he would just be there glooming it up with a dull expression in the corner. That seems to show that she finds Saiki's presence comforting but doesn't really think he can contribute otherwise to this kind of social situation. And based on what she's seen of him, it's a reasonable expectation tbh!

And that's because whenever we see Saiki at parties with his friends, he ISN'T charming and funny then. Saiki even feels bad about being so boring and unexpressive, sending in his father as a substitute for one birthday party. But that's because he's actively masking his powers and by extension, his real personality, to almost everyone.

We've only ever seen him at parties with people who DON'T know the truth about him. So we can't know exactly what he'd do at a proper party post power-reveal. But we CAN see the difference in interactions that he has with people who don't know about his powers and people who do.

People who know about Saiki's powers and who he acts genuinely around: his family, the Psychickers, and little Yuuta.

The biggest immediate difference between how he behaves with them vs with everyone else is that Saiki is a huge backtalker lmao. He has a smartass remark for everything but only says it "out loud" if he's comfortable. He disrespects his dad on the daily, roasts Toritsuka half to death, and repeats [no] at Yuuta every time he begs.

In fact, Teruhashi has never seen Saiki be genuine around her, which is why she has to dig desperately for something positive to say to Saiki's grandfather when she meets him. All she can say is that he seems studious (the man gets strictly average grades so this is kind of sad actually lmao) and that he has a lot of friends for some reason hsfjdlshfks.

Saiki is also a bit of a show-off / kind of prideful. We see it when he's a kid in the Time Leap episodes, we see him fly up to get Yuuta that balloon instead of using telekinesis, and we see him refusing to lose any games to his friends despite low or no stakes (and being a very sore loser when Akechi beats him).

My personal favorite example of him being his hilarious self is when he and Aiura are trying to keep Chiyo alive despite her death mark, and Aiura thinks to herself something like "well, there's no way he can hear my thoughts at THIS distance or he'd be some kind of god" and Saiki IMMEDIATELY replies [what's up, God speaking] like WHAT. THE LEVEL OF SASS. He's just naturally that fucking funny and repressing it all the time. And most of his friends have no clue that this guy is actually a hilarious mfer!

However, we as the audience actually *do* see Saiki be his genuine self around Teruhashi: that one episode where she's trying to find him but he turns invisible so her simps can't catch him. Instead of being a quiet, emotionless presence, he steals her milkshake and makes fun of how she can't see him and is generally silly. Maybe one day they'll truly know each other well enough to where Saiki feels comfortable being silly like that where she can see it, but due to all their circumstances (powers/crush/simps), he has to try to be as boring and off-putting as he can be instead.

Which all leads me to say that the end of the mixer scene is actually really bittersweet imo. It's Saiki realizing how much fun he *could* be having with his friends if he was able to be open and honest about himself around them, and if he didn't have to worry about inadvertantly encouraging an unwanted crush. That is the life he's always wanted to have, a normal one where he can just relax and be himself and hang out with his friends without risking cataclysmic consequences at every turn.

And at the same time it reinforces that most of the people he genuinely cares about and considers his friends don't really know him well at all. While they all clearly enjoy his presence and care about him, they don't know that he's sarcastic, selfless, incredibly clever, tsundere af, generally anxious, and kind of nosy.

Does that make all of Saiki's friendships fake? I don't think so. Everyone presents different parts of themselves to different people, this is a normal. We live in a society, etc. The same behavior and conversation isn't appropriate for someone who's a coworker vs a lover, half your age vs twice your age, etc.

But it sure hurts to know that a friendship was built under false premises and could crumble if the truth is revealed. And that's why Saiki even considers never stopping the volcano so he can stay in the same status quo with his friends, because he's certain that once they leave high school, they will all forget about that quiet, stone-faced guy in the background of their memories. He's sure that even if everyone finds out about his powers, after he's been made powerless, giving him the opportunity to be himself for the first time ever, that they won't like the "new" him.

That mixer was Saiki being his whole self with his friends, just through a different face, and while he had fun, it was with the full knowledge that this is essentially as close to being genuine with his friends as he can possibly get, for a limited time only. Because the volcano and their senior year are both looming large on the horizon.

#spoiler alert: I don't think it's a cute romantic moment. I think it's actually deeply melancholic #nopsi meta #saiki k #saiki no psi nan #the disastrous life of saiki k.#sknpn

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eightmakar · 2 years

Text

empty cups | n.m. | 18+

Pairing: Nathan MacKinnon x Original Character

Word Count: 6.2k

Warnings: drinking, mentions of underage drinking, swearing, smut (fem. oral receiving, protected sex)

A/N: inspired by empty cups by charlie puth. basically all smut so you were warned

tagging: @harlowhockeystick @bitchinbarzal @matbaerzal @taking-shots @fallinallincurls @jostyriggslover96 @burkymakar @flashyfucker @capsvsducks @xsyntheticsensation @double-j @hockeylvr59

Despite being explicitly invited, Chase Bauer felt incredibly out of place at the house party. Should she really call it a house party? It felt like a house party, with all the people milling around, the loud music, the kegs of beer strewn about, but not a house party she’d ever been to. The beer wasn’t the cheapest shit college guys could manage to purchase, the people she partied with were nearly all millionaires, and they held their liquor much better than college guys.

Gabriel Landeskog walked up to her in her little corner, a big grin on his face and a bottle of fancy beer in his hand. “Bauer, why’re you all alone over here?” he asked, patting her on the shoulder.

“I was waiting for EJ to pick some better music,” Chase replied. “Some songs from this century would be great.”

“It’s not for lack of trying on our part,” Gabe laughed. He pointed to her empty hands and continued, “You need a drink.”

“I don’t like beer.” Chase scrunched her nose.

“We’ve got a lot more than just beer. C’mon.” Gabe turned around and began to walk into Erik Johnson’s kitchen, so Chase followed him, making herself smaller to maneuver through the large bodies in her way.

The kitchen was brightly lit in comparison to the rest of the house with shining bottles of every kind of alcohol Chase could imagine. There were brands she’d never heard of peppered in with bottles of Grey Goose and other top-shelf liquor she vaguely recognized.

“What do you usually drink?” Gabe asked her.

“I like sweet drinks mostly,” Chase said. She reached for a familiar bottle of lemon vodka.

“I think EJ’s got something if you want a mixer to make it sweeter.” Gabe began rummaging through EJ’s cabinets as Chase looked around the party.

Erik Johnson’s home was always the party house. He owned a huge, isolated home with the most gorgeous views imaginable, and more guest rooms than anyone could count, which worked well for the wild parties he threw throughout the year. He always invited the whole staff, all the coaches and equipment managers and Chase and her coworkers, the athletic trainers, but this was the first Chase had chosen to attend, to celebrate the Avalanche winning Western Conference Final and going to the Stanley Cup Final.

Chase cracked a small smile as she looked over at Josh Manson sitting on a couch against a wall, waving a glass of something dark around and loudly telling a story to an apathetic Sam Girard. Mikko Rantanen sat across from them, his girlfriend on top of him, straddling his legs as they passionately made out like no one else was in the vicinity.

Small groups of wives and girlfriends littered the walls, holding delicate glasses of wine and champagne, though Chase knew they could put back as much alcohol as their significant others. Other groups of players were interspersed around, some chatting lowly, some loudly, and others barely at all. Alex Newhook and Logan O’Connor had started an enthusiastic game of beer pong in the middle of the wide living room.

“How the fuck does EJ only have Crystal Light packets in this huge fucking house?” Gabe said, returning to Chase’s side and making her turn around.

“That strangely makes sense,” Chase laughed. Gabe handed her the small box of lemonade packets and she immediately took two out. She filled a Solo cup to the brim with lemon vodka and mixed the two packets in. Taking a sip, she gave Gabe a thumbs up.

“If I see you back in your corner, I’ll drag you to the dance floor instead,” Gabe warned.

Chase took another long, burning sip of her drink. “Got it, Cap.”

Gabe rolled his eyes and wandered away, over to one of the pods of players, leaving Chase alone with her cup to gaze around the party again. EJ was dancing with his fiancée on the “dance floor,” which was just an area of the room that was wide open. The enormous Darcy Kuemper, his wife, Kurtis MacDermid, and his girlfriend all danced with them. Chase thought they all danced like dads.

“Looking for someone?”

“Jesus!” Chase jerked around and found herself face to face with a serious looking Nathan MacKinnon. Beer in hand, he gazed at her, blue eyes a little icy.

“Shit, sorry,” he said quickly. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s all good, I was kinda zoned out,” Chase admitted. She drank her lemony drink again, trying her hardest to finish it soon.

A drunken Mikko bumped into Chase before Nate could say anything, dragging his girlfriend behind him and giggling as they went upstairs, but earning a sharp glare from Nate. Nate protectively put an arm on Chase’s shoulder and pulled her out of the middle of the room, out of the way of his drunk friends and teammates. Her feet were beginning to ache in her heels, so she took the chance to sit down on a barstool. To her surprise, Nate joined her, pulling a barstool over for himself as well.

Chase was convinced Nathan MacKinnon hated her. She didn’t know what it was; maybe the serious passion he played with, maybe the intense specificity he demanded with his equipment and his body, maybe the high standards he held himself and everyone else to. If and when she had to treat him, like she did recently when he got in a fight with Dumba for Minnesota, his body tensed up and he pulled away from her touch, which made her job as an athletic trainer much more difficult. She thought it might’ve been the fact that she was a woman, but he fiercely protected her at games, practices, and really any time someone tried to make a comment about her gender. When she’d first been hired, he and the rest of the team had been asked numerous times how they felt about it, and his response made her feel the most welcome and the most at home: “She’s part of the team and we treat her that way. We really only care about getting our job done and making a run for the Cup and she’s going to help us.”

“I’m not gonna lie, Bauer, I was surprised to see you came,” Nate said, fiddling with the bottle in his hand. He looked up at her and anxiously scratched his beard.

“You were?” Chase asked incredulously, puffing herself up a little bit.

Nate winced at her tone. “Good surprised,” he clarified, and she relaxed. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you at one of EJ’s parties.”

“I usually don’t come, but this one seemed special,” Chase shrugged.

“You didn’t come to the President’s Trophy party last year. God, that one was a mess,” he chuckled low in his throat and half-smiled at her.

“So I take it I missed a lot of fun?”

“Oh yeah,” Nate laughed again, the ice in his eyes beginning to melt a bit. Chase was pretty sure in the two years she’d worked for the Avs, she’d never spoken more than a couple words to him, but here they were having a conversation like old friends.

“Who was the drunkest?” She asked, swigging her vodka and trying not to react to the burning in her mouth and throat.

“Honestly, a lot of guys were pretty close. Josty was so fucked up he fell outside on the porch, broke his nose, and ended up just sleeping there.”

“Jesus,” Chase breathed with a small laugh. “I’ve never been that drunk in my life and don’t wanna be.”

“I have,” Nate said, pressing his lips together to hide a smile. “In juniors and at World’s.”

“Wow, in juniors? Nathan MacKinnon, under age drinker?” Chase smirked.

Nate rolled his eyes. “You’re gonna sit here and tell me you weren’t an under age drinker too?”

“Genuinely, I wasn’t. I had my first drink on my twenty-first birthday. I know, how painfully boring of me.” Chase had heard it all, every comment under the sun about her dislike of drinking.

“That’s not boring,” Nate said immediately. “If you don’t like it, it’s not boring.”

“I don’t like the taste, unfortunately. Plus my tolerance is sky high, so I’ve only really been drunk twice in my life.”

“Really? What are you drinking now?”

Chase took a sip of her drink, almost to show Nate she wasn’t boring. “Don’t laugh, but it’s lemon vodka with lemonade packets. It’s surprisingly good.”

Nate cracked a smile. “That sounds ridiculous.”

“It is,” Chase conceded, “but I do wanna get drunk, so this is how I have to do it. Straight vodka.”

“Hold on.” Nate got up and retreated to the kitchen. While he looked through the bottles of liquor, Chase people-watched.

Cale Makar was drunkenly singing to the ABBA song playing over EJ’s sound system with his girlfriend, André Burakovsky had apparently decided to only speak in Swedish for the rest of the evening, and JT Compher stood with his chest against his girlfriend’s back while having a conversation with Darren Helm, tugging his girlfriend far too close to him.

“Goddamn,” Nate said as he returned clutching a partial bottle of vodka with a bar-style top that allowed for better pouring. “Cale is wasted.”

“Good for him, he deserves it.”

“He does.” Nate offered Chase the bottle. “I snagged this. EJ’s got a whole distillery over there, so he won’t miss it.”

“Oh shit, thank you,” Chase said. “What about you?”

“This isn’t just for you,” Nate grinned, then threw his head back and poured vodka straight into his mouth.

Chase tried not to drool as she watched him. She was starting to feel a bit fuzzy, and she could feel her reservations about Nate slipping away by the sip. There was no denying he was incredibly attractive, a fact she was painfully aware of every moment she spent close to him.

“Now my turn,” Chase said. She surprised herself, but she tilted her head back and opened her mouth.

Nate’s grin widened as he began to pour vodka in her mouth. She always thought vodka tasted like hand sanitizer, and the burning taste engulfed her mouth and throat. She tugged away, mouth full, and Nate accidentally got a bit of vodka on her chin. She swallowed and wiped her mouth with her sleeve, watching Nate’s eyes glaze over as she did. Fuck, was he into that like she was?

Chase shoved the thoughts out of her mind and chugged the rest of her lemonade combo. The liquid burned all the way down to her stomach, but the heat continued down her body and between her thighs as she watched Nathan tip his head back and pour more vodka into his mouth.

The song over the speaker changed. Cale clearly didn’t know it, but he looked over at Nate and Chase and waved enthusiastically. He came over to join them, creating a triangle with a third stool.

“You don’t know this one too?” Chase chirped.

“I’m too drunk,” Cale shrugged, holding his hand out to Nate and motioning for him to hand over the vodka bottle. Nate did, and Cale barely leaned his head back, just moving the bottle, not unlike the way he drank water on the bench during games. He paused, swallowed with a scrunched nose, then poured more vodka in his mouth. Swallowing again, he shook his head and handed the bottle back to Nate.

Chase took it and drank from it again. She could feel the alcohol she’d already drank slowly lowering her inhibitions, slowly loosening her mind, and she knew she had to continue to drink if she wanted it to stay that way.

“I’m impressed you’re here, Bauer,” Cale said as Chase drank.

Chase wiped her mouth again and handed the bottle back to Nate. “Thanks, me too. I’ve always been afraid to come to one of these things.”

Cale’s rosy face frowned in concern, his eyes trying to focus on her. “Afraid?” he asked sadly. Nate looked at Chase too, but the concern looked different on Nate’s face. Almost more protective? She couldn’t tell, and with how fuzzy her whole body was starting to feel, she was even more confused.

“Well yeah,” Chase started, feeling her mouth run without a filter of any kind, just words spewing and spewing. “There’s a lot of men here and some of you I don’t trust to not do weird things to me while I’m drunk and I don’t trust myself to not do weird things and fuck, I’m drunk.”

“Weird things?” Nate asked.

“Weird things like Mikko and Susanna do. Like right now, Nathan, I want to kiss you so so bad, but I know I can’t, because you hate me but I’d still kiss you.”

Fuck. What the fuck just came out of her mouth? She couldn’t stop it.

“But that would also be weird because I don’t just want to kiss you I wanna do so much more than kiss you but I’ve never had sex before so I’d be bad at it.” Chase sighed and gazed at Nate, who looked incredulous. His blue eyes were wide as he drank from the vodka bottle, finishing off what little was left in it.

“I’m definitely too drunk for this,” Cale said, shaking his head. He got up and returned to his girlfriend.

“Shit, Nate, I didn’t mean—fuck,” Chase said. Her body was floating and swimming and felt like static on an old television.

“I don’t hate you,” Nate said softly. “Why do you think that?”

“Well, you never talk to me, you flinch away from me if I have to treat you during a game, you don’t want me to tape you up before practice, you don’t want me to put the dumb pressure leg things on you, you always glare at me when I smile at you, you don’t smile back at me.” Chase paused to take a deep breath. “So you hate me.”

“Bauer, I—,” Nate cut himself off with a chuckle. “Oh god, I did not imagine tonight being like this.”

“What do you mean? You didn’t imagine having to hang out with me because you hate me and I suck and I’m annoying?” Chase pouted.

“No, listen, I—,” Nate shook his head, “I don’t hate you, Chase, it’s the exact opposite, in fact.”

“You called me ‘Chase,’” she said, blinking in surprise.

“I mean, that’s your name.”

“Wait.” Chase held a hand up, having processed what Nate said. “It’s the opposite? The opposite of hate is love and you definitely don’t love me.”

Nate shook his head again. “Never mind, Bauer. I’m going to get a drink.” Nate got up and stalked off to the kitchen, leaving Chase alone.

The opposite of hating her? Nathan MacKinnon couldn’t possibly like her like that. He was much too, well, him. He liked teeny, blonde supermodel types, not loud former hockey players whose job it was to keep him healthy. No, not Nathan MacKinnon, who kept his specific regimens of health, kept his body in top tier condition, who demanded excellence from everyone, including her and her team.

Gabe appeared in front of her, clutching a new bottle of beer and a tall glass of clear liquid. “Can I join you?” He asked. Chase nodded, so he sat down where Nate had just been and handed her the glass. “Nate asked me to bring you water.”

“Because I’m drunk and told him I wanted to have sex with him but that he hates me?” Chase clarified.

“He didn’t give me specifics, but I’m sure that has something to do with it,” Gabe laughed.

“Now he definitely hates me,” Chase mumbled. She sipped some water, but she didn’t feel any less fuzzy. In fact, she could feel the rest of the vodka starting to hit her and the idea of going over to Nate, who now stood chatting with Nazem Kadri, and kissing him was becoming more and more appealing.

“He acts like that to all of us. That’s just Nate. Whatever he told you is the truth,” Gabe explained.

Chase hummed. “Well, he didn’t say he wanted to kiss me and have sex with me too,” she said, her words beginning to slur together the tiniest bit, her brain working hard to put letters together. “He was stuck on the hating me part.”

“I can guarantee he doesn’t hate you.”

“You can’t read his mind!”

“Neither can you. Look, Bauer, I’m guessing he said he had feelings for you, right? I can guarantee you he does. The amount of things I’ve heard him say about you matches what you’re saying.”

Chase looked at Gabe with wide eyes. “Nate wants to have sex with me too? Even though I’ll be bad at it because I’ve never had sex? He wants to—.”

“Bauer, go talk to him.” Gabe used his captain voice on her.

“I’m even drunker than I was before,” she commented. “Even with the water. And we can’t have sex when I’m this drunk. I’ll be even worse at it. What if I puke on his dick when I try to blow him? God, maybe then he’d hate me.”

“Okay, Bauer? Go talk to him.” Gabe got up and walked away before Chase could say anything else.

Chase took a deep breath and stood up. Her legs felt like jelly and she could’ve sworn she was leaning to one side. She giggled at herself, at the fuzziness coursing through her veins, at the thoughts coming to the forefront of her mind. She made her way over to Nate, shoved herself in between him and Naz, grabbed his arms and looked up at him.

“Hi,” she said, realizing how close her face was to his face.

Naz excused himself, and Nate looked down at her over his crooked nose. God, Chase wanted that nose in between her legs.

“Hi,” she said again.

“Hi,” he replied shortly. His tongue darted out to wet his lips.

“I’m still drunk and I’m sorry I thought you hated me and that I said I wanted to have sex with you because I know we can’t have sex I’m drunk and you’re famous and we work together and you’re good at sex and I’m very bad at sex.” Chase squinted to try and focus on Nate’s face but it was very difficult. When did he have two faces?

“I actually do want to have sex with you,” Nate said straightforwardly. “I think you’re smart and cool and hot and yeah, I like you. But I don’t think this is exactly the right time to do this.”

“That’s why you didn’t want me to treat you? Cause you liked me?” Chase put together.

“Yeah,” Nate laughed. “I tried to keep you away so I could focus, but having you around the past two seasons has not been a distraction at all, it’s helped me focus.”

“Oh,” Chase said, standing there. “Oh.”

“So we’ll have this conversation again when you’re sober,” Nate said. “I think I’m gonna leave anyway, actually.”

“Wait,” Chase frowned. “Don’t leave yet. We haven’t even gotten to dance. I don’t want you to leave. I’m drinking water now and it won’t take me too long to sober up. Please don’t leave.”

Nate sighed. “Okay, let’s go dance.”

Chase grinned, took his hand, and led him over to where Cale and his girlfriend had resumed their dancing and loud singing of random songs that came up. A rap song came on, definitely one Nate had introduced EJ to, because it was on their warm up playlist.

Chase turned around, facing Nate, pressing her chest into his. Nate’s eyes glazed over again as he put his hands on her hips, dangerously close to her ass. Chase wrapped her arms around his neck and tugged his forehead down to touch hers, demanding his blue eyes meet hers. She ground her body into his, and relished in the small buck of his hips he responded with.

Nate let his hands slide down her body to grip her ass. His breathing was slowly quickening, his touch slowly tightening, as the song changed to another rap song and they continued their dance.

Chase gasped when Nate pushed her away slightly and nudged his thigh between her legs for her to grind on. She immediately did, dragging the seam of her denim shorts along the length of his thigh. Feeling herself clench around nothing, she clutched harder to the back of his neck.

“You like that?” he asked, eyes still drilled on her, a smirk dancing across his lips.

“I’m drunk and you’re hot and I like everything you do,” Chase replied softly. “Please don’t leave yet.”

“When we’re dancing like this? Not a chance.”

She had no idea how long they danced, but by the time they stopped, she was sweaty and desperately craving more water. She and Nate separated and she hurried to the kitchen to chug water. Chase felt herself sobering up, the fuzziness beginning to fade, and with it, the confidence that had been flowing through her quickly dissipating.

Nate came to join Chase in the kitchen to get water, too. He filled up a cup and drank long sips. Chase stared at his Adam’s apple as he swallowed. He put his cup down after he finished, his lips glistening from the water, and Chase made a split decision.

Chase stalked over to him and kissed him.

Her hands found his cheeks, tracing his playoff beard with her fingertips. His hands rested on her ass again, tugging her closer as she pinned him against the counter behind him. His lips were soft and wet and warm and tasted like beer. His tongue gently made its way into her mouth, softly dancing around hers.

Chase pulled back and looked up at his red, puffy lips. “Fuck,” she said.

“Mmhmm,” Nate replied, then pulled her in for more. Nate kissed her like she was his tether to the ground, like he was floating and the only thing that could keep him down was her lips. His fingertips dug into her ass, and she was sure she’d have bruises tomorrow, but she didn’t care. She traced his bottom lip with her tongue, then pulled away again, just enough to speak to him.

“Let’s go upstairs,” Chase whispered.

“You’re still drunk,” Nate whispered back.

“I’m sobering up.”

“The guys will have something to say. They’ll never let us live it down.”

“So? I don’t care what they think. They won’t even notice.”

“Chase…”

“We don’t need their permission. We’re both adults.”

“You’re still drunk.”

“And I’m still sobering up. Nathan, I’m good. I’m probably like, the equivalent of two shots drunk now.”

Nate bit his lip and looked over her head at his friends. Chase turned around too, and she was right. No one was paying attention to them. Everyone was in their own worlds. It was the perfect time to sneak away.

“Fuck it,” Nate muttered. “C’mon.”

Chase giggled as Nate clung to her hand and dragged her away, upstairs to one of EJ’s spare bedrooms. There were solo cups strewn everywhere, and Chase didn’t care to know whose they were. She fell onto the bed with more giggles as Nate turned on the T.V. hanging on the wall in front of the bed.

“Why the T.V.?” Chase asked.

“Well, not to brag, but I’m about to blow your mind, and I don’t want to get chirped for how loud I make you moan,” Nate said, his eyes darkening with lust.

Chase shivered, but said, “Well, the only competition you have is my vibrator, but I’ve learned to be pretty quiet.”

“Oh really?” Nate raised his eyebrows, then flopped on the bed next to her. He rolled on top of her, positioning himself in between her legs and said, “I take that as a challenge.”

Nate leaned down and kissed Chase sweetly, with none of the previous fervor from downstairs. He kissed his way down her clothed body, bunched her shirt up around her stomach, and kissed the soft skin as he unbuttoned her shorts and dragged them down her legs. She wore her only pair of sexy panties made of a comfy lace, and Nate dragged his thumb across the band.

“Nice,” he complimented. “Who’d you wear these for?”

Chase smirked. “Mikko.”

“That’s a lie and we both know it.” Nate kissed her covered core and she jumped, making Nate chuckle.

“Nathan,” Chase said softly. “I’m nervous.”

Nate laid his head on her thigh, gazing up at her. “We can stop any time, you just say so.”

Chase took a deep breath. “Just, uh, go slow?”

“Hang on.” Nate hopped up and left the room, returning a few moments later. He tossed an unopened box of condoms and a brand new bottle of lube on the bed next to Chase, then shut the door behind him.

“Where did you get this?” Chase sat up and grabbed the lube, examining it.

Nate shrugged, “I know where EJ keeps his shit. I’ll buy him more.”

Chase’s heart pounded as Nate repositioned himself between her legs. He wrapped his strong arms around her thighs, pulled her to the edge of the bed, then kissed her again through her panties, making Chase shiver.

“You ready?” Nate asked. He kissed her again and looked up at her through his eyelashes.

Chase took a deep breath and nodded, then Nate tugged her panties down in a swift motion, threw them on the ground behind him, and gently dragged his hands along her thighs. Chase watched him with bated breath, thinking he was going far too slow but also could go never fast enough. He ghosted kisses along her thighs, teasing her even more, and she pouted.

“That’s some mind-blowing head you’re giving me,” she said, rather annoyed.

Nate looked up at her, grinned, and rolled his eyes. He stuck his tongue out and traced it on the lips of her pussy, and she nearly leapt out of her skin. Nate chuckled, then let his tongue dip into her folds.

“Holy fuck,” Chase yelped.

Nate swirled his tongue around near her entrance for a bit, clearly avoiding her clit, but Chase didn’t care. The simple gesture sent heat waves and ice through her entire body. Finally, Nate softly wrapped his lips around her clit.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” Chase yelped again. Nate’s tongue massaging her clit felt incredible, in a way she’d always imagined but could never have imagined, in a way she had started to believe she’d never feel. He looked up at her through his eyelashes and gently sucked on her clit. Chase’s legs began to shake and she could already feel how fast her orgasm was racing toward her.

“Use…use your fingers,” Chase gasped breathlessly.

Nathan unlatched his mouth from Chase, then shoved his middle finger into his mouth. He slowly teased her with it, gathering up more of her wetness, and slid his thick finger inside her, lips returning to her clit. He curled his finger to massage her walls, keeping pace with his tongue.

“Oh fuck,” Chase moaned, “oh fuck, I’m gonna come, oh fuck, fuck, Nate, fuck!”

Chase went sailing over the edge as her orgasm raked through her. Despite her legs shaking and her back arching, Nate kept his mouth on her as she fell apart for him. The constant stream of “fuck” that came from Chase’s mouth was so loud that she was grateful Nate turned on the T.V..

She finally came down, panting, and Nate slid his finger out of her and released his mouth from her. She grabbed his shirt and dragged him up to kiss him hotly, tongue immediately invading his mouth, tasting herself. Jesus Christ, he did what he said he would, and she was impressed.

“Where the fuck did you learn that?” she breathed.

Nate chuckled. “You did say earlier I was good at sex, if I remember correctly.”

“Jesus.” She was still trying to catch her breath when she realized Nate was still fully clothed, so she said, “You’re wearing clothes still. Let’s change that.”

Grinning, Nate stood up and pulled his shirt over his head. He unbuttoned his jeans and shoved them down his legs, along with his underwear, so he stood before her in all his glory. He was already semi-hard, and he clambered back onto the bed overtop of her.

“Do you want me to like, do anything for you?” Chase asked.

Nate quickly slid his arms under her and pushed her up on the bed, closer to the headboard. “Nope,” he said as he moved her. “I’m good. Are you good?”

Chase nodded nervously. “Y-yeah, I think so.”

Nate reached over for a condom and the bottle of lube. He stroked himself several times before he opened the condom wrapper, then slid the condom on. He grabbed the bottle of lube.

“Okay,” he said, opening the bottle. “If it hurts, tell me. If we use enough lube, we should be fine.”

“Yeah,” Chase agreed. “I’ll tell you.”

Licking his lips, Nate squirted lube on his dick, which he then spread around with his other hand. He squirted some onto Chase’s pussy, and she jumped.

“That’s cold, what the fuck?” Chase yelped.

Nate chuckled. “It’s not that cold.”

“Maybe through latex it’s not.”

“Alright, alright,” Nate conceded. “Do you want more lube or is that good for now?”

Chase brought her fingers to her pussy, spreading the lube around and inside her. “I think that’s good for now, but I’ll stop you if I need more.”

Nate leaned down and kissed her lips sweetly. “Please do. Are you ready?”

Chase nodded, biting her lip nervously. “Go slow, please.”

“I will.”

Nate straightened up, then guided himself into Chase. Her mouth fell open as he stretched her, slowly inching deeper and deeper. She flailed her hand until it found his so she could tangle their fingers together. His pelvis bumped hers, and she knew he was all the way in.

“Oh fuck,” Chase muttered. “Just stay there for a second.”

Nate did as she said, patiently waiting, looking amused as Chase tried not to squirm. Having him inside her felt so intimate, so delicate, and she never wanted him to stop.

“Okay,” she said after a moment, “move.”

Nate readjusted his position on the bed so he was laying overtop of Chase. He rested on one elbow, keeping his hand intwined with hers, then rolled his hips back so he slid out of her, then rolled them forward to thrust into her.

“Oh my god,” Chase moaned.

Nate established a slow, steady pace, thrusting in and out of her so she could feel every inch and ridge of him. She felt pressure, but not pain, and it was delicious, especially as Nate’s breathing became heavier and heavier on her neck and lips.

“Does it feel good?” he breathed, nipping at her earlobe.

“Fuck yes, it does,” she moaned back.

“Good,” Nate replied, straining a little. “Me too, it, oh, fuck, you feel so good.”

He kept the same pace and before long, they were both panting and sweating.

“Nate,” Chase gasped, “more, I need more.”

Nate obliged, attaching his lips to her collarbone and sucking hard as he increased the speed of his thrusts slightly and thrust harder into her. He released her hand and began to rub her clit. Chase’s free hand dug into his bicep, leaving tiny crescents on his skin.

Suddenly, Nate sat up, grabbed Chase’s legs, and pushed them out wider, stretching her hips, but also allowing himself to hit a different angle inside her. Chase’s mouth fell open and she couldn’t even moan; the pressure of Nate inside her felt so good it overwhelmed her senses and she couldn’t think clearly.

“Oh, fuck, Chase,” Nate grunted. “Oh fuck, I’m getting close.”

“I’m not sure if I’ll come,” admitted Chase, “but I don’t care.”

“I care. I’ll take care of you, okay?” Nate’s blue eyes were warm and lustful and genuine.

All Chase could do was nod in response. Her head lolled over as she scraped her nails from his bicep to his back, digging so hard she nearly made him bleed, and dragged her nails down his back as he fucked her. She swore she could feel him in her stomach, but then it began to hurt.

“Nate,” she breathed. “Nate, stop.”

Nate froze and brought his hands up to cup Chase’s face. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I think we need more lube. It’s starting to hurt a little. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Nate said, kissing her forehead. Chase watched, eyes hazy. He reached over to grab the bottle of lube again, squeezing some onto his fingers, which he then slid inside Chase. He spread the lube around and pulled his fingers back out of her. He squeezed more lube on his dick, stroked it to spread it across himself, then closed the bottle.

“I’m ready when you are,” Chase said and reached out to hold his forearm.

“Okay,” Nate replied. He spread her legs again, then gripped himself and guided his dick inside her. Chase’s back arched as he slid into her. She relished in the feeling of him, pressing her lips together. Nate leaned back over her and began to re-establish the rhythm he’d had.

“I’m sorry,” Chase breathed again. “I know you were close.”

“Shut up, Chase,” Nate breathed back, hungrily kissing her as he snapped his hips against hers. “I’m basically back where I was, oh, fuck.”

Chase placed her hand on the back of Nate’s neck. “You gonna come for me, Nathan?” she teased.

“Shit,” Nate said through clenched teeth. “Shit, I’m gonna come for you.”

Chase pulled Nate’s face close to hers and whispered, “Come for me.”

“Oh,” Nate moaned loudly, spilling into the condom, “oh, fuck, oh my god, fuck!”

Nate’s hips stuttered to a stop and he closed his eyes, panting. He kissed her sweetly as he pulled out of her, making her whimper from the loss of heat and contact. Without a word, he kissed his way back down her body to settle between her legs again. He licked Chase’s clit and she jumped.

“Shit,” Chase squeaked.

Nate slid his tongue down through her folds to her entrance, then pushed it into her. Chase moaned, hands grabbing at him until he offered her one of his hands. He moved his other hand to her clit, softly circling it, and within moments, he had her coming on his tongue, his name spilling out of her mouth.

“Oh fuck, Nate,” Chase breathed. Her body was exhausted and spent, and she didn’t know if she could move.

“Are you good?” Nate asked, laying next to her and pushing her sweaty hair out of her face. “Can I get you anything?”

“Fuck, maybe a Gatorade?” Chase laughed.

Nate chuckled, “I bet I can do that. Let’s get cleaned up first, though. You know you should pee like, soon, right?”

Nodding, Chase said, “Yeah, but I don’t know if I have the energy to walk right now.”

“Need help?”

“I think so.” Chase was embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”

“Quit apologizing,” Nate said sharply. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Nate helped Chase sit up, then helped her to the bathroom. He pulled the condom off carefully and threw it in the trash, then took turns using the toilet and washing up. Nate went back into the bedroom and picked up Chase’s panties and his shirt.

“Here,” Nate said, handing it to her. “You can sleep in my shirt.”

Chase’s eyebrows furrowed. “Sleep? Here?”

“I’d, uh, I’d like to wake up with you, but I think we’re both too tired to go home.” Nate smiled softly.

“Oh.” Chase looked up at Nate. He was dead serious. God, he really did like her, huh?

“I mean, I can take you home if you want,” Nate added quickly.

“No no no. Let’s stay.” Chase stood on her tiptoes and kissed his nose. “But I definitely need that Gatorade.

Nate laughed, “I gotcha. Lemme get dressed.”

The two of them padded back into the bedroom, Chase pulling on her panties and Nate’s shirt, Nate pulling on only his boxers. Chase settled into the bed under the covers, grabbed her phone, and caught up on her notifications while Nate retreated downstairs for Gatorade.

Nate returned with his arms full of Gatorade, snacks, and phone chargers. “I thought you might be hungry,” he explained as he dumped the contents onto the bed, “and I know my phone is dead, so I stole a couple chargers too.”

“Thank you, Nate,” Chase giggled. “You’re very thoughtful.”

“Don’t tell anyone else that,” Nate joked as he climbed in bed with her. He grabbed one of the Gatorades, cracked it open, and drained it. He grabbed another and handed it to Chase, who opened it and took a few gulps.

Exhaustion hit Chase. “Oh shit,” she mumbled. “I’m fucking tired.”

“Me too,” Nate yawned.

“Can I, uh, can we cuddle?” Chase asked.

Nate smiled at her. “I was hoping we would.”

Chase grinned, put her Gatorade down, and scooted into Nate’s body, laying her head on his chest. His soft heartbeat was like a lullaby, and she knew she would be asleep soon.

“Nate?” she said sleepily.

“Yeah?”

“Please don’t let this be a one night thing.”

Chase felt Nate kiss her head. “Wouldn’t dream of it. Can I take you to breakfast in the morning?”

“Bold of you to assume I’ll be awake for breakfast.”

Nate chuckled. “Brunch? Lunch? Whatever meal we want when we get up?”

“That sounds perfect,” Chase giggled. “Goodnight, Nathan.”

“Goodnight.”

#nathan mackinnon #nathan mackinnon imagine #nathan mackinnon one shot #nathan mackinnon smut #nhl smut #nhl #colorado avalanche #nhl writing #hockey writing #hockey smut #colorado avalanche writing #colorado avalanche smut #avs

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herrlindemann · 1 year

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ROCK HARD - June 2004 - Interview with Paul Landers

Germany's currently most successful rock band was completely submerged for a year. Although the DVD 'Lichtspielhaus' was released recently, the actual concentration of the six Rammstein musicians is solely on the next studio album. Guitarist Paul Landers exclusively answered our questions shortly after Easter and revealed everything worth knowing about the upcoming record, about interpersonal problems within the band, about the relationship with Wladimir Klitschko and about the attempt to lyrically process a cannibal.

Paul, where are you right now?

At home in Berlin. Shortly before Easter we flew from Stockholm, where we are recording our new record, to Germany. Our producer and our mixer have families and children. That's why they just wanted to switch off over Easter.

Is this break in your interest, or did it burst into a creative phase?

Since we are also family people, we didn't find it bad at all. Olli likes to surf and tries to spend every free minute at the sea to quickly jump on a board. He spent Easter on the Baltic Sea, and now we're practically on our way to Stockholm again.

Before we get to Stockholm and the new record, I'd like to talk to you about the past.

Yes, so the band name comes from...(laughs)

Have you been listening to your previous albums, especially 'Mutter’, lately?

Yes. Recently, when we were in the middle of pre-production, I bought an mp3 player and put our albums on it. Then I walked around town all day and listened to all the songs we had.

Did you ever notice that at the time of your debut, 'Herzeleid’, everyone was philosophizing about the incredible guitar sound, but the true sound wonder 'Mutter’ was almost taken for granted?

I don't know now which is better and worse. At least the fact is that 'Herzeleid' sounds rawer. 'Mutter’, on the other hand, sounds smoother, more produced. However, 'Herzeleid' was then in a more extreme position than 'Mutter’ years later. Don't forget when the albums came out. 'Mutter' came out at a time (2001) when many other guitar bands were making records that sounded as good or better than our songs. That's why 'Mutter’ didn't go down in history as a milestone. In hindsight, I find 'Herzeleid' rather cute and today I don't think: Wow, what a sound!

Your producer was Jacob Hellner from the start. To exaggerate: when he hears his work on 'Mutter’, he should almost be ashamed of 'Herzeleid'.

He learned as much as we did and at the time did the best work he was capable of. Both he and we went to our limit at the time. When I see an old photo of myself, I feel ashamed of the clothes I wore back then. Then I think: man, what were you wearing back then? It becomes difficult when I already know now that I think it's very good and that in three years' time I'll also be ashamed. It's always like that.

And is it the same with your sound?

Exactly. At first you think in awe: Mannomann! That's what the Beatles used to think after hearing their four-track recordings. According to the motto: Now the bass drum really has steam (laughs)! And that's exactly how it is with us. When we hear our new songs today, we are totally blown away by the sound and think: Awesome! But in ten years the record will be in the oldie department.

It is said that with 'Mutter’ you couldn't repeat your previous success in the USA and instead had to start from scratch.

Not from the start. But we had a huge success with our second record 'Sehnsucht' and with the single 'Du hast'. That single did fantastic in the States and we had way more success than we could ever have imagined. We took this success for granted and thought: Alright, America is at our feet! Later we were surprised that 'Mutter’ wasn't doing so well.

At first we thought we had to play over there more often. So that's what we did. However, there was also the fact that a certain person, who had looked after us fantastically up until then, left our American record company. This person was infected by us and that is exactly why it is so valuable to us. And England showed that things can be done differently: 'Mutter’ was our most successful record there. All in all, it was certainly helpful for us to experience that things can go not only uphill, but also downhill. However, we were able to cope well with the decline in America because things were going very well in Europe.

Isn't it the case for rock bands in the USA: out of sight, out of mind?

No, because the closer Rammstein fan community isn't there like before. We are established in Europe. In the States, on the other hand, we are still considered exotic, a kind of insider tip with a certain, solid basis. And that base is about 2,000 people per concert. And the people who go beyond that base belong to the "out of sight, out of mind" category.

What were you doing at half past four in the morning on Easter Sunday?

Wait a minute, I can tell you exactly that: I just dreamed of a camel.

So you weren't sitting in front of the telly watching heavyweight boxing?

Klitschko? No, I have not.

I'm asking because your hit 'Sonne' was originally intended as a marching anthem for Wladimir Klitschko.

Yes, but the song was too hard for him.

Was the song really too hard, or do Klitschko think that Rammstein is an evil band?

Does that mean that Klitschko is too nice? Maybe (laughs). We thought it up really well: The whole arena counts — one, two, three, up to ten, and then "Out!”. Exactly at "Out!” Klitschko comes into the arena and goes to the ring. The moment he raises his arms in the ring, the chorus sounds: "Here comes the sun! “ That was the plan.

Anyway, the idea was great.

Yes, the idea was good. He should have done that, then maybe he wouldn't have suffered defeats. As for his last fight, I think someone put something in his water.

Maybe it was just fear that paralyzed him.

No, he was obviously in shape.

Or it was fear of one's own courage.

He may not have any courage to be afraid of. Ah, I don't know. Maybe someone who finds Rammstein too hard is too soft for boxing. He's too weak.

Was 'Sonne’ created specifically because of Klitschko?

Yes, if there hadn't been this request back then, the song wouldn't have existed like this. When the request came, Till sat down and described the topic of boxing in words so that it didn't seem so flat. And then the song came into being in the rehearsal room.

What if there was a request from hockey, football or wrestling?

Oh no, we like the Klitschkos. I also think that the two brothers still have their careers ahead of them.

In any case, one of your best songs ever remained from the failed story.

And that's why it didn't matter that things didn't work out with Klitschko. The song was good. In any case, we thought: You can't force someone to be happy. If someone really wants to march in to Tina Turner's 'You're Simply The Best', they can. It's a nice song too (chuckles).

And then there was a video clip with the big Snow White and you as six little dwarfs.

Yes, we generally try not to translate a video clip as a one-to-one text translation. In addition to the text, the viewer should be offered images that create another level that he would never reach without images.

Does the example 'Sonne' show that you are not fixed in terms of content and that you cannot be grasped, or does it show that the Rammstein brand is primarily about imagination?

It shows that we're pretty great. Before Snow White, we had the idea that there would be six of us on the plane that dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima.

You're not serious.

Yes! First comes the refrain - "Here comes the sun" - then the bomb goes off. However, we would have shown it as it really was. The pilots who sat in the atomic bomb planes are already dead. They took their own lives after being shattered by what they had done.

Immediately after the drop, one of the pilots yelled: "Oh, my God! What have I done?”

Exactly. The pilots had forfeited their lives. Anyway, we wanted to show how six people can do something like that.

Not a single music station would have broadcast this clip, especially not in the USA.

You shouldn't think like that. You have to think that you want to make a good video. Whether it will then be sent is the second question. However, that was one of many ideas that we ultimately scrapped. We now also calculate whether the masses could misunderstand us and our concerns. I can tell from your reaction that people wouldn't have understood us. At least I would have liked it if the atomic bomb had gone off in contrast to the beautiful chorus. Nobody could have resisted a corresponding feeling.

Certainly not. But the general public would completely misunderstand you. They would be outraged.

That's what everyone thinks. And that's why it's bullshit.

But what would have happened if it had worked out with Klitschko? Do you have an idea up your sleeve for this case?

Nope I don't know what would have happened then. Maybe then we would have done something together with Klitschko. But that would have been a shame, because we really enjoyed the Snow White story. The video shoot lasted two days. If we didn't feel like driving home from Babelsberg, we immediately slept in the little dwarf house. A friend of ours drove to the gas station and got a box with various drinks. After that we got locked in the studio and had a real dwarf party in the dwarf house. In the making-of part of the 'Lichtspielhaus' - DVD there is a place where Flake looks a bit disorganized and has some difficulties.

'Mutter’ was created to a large extent in a little house on the Baltic Sea...

The songs come from different places. But then we usually go to a place to record them as pre-production. As if summarizing all the notes. The last time the pre-production took place in Heiligendamm on the Baltic Sea.

The Baltic Sea seems to be very important to you, because some of you used to spend the summer time on the island of Hiddensee with your band Feeling B during the GDR era.

We still do. There are only two ways to go: Either you go to the mountains or to the sea.

Did you get to know each other better than ever in the little house in Heiligendamm - that is, in a small space?

No. The best way to get to know each other is on tour, because it doesn't get any closer than that. It's a bit like in the submarine. Every now and then you turn up and play a concert (laughs).

How did your new album come about? How can we imagine your new record without hearing a sound?

In contrast to our previous three albums, the new record was written in a different constellation. The ones who used to bring in a lot of ideas have stepped back this time, and those who used to have few song ideas are much more represented this time.

Who belongs to which group?

That is not important. It is important that the new album has a different tone color for the reason mentioned. And: In contrast to the last record, we had a lot of fun this time. The knot has broken. Also, due to time constraints for songwriting and pre-production, we didn't leave this time, but stayed in Berlin.

Does your statement mean that you had little fun working on 'Mutter'?

Yeah, 'Mutter’ really wasn't that much fun. The famous third album, as the saying goes. There were also personal reasons. After eight or nine years, the balance of power had shifted within the band. It actually happens in every band that Ritchie Blackmore quits because he can't go on with Jon Lord anymore. For years their friction was refreshing for the listeners, but at some point it gets on everyone involved so much that one has to drop out.

But nobody left Rammstein.

No, not that. But we also had gossip and stress between two people because of competence difficulties as well as over- and underestimation. We had to reorient ourselves. It also cracked. But — I knock on wood! — we got through it well, so we could work on the fourth album with fun.

You certainly don't want to mention the names of the two.

Correct. It can happen to anyone, because everyone is unreasonable from time to time.

Back to the richness of tone again: Can you speak of any major differences to 'Mutter’?

We tried to embed the vocals even more into the music. Or to put it another way: the music is more than ever a ring in which the singing comes into its own. Like ten white tigers. A platform, an aircraft carrier for the words (chuckles).

Very lyrically put...

Yes, I try to find the best words. In any case, the planes have to be able to take off nicely (laughs). Also, there are fewer riffs on the record because the guitars are kinda different.

More like a guitar rug?

I do not know it either. Somehow different. But there are people who have listened to it. In any case, for me the album is already different from 'Mutter’, and for the attentive Rammstein fan it certainly is too. Maybe not for my grandma, but every AC/DC song sounds the same to her. So do we: for some it will sound different, for others the new record is exactly the same. And both parties are probably right.

As someone who still appreciates your performance on 'Mutter’, I would like to say quite heretically: the new record can only be a disappointment. It's almost impossible to top 'Mutter’ or at least match it with an equal successor.

But I'm not making a record to top the last one. I always try to make a good album. Now that may sound boring. But your girlfriend won't break up with you either because you have a better...Okay, maybe that's a bad example (laughs).

You can really only find one girlfriend, any one. If you're lucky, it's a good one, and if you're unlucky, she looks pretty but she's daft. A woman can be pretty and everyone thinks, man, why doesn't he stay with her? But her character is completely insane. An album can also sound good, but it must also be fun to write this album. It has often been my experience that people who are less successful work very hard and without fun to be successful. And that, in contrast, people who tend to languish are mostly in good spirits. I have also met people who are very successful and who are totally relaxed.

What can I say: Metallica also continued after their black album. You don't write a good album so that you can't make another one afterwards. Rather, you try to make a good album every time. Or to put it diplomatically: another album, a further development.

Single song titles and various album titles are already floating around. Which titles actually exist?

First the record was going to be be called 'Amore', then 'Rosenrot', and finally we got to 'Rot'. At the moment it has no name at all and we call it 'The Red Album' in everyday parlance. We used to always choose the title after one of the songs, but that doesn't come out on this record. For example, a song is called 'Stein um Stein'. That somehow doesn't fit as an album title. So we're still looking. Another piece is called 'Rosenrot'.

Which is definitely about a woman...

It's about women always wanting something. And the man does it even though he knows it's not good — not good for either of them. But he does it anyway, and in the end he dies. What else can I tell you? A song about Moscow is included. And one about America.

Because you've been to both Russia and the US?

Not necessarily. One song is specifically about the city of Moscow. The America song is about our current relationship with America and the current situation. Lots of people bitch about America, opinion has swung against America a lot lately — because of that country's impeccable foreign policy (chuckles).

On the other hand, I looked in my closet. There were four jackets from America hanging in there. If you complain that the Americans get involved everywhere and are everywhere, then you should start with yourself. It's true that America is everywhere. But in many cases it can only be there because it is wanted. They don't force you to go to Burger King or put on Levi's. In this respect, it is about the positive and the negative in one whole.

A topic that would have been unthinkable at Rammstein five years ago.

Yes, but the America song in particular came to mind, because when we started work on the record, the Iraq war was on. You couldn't avoid that. We weren't looking for such a song theme, rather it was over-present.

By the way: Another innovation is that a little Russian and a little English is sung on the record. Possibly also French, but we don't know that yet. The album isn't designed to be international, but it's not one hundred percent German.

Russian isn't that far off.

Well, everything and nothing is far-fetched.

In any case, Russian fits very well with Till's form of expression.

We weren't specifically looking for that. It just turned out that way.

Richard Kruspe-Bernstein, your fellow guitarist, once said in an earlier interview that you want to make pop music with heavy riffs. Pop music also means that you reach a wide audience. At what point can one say in the case of Rammstein that you've reached a large audience, and at what point would an album be a flop in your eyes?

You have reached a broad mass when you look into the audience and there are men with mustaches standing there.

Everyone has a different definition of when an album is a flop. Personally, I don't go so much by sales numbers. Michael Jackson has sold about 40 billion or 40 million copies of 'Thriller' (laughs). The record after it only managed eight million and was a flop in his eyes and in the eyes of the media.

Eight million! That would be an absolute rocket for us. In this respect, it is a matter of opinion what a flop is.

Let's get back to the DVD 'Lichtspielhaus'. I find both the bank robbery clip and the making-of of 'Ich will’ impressive. This clip required tremendous acting. Did you have to practice for it, or did you develop a certain momentum during the shooting because you realized that the clip could be a real hit?

So if boys are allowed to play shooting, they don't need extra training for it. No, that was easy for us, especially since each of us has criminal tendencies. But it was also hard at times: after this shoot I wouldn't want to rob a bank because this special task force KSK — or SEK or something like that — is really tough. Richard told them not to go easy on it, just make it look real. The guys slapped us so brutally on the floor that my nose bled the first time I turned. You can't see that in the clip.

Unfortunately, the video didn't run very long on TV because it came at a time when two planes crashed into the World Trade Center. So people weren't too keen on a video clip of bank robbers taking hostages. Osama was first and we couldn't top that.

How big was the effort for this clip?

One day of shooting in and around the GDR State Council building.

How much does something like that cost?

You're asking the wrong person. In any case, our manager had negotiated a good video budget with the record company. Normally a band gets around 30,000 euros there. We had maybe 300,000 euros. I don't know, but I'm guessing. We were just lucky, because at that time the treaties from peacetime still existed before the whole dilemma began with the majors.

Your bass player Olli says in the making-of that your self-confidence when it comes to your own songs is washed. Does that mean that you weren't particularly comfortable with your early songs, with which you had incredible success?

No, we were just six naïve East Germans who were let loose on trained journalists. And we've awkwardly tried to resist things we shouldn't have resisted. When I read or listen to our old interviews, I always feel a bit ashamed. On the one hand we had no idea and on the other hand we always meant the best. But actually, from today's perspective, it's just embarrassing.

If people accused me of being right-wing radicals today, I would just giggle. In the past, I would have launched a lengthy defense speech. Kind of like: "But we... There and there..."

At that time, after all these accusations, we only started to think about who we are, what we have done and where we wanted to go. In the beginning we just started without thinking about what we are doing.

The piece 'Ich will’ is to be seen as a homage to being a rock star.

Exactly.

Other bands behave in an awkward manner on stage, annoy with percussion solos and animate with “Heyheyhey!” - and “Ohohoh!” - Call the audience to participate. You've exacerbated the whole thing by making fun of it.

The song is typical for us, because it's meant to be ironic, but then again it's not. Of course we're making fun of bands that start these join-in choirs. But we use it ourselves. We're also happy when people stand down and raise their arms and sing along. When we played 'Seemann' for the first time, we were terribly embarrassed that lighters were waved in the audience. It's okay now because it's part of it.

But there are different ways of animation. You can stand at the edge of the stage like Robbie Williams or Fred Durst and put your hand to your ear, which I find totally disgusting. I find sayings like: “Oh, this city here, Berlin. I love you, it's insane. It's the best concert of the whole tour." This is disgusting gluttony. But either people don't notice it or they don't see it as a prank. In this respect, these musicians should continue to do so.

You, on the other hand, generally don't talk on stage.

The man from the 'Tagesschau' doesn't say anything between the news either. He just presents the facts. It must be enough.

So Rammstein live means: facts, facts, facts.

(Laughs) We let the flames speak for us and don't have to say anything about it. There are many bands that don't talk. And there are bands that I find it cute when they talk a lot. For example Die Ärzte. I think the announcements are better than the music. When Farin talks, I'm happy.

What influence do daily events around the world and looking at the newspaper in the morning have on your ideas for songs and lyrics?

There are influences. For example, we're considering putting a piece about Armin Meiwes, the cannibal from Rotenburg, on our album.

Meiwes was convicted of eating another man...

What do you say: would you have judged him?

Morally, ha. I don't know whether he can be legally convicted.

Morally? Not that. He is legally to be condemned.

If you asked me to cook and eat you...

I would not do that.

But what if. And suppose I actually ate you. Then I would be a creature who should also be condemned from a moral point of view...

You cook your soup chicken too, and it didn't even ask you to. I find it a bit cheeky: When two people make up, one person asks, "Will you marry me?”, and the other one says “Yes, okay!”, because as a third party you don't interfere in their affairs. That's what the two actors in the cannibal story wanted. And if they were fine doing it, I see no reason to get involved.

That's what the stuff movies are made of.

If we did a music video about it, we could take parts from the original video that was shown in court.

But back to the topic: We can't imagine in our imagination that there are people who think it's good when they're peed on. Or that men who work in managerial positions find it good to be humiliated and whipped in a brothel. But there's all that, and there's a lot more, a lot more crass stuff. And when one of the crass things comes to light, everyone is suddenly surprised. Although such things always and everywhere exist.

And what if a cannibal goes unpunished, finds the next victim, kills and eats them against their will - but claims it was consensual?

He can have this confirmed in writing beforehand, quasi by a notary. Like euthanasia, which I support, by the way. I also think it's crazy that you have to buckle up in the car. Everyone should decide for themselves whether they want to buckle up or not. In general, I find the prescribing of security stupid. Everyone should do what they want. I don't mean speed limits in dangerous places. If someone is so stupid and thunders around the corner too fast, they should be punished for it. But if he doesn't want to buckle up, he's supposed to have the right to die on the tree.

Or traffic lights on the street: I have never signed anywhere in my life with which I agreed that I could go green and have to stop at red. I think it's cheeky that I have to stick to these rules. There used to be a forest here through which you could walk freely. Today there is a street with a traffic light. Actually, every citizen should take an oath at the beginning of his life: "I am willing to submit to myself here.” Instead, you are born and you are told: “Well, now join in here! Go join the army and get yourself shot for us! Pay taxes and stop at red”.

Were you in the army?

No, I didn't have time for that. But I pay quite a lot of taxes. If I get two apples from my record company, I have to give one apple back immediately.

#Rammstein #Paul Landers #2004 #interview #translation #*

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starwalker03 · 6 months

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You’re a bartender? Assign drinks to some of your favorite characters

ooooooooooooooof. wait.

because like. is this what I think they'd like? what I think "represents" them? what I think they'd order? there's too many options here and I have not been a bartender for long enough to know enough drinks.

My favourite characters? damn. I immediately forgot every blorbo I have lmao.

Nightwing's gotta be first. He's complicated cause I'd imagine all the batkids are trained by batman to be weary of alcohol because it impedes brain function. He probably sticks to low percentage things in general. I'm pretty sure he's also canonically a sweet tooth? and if not I think he would be. So I don't think he's a beer guy. Probably when he was younger and that's just What You Do when you're that age and start drinking cause you think 'I'm a guy so i gotta drink beer'. once he's older I figure he's more of a mixer guy, like hard soda, cruisers, that kind of thing. still one drink per serve, not super strong, mostly sugar.

If he's in a situation where he's all for getting drunk and is comfortable doing so, I can see him as a cocktails guy. He strikes me as a jalapeno margarita type. I don't think he's big into shots or anything cause he's still got that ingrained discomfort, but y'know, sweet things that are two standard drinks and only about 100mLs all up.

Honourable mention to Wally West cause I can't think of one without the other right now.

Wally can't get drunk. So to him the most important thing here is taste. I think he's a sweet tooth type. french martini or one of those fruit tingle type situations. Maybe like, a frozen drink? I could see him liking pina coladas. If this is a getting drunk situation and he's trying to get drunk quick, I could see him being the type to order a long island iced tea, even though it's usually only made with a shot and a half in most bars and is a huge red flag. eventually someone would tell him he's wasting time and taste buds, cause long islands are served in a highball and honestly taste like crap.

Okay so Kaldur'ahm. Kaldur'Ahm and alcohol is a thought.

I feel like alcohol isn't a huge thing in Atlantis, like most beverages, cause they're in the water. I can't get into world building about dining and such in an underwater setting right now cause I'll be here for hours. But I think drinking isn't a big thing down there yknow? Then on top of that, Kaldur has a high tolerance to poisons (I think young justice just says jellyfish toxin? but I feel like poison in general makes sense for him) so alcohol takes a lot for him.

I feel like he discovers mead and really likes it. there's some really interesting things you can do with mead, especially with saltier palettes, that I think Kaldur, being Atlantean, would appreciate.

When out partying, though, I think he just does shots. cause if he's just drinking to get drunk then what's the point, y'know? just give him some vodka, preferably like three shots of the stuff in one go, and he's good.

man. Favourite characters. hmmmm.

Hiccup Haddock. So he's a viking, like. mead is already on the table. looking at modern drinks, though. going off of mead being something he probably canonically likes. we're looking at sweet but also bitterness from the aging process and a depth of flavour. I think he'd be into scotch, similar depth to flavour and palette, with a smoky edge to it that I think is very "viking core" or whatever. being a dragon rider and all he's probably used to smokiness in food/drink. I'd make him a good riff on an old-fashioned with scotch instead of bourbon, and maybe something with honey and orange bitters as well. that kinda flavour profile.

Leonardo, of mutant ninja turtle fame, is a thought.

I mean it depends on the iteration. I'm mostly familiar with 2012, 2007 and 2018 (stares at word doc of fic where I mix all three) and I feel like all three of them wouldn't be huge drinkers. but if they were to drink, I'd go with a warm cocktail, perhaps with a tea base. those are very fun. whiskey-honey-chamomile or something of the sort. or perhaps fruity teas with tequila or rum.

Merlin, of BBC's Merlin show, already is seen to be drinking ale in the show. I don't think he hates it. Ale of the time wouldn't have bee particularly great, but he seems to drink it without complaint for the most part.

beers and ales have come a long way and I think he could definitely find something he liked from amber or dark ales, perhaps even as far as guineas. If asked to make him a cocktail, though, I'd try for something bitter, possibly gin-based? in my experience some of those can be interestingly dry. or maybe a highball topped with cider? oooh maybe a moscow mule would be the vibe. sub the mint for rosemary and add a really dry ginger syrup in? or cut the lime juice with ginger juice or something like that.

I could keep thinking of blorbos but I'd be here all night.

#dc comics #dick grayson #young justice #nightwing #wally west #kid flash #kaldur #kaldur’ahm #aqualad #hiccup haddock #httyd #leonardo tmnt #bbc merlin #bartending #cocktails #jab rambles

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plainemmanem · 2 years

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ugh pls cause ur so right

greasy steve is so grody and i just know I’d have the hots for him irl

euuuuu im imagining him absolute dragging some girl along who has a mindset of “I can fix him” and he can see it from a mile away. He lets her think she’s getting away with it, letting her fuss over his clothes and buy him different shampoos and conditioners and gets closer and closer to her until she finally lets him hit and BOOM her ass is ghosted

She thought she’d be different from all his other hoes 🤭 sorry girl

He’s 100% a pump and dump. His “walk of shame” after leaving a girls apartment is barely different from his “I woke up ten minutes ago” walk to Taco Bell for his morning baja blast because he’s always greasy and rumpled despite where he was or where he’s going.

He’s got major chin acne. That’s not even important I just like. Feel it in my Heart.

He’s such a perv too? Some girl at a party shows interest and if she’s wearing a skirt he’s unashamed in sticking a hand between her thighs and fingering her, no matter if they’ve made it to a private room. Multiple times (countless tbh) he’s fingered a girl in an open hallway, pressing kisses down her neck as she whined his name and pawed at his hand, squealing abt people seeing them

(He’s got a thing for it tho. Total exhibitionist and voyeur. Like 1000% gets off on being watched or watching others. His “my eyes only” on snap is entirely just him fucking other girls. It’s ridiculous.)

He’s the type of guy to have an apartment with a mattress on the floor, a ps4, a tv, and a plastic lounge chair. His fridge has ketchup, mustard, hot dogs, and beer. He has one plate and one fork. He is NASTY. But somehow manages to be the hottest guy around and gets so many girls all the time he’s irresistible because despite the GRIME he’s charismatic and flirty and sweeps ladies off their feet like a pro

And I want him 😐 I NEED him

did you even think about the effect this would have on me before sending it in. did you even CONSIDER it. kay i’m not sleeping tonight ig

the BAJA BLAST OH- i also see him having his morning cigarette and diet coke as he scrolls through tinder out on his little studio balcony in those fucking flannel pajama pants and a grey sleep shirt that hugs his biceps and no socks on.......

he can cook (barely) but he NEVER gets food for his apartment because he never has people over for dinner (he always goes out or when he brings girls home theyre not exactly staying for dinner) so he only gets like bread and butter and cheese for a grilled cheese or peanut butter and jelly or he always just gets takeout or pizza or something if hes not going out to a bar that night.

he is such a manipulator like the type to shower a girl in compliments and take her out on a date and schmooze her and then she'll stay the night at his place and then he'll pull the "oh shit, i'm so sorry, but i forgot i have a meeting this morning at work:( so im gonna have to kick you out :( ill call you though" and he'll completely ghost her for the next month until she gets the hint. someone will ask him the next day "oh how rebecca?" and he's like "who???" and theyre like "steve. the girl you brought back to your place last night????" and he has NO recollection of her . hes like "what was she wearing????" bc hes gross

i feel he has this one particular shitty ex from like high school that hes so toxic with like she will call him and fight with him on the phone over nothing or he'll get really drunk one night and call her and tell her how much he misses her and how he fucked up to bad breaking up with her and then she'll come over and theyll sleep together and in the morning he's such an asshole to her and they get into this huge blowup before having hate sex and he kicks her out.. just to call her again like week later when he's bored

he LOVES doing shit in public because hes crazy. like youll be at a mixer or something (and first of all, hes way too underdressed, but he still looks so hot like how) and he'll pull you over into a quite hallway and start mauling your neck and whispering little compliments to you and youre melting in his arms because is so .... hot... and then youre making out for a few minutes and his hand starts creeping his hand up your inner thigh and youre like "steve- wha-" and he just kisses you so hard to shut you up and hes sinking his fingers into you and whispering against your neck "hey hey relax you need this, itll be so quick" and youre just gripping onto him as he keeps moaning into your ear and fingering you in the OPEN HALLWAY and he makes you cum SO fast and then hes dragging you to the bathroom to fuck you properly with a hand clamped over your mouth and he doesnt even take his pants off all the way, theyre just around his ankles hngggggh

and he watches the GRIMIEST porn too and hes definitely had a threesome before and he LOVES telling the story to friends because hes an asshole and YET, AND YET, he still gets so much play because hes so hot and confident in the filthiest way possible. he quite literally goes home with a new girl every night. hes sick and hes twisted and i wanna put him in my mouth

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington smut

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fratboykate · 11 months

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Ok, I have a dumb admission and a question. What's the difference between a cinematographer and a director?? Like I thought "cinematographer" was just what pretentious Directors called themselves, otherwise I must confess that I don't know what a Director does 😅.

bro the way i LAUGHED. ive been laughing since i saw this yesterday but i only just sat down to do what im going to show you below so this is when im replying. but also......concerning??? im not coming at YOU directly but this is why i hate seeing people go off talking about the industry online when 95% of you don't grasp even the most basic things about how any of this works. serious question.....have you neverrrrrr seen even the oscars' nominee list??? anyyyyyy awards show??? directing and cinematography are two different categories because they're two completely different jobs done by different people lol. this is so funny.

look, this is going to be a broad generalization because for obvious reasons a studio project and a more independent film are going to be set up/come to be in veryyyy different ways but lets do the most basic breakdown. the easiest way to explain what a director does is imagining that every film/episode of TV is a company and the director is, for all intents and purposes, the CEO of that company for however long the project is going.

i made a little super basic hierarchy flowchart: (you have to click on it to enlarge it)

film sets typically have at the very least 50 people on crew and can go up to like 300 so, again, this is simplified as fuck but these are the major departments/departments heads. depending on the project you'd just have a lot more people below each department head. for clarity the department heads are: 1st AD, cinematographer, production designer, costume designer, sound mixer, hair stylist, make-up, etc. if a project demands it you'd also have other departments like stunts and what not. art department tends to grow EXPONENTIALLY the bigger the project. if you have to build or dress huge sets then you obviously need a lot more people with different specialties (carpenters, painters, etc). this is also only ON SET departments. there's also post-production which the director also supervises but that's a whole other beast.

there's a huge misconception that producers are the "bosses" of the director but in a film - i'd say at least 50% of the time - producers are collaborators with the director. for example, i write a script and my agents take it out. a producer attaches themselves and because im also a director obviously i'd want to direct the project. at that point the producer and i come together to make the film happen. they're not my boss because i wrote the script. it's my project. they're simply coming on board to work WITH ME to get it packaged, financed, and into production. that changes a little if you're coming onto say something like a blockbuster or something part of a franchise because then you are in more of a "work for hire" situation so the studio producer would be above the director in that scenario. BUT they're still hiring that director to be the CEO of the production. it's kind of like how a board hires a CEO in a company to lead even thought they can technically fire them at any moment. there is some oversight but the director is still the boss of everyone else and runs the set/day to day operations.

now, to what exactly a director does...a director is the creative force behind a project. each and every one of those hundreds of people on crew are there to make a director's vision come to life. a director takes a script and translates their interpretation of it to the screen. they are the ones who make every single decision from who gets cast, to where you're shooting, what the characters are wearing, what couch they're sitting on, where the camera is placed, etc. every single damn decision runs through the director. not only are they the brain of the operation but they are the ONLY ones who deal with actors. they alone control an actor's performance. as a director i guide them to give me what i want. gross simplification but directors are basically an actor's puppeteer. yes, it's a collaborative process but at the end of the day a director doesn't have to agree with an actor's input and whatever the director says will trump anything else. a director is the ultimate arbiter of all aspects of a performance and if they want to control the smallest detail (say like...how and when an actor moves a finger) they can and will. again, everyone on set including actors is under the purview of the director and do anything the director says. it tends to be less dictatorial than that because people like to collaborate, but there are directors who run their sets like military boot camps where no one has a voice but them. it can be a dick move if they don't handle it correctly, but they're within their right to do so. everyone has their own approach.

this is different in TV though. a showrunner is above a director in every way. the showrunner is the creative vision of a show but often times they're not a director. so they'll bring in directors to run sets. however in TV directors are always taking pointers from the showrunners. when we direct an episode of TV we have to have meetings with showrunners and they explain to us what they want then, with script in hand, we go out and do our thing to make the showrunner's vision come to life. that is even more of a "work for hire" situation than a studio film. especially because the crew for the show is there for the entire season while directors are only there for an episode or two. you're really just being hired to keep the machine going for a week but you don't have much control at all. a showrunner can and will override you on almost any decision if they think you're straying. it is undoubtedly much more nuanced and complicated than this, but if you want me to give you the super blunt and oversimplified version of tv direction i'd say that unless you're directing the pilot, an episodic director who comes in to direct something random like episode 2x07 is basically there to work with the guest stars/day players and make sure the wheels don't fall of a train that was already in motion. you're really only there to manage people for the 7-8 days it takes to shoot an episode and to yell "action" and "cut" lol. when you come into an ongoing series, at that point the leads already know their characters and there's a visual language cemented for the show. you're simply there to follow all of that and color between those lines. tv directing is much less creative than people think. it's more managerial than anything. you're a guest in someone else's house. you're basically house sitting for a week. sure you can move the furniture around a little and set the plant by that other window while you're in the house but you can't suddenly decide to remodel the kitchen and install a pool in the backyard because...that ain't your house. you're just visiting and the owners expect to, for the most part, find their house as it was when they gave it to you because the moment you leave, another housesitter is coming to take over for another week. i hope that analogy made sense lol.

a cinematographer (interchangeable/synonymous with "director of photography") works FOR the director. they have their own department and team of people they oversee but, like everyone else, they're there to serve and execute the director's vision. cinematographers are first and foremost technicians. their work is SUPER hands-on and complex. they are the ones who work with cameras and lighting. a director can give instructions as simple as "i want this to be a close-up of her face. it's half in silhouette because the scene is moody. its supposed to be windy outside so i also want to see shadows in the back wall of the tree branches swaying violently to convey that." the cinematographer's job is to take that direction and make it happen. they're going to tell their teams what lights to use, how/where to rig them, what gear they need, etc. it's kind of like if you go to a tailor because you want a jacket. you know exactly what type of jacket you want and you may even bring references because you have such a clear idea. you know everything down to the color and style but you can't sew. the tailor is the one who knows how to make the patterns then stitch them together with their machine. you bring in the design/idea and the tailor fabricates it. the director has the vision and the cinematographer + their team are the ones who take that idea and make it happen practically. a lot of directors can also speak the technical DP language and have deep understanding of lights, gear, cameras, and lenses. many directors can and will tell their cinematographer exactly what lens they want and what light they want placed where. but a director doesn't have to know all of that or know more than the basics. they also won't physically do any of the manual labor to put all that together because that's the job of the camera and g&e (grip & electric) teams that the cinematographer oversees. the cinematographer is there to have that knowledge and be able to translate even the most basic of instructions into all the technical things that need to happen to put that instruction on screen.

anyway...ive ranted enough. just trust when i tell you everything in this industry is complicated and unless you actually work day in and day out in this shit YOU HAVE NO IDEA. the idiots on twitter like "i took a film class in college so im an expert"...go fuck yourself lol. you know nothing. this whole thing is so complicated on the inside that during the strike a plethora of us have noticed and are pointing out that even a lotttttttt of critics who make a living out of talking about film and tv have no fucking clue how the sausage is made. just go look for the tweets. there's more than enough writers speaking up about it. it's been SHOCKING. so many of us have been going like "uhhhhhhhhhhhhh how are people who write about this every day this ignorant about things that should be basic???" unless you're in it you don't know anything and ill forever stand by that.

#i think its been a while since you made me go on a full 'papi rant' lol #no one's gonna read all that but at least i answered your question with all the things i thought you'd need to get the bare minimum #at least #anonymous #answers #hollywood

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