#im not like really into cnc so i didn't take it there
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being bred over and over again. being pinned down somehow or maybe tied up while they keep pounding into you and cumming inside and repeating the process because they want to knock you up, they need you to be filled with their seed and they are going to make that happen. being fucked until your hole is getting sore and you're turning whiny and overstimulated while they just keep going and telling you to get pregnant already
#jack.txt#tw pregnancy#t4t nsft#nsft trans#trans nsft#nblnb nsft#nb nsft#nblm nsft#nblw nsft#im not like really into cnc so i didn't take it there#but im maybe thinking of a scenario of like. idk suggesting that it's starting to be a bit much while they keep going#plap plap get pregnant VS pls im so full and my pussy is sore umu. you know? is this anything?
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Dont Piss Me Off- Sukuna
📸:villain_lady on IG
pairing: Sukuna x fem!reader
CW: established relationship, angry sex, rough sex, cnc kinda???, ass/pussy slapping, dom!sukuna, unprotected sex, creampie, mentions breeding, pet names, lil tiny fluff at the end
wc: 1.8k
You tried your best to stay calm but the fact that you spent the whole day cleaning the house while your boyfriend, Sukuna, did nothing had your blood boiling
He typically helped and you both split the chores evenly but today he played his game the whole. Fucking. Day
Tears stung your eyes as you continued folding laundry. You wanted to walk into the room so bad, tear the game off the dresser, and toss it out the window but you knew the best thing to do was to try and talk it out calmly
After you finished the laundry you walked in the room and decided to confront him
“Sukuna, we need to talk” you said with your arms crossed
He didn't even look away from his game to acknowledge you
“Im serious we need to talk,now” you raised your voice as you spoke
“Yeah okay, in a minute Y/N i'm in the middle of this right now” he said as he continued to stare at the screen in front of him.
That shit pushed you to your breaking point. After working hard all day making sure your house is spotless he had the audacity to brush you off??
“See this is the shit I'm talking about. Fuck you ,Sukuna, you do nothing but piss me off” you stated plainly even though you were fighting back tears
He finally looked up from the game and shit you a puzzled look. He was shocked to hear you cursing at him, something you rarely ever did.
You were glad that he was finally acknowledging you but the fact that it took you getting loud made you even angrier.
“You're pathetic. You seriously mean to tell me I have to talk to you like this to get your attention? Fucking ridiculous”
You turned to leave to room so you could take a minute to breathe but sukuna stood up and grabbed your arm
“What's your problem?” he asked while he held onto you
“Don't touch me!” you yelled as you tried to push him with your free hand
He quickly grabbed your other arm and lightly pinned both of them to your side so you couldn't move. You tried to get out of his grasp but he was too strong. You sighed in defeat and looked up at your boyfriend, tears running down your face
“I have spent the whole entire day cleaning” you said between sniffs, “and not once did you get off your stupid game to help me”
“Why didn't you just ask me to help” he asked bluntly and shrugged his shoulders
His response did nothing but bring back your anger. You couldn't stand how nonchalant he was being.
You tried getting out of his grip again and tried to push him away
“The fuck off me suku-”
“Stop talking to me like that” he said, cutting you off
“No, you made me mad. You didn't do shit all day now you're acting like it's not a big deal. Boy fuck you!” you said angrily
“Y/N” he spoke softly, “i'm going to ask you one more time to not talk to me like that. We can talk about this calm-”
It was now your turn to cut him off
“Fuck talking calm! I tried coming in here to talk to you calmly and you ignored me. Now that I gotta get loud it's an issue? I dont give a fuck i really dont”
Sukuna looked down at you and clenched his jaw. The grip he had on both of your wrists tightened and he used his body to press you against the wall.
He hated when you talked to him like this. It was the one thing that he hated the most about you fighting with him. Cursing in your everyday talk never bothered him but cursing at him? He hated it
He dropped one of your wrists and grabbed your jaw to force you to look up at him.
“I just told you not to curse at me but you still do it” he said through clenched teeth
“And I told you I don't care,” you mumbled. It was hard for you to speak with his hand on your jaw
The grip tightened and you knew you wouldn't be able to respond anymore. You tried pushing him off you one more time but to no avail. Your large boyfriend was not budging.
Sukuna’s eyes darkened and he sighed out in frustration
“You just can't listen, can you? You refuse to talk to me in a calm manner and now it’s come to this” he moved his face closer to yours as he spoke
“Get on the bed right now” he commanded
You tried to speak to say no but the grip he still held on your jaw made it impossible. You shook your head no and never broke eye contact with him.
No matter the circumstance you loved challenging Sukuna. You always liked to see how far you could push him.
He wasn't in the mood for your shit. He took your arm and dragged you to the bed and threw your body onto it as if you were a ragdoll.
“Don't piss me off Y/N” he said aggressively
Your anger turned to lust and all your feelings rushed to your cunt. He had pissed you off by ignoring you but your attitude pissed him off even more and you knew exactly what you were going to get in return.
Sukuna flipped you onto your stomach and crawled over you. He grabbed a handful of your hair and pulled it so that you were looking up at him
“You know i don't like when you don't listen, Y/N” he said to you
“And i don't care” you said back, knowing it would push him over the edge
He kissed his teeth and pushed your head down. He got off the bed and removed his shorts and briefs. His hard dick sprung out and you squirmed in anticipation of what was about to happen to your body.
He harshly smacked your ass causing it to sting.
“stop moving” he said before grabbing your shorts and pulling them off in one swift motion, taking your soaking wet panties off with them.
He roughly grabbed your hips and lifted your ass in the air. Your pussy was on full display in front of him. He could see just how wet you were as your pussy throbbed around nothing
He gave your cunt a harsh smack and you hissed from the pain mixed with pleasure.
Sukuna got back on the bed behind you and lined his bright pink tip with your needy hole.
He shoved his whole length in you, not even giving you a chance to adjust to his size. He groaned as he quickly bottomed out.He wasted no time and began fucking you harshly. His hips slapped hard against your ass with each thrust.
Your walls were clenching around him causing him to moan. You were a mess under him
“Su-sukuna, fuck!” you whined out
Your moans were answered with yet another hard smack on your ass, you were sure it would leave a print
“Don't speak, i don't want to hear your voice again” he said as he fucked into you harder
The large vein that ran down the length of his thick shaft was rubbing you in that sweet spot that drove you insane
You continually fought the urge to whine and tell your boyfriend how close you are. You felt your body get hot and your climax grew deeper in your core.
Your whole body shook as you reached your climax. You wanted to scream but your very mean boyfriend already told you not to speak and you can't imagine the punishment you’d receive if you disobeyed him.
You let out a small whimper as you reached the end of your orgasm. Sukuna laughed at how you were shaking and whining.
He aggressively grabbed your body and flipped you onto your back. He grabbed your thighs and pushed them up to your chest then slid his dick back into your aching cunt
You bit your lip to try and stop your moans but he leaned down right above your face
“Go ahead mama, you can whine for me” he spoke before placing a sloppy kiss on your lips
“Daddy, right there!” you whined out. Your boyfriend was hitting your sweet spot again and you knew you would cum quickly for him again
One thing about sukuna, he made sure you always had more than one orgasm for him.
He pressed his weight onto you and shoved his dick in you deeper. His tip was abusing your cervix
“d-daddy , i can't take it!”, tears formed in your eyes as you looked up at him, hoping he’d give your body some mercy
“Now the little princess can't take it,hm? The way you were talking earlier made me think you could take it. Where's that attitude now baby?” his voice was low as he hovered right above your face
No matter how much you begged Sukuna didn't let up one bit. He continued to give your cunt deep, hard strokes. You whined and cried under him and it gave him motivation to keep going
You felt your orgasm building once again, “im so close daddy” you cried out
“Mhm mama cum for daddy”, he groaned in response
Your legs shook violently as you came undone for your boyfriend. His strokes became erratic meaning he was nearing his own climax
“Want me to fuck a baby into you?” he asked as he started speeding up
He knew you were on birth control but you both loved the idea of breeding when you were having sex. You loved the way it feels when he fills you up
You nodded in response to his question. He leaned down and gave you a messy kiss. His tongue intertwined with yours and he groaned in your mouth.
Sukuna reached his climax and shot hot ropes into you. He put your legs down and slowly slid out of you
He laid next to you and wrapped his arms around your body as you both came down from your high.
He placed a soft kiss on your temple, “im sorry baby i was distracted by my game and completely let it slip my mind that today is cleaning day” he pulled you in closer and placed more kisses all over your face
He then got up out of the bed and slipped his clothes back on. He walked back over to the bed and put the blanket on you
“Just lay down okay, I'll put away all the laundry and wash the dishes. You want korean bbq tonight?”
“Yes please. And i'm sorry for yelling at you” you said as you looked at him with a sad expression
“It’s okay mama I should have listened” he leaned over and gave you a kiss then he left the room and closed the door behind him as he walked out
You laid in bed and dozed off as your boyfriend finished the chores.
Rachel
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im screaming...! requests are open and i wanna indulge in silly dark fantasies ahahah :3
stepbro!kaeya eats out stepsis!reader (*´˘`*)♡ id really like for some bdsm too.. just reader being unable to move while her big brother devours her aahahhahaha (/ω＼)
I love kaeya, yiippee!! ♡(> ਊ <)♡
ෆ Stepbro!Kaeya X Stepsis! Reader [she/her/you/your]
— Synopsis:: your older step brother decides to let you stay at his house but he seems to have different ideas and you don't mind it!
CW. Stepcest, BSDM, pussy eating, marking(he marks her inner thighs), noncon(?), dubcon(?), CNC(?), pussy fingering, could be read as Afab reader, I use you/your pronouns so it can be read as Afab or fem! (＾3＾♪
A/N :: Nggh, Kaeya is so pretty, silly brother who will lick and touch you! Different format— written by a minor
[MASTERLIST] — ୧(＾ 〰 ＾)୨ all works in there!!
STEPBRO!Kaeya who lets you to stay with him after your parents want to move out! He was so sweet to let you stay with him! :3
STEPBRO!Kaeya who touches you! Touches your leg, your chest and lower than you expected! His touches feel so nice and comforting! He could never do harm to you!(´ε｀ )
STEPBRO!Kaeya who takes care of you! He will take care of his little sister! Making sure your okay and comfortable! He even teaches you how to cook, and cook, and take care of yourself when he isn't home! ヘ（。□°）ヘ
STEPBRO!Kaeya who goes in your room when your asleep and he comes back late! He watches over you while he looks for your used panties so he can use! (•ө•)♡
STEPBRO!Kaeya who makes weird noises while your asleep and when he is in his room! He keeps making so much weird noises! ♡(> ਊ <)♡
STEPBRO!Kaeya who decides to do his actions, he was been holding back! He decides to let himself and you feel good! He makes you take a sleeping pill so you don't wake up! (๑˙❥˙๑)
STEPBRO!Kaeya who ties you up with handcuffs he took from his job! Making sure it's not to deep so it doesn't hurt you! He slowly lifts up your pajamas as he stares at your panties! (♡ω♡ ) ~♪
STEPBRO!Kaeya who pulls your panties to the side as he looks at his prize! He gulps as he leans down and takes a lick! He began to lick and suck on your cunt as he jumps the bed! He gets hard easily when it comes to you! (；^ω^）
STEPBRO!Kaeya who sticks his tongue in your cunt! His tongue swirling around while you moan in your sleep! Your pussy drooling out juices as he laps it up! (๑•﹏•)
STEPBRO!Kaeya who puts a digit in your cunt, his finger as his mouth is on your pussy! Your cunt letting out more of your sweet juices, his hips continue to hump the bed as he continues to lap up and finger you! (｡・//ε//・｡)
STEPBRO!Kaeya who gets makes your inner thigh while his fingers pump into you! He will make sure that anyone will know you belong to him! ( ◜‿◝ )♡
STEPBRO!Kaeya who gets happy and more horny once your cunt squirts out juices over his face! Your sweet liquid all over his face while he licks his lips! ꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖
STEPBRO!Kaeya who pretends that he doesn't know how your panties and bedsheets got all wet! Or how you got marks over your thighs! He didn't do anything, be swears! (｡ﾉω＼｡)
STEPBRO!Kaeya who thinks that he should man up and make moves on you so that he can do the same thing on you when your awake! He can't wait for you to be awake next time! ｡:ﾟ(;´∩`;)ﾟ:｡
#kittytail#kittymilk#kittypussy#kittyorgans#cw.stepcest#tw.stepcest#kaeya x reader#kaeya alberich x reader#genshin impact smut#kaeya x reader smut#genshin impact x reader#genshin smut#genshin x reader#x reader smut#afab reader#afab reader smut#female reader#female reader smut#x female reader#fem reader#x afab reader#tw.incest
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the nun and the soldier
A/N; I ACTUALLY DREAMED ABOUT THIS AND THOUGHT LOL WHAT A GOOD IDEA FOR AN OS
Pairing; "[REDACTED]" x AFAB!Reader
CW; cnc? for someone who doesnt know how to put limits the line is very blurry, you will guess / daddy kink but in a priestly way / def religion kink, breeding but im not sure if its just a kink, worship but im not sure who worships who the most / this is more like an au like 1940 battlefield where [REDACTED] is a soldier and MC a nun
The night was like a classic old horror movie scene.
And how not to be scared? Outside the cathedral it was raining heavily, the skies were roaring from the electrical storm and the only lighting was the holy candles, that place was a refuge for the homeless.
After all, many people needed comfort in times of war.
You had decided to stay until midnight, praying to your father to protect the soldiers in battle, that the families would stop going hungry, you held the wooden cross that hung from your chest so tightly, begging for the massacre to stop, the times They brought sadness to the entire nation and God had to save them.
A loud clap of thunder echoed outside the cathedral and the doors were opened, the cold of the night and the wind caused the flame of some candles to go out, so holding the cross tightly to your chest you turned to see who dared to break in. with such violence in the house of God.
"Who's there?" You asked as you walked towards the huge wooden gate.
A man in uniform walked in, soaked from the rain, he looked tired, hungry, hurt, he barely made eye contact with you you felt a chill run through your entire body, not just because of the weather.
"I need food" He was a soldier, you nodded immediately and helped him walk to take a seat on one of the benches while you went to the warehouse for something the man could eat, there was food stored that was going to be donated, or that's what the priest said.
You returned with canned food and some water for the stranger, who snatched your things to eat like a dying dog, water running down his chin and eating haphazardly as he breathed heavily.
"Sir, are you okay? Where is he coming from?" You didn't avoid being curious when asking those questions, although just one cold look from him was enough to make you close your mouth.
…
You only heard him chewing, the man seemed to have had a really bad time and it was no wonder that you could tell from miles away that he was a soldier, and since he came alone, there was a high probability that he was one of the few survivors in the trenches, but you are not going to assume too much.
"Father, please help this poor man to heal his wounds safely, to regain his strength, to protect his life on the battlefield and the lives of our nation -…"
"Stop talking shit" he interrupted you in a vulgar way, causing astonishment on your face, even disgust.
"That is no way to speak before the lord" You scolded him, the black-haired man only laughed hoarsely.
"Bring me clothes, I'm freezing in this" he demanded arrogantly, getting rid of his wet clothes, your kind soul heeded his words, because that's what you were, right? A sweet nun willing to help the needy, love your neighbor as your god ordered.
"Excuse me, I only found the priest's old clothes and I'm not sure they fit him, I hope they can help you" You said as you returned to the bench, he once again snatched the things from your hand.
Yes, he was a rude man.
The minutes passed, the candles continued to melt at the altar, you were praying in front of the golden statue of your lord while the soldier was resting on the benches, grunting at his wounds and trying to stay warm.
"Hey, nun, since you won't shut up come here, I think I know how you could keep that mouth busy" The man suggested with a cheeky smile, it was unheard of how he could say such things in the lord's house.
"Hey! That's enough of-…"
"It wasn't a question, come here or I'll come for you" his voice was sharp, and with no intention of continuing to listen to you, seeing how you froze in surprise he grumbled and took the trouble to walk towards you.
Right in front of the golden statue of your god, he subdued you to the ground and lifted your robe to reveal your underwear, that man was shameless because he simply buried his face between your asscheeks to inhale deeply.
"HEY! HEY" WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! STOP! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" You begged him, confusion and disgust replaced with terror, but… he was a soldier, a man willing to sacrifice his life for his nation.
"Please, honey, aren't you supposed to be a helpful sweetheart? You promised to help me stay warm, and this is my last dinner before I die?" He murmured on your back, riding you without a word, his hands had already pulled down your underwear while you were busy in your thoughts.
"Oh my god, this can't be happening, I'm supposed to stay pure" You whimpered as you covered your face, too embarrassed by the situation but not trying to push the man away.
He was an angel sent by god to save the country, it would be so rude to reject any order he gave.
He ground his hips against yours in a messy manner, he hadn't even prepared you well when your pussy was already engulfing his cock.
"Wow, you're so tight, so it's true that nuns are virgins, right? I feel so lucky to be the one to take your chastity, dear." His voice was teasing in your ear as you squeezed your eyes shut to endure the sudden intrusion, you were Pretty sure you would bleed.
No one would pass by the cathedral at that time of night, much less in a storm, the clicking of both skins echoed in the enormous building, right in the eyes of your lord.
"P-please forgive me Father for I have sinned, forgive me so much" A hand grabbed your jaw to silence you.
"You better ask thanks to the Lord because you will soon have a son, I will take care of filling this pretty pussy of yours to the brim, okay, angel?" He mocked your prayers but the seriousness in his voice was immaculate, he really wanted to impregnate your womb with his seed.
Your legs were shaking as you tried to stay in the doggy position, the soldier was selfish, penetrating your wet cunt for the sole purpose of having his release and getting you pregnant.
"S-sir please slow down, I feel like you're going to break me" You begged, snot slipping out of your nose as well as tears at how disastrous the situation was, the problem wasn't that the man was using you, because he was part of the brave army that risked his life, it is logical that you want to help.
"... We shouldn't be doing this in the Father's house." Sob quietly, your body reacted so well to his touch and it was inevitable not to moan, causing echoes in the cathedral.
"No, no, angel, call me father, you don't want your lord to hear you acting like a slut in his holy home." His calloused hands squeezed your hips and he pulled you like a wolf would its prey towards its nest.
"My god, angel, you feel so good, I'm melting between your walls, I want to spill all my essence inside you, you're being so good for me, I promise you it will feel better" He whispered lovingly despite the furious thrusts. that you received. "Don't worry, this is what your god wants, right? Demigods are worshiped with flowers, real gods need blood." His tone felt so somber, his hand traveled to your crotch to caress, collecting said blood, your blood.
So if he died on the battlefield, he would at least have left his inheritance in the world and he wouldn't be completely forgotten, right? His greedy hands ran over every inch of your skin under your tunic, squeezing the flesh, he too seemed inexperienced too, moaning and letting out incoherencies as he ground his groin against you, saliva running down his jaw as he moaned like a dog, panting, his eyes rolling back, sharper sounds until you both trembled violently.
Just as he said, you were dripping, as soon as a mirror cascade came out of you and warm semen was present from your pussy, his member was already a little more flaccid as he observed such a work of art in front of him.
He didn't want to die, he wanted this stupid war to end so he could get this nun pregnant and raise a child together.
"It's okay, you'll be okay" he murmured one last time as he clung to you, taking you into his arms with a blank look, but his words weren't.
He promised that when all that was over he would return to you to take care of you and the baby, that was what he wanted most, a life without daily blood, peace.
It's a shame that the promise would never be fulfilled.
♡
#yandere x reader#yandere#yandere visual novel#14dwy ren#14 days with you ren#14 days with you#14dwy redacted#redacted x reader#smut#breeding k1nk#religion kink#priest kink#damn its midnight again
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Plug!Connie! x His!Bsf!Ex Reader kinktober 6th
Summary: Connie always cared deeply for his best friends ony's girl, even before her and ony were ex's. So when he sees her on a curb, tight blue dress, bottle in hand, afro wet, and crying he can't help but stop and worry helping her to his house, after all that's what friends are for right?
Warning: Smut, Cnc, DubCon, drugs, alcohol usage, weed, mention soft guns, mentions of abuse(?)
Your ass pushed into the gravel side walk leaving a sting, you afro drooped wet in your face as rain beated down hard. Your dress was clinging to your round stomach and thighs and your body swayed struggling to stay upright even while sitting on the liquor store curb.
You had been at a house party when your Ex Ony and you got into a argument, him think you were flirting with other girls and like he still had his claim on you. Carson rolled by, until a black jeep slowed and stopped.
Rolling down the street from the house party a block away I see a smudge of blue, as I get closer I cant help but notice it's ony ex, the secret to all of my desires in my wet dreams, I pull over to check on her, rolling the window down I stick my head out "Yo!" your eyes look up lazily at him and you grumble in acknowledgement "You Good?" he sounds and looks worried so you Shaka your head, drunk but hoping he'll help you in anyway. He nods gets out the car helps you to your feet and eases you into the passenger side, starting the car and driving to his house.
"What happens?" he ask "Ony." your voice is quiet and slurred but his best friends name is short enough to recognize "argument?" you nod and sniff crosisng your arms to get more warmth "he keep thinking Im his. I'm not. I really needs just fuck on someone to show him I'm over it" Connie chuckles at your drunk words he looks over to your swaying body look tantalizing in all aspects "hm...I'd step up to plate." you chuckle at his words and Lena to lay yo head down his shoulder he pull into his drive way and y'all walk in his house, you lay on the couch knowing you wont make eit up the steps.
"My dress is wet can I get a shirt" he nods walks over grabs the he of your dress and slowly pulls it up you don't stop him, he exposes your full breast that drop with gravity and lets his hands graze them, you feel your body warm a bit "what you doing?" he ignores you "here lets get these of to they wet" you didn't know is he meant from you or the rain but you felt them pul from the swell of your thighs and fall form your ankles felt him pull your body into a straight position, felt him make yo knees touch yo chest.
"what you doing?" you asked again more out of it then before he just moves you and takes a blunt form his pocket lighting it with a lighter and adding you into taking three deep slow hits you don't notice his hand snake up your thighs until you feel a small nice pressure on your clit that was puffy and a lil sticky, was it puffy this whole time? you don't know. Once it's clear he rubbing yo clit you squirm "What you doing?" its more of a whine now trying and failing to get away from him.
"its good?" he ask his voice curious and low, you nod and lift your hips in his touch his finger sliding into warm, wet, slick heat now, pumping in and out nice and slow. "O-oh shit..Connie" he make you take another hit of the blunt adding in one more finger you choke and cough on a moan and the smoke in your lungs. Two long finger go in and out, you feel his mouth next slurping and spitting biting nibbling, you clit is puffy getting fastly rubbed with the tip of his tongue your hole plunged with three? finger stretching you out so much and you feel yourself come.
When you come back to your self the blunt is half gone and Connie's pushing his big long cock in and out your hole you jolt up a bit head fuzzy and spinning "wh-what? stop..stop! mmmm" you grip his arms as he goes deeper and he chuckles "hey mama...back to the land of the living?" he groans deep leaning to you ear "bout to nut again, mgh, want me to fill you with my third load baby?" you nod then shake your head not really knowing what you want. You look down seeing sticky cum on your pink clit, and slick on his hips, with squirt on your thighs. he gets faster and you squirt again (or what you think is again), the grip of your walls has him filling you up and it feels so right you close your eyes again body still moving up and down for his thrust.
When you wake up you feel your cunt is bruised and sore from rough sex, and cum is leaking from your hole, its day time now, and you feel hot war liquid squirt onto your pussy you look back to see Connie stroking his just now softening membe you know he fucked you now, you just to tire to care.
"How many times?" you aks looking at you white painted cunt "10. 6 inside four on the outside."
"Thanks for taking me here" you grumble cunt pounding form horniest that you finally got that dick after wanting him for so long. "What are friends for?"
#black reader#female reader#x reader#black femininity#smut#chubbiness#fem reader#chubby#black girl magic#aot#sexy content#18+ content#spicy content#era#sdcc#connie springer#connie x black reader#connie x black y/n#aot x black reader#aot x reader#aot smut#levi aot#aot fanfiction#attack on titan#levi ackerman#eren jaeger#eren yeager#black reader smut#black tumblr#black women
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im fascinated to know more of your thoughts on the winter king! Your first post and ideas were fantastic. If its okay I’d like to know about any kinks, suggestive, or overall possibly dark concepts you may have on his views/relationship with the reader! Like a continuation of some sorts of your first post! (Could be male reader or gn)
I will just write down some general thoughts here :')!! I'm glad to know you would like to know more of my ideas. I'll just start of with some NSFW headcanons I definitely have for him. These are just the main ones tho, I also have some somewhat extended petplay thoughts for him that I didn't put here.
notes: public / exhibitionism, CNC mention.
After being under the crown's influence for so long, Winter highly values the feeling of being in control. Especially in an intimate act such as sex, he'd want to at least feel like he's the one leading, at least the first couple of times. If he really, truly trusts you, he would be more willing to let you dom him. Based on some of the things Ice King says in canon, I do personally think he has a submissive side- An inclination for it, even, which is a remnant of Simon. His own experiences have shaped him to suppress any of such desires, though!
Winter does not shut up during sex. He's very, very talkative, constantly praising or teasing you, and describing how he's feeling! It's going to take a lot of pleasure to try and get him to shut up! Even when he's going cross-eyed with bliss, he's still babbling his needy little worlds. It melts his brain quicker if you're human, though. Your natural body heat would enhance the experience incredibly for him.
He's an exhibitionist in every sense of the word. Winter would get a lot of satisfaction of getting himself off in front of you, making a show out of it, but not allowing you to touch! He wants to see you squirm and shake with need for him so, so badly. In general, he'd try to have sex in, like, every corner of his palace. He assures you that his subjects, if they happened to walk by, wouldn't even be able to comprehend what they were seeing, much less talk about it! And if you'd let him, he'd absolutely just fuck you silly while having an audience in his throne room.
Oh, he just loves all kinds of roleplay! And if you indulge him, he will truly go all the way, with preparing costumes and lines of dialogue. It all sounds straight out of a cheesy porn, sure, but he's having the time of his life. He'd favour scenarios with darker undertones, and would be very interested in CNC if you wanted to try it out alongside him. Though he tries to ascribe any and all desires of the Ice King to the past, away from himself, he really wants to act out a kind of scenario where he's kidnapped you, his prince(ss)...! It gets him all kinds of giddy. Or anything else where he has an excuse to make you call him 'my grace / liege / King'.
As for any darker thoughts! Feel free to disregard these from the above if you aren't into it, btw.
warning: emotional manipulation, dubious consent / noncon, depending on interpretation
He will try to guilt trip you into sex, if he wants to fuck you. Winter hasn't had sex in nearly a century, (....he doesn't count the times he's had encounters with Candy, the few times that has happened. He would label those moments as mistakes.) and a part of him is selfish enough that he just feels like he deserves it. He's put so much time and effort into trying to sweep you off your feet, got you food and a place to stay, plus everything else that you could desire! His hints will turn more and more thinly veiled, his touches lingering more and more. Dear, hasn't he done so much for you? Won't you be willing to indulge him, just this once? He's certain you'll enjoy yourself with him, he'll make sure of it! It's horrible, really, but Winter is simply not a very good person.
If you continue to deny him for long, he might create a mindless, stupid ice clone version of you, that's basically just a cocksleeve for him. A version of you that cannot deny him, and is always happy to be stuffed full of his cum. In all honesty, it lacks in comparison to what he believes the true experience to be like... It only makes him needier for you, in turn.
#winter king x reader#adventure time x reader#fionna and cake x reader#winter king#cha.winter#cw.dubcon#cw.public#cw.noncon#cw.cnc
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🖤 about 🖤
jay | 22 | he/him | trans male | bi
welcome to my cum dungeon <3 this is basically a sideblog where i post things im horny about
my ao3 link
masterlist
queue
faq
!!!minors dni!!!
i write brba/bcs x readers and i take requests! more info on that below
🖤 i'll write for almost anyone from brba/bcs but here's my absolute faves who will be on here the most. feel free to make requests for anyone else!
lalo salamanca
saul goodman/jimmy mcgill
jesse pinkman
jane margolis
gus fring
nacho varga
🖤 most of my writing will be for transmascs bc im transmasc and we are STARVING for content. i can absolutely write for gender neutral and amab readers (please specify bc otherwise i'll default to ftm!reader) but in all honesty i won't write for women (not for free at least so if you really want a female reader im open to commissions) i'll always list the kinks and anatomical terms i use in a particular story.
🖤 what im into/what i'll write (bolded are my favorites >:3)
humiliation/degradation (this includes homophobic/transphobic slurs)
intoxication
exhibitionism
free use
oral
rimming
squirting
bondage
impact play
choking
double penetration/dp
gunplay/knifeplay
cutting
watersports
orgasm denial
overstimulation
breeding
petplay
daddy/mommy kink
light bloodplay
cnc/dubcon/noncon
somno
🖤 what i will NOT write
scat
vomit
feet
incest
underage
pregnancy
heavy gore
abdl/cgl/age regression
these are non-exhaustive lists. if you want to request something i didn't mention, feel free to ask!
🖤 i will be prioritizing nsfw content. you can send sfw requests but i can't promise i'll get to them.
🖤 i absolutely believe fiction affects reality and i do not condone irl noncon or dubcon. depictions of SA in media helped me to recognize that i was assaulted. im in therapy and if ur gonna tell me what i can and cant write as a survivor i advise you to touch grass instead.
🖤 estoy aprendiendo español entonces voy a intentar a escribir diálogo en español cuando posible. ¡por favor corríjame si yo hago un error!
🖤 feel free to flirt with me in asks/dms im a whore 🥺
🖤 im incredibly busy w/ other life things so if i don't respond chances are im not ignoring you i just got buried in tasks 😔 please don't resend asks bc i'll be less likely to write for you if you spam my inbox.
that should be about it!! ty for reading :3
#breaking bad#better call saul#breaking bad x reader#better call saul x reader#brba#bcs#better call saul imagine#better call saul smut#breaking bad imagine#breaking bad smut#saul goodman#jimmy mcgill#saul goodman x reader#jimmy mcgill x reader#lalo salamanca#lalo salamanca x reader#jesse pinkman#jesse pinkman x reader#jane margolis#jane margolis x reader
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what is cnc and watersports?? what kind of kinks are they?
i feel so embarrassed for asking them but i really don't know what are they...
tw; i mention rape in this, because cnc is considered rape play;
don't be embarrassed !! i didn't know a bunch of kinks a couple months ago (this blog rotted me)
cnc is controversial since it's technically rape play. i personally don't like the kink, just because it's something im not interested in and i feel iffy and sick writting it, which is why i don't write for it. (i won't judge since i don't know people's lifes, just my personal opinion!!)
(cnc = consensual non consensual, so letting someone take advantage of you, and pretending to be assulted)
watersports is urine, so a piss kink.
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Arataki Itto × Male!Reader
This was a request from a dear friend of mine, hope you enjoy! Guys don't forget I do take requests, I will deny them though if I don't know the character. Feel free to ask! Enjoy le smut <3
Warnings: Degradation, CNC, Itto is an asshole in this fanfic universe.
" Y/N go put the extra empty crates away, we need to clear the area before the rush in the evening. " Some burly dude with a mustache barked towards you, making you cringe externally but did as you were told none the less. The crates themselves were honestly light as shit since they were empty so you didn't complain much, not until you got to the dumpster area behind the tavern where someone you'd seen all too much was digging through garbage. " Kiro why are you digging in the trash again! I've told you that you cannot do that here.. If my boss catches you he will have both of our heads and you know I need this job! " Your voice wavered, shuddering at the fear of what could happen if you didn't get enough money to pay him back.
" I-im sorry Y/N I just really.. wanted some food and I know Mr Tab likes to waste a lot so I hopped I'd find some.. " Kiro whispered, her face slowly starting to fall while tears starting pooling at the corners of her eyes. You couldn't deny she was like a younger sister, but you hardly knew her at the same time. " Go on, get out of here. I've got to get back inside before Tabs complains again. " You could tell she didn't want to leave, the inner battles in the younger girls brain were arguing against her better judgement. " Hey, meet me at our usual place later, I'll get you some food,, okay? " You spoke softly in an attempt to comfort her which seemed to work almost instantly as she quickly nodded and ran back off, leaving you to chuck the crates and run back towards the tavern.
Backstory ➜
You grew up an orphan in Inazuma, always having to fight your way up the ladder for any sort of food, clothing, housing.. That was until you met the Oni named Arataki Itto. He and his gang offered to help you, in turn you do work for them,, this work however came with a contract that you consent you anything they tell you or do. You being the naive young adult you were agreed and just as your stupidity did, it got you into trouble.. Somehow you had managed to loose over 2 million Mora,, that belonged to the gang. So they made you swear to work your ass off to get it back or their would be consequences.
Present Time ➜
You had managed to collect half of the Mora you owed within a year and a half, working day in and day out for anything and anyone, no matter the price or sense in the job. The day you came to visit Itto and deliver the portion you had collected it was eerily quiet among the group, Itto was waiting in his room of the buildings while the others stared you down.
By the time you had reached the room itself you were absolutely terrified, scared and worried for what was going to be said. " I already know you are there. " Itto called, signaling that you could just step right in, the room smelt of flowers mixed with dirt and musk, it was pleasant in a sense but also weird for a man like Itto. " I brought the half I've collected, I still have to get the rest but I will I swear to it! " You shouted, standing as straight as you could while staring straight forward. The low rumbling of Ittos laugh however made you gulp. " I don't want the Mora anymore. I'll take the half and something else. " His frame that once was sat in his cozy chair was now stood directly infront of you, his height scary compared to you. " W.. what else could you want Itto? " You were terrified was an understatement,, the way the Onis eyes were dark but still had a red glare to them alone had you wanting to run for your life. " I want you. "
Time seemed to stop at his words, the adrenaline and fear in your body surged you to turn and run towards the door but he was too quick.. So easily dragging you back by your hips to press into his chest,, the feeling of his breath fanning down your neck had you whining to be set free. " Please.. anything but this- " You sobbed, hoping this was all a bad dream. " You consented anything could be done or told to you, And I've had my eye on you for a long.. time, so I'm going to have you. Here, and now whether you like it or not. You're mine Y/N. " Itto growled against your ear, causing a twitch within your trousers as well as a whine to escape your lips. " N-no. Get off me Itto. "
He was stronger in every way,, height, muscle, thoughts, will.. everything about him over powered you as you were pushed to kneel in doggy on the floor. " I won't hurt you too much.. Just have to ingrain in your mind and body that this.. is mine. " He purred, groping your ass before giving it a harsh smack that made you involuntarily moan out his name. " Oh? You like that puppy~? You like when I manhandle you like my own personal.. cumdump? " His degrading words left you speechless,, your fear being replaced by arousal as you felt your own cock pressing against your pants. " Itto.. " Your voice was quiet, so quiet in fact he didn't hear you at first until he had ripped your pants and shirt off in one swoop of his hand. " ITTO! " You whined loudly, turning over onto your back whilst your hands covered your aching cock. " Ah ah ah.. cmon pretty boy, show me that cock of yours.. " He cooed, tracing his hand along your thighs up to your hands before grabbing and removing them himself.. And by the gods the view of your scared shaking figure sprawled on the floor before him with an aching leaking cock all because of him was an absolute thrill that he couldn't get enough of. " Oh I'm going to ruin you. " Your body was now yanked upwards to sit on the kneeling Onis lap, the obvious buldge pressing against you making you whimper yet again whilst looking up into his eyes. " Do you want to do it yourself or do I have to? " Being given the option you quickly went with the first,, now reaching beneath you to push his clothes down enough to free his cock that sprang up happily to greet your puckered hole almost perfectly.. You knew you had no lubrication so this was going to hurt.. but you also couldn't deny and run away. " Hah! You thought! " He laughed before ramming upwards to sheeth himself in you in one go,, your eyes instantly rolled to the back of your head whilst you clawed at his shoulders. He wasted no time in letting you adjust, no time in letting you get your bearings before he was holding you up by your thighs to ram deep within you like a feral animal.. It hurt but felt so fucking good at the same time that you couldn't resist moaning his name like a filthy prayer. " That's right.. say my name, scream who you belong to slut. " He growled out against your throat, biting down harshly onto your shoulder while continuing to piston into you chasing his own high. " Ngh! IM G-gonna cum if you keep, doing t-that.. FUCK! ITTOOO~!! " Your cries fell on deaf ears,, no one was going to save you. With one last cry of his name your own release slammed into you,, your cum shooting out to land on his and your chest but he kept going.. until he started panting heavily against your ear. " fuck- Gunna breed that ass,, shit you feel so fucking good. " He slurred, thrusting balls deep before releasing his load inside of you., the warmth alone filling your body leaving you a crying, shuddering, whimpering mess in his arms.
" Told ya~.. You are mine. " You couldn't even bring yourself to respond,, or even think for that matter as your eyes fell closed and you drifted off in his arms,, cockwarming him into your sleep. " Don't worry pup, we'll have plenty more fun.. "
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Hi, I’m the “advice anon”, thank you for answering (oh my god that sounded like I am in a TV ad). Anyways, I explained the events here with another blog:
https://www.tumblr.com/letmywingsdown/732396002452078592/previous-anon-because-im-not-confident-enough
Again, thank you for, you know, letting me take your time haha <3
The thing is today I was arguing with my boyfriend. I’ll admit it was my fault because I initiated it for some very irrelevant dumb shit because I’ve been in a horrible mood lately. I knew I had to apologise once he began explaining to me how shitty it was, and I was about to but I couldn’t bring myself to actually say the words because I have a huge ego problem. So he smacked the left side of my face, my left cheek, because I just would remain stubborn and bitchy and not looking his way when he talked. It wasn’t harsh or violent and it didn’t hurt; just the wrist and upper side of the hand, quite quickly like when you have to tell off a kid. But it really caught me off guard and I stood there frozen. It feels like a boundary violation and when I brought up the subject to my mom (w/o saying it happened to me), she agreed. My bf started apologising right once I said how fucked up it was and I think it’s a genuine apology, but what am I supposed to do? I was getting on his nerves basically on purpose, and now I want to pretend I am the victim of the situation? But I was seriously just about to tell him I regretted making a fight up from thin air.. and stuff like that has happened twice before, once in my shoulder, the other one on my scalp. He continues apologising and I really want to forgive him because he is a lovely guy and the best thing that has ever happened to me, but how am I supposed to call myself a feminist and stuff when I am compliant once my boyfriend “beats” me? My father told me only the other day that women who stay in abusive relationships while knowing about the red flags are stupid. I disagree with him, but am I stupid? Or am I just thinking about this too much? I have childhood trauma, physical too, and I am unsure if I am overreacting because of being triggered rather than because it was objectively wrong to hit me.He seriously is a very nice guy and I have never felt as loved and I know his love is genuine, but this has left me unsettled and, as I said, it is not the first time. Even those two aforementioned events aside, there have been very off putting things in our relationship, like him watching porn and being into cnc (we never acted on them, just dirty talk); though I think the latter might have been my fault because I was the one mainly in it (again, trauma). This was years ago and our sexual life is very healthy now, and I know for a fact he despises porn as much as I do. So what should I do? He is the only person I have left because I am a lonely loser and our connection is so sincere but at the same time I don’t feel ensured that he would never ever harm me. Is it my trauma induced paranoia, or my intuition?
anon, no this is not at all ok. leave. please just leave. you might feel loved and he might have some good sides but there is literally no excuse for hitting you and he's clearly slowly escalating it further and further. abusers often slowly start pushing the boundaries of their partners and i fear that is what he's doing here. and him being into cnc is absolutely a red flag! ur making a lot of excuses for him which is normal, i did the same with my ex and it allowed her to take advantage of me and abuse me until she had all that she wanted from me. its not worth it. abusers like this often have a 'nice' side and will lovebomb you and have phases where they treat you well.. it's ultimately not worth it, at all. i know it's easier said than done, but just bc you haven't had better yet doesn't mean you never will, don't settle for him just because you want to be loved and because you think you can't get better: you can and its not worth it! take it from someone who DIDN'T leave, it's not worth it. you just feel used up and like you betrayed yourself for nothing in the end.
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genuine question, why do ppl have cnc kinks? Im not vanilla but i can never imagine wanting to pretend to hurt a partner in THat kind of way? seems like such a harmful thing to want to replicate?
i can't speak for people who would want to take the dominant role because I'm not one of them. I've had partners into somno ask me to have sex with them while asleep and i just could not bring myself to feel comfortable doing so, for example. it's just not a role that appeals to what i enjoy about sex.
purrsonally what does appeal to me about cnc is the feeling of being desired and how it operates as an exercise in trust. there's something that feels very special about giving someone permission to do whatever they want to you, knowing that you trust them enough to still not cross any explicitly stated boundaries and that you trust they'll respect if you change your mind in the middle of things. it's a very safe and comforting feeling. and as someone who struggles, for various reasons, with expressing desire, it's nice to feel like that weight is lifted off of me. i don't have to do that if I've already given someone permission to use me however they want. there's also elements that some might point at as more "problematic," like for me the idea of somebody wanting me so bad that i don't get a say in it is a huge turn on, and being easily overpowered by someone makes me feel more feminine. but of course, the critical thing about cnc is that it is, of course, actually consensual. so yeah, pretending to not get a say in things is hot but. i do actually get a say in it.
ultimately i just think the best approach to kinks you may not understand or vibe with is just to ask, what positive feelings could someone be taking from this? like sure, cnc resembles a very harmful act, but it's not actually that act, and it lets me explore trust in a way that feels really good to me. and purrsonally if i can't come up with an answer for why someone could enjoy whatever kink, I'll still default to assuming there must be something. like, i can't honestly come up with what a dom would get out of cnc, but that's fine. I'm not gonna judge someone for it (least of all because, i mean, if i wanna sub, someone's gotta dom lol). even something like ageplay, it grosses me WAY the fuck out, the idea of it makes me supremely uncomfortable, but at the end of the day if someone's into it it's kinda just not really my business. it doesn't affect me. just not gonna worry about it. there's plenty of people who find cnc gross and uncomfortable, there's people who find other stuff I'm into gross and uncomfortable. sex is just weird sometimes! brains are weird a lot of the time.
i know this didn't really address the question of "why would someone want to hurt their partner that way," but, hopefully in some way it was still helpful!
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"Smashing Consent" (S1V1)
[**WARNING** The following is R/X-rated Fantasy FICTION Fetish/Kink smut. ADULT CONTENT. CNC/Consent-play among other *triggering* content]
------------------
Recently clicked with a F/34 on Tinder. From my town. Lives a mile away. We've hooked up 8 or so times in the past 4mos.
She has expressed her interest in diving into kinks. She has shared some of her interests and I have shared some of mine.
One crazy kink scenario I've told her is that i want to break a female's ankle.
When I was 13 a girl I had a big crush on broke her ankle and was in a tie-dye short leg cast. I've been hooked ever since.
I haven't directly told her that I want to break her but in the past few weeks we've both really ramped up the sexting/dirty talk.
Thing is. I'm strongly considering breaking her ankle during sex the next time she is here. Without direct consent. More of a round-a-bout way.
We've joked about asking if her place is handicap accessible. Telling her Im gonna fuck her up. That she's bringing out the devil in me. That I want to have my way with her and do bad things.
In her responses she is down. When we hook up it's crazy. Last time I bit her til she bled. Super difficult by the way. I told her to tell me when she wanted me to stop and as i bit harder and harder she didn't stop me. She loved it. Even sending me pics of the teeth marks and bruising that week.
I know its fucked up. I know the consequences. She will miss work for a few weeks. (Receptionist) She has teenage kids so they can borderline help themselves with direction. The potential that it's more tjan she wanted and she will be mad at me.
The risk of REALLY messing up her ankle and causing long term effects and/or surgery.
My plan is to break her left ankle so she can still drive when healing.
I really do believe she will like it once the initial shock is gone.
My heart is racing andy dick is throbbing just thinking about it.
My plan is to get her bent over the foot of my bed doggy face down. My bed is tall enough she will be on her stomach as I fuck her. Then I will pull out and eat her dripping pussy as i slowly and carefully get her in position. Feet spread apart about a foot.
Ive already got a 25lb dumbbell hidden under my bed. Im going to position it between her ankles with her feet touching so she has no clue it's there.
Then slowly grab a 5lb shop hammer also hidden under my bed. While still eating her out/fingering her I will get myself in position on my knees behind her.
Take 1 deep breathe contemplating what im about to do then. Exhale and do it. Im going to swing the shop hammer into the outside of her left ankle with all my might. 1 shot. 1 chance. 1 full force breaking blow. Smashing her ankle bone with the hammer into the 25lb wieght between her ankles.
There's a chance I could cum right there as Im sure she will scream from the agony and surprise.
If I don't cum ill for sure want to finish quick. So ill either rub it out or put my dick in her to quickly finish and hopefully give her a bit more pleasure as she endures the pain.
I've thought about this for years. Never thinking i would get an opportunity. Since I've met her it's felt like it could happen and these past few weeks I've manifested into where I am now.
Im gonna fuckin do it. Holding her broken bruised swollen deformed ankle in my hands as I help her get in my truck. We will have to come up with an alibi. Probably a simple simple slip & trip.
I want her in a cast. I want to take care of her. I want to break her. I want her to scream due to my actions.
Im going to break her.
And i can't fucking wait!
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Rules for requests
I have been getting more requests lately and I honestly didn't expect for so many people to be interested in what I write but I'm very grateful for you all.
Also with gaining so many of you I think it's time I set some rules as well when more asks come it to make thinks more clear as to what I am comfortable with and what I'm not comfortable with.
1. no pedophilia/very significant age gaps like an 18yo with a 48yo yeah no thank you. The characters at most will have a year or two age difference other than that it's a no, also obviously no in school so x character over age.
2. I'm ok with most kinks but the limits are scat, sexualizing gore, no r@pe and no cnc or furries, don't get me wrong I'll be more than happy to do hybrid animal characters like ears and tail and animal behavior but I'm not comfortable with full furries. (I'm also ok with Omega Verse I really like it)
3. Don't be a dick when requesting something, like most people I have a life outside of tumblr and if you can't respect that then you need to touch grass
4.i have the right to not do a post if it makes me uncomfortable.
5. There will be warnings if certain characters are in a story, I know it sounds silly but it's for good reason. If the character is asked to be in it but they're also very problematic (yujiro hanma) they will get a warning.
6. I will let you describe what you want the reader to look like in the story you request as long as you're respectful.
7. No not get pissed off or cancel yourself because I take a minute to complete a request. Life happens and you can control what someone has going on, because like I said I have a life outside of tumblr.
8.im ok with you requesting a parent figure for a character but no nsfw, I will however write a possessive/yandere character x reader.
9. The characters can be any gender or transitioning, this includes ftm or mtf.
Tokyo revengers:
For regular requests sfw it'll be where they're young unless you say otherwise and if it's nsfw it'll be in the time-line where everyone lives.
A character here I'll put a warning for is kisaki because I know he can be a turn off.
Who i write for
Demon slayer:
Same as tokyo revengers I'll generally have sfw requests where they are demon slayers unless told otherwise and if you want someone nsfw they will be put in the modern-day because we know they all live and have the chance to be older then.
I don't think there's anyone here that needs a warning if they're added into a story.
Baki the grappler:
Everyone here now is pretty much grown, but if you request a story with a younger baki it's only sfw.
There will be a yujiro hanma warning in the fics.
Also if you have any questions feel free to ask me and I'll happily answer them.
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About Me
Sam She/They 23 Femby Poly(??) Sapphic/T4T Service/Sub autism
This Blog
I recently realized I don't have a proper blog for being horny and didn't want to subject my imaginary followers to it! I have near infinite capacity for horniness and feel the need to share that with other queer people on the internet. Feel free to send me like horny asks or dms lol
I'm Into...
Anyone one the butch-femme spectrum
Also other trans people
So basically if ur not cis
Kinks/Likes
Wow, lots!
Grinding/Tribbing
Oral(!!)
Ropes n bondage
Tender, gentle people
Group sex/freeuse
Machines
BDSM (but only if ur willing to laugh about it)
Cuddles (all times of day)
CNC (receiving)
Unique voices
Boobs/Breastfeeding
Not Kinks
ppl who take sex really seriously
animal/age play
really most kinds of role play -- it doesnt bother me, but im not *comfortable* with it
food (icky sorry)
transphobia (actually not a kink but a hate)
Maybe?
Fighting, like in a physical way
piss?
minors begone
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TW: SA and ptsd related rant below the cut. mostly venting into the void so please skip unless you Really want to take a peek into my broken psyche. probably really rambling and sloppy too
base context for anyone unaware reading this, i was in a weird "situationship" with a best friend for years, starting at the end of high school and through college. to make it short, she was manipulative and sexually assaulted me a few times, and i didn't really see it for what it was until a new friend gave me a massive wake up call and snapped me out of it. my perception of reality was so skewed i didn't even recognize that id been raped, it just seemed normal and like i was being difficult. and aside from one moment of hyper sexuality to poorly cope after, i haven't even kissed anyone in like 6(?) years because of the damage. context done on to the current rant:
i've been listening to audio roleplays and smut for a while, partly to make up for a lack of affection and partly for sexual reasons (especially because it's fairly niche and self produced, so it feels a lot more ethical than shit like porn). but i've noticed the stuff that i 'enjoy' the most is like... cnc, rape, being taken advantage of, that kind of stuff. and not like,,, fully aggressive and violent, but more so manipulative and pushing boundaries. which i know isn't inherently a bad thing, sexual fantasies and kinks aren't inherently wrong and there's nothing wrong with exploring those in healthy and consensual ways. but there's a part of me that feels wrong for it? almost like i should know better than be into something like that after going through the harsh and traumatizing reality of abuse. but at the same time it's kind of empowering? like im doing it on my terms, im the one who wants it and is actively seeking it out. plus i have a lot of fear of re-attempting intimacy, because im afraid of the small chance i might break down in the moment and freak out. and imagining a scenario where someone is taking the lead entirely, its kind of reassuring in a weird way? i know the obvious conclusion is that there's nothing wrong me with for these kinks, and that i need to just keep working through my ptsd to get past the guilt. but i can't help but feel like im a bad victim in a way? like i shouldn't deserve to be considered a victim the same way someone else is, because im being a gross little pervert who likes a controlled and safe version of something so horrible. like i said i know this is all part of the healing process and that i need to shed this guilt complex, but its just hard. my rational brain knows it's okay and potentially even good for me (taking control over my trauma, rather than letting it control me), but its just hard to actually be normal about it
anyways ptsd sucks, i've been celibate out of fear for years, and i will likely never be the same again. but that's okay, eventually i'll be good enough. and odds are i'll just have to learn the hard way that im fine. like i might be too afraid to actively try to date or have sex, but if something ever happens organically i probably won't freak out at all and will realize i've been worried about nothing. idk. odds are slim since i would have to hit it off really well with a stranger to trust them, or id have to have a friend suddenly be cool with casual sex, neither of which seem super likely, but who knows. i mean knowing me, the fucked up thing is ill probably have the best odds of being comfortable enough to try something if i'm really drunk or something, which is a pretty messy grey area. idk life fucking sucks but we push through and we make the best of it, despite the horrors
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