#im just a secret third thing. secret third thing in every way possible
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omg bestieeeee i so need hocker h nd ballerina to talk and smooch !!!!! ngl i’m a sucker for protective and jealous h 🤭🤭🤭🤭 🐱
I feel like ive made you guys wait way too long for this one gvkdfjgkf
a continuation of this blurb! (and sort of this one)
word count: 2.3k (we had a lot of ground to cover)
content warnings: minor mentions of smut, slight angst but all is fixed by the end, not ramadan friendly
main masterlist | hockey h masterlist
talk to me
. . .
Two weeks.
Two weeks of radio silence from Y/N.
Two weeks of over-thinking everything he did that night.
Two weeks of Harry drunk texting her on lonely nights.
please just tell me if you hate me
im so sorry
ill leave you alone if its what you want, I just need to know
Each and every time, Y/N read his messages, eyes scanning over the words, and locked her phone.
The truth is, she doesn't know what she wants from him, if anything. She doesn't know why she felt so attracted to him that night — she was tipsy, not drunk, and in complete control of her actions. She never hooked up with people in public — no messy makeouts, but she certainly never let anyone finger her in the hallway of a bar.
The entire thing was completely unlike her. Maybe that's what scared her the most.
Deep down, she wanted to reply to him, but she didn't even know what to say. She didn't want him to leave her alone — maybe that was selfish, but she liked knowing he was at least a little okay. She'd even been keeping secret tabs on the hockey team. They had won their past two games, but Harry had been thrown out in the most recent one for unsportsmanlike conduct. Apparently, he'd gotten into a fight with one of the players on the other team.
Admittedly, that worried her, but she didn't want to be his babysitter. On top of that, the spring showcase was this weekend, and she'd thrown every last bit of her energy into rehearsing and practicing to make sure her performance would be absolutely flawless.
She didn't have the time — or mental capacity — to worry about Harry right now.
. . .
"You look like an idiot."
Harry rolls his eyes as he adjusts the collar on his button down for the third time. James and his girlfriend Melanie had helped him with ironing it out so it looked presentable enough on his body. Anything he ever did rarely called for slacks and button up shirts, but Melanie advised him to look polished and put-together for tonight.
He wasn't in a place to reject her advice.
The other teammates that James lived with weren't quite as kind. Stephen, a sophomore defenseman who was only on the team for the perks of sleeping with every girl he could get his hands on, wouldn't stop throwing sarcastic comments Harry's way.
"Shut up, Stephen!" Melanie calls from the living room. She marches into James' bedroom as Harry smoothes out a few leftover wrinkles in his slacks, swallowing tightly. "When's the last time you cared about something besides fucking random girls? At least Harry has some direction in his life."
"I'm just saying, the girl's been ignoring him for weeks. She's gonna laugh in his face."
"Leave!" Melanie exclaims, batting him on the shoulder. Stephen lets out a yelp of pain and Harry smirks, despite the anxiety throbbing in his chest. "You're not helping! Get out!"
Reluctantly, Stephen rolls his eyes as he follows Melanie's orders and leaves the room. She sighs and comes up from behind Harry before flashing him a hopeful grin.
"You look great, H. I think this is a really sweet gesture."
He nibbles on his bottom lip as he turns to face her. "Okay, but what if Stephen's dumbass is right? She could call security on me and have me removed."
Melanie gives him a sympathetic look, "Yeah, it's a possibility. But isn't it better to go down fighting?"
He shrugs.
"You said ballet is her everything. It's her entire life. Show her that you're willing to integrate yourself into that."
"Yeah," he breathes out, nodding slowly. "Yeah, you're right."
"I know I am." she grins. "Okay, let's get you over there. Don't forget the flowers you picked up!"
. . .
30 minutes later, Harry can't stop shifting uncomfortably as he sits in an aisle seat in the campus auditorium at Y/N's spring showcase.
The massive bouquet of flowers in his lap keep making his nose run and he feels like he's being suffocated by the buttons on his shirt that go all the way up to his neck. Best of all, according to the show program, Y/N isn't scheduled to go on until the very end. She mentioned to him once that being placed as the finale act is the best and biggest compliment, and he can't fight the bit of pride that thrums in his heart.
For an hour, he sits there, fidgeting with the cuffs of his shirt and pinching his bottom lip between his fingers as he waits for Y/N to go on. He sits through mediocre singing showcases and even a violin solo that almost puts him to sleep, if not for the older man clearing his throat next to him. Melanie and James even text him during the intermission to see how it's going, but he doesn't have much to report back.
Finally, the show comes to a close and her name is announced, following by the title of the French piece of music she's dancing to. His heart throbs in his chest — he's so nervous for her, especially knowing she hurt her ankle just a few weeks back. But the second she graces the stage, she's a vision of beauty, strength, and delicacy all at the same time. It's enough to take Harry's breath away.
As he sits there watching her, he doesn't move a muscle. Not for a single jump, spin, or step. He doesn't know anything about ballet — not aside from what Y/N has told him — but in that moment, he realizes that he'd be willing to learn every little thing there is to know if it meant she let him back into her life.
She's gorgeous. She offers a flawless performance and the second she's finished, a look of relief washes over her face as she takes a subdued bow, her pretty eyes widening when she sees all the people — Harry included — standing and applauding her.
For Y/N, the hard part was over. For Harry, it had just begun.
. . .
Y/N is elated to have a moment of silence after her performance.
With the dressing room door shut behind her, she lets out a long, deep breath. The dance she'd been driving herself crazy over for months was finally over.
And yet, for some reason, she feels empty.
She shoves it down as sits, eager to get her pointe shoes off. She's ready to shed her costume and get into sweatpants and head home. She knows the rest of the performers are heading out to a party tonight, but she's exhausted.
She's sorting through the bag of clothes she brought when there's a soft knock at the door. She knows she only has around 20 minutes to get out before the janitorial staff starts cleaning, so she rises with a sigh, unlocking the door and opening it.
"I'll be done soon, I just need to change—"
It's not the janitor, though.
It's Harry. Standing there stiffly in a starchy button down with a huge bouquet of flowers that almost encompass the width of his broad shoulders.
"What are you doing here?" she blurts without thinking.
"I came to watch you perform," he replies gently. His throat bobs as he hands her the flowers. "These are for you."
"You didn't watch me." she snorts with a shake of her head. She hasn't accepted the bouquet yet.
"Yes, I did," he instantly fires back, "What, do you wanna see my ticket for proof? I was in seat F34, next to an old man who kind of smelled like soup, and he kept clearing his throat and it was really annoying but I didn't care because I came to see you, and I'd sit through hours of bullshit to watch you dance."
Harry can't read the blank expression of her face, but he takes it as a step in the right direction when she takes the flowers from him. She blinks as she glances past him and then steps aside, motioning for him to come in.
"I have to get my shit together and leave soon, so... just sit in here."
He nods. He's hesitant to allow himself to relax since he's not sure if he's in the clear yet. She closes the dressing room door behind her and places the bouquet on her vanity.
"I need to change," she says, spinning around to face him. "Close your eyes."
He chuckles until he sees the serious expression on her face. "Wait, really?"
"Yes, really."
"But... I— y'know—"
"Just turn the fuck around, Harry."
He does as he's told, shutting his eyes as he listens to her roll her tights down and step out of her leotard. One day, if she let him, he'd be more than happy to do that for her — not even in a sexual way, but he knows how tiring it can be to take off his own gear after a long game. He thinks it would be nice to be there for her.
"Okay, you're good," she murmurs. She's stuffing her things in her tote bag when he bats his eyes back open.
"Are you meeting up with anyone after this? I'm sure your friends came to see you, but I just wanted to maybe talk and... y'know, clear the air a bit." Harry says, wringing his hands nervously in his lap. Y/N furrows a brow as she analyzes his body language. She doesn't think she's actually seen him look anxious before.
"Um... no," she says with a shake of her head before quickly revising her answer, "No, I mean, I'm not meeting up with anyone and no one came to see me. Except you, I guess."
"Wait, really?"
She sighs as she pauses the process of gathering her things. "Really, Harry."
He swallows tightly. They're silent for a moment as she grabs her jacket and throws it over her shoulders.
"Come over and we'll talk. I borrowed my friend Matt's car for the night but— yeah, you can follow me to my place or whatever. And I can't promise I'll be awake for much longer but I think clearing the air could be... good."
A rush of relief makes its way through Harry's body.
"Okay. Yeah, let's do that."
. . .
"I never said it, but you were flawless tonight."
Y/N laughs breathily as she settles onto her couch, a cup of sleepy time tea in her hand. Harry rejected her offer for one (his response had been, "Y/N, do I look like someone who drinks tea with a sleeping bear on it?") but he'd be lying if he said it didn't at least smell good.
"I fucked up on one of my jetés — I'll get yelled at for it on Monday, but otherwise I'm decently content with the performance."
"Well, you couldn't tell," Harry replies, "Seriously. You were perfect."
Her cheeks warm and she stares down at her tea. Her legs are sprawled out in front of her while Harry sits on the other edge of the couch, giving her plenty of room to stretch out.
"So... clearing the air."
Harry clears his throat and nods, prepared to embark on the speech he'd been practicing in his head for weeks. But then, she speaks.
"I'm sorry for running out on you and ignoring you," she says, keeping her gaze down in her lap. "That wasn't... I'm not the best person. I'm bad at feelings and I use ballet as a crutch. I figure it's the one thing I'm really, exceptionally good at, and that should give me a pass in life but I know that's not true. I can't just go around treating people like shit because I'm... scared."
"What are you scared of?" Harry asks through furrowed brows. "I'm sorry if I stepped out of line that night, I should've been better—"
"You didn't. You were great. You did everything perfectly," she replies with a shake of her head. Her response surprises him, but he tries to hide the shock on his face. "I'm scared because you're you. You're a hotshot hockey player and, besides this showcase, you're the only other thing I've thought about these past few weeks. That's horrifying for me."
"Is this...?" Harry attempts to roll his lips into a thin line, preventing a smirk from bursting onto his face. "Is this a very Y/N way of telling me that you like me?"
She groans, as if it's the worst thing to ever happen to her, and it makes Harry laugh.
"Don't laugh at me!" she exclaims. That only makes Harry cackle even louder as he slowly crawls over to her, taking her warm cup of tea out of her hands and placing it on the coffee table.
"You're cute when you're exasperated." he murmurs. She pouts and his eyes crinkle with a grin as he peels her shaky hands away from her face.
"You're the one exasperating me."
"I know," he replies lowly, licking his lips as his face hovers over hers, "I like it."
"This isn't us agreeing to date, by the way." she quickly tacks on. He issues out a mhm as he leans forward, testing the waters, and pressing a light kiss to her nose. "We need to take it slow. Like, painfully slow. Or else I'll freak out and run away again."
"Whatever you want." he mumbles, kissing her right cheek. "I mean it."
"And you can't just overwhelm me whenever you feel like it."
He laughs and kisses her left cheek, then her forehead.
"Okay. Any other demands?"
He stops pasting kisses to her face then, instead choosing to simply loom his lips over hers. He can feel her heart beating rapidly in her chest and watches as she swallows nervously.
"No," she finally whispers. "Just kiss me."
And so he does.
#writing#hockey h#harry styles#harry styles writing#harry styles fic#harry styles fan fic#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fanfic#harry styles x reader#harry styles imagine#harry styles one direction#harry styles blurb#harry styles angst#harry styles one shot#harry styles fluff#harry styles x you#harry styles x oc#harry styles au#harry styles smut#one direction#harry styles x y/n#hockerry#harry's house#fine line#hs4
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what do you think regulus' relationship with all the skittles is like. ik he and barty are the secret thurd thing but i am extremely curious about his interactions with the twins. do he and pandora exchange resigned looks whenever rosekiller is being their Very peculiar brand of Rosekiller? and also evan and regulus. ?? i always imagined regulus (if he met the twins in his childhood) as slightly protective of them in a older sibling type of way. i think that might be from my own need to protect my friends (especially as a child). like i used to be desperate to show someone love the way my sister showed me. so yeah im absolutely bestowed with your regulus and i do wonder if you have headcanons abt his interactions with the other skittles<333
i was discussing this ask with @fernhelm socratic-seminar style and ive compiled the results for you...
regulus is a fundamentally selfish person but he's selfish on behalf of the skittles. he's folded them into his life & his care, and part of that is finding excuses for every ugly thing they could possibly do. in his eyes they (the twins, barty) fundamentally just deserve to do whatever they need to
fern said thesis of the skittles is this terry pratchett quote: "All witches are selfish, the Queen had said. But Tiffany’s Third Thoughts said: Then turn selfishness into a weapon! Make all things yours! Make other lives and dreams and hopes yours! Protect them! Save them! Bring them into the sheepfold! Walk the gale for them! Keep away the wolf! My dreams! My brother! My family! My land! My world! How dare you try to take these things, because they are mine! I have a duty!"
pandora is his best friend. he is capable of understanding her in a way that he doesn't understand the rest of them. if regulus is something cold hiding something warm, she's the inverse. part of their mutual understanding is the fact that they ultimately ended up on the same side in the war.
regulus only understands evan through pandora. they're close but not super close to me!! pandora is a warmer, brighter, more expansive version of evan & that is more accessible to reg... i think regulus fronts like he's cold & unfeeling but evan actually Is That and that fact is alienating
anything i could say about barty and regulus's friendship warrants its own post but genuinely to me they have a greg & rodrick heffley type dynamic and i stand by that
i see the skittles relationship as quiet & abiding. they are all using the friendship to self-soothe in their own ways and it makes it codependent but in a gentle sense... layers of caretaking. the weird kids who eat lunch on the picnic bench and don't seem to talk much but are never seen apart. they don't banter loudly like the marauders but they're all holding hands under the table
#a#t#I actually have more to say but this is getting out of hand 😭#if you wanted to send another ask i would elaborate perhaps#THE WAY ROSEKILLER GETTING TOGETHER WOULD HIT THAT FRIENDGROUP LIKE 9/11
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REVERSE ENGINEERING THE PURPOSE OF THE CROWN OF ILLUSIONS
just hear me out. then you can tell me if im insane.
in bloodborne, there is a unique piece of head wear called "the crown of illusions". it serves a single purpose: to open an illusory wall revealing the location of an otherwise entirely hidden NPC, annalise, queen of the vilebloods.
the crown is dropped after a boss battle and you are intended to put it on immediately after the fight so that the fake wall can be revealed in a cut scene. they did NOT want you to miss this mechanic. otherwise, why not simply have the throne room blocked by a fog gate? its fine for other bosses, right?
this mechanic is never used again. this is insanely weird because 1. there are other illusory walls in the game specifically in the chalice dungeons (twice, i believe, in the lowest possible levels). however, they function like standard fromsoft illusory walls and are revealed by hitting them with a weapon. the crown does nothing. and 2. there is otherwise no satisfactory explanation for this mechanic at all.
i have often expressed my frustration that when things dont "line up" in fromsoft games its chalked up to dev error or some flavor of "its all dreams/made up" which i refuse to entertain unless its the last possible explanation barring literally all others. this stupid crown has been bothering me for years because of how seemingly inexplicable it is. this has been doubled by the fact that the crown is not unique; alfred leaves a crown of his own (and must have had it to enter the queen's chambers) at the end of his quest and the titular sages of the "sage's hair" item are depicted as wearing crowns.
visually, the sage items are based off the real life concept of catacomb saints (and, in fact, i think "saint" would have been a better translation over "sage" considering this, but thats neither here nor there), hence the gems and jewels and crowns and shit. that part makes sense to me just fine. but where else would this illusion mechanic have been used?
ill tell you where: in the secret 4th layers of the "canon" (non-root) chalice dungeons!
canonically, there is only one chalice dungeon with a 4th layer, otherwise they all end at layer 3. this also intrigued me bc of its irregularity in a system of "dungeons" that are almost entirely copy-pasted rooms; why choose a completely random chalice in the middle of the sequence have an extra layer?
i came up with my own explanation for this that works a treat: the chalice in question, lower pthumeru, has rom the vacuous spider as its THIRD LAYER boss. rom is a boss you would have first encountered outside of the dungeons who has a unique ability: to block rituals and secrets from sight. the rom you fight in the main story is hiding a secret ritual and killing her reveals the ritual to the world. the rom you fight in the dungeons is hiding a secret layer of the labyrinth wherein the hunter will find a truly terrible secret: the source of the beast blood.
we now know this fourth layer IS narratively intended to be a secret layer...because EVERY story-related chalice dungeon had a secret 4th layer! they are "fully functional" if not a bit odd/broken (but not NEARLY not to the point of other hacked dungeons) but with bosses that either fucking suck or are placeholders (...or im coping lol). but look at this: ive timestamped this video at the point where the 4th layer elevator "reveals" itself!
youtube
other boss room exits are simply blocked by a fog wall (or, if you're on the last layer, it dead ends and you use the lamp to warp out). this "fade in" effect is the illusory reveal effect! as the linked post from the eternally fascinating hard work from r/tombprospectors reveals, there is some weird ass shit in these layers. enough that i started a red string wall of madness to try to keep track of it all. its not even weird stuff in a game dev way, i mean weird in a plot and lore way. its awesome lol.
the 4th layers were only discovered within the last 2 years. i am confident now about the mechanics of how this was intended to work, but still shaky on the ~lore implications~. what were kings and saints only permitted to see and access? what were they privy to that the rest of the populace of the dead civilization was not?
LORE THEORY: THE ORIGINAL PURPOSE AND USE OF THE CROWN OF ILLUSIONS WAS TO REVEAL SECRET 4TH LAYERS OF THE CHALICE DUNGEONS, AS EVIDENCED BY THEIR EXISTENCE IN THE GAME CODE AND MEANS OF ACCESS. THEY CHOPPED IT OUT DUE TO THE USUAL FROMSOFT DEV CYCLE INCLUDING A PART WHERE THEY SPILL EVERYTHING ON THE FLOOR MINUTES BEFORE LAUNCH AND HAVE TO PUT EVERYTHING BACK TOGETHER QUICKLY
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Tumblr Wrapped: BLORBOS!!
thank you sm for the tag @healmydesires 💋🫶🫶
tumblr wrapped canva template<3
i have SO much to say, but then again, i always do
i’ll start with my top five, and then do some honourable mentions because five fics is NOT a big enough list for me
1. Red Light by @kiwisbell
you may NEVER hear me stop talking about this fic. EVER. Red Light!Joel has taken up more headspace than anything else in a good long while, and i’ve reread this fic so many times if you asked me to rewrite it from memory i probably could, but i wouldn’t, because i’d never do it the justice kiwi did. this fic basically belongs to me, because no one can love it as much as me. i could go on and on, but there’s not enough time in the world.
2. The Dress Series by @janaispunk
can i let y’all in on a secret? i got the outrageous honour of talking to jana about the third part in this series, it’s like getting a shoutout from an artist winning a grammy, only better. this series restarted my obsession with dave, and i’ve had such brainrot about him since i started. LORD HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL it’s so good, and the taylor titles GOD.
3. Las Mañanas by @kiwisbell
i had to be very careful, or else every fic on my top five list would be one of kiwi’s and people would think i’m biased (i am, just a little). so i only chose my two favourites, and this series was one of them. it brought so much light and life to the minutes i spent reading it, and i just had the best time!! javi my beloved, you have such a special place in my cold, dead heart, you wife-loving POOKIE!!
4. The In My Hometown Series by @swiftispunk
A SERIES INSPIRED BY ‘TIS THE DAMN SEASON *buries face into pillow and screams* ‘tis the damn season is one of my all time favourite songs, and it was done SUCH JUSTICE. this fic had just the right amount of everything, and i’m so grateful i got to read it!!
5. Punishment by @joelsgreys
OOOOOH HOT DAMN. there was something about this fic that made me drool, because hELLO JOEL MILLER?? gods that man is FINE AS FUCK, and this fic so perfectly captures that😫😫 i had the time of my fucking life reading it, and it was so SO worth every second. my next, pls joel🙏
those fics have such a special place in my heart, but so do many others, let’s go through them!!
Is It Over Now? by @planet-marz1 OH this one is my SHIT!!! angst is so delicious for twelve months of the year, and this one shot was me being FED. i loved every minute, and fuck joel, not in the horny way this time🙄
Sexfiles.mp3 by @beskarandblasters tim rockford, the grandma investigator, and love of my life WHERE have you been all this time?? this fic gave me that alligator-jiggling fever
the Seams series by @fuckyeahdindjarin MY BELOVED POOKIES!!!! i love lucy to the ends of the earth, and joel and pins have the CUTEST fucking relationship on the planet
A Lover’s Pinch series by @hier--soir pull me out of the dumpster and fuck me sideways GOOD MORNING TO YOU TOO??? gods the sex is just so BXKANDIWNSKW clawing at my fucking WALLS!!!! i haven’t finished this series yet but when i do you may NEVER hear the fucking end of me🗣️🗣️
the Pretty Little Wife series by @beardedjoel OH MAMA, i need a fan because it is HOT AS HELL in here😫😫these fics give me such housewife-fever, i love them just a bit TOO much
Real Gods Require Blood, by @pr0ximamidnight you guys have no FUCKING idea how obsessed i am with this fic. the minute it’s possible to make fics into physical things, i will turn this fic into cocaine and snort it faster than you can scream “he’s evil!”, and even if you did scream it, i wouldn’t care, because WOW is he hot as hell
Feelings on Fire by @joelscruff CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT. CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT. CAN WE—im so obsessed. and i don’t mean that lightly. this series has CHANGED ME. i am moved. i am reborn. i am SOMETHING ELSE. i can’t get over this series i’m not sorry, it’s just so so SO good
and last, but definitely NOT least, Truth or Dare, ALSO by @joelscruff I’M SO UNWELL. I NEED HIM. I NEED THIS. I AM IN DIRE, DESPERATE NEED OF THIS FIC. it’s so so close to my heart, i actually physically cannot get over it. like, guys, GUYS. this fic is such a go-to of mine, and so close to my heart.
and that was my long, long, LONG list, but honestly, i’m not even halfway done. so many fics and so many fic writers have changed my life, and if i was less tired and had more energy to type, i’d list them all<3
all the love to every single fic writer out there, you are doing the most, and if you need someone to read something you’ve written or you think i’ll enjoy something, don’t hesitate to send it my way!!
tagging everyone who wants to participate!!!
as always, my obligatory taylor gifs:
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WRITING TIPS🗣️
by bunny
hello and welcome to my soup. my letter soup. someone asked a very long time ago if i had any writing advice, and i said no, because writing is very in my head for me, but having thought about it there are some tips over the years that have changed the way i write! so
no. 1
youve probably seen this before. its what i call in my head the 70% rule -
- characters should never communicate more than 70% of what they feel to those around them.
70% is an absolute max, too. most of the time, characters interacting with each other should only articulate 50-60% of what they mean. think of your own life and how much you can struggle to say what you want, or say what you need. you can’t say it perfectly, right? it might be due to the strength of what theyre feeling, difficulty being honest, where they are. the likelihood of ever being to perfectly articulate yourself is low. utilise that, it makes conversations so much more fun to read!
no2
adding onto this, unreliable narrator should always, always (imo) play somewhat of a role in a narrative voice, unless omniscient third person is being used. i used to write a lot of first person pov, and now i prefer third person (growing up🤝🏻) but in third person a narrative voice can and still should be just as strong as in first person - tall ask, but its possible.
we are seeing the world through this character’s eyes: act like it. even if another character is a mess, if your pov character wouldnt notice it, the pov is going to be affected by that. they dont know what others are thinking or feeling. theyre guessing. and those guesses are going to be informed by their own experiences or perceptions of those around them, along with the world in general.
no3
show not tell. this kiiind of links back to no2 bc its sort of related to narrative voice. trust your readers to pick up on implications and read between the lines. every single interaction / scene has purpose - and it doesnt have to be clear!! i promise that even if readers dont get the purpose, they’ll pick up on the vibes🫵🏻
no4
you do not have to solve every plot hole or character flaw to show development. in fact id encourage you NOT to, especially if ur work is <30k.
i <3 toxicity and rancid vibes, so im a bit biased on this one. its definitely sort of an acquired taste. 😕✌🏻 but in short one shots (anything under 40/50k, id consider short, lol) fixing everything is unnecessary!! you can leave things unfinished! it makes everyone feel incredibly human and raw!!
no5
relating to no4 slightly, tension.
never never never show your full hand. theres always something left to be revealed! whether its about the world itself, another character, or someone’s motivations, it needs to be kept secret. riiiight until the end
(this is more for longform writing)
finally
world - your characters have to be casual about where they are, with little exception. the BEST aus ive read are where the characters feel casual about the crazy things happening bc this is THEIR normal, and its taken for granted so much but it really makes or breaks a work.
slang or language, reactions to stuff that we as readers might be alarmed by but they arent - think a burn in a hospitality au or injuries in sports aus - they might not be as big a deal to the characters since this is their normal.
exceptions include charas thrown into ur world brand new / really big events - essentially you pick and choose where the biggest reactions are to events for plot🫶🏻
i feel silly typing this. anyways enjoy
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I hope this isn’t crossing a line to ask but I was reading about your sub adventures and idk maybe I’m being close minded but how exactly did you and your wife get to that point? Like she’s truly not jealous or anything? Like is that relationship going to be strictly sex or are you both open to more? Idk that whole world to me is just so foreign and I’d love to know what it’s like.
Not crossing a line at all.
This got long as fuck so putting a read more.
So, here's the thing. You have to have a rock solid relationship with your "primary," aka the partner who was there first and will continue to be first and foremost. Neither of us finds jealousy attractive, and it just isn't something that has ever played a part in our relationship because...we talk? I know that seems over simplified, but it's true. I never have to guess where I stand or what she is thinking because if I don't know, I'll ask, and vice versa.
Trust plays a HUGE role. There can't be any secrets. Period. Full stop. I literally tell Kat everything. She knows who I'm talking to because I tell her. I WANT to tell her. She's the love of my life. I could easily toss her my phone and tell her to look up something, and if she so desired, she could read every single message I've ever sent to the men I meet. She doesn't need to because she trusts me, but the option is there.
We've had people tell us, "Oh, I could never do that because I would be too jealous." And to me, that is a red flag? Jealousy implies lack of trust, and yeah, if you're gonna be jealous, then you can't do this. Plain and simple. We run into this issue a LOOOOOOT on Fet with hetero couples. Their core relationship is struggling, so instead of getting uncomfortable and digging to the root of the problem, they open their marriage, thinking that will fix everything..IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT MAKE SENSE. idk don't ask me, man. But that has been the most consistent and frustrating part about all of this. I wind up playing marriage counselor because they will say to me what they feel they can't say to each other, and I'm like, how is this my job? I just want to be fucked/choked a little. Im not your therapist. And finding a Unicorn won't fix your marriage, Deborah/Kyle. That can't possibly fall to me. 😅
As far as that person's role in our lives, they have to bring something to the table. They have to benefit us in some way. What men on Fet seem to not understand is that if we wanted to just fuck someone, we could. But we are looking for a bit more than that. We're not saying we are looking for a husband or someone to move in, but we don't really do one night stands, especially with me looking for a full time Dom, there has to be trust and a connection.
Example: one of the most consistent men we've been talking to is very up front with the fact that he just wants to be FWB, however, he knows we are PEOPLE and he is adamant about making sure that the 'FRIENDS' is kept in the fwb equation. He will sext me and get downright filthy, but there are also times when he sends me pictures of his kid at baseball practice or his trip to the botanical gardens and always asks about my day. (He literally stopped talking about eating me out to show me the pumpkins he was growing on his family farm yesterday. 🤣 he is the definition of golden retriever)
We have always been open to the idea of polyamory and view love as it's not a piece of a pie that people take chunks out of, and then it's gone and all used up. Instead, love is always about addition, and if we were to find a third, it's just MORE LOVE. Love is not a finite resource.
I once had a guy on Fet ask me, "If you love your wife so much, then why are you looking for a third? What's missing in your relationship?" And I told him that first off, that's rude as hell, but I gave him an answer. What's missing? Nothing. Literally nothing. We could pack this shit up tomorrow and close our Fetlife accounts, and be 100% happy the way we are. It's not about something missing, it's about the fact that the two of us have more to GIVE.
At the end of the day, we look at this situation with the knowledge that we are so fucking incredibly lucky. Because no matter what happens, we have each other. Our relationship with our third could go down in flames, and yet, I'll still have the love of my life standing beside me, sleeping next to me, navigating the world. And when you have a fail safe like that, it's really easy to put yourself out there and be brutally honest. I'm able to tell the people I meet on Fet, 'Hey, this is me. Here are my flaws, here are my desires, you cool or not?' It is so efficient 😅 I'm too old to play games and know what love is and should feel like, we're a package deal and if they can't hang, then thank you for playing but next contestant.
I hope that helps a bit? The bottom line is that it's not easy because if it were, then everyone would do it.
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Okay so I also agree with you that fyodor's breakdown might have been partially genuine bc yeah I also doubt asagiri would show that entire scene (which was kinda long too) only for fyodor at the end to be like "lmao it was all a trick I deceived you". Imo when fyodor read that note in russian smth did happen inside of him and the start of his breakdown might have been somewhat genuine. But then there's that scene where he stops screaming and goes "...", I think in that moment he might have gone back to normal and may have realized "wait sigma is still there with the gun pointed at me, I have no other way to protect myself, I could probably keep up this act, make up some lie and trick him to drop the gun" so then he probably made up that whole story of the double personality and the magic sword to kill him
OR there's the possibility that what he said about the double personality and the magic sword are at least somewhat true as well in some way, but then he switched back to his regular self and went "yeah I was totally lying, I totally do not have a double personality, it was all just a story I made up trust me bro" to confuse sigma (and us readers) even more
The fun thing about this is that we have no idea which of these scenarios is the correct one and that there's a possibility that neither of them are right and there's actually a secret third option we might find out in the future
This is not the first time fyodor keeps up an act like this to get out of a situation. He used that same technique with ace when he pretended the entire time to have an ability that trapped people inside his mind. But I also agree with you that we've never seen fyodor act so distressed/ooc (the most we got was that 😳 face he made when dazai showed up at the café he was in). So basically what I'm trying to say is, this man has an iron grip on my brain and my puthy and I need him to step on me
- 💍
rambling under the cut bc it got long LMAO
yeah like it'd be insane to dedicate 75% of a chapter to an interaction that had no meaning and like all the shit he made up about that dagger??? i don't think we have all the pieces yet to actually make an accurate hypothesis but im thinking less and less that it was just him lying like that's too surface level. we also still have no fucking idea what that "help me" note was???? and maybe it was his "other self" trying to communicate to him ??? my god this is so complicated
and yes this isnt the first time he's fabricated an entire situation to get out of something but he's alwayyysss stayed calm and collected bc to him having control over the situation or at least pretending to is the most important thing. if he's having a meltdown 1) that's incredibly uncharacteristic 2) he's lost control over the situation and that just isn't what he does.
but the other thing is he just didn't need to go to that extreme to get sigma to put the gun down??? like sigma is just. so naive (to no fault of his own he's literally 3 years old) and is so easily swayed in his opinion bc he never knows what to believe. fyodor is incredibly good at manipulation and absolutely could've just manipulated him into lowering the gun, at least for just long enough to kick it out of his hand or whatever. and like i said before this motherfucker has a gun pointed at him every other fuckin day he's not a stranger to having to sweet talk himself out of that.
in short i think we have no fucking clue what happened and we probably won't for a while but there's no way its just "he lied for funsies".
#im so obsessed with him and his fucked up little mind i need to have carnal sex with him sooooo bad#voices in my head#💍 demon#bsd chapter 108#bsd spoilers#{ analysis; bsd }
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okay so like this is just my Train Of Thought but im not as shaken up by todays news as i thought id be. for a few reasons, i think:
im a different person than i was in 2019
i have a better understanding of how games are made
story mode is still in tact which is what i wanted
i have my phd to finish lol
as far as seasonal content goes im p happy w the game
i play the game more competitively now and ive noticed it changed my relationship w pve
it mostly just sucks to think abt all the contradictions that lead up to this. i think we all agree ow2 was announced way too early in a confusing and unclear way, and i blame abk corpos for that. but i also cant help but feel jeff kaplans vision was doomed from the start. in hindsight, talent trees for every new hero means 40+ new abilities every 4 months. that scope isnt possible without an army.
hero missions were also rly poorly defined from the start. it seems like they wanted to make 100s of handcrafted non-canon missions to grind out progression, which again, huge scope problem. even under the BEST conditions (which we all know isnt the case at blizzard--again abk corpos) that would be a pipe dream. thats just... a decade worth of work.
then kaplan takes off, and so does a lot of senior leadership w him. new team 4 leadership were given a shitty situation and had to pick up the pieces. if anything, im most upset abt all the stuff being vaulted, years of work gone bc of mismanagement on the directorial and executive level. as dumb as it sounds idk if we would have even had an ow2 with kaplan in the drivers seat.
i suppose there are lessons to be taken from this, but idk if the ppl who theyre most relevant for will take them. kaplans team tried to make titan not once but twice, and if the rumors ive heard are true its possible theyre trying a third time at a secret startup studio. maybe the best thing to do is to just let it go. koticks a ceo hes fucking clueless and should take a long walk off a short pier.
that being said: ill always be a little sad for what we couldve had, but im also excited for what we are getting and im a lot happier w current leadership on team 4. really excited abt the lore codex, shorts, new (peruvian) support, the tank who is probably mauga, dndwatch, hero mastery systems, etc etc. sad that stuff got overshadowed today.
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*slides in, falls over a table* so I heard you like zoneporia :3
(you actually got me pretty on board with it and I just wanna hear you ramble about it, only if you want to though)
YESS....HAHA, YESS!!!!!!!!!!! <--*WITH EACH PERSON ZONEPORIAPILLED BY MY HAND I GROW STRONGER*
i tend to fare better with specifics rather than just broad rambles, especially being just not a very shipbrained person in general, but hmm....mm....... god I just like them. So Much. I love you old people I love you the marriage of flesh and machine under the embrace of divinity i love your God and His Most Loyal Archangel i love you MESSY NASTY BREAKUPS!!!!
I'm an aro/demiromantic Aporia truther, i'll analyze ships through the lens of the beautiful ways aromantic people love and interact with the people they care about until i collapse into the earth, and there is never not something that warms me very deeply thinking about Aporia going through life under the assumption the feelings he felt for Eurea were a once in a lifetime occurrence, only to find a spark of joy and companionship once again decades later amidst a Polycule of THe Oldest Men You Can Possibly Imagine. In the glory of a man seeing himself as God. Aporia THE 'not romantic not platonic but a secret third thing (so devoted the lines blur)' of all time to me. He gave Z-one everything. Z-one gave him everything he could. they are both such deeply fucked up miserable unwell people and in the wake of Paradox and Antinomy's deaths they deserve only each other. Miss me with "first loves," we're on LAST LOVES NOW!!! A love burning in the embers of the literal last two people alive on Earth!!!! Z-one's chasing an Aporia that died However the Fuck Long Ago while the Aporia he brought back carries every weight asked of him and wants nothing but to share the hope he was reminded of with Him.
and z-one FUCKING KILLS HIM FOR IT!!! LIT HIM ON FIRE IN FRONT OF CHILDREN!!! YEAH SURE I'LL BE NORMAL ABOUT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im just obsessed with them. it's my god given duty to hook people on this dynamic that's just THERE. IN THE TEXT. MESSY AND VIOLENT AND TRAGIC. Their duel is the visual yugioh equivilent of your parents having a fight in the kitchen. Live performance of "The Chain" (Fleetwood Mac) ass duel. Divorce is real in Yugioh 5D's. They make me sick in the head and I cannot apologize anymore for this. Z-one doing delicate mechanical operation on Aporia's beat up robot body is one of Yugioh's most absolute This Too Can Be Gay Sex scenes. christ alive. and now theyre back in Duel Links and their entire dynamic is getting localized and it's making me explode.
ETERNAL FRIENDS. THEY WOULD FIND AND DIVORCE AND/OR KILL EACH OTHER IN EVERY LIFETIME. GRANDPA AND GRANDMA. GOD AND HIS PET LIGER. ZONEPORIA HOPELESSSHIPPING NUMERO UNO!!!!!
#VERY scattered but just. some thoughts. they make me fucking crazy. thank you!!!#asks#ygo posting#zoneporia#hopelessshipping#anonymous#iliasterliker9000#i need to make a shareable abridged version of my zoneporia playlist and slam it over everyone's head.#happy belated international kiss an italian day
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hello it is time for me to bother you with my paranormal/ghost hunting/detective kids!!
incorrect quotes edition
bianca: in scooby doo, secret tunnels are always behind shelves and shit
taylor: could we not base our decisions around what does and doesn’t happen in episodes of scooby doo?
-
bianca: *beatboxing*
lillian: uh- my name’s lillian and im here to say, we’re the best ghost hunters in the usa-
*ghost makes a spooky noise*
lillian: wh-
bianca: *still beatboxing*
lillian: hang on, we have to get a response! uh- stop beatboxing!
-
taylor: wait a minute! we don’t go toward the weird, scary sound!
lillian: yeah, we do. we always do
taylor: *sighs* i really hate that about us
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elijah: date a boy who forgives you for your past
sam: date a boy who disregards your cracker barrel arson charge
bianca: date a boy who was your accomplice in the cracker barrel arson
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dani: i’m leaving for a few days, taylor’s in charge. i’ve left notes for each of you with instructions
lillian: mine just says “lillian, don’t”
dani: and i want you to apply that to every possible situation
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sam: every conversation i have with you guys gets more and more absurd
elijah: you say “you guys” like you aren’t part of the group. well i’ve got news for you, pal. you’re already on the christmas card
- character descriptions under the cut this is a long ass post
anyway they were not initially for my murder mystery/etc thing i have going on in my google docs lmao
bianca’s the main character. she thinks ghosts and supernatural stuff are all complete bullshit, but she is a bored teenager with enough determination and spite that when kids start going missing, she decides she has to be the one to get to the bottom of it. also she’s bi + ace :)
lillian’s her best friend slash partner in crime slash platonic soulmate. she’s the believer to bianca’s skeptic, but she would actually kill a man to see a ghost. uh, no pun intended. she’s witty and sarcastic, but really does love her friends, even if she doesn’t show it. on top of being the number one ghost stan, she’s also the head of the newspaper club, and she’s always on the lookout for a scoop, so this is the perfect opportunity for her. she’s trans and a lesbian!!
taylor’s the other part of this detective trio but not the third friend of one thank you very much. he’s a believer, too, but more in the way that he thinks a ghost could kill him, so he’s terrified of them. he has issues with emotion, and he argues with lillian a lot, but he really is a sweetheart. when his crush makes a dare to go down to the supposedly-haunted boiler room and never returns, he pushes aside his paranormal fears and cracks down on the case. he’s trans + bi!
elijah’s a soccer star and one of the only decent popular kids… and also taylor’s crush. he’s a closet theatre nerd, too, but despite the rumors the theatre is haunted he’s a skeptic. not that that stops him from pretending to be a believer - which ends up being the thing that throws the entire school into chaos, anyway, since he’s impulsive and bold enough to risk a bet to go into the haunted boiler room, but never ends up returning. fucking loser (i love him). he’s gay!
dani’s the president of the environmental club and dear god just needs a break. she’s caring, the single braincell of the group, and nearly always tired from the ongoing shenanigans, but also always ready to lend a hand. she’s not exactly a believer, though not exactly a skeptic, either, believing that there’s no real proof either way, and she doesn’t exactly have time to think about ghosts, anyway. she’s an aroace icon!!
sam’s the school’s resident cryptid. it’s not that he isn’t there, he just lurks in the back, showing up places he probably shouldn’t be, and somehow always seems to know things. things he… shouldn’t know, really. no one knows how he does. he has a dry sense of humor - and speaking in general, really - that scares people off until you get to know him better. he’s bi!
hailey’s… not in any of these quotes and honestly not overall super important to the story (as of now), but she’s the girl’s swim team captain and student council vice president and definitely has her apples in way too many baskets. she’s a literal ray of sunshine, the absolute sweetest person you’ll ever meet, and the holder of the biggest case of comphet this world has ever seen. she’s a lesbian, if that isn’t clear enough.
#‘kids’ as if they are not the same age as me#as if i did not create a bunch of high school juniors at the ripe old age of 14#**13 actually. i don’t know my own age#reese’s pieces#original characters#incorrect quotes#reese’s ocs
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izuleo and uhh. xingyun for the ask game (I think you like xingyun right?? I was and still kind of am obsessed with them)
izuleo:
what made you ship it? tbh i remember watching the enstars anime and not really understanding at first why everyone was shipping izuleo (bc the anime shows absolutely nothing abt them) and then i read checkmate and lionheart and i was like. Oh. now i get it now i understand everything. izuleo oughgg
what are your favorite things abt the ship? just. all their story. theyve been through so much together, both good and bad moments. how they started as best friends and understood each other like no one else at the beginning and then how it all went wrong after checkmate and they hurt each other a lot during the war but after months of being separated they reunited and started slowly healing from their wounds to the point theyre now living together in florence. the whole evolution of their relationship is just. So good
is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? actually im gonna say the same as you tia bc its so true i really think it too. their relationship is a lot of things but i dont think it is extrictly romantic i cant imagine them like a regular romantic couple at all but also its not entirely platonic either bc they love and care abt each other so much and in a lot of unique ways. theyre def a secret third thing and i believe not even them know how to describe it
xingyun (and YES YES YESSS I LOVE XINGYUN SO MUCH theyre my fave genshin ship and one of my fave ships ever in general too my absolute beloveds <333):
what made you ship it? oh god its been so long i dont think i remember the actual moment.... like i knew abt the ship way before i got to know their characters in the game and i Had the feeling i was going to love them. and then i played their quests/hangouts and started to slowly get to know them until i was like. yep i do love them. i knew it <3
what are your favorite things abt the ship? oh boy *inhales air*. theyre best AND childhood friends with water/ice powers which is the best combination ever both combat wise and aesthetically one is pining a lot and making every possible excuse to spend time together with the other (like remember that moment when xingqiu asked chongyun to go to that haunted place BC IT WAS A LOCATION ONLY VISITED BY COUPLES HE CLEARLY WANTED A DATE) and the other is so oblivious that wouldnt take a hint ever (and so asked the traveler to go with him instead.... sorry xingqiu) but also most of the times one appears onscreen the other is very likely with him bc theyre clearly so attached to each other. xingqiu pulling pranks on poor chongyun and teasing him so much but also 'dear chongyun'. and chongyun may get a bit mad at first but would never hate xingqiu for anything he does bc he just cherishes so much. THEIR MATCHING TASSELS. THAT BDAY LETTER FROM CHONGYUN THAT WAS CLEARLY FOR XINGQIU AND NOT THE TRAVELER. THE YOUNG AND HOPELESSLY SMITTEN THING they just have one of my fave dynamics ever and there is So much evidence in canon content abt their feelings for each other and hngngngngngn im so obsessed i love them so much 🩵💙
is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? mmmm not really? idk if this is really unpopular but if i have to say something. theyre So ace. to me. both of them but especially chongyun. ace xingyun is real and canon to me <33
#ask#ask game#mutuals 💜#i went too hard with the xingyun now i miss my boys......#BUT THANK YOU FOR ASKING ABT THEM <33
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orchid, abelia, sage, aloe vera, please and thank you :)
Hi yes hello Poe! See when you asked me these questions, I had to ponder them and now you got a whole lot of words to read through hihi
ily loads
orchid ⇢ what’s a song you consider to be perfect?
youtube
Tracy Chapmans Fast Car is a masterpiece of combining storytelling and melody with the instruments. It's timeless in the emotions it evokes and conveys and one of my favorite objective perfect songs atm. Jolene and Bohemian Rhapsody are top tier also.
But personally a song also needs to punch me in the heart, free my emotions in a way they can rearrange themselves anew. AURORA has three songs that gut punch me in the tear-jerker way atm.
There's the Mahogany Session of Boy In The Grass that I cannot listen to often because the background of the song makes it so much more emotional.
The second is a live version of Through The Eyes Of A Child which is the most bittersweet thing. I will tear up every time.
The third one is a live version of Murder Song she sang at 19(?)yo and is hauntingly beautiful
My subjective answer today will be It Happened Quiet by AURORA
youtube
And probably those two tomorrow
abelia ⇢ do you have a particular piece of jewelry you always wear or can’t part with?
I have started to wear a plain silver ring on my pinky and a slim silver chain (that once was a necklace to hand trinkets on I reckon?) on my wrist but not always.
My late great grandmother (mother of my late grandmother) gifted me a necklace and matching cuff bracelet she probably got on one her trips to the US (visiting her firstborn daughter in Phoenix, AZ) and my mum thinks it's probably a Native American work because of the art on the necklace. As my great grandma usually gave me money this is the only jewelry I refuse to part with even tho I have never worn it.
sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is?
Poetry and music play a big part in my life. Of all the music that I adore the most loved is always also poetry, just given a melodious form. Rilke is my absolut favorite poem writer (Hesse a close second). I will get emotional over his poems and only indulge in reading his poems sometimes.
When im emotionally unwell you will see it in my nonexistent music listening habits, when im really excited about something I cannot stop the weirdest songs from getting stuck in my head and when im especially happy I hum happily while doing other things. I played the alto saxophone for half of my childhood/teenage years and even tho it lays dormant atm this is a passion that gives my life zest and has shaped me.
Its a special treat for me to get to see paintings and statues in museums (my mum once gifted me with a trip to the van Gogh museum in Amsterdam for my birthday and it was such a well-thought-out gift! I loved it.) I always get inspired by and filled with the biggest emotions when I can see the world through other people's eyes and their creative lense.
But.
Books are my not-so-secret passion since I learned how to read (and even before). I've learned many a life lesson from books and later fics gave me the language and right pointers on how to think about my own queerness. In some ways, literature saved my life. I will forever be grateful. In ten years this answer could as well lean more toward music but rn? Books.
(tao is not forgotten. I love them. It's kinda scary how much of myself I can see in them. I will definitely come back them)
aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?
Having someone who I can be my favorite self around/with - possibly even living with them?
Waking up to laughter and soft smiles.
Having a garden, a dog, friends who live nearby so I can make dinner and cakes for them whenever.
My sorrows being outweighed by the daily, small happy memories that make life so precious.
#i talk#asked and answered#hi yes hello#ily poe#poe my beloved#this post was brought to you by#the formatting on my phone#I nearly lost my patience with the mobile app#and yet#it got done lmao#Poe I hope I didn't ramble too much#but i think#that was the point#right?#hi hi hi
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Im Blue Ch5 A Captain's Mission
The great League Of Villains War. That's what the great event was called that happened all those years ago in the events of all the bubbling tention that the great enemy had created long, long ago. Finally coming to a rest after a periless and long battle that cost the good many live, pieces of themselves, and brought out the worst and best among themselves. All of that of which was now long rebuilt and put to rest. The destruction rebuilt. The enemies all dead or sentenced to the harshest levels of Tartarus had to offer them. The heroes remembered forever for their bravery there. It was a historical event that was now taught to children in schools for crying out loud. No one would even guess in happened just a few years ago. How long ago?...Eh. He lost count around seven, but looking at him first glance you couldn't tell he was there alongside hundreds, hell maybe even thousands of other heroes that fought the battle. He was one of the lucky ones. One of the ones that came out with broken bones and severely bad cuts. That my not sound good at first glance, but compared to others who lost their lives or literally pieces of themselves...He was very lucky to have escaped out of there alive. But a hero's work was never done especially since the news relayed to him that as the Captain he had to complete. It was his own duty as the only coast hero within a good mile or more here other than the Coast Guard and police. Which was harder than it looked. In the midst of the battle many smaller villains slipped by and a few jail breaks, unfortunately one directly affecting him even now years later given the situation he was in now. The loud blasting horns and the chattering of the larger crowded docks outside even got into the Captain's office within said ship as the old sea dog sat there for what must've been the third hour in a row that day just looking over the map on his desk over the areas showing the docks, loading areas, and many MANY warehouses before one would get to the small shoreline town. Many places to hide and many chances to escape because of it if they weren't careful. Now what were they going to do about the current situation. Oh, you're confused? Let me explain. Years ago, the great war on the league caused many things to happen. A change in the hero society. Lots of destruction and chaos. Ransacking. Villains running wild. Many lives on either sides lost or changed forever...But also a few jail breaks. Which unfortunately lead to one criminal he had never thought he had to deal with again.
Innsmouth. The villainus pirate octopus captain who not only was a very infamous smuggler, but dangerous pirate too. Known for all his looting and smuggling back in the day, along with his younger triplet brothers and sister, the Ink Trio. He had assumed they hadn't escaped or was recaptured during the giant battle he had participated in long, long ago since he hadn't heard a thing about any of them for all this time...Until earlier this week that is. Coastal heroes all over had been called upon for one reason and one reason only. After literal years of hiding, they were making a break for it. Word on the street was that a giant shipment of military gear and tech was recovered illegally from sunken military submarines. While ruined, is there's anything that could be salvaged or even researched, and it falls into the wrong hands...It could be disasterous to say the least. So now coasts guards, sea fairing heroes, and police alike was scanning the waters and docks like hawks! They couldn't let this tech and possible recovered secrets fall into the wrong hands! So now it was his job to help recover what would be stolen and make sure nothing grim comes this situation. Every small detail marked down with pen or unsearched on the map didn't escape his eyes as he scanned every little detail over and over again. There's no way they could come through this area without looking suspicious. Wanted signs on the news and surrounding regions would be too much to risk letting them be seen here in public with so many people around, despite what one might think with blending into the crowd, they'd be easy to spot with their unusual appearance. But still he couldn't help but feel like he was-......Missing something. Something really important. But he just couldn't put his finger on it-
Knock! Knock! Knock!
Black eyes briefly glanced to the heavy metal doors for a moment before looking back to the map. "Enter."
The door swung open with a giant metal ground and the sound of footsteps approuched. Two burly looking men in sailor uniform walked in and saluted to him. "Sir! We finished the needed searches as you asked," replied one with blonde hair and a matching beard.
"Good, good. What's the news?," he asked still looking at the map of the district...There must've been SOMETHING he was missing from this!
"I've spoken to the local police covering the ware houses and local businesses along the coastlines. No one by the villains' descriptions have ever been seen, and there hasn't been any rumors or reports of any illegal activity in near anywhere here except about twelve years ago when a young lady was visciously mugged and hurt by a small gang. But they didn't match the description of our captors at all when examined to be sure," the same sailor explained.
Twelve years ago? He wasn't even a hero then, but he nodded still without looking up. "And you?"
"I've spoken to the local merchants and took a look around the areas you asked of me around the blindsides that no one thought to look. All are either locked down by the police or being long gone by now. No one's ever complained about anything illegal or seen anyone by the desriptions we've given," replied the other sailor who unlike his counter part had a black buzzcut, "And our parolles both turned up nothing, Sir. We're sorry."
He hummed and nodded. "It's fine....Where's Sirius?"
They both looked at one another. "We don't know, Sir. We haven't seen her since you deployed us to look around."
A pair of running footsteps changed that tune as the men looked up to the blue haired woman running towards them. "Hey! I thought I heard you all talking about me!," she happily shouted stepping into the cabin along with her two comrades and wearing a similar uniform to the other two. There stood the sidekick in all her glory. "Sorry I'm late, Captain. There was a small issue I had to help out with."
"Well you're supposed to be on top of things, Sirius,'' he finally looked up to the three, "And I don't suppose you have something to tell me other than just a small issue unless it can be useful to us."
The sidekick frowned and rubbed her head. "Afraid not. Nothing I looked or asked anyone really stuck out as important or really useful to us at all. In fact...It doesn't seem like anything happens around here except for a few petty thefts. But the police can easily handle that."
He grunted in response and brought a large hand up to rub at his face anyways. This certainly wasn't making things any easier. Was it? "And I don't suppose you'll tell me about this 'issue' that made you so late?"
"Oh. Sure!," she was happy to tell him as she pointed to her eyes, "I ran into a lost blind lady looking for the one of the stores here. So I just lent her a hand before I came back. I couldn't leave her near water running around blind."
Oh. Well then.
He nodded. Understandable distraction, the last thing they needed was an emergency under their watch right now to distract them. So Sirius might've just saved them a later problem. "Alright then." His brows furrowed as he looked back to the map under his hands and with a sigh he ran his hand over his head. He was thinking nothing would ever happen but STILL!! There must've been SOMETHING his tired and searching mind was missing but he couldn't put his finger on i- He looked up just as everyone else did and another bald sailor came running in huffing and puffing like he had ran all the way here. Oh. It was the last crew member. Probably just got back from his search amongst the locals.
He coughed a bit. "C-C-Captain S-Selkie- *gasp* SIR!!" Heavy he managed to salute before wheezing and leaning against the metal doorframe to help him recover his breath.
"Are you ok there?," Sirius asked extending a hand to him afraid he might fall over from lack of oxygen.
He nodded before looking up towards their Captain. "S-Sir, there was news from one of the local ware houses on the edge of the coast about a mysterious dis- *wheeze* d-disappearance of cargo. I-I ran all the way back here to tell you."
Well now.
The Captain stood all the way up from the desk, crossing his arms and looking at the tired looking sailor in front of him. "Well then, spit it out sailor! What seems to be the problem?"
He nodded back. "When I was monitoring the outer exit of the docks a-as you asked, one of the regular ships *cough* c-came in. O-One of those diving vessels." Diving vessels? Like the ones who collect valuable shells and other things from the bottom of the ocean. "S-S-So I asked a couple of the men on bored about any other mysterious occurances with diving the area. O-One of them mentioned a theif making off with one of their sonar systems from their boat."
"Sonar systems?" His eyes widened. That...That wasn't good at all. With something like that it would make finding those military vessels easier for those villains. The who knows what'd they do with all that recovered goods. "Did they report it to the police?"
The man again nodded. "The report stated t-that there was a scent trail found by one of their blood hounds towards one of the man holes to the sewers-"
"THAT'S IT!!" The four jumped as their captain quickly looked back to the map and using a finger trailed a few thing black lines on the district's map. Of course!! The sewer systems here connected to the oceans and ran all the way back towards the inner Tokyo city. They could easily go back and forth between there using these tunnels and never be detected!! That's the thing he was missing all along!! Perfect! Hopefully he's not too late! "Of course! Now it makes sense about what their plan might be." He looked back up to the sailor. "When was this report made?"
"A-According to the police just a few days ago."
"Perfect! That means we're not too far behind! Alright sailors!" He leaned back up. "We don't have much time before any secrets or anything valuable falls into the wrong hands! So we must act fast!" He pointed at Sirius. "Sirius! Send a message to the coast guard and local police! Get them out to this area and perimiter immediately!"
She saluted, "Aye Aye, Captain!!" With that she turned and quickly ran towards the communications center.
"The rest of you start the engine, and turn on the sonar to full blast! We're patrolling those sewer entries and near the bay since those are the only ways in or out! If there's any activity goin' on down there we're going to find it!"
"YES, SIR!!"
Just as Sirius did, the three saluted and scrambled to get the ship going and ready for take off out to the bay. Looking back down to the map, he once again traced the few openings. Four. Not many and they should be easy to keep track if anything tried to weasel their way in or out. Not too long now before he'd be giving some villains a visit.
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anarcholaw
anarchism can’t really have ‘laws’ as we know them without a state, since there can’t be a distinction between kidnapping/imprisonment or murder/execution. that would require some set of people to have a monopoly on violence, and they can never be fully enmeshed with the rest of the community as long as they have that power. so the tools available to create peace and stop harm are limited because they must be equally available to both those whose job is to use them and everyone else (im assuming there will still be emergency responders to violence).
there’s still going to be violence, though. i see no reason to think there wouldn’t be, and relying only on positive community-building tools is a bad idea because those tools could prove inadequate, or just fail. everything decays over time, after all.
so, let’s start at cops. how do they get abolished? what do they do in the first place?
-cops don’t really prevent crime, they’re for responding to it and keeping records, or just answering calls from people who think something is about to happen
-they also aren’t particularly effective at investigating. modern day investigations rely mostly on manpower (interviewing all possible suspects, which can take a looooong time, cataloging everything on scene and maintaining those archives for potentially decades) and analysis done by a computer or a specialist. all of these roles can be replaced with civilians who’ve been trained in proper documentation & don’t know the suspects, working with medical professionals or chemists. all the body language/lie detection/Super Secret Detective Techniques are bunk, so we shouldn’t worry about replicating them. the rest is surveillance tech. their solve rates on murders, burglaries, rapes etc. isn’t great, though there’s no reason to believe anarchists would do better-- there’s a certain point where there’s no way to figure out who did something with the tools available.
-cops also physically defend buildings during protests and mass events, construction workers/sites. this is the “standing there” part of their job and, again, fairly easy to replace with Just About Anyone who’s been trained in de-escalation
-by far the most important thing they do is drive out and break up fights or mediate complaints between neighbors, and i’d argue this is the function we keep. their ability to do this is currently kneecapped by their tendency to escalate conflict and their contempt for poor people and non-whites. while neighbors can and should step in if they hear violence, and should settle their own disputes when possible, i think it’s a good idea for the community to also offer a third party to help with that.
so, how do we get a situation where a lady can call a group of people to help her when she wants to leave, or go into the house to get stuff, or serve divorce papers, but doesn’t want to get beat and is afraid that’s going to happen?
i think that there needs to be a period of training for the people responding. they should understand both how to avoid a fight and what to do if avoidance doesn’t work. they also need to be given access to the same variety of weapons as the general population (so yes, if this is a gun-owning community, they need to be allowed to own and access guns as well, though not necessarily required to do so). by the way, i’m getting tired of typing Emergency Responders or variations thereof so i’m going to start abbreviating to ER. here are some requirements i would have for them:
-must live within their own ‘jurisdiction’
-must be chosen by lot, changed every term (term length tbd), and term-limited so that it’s impractical/impossible for a single person to serve as a cop for long enough to identify as a cop. terms should be staggered such that pairs/groups are made up of people who have been ERs for different lengths of time and have not previously worked with each other
-must not intervene in any situation without the consent/request of at least one person involved other than themselves
-must be trained (by? potentially professors/the education system, since there will need to be one of those. could also be by archivists who work off of a formalized, more granular set of rules). training length tbd but i’d suggest making it bare bones so that the term can be shorter in proportion. also move de-escalation and first aid into gen ed, the actual training ERs receive should be about rolling out quick enough, how to assess a situation accurately, and how to use whatever tech they have available to them
-must not be able to make higher-level decisions about punishment or the long-term management of harm (like to grievously injure, kill, segregate, or otherwise harm a combatant)
non-exhaustive, possibly wrong, etc. issue corrections or additions in replies/tags if you like. im going to hopefully come back to this soon but for now i gotta go
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1 am thoughts
currently listening to: never grow up by taylor swift
i'm sitting in my room for the last(ish) time before i start my last first day of undergrad, and i just got full on body slammed into a heart wrenching sob session while listening to this fucking song that broke my heart when it first came out when i was like fourteen, and hurts worse now that i truly understand it.
"Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone."
the truth is that i was a military kid who never put down roots anywhere in her life before the age of eighteen. pieces and fragments and memories of the little girl and moody teenager and immature young adult that i was (and still am) exist all over the country.
i have a singular photo of one childhood room that i had as a four year old living in watertown, ny just a stones throw away from the canadian border.
i have selfies of myself from nine year old me in front of my god-awful cotton candy pink and blue walls from when we lived in oahu, hawaii.
i have memories of the bedroom i had in south carolina with all the flowers on the windowsill and my giant care bear collection that took up my entire room and my bright pink princess tv and the closet i'd read until the wee hours of the night inside of
i have memories of the wall of posters i had in my 7th grade bedroom where i cried to paramore nightly and never slept
the bed where i had my first kiss with a girl whose skin was so fucking pale it was illuminated in the moonlight and made her look like an angel
and i can't forget the bunkbed era in my third house in georgia where my niece and i developed a pully system to send secret encoded messages back and forth to each other in the middle of the night, or the big window in my high school bedroom where i used to watch the neighborhood and sometimes stand naked in front of the window in the middle of the night because i knew people couldn't see inside, and even if they could, they probably wouldn't be believed if they said something or would be considered pervy for watching a 15 year old "undressing" in her bedroom
all of these pieces of me exist in the houses that raised me and the people who knew me
and yet they are not roots quite like this house that drives me so insane everytime i come home to it
they don't pull at my heart the way this house does. the way my pretty blue room with the orange and yellow themes and butterflies on the walls and flowers in every corner
i'm realizing right now that i may never experience coming home to one of the houses that truly built me ever again after my senior year. my childhood dogs will not always be around (one is already gone). my best friend won't always be forty minutes away. and my mom won't always be here to throw things at my door when i wake her up in the morning
and that's a different type of hurt
it's a different type of hurt from the first time you leave home because it's real now. it's so real. you make plans to leave the country and not come back for a few years, and it occurs to you that you are going to be a real adult with a job and bills, studying in a university that predates your fucking country, and it all becomes so scary in both the most heart wrenching but exciting way possible.
it's a different type of hurt because i'm ready for it this time. i'm not sure what to expect from this year. i'm not sure what to expect from my mid-twenties. i'm not even sure what to expect from being two years out from having a fully developed adult brain.
but i'm ready and im okay with that fear i feel.
it's all scary and it's all so hard. and yet i feel so much more prepared than i ever have before, despite knowing i'll never really be prepared for a single thing in my freaking life. my life is full of curveballs that fucking look down at the earth and go, "yeah, idk her but fuck her in particular."
god, who knew 23 was gonna be such a big year for me? it's only just started (and more than half of the lessons i learned were when i was 22 lmao) and i've already learned so much
i'm so different from how i was in january, and yet so similar to how i was at fourteen. crying over the same songs, regularly writing in a diary again for the first time since i was seventeen, unlearning the lessons i had force myself to learn to survive, reconsidering weather or not i've outgrown my dolls (i return to this every five years or so), wondering what im really going to do for the rest of my life
i've grown so much in my understanding of who i am and what i stand for. in being okay with not knowing everything and admitting when im wrong and letting things be well with my soul and not caring so much when the effort i put in isn't returned.
things are going to move really fast now, and i deserve a moment to stand back and applaud the universe and the little brooklyn that carried me here.
what a production the show has been so far, right?
i can't wait for the third act to start. but while i wait, i think i'll stick around here for a bit and cry some more.
i don't have to really move on until im good and ready.
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The Hottest Avenger - Bucky Barnes
a/n: im warning you, i will probably not stop for a while with the bucky fics so... brace yourselves lol! also i wrote this before ep 5 came out so its placed in that time
pairing: Bucky X Reader
warnings: TFATWS spoiler, some violence? nothing extreme
word count: 1.8k
summary: Being locked together with Sam and Bucky brings the worst out of you, picking on each other constantly. Following an arguement Bucky accidentally calls you his girlfriend in front of Sam when your relationship was supposed to be a secret.
masterlist
“Did you fucking eat the last dumpling?” you accuse Sam, holding up the empty takeout box where you thought were one more dumpling, one you’ve saved for yourself, but now it’s gone as Sam is eyeing you with his mouth full.
“Thought it was mine,” he mumbles, his words barely understandable from all the food in his mouth.
Taking a deep breath you’re trying not to jump at his throat right then and there. You’ve been locked up together all damn day in the trashy apartment across the street from the building where’s Zemo supposed to be hiding. Sharon had a tip about a possible place where he might be found, but you’ve been waiting to no avail for now. You’ve been growing stressed and impatient. You lost track of Karli and her people and now you can’t seem to find Zemo either. If it wasn’t for the Dora Milaje, you wouldn’t bother to be so after the asshole, but Bucky said if Ayo finds him first, he is dead and every useful information he holds goes to the grave with him so now you are forced to look for him. One failed mission has been following the other these days, that incompetent dickhead John is on the loose too after murdering that man in front of civilians and you feel like control has slipped out of your grip a long time ago. Now you’re stuck with Sam and Bucky in this crappy place, waiting by the window, watching out for Zemo and on top of everything… Sam ate your last dumpling.
Just when you’re about to snap at him, you feel a strong grip on your shoulder. You don’t have to look up to know it’s Bucky right behind you, but not just because he is the only other person in the room beside you and Sam, but also because you know his touch probably more than anyone. Only that most of the times it’s not your shoulder he is gripping…
It’s been going on for a long time between the two of you. Started with just some innocent flirting and you never thought it would grow into something more significant, but it did. And now you are officially in a relationship with none other than the Winter Soldier, only that no one else knows about it and you plan to keep it that way. You don’t need the teasing and jokes and the Avengers are known to be dicks sometimes, especially Sam.
Glancing up your eyes meet Bucky’s blue irises and he sends you a look that says “just let it go”, and though every fiber in you wants to whoop Sam’s ass, you let it slip.
“Don’t tell me you’re gonna get mad about a dumpling,” Sam chuckles as he chews on the food that you should be enjoying right now.
“I can get mad about whatever I want to,” you growl back, growing quite irritated of him at this point.
“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” he huffs under his breath, clearly not as bothered as he should be. Before you could do any harm in him, you leave your spot by the window, needing a breather from… well, from him.
“Hey, it’s still your turn!” he calls after you.
“I need a break,” you growl back.
“Get your ass back here, we agreed to switch every two hours!”
“Sam! I’m walking out because I’m way too tempted to punch you in the face right now!” you snap at him, losing your patience. He rises from his seat with a hard expression, not quite a fan of the way you just talked to him, but you couldn’t care less.
“You think you could actually throw one? Because last time we fought you couldn’t really get a hold of me,” he narrows his eyes at you, coming to stand tall in front of you, trying to intimidate you with how much taller and stronger he might be, but you both know you’re a better fighter.
“It’s easy to talk with your fancy tech stuff. Why don’t we see who wins in a simple battle?” you challenge him with faked boredom.
“Guys, stop. We should be looking out for Zemo, not tearing each other apart,” Bucky tries to end the staring contest, sticking his metal arm between the two of you in case any of you decides to launch at the other one.
“Then tell her to stop bitching!” Sam nods in your way.
“I’m not bitching, I’m just fed up with your bullshit!” you spat back at him, leaning closer, your chest coming in contact with Bucky’s extended arm.
“Don’t talk to her like that, Sam,” Bucky warns him, but Sam snorts dryly.
“Don’t tell me you are taking her side, she is throwing a fit for a fucking dumpling!”
“I’m not taking sides, just trying to settle this stupid disagreement here,” he defends himself and you roll your eyes.
“You can’t tell me she is not overreacting it, Buck!” Sam laughs in disbelief, taking a step back, dropping the act that he wants to fight you. He probably knows he would come out as a ridiculous loser. “This is fucking insane, I’m not in the mood to deal with your shit, Y/N,” he shakes his head.
“Hey!” Bucky snaps at him. “Don’t talk to my girlfriend like that, okay?!”
“I’m just—wait, what?!” Sam’s eyes widen and you freeze too.
Your dumbass boyfriend didn’t just out the two of you, did he? What else is about to come?! Sam’s shock turns into a cocky grin as his eyes shift between you and Bucky.
“You guys… you guys are fucking?” he asks with a delightful laugh and you close your eyes sighing, already tired of his shit.
“That’s not—We’re not fucking, I mean… It’s not like that,” Bucky stutters, but it’s just making it worse. He looks at you with terror in his eyes, but you are way too drained to deal with it the right way.
“Yes, we are fucking! And we are in a mature adult relationship! Get yourself over it!” you bark at Sam before turning around and walking out.
You faintly hear the two men talk inside, but you don’t make out the words. You don’t go too far, sitting on the steps leading up to the third floor. Soon enough you hear the door of the apartment open with a creak and a moment later Bucky shows up in your sight. He sits beside you, remaining silent for a little before speaking up.
“Sorry for running my mouth,” he mumbles, his head hanging low.
“It’s… fine,” you breathe out. Bucky fidgets with his fingers and you know he wants to touch you in any kind of way as a reassurance that it really is fine. You don’t want to hold a grudge, it was an accident, you’re just a little bummed it’s not gonna be just the two of you anymore. Reaching out you take his hand, the real one that’s flesh and meat and you lace your fingers together as he peeks at you, still reserved and hesitant.
“Is it really fine or are you just bottling it up?”
“It really is fine,” you chuckle softly and leaning closer you kiss his scruffy cheek. “The only reason I wanted to keep it a secret is because you know how vickery the guys can get. I just didn’t want them to pick on us.”
“They do it because they are just jealous,” he smirks playfully, his shoulder bumping against yours.
“Yeah? Of what?” A soft chuckle slips through your lips.
“That I scored the hottest Avenger,” he replies smugly and you can’t help but laugh with your head snapping back.
“I didn’t know you were fucking Thor!” you retort and immediately see his smirk vanish from his lips as he stares back at you, not enjoying your joke as much as you are.
“Thor? Really? Not this shit again, Y/N,” he narrows his eyes at you. Back when you were just skirting around each other, you loved pulling his leg, joking about how much you are into the hottest Avenger, aka Thor. He never appreciated it, usually earned you a tight-lipped smile before he mumbled “Tarzan’s got nothing on me” before walking away, leaving you laughing like a hyena.
“Come on, you know I’m more into super soldiers,” you grin, leaning closer as he pepper his sharp jawline with more small kisses.
“You know, it’s not the best thing to say to your boyfriend when there are now about eight more super soldiers running around,” he huffs.
“But none of them has a metal arm,” you point out, finally making him laugh.
“So that’s your kink? A vibranium arm?” he asks with faked shock and you curl your arms around his bicep, resting your chin on his shoulder.
“How haven’t you realized yet?” you chuckle. Bucky turns his head until his lips can capture yours in a sweet, lighthearted kiss that makes you forget about everything that’s been clouding over your mind these past days. All the failures, the mistakes and chaos fades into nothing, because you have him and he has you.
Walking back into the apartment Sam stares back at you, neither of you entirely sure how to act after what just happened. He then grabs his phone from the dusty table before holding it up.
“I could order some extra dumplings,” he offers and you crack a smile shaking your head. This was his peace offering, both of you knows he won’t straight up apologize for the way he talked, but this is already more than what you were expecting from him. Bucky must have had a few words with him before joining you outside.
“It’s all good.”
The three of you get back to work, taking your previous spots, returning to the task on hand as silence falls on the room once again. You catch Sam glancing at you and the Bucky and you can tell he is about to make a snarky comment on your relationship. And just as he is about to open his big mouth, Bucky moves to silence him, but you’re faster. With a simple move you throw Sam to the ground, keeping him down with your hand wrapped around his neck.
“Don’t even think about teasing, understood?” you hiss at him as he gasps for air, his hands wrapping around your wrist as he tries to fight you off, but you hold him a second longer to emphasize the importance of your words. Then you finally let go of him and he coughs for air, fixing him up from the floor as you simply walk back to your spot by the window.
“Hottest Avenger, huh?” he breathes out, revealing that he heard what you talked about out on the stairs. “More like the Avenger with the most anger issues…”
You just grin, glancing over at your boyfriend who is now standing with his arms crossed over his chest, not even bothered by his friend’s struggles on the floor as he smirks back at you, nodding proudly as if he was saying: “That’s my girl.”
Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!
#the falcon and the winter soldier#the falcon and the winter solider spoilers#TFATWS#bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#bucky#bucky imagine#bucky au#bucky fanfiction#bucky oneshot#bucky angst#bucky fluff#bucky one shot#bucky x reader#bucky x you#bucky x y/n#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x reader#sebastian stan
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