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honeytonedhottie · 27 days

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HONEYS IT GIRL MAGAZINE april edition⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🎀

welcome back to honeys it girl magazine, this is the april catalog. get ready for the inside scoop on data that i've collected, things i've learned/started doing, and just general info like that organized in kind of a teen-magazine inspired fashion. this particular addition's collaborator is @pinkpigtailsprincess and its an HONOR. so pls look forward to the magazine for it girls ✨ and now please enjoy, the it girl magazine.

SUMMER WARDROBE PREP ;

as we've talked about in this post right here, summer is right around the corner and we need to make the fashion count. april fashion is all about the transition from spring -> summer and in doing so gracefully there MUST be preparation.

for any season i think that camisoles r amazing because in the colder seasons like autumn or winter, u can wear camisoles underneath zip up jackets. in the summer and spring time u can wear camisoles as they are and they're so cute either way.

the key to camisoles is the length and the color and for the spring to summer transition, i advise u to steer clear of darker colors or thicker textures and go for more light/flowy, colorful pieces.

FOR THE BLOG ;

i haven't been very active on my blog (or at least thats how i feel) as much as i usually am and thats because school has been kicking my ass. now that the school year is wrapping up i have something that i'd like to introduce to the blog.

MY MASTER CLASS - i wanted to formulate a class that rly went in depth about manifestation so i decided to make a google class in which i hopefully simplified manifestation. just like in my blog, except in the class i formulate challenges, assignments etc.

the post where i go more in depth about the master class is coming out on wednesday (may first) so i hope that u guys look forward to and take advantage of this new resource 🍭🎀

FOR THE WELLNESS GIRLIES ;

if theres one thing that i tried to keep central this month was my health, so there r two things in particular that i honed in on and they are mindfulness and stress management.

MINDFULNESS - i wanted to focus on being more present in my emotions and just focus on the now more than anything. just kind of putting things into perspective. i've had time to ponder a lot of things and kind of tackle the big questions that i like to avoid and once u sort that out it feels like a weight has been lifted off ur shoulders.

STRESS MANAGEMENT - idk whats going on but my emotions have been all over the place and i've been feeling particularly stressed and overwhelmed so what i've been doing to manage that is mindful breathing and affirming affirmations that remind me that im safe, im fine etc.

and later on once im in a clearer headspace i'll journal thru my emotions and kind of sort them out that way im not harboring anything negative yk? and thats usually what helps me.

DOLLY'S SECTION, @pinkpigtailsprincess "SOME OF MY FAVS AND WHAT WE CAN LEARN FROM THEM

Some of my fav it girls What we can learn from them!!🎀

The Boss

Whitney Gilbert + Rihanna + Lil Kim

The Smart Sweethearts

Jang Wonyoung + Elle woods

The Glitzy Dolls

Kimora Lee Simmons + London Tipton

| 𝜗𝜚 ݁ ˖ The Smart Sweetheart !! 🎀

...📧 : Wonyoung & Elle are absolutely perfect for self expression and not letting other peoples opinions get too you both of them are unapologetically Super Feminine & Sweet even people

talk down about them, they always rise up and prove them wrong no matter how much people talk all while sporting their extremely feminine personality and fashion taste no matter how much they get stereotyped as a “dumb blonde” “pick me” or “air head” they know themselves

and thats all thats matter to them!! 🎀 Now all three of these women are incredibly smart thats have achieved major academic

success let’s look at what we can individually learn from them!!

🎀 ; Jang Wonyoung The Successful K-Popstar thats has gotten global success who has the perfect princess beauty

has inspired an ongoing lifestyle trend by the Name of “Wonyoungism” a trend inspired by the beautiful fans of Jang Wonyoung where her fanbase practices and promotes Taking care of them selves and being the best version of them selves and taking inspiration from won young to

⁃ workout

⁃ eat healthy meals

⁃ take care of their skin

⁃ practice good habits

⁃ attaining their goals

⁃ ambition & hard work

⁃ being nice & inspiring others to also joij in on becoming the best version of themselves and have an unbreakable mentally inspired by her famous quote “No Problem I don’t care you’re you i’m me!” and taking after won-young in having a high self concept and hard work no matter what!! and never letting opinions get too you even when she was getting dragged on the internet she gave them more reasons to hate on her even though they know nothing about her

Sources say The Chic Princess is also incredibly smart with some extremely impressive academic achievements including

⁃ took GED & got a perfect score in Korean,english & math

⁃ Won a Science Fair

⁃ Won Match Contest

⁃ Was her Class president 3 years in a row

⁃ willing joined sports

⁃ always putting time into her studies and ever wanted to be a news anchor +lawyer!!

no speaking of Lawyers...We must talk sbout the most fashionable lawyer out there..🎀 ; Elle Woods!!The Peppy Blonde Barbie From Bel-Air is Undeniably one of the most loved it girl characters out there!! she inspires many girls & women to do their absolute best in academics and maintain their authenticity and being charismatic and kind to those around her even with people who don’t like her!!, She’s literally the Pioneer of femininity in the work force bringing her girly & hyperfeminine personality + style while also studying law and becoming a lawyer

...but it’s not always glitz and glamour for Elleseeing as early on in the movie no one seems to genuinely taker her seriously and judging her too quickly because of her girly style,chipper personality & being a classic sorority queen but as elle and had more and more people on her back about her “being a ditz” “not being smart enough” she makes her own one women revolution on a quest to prove them all wrong! and when doing this she still doesn’t stray away from her bubbly personality and trendy style and with doing this proving thats girls can be girly and hyperfem and still be smart and pursue a career but even with doing this she can’t seem to shake the image of the stereotypical “Dumb Blonde” as we see in the movie when her professor seems to only hire ell because she’s pretty and not because of her academic success.

now obviously this makes elle spiral and think shes not good enough to where she ends up giving up becoming a lawyer because she feels as though because shes the stereotypical blonde rich girl from bel-air that she can’t be anything but a pretty face but still after the fact elle picks herself back up in one of the final scene of the MovieShowing up to the courtroom sport her ICONIC Pink dress and Bedazzled Pink Pumps and using her knowledge in fashion,beauty and cosmetics to ultimately win her case even withhaving the hard ship of not taken seriously!! 🎀

these two of literally in my top 3 favorites theyre just perfect and amazing and no matter what they do people are always talking about them no matter what rather good or bad they are truly it girls now What can we learn from these two dazzling women...

⁃ Hard work pays off

⁃ You can have beauty and brains

⁃ Never Dumb yourself down too be someone everyone else wants you to be

⁃ Always work hard no matter the circumstances

⁃ Take care of yourself

⁃ People opinions on you don’t Matter because at the end of the day you onlyhave to prove yourself to yourself

⁃ You’re So weird, Never change that!

| 𝜗𝜚݁ ˖ The Glitzy Divas !! 🎀

🛍 : The Glitzy Diva Type is my FAVORITE!! Im literally Obsessed with Kimora and Sharpay They Inspire me so much and theyre like soo iconic so ofc we have to start of with Mother Herself Mrs.

Kimora Lee Simmons 🛍 : The Mother of Baby Phat How made her breakthrough in the modeling industry at only 15 And Being Signed with Chanel She is Known for Her Love of

Fashion Glitz and Glamour The Fashion Maven coining her brand Baby Phat in 1999 rose to fame without question i mean her clothes are literally so iconic you name she has it !!

⁃ phone cases

⁃ jackets

⁃ jeans

⁃ Body Suits

⁃ Denim Jackets

⁃ Boots

⁃ Hats

⁃ Tank Tops

⁃ Buffer Coats

⁃ Lip Gloss

⁃ PerfumeSHE HAD IT ALL!!

Because she is literally just FABULOUS she has always had this love for the glitz and the glamour and always hold her self too a high standard if she wanted it she would get it and thats just the way its gonna be!!! she had a habit of running up Phone Bills,Credit Card etc. truly princess activities now what can we learn from this ICON!I can do everything by myself, the only person I have to look out for is myself - Kimora Lee SimmonsPersonally

i think she is trying to say she is only supposed to be validated within her self and Only Her Opinion Matter No Matter What and its so true because at the end of the day you know you best and all you’ll is yourself!All the hard work in the world won't get you anywhere if you don't powerfully project your personality and style. How are you going to differentiate yourself from them? - Kimora Lee Simmons

BE YOURSELF!! literally being your own authentic self is literally the ultimate it girl secret and you can literally see for yourself not all it girl are one in the same they are authentically their own and that makes them all special!!People want to throw things at you and make you fall off because you're at a certain enviable height. - Kimora Lee Simmons. Like honestly she such a philosopher and i don’t care like this is so true with all it girls people are always talking about them no matter what because they feel a certain sense of jealousy

towards them for no reason when these women are literally like the best people LOVE to hate on it girl so much they end of loving them They Love to Hate them and Hate 2 Love Them!! 🎀

Now lwts talk about another favorite of mine the FABULOUS ...

⭐ : Sharpay Evans !!

The one and Only Sharpay Evans The Queen Bee that everyone tried to tear down but if were being honest she will NEVER Fall She hold her self to princess standard with her fabulous self concept

“Everything Has to be Perfect for me” Fabulous by Sharpay Evans

Having Everyone always hating in her never stopped her still always being the school Queen Bee She is constantly talked about bye everyone!! i mean yeah she is quite snobby but she is still CRAZY AMBITIOUS. and shes willing to do any and everything to make sure she gets her way Shes The Princess and that will never change

No matter what people say about her own personal style she doesn’t care only her opinion matters Because she’s FABULOUS everything around her HAS to be Fabulous as well

⁃ Wardrobe

⁃ Hair

⁃ LockerEverything

She Believes that she is better than her peers and tbh.. She kinda Is i mean Their Vocals and performance were mediocre compared to SharpayShe stands about too much i mean her fabulousness was too much for them to handle shes

Her Iconess is

Stylish Pretty Iconic Talented Ambitious and Hardworking too much for them they can’t tell can’t HANDLE IT!!

Now what can we learn from these two FABULOUS ICONS

⁃ Only Your Opinion Matters

⁃ Always Put Yourself First

⁃ Keep Working Hard for what you want

⁃ If Something isn’t up to your standards don’t settle for less

⁃ No Matter how much people talk and knock you down you’re still gonna be above their Judgement!!

⁃ Only Conform too your own standard

CELEBS ;

i wanna start off this section strong and talk about jojo siwa's new release "karma". i've linked the music video there so u can watch it and feel free to share ur opinions in the comment section but shes been receiving lots of mixed reviews from netizens.

most of the backlash comes from interviews that shes done like when she said that she was the first person in her generation to have this major of a rebrand. a huge shift in all this drama tho was when people found out that she did NOT in fact write the song like she claimed she did, which does NOT look good for her

she bought the song from brit smith and its like, WORD FOR WORD. and people feel some kind of way bcuz jojo could've just straight up been honest and say that she bought the song, which a lot of artists in the music industry do and theres nothing inherently wrong with it.

but the problem is that she tried to make it seem like she wrote it and even goes as far as to claim that she did in fact write it. and now that its shown that she bought it from brit smith, it kinda just blew up in her face.

PREP FOR NEXT YEAR ;

as we know the 2023-2024 school year is coming to an end very soon and if ur anything like me, ur feeling FATIGUED. and rightfully so of course, school can be super taxing sometimes.

this is ur sign though to take a BREAK, spend a day just for you and for rejuvenation bcuz to keep going u need to have strength. school is almost done U GOT THIS. what helps me is to count down the days until school lets out so that i can be excited 🍹✨

now is the time tho to plan out what courses ur gonna take next year, wrap up whatever u need to for this school year so that u can walk into the next school year ready to dominate. make plans for the summer and hype urself up to have an amazing time!

thats all for this months catalog, there will be a new edition each month with new content and it'll be updated on a monthly basis so if thats something that interests you or if you like these kinds of posts stay tuned for the next, till next month girlies✨

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tinykonig · 1 year

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König x Reader Headcanons

this is my first post!!!! im so excited!! i have had an extremely annoying day and just wanted to write these down to cheer me up a bit- hope you guys like them as well :) some of these are self indulgent so forgive me. im writing my könig fic but its taking a while since finals are upon me :/ Warnings: NSFW at the bottom, I put an indicator before :)

He is an extremely active listener. If he’s standing and you are talking to him, he has his feet pointed towards you and his head ducked down a bit so he can hear you better since he’s so tall. Nods along to whatever you say and generally has attentive body language

Remembers the smallest details from any conversation. You tell him a story about your childhood pet and months later he will casually say the pet’s name in another conversation. It always takes you off guard a little

When he realizes he likes you, he panics. Writes frantically in his journal for about 3 hours about it.

You catch on to his little crush pretty quickly, given how he lingers near you more than anyone else and gets shy at the smallest interactions

When you finally confess to him that you feel similarly he is so incredibly happy but flustered. Had to take a cold shower that night to calm himself down

Gives you little gifts all the time (one of his love languages for sure). A drawing he did, a flower he saw on the side of the road, some candy he brought from home, etc

Also collects anything you may gift him. Hoards them and protects them like they are living and breathing

Goes through them on nights when you two have to be apart. He can be extremely sentimental

If you are an artist in anyway, he is your HYPE MAN. Hangs up your drawings/poems/photographs, whatever it may be, in his little dorm room

He melts if you cook/bake him something homemade. Like seriously might get choked up. He loves the smell of baked goods, it always makes him feel right at home. You always try to bake him something on his birthday and he is over the moon about it

Protective but knows you can handle yourself most of the time. Despite his introverted nature he will defend you loudly and aggressively if he senses that it’s necessary

He loves any little weird quirks you may have. You love the smell of clean laundry? He thought it was so cute when you would sniff the shirts coming out of the dryer

OH OH OH LOVES THE THING WHERE YOU HAVE ONE HEADPHONE AND HE HAS THE OTHER AND YOU LISTEN TO THE SAME MUSIC AND JUST HANG OUT. oh man

Accidentally bumps into/knocks you with his hands or arms soooo often. He’s a big boy who doesnt quite have spatial awareness sometimes

He feels so bad everytime it happens and just cradles your face in his hands and apologizing so rapidly (it never really hurts but you like the attention so)

If you dont know german he will give you a “german word of the day” and will say it to you the entire day in context until you guess what it means

Is so excited when you guess right

Not gonna be into PDA it’s too much for him. He’s just constantly your shadow 24/7 in public. The most is having a hand on your back or shoulder so you don’t get lost in a crowd

In private however. Clingiest boy alive (his other love language is physical touch)

Lives for you laying your head on his lap. Plays with your hair or traces your features while he talks to you about his day or a book he started reading

Has the most expressive eyes in the world

I headcannon him as ginger, his hair slightly shaggy (haircuts give him anxiety so he does it himself when it starts to get in his eyes) and wavy

light freckles on his cheeks and across his nose!!!

With his blue eyes he is truly such a picture of beauty

He isn’t super weird about showing his face to you. When you start hanging out outside of work duties he doesn’t wear it, and appreciates that you dont bring attention to it

Sometimes you make a little comment about him being pretty and his face is on FIRE but he just quietly says thank you and has a little smile on his face

Compliments you shyly but often, will not make eye contact with you when he says it

Writes you super heartfelt notes that he will leave you to find because he can better express himself that way

Don’t get me wrong though he has his moments where he can be very very cocky!!

For example: right after a successful mission when he is still riding the adrenaline rush, he is much touchier with you even in front of others

If you need him to reach something he loves that and gets a little power trip. Teases you and makes you jump to get it from him a bit

If he notices that he made YOU blush, wooo boy he loves to tease you. “Did you like that, hmm?”, with a sickly sweet smile

NSFW BELOW

The first time was extremely soft and slow and sweet. He was very eager but very unsure of himself. Didn’t know where to put his hands. You had to guide him and reassure him and he didn’t last very long but it was sweet

He whimpered the entire time

After that, he slowly gains confidence and learns what works for you two

Still likes for you to be in control mostly, with rare soft dom moments

Will try almost anything once!!

Loves praise. Too insecure for degradation and absolutely can’t degrade you either

Loves to eat pussy sooooo much… You have a bad day? He’s on his knees in the shower with one of you thighs on his shoulder. Its your birthday? He got you like 9 presents but the finale is cumming on his tongue 4 times

He fucking growls sometimes when he’s overstimulated and its the greatest thing to grace your ears

Says “I love you” like a chant when he’s cumming in you

Wants to see your face the whole time

Ironically he is great at making eye contact in the bedroom

He has the sexiest thighs in the world

#konig #konig x reader #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare 2 #send me YOUR hcs i would love to hear #könig #könig x reader

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bbrissonn · 9 months

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𝐯𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐞 - 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐧 𝐡𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐞𝐬

in which your relationship with quinn was never what you though it was, secrets being keep, one of those being you

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction, this does NOT reflect how these boys act in real life, and it isn't how i imagine them acting

warnings: angst, swearing, asshole quinn, not proofread

pairing: quinn hughes x gn!reader (im pretty sure)

wc: 4.5k (including lyrics)

a/n: the ending is kinda shit because i really wanted to post this before the rest of the album came out sooo yeah

GUTS series

Hate to give the satisfaction asking how you’re doing now

How’s the castle built off people you pretend to care about?

Just what you wanted

Look at you, cool guy, you got it

I see the parties and diamonds sometimes when I close my eyes

Six months of torture you sold as some forbidden paradise

I love you truly

You gotta laugh at the stupidity

If someone would’ve asked you how to describe yourself a year ago, the words confident, independent and strong would’ve been some you used, but using them now if someone would ask you the same question wouldn't be right. You were no longer that person, the one who always had a smile on her face, one who was always kind and considerate of other’s in the room. No, that you was dead, and it was all his fault.

When you had met Quinn almost a year ago now, he was the sweetest boy you had ever meet, his personality almost the same as yours. So it was no surprise to you that the two of you ended up hanging out as friends multiple before eventually asked you out on a date. You hesitated at first, scared to ruin your friendship, but the hockey boy was everything you dreamed of in a man, and you knew denying him would be a mistake, so you agreed.

The two of you then started dating in January, and everything between the two of you was amazing. Sure, you guys didn’t see each other as often as you’d like, with him having practices in the morning and you working until late at night, mainly around the time his games would start. But you made it work, you saw each other at least twice a week, and when time wasn’t in your favour, facetimes were your go-to night time activities.

But all that changed when summer started approaching, Quinn had let you know months in advance that he’s be heading home for pretty much the whole summer, excited to spend time with his family. Of course, he invited you, but you had the decline the offer, your job would never allow you to take the whole summer off. Thankfully though, you were able to switch your two weeks vacation you had taken in September, and move them to the begin of July.

When you informed your boyfriend you’d be able to join in a month after he left, a weird look creeped up on his face, making your brows furr.

“What’s wrong?” You asked him, your head looking away from the TV and over to him.

“Nothing. It’s just… we’re already a full house. You said you couldn’t come so Jack invited another friend. There’s no more bedroom.”

“Oh, well, I though we’d just share, you know, I mean we already do.” You explained confused, it seemed pretty obvious to you that you’d be sleeping in the same bed. He was your boyfriend after all, why wouldn’t you sleep in the same bed?

“Right.” His answer was short and quick before his attention was back on the TV. “You’d have to meet my parents, and all my brothers and their friends. It’s a lot of people.” He said, almost as if he was trying to discourage you to go. You shrugged it off, thinking nothing too much of it. Quinn was a shy person, you told yourself he was probably just nervous for his two lives to meet together.

“That’s okay, I’ll be fine.” You assured him. You didn’t worry much about meeting his brothers and their friends, especially considering the fact that you were the same age as Jack and his friends. You hoped that being the same age as them would make the whole meeting easier, something you had mentioned to your boyfriend everytime he’d talk about you having to meet his brothers, but each time, your statement never seemed to make him change his mind, always acting weird whenever you’d bring it up.

When the older boy didn’t answer you, you grew anxious. Did he not want you to meet them? Was he too ashamed to bring you home with him? Doubt and self conscious thoughts being to fill your head and you couldn’t help but ask him about it.

“Do you not want me to come?” You questioned him, your voice shaky and low as your eyes focused on your lap, while his shifted over to your figure. As seconds ticked by, regret overcame you, maybe you should’ve just dropped the subject instead of asking questions.

“Of course I want you to come.” He lied, he couldn’t tell you the truth, you’d leave him if he did, and that was the last thing he needed. Well, it wasn’t a full lie, Quinn wanted you there, but not as his girlfriend, only had his friend.

“Then why do you act so weirdly every time we talk about me meeting your family?” You pushed, you were desprated for an answer, you needed to know.

“‘M not.”

“But you are, Quinn! You always try and find reasons for me not to meet them. Are you ashamed of me?” You continued. The boy could feel the anger rising in him, he hadn’t signed up for this. An argument was not what he wanted when he walked into your apartment earlier that night, no he expected a silent movie night and sex, that’s the only reason he had even agreed to come over in the first place.

“God, Y/N, you’re so delusion.” Quinn groaned, pushing himself off the couch, walking towards the front door of the apartment. You were quick on his trail, walking only feets behind him.

“Where are you going?”

“Home.” He mumbled, slipping his shoes on, only to find you standing in front of your door with your arms crossed over your chest.

“No.”

“Y/N, move.”

“No. Answer my question, Quinn.” You told him, your voice stern. The boy only rolled his eyes before gently pushing you the side and leaving you all alone in your apartment. This was not how either of you planned this night to go.

Looking back at it now, that night was the first sign that things were going sour in your newly formed relationship. You knew it at the time, but you refused to acknowledge it, your feelings for the boy overshadowing the red flags being waved in front of you.

The second sign was not even a week later, the Canucks winning a big game in overtime, and obviously they all wanted to go celebrate with each other and their significant others. Of course, that meant you were invited, you always were. So to say you were confused when Quinn didn’t open the driver door of your car like he always did when you arrived at the bar was an understatement.

“Get back in the car, Y/N.” He told you as he walked towards the entrance of the bar, only to stop when you yelled out his name.

“What’s going on with you?”

“Go home, I’ll find a ride home.” He said hrashly before walking in and joining his teammates at a booth, while you stayed in the freezing cold outside for a solid five minutes, confused as to what had just happened.

The two of you hadn’t exactly cleared the air after your little argument at your place the previous week, so you just convinced yourself that he was probably still a little angry and just wanted a night alone. But deep down you knew that wasn’t the case, he had called you the next morning acting like nothing happened, and he had been acting that way ever since.

You should’ve called it quits after that night, go back to his place and pack all your things before going home and packing all of his. But you didn’t, instead you waited until the next morning when he’d called you and act like it didn’t happen, that became his go-to thing after that, acting like you two had no problems.

The third sign hit you like a truck. The season had ended a little while ago, the Canucks missing the playoffs, meaning Quinn was going to head home soon. He didn’t tell you when, you guess he’d probably stay a month, enjoy some time together before he left for the month and you’d join him in July.

Only when it was almost one in the afternoon and you still hadn’t heard anything from him, you started getting worried. You went to his place after work, only to find his apartment empty, barely anything left in it. You called him, five times, three voicemails, not answer. Part of you started freaking out a little, deciding to call Pettey to see if he knew anything. You wished more than anything you hadn’t.

The foreward informed you that the boy had left for New Jersey early in the morning, confused as to why you had asked him. You didn’t answer him, instead hanging up and trying to call Quinn once again, only to be met with the sound of his voicemail.

It wasn’t until the next morning that your boyfriend answered you, telling you he was staying with his brothers to cheer them on during their playoff run and that he’d be heading to Michigan right after. You had never cried over a boy so much before, having to call in sick to work because of how unwell you felt. He left, no warning, no note, nothing, he just left. Little did you know, the next time you’d see him would end up becoming the worst day of your life.

‘Cause I’ve made some real big mistakes

But you make the worst one look fine

I should’ve known it was strange

You only come out at night

I used to think I was smart

But you made me look so naive

The way you sold me for parts

As you sunk your teeth into me, oh

Bloodsucker, fame fucker

Bleedin’ me dry like a goddamn vampire

A wide smile was plastered on your face as your taxi pulled up in the driveway of Quinn and Jack’s shared summer house, the July sun hitting your skin as you stepped out. After getting all your bags out of the car and paying the driver, you made your way to the front door, choosing to knock on it instead of just barging in.

The door opened a couple of seconds later, the loud noise of music playing through the house as boy who looked your age opened the door, a confused look on his face.

“Can I help you?”

“Is Quinn here?” Your question made a slight chuckle come from the boy, making you a little confused. An awkward smile formed on your face as you realized maybe you had the wrong house.

“You’re not his type, sweetheart.” The boy chuckle as he leaned against the door frame, making your brows furr. Not his type? What was this guy talking about.

“Not his type?”

“Yeah, he’s usually more of a skinny blond guy, at least the one last night was.” The boy explained, making your heart drop.

“Last night?” You mumbled, hoping that he wasn’t talking about Quinn sleeping with someone else, someone who wasn’t you, who didn’t even look like you.

“Look, I don’t how you get this address and all, but please leave.” He said before trying to close the door, only you pushed it, keeping it open.

“I am his girlfriend.” You told him, holding up your phone in his face. Your lock screen being a photo of the two of you in bed, the side of his face pressed against yours as wide smile were present on both your faces. The smirk that was once on the boy’s face dropped, before looking back into the house.

“I’ll got get him.” He mumbled before closing the door. A minute later, the door opened again, Quinn standing in front of you as a couple of guys were standing behind him, all of them looking at you. Just as the boy from before was about to say something, Quinn stepped outside, slamming the door behind him.

“What’re you doing here?” He asked, his tone harsh and mean as tears started to form in your eyes.

“Did you sleep with another girl last night?” You asked him, your voice small and shaky as your eyes stared into his.

“Go home, Y/N.”

“Did you?” You asked again, your voice a little louder this time, frustration building up in you as he avoided your question.

“You’re not supposed to be here.” He said, his tone the same as before.

“You invited me here, Quinn, you said you wanted me to be here!”

“Well, I don’t anymore! I don’t want you here, Y/N, so go the fuck home!” He yelled, making your jaw drop slightly at his words.

“You don’t want me here?” You asked after almost a minute of silence, your voice back to being small and shaky. Meanwhile, Quinn was staring at you with anger, rage almost.

“Yeah. I don’t why in you’re right mind you’d still show up here when I’ve haven’t mentioned you coming here at all in a long fucking time.” He responded, his words slowly cutting your heart in half. He didn’t want you here, he didn’t want you.

“Oh.” Was all you could say, you’re eyes now staring at the ground beneath you as tears slowly started falling from your eyes.

“Go home, and leave me the fuck alone, Y//N.” He finished, his tone not changing. Before you even had time to say anything he had disappeared back inside the house, leaving you all alone again.

You were sat on the steps of the front proch, waiting for a taxi to come pick you and bring you back to the airport. Where were you gonna go? You had no clue. All you knew was that you had the next two weeks off and you weren’t about to spend them in Vancouver.

Suddenly, the boy who opened the door was sitting next to you, a small awkward smile on his face as you wiped as many tears away as you could.

“I’m Alex.” The boy said softly, making you look over at him, trying your hardest to smile at him.

“Y/N.”

“‘M sorry, about before, what I said.”

“You got nothing to be sorry about. But, the blond girl you were talking about…” You trailed off, the though of saying the words out loud making you go quiet.

“He slept with her. She wasn’t the only one this summer.” He told you, making your heart break a little more the more he talked. In all honesty, you didn’t even know who the boy next to you was, Quinn had never mentioned an Alex, but then again you knew they probably had a weird nickname for him like they do for everyone else. The only thing you knew was that he was Jack’s friend, knowing none of Quinn’s friend were here yet. Yet this stranger you’ve known for a couple of minutes has been more open and honest about your boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend you weren’t sure at this point, had been during your whole relationship.

“Save me the pain of knowing how many, would you?” You asked, more tears falling from your eyes. But they weren’t falling because of Quinn, no, tears were rolling down your cheeks because of yourself. How stupid you felt for no noticing how weird he had been acting, well more for just ignoring it, how you should’ve ran away from the moment he was avoiding the subject of you meeting his family and friends. You should’ve ran the moment a girl requested to dm you, warning you about Quinn’s playboy past when she saw the two of you at a bar. You should’ve ran and never look back multiple times, but you never did, your love for the boy too strong for your head to do what was right. You let your heart and emotions control your life, and it’s came back to bit you in the ass.

“So, I am guessing you don’t wanna know that he never told us he had a girlfriend?” He knew he shouldn’t, your heart was already broken enough, but he needed too. You had travelled all the way from Vancouver for Quinn, only for your relationship to fall apart because of him. He needed you to know the truth.

“Should I even be surprised at this point? He’s always avoided talking about me meeting any of you.” You scoffed, at the same moment, a taxi pulled up into the driveway. Thankfully, it wasn’t the same one as before, saving you the embarrassment of leaving the taxi the happiness women on earth, only to go back in the most heartbroken one. Alex helped you load your bag in the trunk of the car, silence sitting over the two of you.

“Take care of yourself. Don’t beat yourself up over that idiot.”

“I will.”

And every girl I ever talked to told me you were bad, bad news

You called them crazy, God, I hate the way I called ‘em crazy too

You’re so convincing

How do you lie without flinching?

(How do you lie? How do you lie? How do you lie?)

Oh, what mesmerizing, paralyzing, fucked up little thrill

Can’t figure out just how you do it and God knows I never will

Went for me and not her

‘Cause girls your age know better

You had decided to spend your two weeks off of work visiting your best friend in Calgary, being with her seemed like the only way Quinn wouldn’t be on your mind 24/7, and you were right. During your time there, you barely thought of the boy, your best friend being a light in your dark world, making you forget all your issues.

Of course, that all changed the second your plane landed in Vancouver, all your memories of coming here to see Quinn after a road trip coming back to you. And it only got worst once you got to your apartment, one of Quinn’s hoodie before thing you saw when you walked in, tears immediately forming in your eyes. You couldn’t, you had already cried way too many tears over him during your relationship, you couldn’t let yourself cry some more now that he was gone.

He made clear the state of your relationship when he sent you a simple two word text. We’re done. That was it. No sorries, or any signs that he felt bad, just we’re done. Luckily, you were already in Calgary when he texted you, meaning your best friend was there to make you feel better. But she wasn’t when he came by unannounced to pick up his things.

It had been two months since your relationship ended, and you were doing horribly. Everything reminded you of him, and of how stupid you were for sticking around, every where you went, he was there, not physically, but in your memories. You had just came back from work when he arrived, knocking loudly on your door scaring you a little.

When you opened the door, he just walked in, didn’t even look at you or say hi, instead heading straight for your room. He looked the same that he did in July, only his hair was a little longer now. When you joined him in your bedroom, half of his bag was already full, your drawers all opened with your clothes everywhere.

“Are you at least gonna clean up the mess you’re making in my room?” You asked him, your voice full of anger. There was no way you were gonna let him barge in here with no warnings, then make a mess in your room, not say a single word to you, and then just leave, and if he thought so, he was dead wrong.

“I am talking to you, Quintin!” You said louder this time, walking towards him and grabbing his bag just as he was about to put some sweatpants in it. His head flew up, giving you a death glare before finally speaking to you.

“Give it.”

“No.”

“Y/N, give me my fucking bag.” He mumbled harshly, reaching out for it only for you to step back. You had the upper hand now, or at least you thought so.

“You want your bag back? Then clean the fucking mess you made in my room, in which you came in without asking permission.” You said firmly, only making the boy scoff, his glare still present.

“You’re fucking crazy.”

“I could call the cops on you right now.”

“Really? You’d call the cops on me?”

“Yeah. Clean up, or it’s the cops you’re gonna have the deal with.”

“You’re seriously fucking insane, Y/N.” Quinn mumbled before ripping his half packed bag out of your hands and storming out of your apartment, leaving you all alone again. Tears of anger started rolling down your face, part of you wanting to chase after him and yell, while the other wanted to just scream into your pillow and cry. You decided on neither, taking in the fact that half his belongings were still in your room.

The next day, you quickly go into action, cleaning the mess Quinn had made the previous night, all while putting his things aside. When you were done, a pill of clothes was splattered on the floor just outside your room, and you soon joined it with a pair of scissors in your hands. One by one, you started destroying his clothes, letting out all your anger and rage on the pieces of clothing.

He deserved it, after everything he had put you through in the last year or so, he deserved it, all of it. You showed no mercy, going crazy on the clothes you wore more often than the others, or the ones you knew held a special place in his heart, like his NTDP and Michigan hoodies.

Next were all the gifts he had given you. It pained you, chopping off the heads of so many adorable teddy bears, but it needed to be done. Those gift were given in a way of saying ‘I love you’ but it didn’t mean anything to him. You didn’t mean anything to him. Everything single thing he had given you was destroyed, but the one that hurt the most was the ring he had gotten you for your birthday, both your initials engraved on the inside of it. Scissors weren’t enough for this, so you made your way to your kitchen, grabbing one of your big knife, doing anything and everything to bend the ring to the point where he couldn’t return it.

Tears were falling down your cheeks as you placed the ring at the top of the box, above all the other gifts and his clothes, making sure it’d be the first he saw. It felt weird, like you were truly saying goodbye to your relationship. It was the end, after today you’d never see him again. Your boss telling you you could transfer to the compagnies office in Calgary as soon as next week, something your best friend was over the moon about. You’d never have to face the boy who completely broke and changed you, you’d never have to be in the same city as him.

You didn’t even bother knocking on his door when you dropped off his things, instead just walking in, knowing he barely ever kept his door locked. He was sitting on his couch, a random TV show on the playing when you walked in. You heard him curse under his breath, but you didn’t pay any attention to him, instead dropping the box in the middle of his apartment.

“I hope you rot in hell, Quintin.” You said harshly before turning around and making your way back out his home.

“You’re a psycho you know that.” He called out, making you stop right before his door. You turned around, only to see he wasn’t on his couch anymore, now standing about five feet away from you.

“Yeah? Then what does that make you? I hope one day you’ll feel that you’ve made me feel. That your self esteem is so low that you don’t ever want to leave your apartment. Karma’s a bitch.” You told him before opening his door and walking out. Part of you hope he’d follow you, tell you it was all a big mistake and that he still loved you, that way you’d be able to crush him, making him feel what he made you feel. But you weren’t okay with the fact that he didn’t knowing karma would eventually come back to him.

And it did.

You said it was true love, but wouldn’t that be hard?

You can’t love anyone ‘cause that you would mean you had a heart

I tried to help you out, now I know that I can’t

‘Cause how you think’s the kind of thing I’ll never understand

A year later, you were sitting in the living room of your shared apartment with your best friend, mindlessly scrolling on your phone when an article caught your eye. Karma had done it’s thing. Barely a month after you left Vancouver, Quinn had found himself a model girlfriend, she was the complete opposite of you, but you didn’t spend any time analyzing everything difference between the two of you like you would’ve done when you first broke up. No, now you just wished nothing more than for her to break his heart.

And she did. Barely a year into their relationship she cheated on him, publicly, meaning everyone knew about it. Quinn had grown a little famous because of his relationship, meaning almost every city he went in, people would stare at him, teenagers would giggle at him, while adults gave him looks of pity.

You had ran into Alex during the last season, when the Kings were in town to play against Calgary, and a friendship was born. The two of you talked quite a lot, almost every single day, getting to know each other pretty quickly. The boy soon became like an older brother to you, and you became a little sister to him.

This new friendship of yours meant if you ever wanted to, you could get updates of Quinn. Hearing that the defenseman was heartbroken over his girlfriend cheating on him brough you the most amount of join you had ever felt in the last two years. You slept amazingly that night, knowing Quinn was in his bed, his heart aching, just like yours was last summer.

She had done to him, what he had done to you. Only, his was way worst because of the whole affair being public. To you, it felt like you had won. For months, it was him who wasn’t hurting, but now the table had turns. While you slept peacefully each night, Quinn struggled to find sleep, his mind asking himself so many questions. Did she even love him? How many other guys were there?

One night, your words replayed in his head. Karma was a bitch.

#bri writes #quinn hughes #quinn hughes imagine #quinn hughes angst #quinn hughes x reader #quinn hughes x y/n #quinn hughes fic #quinn hughes fanfiction #quinn hughes blurb #alex turcotte #guts series

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l0cal-catb0y · 7 months

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Hero!Ghoap x God!Reader brainrot

this is mainly about ghoap cuz i didnt focus on them in the first post and they deserve love too!! and i wanna add backstory :33 based off this post i made and i think i want them to be childhood friends!! (its one of my favorite tropes im sorry </3)

once again this is just word vomit !! not my best but it must be shared :DD but also!! let me know if you have any ideas for what reader should be the god of cuz i really have no ideas and i wanna add more details to them!!

definingly have the vibe they would've meet by running into each other playing in a field when they were very young and just ended up sticking together. simon found comfort in johnny's presence and just sort of started following him everywhere he went with johnny just completely okay with dragging this boy around cuz!! he gets to have fun with his friend!! :DD sadly though they have to have reason to become fighters for plot reasons </33 their village gets destroyed, burnt and looted with few survivors left. theyre both distraught and angry with johnny openly wanting to track down the people behind the attack and fuck them up (simon too but hes silent about it) maybe johnny starts getting ready to start that hunt without telling anyone but simon can just read him perfectly and just pulls him aside to tell him that he's coming too.

I feel like along their hunt they would stop and take care of anyone that were causing issues, probably with just small trouble makers but as they become stronger and more experienced they deal with whole gangs of people (they end up getting the names ghost and soap along the way somehow) they become more renowned for their strength and victories that even cities far off know them!! im thinking the group that destroyed their village became an army and overconfident to the point of disrespecting the gods (probably not all but definitely some big ones) so when ghost and soap become bigger names they are given the upperhand with the backing of the gods who wish to put the group back into place. they basically get to the level of demigods !!

romance wise though,,, giggles,,, somewhere along their journey after a hard fight they would confess while patching each other up, the concern for each other far outweighing the fear of rejection <33 the gentle touch of making sure theyre still there and the whispers of love would be so soft after they know its a mutual love omg. their routines change a little afterwards too!! like simon giving johnny little trinkets to have in his pockets (probably something handmade when he cant sleep) and johnny braiding part of simon's hair before a fight (maybe he braids a piece of simon's hair into his own braid and his hair into simon's?)

I don't think they would actively worship one particular god? they would give offerings every so often as thanks for the blessing or in hope of getting some luck with something (finding info or just having good weather) but they are mainly on their own for the most part. yes they are favored more than others but it doesnt mean the gods really care about them yknow? they both know theyre just a means to an end for some of them :((

so when you start looking out for them theyre both just :OO you actually care about them outside of what they can do!! you help them with small things!! your watching eyes comfort simon when he cant sleep!! you guide johnny to peaceful areas for him to relax and draw at!! you send your associated animal to keep watch if they ever both crash after a fight!! they start to add stuff to their routines that relate to you in some way :33 making crafts of your symbols and having one with them for "good luck" or making a small spot for you at every camp they make or talking to you (aka the open air of your spot) about their plans and what they wanna do next!!

idk man brainrot and lack of sleep are getting to me!! im going to rotate these two in this au in my head for the next month ^-^

#clawing at the walls of my enclosure #me when men #catboy talks #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #john soap mactavish #john soap mactavish x reader #john mactavish x reader #soap x reader #ghost x reader #ghoap x reader #cod mw2 #cod x reader #unedited #not beta read #ghost x reader x soap #ghoap #soapghost

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zoroshark · 1 month

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Hey! This is Zoro coming with an update about my health as quite a few things have happened the past couple of months. As some may know, I've been dealing with chronic pain and illness since February of last year as mentioned in this post here.

A quick summary of it was that I have been dealing with constant bladder and stomach problems suddenly that were disrupting day to day life as they were painful and constant. Despite the multiple hospital visits, nothing was really done and at the time I could only wait to see certain specialists (which required a lot of money to see). Recently however, I finally got an answer to what was causing me pain in one part of my stomach! The culprit was my gallbladder and it has been removed!

The rest of the post will be caught off so for those who want to read in more detail, but one issue has been solved (at least i hope so)!

I also want to note here and thank everyone who's been supportive of me during this rough patch in my life. I also want to thank those who sent money for the GoFundMe! However, due to a few circumstances which will also be explained in the read more section, I will be refunding it all to those who donated.

TLDR version of my reason is that I was advise to do so for the eligibility medical/financial benefits I've been looking into. The refunds should be sent in about a week, so keep and eye out!

TW for Medical related subjects such as surgery.

For what was causing me pain in my stomach, or at least one of the reasons:

Turns out I had gallstones that somehow CT scans and ultrasounds didn't pick up last year, despite the pain and discomfort I was in from them. It got to the point where the pain was so unbearable, I was crying for about 2-3 hours before going to the ER. They found one stone had thicken walls through the ultrasounds and my gallbladder was infected from these stones.

Because of the findings, I underwent surgery to completely remove it during my stay in the hospital. I am now close to two weeks post-op and so far it has relieved most, if not all, of the constant pain I've been in my upper right. While I still have issues elsewhere in my body, it feels nice to have one issue solved. I just hope I don't need another trip to the ER anytime soon.

As for the detailed explanation for refunding the GoFundMe donations:

A few months back I after the go found me, I was accepted in a financial assistance program that made doctor's visits way cheaper. From close to hundreds of dollars to 3 dollars, that was way more an affordable price range for me. Despite that, i kept the donations on hold just in cause anything changed or something wasn't covered by the program until now.

Along with that, I've been applying for disability as I am considered disabled by my psychiatrist due to my mental health. After talking to a few folks who knew about the system, they mentioned that the money from the fundraiser could harm the process in gaining these benefits. Their recommended course of action was to refund the money as a precaution, so I'm following their advice. After the refunds have gone through, I will be closing the fundraiser.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Again, I want to give a massive thank you everyone in general who have supported me through all this. Its been difficult, especially since I had to accommodate to the pain and changes in my body. There has been MANY ups and for sure downs, but I'm still holding on!

Thank you for reading on this update, and expect to see me slowly become active again on here! I'm still in my Zonai phase so expect more content revolving around that, along with possible Zora content. Original works not involving fandoms will also (hopefully) be posted too!

Im also thinking of opening commissions in the future! I'll need to ask about that first due to what I mentioned above, but as far as I'm aware, I should be okay to do so (but don't quote me on it). So keep an eye out!

#zoro rambles #health update #tw medical #gofundme update #lifes been freaking rough man #i still have these other issues giving me problems #but one thing at a time i guess #long post #feels weird thinking I don't have a gallbladder anymore though #I gotta be more cautious about my health now

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bones-of-a-rabbit · 14 days

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status of babbit's life yeehaw

tl,dr: busy moving and a couple of other big life things that just complicate things, but well on the way to being back to normal! new fic chapters and better quality art coming soon.

tl,wr (too long, will read):

Helloooo what's up its me, Babbit. or Rabbit. or Bones. or Idiot Moron Menace Child, idk im not picky lol

i know a lot of you guys have been wondering wtf is up with my upload schedule lately and the extreme lack of even basic content and also i am extremely aware that i have not updated my fics in a few millennia and for that i am very, very sorry. this post is to answer a few questions you might have, if anyone was curious about the 'reason' instead of just the 'when.'

my family and i have had a hell of a year, y'all. like, jesus christ, i really hope things level out and calm down for a while once we're moved in to our new apartment bc god damn we are so tired. the list goes: 1. we got kicked out of the house we were renting-to-own bc we wouldn't be able to afford the new rate, so they gave us two months to find a new place to live (not long enough, it turns out) and then foreclosed to get us out. 75% of our belongings were still in the house when we had to leave. that includes all of our christmas ornaments- including the ones kept for decades, and the ones made by me and my siblings, and the fancy ones made from blown glass. 2. the first night out of the house, one of our dogs, freaked out by the strangeness of the situation, panicked and slipped her harness and ran off. that was over a year ago. we haven't seen her since. 3. my cat got very ill and became unable to eat. she passed away almost exactly a year ago. she had been 14-15, and had been my baby since i was maybe 8. 4. one of the tires on my dads car blew out. during the night, while it was parked on the curb so he could put the spare on in the morning, one of the in-tact tires was fucking stolen LMAO 5. we applied to rent at so many places and got rejected so, so many times. it costs money to apply, btw. we're talking like $200+. no, u don't get that money back. 6. i lost my job bc knowing i would have to work 8 hours at a job that stresses me out to the point of exhaustion (at a place where no one takes me seriously and would actively laugh at me when i try to express my need to step away for a minute) sometimes paralyzed me and made me sick to my stomach and made me feel unable to leave the house, and i called out one too many times. a day after my birthday, too! 7. just recently, like within the last week, my dad's car got fuckin totalled!!!!!

THE GOOD NEWS IS WE OFFICIALLY, FINALLY, AFTER A SOLID YEAR, HAVE AN APARTMENT!!!!! I'LL HAVE MY OWN ROOM AGAIN!!! THERE'S AN ENTIRE KITCHEN!!!!!!!

the 'oh god' news is we still have to move in, and replace a lot of the stuff that we just couldn't take with us when we moved out (mostly stuff like bookshelves, dining table, dressers, etc) AND get the few things we could cram into a storage center out and moved into the new place, which isn't a lot but at the same time is more than we can realistically handle on our own. and then, we have to get my mums cats (a pair of kitty sisters that we had to temporarily house with my aunt, who got tired of looking after them and let them outside to be outdoor cats a few months ago. yes, this was an extremely shitty thing to do, and we've been working hard to get them back safely) AND my gecko (who my cousin has been looking after, even tho feeding him worms freaks him out LMAO yes i plan on compensating him) moved in, as well... basically oh my god there is so much to worry about but at the same time it's nice to have to worry about it bc it means we're making progress sdkfhsjdkfhdsjfh

basically i am just so tired but so busy and also thinkin abt so much im so sorry for lack of stuff but i am so looking forward to being able to bounce back, pls stick with me, it'll be sorted out soon i think and then i'll hit y'all with some good stuff i promise!!!!!!!

anyway thank u guys i love u and appreciate u all for sticking around

#bones of a rabbit #rambles #life update #lore of a babbit #babbit lore #personal stuff #vent #rant #in case anyone was curious #long post #tldr #tw death #tw grief #tw pet death

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aylish91 · 1 year

Note

Can i request for more leviathan nightmare sans x reader? (Im starting to get addicted to leviathantale)

Maybe a very fluffy scenario when s/o swims up to nightmare's huge face to give him kisses

Fluffy is good. I do love me some fluff. ; )

Home

The water shifted as you lay in your private den, an excited shout from Cross announcing the return of Dream and Nightmare. It had been at least two months since the leviathan had set out to meet with the council. You weren’t sure what all that meant, but you were glad that they had finally returned.

The others could be insufferable at times. It was a miracle none of you got into any serious trouble while they were gone. Not that any of you were going to mention some of the more, adventurous activities…

No. Those were for another time. Not for welcoming the Guardians back home.

You slipped out into the open, gripping stone and wood as you made your way up the side of the sunken ship. Like you knew he would, Nightmare had gotten comfortable draped against the top, lounging and greeting the other mer.

You smiled.

Coming up along his back, you took pleasure in the low purr he gave as you rubbed yourself against his shoulder, tentacles winding around the vertebrae of his neck. A skeletal hand gently cupped around you as he leaned into your touch. Several of the boys snickered as they circled his lap and curled limbs, but before Killer could make any jokes, Nightmare carefully shooed them away with a wave of his free hand.

“Away with you lot. Dream will be more than willing to regale you about our journey. I will deal with all of you later.”

There were more chuckles as they circled one last time before heading to find Dream, Killer calling back as they went. “As you wish! See you two later ~.”

Nightmare shook his head. When they were out of eyesight, you dragged yourself against the underside of the leviathan’s jaw, slowly drifting up to be more eye level.

“I would tell you things were boring around here, but we both know that would be a lie. It is good to see you back. I hope everything went well for you.”

Nightmare's grin softened. “As I expected from them. It was… difficult, being so far away. Even that infernal ink stain had the gall to question me. I thought I would never hear the end of it from Dream. It was quite vexing.”

You couldn’t hold back your laugh, closing the distance to rub your forehead against his, gently placing a kiss. Lowering your voice, you continued to press into him.

“I missed you.”

With another rumbling purr the water bubbled and fizzed, briefly leaving you empty handed until familiar arms pulled you in. His chest pressed firmly against you as you naturally intertwined with one another and he tilted your chin.

“I too, have missed you. More than words themselves…”

Your breath hitched from the gentle graze of teeth against your lips, gripping tighter when it deepened into something more. It was passionate but soft, filled with adoration and affection. When it was over, he delicately held the back of your head to lean into yours.

"Finally. I am indeed home.”

Leviathan Master List Grand Master Post

#writing requests #asks #my writing #leviathantale #nightmare leviathan sans #nightmare sans #nightmare x reader #nightmare leviathan sans x reader #undertale #undertale au #undertale fanfiction #x reader #nightmare

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lucillele · 1 year

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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐚𝐲𝐬

Shuri x Black!fem!reader

warning: probably too long, cute/sappy stuff as usual 🥰🥰

A/N: happy new years!! i know im not active but idk what to post other than fics anyway i had a little writers block so some parts may not be the best or not fit, also i was listening to the ways when i was writing this so i just thought it fits

@flrboyd so sorry this took so long

translations: usana - baby, sthandhwa - my love,

Out of anyone in the Jabari tribe, you were the most explorative and open to new things. You still believed in keeping traditions alive but you weren’t far from modernization either. The other tribes and all of your country’s technological advancements had intrigued you, especially the person behind it.

You had come across Shuri working in her lab while you were on one of your long walks that were really just excuses to get out and observe how everybody else lived. She was always working on something, infatuated with something new every few days. She had looked so ethereal when she was focused on something but you were careful not to look for too long to avoid making her feel uncomfortable and risk being spotted.

You could usually go from place to place without being noticed by most but Shuri had noticed you lurking long ago. In fact, she looked forward to seeing you in hopes that she could talk to you one day. She had learned about you as much as she could when you came around. She learned you were very kind to others even when it came at your expense or discomfort despite being a loner. Still, you weren’t one to be underestimated, you had the problem-solving skills and the initiative to take control of situations when it was needed.

Eventually, on one lucky day, she was able to catch up to you and talk to you. She’d found out that you were Jabari long ago, but she didn’t care. You had proved every stereotype that she had in her mind wrong as you did with everyone that you met. From that day, you two would often sneak away and just talk for as long as you could about anything that was on your minds. She told you about anything you wanted to know, loving how open you were to learning and with people. No one knew you were close friends, much less sneaking away together for hours. At first glance it seemed like it just wouldn’t work, she was the lead scientist behind many of Wakanda’s tech and the princess and you were a part of the Jabari which was against everything she stood for. Over the past few months, you two had proved all of that wrong.

It didn’t long for your feelings to develop and it showed. You were getting clumsy with your excuses and people were starting to get suspicious of where you were going almost every day. Even when you were at home, you couldn’t get your mind off of what you would say to Shuri or what new thing you might learn about her the next time you two met up.

It was starting to show in Shuri too. She was getting bolder to hide how flustered you made her. She was also distracted in the lab and wasn’t making fun of her brother as much as she usually would. Everyone knew something was up but they couldn’t put their finger on it.

You had never told her how you felt out of fear that it wouldn’t end up well and would ruin the relationship and she never told you either, thinking that you didn’t feel the same. It still showed between the longing stares between you two when there was silence or the increasing displays of affection and touches that lasted way too long between two “friends.” You both said nothing, but you were both getting tired of holding back and meeting in secret, not being able to confide in anyone else about how you felt about each other.

When her father was killed, she came to you for comfort, not caring about who saw or not. There were times when it was just silence and you were just in each other’s space and times when she just poured her heart out to you. She became so grateful for you and vowed to never let anything come between you.

On the day of T’Challa’s ceremony, you snuck out to watch from afar in support of T’Challa, being very careful not to get caught. There was no saying what reaction you would get being caught considering the Jabari already didn’t like you getting out so much but couldn’t keep you in the mountains.

You couldn’t help but smile as you saw all of the tribes together, cheering T’Challa’s name. It was the first time you had seen anything like it with the last ceremony being early on in your life. You stepped closer, waiting to hear if someone would challenge. Your smile grew wider as you heard Shuri’s voice, wanting the ceremony to be over. However, your smile dropped when you heard a familiar chant getting closer. The Jabari would like to challenge.

It felt like you had got caught even though they were nowhere near you. You watched with wide eyes as M’Baku stepped up to Zuri and T’Challa. You had zoned out, thinking of what people would think of the Jabari after this and if it would make things worse. At this point, any hope that the tension between Jabari and every other tribe would eventually phase out had dissolved.

“We have watched and listened from the mountains! We have watched in disgust as your technological advancements have been overseen by a child! Who scoffs at tradition.” M’Baku said, referring to Shuri before turning to T’Challa. You had stopped listening to whatever else he said, too focused on if your relationship with Shuri was in danger.

You felt yourself step closer and closer as the fight got more intense and it wasn’t looking good for M’Baku. You breathed out a sigh of slight relief when M’Baku yielded, glad to still have a leader but anxious about the future. You made eye contact with M’Baku before quickly leaving.

As soon as the ceremony was over, you scurried to get back to the mountains and act like nothing happened. It worked at first until M’Baku called your name as you walked past him, you stopped in your tracks, not turning around to meet his eye. “Where have you been, child?” He asked as if he didn’t know, getting up from his spot.

He had taken sort of a big brother role since you lost your parents. You were grateful but there were times when he was hard on you but in his defense, you often gave him a hard time with your stubbornness. Of course, over the years you had tended to just let him speak and ask for forgiveness later rather than permission.“I was helping-” Before you could even get it all out, he interrupted you, causing you to turn around to face him. “T’Challa became King today.” He said, leaning on his cane. “I know.” You said, looking down. “You saw.” He said, sitting back in his chair. “You think I don’t know where you go every day?” He said, tilting his head and looking at you skeptically.

You opened your mouth, ready to defend yourself and Shuri but opted not to say anything. If he found out, it was better to not speak and let him tell his speech but surprisingly he didn’t have one. You were so in your head wondering about what the aftermath of all this would be that you didn’t realize that he was now asking you a question. You never said you were going to listen. “What interests you so much about these other tribes, hm?” He asked, leaning back.

You had just snapped out of your thoughts to register what he said and took a while to try to think of an answer that wouldn’t make the situation worse but he continued speaking before you could utter anything. “Whatever it is, let it go. Everything you need is right here.” He said as if it was final. You couldn’t decide whether he knew about you and Shuri but you nodded and walked away with all types of conclusions swirling around in your head.

You solemnly walked to the spot you and Shuri usually met at. It was facing where you two would usually watch the sunrise or sunset but leave before you could see all of it to get back home in time. You assumed after everything that happened today, she would want to talk to you about it and all the ideas she had. You were right, seeing Shuri’s figure in your peripheral vision.

Her face immediately lit up when she saw you and sat down next to you. “What are you so happy about?” You grinned, poking her cheek as you pulled your legs up to your chest and rested your hands on top of them. “I can’t just be happy?” She said, trying to contain her wide smile. “Well, your brother became king. There’s a lot to be happy about I assume but there’s another reason isn’t there?” You said, smiling back at her.

“And I’m with you.” She said, her smile falling into a more serious but content expression. You returned her look with a shy smile before turning away to look at the stars. You really didn’t want to ruin her night with asking her to help you decide on the fate of your friendship or whatever it was turning out to be. You held out your hand and felt her immediately intertwine her fingers with yours.

“Something wrong?” Shuri said, rubbing her thumb back and forth on your hand while looking at you for any type of explanation as to why you were so quiet today. You shook your head. “No, I just want to listen today. You seem to have a lot to tell me.” You said, moving to face her. “I bet you already know it all, don’t you?” She said, grabbing both of your hands, holding them, and resting them in the space between you two. “I’d still like to hear it.” You said, watching as Shuri kissed your hands. And with that, it didn’t take long for you to forget about what other people thought or whoever suspected what. It didn’t matter when you were with her.

It didn’t take long for you to find out that a stranger had made his way into Wakanda, offering up the cadaver of the very man that killed many Wakandans in the pursuit of vibranium. You decided to lay low, knowing that he was not a direct threat to you but to your country. You wanted to help in some way but you knew you couldn’t so you just hoped that everything would turn out ok even if it was too optimistic.

You were in denial when you first heard the news. Immediately your mind jumped to Shuri and her mother. Were they ok? What happened to them? Where would they go? You couldn’t stop the pacing, the fidgeting, or the staring at the walls. You couldn’t relax to go to sleep and could only go to sleep out of pure exhaustion. You were a dreamer, an optimist that wasn’t naturally built for confrontation but over the years you had learned to put on a tough demeanor and faked it till you made it. And it was tested in times like this.

You caught a glimpse of Shuri with her mother, Nakia, and the man she had told you about, Everett Ross. It eased your nerves to know that they were okay so you allowed yourself a breath of relief. You stuck around too long though, long enough for Shuri to catch your eye. You knew Nakia had noticed you as well but all you could think about was holding her. You could tell she needed you but now wasn’t the time, not in front of her mother or Nakia, and sure as hell not in front of M’Baku. Nakia was watching the whole thing, not sure what to make of it. She started to say something to Ramonda but Shuri squeezed her hand, eyes pleading for her to let it go. Her eyes focused back onto you, not breaking eye contact until you disappeared out of her sight.

You spent another night in your room, not sleeping. The look Shuri gave you was the main thing on your mind, she needed you and you were thinking about what other people would think. You told yourself it was because you didn’t want her to be bothered with having to explain why she was friends with you. The harsh reality was you were protecting your heart from possibly getting broken if she were to leave you. It was an illogical, pure emotional possibility that you had come with out of your own insecurity. You loved her too much to hide it from her but you were scared of what seeds would other people plant in her head after it would come out that you had been meeting up with her.

You paced all around Jabariland, hoping to find something that would distract you or give you some type of peace. You walked by a room, seeing Ramonda, Shuri, Nakia, and T’Challa. You had to hold back the gasp you were about to let out before you realized that you weren’t supposed to be snooping. Hearing T’Challa ask for a moment alone with M’Baku, you took the opportunity to leave before anyone had pointed you out. You were interrupted by a cold hand grabbing your wrist, making you jump before turning around and seeing Shuri. You immediately wrapped your arms around her waist and pulled her into a hug which she instantly reciprocated, squeezing you tighter. She took in a breath, taking note of the light fragrance you always used that instantly calmed her.

“Shuri?” You whispered, hands still holding her waist. You saw the way her eyes teared up and immediately pulled her back into you, this time squeezing tighter than you had before. It had been a few seconds of you rubbing circles on her back, listening as she took deep breaths.

“I’m so sorry about everything.” You said quietly, rubbing her cheek as Shuri stepped away from your hug to look at you.

“Do you need anything? I want to help.” You asked, leading her to a more private room where you could talk. You sat down on one of the chairs in the room, Shuri doing the same and scooting closer to you when you held out one of your hands for her to hold. She looked down at your hands on top of hers and then looked up at you. “I just want you to be here. With me.” She said.

This sent your mind into a frenzy of trying to determine if this was real or some cruel daydream your brain had worked up. She must’ve seen the way the cogs were running in your brain because she squeezed your hand to bring you back from your mind. “I don’t care about what others think and I don’t want you to be either. I don’t want to sneak around to see the woman I love.”

Your eyes widened. “I don’t want to either.” You said, scooting closer to Shuri. “I’m not..ashamed of you, I’m just scared. What if they get in your head?”

“Nothing anyone says will change how I feel about you. Have some faith in me, will you?” She said softly. Before you could reply Shuri’s name was called. She turned around to see Nakia standing at the doorway, eyes shifting between you and her. Shuri stood and looked back at you, not wanting to leave you. You got up to kiss her cheek and left the room to give her and Nakia a moment alone.

Though you kept a calm composure, inside you felt like you were in some type of daydream your mind cooked up to comfort you. It felt selfish to be focused on your love life while the fate of Wakanda and other countries was uncertain but you couldn’t help it. Though you kept a calm composure, inside you felt like one of those teen girls in the American movies Shuri talked about sometimes. It felt childish and partly selfish to be focused on your love life while the fate of Wakanda and other countries was uncertain but you couldn’t help it. Your current relationship with Shuri had been a constant thing on your mind the last few months and in seconds she had debunked any doubts that you’d thought up.

Though knowing how Shuri felt about you gave you some solace, the threat that Killmonger faced still worried you. It made it worse that Shuri was going out to fight and would possibly encounter a fight with him. He had his name for a reason and based on what Shuri had told you about him, he wouldn’t hesitate to kill anyone who was in his way. Shuri had tried to assure you that she would be as careful as she could but it didn’t stop your mind from going to the worst possibility.

You walked to where M’Baku sat on the throne, not able to let it go. You tried to push down your irritation and worry to be respectful and greeted him with the little patience you had. “Lord M’Baku, isn’t there something we can do to help them fight? There are plenty of Jabari warriors that can h-“ He interrupted you with just a raise of his hand, making you press your lips together into a thin line out of annoyance.

“I will not give lives of the Jabari to a fight that does not concern us,” M’Baku said, staring at you with a critical look. He waited a moment to continue talking, probably to make you think about what you were asking him to do. “I told you to let go of whatever it was guiding you from out of this mountains, hm? And you disobeyed me.” He said leaning up closer to his cane.

“But this isn’t about me. This is about protecting Wakanda from that man destroying our country, if not the continent or the world!” You said stepping closer only to be stopped by the two men M’Baku always had beside him, causing you to huff and hesitantly step back. The more time went by the more you felt your patience dissolving.

“I understand that you are worried about your lover but I will not let that dictate how I,” He said, emphasizing the “I” and getting up, slowly walking towards you. “choose to lead.” You looked up at him, almost as if you were silently challenging him.

The unofficial staring contest went on for a little bit before you broke the silence. “Out of everything that has happened, this is the one thing we can’t sit out on.” You said before walking away.

At this point, pacing had become your go-to stress reliever if you hadn’t reverted to mindlessly walking and letting yourself end up where your legs took you. Although this time, your subconscious had taken over and led you to the spot where you and Shuri had talked earlier.

You sat down in the exact same spot you did, breathing into your hands before smoothing them over your hair. Resting your elbow on your bouncing knee, you had no idea what to do to pass the time. There was nothing you could or anything Shuri would let you do, but you couldn’t just relax like there was nothing wrong either. You couldn’t help but worry when it came to her especially with Killmonger having had enough time to prepare weapons for himself and to ship out.

Your eyes opened when you sensed someone’s presence, hearing unfamiliar footsteps and smelling a comforting but unknown scent. Your eyes widened as you recognized Ramonda, making you immediately stand up. She slightly chuckled as she adjusted her Basotho blanket as she sat down, gesturing for you to sit back down.

You sat back down and it didn’t take long for your knee to bounce again and for your hands to find each other. “You are not the only one struggling to live with all of this.” She said, tucking her blanket closer around her. If you were this anxious over what the outcome of this fight would be, you couldn’t imagine what she was feeling with both of her children out there fighting.

“It’s hard to not think of the worst.” You said quietly, moving your hands to clutch the sides of your arms. “I know. We just have to hope for the best and believe that they will come home safe to us.” Her wording made you wonder how she found out about you and Shuri or if she actually did find out and you were just assuming.

“I am thankful for the way that you love my daughter.” She said, making you look from the ground to her. “I’ve known for a while, I just didn’t know who. Then I saw the way she looked at you when she thought I couldn’t see it.” She chuckled probably at the effort we put into keeping it a secret only for her to already know.

You laughed with her, thinking about the lengths you and Shuri went to just to keep it a secret. It was funny, really. You spent the next few seconds laughing together, happy to think about something else for a minute. “I know that me and Shuri’s backgrounds are different and so are our beliefs but I admire that. It’s part of what I love about her. I intend to not let that get in the way of our relationship”

“I know. I see how happy you make Shuri.” Ramonda said, smiling. You smiled back, still a bit bashful at how obvious you had been all these months.

The sound of multiple footsteps in unison made you look up, seeing Jabari warriors running out of Jabariland. You got up to watch just how many of the Jabari were running out onto the field. Ramonda, also shocked at the Jabari getting involved for the first time in a long time, got up to look too. You slightly smiled, satisfied with the fact that you were able to do something.

Your pacing was stopped by a pair of arms wrapping around your waist, causing you to gasp before realizing it was Shuri. “Shuri! Don’t sneak up on me like that.” Turning around, you immediately grabbed one of her arms, checking for any scratches or cuts. As you put the one down, Shuri placed the other in your hand, watching as you ran your hand over her smooth skin. “Were you worried?” She said, pressing her thumb against the space between your eyebrows to stop you from frowning.

Shuri got nothing but a look from you as you pulled her into the tightest hug she had probably ever had. There was hesitation in hugging you back and rubbing small circles on your back. The both of you breathe and breathed out in a big huff, relaxing into the hug. You laughed at just how unreal the past few days have been. “I love you.” You said, pulling back from her embrace to look at her. The way Shuri smiled widely in response made you want to freeze time and take a picture of this exact moment. “I love you too, sthandhwa.” She said, pulling you back against her.

“Come with me.” She said suddenly, making you look up at her in confusion. “Where?” You asked. “Home. I want everyone to meet you.” She said, grabbing your hand and starting to guide you to the aircraft she had parked just outside of Jabariland. She looked towards you for your approval. You put your hand up to your chin, acting like you were still thinking about it. “Okay.” You said, smiling, making Shuri immediately pep up and practically run into the aircraft. You hesitantly stepped in, looking at how thought-out everything seemed. This was just another product of Shuri’s beautiful mind. “Is something wrong?” Shuri asked, grabbing onto your hand to help you get in. You shook your head, looking around in awe. “Just admiring your work.” You said, making Shuri laugh as she rested her hands on your waist. “Take your time, usana.”

#shuri udaku x reader #shuri x black!reader #shuri x you #mcu fanfiction #shuri fanfiction #shuri fluff #shuri x y/n #marvel fic #shuri x reader #shuri fic

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sickeningly-sweet-letters · 5 months

Note

Can you do a Yandere x reader post where the guy (Yandere) is just beyond delusional. Kinda like in Lolita where he thought she was coming into him when she was doing thee EXACT opposite

Can you do one where he pretends he talks to the reader in his head & also actively stalking them. Maybe even thinking about/ planning to kidnap them

hey! unfortunately i haven’t read or seen lolita and i sorta just went with your idea of them being utterly delusional to that point and decided to make this a sort of bratty, delusional yandere-

uhh so yeah, this may not be exactly what you wanted but i hope you still enjoy it though! thank you for requesting ^^

okay so wow, im so so sorry! i went through a rough time and i’ve been busy studying so im sorry i’m just finishing this now! i have no idea if this is even good or coherent since i’ve had this in drafts for months 💀

i just hope this was at least - little worth the wait! thank you again and im sorry for taking ages ;;

🌻 delusional yandere x gn reader!

- a delusional yandere who thought your meeting was straight up from a romcom or other meet-cute story, they fell in love at first sight! that goes for both of you, right? oh, you dropped your handkerchief! they wished they could slip their number in there when they picked it up for you!

- they played it real smooth when they complimented you they did not and jokingly teased you as they said they’d give your handkerchief back if you gave them your number… well that went well, huh? you were so cute when you played hard to get! don’t worry! they’ll see you around again! they’ll walk laps around this area daily until you cross paths again!

- your luck ran out when you two were at the same coffee shop, they noticed you and lit up like an excited puppy as they ran up to you and just straight up cut in line to order a drink with you. aren’t they so nice when they offered to pay for both of you- wait why’d you push them away? they were being nice! what the hell?!

- they pouted as you just left them again but.. god you were so damn hard to stay mad at! this is just a test, right? don’t worry, they won’t give up! they won’t stop until you finally give in. and hey, they actually managed to follow you this time!

- they bumped into you again as you left your house the next day, for whatever reason, they seemed to just be walking next to you and chatting away as if you two were besties.. they acted all cute and whined when you told them to screw off.. come on, darling! at least let them walk you to the bus stop- oh you walked away..

- hm.. they somehow thought this was just you saying you wanted to talk at home instead of now. but they knew where you lived now for sure! surely you don’t mind if they investigated your home, right? you were basically asking for it after you left them behind again!

- they did the best to get inside and ended up breaking a doorknob… oops? but they were so cute that you’d forgive them later, right? come on, darling.. you looked at them for two seconds longer, you gotta like them at least a little! they waited outside your door and started daydreaming about all the movie cliches.. maybe a little too much.. they figured that it’d be cute if they went and picked you up and walked you home?

- they were giddy as they walked around the block just to act like they were passing by again at the end of the day.. darling~! you’re going back home too? what a surprise! why don’t you hear me out? we live in the same area! you can’t run away from me again, aha! can’t you at least give me your number? pretty please? i’m not above sneaking into your house, you know! they giggled, thinking that their little daydream was a masterplan of sorts.

- they froze up when they realized they missed you.. dammit! where did you go?! they panicked and ran all over the neighborhood and spots they knew you frequented and- who is that man you’re talking to?!

- how could you do this y/n?! how could you?! didn’t you have something special? why?! what does he have that they don’t?? y/n.. y/n.. that man is a fucking bastard! don’t get near them, my sweet y/n! they’ll get rid of this fucking vermin for touching their innocent, precious darling-

- you screamed as they suddenly tackled the man who was just asking for directions from you..

- but they did it! oh, my darling! my darling y/n, are you okay? why are you looking at them that way..? do you not like blood? but you knew this was necessary! y/n- don’t run! don’t run from them! Y/N! DON’T RUN-

- they ran after you after dropping the scissors they used to stab that man, desperate to get you back.. unfortunately for you, seeing a man get stabbed is rather distracting and you tripped.. giving them a chance to catch up to you, and they started panicking and looking all over for any injuries- wait- your hand! you scratched it- oh no- oh no oh no oh no oh no-

- they began to panic as they say your hand bleed from a small scratch.. they used a handkerchief to cover your hand and they insisted they take you home- y/n, darling.. don’t look so scared! they’ll wipe the blood of them, so don’t look at them like that! just. come. home. with. them.

- they giggled as they managed to drag you back home, and they treated your wound tenderly, even kissing it better.. aren’t they so thoughtful and kind? darling! praise them a little for all their effort! they even found all the keys and locked the doors for you! you’re safe now, darling! no more disgusting pieces of shit can even see your sweet face!

- haha… this is.. they should stay here! y/n, won’t you let them stay? no- of course you want them to stay! you just need to get used to them.. they’re strong enough to protect you! don’t worry about a thing, darling!

- why are you struggling? you’re gonna hurt yourself.. you’re lucky they took first aid! but they’re gonna have to tie you up if you keep doing that! please be nice.. this is a good thing! the two of you are together now-

- and for the first time, they may see a bit of clarity as you slapped them but… no. you’re just playing! even if you wanted to hurt them, you wouldn’t! they might even let you hurt them, if they’re honest. but they cant let you go! absolutely not! have you forgotten how scary and dangerous it is outside?

you

are

not

leaving.

- they spent too long waiting for you.. you need to adapt to your new life darling.. don’t look so dejected! this is the start of your happy ending with them! how romantic, right?

you know just how dangerously delusional they are, it’d be best if you indulge them a little. even if it means waiting years for them to snap out of their delusions.

#yandere oc x reader #yandere x reader #yandere scenarios #yandere x darling #x reader

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the-6th-harbringer · 5 months

Text

PLEASE READ

Hey. So. It's been a. while.

trigger warning: referenced suicide

So, if you haven't noticed, I literally evaporated for two weeks straight without any clarification on why or sign of actually being alive, unlike my last two week disappearance. Unfortunately, this unexpected evaporation does not come with a big "ooh more trauma more lore and angst for scara" thing.

This just happens to be my goodbye post.

I know, it's weird and kind of rude for me to dip for two weeks and then reappear like "hey fuckers im QUITTING hAHaA". Buuuut not only was my dad being annoying and hogging my laptop, I also barely have had time to myself for the past weeks. New family members have been introduced into my life, so now I have double the amount of little siblings to look after. (from 3 to 6. dont ask "how" thats a personal thing). juggling that with school, social stuff, fucking exams which are coming up in 3 months of my gOD, and other even more personal demons that I've been battling, its been. a lot.

SO, to make sure I do not pull the same move as Scaramouche did on the last day of his sakurarealm torture(iykyk), I'm taking a leave from tumblr. Don't know how long I'll be gone, don't know if I'll ever be back, but I didn't just wanna quit without at least telling you guys so you don't think I've been murdered or something.

On a more serious note, thank you all for all of the support and love you've given Scara and all my other blogs. While some of you are a handful, the majority of you are actually the sweetest and silliest community of people I've ever known. I hope you all have excellent lives.

Now, as for what happens to Scara, we're shoving him in another coma. which is entirely at the mercy of Wanderer's mod, because they're my friend outside of tumblr too and i trust that they'll use this as a major angst moment. Put an F for Cyrille and Scara guys

NOW: a few honorable mentions and thank yous:

@wandering-hat-guy : im not writing a goodbye type thing for you because i will literally talk to you tomorrow, but thank you for being an awesome brother-sibling figure. you are the wanderer to my scara :]

@an-active-rabbit : Thank you for being an extremely fun person to rp with. The puppets and the heart is a rp that wont leave my mind for a while yet. Many hugs for you! And I wont be forgetting Mikaven anytime soon >:3

@cyrille-leclair-de-fontaine : AUGH budddyyy im sorry to do this to you. But thank you for creating Cyrille in the first place. Cyscara my beloveds, they will always hold a place in my heart. Maybe one day they'll actually get somewhere. Im also willing to be your friend outside of tumblr if you wish because you're cool >:D

@dishonxsty : For also being a goofy little goober. My favorite rp with you was definitely the ouppy's and scara, and also kudos to you for making like 17 bajillion blogs and being able to manage them all at once somehow like???? go king go

Annnd @monsieur-neuvillette , who seems random because I havent rped with them in literally a century, but thank you for being the one to indirectly help me get over my fears of starting a rp blog AND being the inspo for me to start rping on tumblr in the first place. hugs for you too

Well, alls said that's been said, so I think I'll just end it off here, because it's been like 10 minutes since I started typing this and I am eepy.

Goodbye everyone except wandermod, and thank you for sticking with me through Scara's really out of pocket journey.

(PS: Rest in peace @the-tainted-blossom . I miss you everyday.)

#scara kinnie moment #i should probs reblog this to my other blogs acctually #yeah lemme do that

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cluster-b-culture-is · 7 months

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hey!!! if its ok i’d like you’re thoughts on something ig and to sorta ask you something

so im bodily 15 atm, and i have cptsd. when i look at posts regarding certain cluster b experiences (possibly some cluster c aswell) i relate a LOT (obviously im not saying that bc i relate that i have these disorders, i just kinda have a feeling that *something* is going on). its tricky bc i keep looking into things and i cant really find an answer. i also dont know if im too young and that its just because im a teenager.

i wont get into like what “symptoms” i experience rn bc i feel like thats a whole other conversation but yeah.

i hope i dont sound like one of those people that are like “i must have x bc i related to a silly video i saw” im just really confused and i feel like something aint right

i know you’re probably not professionals so feel free to delete or ignore this if its too much, but if not, what do you think?

So, here's the thing (and we will attempt to avoid being patronizing): It is absolutely correct that your age and emotional/psychological development can affect things, and that the process of development can cause things that look like mild symptoms. It's also correct that that combined with c-ptsd (and any other disorders you may have; you'd be surprised how many symptoms and comorbidities autism, ADHD, NPD, and BPD all share) can make it extremely hard to determine where your symptoms are coming from and whether there might be something more.

(You're also correct that we are not professionals; this is all coming from our own research and personal experiences, so as with everything, take this with a grain of salt.)

However. I would argue that it would be far more harmful to deny any possibility of having a personality disorder until you reach some arbitrary age threshold than it would be to say that you do have a PD. Especially if looking at your life experiences through the lens of having a PD is helpful, and if resources for pw/[x]PDs are helpful to you. Even if you don't end up having a PD, that doesn't mean you were just a hormonal stupid teenager refusing to listen to the Adults™ or whatever the fuck--it means that you looked at your experiences, found something that seemed similar, and it turned out that you were wrong; but hopefully, along the way, you found things that were helpful.

Under the assumption that you have done a lot of research, I would personally recommend saying that you have traits of a particular disorder as opposed to saying you have the full disorder, and that is to two ends: one, a lot of adults with PDs (especially in ASPD spaces, if that's one of the disorders you're looking at) will kick your shit to hell and back if you even insinuate that you think you may have the full disorder (which I think is extremely counterintuitive if we want teenagers to understand their experiences and, yknow, not develop a full-blown personality disorder, regardless of whether you think teenagers can have a full personality disorder); and two, it might help you target the specific symptoms that you're experiencing without saddling you with the belief[/knowledge] that you have an incredibly stigmatized and lifelong disorder.

A lot of this stuff depends on a few things: (A) what your symptoms are (and if they can be better explained by other things, especially other things you know you have); (B) how severe your symptoms are (like the difference between being generally grouchy versus being actively hostile); and (C) how long your symptoms have lasted (if they only started popping up in the past few months or the past year versus if you've had them for years and years).

If you end up not having a personality disorder, anon, I think it will still be better for you in the long run to explore the possibility instead of shrugging it off under the excuse that you're "too young". It could turn out that you never had the disorder and it really was something else, it could turn out that you have traits but not the full disorder, or, hell, it could turn out that, by using resources and support you found by being part of communities surrounding PDs, you ended up not developing the full PD (even if you may still have a few traits)--because, at this age, you are still developing, and you are changing a lot, and very little is set in stone when it comes to these types of things--and you should absolutely take advantage of that! And even then, speaking from a more selfish perspective, it will never be a bad thing for more people to understand what it may be like to have a personality disorder.

For a bit of actionable advice on determining whether or not you may have one, though:

(1) Do your research. Obviously it's great that you're getting information from people with the disorders themselves by looking at PD communities; however, not everything having to do with the disorder will be talked about, and quite honestly, Tumblr is a terrible place to find definitive information on the PDs. Life experience? Yes. Actual information looking at how the disorders work and what they can entail in full? Ehhh, not quite. Look at a variety of academic sources, but in the same vein, keep your wits about you--professionals aren't immune to ableism, and may often perpetuate it with glee. Some of it may be obvious, some of it might not be.

(2) Keep an eye on your symptoms--make a manual check against the actual criteria every once in a while (but keep in mind that the DSM is also deeply flawed and biased); @shitborderlinesdo has a ton of checklists based on the DSM and individual testimony that can help. We first started questioning ASPD when we were 14, and we'd do those kinds of manual checks once every several months or once a year or so. It both helps you understand what your symptoms are, and helps you keep track of how you're doing over time. Don't use online quizzes for this; quite honestly, they're not really good for anything except validation if you know you'll get a high score.

(3) Look at stuff other than personality disorders, too, and try to figure out why your interest skews towards specific disorders. For a long ass time, we believed we had StPD and did our absolute best to ignore any information to the contrary, because (due to our symptoms) if it wasn't StPD, the only thing it could be otherwise was schizophrenia, and we were scared shitless of the idea; at first because we were scared of the idea that our symptoms might've been so severe, but eventually because we were afraid to admit that we were wrong. (As I've said before, no shame in being wrong--do as I say, not as I do.)

Ultimately, I can't stop you from doing anything, and I can't force you to do anything either. I'm just a mentally ill guy with an internet connection. My life experiences have led me to this conclusion, and others may disagree with it--that's perfectly fine. Again, I am not a professional. You know yourself and your experiences the best, and I think by this point, you have enough understanding of yourself and the world to be able to figure out what'll be best for you and your health, given that you have the proper resources to do so. You are a being with life experience, even if it's less than others may have; you aren't a rock, and you aren't a three year old who still hasn't realized that touching the lit stove will equal a burned finger. I personally think that the way a lot of folks go about talking to and about teenagers who think they may have personality disorders is, frankly, infantilizing and invalidating, and it just ends up with traumatized and unsupported teenagers turning into traumatized and unsupported adults, with the added bonus of an extra helping of imposter syndrome to top it all off.

I hope you're doing well anon, and I hope you see this (sorry for responding so late lmao). Off into the world ye may go, hopefully with a bit more knowledge and idea of what to do next than you had before.

#not cluster b culture #Mod Reef #anonymous #unqueued #this got way longer than intended. oops

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mattodore · 28 days

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hiii! I hope this question doesn't come off as bad or "ill-intent" or as too personal... Im just asking out of curiosity,

What's AVPD like for you? I don't have it, but I see you mention it a lot in your tags and stuff and was wondering what it's like... A Google search doesn't necessarily help my curiosity much since it's a general definition and all disorders are and can be incredibly situational.

Thank you River in advance if you do end up answering this!

um... how to describe it... i seriously don't know a single other person who has it so it's incredibly isolating to feel so alone in that way while having a disorder that is quite literally The Isolation Disorder. there are some crossovers with other disorders for sureee, like i know my ocd and panic disorder (+ agoraphobia i thankfully moved past in my early twenties) are tied to it and only developed after the avpd got really bad when i was in my mid-teens.

for me, my problems are mostly around connections with myself (like, with myself) and others and having trouble forming them even though i want them desperately. i don't like being seen or looked at. i think about what people think about me all the time. i have to be approached first so i know that the person interacting with me already wants to be, otherwise approaching first makes me feel like i'm invading this space where i'm not invited. i'm incredibly sensitive to the slightest change in tone in conversation and if someone seems like they've lost interest in me i'm out of there. if someone doesn't show the same interest—or more interest, really—in me that i show to them then i disconnect and draw back. i have a very hard time talking to people one-on-one in private settings—hence why dms and things like discord are, like... the worst to me unless i'm being very actively sought out for conversation and then that unease settles a little. private conversations are stressful and i always feel like i'm saying the wrong thing. i'm extremely harsh with myself in all aspects. talking wears me out, because it always feels like a performance—including when i'm just doing something like this and answering an ask. it's not that i don't want to talk—i just feel like no one actually wants to listen or hear me. um. and it's this feeling of... what if i don't do it right? and what if people realize i'm just not right myself and that there's something wrong with me. feelings of inadequacy, of course. alwaysss with the inadequacy, like, it's fucking exhausting. i feel exhausting to talk to. it's not like i talk about my super depressing feelings all the time, like, it's not exhausting in that regard—it's that i'm not interesting and people don't want to talk to me when they could be talking to literally anyone else... um. so, yeah... the inadequacy. even posting on this blog, like, even just reblogging a post stresses me out sometimes. i just always feel like i have to keep up this image of myself or everyone will lose interest or think i'm pathetic (yikes !). i don't like talking about the way i really feel about anything because that invites personal judgment. i'm embarrassed about everything. my whole life. this narrow existence that i inhabit because of the avpd and the way it's made me shrink.

my biggest thing is that i isolate. all the time. sometimes it's for a few days, or weeks, or months (the worst was six months...). it's not just from people—i isolate from everything. i pull away from people and my hobbies and my interests and i spiral. there are a lot of very bad thoughts i have when i isolate and i'm better at handling it now but when i was a teenager it was really bad. it's like... it's suffocating. i can't think about relationships without crying sometimes. um... it's just very lonely. i've only ever had two real friends my whole life—one of which i'd only had for two-and-a-half years before my disorder fucked me up and i got too sensitive about something they were saying about me and fled. i can't form connections and i'm not a good friend. i'm not saying that lightly—i can't keep in constant contact and i can't open up very well and i am overly sensitive to everything. it's the worst. it's ruined my life.

this is why i don't talk about it lmaooo uhhhh. it's the worst of my little mental health issues or whatever that i have because it's effected my whole life and no one in my life understands it and i don't know anyone else like me. it's just... yeah. it's just very lonely.

#river dipping #asks #anonymous #cw negative #<- just in case lmao #i'm not very talkative abt what it's like bc . the nature of the disorder . . . makes me feel incredibly embarrassed and pathetic #abt like... voicing any feelings lmao uhhh.#but there are tags you can go through like ''actuallyavoidant'' and ''actuallyavpd'' to see what other ppl w/ it say abt it #it's not social anxiety btw... that's very different #the isolation is so bad i pulled out of public school for online as a teenager and i narrowed my life down to my family and no one else #avpd in general is just.#well.#it ruins your life idk what else to say #i'm not like. anxious about social situations or public speaking or whatever #i can talk to strangers just fine and without fear #like... it's very different #it's my whole life #and it's like... it's hating yourself. like truly. at the core of yourself... um... and just being embarrassed about who you are #yk.................................. the normal stuff 😁

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