#vent? more of an update
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Im sorry for the inactivity, my cat died recently and ive fallen on bad financial times, most of my time now is being spent on commissions to recover, im sorry for those who are excited for more CTS au or more Sun nd Moon art in general but im afraid that won't be for a while.
#cal cackles#vent? more of an update#i feel bad when i leave ppl in the dark..#but if you wanna help#please consider commissioning me#and if youre wondering why im bad financially rn#its bc me nd my family spent a lot#on trying to keep our cat alive#a ... lot#im sorry for being a downer on your feed#ily all#im hoping to come back to active posting in a month or two
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i was having a chuckle to myself last night about Gristol, and how his plans are basically:
Restore Ford Cruller's memory
Find Maligula
???
Profit
but then... of course they are, right? this is Gristol we're talking about. Fatherland Follies drives home again and again that he's still operating on a child's logic, a warped and reductive version of the world that he never bothered to grow out of. both of his memory vaults center on the images of his childhood, this idealized version of the past that he clings to no matter what. and that's still how he remembers Maligula, too - as this saviour figure, who rushes in to help him when he's in trouble.
[ID: Two slides from Gristol's memory vault, Glory to Grulovia! Left: Gristol clings to Maligula's back as she summons waves to sweep away his assailants. Right: Gristol and Maligula waving from a balcony as the people cheer. Gzar Theodore brandishes a dagger in the background.]
like so much else, Maligula represents a return to this idyllic childhood - to the peace and simplicity of his youth, when he was free from worries and responsibilities. in his mind, he doesn't need to make any further plans - once Maligula's back, everything will go back to normal. Maligula will make everything better.
...is what i thought, but then i remembered this line:
[Screenshot source. ID: Gristol, in Truman's body, bows on his hands and knees in front of the newly-awaked Maligula. The caption reads: "Yes, High Priestess! I am here to correct the mistakes made by my father!"]
and that's kind of interesting, right?
to be clear: this happens directly after Maligula sees Helmut-in-Gristol's-body, and recognises him. her line before this is:
"Little Gzesaravich! Have you come to pay for your father's sins?"
my first thought was that Gristol hadn't expected to still be in Truman's body by the time he managed to find Maligula, and this was him trying to placate her and buy some time until he could explain the situation. but watching the cutscene back, that's clearly not what's happening here. Gristol is answering as himself, and his response of throwing himself to his knees before her is, as far as i can tell, genuine.
so what is going on here?
in Fatherland Follies, there's this line in the ride narration that stuck out to me:
"Why didn't the Gzar help Maligula in her time of need? No one knows, but historians agree - it is Gzar Theodore's biggest failure."
other lines mention Gzar Theodore's "mistake", and it's wording Gristol himself echoes in the screencap above. evidently, he believes that his father abandoned Maligula, leaving her to her fate at the hands of the Psychonauts, and it was that mistake that lead to them being driven out of the country - that mistake which he seeks to correct. maybe he even feels like he has a debt to repay to her for his family turning their backs on her all those years ago.
the 'High Priestess' thing, though - that's kinda weird, and threw me for a loop the first time i played the game. it took me until my second playthrough to connect the dots, and remember how the room in the Lady Luctopus - Gristol's room - was full of Delugionist scribblings and symbols.
[Screenshot source. ID: left, the walls of the hidden backroom in Gristol's hotel suite, covered in scrawlings of eyeballs and Maligula's name. Right, the pinboard from the hidden backroom. On its surface are photographs and newspaper clippings connected by pieces of string.]
i mean, look at this stuff! he had a whole conspiracy board and everything!
we learn very little about the Delugionists and their beliefs as a whole during the game, but i think drawing the connection here suggests two important things. one: that Gristol was in deep with this stuff. i don't know how he linked up with them - maybe via old family connections, or just good old-fashioned digging (we know he's skilled at worming his way into peoples' good graces, after all) - but it seems likely that he's begun to internalise their ideas, maybe even warping his own memories of events. and two: the Delugionists themselves are, if you'll pardon the pun, pretty far off the deep end.
like... i understand why PN2 didn't go heavy on the "mass-murderer cult worship" aspect of things, in the end, but man this is such a tantalising glimpse into the wider mythos around Maligula. Gristol is proud and haughty and thinks himself above everyone else; the fact that his first reaction seeing Maligula is to throw himself to the ground at her feet says so much about the way he's come to see her. he's not just trying to bring back Maligula, his childhood bodyguard. he's trying to bring back Maligula, the High Priestess of the deluge, the semi-mythical figure whose supporters believe even death couldn't stop. he doesn't even flinch at the way she confronts him, and maybe it's because he's bought in so completely to this deified figurehead, this idea of Maligula; more a living force of nature than a person. and it all comes back to the same place: an abdication of responsibility, not just to the person who protected him when he was little but to this avatar of floods and destruction. Maligula will make everything better.
i'd write more about my thoughts on the Delugionists but that'd be taking a hard turn into speculation, and this is already kind of long and rambling so i'd better end it here. but what an unexpected and evocative line, right? it's some of the only stuff we have to go off of regarding the Delugionists as a whole, but i think it does such a good job of hinting at the wider story - at teasing another layer to the mythos surrounding Maligula, one whose ripples we see throughout the game but which never quite breaches the surface.
#psychonauts#psychonauts 2#bored waiting at the airport so you get more psychonauts meta from me#the delugionists have been on my mind recently (because i Might Just have an upcoming au lorepost about them and also cults are fun)#so tossing my thoughts up here because people seemed to like the last few times i did this#and also it's my blog and i like to talk :)#related vent i HATE drafting posts in the tumblr editor because if you hit crtl+z to try and undo a formatting change#it deletes like half the post you just typed out#(yes i did it again while i was writing this. yes i'm still salty. why do i even bother)#what else... this is just becoming a disconnected thoughts dump#but if you've seen my posts you knew what you were signing up for when you hit the button to expand the post tags#there's new art coming hopefully this weekend if i can get it finished! it's more mermaid au designs#i'm two and a half weeks late for mermay but it turns out starting a new job and moving house doesn't leave you with a ton of free time#but that's okay it's never too late for mermaids#omg and artfight's coming up next month too! geez#i gotta make refsheets for the fsau trio because i would LOVE to get art of them#and this year i don't have a thesis to crunch on so i might actually have time to participate#oh and then in august i'm having top surgery! will make a proper announcement post for it at some point#i say 'announcement'. it's just a life update but it's nice to share#i'm super excited about it :)#i might end up blogging the process and recovery but obviously it won't be going here lol. i'd put it on my main#idk if anyone would find it useful but when i first started looking into surgery i had like very little idea about the whole process#and it's only through joining a bunch of online support/discussion groups that i managed to find more info and resources#so hey it might be useful to share? we'll see#our flight doesn't land for another fifty minutes so now i'm just writing in the tags because i'm bored#alright i'll proofread this and then post it when i land and have signal again. peace out yall hope your pride month is going well
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brief heads-up: it may be a hot minute before we get around to posting comics again. been dealing with a lot and it's to the point where trying to even begin to interpret what's going on in our life and system is a big struggle.
only reason i'm open to saying is this is i guess our whole blog thing, stuff isn't always clear, not everything's gonna be known or make sense all the time. and that's ok.
we're seeking therapy for osdd1-related things and may be taking time to figure it out. we will likely still answer asks as it's something we enjoy doing. but it may take a while depending on how we feel. thank you for understanding.
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I'm alive (light-heartedly). Thank y'all for being so patient with me. I have been having some trouble writing requests for a bit, and I've been a little worn out.
I'm going to just focus on the poll fic for this weekend and try to get other stuff done next month. It's been hard for me to actually get started, but I'm enjoying the process with this one, so hopefully you all will like the NSFW Beel x Diavolo x MC content I'll have for you, some time on the 31st (I hope).
#moss update#also if I can elaborate a little#warning: venting in the tags#but I did kinda pop off with it so maybe give it a read?#I feel a bit disconnected with my words as of late. I can write something but it's hard to tell if it sounds like my other writing#I feel like I've taken my usual voice picked it up and just sort of dropped it in an adjacent location#I can see how I would usually write but it's more like I'm trying to mimic the usual narrative path in real time instead of creating it#like tracing the veins of some familiar creature#and trying to follow the pulsing of blood so I can use its rhythm in my own Frankenstein-ian creature.#It's awkwardly intimate but my hands are doomed to the work of piecing something together.#I happily crazily do it#knowing that I crave it so intensely that it must be done at any means.#Even if it involves this self-conscience feeling of self-mimicry.#How else can I get back to my sense of voice if not to relearn it all over again?
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I’ve been having a really rough time mentally as of late, and I’ve just been stuck in a loop of pretty deep depression for a while. If it’s not too much trouble, could you guys leave some nice comments on this post? I just really need something to look at and smile, it’d mean the world to me because you guys are so awesome, and this is one of the few places that I feel like I can ask for that kind of validation.
Sorry if it’s stupid but I just really need something to look forward to right now, life’s been incredibly difficult :(
#Mod speaks#vent?? Kind of#More like life update and begging for nice words xD#It feels so stupid but like#I really do need it#So thank you guys <3
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at that point in the family vacation where i need a vacation from them
#im literally about to lose it i am so fucking SICK AND TIREDDDDDD#im sorry for not being able to update animalic more frequently yall#everytime i sit down to write something has to get in my way#༄dee rambles#vent#delete later
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🏴☠️
#just emailed my bosses to go F themselves letss gGGOOOOOO#not really but my sup. send a message this moring with italics and red font 🙄#vaguing about how my 'team' needs to be present for specific hours regardless of appts#🤔 but all the other campuses are free to leave when no appts 🤔#and i get no raise for this mandatory change becuz 'its in my contract'#uhhhh not the one i signed ho if the one you updated 10 times since then says that not my issue#i said 'k my new hours are 8-3 effective immediately 💘'#they took all day to send me the 'youre not allowed to work from home' email so lets see how long this response takes#my reply was fired off less than 15 mins later 🫡 test me#vent post#sfs
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Our power was turned off yesterday due to combination high winds and wildfire probability which was super triggering for me! It's still out and not sure when it will be back.
That being said. Thank goodness for libraries. Free place to hang out and charge my stuff!
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i know the jewish community talks a lot about how it’s hard to function in a culturally christian society but a lot of times i feel like goyim just don’t get it. it’s not just sending out emails she’s in advance that we’ll be out for a holiday or not going to events because they’re scheduled over holidays (even though those also happen and are awful). sometimes it’s just the constant being behind because my life as a religious jew is not compatible with a culturally christian society. i’m still trying to catch up from rosh hashanah and yom kippur in some ways because i was at shul hours every day all that weekend from 9 in the morning to 1 pm for the rosh hashanah. and yom kippur being on a monday meant i was off that day.
i’d love to observe shabbos more traditionally but that would mean neglecting my studies because the weekend is seen as time to work. same with going to morning and/or evening services daily. i’ve been thinking about going kosher but it’s so difficult. sometimes it feels like there’s no winning
update: there is actually some winning. this time it’s the osrjl yiddish class i got into. take that, assimilation!
#i think when i get my own place and am a bit more settled it’ll maybe be easier but for now im just. annoyed a bit#and when im at shul i want to be fully focused in which is hard since im always exhausted#this is more a vent post than anything but. yeah#part of it is also the lack of community sometimes. the Hillel here is lovely but it’s more reform which means it’s hard to find people who#are a little more traditional. and to be fair the reform services are lovely and i love everyone there it’s just a personal preference and i#sometimes feel a little put out because there’s no more traditional option#jumblr#for the update: I say the same thing in a rb of mine but i think more people will see it on the post
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I'm a totally normal elf don't worry let me in boy
#well the rings of ceremorphosis mod works#the one I wanted that is a little more customized visually hasn't been updated for full release :[#vena vents#screenshots#not art
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had 700 cycles on survivor in my original unmodded rain world save. i miss her
#fptext#got wiped by the downpour update..#i miss you Blanc :( (very specific white lizard that lived in five pebbles' leg)#i had several Favorite Creatures including a scav named sushi in garbage wastes#and two particular squidcadas that i migrated to outskirts cause i wanted to see if they would reproduce (they didnt :( )#i miss that instance of moon the most though. she was real to me#grabbed her neurons Once and immediately threw it when she screamed and spent HOURS bringing her tons more#also repeatedly popping my head into pebbles' can and slipping out before his instakill hit me#adn throwing random shit in#yoinking any of his pearls that drifted too close to the vent#i miss you rain world i msis you rain world
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My birthday was on the 18th and a few days before it my knee randomly dislocated as I was walking and I somehow fractured my foot in the fall
I,
I'm tired
#I'm not like horribly upset but UGHHHH#vent?#more of an update but want to tag incase no one wants that negativity on their dash#vent
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I geh fuckinnnnn YEAh I keep harping on this but like please please it's my blog I can tear it up on this harp of pettiness as much as I want.
The Fuckers that say my shit is Modern™ as an implicit diss because my writing does not support the prevalent sexism of the era that the story takes place in. Like you goddamn...
I just fucking paused my work to look up the term "Rubenesque" because I was worried it wasn't a word during the 19th century. It was, just wasn't used as much as now in the 21st century.
I know that's a whole different animal of "historical accuracy" but no, I will not write a period piece that actively or even passively supports shitty power structures no matter how "inaccurate" people think my deconstructions of sexism and gender are to the era. I will, however, obsess over the etymology and usage of certain words during the era.
#update#vent#can never win because people just perceive any discussion around women or more generally gender as political#-- and CLEARLY politics was invented like two years ago and totally wasn't a thing throughout human history --#so much so they lie to themselves and act as if gender isn't a consistent theme in the original novel that my work is based on#i will never write a 'feminist rewrite' the very term makes me gag#but i also won't write sexism in a story without challenging those ideas at least SLIGHTLY#if that comes across as too modern or woke for you well wwaahh you can get your earnest fix of misogyny from some other writer bb
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I was thinking about this the other day and wondering why it’s become so much less fun to write for BNHA and I think it’s because… I’ve written too much?
Like being a one-off author was fine and fun and novel and people were so cool and supportive, but now I’ve got multiple long fics and people have started treating me like someone that “creates content” rather than someone who is writing for fun. And I’ve shot myself in the foot by continuing to write long-fic and putting my heart and soul into them and it’s like never enough, people just expect more and more and more and I want to keep giving and keep doing better but no matter what I write it’s just not ENOUGH
And like… this started a little after I finished Zero Sum Game but like… people have started forming “opinions” that they share openly about “me” - I can’t stand going into fandom space and seeing people say they can’t read anything I write, or they don’t like me as an author, openly ranking my works, saying xyz is overrated or mention me by name in shipping discourse or send me hate mail or update requests or just straight up telling me they’re not going to read what I write anymore… and these people don’t know me!!! I’m just an empty space to them!!! Just a machine that pumps out thousands on thousands of words to just look at an forget about instantly!!!!!!!!
Where do people get off honestly. Is it like this everywhere or is it just BNHA? Is it because it’s so popular that the community has broken down completely? Sincerely what the fuck how can anyone treat writers like this…
#literally got a comment like yesterday saying ‘I’m so disappointed this hasn’t been updated in a year! I need it’#…fuck you actually?#I realize fics take 1-2 days to read#but all of this has taken hundreds of hours and YEARS to write#but sorry I don’t have the specific thing that you want to readily consume I guess#I am! not! a! content! creator!#nobody pays me! I get nothing out of this! why are people treating me like not a person!#and it’s just more and more frustrating seeing other writers mention stuff like this too#I realize I’m just venting now but whatever#like i feel like I built something over the past few years that I’m so proud of#but sometimes I want to burn it ALL to the ground#it’s not that deep#it’s just… I put too much of myself into this#which honestly is mostly my own fault#ANYWAY. that’s a big part as to why I’m jumping ship for now#I’d rather have fun and write whatever and have no one give a shit#than to give my heart and soul to a community that chews me up and spits me out#…. sorry I’m being so dramatic#the amazing wonderful kind people that have stayed around for these 3.5 years who still say kind words to me I love you so much#as always the negativity is the vast minority but that’s what hits the hardest I guess#I mean honestly I don’t care and will continue to write and do whatever I want#but wanted to reflect on my frustrations and make sense of it#.
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Hi! Long time no see! You might have been wondering where I’ve been and it’s admittedly a really long story so let me just summarize most of it a half joking half ventish comic.
Yeah…. You’d be surprised to know how much can happen in just 4 months.
#I don’t know what tag this as#Should I even add fandom tags?#Idk#Tw vent#ish…?#This is more or less an update on where I’ve been#I’m not dead don’t worry
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hey if we are mutuals/friends could you guys please tag real life videos and photos of dead babies/toddlers/kids/etc. "child death" and "irl death imagery" are the main ones i'm blocking. i promise this is not a white person avoiding the news thing & that i am very invested in keeping up with current events, just. without sudden dead baby jumpscares. thank u
#archival work is more vital now than ever however. your archival work is not impeded by me not looking at the dead babies#i have the conflict largely blacklisted specifically so i can click thru posts and have braced myself appropriately#but uh. clicking thru to read news/updates about the genocide is. not the same as being alright with. dead baby footage#this is the second time it's happened in a 24 hour period and for obvious reasons it has shortened my emotional capacity to engage further#with the news today. u know.#alternatively if you're not comfortable tagging dead bodies for archival and awareness purposes that's fine#but if we are friends could u PLEASE let me know so i can unfollow before i see. more of that. thank you#for clarity this is Only about images/videos of real dead bodies. untagged news venting resources etc are fine.#current events#genocide#palestine#death#irl death
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