my god. skinny people really just have like. No Idea huh just absolutely not a single clue lmao it's almost funny to watch fr but then id lie if i said i wouldn't fucking kill to be able to be that ignorant

BABE , i saw a hc ( i think it was urs) where the boys’s s/o was really fashionable, ( as somebody that’s gone viral on pinterest a little too many times ) I WAS WONDERING , what if you did a todobakudeku ( separately please omg) with somebody that’s like the emma chamberlain of fashion and they own everybody’s pinterest boards and stuff AHAHA IDK , the amount of times somebody has said ‘ wait ur that one pinterest girl right?? ‘ ANYWHAHEEIE I LOVE YOU N HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! 💗💗

pinterest famous s/o

character(s) : midoriya izuku, bakugou katsuki, todoroki shouto (bnha)

legend : [Y/N = your name] afab! reader, they/them pronouns (at the request of anon) strong quirk hinted; not specific

headcanon type : fluff, crack-ish (x reader)

note(s) : thank you anon!! so ok, i still used they/them pronouns even though the reader is afab (again at the request of anon) and whdjwkd sorry for the inactivity :,) also im gonna post more later so— sorry for the delay

»»————-　♡　————-««

midoriya izuku

when middle school midoriya finally got a phone, he downloaded pinterest for the sole purpose of looking at screencaps of heroes

but then, he hasn’t touched it a few months, because he’s been training with all might

then, when he finally had enough free time again— he decided to go on pinterest

but instead of finding any heroes he could look at, he found the prettiest human being he has ever seen in his entire life 💀

that person was a different type of beauty, y’know— they weren’t just fashionable, but their beauty was,,

timeless? that’s how he’d describe it. yeah. that person lived in his head rent free for a while

sadly, he feels like you’re that person he sees once in his life, and never again 😔　which isn’t the case

when he finally meets you, midoriya realizes that you look VERY familiar— someone on pinterest, that he unfortunately, didn’t know the name of

but then wait! he realizes that you’re that person. that one person that blew up on pinterest, and ended up in all of the fashion boards.

okay, you’ve been recognized a few times in the past, just because you were pinterest famous— but you didn’t expect him to recognize you

“wait,, you know me?” you asked him when you saw the realization sink in

and you were honestly,, flattered when he went on a tangent on how you were on all of the pinterest boards, and how your sense of fashion was timeless

but you know what’s the best thing of it all? when izuku developed a crush on you (and not because he thought you were just an attractive face)

it was very easy to find pictures of you online! he says it’s for research but,, he tends to look at them for a long time

probably has 3-4 pages dedicated to your hero costume— since fashion icon = fashionable, yet a very practical hero costume!

does he get jealous whenever people fawn over your looks, or whenever he sees comments in pinterest comment sections just asking for your socials in such desperation?

hmm,, yes? he does occasionally feel like someone like you, should be with someone as equally beautiful as you

he thought he was always plain looking, but you wholeheartedly disagree! in fact, you fell in love with his ability to pay attention to detail.

to the random creeps in the comments section, he just contacts the uploader and asks them to delete any malicious comments and it works 100% of them time.

on the brighter side, he helps a lot with taking your pictures (if you ask him to) and sometimes! he’ll even appear in them

izuku will always be your #1 fan!

bakugou katsuki

at first, you’d be like “katsuki owning pinterest? naaah.” but! i think he would

being an all might fan, he liked looking at all might screen caps— and while katsuki would be on the discreet side, he’d find himself looking at them whenever he has extra minutes to burn

not to mention, the cooking recipes on there aren’t the worst, so he doesn’t just use pinterest to look at screen caps of heroes doing their work

and, how could he forget that you’ve been bugging him to search for rare screen caps? he says that it’s useless— but he finds himself digging for you anyway,

which is whyyy

he finds an entirely different rabbit hole, and it’s way past 10pm, 3 more minutes wouldn’t wound him.

the blond doesn’t know how he even stumbled on.. this side of pinterest. the one that kind of hurts his eyes.

the more well known side of pinterest, that is covered in pictures of fashion boards, and the standard pretty person.

the ‘aesthetic’ side, kaminari calls it— it makes bakugou cringe, and he was just about to refresh his page

when he spots something familiar, it’s you‼️ well it wasn’t just you but, you were dressed in something,, nice.

like sure! you’re attractive. but that’s not why he’s dating you, there’s a lot of reasons as to why

but, he’s baffled. seeing you in a different light, and in such nice clothing, what more, when he sees that you’re actually everywhere. he hasn’t seen this much of you and your attractive ass before

katsuki told himself that he was going to sleep a few minutes ago, but now? he’s left admiring all of your pictures.

how did he not know that his s/o’s pinterest famous? you’re practically in every single board!

he confronts you the next day in an oddly weird manner, “you didn’t tell me you were famous on that stupid pinterest app.”

you’re sheepish, “welll, i didn’t know that you were going to stumble on that side of pinterest!”

he doesn’t say anything, and really! it looks like he doesn’t care about the newest discovery of his s/o

but he shows his feelings in his own way.

like, how katsuki insists that he finds a new outfit that you’d absolutely love— one that’ll fit with your aesthetic

and that he insists that he does your graphic liner, because you’re going to ‘poke your eyes out’

makes an entirely different account to reply to those simps and creeps in the comment section, sort of like

random pinterest user : “the things i’ll do to be crushed by them 💦”

pinterestuser461903 : “go touch some fucking grass.”

also would’ve commented “your art sucks” at the poorly done drawings of you in the comments, but knows you appreciated the art— so he doesn’t

(still thinks the fanart doesn’t do you enough justice)

he’ll be super proud when someone notices you in person like “yeah that’s fucking right, but too bad they’re super attractive and way out of your league.”

in short, it looks like katsuki doesn’t care at all about your pinterest famous life, but he’s your #1 supporter

todoroki shouto

i am certain for this one— he doesn’t have pinterest

well, he didn’t have pinterest, until midoriya convinced him to create an account, but it kinda just ended at that

but the person that actually made him use pinterest was sero, because he kept bugging him to give it a try

todoroki finds the app very practical— he can find screen caps of heroes in action, and he can also find oddly helpful tips in cooking (and in anything)

but sero was like “todoroki, what about the aesthetic value??” and todoroki didn’t really get that part to be honest 💀

todoroki, being clueless didn’t know what to search for— so sero being the wonderful friend he is, helped him search for it

and that’s when it happened. it didn’t take that long, but they eventually found an entire section just full of pictures of you; their classmate and crush

“is that Y/N?” mina notices what they’re looking at, and she observes the picture “oh wow— it is her! no wonder why she looked familiar.”

“it’s impressive! our classmate is pinterest famous!” they continue to look at every single post in each board, and todoroki’s left to observe in silence

he has definitely taken a liking to you, even if he didn’t realize it at first— he liked you because of your hard work when it came to training, personality and patience, not because of your looks

obviously, todoroki thinks that you look good in anything, trashbag style or not. but seeing you in this light was interesting.

so after training, todoroki would spent a good portion of his time scavenging for more pictures— not because he was obsessed or anything

but because,, he really liked your pictures. maybe it was because without you in those pictures, it would feel incomplete

he didn’t know how to approach you after this discovery, which is why he’s glad that you approached him first

“todoroki! what are you looking at?” you took a peak at his screen, and you’re baffled to see yourself, and that very famous picture of you

he’s quiet for a second when he realizes that you’ve caught him staring at your pictures, but he explains calmly, “sero accidentally discovered your pictures,, and i just wanted to take a peak at them, if it was okay,,”

and he’s relieved— well, you’re also relieved. you didn’t know how your crush would react if he ever saw those pictures, but your heart skipped a beat knowing that he enjoyed looking at them

“it’s alright todoroki,” you smile, honestly over the moon as you spoke “i’m really glad that you like them.”

sometimes you’d get shy whenever he’d go on pinterest just to look at your pictures, “todoroki, not that one! that one was really old,,” is what you’d say whenever he’d look at your older photos but he’d still look at them anyway 💀

at first, todoroki helped you in his own subtle way. since he’s quite the fashion icon— he’d recommend you clothes to wear for future pictures

he eventually confessed— and it was because you were talking to him while he was really tired, and he blurted out that he really, really liked you and you almost passed away because of his words

so yeah— it was a case of secretly admiring their beautiful best friend to lovers scenario

he’d go the full mile when it came to taking your pictures. he’d check the weather forecast just in case if it was going to rain for that date, and impromptu picnic photoshoot

that boyfriend that has pictures of you in his photo gallery, and has a backstory for each photo if anyone were to ask

also that boyfriend that knows how to take pictures, will probably even lay down to take them, even if you didn’t kindly ask him to

when you asked him to join the picture, he didn’t really know how to— but he made it work! and the both of you guys went viral

but this isn’t all one sided, no— whenever you guys would cuddle, shouto would simply stare at you with HEARTS in his eyes,

and even before he leans in for a kiss, he’ll stare at you with so much love in his eyes, while he traces his thumb across your cheekbones. man’s in love— you’re gorgeous.

he knows that you know that he’s not with you because of any ulterior motive, you both have mutual trust in each other— so it’s not something you guys will bother on questioning because you’re both hot asf lets be real

he’s not uncomfortable whenever people gawk at you in public— i mean, you two get stares on the regular. and how could they not stare at you? you’re very attractive, and he’s glad that people recognize that

but he’ll get protective if they’ll try to be a threat to your loving relationship with him, he won’t be afraid to be blunt

regarding the comments on each pinterest post— he hates it when people say things out of the line

always tries to hide them from you so you don’t feel bothered by them, but if you knew about them— he’ll be sad :,(

but he’ll end up mass reporting those nasty comments— and they always get taken down, because of the shouto todoroki luck

in short? man’s whipped, and the both of you guys are SO attractive together— what more if people knew about the om chemistry?

really— you being pinterest famous was just a nice plus, he fell in love with you for you

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

mobile rules & information

Since people don’t read rules all the way through i would like to preface this by saying: TRIGGERING MATERIAL WILL BE WRITTEN HERE. THIS INCLUDES BUT IS NOT LIMITED TO: INCEST, DUBCON, SUICIDAL IDEALATIONS, CHEATING, AND ANYTHING ELSE I WANT TO WRITE. BY CLICKING FOLLOW, YOU AGREE TO BLACKLIST THE TAGS PROVIDED IN THE FORM OF (trigger here) tw. DO NOT FOLLOW ME IF YOU THINK FICTION EQUALS REALITY OR IN ANYWAY HAS ANY REFLECTION ON A MUN’S MORAL STANDING. 

HATE WILL NOT BE TOLERATED AND ANY ANON’S I GET ABOUT THIS THAT IS HATE WILL BE BLOCKED/NOT AT ALL ACKNOWLEDGED.

THANK YOU.

about: this is an indie mutuals only rp blog for a multimuse with various fandoms from tv shows, movies, anime, and video games. mun is 25+, genderfluid lesbian, goes by he/him pronouns (but i am genderfluid so i don’t mind she/her pronouns, most just call me he/him) online and name Jay. Previously known as Ares and Snow.

Callout culture: Do not involve me in this. Period. I want no part of it and will block as soon as I see it, tagged or not. I believe it does more harm than good and something like tha is extremely harmful..

content: there will be some pretty heavy material featured here. such as suicidal thoughts, mentions of rape, incest, and anything else I want to write. I will not tolerate hate being sent to me about this and I will block anyone who tries to police me. The only hard limit i have and absolutely refuse to write is pedophilia.

Don’t ever be afraid to ask me to tag something!

side note: if you believe fiction equals reality, please don’t follow me.

discord: is open to those who follow me. simply ask for it. i do not write on discord though. ooc contact is highly encouraged!

disclaimer: i'm in no way affiliated with any of the actors, fandoms, or characters on this blog.  Banners, promos, and icons belong to me. Theme was made by inkfated.  all screencaps used to turn into icons on this blog are not mine and belong to their rightful owners. Lara Croft screencaps come from soulcluster. tsunade icons belong to hellspath. rectangle tsunade icons belong to me. Some psds are not mine. Credit to iconholic for Red Velvet psd. Credit to plutocommissions for psd 183 - wild. some psds used are made by rivercraze

Drama: There won’t be any. I’m too old for tumblr’s drama, if you try to start something, make me choose, or drag me into drama - you will be blocked.

DNI’s will get you blocked. I don’t agree with making people choose between people when there are things like blacklist and tumblr’s own filtering system to help you avoid a person

Hate: Character hate, show hate, etc will get you unfollowed. I don’t have time for that negativity, pls tag it so I can filter it out, thank you.

IMs: pls refrain from sending me multiple messages all at once as I’m autistic and it sends me into sensory overloads!!

follow/unfollowing: i usually follow back pretty quick. if i don't follow within a week, i'm probably not going to follow back. 9/10 i do follow back. i will not follow if i see vaguing, callouts, or any sort of drama on blogs. i also will not follow any under the age of 18.

if i’ve been following you for a month and you don’t interact with me within that time limit, I’m unfollowing. I won’t soft block because I’m totally okay with people still following me but I don’t see the point in following if we’re not gonna write.

If I do not follow you back, do not message me asking to write or become mutuals - you will be blocked.

If I block you, do not come to me asking why. It will only get you blocked all over again. Do not ask why i’ve unfollowed you, either.

DO NOT FOLLOW ME IF YOU’RE A MINOR.

side note: if you’re the type to blindly believe a callout because that’s what everyone else is doing  save yourself the trouble and don’t follow me.

Memes: Send as many as you want for as many muses as you want just be sure to specify muse or they’ll get deleted! Always feel free to turn meme answers into threads, too.

Do not use me as a meme resource. Send something in or reblog from the source, please.

note:  if you send memes multiple times and there’s clearly a way to continue them, ESPECIALLY if we’ve never interacted before, and you keep sending memes but have NO INTENTIONS on replying to them, I will be less likely to respond to them. memes, in my eyes, are used as alternatives to starters. if you don’t respond to them after i’ve responded to quite a few, that’s me putting work into it for no reason really, so yeah.

My triggers: Sharks. That’s it. Just tag pictures of sharks for me please

nsfw: smut will be present here. i can not play the dominant party in smut, please don't ask me too. if you don't feel comfortable with it, we can fade to black, easy peasy. i won't make myself uncomfortable for some smut. All muses involved in smut or ships are 18+. If you think that aging them up is pedophila, do me a favor and get off my blog. Smut may happen with aged up characters but that does not mean it was done specifically for smut. Do not assume.

OCS: I love them. Send them my way, please!

OOC:  I post ooc, sometimes quite a bit, sometimes rarely. I am human and I will act as such. I will not tag ooc posts mostly bc i’ll forget. Sorry if that bugs people but like i said, I’m human and I like to write things down and share things with the dash.

OOC note: please do not flirt with me or ask me to date you, thank you!

Shipping: all muses are LGBT+ in some shape or form so if you want to ship, just let me know. They’re pretty open to anyone, though gay and lesbian muses will stay gay and lesbian. I ship toxic pairings and incest so if that’s your cup of tea, just lemme know, and we can work something out if not? That’s alright too!!

As previously stated, all ships and smut scenes are involved with characters 18+. I will never under any circumstance write something with underage characters. Characters, however, can be aged up but are never simply just for the sake of smut. Smut may happen with aged up characters but that does not mean it was done specifically for smut. Do not assume.

wait time: sometimes i can take months, sometimes seconds, sometimes days. I’m not a fast rper, please respect this.

writing: i generally prefer writing multi-para or novella. one-liners or one-paragraphs usually end up getting dropped or made into much longer threads as i have absolutely no chill. 

edit: from now on any drafts that are below three paras will be deleted, i don’t have muse for short things.

End note: Do me a favor and like this post if you’ve read my rules. Not needed but deeply appreciated. Also below you’ll find important links:

MUSES & NAVIGATION & MUSE INTEREST CHECKER & SHIP INTEREST CHECKER & COMMISSIONS INFORMATION & MOBILE MUSE LIST & THREAD TRACKER

Markiplier manor is toxic here’s why

So Markiplier manor (Markipliers official discord server) has gotten a surplus of new people in it, this happened a few weeks ago the manor itself though has been up for awhile. originally a members only server it was eventually opened up for everyone and yes there are alot of genuinely good people and the mods are alright but unfortunately its becoming a toxic environment. 

SO EDIT i have discussed with the mods that being said ... im keeping this up as a reminder of we can do better we can help people who are struggling through something instead of shutting them down we can listen to people who are being oppressed and bravely point out new media that only worsens that oppression and stigmatization and not just the mods who i was kind of harsh towards but who are human everyone as a community can do better and this is a large community think of the work we can do just doing the basics like boycotting problematic content and helping those who cry out for it who need it (and noticing and shutting down manipulative/toxic behaviors) ... i dont know if im going to go back to the manor yet tho im going to let this sit give it a week yall can agree or disagree but know that if you try to be an ass your going to get shut down and your feelings are going to get hurt 

lets start with the basics “triggering topics” triggering topics can be anything in particular but it generally means a topic that relates to another persons trauma. Now while it is important to acknowledge a persons trigger words and try to keep the conversation respectable ive also noticed people use it to shut down people who come on freaking out because their dealing with a stressful situation/something traumatic just happened. This has happened to me personally and to a friend with me it was about being pro choice and having to in short make that actual choice. i was discussing this in the bathroom because i (like anyone else who comes in with baggage) did not know about any pro choice discords at that moment and was afraid of being stigmatized or going onto a discord that says its a safe space only for it to be filled with trolls. Mark manor is labeled as a safe space and many people come on there looking for support with me no one told me that the topic was triggering to them (which apparently it was because a friend of theirs had to make the choice not her herself think what you will) they just went to a mod early on when i just found the server as a member a friend (who i wont name) had gotten.... assaulted majority of her werent online and as someone who has been there and yes when she told me it did trigger my own trauma she needed moral support... the mod shut her down and deleted her comments and didnt give her a pointer to any other discord where she could discuss the topic openly and get moral support and be pointed to resources (it actually took me ten minutes to find and confirm a lgbtq therapy chat earlier this year for another individual discussing mental health) this was before i had gotten on for that day but i noticed those messages and i contacted her when she told me what was up yea it triggered my memories and its not fun but I FUCKING HELPED HER i made sure she went to the police to atleast file a statement (while the police dont always help it is good to have it on file) i even made her a plush and shipped it out to her and i would do it again and again because its not good to basically tell another person to shut up because it triggers others not without atleast trying to help them find another fucking place and making sure their actually ok and in a physical safe place  next is them claiming the manor is a “safe space” a safe space is by definition  “ a place or environment in which a person or category of people can feel confident that they will not be exposed to discrimination, criticism, harassment, or any other emotional or physical harm.” you would also think that the manor would be a safe space in the fact that marginalized and oppressed groups of people would be able to point out problematic content and have an open and free discussion about it and how it makes them uncomfortable. especially people of lgbtq community which alot of people in that chat are. yesterday (and this was what caused me to officially turn away from the server) in the patio (which is the members only chat) a Transgender individual pointed out the problematic content that is huniepop and how it fetishizes trans people as well as other minorities now this game i hear tries to make itself out as a “parody” .... its not its a sexual dating sim what would make it a parody is if sex noises were replaced with donkey sounds and the lewd pictures were replaced with poorly drawn doodles of tits or what have you its a game for incels marks hilarious when he plays it because he doesnt take the game seriously my issue isnt with him its with the developer. and if you did not know (which apparently people dont) the character poli is described as “a girl with a dick” the individual pointed this out because they felt like it dehumanizes them and paints them as nothing more than a fetish... and also apparently you can “choose” is poli is trans which kind of gives off the message that people can ignore trans peoples identity if it makes them uncomfortable... or if they dont sexualize them. and the muslim community is more or less in the same boat i come from the bible belt in usa im not muslim i am not trans but i do have a reason for standing with both and i will get to that in a bit so i was raised in a christian household in a christian setting like muslim women were basically told we cannot have sex and any sexual thought is sinful and we will be punished blah blah blah your even more closeted if your gay or bi because then you can face ... violence that being said to make the woman from the middle east hyper sexual like they did is kind of shitty even for a incel pleasing sex game. the individual who thought it would be ok to discuss this in the server because its labeled as a safe space and is generally “lgbtq” friendly thus believing he would have people agree and discuss ... was unceremoniously shut down by their peers and a mod was notified this person was not hostile maybe a bit frustrated because he wanted to talk about it and thought he would have this genuinely helpful conversation and people would listen and spread the word because to have problematic content be popular can isolate the oppressed group even more so WHEN NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO THEM. if a group of marginalized people notice something problematic with content and you claim to be an ally of said group then you need to acknowledge and support what they say. they told him to go to twitter where he could potentially be bullied and written off ... because again its an INCEL PLEASING SEX GAME.(which means incels if you ever dealt with them will go and say anything to justify the game even using slurs and bullying) and to put the icing on the cake to change the topic they brought up robin ... i actually dont know who robin is as i dont really focus much on youtube creators personal stuff (it feels off for me to not personally know an individual but know their personal stuff without having actually talking to them its weird i know its a thing i have in my head) but apparently they recently came out as female and good for them im super proud of him and the patio members were discussing how they were proud of him as well for beginning to wear makeup and making themselves more feminine which would be great if they werent trying so hard to shut down the trans male who was trying to spread awareness on problematic stuff .... something he pointed out ... and something they gaslighted and said he was being hostile. really its almost as if they only care about trans issues when its someone famous discussing them  so what can we possibly do about huniepop being transphobic and the answer is very easy BOYCOTT IT like... yall were up in arms and boycotted jk rowling with snap and a turn do we only cancel the old and ugly? do we only cancel those who we dont think is funny? mark is not at fault he probably doesnt realize it and any comments made on the issue are talked down upon or drowned amongst other comments im not saying to cancel him im saying to cancel the game HARD. ignore the posts bitch at the dev demand refunds for your game. like consumers have infinitely more power than corps want to admit.  so you basically have a community that claims to be a safe space but only if you want to talk about sunshine and rainbows and its highly hypocritical of them to claim safety.  another thing is emotionally abusive/manipulative people hide in the server and the mods dont ever seem to acknowledge it. i cannot tell you how many times ive gotten into arguments with people who seems nice then turn into assholes then claim to be the victim when i or others go off on them. if you recognize my name you know i dont stand down when it comes to having a snarky or rude comment thrown at me if your going to be an ass were fighting i dont care how nice you seemed beforehand and you dont get to call a mod just because i actually stood up for myself or others sorry not sorry dont be a bitch nuff said.  now why would i care so much about problematic content? why would i care and stand by the transgender and muslim people (aside from being ya know... an actual ally and not someone who claims it for sympathy and brownie points?) its because i am autistic i am also able to function well on my own but there is a movie created by the famous singer sia it is called music it is a movie frowned upon by the autisitic community because infantizes and dehumanizes non verbal autistic people i am fortunate and unfortunate in not having to deal with much stigma unfortunate because i wasnt diagnosed until i was 17 alot of answers about my behavior could have been answered if i had been diagnosed earlier but considering society loves the quiet timid female and i functioned “well” for neurotypicals i was ignored. so yea you bet your ass im standing with them and raising awareness about huniepop and their was this one person when i mentioned this point i cant remember there name nor to do i give a shit about them because when i mentioned how autistic people ... how i was in the same boat with music by sia (again i advise that no one target the actress who was under contract target sia and please boycott her so she knows she cant get brownie points or money for a movie that stigmatizes who she claims she wants to “help” (*cough* profit off of *cough cough*) and only serves as a feel good movie for neurotypicals and ignorant people)  they said “i heard people who hated the movie i heard people who found it alright people are ALLOWED to like problematic content” ... and like ... does anyone else see the problem here? its not hard at all to boycott celebrities for making content  and im going to repeat this point  IF A GROUP OF MARGINALIZED, STIGMITIZED AND OPPRESSED PEOPLE CALL OUT SOMETHING FOR BEING PROBLEMATIC AND YOU CLAIM TO BE AN ALLY YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO THEM AND DONT SHUT THEM DOWN I DONT GIVE A SHIT YOU DONT HAVE A FUCKING EXCUSE. if you cant bring yourself to boycott a piece of media and replace it with the infinitely more suitable forms that supports the group you claim to be for your not an ally your a fucking hypocrite  and that is why i left markiplier manor i am still a youtube special ... thingy member and i will continue to be a member to support mark i want people to overall listen to those who speak up against a creator and a piece of media and listen to us all no matter how “good” something seems. .. also there is a video called listen it was created by nonverbal autistic people  and communicationFIRST a group that sia apparently communicated with for her movie... and then ignored  https://youtu.be/H7dca7U7GI8

Part two of the problems in HSMTMTS:

In my last post I stated the situations within the fandom not regarding the s*xual assault allegations or the BLM movement. In this post I will be. Let’s dig in.

Sidenote: when I say that someone hasn’t posting anything at all on their Instagram about the BLM movement, I just mean that they haven’t posted anything on their feed. They could’ve posted a bunch of stuff on their insta-stories, but those go away after 24 hours, and it doesn’t count for me.

Joshua, Olivia, and Frankie, were VERY late when it came to talking about the BLM movement. They didn’t say anything until people called them out for not saying anything, and at that point it seemed like they only posted about that stuff because of peer pressure or bandwagoning activism. Olivia is doing her part now, Joshua posted a thread on Twitter a week after eveything had happened. He also said that he donated money. He posted a petition and a photo on Instagram, but that’s it. He hasn’t said anything else about the BLM movement since May when people acttacked him for it. When people dmed his manager on why he hasn’t been speaking up about the matter, she would block them. Here’s what he said on Twitter:

Frankie said something and is mostly doing his part on Twitter, but on Instagram he hasn’t said anything. Joe was hated on for posting the black square and then deleting it because it didn’t follow his aesthetic on Instagram. Although, he is doing his part on Twitter.

Dara, and Julia both unfollowed Joshua on Twitter, as well as unfollowing him on tik tok alongside Sofia too. Don’t know if it had to do with the BLM movement or not, but there is obviously some turmoil between the cast members. (Oh the things I would do to see their group chat rn) Everyone else has been spot on about the BLM movement, and has definitely been doing their part.

Onto the s*exal assault allegations:

Joshua has currently two s*xual assault allegations against him, but the third one came out to be false. Long story short, a young lady on a Twitter named Gr*ce accused him of s*xually assaulting her, but then it came out that she was lying about the whole thing for some “social experiment” She was cancelled VERY quickly. Here are a few twitter threads you can view to learn more about the false accusation:

This is what Gr*ce accuses him of:

This is what what the user shows to say that the accusations are fake:

Tumblr only allows me to post 10 pictures so I’m showing the two screenshots out of them all what I feel is most important. If you want to read more about it, then you can head to Twitter and search up, “Joshua Bassett Grace” and it’ll be the one of the first things to pop up.

This is what he had to say on the situation:

“it has come to my attention that a now deactivated account has spread rumors about me regarding a fabricated encounter with a fan accusing me of sexual assault. this abhorrent rumor is absolutely false, and dangerous to actual victims with real stories. (1/2)”

““i’m sick to my stomach that someone would recklessly perpetuate such defamatory claims. it is vital to respect all peoples boundaries at all times. be kind and be good. (2/2)”

It’s people like her that make others afraid to come out with their allegations because people are just going to assume it’s false. She is a sorry excuse for a human being. Yes, he spoke about the first allegation against him, but he still hasn’t addressed the others ones. This is another one that had come out about him:

It’s not s*xual assault, nor is it s*xual misconduct, really just him being a shitty human being. This one has little to no proof, and it’s hard on what to believe. Personally for me, definitely could be true, but that doesn’t mean he’s an abuser, just more of a guy you shouldn’t try anything with.

The third allegation against him is so hard to comprehend and understand, and I’ve literally searched all over twitter to find it, but I can’t seem to find anything about it. The bare minimum that I know of is that he was messing around with underage girls, but that is just what I could find out of the mess that is Twitter. Still, there is no actual proof that he has been, so believe what you will. Most people have come to Joshua’s defense due to the sporadic accusations against big male celebrities like Ansel Elgort, Justin Bieber, Cole Sprouse, etc. It seems to be a trend now to accuse male celebrities of sexual assault to possibly gain money and internet fame. This is disgusting, and I hope that the other girls that are accusing Joshua are being truthful.

Julia and Joe both liked Joshua’s sexual assault post, but then immediately took their likes back. Julia got on something called Cameo in which you get paid to speak about certain things. Someone asked her her opinion about Joshua’s allegations and she defended him.

Personally for me, she does know Joshua better than the fandom, so Im not surprised at anything she said. She wasn’t going to go on and say bad things about her co star. Although, I don’t think it was smart for her to speak up about it, and then try to beat around the bush. This is also a note to ALWAYS believe the accuser and never the abuser. Just because you stan Joshua does not mean he’s a good person. He’s going to show us what he wants us to see..obviously. stop saying, “he would never do that” because that’s what 12 year olds say. We have no idea the type of person that Joshua is behind closed doors and off camera. This goes for every celebrity ever. Please be smart and know which side to stand for. If the allegations against him turn out to be false, then I’ll switch sides.

Tim Federle was accused of s*xual misconduct a few years ago, but it has finally come to light. Tim hasn’t come out to say anything about it, but it’s DISGUSTING and he needs to address it:

Here a website that you can visit to read more about it:

Once again I’m going to believe the accuser rather than the Abuser. Don’t forget that this allegation against him happened quite a while ago. But because Disney is such a powerful network, any and all information about him during that time has been deleted. Buzzfeed did an article about it, but it was deleted. There is currently a petition going around for Tim Federle to be fire as show runner of HSMTMTS. It needs 1,500 signatures and it’s so close to its goal. Go to change.org and learn more about the petition there. Again, believe what you will, but Tim went very quiet after his accusation came out.

Alright there. I have laid out eveything that I know of that has happened in the HSM fandom. If you still choose to stick with this fandom, than that is completely up to you. I know Tumblr is the safe place for all fandoms, but it’s important that all of you know who and what you’re supporting. This is in no way showing you why you should or shouldn’t leave the fandom. That is completely up to you. Do what you will with this information. I have chosen to overall just completely forget about my involvement with this group and move forward.

Remember:

Know who to stand for

I’m now done with this fandom. If there are still any questions, than my dm is always open.

@adampage tumblr did a dumbass thing and messed up the read-more to where I couldn’t put it under one so I had to delete your ask and I’m making a separate post for this disaster of a ramble hoooo boy i hope you’re ready for what you’ve unleashed

adampage  asked: ma’am I know you’re high off your rocker but if you have time would you please critique hangman’s playlist for me bc I want to know your thoughts 🥰 anyway yeehaw

OH MY GOD yes???? yes I fucking WILL?????? let’s just pump the breaks on what i was doing right the fuck now, get his playlist in front of me (even though ive been listening to it nonstop and have so many things to ALREADY SAY) and talk about this shit. im sorry if this isn’t coherent im pry just gonna ramble. (edit to add now that I’m done: ITS FREAKING 3252 WORDS LONG LMAO OH MY GOD)

first and foremost. I Love It. let’s just slap that down. get that out of the way. ITS SO GOOD. SO FUCKING GOOD. also this is going under a readmore cause YEAH. it’s THAT LONG.

let’s start first with mr. adam ‘i taught graphic design when i was 20 and learned adobe illustrator and photoshop to design my own tshirts when i was an indie wrestler’ page’s cover image. wait. no. back up - look at the profile image he chose for his profile. it’s not a selfie. it’s not a picture he snapped with his camera. it’s a screenshot of the “has been drinking” moment on aew dynamite. what a lovable FOOL. he really saved that and put that as his profile pic im skjdfkjfd okay now swing back to the anxious millenial design with the signed hangman adam page for the cover. he designed that. I swear he did. I swear he did that. I could be wrong but I just feel it in my bones. that was him. also, THAT should have been the vintage shirt. cowboy shit is cute but ANXIOUS MILLENNIAL COWBOY? I NEED THAT AS THE SHIRT!

okay now let’s get into the songs. wait. before i go through it I do want to say something about the playlist overall.

I can’t decide if this is because he shares so many similarities to the character hangman adam page, but so many of these songs apply to his character like, this fucking playlist plays like a hangman adam page THE CHARACTER playlist. like this is the playlist i’d find on 8tracks back when that was the “thing” in fandom where every song makes me go “OMG THAT IS THAT CHARACTER” like. I don’t know if he did that purposefully as an extension of the character? or if it just happens to line up because of how similar he is and his story is to his character but SOME of these songs wooooo boy they get deep dont they? when you compare them to the character?

okay. songs.

so I know some of these, especially the classics, summertime of course, but for the ones I didn’t know I love them so much. they have such a vibe that just fits him, and they’re all so good???

rather low by nick shoulders is one I didn’t know and I fucking LOVE it. and look. it goes from Long Time Gone by the Dixie Chicks. Long Time Gone about being away from the country life, from home and if my THEORY is right about this playlist hitting the character, hangman is struggling with being lost, without a family. it goes from that to rather low, which talks about not being welcome at home. like “I told you once I told you twice, I’m steeped in verse and cursed in vice” ajdskjds GOOD lyrics. beat slaps. song slaps. I love it.

okay so we go roll on mississippi which is soft compared to the two upbeat songs that just hit us before. calms you down after that high energy beat rather low had. lets you breathe. AND it’s got a sad, soft, longing pull to it, falling in with more of those “lost” from home themes. “You're the childhood dream that I grew up on. Roll on Mississippi, carry me home. Now I can see I've been away too long.” UGH! and also, it’s just a good fucking song.

then we go to a song i haven’t heard and love, going places by aubrie sellers. it’s a little bit funkier, but still soft. also groovy as FUCK. and it obv talks about GOING places. so maybe the first three songs were about the home he’s left behind, but now it’s about where he’s going. and man this song just SLAPS.

A CLASSIC is next, 1970 something illegal smile by john prine. it has that classic soft croon, such a good country sound and it’s a little bit playful. it makes you wanna smile and sway back and forth. it’s a good song. fun. but it’s almost a little bit. dark? “ Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone. No, I'm just tryin' to have me some fun. Well, I sat down in my closet with all my overalls, tryin' to get away from all the ears inside my walls. I dreamed the police heard everything I thought, what then?” it just makes me think of when his character “killed” joey ryan. I could be looking too far into it but, that’s what popped into my head.

OKAY NOW this next one. fuck yeah I DIG this song. I hadn’t heard this song and it quickly went into my liked songs. and if we’re following his character, the lyrics hit HARD. “ I've lost the will to try this worthless lullaby. Its melody won't fly me past oblivion. I bet it would be nice to find that paradise, a world of sparkling light beyond the setting sun. But I don't dream anymore” ugh !!!!!!! UGGGHH!! SO GOOD?? and even the slight upbeat to it. “would if I could but I don’t dream anymore” uuuuggghhh SO GOOD. love this song. one of my faves of the whole list for sure.

the next two back-to-back are CLASSICS and fit the hangman adam page character so damn perfect. i’ve even looked at lyrics from merle haggard’s i don’t want to sober up to night for adam in the past akjfdkjdsf it’s fucking perfect. and then followed by dwight yoakam’s honky tonk man?! amazing. we go from from fucking heart-wrenching lyrics if you think about them for him: “ I don't want to sober up tonight. I don't want to act like things are alright, and I don't want to change just to make you think I'm happy. That's my right, I don't want to sober up tonight. I want to keep my mind a little hazy. I don't care if all my friends think I'm crazy. The way I treat myself I might be a little crazy But that's alright, I don't want to sober up tonight. I'm here to drown another day of misery. I'm in here to spend one night without a mem'ry and the way I'm drinking now there won't be any memory. But it's alright, I don't want to sober up tonight” to HONKY TONK MAN. HONKY. TONK. MAN. “ Well I'm a honky tonk man and I can't seem to stop. I love to give the girls a whirl to the music of an old jukebox, but when my money's all gone, I'm on the telephone singing, hey hey mama can your daddy come home?” ajhsdjksdjkf like. look. partying hangman, drunk, swinging a girl around in the country bar???? cause he refused to sober up and just wanted to have fun? anyways regardless if there’s a connection or if im reaching, these are some good classics to pull out right here. honky tonk man will ALWAYS bring the party back up.

another song I didn’t know but now love? happy reunion by colter wall? this is a good freaking cowboy song??? and it’s a cute story???? about what a cowboy does during his day??? what the fuck? riding along the range with his dog, helping the cow, getting the calf back that’d gotten lost???? CUTE? anyways this is a vibin as HELL song and if it’d come out when I was still raising cows my ass woulda been blasting this shit as I drove to feed the herd for SURE. this song is a whole ass vibe and I’m digging it.

okay. walk through fire by yola? another i didn’t know (which - so far it seems all the songs that arent classics - spare dixie chicks - are from 2019) and I am obsessed with???? it’s so good? and fuck just such a good love song??? “Standing on the side of the river. Staring across the great divide. I'd give all my gold and silver just to get to the other side. Your love is like a rescue vessel, carries me through the night through these flames of destruction. I know you're gonna make it right. I know, I know you're gonna save my life.“ LIKE? HENLO????????? FUCK!!!! THATS SO GOOD. that whole song I could post all the lyrics tbh. and the way she CROONS it ugh. yeah. I love that song.

FUCKIN YES. DOLLY FUCKIN PARTON. youre not gonna make a country playlist and not include a dolly parton song boy i KNOW IT. and the song choice??? hm? remind you of a CERTAIN COWBOYS STRUGGLE WITH NOT HAVING A HOME???? “What difference does it make which way I go, got an empty feelin' down inside. Still I need to stay alive and who can tell what waits beyond this road. I'm a drifter” ajdfshjsd god I love dolly. and of COURSE he does too. i’m so pleased by this choice I can’t stop smiling. ugh. love this. love dolly.

sandpaper oneside, rubber other by the bobby tenderloin universe what do you know? another 2019 song I didn’t know and yet absolutely LOVE. I also am loving how he does a mix of classics with newer (but still almost classic-country sounding, maybe like. classic meets modern) country music in this playlist. AND WHAT A SONG. it’s so good? and again, just makes me think of the character. “there are two minds inside me. that’s one life too many. but i keep moving slow on both sides, strong as I can be.” tell me that doesnt make you think of hangman adam page. and it has such a... sad vibe. “i cant believe the things i am. as much a lion as a lamb” !!!!!!!!!!! ugh such a GOOD LINE. THAT SLAPS. LOVE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ugh this song. especially the back vocals of the woman that comes in later on? it’s like. ethereal. beautiful. fucking beautiful and almost haunting. paired with the sad lyrics? UGH. gorgeous.

long white line by sturgill simpson i do know and LOVE and it’s got a fun, uplifting cowboy beat following the more slow, sad croon of the last song. it’s SO COUNTRY. the way it’s sung? SO COUNTRY. and also ajdfskjsd adam. “I woke up my baby was gone without her I don't need no home” and “Gonna' push this rig 'til I push that girl out of my mind. If somebody wants to know what's become of this so and so tell em' I'm somewhere looking for the end of that long white line” kjdjkfdkjf this is just such a country song, and it fits SO well, especially after that previous pick.

now we go from two new songs to another classic. another (i think) 1970s country hit. lonesome, on’ry and mean is SUCH a classic country song. it has that good old sound, and the story it tells too. and just, I can’t stop thinking about hangman just “ Been driving these highways, been doing things my way. It's been making me lonesome on'ry and mean.” ajdskjflkf it’s fair to say that character IS lonesome, on’ry and mean right now. anyways, fun country song regardless and I DIG the addition.

okay back to a newer song and holy shit. this is my personal favorite of the new songs he introduced me to. this song I LOVE this song. fuuun FUN beat, makes me want to fucking GROOVE. I love love love this, and I love the way the singer sings? it just makes me wanna UGH. just wanna sway to it. the whine in the croon I just love. and the BEAT. the beat is so fucking good. and the lyrics? “I'm that wholesome Midwestern boy that you want to bring home to your mama. Even though I bring you joy, baby I'm not the toy you wanna play with at night. Too many things I've seen. Too many people and places I've been. I'm thinking about doing those things I shouldn't be doing. Something I've never done before. I want something to fuck me up. Need somebody to fuck me up. Everyone feels like it. Fuck me up, fuck me up, fuck me up” ajdsjkds I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH “Well I might go and get drunk and stoned 'cause it's better than being only crazy. If I ever come back, wherever I end up at is where I was supposed to be.” it’s so perfect for his character it drives me crazy. this is a song I’d listen to and first, groove to, and then be like THIS SONG IS HANGMAN. love this song. absolutely a favorite.

the next song though. the next song. fucking hangman adam page and his love of biscuits. southern biscuits by seasick steve oh. my. god. this BOY. THIS COUNTRY BOY. THIS BISCUIT LOVIN COUNTRY BOY. this is such a damn good addition. not only is it so fucking country, almost. spoken/sung? the soft hum with the fucking banjo??? and of COURSE of course he knows and loves this song I can’t with him. and it hits you with the: “ Southern biscuits, nothin' better in the world 'less they're made for you, by your southern girl.” and I go UWU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

two new songs so guess what? classic time. BALANCE. HE’S KEEPING BALANCE. I swear he’s done this purposefully and I could be crazy I could be giving him more credit than is due but I swear he’s picked the arrangement of songs too. because this is too coincidental. so, we’ve got our classic livin on the run by david allan coe. what a DARK song to go with. about a man who murders a woman and lives on the run (again, can’t help but think of the joey ryan murder thing, but hey. that’s just me grasping for straws) regardless if it ties or not, it’s a good classic and it’s fun to croon to even if its uh. dark but sung like. upbeat? almost???

okay, another classic and, to me, one of the sexiest songs on this playlist. I fucking love this song. it’s sexy with an underlying of dark. she literally seduces and knocks the guy out and robs him blind and he’s STILL craving her summer wine like. this song is SO GOOD. so fucking good. the way the music swells with the storytelling is beautiful. “Strawberries cherries and an angel's kiss in spring, my summer wine is really made from all these things. Take off your silver spurs and help me pass the time, and I will give to you summer wine” is just so ajkdfskjdfs ugh i love this song

and guess what? two classics so we’re swinging to a newer song. left turn on a red light by blackfoot. oof. I didn’t know this song and it hit me, it’s so good and I know im saying that about all of them but Honestly. “ Sun shines down on the desert, and it seems to make my life a haze, and I dream of my childhood sweetheart,and the freedom that I had in those days.” UGH. “ Will I always be a rambler? Will the ones I love always keep tellin' me, "You stare too long in the mirror, son, someday you'll be too blind to see.” HELLO???? those lyrics? SO GOOD. and again applying them to hangman just makes me FERAL SCREAM.

cowboys and hippies by cody jinks is such a hangman song it’s almost unreal. if I was going to REALLY reach I’d say it almost reminds me of the way the crowd pulls him back. “At some old honkytonk bar that I know by the smell, some old drunk on a barstool on a Merle Haggard tune. That's my kind of room. Raising hell with the hippies and the cowboys. They don't care about no trends, they don't care about songs that sell. Yeah, tomorrow I'll be gone, so tonight everybody just sing along, raising hell with the hippies and the cowboys” GOOD LYRICS. this has the same sad undertones too as a lot of these songs have too.

ugh. I love him sincerely for this next one. blue skies is one of my favorite songs, but blue skies by willie nelson? YES. my grandpa used to play willie nelson ALL THE TIME and I love this version. an uplifting song to follow the heavier songs. I’d like to think of a hangman who has the blue skies from now on. all of his blue days gone. this song is such a classic (cover) that just. good pick. I love this.

alright, so we’ve got a classic but he’s chosen the version from bojack horseman which makes me think that might’ve been the first time he heard it, but that’s neither here nor there. stars is a BEAUTIFUL song. and boy am I happy we had blue skies before this cause fuck. how sad? how emotional?????? “People lust for fame like athletes in a game, we break our collarbones and come up swinging, some of us are downed some of us are crowned, and some are lost and never found” fuck. fuck fuck fuck. and the last two lines, thinking about hangman? “So if you don't lose patience with my fumbling around, I'll come up singing for you, even when I'm down.” FUCK. my HEART. good pick but OUCH. good but ow.

summertime by orville peck is next BLESS finally an orville song I was gonna lose it on him if he put a playlist and DIDN’T include an orville song. interesting though he went with summertime, the newest, and not any of the ones off pony. but! it follows stars well. its soft, lull, and the lyrics are so hangman now that I put it in this context. “Catch 'em by surprise and chasin' the horizon, nothing holds me down. Askin', "Where the time's gone?" Dreamin' with the lights on, tryna keep your eyes on something along the rise" anyways I know YOU know this song well it’s so fucking good. has that same soft pull a lot of these songs have. the way that chorus swells though? the secondary vocals??? ugh. yeah this was a great choice, I’m glad he went with summertime. it fits the vibe of this playlist so well.

we’re ending on a song with such a country sound to it (i mean all of these do), a bit more upbeat, a bit more funky. “Some say I'm a wild man, drink too much nectar from the corn” and also “Oh the school, it wasn't for me. I earned my stripes a different way I learned to sing harmony and go play out on the stage” definitely makes me think of hangman for SURE. it’s a funky song to end on, and if you keep listening to the playlist on repeat like I do, it even falls into long time gone really well.

and of course this is assuming you’re meant to listen to them one after the other and not on shuffle. I’m sure it still works on shuffle but I LOVE the flow of this playlist listening to it one after the other.

love this whole playlist. and my identifying it with the character could TOTALLY be reaching, but of course I’m going to think of him and analyze his selection of *these* songs specifically to put out to all of us. out of EVERY song he likes. he didn’t include... hmm cowboy take me away, for example? shoulda been a cowboy??? the vibe of the overall playlist FITS “anxious millenial cowboy” it has an underbelly of sadness to it. and I dig the fuck out of that.

overall 10/10 I love this fucking playlist thank you goodnight

Changes

Part 8 of Number 20

Warnings: language

________________________________________

Katie was leaving. The company hadn’t fired her - rather, they had eliminated her position in Madrid and she was going back to the home office. Small consolation, and it gave her very little time to say goodbye to the city she’d come to call home, but at least she wasn’t out of a job. You had thought she would have until at least the summer before she moved back home - she had one week. 

Your supervisor was gracious enough to give you those seven days off, and the two of you spent every moment together. You got churros every morning from Katie’s favorite market, and coffee from the cafe across the street. You spent hours roaming the city taking pictures with her and getting little touristy trinkets to decorate her new cubicle with. Marco scored a goal at her last game at the Bernabeu, and she was weepy about it the rest of the night, which made everyone but Marco uncomfortable. He posted a photo of the two of them to his Instagram stories, and despite having a private profile Katie wound up having to delete the app entirely. She thought it was hilarious.

You stayed up late into the night nearly every night, eating junk food while planning your futures and watching bad rom coms, falling asleep in whomever’s bed you happened to be in that evening. It felt like you were at uni again. Marco, though at this point in the season too busy to spend much time with you, sent the two of you to the spa for a day and to a very lavish evening out afterwards, complete with car and bottle service, and you danced the night away in the VIP section. The hangover the next morning had been worth it.

Her flight left on Tuesday night. You held each other in a bear hug in front of security, each of you trying to hold in the tears. “It’s just a two hour flight,” Katie kept repeating. “Just a two hour flight. You’ll come home for Christmas. I’ll come back for New Years. Two hour flight!”

An announcement came over the loudspeakers, and she pulled away from you. “OK. It’s time.”

You felt a scream rise in your throat, but you managed to keep it together. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you,” you whispered through your tears.

Katie took your face in her hands, and touched her forehead to yours. “You are an incredible woman.” She took a shaky breath. “We’re going to be OK.”

You nodded, and pulled her in for one last hug before releasing her. “Go, before I drag you back home with me. I love you.”

“I love you back,” she said, picking up Amara’s carrier and turning to go. “Two hour flight!” You stood there, waving goodbye to her and the cat until they were through security and rounded the corner, out of your sight. 

The Uber driver kept stealing worried glances at you, crying in his backseat, and when he pulled up to Marco’s house you realized you had put in the wrong address. You didn’t want to traumatize the poor guy anymore than you already had though, so you merely thanked him and got out. You had a key, anyway.

The house was mercifully empty. You shut off the security system, let Rome out, and trudged to the kitchen to make yourself a cup of tea. Then you sent a quick text to Marco to let him know you were there, and whistled for Rome to follow you upstairs. He wasn’t supposed to get on the bed, but you were heartbroken and needed snuggles and decided Marco would forgive you. The sweet puppy lay his head on your shoulder, and soon the both of you were dozing off.

It was dark when Marco got home. He shooed Rome off to his puppy bed, and your protests were silenced when you saw your favorite takeout bags in his hands. “I thought we might need some comfort food tonight.” He spread everything out, and handed you your drink as he settled in beside you. He leaned in for a kiss. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there tonight.”

“It’s alright.” You slurped up a large mouthful of noodles. “It was really crowded, anyway. You might have been a distraction... ” You regretted your words immediately. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know.” He smiled at you, running a thumb over your cheek. “You’re probably right though.” He picked a piece of broccoli out of his container and dropped it into yours. 

“You should eat the broccoli,” you said.

“I eat plenty of vegetables, thanks.” He flipped another piece at you with a silly grin.

You finished your dinner in a comfortable quiet, each picking at the food the other didn’t want, and while Marco took care of the containers you let Rome out once more. Usually you’d be taking turns telling each other about your day. Marco would listen patiently while you rambled on about whatever work crisis you’d defused, you’d listen patiently while he rambled on about the true story behind whatever club crisis the media was manufacturing that week. Tonight, though, you were just quiet.

You perched on a stool at the bar, sipping on something fruity while Marco fussed around the kitchen, muttering under his breath about his brother never cleaning up after himself. His hair was falling in his face, and he kept flipping his head to the side. You called it his Jonas Brother move, much to his annoyance. Watching him take care of his home always made you feel a certain way, something you couldn’t quite name. Whatever it was, it was nice.

Your phone dinged with the alert assigned to Katie’s number. Marco was closest to it, and you nodded your head for him to check it for you.

“She made it.”

A strange, garbled noise left your mouth, and the tears flowed suddenly, as though a hose had been unkinked behind your eyes. You grabbed at your chest, which physically hurt, and though you were heaving great sobs you felt like you couldn’t breathe. Somehow saying goodbye at the airport, seeing her walk away, hadn’t felt as final as that simple text message. Your best friend, for all intents and purposes your sister, was really gone.

Marco held you, held you as tightly as he could, swaying you back and forth on the stool and rubbing sweeping, soothing circles over your back. You didn’t know how long you sat like that, crying into his chest, but when you could finally breathe again your eyes were swollen and your nose was raw. 

“What can I do?” Marco swept your hair out of your face. 

“I don’t know.” You felt empty. “I thought I’d just... carry on....” A sinking feeling came over you. “Shit. I have to find a new roommate.”

“No, you don’t.”

You rolled your eyes in annoyance. "Of course I do, I can’t afford that place by myself.”

Marco just smiled at you.

You sniffed, wiping your eyes. “What?”

“So, as a goodbye present to Katie...” He paused. “I need you to focus on those words, ok? I did this for Katie.”

“Marco, what did you do?”

“I paid Katie’s half of the rent for the next six months.” He said the words quickly and took two large steps back from you.

“You WHAT?” Your jaw unhinged itself in shock.

“Katie told me to!” Marco laughed, and threw his hands up in mock self-defense.

“Oh for... really I... how could...” Words were utterly failing you. “The two of you are going to kill me, I swear.” You put your face in your hands.

“Neither one of us wanted you living with a stranger,” he said, crossing back to you. He ran a hand up your arm. “You have a famous boyfriend, you have to be careful.” He grinned. 

You blew out a heavy sigh. “Well, that’s a good point. I’ve never lived alone.” It might be nice, you thought. “That gives me six months to find someone who’s not a freak, I guess.”

“Oooorr,” Marco said, fidgeting with the edge of your shirt sleeve. “Maybe in a few months we could talk about moving you in here?”

You stared up at him, open-mouthed.

He winked at you, and leaned down to kiss your cheek. “Let’s get you to bed.”

Later, as you lay in bed listening to the soft sounds of Marco breathing, you couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d said. It made sense. You didn’t want to live with another roommate. You weren’t sure if you wanted to live alone. But were you ready to move in with your boyfriend? He’d already mentioned marriage, although in a moment of high emotion and referred to in the distant future. Still, you knew you were both in this for the long haul.

He twitched in his sleep, and the action pulled you in closer to him. The idea of sleeping next to him every night did give you some warm fuzzies. Maybe you were ready, you thought, as sleep beckoned. Maybe.

How do you imagine Tenco's Story ending in your head?

that is a GREAT but UNEXPECTED QUESTION freshlybaked "spider" bread and i'm really happy to have the opportunity to try and answer this ageless question that has burned within all of us in the tenco's story iv waiting room community since 2013. it is an incredible coincidence (or is it? 👀) that i was just talking to Risa about tenco's this (edit: yesterday) morning so i am extra double super in the mood to talk about Tenco's Story today. so excellent of a coincidence is this that i am tempted to refer you to them in case you wanted to hear their thoughts on the matter that would probably turn out super cool, but that is neither here nor there; let us talk Tenco's Story.

i of course must mention my unadvertised and modestly detailed commentary on tenco's i-iii at https://shidiand.tumblr.com/tencos, presenting slightly interesting facts in an unwieldy and difficult-to-use format, but as it dates back to june 2017, i want to take some time to understand my feelings about the series once more.

tenco's story is a series that has a lot of meaning to me.

i took on my current name of shidiand in november of 2013. i was still in 11th grade at the time, 4th year of high school, and a very socially isolated person. i should say i was introduced to touhou in 7th grade, 2010, so i was still working through a 3 years-strong phase of trying to simultaneously both find an outlet for and bottle up an endless wellspring of awkward weeaboo-gamer nerd energy at the time.

i had my first real foray onto the internet in 2010, tried out twitter, followed some RPers and other people who had Cool Touhou Usernames. didn't really go anywhere. i had maybe 50 followers, i dont really know the count but it was definitely a) double digits and b) pretty low. didn't know what to tweet about. didn't know how to hit it off with others. i think there was basically maybe only 3 other people i ever properly interacted with. oh shit i was playing league of legends at the time. oh my god. i really did play league of .. oh my god. let's move on.

aw shit im super digressing amn't i. well.

this is just how it goes when i write essays on tumblr.com.

i'm afraid you're just along for the ride at this point so please do your best to enjoy it.

i got kind of tired of twitter at the time because i didnt know what to do with it. didnt know how to interact with people and didnt find the people i was following interesting, so i ghosted on out of there by the end of 2012. didnt deactivate it until like 2015 but at that point that was just burning away my dark history. anyways. november 2013.

--im taking a lot of time here trawling through old files on my computer, my tumblr blog, notification emails still lying around in my gmail inbox from twitter, the dropbox i didn't actually use but it had several tenco's story pictures on it but i deleted them so this was useless, ... to trace the timeline of this story and im really seeing a lot of remnants of dark history here you know? did you know i wrote a letter to a girl i had a crush on valentine's day 2014, slipped it into her locker, and anxiously hung around nearby at lunchtime to see how she reacted at lunchtime? i certainly didn't, or at least i made darn ass sure to forget about this incredible virgin incident and not remember it, ever, until i came across the records of it that i thoughtfully preserved for the me of 5 years later today. ok well now i have to read the letter to see if it was as bad as it just sounded there brb

ok so the good news is that it was actually very focused on being positive and full of admiration for the cool things she did instead of being a confession letter so i am very glad i was able to be a respectful chad 5 years ago, but the bad news is that the jokes, the actual sentences i put together. oh my god. but i mean. well. at least i got the spirit. its certainly a step up from this other person in my grade, WEEABOO ANDREW, YOU MAY RECALL THIS STORY AND HIS NAME FROM PREVIOUS STORYTIMES, THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND who came to school on halloween once cosplaying kirito from sword art online and got very possessive about people asking if they could hold his black replica plastic sword, and probably worse, dropped a "will you be my girlfriend" letter into the locker of my homie and fellow trombonist samantha, who was a little bit nerdy, hung out with the anime-likers who were actually sociable and fun to be around so you can imagine why weeaboo andrew was into her, which had i) a direct quotation from SAO chapter 16.5 (origin of the famous "glopping noise" line), and ii) a condom. jesus christ. i dont want to talk about this any more. next topic.

i also put this drawing of iku nagae and her skarmory (actually an albinoss from 18 DRAGONS) on the other side of the letter because it was the coolest thing i could think of drawing at the time. and i completely agree with 2014 me because it IS super fucking cool. hell fuckin yeah

https://shidiand.tumblr.com/post/76301993387/iku-nagae-ft-that-thing-that-supposedly-is-a

alright that was a fun little trip down memory lane but lets get back on track. november 2013. i started anew as shidiand. still awkward, still learning how to express myself and looking for my place among others. i followed some touhou bloggers, hung around r/touhou a lot as well. in december i got my first tablet for christmas, a wacom bamboo splash. i still use this thing! the usb cable disconnects if you bump it so i have to find just the perfect position to sit in whenever i want to draw, but its served me well. anyways. i was just starting to play around with digital art but i remember, probably just before new years, for some reason i wanted to find out more about tenshi hinanawi (i don't remember why. tenshi wasn't even one of my favourite characters at the time) so i went googling and right there on zerochan i found this:

https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=23525572

this was during my dark souls phase so i just went BANANAS at the sight of this. this was literally the coolest image i had ever seen in my internet life. That image alone made me want to draw in hopes that I could make something as cool as that someday.

it wasn't immediately after but i soon discovered tenco's story, and it was love. kannnu was my very first artistic inspiration, and for a long time, my only one. i absolutely idolized them at the time. since then, ive found other artists to look up to, in a more healthy manner, but to this day i still look up to kannnu, still admire their work a lot.

i played around with drawing, followed the lives of people on tumblr, started reading touhou fanfiction, made a new twitter. i met a lot of new people along the way. some people i havent stuck with, some i cut ties with, and some people i still keep in contact with today. over those long 5 years of being shidiand, i found a name (i used to use shidian and then shid, but someone called me shidi once and i realized that was a lot better), how to reach out to others, how to express myself, places that i could feel included in. this is why i owe a blood debt to evelyn, who permitted me to kneel at her throne and was like "yea ok you can join my discord server u seem cool". evelyn, if you were confused by me ominously mentioning this blood debt/blood oath in a tumblr reply 1-2 years ago, this is the context. those 5 years were like a coming of age of sorts, that i never had when i was in high school.

and my love for tenco's story, that inspired me to draw that day, has been with me since almost the very beginning of my time as shidiand. from the beginning, i have always encouraged people to READ TENCO'S STORY, like the kin of those who cry PLAY MELTY or WATCH SYMPHOGEAR. i think my very first sidebar description was something akin to a prayer, written in very choral language, hoping for the day tenco's story iv was completed, ..., "meanwhile, furious shitposting". kannnu's work, finding delight in whatever they chose to draw, has been at my side, all along. my true mentor, my guiding moonlight...

so that's why i still to this day love tenco's story so much.

let's talk about tenco's story.

tenco's story is a story told through single pictures. the plot is vague, and details are sparse. dialogue is rare. we only know what has happened; we seldom know why. furthermore, there are many gaps between scenes that the reader is left to fill in for themselves; we see only snapshots that form an hazy outline of the events that occurred, and must imagine the rest. motivations and explanations fail me. but even with a barebones plot, tenco's story has themes, and if nothing else, those have to be carried through.

the main theme, of course, is journey and travel, but there are also other ideas, too. i actually think they start to change as the series goes on:

book i, where tenshi runs away from home, is about striking out on your own. it's a very fun and unpredictable journey, together with a friend.

book ii, where tenshi and iku are separated, forces tenshi to find and rely on companions of her own even more. but they do so, and they are able overcome hardships, and there is food and festival.

book iii marks a climax, reasserting tenshi's goal of finding the sword of hisou. i feel like the journey shifts from a travel (visiting) to a path forwards (making your way through). perhaps this is just something i get from knowing the locations from dark souls (Anor Londo, New Londo Ruins, the Great Hollow), but the locations start to give more of a sense of verticality, like they're emphasizing tenshi's climb to the summit. the hardships and enemies are the greatest they've been yet, and right when they near the top, tenshi and iku start to bleed. the book ends on an uncertain note.

if i had to describe the type of journey and travel that tenshi and iku undertake, there's this sense of wonder at discovering new places, wandering from vista to vista in delight, but also a sense of conquering, making it through a difficult patch. the sequence from pages 2-44 to 2-51, taken together, convey this sense of overcoming the best. it's one of my favourite parts. again, although the tone definitely starts to lean towards struggle in book iii, i think tenco's sense of wonder really is the heart of the series. there's no map of the world, no predicting where tenshi and iku will end up next. and through their travels, though they come across many enemies, they also find friends -- places of refuge, places full of life, people who will look after them for a few days, companions who will stay with them for the rest of the journey. at the end of book iii, we see a long haired tenshi with purple hair being impaled by the sword of hisou (3-33, see also this extra illustration that risa pointed out to me http://sinnnkai.blog.fc2.com/blog-entry-195.html), and regular short haired tenshi continuing on her journey (3-42). if we ignore the out-of-story images where tenshi has the sword of hisou, tenshi has actually only ever used her sunlight blade (2-24, 3-26, etc), so i think that the long haired tenshi on 3-33 is a different person altogether. (if i had to guess, she might be the purple haired woman in the top left of https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=35443328 as we have never seen that woman appear anywhere.) she probably has something to do with the flashbacks at the end of book ii and she might somehow be short-haired tenshi at the same time, but this is just speculation.

however, in 3-43, tenshi's hair is rather blue, so i don't know if this is the purple haired woman or not. if it is, tenshi is probably still fine and closing in on the summit, but if it isn't, then it's very worrying to see a picture of tenshi without any of her companions. it's very ominous.

meanwhile, iku, while climbing the red carpeted corridor, is stabbed, and disappears for a few pages. there's a black page, a shot of a shrine that strongly resembles the hakurei shrine, and a picture of iku standing behind someone in a tux, with the line "In the past, I was saved by the lady I was serving, you see?". and then iku wakes up in a field of flowers.

i think what this scene makes clear is a theme that has continued to appear and reappear throughout every book of "being saved, being aided by someone's kindness".

i think another theme that is implied and has to be addressed by this story of running away from home is "return". something im imagining is that the reason tenshi makes finding the sword of hisou her goal is because she wants to have something to prove herself with, to vindicate her when she comes home. but i don't think she needs to prove anything, and i ultimately think that she would be happier spending the rest of her life exploring.

so i think this should be what happens in the ending.

open on iku's journey, and give her a long sequence of travel without seeing tenshi. underline her newfound resolve. she climbs to the summit with albinoss, and finds the rest of tenshi's companions fallen. and in the last room is sword of hisou tenshi, who has lost herself, and it comes down to iku to bring her back. after a difficult battle, when both of them are on their last legs, iku is unable to stand any longer. but at this moment tenshi sees her companions struggling to get back up and reach her, and that's what brings her to her senses. and iku gets to see how many friends tenshi's been able to make on her own, and they finally and properly reunite. together, tenshi and iku carry each other out of the last room.

i don't think it's necessary to return to heaven. as a conclusion, dedicate some time to tenshi and iku travelling together. they're on their way back, revisiting old friends who helped them along the way, enjoying the journey. their last stop is the house of the elderly nawis (1-42). tenshi shows off the sword of hisou; she decided to keep it not as a trophy to show her family but as proof of the bonds of her companions. surrounded by friends, tenshi and iku decide to part ways with each other, knowing that the other will be alright. iku drifts among the clouds once more, and tenshi sets off for the horizon.

that's the plot that i'd write/just wrote. i don't really expect tenco's story iv to ever come out, though. i mentioned my first sidebar description earlier in this essay, but of course, you can see that it's been changed. 2 years ago, i read my hopeful prayer once more and was struck with a terrible melancholy, so now it reads this: "having come to terms with the fact that tenco's story iv will never be released, i can still live, knowing that the spirit of the journey will live on through kannnu's original works [...] meanwhile, furious shitposting".

on one level, tenco's story is a story, but in the process of following it, i came to think of the work itself as a journey too. you can constantly see kannnu's improvement between and even within each book. they have always drawn whatever they liked; what plot matters in the face of "I wanted to draw a beautiful sky." "I wanted to draw a fantastic battle." "I wanted to draw Dark Souls and Monster Hunter and Pokemon and Brave Fencer Musashi and Bokura no Taiyou and Touhou."

its not really kannnu's style to go back and tie up old ends. they just draw whatever makes them happy. so as i watch them continue to draw beautiful places and fantastic creatures, new characters heading out on journeys of their own or just enjoying their everyday lives, it's as if tenco's story never ended. the limits and consistency of that world ignored, and a new one springs up; in a way, the world of tenco's, which had such thin boundaries, just gets bigger.

but even so, having said all that, i still see them draw that short-haired tenshi from time to time. it makes me happy to see them remember tenco's story with such fondness. often crossing over with orion or roar or elweiss, you can see tenshi on another journey.

16 Year Old Loki

Loki x Reader

 Loki has been proven to be 16 years old (if you translate it to human years) during the events of the MCU that means that he was still in high school. This series will be about Loki being your classmate in high school, after he gets banished to earth by his father.

—————————————————————————

Friday (New kid announced)

“Listen up class!” Mrs Macy, your homeroom teacher, spoke “You all will have a new classmate coming next Monday”

 “SEE GUYS I TOLD YOU SOMEONE NEW IS COMING” screamed your know-it-all classmate Jake… His Mother held a high position at the school so he knew all the latest dirt before anyone else, this also meant that teachers were much kinder to him. He could get away with almost anything, honestly.

 The room filled with questions, “Whats the gender?” said someone “How old?” said another “Whats the Name?”

         *Mrs Macy spent about 10 minutes trying to calm the class down*

“ALL RIGHT THATS ENOUGH!” she yelled “you all can discuss this on your own tim-”

         *The bell rang*

“Time for class!” she said relieved “Off you go”

Your classmates continued to talk about the new kid, as they walked off to their respective classes

“why is everyone so hyped about this new kid?” you asked your best friend Tommy

“Well apparently its a he, and Jake showed a picture to Pearl and she says he is SUPER cute” Tommy told you with a wink ;)

“What was that for?” you said “the wink?”

T :    “WellLLLL-”

Y/N: “WellLLLL WHAT”

T :    “Well, this might be a good chance for you to get over your terrible EX”

Y/N: “WELL IM OVER HIM WE HAVE BEEN OVER THIS TOMMY”

T :     “Y/N YOU ARE NOT

        *This argument continued for a good 3-4 minutes, and caused both of                 you to be late for math*

The day continued but you couldn’t get over your argument with Tommy

was it possible you were still not over your ex? Maybe this new guy really could be a chance? If he was really as cute as they say.

        *your thoughts were interrupted by the last bell of the day*

“Finally I can go home and relax, lucky we have no hw for the weekend”

“Yeah, thats a first Fridays normally have a ton of hw”

you heard two of your classmates talking

——————————————————————————————-

Monday (He arrives)

“Class I would like to introduce your new classmate Loki!” Said Mrs Macy

“Lowkey? thats an odd name… He is really cute tho” you thought to yourself

“I AM LOKI OF ASGARD, I have been banished to your pitiful school by my father because I was causing trouble at home, He also took away most of my powers” Loki spoke

“Sorry, What was that?” Amanda, one of your close friends, said

“Nothing” he replied

        *Mrs Macy dismissed you and a crowd of girls formed around Loki and Amanda approached you*

A :    “Whats up with them”

Y/N: “I think they think he is cute”

A :    “OH HE IS! but… he seems snobby. I mean he called the school pitiful”

         *Tommy joined the convo*

T :     “Whats up with Loki?”

A :     “I don’t know about Lowkey but I think those girls are High Key attracted             to him”

“Y/N” you heard someone call.

          *After a quick glance around the room you realised it was your teacher*

“Yes Mrs Macy” you replied

Mrs M: “What do you think of the new kid Y/N”

Y/N :    “alright I guess… I didn’t really get a chance to talk to him yet”

Mrs M: “Well thats not a problem because I’m assigning you to show him around school and explain some of the school rules.”

Y/N :    “Oh of course Miss. I just think that most of the other girls would want                 to do this, like a lot” *gesturing to the girls crowding over Loki*

Mrs M: “Well, Y/N they might want to but no one really knows the school as well

           as you do”

            >She was right you were in this school since grade one. Jake mom might work here but you felt like you lived here. You were often the last person to go home and the first to enter, you didn’t like studying at home since your annoying little brother wouldn’t keep quiet and often it was quiet in school, and it was a plus that you lived near.<

Mrs M: “It is alright if you don’t want to”

Y/N ;    “No, its alright I’ll do it” *looking over to Loki who was enjoying the                        attention

Mrs M: “Great I’ll call him” *She turned to Loki* “Loki! Please come over her for               a moment”

          *Loki walked over to you and Mrs Macy, leaving his fan girls behind*

Mrs M: “Loki, Y/N will be showing you around school, you can ask her some questions.”  

Loki:     “Alright”

           *Mrs Macy left you both alone*

Y/N:      “See you after school Loki”

Loki:      “Bye”

           *You tell your friends the situation*

A:           “Good Luck. He seems like a pain in the ass”

T:           “I think its a good chance for her to make a new boy friend…”

Y/N:       “come on guy lets get to class”

———————End–Of–Part-One———————-

Hope you guys liked this

Its just the intro so there isn’t much Loki yet, but the following parts will be much better. I had to post this twice cause deleted it by mistake and I forgot the title lmao.

I think the hardest part for me is thinking of names for new characters so if you have suggestions pls comment. Also If you want other characters to make an appearance. Also if anyone has an idea for another series, suggest it.

Tags (still open)

@theironholland @lady-loki-l @nwmtagsb @timugamaileilani @theironholland@acidrain707 @mcu-potter-pirate @poolofspiderdust

SO. My glass teacher is in the hospital for knee surgery today so we had a substitute. And when we have a substitute in glass it means one thing: Ignore responsibilities, make marbles. So this marble. This fucking marble. It has been on the edge of destruction more times than I can count. And I have already written out the story. But this fucking shit website decided to delete my paragraphs upon paragraphs of text just because it hates photo posts. So I have to rewrite forty fucking five minutes of work. 

I started this marble on Tuesday. It was much smaller when I started it, about a centimeter in diameter with a lovely vein of yellow-orange inside. But our teacher, who was present then, decided that I had to make marias or whatever the fuck theyre called. So I had to set my marble aside for the duration of the class. Until, in the last five or so minutes, I decided to go back to my marble. But I was a fool. A damn fool. I didn’t let it heat up gradually; I stuck it straight into the hottest part of the flame. And due to thermal shock, about a third of the marble chipped off. I was heartbroken, but I swore I would return to fix it. 

And that is just what I did today. 

However, for some reason, the oxygen for half the torches wasn’t working. And since our teacher wasn’t present, we had no way to fix the problem. I ended up sharing a torch with another girl, a sophomore. I would like to note that we are absolutely not supposed to share torches with another person, and definitely not have two people working on the same torch at the same time. 

So there I am, two people on one torch, wielding a half-broken marble still on the rod. Since I’m going to have to add more glass anyways to fix the chip and make it decently sized, I decide to go and add some more color, this time a nice sort of coral. But let me tell you about colored glass. Specifically red-hued colored glass. Red glass is a sensitive little bitch. If you do anything wrong it will decide that it does not like being red, and will lose all saturation, becoming clear or grey or god knows what. So the coral decides to turn grey. Since it does this while red-hot I don’t notice this and frankly I don’t really care. But in conclusion: red fucking sucks. 

Now I gotta go patch up that fracture. So I grab another clear rod. I started this marble on a 6mm rod, while I’m technically supposed to use 8mm rods. But I don’t give a shit, I’ll use a thin rod if I goddamn want to. I stick on an 8mm rod anyways because there were like seven of them just fucking sitting around and I was too lazy to go over and get a brand new rod. And it’s kind of hard to make a marble when there’s two rods attached, so I went and detached the original (thin) rod from the marble. I then smoothed it out, heating it up then putting it in the marble mold which is apparently also called a marble marver. Anyways I get it to a point where I’m happy with it, and I decide hey I’m ready to cut this. So at first I try to just do a normal torch cut, which is when you just heat up the rod and pull off your whatever with tweezers alright? Well thats not what you do with marbles cause you want them to be entirely smooth, and you cant really heat it when its not on the rod because how would you hold it? Probably with tweezers but your tweezers are made out of metal, dumbass, and you can’t stick them in the fire or you’ll fuck up your tweezers. 

So since our teacher is obviously not present, as he is in the hospital having knee surgery, I call on the unofficial assistant teacher to help. She’s a senior who’s taken glass before and she’s the one who taught us how to do marbles in the first place. Most of the time she just chills out and does whatever the fuck she wants, which is usually making marbles, while chewing gum and listening to headphones, neither of which I think are allowed but she doesn’t give a shit. So she comes over and I ask her how to finish off my marble, which at this point in time is a nicely made marble but with some protrusion of excess glass hanging out because this is my second time making a marble, the first being over a week ago and out of my memory, and I have no clue what I’m doing. And shes like okay well uh what youre supposed to do to remove a marble from the rod is attach a second rod to the other side of the marble and im just here thinking I already did that but okay sure and she tells me that I have to reattach my marble to the rod at the point where I’ve got the fucked up protrusion, then on the other side of the marble add what’s called a punty. A punty is where you heat up a rod and stick it to whatever youre making while you remove that thing from the original rod but the thing that makes punties work is that they’re attached while the marble is sorta cool so they don’t heat fuse and they can just come right off well anyways as she was explaining this I didn’t remember that fine detail about punties so I take another rod and heat it up and attach it to the fucked up protrusion on the side of my marble and on the other side I stick on on yet another rod and this one I think might be the original 6mm one but I really don’t know at this point. But to stick that on I heat up the marble so that the rod sticks better and just so you know that’s exactly the opposite of what you want to do. But I don’t know that yet. So I go on my merry way and remove the fucked up protrusion and smooth it all out and its all lovely and then I ask her hey how do I remove the punty rod and she takes one look at it and shes like hmmmm well you fucked up. Thats heat fused on. So you gotta do another punty rod. And that I do, and this time I am successful, except. Except. When sticking my lovely marble back into the flame. I assume that it is still hot. It isn’t. Thermal shock cracks it straight down the goddamn middle. Both halves are still attached to the punty, by some miracle, but it is painfully clear that so much as looking at it the wrong way will cause those two halves to fall apart and be Marble-No-More. So carefully, very carefully, because although I have suffered more than enough I have gotten back up each and every time, and like hell I’m giving up on this marble, I stick it again into the flame, this time being more careful to heat it up gradually. There is a moment of crisis - I twirl the rod, and the slight heat on the punty rod allows one of the halves to angle away from the other, but I quickly turn it back over and let them sink into each other. The two fractured halves heat and fuse together, at first leaving little more than a seam, then only being remembered by the few small air bubbles trapped inside. Crisis: averted. Senior Marble Master is watching over my shoulder the entire time. I tell her I’m ready to remove the punty. Alright, she says, what you’re going to do is put it in the marble mold, and I follow along as she speaks. Instantly, with no effort needed at all, the moment I put the marble into the mold, the punty snaps off. It’s a clean break, and it’s beautiful - but it isn’t perfect. There’s a small bump where it was. Now you’re not supposed to stick your tools in the fire, but if you’re very very careful, you can hold your marble in the mold up to the flame. And so I did this, and once heated, I would twirl it around in the mold, trying to smooth out that one little bump. And then my hand slipped, and the marble jumped out of the mold and plummeted to the floor. The moment it rolled off the edge, I felt my soul slip away - all that work, gone, shattered onto the floor. 

IT SURVIVED.

And not only did it survive the three foot drop onto the stone floor, it decided to roll across the room and into the corner. This is not an empty corner. It is currently being occupied by a dozen glass tubes, each maybe three to four inches wide. And each of these tubes is wrapped. In plastic. My burning hot escapee marble rolls across the room, into the corner, and comes to rest on the corner of a tube’s plastic packaging. Fun fact! Plastic? It Melts. I am too in shock from dropping my marble and then having it survive to realize that it can’t stay there forever. Thankfully, Senior Marble Master doesn’t have this issue. She grabs a pair of mashing tweezers - tweezers, but with wide, flat squares for Making Things Flat - and journeys across the room to pick up my absolute motherfucker of a marble. It comes back covered in burnt-black, smoldering plastic, but it is intact. I am amazed. She tells me the plastic is still hot and will stick to things, so I have to keep moving it around so that doesn’t happen, but otherwise it should just be fine. So I spend the next five or so minutes doing that, passing it between tweezers, rolling it around in a slightly larger marble mold, et cetera. I take that first picture up there. You can still see the black of the plastic on there, because when I took this, I had not yet decided to attempt to remove it. 

I started just by scratching it with my fingernails, and it worked for a time. By now it was cool, and I carried it with me as I wandered around the room, carefully trying to scrape off the plastic. I went to the small room in the back of the class, with a small sink, and grabbed a (dry) paper towel to aid this. But it isn’t very effective, and it definitely isn’t fast. So I return to the torch, place it in the mold, and carefully hold it up to the torch. It burns away the plastic beautifully; blue flames licking across its surface as it feasts on the easy food. But again - it isn’t perfect. I try to rotate it, let it get at the marks on other sides, but it won’t comply. So I return to the corner room, getting a new piece of paper towel - now wet with cold water. I forget that the marble is still hot. Once again, it snaps with thermal shock - but only partly. Two new fractures run across its face. Despite that, despite everything, it is still whole. 

Fuck this, I decide, I’m not doing any more work to clean this up.

I spend the next fifteen minutes or so taking photos of this marble, this incredible fucker who seems to break at the slightest inconvenience yet hold strong, because I know deep inside me that it doesn’t have much time left. That it won’t survive the next few hours in my pocket, as I go through class and bike home through the persistent summer heat. 

And then, I start writing this.

(and then I keep writing it all throughout my lunch period, and then I decide I don’t want to keep writing it on my phone, so I decide to save it to drafts, and tumblr just deletes the whole damn thing cause it evidently hates any and all photo posts, and then I rewrite the whole damn thing. by the way as I finish this it’s 17:18 and i finished the marble at like 11:25, and it survived the trip home despite my greatest fears and is now chilling in a bottle cap on my bedside table. also at one point during the ‘remove plastic’ stage I drop it again and it rolls under the table and is once again fine, just linty. not counting this epilogue/note/whatever, i wrote two thousand words. on a google doc with 12pt arial and single spacing, that’s about three full pages of text. the things i do to spite tumblr’s shitty code that deletes my posts!)

Spiderman: Homecoming thoughts

Spoilers!!!

·the 60s spider-man theme during the marvel logo ❤ ·i loved the “friendly neighborhood spider-man” scene. Him getting back the bike and leaving a note, the lady and the churro. Loved it. ·"aye, you're spider-man from YouTube. Do a flip!“ And he does the flip for him. ·Dad Tony. Annoyed Uncle Happy. ❤ Seriously. Like everyone who got mad that "tony is taking over” i hope you went back and shame deleted your posts. ·pepper cameo, like yooo, so are her and tony back together…? And the fact that tony bought an engagement ring for pepper all the way back in 2008 c: ·of course, Stan Lee cameo. Pretty early in the film and funny as always. ·the ATM robbery and peter tries to figure out a cool line to start the fight. ·all the times he falls on his face. ·the iron spider outfit. I’m so mad peter didn't wear it at all. But hopefully in infinity war. ·Flash being a more modern, honest depiction of a bully. Just a ‘flash'y rich kid, not necessarily a jock or anything. Honestly everyone being more honest and modern depictions of high school kids. No makeup on Michelle, the awkward school news casters, still playing with legos, playing outdated (but not really because it had to be filmed in like 2011-2) cliche celebrity videos for the students in class, jokes like penis parker, Seniors hanging out with sophomores and not just other upperclassmen. Not the weird stereotyped stuff we get in a lot of other films and media. ·Captain America videos + 2nd after credits scene. I love when he motioned to the side in the video to the gym teacher but Hannibal was on the other side. That little thing made me laugh. Also we left the theater and then came back for the last after credit scene and i felt so betrayed. ·Chess! ·For whatever reason near the end i kept expecting the credits to roll, but then there was another scene which was a delight for me. Maybe i’m just bad at knowing when movies end. ·no buildings so he has to run and cant use his web shooters. ·Ned Leeds. The guy in the chair. ·Learning Curve. I love that there were consequences to turning off the training wheels protocol. He didn't just get a whole bunch of cool features and became amazing. He turned it off and he messed up. He didn't know how to use things and it got him hurt. They were put there for a reason. It showed that Tony planned on training Peter for a while. All of the features Tony put on the suit to seemingly “limit” peter, were put their for his protection and come in handy later. The tracker allows Tony to save him after the parachute thing. The “baby monitor” lets him find out the identities of the arms dealers. Its just like actual parents and teenagers. Teens think the parent is being unfair and just trying to stop them from having a good time (and sometimes it is just unfair) but its for their own good. ·Learning curve again. He also just didn't always make the best decisions, even if things turned out alright. Like think about. Every time stuff got destroyed it was his fault. He tried to stop the arms deal under the bridge and ended up being dragged down the street. He kept the piece of alien tech, which caused the accident at the Washington monument. He tried to bust the arms deal on the ferry and it got cut in half. He tried to stop vulture again and crashed a plane. Which i think is actually great because remember vultures origin story of being the guy who has to clean up after that type of stuff. But anyway, Peter makes mistakes and messes up. He doesn't even have a cool sequence of transforming into spider-man, he has to undress in an alley. Like he isn't this effortlessly cool and talented superhero which is so incredibly true to the character of Peter Parker. ·michelle tells their teacher the Washington monument was built by slaves. ·Martin Starr ·Zendaya ·this entire cast really. Even Karen is Jennifer Connelly!!! ·Peter bonding with Karen. ·OMFG Aunt May! ESPecially at the end. Like i cannot wait to see her reaction more in depth. ·we got passing comments about the spider bite and uncle Ben. Which is fine, they basically skipped the first half hour of the other first spider-man movies, but i did wish that we would've gotten a flashback or something small. So i’m just going to put this out there for marvel, flashback to uncle ben (or possibly peter’s parents/father) in infinity war or something for just a hot second, maybe even just a picture of him maybe? and the actor, Tobey Maguire. I’ll leave it to you. ·Tony just wants to clean up his messes but he cant even do that without there also being a problem. He just cant win. But i guarantee that if Tony was there when damage control told them they were taking over, he probably would've tried to hire those guys instead of just telling them to beat it. Also… Vulture just trying to support his family and all, and we don’t know what his life was truly like before damage control stepped in. But… He seems to speak like hes still on rough times but…look at liz’s house.like it seems like he got money. ·i think its liz’s drawing of the avengers at the beginning. · When they are in the car, driving to homecoming, and Vulture is slowly figuring out who Peter is (kinda like the dinner scene with the green goblin in the first spider-man) and when he figures it out, the green from the street light is on his face, and just...symbolism. ·i think i missed the part where Harrison was dressed up instead of tom. Did they actually put that in because or maybe i just cant remember the scene right now. I know it was sometime when he had the decathlon jacket on. I think it was when he was stuck in the damage control facility. But for some reason my mind is blurring it. He was just running. ·when tony asks peter to stay at the avengers facility i kinda got the feeling that while tony was proud of peter for knowing what he wants he was kinda sad to know he wasn't going to be staying. Especially after what happened in civil war. He obviously thought it all out and planned things. Kinda like after Avengers, he kinda got excited and attached to everyone, got them their rooms in the tower and all. So kinda sad… · the nod towards Miles Morales and just Donald Glover in general is great. I wont lie that i would've loved more of him and maybe an actual cameo from miles but this was great. Maybe in another film.. · “Come on man, i got ice cream in here.” ·the principal is a descendant, i think grandson, of Jim Morita and played by the same guy, Kenneth Choi!!! Yaaaaasss! Like no wonder this guy is still playing these Cap videos in the school even if he is “technically a criminal” ·Bruce Banner and Howard Stark pictures in the school 😊 ·he isn't driven by romance. Saving or wooing Liz isn't his main goal in the story. There isn't even a kiss (like was teased in the trailer). ·i kind of wish instead of scorpion, the next villain tease would've been for doc ock, or sandman or green goblin but that’s purely personal preference. A black cat hint would've been cool as well, but i understand why they didn't do that. They did hint at the sinister six so they kinda did hint at doc ock and them. ·the video diary bits ❤ and just how well it fits into civil war like a puzzle piece, not just tacked onto the end. · I know some people complained about too many references to other parts of the marvel universe but I liked it. I love references and easter eggs personally, but also this is suppose to be an cinematic universe. everything is suppose to be connected. Why wouldn’t we see descendants of characters, or hear about the sokovia accords in class, or have pictures of notable inventors/scientists in schools, etc.etc.

·”Oh shes not playing mary jane.” “My friends call me MJ.” OMG fight me marvel!

·seriously i did not see the twist coming. Vulture is liz’s dad… Whaaattt? Honestly i loved it. Plus mixed girl representation✊and i like the timing of it. Peter really just defaults back into normal high schooler life. Is so down about what happened and then boom! Cant escape it. ·when the vulture is stealing stuff he has like…a duffel bag. Like they aren’t seemingly stealing that much stuff. Its not like they kill the drivers and steal the entire truck…they just want a little bit. ·"im trying to save you!“ Like yo…almost cried. Seriously. I wanted to scream at the screen. stop! Let him help! Listen to him! I was freaking out. ·"i wanted you to be better.” I know they showed this in the trailer but it was just as impactful this time round. Same with the “if you're nothing without the suit you shouldn't have it.” Like i cannot handle these Tony feelings. ·honestly the part at the end when he is looking at the reflection of himself, half masked, and the line from tony is echoed was…kinda cheesy. But it was still pretty impactful. Especially considering tom holland’s acting at that part. Nearly crying and yelling for help and wiggling around under the concrete, just so down on himself… almost made me cry. ·Just an overall amazing representation of “with great power, comes great responsibility”. There are consequences to his actions, he isn’t just amazing right from the start, he makes mistakes, and has low points and although he doesn't grapple too much with whether or not he wants to be spider-man (he pretty much always picks spider-man over anything else) he still struggles with how to do it and how to balance it. And its important to him that he does a good job, not just because its cool to be a superhero but because he feels the need to. He obviously doesn't brag about it and even chooses to not even come out as an official avenger. He knows where his heart is, where his home is, and by the end of the film he is pretty sure on where his responsibility lies. He realizes that there are big avenger level problems going on, but there are also small jobs to be done. Helping the little guy. He turns down a cool new suit, staying in a facility with the avengers, his own safety and life, to help out those in need.

Try to get to at least 30 points a day You can customise this diet however you like. This is my personal diet. Calorie intake
0-200 = 10 points
 201-350 = 8 points
 351-500 = 5 points
 501-600 = 3 points
 601-750 = 1 points
 750-950 = 0 points
 950+ = -8 points Water intake
 9 Glasses = 10 points
 8 Glasses = 9 points
 7 Glasses = 8 points
 6 Glasses = 7 points
 5 Glasses = 6 points
 4 Glasses = 4 points 
3 Glasses = 3 points
 2 Glasses = 2 points 
1 Glasses = 1 points
 0 Glasses = 0 points Exercise
1 hr + = 10 points
 45 min = 8 points
 30 min = 5 points
 15 min = 2 points
 0 min = 0 points Hours slept
 8 hours = 10 points
 7 hours = 8 points
 6 hours = 7 points
 5 hours = 5 points
 4 hours = 4 points 
3 hours = 2 points
 2 hours or less = 0 points ------------------------------------- I remember scrolling through Instagram when I was 11 and seeing this photo and not knowing what it meant. I remember standing in front of a mirror and noticing how huge my thighs were and how my body didn’t look anything like hers. I remember feeling disgust in myself for the first time. I scrolled through that blog for hours and looked at the photos of pretty girls I’d never be. I remember the next day when I skipped my first meal. Two weeks later I fasted for the first time. I remember turning 12 and not being around anyone because I had pushed everyone away because I hated how I felt around anyone that I thought was skinnier than I was. I remember my mom telling me that she thought I might be coming down with something because I was suddenly loosing so much weight. I remember my 6th grade teacher pulling me aside one day and asking me if they were treating me alright at home because of how sick I was starting to look. I remember my friends starting to ask me if I was okay and I just ignored them and walked away. I remember when my mom found rotting food in my closet that I forgot to throw away, I remember her yelling at me and asking what it was. I remember my parents searching my room and finding notebooks filled with calories and exercises and dates and self hate. I remember being admitted into a hospital the summer before my 7th grade year because I had gone from 90 pounds to 65. I remember my parents crying and my sister who was 7 asking my why my stomach was smaller than theirs and I remember the day that I tried to kill myself in the hospital using a shower curtain. I was released three months later, five days before my 7th grade year was going to start and I remember that I was finally okay again and I could finally eat a cheeseburger without clawing at my throat and stomach. And then I saw this picture again. I remember almost puking because a wave of emotion so big it almost drowned me washed over my brain. I remember how I deleted the app that I saw it on again but it was no use because I went back to staring at my thighs and how they were starting to rub and touch at the top again and how it disgusted me. And I remember repeating the same process I did back in sixth grade until I passed out because I hadn’t eaten in 5 days and I was scared to drink water because it made my stomach get a little bit bigger. And I remember more hospitals and more doctors. And I remember being nursed back to health once again and how I had no friends anymore and how my parents always fought because they blamed my diets on themselves. Months passed and things were fine again. Years passed and things got harder and tougher but never that bad. I hardly ever went on social media. Things were okay up until a few months ago, the summer before my 12 grade year. And then I saw this photo again. ------------------------------------- The trick to starving I feel like most people assume the trick to starving yourself is through restriction. No eating after 7. No eating white carbs. No this. No that. But, the more you focus on the ‘no’s, the more you want them and that’s where binging comes in to play and going mental. But, honestly it makes it so much harder. What I’ve found is actually the opposite. Not being restrictive, in the sense of not letting these thoughts be so consistently present throughout the day, is what has helped me eat less. If you build of the mentality that you don’t care, and you don’t want it and you don’t feel like eating. It’s so much easier and you’re not thinking about food all the time. You think about other more important things in life, while still being able to lose the weight you want. Just don’t focus on it so much, and eat little bit of healthy food. stay safe everyone. ------------------------------------- Some meanspo I wrote!! Hey fatass, how’s it going? I guess that’s a stupid question, because everything’s probably shitty in your life, what with you being such a fucking whale. Why do you eat so much? You don’t need to eat that much. Your body can survive on way less food than that. You have such high stores of fat that it would probably take you years to die from starvation. You may not be able to loose weight fast enough by just not eating, so what you need to do is start exercising. Like right now. Get up and stop looking at thinspo and actually workout. Do you really think that just sitting there looking at those pictures of skinny girls is going to make you as pretty as them? NO! Its wont. You need to get up off that he lazy ass of yours. Do you really actually want those skinny arms, that thigh gap, the flat stomach? Yes? Well it sure as hell doesn’t seem like it. If you really wanted to achieve it you would be working out instead of sitting on your technology like you have nothing better to do. There is always something better to do. If you’re reading this in public, walk a block or go and buy a cup of unsweetened green tea. It will raise your metabolism, whereas just sitting there will do nothing. Yes, I know working out is hard, but once you make it a habit it becomes so much easier. 21 days is all it takes to make something a habit, so start now. Start taking walks in the mornings and finishing your days off with a yoga sequence before you go to sleep. Start eating one meal a day, and make sure its salad or some other healthy food, as opposed to the fatty shit that you’re always shovelling into your mouth. Aren’t you embarrassed of those huge giggly thighs that rub together when you walk? Aren’t you sick of having a tummy instead of a flat stomach that your lover can rap their arms around? The only girls who flinch away when their stomach is being touched are fat worthless girls. They know they should be ashamed of that tummy the size of a fucking planet. Scrolling through Tumblr, always seeing the GIFs of sexy girls being touched seductively by their partners. If you keep on shovelling your fat face with food, that will never be you. Do you see those other blogs on Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr, where other anorexic girls will do body checks, and other people will reblog them, or post them on their page with the caption #goals? Do you know the reason they are the ones being called goals and not you? It’s because unlike you they actually have some damn self control, and don’t feel the uncontrollable need for that fatty double cheeseburger from McDonalds. You don’t need that, what you need is a sense of self control, a salad and a bottle of water. The only girls who get reblogged are the hot ones. Notice that almost no one ever reblogs photos of fattass girls unless they’re making fun of them? Well, that practically never happens. Yes, society says to embrace your curves and all that shit. But when has society ever stuck true o that, huh? Practically never. The curves they want are a round ass, and huge shapely breasts. They don’t want a huge flappy ass, and saggy titties. So come on, stay with it, and don’t eat that unhealthy food, it will just make you fatter than you already are. ------------------------------------- You fat fuck. How about you pick up a magazine with skinny girls in it before you pick up a fork. can’t you see how big your getting. People don’t tell you this shit just to spare your feelings but your fucking fat. And I hope you fucking get hit by a car because fat girls shouldn’t be able to walk the streets. You fucking retarded shitface, listen if you want to be skinny just DON’T FUCKING EAT. Don’t you get it by now? No food = no fat. Hello? Do you fucking understand? Ugh 😑 I hate fat people, I hate you can’t you see why every time you look in the mirror you fat fuck?fat is ugly, skinny is perfect. ------------------------------------- 100 REASONS TO GET SKINNY THINSPIRATION
1. Imagine how you’ll look in tight clothes. No rolls no shame. 2. You’ll be delicate and small. No longer will you be the fat ugly friend. 3. Collarbones. Imagine having them to touch instead of just looking at them in thinspo. 4. You’ll have a thigh gap. No more chafing and no more disgusting fat just oozing off your legs. 5. Watching the scale go down every day instead of watching it go up and feeling disgusting. 6. Your sister will envy you. 7. Your friends will be jealous of your self control and tiny body. They can preach self love while secretly hating themselves all they want. It won’t matter because you’ll be thin and beautiful. 8. Thin hands and tiny wrists. 9. Delicate ankles and small calves. No longer will you be an elephant. 10. When you walk it will be virtually silent. People won’t hear you coming a mile away with disgusting hippo footsteps. You will be tiny and quiet. A shadow and a whisper. 11. People will ask how you got so thin. Oh they’ll be envious but none of them are strong enough to reach their goals. 12. For once you will be in control. No more binging, no more hunger after already eating. You will be powerful in your decision to achieve your ideal body. 13. You won’t be too embarrassed to draw yourself. 14. You won’t have to only date fat people. 15. In a relationship you will always be tinier than your partner. They’ll be able to pick you up and twirl you around. 16. People will give you piggy backs instead of you giving them. 17. Never again will you be too heavy for something. 18. You won’t be dictated by your fat anymore. Whatever you want, wear it! Everything looks good on thin. 19. Imagine how cute you’ll look in lingerie. Lace will just accentuate your tiny form. 20. Getting naked won’t be embarrassing. Let them stare. You’ll be beautiful. 21. It won’t always be unrequited love. People you didn’t have a chance with as a fat girl will love you. People need to get past the outside to see the inside. Nobody will bother getting past a disgusting fat outside. 22. Wearing makeup will be fun, not embarrassing. 23. You will be your own thinspo. 24. You’ll spend way less money on food. Food is temporary and a waste of cash. Instead spend it on games and clothes. 25. Looking in the mirror won’t make you want to break it. 26. A flat stomach is cute and tiny. 27. Your face will look thin and dainty. No more double chins and disgusting fat cheeks . 28. When people take pics of you it won’t make you want to cry. You’ll be the pretty one. 29. You won’t have to keep your hair short. Long hair won’t make you look like a greasy land whale. 30. Girls will envy you instead of pity you. 31. You’ll be the smallest person in your family. No longer will you be the fattest. 32. People will whisper about how thin you’ve gotten. 33. You’ll be light like a feather. 34. Food won’t control you. Eating is a necessity, not a crutch. 35. Think of bony shoulders. You’ll be defined and delicate instead of a shapeless mass of fat. 36. You’ll be able to count your ribs. 37. When you bend over people will be able to see the ridges of your spine. No more flubber. 38. You’ll have a tiny cute butt. 39. Thigh high socks will fit and look adorable. 40. Boots that travel up your calves will actually fit. 41. Shorts will look good on you. 42. Carnival rides won’t be embarrassing. The bar won’t touch your stomach. If anything they’ll worry you’ll slip out. You’ll be able to ride with anyone because your weight is barely anything. 43. Seat belts will fit easily. No more embarrassing struggle to strap yourself in while people silently judge you. 44. Any style will look good on you. Experimenting with fashion will be fun and interesting. Your body won’t hold you back. 45. You’ll be in the underweight category instead of the overweight one. 46. Your father won’t be ashamed of your weight. Your grandmother won’t keep getting shocked by how fat you’ve gotten. Instead she’ll fuss because you’ll be too thin. 47. There will be a huge difference in your before and after pics, and you’ll be proud. 48. You’ll finally get to fit your aesthetic. No more being ashamed of how you look. You’ll be the cute nerdy book girl instead of the fat gamer nerd slob. 49. Instead of eating you can follow hobbies like painting your nails, doing makeup, drawing, writing, and walking out in nature. 50. If you want some fun you’ll be able to hook up with someone of quality. No sloppy seconds. You’ll be first choice, not oh-my-god-never. 51. In a romance novel you’d be the beautiful thin one, not the tragic never loved fat one. 52. Shopping will be fun. You won’t have to keep looking for bigger sizes. Large will be too large. 53. If you want to you can shop at places that don’t carry plus sizes and be able to fit. 54. Changing rooms will be roomy and you won’t feel squished. Looking in the mirror to see how you look won’t be a disappointment. 55. You’ll fit in tiny spaces. No more bumping into walls when you go by. 56. Your breasts will be small and perky instead of fat. 57. Rings will look cute on your bony fingers instead of squeezing them like fat sausages. 58. The scale won’t make you want to cry. 59. Nobody will recognize you. They won’t be able to believe you went from whale to skinny. 60. Choker necklaces will look delicate and dainty on your neck. You won’t have double chins getting in the way. 61. Your jawline will be defined and sharp. No longer will you be soft edges and squishy fat. 62. You’ll be the pretty one. 63. Guys will actually like you instead of think you’re a blob of disgusting fat. 64. People will date you. 65. When you’re measured against other girls you won’t be the ugly one. 66. You’ll be able to love yourself. 67. At Halloween parties you can dress however you want and look good. No more ghosts or pumpkins. 68. Onesies. Just imagine. 69. Guys will chase you instead of you chasing them. 70. It will be okay to have something nice to eat every once in a while because you’ll be a pro at staying in control and if you do gain half a pound you can lose it just like that. 71. You could be princess carried without breaking someone’s back. 72. It’ll be “You’re so skinny” instead of “You’re not fat”. 73. When you’re at the gym you’ll be the one making people jealous and embarrassed. 74. Your feet will look delicate and dainty when wearing heels instead of like fat blobs. 75. Thinspo blogs will use your picture as thinspo instead of reverse thinspo. 76. ‘Cute’ will be the first word to describe you, not ‘nice’. 77. People will be concerned. Maybe they shouldn’t have called you fat and ugly all those years. Oh well, now you’re thin and beautiful. 78. You could be a model. 79. Crop tops will make you look cute, not fat. 80. No muffin top. 81. At family gatherings your snobby relatives will be blown away by how beautiful you’ve become. 82. Your exes will wish they’d never let you go. 83. You’ll be able to pull of cosplay like a pro. You won’t be the fat version of everyone you cosplay. 84. Every day will be exciting because you won’t hate the clothes you wear or looking in the mirror or stepping on the scale. 85. Shopping for a prom dress will be fun. You’ll look like an ethereal goddess instead of a sausage roll. 86. You’ll be able to pull off a bikini. 87. Going swimming won’t be embarrassing. You’ll be able to wear a sexy bikini without feeling like a joke. 88. You could wear baggy clothes and look stylish instead of like a slob. 89. You could wear your boyfriend’s shirt and nothing but panties and it would be the hottest thing he’d ever seen. 90. People will stare because they can’t believe you’re so beautiful, not because you look like you just crawled out of a gutter. 91. Unhealthy food will taste gross. 92. You’ll have a small stomach so when you eat small portions you’ll still feel full. 93. Eating will become so unimportant sometimes you’ll actually forget to eat instead of binging like a pig. 94. You’ll look like a ballerina. 95. If you’re eating less meat you’re helping the environment and saving animals lives. 96. No matter what else is going on in your life you will have control over your body. Nobody can take that from you. 97. Empty feels better than full. 98. Processed foods are extremely unhealthy. You’re doing yourself a favor by not eating them. 99. You’ll have so much more time and money if you’re not wasting them on food. 100. You will finally love your body. ☆Remember to stay safe. We want to be skinny, not dead. You can’t slay with a killer body if you’re decomposing six feet under. Be kind to yourself. Every pound is progress. ------------------------------------- Dear me, You can eat that piece of cake when you’re at your goal weight.
You can have that burger as soon as your stomach is flat when you sit down.
You can drink that milkshake when your thighs don’t touch.
I promise , you can have anything you want for a day as soon as you reach what you’ve been trying to for 4 fucking years, but right now? Right now, you can drink 8 glasses of water a day, exercise your ass off, skip some meals, don’t eat those sweets, don’t binge, don’t give in. You got this. 
It’ll only take a couple months to get to where you want to be if you try. Just try for me, for us, please. 
That’s all you’ve wanted forever. 
You can’t keep looking at thinspo wishing that was you.
Make it you. -------------------------------------

Facebook Posts July 2010 - December 2010

4th July 2010

The illusion that everybody's opinion matters has created a society in which stupidity must be considered just as seriously as brilliance. Gone are the days where stupid people weren't allowed to talk while big people were talking. Now they have their own facebook pages.... On the bright side, we no longer have to rely on television for entertainment

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10th July 2010

♫ Just gonna stand there and watch me burn....well that's alright because I like the way it hurts......Just gonna stand there and hear me cry....well that's alright because I love the way you lie...♫  - ‘Love the way you lie’, Rihanna ft. Eminem

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14th July 2010

If there's no such thing as no such thing, then there is such a thing as no such thing, which means that there really is no such thing as no such thing.

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15th July 2010

Bad?: So I was standing next to a fat girl and I turned to her and said "moo". At first she started to cuss and call me names and tell me about my mother. I quietly said "moo" again without lifting my gaze. This time she started screaming and clawing at me. For the last time...I said "moo". She stopped and looked at me, then after a minute of silence she said "father?"

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25th July 2010

You know you're doing something wrong when your fiancée tells you "I'd rather be his whore than your wife"... ♥ Titanic

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30th July 2010

You ever meet someone so dumb that you think they're up to something? "What?....no....what you playing at?....wait.....you're serious?"

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5th August 2010

The 1st tao of Jarid: {For all those in a relationship...the sentence "It doesn't matter anymore, I have a man, I'm gonna let loose" is not acceptable unless you're talking about a party or sex.}

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6th August 2010

I know I'm not the only person that finds irony in the fact that the guy that recently beat the JAMAICAN Bolt, is called Mr. Gay. lol "Gay shocks Bolt in Stockholm" is the Headline....So what did we learn? U can run from gays all u want my Jamaican brethren, but it'll catch up with you eventually...

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15th August 2010

Life is too short to waste on people who don't realize how awesome you are. I knew an awesome person who never followed the crowd or did what was 'expected'. She's gone now, but I can say she lived her life the way she wanted to, surrounded by people she liked who definitely liked her. When my time comes, I want someone to say the same about me. So fuck off and thank you.

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17th August 2010

Can someone explain to me how purposely doing something that makes your guy friends happy and like u, but at the same time leaves ur woman unhappy and unsatisfied, isn't gay? "Bow cat" it would seem is the opposite of "battyman"....not synonymous.

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20th August 2010

"Ur like a giant fucking cock blocking robot developed in a secret government lab or something" - Zombieland (lmao)

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21st August 2010

♫ That's alright, thats ok....g'on head believe what ur home girls say...a nigga like me drink alotta liquor, meet alotta bitches, take alotta pictures....I might break bread with 1 or 2 strippers, but that don't mean u gotta pull my zipper...thinkin that I dicked down the whole town, even tho I got dick to go round ♫ - ‘Smell yo dick’, Kay Luv

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22nd August 2010

♫ You say its my fault, ok then I'll go...its better to know...how theres nobody to argue with...cuz im not home...dont care who ur with....dont call my phone...or did u forget...u know you're wrong...I'm gone....and you're all alone....hearing your own damn...eh echo eh echo ♫ - ‘Echo’, Gorilla Zoe

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8th September 2010

♫ A penny for my thoughts, oh no I'll sell them for a dollar, They're worth so much more after I'm a goner, And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin', Funny when your dead how people start listenin'...If I die young ♫ - ‘If I die young’, The Band Perry

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10th September 2010

The tao of Jarid: "Facebook is not a place to publish things you wish to remain private. By its very nature, anything put on here voluntarily is for people to notice, see, and by extension comment or ask about. Getting defensive when asked about something YOU put up in the public domain makes no sense."

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11th September 2010

The tao of Jarid: "Women treat the male gene pool like a real pool. They all jump in and splash around the shallow end in their youth...then wade out to the deeper end as they get older."

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15th September 2010

“Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar [violin] to a gorilla.” - Jim Bishop

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17th September 2010

Taxi driver on the way home today: "You see men? Especially young men like you? You need to eat raw foods. Lemme tell u the other night I was with my gf and no matter WHAT position I put her in...me deya fight fi cum! FIRST time me haffu TRY cum. All when me done, cocky stiff stiff"

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22nd September 2010

Birthdays on facebook are really opportunities for people that never speak to you to subtly say "I care! Don't delete me! Look how I wrote on ur wall!" lol

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23rd September 2010

The tao of Jarid: The lawyer most people know is the American lawyer. That's why lawyers have a bad name. Caribbean lawyers are nothing like their American counterparts (the laws and practices here are vastly different). People should remember that before they band all "lawyers" together.

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23rd September 2010

Listen, I understand that having a BB means that u can talk to anyone at anytime for free, but seriously...10 grown ppl sitting in a room engrossed in their phones not speaking to each other, is ridiculous. What happend to common courtesy, what happened to meeting new people and saying hi to a stranger? Sheesh. U remind me of little kids in church playing their gameboys.

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26th September 2010

U know what I hate? The fact that hypocrisy is so prevalent. Any time you see someone stand up and strongly take a stand against something...9/10 times they do it. If they vehemently denounce homosexuals, 9/10 times, they're sleeping with little boys. Its SO common now, that I never want to take a strong stand against anything, lest ppl think I secretly do it. Chupz.

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The tao of Jarid: For those of you who believe that "no means no, but unconscious means yes".....a prison cell awaits.

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28th September 2010

The legal way of saying “nigga stole my bike”:  “ A human being of the male gender wth black pigmentation on his skin appears 2 have acquired without my consent my 2-wheeled, non-motorized private and/or recreational transportation, also known as "bike", and appears 2 have driven away with said 2-wheeled, non-motorized private and/or recreational transportation, despite my attempt of chasing the said human being, completely ignoring my request 2 give sed item bk” - username iani103. Man, I love my profession.

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1st October 2010

I think women should develop the same "fuck it" mechanism guys have. If there's a baby in the house crying for hours on end...what you will not find is a man around. Y? Cuz we can't fix it and its driving us crazy, so we roll out and go by Tony's house to watch football, i.e. fuk it. More women should do that instead of staying in the stress and snapping and shaking their babies to death or driving them into a river.

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The tao of Jarid: Facebook should have a 'WHO CARES?!?' button....and make my page immune to it.

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2nd October 2010

The tao of Jarid: The more "LMAO"s and "LOLOLOL"s your status contains, the less funny the actual subject matter is. Contrary to popular belief, nothing gets funnier the more you laugh at it by yourself.

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Grown men's fascination with penitentiary pussy confuses me... Sex with it = go to prison. What's the problem? Where's the option? All I see is "Sex with prison". No thanks. That's like the "option" 'get in this dark van so I can drive u to my abandoned cabin in the woods or I shoot you'. All I should be hearing is *gunshot*.

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4th October 2010

The tao of Jarid: Drama vampires are not cool. While the rest of us need food and water to live, these creatures survive solely off drama and other people viewing it. The only effective way to deal with them is to block and delete them from everything. If you can't see their drama, they weaken and die. True story.

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“I think when you put sex and spirituality in the same bottle and shake it up, bad things happen. Yes, I said I kissed a girl. But I didn’t say I kissed a girl while f-ing a crucifix.” - Katy Perry (on why she dislikes Lady Gaga’s music video for ‘Alejandro’) 

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5th October 2010

"This is my facade of civility; do not mistake for complacency, for once this veil is taken down, you'll see a vicious turn around...of all you grew to know and love...the hand lying beneath the glove.... An animal living in a shell. A beast who's come to raise all hell."

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6th October 2010

The tao of Jarid: Forget CNN, BBC or any other news organisation....nowhere else are world issues more discussed than on YouTube's comments section

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8th October 2010

You are one person, out of 7 billion people, on one planet, out of 8 planets, in one solar system out of a hundred billion solar systems, in one galaxy out of a hundred billion galaxies.......you are ENORMOUSLY insignificant, and don't let facebook ever make you forget that. [De-motivational Speech for the day]

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11th October 2010

Anybody remember when they FIRST came on fb YEARS ago? How it used to be? How Fb made hi5 look like the social networking ghetto? It was so clean and neat and classy. "Jarid Hewlett", likes, interests, lil about myself. Send ur friends who u havent seen since primary school messages. It was a magical innocent time. Why did you people have to rape facebook? Why?

-

Now? as NC17 says, no more "Jarid Hewlett", we have "Jarid fuckspussyallday Hewlett", we have "What kind of telly tubby would u have sex with?" quizzes, we have people fighting over who their baby's daddy is for the world to see. (Btw when did this shit become acceptable? Not knowing which guy ejaculated inside and impregnated you is something people used to be ashamed of and settle in private...why is it cool to broadcast this now?), we have break ups where guys blatantly put their numbers under "X is no longer in a relationship"..... What happened to CLASS??? I understand they don't teach that in school, but they bloody well should. No one comes on fb to keep in touch with people anymore. And the ones that do, spend 20% of their total fb time doing that. The rest of us laugh or bow our heads in sadness at the ridiculous shit people post. I'm black and I hate racists and racism, but goddamn it....sometimes, as much as I hate to admit it.....I see where they're coming from. <sigh>

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15th October 2010

♫ We're going out tonight...to kick out every light, take anything we want, drink everything in sight, we're going till the world stops turning while we burn it to the ground tonight! ♫ - ‘Burn it to the ground’, Nickelback

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21st October 2010

The tao: Men get bitter, just as women do. The difference is, a bitter woman will say "fuck men" and never have sex again. A bitter man will say "fuck women" and do just that.

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26th October 2010

The tao: "All inclusive" does not mean "free cheap rum and vodka with juice". Stop the false advertising.

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27th October 2010

The tao: Having high standards doesn't necessarily exempt you from whoredom. While we all agree that having low to no standards makes one a ho, having high, meaningless standards makes one a ho too. "I only sleep with guys that drive BMWs" is a high standard. It is not a substantive standard.

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♫ And who do you think you are? Running round leaving scars....Collecting your jar of hearts, tearing love apart........You’re gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside your soul.........So don’t come back for me, who do you think you are? ♫  - ‘Jar of Hearts’, Christina Perri

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28th October 2010

"Labour all de way"? "UPP all de way?".....come on, man. I'm "all the way" with whoever makes Antigua a better country. Politics has come to mean arbitrary following of a party that makes your immediate life better regardless of the long term. Don't even get me started on 'patriotism'.

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31st October 2010

The tao: He who is slow to anger gets annoyed the longest.

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1st November 2010

♫....you just hurt my goddamn feelings, and that was the last one I had ♫ - ‘Here we go’, Eminem

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2nd November 2010

Lawyer talk: My Lord, my client was not anywhere near the building when the window was broken, and if he was, he did not break the window, and if he did break the window, he did so by accident, and if he didn't break it by accident, it wasn't the complainant's window, and if it was their window, it was their fault for putting it where my client throws stones.

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8th November 2010

Mr. Kartel, you sir, have lied to me.....apparently women do not want a man whose "buddy long like a thousand match stick line up"....apparently that hurts and more than 90% of it will be outside anyway. You have misled me sir, and I demand an apology.

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10th November 2010

On a serious note.....which do you think is more "loving" and less "heartless"? (Option A) Being in a relationship and cheating gratuitously on your significant other? Or (Option B) breaking up with your significant other who probably didn't see it coming, because you want to sleep with someone else?

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11th November 2010

The tao: No one really sees anything. Everyone thinks they see something. I might think I see a pudgy, ugly woman, you might think you see a curvy goddess. Who knows whats actually there...The difference between sane and insane people is that insane people are just a little more creative with what they think they see....and nothing can change their mind.

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14th November 2010

The tao: If someone tells you something you don't understand, don't repeat it. It might have been wisdom when they told you...but after your brain is done with it, there's a high chance it comes back out as crap.

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15th November 2010

"You're Cuban AND Jamaican?? That's a really.....illegal mix, lol. So you speak Spanish and bloodclaat?" - Mike Yard (*dead*)

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17th November 2010

The tao: One should never let emotions get in the way of reality. Sometimes people just don't appreciate you no matter how you feel about them. That's ok. Someone does.

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19th November 2010

♫ Well I'm a poet to some, a regular modern day Shakespeare.....Jesus Christ, the King of these latter day saints here ♫ - ‘Renegade’, Jay-Z & Eminem

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25th November 2010

The tao: Whenever you think "don't let a good thing pass you by"....remember that many things are only good now BECAUSE you let them pass you by at first. Don't be afraid to let go.

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26th November 2010

"If my wanting to see you was on a scale of 1-10.....I'd still say no". It takes a while to fully appreciate just how horrible this statement is.

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27th November 2010

U know what I just realized..?..The first time I listened to the Marshall Mathers LP was on *cassette*...in my * Walkman*....that Michael Henry had copied for me.....I'm gonna reserve my rocking chair in the old folks home from now, see...

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The tao: Stop saying "I'm just me". Everyone is just them. If you choose to be someone who tries to be like other people, that's still who you are. You are just a personalityless ninny, but it's still who YOU are. You can't ever be anything else but you. "I'm just me" is like saying "I breathe oxygen". No shit.

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♫ Me start da day wit a flask, cranberry an ice inna glass....satellite can't find me me lost....buy me own liquor cuz me a me own boss....drink fi drunk dat me endorse....OH ♫ - ‘Rum & Red Bull’, Beenie Man &Future Fambo

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30th November 2010

Seriously....if I read one more comment under a political story with someone urging people to "wake up", I'm going to slap somebody. I always find it fascinating that politics turns otherwise sensible people into jackasses. "Belief is the enemy of reality".

-

Lesbians have life so easy.....girls are very gay normally, lol. Dressing in front of each other, dancing up with one another, feeling up one another etc.....you could pretty much spend ur whole life being a lesbian and no one would ever know once u lie every now and again about some boy u find hot.

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"The fact is governments deal with the United States because it's in their interest, not because they like us, not because they trust us and not because they think we can keep secrets," - US Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. If that's not gangsta, I dunno what is...

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2nd December 2010

♫ I love my life....none a we don't know wey tomorrow might bring cuz the future deh hours away...so me go live my life today...me ah live my life today...so lowe me mek me talk what me want fi talk, me have nuff fi say...so me go live my life today...me ah go live my life today ♫ - ‘I love my life’, Demarco

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7th December 2010

The tao: Never overestimate the power of friendship.

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9th December 2010

♫ De boy ketch me a stamp up him gyal postcard....want arrest me but....him anna sarge....he nah stop tell me how him a camouflage....never voice ya hear from him vocal cord because.....a we mek nuff man start drink Guinness ♫ - ‘A we’, Hawkeye

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11th December 2010

The tao: The next time someone you thought you mattered to lets you down, always remember that its not their fault you don't have better friends.

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17th December 2010

Men beware: "Your mouth says no, but your eyes say yes" will never ever stand up in court.

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19th December 2010

The tao: Stop bitching about the 'true meaning' of Christmas. People like presents. Deal with it.

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21st December 2010

The tao: Put on a jamaican accent and include "bloodclaat" or "bumboclaat" and any sentence becomes five times funnier. E.g. "Where are u going, u unhygienic homosexual?" "Yow, a where dis dutty skin, yellow teet, shitty draws BUMBOCLAAT battybwoy a go?" Same message. Five times funnier.

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25th December 2010

The tao: "I have a boyfriend".........."Babes....you can have ALL the boyfriends you want...not "a", not "some".....ALL.....me still want u". - This conversation will always go like this. Saying you have a boyfriend is not a substitute for saying no.

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30th December 2010

New year new me! "Are u getting a sex change?" What? no..... "Are you changing careers?" Um..no.. "Are you radically overhauling your entire personality?" Not really... "Shut up and sit down"

Hi all, first time posting to Reddit so sorry in advance if I ramble or do something wrong. Ill try and make this as brief and clear as possible.Some background to paint a self portrait. I'm a 25(m) and work in sales for a large distributor. I've always struggled with self esteem issues, so trying to figure out if someone is into me has always been a chore. I'm by no means a Debbie Downer about myself, I actually like to think I exude confidence and don't care about other peoples opinions. But deep down I have a real bad self-image of myself.With that in mind, I know I for sure bring some good qualities to the table. I have a decent job, I live in a house with a room mate that we purchased, i'm independent, I've got a good group of friends and a great personality. Don't want to toot my on horn, but I like to think of myself as pretty funny. I make most people I meet laugh in some way or another, and the coworker I am into is no exception. Lets get to her, I mean that's what i'm here to do after all.Ill try and describer her as best I can, we'll call her Molly. She's a 26(f) single mom with an awesome little dude for a son. The dad is still in the picture as far as a dad goes and from what I can gather from her telling me, hes not a bad dad at all. Maybe a not-so-great guy in general, but a decent dad nonetheless. Physically shes a very short and petite girl, and very in shape. I only mention this because I currently rock a dad bod (not a dad though), and I think this is one reason I debate shooting my shot or not. Our physical differences are pretty, well, different. I'm working to improve myself physically but it's a slow process. Her personality though, is almost identical to mine. We're both very sarcastic people and can easily pick fun at each other and others as well as receive it. Hopefully that's enough about each of us individually for you all to get an idea, if not let me know and I can elaborate further.Now I'll chat about our friendship thus far. We've been friends just about as long as we've worked at the same company, so about 2.5 years. The first time we hung out outside of work, I asked her if she wanted to grab sushi and she said yes. I didn't call it a date out loud but I like to think it was somewhat implied. After the first little bit of the typical awkwardness, we chatted about the usual topics 2 people talk about, what're you into outside of work, favorite music, etc etc. We found out we share a lot in common in that sense, especially music taste (alternative/punk rock). After sushi we started hanging out more frequently, usually every other weekend when she didn't have her son. There was a lull for some time where we didn't but we still talked quite a bit at work over IM. Recently we've picked back up hanging out.Alright, I guess now I'll talk about why I think (and hope) shes into me, strap in because I think this will be where the bulk of my story is. Right off the top of my head, a lot of the times we'll hang out it's because she asks. It's never "oh hey me and some friends are going out, you should come", it's "hey if you're free this weekend we should go downtown for some drinks or do dinner." I may be reading into it way too much, but they always feel kinda like dates. I've got a couple of examples I think may tip the scales one way or the other. On one occasion, she texted me around 8pm asking what I was doing, I told her the usual, hanging out at home watching TV. She asked if I had wanted to hang out and I of course said "yea, what do you have in mind?". Now, previously we had talked about me not knowing how to play many card games (think like poker and Texas hold'em). So she asked if I wanted to come over and play, she'd teach me how to play. Bare in mind this is 8 almost 9pm by the time I get to her place, all to just sit and play cards together. Which is what we did, we played some card game I had never played before and talked about our lives. She and I both hadn't known each other too long at this point but she told me some really deep stuff about her past and I reciprocated. And that was that, I left around 11pm. I for sure thought this was a weird happening but didn't know what to make of it. On another occasion, I picked her up for dinner one night, we went, had a drink or 2, and had a great time. I drove her home of course, parked in front of her apartment for about 5 minutes to chat and she got out. I was driving away and just as I left her apartment gate, got a text saying "you could have come in lol". I'm not one to invite myself in, anywhere. I didn't know how to respond and just said something along the lines of "oh haha I didn't want to invite myself in" and left it at that.Now those are just 2 instances I can think of right off the top of my head but there are a few more small things that lead me to believe this happening may be a possibility. Whenever we're driving somewhere together she always wants to DJ what we listen to so I let her. She'll often play a lot of songs about love, or relationships, or whatnot. I try to just think of it as a random selection but I don't know if it is. Specifically though, she always plays this one song Jon Bellions "All Time Low". If you haven't heard it, give it a listen, its a great song! It's also a somewhat sappy love-type song. We have a little inside joke everywhere we go there's live music where we go "I wonder if the DJ here knows that song." I once recently asked her why she plays that song all the time and she said "I don't know, its a really good song and I only play it around..." and then she trailed off and wouldn't finish her sentence. Now I know, I may be overthinking this totally but I like to think she was going to say "around you." Alright, last little tidbit I'll give you all. There's one thing we do when we go out where we'll pretend to get into a fake little "couple fight" to make other people around us go "wtf?". Nothing ever crazy, just gives us a laugh. Often, a host/hostess will be seating us and say something like "oh you 2 can sit on the same side of the booth if you want." I'll usually blurt out "we're not together" out of just general awkwardness. One or two times I've done this though she's jokingly said "oh i thought this was a date" and laugh it off. There was also a time one of our fake couple fights was something about me not caring for her anymore and she goes "you won't even hold my hand in public!". We just laughed at the strange stares passerby's gave us.Oh!! One more thing, and I promise I'm done! Within the passed month, I noticed she was on Tinder because I'm also on Tinder and saw her profile. Now, you need to note this girl has 0 social media and has sworn she'd never use a dating site because of the horror stories she's heard. So I was definitely surprised when I saw her. I took note of her Tinder bio, and texted her a little snippit of it making fun of her. She cracked up, told me she finally broke and wanted to see what it was about. She also told me she'd probably deleting it soon as well because nasty dudes were being, well, nasty dudes. I told her I totally understand that but if you delete before I get my match notification, I'll take it personally, in a joking manner. She said something along the lines of "oh no, you found my profile, I am for SURE looking for yours." A day later I IMed her at work and let her know I still had not gotten a match notification. She told me she had spent 2 hours the night before swiping left on dudes endlessly looking for me. I told her not to worry about it, I was joking, and I'm sure there are plenty more dudes to go through that women. She shortly deleted later that day after being fed up with the grossness. I, in the mean time however, had matched with someone else on Tinder and brought it up to her. This girl I had matched was pregnant, but that stuff doesn't bother me. Now Molly seemed a lot more interested in this Tinder match than I. She asked me on 2 separate occasions "so how would that work if you guys start seeing each other and she has the kid?". I responded honestly "I don,t mind, Id help with this kid if she wanted me to or just stay out of it that's what she wanted." I talked to Tinder match for about a week and a half, and daily to semi-daily, Molly would ask how she was. I'd say fine, I'm not really vibing with her but ill give her a shot. Luckily I never had to, because she found someone else on Tinder ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. No sweat off my back, but I found it odd Molly asked about her a lot.Alright Reddit, that,s my story. I'll end with this, I really REALLY like this girl, not just your usual run of the mill crush. That's why i'm petrified of coming out and telling her how I feel. Plus, lets say my guts wrong and i'm looking into this all wrong, it would make work pretty damn awkward. Looking back on this as my first post it looks like I wrote a small novel so I get if no one reads this or reads it in full. Typing this all up is kind a of a good way for me to reflect. But id really enjoy some second opinions and advise if you have time. Sorry again for any error or wall of text! If you need any other info just let me know :) thanks!​ via /r/dating_advice

THEY CALL ME CLEO

Alright, lets take this slow. I’ve had a love/hate relationship with blogging throughout the years. I love writing and I am definitely one of those annoying people that say ‘its just so therapeutical for me.’ I will start a blog, pour my heart into it, feel too exposed, then delete it. Rinse and repeat. And my first post (for the ninth time) always starts off just like this. My name is Samantha and I’m addicted to life. “Hi Samantha” (*AA meeting unison voice*). The good, the bad and the all too ugly; I love every minute of every second of life. Reverse that. (Oh, and just for the new reader, I never delete anything when I write. I feel like it takes away the authenticity, the purity, the most therapeutical part of writing.) I’ll spare you tons of cliches, just enter your version of ‘Live. Laugh. Love.’ here. My sister hates that phrase. Like all, life isn't always easy, but if there’s one thing my journey has taught me, its that there is beauty in everything. I look back and even during the hardest times, times where I was literally living in 15 minute increments, I was learning some of the richest lessons of life, and that, in turn, is beautiful. 

I’ve always been in love with big city lights. Maybe its because of watching the intro to Saturday Night Life as a kid as I struggled to stay awake past 10PM or maybe its because I grew up in a small town…really can't tell you why. But I always have and I do. I always knew I was bigger than my hometown. There was nothing wrong with growing up there, Im actually glad I had the accountability that a small town offers. I feel like I would have died already or gotten myself into serious trouble if I grew up in a place as fast as LA. LA + wild child = no good. I pictured myself like Carry Bradshaw from Sex and the City, single, living in an overpriced, too cluttered flat downtown somewhere, working a dream job, spending my off time with friends and going on tons of first dates. I love everything about dates, but I think I love getting ready the most. I put music on just a little too loud and dance around as my foundation dries. I love feeling confident and sexy. I love being overdressed and usually aim for it. And, of course, I love having a good time. I use to be more of a ‘center of attention’ person when I was younger, but as I’ve grown up, I find myself playing the roll of ‘pretty quiet girl’ or, more accurately, ‘pretty quiet girl whose always making out with her boyfriend.’ Yep, Im in that kind of relationship. Some couples get drunk in public and fight. When we drink, we turn into ranging hormonal teenagers about to loose their virginity with a crowd of our friends around. We get told to go home often. I definitely see how it can be annoying, Im annoyed just writing about it. My boyfriend…my boyfriend is all that is right in the world. I definitely feel like he's a gift. I could talk about him all day, every day and still feel like I haven't  explained enough how amazing he is. Im sure my cheesy corn corn self will dedicate many posts to him in the future, so I’ll spare you in this first writing. Besides him, there are only a few other heavy hitters in my life. One, of course, is my big sister. She's pretty rad too. 

My paradise is 850 square feet, but the love inside could cover the world. I love my job, but do not know if its my end game yet. I don't eat meat and have a real bone to pick with the mega meat industries, those cruel, deceiving swine. Pink is my favorite color, followed by black and glitter. Never pink & black together though, its so juvenile. I am a temperature person. When it comes to food, if its suppose to hot, I want it steaming. If its suppose to be cold, I want frost. I hardly ever eat room temperature foods like chips (every now and then I get a hot cheeto craving). As for the weather, Im in love with the sun. I don't think it could ever be too hot. I love laying out and feeling the rays bake my skin. I strongly dislike the cold only because I have reynaouds disease and lose the circulation in my extremities and it can be very painful. I believe in God, but I don't know too much after that. My favorite feature is my eyes, just kidding its my booty. I love vodka and have a weird obsession with teeth and dentistry. Im an aries so I get into these phases. Right now Im really into exotic fruit, goat cheese, and school. Tomorrows my first day! Ive been on spring break since ‘14 and Im finally at a good, stable place in life and I am so excited to get back to achieving my goals. Its very humbling to see all the young kids around me, but in a good way. Stilettos, Choo, pumps…anything other than the word ‘high heels.’ It just seems so primitive to me. ‘Sam hungry’ ‘high heels’ like, can we not? Judge Judy is my jam. I definitely love cooking a lot more than I ever have. Im in the middle of planning my sister’s baby shower and I can't be more excited. Pharmaceutical companies are right up there with the meat guys on the list of my Most Strongly Disliked. I try my hardest to not use the word ‘hate’. I love reading and enjoy a good book over going out sometimes. Its a passion Im glad my mother passed down to me. I want to get better at documenting life because it goes by so quickly. Maybe that how this all started…

Nevertheless, I think Im done for today. Just setting up the blog was exhausting itself. I actually went with word press first since tumblr is like for tweens, but word press wasn't user friendly at all, or maybe its just me…dammit. I have to pick my love up from his final four fantasy draft event in a couple hours. He will most likely have a few beers in him, thats when he's the funniest. Grilled cheese from In and Out is on the menu for tonight, but I think Ill make myself a goat cheese and olive plate right now. Oh, with some hot tea my sister sent me! Aw that sounds pleasant. Goodbye endless abyss that is the internet. Until next time. 

hi! im a huge fan of your long haul fic and i remember you saying you had a few deleted scenes you could post if asked? Could you? Your writing is my favourite! lots of love

awww thanks anon

oh and its ambiguously 1859 fanservicey ish hahahha.imo dealing with a drunk person is very not sexy but i know the shipper mindset HAHAHAAH 

its about 3k words long so pls click the readmore to get all of it! if its less than 3k and you dont see the readmore you might need to view the post on my blog

===/\===

“Goodevening Gale!”

FUCK gokudera shot out of his chair SCRAMBLEAGAIN Hibari’s going to kill him

Hibari looks up from the floor and dragshimself two steps to the sofa and stretches out there.

Well, looks like gokudera’s just given him afree pass to the sofa then. Shit next thing you know gokudera’ll be sleeping inthe bathtub.

“Hello!” she says and she breezes in as soonas gokudera opened the door.

“Hi Ma’am, Angel, uh, Kaoru’s sleeping.”

“Oh whoops, sorry,” she said, and she creptover to check. “Wow, he looks super young like this!”

Was hibari actually sleeping haha no waydumb question.

“Hey Gale hon, what’s this?” thelandlord asked, picking up the photo of the Costeggiarefamily member bastard son they’d been having trouble looking for since thebombing

Dropped on the floor, the picture ofDario/duilio which hibari kept in his pocket.

Shit shit shit, cover story quick.

“Well, right now we’re looking for thatguy. Hoping to interview him. You know him from somewhere?“ 

“Oh yeah, hon. He’s a regular at mywork for two months now, sometimes comes on too strong to the staff or othercustomers, but he spends big, so,” she shrugged. “What can Ido?”

The door opened and Hibari dropped his keyson the table before turning to lock the door. “Kaoru,” Gokuderacalled. The dark haired man looked up from where he was taking off his outdoorshoes.

Hibari opened an eye. When it was convenientfor him huh, bastard.

“Where,” he asked, sitting up.

“good morning Kaoru,” she says. He eyes herfunny, then dips his head.

“Angel found our mark,” headded in Japanese.

“Who?” Hibari asked. Gokuderawaved the photo of the Costeggiare familymember. “Not that,” Hibari said. Gokudera rolled his eyes. Why was heunsurprised by Hibari not bothering to remember who Angel was when she’d beenwaltzing in and out ever since they started the mission? “Thelandlady.”

“I see,” Hibari answered,setting the shopping on the kitchen counter and walking over to the table. Hemet the landlady’s eyes.

“Boungiourno,”he greeted stiffly before turning back to Gokudera. “Where.” Herepeated.

“He is a regular at herworkplace,” Gokudera said, passing Hibari the photo.

“you can speak Italian just fine why don’tyou ask her”

“people say a lot when they think you don’tunderstand them,” hibari answered irritably. “Where.”

“Say Angel, you never said exactly where youwork.”

“Well, it’s not an uppity sort of place.” She bites her painted lip. “aw hell with it.It’s a dance place. We have girls dance on tabletops if you know what I mean.”

“ah,” gokudera says. “should be fun. For meat least.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” thelandlady said, pointing at Hibari. “That guy in the photo? He’s a regularof one of our girls, and she looks a lot like you. You know, exotic, pale, darkhair, dark eyes,” she added helpfully. Hibari looked at Gokudera.

“You should really stop pretendingthat you don’t understand Italian,” there’s no way im actually goingto translate for you, Gokudera said dryly. Hibari smirked.

“If that’s true, then I’ll bite him todeath,” Hibari said, eyes sparking with anticipation, completely ignoringGokudera’s input. It looked like his weeks of boredom were over, and he didn’teven have to resort to visiting the Chiavarone house.

“If it helps, he stops by to watch Kikievery Friday night– Kiki’s that dancer Kaoru-san looks like– and he alwayssits in booth twelve. She comes on at eight, so if you boys get there a bitearlier, you could get yourselves a seat nearby.”

Hibari stands gracefully, one fluid motionand is already walking to the kitchen.

“Ask the landlord if he wantstea.” He says, businesslike.

“That’s nice of you,” gokudera says,trying and failing to keep his incredulous tone out of his voice.

"If you don’t tip informants, you won’thave informants.” Hibari said, and he put the kettle on.

Gokudera sighed. Of course Hibari would beso mercenary. "He wants to know if you would like tea.“ He tellsAngel and he laughs

"Oh, so all I had to do to getKaoru-san to open up was to invite him to the club? "Sure, I’d lovetea.”“ she laughed. And gokudera winced laughed along. A club is thelast place hibari would want to be. He is crossing his fingers that that nightwont be a disaster.

"And I think I’ll need another coffee,I need to run more background.” Gokudera calls to him

“Milk?”

Wow that’s amazing.

“No thanks, it’s two already.”

“Oh, and no offense if you alreadyknow this, but just tell Kaoru-san, because he doesn’t look like he’s ever beento a club in his life. STRIP CLUB ETTIQUETTE

Alright boys, now the real reason I’m here,

Right, gokudera pulls her money from hiswallet, exact amount, and she drinks her tea. Hibari doesn’t even comment onthe lipstick stain.

Well, see you boys [tonight] then! She saysand leaves. Clack clack lack of her boots on the way to the lift. Gokudera andhibari and chiavarone are the only weirdos who take the stairs.

Gokudera drinks his coffee and marvels athis luck.

Hibari washes the cups.

"Not bad, miser,” Hibari saidbefore he disappeared into the room, and the clack of plastic on wood meantthat he had gotten his laptop out.

Good morning Tenth. It’s a day of goddamnmiracles. –59

Heh. Good to hear, Gokudera-kun—27 

===/\===

The good streak of course couldn’t last.

“We need to come off as young, cockyfirst floor trash so he won’t take us too seriously, got it?”

“Yes,” Hibari said, and Gokuderacould hear the eye rolling in his voice. at least he was still replying? Butnow gokudera wasn’t sure if hibari would LISTEN and what’s the use of aconfirmation that might not actaly be what he means.

“I’m serious,” Gokudera said, using everyounce of self-control to not snap at him. “I want us to look so young that weget carded.”

There we go. Hibari’s stopped answering.

Gokudera wore an amalgamation of his clothesfrom his high school days and his current wardrobe. The button down was Galeand the three belts and the graphic tee were all teenage-Gokudera.

Hibari wore a full suit, crisp black overdeep purple and perfectly tailored. Gokudera was this close to introducing hisown face to the coffeetable.

“Are you really going to a club dressedlike that?” Gokudera asked incredulously. 

… Yes “This is how I normallydress,” Hibari answered, frowning. 

You know what kind of club this is?

… a looooong pause.

“Well, there’s your problem,”Gokudera said under his breath. “Why don’t you just break out your shinycredit cards and get yourself a clubbing outfit?”

Hibari observed him for a moment. “Idon’t want to,” he answered simply. 

Coffeetable was too far. Gokudera put hisdespairing head into his hand.

“Dammit, just change, I don’t want towalk into any club if you’re wearing that,” Gokudera sighed, running onehand through his hair. Hibari raised an eyebrow as if he truly believed that asuit was the perfect attire to go to a strip club in while undercover.

“Change to what.”

Oh dear lord all the talk about dressingHibari up was going to become a real thing. Maybe he could shoot himself andget this over with.

“Alright, I’ll see if I can work a miraclewith your closet,“ Gokudera sighed, walking over to the window side of theroom and opening the bedside drawer. A quick rummage proved that yes,everything was office shirts and black suit wear. So Hibari wearing the purpleshirt with the suit was his idea of interesting. Gokudera closed the drawer.

"Looks like you don’t have much ofchoice,” Gokudera said, looking over Hibari’s outfit once more.

Lose the jacket and tie,“ he directed,but Hibari’s eyes just narrowed in defiance.

"Work with me here, damn you,”Gokudera cursed, walking over to the other bedside drawer and pulling out a fewaccessories of his own. Looking at Hibari then at the items he’d laid out, hepicked a fang on a black leather strip and an accompanying leather wristband.

“This is stupid,” Hibari intoneddryly, unbuttoning his top button. His blazer and tie were draped over thechair, and his sleeves had been rolled up. Without the extra padding of hissuit, his slight build was obvious, barely changed from his middle school days.Still, with an aura that fierce, it was unlikely he’d have too much trouble.Besides, any story that involved Hibari getting picked on in a strip club wouldbound to be interesting to tell to the guys back in Japan. 

“One more button,” Gokudera toldhim, before turning to look for a suitable belt. “And wear those,” headded, waving absently at the pieces he laid out on the bed. “Andthis,” he added as he pulled out a belt. It had two teeth and metaleyelets in twos, with another strap hanging from it like half suspenders.

“That would be a liability,”Hibari critiqued as he fastened the wristband on his left wrist. 

“Just wear it and give the poor suckerswho try to make trouble with you a fighting chance,” Gokudera snickered,closing the drawer. Hibari scoffed quietly as he removed the belt he wascurrently wearing.

“A straightjacket would be moreappropriate,” Hibari said, threading Gokudera’s belt around his waist andcomfortably cinching it at the innermost set of eyelets. 

“Nice to know that the cloud guardianof Vongola is a humble man,” Gokudera remarked cynically.

Hibari bowed his head in humourous? Assent.

If you wear your boots we’re good to go. No,wait there a second.“ Gokudera stepped into the bathroom to grab some hairwax. He passed it to Hibari, who looked at it then gave Gokudera a deadpan lookas if to ask ‘and what do you expect me to do with this?’

"Style your hair a bit,” Gokuderatold him. At Hibari’s blank look, Gokudera decided that it wasn’t any goodexplaining. He grabbed the bottle and opened it, scooping out just a littlewith his fingers. “Now stay still and for the love of God, don’t goberserk on me, alright?”

Hibari flinched and glared as Gokudera’shands came up to his head, but otherwise took the fussing well.

Kind of punk looking. But hey, punk’s notdead right. Yeah.

“Hah, not bad,” Gokuderacongratulated himself. 

“Disgusting,” Hibari commented, ashe touched his hair lightly, the slightly sticky texture of the waxbrushing off on his fingers.

“boots. Boots, lets go.”

Angel worked in walking distance in the notso nice part of town. Hibari was more acquainted with the place than Gokuderaexpected. Two turns later and he slowed.

“C’mon it’s almost time.”

“What is this place?” Hibariasked, stopping in his tracks. From the neon lit street, booming music and theunmistakable noise of throngs of people emerged. Gokudera sighed, and turned.

“That’s Angel’s bar.” When Hibarimade no sign of recognition, Gokudera elaborated. “The landlord’sworkplace.”

“There’s a crowd,” Hibari stated,refusing to carry on walking. 

“Yes, it’s a Friday night, but this isalso work, so let’s go.”

“If I go anywhere near that place, it’sto bite everyone there to death,” Hibari said, mouth curling into a silentsnarl. 

“Well, suck it up. This is work.”

Hibari walked at a steady pace, cut throughthe crowd and Gokudera had to follow.

Second floor less so. They didn’t actuallyget carded. Gokudera was much disappoint.

Murderous aura and the nearest patronslooked nervous.

“Just be glad we’re in a booth.”

Kiki wasn’t on yet, but Bambi was. Or atleast that’s what she said her name was. Bambi was a sultry brunette withshoulder length hair and hazel eyes. Gold glitter painted stripes and spotsdown her back, arms and legs, highlighting the tan skin. 

“You just missed me, handsome,” she says toyou. you smile and wave.

“Next time then,” you say casually. You areso not good with women especially when they don’t have all their clothes on.You blame your sister.

“Hey, we booked this booth,” someone saysbehind you.

“Oh?” Hibari says and he’s spoiling for afight so hard that you level a warning glance at him instead of turning to seewho it was.

“Let the boys stay,” an amusedvoice. 

Goddamn, Dario himself. He looked IDK HOWDOES HE LOOK WHO ARE HIS GOONIES

Hibari’s grin was wicked.

“I’m Darren,” he lies smoothly. MIGHT WANTTO CHANGE HIS ALIAS.

“Kaoru,” Hibari said. 

“Is that your real name?”

Hibari gave the man a look. Whut you smokingbruh

He laughed. “Could I buy you adrink?”

“No need, I have a tab open.”

“I insist.”

“Then, if you must.”

Kiki was a petite woman, with raven hairspilling freely over her shoulders down to her waist. She didn’t look anything like Hibari, she was justAsian.

If this guy had yellow fever you were goingto laugh your ass off.

===/\===

(missing scene)

“Don’t touch me.”“What’s wrong with you?”“It was crowded. And noisy. There was something in my cranberry juice.That man kept talking to me and I couldn’t kill anyone. I hate that place. Youcan go alone next time, pervert.”

“He’s a pervert. You’re a pervert too.” Hibari’s eyes narrowed.“I should bite you to death.”“Yeah, yeah, tomorrow alright? Just try to stay conscious until we reachthe house." "Wait,” Hibari said, suddenly throwing his weight back.“What?” Gokudera asked tiredly. “Outside clothes, don’t touch the bed, herbivore,” Hibari mumbled disjointedly. “Nice to know you follow your own rules,” Gokudera sighed, pullingdown the bedcovers and dumping Hibari on the bed. “I said not to touch the bed,” Hibari protested, sitting up. Gokuderagave him a light shove and collapsed on the bed himself.“Shut up and go to sleep,” Gokudera said, words muffled by thesheets. He couldn’t even be bothered to get his pillow from the couch outside.He fully expected some sort of retort or a threat from Hibari, but none came,testament to how far gone the other man was. Yawning, Gokudera decided hazilythat he would take whatever nonsense he’d get for ‘crowding’ the bed and justwent to sleep where he was.

===/\===

Gokudera woke like a man struggling not todrown in molasses, slowly, with a lot of effort and a little pain. He hadn’tdrawn the curtains the night before and he was in a strange place betweenfeeling ‘rested’ and ‘like crap’. He’d slept on his front last night and therewas a kink in his neck as due punishment. Of course, there was also the matterof him smelling like sweat, cheap perfume, alcohol and cigarette smoke. It wasamazing that Hibari hadn’t just thrown him out the window for daring to so muchas touch the bed in this state.

Gokudera turned to his side to stretch andfroze. Hibari hadn’t rudely kicked him out of bed, not from some sense ofgratitude for Gokudera hauling him back from the club, but because he hadn’t woken up yet. Gokudera gaped atthe thought, but before his eyes was the undeniable.

Hibari was curled up on his side, back tothe light, and face shielded by the crook of his elbow. Gokudera felt a grinbreak through his usual morning grogginess. The sight was almost endearing,except this was Hibari, and the onlythings associated with Hibari and the word ‘endearing’ were either a highlyintelligent messenger bird that could be carrying a spy-cam that sealed yourdoom or a personalised box weapon that could decimate an army and reduce askyscraper to rubble within five minutes. Gokudera could almost see thehedgehog curled up in the exact same way as its owner in the empty space nearHibari’s stomach, and Hibird nestled between the man’s wrist and hair. Heresisted the urge to take a photo and send it to the Tenth and got up asquietly as possible. As much amusement as he got from seeing the violentmisanthrope sleeping all tucked into a ball, photographic evidence wasn’t worththe broken bones he knew he would get afterwards. Hibari appeared in the doorway of the bedroom, arms full of sheets. He took onelook at Gokudera and the landlord sitting at the kitchen counter, then steppedback into the room and shut the door.“Oh my, I think that’s the first time I’ve ever seen him half dressed,”she commented. Then she gave Gokudera a knowing smile. “Changing thesheets are we? Good going." "Ah, yeah,” Gokudera tried to smile casually while mentally screamingno. She must have picked up on Gokudera’s uneasiness, because she patted hisarm reassuringly. “Be more confident, sweetie. You’re good looking, smart and you have awonderful disposition. You’re a right saint,” she smiled.“Besides,” she whispered. “I don’t think anyone but you has thepatience to deal with his temper.”Gokudera laughed. “You should see our boss,” he replied. Tsunacould smile genuinely all the time while talking Hibari down off a rampage andpersuading the man to do something other than stalk around Namimori or sit inhis house and drink tea. It never failed to amaze Gokudera each and every time.Heck, Tsuna even managed to get Hibari and Mukuro to go on a mission togetherwithout one of them coming back dead.

He placed the plate on top of the glass tofree one hand. “Hibari?” Gokudera asked, knocking on the door.“Go away.”“If you can’t drink, you shouldn’t,” Gokudera said matter-of-factly.He opened the door then took the plate back into his hand, pushing the dooropen the rest of the way with his foot. Hibari was sitting in the tub, water upto his chest and dark hair plastered to his skull. It vaguely reminded Gokuderaof bathing his cat.“Who said you could come in?” Hibari asked, not turning to faceGokudera. “If you’re too out of it to even lock the door, then I’d better come inbefore you drown or something,” Gokudera retorted. “Here.”“Don’t want it,” Hibari muttered without even looking at whatGokudera was holding. “It’s just toast, water and aspirin,” Gokudera said, starting to getannoyed. “How badly could I fuck up toast?" "I’m not going to eat in the bath,” Hibari said, leaning against theside of the wall and grimacing. “Leave it outside.”“Seriously, you alright?” Gokudera felt the need to ask again. “Must I bite you to death before you are convinced?” Hibari snipped. “Hah, you must be fine if you’re making threats. Don’t drown, bastard.”