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bl00dgutsgl0ry · 3 years

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Let Me Feel You For a While

Pairing - Zhongli x Fem!Reader

Warnings - 18+ NSFW SMUT DO NOT INTERACT IF YOU ARE A MINOR PLEASE!!! Breeding kink (im sorry), slight blood, marking/biting, accidental voyeurism? THIGH RIDING YES PLEASE, AND SHARP TEETH MAKE ME DROOL. Oh btw spoilers for the Farewell Archaic Lord I think? General spoiler warning for genshin.

Word Count - 1.7k.

Other Comments - You guys have NO IDEA how much I love Zhongli oh my god I love him. I slept on him at first but ever since my eyes were opened I realized how wrong I was for that. Anyway enjoy!!

@sadpsychologist @barbqtos

Zhongli had money, he was just dumb and never brought it with him; too used to the routine of just making more Mora if he ever needed to buy anything while he was an Archon. This being said, that also meant he had one of the most elaborate bedrooms you’d ever laid eyes on. The room was filled with rich browns and shimmering golds, his bed sheets made from the finest silks. Archons never really slept, which meant the Zhongli had made this room as ethereal as possible just for you.

You were laying across the cold white gold sheets, hair clinging to your forehead from the sweat. Your fingers were dancing around your clit, rubbing harshly at times before dipping into your wet cunt and pumping them in and out roughly. You were so horny it was uncomfortable, and since you had gotten accustomed to your lover's large member, your fingers were doing much for you. You needed something better. You shakily stood from the bed, before kneeling down and pulling out the box and you guys only got into when the two of you were really in the mood. You quickly found what you were looking for, as it was the largest thing in the box. You pulled the dildo out of the box before quickly shoving the box back under your bed.

Zhongli didn’t really like when you took matters into your own hands, as he wanted to always be the one thing that made you melt. He wanted to pleasure you in ways that you never would have imagined. At this point you were quickly pumping the dildo in and out of yourself, lost in the pleasure as you moaned out loudly. You weren’t worried about anyone hearing since you were alone in the house and Zhongli wasn’t going to be home for a while. You can imagine your shock and horror when you opened your eyes to see Zhongli standing in the doorway, dick already straining hard against the large man’s dress pants.

“Ah you finally noticed my presence.” Your face was even redder when those words left his lips. How long had he been standing there watching you fuck yourself roughly with the large silicone tool. You let out a low whimper, beginning to pump the object in and out of yourself again, too worked up to be embarrassed. You heard Zhongli chuckle lightly before the loud sounds of his dress shoes against the hardwood floor could be heard. You felt Zhongli’s gloved hands halt your movements before brushing your hand away and pulling the dildo out, setting it aside for cleaning at a later time. Soft desperate whimpers falling from your mouth as your chest heaved up and down. Zhongli pressed soft kisses to your face, his gloved hands running up and down your naked body, brushing against your nipples causing you to jolt.

“You’re so sensitive my dear.” Your hands were looking for purchase on any part of his body, finally landing on his strong biceps. You squeezed his arms hard, wiggling around and continuing to whimper.

“Nothing feels as good as you Zhongli, please… please help me. Fill me Zhongli, stuff me.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, your lips swollen from chewing on them.

“Well it looked like you were having a good time with the dildo sweetheart.” Warm embarrassment bloomed in your chest and you desperately tried to pull Zhongli down by his collar. Zhongli’s lips attacked your, passionately biting at yours, Zhongli’s sharp canines drawing blood before he swiped it away with a quick flick of his tongue.

He continued this assault on your flesh as he went lower. He made sure to mark you anywhere that was visible, it made his pride swell when he saw you walking around Liyue trying and failing to cover up bitemarks and deep purple hickies. Zhongli pulled back to admire his work, before propping himself up on the edge of the bed. Strong arms manhandled you, forcing you to straddle his thigh. You blushed profusely when you realized what Zhongli wanted you to do.

“But- but your pants Zhongli, I don’t want to ruin them…” A small smile and eyes filled with pure admiration poured into yours. He carded his fingers through your hair, pushing back any strays behind your ear in the process.

“My dearest, you have always been so considerate, but for tonight don’t worry about anything, just do what comes natural to you. My clothes can be cleaned, and if not I will buy another pair.” Zhongli’s hands gripped your hips tightly, starting to move you back and forth on his thigh. You clit was ecstatic to finally be getting some friction, moans already being ripped from your throat. The ex archons dick was uncomfortably hard, outline clear as day from how hard it was straining against his slacks. Once you finally got yourself into a rhythm he let one of his hands fall from your hips, giving in and palming himself through the thick fabric.

You moans began increasing in volume and frequency as you got closer and closer to the edge. You gripped onto Zhongli’s broad shoulders, your body quickly becoming tired. The man in front of you noticed this, letting his hand return to your hip as he helped steady your rhythm once again. Tears were threatening to fall from how good you felt, everything starting to become light and fuzzy as you continued to get closer to your climax.

With a couple more rough thrust against his leg, the coil deep in your gut snapped, sending waves of please surging through your body. Your back arched hard before slumping into Zhongli’s chest. He kept your hips moving, letting your ride out your orgasm on his now soiled pants.

“My love, do you still want me to fill you up?” Zhongli’s voice brought you back to reality, where you realized how hard he was. The thought of Zhongli filling you to the brim reignited the fire that was just extinguished in you. You nodded reverently before rolling off his thigh and onto your back, presenting yourself to him. A low groan sounded from Zhongli’s throat as you spread your leg wide, the site of you littered with markings making his brain go fuzzy; his only focus now on making you both feel good. You’ve never seen Zhongli rip off his close at such a speed before, until he was stark naked and crawling on top of you; caging your head with his arms.

Once again Zhongli began to attack your neck, except not as rough, not wanting to cause more pain than pleasure. Without warning, he slammed his dick into you, since you had already worked yourself open for him. Despite this, your walls still clung tightly to him, his large cock dragging deliciously against your walls as he hit all the right places. Both of your were on cloud nine, as he ruthlessly pounded into your.

Normally when the two of you had sex, right before Zhongli came he would pull out and cum onto your stomach which he of course would clean up later. Not for any particular reason as to why since you were on birth control, it had just become a habit. This time however you wanted to do things a little different. You were getting close, and you could tell he was as well, as his breathing became more uneven and more low pitched noises started coming from him. Your walls fluttered around his cock, causing him to shutter and let out a low grunt. Before it was too late, you tightly wrapped your arms around the ex Archons next, and pulled him down closer so your lips were mere centimeters away from his ear.

“Cum in me Zhongli, stuff me with your cum. I want every drop of it please I wanna feel you inside me even after you pull out. Archons please please Zhongli let me feel you cum. Breed me.” Zhongli’s eyes widened, those words causing something to snap in him as he was hit with another wave of pleasure, his thrust still maintaining their power but becoming more erratic. You could feel Zhongli’s calloused fingers rubbing quickly against your clit, sending new waves of pleasure through you. The moans coming from the two of you were matched perfectly, as the two of you got closer and closer. With a couple of final thrusts, Zhongli sheathed himself in you as deep as he could go, cumming shooting deep into you. The feeling of his cum filling you up is what sent you over the edge, cumming for the second time; your mouth falling open to form a silent scream. You could feel Zhongli beginning to ooze out of you as he pulled out, which made you shiver.

“Let’s get you cleaned up shall we darling?” Zhongli was still a little out of breath as he stood from his position on top of you, holding his hand out to you. You grabbed a hold of him, before catching him off guard and pulling him back down.

“Let me stay full for a little while longer.” Sleep was slowly starting to take over, as your eyelids couldn’t stay open. Your words went straight to Zhongli’s dick, but that was an issue he would take care of himself. For right now, he just pulled you into his chest, allowing you to drift off into blissful slumber.

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cblgblog · 3 years

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So my issues with Irondad are well documented at this point, starting from their very first scenes. Specifically the utter tone deafness of Peter’s recruitment, by both Tony and the writers. Tony starts the movie being blamed for the death of a 20-year-old kid who was in the wrong place, wrong time in Sokovia. That accidental death that can be put down to negligence on his part, is pivotal to what happens next. So pivotal he uses it in his pitch for why the other Avengers need to sign the Accords.

Tony, midway through the movie, deliberately brings a 15-year-old child into this conflict. A child he blackmails into going with him, because if you don’t, I will tell your aunt.

Charles Spencer was an innocent civilian, wrong place, wrong time in Sokovia. He died. That tears Tony up, as it rightfully should. And yet, in the midst of his crusade about following laws and accountability, he lies to May Parker about taking her 15-year-old nephew out of the country and into a warzone. Ignoring some well-established laws about child soldiers.

Tony blackmailing a child who’s had his powers for 6 months into participating in this conflict makes no sense. Ever. It especially makes no sense in the context of Charles Spencer and his mother. Yet neither Tony nor the writers seem to comprehend this. Which is why Irondad has been bullshit from the start. Blackmail and kidnapping are not sweet, father-son moments, even if you ignore the fact, as the MCU wants to, that Peter had a father already, in Ben Parker. He has a loving adult parental figure in May Parker. Both of whom cared about him before he had spider powers that might be helpful to them.

All of this, I’ve said before, so have others. And then I realized that I actually hate Irondad more than I thought. That Feige and co. mishandled it even more than I thought, and why? Because of this.

We know the story. Peter was, supposedly, this kid Tony saved at the Stark Expo in Iron Man 2. Started out as a fan theory, and then was confirmed that yes, this is true, this is exactly what we intended.

Now, we know Civil War had different writers/directors than Homecoming or FFH did. We also know that, for all the lip service of, ‘It’s all connected,’ we know that the creatives in these different franchises do not always talk to each other, and that they often blatantly contradict each other.

Taking all that into account, acknowledging that…the dumbasses at Marvel did not think up the idea of Peter being the Iron Man 2 kid. They heard the theory, thought it was cool, then took credit for having meant that the entire time, yes, that was totally us.

We know this because it is never mentioned in canon. All those Tony and Peter interactions, all those times of yes, Mr. Stark, I just want to be like you, Mr. Stark, and Peter never mentions that? When Tony takes he suit from him in Homecoming and Peter says that he just wants another chance, wants to be like Tony, would he not mention that hey, you saved my life, Mr. Stark. You saved my life and I just wanted to be like you, and now I can be, now I can save lives like you, just please give me another chance.

If the Iron Man 2 theory were true, would he not say that? In FFH, when he’s all guilt-ridden, I didn’t save him, would he not mention that hey, he saved my life before I was Spider-man, before I was special, before I was anyone?

Now I know what you’re thinking. The Iron Man 2 thing isn’t that big a deal. It’s not a crucial thing. And you know what, you’re right. It isn’t, it’s just always annoyed me, in an eyeroll way, that the same people who couldn’t count properly between 2012 and 2017 (8 years later flashing in giant letters across our screens means that Homecoming was meant to take place in 2020), that these same people who let something so blatantly timeline breaking get through then took credit for a kind of cool, kind of clever fan theory. It’s annoying.

I’ve now realized, however, that it is far more than annoying to me. Because TPTB at Marvel did not think of that idea for themselves, but if they had, and if they’d run with that idea? If they had, it would’ve made Peter’s recruitment in Civil War so much more fucked up than it already is, but so much more interesting. So, so, so much more interesting.

I’ve talked about why Spidey’s own movies (as much as you can call them that given the level of Tony infiltration) prove that the theory isn’t true. Now let’s go to Civil War. Different writers, yes, but let’s talk anyway about why we can tell from CW that Peter was not that kid.

He gets home. May is like, look who it is, Tony Stark. Not, look who it is, the hero who literally saved your life. When Tony locks himself in Peter’s room with him (still fucking gross, Jesus Christ), Peter is just, nope, I got no idea what you’re talking about. That’s—no, I’m not a superhero, no. He’s defensive. He’s apprehensive. He’s trying to figure out what fresh hell this is. He’s trying to hide stuff from Tony. If this is the guy who saved him at the Stark Expo, why this reaction? Why not, oh my god, you saved my life, I thought I’d never see you again, not, not up close I mean. When Tony asks him to do a thing, why is it not, well yeah, duh , you saved my life, where do we start? Or even, okay, I don’t really wanna do this, but, you saved my life, I owe you?

So, nobody wrote a fucking word of any of Peter and Tony’s interactions under the theory that he was the Stark Expo kid.

But what if they had?

Tony shows up at May’s place. He does not know who Peter is, in relation to their “meeting” before. He’s expecting to have to do some level of smooth talk to get in here but, nope. May’s just, oh my god, you saved my boy’s life, come in, come in!

We don’t know for sure that Peter was orphaned by the time of the Expo, but if we base it on comics and prior films, he likely was. Most versions seem to have him fall under Ben and May’s care between 2 and 6. O1’ birthday means he would’ve been around 9 at the Expo. So, more than likely, Ben or May or both were the ones there with him. They may credit Tony with saving their lives as well.

So, Tony starts the movie being called out by a grieving mother. Going down this route, we’re at the midpoint…and here’s a different mother telling him how great he is. How he saved the most important thing in her life. How if Ben were here (May’s wearing her wedding ring around her neck btw, you can see it in the scene), Ben would say the same thing. Shake his hand. Hug him.

Now, Tony’s got a sharp ass mind, when it’s not clouded with booze or drugs or the like. Since he wasn’t wasted at the Expo, there’s a good chance that, given some details, he remembers saving this kid. He remembers how small this little boy actually was. He remembers how light this kid was when he grabbed him. It was a few seconds in a long ass night, that he hasn’t thought about in years, but to May Parker, it’s everything.

So maybe at this point Tony’s rethinking this. He’s remembering that little boy, realizing how young he still is. He pulled that boy from danger. And now here’s this woman who invited him into her house, told him how her husband just passed recently, things have been hard, especially for Peter but God, he’ll love to see you. Maybe Tony’s rethinking this, coming up with a way out, when Peter shows up. And then, aw hell. The kid’s just a mess of excitement and shock, possibly tears…okay now it’s just gotten harder to make an exit.

Let’s pause here to say that May Parker is not fucking dumb (“Cut the bullshit. I know you left detention. I know you left the hotel room in Washington. I know you sneak out of this house every night.”).

May is not dumb. Letting the 50-year-old dude go into her nephew’s room with him, alone? Arguably dumb, even if it is Iron Man. Letting him grab the kid for some Stark…thing, and take him wherever Tony said he was taking him on 12 seconds notice? Even more arguably dumb. CW as it’s written dumbs down May’s character for the sake of an already questionable plot point. Especially since she literally says she’s not a fan of Tony in Homecoming. Yes, her comment there comes after the “internship,” her noting Peter’s distraction and stress because of it. But still, it’s fucking weird that she’d let this man take her kid out of the country, alone, in CW. It makes her dumb for the sake of plot.

But if Stark saved Peter’s life not so long ago? It at least makes a bit more sense. He’s a hero. Peter literally wouldn’t be here without him. Why would Tony hurt him now?

So, back to the scene. Peter’s probably less paranoid about showing his stuff to Tony. Probably not spilling everything himself, but when Tony notices things, Peter’s probably less panicked over it, more willing to confirm. Yes, he’s got these powers, okay? And he hasn’t had them for long, but he’s trying to do good, like Tony. He’s trying to do the right thing, like Tony.

Now, this kid has such literal hero worship going, and he’s so damn inexperienced, he admits that. And Tony’s still got Charles Spencer’s mom in his head. He’s dead, Stark. And I blame you.

Can Tony really take this kid—actual minor kid younger than Charles was—take him and put him on the field against the goddamn Avengers? That woman out there with the dead husband and the ring around her neck, what’s he going to say if Peter gets hurt, or worse? Sure the kid obviously has skills but, can he risk another grieving mom?

So, maybe Tony’s rethinking this. Maybe he can still get out of this, improvise a Plan B. But then there’s a text from Nat or Ross. Where are you? We’ve only got a few hours, what’s the play?

Special circumstances, nobody in that group is really gonna fight to kill…it’s special circumstances, and he can keep the kid mostly sidelined.

This time, he doesn’t have to blackmail Peter. He doesn’t have to threaten to expose his secret. Peter’s willing, either because he genuinely wants to, or he feels he owes Tony a debt. So there goes the dick factor of Tony literally blackmailing a child. And the lack of questions Peter seems to ask about what he’s fighting for, the acceptance of vague answers, that’d also make more sense in this context.

In this version, Tony is both more and less of a dick. He’s doing less active threatening and manipulation…but he’s also being doubly manipulative. His genuinely good deed gives him an easy in with the Parkers. He’s playing on the credibility of an earlier, at least somewhat better version of himself. One who saved Peter Parker and hadn’t yet ended Charles Spencer.

Look, I won’t lie, I legit don’t know what I’m saying anymore, except that Marvel sucks for taking credit for a thing that they definitely do not have credit for. Which isn’t particularly new for them, and wouldn’t particularly matter if the thing they took credit for (and didn’t do anything with) could’ve offered some interesting story possibilities.

#anti tony stark #anti irondad #iron man 2 #peter parker #may parker #kinda fuck marvel though really #spider-man #civil war

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ruewrites · 3 years

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Hi, i hope you are doing good. So i had a request, i really like angst and i was reading We're Blooming Togheter (its very good btw) And i was wondering if maybe you could write like an one-shot about Asmo and more about his last partners? Or maybe more about Lucifer taking care of the brothers at such a young age after being abandoned...i just really like angst.

Revisiting Past Ghosts

AO3

WBT

Ship: Solomon/Asmo, Lucifer/Diavolo (more near the end?)

Word Count: 3113

Warnings: Some violence (skip the third snippit)

A/N: Hi Anon! I’m happy that you enjoyed WBT! I really loved writing it! I’m also always willing to write more about it (I want to write more about it too). This ask actually inspired two one-shots? I’m not going to post the second one yet (I want to finish some other requests first) but I hope you like this first one. I was actually playing with some ideas about writing some more for the au and your comment pushed me to do it, so thank you! I hope you enjoy this!

Asmo remembered his first girlfriend finding out about him. Part of him had always known about his own affections, but it still made him nervous to tell her. She’d seemed so accepting, so supportive. But Asmo quickly regretted the decision. She’d already had a jealous streak. He knew this, and this just seemed to make her lash out at anyone that even dared to look at Asmo in the halls, including his best friend. It started out as little things that could be excused as accidents, but then Solomon’s number had been blocked on his phone.

The only reason that they’d started dating in the first place was because they were in similar social circles. She was cute, Asmo was cute, it made sense. He’d been interested at first, but the more he learned about her personality, the less interested he became. Despite how perfect they may have looked to their peers, they clashed on more subjects than they agreed on.

Their breakup had been ugly, Asmo wouldn’t deny that.They’d gone back and forth fighting about little things that didn’t matter in the long run.

He’d thought it was over, until he’d seen Solomon’s vandalized locker.

“I’m so sorry,” he murmured, a sickness stirring in his stomach. The two of them stayed after school to try to fix whatever damage they could. There had been horrible notes, drinks thrown onto his text books, lipstick smeared over his notes. Asmo would have thought he would’ve been the target of her anger, but unfortunately this didn’t surprise him.

“You aren’t responsible for her actions.”

“But she’s obviously still hostile because of me.”

“Stop blaming yourself, you didn’t ruin my locker.” Solomon let out a huff and pushed more sludge into a trash can, “You can’t fix her attitude.”

True but Asmo still felt bad. Things were quiet for a moment as Asmo tried to escape his guilt as he slipped paper towels in between the pages of Solomon’s notes. She’d been flooding his comments, but he didn’t think she’d ever do something like this once they broke up…

He felt Solomon nudge him with his foot, bringing his attention back up. “If you still really feel bad, you could invite me for dinner. You said Lucifer was cooking right?” he smiled.

Was it simple? Yes. Did it make Asmo feel a little better and maybe even steal a laugh from him? Also yes.

His ex had gotten a new boyfriend eventually. Not that Asmo cared.

Every now and again they would still hiss at each other in the hallway. They’d gotten into a few more fights, mainly over Solomon, and each time Solomon had been the one to pull Asmo away. He hadn’t handled it the best he could have, but it was in the past now. It happened. He didn’t really remember when it all stopped. Eventually they had just sizzled out, going from a raging fire to nothing but smoke and ash.

********

Solomon had just gone home from dropping his assignments off. He promised he’d come back tomorrow, but only if Asmo wanted him too. Asmo had nodded, eyes still red and pillow stained with tears. He genuinely didn’t know what he’d do without Solomon.

As soon as he was gone, Asmo was left alone with his thoughts again. He knew Solomon had to go home, but he wished he didn’t have to. He didn’t want to be alone. He should go back to school, he really should, but he wasn’t sure if he could bring himself to see his ex. He sobbed into his pillow, gripping it tightly, feeling the fabric become cold beneath his cheeks. It didn’t make sense. He didn’t understand. There wasn’t a reason.

He did everything he could. He made himself pretty, he got him the sweetest gifts he could think of, listened to him, cleared his schedule for him… Maybe it still hadn’t been enough. Maybe he could have done more, tried harder. He could have made himself prettier in the mornings or been a little more adoring. Now that it was over, Asmo was making a list of things he could have done better, but it was too late.

He could still remember the last conversation they had and how the bile rose in his throat.

“We need to break up.”

The words had caught Asmo off guard. Everything had seemed to be going fine. They’d never talked about any problems. As far as Asmo had known, they’d been a perfectly happy couple. They did everything happy couples were supposed to do. Asmo did everything a perfect boyfriend was supposed to do.

“But why?” he’d asked, voice already catching in his throat.

“Just ‘cuz Asmo.”

“But-”

“Just. ‘Cuz. Don’t make me spell it out for you.”

Asmo had been snapped at. Asmo hated being yelled at. It made his throat tighten and his body freeze. This wasn’t how this was supposed to be.

“You’re not dumb. You know why.”

But Asmo didn’t know why!

“Wait-”

“I need to go.”

Asmo could feel the mascara running down his face and taste it on his tongue, “Please don’t.”

“Lose my number Asmo.

Then Asmo had been alone. No reason. No explanation. He was just alone sobbing on the sidewalk, looking for an answer he would never get.

He’d been humiliated and broken and he wasn’t sure how to feel. Honestly, he probably would have stayed crying on the sidewalk if Solomon hadn’t found him.

He didn’t want to be alone. He wished Solomon didn’t have to head home.

His door cracked open ever so slightly, and footsteps crossed his room.

“There was ice cream left over in the freezer,” Lucifer seemed a bit awkward, as if he wasn’t sure what to say. He knew Asmo had been broken up with, but he wasn’t exactly sure what to say. It seemed like calling his ex some… choice words had been the wrong decision as Asmo had only cried even harder, defended his ex, and started to blubber about it being all his fault. From there Solomon had taken over and ushered Asmo upstairs.

He’d caught bits and pieces.

I wasn’t good enough.

I wasn’t pretty enough.

I didn’t love enough.

I wasn’t perfect enough.

Lucifer heard a few other things, but all of these little untruths did nothing but make him angry. He knew his brother, and he knew none of those things were true. He’d seen Asmo interact with his partners, and he did nothing but love them. Perhaps he was a little biased, but he didn’t care.

Asmo sniffled and lifted his head. Ice cream didn’t sound too bad… He wasn’t sure how much of it he could eat, but it was a good breakup food. He sat up a bit and moved closer to his brother. The container was partially full and had brownie chunks mixed in. He leaned against Lucifer’s shoulder and sniffled.

They sat there in silence, Asmo wondering why he wasn’t good enough and Lucifer knowing he deserved better.

********

Lucifer was already tense. He could hear the rising voices from the living room. The couple clearly thought they were home alone. Voices rising in the heat of the moment, growing until they reached their inevitable crescendo.

Lucifer saw the slap before he heard it.

A hand brought down onto Asmo’s face. Eyes wide and full of hurt, shock, and embarrassment as tears welled and slowly overflowed onto the floor. He didn’t see Lucifer. It didn’t matter if Lucifer had met the man in his house before this moment. Now he was a stranger, and intruder. He was violating their space, and would be treated as such.

Before he could disgrace Asmo furthur, Lucifer’s hands were dug into his collar and slamming him harshly against the wall. His vision was clouded with red, lips pulled back in a snarl. Bloodlust clouded his mind.

“How dare you lay a hand on him,” he snarled, grip tightening around his collar, “You have no right to hurt him in any way.”

“Wh-”

“None.”

Lucifer vaguely felt the tugging on the back of his clothes, Asmo’s voice no more than a bug flying in his ear. He dropped the man, making sure he stayed between him and his brother. The fear that Lucifer saw would have been satisfying if not for the situation.

“Leave. If I ever catch you in my home again I will be the last thing you see.”

The man bolted out of the house, Cerberus barking as the door slammed behind him. Lucifer couldn’t relax even with his brother’s soon to be ex gone. His blood was boiling, and Asmo was squirming under his gaze.

Asmo didn’t think Lucifer was home, he hadn’t thought anyone was home. It was the only reason his boyfriend had wanted to come over in the first place, he wasn’t a big fan of Lucifer or any of Asmo’s brothers really. It was a red flag, one Asmo had seen in the distance. He thought that would resolve over time. Apparently he was wrong.

“He’s not welcome in this family,” Lucifer growled, “No one is to treat you like that.”

Understood?

Lucifer’s tone made Asmo’s skin crawl. He was still trying to process what had happened. His cheek stung, and his eyes were watering. What had they been fighting over? He couldn’t remember. Were they even fighting or had they just started yelling?

Asmo couldn’t help but shrink into himself.

“Yes.”

His words were soft and barely audible. His mind couldn’t even think about texting Solomon. Where would he even begin?

Lucifer paced around the living room for a moment, muttering to himself. He sounded almost animalistic, so unlike Lucifer. It scared him, the entire situation sent Asmo into a spiral and he wasn’t sure where to go from here. He flinched when Lucifer touched him, and seeing that seemed to make his anger flare again.

Lucifer stared at the mark that started to mar Asmo’s skin before shaking his head and heading off into the kitchen. He returned shortly after and pressed a cold ice pack to Asmo’s face. Hours of silence ticked by.

Lucifer wanted to press charges.

Lucifer wanted to go after him himself.

Lucifer wanted to bury him deep in the ground with the rest of the spineless worms.

Asmo told him not to.

They’d fought about it for a few days, and the relationship had continued for a little longer after that. But eventually, both the argument and the relationship ended.

*********

Lucifer had been looking over one of his cases when Barbatos paged him down. Something about someone wanting to talk with him. While he’d never admit it, his mind hadn’t been focused on his work lately. Something was going on with his brothers, specifically Asmodeus. He’d seemed unusually twitchy and eager up until recently. Now he wouldn’t come out of his room, and he could hear him sniffling.

Diavolo’s booming laugh bounced off the walls and was the first thing Lucifer heard before he saw anyone. Perhaps Diavolo wanted to take the three of them out to lunch again, where Lucifer would then continuously have to check the time and remind Diavolo about PDA as well as Barbatos’ presence.

However, when Lucifer came to Barbato’s desk, he saw a third person that he wasn’t expecting.

Solomon looked a little frazzled underneath his normally cool composure. He stood stiffly next to Barbatos as Diavolo chattered away. Luciferer spied something pink clasped between fidgeting fingers.

Barbatos was the first to notice Lucifer’s presence. He made his way over to his side and glanced over towards Solomon and Diavolo.

“He seems nervous.”

“I noticed.”

“What do you think it’s about?”

Lucifer hesitated, thinking over his options. Well, he had one idea. If he was correct, it would certainly make everything else fall into place much easier.

“I guess we’ll have to find out won’t we?”

Solomon smiled as he saw Lucifer approaching, causing Diavolo to turn around with a wide grin on his face.

“Lucifer!” Diavolo chirped, moving closer. He went in for a kiss, but Lucifer stopped him.

“Later. We have company,” he smiled, patting his boyfriend’s pouting cheek before turning to Solomon. “It’s good to see you Solomon, it’s been a while since we’ve had you at our dinner table.”

“Ah, well, Asmodeus and I have both been busy. We’ve been spending a lot of study time over at my apartment,” he said. Then a small silence stretched on. Solomon looked down at the pink envelope in his hands for a moment and sucked in his breath, “I was actually wondering if you could give something to him.”

Lucifer raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. He could feel Diavolo and Barbatos behind him, their intrigue was palpable. Lucifer would be lying if he said he also wasn’t curious about what Solomon had to say. “And why can’t you just give it to him yourself?” he asked.

Solomon stopped for a moment, eyes glancing down at the envelope before smiling.

“Well, I’ve been hiding them in secret and leaving them anonymous, so what fun would it be to just give it to him?”

Lucifer raised an eyebrow and Solomon’s face fell.

“He also hasn’t been answering my texts,” he admitted, “I just need him to meet me in the park tonight. I-”

Diavolo’s eyes lit up, “Oh Lucifer! I didn’t realize your brother had a boyfriend, and one with such romantic ideas at that.”

Solomon’s face lit up red and his eyes shifted to the side. So, there was something going on between his brother and his brother’s childhood best friend. His memories flashed to Asmo’s exes, the things they’d put him through, the pain they’d caused him. He didn’t want Asmo to live through any of that again, he didn’t want things to go wrong and he certainly didn’t want his brother to go through more heartbreak.

“What if I just told him? You’ve been sending him letters for a while, why not just get it over with?” Lucifer asked.

Diavolo cut in before Solomon could even give his argument. “Lucifer, why don’t you indulge him?” he asked, “You mentioned that Asmodeus loved romantic things like this. Plus it’s adorable. He’s made this elaborate little plan just for Asmodeus.”

Lucifer hesitated for a moment, thinking his decision over, eyes glued to the envelope. It did seem very… Asmodeus, but could he trust this little romance to not leave Asmodeus crushed? It was a gamble with his brother’s happiness, and the stakes were high.

“It does seem like something Asmodeus would enjoy,” Barbatos cut in, nodding towards the letter, “Plus, you can trust him with his own heart.”

But could he really?

A few more minutes ticked by, Lucifer played with his thoughts. Perhaps he had still been soured by his brother’s last boyfriend. The man hadn’t really left a good impression, and Lucifer didn’t want to see Asmo in that situation again. Asmodeus deserved to thrive and to be loved and cherished. He just wanted what was best for him.

“Alright, I’ll give it to him,” he decided. Solomon’s grin returned as he handed the envelope over. “But,” Lucifer continued, “You’d better treat him well, regardless of what happens. I won’t tolerate anyone disrespecting him.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Solomon smiled, “I promise I’ll take care of him.”

***********

It was late, but Lucifer couldn’t fall back asleep. He picked up his phone to look at the time.

Three am.

How was Asmodeus doing? Surely he and Solomon had gotten to their suite a while ago. Maybe he should give him a call.

Turning onto his side, Lucifer propped himself up and stared at his husband for a moment. Diavolo was curled up on his side, softly snoring away. He wasn’t the most graceful sleeper, but it was still endearing in a way. It was still wonderfully Diavolo.

Kissing Diavolo’s cheek, Lucifer grabbed his phone before heading downstairs. It rang once. Then twice. He wondered for a moment if his brother would even pick up when a tired voice answered.

“Lucifer?”

“Hello Asmodeus,” Lucifer smiled, “Did you arrive alright?”

“Mmm, give me a second, we just… got to sleep.”

There was shifting on the other side of the line, followed by a second voice. It was slightly muddled, but Lucifer knew who it was.

“I’ll be right back Darling… It’s my brother… No no, not Mammon…. Yes Lucifer.... Go back to sleep, I’ll be back soon.”

There were a few other noises. Kisses perhaps? Then more shuffling and a door shutting.

“Sorry brother dearest, Solomon’s rather clingy when it comes to curling up, I’m lucky I was able to escape to the porch.”

He sounded happy. It made Lucifer’s body relax and a soft smile spread across his face. Asmodeus was in good hands, he was safe, he was going to be cared for. He still remembered how happy Asmo had been showing off his ring, and how much happier he looked at his wedding. It made him feel at peace, knowing he was loved.

“I assume you’re having a good time then?”

“Oh yes, all the unpacking is done, and we’re planning on going out and exploring tomorrow,” he chirped.

“You mean you haven’t explored yet?”

“We were unpacking!”

“Unpacking doesn’t take that long Asmodeus.”

“Buuuuuuusssssyyyyyy,” Asmo sang, “Anyways, I’ll make sure to take lots of pictures tomorrow!”

“Good.”

I’m happy you found him.

Silence stretched between them for a moment. Lucifer could hear the ocean in the background.

“I should be getting back to bed, I have a wonderful husband waiting for me and a long day tomorrow.”

“Mmh, now that you mention it, I suppose I should be getting back to someone as well.”

I’m happy he makes you happy.

“Goodnight Lucifer, I love you!”

“Goodnight Asmodeus.”

Lucifer stared at the phone for a few moments more before going back to his bedroom where a warm bed and an adoring husband awaited him. Kissing Diavolo’s cheek once more, Lucifer settled back into bed, feeling his partner shift behind him.

Asmo looked up at the stars and took in the night air before wandering back inside. He barely had time to plug in his phone before Solomon was sucking him back into the bed and covering his skin with kisses. Honestly sometimes Asmo wasn’t sure what to do with all the love Solomon gave him, he doubted that he even deserved it at times. But as they laid together, Asmo knew that this was where he truly belonged. He’d finally found the one. Asmo had had good and bad partners come and go, but Solomon was the one who stayed.

#WBT #ruewrites #obey me #obey me asmodeus #obey me solomon #obey me lucifer #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #solodeus #dialuci #soloasmo #asmosolo #asmodeus x solomon #diavolo x lucifer #angst #angst with a happy ending #tw minor violence #human!au #tw abuse

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hiimsociallyawkward · 3 years

Text

the darkest hour pt 2

i'm back with my bs. this is for my bestie @lady-ofmagic-andstars. basically, all of my dumb thoughts while i watched 'darkest hour pt 2', 04.02 of merlin. in case you weren't aware.. ✨spoilers✨

right off the bat i'm sad

ok when i first watched this i was really confused. i mean, you see others when they interact with the dorocha have that perpetual frost on their face right? all of them, every single one. so imagine my surprise when merlin has no frost on his face, and he's miserable yea- but he's not dead??

like tbh, watching this again, ik why but when i first watched this, i was SO confused.

arthur looks so worried slkdjfalskfsd

him being willing to abandon the mission to get merlin back to camelot to be treated 😔🤪😎🤤🤩 lots of emotions

LANCELOT. of course it's lancelot. santiago is perfect. actually.

merlin looks so SICKLY. it physically pains me to see him like that

okok hahaa. the scene where percival is carrying merlin. i have several notes on that.

1) ik it's supposed to be all 'noble' looking. yk? them walking in slow mo, percival carrying merlin like he's been slained in battle. knights looking knightly

ALL I CAN FOCUS ON IS THE LACK OF PROPER NECK SUPPORT FOR MERLIN. PLS TELL ME I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE.

like pls

second note, idk why this remind me of hagrid carrying harry back

idk maybe that's just me but it feels oddly reminiscent

colin is SO pale my heart is actually hurting for him what the heck

asf;lsdjfa;lsdfj 'take me with you' stop.

dude they ACTUALLY care about each other. i just love them. arthur is so worried rn and while i'm like 'alsjfalsdj i don't want arthur to be sad and worried' we can see just how MUCH arthur cares about merlin.

like yea, we KNOW that they care about each other. but arthur is the prince and merlin's a servant so arthur can't have friends, but they're friends, and they care, and it makes me happy

ok it's sad and everything that merlin's basically dying but is it bad of me that i chuckle at merlin SLUMPED over on his horse?? probably.

but i mean, merlin is already raising himself up so he can sit more comfortably on the horse. ik that doesn't mean that he's in the clear yet, but he's doing a LOT better than the other people who ran into the dorocha. idk where i'm going with this

to quote the destiny and chicken podcast (who i love btw, if you want an awesome merlin podcast, check them out), they stay on arthur's face for SO long after merlin and lancelot leave.

i feel EVERYTHING that arthur is feeling in this moment. he's so pretty

there's another beautiful landscape. i'm not even sorry i'm gonna attach them ALL.

tell me that's not gorgeous

LMAO WHAT IS GWAINE DOING IN THAT TREE.

gwaine is the EMBODIMENT of 'boys will be boys' when he sticks his hand into that tree and gets swarmed by bees.

he's adorable and i love him

ok but also, someone tell me why capes are so hot. someone TELL me.

separate from the episode but on the note of capes being hot, i want a cloak SO BADLY. like the whole gist. floor length, big hooded cloak. why?? it's not like i'm sneaking anywhere but still. ✨cloak✨

ok the line where leon goes 'if anyone can get merlin back to camelot, it's lancelot' and arthur's face?? idk what to make of it. someone help me pls.

ok actually this probably isn't the best reaction shot but someone please help

the only thing i can think of is that arthur momentarily forgot and was reminded that merlin was in danger bc of him?

another thought is that he thinks he should take merlin back instead of lancelot?

ik for a fact you guys are better at analysising this stuff than i am so pls, thoughts?

i love lancelot so much. first time i watched this, i was CRUSHED

him carrying merlin to the lake(?) pond(?) area and then covering him with his cape? i love it

ok idk why but i love the idea of merlin instinctively going towards the water

it makes me think back to how he's made of magic and basically everywhere, espeically nature, has magic and instinctively- he wants to connect with nature as much as he can so his body just puts his hand in the water

a dumber thought i had, his hand is ✨sparkly✨in the water HAHAH

omg when the water called lancelot i deadass thought it was freya. i'm actually dumb i have WATCHED this before and i STILL thought it was freya

'a future that has been written since the dawn of time' makes me so proud but also so sad at the same time

it's like, yes, merlin is going to 'save the world' but it's like he's there just to do that. anyways, i just want him to be happy

MORE SPARKLY

these water spirts are op but also MORE SPARKLY. hehe i thin kthat's so funny

also, i'm literally only like 7 mins in. buckle yourself in

l;askdjflskdjf arthur going into the tunnels with the wilderons?? i miss merlin ouch. AND THE GAJA BERRIES. arthur misses merlin.

ok percival tackling gwaine?? cuties ;))

heheheeh gwaine kicking a skull and then running directly behind arthur for protection?? pls stop. i already love you

HAHA OK. THEM WEARING THE GAJA BERRIES ON THEIR FACE REMINDS ME OF THIS FACE MASK . THAT'S LITERALLY HOW I LOOK WITH THAT THIS FACE MASK ON HAHAA

yes im dumb, but the 5 of them slowly peeking over the rock and then ducking back down?? i love that so much they're so cute

omg what's wrong with me. not these knights literally FEARING their lives and me going 'they're so cute'

ANYWAYS

gwaine you absolute dumbass. smh merlin just took it but you just HAD to stab it. #cancelled

FRICK. YOU. AGRAVAINE.

YES. i have a love hate relationship with gaius, but BUST into the council room. king energy right there

smh gaius you pUSH over.

I LOVE GWEN RIGHT HERE

YES

FIGHT FOR WHAT IS RIGHT

DON'T LET ALL THOSE SMELLY OLD COUNCILMEN PUSH YOU AROUND

THIS IS ACTUALLY QUEEN SH!T RIGHT HERE EVERYONE ELSE CAN LEAVE

stfu agravaine 'gueniviere'. ST F UP

ok gwen. pop OFF

you KNOW that arthur would've fought agravaine on this. GO GWEN for speaking her mind

oh look at me with anotehr fic rec. sort of, not really. ok but this scene with gwen talking about all the villagers remind of this fic called To Love, Honor, and Piss Off by @thenerdyindividual .

ok so it's basically a fic where basically merlin and arthur have this 'arranged marriage' type thing for 3 years, and merlin is arthur's 'common consort'. what that means is that arthur marries merlin as a show of good faith and to learn more about what it means to be a commoner- merlin giving arthur the tea about commoner life

anywAYS. check that our if you want, but i loved it

stfu 'i feel the pain as much as you' agravaine. hop off my dick

YES. GWEN. PLANT THAT SEED OF DOUBT THAT AGRAVAINE MIGHT NOT BE ALL THAT HE SEEMS. i love gwen :,)

wow when she's intellegent with her speaking so everyone HAS to side with her but also respectful so NO ONE can get mad at her?? i stan. i ACTUALLY stan

santiago is so pretty

the PANIC in his voice. i stan.

HAHA AND MERLIN'S SNARKY 'SHH'

merlin is ready to GO. he's like, sorry for almost dying. that was ill advised of me.

i'm actually soft for any displays of friendship ever. what does that mean about me 💀 KIDDING. anyways..

i love the *swing* *duck* 'yea, not as quick as arthur

sa;kfs;akdfj lancelot insisting that merlin go back to camelot and merlin just nOt

LADS

stop rn. lancelot's face when merlin turns away. i am in pAin. I AM SO SAD OVER LANCELOT. PLS LANCELOT.

this isn't exactly, but morgana's paleness from here on out reminded me of merlin when he was literally DYING.

anyways, that's my note on that

like, yes- i get it- morgana is evil now. but idk should i feel bad for her? she looks so pale and ghasty and just :(

aksfhaskdjfas;ldf morgana

HAHA MORGANA IS SO EDGY IN THIS MOMENT. 'I'D RATHER DROWN IN MY OWN BLOOD THAN SEE THAT DAY' SO DRAMATIC. WHY IS SHE SO EMO/GOTH. LIKE IK I SHOULD BE SCARED FOR WHAT THAT MEANS BUT I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING

stfu don't kill gwen i'll KiLl you

agravaine literally needs to die

stop. i am literally SCREAMING when agravaine is asking gwen to meet him in his chambers. PLS. STOP. STOP STOP STOP. I NEED A WHISLTE. I BITE MY THUMB AT AGRAVAINE. HE NEEDS TO SACK THE HATEFUL MANSION. BETTER YET I'LL BURN HIS MANSION

again, someone tell me why capes are so hot. especially these red ones?? i'm in love with them.

ok see this guy?? he just died with the forst on his face. not merlin?? he started getting better. surly that should've tipped them off that merlin was different

merlin's little head quirk when he does magic. ALSFJASLDFJAS MERLIN. NO ONE SAID YOU WERE USELESS. AND IF THEY DID I WOULD BEAT. THEM. UP. GIVE ME ADDRESS RN.

wow. seriously. i'm gonna attach all the pretty landscape pictures

morgana's like 'i'll cut a b!tch'. ok ik morgana's evil and everything, but morgana flinging that guard against the wall is bad ass

oh this is weird but gwen telling agravaine to 'show courage' but the whole room tinted green? ik this isn't harry potter or anything but idk i thought that was interesting. i'm not abt to go into if i think agravaine is a slytherin or what but still

STOP. GET. YOUR. HANDS. AWAY. FROM. HER. I ACTULALY HATE HIM. SHE'S SO UNCOMFORTABLE. BACK THE FRICK UP AGARAVINE.

morgana :( smh you can't deny that morgana and gwen carried for each other and morgana flinging gwen away is making me sad. don't touch me

asldjfasldasd 'you're never alone' elyan i love you

lancelot and merlins being lads. omg no them talking about gwen

lancelot is SO noble. stop this reminds me of Die for you in secret by @emrysofmagic so much right now. not gonna lie. your fic LITERALLY lives in my head rent free and sometimes i think of it and my heart just HURTS in those last few chapeters. PHYSICALLy. i am in pain. anyways.

stop the trope where it's like "i love them, but i just want them to be happy. it doesn't matter if they're with me or not. i just want them to be happy"

I WAS LITERALLY SCREECHING AS MERLIN WAS CALLING KILGHARRAH i'm not even capping

ok so it's been like a month ish since i've watched merlin bc i was waiting for @//f-f-podcast 's destiny and chicken podcast, so i don't exactly what terms kilgharrah and merlin are at right now

still i think it's very sweet of merlin to bow slightly when kilgharrah looks at him

'the bravest and most noble of them all' 🥺

aw. merlin is really saying good bye right now

ok this scene is weird bc like i said, i don't rlly remember how merlin and kilgharrah are right now but it still makes me sad

asldjfslakdjfasd merlin and kilgharrah are old friends now. that makes me happy but sad at the same time

ok the 'it will be an empty world without you, young warlock' kills me.

obviously, we know that even though they butt heads, kilgharrah and merlin both care about each other

not only is kilgharrah being forced to let merlin go right now, but he's making peace with the fact that he'll be alone

the last dragonlord is planning to die. and kilgharrah is going to be alone again, like he was in that cave.

another thing is that if merlin died rn then we would never have aithusia. i'm kinda going on a tangent now but idk this scene is sad

this forest is so pretty

literally just lancelot's face and lancelot in this whole episode.

that's my note

HAHA GWAINE BURNING IS SOCKS

LADS BEING LADS

I LOVE THEM

omg i always see posts about this.

like merlin and lancelot planned that lancelot was going to walk in first and trick them and THEN merlin walked in

that's so funny to me. they're SO dramatic HAHAH

merlin looks so happy

BRO

ARTHUR

JUST HUG

HIM

PLS

STO

JUST HUG HIM WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM

Tell me why they actually look MARRIED here. PLS

🥲🥲 SELF SACRIFICING IDIOTS I LOVE YOU BOTH YOURE BREAKING MY HEART

LADS I LOVE THEM

🤠🤠 arthur wanting Gwen to be happy is KILLING ME. He loves her so much

This is so pretty. Honestly like how

Who let merlin have this many pretty landscapes

HOENSTLY

Lajs;dlkfajd buds in a boat together.

This reminds me of going to amusement parks and there’s always that boat ride

They’re the cutest

Ok so they also have this picture. It’s actually 3 pictures spliced together because the episode pans down and it’s really badly spliced (sorry) but LOOk how pretty that is.

WTF

Omg not me literally copying merlin with his slow mo head flick at the wyverns to make them go away

;sldkfjasdlkjasd leon percival and elyan and my heart.

Ok i’m not even gonna try to lie. They all have my heart

Frick you cailleah

Omg i was like ‘gwaine you dumbass’ jK i love him. Pls don’t come for my neck

Asldjfasldjfka ‘i’m prepared to pay whatever price is necessary’

HAHA CAN YOU NOT. WHAT IS WITH THIS CREEPY ‘COME HITHER’ HAND MOTION MS CAILLEAH

Stopp rn. ‘It’s my density

STOP. I AM HOWLING. LANCELOT

WHY

COME BACK

NO NONO PLS. YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME.

stop rn merlin is all alone.

PAN TO ARTHUR WHO IS LITERALLY SURROUNDED BY EVERYONE.

Stop they all look so sad. I’m so sad.

merlin looks like he’s cried

I’m not sure abt arthur with his ‘no man is worth your tears’ type business but still

I am ✨sad✨

I screamed at this picture. I am depressed

Anyways

Gwen’s face is killing me

I’m so sad i don’t even want to write commentaries

Arthur realizing that lancelot only died because he loved gwen

Gwen standing in front of the fire

Aslkdfjasldjfa im so sad

HER STANDING IN FRONT OF THE FIRE ALL ALONE.

I. AM. SO. SAD.

STFU THAT THRONE IS NOT “RIGHTFULLY” YOURS MORGANA

STOP PLS GET AWAY

WHAT IS WITH THIS WEIRD TENSION

PLS DO NOT STAND WITHIN KISSING DISTANCE

IK YOU’RE NOT TECHNICALLY BLOOD RELATED BUT STILL.

PLEASE.

STOP.

I HATE AGRAVAINE

✨we hate agravaine in this house✨

😭😭 not merlin having ANOTHER secret. I’m so sorry bby

Anyways! I’ll be back next week to rant more about the wicked day so I’ll see you then! thanks I love you bye

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makeste · 4 years

Note

You’ve been in this fandom longer than I have, when a character dies do people usually spam their tag with celebrations and nasty comments? I’ve only really been part of smaller fandoms before, and those sort of things were considered really rude and like you were looking to upset people, are things more lax in a large fandom like this or do the same rules apply?

okay so I got a few asks more or less to this same effect, warning me to stay out of the BnHA tag right now and such, and here’s the thing. first of all, to answer your question anon, the answer is absolutely yes. fandoms be wildin’ all of the time. the BnHA fandom is actually by and large one of the sanest Large Fandoms out there. really, it is. but fandoms by their nature are filled with people with opinions! and the bigger the fandom, the more people and the more opinions there are. and most of those people will want to talk about their opinions, and share them with other people, and connect with people who are like-minded, and debate with people who are not. and all of that is literally what fandom is about.

and an unavoidable part of that is that sometimes people are gonna have opinions that you REALLY don’t agree with, and you have to put up with seeing those opinions everywhere (because like it or not, fandom is a public space, and people are allowed to express their own opinions in that space), and it kind of sucks, ngl. but at the same time, it works both ways, and other people might not agree with your opinion either, but you still have the right to express it. that’s just how it goes! and honestly it’s not a bad thing in the long run for people to build up a tolerance to reading views they disagree with. it can make you more open-minded, and it’s a good way to sharpen your critical thinking skills, and just in general it’s not a bad thing to be able to co-exist with other people even though you might have very different points of view.

however! the key thing in all of this that people unfortunately forget sometimes is that fandoms are fiction, whereas the other people you are interacting with are real. and for me personally, I will always prioritize the feelings of real, actual people over the feelings of fictional characters. and what this means is that I honestly do NOT care at all whether or not you hate Gran Torino, or you think Tomura is irredeemable, or you think Bakugou and Endeavor don’t deserve redemption, or you think that a certain ship is toxic, or whatever! I can and will disagree with literally all of those takes, but you have just as much a right to an opinion as I do. and so as long as our disagreements are limited to these entirely fictional matters which literally have no bearing whatsoever on anything in the real world, that is FINE. we are totally cool. you do you, and we can debate these things if you want, but I will do so with respect, and if I’m ever not respectful then by all means please call me out on it.

rather, where I do draw the line is when people start attacking other real-life people over their opinions on fictional characters. “I hate Gran Torino” is one thing. but “anyone who likes Gran Torino is a terrible person" is quite another. and this cuts both ways!! “I don’t agree with villain stans” is one thing, but “villain stans are clowns with no reading comprehension at all” is a totally different take, and the latter is incendiary and condescending and lumps a very large and diverse group of people all together in the same box and very specifically attacks them as individuals, rather than the actual takes. and that, imo, is what makes a fandom start to feel toxic. when people start attacking each other, rather than the opinions they actually disagree with. when people start prioritizing their defense of fictional characters over the real life thinking and feeling human people they’re interacting with.

there’s just no need for that. it’s actually not hard to treat other people with respect. you just have to remember that they’re actual people, which unfortunately is something that we don’t always remember to do when we’re typing out words on the internet. ideas don’t have thoughts and feelings! opinions can take whatever you throw at them, because they are just opinions!! fictional characters could not care less what anyone is saying about them!! they don’t give a fuck!! but sometimes people in fandom do this thing where they identify with an opinion/character/ship so much that they allow attacks on that opinion/character/ship to hurt them personally. and conversely, they dehumanize people with the opposite opinion so much that they become capable of attacking them pretty damn viciously without feeling any remorse about it at all. and that’s when it gets toxic. and unfortunately this is such a commonplace thing that I think we’re all guilty of it sometimes. but basically, this IMO is the true hallmark of toxicity in a fandom. when people stop having respect for other people. when it goes from “this take is dumb” to “these fans are dumb.” because at that point we might as well not even be talking about the fandom anymore. reasonable discussion has left the building and we’re all just standing around throwing shade at each other as if that is ever somehow going to prove any kind of point.

tl;dr the bnha tag is kind of toxic right now, ngl, but not necessarily for the reasons people might assume. however, that being said, I’ve still seen far, far worse in other fandoms, and I think that by and large this one is still doing all right. I have not ever personally interacted with anyone who’s been nasty or rude or insulting towards me in any kind of way even if we disagree on something. fandom can sometimes look more fucked-up looking at it with a wide-angle lens from a distance than it actually is up close. most people are chill. and even if they’re not, you can still be chill to them, and I promise you in the long run that will make your fandom experience better. this isn’t particularly addressed to you btw anon. it really isn’t addressed to anyone! I’m just soapboxing in general. and I will take the BnHA fandom over, say, the Star Wars fandom any day of the week lmao.

#bnha 281 #bnha fandom #'s hot and spicy takes lmao #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #asks #anon asks

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tellywoodtrash · 4 years

Text

immj2 20.10.20 lb

great, the memory card has fallen off aryan's shoe onto the floor. can't wait to see it kicked and passed around the house like the heere in andaz apna apna ka climax.

a wholeass pailllllllll of nails chachi has, and she knocked it over, and now she's scooped the memory card and put it with the nails. abbe yaaaaaaaaar.

dadi is a little too fida on this bahu. hello, you have other grandchildren in this house too? yes ok most of them other than siya suck, but still!!!! angre ko toh itna laad nahi deti aap??? i would argue he deserves it more, having to handle two-two sankiii raisinghania siblings.

lehenga waala controversy ki hawwwwwww vansh ki maa ka lehenga kaise pehen liya tumneeeeeee, and riddhima's like bishhhhhh my man gave it to meeee.

btw i think it's rude af that vansh got haq over it and not ishani and siya. i would totally not let a brother give away my mom's payal AND lehenga to some chick he married coz he thought she was a shady bitch here to spy on the fam. HE DIDN'T EVEN MARRY HER COZ HE LOVED HER OR NOTHING!!!!!!! WHY DOES SHE GET OUR MOM'S STUFF?!?!?!!?!? WHO MADE HIM THE BEQUEATHER OF HER HEIRLOOMS????????

long story short, i agree with ishani's bitchface here.

face-off between saas bahu over whether vansh will show up for aarti. lordddddddddddd, y'all better off betting on shit like the ipl, at least kuch toh paise mil jaate usmein.

full raisinghania parivaar convinced ki nahi aayega vansh.

but oh????????? YEH KISKI HAI AAAHAT???????? YEH KISA HAI SAAYA?????????

boooooooooooyah in your faces, bitches. though mans looks like he'd rather wrestle a pack of wild dogs than be doing this. HE'S HERE. THAT'S WHAT MATTERS.

behold the power of heterosexual crushy-wushy feelings (triple-boosted by the power of maa ka lehenga.)

mann hi mann mein gutargooo. god, just rip off the beautiful clothes and fuckkkk, you idiots. it's what maata rani wants!

OK BLOODY ENOUGH STARING THIS SCENE HAS LITERALLY GONE ON FOR 3 MINUTES TOO LONG, AARTI BHI KARNI HAI KI NAHI?!?! WHO ARE THESE PPL WHO STAND AROUND SUSTAINING EYE CONTACT LIKE THIS MY SOCIALLY ANXIOUS ASS IS FUCKING DYINGGGG HERE FROM JUST WATCHING THIS

dude turns on the puppy eyes only when she's not looking.

waaaaaah! look who's enjoying aarti! while smize-flirting with wife.

inn meesniyon ko baaz nahi aana. this is the fucking stupidest shit i've ever seen. WHY WOULD YOU MAKE A BED OF NAILS?????? DON'T YOU KNOW THAT THE MORE THE NUMBER OF THE NAILS PACKED CLOSELY TOGETHER, IT PROVIDES A FOUNDATION THAT ALLOWS EVEN WEIGHT DISTRIBUTION AND THUS DOESN'T HURT?????? USKE UPER CARPET BHI DAAL DIYA. SO HOW IS THIS SHIT SUPPOSED TO WORK, LIKE AT ALLLLL????

also idk wtf dushmani this family has against riddhima's poor feet ki unko hi nishaana banaate hain har time. poori ki poori body padi hui hai behen ki, kahin aur bhi vaar kiya karo, variety ke liye?!?

bhakti waala boner.

kal hi maine bola tha ki isko dandiya mat dena. angre inviting his own shaamat.

literally everyone in the family has their own different style of taking aarti.

aarti given to aryan with an extra side of stinkeye and promise to put him in jail.

voot has muted all the bloody songs and replaced it with some generic music and goddddddd. i have to go download some stream from tv now to watch the dance sequences properly. literally what is the point of voot’s existense, someone tell me. itnaaaa ghatiya streaming platform nahi dekha maine aaj tak. they should be paying us to watch shit on their trash site.

this is the most non-enthu dandiya playing i have seen in my life. he's standing there as if his shoes have been nailed to the ground. ffs, siya, who's in a wheelchair has more zeal.

his bejaan dancing reminded her of the other inanimate object that is priority as of the moment: the memory card.

aaaaaaaaaaand she hit him on the hand, and he walked off mooh phula ke that she wasn't paying attn. GOD EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING.

meanwhile this one also got her hands on the bucket of nails. lordddddddddddddddddddd. i just can't with these ppl anymore.

yeh lo, yeh phir aa gayi maata rani se favour maangne.

FROM 0-60 IN A SECOND THIS ONE'S BRAIN MAKES ASSUMPTIONS. DIMAAG HAI YA TESLA KA ENGINE?!?!!?

inka khatam nahi hua. itna dimaag padhaai likhaai mein lagaati aap log toh khud ki companyaan chalaate, aur vansh ke paise ki zaroorat nahi padti.

ishani literally hammered nails into her bloody dandiya to hit angre with, who tf she think she is, jeffrey dean morgan from the walking dead?!?!!?!?!?!

hein???? riddhima ko itne upar se bucket mein memory card dikh gaya??? is she a long-lost cheel sister from naagin 5???? (maine bola tha this show is a companion piece to that one!!!)

i really truly get ishani’s annoyance with this b. she’s very very very irritating.

“isse kahin safe jagaah chupaana hoga” she says, AND YET AGAIN PUTS IT SOMEWHERE TOTALLY DUMB, THAT SHE WOULDN'T REALIZE IF IT FELL TF OUT. WHYYYYYYYY IS SHE LIKE THIS?!!?!?!?!?!? JUST WHY??????????

I MEAN........... JUST GO HIDE IT WHEREVER YOU KEEP YOUR MENSTRUAL PRODUCTS????? LITERALLY NO ONE WILL TOUCH THOSE, ESP. VANSH/ARYAN. IT'S THE LAST PLACE THEY'D EVEN THINK TO LOOK. MY GOD WHY IS SHE SO INFURIATINGLY STUPID??????????

garba ke baad she wants to show vansh the footage. wonderful. should go great.

mummyji ka naatak to make riddhima take the akhand jyot. fwding.

if there's anyone who's MORE of a doe-eyed optimistic fool than riddhima in this house, it's angre.

god ishani, you're a horrible person.

ofc, isko hero banna hai. keel ko poora daboch hi liya haath mein.

great, he's like tum ziddi toh main bhi dheent. re bhagwaaaaaaaan.

pls god, let them pair siya with someone wholesome; nahi toh i'll not have a single couple to ship in this generation of raisinghanias.

lmaooooooo dandiya kam yeh toh fencing match zyaada lag raha hai.

husband was just saying sorry to apologize for bumping into her but OH HO HO HO HO PATIDEV KABHI MAAFI KYUN MAANGEEEEEEEE PARMESHWAR SE TOH GALTIYAAN NAHI HOTIIIIIIIIIIII

one ainvayi ka ~~deep~~~~~~ dialogue also, that made no fucking sense but ok whatever.

LMAO WHUT THE DANCING CAME OUTTA FUCKING NOWHERE I AM AS PUZZLED AS VANSH IS

also everyone's like baaju hato baaju hato iske khatarnaak dancing se already vansh ko lag chuki ek baar abhi humein nahi khaani

i am ishani and aryan, pissed at how this chick just be hogging the whole floor. hello, this is a communal garba space!!!?!!

also i fucking love nagada sang dhol, but solo dancing to this song just looks very very sad.

anyway, now that the cultural program part of the evening is over......... time for operation keel carpet.

this chachi is such a sample i swear to godddddddd. iske khurafaati dimaag mein full time aise nonsense ideas hi aatein hain. aunty, apply this time and effort into an mba or msw or something, and you'd be much better off in life.

for the love of god stop making this dude run unless its some legit chase sequence or something. he looks ridiculous running around in the house as if he's trying to break the world record for 400m.

Bhakti Boner round 2.

chalo, finally she's on her way to the room. in dono ke kaleje ko thandak.

once again, for those at home thinking of replicating this kaand to fuck over an annoying nanad/bhaabi/whatever: please read how a bed of nails works, so that you don't waste your time on it.

why's everyone watching her go up as if ISRO ne koi naya satellite launch kiya ho??? DO Y'ALL NOT HAVE WIFI IN THIS HOUSE??????? MATLAB, KUCH BHIIIIIIIII ENTERTAINMENT NAHI HAI KYA ISS GHAR MEIN RIDDHIMA KE ALAAVA????

issne toh mann mein jann gann mana bhi gaana shuru kar diya, outta pride.

HOW EVEN IS SHE BLEEDING FROM THE FOOT WHEN KEELON KE UPAR CARPET HAI?????????? KUCHHHHHHHHH BHI.

#ishq mein marjawan 2 #immj2 #immj2 lbs #episode liveblogs

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owlheartt · 3 years

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Hey guys guess what I finally rewrote the ending so it’s happier!! I like the new ending much more. New story title, btw: The Tunnel

yes shit name I know but I just want to stop calling it “Brian, Jack, Tea, and *unnamed narrator*”

In an alley in the middle of town, there’s a tunnel. It’s deep and dark and no one goes down it. It’s haunted and erie, and it’s a good place to hide as long as you don’t go too far in. But everyone has heard the warnings. And everyone heeds them. Because countless kids have gone in and never come out. The adults don’t talk about it. They don’t even seem to know. It’s like the second you turn 18, it’s erased from your memory. I’ve tried to talk to my brother about it, but he just looks at me funny. We went down there together once, a few years ago. We didn’t get more than 10 feet in before chickening out and running back. But then he went off to college, and when he returned he had forgotten. I’m turning 18 soon, tomorrow, actually, and it won’t stop bothering me. I brought it up with my friends a week ago.

“What if I forget the tunnel?” I asked.

“You’re still bugged about that?” Brian said. He always teased me for being so spooked about it.

“It’s not like remembering it does you any good,” Tea said. They changed their name when they were 16, and their parents still don’t know.

“It doesn’t make sense. Why would the tunnel suddenly not be there anymore?” I asked them.

“I wonder what happens if you turn 18 in the tunnel,” Jack wondered aloud. He doesn’t speak much, so his every word is important.

“Maybe we should find out.” Tea said after a pause. Adventure, we all agreed. I turn 18 at exactly 5:24 am, so we’re having a sleepover tonight, and we’re gonna wake up early. I get out some snacks, and wait. Tea shows up first, they’re early. Jack comes right on time, and Brian’s late. Like always.

“I can’t believe you’re turning 18,” Tea says.

“I can’t believe we’re going in the tunnel,” Brian says. I think he’s more worried then he’d like to admit. Jack just nods to both. I stay quiet. I think I’m also more afraid of the tunnel then I’d like to admit.

We all go to bed at 9, hours earlier then we usually do. My mom caught us changing into our pjs, she thought we were crazy going to bed then. I mean, we were. Brian set an alarm for 4:30, to give us plenty of time to get ready and to the tunnel. We were all restless. I think only Jack slept well. When the alarm goes off, Jack is the one who turns it off. After waiting for the rest of us to get moving, of course. It takes 20 minutes to get ready and begin eating breakfast. No one else is up yet. We’re all eating cereal in the kitchen, whispering.

“What do you think will be in there?” I wonder aloud.

“Doesn’t matter,” Tea told me.

“We’ll find out soon enough,” Brian added.

“A monster,” Jack said softly.

We gather up flashlights and phones charged at 100%, and stuff a water bottle and a few snacks in a bag, just in case. Brian grabs candles, icing, 4 cookies, and a lighter.

“It’s a birthday celebration after all.” He explains. Tea sniggers, I’m just worried.

I snag a pocket knife on my way out the door, and Tea runs back in to grab one themself. Er, two.

“Why do you have two?” I squint at them.

“Just in case one of the fools who didn’t grab one themselves changes their mind,” Tea smirks. Jack rolls his eyes and Brian snorts.

All of us have a backpack, though none of them are full. The streets are dark as we wander down them, and we only see Ms. Petunia, fast asleep on her rocking chair on her porch.

“Weird old lady,” Brian comments.

“Don’t be rude!” Tea scolds.

“She shouldn’t be sleeping on her porch though,” I say, “It’s not safe.” Jack nods.

Soon we’re at the tunnel. The street lamps don’t shed any light on it, and Brian pulls out his flashlight. It just illuminates an empty, damp, regular tunnel. So creepy. Jack sighs, and I hesitate as Tea pulls out his phone.

“Hey man, what do you need that for?” Brian asks.

“We’re on an adventure!!” Tea laughs, turning on video and pointing it at Brian. I doubt the camera can pick up anything other than his outline it’s so dark. “Video evidence is required,” Jack nods. Brian groans.

“If we get lost in there, that video evidence will mean nothing,” I say quietly. All three turn to me.

“We won’t get lost,” Brian laughs with false confidence. I can hear the anxiety in his voice. “It’s a straight tunnel, how hard can it be?”

We all leave the tales unspoken. No need to frighten each other any more.

“Uh! Well! My phone can’t pick up much, so uh.. Hey Jack! Do me a favor and bring out your flashlight?” Tea forces a grin, but I can see gleams of sweat on their face. Jack nods again, and turns his flashlight on. I take a quick pause to check the time (5:14, by the way), and in we go.

It’s dark, even with both flashlights. Tea says their phone is seeing things just fine, but I don’t know how. I think Tea’s using their phone to see rather than just looking around, and I don’t blame them. We all stumble and trip a lot, and in the background I can hear water trickle. Eventually, my phone’s alarm goes off. It’s 5:20. Brian hands me his flashlight and brings out the “birthday supplies.” Jack helps him use icing to place the candles on the top of the cookie. After Tea shoves their phone at Brian, they snach the lighter from his hand.

“That doesn’t exactly prove you’re responsible enough to light it!” Brian snaps.

“And you are?” Tea grins.

Jack’s gaze has wandered, and I follow his line of sight. He’s looking at the exit. The exit that’s really far away. The exit that leads to the outside world that I can’t help but be terrified that I won’t see again. Why did I think this was a good idea?

“Hey birthday boy!” Tea shouts at me. I whip around to find the candles lit and Tea holding their phone. Brian and Jack have their flashlights pointed at the cookies, which happen to be on plates. I don’t remember anyone grabbing paper plates, but whatever. I check the time again. 5:23.

“Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you!” Brian and Tea are shouting the song and Jack just sways along, grinning. Tea snaches the cookie with the candles and holds it out to me as they finish the song. Our fingers touch as they hand me the plate, but Tea doesn’t let go.

“Birthday boy, are you ready to discover what happens when you fool the laws of nature?!” They say grandly. I grin. As nervous as I was feeling before, Tea’s mood is contagious. This is fun now. I blow out the candles.

“As ready as I’ll ever-” The world blips.

“-be?” I blinked. I was at the entrance of the tunnel.

“We won’t get lost,” Brian is talking. “It’s a straight tunnel, how hard can it be?” Hadn’t he said this before? Hadn’t we already gone in? Tea’s also blinking, looking a little lost. They hesitate, then speak too.

“Uh… Jack, mind getting out your flashlight? My phone… can’t see?” They sound uncertain, like they’re reading off a script they didn’t know they had. I am too. What happened? Jack pulls out his flashlight. I know I’m supposed to, so I check the time. 5:14. Just like the before that I can’t remember. When I look up, Brian and Jack are already making their way down the tunnel. Tea and I look at each other, then race to catch up.

Tea walks beside me, and the deja vu just gets stronger. My phone’s alarm goes off. Brian gets out the birthday supplies, again, handing me his flashlight. Tea does what they did last time, but more robotic, like they weren’t really doing because that’s who they are, but rather the actions they’re supposed to do. Brian barely seemed to notice. Jack didn’t, cause he was watching the exit. The exit that we teleport back to in a few minutes. I think. How did that happen? Teleportation isn’t a thing?

“Birthday boy?” Isn’t Tea supposed to shout? “Supposed to” what am I talking about? But the set up looks exactly like it’s supposed to, whatever that means. They start singing happy birthday, but it’s mostly Brian. Tea just kinda says the words, and Jack sways. When the song’s done, Tea grabs the cookie with candles and holds it out to me.

“Are you ready to discover what happens when you fool the laws of nature?” Tea isn’t as loud as they usually are.

“I- I guess so.” Our fingers are touching again (?), and Tea doesn’t let go until the world blips.

“We won’t get lost. It’s a straight tunnel, how hard can it be?” Alright, this has definitely happened before. What is going on???

“What the hell,” Tea said. We all stare at them.

“Huh?” Brian raises an eyebrow. “How is that a response to ‘how hard can it be?’”

“I- Nothing, sorry. Jack, could you pull out your flashlight? My phone can’t see,” Tea rubs their eyes, and blinks a few times. Jack pulls out his flashlight, and he and Brian head on in. Tea leans towards me.

“Please tell me I’m not crazy,” They whisper. I turn and stare at them, then nod.

“I’m pretty sure you’re not,” I whisper back.

“Hey, you two coming?!” Brian shouts back at us.

“Yea, sorry!” I yell, and Tea and I race to catch up. The alarm goes off. I get Brian’s flashlight, Brian gets out the birthday supplies. Tea just stares, so Brian and Jack set it up without them. Shockingly enough, it goes faster. Soon enough, Tea is handing the cookie to me.

“Please tell me what you think is going to happen.” Tea sounds tired. I pause before answering.

“I think my aging up is sticking us in a time loop.” I groan. Jack reaches out and grabs my shoulder to get my attention, but as he gives me a questioning look the world blips. Again.

“We won’t get lost. It’s a straight tunnel, how hard can it be?” If I hear that line again I might scream. This time, not only are Tea and I confused, but Jack’s also making a face.

“Maybe you were right,” Tea says.

“Right about…?” Brian asks them.

“No, not you, him!” Tea turns to me. “I think you’re right about being stuck in a time loop.” We stand and talk, Tea and I explaining everything to Brian and Jack.

“Why wasn’t I in on this?” Brian complains jokingly.

“Cause you’re dumb,” Tea stuck out their tongue. My alarm goes off. We all look at each other. And it’s almost like we’re telepathic. Tea stops the video on their phone, Brian turns off his flashlight, and the 4 of us head home, Tea swearing to never stop reminding me of the adventure as the tunnel slips from my mind.

#owl's writing #writing #story #short story #my story #my writing #please forget the previous attempt #in fact #I think I'll delete it

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anothersillyfanblog · 3 years

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Earth On Hell

This is my Sanders Sides gift for @marsupials-of-mars for @sanderssidesgiftxchange!!! Basically all the sides are demons, hanging out in hell, but one of them (wonder who) is a teeny bit more chaotic than the others. (P.s I am gonna post on ao3 in a few days as well btw.) Btw I’m not great at tags so mega apologies if it still slipped through sorry.

Hell.

Lunch breaks round here weren’t boring- there was plenty to see and do in hell- it had just kind of reached a point for Janus where most of it had already been done. Hence why, no matter what his colleagues in the eighth circle said, there was something interesting about sitting down with this chatty little demon and watching the human flesh blister.

“Y’know what I think?” the younger demon, Remus, casually asked. Janus sighed. “I try not to.” “I think that everyone who ends up here is dumb.” He tossed a rat into his mouth “All you gotta do is act nice and suck up to the big daddy in the clouds- that’s it! Easier than boiling babies!” “No,” Janus raised his eyebrows. “Because it’s based on the nature of your soul not what you do.”

“Well that ain’t fair! What if you can’t HELP dreaming of torture and carving hearts into carcases (or whatever these idiots got in here for), like it’s in your pretty little head from day uno?” He wagged his finger at Janus. “They could never do anything wrong in their entire life but get sent here for naughty thinking… seems a lil shitty to me.” “Well apparently they can ‘repent their sins and get eternal salvation’.” Janus revelled in the other guys’ confusion for a moment. “Say sorry a lot and it’ll be ok.” “Ohhhhhhhhhhh right. Oh yeah ok.” Remus nodded. “Seems a bit suspicious, are you sure that’s a thing?”

A couple of screams got louder, and Janus turned to see a scrawny horned demon carrying a bucket and biting his lip. He had his arms comically wrapped all the way round it- an ugly neon yellow bucket with a ‘warning’ label (because hell needs health and safety standards)- and he was edging towards a nearby cliff.

“Hey Virge!” Remus called out “What’cha doin?” “I…” the horned demon tipped the bucket over the precipice as the screams intensified “…am adding a couple… of new souls… to the… whirlwind.” “Come get lunch, Virgil! It’s rat day!” he grinned, holding up a rodent “Also didn’t Pat tell you to do that like, a week ago?” “Yes but I’m also a dumb bitch.” Virgil sat down next to Remus. “Who’s this?” he glanced awkwardly at Janus. “I-” “HE’S my friend from the EIGHTH FUCKING CIRCLE!!!” Remus interrupted. “That not being the eighth circle of fucking, though it might well be…” “It’s not.” Janus clarified. “Yeah, I didn’t think it was.” Virgil smiled “I’m Virgil. I work with him under Patton? Second circle so-to-speak.” “Oh yeah I know the guy.”

Patton was the overseer for a lot of things in the lower levels. Not really a specific tier, or a specific expertise, but if you spent any time in one-five then you at least saw him. Most people ‘above’ him were aware of him in a general sense. Janus had met him twice? Three times? Yeah, if you counted bumping shoulders at the river Styx that one time, then it was three.

It made sense that Remus and Virgil worked for Patton- a lot of the younger demons did these days.

“UGH doesn’t everyone?” Remus whined “He is annoying!” “He’s your boss.” Janus observed. “Yes, and he’s annoying! I say we, I dunno, set fire to his ass or something…” Virgil shrunk into his seat “He’s our boss? Also he isn’t in charge of everyone, he has a boss right…” “Yeah, but uh…” Remus clicked his fingers “We were saying weren’t we?” he looked at Janus. “No. Whatever you think we were saying, we weren’t.” “People shouldn’t get here for wanting to do crimes!” he clapped his hands “I think we should break everyone out of hell.”

One week later: Hell

Work hours, naturally. Janus was trying to process new souls but honestly there was no signal and his tablet just wasn’t working.

“And they say eighth circle is an enviable job…” he tapped the screen “I- I’ll be with you in a moment, sorry about this.” He said to the guy in line to be thrown into the pit. “No, no, take your time.”

Finally, the sound of footsteps approaching! Janus looked up and smiled. “Ah, the tech guy! Yeah, there’s no service on this, so if you could-”

“Where’s Remus?” Janus smiled a little “Excuse me?” “Which circle can Remus be found in?” the tech guy kept his face stern (if he was the tech guy) “I know you know him.” “I’m working right now, or trying to, so come back when I’m not and then we can talk.”

The tech guy ripped the tablet out of Janus’ hands.

“Where can Remus be found?” “He isn’t an important demon-” “Lower tiers…” “Not what I mean, I meant you shouldn’t need him.” “But I do.” “Why?” “Irrelevant, just tell me where he is located.” “Well forgive me for thinking you’re going to hurt him, but I think you’re- you know- going to hurt him.” “Falseh- it’s inconsequential, I must find him.” Janus paused. “Fix my tablet, please. I believe you.”

The tech guy looked momentarily confused before realising what Janus meant and doing so. “Second circle, every time I’ve seen him.” Janus said “Is… is he in trouble?”

“Not with me, negative. I do not have the influence to get many people into trouble. As for the future…” he sighed “I would advise you to keep your distance from him, though that’s my observation.” He left off towards the exit of the tier.

Janus grimaced, looking at his now-working tablet.

“If it’s any consolation, it probably won’t affect you.” The guy in line said, making Janus jump in surprise. “Shit! I need to get all you processed, I am gonna get in trouble.” He smiled at the guy who now frowned. “Okay name and age at time of death…”

One month later: Hell

“Where’s-” “Remus?” Patton interrupted. “we’re dealing with it.” Janus chuckled “Will anyone down here actually let me finish a sentence?” “Of course, my apologies- what were you going to say?” “Where is Virgil?” he smirked. “He works in your general bracket, right?”

Patton breathed in sharply. No one had seen Virgil since Remus had started (conveniently) quietening down, and Janus knew it. Everybody knew it. His work tallies were still placed in- by who, nobody knew- but the second circle was widely lacking in Virgil.

“He’s doing some work on…” Patton’s eyes darted round rapidly “admin. He’s working on potential field experience up there, needs to put in the admin first.”

Janus raised his eyebrows, looking up towards the Earth. “The thing is, Pat, I’m Eighth circle. I specialize in fraud- you know what that is?” Patton nodded. “Deceit, Patton, lies. And every day suave fuckers queue up trying to tell me why I have ‘the wrong circle’ or why ‘they should get special treatment’ and guess what, Patton? It’s always bullshit.”

He stared straight at the other demon. “I have been doing this for too damn long to not have the fucking right to tear the throat of anyone, ANYONE, who dares to be as lousy as you at lying to me. So don’t ever tell me that Virgil is doing admin, FUCKING ADMIN, because no one here will believe- or miss- you.” He sighed. “Let’s start again. Where’s Virgil?”

Patton swallowed “I…”

“Do you not know?” Janus asked, “This will go a lot better for you if you just admit that you don’t know.” Patton shook his head “Not exactly, no.” he whispered, “We’re not sure where he is.” “Not sure or don’t know?” “We know he’s in hell… we know that, we’re aware of him but not where.” Janus pinched his forehead “Okay so out of all the nine circles of hell, you have no clue, none. Lovely.” “If Remus would co-operate…” Patton muttered. “If I would what now?”

Ah yes, Remus. Walking cheerily towards them, smile slightly wider than ever, living his best life. Of course it was most likely that he had been questioned on Virgil’s whereabouts, given their activities during the past month-or-so, but Remus had decided to ‘calm down’ now and had ‘no idea about anything that anyone was doing’. Or so he had said to Janus.

“Patton! You already know I told ya everything about Virge, didn’t I?” he grinned. “Of course, don’t doubt it.” Patton said, as if he were lecturing a child. “And you got all your silly little friends to stand down which was very good of you.” Remus clapped his hands. “Yes! I did that!” “BUT!” Patton wagged his finger “I think you may have forgotten places that Virgil could be- or things you knew about Virgil.” Remus gasped in shock “Oh no!” “We want to find him, you want to find him. Let’s do this together please.” Patton nodded towards Janus. “Isn’t that right?” “Huh?” Janus smirked “Oh yes, working together. Of course.” Patton smiled again, then turned to leave.

Remus groaned “Ugh, what an annoying piece of poop! Wanna feed him to a pack of rampaging squirrels!” “Where’s Virgil?” “Up your butt!” Remus laughed, “Just kidding, don’t check, I have no idea.” Janus nearly prayed out of sheer frustration. “Don’t fucking lie to me, Remus, unholy shit.” “Okay, okay!” he giggled. “So I might know… but I can’t tell you.” “Why?” Janus asked, confused, “You think I’m going to run to Patton?” Remus looked down “Well, Logan says you shouldn’t be involved in-”

“You’re still working with Logan? You said you’d told them to stand down…” Remus chuckled “You believe that?” “Well, no,” Janus admitted, “But I…what the fuck are you planning?” “Eh, just a little bit of trouble…” “What you did already was a ‘little bit of trouble’- hell, it got your supervisors’ attention, so actually it was kinda a bit more than that.” Janus explained. “I made a group?” “A militia.” Remus threw his arms up “Well, we barely did anything! Pat WAY overreacted!” “Not… if you’re actually planning something he didn’t.” “So you are on his side?”

“I…” Janus looked away. “I don’t want this going south. For you, Virge, us. That’s the bargain you make when you leave heaven, to look out for you and yours. Get what is considered ‘best’ down here.” “But what if what is ‘mine’ is…” Remus looked wistfully at the hurricane of souls swirling around them “Never mind. See you around!”

He made his way off towards the offices where he worked, leaving Janus listening to the winds scream for mercy.

One year later: Hell

“Here.” Janus held out a bucket of blood that spat angrily at both of the demons, “from management.” Roman didn’t look up. “Chuck it in, before they get too comfortable.”

Janus peered down at the bubbling lake, almost glad to see that some parts of hell hadn’t changed that much. He poured the new blood in and watched the souls writhe- no hope of Remus for this lot. Though somehow, in some corners, they screamed out his name. How? Patton had nearly torn his horns off the first time he’d heard it, because how? How could they know about him? And that was the problem when the fresh blood was added and the screaming began anew.

What they screamed for.

Roman rolled his eyes “I’ve never wanted them to stop more…” Janus scoffed “You should see Patton, he has lost it.” “How so?” “Apparently,” he began, “He’s been inventing and subjecting harsher tortures for any souls who mention his name- or the others.” Roman chuckled at this “Well! Woe betide any gossip outlet, then…” “He’s getting them shut down, I think.” Roman gasped “His higher-ups can’t approve of that- right?”

Janus raised his eyebrows “His higher-? Roman, after the whole, well, you know… after Remus did all that, his only higher ups were a couple of folks in what used to be ninth circle.” He looked to the lake of blood. “Now? I don’t think some of them would even challenge him…”

“Oh.” Roman smiled. “How long’s that going to last?” “What?” “Patton- in charge? Until things are figured out, right?”

At this Janus started to laugh. He kept laughing and laughing till Roman joined in then realised it just wasn’t funny because it never had been.

“Forever.” He scowled. “He’s going to stabilize and reorganize the layers he has, take back the ones he doesn’t, put the souls back into torment, then execute the demons. All of them. Remus, Virgil, Logan, Remy, ALL OF THEM WILL DIE. Painfully. And then! He will rule over hell forever.”

“That’s a bit cynical.” “Well EXCUSE ME-” “No, I just thought- being an ex-friend of Remus- you might’ve been more cheerful.” Janus bit his lip. “We weren’t friends because we were even remotely similar. We were friends because I was bored, work was boring.” “Okay, makes sense!” Roman smiled. “So we’re all gonna end up working under Patton (if we aren’t already) and it’s gonna be aaaahhh ooohh not good very bad?” “Little bit more than that, but yes.” “Ah so more painfully terrible every moment we’re awake?” “Yeah.” “Hm… why not leave?” Roman casually asked. You know, casually.

Janus scoffed “Because of the whole dying thing?” he gestured wildly “I can’t go off on my own; I don’t stand a chance, I can’t repent; you have to mean that shit, and I can’t go with Remus and his crew because- because…” he looked down “I’m sorry Roman but the reason I never got too involved in the first place is because what he plans just isn’t going to work. He can’t win- he’ll die, and if I get involved then I will too and the point of all of this,” he spread his arms round “Is so you can look out for yourself, so you don’t have to be selfless and give up everything for someone else. Why do I have to be ashamed for not wanting to be a martyr?”

“I… you don’t.” “Exactly” Janus snapped. “If you truly believe that this is what’s better,” Roman added. Janus whistled “No, that’s…” he shook his head “Anyway. Whatever happens, they can’t be faulted for trying.” “No, absolutely not! Wait we are talking Remus and-” “Of course I’m talking about Remus’ lot.” Roman nodded “Ah, well yes- I agree. They’ve done a surprisingly competent job, all of them.”

They both paused for a moment. “It’s because they have the tech guy.” “It’s coz of the tech guy.” Roman agreed “I mean it’s not like the rest of his crew can’t organize things, but…” “It’s the tech guy.” Janus concluded “I hear he orchestrated the ‘Virgil plot’.” “Exactly!” Roman exclaimed “and that was wow, just impressive as anything (if you don’t mind me saying), like- hiding Virgil for that long to steal that many souls? If they don’t win it’ll be a little depressing.” “It’ll be more than that.” Janus smiled solemnly.

“It’ll be the end of life as we know it.”

Ten Years Later: Italy.

“Virge!” Janus could hear someone calling outside of the cavern “can you get that thick ass over here, please?” That ‘someone’ was probably Remus. “Janus, that includes you too!” “How does ‘Virge’ include me?” he called back. “Don’t question the king of crimes!”

Reluctantly, Janus stood up and wandered out to the frosty mountainside. He grimaced- the cold bits of hell had never been his favourite, even when they flaunted ‘coveted positions’ and such. Still.

“You want a coffee?” Remy asked. “Please.” He gestured over to a nearby hut “The coffee machine is right there, honey.” “But I never get the ratio right…” Janus pleaded. Remy chuckled and sipped his drink “Girl, that just ain’t my problem!”

“Janus!” Remus grabbed his arm suddenly and yanked him away “You sexy motherfucker, I called you an AGE ago! Now come on!” “Right, what do you need?” “Emotional stability…” Remus placed his hand on his chest “Just kidding! So basically, the waterpump’s broken (but Logan’s “dealing with that”), we received word that Patton has guns now- so we need better defences just in case- and also Patton has guns so yeah. Can we have those please?” Janus’ eyes widened. “Ok so is Patton-with-a-gun confirmed, or a rumour? Because hell basically never deploys projectiles.” “Are you sure I can’t be used as a projectile?” Remus half-spoke aloud “Yeet me at them.” “You’re getting distracted.” “Oh. Yes, it’s confirmed. One billion percent.” Janus pinched his forehead “Well, somehow I doubt that statistic, but okay. Let’s work on anti-gun strategy, defence, etc. because it is possible they’ll get hold of unholy projectiles specifically for us.” “Why can’t we get guns?” “Maybe one day, but if you actually think I trust you with a GUN-” “Fair point”

“Um, I was called?” Virgil was stood in the snow, watching them talk. They both jumped. “Yeah like, FIFTY YEARS AGO!” Remus cried. “Oh I’M sorry, look I did show up- it’s just I didn’t want to interrupt…” he trailed off. Janus smiled. “That’s understandable.” “That’s understandable.” Remus mimicked “Ooh, whatever, we were just chatting! No rules on chatting! Also what are your thoughts on guns?” “I think we should focus on hiding for now…” “BORING! Guns?” “Let him speak” Janus warned. Virgil looked down “I mean, our last skirmish went well, and we are getting more to join… but right now I think we should focus on what we have. And that advantage is mystery. Let’s keep it.” “Ooh mystery! Spooky!” Remus wiggled his arms. “No, I get what you mean.” Janus nodded “Like how you got so many in the beginning because they were intrigued, people will talk if we stay off the map for a while.” Remus tutted “Oh, you. Being sensible.” He frowned “We’ve been lucky, haven’t we? To live?” Janus smiled “Like this? Absolutely.” “Yeah, we should go under. Be sneaky! Recruit people who aren’t dicks and so on.”

Logan agreed with the idea for once, which was probably because it was Virgil’s, but also he stated: “We have already been living ‘both figuratively and literally underground’ so it makes an appropriate amount of sense to make this an officially secret place of dwelling.”

He also agreed with Janus’ gun-plan. This, of course, being that they focus on defence and perhaps work on getting weapons of their own in the future. Though he was a little heavier on the “no gun-wielding-Remus” stance, stating: “On no condition can he be allowed a gun, none. Others in our company- fine. I will trust from the upper-most generals to the smallest child amongst us with a projectile, but never Remus. Oh and can we consider adding Remy to that list?”

Janus didn’t bother to question the part about trusting children with guns, he simply nodded and got to work on defence, sometimes smiling at Remus as he did.

And it didn’t matter what anyone was or wasn’t doing, Remus always grinned away.

One Century Later

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molnlycke · 3 years

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100 DAYS OF SUNLIGHT BY ABBIE EMMONS REVIEW

As a disclaimer I want to say that I found the Youtube channel of Abbie Emmons by one of her ‘write with me’ videos. Following that I watched some of her WritersLifeWednesdays vlogs and thought, this woman has tremendous passion and work put into her craft. She actually gives valuable advice, and the themes of her videos are pretty good. So when I saw that she has a novel of her own published, I wanted to see how she incorporates the stuff she talks about into practical work. This is how I started reading her debut novel: 100 Days of Sunlight.

I was curious, okay?

But oh man, what is this?

This book… I’m sorry it’s just so bad. The mess of glaring problems, plotholes, the …characterisation. Abbie Emmons says every good story is character driven (which I wholeheartedly stand by if it is executed well!!!) but what should I get from this, honestly?

There are too many things screaming PROBLEMATIC here.

But let’s start at the beginning.

The exposition––the first chapter’s building don’t make no sense. It has a twist in it alright, but why start with something that turns out to be a dream (or a scrap of a memory in this case) of the actual past, only to get dumped with everything else that also happened following that scene? All of this is told from the protagonist’s reminiscing of said happening.

- To be clear the book starts with the scene of an accident–the accident in which the protagonist, Tessa loses her sight. A drunk driver with a pickup truck runs the red light crashing into the car Tessa and her grandmother are in. Soon it turns out that’s only a recurring nightmare and she’s been home for one or two weeks (maybe? I don’t remember precisely). By this time she has already lost her sight. Tessa runs the audience over all that happened after the accident (basically in those weeks she got discharged from the hospital etc. etc.) Now my question is why not start the book from the accident itself? It all gets narrated either way.

The next problem is the way first Tessa’s grandparents, and then the WHOLE BOOK just downplays consent. Why? Why would you do that?

- Tessa’s grandparents “know better what’s good for her than she does”–that’s an actual quote from the novel btw. Nothing glaringly alerting in that, I mean adults often have this way of thinking about children. Until… they try to arrange a stranger to help Tessa with transcribing her work. Tessa is a poet with a blog where she posts her work on schedule. Ever since the accident, she doesn’t feel like writing (or blogging for that matter). She’s shut herself off from the virtual world, doesn’t touch her laptop, nor speaks with her internet friends. (Because ofc she’s homeschooled, doesn’t like to go out at all and only has internet friends in the first place.) She’s in her room for most of the day, cries a lot and tries to cope. Whether her coping is good or bad I’m not qualified to say, but she thinks of herself as selfish, lazy, cynical, and depressed most of the time––everything she never wanted to be, things hates with every fibre of her being. She blames herself and basically detests life for beating her down to the ground. She feels she can’t get up even though she’s told, her blindness is a condition that can go away in ninety-something days’ time. I think feeling these emotions are pretty reasonable for a teenager. It’s been like three weeks since the accident, and her newfound blind perspective of life. That can’t be easy. BUT her grandparents know this isn’t healthy, Tessa needs to write. “I haven’t written one verse, one line, one word of poetry. I have no desire to. I have no inspiration, no joy. It’s all gone.” - Tessa from ch.1 So what do Granny and Gramps do following their infinite wisdom? Play the girl. And I’m like, sure dude, harass the child into doing what you want. Sure, don’t try to get her professional help or a psychotherapeutist or something if you think she’s faring so terribly. Sure, run an ad for hiring some part timer to transcribe for the poet who doesn’t want to write anymore. Sure, do it all behind her back. I mean she has PTSD and is blind for now, but yeah, this will most definitely help. Good job! For goodness’ sake they treat the girl like she’s been locked inside her room for months?!

When they share this brilliant plan with Tessa, she freaks out so much the elderly retract the ad. But not before the son of the newspaper’s owner gets a scrap of this new, possible past time activity and decides to be a creep and essentially stalk Tessa. But that’s for later.

Tessa explicitly tells her grandparents she doesn’t want to meet new people, doesn’t want to write, what she needs is time. So the next thing Granny does is pushes an unknown, teenage boy into her blind granddaughter’s room for a chat. Against Tessa’s repeated objections! There’s so much nonsense going on in the sequence of the story. Like one day there comes a boy–a stranger, knocking on the door, saying he’s this and this’ son and wants to help. And because, at a glance, he has prosthetic legs, you invite him first into the house then into your blind teenage granddaughter’s room? Without actually knowing if he is who he says he is? Without knowing the first thing about him? But even if that part is true, and he is who he says–the son of the newspaper’s owner, let’s not forget the mildly stalkerish way the guy’s been acting.

Granny shares a shit load about Tessa’s problems, then flat out tells her to meet Weston. “I told you I don’t want help. And I certainly don’t want anyone touching my laptop. I don’t want to write. I don’t want some stranger coming into my house and feeling sorry for me!” That’s Tessa speaking with Granny prior to the meeting. I mean it’s no biggie if she’s against the whole idea because he could help, right? Is this the American way of handling things? Someone give me a spoon that I can boink myself in the head with to get around this type of mentality.

At the first meeting Tessa has meltdown, screams at Weston and cries. Tells him she doesn’t need help. Tells him not to bother. Tells him she wants him OUT OF HER ROOM. Weston leaves before telling her he’ll be back the next day. And Granny and everyone else is fine with that. So in the following days the nuisance has the audacity to come over, small-talk the grandparents into loving him because he’s so charming everyone is in love with him a little. (That’s another thing from the book, I shit you not, the dude straight up thinks things like this. Yes, I know it’s self-deceit.) Weston forcibly takes over Tessa’s room which is basically the last place she feels comfortable at? Never mind, now someone’s popping in randomly when they think it’s cool, telling her what to do––“I know you don’t need me. But you need to write.” Bitch I think you need to fuck off from people’s lives who don’t want you in it. Just an advice.

One time Tessa wakes up to Weston barging into her room (“...he walks into my room without knocking, at 9.00 a.m., when I’m still in my pajamas”). Granny’s off to do her things leaving the boy to stay and make himself at home. Huh, quite reasonable.

Weston forces Tessa to accept there’s no fleeing this situation––one, the three of them (him and the oldies) constructed for her. Because it’s helping.

That’s basically the question of: where’s the line between wanting to help someone and pushing them even deeper when they’re already at a bad place. But since this is a YA romance everything is nice and good and sorted at the end so Tessa can thank her loving family for forcing their volition on her.

- Here’s another lovely example of consent portrayed in the novel: “I told you I don’t want to go outside.” Weston laughs. “You also told me to get out of your house and never come back.” “And you directly disobeyed my wishes.” “And you’ve been enjoying it...” Please tell me I’m not the only one seeing what’s wrong with this whole dialogue. It’s so disappointing and frankly, discouraging, to see an attitude like this written by a woman, targeted at a young, female audience.

- Oh, there’s their first kiss as well. It’s really really romantic. Weston asks for permission then doesn’t wait for the answer! “I’m gonna kiss you. Is that okay?” It’s not fair, because I don’t give her any time to reply. Instead, I press my lips against hers. Without permission.” ...So why did he even bother to ask? To seem nice? Well, as the saying goes it’s the thought that counts… So is this how consent works? NO! But consent never stood a chance in this book at the first place.

Next up; Characters.

*not @me side-eyeing Abbie’s video about how to craft a strong female protagonist* - I’m not gonna say a lot about Tessa. For me she falls flat like a cut-out. She’s paper thin, and dumb, although she’s the novel’s protagonist. Funny though, I feel she has less to give to the story than Weston, and it’s not just the length of their respective chapters. There’s like 600-700 words from Tessa’s POV (mainly about Weston 80% of the times), then we get a 4k word count chapter from Weston (mainly about his own journey and overcoming his struggles). Tessa’s chapters are either shallow or about her time spent with Weston. Opposed to this Weston has a full arc of him getting over the loss of his legs and standing up from it (quite literally). See what I’m talking about? All I get from Tessa before the accident is that she’s a writer, homeschooled, likes her colour coordinated books, and waffles (like Abbie ha!) (*whispers* and she wears her hair in a messy bun, ofc she does). Oh and she can’t live without WiFi. All I get after the accident is that she’s hurting, angry and blind. And now she has Weston. So her backstory is…..?

- Weston. Oh man where to start. Now he has a backstory. From it we can conclude how idiotic he is. That’s not recklessness or being a teenage boy. I’m sorry but his behaviour is simply idiotic. Sometimes he’s really grown up (taking care of his baby brothers and all) other times he has like 1 (one) braincell operating in his head. Bearing weeks of pain, and not saying anything about it to anyone because that’s not superhero like? WHAT??? He experienced, at the least, three weeks of torturous pain and several days of fever and dizziness, popping Advil like it’s candy. Still, the only one who realised this is his best friend at school and his 10 year old brother who was at the scene of Weston injuring his legs in the first place. What about the parents one might ask. Well Idk. Obviously a 13 year old is so good at deception and sneaking around that adults can’t catch on! On this note I want to gift Parents of the Year Award to Mamma and Pappa Ludovico. With parental supervision like that I’m baffled the child lived up to the age 13.

Weston is the nightmare male lead people usually salivate after in k-dramas stuffed into the body of a 16 year old American boy. Now I’ve never understood those people and their preferences of the bratty, entitled, but oh-so-handsome males and I still don’t understand to this day. Where’s the appeal? Don’t ask me.

I’ll just put down some quotes: “It’s the first time in three years anyone has ever met me without that look of pity on their face. The first time anyone has ever looked at me and not seen me. The first time anyone has stood before me—with perfectly normal legs—and complained about their own problem. The feeling is exhilarating.” So basically this is the so called ‘No one has ever treated me like this. Except this girl, my God, she’s intriguing’. Weston enjoys Tessa’s rude behaviour. “So she’s stubborn. She’s rude. She’s a spitfire wallflower who lost her sight and now hates anyone who tries to help her. Game on.” ...Are you five? “Tessa is the only Dickinson who doesn’t like me.” I have no idea why that could be. But, listen, listen: “I turn around in the desk chair, throwing her a hard look over my shoulder. She’s still sitting rigid and stoic on her bed, staring at nothing. She’s actually really pretty. Her eyes are bluer than mine—the enhanced kind of blue you see in contact lens commercials. She has freckles, too. Just a few, thrown across her nose and cheeks. Her hair is braided today, less messy. She looks so serious. I liked it better when she was screaming and crying.” Idk somehow this sounds like every badly composed romance I’ve ever seen. Let’s just say the progression of the relationship between Weston and Tessa infuriated me 90% of the story. You can help others without being an ass. You can also help others without being a horrible love interest, but that’s for another day. YA contemporaries don’t work like that.

Oh Weston, what a knight in shining armour. Three years prior, he had this thing with Clara Hernandez–a girl from school. It wasn’t real dating but they spent some time together (he walked her to class ooooh~~~) so she became “at the time, my unofficial girlfriend”. Things change after Weston’s accident, of course. He tells her he doesn’t want to continue their ambiguous relationship. And that’s alright, it’s his choice, BUT he then kind of passes the girl to his best friend, so she won’t annoy him anymore? The way he narrates the whole thing is...ugh. “But she wasn’t even dumping me, and we weren’t even dating. We were thirteen years old, for crying out loud.” See, this is Weston thinking about what happened. And this is him telling Rudy about it: “What were you talking to Clara about?” he (Rudy) asked. “I dumped her.” Following in another chapter they talk about how now that the coast is clear––Weston and Clara are through, Rudy should hit on Clara: “He wanted to resist the whole thing and deny his obvious crush on Clara Hernandez. But he couldn’t do anything except laugh and shake his head. He knew I was the best friend he could ever ask for.” Such a kind and caring person for handing out the girl he doesn’t really want to his best friend. Give him a medal for that one. Idk this whole business irked me to no end, like Clara was his possession or something. (Yeah, and the poor girl eventually ended up with Rudy, not like she had any other choice…)

- Downplaying female friendship. Yeah, that one happens as well. When Tessa talks with her friends (her blogging circle) the only thing we as readers can glimpse about their conversation is “Tell us more about the boy,” like... really? Because once again that’s the only thing a group of friends can talk about when one of them suffers an accident resulting in trauma. And Tessa’s answer? “At first, I didn’t like him. I thought he didn’t understand anything about me—even though he acted like he did. And I’m not sure that he understands much, even now. But he’s kind. And patient. And he kept coming back to type poetry for me, so I’ve kind of been forced to make friends with him.” The reply of her friends… “Aw ... He sounds really cute.” Yeah, really cute, forcing you to be friends with him. “How can you not be in love with a boy who makes you waffles?” Well, friend no.5, it’s not that hard… But there’s more. After Tessa gets her sight back the only thing we get from this supporting bubble of warm friends is as follows: “LIV: TESSA HOW ARE YOU FEELING ME: a lot better actually ME: my headache FINALLY went away MARIA: yayy!! ALLISON: PRAISE THE LORD ME: yeah fr KATE: So glad to hear you’re doing better, Tessa! It must be quite a transition omg… GRACIE: I can’t even imagine ME: it’s been pretty crazy ME: but good ME: I guess ME: ugh idk mixed emotions LIV: ???? LIV: TELL US EVERYTHING LIV: if u want to lol ME: ahhh well ME: Weston is kind of not talking to me anymore,” That is it my friends. Two to three sentences about her condition and it’s time to talk about the boy. Is this really how shallow anyone would want to describe the protagonist and her close-knit group of friends talking for the first time after one of them lost their sight? Then again, talking for the first time after she got her sight back? I’m disappointed to say the least.

- I didn’t care for any other character enough to jot down my observations. They were bland, they were there to help the main couple, nothing more, nothing less. Weston’s kid brothers were cute and Rudy seemed like a normal, sane character (I applaud him for that). All I can say is the families in this novel are something else.

The romance.

Okay, let me state before anything else: I like romance if there’s balance. I like romance when the people involved are equals. I believe a relationship, and a good one at that, should have cornerstones. One of them has to be that equality. It also doesn’t hurt if none of the involved parties are assholes. The romance can be of any trope as long as the happy ending is tied to said relationship being healthy. And I don’t mean sorely the end product; the way that relationship is constructed step by step should resemble these things. If not, at least call them out for it. I’m not the advocate of perfect characters or relationships (any kind, not just romance) because that would be really unrealistic. It can be bad, yeah, it can be toxic, or a little messed up in the middle. But for crying out loud reflect that in the storytelling! Do it especially if the story is planned for a younger audience! Now let me make another statement: What I don’t like is that in mostly American YA het-romances there are rarely any of these things.

- This one here is probably supposed to be the writer’s well liked trope of hate-to-love romance, but I feel the concept of kindergarteners is more fitting. The boy forces, the girl yields. But it’s okay because he likes her and wants to help.

There are some cases of harassment sprinkled in, as in one party objecting the other’s closeness or presence and the latter not giving a damn about this. Real respectful; but, hey, that’s part of consent too so I guess it simply flew over our heads in this particular story. A fresh and original concept on romance, wholesome and healthy. And the thing is, Weston actually knows these things. He literally says so in the book, “...until I intruded on Tessa’s life, however it happened.”

And of course Tessa is more pure than fresh snow on white lillies; she’s basically a lotus. Weston is the first boy stepping into her room. Give me a second to freak out about that. It’s so exciting! (Mostly by knowing the circumstances in which he did that.)

The other thing that annoyed me was Weston’s entitlement and holier-than-thou attitude. He knows everything better than Tessa. He knows Tessa better than she herself does WHEN HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT HER. That’s the moral of the story. No, but I’m not kidding, some of his thoughts set me on fire. “She wrote about sunlight and oceans and falling in love, when I’m pretty sure she has no idea what it feels like to fall in love.” I’m sorry, but do you know Tessa? (besides stalking her via the grandparents)???? The audacity, I’m cackling.

- Can someone tell me why Tessa speaks with Weston if she doesn’t want to? I mean besides that this way the story can go on. She actually starts their conversation on the second day. Me, personally, don’t talk to people whose presence I can barely tolerate. How silly, I know.

- Weston annoys the shit put of Tessa for like five minutes but he talks to her, (for his own selfish reasons may I add––Weston, honey, if you want people not to pity you try helping blind little kids who actually want your help) and brings her flowers, and chocolate so I guess it’s reasonable that approximately four days later Tessa’s attitude shifts to comparing him to sunlight. “Weston is everything And all at once. Weston is gentle And harsh. Weston can be blindingly bright But then he can also be Delicately soft. Weston is a paradox.” – Oof girl.

- Let me tell you kids just because someone annoys or teases you and you tolerate it––that’s not the get-go to life changing love. Even though he’s the first real life boy whom you’ve ever spent casual time with. But he’s the first boy who ever showed you real attention, you say. Well then, that’s a grace girls have to accept. Or so this book and so many others try to make us believe. The sad thing is, there actually could’ve been a conflict––if one wants to write about opposites attracting each other so much––without making the story so cliched and weak.

Plot-holes.

- Maybe it’s nitpicking for some, BUT… why was Weston in his dad’s office in the first place? I never got around to the reason of that. He loiters around there once a week, that’s what the book states. Well, okay, he is there inspecting the motivational quotes collection on the wall while his father just works away. And am I supposed to believe the man is all cool with this? What is Weston doing there? For what reason? The answer is easy: he simply had to hear the phone call of Tessa’s grandfather retracting the ad.

- Now why does his father–the owner of the newspaper–accept calls regarding ads in the first place? Is this really how things work? Other employees do nothing? I’ve worked at a small printing company in the past. The management only accepted calls regarding ads if there wasn’t a single soul anywhere near the perimeter of the office. There’s a department for jobs like this. Bosses don’t qualify.

- About the already mentioned beautiful first meeting, where sparks fly, and the lovely couple can roll off a great start... If Tessa didn’t want to meet anyone why didn’t she lock her door? That’s a pretty easy task. At first I thought maybe there’s no lock on the door. But wait; after the disastrous meeting she locks herself away. “The door is locked, and Grandma has stopped trying to open it.” Sooo there was a lock after all…...okay…….

- Why is almost everyone in this book freckled with blonde hair and blue eyes? Okay, this really is just nitpicking, but like, is there some symbolism in that? *bounces eyebrows* Ehem, if you know what I mean.

- I’m not sure if this is an actual plot-hole but I was really surprised by the lack of anxiety Weston’s approach triggered in Tessa. Essentially, Weston is a stranger at the start of the book, with whom she gets locked into a room, without anyone else in there, when she’s still adjusting to the fact she can’t see. I especially looked out for it; Weston closes her door every time he’s over at their house to speak with her. I mean the first time she’s angry; but what about later? She doesn’t even seem nervous or affected by this at a time when her blindness is still fresh. Yet, when they go to Barnes & Noble, a public space with people around, Tessa is anxious the minute Weston leaves for a bathroom break. Like okay, some strange dude tries to pick her up and she’s rightfully terrified, but all she has to do is call out. Now both of these scenes are pressuring and scary, but where’s the difference? Tessa is nervous when the stranger approaches her in the book store, a big and open space with people around even before said stranger tries to initiate skinship. She tells him to leave her alone. But she did just that when Weston first went to see her. And Weston didn’t give a shit about it, much like the high schooler at the book store. And I’m supposed to believe with Weston she wasn’t apprehensive at all? Of course she wasn’t… he’s the love interest.

The whole book store scene makes me so uncomfortable and NOT because of what you’d think. It’s simply distasteful to create a scenario like that only to draw it back to… yes, you guessed it, Weston. He’s the saviour sweeping Tessa off her feet with “Get your hands off my girl” and chasing away that jerk. Why is it that still, in the year of *looks at smudged handwriting on hand* sometime past the 1890s there’s the need to use The Jerk™ hitting on the girl and The Nice Guy™ saving her by making her seem like his property? Oh did I forgot to mention the jerk smelled like cigarettes, and his pants were falling off his ass. I’m surprised he wasn’t wearing a leather jacket or had piercings just to fit the look to a T. That usage of my girl ...ugrghgh I can already feel white hairs sprouting from this. Look, I’m not against the idea of belonging to your beloved. If you want to say it, cool, do it. But when it’s not consensual, and you’re not a couple who already expressed to one another the wish to be viewed that way maybe DON’T FUCKING USE IT. Not to one up another guy trying scare the baddie away. Man, don’t do that. *channelling my inner LE to rap the last line really loud* What’s even better than this? Tessa’s reaction: “Despite the gravity of the situation, I can’t help but smile and get butterflies all over again.” REALLY???? Please donate braincells to this girl. She really needs it.

The dynamic of relationships.

- This is mind bogging for me. Almost all relations (excluding the most fundamental ones) serve a sole reason: cheer on and make the main couple happen. This book is promoted as a love story, one, not limited to romance. It’s a love story of family bonds, love between brothers, and grandparents, and friends. And that’s true for Weston… but for Tessa??? I don’t think so. But maybe that stems from how underdeveloped Tessa’s character is.

- The main couple’s dynamic is so stilted. Weston basically caused the state he is in, Tessa suffered an accident caused by outer circumstances. She’s the victim of a drunk driver, while quite frankly, Weston’s the victim of his own stupidity. And yet, since Weston decided to fight for himself he expects Tessa to do the same. Now that’s a nice thought, even if it’s about someone you barely know and met maybe two times in your life. Is that a reason to harass the other and tell them what to do, not taking no for an answer? I highly doubt it. Weston wanted to get better so he pressed himself, but he made that choice himself. It’s beautifully written down not once, not twice, but multiple times; how hard it was for him to choose between 1, the easy way––the flat grounded desert and 2, the hard scaling and rocky mountain range. He chose the mountain range and that’s admirable. What’s not admirable is, that from what I get from this book, Tessa never had the luxury of a choice. Because other’s never gave her time or let her decide for herself. Tessa says Weston is stubborn and obnoxiously optimistic. I think he’s just obnoxious, period.

- At the end of the book Tessa narrates how ashamed she feels and how her heart is breaking “Because of what Life has done to Weston.” For one, is Life responsible for what happened to Weston? I’d liked to read about how Weston tells the story of losing his legs to Tessa with a straight face, because all thorough the book he never once did that. To anyone. If that happened, he ought to admit how incredibly stupid he had been. As well as the consequences of his own decisions, every time he went on without saying a word or asking for help. That stubbornness is his character trait. Yes, it is, but we never get to see how that affected his family, there wasn’t one paragraph about his parents talking about it with him.

- On this note why is Tessa always so ashamed, feeling like she’s the brute, saying sorry to everyone at every chance? It’s not like others apologised to her once. This character trait only perpetuates the notion how everything others impose on her is fair trade because they only want to help. And either way, she only feels apologetic about standing up for herself.

Mentions of notable things that annoyed me.

- The judgement if a girl need makeup or not, because *banging pots and pans* she’s beautiful no matter what in the boy’s eyes. And he tells her just that. “Are you wearing makeup?” I ask, without thinking. Tessa smiles just a little. “Yeah,” she says. “Grandma helped me with it. This feels like… a special occasion.” “You don’t need it, you know. You look beautiful without it. But you look beautiful with it, too. You always look beautiful. Even when you’re crying.” Tessa really needed to know your opinion about her wearing makeup Weston. Kudos for you for telling her she doesn’t need it because she looks beautiful without it, but it’s okay to wear it as she looks beautiful with it too. Great input man!

- At this point I’m not even surprised, but there really was the girl staring at something, asking if it’s pretty. (Okay, Tessa couldn’t stare but she was probably imagining––here it’s the sundown, bc of the whole sunlight theme). Then the boy answering, “Yeah, it’s pretty.” Not as pretty as you, he thinks while staring straight at her. Hello, is this a Disney production?

Conclusion.

All in all is this the worst book ever? No. Are there unforgivable problems with it? Not explicitly.

My biggest problem is what message it sends about relationship patterns, patterns I hate with a fiery passion. It’s the same old shit I grew up with, and it’s the same old shit that doesn’t seem to change after twenty years. Not even now when,––with the help of the era of internet––everyone is suddenly so woke. But are they, really? All I saw about this novel is the raving reviews praising it to heavens. And there are themes in it that deserve praise––the acceptance of one’s self, the loss, the forgiveness, the overcoming of hardships of life––but what about all that’s left? What about the execution?

Bottom line is, because this is a book, everything gets resolved and all is happy and fine at the end. However in real life, coercing others to do things against their will isn’t a glorious idea. Disregarding consent isn’t acceptable. Helping with the stubbornness of a mule isn’t really helping. And last but not least, perpetuating a mindset and a budding relationship like the one presented in this book––for a young audience shouldn’t be okay.

#100daysofsunlight #abbie emmons

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vagrantblvrd · 4 years

Note

so i started watching The Old Guard because of your posts and mashes so well with the Immortal!FAHC so i was wondering, what are your thoughts on that, like who is the oldest, which era is each member of the crew from, how did they die the first time, and so on :3

Yesssss. >:D

But, no I hope you liked it, friend!

The first time I watched I was thinking that too!

As to Immortal!FAHC I have many thoughts on it from before watching this movie.

I’m also no good at history, and get my eras mixed up? (Like oh my God I had that intense focus thing going on as a kid for a while for WWII warplanes after watching Memphis Belle with my dad, but aside from that, yeah???)

(All of this is to say please excuse inaccuracies as most of what I know is from media and Wikipedia. Also, some of these are more well thought out than others, so pls to keep that in mind.)

Presented in no particular order:

My favorite take on it though has Gavin as the oldest, right? (Pretends he isn’t, but the others find out over time because he stops trying to hide it when he realizes it’s not an issue with them the way it’s been with other immortals he’s run across for whatever reason.)

Born during the Bronze Age and the person he was back then was just awful, horrible little asshole without redeeming qualities to speak of whatsoever.

Came from a wealthy/important family which is something that’s people can still tell to this day even if he’s not a bastard about it anymore.

He died alone and unloved (no reason to love the person he was back then, something he freely admits to anyone asking who wants the real answer) to thieves/bandits or some wasting illness, idk.

From there he learns how not to be a complete piece of shit and honestly, it takes him a long goddamned time.

Lifetimes, really. (Not his, of course, but as time goes and all that.)

Watching and learning from the people around him from the poor farmers and so on who take pity on this dirty traveler on the verge of starving to death to emperors and kings and queens and other puffed up royalty and such.

Favored Italy and England enough that he’s woven both into the Golden Boy’s persona with the accent and references to this grandfather of his that he makes to people who don’t know he’s an immortal.

(Definitely has ties to the mafia, if not served as the head of the Italian mafia for a time, making a comeback as a long-lost/bastard descendant recently discovered with a remarkable likeness to a former mafia head who’s since moved to Los Santos, because of course he did.)

To be fair, he’s still learning with the Fakes, found family and all, and he’s the happiest he can remember being? (Because sappy feels and the whatnot.)

Jack I picture as a viking, because the beard and uh, not much else reason for that line of thinking.

Just this great warrior/peacemaker among his people who dies in battle. (Possibly betrayed because jealous fellow viking at how well-liked and respected Jack is and so on.)

He’s “mellowed” over time, likes to play friendly and affable and so on, will let himself be insulted if it serves the crew’s interests and such? But oh, wow, watch out when he’s angry? (Especially if it’s due to someone hurting someone he cares about.)

Ryan I see as medieval times with the whole kings and queens and knights. (Possibly due to the influence of Kings AU???)

Noble born and served as a knight before being killed in battle or spot of ~intrigue by a political rival/enemy.

Totally got his revenge before realizing the kind of trouble he’d be in if he tried to reclaim his life - unnatural and all - and ended up living a nomadic lifestyle after that. (A vagabond, if you will, because that never not stops being funny to me.)

He gets tangled up with thieves and the like for a while, did some murder for hire that’s been his main career path ever since.

(And okay, if one of the thieves he worked with for a while was this skinny bastard with a big nose and the most ridiculous questions that’s possibly a thing that happened, because reasons. And Freewood.)

Michael I see coming in around the Revolutionary War?

Family moved to the colonies when he was a kid and so on. Signing on to fight against the British and dying in a battle against them, still remembers what it felt like bleeding out in the mud. Has nightmares about it sometimes.

There used to be this whole Thing about it when he met Gavin whenever he leans hard on the British bit that gets even more involved after Jeremy joins the crew.

(Also, also. If Michael and Jeremy collude together against that British asshole, well. That’s a thing that happens. Along with smooches, because none of your goddamned business about that, okay?)

Jeremy comes in during the whole cowboy era, because of the Rimmy Tim getup and I think it’s hilarious as hell.

Originally from Boston (hence the dumb running joke with Gavin and Michael)and moved to the ~wild west as a kid because Adventure and then shenanigans?

Died in a train heist gone horribly wrong and just. He doesn’t like to talk about it, but since he mentioned once it has something to do with his fear of heights, just.

Yikes, you know?

Also, also, the whole bit about cars becoming a thing just before he died (I’m trying not to make a joke about it being of dysentery on a certain trail, but it’s so hard), which is part of why he’s got a Thing about cars now.

(Vroom-vroom fast and that armada of his.)

Trevor, okay, Trevor.

Based pretty much on what his GTA V character used to wear and Trevor himself makes me think of Prohibition-era gangster along with Alfredo?

He and Alfredo started out as street kids in Chicago and the fastest/easiest way to make money for kids like them involved the mob and it was just.

A thing that happened? The two of them coming up in the ranks and BFFs (possibly something more, who can say???) before getting gunned down by rivals one day.

Would have woken up together if the morgue hadn’t fucked up so they went a few years thinking the other had died before accidentally running into one another again, because reasons.

They’ve been together ever since, a pain in Geoff’s ass before he managed to get them to sign on with the crew.

(Trevor kept the fashion sense he had from back then, because of course he did. Doesn’t always dress like he used to, but sometimes he gets the urge and Alfredo laughs at him for it, but he never says a word against it because Trevor looks good like that, you know?)

Speaking of Geoff?

Born around the time Trevor and Fredo were running from Elliott Ness and his Untouchables.

Lied about his age to join the Army and served overseas in the European theater in WWII. Infantry, saw his share of battles that took the shine out of things (what there was to the stupid he kid he was) really damn fast.

Actually survived through the end of the war and made his way back to the US, did some odd jobs here and there for a while as he tried to figure things out.

Listened to the wrong friend (or right one?) and ended up working for some criminal-types, got dragged into the life before he knew it.

Managed to stay alive, learning the ins and outs of being a criminal and all that up until his luck ran out and he ran afoul of some corrupt cops.

Woke up in a ditch somewhere coughing up bullets and freaked out as hell - anyone would be - and then, uh.

Kind of kept going?

Figured shit out as he went, and ran into Jack sometime in the fifties, sixties? Whenever and it was them for the longest damn time before Geoff got the idea to set up in Los Santos for a bit, see how that worked out for them.

(Regret. So much regret because look at all the assholes fucking up his life after that, you know? Really, Jack, stop laughing at him because you’re part of the problem, jackass.)

Lindsay I see as being either relatively young - died in the 80s, 90s? - or as old as if not older than Gavin, depending on the day? (My day??? Idk, I love both a hell of a lot.)

Died in a bank robbery when the asshole responsible for setting the charges to get into the vault miscalculated how much explosives were needed and it was just.

Messy.

Super, super messy.

Fiona is absolutely the youngest, someone Gavin ran into in Europe when he pulled the thing about being his own descendant.

Met her in Paris on his way to the US when she got so goddamned angry at him for accusing her of picking his pocket (a thing she totally did, btw), but she cased such a scene she managed to escape before the cops or Gavin could do anything about it.

She dies in Liberty City working for some assholes who never deserved her, and Gavin happens to be there when she makes the mistake of picking pockets to get enough money to get the hell out of the city before anyone realizes she’s not as dead as she could be?

Terrible disguise of baseball hat, big sunglasses and a scarf over her face, but her response at being caught out as a thief is too similar for Gavin not to realize it’s her.

And then, you know.

He mentions this crew out in Los Santos that would be interested in someone like her? Not as a pickpocket because she’s clearly awful at it - “Hey!” - but they’ve chatted a bit and she mentioned something about sniping - or maybe just perked up when he brought it up.

(Visiting a sniper he used to work with and so on.)

Anyway, why not look them up if she’s ever in Los Santos?

And then she does, of course, and then shenanigans???

Also, also, some of them definitely crossed paths over the years. Ran into one another and are all, “Oh, this asshole again,” maybe work together for a while before going their own ways

They all have this story about meeting Gavin for the first time that no one, no one puts together for the longest damn time.

Like.

How the hell could Jack have met Gavin back when he was being a viking when Gavin claims he died in the 60s?

(Claimed to know the Beatles personally, because of course he did.)

Ryan and that thief he met that one time, got all these FEELS for him that had them being partners in crime for a long, long time before circumstanced forced them apart.

...And then met him again a century or so later and on opposite sides before Gavin did a heroic “sacrifice” to save him at the expense of his current cover. Like, they totally picked up where they left off afterward, because not that stupid? But they got maybe fifteen, twenty years after that together before they were forced apart by circumstances again.

Pattern repeats for a long goddamned time before they happen to meet up again around the time Geoff and Jack get to Los Santos and so far their luck seems to be holding steady. (I just. Man, I love the idea of them being the kind of assholes who are stupid in love with one another but the universe at large is like, lol and tosses a wrench into the works every once in a while for the hell of it and them eventually finding one another again. Because DELICIOUS ANGST.)

Or Michael when he was marching to the next battle and some asshole asking him the stupidest question imaginable next to him? (British accent, sure, but he wasn’t the only one on their side with one, so yes.)

Jeremy and that one Pinkerton agent that one time???

Lindsay and that asshole working for a rival gang who didn’t kill her even though he could have? (When she asks sometime after joining the Fakes he’s just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ even though he didn’t like the asshole he was working for at the time and actually engineered the bastard’s death, but yeah, sure, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .

Fiona, well.

Everyone knows that story because she’s like “YOU MOTHERFUCKER,” when she sees him at the penthouse the first time he strolls through the door after she joins the crew.

And just.

Yes.

They put the pieces together at some point and are like son of a bitch because they figured Gavin’s story about being a beatnik or whatever he said he was when he died was the truth?

And Gavin’s like, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ because technically it wasn’t a lie.

He was a beatnik when he died in the 60s, it’s just that that wasn’t the first time he died.

Eventually he tells them about it in bits and pieces, because they don’t push, demand an explanation. (God knows they’ve all got their secrets and reasons for them and such.)

He tells them because he trusts them and they prove he’s right to by not betraying his trust in them and I’m just, like. Full of FEELS right now, so yes.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALSO.

Bonus?

But I seriously love the idea of Meg being the inspiration behind the Morrigan.

Just.

Yes.

And if she happens to meet Ryan and Gavin while those two idiots are thieving their way across Europe sometime? That’s definitely a thing that happened.

Also, also, you know she checks up on them in Los Santos from time to time, because old friends (possibly more?) and gets along with Lindsay and Fiona like a house on fire.

Sometimes literally, the three of them >:DDDDDDDD while Geoff’s back at the penthouse shut up in his room because no, no, do not tell him how much of his city’s on fire, Trevor, no.

Idk whether I like former Roman soldier Dan or medieval knight Dan, but whichever one it is he and Gavin go way, way back and they delight in shenanigating about almost as much as Meg and her terrors do in that Geoff is very much :(((((((((((((((((((((((((( when they get together because some part of the city is guaranteed to be on fire at any given point.

#ragehappy #freewood #jackeoff #alfreyco #jeremichael #immortal!FAHC au #technically not a fic #vagrant fic #¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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darlinvandijk · 4 years

Text

Always been you

Concept: request where “Can you do an imagine where y/n and ruel are older and she decides she wants to go to college in LA ; they try the long distance relationship but it doesn’t work out bc she’s too busy with her studies meanwhile he becomes more popular and travels more often, but after 4 years she goes to one of his concerts and they reunite?”. Shoutout to my friend for giving me an idea to start this! Dm me and whatnot for a request!(really fucking long btw) Hope you enjoy :)

I sit by my phone frowning as I watch the FaceTime screen ring for a bit, before showing me that the call wasn’t answered. Looks like Ruel is busy, yet again. It’s not that I’m mad at him for not picking up, he has a job to do that takes up countless hours of his time, and I’m proud of the dedication he has when it comes to his career. I’m just upset that lately it seems like we never talk, he calls when I’m asleep or working, or I call when he’s asleep or working. It just seems like nothing is working for us, but I can’t not be with him, he’s my whole world. I finally clear my thoughts and stand up from my bed, making my way to my bathroom so I can have a relaxing shower, and hopefully come out to see a message from Ruel.

I make my way out of the bathroom in my favorite hoodie that I took from Ruel, jumping onto my bed to check my phone notifs, feeling my heart flutter at the text from “bubs <3”. I immediately click it, typing down a response as fast as I can, hoping he’s not busy or asleep yet. Luck is finally on my side when I get a response, mere seconds after I had sent mine.

Baby I’m so sorry, I would’ve answered but I was on stage

It’s okay bubs, how was the concert? I know how much you love Amsterdam :)

It was amazing! They were so into everything and I swear they knew lyrics to unreleased songs which was kinda wild.. wish u were here tho

I’m happy for you baby!! You know how your fans are, they find everything out lmao

Are you okay? You kinda ignored the last thing I said

I’m okay, sorry I just didn’t want to reply to it and get all emotional on you lol

I let out a shaky breath when I hit send, already feeling my built up emotions get ready to spill over, I just miss him so much. I see him typing for a couple of seconds, before the little bubble disappears, instantly replaced by my screen lighting up with an incoming FaceTime call. I hesitantly answer, making sure the hood on Ruels hoodie is covering my face a little, knowing it’s already getting splotchy from being so emotional. I watch as the screen lights up, with my beautiful boyfriend laying on his bed in the back of the bus, staring at me silently.

“Hey love, wanna remove that hood for me? I want to see that beautiful face of yours-” he quietly whispers out, not wanting to overwhelm me. He can read me like a book, which is how he can always tell when something’s wrong. I let out a quiet sigh, pulling the hood back, looking away from the phone so that I don’t have to see the look on his face. I hear him sigh out once he takes in my under eye bags, splotchy red face, and shiny eyes. He takes in a deep breath before asking the question he didn’t want to ask, “is this because of me?” He whispers out, his voice breaking with emotion. I stare at him with wide eyes, shocked by the question, and also unsure on how to reply to it.

“No! You didn’t do anything wrong, I’m just a little touchy today.” I instantly blurt out, not wanting him to feel bad, because I already know he’s thinking about all the missed calls we’ve had. More than we could count just this week. He watches me, giving me an unconvinced look, running a hand roughly through his hair. We’re both silent for a little bit, trying to figure out what was so different about this phone call compared to others, because this tension floating through the air has never happened before, I’m more unnerved than I’ve ever been with him.

“I know that’s not true. I know it’s getting to you, all the missed calls and late replies. It’s getting to me too. I just don’t know how to fix it baby, but trust me when I say I’m trying to.” He whimpers out, causing my eyes to water even more at his obvious distress. I send him a watery smile and place a kiss to my promise ring, watching as he sends me a small smile while placing a kiss to the necklace he wears for me. It’s a silver pendant with my first initial, he got it the same time he gave me this ring, which was over a year ago on our second anniversary together.

“I love you, even if things have been a little difficult lately. School has just been taking up so much of my time lately and it��s hard to find times to talk when you’re in a whole other country. It’s not your fault and it’s not mine, life just has a crazy way of handling things I guess” I mumble out, watching him nod his head, reaching a hand up to wipe his eyes of the unwanted tears. I wipe my eyes with the sleeves of his hoodie, only to look back at the screen, seeing him with a completely shattered expression. I freeze and practically stop breathing, scared of what he was about to say to me. A choked sob escapes him, tears making their way down his face as he holds onto the pendant dangling in front of his chest.

“You know I love you, right? You’re my whole world, my soulmate, my everything. I wouldn’t do anything if I didn’t think it’d benefit you.” He chokes out, his eyes blurry with tears as I stare at him with my own tears pouring down my face. I’m instantly filled with fear when I see the way he’s acting, because he’s never like this, which means whatever it about to happen is going to hurt me the same way it’s hurting him. I breathe in shakily, spinning the promise ring around my finger, giving him a small nod before getting the courage to talk.

“I know you do, I love you too. We’ve always been soulmates and always will be. You’re it for me, there will never be anyone else.” I cry out, feeling like I’m saying a goodbye rather than reassuring him. He nods his head frantically, showing me that he agrees with my statement completely. I watch him open his mouth to speak, before another cry rips out from his throat, one that sounds completely and utterly heartbroken. I immediately wince upon hearing it, feeling my heart spike as I realize what he was leading up to, as I realize the what he’s about to do for the both of us. I’m unable to open my mouth to talk, completely losing my mind as I sob and shake my head no, hoping it’s enough to stop him before he says it. It didn’t work.

“I love you. I love you so much that I’m doing this for you, I’m doing it for the both of us. I’m breaking up with you, I’m so sorry baby.” He sobs out, feeling like he lost the one thing that ever truly mattered to him. The one thing that he’d give his career up for. I sit there completely frozen, unable to comprehend the words that just came out of his mouth, before my body shakes with the sobs I let out. I feel my chest physically ache like someone tried to rip my heart out, instantly reaching my hands up to hold my chest in hopes of easing the pain. I knew that heartbreak sucked, I just never knew how much it’d actually hurt.

“Please.. please don’t do this. I love you Ruel. I need you.” I cry out, my voice sounding so unattached from me, that I barely even register the words coming out. He watches me as tears and sobs shake his body, taking in everything about me for what he knows will be the last time for awhile. I watch the way his red rimmed green eyes flit over me through the screen, drinking me in with all that he can. Not even realizing my eyes are doing the same through their teary filled gaze.

“I love you baby, I love you with all I’ve got. I’m doing this for you, you need to focus on school and working for everything you’ve ever dreamed of. I don’t want you to miss out on living your life over there just because I can’t be with you. I’m only getting in the way of that, which means I need to let you go.” He whispers out, our tears having finally been drained from our bodies, leaving us in a broken silence. I don’t reply for a second, only hearing the shaky breathing we’re both releasing, before I come to terms with the fact that he won’t change his mind about this.

“I love you too. Promise you won’t forget about me? No matter what happens, you can’t forget about me-“ I whisper out, watching the pained look on his face when my voice cracks. He gives me a shaky smile, his eyes filled with disbelief at my question. He opens his mouth to respond, but I beat him to it, not fully done with my requests. “and I’ll always be your best friend right? Like you’ll like all my insta posts still and you’ll always tell me happy birthday?” I whimper out, knowing that the requests might sound dumb, but he’ll understand what I mean. He gives me the same boyish grin I fell in love with, a few stray tears making their way down his puffy face.

“Baby I could never forget about you, you’re my whole world. You’ll be my best friend till the day I die, I’ll like all your posts as soon as you post them, since I have notifs for you, and I’ll tell you happy birthday at 12 like I do every time. I promise with everything inside of me.” He states, trying to make his voice as strong as possible, but still not being able to fully hide the tremors that shake his voice. I give him a smile, knowing how terrible I must look right now, but not caring as I gaze at the beautiful boy who will always hold my heart in his hands.

“One last thing... promise you’ll love me forever?” I choke out, feeling the way the call was on its way towards ending, wanting to hold on to any last bit of him for as long as I could. He lets out a exasperated scoff at my question, not even knowing where to start with it.

“I’ll love you till the day I die and even after that. Our love is eternal sweetheart, no matter what we’ll always make our way back to each other. I promise.” He states with so much conviction, leaving no room to even question him. I nod my head and watch him, feeling my heart break all over again as I realize it’s time to say goodbye. It’s time to say goodbye to the love of my life. To my best friend. We spend a few minutes staring at each other, not wanting to deal with the inevitable outcome of ending this call.

“This isn’t a goodbye, it’s just a see you later, okay? We’ll be together again, but not till the times right for us. I’m not giving up on you. I love you.” He breathily lets out, staring into my eyes with nothing but pure love in his eyes. I whimper as he finishes his sentence, feeling my heart officially tear into two, knowing this was it. I wipe my eyes hastily, not wanting to miss the last seconds I have with him, wanting to look at him one last time before we end this call.

“I won’t give up on you either, I’ll see you later. I love you.” I whisper out, watching the way he looks me over one final time. We send each other heartbroken smiles as I kiss my ring and he kisses his necklace, neither of us knowing when we’ll be together again. He gives me a small wave while blowing a tiny kiss to the screen before the call disconnects, leaving me completely shattered.

———

Days seemed to pass by slower than ever, all filled with endless calls from the Van Dijk family, excluding the one person I wanted to call me the most. The breakup hurt their family almost as much as it hurt me, endless amounts of tears over FaceTime calls as the girls and Kate called me, not believing that we would ever break up. The moment they saw my puffy eyes and tear streaked face I could almost hear their hearts break, but slowly time seemed to heal my wounds. I wouldn’t say fully healed even if it’s been 2 years, but healed enough to where I can look at pictures of us without it ripping my heart out. This morning when I woke up, I saw that he had sent me a birthday message at 12, just like he always does and promised to continue doing so, leaving me a teary eyed mess from missing him.

Today I was meeting up with Coco and Sylvie for my birthday brunch, since the two flew down to Los Angeles to spend some time with me during my college holiday break. I stood in front of my mirror, putting on my final touches of makeup, and adjusting my clothes. Once I felt ready to leave, I walk out of my apartment and head down the street, to the small pastry shop the girls wanted to meet at.

As I walk in, I feel my stomach fill with excitement, ready to see the two girls who I love more than myself. Before I can even spot them, I hear Coco shriek, immediately running to pull me into a bone crushing hug. As soon as she lets me go so that I can breathe, I end up pulled into another tight hug, watching her laugh as Sylvie practically strangled me. Sylvie pulls away and drags me to the table they have, having already ordered for all of us since they know my order by heart after being so close all these years. They cheer out their happy birthdays to me once we sit down, handing me the gifts they bought me before they both look at me from across the table, with matching grins but what appears to be a slight hesitant look in their eyes.

“Spill the tea, I can tell by the looks on your faces you have something to say” I laugh out, watching as Coco roll her eyes. I give them a reassuring smile, hoping to ease their nerves on whatever they have to say, but feeling a pit form in my stomach since I know it probably has to do with the person I still haven’t moved on from. Sylvie takes in a deep breathe, reaching out to grab my hand that’s on the table, giving it a light squeeze. I’m immediately on edge at her actions, my mind instantly jumping to the worst conclusions, the first one being that he got a new girlfriend. Let’s just say I was completely wrong with my assumptions.

“Have you moved on?” Sylvie blurts out, completely throwing me off, because they would be the first two to know if I ever did. I stare at them with wide eyes, not sure on how to reply to the question, because there’s obviously a reason they’d have brought that up. I open and close my mouth a few times as I try to come up with something to say. The looks on their faces become more uneased at my lack of a response, causing me to blurt our the last thing I’d want to say.

“How can I move on when I check your brothers insta at least once every hour?-” I spill out, watching their faces instantly switch to those of amusement. I let out a groan at my embarrassing confession, covering my face as it heats up, praying that the ground will just swallow me whole. I uncover my face so that I can try and salvage what’s left of my dignity, “what I meant was that I haven’t moved on to anyone else, like the first thing I did when I woke up was check to see if he sent me a message. Why would you think I did?” I question them. I watch as both sets of eyes travel to the neckline of shirt, before they slowly trail back to my eyes, both with perplexed expressions.

“It’s just that your necklace is off, like you haven’t taken that necklace off ever, but all of a sudden it’s not on you?” Coco slowly states, immediately causing my hand to fly up to my neck, feeling my shirt rather than the promise ring, meaning that my necklace was indeed missing from my body. I let out a groan as I realize I had left it in my bathroom, having had taken it off before my shower earlier, and not putting it back on when I left. The necklace only ever leaves my body when I shower, meaning that it’s permanent residence is right against my chest, the same place the promise ring has layer ever since our breakup.

“Fuck, I never put it back on after my shower. It’s on the counter of the bathroom, I must’ve forgot it since I was so excited about seeing you guys” I mumble out, feeling like I was missing part of me without the ring, especially on a day like today. The girls give me sympathetic looks, knowing how much it means to me, especially since it’s the only thing I have that really connects me to Ruel. The girls swiftly change the conversation and talk about some of the gossip going around, before deciding we should just head back to my place.

Once we get back to my place we all sit down on my couch, their eyes wandering around and checking out some of the new things I’ve added since the last time they visited, softly smiling as they see I still have pictures of Ruel and I around. Coco grabs a frame and sends me a sad smile, her eyes looking over the photo fondly, what just so happened to be my favorite picture of us. The picture is one of my fondest memories of when Ruel and I were still together, we were all hanging out together on the beach, and Sylvie had snapped a pic when we weren’t paying attention. Our skin was glowing in the orange light from the sunset while he looked down at me with a lovestruck grin and I was laughing at something Kate had said, as I lay sprawled across his lap. I don’t think I’d ever been happier than I was at that moment.

“I miss you guys being together, but I know you’ll find your ways back to each other. You have to” Coco whispers out, with teary eyes as she thinks about the pain Ruel and I had gone through with the breakup, and the pain she knows we’re still feeling without each other. Sylvie nods her head while humming in agreement with her sister, silently praying that things work out soon, knowing her brother hasn’t been the same since everything happened between us. I give them a small shrug, my own eyes tearing up, knowing what they want won’t happen anytime soon, and I was right.

———

“You have got to be fucking with me?” I groan out, having just listened to the plans Coco just dragged me into. I hear her let out a sigh of frustration, annoyed that her plan wasn’t working out the way she had hoped, and knowing she was silently cursing me in her head. I hear Sylvie mumbling something to her in the background, before hearing Kate and Michelle make noises of agreement. I instantly tense up once she starts talking again, knowing that there was no way out of these plans she had set up.

“You promised you’d see us all tonight since it’s been a few months, you can’t break a promise. Please I promise it’ll be fun, please?” She states out, her tone becoming slightly pleading towards the end. I let out a sigh, running a hand down my face as I think about what would happen if I went. Like she has to understand why I don’t want to go, this isn’t going to just affect only me. I hear silence on the other line, knowing they’re crowded around the phone, waiting for me to answer, I take a deep breath before speaking up.

“Guys this isn’t only going to affect me. We were supposed to all see each other, you never said it would be at a concert. Let alone at fucking Ruels concert. I don’t think I can” I mutter out, feeling my heart constrict at the thought of him. It might’ve been 4 years since the breakup, but that doesn’t mean my heart doesn’t still hurt when I think of him. We’ve talked since the breakup, but it’s only ever been for birthdays, some holidays, and random messages here and there to say we hope the other is doing well. All in all, we’ve basically not legitimately interacted since the breakup, because I don’t think either of us could ever be just friends with each other. Trying to be friends would only hurt us.

“Please, I wouldn’t have you go if I knew it would hurt him. I love you both too much to do something that could harm either of you, please just trust me on this. He’d want you there.” She softly states, knowing how sensitive this topic was becoming the more I thought of him. I let out a quiet groan, before quietly agreeing to go with them. I hear them let out cheers, all of them ecstatic at the fact that they were able to get me to agree to go. Completely oblivious to the plan they had made, the plan that I set into action by agreeing to go.

“Yes! See you soon babes, love you” Coco shrieks, barely letting me reply before hanging up. I sigh as I stare at my blank screen, fiddling with my ring as it lays against my chest, before heading to my room to get ready for the events taking place in a little bit. I start doing my hair, thinking about all the possibilities tonight holds, like the thought of being face to face with him seems unreal, I can only hope he doesn’t feel uncomfortable with me being there.

I hum along to my playlist as I move on to my makeup, before freezing as a familiar tune starts playing. I listen as the beginning of painkiller fills my room, the memories from when this song was first written coming to the front of my mind. He had been nervously watching me as I lay across his bed, before hesitantly speaking up to tell me he wrote me a song, and of course I eagerly told him to sing it. I remember when he first started, I was completely enamored by him, feeling my eyes well up as I listened to the lyrics. That day was the first time we had said I love you to each other, when we both truly realized how much we meant to each other. That song means more to me than anything else in the world, it’s not just the song that’s important to me, but the day that means everything to me.

I clear my throat, dabbing at my eyes to get rid of any unwanted moisture, as I finally come back to my senses when the song finishes. I let out a sigh, continuing on with my makeup, before finally finishing up. I check my phone and see that Coco will be getting me in 20 minutes to head out, instantly causing me to rush around to find an outfit. While he probably feels nothing for me after so much time, I still want to at least look decent when we cross paths again. I get my clothes on and look at myself in the mirror, before deciding it’s good enough. I head out of my apartment and walk out, instantly spotting Coco standing outside a car waiting for me. I run over to her, instantly embracing her in a tight hug, having missed her more than anything the past couple months it’s been since I saw her last.

“Ready for tonight?” She questions with a look in her eyes that I can’t decipher, but immediately puts me on edge. I narrow my eyes as I look at her, trying to gauge her emotions, because Coco isn’t Coco without some sort of insane plan. She stares at me with doe eyes, appearing completely innocent, while she waits for me to reply to her.

“I don’t know, it’s been 4 years Co. Like that’s a long time and I don’t want to burden him you know” I whisper out, glancing out the window while feeling insecure at the thought of him possibly not wanting to even see me. Coco rolls her eyes at the back of my head, knowing that Ruel is still just as in love with me as he was when we were still together. She puts her hand on my knee and lets me think for the remainder of the car ride, while she tries to hide the smirk on her face, knowing the plan she had was going to work out perfectly on the unsuspecting pair.

We pull into the venue, getting escorted through the back entrance by security guards so that the fans couldn’t see either of us. I’m thankful the fans couldn’t see us because of the fact that they’d recognize me immediately, and start rumors on social media, even though there have been plenty of them since we broke up. Especially since he still likes all my insta posts and comments on them every now and then, fueling the fans to believe that the breakup wasn’t real. The real fans know it was though, they could sense the instant change and shift in us, no matter how hard we tried to act happy and fine on our socials for them. Little did I know, Coco was happy the fans couldn’t see me since it would fuck up her plan, because Ruel would basically be instantly notified of my presence.

We walk through hallways backstage before Coco leads me into a small room, where I’m instantly pulled into hug by Kate. She rocks us side to side, holding me as tight as she can, while the girls stand around with teary eyes watching the interaction. We finally pull away from the hug, Kate putting her hand on my face as she watches me with a look of pure motherly adoration, instantly making my eyes water with emotion.

“My other baby is finally back” Kate whispers out, the grin never leaving her face, feeling complete that all her girls and her son were finally in one place again. Kate has always called me one of her baby’s or her daughter, because she said I was destined to be her daughter in-law so why not just start early. I let out a small laugh at the way Coco and Sylvie have their phones out to record, before walking over to give Sylvie a hug. We pull away and she compliments my outfit, before pushing me into the arms of Michelle. I let out a laugh as Michelle whispers that if I ever disappear for 4 years again, she’d kill Ruel and I for doing that to everyone again. We pull away from the hug and stand around conversing with each other about anything and everything, before the door opens and someone walks in.

“Oh you little fucking shit-” He laughs out as I turn my head, just to be pulled into a bone crushing hug by Nate. I laugh as he squeezes me, before letting me go to give me a stern look, causing me to smirk at him knowing he’s about to lecture me. I watch as he takes a deep breathe, getting mentally prepared for whatever he’s about to say, “you don’t understand the hell I had to deal with the past four years, I’ve almost strangled him a good couple of times. Does he know you’re here?” He groans out at first, before ending with an intrigued look. I shake my head at his question, causing him to look at the girls in surprise, completely unaware of the mission they were on. I see Michelle give him a look, causing him to smile and give her a slight nod, leaving me perpelexed on what everyone seemed to be planning.

“Well he’s doing soundcheck right now, so I got to go check on him, because I don’t trust him. Like I don’t care if he’s 21, he’s still not trustworthy enough to be alone without me” Nate groans with an eye roll, causing us all to laugh at the mischief Ruel causes, my heart clenching since it was one of the things I fell in love with about him. Nate sends me one last smile before heading out, leaving us in the room together yet again. I watch as Coco sends Kate a look, before turning to me with a blinding grin on her face. I instantly tense up knowing she has to be up to something, there’s no other reason she’d have a smile on her face like that.

“So Kate and Michelle have to go see Ruel to just to check in on him, Sylvie wants to go find a vending machine for something to drink, and I need to find a bathroom to fix my makeup in” she explains, watching the way my eyes wander over her flawless face, seeing no reason for her to fix the makeup. Before I can question her, I’m already being pulled out of the room, and down a series of hallways. She stops outside of a light brown door, throwing it open and pushing me inside with her. I try to look around to see what room we’re in, but Coco immediately starts talking, completely distracting me from even trying to look around.

“Can you help me fix my lipstick, I feel like it’s getting on my teeth, and check the lining of it please” she practically begs, causing me to nod my head with a laugh. She hands me a q-tip from the table next to her and I instantly get to work, completely transfixed on the task at hand. I wipe around the inner lining of her lips, making sure it’s still perfect but not too far back to get on her teeth, because who wants red stained teeth. Next I move on to the outline of her lips, lightly trying to straighten certain areas, praying I won’t drag it onto her foundation. As I’m fixing her lipstick, her phone buzzes, causing her to pull away from me abruptly. I let out a surprised gasp, instantly narrowing my eyes at the look on her face, since she seemed ready to combust.

“Wait right here, I have to go grab my lip liner, I forgot to put some on, and don’t want my lipstick to just disappear over the duration of tonight. Don’t move, I’ll be right back” she all but shrieks out, jogging out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her. I stand there watching the door, perplexed on what everyone seemed to be planning for me, before deciding to take a look around the room. I walk over to the desk, looking over some of the trinkets laying there, before the door is thrown open and someone’s shouting.

“Why are you shoving me in here? Coco don’t make me bite you lil bitch, Nate stop groping me for fucks sake” I hear an overly familiar Australian voice yell, watching the scuffling take place, before he finally gets shoved in and the door slams shut. I stand there frozen, comeplety in shock by the boy in front of me, my heart feeling like it might burst out of my chest. I stay silent as he bangs on the door, before spinning around with an eye roll when he realizes the doors blocked, only to freeze upon seeing me. We stay silent, both of us just staring at each other, taking in all the changes from growing up, and taking in all the familiar things we fell in love with about each other.

“It’s been a while, yeah?” He mumbles out, playing with his fingers anxiously. I lightly scuff my shoe on the ground, too nervous to make eye contact with him right now, especially when I know my feelings for him never went away. I nod my head and continue to stare at my shoes, before looking up when he moves to stand in front of me. We make direct eye contact when I look up, his green eyes filled with an emotion I couldn’t quite decipher, but felt oddly familiar.

“It’s been four really fucking long years, which means we got some catching up to do after this concert, but uh only if you want to. I would love it if you did” he questions, giving me a anxious smile, it slowly dropping when I hesitate to answer. As soon as I see his smile drop and his eyes dim, I immediately reach out and place my hand on his arm, watching the way his eyes widen at the contact.

“Yeah, I would really like that.” I softly state, watching him give me a boyish grin, instantly causing my face to heat up as I look away. Upon noticing my head turn away, he smirks at my blush and takes the opportunity to look at my outfit, his eyes instantly locking on the neckline of my top. I turn my head back to him to ask him a question, when I notice his eyes locked on my top, before I can ask what he’s looking at, he reaches a hand out. I freeze as his hand grabs on to my chain, sliding his fingers along it until the promise ring he gave me lands in his fingers. He twirls it around, completely entranced by it, and completely oblivious to how close we’d gotten to each other. I open my mouth to come up with an excuse as to why I’m wearing it, only to be left shocked when he gives me a teary grin, reaching underneath his own shirt, pulling out the pendant. I let out a quiet sob when I see the little silver pendant, only to be pulled straight into the arms of the boy I’ve loved my whole life. He holds me and rocks us back and forth, one hand pressed to the back of my head, the other wrapped around my shoulders.

“I kept all my promises. Told you I wasn’t going to give up on you.” He whispers in my ear as I hold him as tight as I can, never wanting to let him go. He pulls away from me and cups my cheek with his hand, before leaning down and pressing a light kiss to my forehead. He rests his forehead against mine for a few seconds, just taking in the moment while it lasts, before we’re both startled by the door flinging open. He immediately pushes me behind him, but the two had already seen all they needed to see.

“I KNEW IT WOULD WORK” Coco screeches, causing Nate to flinch as he stands with her, having came to collect Ruel since it was time to go on stage. Ruel rolls his eyes, but still has a lovesick smile on his face, before instinctively grabbing my hand and pulling me with him out the door. We walk hand in hand to where the stage is, hearing the thousands of fans out there screaming and chanting for him to come out, before coming to a stop next to the stairs for the stage. He looks at our hands before blushing and dropping them, leaving me there with a confused and slightly hurt expression. Upon seeing my face he instantly panics and starts rushing to explain himself.

“It’s not that I don’t want to hold your hand, I just don’t want to rush straight into things after a four year break. Trust me, it’s taking everything inside of me to not just jump back into how we used to be” he groans out, I laugh and grab his hand, really noticing how his hand still fits in mine perfectly. I get a little lost in thought, but come back when Ruel gives my hand a squeeze, just like what he would do back in the day.

“I get it, I want to rebuild everything too... I really missed you, like I never moved on from you.” I whisper out, before Ruel pulls me in, holding me tight against him. He places a light kiss on top of my head, before holding me for a little longer. Nate comes over and tells him he has about a minute until he needs to go up, causing him to groan, not wanting to leave me when he just got me back. I laugh and pull myself out of his arms, tilting my head up to look straight into his eyes.

“I never moved on from you either, I couldn’t. I told you we’d find the way when the time was right” he smirks out, causing me to roll my eyes, trust him to make a sweet situation cocky. He laughs at my attitude, before giving me one last squeeze, and holding his hand out. I look at it before sending him a giant smile, already knowing what he wanted to do. Neither of us noticed, but Michelle and everyone came to stand and watch, as Ruel and I did our pre-concert ritual. It was a handshake we had made as children, but kept adding on to the older we got. We finish it off, with the usual pinky promise, both of us kissing the opposite end, before he quickly kisses my cheek and bounds up the stairs. I stand there in shock, holding my blushing cheek, before turning my head to the girls who all hold knowing smirks.

“Looks like he added another thing to the ritual” Coco laughs out, causing me to roll my eyes, turning to watch Ruel from the side stage. He welcomes the crowd and starts to sing, the fans instantly singing every word, and watching him like he put the stars in the sky. After the first song, he turns to the band and asks them to pause really fast, making all of us confused, since this was not a planned break.

“I’m sorry if I’m a little jumpy today, or if I’m just a complete mess. I just got to reunite with the girl I’ve been in love with since I was a kid after four years apart, so yeah I am a mess-” he starts off, looking over to me with a large smile. I instantly blush and grin back at him, overwhelmed that he still feels the same way about me after all this time. The crowd starts screaming my name and chanting out the ship name they created for us way before we even got together, causing everyone to start laughing. Ruel glances over at me again as he starts talking, “I told you it wasn’t a goodbye, it was just a see you later. Even the fans knew I was never going to get over you, I honestly didn’t even want anyone else. It’s always been you.” He mumbles out. The fans instantly screaming as loud as they can, while I stand there in awe, tears streaming down my face. He jogs over and gives me a hug, before promising to spend all his time on catching up with me after the concert, leaving me there to sing my heart out to the songs that were written by the boy I love.

That night, I rekindled a love that was never lost, but rather put on hold. I know we said we’d take it a little slow, but that night I slept in the arms of the love of my life, feeling like I was whole again for the first time in years. I felt the overwhelming love I have for him completely fill me to the brim, because he’s not only my best friend, but he’s my soulmate. It’s always been him.

#ruelvincentvandijk #ruel van dijk #one ruel #ruel #ruel imagines #ruel imagine #ruel one shot #imagines #imagine #one shot #x reader #free time ep #ruel fanfic

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kvngjoong · 4 years

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mingi + nsfw a-z

you can tell who my bias is after this, but i’m not apologising. I actually considered myself a soft mingi stan but after this i’m not sure. If this is how i see mingi, my soft baby, idk what hongjoong’s is gonna be like

A: Aftercare

he probably wouldn’t know what to do really, but he would make an attempt. honestly the aftercare would be more centred on him and making sure he is okay bc he is smol and needs to be cared for. but he would still check you’re okay and honestly, the majority of aftercare with mingi is you both making sure all is good, cleaning up a little and probably doing something dumb afterwards like nothing even happened

B: Body part

he likes his shoulders because you like them and for him that’s a big plus. he really likes it when you leave marks on him there because it’s sensitive and because he likes to have a hand in your hair as you straddle him and tell him that he’s a good boy. as for you, he really likes how generally small you are compared to him and that you can still put him in his place and tell him what to do. also probably likes your ass/tiddies since he’s a bit of a newbie

C: Cum

he cums more than the average guy, but he’s good at listening to you and wants to please you, so whatever you want him to do with it, that will happen. he’s a fan of cumming either in your mouth, or on your chest - but he regrets telling you that because now you only let him do that if you think he’s been good enough

D: Dirty Secret

he kinda, really, wants you to choke him. he’s not sure how to approach it, mostly because it’s a topic that isn’t the easiest to approach (and he’s not just gonna say btw babe can you choke me tonight). he tries to encourage it a bit, he’s extra loud when you’re rough with him and you bite him a little harder, but he really wants you to just put your hands around his neck and choke him a little. he would literally cum on the spot

E: Experience

he seems like he would be one of the least experienced in ateez, but that might be wrong. like, he knows what everything is and probably knows about the whole dom/sub thing (hence why he knows he’s a sub, and automatically subs when you guys first do the yanno) but he’s yet to have actually tried a lot of it

F: Favourite Position

as long as you’re on top, he is very content. he likes seeing you bounce on him, so cowgirl or reverse cowgirl is a preference of his that you’re happy to oblige to. he rarely tops (that doesn’t mean he can’t) but when he does he likes it too because he thinks it’s more intimate and again, he likes how small you are underneath him (he can take care of you sometimes, too). so it depends on the mood he’s in, really

G: Goofy

he can be, but he’s not usually. when he’s in a sub mindset he’s there to please you and listen to you. if it’s less of a dom/sub situation, he isn’t impartial to crack a joke here or there, or make you laugh over some weird ass comment he makes. he feels comfortable with you and it shows in his actions. he will mostly roll of your energy though, so if you’re in the mood to take things less seriously, so will he

H: Hair

probably doesn’t shave or manscape, just kinda leaves it. he didn’t know what to do with it so thought doing nothing was the answer, which is fine

I: Intimacy

he can be intimate, but it’s not always. there are special times when he is extra soft and just wants to hold you, which lead to sex and he will top and that will be soft and he will tell you that he loves you and stuff, but that is occasionally and not each time. that isn’t to say there is no intimacy in everything that’s done - he knows that there is love and trust behind everything you do together

J: Jack Off

this is talked about more for yearning, but mingi has been taught by you that to be a good sub he needs to ask you for permission and wait for you before he does anything. he would get a bit of a guilty conscience, especially if you’ve been together a while, if he was to jack off without you giving him permission to do so. this isn’t always the case and he will still occasionally succumb to his urges and run to the bathroom, especially when you’re not around or you’re busy and he needs some relief

K: Kink

considering that, when i started writing san’s version of this, i had to stop to write size difference in all caps on mingi’s version, i think that it is pretty clear mingi has a thing for how small people are next to him. not just height, his everything is big. but he’s also a massive sub. like the biggest sub in ateez. he isn’t a power bottom, he just wants to please and he’s all ears for what you want him to do. he probably doesn’t have it in him to actually dom unless you teach him how to (and maybe he would enjoy that, but he would always be too afraid to actually dom you). other than that, he would be pretty vanilla - but he’s game for anything you want to introduce. he would be pretty vocal if he didn’t like something and he’s not afraid to use the safe word for the reason you introduced it. he wants to please you, but he’s not gonna do something he’s not comfortable with - not that he actually doesn’t like that much in the end, anyway

L: Location

prefers the privacy of his/your own home, though is open to anywhere with a locked door or at least some cover from other people seeing. his favourite is and always will be when you’re at home and things are comfortable. it gives you both some breathing space and you’re free to do whatever you want to, without the real world distractions and people disturbing

M: Motivation

kind of typical stuff, really - likes it when you send him pictures to tease him, and sometimes it’s a though that pops into his head and he’ll tell you the thought in the hopes you will incorporate it. when he’s bored his mind might drift off and he’ll recall when you did something he really likes and he’ll remember it for later. he initiates things quite a bit, since it doesn’t take all that much for him to get going

N: NO

one time you suggest a threesome to mingi and he was umming and ahhing about it for a while, but after careful consideration he realised that he really doesn’t like it for two reasons: he wants you to himself and he is pretty shy and doesn’t particularly want anyone involved in what he’s doing. nothing personal on them, he just doesn’t anyone involved in activities like this unless its you (because he loves you), nor does he want to see you treat anyone like you treat him. he won’t be told otherwise

O: Oral

loves when you suck him off but knows that you’re not always gonna do that unless he asks really nicely (or he’s done something that impresses you, turns you on, or pleases you) so it isn’t the most regular thing - as in, it does happen, but not every day or anything since you both can do foreplay in loads of different ways, and when it does happen he really enjoys it. also likes giving because he likes when you pull his hair and likes getting you off, too. does he have some kind of pain kink? probably. likes it when you pull his hair hard

P: Pace

you control the pace, not him. he likes it slow and then fast towards the end, but he told you that and now you use it against him. whatever you’re in the mood for - you’re in control with him

Q: Quickie

not impartial to them, happy to be part of one, but prefers it not to be. he doesn’t mind when you give him head under the table, but since he’s a sub it’s a bit more difficult for a quickie between the two of you. unless you’re telling him exactly what to do and you’re instructing him specifically on picking you up, pushing you against the door and rawing you, then there’s not much else to do

R: Risk

the poor bby does not want someone walking in on him, despite his confidence. mostly because he shows his sub side to you and only you. it would be weird if one of his hyungs (especially 98 line) ever caught him being your sub. so he likes to do things away from people he knows. he’s not so bothered if there’s a risk of someone he doesn’t know catching him, like one of your friends that he doesn’t know. so maybe you could get away with a cinema hand job

S: Stamina

i keep saying that they are performers so can go for a while, but mingi is on the same level as san when it comes to stamina - he can go a couple of rounds and then still go out afterwards to get food or whatever. he has a lot of energy and usually doesn't use it all during sex. he may, however, get kinda tired during overstimulation and whilst he will ask you for more, he can barely keep his eyes open and he does kinda just wanna lay down for two minutes so he can collect himself. whatever you want him to do though, he can and will do it

T: Toy

he’s not the biggest fan? but he honestly doesn’t have a preference. if you like using them on him then it’s cool, as long as you tell him first and don’t surprise him with it. when it comes to you it’s a bit of a different story. one time you ask him to use one on you and he has no idea what to do with it, but with some instructions he’s got it down and knows what he’s doing. he liked watching you get off but he’s not sure if he’ll do it again because he knows you asked him to use it instead of him getting you off himself. he has a love hate relationship with them

U: Unfair

he’s not a tease at all, at least not intentionally. he does it more as a joke and he takes pride in knowing that you think he’s really fucking hot when he’s performing. however that doesn’t mean he will do things intentionally to tease you. he usually does it to show off to you (like, baby check out my abs on national television) or to get some kind of reaction from you. he won’t admit to it, but he does kind of like it when you tease him. he likes the build up

V: Volume

he’s loud, and there’s no stopping him on that. he will usually whine and moan, but he’s talkative too. more so than most. he doesn’t ever talk back to you but usually he will be happy to answer you and you will never have to ask him to use his words because he’s way too eager to not speak. even when he’s laying back against the headboard and you’re overstimulating him, he’ll still have it in him to ask for more (he will never say stop)

W: Wild Card

mingi likes to be told what to do. he wants to please you so appreciates the help that you give when you tell him how he can get you off, however when it comes to eating you out he likes to take a bit of the control away from you. he goes off when he’s giving head, he loves how sweet you taste and he will always find it in him to put all of his effort into pleasing you, without needing you to tell him what to do and when to do it. he watched videos and everything on how he can improve. like before, he does really like it when you pull his hair and the feeling of the pain, like when you bite him or leave marks on him, turns him on way more and keeps him going for longer. he will probably tell you he likes it in the hopes you’ll do it more often

X: X-Ray

look, there’s a video which is pretty clear, so it doesn’t need much explaining - you know my thoughts on this given how big he is

Y: Yearning

he’s probably a bit more on the needier side. he needs a lot of attention in general, but this also applies to sex. he can go a while without anything from you if it’s completely unavoidable, but if you’re both free then he’ll be wondering why you’re not together? that being said, he does have a lot of self control, mostly that you taught him, and he can be patient when needed. it’s a wonderful ability you’ve taught him, because now when you send him pics on snapchat he isn’t having to run to the bathroom (mostly because you told him he can’t do that without permission, but that’s another story)

Z: ZZZ

he doesn’t often sleep straight after sex, mostly because he’s a ball of energy that can’t be contained and afterwards he would be super talkative and just want to chat shit with you about whatever. even if you’re just laying there he will find something to talk about. if you’re up for it though, he is down for a late night/early morning walk (or smth cute like sitting on the balcony or window sill looking up at the stars talking about space and life etc)

#mingi smut #mingi scenarios #mingi imagines #mingi reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez smut #ateez reactions #ateez imagines #ateez #a-z

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

Text

America & Libi

America: What.the.fuck 🤯😷

Libi: ???

America: that’s not acting

America: it’s his real 😍💖🐱💫 behaviour

Libi: nooooooo 😅

Libi: it is a wee bit cringe how he has to gaze into my eyes like that

America: & it’ll take more than Mr Mullan yelling cut to get his 👅💦 out of your mouth, ear or anywhere else he can get away with putting it if you don’t tell him it’s meant to be fake

Libi: You don’t really think that, do you?

Libi: I don’t even know how to start that conversation if I need to, yikes 😬

America: I know, me & everyone else watching him eye fuck you for the full scene

Libi: oh no

Libi: I don’t know what to feel about that

Libi: no wonder your sister looked even more mad at me than usual

America: 🎊🎉 if it means she stops liking him now

Libi: Undoubtedly more of a reason to hate me more if she thinks I’m like, encouraging him

Libi: which I’m not, btw

Libi: How do I tell him to not without making him a bad actor

Libi: or have him think I’m being 😍💖 by implying he is, ahh!

America: His shite acting isn’t your problem, he’s got an understudy too

America: & telling him to back off doesn’t have to sound flirty, remind him how old you are, my sister couldn’t stop pointing out the fuckedness of the age gap so she can’t hate you for doing that either

Libi: I don’t wanna sound like I’m accusing him of anything though

Libi: that could get too serious too fast

America: Lads make us feel uncomfortable to say or do things all the time & they’re not beating themselves up about it

Libi: Yeah, you’re right

Libi: but they probably don’t have to then go on and act with them without everyone wishing the guns were real

Libi: probably

Libi: but there’s 0 chance he’s quitting or Mr Mullan will kick him, that’s as true

America: there’s 0 chance he’s heard a genuine no in this context before, if you do it 🔫💥💖🔪🩸 he might quit

Libi: I’ll talk to him 1 x 1 first

Libi: deserved or not, I don’t wanna go in full guns blazing about it

America: At least consider letting Chi overhear you, calm her down a little

Libi: No offence but your sister is probably the least of my worries if EVERYONE saw and thought the same thing

Libi: she already doesn’t think highly of me

America: She was the least of your worries when she thought Jake saw you as a dumb 2nd year, she’ll move up the list now you’ve moved up his rankings

Libi: Why does she even like him?

Libi: beyond the superficial, which it clearly is

America: He can give her back some of what she’s lost now the parties are over & somewhere to put her energy that’s feeling wasted on mam & daddy Gaz

America: cos of the superficial she’s decided he’s worthy enough of it & won’t make a holy show of her

Libi: I don’t know why I asked really

Libi: like there’d be something to do or whatever

Libi: she isn’t the only person to ever waste her time and energy though so, no judgment, I guess?

America: She’d be wasting her time & energy if she was hopelessly 😍💖 cos he looks like [indie heartthrob] & can play maybe half of his songs in tune but she’s smarter than that, smart enough to know what he’s like & what he’s good for

Libi: It’s all still beyond me

America: 😂 You’ve had better role-models

Libi: You can say sheltered

America: I don’t know you well enough to put what you’ve been through or not into different 🔴⬜️🔷

Libi: It’s cool, dumb 2nd year isn’t a million miles away

America: Chi wouldn’t feel so threatened by you if you were just a dumb 2nd year

Libi: I’ll do my best to convince her

Libi: that isn’t going to rid her issue with Bobby but nothing has

Libi: who knew this casting would cause so much drama?

Libi: not Mullan, obviously

America: Or leave the lying to me, a seasoned pro

America: Mr Mullan knew what he was doing too, he’s in a dating slump & needed the 🎇🎆

America: I offered to 🌶🌶🌶 up his profiles but that was obviously more risk or reward than he was looking for

Libi: That’s dangerously close to a teen drama style teacher who does the most unprofessional things purely to further the plot

Libi: Not cool IRL, Sir

America: Why I always fake a note for PE, she’s super intense

Libi: [Tell her about JJ sports cupboard gate like LOL yeah she is]

America: 🤯 that was them!

America: I've tried to get Sean to meet me there when he has PE but he says the lads have it wayyyy worse

America: 👌 I know that drawing out maps is 0 punishment compared to like, doing extra runs or washing the teachers balls but Bobby, Louie or Jake would meet you 😂

Libi: I’ve never heard their PE teacher speak at a normal volume he’s always shouting

Libi: I see the 😱

Libi: Bobby would but only because he’d think I was in danger… somehow

Libi: Louie isn’t as… 😍💖🐱💫 as Jake though, is he?

Libi: He seems quite nice to me

America: Bobby 👉 best friend

America: Louie 👉 just friends unless…

America: Jake 👉 destroyed by being put in the friendzone

Libi: I think you’re taking a leaf out of Mr Mullan’s book

Libi: The 💘 is purely fictional

America: If that’s how you want it, Louie’ll stop at non-fictional 🤤 in between scenes

America: 👅💦 staying in his own mouth unless you or Mr Mullan insist

America: he’s not Jake, like you said

Libi: 😂 Omg don’t

Libi: now I won’t be able to do any scenes with anyone without being all 😨😓🤔

America: 😶

Libi: Do you think I can come down with a sudden case of stage fright?

Libi: Can’t exactly fake a note for an out of school hours activity 😏

America: If you hand your role to my sister I’ll come down with genuine 🤮 from watching them perfect their stage 😍💖 on & off it

Libi: Good point

Libi: She’s done literally nothing to deserve that

Libi: I won’t really

Libi: It’s just

America: you’ve gone from 0-1000 where lads are concerned, it’s understandable that you wanna stop the 🎢 & go

America: Lucie allegedly did sign up to the play for 😍💖🍆💫 but the rest of us not so much

Libi: When we do the kiss, it’ll be my first one

Libi: Proper one, not being a kid

America: We could easily arrange you getting kissed before Jake or Louie do the honours

Libi: But who else?

Libi: At the risk of sounding Lucie about it…

Libi: I don’t like anyone so it may as well be fake, right?

Libi: It’s nbd

America: At the risk of sounding like Jake when he thinks he’s doing something cool by playing 😈 advocate for no fucking reason…

America: you don’t sound sure about it being nbd

Libi: Heh, it’s like

Libi: doing stage kisses isn’t, you know?

Libi: but when I think of it as a first, then that does matter a bit

Libi: but that’s stupid, it’s just an arbitrary thing, if I don’t want it to count then it doesn’t, so

Libi: Sorry, this is literally such a non-issue 😬🙄🥴

America: It’s refreshing to have something lowkey to talk about

America: Gary insists on pushing every little thing to crisis point & you know what my sister’s been like about the play 💥

Libi: I do get that

Libi: plenty of dramas to pick from in my family

Libi: it’s crappy when all people want to talk about is what you’re likely spending most of your time thinking about and wanting to not with the rest

America: [some kind of party deets]

America: We won’t be able to hear ourselves think or anyone talk there

Libi: Who’s the host? I don’t recognise the deets

America: You wouldn’t, she goes to [insert name of the nearest catholic school]

Libi: Oh, okay, cool

Libi: I’ll have to ask, obviously

America: let me know if it’s a no before I knock for you

America: don’t wanna get on the bad side of your grandda there’s too many perks to being allowed in your 🏡

America: & your nan already thinks I’m trouble

Libi: She doesn’t, she’s just like that with everyone

Libi: it was kinda her job for most her life so makes sense

America: It’s cool, I recognise the signs you don’t have to cover for her

America: & clearly she does too, trouble & in trouble 🚨

America: is she in touch with any of the people she used to work with who could throw Gary out?

Libi: If only it came with those kind of perks

Libi: He’s still being… himself, then?

America: 🤣 Yeah, you could say that

Libi: And your ma is still blind to it and 😍💖?

Libi: I’ll make sure I say pretty please when I ask about the party then

Libi: Bobby’s invited too, right?

America: She hasn’t stopped believing 🌞 shines out of every one of his holes

America: & ha! I don't know what to tell you about if that'll work or not when I'm literally the wrongest person to ask about asking permission

America: I took it for granted he’d be coming if you are, but obviously invite whoever you want, it’s that kind of party

Libi: It has to fade, everything does

Libi: I’ve got no idea if it’ll work either tbh but it seems like a good place to start 😅

Libi: The more the merrier, got it 🥳

America: Si’s diy tattoos already have & he started those when Chi’s parties stopped, Ciara’s looks like washed off biro

America: maybe don’t tell them I’ll be your 1st kiss if you seriously want to get it over with though 🤫

Libi: 😬 at least the regret will only last as long as the ink

Libi: Don’t tell my grandparents or don’t tell the boys? 🤔😏

America: If the lads don’t know what a bad influence I am, tonight isn’t gonna be the night to be reminded, they’ll be lucky to remember anything

Libi: Heh 😅

Libi: Things with Sean are going well though, yeah?

America: What’s he said?

Libi: Oh God, nothing

Libi: I should’ve phrased that more conversational less unintentional dig, my bad

America: 😐 I knew it

America: he’s uninvited, I’m not gonna be the next Michelle

Libi: I swear he’s said literally nothing

Libi: that was all me

America: He doesn’t have to, you told me going in that he split with her after if it got too serious too fast & his mam hasn’t stopped talking about that

Libi: Mums are just like that with boys

Libi: it isn’t coming from him, that’s what matters, right

America: what matters is not ignoring 🚨🚩

America: & I’ve made up my mind

Libi: To?

America: not pass on the party info to him

Libi: I mean, that’s up to you

America: Yeah & it’s up to him if he turns up anyway, I’m not the only source or saying he can’t

Libi: But maybe, if you want him to come, you should just tell him and not worry about how it could look or could be perceived

America: we’ve been spending loads of time together cos of the play

America: maybe if Mr Mullan wasn’t so trigger happy & had given me more than 1 scene shit could play out differently

America: 💖🔫

Libi: I’m surprised you didn’t get your sister’s role

Libi: not just for namesake reasons

Libi: she is funny, but I wouldn’t have assumed she’d be better suited, you know?

Libi: Suppose she’s known Mr Mullan longer

America: Is she funny or is she mean & people don’t want to realise she’s joking? 🤔🙄

America: Mr Mullan isn’t solely playing safe on the dating apps, I guess

America: I could call him out for not wanting to be on the receiving end of her ‘jokes’ & keep her as a favourite in case you don’t try out again or there’s no other surprise 2nd year star but if I blame him for anything it’s deciding I’m a liability in a bigger role

America: like I signed up with a 🔫 to my head! I wanna be here

Libi: I mean, I don’t think she’s funny IRL at all, but I’m not meant to because she’s definitely mean to me and mine

Libi: but in the role, I’m not going to be unnecessarily bitchy and pretend she’s bad 🤷‍♀️

Libi: That is rude, I don’t think anyone is that desperate to stage kiss and miss a couple of lessons, at best, obviously you want to be here

Libi: He should have a little faith, honestly

America: the script making her look good is on Ms Howe

America: I should've taken art, Mr Mullan's fantasy of what kind of teacher he is is wayyyy closer to her reality

America: though you'd probably have some suspicions I was as 😍💖🐱💫 for you as Jake & Louie are if we had any more shared lessons

Libi: She is a really good teacher, tbh

Libi: Well, I like her

Libi: She doesn’t force her vision onto us, and she basically lets us do what we want, as long as we can prove that there’s artistic merit and skill that goes into it so, yeah 😜👍

Libi: As I only have to kill not kiss you, that’s alright with me 😅

Libi: You could pick it for your senior options, get the fake blood out for old time’s sake

America: I don’t know, I’m sure I’d like her less when she refused to believe my da’s a famous artist

Libi: You’ve got a few years to perfect the lie

America: That’s true, ironically

Libi: 😏

Libi: It’s basically rehearsal, so Mullan can take that as proof of dedication

America: 👌 still won’t hold my breath for the end of year lead but if it means he’ll kiss & make up with me so I can stay dedicated to not being 😍💖🍆💫 over Sean 😜👍

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vaguely-concerned · 4 years

Text

Twisted Fate/Graves thoughts 2 Electric Boogaloo because none of you can stop me

and I just have a lot of feelings okay

- t.f. taking an entire paragraph mid-fall during a harrowing life or death chase to give you the context for how much the imminent destruction of his boots is a tragedy is the funniest and most endearing character detail and also irrefutable proof that despite appearances he, too, really does only have that half a brain cell, it simply pingpongs around in there much more than graves’ half (which instead finds one idea and GOES HARD for it no matter what lol bless him)

also his pov is basically just a flippant ‘well this is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation’ until graves literally forces him to have an honest emotion at gunpoint, and y’know... that be what love feels like sometimes when you’re like that as a person, extremely relatable, I feel for him so much

- I’m still just quietly astounded by the hmmm... implied intimacy? I guess? in the argument they’re having once they’re actually talking in burning tides. let’s look at what they’re actually saying to each other:

T.F.: “Are you ever gonna learn? . . . Every time I try to help you, I-” and “ I tried to get us out. The rest of us saw the job was going south . . . But you wouldn’t back down. You never do.”

vs.

Graves: “You’ll run again. That’s all you’ve ever done.” and “You made out alright, though . . . You know why? It’s because you’re a coward. And nothing you’ll ever say can change that.”

like them’s the sort of fraught fighting words you have with a spouse right towards the end of an ugly divorce, the full fruitless ‘why do you always have to --’ and ‘but you never listen to me!!!’ deal, especially from graves’ side lol. it’s the sort of hurtful you can really only be with someone you’ve been very, very close to, someone you know incredibly well. considering the whole backstory what graves is essentially saying here is ‘It’s your own fault people have left you; you deserve to be alone’.

(interestingly, in twisted fate’s pov it seems that what’s really messing with him is the part of not being listened to. he tried to plead with his family and they refused to listen, he tried to convince graves to run away with the rest of them and he didn’t listen, and here they are again and graves isn’t listening a g a i n and at that point t.f. clearly just sort of. gives up on actually being heard, in a slightly heartbreaking way. and from how graves reacts to seeing that I really think he’s not naturally cruel like that at all, he’s just in too much pain to think until this startles him out of it and then he does actually listen)

- through both stories graves is so desperately, enduringly horny for t.f. to be emotionally present and engaged with him without slipping away into his ~*cool magic gambler*~ persona and I find it weirdly sweet

- graves immediately getting fond of this leaky battered old rowboat... hfsadkjfhasd he’s sort of adorable in a way? it’s also really cute how he’s got this really tight focus on tf and his mannerisms and how genuine he’s being at any given moment. it’s such a neat way to show what he’s feeling and thinking about, which must be hard with a character who’s so massively oblivious to the finer points of his own inner life lol

ALSO can we talk about how tf literally winks at him at one point, right after they’ve sort of had a little moment of regained trust... like my good sir that is so deeply unnecessarily saucy of you, please control yourself (though in his defense graves somehow still isn’t picking up what he’s putting down so y’know maybe subtle isn’t the way to go here anyway haha)

- I wonder if t.f. used to go by his initials even before he changed his name -- graves calls him by it straight off the bat in burning tides and t.f. seems to consider his real name mildly embarrassing lol. (also intriguing that he does appear to think of it as his ‘real name’, and not ‘old name’ or something like that. it’s why I feel like we’ve got more of a dual identity going on here than a deadname situation, it feels more like two distinct levels of emotional vulnerability/availability to me. and so ‘tobias’ stops being relevant when there’s no one left to know him as that. ow.)

- from reading his bio it seems like twisted fate has had to figure out a lot of the magic stuff on his own (except for the mention of his grandpa teaching him the fortune telling part of it -- seems like they had a bit of a special connection, really, if him leaving his old cards with the kid before they left is anything to go by). what I’m saying is that I would read thousands upon thousands of words of him experimenting with it when they were younger and graves hurriedly having to topple a table over and pull them both behind it for cover before they both explode lol

(and then t.f. popping his head up afterwards like ‘hAH see I TOLD you I could do it!’ and graves disconsolately lighting a cigar from the burning rubble b/c the things one does for love partnerships huh)

- I’ve been looking over burning tides with a writing eye a few times to figure out what makes it work so well for me, and one of the things I really like is that there are a lot of small comments/details that are there or are framed in a certain way specifically to emphasize the familiarity and history between the characters. Just small details like He moves fast for a big man. I’d forgotten that and graves mentioning he’s never liked standing too close when t.f. does the teleporting thing -- not to mention t.f.’s name reveal, which if I understand this correctly was actually new information to the readers when burning tides was going on. (and yes it is still very funny to me that his actual name is tobias. the duality of man)

(I also feel like there are HUGE differences in writing quality between the different POV sections -- I guess different people wrote for the different characters? Well, both of the first person sections are gold and that’s what matters to me in this story so I don’t really mind. Sadly the Miss Fortune parts read the weirdest and stiffest to me, which is unfortunate b/c I love her lore concept a lot and she’s so cool in double double-cross. WHO the fuck let an unironic ‘the crimson-haired siren’ slip through the edit, is what I really want to know. please, narrator, tell me about her cerulean orbs while you’re at it)

- The man I used to know seems lost under years of hatred.

I don’t try to say anything else. I can see it in his eyes, now. Something’s broken inside of him.

still makes me SO SAD and I’m incredibly happy it turns out not to be true in the end thank GOD

- this might just be me reading into stuff too much, but I really like this sense that in moments of high emotion/genuine vulnerability, graves tends to sound older and more tired while t.f. sounds younger than he actually is, more frightened and hurt

- if his mind hadn’t been completely focused on partner-rescuing and open murder were in any way his style, t.f. totally could have killed gangplank right there and then before miss fortune even got to blow the fucker up haha. then again if that were the sort of guy he were he’d be dead along with all the rest of them

- it’s so good that graves tries to save miss fortune’s guy before they leave the cave but also isn’t broken up about it when it turns out he can’t, that feels like such a correct encapsulation of his moral character haha

- I really do enjoy graves’ POV so much not just because there’s something immensely comforting about how he refuses to be scared even in the face of death because he’s too damn grouchy and won’t give the world the satisfaction, but also because the language/cadence is so satisfying. he does have a way with words, in a gruff non-flashy sort of way.

It smells like the end of everything – sulfur and ash and death; cooked hair and melting skin -- the rhythm of that is so gooood and that whole section conveys the horror and destruction but also the awe of the scene so well. (I’m telling you graves isn’t actually dumb at all, just astoundingly unbendingly single minded once he’s got an idea in his head lol)

- I keep thinking about the fact that the last two things twisted fate thinks about before he passes out from drowning is if graves is scared and ‘What would Malcolm do?’ and I’m feeling real 😭😭😭 about it

- I’m still so disproportionately intrigued by graves mentioning his mom in burning tides. considering how early and seemingly easily he left home (...not to mention that he brings her up in connection with someone punching him in the face) it might be a safe bet that they weren’t that close but like. she also seems to be one of the very very few non-revengy things he’s checked up on after getting out of prison. did he send money home sometimes? would he visit whenever they came back to bilgewater? did she ever meet t.f. and if so did she approve or was this a bit of a uncharmable mother in law from hell situation? I um. I want to know these things pls riot it’s for science

(First post is over here btw, if anyone’s interested!)

#tf x graves #twisted fate x graves #league of legends #meta #it's hard to overstate how much my brain cannot be controlled and WILL focus on dumb stuff all day every day lol

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