#if I call you “one of my dykes” just know that i would die for you
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To all of you who think slurs can't be used affectionately
I'll have you know that in the country where I live the word for "kiss" rhymes with "faggot" (slightly depending on dialect but I digress)
Which has led my partner and I to throw out the phrase "goodbye" and instead saying "Møs møs, min lille bøs"
Which directly translates to "Kiss kiss, my little faggot"
And if that's not love then it doesn't exist
#slurs can be cery affectionate#if I call you “one of my dykes” just know that i would die for you#I love my freaks and perverts and queers#if you're my “bitch” I will cook your dinner and fold your laundry cuz that means youre special to me hoe#gaaaaaaaayyy#butch4butch#trans t4t#transmasc#transfem#genderless
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To everyone who was raised mormon - anger is not a sin. Anger is your friend.
Obviously, it has to be managed, like any emotion. Being reactive and having a temper is not healthy. But being angry is. You might have heard that a good and kind person is never angry.
Bullshit.
Anger is an internal alarm that something might be wrong. That you, someone you know, or a group as a whole are being mistreated, or at the very least, you are not satisfied with the way things are. But even being dissatisfied is called blasphemous. Nephi's brothers sure liked to "murmur", didn't they?
Why would the church call anger a sin? Anger that does not inflict physical harm on other people? Is it a sin to make other people uncomfortable with your emotions?
Yes, actually. Turn off your ability to identify mistreatment, turn off your ability to be dissatisfied with your life, and make sure everyone around you turns those off, too.
That way, the church can take 10% of all of your money and tell you to fall to the ground and kiss their feet in gratitude for it. They can force you to cut your hair before being allowed into a fun youth event. They can string you up like a fucking marionette and you'll just go limp and follow their directions, because resisting would make you a bad person.
Of course the people that tied you up would tell you that struggling is a sin.
And, even outside of the church, but ESPECIALLY in the church, people will use this idea to make themselves into the better person and place all the blame on you for THEIR actions. They will feel threatened by you being upset about things that they worked so hard to justify in their minds - but the thing is, you're angry, which means you're wrong and scary and the familiar mistreatment feels more comfortable than ever. Sometimes, people will even take the opportunity, as the clear Bigger Person in the situation, to treat you even worse, but use such calm and pacifist language that, naturally, you're the cruel and irrational one.
I made a Facebook status once telling everyone who agreed with the church's new homophobic "doctrine" to unfriend me. A cousin I never spoke to DMed me telling me that she felt like I hated her for believing in the church, and she didn't hate me for my "choice" of lifestyle, and - get this - she loved me and would therefore not unfriend me herself, I would have to do it. So she would be noble, and I would be the angry little apostate dyke. I reconnected with an old mormon friend and told her that I was hurt by her believing homophobic things, and she immediately told me that I always blew things out of proportion and got angry for no reason. My brother has been abusive to me all my life, but whenever I got upset, I was rocking the boat, or I was even worse than him for being angry at all. A friend who wasn't even mormon betrayed the fuck out of me and told me "I understand if /you/ don't want to be friends anymore," like they hadn't decided that on their own with their extremely hurtful actions. But hey, using calm and pacifist words while someone else is upset means you will always be the one being "so good about it"!
Anger is not a sin, anger is not an excuse to treat you badly. Anger is what will save you from thinking that mistreatment is justified. Practice patience with your loved ones, but be assertive. Practice forgiveness with the people you WANT to forgive. But if you wanna die mad, that's your fucking right.
Fuck this "drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" shit. Being angry and staying angry led me away from a cult, away from abuse, away from manipulative people, and gave me the courage to fight to protect my little niece in a dangerous situation.
Anger is your friend.
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Okay so since you all (by very popular demand) wanted me to post a poem i wrote about my shit love life here it is:
To my first ever boyfriend
The one who I let into my heart still light
The windows of my soul still shining so bright
To my first ever boyfriend
The one who moved away
The one i kept in touch with, with silly stupid emails all day
To my first ever boyfriend
The one who would tell me he loved me like the sun
Then disappear for days on end when the sentence was done
To my first ever boyfriend
The one who would leave and never tell me why
The one who made me think whenever someone didnt respond they were going to die
To my first ever boyfriend.
To my second boyfriend
The one who i reluctantly opened the door to my heart too
The pink on the walls fading to a color less true
To my second boyfriend
The one i was peer pressured into dating
Who i later ended up hating
To my second boyfriend
The one I didnt really like
Who called me a dyke
To my second boyfriend
The one who told me I loved too hard and too much
So I became cold to the touch
To my second boyfriend
The one who would touch me when i said no
Because consent was a word he didnt know
To my second boyfriend
The one who trashed my heart
The one who made it so when people touch me I try to pull them apart
To my second boyfriend.
To my third boyfriend
The one who I didnt let into my heart
He was only allowed to stand on the steps so i could ensure he wouldnt pull me apart
To my third boyfriend
The one who I didnt show much affection for
So i could make sure he didnt slip into that door
To my third boyfriend
The one who told me my love was too rough and too cold
He told me in love I should be bold
To my third boyfriend
The one who stuck his foot into the door
The one i broke up with so he couldnt repeat what happened before
To my third boyfriend
The one I ran from
I learned not to love cold from
To my third boyfriend.
To my first ever girlfriend
The one who i let into my heart
The walls now a deep dark color on every part
To my first ever girlfriend
Who helped me cover the walls with a light wall paper
I could never hate her
To my first ever girlfriend
The one who later became a boyfriend
Whos love was sweet like candy but candy rots your teeth
To my first ever girlfriend
The one who felt like a dream
Who never told me any boundaries
To my first ever girlfriend
I could never tell if I could talk too
Because they never expressed their boundaries
To my first ever girlfriend
And our love that felt like an essay without structure
Uncomfortable and messy but still saying the right words
To my first ever girlfriend
Whos love set my heart on fire
Too bad they left it burnt and bruised and tired
left me broken
Taught me to never get too comfortable
Yep, that was my first ever girlfriend.
To my first ever partner
Appeared in my doorway unexpectedly
I turned around flustered at the mess i called my heart
Before i saw what was in their hand
A rose
I had never gotten one of those
To my first ever partner
who just showed up
Saw the walls with the torn off wallpaper now black and cracked, and the tear stained papers scattered everywhere of half written poems, and the trash, and dirty clothes, and my tear stained cheeks and said how about we clean this place up?
To my first ever partner
who didnt judge my trashed heart
And didnt try to pull me apart
To my first ever partner
Who called me beautiful as mascara ran down my face
And helped me fix this place
To my first ever partner
The one whose love feels soft and light
Never mad for my soul shining through the cracks in the blinds too bright
To my first ever partner
The one who doesnt critizise my love for being too much or too mean
Who makes me feel seen
To my first ever partner.
@aaasdgnklm thank you for fixing my broken heart and loving me when I thought I couldnt be loved. <3
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Introduction
Hey! I haven’t done a proper introduction soo here we are
Basic info
Name: Roxx
Age: 14
Gender: Genderfluid Nonbinary
Pronouns: They/it (my persona uses He/Him)
Sexuality: Butch Lesbian
Nationality (and ethnicity): Canadian, Scandinavian + Plains Cree
Realationship: QP w/@rainbowfriendsfanatic
Funfacts about me!!!
I kin Roxie Richter
I kin Queen Barb
I make a lot of sex jokes (puberty is a bitch)
Please use tone tags when talking to me
I’m a Aquarius
I use the term faggot and dyke a lot (I am queer)
I am Butch
Rare-pairs are my passion
I would like to go on T (Testosterone) one day
Sometimes I feel like a fem queen ❤️❤️
If ur my moot I’m gunna call u pookie
My other socials
Basic DNI:
Pro/comshippers
Facists and Homophobes
Kink blogs (y’all cool I guess but still I’m under the age of consent)
Full on porn blogs fuck off
Wallycest/Applecest
Individual DNI
18+ accs (nsfw or kink shit)
Wallaby/Barnly antis please block me so you don’t have to see my content
“Male” lesbians FUCK RIGHT OFF NOW
Transphobes feel like this one’s self explanatory
Gold star lesbians
Christans (love y’all just pls)
Asexual and Aromantic deniers
Racists.
Cishets love you guys just this blog is for the gays
Julie x Wally shippers (simply dislike the ship nothing against y’all)
Fujoshis y’all gross me out
Do interact
Lesbians pls
LGBTQ2SA+
Neurodivergent people
People underneath the Trans umbrella
Wallaby/Barnly fans
Cringe people
Other minors
Fellow Sapphics and NMLNM
Barnaby enjoyers
Poppy kissers
Jewish people y’all are safe here ♥️
Neo pronoun users
Trans trenders (people who identify with a gender under the trans umbrella but don’t feel gender dysphoria)
Neo gender users
Therians and furrys ♥️ I love you guys y’all are cool asf
Beginner artists
Two spirit lesbians
Trans woman Howdy truthers (I’ll die on this fucking hill I swear)
butch lesbian enjoyers
butch4femme enthusiasts
Huntlow enthusiasts
Roxie richter fans!!
Platonic Julie and Wally fans
Fandoms Im in
Romeo + Juliet (1996)
scott pilgrim (SPTO specifically)
Welcome home
The owl house (I’m only here for huntlow and Eda)
One piece
Strange Hill High
Tf2
DHMIS
Spiderverse
Warrior cats
RTC (Ride the cylcone)
Trolls (I am cringe but I’m free)
Music and Artists I enjoy
Rio Romeo
Cosmo sheldrake
Felix Colgrave
Sparkbird
ICP
Sodikken
sorry mom
Mitski
MSI (I don’t support the lead singer)
The crane wives
Sufjan Stevens
Megan Nash
The oozes
Hoizer
Will Wood
@winslow-arts
Myself
All of my moots
Dana Terrace
Ships I rly rly like
Wallaby (obvi)
Roxie x Kim (SPTO)
Ragatha x Pomni
Howdy x Poppy aka Powdy (trans fem howdy bb)
Frank x Eddie
Josuyasu (I love these dumbasses)
Julie x Sally
Huntlow (they have consumed my mind)
Barnaby x Wally x Frank x Eddie
Barb x Poppy (theyre so yuriful)
Tybalt x Romeo (doomed yaoi my fave)
Viva x Clay (I don’t ship broppy)
Branch x king trollex
More to come
Boundaries
I am comfortable with:
KYS jokes if we’re moots
Calling the characters I draw stinky as a joke
Suggestive and gore content of my AUs/Characters (u can tag me if u want idgaf)
NSFW content being created of the Trad Goth Wally AU same thing with the thriller AU (do not tag me)
Fics of my characters and AUs that have sexual elements (do tag me in fics but add a warning if it is suggestive or has sexual elements)
I am not comfortable with:
Being referred to w/ primarily She/Her pronouns
Calling the characters I draw sexy or sexualizing them
People DMing me (unless they are my moot or it’s for comms)
NSFW asks
Flirting w/me (unless I know you irl or we’re moots or you’re butch 😍😍)
Bye! Please be kind!
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stuff i’ve made and things i like!!
hi!! i'm rex, aka stergeon, aka @rumtumtuggerofficial, but you can call me whatever you want. i'm a 29-year-old dyke who likes to write and draw sometimes.
📬 askbox: open!! send me stuff to draw or write (or just say hi that’s fine too)
📖 my fics on ao3: check ‘em out here!! comments & critique are always appreciated <3
current fixation:
fire emblem: three houses. my main project right now is hubert’s perfectly normal day, a post-crimson flower interactive comic.
what you’ll find here:
🛡️ fire emblem
🌋 morrowind / elder scrolls
⚔️ the locked tomb series
🧝 elfs / 🎲 dnd
👎 bad jokes
👯♀️ wlw
🐟 random things that strike my fancy
my tags, OCs, and other drabble under the cut
tags
pretty much everything posted here is my own work (everything else goes on my main blog). i don’t really post nsfw art, but i do write nsfw stuff. expect sword-related violence and occasional sapphic sex.
if there are any tags you’d like me to add to my posts, please let me know!
🗣️ asks
🎨 comics
👁️🗨️ musings/text posts
🐠 pictures of sturgeons
OCs
these are my dnd characters who i like very much and draw with some frequency :0)
ioril revendran
ioril is a Teen Drow™ from my Out of the Abyss campaign. he’s a wannabe wizard, a rude dweeb, and a political/religious extremist. he’s a busy boy!
he wrote a manifesto calling for change to drow culture and better treatment of men in their matriarchal society, as well as abolishing worship of the cruel goddess Lolth. this went over about as well as one might think and he was sentenced to death.
though he was ready to die “for the cause,” a group of surface-dwellers he shared a cell with convinced him he might be interested in seeing something called “the sun” and asked him to help them escape the underdark.
ioril is also an expy of my morrowind character and has a Dramatic Secret Backstory that’s basically the plot of the game, so wish him luck finding the volcano-dwelling godboyfriend of his dreams. unfortunately, that may be extra difficult to accomplish as he recently passed away in a tragic "blew himself up" accident, but here's hoping he can still pull it off!
rokas
rokas is a wood elf tempest cleric of Kord… or at least she was when she entered Barovia in my Curse of Strahd campaign. she was a brash and idealistic former soldier dedicated to helping as many people as she could in kord’s name, even if she wasn’t always that great at thinking her ideas through.
unfortunately the mists got to her and throughout her time there, she managed to become a werewolf, lose favor with her god and become a necromancy domain cleric, sprout skeletal wings, and became cursed to have to eat a pound of bones or fresh grave dirt every or she would die. though she had the opportunity to go home after slaying the vampire, she elected to stay in barovia instead. if only the dang vampire had stayed dead
#sterge.rtf#i have the interests of a young child (pirates / knights / cowboys/ trains / swords / high fantasy / pretty ladies)#but with the evolutionary advantage of being an adult lesbian#so i got that going for me
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falsettos, act 2 (1992)
feel free to change as needed.
it's about time to grow up, don't you think?
when am i gonna get over this?
this is so much crap.
religion's just a trap that ensnares the weak and the dumb.
we're more excited than we should be.
we'll have a ball!
isn't he an asshole?
where's my hug?
i've got delicious food for you!
i hate baseball, i really do.
hey, where the hell'd they get that umpire!
you're looking sweeter than a donut.
i wanna see the bald spot.
he looks damn good, but he's cheap as dirt.
do you think there's any hope for the kid?
you got this, buddy!
would it be possible to see you, or to kiss you, or to give you a call?
what is that smell?
hi, honey.
drop it, sweetheart.
what's the matter, [name] darling?
everything will be alright.
for the first time in months, nobody died.
saving lives, i feel invincible.
i can't fucking deal with that!
you're a pain in the ass.
lucky dink!
don't you think it's a blessing i'm so pathetically bad?
it's not a funeral, what's so upsetting?
you have paintings of dicks, don't talk to me about taste!
everyone hates their parents, don't be ashamed.
nothing that gives them pleasure i'll do.
you are gonna kill your mother.
[name], darling, don't get nervous.
kid, i guess you'll grow up.
i can't eat breakfast. i can barely tie my shoe.
let's just say, i'm glad he's mine.
what more can i say?
i was taught never brag or shout.
that's the simple truth.
dammit, even i'm surprised.
people might think i'm very dyke-ish.
if i'm a bitch, well, i am what i am!
something bad is happening. something very bad is happening.
tell me, dear, if you'd like seconds.
go ahead and wound my pride.
you always see the glass half full.
this is fucking ridiculous!
try to be a decent loser!
do you know all i want is you?
anything you do is alright.
i'm trying to keep sane as the rules keep changing.
life is never what you planned.
i'm plain, i don't astound.
you're looking very good today. you had to see yourself a few days back, i had a heart attack!
today you seem to be on the way to recovery.
it's days like this, i almost believe in god.
for aches and croup, try my chicken soup.
since i'm parking in the city, i've improved, or else the hydrants moved.
go ahead, be good and pissed.
i'll make you well.
gee, you look awful.
i'll let you win.
here's your chance to give me hell.
hell, let's have a party, just like nothing happened.
why don't you make this dumb decision yourselves?
we'll wait until you make a decision.
this is the start to you becoming a man.
who'd believe that we two would end up as lovers?
please don't get morbid.
i haven't died yet.
i'm sick, but kicking.
i'm staying here in this spot, whether you want me to or not.
please go home and don't be scared.
what's the fuss?
[name], did you hear what i said?
shut your mouth, go to sleep.
i can't help but feeling i've failed.
let's be scared together. let's pretend that nothing is awful.
there's nothing to fear. just stay right here.
i love you.
is it a bad time? if it's a bad time, we'll come back.
look at us. old friends.
we don't know what time will bring.
i love bad weather!
i love the earth beneath my feet!
i love friends that hover!
could you please make my friend stop dying?
at least death means i'll never be scared of dying again.
you gotta die sometime.
death is not a friend, but i hope in the end, he takes me in his arms and let's me hold his face.
i would cry if i could, but it does no damn good.
close your eyes, while we redecorate.
anyone for bubbly?
i feel more helpless than i have in years.
the candelabra sets the tone.
i think, perhaps, i'm overdressed.
try to make him smile more.
kid, do you know how proud i am?
what would i do if i had not met you?
when i'm having fun, you're the one i wanna talk to.
i'd do it again.
how am i to face tomorrow after being screwed out of today?
i'd beg or steal or borrow if i could hold you for one hour more.
once i was told that good men get better with age.
what would i do if you hadn't been my friend?
lovers come and lovers go.
this is where we take a stand.
#meme#rp meme#roleplay meme#ask meme#askbox meme#inbox rp meme#askbox#inbox meme#ask#roleplay#tumblr rp#rp#tumblr roleplay#rp sentence meme#sentence starter meme#sentence starters#roleplay sentence meme#sentence meme#askbox rp#rp inbox meme
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N..no no NO!!
Warnings: swearing homophonic old terms (dyke,leso, hore and more) violences ,fighting blood  
Coming out to abusevie mother and then your unknown powers come to the surface
:paring fem reader x wanda :
“What the fuck!! First you make my husband leave and now your some fucking dyke” your mother yells at you as she raises her fist up to you and punches your face “I should left you on the fucking streets you fucking homo” *hit* “I should of left you at fucking hydra” *hit*
Little did your mother know the powers within you start to show you start to hear there voices again the muffled low female one and the booming low loud one
“lasă-ne să ieșim e timpul și/n” (let us out it’s time. y/n)
You keep your eyes closed while getting hit and then your mother throws you to the wall and grips your throat making it difficult to breath
“You deserve to die you fucking homo”
Then you start to see black spot around you and your mothers voice starts to be distance and muffled and then your eyes roll back and your body shake
“lasă-ne să mergem creatură” (let us go creature) your voice mixed with an unfamiliar one with you, you blink and your eyes change colour on fully white the other semi black semi glossy gray colour you reach out and water wraps around your mothers throat and starts to choke her
“am fost ascunși de mult timp acum suntem liberi putem controla acest corp de vase și putem prelua această lume și altele care vor veni prima noastră victimă, tu vei muri din mâinile noastre”.
(We have been hidden for a long time now we are free we can control this body of vessels and we can take over this world and others that will come our first victim, you will die from our hands)
the unfamiliar voice witch is now mixed with a low male voice then you get fire in your palm and the water disappears making your mother gasp for air
“cu aceasta vei muri din mâini” ( with this you will die from our hands)
-THE AVENGERS POV-
“Why is this meeting called for eye?” Natasha says sitting in her chair
“well we just got word that there is an enhanced personal roming free possible that missing person from that hydra base all of you looked into agent hill put the files up on the screen please”
Your file pops up on the screen
-FILE NUMBER 2491-
NAME: Y/N M/N L/B
SUBJECT NUMBER: 2491
AGE: UNKNOWN
D/O/B: Y/D/1980
POWERS: the nine tale fox, all element control and has Raava within her
“What the hell is the nine tailed fox?” Wanda says looking Nick
“Well let me show you agent hill bring the paper up about the nine tailed fox please”
On the screen
-The Nine-Tailed Demon Fox (九尾の妖狐, Kyūbi no Yōko) is the most powerful out of all nine of the tailed beasts; a single swipe from just one of its nine tails can create tsunamis and flatten mountains. Currently he is in Human Form and calls himself Kori (狐狸 Kori).-
“So we are dealing some fucking demon and element bender person?”
“Don’t that tony” Wanda snaps back at tony
“Yes you are mr stark and she doesn’t know about these powers of her hydra made so that her powers would loosen up the older she got so I’m guessing we should hurry up and get her back here and get her on side got it?” Everyone nods “alright she should be in her ‘house’ be careful the mother is with hydra but by the things I’ve been told her powers are starting to take control so hurry up and get out there team go!”
Everyone rushes out and suits up and goes to where your house is where your just standing out the front holding your mother by her hair
“VOI VOI MORI CA VOI OAMENII NE-A LUAT DIN FAMILIA NOASTRĂ”
(YOU WILL DIE LIKE YOU PEOPLE TOOK US FROM OUR FAMILY AND KILLED THEM)
Your voice mixed with the other two voices yell and then you bring your hand up and throw your mother and bend some stone out of the ground and punch at the air that’s hits your mother into someone’s house you teleport behind her and kick her towards the team of avengers the lifeless rolls on the ground in front of them you walk towards them the three marks across your cheeks are more noticeable now and tony steps out first
“hello there miss we are good guys so-”
you bend and make stone tightly clasp around tony making his suit break and not work and then Steve walks forward slowly he put his shield down and shows his hands
“we can talk about miss can we know your name?”
Your body tenses up but you look at everyone then you see in the corner of your eye Hawkeye with his bow drawn you teleport to him and bend larva into your hands and harden them and start fight him you hit him to the ground and bend some metal to hold him down then stand up with your right side (the side with the eye with glossy gray and black eye -the nine tails ‘side’-) that side of your face skin is starting to melt with the marks on your face being very noticeable now you run and claw at the walls and roofs and drop down behind Steve and knock him out the wrap him and metal to hold him down and then there was Natasha and Wanda left Natasha runs at you and you two start to fight while Wanda try’s to get into your head after attempt she sees the nine tail and gasp as she see  Kurama with Raava chained up with their negative sides standing over them and then she sees you chained up in the middle of a pool of something in the air (like how Korra was when she got poisoned) with your head down low then Kurama (bad side) sees her and roars at her and scars Wanda to point where she screams in real time and shakes while Natasha and you keep fighting and Clint gets free and shots an arrow at you that shocks you making you fall unconscious but Nat catches you
“what did you see Wanda?” “T..the nine tails and R..Raava a..and her s..she lost control a..and those two within her are chained down in her s..same with her”
Clint and Nat look at each other confused and scared “cmon we need get her to her med and to the tower” Clint nods his head and frees tony and tony grabs Steve shield and helps Steve up and they go to the tower
“Bruce get a bed ready for y/n!”
“Okay” Bruce gets a bed ready as Natasha rushes in with you in her arms as Wanda isn’t that far behind her Nat places you on the bed “her thoughts are to loud Nat” Wanda whispers “what’s she saying?”
-in your thoughts-
-k- what the hell was that?!
-y- I don’t know I can’t wake up!
-R- will you two calm down we are in some room
-y- w..we are back t..there n..no no no NO NO
-out of you thoughts-
“Bruce stop don’t strap them down”
“Bu-“
“I said don’t there scared all three of them are”
Nat gets what is going on
“is there a female doctor on hand could we get her in?” Bruce nods his head and walks out Wanda grab your hand and puts her forehead to yours and gets into your head
-in your thoughts-
Wanda appears
-Y- n..no please s..stay away I’m sorry
-W- hey hey it’s okay I’m a good guy okay I’m Wanda or the scarlet witch what’s your names?
-y- I..I’m
-k- how did you get into her head?
-w- well that’s one of my abilities I’m similar to you in someways like I’ve got abilities I’m the scarlet witch
-R- so your the one who gave me life
-w- w..well yes and no the scarlet witch is within me like you two are within u..um what’s your name
-y- Y…Y/N
-w- nice to meet you y/n so yeah you two live within y/n like the scarlet witch is in me
-R&K- ohhhhhhhhh
-R- oh by the way I’m Raava and this is Kumar but Kumar will warm up to you so just take your time with him
-W- okay so like I was saying we are the good guys okay?
-you fade out in thin air-
-R- okay but I’ll just tell you something okay? Before y/n went loose with her powers um her mother triggered them in a bad way her mother was very very abusevie to her both sober and drunk okay so take your time with her if you hurt her we will both hurt you got it?
Wanda nods her head on disbelief but understands
-k- now get out of here witch
-Wanda gets out of your head and smiles softly at you as you slowly start to wake up-
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Hiiii ❤️ 16 and 15 lovely!!
Omg HIIIIIIII!!!! one of my lovely femme mutuals <33
15) receive or send dirty messages while at work?
Oooooooo!!! Okay ideally both. But with the mood I'm in right now, think it would be fun to tease my butch while I'm at work. Tell them all the dirty thoughts I'm having about them.
tell them how I can't wait to get home so I can eat the delicious food they made us , and then they can fuck me nice and hard into our mattress until I'm screaming their name.
16) have your dirty thoughts shared with those around you or know the dirty thoughts of those around you?
Both would make me blush. On one hand having my dirty thoughts shared would make me die from embarrassment. Wanting to be railed by a butch lesbian while I call them daddy, having people know the absolutely depraved things I want a butch to do to me- I'll die if anyone knows that. However... If I'm in a group of other horny lesbians I don't mind as much lol!
On the other hand, if I'm out and about I would HATE knowing what thoughts people are having. I'm goth and I have massive, cartoonishly large, tits. I don't wanna know what sickening disgusting things the men around me are thinking. I would start exploding people with my mind, their guts and flesh sprayed across the walls.
However... In a room full of horny lesbians. I wouldn't mind. So I thinkkkkkk I might go with #2 because I never know if people are into me 1) because Im autistic and 2) because I never know if people are interested in me or just think I look cool and want to be gal pals (a thing that often happens to me). Many women think I look and dress cool and want to be friends because of it. I'm goth, I have a buncha face piercings, and I'm friendly. So because of this its hard to know when someone is a dyke and wants me, or just wants to hang out as friends. So at least with me knowing their horny thoughts I can at least know who wants me.
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The Kill Club by Wendy Heard
This review WILL contain spoilers, because I love to gossip and analyze.
The Kill Club is written with some honestly pretty engaging emotional moments, a VERY juicy plot concept, and characters that repeatedly forget to be complex because the plot needs to happen.
Overall, I liked it, but there's some final act drama that really embodied the subtle problems with the entire book-namely, that characters will act motivated by story need and not character motives. I would recommend reading it, even if it wasn't my cup of tea I know it would satisfy many people.
The plot- abusers should die. Here's a dyke biker with sleeve tats who loves her kid brother*, but doesn't have custody of said kid brother due to foster home custody nonsense. She witnesses some crime, gets a shady flip phone, and all of the sudden she's told that if she kills a person she's never met, someone else will kill her abuser for her and she will never get caught. This is the set up and call to action, and it rocked. From here on spoilers and plot summary will be rampant
*he's her kid kid, but this book has three plot twists so I'm not even going to bother with this one
Don't worry about the plot. Most of the plot, while engaging, is really not done justice by a internet summary. Because the plot is Not about events as much as it is emotional moments- Jazz begging Carol to let Joaquin have his medicine, Jazz feeling desperate and angry and worn down in turns, Sofia's desperate attempts to get her kid back, the dawning horror when you realize that redheaded dude you only knew for one chapter just became a canary in the coal mine for the club killing it's 'failed' members.
The plot, without those strong character motivations that tie the actions into a whole, becomes honestly kind of...trite. Jazz runs around not getting help, and has a moral backbone that's completely out of place. Okay, bouts of rage...but only rage that's on 'proper' targets. Trespassing, but only to being medicine to her kid. The narrative bravely shields her from any chance of succeeding at her darker urges, like when she wants to kill Carol and there's randomly another operative there, cosplaying as Carol, completely blending in with church goers, oh and also apparently you're free to run around at church and aren't bound in pews like bookmarks in a dictionary.
Sofia is an upright (but not uptight) vice principal, who gives a straight girl tm hug in one chapter and then initiates make outs in another. While I won't pretend to be well versed in LA county schools, I feel like the type of school Carol would send her kid to would not love a lesbian vice principal. LA religious fanatics seem to group together, only floating around to evangelicalize in public.
A twist is that the person behind the shady phone calls is a cop. No, this does not seem to be foreshadowed, but if I missed it I'd love to be wrong. Then she gets killed in what is honestly a pretty cool scene. Then, plot twist! The killer is actually TWO cops! In a trenchcoat!! And cop 2 is going to bring Jazz back into the main plot for no reason but to build last page sequel suspense.
Sofia had a moment where I thought a really interesting conflict of interest would occur. I thought she might attempt to murder Jazz. I was in fact excited for this. Unfortunately, Heard's characters aren't allowed to actually do anything too dubious, so for no particular reason she's tasked to spy instead. And she's so guilty about it, and not at all cutthroat like she was earlier about protecting her kid mama bear style.
Jazz also manages to avoid any morally bad killing, for honestly pretty weak reasons. Oh I know this dude... Oh sorry got my ass beat... Oh I meant to kill an abuser but I accidentally killed an murderer. Jazz also isn't allowed to be in the wrong about Joaquin's situation either- years of neglect (honestly a harsh word, but not inaccurate) by allowing Joaquin to be in an actively dangerous house is brushed off with an oh I guess I was scared.
Honestly, the worst thing about the kill club is how empty it is. Again, there are genuinely strong emotional moments, complex characters, and cool settings. But the plot itself is paper thin, and if I took a shot everytime a character contradicted themselves to further the plot I would be one of the random homeless junkies that pop up whenever Jazz is thinking. Did I mention the random homeless junkies? In all fairness, it is set in LA, but the way they only existed when Jazz was upset made them like magical depression fairies.
Anyway, I would recommend this book, but I advise you handle it gently lest the plot crumble under your fingers. For those who care, the gay sex is fade to black, pretty much every character who stays alive is a woman, and there's some bomb ass quotes to put out of context on Instagram.
#the kill club by wendy heard#book review#wendy heard if you see this please avert your eyes. the tldr is that the characters acted to propel the plot at the cost of their traits.
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Trying to watch the new hbomb video cos my friend recommended it and im having a hard time. I dont like the word queer. I know. Unpopular opinion to have as a gay.
But where im coming from is every time i hear that word, im not instantly associating it with gay people. Queer doesnt mean gay to me. It means strange. It means odd. It means deviant.
I dont hear "Queer creators", i hear "freakish creators", "weird creators", "abnormal creators".
I cant remove that connection. I cant relearn that connection. To me, queer means freak. It sometimes physically makes me flinch and cringe. Its a word that has so much derision and hatred in it and i just cant forget that. It's a powerful word.
And i know people love the word because its so inclusive... But... Inclusive to who? Cos it certainly isnt inclusive to the people in your community who are hurt by that word. Okay, so what? Not everyone has to be included... But thats a contradictory statement to the one given just before. So that must mean that the word is there to make some people feel comfortable at the expense of others.
Am i slightly hypocritical in this sense? Yeah, i'll call a fellow lesbian a dyke, but i dont call us members of the dyke community. And i make sure the person is okay with being called that. And i would never call someone who wasnt comfortable being called that a dyke.
But ive been called queer, regardless of how i felt. And im part of the queer community whether i like it or not. It just feels like a word ive had no choice in.
And i dont understand how its become so popular. Maybe most people havent had the experience of hearing people like them be described as "nothing but a group of filthy queers" or some other derivative thereof: whatever. But lets look at the word's definition. Odd. Strange. Abnormal. Freakish. Weird. How can you identify with that proudly?
"Definitions change". Yeah, they do. But a word doesnt magically go from meaning one thing to another. Queer doesnt magically become positive overnight. It takes a long time. Language evolves over lengthy timespans, and you cant just expect someone with their lifetime's experience of a word meaning one thing to suddenly change its definition to another. Maybe in 100 years from now queer will be a happy word with no one alive ever having been called it negatively. But gay people still died with that word being the last thing they heard. People were murdered. By their neighbours, by their families, by the state. People are still being murdered. People are still hearing it with hatred. That word has barbs. It has thorns. Maybe one day no one will be hurt by it anymore and everyone will be happy about it. But you're going to have to wait for people like me to die out first.
I didnt particularly like gay as an umbrella term either. Do you know what i prefer it to though? I prefer it over calling myself a slur i dont identify with.
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Dungeons and Dragons and Understanding What Impacts My Pain
Sometimes it's difficult to express how frustrating it is to try to figure out what affects my Willis-Ekbom syndrome.
But playing Dungeons & Dragons this weekend shook an idea loose in my brain.
It has to do with dice and hit points.
In D&D, you use different types of polyhedral dice with varying numbers of sides. The standard way to represent this is with a number (how many of those dice you roll) followed by D4 for a four sided die, D6 for a six sided die, and so on. So rolling two "standard" dice in craps would be rolling 2D6. If you need modify the result, you add a plus or minus sign followed by the number. So 1D4+4 is rolling a four sided die, then adding four to the result.
This leads to some interesting choices when you're deciding what weapons you want your character to use. 1D12 and 2D6 are not the same, and over time, can give very different results. Likewise, 1D4+4 gives very very different results than 1D8. Heck, over time, 1D4+4 will have a higher average result than 1D10. Try it yourself with an online die roller.
Now, imagine that Sir John is attacking Blargh, an ogre. Sir John is using a longsword, which does 1D8 damage. That round, Blargh takes six points of damage - obviously from the longsword, and John rolling a 6 on 1D8.
The next round, Sir John is joined by Felix the Untrustworthy. Felix is using a short sword, which does 1D6 damage. That round, Blargh again takes six points of damage.
With only the information above, you cannot tell which character hit, or how much damage each of them did. There are too many possible combinations.
Which is exactly what you're trying to do when you're figuring out what things affect your chronic pain, and what factors caused it to cross a threshold. Sure, you might be able to figure out that the barometric pressure (for me) has a large effect, and that antihistamines have a smaller (but noticeable) effect, sure. So let's call those 2D10 and 1D10.
I've started looking into the possibility that MSG can cause problems as well. But if it does have an effect, it's a smaller one - perhaps 1D8.
Which leaves me wondering that if I end up with a 18 the day I consume MSG, and a 12 the day I don't, is that because of the MSG? Or is it because I "rolled" high on the other factors I already know about? What about the other way around? It's just as possible that if I end up "rolling" a 10, it's because the MSG "rolled" an 8 and the other two only rolled 1's.
Even doing a BRAT or elimination diet wouldn't be particularly useful in this kind of (hypothetical) situation, because the variable nature of the biggest factors mean that any way the MSG affected me would be impossible to separate out.
Keep that in mind when you're talking with someone with chronic pain, particularly those with poorly-understood neurological issues (/me waves at all the fibrofolk), especially when talking about the things that cause (and alleviate) their discomfort.
And maybe give 'em a healing potion or two.
Featured Photo by Timothy Dykes on Unsplash
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hii! great work. can i request a really sad oneshot with wanda x fem!reader on a mission and r's about to die and wanda panics and cries but both of their comms are malfunctioning, and r impromptu proposes to wanda and even jokes around and tells her all about their plans for the future as a married couple but apologizes because she cant make those plans anymore and the backup arrives but they're all too late. would really appreciate if you'd make it sad as hell (i'm in for the emotional torture) thank you very much!
If Only
Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader
Warnings: cussing, death, angst
A/N: hello! wow really pulling out the angst with this request. heartbreaking one shot? you’re speaking my language. hope you enjoy! not proofread. join my taglist <3
Summary: A mission gone wrong takes everything away from Wanda.
Word Count: 2K
(gif is not mine)
You and your girlfriend, Wanda were Avengers. Being apart of “the earth’s mightiest heroes” was amazing. You had the ability to protect and save people on the daily, but it also had its cons. You were all constantly thrown into life threatening situations. The thought that one day, one of your teammates wouldn’t make it back to the compound terrified you. Especially if it were Wanda. You couldn’t even do much as think about something happening to her; you wouldn’t survive if she didn’t make it home one day.
You had been dating Wanda for 3 years. You met her when the whole Ultron situation went down. You guys quickly became friends and turned into something more. You loved her more than anyone or anything. You’d stop at nothing to protect her. You’d quite literally do anything to keep Wanda out of harm’s way.
Now, here you were with the team. You were all on the Quinjet on your way to a major Hydra base. Destroying this base was important. They had been working on very destructive and dangerous weapons in that base. You guys had to blow the place to the ground and prevent them from using any of their new toys.
You were sat beside Wanda while the team prepared for battle. You looked towards Wanda and it was painfully obvious that she was nervous. You raised your eyebrows at her as she was currently zoned out, looking at the wall in front of you both.
“Penny for your thoughts?” You asked quietly so Wanda would be the only one to hear the question. She snapped out of her trance at the sound of your voice and whipped her head to the side to face you.
“It’s nothing.” Wanda dismissed your concern as her gaze returned to the wall, refusing to look you in the eye. You were even more concerned now.
“You’ve always been a terrible liar, babe. What’s wrong? You can tell me, you know that.” You say as you grab her hand that was closest to you. Wanda let out a sigh as she returned her gaze to you once more.
“I just… I have this bad feeling. I feel as if this mission is a bad idea and that we should turn around now, while we still have the chance.” Wanda whispered quietly, her voice so gentle and small, with so much fear present. Your heart ached at the terror on her face.
“Wands, we’ve been on way tougher missions than this one. It’ll be fine, we’ll make it back home in no time and we can finish season 4 of The Dick Van Dyke show together when we get back.” You gave her a reassuring smile as you gave her hand a tight squeeze. Wanda, although not convinced, gave you a tight-lipped smile back as she squeezed your hand back.
“We land in five. Everyone get into position and remember the plan. Plant the bombs, Tony starts the countdown, and get out.” Steve spoke in his “Captain voice,” you called it, as he made his way to the entrance of the jet. You and Wanda stood up and faced each other.
“I love you.” You said as you grabbed both of her hands in hers before kissing them and placing them above your heart. “I love you too.” Wanda said shakily as she removed her hands from your chest and gave you a harsh kiss. You could feel the desperation and fear in the way she kissed you. It was as if it would be the last. You knew it wouldn’t be, but you humored her and kissed her back just as urgently.
After that, the jet landed and you all made your way into the base. You and Natasha were paired together to go into the heart of the building and plant the bombs. You both made it in with little to no effort. There were a few Hydra agents that you guys quickly took care of. As you both made it to the room that was in the heart of the building, you had planted your bomb and secured it before turning to Natasha.
“You good?” You asked Natasha as she finished placing the bomb on the wall. “Yeah, you?” She asks back as she faces you.
“Yeah, I’m all good. Let’s get out of here.” You spoke as you guys made it out the door of the room you were in. However, you should have known it wouldn’t be that easy. There were at least 20 Hydra agents waiting for you both outside. You and Natasha began to fight with the agents before a beeping sound had caught everyone’s attention. The bomb, Tony must’ve started the timer. Fuck.
You knew the timer was set for 5 minutes. There was no way you’d both make it out of there in time. Natasha was like a sister to you and you refused to let her die. As you grunted, fighting off two agents at once, you spoke to Natasha.
“Nat. You have to get out of here. This place is going to blow.” You spoke as you knocked the two agents out. Natasha turned to face you as she knocked another agent out cold. “Like hell I’m going to leave you here. Absolutely not.” Natasha sent you a glare as she began to fight another agent, you doing the same.
“Nat. We can’t have two dead Avengers. You have to leave. Now.” You spoke as Natasha stared at you. “GO! NOW!” You yelled as 5 more Hydra agents filed into the hallway.
Natasha hesitated before rushing out of the building. As you finished off the final 5, you made your way back into the room you guys planted the bombs. You only have 2 minutes left. There was no way you could make it out in that time. You were done for.
You shakily placed your hand on your ear and activated your com. “Wanda, baby.” Your voice came out wearily as you stared at the bomb, counting down the last moments of your life.
“Y/N? Where the hell are you?” Wanda asked hurriedly as she stood outside in the Quinjet. Her gaze was set on the doors of the building, waiting to see you rush through the doors and back into her arms.
“Uh… don’t be mad, but I’m kinda sorta still in the building. I think I’m going to have to take a rain check on our Dick Van Dyke plans.” You let out a forced laugh in an attempt to calm Wanda, but that didn’t work.
“WHAT? I’m going in to get you.” Wanda spokes as Steve held her back. She pushed him back with her powers before the other Avengers tried to hold her back to. Tony began to get to work, attempting to disable the bombs from the source.
You panicked as you spoke back to her through the comms. “I said don’t be mad! Don’t come in. You won’t make it to me in time Wands. I love you so god damn much. Thank you for the happiest 3 years of my life, I wish we had more time.” You spoke fast as you noticed you only had one minute left. A crazy thought entering your mind.
“Will you marry me, Wanda?” You asked her through the comms and the team’s hearts broke at your question. Wanda stopped her fighting as tears began to fill her eyes.
“Wha- yes. Of course I’ll marry you baby. But you’ll have to get out of there first.” Wanda shakily replied as she allowed the tears to fall freely across her cheeks. She never once looked away from the building that held you; the love of her life.
“We’ll have a big, beautiful wedding with the entire team there. Afterwards, we’ll buy a little house in the suburbs and have children of our own running around.” The comms began to act up at this point. You ignored her last statement as you came in broken and static, but Wanda heard every word. Your words broke her even more, knowing that this would never be possible for you both now.
“Tony! Hurry the fuck up!” Wanda screamed at the billionaire as he typed away. “I’m going as fast as I can! I’m almost done!” He yelled back, just as frustrated. You were like a daughter to him. He refused to let you die when he can do something to stop it.
“Then, we’ll grow old together and meet our grandchildren. We’d spoil the hell out of them. And we would die together and live a life together in the afterlife. If only we had more time… I- it’s about to blow. Wanda, I lo-“ Your little speech was interrupted and comms were cut off by the building exploding into pieces.
Tony was too late. He had been a millisecond too late, but that was all it took to take you away from this world. Away from the team. The weight of grief and failure hung over the Avengers as they stood silently, in shock.
“It should’ve been me.” Natasha spoke as her voice broke. Natasha cared deeply for you. You had both been the only women on the team before Wanda joined. So naturally, you guys stuck together. If Natasha had stayed with you, you at least wouldn’t have died alone. You didn’t deserve this. Natasha should’ve stayed. But it was a little too late for that. All Natasha and the rest of the team could do was mourn and cry.
Wanda fell to her knees and sobbed as the building you were in was now nothing but rubble, fire, and smoke. You had proposed to her and told her about the future you wanted with her in the final moments of your life. You guys were supposed to live a long, happy life together and live out your dreams together.
Now, Wanda would have to live out the rest of her days without you. She wouldn’t have you by her side to hold her when life got rough. She wouldn’t hear your laugh as you laughed at her terrible jokes in an attempt to make her feel better. She wouldn’t wake up to you beside her anymore. She wouldn’t walk down the aisle with you stood at the altar, tears in your eyes as you took her white dress in.
She wouldn’t be able to buy a house with you and have a family with you, like you said earlier. She wouldn’t get to turn old and grey with you as you guys spent the last moments of your life holding onto one another for dear life. All these moments and opportunities were cruelly snatched away by this stupid fucking mission. Something that was supposed to be easy, a smooth sailing type of mission, took a turn for the worse.
If only you guys had met under different circumstances, maybe you would still be alive. Maybe if Wanda had been with you, she could’ve saved you and gotten you both out of there on time. All these different scenarios made their way into Wanda’s mind, all the things she could’ve done ate at her. She felt like she was drowning in despair. She hadn’t felt this broken since she lost Pietro. Not only did she lose her brother, now she lost the love of her life. The person she wanted to spend forever with, was now gone forever.
Wanda was sad and angry. She was devastated that you would no longer be present in her life. All the promises you had made to each other now broken by death. She was also angry at the world. Had she not dealt with enough loss? Was her family not enough? Now she had to lose the love of her life? Her soulmate? The one person who got her through all her grief and trauma? Why was the universe so fucking cruel to her?
The Avengers had lost a team mate, a sister, a lover. As the team cried and held onto each other, this massive loss affecting them all, Wanda could only think one thing. She knew that you guys should’ve turned around. She knew it.
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As the World Falls Down - Chapter 2
Helmut Zemo x Gender Neutral Reader
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3
Chapter Summary: In which we hear a little from Helmut Zemo, the city is flying, and you find a baby. Not necessarily in that order.
Rating: Mature (17+)
Chapter Warnings/Tags: Slow Burn; Here there be angst; Accidental Child acquisition; Mentioned child neglect by others
A/N: I made myself sad while writing this chapter, knowing that certain things mentioned will never happen. Here begins the forewarned angst. Maybe once I finish this story, I’ll write a fluffy AU.
Chapter 2: Beneath a Fallen Sky (Age of Ultron) - Part 1
Word Count: 2.1k
Colonel Helmut Zemo repositioned his earpiece. He was not a man prone to fidgeting and never had been, especially on the job, but he had counted his squad after they had gotten clear of the city and they were one short.
You were missing.
His family was safe, his squad was safe, but you were not. While he kept his expression neutral, inside was a different story. You had to be here somewhere. You just had to be. He would not accept any other outcome. Once they arrived at their base outside the city, he searched room after room and asked person after person and could not find you. You were not in the Mission Control Room or in your workshop fiddling with your gadgets. You did not seem to be anywhere, which meant that he had to consider the idea of you still being in the city.
“Q, come in Q. Where are you? Branko is in need of you. He broke his new infrared glasses and Ana tore her body armor. Don’t ask me how she did it, darling. We thought it was indestructible, but you know Ana. She took that as a challenge.” He let a hint of his desperation show in his voice. “Q, please come in.”
All Zemo heard was static before a voice, your voice, answered and he breathed out in relief. “Hey, Boss.” you started haltingly. You sounded tired and out of breath. “Well, I’m still in the city.” Here, you paused and Helmut’s hand clenched into a fist. “We’re in the air, Helmut... I don’t know if I’m going to make it. You’ll have to give Carl his birthday gift from me. I think he’ll like it.”
His smile was filled with clenched teeth and looked more like a grimace. “Even now, you joke, my Q. Even now.”
__________________
You held back a sob at the pain you could hear in his voice.
You had been meant to rendezvous with the rest of your squad at the checkpoint, but had stopped as you passed an orphanage. You thought you had heard a baby crying, but that couldn’t be right. The orphanage looked to be and should be empty. You strained your ears, knowing you couldn’t leave a baby or a child there to die. There it was again, a baby’s cry. You knew your squad was long gone, but you reassured yourself with the thought that you could easily catch up with them after you saved the baby.
You searched through the rooms on the lower floor before finding one with cribs. No baby was in sight. You paused, hearing fighting and chaos outside. Knowing that you had to move quickly, you hoped for another cry. Just as you were about to dig out your infrared glasses from your pack, there it was again. There was a cry coming from behind some hospital style curtains. You pushed them aside and found what looked like a newborn baby or close to it, abandoned before their life could even start.
You didn’t have much experience with kids, but hoped your time as a babysitter would help somewhat. You had been the babysitter for the family with twins that lived in the apartment complex a few blocks over. They had been cute kids, a boy and a girl, but they weren’t babies. You had been on the job when their apartment was bombed and heard the news afterwards. Even with your connections, you had no luck in finding out what happened to them. You assumed they died alongside their parents and mourned them accordingly. You were never able to bring yourself to watch The Dick Van Dyke Show anymore. It brought back too many memories.
You picked the baby up and cradled her to your chest as she blinked her eyes up at you. Well then, maybe not as newborn as you had supposed. Her eyes had already settled on a color that was close to your own. It was a bit uncanny. You smiled at her, tickling heir stomach as you checked her diaper. You crinkled your nose at the smell. “I see that’s why you’re crying, little one. Let me fix that for you.”
You laid the baby down to change her when her eyes scrunched up and she let out an almighty wail. “Oh my, little one. What strong lungs you have. What about a song? How does that sound, hmm?”
The baby continued to cry and squirm, and you knew this needed to be done quickly as the sounds of fighting had escalated outside and you didn’t want the robots to be alerted to your presence.
You began to sing, “We have been waiting for you. Now you are here. More perfect than I imagined. Our house is now a home. No matter where you go. Sunlight shines on you.” You sang the lullaby again as the baby stopped crying and blinked sleepily.
“There. All done. I’m glad you liked it, though I don’t know if I’m much of a singer. My mother used to sing it to me. You should hear my friend sing. He has such a lovely deep voice and my godson loves it when he sings ‘Baa, Baa, Black Sheep’. I’m sure they’ll both be excited to meet you.”
You smiled down at her and searched the room, finding a baby carrier hidden behind some blankets and formula in the fridge in the next room over. You lifted the baby and put her in the carrier, strapping it to your chest and chatting idly all the while. You noted that she must be around 4 to 5 months old as she supported her own head just fine. You fed her the formula, mopping up her chin, and prepared yourself to go outside. You positioned yourself by the window, gun in hand and infrared glasses in place. There didn’t seem to be any robots in the vicinity at the moment, which meant that it was time to leave and catch up with your squad. You checked the baby one last time and were glad to see that she was still asleep.
You were ready. You stepped outside the orphanage and started to jog in the same direction you were going earlier, doing your best not to jostle the baby. Maybe, you could get through this and get both you and your little charge to safety. Maybe, you would see Helmut again. Then, the street behind you began to splinter and crumble and the ground gave a great lurch. The city had begun to rise from the ground.
__________________
You debated what to do and came up with some semblance of a plan that had at least a 65% success rate. That was not in the least bit promising, but it was better than the 0% chance you had if you stayed here. You needed to get you and your new passenger off the city somehow, and this was the only plan you had thought of so it would have to do.
You had ducked down in an alley that you recognized as not too far from one of your favorite cafes when your phone began to ring. Quickly, you picked it up and answered it with a brief glance at the caller ID. It was Helmut.
__________________
“... Even now, you joke, my Q. Even now.”
“Well, Helmut, you know me. Always look on the bright side of life, even when the city is flying and you’re carrying an orphaned baby.”
“A baby, Q?” His tone was disbelieving and you could picture what he would have said if he were here in front of you. “Only you, Q, could get yourself into this mess. For someone so intelligent, you can be kind to the point of stupidity. I admire it as I admire you, but you must not let your compassion come before your safety.”
“Yes, Helmut. A baby. I think I’ll call her Alena. Maybe give her Heike as a middle name. What do you think? Oh, and you’ll be the godparents of course?”
You could hear Helmut let out a heavy breath and the slight hitch in his voice when he answered. “We’d be honored, Q. Heike will be thrilled and Carl will love having a new playmate. They’ll be like brother and sister I’m certain, eating Turkish Delights even when I’ve specifically told them not to.”
You laughed a bit wetly. “That’ll be nice. If we can get out of the city. We have something to look forward to. Cavities galore.”
He laughed and when he spoke his voice was softer than normal. “You’ve always had a soft heart, darling Q. My friend, I told you that your compassion might get you killed one day.” There it was. You knew he wouldn’t be able to resist commenting on what he sometimes thought of as a weakness of yours. You also knew that he wouldn’t have you any other way. He sounded composed over the line, but you knew him well enough to know that he was suppressing everything and trying to hold it back for you to keep your focus on your current situation.
On the other side of the phone, Zemo was glad that he was alone so no one could see their leader fighting to keep his emotions contained. Now was not the time to be showing weakness in front of his squad. They needed him controlled and composed.
You were the only member of his squad that he could be soft with anyway.
“I guess you were right, Boss. I guess you were right. But I’m going to do my best to make sure that today’s not that day.” You paused, holding in a sob. If you weren’t careful and if your plan didn’t succeed, then today would be that day.
Over the course of the conversation, you had been walking as fast as you could, without jostling Alena too much, in the direction of your apartment that was luckily in the center of the city. You dodged more robots, and had the brief thought that whoever had made these things had to be compensating for something.
Why else would they have made so many?
You continued, mustering your nerve as you finally came in sight of your apartment. “I love you, Helmut. You know that, right?”
“I love you too, my Q.” He responded without hesitation.
“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Helmut. The absolute best. Give my love to Carl and Heike.”
You had reached your apartment as the robots all began to fly towards the bridge side of the city, leaving the way clear for you. “Goodbye, Helmut Zemo. Use that exploding pen at least once for me, won’t you?”
With that, you ended the call and turned off your earpiece. You wanted to spare him what could be your final moments and selfishly did not want to hear a goodbye from him. It might be cruel of you to not give him the closure you now had, but a goodbye from him felt too final. It meant you would never see him or the little smiles he gave you, when he didn’t think it would be professional to laugh at your little asides during mission briefings, again.
Just the thought of never seeing Helmut smile or hearing him laugh again made your tears fall, which you quickly wiped away before they could hit Alena. You brushed your fingers through her baby fine hair and checked on her. “Still asleep, little one? It’s been a hard day for us and it’s about to get harder, but that’s okay because I have a plan.” Your eyes filled with determination as you walked towards your apartment’s makeshift workshop. You had just the project in mind for this.
__________________
You were unaware that in your squad’s base, Zemo was staring at his phone in horrified disbelief. You had hung up on him, and he was unable to help you from here. He was a powerful man, and this feeling of powerlessness both stunned and devastated him.
He could not save you.
Zemo threw the phone, smashing it against the wall, and screamed your name. Not Q, but your full name, the name he hadn’t called you in years. He received only silence in return. He trashed the room until his hands were bloody and as he fell to the ground, he finally allowed his anguish to break free and sobbed. He had not cried like this in years. The destruction of the room and his tears weren’t enough.
Nothing would ever be enough again.
He did the only thing he could do as he recalled your last words. “I will, my Q. I promise.”
Tag List: @rumblelibrary
A/N: I couldn’t help myself with the reference to the Maximoffs. The Sokovian lullaby is the translated version of the one Wanda sings in WandaVision. Please let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list for this series.
#zemo#helmut zemo#helmut zemo x reader#zemo x reader#colonel helmut zemo x reader#baron zemo x reader#zemo x you#colonel helmut zemo#baron zemo#Helmut Zemo & reader#colonel helmut zemo & reader#helmut zemo fanfiction#helmut zemo fanfic#daniel brühl#avengers#avengers: age of ultron#age of ultron#nocapeswriting#as the world falls down series#I just want everyone to be happy but they won't be for a bit#more angst is still to come in next chapter#just a forewarning
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Helloo, would it be a possible interpretation that the ideals and mindset that wwx follows is close to the religion and practice of Taoism?
Hello! That’s a fascinating question and I wish I had more knowledge to delve deeper on the subject but I’m a bit more familiar with the philosophy/spirituality part of Taoism than with its religious practices and rites. As always, anyone is welcome to add to the discussion or correct me if I misconstrue something, this is a vast topic and I’m just an interested layperson!
Xianxia in itself is a literary genre rife with references to Taoism: the pursuit of immortality, the internal alchemy to form a golden core, the Taoist exorcisms to drive out evil spirits, Taoist incantations and talismans, etc... But that does not necessarily make cultivators Taoists.
At the heart of Taoism is the philosophy of espousing harmony with nature, with the self, with the Tao. It’s about simplicity, spontaneity, non-attachment to worldly desires. In the introduction of my copy of the Zhuangzi (庄子), one of the main Taoist texts, the translator chooses the hero Yu the Great to epitomise the “going with the flow instead of fighting against the current” attitude dear to Taoists. Yu the Great is a legendary figure whose father, Kun, was tasked by the emperor Shun to protect the country from floods. Kun built barrages and dykes that held momentarily the waters in check but they ended up bursting, causing a flood even more devastating. The emperor banished Kun and entrusted the son, Yu the Great, with the same mission. Yu the Great succeeded by digging canals to help the course of water and let it flow to the sea. Yu the Great is referenced several times in the Zhuangzi and, interestingly, Wei Wuxian himself takes him as a model when he challenges Lan Qiren in the classroom and sows the seeds of what would become the foundation of his demonic cultivation:
魏无羡道：“横竖有些东西度化无用，何不加以利用？大禹治水亦知，堵为下策，疏为上策。镇压即为堵，岂非下策……”
Wei Wuxian said, “Anyway, there are some things that cannot be liberated so why not make use of them? Yu the Great who controlled the waters knew that building barrages to block was ineffective and dredging canals to reroute was the superior method. Suppression counts as blocking, wouldn’t is also be considered ineffective...” (ch.14)
The carefree and unfettered part of Wei Wuxian’s nature does fit Taoist ideals, you even have the opposition of the more Confucian-oriented Gusu Lan Sect and its rigid abidance with rules and ethics. However, Wei Wuxian is at odds with a key concept of Taoism: the principle of non-action (无为 wuwei). It’s not passivity or laziness, it’s letting nature runs its course, letting things fall into place. Wei Wuxian is very much shown to be assertive, even wilful, when his mind and heart are set on one thing. He does not hesitate to take matters into his own hands and jump into action. That’s especially true of his younger self who would rebel instead of do nothing, his older and wiser self after he is reborn is a bit more circumspect and knows when to speak out and when to hold his peace. Non-action is seen as the guiding principle of an ideal ruler, without the interference of government meddling, the state would (hypothetically) flourish on its own. I’ve seen some good meta on both the Chinese and the English-speaking sides of the fandom that makes good arguments that it’s actually Lan Xichen who personifies best this concept (x). Speaking of other characters from MDZS that parallel Taoist parables, Nie Huaisang reminds of the good-for-nothing tree which is praised by Zhuangzi. Because it bears no fruit, no one tore its branches to strip the fruits from them, because its wood is of poor quality, no carpenters cut it down. It is left alone and it is able to live long.
The Tao Te Ching (道德经, Daodejing) expounds three basic virtues called the Three Treasures (三宝): compassion (慈), frugality (俭) and humility (不敢为天下先, lit. ‘daring not to put oneself before others’ or ‘daring not to be first in the world’). The first two are for sure among Wei Wuxian’s qualities but the last one is more contentious, not because he is arrogant or boastful but because he dares setting himself apart. The following analysis in from a commentary of the Taoist text:
The third treasure, daring not be at the world's front, is the Taoist way to avoid premature death. To be at the world's front is to expose oneself, to render oneself vulnerable to the world's destructive forces, while to remain behind and to be humble is to allow oneself time to fully ripen and bear fruit. This is a treasure whose secret spring is the fear of losing one's life before one's time. This fear of death, out of a love for life, is indeed the key to Taoist wisdom. (Ellen M. Chen)
Wei Wuxian did not hesitate to ‘expose himself’ by being willing to be the first practitioner of demonic cultivation and in the end his downfall was at the hands of ‘the world’s destructive forces’, warmongering rumours and bloodthirsty hostility. Wei Wuxian is also not subject to fear of death, there are a few quotes that exemplify his carefree, devil-may-care mindset:
使我徒有身后名不如即时一杯酒。
Better have a cup of wine here and now rather than leave behind a posthumous good name. (ch.75 & Wei Wuxian’s CQL character song Qu Jin Chen Qing)
The quotation above comes from A New Account of the Tales of the World (世说新语), a collection of various anecdotes that was compiled in the 5th century, fittingly it’s from the “The Free and Unrestrained” (任诞) section.
生前哪管身后事，浪得几日是几日。
Why care about what happens after death while one is alive? Better live life to the utmost while one can. (ch.16)
I’m not sure if this one is a literary citation or not as I haven’t been able to track down a quote with this exact wording but it was very reminiscent to me to a chapter of the Liezi (列子), another Taoist text, attributes the following thoughts to the hedonist philosopher Yang Zhu:
One hundred years is the limit of a long life. Not one in a thousand ever attains it. Suppose there is one such person. Infancy and feeble old age take almost half of his time. Rest during sleep at night and what is wasted during the waking hours in the daytime take almost half of that. Pain and sickness, sorrow and suffering, death (of relatives) and worry and fear take almost half of the rest. In the ten and some years that is left, I reckon, there is not one moment in which we can be happy, at ease without worry. This being the case, what is life for? What pleasure is there? For beauty and abundance, that is all. For music and sex, that is all. But the desire for beauty and abundance cannot always be satisfied, and music and sex cannot always be enjoyed. Besides, we are prohibited by punishment and exhorted by rewards, pushed by fame and checked by law. We busily strive for the empty praise which is only temporary, and seek extra glory that would come after death. Being alone ourselves, we pay great care to what our ears hear and what our eyes see, and are much concerned with what is right or wrong for our bodies and minds. Thus we lose the great happiness of the present and cannot give ourselves free rein for a single moment. What is the difference between that and many chains and double prisons?
"Men of great antiquity knew that life meant to be temporarily present and death meant to be temporarily away. Therefore they acted as they pleased and did not turn away from what they naturally desired. They would not give up what could amuse their own persons at the time. Therefore they were not exhorted by fame. They roamed as their nature directed and would not be at odds with anything. They did not care for a name after death and therefore punishment never touched them. They took no heed of fame, being ahead or being behind, or the span of life."
The myriad creatures are different in life but the same in death. In life they may be worthy or stupid, honorable or humble. This is where they differ. In death they all stink, rot, disintegrate, and disappear. This is where they are the same. [...] The man of virtue and the sage die; the wicked and the stupid also die. In life they were Yao and Shun [sage-emperors]; in death they are rotten bones. In life they were Jie and Zhou [wicked kings]; in death they are rotten bones. Thus they all became rotten bones just the same. Who knows their difference? Let us enjoy our present life. Why should we worry about what comes after death?” (A Source Book in Chinese Philosophy, trans. Wing-tsit Chan)
It’s quite a long extract so I highlighted the most relevant parts that echo Wei Wuxian’s ideas and in particular his motto in life:
是非在己，毁誉由人，得失不论 。
Right and wrong are decided by oneself, praise and condemnation depend on others, gains and losses are insignificant. (ch.75)
This is for me the defining quote of the novel that encapsulates the overarching theme of the story. This sentence is so popular that it’s the go-to quote on Wei Wuxian-related merch and it also features on the cover of the book in simplified Chinese.
We find in the Yang Zhu chapter of the Liezi the same ‘carpe diem’ attitude, the nonchalance about death, the disregard of social conventions and the futility of reputation. Nevertheless, Yang Zhu does not exactly have a place with other Taoist thinkers as he promotes acting in self-interest, a form of ethical egotism that does not take heed of other people’s benefit. The translator from the extract above calls it ‘negative Taoism’. As we are well aware, Wei Wuxian has a much more benevolent and altruistic outlook:
我娘说过的，你要记着别人对你的好，不要去记你对别人的好。人心里不要装那么多东西，这样才会快活自在。
My mom said that you should remember the kindness you received from others and not the kindness you gave. That's the only way to find happiness and be free as the heart can only carry so much. (ch.113)
Wei Wuxian’s life philosophy is about remembering the good you've been granted and keep giving without expecting anything in return. If you let yourself to be fettered by bad memories, if you dwell on the past, negative feelings like anger and envy will take roots in your heart. It takes great courage and integrity to be able to move on from painful experiences without holding grudges and retain the ability to greet the future with a smile.
These themes remind me of the lyrics of the song Enlightenment (悟) from the film Shaolin,《新少林寺》, it’s a moving song that draws a lot from Buddhist influences:
为何君视而不见 规矩定方圆
Why do you look without seeing and let conventions decide the rules?
悟性 悟觉 悟空 心甘情愿
I open my heart, coming to my senses and awakening to emptiness
放下 颠倒梦想 放下云烟
Let go of your confused dreams, let go of the things fleeting like mist
放下 空欲色 放下悬念
Let go of idleness, desire, pleasure, let go of the trouble weighting your heart
多一物 却添了 太多危险
One thing more adds too much danger
少一物 贪嗔痴 会少一点
One thing less and vices will be alleviated [lit. ‘greed, aversion, delusion’, the Three Poisons in Buddhism]
唯有 心无挂碍 成就大愿
Only with a heart without worries can your wishes be accomplished
唯有 心无故 妙不可言
There is no greater marvel than an unburdened heart
This ended up to be such a long-winded and maybe inconclusive answer but to me, Taoism, Buddhism and Confucianism, have all deeply shaped Chinese customs, ideas and culture with sometimes no clear boundaries where one begins and the other ends. Wei Wuxian’s ideals, his free-spiritedness and his probity, are reflected in these different schools of thoughts and spiritual currents but there is not a single all-encompassing one that matches him to a tee. In the end, what perhaps defines him best is his name that befits his nature, Wei Ying, the guileless innocence of a child, someone who can cheerfully go through life with a clear conscience and an unburdened heart.
#mo dao zu shi#cultural notes#philosophy#wei wuxian#majesticshayshay#i'm unable to quote anything from buddhist scripture but this is very good song#一世随缘，随缘一世，才能活得自在#mdzs meta
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Random WandaVision Thoughts
Thoughts about WandaVision I cannot get out of my head, so here you go.
SPOILERS AHEAD. BLOOP. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.
1. Wanda and Vision are connected by the stone.
I went back and watched AOU and pretty much from the moment Vision is on screen, the connection between him and Wanda is obvious. Her reaction to him in particular struck me. She exhaled like she was drawn to him--to the stone. She also said she saw inside his mind before he was brought to life.
I believe they’re meant to be together, not only b/c of their chemistry together and compassion for one another, but also b/c of that mind stone. It gave him life and awakened her latent powers. It drew them to one another the moment they met. Vision himself even said in Civil War that he didn’t fully understand the stone, or how it works exactly; it’s a mystery to him. That stone is POWERFUL. It “speaks” to Vision, it “has a mind of it’s own”, it’s not a passive player, IMO.
...more after the kr...
2. Wanda can channel the powers of ALL of the stones in her chaos magic.
This I can’t claim credit for, but I believe it. I saw a theory on ScreenCrush (great YT channel for dummies like me to break things down) that Wanda can not only bend reality to her will, she can channel pretty much all the powers of the five stones. She demonstrates this in many ways -- bringing the butterflies and stork to life, rewinding the turkey until it turned into eggs, planting visions into Avengers heads, controlling the minds of the Sokovian citizens so they would evacuate the city in AOU, etc, etc, etc.
ScreenCrush theorizes that the stones are all connected, having sprung from the same fabric of the universe, their powers work alone but also together. Inside Wanda. If she concentrates, if she wills it, she can be just as powerful as Thanos was with that Infinity Gauntlet. So yeah, I believe she can trap a whole town under a spell and give Dr. Strange a run for his money across the multiverse, point blank periodt.
And if she can do that, could she not remake Vision? Pull his atoms back together, reform him, especially if she (somehow) got ahold of the copy Shuri made of his neural network? Why wouldn’t she bring Pietro back to life? I’m not sure...perhaps it could be that it’s simply too painful. Or perhaps she just doesn’t want to put her brother under a spell in a dream world. Vision is Vision, he can handle this, and she may not feel as bad resetting him when he gets too suspicious she might if she had to do that to her brother. I don’t know...time will tell, hopefully.
3. Wanda was an Avenger, training under Black Widow. She got rid of her accent intentionally.
I see people referencing her “suddenly disappearing” accent a lot. I think she (the character) did this on purpose. In the opening of Civil War, when her accent was first starting to fade, she was being taught to spy by Black Widow and Sam and the gang. It stands to reason that accents and speaking with what TV folks used to call a “non regional diction” or any accent she pleases would be part of that training.
Since this WandaVision is based on a sitcom reality, if you know how painstakingly they recreated these sitcom eras, plot tropes and all, then you’ll find that not only is Vision’s behavior based on the popular ‘TV Dads’ of each era (Dick Van Dyke, Mike Brady, Ricky Ricardo, etc) but Wanda was also mimicking the way TV wives speak and act during each era. Perfect 50s diction for Ep 1, slightly more relaxed like a Mary Tyler Moore in Ep 2, a bit more broad and (with a lot more physical comedy in her face, she’s so adorable) for the 70s.....the MCU didn’t forget about Wanda’s accent and Elizabeth Olsen isn’t being lazy.
Wanda deliberately got rid of her accent while she was a spy, and she slipped into it when she was thinking of her brother, her home, her childhood lullaby.
4. “Geraldine” a.k.a. Monica was casing Wanda’s house.
I noticed that from the moment Monica set foot inside, she covered a lot of ground. She found little ways to check that house out because she’s a trained agent and I think even though she was NAILING the part of the stereotypical 70′s black “foxy” nosy neighbor, she was 100% on a mission that whole time. She went in to get Wanda out, but the pregnancy obviously derailed that. I think she was waiting for an opportunity to gage when she could jog Wanda’s memory and probably also waiting to make sure Wanda would be at home alone before she stopped by.
She has “no home” in the town, Agnes said, but she is a SWORD trained agent, so she knew how to survive until she could make her move. Unfortunately, Wanda was not having it. She does not want to be saved. “Geraldine”/Monica also said during her crazy work story that she keeps her cool under pressure, which she did during that BONKERS delivery. She even gave Wanda the coaching she needed to get through it despite the house going all Poltergeist around her.
I only wish that when Wanda was questioning her, she would have been like “I’m Monica Rambeau, I’m here to rescue you.”
5. The townspeople have known all along about both Wanda and Vision’s powers, but they’re only terrified of Wanda.
Vision used his powers in front of people from day one. Helping Mr. Hart at dinner (notice how IMMEDIATELY after Vision saved him, they left in a hurry? They were terrified. They went there to act out a dinner, not for Mrs. Hart to watch her husband almost die without being able to break character to save him, and Mrs. Hart knew it was Wanda who could make it stop). Speed computing at the office. Obviously the magic show kinda sort doesn’t count but does b/c come on mirrors don’t work like that. Getting the doctor, etc. No, I think the townspeople know Wanda and Vision are Avengers, but there is nothing they can do about it because they are under a spell and they must carry out the FOR THE CHILDREN evil plot. I’ll bet word spread about Wanda choking Mr. Hard, so they def don’t want to piss off Wanda, nor bring the wrath of the nefarious entity controlling them all (most signs point to Mephisto).
6. Agnes’ witch costume reminds me that there are some tropes in media where evil witches are the wives of the devil (or sell their souls/enter a pact).
Obviously the Mephisto Comic story line sets this up, but I just love the way they executed it in the show, using the spouse that never appears on screen as a big fat clue.
Agnes may not be evil but she def wants Wanda to have children for her devil husband and she def does not want “Geraldine” disrupting that. Everyone else just seems straight up afraid of Wanda but Agnes knows who is really pulling the strings here. Agnes is terrified of the Big Bad, whereas the townsfolk fear Wanda b/c they know what she’s capable of. They may even believe Wanda is the one controlling them all--and she is--but Agnes knows who’s manipulating Wanda--Ralph, or Mephisto to us.
7. I get the strange impression that the sitcom credits start because Wanda is waking up for the day, and end because for her the day is over...
...and she’s done concentrating so hard on the sitcom spell. It’s sleep time for REAL-real. If she’s using magic to keep this stage play going constantly, then it stands to reason she will tire even though she’s pretending to live in sitcom world where time works totally differently. I believe the commercials are her dreams, sending her subconscious messages about her past traumas. I also believe dreams could be the way Mephisto called out to her--subconsciously drawing her to Westview.
Fun fact: TV way back in the day used to turn off at a certain time at night. 11pm or midnight, I can’t remember, but the networks STOPPED BROADCASTING at a certain time and there was no such things as 24-hour TV until like the late 80s.
There are waaaaaaaay more thoughts banging around in my head but this post is pretty long so until the next time I’m wide awake at 4am with the 70′s WandaVision theme song stuck in my head...
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Come Clean ~ Dylan x bi!reader
*homophobia is NOT tolerated here at all so piss off if you are thanks ☺️*
This is it.
Today is the day I finally come clean about who I am. Well not fully come clean I still have to tell my parents after this which I kid you not will be a shit show. Today is the day I come out to my boyfriend Dylan.
Now I can hear you guys confused thoughts through the screen. Yes I have a boyfriend. No I am not a lesbian. No I am not straight. Now for the grand reveal... I'm bisexual. I like boys and girls and I'm insanely proud of that. You probably wouldn't think that knowing I haven't told anyone for the first 24 years of my life but I can assure you I am. I've dated girls in the past and I've dated boys. Just because I'm not out to my family and friends doesn't make me ashamed of who I am and who I like.
And the reason that I'm so scared of telling people is because I don't want to lose them. Which I know is something one I can't control and two I should assume that I would lose them if I told them but I know for sure that telling my parents wouldn't end well because let's just say they are massive homophobic assholes and I know that because when I was a freshman in highschool my mom caught me kissing my best friend who is also a girl. My mom immediately kicked her out and called for my dad. She and him were screaming hestrically. Ranting and raving all sorts of bullshit. One being 'im never going to have grandkids. Oh my god I'm never going to be a grandma' but that doesn't beat the beautiful - note the sarcasm - words of my father 'I can't believe I've raised a dyke daughter oh what a disappointment she is'. So let's just say I had a traumatic childhood. As soon as they finished there screaming I just decided it was better to tell them that I was straight and she came onto me then the truth of that I had a massive crush on her. They soon got over that and we never spoke about.
But enough about my parents the real thing I wanted to say is that I'm terrified of losing Dylan. I don't know if Dylan is like my parents - god I hope not - or if he'll support me.
We've been together for almost 3 years and you know the story. Boy meets girl. Girl spills coffee all over him causing him to get severely burned and sent to the hospital prompting girl to be incredibly sorry but boy found her hot and asked her out. You know the usual stuff.
"Hey baby you okay?" Dylan asked snapping me out of the trance I had no clue I was in. I turned to him quickly and looked upon his concerned face. "U-uh fine j-just thinking" I mumbled adjusting my position in Dylan's arms. "Thinking bout what?" He said wearing his insanely adorable smile. "Umm nothing. No one. Nothing" I stumbled over my words causing Dylan to cock his eyebrow at me.
"You sure gorgeous?" I nodded but almost instantly stopped myself. "No actually I'm not okay" I said changing my mind and suddenly finding a rush of courage. "Okay baby what's wrong?" His hand ran through my hair gently combing out the knots in there.
"W-we need to talk" I hummed. Dylan immediately stopped what he was doing and pulled his hand away. His face contorted into a look of sadness and fear. He thinks I'm going to break up with him. "A-about what?" He stuttered clearly anxious to know what I was going to say. When I pulled out of his arms and positioned myself facing him his eyes started to build up small tears but he refused to let them fall.
"A-are you b-breaking up with m-me?" His voice cracked as he spoke and his tears fell freely. "Oh my god no Dylan I'm not breaking up with you." I assured him. "But you might after I tell you this." I whispered to myself sadly and his fearful look left his beautiful face and he whipped his tears away but his face soon turned into a look of concern and worry.
"What is it baby?" He said softly moving his hand to my cheek. "U-um well I need to tell you something." "You can tell me anything" Said the man.
"Uhh well let's see um how can I- Uh I don't know how to" I rambled but was cut off by Dylan's deep chuckle. "Spit it out baby" he teased stroking my check. "I LIKE GIRLS!" I bellowed. The words slipping away from my tongue without my consent. Dylan's hand left my cheek leaving behind a cold feeling and missing of his warmth.
"Y-you like girls?" He questioned more then stated and I nodded my head closing my eyes wanting this moment to be over. He cleared his throat causing my eyes to shoot open. "W-what about me?" Dylan's voice shook slightly his fear of me breaking up with him took control.
"Oh shit" I mumbled under my breath moving onto his lap and straddling him. "I like girls a-and guys Dyl" He furrowed his eyebrows at me inquisitively. "I-I'm bisexual. Bi. The big old bisex as no one calls it" He laughed at my stupidity and I felt myself untense. His laugh calmed by of the scale anxiety filled nerves and I let out a breath that I didn't even know I was holding.
"So what's the big deal baby? Why are you so nervous?" His hand gently rubbed my knee in a way to comfort me. "W-well I-I was kinda scared that maybe just maybe that you'd you know" I said attempting to draw away from the subject knowing he'd just get hurt by it.
"I'd what (y/n)?" "B-break up with me" I spoke shyly and I could see Dylan's face fall. His eyes were consumed by hurt and new formed tears found there way to his cheeks. "Y-you thought I'd break up with you because you're bisexual?" I nodded sadly looking away from him. "I'm sorry" I whispered feeling a pang of guilt in my gut.
"Hey baby there's nothing to be sorry for I-if anything I'm sorry" He reassured me moving closer towards me the process. "W-why would you be sorry?" I cried my head falling down to look at my shaky hands. "Because you're upset about this and that you'd think that my feelings towards you would change if you told me"
"you're feelings haven't changed?" I said a spark of hopefulness ignited inside of me. "No of course not (y/n) I do and always will love you till the day I die. I love every part of you. I love you voice. Your laugh. Your beautiful (y/e/c). Your lips. Your sexy little butt." He joked while moving his hands to my butt squeezing lightly causing me to giggle like a school girl. "I love everything including the fact you like girls. You're sexuality doesn't change anything and I'll love you no matter what." He added igniting a huge undying smile onto my face ignoring the tears that were plastered over my red raw cheeks.
"You mean that?" I asked just wanting to make sure. "More than anything. I've loved you since the first day I met you." "But the first day I met you I put you in the hospital." Dylan laughed while taking my cheeks into his hands lovingly.
"Yes you did but I still knew that one day I'm going to marry you." I was taken aback from his confession. We'd never spoken about marriage or anything a long those lines so him saying this now is quite the shocker.
"But at las that is for another day my love. I love you (y/n). I love you forever." Dylan mummered against my lips before kissing them lightly. "I love you forever and more" you confessed causing Dylan to grin into your passionate kiss.
He loves me no matter what. I thought to myself happily. And I love him too.
#dylan obrien imagine#dylan obrien x y/n#dylan obrien x reader#dylan obrien angst#dylan obrien x bi!reader#bisexual#bi!reader#lgbtq#imagine#coming out#y/n#x reader
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