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#i'm visiting family for the past few days which is why I haven't been on (still visiting for the next two days)

filmbyjy · 2 months

Note

husband ff Jake??

OUR LOVE

a/n: ahhh i’m trying to finish past requests and i’m sorry this took too long 😭 i didn't want to write a too long of a story so this is just a small one. it is also crack bc i was not in my right state of mind to focus 😭

WARNING: mentions of pregnancy, talking about sex and stuff. no smut bc i can't write it anyways.

“come on noona! it will be fun! travelling around the world with us and of course jake hyung.” sunoo excitedly exclaims.

you could see the excitement that the other boys had. especially, the boy who had his hands placed on your thighs. “please, baby? take it like another honeymoon until we actually have time for one.” jake pouts.

“oh, yeah. we could walk around and show noona some of the places we’ve been too!” jungwon says.

“I don’t know guys…I feel like I would be intruding. after all, I’m not part of enhypen.”

“but you are part of ‘our family’. besides, you and jake hyung are married!” ni-ki says.

you looked at the other boys for reassurance and they seemed okay with it but you still felt bad. they’d have to get an extra ticket if you came along with them and ENGENEs probably didn’t want to see you in their content.

ever since you and jake got married, there had been quite a lot of death threats sent to you. it was so bad to the point that enhypen’s legal team had to step in on behalf of you. despite having a legal team to help you with any threats, it still didn’t stop. you couldn’t even really leave the house without being recognised in the streets and some ‘engene’ yelling at you for stealing their idol from them.

it definitely didn’t help now that you’re pregnant. which was a surprise for jake (and the boys). this is also why you wanted to stay in Seoul. you couldn’t travel around, not when you’re at your early stages of pregnancy. actually, the obstetrician had already explain to you that you could travel around but you didn't want to take the risk.

“I don’t know, boys…” you say. ni-ki pouts. jake grabs your hand and squeezes.

“something wrong, baby? you usually don’t hesitate on hanging out with us. in fact, don’t you love travelling with us?” jake asks in the softest tone possible.

“I’m fine. I just feel scared…what if the ENGENEs find me annoying? I mean, I always somehow appear in your content and like they are forced to see my face. you know some of them don’t even like me.”

“well, first off. those aren't ENGENEs." jungwon says. "no ENGENE would hate on someone who is close to us or is family to us. besides, even if they are 'ENGENEs', they need to learn that jake hyung is happily married to you."

jake hums at jungwon's words. "you're my wife and they should respect that. i still show as much love to ENGENEs despite being married to you." jake tilts his head. "so, baby. you don't have to worry about a thing. i'll protect you and put you first over ENGENEs if they talk bad about you."

"thanks, babe."

"so why can't you travel with us? there must be another reason right?"

you sighed, "i'll tell you and the boys in a few days. don't worry, it's a really good explanation. i promise i'm not lying or trying to avoid it. i just haven't done something."

"now that's just making me more worried, princess." jake pouts.

"it's nothing bad, i promise. give me like 3 days."

"okay, fine. hmm, but in 3 days we'll be at practice the whole day."

"i know, i'll swing by your break as per usual."

the other boys were just as confused as jake but they just kept quiet.

3 days later

you had gone to HYBE to visit the boys like you usually did. you had brought some food, snacks and box with a balloon tied to it. a little extra thing for jake since you were going to reveal to him about your pregnancy. you had placed the food at the pantry so they could eat there.

you had knocked on their practice room door and popped your head in after you heard a 'come in'.

"i brought some food and snacks! come out before the food becomes cold."

the boys wiped their sweat and went out of the practice room. the coffee table was filled with food and snacks. their jaws dropped.

"did you plan this with the staff or something?"

"a little. it's a little reward for working hard for your tour." you say. jake goes over to peck your lips.

"baby, this is amazing! i married and dated the right woman!" jake exclaims. you laughed.

"what's that?" ni-ki points out the box with a balloon tied to it.

"dessert, eat the food first. it's going to be cold."

and so the boys dig into the food. with schedules being packed and having practices for the whole day lately, they were unable to eat such good food. they were thankful you were there to look after them and feed them well like a mom.

"okay, we're done with the food. i want to open the cake!" ni-ki pouts.

"mmm, how about we have jake open the cake and also cut it in the honour of the start of fate tour!" you say. the boys and jake didn't think much of it so they allowed jake to open and cut the cake.

when jake opens the cake box, he was met with the words "i'm going to be a dad!" and the ultrasound picture stuck to the roof of the box. his jaw drops as he slowly looks up at you. the boys looked over his shoulder as they noticed jake's shocked expression. their jaws dropped quickly after processing the words written on the cake.

"surprise." you shyly say.

"you're- holy shit." jake stands up and hugs you tightly. "i'm going to be a dad!!"

"wait wait. this is a lot to process." jay says. "you two have been fucking while we're all at the dorms..."

"no, that's not the main thing. they didn't use a condom! oh my god, you two are freaky!" sunghoon's face scrunches in disgust.

"we don't do it all the time! it was one time and that was to celebrate the day i proposed to her. i booked a hotel for me and (name) because i respected you guys."

"jake's little swimmers are working hard. just do it once and she gets pregnant?" heeseung says.

"why do you have to say it in the most graphic way in front of the younger ones." you hid your face on jake's chest, clearly embarrassed. not a single words were coming out of the younger members' mouths.

"okay, but can we eat the cake..." ni-ki voices out.

"yes, we can." jake says.

and so after the shock, everyone goes to enjoy the cake that you had brought. they cheered for jake and happily congratulated him. since they were going on tour, jake promised to always call and check up on you whenever he could.

and just before he left, both you and him announced to both of your parents that you were expecting. they all had thrilled faces when they realised that they would be grandparents. throughout the whole tour period, you had stayed with your parents as an advise from jake so that in case something happened, your mom would be around.

you were glad to have someone as caring as jake and you couldn't have asked for a better husband than him.

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anamoon63 · 11 days

Text

Hi guys, I am writing this in case anyone wonders why I have been kind of MIA lately. No, I haven't forgotten you, but I have had a difficult week, more than a difficult week, I have been through a real ordeal. Where or how it started it's a long story which I don't have the time or the energy to tell, so I'll just share a brief chronology of what happened during this past week.

Friday May 3 - I turned in my finished work and set out to do my sims posts, play and rest for the weekend since more work would be coming my way on Monday.

Saturday May 4 - My husband came down with the flu, I spent most of the day with him in the emergency room.

Sunday May 5 - I spent it taking care of my husband, who fortunately no longer had a fever. I barely slept two hours at night giving care and medication.

Monday 6 May - My birthday, we couldn't go out for dinner as usual, so we celebrated at home.

Tuesday, May 7 - My son comes down with the flu, too, another afternoon in the ER and sleepless night caring for him and bringing down his fever.

Wednesday, May 8 - My son starts to feel better, and begins to recover very quickly. I start working on the following translations, at the same time I take care of both my husband and my sick son, do food, laundry, order home medicines, and all kinds of small chores, including disinfecting things. It's like going back to 2020.

Thursday, May 9 - My husband no longer has a fever but does have a cough that won't go away and minor problems with his asthma.

Friday, May 10 - Mother's Day, my son was feeling fine, my husband still had a cough, and had a doctor's appointment at noon, when he returned, we celebrated at home just like on my birthday, I spent the rest of the day working, and juggling a thousand other things. In the evening my daughter started to feel sick, but still no fever.

Saturday, May 11 (yesterday) - My daughter woke up with a fever, another visit to the ER. She was prescribed flu medicine, painkillers and rest, and sent home.

And that's my odyssey so far. On top of it all, from Wednesday through Saturday we were in the middle of a heat wave with temperatures of 37ºC with real feel of up to 45ºC; at night we get a "cooler" temperature of 29ºC. So imagine a person with a fever of 38 ºC and with this heat, obviously it's not of much help.

Surprisingly, I haven't gotten sick so far, but I'm not claiming victory. I have been taking care of my family for a week, sleeping two or three hours a night, getting up at different times to check on them, or give them medicine. I don't have time for getting sick! Lol. Thankfully, everyone is better and last night for the first time in a week I was able to sleep straight through. Honestly, I don't need many hours of sleep, but I am routinely and usually I am in bed a 11 pm and up at 8 am every day, so all this did upset my sleep cycle a little bit.

Anyway, that is the reason why I wasn't here much, since the whole day I was too busy, and at night I was so tired all I wanted was to go to bed. I apologize if I've fallen behind on your updates, I'm not ignoring you in any way, I just didn't have the strength or the time, not even to play The Sims. If I did, it was just a little free play to distract myself.

Last week I told you that I was juggling a lot of things, well now I have even more things, lol, at times I feel really exhausted, and even a little cranky from lack of sleep, the first few days my feet and legs hurt so much from going back and forth, but I'm fine, healthy, and in good spirits. Today I believe, as never before, that the universe does not send you more than you can handle.

At this point my family is already in recovery, if I don't get sick too, it's likely by I'll be able to get back to my simming routine. Now, if I do get sick, I hope to recover as quickly as the others. Whatever happens, I'll be around. Know that, even if I don't comment, I read you, and I am with you, especially with those who are going through difficult times of any kind.

Ok, I said to myself this was going to be a short post, but I made a wall of text instead (for a change). My apologies if it's written in a sloppy or confusing way, I just wanted to write it quickly to let you know where I have been and what has been going on with me these days. I hope you are all well, please take care of yourselves, health is a treasure that can be lost at any moment, the flu is a nasty disease, we must never let our guard down and forget to take the necessary measures to prevent it.

Last, but not least, I want to thank all of you who have mentioned me, tagged me, sent me asks and/or stars to my inbox, commented and/or liked what few posts I could do these days, I appreciate it very much and I'll try to reply to you as soon as I can, though I've fallen so far behind that I don't know if I'll be able to find your mentions in my notifications. In any case, thank you very, very much to all of you for thinking about me in my absence. 💗 I'll see you soon, hopefully, with more sim adventures, stay tuned!

#personal stuff #text post #life update #non sims #delete later

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howlingday · 6 months

Note

Oh I got a fun idea in honor of Bayonetta 3 being released let's get a Aunt Bayo au:

It was combat class teams RWBY and JNPR were waiting for the next match. Most of teams have fought and only Jaune remained as he was being called he wait in the center of the arena. Being a little nervous as someone wasn't called to fight him only for him to hear a slight chuckle and gun shots hitting near his feet.

???: OH Lobo my adorable nephew it's seems you been a naughty puppy making your mommy worried sick for you.

A few more shots came out as his shield and sword were shot off him and off the arena. As the shots keep coming it makes Jaune dodge and unintentionally showing dance moves just not trying to get hit. Another laugh is heard as the sound of heels come from the other side of the arena as a very tall woman with black hair comes out

Jaune: Damnit Aunt Cereza I thought I told you I'm not a do--(was interrupted as another shot hits near his feet making him trip)

"Ah, ah, ah~!" The unknown woman warned with a wag of her finger at the huntsman in training. "Pups should know better than to bark at their betters~."

Jaune Arc grumbled under his breath. "More like a bi-" A gunshot echoed as a bullet landed between his legs, dangerously close to his groin.

"Better." She adjusted her glasses. "Your aunt decides to visit you on her day off, and this is how you treat her?"

"Day off?" Jaune got to his feet and furrowed his brow. "I didn't even know you had a job. What is it?"

"I'm a witch~."

Jaune blinked at this information. "But witches aren't real." He glanced over to Professor Glynda Goodwitch, who had remained silent as she watched the family reunion. "Uh, are they?"

"Why are you looking at me, Mr. Arc?" With a gulp, he looked back to his aunt. Professor Goodwitch would remember this.

"Witches are very real, Lobo," she sauntered past him, "and I'm here because I wanted to see if you're ready to perform."

"Perform what?"

"Perform for your auntie, of course." She smirked, looking over her shoulder. "I want you to show me how much you've grown." She pointed a finger at his opponent, Cardin Winchester, a young man twice Jaune's size. "You have been practicing, haven't you?"

"I've, uh, been training." Jaune replied, unsure what practicing she was referring to. He reached for Crocea Mors, only of them to be sent spiraling out of the arena by gunshot. He yelped.

"Now, now," Jaune turned to find his Aunt Cereza gone, then turned again to find her standing off to the side, posted right in front of his weapons, "you'll get your chew toys back when you do your tricks."

He looked again to Professor Goodwitch. She adjusted her glasses and sighed. "You may begin when both members are ready. Are you ready, Mr. Winchester?"

"Ready." He said, not without his signature sadist smirk. Or, well, signature in Jaune's eyes.

"Mr. Arc, are you-"

"He is, Glinny." Professor Goodwitch flared her nostrils. A couple students giggled behind her, which were silenced as she glared at them.

"Both combatants are ready." Jaune raised a finger. "Begin!"

Cardin charged forward like an Ursa. With a leap, he raised his weapon, the aptly named Executioner, high into the air, then tugged forward to slam it down onto Jaune's head. Jaune stood there, eyes wide with fear. A thunderous crash echoed throughout the entire auditorium, a common event in the Arc/Winchester bouts.

Uncommon, however, was Jaune standing behind Cardin, completely unharmed.

"Huh?" Jaune looked around his body. Off to the side, Bayonetta smiled. "What just happened?"

"You got lucky!" Carding roared as he swung wildly behind him. Jaune bent backwards, landing on his hands, then springboarded further in retreat, creating a huge gap between the combatants. "What the hell?"

"That's what I'm saying!" Jaune agreed. After slapping his face a couple times, Cardin barreled forward once more. Jaune bent, swayed, and jumped out of harm's way with acrobatic ease.

Slowly, memories flashed in his mind. Cereza taking him to dance lessons, showing him the different motions. When some thugs attempted to mug them, she quickly dispatched them while showing off her dance moves. Jaune thought he dreamed that night, as she disappeared the next morning.

"Enough!" Professor Goodwitch called. "The match is over!"

Cardin wanted to argue, but he was too exhausted to even lift a finger. Looking to the board, Jaune saw Cardin's aura had dipped into the red. His, however, hadn't even reach yellow yet. He blinked a couple times, trying to be sure this wasn't a dream.

"What... just happened?"

Off to the side, Bayonetta continued to smile. He was ready.

#rwby #bayonetta #jaune arc #cardin winchester #glynda goodwitch #rwby au #cereza

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stardustdreams-andcaffeine · 2 years

Text

Prey | Bucky Barnes

bucky barnes x oc ✧ oneshot

Summary: OC and her brother are being hunted by the Winter Soldier to atone for the sins of their father. For reasons the Winter Soldier cannot explain, he finds himself helping this girl escape the very people he works for.

A/N: This is one of my favs, hope you all love it like I do! I always gravitate towards oc's but I've got some reader inserts to post as well. I have like 60 one shots already written so I'll be systematically editing and uploading them here, pls enjoy friends! Also, if you have literally ANY requests, ask it up! I love being of service 🤍

Warnings: oc, severe angst, violence, suspense, winter soldier bucky, mention of past abuse, protective bucky, fluff at the end

Word Count: 13,191

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦

He's been hunting us for days now.

I don't know why. I don't even know who he is. It all happened so fast, one minute I was sitting in my apartment with my closest and really only friend, the next I was getting a frantic call from my little brother saying a man had shot up the family house.

A man with a metal arm.

My little brother, Cody, has been living with my dad alone ever since I moved out. He's nearly 18 and fully plans to leave the moment he can. I tried to persuade a few social workers to let me become his legal guardian to get him away from that sorry excuse for a father, but my attempts were in vain. Even though I'm older than Cody, old enough to be considered responsible for his care, my father stood in the way. However awful our dad may be, he's a high-ranking government official and has power. There was no way he was going to let his daughter take his son away from him.

In a way, I think he's lonely.

Our mother passed a few years after I moved out to begin my adult life. If she had died before and my father had begun acting the way he did while I was still at home, I never would've left Cody there alone. I did visit rather frequently, trying to deflect any scorn or more...physical reprimands onto myself as much as I could. Our star of a father just happened to be away on government official business when I got the call.

Now here we are, huddled together on the same bed of a grimy motel, my brother restlessly asleep with his head in my lap while I keep watch. He begs me every night to wake him up halfway through so he can take watch.

Every night I ignore him and let him sleep.

I haven't slept in two days, both of which we've had to constantly relocate and run away from the man with the metal arm. He always manages to find us, no matter how careful we are. Somehow, by a miracle, he hasn't managed to kill us yet. In fact, he has yet to get close enough to get a good enough look at us.

The untraceable pay phone in my trembling, exhausted hand rings, the sound repetitive and hopeless.

"Come on" I whisper, biting my lip furiously, "Pick up"

Once again, for what must be the thirtieth time, my father doesn't answer my call. When I hear the phone tell me to leave a message, I decide that after this one I will call and leave no more. By now, I'm almost convinced that he's in on this whole thing.

"Dad, it's your daughter, Caroline Bane. Remember me?" I begin, trying desperately, and failing miserably, to keep the anger out of my usually quiet and anger-less voice.

"Oh and your son Cody Bane is here too. If it wouldn't trouble you too much, maybe you'd like to pick up your phone and realize that your children are being hunted," I spit out, keeping my voice low to not wake up my brother, "I know you never really cared for us, but mom did. I wonder, what would she think of you if she could see you now? Blowing off our calls and leaving us to die?"

I pause, trying to keep the tears that water in my hazel eyes at bay. I bite my lip hard to keep from crying, I refuse to let this man hear me cry.

"I don't know what's happening, I don't know what we did or what you did but for once in your life can you be a man and own up to it instead of letting your kids take the fall?" I grit out, a tear managing to slip down my cheek despite my best efforts to keep it in, "Randall Bane, you are a coward. You never have been and never will be my father."

I end the call, a few more tears slipping down my heated cheeks. Never in my life have I spoken with such venom to any single person, but I know, I just know, that my dad's involved in this. All of my pent up disappointment and anger towards him and the way he's beat on both me and my little brother just spilled out. I wouldn't care if he only beat on me, if he only hit me and yelled at me I could take it. I'd be able to push through it.

But no one, not even my father, has the right to hit my little brother.

My brother stirs lightly on my lap.

"Carrie? Everything alright?" Cody mumbles, his groggy voice heavy with sleep. I nod and smooth back his hair that's the same rich brown as mine.

"Everything's just fine," I whisper soothingly, trying to keep the emotion from my voice, "Sleep, Cody"

In a few seconds, he's fallen back asleep peacefully. When he does, I feel a tear slip down my cheek. He's only a kid, he shouldn't have to deal with any of this at such a young age. In the time since our mom passed, I've been less a sister and more a mother to Cody. I was always there to smile and laugh with him, to joke around and play video games with him. I made sure he did his homework and didn't get into too much trouble. When he'd have break downs, I'd be there. When his heart got broken, I was there. When our dad tried to hit him, I stood in the way.

I'd do anything to protect my brother.

I smile softly down at his sleeping form and carefully slide his head off of my lap and onto the pillow near him. Then, I carefully climb off of the bed and stand, stretching out my aching muscles slightly. I let out a long sigh and walk towards the window nearby, cautiously moving the curtain the slightest bit to look out.

I'm not used to constantly living in fear. I don't like it, not one bit. Neither Cody nor I know how to use a gun or even a knife properly. Obviously, we can give it our best shot but up until now it's been pure luck that we've stayed alive. We've managed to drive away or hide before the man with the metal arm could find us. If he had managed to get any closer, we surely would've been dead. We tried calling the police, but the officers who came were dead within minutes. Now, I have no clue what to do. I don't know how much longer we can run and hide. I don't know how much longer my luck will last.

I'm just about to step away from the window and close the curtains when something catches my eye. A large, black SUV swerves into the parking lot silently and only a single man steps out. Once I see a flash of metal, I jump away from the curtains with my heart in my throat. My pulse begins to race and adrenaline immediately floods every fiber of my being. Intense fear strikes to the very depths of me as I scramble to figure out the best escape plan.

First, I have to wake up Cody.

I sprint over to the bed and clamp a hand over my brother's mouth to keep him from making a noise. Then, I shake him awake. He starts with a gasp, his hazel eyes matching mine flying open in a panic. When he turns to me, he relaxes only slightly. I put a finger to my lips, to which he nods. When I remove my hand, I speak hurriedly and in whispers.

"He's here, we have to go" I rush out, scrambling around the room and grabbing our already packed backpacks. As he jumps out of bed and does the same, a few gunshots can be heard in the distance. We both freeze, looking at each other with wide eyes.

No doubt he got our room number out of the man at the front desk, who is no doubt dead now. I don't have time to dwell on the immense flood of guilt and terror that inundates me, but rather begin to shove my brother towards the bathroom and hand him both of our bags.

"There's a small window in there, get it open and get out" I command, looking up at the window just large enough to fit a body through. Cody begins to do as I say, but pauses to look over at me as I look around for any sort of makeshift weapon I can find.

"What are you doing? Aren't you coming?" my brother asks, his wide eyes locked on me. I snap my gaze up to him, sympathy pouring through me at his fright.

"I'm gonna buy you as much time as I can, now go." I order, finally managing to pry off a bar from the wall and moving out of the bathroom.

"Caroline wait, please!" Cody calls to me, emotion thick in his tone. I spare him one last glance as he works on the window.

"Don't wait for me, get in the car and find a safe place. Please, Cody. Please just listen to me" I beg and before he can protest, I slam the door shut. Just as I do, I hear footsteps outside our motel door.

My stomach lurches at the sound and I sprint towards the door, my mind racing for a solution. I stand right beside it, the heavy metal bar trembling in my hands. When the man with the metal arm opens the door, I plan on hitting him as hard as I can with the bar. Hopefully, by the time he gets past me and to the bathroom, Cody will be gone.

Even if it takes my life, my little brother will get out of this.

A crash sounds from the bathroom, signaling Cody has broken the window. My relief is short-lived when only a second later, the door to the motel room bursts open. Fear grips my heart but I don't freeze. When the man with metal arm walks into the room, his eyes survey the empty area in the belly of the room as the door shuts behind him. Holding my breath, I move from my blind spot by the door and swing the metal bar as hard as I can at his head. It slams into his skull, but not as hard as I'd like. I'm nowhere near strong enough to knock a man as big as him unconscious.

The man is sent off of his balance, lowering his gun slightly as he recoils from the hit. I take the advantage and move to hit him again, but just as I'm swinging, he whirls around and catches the bar mid air with his metal hand. I freeze, my eyes wide with fear as the bar bends in his metal grasp. His eyes lock onto mine for a moment and I realize that it's the first time I've been this close to the man with the metal arm.

His eyes are blue, a bright, intoxicating blue I've never seen. The kind of blue that makes me stall for a moment.

From what I can see, he doesn't seem near as old as I thought he'd be. It perplexes me that someone so young could be so incredibly lethal. His long, dark hair hangs dangerously around his face, covering up what little the mask that goes up to his nose doesn't. Within a moment, my examination of him is over as he rips the bar from my hands and throws it aside. Then, just as he's about to shoot me, a small curse of pain comes from the bathroom.

My world stops.

Cody must've been cut by some glass on his way out, and I feel the walls begin to close around me. The man looks over towards the bathroom and back to me slowly. I begin to shake my head.

"No, no! Please!" I beg, but he crashes the butt of his gun against my cheek and sends me sprawling to the floor.

I groan in pain and look up to see the man with the metal arm stalking toward the bathroom. My heart lurches and I find the strength to force myself to my feet. I sprint over, the world swerving only slightly as I do. Just before he reaches out to open the door, I shove myself in between the man and the thin wood hiding my brother. I brace my arms on the doorway, making myself a sort of blockade.

"Leave him alone, please!" I shout, my hair hanging wildly and some parts falling into my eyes, "He's just a kid, he's a kid."

This seems to make the man with the blue eyes pause, but only for a moment. He begins to reach out to throw me aside to get to my brother before he makes it out of the window, so with a racing heart I blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind.

"If you have to kill us kill me! Please kill me, not him!" I shout, beseeching the assassin.

The man freezes, his eyes widening slightly. He wasn't expecting that.

"He's a kid, please! Kill me, not him. Kill me." I repeat, the words loaded with desperation. I can only hope and pray that Cody is at the car about to make it away before anyone else who might be in the van sees him.

As my desperate eyes stay locked onto the man's bright blue ones, I furrow my brows as I catch the slightest bit of hesitation. Who is he?

In the silence of his conflicted, shocked eyes burning into mine, I hear the revving of a car engine and tires screeching as a car drives away. Relief like I've never felt it pours through me, flooding every fiber of my being. The car is enough to bring the man back to his senses, and he throws me aside before shoving his way into the bathroom. I hit the wall and quickly rebound, looking into the bathroom over my hunter's massive body and smiling when I find it empty.

He's safe.

Outside I hear car doors open and about a dozen more feet pounding up. My heart drops as I realize that he's not alone. Thankfully, the guards, at least that's what I'm assuming they are, didn't follow Cody but now they're outside the room. The man, now beyond furious, walks over to me and grabs me by the throat, slamming me so hard into the wall that my bones creak. I gasp, fear spiking through me as his raging blue eyes lock angrily onto me. I know the spot where his metal hand grasps will bruise.

"Where is he going?" He growls.

Surprise curls through me, I've never heard him talk before. The sound is dark and gravelly and sends shivers down my spine that I don't understand. Or maybe that I don't want to understand.

"I don't know" I answer truthfully, my voice rasping from the lack of breath because of his grip on my throat. He pulls me away and slams me into the wall again, making me cry out in pain this time. Outside, I hear the clicking of more guns, and I know that if a miracle doesn't happen, I'm going to die.

Better me than Cody, though.

When I look back into the eyes of the metal-armed man before me, I remember the conflicted gaze from before, the way he froze. He's human, somewhere beneath the assassin's mask. I just know it. Deep in his eyes, in a way I can't explain, I see pain and brokenness and a humanity long shoved away. I know it's my best chance.

"Please, I don't know who you are but you obviously know me. I didn't do anything wrong, I know you know that," I plead, my voice barely above a whisper as his vice-like grip on my throat only tightens, "Please help me, please"

Again, there's that same hesitation that gives me hope. His metal grip loosens ever so slightly.

"Why'd you do it?" He grits out, surprising me.

"I'm sorry?" I ask, confused as to what he's asking.

Outside, one guard pipes up.

"Asset, is it secure?"

My eyes widen and I feel my fear spike yet again. Asset? Does this man not have a name?

"Why'd you try and sacrifice yourself for the boy?" He grits out, his hand on my throat now barely squeezing.

"He's my brother," I say simply, my wide eyes locked onto his, "I'd do anything to protect him."

"We're coming in" another voice calls out. I look towards the door and back to my assassin.

"Please help me." I whisper one last time, my voice broken and charged with emotion.

I don't know why he does it or why I'm so incredibly surprised when he does, but he suddenly pulls away from me and shoves me behind him. I stumble, not knowing what he's about to do.

"Hold on and stay behind me" He commands, making hope spark in my chest. I do as I'm told and cower behind the large, muscular man.

Then the door slams open and the bullets begin to fly.

I hear the ricocheting of bullets against metal and hear my assassin fire only twelve shots. Each must find their target because silence rests over the room. I step out from behind him to see twelve guards dead on the floor. My stomach lurches, nausea overtaking me as my wide, fearful eyes take in the carnage.

"Don't make me regret this," he lowly warns, grabbing my arm and tugging me out of the room, "We have to move."

He drags me out into the black of night, the only light coming from a lamppost or two and the sliver of a moon above us. I'm in shock as the man who's been hunting me for the past few days drags me along to a random car, saving my life. My eyes inadvertently go to where my car used to sit and I can't help but smile at the empty spot. I turn back around and see the man with the metal arm breaking into a car and hot-wiring it. My eyes widen.

"What are you doing?" I ask, surprise curling through my voice. He looks up at me sharply and I close my mouth, knowing it's better to not fight with him. After all, he can kill me at any moment. When the car revs to life, I hop in the passenger seat as he gets into the driver's seat and drives away while I'm still putting my seatbelt on.

For the first few moments, there's nothing but the humming of the engine and my own breathing. With his mask still on, I can't even hear his own breath. Finally, as I steal a glance at the side of his face, I make my terrified tongue move.

"Where are we going?" I ask, my voice shaking. I can't help it, though. This man did try and murder my brother and I repeatedly.

He doesn't even look over at me. The metal of his arm gleams dangerously and keeps me on high alert. All he has to do is pull a gun out and point it in my direction. Although this was most definitely not the smartest choice, it was my only choice.

"Somewhere safe" he responds simply, his voice gravelly and low. I bite my lip in nervousness and look forward. Another heavy silence settles over the car and after what must be fifteen minutes of quiet driving, I can't help but ask the burning question in my mind.

"Why are you helping me?" I ask softly, looking over at the man.

This time, he does look over at me, however briefly. His eyes meet mine and I can see a sort of war in them, as if there's two versions of himself he's fighting between. The black mask is still set on the lower half of his face so I can't truly gauge his emotions. He looks back forward, his grip tightening on the wheel.

"I don't know."

I have yet to receive one straight forward answer from the man beside me, so I ask him the one question I feel like he could answer.

"I'm Caroline by the way, but I'm pretty sure you know that," I begin, trying to hide the panic in my voice, "What's your name?"

This time, I see more emotion flicker across his eyes that stay locked onto the road. This time, when he answers, I know it's as straight forward of an answer as he can possibly give me.

"I don't know," he almost whispers, his voice sending those same shivers down my spine.

Sympathy curls in my chest for the man and I can't help but wonder what he's been through. For the first time in two days, for the first time since I ran from the man with the metal arm, I feel this insane curiosity to figure him out. What scares me more is that with him on my side, even though he could easily kill me in a multitude of ways,

I've never felt safer.

|||

We drive for around six hours before the assassin finally pulls up outside an abandoned warehouse. I should've slept, but I was too terrified to let my eyes slip closed, afraid that I'd wake in containment or not wake at all.

"We should be safe here, but not for long. Just long enough to figure things out," he informs, the most he's spoken yet.

I nod and get out of the car as he does, my entire body still on alert. I walk side by side with the man and bask in the intense heat coming off of his body. In the brisk temperatures outside, I can't help but feel grateful for it. When we step inside, the warehouse is dark and dingy with an odd smell and consistent dripping noise. Still, I'm not the slightest bit picky.

It's safe, and that's enough for me.

We walk into a separate room in the center where a few old, rat-eaten blankets sit and a makeshift fireplace rests in the corner. I go inside, not entirely sure what to do. The man walks in after me and, much to my surprise, pulls off his mask. I guess I should've put together that he'd have to take it off eventually, but it still sends shock curling through me to see him set the black mask down. He bends down to the fireplace, his back to me.

"Grab some of the wood in the corner, we need some heat if we're not going to freeze" the man orders. I don't argue, still wholly terrified of him and the things I have witnessed first hand that he can do. I walk over and grab the wood and bring it to where the man crouches. I set it down and stand somewhere beside his crouched form, not right next to him but close enough so I'll be near the fire when he gets it going.

As I watch him build the fire, my mind goes back to what the guards called him. Asset, as if he didn't even deserve a name. As if he were an object. If this is all because of my dad, which I'm certain it is, then I can't imagine how he came to tangle himself with people like my hunters. The fire sparks to life after a few minutes and the man stands, satisfied at the flames. When he turns to me, I get my first look at the man's entire face. Shock courses through me as I take in the sharp, stubbled jaw and his angular face framed by his long dark hair.

He's hands down the most stunning man I've ever laid my eyes on.

I don't have much time to dwell on his sheer gorgeousness, though, because I see something deeply familiar. I furrow my brows, looking deeper into his face. He looks at me in confusion, not knowing what I'm doing. I know who this is, I've seen his face before. Then, like a load of bricks, it slams into me. Sergeant Barnes.

Bucky Barnes.

I saw his monument in the museum on a field trip way back in high school. The Bucky Barnes, Captain America's best friend. He's supposed to be dead. Stranger things have happened in the past few years, though. My hazel eyes widen and my lips part slightly in shock.

"You're Bucky Barnes" I breathe out.

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I watch his eyes widen slightly and something spark deep inside of them. It's almost as if he knows that name but it's just outside of his reach. This makes my intrigue spike. What's happened to Bucky in the past decades to make him into a cold killing machine who doesn't even know his own identity.

"What did you just call me?" He asks, his voice angry but also hinted with confusion. With the way his haunted, darkening eyes sear into me, I lose some of my confidence.

"Y-you're James Buchanan Barnes. Captain America was your best friend back in the-" my words are cut off when his metal hand grabs my shoulder and shoves me into the wall behind me.

My panic spikes painfully as he clenches his jaw and glares deep into my eyes. I can feel anger radiating off of him, but I can tell it's not directed at me. In his eyes I can see that the name sparked recognition and I think it bothers him that he can't figure it out. Still, I can't keep the fear from my face.

"I don't know who the hell that is" he growls. I nod hurriedly, trying desperately to not die after making it so far.

His broken blue eyes burn into mine, clearly seeing my terror, and I watch a part of them soften. Immediately he rips his hand away from me and steps back, running a hand through his hair. A tortured look melts onto his face and he lets out a deep breath, not even able to look over at me. Carefully, I step away from the wall, my intrigued eyes on Bucky.

Whatever happened to him messed up his mind. I can't help but feel like someone did this intentionally, that someone is manipulating his mind. The Bucky Barnes the museum described was flirtatious and light-hearted and heroic. The man before me is quiet, murderous, and broken. I can't help the sympathy that floods into me again. My head tells me to get away from him, but the way he practically stumbled away from me when he realized he was scaring me convinces me, against my better judgement, to go with my gut.

To stay.

After all, he might be the person who can kill me easiest, but he's also the person that can protect me best from people who want me dead for reasons I don't understand.

"I'm sorry," I softly say, making him snap his wide-eyed gaze up to me.

"Why are you sorry?" He asks, making me squirm under his intense gaze. I shrug, playing with the ends of my hair.

"Someone should say it to you," I respond, making something in his eyes change.

Not able to hold his intense gaze anymore, I look down to the fire. All at once, I feel the exhaustion from the past few days rush over me. My adrenaline is gone and I feel like my body is made of lead.

"We should check the perimeter" Bucky announces and I nod, looking up to find him checking a handgun and settling it in a holster, "You can take the south and I'll take the north"

I force my legs to move, but find the world swimming around me. The sleep deprivation is tearing me apart, but I can't let it show.

"Okay" I manage out, able to take a few steps before my tired legs give out and my exhaustion takes over.

Before I can hit the floor, I feel a pair of strong arms catch me, one flesh and one metal. Bucky helps straighten me up and I force my half-closed eyes to open. It takes all of my energy to do so as my mind tries to force me into a state of sleep. I can see a vague look of concern on Bucky's face as his eyes systematically search my body for blood or a wound. When he sees none, Bucky looks back up at me with furrowed brows.

"When was the last time you slept?" he asks, and I find my tongue lead-filled when I try to speak. I look over to see sunlight streaming into the warehouse and turn back to look at Bucky, who is holding all of my weight.

"I think that makes three days," I respond, my words slurred and groggy. I watch Bucky's eyes widen as mine try to slip closed again.

I hear him sigh and release my waist to pick me up, one hand under my knees and the other on my back. I just let him carry me, already half-asleep when he sets me down in front of the fire and puts one of the blankets over my body.

"Why haven't you slept?" he grinds out, crouching down beside me. In my tired stupor, I find my words coming out with much less of a filter.

"You were hunting my brother and me, remember?" I announce, yawning at the end and letting my eyes slip closed, "He slept, I watched"

Those are the last words I manage out before sleep tugs me under. Beside me, Bucky stands with a sigh, his burning gaze lingering over my peacefully sleeping form before stepping out to do the perimeter. What I don't know is the way inside, guilt crawls up his throat. He doesn't know what really made him choose to help me, he just saw the innocence in my eyes and couldn't bring himself to kill me.

That was the first time he'd defied a HYDRA order.

|||

"Why were you hunting us?"

It's been a few hours since I woke up and the sun has long set, bringing back the brisk temperatures. Bucky and I sit near the fire, but still worlds apart with him on one side of it and me on the other. At my question, I watch a muscle in his jaw tick. He looks up from the knife he'd been twirling to look at the fire.

"Your father was my original mission. When I brought him in, he asked my employer to make a trade," Bucky announces, looking over at me with the slightest hint of sympathy in his cold eyes, "Spare his life, take you and your brother's."

It should surprise me, but after the second day of running and unanswered calls I figured as much. Instead, I simply clench my jaw and look over at the fire to hide the way my heart splinters in my eyes. He may have been an awful father but he was still that—our father. At the very least I thought that would mean something to him.

I was wrong.

We sit in silence for a while, only the crackling of the fireplace filling the room. With every minute that Bucky is away from whoever his employer is, he seems more and more aware of himself. Still just as terrifying and just as brooding, but aware.

"Wanna talk about it?" he suddenly asks.

Now this surprises me. I look over at Bucky with slightly widened eyes to find him staring at the fire. He looks back at me, and for the first time there's not a trace of anger there. For a reason I can't explain, my stomach jumps at the look and I have to keep myself from falling into his rich blue eyes. I sigh and look down at the floor.

"Randall Bane was probably the worst dad you could ask for." I focus intently on my lap, biting my lip at the sudden rise of emotion within me, "Him setting a kill order on my brother and I? It should surprise me more than it did."

I don't tell him of the way I was beaten while shielding Cody or the way if I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, a cigarette was put out on my skin because it was more convenient. I let out another sigh, willing the burning emotion in my throat to go away and looking back up at Bucky. To my surprise, he's still looking at me. I give him a small smile.

"How about you? Wanna talk about it?" I ask, hoping deep within that he'll open up to me.

I don't know why I want him to so badly.

This time he sighs and looks over at the fire, a far away look in his eyes.

"The longer I'm away from them the clearer my head gets, but it's like there's this fog around it that I can't shake," Bucky informs, shaking his head and clenching his jaw tightly, "I don't know who I am, but I know the things I've done. That's what haunts me."

A shudder runs through me at the thought of all of the horrible things someone has made him do. While watching the pain run rampant through his features, a part of my heart breaks for him.

"Well, I don't know everything you've done but what I do know is that you saved my life and chose not to kill me even when I'll bet someone forced you to. If you're asking me, that counts for something." I interject. He looks over at me, his broken, fragmented gaze making a part of my heart crack again.

"Can you tell me about...well, what you know about me?" He asks reluctantly, that conflicted gaze back. Somewhere inside it I see a bit of hope, though. I smile softly and nod.

"Your name is James Buchanan Barnes, but everyone just called you Bucky," I begin, telling the man before me the story of his life, "You fought in World War II and did a lot of good. And from what I hear, you were quite the ladies man."

At this, the corner of Bucky's lips pulls up into a smile that lasts briefly, but however brief it was it was there. The sight makes me smile, and immediately I have a desperate need to see that smile again.

"You were best friends with-"

"Steve" he interrupts, a far away look in his eyes. Shock pulses through me.

"I guess you know a little more than you thought." I whisper, the ghost of a smile on my lips. That half smile is back again and with it the butterflies.

"You can call me Bucky," he suddenly states, looking over at me with those intoxicating blue eyes, "I promise to not throw you into the wall this time."

I can't stop the surprised laugh that breaks out of my mouth and nod, looking over at the soldier who just made an actual joke.

"Only if you call me Caroline," I bargain, one eyebrow lifted. He nods.

"Deal."

"You should get some sleep, I'll keep watch," I inform out of habit, knowing that he'll need his rest if a fight comes. His eyebrows furrow and he looks over at me incredulously.

"Caroline," He begins, and I can't help the way my heart jumps at the sound of my name coming from his lips, "You don't need to protect me."

I stare right back, a determination set in my eyes.

"Everyone needs protecting sometimes." I respond, my words soft but unyielding. Something unreadable passes through Bucky's gaze, something that makes my heart lurch. Finally, he sighs and lays down, knowing I won't give in.

"You better wake me up in three hours. Otherwise, I just might shoot you."

A smile quirks onto my lips as I stare into the fire.

"Somehow, I doubt that."

|||

My sleep is deep and dreamless, the kind of sleep your body slips into when it's overly exhausted.

As per Bucky's request, I did in fact wake him up three hours later. Now, as I sleep, I relish in the piece of my unconscious mind.

Until I'm startled awake from it.

"Caroline!"

I gasp awake at the shout of my name, shooting straight up to see Bucky crouched down beside me.

"What's happening?" I ask, panic tight in my voice. He offers me a hand that I take gladly, letting him help me up.

"They've found us, they're outside right now" Bucky grits out, checking the gun in his holster before walking over to a wooden box in the corner that I hadn't spared much thought on before. He shoves it open and pulls out a large, heavy-looking gun and loads something into the front before walking over to me.

"What is that?" I ask, a slight tremble to my tone. He looks over and sees the blatant fear in my eyes. He must remember my reaction to the bloodshed from before, how unsettled it made me, because a part of his tough face softens.

I've never watched anyone die before. I've never even seen a dead body outside of a funeral before. The movies and the shows and the true crime podcasts, none of them come close to the guttural feeling of seeing the life drain from someone's eyes. All of this, it's too much at once.

"We have to get out of here, this is our best shot. My employer doesn't like it when I disobey."

Bucky voice is a rumble in the chaos of the warehouse, and I find myself clinging to the odd sense of security it brings me He walks out of the room and into the open area of the warehouse, the gun slung over his shoulder. I scramble to follow him, but stop short when I see what must be fifty men with guns raised, prepared to come in.

"Bucky" I breathe, my eyes going wide and fear dripping through me. Two to fifty, even for the assassin beside me that's a little much. Bucky looks over at me, but my eyes are trained outside. He spares the armed men a glance before jogging up to me.

"Winter Soldier, come out now and we will not kill you." a voice booms, probably over a speaker.

Bucky uses the hand that's not holding the terrifying gun to turn me to face him. I do, my wide eyes locking onto his oddly soothing ones.

"If we're gonna make it out of this alive, you've got to trust me," he urges, his eyes not leaving mine even when the voice on the speaker gives him his final warning, "You've protected everyone else, let me protect you. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, doll."

My heart leaps at the nickname he uses, and I don't know why but it makes it hard to think straight when he says it. His promise to protect me does exactly what it was meant to do. The sincerity in his eyes makes me believe he's telling me the truth.

I trust him.

I try not to let it show how much that promise really means to me. My entire life I've been the one to protect. Protect Cody from my dad, protect Cody from the grief of losing mom, protect my dad from losing his job and going to jail. For once, someone wants to protect me. It sparks something in me that I've never felt before.

"I trust you" I whisper, nodding to him. His eyes search mine for a moment more before he nods.

"You're not gonna want to look at this," Bucky breathes before using his flesh arm to lift the gun and using the metal one to tug me suddenly into him. He holds me tight to his torso as if to shield me from whatever is about to happen, both physically and visually.

Then I hear the world explode.

I don't need Bucky's iron grip on me to keep me close to him, because once I feel the heat of an explosion and the sounds of men screaming, I bury my face as much as I can into the shoulder of the black vest he's wearing. I feel him swivel us around and hear another shot before another explosion erupts. This one rattles my teeth and makes me hold onto Bucky a little tighter instinctively.

Then just as fast as it began, it's over.

I hear a gun clatter to the ground near me and silence settles over the smoking warehouse. The heat of flames still burns in the distance and even though I know that it's over, I can't bear to look. My entire body is shaking and I hate for feeling so out of control of my fear, but it's not easy being thrust from a mundane life into one flooded with blood and explosions and guns, as much as the movies would like to persuade us it is.

"It's over, Care. You can look" Bucky says softly.

Slowly, I pull away as he lets the grip of his metal arm ease. Around me, flames lick up the ceiling and front wall of the warehouse where the only remainder of the armed men is the cars and the blackened body parts that I'd rather not look at. I bite my lip and run a hand through my hair, nodding to try and come to terms with the carnage before me.

"Alright, what's your plan from here?" I ask, my voice still trembling but firmer than I expected. Bucky looks over at me in surprise. I furrow my brows at him.

"What is it?" I ask, to which he shakes his head quickly and looks down before looking back up at me.

"Nothing, it's just you're one of the strongest people I've ever met." He announces. This time, I'm the surprised one. Bucky sees the shock in my gaze so he gestures to the mess around him.

"I've seen grown, trained men experience this and cry. You're made of tougher stuff, Caroline," he tells me, nodding to me as if to show he respects me. I go to refute his words, but stop. I guess if I didn't realize how strong I really had to have been the past few days.

The past few years.

I go to respond when my eyes widen on something behind Bucky. A person, laying on the ground but raising their gun towards him. Panic shoots through me and I act without thinking.

"Bucky, look out!" I shout, scrambling in front of him just as the armed man shoots.

The sound of the gunshot makes the confusion in Bucky's eyes clear away and he doesn't waste a second ripping his handgun out and firing a single shot, managing to nail the man right between the eyes and making him slump to the ground. I'm not paying much attention to it, though.

The second the armed man shot, an intense fire exploded in my torso. Now, as he's dead and Bucky's turning back to me, I can't see the expression on his face because my eyes are too focused on the blood seeping between my hands that I press firmly to my stomach. Slowly, I peel them away to see blood gushing out of my stomach, the pain almost unbearable. I look up at Bucky, my eyes wide.

His are wider.

There's an unbelieving look in his eyes as Bucky realized what has just happened, what I just did.

"Bucky," I manage out, before my world swoops and my knees buckle.

"Caroline!"

He rushes forward and catches me, not wasting a second to scoop me into his arms as if I weigh nothing. One of my hands that's pressed against my stomach falls, hanging down as he swiftly carries me back to the room we were in before. Bucky clears off a table in the room and sets me down on it. My head rolls to one side, the blood loss already making me tired and weak.

"What the hell where you thinking? Why would you do that?" Bucky asks, his voice tight with panic as he rummages around and grabs what he needs to help me.

"He was going to shoot you" I respond, my words slurred. I hear a number of things clamber onto the table and feel the bottom half of my shirt peeling off of my skin and being cut off to expose my bloodied torso.

"You should've let him" Bucky reprimands, pressing a cloth to my torso that must be covered in alcohol because my skin begins to burn painfully. I cry out in pain, clenching my fists and squeezing my eyes shut.

"It's okay, just breathe. You're gonna be fine," Bucky soothes, keeping the cloth pressed for a few more moments and using his other hand to brush away my hair from my face. Oddly enough, the motion does calm me down.

"I don't have any painkillers left, so this is gonna hurt doll," He warns, moving his hand and the cloth away. I bite my lip and nod as much as I can.

"Okay, okay," I breathe, trying to prepare myself for what's about to come, "I trust you"

His hands freeze at my words and I'm guessing he's still not used to hearing them. But I mean them, I mean them more than I ever have in my life.

Then I feel a pair of metal pliers go into my stomach.

I don't stay awake much longer after that, the excruciating pain much more than my mind can bear. I'm glad for the unconsciousness when it comes and I already feel my throat is raw from screaming.

|||

When I wake up, I'm in a car again.

Night has fallen yet again, telling me an entire day has passed with me unconscious. I stir, sitting up slightly only for an intense ache in my stomach to make a groan rise from my lips. Bucky looks over at me, tearing his eyes away from the empty highway to me. When he does, I smile softly at him.

"Hi" I greet, watching as a small smile pulls onto his lips and he turns forward again.

"Hey," he responds, his metal hand on the wheel and his human one resting, "How are you feeling?"

I place a hand to my stomach and try again to sit up, this time successfully. I nod, running a hand through my wild hair.

"Pretty good, all things considered" I inform, my eyes taking in the scenery as we pull off the highway and move towards what I assume to be a rest stop.

Good, because I'm hungrier than I think I've ever been.

"Alright, I'll get us some food. Stay in here and lock the doors" Bucky instructs as he pulls into the parking lot of the first gas station we see. I nod, not needing to be told twice to follow his orders.

I lock the doors once he steps out, a red hoodie on and a baseball hat pulled low on his head. I feel my heart jump at the sight, seeing him as a normal guy bringing an oddly attractive edge to Barnes. I shake my head and look down at my lap, trying to ignore the inexplicable attraction and pull that I feel towards him.

My mind flows over to Cody, and I can't help but be the slightest bit nervous. I hope beyond everything that my diversion was enough to let him get somewhere safe. I can only hope that he's still safe. Being this far away from him and not knowing whether or not he's okay makes anxiety sit in the center of my chest.

My thoughts are interrupted by the rapping of knuckles against my window. I jump, but only slightly. It's probably Bucky back quicker than I expected. When I look up, though, my heart lurches into my throat. My eyes widen only slightly at the foreign man standing outside my door. He looks normal enough, but I've gotten into such a habit of looking over my shoulder that I know better than to trust him.

"Hey, can you help me with something really quick?" he calls to me through the glass.

Not knowing how to respond, I simply shrug and pretend like I can't hear him. My heart is hammering in my chest as I point to my ear and shrug, watching as the man sighs and looks towards the store.

He's looking to see where Bucky is.

Panic overtakes me and I immediately cast a quick look around the front of the car while the man is still looking at the store to see if I can't find anything to defend myself with should he smash my window. I look to the ignition to see Bucky took the keys, probably to keep anyone from smashing into his side and driving off without me. Then, just as I'm about to go into a full-blown panic, I catch the gleam of black metal underneath the driver's seat.

Bucky must've put an extra gun there.

I quickly look away and back at the man outside just in time for him to look back at me. Underneath his feigned politeness, I can see agitation and desperation.

"I could really use your help with my car, miss. It won't start" he calls out again, this time louder since I told him I couldn't hear before. Knowing I have no excuse this time, I improvise to the best of my ability.

"Okay!" I respond, smiling at him through my adrenaline and 'accidentally' drop my phone at the bottom of the driver's seat. I look down towards it and feign an embarrassed smile.

"One sec" I call back, to which he gives me the fakest smile and nod.

He's growing impatient, I can sense it. He knows I know. I drop down as fast as I can and wrap my hand around the gun underneath the seat. The feeling is foreign to my hands, but I don't let it bother me. I swing it up, grabbing on with my right hand too just as my window smashes open. I gasp at the sight of the barrel of his own gun aiming for me. Thankfully, my gun is already raised and, with bile in my throat and trembling hands, I pull the trigger before he can shoot me.

The recoil makes my teeth chatter and the noise booms across the empty parking lot in front of the gas station, making my ears ring. Something warm splatters all over me, and a distinctively crimson liquid sprays the shattered window of the car. In front of me, the man stumbles back, clutching his shoulder and letting his gun clatter to the ground. My eyes go wide, my mouth filling with bile.

I'm going to be sick.

I hold in my nausea as the man stumbles to his car and gets in, driving off as fast as he can. Just as his tires are screeching on the pavement to receive medical attention at a hospital, at least I hope, I see Bucky shove open the doors to the gas station, panic heavy on his features. His eyes catch on the car speeding away and I watch concern flooded with a touch of desperation and anger flood his face. Bucky snaps his gaze to the car and sprints toward it, skidding to a halt and trying to open his door only to find it locked.

I'm in such a daze that I can't seem to remember to unlock it. My eyes are locked onto the blood that's splattered on my hands, some of the warm liquid on my face. The gun in my hands trembles, but I'm snapped out of my trance when I hear someone run around to my side of the car, the side with the smashed window. On instinct, I gasp and point the gun again only to find Bucky staring at me with wide eyes.

"It's me! It's me, you're safe!" he urges, reaching in through the now open window, making sure to avoid the shards of broken glass and unlocking the doors. Bucky swings open my door and bends in front of me, his eyes flying over my body and looking desperately for an injury.

"Are you hurt?" he asks, looking up at the blood that's on me. His blue eyes are heavy with concern, but my trembling hands and wide eyes can't seem to focus on anything but the gun in my bloody hands.

"It's not mine," I manage out, referring to the blood on my body. The gun shakes as my hands do, tears welling in my eyes that are locked on to it. A pair of hands, one warm and the other cold, grab onto my trembling ones and gently pull the gun away, casting it into the back of the car.

"Caroline," Bucky mumbles, his voice sending shivers down my spine and his hand sparking warmth on my freezing skin when I feel it cup my cheek and turn it so I look at him. His eyes soften at the look upon my face.

"I shot someone," I whisper, my voice quivering as I do and my vision blurring with tears, "He smashed the window and pulled a gun on me and I shot him"

I know and so does Bucky that I did the right thing, but my stomach is still churning. I know the man will be okay, the wound didn't look too serious, but I still shot someone. His metal hand comes up to the other cheek, both hands now resting on my face soothingly.

"It's okay, he was driving away, that means he's going to be okay. You did the right thing, Caroline" He assures, rubbing his thumb over the skin of my cheek.

I nod, knowing he's right and trying to force myself to snap out of it.

"Alright, we have to go before someone comes looking for us again. We can stop at another exit" Bucky informs, taking his hands away and shutting my door only to jog around to his and get in.

I can't help but feel cold and empty without his touch, whether it be metal or human. As the car starts and we pull out of the gas station and back onto the highway, I feel Bucky looking over at me periodically. My eyes are locked onto the highway, though, and not a single thought is bouncing through my mind.

Before I know it, we've pulled off at another exit and into another gas station. When Bucky turns the car off and gets out, shutting his door behind him, I feel a bout of panic begin to set in. He's going to leave me again, He's going to leave me alone in-

My door opens and I look up to see Bucky standing outside of it with his hand outstretched to me.

"This time, I think it's best if you came with me" he states, making my panic dissipate and relief flood in its place. I nod and gingerly put my hand in his, trying to ignore the way sparks immediately soar where our skin touches. Bucky helps me get out of the car, my stomach screaming in pain when I move. Eventually, I'm out and walking with Bucky towards the gas station.

He keeps my hand in his.

The bell above the door chimes when we walk in and Bucky immediately leads me to where the bathrooms are. He casts a quick glance around to make sure we're not being followed this time before leading me inside the men's room. He shuts and locks the door once he's in and checks to make sure no one else is inside, making a bit more of my panic release as we have the entire place alone.

"Here, let's get you cleaned up" Bucky says softly, grabbing my waist gently and setting me as cautiously as he can on top of the counter so I'm just above eye level with him.

For the most part, besides a light tremor in my hands, I've stopped shaking and calmed down. I didn't kill him, only hurt him. Still, though, I fear that moment will be burned into my brain for a while.

Wordlessly, Bucky grabs a paper towel and wets it. Then, he grabs my right hand and gently begins to rub the man's blood off of it. I sit silently, watching him work. He moves on to the other hand, wiping it clean quickly. All the while, I feel my heart hammering in my chest, not because of fear or anxiety or nerves or even trauma.

Because of something else I can't explain.

When he lets go of my hand, his blue eyes turn up to my hazel ones and he leans forward, bringing the paper towel to my cheek. The material is rough against my skin, he moves it so gently that I hardly even notice it. His baseball hat is still on, keeping him from getting too close to me.

In a way, I'm grateful and disappointed because of it.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, the blood is gone. His fingers, though, linger for a moment longer on my cheek, making butterflies erupt in my stomach.

It's crazy to think how only two or three days ago, Bucky was hell-bent on killing me.

When his hand finally drops, he gives me a small, close-lipped smile.

"There, it's all gone" Bucky states, making me smile softly in return.

"Thanks" I respond, looking down at my now clean hands. Surprisingly, the sight does wonders to ease my mind and heart about what transpired tonight.

"Now, we can get some food and then head ou-" Bucky's words die out.

I look up, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. My confusion only intensifies when I see his eyes locked on my arm. Slowly, as if he's scared to touch me, he lifts the sleeve of my shirt and I take in a sharp breath.

There, on full display, are the cigarette marks left by my father.

I look over at Bucky, my eyes wide only to find his jaw clenched. He's hardly moving, hardly breathing, as his hand reaches up to gently trace one of the marks.

"Who did that to you?" Bucky nearly growls. I open my mouth to deflect, but choose not to. It would be harder to ignore it than just simply tell him the truth. I sigh and look away from his gaze and to my hands. I can't bear to look at him when I speak again.

"My dad really was the worst you could get," I offer, keeping my eyes on my hands as emotion rears into my tone, "It started when my mom died. Cody would call me and tell me that dad was getting physical, and I..."

I pause, trying to keep the tears from my eyes as I look back up and over Bucky's shoulder to the wall behind him.

"I couldn't let him get hurt. I forced him to text me whenever dad would get angry and I'd come over and..." I let my words die out, not even wanting to say it aloud, "Like I said, I'd do anything to protect my brother"

Carefully, I bring my eyes over to Bucky's. My heart skips when I see the unreadable look sitting in them. He takes my hand in his, making my mind ease and my heart race.

"Just when I think you're done amazing me, doll" he breathes, making my stomach flutter. Our eyes stay locked for a moment more before he reaches out and helps me down from the counter, setting me carefully back to the floor.

"Just so you know," Bucky begins again, placing a burning hand at the small of my back and looking over at me as we walk to the door to the bathroom, "I can't promise I won't kill your father if I ever see him again"

I don't know why, but the statement makes a smile tug at my lips. I guess, for the first time, I feel truly protected and cared for. As we walk out of the bathroom together, I nudge him slightly.

"For his sake, let's hope you never meet"

|||

"I've thought of a place we can go"

Bucky's words pull me out of my thoughts of Cody. The empty food wrappers sit in the backseat, long eaten. The sun is beginning to rise, and with it is the hope that I'll survive to see the next sunrise. I look over at him, intrigue filtering my gaze.

"It's risky, especially since I'm still not fully remembering who I am, but it's our best shot" he states. Just by looking at the man beside me, I can tell he's scared to do whatever he has in mind.

"Bucky, whatever it is. I'll be right here" I assure, surprising myself with the words. I didn't realize it before now, but I'd much rather be with him than without him. He looks over at me and smiles before turning back to the road.

As he works up the courage to say his plan, I furrow my brows at the 'Welcome to New York' sign that we pass.

"The only people who can really protect us and even help us find your brother are the Avengers."

My heart jumps and I can't help the excitement that floods into me. I look over at him, my eyes wide and bright. He smiles at the happy look on my face and continues speaking. That smile...

That smile of his undoes me.

"It gives me a chance to reconnect with Steve and see if I can't figure this out and they have the best resources to find your brother" Bucky informs, making the both of us happy.

"I think that's the best idea yet, I really hope you can figure everything out" I wish, smiling softly at Barnes. He looks over and smiles.

"Me too"

We drive along for a while, getting closer and closer to the location of the Avengers Tower. In the few bits of silence where we're not talking, I can't help but wonder what's going to happen when we get to the Tower and I get my brother back. Eventually, my assassin and I will have to part ways. I don't know why, but the thought of that leaves a hollow hole in my chest.

Maybe I do know why, but I'm too scared to admit it.

Before I know it, we're pulling up to the tower with a large A on the front. When we park, I look over at Bucky.

"You're probably about to freak some people way out" I warn, picking up his hat and setting it low on his head, "You might want to keep your head down until the moment's right"

He nods at me, offering me a small smile before looking over to the massive tower with a deep breath.

"You ready, doll?"

I nod, biting my lip at the thought of finding Cody.

"Ready"

We step out of the car together and walk into the Avengers Tower, all the while receiving some pretty strange looks from people walking by. I gather up my courage and walk up to the front desk where a woman sits typing away at a computer. Bucky stands beside me, his head down.

"Hi, can I help you today?" the woman asks politely, looking up at me and Bucky.

This is it.

I draw in a deep breath and nod, returning the woman's polite smile.

"Yes actually, we, uh, we need to see the Avengers" I inform, knowing full well how absolutely absurd that sounds. That's like walking up to the White House without an appointment and telling someone that you need to see the president.

The lady gives me an odd look, one that she sends over to Bucky and then back to me. My heart is racing and I'm hoping beyond everything that she'll just let us in to see them.

"I'm sorry, but you need an appointment for that" she informs, looking back down at her computer.

"I don't mean to be rude ma'am, but we really need to see them. It's urgent and I promise you it's not nothing" I continue, making the woman look up at me skeptically. She studies my face before sighing.

"Alright, but you have to get cleared to go up. We don't allow outside, unauthorized weapons or sharp metals" she informs, waving over two guards with metal-detecting wands to check us.

My heart goes to my throat. This is not going to go very well. Bucky and I share the same nervous look as they approach, and beside us I can hear the lady making a call upstairs to let the Avengers know that they have people visiting.

We won't even make it to the elevators though.

"Hold out your arms, please" the guard who walks up to me asks. I do so, letting him scan his wand over me. Within a few seconds, I'm cleared. I look over to Bucky, who holds his arms out too and gives me a nervous look.

The second the wand goes near his arm, it begins to blare. The second guard's wand begins to beep at his hip, signaling a gun. The two guards jump back, both drawing their guns and pointing them at Bucky.

"Woah, woah! Calm down!" I shout, jumping in front of Bucky and holding my hands out.

My heart is racing and I can tell Bucky is anything but happy that once again I've put myself between him and a gun.

"Show us your weapon!" one guard yells, making a tense emotion flood the room. Off to the side, I can see the astonished clerk make another call and speak frantically with who's on the other side.

"Just calm down, we don't want to hurt anyone" I try again, trying to keep the panic from my voice.

Then, to my surprise, one of them shoots.

I gasp at the sound and immediately prepare to be shot again only for Bucky to step in front of me and use his arm to deflect the bullet. The sound of metal hitting metal resounds in the room and the silence following the gunshot leaves everyone in silence. I look up at Bucky in shock, his metal arm in front of me. He looks over his shoulder at me, his slightly concerned eyes searching mine to make sure I'm okay. I nod slowly, knowing full well that I should be shot right now. Once he sees that I'm unharmed, the glare in his gaze tells me I'm going to get a lecture later on not putting myself between him and bullets.

"Put your hands up or I swear I'll shoot again!" the guard shouts, making me jump.

I grab onto Bucky's arm that's in front of my body out of instinct, and he keeps it assuredly in front of me, ready to deflect any more shots.

"Just listen-" Bucky begins, but the guard shouts again.

"I mean it, now!"

"Alright, would everyone just take a chill pill for a second?" the voice of Tony Stark announces, making hope flood through me.

I look over to see Tony emerging from the elevator, his hands held out in front of him as to calm the situation. Behind him, I see Natasha Romonaff and Steve Rogers follow. When I see Steve, I can sense the shock that rolls off of Bucky. I look up to him to see his jaw clenched and his eyes on his best friend. His hat is lowered to hide his face.

"What's going on here?" Nat asks, looking over at us with curiosity in her eyes.

"We just want to talk to you all, please" I inform, my eyes going between the three Avengers.

They all look at each other before looking back at me. Steve steps up, his shield in hand.

"Who are you?" he asks, and I know now's the time. Bucky must too because he slowly lift his gaze so his face is on full display.

"You're Steve, right?" Bucky asks, his voice clouded with confusion.

The shield drops from Steve's hands. I watch pure disbelief pull onto his features as he takes in his best friend that supposedly died all those years ago.

"Bucky?" he breathes, almost afraid that this won't all be real.

"Hey man" Bucky responds, his hand lowering from in front of me as we both understand that our danger is over. Tony looks over at him incredulously.

"As in Bucky Barnes? Isn't he...you know, dead?" Tony asks, to which Nat elbows him sharply.

"Supposed to be, but that's not how things worked out" Bucky responds. That's when Steve steps forward, almost unsure of his movements.

"His mind is a little lost, he needs help figuring it out" I inform, making sure Steve is aware that Bucky's memory isn't fully there. Steve stops in his step and nods, not being able to stop the smile that grows on his face.

I watch Tony send a look towards Steve before stepping up to us.

"Of course we'll help, we've got some of the smartest people in the universe in here" he informs, making me laugh. Tony sends a look between Bucky and I.

"And you can bring...I'm sorry, what's your name?" Tony asks me. I smile.

"Caroline"

He nods and turns back to Bucky.

"You can bring Caroline along," He states, making more relief pump through me, "I don't think everything would go very well if you didn't"

And then, just like that, we're on our way up the tower.

|||

"So, he was hunting you because your father traded his life for you and your brother's?"

I nod at Natasha, who sits with Steve and I just outside the lab where Bruce Banner and Tony are checking out Bucky. Sympathy is drawn across Nat and Steve's faces.

"He cornered us in a motel and I stalled enough to let my brother get away. I don't know how, but I managed to get through whatever mind manipulation they used on him to get him to help me." I continue, sighing and running a hand through my hair, "We've been on the run since then"

"Thank you," Steve suddenly says, making me lift my gaze to his, "For bringing Bucky back, he's the closest thing to a brother I have"

I smile softly and nod.

"Of course"

Nat and Steve share a look before Steve speaks again.

"And it's because I know what it feels like to lose a brother that I want to ask if you want us to help find your brother? I know it's scary, not knowing where he is or if he's safe" Steve says, making my entire face light up.

"That would be so amazing, you have no idea" I rush out, bringing a smile to Nat and Steve's faces.

"Cody Bane, right? I'll get right on it" Nat says before standing and walking away.

"I've been more a mother than a sister to him through all of this" I inform, looking down at my hands and back up at Steve who watches me intently, "He's a tough kid. He doesn't give up easy"

"Neither do you, I'll bet" Steve responds, looking at me knowingly.

I look over at the lab, managing to see in through the glass and watch Bucky get blood drawn and tests done. As I do, my heart tugs. Once I get my brother back, I'll have to leave him. In the past few days we've been together, I've found a connection with Bucky that I've never had with anyone before.

Now I have to leave him.

"Have you told him yet?"

At Steve's sudden and vague question, I look over at him with my brows furrowed. He smiles knowingly at me and casts a look towards his best friend.

"How you feel, have you told him how you feel?" Steve clarifies, making my heart jump into my throat and my eyes widen. I immediately begin to shake my head.

"Oh, no I don't-" I begin to ramble, but Steve cuts me off with a light laugh.

"Don't worry about it, Caroline. Out of every girl Bucky has ever been around, he's never looked at any of them the way he looks at you." Steve informs, making my lips part slightly in shock at the very thought that Bucky could feel the same pull that I do. I don't have time to respond when Nat jogs back in with a tablet in her hand.

"Got him, Cody Bane is alive and well, hiding out at a police station in NYC" Nat informs, setting the tablet down to show the camera feed, "Smart kid"

Relief like I've never felt it floods over me. I look at the screen to see my brother sitting and messing around with an officer's things in the middle of a police station. I laugh, tears of pure joy making it past my defenses and slipping down my cheeks.

"I contacted the department, they're gonna transfer him over in an armored vehicle and police escort. He'll be here within the hour" Nat informs. I nod, standing and throwing my arms around the woman's neck. She gasps in surprise.

"Thank you" I whisper.

She smiles and hugs me back. When we pull away, she nods to me.

"Anytime"

"What's the celebration?"

At the sound of Bucky's voice, I whirl around. He looks calmer than before and intrigue lights up his features when he sees the happiness on my face.

"Cody's alive. He'll be here soon" I inform, not being able to stop the smile on my face. I watch a smile pull on his lips as well.

"Yeah? That's great, Care!" he exclaims. Quickly after, though, I think it hits us both that within the hour, when my brother gets here, we're going to be splitting up. The other people in the room must notice it too.

"Let's give them a moment to talk" Bruce suggests, leading everyone out of the room. Once they're gone, I look back to Bucky with a sad, conflicted smile.

"I guess this is it" I announce, trying to keep the crushing sadness away from my heart, but it's impossible. Bucky lets out a sigh, his blue eyes locked onto my hazel ones.

"I'm gonna miss you, doll" he states, walking up and pulling me into a hug, "Thank you...for everything"

I let out a shaky breath as he does, wrapping my arms around his neck and letting his warmth relax me. This time, when a single tear escapes, it isn't for Cody. We pull away eventually and our eyes lock, my heart skipping when they do.

"I hope you figure out everything" I say, to which he nods but has the most serious look on his face I've seen in days. Our faces are inches apart and I can hardly breathe. The pull that I have to him is so intense that I want nothing more than to close the gap between us.

I don't, though.

Being this near to him is too painful, so I step back and run a hand through my hair. I don't even say anything else, too scared that if I do my feelings will be blatantly clear in my tone. Instead, I just turn around and begin to walk away. I make it a few steps too until a metal arm closes around my arm and pulls me back. I stumble as I turn around, confusion in my face.

"What are you-"

My words are cut off when Bucky keeps his metal hand on my waist and brings his other one to my cheek and crashes his lips to mine. Instantly, I melt into him. My skin feels as though it's been set on fire and yet I can't seem to burn hot enough. His grip on me tightens as his lips work against mine with a desperation that steals my breath. This kiss alone is enough to make me realize that I'm falling fast and hard and it's going to hurt like hell to leave him.

When we finally pull apart, Bucky rests his forehead against mine, his hair tickling my face as he does.

"I know I'm not the man I was before, but-"

I cut him off this time, pulling away so he can see the sincerity in my gaze.

"I'm falling for the man you are now, not the man you were then." I whisper, my heart slamming in my chest as the words leave my mouth. His eyes widen slightly at my confession

"Caroline, you deserve so much better than me" he rasps. For just a moment, I think he's going to say goodbye, and my heart begins to tremble.

Bucky must see the crestfallen look in my eyes because he brings his metal hand up to cup the other side of my cheek so he holds my face. He stares down at me with such intensity that I feel my legs turn to jelly, and I have to tighten my hold on him to stay upright.

"Don't think for a single second that I don't want you," he whispers, making my heart jump, "Now, I'm not as good at the love thing as I was back then but-

"Love?" I interrupt, my eyebrows raising suddenly at his choice of words.

Bucky fumbles with his words for a solid minute before he finally gives up and decides to just press his lips gently to mine, taking my breath away yet again. When he pulls back, he rubs one of his thumbs across my cheek and says his next words with such conviction that my stomach explodes into a thousand butterflies.

"Stay," Bucky suddenly says, his eyes searching mine, "Stay here, we can protect you, I can protect you."

That's all I wanted him to say, that's all I wanted to hear. For someone, for him, to ask me to stay. I smile softly up at him and nod.

"You couldn't get rid of me if you tried"

Bucky smiles and places another quick kiss to my lips.

"Looks like I've still got it"

I laugh, leaning my head against his shoulder and letting the safety and warmth wrap around me.

It's crazy to think that only a few days ago, I was his target, his prey.

And here I am, falling in love with my hunter at a heartbreaking speed

#bucky barnes #bucky x original character #bucky x oc #marvel #mcu #avengers #angst #fluff #oneshot #bucky oneshot #bucky barnes oneshot #the winter solider

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doyouknowbtsswag · 10 months

Text

Hard Truth |Han Jae Joon|

"Everything was a success he should be able to leave soon but we still want to monitor him for a few days" I smiled as I talked to the family. "You're welcomed to visit him."

"Thank you so much I don't know what I would do without him." The lady said tearing up.

"If you have any questions just let the front desk know and they'll call me," I said.

"Let me walk you to the room alright?" I offered to which the lady nodded. I walked them to the man's room hearing the woman telling her daughter that her daddy was going to be alright which made me smile.

"Here we are," I said opening the door.

They both ran over to the man's side relief was written all over the woman's face as she held her husband's hand. The little girl was rambling off to her father even though he was still unconscious.

I smiled and bid farewells. I made my way to my office to start filling out paperwork for the man wanting to get it done as soon as possible. I put the man's discharge papers in a file and put it in my drawer ready for when he's allowed to leave. The family made me a little jealous. They were lucky to have their loved ones knowing their okay and being around them.

At first, when I started to work here I'd go to my cramped apartment and cry at night thinking about my family that fell apart so quickly. My life was ruined when I was 8 and after that, I slowly lost everyone and everything. I was forced to become a skilled doctor but I ended up enjoying it. It wasn't a pretty place and I did horrible things to survive. I was happy for all those families though, watching their faces light up knowing their loved one is okay always makes my day. It made me forget about my past. I'm glad I at least have someone who I can trust and rely on.

"Daydreaming again?" Jae Joon asked leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

"Holy shit" I jumped. "How long have you been standing there for?"

"Quite a while," He said uncrossing his arms and walking to my desk.

"Sorry, I was just thinking of a surgery I have to do this week" I smiled lightly.

"Is everything okay? You've been spacing out a lot more recently." He said grabbing my hand. "You can talk to me I'm always going to be here for you"

"Even if I did the worst thing ever?"

"What's wrong? You're worrying me" He said rubbing circles on my hand.

"It's nothing I swear"

"Why don't we go home early so you can rest," He said. "Plus we haven't had time to relax together without being at work mostly"

"What about-"

"No, we're going home I can tell you aren't feeling well." He said as he walked to the door. "Meet me at my office so we can leave"

"Fine" I sighed but he wasn't wrong.

This was unusual for him to leave early but I wasn't complaining he needed it more than me. I took off the hospital coat so I could put my actual coat on. I grabbed my things and logged out of my computer. I walked to the front desk to let the nurses know to call me if anything happens to my patient while I'm gone.

"I'm sure he'll be fine," The nurse said smiling. "You did an amazing job"

"Thank you" I smiled. "I try my best, have a good night"

"You as well," she said as I walked away.

I took my time walking to Jae Joon's office wondering when I should tell him. The thought raced through my head along with every worst-case scenario. What if I tell him and he breaks up with me? What if he doesn't think the same of me knowing my background? Will he get mad? If he gets mad how mad will he be? Should I even tell him?

I kept aimlessly walking not paying attention to anything around me too deep in thought. Why I'm suddenly feeling the full guilt of everything out of nowhere? I almost walked right past his office and I knew he saw it. He stared at me worry in his eyes before putting his coat on and grabbing his things.

"Shall we go?" He said.

"Yeah," I sighed as he put his hand behind my back.

The walk to the car was silent not a word I could think of at that moment. I kept looking straight too guilty to look at him. I knew I couldn't keep this secret up I'd rather tell him instead of someone else beating me to it. I just wanted to get home so I could tell him and cry in the guest bedroom. I knew he wouldn't be happy hell I wouldn't blame him. Once we made it to the car he opened the door for me like usual and he got in to start the car. He put one of his hands on my thigh and the other on the steering wheel his face changed to a look of worry as he started to drive.

"You've been distant lately," He said bluntly.

"I have?" I asked confused.

"You aren't as talkative to me anymore or not hugging me randomly or stuff like that for the last week" he looked over his eyes had a bit of sorrow in them but were gone in a second. "did I do something wrong?"

"No you did nothing wrong baby," I said reassuring him placing my hand on top of the hand in my thigh.

"You can be honest I want to know what's up," He said. "Shit"

"What?"

"Traffic," He said annoyed. "Standstill it looks like"

Fuck I just want to get home. I want to cry and tried to avoid that by looking out the window. I looked at the licenses of different cars but they couldn't stop him from seeing me tear up. The window reflected my face and I tried to avoid showing. I was stuck having nowhere for me to go. He sighed turning the car off knowing we weren't moving anytime soon. I wiped off whatever tears that were going to fall.

"I don't understand why you've been acting distant and it hurts" He looked forward. "If you want to break up tell me" His voice faltering.

"No, I would never break up with you." I was quick to hug him. "It would be the other way round"

"What does that mean?"

"I'm originally from the North as a doctor that's why you can't find many files of me because they're all fabricated. I escaped and still wanted to be a doctor." My voice started to get hysteric as I continued explaining. "I did so much horrible things and don't deserve someone like you and I don't know why I suddenly felt this way. That's why I wouldn't be upset if you wanted to break up I can pack up when we get home and I'll find a hotel to stay at"

The car was dead silent. I cried hiding in my coat wanting to disappear. I didn't deserve happiness and he didn't deserve to be lied to. I heard a sniffle and looked over seeing him tearing up.

"Why would I break up with you for something you couldn't control." He softly said looking down. "It's a lot to process but I wouldn't leave you"

"Jae-" He cupped my cheeks looking me straight in my eyes.

"I'll always love you, even if you killed someone. I promise"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner" I muttered placing my forehead on his.

"I don't blame you" He smiled lightly.

"I love you"

"I love you too"

#doctor stranger #kdrama x reader #kdrama scenarios #kdrama imagine #lee jung suk

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nerdgirlriot · 4 months

Text

So I've been mostly radio silent for the past few days because I flew out to Hawaii. Yes, I'm visiting my mom (whom I haven't seen since way before the pandemic, and the lockdown exacerbated this) and sort of spending my birthday week in the place of my youth.

It's funny growing up here vs. being here as a tourist. I feel like I don't belong in either group. I'm no longer a local (and some places I knew had either closed or moved elsewhere) but I have too much insider knowledge to be a tourist. I'm mostly hitting up old hangout spots (Ala Moana has changed DRASTICALLY since it was my mall as a teen) and also trying to avoid my Mom's controlling nature, which is what caused me to leave Hawaii completely in the first place.

I don't know if she is truly a narcissist parent, but she was always in charge of my life, and even when I tried to be more independent, she would always demand that I do whatever she says. Not angry, never angry. She only raised her voice to me a few times while I was growing up, and that was because I was being a rebellious little shit. And the frightening result of me being a rebellious little shit and those consequences made me not want to be a rebellious little shit anymore. It was physical, it was frightening, it was real, and it shook me to my very soul and afterwards, I never really trusted her ever again.

But then the rage I saw during that one single event, I realize I also seem to have sometimes. Gotta love family. It could be why I never had kids myself.

But we're civil now. I call her weekly (when I remember and when I have time and when I feel I won't be drained with her constant questioning). I'm here, in Hawaii, now, spending my birthday with her.

Families are complex and imperfect and I have too many emotions tangled up right now. I haven't been here even a day and she asked me to move back home. I have a life in California. I have a job that I'm kinda proud of and people there who support me and I don't want to leave that. My life is my own, not an extension of my mom's, and I wish she'd understand that.

#these things i think #it's my life #sorry so emotional lol #i haven't had decent sleep since I got here #everything is just too bright and too loud #i don't miss living in a house next to the freeway #with street lamps shining directly into my room at night #i need to figure out how to cover my windows

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forgottenluck · 10 months

Text

So....I'm sorry for sort of just...kinda dropping off the face of the earth for the past month, only interacting off and on and such.

Under a read more is the long version.

tldr: Life handed me a very bad hand and i'm not dealing well.....but trying to get myself to a better position.

Now for the long version.

At the end of April, one of my favorite months, my landlord decided that they would not be renewing our lease. For reference, we lived in Government Assisted Housing, which subsidized our rent and made it easier to afford just basic living. As most of my followers know, I live with my mom. But for those of you who are just now joining me on this hell-journey, i'll give you a rundown.

My mom is in very poor health. She's had massive complications with surguries, strokes, heart attacks, transplant....you name it, it's likely happened to her at least once. This left her pretty much unable to care for herself. She can barely stand on her own, uses a wheelchair and walker....etc etc. I've been careing for her for about 15 years now.

Back on track, we'd been living in Government Assisted (HUD) housing for a few years now, it's a vicious cycle of "you can't make more than ___ and if you do your rent goes up." and "Can't work more hours or rent goes up." and "can't get a raise because then rent goes up.".....and we haven't exactly been happy living here. The place has changed hands multiple times too. In the years I've lived here, they've changed hands at least once a year. The current one is the one that's held on the longest....And they're not very good landlords.

During March and April of this year, they did their yearly inspections. Which, due to my mother being sick at the time, we missed. Because of mom's health, she's Immunocompromised, which means she cannot be in contact with a lot of people....especially when she's already ill to begin with. All of the other landlords have understood this, and respected this. When she's sick, i put up a note on the door, that explains she's sick and that if they need to come in, they're to contact me and reschedule any visits until after she is better. As the note instructed, the landlord skipped over our unit in inspection....but never called me to verify a new date. They'd done this before, and so i thought nothing of it....

But when I went in to do our recertification (which we have to do every year through HUD) I was given a massive slap on the wrist because "they couldn't get in our apartment for inspection"....and that the landlord would call me to reschedule the inspection. By that point, the apartment was a mess because i was trying to take care of her and an elderly dog she refused to rehome....So, thinking that it would be in a few days, I worked to get it back into shape.

I never get a call.

Okay. That's fine. I'll just move on with life. I have more important things to deal with, after all.

It was, unfortunately, not fine. I go in to give them my paperwork for the recertification (because I missed some papers the first time) and I get told that our unit is being chosen for the yearly HUD inspection, and that it'd better be spotless in one week. And of course...i panic.

I have ADHD, and being the only member in the family that can actually move around, it means i'm also the only one who can clean the apartment up, take trash out, dust, etc. Which is hard with ADHD. So the apartment was an absolute wreck...and i had to clean the entire thing in one week. I ended up having to call in help. But i got it done.....somehow. The apartment had looked the best it had in YEARS. Sure it was a little dusty, and the carpet was filthy because of an elderly dog and another dog that sheds like crazy.....(and the fact that my vacuum had literally exploded the night before.)

But somehow.....somehow, we failed the inspection. And the landlord wouldn't give me a clear answer on how. Regardless of how or why, we were given a 90 day notice, we had to be out by July 31st. It wasn't an eviction, they were.....nice enough to do it as a "non-renewed lease" but it was still....not a great situation.

Cue a.....mad, frantic battle of trying to find a place to live. With mom's health, we had to have specific accomedations.....and luckily a friend of mine was willing to go in with me on an appartment, even willing to accomedate my mother if we could find a place. But every place we looked into, applied too....denied us. (It didn't help that because i was once income based housing, my income was very low and most apartments wanted 2 or 3 times the rent in monthly income.....which was impossible for me.)

About mid June, my mother decided enough was enough, and she agreed to be put into a nursing facility. I could no longer adequately take care of her, tension and emotion were strained.....it had not been a good situation for a while, and she finally broke down and agreed to the suggestion. We put that in motion and then me and my friend set out once again to try and find a place to live. Without her limitations, the first place that we applied too accepted us. A small breath of fresh air....that didn't last long.

I now had to pack a whole 2 bedroom apartment into either a donate bin, a storage bin, or the new place. And to make matters worse, my mother was obstinate and inconsiderate, and pretty much refused to let me work on packing unles it was the middle of the night and she wasn't awake. I would constantly get passive aggressive quips and sometimes full blown arguments with her about the move.

All the while, there's hiccup after hiccup with her going into a facility. First the hospital didn't release her information to the coordinator because they thought it was an audit (which if it was an audit wouldn't you get it super fast in that case to get it over with? but what do I know....), then the coordinator went on a mandatory vacation. Then they had to wait for the hospital to release more information. Then mom had to have a test done. All of this stuff should have been handled in two weeks. We were told by the coordinator it would only take two weeks......A whole month went by and we were still waiting.

And because we were still waiting, and i was recieving harassment and push back, i was behind in packing and sorting. Those weeks were....really blurry if i'm going to be honest with you all. It didn't help that about towards the beginning of July my apartment was broken into and I was assaulted. (SA, this will be the only mention.) OF course the Landlord did nothing, and I really don't want to go into details because it just makes them look even hinkier.

The stress, the assault, the move....it all blurs together the past month. I spent from July 30th to August 3rd trying to get as much stuff out of that apartment and into the new one as i could. My roommate had already moved in, so i just had to move my stuff in.

My aunt, graciously allowed me and my mom to stay with her while we stayed in the facility limbo (i had to stay with mom because my aunt had no idea how to care for her, and really couldn't do everything necessary.) But...mom's health rapidly deteriorated over the past few weeks, and she was just admitted into the hospital.

Life has not been kind to me the past few months. I've been stressed, attacked mentally, verbally, and physically. It's honestly a wonder i'm still kicking. I know i've developed some sort of heart murmer or palpitations that flare up from time to time recently. My room is bare minimum....i just had to buy a comforter set and some other things that i need to be able to sleep. It's not been good.

But.....hopefully, from now on, things will look up. I know this has been mostly a rant, but I wanted people to understand where I've been and why i've either dropped things completely, snipped and snaped at people, or hyperfocused on one or two things. It's all i've been able to do. And I want to thank all of you for getting to the end of this, and for supporting me as much as you all do. I'll get back into the swing of things here, it just may take me a bit.

Thank you again, and please, i do hope you have a good night. I'll queue this a few times over the next few days.

#{Out of Luck} OOC #rant thingy #Life Update...kinda important #long post

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bookwyrminspiration · 5 months

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do you have any novellas you'd recommend? I've been in an awful reading slump

I must confess, I don't read many novellas, but! My dad does, and he frequently recommends them to me (we have fairly similar taste), so I can pad the list with some of those.

The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists by Gideon Defoe; there's multiple, and they're these ridiculous short tales of these ridiculous pirates doing. ridiculous things. They made a movie out of the first one. the pirate captain worries he's not entertaining his crew, and on a heist they encounter Charles Darwin, who is training a monkey to be a man and he promises to help him show off this magnificent feat to his snobby superiors and help his rescue his brother from Oxford. Suffice to say things go funky. this is a story that embraces its ridiculousness beautifully

Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto; a bittersweet exploration of grief and healing. there's no huge drama, just a girl healing from the loss of her grandmother who finds someone who knew her late grandmother, and finds healing in time and new connections. and in sharing grief with new family. there's also a short story within banana at the end called Moonlight, which also discusses grief. one of my favorites :)

This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone; you've likely heard of this one before. an epistolary novel of letters between two enemy soldiers in an infinite war across space and time. one fights for a machine-based side, the other for a garden/nature-based. they travel up and down time, ensuring pieces of the future are correctly in place for themselves and sabotaging each other. but more and more...they find themselves valuing these at-first taunting letters. and there are consequences to that

The Ice Dragon by George RR Martin; this one's meant for a younger audience, but I'm quite fond of it. a little girl was born with the cold inside her, and when the ice dragon visits during winter, she can safely touch it and all the other cold creatures without melting them like other kids. but war is coming, and she has to grow. and as much as she loves this dragon as cold as her, survival means sacrifices.

Mapping the Interior by Stephen Graham Jones; an. intriguing story about a kid living on the reservation who sees his dead dad's presence come back to visit--but there's something...off happening. and his little brother's seizure and condition are getting worse, and it turns out there's no escaping the past. this one leaves a bit of unsettling contemplation in my experience--and this author has also written a bunch of other things if it turns out to be to your liking

The Haunting of Tram Car 015 by P. Djèlí Clark; this is one I haven't read myself, but it's apparently an alternate history in Egypt of detectives trying to solve why this tram car is haunted--and trying to fix it. i intend to read it one day, just haven't yet

Fireheart Tiger by Aliette de Bodard; another one I haven't read about a princess sent away as a hostage when she was younger, but who has now returned and now faces an old love (I think? it's a little fuzzy. i believe it's also queer, but I wouldn't want to advertise it on that alone).

American Hippo by Sarah Gailey; recommended by my partner, is comprised of 2 novellas. I don't know much except that it's an alternate world where America did, indeed, bring hippos over to serve as a main meat source. however they are very viscous, and that causes problems, which I believe the main characters are trying to help solve...? they're spoken very fondly about it with me :)

I could likely come up with more if needed, but these are a solid few to get you going--if you want to read any of them. There is, of course, no pressure if none of these work for you! I think, personally, the first two are my top picks from this list; I've used them to get out of slumps myself. I wish you luck!!

#book recs #book recommendations #novella recs #quil's queries #gayupstraight #another trick to get out of reading slumps I've learned is to reread old books you like #hence my tgI reread #a quick series I know I like to just go through the motions and make it familiar again #warm up and strengthen my reading muscles enough to move on to new stuff :)#long post

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echantedtoon · 6 months

Text

A Champion Time For The Heart Ch34 An Unexpected Visit

(Give me name suggestions for the reader's new pokemon, also Slight warning that the pokemon has a few scars on his body.)

"Hey. I should probably tell you somethin' before I go. I-I was the only one who seemed ta notice it and I wasn't sure if I should say anythin' or not..But I should probably tell ye now less I forget."

"Forget what?"

"Y/n, I dunno if ye knew or not but-..Lee's romantically interested in ye!"

"Wait....WHAT!?"

Safe to say Victor's confession left you stunned to say the least. Standing there staring at nothing like your brain was turned off until Sonia poked your side startling you into snapping to her, asking if you were alright. You assured her that you were indeed ok and just a bit shocked is all. At the time she seemed a bit unsure but didn't press the matter further which you appreciated. But that still left the question...

WHAT DID YOU JUST HEAR!?

Why would Victor just say that and then ditch like he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar!? LEON LIKED YOU ROMANTICALLY?! THERE WAS NO WAY!! Leon hadn't ever shown interest in you like-...Well like THAT!! He was a really good guy and you could say he was definitely a friend but NOTHING more than that! There was no way he would even remotely just once think of you like that! You'd have an easier time convincing yourself you were still in a dream world. There was no way it was true! Victor must've been pulling your leg! That was the only logical explanation!

...Right?

You decided to try (and failed-) to not think about it, but unfortunately it seemed everyone seemed to notice something was on your mind because one day Leon's grandmother decided to ask you about it.

"Dear," you jumped hearing the elderly lady address you with a concerned look, "Are you alright? You look like you've been thinking about quite a lot about something lately."

"Uh.." You forced a smile waving her off. "N-Nah! There's just been...A-A lot on my mind lately. Nothing to worry about." You sighed. "B-But I sure could use a distraction from it for a while."

"I see. Well if it's a distraction you need try to entertain your mind by busying it with something else."

Something else huh? Well what could you do to distract yourself from the supposed love connection Leon had for you? You've been trying to do that for a few days now and it's hasn't been working! And it was then you remembered a certain thing Leon had told you a little while back.

"I heard from Hoppy you're still renting the basement room from Mum. Does that mean you haven't decided on traveling around yet?"

To his relief you shook your head no. "Nah man. I don't wanna do anymore traveling. I think I'm actually going to stay in Postwick for the time being."

His eyes lit up immediately. "REALLY!? I mean-" he coughed and looked away. "Oh yeah, yeah. I can totally understand that. Traveling's been putting a damper on me too. Which is why I've been wanting to get all of these tasks for the Chairwoman done as fast as possible....But something tells me you don't want to rent that room forever right?"

You blinked at him. "I mean-..Well yeah. I don't plan on renting your mom's basement forever. Don't get me wrong. Your family is perfect and I love spending time with them, but it was never a long term idea to me."

"Oh. Then you're planning on leaving Postwick in the future?"

"Well there really isn't any houses for sell around here so one day I'll have to look for one for sell somewhere-"

"That's great!" You blinked back to him as he smiled. "I-I mean that you're looking for somewhere more permanent b-because there's actually someone selling their house in Postwick! M-Ms. Magnolia was telling me about it when we stopped by for the two to apologize to her and Sonia!"

"Wait. Really?"

He nodded. "Just a little ways down Route 2 past Sonia's house. Old Man Harry's selling his house!" Your eyes widened even more as he nodded. "Yeah! He's retiring and wants to move closer to his family so he's putting his house up for sale! It's down the road aways from everyone but it's still close enough to your job a-and it's really spacious! I-It's just a suggestion though!" He clarified holding up his hands. "I-I was just trying to be helpful!"

"Are you kidding me!?" You smiled wide. "That's great! But I'll have to think about it. I make no promises."

So there was a house for sell near here huh?...Well you doubted you could afford it. Sure you had a lot of money saved up thanks to Mrs. L's great rent prices, but for a whole house and property? You didn't think so but that doesn't mean you couldn't check it out! Who knows? It might just be what you need to help get your mind off things! So the next time you got a day off you set off towards Route 2 down past the lab and back towards Mrs. Magnolia's house, Silver toddling loyally behind you. Finding the path split into two different paths rather than just one that was in game. Ms. Magnolia lived at the end of the path so you opted to take the small path that split off from it and when a bit farther to the south from the professor's house but still very much in Postwick. At the end of the small dirt path was a house alright, but not a very big one. It was just a plain looking one story house similar to Mrs. G's but slightly bigger with a wooden fence behind it that seemed to separate the property from the giant spacious field behind it. You wondered briefly if that field was one of the ones Mrs. L owned and rented out to the local farmers for use. It didn't seem the property was very big but it wasn't too far away from where you worked or any of the stores in town which you liked, and it was certainly bigger than the basement you were currently staying in. A 'For Sale' sign was staked into the front lawn and you walked up to the front door which was...Wide open?? That confused you for a moment. Was someone home? You didn't see any cars and you didn't think someone would just leave the front door open. Was there a burglar in there? You got your answer when not even a moment later someone excited the house broom in hand and started sweeping off the porch not even noticing you. It was a young man and he seemed too busy trying to sweep off the porch to even notice you for a moment before he finally got a sense someone was watching him and he looked up half shocked to see you standing there and the two of you stared at each other before he rose a brow.

"Um...Can I help you?," he asked uncertain.

You blinked. "Um..I uh-.." And you quickly pointed at the sign. "I h-heard this place was for sale?"

Was THIS Old Man Harry? Doubtful. He was too young to be considered old. Regardless the man seemed genuinely surprised having to look you over again before he smiled again. "Oh! Well then that changes everything. Sorry about that." He gestured for you to come closer motioning to the house. "I wasn't expecting anyone so early. Please come in."

"Uh..Thanks."

You took him up on his offer to walk inside the house after him and the inside shocked you. It was..semi-empty. About half way you'd say if you'd have to say. There was random furniture in a few places as if either being in the middle of moving out, You again looked to the broom in the man's hands, or moved about to clean under them. But like you thought it looked pretty plain but that wasn't a big deal. Simple was good enough for you.

"Sorry about the mess," the man apologized looking embarrassed, "I haven't been able to finish cleaning out the place, and I really wasn't expecting anyone to show interest in this place so quickly."

"It's alright. But..I thought Old Man Harry was supposed to be here."

"Huh? Oh. You must mean my grandpa," he sighed in a very annoyed manner, "Yeah. The old man decided he had enough of the country life and decided he all of a sudden wanted to spend his retirement in Hulbury with all the beaches and great weather!" With a disdained look to the floor he huffed. "And then he left me the chore of trying to sell this place! Which works as well as pushing a boulder up stairs. What person would want a dump like this in a middle of no where town?"

...You rose a brow. "You must really want this place off your hands."

"Are you kidding me? I'd love to not have to deal with this and go back home, but I can't until I sell this place."

....You smiled. "Well..Maybe we could work out a deal!"

And that's how you managed to buy and own a house for cheap even if it did take up all of your savings. That guy must've REALLY must've not wanted the bother with this house and just return to the city which worked out in your favor because not only were you know a full fledged homeowner but whoever left the house before you had left a lot of furniture. Not a whole lot but enough to make the house seem less empty and you had a stove! Which was a plus because now you could cook! Leon's family was sad to see you go but considering you didn't live too far away and promised to visit them helped to settle those sad feelings. Leon's mom and granny even brought you a housewarming gift that consisted of some home baked goods and a small home made tablecloth. Once or twice you'd have Sonia stop by to take a look at your new home but the visitor you'd get most often would be Hop. Between his work and schooling by Sonia, he'd drop by your workplace or your home just or talk or see how you were doing, but most of the time it'd just end up with him rambling on about some random pokemon facts or updates Victor or Gloria would send him with pictures. Both seemed to be having a blast although Victor still often complained about the cold weather. It was nice seeing Hop, at this point you'd consider him a little brother figure. But then he went onto the Isle of Armor for some samples Sonia wanted and Sonia's herself went to the Crown Tundra to investigate some leads on some rare pokemon she heard about which left you without any visitors for a while. You'd sometimes see Mrs. G or L while at your job and sometimes you'd see Ms. Magnolia passing by her house but that was about it. Your new home was starting to become more organized as well with you moving the furniture around and it was one day in October where you were going through and emptying your backpack finding a whole lot of things you had completely forgotten about. The curry dex Gloria had given you being one and you made a point to take some time to go submit it to the Station Master to receive those 'prizes' she didn't want. You also found a few things you'd figure would be super helpful! That phone you won at the Christmas festival last year and-..Hey. Wait a minute. Your hand brushed against something round and metal feeling in your backpack and with a grab you pulled out a pokeball wrapped in a red ribbon. What the- OH! It was that pokeball from that game Leon won for you! Wow. It must've been in here this whole time...Huh. You wondered what kind of pokemon it was. Silver cooed curiously at it and looked at you when you stood up pokeball in hand. Well...There's no time like the present as they saw. You might as well see what kind of pokemon it was. You had just removed the ribbon from the ball-

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!!

You stopped blinking as a loud knock was heard at from the door ..and you slowly stood up. A visitor? Oh nice! You wondered who that was. Maybe Hop or Sonia returned from their trip and came by to visit you? Or maybe one of their family members were here? Maybe Ms. Magnolia? She did live just up the road. Perhaps she needed your help with something? In any case you happily walked on over to the door with a smile and answered it Silver right behind you curious also to see what was up. But when you saw who was on the other side your face quickly changed to one of surprise because out of everyone you were expecting it was the least likely person possible. Right there on your new porch was none other than Champion Leon himself. You stood there stunned for a moment as he also looked embarrassed one hand rubbing his neck in that habit of his.

"Leon?"

"Um...H-Hi, Y/n," he said forcing a nervous smile before he gulped, "Sorry to drop in unannounced like this b-but can I come in. There's uh...something I'd like to talk to you about."

It took you a few more seconds of blinking before you finally smiled at him again and backed up to allow him to come in. "Sure! Come on in, Lee!" He did so looking as embarrassed as can be and his face suddenly turning a...red?? You brushed that off for the moment closing the door happy to see him. "I'm surprised to see you. It's been a while. What brings you all the way here?"

"Ahaha. I-I-It certainly has. U-Um.." He looked at every which direction but yourself trying to avoid eye contact and act casual. "I uh-..Well I was just i-in t-town and Mum told me you decided to move here af-fter all! So I figured I'd stop by and see how you were doing!" He cleared his throat pointing at a random table. "I-I like what you did with the place! It looks nice!"

You blinked but still smiled. "Thanks! Honestly it was kinda easy. But what did you wanna talk about?"

"Whosaysanythingabouttalking!?,'' you blinked as he said that quickly in a high pitched tone.

"Um...You..did?" You said slowly with a raised brow. "Just now when you walked in."

He gawked at you before paling and blinking. "OH RIGHT!!" You winced at the high volume as he forced a laugh. "I-I knew that! I-I just wanted to stop by and ch-ch-chat with a friend! Yep! Haha! Friends talk all the time! Took me two accidental trips around Postwick before I could find you! Haha! Funny story right?!"

You rose a brow higher as he sweated more with his forced smile. Why was Leon acting so ...nervous and fidgety? That was very unlike the usually confident and upbringing Champion. Was something wrong? Did something happen?...Maybe he was just embarrassed about getting lost again? But he never got this level of embarrassed at the time. ...It was then you froze. And what Victor said before passed your mind before it hit you, and two things happened at once. You groaned loudly making Leon pause in surprise and your face turned a bright pink also in embarrassment.

"This is about what was said about you and me wasn't it?"

He blinked confused. "....What?"

You nodded with a sigh. "Yeah. I already knew why you're here."

He froze looking like ice was shoved into his body before his face REALLY paled enough to resemble a ghost. "You-....You d-d-d-do?"

You held up a hand. "Yeah. And don't worry about any of it. Let me guess..You're here to talk about that stuff concerning you and me right?" By how he looked it must've been a yes. Oi vey. Poor guy must've been really embarrassed to come to talk to you about this. You didn't blame him. No doubt Victor must've told Hop and in turn Hop must've told Leon, that's how those two were. Sigh. Leon must've came here to apologize or to see what this was all about understandably. "L-Look. I know how you must feel about this entire thing-"

"You DO!?"

"Yes. And I wanted to let you know that it's perfectly alright and you have every right to be embarrassed. I would be too."

He looked SO lost. "B-B-But I just-...I didn't s-s-say anything yet so how did you-"

"Victor told me," you told him truthfully and Leon froze for a good moment.

His brain gears whirling and blinking. Thinking back to the few times Victor looked suspiciously between the two of you..and then he realized. VICTOR CAUGHT ON TO HOW HE FELT ALL ALONG!! Victor was always good at noticing things before anyone else did, so it'd made sense he would've told you before he did- SO YOU KNEW HE LIKED YOU THIS WHOLE TIME TOO!? It made his face light up brighter than his charizard's flames and again his hand slapped over his mouth. How LONG did you know?! When did Victor tell you!? You knew he'd come here to confess sooner or later?! It made his heart pound and his mind spin-

"S-S-So you knew how I felt?"

You shuffled now looking away clearing your throat. "*ahem* W-Well..I figured that's why you look so nervous. But seriously...I-I-It's fine. I'm sure you understand."

"So-..." he weakly held up a hand, "What happened last Christmas-.." You looked up at him. "W-W-When we..." He gestured to his mouth to indicate the accident. "Y-You aren't mad?"

You just reeling back through time to what happened last Christmas and your whole head from your ears all the way to your neck felt warm. "W-What?! N-NO!!" You quickly held up your hands nervously. "T-T-That was just an accident! Of course I'm not mad about that! Unless you're mad at me about it!!"

"WHAT!? Ab-Absolutely not!! I was worried you were mad at me for what happened s-s-so I came to apologize!"

"I-I'm not! There's no need to apologize! So don't!"

"I-I won't then!"

"Good!"

"G-Good!"

An awkward silence filled the room as you both stood there shuffling your feet and avoiding eye contact each other with a cough or two here or there. Well...It was uh-...T-That was easier to talk about than he thought it would be, and he was REALLY glad you were angry at him and you seemed to be taking his apology/confession to you really well. He never suspected Victor would tell you though...but..He finally looked at you again. You were-...Alright with this? Well obvious you must've been otherwise you wouldn't be so calm about this. In fact you were taking this-...Rather well. WAIT! Does that mean you-

"So y-you're ok with-..." He gave a tender concerned look and gestured between the two of you, "This? Like y-you feel-" ....He heavily gulped sweat pouring like a waterfall down his face at this point. Eyes wide and face redder than a stop light. "..You fe-fe-feel the s-same w-way?..A-About t-this whole thing?"

You blinked confused on why he would ask that. Yeah. You thought so. If you heard from your friend that you were supposedly in love with someone without even talking to them, you'd be embarrassed and nervous and apologetic about the whole thing too! So you could understand how he must've felt. So you nodded.

"Of course. I think that would've been obvious by now." What followed was Leon just staring at you for a good long moment, just staring, before his hand smacked over his mouth and his face reddened to the point he felt like he was boiling. "Leon!? Are you alright?"

"....m' good...," he mumbled numbly.

"Do you wanna sit down?"

"...that'd be nice thanks..." He (stumbled-) walked over to the nearest sitting spot which happened to be a random chair in the room and plopped himself down on it, one hand holding his head as he stared off at nothing.

"Are you sure you're ok? You're staring off there."

"Y-Yeah. M'fine..." He finally shook his head and gave you a bewildered look. "I-I'm just trying to wrap my head around how you feel the same way but y-you're being so casual about this."

You blinked. "Oh. We're you expecting me to be mad?"

"N-No! Well not exactly." He shrugged. "I thought you'd be u-upset or something. But I'm glad you're not. In fact..I-I'm not sure how to feel about all of this."

"...Oh." You were confused on that part. Was he that nervous about you getting made over a simple mistake Victor made and an accident that happened nearly a year ago now? Well it's good he got this off his chest now. You reached over to pat his shoulder with a smile making him look at you. "Well look at it this way. It's off the table now and we can just move on from here, right?"

He stared at you for a long moment before giving a half relieved half shaky sigh before nodding. "You-You're right." He nodded. "We can figure out h-how to move forward from here totally."

So...you DID like him. He wasn't made about this, but it sure was shocking. Shocking but..not unpleasant. That just left the question now that everything was laid out in the open...What the heck was he supposed to do now? He hadn't thought this far ahead for this! Meanwhile you were confused by his strange choice of words before nodding.

"Absolutely! Although I'm a bit surprised to came to talk to me about this instead of Hop or Victor."

He sighed. "Well when I asked Sonia about it she suggested I c-come talk to you and clear the air."

You paused. SONIA!? Just how many people did those two tell that little 'revelation' of theirs'!? Good grief! You sighed before crossing your arms, "Well I'm glad we got this whole thing cleared up at least."

He nodded. "M-Me too actually. Oh! That reminds me!" He reached around under his cape to the right and pulled out something. A small white envelope with a small red seal on it. "I actually did come here for something else besides clearing the air." He held it out to you and gave a small smile. "Here! It's an invite to the events in Wyndon in next month."

You blinked before looking at the letter before taking it. "An invite? is there something going on I don't know about?"

He nodded again. "Yeah. There's going to be a tournament with everyone to welcome Prince Lear from the Pasio Region. He's going to be picking some of us to go compete in this giant tournament thing of his. All the extra details are written in there."

"No kidding?" You looked over the letter in your hand before smiling. "Thank you! I'm real excited now."

"Y-Yeah. Everyone's gonna be there. Sonia's already got her invite as does everyone else-.." He trailed off blinking before pointing at something. "Hey. Whatcha got there?"

You blinked at what he was pointing at before following his eyes and holding up the pokeball you still had in your hands. Oh right. You still had this! "Oh this? It's that pokeball you won be last Christmas."

"Really?" He hummed and gave it a curious look over, "Oh wow. What kind of pokemon is it?"

You shrugged. "I dunno. I haven't really opened it up yet. I was gonna do it today but you showed up then."

He stood up smiling like his regular self again. "Well then let's find out!"

You agreed and the two of you went outside. Arceus forbid it'd be something as big and bulky as an onix or duraludon and destroy your new house you had just gotten. Doing it outside was MUCH safer. So the two of you went outside there a flying Taxi was perched just a little bit aways from you (so that's how he arrived) and once you got a safe just-in-case-of-giant-pokemon away from your house, you threw the balls, and what was inside came out in a bright white light. A blinding white light came forth and what came out of the light was-...More..white? And red too. Silver chirped in alarm at what ended up shaking it's strange red and white fur out and bristle up before it sniffed the air, gave a snort noise...and then slowly turned it's head around to look at you. It was about as tall as Silver was only a bit bigger and it just silently stared at you. Well...It was certainly smaller than an onix, but you stared at it in surprise. And when you looked at Leon you blinked. He seemed even MORE surprised! His eyes wide and blinking at the pokemon still silently staring at you two.

"A zangoose?," Leon finally spoke making you jump and snap your head to him.

"Zangoose?" You blinked between him and the pokemon who then yawned seeming not the slightest bit surprised seeing you and being more bored. Looking at the pokemon now, you recognized the red fur patterns clearly. It was in fact a zangoose. The zangoose reached it's clawed hand up to scratch behind his ears. "Well...I wasn't expecting that."

"Neither was I to be honest," Leon added with a frown, "Mostly because these guys aren't native to Galar at all."

Your head snapped back to him. "Really?"

He nodded. "Yeah..So how in the world did this guy end up here, and in a game of all things?"

That WAS a good question. How DID a zangoose end up all the way in Galar if they weren't native? Pokemon poachers? Did a foreign trainer just abandon him here? Was he accidentally brought here by other means? You had no idea. You watched as he sniffed around a few more times before it's head finally snapped to you and Silver made a noise before diving behind yours and Leon's legs. It just..stood there and stared at you silently for a long moment before Leon finally leaned forwards and also stared at you. Well you stared silently back at him raising a brow between both of them before it hit you. They weren't looking at YOU. Their eyes were trained far too downwards to be looking at your face, so f/c eyes followed their gaze and you realized something. They were both staring at the pokeball in your hands. But just in case you decided to test this theory by holding the ball up, and sure enough the Zangoose's red eyes followed it as you held it up silently. He was staring at the fact you were holding HIS pokeball!! You continued to stare at one another before the thing just scurried up to you making you yelp and jump back as it was suddenly standing right in front of you sniffing at you like a curious puppy before those long claws wrapped around your arm-

"Don't panic!," Leon shouted suddenly as you let out a loud surprised noise as your arm was promptly and forcefully made to extend out and you were yanked to lean down at the waist by the zangoose and you practically froze as your arm was at the mercy of those claws that was wrapped around it. You wanted to pull away instantly but hearing Leon's shout you froze. "It's not going to hurt you!" He assured as you just stared at him in panic. "I think it's just ..curious."

"You don't say," you hissed through clenched teeth side eyeing the zangoose and it's claws around your arm as if sniffed curiously at it before it brought your hand to his face with a bewildered expression finally releasing one of his clawed hands from your arm-...Only to lightly wrap it around your hand and seemed even more confused just silently looking at them, like he was comparing your plain defenseless hand against his sharp long claws. His fur was ..soft. Softer than you would expect from how rough he looked. Quite literally. He was covered in a few obvious scars that must've been from some really bad fights, which gave you the impression he might start fights or perhaps he had a bad temper. But the way he was holding you was gently, even if he was manhandling you. After a bit he turned his head to your still slightly panicked face letting you see a big scar running across his right eye and running down his side to his shoulder. He narrowed his eyes at you for a long moment before one of his claws reached up and poked your nose lightly. "Hey!" Your nose scrunched up and you narrowed your eyes. "That wasn't very nice of you. Could you please let go of my arm now?"

His response was to snort but immediately released your arm which surprised you but the pokemon seemed to be sizing you up looking you up and down and ..crossed his arms which surprised you further which was very human like. His head tilted to the side seeming to think for a moment before he sighed, nodded, and then turned his attention and curiosity to Silver who let out a startled choke behind you all as he began to walk around you both towards the startled water type.

"Well...That was strange," you finally commented raising a brow as the thing walked on it's two legs around you.

"I think he was just trying to figure out his new situation," Leon commented back just as the Zangoose walked behind you both. "On the bright side I don't think he's hostile unless you're hostile to him first." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know a whole lot about these guys since they're not from Galar, but from what I heard they're territorial and show aggression where it's given."

"Well that's comforting," you mumbled looking back once you heard a panicked chirp. The zangoose was literally manhandling Silver in his giant paws, holding him above the ground and was turning him this way and that sniffing at him as the drizzlie panicked and waved his arms and legs about wildly begging you to save him. "AH! No, no, no, no!! HEY!" The zangoose looked at you boredly as Silver struggled in his grip. "You can't hold him like that!" It still stared at you- "Put! Him! Down! NOW!!" You practically shrieked at it surprising it and the grip on Silver loosened letting the drizzlie fall with a thud to the ground before scurrying over to you. "You can't just pick up random people- Uh..Pokemon like that without asking!" You scolded the surprised zangoose who just stared at you. "Don't ever do that again! Or else you're gonna be in big trouble!"

The thing said nothing as it stared at you for a long moment before his arms flopped to his side and his ears went back as he gave some kind of whine-growl of annoyance and looked away. Well..could've been worse. Silver peered from behind your legs and gave a loud angry chirp at him which the zangoose didn't respond to.

Leon chuckled making you look deadpanned at him which he smiled at you with a sigh. "Well...I can't say this wasn't fun, but.." He frowned now. "I can't stay for too long. I have to go deliver some other invites b-but.." He looked between you and the nearby taxi again looking hesitant to say something before taking in a deep breath and letting it out. "Well. *ahem* Si-Since we uh di-di-discussed that whole-...situation and we're both on the same terms concerning it.." He winced a bit and gulped. "I um-...W-W-We're allowed to b-b-bring a plus one w-with us when he go." 'We'? OH! He must've been referring to the other gym leaders. "I d-don't suppose you'd mind if I a-asked if-...y-you'd be mine f-f-f-for th-the e-events?"

His plus one? OH! That must've been the reason he gave you the invite. So you happily nodded making him blink. "Sure! It sounds like fun!"

"Wait..Really?" His eyes widened and a big goofy grin spread across his face. "Y-You really wouldn't mind!?"

"Of course not! Like I said it sounds like fun, and I'll get to see everyone again! It'll be fun to spend time with you too!"

He smiled even more face a pretty cute pink as he let out a couple chuckles. "I-...T-Thanks. You really don't know how happy I am since talking to you." You smiled too! You were happy to help! "Ah! But look at the time!" He glanced up to the afternoon sun as it sat in the middle of the sky as it slowly went across the sky. "I've gotta leave now if I want to make it to Hammerlocke within decent time. So-Sorry again about the sudden drop in and then leaving after we just s-shared feelings this way. B-But I still have to attend to my duties."

You waved him off. "Hey. No worries. I'm just glad we were able to clear this up! You just do what you gotta do."

He again smiled. "Thanks...But a word of advice, you might wanna check in with Sonia next time you see her and see what she knows about zangeese. It might help in the long run."

"I'll do that thanks!"

With that he turned to walk away but paused and turned back to you and walked up to you and grabbed your hand making you pause. "Y/n...I-...I'm really glad you like me too." You froze and he smiled. "I promise I'm going to try to make our first date the best of the century!"

You froze as he gave your hand one final squeeze before turning and taking off towards the taxi. You were still frozen as the corviknight roared and took off blowing wind around everywhere. You still stood there when they were well into the sky and away from you. To the point the Zangoose poked your side to gain your attention as you stared off into space.

"......DID HE JUST SAY DATE!?"

#pokemon shield #pokemon sword #pokemon swsh #pokemon sword and shield #a champion time for the heart #pokemon leon x reader #reader x leon #leon x reader #pokemon leon

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innytoes · 1 year

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Sleepy prompts 👀 10 for Reggie/Carrie?

Set in the Nuclear Apocalypse Bunker AU.

After Reggie got better, things with Carrie got better too. Tía Victoria kept him under observation for another week, but she visited every day, bringing him food and talking to him. When it was just the two of them, she was different. Less tightly wound.

Reggie came back to the rest of the bunker and immediately got pulled into a Molina family group hug, and then another one with Luke and Alex (his parents frowning in the background). Even Trevor gave him a part on the back, smiling. Things were kind of weird between them, seeing as how Trevor kind of saved his life but also kind of broke the rules to do so.

So things settled down again. Reggie returned to his chores, returned to cracking jokes with Willie over the comms, returned to doing whatever he could to make himself useful around the bunker. But now, he got to joke and hang out with Carrie as well. And maybe even, you know, hold hands. They were taking things slow, since they literally had all the time in what was left in the world, but it was pretty awesome.

Which was why he was the one who was pulled aside by Julie. "Hey, have you noticed something off about Carrie?" she asked. For a second, he was offended, like 'she's suddenly likes you now' was something weird and off. But now that he thought about it, she had been more and more tired lately. And snappy, but not like before, not just to him. More like she was having trouble keeping it together with everyone.

"She's been kind of tired," he agreed.

"I'm worried about her," Julie said. "And I think someone should talk to her. Someone like her boyfriend."

He flushed. "Oh we... we haven't... it's not... We haven't labeled it yet." Julie gave him a knowing look. She was like the sister he always wanted, he loved her so much. "But yeah, I'll talk to her."

So, after dinner, that's what he did. Trevor was out... schmoozing, or something. He was usually over at the Mercers or the Pattersons or even the Molinas, or holed up in the comms room talking to people in other bunkers. So he could manage to slip into their pod pretty easily without anyone noticing.

Carrie was in her room. He'd never actually been in Carrie's room yet, and he smiled at how she made the sterile place her own, just like she'd made the pretty standard uniform her own. There were sparkly stars made from food packaging stuck to the walls and ceiling, and little paper origami flowers strung up, and all the sad metal railings had been draped with fabric.

Carrie herself was hunched over her desk in a posture Reggie was very familiar with. It was the same one she used to get in math class, before he started tutoring her. Frustrated but trying not to show it.

"Hey babe," he said quietly, and she whirled around, clutching... a science book to her chest? "Whatcha doing?"

"What are you doing here?" she snapped. But Reggie knew better than to be intimidated by that now.

"Just wanted to check in with you," he said, flopping on her bed. She looked like she wanted to say something about him messing up her bedding, but he just smiled at her. "Missed you. You've been holed up in your room after dinner these past few..." Now that he thought about it, almost as long as he'd been better. "Weeks."

"I've been busy," she said.

"Doing science homework?" he asked. They did get lessons, sometimes. A lot of it was improvised, between the adults here and adults from other bunkers when they had time. Music class from The Trevor Wilson kind of was the coolest thing ever. Ray taught them Spanish, Mr and Mrs Patterson taught them all kinds of stuff about history, modern history, politics... basically what lead up to them being stuck here. Like if the understood, they weren't doomed to repeat it.

The Mercers, when they could be torn away from their Top Secret Whatever in the Bunker taught them science-y stuff like chemistry and physics, and Tía Victoria taught them biology and medicine. But this book was way beyond what Victoria was teaching them. "You aiming for an internship with the Mercers?" he asked. If anyone could talk her way into that top secret lab, it was Carrie.

"Oh very funny, Reginald," Carrie snapped, throwing the book at his head. He dodged, flinching. "We both know I'm not fucking smart enough for that." Part of him wanted to run, but then he saw the unshed tears in Carrie's eyes.

"Babe, you're plenty smart," he soothed.

"No I'm not!" Carrie shouted. "When you got sick I didn't understand a word of Victoria's explanation, and I can't do math, and I heard Mrs Mercer tell Mr Mercer that it was a good thing I was pretty and healthy, so I could be a good wife to Alex and have plenty of babies to keep civilization going, because I was never going to be a scientist." She burst into tears, and Reggie gathered her up in a hug.

"I'm just so tired," she sobbed as he stroked her back. "I don't understand it and I keep rereading the same things and I'm just so tired."

"Okay first of all, fuck what the Mercers think," he said. "They've been stuck in here for years and they still haven't realised their son is gay as fuck." Okay maybe they'd all been helping cover up Alex' conversations with Willie, but it wasn't like he was that subtle. "Also, just like, ew. To all of that." Carrie sniffled her face buried against his chest.

"And second of all, who cares if you're not gonna be a scientist? There's more to rebuilding civilization than scientists." Carrie opened her mouth, probably to say something about being a... a broodmare or whatever creepy philosophy the Mercers had. "You know how to talk to any of the adults here, like an equal. You're literally the only one who understands Mr Patterson when he forgets he's not giving a university Philosophy class, or when figuring out what Mrs Patterson means when we're dissecting what went wrong with the world and politics and stuff."

"But that stuff is easy," she said.

"Yeah, to you!" Reggie hugged her close. "Babe, you're not a future scientist. You're like, the future President. You know how to talk to people, and get them to like you, and you know how they tick." He didn't mention that when she used her powers for evil, like when she'd been mad at him, she was pretty devastating as well. He was pretty sure she knew that. "The world doesn't just need scientists. We also need leaders."

Carrie swallowed hard, rubbing at her eyes. "You mean it?"

"Of course," he said. He leaned down and nuzzled his nose against hers. "Besides, I have my hopes set on being First Husband." She laughed, before looking at him. He flushed when he realised the implications of what he just said.

"I think I can work with that," Carrie said, smiling at him. She sat up. "I should... I should make a list. Talk to Emily. See about connecting with all the other bunkers, start forming relationships with..."

"Okay, POTUS," he said, reeling her in and pulling her back onto the bed. "First, you are going to take a nap. You look exhausted, Carebear. The world, or what's left of it, will still be there for you to conquer tomorrow."

For a moment, he thought Carrie was going to argue with him. "Will you stay?" she asked instead.

"For as long as you want me too," he agreed.

#julie and the phantoms #nuclear apocalpse au #carriexreggie #this got so long and I nearly forgot to include the actual prompt lol #fanfic #I wrote a thing #post apocalypse #yes Carrie does talk with Emily and is newly focused and determined #Julie is like: wtf did you say to her #and Reggie is like: um so just in case this turns out badly and Carrie takes over the world this is all your fault #Reggie 100% thinks about his own future and is like: yeah I'm fine being the bunker's official child care and manual labour and stuff #no science or politics for me thank

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sh3llysh00 · 2 years

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Idk if your still into countryhumans but I'm having chimerica brainrot with YOUR characters rn so if you have literally ANYTHING to share with those two please do

Also I hope your day is going well

OMGOMGHIH HIHII YES I AM STILL VERY MUCH IN THE FANDOM I CANNOT ESCAPE IT!! <3<3

Lots has been happening in my life for the past couple of months, so I have not been able to post much of anything. I haven't drawn much art either, I've been bust with work :(

That all being said, YES! I'M SO HAPPY MY CHIMERICA MAKES YOU HAPPY!! <3<3<3 Here's some angst and fluff

- Ame has Bipolar disorder (type 1) and Borderline personality disorder. It gets worse and worse the more the political parties divide between eachother. (The reason I have this hc is that the two-party system effects American politics, history, and culture across every single state, which is why it's such a prominent traits for my hc of her.) Countryhumans typically don't take medication, it doesn't effect their bodies at all, so little can help. They're too busy to take consistent therapy, but they do see a therapist once a month.

- But they do have coping mechanisms!! Well, said mechanism mainly just her hubby, China :) He helps them a lot, just by being there. He can't be there all the time of course, but he does what he can to help her, and he trusts her friends and family to be there when he can't.

- They both have their mental health problems, and struggle with them daily. It's a subconscious part of their immortal lives. They do the best they can with it and eachother, finding new ways to help.

- They watch Disney movies together, and they do it while snuggling up under a blanket, on the couch, holding eachother and falling asleep with the TV still on low volume.

- Picnic dates during the summer, SO MANY PICNIC DATES!

- Ame visits China every Chinese new year for two weeks and has a little understanding of it cuz she of course have people who celebrate it in their Country, but she does what she can to help do and set up traditions in the big cities <3

- Ame loves warm blankets and sweaters, so China always gets them as gifts with whatever excuse he can find <3<3<3

- China really likes reptiles and bugs, he just thinks they're neat, so Ame will get toys, food, new pets, new cages, etc. for him :)

- If they're not already visiting eachother or sitting next to eachother at meetings, they're calling/facetiming, texting, etc. It gets very annoying to their friends very quickly, lmao.

- Ame will make suicidal jokes sometimes and China will just say "no."

- They both hate their governments and bond over it <3

- The trade war is just them hate fucking. I do not take criticism.

That's all I can think of for now, I'm sorry. I had an 8 hour shift today and I'm very tired </3 I probably already mentioned a few of these before, but that just means they're EXTRA CANON IN MY CHVERSE!!

#countryhumans #chimerica #countryhumans chimerica #shelly answers #shelly's headcanons

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m-notes · 2 years

Text

'Going home or visiting your homeland?'

Whenever I think about travelling to see my family & friends, I always get thoughts about how foreign I might feel in the place where I'm from. I am fully aware that there are plenty of immigrants that are constantly homesick which leads to being happy and confident when it comes to travelling to the place where they grew up. Unfortunately, I am not one of them, I always have doubts, and many times visiting Latvia felt like a chore even though I do in fact love the country I'm from.

But I have always felt that I never really belonged in my hometown which is why moving to Norway was so easy in the first place. Each trip to Latvia had been giving me anxiety for the past nearly 6 years until my most recent trip which happened after 3 years of not visiting at all. That was finally the experience that I could call fully fun.

Don't get me wrong, my past visits were great as well, but there was always this bitter aftertaste because of small things that happened. Or constant anxiety about what could happen. I clearly remember counting days till I would return back to my routine in Norway. I was willing to kiss the Norwegian soil the moment I stepped on it. That just didn't feel right.

As I am typing this text right now, I also feel how the tables have turned. For the first time ever I felt I was dreading coming back to Norway. Not in a too substantial way. Simply because it meant returning to my routine, my stress & the worries that everyone has. Basically the real "coming back from vacation" experience. How did it change so much?

Well, probably not visiting motherland for 3 years had something to do with it. I felt like I was suddenly disconnected from my past worries there. I felt free, sort of? I was not reminiscing too much. I was experiencing new things or re-discovering old ones instead.

It truly felt like a real vacation for once. At the same time it also was my first great experience of "going home". I can't really say "going home" without using brackets because I have reached the point of Norway being my main home quite long ago.

A few more things made the most recent visit very special. I can talk about the tourist experience I've had (and I mean real tourist activities, not just taking a stroll in the Old Town once), I can talk about how a lot of things changed including my family moving away (but not far at all) from my place of growing up. Or I can talk about the people that have been surrounding me. That's actually a very interesting bit.

Besides my family, I haven't spent time with a single person who I used to hang out with before my moving to Norway. All of them are the people I had been acquainted with for some years before that, but we actually became very close only during past 5 years. There is some special sort of magic in that.

Not being defined by the kind of person I used to be; not being haunted by the ghosts of the past (this sounds more dramatic than I meant it lol); still getting to know each other as adults instead of just catching up and bringing up irrelevant memories.. I can go on, but what I really need to say is that I really appreciated how it felt.

Adult friendships that are not based on growing up together are so cool and precious. You end up getting close with people when your own persona is almost fully established, & setting up the right boundaries. You're not feeling vulnerable because you do indeed have a decent judgement on who's here to gain something from you & hurt you or who's here to be here for you as you are here for them. And if we're talking adult friendships within my most recent experience, one thing I really appreciate is how relaxing it feels to spend time with the people I've become really close with only during past few years. You're just straight up vibing, you spend time learning & experiencing new things together which inevitably leads to discussing them in process or afterwards, so you get to know each other on a different level which feels so great. At the same time it's also wonderful to spend time together in silence, just enjoying the weather, the views, the music — everything that surrounds you, knowing that there is a big chance you're perceiving this exact moment in a very similar way.

Another interesting thing to experience was seeing how my family has changed. I mean, they literally grew up. That often is a very stressful bit because before each visit it always feels like they are going to treat you as a kid you were when you moved away. But it was just not cool of me to underestimate them like that, to be honest. I grew up and so did they. I have my own life, habits & views, and they respect it. They are more fun to spend time with as we're reaching the age of deeper mutual understanding even though I have always enjoyed their company. All I felt while spending time with them was warmth & comfort.

Finally, I have to mention how the choice of season really affected this trip. Being in Latvia in October is something I wish to do more often (sucks that there's only one October per year, right?). Not only it's great to enjoy the falling leaves of all possible colors & crisp cold air, but it's also very inspirational. This period there has always been my favourite, I don't remember a single October in Latvia in my life I didn't enjoy. I do romanticise this period & it seems to romanticise me back.

Answering the question that I posed in the title, namely 'Going home or visiting your homeland?' is very difficult. In one hand, it was a completely new experience, full of activities that locals usually don't do, nor do the immigrants who really come home (instead, they simply run errands most of their time in their hometown what I used to do too). On the other hand, this was the cosiest experience that I definitely associated with the great comfort of coming back home.

For once, I'm really looking forward to doing it again.🍂

#immigration #immigrants #homesweethome #moving abroad #moving to norway #norway #living abroad #latvia #Riga #goinghome #friends #friendship #adultfriendship #memories

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hussyknee · 2 years

Text

Really struggling with self-hate. Intellectually I know this is due to anxiety and stress, and the past month has been pure chaos trying to look after Garfield.

Garfield is my neighbor's cat. Well, not anymore. He's mine now. He was sick as shit and they still weren't looking after him properly, hand-wringing over everything from lack of experience with cats to the fuel crisis. Certainly were quite happy to palm him off on me, because "he's not really ours, you know, he's a stray that found us a few years ago and the kid got fond of him". By the time I got him to the vet he was half-dead from...well, everything. He had cat flu, filaria, a tick fever that had burned through so many red blood cells it couldn't raise a temperature anymore, kidney damage and so dehydrated the needle could barely pierce his skin. I have no idea how he's alive. Well, I do, it's because he's a very tenacious little kitty and I took him to the clinic every day for a week for IVs, and kept him in my room and nursed him till I exhausted myself into an IBD flare. He relapsed twice. Then last week he seemed to have recovered enough that I was the sicker one, but then this week he started getting acute kidney failure, so we're back at the daily vet treatments.

I raised money for him on Twitter and some wonderful people sent enough to cover his medical bills, but the transport and food costs alone burned through all my money. I've been too exhausted and stressed to track my expenses or do my accounts, I flat broke by the beginning of the week and have had to ask my therapist for pro bono sessions from her clinic.

She's been a godsend, being a cat-lover herself, but also I might have alarmed her somewhat. Like, the whole reason I sought her out was because. Well, it was a last ditch effort really. The country situation and me going off my ADHD meds last month because I couldn't afford them didn't help (uh, protip: do not do that. Even if they're non-stimulants, like mine), but at one point I had made up my mind that if Garfield died it would be A Sign from the universe. Also when she asked me to check myself into a hospital if I felt like I couldn't trust myself, I was puzzled and said "why would I kill myself on impulse, it'll take weeks to get everything together if I was going to, I don't want to end up a vegetable". Which wasn't reassuring apparently? Neither was "Anyway, I can't top myself, Garfield is still sick." 😬

I'm still not sure what was so off about those responses, they still make sense to me. But my therapist wanted to set up a protocol and figure out avenues of physical support. Unfortunately, my family is estranged, only 3 of my closest friends live anywhere near me, and they're all also up shit creek. One of their mothers died a few days ago and I still haven't been able to visit. She's been so understanding and sweet about it, but when I tell you I feel like a shitheel.

I just. I don't know anymore. Gar's eating and drinking and the only outward sign that he's sick is the increased lethargy and sneezing. But his respiratory infection just isn't going away. As long as that persists, his kidneys can't get better, but giving him antibiotics for so long isn't doing them any favours either.

I'm using up all my energy caring for him but I don't see an end to it. My neighbors haven't been answering my messages, and anyway I'm damned if I trust them to look after him again. I tried so hard to find a caregiver for him while I was sick earlier this month, the tweeps sent even more money to offer one, but I couldn't.

In many wayos, caring for Garfield saved me from the black pit of despair I fell into after the protests unravelled. But now I feel so trapped. I haven't seen my doggos (they're with my ex) since June. I miss my other kitty cat (he's Mum's, but again I'm the only one who does more than coo at him). I miss having a life. My room and bathroom stink, and everything is chaos. I haven't sat down at my own desk in a month. And I'm still so scared this will all be for nothing and he'll die. I'm scared I'll have to make the choice to let him go. I refused to give up on my baby doggo boy two years ago, and as a result, instead of going peacefully in his sleep, I had to watch him go into acidosis and listen to his death rattle for an hour before the vet could get to us and sedate him through the final stretch. I will never let my selfishness do that to another animal. But I don't know if I'll survive having to let Gar slip away in my arms, after all these weeks of listening to his every breath. That still feels like it would be the tipping point.

I can't shake the idea that he would have recovered so much better and faster in someone else's hands. Someone healthy and abled and competent. Someone whose best efforts aren't so poor, pitiful and inadequate as mine. Everyone in my life deserves so much better than me.

#tw suicide ideation #depression #cw pet death #tw pet illness #cw animal neglect #knee of huss

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skylabrea · 1 year

Text

I have a lot of ideas

Watching the TMNT AU competition and the Peepaw competitions and seeing all the different ways people see how different stories could turn out, while can be overwhelming at first, it's helped me want to show own ideas for different AUs. And I really really want to share my ideas with everyone, even if it's only interesting for a few people. (And yes, these AUs are for ROTTMNT, I love these kids so much)

So right now I only have two AU worlds that I've been kinda building for the past few months and I'm still working out details. One is a separated AU and the other is an apocalypse AU (that is kinda turning into an alternate way for how the movie could have played out and slightly kinda into a peepaw AU).

The separated AU is what if it was Leo and Raph that were missing and Donnie and Mikey were raised by Splinter.

The turtles are with Splinter for a scavenging trip and Splinter has the tots in a backpack while he's gathering food from dumpsters. Leo gets out of the backpack and Raph quickly follows after Leo, leaving Donnie and Mikey stuck in the bag. Then someone comes into the alley and Splinter runs, not noticing he's missing two turtles. Raph tries to lead Leo back to their dad but they can't find him and instead are found by the Foot Clan. The Foot Clan recognizes the turtles as Yokai and make a plan to use the turtles in a ritual to extract the Empyrean from the turtles, which would result in killing them. A recruit assigned to watch them quickly grows attached and runs with the tots, hiding somewhere in the city.

When Splinter realizes Raph and Leo are lost he tries to look for them, but they're gone and after months of looking comes to the conclusion that his missing sons are dead. Instead of falling into a deeper depression he represses down his feelings and focuses all his energy into raising the two sons he has left.

Meanwhile the now ex Foot Recruit is doing their best to raise two mutant turtles that they stole from the Foot Clan. They do what they can for Raph and Leo, bouncing from job to job and living in a rundown apartment building with their smuggled children. They don't have a lot but they put everything they can into raising Leo and Raph and, when they're a little older, training them to fight in case the Foot Clan ever finds them. They live in the same apartment building as April's family so Raph and Leo end up meeting April when they sneak up to the roof to play basketball one night when Raph's seven and Leo is six.

The turtles reunite through April. April's eleven, walking home from school one day when she sees two kids rooting around in the dumpsters. She walks up to them and asks what they're doing and they freak out and try to hide but April sees the green skin and the three fingered hands and is quickly reminded of Raph and Leo. The kids run to an open manhole cover and April chases after them, calling for them to come back. She's tries to tell them she knows kids just like them but they call her a liar, right until April pulls out her phone and shows them a picture of her with Leo and Raph. The kids are speechless, and April offers to introduce them to Leo and Raph but they refuse. April does get their names though, Donnie and Mikey, and April gives Donnie her phone number and promises to visit when she can and that if they want she'll still introduce them to Raph and Leo. April leaves the sewers and Donnie and Mikey head home to think about what happened while April goes to tell Raph and Leo what she saw.

I have a lot more ideas but that's the main concept so far. I'm calling this Missing Primaries, cause blue and red are primary colors. I haven't decided on Foot Recruit's name but I do have a bunch of little story ideas about the turtles growing up, both Raph and Leo and Donnie and Mikey.

The apocalypse AU is the one that I have the most planned out for right now. I was driving and listening to music when I got the idea, Why should Leo get most of the parental rights? and Casey couldn't have been the only apocalypse baby the family got attached to. Thus this AU was born.

It starts when Casey Jr is three and Donnie goes out on a simple scavenging mission with April and some other resistance members. They're attacked and Donnie separates from the group to buy them time to get to safety. In the fight Donnie's tracker is busted and they lose him for two weeks. Everyone is upset and about to give up hope of finding Donnie alive when Donnie's tracker starts working again. Leo, Raph, and Mikey rush out to meet Donnie and find him in a sinkhole pit. Donnie's banged up and missing half a leg, and has a three year old little girl attached to his side. Raph has to pick up the kid so that they can move Donnie cause the kid keeps hissing at them and tried to bite Leo when he got close.

They get both of them back to the base and have April handle the kid while they treat Donnie. The kid won't speak and April is trying to get them to open up when Cassandra walks into the room and asks April to watch Casey Jr for her. April tries to refuse when Cassandra just leaves Casey with her and disappears. April is fuming but Casey is already talking with the girl and the kid is quietly talking back to Casey, and April just watches the toddlers interact while taking notes on anything the kid says that might be important.

When Donnie wakes up in the med bay, he immediately starts calling out for V. His brothers are confused at first then Mikey quickly pieces together that V must be the kid Donnie was with. They tell Donnie the kid is fine and with April and Donnie tries to climb out of bed to find her, and falls over due to him missing half of one of his legs. Leo and Raph try to calm Donnie down while Mikey runs to find April and the kid. When Mikey finds them he tells April that Donnie's awake and the kid is demanding Mikey take her to Donnie, while also clinging to one of Casey's hands and refusing to let go. They take the kids to the med bay, where Donnie is still fighting his brothers trying to get out of the room, and the kid runs over to Donnie and tackles him as hard as she can (which isn't very hard). Donnie stops fighting as he hugs the kid and the kid starts crying. Donnie calms the kid down as the rest of them look at Donnie in shock, while Casey rushes over to Donnie and tries to help Donnie calm down his new friend.

After a while the kids are worn out and Donnie is back in the medical cot with both toddlers sleeping on him. Everyone has questions and when Mikey asks what's the kid's name Donnie explains that she didn't have one so he called her V. When asked what V stands for Donnie admits it's for Violet, and April refuses to let Donnie name this kid after color (just cause Splinter got away with it for a few years doesn't mean Donnie will). After a long talk and a look at an old baby book they name the kid Valerie and Valerie becomes Donnie's kid, just like how Casey is Leo's kid. (April and Cassandra do take over on child care when the boys are all busy but all the boys do their best to help raise both kids).

Casey and Valerie are fast friends and when Casey's fourth birthday is being celebrated Casey asks Valerie when her birthday is and she tells him she doesn't have one. Casey is upset by this and tells her that she can share his birthday then. Leo jokes that that would make them twins and, after they are told what twins are and how Leo and Donnie were twins, the toddlers cling to this idea that they are twins too. Donnie acts like he's pissed at Leo for giving the kids this idea but he secretly finds it adorable.

I have a whole timeline written out and story plot ideas but I want to keep those a surprise for later. I started calling this Donatello's Daughter and I have an alternate name for it too but that's for later. I do plan on writing about each of these AUs and posting about them some time in the future but right now I just want to get the ideas out there so maybe I can talk about them with anyone that is interested in knowing more about them.

❤️💜💙🧡

#rottmnt #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt fanart #rise of the tmnt #riseofthetmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise raph #rise leo #rise donnie #rise mikey #rise april #rise splinter #rise oc #I swear I've rewrote this whole summary five times to try and get it smaller each time #I am not good at summarizing #I just want to talk about all of these ideas #my writing #tmnt au competition #peepaw showdown

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miscelunaaa · 1 year

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Post it on your tumblr please I've read all the chapters here.

So um, yeah, I'm really sorry, but no. That's just above my emotional bandwidth right now. I already tried posting it here and I got nothing but cricket noises for two chapters and the fucking masterlist. I had a handful of really wonderful folks who'd read it and left comments on it on AO3 already give it some love here but like, no new readers that I could see otherwise doing more than just liking it on Tumblr or even ignoring that it existed. That doesn't tell me that they actually read any of it. That's fine. I'm not obligated to feedback. While the silence wasn't a complete surprise given how much interaction has tapered off for my writing since going on hiatus for a few months and then coming back, it was still rather jarring after how it took off on AO3?? I just really don't have the bandwidth to go through all of the hassle and stress of formatting my notes and warnings (of which there are many for this series) for Tumblr when it's accessible on AO3 if you've got an account. I simply don't have the energy to post it here, especially if it's not being read by anyone here.

To put this in perspective with how my day to day life has been going, not that anyone deserves more explanation for why I haven't been more expedient in posting or for why I've decided not to post it here:

I'm working my ass off getting underpaid to do freelance editing work as a day job and I'm struggling constantly with trying to make sure I maintain safe and sane boundaries around that sort of work for myself. I'm also taking on more responsibilities with an institution I'm involved with in a town nearby where I live. I care deeply about what they're trying to do and they need someone younger and able-bodied to do the shit I'm willing to do with/for them. I'm also adjusting to a new medication and it has singlehandedly slaughtered my sleep schedule over the past calendar week and I haven't been able to get more than six or seven hours of poor-quality sleep a night, if that. I'm averaging four. I live in the United States, where it is currently the Holiday Season. I belong to a high liturgical christian church for which Christmas is a major feast. I have large family I haven't seen all in one place in over two years and I'm traveling to visit them soon. Like, I'm sorry. Editing a fic I want to make sure comes out right when I post it just needs more time than I am currently able to give it this week, and probably even next week.

You can say that you've read it all here, and that's fine, but like, I've already talked about why I'm not posting it here any longer. You've read only two chapters here. I've talked about this fic a lot, I've dropped links to the damn thing AO3 constantly. It's in like four places at any given time on my blog. If this story is a big deal to you and you care about it, you've had plenty of opportunities to go read it on AO3. It's been posting there since July.

I wanted to be kinder than this, because I don't see the point in being short or critical with folks who just aren't with it for whatever reason. I'm not angry. You are, however, catching me at a particularly bad moment. I'm tired. I've had a spiraling, depressive episode working on me for 24 hours. I finally cried it out with my husband over the past two. If I extend kindness to a person by responding to a question most other writers would likely ignore, I do expect to at the very least have it returned.

I know you likely didn't mean for this to come off poorly, but let this be a lesson to you and anyone else reading that sometimes you just have exercise more care than this. You never know what's going on on the other side of the screen.

#asksss #anonymoose #fic:sacrificial

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