#i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

melrosing · 1 month

Note

Sorry if you’ve talked about this before but I can’t find it if you have. What are your thoughts on Jaime’s role in the Tysha situation?

I don't think I have actually talked about this at any particular length before?? which is weird bc i have thought about it a lot but to quickly summarise before launching into it:

I think Jaime's part in this is a human failing. it wasn't a malicious or spiteful act, but an ignorant one

that said, I think it's basically unforgivable regardless. Tysha and Tyrion are the only people who could forgive him for this and even if Tyrion does, I really doubt we'll ever learn Tysha's feelings on the matter

imo the way in which Jaime ultimately decides to come clean is near enough the cruelest thing he does, even if he didn't mean it to be

so first off, I don't think Jaime has ever truly believed that Tyrion couldn't be loved (in the romantic sense, anyway). Jaime himself is someone who loves despite appearances, and it seems he knows pretty soon after telling Tyrion the lie about Tysha that it wasn't really a kindness, but in fact the worst thing he's ever done (so far!!)

I also think if it hadn't been for what Tywin subsequently put Tyrion and Tysha through with the guards, Jaime would've come clean shortly after telling the lie. but after that, no doubt it felt almost impossible to do so, because the damage was now outsized and there was little chance Tyrion and Tysha would be able to return to what they had.

but he does tell the lie to begin with, and I think that is because Jaime lives in an ableist society and is touched by the stink. he loves Tyrion and Tyrion's disability has never impeded that love, but it has meant that Jaime has failed him many times, sometimes without even knowing he has. for one thing, I think he has failed to realise just how much Tyrion has suffered through childhood. he comes to some revelation following his maiming at the hand of the mummers:

Sometimes he even wept, until he heard the Mummers laughing. Then he made his eyes go dry and his heart go dead, and prayed for his fever to burn away his tears. Now I know how Tyrion has felt, all those times they laughed at him. (JAIME IV, ASOS)

however, it suggests that whilst Jaime has never been laughing with 'them', the full extent of his understanding has necessarily been limited. besides that, I think Jaime has always been in a unique position where he could have definitively stood up to Tywin and Cersei in terms of how they treat Tyrion - he alone had the ability to withhold something until they did so, whether that be love or obedience. but obviously he lets his fear of his father/codependency with Cersei get in the way of that, so.

he's also carelessly partaken in ableism without thinking, indeed in front of Tyrion - whether that's in calling him 'the Imp' (something Tyrion can reclaim but Jaime certainly can't), or this fucking gem:

"Even if the boy does live, he will be a cripple. Worse than a cripple. A grotesque. Give me a good clean death." Tyrion replied with a shrug that accentuated the twist of his shoulders. "Speaking for the grotesques," he said, "I beg to differ. Death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities." (TYRION I, AGOT)

again, doesn't really matter if Jaime has been able to push past some of the ableism others have adopted, the stink is still on him.

so, when Tywin dictated the lie he wanted Jaime to tell, I can imagine he was in two minds. on the one hand, Jaime loves Tyrion, wants Tyrion to be happy, and would be pleased if Tyrion found happiness with someone who truly loves him back. once again, Jaime himself loves despite appearances, and so I don't think he would ever have found it inconceivable that Tysha honestly loved Tyrion.

but again, he lives in an ableist society, and so when Tywin tells Jaime that Tysha's love was cynical, that might have seemed possible, too. Jaime has grown up in a world that has called Tyrion a monster since birth. it doesn't matter if Jaime doesn't think Tyrion is a monster; he knows that much of the world does, and accepts (if only for a time) that Tywin's assessment of Tysha could be true.

then there's the fact that once Tywin has made a decision, perhaps Jaime thought Tyrion and Tysha's relationship was a lost cause; besides that, if Tysha were taking advantage, Jaime doesn't want Tyrion to be hurt by it. hence, "a kindness". it's all deeply flawed logic, but again, this isn't about malice or spite on Jaime's part: it's ignorance mixed up ableism, and human failing.

then ofc, Tywin does what he does to Tyrion and Tysha and that's it. Jaime figures there's no way he could tell Tyrion the truth now without causing him even greater pain, and keeps quiet for the foreseeable future, retaining that as one of his very deepest regrets. because Jaime knows near enough immediately that he was lying to himself as well: he knows full well that Tyrion can love and be loved, and yet he propagated Tywin's lie..... for what.

could get into the absolute fucking tragedy of Jaime and Tyrion, practically the only two out of the Tywin/Cersei/Jaime/Tyrion quartet with a genuinely uncomplicated, loving relationship, having their love turned to poison by the worst dad of all time. but another time

then to move into ASOS: look like I don't know if it was ever the right thing to tell Tyrion the truth once the thing was done. I can see both sides: one, Tyrion deserves to know that he can be loved, and has been loved. two, how the fuck is Tyrion supposed to feel knowing the truth, and that his whole life he's been living a lie.

but I think the biggest problem is that Jaime doesn't really reckon with that so much as his own desire to be honest and do right and come clean etc. he certainly knows how much he risks hurting Tyrion or else he wouldn't have kept quiet all this time, but it seems at least part of it is about honesty for the sake of cleansing himself rather than doing right by Tyrion.

he also. forgets to apologise??

"For your gold, Father said. She was lowborn, you were a Lannister of Casterly Rock. All she wanted was the gold, which made her no different from a whore, so . . . so it would not be a lie, not truly, and . . . he said that you required a sharp lesson. That you would learn from it, and thank me later . . ." "Thank you?" Tyrion's voice was choked. "He gave her to his guards. A barracks full of guards. He made me . . . watch." Aye, and more than watch. I took her too . . . my wife . . . "I never knew he would do that. You must believe me." (TYRION XI, ASOS)

like I think Jaime is honestly sorry. he's afraid to tell Tyrion because he's sorry, he accepts Tyrion's punch because he's sorry, etc. but he never manages to actually say it, he's too busy trying to make himself understood. he wants Tyrion to understand why he did what he did, and it's like. why would Tyrion give a fuck why right now, he'd trying to reckon with the impact it's had on him, and the fact that he and Tysha lost their happiness together and suffered so horribly for nothing.

so whilst I think it's human to botch an apology like this, to be so busy trying to explain yourself you forget to apologise at all, and that you're meant to be centring the victim of your wrong. but it is still fucking wrong lol. Jaime gets it so, so wrong.

all of that to say, I don't think Jaime has ever wanted to hurt Tyrion, but he has - he has hurt him badly. doesn't negate his love for Tyrion - it says in his own POV that Cersei and Tyrion are the two people he cares most about in the world. but he fucks it. partly because of the ableist society he lives in, partly because of the toxic family dynamic he's part of, and partly because he's human, and that's the tragedy.

#ask #jaime lannister #tyrion lannister #asoiaf

64 notes · View notes

cyberpunk-20xx · 9 months

Text

Hey hey

Hey

Johnny Silverhand's not cool

Johnny's disabled. Johnny had a military issued chrome forced onto him. Johnny treated himself like shit and probably smelled like shit too for it.

Do you think he got therapy for it? No I don't mean mental therapy I mean physical therapy, for the arm, I mean do you think he got physical therapy for a metal arm shoved onto a wound (I don't expect the wound was taken care of anymore than what was strictly practical no of course not), no no he wasn't given therapy, he wasn't given time to adapt, his trauma at losing a trustworthy friend on the field was just stacked with the trauma of just being weaponized even more before being put back on the field for a fucking pointless war, so that means-

I mean you know about amputation? No? No, right, of course not, it'd be weird, right? To know about amputation and implants and prothesis and the psychological impacts in detail you'd need to have read up on it, pretty obsessively at that, too, that's not normal, normal people don't do that, what kind of weirdo has hyperfixations about that because of OCD right? Right.

Well amputations are so fucking traumatizing even if they save your life. Of course they are. It's a part of your body. Your body is not supposed to see its insides and it's not supposed to lose parts either, your brain can't actually compute that, like let's say, cutting your nails?

They put a metal arm on him like cutting nails, they didn't care, he wasn't a person to them he was a tool.

He never got physical therapy for it. He never went to have it recalibrated or maintained. Why would he? I don't even think he knows what model it is. Do you think they bothered telling him? Do you think they gave him a little booklet for "how to take care of your new implant"? Ahahahah of course not that'd be so fucking silly and kind and thoughtful. Of course not.

Johnny needs his addictions. Do you think he has prescribed medicine for the chronic pains that the arm causes him? No of course not. Do you think he started drinking and taking Lace because it was fun? Because it was cool? Because he was gonna be a rockerboy? And he wanted to impress girls.

In the real world, as of 2020, the first cause of mortality in the USA is opiates, and the main demographic is white men, aged 30 to 60, roughly, a large amount of those men war veterans, cumulating psychological trauma even prior to the addiction, even prior to the army itself, cus the majority of people who join the military do it to escape poverty and a dysfunctional household. It's a well oiled machine because at worse they go back to the motherland and die quietly of OD or something else, or best case scenario they have kids! And some of those kids are boys, and out of middle class recrutes, a good part are from military families!

It's a system that works just as designed really.

America, abuse and neglect of your chronically ill and chronically in pain is part of your DNA currently.

Johnny's not cool. He runs hot, he's a fucking spoonie who ran out of spoons before he even joined the military so now all he's got is knives. Knives knives nothing else nothing but knives. Johnny's a man overheating on constant, he's been dying for years, he likely has fevers from his port inflammatory's issues due to neglect, he doesn't know how to take care of himself, he wasn't taught, it's not expected of him, no one in his entourage sees him as what he is, do you remember for one second someone treating him like he was disabled and needed accomodation?

Disabled people whose chronic pains are not given the deserved care are most likely to develop the hardest addictions to cope with it, with the physical pain, and the psychological consequences- namely, psychosis, psychosis is a common consequence for having your pain ignored because this kind of neglect breaks your psyche at its core, at its sense of self.

Johnny has all the symptoms of a man in pain but because American soft power made drug abuse cool people think he's cool for drinking and fucking and killing and coking himself up until he blows himself up. Johnny's not cool, he's a tragedy, he's hurt, he's self-medicating, no he's not going to go cold turkey because he loves Kerry or because he loves your V, love isn't going to fucking save him, if you just erase Johnny's addictions because you think love fixes that honestly fuck you, because I'm tired of people just treating addiction like a bad spot to bleach out of sight, like it's got no roots and it's got no continuation, to no longer need self-medication Johnny would need reparation and better treatment, especially if he's brought back with that fucking arm, why do people not get that he didn't reclaim the arm, he let it take over, for fuck's sake he canonically blames all HIS bad deeds on The Hand, that's not reclaiming, that's self-sabotage.

Johnny dies like a pathetic pawn in Blackhand's plan, and even among people who were supposed to be his own, he's not seen as anything but a hero or a monster. No inbetween. He's not a man to them. He's something to workship, and if he doesn't grant them miracles he's the Devil.

What a load of bullshit.

Fuck, Johnny's not cool. Johnny needed help but didn't even want it because he was so full of violence and hatred he killed himself. But he deserved better nonetheless.

#cyberpunk 2077 #johnny posting #cyberpunk 2077 johnny silverhand #johnny silverhand #cyberpunk 2077 johnny #cp77 #cp2077 #thoughts #i'm upset about how we're taking this bs man at face value when he's so fucking pathetic and i don't mean that as an insult.

324 notes · View notes

am-i-the-asshole-official · 13 days

Note

AITA for ignoring a dog?

title sounds bad but idk how to phrase it. I (25f) live in the sticks, middle of nowhere. like twenty minutes from a gas station, dirt road off a dirt road. my community is VERY small, so I know almost everyone and their dogs/cats.

I knocked doors (think Get Out the Vote type stuff) for work for years. I love that kind of work, I am so excited to eventually get back to it. but an unfortunate side effect has been that I am scared of dogs that I don't know. most dog owners ime don't train them. even when the dogs are friendly, I am worried w them bc I am disabled and getting knocked down can seriously injure me more easily than most. I still love dogs IF I know them, and actually have one myself.

i was on my way home from work and saw this very fancy, purebred dog in a field. it was a larger dog, one of the kinds where they crop the tail and ears (I think it's mean to do this but irrelevant). I'd never seen it before, my community is poor and idk anyone who even has the money for a dog like that, and I'd have remembered if I'd seen it before bc it's so strange for here. It had a collar, and was in a big field miles away from any houses without anyone around. so it was clearly lost, and probs belongs to someone's family member/friend from a big city.

I kept driving. I wanted to stop for it, bc it's clearly someone's dog, not from the area, and probably not aware of country life. cars go by fast on the paved roads, there's bears, coyotes, wolves, ticks, etc. and it's a very northern place so it's still cold enough to where I have a timer going when I let my dog out so her paws don't freeze.

I didn't stop bc 1.) idk this dog, so I was nervous about it, 2.) if I did stop and it wasn't aggressive towards me, how would I know it wouldn't be towards my dog or my cats? 3.) we don't have shelters here just bc the community is so small so idk what I'd do w it if I couldn't find the owners and I really can't take in another animal atm- financially, food would be fine but I wouldn't be able to cover an extra vet bill if something awful happened, and don't have the time to re-home an animal responsibly and 4.) I'm gonna be honest, it was Friday, the work week was really long, it was cold, and I was having a rough day and ready to get home and relax.

I feel like an asshole bc I always stop and pick up my neighbors dogs when they get out bc there's so much dangerous shit here, between wildlife, cars and the cold.

#aita #am i the asshole

60 notes · View notes

locallixie · 11 months

Text

it’s a sign! — jongho

> summary . an unexpected romance was still able to blossom despite the silence between you and him.

> genre . fluff, high-school au, mutual pining, deaf!reader, reader and wooyoung are siblings, gn!reader.

> warnings . none

(wc) > 3.6k

(sunny’s note) ☆ description of hand movements (signing) will be in korean sign language (ksl), i’ll try my best to be as general yet accurate as possible to not offend anyone. i felt exhausted these last few weeks, so i apologize for slow uploads.

Quiet, it has always been so quiet. Never heard the sounds of calm waves, or the voice of your loved ones. You didn't even know how your name was pronounced. However, you liked how quiet it was. Your ears naturally already tuned out everything, easier to sleep peacefully that way, easier to focus since there wasn't any loud sounds bothering you. It was a blessing in a curse, being deaf for you.

Your family predominantly used sign language to communicate, but speaking was still a big part between your parents and your older brother, they didn't want you to feel left out. Cochlear implants were put in consideration before, however, they were quite expensive and your parents were unsure if you were ready for it yet. So for now, you would stick with the pre-existing silence.

Of course, going to school was a struggle when you have a disability. You couldn't rely much on your peers, the pacing of each subject was different but all were equally difficult to keep up when you weren't able to listen in with the lecture. It was scary going into middle school as a deaf kid, yet, it was another kind of terror to go into high school.

"You okay?" Wooyoung asked verbally while signing at the same time. Though this was your third year already, the sound of your heart felt like it was the first day of school. Riddled with anxiety, you hesitated to leave your brother. But you nodded nonetheless, half not wanting to further bother him, half just wanting to get everything over with.

"Text me if you need anything." Your brother signed to you before bidding goodbye. There was a new homeroom teacher this year, and some of your classmates from last year were also changed around. Which meant you were back in the position of having to familiarize yourself with everyone, and having to inform people that you were deaf all over again.

Your friend changed homeroom this year, you wouldn't be able to see him too often then. You barely know anyone here, either because some of them were newcomers or you just haven't met them before. The new people looked oddly intimidating, maybe it was the anxiety talking? But there was something about them that made them seem unwelcoming.

Laying on your desk, tired from the night before since you didn't get a good night sleep. Too anxious to go to school, worried that you might overslept, or ruin your uniforms. All the worst case scenarios kept popping into your head, not letting you rest until you worn yourself out and fall asleep.

A subtle vibration sent across the surface of your desk, gently notifying you of something, a presence. You weren't expecting anyone to approach you, since everybody were occupied with their own businesses, you minded your own too. You saw his lips moving, but you could not make out anything he was saying. Terrible at reading lips, and the other person wasn't aware that you were deaf.

He was confused as well by how you were not responding, if you were intentionally ignoring him while maintaining eye-contact. You placed a single notebook on your desk, 'communicating book'—it said on the cover, written in black marker ink. This one was your fifth or seventh one, you have lost count after going through several during middle school up until recently.

'Hi, my name is Jung [Y/N], and I'm deaf so I apologize in advance if I don't response to you immediately. We can talk through this notebook!'—Holding up the notebook to him, the first page was written beforehand. You slid a pen over to him, implying that it was his turn to 'speak'. That was how most of your conversation usually begin, on very rare occasions, you might be lucky enough to meet someone who could speak sign language. But for the majority, you spoke through the pages in your notebook.

The other wrote down something on the next blank page, he then showed it to you, 'Sorry, I didn't know. I'm Choi Jongho by the way, I don't think we have met before.'

Jongho was a new student, he spent the last couple minutes at the assembly to meet the other classmates, he must have missed you back there. Though you did leave with Wooyoung right after the opening ceremony this morning, so you two wouldn't meet either way. You couldn't understand what they were saying, why would you stay there any longer?

You two seem to clicked well, he even invited you to join him for lunch already. It was a bother having to write out everything you wanted to say to him, there were just way too many topics you wanted to share. Yet, he sat there, writing down every single sentence, every thought he had on his mind to keep the conversation going until the bell would eventually break you apart.

"Mom made you lunch, be sure to eat it. Do you want to sit with me and my friends?" Wooyoung spoke along with his hands. Your brother could be quite protective at times, it made sense since you were a deaf kid running around school without one warning sign. If something were to happen to you, he might blow up.

You replied, "No need, I'm sitting with a friend." Taking out the lunch box from your bag, wrapped up delicately in a light blue plaid cloth. You could already smell the pleasant aroma of the grilled chicken your mother prepared.

"You made a friend? That's good. I'll see you later!" He pat you on the shoulder, before leaving your classroom. Jongho was sat at a table, waiting for you by the time you got down to the cafeteria. You spotted him easily by the warm brownish colour of his hair—which stood out from a majority of natural black. You sat down across from him, placing your items on the table. The lunch today didn't look all too bad. Normally you would eat the lunch provided at school, but home-cooked lunch box was a thing your mother did every first day of school, a good luck ritual of some sort.

'You brought your own lunch, what are you eating?' The words displayed on Jongho's phone screen. You shrugged, not knowing for sure. You smelt chicken, and eggs, and stir fried vegetables, that was all you could guess.

Gosh, she went all out with the presentation, you felt bad eating it now that the bear head was made out of brown rice. The vegetables were cut out like stars and hearts, decorative picks were included on top of fruits. You appreciated the effort, but a bit of embarrassment stuck in your stomach. Would the other kids make fun of you for still having your mother make you adorable lunch boxes? You wouldn't know, but you wouldn't enjoy the teasing nonetheless.

Jongho smiled, he even giggled at the sight of your lunch box. "Don't laugh!" Signing towards him, a bashful expression stood on your face.

'It's just so cute~!' He typed out on his phone, chuckling at your pouty face at his comment. At least he didn't make fun of your lunch, its childish appearance simply asking for talks. You got out your utensils that was wrapped with napkins, finally began to ease your empty stomach.

Mid-conversation, Wooyoung came by to disrupt your peace. His intentions were clearer than day, you knew him far too well to be suspicious. He came to check out your new friend, having to meet his approval to continued hanging out with you. As a compromise, he bought you the soda you liked. Though, Wooyoung could freely be as skeptical and disapproving of Jongho all he wanted. Because you, yourself, felt Jongho was genuine.

You let out a dragging sigh, 'Don't mind my brother, he acts up every time I befriend someone new.'—Explaining to the other person after you were sure your brother was a far enough distance from the table you two were sitting.

'You two seems close.'—To which you just nodded and returned to eating. Wether or not these were intrusive thoughts, unwilling to admit the fact that he found you cute when you are frustrated. All pouty and grumpy, your cheeks protruding as they were stuffed with meat, rice, and vegetables. An angry chipmunk was the only suitable comparison.

Though you established many good relationships with your peers, you mostly spent your time hanging out with Jongho. After Jongho's multiple requests of being seated next to you, your homeroom teacher finally agreed to arrange you two together. Would it be better anyways? He could assist you with academic matters when he is closer to you, win-win situation!

‘You’re learning fast!’ You excitedly complimented. Recently, he has been picking up sign language to less burden you with always having to write as your only source of communication. You were glad to help him since he was learning on his own. Again, you slowly signed each character of his name with your hand, getting him familiar with the alphabet.

“Like this?” He asked as he started moving his fingers to sign.

‘Did you just sign my name?’ Jongho only smiled after reading your text, admiring the stunned look on your face. He knew more than you had originally thought, at this pace, he would be fluent in no time!

Feeling a strong vibration ran through your forearm, his phone lit up in a split moment. It was Wednesday afternoon, which meant you had clubs to attend. Jongho held his fist under his mouth as if he was holding a microphone, he was off to practice his singing for the upcoming school festival that his band will be playing at. Before he went, he turned around to look at you one last time as good luck. You just gave him a gentle smile, while moving your opened hand in a circular motion above your fist.

You were contented with the never-ending silence you had been born into, even so, there were definitely times you wished you could hear. After you met Jongho, you have never stressed over your disability more than you were now. Every-time you passed by one of his rehearsals, seeing all the girls and guys cheering him on with so much amazement in their eyes, you couldn't help yourself from feeling left out from the crowd. You have never heard your best friend's voice, and you desperately wanted to.

"[Y/N]!" He couldn't hide his excitement when he spotted you at your desk, calling out your name as he began running towards you. Taken back by how your immediately turned your head to him, like you heard every syllable that he had just now produced.

Jongho leaned on your desk, "Did you hear what I said?" Actually, not quite. Sounds were all over the place, you have never heard your name be spoken up until recently. You took a good week to recover for your cochlear implants, during it, you had gotten a little more used with your family members' voices and the way words were pronounced. However, you would need a lot more time to learn how to talk, and learn to live with all the noises of life.

You have never knew how loud life could become, like how the sound of rain was strangely calming, but the summer of cicadas were annoying. The most pleasant sound to your ears was Jongho's voice, soft and mellow, and full of fondness. That was one of your many exceptions.

"I'm not used to this quite yet." You continued to speak with your hands. You wanted to take your hearing devices off but your mother insisted you keep it on during school, she didn't realize how much that overwhelmed you with all the new noises everyday.

Jongho brought his hand out towards you, opened and asking you for something. A bit stuck, hesitating in seconds before you took off both of your hearing devices and placed them on his palm. Instantly, every and all sounds cut off, washed out and silenced.

Solely his gentle aura remained, smiling at you with the same look as the first time you met. Though you were able to hear now, there was just this special type of noiselessness around Jongho, a comfortable silence where you didn't have to speak to keep things moving. You liked that, you liked that quiet atmosphere when you were with him. Not entirely quiet, your heart kept beating violently, making your whole chest vibrated in an inexplicable excitement. It was calling out his name, and you couldn't even talk.

You were fine with being deaf, but you adored his voice way too much to remain living like that. You would happily trade any and all other noises to only hear his in your ears. As it echoed in the depth of your heart, you wanted to push yourself more with your hearing devices just to listen to him talk and sing to you.

"Better?" He asked in signs.

"So so." Replying, fiddling with the two devices in your hands. There were so much you wanted to say to him, but you couldn't quite express them neither verbally or through signing, they were all too complicated to be accurately translated.

The day of the school festival finally came, and you were most looking forward to Jongho's performance with his band. You came with your brother at first, but then he dipped to go with his friends—which left you wandering alone around school grounds. There were many vendors in the courtyard, selling handmade goods and delicious food items—most of them were operated by clubs, and some were from sponsors that the school invited.

Seeing some of your seniors selling sandwiches, you decided to came by as support. Yeosang was one of your brother's friends who was on the working shift that hour, he immediately greeted you upon seeing your arrival at his food stand. "[Y/N], how are you?"

"I'm good. What kind of sandwich is this?" Yeosang understood sign language quite well, you didn't know how he did, but he did. He was the some of only seniors that you were friends with—though many knew you due to your connections with Wooyoung.

"Just a grilled ham sandwich with cheese and strawberry jam, do you want one? I'll make you a new one." Yeosang put on a pair of disposable plastic gloves. What an odd combo, but it could be one of those rare gems for all you know.

As you were digging into your wallet for money, Yeosang stopped you. "It's okay, it's my treat. Just don't tell anyone." Though you tried paying, Yeosang kept refusing to take any money from you.

Despite the weird mix of ingredients, it was surprisingly tasty. You might ask Yeosang for the recipe to make some at home, or some for Jongho since you couldn't leave him out from experiencing good food. And speaking about Jongho, you haven't seen him at all. You figured that he was caught up with practicing and final rehearsals since his band was the only other performers besides from the indie singer that was invited for a gig.

A song suddenly erupted from your pocket, pulling your phone out as you saw Wooyoung's name above his number, he was asking to face-time you. You placed the phone on a bench before answering, since you couldn't quite speak well and would definitely have to rely on your hands to communicate.

"[Y/N]! Where are you? I'm with Jongho if you want to talk to him!" Wooyoung's face was very close to the camera, almost shoving his nose to screen.

Hearing noises from phones like calls was still a difficulty, and sometimes those darn glitches occurred and messed up everything. You had to tell him to move the camera farther away because you couldn't quite listen in with his voice blasting in the mic, and he all-together looked stupid. "I'm sitting in the courtyard, you left me, asshole!"

"Sorry, sorry, but Seonghwa came to visit so I had to see him." Wooyoung pouted, signing an apology through the screen.

"I want to see Jongho, put him on." You told.

The camera shook violently as your brother ran to Jongho, putting the phone in front of the boy for you to see. There he was, sitting with his lyrics in hand and warming up his vocals. His chestnut hair was styled nicely, he was dressed equally more stylish than he usually was, was that really your best friend? "Jongho, say 'hi' to [Y/N]!"

"[Y/N], I'm glad you came! Are you going to see my performance later?" Enthusiasm obvious through the glints in his sweet doe eyes, under that bad boy exterior which he had on today, your Jongho still shone through.

"I'll be cheering you on in the crowd!" You assured him of your presence during his stage performance soon later. "Good luck!" Before ending the call, you moved your hand in a circular motion above your fist as something extra that you wanted to tell him. Then the call ended, as they could only see your contact flashed on the screen for a split second and fading away afterward.

Jongho turned to his senior, "What did [Y/N] sign at the end? I haven't learn that one."

Wooyoung let out a giggle, patting the younger's shoulders before dropping a bomb. "They said they love you." He gathered with his friends, "Anyways, good luck on your performance, I'll see you!"

Oh...Oh! Jongho was shaking, in a good way. The pressure wasn't about pleasing the crowd, it was about impressing you now—which was so much harder, he really wanted you to have the best of everything. Each step he took leading to the stage, you were the only thing on his mind. This performance have to be perfect, because the one he love was going to be there cheering for him. Though he couldn't spot you between the sea of people, and he was running out of time to do so. Yet, he knew you were there, somewhere. Wherever you were, please know that he felt the same.

"Everyone, let's show some support for our performers!" The crowd began sending applauses throughout the gymnasium, band members pouring out onto the grand stage with their instruments. Taking a few short minutes to get plugged in and in tuned, sound checking the microphone and amps on stage. For the first time in your life, you got to experience your first concert.

It was an original song, God, the lyrics was so him. Jongho did have quite a stage presence there, and oh did his voice sounded amazing. You hated to admit, that hearing him sing was worth all the waiting you did before you got your implants. The sound made your heart vibrated, and everything as well. Speaking metaphorically, it was love, tugging on your heartstrings as some might put it.

After the performance ended, the stage entertainment was on hold for the next ten to twenty minutes to get the other set ready. You used that free time to go find Jongho. When you found him backstage, he was already helping his other bandmates with packing their instruments and bringing amps and cables back to the music room. Not wanting to distract him since those things were heavy, you waited outside for him to finish up with post-performance stuff.

The bassist, a senior that you only have seen in school and have yet to talk to, she spotted you outside. "Are you waiting for Jongho?"

You nodded simply, a bit shy to communicate with new people today. Even though you two have never spoke to each other before, she knew that you were Jongho's friends, because of how often he brought you up in conversation during practices and rehearsal. About how he desperately wanted you to hear his songs, how he wanted to know what your voice sounded like and if you would be a good singer, and how in love he was with you.

"Jongho, hurry up, your lover is waiting for you outside!" No warning, none at all, she yelled out. Filled to the brim with embarrassment, praying that he didn't hear the last part, or wishing that your device was malfunctioning back then so you wouldn't be caught in this situation.

After a few minutes, your heart pacing in your chest, trying your best to remain calm and not lose your mind. Finally, Jongho walked out. You were on the floor, contemplating wether or not you should take off your hearing device after what happened earlier. How could someone caught you lacking like that?

"Hey, sorry for making you wait." Jongho spoke up, scaring you with the sudden emerge of sound after it was quiet for a long while.

"No! Not at all! Should we go check out the vendors together?" You awkwardly asked.

He looked a bit on edge, as if there was something he was concealing away. The smoothies didn't help out with easing him much, and you were unsure of how to bring it up to him. Did the performance not go as planned or something? The silence between the two of you was never uncomfortable like it was now.

"So...um...I love you too." He spilt out. Quietly, lacing his fingers with yours as both your hands hugged each other.

You wanted to sign in reply, but he wouldn't let go so you had to sign with an extra weight. "Who told you?!"

His pointer finger slightly curving against his middle finger which stood up straight, the others curled in. "Wooyoung?! How could he?!"

Jongho technically saved your brother from getting killed, pulling you into his embrace before you could burst and go beat up Wooyoung. He felt nice, like a cuddling bear—at least if you could ignore the studded leather jacket he was wearing. You were hinting him all this time, confessing all of your feelings through sign language. Was it obvious? Definitely. Did he know that it was a sign that you liked him romantically? Eh.

"I love you." He signed back to you.

225 notes · View notes

cookinguptales · 8 months

Text

you know, when I was like... maybe 7ish we had a pizza party at school. they had 2-liters of coke for us, but I remember crying because I wanted diet coke. and all the teachers were like ??? because it's not typical, I'll admit, for kids to want diet drinks. and I was asked, y'know, am I diabetic? do I have blood sugar problems?

no and no.

my dad has trouble digesting sugary drinks. I was never banned from them, I just didn't have the opportunity to drink them often. we only had diet drinks and juice in my house. (and even juice wasn't my favorite.)

so I didn't like coke. it tasted far too sweet to me. it was unpleasant. I wanted a diet coke. and I cried because everyone else had a special-occasion drink they liked but I had to drink coke, which was so unpleasant, until a teacher took pity on me (or got irritated) and got me a can of diet coke from the break room.

and, y'know... for years, I felt embarrassed about throwing a fit about that damn drink. oh, I should have just shut up and drank the coke, or maybe just gone without a drink. it's so embarrassing the way I cried over everything as a child. (and I do mean everything.)

but I understand these days that I was dealing with a fairly traumatic home life (that I constantly tried to tell the adults in my life about, but who told me I was overreacting) as well as being neurodivergent. I understand things like sensory issues and RSD now. I get why everything always felt so overwhelming at that age, why everything felt like it was the end of the world and why I felt like everyone would hate me for every perceived infraction.

what I understand better, though, is that I also cannot digest sugary drinks. it turned out to be something I inherited from my dad. my father and I aren't diabetic or anything; we've been tested many times. we just... don't handle sugar well. and I hadn't been exposed to a lot of sugar back then, but I knew when I had really sugary things, especially in liquid form, I didn't like it. I didn't like the way it tasted and I didn't like the way it made me feel.

we didn't know that I had an actual medical issue back then, or that I probably should have always had low-sugar snacks on hand. that they should have had a diet coke for me from the beginning.

but we knew that I didn't want to drink that soda.

idk, I just... as a kid, I always felt so ashamed of this episode. like I was being purposefully manipulative to get what I wanted. but as an adult, I have a lot more patience and understanding. I hate that we don't just listen to kids. they don't always have the experience to tell us why something is bothering them, but they know that something is bothering them.

I'm thinking now about how long it took me to get diagnosed with my multiple chronic illnesses, and how part of what took so long was the fact that many doctors didn't take me seriously. several of them told my parents they should be taking me to a therapist, not a medical doctor. they thought I was just a kid acting out.

idk. idk. this isn't like... a full meta post or a well-thought-out post about disability or anything, but just... I'm thinking about how from birth, we're taught to ignore what our body is telling us. (especially if we're AFAB.) I'm thinking about how raising a fuss while trying to take care of that body is something that'll get you shamed.

I'm thinking about how sick I got every time I drank juice at breakfast, and how none of that was necessary.

going to school with my spine partially dislocated wasn't necessary. fainting between classes wasn't necessary. hell, going to school with bruises and bites and scratch marks all over my body wasn't necessary.

idk. I don't want kids. for a lot of reasons, really. but sometimes I want to take care of them just so I can listen to them as they learn what their body is telling them and spare them any unnecessary harm I can. :(

#yes this was actually inspired by the fruit post lmao #I really don't know how to tag this uhhh #vent post #cw:#disability #chronic illness #medical abuse #ableism #child abuse

92 notes · View notes

yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt · 8 months

Text

I am Never Not Thinking about Comic Ambrosius y'all

This mf was clearly so obsessed with Ballister, constantly showing up to "thwart" his plans without ever seeming to take it seriously, seemingly just as an excuse to be around him. He acts like a bratty thirteen-year-old with a crush who never got taught to express it properly.

He seems to live in his own little world, where he and Ballister have this silly little Nemesis relationship that's just a part of a game instead of the deeply fractured and tragic thing that it was. Presumably because it's easier to deal with than the guilt.

In the prison scene, he seems to completely ignore when Ballister basically tells him to shut the fuck up, continuing to reminisce fondly as though they're still friends. I really feel like he lives in his own little reality half the time. Living in a little world where they're playing a game of cops and robbers and they're still close deep down, even if he isn't doing it consciously, is a lot easier than acknowledging his guilt and the pain he caused someone he loved.

I think this is the reason he didn't apologize for so long, and also the reason his memory is so shit even before the head injuries. He legitimately cannot remember exactly what happened at the joust. He wanted so hard to believe it was an accident, to live in a world where it was an accident, that his brain created a false reality and erased the parts of his own memories that contradicted that. He didn't even realize that he hadn't apologized. He is horrified to receive that information. His brain constructed a reality where they had already made up, even though he knew they hadn't. His memories got so jumbled between his imagined and true experiences that he just assumed he must have already apologized, because he was sorry, why wouldn't he have?

I'm not trying to say that he was struggling with psychosis, he knew what was and wasn't real. But his brain dealt with guilt and trauma in very disorienting ways, choosing to ignore or erase truths that hurt him.

I can't imagine what their healing journey must have been like. Imagine trying to un-fuck the thing you fucked up the most in your entire life while also learning how to exist without the ability to walk unassisted, and possibly also recovering from brain damage, dysmorphia from your face getting shredded, and a myriad of other injuries. I cannot imagine the self-worth of someone who is being cared for by the person they love the most, who they irreparably hurt, while also feeling like a burden because they are newly disabled and can't yet take care of themselves.

Also it makes me sad when people talk like Blackheart would hate/be cruel to him post-comic like he wasn't willing to die/kill his friend to save him. He'd give him a ton of shit all the time probably but he'd also protect him like a wolfhound change my mind okay I'm done thanks for coming to my Ted talk

#maybe Im neurodivergent and projecting my own tendencies to fictionalize my reality #and my experience with depersonalization and maladaptive daydreaming and how they affect memory #but I feel like I saw so much of that in him which is why I have such a soft spot for him #ambrosius goldenloin #nimona novel #nimona comic #nimona #ballister blackheart #cw unreality

87 notes · View notes

princess-of-the-corner · 10 months

Note

Honestly, one thing to bring up about canon: Adrien only gave his "high road" advice ONCE, when all Lila was doing was "lying about having disabilities" and Marinette seemingly got her Akumatized by obsessing over something that honestly wasn't a big deal, and he NEVER brings it up again after Lila starts targeting Marinette.

Also, the only reason he HELPS Lila is to basically try and negotiate to get her to leave Marinette alone. He does not bend over backwards to encourage her behavior.

Yet Salt Fics act like he lectures Marinette to "take the high road" every time Lila goes after her and was in fact doing whatever Lila asked of him from the moment she first showed up.

Which is just...

The exact opposite of what happens in canon?

Like, his advice makes PERFECT sense with the information he has access to. Eventually, if Lila really IS lying about her disabilities, she'd slip up and her entire house of cards would collapse around her. He doesn't know that Lila threatened Marinette, and Marinette didn't mention that when they talked about her after the fact.

Frankly, Marinette is lucky that nobody cut ties with her for apparently bullying a disabled kid over seating arrangements, because frankly, as someone who has been accused of faking PTSD for clout because the person I was arguing with REALLY wanted to win that argument we were having, Marinette was just looking like an ableist Karen.

Yeah no like.

I've discussed this extensively, but while lying is still 'bad'(especially lying about disabilities), as far as Adrien observed nothing that 'bad' is happening. The 'worst' thing that happened was the class rearranging to accommodate Lila's disability(which he has no proof is fake even if he doesn't believe the cause). It kinda sucks for Mari, but that's more on her for being last one to class so she couldn't pick her own seat. But that's a different conversation.

Adrien's advice isn't just 'take the high road and things will work out'. He says that her current actions are doing very little harm, so unless she starts causing harm, stay back and don't...... act like a madwoman scrutinizing someone's disability claims to the point she gets Akumatized.

Saltfics often went into ways that Lila's lies /could/ cause harm. Purposeful manipulation to turn them against Mari. Promising the class to get them all sorts of things with her 'connections'. Giving awful advice like that 'she tells Alya to toss her babysitting duties at Marinette' trope that was popular. And then these fics throw it in Adrien's face of 'see she is causing harm!!'

Completely ignoring that 1.) She hadn't been doing any of that before in Canon, and 2.) Adrien literally said 'if it gets worse then we do something' and that qualifies as 'worse' so he'd do something!

Swinging back to Mari:

Honestly though like. We the audience know Lila is probably lying about everything. But the class has little reason to doubt any of Lila's claims, especially the disability ones. And I actually applaud them for taking a disability claim at face value and helping with accommodations!

And yeah that's why the class is so mad at her in this episode. It's not 'how dare you question Lila!' it's 'girl you are foaming at the mouth trying to prove that the new student is faking a disability what the fuck is wrong with you'?

Especially because, thanks to Marinette's actions, the class fully believes this is about Adrien, not about Lila's hypothetical lies. Not just 'she sometimes goes nuts over Adrien' but her actions this very episode.

Remember the seating issue? Lila's new spot was next to Adrien. And when Marinette is raving about how Lila is faking and how she doesn't want to sit in the back, Adrien speaks up to try and help saying 'Okay, you can take my seat and I'll go sit in the back', prompting her to scream that no he has to stay there and Lila has to move.

So yeah she really made it seem to be all about Adrien without Lila even having to do shit.

#salt on salt

116 notes · View notes

sokkastyles · 8 months

Note

Hi,

Hope you are doing well.

I have another query regarding TSR. When Katara confronts Yon Rah and spare him at the end, I didn't notice Zuko's silence at that moment. Now, I am realizing that his silence in a way shows that he accepted and respected Katara's choice. He may not have liked it, but he understood that it was her choice, and that was that.

Looking at the way Aang responded at the end of the episode, I don't think he understood her choice at all. He simply assumed that she forgave Yon Rah, when she did not. It seems like he did not want to understand her choice at all.

On a separate note, do you feel that when it comes to Zuko's actions in the episode, it seems a bit weird that some people say that Zuko wanted Katara to murder Yon Rah in revenge, when not once did he bring that subject up in the episode whatsoever, and the one who brought that topic up was Aang?

I would like your thoughts on this.

The thing I find funny is that people try to make this about Zuko or Katara not respecting Aang's culture when throughout the episode, the one who is consistently unwilling to accept other people's perspectives is Aang. Aang is the one who insists it's about revenge. And I agree, Katara saying "maybe it is" is probably the point where that idea entered her mind.

I'm not saying that was never a possibility, because let's be real, they're not going there to make friends with the guy. But reducing it to revenge ignores the fact that these are people who need to be stopped. No one knew Yon Rah was retired. (I've also said before that Zuko and Katara should have at least disabled the Southern raiders' ship after learning Yon Rah wasn't there, because those men certainly were not innocent.) It's also about Katara reclaiming her legacy. Yon Rah thought he had murdered the last waterbender, remember? One thing that did give Katara closure was being able to affirm her survival and confront the man who could have been her murderer with it. This also ties into why learning waterbending combat was so important to Katara. The Southern raiders' mission was to wipe out waterbenders because the fire nation feared them as a threat to their war. Katara confronting the man who supposedly killed the last waterbender with all her power is an affirmation that that mission had failed. This is also why I have no time for people who insist that fighting is not a part of Katara's legacy and who she is.

And like you said, Zuko is silent when Katara makes her choice. He might have disagreed with her, or not. The only indication we get of his feelings is the look of hatred he throws Yon Rah behind Katara's back as they are leaving, but that could mean a lot of things. It could mean that Zuko has accepted that this man who he clearly despises has to live with the fact that the person he was sent to kill not only lived, but became more powerful than he could have imagined, and that he is pathetic in comparison. One could argue that this is a punishment worse than death. And that actually is probably enough for Zuko, because what he wanted was the confrontation. Remember when he tells the new captain to look Katara in the eyes and remember? I've said before that that mirrors Zuko confronting his father and demanding the truth, a confrontation which he also chose to walk away from without killing. What Zuko wants is for these men to be confronted with their crimes, and in neither case is that accomplished through killing.

And not only is Zuko silent during, but after the fact, he expresses no judgement on what Katara did, not even when she herself says she is uncertain. He tells Aang he was right, even though Aang again is the one to make assumptions and immediately says he's "proud" of Katara for "choosing forgiveness," which Katara immediately shoots down. Despite how much this episode wants to tell us that Aang is wise and understanding, it is Katara and Zuko who demonstrate understanding of the situation, Katara who makes the right decision in the end and is wise enough to be accepting of the ambiguity of her feelings, Zuko who is able to extend understanding to both sides when Aang and Katara continue to disagree. Zuko also never makes an attempt to define the situation. We do not see Zuko and Katara's initial conversation beyond Zuko telling Katara he knows where to find Yon Rah, which implies that Katara's decision to go after him is a foregone conclusion with no need of convincing by Zuko. Another thing we never see is what Zuko told the rest of the gaang after the fact, when Katara was not there. Aang tells Katara that Zuko told him what happened, and makes his own assumptions about what happened, assumptions which Katara says are wrong. But we never hear Zuko's interpretation of the facts, because it's not for him to define what happened. The episode is very careful to NOT have Zuko define or influence things. Which is why it's funny when people try to argue that he did. It also makes it more noticeable that Aang is the one who attempts to define things before listening to Katara, which is why he comes across negatively in this episode, and why it negatively affects an audience view of his relationship with Katara.

#zuko #katara #yon rah #the southern raiders

76 notes · View notes

onirique-amaranth · 1 year

Note

HEYYYY SO I've got a request not sure if it's open or not just ignore it if not! Don't really wanna bother you but I thought you could write this since I love your writing really! So may I request a blind male reader x genshin boys. Just a simple request really, a reminder FEEL FREE TO IGNORE!! or maybe you could also add spicy things they would do. IT IS UP TO YOU!! HAPPY late late NEW YEAR TO YOU, MY DEAR!!

⎮Blinding Love⎮

⏤ Characters: Aether⎮Diluc⎮Gorou⎮Kaeya

⏤ Including: mention of injuries, minor possessive behaviour, soft nsfw, mention of heat

⏤ 3.200 words

♣︎ Aether

✷ You were born with congenital blindness. Your vision has always been poor and growing up with this particular trait, you learned how to live without being affected by it.

✷ Living in Mondstadt was rather easy to go around, the alleys were clean and taken care of properly most of the time, and despite the few sets of stairs leading to the Church that was your only problem, the rest was fine. You didn't need anyone's help as you were doing just fine on your own, though you would let Amber or Barbara guide you sometimes, knowing it was reassuring them.

✷ Being born in the city of freedom and living there since forever, people knew about your disability and would be kind enough to not stand in your way, some of them sometimes telling you when a land degradation has been noticed or anything that could be problematic.

✷ In other words, you were living just fine there. With your friends, and family by your side, you weren't less happy than anyone else because of your blindness.

✷ When Aether showed up to Mondstadt for the first time, you didn't get the opportunity to meet, and it didn't really matter. You only grew curious about him when you heard about his won battle against Dvalin. But it was rather awkward to ask about him randomly, so you didn't try to.

✷ Meanwhile, you caught Aether's interest as he often saw you with Amber, Kaeya or Barbara, but never coming towards him or greeting him. Though, you were just unaware that the presence in your back was him, and not just a passer-by.

✷ He discovered that you were blind by accident, as Paimon flew into your back while she wasn't paying attention, and Kaeya scolded her for it. Aether felt extremely embarrassed by his and Paimon's mistake, and also for thinking that you were rude for ignoring them.

✷ To make up for his misconception, which you weren't even aware of, he started to accompany you everywhere. It became quickly annoying, as he was treating you like a baby, even though you could take care of yourself perfectly fine. At some point, it really started to get on your nerves and politely told him what you were thinking.

✷ He made efforts to understand you more, and slowly, you became much closer. Before he left again to find his sister, he promised to come back as regularly as he could, and he did. Only holding your hand when the ground was damaged or telling you if someone was coming your way rapidly, he was always paying attention for the both of you.

✷ After a few months, he finally asked you out. Now being officially boyfriends, he suggested taking you with him on his journey, uncaring if it could slow him down in the search for his sister, he just wanted to spend more time with you. Undeniably, it has been the best days of his life, sharing everything and helping you discover Teyvat.

✷ On a more spicy note, despite being blind, you were the one with the more temper and confidence, and so, would take most of the decisions or verbally defend Aether. Your hearing was extremely sensitive, which was extremely useful to avoid a surprise attack, which saved you many times.

✷ In bed, it was the same case, with your strong confidence, you would either be a top or a power bottom. Knowing Aether's body by heart, you didn't need your eyes at all to drive him insane, and he was always quick to submit to you. He never cared about giving all the control to you, as he knew he would be rewarded with a mind-blowing orgasm.

✷ By the end of the night, Aether would often end up chained to the bed, enduring the overwhelming pleasure until you were satisfied. The way your hands touch him, and your lips collided with his, was enough to show him how much you loved or cared for him.

✷ No one could give him as much love and pleasure as you were, and that's why he will always protect you from everything. Keeping you by his side was his priority, even if it meant threatening someone through his actions instead of his words, so you couldn't catch on.

♣︎ Diluc

✷ You were born with a rare condition, which was to be completely blind. You couldn't see or detect light at all, the world has always been pure darkness for you.

✷ After living in Liyue all your life, you chose to sojourn in Mondstadt for an unknown amount of time. Your condition remained a secret for most, if not all the citizens of Mondstadt. With your brother by your side all the time, he was the only one who knew about it, and would guide you everywhere.

✷ Even though you hated needing him most of the time, you couldn't do anything without his assistance, so you swallowed your pride and accept the harsh reality. The only place where you didn't need help was your house, as you knew every corner of it, and as long as no one touch anything, you could live just fine.

✷ You met Diluc while walking in the street, with your brother by your side. As you were strolling around, listening to him describing verbally the city as well as he could, a man bumped into you, almost making you fall.

✷ Your brother didn't have the time to react when the man was grabbed strongly by the shoulder and forced to apologize, the Master of the Dawn Winery not allowing such rudeness in front of him.

✷ He was a bit confused about why you weren't looking at him or in his direction, until it clicked, understanding why you had always your brother holding you or whispering things in your ear. As newcomers were rapidly known around the city, gossips were inevitable, and he was rather surprised that you managed to keep this condition hidden from everyone.

✷ As the good man that he was, he never spoke about it to anyone. And to who would he say it anyway?-

✷ Curious, he would often check on you during his free time, or send gifts from the Winery, as you avoid crowded places like the Tavern. Diluc isn't good with feelings or expressing himself, so it took him a long time before directly interacting with you.

✷ Slowly but surely, he took your brother's place as your guide whenever he was free, walking around the city with you and even bringing you to the Winery. The time you spent together was extremely precious, and he even mentioned you to Kaeya a few times when he was drunk, sharing something with him for the first time in years.

✷ Diluc loved to write letters, but since you couldn't read them, he gave up. Until, he learned about braille, and finally, he gathers the courage to write you a letter expressing his deeper feelings, knowing almost nobody expects you could read it.

✷ With the help of your brother, who didn't question the content of the letter, wrote a reply. Which was positive, as the same afternoon, Diluc was knocking at your door with a bouquet of flowers. You shared the softest kiss of your life, both your first one, as it was your first and last romantic relationship.

✷ Since then, you moved to the Winery with him, the maids taking care of most things for you. Absolutely adore you for bringing a smile to Diluc's face, and they became your closest confidants. You even convinced Diluc to introduce you to Kaeya, wanting to know more about his past, and consciously making them grow closer again, during the diner you invited Kaeya to every Sunday.

✷ With a good amount of money, Diluc paid to make the city more accessible for everyone, wanting you to be able to live in the easiest and most comfortable way.

✷ Diluc was extremely soft and conscientious with you, always making sure that you were alright with being touched or kissed. Your first time together was delicate and full of love, slow as you were both inexperienced, and your only goal was to show how much you cared about the other.

✷ As time went on, it didn't change much. Diluc was always focused on pleasing you, hearing your moans and praises, as it was enough for him to cum. He was devoted to you, set on serving you until his last breath. He was yours, and all your wishes will always be granted, whatever they were.

✷ Making love wasn't one of your priorities, as most touches were gentle and without any second thoughts. Still, when it does happen that one of you is particularly needy, the other is always here to dedicate himself.

✷ Diluc was the one who often ended up on his knee for you, mouth wide open as he gave you mind-numbing pleasure until all your worries washed away and only your love for him was remaining.

✷ You are the gentlest and most in love couple, already engaged, and that would do anything for the other.

♣︎ Gorou

✷ You became partially blind during the war, and you started suffering from blurry vision, eye pain and high sensitivity to light. Enabling you to continue fighting for the resistance.

✷ Gorou has always been a close friend of yours, even before the start of the war. When he became general of the Watatsumi Army, you followed him without thinking, wanting to support and protect your friend.

✷ During one of the numerous battles that took place, you went there under Gorou's command, jumping into the fight. It lasted for some long days, enduring a few minor injuries, but nothing important enough to make you leave the battlefield. Until an enemy took you by surprise and inflicted you with a wound that will never heal.

✷ You were transported out of the battlefield as soon as possible, but it was a lost cause. The damages done to your head and eyes were irreparable, and you had to accept that your life would never be the same again.

✷ Maybe it was shame or guilt, but you weren't able to face Gorou until the end of the war.

✷ You did your best to avoid him, and get busy in one way or another, even if you weren't physically able to go out yet. The light was causing you a violent headache, and you couldn't stay with your eyes open for too long. That's why you wore bandages around your head for some long days until it wasn't as painful.

✷ Successfully never crossing paths with Gorou, you felt yourself get better. Unfortunately, your luck couldn't do miracles for so long, as you get woken up by someone knocking at your door, and you open it without thinking. To your surprise, it wasn't one of the doctors that was standing there, but Gorou as you heard him stop breathing for a few seconds, whispering your name in shock.

✷ He went to find you, so he could announce the news himself, that the war was over. And instead, he found his closest friend with a bandaged head and grey eyes, void of emotions or profoundness.

✷ Just as shocked as him, you slammed the door shut, not knowing how to deal with this guilt except hiding away. Despite Gorou knocking at the door, and calling your name, you never opened the door, sitting on the ground in silence.

✷ He learned the truth from one of the men that were in your battalion, explaining what happened exactly and the extent of your injuries. Due to the sudden horrible information, Gorou had trouble processing the truth, blaming himself for your pain.

✷ After a long conversation with Kokomi, he concluded that he couldn't let your friendship end this way, and rushed to talk to you, even if he had to beg for hours until you open the door. But you gave up after a few minutes and witnessed a teary Gorou, that was apologizing over and over. This afternoon was filled with tears and pain, finally opening up to one another.

✷ Since then, Gorou was at your side day and night, doing everything that you couldn't do, checking on your injuries and making sure everything was fine. He strongly refused to leave your side, even when you went back home, as he begged until you accepted to let him sleep in your guest room.

✷ Maybe it was the constant closeness, or Gorou's need to protect you. But he ended up sleeping in your bed at one point, and then, using your clothes, hugging you suddenly, caressing your face the same way a lover would. And finally, on a drunken night, he kissed you, deeply and lovingly.

✷ You never talked about this night, you were close enough to understand the meaning of it. Accepting easily the change of relationship and status, now introducing the other as a boyfriend instead of a friend. It happened so easily, that you never questioned it. Gorou soon moved in with you, and stayed by your side, despite your ability to fully take care of yourself.

✷ After months of living together and sleeping on the same bed, everything happened naturally. One second, you were both kissing, your hands cradling his face and his griping your neck, and then, you were both naked, with Gorou moaning under you. Nails digging into your back and creating dark marks, not letting you go until you both fell asleep in each other's arms.

✷ Rapidly, you noticed how Gorou was constantly needy, holding onto you and begging for a bit of attention. This behaviour was even worse when he was in heat, tempting you in the lewdest way to get you to destroy his body. So many nights were spent with Gorou's legs on your shoulders as you pound into him, filling him up to the brim.

✷ Gorou and you became inseparable, one was never seen without the other. Everyone was aware of how possessive and protective he was of you, no one daring to get too close or for too long. If his behaviour wasn't enough to tell that you were off limits, the numerous marks left on you were an even clearer message.

✷ Now, he was determined to keep you safe, protect you and love you. Becoming blind wasn't even a big deal anymore, as he was always by your side to do everything you weren't able to. Losing your eyes, you gained a devoted lover.

♣︎ Kaeya

✷ You became partially blind partly because of Khaenri'ah. Just like the few descendants and survivors of the ultimate destruction, you earned something from it, as it affected either your face or eyes. For you, it was your eyes only, which always reminded you of where you were from.

✷ Unlike a certain Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius, this star in both your eyes caused your blindness. Forced to hide those rare and considered dangerous traits, you would wear a blindfold, telling curious people that you got badly injured in a fight and refusing to show the damages. And usually, it would make everyone uncomfortable enough to drop the topic.

✷ Travelling from city to city, you discovered the world without a set goal, only wishing to feel free and happy. You stayed for a little while at Snezhnaya, passed by Natlan and Fontaine rather quickly, and fell in love with Sumeru. Until you had to leave, travelling through Inazuma and Liyue, to finally reach Mondstadt.

✷ There, you met with someone who seemed weirdly familiar, something about him drawing you closer.

✷ Sitting at the bar alone, you stood out because of your different kinds of clothes and blindfold, catching the eyes of some curious adventurers or even some knights' attention that were taking a break. You could easily feel the numerous eyes staring at you, not even trying to hide it.

✷ Drinking one glass after another, the bartender kept a close eye on you, softly tapping his fingertips beside the glass to tell you where he put it. The kind gesture brought a smile to your face, thanking him for being so observant, as he dismissed the appreciation, and put it on doing his job well.

✷ As you discussed with the bartender, you failed to notice the man sitting down next to you, only the sudden annoyed tone of your new acquaintance made you realize the unknown presence. Slowly turning your head towards them, acting as if you could see them, you offered to pay for their drink.

✷ The offer was met with a deep laugh, and the man's right hand, who introduced himself as Kaeya, was placed on your thigh. You could sense his inquiring eyes on you as he asked more about your journey, soft grip tightening when you mentioned your studies and the pride of humankind.

✷ You both drink until getting slowly sick of the taste, and in his kindness, Kaeya suggested helping you walk back home. Even though you were perfectly able to walk alone, using your geo vision to feel through the ground if someone was near or walking towards you. You kept quiet, and let him guide you, thanking him after sensing him walk away silently.

✷ For the following days, you would learn more about the city and its surroundings during the day, and drink with Kaeya every evening until the middle of the night. You were still wary of each other, but you found an unknown comfort while talking to him, sharing harmless information that wouldn't put you in a difficult position.

✷ One night, after Kaeya guided you back home, you went to take a shower immediately, hating the smell of alcohol sticking to you, overwhelming your senses. Perhaps it was the remannings of alcohol that numbed your brain, but you opened the door without thinking, blessing the familiar man with a full view of your bare torso and uncovered eyes.

✷ Everything happened too quickly, his hands were on your shoulders and then the door was slammed shut, his lips pressed against yours as he asked where your bedroom was. Your first night shared together was on impulse, just a sudden urge to possess the other.

✷ There was no explanation for it, no reason to act this way, as it just happened. Embracing the other, pouring out all your frustrations as moans and groans filled up the silence of the room. Growing more frantic, rough and lustful, you lost yourselves in the pleasure of enlaced bodies and minds.

✷ Sooner or later, the eyepatch was discarded, and your eyes ended up wide open, the rushed pace came to a stop. His hands cradled your face, confused, but understanding words were exchanged, and you proposed to talk about it when you'll both sober.

✷ The next day, hidden by the blanket, Kaeya was holding onto you tightly, memories rushing back to him. It was as if he found another piece of himself, something or someone that he lost a long time ago. With hushed words, you promised to keep it a secret, so this shared history could remain a safe haven.

✷ And until now, your paths never diverged from the other, staying close and not letting anything stop you. Accepting your future, as long as you remained together, Kaeya endured his fate.

✷ Your relationship was never defined, but everyone's opinion was the same, you were soulmates who finally found their promised one.

⏤ Thank you for reading! I wish you a great day.

⏤ here is my masterlist & ko-fi ⏤

262 notes · View notes

sophieinwonderland · 10 months

Text

Someone Having A Disorder Doesn't Make Them Qualified to Educate About That Disorder

Let me be clear: I believe that any person with a disability or mental condition has the ability and right to speak about that condition, and that their own personal experiences should be trusted and believed.

When this becomes dicey is when these individuals think simply having a condition makes them an expert in it, and that they are an absolute authority in all of its presentations.

This came up recently when debating a singlet who made a post stating endogenic plurality wasn't real. Their attempts at "debunking" studies into endogenic systems showed desperation to prove their point, ignoring the opinions of actual psychologists and psychiatrists. Most of their post was misinformation based on a single Carrd. The sources they cited never even claimed what they said they did.

That blog talks about a lot of disorders and I said in my response to them that I don't think other people should put their trust in them on matters of other disabilities they talk about like autism.

The problem with this user and others like them is that they want to be seen as an expert and are presenting themselves as such. And I'm sure they do know more about autism than plurality, having it themselves. But I'm also sure that they're going to make broad assumptions based on their own experiences and try to apply that to everyone with ASD when you can't do that, and they'll present those assumptions as facts.

I am not saying to not trust them as a member of an endogenic systems.

I am saying to not trust them as a member of a system diagnosed with ASD ourselves. I do not believe people like this are trustworthy sources of information for my disorder, nor any other disorder.

All of this was before their reply, which only solidified my earlier opinions, and then some.

This is one of those posts that is just so bad that I need to break it down piece by piece.

It's not unethical to be part of a demographic you're studying. People with ASD can study ASD. DID systems can study people with DID. Muslims can study Muslims. Native Americans can study Native Americans. And Tulpamancers can study tulpamancers. Being a tulpamancer does not invalidate the study in and of itself.

This was why I gave the Varieties of Tulpa Experiences study that they ignored. It is true that the study they're referring to, Tulpas and Mental Health, was written by a tulpamancer. This was the source they initially tried to "debunk." Furthermore, what they didn't mention is that the journal it was published in is less reputable than others, and the author was a student rather than an actual expert. This is why I don't often cite that one as an example of evidence of endogenic plurality.

In contrast, Varieties of Tulpa Experiences was written by a psychiatry professor at McGill University and was published by the highly esteemed Oxford University Press. There is zero question as to the Journal's credibility or the experience of the author.

Transabled people identify as having disabilities. No, tulpamancers and other non-disordered plurals are not, by definition, transabled. We are multiple, but we do not have DID or OSDD.

And for the record, I actually have studied plurality. I'm not formally educated in psychology or psychiatry and would never pretend to be an expert in such, but I'm confident I've read more papers about different presentations of plurality than this singlet who only cites Carrds and blogs as sources.

I also know the difference between neuroscience and psychology... And maybe this is a petty point, but the fact that all their posts claim to be about neuroscience while focusing mostly on psychology and psychiatry is another huge red flag that they probably don't know as much as they pretend to.

Now, to the big one...

If you're trying to be a leader on mental health topics, don't be so blatantly ableist!

If you place the worth of a person on how "intelligent" or "competent" they are, perhaps you shouldn't be in communities for people with mental illnesses and disabilities at all.

These are extremely harmful and gross comments.

What you (readers) should take away from this: Take all advice on Tumblr with a grain of salt.

Yes, even on this blog. Be skeptical. Ask questions. Think critically. Double check people's claims when you can.

Don't blindly assume that just because someone has a disorder, like Autism, that they must be an expert in that disorder and that they'll be able to answer all your questions. Trust their own experiences. But have a healthy doubt of any broader claims they can't source.

63 notes · View notes

buckttommy · 1 year

Text

Shannon Diaz is what happens when 911 takes time to fully flush out a female love interest. Rewatching the scene where Shannon tells Eddie she wants a divorce is full of implication having narrowed down her age, I mean, jesus. The fact that she was going to leave again. When she says to him she needs to figure out how to be a mom before she can learn how to be a wife. Just how ill-equipped she, specifically, was. I mean, Eddie says in this same conversation that being Christopher's dad taught him more about being a man than war ever did. But Shannon didn't have a transformative experience like that.

Christopher was born and she was still just as much a kid as she'd ever been. She was still in their hometown, still around the same sights, the same people, and nothing changed except for the fact that now she had a child on her hip, and her highschool boyfriend — whose presence she had gotten used to, on account of the fact that they went to the same fucking school — was now on the other side of the world getting shot at.

I've talked about it before, how Eddie used Christopher's existence to grow him up but Shannon didn't. But I've never, like, explored the depths of why she didn't but looking back, it's pretty hard to grow when you stay in one fucking place, in one rote existence your entire life.

It also kind of irks me, in hindsight, the mischaracterization of Shannon Diaz in this fandom. She left Eddie. Let me make that clear: Shannon left EDDIE. Christopher was a byproduct of her leaving her husband, a very, very unfortunate casualty, and he was going to be a casualty again when she left again. But she didn't, like, leave Christopher. Just the opposite. In this scene, she talks about how she wrote her son a letter that explained why she left, so he'd know it wasn't because of him, which shows that — at the very least — she was intuitive enough as a mother to know exactly how her son would process her disappearance from her life as he got older.

And like, I'm sure she did get overwhelmed caring for him alone. With doctors appointments and surgeries — surgeries Eddie wasn't there for, leaving her to have to sit with that fear/anxiety in a hospital waiting room alone with your child being cut open in the back — but that blame falls on Eddie's shoulders, on him not being available, on him not being a husband in any way except by name. She didn't leave because of Christopher and to say she did is just... not factual to 911 canon. She's the one who corrected Eddie when he called CP an illness, so if anyone was more of a dick/more ignorant about Chris's disability (initially), it was Eddie

IDK. This is mostly just word vomit as I go back over past seasons, past conversations, but Shannon has always been my favorite of Eddie's love interests in terms of how she occupied (and continues to occupy) space in his ashes Christopher's lives and that's true even more now

#jack.txt #tv: 911 #eddie x shannon

116 notes · View notes

am-i-the-asshole-official · 11 days

Note

I don't know uf this counts as ghosting but here goes. 😶‍🌫️

I had a friend group of real smart wise and creative folks, very professional and know everything about the world. We were friends for a few years until I hauled ass to therapy for my ADHD, and realized that I was not being treated as an equal in this group. I'm the only one disabled both ways and it takes me longer to create so my output is nowhere near as high as them, maybe that was a reason. I didn't ask.

What happened is the 2 leaders of this group had insisted that I join, that we'd have so much fun together. Then I ended up being the only one who was talking to them, they never started a conversation on their own since January 2023! My fanarts would go unnoticed, they'd ignore if I sent them news about shit like KOSA, they had their private jokes even. When we were chatting together they'd often ignore or shrug to my comments which felt weird too. I felt like a kid they were being forced to babysit sometimes but they were having a party when I was in another room.

I didn't think they were the socially anxious types at all, in public they're always talking big about good communication and how everyone else sucks at friendship. Naturally I was feeling unwelcome, then the therapist showed me proof of this shit hampering my mental health and job too. It seemed like the most peaceful way out would be to ghost them before softblocking, right?

Wrong, I didn't talk to any of them for a month, then softblocked 5 out of 6 people. The last one was closer to me so I was hesitant, but then she finally decided to send me a text after months asking why I was quitting the group. I tried to not get angry and told her it wasn't the right place or time for me. She said okay and if she could help she would. That is when I accidentally said that maybe treating a friend like you do want them in your life would have helped a few months ago. I said this partially because we have a favourite unpopular ship and these folks often assume someone has switched sides if they aren't actively talking about that ship, privately shading them too.

Anyways the last girl then said Excuse me? Do you not understand how busy we are? Sorry we couldn't cheer for you always but it's not like you were barred from talking to us? You didn't think we could have issues, or that we didn't want to bother you? You couldn't think beyond yourself?

She was still typing when I blocked her. I feel bad and I feel angry. Next therapy session isn't until next month so yeah

AITA for maybe misunderstanding and selfishly ditching friends who may or may not had liked me all along?

#aita #am i the asshole

52 notes · View notes

startrekfangirl2233-writes · 8 months

Text

Winter, 2019 - San Diego, California

Chapter 4 of You Are My Soulmate

Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x Reader

Description: It's been a week since the accident. A week since you collapsed, a week since you saw the man who could be your soulmate fall from the heavens in a jet he shouldn't have been in at all. And you can't help but blame yourself. The should haves, would haves and could haves crowd your brain until there isn't anything else in it. Until, that is, you wake up one morning to find what looks to be all of the journalists in San Diego parked out in your front lawn. That's when you discover that Hawk had given interviews across the city dragging your name through the mud. You can't even open your windows without them hounding you. So you trust your welfare to your best friends, your family. And pray that Bradley Bradshaw wakes up soon. If only because you're not sure how much of this you can take. Meanwhile, Rooster's in heaven. He's got his mom and dad nearby, he's never hungry, thirsty or tired, but as time passes, he can't help wondering about his soulmate. Is she alright? Is she safe? She's not hurting too badly because of his stupid actions, right? One chance vision from the universe shows him what he didn't know he needed. Disclaimers: Misogynistic speech. Mentioned Homosexual Relationships. Angst. Flagrant disregard for protocols or Authority. Angst. Anguish. This content presented in this story is for audiences age 18 and over only. MINORS DNI. I will not be accepting tag-list requests from Blank or Ageless Blogs for this story. Warnings: Female!Reader Word Count: 3142 A/N: Here's Chapter 4 of YAMS! This is where the shit hits the fan, quite literally for Tinkerbell and Rooster! Hawk makes a second appearance, and if you all hated him when you first saw him, you haven't seen anything yet! As always, your reblogs and comments make me so happy! Feel free to drop me an ask if you want to chat about this chapter or any of my other works! AO3:Cross-posted Here! My Masterlist Previous Part | Series Masterlist | Next Part

Tinkerbell

You feel rather like you're walking around in a haze after the accident. You live so close to base and have so many friends that are Navy or affiliated with the Navy that it feels a lot like the entire world is talking about what happened. The rumors and wondering comments follow you around. You can't even walk into the commissary anymore without hearing some new theory about what happened.

Jake and Javy do their best to shield you from the speculation, but you can't hide from yourself. Your brain may be telling you that it wasn't your fault that Bradley crashed, but your heart, your soul, is telling you differently. Your actions resulted in your soulmate being in a hospital bed, unconscious and unknowing right now. You could have done something more to disable his jet. You could've had the maintenance crew remove the master ignition switch. You could've. You could've. You could've. It's eating you alive. Since you're on medical suspension for a month, you don't even have the distraction of work anymore.

You have one week of relative quiet. Then you wake up one morning to your phone blowing up. Everyone you know who has your phone number seems to be texting you the same link. You're half awake, sleep clouding your eyes even as you fumble for your ringing phone and answer the phone call.

It's an awfully insistent voice asking you why you put Bradley in the hospital. You ignore it and hang up. The words don't penetrate your sleepy brain until a few seconds later, when you jolt up from your comfy spot in bed. You've gotten over sixty unread messages and fourteen voicemails in the past three hours. Most of the voicemails are from Jake and when you open the first of the many articles in your inbox, it's an interview.

You're going to murder Lieutenant Junior Grade George Taylor, the cocky little shit soon to be formerly known as Hawk. He's spoken to what seems to be every news outlet in San Diego and given them a tell-all expose about how you're a nosy, jealous bitch who hated Lieutenant Bradshaw from the moment she saw him and wanted him gone.

No wonder your phone has been ringing off the hook. Everybody wants to stick their mics into your face and get the true story. How could you tell them it was your soulmate's fault when he isn't even awake to corroborate your story? You don't even know if he is your soulmate, for goodness's sake. Not definitively, at least.

You can't even draw back your curtains, because when you try, you are nearly blinded by the entire troupe of reporters camping out on your front lawn. No wonder Jake sounds frantic when you finally pick up the phone when he calls next.

"Hey darling." He sounds worried, like he's been pacing back and forth on the hot tarmac for hours. "What happened? Are you okay? Did you see my messages?"

"I saw, Jake. I was asleep. If you forget, I'm on medical leave for the next three weeks." Your voice is weak as you burrow back under your sheets. "I saw your messages, Jake. I'm dreaming, right?"

"I wish you were, Tinky-tink." You can hear the pain in Jake's voice as a tear drips unbidden down your cheek. "Hawk's been swanning around on base. He's been talking shit all day. Javy's already punched him in the nose hard enough to cause a nosebleed. Thankfully Cyclone and Warlock weren't nearby or my darling would've ended up with a formal reprimand by now."

You have to smile, even if it's half-hearted, because it's so like Jake and Javy to have your back, even at the risk of their own careers.

"You guys have to toe the line, though, Jake. This may very well be the end of my career, but it's not going to be the end of yours." Your voice is filled with so much regret. So much pain and sorrow. "I'm not going to drag you and Javy down with me."

"Baby, who said you're dragging us down with you? We're your family, remember?" He sounds so genuinely distressed for you.

"I know, Jake. And I love you. I love Javy. But you can't punch Hawk out every time you see him on base. But you can smuggle me out of my house and hug me for a good long while later today?" You feel extra small in that moment, the flashes of light from the lenses on the other side of your curtain still burning after-images into your retinas.

"The paparazzi are all over, huh?" You can hear the furrow in Jake's brow as he asks you that question.

"I feel kinda like Marilyn Monroe. I have after-images burned into my retinas from the flashes on all the pictures they got of me in my frumpy, old, US Navy t-shirt a few minutes ago." You can just barely hear the rage in Jake's voice as he calls out to Javy and the other Daggers.

"Hey, sweetheart." It's Javy's smooth, deep voice that you hear on the phone all of a sudden. "Jakey's flipping his shit, I dunno if you can hear him, baby, but we're really worried about you. Let me see if I can get Mav to let Jake and I out early. We'll roll up in the lifted truck with the blacked out windows, y’know, the one I kept telling Jake was a ridiculous purchase, and get you to our place. You know what Jake can drive like when he gets motivated."

You have to chuckle at that, a little. Jake normally drives like a perfectly respectable person. But when he's angry or worried, he's got a lead foot. You've definitely been holding onto the passenger "Oh Shit!" handles a few times as Jake drives.

"Pack your bags, baby. You're coming to stay with us until the paparazzi back off. All I know is that if I see that little ass wipe ever again, he'll be wishing that the worst thing he gets is a broken nose." Your chuckle is watery and sniffly at his words.

"Thank you, Javy. I love you."

"Love you too, baby. If you hear tires screeching on pavement, know that sound means that Jake and I are rolling up to break you out of jail."

The phone goes dead soon after and it takes everything you have to not start hyperventilating on the spot. You could probably handle Hawk's interview alone, but now with reporters camping out on your front lawn and hounding your every move, it's only a matter of time before some other corrupt person lets it spill that Bradley Bradshaw might be your soulmate. With no knowledge of his prognosis, it's likely that you're going to get a court martial, then be dishonorably discharged, and finally imprisoned. Who'd ever take your word over Hawk's? There are still Admirals who believe that a woman's place is in the home, after all.

Everything you've ever worked for will have turned into dust in moments. All because of one action, one reaction, really. If he weren’t so badly hurt already, you’d hate Bradley Bradshaw for what he's done to ruin your life. But you can’t hate him. You couldn’t hate him if you tried. Now that you know he’s yours, that he’s linked to you in a way nobody else will ever be, ever can be, you can catalog all of the things you’ve ever felt about him. The instant jolt of attraction you’d felt that first night, the need to have his body pressed up against yours as he crooned sweet nothings to you? That must’ve been your bond asserting itself for the first time. Your giddy feelings after the AMDO inspection are just further proof.

You pack bag after bag as you go over every memory you have with Bradley Bradshaw. In truth, he’s always in the periphery of your memories of your time at North Island, always in the shadows, lurking at the outskirts. You know it’s not his relationship with his team, because they love him. You have to be the reason why he’d become so nervous all of a sudden. Could he have sensed the nascent bond between the two of you? But that doesn’t explain the horrible things Bradley had said about you. You’ve gone over that night over and over in your mind, but it’s standing in your sun drenched bedroom that you finally realize why. Jake had come oh-so protectively up to you after the crowd had nearly crushed you, after Bradley had saved you. He’d smothered you in his embrace and his cloying older-brotherly love and had scarcely left your side the remainder of the night.

Could Bradley have thought that Jake was your soulmate? Jake?! The very man who is so in love with his own soul that he never even lets Javy get his own beer? Ever? The man who'd called you after Javy went into G-Loc and was in the hospital for the night, crying because he'd nearly lost the most important person in his life? That Jake? It’s a ludicrous thought to you, but a conceivable one. And you can’t even disabuse Bradley Bradshaw of the notion. Not when he’s lying in a hospital bed deep in a coma.

It’s that thought which swarms in your mind as you sit in your silent, dark living room waiting for Jake and Javy to come ‘break you out of jail’ as Javy had called it. You’re paralyzed by it, in truth. How? How can you fix this? How? The more you think about the situation you’ve found yourself in, the less you think you’ve found a solution. You’re curled into a ball on the sofa, staring blankly at the television you’re not sure when you turned on, when the door opens. You’re blasted with an onslaught of noise in the short while it’s opened.

“Hi, Tink.” You blink unseeingly at the voices. These are people you can trust, you know you can, but you can’t make yourself respond. All of your feelings have clogged up your throat, muting your voice until you’re caught in the riptide-current of everything that’s happened to you.

“C’mon, darling. Let’s get you out of here, huh?” You just nod, allowing Javy to put your shoes on your feet and wrap you in a big hoodie, drawing the hood over your face before propping a pair of sunglasses on your nose.

The sound is worse the minute you set foot outside of the door. The flashes are blindingly bright even through the dark lenses on your face, and if it weren’t for how Jake and Javy sandwich you between them, both of them still in their khakis, you’d have broken in the couple of dozen steps it takes to get into Jake’s lifted truck with the blacked out windows. The reporters are shouting questions to you so insistently that you can hear them even once you’re safely ensconced in the backseat with Javy. For several long moments, they turn their hounding on Jake as he carts your bags to the tailgate in a couple of quick trips. It’s barely ten minutes later that Jake takes off down the road. But it’s in the quiet of the cab that you break down.

It’s an acute despair that’s got hold of your heart, tears slipping down your cheeks in big globs at the pain you’re feeling all over again. It’s not enough that you had to watch your soulmate crash, that you can’t know how he is doing. No, now you have to face the entire world lambasting you for something that you didn’t do. This soulmate thing didn’t come with instructions. If the gods had been a little more specific, could you have avoided all of this? Why didn’t your life come with some kind of instruction booklet? Would it have saved all of this heartache? You honestly don’t know and you’re sure you never will.

Javy’s an angel throughout it, holding you tight against his chest and letting you cry until your tears peter out. You can’t hear anything for a long while, and you’re not sure if it’s because of the big palm cradling your head or if it’s just that the beating of your heart is drowning out everything else.

“How’s she doing, darling?” You’re struck dumb, your mind moving far too fast to put your thoughts to words.

“I dunno, Jake.” The rumble of Javy’s voice in his chest feels like home. “She cried for a long time, and now Tink’s just lying against my chest limply.”

“I wish there was something we could do to help her more, Javy.” It sounds like Jake’s choked up. Why? It’s not like you’re anything special.

“What else could we do? We got that little prick under investigation. And I punched him square in the nose. Everything else is up to Bradshaw. And we’ll take care of our girl as long as we have to. She may not believe that she did the right thing at this very moment, but we’ll help her. It’s the least we can do.” Javy sounds so sure of his ability to help you. But what if you’re past saving? It’s not like Hawk will ever change his tune.

“Then why doesn’t it feel like it’s enough? This is Tink, Javy. Our Tink. We wouldn’t have each other without her.” You’ve never heard Jake like this.

“It’ll be okay, darling. You and me, we’ll take care of our Tink as long as we have to.”

You must fall asleep after that conversation because the next thing you know is the feeling of cool blankets over your exhausted body and a soft pillow under your heavy head. Somebody has laid your cell phone down on the nightstand and your bags are in a corner. You feel weighed down and groggy, like you’ve been sleeping for far too long and yet are still completely exhausted. You have to force yourself to walk down the stairs of Jake and Javy’s house, though you can’t quite give up the comfort of the blanket they’d draped over you. Your socked feet whisper softly against the shining wood floors, and the stealth it provides leads to you seeing something which warms your nearly broken heart.

There are takeout boxes on the counter and two half filled glasses of wine nearby. Soft music spills from the speaker on the counter and Jake and Javy are swaying gently to the beat. As you creep closer to the kitchen, you can hear the lyrics. If you know Jake correctly, it sounds like Tim McGraw’s My Best Friend. Jake’s mouthing the words gently, Javy’s head against the crook of his neck and his hand over Jake’s heart. Both of their eyes are closed and they look completely at peace with each other. Their love for each other speaks volumes. They seem so at ease with each other, like they belong here in each other's arms.

In this cozy ranch style kitchen, all of your problems seem miles away. If you close your eyes and let the music wash over you, you would almost think you’re in your own kitchen, dancing barefoot in somebody’s arms. There’s a dog underfoot and even though the two of you nearly fall, it feels right. When you open your eyes, you half expect yourself to be there in your kitchen, to see Bradley looking down on you. But nothing’s changed. You’re still lost and alone. Adrift in stormy seas without a life raft or life jacket. But in the warm yellow light, you let yourself hope, just a little. You have Jake, and you have Javy. Maybe they’re enough?

Rooster

In the who-knows-how-long since he’s been stuck in limbo with his mom and dad, Bradley’s filled them in on everything they’ve missed in his life. He’s been yelled at and squished by both his parents and he feels more settled than he has been in a long, long time. From what his parents have told him, he’s not dead, not completely. There’s something tethering him to his life, something more than just his bruised, broken, battered body in a coma.

If he stops concentrating on what it is, just a little, Bradley sometimes thinks he sees a string, shooting out from his heart and extending out, farther than he could possibly see. It’s crimson, the color bright against the pale nothingness he’s in, and god he wishes he could see who it points to. But more than anything, he wishes he’d just not decided to get into a broken jet and fly. It’s the biggest regret of his not-quite-life, not-quite-death, and he wishes more than anything that he could apologize to his soulmate.

But he can't. Not until he wakes up. It's impossible to know how many days he's been stuck in this liminal space too, the days punctuated by his mom and dad appearing and disappearing in golden motes of light, leaving him in solitude at times. It must be nice, Bradley's sure, to know you've lived a life well, to know your soulmate is waiting for you on the other side of a golden bridge waiting for you.

That's the first time he sees her, his soul. She's standing in a kitchen, wrapped in a fluffy blanket, the only parts of her visible are her sock-clad feet and her head. There's music playing, some country tune Bradley couldn't name if he tried. Her eyes are welling with tears as she watches two men dance. One is pale-skinned and blond haired, the other deeply tanned with close-cropped inky black curls. They're wrapped around each other, love dripping from every motion. Bradley knows exactly whose face it is, Tinkerbell, just as well as he knows the blond's face. It's a face he would have argued he's seen too many times since the Uranium Mission. Fucking Jake Seresin. But why's he dancing with somebody else? Shouldn't he be dancing with Tinkerbell? She’s in the room after all. How could he cheat on a girl like her? More's the question, why's he seeing Seresin and Tinkerbell instead of his soulmate?

But before Bradley can get or manipulate the visions to show him something else, he's left with only his thoughts. Those thoughts keep focusing on Tinkerbell standing in the kitchen. She’d looked so sad, so lonely. Oh god, is this when she found out Jake was cheating on her? He can’t help wishing he were there so he could hug her and kiss her tears away. Which is ridiculous, right? But he does promise that the next time he sees Bagman, the two of them are going to have words. Nobody gets to treat their soulmate like that, not on his watch.

Taglist:

🛩️ @roosters-girl 🛩️ @infamous-reindeer 🛩️ @caitsymichelle13 🛩️ @mattyskies 🛩️ @cosmic-psychickitty 🛩️ @mygyn 🛩️ @julesclues 🛩️ @greenbaby12 🛩️ @bubblegumbeautyqueen 🛩️ @briseisgone 🛩️ @soulmates8 🛩️ @meganlpie

🛩️ @daphne-turner 🛩️ @captain-fandomwriter58

🛩️ @caidi-paris 🛩️@mazzbarnes 🛩️ @thedroneranger

🛩️@super-btstrash-posts 🛩️@eli2447 🛩️@chaoticassidy 🛩️ @kmc1989 🛩️ @faithiegirl01 🛩️@mayhemmanaged

🛩️@desert-fern🛩️ @cassiemitchell 🛩️ @dakotakazansky

🛩️ @cherrycola27 🛩️@roosterforme 🛩️@beccaanne814 🛩️

I DO NOT CONSENT TO HAVE MY WORK POSTED, TRANSLATED, OR PUBLISHED ON ANY SITES OTHER THAN HERE OR ON AO3 BY ME. IF YOU SEE MY WORKS ANYWHERE OTHER THAN HERE OR AO3, THEN THEY HAVE BEEN POSTED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND I WILL BE WORKING TO TAKE THEM DOWN.

#star writes #top gun fanfic #top gun fanfiction #top gun maverick fanfic #top gun maverick fanfiction #you are my soulmate #bradley rooster bradshaw x reader #rooster x reader #bradley bradshaw x reader #soulmate!au #miscommunication

32 notes · View notes

aro-pancake-writes · 7 months

Text

Another Brain Rot. That man has me on a chokehold and I'll never deny it.

Sam Coe x Spacefarer.

NB Dusty, as usual. No description of Dusty, but there's a whole collection of every single plushie in the game on their bed, because that's what I do with my plushies. And I want to have something handy.

And no, I cannot give my stories titles, because I never know what to name them.

It's not even noon, and I'm already in a bind.

Crimson Fleet ships surround the Kepler, and there's a familiar voice on the comms.

Would someone be mad if I "accidentally" shoot at her ship? Just enough to disable the grav drive and she's unable to run away the second the fight is over.

Taking a look over my shoulder, to where Sam is sitting on the guns, I choose not to shoot. He'd be mad.

The last ship is taken down, and I'm opening the comms for... Lillian.

And of course the first thing she does is to ignore me, dismiss Cora, and focus all her attention on Sam. Flirting with him.

If he was ignoring, sure, I'd also ignore it. But he's flirting back. Returning her quips in the same tone, smiling.

I can't stand it, so I tell Andreja to set a course to New Atlantis once they're done there, and head to my quarters. I can still hear them through the intercoms, so I turn it off and hide under my covers.

I should have shot her down. Docked. Made her see Cora and look into my eyes as she flirts with...

Sam once told me that Lillian came back after him a lot over the years. Looking for sex, claiming to have changed, to be wanting to have a good relationship with him and Cora... Not that he actually believed after a while, but he said the sex was good, so he played along.

Is that what they're doing now? Looking for comfort in eachother after some adrenaline? I don't want to know.

Sam closed off the comms to Lillian's ship, kinda happy that they didn't fight again. Despite Lillian making up excuses to not see Cora.

But the glares he was getting from Andreja and Cora told him it was not something to be happy about.

"Dad, why were you flirting with mom?" Cora asks, crossing her arms as she started at him like she's the parent.

"I wasn't flirting with her. Why would I do that?" He retorts, confused as to what led to this situation.

"It sure sounded like you two were flirting." Andreja says, deadpan as she takes the pilots seat. "Didn't notice anything happening while the two of you were talking?"

Andreja is on the pilots seat. Not them.

"When did they leave?" He asks, not being any answers for the women in the ship, both still glaring at him. "When?" He pushes, and Andreja folds.

"Somewhere between needing a vacation and that invitation to Paradiso." It was an invitation?

If they aren't here, there's one place.

It's a while before the door to my quarters open. I'm not in the mood to talk to him, so I turn away on the bed, avoiding his eyes.

"Darling, can we talk?" Sam asks, and I make a point to ignore him. "Please? I'm really-" I don't want to hear it, so I turn and toss one of my plushies at him.

"Don't want to talk!" I shout, throwing another plushie. "Get out! Go back to her!" I throw one with each sentence, but he barely moves, only to dodge my attacks.

Instead of leaving, he steps closer.

"Go back to having that great sex you couldn't pass up on." I continue, along with my barrage of plushies. "Go back to crawling, to begging for any drop of attention, to arguing every day. Isn't that what you want?" I finally toss my Parsecpooch, the last plushie in the bed, and he catches it expertly.

"Darling, I'm not gonna-" he tries again, close enough to hold me in his arms.

"At least have the decency of waiting for me to leave the room, to not do it where I can see or hear it." I mumble, falling into his chest, crying. "Try to hide from me."

"I'm not going back to her." He says, running a hand through my hair. "Hell, if Cora and Andreja didn't tell me, I wouldn't know she was flirting with me."

"What?" I lean back, cleaning up my tears.

"It felt... Good. To talk without it escalating into an argument." He explains. "That's all it was for me, love."

"So you're not going to that weekend in Paradiso?" I ask, my voice broken and flawed.

"Not with her, no." He offers me a smile, cupping my face in his hands. "If I'm ever granted a vacation there, it'll be with you. On our honeymoon."

Our... Honeymoon? My brain stops in its tracks. Why is he talking about honeymoon already? Unless...

"I know this is a shit time to do it, but I love you. And I want to marry you, if you'll take me." His smile is genuine, and I'm about to lean into a kiss when there's a noise at the door.

I get up, opening it to find Cora and Andreja there, acting as if they weren't listening in on our conversation.

Cora comes by to hug me, clearly happy with the proposal.

"I'd love to have you in my family." She says, before running off into the ship.

I close the door again, and turn back to Sam.

"I'd love to marry you." I say, but the memory of the way they flirted is still like a gash on my mind. "But you'll have to promise me that there won't ever be a repeat of today." All my terms are on the table. That's the only demand I'll ever make.

"You have my word on it, love." He gets up, coming by to give me a kiss.

I'm not letting go that easy. Not really.

#sam coe #starfield sam coe #starfield #sam coe x player #spacefarer x sam coe #lillian hart hate club

17 notes · View notes

opinated-user · 1 year

Text

first of all, this is a lie on all fronts. i saw Brittany's screenshots of the conversations she had with LO while they were still friends. i read Brittanny telling both tara (fake identity of LO) and LO multiple times that she wasn't sexually attracted to LO in any sort of way. she loved her, cared about her and felt safe with her even as LO was pre-coming out but she just couldn't consider her a romantic or sexual partner, despite how many times both accounts pressured and guilt tripped Brittany into giving in. i saw Brittany constantly speaking about how making sexual rpg with a pre-coming out LO was painful because of past traumatic experiences in the past, which only resulted on both tara and LO pressuring her further. Patch was manipulated financially and emotionally in order to comply to LO's fantasies. LO was fully aware that Patch was a mentally ill disabled person with a lot of trauma and she fully took advantage of that in order to have the kind of porn she wanted to, to the point that Patch legitimately felt like LO was cheating on Lizzy with them. Lizzy's twitlonger was just a futher confirmation of both those stories as they align perfectly. Lizzy would tell LO that she was uncomfortable with something LO wanted of her, LO would keep pressing until Lizzy gave in and when Lizzy tried to have an honest talk about how she still didn't enjoyed the thing she didn't want to do, LO would flip and make it Lizzy's fault. case in point, Lizzy told LO that she was uncomfortable with how LO invited everyone on her blog to come talk about what they would do to LO in sexual scenarios because it felt like public cheating. LO apoligized about it, calling it "the worst thing i have ever done" and Lizzy thought everything was fine... until LO opened up a separate blog entirely dedicated to her sexual rp with strangers (whose ages she was incapable of confirming) the very next day. one of the incidents Lizzy told was one where the pressure of doing sexual art she wasn't comfortable with was so great that Lizzy ended crying during a skype call. instead of offering any kind of understanding or grace, as a response LO got mad at her saying "now you're making me feel like an asshole", as if Lizzy was the one at fault. all these people either explicitely told LO what their boundaries were or LO should have known better than to ask certain things from them in the first place, only for LO to happily keep pressing on to get what she wanted and then get upset when they weren't happy about it. those boundaries were there, clear as they can be, but LO never took them seriously enough for her to stop.

that's exactly what LO is talking about on that response, down to try to make this into a fault from Lizzy's part. the part that i marked with red are those that look all the more telling to me of how LO never even bothered to look anything from Lizzy's perspective. if she knew already that LO would always get angry and flip at her at the minor sign of conflict, then it makes sense that she (who was only 19 when they started dating) would feel like it was best to bottle things up instead of talking it out. i can't blame her for reacting like this if she already knew by then that talking didn't meant anything, that LO would continue to do whatever she wanted no matter how she felt about it, that her boundaries would be ignored regardless. this fundamental lack of compassion is something we have talked about before here, where LO made it seem like the depression of a friend was in fact their fault and then seemingly didn't considered how this could affect that friend. i talked that given the response of LO then of course any friend she had that was struggling would prefer to not confide on her if that was the kind of response they'd get. same thing here when she talks about this alledged tendency of Lizzy of "lying" to her. more than that... "getting mad at crossing boundaries you never knew were there?" that is exactly what LO does whenever she gets mad at people for trying to give her free fanart on a specific style she didn't like or for asking how she was when she didn't want to or send her any other kind of positive message at a time when LO didn't feel like recieving one. there was no way for any of those people to have a clear idea of what to expect from LO and LO still treated them as if they had intentionally wronged her, going as far as to not accepting any apology after the fact. this is pure projection from her part. again. this is all what we're talking about when we refer to how LO shows a certain pattern of behaviour of an abuser.

second of all... this is a very obvious example of a self send anon because how would anon know about any of this? when did Lizzy admitted she never communicated her boundaries? when did Brittany or Patch? i read and heard the accounts of all of these people. Patch's story is a little more complicated because of all the other factors on their life, but both Brittany and Lizzy were always very clear about what they didn't want to deal with. anon just said a bold faced lie and then LO went on to treat it as indispustable fact.

#lily orchard #lily orchard is an abuser

66 notes · View notes