#i though it was just a typo but i see people on twitter call her that too so i feel like im crazy
Text
emeralda!
#gundam#hathaway's flash#emeralda zubin#my art#every day i wonder why the gundam wiki calls her emerelda..#i though it was just a typo but i see people on twitter call her that too so i feel like im crazy
45 notes
·
View notes
Note
Omg, I just wanted to say I ADORE your characterization of Al and Vox! I don't even have the words to express how much I love reading your stuff, especially the Anon responses you post on here. The behind the scenes thoughts are literally my food, lifesource, its so good when people not only write characters IN CHARACTER, but also include stuff about their analysis/understanding of the character too.. I'm literally obsessed with breaking down characters and yk, cracking their chrome domes open to see how they work (which admittedly, I am not the best at <_< but I love reading them). Just wanted to say how much I love your writing.
I had maybe 2 questions, please don't feel pressured to answer them :>
What in your mind (in reference to the 66.6 fics) would motivate Alastor to let Val get close to him in the first place? Or was that more you picking these two characters up by the scruff of their necks and plopping them into a hypothetical scenario to explore their character and write some fun intimate thingsTM?
What do you think of the dynamic of Vox and Al vs something like Lucifer and Al? Personally I've noticed that something Alastor craves, behind the mask of his static smiling persona, is attention. He's (at least how I saw it) usually peeved when people don't care about his absence, and seems especially bothered by the King of Hell refusing to really acknowledge him, so he goes out of his way to push Lucifers buttons (like calling himself a father figure to Charlie, IN FRONT OF HER ACTUAL FATHER LOL) whereas with Vox, Vox is literally CONSTANTLY thinking about Alastor. Man literally interrupted his regular TV program to do a segment about how much he totally didn't at ALL care about Alastors dissapearance or the fact that he returned (suree buddy). So Alastor can have more fun with him and annoy him by ignoring and messing with him on purpose.
ty if you do respond to this, sorry if it was hard to understand, sometimes I forget how to put the thoughts in my brain into coherent words!
Ahhhh, thank you very much, anon! I'm especially happy that you're enjoying my commentary on Tumblr, haha - I spent a while on Twitter because that's where all the fandom zines I was in were being hosted, but nothing beats Tumblr for giving me a nigh-unlimited word count and a captive audience for my rambling! >:D <3 I'm back to cocooning myself on the OG hell site.
Thank you for this ask, it really brightened my day! :D
As for your questions:
1. I'm assuming that was a typo and that you mean Vox (but in case you did mean Val: that was just a funny accident of him walking by the room! Alastor wasn't paying enough attention until it was too late), and to that I say:
I think Alastor allows Vox to take a go at him in canon because he finds Vox's obsession with him to be entertaining, but also because Alastor is kind of a narcissist and that same obsession massively feeds his ego, especially in a political climate that otherwise forgot about Alastor. Vox's whole "Who gives a shit about Alastor coming back?! Haha, now let me have a public meltdown and short out power to the whole city about it! Oh, fuck, why is he back, though?? Can we send a spy in to find out??" is exactly the reaction that Alastor wants every time he mentions his mysterious absence and gets brushed off.
At the same time, Alastor doesn't seem to register Vox as a sincere and genuine threat. He's a big enough fish in the Pride Ring pond that his obsession with Alastor is gratifying, but Alastor's self-absorption also doesn't really allow him to treat Vox as a threat tier above "annoying in a funny way, and also television is stupid." (Perhaps this will change in season 2... :eyes: (or perhaps Alastor will get Even Worse) (please god let him get even worse))
So those two things in combination make Vox the perfect candidate for Alastor to experiment with while maintaining his ego and not feeling particularly threatened. Despite Vox's Safeword 101 talk, Alastor would never put stock into that system with Vox unless he was certain that he himself would be able to back up a 'no' with overwhelming force. Him even considering safewords in the Live On Air! series is less for his own sake and more a politesse he offers on Vox's request to warn Vox to slow the fuck down before Alastor tries to put his insides on the outside.
2. And in direct contrast, we have Lucifer...
... Who Alastor obviously actually cares quite a bit about, because he's a whole nother power tier from both Vox and Alastor, and furthermore and possibly even more importantly, a credible threat to Alastor's relationships and standing in the hotel. I think a lot of discussion I see about Alastor prodding Lucifer seems to talk about how quickly he got annoyed about Lucifer's comments, but that misses the fact that he was pissed off before Lucifer even showed up. He got pissy the moment he saw the welcome sign, actually! And I wager that he was narratively absent for the scene where Charlie actually calls Lucifer because he would have done his best to manipulate her out of doing so had be been there.
And given that the two clearly haven't met before (though obviously Alastor knows of Lucifer - and hates that the inverse isn't true, hah), it's not 100% clear exactly why he's immediately so annoyed, but in my personal view of things and barring something like "he's projecting onto Lucifer because his contract is with Lilith," I think that what we know of Alastor's personality points most strongly to "he liked being the hotel's benefactor and sees it as His Project, and doesn't like the idea that Charlie called daddy for something that she thought mysterious, powerful Alastor couldn't handle." He distracts a lot with obviously-goading comments about practically being Charlie's dad in his duet with Lucifer, but underneath that he puts a lot of emphasis on the work he's done for the hotel and the fact that he's been supporting Charlie and the hotel from the start, so why the fuck is this deadbeat asshole suddenly turning up?!
Tl;dr: Charlie missed her insight roll on Alastor's personal investments and he's sooooo offended - and taking it out on Lucifer!
I think one of my favorite things about both Lucifer and Alastor is that they both sooo obviously belong in the Pride Ring, hahaha.
#ask#hazbin hotel#alastor#vox#radiostatic#my writing#anonymous#long post#part of the reason I love Alastor so much is that pride is also definitely my sin of choice#I relate to you#you horrible little narcissistic maniac you#meta#personal
68 notes
·
View notes
Note
why you hate jast blue so much?
I already gave many reason but if you want to know I can summarize it again.
First of all, I would like to say that I fully support localisations and always buy the English release even though I have the Japanese release too. But Jast blue really messed it up.
Before this I also was fully supportive of them and even recommended my friend to buy their dmmd release, because they promised they will do the game justice (something that was not always the case with the fan translation) but I didn’t know how the quality of it was at the time, and let me tell you how shocked I was when my friend shared her experience with the translation (keep in mind we are both major in Japanese language) she hated the game so much and said the translation made her experience worse.
It didn’t help that jast didn’t care about the complains of people about the translations and after all this I was already not that happy with them, but all their dirty lies unravelled in the following months. The quality of their game releases is bad, not only the translation, but the fact also that they “worked so hard” on something just to release a game full of typos and bugs, with a bunch of swearing added. They refuse to take any critics and block everyone who criticize them, that’s not how you treat your customers.
And my biggest problem with them is their translation and how they deal with games of a different culture. They have 0 respect for Japanese language and culture they just take the games and make an American version of it, and act like It’s the only correct way to do this. “Localisation” means making it understandable for people who you are releasing the game for, not to rewrite it in the way you like it. They are still stuck in the mentality of 2013 dmmd tumblr days and see BL games as nothing but porn made so people can make fun of it, and that’s how they advertise them.
The slow damage localisation was the last straw for me, their translation sounds nothing like the original game. The characters and especially the MC’s personality was made up by them, everything I see people “like” about him, was never in the original. How dare they to slut shame a character who suffered such a trauma (yes surprise there is no such thing in the original), they way they changed everything so they could keep up their “edgy and meme-y” image of the game is extremely disrespectful to the writer. The Japanese version and the English version could be not more different. Even the translator of the Korean patch said they pity us because of the bad translation. You are not supposed to put your own interpretation of a game as a translator, and this is what they do. The translator doesn’t like BL and you can see it in the way she translates the game.
Also, when I called out their editor on twitter for lying about not including certain words in the game, even though they did in the end, she instantly went to her follower to complain about how someone is mean to her instead of providing an answer to her lies.
I can’t believe people actually try to defend them. Jast blue has the most entitled American attitude I’ve ever seen. They act like they are so much better then everyone else and can’t make any mistakes.
You know why no other English released bl games get critics for their localisation? Because they don’t do all this and respects the material they are working with.
I’m not going to sit here and look at them doing this to every BL game, I want people to take these games seriously because BL games still have a very dirty image in the western community. I don’t want them to do more BL games. I’m sick of this clown show so that’s why I’m always asking people to not support them. They are not the only one releasing bl games, so I’m not worried of not getting English releases, and even if I rather have no English releases than a game, that disrespects the writer, the culture that is fully of bug memes and swearing.
73 notes
·
View notes
Text
social media mishap [kuroo tetsurō]
synopsis: kuroo explores and struggles navigating the world of social media
notes: inspired by these posts (one | two | three) as well. i wanted to write up a quick drabble for you all so excuse the typos!
warnings: mildly suggestive, kuroo being petty as usual
“i don’t get it.”
kuroo tetsurō stares at the screen of his phone, brows knitted in confusion as he tries to absorb the information just relayed to him by you.
“so you’re telling me,” he leans back, hands on his knees, “that linkedIn is not considered a social media app?”
“um, no, tetsu.” you blink, shifting in your spot. “i’ve made that pretty clear the first five times.”
kuroo had been talking about marketing for the jva, wondering of what ways he can engage more with younger audiences to get them interested in volleyball.
the poor man looks just as lost as he was from the get-go. “i met you on linkedIn though, doesn’t that count for something?”
“sure, if bugging yachi for my number through her linkedIn counts. i still can’t believe you did that.” embarrassment seeps into your skin when you remember getting a message from the rooster head, saying he’d like to work with you again. it didn’t take long for you to realize he actually had other motives.
he pinches your cheek, making you swat his hand away. “you were so cute. i didn’t know if i would see you again so i didn’t want to waste any chances.” he says. “and look at us now! linkedIn creates romances!”
“not normally. people don’t use linkedIn to flirt or date people.” you snort.
kuroo blinks. “but then how do people engage or interact with people? especially when you want to keep up with them?”
you blink, wondering how he can be so oblivious. “people use instagram, websites, twitter, facebook, even youtube. there’s many ways to reach audiences besides linkedIn.” you respond. “i don’t know why you don’t try one of those. well i mean i guess you have instagram, but why not something like twitter?”
“people on twitter are sensitive.” he huffs, “when that one guy insulted volleyball i got hate for defending it! can you believe that?”
“no honey, i can’t.” you respond, feigning empathy for him as you rub his shoulders. he doesn’t seem to notice the sarcasm in your tone and you relax. the memories hit you and you really don’t want to argue with him and tell him that calling someone a ‘preschooler’ is not appropriate.
you think the conversation is over but kuroo is still on his soapbox. “and listen, linkedIn been very efficient with conducting business. don’t judge. i’ve met many amazing people on there!”
“i’m not judging tetsu, don’t worry…and why does it sound like you’re using a dating app?” you laugh, “also, have you ever thought about using tiktok to reach younger audiences?”
“tiktok? no way.” he groans, “kenma said they’d bully and… ‘drag’? me for sure.” he uses quotes around the word ‘drag’ and you hold back laughter over how seriously he’s taking this.
“besides, i can’t keep up with kids these days. they’re weird. and scary.” he shivers slightly at the thought of making a tiktok.
“you’re so…” you trail off and shake your head, resuming your tasks of folding laundry. “never mind.”
“i’m what?” he challenges, tilting his head. “finish the sentence, sweetheart.”
“very much an old man. it’s funny how kenma knows everything about technology yet you know very little, and you’re only a year older than him.” you chuckle.
kuroo pouts at the sentiment, “hey, i’m trying at least. you should be proud of me. you told me to get a new phone, and i did!”
“after begging you many times.” you point out.
“that wasn’t the only time you begged with this phone. at least under different circumstances.” he winks, making you shove him away. your phone pings and you check it, a small grimace at whatever it was on your screen.
kuroo, attentive as he ever is, notices immediately.“someone bothering you?” he sits up straighter but his eyes darken slightly at the thought of someone disrespecting and upsetting you. no way is he going to have that on his conscious.
“no, atsumu just left a dumb comment on my instagram post again.” you say, waving it off. you disappear into your shared bedroom before kuroo has the chance to get another word in.
“‘again’?” he pulls out his phone before going to your instagram. upon seeing the post of you he almost gets sidetracked by how pretty and beautiful you are before seeing what atsumu wrote.
his eyes widen at the message before glaring. before he knows it, his thumbs are moving across the screen to reply.
he doesn’t think too much about what happens after but when he sees you stomping from the bedroom, an upset look on your face he knows something he did was wrong.
“tetsurō, why did you comment on my post that you’re going to get atsumu fired from his job?!” you yell, holding up your phone. “on the japan volleyball association account of all places?”
kuroo’s heart skips a beat. “crap, that wasn’t my personal? well, whatever,” he shrugs nonchalantly, “look i know people. i can do things. it’s not my fault that he wanted to bad mouth you.” he turns his nose up before sighing, “you should be thanking me for being a good husband looking out for his wife.”
you shake your head, rolling your eyes. “he was joking? it’s how we mess with each other. and…you can’t just threaten people online?” you look at your phone and let out a distressed noise. “great, now atsumu’s blowing up my phone wondering what you meant.”
“you know i don’t understand tone indications on the internet!” he whines, starting after you. “and maybe he deserved it—”
“kuroo.” you say sternly.
he smiles that sweet smile that he thinks will get him out of trouble, “yes, kuroo?” he pulls you close and nuzzles his face into your neck.
“this is your problem, fix it.” you shove your phone towards him before pulling out of his grasp to walk away. your phone buzzes and there’s no need to look at the caller ID to know who it is.
kuroo sighs, knowing he’s going to be spending a lot of time making it up to you tonight. he takes a breath before answering, a charming smile on his face.
“miya, hi! how are ya?”
endnote: for context to the atsumu thing, you and him are friends and often mess with each other on each other’s posts. he posts a lot of thirst traps on his account so you always say he’s ‘trying too hard’ or looks ‘ugly’ with the faces that he makes. he’ll often say something of the same thing under your selfies out of pettiness.
do not copy and or repost. likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated though! (c) 2022 hyeque
tag list: @sabyss @boo-kugo @melianlmfao @ohtobiors @duckymcdoorknob @explicitlyfine @suckerforsugawara @little-nightowl @strqndedstones @tetsoda @jeansbabycake @lunaevangeline @simpforerenn @pelicanpizza @cirigiri @ray-lol @oikawas-milk-bread @tetsukentona @icedhoneyy
#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader#kuroo x reader#kuroo x female!reader#haikyuu kuroo#kuroo tetsuro#kuroo tetsurou#kuroo drabble#haikyuu drabble#kuroo fluff#haikyuu fluff#kuroo tetsurou x reader#hq fluff#hq kuroo#hq x reader
537 notes
·
View notes
Text
フェア関西のルームメイト二名 (The Two Roommates from Fair Kansai)
Chapter 3: The Meeting
Previous | Next
Description: In which while typing a roommate ad online, the famed Miya Atsumu, (23) MSBY Jackals Setter, makes a detrimental typo that leads to an influx of women applicants. Confused, but not completely opposed (the idiot), Miya Atsumu lands on a formidable candidate. Y/n L/n. A Biotechnology major at Kansai University, looking for a change after her last disastrous roommates and some space from a particular complication. It’s odd, but it’ll work. Maybe a little too well.
Pairings: Miya Atsumu x Reader
Warnings: None!
Word Count: ~1k
A/n: Cross posted from my AO3. I wanted it to be longer, but I'm stuck in a bit of a writing block and still wanted to get something out, so here it is.
Atsumu regarded himself as a pretty charismatic individual. From his minor fame in high school to his much more public image now, Atsumu had a knack for carrying a conversation and keeping things interesting. Even with first dates he was good at cutting through the awkward and keeping things lively. So why was his mind suddenly running a blank now? He had resorted to fiddling with his straw and cup as he wracked his brain for what to say next.
“So, you’re a guy.”
Atsumu glanced up to the woman, Y/n L/n as she had introduced herself, sitting across from him. When he first explained the situation, she seemed taken aback, but not appalled. But the tense silence was getting to Atsumu and making him antsy again. She was just sitting there, looking at him and it was pretty intimidating. He assumed this is how uncomfortable people got when he would do this with them.
It wasn’t laced with malice or anger, however, but it was more of an analytical gaze. She seemed to be trying to pick him apart piece by piece; see what his motive was. Atsumu shouldn’t have expected anything less from the Biotechnology major. He couldn't blame her either. This whole situation was strange and, if he was being honest, something out of one of the rom coms that Osamu was into a while back.
Y/n sat back in the chair with her arms crossed as she awaited his response. Atsumu still wasn’t quite sure what to say, so he stuttered out a yes. She gave him another look over then looked off in another direction, contemplating something. Still looking away from him, she spoke again, “You know, there are better ways of getting into a girl's pants.”
Atsumu felt his face slightly heat up, “Excuse me?”
“I’m just saying, you should just download a dating app if you just need to get some. Setting up some fake roommate ad is going to be more hassle than the payoff.”
“My sex life is just fine, thank you.” He huffed, “And this isn’t a fake roommate ad. I really do need a roommate, but I made a typo when I wrote it. I was going to rewrite it, but I thought I’d at least see if anyone who responded would be a good match.”
Y/n raised an eyebrow and turned her head to look back at Atsumu, “And how many of us passed your inspections? Or are you gonna pull the ‘you’re the only one for me’ shit?”
Atsumu was going to be a tomato by the end of this conversation if she kept this up. In all honesty, Y/n really was the only one Atsumu thought he could even remotely tolerate as an opposite gender roommate. The other applicants were pretty much what he had predicted them to be. One of his crazy fans figured out that it was him and posted the listing on twitter. Which, come to think of it, might be a security issue. But he’d just have the Black Jackal’s PR manager deal with it later.
Not all of the applicants were crazy fans, but the few that weren’t his fans still weren’t great options either. Osamu and him picked out three contenders, though, just to avoid putting all of his eggs into one basket. But being called out on that fact wasn’t exactly fantastic for his ego.
“You’re not the only one,” Atsumu partially lied. “I’m meeting with a couple others over the next couple of days. You just happen to be the first.”
“I’m honored.” Y/n’s tone was flat and uninterested. “Tell you what, if I wasn’t in the situation I’m in right now, I would’ve already walked out the door-”
“Gee, thanks.”
“But, I’m a little desperate,” Y/n’s face flashed with something like discomfort or hurt. “So I still want to room with you. Send me a text when you make up your mind.”
Y/n was certainly nothing like Atsumu, but then again so was Osamu and they seemed to get along just fine. Although there was the fact that they were brothers, so Osamu didn’t really have a choice in the matter. Though in the 15 minutes they had been talking, she wasn’t completely repulsed by him. And as an added bonus, she didn’t seem to be an avid volleyball watcher--which did slightly gut Atsumu, but they would work on it--so she didn’t seem to recognize him. At any rate, he just needed someone to live with, they didn’t have to be best friends. Tolerance was his bear minimum and Y/n certainly seemed to check that box.
Atsumu agreed to message her when he’d decided and with that, the two parted ways with a, admittedly awkward, handshake. Atsumu met with the other three on his and Osamu’s list, but he already had his answer even before. He’d found his roommate and he figured that it’d be relatively smooth sailing from here.
The lingering butterflies in his stomach after texting her 3 hours ago claimed otherwise.
#miya x y/n#miya x you#miya x reader#miya astumu#atsumu fic#atsumu fluff#hq atsumu#atsumu x reader#haikyuu atsumu#atsumu miya#atsumu#atsumu x female reader#atsumu x y/n#atsumu x you#haikyuu x reader#atsumu angst#hq x y/n#haikyuu atstumu#haikyu!!#hq#haikyuu x y/n#haikyuu x imagines#haikyuu x you
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
zone 5. i've been put through the churner i am now butter. major msq spoilers below & sidequests in respective areas as well
z1 / z2 / z3 / z4 / z5 / z6
- otherwise known as "pipis room"
- oh my "elidibus will become a small white dog" theory got smashed. well it is better than being trapped in the rave tower and really that is kinda just that for him which is fine
- HYTHLODAEUS MOTHER OF ALL VIERAS
- hades you look busted as hell that's what you get for being a conservative
- IM BEING PICKED ON BY LONGMEN BRO
- also me going like "oh yeah my azem does not have to look like gourd" -> them immediately busting it. though I did design gourdteenth to share a lot of facial features so it's whatever
- oh my god the pipis room looks like what I imagine the amaurotine egg hatching room to be like. LMFAO. OKAY. WELL I GUESS
- HI DAELYN aka venat. hey girl
- omfg stupid little amaurotine gourd
- fartdaniel you made an autistic bird child. okay
- and you made her an empath yep shes that girl going nuts i heard when zodiark died huh
- BEAST? good god when that gourd beast hits
- girl I can make you an apple. just give me a moment
- aw hermes. you were such a gentle dude. too bad you are just too afraid of death
- UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOW I HAVE TO WRITE AROUND AZEM GIVING HADES A MF RECOMMENDATION i mean it's not impossible im just already reaching cus i dont care about this man
- gourd's stupid hips give him an ass in the robe that the others do not have as elezen bases it is sickening
- YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THE AMAUROT FATAL FLAW MATCHES MY THING
- bro hermes my azem and aletheia were definitely fucking up flowers making them all nasty and yucky disgusting for similar reasons you guys should have met
- IM SICKKK
- THE RONKA WORM?
- THEY'RE STILL NOT EXPLAINING THE BEAVERS...
- THAT FUCKING ENTRANCE VENAT ARE YOU KIDDING MEEEE I LOVE YOU
- he looks so annoyed at hades butting in LMFAOOO my 1 in character moment *clutches*
- corn
- oh yeah you were insane and depressed and heavy with guilt btw hades. there's this thing called "mental illness" and your acquaintance hermes is exhibiting it also
- i mean thats what I told the people on the twitter emet selt
- this whole time im living in fear they'll show me a hyurlezenified peeled gourdteenth
- she does the wol hand fist im so. you're everything
- [archivist voice] shouldnt you be ummmm dead venat. Just saying
- the fact we get to tell her the world is beautiful. GODDD THIS IS ALL I WANTED
- im gona fucking cry they are so important to me
- THAT DUELLL SHE'S SO COOL osrry im insane.
- i admit being a little hurt when argos did not like me immediately HOWEVER..i hope we get him as a mount one day. also he wiggled for me
- @ the priggish taxonomist you are goingto name it cactuar right. you are calling it a cactuar yes
- oooh that's my first time catching a typo in this game. "I will see this creatures" in the flight of the charybdis sidequest
- also im...shocked that the...dynamis dice.
- oh hey! "it's all wrong" <- definitely overthinking this
- oh man meteion's descriptions of the other planets...one must be the one omega's from. and they are all very lonely
- WHY IS SHE THE CHARACTER OF MY DREAMS RE: AMAUROTJUST MAKING EVERYTHING COME TRUE. i glug
- sorry you are way too sexy with a sword and shield for me NOT to make you tank *kicks emet selt off* also selch as anything but a blm seems wrong which im assuming he is
- bard hythlo...cute
- i dc'd mid dungeon head in hands Please their dps is so low
- No My Power "😔". sorry hermbies
- it's okay hermy it's terrible to say this but because of you I have my world. also emet selch what mf legacy. ALSO WHY DIDNT YOU TWO JUMP WITH US? LMFAO?
- also the implications from sidequests and notes and stuff that the tribes people are like.....made...by the ancients....while the playable races are just the ancients kind of abysmal not gonna lie I hope I am wrong
- mitron sending his mf students to get flowers for his date? god was he always a weirdo then
- oh my fucking god. venat. my love.
- also in retrospect. hermes being like I can transform to help & e-s being like Um no that's embarrassing and weird. and he's like ok. i guess & then later he's like ahhh this is so sad *transforms before anyone can say anything*
- honestly. gourd would not escape the planet for myriad reasons but one of them being he does wish to die under the same sky that the spires did. and also it's the world venat loves so much
- CID TIME? PERHAPS?
- also neglected to mention since I was wondering if i should split the post here but graha really is shining this expac that's my boy...i cant believe he got that sequence though LMFAOO he and alisaie bffs
- also you sharlayans totally fucking plan to exclude the tribes dont you
- sicard is so fucking funyn he's just this random pirate guy everyone let into the room
- them saying "oh I bet this task would be boring for you" I DID ALL THE SIDEQUESTS ALL OF THEM WHAT DO YOU MEAN I LOVE THIS SHIT and I can teleport into the coils and grab it in like a day. come on <- wants to be alone
- s-...seiryu..?
- i know this is supposed to mirror the talos arc but honestly I'm not super enthused about the ark. i live in a world with elongated musks man
- being given actual allotted time to do sidequests is sweet though
- i'm out of image slots on this post but Silken Grin is one of the cutest femroe npcs ive seen
- aw I was hoping I'd get to drag around 4 loporrits and 1 urianger
- bro do NOT learn about the culinary arts from SHARLAYAN
- oh. wow that hit me for some reason urianger & moen's parents. ouugh...seeing her hug him and be glad he's here. im happy for you gentle elf man
- "You can live here your whole life and hardly learn a thing" MANN ew is so good. so good
- erenville you hansome little man OH MY GOD ALPHA AND OMEGA? and ohhh graha is so happy to see NOAH again
- GRHA LMFAOO THANK YOU FOR CUTTING IT SHORT. sorry i just. good for the twins I guess i just do not care
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
I didn't like the LOKI show, no matter how hard I try, and it's messing with me.
My mother died at the end of December. A lot of other bad things happened as well, like the severe brain injury of my father.
I didn't cry. There was so much to do. I did it. And even then, when there was nothing left to do, I didn't cry.
I found distractions.
Today I went to see the Green Knight after a tough week at a new job that had me leave my father in another province even though he still needs help. I was trying to get back to the life I'd dropped.
I loved the Green Knight. The Arthurian Legends are as dear to me as Norse Mythology, and my copy of them had the Green Knight on the cover. The film was truly excellent, evoking the feel of the story whole still doing something unique and very A24. I cried at one point, like I did when watching the first THOR, because of how much it meant to see something I'd loved since the very first years of my existence finally make it to the big screen and be...right. It's own thing, it's own artistic product, but right.
Then I opened a tab in a browser and saw I had some messages on a website I comment on. It was just some minor criticism of the LOKI show I'd posted beneath an article and how it handled certain things.
I was downvoted. Berated. Hated. Lumped in the ad hominem twitter users who attacked the director and writer (I'd never, ever!) Told I was biphobic because I wanted to see more of a queer lens (I even addressed how difficult it is for bi people in queer cinema and society in general in my criticisms of the romance, but even that wasn't good enough - just disliking it was 'bad'.) I was told I just wanted my 'fanfic' made (I never made any laundrylist of plot points I demanded). I was accused of being a begrudged shipper (ha! If anything I'm an anti-shipper). I was told that I should love the show, it was awesome, and I was bad for not thinking so.
And I started to cry.
I don't cry. Only at movies. Not at real life. I didn't cry at my grandparents's funerals, I didn't cry when I was left with the body of my mother in the hospital room and my brother cried on my shoulder. I didn't cry when working through my dad's severe new disabilities as I realized how much he had lost. I didn't cry while realizing how messy my parents' finances were. I didn't cry when my mother's friends called me in the middle of the night and cried into the phone. I didn't cry when saying goodbye to my dog and going back to a rundown apartment with a terrible smell so I could go to work in a dark room for hours at a time.
But now I'm crying and writing this.
I've realized why. During everything, I looked forward to the LOKI show. The first THOR is deeply nostalgic to me and I watched it often in my first year of Uni when I was away from home. It tied in thematically to what I was going for. Thor 2 came out before I went on exchange, and while I disliked it overall, talking about it was a welcome distraction from my anxieties. Thor 3 was nerve-wracking, but it also came out during my first major job which I was struggling with, and I saw it so many times in theatres...it was such a huge comfort.
Looking forward to LOKI wasn't just a distraction. It was like a promise. A promise that I'd make it till then and see it and maybe it'd give me some comfort.
That's on me. That's a personal thing. It's an unreasonable expectation.
But I needed it, all the same.
Then it came out.
I tried. I really tried to like it, to forgive it, but the problems are things I've criticized for too long in so many other things. I always try to be respectful about, I never go ad hominem and attack the creators, only critique their work and I always mentioned what I liked but...
I didn't like it.
I have no urge to rewatch it.
And the Green Knight...the Green Knight was everything I wanted and needed it to be. It didn't let me down, though I've been anticipating it about as long as the LOKI show. They're very different, obviously, but in my heart they share the same compartment.
And after a very trying day...I realized how badly I needed to rewatch a Loki show I liked. But I can't even enjoy THOR or Thor:Ragnarok anymore. It's like everything I did like has been poisoned.
This thing that got me through immense pain is causing me pain. I don't want to be toxic. I'm sure it's in me. I try so hard not to wallow in disappointment, but to not even be allowed to talk about my problems without being lumped in with abusive online monsters...
I can't do it. I just can't.
This is supposed to be an escape, not another trial.
I needed the LOKI show to be good, so I could come out of the dark into the light, or at least walk through the night with a lantern ahead of me. And instead it was just more darkness, and it's not even entirely its own fault. It's the online discourse. It's the uncalled for harassment of Herron and Waldron. It's the taunting jabs at people who didn't have a good time as if we're all jerks. It's having people roll their eyes when you point out things that made you uncomfortable in the story, it's feeling slightly gaslit when you find something gross that the story intended to be gross and then being told it's not gross, actually.
I'm sorry. I don't want to cause pain. I just...
I needed it to be good. And unlike Thor 3, which delivered me respite in a dark time...it let me down. Worse, it's hurt me.
I said I don't cry, only at the movies. Something about them lets me cry in a way nothing else does. I can't cry at a funeral, but I can cry in a movie theatre at the drop of a hat. It's a release valve, a way for me to process things.
I think I was waiting for LOKI to give me permission to cry. To give me something that could release this pain in me. And instead, it just gave me more.
I never should have given it that power. I didn't want to. But I had to, to get through this.
I'm putting away the few THOR pieces of tat I have. I feel foolish. I always knew it was a capitalist piece of art, chucked from creator to creator with no creative shepherd, which in itself was stressful.
The fandom is no sanctuary for me either, since I'm primarily interested in the family dynamics and I'm sick of 'Odin is an ABUSIVE MONSTER' stories or even unrelated fics and posts just dropping in hate for him that's not at all canon but seems to be very popular to the point where people think it is. Especially since I often read these stories when I need to think of home and my father. Or, most pleasantly of all, when I get called an abuser or abuser-enabler because I say I like Odin as a character. I also can't really bear to deal with anything to do with Sylvie, whom I had high hopes for as someone who wants more female tricksters, but instead I got this...this Mary Sue that's very hard to criticize without being yelled at. I swear I'm coming at her writing as a feminist and I don't hate anyone, I don't, I just...sigh. She's just personally frustrating to me and not being able to discuss it without being called names sucks.
Not to mention I'm asexual, and I always struggle with romance in media being pushed as the 'ultimate relationship more important than any other'. Part of the reason I liked THOR so much was that romance was not the main feature of THOR and definitely not THOR 3 (while my disliked Dark World was all about it, and so is LOKI). And when I criticize the romance, I get called a prude (guilty, I guess), a troll, or, my favourite, just 'a hater'.
I don't want to hate. Who wants that poison in their veins? I'm here because the Thor series HELPED me because I LOVED it. And now I look at the things I used to love and I...don't, anymore.
So much is asked of me right now. I can't willingly invite this painful thing to sit on my chest as well, especially since the world is already shoving it into my face without my doing anything, in ads, in news, in everything.
I suppose that's why I've leaned even more into Odin lately. He was untouched by the LOKI series (though not the Simpson special, which worries me). He's a trickster, he's queer, he's nuanced, he's 'misunderstood' (that old cliche, but he's misunderstood and misrepresented by the people always yelling about how this or that character is misunderstood, which amuses me, except when it gets to me), and he's in many ways free to make my own.
I still have some stuff I'm going to publish that's practically finished. Finnesang has a lot more written for it but needs some major sit-down time for re-writes and edits. Lokabrenna is practically done, just needs tweaks and Beta. I'll be here a little longer.
But I think I'm going to have to step back for now and put my passions into other things.
I will be back. After all, after Thor 2 came Thor 3. Maybe Love and Thunder will right the ship and Thor can still be awesome, and maybe eventually a creative I love will come to work on the franchise. Really, that's the key for me - I loved Branagh before THOR, and loved Waititi before Thor, and disliked Waldron's work (though I gave him every benefit of the doubt and hoped and prayed to be wrong - sadly, it was what I expected.)
But...if LOKI season 2 is more of this, more romantic tropes I hate and Loki being an afterthought in his own show and his family being devalued for new characters...I can't do it. I can't watch something I used to love just throw that all away for something I dislike.
My tears are finally drying. I wrote a lot of this while the screen was blurry, so I hope there's no grammar or typo too embarrasing. I'm not sure I have the strength to re-read it. Sorry for the rant. It helped me feel better.
Thank you all. I hope I feel differently someday.
17 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.
Interview with Chimerical
Chimerical’s stories aren’t at Gossamer, but you can now find them at AO3. If you have not read them, are you in for a treat! For instance, Regular People and Regular People Still are some of the X-Files fics I have read and re-read. You may also know Chimerical from her site Chimerical Publications, which was an extensive Mulder and David Duchovny fansite. Big thanks to Chimerical for doing this interview.
Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?
I’m not surprised at all that X-Files fandom is still popular, it was an amazing, creative show with iconic characters. Aside from just being entertaining, like all good Sci-Fi it asked deep, profound questions about the nature of relationships and humanity. It’s these things that people remember more than the MOWs.
However, I’m surprised to hear that my stories are still read, mostly because there is always something new, someone has a new take, and of course, we have the more recent episodes which provides all new fodder for writers, which is wonderful. But it’s super nice to hear that stories from the classic show still mean something. Also, I wasn’t a prolific writer, there are only 12 stories, but perhaps they struck a chord and people like to revisit them the way you like to re-watch a favorite episode or movie.
What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?
Fanfic is certainly not new, but The X-Files was absolutely at the right place, at the right time. The internet was just really taking off, and it enabled fans to connect instantly in ways that hadn’t before. I remember that Fox used to send out Cease & Desist letters in an ill-considered attempt to stem fanfic because the Suits just didn’t understand what it was. Nowadays, of course, they embrace much of it, encourage it, even. Supernatural wrote whole episodes about it. But in the early days they were really stupid about it.
But what I took away from it was that great community can exist with people you have never met in person. There is a great sharing of ideas and love of great characters.
Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?
It’s true, no Facebook, twitter, tiktok – it seems strange!
But I connected to fandom though the old Usenet message boards, you couldn’t wait until the episode was over until you could leap on and start discussing the episode. And it was painful if you were on the west coast as I was because you would get spoiled. In truth, it wasn’t must different than Twitter, just without the character limitation. But it was rather the wild, wild, west, no moderators and no terms of service. It could be a free-for-all, and some of the disagreements were legendary! For writing, certainly ATXC was the big dog for fic, and of course alt.tv.x-files for discussion. There were many different Yahoo Groups and AOL mailing lists, that catered to interests in fanfic (Friendship/Adult/Slash) or to the characters and/or actors.
But frankly, the main thing I remember was what a complete PITA it was to just get anything posted. There were all these size limitations and ASCII issues that don’t exist today, you had font and formatting limitations, which cause people to get weirdly creative with italics, bolding, quotes and so on. And you had to break your story up in weird way simply to jam it into the email because there were size limitations. And it never failed that no matter how many Beta Reads you had, you didn’t see that last damn typo until AFTER you hit the send button. There was no edit button, all you could do resend the whole damn thing. It was the fanfic version of the 20 mile walk to school through the snow……Kids today have it so easy! LOL….
What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?
Actors are, and always will be, the face of the show. David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson are amazing actors, and the nuance they brought each week was a wonder.
But one of the things that the X-Files also did was make people aware of the people behind the scenes, the showrunners, the writers, the directors. This was also something new. For most TV dramas, most people couldn’t tell you who wrote an episode if you had a gun to their head.
But people knew the writers like Vince Gilligan, James Wong, Darin Morgan, and of course Chris Carter and Frank Spotnitz. And they knew the directors, Rob, Chris and the late great, Kim Manners.. It was like a repertory company. You could count on Morgan & Wong for the creepy, you could count of Vince Gilligan for the humor and relationship stuff, you could count on Darin Morgan for the “what the hell was that, but I loved it.”
So I guess what I took away was a deep appreciation for the craft, for the work. This carried over to other fandoms. I’m more aware of the creative team beyond the actors.
What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?
Believe it not, I didn’t watch at the beginning. I’ve always been a Sci-Fi fan but for some reason this wasn’t on my radar. I came in about the middle of Season 1. I was channel surfing and stopped the X-Files, it was the episode “Ice.” I won’t lie, I stopped because I saw David Duchovny in a henley and I’m never one to pass by an attractive man. But as I watched, I became intrigued by these two characters, and their conflicted relationship with each other, even though I didn’t really know what was really going on. But I had to know more. That’s good writing, where you can walk in half-way through an episode and be captured.
I immediately checked out the old AOL Service forums and found a group. Of course, back then, there was no streaming, there was no BitTorrent. So, you just had to wait until when and if the network decided to show a repeat, which meant you were screwed if you were trying to catch up. But someone on one of the boards offered to send me VHS tapes of the episodes of missed. That’s fandom as its best - I’m excited about this and I want to share it with you. So in about a week I was caught up and hooked. I had to see how these two people’s story turned out.
What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?
I’ve always written as a hobby, taken many writing classes, have always written short stories, worked on a novel or two. I’ve got friends who are writers by profession. But the closest I ever came to doing it professionally was co-writing a play that ran for a month off Broadway many years ago, so I’m a dabbler, at best. I’m a big reader, and good stories always make me think, “well, what if this happened….”
So, X-Files wasn’t my first fanfic rodeo. I had been involved in Quantum Leap fandom and Beauty and the Beast, some Star Trek. Once I good hooked on the show, I immediately began searching out fanfic. But it took me a long time before I wrote anything. I’m not sure why, perhaps I was waiting to see where the story went. But X-Files was different in that it blended one of my favorite genres with a truly compelling relationship story. And I don’t just mean romance, it was a melding of two entirely different ways of looking at the world that was captivating. Scully was so strong and Mulder so complex, how could you not love them.
So, I enjoy writing, I learn from it. I learn from the feedback, both good and bad. I’ve never understood fanfic writers who say “just sent me nice feedback.” No one loves criticism, and not all criticism is valid. But you learn from it. I’ve had people tell me they hadn’t looked at an episode from that point of view and they like it - and I’ve had people tell me that I didn’t know what I was doing, everyone knew that Scully would never cuss (to which I say, please, she grew up on military bases!) But it helps you improve.
What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?
It was a period of my life I cherish because I met some friends who are still my friends to this day, all these years later because we found other things in common besides a show. It was great to share ideas and debate storylines. And it was a fun, creative, and exciting time. Each episode was must-see and then talking to my friends about it later was the best part.
I started to drift away when David Duchovny left the show. I thought then, and still think, they should have called it a day because the beating heart of that show was Mulder and Scully together. You can’t rip out half the heart and expect the patient to live. On an intellectual level, I got why Duchovny left, I got why Anderson stayed and I got that Fox was a fledging network back then and XF was a cash cow. But on an emotional level, it all turned upside down, especially when the much-promised “search for Mulder” never really happened.
Fans got angry. They were angry at David for leaving, they were angry at Gillian for staying, and they were angry at poor Robert Patrick, perfectly decent person, for merely existing. It got ugly and I got up caught up in that. Frankly, I was as much to blame as anyone in carrying on stupid arguments about crap that didn’t matter. And one day I just realized I’d let all the joy be sucked away, and this just wasn’t who I wanted to be, or how I wanted to spend my time. So, I took a break, I still watched the show as it limped on, but I disconnected from the fandom part of it. And by the time I’d had my break, the show was done!
Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?
I’m always a fan. There are many shows I’ve followed and liked, Supernatural, Fringe, Walking Dead, but I don’t get involved in the internet drama. So, I don’t get as invested.
Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?
I assume you mean besides Mulder and Scully! In literature, My favorite writer is John Steinbeck and every character he created was indelible and singular. East of Eden is my favorite book and the characters of Adam & Caleb Trask, as well as Cathy Ames are so well drawn. Of Mice and Men, Cannery Row, they’re all perfect. Another favorite book and character is Alexandre’s Demas, The Count of Monte Cristo. The arc that Edmond Dantès’ life take is quite Mulder-esque. And of course, Harry Potter, I’m a sucker for a character fighting against overwhelming odds.
On TV, Sam Beckett from Quantum Leap. That was an amazingly well-crafted series, also featuring a female show runner, Deborah Pratt. I love the character of Raymond Reddington on The Blacklist, there is something about a completely unapologetic bad guy. I would have once said Dean and Sam Winchester, but sadly that turned into a case of staying too long at the fair and I stopped watching a couple seasons ago - But the early seasons rocked. Literally every single character in M*A*S*H was golden, and they knew when to call it quits. Thomas Magnum from the original Magnum PI. (People my age will still remember the “Did you see the Sun Rise, Ivan” episode!)
Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?
Oddly enough, a few weeks before you reached out to me, I watched the X-Files movie again. I remembered the incredible excitement when it came out. Fox did this tour across the county; it was like a mini-con. But I remember they had the trailer on a loop and my friends and I sat through it so many times we could recite the entire thing by heart. TV shows, such as Star Trek, had made the leap to movie, but I don’t believe a TV show had ever made the leap to films while the show was still on TV. But damn, it was good.
I watched the two recent XF mini-series. They did much to revive the old feeling, especially the episodes by Darin Morgan, who is a national treasure. And it was wonderful to see David, Gillian and Mitch. I’m sorry there won’t be more.
Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?
I haven’t in quite a while. Mostly because real life has interfered (work, personal stuff, Covid) over this last year and I have trouble concentrating. But I would certainly return to it, you need the escape of a good story.
Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?
Oh yes! But they were all from the time I was writing. Lydia Bower, DashaK, BlueSwirl, XFBandit, Paula Graves, Taverl, Prufrock’s Love, and dozens of other are still on my PC.
What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?
Like children, they each have their virtues but some may be harder to love than others. While I love a good smutty MSR, I was also a big fan of conflict resolution. So, I’m going to cheat and split the baby here. Based on feedback, I’d have to day my most popular story was Regular People and its sequel. And I really enjoyed writing that. It’s simple, it’s sweet, it’s what I hope for Mulder and Scully. The chance to just BE, if only for a while.
I wanted to try a slash story, so Wind River. That story was inspired by the murder of Matthew Shepard. I have dear friends in the gay community and I was so angry that this could happen in this country, so that one was about the need to treat people compassionately and who better to do that than Mulder and Scully.
But in truth, my own favorite is one that didn’t get much attention, called Rock Bottom. I wanted to explore that the fact Mulder and Scully, were, on occasion, just truly awful to each other and yet still reason to come back together.
Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?
I have a couple unfinished stories. There’s one from Quantum Leap, I want to finish first and when that’s done, I would like to finish the two X-Files that are half-baked.
Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?
I do legal writing as a profession now, so I write all day long, but analyzing a case or a legal matter is not the same creatively and I do miss that, so I see returning someday, you need to feed your soul.
Where do you get ideas for stories?
Well that’s all over the place, much like my mind! Often I was inspired by something I thought was unaddressed in the episodes. That’s where the Just One series came from. Or it’s a Rosencrantz and Guildenstern kind of thing -- That is, what’s happening off screen while the main action is going on. I find that intriguing, and that’s where Risking Everything came from. The incident in By Coincidence actually happened to a friend of a friend and I thought it would make good fodder. Pentimento came to me following a lecture I attended at a gallery, what happens when you peel back the layers you thought were true. You never know what’s going to connect.
What's the story behind your pen name?
“Chimerical” means existing as the product of unchecked imagination, given to unrealistic flights of fantasy- which seemed right for a fiction writer, especially for XF. In the early days, it became the phonetic “KiMeriKal” when I was on the old AOL service simply because Chimerical wasn’t available as a screen name! But I’m finally [email protected]!
Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?
Yes, my friends are aware, some of them have been my betas over the years. My brother knows I write, but I don’t think he’s ever read anything because he would find the smut elements uncomfortable coming from his little sister!
Is there a place online (Tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?
The most recent versions of my stories are at AO3. If I ever get around to anything new it will be posted there as well.
Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?
Thanks for reading, thanks for remembering me, and it was a great time in my life. Fandoms are great communities as long as we can always remember there’s a human being at the other end of the keyboard. Be kind, be compassionate, and never stop imagining the possibilities.
(Posted by Lilydale on February 23, 2021)
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
No One Lives Forever Not Even God
Peter Parker x bisexual!reader
Peter Parker x fem!reader
Peter Parker x black!reader
Peter Parker x villain!reader
Warnings: Language, Insomnia, mentions of antidepressants, mentions of drugs, drug use, mentions of addiction, mentions of nazis, parental neglect, mentions of the dead, cemeteries, mentions of meltdowns, corrupt government, mentions of cancer, low self esteem, self destructive behavior, medical testing, thoughts of murder, mentions of injury, and mentions of knives,
Word Count: 6.1k
Songs: Mother- Pink Floyd, He Can Only Hold Her- Amy Whinehouse, A Pearl- Mitski, Me and My Husband- Mitski, Saint Bernard- Lincon, Why Didn't You Stop Me?- Mistki, Nuestro Planeta- Kali Uchis, You Know I'm No Good-Amy Whinehouse, and Love Is a Losing Game- Amy Whinehouse.
"I’ve been in a very poetic mood lately. I think it’s funny how anything could be considered poetry and something you relate too. Like Twitter or any other social media and the ongoing gag of people feeling the need to announce the fact that they’re making moves in silence. But that’s what I’m doing, making moves in silence. If anyone is in my business now I’m politely asking you to remove yourself from it before I make you.”
A/N: I only did one proofread so sorry if there are typos and this is just more of an infodump to set up other chapters so enjoy ig. I almost gonna start another series a social media AU let me know if you'd want to be tagged in either of these series.
Series Masterlist Previous Part Next Part
Nightmares come while I’m asleep but, when I’m awake the nightmares of the day just come for me then, so really I’m just stuck. I would like to say the antidepressants are working, it's just the insomnia that comes with them isn't working for me. I’m honestly starting to think mood stabilizers would do me better.
Mother, do you think they'll drop the bomb?
I’m not sure I could blame this all on the pills though. I’d have to give some of the credit to the massive bombshell that a certain ex Avenger had dropped on me.
It's almost like every five seconds a new giant secret about my mom is unveiled to me. Like sure I saw from the video that she’d left me that she had associations with some bad people like Kingpin but nazis?
SHIELD had apparently collapsed because it was infiltrated by Hydra but it was prevalent while my mom was still alive. Seems like she had worked for or with everyone who was anyone. I’m just gonna give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she didn’t know because up until two weeks ago I didn’t either.
Her and Natasha had been recruited at the same time and worked together but for someone who claims to have been so close to her you’d think she’d know that she was dead. “She went off the grid and that was the last I heard from her,” is all she gave me with a smile that even I could tell was fake and I’d just met the woman.
You know when grown folks come up to you and expect you to remember them because they met you once while you were like in the womb that’s kinda my relationship with Natasha. She knows so much about me and I know absolutely nothing about her save for the fact she's a spy meaning she’d be a great liar.
She used to babysit me sometimes if I could trust what she says that is. Apparently I called her “Auntie Nat”. For some reason no one ever thought it was a good idea to inform me that I had a godmother. Maybe they did and I just forgot.
I thought they were supposed to take care of you when something happened to your parents. And the one who’s alive is about as useless as the other. It might be fun to have another person that was considered family. Just maybe not a spy at least I’d know she’d walk out of my life so I won’t get attached.
Mother, do you think they'll like the song?
“Hey mom,” I sighed sitting down in the light dusting in front of her tombstone. “I know it’s been a while and I’ve got a lot to catch you up on,”
It took a bit of digging before I found what I was looking for in my bag. I ran my fingers along the cold surface of the small jewelry box. There was puffy white glue holding the larger pieces together.
I placed the box in the grass sitting next to the tombstone. I removed a purple coiled bracelet and sat it next to the box.
I tucked my legs under my body admiring the piece of jewelry.
“I brought you a bracelet,” I spoke. “It’s kinda like a friendship bracelet cause I have the other. I don’t know if I should leave it here in case someone steals it,” I laughed. “You’d have to be a real shitty person to steal from a cemetery though,”
I curse so often I didn’t realize I did it until I had already done it.
“Ah sorry! Excuse my French,” I chuckled.
“I met Natasha Romanoff and she said she knew you. She said she knew me too. I don’t remember her though…” I trailed off.
For someone who claimed to have a lot to say I sure was at a loss for words. I just didn’t know how to get any of them out.
“Oh! You’re not gonna believe me if I tell you but I got to meet some of the Avengers. Most of them were new though. You’d know some of them. Like Captain America I wanted his help but he couldn’t provide it,”
I had a bit of an episode when I was told no one knew where Thor was. I think it was justified though.
How the fuck do you lose two Avengers let alone the ones that can’t possibly be hidden. One is green and huge and the other leaves lightning bolts everywhere they go.
Mother, do you think they'll try to break my balls?
“The other is Natasha but I don’t think I really knew that yet. She went by Black Widow. I’m sure you knew that though. You probably know a lot,”
I wonder how many secrets she never told me about. I mean I could only imagine all the secrets working for the government would let you in on. Like she probably knew about big stuff like the Tesseract and aliens maybe she could’ve known about that.
“Okay I have a question. I have a lot actually but I think if you answer them I’m gonna get up and run out of here,” I joked.
“Number one is my middle name Natalia because of your SHIELD buddy? Like it might just be a coincidence but it could also be a godmother typa situation or something,”
It was a running theory. She would’ve known my mom before I was born. And if what I was told is true they’d be pretty close too and Natasha translates back to Natalia and I know she’s Russian. It makes sense.
Ooh
Mother, should I build the wall?
“Uh… there’s this boy,”
When was there not? It seems like there was always someone in my life. Carmen in therapist mode said it’s because I put my self worth into my relationship status.
“He’s really nice. Like really really nice. Nicer than anybody I’ve ever been associated with. It’s just he’s like…” I didn't know how to put the next part into words. “He’s just too nice. Too nice for me at least. Like he’s such a good person and I’m just me,”
“And it’s I feel bad,” I sighed. I was getting myself too worked up over this. “Like I keep playing like a game of tug a war with him where I let him in and kick him out again it’s tiring. I don’t even do it on purpose. I feel like we could be something maybe. But I can’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen. It’s a self defense mechanism. At least I think.”
I do it with everyone. I shut them out before they can get it. The less people you let into your life the less people that can walk out.
It’s a bulletproof tactic. At least I used to think it was. Never realized people could get hurt including myself.
“I saw dad,” I informed myself? I guess I’m not sure how healthy it is to have a conversation with someone you know can’t respond and isn't listening. “Like two days ago actually I didn’t say anything I freaked out and ran away. It made me think though,”
Mother, should I run for president?
Made me think about how I’d done so well on my own. Well I’m not gonna take all the credit, most of it was Carmen keeping my ass in line. I haven’t talked to her in a while. I haven’t talked to anyone in a while.
”I found a small studio apartment in Queens. It was the cheapest one I could find. I’m just renting it like an Airbnb right now. I need to find a permanent place and a job,”
I couldn’t find a permanent place at my age unless I had full autonomy which leads me to my next topic.
“So I was thinking about getting emancipated which everything would’ve been a lot easier if you were here then we could just go to court for custody cause you’d win for sure.”
Mother, should I trust the government?
“I know you never got to know how corrupt SHIELD was but do they like keep tabs on everyone who does anything to them or related to them? Because like I did a little snooping and I know they had files for all the Avengers and other people like Kingpin.”
I knew I was going to have to do more than sit here and ask a dead person what to do but ranting to someone who couldn’t spill my secrets was a start.
“I was just wondering how deep it went or if they had hidden stuff on me,”
Mother, will they put me in the firing line?
It’s probably common knowledge that if you mess with the government they’ll mess back. I’d like to think they were like bees. You leave them alone they’ll leave you alone. Only stinging when provoked.
But every branch of the government is like a wasp. They don’t die if they sting and they’ll sting you for no reason at all. They just like to see people in pain.
And I’m sure the energy research branch of SHIELD would probably be more than interested in a walking fire bomb that can move things without touching them.
I mean I’m not going to stop poking things around until I figure out what’s wrong with me. So might as well not complain.
“So I don’t have many things figured out right now and the whole you and SHIELD thing only confused me more so if you could just like come tell me what to do just this once that’d be great,” I laughed.
At first I was contemplating if this was weird or not but hearing me say that I now know this is pathetic. It always has been.
Ooh
Is it just a waste of time?
But I didn’t know if I should keep searching. Maybe I should just pretend like I’d never gotten introduced to the world of powers or mutations at all. For all I know Peter, Carmen, Felicia, Wade and I are just normal people who do normal people stuff.
Sure I wanted answers but I didn’t want to end up like those people who spend their whole life searching for an answer they won’t find any and end up never living at all.
Like a quote my mom used to say all the time “The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all,”
She really just used it so she didn’t have to listen to being put on bed rest but it obviously had a deeper meaning and she knew that.
I keep finding myself stuck on that phrase. That and the whole when the dust settles poem.
I’ve been in a very poetic mood lately. I think it’s funny how anything could be considered poetry and something you relate too.
Like Twitter or any other social media and the ongoing gag of people feeling the need to announce the fact that they’re making moves in silence.
But that’s what I’m doing, making moves in silence. If anyone is in my business now I’m politely asking you to remove yourself from it before I make you.
“Uh I don’t know if I should even tell you this cause you died before it was even a problem in the first place but…” I blew out a breath digging my feet deeper into the ground.
“I’ve been clean for like two weeks now. Which is actually a thing I’m pretty proud of right now.”
I’d stopped using everything except weed, nicotine because those weren’t drugs and even then I used it way less than before. Oh, and my antidepressants too but that’s obviously okay they’re prescribed.
I hated the word clean made me seem like an addict which I wasn’t. I’m many things but I wasn’t an addict. I just didn’t know of any other words to use.
I wasn’t an addict but I’d say the lines between recreational use and dependency were blurring just a bit. I had gotten it straight though. I’m good now. The antidepressants are helping.
Hush now baby, baby, don't you cry
“You have a superpower of just making people feel better immediately. I don’t know if it was the fact you were my mom or what but if you even just put a bandaid on a stab wound it’d probably stop hurting and disappear,”
I wasn’t even exaggerating there was this one time I got hurt at the zoo and she just kissed it and I forgot about the fact that I even fell.
I’m not sure how true that is though because I couldn’t actually recall the memory I was just told about it by my mom a few years after it happened. So I guess I remember not remembering then being reminded. Weird.
“I wanna see the giraffes!” Aaliyah cried, stomping her feet down on the concrete.
This was one of the only times mom didn’t have to work on the weekends and Liyah had to have her way like always.
“Mom!” I screamed “Tell her you said we could see the lions first,”
She just sighed. “Well since she’s the youngest do you think you could be nice and let her go first please?”
“Fine,” I huffed. I wasn’t doing it for Liyah, I was doing it for mom. Even a blind person could see how tired she’d been lately.
Liyah laughed at me sticking her tongue out. She’s such a brat.
“You’re so dumb.” I rolled my eyes at her.
“I know you are but what am I ?” She teased hitting my shoulder before running away.
I took off after her. She may have been fast but I knew I could catch up to her.
I almost had her when my foot got caught on something. It launched me towards the ground and I put my hands down to catch myself but I still hit my knee.
I slid on the concrete scuffing my leg. I didn’t scream because that would make me weak and it didn't hurt that bad. I just bit my lip and stood up.
I didn’t want to limp but it hurt too much to put pressure on my leg.
Liyah had beat me back to mom and when I reached them she was already apologizing.
Fake.
She was just scared to get in trouble. I wasn’t gonna snitch on her anyways.
“Let me see it,” Mom asked, grabbing my arm, pulling me to sit down on a stonehenge.
She reached into her purse and pulled out a first aid kit. She always had everything in her purse. It was kinda like a super power. The black Marry Poppins.
She wiped the scrape with an alcohol wipe and I just barely hissed. It didn’t even really hurt anymore.
She placed a bandaid on it, smoothing her hands on top of it before placing a kiss there.
“There,” She wiped her hands on her thighs before standing up “All better?”
I nodded my head and we went off to see the giraffes because I’m nice like that.
“In case you were wondering, Aaliyah still always gets her way even now. I’d say she’s got me beat on the manipulation game honestly,”
It’s fine though I taught her everything she knows not everything I know. I could still get one over on her if needed.
Mama's gonna make all of your nightmares come true
“I found your pendant, the SHIELD one. Which I guess makes all of this real no matter how much I want it to be fake. I just want this to be a poorly written book where I wake up and the past five years were all a dream,”
God knows how much I meant that. Well maybe I didn’t mean it too much because some people I’ve met in the past five years are people I don’t think I could survive very long without. Even though I kinda exploded on everyone so maybe I’m gonna have to test my theory on how long I can really survive.
“Hey Doc,” I greeted pushing up the door of the restaurant.
“Hey sweetheart, how ya been?” He queried.
“I’ve been better,”
“I hear ya,” He nodded.
Once we were in the back of the restaurant aka his office. I pulled out the diamond. Doc knew everything about everyone and anything. He could also make a duplicate of anything you gave him.
“Whatcha got for me?” He asked, rubbing his hands together.
“This, I’m not sure what it is,”
I placed the bird pendant on the desk. I found it in a shoe box filled with my mom's stuff.
“I was wondering if you knew,”
He lifted it up to his eye to get a better view, His eyesight so bad that his glasses were practically a magnifying glass.
“It’s a crest, I don’t think I’ve seen this before it’s most likely from a government branch,” He placed it back down on his messy desk. “I can do some more extensive research for you if you’d like,”
“Yes, that’d be great,”
“Stop by again tomorrow and I’ll fill you
I wish I never went back to Doc’s place or found out about flash drive, Vulture, SHIELD, any of it. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get anymore fucked up the devil came out the woodworks and spit in my face.
Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you
“I remember all that testing they did after I agreed to do whatever Stark needed me to do sooo badly. I still don’t really know what he did- or he’s doing with all that DNA and other stuff he’d gotten from me,”
Aren’t the Avengers and by default Tony Stark products of SHIELD so wouldn't that mean whoever’s behind all of that could’ve been the one to tell Tony about the fire thing in the first place.
That had been the main thing about the whole Stark situation that I still couldn’t figure out. Someone needs to tell me how he found out and they better tell me now.
“There are multiple lacerations 1-2 inches lining the upper and lower abdomen,” The doctor lady announced to her assistant. Before moving her cold hand away from my side pushing my shirt back down.
Okay that’s chill nothing I haven’t had before.
“We’re gonna have to do another X-ray is that okay?” Her assistant asked. I wasn’t going to bother to learn their names. I was planning to stay that long anyways.
What’s the point? They’re just going to come back and say the machine is broken and then do another blood test.
“Yeah sure,”
I was led into a much bigger room than the last. There was much more machinery too.
I was strapped down to a cold blue cushioned table by leather straps. Straps weren’t really necessary, not like I was planning on lashing out and mauling anyone.
I closed my eyes when the flashes of the machine went off. Apparently I had fractured three of my ribs and bruised my sternum.
You’d think they’d let me go now but noooo they need more blood and then when they were done drawing blood.
They had to hook me up to a machine to monitor- I don’t even fucking know what they were monitoring.
I just know I had all the pads with wires on my temples and chest and everywhere else. It reminded me of that one time I had to do a sleep study.
Except they didn’t have holographs to read off and fancy probably government funded tech then. They sure as hell didn’t have all this whispering either. Or maybe they did and I was just unconscious.
Still I didn’t even want to actually be here and I was cold for once.
“How much long do we have here?” I groaned.
“Not much longer. We just have and MRI left,”
Yeah right. I was gonna be in here for the rest of my life
“I could probably go back there if I wanted answers,” I spoke quietly.
“But I don’t want the government in my business like that well at least just not more than they probably are already at least and the tests are so invasive,”
Mama's gonna keep you right here under her wing
That’s not the only invasive thing in my life. Or should I say was in my life? I don’t fucking care really.
My dad was somehow the strictest and the most lenient person ever. I think he just wanted control.
I used to blame his alcoholism for everything he did but no really he’s just a shitty person. A shitty person who likes to beat on women and take doors off the hinges.
“You are so pathetic!” My mom screamed at my dad.
They had been at this all night. For so long that I’m seriously contemplating jumping out of this small window right now.
Sapphire had no qualms sleeping on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. Aaliyah and I however were still wide awake.
I’m not sure exactly what was going on in her head but I’m assuming we're still up for the same reason. To kill our dad if he even touches our mom.
I had a kitchen knife in hand as I sat on the bathroom sink. I always had a knife every time my dad started yelling a little too aggressively just in case but this time felt different. Like I was really prepared to stab him this time.
I didn’t know what it was but something felt off.
“Are they done?” Aaliyah asked, rubbing her eyes. The apartment had fallen silent.
“I don’t know. Stay here,” I hopped down off the sink.
I should’ve known she wasn’t gonna listen to me. The kitchen was empty which means they must’ve moved to their room.
The next moment was the sort straight out of a family sitcom except the family was falling apart and the kids were going crazy but otherwise it could’ve very well been an “oopsie” misunderstanding moment. Where the younger child asks “Are mommy and daddy getting a divorce?”
Then the oldest child pulls them into their body and whispers “I dunno kiddo,” or “No they’re just going through a rough patch,” anything like that.
Except it wasn’t that. That wasn’t what she said and that wasn’t what Aaliyah asked me.
God how I wish that was what she asked me.
I have a bad habit of acting before I think. I opened the door opening my mouth to let out the words in my brain.
“You’re dying? How are you dying?”
They both turned to look at me like they were just noticing they weren’t alone.
My mom sighed moving closer to me grabbing my arm.
“I’m- Im not no ones dying,”
The door creaked as Aaliyah pushed her way into the room.
“But you said ‘I need you to step up you need to know how to handle it when I’m dead’,” She paraphrased cleaning out the cuss words.
“It didn’t mean literally dying right now,”
Now I could see how this could be us just jumping to conclusions from like two sentences but she had been weird lately. Like she’s always traveled a lot and been secretive but lately she’s been extra secretive.
And I could tell the secret wasn’t to protect herself so whos to say it wasn’t the fact she was currently dying. It actually makes perfect sense.
I’m starting to wish I wasn’t always right. Stage 4 Lymphoma. Basically we should go coffin shopping pretty soon.
If only she wasn’t so selfish and would get treatment for it. She couldn’t leave me here by myself. Who’s gonna take care of us if she dies.
I’d thought about it before and I decided I’d take on the role of caregiver for my sisters but then it was only a what if situation.
Wade has cancer and he’s not dead but that’s only because he got pumped with like super drugs shit.
Now I just needed to find some super drugs and figure out how to get her to take them.
Fuck Cancer and fuck my dad. Why couldn’t he have gotten the diagnosis instead of my mom. A life for a life type beat.
I guess that wouldn’t have made for a good tragic backstory would it. And what fun is life without a tragic backstory.
My only question is when does the backstory end and when does the actual plot begin because clearly I’m not there yet. It’s only tragedy after tragedy.
Maybe that is my story, just pain and suffering. Someone has to be the butt of the joke.
She won't let you fly but she might let you sing
“You always told me to surround myself with people who you could block out the rest of the world with. Peter’s like that so was Olivia she was one of those people for me. When we weren’t yelling at each other or crying, I mean. Still wish you could’ve met her though,”
“AH YES!” I exclaimed, pumping my fist. “I found it,” I waved the joint in the air.
“Alright come sit down then,” Olivia laughed, patting the seat on the couch next to her.
“Shit,” I muttered. “Where’s the lighter?”
She just laughed at me again. Before reaching into my pocket and slipping it out. I couldn’t help but smile at how intimate that action felt for no reason at all.
I quickly and lightly pressed my lips to hers muttering a quick “thank you,”
About three minutes had passed and I could feel the weed taking course through my system.
My head was in her lap until I abruptly shot up gasping at the beginning of Super Rich Kids by Frank Ocean.
“Dance with me,” I pleaded it didn’t take much convincing because here we were twirling around. Although it was much more giggling than dancing.
I bumped my leg on the glass coffee table and immediately apologized making Liv and I laugh so hard I almost peed my pants.
I was laid out on the soft white fur rug with Olivia laying her chin on my chest. I ran my hands through her hair.
It was actually very easy there were no knots my fingers just glided smoothly through.
“I mean shit,” I breathed “I know I can’t run from the rest of the world forever but until then? Bitch you can call me Flash cause I’m zoomin’.”
She giggled at that before speaking up.
“You don’t have to run you can just stay here with me forever,”
Her words were so genuine it made me want to cry. She basically just said “I love you” in more or less words.
“You know what? I think I might,”
She gave me a tired smile, turning her head to place a kiss on the top of my breast.
I smiled back at her and how adorable she looked right now. I just want to kiss her for the rest of forever.
When I glanced back down at her I could hear her breathing slow and her eyes had fluttered shut. She was asleep.
I felt all warm and fuzzy and at peace and I couldn’t tell if it was the weed or if it was just being in Olivia’s presence.
I wasn’t ready to say these words to her when she was conscious yet maybe I’d never be ready but I’d say them now. Just to get them off my chest.
“I love you,” I whispered.
I never really felt comfortable saying that to anyone. Probably a result of not hearing it enough as a child or something. My family’s never been affectionate anyway. That’s fine because I wasn’t my family, I was my own person.
Stroking her hair gently before drifting off to the land of dreams myself.
So much for forever huh?
It’s funny to think how I took times like that for granted if only I knew those were some of the only moments of normalcy I’d get for a while. I’d spent too much time thinking about what could’ve been with almost everything.
So much so that I didn’t take much time to actually be. Now I feel like I’ve made it to the point of no return. Not mentally but like with everyone else around me. I think I pushed people too far away this time. Not so sure I could get them back.
“Uh I can't really remember what I’ve already told you so I’ll run through it all. This vigilante or superhero Spiderman started doing his thing then I got caught up in his mess.” That was most definitely an oversimplification but what do I look like telling my mom I was a well known thief. “Then his relation to Tony Stark got extended to me so now I kinda do stuff for him but I don’t work for him.”
I don't work for him he might think I do, but in reality he works for me. I had almost everyone at the compound wrapped around my finger.
“I don’t think I really wanna work for anyone. I was offered to be an Avenger in training but that isn’t really my style. I will use his gym though.” I rambled on.
It was kinda weird how easy it was to rant to my mom like this because not like she could voice her opinions about anything. I guess I hadn’t visited in so long that I forgot what it was like.
Mama's gonna keep baby cosy and warm
“Oh!” I exclaimed remembering a very important factor that I left out. “Then we have the whole Staten Island fiasco that I told you about. I remember telling you that. I’m still searching for answers on how I did that too,”
Like some real answers not that radiation BS.
“Your phone’s broken,” I pointed out the cracked screen sitting on the wood.
“Oh shit!” Peter cried “May’s gonna kill me this is the second phone I’ve broken this month,”
I came off way calmer than I was feeling. I’m surprised I wasn’t running around screaming right about now. I was probably just paralyzed in fear.
How do you react in a situation like this in the first place.
“Okay how long are we going to be sitting here? What are we waiting on?” We’d be up here looking down at the fire crackling underneath the pier for like 15 minutes now.
“I don’t know actually,” He sighed.
“Uh…”
How was I supposed to respond to that? That was the driest response to anything in the history of the world.
“Well since I’ve already pinky promised I won’t spill your secret can I ask some questions while we wait for you to figure it out?”
“Sure, go ahead,” He nodded, shaking his arms.
“Okay number one did you think I had died or something because if someone burst into flames in front of me I’d probably think Satan was coming for me. I’d cry too,” I laughed but had to stop myself as the stabbing in my ribs ran through me.
“No, I didn’t think you were dead, you had a pulse,” He pointed out “Maybe I could’ve thought you were dying though. And I wasn’t crying,”
Liar. He so was crying.
“Aw you don’t have to lie I think it’s cute,” I teased if I didn’t feel like my body was falling apart I might’ve poked his side.
“Alright, second question: do the webs like come out of you? Cause that’s kinda disgusting,”
“No, I make them with chemicals ‘n stuff. I’d explain the science to you but I’m not sure how much you’d care.”
I let out a small laugh knowing what feeling would come if I laughed too hard.
“I mean you could explain it ‘m just not sure how much of it I’d understand,”
We both laughed at that.
“On the topic of the webs what’s there integrity like how well do they hold up or like how long,”
“Uh…” He blew out a breath running his hands over his face “As far as I know they last up to two hours. That is unless someone cuts them or something,”
I couldn’t help but wonder if Thorn was one of those someone’s to cut the webs maybe I was the only someone. I didn’t really need to ask the question. Aaron had already answered the question for me when he told me about the deal at the ferry. I just wanted to see what Peter would tell me honestly.
I spent the rest of the night asking questions and cracking jokes. I was talking for so long I didn’t realize how late it’s gotten.
It should be a world record how fast I managed to fuck up 5 friendships. Well it’s my personal best at least. Only took like 4 minutes.
I feel like that’s all I do is just fuck up everything. I used to believe there was a difference between being fucked up and being a fuckup but the older I get the more I realize that there isn’t.
It’s like someone built a self destruct button in my head and every time something good happens to me I feel the need to run away.
Like Peter he’s literally perfect he's smart, respectful, adorable, and selfless. He’s literally a fucking superhero for godsake.
I was trying so hard not to fall asleep. I really was but all the Trigonometry chapter was doing was mixing with the sound of rain outside and triggering the urge to fall into a deep sleep.
“Okay,” Peter tapped his textbook with his pen. I wish I could be confident enough to do math with a pen.
“So sin is equal to the opposite of whatever angle you’re trying to find so first you have too…”
He droned on, I knew he was talking about the math problem lying on the bed in front of me but I wasn’t listening. Maybe if I sat at the desk I could actually be paying attention right now.
“Y/N?”
“Hmm?” I sat up on my elbows yawning.
“Are you tired?”
I just hummed again. Until I realized what the question was. I reached for my phone and it was already 9:03 that woke me up for sure.
“Oh shit! I gotta get back,”
Not like I’d get in trouble or anything but Carmen would get on my ass about the fact I didn’t come back when I said I would then she’d make something out of nothing.
I scrambled around trying to find all my things to put them back in my bag.
“Wait it’s raining though,” Peter pointed out.
“Yeah,” I chuckled “It’s New York it’s always raining,”
“Yeah but it’s cold and wet and dark so if you tried to skate you’d probably get hurt,”
I knew what he was doing and it was working because frankly all his excuses were shit because one I don’t get cold and two I could just walk and there are lights everywhere but I was gonna stay anyway. I was too tired to argue right now.
“May!” Peter shouted.
“Yes?” She called back.
“Can Y/N stay for the night?”
“Yeah if her parents are okay with it,”
That’s how I ended up wearing some shirt with some dumb science pun sitting on the couch watching Aladdin for like the millionth time ever. I was singing along to One jump ahead when I felt eyes on me.
I turned my head but before I could make eye contact with Peter he acted as if he was watching the movie the whole time.
“What?” I giggled. Fuck, I hadn’t like genuinely giggled in the longest time.
“Nothing,” He replied, turning back towards the TV again.
This time I was the one to stare at him wondering what was going on in his head. Not even the fourth song in and I was already yawning struggling to keep my head up.
This goes to show how much willpower I had because I couldn’t even stop my eyelids from falling shut. I deserved to sleep though I’d been exhausted lately.
There’s only like 6 people on this planet that I trust enough to fall asleep around and surprisingly Peter had become one with like 5 months of knowing me.
I would still trust him if given the chance I’m just not sure how much he trusts me right now. I understand though. I don’t deserve anyone’s trust.
Taglist:
@tomdiddlyumptious
#peter parker#peter parker fanfiction#peter parker x reader#peter parker imagine#reader x peter parker#peter parker drabble#Peter Parker x Vigilante!Reader#peter parker x you#peter parker x fem!reader#peter parker x y/n#peter parker x black!reader#peter parker x bi!reader#peter parker x bisexual!reader#peter parker x poc reader#peter parker x#peter parker x villian!reader#spiderman x villian#spiderman x thorn#peter parker x thorn#MCU x Y/N#mcu series#mcu x reader#mcu#Thorn Series#thorns prick
32 notes
·
View notes
Text
Reconciliation and Late-Stage Tayliz (September 2014 - Present)
Despite not seeing each other for a while, Taylor and Liz clearly still hold a soft spot in each other’s hearts.
During the Secret Sessions for 1989 in Nashville, fans took pictures in Taylor’s home, and you can clearly see she has photos from Charleston displayed:
When it came time to mend the fences between Taylor and Liz, Claire Callaway was the one who ended up doing it:
2 October 2014 - Claire tweets a TBT to the Charleston trip. Liz responds to it:
That seems to get the ball rolling, because when Taylor drops Out of the Woods as a single, this happens:
14 October 2014 - Taylor and Liz tweet about how much they miss each other:
Then, when Taylor walks the runaway with Karlie at the VSFS, this happens:
Taylor is with Karlie at the time, and obviously nothing romantic is happening on Liz’s end either, because...
20 December 2014 - Liz gets engaged to Bryan Brown and has dinner with friends:
16 February 2015 - Liz tweets that Taylor is badass
8 April 2016 - Liz makes this gay post on Facebook that I’d like to think is a response to Style, since the MV had come out a few months before:
And Liz seems to have found a group of gay friends...
Although, that could just be a typo.
15 July 2015 - Liz posts on Facebook that “Thanks to some really talented friends, I got to record something beautiful today. Can’t wait to share this one.” The picture she attaches definitely looks like Taylor:
Liz also tweets this:
We do NOT know where Taylor was that day. However, she performed in DC on the 1989 tour on the 14th and was papped in NYC on the 16th so it’s not impossible she was in Nashville working on something with Liz. Unfortunately, whatever they worked on has yet to surface (unless you subscribe to the theory that Liz is WB...)
3 August 2015 - Shawn Brooks releases a song called Matter of Time that was written sometime in 2014 by Liz.
Notable lyrics include:
She’s got me lovestruck, crazy
Going out of my mind
She’s got me lovestruck, crazy
But sooner or later, she’s gonna be mine
It’s just a matter of time
Don’t know what this means for Liz or TayLiz, since Liz has been with Bryan since early 2013 at the latest, but this is very gay and fun.
27 August 2015 - Thirst tweet:
31 August 2015 - Liz calls Taylor sexy in response to the Wildest Dreams MV:
15 October 2015 - Liz tweets about Better Than Revenge:
28 October 2015 - Liz quote tweets Taylor about OOTW acoustic:
11 November 2015 - Liz responds to Caitlin’s tweet tagging Taylor about nostalgia:
9 December 2015 - Liz congratulates Taylor on her Grammy noms:
13 December 2015 - Taylor’s birthday. Liz wishes her HBD:
29 January 2016 - Liz says her favorite song from 1989 is This Love:
15 February 2016 - Liz and Taylor both attend UMG’s Grammys afterparty at the Ace Hotel Theater :
26 February 2016 - Liz posts a TBT to Charleston:
16 April 2016 - Liz and Taylor both attend Coachella:
6 May 2016 - Liz tweets about This Love:
10 May 2016 - Liz possibly writes STFU and Hold Me (likely about Bryan, since he’s out on tour with the woman he’s going to leave Liz for, signaling to me that their relationship is on the fritz):
4 August 2016 - Liz posts a throwback to the Vogue photoshoot at the Bowery.
3 September 2016 - Liz and Bryan’s last interaction on Twitter:
(Bryan had been on tour with Jillian -- who he’d later marry -- and tweeting at her all summer, much more than he’d been tweeting with Liz). It’s important to note the way their relationship ended for when we start studying who Liz’s songs are about.
26 November 2016 - Liz tweets about Clean, possibly signaling her and Bryan have broken up by this point:
13 December 2016 - Liz wishes Taylor happy birthday with a post about Charleston (captions vary based on site). This also signals to me that her and Bryan are over, since she’s reminiscing on Taylor picking her up off the ground after her breakup with Jason:
11 July 2017 - Liz tells a fan that You Are In Love and All Too Well are her favorite songs from 1989 and Red (guess her favorite song is no longer This Love…):
11 August 2017 - Liz releases STFU and Hold Me:
youtube
This MV has a LOT of parallels to the IKYWT video. The lyrics talk about “staring with a bang” (”took off faster than a green light go”?), and reckless abandon (”this path is reckless”). MV parallels are as follows (thank you @mercuryonparklane for all the help finding this):
(notice the key necklace?)
So, either Liz is lowkey ripping off Taylor’s work or she’s trying to signal that she was the muse for IKYWT. However, considering Liz is deliberately trying to keep her image separate from Taylor, it doesn’t make any sense that she would try and rip her off. Of course, it could just be a big coincidence...
30 September 2017 - In an interview with The Young Folks, Liz says that STFU and Hold Me is about “getting to that point in a relationship where you’re sick of going around and around talking about the same issue with your partner and it’s time to wave the white flag,” Huett says. “We’ve all been there.”
Of the lyrics “I’m coming from a line of problems / I was born and I became a product” Liz says “I’m not exactly the most polished person. I’d rather be real than perfect and sometimes that means I say things that make people uncomfortable or act out in relationships and test limits, etc… I’m an honest mess but I believe I can and should be loved in light of that. :)”
I still think this song was written about the end of her relationship with Bryan, but it’s still interesting to see how Liz describes herself in relationships.
27 October 2017 - Liz releases H8U
youtube
This is another song that I think was written about Bryan. The lyrics reference taking another woman to a Tom Petty concert (Liz LOVES Tom Petty) and generally moving on quickly with another woman, which seems apt for the Bryan/Jillian situation going on.
HOWEVER, the lyrics also reference “our first date two years ago,” which doesn’t make any sense, since Liz and Bryan didn’t break up until 2016 and were together since early 2013. So it could maybe be lyrically about Taylor.
I do think the MV makes a deliberate Taylor reference, though, with the interrupting the wedding scene. Taylor famously had Liz dress as the Bridezilla on the Speak Now album art:
And, at the end of the H8U MV, Liz DOES kiss the blonde bride on the mouth after interrupting her wedding... which is... INTERESTING (especially since Liz is dressed in full RED the whole MV):
I don’t think it’s a stretch to presume Liz could’ve reversed their roles here. IDK.
9 November 2017 - Liz makes her “H8U, love these” playlist on Spotify, which features All Too Well.
1 November 2017 - Liz obsesses over Reputation:
15 November 2017 - Taylor posts an IG story with photos of her Liz and Caitlin in Australia in the background:
13 December 2017 - Liz wishes Taylor happy birthday:
20 December 2017 - In a now deleted tweet Liz obsesses over New Year’s Day
6 April 2018 - Liz releases Don’t LV U Anymore. Here are some interesting lyrics:
I don't steal your chapstick anymore / Don't wake up to your kiss anymore / And I don't have a washer and dryer full of guitar picks anymore / 'Cause you don't come over to my place anymore / Don't flirt with my roommate anymore / And I don't run to your friends / To get them on my side when we fight anymore / And I never say it / I keep it inside / But maybe I'm wasted / Or maybe it's time to get this off my chest, babe / ... / I don't love you anymore / But I don't love you any less / I don't play you my songs anymore / To see if they're good anymore / You don't tell me your secrets / 'Cause you don't know if I keep them to myself anymore / I don't go to church anymore / Don't know what to believe anymore / And I don't remember the beat of your heart / The smell of your car anymore / ... / Two years and counting / Still got all this weight on my chest / Two years and counting / And I can't remember what I can't forget
Based on the “two years and counting” line, as well as the line about a washer and dryer of guitar picks, I’m inclined to believe this is another song about Bryan.
However, it is a really similar sentiment to that Civil Wars song Liz posted back when her and Taylor first ended things, and the line about running to get friends on a side when fighting is very similar to the “you go talk to your friends, talk to my friends talk to me” in WANEGBT and the image in Battle/Let’s Go of all their friends standing around watching them fight. Could go either way.
9 April 2018 - Liz reposts a Facebook post announcing Dammit that implies it was written a while ago. But we already knew that.
19 May 2018 - Reputation in Pasadena. Liz attends. Surprise Song: All Too Well. Camila Cabello is the opening act.
27 May 2018 - Liz gives an interview at Bottlerock festival where she says that Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus is a song she used to get over someone (likely Bryan). She also says Havana was the song she last had stuck in her head -- probably because Camila performed it at Taylor’s show the previous week.
14 March 2019 - Liz makes a happy birthday post for Antoni (who’s dating her friend Trace):
27 April 2019 - Bryan and Jillian get married:
3 May 2019 - Liz releases Nothing Personal:
youtube
This feels like DIRECT BRYAN SHADE, since she released it right after his wedding. However, you definitely could also read it as being about being let go from The Agency.
Early May 2019 - Taylor shoots YNTCD. Her and Antoni bond over their love of The National (keep in mind Taylor would end up asking a member of the National to work on exile with her):
17 June 2019 - Liz likes Taylor’s post announcing YNTCD is out:
26 June 2019 - Liz posts on IG a video of unreleased song “One of These Days” with the caption “i’m emo” Lyrics:
One of these days I’ll rise above the blue / One of these days when I get sober too / I’ll be flying high you know / Gonna say I told you so / One of these days I’ll rise above the blue / The stars will align / My heart will come back to life / I won’t have to cry anymore / Someday soon, when I / When I get over you / One of these nights I’m gonna get some sleep / One of these nights you won’t be in my dreams / I will lay this love to rest / I will miss you in this bed / One of these nights I’m gonna get some sleep / The stars will align / My heart will come back to life / I won't have to cry anymore / Someday soon, someday / When I get over you
More evidence that Liz does, indeed, struggle with the things that Reddit post suggested.
14 August 2019 - Liz posts on IG a video of an unreleased song called “I Wanted It to Be You” with the caption “I really did” and a red rose emoji. Lyrics:
I’ll find someone else to take your place / In no time at all I’ll be okay / So you don’t have to say it babe / We don’t have to cry / ‘Cause I know you got shit to do / And baby so do I / I’ll find someone else to take your place, hey / I wanted it to be you I’m closing down the bar with / I wanted it to be you I’m fighting in the car with / Who I could push away / Come back and beg to stay / Ooh, I wanted it, I wanted it, I wanted it / I wanted it to be you
Likely for Bryan BUT maybe a red rose grew up out of frozen ground with no one around to tweet it (lol I’m joking the lakes is very likely not about Liz).
22 August 2019 - Taylor releases the Lover MV, featuring the “breakable heaven” board game:
In the bottom left corner, you can spot a blue 0527. May 27th is Liz’s birthday. What does this mean? I don’t know. I absolutely do not know, but whatever it is is driving me INSANE.
28 August 2019 - Liz posts on Twitter a screenshot of her listening to Cornelia Street:
16 October 2019 - Liz comments on a fan’s video of Taylor performing at the NPR Tiny Desk concert saying “she cute”:
19 November 2019 - Liz says on IG that her favorite songs from Lover are The Archer and Cornelia Street:
22 November 2019 - Liz releases That’s What You Get. This is the one late-stage Liz song that I FULLY BELIEVE is about TayLiz due to a few very specific lyric parallels:
“That’s what you get when you recklessly fall in love” >> “This path is reckless” from Treacherous
“That’s what you get for keeping your armor up” >> “You come around and the armor falls” from State of Grace >> “I would put my armor down if you said you’d rather love than fight” from Story of Us.
“And all your friends are lining up to hate me” >> “You go talk to your friends talk to my friends talk to me” from WANEGBT >> “First shot’s fired everybody’s gathered around” from Battle >> “I can't run to your friends anymore / To get them on my side when we fight anymore” from Don’t LV U Anymore.
It also, just from an outside perspective, doesn’t make any sense for Liz to write a breakup song about Bryan blaming herself when it seems very clear to me that they broke up because Bryan wanted to be with Jillian instead. That’s not her fault. So either this is about another breakup (I’d guess Taylor, based on the lyric parallels), or she’s just very very self-loathing and won’t let herself think it’s Bryan’s fault (which both H8U and Nothing Personal don’t suggest to me).
25 November 2016 - Liz posts a video on her IG story about Taylor at the VMAs.
6 December 2019 - Liz talks about That’s What You get with Earmilk and gives an interesting quote:
Huett explains, “This song is about facing myself after a brutal season of running from it... I made a self-destructive choice that hurt someone I really value. The angle of the chorus is really sort of a letter to me after that first long look in the mirror. It SUCKED. However, in owning my shit (and sharing this song) my hope is that listeners might apply the sad lesson without having to learn the hard way, or, if they’ve ever found themselves in the regretful position I was once in, I hope this song can at least make them feel less alone."
This is SO DIFFERENT fro mhow her relationship with Bryan ended, but matches up so well with Liz getting help and owning her shit after spiraling in 2012.
24 July 2020 - Folklore drops. Two of the songs are written by the mysterious William Bowery. One of those songs is Betty -- a popular nickname for Elizabeth. Liz tweets at Taylor about the 1 because all of Taylor’s exes wanna think that song is about them.
So, IN CONCLUSION: Liz got help and worked through her shit and they’re on good terms now. They were possibly working on something together in 2015, although that never saw the light of day as far as we know. Liz seems to maybe be referencing Taylor in her music and MVs, but there’s no way to know for sure. Better Than Revenge on the Speak Now Tour was an iconic moment of sapphic energy, and maybe, just maybe, when Taylor re-records her masters, Liz will sing backup for her again.
Thanks for reading!
73 notes
·
View notes
Text
Heather Watches SG1 s7ep13: Grace
Hello friends! I asked on twitter which one you wanted to see next and this was the one so.. I genuinely really enjoy this episode but I don’t think it would be top five? The Kiss TM obviously is up there but its so... sad.. BUT I think its a beautifully shot episode and the director is wonderful. Also if I ever meet Damien Kindler, I have a list of questions.
I watched this a few weeks ago but am posting it today (11/085/2020) because I forgot I had even typed the notes until the other night when i asked.
As always, I swear quite a bit but I also cried quite a lot in this episode becuse well I’m a hopeless romantic, I love Space Dad and I had just been dumped so all the angst hurts haha
also also, I leave most if not all my typos in here because I think it makes it funnier and I don’t usually look at my keyboard when I type so I make mistakes. I’m not perfect at touch typing by any standard and I still don’t do it properly anyway.
Previously on which I don’t need because I’ve seen this show soooo many times
Fucking Ronson man
Mum says she’s prepared but she’s not
Thers a storm coming and she doesn’t know how bad its gonna be
Two hours top turns into 4 days,
HER FUCKING GRIN OH MY GOD
Remember your mission, bitch this is Samantha Carter, she forgets nothing and always stick to the mission plan (see The First Commandment, etc. etc.)
Uh oh
Not a ship on its way
I wonder who or what is on it. Well we never find out so no point asking
CREDITS
I am trying to eat and type at the same time this will not go well
END CREDITS
Love that black curtain with tiny lights they’re using for stars
Cute ship, foe
Of course you wanna talk to them, Ronson but I don’t think its gonna go well babe
Powering up weapons but you won’t get awwwwaaaaayyyyy
Straight into the unknown not-quite-nebula
SAM NO
WHAT A BAD FUCKING IDEA
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
DAMIAN KINDLER
And BAM baby hit her head
Silence
More silence
Fucking creepy kid
But if you wanna feel old she’s married and has a kid on the way
You are alone my love
Poor Sam
Of course you do hun cause you’re a good solider
The didn’t leave you alone honey, they were beamed out
Cuts gone
Just saying
Poor Sam
She’s all alone and nothings working and I just wanna hug her
Teal’c being a sweetie
Being the voice of reason
Stopping her from dying
“If you sleep, you will die” *Sam falls asleep*
FUCKING KID GIVING ME THE CREEPS
Sam: Is someone there?
Me: IDK Are they?
Cuts back
Smart girl <3
We don’t wanna play with you, you scare us
Cuts gone
“Were you this annoying when you were ascended?”
“Depends who you ask”
The answer is yes, Sam
He is always that annoying
Her subconscious brain is trying to provide her people to bounce her ideas off of
This is the part of her that wants to explore the cloud, the scientist that battles with the military side of her
Beautiful shot of him standing behind her
Uh oh the ships making noises
Peter Woste (director) makes some really beautiful shots
Ooooh
This hurts
Daniel has no idea how lost Jack is
Of course he heard, ya bloody dick head
Jack is so worried about his girl
“Tok’ra can’t send a ship” no they ever can
What is the point of an alliance if only one side ever does anything?
Is this the first time Daniel is realising Jack’s feelings for Sam?
Because he seems shocked at Jack’s anger/frustration
THIS FUCKING KID
TEAL’C
He calls her Samantha which he NEVER calls her its…. An interesting choice
He’s right, everything is not as it seems
Sam thinking of other ideas that she would normally bounce off her boys so she’s bouncing it off… subconscious images of her boys
And she passed out again
Poor babe :(
Awwww I wanna hug her and protect her
Honestly I think this way would have worked if it weren’t for that FUCKING KID
She’s not real Sam!
Who is this kid anyway?
Alien? Gas cloud?
Her face at the idea of it being a sentient cloud
“Because its corrosive?” LOL
And shes out again
Did she?? Interesting
Yeah but actually talking would have helped kid
Ooooooh no
Dad’s about to be here
I’m Grace… https://youtu.be/688OPQ9WFpA
Hold on while I cry
HES NOT TALKING ABOUT JACK SAMANTHA
HE WANTS YOU TO BE WITH JACK YA BLOODY GOOSE
DON’T BE AN IDIOT
Oh an initial trace huh?
Useless fucking shits
They all know he loves her
Its written on their faces
And he’s been doing such a good job of holding it in, damnit
That little look down
A brother to Teal’c awww
JACK HE JUST TOLD YOU SAM STILL LOVES YOU
AND YOU LET HER GET ENGAGED TO PETE IM A CREEP SHANAHAN
WHY YOU DO THE THING AT THE END OF THE EPISODE
Oh NO NOT THE BUBBLES
Baby Sam wondering how a bubble can exist
Adorable
I’m gonna cry again
Interesting that jack is in street clothes not uniform
Because this is how she pictures him
Samantha
I’m crying at this conversation
I could write out everything they say And what it all means because it all HURTS but we all know it off by heart I’m too lazy to rehash it here
I HAD TO HOLD IN A SCREAM
THE KISS AND LETTING HIM GO (she never really did tho let’s not kid ourselves) AND OH MY GOD IT HURTS
THIS FUCKING KID
Bubbles
Dead ass tho i nearly threw something during Sam and Jacks scene
And whats worse is when she’s back, he would have sat there the entire time until she woke up
And the fear of anybody else hearing her call him Jack
And making an assumption that they’re together and therefore ruining her career
Makes him shut her down and then she really knows that she has to move on
Because she doesn’t know how scared he was when she was missing
And that he was just as scared as she was when he was gone
But she’ll never know that
Because he’ll never tell her
I’m crying again
The way he looks at her
And says shes fine and says you are
And her sad look
I fucking can’t handle it y’all
I just want them both to be happy and with each other but they’re too emotionally inept to say anything to each other so this is what we have to deal with
And now I have to deal with PETE
FUCKING PETE
Final Thoughts:
I literally cried three times in that episode. Normally its once with Jacob’s scene but this time it was every time Jack was there too. I think my recent breakup is making me soft and all I can handle right now is fluff. Anything else hurts.
I love that episode with my entire being but fuck me does it hurt
Also who or what is Grace? I have SO many questions.
Its a beautifully shot episode though
And Amanda’s acting is ace. So is RDAs.
BUT FUCK MGM FOR NEVER LETTING US HAVE CONFIRMATION OUTSIDE OF ONE PICTURE AND A PASSWORD
#Stargate SG1#SG1#Stargate#SG1: Grace#Amanda Tapping#Samantha Carter#ATapps#Grand Empress of SciFi#Richard Dead Anderson#RDA#Jack O'Neill#Sam x Jack#The Kiss#OTP: They Might as well have said I love you#Daniel Jackson#Michael Shanks#Christopher Judge#Teal'c#Heather watches Stargate#Heather Watches SG1#we aren't gonna talk about#how her imaginatino of Jack calls her Samantha#or is in civvies#because she imagines that type of life with him#and that he choice to seek love elsewhere is because she's lonely#and can't have Jack#so she looks for love elsewhere#because she thinks she's only holding on to him because she can't get hurt if they can never be together#which is honestly such a me thing#set my sights on what is unattainable
37 notes
·
View notes
Text
happy anniversary!
warning: this post is LONG AF! next year i am so not gonna do this - will make a graphic or something instead - because i legit typed for hours. don’t feel obligated to read the whole thing - feel free to scroll down to the sections where you are mentioned.
holy ravioli, i can’t believe legacy is turning one! the last year was chaotic for me real life wise and legacy provided a great place to escape and enjoy writing with my friends. i chatted with so many of you wonderful people and have no doubt i’ll be missing some on this list. if i happen to skip you by accident, just know i love you anyway.
both of my muses went through a lot. yonghwa i’ve had since the very beginning and his journey did turn out differently than i expected. i created him to be perfect on the outside, slowly rotting on the inside. he has a lot of insecurities that he refuse to acknowledge and a crippling greed for money...to the point i legit created a list of free stuff available at legacy and still track his earning. he ended up not deteriorating horribly as i expected due to having an overwhelmingly strong support system. dang it, y’all, i wanted to fuck up my character.
as for daehyung, he’s proven to be the ticking time bomb comedic relief asshole that everyone can’t help but respect for not having his ass kicked out of the company already love - he’ll continue to be a pest and harass people that he find fancy in. career wise, i am surprised he is doing so well despite hating the world and most of the people in it. guess deep down inside he actually cares about acting and finds joy in it. one day, hopefully, he’ll be singing his own ost.
i would like to thank our cute sara, who played yonghwa’s brother @lgcyoon and currently plays @lgcseojin and @lgchana~ sara was one of the first people i plotted with at legacy and i really enjoyed the friendship between seojin & yonghwa. seojin was an adorable tsundere pupper and yonghwa is over-affectionate and secretly appreciated. they had their ups and downs and in season 2 of the future dreams, that really came out. i am glad they were able to work through their issues and i think that is why their friendship feels so believable to him. seojin also had a part in daehyung’s life...can we get that communal shower yet, buddy? yoon, though you are too busy to play him now, will always be yonghwa’s doting older brother. i don’t think i’ll put up that wanted connection again because yoon is so perfect and yonghwa already latched onto him with both legs and arms.
second up, i gotta thank my girl gabby for always being there. @lgcparkdohyun and yonghwa’s brotherly bond is incredibly strong and in fact, one of my best plots to date. we’ve essentially plotted them out from diaper days and they are as close as two guys could be without screwing each other, really. we’ve also been here since the beginning together and high fives man, our boys technically both made it.
@lgcxcharlie is yonghwa’s supportive girlfriend and she is so adorable. a much needed ray of light in his life. funny thing is that they met a long time ago, via bread. did charlie know that she’ll end up getting a boyfriend out of her kind bread donation? see, this is what happens when you feed a hungry cat - he’ll keep following you for more. now you are just going to have to keep him~
for my beloved rose who plays @lgcjude, @lgcjina and @lgcwon, i love youuu. with them on tour together and sharing a room, i hope jude is not annoyed yet by the fact yonghwa keeps on climbing into his bed. as for jina - hello, fellow season one winner, high fives. they might have to keep some distance due to opposite gender, but at least they’ll always have that respect for each other. now won, sorry, the devil is never letting you gooooooo. he’ll continue to harass you for years to come.
@lgcseolmi + @lgcichika & @lgckit - my typo queen nam~ we haven’t known each other for very long but damn did you rise quickly on my favoritism list. i love you lots, even though you are a dork who can’t spell anything right! :3c we’ve threaded already with the girls and now i am waiting for the new baby boy!
my al is the best person for cat gifs ever. every so often, i’d get a cute gif and feel my happiness grow. in fact, like we talked before, you send me so many cat pics that i believe you are a cat and will treat you like one. pet pet pet pet! @lgcinsoo and @lgcyue are both great babies, but you know i have bias towards our insoo. he is such a kind, loving puppy and both of my characters appreciate him. one more obviously than the other.
em, how the hell do you post so fast even though you got three characters? also, how on the earth have we managed to talk so long without doing a single thread together? oh wait, shoot, it is me isn’t it? @lgcaaron is still waiting on his starter and my ass typed this long af thank you note instead of that hohoho-
i still have so many boys i want to interact with for the project origin group but those i’ve already had a chance to thread with, i’ve all loved. our @lgcxpv is a wild child but so precious in yonghwa’s eyes. we’ll always have their shower scene to reflect back on. also, your precious max is one of dae’s only semi-acknowledged friends. our @lgcxhaneul is the sweet mandu that will keep on getting squished by his loving hyung. we love @lgcseul who deserves all the hugs and @lgcminjun, who will definitely become one of yonghwa’s favorites. @lgcjiho & @lgcharu are both soft cute boys that i am still planning on hitting up more.
though we’ve only had one thread, i strangely really enjoyed the interaction between yonghwa and @lgceunho. i feel like they still have more to explore and hopefully will find themselves together in a future event!
also jia, we’ve been around since the very beginning too. i miss writing together. @lgchyunjin should come and love on yonghwa more. ; v ; we are the early day boys ya knowwwww. i enjoyed chatting with you on twitter, can always count on you to be around liking people’s posts to show support.
lately, i’ve also gotten to plot with @lgcsubin, who is a sensitive boy with depth. i love his character and i hope to write more with you, nic! also, thanks for being around and asking what’s wrong whenever people are upset. i think it is so precious.
stef, i am so glad you joined legacy and see, it is fun, right? daehyung will continue to bully @lgcxjunghwan but he does it in an affectionate way, alright? love to lulu ( @lgcminseok) & simone (@lgctee) for always being there to chat about stuff~
jen, thanks for teaching me how to gif. i’ve enjoyed our chats via discord and we should do it again sometimes KEKEKEKEKE @lgcxjinah and @lgcxjongsuk both have their places on my character’s heart - i love them both!
here, i just want to acknowledge some of the people that dropped but still had a huge impact on yonghwa’s life. i don’t know how many of y’all will remember them, but back in the day, yonghwa had a best friend called kiyoung and a crush on yujin. when those two dropped at the same time, oh, that was a huge blow. thank them both for being a part of his life. also, jane was a heavy loss for me because i adore her quirkiness. bobby come back, you can blame it all on me.
lastly, i want to thank all of the mods for their hard working maintaining the rp! thanks so much, legacy wouldn’t be fun without you!
for the head admins, i have a few extra blurbs because we’ve been together for a whole year. for our admin l, you’ve worked hard. it is not easy to run events and i feel like i’ve definitely pushed you with some difficult questions before. i am glad we are friends and get to chat often about random tidbits. i am also happy you are taking time for yourself and taking care of real life concerns. your wellness is always the priority! character wise, i have a feeling @lgcmiso and daehyung will actually get along well~
marie because i can’t even remember what is your official admin letter OTL i just remember you as the mother of merlin and writer of @lgcxking. it is not like i don’t like jin, but that king is the one i had the most threads with. i really love yonghwa and king interaction because in a place where everyone must be civil and friendly, their hate for each other is so damn refreshing. i still think five years from now on they’ll be friends, but not before trying to claw out each other’s eyeballs first over their smutty fanfics. sorry for keep harassing hyuncheol and calling him papi, please continue to feed me merlin content. he is the best boy.
FINALLY admin g our grace you are so awesome. i can always count on you to hear me bitch for the two minutes before my angy fade and for last minute cramming. on the week before date lottery is due and i am wailing pathetically for my points, grace is always here to pull through! @lgchanbyul and yonghwa as on screen couple is actually pretty adorbs. also @lgcjaesun, thanks for dealing with daehyung as a dorm mate. the devil is gone now but his influence will always be there
i have so many more people i want to mention but only so much time. just know i appreciate everyone. thanks for a great year, hopefully there’ll be many more!
#tried my best#did not tag everyone by all of their characters#i love everyone and happy 1 yr#lgc:anniversary
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
11:37 PM - Part 3.
Summary: Erik and you meet up at an unlikely location.
Pairing: Erik ‘Killmonger’ Stevens X Black!Reader
Warning: oral sex & fluff.
Length: 5k
BTW: i really wasn't planning on continuing this series. i kinda fell out of love with it, but then i reread my work and it made me want to write all over again lol. i’ll try not to take so long with writing these next few parts :/. enjoy and sorry for any typos!
CATCH UP: part 1 / part 2
MASTERLIST
"So, who's that broad you been chillin' with?"
Erik's attention was momentarily pulled from the game as Aaron questioned him. Him and his boys had been in the house for most of the day, deciding to meet up and chill since they didn't have shit else to do on a Saturday. It was Erik's day off at Acuity Brands where he was the lead data engineer, Lo had pulled a double shift to get the day off and Aaron didn't know the definition of a job, so it was a unanimous decision to link up.
"Chill with that broad shit man, she got a name."
"Well you won't tell us her name, so what the fuck else are we supposed to call her?" Lo replied, his head still stuck in his phone as he watched some rap battle on Twitter.
"Y'all ain't got to know her name, just know it ain't broad. Have some respect."
Aaron gave Lo a look in which Lo returned, before they both busted out laughing. Erik sat back, unamused by the two men. They had been questioning him since they got to his crib about the new girl he had been seen walking home a few times. He should've known niggas on the block couldn't mind their damn business. It's not that he had a problem with people seeing you with him, he just didn't want others knowing about what he had going on or trying to get to know you. You were the only thing in his life that he didn't have to share. When it came to his job, he shared that with his co-workers and uptight boss. When it came to his apartment, he shared that with the few close friends he had. When it came to you .. you were his. Not in the sense of you being his girl or anything like that, but he appreciated the fact that he was the only person you really knew here besides your Uncle and classmates. He was the one that got to walk you home, take you to all the dope mom and pops shops and show you the hidden foot spots around Harlem. The last thing he wanted was you getting close to someone else because then he'd be on the back burner. No longer would you need him to walk you home and he wouldn’t be able to see your face light up when he showed you something new due to someone else beating him to it. He'd be damned if that happened. His eyes shifted over to Aaron doing a broke down version of the woah and Lo hyping him up, especially not these niggas.
Erik wasted no time pulling out his phone and searching for your Instagram. It had been a while since he saw you, a week and a half to be exact. He didn't hit up the gas station these past couple days because he didn't really have anything to get, and he could only eat so many donuts and snickers before his body would start paying for it. During those days, he kept up with you via social media which wasn't much since you barely posted. Neither did he, but shit ... he wanted to know what you were up to. He could've just DM'd you since he didn't have your number. The realization making him pause, why didn't he have your number? He was gonna make sure he got that shit the next time he saw you. He could see you now, being all shy and awkward after he asked and the thought made him chuckle.
"What's so funny? Yo' ass being all quiet and shit. You lookin' at titties?" Aaron eyed Erik suspiciously, leaning back and craning his neck to look at his phone screen.
"Yo, you ever mind your business?" Lo quipped back. "Now you know E private. I'm surprised his ass even got us in his crib, you know he be acting like he got the secret formula and shit in here." Lo shook his head, eyes still glued to his phone.
Since Lo had been cool with Erik before Aaron, he knew him better. Erik didn't like people in his personal business or space, close friend or not, and if you began to ask one too many questions, he'd get suspicious quickly. Everyone knew that, but there were some people that just couldn't get the hint or just didn't give a damn and that was Aaron.
"Y'all so sensitive, acting like my gotdamn momma. I just know y'all better change them attitudes by tonight. You know his girl Tae having a kickback and we gotta be in there.” He pointed towards E, a quick “she ain’t my girl” leaving Erik’s lips. “She bringing all her homegirls from her campus and you know what that means." Aaron rubbed his hands together, a sly grin on his face as all three men exchanged a blur of ayeeeee's and yeeerrrrrr's.
The apartment was pretty packed when Erik and his boys arrived. Most people already had drinks or a blunt in their hand, some boo'd up on the couch while others played dice and beer pong. When a few eyes noticed their presence, they were met with daps and laughs. A few random girls came up, offering to make them drinks and they nodded along, not dumb enough to refuse being served.
They all made their way through the numerous bodies, standing by the kitchen entrance where Tae was talking loudly to a few friends. Erik had met her at a party a year or so back, and since then she’d been around. He threw her one of his signature smiles, knowing that it would make up for him curving her for these past couple weeks. It wasn't as if he was doing it on purpose, he just had more important shit to do with more important people. She acknowledged his smile by rolling her eyes and turned back to her conversation. He stayed put, knowing that she was trying hard not to walk over to him. He was pretty sure she already dogged him out to her friends, hence why they were all trying to look at him without being obvious. All it took was one of the randoms to hand him a drink before Tae was walking up.
"Hey Neicy, the girls in there need some help. Would you mind?" Her eyebrow rose, silently challenging the girl to not obey.
"Uh, sure thing." She nodded, looking at Erik one last time before shuffling back into the kitchen.
Tae turned to him, sighing heavily as if the last place she wanted to be was here. While she was busy putting on a show, he took the opportunity to really look at her. It was easy to write her off since she was away at school, but now that she was back for the weekend he was planning on making it up to her. It didn't hurt that she looked even better than the last time he saw her.
"You been giving my shit away?"
Tae gave him a confused look before catching onto to his comment. Her shoulders bounced, her drink sloshing in her red solo cup. She knew that he wasn't one that was fond of someone else being in his shit, something he had made known when they first fucked. Word got around quick here and since he hadn't heard anything, he figured she was behaving herself at college. Tae looked over her shoulder, pleased that everyone was occupied in their own little world and looked back at Erik, saying nothing as she grabbed his hand and walked him back towards her bedroom.
Erik relaxed at the end of the bed, careful not to spill his drink on himself while he leaned back and rested his weight on his elbows. He stared up at the ceiling for a second, wondering what you were doing. Probably home, catching up on work or watching Netflix. Tae's hands made quick work of his belt and jeans, pulling them down to his knees along with his boxers. A few seconds later, she made herself busy by licking a broad stripe along the length of his dick, going back and forth with no hands. She craned her neck to the side, using her tongue to lift the weight of his head before his dick was sinking into her warmth. Releasing a sigh, he felt tension flow from his body and into her mouth. It had been a minute since he got some head. He wasn't one to just lay down with anybody, so he kept a select few around that he could depend on. One of his favorites was Tae, but that changed when she started handing out ultimatums. She knew what it was since the beginning and that he wasn't in the correct mindspace for anything too serious. All Erik wanted was a girl he could chill with and fuck, all that extra shit didn't interest him. When he was told "either you cuff me or I'm not fucking with you anymore", he took that as his hint to dip on her, but it wasn't long before she was right back where she always was - on her knees.
Erik wondered if you were the type to do that, force someone into something that you knew they weren't interested in ... nah. If anything, you would be the one getting pushed to do something. Your quiet and shy nature was enough evidence to prove that, but he did notice that more of your personality was starting to show. Maybe it was because you were finally getting comfortable around him, maybe it was because he didn't allow you to shut down and crawl back into your hole when you were with him. He could see that you were goofy as hell, true to yourself and actually educated on various topics. He was just waiting for you to realize that.
His attention was brought back to Tae when he felt her by his balls, her hand resting underneath them and her fingers wrapping around his dick, holding the two together in one hand. Her attempts to deep throat caused his hips to raise on their own, his girth making it nearly impossible for her to swallow it all, let alone get his nuts. That didn't deter her from making sure to give an adequate amount of attention to all of him though. He appreciated her efforts and enthusiasm, her watery eyes proving that she was really trying to go all out tonight. She dragged her mouth up his length, a loud pop resonating in the dark room before her hand jerked him slowly, Erik's low grunts mixing with the sounds of squelching due to a mixture of his pre-cum and her excessive amount of saliva.
The image of you replacing Tae's form popped into his head and he felt his body jerk. Had you ever even done this before? He wouldn't be surprised if you hadn't, but the thought of you eagerly wanting to prove yourself as you kneeled in front of him had him ready to bust. Your lips were always glistening with that damn lipgloss he would see you use every now and again. And he could tell you had a long ass tongue from the times you would randomly stick it out after saying something funny. Shit would probably feel like heaven.
"Erik, what's wrong? Why are you being so nice?" She pouted, sticking her tongue out and slapping his head against it hard before sucking it to her mouth, only paying attention to his tip as if it was a lollipop.
Her comment made him freeze, looking off to the side and realizing what she was saying was true. Usually, he was rough when it came to anything sexual. He got off to it, taking control and spitting out obscenities. There was no time to be soft and sweet, it just made the nut take longer to come in his opinion. So why the fuck was he being so laid back all of a sudden? A part of him was ticked off as he thought about it, raising up from the bed and gripping Tae's hair in his fist, earning a cry from her.
"Ow Erik, that hurts.." Obviously not enough since seconds later she was back to doing her job.
Now he was annoyed. He didn't even know why he bothered coming in here with her. He wasn't feeling it anymore and he just wanted to go for a drive, maybe stop by a place that he hadn't been in a couple of days. But he couldn’t pass up on some quick head so he sat back and let her do her thing, calling her out her name and holding her head in place so he could fuck her mouth. He ignored her hands trying to push against his thighs and watery eyes, his dick staying in the back of her throat as he fed her, dick draining his kids into her mouth before letting her go. With a deep sigh, he leaned back against the bed and relaxed. Tae quietly walked off to the adjoining bathroom, the water running filling the relatively quiet room except for the heavy bass vibrating through the walls. A few minutes later she was back, a warm feeling casing his dick as she wiped him carefully, planting a kiss on his head when she was done.
“You must’ve really missed me huh? That was a big one.”
Erik ignored her question, raising from the bed and setting his cup on the dresser before pulling back up his clothes, Ferragamo belt buckled as he checked himself out in the mirror quickly. He chugged the alcohol down, discarding his cup back on the dresser for her to clean up.
“You know, you could visit me at school sometimes. My roommates are always out so we could have the place to ourselves. I hate that we only see each other when I come back home.” She shuffled out the door behind him, huffing when she realized she was being ignored.
Before they could reach the main area where the party was being held, he turned around and backed her into the wall. She looked up at him with desire in her eyes, hands smoothing his shirt across his chest as she eagerly waited for him to continue. Erik knew the hold he had over her, he could throw her to the side and she’d still come running back. Some would say he was trash for playing with her heart, but Tae knew what it was and she could make her own choices. Since she was going to be around for a couple of days, he wanted to keep things between them on a good note. He was way overdue for a good fuck and wanted to hit it at least twice before she went back to campus. He looked at her for a moment, her eyes slightly wet and still red from her tears earlier.
“How long you gon’ be in town again?”
“Until Tuesday. That gives us four whole days to do whatever we want. I could come over one day, maybe cook for you?”
Yeah, that wasn’t about to happen, but Erik wasn’t that much of an asshole to turn her down so bluntly at her own party. He just rose his brows, acting like he was thinking it over before shrugging, letting her know that he’d think about it. As he walked away, he knew the only way they were gonna meet up was if he came to her place. No one knew where he stayed except for family and those he considered family, and he was trying to keep it that way. He really just wanted to know how many days he had left until he could link up with you. With Tae in town, it would be next to impossible so he had to play it smart. He didn’t want you knowing about her and damn sure didn’t want her knowing about you.
The house party had got crowded in the time they were away, more bodies littering the living room and kitchen. Erik made his way through the few people standing in the hallway, head turning slightly to his left when he saw some new people that wasn’t there when he came. It was a couple of girls and he didn’t really pay them any attention until a certain one caught his eye. Her hair was down in front of her face, slightly hiding her from his view. She looked good from the side, not as dolled up as the rest of the females surrounding her, but that just made her stand out more. He liked that she wasn’t trying too hard, she was just chillin’. Oversized baby blue t-shirt, black biker shorts and some Jordan 1 UNC patents on her feet. He nodded his head to himself, silently approving her fit.
Fly lil thing. Ass fat too.
If it wasn’t for Tae on his heels, then he would’ve tried to shoot his shot. Just as he was about to keep it pushing, Tae’s loud shrieking made his face screw up as he looked back her, confused at her loud ass outburst. She told him to wait there for her and brushed past him, running up to the new group and wrapping her arms around their shoulders. He begrudgingly listened, hands stuffed in his jean pockets as he looked on. She turned around and skipped over to him, wrapping her hands around his forearm and pulling him over to where she was once standing.
“Guys, this is Erik. Erik, these are my friends from school.”
He nodded his head and went to reply until baby blue turned her head in his direction, the room around him pausing briefly as his eyebrows lowered in confusion before raising in disbelief.
The last thing you expected was to see Erik at Tae's party.
Tae had invited you about a week or so ago, along with a few others girls from your sociology class. She was having it at her cousin's apartment, which was where she stayed when she wasn't on campus, and made sure to make all the girls promise that they would come. Claims of it being the best party you’d ever go to and not wanting to come off rude, you decided to go. You could tell early on that keeping up with appearances was a big deal for her. You couldn't recall a day where she wasn't looking her best or even seemed stressed. How she did it? It was above you. There were moments where you saw the real her, but they were few and far between. Whenever she would realize she was dropping this 'confident bad bitch' persona she liked to put on, she would quickly tighten up and go back to being the girl everyone knew her as. On campus, she was the IT girl. Guys wanted her, girls either wanted to be her or fight her. She was one of those people that you would rather have as a friend than an enemy for sure. So you knew you had to show your face, she’d feel some type of way if you didn’t.
You didn't know if you should say hi to Erik or not with the way Tae was holding onto him. It was very territorial and knowing her, she wouldn't appreciate the fact that you two already knew each other. The girls all said hi after she introduced him, yours coming out a little later than everyone else's as you looked at him a little confused. Were they dating? He hadn't pushed her off or said anything since she brought him over and with the way she was going on and on about him, they obviously had some type of relationship. He nodded his head and mumbled a low "wassup" back, his eyes passing over your classmates before resting back on you. So this was why you hadn't seen him lately. He was spending all his time with her.
"You guys having a good time? Happy you came?" Tae smiled brightly, eagerly looking at you all and waiting for a response.
"It's lit, your cousin is so cool for letting you have it at her place." "Girl duh and you got some fine ass friends, introduce me to some." "Hell yes. If not, I would've been stuck in the house being bored." Everyone spoke over one another.
She nodded her head, catching on that you hadn't spoke yet and looked at you, raising her eyebrow.
"It's great." You smiled brightly. "I’m happy I came."
"Uh, I'm so happy you guys are having a good time. Well, I need to go make a couple more rounds. Someone here was occupying my time and I couldn't say hi to everyone." The smirk she threw Erik when she looked up at him had your eyes desperately wanting to roll, but you stopped yourself.
There was no reason for you to be mad. It's not like you guys were close friends or anything. He was just a regular that you'd ring up. The same regular that made it a routine to walk you home from work. The same regular that had been introducing you to some of the best food spots that you ever could've imagined. You couldn't even begin to think about all the good food that you'd scarfed down in the past week. Either way, it was obvious that the Erik standing before you and the Erik at those times were different people. You could feel his energy and it wasn't the same sweet flirty one that you were used to. Instead, he had this confident air that was clouding over him and you would've thought it was attractive if it wasn't for him standing next to Tae.
You all nodded and told her you'd catch up afterwards, your eyes not bothering to look back at the man before you started to make your way into the kitchen. A red solo cup later, you were perched on one of the barstools and listening to some funny story that Marissa was telling, or at least trying to. From where you were sitting, you could see Erik and Tae perfectly. She was sitting on his lap as she talked to some people, his hand on the couch armrest before she was pulling it around her. He kept his arm around her waist, his head slowly looking around the apartment until he was looking at you. Making eye contact was inevitable, since you were too slow to look away or play off your obvious staring. You gave him a small smile, the corner of your lip raising quickly before going back down. He returned it, eyes casting downward before he was turning back to those around him.
The next hour and a half flew by. The company of your friends mixed with some of your favorite songs and a funny ass dance battle between some guys had you enjoying yourself. Somehow you ended up joining a group of people playing Never Have I Ever and you felt a little left out as everyone knocked back shots while you just held yours. The questions started off fun, but quickly turned sexual, making your lack of experience obvious when you could do nothing but watch everyone drink. You lied on a few, and laughed off others, all while unknowingly being watched. When you realized it was around 1:30 am, you decided it was time to dip. It was pretty late and you had work tomorrow, along with an essay to type up. You didn't want to regret it in the morning, so you bid your friends a goodbye and promised to text them when you made it home.
As you got up and hugged them all, you made eye contact with Erik’s back as he laughed loudly at something. Surprisingly you didn’t spot Tae anywhere near him. You didn't really want to talk to him, annoyed that he hadn't spoken to you the entire night and instead decided to stick to Tae as if he was on a leash. It seemed like he was fine when it came to walking you home in the dead of night, but couldn’t be bothered with a simple “how are you?” now. You couldn’t even lie to yourself and say this was shocking. This wasn’t the first time a guy had ignored you around his friends and you were sure it wouldn’t be the last.
The walk home was going to take you about 15 minutes, which wasn’t too bad you guessed. It was late so the sun was long gone now and there’d be a nice breeze to accompany you. You had your little pepper spray if anything went down and a baby taser your Uncle pretty much forced you to carry. Exiting out the building, the lights from neighboring apartments and the corner stores kept the block lit for you. You were happy that you decided to get out a little, but couldn’t deny that being alone was ten times better. You could finally breathe and walk freely without worrying about bumping into somebody or vice versa.
After 6 blocks, you were starting to feel the repercussions of walking in shoes that weren’t broken in. Your heel was starting to throb, but you did your best to ignore it and adjusted your bag over your shoulder. The sounds of cars here and there weren’t out of norm, but you started to get nervous when you realized that one was driving suspiciously slow for no good reason. You hadn’t been paying attention so you had no clue how long they’d been there, but as you heard the slow and steady rumble of the engine trail behind you, you began to wish you had stayed at the party. Or at least gotten an Uber. Nonetheless, you kept walking and looking forward. It wasn’t until you stopped to let a car pass that a deep voice met your ears.
“You know I could’ve kidnapped your ass if I really wanted to right?”
You clicked your tongue, head shaking slowly as you recognized who it was. Of course it was him. With your arms crossed over your chest, you turned your body towards the car and slowly walked over. This was the first time you had actually seen it and it actually fit him, intimidating and sexy. You held back your smile as you watched him tilt his head at you, before knocking his head back, inviting you to get in without words. As much as you wanted to, thoughts of him and Tae together held you in place. They had something going on, you were sure of it, so you didn’t want to continue getting too close to him just to end up with your feelings hurt. You were also still salty that this was the first time he was speaking to you this night.
“Shouldn’t you be getting back to Tae’s? I’m sure she’s probably wondering where you went.”
“Who says she doesn’t know already?”
“Based on the fact that she wouldn’t let you out her sight, I highly doubt that.”
Before Erik could respond, his phone started ringing. As he was going to answer it, he whispered a quick "get in" that you didn't obey. You could tell he was getting annoyed, but it was funny watching him roll his eyes like a spoiled child. The noise around you guys unfortunately prevented you from hearing his conversation, so you were stuck using your context clues to figure out what was going on.
"Sup?"
"My bad bro, I had to dip out real quick. Something came up."
His thumb pointed towards the passenger seat and you shook your head, amused as he sucked his teeth and sat back. He stared at you as he continued to talk and you tried your best to look everywhere but him. At the stop light, at the LED open signs that blinked in the business windows, even at the empty trash bag that was currently rolling down the sidewalk. Literally anything to stop your eyes from landing on him.
"Catch a fucking Uber my nigga, the fuck?"
"Not tonight. I got important shit to handle. I'll hit you tomorrow."
From your peripheral, you watched him hang up and stick his hand out the window, reaching for you. He was definitely trying to be cute, small pout on his face as his fingers finally brushed against your arm.
"Why you playing hard to get?"
"I'm not. I'm just trying to figure out why you're so adamant about me getting in your car when I'm literally like 5 blocks from my place."
"A lot can happen in 5 blocks and if you don't get in, I'm just gonna follow you the rest of the way."
"That's really ... stalkerish."
"I don't care." He said bluntly, shrugging his shoulders.
After some time, you finally listened and got inside. Deep down you wanted to hop in as soon as you saw him, but you wanted to see if he was gonna be persistent. His eyes followed you as you slipped inside, purse now in your lap as you protectively held it against you. It was being lifted off you and onto the floor with a huff seconds later, Erik’s hand pulling the seatbelt around you, unaware of how his knuckles were brushing against your breasts. He was too busy going on about how you shouldn't be walking late at night to notice. You stayed quiet, stomach now in knots as he tried to find the buckle that your thighs were hiding. You lifted up some, assisting him and trying not to overthink when you felt his hands on your hips. Finally he clicked it in and you were able to breath, relaxing into the seat as he took the car out of park and rolled up to the now red light.
"So, what important shit do you have to handle?" You questioned innocently.
"You."
* * * * *
taglist: those below are people that asked to be tagged, i saw in my notes on part 1/2 or mutuals :). if you don’t wanna be tagged in future updates then please let me know!
@hearteyes-for-killmonger @erikaintdead @chaneajoyyy @james-heaven-barnes @iamrheaspeaks @raysunshine78 @kimpossible1977 @twistedcharismaaa @janelledarling @thadelightfulone @thehomierobbstark @purple-apricots @yoyolovesbucky @journeytomeee @wakanda-inspired @l-auteuse @ghostfacekill-monger @hidden-treasures21 @eye-raq @enigmaticaphrodite @junesbride @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @werkoutbliss @imagine-n-shit @honeytoffee @michaelsgoldengurl @theblackblackwidow @destinio1 @eriksprincess @blowmymbackout @melaninmarvelgirl62 @savagescorpion @blackgirlreadsfanfic @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @vikkidc @maddiestundentwritergaines
#killmonger fanfiction#erik killmonger#erik killmonger fanfic#erik killmonger fanficiton#erik killmonger x black reader#erik killmonger x oc#black panther#black fanfic#black panther fanfic#black reader#black fanfiction#black panther fanfiction#marvel fanfic#marvel fanfiction#erik stevens fanfiction#Erik Stevens#michael b jordan#michael b jordan ff#michael b jordan fanfic#michael b jordan fanfiction#black panther ff#erik killmonger ff#killmonger ff#erik killmonger x reader
412 notes
·
View notes
Text
A Chat with Beth Lisick
Edie on the Green Screen is an irreverent love-letter to San Francisco, chronicling the story of a 90s "It girl" as she ages-in-place and confronts the Bay Area tech monoculture. The author, Beth Lisick, is also an actress, co-founder of the Porchlight Storytelling Series, and one of the sharpest, quick-witted people that we know. You can read more about Beth here. Edie on the Green Screen is her first novel.
On April 1st, 2020, City Lights planned to celebrate the publication at the bookstore. Given the “Shelter in Place” order by the city of San Francisco, staff retreated to their homes, and City Lights continued to work, remotely. Stacey Lewis, VP, Director of PR, Marketing & Sales, conducted a Twitter chat on April Fool’s Day with Beth reporting from her living room in Berkeley, CA. Here follows a transcript of that conversation.
City Lights: Beth!!! Where are you?
I'm in New York, kinda near Woodstock and Kingston.
What are you doing to stay sane?
I’m cooking a lot! And trying to go out on hikes. Hanging out with my husband and son and also my brother’s family.
For how long did you work on your novel?
This is embarrassing to say but I wrote the first words of it almost 10 years ago!
Are you in a writing group? Or do you share things with particular friends for feedback?
I’ve never been in a formal writing group but I have a few friends, writers and non-writers alike, that I will share things with.
Prior to working with the independent, Brooklyn-based 7.13 Books on Edie on the Green Screen, you’ve had books w/ Manic D Press: Monkey Girl & This Too Can Be Yours
Thank God for Jennifer Joseph and Manic D. I think today is Jen’s birthday!
Happy birthday Jen Joseph!! And Everybody Into the Pool & Helping Me Help Myself with Harper Collins.
My brief foray into mainstream publishing.
And Yokohama Threeway: And Other Small Shames pub’d by City Lights (hell YES!)
Ah! That felt niiiiiice.
What are some of the differences you noticed working with indie vs corporate presses?
A lot of it has to do with the publicity and marketing part. On mainstream presses I always felt like I had to convince them that I was worthwhile. Their budgets aren’t necessarily going to you anyway and I feel much more comfortable with my indie press relationships. More personal.
Can you talk about your publisher 7.13 Books and how you came to work with them?
My friend Alex Behr was published by 7.13 and she introduced me to Leland [Leland Cheuk, publisher of 7.13 Books]. He is from the Bay Area but lives in Brooklyn now. He understood my Bay Area vibe! He is committed to doing debuts, but since this was my debut novel, he squeezed me onto the roster.
For how long have you lived away from the Bay Area?
It will be eight years this summer! So long. But luckily I come back a lot for Porchlight and to see my friends and parents.
Your novel clearly pulls from your own experiences in the Bay. How did you recall the memories? Do you keep a journal?
I keep various notebooks and write notes in my phone. I also like to quiet my brain and sort of meditate memories or experiences into my consciousness. (clearly from Northern California)
I was thinking that. Did the physical distance from San Francisco give you freedom to write about it?
YES. Even more than I imagined. I had a lot more free time once I moved to New York because I didn’t know anyone. It was a nice way to get a different perspective. Being across the country.
Do you think it would have been harder constructing this story if you were still living here?
Yes. I had gotten myself into a place where I was so upset with the changes in the Bay Area that I was too crabby to write about it. The first drafts were very cynical and angry. It’s hard not to feel like it’s been taken over. I like to think that even though there are huge buildings and all that money and new people who don’t seem to care about the things I cared about, that those things will still surface.
I bet. I'm going to light some incense. Hope you don't mind.
Burn that sage, sister. By the way, I am using voice text because my Internet connection is kind of slow. Caveat for every typo or mistake!
I wish we could hear your voice.
My audiobook is almost done! It’s the first time I’ve ever been able to record my own audiobook so I’m really excited about it.
CL: Oh! I can't wait to hear that!!! San Francisco was, for many of us in the 80s & 90s, a place to continue “growing up,” as we could afford to do so. Edie, in the novel, is so relatable. What is it about her that makes her so stubborn to change?
Edie’s whole personality was shaped by bands and bars and art and a certain aesthetic that was prevalent in San Francisco in the 90s. When that disappears, she’s not quite sure what to do.
Sorry, I had to step away to wash my hands.
What song did you sing?
Rapper's Delight.
Hero!
No, you are my hero. And, you are truly bi-coastal, regularly coming back to SF to co-host the wonderful Porchlight Storytelling Series, and to see your family. What’s it like having deep roots on both coasts?
If I can’t be a true bisexual at least I can be bi-coastal. And I do love living in New York so I’m still glad that I moved. I like being so deeply from the Bay Area and knowing it so well. And I also love the anonymity of being in New York. No millions of old personal stories to trip you up or slow you down.
Or running into anyone you slept with. Speaking of the Porchlight, what have you learned about storytelling after so many years of organizing these events?
I think that's why I was able to write this book. I have learned so much from the way people tell stories at Porchlight. Not only structurally but as far as really paying attention to what feels authentic and what feels put on.
If you had a piece of advice to share with your younger self, what would it be?
Maybe to step back and listen even more. I was so energetic and enthusiastic about putting myself out there in my 20s but I learned so much once I shut up and chilled out a bit.
@Superprose1 asks: Curious ~ how does novel writing compare to memoir ?
It felt very liberating to me to write a novel after writing so much memoir. I didn’t have to worry about being accurate, I could just be truthful. I could try out different thoughts and feelings on another character without having to claim it as my own.
***
Speed round time!
Ready!
Write what comes to your mind when I say . . . Burrito
El Farolito
UC Santa Cruz [Both Beth and I are proud Slugs.]
Drum circle
“Law & Order” [Beth has appeared as an extra on the show]
Sitting in the jury box.
Hummus
Santa Cruz
Juice Cleanse
I’d totally do it.
Unknown knowns
Astral projection. I’m learning a lot about what a big hippie I am.
It's cause yer near Woodstock.
* * *
Pictures of you. I present: “Beth Lisick: This is Your Life”
OH GOD!!! Are there nudes?
Tell us what’s going on here.
I worked for @fruitguys for years as a banana mascot. I got to travel all over the country. This is me at the San Francisco Marathon.
That’s me and @captaindingbat [writer, actress, and author Tara Jepsen] doing our characters Carole and Mitzi. They only eat pancakes! This is a still from our web series Rods and Cones.
This is a still from a film I acted in by Kara Herold. Called 39 1/2. It shot for six years and I was 47 by the time it was done.
That’s me and Jan Richman when we went on the Richard Simmons fitness cruise! It was for a chapter in my book Helping Me Help Myself. I love Richard!!
Okay! You got me here! Where was this? Look how giant that headband is! And how did I get that amount of cleavage, which is huge for me.
This was at my gangster party many years ago. My roommate Marisa referred to your hairstyle as "the claw."
Wow. I remember that party now. I love seeing photos I've never seen before in outfits I haven't thought about in years. I must have been breastfeeding still.
Taken by Frazer Bradshaw at Sundance. It was his first feature film (and mine too) and it went to Sundance in 2008. It’s called Everything Strange and New. It’s really beautiful. We were backstage and there was popcorn on the floor so it seemed natural to be photographed with it.
* * *
I want to thank Beth Lisick—always my It Girl—for joining us!
Stacey! Thank you so much for doing this. I miss you and everyone at City Lights. Can’t wait to see you all real soon. Lots of love!
I’m going to leave you with a video of The Beth Lisick Ordeal, in their prime. Enjoy!
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ogami Banri Appreciation Post
Ogami Banri is the man that represents “10,000″ in IDOLiSH7 and is one of the hardest workers in Takanashi Productions! This is an appreciation post dedicated especially for him since it’s the 8th of September today - his birthday!
(Sources have also been included wherever possible so you can check it out yourself too!)
• Banri is the biggest IDOLiSH7 stan... in their first live, he was the person that held the most glow sticks and cheered the most! He’s waving his glow sticks so high that you can’t even see them anymore... they’re off-screen??? (What a mood though) Tsumugi and Otoharu, you can do better than him... she’s their manager and he scouted those boys You can even see Banri’s support for them from afar!
BANRI’S GLOW STICKS ARE LITERALLY THE BRIGHTEST THING EVER THOUGH??? Excuse my poor circling, I did it on mobile with my shaky hands lmao Anyways, in a Vibrato trailer, you can hear Banri playing “NATSU Shiyou Ze!” in the background! Moreover, his favourite song is an IDOLiSH7 song, Joker Flag! Banri is thoroughly enjoying himself and that makes me incredibly happy
• Banri’s been employed by TakaPro for (more than) 5 years?? That is a lot of dedication and commitment, whereas he also quite willingly does overtime and even became upset when he was asked to take a break. Wow I can’t relate, I love my breaks
Banri has sworn his life to Otoharu and has said several times that he’ll work for the president for the rest of his life (x) #No Retirement For Banri and has called Otoharu an ikemen before. God, TakaPro is such a wholesome place.
Anyways, Banri is an extremely hard worker as his duties include taking care of Kinako, fanclub registration, preparing lunchboxes, accompanying members of IDOLiSH7 when they finish work late at night (x), he used to pick Tsumugi up from school when it was raining (x) and also does many other things. He also manages the official Twitter page! Overall, a very hard worker! I cannot relate in the slightest but then again—
I, too, would like to sleep in a hammock (x). [I believe ’here’ is a typo and it’s actually meant to be ‘where’...? Random guess though]
• Banri’s househusband stats are over 9000! He can cook, clean and he can do hair too! He’s braided his own hair before, and he’s done a few hairstyles for Tsumugi before.
• Everyone loves Ogami Banri - IDOLiSH7, Takanashi Productions, TRIGGER, Okazaki Productions and Re:vale. There’s a huge joint effort to celebrate Banri’s birthday (x). Moreover, Anesagi’s commented that if they were to be wed to someone then it would be a man like Banri (but if they were to fall in love, then they would want it to be a prince... like Nagi) (x). Everyone loves Banri. Everyone. They even started a debate over it (x).
• Banri looks so good?? This lovely man is a combination of pretty/cute and handsome/hot (whichever words you prefer to use LOL). Moreover, he should be #HairGoals for any person with long hair. Look at how smooth and silky it is... must be spending all of his paycheck to maintain it, you know what though, I’ll bet he’s the type that does absolutely nothing to his hair and it still looks as gorgeous as it does
If you somehow don’t like this man’s appearance, I will convince you otherwise. I mean, even Otoharu says “Banri, you’re handsome as always” and Tsumugi goes “You’re beautiful Banri” (x). Experts at (flirting) praising: the Takanashi family
Like all wonderful men, Banri is actually quite dense! -starts sobbing uncontrollably- During her middle school years, it’s been hinted that Tsumugi had a slight crush on Banri (x) while she herself states it was simply admiration (Tsumugi giving out super mixed signals??) and gave him Valentine’s chocolates, but he thought it was out of courtesy (x). He does like chocolate though (Tanemura Arina’s “Re:member” manga Ch1, pictured below) and he also likes making and eating minced chicken lunchboxes (x)!
SPOILERS FOR MAIN STORY PARTS 2 AND 3 (from the game): Not recommended to be read unless you’ve already seen it, or you don’t mind spoilers
Banri is a former idol and he was a part of the original Re:vale! His singing voice has been praised by IDOLiSH7 when he joins them in karaoke and has sang the song ‘Mikansei na Bokura’!
Banri is absolutely merciless - he talks smack about Yuki whenever he gets a chance and will call Yuki “Disgusting” with absolutely no hesitation (x) but Yuki’s so pretty though. Moreover, Yuki literally got into so much trouble that Banri’s bloody desensitized to troublemakers. He thought of smashing a fake burglar’s face in so hard with a fire extinguisher that they’d never be able to go out in public again (x). A true savage.
He says “I’m trained for situations like this” but is that really the case...? Aren’t you just resorting straight to violence...? I mean, the burglar would’ve started the crime first but Banri’s escalating it to a whole different level lololol
Banri was actually quite good at nicknames surprised at Momo’s appearance in the audience, so he was constantly using nicknames to refer to Momo (x)!
Banri Mindset 101: Why use an actual name when you can just give him a nickname based off your impression of him (well he didn’t know Momo’s name at that time so chronology is doing its work)
According to Yuki, Banri is a natural player(?)! Actually, wait, no Yuki, he really isn’t... He’s had several girlfriends but they have dumped him as a result of Yuki, believing he had another woman on the side (x). I can just imagine it rolling out... “You have another woman?!”, “Wait no—”. I would actually want to see that, sounds like an afternoon soap opera LOL Banri did call Tsumugi cute though, but then Otoharu quickly intercepted LOL
Banri is actually very selfless, like to the point where he would severely injure himself?? What a nice boy -sobs incoherently- In case you don’t recall, the light that fell was originally aimed at Yuki. However, Banri noticed the falling light and shoved Yuki out of the way and then became injured in Yuki’s place. The damage has caused a permanent scar on Banri (x), although the position of it has never been revealed. I really do love the relationship between Yuki and Banri though. Even though Yuki’s always getting into trouble and Banri finds it low key, high key annoying, they still care about each other
Banri’s extremely wholesome though?? He states that he likes the current Re:vale more (Momo and Yuki) which is probably indirectly saying he prefers them over the previous Re:vale (himself and Yuki), and is perfectly content with remaining as their fan, rather than interacting with one another like how it was in the past! Banri’s probably also prefers the current Re:vale because he realised he was interested more in the managerial aspect of being an idol, rather than being an idol itself.
Not really too much a spoiler since it’s on the wiki as well but Banri’s the manager of MEZZO”!
I can literally hear this gif?? I can just hear these two beautiful men talking about their stay to Okinawa and how Tamaki’s soon going to devour that fruit sundae
To conclude this appreciation post, have a solemn Banri!
To be honest though, I couldn’t fit everything that was wonderful about Banri and plus I was starting to lag from the amount of content here. The characters are honestly just so good, but if people actually liked this, I could totally create a ‘Ogami Banri Appreciation Post pt.2′.
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
Cockles vs J2 Tinhats
Someone tagged me in a post with a gif of Jensen smacking Misha in the crotchel region in last year's gag reel. You know the one. Apparently, it is supposed to be proof of Cockles. The person who tagged me ships destiel and cockles. She put a smiley face next to the tag, and she followed me, which might mean she is trying to be friends. Not sure. Well hello hun. Thanks for tagging me. I don't know what the purpose is. Maybe you want me to see what you see. Hunny, I know what cockles is. I am familiar with tinhatting and I am fairly thick-skinned about it. So unless you take the hatty stuff to the actors, I have problem with you...the cockles tinhats actually do tweet hatty things to the actors. Hmm, not cool.
This will be a good opportunity to examine both Cockles and J2 tinhat theories. And why that clip is not proof of cockles for me. Just for fun.
Jensen and Misha
As a lead, Jensen is contracted to be in every episode. Misha, a guest star, is only in a few episodes per season. This means that these two actors don't get to spend a massive amount of time with each other unless they are working. Misha lives, to the best of my knowledge, in Bellingham. Jensen used to live in California, but moved to Austin. Jensen usually does only one panel per year with Misha. Jibcon. If it weren't for conventions, they would spend even less time with each other. If you love some one and you are a lead, wont you ask for more panels with that person. Yes, I know someone will that they don't do more than one panel because the evil bronlies will complain. Hunny, if they cared about fans throwing a tantrum, Misha would have been off the show the minute Jensen received a death threat from hellers.
Misha and Jensen have no common interest. Jensen loves watching sports, playing golf, listening to rock music, playing the guitar and singing. Misha likes, cycling, carpentry and Tibetan throat singing. They have nothing in common. If you like someone who has different interests than you, wouldn't you try to learn more about their interests and join them in pursuing their interests. Jensen and Misha also don't have complimentary personalities. Jensen doesn't swear on stage. Misha is foul mouthed. Jensen doesn't make overtly sexual remarks. Misha is very vulgar on stage. They outlook on the art of acting is also starkly different. Jensen has a love for his craft, whilst Misha has confessed to not having a particular knack or passion for acting.
According to tinhats, Cockles are happily marreid to their respective wives but all four of them have orgies together. Of course, there are variations to this theory. When cockles tinhats are asked what proof they have for how they feel, they say:
Jensen laughs at Misha's jokes [and its a unicorn laugh apparently]
They mention Jibcon, where they claim Jensen got drunk and flirted with Misha on stage.
Jensen and Misha are flirty with each other, caressing each other's cheeks.
Jared Padalecki is proof of cockles because he ships it the most and gives clues to what is going on between Jensen and Misha.
They share shirts.
The crux of Misha's first impression of Jensen [from an earlier con]:
‘He actually seemed standoffish, when I first met him. As I got to know him, however, I realized that he really is standoffish.’
Jared and Jensen
Jared and Jensen are the leads. They spend nine months out of the year working with each other. They have worked together nonstop for the past 13 years and counting. They also live down the road from each other in Austin. They used to live together and were best men at each other's weddings. Their children go to the same school and call dad's friend ''uncle''. Tom is Jensen's greatest fan and Jared regrets not being there for the birth of ''Birdie'' [JJ]. They have an extended family situation. Despite spending all their time together, they also go on holidays together. They are both middle children, both have an older brother and younger sister, grew up in Texas, love country music and sports. Jared plays the guitar in his trailer everyday and, according to Jensen, he is very good. Jared joins Jensen to play golf although he admits he is not very good at it.
Jared doesn't swear on stage. He did once, by accident, but he was mortified and apologized. He makes goofy jokes, not vulgar ones. Jensen admires Jared's rendition of white suit luci but to date hasn't really said anything truly about Casifer. He did laugh at the Empty!Cas voice though. So Jensen admires Jared's acting efforts. It wasn't the first compliment he paid to Jared's acting abilities. He hasn't done the same for Misha's work as Castiel. Jared helped Jensen with the construction work for the FBBC. When Jared got sick at Jib a few years ago, Jensen took to the stage and sang a song because being Jared's emotional support. The next year or so, he sang the song again on Saturday night, with Jared watching teary eyed. That same year Jensen hugged Jared in the closing ceremony. The year after that, Jensen hugged and sang Wayward to Jared in the hallway after the closing ceremony. When he broke down, he hugged Jared many times, but when Misha tried hugging him, Jensen said ''don't''.
According to J2 tinhats, J2 have been married to each other since season four ish. Genevieve signed a contract to be Jared's wife, and Danneel was just helping out her friend Jensen. J2 are the parents of six children. There are variations to this theory too. When asked for proof of their feelings, J2 tinhats say the following:
Jared wiped his snotty nose on Jensen's sleeve.
Jared called his drink and dinner with Jensen #datenight on Twitter.
When someone called Sandy [Jared's ex-girlfriend] his beard, she liked the comment.
When Travis spent his entire panel talking about how in love J2 are, he got pulled out of the next con.
For Jared's honeymoon, he went on a group trek up Machu Pichu and slept in a tent, and for Jensen's honeymoon, Danneel's brother Gino went with them. Both were delayed honeymoons.
Jared wore Jensen's underwear.
The crux of Jared's first impression of Jensen [from a recent afternoon panel]:
'He and I had so much in common. It didn't feel like a blind date.'
I don't tinhat, but I don't blame the J2 tinhat. The Cockles tinhats don't seem to have compelling info, and they take the hatting to the stars. That is not cool.
As far as the gag reel goes, smacking someone in the crotch area is not a sign of affection. It is horseplay. Its pranking. Jared fondles Misha in the crotch area. Misha barreled into Richard, landing on top of him. Its not a big deal, and its certainly not sound evidence of anything other than boys being boys. Enjoy your hatting, but leave the actors alone and don't go out of your way to pull people into your circle. But the J2 tinhats don't do that? As far as I know.
Forgive all typos. Insomnia sucks!
#misha#jensen ackles#destiel#cockles#jenmish#jensen and misha#deancas#casdean#dean x castiel#castiel#cas#bi dean#dean is bi#dean and cas#jenmisheel#dean winchester#destiel headcanon#jdvm#misha collins#sam winchester#sam and dean#jensen and jared#wincest#supernatural#jared padalecki#padackles#performing dean#sabriel#sammy winchester#j2
114 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
thebearme
BEAR
iamansahni8-blog
aman sahni
r4tfromm3rcury
Rat from Mercury
leopardmuffinxo
ᨐᵉᵒʷ
tsukibal
Tsukikannigram