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carolmunson · 9 months

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baby, as if | flashbacks pt. 2

welcome back to the jungle, babes. baby as if: masterlist (read with caution.)

welcome to the second part of the flashbacks. here we see what happened, where the sour parts began. here, we semi-answer the questions for why he's like that. tw: 18+ (21+ preferred), p in v sex, drug use, references to violence, active violence (domestic and non-domestic), references to gun violence, references to violence with a switchblade, references to club going/getting lapdances, established couple arguing, verbal abuse, psychological abuse/gaslighting, screaming matches, etc. dead dove, do not eat. for a more extensive list of trigger warnings please look at the master list.

5 Years Ago

“Oh, fuck that’s it,” Eddie huffs, sweat making the underside of his hair curlier than normal against his neck, “Ride it juss – mmm, shit, just like that.”

“S’good?” you whine out, eyes glassy and begging for a morsel of his praise. You both still had your clothes on, panties pushed to the side under your diner dress, jeans shoved down part way while he leaned back on the driver’s seat of the van – parked hidden away beyond the trees outside the diner parking lot. Your lunch break spent sucking him in between your thighs.

“Mmmfuckyes,” he hisses out, voice gravelly and deep, “Always so good, sweetheart. Fuck, this pussy’s all mine, isn’it?”

“All yours,” you yelp while his palm comes down in a loud crack on the side of your ass, “S’yours.” “That’s right, s’all mine,” he whines, eyes rolling while your hips slap against his pelvis. His hips stutter upwards and still, fingertips sinking into your skin where he grabs you, “Shitshitshitshitshit.” “Ooh yes, cum for me, cum for me,” you gasp, riding him through his orgasm, only slightly lucid from your own moments before. He grins at your encouragement, brows pinching in the ecstasy of his aftershocks before he pulls you in to kiss him while you both come down.

“Fuh-hu-hu-uck, I love you,” he whispers while he catches his breath, “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” you smile into his neck, pressing yourself flush against his chest to hold him tighter.

His palm grazes your back, a soft hum pouring from his chest before he presses a kiss to your shoulder, “You gotta get a new dress for the diner soon, honey. This one’s a little tight, don’t you think?”

“You callin’ me fat, Ed?” you ask, abruptly leaning back from him.

He laughs, shaking his head, “No sweetheart, not at all. M’just sayin’ it’s showing you off a little more than I’d like it to.”

“How else am I gonna get tips, handsome?” you wink. He lets his eyes roam over your for a moment.

He shrugs with the cock of his head, “When you’re right, you’re right, I guess.”

Eddie leans in to kiss you again, one rough hand comes up to cup your cheek, “If things keep goin’ how they’re goin’ you won’t even need to work at the diner anymore, sweetheart.”

“Yeah?” you mumble against his lips.

“Yeah, I’ll be takin’ good care’a you,” he smirks, mouth pressing against your cheek, your jaw, your neck, “Keep you at home with a couple babies, far the fuck away from Indiana.”

“Oh, I gotta stay home with the babies?” you giggle, “I can’t be an award winning journalist while you’re home with the kids?”

“I can do that,” he laughs, nuzzling against your skin, “Be a stay at home dad, watch you be great.” You give each other a few more kisses – soft and gentle, “I’ll see you at ten, kay?” “Okay,” you whisper against his lips, crawling off of him over the console and getting in the passenger's seat so he can drive you back into the parking lot. You touch up your make up in the mirror while he watches, lower lip tucking between his teeth. “You’re too pretty,” he scolds, “Who said you could look so pretty like that?” “Shut up,” you laugh, dabbing your chapstick on with your finger. You give him a final peck on the cheek before getting out of the van altogether, “See you later.”

Time ticks on at the diner and it’s a quiet night besides of the corner booths of your regular construction guys. You always take your time with them because they tip the best right after payday and even if you hate to admit it – they’re a little funny. They’re cute, too.

The grease and oil on their clothes smells like Eddie after a shift at the garage, smells like your dad’s coveralls. It’s what you expect men to smell like these days, never scrunching your nose the way some of the women do who walk by. “Who do you think’s winning Smackdown this season?” Bryan asks you in front of the guys. “Bry, you ask me something about WWE every time you’re here and every time I gotta tell you I have no clue what you’re talkin’ about,” you laugh, writing out the check and slipping it onto the table. “We gotta educate ya, girl,” the guys chime in, “Maybe one of these nights we can have the remote and put it on. We’ll tell you all about it.” “Over my boss’s dead body,” you roll your eyes, “No rush on the check fellas, let me know if you need anything else.” They always hang around late but you never mind too much, they don’t ask a lot and they never get too rowdy now matter how many beers they clear. Bryan and his closer work buddies have been coming around here since long before you were working behind the counter. He knows your birthday and you know his, you met his mom a couple of times, his grandparents twice. His daddy left when he was a kid, but his papa basically raised him.

The bell on the door clinks and you can smell the acrid tobacco from the Camel’s Eddie smoked when the air whooshes in with him. He smiles at you, soft pink lips splitting his face when he sees you behind the shiney linoleum. Ten o’clock on the dot. You pour him a cup of coffee when he sits on the stool across from you. “How long you think it’s gonna take to close up tonight?” he asks, tossing a glance over at the group in the corner booths. His brows raise slightly before he brings his attention back to you: the smear of your mascara under your eyes, the slight dampness at your hairline – too pretty. “Should be ready to hit the road around eleven,” you pass him a couple of creamers and a sugar packet which he always ignores. Sandra tries not to get mad when you flirt instead of closing up.

He leans up on the stool, lips pulling in for a smooch. You oblige him every time, never realizing all the reasons he does it. He wants those boys to know you aren't on the market, well taken care of by a man with his budding reputation. Eddie Munson wasn't really someone you wanted to get on the bad side of, at least that's what people were saying in town under their chitters of day to day gossip. His posture stiffens when the guys get up to pay about a half hour later, when they make jokes with you, when they imply they'll see you tomorrow. Eddie's jaw clenches and releases, rolling his shoulders when they file outside to smoke their end of night cigarettes.

"Busy night?" he asks once the bell stops dinging. "A little," you shrug, you walk around the counter to clean up their table; smiling to see they've stacked everything together to make it easier to carry. "Good tips?" he asks. You nod, patting your apron while you disappear in the back, letting Peter know that was the last of the dishes. Eddie catches you when you reappear, closing in on a slow kiss. "Thought about you all day," he smiles, "Your dad was pissed, I dropped a wrench twice under the hood of some new customer's car." "Don't test him," you tease, "He's a hard ass." "I'm his favorite," he winks, "Gonna be his son one day, right? He can't hate me now." You start to count out the register, catching his eye in between the change of bills -- he winks each time, making your heart race. But your smile falls when you see his phone start to buzz on the table.

“Don’t get all pouty, it could just be Gare,” he says when he catches your change in expression. The soft breath out of his nose tells you enough. “M’sorry baby, I gotta go,” he says, one foot already hitting the white and black tile below him, “Big move over by Rick’s and they need extra support.”

He leans over the counter again to give you a kiss, but your frown is evident. "How am I gonna get home, Ed?" you ask softly. "Aw, honey," he pouts, voice stuffy with baby talk, "M'so mean, huh? Why don't you call your dad? He'll come get you. Unless you wanna wait for me. I’ll be back in – I dunno, two hours tops. Come back a few G’s richer than I was before." "I'm not waiting around outside the diner until one in the morning," you sigh, reaching for your phone in your apron, "I'll figure something out." Your frustration is evident.

“C'mon, look'it me," he says softly, smiling when he meets your eye, "I’ll get you somethin’ pretty tomorrow." He leans forward to kiss you again – short little pecks, “Whatever.” Kiss. “You.” Kiss. “Want.” Kiss. “Don’t make this a regular thing,” you warn, crossing your arms and trying not to smile after the kissy assault. He nods, leaning in again to kiss you on the mouth more seriously than before.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” he says, gathering his keys and bouncing up off the stool, "Text me when you get home. I love you." “I know, handsome,” you nod.. He blushes at the name, you know it’s his favorite – he never really thought he was handsome before you came around to remind him all the time.

“Hey,” he pouts at you from the door, “Say it back.” "I love you, too," you sing song, leaning on your elbow on the clean counter top. That's how it's been -- always with a promise of something pretty, of something new, of something he wants to see you in, to smell you in, to kiss you in. New shoes, new dress, new mascara, new lip gloss, new, new, new. But you were starting to miss the old Eddie who didn’t have to be on call all the time. Eddie, who'd be excited to see Beau at the shop, who wasn’t too tired from being with Rick and the boys, from making deals all night – from pushing bricks in different states.

When 11 hits you make your way out of the diner, your dad didn't answer your call -- both your parents and Beau fast asleep by now. You light a cigarette, seeing the headlights of a car turn on in the dark parking lot headed your way. "Hey, where's your man?" Bryan says from the driver's side, another friend in the passenger. "Had somethin' to do," you shrug, flicking your ash into the bush behind you. "I can give you a ride, if you want."

You weren't in any position to say no to a ride.

A few weeks pass and Eddie hasn't been able to drive you home from the diner at all these days. Date nights coming in a little farther and few in between. Even Beau had been asking where he'd been lately. But tonight it was just the two of you, back pack filled for a night over at his place. Movies snuggled up on his couch, two different kinds of pizza and the cinnasticks you liked so much -- extra iceing. You could barely stop smiling during your mid-shift, giggling at every text message, every smiley he sent your way.

You jump at the harsh sound of the horn outside, expecting him to come in and give your mom a hug like he usually does. He's idling outside of your family's house, knee bouncing and fingers tapping on the steering wheel. Hair tied up, bangs curly and over flowing on his forehead, damp with sweat.

“Is that Ed, honey?” she calls from the kitchen, organizing pins back in her trusty tackle box of hair fixins that she keeps in the cabinets closer to her hair cutting chair.

“Yeah!” you yell back, shoving some essentials in your purse before running toward the door, “Um, I’ll probably see you tomorrow!”

“Okay, tell him I said hi!” she offera while you head outside. He flashes his high beams at you, honking the horn again while you squint under the harsh bright lights. Your keys jingle in your hand while your sneakers sink into the mud from the summer rain, hurrying to open the door.

“Hi handsome,” you smile, but he doesn’t look happy to see you, “You okay?”

“Babe, what’re you wearing?” he asks while he looks you over, “We’re goin’ to the club.”

You look him over, blackest black slim fit slacks, shoes shined, leather jacket newly conditioned while all the hardware glinted back at you in the light above him. You look down at your sweatshirt and jean shorts, your dirty sneakers, “Oh, um, I can go change.”

He sighs, big and heavy, leaning his head back on the headrest, “We don’t have time, I gotta meet Rick beforehand.”

“You didn’t – you didn’t tell me. I thought we were just going to yours tonight,” you say, hoisting yourself into the passengers seat, “So don’t act all – I don’t know – fuckin’ exasperated with me for not dressin’ up.”

He takes a deep breath through his mouth and out through his nose, eyes closing and fingers tightening on the wheel while you click your seatbelt into place, “M’not exasperated with you. But now I gotta leave you at Rick’s ‘cause I’m not gonna be late for this play just cause you don’t read your texts.”

Your furrow your brows at him, his tone feels clipped, sharpened – he was tense like a stretched elastic, waiting to snap, “You didn’t text me.”

“Yes I did,” he huffs, pulling out of the driveway and onto the street, “Why don’t you check?”

You do, even going as far to open your text conversation, his last message from the last hour in his shift: see u in two hours, qt :)

“It’s just from when you texted me from work,” you say, turning the screen toward him, “See?”

He scans it, knee bouncing, fingers drumming, he swipes his hand under his bangs to push away the sweat, “You have bad service or something? Did you delete it?”

“No, babe, I think you just didn’t press send,” you laugh lightly, “Unless you got some other bitches you were supposed to meet tonight.”

His head had never whipped so fast around, “Why would you say somethin’ like that, hm?” he snaps, “What’s wrong with you?”

“Ed, babe,” you say softly, “You serious? I was joking. It was just a slip up, I’ll hang at Rick’s.”

“Well it’s not funny,” he says, leg bouncing so fast it shakes the van at the red light you’re stopped at, “I don’t like that shit.”

Your heart sinks, watching the whites of his knuckles flex and relax on the wheel. Your suspicions might be right about why he was acting like this tonight, “You gonna kiss me hello, or no, Munson?”

His shoulders slump, turning to you to lean in for a kiss, but you catch his eyes in the streetlights – pupils blown to block out his pretty brown irises. Your brows pinch and you reach out to hold his chin in your hand.

“Wait – are you -- are you fucking tweaking right now?” you ask, the anger present on your face.

“Stop it,” he sighs, rolling his eyes and dragging his face out of your grip to look back on the road, “I had a little blow, m’not tweaking.”

“So you’re gonna do this play all revved up? Thought you weren’t ever gonna touch your own stash,” you snap. Eddie wasn’t innocent and you weren’t either, but he was always – always adamant on not touching what he sells.

“I’ve been awake for two days,” he boredly explains, raising his voice to drown out your disappointment, “I needed a boost.”

He grabs your hand from your lap, pulling your knuckles up to his mouth to kiss them, “Don’t be mad, please?”

“I’m not mad you just…you don’t have the right personality to be playing around with that shit,” You huff, savoring the feeling of his soft lips on your fingers.

“M’not playing around with it, it was just for a boost,” he pleads in a whine. You stay glaring at the windshield while his thumb caresses your hand.

“Baby…” he says sweetly, casting his hook, “Don’t be mad, baby girl. I’m sorry.”

Line. Sinker. You try not to grin but can’t help it, warmth pools through your body when he talks to you like that. He presses a kiss to your fingertips this time.

“Do you love me?” he asks. “Unfortunately,” you groan sarcastically.

“I love you more,” he says, keeping your hand with his on his lap, “Love you the most.”

You get to Rick's, hand in hand with your boyfriend while he guides you inside. To anyone else it would look like a party but the group was too small, it's what Eddie would call a gathering. He says his hellos and you say yours before Ed finds the man of the hour in the corner with Steve Harrington -- budding favorite dealer amongst Indiana's elite. "Harrington," Eddie nods, his arm skating around your waist. They nod at eachother mid conversation, you both wave. You try not to listen to whatever they're talking about, not wanting to get caught up in the stress. The smoke in the air burns your eyes against the neon pink light fixtures burning on the wall. You wonder where Rick ordered these one's from -- or stole them. Something. "Alright baby, I'm gonna head out with the guys but I'll be around later, alright? I'll come get you," he promises, pressing kisses on your cheek that offer you whispers of his cologne. It's not too long before a joint is perched between your lips, hearing the revs of cars and Steve's motorcycle outside, all headed to he same place. But Eddie didn't show up -- popped up two days later with a cross tattoo on one of his knuckles -- fresh. His eyes were dark, under eyes darker -- tense and overwhelmed -- but much richer than he was two days before. Not showing up became regular. Countless texts and calls of: ‘Sorry baby, things are running late.’ ‘Sorry baby, have to run some plays for Rick.’

‘Sorry baby, gotta go to Michigan with some of the guys.’

'Sorry baby, I'm just so tired.'

Bryan drove you home every shift for two months, ever since Eddie stopped coming by. Started spending his nights at clubs and bars to deal, ignoring your calls and texts for days on end.

You let Bryan start kissing you goodbye.

Four and a Half Years Ago

Eddie got another cross tattoo a month after his first, hunkering down and laying low for a while, especially now that his daddy was out of jail. No one liked Mack Munson the way they liked his son, not the same criminal he was. Mack did crime for sport, how far can you go? How many people can you hurt? How many envelopes can you push until you've pushed too many? He's normally out for a few months before he's back in again, but that's easy when you've got no where to go.

Eddie was different -- making a name for himself in all the right ways. Oh, a kid at the park's bike got stolen? Eddie got him a new one. Wayne's car broke down? He covered the cost to fix it. Mrs. Costner couldn't pay her heating bill? Don't worry, Eddie will be there with the cash before you can say 'hypothermia.' Even the cops were starting to let him slide if he could spare a few pills, a few ounces, a few dollars. It felt good to be bad if he could get some good out of it. Not that he was telling you anything, this was through the grapevine. Checking your phone to some of your friends with pictures of him at the club. 'This your man?'

Maybe.

He'd come see you sometimes at the diner, fresh and clean, nails shined and silver shinier. Eddie would look at you with those love sick eyes, watching you work in the overhead light. Your smile, your laugh, the way you hold one hand on your hip while you pour coffee. His phone would buzz and then he'd leave, sometimes without saying goodbye.

Your boyfriend, the ghost. Sex felt different when he offered it, he seemed distracted. You could've sworn you saw a girl's name pop up on the screen when he had a call come in but he'd flip it over before you were sure. Forehead to forehead, panting while he held your face in place to look at him. I love you, I love you, I love you. It was hollow, the dark blackness of his oversized pupils daring you to not say it back. You always did. How could you not?

Bryan was different -- he was long car rides and shared doughnuts. He always let you play your favotite songs on the radio. You weren't walking on egg shells, he liked when you bantered with his friends. There wasn't an underlying dread beneath every interaction the way it had become with Ed.

And Bryan's pupils always stayed the same size.

You aren't expecting to see Eddie's van outside the diner when you finish up your mid-day shift. The fall weather turned the sun down hours ago, but the night was still young and abuzz with life. You'd planned on going out since you had the weekened off, but it seemed like Eddie had different ideas for you.

He shoved the diner door open, looking disheveled and out touch, reeking of cigarettes he chainsmoked before he got in. "You done for the night?" he asks while you come around the corner of the counter with your jacket on. "Yeah, um -- why're you here? You didn't text me," you ask quietly, following him out into the crisp air. You wave your goodbyes through the newly repaired window to a dissapointed Sandra -- even if Eddie paid for the fix, she still didn't like that boy.

"We're goin' for a ride," he mumbles, "Gotta talk to you about somethin'."

You heart sinks and then hammers when you get in the passengers seat of the van. Fear floods through your veins, even overpowering your disappointment when you see a lipgloss in his cup holder that you know doesn't belong to you.

You take the moment that he's distracted from a phonecall with Gareth to text Bryan that you won't need a ride, shoving the phone in your pocket where he can't see. Eddie takes you to the lake where you both used to sit in talk in the summers when you were first getting to know each other. This visit didn't feel friendly in the same way, this time you knew he wasn't going to awkwardly reach for your hand or fumble over his wors like he used to.

“So you fucked some other guy?” he asks, flicking his cigarette into the lake, “You cheated on me?”

“I – Eddie -- we've barely been seeing each other. You've been dodging for months,” you explain, “I thought we were done.”

“Did I say that? Did I break up with you?” he snaps, “Cause I’m pretty sure your dad still thinks I’m your boyfriend. Pretty sure all the guys still think I’m your boyfriend. And now I look fuckin’ stupid ‘cause you’re goin’ around with some asshole.”

You shook your head no, feeling his anger radiate off of him, so quick to find it these days, “M’not goin’ around with someone. We aren’t like, together or anything. He took me on a few dates, he drives me home, we kissed, we–”

“You fucked him,” he spits, “And I know you did cause you can’t fuckin’ look me in the eyes. You at least owe me that much.”

You reluctantly make eye contact with him, your reflection shining back in his wet angry gaze. You take a deep breath through your nose and out through your mouth shakily, “Yeah, I fucked him. At least he’s fucking around for me to fuck.”

“Oh, s’that what this is?” he scoffs, “Not getting enough attention? God for-fuckin’-bid huh? God forbid I got shit to take care of so I can help out my uncle and get ‘im set up in an apartment. God forbid I start movin’ up the ranks so I can start making some more cash. And-and-and god fuckin’ forbid I take some different shifts at the garage so I can sleep in a little after being up all night tryna not get busted by Hopper and his fuckin’ pig brigade. So sorry I wasn’t comin’ home to you with flowers every night, I had to take care of some other shit. I mean Jesus Christ do you ever think about anyone but yourself?”

Your eyes meet the earth again, watching the way your calves flexed and unflexed, the crease and re-crease of your sneakers.

“You’ve been at the club, Ed,” you murmur quietly, “So you’re not so innocent either.”

“At the club?!” he balks, “You mean sellin’ drugs at the club?”

Your eyes burn with tears because he’s not hearing you, “You’re n-not just selling at the club. The girls’ve been showing me p-pictures. You’ve been hooking up there long before I started seeing Bryan.”

He lights another cigarette, letting the smoke billow out into your face, “So his name’s Bryan, huh? Okay.”

He takes a step toward you, sticks and wet grass crunching under his boots, “And what’s so great about Bryan, baby?”

You swallow thickly, suddenly aware of his looming presence, how big he can make himself seem when he’s angry. He takes another crunching step towards you, only a foot between the ends of your sneakers and the tips of his Docs. You feel the smoke of his next drag kiss your face again, hear his arms cross over his t-shirt.

“You forget how to talk, princess?” he bites. You shake your head no, matching his posture by crossing your arms over your chest. The straps of your tank top bite at your shoulders uner your jacket when you do, your bra straps pulling along with them.

“He cares,” you say quietly, “He’s not…he’s not giving me up to go, I don’t know, have strippers dance on him so he can make a buck at a bar.”

“He cares? Is that what you call it?” Eddie laughs bitterly, “So it wasn’t me caring about you when you’d call me every night from your dorm? Not me helpin’ watch your little brother when you needed to take an extra shift or two? Helping your mom with her errands? It’s not me caring when we’d drive out to the dunes cause you wanted to put your toes in the sand – you know how much money I lost that day?”

Your eyes pool with tears when you remember that day, he’d tossed his phone in the trunk. Nothin’s as important as bein’ with my girl, baby.

“Buying you a new TV for Beau so he can play video games in his room and not bother your dad? Fuck, takin’ your dad out to lunch so we can talk about the future I want with you? But I don’t fuckin’ care? Askin’ him your ring size but I don’t fuckin’ care?!” his voice raises with every sentence.

You wince when he shouts, not expecting the anger to be so explosive. His pupils are blown, but that was starting to become more expected than before. He shakes his head, "You know what, babe? You're right. I don't fuckin' care. I don't fuckin' need you." Eddie tosses his cigarette to his feet, stomping it out. "Plenty of other pussy to keep me occupied, right?" he asks, head tilting when he looks at you, "Since that's who I am, huh? Didn't bother to ask me if I was fuckin' around did you?"

"S'not like you'd tell me the truth," you argue back quietly, voice meek while you hold back your tears. "Pffft," he scoffs, "Better watch that attitude on you, girl. You're gonna run that mouth to the wrong person one day. Not every guy is like me."

He crunches back toward the van, lingering his eyes on you while he stands at the open door on the drivers side. His face is pale in the light of the moon, eyes aching for you to say something. Almost yearning before he hardens again. "Bryan can pick you up, right?"

Four-ish/Three-ish Years Ago

Bry asked you to be his girlfriend two weeks after your fight with Eddie. Pulled out all the stops with that union money; good dinners, nights out on the town, all the boys knew how to do was drink beer and party. You finally started to understand WWE in a way you weren't sure you were supposed to, but it was as fun as it was ridiculous. Boys nights became boys nights plus you, the crowd favorite. Pulled in for soft kisses on football Sundays and baseball games, borrowed jackets if it got chilly. Eddie never let you wear his jacket. After a month you were sure that you'd made the right decision. The soft way he looked at you, his sandy hair, the callouses on his hands from a hard day of work. He was a good boy, good enough that Sandra made sure to give them discounts every time him and his friends came in. You only thought about Eddie when you'd run into him or that crew in town, cigarette between his full lips and a snarl to match.

Eddie didn't like to be made a fool of the way you'd made a fool of him. After another month, you barely thought about him anymore -- you had other things to worry about.

Bliss has its costs.

The first time Bryan hit you it was a blip in time, followed by a water fall of apologies. Before you noticed how much beer he was backing when he was out with the guys, why he started off so nice. You never saw him after he got too drunk -- angry and ruddy in the face. Stumbling into his apartment where you'd be there waiting for him. He stopped liking it when you'd joke around with his friends. He stopped liking it when you'd come to boys nights. He stopped letting you listen to your favorite songs in the car.

But when he was good, he was so, so good.

When he was bad, he was horrid.

Eventually, your parents noticed that you stopped coming around. You never showed up at the shop, stopped bringing Beau to and from camp and school. Your mama never saw you, you hardly came home. Your daddy would text you in the morning and ask if you’d be in the diner that night to get a glimpse of you. Bryan would snatch your phone at every incessant call.

“Why do your folks wanna talk to you all the time?” he’d ask, “Did you tell ‘em you wanna leave?”

You got so many bouquets over the next five months you could open a flower shop or a funeral service. Either way, they were more often than not. The 'sorry's' never stopped coming and the bruising started to match. You went through concealer like the diner went through cooking grease -- opting to start wearing readers to work to detract from the caked up product on your cheeks, by your lips, on your throat. But no matter how bad it got your heart would soar at his smile, at his gentle touch, at the softness of his kiss. You knew now why it was so hard for all those other women to leave.

You started hearing stories about Eddie -- more erratic than he was before but somehow more beloved around his part of town. A violent type of Robinhood that you didn't want to cross. Gareth came by the diner one night when you had finally gone in, sitting across from you with a smile while you caught up on a slow Tuesday. Told you all about it, about him, about what was new with the guys. It felt nice, like old times -- a fondness in your chest blooming when you watched him leave.

Two days later, your phone buzzed in the darkness of Bryan's apartment -- RESTRICTED popping up on the screen. You didn't have to guess who it was; Gareth wasn't coming in for a late dinner. He was doing rounds. He was keeping tabs on you.

Bryan had passed out on the couch hours ago, the deep steadiness of his snoring echoing through the living room. You reach for your phone, tip-toeing to the back porch while you consider denying the call -- but you know he'll just keep calling. He hates being left in the dark.

You answer shakily, “Hello?”

“Where are you?” you hear him ask in a low voice, menacing, “Sandra told me what’s goin’ on. Where are you? Now.”

“Nothing’s goin’ on, Ed,” you say quietly.

“If nothings goin’ on then why’re you whisperin’, hm? You keepin’ quiet for what?” he challenges, “Are you at his house?”

“I’m not telling you where I am.” “You think I won’t find you? I got eyes all over this place,” his laughs, “You don’t think if I tell Sandra I’m comin’ to save your ass she won’t give me your schedule?”

“There’s a reason she doesn’t give it out to you,” you hiss, “It’s literally illegal. Can you stop your fuckin’ hero shit? You think you’re any better?”

“Hero shit?” he growls, “Your mama keeps calling me crying on the phone asking if I’d seen or heard from you at all. Your daddy hasn’t slept in days thinking maybe this asshole finally snapped your fuckin’ neck. You keep skippin’ out on shifts at the diner and you wanna shit on me for tryna help? Fuck outta here.”

“I’m fine,” you say through gritted teeth, “Stop. Calling.”

“And yeah, sweetheart, I do think I’m better,” his voice raises, blaring through the receiver, “When’d you ever hear that I’m beating on the bitches I take home? Who am I beating on? Don’t make shit up just ‘cause you wanna be stubborn.”

"Fuck off," you hiss. "Why did Gareth tell me you got bruisin' everywhere, hm? Why did Sandra stop me the other night at Melvald's to tell me to call you? I know she doesn't like me, so it must be serious -- right?" he challenges.

"I have it under control," you growl. "Yeah?" his voice lilts, argumentative and ready to go, "Well fu--" "Who're you talkin' to?"

Bryan takes your phone before you can answer.

When you show up to your shift the next day Sandra can barely recognize you, tears welling up in her eyes when you come in the door.

You do your best not to meet her gaze, simply nodding when she asks 'Was it him?'

You woke up late, knowing you couldn't miss another day or the owner would fire you -- already on probation for all the work you've missed. Didn't have a chance to shower let alone do your makeup, not that you could bare to touch some of it.

The morning is slow, she let's you sit in the back and cry it out to Paul while he flips burgers and flap jacks on the grill. You prep, chopping up whatever he could have you chop, anything to keep you back with him unless Bryan thought it was a good time to show up with his buddies.

He passes you a lemonade and two Advil at noon, winking in the way grandfather's do when they know you've had a bad day.

"Here ya go, sugar," he smiles. You smile back, igorning the sting of the tear in your lip reopening at the gesture.

"Thanks, Paul."

The bell dings during another slow period and you smell Camels before you catch a familiar whiff of Creed Aventus.

"She's in the back," you hear Sandra mutter through the server window.

“Oh, girl, what did he do to you?” You know that smoky voice anywhere, it pours like ice down your back. “You can’t be here,” you shake your head, stepping away while he steps closer to you.

“Hey, look,” he starts with his hands up, soft and gentle, “Look, look. Sandra called me, I’m just coming to pick you up.”

“I have to be here,” you assure, “I can't leave early, he's gonna know.” “That’s fine,” Eddie shrugs, “I’ll tell him you’re comin’ with me.”

You shake your head no, “It’s fine Ed, I can handle this. Please just go home.”

“I’m not doin’ this with you,” he shakes his head in response, gruffer this time, “This isn’t for me. Your folks, they – they miss you. Beau misses you. Asks me if I’ve seen you every time he’s at the shop. I can’t be lyin’ to Beau like that. Don’t you miss him? Don’t you miss your folks?”

Your lower lip wobbles when you think about Beau, all the basketball games you missed for his youth league. The voicemails of him begging you to come.

"C'mon, Sandra said it's okay if you dip out early," he says, ecouraging you with caution -- like you're a feral cat about to run away, "Come with me, I'll take you back to his so we can get your stuff." "Eddie please," you beg, "Please don't get involved -- he'll get the cops on your back I --" "I'm not worried about cops," he chuckles, a knowing smirk flickering on his lips, "Get your jacket, come get in the van." "I can't..." you urge again, throat tight with a threatening cry. You turn around, back to your chopping, drowning out the blood pumping in your ears with the beat of the knife.

"You can, c'mon." You ignore him, feeling his eyes on you, narrowing down to burn holes in the back of your skull. He doesn't have the same patience he used to. You hear his soft sigh, the cross and uncross of his leather jacket, the tinkling of his chains and hardware.

"Baby..."

The dam breaks as his smooth honey voice; it had been so long since someone had called you that. Said it like that, so low and pretty, like he means it. You let out a choked sob when you feel his palm slide over your back and around your shoulder.

"Oh, baby, baby, come here," he whispers, pulling you into him while you fall apart. Tears streaming over the bruises on your cheek bone, the tear in your lip, over your jaw.

"Let's go get your stuff, okay?" he asks, rubbing your back against the polyester of your work dress -- you got a new one in a size too big when Bryan said he didn't like how your old one fit, "Come on, let's go get in my car."

"Prince of the trailer park," Bryan grits toward Ed when he knocks on the door, "To what do I owe this white trash surprise?" "Comin' to get her stuff," he respons nonchalantly, "You gonna let me in or what?"

"Her stuff?" Bryan asks, sick smirk sliding over his face, bleary eyes peering into the van parked by the sidewalk. "What's she tellin' you?" he asks, arms crossed over his white tee, freckled arms flashing against the fabric.

"Nothin'," Ed shakes his head, "Just comin' to get her stuff." Bryan takes a step forward and that's all it takes to get Ed ready to go, arm out to keep his distance, to keep himself between your boyfriend and the van.

“I’m not playin’ around today, man,” Eddie warns, “Let me go grab her stuff and this doesn’t have to be a problem.”

“Problem? You’re ninety pounds soakin’ wet,” Bryan laughs, his couple inches on Eddie helping to bore over him, “What’s she telling you?”

“She hasn’t had to tell me anything,” Ed repeats, “S’all over her face. You’re all over her fuckin’ face man, now let me in the door before I do something you don’t like.”

Bryan lunges, but he’s not quick enough, the soft click of a gun cocking puts him back at attention. “My uncle did two tours, Bry, you think I don’t know my way around a trigger?” Eddie smirks. You watch from the van, horrified, heart racing when you see the black metal gleam in broad daylight. Ignoring Eddie’s demands to stay in the car you throw open the door and run to the sidewalk.

“What the fuck, Ed?” you rasp out, voice heavy with your earlier cry, “Put that shit away.”

Bryan catches your eye, looking at you with a fuming rage, “This is all you, huh?”

“No, it’s not – I didn’t say anything,” you plead up at him, “I promise.”

“Listen pal,” Eddie continues, another step forward while his heavy boot finds its way over the door frame, “We can make this real easy if you let me.”

They bark at each other like rabid dogs when the doors close behind the three of you, a barrage of insults from Bryan’s liquor soaked mouth. You grit your teeth, jaw tight while you decide what’s worth it to keep and what’s not. Your eyes glaze over with tears and the whirl of the place around you.

When did Eddie start carrying a gun?

When you’ve fit as much as you can in your duffle you make your way towards the door; hearing Eddie’s low growl of the threat when Bryan makes it way over to you.

“If you think for one second you’re gonna see or hear from her again then I promise you, you are sorely mistaken,” he mutters, the scrape of metal on metal rings in your ears when his rings slide over the short barrel.

“If I remember correctly, you’re not around too to find out are you?” Bryan bites back.

Eddie chuckles smugly, a tight pulled smile across his face with his dimples deep on his cheeks, “I got eyes on every corner, chief. Don’t test me.”

“We’ll see about that, huh Munson?” Bryan nods, eyes settling on Eddie’s knuckles – another fresh cross tattoo blazoned across pale skin.

“We won’t see about shit,” Eddie nods back, “I always keep my promises.”

He takes you to his place -- his uncle in a nice little apartment in the city now so the trailer's his. It looks the part, new repairs and updates the other people in the park couldn't believe when he started making them. You fret and worry the whole way there, not looking at him once for the ride, not even a thank you.

"He won't come to mine," Eddie soothes in the car, "I got a friend outside your folks place, too."

"Mhm," you nod, watching the town woosh by while he presses on the gas, two turns and it's just trees lining the street.

"You're okay," he says when he pulls in, hopping out to open your door from the otherside, "C'mere."

You follow him in, collapsing on his bed the moment you make it into his room. His sheets are fresh, they smell like him on his side, pillow laced with a few strands of his wavy hair.

"You know you're the only one I ever let in my bed," he says softly, kicking his boots off in line with his other shoes. "Hmm," you hum, too despondent to reply.

"Scooch," he mumbles, warm palm pushing gently at your arm. You make room for him, hearing his jacket slide off and his belt get undone. If it was a year and some change ago the sound would've sent your reeling with need, now it just sounds hollow.

He slides in next to you, encouraging you to flip over so he can see you. You haven't looked in those soft brown eyes in a while, it almost hurts. His brows furrow and then soften, yearning the way they did before he left you by the lake.

"You hurtin'?" he asks, hand reaching up to run over your hair, "Can I get you something?"

"I took some Advil at work," you answer, the ache at a dull thud in your face. Exhaustion starts to overtake you while you sink into his mattress, the first time you've felt safe in months.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks, thumb sliding feather light over the bruise on your cheek bone.

"Didn't want you to be right," you croak out. "Sounds like you," you smiles back. He comes in closer, arm snaking around you like he used to.

"I missed you," he whispers, "All the time."

Your eyes water, "Don't...don't do that."

"Baby, I'm being honest," he urges, "Couldn't stop thinking about you."

"You don't mean that," you sniffle, your heart sinking while he pours out more confessions.

"Of course I mean it," he says, looking at you with desperation behind his gaze. He leans in slow, warm lips brushing yours, careful not to press to hard on the swollen corner of yours. You relent, letting him kiss you, letting his hands roam over your waist and push you in from between your shoulder blades.

"Didn't you miss me?" he asks. The pit in your stomach knows that you didn't -- you didn't miss him breaking off dates, you didn't miss the ignored calls, you didn't miss him fucking off for who knows how long. You didn't miss finding lipgloss in his car, hair strands that weren't yours.

But you missed this. The way it feels to be told that you're the only one allowed in his bed. The only one he sends someone to keep tabs on. The only one he misses.

You nod, your body moving this time to get close to him.

"I'd never hurt you like that," he mumbles against your lips, "Not my baby. Not my girl."

He holds your eyes in his when he puts you gently on your back, gingerly pulling off your diner dress. He presses kisses down your neck, across your chest.

"Let me make you feel special," he says down at you, light shining behind his head like a halo, "Let me show you how special you are."

He still knows your body like he wrote the schematics for it, pulling soft needy moans out of you like a never ending string of chords he's always known how to play. You almost forget the thumping pain in your head, peppered in gentle kisses at every wince. 'I love you' weighing heavy on his tongue when he keeps eye contact, but never passing his lips. Never passing yours. Maybe neither of you have to say it.

You both settle afterwards, two rounds have pushed you past the point of exhaustion -- fast sleep in his arms after a bottle of water and two more Advil out of the palm of his hand.

You wake up in darkness, a sea of dark blue and black with a soft green glow of his side table clock. A little past midnight.

Your head pounds, dehydrated from all the crying. You search for your phone in the blankets -- noticing the bed next to you is empty while doing so. You peer over the mattress, no light coming in from under the door.

"Ed?" you call out, but no one responds. You sigh, finally finding your phone somwhere under your hip. Your inner thighs ache from having his hips slam into them hours before, hips in their full extension while he pushed into you deeper and deeper.

274 missed calls. All from Bryan.

Your blood runs cold, looking out the window to see Eddie's van missing. A car you don't recognize sits a trailer away, humming with muffled music, a shadowed figure inside behind a cloud of smoke. A gentle moment of ease flits through you -- at least someone was looking out.

i just woke up, where are you? who's the guy outside?

You wait for a bit, going through your socials to make sure Bryan is blocked on everything. You delete all the messages, not bothering to read them so your fear doesn't spike again.

Your phone buzzes.

i'm out.

You swallow, hoping he's not making good on any promises -- not after that show earlier this afternoon. But you don't have to wonder past the next scroll on Instagram.

Grainy with a filter is a photo posted 45 minutes ago from a friend of a friend, a bottle girl at the club that all the boys love the most. With two girls on each thigh there sits Eddie in a VIP back room, laughing at someone in the background -- whiskey neat in one hand, cigarette in the other. The caption makes your heart hammer --

'our king on his throne. ♡'

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #dark!eddie munson #dark eddie munson #stranger things fan fiction #modern!eddie munson #modern eddie munson #eddie munson smut #eddie munson angst #eddie munson #eddie x y/n #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fan fiction

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mickeyswhore · 7 months

Text

Just A Nobody

A/N: might feel silly and write a Part 2 of this, lmk if I should.

Summary: Homelander wants you, and you find an unlikely ally in Soldier Boy, at least that's what you think.

Soldier Boy x Reader

Warnings: not a lot of smut, manipulation, degradation.

GIF by @coppoladelrey

You started working at Vought while you finished college, Ashley needed a new assistant and she wanted someone young to be able to relate to the younger demographic that you represented. To say that your job was a nightmare was the understatement of the year, everyone treated you like a doormat, especially people in the Seven, except Starlight but when she left you were in the lion’s den again.

You had a system of how to navigate the supes, if it was The Deep, never be in a room alone with him under no circumstances. If it was Noir, it didn't matter because he never talked to you or anyone else for that matter so he was harmless, A Train was a mess and Ashley was very strict with you, never do any favours for him so you stayed away, Queen Maeve was always unpleasant with you so you stayed away. The only person Ashley said that you needed to do anything they asked was Homelander, which resulted in him rentelesly flirting with you.

The different ways that you were avoiding him were insanely creative, you knew that no one could stop Homelander if he decided to attack you so you had to rely only on yourself and your intelligence. You were constantly stressed, every time you went to work you were on the verge of a panic attack and you were so close to quitting when Vought took it upon themselves to pay for your college.

“Ashley? What is this?” You were so pissed, you had written up your resignation letter and everything.

“You’re welcome are the only words that should be coming out of your mouth right now, darling.” You despised her tone, it was filled with a superiority complex.

“I didn't ask for this.” You protested.

“It wasn’t me, alright? It was Homelander! You made quite an impression on him, if I were you I’d express some gratitude.” She left, tears were already running down your cheeks. Homelander basically owned you and he would come back to claim you.

After freaking out and hyperventilating for hours in Ashley’s office, you decided to take a sick day and go to your apartment. You needed a way out of this but you had no idea of how yet, you took the subway and went home after warning Ashley.

At home you were thinking about what to do, if you ran away Homelander would eventually find you. He found his son and the mother and was with Vought’s help, you wouldn’t even last a day. While you were freaking out and thinking about all of the worst possible scenarios Ashley was blowing up your phone.

WHERE ARE YOU?????

SOLDIER BOY WAS FOUND

NEED YOU HERE STAT

NOWWWWWWWWWW

You thought that Soldier Boy was dead since before your father was born, maybe Ashley was mistaken? Maybe Vought being in disarray about this person would clear you from being away from Homelander for a while. You got up from your sofa and you were ready to get back to work and deal with Ashley almost having a mental breakdown. When you opened the door you saw him there, your blood ran cold.

“Homelander.” You whispered and he smiled, his smile always unsettled you. “What you’re doing here?” You had no idea that he knew you where you lived, that made you so fucking scared.

“I wanted to explain myself, I paid for your college tuition and we barely spoke before.” He entered your apartment and looked everywhere, you felt so violated.

“It’s gonna have to wait, Ashley needs me.” You were about to touch him so he could leave your apartment but his facade fell.

“She can wait.” You felt the urge to cry but somehow you didn't.

“Not really, Soldier Boy is back.” That was the first time you saw Homelander scared, and for a second you were more afraid of Soldier Boy than Homelander. Who was he that even the strongest man on earth is afraid of? “So I really need to go. You understand that, right?” You had no idea what he was going to do, you sighed relieved when he got out of your apartment.

“It’s fine, I’ll take you back to the tower.” Homelander motioned for you to follow him and you looked confused.

“No worries, I’ll take the subway.” He invaded your personal space and got inches near your face.

“I’m trying to be a gentleman here, girl. I said, I’ll take you.” Homelander was definetly getting off on the fact that you were scared of him, the way you smelled when you were scared and he didn't hide the fact that he enjoyed it. You simply nodded and the two of you walked in silence outside.

Outside, Homelander scooped you up and flew with you that made you so scared but you didn't even had the mental capacity to scream. You were at Vought in less than two minutes, you were about to remove yourself from Homelander when he kept you in place.

“Meet me in my room at 10, hm?” He smiled wickedly at you and released you. It felt as if you couldn’t breathe and Ashley’s words were repeating in your head:

“If I were you I’d express some gratitude.”

You knew what was implied but you didn't want to do this, why it had to be you? Why couldn’t Homelander just find you unnatractive? You were just a nobody, why couldn’t it continue that way?

Ashley was waiting for you, and apparently all of the testing proved that it was Soldier Boy. How he was able to look the same age or get captured are questions that need to be answered. The two of you entered the room Soldier Boy was being held, Ashley needed to talk to him about all of the optics, how he was going to be in the Seven, if he insisted on it. Vought was more than happy to keep him under wraps, you can’t really control a supe, no matter how hard you tried.

Soldier Boy had his head down, he didn't look at Ashley when she introduced herself and started rambling about PR and how to mitigate the situation and you could tell that he wasn’t interested in the slightest. That’s when he looked at you, and the look he gave you was not one you describe, no one ever looked at you that way before.

“Shut the fuck up.” His voice boomed around the room and Ashley stopped talking instantly. “I’ll talk to her and her only.” Soldier Boy pointed at you and the two of you were speechless. Ashley quickly left the room and the two of you were alone, you sat down in the chair that your boss was sat a couple of seconds ago.

“Why do you want to talk to me?” You whispered, you have no idea why you had the courage to speak first maybe because since Homelander wanted you in his room, you had nothing to lose.

“I want to know what you do you think I should do, doll?” He looked genuinely interested in your opinion, but the reason behind it was totally lost on you.

“But why?” The look on your face could only be described as utter confusion making Soldier Boy laugh.

“You seem the only person I’ve seen so far to have integrity.” That took you by surprise and you simply nodded. “So? What do you think I should do?” He asked again, this time it seemed that was impatient.

“Well, you’ve been tortured by Russians all this time. The thing that seemingly makes the most sense is getting revenge?” It sounded more like a question than a statement and Soldier Boy picked up on that.

“You’re not sure? Speak up, woman.” He banged his hand on the table and startled you, making you jump slightly.

“If I was you, I would take the time to decompress and enjoy something before going on a suicide mission killing everyone that wronged you.” You said rather quickly and he grinned at you.

“You’re not wrong, doll. Tell Vought that I want a private island, and if you want a promotion you can come live with me and be my handler, I’ll need one since mine is fucking dead.” He laughed and you were about to refuse when Homelander’s demand for you to be in his room flashed in your mind.

“Alright, I accept.” If that meant being as far away from Homelander as possible, you’d accept whatever job in a heartbeat.

“Great to hear, sweetheart.” Soldier Boy smiled at you, there’s no denying that he’s the most handsome man you’ve ever laid eyes on. “Are we done here?” He spoke in the direction of the glass, you could tell that he was annoyed but he wasn’t as scary as Homelander, you felt at ease with Soldier Boy.

----------------------------------

You didn't leave Soldier Boy’s side, the deadline to meet Homelander was approaching and if you were with a supe that wanted you near there’s nothing that Homelander can do, right? So you took full advantage of your brand new position, Ashley was annoyed about the fact that she needs a new assistant. But she wasn’t about to go against Soldier Boy, so she kept quiet.

Homelander was not happy about your new predicament, he was supposed to have you all to himself. He was looking for you, but you were packing all of Soldier Boy’s clothes that Vought even after all this time, that was very handy. Packing was always something that brought you peace, so you were humming your favourite songs whilst doing this chore. You gasped when you realised that Homelander was right behind you, he was angry you could tell that much, you looked around and realised that Soldier Boy probably went to the bathroon so you were all alone with Homelander.

“Let me get this straight, you’re going to jump on Soldier Boy’s dick the moment I pay for your college tuition? Talk about being an ungrateful brat.” He walked slowly towards you, and you took a step back.

“It was a job opportunity, a really good one…I…” Homelander raised his finger to stop you from talking.

“No, no.” He got closer to you, this was it. He was going to kill you, he raised his hand and caressed your cheek. “You’re not his, you’re mine.” You started crying, that’s when you heard someone clearing their throat.

“Do we have a problem here?” It was Soldier Boy and you were relieved, Homelander was pissed and your saviour was as cool as cucumber.

“No, we do not.” It was the first time you saw fear in Homelander’s features, and he quickly got away from you and he left without saying another word. After he left you sat down in Soldier Boy’s bed and sighed relieved.

“What’s going on between the two of you? Do I have to kill a supe to keep my handler?” Soldier Boy snickered and you let out a small laugh.

“He…always wanted…me.” The awkwardness seeping through every pore of your body makes you cringe. “He also demanded me to be in his room now…so…he came to talk.” Soldier Boy had a strange look on his face, the only thing that you could place was jealousy? That wasn’t possible, he barely knew you? You just ignored it.

“He’s never gonna bother you again, don’t worry.” Soldier Boy placed his hand on your thigh and it felt…nice. You knew that Soldier Boy was attractive, but him being comforting? The icing on the cake.

“Thank you, Soldier Boy.” You gave him a genuine smile.

“Ben.” You looked at him confused. “My name is Ben.” He clarified and the two of you smiled.

-------------------------------

You and Ben, as he insisted to be called were now in this private island. You realised quite quick that besides some members of staff that took care of cooking and cleaning, the two of you were all by yourselves. But other than that, you had the most amazing bedroom ever, it was bigger than your apartment and you couldn’t be happier to be away from Homelander.

Ben was always flirting with you, he never stopped. He was also touching you constantly but it never made you uncomfortable, it felt natural to have that intimacy with him. Your days consisted of just making sure that Ben was comfortable and if Vought had any plans for him, which they never did. That made the supe on the edge, you could that he wanted something and you had no idea what.

Until you found out.

It was raining, so neither of you left the house. Ben still hasn’t come out of his bedroom which was odd, he was the first one to wake up at 5 AM. You needed to ask him about what he wanted to eat, so you approached his door before you could knock you heard his gruntings and moaning, he was masturbating in there.

“I know you can hear me, doll. I can smell your arousal from a mile away.” You got caught and there was no way out, so you opened the door and there he was was, his dick was huge, it felt that it should be on a porn actor not a super hero. “There she is, why don’t you come here and let me fuck your mouth, huh?” It felt that he had power over you, so that was exactly what you did.

When you took his cock in your mouth, Ben grabbed your head and started fucking your throat. You tapped his leg so he could slow down but he didn't, you were gagging around his cock, it was painful but he never slowed down. Tears were running down your face, and you could hear Ben’s grunts and moans.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum doll.” He warned and you felt the thick ropes of cum and that made you gag but you did your best to swallow it all, after you were done, you looked at him and he was trying to catch his breath.

“I knew that I made a good deal with Vought.” You looked at him confused. “They let me keep you to do whatever I want in return I don’t appear in public.” He kissed you but you didn't have the ability to kiss him back. “If I was you, I’d warm up to me real quick. There’s nowhere for you to go, and remember sweetheart, you’re just a nobody.” He laughed and went to clean himself, it was going to be a very different stay on this island now, Ben would make sure of it.

#soldier boy x reader #soldier boy x you #soldier boy smut #soldier boy x female reader #soldier boy #the boys fanfic

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kel-lance · 1 month

Text

JJK Mafia Au (JJK x Reader) PART 2

Part 1

Warnings:- TW: Dead dove dont read (DDDR) Minors do not interact (MDNI): SA, Physical Assault, DubCon, NonCon, Mindbreak, Public Humiliation, Breeding, Ownership, Gaslighting, Multiple manipulation, RWORD, PTSD, a lot more toxic sh.

Premise: Reader lives in a city where the two biggest gangs keep things line until the third gang showed up. That had nothing to do with you though, until dumb luck just happened to favor you one day. Basically You’re picked up and used by every dangerous criminal within the clans due to some alliances they had to create due to some members messing up the previous alliances. ((Almost everyone’s gonna have a turn 🤗)) ( i have 11 more chapters planned out right now meaning after i write those ill still be writing more.)

“We’re done for today.” The large man reaches for his robes. You don’t bother to move. Just breathing hurt. It was his off day and he was deciding to break you in, deciding to keep you for however long you were durable. He was amused with your reactions. He liked it. He found it interesting how you were also trying to survive. He’d play along as your god now.

You lay in the bed and his finger prints stained your skin, each strike created blots of purple and blue and green. You liked bruises before, it showed how you fought for it.

You apparently woke up two days later, and he lets you rest. Your body finally turns off survival mode for a second, just a second to adjust to the warm room. Four walls, the nice smell, it was just another thing you weren’t used to. Stillness. It was boring. But under these circumstances you were glad to have your own padded room to deal with this.

The time you were left alone, you didn’t know how long that would be. Another hour or so you’d think he’d come back in, hearing as you’re up. Time for more torture, though do torture victims get a bed and tended to? It felt more like you were a sacrifice, meant to appease him, though no one handed you over.

You were brushed, scrubbed raw, and even felt a bit of shame for the way you were living compared to the two ladies who were taking care of you. But you didn’t know how long they’ve been in this line of work. Hell they honestly looked like they were born into it with the cold looks in their eyes. They could care less about your well-being, though they found and scrubbed every inch of you. Of course you didn’t want strangers to look at you, especially after such a moment that brought you here. To be real, these twins are probably the only people who knew you more than anyone you currently knew.

Friends? You had a few, some to help you out sometimes, some to let you crash at their place. It was all fair game to the people you knew. Life was never easy for them and they knew of you being a free spirit. You didn’t leech off of them for you’d always show up with something in exchange, usually something you stole but it would never get traced back, it was either too common (but useful) or just something that would never be brought out of shown off.

You weren’t a bad friend for it, if anything you were the perfect guest, though this time you didn’t mean to give yourself away for a few nights stay.

“I gotta get out of here, but where would I go? These people have already seen my face and I can’t tell how many more there would be. I can’t request anything to learn the layout of this place and no one will talk to me. If I leave I’ll have to run further and faster than I already have been…” You ponder more, sitting at the table placed in front of the window.

They’re smart enough to know what I’d do if I wanted to pick a fight with their lord, of course there are guards at more doors, even under the window out your room, and it’s safe to say that there’s even a guard at each vent that’s connected to your room.

“Why does it seem like I’m so special?” You sit and open the window, the guard below moves from his post to observe you on the same side has the other posted to view you. You look down at then and offer a wave, saying you’re not doing anything stupid, but you just wanted some air. One of them leaves, probably to get Sukuna.

“I bet he’s just a lonely loser and I just happen to fall into his lap, or maybe I was one of many and was the newest. The girls here looked like they could be in the same position as you, though why weren’t they? They didn’t look like they were his blood, and there was no way that he could be their dad. That would make things even worse since you’re close in age as the twins.

You see the guard go back to his post, nonchalantly. “Weirdo.” You thought. Not even a second later your room door whips open. Jumping from your place at the table, you turn and see who other than the man with the unpredictable entrances. “Finally up?” He leans on the door frame. “Honestly, you’re so dramatic for that.” He teased, being strangely familiar to you.

“Dude…” You caught yourself about to tell off this stranger. All you’ve known from him is that he’s having fun taking you and making you a toy, that his name was Sukuna and how everyone seemed under his control. Not that they enjoy it, but it didn’t look like anyone, even in their numbers, would stand up to someone like him.

It still wasn’t apparent for you. He only told you his first name, his last could tell you that you were in even more danger than any “normal” man doing this to you. It could be such a metaphor but you’re literally trapped in the best place you’ve ever been. Was that just life? all the bad comes up when you’re supposed to be happy, and realizing how good you’ve had it as it gets ripped apart in front of you? The balance of it all only comes with ignorance, which was also why you wouldn’t get attached. You didn’t run to one person for everything you didn’t need more than what you’d ask for and that wasn’t much. If they were lucky you’d be there for 3 days at most.

You lost your voice, his presence set in, bringing you out of your (if you can all it that) relaxed state. He notices you tense up, the look in your eyes begging him to give your body a break. He huffs and saunters into the room, taking a seat at the end of the bed, the side that’s facing you. “You had some time to clear your head, now tell me what was your intention. Playing dumb suits that pretty face of yours… But that’s not why I’m here.”

You sure knew nothing about this guy. Other than his name and how his body looked. How he felt was different, it just happened so fast that you could only remember how it lingered in your belly after he left you the second time. It wasn’t something you can forget, those were the best orgasms of your life. “Sukuna… I’m serious.”

“You expect me to believe that? Did I hit you too hard?” You almost wanted to laugh, you saw stars and colors you couldn’t before his knuckles contacted your skull. Lifting his hand from his side to place under his chin made you flinch, a bit too hard for his liking apparently. It took a lot for you to muster standing up on your own, much less realize you had to get to the table by needing support from the wall. It was like you were in an ice skating rink and had to hold onto the walls for dear life, except there was no ice, it was just pain in your body not letting you level yourself out.

“When you’re ready to talk, I might hear you out. My patience is thin you already know.” He stands and closes your door, sent a shiver down your spine. Him not being close to you, or hurting you, having this quick visit was so unsettling.

It haunted you for hours. He didn’t touch you. The edge of the bed where he sat still held an energy, like he left a part of him right there to keep watch over you.

He definitely hit you too hard, you were thinking more outlandish things to go with this scenario. Like why didn’t the touch you? You thought he was going to keep a pattern, that maybe after this he would come in periodically to taunt you. That maybe his patience has worn out and he was going to get rid of you any minute now, or to use you again.

The trauma you got from this certainly messed with your self soothing methods. Every time you catch yourself hitting your peak of your self imposed orgasms, you were almost wishing you had more than just your fingers. You didn’t want him, but seriously its already been 2 weeks. You were gonna go crazy in here. The girls kept bringing you your meals, and a bathroom is attached, though you couldn’t do much by yourself.

You were to let the others feed and bathe you, and you honestly hated it. It was way too weird, you never talked to them, and they never tried with you so it felt like there was an agreement to just not speak about it. That none of you were here willingly. That gave you some insight. Your body healed itself enough that you didn’t need the wall to walk anymore, making your trips to the table in front of the window more frequent.

You notice some sort of schedule Sukuna follows, as well as a few other noticeable men in this kind of gated community. Whatever he has gong on here, it felt like you were almost a stolen princess locked away in a tower or something. “You have GOT TO get a hold of yourself.” You didn’t need to see a doctor or someone, you were fully aware that these thoughts were just you daydreaming to escape reality, yet again. Though this time it was getting boring, you couldn’t help yourself, literally.

At this point you wanted to even ask one of the guards if they wanted to come in and help you out, but you didn’t have to do that, because a day later you decided to act. Rolling around night time, you decided to open your window a noticeable amount. By then the guards usually leave one guard to patrol the grounds in each quarter.

The ones outside your door either end up sleeping or one leaves the other for a bathroom break, some nights they both go, probably to blow each other you thought. It wasn’t any of your concern, they did it before when you could barely move, but now you were agile again, enough to move around without hissing at each moment.

Placing your ear to the door, you heard light snoring through it. “Okay, just find his room you thought. You knew that it took about 60 steps to reach a stair case, then that would be about 24 steps down. You could hear his footsteps through the pairs of others who followed him, as his echoed with pace, and the others almost scuttled behind them like bugs..

You find your way slipping past heavy wooden doors, making sure it wouldn’t creak, you saw the walkway in the garden. You looked up and saw your room, you knew it was yours as it was the only one with the window open. you knew that the guard just left this fourth of his grounds. You were searching the area for his room. Peering through the windows, it would have been hard to tell if it was him, but his tattoos were honestly unique.

None of them were him, you go back to the walkway, going down the opposite end, just blindly working your way through. You couldn’t just walk through any door, it could be your last mistake, it being Sukuna or not. But it just had to be him, you wanted so badly to find his familiar face and just, you don’t know.

You decide to be more ballsy, there’s surely no way he’s be in the same quarters that has this many people,” you decide to take your chance with the left corridor. “I wouldn’t take him for a cuddly guy anyway.”

Listen, you know it sounds crazy, but if you even got to escape, you’d be hunted like a fox, unnecessarily, and as a spectacle for others to watch. But if you could find him, and do it yourself, “I mean, at least I’d die with something, and what a funny way to go.” You loved to joke about these kinds of things. Anytime it seemed dark, you’d find yourself cracking a joke or going off an other tangents from the barrage of thoughts coming your way.

You hold your breath as you set your fingers around the doorknob, you pull it back slowly, and turn it, to silence any squeaks it may have. After turning it fully, you let it go back and unclenched your fingers to let it go a second time, making sure there was no noise from the metal trap, and decided to go in.

What fucking luck you had as if you broke into another room you’d think your breathing would start to give you away. As you head towards the bed, the raising figure laying there was him. Your eyes had adjusted to the dark, so much so that you could just stand in front of him.

Looking down at him you wondered what you should do. You’re not going to kill him, that’s one thing, though you had nothing to lose, you still liked your life and you enjoyed whatever adventurous you got yourself into. It was always just one thing after the next and you’d rest when needed, but you loved it.

This was totally different though. Before it was like you were born into this work and have to abide by its rules. As of right now you could do /anything/. What else would you do?

You look down at him, kneeling at the edge of the bed to face him. Looking at his face like this, completely defenseless, his harsh eyes weren’t poking at you or telling you exactly what he was thinking. No he was just, he looked human. Like if you were to have met him at any other place it would possibly be on a magazine cover or an army recruitment booth posted wherever.

“Damn bastard is beautiful.” You thought. “I didn’t get this far to stop now. Fucking 2 weeks you keep me here and don’t do anything? Do you know how boring that is? You can’t just keep me here and forget.” All that time alone had gone to your head, did you forget how he treated you the time you met?

Tbh it fades in and out, your memory’s cut up pieces of film that randomly plays an old memory, and since you can’t recognize it, you call it a dream.

Nothing could take you away from where you were now. Looking over him, still not a care in the world. Nothing could wake him if he’d allow it. You cocked your head to align your eyes with his, and reach out and brush your fingertips across his jawline.

How much of this could you enjoy before he kills you for breaking out? Just that thought had you slowly leaning in, your hand before tracing his face was leaning onto the bed to support your intrusion.

First, you kissed his forehead. The poor fuck probably hadn’t felt the touch of a real lover in ages, he just finds and uses whatever and whoever he wants, whenever. Of course you didn’t pity him, but does he even know what being loved properly was like? You’re really one to be asking.

You peck the smooth, hot skin, and kissed a line across his cheek, getting more sensual with the next. His touch, even sleeping was still so manly. His body was so, honestly the words seem odd, but he looked so edible. Like you almost couldn’t keep your lips off of him. He was so yummy when you get a good look at him.

Cupping his face, your lips reach his, beginning to lightly stimulate the connection. You lean in further, applying yourself onto him, guiding open his mouth with yours as you lick his lips. This shit was getting you so excited, considering all that he’s done to you, having this moment, where you’re in control and he was at your mercy, and only you know this.

Continuing to make out with your kidnapper, you moved yourself to get on top of him. His lazy reaction of kissing back had you think he was a deep sleeper, god you really wished.

You opened your eyes just to make sure he was still asleep, but his eyes were staring back at you, with the same look he always has. You didn’t have time to even make a sound before he had you under him. His hand grabbed your waist and turned kept you parallel to him as his leg pushed his body to get on top.

You could feel his erection, he was basically stabbing your thighs with his head. His hands pushed your wrists into opposite sides of your head, and he has you immobilized as he sat on your legs. Most you could move was your toes and neck, but he had pressed his face up against yours.

“I don’t even know where to start with you. If you wanted to kill me, you would’ve already. Maybe I can believe you’re just some random, …but you wouldn’t have come to my room.” He lets a wrist go to reel back and strikes your face as a warning. Seriously, no sane person would just come straight back to him in your situation.

“The guard fell asleep?” Nothing gets by him. You can’t tell if he was just prepared for everything or if he planned this out. The excitement you were feeling before was being clashed with the sudden shock to your face. “Depending how the rest of the night will go will determine his punishment.”

Keeping everything in place, he moves your chin up by his nose, giving him space to start attacking your neck. “We’ll just start with yours.” His grasp tightened around each wrist, so much so that he was pulling on the tendons in your forearms, making your fingers involuntary curl.

Your luck may have run out, but you weren’t as scared. Trying to enjoy the moment as much as possible, knowing fully well that you’re about to be eaten alive, and god, youve been waiting. His teeth grazed your collar bone, making their way back up, making themselves a known threat to your neck.

“Speak.” He orders. “Who sent you?”

“You still think I’m a spy?” The spot where he hit you was pounding, but it didn’t hurt. Other parts of your body were just pulsating along with your heartbeat, you knew he was going to take that as a sign of fear.

“Hurry up, we have a meeting tomorrow so I’m trying to be considerate for everyone else.”

He’s still not listening. You weren’t either at this point, finding his roughing up sort of endearing. Maybe he didn’t want to get blood on his bed, or maybe he did care about that stupid meeting. All you could feel was vigorous pulsating from your wrists, your face, your heart, and more than anything else, your pussy.

This was literally what you came here to do, this was why he even took you with him wasn’t it? Seriously whatever big shot he thinks he is… this shit wasn’t legal; You were serious on going out with a bang, raising your hips to create some friction on his hard on.

Sukuna seemed to notice the look in your eyes and gave you another firm slap. “Focus, doll.” He adjusts his hips a few inches too far down your liking, his hands being the only thing touching you.

“Put it back.” You got this far, now he wants to start questioning you immediately after waking up? He picked you up after meeting and ignored you for two weeks, you’re about to do what most others would. Especially if they’re in the same situation with the same circumstances.

“You’re not the one to be giving orders, much less to me.”

You raise your hips back up to his head, having it dip into you, crossing your clit but unable to enter fully. His tip could find its way in no problem, it was just his call, and that almost drove him over the edge. You’ve stopped fighting back, for something like your freedom and what’s better for you.

What you were after now was just one more orgasm brought by that monstrous mf. He doesn’t drop his guard, or change his face at all as he accepted “your bait/distraction”. In this position, you’re still straight legged, laying in his bed as he has you held down, arms pinned, palms up, and legs trapped as he sat on your thighs.

He could easily kill you now, but it would honestly leave a bad taste as no one’s been killed in his room before, much less even entered without permission. You both didn’t know what to think really.

To you he’s some strange and strong asshole who’s been unclear if you were his sex toy or if you were “invited” and he was just being a terrible host. Honestly, it felt worse to you to have everything you needed; Without your freedom, you were honestly thinking it’d be better to be dead.

To him, you were dangerous. You got it all right. From the room, to the person to bump into, to the alley. You could have been a spy laying low, from whichever gang he thought you were from, he thought it would be good to hold you off to send a message to see who would come collect you first. They wouldn’t send someone if they didn’t have something to say.

At first he did just want to keep you until one of them sent them back another message. It didn’t matter what happened to you, honestly he got bored. He’s a busy man, there was really nothing else to say.

So imagine his surprise how you came crawling all over him tonight. He knew an assassin would’ve done it before he even knew the door opened, they were to make sure it was quick. The attack would have had to been fatal, whether they succeed in one shot or have them die as they’re leaving. And how quick they leave is how desperately they want to live.

You, just came in to stare at him and decided you wanted something else. And it didn’t seem like revenge. That was a first, especially for him. Right now he was allowing it, letting you go. There was no way you could harm him, he concluded.

Looking down at you squirm and pout, upset on how close you were to getting what you’ve been aching from and for. He won’t drop his guard, but he sure as hell was silver platter served. Really how badly did you want it?

He connects your wrists at the top of your head with one hand, the other has its index finger and thumb at the base, controlling himself with those two fingers. He raises his erection and knocked it against your clit, the strikes sent waves of pleasure from your core to the top of your head and palm of your feet, having you whimper out.

Your aching hole needed him, it was taking him so long. Seriously you wish he’d kill you now because this so actually torture. The only thing you could do was start to cry, tears leaving their corners and running into your hair. You were more than frustrated. Angry, horny, needy, powerless, you wanted it so bad you were losing control, it didn’t matter, no one else could judge you, and who would be worse than Sukuna?

“You came in here, climb all over me, just to cry now? You’re so pathetic.”

“Please,” You whine. “I want you to put it in.”

His face changed, from laughing at you beg, to sharpening his focus. Even after all this, getting caught, threatened, insulted, you’ve started to beg for it. He takes his legs up from pinning yours, putting them to your sides as he aligns himself to your front hole. “Say it again.”

“Please Sukuna, put it in-“ He lowers his hips and dives deep into you. He watches as your head writhes. Instantly youre spread apart, the sudden plunge casted a warm blush across your face and electricity towards the tips of your fingers. “Oooh,”

“Fuuuuuck.” He finished for you. He continues to grind deeply into you, quickly using his now free hand to gag you from waking everyone up. Good thing too as you were messy, fucked silly couldn’t cover it. You gave up control a long time ago. He wouldn’t kill you, not right now anyway, you especially wouldn’t let him without trying to get one last nut. It was diabolical how down bad he had you. It was more of your unhealed trauma and he just happened to be the best person to help you out, willing or not.

——————————————————————————

You lay there as the base of your back ached. Every part of your body was bruised again, you could only imagine to move again as you tried catching your breath. You had lost count on just how many times he’s forced an orgasm out of you, mind numbingly rich euphoria every time. Nothing else mattered, you were more than thrilled the first 2 times but started to wonder if he ever got tired.

It wasn’t until after your fifth orgasm that he managed to get his first one in. You were honestly almost regretting climbing into his room but his second had him pinning you on your back as he lay on your lower torso and legs. You couldn’t feel anything but your pulsating cervix, half feeling good from the pain and lingering pleasure, the other half making you know that this was a mistake and the nausea was on you.

Raising your free arm, you weakly start to pat his head. It was over, you insatiable perverted needs were fulfilled, so what were you going to do now? It’s not like you’re in love with the guy, you don’t even know if you’ll get to wake up tomorrow with this stunt. “It was worth it.” You thought. Running your fingers thorough his hair, and tracing his back, you fall asleep holding him, accepting that this is it.

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worriedvision · 1 year

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Here is Part 2 of this Dan Heng fic I did where he was in a private relationship with the reader. Now I was gonna do a happy part 2... but it’s gonna be as far away from that as possible. Angsty, arguably more so than part 1 lol. Gender neutral reader. I know I said I’d do a happy ending but the angst in me shone through oops

When the strange person first made an appearance on the ship, you didn’t think too much of it. Thanks to your hiding skills, and your blind trust in the machinery you were in between, you managed to hide from the chaos that came from the enemies. You emerged after most of the evacuees came back to their usual spots, you getting back to work on the tricky piece of machinery that didn’t seem to be acting normally when a your phone pings. Upon seeing the request to report to base, you thought it would be a light scolding for being so risky with your movements.

Nope, it was the opposite surprisingly.

Your location had been noted by Asta through the whole invasion, and she had been worried you were dead as you weren’t moving from a spot. She let this slip with Himeko, who knew about your relationship with Dan through a secret rumour ring. When she found out you turned out to be an expert hider through this incident, she decided to request you join the trailblazers.

“But my area of expertise is on the spaceships mechanics, I’m not a good fighter!” You protest. “Plus, I’m certain several of my colleagues would be more than happy to take my place on the ship regardless.”

“But they don’t have your knowledge on the more dangerous areas of the ship. Your colleagues, for the most part, evacuated.” Himeko responds, Asta nodding. “As well as this, you’ve also demonstrated repeatedly your ability to work by your self.”

“Ooh, is this an opportunity?” One of your acquaintances gasps, running over. Immediately you knew she was hoping to get closer to Dan Heng, and you nod before opening your mouth to say she could go instead.

“Yes...However the opportunity is only open to _.” Himeko explains.

“Oh... Well, put a good word in for me.” Your friend asks, you nodding before she walks away.

“I can’t convince you otherwise, can I?” You ask, Himeko giggling before you respond. “I suppose I should take you up on your offer then.”

Knowing Dan Heng, you knew he would mostly stay in his room if he wasn’t out on an expedition.

Thankfully, you managed to get on after Dan Heng. He seemed to be in his room for takeoff, to which you fail to let out a sigh of relief before sitting with Himeko as you braced yourself.

When you got to the first location, Himeko insisted on you going with Dan Heng, March and the newcomer. March agrees, saying it would be your first trip and you’d have fun before Dan Heng shook his head at March’s words.

The entire expedition was rather uncomfortable, if you say so yourself. You had opted to be the evidence gatherer in the areas where you could hide, and Dan Heng didn’t seem too happy about this.

“If you get cornered, none of us will be able to help you.” The trailblazer explains, Dan Heng crossing his arms.

“Have some faith in them guys!” March cheers, turning to you with a beaming smile. “Make sure you’re safe, okay?”

Dan Heng didn’t actually speak to you at all through the whole thing. The times you saw him, you saw how he and March were acting like an old couple. You were very jealous, but you hide it well enough to get back on the ship where you could go back to distancing yourself from him again. The times your group had to run, you noted how often he instinctively grasped March by the hand as they ran, you having to improvise or get saved by the trailblazer.

By the time you were back on the ship, Himeko had asked you a lot about your trip. A lot more than how much she asked anyone else, and judging by the way she was looking at you, you must have made it clear you still liked Dan Heng.

“So, do you have an eye on anyone you like?” Himeko teases, taking a sip of her coffee.

“March 7th is a good friend, and the trailblazer saved me when I slipped up a few times.” You bashfully admit.

“And Dan Heng?” Himeko asks, spotting the way you look away. “I can tell you like him in a deeper way. Please, indulge me.”

“That’s enough, Himeko.” Welt tuts, shaking his head before getting back to working on his tablet.

“It’s fine, really. I guess there’s no point in hiding it now...” You trail off, Welt looking up to listen to you properly. “Back at the Herta Space Station, I had a private romantic relationship with him.” You admit, sighing out before continuing. “I realised I felt very jealous of the people who approached him publicly, and he told me he didn’t want to go public with the relationship.”

“...Sorry, I think I overshared there, didn’t I?” You look up, seeing Welt looking blankly at you. “I think I’ll get over it with time, but I still feel jealous. March is a really good match for him, I can see why he isn’t ashamed of her.”

“Oh don’t be silly.” Himeko shakes her head, holding your hand. “You have your own skills. I brought you here for more than one reason.”

“Could you both promise me you won’t tell any of the others about this?” You request, both Welt and Himeko agreeing before you go silent once again.

#Dan heng x reader #dan heng x gender neutral reader #angst #himeko #welt #march 7th

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deansapplepie · 8 months

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Till THE DEAD do us part | Chapter 1

A/N: This story will take place in all the seasons, but it’s not exactly a rewriting cause I’d have to re-watch everything to use the exactly lines of the characters, also I think it’s better if I tell a side story without changing the main facts of the story. I’m not good with synopses, so sorry about that.

This story has a Female Reader, but I don’t describe her appearance, so anyone can identify with her.

Summary: Y/N Grimes is Rick’s younger sister, when the world ended she had Lori, Carl and Shane. But did she really have them? Her brother was dead, her sister-in-law was sleeping with her brother’s best friend and her nephew was just a small kid. She had him, Daryl Dixon was no knight in a shining armor and she was no damsel in distress, but maybe they were exactly what each other needed.

*gif is not mine, credits on the gif.

Chapter 1: Vulnerable

Summary: Y/N sees something she wasn’t supposed to see, she need to vent about it but she can’t do it with Lori or Shane, because they are the main reason about it. So she goes to the woods hoping to find some peace.

Warnings: mentions of sex, swearing, kinda angsty, a little bit of fluffy, comfort, mentions of death, mentions of violence

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Grimes!Reader

Word Count: 2,072

Extra notes: I proofread the text, but English is not my first language, so feel free to correct any mistakes, of course with a lot of love.

Chapter 2

It was again one more boiling hot day in the Quarry near Atlanta, you thought the temperature would for sure kill you, but there was another thing threatening to take your life and it wasn’t a Zombie.

Before everything, before the world ended, life wasn’t easy. You wanted it to be, but you were living one of the worst moments of your life. You had just lost your job as a vet because you couldn’t save a rich man’s cat and he demanded that you were fired. You felt bad for the poor cat, for your lost job, for your name as a professional that was now forever marked and also for your dog a female German Shepherd called Luna that had to see you not acting like your usual self.

On top of that your older brother, Rick, got shot working… he was a Sheriff’s Deputy. That’s what made you stop feeling sorry for yourself, because you couldn’t. You needed to see your brother laying on a hospital bed in comma, you had to hold things together and take care of Carl and Lori.

Lori and Carl had you, but you had no one, Carl was just a kid and Lori couldn’t even take care of herself at the moment. There was Shane, he was like a brother to you, but even with him there… it was as if you were alone. You just had Luna.

You went to their house and stayed there, you were going to stay until Rick got better, yes, he was going to get better and you would stay just a little bit more to help during his recovery, and everything was going to be fine again. But it never was. The world ended. The dead were walking as if they were alive and Rick died.

Now you lived in a Quarry with Lori, Carl, Shane and a bunch of other survivors. Most of people were pleasant and easy to live with, the exception was Ed, Carol’s husband and Merle Dixon, Daryl’s brother, but this was the apocalypse and you don’t have much choice on the people that are going to be around you.

It had been almost two months since everything happened and the camp was created, almost two months your brother had died… and today, while you were picking some wood, you saw something that felt as if someone was pulling your guts out of your stomach and squeezing your heart.

Lori and Shane. Not Lori and Shane friendly doing what they usually do, they were in the middle of the forest, fucking, and there was no other word you’d use to describe it other than fucking. There wasn’t even two months Rick died, and his best friend and wife were fucking.

You felt nauseated, you went back the same direction you came and knew you had to do something to calm down. You couldn’t afford causing an scene or any uncomfortable situation, you could not hurt Carl.

“Hey! Aunt Y/N, did you already pick all the woods?” Carl shouted to you from the spot he was, playing with Sophia and Luna, Carol watching them.

“Er… wood wasn’t good that side, I’m going to the other side see if I find anything better.” You gave a lame excuse, you just wanted to be alone, cry all this shit out, in silence cause you didn’t want anyone to know and you didn’t want to attract any walkers near the camp.

“Can you look after them a little more, Carol?” You asked the woman, you were sure she was not going to say no, she loved being with the kids and even with Luna.

“Sure, don’t worry.” She said, you nodded and then walked to the opposite side from where you came the fastest as possible, looking down so others wouldn’t see you had started to cry.

You walked until you found a place far enough so no one would find you, but not so far that you would have any trouble. You had a gun and knife, you knew how to defend yourself, but you couldn’t make it easy to the dead to kill you, you were not that dumb.

You sat behind a tree, brought your knees to your chest and hid your face crying. Your thoughts were racing and all you could think was about what you saw, your brother and how you missed him. You listened to some light leaves hustle, but You didn’t give it importance, thinking it was probably the wind, it was so light that it couldn’t be a walker. So you continued minding your own business crying what you had to cry so you could look at your sister-in-law’s face without letting her know how upset you were.

“Ya shouldn’t be out here vulnerable like that” you jumped startled by the redneck’s voice. ‘So that was him,’ you thought, ‘of course, only he could walk with light steps, he was a hunter after all.’ You wiped your tears, not that it would help they were still falling and there wasn’t anything you could do to stop them.

“I’m not vulnerable, I just needed some time alone.” You answered, he was really trying to not be too rough on you given to your situation, but his lack of tact was something he had much difficulty to overcome.

“Ya could cry in your tent, it’s safer”

“I don’t wanna Carl and Lori to see me cry. I don’t wanna have to explain myself, things would get bad if I had to. I don’t wanna upset Carl.” You sniffed, that was one of the worst parts of crying, getting a damn runny nose.

“Shane can’t help?” He asked, you didn’t know but he probably already had some idea of the reason you were crying.

“He’s part of the problem Dixon, if I could I’d punch him and kick his balls” you answered, tears still running down but a little bit calmer.

“Did ya see him and…” he didn’t finish the question, because you completed it for him.

“Lori? Yeah”

Talking about them made you remember everything you saw and how it hurt you. You were still mourning Rick, and Shane and Lori apparently were already moving on. What hurt the most is that even mad at both of them, you still loved them. Lori was like a big sister, a sister that you wish you had while growing up, and Shane? He was your brother he taught you how to defend yourself, he gave you shooting classes, he brought you home the first time you got drunk and even took care of you while you were hangover. When Rick wasn’t there, he was. At this moment you hated him as much as you loved him.

“Do you know if anyone else know about them?” You asked after a long time, you were so lost that you didn’t even noticed that Daryl walked a bit ahead and stoped with his back turned to you. He wanted to give you privacy to cry, but he also couldn’t leave you behind, it was dangerous to you staying so vulnerable at the forest. He knew you could defend yourself, but you didn’t even listened him approaching, you sure were not going to listen to a walker too.

“I don’t know. Probably not. I’m much into the woods, so I caught them a few times.” He answered at distance, not turning to look back at you. “Do ya like him?” Daryl asked and right after he just regretted having opened his mouth, why would he ask such an intimate thing to you? He should just stay there and make sure you’d go back alive to the camp.

“Ew! No! He’s like a brother to me. We grew up together.” You answered disgusted to the idea of liking Shane any other way. “It’s not that. My brother, he died. Well, you probably know. And I know Lori needs to continue living and they are adults, but there’s not even 2 months and she moved on that fast and Shane… he was his best friend. I’m still mourning him, the world still doesn’t make any sense without him here and they are already fucking. I know I’m being selfish and emotional but…” you spoke so much that you had already lost your line of thought. Daryl was probably tired of you, he wasn’t one to talk much, but here you were opening all your thoughts to him.

“It’s about yer brother. Ya have the right to feel.” He understood, he had never lost his brother and he hoped he’d not lose him anytime soon. Merle was a dick, and he made him mad most of the time, but he was his brother, so he understood you.

You wiped your tears, calmer and ready to continue. You were still mad and sad about everything, but now you didn’t feel like you were going to die anymore, you were not suffocated. You got up, shook the dirt from your pants and approached the archer.

“I was going to take some wood for fire. I don’t want to go back empty handed. Can you help me?” Now you gave a look at him, and noticed he had some rabbits and squirrels hanging from a rope. He was being essential to maintain everyone fed, he was not one to be socializing around the camp, but he was good and you could see it.

He just nodded and started walking by your side collecting the good woods he found along the way. “Thank you.” You said collecting a branch that you saw.

“For what? I didn’t even take the woods to the camp.” Did he not understand or was he faking?

“Not about the woods. Well, that too… but thank you for staying with me and talk to me, you didn’t have to” ‘but you did’, you completed in your thoughts. “Also, thank you for always bringing us food. I don’t know if I ever told you that.” He grunted, sometimes you wish you could know what he was thinking, you never knew if his grunts mean something good or bad.

“No need to thank me” he never knew how to react at moments like that. Should he say thanks back? Should he give another compliment?

Soon you returned to the camp, he helped you put the woods near the makeshift kitchen and was going to clean the rabbits and squirrels so they could be cooked.

“Luna likes you” you said, you saw how your dog acted around him. He was a little surprised with the comment. “You can take her with you when you want, I see that you like her too.” You smiled, a beautiful one just as if you were not broken or had cried your soul an hour ago.

“She likes my food too” he joked, it was not intentional but after what he said he even got a little smile at the corner of his mouth for some seconds. You giggled before answering.

“I know, she makes the cutest puppy eyes. It’s not her fault if you can’t resist her charms.” He snorted and for some seconds, just few seconds, he thought that maybe she wasn’t the only one he couldn’t resist. As he went to clean the hunt, you went to Carol to say you got the wood and offer to take care of the kids while she started to prepare the food.

You couldn’t take that smile from your face and you didn’t were sure why, you ruffled Luna’s fur while you sat close to the kids and released the dog so she could run around a little. You hated having to let her tied, but you were too afraid of what could happen if she went too far. She ran around the camp and soon approached the archer he pet her and she made her happy tail dance to him, he looked in your direction and you smiled watching their interaction. Your day wasn’t lost, there was still good things to be grateful for, even in a world like this.

Final notes: Please tell me your thoughts. There is a long time I don’t write and publish fanfiction in English so I’d be glad to hear from you.

#the walking dead daryl #daryl dixon #the walking dead #twd #twd daryl #daryl x y/n #daryl dixion x reader #daryl fanfiction #daryl imagines #the walking dead fanfiction #daryl dixon imagine #daryl dixon fic #daryl dixon fanfic #daryl x grimes!reader #rick grimes #daryl x reader #daryl x you

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raayllum · 1 year

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One of the things I love most about Claudia is, quite frankly, how steadily and consistently Fucked Up she is, for lack of a better term. She comes up with the switching spell (an early sign she’ll surpass her father as a dark mage) but unlike Viren, can’t understand Harrow’s reservations about it. Which makes sense, as dark magic is inherently transactional as viewpoint. This ties into her wanting to take Runaan prisoner to be dark magic parts (“Yes! [Dark magic] is clever, it’s brilliant, it’s practical!”) not realizing that in terms of viewpoints, she has a lot more in common with the elf than differences. She lights Harrow’s body on fire with dark magic (reminiscent of using Sarai’s last breath for the vengeance spell she never would’ve approved of) with the framing aligning her with Viren to boot.

She believes that Rayla could never be a good person because 1) she’s a Moonshadow elf and therefore just isn’t a person (or worth exceptionalizing as one yet) and 2) “She kidnapped you and Prince Ezran, how can she be good?” when Claudia is going to attempt to kidnap the boys the very next episode, but in her mind this is somehow salvageable, because it’s Necessary, isn’t it? It’s what her father wants.

But even her father’s dead set wishes aren’t a steady foundation, as Claudia has a habit of steamrolling over what her family wants when it’s things that might separate them from one another. She won’t let Viren let go, she won’t believe Soren about the princes when Viren offers up a solution that lets her keep her whole family together rather than having to choose her brother over her father, even if that means harming her brother. And she steamrolls because she thinks by physically fixing the problem (Viren’s death, Soren’s paralysis) the emotional issues (Viren’s trauma and panic attacks, Soren’s epiphanies) won’t continue to manifest; of course Soren mis-listened, of course Viren can go up the mountain. Never mind the consequences, never mind the pain; she fixed it. What’s the problem? (And of course, this sense of perfectionist preparation - “Gee Claudia, you’re so prepared, you’re the best” - alongside her smugness - “Wasn’t taking down a dragon one of your life goals?” isn’t sustainable or healthy for her either. We see how she panics and loses it when she isn’t prepared for a situation, and how the desperation drives her down deeper into the dark.)

Even after Callum begs for her to let them go and after attacking Ezran multiple times, upon being a prisoner in her own home Claudia mandates that “We didn’t do anything wrong” (which is a far cry from Rayla’s response to her homecoming: “But you didn’t run. They have it all wrong” “Does it matter?”). Where Soren begins to question and defect, knowing his truth, he works to get Ezran out of jail whereas Claudia is conflicted but ultimately able to justify leaving him there, and able to justify staying when Soren leaves. With two years of only Aaravos in her ear, she’s gotten even worse, even more prejudiced against elves and dragons than she was before, save for her exceptions (Terry, Aaravos). And if even Terry is calling her out on her cruelty, and admitting that she did terrible things, then you know they were probably pretty awful for an elf who doesn’t bat an eye at his girlfriend slaughtering baby animals (hi puffer bats and baby deer).

And at the same time, it’s not as though Claudia isn’t goofy and loving and compassionate. She loves ancient ruins and cuddling with dogs, she does feel some kind of way about seeing Callum again, she doesn’t just cut Terry loose when his life is put in danger and it’d be easier too - she genuinely loves him. Like I said all the way in the first few months after S2:

I’d also like to say that this does not mean Claudia will not be redeemed. She does love people, has the possibility of using magic (Dark or otherwise) for good, would do anything for her brother (although only S3 and time can tell), and could be a reformed, more compassionate, fully rounded and loving person in the future.

Redemption is not out of the cards for her, whatsoever.

It’s just going to be a very long and hard road to get there.

#tdp claudia #tdp #the dragon prince #arc 1 #arc 2 #multi #anyway i love her #ppl really out here like 'i sympathize with this character. therefore she can't be a villain'#i SYMPATHIZE WITH VIREN & AARAVOS TOO THEY'RE. STILL VILLAINS #thought of u sage-nebula #claudia #text post #mine

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pink-sparkly-witch · 9 months

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The One That Got Away - Chapter Six

Warnings: tw: child abuse, tw: physical abuse, tw: verbal abuse, mentions of therapy, heavy angst, language, self-loathing.

Word Count: 1.9k

Pairing: Firefighter!Dean Winchester x Female Reader

A/N: There are TRIGGER WARNINGS in this part - please heed these, and if you think you’ll be affected by any of them, please do not read.

A/N 2: And so here is the next part that made me cry as I was writing it. Have tissues at the ready... and maybe some ice-cream to soften the blow, and know that I am giving you a big, squishy hug at the end 💖

You can catch up here!

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My dearest Dean,

My therapist gave me this exercise to write letters to the people in my life - the good and bad. To get things off my chest that are weighing me down and need to be said. She said I could send them if I wanted, but as it stands right now, I don’t know if you will ever read this. This is the first of five I plan to write. You, your mom, Uncle Bobby, and my father. He will never see his, but there is a lot of shit I need to get off my chest about him. I also need to write one to myself. Give myself forgiveness or some chick-flick bullshit!

Dean let out a chuckle as he read her opening words.

That’s right… you read that right! It does say therapist! I know you always told me to go. Told me that it’d help. But you know me, stubborn to the core and will go out of my way to do the exact opposite of what I’m being told to do just to piss everyone off! Trust me, some things will never change! But I guess what I’m trying to say is… you were right.

I fought it and fought it, but when the nightmares got worse, and I started seeing him all over campus, at the bar I work in, the coffee shop I study in, the grocery store… You get the picture. I knew I had to at least try it, and… it’s working.

It’s such a relief getting everything out in the open. Knowing that I really, honest to God, did nothing wrong and didn’t deserve any of it. I know you never judged me, and you never would, but there were always things running through my mind that I never told anyone. Not until now, at least.

It was always swimming around in there that it was somehow my fault. That life would’ve been much simpler if I’d died that night. Maybe my father was right. He and Mom could’ve had more children and softened the blow.

I dreamed of a better life every night - at least when the nightmares stayed away. My dreams would show me what life would be like if Mom survived. Sometimes I had a little brother. Sometimes it was a sister. We’d spend weekends playing in the yard or baking cookies together. I’d run down the sidewalk to meet my father on his way home from work, and he’d pick me up and swing me around and around. He’d lift me onto his shoulders, and we’d walk home together laughing, and I’d feel like I was on top of the world!

But then I’d wake up, and the world around me was so cold and dull. He’d be passed out on the couch again, and I’d have to make myself breakfast and get ready for school. Those mornings, I honestly wished I were dead.

More tears leaked from Dean’s eyes as a sad smile overtook his features. He wished she’d had the life she dreamed about. If the spark was still there between them, he swore to himself that he’d make sure any kids they might have in the future had a life exactly like the one in her dreams.

I know you always told me that none of it was my fault, and I know deep down in my heart that it’s true, but there has always been that nasty voice telling me I’m not good enough, that I’m a waste of space and I deserve to be treated like shit. The voice that would whisper: ‘Stop complaining. People have it worse than you.’

You know it’s one thing for the people who love you to tell you that the voices are lying, but it doesn’t sink in until an outsider tells you that. So, thank you, Dean, for babbling on endlessly about going to therapy. Without it, I’d never have thought about going, and I’d have given in to the destructive ways I began using to drown it out.

I’ve wanted to call you so bad, but it wouldn’t be fair to keep putting my shit onto you. I was the one who left you.

Dean knew more tears were streaming down his face now. He knew all eyes were on him, but he couldn’t care less. All he could think about was that he’d somehow failed her for having such negative thoughts and never fully believing it wasn’t her fault.

Before therapy, when things got too much, I coped the only way I knew how. Well, the only way I’d been taught - I drank. I also developed an unhealthy relationship with sex to feel something… anything that wasn’t pure hatred for myself. I let men use me in any way they wanted to. I might as well become the filthy little slut my father always told me I was, right? Of course, it didn’t work. Not really. It only made me hate myself more.

It shames me to tell you all of this because I know it makes me a stranger to you. It turns me into someone you no longer know, but as therapy goes on and I’ve stopped using those harmful coping methods, I realise I’ve changed. For better or worse, those experiences and getting treatment have made me a different person.

He dropped the letter from his gaze and sobbed again. He wept for the girl who was taught to drink away her problems. To the girl whose father’s words had cut so deeply into her skin that she became the thing he’d always accused her of being.

Memories of the first time she told him her father had accused her of having sex with him, and he’d called her a filthy little slut crawled to the forefront of his mind. She was only twelve years old.

Sam’s hand on his back brought him back to the present, and he huffed a loud exhale before picking up the pieces of paper and continuing.

I’m mentally and physically stronger now (thanks to kickboxing and self-defence!) I have more confidence in myself, more self-esteem, and more self-belief. But I know that underneath all that, I’m still me. I’ve found the girl I was before I lost my sparkle and before her crown slipped.

I’m becoming a whole new woman, and I need you to know that you started to build her, Dean. Your love gave her the solid foundation and supporting walls she needed to soar skyward. The structure was shaky for a little while back there, and I didn’t know if it would all come crashing down, but I had your voice in the back of my mind telling me that you loved me, that you’d always love me. And it stopped the world from shaking and the structure from crumbling.

You laid the foundations for me, and each supporting wall you built is at the core of the new me. Because of you, I found the strength to open up and start the healing process. Because of you, I was brave enough to leave and start a new life. Because of you, my colours, which started as dull shades of grey, became soft pastels and are now neons, shining brighter than ever. Because of you and your unconditional love, I’ve grown my wings, and I’m finally learning to fly without a safety net.

Thank you for not asking me to stay, Dean. Because I don’t think I’d have taken this time to fix and heal myself if you had.

I love you. I always have, and I always will. And I miss you every goddamn day. I need you to know that, and I need you to believe that. I hope that one day I’m strong enough to come home and tell you this face to face, but that’s still too far out on the horizon.

There’s still so much building I need to do to solidify myself, and I promise I will do it. I’m gonna be that little girl who was your best friend again. I’m gonna be that young woman you fell in love with again. I’m gonna make you, Uncle Bobby, and my mom proud. I won’t end up like him; I’d rather die than make his words true.

As I read back, it feels like this is a goodbye, and I guess it is, in a way. It’s a goodbye to that frightened and sad little girl everyone once knew.

I hope with all my heart that we meet again someday, Dean. I hope you get to see the woman I’ll become. I hope she makes you proud, and I get to tell you she’s here because of you.

All my love, always and forever,

Y/N xx

Dean wiped furiously at his eyes, cleared his throat, and huffed loudly. He hugged Mary tight and whispered an emotional ‘thank you’ that was only heard between mother and son.

“I would’ve dropped everything and gone to Chicago if I’d read this back then,” Dean said.

“I know. And so did Y/N. It’s why she told me to wait until the time was right,” Mary pulled back from his embrace to look into her son’s eyes. “And it wouldn’t have ended well for either of you. Y/N needed to heal and grow. If you’d gone to her, she’d have given up therapy, sacrificed her healing for you.

“What you had was special, there is no doubt about that, and it could be again, but with her fragile upbringing and your unconditional need to protect her all the time, it could’ve only ended in two ways…” Mary stopped, and Dean nodded his head.

“Either she’d have lost herself completely, swallowed up in my shadow, or I’d be in prison for murdering her father,” Dean finished for her.

“Exactly. Y/N knew that, too, and she didn’t want either of those futures for you. She wanted to grow and learn how to take care of herself. Stand up for herself. Fight back. She could only have done that alone. She had to become someone you didn’t need to protect,” Mary said.

“I’ll always protect her. I’ll protect everyone I love,” Dean countered, and Mary smiled.

“I know you would, Dean, and we are so proud of you for that, but she’s a lot stronger than you give her credit for, and there’s a big difference between needing to protect someone and wanting to,” Mary cupped his cheek and gave him a soft smile before she moved to sit at the table.

“So, what happens now, son?” John asked. “I know you still love her.”

“I’ll always love her, but I’d like to find out if I’m still in love with her,” Dean replied.

“It’s clear that you are, Dean,” Sam added with a smirk. “I don’t think you ever stopped.”

“Yeah, maybe. But that letter is at least ten years old, and Y/N talks about being different. Shit, I’ve changed too. Who knows if that means I still love her, feel nothing but platonic love or will fall in love with her all over again?”

“I don’t think she’ll have changed as much as you think, Dean!” John said with a soft smile.

“I hope not,” Dean smiled. “Still, I don’t wanna get too excited. She might not be in love with me anymore. Plus, she’ll have a lot on her plate with moving back, settling into a new job, and a new life. Her dad is dying-”

“Dean, you can’t put off seeing her,” Sam insisted.

“I won’t. But I won’t force myself back into her life when everything’s already in the air for her. I’ll let her settle, and then if she agrees, we’ll meet and talk.”

Next Chapter >>

Tag list: @deans-baby-momma @deans-spinster-witch @leigh70 @stoneyggirl2 @hobby27 @candy-coated-misery0731 @iprobablyshipit91 @twinkleinadiamondsky @mrsjenniferwinchester @spnwoman @snackles87 @perpetualabsurdity @hoboal87 @synmorite @nancymcl @trannydean @nic-kolas @jc-winchester @winchestergirl1720 @globetrotter28 @nelachu2423 @kayleighmeister @venicesem @ladysparkles78 @roseblue373 @suckitands33 @tristanrosspada-ackles @silentbutscreaming @lacilou @sandlee44 @kmc1989 @chriszgirl92 @ashbatz @k-slla @jamerlynn @waters-2567 @kazsrm67

#the one that got away #firefighter!dean winchester x reader #au dean winchester x reader #tw: child abuse #tw: alcoholism #tw: physical abuse #tw: verbal abuse #firefighter!dean winchester #dean winchester x reader

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squipedmew · 1 year

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well, since the Dream SMP has officially come to a close, I thought I’d share what I’ve been up to for the past 2 years - making character designs for every single one of the characters!

I really wanted every character to look distinct, with really distinct color pallets, unique weapons for each and every character - basically like each one of them could be the protagonist of a wildly different story from one another. Feel free to steal them (with credit) if you want!

I kinda dropped off working on it in late 2022, so I think I missed a few characters, as well as going back and re-doing some of the oldest ones (that’s why some of them are more detailed - those are the 2023 versions)

As strange as it is for me to say this, DSMP had such a big impact on me, especially over COVID. I haven’t had a piece of media fill me with such a passion to create art and improve probably since Undertale all the way back in 2015, if you can believe it. I owe a lot of my art improvement to this silly little Minecraft series, and though I may have lost touch with it near the end, it will always hold a special place in my heart.

o7 you crazy, wacky, depressing, stupid, unsatisfying, joyful, hilarious, and amazing series. I wish everyone involved in it the best!

(A few extra designs under the cut!)

This is a 2020 Pogtopia Wilbur I made, and if I were to draw it now, I probably wouldn’t change a thing. This design fucking slaps imo, I’m still super proud of it.

Exile Era Tommy. Wilbur’s old Pogtopia coat has been passed around so many times between so many different interpretations of characters, so I thought it made more sense for Tommy to take the L’Manberg era coat from Wilbur, since that was the version of him he idolized (This is an old version of Wilbur’s coat btw)

Post Dream-Getting-Sent-To-Prison Tommy! I wanted to emphasize how Tommy was trying to move past his trauma, so he shaved off the grey streak he got from the Withers in the L’Manberg explosions (I gave him the grey streaks before Revival canonized it - don’t ask me why)

Las Nevadas Quackity. It’s basically a 1 to 1 for his skin, save for the really ugly blue patches and hoodie I gave him. If I were to do it again, I would def change that.

Snowchester Tubbo. Also still holds up, though I’m not 100% on the pants. This was kinda before goat Tubbo got super canonized, so I just decided to have the eyes. The scars are from the execution.

Revivbur. He looks pretty good for a dead bitch - though I messed up the L’Manberg flag colors on the bandanna on his ankle. Guess he’s french now.

Team Rocket era Niki! She took custody of Wilbur’s Pogtopia coat, albiet cutting off the parts that were covered in blood and soot (which was most of it) I also made her a fire-born like Sapnap, though you can’t see from his design - her hair is on fire when she feels strong emotions, and she’s basically going through it 24/7 during this part.

Syndicate Niki! She’s calmed down and is no longer on fire, but her hair is still pink from all those weeks of constant rage and sadness. Also dressed more appropriately for the snow.

Dream Post Prison. Mask no longer has invisibility enchantments, so he doesn’t bother hiding his face. Gotta wonder how it’s staying on though. Get this man some moisturizer.

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seijorhi · 2 months

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hey rhi 👋

I’ve been watching a lot of zombie shows lately (ex: the walking dead, last of us, all of us are dead, world war z, zombieland etc. etc)

And while watching all those shows, they always managed to remind me about your zombie fic ‘finders keepers’ which would then lead me to wonder and boil with questions. So if you don’t mind and if it doesn’t trouble you too much, I would like to ask a couple of things ….

1. How did the apocalypse start?

2. When it did start, were they at school and just so happen to group up? Or did they join forces in a different manner?

3. While oikawa and the reader were taking shelter, where were the others?

4. When the reader went out to search for supplies for oikawa, we know the twins were following her, but what were they doing out in the first place?

5. (I might be a lil slow for this, but) Which of the twins killed the zombie, Atsumu or Osamu?

6. Why does inarizaki take in ‘strays’ and what do they do to them? And what do they do once the strays in question want to leave their group?

7. For how long did the twins have eyes for the reader?

8. How far along are they into the apocalypse?

9. How come no one seems concerned with reuniting with family or loved ones?

10. What’s the initial reaction from the inarizaki group when they see that the twins brought the reader to their base?

Well I think that’s all my questions… hopefully. But I know for damn sure that if an apocalypse were to actually happen that I’d be like the reader utterly useless and helpless (but unlike her I won’t have any strong and beautiful men to help or protect me 😔)

I would also probably opt out 😭 (people in zombie shows always have so much will to live and for what?!?!?).

Anyways, I always enjoy seeing your blog and reading yours answers to questions asked by us. I love how I’ll be doing anything in my day, and something (no matter how small it is) will remind me of one of your many glorious fics.

I hope you have a wonderful week and thank you for reading. (Stay hydrated and blessed babe 😏.)

(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))♡

- 🌬️🌫️

okay bear with me

i like to go with pharmaceutical fuck up/virus/pandemic thing à la 28 days later or the walking dead

nah, they were friends before it hit, but even pre-apocalypse it wasn't intended to be a volleyball specific thing

well technically it depends. prior to oikawa being bitten they were on a supply run. in the aftermath, they would've gone back to the school, found it overrun and depending on your own personal choice, either found themselves at the wrong end of a zombie's teeth, or they're trying to track oikawa and the reader down after escaping themselves

following :))

whichever one you think. truly i wrote it and left it ambiguous because 1) the reader couldn't see shit and couldn't determine it herself and 2) it could honestly have been either of them and i found it funnier that way. go with whatever your heart tells you

i like to think that inarizaki actually have more of a 'community'. small, but not just a bunch of guys. considering that there's food, medicine, a fuck-ton of guns and men willing to use them, they're usually pretty happy to stay. loyal enough to look the other way when it becomes clear the reader isn't going to be able to just waltz out the front gate like she thinks

inarizaki (or the core members) were aware that a few people were holing up in the school, weren't too concerned about it. more of a 'keep an eye on it and see if it becomes a problem' kind of sitch. they didn't know that group included a woman, not with how anal the others were about keeping the reader safe and tucked away from prying eyes. it was pure luck that the twins caught sight of her during a patrol, a little while before iwa and the other two left and zombies found their way inside. funny that.

somewhere between 6-12 months. long enough for the world to go to shit and for people to become adjusted to that. sort of

mostly because they either saw their family and loved ones die or they believe the chances they're still alive are slim enough not to pin hopes and dreams on. also in the reader's case because even if she had plans of meeting up/looking for someone, they'd put that shit to bed real quick

honestly i think kita would want to disapprove, but how can he? yes the twins were reckless and yes they should have discussed this together beforehand so they could have planned this, but he can't and won't argue with the end result. the reader wasn't safe where she was, now she is. she'll have access to things she was woefully lacking previously, the twins are satisfied, it's the best solution all round. thanks in no small part to how seijoh 4 treated her, there's no chance she'd survive out there on her own. such a sweet, vulnerable, helpless little thing, how could the rest of them not just want to eat her right up? they are ofc unsurprised by the twins pulling some bullshit, but hey, no one (they care about) died right? win-win.

#i'm sorry i sat on this ask for ages #i just needed to psych myself up for it #and also to go re-read the fic #and then type coherent words #rhi answers #fic asks #finders keepers #🌬️🌫️ anon

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munv · 1 year

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𝗪𝗔𝗦 𝗜 𝗗𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗜𝗡 𝗔 𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘?

Sobs in a lot of words - i might have changed it a bit from the lil teaser I made maybe a week or so earlier so don’t mind that tehe

2k+ words !! what if I said by the time I posted this I was already working on part 2?

Step, step, step. Your heart pounded but you had no idea why, perhaps you didn’t turn off the stove when you were on your way to pick up Riko? No it couldn’t be that, but there had to be a reason you felt this..upcoming dread in your stomach.

Something was off..completely. You knew something was wrong, yet you brushed it off thinking it was nothing as you cotninued on your way home with your little sister.

By the time you reached home you had received a call that changed your life completely, your so called lovely parents were dead. You knew you couldn’t do much about it either way and it surely didn’t help you knew Riko was but only a 4 year old who would probably have no understanding of what is really happening.

A crush worthy reality that would break her small heart into more pieces than you could count.

“Hey hey nii-san! Look, this is what i wanted to show you!”. You slowly looked up to see something that made you feel as if you were completely shattered into pieces. You felt guilty, you knew you weren’t responsible for what had happened, but how would you be able to respond when she had such a angelic smile holding up a drawing of your precious family?

As if you weren’t controlling your own body your body went down on one knee and hugged her. “Hey riko..promise me something?”

The child felt as if you knew something she didn’t, she was well aware of her age and didn’t quite understand why you looked so..sad and distant but payed it no mind with the train of thought that you would be find not too long later into the day. “Promise you’ll listen to me and you won’t leave me, you fine with that?”

The child nodded her head enthusiastically “of course!”, holding out her pinky “to sweeten the deal” with a contagious smile that also spilled upon your face. “Deal”.

Ever since that day she was in your care until a woman named Misato Kuroi came around to take care of not only her but you as well. It was also thanks to her that you discovered you had cursed energy in the first place.

It was around this year that Riko was in junior high as you were secretly taking classes with Masamachi Yaga that you later found out to be the next principle of a school called “tokyo jujutsu high”. He offered to entroll you but you declined knowing that you still had to take care of Riko even with Kuroi taking care of her at times.

Obviously you having this amount of cursed energy wasn’t normal and most would be as bold as to assume you came from a very powerful clan but in reality, you were born of barely anyone with cursed energy fit to take down a 3rd grade at the very most.

Yaga knew about you potential and made no haste to waste it in no way at all, he knew that if he even hesitated in doing so the higher ups would get to you first considering a literal ball of huge cursed energy was just around and not being trained properly.

Despite your protests he made it so you would be entrolled either way.

“Yaga-san..as much as i appreciate you, I’d still like to stay away from that place as far as po-” You were cut off with his glare that really screamed ‘it wasn’t a question it was a order as your instructor’ and considering that you probably and most likely wouldn’t stand a chance against the older man in your attempt to change his mind, you gave in.

The same year prior you were ordered to come to his classroom in which you thought wouldn’t be a problem until you were proved wrong dearly.

In which that brings us to our current predicament

#PRESENT

You were on your way down the corridor to Yaga’s classroom, the closer you got the more annoyed you got. “Why the hell do I have to wake up this damn early because the old man just wants to chat?” you mumbled as you dragged your feet to your destination.

The sunlight shined more than usually and to be honest you couldn’t confidently say you were a morning person. The way you weren’t able to get proper coffee didn’t help you either as it tasted like absolute crap.

As you were busy cursing out the very man you were going to go see in your thoughts, your train of thought was cut off by voices on the inside which you could say were particularly a bit too loud for your liking.

“He’s finally lost it”

“It is spring after all, with him being the next principal he’s probably gotten carried away”. Two deep voices from the inside of the room said.

You stopped your movements immediately realizing other people were in the room and with the amount of cursed energy coming from inside you could tell these weren’t just some average everyday sorcerers.

“I’ll decide whether that’s considered a joke or not..” The rest of what was going on was muffled and you considered yourself even grateful to hear some of it to some content. You were so deep in thought you couldn’t hear footsteps on the other side of the door approaching.

“Ah, I almost forgot to mention,recently we were able to come in contact with the said girls relative. The only one who has been taking care of her that is.They will be helping you escort her. Y/N you may come in now.”

The door opened and two pairs of eyes were on you. The silence that followed was unbearable as you were forced to stand in front of the two boys who looked at you with equally curious eyes.

One with white hair as pure as snow, seemingly had a slender figure with small round glasses covering his eyes. The other with jet black hair that was rapped into a bun at the back of his head as one starnd of hair neatly hanged in front of his face completing his handsome features.

Wait, handsome? When did you start thinking that? You cleared your throat knowing you couldn’t stand there for too long.

Bowing your head as your hair fell over your face like a curtain you introduced yourself. “I apalogize for coming in on short notice, my name is Amanai Y/N it’s a honor to meet you”. Raising your head you expected a response, not a specific one but the one you got made you stand there flabbergasted.

“So..are you supposed to be the hotter older si-” The black haired boy next to him smacked the back of his white haired friends head and turned to you with a smile “I’m geto suguru and this is gojo satoru” as he bowed his friend and forcing his seemingly supposed friend to bow his head too. You chuckled a little bit happy you could put names to the two faces in front of you.

Gojo scowled and yelled “WHAT WAS THAT FOR?”. His friend slowly turned to him with a equally annoyed voice but not as loud “maybe because if you were about to hit on the very girls older sibling that we are supposed to be ESCORTING”

Sparks flew around the room as the boys started roughing one another up. You slowly turned to yaga with a blank expression, “so this is what you set me up for?..”

“Goodluck.” He responded with a dry voice that told in more ways than one that he deals with this more than he gets paid for. With that you both walked out the classroom leaving the two to their own devices.

“But honestly..I get why the curse-user group Q is after her but why would the star religion group want to kill her?” Gojo exlaimed opening a soda can as he caught up so he could walk with you and geto. “You have any N/N?” You turned your head to him with a confused expression, “N/N?..” “Yeah! That’s my nickname for you!” he said cheerfully putting his arm around your shoulder “Y/N will be just fine”

He took a rather massive chug out of his drink like a dehydrated man and took a sigh “N/N it is!”.

“Rather than getting off topic, they worship a pure masten tengen so if what I heard was right it’s that their beliefs led them to think a star plasma vessel would soil that purity.”

“And where did you supposedly hear that?”

“Rather than hear it’s more like the documents that yaga gave to us earlier, did you even read them?” you piped in.

“Nope!” gojo said making sure to pop to ‘p’ at the end.

“But the star religious group are all non-curse users so it shouldn’t be necessary to worry about them too much.” geto continued.

“Shouldn’t we be wary fo Q then?” you asked without looking at him. “mmh” he hummed in agreement.

“Anyways there’s nothing to worry about” gojo said and paused for a little bit to take another chug. “We’re the strongest so don’t worry your pretty little head Y/N-Chan!” you scoffed and started walking ahead of the two males “tell me the same thing when my little sister is safe idiot”. You mumbled yet still loud enough for them to hear.

“Hey satoru, i’ve been meaning to tell you this..” The black haired male said side eyeing his best friend sightly before fully looking at him. “What?”

“It’s just..you should be more aware of the way you talk, especially around your superiors.”

“WHAT-?!” gojo said as his eye widened at geto’s words.

“Maybe that way your juniors or new people won’t be scared of you y’know”

Throwing away his soda in a trash can he let out an exasperated sigh, “sheesh..gimme a break won’t you?”

“Yo slowpokes! You got long legs don’t you? Less chatting more walking” you yelled out to the two males behind you.

Just as gojo was about to let out a snarky comment back you all stopped when an explosion came out from the large building in front of you.

“SHIT!” you yelled running to the building at full speed.

“You think Y/N will kill us if the kid’s already dead?” he said as geto started holding a curse in his hand getting ready to unleash it incase anything else were to happen. They stopped when they saw something or rather – someone falling out the building.

“Forgive me” a voice said from the top of the building “feel free to blame this on tenge- WHA?” he stopped mid sentence staring wide eyed at geto who had riko in his hands on top of a flying curse.

You jumped up and kicked the man who had barely managed to block it. Debris flying everywhere from the very impact. “Keep your filthy hands off my sister you MUTT” you started to activate your cursed technique and millions of electric sparks started flying everywhere before a big clash of thunder came down on him.

“Don’t go making a mess now, we just got in trouble this morning” geto said with a satisfied expression still holding riko in his arms.

“Whatever” you said holding the man by the neck before giving him another punch to the face. This made geto sweatdrop at your anger you were seemingly letting out just for even attempting to harm your sister.

From below gojo let out a dramatic sigh, “phew! Just in time”. 6 knives then came rushing at him but were stopped by the contact of his limited technique. “Amazing” clapped a Q soldier coming close to the white haired male. “You’re Satoru Gojo I presume. I’ve heard you’re quite strong” he started to glare at the boy. “Show me if those rumors are true”, he said voice getting deeper with the last few words.

A smirk started to rise on Gojo’s face “sure, but.. Let’s make a little rule.”

“Rule?” His eyebrow raised in curiosity yet still on guard.

“I don’t wanna go all out and get in trouble so..cry now and apologize. Maybe I won’t kill ya”

“BRAT!” the Q soldier snarled with a pissed off look.

“So it begins..”

TAG LIST: @megumisemo @todorokistoya @sammyiguess @bao-yu-sarah-morningstar-wang-9 @boo-kugo @vile-woman

Couldn’t @ the last person named woozzz someone do it for me I beg 💔 message me to be next on the tag list!

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corvusalbus93 · 24 days

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Thoughts & Feelings after the TBB Finale

Loved the show, but there are a couple of things I wish had been different/added. We still got damn good finale; pretty tense at times, action was great, Hemlock died (and Hunter and Crosshair got to do it together. Remember; sharing is caring), the way Rampart and Nala Se met their end, we even had a pretty happy ending for once, lots of good stuff.

However, I am disappointed Rex and his rebellion didn’t really play a part, despite being the reason Echo was gone for so much of the show and the screen time they got in season 2. They were also looking for Tantiss, determined to free their brother, so I’d been hoping Echo would manage to get a message out. Just imagine Rex with his boys showing up clutch, keeping troops occupied, evacuating the prisoners, giving the Batch the opening they need to get to Hemlock or something.

While I like how the show stayed focused on the Bad Batch, and didn’t drag in too many characters from other stories, this could have made Echo’s absence/working with Rex feel more vital. Maybe the Rex-storyline was dropped and they’re saving some of these plotlines for another Rex-centred show; those might also show when Wolffe switched sides or what happened to Cody, after he went AWOL.

Now, am I sad Tech is really dead? Yes and no.

While I am sick of every other character in Star Wars returning from the dead, part of me had hoped he’d survived somehow. As mentioned in previous posts, it felt like he died in the middle of his character arch (which his death certainly didn’t complete); Romar in the first episodes of season 2 gave him inside into the value of culture, and how people weren’t defined by what side they were on during the war. Phee added to this with her own love of history and culture...and then it didn’t go anywhere. They also teased the possibility of a romance with her, but it was ended with an awkward goodbye and we didn’t see her react to his death. She mentions him, but its business as usual for everyone at that point. Tech could have been on vacation the way everyone acted most of the time in season 3.

Seriously, the main reason I’m unsatisfied with his death is the lack of reaction and consequences in this season. Even in the episode he died in, it was kinda overshadowed by Omega’s abduction 5 minutes later. Not to mention that it ended with Emeri revealing she was her sister; you lost a science-inclined sibling with glasses? Well, don’t worry, here’s another. Bit overdramatic on my part, I know, but I really didn’t like that reveal, not at the time. Should have been in season 3. Though honestly? Emeri didn’t need to be related to any of them; just have her be a not morally bankrupt person and the story wouldn’t have changed. She didn’t need to be related to the other kids to care about them, so what really was the point of her being another clone?

Going back to Tech, it’s a shame we didn’t see Crosshair or Phee react. Like, did Crosshair blame himself for what happened? I’m sure he did on some level, but we have not really seen it. Even in episode 5, when he argues with Hunter, Crosshair says he risked everything to send the message, but Hunter ignored him and allowed Omega to get abducted...but nothing about Tech’s death. They all just silently look down a few episodes later, when Tech is mentioned, and in the final episode Crosshair points out the team died with Tech. It’s something, but I wish there had been more. Maybe show different ways they deal with loss and how to support each other. Maybe Phee and/or Shep show them what funeral rites on Pabu are like, as a way to say goodbye to the departed. Compare how clones and civilians handle death, something like that. We had a little mourning in season 2, but again, was abruptly ended/undercut by Omega’s abduction.

Concerning consequences; the team operated pretty normally, once Crosshair was back with them. I think it would have added weight, if there had been more things they weren’t able to do at all without Tech. Really make his loss be felt/shown in the way they approach their missions, but there was only like one instance, when they were trying to find out about M-count and otherwise they operated pretty much as usual.

Now, even if Tech had survived there still should have been consequences. I have made posts like a year ago, talking about the possibility of him being permanently disabled (e.g. paralysed below hip/unable to walk), but still able to help the team, as his mind has always been his greatest asset. Still, I’m okay with him staying dead, so I’m not going expand on this further here.

Moving on, we never learned why Omega was created the way she was. We know why she was useful for Hemlock, but why did Nala Se made her to begin with? Did she have similar goals/did the Kaminioan have a similar project at some point? Was Emeri like a failed test-version of Omega? Just things I wish they had answered, rather than spending two episodes on finding out what M-count means, something the audience already knows.

Which brings me to my next point: why Ventress was in the show? The Batch found out what the M-count was, which honestly is a piece of information Shand could have given them at the end of her episode. Testing if Omega was force sensitive or the taming of that sea creature, didn’t set up anything in the finale as some suspected, so despite enjoying Ventress’ episode, I wish they’d used the time on other plot points.

We also never did find out what exactly Project Necromancer tried to accomplish (though we got a good idea), or how close Hemlock was to achieving his breakthrough. Could have added tension, if we’d known how far along he truly was, added catharsis to see him fail so close to his goal.

Overall I’m not quite happy Omega got brought to Tantiss and escaped twice with minimal help (really undermining the place as a whole). Why did infiltrating Tarkin’s “summer home” feel more dangerous/consequential than the secret mountain-base they built up so much? I love we finally got a happy ending, but one named character on the good guys’ side should have died, not just nameless prisoners we only just met. This is where the clone rebellion could have come in, some sacrificing themselves, helping the Batch, or maybe have Phee (who felt underutilised) get shot down, after getting them to Tantiss.

If you’ve seen previous posts, you know I’m pretty mad about what they’ve done with Scorch overall. What happened in the final episode can be summed up like this:

He’s unrecognizable from the games and books, to the point I wonder why they even bothered to include him. He didn’t even really do anything. Was it just because he was recognizable? And where is the rest of Delta? We never got closure concerning Sev and now this, a waste of a pretty fun character.

Speaking of clones working for Hemlock.

While I don’t mind the CX-clones being no one special, they had no personality, and except for CX-2 perhaps, no rivalries with the Batch either. They didn’t even get voice lines, so they looked cool for 5 minutes of screen time and died, but were pretty forgettable overall. They are this far down on my list, ‘cause I legit forgot about them. If only they’d been introduced sooner.

Anyway, those are some of my thoughts. I still like the show and would recommend it to any Star Wars fan, but there were a few things I just needed to get off my chest.

#the bad batch #bad batch #tbb #tbb thoughts #tbb season finale

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absolutebl · 1 year

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This Week In BL - Korea is coming after your office romance crown, Japan

March 2023 Wk 3

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Bed Friend (Sat YT, GaGa & iQIYI uncut) ep 6 of 10 - (sorry, yes I knew they extended it to 10, and I don’t think it’s a good sign) I thought the kink moment was kinda cute, and it illustrates the best thing about f-buddy relationships, license to play and explore. Also language play! (You know phi/nong is also for pets, right?) Poor Uea never gets to keep a grain of happiness very long - so now he’s pushing it away and self isolating. Sigh, I do hope there is happiness for a few eps at the end of all this trauma.

Future (Thai Sun YouTube & Gaga) ep 1 of 5 - Based on a y-novel by Faddest (En of Love) about an engineering student and a dentist. Expect this one to stay soft, it’s from the 21 Day Theory people. I LOVE it. Bad sound and wooden acting but this is a classic old school Thai pulp. Older shy (but delightfully manipulative) sweetie dentist Ana with crush on younger sappy sunshine jock engineering student, Fuse. Very much a puppy/cat pairing. I admit, knowing all the various characters’ back stories means everything makes more sense. The friends’ conversations make me laugh a lot, but this is a very talkie show, with not awesome subs, so certainly not for everyone. I’ve already rewatched the first ep 3x.

Pastsenger (Thai Weds Gaga) 3 of 12 eps - I enjoy that its the tsundere uke developing feelings first. Unusual approach. I also like that fake dating is being deployed to protect the girl from a stalker. It’s silly but I’m starting to like this show more.

A Boss and a Babe (Fri YouTube) ep 4 of 12 - Honestly, the boss character isn’t really that tsundere. He’s basically a big old softy. Also baby boy very jelly. I would be too. Ex is v hot. But we keep being told things about these 2 characters but not shown said things on screen. Like the writers think they are telling one story but what we are watching is completely different. It’s... odd.

Tin Tam Jai (Tues Gaga & iQIYI) ep 4 of 12 - Aw, P’Park has an emotional support uke. OMG they brought the flirty faen fatal crumb back! YES. I love him.

The Promise (Thai Weds YT) ep 4 of 10 - Good advice about secrets. It better come out and it better be a good reason... like witness protection. I am starting to get annoyed and feel manipulated the more they drag it out. But from the preview it seems like next week brings the PAIN. I have never been more ready.

Chains of Heart (Sat iQIYI) ep 6 of 10 - Will I ever understand this show? I hate that such good acting and chemistry is squandered on such an incomprehensible script. Is the “Korean doctor thread” a set up for Lue actually being Din (dead lover) with a new face? Because I suspected that at the beginning but if that’s the big twist in this narrative it’s a super clumsy twist. I hope they don’t. I’d rather it’s that Din turned himself into Ken - creepy, but less predictable.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Our Dating Sim (Korea Thurs Viki) eps 5-6 of 8 - Miracles of miracles: The kissing is even good in this one! Aw, baby wants to be courted. The redial phone call flirt had me flappy-handing and cackling. How are they THIS cute? It hurts my heart, two nerds in love. Also being linguistically outed at work is my new favorite trope ever. I rewatched these 2 eps an embarrassing number of times. (Warning, it looks like we got us a classic 1yr Kdrama separation coming down the line. PLEASE subvert this trope ODS. PLEASE.)

All the Liquors (Korea Thurs Gaga & Viki) eps 7-8 fin - I guess I just don’t get over-dramatic angst about silly things. The premise of this show seems to be overreaction to some stuff, under-reaction (more typical KBL) to everything else. So not allergic but an alcoholic grandma who drank herself to death? Cute confession and kiss. They are so shy and sweet with each other. For a Korean drama this had a great ending which elevated it a lot over the many other KBLs of this type (Tasty, Sweet, Ocean, etc..)

Final thoughts: A pretty classic foodie set KBL that managed to distinguish itself from others in this category by having a particularly satisfying final episode centered around found family. Sunshine sweetie soju rep gets involved with a shy introverted chef who doesn’t drink. Has a somewhat uneven plot, but If you are looking for a restaurant BL with Korea’s signature softness, then this is a great option. FYI I may identify with our baby party boy hedonist more than any other BL lead ever presented. 8/10

I present actual footage of P’ABL whispering in your shell-like about what you should watch next...

Unintentional Love Story (Korea Thurs iQIYI) 3-4 of 10 - (here’s how I am getting it) ALL THE TROPES these 2 eps. Cohabitation! Pretty house! Flirting. Ooo evil agent ex? White towel sponge bath doesn’t get deployed by Korea very often. Other thoughts: Why does the ceramicist’s car look like a hearse? How is Gongchan SO CUTE? Boyfriends-to-be eating together is great. So many self-worth issues in this one no wonder @heretherebedork loves it. (This is an unexpectedly long series, too. 10 eps and each one is over 30 min. That’s crazy for a KBL = Light on Me territory.)

A Shoulder to Cry On (Korea Tues Viki & Gaga) eps 3-4 of 7 - this sort of emotional and mental manipulation (from narrative and characters) meets bully romance isn’t my thing. (And should be left up to Japan if it must exist at all IMHO.) Ultra cringe, humiliation, and emotional torture for everyone! (What is this, fan fic?) Result: therapy is needed for everyone, including me, who continues to have trust issues with this show.

Jack o’Frost (Japan Fri GaGa) ep 6 fin - delayed until next week

It’s Airing But ...

Love Syndrome (Thai Sat WeTV) stopped at ep 2 of 12 - I’m just not into any aspect of it (except Lee Long Shi and I can watch him in Tin Tem Jai) - saving to binge if the end is solid.

Blue Sky Complex (Japan ???) 5 eps for VR - adaptation of Kei Ichikawa's manga started Feb 27 on 360 Channel (SHOCHIKUch) a VR distribution service. Will inter-fans ever get to see this, and if it’s filmed for VR will it adapt without being overly dark and fuzzy? I have questions. But as usual, you do you Japan and we will wait (im)patiently to see if you remember the rest of the world exists. This is my preferred kind of live action yaoi, so fingers crossed.

Boyband (Thai) ep 2 of 10 - Stopped airing on YouTube, and only available in Thailand & Japan. Not sure if they’re working a distribution deal or just fucking with us.

Cafe In Love (Thai ???) 10 eps on Ch3+ - Thai pulp, about trying to save a coffee shop. FairyGodBLer came through for me, but I’m collecting to binge just in case. It’s my new policy with the grey stuff.

Destiny Seeker (Tues WeTV Thailand) 10 eps - it’s not on any WeTV I can get ahold of. Bad Buddy the pulp rebirth meets Japanese handsome host club action. Same as above.

Make a Wish (Thai Weds ?) from WaGa Creative staring Fluke Natouch (OhmFluke UWMA etc...) & Judo (The Miracle Of Teddy Bear) in a medical-fantasy. It seems to be a light-hearted romance with a comedic flair. About a doctor who sees ghosts and a deity who resides in a Bodhi tree that earns merits whenever he fulfills a wish based on a y-novel by Sammon (Manner of Death, Triage). Too hard to find.

In other news

I finished watching Why You... Y Me (hold over from last year). It’s basically Puppy Honey + a band + excessive fujoshi, so NOT my jam, but the main BL side is nicely handled love triangle, if that’s your thing. There is a tiny gem of a story (buried in amongst the rest of this nonsense) about friendship, support, love, and owning your identity. But BL is very much the secondary plot here and the main plot is AWFUL so I can’t give it more than 5/10. Still it’s all on YT if you wanna give it a try.

I also finished The End Of The World, With You AKA Bokura no Micro na Shuumatsu. (Speaking of Japan psychologically bullying us.) Conclusion? It’s not BL (no BL tropes used, a sub-genre is defined by its tropes, BL is a sub-genre of gay romance). It’s a quirky road trip found family gay drama/romance. It’s fine if you like this kinda artsy tortured character thing. I don’t. But it’s well done high heat from Japan so... 6/10 I guess?

Next Week Looks Like This:

The Eighth Sense starts weds Viki, I’m thinking this is KBL doing JBL style again, so no promises on an HEA for this one. It’s giving me. His (the series) feels. But it could be more in the Blueming vein. Remains to be seen.

Full list of upcoming in March 2023 is here.

2023 forthcoming BL master post. (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

This Week’s Adventure in Captions

Actually, Fuse said meeha which is usually translated as wifey (there are other slang words for bottom). Fuse is trying to establish a sexual and romantic dynamic where he plays “the male role” and he is doing this with Ana for several reasons: 1. Ana made the first move. 2 Ana is older.

This is definitely one of those were the captions are OK but old-fashioned, it helps to know the common used terms and parlance. They are ALSO never saying boyfriend, they are always saying faen (gender neutral).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT

I really liked this phrasing (Boss & Babe).

Double date!

The cuteness, it burns us. How is Gongchan a 2nd gen idol, nearly 30, and still the ultimate macknae? Inquiring minds would like his immortality pill, please and thank you. (Unintentional Love Story)

Another gay cactus baby! (Why did tumblr lose its mind over this? Here’s the BL meme primer)

I love it when a show calls out it’s own tropes.

I also love it when a show accurately reviews itself.

All from Our Dating Sim.

(last week)

Current Kpop earworm? Okay so Ireah on Peak Time did a bitty cover of Bad Love by Hynn and now I’m obsessed with it. I like her original a lot but I really want him to drop a full cover of it someday.

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suffersinfandom · 8 months

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So I’m loving season two. Like, a lot. I told my housemate who didn’t, for some reason, stay up until 2:01 in the morning to watch episodes four and five as they dropped that they were the best damn television I’ve ever enjoyed, and I stand by that! But there’s something bothering me, and I know I’m not alone in this:

Izzy’s been accepted into the Revenge crew and Ed hasn’t, and that doesn’t feel fair. (I’m not talking about whether or not it’s right, okay? That’s a whole different ramble. This is about feelings!)

OFMD emphasizes the importance of community—of finding people who will accept you for who you are, of belonging to something. Season one focused on Stede creating something kinder than your traditional macho, hyper-violent pirate community on the Revenge, as well as on Ed realizing that he wants in on that.

(And Ed does try to get in on that! After he thinks Stede has abandoned him—and after he gets the initial breakup moping out of the way—he turns to the crew. He likes being Ed; he wants to learn how to be Ed even without Stede in the picture, and he thinks that Ed could have a place in the community that Stede left behind. No, that community isn’t a fix for all of his issues; he’s still troubled. He’s not better, but he wants to get better. Izzy’s confrontation—you’re better off dead than like this, you’d better watch your fucking step—is the spark that ignites the powder keg that is Ed’s unresolved trauma. In the wake of this, the crew chanting and calling for “Eddie” to give them another song sounds like mockery. It sounds like hostility, and Ed only knows how to respond to hostility with violence. That violence destroys the community that could have supported Ed as he healed.)

In season two, Izzy is straight up bullied into the community that Stede brought about. He doesn’t want to be there. He doesn’t deserve to be there, but this isn’t about what Izzy deserves: it’s about how the crew thinks people should be treated. It’s about showing love to people who have messed up even if they aren’t sorry and tell you to fuck off. And I think that’s lovely! Izzy’s fun when he’s a playful asshole and not actively harmful like he was in season one. Rehabilitating that angry chihuahua into something that won’t bite anyone’s hand off is very sweet.

But wow, it hurts to see Ed banished from the community that took Izzy in.

And to be fair, I don’t blame the crew. They had very different relationships to Izzy and Ed in season one: Izzy was an asshole who bossed them around, and Ed was someone they accepted as a friend. In season two, Ed is the monster who terrorized them and Izzy is just another victim. I get it!

And, like… I don’t hate Izzy. If I hadn’t watched season one, I’d probably even like season two Izzy. He’s pathetic and wet and hilarious. But I remember the way Izzy lied to Ed, insulted him, undermined him, betrayed Stede, bought Ed, and ultimately threatened Ed right back into the only defense he knows. No, Izzy isn’t solely responsible for the Kraken’s reign of terror—Ed is troubled, he has a fuckton of issues and trauma to work through—but Izzy bears some blame! And honestly? Even with all of that, I’m tempted to be okay with season two Izzy. He is at least aware of his role in the disaster that was the Kraken era, and subtly took accountability for it. That’s very cool, but it still doesn’t feel great, you know?

It doesn’t feel great because Izzy did absolutely nothing to get where he is. He didn’t become some kind of benevolent protector of the crew between seasons one and two; he didn’t try to become a part of this community that he scoffed at in the first season. He was rehabilitated, not redeemed.

It doesn’t feel great because Ed still isn’t welcome and he’s trying. Yeah, okay that silly not-quite-an-apology speech that Stede absolutely made up for him wasn’t all that great, but it was more of an attempt than Izzy’s made! And Ed has made himself intensely vulnerable in meeting the terms of his probation. He has agreed to get rid of his armor and his ability to move undetected. He’s trying to physically repair the ship that he damaged. He’s welcoming retributive justice, which is kind of fucked up (and, as Lucius found out, not always that helpful), but it’s the best he has.

(I think it’s important that the only instance of anyone actually apologizing with words—outside of Stede to Ed when he thought Ed was dead—is when Ed is fishing with Fang. Pirates don’t really apologize with words, they make things even by getting revenge. It’s violence for violence. Something about how Ed’s apologizing for an emotional wrong here, something about a budding friendship between Ed and Fang, something something.)

What am I getting at? I don’t fucking know. I don’t blame the crew for domesticating Izzy against his will while turning away from Ed based on what they saw and went through. I’m just sad for Ed. I want him to have the love and support of a community that accepts him as he wants to be, not as who he thinks he has to be to keep from drowning.

A teeny little addition, because I totally neglected to say this: I'm not at all worried about whether or not all of this will be wrapped up by the end of the season. We've still got three episodes to go! This is just a thing that's been gnawing away at my brain.

Anyway, here’s some neat meta that’s written way better than whatever the hell this is:

How Izzy’s whole thing isn’t really about Izzy by forpiratereasons

No, really, it's not about Izzy by asneakyfox

Delicious meta about Izzy’s “redemption” arc by asneakyfox

#ofmd #ofmd meta #edward teach #stede bonnet #izzy critical #even though it really isn't i don't think #none of this makes sense but i need it out of my head #ofmd s2 spoilers

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lavenderdreams22 · 1 year

Text

A Court of Dawn & Dusk - Azriel x Reader (part 8)

Summary: Y/N and Azriel deal with the aftermath of the botched mission. Y/N makes a decision on the bond.

A/N: lots of fluff, a teeny tiny bit of angst. I hope you guys enjoy! It’s a little short, but it’s all I could manage this week since I was sick. ❤️

*****

Dawn had just broken, pinks and oranges stretching across the sky as it lightened. It reminded me of home, bringing a sense of peace.

I was still coated in a sheen of sweat, my heartbeat still hammering in my chest from the nightmare that had shaken me from sleep.

The images of dead men and blood were still vivid in my mind, and I shook my head to rid myself of the memories.

Glancing over at Azriel, I let out a shaky breath. He was laying face down on the oversized mattress, his cheek pressed into the pillow, light snores coming from his slightly open mouth. Even his shadows were resting.

He had stayed up later than I wanted him to, rocking me as I had a panic attack, but he seemed more than willing to do so.

Rolling onto my side, I reached over and brushed the dark hair that had fallen into his face back.

His eyebrows scrunched at the feeling of being touched, and he stirred for a moment before his eyes popped open, finding mine immediately as if he knew exactly where they’d be.

“Morning, handsome.” I said, leaning over and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Mornin’.” He grumbled, his voice still raspy with sleep.

I pulled away a bit to continue watching him, feeling calmer now that I had heard him speak. Something about the tenor in his voice always seemed to put my mind at ease.

“Where you going?” He asked, eyeing me through heavy lids as I made myself comfortable.

“No where, just wanted to look at you.” I muttered, reaching for him to stroke a hand up his arm.

“I would prefer it if you let me hold you for a while til I’m ready to get up. C’mere.” He reached for me, his movements sluggish in his haze.

This version of Az was always my favorite. Sleepy and soft and so, so touchy.

“But I like watching you.” I scooted backwards on the bed a bit more, making myself just out of his reach, a teasing smile on my lips.

He rolled his eyes playfully before bringing his hands up to cover my head. My smile spread into a grin.

“I guess I’ll just have to go, then.” I said, attempting to make my voice sound serious even as I stifled a giggle and moved to get out of bed.

Azriel pulled me back, tucking me into his chest.

“Nuh-uh.” He said, a small smile playing on his lips. “You’re staying here with me forever.”

“I don’t think Rhys would appreciate it if I kept his coveted Spy Master occupied forever.”

“I know him better than you. He will understand.” Azriel quipped, pressing sloppy kisses to my shoulder. “I’d much rather you keep me occupied, anyway. You’re prettier.”

“I’ll tell him you said that when he inevitably comes to get you.” I said, tilting my head back to give him better access to my neck.

He pulled away, mock-hurt flashing in his eyes. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh yes, I would dare.” I giggled. “In fact, let me go. I’m going to go tell him now.”

His hold on me only tightened. “Now you’re really never getting out of this bed.”

I giggled as he rolled me onto my back and propped himself above me.

There was a heat in his eyes, the kind that he reserved only for me, but there was love and adoration there, too. The sight of it nearly took my breath away.

As he leaned down to kiss me, a sharp knock sounded on the door.

“All right, love birds. Enough sappy shit. Y/N, we have training to do.” Cassian shouted from the hallway.

Azriel groaned, resting his head in the crook of my neck.

“Give us just a minute!” I shouted back.

Cassian threw the door open, giving us both a shit eating grin. “Nope. Your father was very specific. We need to ease you back into everything, and to do that, we need to start early.”

Azriel glared at him over his shoulder, his mood darkening as he did so. He hadn’t completely gotten over his jealousy at Cassian and I’s friendship, and he was struggling to let me out of his sight when he had work to do.

“It’s okay, my love.” I said, touching a hand to his cheek. “I’ll meet you back here later.”

His eyes met mine and they softened, as they always did. He only nodded before rolling off of me and getting to his feet.

“Give her a few minutes.” Azriel grumbled half heartedly as he stepped into the hallway and pulled the door shut behind him.

I stood, stretching as I moved to get ready for the long day ahead of me.

*****

Azriel stood in the corner of Rhysand’s office, his arms crossed over his chest.

The wind seemed to mirror his mood, whipping around the House of Wind so violently, it howled down every corridor, every remnant of the good mood that he’d had in his bedroom gone now that they were discussing this mission.

Rhys read through the report, his face carefully neutral. Finally, he set it aside and leaned back in his oversized leather chair.

“So.” Rhys began, not yet meeting Azriel’s eyes. He was grateful for the reprieve of his High Lord's displeasure. “That turned out to be quite the disaster.”

Azriel remained silent. He knew the mission had been an epic failure on his part. His mate had almost died because of it.

“How’re you feeling?” Rhys asked after a few moments of silence.

“I’m fine.” Azriel’s voice sounded foreign, strained. As if he had spent months in the desert with no water. He could care less about how he was doing.

“And how is Y/N?” Finally, the High Lord met the Spy Master’s eyes.

“She’s… better. Still sore.” Azriel shook the memory that Rhysand had let him see from his mind, of her lying in a puddle of her own blood. “Her father cleared her for exercise. She’s up with Cassian now.”

Rhys seemed to loosen a breath at that.

“I still can’t believe that she…” Rhysand pulled the report back to himself, reading over it again as if he hadn’t seen the carnage himself. “She killed a dozen men, a dozen trained soldiers, all on her own.”

Azriel couldn’t help it as he let out a growl, the sound forming deep in his chest. He hated the thought of her getting caught up in that mess. He hated the nightmares that she’d had every night since. He hated himself for not being strong enough to help her when she needed him most. “She wouldn’t have had to if I hadn’t let myself get injured.”

“You can’t blame yourself forever.” Rhys shot him a knowing look.

If there was one thing Azriel was good at, it was beating himself up. But this was different. This was personal, and he had spent every waking moment that he wasn’t wrapped around her thinking about all the ways he planned to make Hybern and Amarantha pay for what they had done.

So, Azriel forced the words from between his clenched teeth. “When your mate nearly dies at the hands of your enemy because you were too weak to stop it, you can talk to me about how long is appropriate to hold yourself accountable.”

Rhys froze, a gleam in his eye that Azriel couldn’t place.

“Mate?”

Azriel froze as well at his own admission. He certainly wasn’t hiding it. Couldn’t even if he wanted to as the scent of her and the clung to every inch of him. But he hadn’t planned on telling Rhysand like this, either.

“She’s my mate.” He couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his face, his mood lightening a bit.

It was truly amazing how quickly she could take him from broody and angry to a smiling, sentimental mess. It truly was not becoming for the all feared Spy Master of the Night Court.

“Has she accepted the bond?” Rhys grinned back.

“She plans to. I told her there was no rush.” Azriel ruffled his wings, the tension that was in his body seeming to melt away as he thought of her. “I didn’t want to pressure her after everything she’s been through.”

Rhys nodded, his grin getting wider as he mulled over this new information.

“Congratulations, brother.” Rhys said. “You two are perfect for each other.”

*****

“This can’t be the same female that killed all those men.” Cassian quipped, swatting me away from yet another failed attempt to take him down.

My breathing was labored as I glared at him.

“Do me a favor, Cassian.”

He cocked his head to the side in a silent question, and I held up my middle finger.

His laughter ricocheted around the training ring, and I couldn’t keep the smile from my lips as I turned on my heel and stalked to the water table.

“Jokes aside, you’re doing well. All things considered.” Cassian followed, leaning against the table.

The entire thing shifted and groaned under his weight, and I stared at it for a moment, waiting, hoping, for it to crumble, for it to send the Lord of Bloodshed tumbling to the ground.

“How are you doing mentally, though?” He asked.

“I’m fine.” I snapped. And then sighed. And then repeated, in a softer, more convincing tone. “I’m fine.”

“Mental blocks can be just as bad as physical ones, Y/N.” He took his own cup of water, chugging it down in one gulp, never taking his eyes off of me.

“I know that.” I grumbled.

Truth was, I hadn’t been alright at all since then. Nightmares plagued almost every night's sleep. But standing next to a male who had taken countless lives… It felt stupid and small to complain about.

I had nearly opened up to Azriel’s few times, but it never felt right, even as he shook me awake and held me until the tremors stopped.

“Killing never gets easier.” Cassian said, setting his cup down gently, as if not to spook me. “If you don’t want to talk to me, at least talk to Madja. She’s an amazing healer for body and mind.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Well, think fast. We start again in five minutes.”

I shot him another half hearted glare before chugging the rest of my water and tossing the cup aside.

*****

Nuala and Cerridwin stood in the kitchen, preparing something for lunch when I rounded the corner.

They both glanced up in unison and I gave them a small smile.

“Good morning.”

They both nodded their heads in acknowledgement before returning to work.

I cleared my throat, bringing their attention back to me.

“What can we do for you, Y/N?” Nuala asked, her voice quiet.

“I was wondering if you could help me make some sort of cake.” I glanced around at the counters. “For Azriel.”

I wasn’t sure why I was so nervous. I had spoken to both of them several times in the past.

“Of course.” Cerridwin replied, offering me a small smile. “What do you think he would want?”

I shrugged. “I was thinking of something with strawberries.”

They nodded again and beckoned me fully into the kitchen.

“Is this to accept the mating bond?” Nuala asked.

I gave her a look that must have given away my confusion of her knowing.

They both only gave me a knowing smile.

I offered them a grin of my own. “Yes, it’s to accept the mating bond.”

*****

Azriel walked into the townhouse at sundown, his head pounding from a long day's work. He and Rhys had been working on gathering more information about Amarantha and why there suddenly seemed to be a hoard of soldiers in Prynthian.

When he had received a message from Y/N around midday to meet him at the town house, it was all he could focus on. She was all he could ever seem to focus on lately.

He continued on through the house, his footsteps nearly silent as he searched for her. Not that he had to search long. His shadows always seemed to know exactly where to find her, anyway. As soon as they came back to him, whispering that she was in the kitchen, he heard something clang to the ground.

The grin that spread across his face was unstoppable as he sped up, his footsteps making more noise as he went. He couldn’t wait to get back to her, to have her in his arms again. Just to breathe her in, that would be enough to erase all of the bullshit from the day.

As he rounded the corner, he came face to face with the most beautiful sight that he had ever seen in his entire life.

There she was, leaning against the counter, tasting some kind of batter off of a spoon as she watched the oven. Her hair was pulled back into a loose bun, pieces falling out and hanging in her face. She was covered in flour, but she looked happier than she had in weeks.

When she looked up and saw him leaning against the wall, her face seemed to brighten even more.

“Azriel.” She breathed, smiling at him in a way that warmed his heart.

“More beautiful every single time I see you.” He whispered as she made her way to him to press soft kisses to his lips.

“I… I made something.” She looked down at herself. “Obviously.”

“And what did you make?”

“Strawberry shortcake.” She looked up at him, her eyes twinkling. “For you.”

His heart stuttered in his chest at the meaning behind her words.

“You… you’re accepting the bond?” He asked.

She nodded. “I have no idea if it’ll be any good… Nuala and Cerridwin helped me. They’re magic in the kitchen. You should see them, it’s amazing.”

She was nervous and babbling. He had no idea why. All he had ever wanted in his entire life was standing right in front of him.

He pulled her into a bone crushing hug, lifting her off of her feet and spinning her in circles as they both giggled.

“Can I try it?” He asked, still holding her in his arms.

“Of course.” She patted his chest in a silent request to put her down.

He hesitated for a moment, not wanting to lose the warmth of her body pressed up against him, but after a few more seconds, he relented. Setting her back on her feet.

She turned, and he admired her as she moved. When she turned back to him, she had a perfect little cake in her hands that was topped with perfectly cut strawberries.

“I hope you like it. I wasn’t sure what you’d want, but my father used to make this all the time when I was little.” She tucked one of the loose strands of hair behind her ear.

“You could have given me a lump of burnt bread, and I would think it was the second most delicious thing in the world.” He smirked at her, taking the small plate out of her hand.

“Second?” She asked, outraged. “What’s the first?”

He set the plate to the side, pulling her into his chest. She tipped her head back laughing, and he kissed her neck.

“The first will always be you, my love.” He kissed her once, twice, three more times before he stepped away and rounded the island to take a seat.

She watched him intently as he pulled the cake closer to himself, picking up the fork, and taking the first bite.

His eyes closed as he savored it, and she clasped her hands in front of her as she grinned.

“Absolutely delicious.” Azriel muttered, opening his eyes to look at her again.

The warmth that spread down the bond made his head spin. It was official. She was his for the rest of their near-immortal lives. She was his, and he, without a shadow of a doubt, was completely and irrevocably hers.

*****

Taglist: @brekkershadowsinger @mis-lil-red @judig92

#azriel x reader #azriel shadowsinger #azriel acotar #acotar fanfiction #azriel #acotar fanfic #acotar #acowar #acomaf #azriel x y/n #azriel x you #azriel spymaster

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