#i hope i answers your question! but if i didn’t my inbox is open lmao!
Note
Could you do another drink bakugo?
⋆ PAIRING: drunk/prohero!bakugou x fem!reader
⋆ WARNINGS/TAGS: swearing; alcohol; all characters are adults
⋆ WORD COUNT: 3003
A/N: taking a break from mystic academia cause this has been sitting in my inbox for so long and i wanted to save it until i got some inspiration for another drunk!bakugou and i finally found the inspo hehe. also when i first started writing drunk!bakugou oneshots, i was 17 LMAO and now as a 23 y/o that has actually been drunk i can write this a little more accurately lol. also i was struggling trying to end this cause i didn’t want it to be longer than it already is (imo) lol so im sorry for the awkward ending. ty for requesting and i hope you enjoy!
© simplybakugou — all rights reserved. DO NOT REPOST/REUPLOAD, TRANSLATE, OR EDIT ANY OF MY CONTENT ON HERE OR ANY PLATFORM
It was a stupid idea. Why the hell would Bakugou go into a bar with the most loud and raucous people he knew even though he’d never drank a day in his life?
He couldn’t think of something he wanted to do less in that moment. He was exhausted, coming from a day of patrolling and hero work. Although his friends also came from their jobs, they actually drank alcohol and wanted to unwind after five years of constantly overworking themselves.
“Are you really not gonna get anything, Katsuki?” Sero questioned, giving the table’s drink orders to the bartender.
“I’m not fucking up my body just to look like an idiot like you dumbasses,” Bakugou huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in his chair.
“Why’d you come then?” Kaminari quipped, interested in hearing Bakugou’s answer.
“Cause your dumbass wouldn’t stop bothering me about coming out tonight!” Bakugou replied angrily.
“Oh yeah!” Kaminari exclaimed, laughing at himself. “I forgot.”
“It’s good to come out with us once in a while,” Kirishima said, nodding his head. “You’ve been working yourself to the bone since we graduated, man. We haven’t seen you in years.”
Bakugou rolled his eyes. “Don’t be fucking ridiculous. I’m not stopping until I’m number one. You shits can drink all you fucking want but I’m not gonna sit around every week just to catch up.”
Kaminari sighed, shaking his head. “This is why you’ve never had a girlfriend.” Sero nodded along with him.
“And what the fuck does that have to do with anything?” Bakugou snarled, slamming his fist against the table out of annoyance.
“You’re a workaholic, dude,” Sero stated matter-of-factly. “When are you gonna have the time to date? If you slowed down a little you could’ve at least gone out with Y/N back when you had a crush on her in U.A.”
“I did not have a crush on that shitty girl.” Bakugou felt himself getting even more angered just hearing your name uttered.
“You keep telling yourself that,” Kirishima said, patting his friend on the shoulder only to get shook off by Bakugou.
The drinks Sero ordered arrived and the rest of the guys cheered each other before downing their beverages. Bakugou sipped on his water he was forced to get after Sero berated him to order something.
The more alcohol his friends consumed, the more rowdy and even more raucous they got and Bakugou questioned even more why he decided to go out with them. It was karaoke night at the bar and Bakugou swore his ears were bleeding as Kaminari consistently kept attempting to serenade him.
Despite how chaotic it was in the bar that night, Bakugou eventually found himself enjoying it. Kaminari and Sero got the most drunk, getting up to dance and stumbling over one another, which made Bakugou and Kirishima burst into laughter. He would never tell them, but he needed this time out and away from the constant need to work towards his one and only goal.
The night was going great; until the door to the bar opened. Bakugou turned his head to the noise of the bell ringing above the door. It stuck out amongst the voices and loud nature of the room and he felt his face drop at the sight.
There you were, five years older than the last time he had seen you in person. And you weren’t alone as your arm was looped around the arm of another man.
Bakugou couldn’t help but stare at the sight. He drowned out the sounds of Kaminari, Sero, Kirishima, and a few strangers they had recruited at the bar playing drinking games as his focus was only on you. You scanned the area, waving shyly to a few people that recognized you as their favorite rising hero and sat in the corner of the room with your mystery man.
Kirishima glanced at Bakugou, recognizing that he was distracted by something else and looked towards what had caught his eye. He immediately understood the reason for the defeated look on his friend’s face.
“I’m sorry, man,” Kirishima stated simply.
“Sorry?” Bakugou scoffed. “For what? There’s nothing to be sorry about. We were never together.” The last part Bakugou muttered to himself as he finally tore his eyes away from you and down to his glass of water.
And it was true; you and Bakugou were never together back when you attended U.A. with him and the others. Matter of fact, you didn’t even know Bakugou liked you back then as he made it his mission that you never found out. Not only did he refuse to let himself be subjected to such vulnerable feelings like love and infatuation, you and your peers were constantly bombarded with hero work and dealing with the League of Villains to ever have the time for confessions. At the time, romantic relationships were trivial.
As things died down by the time class A graduated, Bakugou busied himself with his long-time goal of wanting to become the number one hero. He kept telling himself that it was time to grow up and forget about what he assumed to be a little crush but the more he kept shoving his feelings inside, the more intense they became.
That was why it felt like a punch to the gut to see you laughing with and leaning onto a man that wasn’t him.
“Hey, dunce face,” Bakugou grunted. Kaminari lifted his head and looked over at Bakugou with hazy eyes. “Get me the strongest drink here.”
“Dude, you really should slow down,” Kirishima urged, concerned as he watched Bakugou down shot after shot. “You’ve never drank before and this’ll probably mess you up fast.”
“I don’t give a fuck,” Bakugou said in a rush, out of breath from the abundance of liquids he furiously ingested. He held the next shot glass to his lips, preparing himself to throw it back along with the countless shots he had already done; he felt like he was going to be sick, to no one’s surprise. Bakugou slammed the shot glass down onto the table, still full of alcohol, and he slammed his head onto the table as well. His head was throbbing but he felt like he could float in the air if he really tried.
Kirishima chuckled at his friend, taking advantage of the situation and taking the shot glass away from Bakugou.
Kaminari swung his arm around Bakugou’s shoulders. “See, dude, now we’re having fun!” The last word was elongated as he let out a small hiccup.
“Get the fuck off of me, dunce face,” Bakugou mumbled with his head still on the table, causing his words to be muffled. Nevertheless, Kaminari knew exactly what his grouchy friend had said but ignored him.
For the first time that night, Kaminari looked around the room and noticed you sitting alone now in the corner of the bar. He shot up, waving his hand out at you. “Y/N!”
Bakugou’s eyes, which were once closed shut as the alcohol was rushing to his head all at once, shot wide open as he whipped his head up. He felt dizzy from how quick the motion was. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Come on, man, she’s sitting over there all alone,” Kaminari reasoned, turning his attention back to you. You also had finally noticed your old classmates, smiling at the sight. “Hang out with us, Y/N!”
“Alone?” Bakugou questioned softly. He looked over at you and felt a wave of relief wash over him as he carefully watched you make your way to their table, mystery man out of the picture.
“I didn’t know you guys were here tonight,” you said with a smile. You sounded level-headed and Bakugou determined that you were probably the most sober person in the room that night.
“Yeah, we come here a lot after our patrol shifts,” Sero commented.
“All of you?” You questioned, interested as you scanned each of the guys sitting at the table. Finally you locked eyes with Bakugou and he swore your gaze could’ve pierced right through him. He broke eye contact first as he felt his face burning up even more with the effects of the alcohol.
“We usually have to beg Katsuki to come out. You know how he is,” Kirishima teased, wanting to lighten the mood for his friend. It didn’t work as Bakugou still had a sour expression on his face.
“Wanna get a few drinks with us?” Kaminari offered.
You shook your head. “No, it’s alright. Tonight hasn’t gone the way I wanted so I think I’m going to call it a night. It was nice seeing you guys.”
You waved goodbye to the boys, sending a small smile towards Bakugou as you understood he was in a bad mood but not understanding why. Your back was turned to them as you walked towards the exit and it was a miracle how you didn’t have two vermillion holes in your back the way Bakugou was staring at you leaving.
Bakugou stood up abruptly and he grabbed his coat and wallet. He sloppily pulled out a few bills and slammed them on the table as he made his way out as well.
“Where are you going?” Kirishima questioned.
“Don’t worry about it.”
You cursed at yourself for leaving your jacket in your date’s car as the winter snow began to litter the streets. Your body was shivering terribly. The bar had a few tables and chairs in front of the building and you sat yourself down as you contemplated how on Earth you were going to get home.
Before you could come up with a game plan, you felt a heavy leather jacket plop down onto your shoulders. You jumped at the sudden contact, watching as a clearly drunk-but-pretending-to-be-sober Bakugou sat himself in the chair across from you. “Bakugou! What’re you doing here?”
Bakugou ignored your question as he bluntly asked, “Where’s that fucker you came in with?”
You were taken aback by his questions. Only a few minutes ago did you realize that Bakugou, Kirishima, Kaminari, and Sero were there in the bar with you that night. If he had seen you with your date, that meant Bakugou had seen you when you walked in.
You sighed, leaning back in your chair and pulling Bakugou’s jacket closer to you as it kept you warm. “He was being… weird.”
“Weird how.” It was a question but you sensed the animosity in Bakugou’s tone as his expression harshened in a way that made his question a statement.
You waved your hands to calm him down. Why was he so upset? “Nothing bad, don’t worry. He’s just some guy I started dating. We weren’t official or anything but I liked him. He said he didn’t like me being a hero and said I should get a job that’d suit me in a feminine way.” You chuckled humorlessly as you recalled the misogynistic comment.
“What a fucking loser,” Bakugou grumbled, loud enough for you to hear and laugh at. He leaned back in his chair, resting his eyes. “You told him to fuck off, right?”
You nodded, amused as you always were back in U.A. with Bakugou’s colorful vocabulary. “Yup. He got pissed and left me here and I left my stuff in his car like an idiot.”
Bakugou opened his eyes and reached into his front pocket, cursing at himself as his fingers kept missing the opening seam. He pulled out his car keys and tossed them onto the table. You furrowed your eyes at the sight in confusion.
“Take my car to get home.”
You widened your eyes at his insane proposition, looking at the insignia on his keys as an expensive brand. “Bakugou, your car’s worth like a hundred million yen! There’s no way I can drive that!”
“Just do it, idiot,” Bakugou groaned, placing his forehead on the cold, snow-covered table. “Can’t let you just sit here in the cold.”
A moment passed as you were contemplating your choices only to realize in that time, Bakugou had fallen asleep. You chuckled softly, never expecting to see health-conscious Bakugou who’s always been adamant about never drinking inebriated.
You grabbed his keys and put them in the pocket of his leather jacket, slipping the jacket onto your arms. You knew you couldn’t just take his car and leave him here like this so you got up and went over to his side, gently shaking his shoulders to wake him. “Come on, big guy. We’re going home”
Bakugou let out a groan as you got him to his feet, your arm around his shoulders and you wrapped his arm around your waist to support him, resting your hand on his hand. You felt his body stiffen in reaction and you looked up at him curiously. His face was red again and you assumed it was a combination of the alcohol and the frigidness in the air. It most definitely was not either of those things.
“Where’d you park your car?” You asked as you slowly helped him walk.
He nodded in the direction ahead of you and you assumed he was referring to the parking lot that was thankfully right next to the bar. The two of you continued walking towards the lot and you found it unusual how quiet Bakugou was.
Once reaching the lot, you were originally going to search for Bakugou’s car only to not have to put any effort at all since his bright red sports car stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the Subarus and Toyotas.
You laughed, shaking your head. “Why am I not surprised by this at all, Bakugou.”
Bakugou flinched and he slowly pulled away from you, shoving his hands in his pockets as he wobbly made his way to his car. “Stop calling me that.”
“What? You don’t want me to call you Bakugou?” You question, confused. “Oh! I get it. You want me to call you by your hero name, right, Dynamight?”
“That’s not it either, idiot.”
“Oh, then, Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight?”
“You’re so stupid.” Bakugou stopped right in front of his car and turned around, slowly so that he wouldn’t fall over. He had his signature frown on his face only this time it was out of frustration. “Back in U.A. you’d call me Katsuki.”
“Yeah, I guess I did,” you said, nodding your head as you recalled doing so. “But that was five years ago. I haven’t seen you since then and I just wanted to be polite.”
Bakugou kept quiet but his eyes never faltered or wavered as he kept them on you. You felt like he could burn right through you if he tried as you didn’t understand his frustrations. “Is everything okay, Ba– I mean, Katsuki.”
Bakugou’s eyes slightly widened for a moment and he felt like he was transported back to being a teenager. “No. Everything’s not okay ‘cause I still have this stupid crush on you that I’ve had since our first year in U.A.”
He let out a sigh, feeling a weight on his shoulders dissipate and he turned around back towards his car. You stood in place, shocked at the confession that you did not foresee at all. There was no way the Bakugou Katsuki had a crush on you, especially when you were just teenagers.
“Open the door.” Bakugou turned his head to you as he waited by the passenger door.
“Wait, wait, wait.” You waved your hands in front of you, still unable to wrap his words around your head. “This has to be a joke. There’s just no way– Why would you have a crush on me?”
Bakugou shrugged. “Dunno. Just happened.”
Your face felt hot and it wasn’t because of the weather. So much of your relationship with Bakugou made sense with this new realization. The reason for his cold shouldering you on numerous occasions or annoyed stares he’d give you when you got in a relationship in your second year all started to make sense. It was his way of conveying his feelings for you.
You shook your head, shaking the complex thoughts from your mind and snapping yourself back to reality as the cold air and Bakugou not having a jacket, since you were obviously wearing it, made you unlock his car with the key he gave you. You watched as Bakugou entered his car on the passenger side.
You knew you needed to give yourself a minute before you could enter the car beside him. How did you feel about him? You always thought he was handsome, when he wasn’t scowling at least, and you enjoyed seeing him mature every year in U.A. Even after graduation, you always watched the news fondly as you watched him evolve into an incredible hero, one that you knew was worthy of becoming number one.
So Bakugou Katsuki liked you. If your poor previous relationships taught you anything, it was to not turn down a good man when he was right in front of you. Or at least sitting in his sports car waiting for you to drive the two of you home since he was unexpectedly inebriated to do so himself.
Taking in a breath, you knew what you had to do; you wanted to see where this would go between the two of you. You opened the driver’s side door, sitting in your seat and collecting your thoughts briefly before turning to Bakugou to tell him exactly what was on your mind. You wanted to give it a shot.
And you were intent on doing just that until you turned to look at Bakugou only to see he was once again fast asleep, his chest rising and falling. You chuckled at the sight, taking in how adorable he was in that moment. Slipping his jacket off your body, you draped it over his body.
“Guess you’ll have to stay with me tonight.”
If you'd like to join my taglist, please join here!
Taglist (those who can’t be tagged here will be tagged in the comments):
@ahrinine @yahuwin @heroacademiafan @kirisclementine @happygalaxymilkshake @hookedinto-fictionalworlds @yaoyoroxu @cat181818meow @mirakeul @thatpeachybandgirl @shycoffeeparadise @iambashfulperson @sugacookiies @softiehawks @averitatsuyabnha @captaincyberqueen @corvid007 @kyluskaye @icy-hot @urmomsshousee @lmaobroccoli @anastar-legion @lowermoons @spectral-girl @mykuronekome @yourlocalsunfloweobsessedweeb @susu-chan @selfship-mishaps @nk-echi @ilovepizzaandimhot @life-is-not-daijobu @yoongiiyooo @runrabbitrun3 @dangerousluv1 @melodysakura @thooo0t @bibly @koiibin @anon-weeb-030 @magicshopowner @uglyratlmao @thathoneybee3 @yappychan @iheartfictionalboys @wisteria-and-nightshade @faeviii @soturoayami @moonlightaangel @creepyproxies @mhasimp666
#bakugou x reader#katsuki bakugo x reader#bakugo x you#bakugo x y/n#bakugo x reader#bakugou katsuki x reader#katsuki bakugou x reader#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#my hero academia imagines#bnha bakugou#katsuki bakugou#bakugou katsuki#mha bakugou#alcohol tw#tw alcohol
28 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi! I stumbled onto your blog after watching Se7en and I cannOT stop thinking abt it, it was incredible! :0 as a fellow David Fincher fan (I also loved gone girl) who hasn’t seen fight club or his other work, how do those movies work thematically in relation to the ones I do know? Just curious abt how he seems to have these huge dark threads of cynicism and critique of modern culture and stuff running through his work :)
hi!! sorry this took me a second to get to!! kind of a long post so i’ll put it under the cut! :))
yeah you are basically spot on, most Fincher’s films have darker themes and plot lines (with the exceptions being ‘mank’ and ‘the social network’, but i would argue these still have dark moments and undertones). you would also be right in saying that a lot of his films critique modern culture, with the most prominent examples being ‘fight club’ and ‘se7en’.
other themes in Fincher’s films are; strong female characters (both protagonist and antagonist) with Ellen Ripley in ‘alien 3’, Amy Dunne in ‘gone girl’ and Lisbeth Slander in ‘the girl with the dragon tattoo’.
obsession is another big theme in Fincher’s films most predominantly shown with the character of Robbert Graysmith in ‘zodiac’ and is obsession over the zodiac murders which leads his to have an estranged relationship with his wife and children, but also with Mark Zuckerberg in ‘the social network’ who’s obsession causes him to betray everyone and end up alone and other characters in his films. (i think ‘the game’ also deals with obsession but i haven’t seen it in a while)
flawed characters are also big in Fincher’s films even when we see from a characters perspective and are forced to align with them, they are almost never either wholly bad or good. for example David Mills in ‘se7en’, he is one of our protagonists and yet he isn’t necessarily a ‘good’ character. he is selfish which is shown by uprooting his and Tracy’s life and moving city’s which she is clearly struggling with, and moving 3? dogs into a small apartment. he is also an impulsive and easily angered character. yet we (as the audience) still empathise with him and accept him as our protagonist. and same goes for basically all his characters eg the narrator in ‘fight club’ and Nick Dunne in ‘gone girl’.
there is also probably SOOO many more that i just cant think of right now. (i also don’t know how well i explained that so i hope i answered your question!!). also i know you didn’t ask for this, but if you liked ‘gone girl’ and ‘se7en’ you would probably like ‘the girl with the dragon tattoo’! (which does have a rape scene in so be aware of that) it has a strong female lead, serial killer elements and is also a social critique in parts!! (it is kind of hard to fully understand the plot on the first watch but it’s SO good). as well as a lot of the crew that worked on ‘gone girl’ also worked on ‘the girl with the dragon tattoo’, including an AMAZING score by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross!! :)
#TY FOR THE ASK!#i hope i answers your question! but if i didn’t my inbox is open lmao!#i would obviously also recommend fight club!!#david fincher#se7en
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
day 2874838 without checking lqfiles page… im losing the will to live…
jokes aside, its kind of sad that i cant send as many messages as i want to :( i’ll try to be more of a consistent anon but school here in Chile is ass, i have a seminar (i think thats how u say it in english) about circular economy and the impact of humans on natural resources and allat + chemistry test + english presentation + spanish essay + biology test this week. now im not even joking when i aay that sometimes i could js sitting in class and suddenly start thinking like hmmm i wonder if lqfiles is still on that break you spoke about, it sounds weird but trust me it isnt my intention 😪
now are u still on that break? i really hope u are and in case u aren’t, u must be doing a great job so far. sending prayers and love, hoping that safety surrounds you and danger refrains from making its way towards you and your loved ones ! <3
i know its disappointing… but i’ve only been able to read two chapters of pay the price 😞😞 IM REALLY SORRY but i still liked those two! sometimes i will read someone texting “istg” and instantly think of score that goal and it immediately makes me open your page and boom you’ve published six more chapters 🤣🤣🙏🏻 not funny, did not laugh, i’m aching to read them but if i open tumblr i will NOT close it and i can’t risk my grades since i really need the NEM rn (notas enseñanza media = high school grades i think) which basically determines whether i will get to the university i want or not based off the grades i’m currently getting 😟
HOWEVER i already had the two weeks filled w exams that i needed for this trimester so i can finally take a break !! i’ll make sure to read ptp and send as many messages as i can ! :D
p.d: whenever i get notis from your page i still get as happy as the first time i got them 🫶🏻🫶🏻 sending lots of love your way
- 🐣 anon, i almost forgot to put it lolz
IM TEARING UP OMG I MISSED SEEING YOU IB MY INBOX 😭😭😭😭 you’re still as cute as ever omg..
please don’t feel bad for not being active !!! i always encourage all of you to put your own personal life and everything else before my blog because i don’t want me or my work to be the thing holding you back from your full focus 😣 it seems like you’re in a stressful position tho :(( please take care and take enough breaks !!!! that sounds like a boring topic tbh lmao but i’m sure you’ll do well in all of those, i’ll be personally cheering you on i swear!! YOU’LL ACE THIS WEEKS TESTS AND THE UPCOMING ONES TOO‼️🔥
i truly don’t find it weird i find it sooo cute honestly like i never imagined ppl would think about me and my blog throughout their day other than when i post but to answer your question, i’m not </3 i did have the day off on monday tho so that was nice because that meant i had 4 days off in total (the weekend + monday and tuesday) so that made me happy :D you’re always so sweet i genuinely hope nothing but good fortune for you too i will personally pray for it :( <3
AGAIN, DONT FEEL BAD LMAOO put your own personal life first because that’s something i would do too, i’m currently not writing much either lol all these are chaps i managed to make in like a few days and had on my drafts lolll. DONT EGEN THINK OF PUTTING THIS FIRST WHEN THESE GRADES MATTER SO MUCH PLS.. i’d feel so guilty if you didn’t pass
THE IMPACT stg had, the way i always think of stg too whenever i type istg 😭😭😭😭 i’m happy you liked the two chaps tho and i hope that you’ll like the rest too when you have time :) i’m serious when i tell you i was literally thinking about you today or yesterday like i was thinking about your previous messages and was like “i hope they’re doing well..” i’m glad to see you again and and to know you still have my notifs on :) take care my love again i hope you sleep peacefully and i hope you eat well and gozar of good health!!!
0 notes
Note
New au idea (it's a little au of au.) After the kavado fiasco palpapunk gets Rex transferred to the corasant guard with the excuse that he would to unstable to be on the front lines in an attempt to make Anakin more reliant in him.
Sorry if spelled something wrong.
Yessss.
There is nothing wrong with an AU of an AU, half my Corrie Guard works are different endings post following Hound letting the information out, lmao. And don't worry about the spellings, sometimes I get things so wrong the spell checkers can't work it out.
I'd also like to clarify in advance that some of the opinions Fox has on characters or their actions will be how he perceives them etc and some of his thoughts or opinions on a character may counter what we from an outside perceptive know.
---
The news was crushing. Firstly that Rex'ika had been taken by those Zygerrian slave taking monsters, and then a ruling that his actions on the mission had been reckless so soon after the mess on Umbara and between that and his injuries he was being redeployed.
To Coruscant.
To the Guard.
Part of Fox would almost have preferred he be sent back to Kamino, almost, but not quite.
Rex'ika was coming to the Guard, his vod'ika, the little brother they'd taken into their batch so so many years ago.
He was coming to the Guard.
Fox was terrified, but he wasn't sure if it was because Rex was going to be in danger, or because he was going to learn the truth.
And then Rex would tell Cody and Wolffe and Bly and Ponds and the truth would come out and everything would get out and there would be chaos. The Guard wouldn't just be cowardly paper pushing meat droids, they'd be the weak cowardly paper pushing meat droids who couldn't defend themselves from some rich Senator who'd never held a blaster or thrown a punch.
Like being spat on and insulted wasn't enough already.
Vode an, except when you were in the Guard.
There was more to it, to Rex's joining them, he was certain of it. Rex'ika worked with Skywalker, Skywalker was close with Palpatine, Palpatine was... Fox wasn't sure what but he didn't want him near his brothers. Palpatine was the reason Skywalker hadn't been on Umbara, the reason that Krell had been allowed to play with the clones like toys, the reason so many of Rex's vode were dead... the reason for a lot of things.
Skywalker was the reason Rex was being transferred to them, at least the reason Palpatine was having him transferred. He wasn't certain why, but with how close Skywalker was to Palpatine, how he acted around them sometimes, especially after a meeting with Palpatine, that Jedi wasn't to be trusted. He was dangerous, saw himself above them whether he realised it or not, and he could have them killed if he wanted.
It they'd been sending Rex almost anywhere else, he'd have been glad his brother was getting away from Skywalker.
Getting closer to Palpatine was hardly something he wanted though.
.
.
.
Fox watched the LAAT arrive, and watched his vod’s so clearly unique blue armour appear.
He stayed to the edge of the landing pad until the LAAT had taken off again, and Captain Velt, who lead one of the Lower Level Security Teams and would be, hopefully, looking after Rex and keeping him out of the Senate Building, had introduced himself.
And then he strode over.
Velt knew what he had planned, and had in fact anticipated it, but it wasn’t often one of their vode was brought into the Guard rather than bringing in Shinies, and he knew well enough that Fox was going to be protective of his batch-mate, adopted or not. Velt stepped back as he approached, nodding to Rex and then going to his own squad.
“Rex’ika, with me.”
“What, Fox, where… shouldn’t I...?”
Rex gestured to Velt and his squad.
“No,” Fox grabbed him by the wrist and started pulling, not letting Rex resist, “you come with me, right now.”
He dragged his brother through the halls into the Command barracks, thankful that for all he was clearly annoyed about it, Rex didn’t fight him.
“What was so important, Fox? If you really wanted to catch up you couldn’t wait until I'd settled in?”
He had a meeting in 20 minutes he couldn’t miss, which meant he had no time to address the subtle barb he’d been offered, nor to sugar coat what was happening on Coruscant.
"Vod, you have a lot to learn about the Guard if you're going to survive here."
“Fox, I'm sure General Skywalker will try to get me back to the 501st soon. And I can manage a few weeks handling paperwork.”
“No, no, vod, it’s not paperwork and fun times here. Rex, it’s horrific, and I'm not letting them decommission you because you didn’t know how to protect yourself here.”
“It’ll be a few weeks...”
“Palpatine had you transferred here for a reason, I don’t know what, but I don’t trust Skywalker much better. He’s dangerous, vod.”
“I think I know my General better than you.”
“So you’ve never noticed how he acts after a meeting with the Chancellor, because last time he had one he shoved a shinie into a wall. He's dangerous, maybe not to you when he’s in a good mood, but... but that’s not what you need to know. You're here, you need to survive here. Besides, no-one leaves the Guard except in a body bag,” he left out the or worse, Rex didn’t need that yet, “Rule one...”
“Fox wait...”
“Rule one, you don’t ever, and I mean ever, fight back. Rule two, keep your armour uniform, so if you’re ever accused of anything or slated for reconditioning or decommissioning you can be swapped around. Rule three, no matter how weird or demeaning, you do what you’re ordered. Rule 4, if they call you it or clone or anything like that, don’t argue or try to impress on them your name or anything like that, just do what they say. Don’t react. Now I'm trying to get you put into one of the units that takes patrols rather than on Senate Security, but I can't make promises.”
Rex looked blown away, and a little shattered, but this was reality and he couldn’t afford to be soft on his little brother.
Not if he wanted Rex to live.
His comm buzzed a warning.
“Look, Rex’ika, I have a meeting, but the rec room and commissary are down the hall to the right, I’m sure someone can help you settle in and... I'll answer any questions you have properly tonight.”
He wondered if his voice sounded as defeated to his vod’ika as it did to him.
It didn’t matter, he slammed his buy’ce on his head and headed up to the Senate Building.
He couldn’t keep the Chancellor waiting, not even for his youngest batch mate.
———
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed.
Thanks for the ask, I love the idea for this AU though I’m not sure yet how or if I’ll continue from here. If anyone has ideas or wants to take it on or anything like that go nuts (obvs let me know lmao).
Like I said at the top, Anakin is nice to the 501st, but all Fox sees is someone close to Palpatine and someone who is always aggressive to them after spending time with Palpatine. He sees Skywalker as a threat and he has to focus on his siblings first. Similarly the vode don't hate the Guard and wouldn't see them as cowards, but due to Palpatine's manipulations, on both Fox's mind and the vode as a whole, these are Fox's beliefs.
Also Anakin is kinda unstable due to palpatine manipulating things, and similarly that why the Jedi can't see whats happening to the clones on Coruscant, but normally (and if/when they find out) they'd be horrified and do what they can to help.
Inbox always open. (-:
#star wars#my corrie guard au#corrie guard#rex joins the corrie guard au#au of my corrie guard au#coruscant guard#commander fox#captain rex#oc clone velt#star wars fanfiction#ask response#prompt response
93 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi!! i've never done this before, can i request something about birthday with peter? it's my birthday tomorrow and my cousin cancel her plans to go to my house and i'm so sad rn :(( thank u so much!!
✧･ﾟ: *✧ *:･ﾟ Clearing out my inbox: peter parker *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
A/N: Happy birthday dear July babe!!! ahhh
Warnings: this is shit lmao
WC: 0.8k
Masterlist
Being the baby of the avengers along with your boyfriend came with it’s perks and cons.
Perks being you they were always compliant to your requests, never questioned your shenanigans and were always understanding of your problems. There were cons too, but the perks overpowered them.
You were coddled to the point where you wouldn't hesitate to call yourself a spoilt brat. You wanted a Gucci belt to spite Flash Thomspon? Just ask and you got it. Wanted a reservation in that expensive ass Italian restaurant to celebrate your anniversary with Peter? You didn’t even have to ask.
You loved the constant attention, and when you didn’t get any? You locked yourself in your room with a pout and the room blacked out. Literally.
A little dramatic, but that’s what you get for being raised in a rich household.
It was your birthday today, so you were hoping for a “surprise” visit from the avengers at midnight, maybe cuddles and a kiss or two from your boyfriend, but it was nearly afternoon and none of them had come to even greet you in the morning. The absence of any of your family left a sour taste in your mouth, emotions bubbling in your throat in a way that made you clench your jaw, clutching the pink teddy bear Peter had got for you to your chest, trying not to sob.
It was partially your fault though. You had locked yourself in your room, asking FRIDAY to not let anyone in your room due to the fight you had the day before. You had shouted at Tony and Steve for letting Peter get injured during the mission. It wasn’t their fault, and you felt guilty at yelling for them, but that didn’t condone them to forgetting your birthday altogether! Besides, you had apologized, didn't you?
Sniffing, you buried your head in the soft plush, sniffing the smell of Peter’s detergent that came from the teddy. You always washed it at May’s, so it always smelled like him.
“FRIDAY?” You ask softly, “where’s everybody?”
“The team is currently residing on the common floor, should I ask for anyone’s assistance?”
Nodding, you wiped the snot from the back of your hand, “Can you call Peter?”
"Affirmative mini boss." She answered.
"Thanks FRI." You smiled. You could always count on her to make you smile. You had quite a lot of memories with the AI, having met her during the downfall of JARVIS.
~~~
"Hey FRI, is she okay?" Tony asked, fidgeting with his hands as he looked around.
"Miss Stark is asking for Mister Parker." She replied, making Tony raise an eyebrow at Peter, who blushed when he saw Tony staring at him, the ornament falling from his grip.
"Has she initiated blackout?" Peter asked, cursing when FRIDAY confirmed.
"Go get her kid, we'll do the rest of the decorations." Bucky said, nudging him to fall off the stool. Nodding, Peter walked towards your room, checking on Steve's cake on his way.
"No funny business though!" Tony shouts, rolling his eyes when Peter shrugged with a smirk.
Sighing, Peter gave his fingerprint, the door opening with a click. He heard you stifle a sniffle, the dark room taking a moment to adjust as he saw your hunched figure.
Grimacing, he sat next to You, silently wrapping his hands around your shoulder as you flopped on him.
"Hey," he said softly, rubbing your shoulders.
"Hey yourself!" You huffed, pushing him away. Pursing his lips, he thought you closer to him, pecking your lips softly as your hand threaded through his hair. Stifling a moan, he let go of your face, tracing your face with his thumb.
"Shh, I'm sorry okay? How about I make it up?" He smirks, shifting you so you were on his lap.
"Birthday sex doesn't sound so bad." You said, nodding your head in a mocking way.
Laughing, he booped your nose and kissed it softly, "yeah maybe later. Come on, I've got something for you."
"Is it a surprise birthday party?" You asked innocently, "come on I've seen enough movies!"
Stopping in his tracks, he looked at you with wide eyes,"well is there any use in denying?"
"Not really."
Smiling, you gripped his biceps as you trudged out of the room, the sudden lights blinding as everyone shouted "Happy birthday!" On top of their lungs in chorus.
"Thank you guys." You laughed, kissing your dad on his cheeks and hugging everyone in the room.
"Happy birthday kiddo." Tony smiled, ruffling your hair with a fond expression.
"Thanks dad." You smiled, hugging him especially tight.
"Alright I'll leave you now, Parker's been dirty eyeing me all night."
Snickering, you wink at Peter as he rolls his eyes fondly, wrapping his arms around your neck, other around your waist.
"Are you still up for birthday sex?" He asks with a smirk, snickering when you punch his shoulder.
A/N: sorry I kinda half assed this T_T
#peter parker x reader#peter parker x stark!reader#peter parker smut#peterparkerblurb#spideygirl writes
106 notes
·
View notes
Note
That dream angst fuckin wrecked my heart..any chance for a part 2 with comfort(im not the og requester so if not thats fine its just OUGH my heart)
So both you and the og requester asked for a part 2, which means I'm definitely gonna do it! (I'd do it even if the og didn't ask so lmao) I HAD TO REWRITE THIS 12 GOD DAMN TIMES BECAUSE TUMBLR IS SHIT AT SAVING THINGS
I'm honestly so glad people enjoy my writings! Feel free to request more! My inbox is open and I have no requests lined up yet!
Once again. This is a completely fictitious story and version of Clay.
TW: Panic attacks, self deprecating thoughts,
Part one
Found (Outside The Screen) (Dream x GN! Reader) Part 2
"(Y/n)!"
His voice echoed through the house as you scrambled around corners to escape the possible wrath of your boyfriend. Or maybe even soon to be ex boyfriend.
Despite living in this house with him for a little over two years, it was beginning to feel like a maze. You couldn't tell which way was left and which way was right, your head spinning with panic as you gasped for breath.
He's gonna find you...
The house wasn't even that big, and quite an open concept, so you had no idea why you were finding it so confusing. All you knew at the moment was...
Get out.
Once your eyes landed on the door that lead out, you made a beeline towards it and flung it open. Maybe you should've known better than to attempt to run from the manhunt god...
The footsteps pounding against the floor not too far behind you startled you enough to jump outside and slam the door behind you in hopes of giving yourself enough time to run farther.
There were plenty of things failing to register in your mind as you ran down the empty sidewalks. Such as the poor choice (or lack) of shoes you were wearing, or even the heavy night rain pelting down on your shaking body.
Your lungs were burning.. But your brain had thrown itself so far into fight or flight mode that you had no care for anything around you, hardly blinking twice as the signs of unfamiliar street names flew past you.
Eventually, when you physically couldn't breathe any longer, you sat on a bench and took awhile to think. The consistent rain pelting down on your head was actually a decent grounder to help you snap yourself out of it... But that only caused more confusion and another wave of panic to wash over you.
Where... were you?
Doesn't matter. Don't go back.
Oh God... He hates you..
Why wouldn't he..?
He was too embarrassed to show you to his chat!
What did you do that was so embarrassing?
God.. What was so wrong with you that he stayed in his streaming room for days on end!?
Pulling your knees up to your chest, you choked back a few sobs, trying your best to keep what was left of your composure. Very quickly, however, you gave up on trying to hold yourself together and broke down, hiding your face in your knees.
Time seemed to pass by way too quickly but also way too slowly at the same time.. Like time itself was giving you the one finger salute. When you finally stopped crying, you leaned back against the back of the bench and gave a shaky sigh before you decided to attempt to think rationally again.
You had no clue where you were. Nothing looked familiar. What time is it? No clue, you don't have your... Your phone!
You quickly scrambled to your pocket to pull out the cellular device, and stared at the black screen for a few seconds. Anxiety was the reason for your hesitance as you stared into your reflection, frowning slightly. Without thinking twice, you pressed the button and the screen lit up with various arrays of colours.
78 Missed calls from Clay💚
2 Missed calls from George👓🇬🇧
7 Missed calls from Sapnap🔥
Was... He so mad that his friends were trying to yell at you too? You tilted your head slightly and scrolled through the other notifications on your lockscreen.
Twitter seemed to be losing their minds over your boyfriend's stream and wondering who the stranger was. Seeing the headlines flooded you with immeasurable guilt and you almost put your phone down again, if your phone didn't start buzzing.
You glanced down at the screen and say Clay was making call number 79... Man, he was persistent.. and he would probably continue to call until you answered...
Your finger hovered over the decline button, before slowly moving over and landing on the green one instead. "...Hello...?"
"(Y/n)...?" Had... He been crying...? "Oh my god! You're alive!" He gasped out with glee before giving a few sobs of... relief...?
"...You... Aren't... Mad?" You whispered very softly and hesitantly, your voice scratchy and sore from crying.
He sighed and there was a little bit of shuffling as well as a few male voices in the background. "No. Not in the slightest... Where are you? I want to apologize in person.. And when it doesn't sound like you're in a hurricane.."
You lifted your head up to look at the rain that was continuing to pelt down on you before looking around. "..I'm not sure.." You heard your partner echo your statement in question form as you looked for street signs through the rain. Glancing back at your phone, you saw the screen light up again, this time it was a warning label.
Your battery was almost dead...
"C-Clay.. My phone is going to die.." You murmured softly, your heart filling with dread as you turned down your brightness and closed any unnecessary apps.
There was a little bit of clattering and shuffling on the line as Clay hurriedly walked from the windows to the door, trying to see you from the home. "G-give me landmarks! Hurry!" He practically begged as you shot up from your bench, ignoring the burning soreness in your legs.
Spinning around quickly, you began listing off a few company buildings you saw, trying to shout over the rain and a few cars driving by. "Yeah-yeah! There's also that little sushi place beside the restaurant too.."
You heard the furious typing of his computer before another almost sob of relief. "You're on Rosewood Avenue... How the hell did you run that far? Okay, you're going to walk in the opposite direction of the sushi place until you reach a road called Miller Road, got that?" He waited for a verbal noise of agreement before continuing, "Once you get there, turn left and keep walking straight until you get to a steakhouse. I'll meet you half way, if you don't see me there, don't move unless you have to. Got it?" He asked firmly, with a small hint of desperation in his tone.
You rubbed your face as you mentally repeated the directions to yourself. "Yeah.. Yeah.. I got it." You began to walk along the sidewalks, your shoulders beginning to tremble from the water induced shivers trailing up and down your spine.
"..(Y/n)?"
"Yeah?"
"I lov-"
Your phone died..
Pulling the device away from your head, you pressed the buttons a few times before groaning and shoving it into your pockets as you began to walk.
Your mind was blurry but also hyper aware along the walk to the road where Clay told you to go. 'What was he going to say? If... He doesn't hate me... was he going to say- No.. no. He hadn't said that line in over a few months now.. No reason why he would say it now..' You mentally scolded yourself.
The rain didn't seem to be too keen on letting up as you walked through large rippling puddles. Your clothes were soaked, your hair completely drenched and you were pretty sure you were gonna need to buy a new phone with how much your current one was getting waterlogged..
You rose your arm to shield your face from the onslaught of water that a car had caused by driving through a large puddle before running your hand down your face.
Part of you was still a bit.. angry... at Clay... He had ignored you for so long and wanted nothing to do with you.. Then suddenly you spill hot coffee on yourself and then boom, you have the man more focused than when he has a good speed run seed. What about all those times you were begging him to come to bed, or at least eat dinner at the table with you? Did you only matter when you were in pain?
Biting your lip, you shook off the thought as you looked up again to see the steakhouse that you were directed to go to, the signs glowingly and people shuffling in and out through the doors...
Then there was another man, standing under a large black umbrella wearing a damp lime green hoodie...
Only you'd recognize that face anywhere where others wouldn't.. Standing in the street lights perfectly was your boyfriend, Clay.
Your heart trembled but also melted slightly upon seeing that he wasn't paying attention to his screen anymore. You. He was focused on finding you...
As you began to walk closer, you saw him lift his head and stare at you for a few seconds before dropping the umbrella and lunge forward to wrap you in a loving embrace. "I'm sorry.." Was the first thing he whispered, his voice almost as hoarse as yours. "I know.. that a simple apology will never excuse what I put you through... You cared for me, and even after a stupidly ignored you... You still didn't leave, or get angry. I don't deserve you, I know that, and you have every right to be upset, angry or whatever you're feeling right now.. Please, it doesn't matter how long it takes... Just let me make it up to you and let me prove myself worthy of your love again.."
Your lips parted in surprise as you stared at him, the streetlight poorly capturing his normal beauty, but still doing it well enough that you felt your heart soar. "Clay..." Your eyes traced his features, his puffy and reddened eyes and his cheeks stained with tear tracks, "You have a lot to work and make up for... I'm not going to forgive you immediately, but I'm not going to leave you.. We can work things out.. Together, okay?"
He eagerly nodded and gently held your face in his hands before pressing a light kiss to your forehead. "I'll break away from video editing and streaming for a while.. So I can focus on repairing things with you.."
You buried your face into the male's sweater, that was beginning to become soaked as well from the rain and you, and closed your eyes as you wrapped your arms around him.
"(Y/n)?"
"Mm..?"
"I love you."
"I love you too, Clay."
#dreamwastaken#mcyt x reader#dreamwastaken x reader#dream smp#x reader#reader insert#dreamwastaken x you#mcyt
128 notes
·
View notes
Note
I saw comfort requests! Can I please get Wataru Hibiki comforting his s/o who confesses that they feel super insecure about themselves and hide behind a dramatic mask, and prioritizing other people happiness before their own? (Ngl he probably already knew and was just waiting until his s/o said something lmao) Thanks!😅
what's under the mask
Genre: comfort
A Wataru hibiki x reader
a/n: this request has been in my inbox for a long time so it's time to finally do this! Hope I didn't make you wait too long anon! Let's get started!
We all know that Wataru is very... Flamboyant.
And when he saw how flamboyant you are, he immediately fell in love with you.
You became a power couple.
Like seriously, everyone wanted your relationship.
Wataru wasn't scared to show his affections in front of a big audience and he thought you were comfortable with it too. You said it yourself after all.
But at a second glance, he noticed that you seemed tense when he would hug or flirt with you in public.
"darling, I have a question for you~" he asked one day. You were alone in a practice room together because he wanted you to see his latest "amazing" masterpiece.
"what is it?" you asked, pausing his music and turning to look at him.
"you don't like me flirting with you in public, right?" he asked, catching you off guard. You faked a smile.
"no. why would you think that?"
"because you can't lie to me." Wataru's tone suddenly turned serious. "tell me, why aren't you being honest?"
"because I don't really mind. And besides, you're happy. That's enough to make me happy." you answered half-honestly. Making him happy is the least you could do.
"stop that."
"stop what?"
"lying! Just tell me the truth, darling. I won't get mad." wataru raised his voice slightly in annoyance.
You took a deep breath before you decided to let your feelings out. How being as flamboyant as he usually makes him happy and how that's what he always deserves to be. To be happy. You didn't want him to carry your problems. How you felt like a burden standing next to him.
By the end of your rant, Wataru's expression was filled with sadness and anger. He was angry at himself. Why didn't he catch this sooner?
He pulled you into his chest and let you sob into his uniform. This was the first time he's ever seen you cry.
"remember, (y/n), you don't have to force yourself to be someone you're not for my or anyone else's sake. I love you for who you are," he whispered in your ear, a huge contrast to his usual loud and joking persona.
"I love you too." you sniffled, letting your boyfriend hold you for a little while longer.
That is all! Hope you guys enjoy this! Requests are open so please don't be shy to leave anything in my inbox! Love you guys ❤️💖💕
General taglist (don’t be shy to comment your tumblr @ below): @tokyoghoose @macaronnv @reogou @midnightangelfox @wumboho @seiijixcia
#ensemble stars#enstars#ensemble stars x reader#enstars x reader#wataru hibiki#wataru#wataru hibiki x reader#kaki writes
69 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi Ink!
So I have a couple questions-advice-thingies I want to ask you, if that's okay.
You said you were under 17, right? So I'm assuming you're still at school. How do you balance your blog with your schoolwork, if you have any? I also have an amrev blog and I've been struggling a lot with it. I get distracted by tumblr a lot and I have too much overdue work. I'm wondering how you get it done.
And you write fanfiction too, right? How do you find the time to have a (really funny, may I add) blog, do your schoolwork, and write great fics like that????? like I'm seriously wondering how you manage??
and if you don't go to school and/or you also have hw problems, then lmao ignore this
Hey anon!
Yeah, I‘m always open for questions! I won’t respond if it’s too personal, but my inbox is always open!
Yeah, I’m under the age of seventeen, and dragging myself through high school (ugh). I do have a lot of schoolwork! For the past few weeks, I’ve been on holiday, so I’ve been more active. When school restarts in the next few days I probably won’t be online as much.
Ahhh yes the ol’ I get distracted by tumblr. My tip for this is — make your friends your alarm. I’ll say on the server “yall if you see me online in the next one hour bonk me on the head i need to study.” This way, if they see me on tumblr or discord they’re like INK GO THE FUCK BACK TO YOUR TEXTBOOK.
Another tip is to take away your devices while studying. Take your ipad or phone or laptop and put it away in a corner of your room. What I do is I set a timer for one hour, and I keep that tab open, while I walk up and down in my room and study. The times reminds me “hey you go to another tab youre being unproductive” and the deadline pressures me into studying.
Another tip for not getting distracted is to not follow too many people! The less chaotic your dash is, the less you’ll want to check it. Try to limit your follows to people whose content you think is something you’ll want to see 99% of the time. My rule is, you look at someone’s blog, at least half of their listed fandoms you have to be in, and the 5 most recent posts on their blog have to be something you’d like to see. I often go through my followers and unfollow some people, and I’m also not joining any more discord servers—two is enough for me.
So yeah, set limits for yourself!
See anon the answer is I have no friends-
No actually it’s quarantine and it’s currently holidays, so I have the time to do all I want. Back in April when I was still in online school, I would generally do homework during class, so I would finish all my homework and classwork in the first part of the day when the teachers were rambling about nonsense (I multitask aight lmaoo) and by the second half of the day I could chat on discord and check tumblr, then after school I’d study for a few hours, then check social media, etc. Most of my fic writing is done on the weekends or a spare half an hour on weekdays. I’m churning out fics pretty fast now cuz holidays, but during school I’d write maybe 1-2k words every weekend.
Okay this was very long lmao, but I hope you find it helpful!
(And yes even though I don’t listen in class I still pass, the teachers are shit and they can’t teach, I’ve learned more from the textbook than their incoherent rambling. My teacher once taught us an entire concept, then told us “lol i was wrong” and didn’t reteach it, so i just don’t listen to them any more and learn from the textbooks, khan academy and crash course)
14 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hey, thank you for the post about characters with one eye! If you’re still comfortable answering questions, I was wondering about when you stopped outgrowing prosthetics. Your post said you got your current prosthetic at 13/14, but how old were you when you noticed you needed a larger size? Did you get it right when you realized you needed it? Before you got your current eye, how noticeable to you was it that you needed a larger one? Was it still comfortable, or did it cause problems?
A character of mine lost his left eye to unilateral glaucoma (Chandler’s syndrome) when he was 18. He’s 21 when the book starts and I’m wondering if his prosthetic would still fit correctly. My assumption has been that it wouldn’t be a comfortable fit, partly because I assumed his head was still growing. (If nothing else, it’s a low-technology setting and glassblowers didn’t have much experience making prosthetics, so it’s probably not a perfect fit.)
On a related note, you clarified that your eye is plastic, not glass. What are some reasons you use plastic instead of glass? If you decided to use glass instead, what would change?
Thank you again for sharing your experiences, it really helps a lot! Details like not wanting to walk with someone on your right or producing more tears on your left are really helpful.
i’m so so happy my post was able to help and thanks @anothersolarpunk for the questions!! i’m always open to answering questions, and these are some really good ones!!
kind of ironic because i just saw my ocularist (the person that makes my prosthetics) today! incase this is helpful (despite your setting and characters situation being different) most people see their ocularist once a year! this year was a check up and polish (he fully cleans and polishes the prosthetic then makes sure my socket n everything looks good) the appointment is also to see if i’m in need of a new prosthetic!
*insert awesome segway into your questions*
i didn’t get my first prosthetic when i was around one (my eye was removed 30 days after birth, and the socket was left empty and covered with patches as it healed). since then i’ve gone through maybe four or five prosthetics?
when your head grows, as does your eye socket, and it’s mostly noticeable in the inner corner by your tear duct when looking closely at the fake eye. physically, it’s actually not too noticeable. i never realized why i needed a new one until my ocularist told me it was necessary because it was getting to be too small. but for your character it might be more noticeable since your mc is older, but not incredibly noticeable? your body stops growing at a certain point and that point is around your early twenties, so it would make sense if it fit better!
it’s also possible to have extensions for prosthetics. my current prosthetic has a small flesh-colored extension on the side near my tear duct that filled in some space where you could see into my socket when looking from a certain direction. this was an easy fix since the prosthetic was relatively new! and it would be easier to add that if your mc’s eye is made of glass!
plastic or something of that sort is typically preferred over glass because humans are clumsy as heck and glass is just as breakable. as well as being for safety, plastic is apparently easier to work with when molding and painting! glass is probable, especially in certain settings, but plastic is a better option if provided.
i was a dumb child, so i would constantly take my prosthetic out, throw it around, play with it, and even chew on it (gross, i know) and plastic was a better option over glass for those exact reasons. even now i’m still clumsy and won’t say i haven’t dropped my prosthetic before lmao
i truly hope this helps and sorry if it took a while to respond! my inbox notifs are broken and i need to work on checking them more regularly!! thanks for the ask !!! :)
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
Marks | Barbatos
Request: This is a gift because im in love with this demon butler send help
Word Count: 962
Page Count: 2.8 pages
A.N. This is a gift for @mammonspeanut they got me loving his demon butler through their MeanTalk AU. You like angst? Go check the blog out! I hope you like this!
Also- take a shot every time you see “hand(s)” “gloved hand” and “lipstick” You’ll be on the floor half way through lmao
Also there is like one more post i have planned with Solomon, and then im getting back to the angst requests and opening my inbox for requests and a smut prompt list! Expect that within this week!
It was a long day, not much different than all the others, but Barbatos knew that once he dropped this report to you that the day will finally allow him to relax. Though he finished the task, he still hadn't known how you managed to get him into this position, though he was tired and very, very fond of you- so there was some explanation.
"What color?" You mused, pulling out the new makeup bag you had bought, filled with new lip sticks. Asmodeus had taken you out for the day, deciding to go to makeup and self care stores, which you enjoyed immensely. You had the butler sit on your bed, his back against the wall, bent over just a bit to look at the flourish of new colors.
"Hmm. Maybe... Teal? Or ultramarine?" He mused, a hand coming to pick out the colors while moving others to the side, you only could chuckle at his choice of colors. You placed your forehead on his, knocking him gently before he did the same, still looking for colors that matched his usual attire.
"And what's so amusing about that?" He questioned, looking up to you, feeling you pull the new bag to the side.
"Nothing, nothing, now relax- you overgrown bat." You shook your head, gently pushing him back to the wall, uncapping the 'ultramarine' lipstick before applying it on your lips.
"And I'm only supposed to judge what it looks like when applied?" He asked, now caressing your thighs as he eyed your lips, hiding the yearning behind his eyes. Smiling, you pressed your lips together and put the lipstick to the side, looking to Barbatos with an expectant look. His hands moved up, grabbing them, you rested his right one on your thigh above your knee, both of your hands now on his left. Pulling the soft ivory glove from him, you saw the olive green nails he rarely showed, feeling the calloused skin of his palm.
"Hm. I think I like this color on you better, here, take a look." You brought his hand up, lips kissing each knuckle softly, before placing a longer and more solid kiss to the center. His breath hitched just a bit, the sound drowned out with each kiss, a flush started to grow on his cheeks, the tips of his ears almost matched the prince's hair.
Finding the discarded lipstick, you moved it near you for when you were to reapply it, moving to leave more marks on the palm of his hand, staring with each fingertip and moving down, leaving another large kiss in the center. You felt the roughness peak near the joint of his first and second phalanges, the base of his thumb, and just where his palm curves. The skin felt rough against the plush of your lips, but you didn't mind, you loved the hands that held you, caressed you, took care of not only the Devildom, but you as well.
"Don't you agree?" You smiled, releasing your grip and allowing the demon to pull his hand away from the warmth of your own, going to apply more of the lipstick as he stared at his palm in alight awe. Kiss marks, large and small, some more pigmented than others littered his skin, a smile rose to his face softly before looking at you. Bringing a hand to your cheek, he felt his heart burst as you leaned into him, eyes closed and a soft sigh left you while capping the lipstick.
"I do. It's beautiful, just as you are. But, then again, nothing could ever really compare to you." He spoke softly, bringing your lips to his, drawing you out for a long and deep kiss. Tilting his head slightly, holding your head in his palm as gently as he could, pleasantly surprised when he felt your tongue on his lower lip.
Humming in delight, he opened his lips to you, your tongue slipping through quickly. He let his marked hand rest on your lower back, not wanting to smear any of the marks, the other moving down to hold the back of your neck, bringing you closer to him, deeper into the kiss. Relaxed he allowed you to take the lead, enjoying every moment, before he found himself following your lips as they left his own. Moving to the side of his mouth, you let the demon butler pant for air, popping the lipstick and applying more.
"[ Y/n ]?" He questioned, finally finding his voice, hearing the soft pop of the cap once again. Deciding not to answer, you moved to cup his face, leaving long kisses. Starting at his forehead, Barbatos closed his eyes and found himself indulging in your intimacy, your attention, your love. You traced down his nose, kissing over his eyelids, and cheekbones.
Once you finished on his face, you made your way down to his neck, his gloved hand now in your hair, nipping and sucking while trying to leave marks. The low purr that left his body was unintentional, but fueled you further, becoming more vigorous with your actions. He found himself gripping and kneading at your body, wanting more contact, needing more of your attention that you were spoiling him with- loving the warmth that bloomed on his skin from your lips and teeth, the feeling of new marks being placed on his person.
Which mark at this point? You had no clue.
Lipstick, hickies, all the same.
But he was wrong, because when you were finished, looking at the teal and red marks over his flushed skin, you knew, he was something that was truly beautiful. Clear or marked up, you enjoyed having him relax and melt in your hands, after all, he had such a long day.
#x reader#reader insert#obey me x reader#obey me imagines#obey me x you#obey me#Obey me barbatos#obey me barbatos x reader#obey me barbatos x mc#barbatos x reader#om barbatos#om barbatos x reader
274 notes
·
View notes
Note
Your writing is so fluffy and heartwarming. I don't know how you're with requests but if you ever have time, maybe you can tell how pillow talk with yoongi would be? Maybe after a nap or something and being super fluffy but in deep conversation with each other. Thank you so much for everything!!!
pairing: yoongi x reader
warnings/genre: so much fluff i suggest you consult a dentist beforehand lmao
word count: 1,196
a/n: this request is so old im sorry to whoever sent it ajfkdl i got in a Mood today can u tell after reading this
“You know what would be nice?”
You startled, not quite like you would have without the leftover sleep dragging on the underside of your eyelids every time you blinked blearily at the far wall, but a tense in your stature that caused your eyes to pry a bit wider nonetheless. Yoongi noticed too, having subconsciously shuffled closer to each other in your slumber until his stature was slotted neatly to the pull of your legs upward toward your chest. The fond laughter that rumbled quietly in his chest was enough to calm the thrum of your own.
“I didn’t know you were awake,” You commented as explanation for your reaction.
His fingers brushed under the blanket, finding your hip then the hand that rested over your stomach, pressing crooked fingertips to the empty spaces between your own. His words landed on the back of your neck, lips snug to your skin, “I can tell.”
You came to Yoongi’s silent coaxing, rolling to face the sleepy assessment of his half lidded irises quiet under the dark lighting in the bedroom only accompanied by the afternoon sun that split through the blinds. One corner of his mouth lifted, hand leaving your grasp to stroke the side of his thumb across your cheekbone.
His eyes shifted from the movement of his finger to your gaze. “You were napping pretty hard there, my love.”
“You fell asleep before me,” You accused, features scrunching up in faux annoyance.
His lips subsequently soothed the wrinkled skin, the place between your eyebrows, the wilted petals of your lips, the tip of your nose, quiet laughter following in wake of his affections. “Anyway,” His thumb pointedly plucked your bottom lip from it’s pouting position, “You never answered my question.”
You exhaled through your nose, propping your cheek up between your hand and the pillow, “What would be nice, Yoongi?”
You were awake now, even aside from the gentle touches and lax way in which Yoongi’s voice never quite lifted above a rumbling murmur, yet you still startled when something much higher pitched clawed outward from the back of his throat as he rolled to his back, dramatically flopping one arm outward on the empty space on the far side of the mattress.
“—to never leave this bed—” He turned his head to look at you, squishing his cheek upward against his wide eyes, “—ever.”
“I don’t know, I think you might get hungry occasionally,” Fondness replaced any trace of annoyance you’d previously fronted, “Also I’d miss you. A little bit.”
His free hand flopped around at the wrist, searching for you, and you aided in settling yourself into his grasp so he could squeeze you against his side. Messy tendrils tuck haphazardly in blinking eyelashes from his jerking movements when you propped yourself up on his chest by your elbows and you subconsciously let the tips of your fingers brush the black away.
“I’d only leave to come see you,” Yoongi said earnestly and even if he was teasing the less than percent chance that his life could take on the shape of living under his plush collection of monotone duvets like a contented kitten, you felt your body warm considerably. “Or better yet, you just stay here with me.”
“Hmm, I don’t know,” You had access to his cheek from your new position so your lips took the opportunity, “I suppose you’re cute enough.”
“Remember the first time you stayed over?”
The abruptness of the question allowed your quiet mind to transport to a time when the walls surrounding you weren’t the normal, when you weren’t a resident of the apartment that now held your half of a closet and your keys on the kitchen counter and your favorite painting in the hallway beyond the houseplant you’d raised from a sapling. The warmth quietly spreading it’s way to the tips of your toes became fuzzy, outward now to every inch of your being rather than simply trying to infuse into every vein and you had to settled yourself onto his shoulder.
Whether that was to hide your shy smile or not you’d rather not say.
“Yeah,” Your nose brushed against the collar of Yoongi’s shirt, “I don’t even have a bachelor pad comment. You’re a better cook and designer than I am.” A beat and then you rambled, “Maybe that’s the standard we should start upholding for bachelor pads...no more empty beer cans and limited toilet paper, I want specialty, self assembled light fixtures and—”
You vaguely heard the bird chattering outside the window, alerting the routine part of your conscious that the time was somewhere between three twenty-seven and four twelve, the time a small cluster of finches gathered without fail on the bird feeder you’d found Yoongi hanging after work one day. Time didn’t particularly matter, nor did yellow and brown finches or the cluster of unopened emails thrust into your inbox while your eyes were closed, not when Yoongi’s crooked finger was underneath your chin and his lips were sweet between the seam of your mouth.
The sheets had long since tangled around your waist, caught somewhere underneath your knee and uprooted to the curl of Yoongi’s spine when you sank backward into the pillows as he hovered above you. There were no implications to kissing him like this, routine like the shells of seeds shed by the finches now sprinkled in a perfectly disorganized pattern in overgrown grass.
Something was a bit different though, the adoration now seeping into every fiber of your being now forced to the pores in your skin until it created a thin aura on the outside of your person, effectively maybe you just a bubble of unadulterated endearment for the man humming against your lips.
Your eyes didn’t open immediately when Yoongi’s mouth busied to your cheek instead, then left your skin entirely. Yet, the pause couldn’t have properly prevented your heart from overflowing into the spaces between your rib cage when your found a similar fondness coating the upturn of his lips and the shine in blinking eyes.
“I hope we get to do this for a while,” He told you, voice laced in something you could only describe as your heart racing upward from your ribs to roar in your ears.
“The bed thing again? I told you—”
Another chaste kiss, one that earned a gasp from your lips and your hand clutching onto the sleeve of his shirt.
“No,” Yoongi said firmly, “This. Us.”
“Being with you,” His eyebrows furrowed in the middle when your mouth parted to apologize, lifting a little bit higher to settle his lips against your forehead, leaving them there as he affirmed, “I want to be with you, like this, for a while.”
It was partially a joke, one you teased quietly when his sparkling eyes settled to yours once more and your hand shifted from his sleeve to the front of his shirt.
“Forever?”
Yoongi laughed, genuine and loud and a paired with crinkles framing his eyes and gums on full display as leaned to press his forehead to yours.
“Yeah, angel,” He turned to brush his nose against yours, “We can start with forever.”
#bts imagines#bts reactions#bts scenarios#bts fluff#bts x reader#yoongi imagine#yoongi fluff#yoongi x reader#Anonymous
306 notes
·
View notes
Note
If someone sends a long ask/an ask and you don’t answer them are there usually specific reasons?
This isn’t about any particular ask I just get worried when I send long asks, or asks about characters that accounts don’t talk about much in case I’m bothering them
Is there a general rule that if you haven’t answered an ask in _____ you probably won’t? I know after I send asks I usually spend the next 4-5 days anxious as to whether someone will respond or if I’ve annoyed them (because I really care about the things I send but I obviously don’t want to bother anybody!!)
Again, feel free to ignore this message if it is annoying or anything and if it is I’m sorry I hope this doesn’t come off as rude because that’s not my intention at all
anon we are CONNECTED i saw this literally because i opened my phone to explain this WE ARE CONNECTED OUR MINDS ARE ONE YOU READ ME
yes!!! i actually wanted to apologize to anyone who’s sent me a longer ask for how long it takes me to respond sometimes, i have a few in my inbox rn. im a freshman in college and it’s taking some adjustment, and im mentally worn out more often than not.
but i really genuinely do love getting longer or more complicated asks, im honestly honoured that people choose ME of all people to share thoughts with. but because of that, i refuse to answer anything unless i can give a genuine thought out response from my undivided attention, i don’t want to half ass a response and treat someone’s thoughts like they mean nothing and deserve only a few words.
i used to answer asks whenever i got them but now i tend to mass answer them on days im feeling energetic and mentally present if that makes any sense, i want to give each sentence the attention it deserves and answer it with the respect it warrants. i remember how happy i was when people started reading my posts and interacting, i’d never want to treat longer asks like they don’t mean anything, bc your thoughts and opinions are so wonderful and i really do value them. a common phrase for me is “anon i’m sorry if you didn’t want an essay” bc i tend to respond with a lot of thoughts if the ask warrants it
there are some asks i don’t answer, like ask games that i accidentally left for a week and the og post is buried and everyone’s forgotten it (IM SORRY 😭) but if it’s anything to do with thoughts on the books or a question or something engaging, i WILL get to it i swear i’m not ignoring anyone. it’s just some asks i can answer quickly with opinions i have straight off the bat or simple info i don’t have think about, but if i haven’t responded it means i’m gonna properly read through and think
i’ll take literally anything, it doesn’t matter if it’s long or about a character i don’t always talk about, no one should ever underestimate the value of interpretation or opinions (unless it’s bigoted then we mass block) and if someone just gets annoyed y’all deserve better. no ones a bother to me, if anything i’m the bother for not responding fast enough lmao m
am i taking tumblr asks way too seriously??? probably. but also i was that kid in honours english who didn’t shut up and wanted to talk about all kinds of theories and weird analysis and i know how important these thoughts can be SO I WILL BE TREATING EVERY LONG ASK WITH THE SNOBBY AIR OF ACADEMIA WE ARE ALL PROFESSORS HYPER ANALYZING THESE BOOKS AND I AM ENCOURAGING IT
tldr i love you all i’m just annoying and tired and i’m gonna read your long asks like a fucking professor bc yall have interesting thoughts 🤝
also if there are any reoccurring long askers, yall should start identifying yourselves if you want to! i remember seeing someone have conversations with their “egg anon” it’s funny
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
sighhhh </3 🐞
welcome to people talk about gish in my inbox: part 3
I can't be the only one having Thoughts about Jensen's arms right now, I know so does Misha - tea anon
oh trust me you are not the only one AND YOU WERE RIGHT lmao he did mention the arms. we love to see it
I get your concerns Rose but I truly think they just miss each other that much. I trust they'll be fine. But I understand you - tea anon, handing a cup of tea
i agree actually i have had some time to think about it and i take it back lmao
Heyyyyyy bestie, I'm so sorry and I'm fully telling on myself here but Jensen and Misha talking about the gray in their beards fully killed me I'm weak, send help
ME TOO I KEEP SAYING IT BUT THEY WERE SO SOFT
Listen I need somebody to ask them about Ojai - tea anon
seriously we need to discuss this lmao
My... My Twitter timeline did a thing where it put a tweet about Jensen's arms and my friend's unrelated tweet about how something's so gay next to each other.
Also Cockles thank you for being such sweethearts.
Sending all the love to Rose and Gunshots nation - tea anon
don't you just love it when the universe lines up like that
WHY ARE THEY LATE AGAIN THEY CAN'T HAVE DISTANCE SEX - tea anon
lmao if only
turns out i can make it cause the thing i had going ended early, i can't wait to see two old men flirt for 30 minutes <3 🐞
this did not age well rip im so sorry <3
that damn sniper got the better of us again, like i’m actually sad :( will we ever know peace? the answer is always no lmao - 🦋 anon
i feel you babe, i felt sad too :( but at least we got to see them flirt!!
Ok so there's a theory that Jensen... misunderstood the timezones.
Ok anyway since I'm here I want to say that Gunshots absolutely doesn't have to post this but I want to give you my take on the opening ceremony situation. J2 stans are going to give us hell for this since it seemed Jensen and Misha didn't realize some things about each other but I think it was something different - I think it was the thing that Rose herself once pointed out about how they like to pretend not to know some things about each other to seem more... distant. The same goes for having not seen each other for a year which could be true but I liked our theory that they actually did. And from what I've heard about that opening (I couldn't see it myself unfortunately) it could be it.
Also a city thing could go for Misha moving a lot, we don't know how often he does that.
But also (bear with me) could be them having their downs during pandemic but I really think they're going to get through it or get it all back.
Also that comment about going grey seems really really inch resting. We've had that. We've had them bein flirty today. We've had Cockles posting at suspicious times. We've had them using the exact wording. We've had them right now wanting to see each other and looking really happy. We've had an interesting reaction about that city thing. We've had Jensen coming to GISH and being an assignment AGAIN, and I don't think Mish would pull this off if they lost touch. We've had them support each other on social media. We've had "Mish. Dee.". We've had an anniversary and I have doubts if they would do that if they felt fallout coming. It all will come together. Trust me. I think we're okay.
I think they'll be okay.
Rose sorry for bringing this back to you - tea anon, sleepy.
thank you for this!! <333 i agree and i really needed to read this
totally basking in the (frankly absurd) level of amused fondness in jensen’s, “ohhh hey, there he is!” — 💖 anon
oh my god yes its so fucking cute!!!
also!! as i was (re)watching the cockles zoom i noticed that the way misha frames his questions is so telling, in a: “here’s this info that i already know, now let me turn it into a question so others can know about it too” kinda way. at first it makes it seem like they haven’t spoken much until you notice that misha starts most of his questions with a statement (like “so you are” rather than “so are you” etc) — 💖 anon
you know what THATS SUCH A GOOD POINT THANK YOU
The more I think about the Cockles panel from yesterday, the more I love it. We got 25min of their small talk and being cute to each other. I have been blessed, my crops have been watered etc.
I would rather have this than a very rushed Q&A and have them struggle to answer things that God knows if they can already answer. Btw if they've rethought that in the last minute, I don't blame them AT ALL. And if it was just Jackles confused by timezones then it's honestly SO freaking funny. Pray harder 4 Jensen, y'all.
Anyway it was a blast and the first of many to come in future cons. Hope you and the other anons liked GISH as much as I did, I'm in it for life now. -🌻
honestly you are right, im gonna rewatch it after answering this and i am sure im gonna love it even more the second time. im so glad you enjoyed gish!! <333
11 notes
·
View notes
Note
So ive followed you a VERY long time (like from the deviantart days lmao) and i only just realised that you were talking about ocd in that post. Just wanted to let you know that i have ocd as well and god it is exhausting and i know exactly how you feel! I finally start therapy for it in 2 weeks. Pls know that i love your art and you very much and appreciate everything you create and share with us. All the best!! X
Hey you, I know you! Thank you for coming to my inbox and sharing this with me, I appreciate that so much. :) I am SUPER happy for you that you are about to get the help you need, that is awesome. I wish I could have had it at the time!
(And oh boy, the good old deviantart days, haha! Always happy to have my longtime followers around! :D)
OCD is exhausting indeed. People who aren’t affected can’t imagine what a nightmare it is. I, personally, am more prone to intrusive thoughts than actual obsessive-compulsive behavior. When people hear „OCD“, they usually think of obsessive hand washing or „leaving out every black tile while walking through a kitchen“ or so, while it can manifest in other ways. I didn’t know back then. I just thought I was going completely crazy at the time. I think I mentioned my disorder at times but I never actually openly talked about my own experiences (where I come from, mental disorders are a big NO NO, because it’s all in your head, just pull yourself together, other people are ACTUALLY suffering, it’s just dumb thoughts, you just need to think positive, y’know).
I kinda feel like doing it now. Just to get it out, and also to occupy my brain and hands and hey, maybe someone else can pick this up and find themselves in my own experiences. I sure know how relieved I was when I found out I wasn’t alone with my what I thought was a ‚Very Weird, Unique and Niche Problem‘.
I gotta admit first - I’m doing much better nowadays. Even my worst days, as horrible as they may feel at the time, do in no way compare to the hell I went through in the second half of 2015. I have come a long way since my last (and so far worst... omg, oof, I hope there won’t be another) episode of intrusive thoughts. But, oh boy, was it intense. It was the absolute worst time of my life, ever. I’m not writing this to scare anyone. Anyone who is familiar with this, will know how bad it is and anyone who can’t relate at all won’t feel affected anyway and will maybe even think something along the lines of „What the fuck?!“. I get it. It DOES sound crazy.
I have always been an overthinker. I always needed more validation and reassurance than other people around me and for the longest time I had no idea why that was. It was usually subtle - always kinda there but never strong enough to actually affect my life in a negative way. I just felt off at times, and not always super good. But I was generally ok, I could always manage.
Until that one episode that changed my life forever. I know that sounds dramatic but, even though I am in a good place nowadays, it sure DID change my life. I was 31, I lived together with my then-boyfriend and I still remember the exact date. Friday, July 24th, 2015. I remember the exact moment when my entire mind collapsed. It’s so weird, it literally happened from one second to the other. I am not making this up to sound more dramatic, it was a matter of seconds.
I was on my way home after work and I felt… restless and stressed. It felt good to get off work (it was my first full time job and... it didn’t go well, to put it nicely) but I was no longer really looking forward to my week off, and our trip to our favorite Open Air the following week. I picked up some dinner on my way, I came home, and I saw my boyfriend in the middle of the living room, he was making some preparations for our upcoming trip. When I saw him, tall and handsome and smiling at me, I smiled back but inside I felt like crying. My smile was fake. Kissing him felt weird, and also fake. And all of a sudden, there it was. The life changing thought:
„I don’t love him anymore.“
A simple thought. I had weird thoughts before, like anyone does, but they never had any greater impact on me. This time, though, that one thought knocked me off my feet. Not literally, I had turned into a pillar of salt somehow. This was the Perfect Man Of My Dreams (at least that was what I thought back then). The man I wanted to spend my life with, the man who made me happy every day! How could that even be, how could I even think something like that?
I felt even more restless. I didn’t tell him, of course. When he asked how my day was, I put on my fake smile again and said it was okay. We ate our dinner (although I had instantly lost any appetite), and I kept looking at him and the thoughts... just kept coming back.
You don’t love him anymore.
What if you don’t love him anymore?
On repeat. It was awful. I just couldn’t shake them off.
It’s the stress, I tried to tell myself. You’re overworked. It’ll be good, you just need some rest.
But I couldn’t relax. My heart was racing, my blood was pumping. I didn’t know what was going on. I begged him to leave his work undone and take me out for an after work drink and he agreed. All the time, the thoughts wouldn’t leave my mind. I didn’t want to think them, but they were merciless, they just kept coming back. I felt so helpless.
A few drinks later, I had calmed down a bit, at least so much that I could stand to look at my BFs face again without feeling guilty. There you go, I said to myself, not quite convinced, you’ll be good. It’s already wearing off. When we crawled into bed later, I was tired and relaxed (and tipsy) enough to sleep and convinced that this was just a little glitch, that things would be just fine in the morning.
When I woke up, I felt exhausted. My heart was racing... and the thoughts came back IMMEDIATELY.
You don’t love him anymore. You gotta leave him.
What. The. HELL!? Why are these thoughts still a thing? Why are they still there? Why do they keep coming back?
I kept trying to push them away but the more I tried, the more intense they became. As if they tried to spite me. I started losing focus on everything else around me, the world slowly started to blur. It was just Me And My Thoughts from here. I tried my best to hide my state, and I think I managed for a while, but I felt like a robot any time I talked to someone. When people would pick up on my confusion, I usually brushed their concerns off. It’s nothing, I’m good.
I mean... how do you even tell someone that you just. can’t. stop. thinking. about whether you still love your boyfriend or not? According to the world, that is something you “just feel and know” after all. Except that I didn’t. I had no clue. I couldn’t feel anything. But, according to the world, that was perfectly normal, too. “Honeymoon phase is over at some point, babe. That’s everyday life, you grow comfy, it’s no longer a flash of feelings every day, you know that. You guys have been together for a while after all, what did you expect?!” ... what I felt didn’t feel like comfy everyday life either, though. Comfy everday life shouldn’t come with high key anxiety, sleepless nights and a loss of appetite at any lived second. If that was comfy everyday life, I sure didn’t want it.
So, what do you do when you have no clue about something? Right! Google! Go and ask the world! “How do you know that you still love your partner?”, “Is the love gone?” ... I spent hours, DAYS doing that, but no answer I found was remotely statisfying (or maybe it was for a minute, but the reassurance never lasted long) and I felt that those articles didn’t actually understand what I was asking in first place. I would spend every day like that. Permanently asking myself the same questions, analyzing myself, testing if the Big Feels for the man had decided to come back... nah, not really. Maybe NOW? If I just look at him close enough?! ... maybe if I squint a little?! Fuck, still nothing! Niente! Nada! I am a horrible person, aaah!
(Our open air trip was an emotional disaster by the way, I felt horrible all the time, and the permanent rain didn’t help. -3/10, do not recommend).
If I had known at the time that I wouldn’t spend just a few days but (more or less) six months with this shit... oof. I was already exhausted after those few days.
Over the course of the next weeks I stopped eating almost entirely. I just couldn’t. This permanent tight anxiety knot in my stomach made me want to throw up at the mere thought of food. At my worst point I weighed 138 lbs (63 kg), at 6 ft 1 (1,85 m). I often joked about how I had almost reached runway model standard. I was sick, I was weak, I was scared, but I just couldn’t eat and the bits I DID force myself to eat were burned almost right away by my crippling anxiety. (I still have clothes from that time, and I sometimes beat myself up for no longer fitting into them before I remember that I should NEVER fit into them EVER again.)
Instead I smoked a pack a day. I hardly got any sleep and when I did, it wasn’t relaxing. Always in Fight and Flight mode. My body was at alert level any minute, any day. I’m still asking myself how it could be that I never actually... collapsed. I was always tired, exhausted and malnourished... I dunno, you tell me.
The thoughts never really disappeared. They kept coming back in all variations. You don’t love him anymore. You have to leave him. You may not want to, but you have to. You don’t love him. I had very few “good moments” in between but in those good moments, my mind was usually frantically looking for explanations and reasons behind all this. For ways to improve my relationship, to feel better about my boyfriend. I came up with the WEIRDEST shit. Almost every day I found something new that bothered me. One day he was a little boring. That’s it! We gotta go out more, do more stuff, that’ll change everything. ... aaah, no. Guess not. The next day, it was something else. The day after THAT, it was something entirely different again.
I was suddenly prone to making some HELLA weird impulsive decisions, too. „I gotta break off contact to that one person RIGHT now, THEN I WILL FEEL BETTER!“, “I gotta talk to my mom about THAT particular incident in my childhood right now, THEN I WILL FEEL BETTER!”, “I gotta make a trip to the mall JUST NOW, THEN I WILL FEEL BETTER!”… the decisions made total sense to me the second I made them, for about ten minutes at most, but the initial rush of relief started to fade again quickly and I frantically started looking for new solutions. Google was my best friend. I couldn’t go a day without googling exessively. Overthinking, pacing, googling. Any day, any hour awake. Over weeks. A few months even. My mind was constantly reeling. It was a bottomless pit.
I cannot put into words how exhausting that was. Sometimes the idea of throwing myself out of the next window seemed SO tempting, not because I wanted to die, but because I wanted the thoughts to stop tormenting me.
(I was out of regular therapy at the time, btw. I thought about calling my therapist about it but never did it. I felt isolated, I literally thought I had to do this all by myself.)
At some point, a few months into it, I somehow transferred to zombie mode. The thoughts became a little less intense over time. They were never gone but not quite as nagging anymore. But any time I wasn’t in alert mode, I felt just hollow instead. Sucked dry of any joy, of any emotion, of any sign of life. I just... functioned. Still tried to hide it. I dunno how well I did with that. Probably not at all well. I kept it all to myself, just because it felt that ridiculous. Tried to find excuses. “I’m just tired.”, “You know, there’s a lot going on in my head right now, but I’ll be good.” ... truth is that I don’t remember a whole lot of that time, it’s all blurry. There are just a few significant moments.
Such as that one evening, after work, when I left the building, made a few steps and stood five (or ten? fifteen??? who knows?! not me.) minutes on the spot, motionless, because I could no longer remember my way home.
I got fired from that job, by the way. I’m sure it was mostly due to low performance, I get it, but I can’t blame my poor state alone - they were also assholes.
Anyway.
I had, of course, never stopped the googling and one day, after hours of browsing any niche I hoped I hadn’t browsed yet, I somehow found a blog written by a young woman like me. The description tackled almost all of my thought patterns and I was blown. away. She asked herself the very same questions, with the very same twists, and... she even had a name for it.
ROCD. Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
I cried for what felt like hours. Out of relief. There was a person in this world who knew exactly what I was going through. And she even had tips how to overcome it. It wasn’t the first time I had heard about OCD, but as it had never affected me in any way before (I, too, associated it with compulsive hand washing and tile jumping), I wouldn’t have thought of it. After doing my own intense research on the subject, a huge part of me and my life finally started making sense to me. Not much was known about ROCD at the time, but it kinda didn’t matter anyway. What mattered was the OCD part. The subject of the thoughts is entirely interchangable. It’s the chain of thoughts itself that has to be broken. Don’t focus on the relationship. Break the chain instead.
The internet also recommended exposure therapy but as therapy wasn’t an option at the time (weird German laws... regular health insurance covers only a limited amount of therapy lessons within a certain span of time and I had used mine up and there was no way I could pay myself), I decided to try it myself, the key points being:
* No more googling, no more reassurance. Learn to live with the uncertainty, learn to live with Not Knowing.
* Let the thoughts happen. Watch them pass by. They’re just thoughts, they can’t harm you. Don’t fight them, just recognize them and let them stay, they’ll get less scary over time.
* Focus on other things, as hard as it is. Try to occupy your mind and your body. Any minute you spend doing something else but brooding is a win.
It all sounded so very abstract at the time, but I was determined to give it a try. Oh gosh, was it hard. After months of emotional torment and getting used to unhealthy ways of coping, it was SO DAMN FUCKING HARD to NOT google. To NOT think. It felt like torment all over again. How was I supposed to just let the thought sit with me!? It was scary, I didn’t want it! Just ONE little peek, only a second, come ON! I won’t do it again after that?!
Oh god, it was the worst, it really was. Trying to break the chain while I was so desperate to save my relationship was terrible. I honestly don’t remember HOW I made it... but I made it. I somehow... clawed and bit my way out of it. I went right through the pain and made it. It’s not actually a linear process but there comes this point (and I know a few people I met on online platforms who would back me up on this) when you know the worst is over. You just know it. Things weren’t exactly good by the time the thoughts were history but I had reign over my own head again, I could actually SEE the world again, and that was worth everything plus my body weight in gold.
I’ll stop right here because the following months weren’t about my OCD anymore, but about figuring out needs, figuring out myself and what I wanted from life and this particular relationship and it’s not quite relevant and another story. (I DID love my ex-BF but it turned out he wasn’t at all good for me, I had ignored all the red flags for too long, and it didn’t take long after this for us to go separate ways)
I hated this particular time in my life while it lasted but I have learned and taken so much from it. It has changed my life in so many ways. I learned that things are never set in stone, not for anyone. That there will always be uncertain times on our ways. That change is always scary. That it’s okay to be scared. That staying in crappy situations for the sake of it isn’t always the right thing to do. Sometimes, doing the right thing (aka leaving a relationship that isn’t good for you) can make you sad. Love does not equal compatibility.
Looking back, I am - in a very bizarre and twisted way - grateful for the experience. It was an incredibly important lesson for me that taught me to be kinder to myself, to look out for myself and to listen to my own needs. That I should put myself first at times. For the first time of my life, I really got in touch with myself and my own emotions. I learned to understand them, I learned where they come from. I learned to cut myself slack at times.
The list goes on and on, but you get my drift. I know myself inside and out at this point. That wasn’t always the case. Not until 2016.
It still comes back at times. Not with such full force, but it keeps creeping back in, pretty much any time I have to deal with uncertainty in my life. Bad news at work, not hearing from a friend for a while that I’m dying to hear from (inevitably thinking that they MUST be mad at me) or when I spot a few symptoms of sickness that I’m not familiar with (I practically never get sick). Not Knowing What Will Happen drives me CRAZY. I hate uncertainty, I need my life to be stable and calm to fully function.
Now, in COVID times, it’s mostly the fear of suffering from an incurable disease. AGAIN. I’m familiar with that, too. I’m not even scared of catching the virus, I just fell right back into overthinking any symptom I have, even if it’s just a short pain in the neck or whatever (you know, things that one usually brushes off). When my life was busier, I was MUCH better at handling those thoughts. Most of the time, they didn’t even come up in first place. Sitting inside and avoiding contact 99,9% of all times, and having little to no actual distraction („reading/watching movies“ doesn’t help me personally, it does’t occupy my mind enough, I usually just stare right through the pages/screen), however, leaves FAR too much time for the thoughts to unfold, once they come up.
This subtle but lingering concern for my health puts my body into a permanent state of anxiety once more. Fight and Flight mode. The pace of my heartbeat is always slightly, but perpetually, increased. It isn’t always outright panic attacks, it’s this constant state of having to be… alert. Something MIGHT happen, y’know. Be prepared. Relaxing and doing nice things becomes almost impossible. Instead, I get tired and exhausted. Depressed, even. It sucks the joy right out of me. I feel like living under a glass dome. I see what’s happening around me but I am unable to connect, emotionally. People keep living their lives and I can watch them, but I can’t be a part of it. It’s a deeply crushing feeling. I manage to somehow function but I don’t really feel alive. My abandonment issues and fear of „getting left behind“ kicked in again, too. I want to catch up and take part but can’t so I stress myself over THAT, too. This only adds to the exhaustion and makes me feel even more isolated.
Hello, vicious circle, my old friend.
I didn’t even realize that I had such huge potential to fall right back into it. It all started… I dunno, by mid/end of January?? It’s a bit blurry this time. It is directly connected to Germany’s recent lockdown, though. A massive case of Not Knowing How Things Will Turn Out. I failed to take better care of myself in the past few weeks. And now I’m here. AGAIN. Ugh.
But well, as I said, it’s not as bad and, as I said, I have at least learned some important things over the years. In this particular case of intrusive thoughts, the first rule is: NEVER GOOGLE SYMPTOMS. And never google shit like „chances to survive (whatever illness think you have at the time)“, either. The mind longs for reassurance but googling symptoms is BAD, as we all know by now. It’s not even reassuring when you do it. Because you’ll inevitably end up diving through the vast internet for HOURS, picking up an entry that some person named Kevin made on a cancer forum way back in 2004, saying that his uncle died the next day after finding out he has cancer and that is, OF COURSE, what will happen to YOU, too. There is no other way. YOU WILL DIE.
Excuse the text walls. I took an opportunity to ramble about my own experience, for the first time ever since it happened (not including the few short talks I had with the few people I met on internet forums).
To anyone who made it this far: Thank you so much for reading. It sure felt good to write this down for once, even if it’s just a short summary (yes, really, I mean, we’re talking six-ish months here), and the descriptions fall woefully short. If anyone affected by the same happens to read this - I am so, SO sorry you are suffering so much. You are NOT alone and you are NOT weird. Talk to someone. Open up. To your doctor, or you therapist, if you have one. To a person you trust. It is the worst but there are ways, there is help. I wish I had known at the time it started for me.
You know now. :)
P.S.: DON’T FUCKING GOOGLE:
#ocd#rocd#obsessive compulsive disorder#relationship obsessive compulsive disorder#mental disorder#sanne rambles
25 notes
·
View notes
Note
helloooo T <333 i wanna make a series and am wondering if you have any tips?? I have like a vague idea of what I'm doing and have the title and a synopsis but not... much. secondly, (😭) I also wanna do what you've done where you write all of it down? like all the chapters? then post ! or maybe write half, then post probably weekly whilst I'm writing the rest kinda thing. much love if you help <333 wondering how you've gone about with your series too 💞💕💗
hello love! <3 and gosh i'll try to be as thorough as possible but my goodness series are a curse of mine bc 98% of the series i've done is either collecting dust in the my WIPs (ahem mob!tom i'm sorry i'll get back to you soon bby i promise laklkas) unfinished, not updated in years, or full stop discontinued so asdfghjkl anyhow i'm gonna put a cut bc i talk a lot and also! i'm gonna put Revenge Is Sweet as an example even though technically that was a bit easier bc its an smau but i basically planned them the same way so spoilers ahead if you haven't read the series asdfghjkl:
so first off, when it comes to series each writer is definitely different but me, i heavily. plan. everything. so i say get a scope of where you want the characters to go and what journey you want to take them. whether it's a start and a very rough middle and end. so long as you know where you're going even if it's not final yet. it's a rough draft. changes will be made in the process but at least you have an idea of the direction you're going so you don't get lost down the line.
most of the time i try and see roughly how many parts i want to make it into. and then as you go through and write, if you feel like you need more parts or need to add something in between some parts then add more parts. that's why for me, i can not do the write as we go thing where i post the first part here and then see where it will take me. bc i want to make each part as cohesive as possible so i need to have at least the basics written down, places, dates, years, events and i can only do that if i have most of the series already planned out from prologue to epilogue.
here's an example on how i basically roughly planned Revenge Is Sweet--
i'll start with the characters where i basically wrote down some personalities to make them different from each other:
p.s. i didn't include oliver bc it basicaly says *asshole* alskaslk i'm kidding but not really. also ignore the asher name lmao that was suppose to be ashton's name but
and as for the parts, when i say vaguely write stuff down, i really mean vaguely write stuff down:
so that's basically what i mean when i say at least get a scope of where you want to go. doesn’t matter if it’s vague, simple or not groundbreaking at all. because then you can come back to it later and tweak some stuff, change some scenes, add more scenes and even some dialogue and such.
as for posting, that really depend on what you’re most comfortable with. if you’re comfortable with posting one part and then writing the next one after then go for it. bc at least now you have an idea on where you’re going so it wouldn’t be too hard as you write.
but for me personally:
i’d rather have at least 80% or like you said, half of the series written down. and by written down i really mean like it needs at least one or two more proof reads simply to polish things up. like Prologue to Part 6 of my mob!tom series are each at least 10k words already and ready to go. because sometimes when i write a series, some parts inspire ideas that are great for another part. for example, i’ll be well underway writing Part 6 but then i get an idea that would improve Part 2 or i’ll add a certain character tick which wouldn’t make sense if they only did it on one part but not at the start. but when i have that part already up and posted then...i can’t do anything to change it anymore.
me as a writer, i am constantly changing and improving and tweaking so if i can hold onto all the parts to improve them as much as i can until i’m happy with it then i will. and i also want to add hints and foreshadowing and all little easter eggs may it be a little dialogue etc.
but also, as i’ve said at the beginning i haven’t finished a series ever. from way back when i was writing for one direction. yes, i’m that much of a fossil with writing alskalk. so for me, having at least most of the series done would guarantee that i have a consistent posting schedule. and i do agree with what you said, posting weekly while you write the other parts so the pressure wouldn’t be too hard on missing updates.
but gosh, i just gave you a full blown essay anon lakslaks but yeah! that’s much of all the tips i can give to you. but also, enjoy it really as cheesy as the sounds. write the series because you want to get lost in it first and foremost. like be in your own world and don’t think about outer circumstances. and then once you’ve had that journey relieve it again when you start posting.
and please! ask any questions you want, my inbox is always open. and i’ll answer them to the best of my abilities.
hope this helped!! <3
#i copy and pasted this on word and bruh how have i managed to babble on for almost 1k words asdfghjkl#anyways! i hope you're series does well love!#much love and good luck!!#**your#see i can't make fun of tom bc i too am illiterate asdfghjkl#answered: anon#answered asks#writing#writing help
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
im thinking about applying for med… got any tips? 😕
omg the fact you came to me makes me CRY hehehe id love to give ya some info!! it’ll be under the cut to avoid anything too long:-)
i hope this actually answered your question lmao and!! my inbox and dms are always open if you have anymore questions too <33
okay! first off idk where you are applying, i know a little bit about american medical schools but i do live and study in europe now (which i highly suggest!!) so just keep that in mind!! this is all info that i think is important, bc for me application was just an entrance exam:-)
- im not sure what stage you are in school (like high school orrr uni) but before even deciding you want medicine please please go find someone to shadow for a few days or find a doctor that would be willing to answer questions about things you would like to know like scheduling, free time, what their day looks like etc. i definitely had a ton of ideas of what being a doctor would be like and now 3 years in to med school and it’s WAY different than what I expected (I also blame a lot of this on moving to a diff country but) make sure that medicine is what you want to do and it’s something that interests you because there’s so much that goes into applying and it’s expensive and blah blah blah so!!! its important to be 100% sure bc you’ve got a long road ahead of you hahah essentially pls make sure you want to do medicine. not your family not your friends not bc it pays well. you need to want to do it bc you will actually enjoy it.
- know before you go into med school that there is A LOT to know!! i know it seems kinda obvious but for me it was kinda a bit of a shock when i realized the sheer amount of information you are expected to memorize and understand and be able to apply and then connect with other topics. it’s stressful for sure so also learning how to study is a huge thing (sob this was so hard for me hehe)
- for applications, im not too sure tbh i would say that you should make sure you have some good extra curriculars that show you can mange time well but maybe also have something similar to medicine?? as in clubs or volunteer service. tbh i’ve only written 1 essay for a separate med school that i didn’t end up going to! but if you need id be happy to help give info for that:-) i also know for interviews they can ask the basics of like “why do you want to be a doctor” “what inspired you to go into medicine” but i’ve also heard many questions can be asked that are kinda not related in a sense?? like “what’s a biography you’ve read recently that you can compare to your own life” or something along those lines. so be really well versed with common questions from the med schools you choose to apply to!
5 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
murderonmars
tacoplace
saikablood
Saika Blood
youngandprivileged-blog
Finn Goldsmith
tea-can
Tea
i-leena-like-a-cholo
Chiquitita✿