#i have no memory of drawing these aside from like. exactly one
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rediscovered some nigh-incomprehensible catvn doodles i did a month or so ago and they're so bad i actually want to share them. hold on
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The First Time, Every Time: E.B.E.
Rated X / 2105 words / Tagging @today-in-fic / Posted on AO3
He makes it to the front doors of her apartment building before he turns back, the photograph that she just insisted is a fake clutched tightly in one hand. He’s irritated and angry, in part because she’s always pushing back on him, and in part because she might be right. He does tend to overlook contradictory evidence when he’s hot on a lead like this. He does want to believe Deep Throat badly enough that it’s possible he’s not thinking clearly.
She said she trusted him. More than that, she said he’s the only person she trusts. But her trust isn’t given blindly, and he can’t decide if that’s something he resents or appreciates. He just doesn’t know what to think.
When she answers the door, his anger immediately wanes. Her eyebrows are all pushed together and she’s scanning his face for clues as to why he’s back already, and he’s still not used to someone looking at him like this all the time. Like they care.
“Is something wrong?” she asks, opening the door wider and stepping aside.
Mulder walks into her foyer and turns to face her. Truthfully, he has no idea why he came back. The conversation just felt unfinished somehow.
“Why is it so hard for you to believe? Even after the bugged pen?” he asks, more frustrated than anything.
Scully closes the door and sighs, then props her hands on her hips and levels him with an icy stare. How she manages to be intimidating at five foot nothing and with that pretty face is an X-File in itself.
“I’m a scientist, Mulder. I don’t believe anything without irrefutable evidence. A bugged pen is not evidence that your picture isn’t a fake,” she says sternly, with a nod to the envelope in his hand.
Mulder huffs and shakes his head, though he can’t disagree with her.
“I just wish you could be a little more open minded,” he says, and Scully presses her lips into a tight line.
“Your skeptical partner,” she says under her breath, and he feels a little flash of embarrassment at the memory of Langly’s comment. He may have vented to them a bit shortly after Scully started working with him, but he could also tell during their brief introduction that the Gunmen liked her. A lot. “You know what, Mulder, I wish that you could be a little more open minded,” she says sassily.
Mulder scoffs.
“To what, exactly?” he asks, tossing the envelope onto her kitchen table and taking one step towards her. She lifts her chin defiantly, and he has the overwhelming urge to kiss her, which catches him off guard.
“To the possibility that you’re being manipulated,” she tells him, her eyes locked on his. “To the possibility that you’re wrong.”
“What if I’m not wrong?” he asks, moving even closer, craning his neck down to bring his nose inches from hers.
Scully blinks rapidly, unmoving aside from the labored rise and fall of her chest. It’s something he’s noticed about her, a tell that she’s emotionally activated even when all other signs indicate calm. He watches for it now, listens for it on the phone. Her breathy, “Mulder, it’s me,” tells him everything he needs to know.
“If you’re so confident it’s real, why won’t you have it analyzed?” she asks, practically panting.
Mulder slips his hand into the space between their bodies, and she startles when his knuckles brush against her chest just beneath her clavicle. He fingers the gold chain around her neck, fishing the tiny cross that hangs from it out from beneath the hem of her shirt, though his eyes never leave her face.
“I have faith in my source,” he says, his voice low, and she draws in a shuddering breath.
“A faith too fragile to be questioned is hardly faith at all,” she retorts.
He has two concurrent realizations, with the backs of his fingers resting against the satiny skin of her breastbone and his face so close to hers that he can smell the wine on her breath: she is the most maddeningly stubborn person he has ever met, and he finds her immovable nature wildly arousing.
He tells himself that he absolutely cannot kiss her at the exact same moment he realizes that he already is, and he pulls away sharply, terrified. Her eyes are wide and her lips slightly parted, and she looks just as likely to slap him as she is to kiss him back.
“Sorry,” he stammers, taking one step away from her. “I don’t know why I did that.”
His head is hung in embarrassment, so he doesn’t see her moving closer. He feels the painful press of her fingernails digging into the back of his neck, and when he looks up her mouth immediately covers his. She’s teetering on her tiptoes, anchoring herself to him with an arm slung across his shoulders, so he stoops down a bit to compensate for their mismatched statures. Her hands move to his face and her kisses grow hungrier, soon accompanied by little whimpers that make his head spin.
“Scully,” he tries to say, but she swallows the sound of her own name and shakes her head with a muffled “Uh-uh.”
What does that mean? Is he supposed to stop her? Should he let it happen?
Her fingers brush over the fly of his slacks and he jumps, grabbing her hand to still it and pulling his head back, just out of reach.
“What are you doing?” he asks breathlessly, very aware that she just made full contact with his very hard dick.
She just stares at him for half a second, her expression unreadable.
“I don’t know,” she says, looking mildly shocked. “Should I stop?” she asks, flashing her eyes to his groin.
Mulder’s jaw tenses. He knows what the right answer is, but he can’t bring himself to say it.
“I don’t know,” he parrots back to her.
A beat passes wherein they look at each other, his hand still wound around her wrist. He knows she won’t keep going unless she’s absolutely sure he wants this. He can feel his heart beating in his cock, and in his periphery he can see the generous tent it’s creating at the front of his slacks. Scully’s tongue slides across her bottom lip and his cock jumps, making up his mind for him.
“No,” he says suddenly, tugging her closer by the arm and sending the front of her body colliding with his.
After that initial hesitation, things move exceptionally quickly. She pushes his suit jacket off his shoulders and then strips off his belt so aggressively that the leather snaps loudly, setting off gooseflesh all over his arms. He manages to get her top off before she slips her hand under his boxers, and he struggles with the clasp on her bra as she drags her fingernails over the papery skin of his scrotum. They’re still standing beside her kitchen table, and all the lights are on. He truly has no idea what will happen next.
Cool air slides over his legs when she pushes both his slacks and his boxers off his hips and they puddle on the floor around his feet. The sound of his heart pounding in his ears is so loud that it drowns out any rational thought. The only one that makes it through is sex . Sex and Scully , two words that he has carefully compartmentalized but are suddenly forcing their way into the very same box as she strokes him firmly with one hand and pops the buttons on his shirt with the other. Meanwhile, he’s got two handfuls of her perky little tits and is working up the nerve to divest her of her pants.
It doesn’t feel even a little bit real. Not when he takes her by the shoulders and guides her back to the table, not when his palms run down the length of her naked thighs as he removes her panties, not when he hoists her up and sets her bare ass down right on top of the manila envelope that brought him here in the first place.
“You’re sure?” he asks, though the fact that she’s got her hand wrapped around his shaft and is guiding him into her wet heat makes the question somewhat rhetorical.
Sex. Scully. Sex. Scully.
She takes him in with a gasp, and his knees wobble when she immediately quivers around him.
“ Shhhhiiiiit ,” he hisses under his breath.
He isn’t prepared for this. It’s been a few days since he jerked off, and under normal circumstances he’d spend as much time as necessary to make sure she got off before he even entertained the idea of coming himself. But it’s Scully, and she’s naked, and her little tits are perfect, and her cunt feels like heaven, and he’s so jacked up on all this E.B.E. shit that he’s operating on a hair trigger as it is.
Baseball. Parking tickets. Budget meetings. Airport security. He imagines something banal with each thrust, trying not to notice the slick sounds of just how wet she is.
It’s not working. Her hips jump up off the table as she slams herself into him, holding steady with one hand on the back of his neck and the other planted on the tabletop. They hold their faces close together, not quite kissing but not giving enough distance that they might meet eyes and realize how stupid this is. Mulder closes his eyes to block out the visual input of her tight pink nipples bouncing on every thrust and holds on for dear life, determined not to make this both a mistake and a disappointment.
“Oh god,” Scully shouts just before she clamps down on him.
Stars burst behind his eyes and he quickly goes from on the edge to careening over it, coming so hard he can barely stay standing. Scully throbs powerfully around him, moaning beautifully in his ear while her cunt strokes every last drop of cum out of him. By the time they’re both finished, she’s on her back and he’s draped over her, listening to her heart slow and wondering what the hell will happen now.
“There’s a roll of paper towels on the counter there,” Scully says, pointing just over his shoulder.
Mulder slowly stands and pulls out of her, and they both politely avert their eyes while he grabs the roll of towels and rips one off before handing it to her. After pulling his pants back up, he quickly retrieves her clothes from the various places they landed and turns his back while she dresses. The manila envelope is now sporting a wet spot in the shape of a wide “V,” which he carefully wipes away. Only then does it occur to him that they didn’t use a condom.
“I’m on birth control,” Scully says, as though reading his thoughts. He turns and looks at her just as she’s tucking her shirt back into her slacks, offering her an awkward smile that she returns.
“That’s reassuring,” he says.
He taps the edge of the damp envelope against his palm, trying to think of something to say that won’t come across as flip or crude.
“I’m sorry,” Scully begins, giving him only quick glances. “That was very unprofessional.”
Mulder laughs, and she looks at him sharply with a mildly bemused expression.
“Sorry,” he says, shaking his head. “Pretty sure it was a mutually unprofessional indiscretion. Takes two to tango, as they say.”
Scully smiles bashfully. “Right,” she says with a nod.
“We got a bit carried away. Happens,” he offers, and he sees her relax.
“Shouldn’t happen again, though,” she says, and he detects a hint of a questioning inflection.
“Right,” he agrees. “Well, I better get going,” he says as he moves towards the door. “Need to see a man about having a photograph analyzed.”
Scully’s expression of surprise quickly gives way to amusement.
“So that’s all it took to convince you, then,” she observes, clearly mildly embarrassed by her own joke.
“I am but a man,” he teases back, delighted by her genuine smile. “We’re um…we’re good?” he asks.
She meets his eye and nods. “Yup,” she says, seeming confident that they can move past this, if not still a bit chagrined that it happened in the first place.
“See you in the morning,” he says as she opens the door to let him out. He takes one step beyond the threshold, but then turns back and leans down to bring his lips to her ear. “I think it’s remotely plausible that somebody thinks you’re hot,” he whispers, then presses a kiss to her cheek before he turns and leaves.
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I meant to ask yesterday, but how ab some touch starved Harvey head cannons? <3
🤝Touch-Starved Harvey🤝
synopsis: Exactly what it says on the tin <3 Our favorite town doctor craves physical intimacy more than he knows. Headcanons+drabble of how he copes with it, how he reacts to physical contact, and a bonus of how he reacts to receiving physical affection! gn!Farmer, romance. SFW.
w.c.: 1.7k words!
content warnings: None!
A.N.: BABY'S FIRST REQUEST! Thank you so much :,) Highkey this was super enjoyable for me to write and I'm REALLY happy that you liked my other post enough to pop in!!! Enjoy <3
Before the farmer, before befriending Maru and assimilating into his role as the meek and respectful town doctor, he had always been rather avoidant to initiating casual physical contact. Everything he gave, everything he received- it all ranged from polite social expectancies to standard work-related procedures. He didn't think much of it. Having always been a more anxious type, the possibility of making another uncomfortable was always on his mind in these interactions, and what better way to avoid such a thing than to not have it at all? Handshakes and the occasional stiff hug were enough for him. Unfortunately, this proved to be a bit of an oversight on his end, considering the side-effects it would provide.
By the time the farmer arrives, his chronic loneliness has very much caught up with him. Not only has he distanced himself physically from others around him, but mentally as well. Outside of his clinic, the way Harvey's been so avoidant to touch has turned it into a source of anxiety for him. His self-consciousness extends to this field as well- when Granny Evelyn beckons him to lean down for a hug after he's finished his house visit to George, he worries that he's hugged her too tightly or for too long in the very back of his mind. Even the handshake exchanged with the governor at the last year's Luau haunts his memory, with the constant niggling thought that he hadn't been firm enough.
And don't get this man started on his non-existent romantic life. Moving to such a small town those few years ago, he knew that prospects like that would be limited, to say the very least. Many of the eligible singles in town, as lovely as they were, were...well, not exactly his type. And even those that were, how could a guy like him ever manage anything with anyone? The thought of being forward or flirtatious in any way practically gave him hives. But the idea of having someone to be close to, physically and emotionally...He couldn't say that he didn't crave that. But all in all, he wholeheartedly believed that it wasn't in the cards for him and his touch-starved ways.
Enter the farmer. They were just another patient to Harvey in the beginning, another member of the town for him to look after. He didn't pay much attention when they touched him or when he touched them, aside from his ordinary overthinking. He couldn't afford to think too deeply about, really. He was their doctor, for Yoba's sake, and whether it was a friendly punch in the arm or a simple tap on the shoulder to get his attention, it would be highly unprofessional to dwell on. Besides, the mystique of being new in town and charmingly single was sure to draw them quite a few pairs of eyes, anyway. How could he compete?
Well...He definitely began thinking about that. Time marched forward as time does, and an unexpected friendship began to blossom. Harvey being Harvey, it was hard for him to recognize his developing feelings at first. Their gestures became more frequent, and his heart swelled with each one. Whether it be grabbing his wrist to drag him to see their chickens or a grateful hug for patching them up after a night in the mines, it lingered in his mind longer than it should have. When the day came that he idly pondered asking them to the coming year's Flower Dance, it all suddenly became clear to him: He'd fallen. And he'd fallen hard.
Everything suddenly became so much more meaningful. The coffee and pickles they'd frequently brought him, fresh from their farm. When he caught them looking at him and only him among the faces of a festival crowd, was that a sign? Did they think about him as often as he thought about them? Did they think about his touch the way he thought about theirs? With all these thoughts swirling about in his head, he would suddenly become much more reserved around the farmer, quiet and flustered as if a single word could shatter the friendship they'd so carefully cultivated already.
Eventually, something would have to be said about his behavior. This is Harvey, after all- and even if it weren't, who in their right mind would suddenly clam up the way he did for no good reason?
Clamming up...Was that what he was doing?
Harvey sighed to himself as he took in the early summer atmosphere. He brushed his knuckle over the surface of the fountain's water, sitting contemplatively at its edge.
It was on days like these where he wished he had the confidence and sense to dress down a little rather than sweltering away in his slacks and button-up shirt, but there were other things on his mind. The sweat on his brow was the least of his concern. How could it be anything else? He'd recently realized that it had been two or three weeks since he'd realized his feelings towards the farmer, after all- which marked two or three weeks since his overthinking was pushed into overdrive by every little moment between them.
His mind wandered back to the early days of their friendship. When Harvey closed his eyes envisioned his feelings, true to his bookish personality, he saw a graph. With every little moment between them, the line grew bit by bit until it became positively exponential.
The way the farmer aided him at George's check-up was the first incident he could recall. When George, being every bit the stubborn old man he was at first glance, chastised Harvey for his advice, their sudden appearance ended up making the appointment much less of a headache than he expected. Their own appointment went a similar route, with them being one of his easier patients.
It went as smoothly as it could have. Harvey had nearly forgotten the incident, but their pulse stuck out in the otherwise unremarkable memory. They were a farmer, for Yoba's sake. They had a business to run, physical labor to attend to and an entire town to entertain to keep themself afloat both financially and socially. Any other doctor wouldn't've thought twice about it and simply moved on with their day.
Any other doctor wouldn't've fallen this hard for a patient, he reminded himself grimly.
"Hey, Harvey!"
In an instant, his thoughtful silence shattered like an egg thrown at the mountainside at the sound of the familiar voice. They'd sought him out. Did he really mean that much to them?
Damn it all, doctor, don't get your hopes up!
The contents of the farmer's backpack rustled and clanged with every step as they trotted up to him. With a proud grin on their face, they held out their hand expectantly, a small something clutched in their fist.
"Oh. Erm...Hi. How are you today?" Harvey asked politely.
The farmer blinked, then smiled warmly. "I'm doing alright. Just got back from the mines. Don't have a heart attack, I managed to find that purple mushroom you asked for at a level that wouldn't kill me."
Harvey chuckled stiffly, reaching for the mushroom presented in their hand.
Big, big mistake.
It was a simple brush of their fingers. He hesitated to even call it a mere accident. They seemed so calm, despite the fact that he'd definitely lingered for a millisecond longer than he should have. In the moment, he cleared his throat awkwardly, preparing to apologize-
"Harvey."
"Ah, I'm sor- Yes?" he stammered, smiling in a way he prayed didn't seem nervous.
"If you're going to apologize for touching me," the farmer began, gently yet firmly, "I'm gonna take that mushroom right back. You're squeezing that poor fungus to death, anyway."
It was only at their words that he noticed his death grip on the mushroom. He opened his mouth to apologize anyway, but the farmer continued, "That's just something I noticed, you know? One, you've been super quiet with me lately, and two, every time we so much as brush up against each other when we do talk, you start tripping over your words and apologizing as if you just slapped me."
"I know that you do get bouts of anxiety, but..." The farmer trailed off, "We're still friends, right?"
Their question was genuine, concern-wrought and excruciatingly, painfully innocent. Harvey could hear their voice quieting as it left their lips- not accusatory, simply gentle and ready for whatever answer he'd give.
Harvey fumbled over his words before they'd even left his mouth. To explain himself would be to reveal the absolute fool he had been. Avoiding them for as long as he did would've only harmed their relationship, just as the farmer revealed had happened that moment. Of course they were worried. Of course they wondered whether or not he was mad at them. Of course they'd be hurt by the way he'd shied from every touch of theirs, all because he had made great towering mountains out of the littlest molehills.
"Harvey…?"
"It's complicated," he blurted out.
The farmer's eyes widened as the words poured out of him. "I've tried to keep our relationship professional at first. After that, I- I thought it would be strictly platonic. I didn't even consider the fact that I would feel this way about you."
"What do you mean 'this way?'" they prompted him gently.
This farmer was going to kill him with how sweetly patient they were being.
With a deep breath, he spat it out.
"I'm interested in you. Romantically."
What Harvey expected in that moment was a kind let-down. A small speech about how they value him as a friend, but can't see any sort of future with them. At worst, a sneer and a more curt rejection. They wouldn't be the type to laugh and mock him, this much he knew. What he hadn't expected was the smile pricking at their lips. Nor did he anticipate the way they reached softly for his hand and the electric joy that set every nerve in his body alight at their touch.
It was all clear now. And damn, he truly was a fool to believe so deeply that they didn't feel the same.
"Is that all, big guy?"
…
Oh, farmer. You'll be the death of this doctor yet.
~FIN~
#stardew valley#stardew valley harvey#harvey stardew valley#stardew harvey#stardew valley headcanons
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things i wish the sonic franchise brought back or implement.
.
Dark Sonic
seriously, i love imagining a fight between Dark Sonic and Eggman inspired by Korra vs. Zaheer ( when she was poisoned ). where he loses the cool attitude, the smile, everything, and goes in with full power, charging himself left and right at Eggman. it'd be even more fascinating to still have Dark Sonic lose. not because of his lack of power, not because of lack of skill, even when blinded by rage, but because of Eggman's ingenuity.
a lot of people, to this day, misinterpret Dark Sonic as a murderous, rampaging monster, but that completely misses the purpose of why he exists to begin with. i believe this is a case of people not exactly knowing where he comes from, or just a lot of fans drawing a murderous Sonic and it took the internet by storm one day, but just in case you don't know:
Dark Sonic is from Sonic X, a TV show that is sort of an expansion on Sonic Adventure 2, adding more lore, character arcs, and overall meaning to the game's original plot. Dark Sonic was revealed in the episode "Teasing Time" in s3, and the reason he appeared is because he discovered his friends ( Cosmo and Chris ) were injured and that one of them ( Chris ) was unconscious.
the whole reason this form exists is Sonic's love for his friends essentially fueling his rage. it's like Darkspine Sonic from SATSR, or has similar formula. Dark Sonic isn't inspired by any bloodlust or desire to kill, but rather by burning anger at seeing his friends be put in harm's way.
Dark Sonic is made from the strong desire to protect his friends.
2. An Actual Arc For Shadow
you guys might be confused, especially if you consider some of my previous posts, but lemme explain.
for a long time, it's never felt like Shadow has actually recovered from his trauma, atone for his actions ( yes, i understand he saved Earth ), or live life really at all. it doesn't help that, to this day, SEGA continues to make Shadow relive the past.
i don't consider the movies to be a part of the problem, as Shadow being introduced to the plot was basically a given, and you can't introduce him in your own take without his general backstory ( unless you're Boom or Prime, i guess ). i believe the movie will be doing taking some creative liberties to his story, as they did so with Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles, and i see no reason that they should stop.
the reason why i have an issue with this is because it's an ongoing issue within the games, specifically. Shadow the Hedgehog ( 2005 ) was a disservice to his setup and the 'first arc' ( considering he's still alive after the fans demanded his return ) to his story.
aside from it just giving 'early 2010s deviantart edge', it's just so...
childishly handled.
for one, you're immediately given a Hero or Dark route, like in SA2, which i feel completely misses the point of SA2's true ending. Shadow has redeemed himself ( or began to ), so to give him complete reign to just become an antagonist all over again defeats the whole purpose of a redemption.
it's like what Prime did with Dread, giving him an already established redemption arc ( sort of ), but then corrupting him again for no real reason other than just because.
another issue i have is Shadow's amnesia and attitude in general within the game. technically speaking, yes, it does make sense for him to suffer memory and // or physical issues from his fall from space, but to completely wipe out every single thing he did just to give him the opportunity to relearn his past, do some fucked up shit, do some less fucked up shit, then throw away everything in the past, Maria and her wish included, is...
amazingly obtuse, for lack of a better word.
again, while it's technically not out of bounds, i feel like giving Shadow complete and total amnesia just disrespects SA2's vision and execution of the story. it's redundant, it's lazy, and overall just really damn frustrating to watch.
Shadow deserves to have a story that allows him to heal from his trauma, discover who he is, and respecting Maria's wish along the way. a lot of people seem to think it's either he forgets about his past ( or buries it ) or full-on dedicates his entire life and doesn't bother picking up a life lesson or two, but it doesn't have to be that way.
Shadow can heal, grow, and change. SEGA just won't let him.
3. The Echidna Tribe & Knuckles' Story
Knuckles is one of my favorite characters in the entire franchise as a whole, but his character and story is sorely dismissed. while Shadow has the issue of repetition, Knuckles suffers from being dropped on the head multiple times and played for a joke ( i think Frontiers is one of the more recent games that didn't do this, but i might be wrong ).
one of the reasons why i love Knuckles is how straightforward, yet reluctant he was about finding out his past. at the end of Sonic Adventure 1, he says something to the extent of:
"maybe i'm better off not knowing the meaning behind all of this. because i feel something terrible will happen if i do."
he is content being ignorant for the sake of his own peace of mind.
but in SA2, he's more or less forced to start facing his fear and learn more about the past. unfortunately, though, we don't actually get to see much after this game, because the tribe is almost entirely forgotten. instead, it's brought up in comics that are more or less canon ( i think ), but not fully aligning with the games. i think it's safe to say the comics are their own canon?
like with Shadow, i would've loved to see an actual conclusion on this arc of Knuckles' story. to see more of the tribe in the past, of their wrongdoings, character moments, more of Tikal or Chaos or the little Chao, and how it all ties together.
but instead, we have lots of media repeatedly insulting Knuckles' intelligence, ignoring his tribe and // or his job entirely ( i guess they forget the Master Emerald is portable? ), and just generally dumbing him down to be a hotheaded moron that apparently doesn't care about being the Guardian!
Knuckles is one of the most relatable characters in this series for me, as there's a lot of things i would rather not know and stay ignorant to, but have to face head on in order to fully move past it and grow to be better.
he was completely isolated on Angel Island for so long, yet people still make fun of him to this day for being manipulated by Eggman in SA1 ( even though he didn't even fully believe Eggman, it was just a precaution, but who cares about the details- ). he's not just a hothead, he's strong, he's kind, he's pretty blunt and, honestly, really fucking adorable, i love this echidna.
look at him, just standing there. i love him.
anyway, Knuckles deserves a proper story surrounding his tribe, his identity as the Guardian of Angel Island, his relationships, and to have a satisfying conclusion. or, at the very least, more games or media in general not dumbing him down to an angry hothead with nothing better to do but to yell and ignore his responsibilities.
3. Sonic
"what're you talking about, ashe? sonic's meant to be a flat character! what could be wrong with him?"
yeah, but after frontiers, i want more mentally ill sonic that needs to be concerned for by his friends, okay, that's all i want-
4. Storybook Era
now, now, i know a lot of people don't like the storybook games because of their shoddy gameplay and all that, but i genuinely love these games, their flaws included.
i do believe satbk has a better story than satsr, but i still have an attachment to the latter game, so suck it.
it'd be really nice to see a storybook game with switch, xbox, ps, or similar controls. as the era has Sonic diving into different worlds, maybe a world like Alice and Wonderland could be an interesting game. several elements to work with, locations turning into creative levels or even hub worlds. this is sort of a long shot dream that will probably never exist, but i wanna see an adventure-style storybook game one day.
i'll probably die before that idea is even considered, but it's a fun thought and that's all that matters at the end of the day.
there's no real big reason as to why these matter or anything, as i don't believe you need a storybook in order to send off the messages these games try to give, but they're just really charming to me and i love to see how this type of game could be implemented into video games today, with all the new engines and whatnot.
5. Teams
oof, okay, um-
there's a few games that have teams in them, and i guess you can count sonic forces as one of those games, so i should be more specific here.
i like SA1's flexibility with the roulette-like system, where you could play as any character you wished, but i also like SA2's team system, where they all had a close-knit role within the story from a similar perspective ( hero vs. dark ).
SA1 served multiple perspectives, all giving you pieces of the same puzzle that you have to figure out as you go. by the final story, all of the characters ( except Big, but idc, i love him ) have their character arcs and it's with their changes that the story is fully complete.
SA2 served the entirety of two perspectives and merged them together for the final story, heroes and villains having to work together to fight off the greater evil at hand.
overall, i want more games having the characters work together, having different details // information or even moral differences ( it depends on which system they go with, though ) on the situation at large, but maybe still having to come together.
whether or not they use official teams, i want the sonic franchise to bring back using other characters as necessary plot points with their own individual arcs.
it may not be needed, per say, as there's still a few games that work and don't have either of these systems, but i really miss the adventure games and wish for more of their elements to be implemented in future games.
6. CHAO!!!
BRING THESE LITTLE CREATURES BACK, GODDAMN, WHY ONLY TWO GAMES?!
.
anyway, that's all i can currently think of. i think these would serve either character or charm to the franchise, but maybe you have some other ideas of what the games could give! maybe proper returns of characters, other forgotten stories, or even new ideas!
lemme know what you think.
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic adventure#sonic adventure 2#sa1#sa2#dark sonic#sonic#shadow the hedgehog#shadow#knuckles the echidna#knuckles#team sonic#team dark#team rose#team chaotix#chao#chao garden
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Just read the whole 'how Andreil pans out' ask and all I'm saying is that I love the idea of Andrew Courting Abram and Abram just absolutely misses that it's what is happening. Part of it is just a cultural difference, Evermore and Palmetto have different courting cultures perhaps?
Another part is that Andrew really does not act all THAT different. He's giving Abram gifts but like Andrew is always giving Abram stuff? It's not new? Yeah they had dinner together but that's just like what they......do?
Another another part is just Abram not even considering himself as someone worthy to be with Prince Andrew like that. He wasn't worthy before and after Evermore and everything I could imagine he feels even less like a person let alone a person who deserves Andrew's positive regard.
IDK I just love the idea of Abram at some point like 6 months into Andrew trying to court him seeing that behavior somewhere else, being told that's how nobility in Palmetto court others, and going to Andrew like "Have you, perchance, been trying to court me?"
Andrew setting his glass aside and looking up from where he's seated, "For 6 moons Abram, glad you've finally noticed." - @jtl-fics
jtl I. Wish. You could have seen my face as I read this, this is so hilarious and heartbreaking and lovely all in one and I’m in LOVE okay i love this so much. And we can totally make it work ahhhhh
Like yes! Yeah! Andrew’s already a gift giver, it’s just what he does as far as Abram’s concerned, and they spend so much time together that dinner isn’t strange those are perfect points. Like to the court it’s starting to become obvious - maybe in the kinds of gifts Andrew gives, or some other small things that are new, yes, but Abram has always taken these things in stride and usually his lack of judgement when Andrew tries new things or changes in little ways is a huge relief but not this time Abram PLEASE
Finally Andrew just bites the bullet and goes for a gesture that’s way more out of character and harder to mistake, which might look something like this (and thank you @leedee013 for tags about them giving each other flowers that I LOVED):
And Abram can’t really form his thoughts into words because like you said; he doesn’t think he should be allowed something like that, there’s no way he’s ever EVER going to assume that Andrew is trying to confess or clue him in to a courting like this, even if it’s in his head now
But then Lady Reynolds sees Abram later heading back to the castle/wherever he stays carrying this bouquet of carnations (fascination), narcissus (honesty/truth) and acacia (hidden love) (let’s not look too closely into these flower meanings lol, i picked the first ones I found and I’ll field all further questions with ‘artistic liberty’ 🫶) and they’re pretty close friends by now so she’s immediately like “oh my GODS Abram who gave that to you”
And Abram quietly says “the prince”
And Allison’s won like three separate bets between various other people of the court and she’s elated
But maybe she takes pity on him when she realizes exactly how clueless Abram is, so she does her best to explain everything and finally, Abram begins to allow the possibility that maybe Andrew is doing all this on purpose. But he would really rather like to be certain.
And of course I had to draw your little exchange but I did it from memory so apologies for the changes in dialogue but I love it:
ANYWAY from there, when it’s cleared up, it’s just them being dumb and sweet and grasping at straws for how to be in love and natural about it (because they’re both very private people and a good number of average/expected acts of courtship aren’t necessarily in their wheelhouse) 😭🥹 and not to add yet more hurt/comfort but Andrew is so so determined to figure out a way to assure and reassure Abram that he knows what he’s doing, yes Abram is worth it, yes he’s doing these things because he wants to. If he didn’t want to he wouldn’t be doing it in the first place. And I’ll bring it back around by using my previously mentioned artistic liberty to say that yes Prince Andrew loves having his hands held/kissed (just by Abram naturally) and Abram figures this out and absolutely uses it against him. They love each other your honor
Okay anyway thank you for the ask, I’m SO lucky to have such brilliant people in my inbox 🥰
#STG I WAS SMILING SO BIG WHEN I READ IT THROUGH#yeah they probably would have very different traditions! I like that a lot!#so it’d be even funnier when Abram finally calms down and relaxes into it#and yeah they can do flowers that works fine#but he probably accidentally/as a last effort tries some traditions from his native kingdom#they’re trying so hard but it’s a little lost in translation#ships passing in the night#they’re hopeless and I love them#GOD KEVIN WOULD HAVE TO DO THE TRANSLATION OF THE DIFFERENT CUSTOMS#He wants out of it so bad but there’s literally no one else to ask 😂😭#idk if either of them would ever deign to involve or ask Kevin but now I’m laughing#anyway I need to stop or I’ll never shut up about this#thank you this is great#fan art#my art#aftg#all for the game#neil josten#andrew minyard#allison reynolds#royal au#asks#chibi
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Good Luck Charm - Chapter 26
Summary: After being married, Negan decides to take Y/N to a place they visited once when they were younger to give her a honeymoon which brings back old memories.
Characters: Negan, Y/N/reader (OC), etc.
Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Some Smut, etc.
AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39423063/chapters/135889690
Notes: I have several chapters of this still planned. I know I took a very long break from this one and I'm sorry, but I'm doing my best to finish the stories that I still have opened. I want to make sure to finish them all. Thanks to anyone that might still read this one!
“Do you really think it’s safe leaving the kids with strangers?” Y/N inquired while her and Negan walked through the woods to an area that Negan insisted they get out of the car to walk to. The sound of Negan not walking far behind her was heard and it made her swallow down hard. “I know that you trust these people, but after hearing the way some of them talk to you I’m not sure that they are the safest people for the children to be around.”
“Hey, I know what I’m doing, okay?” Negan snickered from behind her, pushing aside some of the brush that was in front of him while he followed her. “I know some of my men are questionable, but I know who to put my faith in when it comes to the children. I wouldn’t put their lives on the line, I promise you.”
“I want to believe you, but with your past…” she looked over her shoulder at Negan hearing him let out a grumble that showed his displeasure over the fact she was still holding the past over his head. “It takes a lot to regain my trust Negan. I’m not who I used to be.”
“You trusted me enough to marry me,” Negan reminded her, moving in beside her to pinch her bottom causing a yelp to fall from her throat. An amused snicker fell deep from within him and it made her roll her eyes. “I think if you were worried, we wouldn’t be here going away for our so-called honeymoon. You probably would have killed me.”
“I came close a few times,” she pointed out and he let out an amused rumble. “It’s just been hard for me to be away from the children. Since this whole thing started, I’ve never really been apart from them.”
“Exactly, which is why you need this break,” Negan hushed her, his arm hooking loosely around her waist while he led her in closer to him. “For years, all you ever wanted was to be married to me. Now you are and we’re going to do it right. Well, as right as you possibly can in a world like this.”
“Oh, so you’re going to divorce the women that are your other wives?” she blurt out and it was followed by another rumble of a growl. “That’s what I thought.”
“The only real wife that I have is you and you know that,” Negan pushed further, his arm tightening around her in a possessive grasp. “I think we just need to focus on how we’re actually together now. Married. Like a real couple. The way it should have been a long time ago.”
“Mhmm,” she stopped moving, reaching for his hand to pull him to face her. A long exhale fell from her lips while she stared up at him. Palming down over the side of his face, she drew him to her and shook her head slowly. “You know how much I love you Negan. How much I’ve always loved you.”
“Of course I do,” Negan whispered, his thumb drawing lines over the side of her face. “You know I love you too. Very much. And once you came back into my life I decided that I was going to stop wasting fucking time. I’m gonna focus on being a good dad to my children. Nathan and Evie are gonna know what it’s like to have a good father in their life. You’re going to know what it’s like to be pampered the way you are meant to be.”
Tipping up on her toes, Y/N met Negan in a faint kiss that made him hum against her flesh. Stroking his fingers over the side of her face, Negan pulled back ever so slightly and his hazel eyes were locked on hers. There was always something in the way that Negan looked at her that took her breath away. She hated it, but also loved it at the same time.
“I love you,” Negan slurred, leaning in to skim his lips in over hers drawing her to close her eyes tightly. Warmth flooded her veins when he finally claimed her lips in a heated kiss. His right hand palmed in over her bottom and she huffed out. “What?”
“Are you ever going to tell me where you are taking me? Are we almost there or…?” she braced her hand over the center of his chest, purring out when he nibbled at her bottom lip. “Negan.”
“We’re almost there, here…” Negan reached for her hand leading her through the woods, looking back at her with an amused expression. “I wanna see if you remember this place…”
“What do you mean?” she smirked knowing that they had been walking for a while toward an area that felt uphill. When he pushed aside one of the bushes, she let out an amused sound when she saw the group of tiny cabins that sat at the top of a hill that overlooked a large body of water. “God, not this place.”
“So you remember this place?” Negan felt her pulling her hand from his when she moved toward the center of the camp to gaze around. “I thought maybe you would forget it.”
“How could I forget this place? Sure things are overgrown, but I would never forget this place,” she let out something that resembled a giggle and Negan smiled brightly, shoving his hands into his pockets while she looked around. Pointing to one of the cabins, she looked back at Negan and saw him nod. “It was the first year that we were dating. You wanted to go on a road trip with no plans. Just hit the road and see where we ended up. So we got on your motorcycle and just started off in whatever direction I picked.”
“And not far into the trip you started getting handsy so we pulled off here and decided to break into one of these cabins,” Negan added to the conversation hearing her let out an amused sound. “We both agreed these things were ridiculously small, but they were good enough for what we needed which was to just have sex. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other…”
“And we didn’t close the door the first time and there was that deer,” she recalled making Negan huff out when she turned to face him.
“The deer was a pervert that just wanted to spy on us,” Negan walked across the gravel toward her when she moved up the steps to the cabin that they had snuck in together almost fourteen years ago. “I still think that deer wanted a piece of me.”
“You would,” she noted looking into the windows of the cabin to let out a sigh. “We ended up just staying the night after you chased the deer off. I remember late into the night you thought it was the deer coming back and you ran out buck ass naked…” her laughter grew louder making Negan’s face flush over with warmth. “And it was a group of campers that were actually staying here coming back from their hike…”
“Thank God they were all college kids,” Negan snorted finding amusement in the fact that she still found what happened back then so funny. “College kids that understood our situation and let us continue to stay the night in our cabin.”
“I told you to put some pants on when you went to chase the thing off, but you were so…I don’t even think I know the word,” she recalled their past, pushing open the door to see that there was a small mattress set up in the tiny cabin along with a few things and she gazed back at him over her shoulder. “This was your idea for our honeymoon?”
“Listen, we always wanted to go and be by the water, but we were so focused on screwing around that we never got the chance. I thought you might enjoy the memory,” Negan reasoned with her, leaning against the doorframe when she moved into the small cabin. “I had the boys clean up the place and make sure that it was livable for us for the night. I thought maybe we could go for a walk by the water and then…”
“Have sex?” she suggested and it was followed by Negan letting out a thick rumble of laughter. “I assume that’s what you were looking for here?”
“Well,” Negan stepped forward, cornering her inside of the cabin. His breath was hot over her lips while his hazel eyes ate her alive with his stare. “I originally thought I would be romantic with everything. Go for a walk by the water hand in hand. Talk about things. Then maybe we would come back here, have a small dinner, make some smores and then afterwards I thought the two of us could get comfortable with one another and I would make love to you inside of the cabin,” Negan informed her drawing her breathing to get caught in her throat when he pressed his body in against hers. “But, if you want…I’d have no problem getting you on your knees to have you suck on my big cock before I feast on your beautiful, wet pussy. Then we can have sex on the beach. Grab one of the towels, take our clothes off and lay out on the sand. We can go as fast or as slow as you please. We can have sex all day if that’s what you desire. As long as you give me a few breaks to hydrate myself and allow the big guy some time to recuperate. I can have your pussy full and dripping with my cum by the end of the night if that’s what you want.”
“Jesus Negan,” she gasped when he curled his fingers underneath her thigh to pull it up and over his hip. Heat flooded her face and she felt her heart hammering inside of her chest. “Why do I suddenly feel like that girl at the bar all over again wanting you to deliver on everything you just said?”
“Because I still turn you on,” Negan’s nose nuzzled hers, his palm snaking between the two of them to caress over her most intimate parts. Tipping up, she brought their lips together and Negan’s tongue flicked out against hers. Their breathing grew louder when they started pawing at one another touching the other. “My cock is so fucking hard already.”
Dropping her hands, she fumbled with his belt and pulled apart his pants working to tug them open. Finding trouble at first in getting the zipper down, she didn’t hesitate to push down his pants and his boxer briefs when she undid the material. Almost immediately his cock sprung free from the cotton prison it was behind and her palm wrapped around his girthy length.
“Good girl,” Negan complimented her, his forehead pressing to hers while she jerked him off. Grunting, Negan watched her lowering down to her knees like he had suggested earlier. Pressing his left hand against the wall, he used the right to hook his fingers into her hair while she pressed wet kisses against the shaft. Closing his eyes, he bit down on his bottom lip as her lips wrapped around the tip. Moaning out, he enjoyed the way that her tongue lapped at the sensitive tip while she took her time bobbing her head over the length of him. The damp warmth of her mouth around him felt incredible. Even after this many years, he could never get sick of sexual acts with her. She knew exactly what to do in order to please him and it was exciting every time. “So good.”
The wet sounds her mouth made over him was turning him on even more with his hips bucking up toward the back of her throat. Her caress worked over his length as well and he was very verbal with her about everything. Praising her consistently. He knew that she loved that.
“Fuck,” Negan moaned out, falling forward when she deep throated him. Wincing out, it didn’t take much for him to be coming down her throat and having her swallowing down every drop of his release. When she pulled back, she wiped at her bottom lip and collected the taste of him before sucking at her fingertips. “You’re gonna be the death of me.”
Forcing her to him, he kissed her with everything that he had, tasting himself against her and groaning out against her flesh. Working open her pants, Negan was eager to get them from her body hearing her gasping when she almost fell over with his strength. Dropping down to his knees, Negan reached for her left leg and threw it in over his shoulder to give himself some space. Gasping out, she dug her fingers into his shoulders to brace herself when he peppered wet, hot kisses over the inside of her thigh. Once his mouth centered in over her core, he could feel her fingers sinking into his hair and clinging tightly to it.
Eagerly pleasuring her, Negan did what he knew she loved using his tongue and fingers in unison. It had her grasping at the wall with her free hand to try to brace herself. From the caresses of his tongue, the slurping and kissing over her most sensitive parts, it had her panting out his name and he loved every second of it. When she hit her first orgasm, he didn’t stop what he was doing. No, he wanted her not regretting a moment of agreeing to marry him after everything. Plunging his fingers into her, he caressed over her g-spot while his tongue and lips worked perfectly in unison over her clitoris.
“Negan,” she cried out his name when she came again and he let out an amused rumble when he lazily pulled his mouth away from her, bringing his fingers up to his lips to suck over them with a proud expression. “You’re something else.”
“I know,” Negan placed another small kiss over the inside of her thigh and carefully placed her leg back down. Standing up, he pressed his body to hers and smirked down at her. “Let’s go fuck by the water.”
“And what if a walker shows up?” she muttered against his lips hearing him snicker and he shrugged his shoulders.
“I’ll bring our lunch, our weapons and if a walker shows up while I’m balls deep inside of you, then we will deal with it,” Negan’s nose wrinkled when she rolled her eyes and pushed into the center of his chest. “How are your legs? Do you need me to carry you down there? They were kind of shaking up a storm.”
“My legs will work,” she answered working her pants back over her body. At first, she didn’t think they would genuinely do exactly what he said, but they did. Negan led her to the beach, laid out a towel and lowered her down on top of it after undressing her. They had sex on top of the towel that was much more passionate than she would have imagined it would have been, but afterwards when he was laying in over her, she found herself caressing at the back of his neck. With their bodies tangled together and the warmth of him over her, she closed her eyes and let out a long exhale. “It’s moments like this where the world actually feels normal again.”
“With my dick going soft inside of you,” Negan teased against the side of her neck. Letting out a disgusted breath had him snickering against her flesh. “I’m fucking with you baby.”
“You’re always going to be Negan,” she sank her fingers further into his damp, dark hair. Pressing a kiss to his temple had his head lifting and the weak smile he gave her made her heart skip a beat. “I mean when we are alone like this. Out on a beach with no one here. It reminds me of when we were younger without a care in the world.”
“Well we can make this world as normal as we can,” Negan grabbed her hand that had her ring on it. Peppering faint kisses over the back of it had her smiling. It made him happy to know that she could find happiness with him again after everything. “We’re starting slowly, but over time we can start building this world together.”
“This was all I ever wanted,” she reminded him with Negan’s thumb sweeping in over the ring that she was wearing. “To be married to you. To have you look at me the way you are.”
“I know,” Negan acknowledged with a hesitant smile, lowering his head to press his forehead to hers. “And now we get to spend the rest of our lives together working on the relationship that we should have been having this whole time.”
There was a silence that filled the air between them when Negan sighed. Pulling his hips back had both of them letting out muted moans before Negan laid in beside her. Having her cuddling in closer to his chest had his arm immediately wrapping around her to hold her tightly to him.
“I was thinking,” Negan began, licking at his lips when he lowered his head down to cuddle his chin in over the top of her head. “Mostly about our family. I want to work on building our family back up. I want to be a good father and a good husband. I think we can make this whole thing work together. Maybe when things get settled down the line, we can actually try adding to our family again. So I can do things right from the start. I fucked up so bad when you were pregnant with Evie and then with Nathan…”
“I don’t think we should have more,” she interrupted Negan, a sincerity in her eyes when she expressed how she felt about things. “Evie was hard, but nothing can describe just how hard it was having Nathan. I love that boy and I’m so thankful to have both of them in my life, but doing everything on my own was just too hard. With the way the world is right now Negan, we’re just lucky to have the two that we do have.”
“I know that,” Negan stressed, his brow line furrowing in frustration. Y/N’s fingers were stroking through the dark curls of hair that was over his chest showing that she wasn’t mad at him, just stressing her feelings to him on the subject. “I just want another chance to do things right.”
“You have a chance to make things right,” she reminded him, her fingers tracing up over the side of Negan’s face drawing his hazel eyes to her. A lump developed in Negan’s throat when those words hit him hard. “Having a new baby isn’t going to make things right. Focusing on your relationship with your son and daughter will. You have everything you could ever want and more in both Evie and Nathan. A boy and a girl. A little girl that loves you more than anything and would do absolutely anything for you. I think the real testament to your love and your hope for change is how hard you work on building your relationship with the two of them. What you do to make things right for them.”
“I’m going to spend the rest of my life loving my children, I just don’t think adding one more to the family would be a bad thing,” Negan suggested, his thumb sweeping in over her jawline to admire her with the way she was looking at him. “We make good looking babies and that’s something the world needs. More babies to fill it that aren’t totally ugly.”
“Nice sell honey,” she rolled her eyes, tapping playfully at his chest. Laying her head back down over his chest, she listened to the sturdy sounds of his heart beating and sighed. “We have so much to work on, I think that just needs to be a thought very far out in the future.”
“Well, you never know how much time you have with someone,” Negan countered, his tone shaken when he thought about his time with Lucille and how long they had been apart. “The world has always chose when the two of us should have a child, so I guess I’m going to leave it in mother nature’s hands.”
“You do that,” she replied with a hesitant smile, her lips pressing faint kisses over his chest again. “I don’t want to raise a baby in that place Negan. It’s hard enough thinking about how we are going to raise Evie and Nathan there.”
“The Sanctuary?” Negan responded, his face scrunching up in confusion when she nodded. “It’s safe there Y/N. We have food, crops, protection…”
“Enemies, nowhere to raise a family except for your bedroom, no real places for them to play and people who despise you,” she stopped him before he could continue to sell what a good place it was for their children to grow up in. Bracing herself over his chest, she shrugged her shoulders and sighed. “Part of me wishes that you come to your senses and you decide that you’re ready to give up this life. That you just want to be a dad and a husband.”
“I do want to be a dad and a husband,” Negan countered, his thick eyebrows bouncing up when he defended himself. “That’s all I want right now. To be with you and the kids. To continue working on my family so we can be happy.”
“It’s not going to happen at The Sanctuary Negan,” she declared, a sense of sadness flooding her features when she continued. “The best thing for your children would be for you to step down and move to the farm. We have everything there. Protection that you could enhance. Food that you are capable of growing. A home. A real home for the children to grow up.”
“You know that I can’t do that,” Negan frowned feeling the guilt that was eating away at him with her lecturing him about the farm again. “I know that you think that life is capable…”
“It is,” she interrupted him, her hand lifting up to stop him from going off any further. “You quit. You move to the farm and you be the family man that you insist you want to be. It’s that simple.”
“And I explained to you, it’s not that simple. I have people that count on me. I’m the leader of this group and if I walk away from it, I’m letting everyone down. People will die because of me leaving,” Negan pushed once more and he could tell that she wasn’t buying the story that he was selling. “I keep a balance there. I keep harmony between all of them because if I was gone, it would be a fucking disaster there.”
“You are in the middle of a war with another community that is hell bent on killing you,” she reminded Negan making his lips part. He went to say something, but he just huffed and made it clear by his lack of eye contact that she was right. “The people there, they hate you. Some might hero worship you, but mostly they are scared of you. I love you for the man that I know you to be, but the Negan that is in charge of that community? It’s the darkest parts of you I didn’t want to remember you for. Staying at The Sanctuary is just going to give your children a hostile environment to grow up in. It’s never going to be fully safe there Negan. You know that just as much as I do. I think you know that leaving and going to the farm is the best place for you. For all of us.”
“I can’t Y/N,” Negan whispered, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. “This is the one thing I built on my own. Maybe I don’t run it the way that I should, but through the years we were separated I learned really fast that being the good guy leads you to nothing but pain. All the good guy does is die. I don’t think I’m bad, but I don’t think I’m good either. I just do what I have to in order to keep people alive.”
“You know there was a day when that farmhouse was your dream,” she brought back their past and it had the color draining from Negan’s features. “That’s why I bought that house. It was everything you ever wanted. You wanted animals, a place where we could just have a family and be together. It was never my dream, it was yours.”
“I know,” he asserted, his hazel eyes tearing over when she looked upon him with such high expectations. “You’re right.”
“Then why are you so against that life?” she wondered, but he didn’t have an answer for her. In fact, it just made him uncomfortable and kind of emotional. “I love you, so fucking much. That’s why I agreed to marry you. That’s why I agreed to all of this crazy shit. Because beyond all doubt in this world, I know that my heart completely belongs to you. But right now, you are picking to be this character over your own family. You’re trying to balance the two, but you’re not. We’re secondary in your life Negan. And this Sanctuary Negan is going to continue to rule over the dreams you really had in your life. Not these false dreams that this world created for you.”
“I can’t be the man that I wanted to be when I was in my twenties Y/N,” Negan stated with a frown, his head shaking slowly. “Yeah. More than anything I wanted to be a dad. That was the thing I wanted more than anything. I wanted to be happy and I wanted to have a big family. That farmhouse was never achievable for me.”
“It was,” she shook her head with a scoff. “And it still is.”
“The world will not let me be the man that I always wanted when I was younger,” Negan repeated, his hands reaching up to cup her face in them tenderly. “I’ve done things. Things that I can’t take back and…”
“But you can run away from that life Negan,” she pushed, her eyes tearing over when she stared down at him with physical pain at the idea of what he was saying. “I know that you like feeling important. I know that you like having the power. Power feels good. But in the eyes of your children? You’re the most important person in the world. You are their hero. You’re their silly, amazing father that loves them. What more in the world could you possibly want?”
Parting his lips to say something, Negan huffed out with his bottom lip trembling and he was actually getting really emotional, “You have your second chance Negan and the world is holding it out for you. It’s giving you your second chance. It’s just waiting for you to take it. Because you have two beautiful children and a woman that loves you. A woman that has always loved you. A woman that has put you above her time and time again because all she ever wanted was to make you happy. A woman that just wishes that for once…” in that moment her words stopped and he saw that she pushed up to sit down on the towel. Slowly lifting up, Negan looked to her and saw that she was trying to hide that she was getting emotional herself. “A woman that wishes for once you would choose her. That choosing her over your own ego is what you really want.”
“I did choose you,” Negan curled his finger in underneath her chin to get her to look at him. His breath hitched when he saw the tears that were sliding down her face. “That’s why we are married Y/N. I chose you.”
“I just want to be enough for once Negan,” she informed him, a whimper falling from her parted lips. “You always told me that I was perfect. And god I hated hearing it. Because there was always that but that followed. You’re perfect Y/N. You’re just not perfect for me…”
“That was the past,” Negan reasoned with her and she let out a hesitant laugh. “I was so blinded by my own stupidity to see how things really were.”
“Negan, The Sanctuary is your Lucille now,” she spoke quietly, her jawline flexing when his hand lowered. Hearing that was like a kick to the gut. “You’re picking The Sanctuary over me. Over your children. And once again, I’m perfect, but I’m not perfect enough to give up this life for. I gave up all of my dreams for you Negan. Every single one of them. All I’m asking you to do is to finally take the dream you wanted from the start. The one you begged me for twelve to eleven years ago. Be a father. Move to the farm. Forget this life. You got to be powerful. You got to experience it. If you really, genuinely love me…be the family man you always wanted to be. Become that farmer. Take care of the crops and the animals. Cowboy Negan was always a very good look for you.”
“Shit,” Negan scoffed lowering his head down and letting out an upset breath. When she laid that out on the table before him like that, things really started to make sense to what she was saying. Stroking at the back of his neck, Negan shrugged his shoulders and sighed. “Fine. Yeah. You’re one hundred percent right.”
“About what?” she was curious seeing him wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand drawing attention to just how beautiful his hazel eyes truly were.
“That I need to give that place up. I have my family back,” Negan answered admitting to her that she was finally right. “I have my wife and my children back in my life and that farm was my dreamhouse. Which I’m fully capable of having now. I’ll move my men out. I will grab the things I want and we can go there. Be together. Live our life there and be happy.”
“Come on,” she sighed feeling like it was just something he was saying at this point. “You can’t say things that you don’t plan to follow up on Negan. I’ve known you for fifteen plus years.”
“Then look at me,” Negan demanded, reaching for her to get her to lock gazes with him again. “I promise you, when we get home I will let everyone know that I’m done. They can pick amongst themselves who they want to be their leader and I will take you along with the kids to the farm. We can be happy together. Like we always should have been. We’ll be out within the week.”
“Tell me you’re being serious,” she begged of him and Negan nodded his head.
“I’m very serious. You’re absolutely right. For too long you’ve been living your life for me. It’s time I finally lived the life I always stressed that I wanted,” Negan declared with a simple shrug of his shoulders feeling his chest aching. For so long she was in pain because of him and he knew that. “You are perfect. Perfect for me. Perfect for the children and I just want to spend the rest of my life proving to you how perfect you really are. I can’t do that at The Sanctuary. I swear to you with everything that I am. I fucking mean it.”
An amused rumble of laughter fell from his throat when she leapt forward into his arms knocking him back into the sand. Holding her close, Negan laughed and nuzzled his nose in against the side of her neck. He couldn’t remember a time that she was happy like this because of him making the right decision for once.
“I love you more than anything,” Negan admitted, his words vibrating against her flesh after he pressed kisses against her lips. There was something in the way she looked at him that took his breath away. “You’re everything to me. You and those kids. I’m not going to fuck it up this time.”
“Thank you Negan,” she breathed out, her forehead pressing to his while he stroked his fingers through her hair. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”
“I have an idea,” Negan whispered, squeezing her tightly in his arms. “It’s time I picked you for once. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
----
It was late into the morning and by now Negan should have been on his way back with Y/N to The Sanctuary, but he couldn’t find it in himself to move. Yesterday they had spent more time on the beach together before finding their way back to the cabin. Inside of it, they had shared memories and just talked for a while before falling back into one another again. Y/N had fallen asleep easily last night in his arms, but Negan didn’t get much sleep if any at all. Instead he just held her in his arms and watched her sleep. Everything she said the night before was true and he knew it was time for him to finally step up to be the man he always promised he wanted to be.
The sun was shining in through the small window, hitting them just enough from where they were laying together on the tiny mattress they were stretched out on together. Being someone that was a full-time father and farmer he knew they wouldn’t get as many chances to have these wild, crazy sex nights together. At The Sanctuary, he had people to watch over the children, but now he had to be one hundred percent dad. Even though he enjoyed moments like that, he was willing to finally take on that role. Honestly? Negan had never really been a fulltime dad. Not since Evie was born. Even though he was always on backup, Negan was a fulltime dad two weeks a month for seven years. Then the world fell to shit and Lucille got sick. That’s when he gave up being a dad completely. And that was the biggest mistake he felt like he ever made in his life.
Picking solely Lucille and throwing away his daughter was a stupid mistake chosen out of fear. So many days he wished he could take it back, but he couldn’t. Now he finally had the chance to make things right. For Evie. For Nathan. For Y/N and finally himself. Most of his nights had been fueled by nightmares since he lost Evie. Now he had the chance to live the life he always wanted. He should have taken it from the start, but now he was finally seeing just how important it actually was for him to take this step.
“You have the prettiest eyelashes I’ve ever seen,” Y/N’s voice was quiet while she shifted over his chest from where she had been sleeping. Gazing down, Negan saw that behind her tired eyes, she was staring out at him. “I was always drawn to your eyes and your smile.”
“I think little man has the eyelashes too,” Negan noted, stretching his body out finally when he knew that she was fully awake. All night he had tried to stay still because he was afraid of waking her up. “I think he’s going to be a charmer when he’s older. Winning the hearts of whoever he sets his sights on.”
“He has taken on a lot of your physical traits,” she agreed with Negan, a tiny smile pulling at her fatigued features. “Nathan has your looks. Evie has certainly got your personality.”
“I’d like to think they were an equal mix of both of us,” Negan gave her a wink, squeezing her in closer to his body with a snicker.
“Being at the farm will give me time to work on things with Evie too,” she admitted, her fingers stroking over the center of Negan’s chest. “For years our relationship has been terrible. She’s hated me for something I couldn’t control. Hopefully, with us being a family again and being at the farm we can finally make things right.”
“I thought things have been getting better,” Negan suggested, his eyes narrowing when he thought back on his discussions with Evie to be better to her mother. “I’ve heard her tell you that she loves you.”
“Yeah, but hopefully this can help heal our daughter’s heart,” she whispered, pressing a faint kiss over Negan’s shoulder. “She’s become someone I hardly know over the last few years. She used to be the happiest, smiley little girl. Whether she was with you or me. I always knew you were her favorite, but she loved me a lot too. Maybe we can finally get back to that at the farm. So I can spend more time trying to be a good mother to her. Focusing on her.”
“You’ve been an extremely good mother to her,” Negan stressed, his fingers sweeping in underneath her chin to get her to look up at him. Sadness remained from her talking about their daughter and Negan shook his head. “You kept our children safe. You made sure that they were always well kept and alive. Protected. You’re an amazing mother Y/N and I promise you, Evie is going to see that one day soon. And then everything will be back to normal.”
“I hope so,” she sighed, cuddling her head in against the center of Negan’s chest. “We should probably get ready to go, huh?”
“Eh,” Negan scoffed, his nose wrinkling in discomfort. “Let’s just wait a little while longer. This is the last time we can really fuck off as parents. Let’s take our time together and then slowly make our way back. I want to focus on the time I have with you for a little while.”
“So you want to have sex again?” she inquired, her eyebrow arching in amusement. Placing his free hand over the center of his chest, Negan shook his head. “Fine, I’ll just get dressed…”
Watching her crawling away made Negan huff when he swiftly moved in over her, pinning her down face first on the small bed that was beneath her. With a giggle, she felt Negan’s lips kissing down over the side of her neck and she purred out, “that’s what I thought.”
“You flash your ass at me, what am I supposed to do?” Negan wondered turning her onto her back to get her to look up at him with her arms hooking around his shoulders. “I am a man after all. My dick is already hard in the morning and then you go flashing your ass at me.”
“You’re a dork,” she snickered with Negan’s lips covering hers. Each kiss grew in intensity having her gasp out when Negan adjusted her legs to have them wrap around his waist. “Wait.”
“What is it?” Negan breathed out, nibbling at her bottom lip eliciting a purr from her. “You don’t want this?”
“I want this,” she assured him, stroking her fingers down over the side of his neck taking her time to stare up at him. “Can you just drag it out for me? As much as I like sex, I’m just kind of hoping for something where I feel loved. Where it feels like you are making love to me.”
“I have absolutely zero problems with that,” Negan whispered behind loving and passionate kisses.
And he gave her exactly what she asked of him. It was slow and unhurried. There was lots of touching, praises and careful movements. What she asked for, he delivered and afterwards they just laid together for a little while longer before starting to pack up with things.
“I think I’m going to steal a stash of the candy, coffee and the ice cream before we leave The Sanctuary,” Negan announced while they gathered their things and started heading back toward the car that Negan had parked down at the bottom of the mountain.
“Maybe some seeds for planting might be good too,” she suggested moving in beside him and making him yelp out when he felt her pinching his ass. It made him smile though that she was open to being that way with him.
“The hands woman!” Negan was loud and silly when he swatted her hand away from him. Once they had everything packed up back inside of the car, Negan reached for her hand to pull her in against his chest. “I love you. So fucking much. You know that.”
“Hmmm…I don’t know,” she whispered, she tipped up on her toes wrapping her arms around the back of his neck to pull him in closer to her. “Maybe you should say it again so I can think harder about it.”
“I fucking love you,” Negan slurred against her lips pulling her in closer to him. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” she whispered against his mouth, humming when they pulled away. “I always will.”
“Good,” Negan teased with a wrinkle of his nose. Palming down over her back, Negan’s palms squeezed at her bottom before peppering a few final kisses over her lips. “We need to start back on our drive. But just know, this is a day I won’t soon forget.”
“Nor will I baby,” she agreed with a wink following Negan to the car where he opened the door for her to get in. Taking the seat, she watched Negan almost skip to the other side where he got in himself. The smile on his face was contagious. And it made her happy to see. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you this happy for me.”
“I could say the very same thing about you,” Negan muttered, his fingers reaching out to sweep in over the side of her face. “I’m just glad that I’ve been lucky enough for you to give me so many chances Y/N. I never deserved them, but you never gave up on me. You were the one person that never did.”
Instead of saying something, she led him to her again to kiss him. It took his breath away and he nuzzled his nose in against hers. There was a need deep inside of his veins to show her all the love in the world. And he hoped that she felt it. Especially after everything he put her through. He wanted to spend the rest of his life trying to prove it too. And that started with finally giving up The Sanctuary to focus solely on his family.
On the drive back, they would have silly discussions since it was quite a distance for them. Just to keep each other focused. When they weren’t super far away from The Sanctuary though, Negan had noticed a small town that they hadn’t searched before.
“Why don’t we go search to see if there is something good?” she suggested, pointing in the direction of it. “It’s a town right off the water. There might be some good supplies there. We can find something for the farm and snag it before other people find it?”
“Shit,” Negan stopped the car, gazing over at her with a huff when he realized she was right. “I probably could just have them run out tomorrow and go search for things honey. That way it’s back at The Sanctuary before we actually leave.”
“I don’t mind Negan,” she offered seeing that he was actually considering his options. “It gives us more time together for our honeymoon.”
“Fine,” Negan grumbled under his breath, turning the car around so they could head back toward the city. Driving through it, Negan made sure that it seemed pretty much abandoned before parking on the main street in the small town. “There is no one here which makes me think it’s probably picked over babe.”
“Or we can just be lucky,” she eagerly got out of the car and stretched. Grabbing his weapon and Lucille, Negan was quick to follow after her as they made their way up main street looking over the stores that were there. “I remember when we went to places like this all the time when I had my days off. Your favorite place to eat was always that seafood restaurant.”
“I do love a good lobster roll,” Negan sighed thinking about the past when she used to pamper him. “God, I’d kill for one of those. They had the best biscuits, lobster rolls and soup. I probably could have eaten there every day if I wasn’t poor as fuck. I miss that shit.”
“If you get a few lobsters before we leave, we can try to recreate the recipe,” she suggested looking back over her shoulder at him with a simple shrug. “We aren’t that far away from the coast, right? I’m sure we can get someone to find some.”
“True,” Negan agreed with her, noticing the way that she was eyeing over the storefronts as they would pass them. “Do you remember when I was a deadbeat and I would make dinner for us all the time when you were at work?”
“Sure,” she smirked at the thought of him calling himself a deadbeat. “I remember Lucille telling me that when you lost your job at the school you became an even better cook.”
“Right,” Negan’s expression became somewhat serious when she brought up two negatives from his past. Lucille and losing his job at the school. “I was going to say that when I was living with Lucille, we didn’t get lobster a lot because we didn’t always have the funds, but there was one point where I made these two really incredible versions. I did the Maine style and the Connecticut style. I think I was on the verge of getting it just right.”
“You should have became a chef,” she commented, finding herself surprised when Negan’s fingers hooked with hers attempting his best to hold her hand. “I know you loved your sports, but you always loved cooking. I would have supported you.”
“You always took care of me Y/N,” Negan reminded her, stopping her enough to get her to look out at him. Reaching out, he brushed his fingers through her hair and sighed. “The sad thing is, I do believe if I told you I want to be a fucking chef, you would have opened a restaurant for me.”
“I would have done anything for you,” she breathed out, her eyes hooked on his and it made him let out a long exhale.
“I never doubted that,” Negan alerted her with a sigh leaning in to press his forehead against hers. “I probably would have been so much happier if I did become a chef.”
“Probably not,” she teased him, tipping her head back to stare into his hazel eyes. “The first time someone complained you would probably come out and dump the food over their heads before kicking their ass. I’d be bailing you out of jail all the time.”
“Touché,” Negan snickered, nuzzling his nose in against hers before something caught his attention in the corner. “From where we are I see a grocery store, a toy store and a bar. Let’s go hit up all three.”
“Sounds like a date we would have had when we were younger,” she suggested with a weak smile causing Negan’s nose to wrinkle. Keeping his fingers tightly around Lucille, he grabbed a hold of her hand and led her first toward the grocery store. The glass on the doors were shattered and she didn’t have a lot of faith that there would be much of anything after all this time. Tugging at the doors that were held together by a chain, Negan made enough room for her to get between them before following her in. Inside shelves were pushed over, broken glass covered the floor and there was a flickering light coming from the back of the store. “I’m going to guess this is a no go.”
“We’ll still look,” Negan hushed her, motioning her to wait. Tapping Lucille against the floor several times, Negan waited to see if he could draw out any of the walkers. When nothing happened, he looked back at her with a shrug. Grabbing a cart, Negan reached for it and pointed toward the basket. “Get in.”
“You must be joking,” her nose wrinkled looking down at the cart and he huffed.
“Have some fun,” Negan snickered, holding his hand out to help her into the cart after she rolled her eyes. Like he usually could, he convinced her to do what he wanted in getting into the shopping cart. Putting Lucille into the cart with her, Negan started rolling the cart throughout the store observing what was left on the shelves. “We used to fuck around a lot when we were younger.”
“In what fashion?” she tipped her head back and he smirked. “We got in some trouble in the first year together.”
“We did,” Negan snickered stopping in one aisle when he saw some cans sitting on the shelves. Reaching for the first few he wiggled them about causing her nose to wrinkle since it was sardines. Tossing it into the cart with her, Negan grabbed a few of the other cans that were left there knowing that it was things that were just picked over, but it didn’t hurt to have non-perishables. “I just meant we would do silly things like this. I remember when I did this with you that one time we ended up getting kicked out of that store.”
“Rightfully so, we were being stupid,” she reminded him with a hesitant laugh, “you were racing up and down the aisles like a maniac.”
“But you had fun,” Negan grumbled under his breath grabbing a firm hold of the handle starting to push the cart down the lanes quickly like he had done when they were younger. It had her grasping tightly to the sides of the cart with every sharp turn he took. Hearing her laughter made him smile figuring that she was reminiscing about their past and just having fun being silly.
“Negan!” she squealed out when one half of the cart went up on its side but he managed to catch it, slamming it down onto the ground. “You’re going to kill me if you keep doing that.”
“I’ve got you. You’re safe with me,” Negan assured her, pressing down to steal a quick kiss from her lips. Being more careful, they went through every lane and grabbed the things that were still left before he took her into the back. As soon as the door opened, Negan heard her let out an uncomfortable sound when they saw the long-decomposed corpse of someone that had hung themselves. “Well fuck.”
After some silence, Negan cleared his throat and moved around the body, “He probably had a stash in here somewhere if someone didn’t steal it already.”
“Negan,” she frowned noticing that Negan didn’t have a care in the world that there was a body hanging before them. Managing to work her way out of the cart, she was careful in the way she moved when she observed the body. “I don’t see any marks on him.”
“Some people just couldn’t handle the stress of things Y/N,” Negan let out an excited breath after pushing through some of the bags to see that there was one hidden with a bunch of supplies. Lifting the bag up, he moved in beside her to show her what he had. “Jackpot. Looks like they have some guns, food and tools.”
“Don’t you feel bad taking his things?” she pushed hearing Negan scoff when he set the bag down in the shopping cart.
“Why? He’s not using it,” Negan suggested moving around the back of the store. There were a few sleeping bags in there so he was surprised this was the only body they actually found. “You know Y/N, I learned to stop caring about people a long time ago. When you care about people it’s only going to get you killed.”
“You care about me,” she reminded him and Negan scoffed.
“That’s different,” Negan countered with a quick tip of his head.
Gasping out, Negan tugged at one of the bags knocking over one of the shelves. It had both of them jumping when a hidden area was revealed behind one of the walls. Clearing his throat, Negan’s eyes narrowed when he realized what was being hidden. Y/N went to step forward and Negan immediately shook his head, “Don’t.”
“What is it?” she of course couldn’t listen to him and moved in beside Negan to see what looked like three walkers that were fading away almost completely. Two of them looked like children and the other was a woman. “Jesus.”
“Come here,” Negan pulled her back toward him noticing the sadness that flooded her features. “You can’t let things like this bother you Y/N. They aren’t people anymore.”
“They were babies Negan,” she felt her throat going dry assuming that the body they found hanging was likely the father and the husband of the bodies that were almost completely fading away. “It bothers me to see what has happened to so many children.”
“It happened to most of the world,” Negan hooked his arms around her, pulling her into a tight squeeze. “Instead of being upset about people we never knew, you have to focus on the fact that all four of us are still here.”
With a nod, Y/N forced herself to look away and Negan urged her out away after doing another quick scope of what was left. There was a door they could get out of easier in the back. Taking the things back to the car, Negan packed them up and then led her toward the bar. When the doors were locked, Negan grumbled to himself and managed to break one of the windows. Crawling in, he motioned her to wait and then pulled the tables away from the door so she could get in. Once she was, Negan pushed the tables back and instructed her to wait for him while he checked the kitchen. And he was glad he had her stay where she was because there were multiple sets of bones in the freezer. Around the bar he was able to find some alcohol bottles and some bags of flour that hadn’t been used. After he was done setting them aside, he could see that Y/N was standing behind the bar and it made him smile.
“Does this bring back old memories for you?” Negan slid his hands across the bar top and stopped before her. Tapping his hands against the top of it, Negan bobbed his head about and she snickered. “I bet every time you came to a bar you thought about our first time together.”
“I did,” she agreed with him, looking behind the bar and her eyes fell upon a bottle of whiskey that was left there. Picking it up, she set it on top of the bar and watched him smile. “Believe it or not, I actually enjoyed being a bartender. I was good at it. And for the most part, it was always nice learning things about people. Sometimes it felt like people just came here to have someone to talk to because they had no one.”
“You want a drink?” Negan grabbed a hold of the bottle wiping it off with his white t-shirt. Managing to get it open, he smelled the alcohol inside before taking a long swig of it. Hissing out, he tipped his head to the side and sighed. Extending his hand out, he saw her eyeing over the bottle before accepting it. Considering her first sip, she shrugged her shoulders before taking a long drink of it as well.
“Do you remember when we first started dating? You used to come to the bar every night after that guy tried attacking me. You would just take the corner table at the start of my shift and you would stay until I left,” she pointed toward the back corner of the bar they were in and he smirked when she brought up their past. “I thought I was the luckiest girl alive. This incredibly handsome stranger saves me from getting hurt. He’s so good looking, charming, he’s good at sex and he’s well equipped,” she rambled off causing Negan’s nose to wrinkle and he snickered. “And he wants to keep me safe. I couldn’t believe that someone would ever be dumb enough to dump him. Sure, he may have been going through a rough time, but he was…perfect.”
Negan’s jawline flexed when she looked down toward the bar top and sighed, “I don’t know if you remember, but you used to draw all the time while you were waiting. I would come over and you’d have all these little things drawn out on bar napkins and you’d write me these notes.”
“I was always drawing back then. I used to think Evie started drawing because I was always doodling,” Negan noted, setting the bottle down and reaching out to stroke his hand in over Y/N’s. “What about it though?”
“I kept all of those,” she admitted with a weak smile, her head shaking when she let out a long sigh. “I used to always put them in my top drawer when I got home. I think I had even put them in a booklet at one point. It’s at our old house somewhere. Probably in my closet if it wasn’t stolen. There were two I always kept with me though. It was the ones where you would draw us as cartoon characters. The first one you ever drew me…and…”
“And?” Negan’s eyebrow arched in curiosity when her lips parted and she let out a tremoring breath.
“There was one you drew when I was pregnant of what was supposed to be us at our wedding. It was us at our wedding holding the baby. It was really cute. I still have them in the nightstand beside the bed at the farm if your men haven’t destroyed it. I had a few pictures in there too,” she declared with a long sigh grabbing the bottle to drink more than he expected her to.
“You really kept those?” Negan wondered, his throat tensing up when she nodded after setting it down. “They were just meant to be silly little things. I thought you would throw them away.”
“I was head over heels in love with you,” she reminded him grabbing the bottle before moving around the bar to go over toward the corner of the seating area to sit on the floor. Moving in beside her, Negan slowly lowered down and could tell that she was upset thinking about things. “You know, originally our four-month ultrasound was supposed to be a week later. You were just so excited that when they had an opening and called me, I took it.”
“Why are you doing this?” Negan’s Adam’s apple bounced in his throat when he noticed that she was getting upset again about their past. “You have to stop hurting yourself over our past.”
“You don’t ever think about how things would have been if we didn’t take that appointment that day?” Y/N inquired with Negan’s features growing sad. Tipping her head to the side, she shrugged her shoulders and sighed. “Of course you don’t. It gave you back Lucille, so why would you never want it to happen?”
“It gave you Lucille too,” Negan countered reaching for the bottle when he thought she was drinking too much of it. “And you loved Lucille too.”
“I love Lucille. Her dying didn’t stop me from loving her,” she corrected Negan, a shuddering breath falling from her throat. “A lot of my life I considered the what ifs. Like what if I would have taken that later appointment? We could have found out about our little girl. You would have been happy. You would have missed Lucille completely. We would have gotten married. Maybe we would have been living happily in that farm all along.”
“Or maybe I would have been bitten while working at the school,” Negan reasoned with her noticing the tears that were in her eyes. “I can’t even begin to apologize enough to you for our past. I fucked up. I fucked up so fucking bad. I know that. But it happened and we can’t change what happened. What matters is that we are together now. You always wanted to be married to me. Now you are. We have two beautiful children and by the end of the week we will be living at the farm together. You’re going to get everything you ever wanted in life. Everything I ever wanted in life. You have to think about that stuff and not the past.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry,” she apologized with Negan grabbing a hold of the bottle of alcohol to drink a hefty amount from it.
“Here I was thinking about the two of us absolutely plowing each other in the bar nightly. Whether it was the first night or every night after when you would close up. We had so much fun,” Negan recalled with a hiss when he lowered the bottle from his lips. “I had so many of the best memories from those nights. We figured out so many different ways to have sex in a bar…”
A loud sigh was heard and he noticed the way that Y/N was staring out at him from the things that he remembered, “What?”
“Nothing,” she shook her head letting out a long sigh. An uncomfortable laugh fell from her throat and Negan felt a warmth flooding into his face. “That’s really your best memories with us? The two of us fucking in the bar? I’m talking about the things you did that made me feel happy and safe. And all you can think about is us fucking?”
“I get in a bar Y/N and my dick gets hard thinking about it,” Negan answered with a simple shrug of his shoulders. Pointing down toward the center of his pants, Negan scoffed and let out a long exhale. “I was kind of hoping that we could have another round. Relive the past a bit. That’s why I picked a bar in the first place.”
“Of course you did,” she stole the bottle from him and stood up from the floor to pace.
“What’s wrong with me wanting to bend you over the bar and fuck you?” Negan questioned, his brow line furrowing when he let out a grunt as he tried pulling himself up. “It’s our honeymoon so to speak. I don’t see a problem with it. We like fucking each other. Our first time was in a bar and a significant part to the beginning of our life was fucking in a bar. So yes, I get in a bar and I think about fucking you which are pretty incredible moments.”
“I was searching for some of your favorite moments that you spent with me. Instead you responded with sex which is what I always thought our relationship was anyways. It would have been nice hearing some good memories that weren’t sex related,” she rolled her eyes, heading for the back when she heard Negan call out to her.
“The first night you let me sleep in your bed with you, I never felt more wanted in my entire life. I was never a hero. In fact, in my life I never felt as good as I did when I saved you that night. I’m not a hero Y/N. We both know that, but never in my life could I ever top that moment. I remember you were laying in my arms and I thought about how much I loved you. How much I wanted to keep you safe. I still remember the way you looked sleeping on my chest that night,” Negan rambled out, drawing her to walk back into the room with him when he approached her. “The day we got Darwin together is one of my absolute favorites. I close my eyes and I can still picture what it was like. His ears were so damn big and he was so fucking small. We would play with him in the backyard and he would trip over his ears. One of my favorites was when we moved in to that home after being in your apartment. I remember carrying you over the threshold thinking about how in that moment, it felt like everything was right in the world. Or the night you told me about being pregnant. I’ve never been happier in my life.”
Negan was getting emotional when he threw his hands up in the air, “Even if it wasn’t special for you, the day that Evie was born. I remember sitting in bed beside you, holding that little girl in my arms and nothing ever topped that feeling again. That happy, fucking through the roof feeling to know that we created something so fucking beautiful. Something so fucking perfect.”
Holding his hands out like he was holding onto a baby, Negan huffed out and shrugged his shoulders, “I’m not much of a romantic Y/N. We both know that. We both know I’m an asshole. We both know I say the dumbest shit. My mouth runs before my brain even considers what it’s doing. But that doesn’t mean I’m not head over heels in love with you. My favorite nights were those times we would just sit on the couch together watching old episodes of the Twilight Zone. So please, if I’m being fucking horny don’t think all I care about is sex because I really fucking love you. And I’m doing my best. I’m just a dick that is trying his best. I have a lot to work on, but I’m trying. And hopefully moving to the farm will help push that along.”
A shuddering breath fell from Y/N’s parted lips when he wiggled his fingers at her, “So why don’t you set that bottle of alcohol down and come here so I can kiss the shit outta you.”
“You have a way with words, don’t you?” she rolled her eyes, setting the bottle of alcohol down on top of the bar. Heading across the small bar, she felt Negan’s arms wrapping around her when he lowered down to capture her lips in an extended, passionate kiss that had her wrapping her arms around his shoulders. When they finally did part, Negan nuzzled his nose in against hers. “You’re lucky I love you.”
“I know,” he agreed with her, an arrogant smile tugging at his features when he started to pepper faint kisses over her lips. Sliding his hands down in over her bottom had her letting out an uneven breath. “I’m going to guess bar sex is out of the question now?”
“Will it make you happy?” she frowned with him considering her question before nodding. “Then fine. I would do anything to make you happy.”
----
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#Jeffrey Dean Morgan#Negan#Negan fanfiction#The Walking Dead#twd fanfiction#negan x you#negan x reader#Negan Smith#negan smut
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RE: intimacy & the intimate scenes
Quotes from interviews on #RWRBMovie about the intimate scenes and the intimacy between Alex and Henry
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Last updated: August 9
From Glamour
Red, White & Royal Blue, the book, is—I'm not sure how to put this any other way—famously horny. For the movie adaptation, intimacy coordinator Robbie Taylor Hunt was enlisted to ensure that physical intimacy between Henry and Alex was told in the best and safest way possible.
“He was incredible,” Zakhar Perez says of working with Taylor Hunt. “In London there are these brand of mints called Smints, and we called him the Smint Lord because we would always come up to him and ask for a mint or Listerine strip. I didn't want my breath to be offensive to Nick as soon as we get on set and have to be intimate with each other…”
He continues, "A great thing about having rehearsals is that we'd have an hour a day set aside to be with Robbie. It was just like a dance. I grew up in theatre, and Nick's done musicals. We're both very musical people. So Robbie found it easiest to talk to us in musical terms—there's a musicality to intimacy. There'd be lots of counting. Like, ‘1, 2, 3, 4, grab. 2, 3, 4, squeeze.’ That's what was going through my mind as we did it, to get it in your body. Once your body remembers it, you can let it go. The muscle memory is so strong. Then it's just about getting your mind in the game.”
Adds Galitzine, “It's a very vulnerable and trusting space. Taylor and I had to rely on each other because we really wanted to tell that story honestly and feel that we weren't hindered by any of our own boundaries that we were setting up. It becomes a sort of wonderful choreography that all serves to facilitate these two young men who fell in love with each other. Robbie was really helpful in educating me in the physical language of the character.”
From GQ
As our tea gets cold and our time draws to a close, we quickly touch on what it was like to film Red, White & Royal Blue’s more intimate scenes. To fight the awkwardness of being surrounded by the film crew, Zakhar Perez and Galitzine would whisper jokes and try to make the other one crack up. “There’s a playful teasing that never veered into anything nasty, which was a lovely dynamic to be a part of,” says Robbie Taylor Hunt, the film’s intimacy coordinator. “But also they just treated each other like colleagues and co-creatives in a really nice, collaborative way.”
“There’s so much choreography to sex…ual scenes,” Zakhar Perez says, laughing, recounting the sheer amount of time and energy (and the occasional blow-up mattress) that went into rehearsals. “It’s a crazy thing to be intimate in that way with your friend,” says Galitzine. “And we want people to fall in love with these characters, because their love has to be real.”
“Our guards were down during the rehearsals,” Zakhar Perez adds. But as soon as someone would yell “Cut”? “One of us would say something stupid, like, Get off me!”
From People
When Red, White & Royal Blue got labeled with an R rating from the Motion Picture Association, López admits he was surprised by the stamp. The MPA cited "some sexual content, partial nudity and language" in its rating.
"I think I was a little surprised at the R rating just because, while I never was encouraged to limit what we were showing or limit what I was depicting, the scene is what I intended to show. It plays exactly how I wanted it to play," López says of a sex scene between the two leads.
The Tony winner explains that he had free rein to include whatever he felt necessary onscreen while depicting the love story: "It's the movie I set out to make."
He adds, "I essentially decided to hedge my bets, in that I wouldn't step a toe over the line of PG-13 into R when it came to language, when it came to— there's no violence in the story, of course. But I would just do what I felt was right for the story when it came to the sexuality of the film and let the chips fall where they may."
From Out Smart Magazine
The director explains that giving the film’s sex scenes the royal treatment was an important factor for him. “One of the things in the novel that I knew needed to be in the film was the fundamental truth that these two people have really good sex with each other, they are very attracted to each other, and they find ways of expressing it physically. I inherently knew that there were a multitude of ways that we were going to express intimacy in this movie and that we were tracking the progression of their closeness. They sort of meet-cute and not only go from being enemies to lovers, but one of them is not fully aware of the extent to which he’s into guys before they meet. I thought a lot about the intimacy themes in the movie as a way of bringing them incrementally closer and closer together.
“By the time we got to the real lovemaking scene in the movie, I knew that I wanted to create something that was beautiful, loving, and tender. It’s not about maximizing an opportunity to get as much sex in the movie as possible. It’s about maximizing what I’ve got in order to tell the story effectively and honestly, in a way that the people for whom the movie is being made understand that it is being made for them.”
From Hindustan Times
Red White And Royal Blue also features a sex scene that was so empowering in terms of how it chooses to focus not on the body but on the gradual understanding between what two people in love want from each other. Did you always have a specific direction in how you wanted the scene to be shot?
My answer to your question is your question! That is precisely how I wanted to shoot it. It is undeniable that these are two beautiful men but what was more important to me was this be a scene of true intimacy between these two characters. I always knew I wanted to shoot those scenes primarily on their faces. I knew that what we would read in their eyes and their faces was much more powerful a storytelling tool than what I could have shown in a wider shot using their bodies, and it allowed them to thoroughly act that scene rather than simply perform that scene. I love that question because the way you phrased that question is exactly the way we talked about the scene- as we planned it with my intimacy coordinator, and as Taylor, Nick and I rehearsed it. Yeah, so you could just your question and turn it into my answer, because that's precisely it.
From TV & Satellite Week
The two leads were equally keen to make their characters’ relationship evolve believably.
‘Nick and I felt a responsibility to bring to life these sexual moments that are in the book in a real, grounded way,’ says Zakhar Perez. ‘The intimate scenes were choreographed and specific when it came to whether it was a moment of passion, or a tender experience. In a relationship you go through different stages, and we got to explore those throughout the film.’
From PinkNews
“I don’t think you can tell the story of Alex and Henry without talking about their very enjoyable sex life,” he says.
However, the sex isn't just thrown in for the sake of it, each has a purpose and nuance. López likes to think of the scenes as songs in a musical. "It needs to progress the story, it needs to progress your understanding of the character. If it doesn't, then it doesn't belong," he explains.
The two lead stars worked with an intimacy co-ordinator to ensure the scenes were done carefully and safely, but were also realistic. “We need to actually believe that Alex and Henry have really great, connected sex,” López says. “That, as a queer man, was really important to me to convey.”
From Observer
Hollywood has a tendency to shy away from gay sex onscreen. But this movie goes all in. Did you get any pushback about that?
ML: When I was pitching myself for the job, this was part of my pitch. Basically, “If you hire me, you’re getting this.” I let it be known from the get-go that this was going to be in the film. And, of course, there were negotiations throughout the process of what exactly it would be. But I was adamant from the start that this film honor what’s in the book, which is that these two characters have a very healthy sex life. They are very, very into each other, they have great sex, and a lot of it. So that was important to me.
It was really important to me as well in a mainstream love story. We talked about this as a rom-com and there other times we talked about it as a love story. As a love story, it was really important to me that the audience understand that these two young men are deeply connected—emotionally, intellectually and physically. Their physical connection is a huge part of what binds them. It would have been absolutely the decision I would make if it was a man and a woman. So I was going apply the same storytelling and requirements on my queer film that I think anybody would on a on a heterosexual film. I will say Amazon didn’t give me a hard time on these scenes. I got support. I got notes, of course. But that’s what happens when you don’t have final cut. There was a lot of support for this story being told as we all knew it needed to be told.
From MetroSource
Our sex is beautiful. The way we have sex is beautiful. Our intimacy is beautiful. Consensual sex between two humans is a beautiful thing, and it’s one of the wonderful things about being alive. The book is very steamy, very sexual, and I really love that about the book. I knew that I’d be committing heresy if I didn’t bring that into the film. A sex scene in a movie is like a song in a musical. It really does need to either charm you or teach you something about the characters and move the plot along. The other thing, too, is that you’re asking two performers to do something that is really vulnerable, and you don’t ever want to ask too much of them, and you don’t ever want to make anybody feel uncomfortable or forced into doing something. We were conscientious about how we approached each one of these scenes. I spent a lot of time with my intimacy coordinator mapping them out. We really paid particular attention to what story are we telling with each and every one of these intimacy scenes so that we could turn around and speak to Taylor and Nick and explain to them exactly why we were asking them to do what we were asking them to do. Beyond just sort of the mechanics of the filmmaking, to tell the story of Alex and Henry and not include the fact that they are very passionately, physically attracted to one another, is to not tell the full story of Alex and Henry.
From Windy City Times
Robbie Taylor Hunt was the intimacy coordinator on the film. How important was that for this film?
ML: It was essential. I think that if someone doesn't like working with intimacy coordinators, then they are missing the point. Robbie was an important partner in creating this. In essence, it was a way of protecting the actors and making them not just feel, but be, safe. It is no different than working with my director of photography or my costume designer. We use stunt coordinators with stunts, so in the same way, I wanted to use an intimacy coordinator. Robbie helped me articulate what I wanted to show and execute it. He was invaluable to me.
#red white and royal blue#rwrb#rwrb movie#matthew lopez#taylor zakhar perez#nicholas galitzine#tzp#robbie taylor hunt#roundups
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General Grievous is not a nice yandere. I hc that these feelings towards his darling are more suitably classified as a morbid obsession or curiosity.
The Bride of Grievous
(A snippet from a Yandere!Grievous fic I've been dying to write)
You have no idea how feral I am over this man!! The body horror that would come with being his sweet little darling!! I'm studying Robotics and Mechatronics at university and I gotta say I LOVE Robot/cyborg characters. They are my holy grail!!😍💞😍💞😍💞😍
You're 100% right Grievous is one of the worst Yanderes. He's obsessed with turning his darling into something he finds attractive and worthy. overdosing in a morbid curiosity to see just what he can turn you into.
Listen Grievous does NOT like organic beings. He prefers cyborgs and droids to anything else. So for this to work, you're going to have to already be a cyborg to even catch Grievous' eye. Sure a talented mechanic or the heiress to a droid manufacturing company would also draw the general's eye. But there's something about your mechanical essence that draws him in. Bonus points if you're both.
Now I'm playing off the idea that the reader comes from a wealthy family of engineers who are the prime supplier of droids for the empire/separatists (idk which timeline to set this in exactly). You've been left with a few cybernetic implants after an accident that happened when you were too young to have formed a functioning memory.
There's something about you that's...not right. You build the most advanced automatons but instead of programming them to become soldiers or anything remotely beneficial to warfare. You merely treat them as family. As your children. Your dolls. Doting on them as a mother would. You blame it on your heritage. On the accident that left you tettered between machine and mortal all so many years ago.
Not quite human
Not quite robot.
Another option, a secret third.
Glitching between realities.
When Grievous makes a personal visit to your family estate. Needing to strike a new deal for a rather large shipment of androids. He's surprised to find you, the heiress, taking charge of the transaction. He's even more interested when he notices your cybernetics. And how you don't hide them but instead seem to have made many personal enhancements to them. You're pretty too, and it's been such a long time he's been with someone sentient.
He's just so interested in you. Following you around like a wolf does its prey. Listening carefully to your jovial tone as you go into great detail about all the new features of this new batch of battle droids. He's even taken aback when you reprimand him for belittling a R0-GR.
Maybe somewhere along the line, you offer to work on him. To implement some new weapons. Add a few folding missiles into his casing. Even going so far as to propose giving him a speedy digital processor to clip into his brain. He scuffs at your boldness, pushing you aside as he moves past you. What a disgusting offer.
So why does the thought linger in his head?
When he returns to base, he finds his mind wandering to you. To your bizzare existance. You've practically shredded your humanity. Yet it still clings to you like a leech. He wonders if you'd thank him for taking it from you. Swoon over him for having saved you from the pesky flesh and blood. He falls asleep dreaming of the sounds your new metallic body would make as it clangs against his.
He kidnaps you soon after that. Stealing you away in the dead of night. Your family can search all they want, and send all the bounty hunters they want to try and retrieve you. But Grievous won't let you go. He loves watching as he makes you take him apart. Nibble fingers peeling away metal layers to access his wires. Pulling off prosthetic limbs to enhance them. With you by his side, the Jedi will never be his match ever again.
But it's Grevious we're talking about. He's a greedy creature, never satisfied with what he's given. He blames Dooku for this behavior and blames the benefits of being half Sith and half machine. He's become spoiled. Maybe it's not such a bad thing.
He starts to return the favor. Tearing you apart piece by piece. He used his lightsabers to cut through bone and replace it with metal. Drugging you with ecstasy and spice as he plucks away your humanity. He adores the love-sick looks you give him. Loves how, even when you've come down from your high, you still crawl onto his lap and litter his cold body with kisses. He'll keep your face just the way it is. He loves the feel of your chubby cheeks and soft lips too much.
Soon Grievous will turn you into a creature much like himself.
His perfect little creation.
A loving robot who can think for herself (with the general's help of course)
He's finally found a lover worthy of him.
All this being said I now need a poly fic with Maul, Anakin, and Grievous with a cyborg reader.
#general grievous#star wars#clone wars#star wats clone wars#grievous#general grievous x reader#general grievous x you#yandere general grievous#star wars grievous#grievous x reader#grievous x you#yandere grievous#yandere grievous x you#yandere grievous x reader#yandere#yancore#yandere headcanons#grievous headcanons#yandere imagines#star wars headcanons#star wars imagine#robot aesthetic#robot girl#robotcore#yandere x reader#yandere x you#star wars x reader#star wars x you#star wars general grievous
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Apologies if someone's already asked previously and I've missed it, but as a fellow enjoyer of the threesome of Trey, Riddle, and Che'nya, I'd love to hear your general idea of the dynamic on these three as well as any headcanons you may have! (I'm someone who adored TreyRiddle first and am just genuinely surprised that it's such a far and inbetween ship in terms of popularity so it's always just very refreshing to see and hear other's views on it!)
I talked about both of these ships, but I don’t remember talking about them together! this is an interesting topic, Anon. Sorry for the wait, it took me some time to think about this.
I do have some headcanons! But I kind of got carried away a bit lol so the first three are focusing on the psychology of it all… in a way. I can’t help it, these guys’ brains are too fun to examine:( I ended the list with a couple of lighter/hornier ones though.
Also, it might seem like there is a Trey/Riddle bias, but it depends on how you look at it I guess. It’ll make sense after the first one. Hopefully! I guess.
Their dynamic is pretty balanced, but not really symmetrical: Che’nya loves Riddle, but he isn’t someone to be committed to one person or get jealous at all; and Trey has been in love with Riddle ever since they were kids and wasn’t able to move on even during the years of their separation. Che’nya wouldn’t mind stepping aside at some point and leaving these two together, but for that to happen he needs Trey to fully admit his feelings and directly confess to Riddle and ask Che’nya to leave. That doesn’t happen, so nothing is stopping Che’nya from having fun with Riddle~ Che’nya sleeps around, but Riddle is one of his favourite boys.
Their first time together happened pretty spontaneously, Che’nya pretty much provoked the other two. I picture something similar to this drawing, but these three had a lot of moments of mutual tension prior to this. Che’nya just started appearing at their dorm more and more often at some point and teasing Riddle, both to enjoy himself and to poke Trey towards facing his own feelings. What a friend!
Riddle is very confused about the whole thing and doesn’t want to think about it. Because if he starts to think, it falls apart in his head: he can’t have relationship with both Che’nya and Trey, he shouldn’t be doing these things even with just one of them, let alone both at the same time. Whenever Riddle is with them, he gets this nasty feeling in his heart that he is prohibited from having fun with them (ah nice memories), but at the same time, he mentally returns to his happy place… I’m not sure if this whole thing is therapeutic or traumatic to him lol It feels right, but as if it’s too good to be true. Thus, he just shuts his mind off whenever they start making out.
And it’s surprisingly easy for Riddle to stop thinking when he is with these two! It honestly surprised Trey and even Che’nya a little bit, even though Che’nya was like “of course he is like that, who wouldn’t melt when his chin is getting scratched?” as if what he does is exactly that… In actuality Che’nya just touches Riddle everywhere and licks his body with his rough tongue until he starts whimpering.
Riddle was very surprised when he got bitten for the first time, but he figured that it’s probably natural for Che’nya who is a beastman. What he didn’t expect is that he would find not only Che’nya’s bite marks, but also Trey’s. Riddle is usually to aroused to notice what exactly is going on, so he had no idea that Trey was biting his sides, arms and chest too…
Che’nya is kinky, and he knows that Trey is kinky too but is too afraid to scare Riddle away, so a lot of times he just starts messing with Riddle and pushing his buttons to show that even if Riddle protests and gets all red, he enjoys things that Trey would’ve never even considered as acceptable. Riddle also wouldn’t…… but there he is, getting all hot and bothered because he got aggressively tickled.
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like a burst of technicolor in a world of black and white
for the prompt "painting nails" on my @jasico-challenges bingo card. guys i am really having fun with this bingo thing have yall heard about this. this shit rules
anyway imagine an AU where trials of apollo is a collective hallucination we all experienced and then decided never to speak of again. and instead jason stayed at CHB after the showdown w gaea. okay you are now prepared for the events of this fic xoxo
title from extraordinary magic by ben rector :)
read here on ao3
“How come you didn't go to school?”
Fair question, but pretty random.
They're spread out on the floor of Cabin One. When Nico marched in armed with a bottle of nail polish the color of a cloudless sky and insisted on painting Jason's nails, Jason tossed his sketchbook aside. Any activity with Nico is better than drawing shrines alone.
Nico got to work and they descended into easy silence. Jason figured that was for Nico's focus, so he didn't break it, just allowed his mind to wander aimlessly.
When he tunes back in at Nico's inquiry, he sees two nails painted — left index and middle, coated in light blue. Jason has never had his nails painted. He doesn't know if it's always this soothing, but if it is, he can understand why so many people do it.
“You mean instead of staying at camp year-round?”
Nico nods and takes the brush to Jason's next finger. His face of concentration is extremely cute: narrowed eyes, teeth digging into his lower lip, one rebellious strand of dark hair he keeps blowing out of his face only for it to fall right back in his eyes.
“You could have,” he says. “You’d only have two years before graduation. Could get a diploma.”
Jason shrugs. “Yeah, but why would I? It’s not like I was getting a formal education before. Praetor was a year-round job.”
Nico hums. He's really very good at this. If the demigod thing doesn't pan out, he has a future as a manicurist.
“Plus,” Jason adds gamely, “I don't exactly have a parent or guardian to enroll me anywhere.”
“I'm sure Chiron would be more than happy to falsify some legal documents.”
Jason chuckles. “You think so?”
“Are you kidding?” Nico snorts. “Percy told me Chiron posed as his Latin teacher for a full year when he was younger. He would love to invent a transcript for you.”
Jason gives this a dismissive laugh so they can put the topic to rest. He thought about trying to go to school, for sure. He spent about six minutes seriously considering it. I could have some normalcy, he'd mused. Be a high school kid. Sure, I don't have any surviving mortal parents, or anywhere to live during the school year, or any money, or any previous course credits, or any documents to prove I'm a real person, but. Those are solvable problems.
Then he’d thought, Or I could stay at camp, and the decision made itself.
Maybe it's bleak to say, but there's nothing for him out there. In the real world. He has no memory of being a baby living with Thalia and his mother, and after that, his whole life was the legion. Training with Lupa was the closest thing Jason had to elementary school. Everything that matters to him — his friends, his family, his sworn duty to the minor gods — starts and ends in camp. His youth is tattooed with the brand of Camp Jupiter. His freedom is a leather necklace tied by Camp Half-Blood.
Why leave?
“I'm good here,” is all he says.
Nico isn't ready to drop it. “But then why stay here? You didn't want to go back to Camp Jupiter?”
Jason raises both eyebrows. “Did you want me to?”
“No!” Nico scowls. “I'm just curious.”
Methodical brush strokes turn Jason's fourth fingernail blue. It's a pretty color; Jason wonders what inspired Nico to choose it. It's probably not Nico's first time painting someone's nails, because he's very skillfully managing not to get any polish on Jason's skin. He has good hands for the job — thin and precise. Careful. Deliberate.
“The plan was really to split my time,” Jason says, just as careful, just as deliberate. “I was already at Camp Half-Blood, so I figured I'd spend a little while here, then a while at Camp Jupiter, and, you know, so on.”
“But…it's been two months,” Nico says.
The unspoken question: why haven't you gone back yet?
“Well, yeah,” Jason says. His own stillness is becoming uncomfortable. If he moves, he risks ruining Nico's artwork, but sitting this stationary isn't in his nature. Like most demigods, he has a compulsion to fidget. It's less noticeable in him — less than, say, Leo — but in moments of extreme stagnancy, it doubles down.
“Are you planning to go back at all?”
It's not an interrogation. At least, Jason doesn't think so. It's not small talk, either. Nico is his friend. This is a friendly conversation. There are no wrong answers here.
“Eventually,” Jason says. “To visit. But…to stay?” He shakes his head. “I don't think so.”
“All your friends are there,” Nico says, and he's still looking down, focused on his task, like this statement is a reflex, requiring no thought.
“Not all,” Jason says, watching him. “You're here.”
That gets Nico’s attention. He looks up. “Me?”
“You're my friend,” Jason says.
“Don't tell me you stayed here just for me.” It comes out like a bad joke. Like it couldn't possibly be true.
“Well…” Jason pauses. “I don't know if that's the only reason, but it definitely helped.”
“What? Are you joking?”
“Why would I be joking?”
“Because that's—” Nico stops halfway through painting Jason’s little finger. He gestures like words aren't enough. “That's crazy!”
“You just said I should go to Camp Jupiter because my friends are there,” Jason says, puzzled. “Why is it crazy to stay at Camp Half-Blood for the same reason?”
“I’m one person. Friend, singular. Meanwhile your entire cohort of friends is over in California.”
“Yeah, but…” Jason gnaws his cheek. He has this suspicion Nico won't like any of his answers, then decides he doesn't care. “They don't need me over there. I gave my praetorship to Frank, so I'm officially released from leadership duty, and I don't regret it for a second. It makes no difference to the legion if I'm there or not, except as this— I don't know, symbol of greatness that I…really am not.” He grimaces, examining his semi-painted pinky nail, this half-finished, imperfect thing. “Here, I feel like…maybe it matters if I'm here or not. And not because of who my dad is or my rank or anything, just because…well, we're friends.”
Nico stares. Then he lifts Jason's hand and starts painting again, picking up where he left off. With his gaze trained downward, away from Jason's, he says, “It does matter. To me.”
Jason smiles. He gets the same feeling as stepping outside in the morning into perfect weather — pleasantly, comfortably surprised.
“There you go, then,” he says. “I mean, if you want me to leave—”
“No,” Nico says quickly, then glares as if he's mad about being tricked into admitting he wants Jason to stay. Recovering, he snarks, “If you leave, I won’t have anyone to subject to my nail-polish schemes.”
“I bet Will would let you paint his nails.”
“Will wouldn't let me anywhere near him with any kind of artistic implement, as well he shouldn’t. I would absolutely deface him.”
“Honored that you've elected not to deface me.”
Nico turns a rosy shade of pink. “This time.”
This is that other kind of Nico threat, the kind reserved for friends. For Jason. The kind that, underneath, isn't a threat at all, but a promise.
This time means there will be a next time. That's Jason's favorite kind of threat.
“You're weirdly good at this,” Jason says. Nico has finished his left hand by now and moved on to the right. “Since when is this in your skill set?”
“Bianca,” Nico says. Matter-of-fact, without room to grieve. “A couple nights when we were in the Lotus Hotel, she asked me to paint hers. First time I tried, it was such a mess. She did mine to show me how, so I could learn.”
Jason catches his breath. “Clearly it paid off, ‘cause you're killing it.”
This was something Nico did with Bianca. And now he's sharing it with Jason. That gives Jason a feeling in his gut that's both warm and heavy, like a big dog is curled up in there, taking a sunbeam nap.
“You'll have to do mine after,” Nico says, still no-nonsense. “Black, obviously.”
“I don't have any nail polish.”
“I brought some. Lacy gave it to me. From Cabin Ten. Magical, so it doesn't smudge or chip.”
“I didn't even realize nail polish did that.”
“You have a lot to learn.” Nico nods sagely. “That's okay. Everyone starts somewhere.”
“It is very relaxing. I can see the appeal,” Jason admits. He wiggles the fingers of his finished hand, admiring them. “How’d you land on this color, though? Or was it just a random pick?”
Nico looks strangely at Jason. Some of that blush from earlier returns. “You're…the son of the sky god.”
Jason studies the color. It's not quite sky blue, but close enough. “Huh,” he says, feeling silly for not having made the connection. “I suppose that makes sense.”
“Besides,” Nico says, a little quieter like it's not exactly for Jason to hear, but not not for him to hear, either, “it's the color of your eyes.”
That sleeping dog behind Jason's navel starts thumping its tail.
“Oh,” Jason says. He's not sure he could confirm that, but Nico sounds utterly certain. The fact that Nico has spent enough time looking at Jason's eyes that he can pinpoint their exact shade is its own can of worms. For future opening. At a later date. “Well, I like it. It's pretty.”
“Yeah,” Nico says, and his fingers press gently into Jason's palm as he continues to paint. “It is.”
#jasicobingochallenge2024#painting nails#fanfiction#pjo#pjo fic#jason grace#nico di angelo#jasico#jasico fic#fic#my fic#my writing#i never make fic posts like this anymore but like why not#so many of these bingo prompt fills are gonna be short enough to do this with them#so like. executive decision this is what im doing now#do u ever start writing something not knowing where it's going#and then it goes somewhere and youre like holy shit i didnt realize thats where this was going but woah. woah#that was me with when i figured out that the reason nico can paint nails is because of bianca#i didnt write that shit. nico TOLD me that. me and jason learned that information at the same time#which was the exact moment when it became nico dialogue#and i went. oh boy. oh god. oh fuck#side note: this fic is rated g for general audiences because NO SWEAR WORDS! shocked and appalled#who AM i#the big dog in jason's psychological stomach is mrs oleary but i couldnt come up with a reason why he would know who that is#so i couldnt mention her by name#but the ones who know...they know
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Jonathan Harker saying that he's going to have to contemplate later and make up his mind about what he believes about idolatry and what he had been taught about what's heretical and to use his own judgment was something I didn't expect
It's kind of interesting, actually. His response when first given the crucifix was somewhat mild:
She then rose and dried her eyes, and taking a crucifix from her neck offered it to me. I did not know what to do, for, as an English Churchman, I have been taught to regard such things as in some measure idolatrous, and yet it seemed so ungracious to refuse an old lady meaning so well and in such a state of mind.
It feels not so much that he's deeply opposed himself, exactly. Just that this is what he has been taught as an English Churchman. And even then, it's only in some measure idolatrous, not totally. So right from the start it seems almost like something he hasn't really had opportunity to form an independent/strong opinion on before now, so much as something he's just been told and didn't particularly question.
But the gift was so kind and she obviously cared so much about him taking it that he accepted. Even more, she and the rest definitely got to him a bit, and so Jonathan continuing to wear the crucifix was not only out of respect for her feelings (he could have taken it off and just kept it with him if his only consideration were not offending her), but also because a part of him is already perhaps wondering if it will be helpful. At the very least, he is drawing some amount of comfort from it, even if it's just from the thought of the old woman's care that the gift reminds him of. He must be, because he's still wearing it around his neck while shaving several days later. We know Jonathan shaves every day, so it seems clear that he has a routine of daily ablutions (quite aside from the character notes of him being on an Important Professional Business Trip and probably wanting to look his best). I highly doubt he could have just forgotten he had it on. Continuing to wear it that long was a deliberate choice, even before it tangibly helps him out. And then comes that bit you're talking about:
What meant the giving of the crucifix, of the garlic, of the wild rose, of the mountain ash? Bless that good, good woman who hung the crucifix round my neck! for it is a comfort and a strength to me whenever I touch it. It is odd that a thing which I have been taught to regard with disfavour and as idolatrous should in a time of loneliness and trouble be of help. Is it that there is something in the essence of the thing itself, or that it is a medium, a tangible help, in conveying memories of sympathy and comfort? Some time, if it may be, I must examine this matter and try to make up my mind about it.
The crucifix makes Jonathan feel comforted and strengthened whenever he touches it. Both could stem from the circumstances in which it was given and when he saw it protect him already. He feels comforted/stronger because it is a form of protection, something of which he has very few in his current situation. Or maybe it's comforting/strengthening because of the tangible reminder that as alone as he is currently, there are still people out there who care about him and want/tried to protect him. Both of those options would be purely emotional placebo effects.
But Jonathan wonders if there is a literal benefit to it as well. If there is some kind of holy essence in fact, which has positive effect on him as well as negative ones on Dracula. He has after all already observed the latter. In considering this option, he is showing a willingness to reevaluate what he has been taught and possibly make his own judgement contrary to his prior beliefs about idolatry.
I'm not going to get into spoilers in this reply, but a decision Jonathan later makes about the crucifix, as well as some later statements about souls/God, seem relevant here. It kind of makes me wonder if Jonathan has viewed his religion mostly as a sort of given, natural state. It's something into which he was educated/raised, it is an identity (English Churchman) that he has accepted as natural but not truly spent a lot of time thinking hard about before. His time here in the castle immediately challenges some of the beliefs that go along with it, and as we progress through the book Jonathan's relationship with religion gets deeper and more complex (both in more-sincerely-religious-than-default and more-contrary-to-his-teachings/blasphemous ways).
#dracula daily#jonathan harker#anonymous#replies#i really don't have enough knowledge about the intricacies of religion to go fully in-depth on what this means for him#and there are later scenes i kind of want to consider the buildup towards/introduction of with this in mind before getting too into them#at least for now#but yeah...
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White Bear
“You must promise me, Arkiro. Promise you will not return to that place.”
A splash of cold water hits your face. With droplets still pooling at your chin, you lift your gaze to meet your own glowing eyes in the mirror.
You made a promise.
Braced against the sink, you take a breath to steady yourself. You need to put it out of your mind.
Marrie is safe. Your old man already has a contact who can help get the new arm in working order. It’s over.
But you can’t just let it go.
Another deep breath. You close your eyes as your lungs expand, tapping a finger against the basin––one, two, three––before exhaling. When you look, your scleras are yellow once more.
“Promise me, Arkiro.”
“Okay. I promise.”
You lean into the mirror and sweep your bangs aside, glancing over your forehead for any new signs of horn growth. Once satisfied that you are still not an early bloomer, you wipe your face on your tank top and trudge across the carpet to topple back into bed.
You got her out in time. Nothing more to do.
“Send Ailzea my regards.”
Your palms fly to your ears as the memory resurfaces, as if you expect, somehow, to squeeze that rasping voice straight out of your skull. Your jaw is clenched so tight you might as well be trying to mimic him, the tension in your neck causing your head to shake.
He deserved worse than a single stab wound.
He still does.
“You must promise me.”
You roll over in bed, lips twitching against the snarl that tries desperately to make a home upon your face. You flex a hand, emptier than you like it, and remember the thunk of metal meeting flesh.
If you’d just aimed for the head.
More restless by the second, you turn over a second time, nostrils flaring with the effort of keeping your breathing under control.
The way he grinned at you.
The glint in his eye.
“Send Ailzea my regards.”
He knew. He knew exactly how to hurt him, how to hurt your family, and he had reveled in it.
“Promise me.”
You have never known fear to grace your father’s voice before.
Once again, you roll over, mind flicking back to that dark, dingy room. The gouges on the walls, the claw marks, those claws he used to maim your sister.
With a growl, you slam a pillow over your head and squeeze your eyes shut, trying to will away the wet, labored breathing that permeates your thoughts. Despite your efforts, however, the sound only grows louder in your ears.
Another dash of cold water might be in order. Hoping to clear your head again, you toss your blanket aside and throw your leg out to plod back to the sink, foot coming down hard against stone.
Both the chill and the sound are enough to draw your attention, and your gaze is pulled to the floor, currently illuminated by a dwindling purple glow.
“Little Roatus,” a broken voice rattles just in front of you. “Back so soon?”
A number of thoughts buzz through your head, clambering to reach the front of the crowd, but only one can get there first.
I’m in my pajamas.
Funny. It’s always the least important thing that sticks out the most at times like this.
With that storm settling, you lift your eyes to follow the haggard form before you, stoic despite the dreadful anticipation that poisons the air. Stooped beneath shoulders that don’t line up quite right, Favion curls his lip into a delighted grin and regards you with something you can only assume to be glee.
Though you can feel your rage burning a hole in your chest, you manage to keep your voice and expression light.
“Ah, shit,” you gripe playfully, snapping your fingers. “Knew I shouldn’ta taken that left turn at Thorezille.”
His smile falters slightly.
Good. He doesn’t get your anger. You refuse to give him the satisfaction. Fuming can resume once you’re safe at home, away from this freak and the threat he poses to your father’s peace of mind.
You don’t even bother finding something cute to say as you prepare to make a hasty retreat, far more concerned with upholding your promise than with cracking wise. A small step back places some distance between yourself and Favion, and you conjure Marrie’s image into your mind.
If anyone can keep your attention enough to prevent a repeat of this little mishap, it’s your sister.
You’re picturing your sister.
Why is nothing happening?
You can see her face in your thoughts, as clear as ever, but much to your dismay, the world around you remains as still as death. Impassive, you wave a hand in front of your face.
No glow.
The faintest crease finds itself a home on your brow, a mild movement lasting barely a second, but it spells your bewilderment all the same.
Favion’s face splits into a grin once more, jaw clicking as his lips part to reveal a row of flat, shiny teeth. He thinks he’s seen a chip in your armor. He’ll have to think again.
You waste no time in shifting tactics, diverting your attention from where you want to be to where you are. The yellow blood in front of you. The pull of the ground. You’ll crush the bastard under his own weight.
This time, the attempt bears fruit, proven by the faint purple light that spills out across the shadowed floor. Your adversary buckles slightly, misaligned back hunching further, and he must shift his weight to account for your intrusions in his gravity.
Then he shambles towards you, expending only as much effort as one might need to traverse a modest hill.
Again, your brows knit themselves together, confusion dancing plainly across your features. You take a step back, looking the man up and down. A question sits poised upon your tongue, lips pursing minutely to contain it.
Favion takes a rasping breath and chuckles to himself, the sound harsh in his throat.
“Is that what he would have looked like?” His smile widens, claws flexing at his side. “How intoxicating.”
One large step forward sends you back two. His movements, ragged and disjointed, are a stark contrast to your own, which remain fluid and relaxed even as he backs you towards the wall. You’ve made it through countless scuffles without using your powers, often against guys this size. The lack of a proper weapon is unfortunate, but you’re far from worried.
Hell, even if he does manage to get at you, what are the odds he actually ends it? He certainly seems the type to play with his food. And you’re a garnish if anything— what he really cares about is your father.
Speaking of your father, you oughta get back to work on popping home. Between your lackluster performance in upping his gravity and the fog that obscured Marrie the last she was here, It’s not hard to piece together what’s going on. Guy’s got psionics. They’re dampening yours.
But if you made it in, you can make it out. Might just need to work a little harder. You can manage that.
He’s still just menacing you for now, and you use the freedom that affords you to pivot before you can be cornered, sweeping your gaze around the room.
“Pause-- is this a fucking dungeon?”
Now it’s his turn to look perplexed. You survey the room again, more obviously this time.
“I mean, shit, not even a poster or anythin’? Hell’s wrong with you?”
He grinds his jaw, something popping in the process.
“No, you’re right, that was rude,” you concede, raising both hands in supplication. “S’just not my preference is all. Different strokes, I get it.”
He grits his teeth, voice coming out in a hiss. “Annoying.”
“Hey, thanks. I get that a lot. So, like I’uz sayin’--”
You hear the hit before you feel it, the force of the strike enough to send you sprawling to the floor. Ears ringing from the impact, you raise a hand to cup your cheek and allow the sting to wash over you. When you pull your palm away, you find it slick with blood.
An ecstatic laugh bubbles from your chest.
“Fuck, brother, you pack a punch!”
Favion halts, taken aback by your strange reaction. You pause too, realizing you’re actually going to need to get off the ground. Manually. What a drag.
“So, the aesthetic,” you start again, dotting a small purple smiley face onto the tile. “Was this always your thing, or’d that part come after you became whatever you are now?”
The growl that pours from the yellowblood is beastly, which is appropriate you suppose. He leans down to reach for you, filling the room with the cracking of bone.
“That’s one hell’uva coincidence, chief. Lucky you!”
Though his talons manage to graze your chest, you roll away before he can grab you proper and spring to your feet. A glance down reveals three small holes pricked into your nightshirt, a small purple stain spreading out across the largest gash’s edge. You prod at the cut for a moment, then lick a spot of blood from your thumb.
“You’re kinda slow, anyone ever tell you that?”
The yellowblood grunts and straightens, bracing himself with one clawed hand against the wall. He grinds his jaw again, tongue pressing against the back of his teeth while he reminds himself how to use it.
“Stop. Talking.”
“Ygot summ’na say?”
Another growl rattles out of his throat. You nod thoughtfully, eyebrows raised.
“Great point.”
The jibes are second nature at this point, mouth rattling off while your head floats elsewhere. In fact, throughout this dance around Favion’s dwelling, there’s been exactly one thing on your mind.
Now, that thing is finally coming into focus.
With Marrie’s delicate features sitting neatly in your thoughts, you lift your head and flash the man a grin.
“Let’s do this again sometime, eh, big guy?”
And just like that, the room whirls into the ether, leaving you to fall unceremoniously across your big sister’s lap.
#archie ic#guest star!#favion#writing#dream sequence arc#dream sequence curated#he's like cilantro#archie writing
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Pairing : Yandere!Yang Jeongin x F!Reader
TW : yandere behavior ; reader saying she wants to die ; Jeongin yelling ; but also Jeongin positive-ish character development ; he's more secretive with his craziness now ; smut ; PiV intercourse ; cameo appearance by Hyunjin ; mainly fluffy though ;
Word Count : 6.9k
Hyunjin had been quick, quicker than Jeongin thought he would be in tracking your phone. Even with the device completely dismantled and strewn about the city, he had found someone that was able to figure out exactly where your last text was sent from. Jeongin hadn’t thought that it would be possible, but he had been on edge, so he had moved you out of the house momentarily, putting you up in a hotel for a bit, at least until he figured out what was going on.
The hotel in itself was something that had excited you, finally being out of the house after two years, it was like going on a little vacation even though the hotel was right down the street and you were only staying there because you had been stupid enough to text Hyunjin. Those were Jeongins words, not yours, and he had apologized profusely immediately after saying them, excusing it as being so scared to lose you that he had let the words slip.
There were a few perks that came along with Hyunjin knowing that Jeongin loved you too, and that was his hyung telling him every single bit of information that he found out. Whenever Hyunjin got one step closer, Jeongin would move you five steps further away. When Hyunjin announced that whoever he was working with had finally been able to pinpoint the location that you had sent your last text from, there was no panicking on Jeongins part, only a false sense of excitement, knowing that he had already moved you somewhere else, you were already living in a different home, and now no one would be able to find you.
“Starry~~~” Jeongin called out, running out of the bedroom to find you in the kitchen making breakfast. You seemed a lot happier in the new home, free of the painful memories that the previous four walls had held. There was no basement, at least not one that would be used for anything other than storing the seasonal wardrobe swap or holiday decorations. This would be a normal home for the two of you, and he was hoping that he’d be able to have a normal relationship with you now. “You left the bedroom without waking me…” He whispered once he was close enough, wrapping his arms around your waist and nuzzling into your neck.
The roles had been reversed drastically, the table turned 180 degrees, and now he was being clingy. The feelings weren’t reciprocated well, and he knew that it was because you were still dealing with the emotions that he had stirred up inside you with the words that he had said. It would take more than a few I love you’s to heal the wound that he had caused, but he was willing to do anything to get you back, to get back the clingy you that he thought that he hated, the clingy and loving you that he missed so much now.
“I’m making breakfast.” Your voice was so monotonous, it was almost scary if it weren’t for the fact that it made him so sad. You truly lacked any other emotions aside from the robotic one that seemed to be a constant for you. “You could have slept in. I would have woken you when I was done.” The fact that you didn’t even turn around, you didn’t even turn your head to face him when you talked, you still doubted him, you were still scared of him, and it only made him hate himself more for sparking those feelings within you. He would do everything and anything to get rid of them, to nullify those feelings entirely.
His fingers lightly squeezed your hips as he kissed along your neck, trying to draw out any kind of reaction, but you didn’t do anything, you didn’t make a single sound, you simply continued to make breakfast as if he wasn’t even there. “You know that I can’t sleep without you beside me, starry… I can tell when you’re gone.” He tried to not let your lack of literally anything bother him, he knew that it was his fault. You were stuck with him though, that much he made sure of, and he was sure that you knew that as well. At some point you’d come around. You couldn’t be like this forever.
“I apologize.” Was all you said as you grabbed the plate that had been set beside the stove, filling it with the food that you had been making before breaking free of his hold and setting the plate at his side of the table. You spoke so… strangely, he hated it so much. It wasn’t even like he was talking to you anymore, it was like talking to a robot and the only thing that let him know that you were still human was the warmth of your skin when he touched it. “What would you like to drink with your breakfast, Jeongin?”
You didn’t use the little nickname that he loved hearing you say either, opting to use his government name now, and the sound of it leaving your lips had his stomach twisting with disgust. It sounded awful, it was weird, and he’d give anything to hear you call him Innie again. “I can get the drinks, just get your food and take a seat, starry.” He was doing his best, but even his best didn’t seem good enough. Still, you never said no to him, almost like you were too scared to. When you finally turned in the direction of the table though, your head immediately dropped, refusing to look at him. It had been so long since he had actually seen your eyes, seen the sparkle in them that earned you the nickname that he gave you. “It’s my day off… What do you want to do today?” Your shoulders shrugged as you slumped over the plate, scraping the contents around the edges until there was a bare spot in the center. Anything… He’d do anything to make you happy, to show you that he really did love you, that there was no reason for any doubt.
“It’s cleaning day. I have to do the laundry and vacuum.” You said, almost like you were reading from a script, but what it truly felt like, was you were making excuses, any reason that you could find to not spend time with him. He couldn’t let it continue on like this, there was only so much that he could handle before it drove him absolutely batshit. He needed your love, he needed your attention. He’ll never stop hating himself for what he did, for causing you to be like this, and he’d never stop trying to get you back.
He scoffed playfully, setting both of your drinks down on the table before dropping down in his chair across from you. “Forget about cleaning for today. Spend time with me. We can do anything you want to do!” As long as it wasn’t meeting up with Hyunjin, but he was certain that you wouldn’t ever mention that name in the house again. “Do you want to go to the movies? We can go out to dinner and see a movie, or we can just go sightseeing. It’s whatever you want to do today, starry.”
Now, leaving the safety of the house was a big deal, and it posed a lot of potential negative outcomes. If anyone saw you and remembered that you were missing, there would be a lot of trouble. If anyone saw him, it would lead to a lot of media coverage and that would mean you being seen as well. All of it could backfire, but he loved you, he loved you so much, and he was willing to go through the extra efforts to make sure none of that happened, to make sure you were happy.
“We never leave the house.” You muttered, finally dropping your fork down to look at him, and the look in your eyes… It was like you were dead, it was heartbreaking. He had caused that, he had caused all of this. “So please, let me clean. It’s the only thing that makes me even slightly happy now.” You pushed your chair back, grabbing your plate off the table and scraping it into the trash can before turning on the sink.
You were making it impossible, it’s like you didn’t even want him to try anymore. He was trying so hard to swallow back his irritation, but there was only so much that he could do. “Well what do you want me to do?! I’m trying… I’m trying and you just… It’s like you don’t love me anymore, like you don’t want to be loved by me anymore.” He huffed loudly, pushing away from the table himself and walking over to you. “Well, I’m sorry… But you’re not getting rid of me, and I’m not letting you go. So what. Do you want to do today?”
His hand came down on the faucet, turning off the water, his silence demanding your attention as he stood next to you. “God… You’re really annoying, you know that, right?” You grumbled, and those words would have pissed him off if anyone else said them, if you had said them before everything that happened, but he knew that you were just… quoting him… and that’s why, instead of pissing him off, they only made him more upset with himself. “I don’t care what we do. I don’t care about what you do. I don’t care about anything anymore. I’m just waiting to die at this point because I know you won’t let me do anything else.”
A loud groan sounded from his chest as his hands ran over his face. “Why are you so fucking morbid?! Can’t you see that I’m trying to fix things? I know that what I did, what I said was wrong… I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself before moving closer to you, his hands landing on your waist. “Go get ready. I’m taking you out… Okay? Please… Let me try.”
The potential of you getting better, of finally seeing you smile again, of finally seeing those stars twinkle in your eyes once more, completely outweighed the risk of leaving the house with you. Jeongin would make sure to take you somewhere that he knew you and him wouldn’t be recognized, where he wouldn’t get any unwanted attention, where you wouldn’t be seen.
Now, he didn’t know where he was taking you, he didn’t know the first thing that he was going to do once he had you out of the house. Planning dates wasn’t something that he was good at, it had always been your thing, but you were less than communicative and you didn’t even seem to want to go out anyway.
“Starry, are you done?” Jeongin asked, standing outside the bedroom door, half expecting for it to open and you be standing there in your pajamas just to ruin his plans even more, but when you pulled the door open and he saw you, he was shocked to find you at least partially done up. It wasn’t the way you would usually look, not when he had first gotten with you, but it was better than what he thought you’d be wearing.
You donned his hoodie that seemed to swallow you entirely, the bagginess hiding your frame, billowing around you almost like a dress. “Done.” You said flatly, walking past him without another word, going straight to the front door. The sight of you wearing his hoodie would have made him happy if it weren’t for the fact that he knew you didn’t exactly have anything else to wear. He had trashed all of your own hoodies in a fit of anger when you had started wearing your own clothes once again. He hated the sight of it, how independent it made you look, how it made him feel like you were pulling away from him. He had to get rid of everything that was your own, it would make you more his if all that you had was his.
Now seeing you in the hoodie, it hurt even more, it only made the shallowness of your eyes and your face more prominent with the bagginess of the garment. It made him more aware of how much you hadn’t been eating, how much you had reverted back to the mindset of the basement, something that he hated to look back on or even partially remember. It gave him an idea though, the first stop for the outing. He’d make you love him again, he would… This had to work.
He knew that it would be hard, that it would take a great amount of persistence on his end to reach the goal, but he hadn’t assumed just how hard it would truly be. The entire ride to the restaurant was silent, and although it had been a while since you had sat in the passenger seat of his car, he could remember the evenings that you’d look at him lovingly, the radio turned up as you both belted out the lyrics to your favorite songs. This car ride was nothing like that. You managed to sit as far away from him as humanly possible in the small sedan, your body pressed up against the door and your head leaning against the window as you stared out of it with the emptiest eyes.
The restaurant was empty, it was the restaurant that you had had your first official date at, the inside hadn’t changed in the two years since you’ve been there, and as the host walked the two of you to the table that you had once sat at, Jeongin scanned your eyes for any sign of a spark, but there was nothing, not yet at least. “Do you remember, starry? This was our seat…” He said, maybe a little too excitedly as he rushed over to pull your chair out for you. His excitement didn’t match your emotions at all, it made him feel out of place beside you and he hated that. The only place he wanted to be was beside you, but you were making it uncomfortable for him. Dammit.
“Yes.” Was all you said as you lowered yourself into the chair, nodding your head to the host who slipped the menu in front of you and Jeongin before walking away. “I’m not hungry though…” You muttered, sliding the menu away from you and then resting your chin in the palm of your hand as your eyes scanned the pictures that lined the walls. He was about to respond when he saw something, it was the smallest something, but it was there. A shimmer in your eye and a twitch of your nose, the slight hollowing of your cheeks as you looked around. You were getting choked up, and that meant that you were feeling something, and that was a step up from the nothing that you seemed to feel back at the house and the entire way to the restaurant.
“I remember everything, you know?” He whispered, wanting so badly to reach out and grab your hand, to hold it tight in his own and reassure you that he loved you, that he’d only ever love you, but maybe it was too soon for that, maybe it would upset you, revert you back to feeling nothing if he moved too soon. He wanted you to keep feeling, even though he wasn’t sure exactly what that feeling was. “I remember all of our dates, every single day that I spent with you… I remember it all.”
Your eyes dropped down to the table as your head shook, like you didn’t want to believe him, or maybe you actually didn’t believe him at all. He’d make you believe him though, he’d make you believe that he loves you more than anything in the world, that you’re the most important person in the entire universe to him. The waiter came over, a smile on his face as he looked down at you, and for the first time since he had left the house with you, he was happy for your look of disinterest, happy at the fact that you didn’t even seem to want to look at anyone. The waiter definitely had eyes for you, eyes that lingered a little too long on you which had Jeongin heating up with anger, but he pushed it down, not wanting to upset you or ruin his day out with you, so he cleared his throat, demanding the attention of the man.
“We’ll order everything right now.” Jeongin said, collecting the menus and trying his best to be polite as he handed them back to the man. This was his first chance, the first test, the first opportunity to show you that he was being honest in everything that he had told you. He ordered his own food and drink first and then seamlessly slipped in your order, getting you the same exact thing that you had gotten on your first date, even down to the drink without any ice cubes in it. He beamed proudly up at the waiter who was none the wiser to what would make Jeongin so excited, but Jeongin had seen the look on your face, the way your jaw seemed to settle and your eyes seemed to soften.
“What are you trying to prove, Innie?” There it was, that name that he had been waiting to hear for so long that it had him melting in his chair, tears forming in his own eyes at the sound of it. Tears that matched yours, and if sat side by side, your eyes would align to create a beautiful, twinkling galaxy that would be unmatched by even the Milky Way itself. “Why are you going through all this trouble?”
He quickly shook his head, finally taking the moment to grab your hands, and for the first time, you didn’t pull away, letting your fingers go lax in his palms as you stared at him. “It’s not trouble for me at all, starry. I’m doing it because I want you to know that I love you… I only love you… And I’d do anything to prove that to you.” His own hands were shaky, he was nervous, it truly felt like the first date all over again as his thumb brushed against the back of your hand. “Do you remember… the place we went camping… And you were scared because you thought you heard a bear…” Your nose scrunched up, but there was a twitch at the corner of your lips and a wavering in your eyes, like you were trying not to smile, fighting it back, trying to keep up the facade of being emotionless. “But it was just a bunny… And I-”
“-you teased me about it for hours… Until I just… Kissed you to shut you up.” You remembered too, of course you did. It was his and your first kiss, one that he had felt butterflies in his stomach from for days afterwards when he looked back on it. “What does that have to do with anything though?” You tacked on to the end, and now those butterflies were back as he brought your clasped hands up to his lips, kissing along your fingers and looking up at you through his eyelashes just to watch your reaction.
“We’re going back there… After we eat… I want to relive those moments with you. I want things to be the way they used to be… Before…” But he saw you wince at the memories that followed after the cute dates, the memories of when he had lost his mind in a burst of jealousy that lasted years. “Don’t think about that… Only now… Only when we first got together, okay starry? Please?”
Your bottom lip was drawn in between your teeth, gnawing on it nervously, but you ultimately gave in, nodding your head with a sigh. He still had you, of course he did, but he was going to have you the way he had you before, before Hyunjin had ruined everything, before everything had gone wrong. He’d make you forget that all of that ever happened, he’d erase those memories from your mind and replace them with only happy thoughts and happy moments to look back on and smile about.
Dinner went a lot better than he thought it would, and by a lot better, he means that it went amazingly. You actually talked to him, and even after plates had been cleared of the food they had been delivered with, he and you sat there for hours just talking and reminiscing about days that seemed like distant dreams. You had smiled the rest of the time, so much that he had even gotten the opportunity to tease you about the small cramp you had gotten in your cheeks from smiling so much.
It was time to enact phase two now. You were willingly talking to him, smiling at him, laughing with him, you were even letting him hold your hands, but he wanted to see just how far he could go, how much you were actually willing to let him do before you stopped him. He was still on edge, not sure whether things would go right back to the way they were before he had gotten you out of the house, he needed to make sure that that part of you was long gone and never to return again.
“So… we’re going camping?” You asked as you climbed into the passenger seat of the car. He shouldn’t have been shocked, it was only normal, but the fact that you were starting the conversation on your own had him feeling far more giddy than he’d ever admit. Jeongins head nodded quickly in agreement as he settled into his own seat, pulling the keys out of his pocket and pushing it into the ignition. “I don’t see the tent… and what about the food and stuff that we need?”
That was another side of you that he’d never forget, the side of you that thought about every single aspect of every little thing. The tent made sense, but you wanted to be sure that the two of you had everything that you’d need for the night, and that too reminded him of the first time you had gone camping together. “If you remember… we had to go-”
“-to the store…” You finished his sentence, and he couldn’t help his own smile from forming at it, at the fact that you were not only talking to him once again, but finishing his sentences like you once did before during lazy afternoons while entwined with one another. “You take forever at the store though. It took you like, two hours to pick a tent.”
Jeongin snorted loudly, shaking his head before pulling out into the road, heading towards the super store to get everything that the two of you would need. “Well I had to make sure I got the right one. I can’t have my starry sleeping in anything less than luxury.” He professed, watching you roll your eyes out of the corner of his own. “What? Are you gonna say I’m wrong?”
“Yes! We’re still sleeping on a box spring mattress when we could be resting on a memory foam mattress.” His mouth jokingly fell open in fake shock from your jab at the mattress, but honestly, the only reason he even kept it still was because the memories that the bed held, all of them pertaining to you, and he was just far too obsessed with you and everything that had to do with you to get rid of it. “I’ll probably get better sleep in the tent tonight.”
“I’ll make sure you do.” He said lightly, but he couldn’t fight back the smirk that spread across his face, the innuendo hidden in his simple statement wasn’t brushed over either, and your eyes went wide as your head whipped over to look at him. “What?!” He played innocent, tsking his tongue at you. “You’ve got such a dirty mind, starry. What were you thinking, hmm?”
Oh, how he adored when you got flustered, how he missed the way you’d stumble over your words, your eyes looking everywhere but at him as you tried to think of the right thing to say to get you off the hook. “N-Nothing… Weirdo. You’re… You’re the dirty one… nasty… ew.” You rambled out the words, but he only found you more precious the more you tried to backtrack.
Truthfully though, his mind was right where yours was, having not ventured there in months. He hadn’t been able to touch you or kiss you, he had been calling himself lucky for even being able to lay beside you with pillows between both of your bodies at night. Still, he wasn’t sure how far he’d make it with you, but he’d be lying if he said that he wasn’t hoping that he’d be able to be with you in that way again tonight.
“Do you hear that?” You whispered, laying on your back in the tent, staring up through the small window on the roof, your hands folded over your stomach. You were comfortable, he could tell. Your body wasn’t stiff or tense like it had been the night before when he had laid beside you. He shook his head in response, watching you out of the corner of his eye as you smiled sweetly, your eyes scanning the sky as if you were counting the stars in the sky, but Jeongin was too busy looking at their reflection in your eyes. “Neither do I… It’s so quiet…”
He scoffed at your words before propping himself up on his elbow so he could look down at you, a rosy hue tinting his cheeks. “I missed this…” He murmured, his eyes trained on your face to catch any reaction you might have. “I missed you.” His free hand landed on your waist, and his eyes never left yours, as if waiting for some silent queue from your expressions that you didn’t want this, that you wanted him to stop.
He could tell when you were flustered, your face, your mannerisms, you were so easy to read, and when your eyes quickly darted away from him and you bit the inside of your cheeks, he knew that you didn’t mind it. “You say that as if I’ve been gone…” You said hoarsely, your voice getting caught in the back of your throat, and you quickly swallowed, followed by a shaky breath.
He smirked as he shifted himself so he was right above you, his beautiful brown irises capturing yours as his hand cautiously inched down to your hip. “You have been gone… But now I have you back… My perfect starry…” His gaze, his voice, everything about him grew softer the longer he spoke until his voice was barely that of a whisper, and his face drew closer and closer until his nose was pressed against yours. “Are you cold?”
Your shiver didn’t go unnoticed, and he was about to get up, grab the blanket that had been neatly folded in the corner to cover you up with, but your hands reached out, your fingers wrapping tightly around his arms, your nails almost digging into his biceps as you shook your head. “Not cold…” You murmured, your tongue darting across your bottom lip that had become slightly chapped from your parted lipped breathing. “I just… I missed you too…”
Those words stunned him into silence, his eyes blinking rapidly as he stared at you. If you missed him, why didn’t you tell him? Why didn’t you do anything? It was confusing, but he decided that he wasn’t going to question it now, he’d ask all about it later. Not a second was wasted, his lips crashing against your own as his body fell on top of you, wanting to get as close to you as possible, his hands scavenging your body as if it were the first time he had ever gotten to touch you, his tongue slipping into your mouth as you gasped. The butterflies in his stomach had settled, the feeling of their wings fluttering had been replaced with one much stronger, a feeling that had warmth spreading through his body, his mind going blank, and his pants growing tighter all at once.
“Innie…” You whimpered once he had pulled back, the both of you gasping for air as you looked at each other with lust filled, lidded eyes and dilated pupils. Your hands tugged at the hem of his shirt and your bottom lip jutted out just slightly to show your impatience. God, he truly was obsessed with you, everything about you, the smallest expressions, every single word you said he breathed in like it was oxygen for him.
You were just as impatient as him, your back already arching off the floor as you yanked at his shirt even harder, the sound of the fabric stretching heard between both of your heavy breathing. “I know, baby… I know…” He wanted to take his time, take the chance to truly show you how much you meant to him, how devoted he was to you, but he was growing more and more impatient by the second as well, and who was he to make you wait. He sure as hell wasn’t going to make himself wait.
Both of your hands made quick work of ridding each other of your clothes, a pile thrown aimlessly into the corner of the tent. The lowlight of the moon that seemed to hang just right in the sky above the small window in the roof was perfect, basking you in its soft glow that illuminated your skin so flawlessly he would have thought it was done on purpose.
“You’re so beautiful, starry, you’re all mine…” He cooed as his hands caressed along your dips and curves leaving goosebumps in their trail, only stopping when he reached your hips, his eyes finally looking between your legs that had been opened so welcomingly for him to slip between. “You’re… Already so wet…” He mused, feeling his body grow hotter, his cock twitching from the sight of just how slick you were.
No matter how many times he was with you, he always felt so shy, and seeing you beneath him, sprawled out for him and only him, he was always so nervous that he would mess up. It’s not like you’d ever go to anyone else, he’d never allow that, but he wanted to know that he was good enough for you, that he made you feel as good as you made him feel. “Want you… Need you, Innie… Please…” You whispered words caught off his train of thought, your fingers gliding lightly down his chest and along his abs until the tips of them brushed along the length of his cock, sending an electric feeling up his spine that had him moving almost immediately.
“I’m here… You have me…” And you always would, but he knew that’s not what you meant, at least not right now. It took everything in him to hold back, to keep from just slamming right into you because, as much as he wanted you and as much as you wanted him, he wanted to be gentle with you, he wanted to love you, truly love you.
He slid his tip between your folds, admiring just how sensitive you were, just how receptive your body was from just the lightest touch. Your mouth fell open and your eyes fluttered shut, and as he stroked your juices along his cock, he swore he could have cum right then and there from the sight of it alone. “Want to feel you… Innie~~” You whined, your hands gripping onto his arms and pulling him down to you. Of course he never would have forgotten being with you, but he seemed to have forgotten the tiny bit where you were so impatient, so needy, and now that he did remember, it only made him love you more.
With his hand wrapped tightly around his shaft, he lined himself up with your entrance, his chest rising and falling heavily as he pushed himself in, already feeling you stretch around just his tip. You were so tight, and he knew that if he moved too soon, if he didn’t give himself a moment to adjust to the feeling, he’d finish before even beginning. “F-Fuck… Starry…” He whimpered, his head falling forward and his bangs curtaining his features. “Just… need a second…”
His forehead pressed against yours as he kissed you repeatedly, his arms shaking as he tried to keep himself from dropping on top of you. “Are you okay?” You whispered, your hand coming up to cup his cheek, your touch was so warm, so soft, he couldn’t help but lean into it as he nodded slowly, his eyes closing slightly as he took a deep breath.
“Mmhm…” He hummed just for good measure, turning his head to kiss the palm of your hand before pressing a quick peck to your lips. “Sorry…” The word was mumbled out, a quick apology for making you wait, but he didn’t give you time to respond before pushing into you, the feeling of your walls enveloping his cock, it was so warm, it was like an immediate high that he could only reach when he was with you like this.
Your mouth fell slack and your eyes practically rolled back as he bottomed out inside of you, a breathy gasp escaping you. “Shit…” You breathed out the word, your hands falling against his back, your nails digging into his skin to pull him closer. “Forgot how good you felt…”
“Oh?” He posed, his eyes narrowing as he stared down at you. How could you forget? Was he not good enough to remember? Had you been angry enough with him that you forgot everything? It didn’t matter, no… He’d make sure you never forget, that the feeling of him inside of you is something that’s ingrained in your mind forever. “You’ll remember… You will remember…”
He pulled back slowly, smiling smugly down at you before his hips snapped forward, eliciting the most beautiful moan from you, the sound mixed with a choked off scream as he repeated the movement, the head of his cock reaching the deepest part of you. “I-Innie!” You screamed out his name as he kept going, his thrusts were hard, ruthless, yet still filled with love at the same time.
Your legs were already beginning to shake as every pull of his hips had him brushing against that particular spot that was like a one way ticket to cloud nine. “Never forget this… Never forget the way I feel, the way I make you feel. No one else can make you feel this good, right?” Your head nodded, then shook, then nodded again, your mind completely fogged. “Aww, is my little starry gonna cum? Hmm?”
There were tears forming in the corners of your eyes that he quickly kissed away before they could fall, but your body was shaking so much, he knew that you were holding back, trying to prove a point to him which he only found to be even more adorable. “N-No… Don’t stop…” You gasped, your eyes squeezed shut before your lips drew into a thin line, turning your face away from him. How could someone be so freaking cute? He asked himself that every single day when he saw you, he still couldn’t grasp it. What he did know though is that he was lucky as hell to have you, for you to be all his.
“Won’t stop, starry… Won’t stop till you’re cumming…” He breathed out the words, his hips working nonstop, slamming into you so hard that your body was moving up with each thrust until the top of your head was pressed against the wall of the tent, but neither of you cared, and he truly wasn’t going to stop.
A few more thrusts though and you were sent over the edge, whimpering incoherently as you gripped onto him as tight as you could. Your walls sucked him in, the feeling of them tightening and pulsing around his cock as your body shook beneath him had his orgasm rushing over him like a wave, his body crashing down on top of you and his face being buried in your neck to muffle his moans, and his hips continued to roll against you to ride out his own high.
“This isn’t how I remember the camping trip ending the first time we went…” You teased, the words coming out breathlessly as your hands moved up to brush through his hair, your lips pressing swift kisses to the top of his head. All he could do was chuckle, trying his best not to get too relaxed from your touch, from the soothing sound of your heart thrumming right beneath his ear, it was enough to have him slipping in and out of sleep.
“I love you, starry…” He murmured, nestling closer against your skin, wanting to bask in the warmth of it, inhale the scent of you, having not had you for so long that he worried that as soon as the two of you got back home you’d go back to how you were. He didn’t want to let a single second go to waste. “I always will… I’ll never stop loving you as long as I live…”
You sat on the couch, your legs laid over Jeongins lap as his fingers aimlessly walked up and down them while you flipped through channels on the television. Ever since the camping trip two weeks ago everything had been perfect, even more than perfect actually. Things seemed almost… normal. More normal than they had ever been, and he could tell that you were settling into things now, and there seemed to be a constant smile on your face. Not just that, but you greeted him with hugs and a kiss now whenever he walked through the front door, the way you used to, something that he had missed dearly.
There was a quick rap at the door and you craned your head over the back of the couch to look at it before looking at Jeongin, your eyebrows raised with confusion, but even he was confused about what it could be, who it could be. Nobody knew where he lived, no one except the managers, but he had told them not to tell anyone, and he hadn’t ordered anything and he knew you hadn’t gotten anything either. “I’ll check it… Go wait in the bedroom, okay?” He whispered, taking a moment to appreciate the fact that you had already begun to get up so you could go there, a certain look of fear in your eyes from the unknown of what was behind the door. “I’ll be quick.” He reassured you, kissing your cheek before playfully smacking your ass, smiling to himself as he watched you disappear through the doorway of the bedroom before making his way to the front door.
He had barely even gotten it unlocked, let alone had the chance to pull it open before it was being pushed, the doorknob slamming against the wall behind it and his eyes going wide as he stumbled back. “You… You had her!” There was no way… He couldn’t have found out… He didn’t have the address, he didn’t have anything. “You had her the whole time! What did you do to her?! What did you do!?’
Hyunjin was beyond angry, but his face was already stained with tear streaks as if he had been crying the entire way there. “H-Hyung… I…” Jeongin had prepared everything, he had planned out everything… But he hadn’t been ready for this… He hadn’t prepared to actually be found. That’s when Hyunjin pulled out his phone and shoved it in his face, the picture bright and crystal clear, it was you and Jeongin going through the store, his hand in yours, and there was no doubt about who it was… The only question now was who had taken it.
“You sat back and watched me worry, you pretended to care for two and a half years! It took this for me to find out that you had her the whole fucking time!” He shoved Jeongin back even further, watching with crazed eyes as he fell to the floor. “Where is she, huh?! Where is she?!” And Jeongin didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know the first thing to do. Everything had just returned to the greatest normal it had ever been, and now Hyunjin had come to fuck everything up… This wasn’t what was supposed to happen.
“Hyunjin?” Your voice called softly from the hallway, and they both whipped their heads in your direction, and Jeongin felt like he had been punched in the gut, watching the stars twinkle in your eyes, the fear that the man who stood over him now was going to steal the stars out of his sky. He wasn’t going to lose you, not now, not ever… He’d do whatever it takes… Whatever it takes to keep you with him.
#kpop fanfic#kpop headcanons#kpop drabble#kpop imagines#kpop scenarios#yandere kpop#kpop#stray kids#skz#stray kids x you#skz x you#stray kids x reader#skz x reader#stray kids headcanons#stray kids imagines#stray kids drabbles#stray kids fanfic#stray kids scenarios#skz headcanons#skz imagines#skz scenarios#skz fanfic#skz drabbles#yandere stray kids#yandere skz#yang jeongin#jeongin#yandere!jeongin#yang jeongin x reader#jeongin x reader
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i love ur shigaraki dating hcs post! could u do a current one as well? thx!!
Sure thing! thank you❤️❤️
Shigaraki Dating Headcanons (Paranormal Liberation Front Era) (LOV Reader)
READMORE FOR CURRENT SEASON SPOILERS!
The biggest change in him is confidence, the way he carries himself. As he's grown and developed with the last year of experiences under his belt, Shigaraki has finally grown into his own person out from under his teacher's shadow. He's still a bit of a clingy guy, I don't think that's ever going to change, and he's still going to glare at the occasional person who gets TOO close, but he's growing up and learning to deal with his jealousy his own way. Dabi now teases him that he's "all grown up" with his feelings. He tells him to shut up and go away. The more things change, the more things stay the same.
He makes sure the rest of the PLF knows what's up and to treat you with the same amount of respect he gets. You have pretty much free reign to do whatever you want and handle your own responsibilities while he's getting juiced up in Dr. Garaki's underground lab. He doesn't want you there at first, but honestly, hearing your voice every now and then and being able to hold your hand makes it easier.
You two share a room for convenience sake. Now that he's got a handle on his quirk, his memories, he doesn't think he needs to be separated from you any more than necessary. He knows now, more than ever before, that he couldn't and wouldn't ever hurt the person who has been there for him all this time.
It's after he regains his memories that he realizes exactly what drew him to you, and continues to draw him to you. "Don't reject me anymore." He had been rejected and ignored for all of his childhood for, his feelings pushed aside. You've never rejected him in that way-- even if his feelings for you weren't reciprocated at first, you never looked at him the way that the people in his memories did and offer that kind of hypocritical kindness.
He wants to destroy everything-- that's still true. He's hurt, he's angry, and he hates-- but it's different with you and his comrades. He wants the League to be the seed that his new society grows from, you especially. He wants to give you everything you want, no questions asked.
Since he has his image as the leader to think about, he can't snuggle up to you as much as he'd like-- he doesn't have the same kind of shamelessness that Dabi has. When meetings are over and everyone else files out, this is usually when he asks you to stay for a little longer so he can get his fill of holding you close. He really doesn't kiss you anywhere that someone can walk in on since being interrupted is one of his biggest pet peeves.
He first tells you the words "I love you" (to be perfectly clear, it's actually "I think I love you.") during the nonstop chase with Gigantomachia. You were right there by his side, covered in dirt, sweat and blood, but still tried to comfort him as best as you could. Offering your shoulder or lap as a pillow, trying to take an extra watch so he could (attempt) to sleep just a bit more. While he was out of it for a good chunk of that time period, that was crystal clear in his memory.
Note: If you're not among the baddest bitches in the League and can't handle yourself in a fight of this magnitude, you're spending a lot of time in Mr. Compress' marble. Sorry. It doesn't make it much easier and you DO need to leave it every so often, but Shigaraki would rather play it safe than risk you dying. He'd rather have your permission, but he'll settle for asking for forgiveness afterwards.
"I'm not THAT tired, really!" You protest as he gives you a long, hard look, clearly looking over your current state.
"Compress. Marble."
"NO!!"
He sighs as he takes off his glove to do what he's been asked.
"...Please leave me out of your lover's disputes after this."
It's probably BECAUSE he was a little out of it and going through it like few had before that he was able to say it so clearly, with so little hesitation. He says it during the downtime between Machia's activation cycles, resting on your shoulder, and then immediately goes unconscious before you can say anything back. A simple and pure expression of his feelings. The rest of the League would have been touched if they all hadn't been on their last legs too.
Shigaraki likes to nuzzle up against the palm of your hands when you can have a soft, quiet moment. It doesn't matter if your hands are warm or soft, callused or cold, all that matters is that they're yours. He could identify you just by this in a room full of a thousand people. You ground him, even when he risks losing himself to AFO's voice in his head.
You're one of the few things he'll argue with AFO about. At first, the old bastard was fine with you around because Shigaraki needed allies, experiences, and the 'reward' of you being around is a good control tactic in AFO's eyes, but he also didn't count on Shigaraki truly falling in love with you once he was in jail. If AFO had his way, it would have started and stopped at a puppy love he could have stamped out, but it's a little too late now. Watch your back as best you can, since anything that compromises his control over Shigaraki is considered a threat.
#tomura shigiraki x reader#shigaraki tomura x reader#shigaraki x reader#tomura shigaraki headcanons#shigaraki tomura headcanons#gender neutral reader#mha x reader#bnha x reader#bnha headcanons#mha headcanons
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How do you tear yourself away once you created a hole of sin for yourself? I'm trying to stop sinning- especially with what I ship (I won't go into details but it's bad) I want to go back to christ and I don't know what to do
Me personally? Usually several weeks to a month of combination beating myself up and sulking before I break and end up ugly crying on my bathroom floor or under my couch or somewhere else weird while sobbing out prayers. It's not a process I actually recommend, however.
More seriously, though. There are a few things to keep in mind:
He actually really, really wants you to talk to Him again. He wants to restore that broken relationship. He is not standing ready with a rod - those stripes already fell on another back. He is standing ready with a hug and immeasurable love.
No matter how filthy you feel (and I speak here from experience) His blood is sufficient to wash it all gone. Say the word and repent, and it'll be gone. One of Satan's favorite tactics is tricking us into beating ourselves up over something that the very God of the Universe has obliterated from His memory.
(This is a lesson that I'm still learning.)
That part is, once you can screw yourself up to it, easy enough. It's easy enough to repent. It's breaking the habit of the sin that is oh so hard. Not backsliding right back into it all. And I'm sorry, there is no quick and easy fix for that. (I really wish there were.) It's a teeth-gritted drawn out process. I do some of the usual recommendations - a bit of Bible reading every morning, forcefully turning my thoughts into other directions, thinking of what He suffered for our sin - this can make you lose your taste for it, at least right then, very abruptly; to think of yourself pounding in the nails - any sort of distraction to pull one's mind away from the immediate temptation and back to God.
That said, I'm going to be presumptuous and make some guesses and assertions based on you saying the problem is your shipping specifically. And I'm going to guess that maybe you've got some unhealthy relationships with relationships in general, or will. Or maybe not! But maybe look into that.
That aside, it might be useful to look into what, exactly, about the ship or ships draws you in. If it's just straight-up perversion, yeah scrap that for good. If there are other elements, however, deconstruct it and pick out what exactly it is that you like. Is it the characters' personalities? Backgrounds? Chemistry? Something else? If you can take the elements that aren't sinful and apply them elsewhere, you can start realigning your own preferences into something healthier.
That's the thing; all relational and sexual perversion is Satan's twisting of something very, very good - something designed specifically to mirror Christ's relationship with His Church. There's nothing inherently wrong with shipping as long as it's done right, or liking two compatible characters. I've seen a lot of people do genderbenders to make M/M or F/F ships M/F; I've got no personal opinion on that either way.
But ultimately: pray. Pray pray pray pray pray pray pray. You can't do this. Straight up? You can't do it. Not by your own power. You have to want to. You have to be willing to strive to. But you'll never, ever do it alone. You can't. He's got to do His work in you. And you have to ask Him to.
You can't tear out of that hole. The only way to get out of that hole is to just suck it up and go "Hey. God. I really messed up, I messed up so much, and I need You to do something about it." Pride is a big fat horsechoker pill going down (speaking from experience) and it can make a body squirm to go crawling back feeling absolutely filthy (speaking from experience) especially if it's instance 3,257 of the exact same sin you've been trying to kick for years (speaking from experience) but it is, in the end, the only way out. You've gotta ask Him to throw you a rope, and the only way to do that is to start praying. Some denominations have you Confess it to either a priest or a member of a congregation, but ultimately you're going to have to pray about it anyway. (Speaking from experience.) No matter how much your flesh really, really, really doesn't want to.
I know the guilt looks like an impassable brick wall. I promise it's not. It's an illusion. He's got a wrecking ball that can shatter those bricks into nothing and He's waiting for you to ask Him. Doesn't matter how many bricks, how high, how thick. That Blood can wash it all away.
TL/DR: Pray. Especially if you don't feel like you can or should.
I'm praying for you, Anon. ❤
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Security - Chapter 52: Restoration
summary: Close calls with pirates and a droid cause Din and Astra to seek whatever rest they can manage on Nevarro.
warnings: canon-typical violence, mentions of trauma, angst, fluff, a dash of spice
rating: T
word count: 5.134k
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chapter 52: restoration
Din keeps his wife close to his side as he observes Greef’s reaction to the news. He’s known the magistrate, the High Magistrate, a long time. Pirates being tangled up in his past wouldn’t surprise Din.
“Who are they?” Din asks, his voice low.
Greef looks at him with tight lips. “Probably some old business partners,” he answers, his tone matching Din’s.
Din nods at his old friend. “I can help you with them.” He turns to look at Astra and sets his hands on her shoulders. “Rid’ika, stay here with the kids.”
Astra shakes her head. “Din,” she keeps her voice quiet, “we said no separating.”
“I know.” Din releases a gentle sigh and brings himself closer to her, until his cuirass is nearly touching her chest. “But we don’t know what kind of threat we could be dealing with here.”
Still, Astra shakes her head. Her eyes are widened more than usual as she lifts her hands to grasp Din’s wrists. It’s like Din can see the scene replaying in her eyes, the winds of Tython dropping Din to the surface and carrying Astra to the looming starcruiser in the sky. When she speaks, there’s a tremor in her voice that she tries to suppress. “Please don’t make me.”
Din lifts one of his gloved hands to the side of her face. “Okay.” He’s pleased to see the tension fall from Astra’s shoulders as she leans into his touch. Din circles his jaw, both in concern for her and for their children. “Just… don’t get too close. Blend in with the other civilians so they don’t think we’re associated.”
Astra nods. “I can do that.” She takes Din’s hand and removes it from her face, instead holding it between both of hers. “I’m sorry if I’m being…”
“No.” Din shakes his head at her. “You’re right. This is exactly how it happened back then.” The cold chill of the memory gnaws at his nerves. “I won’t make that mistake again.”
“Mando,” Greef speaks up, drawing the couple’s attention. “We’ve gotta’ go.”
“I’m right behind you,” Din assures him. He looks at his wife again. “Wait one minute after we’ve left to follow us. That’ll make things more believable.”
“Okay.” Astra wraps her hand around the back of Din’s helmet for a quick Keldabe kiss. “Good luck, riduur.”
“You too.” Din allows himself one last glance at his wife and kids before he steps away and follows Greef outside the office. He pauses only to add one more thing. “Ni kar’tayl…”
“Gar darasuum.” Astra finishes the phrase with a fond smile.
It’s her warmth that carries Din forward with Greef. Such a brief separation, even for so minor a threat, proves to be difficult for their family given everything they’ve been through. Din’s thankful that Astra was willing to speak up about it. His instinct is to keep them far away from danger, but in reality, even just a moment spent away from them is nothing short of agonizing.
“Do you have any idea why these pirates are here?” Din questions Greef on their way to the courtyard.
Greef releases a deep exhale. “I have quite a few,” he responds. “But I’m not sure which one it is.”
Din tightens his hands into fists. “Are they dangerous?”
Greef gives him an amused look. “Not for someone like you.”
Din nods and focuses on the way ahead again. “Good.”
They make their way out of the building and down the stairs, heading closer to the heart of the courtyard. Din can hear their voices before they even turn the corner by IG-11’s statue.
“Get out of my way or I’ll split your circuits,” one of the pirates, a Nikto, hisses in the doorway of what was once Nevarro’s cantina. Din forces away any dark thoughts about it and focuses on the task at hand as he and Greef make their approach.
“Stand aside, droid,” the pirate continues. “Don’t you know who we are?”
Greef steps closer to them and Din hangs back. He won’t get involved unless he has to. “Come on, Vane,” Greef says, drawing the small group’s attention. “That’ll be enough of that.”
The main Nikto, Vane, turns towards Greef and opens his arms. “Greef Karga, my old friend.” Din keeps his eye on the situation as he leans against a nearby tree. “I knew you wouldn’t insult us. Come, join us for a drink.”
Greef remains where he is and lifts a hand towards them. “Let’s continue this conversation back at my office,” he insists. “This… this is a school.”
Vane looks back at the doorway and Din takes the opportunity to glance over his shoulder. He sees Astra and the kids lingering over by IG-11’s statue, her gaze fixated on the situation while Grogu tries to distract Zora in the pram. Din holds back a heavy breath and focuses on the pirates once again. “Well,” Vane starts, “that explains why she wouldn’t let me inside.”
The group laughs with Vane. Din keeps his hands folded over his belt. His blaster remains in close reach, should he need it.
“I forgot,” Vane continues, “it was your cut of my boss’ treasure that built this saloon.”
Din circles his jaw. Damn it, Greef. “Pirate King Gorian Shard’s name is familiar to all in this sector,” Greef informs Vane. He closes the distance between them and sets a reassuring hand on Vane’s shoulder. “Come, join me for a drink back at my office. We’ll toast to your captain.”
Greef starts to walk off, but Vane doesn’t follow. Din watches the pirate with a careful eye. “We drink here.”
The High Magistrate stops and takes a deep breath. He turns back around and speaks with less courtesy than before. “That is a school now.”
“I say it’s still a bar.” Vane nods, a few slow and calculated movements. Din raises his brow at the intimidation attempt. “Now, bring us a drink.”
Din finally decides to speak up at the palpable rise in tension. “Is there a problem here, Magistrate?” Din asks, looking over at Greef.
Vane looks between Din and Greef. The Magistrate speaks with composure as he addresses the pirate. “Is there a problem here? What do you think?”
Vane offers a simple shrug. “Not if you serve me a drink.”
“Not in my school.”
“You hear that, boys?” Vane faces some of his men again as he walks further into the street. “His school.” The other pirates start to flank Vane in combat stances. Din prepares himself to do the same. “You paid us for murder and mayhem inside these doors.” Vane sweeps the side of his jacket to reveal his blaster. “Sounds like you went soft.”
Din pushes himself off of the tree to allow himself the freedom to reach for his weapon. “You think so?” Greef remarks. He pulls on his robes to reveal his own blaster. “Try me.”
Vane chuckles as the two men stare each other down. Din keeps himself at the ready, assessing every twitch of the crew’s bodies. He’s no stranger to shootouts, though he can only hope that Greef feels the same way. The tense moments tick by and Din can see a decision being made.
Thankfully, it’s in Greef’s favor.
The Magistrate draws his blaster and shoots before Vane can, causing the blaster to be knocked from the pirate's hand. He lets out an agonized exclamation and clutches the injured hand.
“Tell Captain Gorian Shard that Nevarro is no longer friendly to pirates,” Greef demands. He gestures with his head further down the street. “Now get outta’ here.”
Din shifts his weight, but remains ready. Sure enough, one of the other pirates starts to reach for their weapon. Din has his blaster drawn and firing before they can even think of where to aim. He gets all four in seconds, leaving only Vane standing. Both Din and Greef keep their blasters set on him, and Din tries to ignore the terrified screams of civilians around them. Vane lets out a nervous laugh and shrugs, but Greef isn’t as amused. “Get out of here, Vane. Now.”
Vane sneers at the Magistrate before he runs off. Din’s reluctant to lower his blaster as he glances at Greef. “Sure you wanna let him go?”
Greef holsters his weapons and watches the path Vane veers down. “He’ll let it be known that Nevarro is respectable now and not to be trifled with.”
Din gives the fallen men one last look before he starts to walk off with Greef. No more can be said or processed before Din hears a familiar cry, one that sends him into a rush before he can stop it. Astra’s holding on to their upset daughter who’s reaching a hand out towards Din.
“Baba!” Zora cries for him. “Baba!”
“Oh, Zozo,” Din breathes, stopping in front of Astra to take Zora from her. “It’s okay, baby girl.” He presses a gloved hand to the back of her head and lets her tiny face hide in his cloth-covered neck. “I’m sorry, I know that was loud and scary.” Din’s eyes then widen underneath his helmet as he processes what he just heard. His visor snaps up to Astra. “Did she just…?”
“She tried.” Astra’s face warms with a smile that matches Din’s own. It’s the closest Zora’s come to saying either one of their names.
Din grins to himself and holds his daughter even closer. With Grogu still taking his time on speaking, it’s the first time he’s heard either one of his children address him. Still, his heart weighs heavy at the panicked way in which she’d called for him. “If only it wasn’t under such circumstances.”
Grogu coos from the pram, catching Din’s attention as he watches his son and Astra share a look. She pats his head before she takes a step closer to Din. “If it’s any consolation,” Astra murmurs, keeping her words between the two of them, “I found your intimidation to be very… enjoyable.”
Din’s helmet grows warmer at her words. “I’m sure you did, cyar’ika.” He gestures to Zora, who’s since started to calm down in her father’s embrace. “But unfortunately, now isn’t really the time for that.”
Astra’s brow raises in a challenging manner, but before she can go on, Greef catches up to them and starts to speak. “I gotta’ level with you, Mando,” he addresses Din, though he looks between the two of them. “I need a marshal.”
Din and Astra exchange a concerned glance. “What happened to Cara?” Astra asks the question that’s been burning in both their minds ever since they landed.
“After she brought in Moff Gideon,” Greef explains, “she was recruited by Special Forces.”
Din stiffens upon hearing his adversary’s name. “And what came of Gideon?”
Greef scoffs. “He was sent off to a New Republic War Tribunal.”
It’s Din’s turn to scoff with disapproval. He wonders if Paz had been right on Glavis to say that Din should’ve just gone for the kill. Astra brushes her side against his and he gives her a look of gratitude.
“So…” Greef continues, “what do you say? You ready to put on the stripes and collect a healthy stipend? You’d make a very fine lawman.”
Din exchanges another look with his wife. It’s not a bad gig, and should the weight of the galaxy not be on his shoulders, he wouldn’t hesitate to accept it and finally settle down with his family. Astra speaks up while Din continues to struggle through his thoughts. “Why not request one from the New Republic?”
Greef pauses, shifting his weight as he considers his words. “The last thing we intend is to bow down to yet another far-off bureaucracy. No. Under my watch, Nevarro will become the first truly independent trade anchor in this entire sector.”
Din swings his helmet, summoning the strength to reject his old friend. “I can’t serve as your marshal.” He pulls Zora close for comfort. “I have something pressing to attend to.”
Greef looks between the two of them and opens his arms. “Apologies.” His arms fall back at his sides as he chuckles. “I didn’t know you were here on business.” Greef smiles and sets a supportive hand on Astra’s shoulder. “What can we provide?”
Astra glances at Din to give him the go-ahead. Din nods at Greef. “Two things, if you don’t mind.” His wife raises a curious eyebrow at his words, though Din goes on before she can question him. “My family needs a place to rest this evening before we set out again.”
“Of course!” Greef’s response is hearty. “Your family is always welcome here.”
Din nods again and runs his gloved hand over Zora’s curly head. “Thank you.” He shifts his attention to the statue of IG-11 that towers over them and uses his free hand to point to it. “Also… I need him back.”
Greef looks between Din and IG-11 in confusion. Even Astra leans close and tilts her head at him. “Riduur…?”
“IG-11 was destroyed on the lava river,” Greef reminds Din with a laugh of disbelief. “This is just a statue.”
Din glances at the statue again. “These are his parts, are they not?”
“I mean… what’s left of ‘em. We were lucky to recover any of his parts after he self-destructed.”
Din pauses and shifts his weight. Astra sets her hand on his armored shoulder and he looks over at her. The furrow in her brow matches Greef’s. “Why do we need IG-11?” she asks. Her tone carries a question of its own; Why didn’t you tell me this before?
“We need a droid we can trust to help us explore Mandalore,” Din explains, speaking both to his wife and their friend. He returns his attention to Greef and points his finger up at IG-11. “And he’s that droid.”
“Mando,” Greef starts, “we’ve got plenty of droids around here, we’ll find you one. I guarantee it.”
Din refuses to move on the matter. “Let me give it a shot,” he insists.
Greef lets out a deep breath and sets his hands on his hips. “All right.” He nods in the direction of his own droid. “I’ll have a crew gather the parts for you.”
When Greef speaks to his droid, Astra pulls Din aside, lowering her voice to keep their conversation private. “How are we supposed to do this?” She searches his visor with a panic that makes Din want to put the entire galaxy on hold for her. “We barely have enough room in the ship for the four of us. Now, we’re adding a droid?”
“Not just any droid,” Din reminds her. “IG-11. He could be a huge help with the kids.” He gestures to Zora in his arms, who’s since returned to her napping state against his clothed neck. He smiles at the sight of her cheek squished against his cuirass. “We need his help, just in case the planet is unsafe.”
Astra’s jaw tightens. She sighs and sets her hands on her hips, looking around before she nods. “You’re right. I just… I don’t know how we’re gonna make it work.” Her gaze meets Din’s visor again. His chest constricts at the betrayal he sees there. “You didn’t tell me.”
“I’m sorry.” Din’s quick to utter the genuine apology. He lifts a hand from Zora to hold Astra’s face. “You’re right, I should’ve told you first.” Din gives his wife a firm nod. “We’re going on this journey together. It’s only fair that you get a say in our plans.”
Astra sets her hand over his and smiles. “It’s all right. You probably had a good reason for not telling me.”
Din shrugs. “Well… you were asleep on the way here and I didn’t want to wake you up.”
Astra laughs and shakes her head. “I would expect nothing less from you.” She holds his hand between her own. “You can wake me up to tell me important things.”
Din tilts his helmet at her. “You needed the rest.”
Before Astra can argue with him, Greef approaches them. “They’re working on the statue right now,” Greef informs them, gesturing to the droids who dissemble various pieces of IG-11. “We can head back up to my office.”
The Djarins fall in step alongside Greef as he takes them back to where they were before. Din’s reluctant to hand his sleeping daughter away, but he’s at least rewarded by the sight of Astra holding and rocking her by the open balcony. He’s busy at work soon, anyway, the parts having been delivered in record time. Din puts in the work Kuiil once taught him while Grogu and Greef watch, the little one’s eyes lighting up with every spark Din creates.
At one point, Din can hear Zora stirring from her sleep. He pauses only then to glance over his shoulder and watch as Zora whines at Astra and taps her mouth. Astra’s gaze meets Din’s visor before she speaks. “Greef,” she calls for the magistrate, “is there any chance you have some soft foods I can feed Zora?”
“Absolutely,” Greef remarks. He calls for his droid to bring them something and Din shifts himself around a bit before he continues his work. He adds on to Astra’s request.
“Can you make sure there’s enough for Grogu and Astra, too?”
He can sense the sharp look Astra gives him. “And for you.”
Din gives his helmet a quick tilt. “I’ll eat later.”
Astra’s footsteps make their way closer to Din. Zora coos with wonder at the work Din’s doing when Astra makes it to Din’s side. She sets her hand on the part of his back not covered by his jetpack. “You haven’t had something to eat in a while.”
Din says nothing, only looking between Astra and Greef. Astra takes a deep breath in understanding. He offers her a nod; I’ll be all right. Astra tightens her lips and shifts her attention to Din’s work.
“You’re making good progress.” Astra’s hand runs supportive circles over Din’s back. Zora and Grogu both coo as if they’re agreeing with her. “Where did you learn to do all this?”
Din ignores the way his throat tightens. “Kuiil.” His work slows as he forces himself to take a breath. “A lot of the wiring is similar to the Crest, too.”
Astra draws herself closer to his side. “Well, Kuiil would be very proud of you.” She takes her hand from his back and uses it to hold his beskar cheek, urging him to look over at her. Astra’s smile is warm and floods Din with that very same feeling. “I’m very proud of you, too.”
Din takes a quick moment to press his helmet against her forehead before he speaks. “We don’t know if he works yet, rid’ika.”
“Still.” Astra lets his helmet go but stays close. “I’m proud of you for trying.”
Din smiles to himself and utters a silent thank-you to the stars for bringing Astra into his life. Before he can say the same to her, Greef approaches with a droid trailing him. “Your delicacies are ready,” he announces, looking pointedly at Astra.
“Thank you,” Astra responds. She moves away from Din’s side to take the silver platter that the droid’s handing out to her. As she heads towards Greef’s desk, she stops and gives Din a once over. “It’ll be your turn tonight.”
Din nods to acknowledge her and her concerns. “Understood, ner kar’ta.”
Astra brushes her shoulder against his in a gentle and affectionate manner. Din bites back a smile and returns all his focus back on his work.
It’s not much longer before Din solders the last wire. “There.” He stands up straighter and assesses his work. Grogu offers a curious coo from where he still stands watching Din on the table. “He’s hooked up to power.” Din looks over his shoulder and sees Astra and Zora—who’s focusing very hard on the fruit she’s eating—come closer. He turns back to his work and adds the finishing touches. “Let’s see if we can wake him up.”
Din runs the wires together and waits until they spark. He pulls his hands back slowly, his heart sinking when IG-11 remains motionless. Greef sets his hands on his hips and gives Din a dubious look. Din shakes his helmet and glances at Astra again just to receive a look of comfort. His attention only returns to the droid when Grogu coos and the mechanisms begin to whir.
The group watches in awe as IG-11’s parts start to move, from the rings around his head to the metal fingers on his arm. He even starts to sit up on his own. Greef offers a laugh of shock before he glances at Din in amazement. “There you go.”
Din’s excitement returns as his gloved fingers flutter at his sides. He gives Astra yet another look and warmth floods him at the genuine pride she displays in her smile. Din turns back to see Grogu inching closer to IG-11 with his own excited coo before the droid begins to speak.
“Subparagraph sixteen-teen-teen,” IG-11 struggles, his voice distorted, “of the Bondsman Guild protocol waiver…”
Din’s blood starts to run cold as Grogu reaches out towards the droid.
“Immediately produce said…” IG-11 pauses and looks between Din and Grogu. “The bounty is mine. Asset to be terminated.”
IG-11’s lights go red and that’s when Din takes Grogu into his arms. He narrowly avoids IG-11’s aggressive reach for the child who coos in dismay. IG-11 throws himself off the table and crawls towards them, though Din already has his blaster engaged. The shots ring off around the room despite the fact they have no effect on the bloodthirsty droid.
“Terminate asset,” IG-11 repeats the command over and over again, though his words can barely be heard over the sudden loud crying of Zora.
Din backs away until IG-11 manages to grab his boot. Knowing Astra’s preoccupied with Zora, he looks to his old friend for help. “Greef!” he calls for him, gesturing to Grogu in his arms. He silently apologizes to his son as he tosses him over to Greef.
Greef catches him and immediately gains IG-11’s attention. The droid leaves Din alone and crawls towards the magistrate. Greef takes a step back and gives Din a panicked look. “Mando, shoot it! Shoot it!”
Din obeys the command and only stops when a vibroblade flies out of his peripherals. It’s Astra’s blade that sinks into IG-11’s head, slowing him enough for Greef’s droid to crush IG-11 with the magistrate’s bronze bust. Everyone in the room takes a moment to recover while Din holsters his blaster and attempts to break the tension. “Now that’s using your head.”
Zora’s cries don’t stop. Din looks her way and sees his own panic reflected back at him in Astra’s gaze. Astra gently shushes their daughter and turns towards the balcony, bringing Zora outside in an effort to calm her. Din takes a deep breath and looks at Greef again.
“I think he defaulted to his old programming.”
Greef raises his brow. “You think?” Grogu coos as if to agree with him.
Din looks at IG-11’s crushed form and sighs. “There has to be a way I can get around it.”
Greef gives his head a shake. “It’ll be too complicated.” He gestures towards the open balcony. “Plus, it’s getting late. Why don’t you let your family get some rest, and in the morning, I’ll help you bring IG to the best droidsmiths on planet?”
Din stands up straighter. “That… sounds perfect.” He nods at his old friend. “Thank you.”
Greef raises his free hand. “No need.” He smiles and offers Grogu back to Din. “I already booked you the finest room at the town’s best inn.”
Din tilts his helmet in gratitude, though his focus now shifts to his son. Grogu coos while Din assesses him. “You okay, buddy?”
Grogu coos in the affirmative. Din tucks Grogu into the corner of his arm and sets his tiny hand between two of his fingers. He then makes his way over to Astra and Zora, who stand and watch the setting sun together. Zora’s since buried himself into her mother’s neck while Astra rocks her back and forth. Din’s gaze meets his wife’s and he’s relieved to find that she’s more at peace than before.
“I’m sorry for the scare,” Din begins, setting his free hand on Astra’s back. “Greef’s gonna help me take IG to some droidsmiths tomorrow. He already has a room ready for us at the inn.”
Astra’s expression morphs into a relief Din hasn’t seen in a long time. “Perfect.” She gives him a sharp look. “We’ll get you something to eat there.”
Din smiles to himself and nods at her. “Sure.”
Greef has some of his droid staff prepare IG-11 for the next day’s venture while he leads the Djarin family to the inn. It’s not too far from his office in the center of town, which proves to be beneficial for the parents whose children have since fallen asleep. Greef leaves them at their suite, which comes with one room for the kids and another for Din and Astra.
They work together to get the two sleeping children settled before they run their usual nighttime routine. Astra helps Din take his armor off, a luxury Din knows they likely won’t have for a long time, and he offers his shirt for her to change into. Astra doesn’t let him rest until he’s gotten a meal in him, though he’s adamant about her getting the same thing, too. Din’s relieved when their heads hit their pillows for the night.
Din can feel the light from Nevarro’s moon hitting his face as Astra rests her head on his chest and strokes his cheek with her knuckles. He fights hard not to let his face warm at the intimate touch he wishes he could experience more often, despite their circumstances. Astra’s lips remained curled up in a soft smile.
“Hiding a face this handsome from the galaxy should be a sin of its own,” Astra murmurs. The words cause Din to lose his battle with shyness as his face burns hot.
“I don’t know.” Din takes a gentle grasp on Astra’s hand and kisses her palm. “It’s special to me that you and the kids are the only ones in the galaxy who get to see me.”
Astra grins wider and pulls herself closer to him. She lays on top of him, now, as her nose presses against his own. “If you’re content with that,” she whispers, her lips brushing his, “then so am I.”
Din doesn’t kiss her just yet. Instead, he keeps them in this place, their hearts racing and their breaths fanning over one other as their smiles fight to melt against each other. He wraps his arms around her as he speaks. “You’re all I could ever need.”
Astra starts to close the gap, setting the ghost of a kiss upon his mouth before she responds. “Are you just saying that,” she pauses to look him in the eye, “or are you going to prove it?”
Din raises his brow at her. “I’ll prove it the best way I can.” He tightens his grasp on her as he gently turns them over, so that he’s now the one hovering over her. “Minding our sleeping children in the other room.”
Astra giggles and cradles his face like a woman who’s just fallen in love for the first time. “Of course.” Her voice is still as soft as ever, her thumbs brushing over his cheeks. “Because you’re a wonderful father. Even just today, you’ve protected them, nurtured them, showered them with the utmost affection…” Astra shakes her head, aimless. It’s as if she’s run out of words to say.
Din leans close and lets his smile meet her own. “Now, it’s your turn.”
With that, his lips finally and fully press against her own, joining them together in a display of affection that burns Din’s chest in a fiery blaze of love, desire, and passion. They’ve learned each other like the backs of their own hands and Din seeks out the feeling of her, the other and better half of himself. The hand not supporting himself runs along the material of his tunic that covers her side, though a silent plea for permission allows him the chance to slide his hand onto the smooth skin beneath it. That touch alone brings him to life in a way that’s inexplicable, sparking a connection that’s dangerously yet beautifully intoxicating.
Astra offers the same thing, her fingertips tracing lines of muscle that Din knows she’s come to memorize over the years. They prefer the lovely suffocation of their kiss to the air their lungs cry out for. It’s another testament to their strength and everything they’re willing to endure for just one more moment spent together. Din doesn’t know how many more they’ll get after this one, and so as he tangles himself up more and more with Astra, he doesn’t make himself stop. He continues to burn her love and her touch into himself and his skin so he can have it for the days to come, a mental marking of the affection that goes beyond any words.
They only separate when the heavy weight of their travels thus far wins out. Astra hides herself within Din’s neck just as their daughter had done hours before, and Din’s more than welcome to share that shelter with those he loves most in the galaxy. She hums with content as she speaks in a voice so hushed Din nearly misses it. “I love you, Din.”
Din smiles and presses a kiss to her head. “I love you too, cyar’ika.” He runs his hand along her back as he silently urges her to sleep.
He tries not to let the sweetness of the moment go bitter as his fears about their journey start creeping in. The weight of the hilt that hangs from his belt follows him everywhere, demanding attention wherever it goes. Din’s not even sure if the planet they’re heading to is safe, but Astra had insisted that he wouldn’t go alone. If he’s being honest with himself, it’s not a quest he’d like to complete on his own, either.
But the risk it all poses for his family is great, and Din’s set on doing everything he can to keep them safe, no matter the cost.
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