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goji-pilled · 3 years

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Okay @princekirijo you want an essay? Well here it is now, or as I like to call it Felix's "Asumari is great and this fandom has no fucking taste" rambling and infodump. Congrats fellas, thanks to Prince you ALL get an asumari essay. But before that I'll try to give you a rundown of Mari and Asuka.

(I'm also so sorry for putting this long ass post on everyone's dashboard)

(Spoiler warning for Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time!!)

Alright on one hand we have Mari Illustrious Makinami. Her whole deal? She's a walking ray of sunshine, literally lol. Unlike any other character in the Evangelion franchise she doesn't suffer from her trauma, she's quite literally the only healthy and functioning human being, she's just slightly leaning towards "batshit crazy" with the stunts she pulls 🤷‍♂️. Other than that she just loves living, she loves being with people, she keeps moving forward, stays positive and decides to live life to it's fullest even after she experiences loss and multiple apocalyptic events (Second Impact, Third Impact, etc.) and she really just embodies the joy of living. That's all there is to her, or at least all we know.

On the other hand, we have Asuka Langley Shikinami who is... well it's hard to explain what she is to be honest. She's part-German and part-Japanese and part of a line of clones specifically made with the purpose to pilot an Evangelion and later on be used as a sacrifice to trigger another Impact (ITS COMPLICATED I KNOW-) Asuka is, unlike Mari, very much suffering from her trauma. She doesn't have her parents and has a very deep seated belief that she's completely alone, which she says doesn't matter as long as she can pilot the Eva. She also very much wants to fight and kill angels all by herself, and it's seriously messing with her when she can't achieve that.

Now we get to the more interesting parts (hopefully this so far wasn't too confusing, then again it's Eva and even I can't fully wrap my head around it all LMAO)

In the second Rebuild movie (Evangelion 2.0 You can (not) advance) we get introduced to both of them, Mari's introduction scene (in the original English dub) has her pilot an Eva and singing about how she'll take the world on by herself, while in the third movie's (Evangelion 3.0 You can (not) redo) opening scene she's piloting the Eva again but this time it's together with Asuka (in her own Unit 02 though) and during that Mari sings about how wonderful it is not to be alone. It's nothing big yet, but it's a really cute detail me thinks,,, you know what else I love about them? They bicker and they banter and it's genuinely so fun to listen to shskdhsuwj

(For a quick catch up: During the end of 2.0 Shinji (the protagonist) triggers another apocalyptic event, the Near Third Impact, and was only stopped due to Kaworu (the guy in my pfp) stepping in. Also between 1.0/2.0 and 3.0/3.0+1.0 are about 14 years (without Shinji bc he's like comatose) where A LOT happens AND we learn in 3.0 that Eva pilots don't age physically bc of "The curse of the Eva"... honestly Eva is wild lmao)

Okay okay I'll get back to it!

So one thing that happens is that Asuka during 2.0 develops a crush on Shinji (girl why-), unfortunately things take a turn for the worse. Asuka had volunteered to be the testpilot for a new Eva (Unit 03), she seemed happy at the time and it was a really sweet build up with the "I can smile, I didn't know I could still do that."-line. And then? Then it turns out the Ninth Angel had infected Unit 03 (Angels are basically the Kaijus they fight using Evas btw). The thing goes on a loose and Shinji is forced to fight it (With Asuka inside mind you), he refuses and his father uses an autopilot to destroy Unit 03. And boy did it destroy the angel, well it and it crushed Asuka between its jaws (you can actually hear her scream btw haha pain :)).

Asuka survived though, but the whole incident cost her her humanity and she ended up becoming an angel herself/she took the place of the Ninth. But despite that, there's one person who keeps believing in Asuka's humanity, who fiercely believes Asuka is still a human and tells her as much.

Yep, that one person is Mari and she keeps holding onto that belief until the very end when Asuka uses her last resort, which is using the power of an angel (Doing so was a guaranteed death sentence btw). Mari's own words (in the German dub) were, "Princess, you're giving up being human…" AND IT MAKES ME SO EMO GOD FUCK

While I'm at it, Mari and Asuka are a fucking killer combo as a team. They rely on each other for support in combat, listen to the other's orders and advice. Especially in Asuka's case it's kind of a big deal that she so openly relies and counts on Mari's support. Like these two trust each other with their damn lifes!!! Holy shit!!

Guess what though, they also have nicknames for eachother. Mari always calls Asuka "Princess" or "(Your) Highness" while Asuka calles Mari "Four-eyes" / "Four-eyed chrony (idk how you spell that tbh RIP" Even better though, in the German dub Asuka calls Mari "Brillerella" as in a combination of "Brille" (German for glasses) and "Cinderella",,,,Cinderella and her Prince,,,Brillerella and her Princess,,, man, that was a gay fucking move of the translation team. Spoiler: I owe them my life.

Funfact: There's exactly two times throughout the Rebuild movies where Mari uses Asuka's actual name. These two times being when she watches Asuka "die" and be used as a sacrifice for Gendo's selfish plan and when later on she begs Shinji, "So please the Princess… Asuka needs your help!" And the best part? That wasn't even the first time she did that. The mentioned line came from 3.0+1.0, but she did that too in 3.0 with the, "At least save the Princess!" line (although her tone was much more...pissed, like she was really angry lol)

Remember the crush Asuka had on Shinji? Well due to the Unit 03 incident a whole lot of other shit got mixed into that and her feelings for him in general became really bitter (understandably so). Now Mari being who she is sometimes teases Asuka about said old crush but she really does want Asuka to get closure and sort that mess out.

As an example for the teasing, in 3.0 there's a scene that goes like this (please imagine Mari with a literal :3 face while saying that):

"Unit! Are you back in the game?"

"I'm on it, your Highness. But first things first, how was our little puppy (Shinji)? Did he sit like a good little boy?"

"He's exactly the same! Same stupid face talking mayhem!"

"That goofy face of his, that's what you wanted to see? Riiiiight?"

"Shut up! I went there to bat him one!... And I feel better!"

There's also a very short bonus manga that was released in Japan for Thrice Upon a Time's release that has Mari trying to convince Asuka to come with her on the mission to get Shinji, given everything that follows, it's just another thing to prove my point. And the final bit relating to that is this:

"Feeling better now?"

"Yeah, I do feel better."

That's the exchange Asuka and Mari have after they talked to Shinji, it's nothing special but I think it's really sweet and this time Asuka actually sounded like she was feeling better instead of when she was screaming after she nearly broke pretty thick glass with her fist (If she had hit someone with that much force she definitely would've broken something omggg #violentimpulsesgang)

To get back on track though: I already mentioned it but during the second half of 3.0+1.0 Asuka "dies" (and honestly that entire scene is worth its own in-depth post because its just one huge parallel to The End of Evangelion), the point is: You can tell that the loss of Asuka honestly hits Mari hard. Not only because of how Mari screams Asuka's name but also because of her expressions. They're pained, like really fucking pained and Mari even apologizes to her that she has to fall back due to the fact that she's injured AND because eveything is going wrong.

After the events of Evangelion 3.0 these two got seperated from eachother, Mari was with WILLE (the organization both of them are with) and on board of Wunder (the ship WILLE basically operates from) while Asuka was in a Village full of (Near) Third Impact Survivors. When they do meet again it went like this:

Asuka, barely back, comes to the door and calls, "I'm back." And within seconds of Asuka stepping into their room after the door opens Mari already runs towards her, arms wide open and she says, "Welcome back, your Highness! Good job. I missed you so much!" And she says that while she literally nuzzles into Asuka,,,like,,,what the fuck gay people real!!!

Best part? Asuka clearly has enough strength to push Mari completely away if she were uncomfortable, but she doesn't. Asuka merely wanted enough space to look at the room (because Mari managed to horde even more books lol) and play her game. During their entire renunion Mari keeps hugging her, and part of me thinks that perhaps deep down Asuka actually enjoys the feeling of physical affection.

Before we get to the last point though, let me say that Asuka and Mari have scenes in 3.0+1.0 that parallel Shinji and Kaworu's from 3.0. (Fyi Kaworu loves Shinji (yeah, like that, and 3.0 was basically them being gay as fuck for an hour) so like...do I even need to explain?

And then of course there's also this, the "Take care of yourself, Princess…" line. That is the last time Mari talks to Asuka and as much as that line alone already is so much, it's Mari's expression in particular that kills me. Because this? This soft, almost bittersweet expression she has, as she basically says goodbye? Because she knows Asuka will finally be happy and safe? It just makes me feel so much actually. Man.

In the end it's a fact that Mari loved Asuka, wether that is interpreted as platonic or romantic by someone is up to them. But it is a fact that Asuka was loved enough that someone wanted to hug her, was happy to see her, to praise her, was hurt by her loss, wanted her to be safe, that someone told her "Take care of yourself…" Asuka was really and honestly so loved that someone would tell her, "I missed you."

But Asuka? Asuka was too hurt, too wrapped up in her own head to actually see how loved she was by Mari (and other people) that she genuinely believed she's completely alone and always will be alone.

It makes the "Take care of yourself" line hit even harder to me, because it's not only Mari's goodbye, but it's a goodbye during the one time Asuka allowed herself to be vulnerable and admit what she really wanted.

And honestly? All of this? Its makes me feel so many things and I just love them so much man.

#the felix talk #IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG #HDMSGDMDGSJSGEH #3.0+1.0 spoilers

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love-patient-0s-writing-world · 3 years

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Thorns

Shuichi x Reader

Class: SFW

Word Count: 2k

CW: Hanahaki, blood, cursing/swearing, a few headcanons of mine about hanahaki slipped through, tiny bit of Kaede slander(sorry), jealousy, Harukaito, Ishimondo, talk of death,

Part: 1, 2(coming soon)

Note: Sorry this took so long! Life in general happened and this story got out of hand and a lot longer than expected, so I’m chopping it up into parts. Also please let me know if you’d like me to add something to the CW.

‘Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid STUPID.....I’m so fucking stupid’ why did I have to fall for him of all people, the boy who very obviously likes someone else and that somebody else clearly reciprocates them; it’s only a matter of time until either of them confesses and then their perfect love story would start, it was destined to be.....so why did this have to happen? This horrible tight feeling in your chest, the cuts that were littered through out your esophagus and mouth, the awful myriad of vibrant rose petals and fully bloomed ones accompanied by their thorny stems which were stained pink with blood.

It all started when you lost your sweater, running around the school searching like a mad man for it. That’s when you quite literally ran into the poor detective, you two were in the same grade and shared a few classes, you even sat behind him in homeroom but never really talked outside of the usual formalities, that was understandable due to your somewhat questionable reputation; so maybe caging him beneath you in the middle of a hallway wasn’t the best outside of class introduction. You very quickly got off him apologizing profusely, when you saw his bright red face only one word came to mind ‘cute’. You helped him get off the ground, remembering about your missing sweater you decide to ask if he’s seen it. “Hey Shuichi, you wouldn’t have happened to see a (F/C) sweater anywhere have you?” he took a second to respond “No I haven’t seen one, sorry” “It’s ok don’t worry about it, besides I’m the one who lost it” trying to sound as reassuring as possible.

“Well...I better get back on the hunt-” but before you could say goodbye he interrupted you “I-I can help you look for it if you want?” “Well I guess having another pair of eyes isn’t bad, plus you’re the Ultimate Detective right?” “Y-yeah.” you started walking down the hallway without warning. He followed after you quickly like a lost puppy, both of you walk into various classrooms getting more and more disheartened when you didn’t find it. That’s when it hits you “I think I might know where it is. But you can’t tell anybody about where this place is, ok?” he looked rather hesitant but curiosity got the better of him “S-sure.” You waved for him to follow you and he did, as you walked towards the back of the school he started to get nervous “H-hey isn’t this the area where M-Mondo and his g-gang hang out in?” “Yes but there’s no need to worry...unless you need or want to leave then please feel free to go, you’ve already helped me a ton today.” You looked back at him with a reassuring smile “N-no...I’ll keep looking with you.” You just kept walking until you stopped in front of a door with the Crazy Diamonds logo on it, Shuichi just stared at the door with wide eyes. Before he could ask any questions you knocked on the metal door, a little window slides open “Heey (Y/N)!” “Heeey Ryuji!” but before he opened the door fully he saw Shuichi who was hiding behind you. “Who’s the runt?” “Don’t worry he’s with me.” you gently pulled him next to you. “...Alright, but he better not snitch.” “I made sure he wouldn’t.” You smlied at Ryuji as he opened the door to let you both in.

You leaned into him and whispered “Stay close.” he nodded and did just that. It was a rather large room with bikers and delinquents alike entertaining themselves, they had turned an abandoned storage area into a rather nice rec room. As the two of you walked towards the back of the room, you noticed how Shuichi was being jostled around. You snake an arm around his waist and pull him close to you “Sorry, but it wouldn’t be good if you got injured somehow because of me.” leaning in to whisper that in his ear, an extreme blush burned across his face “I-It’s ok.” You just tried to quicken the pace so you could let him go from your hold although for some reason you really didn’t want to. Once you reached the back you turned into a dark hallway with a door near the end, when you reached the door you knocked on it. He could hear shuffling from inside when all of a sudden the door swung open, causing him to jump a bit. Standing in front them was the Ultimate Biker Gang Leader, Mondo Owada “WHO THE FU-(Y/N)!?” his demeanor did a complete 180. The anger on his face melted off and his voice lost it’s gruffness “What are you doing here kid? You rarely ever come here after school.” before you could answer him, he looked over and saw Shuichi. He was shaking like a leaf when Mondo’s sharp gaze landed on him. “Who-” your arm was still wrapped around his waist, holding him close to you, this did not get past his sharp eyes “Heeeeyyyy! Did you come here to tell me that you finally got a piece of ass! Congrats kid!” he pat your shoulder as if you’d won an award. You stood there silent from shock, sure you thought Shuichi was incredibly smart and extremely pretty even while he turned into a tomato right next to you. Your grip around him subconsciously tightened, when you finally shook off the shock. You were about to correct him and ask if you left your sweater here, but as usual you were cut off.

“Hey! That’s a very unwholesome thing to say! Especially to underclassmen, we’ve got to be a good example to them!” Taka marched up to the door and stood next to Mondo his face resembled that of an angry disapproving mother. He looked over to you and Shuichi “Hello (Y/N)!” “Hey Taka.” he stuck his hand out towards Shuichi “You must be (Y/N)’s boyfriend! What’s your name, are you an ultimate as well?” Shuichi hesitantly shook his hand “Uhhh...m-my name is Sh-Shuichi Saihara, I’m the Ultimate D-Detective.” he was clearly nervous and didn’t want to possibly upset them by correcting their assumption, at least that’s what you thought with the way he leaned further into you. Mondo started to chuckle a bit “Wow kid you’re more like me than I thought.” “What do you mean?” quirking an eyebrow at him “We’re both delinquents and are dating a goody two shoes.” “We’re not date-ing!” your voice cracked hard but you continued anyways “We’re just friends.” Mondo stared at you a bit before chuckling again the smile on his face getting bigger “Ahhhh I get it friends” you just sighed in defeat as the biker wiggled his eyebrows at the two of you.

Taka cleared his throat getting everyone’s attention “Anyways, (Y/N) what did you come here for?” by the sounds of it he already knew why you showed up. “I came to ask if I left my swea-” “Yes you did in fact leave your sweater here.” you could practically feel the lecture coming. He walked into the room and returned shortly, with a neatly folded (F/C) sweater in hand “You really shouldn’t forget your sweater, what if you or your...friend was freezing, you could’ve caught a cold!” ‘Wow he doesn’t believe me either’ snatching your sweater away from him “I know, I know” letting out a small sigh ‘finally I can leave’. “Alright we’re going to leave now!” “Alright kiddo! I’m sure you and your friend will have lots of fun together!” you started to walk away faster with Shuich still glued to your side. When you both were out of earshot Mondo slung his arm around Taka “How come every relationship that’s with an ultimate detective is kept secret?”

You quickly walked towards the exit before anyone else could embarrass you even further. Pushing open the slightly heavy metal door you said a quick ‘bye’ to Ryuji, as soon as the door slammed closed behind you, you let out a sigh of relief. Shuichi was obviously tense but as you let out the soft sigh he relaxed significantly into your side, to an outsider it would’ve looked like you two really were a...couple. ‘OH SHIT MY ARM IS STILL AROUND HIM’ you had to coax the limb into letting go of him especially with the way he had melted into you. It must have taken him a moment to realize that he was no longer in your arms, he took a large step to the side his cheeks flushed pink “S-sorry!” “It’s fine, no need to apologize.” giving him a soft smile. You took a few steps forward hinting at him to follow you and he did, quickly standing by your side again as you brought him back to the ‘safer’ area of the school. “So...uhmm how do you know Mondo” “That’s a looong story....but you don’t need to worry about him” you got close to him and whispered “he’s actually a huge softie once you get to know him.” Giggling when you remembered how the big bad biker started crying over a small stray puppy. His cheeks were a light pink when you looked back at him a small smile ghosting his face, ‘UGH he’s too cute I just wannna scoop him up and...NO, NO I DON’T’ scolding yourself mentally for thinking of something like that, Mondo must have really messed with your mind when he kept talking about dating.

You sighed as you continued on autopilot to the front of the school, somehow forgetting the subject of your VERY UNTRUE thoughts was walking right alongside you. Feeling the cool breeze on your skin made a shiver run down your spine, so you put on the sweater that caused you so much of hastle today. As you slipped it on a soft voice snapped you back into reality “(Y-Y/N)....” “Mhm?” Your eyes drifted over to the fidgeting boy next to you, while straightening out the sweater. You stared at him as he seemed to plan out his words carefully, he’d open his mouth only to close it again, it was actually kinda cute...’AAAAHHH WHY DO I KEEP THINKING LIKE THIS!’ you wanted to slam your head into the concrete wall that surrounded the school. He took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh, effectively grabbing your attention. “A-are you heading h-home?” his voice got quieter ‘Huh?’ “Yeah.” ‘So that’s what he was so nervous to ask?’ You thought to yourself for a moment after seeing his what seems permanently tinted cheeks and shy smile, looking away from him to get an unbiased answer ‘Should I...no this is just a one time thing, I shouldn’t get attached to him.’ You turned back to the blushing boy “Well...I gotta go home, thank you for all your help today Shuichi.” a sweet smile on your face “N-no problem.” You started your walk home but before you stepped out onto the sidewalk you turned around and waved him goodbye, he waved back.

Now it was back to your ordinary life, popping in your earbuds as you made your way back home. When you reached it you opened the door to the almost always empty house, you plopped your bag and stared at the books peaking out cringing a bit at all the homework you need to complete. ‘Well at least I just have one more day until the weekend’ letting out a sigh as you grab the needed books and notebooks to start, it was surprisingly easy so when you finally finished it you went about your usual routine until you decided to crawl into bed. You stared at the ceiling thinking about what exactly happened today, you could feel your heartbeat quicken as his flushed face and soft smile appeared in your brain, instead of shaking it out of your mind you let yourself indulge in the thoughts as you drifted off to sleep; cuddling into one of your plush pillows with a sleepy smile on your face.

I really hope you enjoyed reading this! Apologies for not posting much writing but that is soon to change! Remember to drink water, eat something and get plenty of rest! Feel free to return whenever you want traveler, take care!💜

~Love Patient 0

#🌹x reader rose🌹#shuichi saihara x reader #shuichi x reader #danganronpa killing harmony #killing harmony #ndrv3 #drv3 #ndrv3 shuichi #shuichi saihara #shuichi #hanahaki

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angryschnauzer · 4 years

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Superior Specimen - Chapter 8

Summary: One night when you are following the Archaeology tag on instagram you stumbled across a fun looking dig… and an even more interesting Paleontologist who soon follows you back. Over the following weeks you start chatting and a friendship soon grows.

Relationship: AU Henry Cavill x Female Reader (No race or body shape mentioned)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7

Warnings: Slow Burn, NSFW, 18+, Mutual Masturbation, Phone Sex, Drunken Piggy Back Rides, Oral Sex (Female Recieving), Drama, Theft, Amateur Heroics, Hospital Visit, Shower Sex, Oral Sex (Male Receiving), Blow Job, Fingering, Lavish lifestyle, Henry is loaded, The Shard, Expensive Gifts, Sixty nine, Unprotected Sex, Multiple Orgasms, Public Sex, Exhibitionism, Angst, Argument, Jealousy, Talk of car crashes, heroics, rough sex, use of safe words, Anal play,

I do not operate a tag list, but please follow @angryschnauzerwrites and put that blog onto notifications, as you will then be notified whenever i post something new.

I don’t have a masterlist, but all my works are on AO3, link here. Usually i post oneshots to Tumblr and AO3, and multichapters exclusively to AO3, but as this is my first henry story and its going to be a short series, i’ll post to both places.

Chapter 8

On the tube an old woman had offered you a tissue and had whispered quietly;

“He’s not worth crying over my dear”

You swallowed and smiled weakly at her;

“Unfortunately he was… he was just an idiot too”

“They all are my dear, they all are”

She got off at the next stop, giving you a pat on the arm before leaving the carriage, leaving you ride the rest of the way to Fulham Broadway on your own.

You were on autopilot when you arrived, walking through the small shopping mall that had grown around the tube station, grabbing a pair of overpriced knock-off designer sunglasses from the concession stand to hide your puffy and red eyes, swollen from crying. As you stood in the crowd at the lights to cross the road, a stream of Ambulances and Police cars screamed past, lights and sirens blasting, but it was London, every day there was a crisis or accident and you were used to them.

The walk to your flat was quick, just a few roads from the tube, and you were thankful you’d brought your small clutch bag from the hotel room that had your phone, wallet, and keys in. Once inside you pulled off your clothing, everything Henry had bought for you, tossing it into a heap on the floor before you climbed into bed and curled into a ball, sobbing into the pillow.

You woke to the sound of a metal on plastic crunch from the street outside, familiar with the sound and you knew it was vehicle vs wheelie bin, an all too familiar occurrence when collection day was on a Friday and people went out that night, so the street would still be littered with bins the following day. Staring up at the ceiling you heard the doorbell ring, glaring at the ceiling but refusing to move. You didn’t care if your bin that had ended up a casualty of a car not looking where it was going, so when the bell finally timed out you closed your eyes… only to be rudely disturbed by a loud knocking on the door a minute later, a muffled voice from the other side;

“Princess… it’s me; Henry… please, just tell me you’re ok… I’ve got to know you’re ok…”

You could feel your emotions rising within you; a heat, an anger, and as the knocking continued you grabbed the dressing gown hanging on the back of the door and was still tying it as you pulled the door open, but surprised to see state of Henry, his clothes a mess and his face blotchy;

“What the hell happe…”

Your words were cut short as he pulled you into his arms, hugging you tight;

“You’re alright… my god, you’re ok…”

“Henry, what is going on?”

He let you go and started pacing;

“I was an ass, I didn’t follow you, I was stupid… I tried calling you but you never picked up…”

“I had it on silent… I didn’t want anyone to disturb our date”

“And then the accident, I’d gone back to the hotel, I knew it was the closest tube to where we were...”

“Accident?”

“There was an accident, on the road outside the London Bridge Tube, a bus and council truck collided and ran into the queue… I stayed and helped the emergency services; I was trying to find you… but you weren’t there…”

Your hand was over your mouth, tears pooling on your lashes as you looked at him, and realised he cared so much for you that he had literally pulled people out of the wreckage of an major accident because he thought he had lost you. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders you cradled the back of his head as he slumped to the floor, sobbing into your shoulder and the softness of your dressing gown.

Finally he pulled his head back, a weak smile on his face as he looked into your eyes, and you saw a different Henry, one that was fragile, one that needed you as much as you needed him.

“C’mon, let me put the kettle on”

Sipping on sweet tea as you both sat at the kitchen table, dunking Digestive biscuits in the deep brown steaming mugs, you looked him up and down;

“You are a mess”

He glanced down and realised his shirt and jeans were covered in dirt, grime, and in some places blood;

“You’re right” he paused before looking back to you; “Look, I’ve got a suggestion… pack a bag. Comfy clothing, overnight things. We’ll head back to the hotel and collect our things, then head back to my place. I’ll cook dinner and we can talk… ask all those things we’ve both wanted to ask since we met, yeah?”

He looked at you like a hopeful puppy, his deep blue eyes watery where he feared you would say no, but as you nodded he let out the breath he had been holding, and a genuine smile spread over his face.

Henry opened the door to his place and stepped aside, letting you enter and look around as he shut the door, resting all the bags from the hotel room on the shiny white tiles that covered the floor.

“This is your place?”

“It’s home for the next few months” he shut the door and wrapped his arm around you; “I gave up on having a permanent place about five years ago. I would always come back to a dust filled nightmare and a fridge that was a biohazard. I keep a PO box for any mail and a storage unit for my things that I don’t need when I’m away”

You looked at him;

“It sounds very… lonely…”

He paused, considering your words;

“I’ve never thought about it that way… but, you’re right” he wrapped his arms around you, his gaze intense; “I’m sorry I over-reacted earlier… about your flatmate. I was just… I don’t know, so focused I guess on this amazing thing we have now, and what we were talking about last night… how those I fall for push me away when I have to leave… I could only think ‘this guy will be around when I’m not’...”

You reached up and cupped his cheek with your hand, realising in that moment that for all the bravado and confidence, beneath that Henry was just like you, like anyone else, and feared losing those he cared for;

“I would wait… I will wait…”

You pressed a kiss to his lips, and the pair of you just held each other for the longest time, before he pulled away;

“What kind of host am I? I haven’t even offered you a cup of tea!”

Laughing you followed him into the kitchen, looking around at the sparse worktops, all the cupboards pristine white. Even the appliances were just plain brushed aluminium. As the kettle bubbled away you pushed yourself up onto the central island, sitting on the marble countertop as you watched Henry move around the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out the carton of milk, sniffing it and cringing;

“Okay, tea may be off the menu… the milk’s off”

Pausing he opened the cupboard, shoulders slumping when he saw the empty tea caddy;

“No tea either…”

Leaning back you pulled your phone from your pocket and opened google maps;

“This is Warwick Square, right?”

“Yes”

You pinched the screen and zoomed out, jumping off the counter;

“C’mon, there’s a Tesco Express just around the corner”

Walking hand in hand around Pimlico with Henry, it dawned on you that you had never visited this part of London, the sights and sounds much like most of the city, but where each little borough had its own character. Once you reached the supermarket he grabbed a basket and picked up the few things he needed, before his hand hovered over the selection of biscuits;

“Ok, make or break time to find out if we are truly compatible” his voice had an element of mischief in it as he spoke; “Milk or Dark Chocolate Digestives?”

You looked at the selection before you set your hand down on the bright blue packet;

“Trick question, we both know the true answer is Milk Chocolate Hobnobs”

He laughed as you dropped the packet into the basket, wrapping his massive arm around your shoulders and pulling you into his chest;

“I knew there was a reason I loved you” he turned to the row of refrigerators on the other side of the isle, unaware of what he’d said, and how your eyes were a little wider as you took in his admission; “Shall I make some burnt offerings for you tonight? I have somewhat limited culinary skills, but I can rustle up something with meat or fish…”

Nodding you were still a little stunned, finally finding your voice;

“Yeah, I’ll eat anything”

He cocked an eyebrow and you playfully batted at his arm;

“Oh shut up” you laughed

Dinner had been nice. An easy dish of roasted pork, Henry had thrown in some potatoes and had let them roast with alongside, and a simple salad. The one thing he did have readily stocked in his place was alcohol, and between the two of you an entire bottle of vintage Pinot Noir had been sunk over the course of dinner, and as you watched him stack the dishwasher you spread out on the massive white sofa that dominated the open plan space. You couldn’t help yourself but you popped the button of your jeans, letting out a sigh of relief.

Checking your phone you reopened your roommates’ email and read it again, before hitting reply. You knew deep down you wouldn’t be able to get a mortgage, but asked that you be kept in the loop and would start looking for another place come Monday. Having hit send you saw another email, this time from your Manager, requesting that you attend a review on Monday morning;

“Huh, so much for giving me a week off” you muttered to yourself, before looking up and seeing Henry approaching you, two full glasses of red wind in hand.

“Everything ok?”

Taking the glass you smiled;

“Yeah, work want me to go in for a review on Monday morning”

“Did they say what it was about?”

“No, but I’m guessing ‘playing heroics and injuring yourself on the job isn’t in your job description, please don’t sue us’ is probably on the agenda”

Settling next to you he rested a hand on your thigh, giving it a squeeze;

“I’m sure you’re right” he sipped at the wine before setting it on the small table at the side; “Hey I meant to ask, does your roommate have an Instagram account or Facebook page?”

“Yeah, I’ll pull it up. Its where he’s trying to do more serious photography”

He nodded and tapped at his phone for a few seconds before setting it aside, raising his glass again and clinking it against yours;

“Cheers”

By the time the last dregs of the 2nd bottle of wine were drained from your glasses you were drunk as skunks and just an amorous. You were draped over Henry’s lap, his hand was attempting to sneak under your t-shirt as you curled one hand in his hair, wrapping a deep brown strand around your finger as you kissed him lazily. When his hand finally found your breast you moaned at his touch, his lips brushing against your neck;

“I think we should take this to the bedroom”

You giggled;

“With the amount of wine we’ve had? Can you still get it up?”

He pushed his crotch up against you;

“Princess I’m already ‘up’, now I need to be in, and I don’t care which hole, I just want to feel you around my dick as we have some nasty drunk sex”

You attempted to slide off his lap and land on your feet, but what really happened was you tumbled into a heap on the soft white rug, one leg still on the sofa as the other hit the coffee table and your ass in the air;

“Help!” you cried out, giggling as Henry stood and swayed, before wrapping his arm around your waist and carrying you under his arm to the bedroom like a misbehaving poodle in Harrods.

He dropped you onto the bed and in the light from the lounge you watched as he yanked his t-shirt over his head, and started to unfasten his jeans, letting out a sigh of relief when the massive bulge in his boxers was allowed more room to grow. With a growl be bent over you and pulled your jeans down your legs, your panties following suit, before flipping you over so you were on your front. He went to reach for your ass but had forgotten his jeans were still around his thighs, and he proceeded to trip-tumble onto the bed beside you. You couldn’t help but to giggle into the soft duvet, and it earned you a single spank on your ass that make you squeal.

Rolling onto your back you looked at Henry as he huffed and puffed to take his jeans and boxers off, and you spread your legs as your hands strayed to your pussy;

“Are you doing to fuck me, or shall I just get myself started?” you said with more sass than needed, but it earned you a low groan and you could have sworn you heard seams ripping as he finally rid himself of his clothes.

“Cheeky wench!” Henry pounced on you, pulling your top over your head before fumbling with your bra, finally getting you out of it as he flung it across the room and you heard it hit something in the darkness; “I’ll show you, gonna fuck you so good you’ll have to sit on a cushion when you go into work on Monday”

He flipped you over and pulled your ass up, and you instinctively arched your back and bared yourself to him, prone and ready, begging for attention. You felt his hands smooth over your ass before dipping between your legs;

“Already so wet for me, you need me to fuck this cunt Princess? Fill you up with my cum? Or should I cum over your beautiful tits, so you can watch me as I spray my load on you, huh?”

He slid two fingers into your soaked hole, stretching you as his thumb found your clit and he rubbed harshly at it, the wine making him lose his finesse but up his pressure. When he pulled his fingers out you let out a needy whine, only to feel him press his dick against you, rutting into your crease and smearing your juices over himself.

The friction was delicious, and you found yourself pressing back and eager for more, earning a low chuckle to rumble up from Henry’s chest;

“You like that Princess? Like me rubbing my dick against your asshole?”

“Oh fuck… fuck… more…”

You felt him spit on your ass as he lowered his dick and slowly but firmly filled your pussy. As you were getting used to be filled so deep you felt his thumb press against your asshole;

“NERD!”

Suddenly Henry stopped;

“Princess?”

You turned, looking over your shoulder;

“Look Hen, I may be up for some anal play, but lube… you gotta use lube…”

You saw him look back and forth between your ass and his bedside drawers, as if trying to work out whether to forget the ass play and just fuck your pussy, or to give up your pussy for just a few seconds and get the lube. In the end the lube won, and he quickly slid out of you, leaning across the bed and yanking the drawer open, before pulling out a small bottle of Durex Lube. You saw it and grinned;

“Ooh nice one. Make sure there’s enough for a tit-wank in the morning”

Henry paused and looked at you, and you could almost see his brain short circuiting at what you’d said as it fought through the wine haze;

“Fuck, if I didn’t want to fuck you doggy style quite so much I’d say let’s do that now…”

He settled behind you and rammed his dick straight back into you, making you squeal as he filled you. You heard the quiet squeeze of the pump on the bottle before the cool gel fell on the crease of your ass and his fingers started to massage against your back door. He ran his finger around and around your brown rose, and you could feel yourself relaxing and trying to push back to get him to go further, making you whine;

“Please Hen… do something…”

He ran his thumb over your asshole and rested it on it before finally pushing in, holding the digit inside just up to the first knuckle, and that’s when he started to move in your pussy.

“So. Fucking. Good. My dirty little Princess…”

You whined for more, for him to go harder, deeper, and he did so with glee;

“You want more? Fuck yes, take my dick, can feel your insides parting for me, you like my thumb in your ass? Like being double stuffed?”

“Fuck…” your head was swimming, your chest resting against the bed as you snuck your hand between your legs and started to strum at your clit, urging your orgasm on as Henry turned into a feral beast behind you, fucking you raw and dirty, you pushing back for each thrust to feel him deeper and split you wider.

Your orgasm happened without warning, screaming out his name as you came so hard he was sure if he hadn’t pulled his thumb out your muscles would have broken the bones in it. Your knees gave way and you slumped down onto the bed, Henry still deep inside you, fucking you as you lay spent on the bed;

“So close… almost there…

“Cum on my ass Hen…” you muttered as he railed into you, and you heard a groan as he pulled out of you, seconds later the splash of his hot seed landing on your naked ass, back and thighs.

For a moment everything went quiet before you felt him wiping his cum from you, and he moved you in the bed until you were curled up in his arms, the little spoon to his big;

“You’re fucking amazing Princess, I fucking love you so much” he slurred, before the two of you feel asleep in drunken stupors.

Chapter 9 >>>

#henry cavill #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill smut #henry cavill x you #henry cavill au

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tobesobri · 4 years

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𝒯his chapter has one of the most important scenes to me at the very end of it. It’s not very elaborate, and may not seem like much to most of you, but I felt like I was truly pouring myself into this story at that point and it was really sort of like therapeutic to write and then chapter five was even more so. But, anyways, thank you so much if you choose to read and an extra special thank you if you’ve messaged me sharing your thoughts, I truly appreciate it ❤️

huge massive thank you to the incredible @youresogolden-h for editing ❤️

CHAPTER FOUR: EARLY MORNING LIGHT (4.8K)

Harry and Y/N are friends…. with benefits, but not the kinds you’re thinking of.

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Even before he was fully conscious, he knew she was still there. And not entirely because he could feel her arm wrapped firmly around his chest or her leg overlapping his, but because he didn’t feel that same burning pain in his chest he had the previous morning when he woke and she was gone.

He would have stayed like that for as long as he could too, if his bladder didn’t have anything to do with it.

Instead of leaving her in his empty bed, as he squeezed himself away from her, he replaced his body with one of his larger pillows. She stirred beside him, letting out the cutest little irritated groan that made him instantly fall in love with her. Once she seemed to go back to sleep, however, he made calculated movements until he was safely out of bed.

His brain was a little less foggy by the time he stepped foot onto the cold tile in the bathroom. Eyes still stinging from exhaustion, however, he dragged his body to the toilet. He could still taste the bitterness of alcohol on the back of his tongue and he seemingly peed long enough to get it all out of his system.

When he reached the sink to wash his hands is when he paused. He’d been on autopilot the entire time, barely opening his eyes when it wasn’t necessary to do so. But, when he spotted her things laid out neatly on the vanity counter around the sink he didn’t use, it woke him right up.

His eyes wandered from her Colgate toothbrush to her bottle of Neutrogena face wash and make-up remover wipes while he washed his hands. And, as much as he tried to fight it after he dried himself off on one of his towels, he just couldn’t be stopped from picking up her small, travel-sized perfume bottle. Immediately upon undoing the cap and bringing the atomizer up to his nose, he was sent right back to last night. To all the times he’d been at all close enough to her to smell this exact scent on her skin. And while it was much more potent coming straight from the bottle, he liked it better on her.

Shaking his head clear and deciding he was being intrusive, he closed the cap of the little pink bottle and set it back down where he found it. He had to admit, he liked seeing her things on his counter the way they currently were. Like they belonged there. He couldn’t quite put his finger on why he liked it so much, but he just knew it gave him a warm, home-like fuzzy feeling. He couldn’t shake it off, even when he’d ventured back into his bedroom and found her in the same position he’d left her in.

Walking over to his bedside table, he checked the time on his phone and realized it was a lot later than he had originally thought. Not that eight o’clock was late, but he assumed it had been earlier with how fatigued he felt. He blamed it on the alcohol.

And then he was tasked with the horrible decision to wake Y/N or to let her sleep. But, he desperately needed coffee, didn’t currently own anything besides the Keurig to make it himself, and didn’t want to leave her to wake up alone in his big empty house.

So after a quick moment of watching her sleep and trying to find any justification not to disrupt her, he came up short and reached over to gently touch her shoulder until her eyes blinked open and up to him.

The brief confusion was very much apparent and seeing her like that made him completely forget why he was waking her up in the first place. There was a soft tug between her brows like she was ready to yell at him for disturbing her and her lips pouted as if begging him to just leave her the fuck alone. But, once she came to her senses, her features softened and he came to his own senses as well.

“I’m, uh, going to pick up some coffee, do you want anything?” He spoke softly, knowing just how irritated he’d be if someone was yelling in his face first thing in the morning. Not to mention, there was a pretty good chance she, too, had a massive migraine comparable to his own, and he had no intentions of making it worse for either of them.

She simply shook her head and rested it back down onto the pillow he’d shoved into her arms earlier as if she didn’t even need him at all to cuddle up to. With a slight giggle, the second she closed her eyes to go back to sleep, he backed away from her and went about his business getting ready to go outside.

And if you’re Harry Styles, you can’t go out in a shirt with unintentional holes in it and matching ones in your baggy grey sweatpants. He wasn’t sure why he still wore them, given his massive closet and ability to purchase new sleepwear, but they made him the most comfortable and felt familiar after long days; so he held onto them. And Y/N didn’t even seem to care, so neither did he.

But going out in them was a different story, so instead of becoming a news headline for bad fashion choices, he got himself together in his closet. He was too focused on his usual routine to realize Y/N was still right behind him as he slipped out of his sleep clothes and put clean ones on. And when he did remember she was there, after already tugging on some light washed blue jeans and with a white tee shirt in hand to throw on top, he twisted his head around to her. She hadn’t even moved an inch and he wasn’t sure if he cared that she saw him in his boxer-briefs. It’s not like she couldn’t search for him in his underwear on Google Images if she really wanted to.

He wasn’t sure if anyone would even notice him while he was out, but in case they did, he needed to be prepared. So, once he was dressed, he was back in the bathroom to brush his teeth and make himself smell a lot better than he currently did. He left Y/N’s stuff alone this time even though he was still completely obsessed with it sitting on his counter, and found himself daydreaming about the day she just left things over at his house full time.

Hell, he’d let her leave whatever she wanted right then and there if she needed to. He had the room and he liked the little reminders of someone besides himself being in his space.

Right when he was about to leave his room, securing his watch on his wrist as he headed toward the door, he heard her mumble from the bed, which made him stop.

“I didn’t know you had so many tattoos.”

He knew she was smirking at him before he even turned to look at her just because of the familiar tone of her voice whenever she teased him about something. He never would have considered anything about her voice familiar at all just a few weeks ago, so he didn’t really care that she had clearly seen him putting his clothes on.

“I didn’t know you were a perv.” He shot back.

She smiled and squished her face into his pillow to hide it and he fell a little bit more in love.

He really needed that coffee.

“Can you get me a hot chocolate… I’ll pay you back.” She shut her eyes again and he was too lost in how much she resembled the cutest little puppy to even say a word about her not needing to pay him back the four dollars that, quite literally, wouldn’t even make the tiniest of dents in his bank account.

“Do you want whipped cream?”

“No,” she scrunched up her face in disgust and he tried his hardest to stop the massive smile from spreading across his face, but he just loved finding out new things about her way too much. That, and the fact that if he was bringing her something, it was sort of like insurance that she wouldn’t leave while he was out.

She didn’t take off like he’d feared, but she was already out of bed and put together by the time Harry got back. When he walked through the front door, he half expected her to be sitting in his living room, waiting to get her hot chocolate, pay him the $4.50, and then leave. But, to his surprise, that wasn’t the case.

She had set her packed bag on the end of his bed and pulled one of his small armchairs out from the corner of the room to the center of it so she could sit and stare at the entire view head on. This time, though, it was an early morning view where people were going to work rather than coming home from it.

By some miracle she’d figured out how to open the curtains, it had just taken her fifteen minutes to do so. And then once she found the right button, on the right remote control sitting on Harry’s nightstand, she played around with opening and closing them because it was just too fascinating and she was just a little bit easily entertained.

But once the newness of it wore off, she left them open and switched between checking her phone and just staring out the window, like she had been put under some kind of mesmerizing spell.

Harry found her in that exact position, sitting in one of his mis-matched floral printed armchairs, staring out over Los Angeles like she owned it. Like she was sitting on her throne as the queen of the city. It endeared him to no end because it was just little things like that and like not wanting whipped cream on her hot chocolate and organizing her things on his counter as neatly as possible that said the most about her. He started to wonder if she’d always been like that and he just never took the time to fully pay attention.

Walking up to her, he handed over her drink that had been warming his cold hands because it was that time of year in southern California where it was freezing in the mornings, but boiling by afternoon.

She took it from him, her eyes following the path up his arm to his shoulder and then finally to his face just to find him staring out the windows like she had been. But once he felt her staring, he glanced down at her just in time to find her trying to shove a five dollar bill into his hand.

He immediately pulled away. “It’s fine, you don’t need to pay me back.”

“But I feel bad.”

He rolled his eyes, not sure if she would hate him for coming right out with the fact that he had millions of dollars and that her five didn’t make a single difference. He knew he would hate himself more if he took money from her.

Sighing, he sat down on the end of the bed beside her chair, blowing on his own hot cup of Starbucks before taking a sip and realizing it still hadn't cooled down enough. The caffeine, however, was well worth the first degree burns.

“I think maybe we should talk… ‘bout all of this.” He changed the subject, watching as she forgot about the five dollars, tucked it back into her pocket and avoided looking at him again.

Because she had no clue what he wanted to talk about. Was he going to put an end to it? Did she go too far last night? Should she have not said anything about seeing him changing his clothes? Did she snore or talk in her sleep and he had enough of it?

She hid her worries around her cardboard cup, holding onto it tightly with both hands and trying not to let him see the disappointment in her face.

“I mean, um,” he sat forward a little, realizing what he said had a bit of a sour connotation and the cold shoulder she was giving him was well-deserved. “Like, is this going to be a thing every night? And if it is, you can leave some stuff here if you want. Unless you’d rather sleep at your place, but I don’t think Will is that stupid…”

His rambling quickly turned her spirits around because he wasn’t actually telling her to piss off. He hadn’t come to the conclusion that she was using him like she feared. As much as he’d made it clear everything was mutual, she still couldn’t help but think she needed him more than he needed her.

She was positive he could get anyone else he wanted to cuddle up to at night, so she had no clue why Harry was going along with their arrangement. And after learning about his past relationships she couldn’t help but wonder if she was doing the same thing to him.

“Do, um, you want it to be a thing every night?” She wasn’t entirely sure where the courage to ask him that had come from, but she regretted it when he took a couple seconds too long to answer.

Eventually he did, though, after a moment of looking out the windows just to find a way to tell her that didn’t sound weird. He already knew the answer to the question, he just wasn’t sure if she felt the same way at all. But in the end, he swallowed his anxieties and owned up to how he really felt.

“Yes.”

Saturday afternoon was spent doing nothing but thinking of when she’d see Harry again. The plans for the night were already set when she’d come home to find Will on FaceTime with Harry, discussing him coming over to work on the album again. As per her eavesdropping, while she pretended to be busy cooking herself a late breakfast, she learned his second album was still in very early stages. He had no concept for it yet, only half a song was written and he hadn’t even booked studio time because he didn’t want to go in with nothing, just to waste everyone’s time.

It was, to say the least, strange to see the dissonance between how Harry had been with her and how he was on the phone with Will where they only discussed work matters. She couldn’t even remember when he’d last brought his album up to her, or if he ever had. So it made her wonder if he ever talked to Will about the things he’d said to her. Did he tell Will how lonely he was because he couldn’t trust anyone anymore? Or how long it had been since he’d last been close to someone?

Or were those details he only told her?

Once she had her food on her plate, ready to disappear into her bedroom, Will walked into the kitchen with Harry in his hand and it made her tense up in a way she never had around Harry. Maybe it was the fact that she knew what she looked like on camera and she hated it, and hated the idea of Harry seeing her like that. Or maybe it was because she and Harry had this secret that Will knew absolutely nothing about and she almost couldn’t find it in herself to interact with Harry in any way she used to a couple weeks prior. She knew way too much about him now and pretending otherwise in front of Will would nearly break her heart.

“Is it alright if he comes over?” Will asked, and she glanced down to the screen of his phone, finding Harry in a grey hoodie and his hair in a bit of a floofy mess. It was how he looked when he woke up in the morning, so with that and with his completely blank stare, it comforted her because his face was an exact parallel to her current inner struggle. Trying to remember how little they used to talk, because it felt like years ago now, and act accordingly as to not set off any alarms for Will.

After a moment, she shrugged and looked to Will again, grabbing her plate and moving herself out of view, leaving him with that simple gesture as her only answer. He was used to her ways of communication, though, and didn’t expect anything less.

As she headed towards the hallway, she heard Will giggle before speaking to Harry again. “I think that means she’s fine with it.”

Harry and Will sat across from each other at the dining table when Y/N made her first retreat from her bedroom, having spent the entire time since Harry had arrived hiding and trying to come up with any excuse to see him.

But, when she did make an appearance, Harry was already lost to the stress of song-making that he barely even noticed her. He and Will had been going back and forth on a song for the past hour, a migraine settling itself in both of their frontal lobes by that point. Harry hated everything he was coming up with and didn’t like anything Will had to offer either.

He’d never experienced a writer’s block this shitty, but he was already over it. He even went to a whole other country to try and combat it, but that didn’t seem to do the trick either.

They’d made little progress on the song Harry was currently working on by the time he finally noticed her. She shut their mug cabinet a little too hard and both him and Will turned their heads toward the noise. Harry, however, stared a little longer, as he watched her make her hot chocolate, letting it take him back to this morning when he didn’t feel a stitch of stress about his music. When he could’ve fallen in love with the way she looked at him from his bed and the way her things seemed to fit perfectly on his bathroom counter.

The inspiration really hit when she left, when his heart didn’t feel like it was about to burst, but rather it felt like she’d taken pieces of it into her bedroom with her.

He had no fucking idea why she had this weird hold over him. Maybe it was because they’d jumped straight into a very intimate relationship. Maybe it was because she knew more about him than most and she still seemed to like him just the same. Maybe it was because the entire time since he’d met her, he’d wanted to know everything there was to know about her, and he was slowly chipping away at all those little details. But, there was still so much more to learn and he was so incredibly and stupidly infatuated.

With little regard for everything telling him not to get carried away, he still found himself flipping to an empty page in his journal and jotting down new ideas. Ideas that had stemmed from her. About how she made him feel. About her coconut-scented hair and her insecurities and the way she always had the right thing to say even if there weren't a lot of words coming from her mouth. It all seemed to just flow out all at once.

The next time she appeared was a little more distracting than the first. Because not only had he and Will finally made some kind of breakthrough, but she was also heading to the bathroom with a robe in hand. It made his heart race, wanting time to go faster so he could curl up next to her and breathe her in as soon as possible. He wanted to feel her soft skin under his fingertips and get lost in her hair again. His thoughts made it nearly impossible for him to focus on work anymore after that.

So about twenty minutes later when she was tiptoeing back down the hall with her hair wrapped in a towel, he told Will he was too tired to continue writing. And with everything saved onto Will’s laptop, they cleaned up. Will organized everything into a neat pile and Harry put his stuff away into his backpack. While Will finished cleaning up the kitchen as well, Harry helped himself into the shared hall closet where they kept all their spare blankets and pillows. He had made his own makeshift bed on their longest couch in a matter of a few minutes, not that he’d actually be sleeping in it tonight, but Will didn’t need to know about that.

He faked it for as long as he could hold out; until the apartment was completely quiet and long after Will had disappeared for good into his own bedroom. But the entire time he waited, wide awake and flipping mindlessly through social media apps, he craved her touch like nothing he ever had before.

Though he had a really unhealthy obsession with caffeine, somehow, he wanted her more than that. More than the sweet, nostalgic taste of his mom’s oatmeal cookies and more than the best plate of paella he’d ever tried; one that had really changed the game for him when he was in Spain a few weeks ago. He’d craved that fucking pasta dish every day up until now, when there was something he wanted even more than it.

He made a mound of pillows on the couch underneath a blanket to make it seem as if he was there just in case someone woke up in the middle of the night. Then, quiet as a mouse, he tiptoed down the hall and knocked on her door just after ten-thirty. However, when she left him standing in the hallway with no response, he suddenly worried that she might’ve been asleep or that she didn’t want him in. Or maybe she just hadn’t heard him, so he knocked again.

She ceased his worries when she appeared on the other side of the door, her silhouette fitting in perfectly with the cozy surroundings of her bedroom. Her room looked lived in and he guessed that’s why he liked it so much. She wasn’t exactly a minimalist and so, no matter how many times his eyes wandered around her room the few nights he’d spent in her bed, there was always something new to look at.

Like her growing collection of stuffed farm animals or the picture frames on her bookshelf he never got a chance to fully examine.

This time he was in her room hit him worse than all the others because there was a soft glow of candles burning in the background and he could hear the faint sound of lullabies playing behind her. It took all the strength he had in him not to pull her into bed right then and there.

She stepped aside when he didn’t say a word, and they really didn’t have to say much to each other at all by this point. Not that words were overflowing from her mouth to begin with, but it was nice to just be at a point where they could silently accept each other.

Where he could step into her bedroom and not feel like an intruder as he sat on the edge of her mattress.

“Were you asleep already?” He finally asked, softly so as to not wake anyone through their paper thin walls, once she shut and locked her bedroom door.

“You think I sleep with candles burning?” She said matter-of-factly, and he was unsure of her tone but when he saw the slight hint of a smile on her face, he relaxed again. Her sarcasm was another thing he had to get used to.

He watched her as she put the flames out, the last little bits of light in her room sizzling into complete darkness until his eyes fully adjusted to the new light. Most of her movements were masked by the music coming from a speaker he couldn’t quite locate. It wasn’t very loud, nor was it anything he’d ever heard before, but it calmed every single nerve in his entire body enough to crawl under her blanket and make himself at home.

She joined him soon after, falling right into place beside him except this time, they faced each other. She kept a safe distance, too worried about her breath smelling to get any closer to him than she already was.

“You should set an alarm. So you’re back on the couch before anyone wakes up.” He figured she was right; it was the logical thing to do, but he also knew he would hate waking up in the morning and having to leave her. Still, he pulled his phone out and set it for five a.m. No one would be awake before that on a Sunday morning. Once he was done, he twisted around to put his phone on the side table closest to him before settling back into her.

It was quiet between them for a moment as they just stared at each other because neither of them knew how to make the first move. She didn’t want to be as forward as she had been, and he didn’t want to do anything to hurt her. Even if they’d done this a few times already, it would still take time getting used to it. They weren’t dating, they were hardly even friends. Being this intimate with each other didn’t happen without some degree of doubt.

She took a deep breath out of her nose, as if she was giving in first and carefully sought out his hand underneath the blanket. Once she found it and had his hand in her own, she scooted closer to him and wrapped his arm around herself like a blanket. He giggled lightly at her before he repositioned his arm a little bit, to get comfortable and to accommodate her own arm wrapping around him. He felt her tense up like she hadn’t ever done before and he worried that she was uncomfortable or that he was holding on too tight.

“S’this okay?” He questioned, easing up a little bit.

Her eyes were squeezed shut as she nodded, “Yes.”

He didn’t quite believe her, not with the way she seemed almost in pain, and how she had yet to melt into him like she normally did. Still, she reached up slowly and carefully wrapped her arm around his neck instead, bringing herself even closer to him.

It was almost like she was forcing her body to let it trust him. To let go of her past and be there in the present with Harry. It was an all new position they’d never slept in before. It was closer and she had to be more open; more willing to let him hug her and to feel his much harder chest moving against hers. To let him fall asleep in the crook of her neck if he wanted to. There was just so much more that she wanted to trust him with and eventually she did. Eventually he felt her muscles relax and her breath became less erratic.

“I don’t really let anyone touch me.” She confessed into the darkness around them to his unspoken question. With both their eyes closed and in safer territory, it didn’t bother her to tell him, and she really couldn’t deny there was something about Harry that made her want to reveal all her secrets to him. Maybe it was that he seemed to genuinely care about them that got her to spit out things she’d never peeped to a single soul on earth before.

He was quiet for a moment even though inside his head it was a mess. Why didn’t she let anyone touch her? Had someone hurt her so badly she didn’t let herself experience closeness anymore? Or was she just like that? Just didn’t enjoy it very much? So many possibilities raced through his mind until he finally rubbed his hand over her back softly and took a deep breath in of her familiar perfume, the clean scents on her skin and in her damp hair.

“Let me know if it’s too much, okay?”

She nodded against him and instead of pulling away like he expected her to, she cuddled even closer to him, finding a spot against his collarbone that comforted her more than she could have ever imagined it to. And then she was falling, both asleep and maybe something else too, but it all felt the same.

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#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles writing #harry styles imagine #onlyhuman

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writingchalamet · 4 years

Text

We’ll Be Alright

Timothée Imagine based on the Fine Line by Harry Styles. A couple at college struggling through their beautiful but hard relationship together, within the walls of the small apartment they share.

A/N: There’s a lot of angst, some smut and swearing so if you’re not into it then please don’t read. There’s also a bit of tom Holland thrown in there as a bestfriend / potential lover read to find out...

“Put a price on emotion, I’m looking for something to buy”

The dimly lit apartment had already set the ambience for what felt like their hundredth argument that day. The only light coming from the amber fairy lights that hung in between books on the shelf above the bed, and from the lamp post that stood tall outside the window. The dull colour in the room only adding to that same dragging energy they had both felt all day. She looked at him, with her heavy eyelids and subtle tears cascading down her cheeks. Not enough for him to notice in this light and at the distance they stood away from each other.

The solemn expression that dawned his face hadn’t left since they got out of bed this morning. He was beginning to wonder if it was all worth it. If the constant feeling of numbness and anger towards each other was all they were ever going to feel. It didn’t always feel like this. There were times when they were happy. When that little apartment was filled with joy, music, dancing, laughter, love. Emotion. So many emotions had flown in and out of that apartment in the three years they had lived there together. Had they used it all up.

“Are you gonna say something Timothée?” you practically whispered from your cracked dry lips. Hardly looking in his direction at all, you couldn’t even remember what you were quarrelling over anymore.

“What’ s left to be said. I’m so sick of feeling like this y/n! I just want to feel something real with you. What fucking happened to us huh! We used to be so good and now I just feel like we’re on autopilot and we’re gonna crash and I don’t want that- I really don’t fucking want that-” He breathed the words out beginning to sob striding closer to you with every word.

“-I know, I don’t want that either baby, I just don’t know what we’re supposed to do, I feel like I’ve run out love to give and I hate that because you deserve everything and so much more” you say shamefully looking at the floor, Timmy grabs your face with both his hands and draws your heads together your lips meet, a slight metallic taste from the split in your cracked lips. One on Timmy’s hands left your cheek and wrapped itself around your waist closing the only space left between you. Your own hands twiddling their way into his messy but perfectly kept curls, occasionally stroking the side of his face. Tim pulled away short of breath, looking down at your smaller frame, carefully placing his forehead against yours, closing his eyes with a hint of a smile on his face.

“Tell me you don’t love me” Timothée stated boldly, looking at you dead in the eye. Your mouth dropped ajar unsure of how to respond.

“I can’t do that, why would you say that?” you questioned clearly rattled by his words.

“Then how can you say you have nothing more to give, if you love me, we can work through anything, right, we’re a team aren’t we?” He spoke passionately like he always does. One of the many traits you loved about him.

You nodded to him reassuringly, staring into those deep green eyes, you felt everything, you felt safe, you felt home, but most of all you felt love.

“You got my devotion, but man I can hate you sometimes”

Some weeks had past since you had both reconciled that night, but already things were beginning to look rocky again. Some days were great but other days you felt like throwing books at each other and sleeping at friends houses just to stay away from each other.

This morning Timothée had woken up in an incredibly foul mood, something you just didn’t have the time for. Strolling into the kitchen you noticed the dishes still in the sink from the night before, which had been Timmy’s turn to do the cleaning up. You decide against saying anything to save yourself the aggravation of another petty argument.

Lifting your foot up onto the small oak two person dining table to tie your shoelace, Timmy saunters into the kitchen with a towel hanging around his waist, droplets of water falling from his hair and down his chest. He looked beautiful until he opened his mouth. “Get your fucking foot off the table we have to eat off there” with a pissed off expression he trudged towards you leaving wet feet marks on the stone floor, and knocks your leg down, you lose your balance slightly but gain it back by grabbing hold of the table.

“what the fuck, T, first, they’re new so they’re clean and second, what is your problem?” Looking back at him with wide eyes shaking your head, adjusting the waistband of your sweatpants that had slightly ridden up. You look at him desperately searching for an answer but nothing, his face stuck with the same hard glaring expressing he’s been wearing all morning.

“Whatever, I’ve gotta get to school”, putting a slice of toast in your mouth and pulling your Columbia University lanyard over your neck you head towards the door.

“Why aren’t you coming on the bus with me?” You suddenly hear murmured behind you, you turn to look at him, his gaze has softened slightly, shoulders slumped. You look back at the dishes and the puddle beginning to form under his feet where he stand and begin to become more irritated at the fact he had the audacity to shout at you this morning for something so minor.

“I don’ t feel like being suffocated by your shitty energy this morning, so I’d rather walk” and with that you left the confinements of your apartment and hit the streets of New York.

You weren’t that far away from the campus probably about a 30 minute walk, but you were often too tired to walk and had too many books to carry, plus the bus stop is literally right outside your apartment building so why wouldn’t you. You texted your friend Tom who lived close by on the off chance he might walk in with you so didn’t feel as lonely. New York was great place to live, you’d always wanted to move to NY but as soon as you moved there you realised how lonely you were. Over 19 million people in one city and you’d never felt lonelier. Then you met Timothée, a fellow New Yorker, lived there his whole life, you were thankful you’d met him, he showed you around. All the best places to eat, drink, hang out with friends and then your relationship just blossomed. You wish you could just get back to how it was then. When things were easy. When he didn’t have to nit-pick at every single thing you do. You loved him so much, but hated him at the same time and it wasn’t healthy.

Your phone dinged and sure enough Tom was ready and waiting by his door just a few houses down from where you were now. You greeted him with a large Cheshire like grin and embraced him in a hug. “Hi” you both breathed out into the hug. “How are you” pulling away his British charm radiating off of him.

“I’m okay, thanks, a bit tired, Timmy woke up on the wrong side of the bed so I’m still a bit frazzled” he looked at sympathetically placing a hand on your back for comfort.

“Breakfast?” He then changed the subject quickly smiling at you his eyes almost resembling a puppies with their pleading manner.

“Of course, lead the way” you smile back laughing your response, your mood changing completely. He offers you his arm to link with his which you graciously take placing your head on his shoulder for just a second, thanking him for his kind gesture, lifting your spirits. It put a thought into your head, you remembered when Timothée used to be like this, and now he hardly even wants to hold your hand when you walk down the street. Or be near you on the couch at home, you were so devoted to him, but it felt non reciprocated at this point.

Timmy had thrown on some clothes quickly, leaving his hair wet, he chased after her out of the apartment. Following the usual route he caught up to her relatively swiftly. He had noticed her stopping to get her phone out, maybe she was going to call him. He didn’t want to seem like he was following her. He stared at her for a while a few paces behind. He took notice of the way she would look around at all the houses, staring longest at the ones she seemed to take a fancy to. How she would touch every lamppost she past, or pet every dog. She was a very caring person.

He felt bad for snapping at her this morning, he just couldn’t help it, the words came out before he had time to control what was happening. Tim realised it had been a while since she had got her phone out and there still hadn’t been a ‘ding’ on his own. He then realised the familiar house she was pottering towards. Tom’s. He hated Tom, well he didn’t hate Tom, he just envied the relationship he had with His girlfriend. Tom had asked Y/n out before Timmy did but she turned him down and went with Timmy instead. They however decided to stay friends, close friends, which Timmy hated. He watched in a frozen state as Y/n embraced Tom for what felt like the longest time. Then as they smiled at one another with a glimmer in their eyes. Tim felt deflated and broken. He knew that he was slowly pushing them closer together and the more he acted out he would eventually have to watch Tom replace him, and he hated it.

“I don’t want to fight you”

You wandered the halls of the university aimlessly, anything to keep you from going back home. As awful as it sounded, you’d rather stay the night in a 24 hour café working on your essays than fighting with him. However you soon happened upon your favourite room in the building, the library. You stepped in and smiled, striding towards your favourite corner of the overly large room. ‘Feminist Literature’ all the greats stood tall and proudly in their corner, you glanced upon the likes of Plath, Atwood and the Bronte sisters. Deciding on your next read, before noticing you had been joined by someone.

He focused on you in awe, watching the amazement and excitement light up in your eyes. Stretching yourself to reach a book on the top shelf, Timmy’s breathe hitched in his throat as your top rose, exposing the soft skin usually hidden from the world, the lace from your bralette peaking out revealing the slightest amount of under boob. He took two strong steps towards you and delicately placed his arms around you.

You jumped at the sudden contact, but soon realised it was him, recognising his very noticeable scent and mop of curls. You managed to turn slightly so your bodies would fit better together, and draped your arms around his neck and take in an inhale of his homely smell. “I miss you” you mumble, tucking your head into his neck leaving a kiss at the base of his neck.

“I miss you too, baby. I’m sorry for being an ass” He sighs into the hug pulling you closer, his hands laying flat on your sides, almost covering the whole of your ribcage, his hands travel underneath your crop top, one arm stretching to your opposite shoulder blade the other hugging tightly around your waist, as if he never wanted to let go.

“I don’t want to fight with you, anymore, I’m so tired of us going in circles and making each other feel like shit” You express pulling back slightly just to look him in the eye, making sure to keep your tones hushed to not disturb the other readers.

“Neither do I, shall we go home, and we can order takeout and snuggle on the couch and watch some movies?” He looks at you with a glint of hope in his eyes, a look you haven’t seen in weeks. He tilts his head to the side the first signs of a smile adorning his face, which appeared to ignite a little flicker between the two of you once again.

“sounds amazing” you lean in and touch your lips softly against his at first only to deepen it a few moments later. You hadn’t really touched each other in a few weeks, tension building rather fast. You slid your tongue half way into his mouth, gliding it along his, knowing how much he loves it. Granted you received a soft moan in return, his hands moving around your back to rest on your hips. He pushed you lightly into the cabinet causing a few books to knock off the shelves. You gasp eyes widening, and begin to laugh as a couple of books hit you both on the head. You pull away short of breath and excited. You bite your lip and look at each other and giggle again.

The moment is cut short by an ill tempered librarian storming down the isle. “What is going on here! Tidy this up, and get out. Quietly!” She gives the two of you a stern look before trudging away. You both look at each other and burst out laughing before tidying the books away and running off the campus hand in hand. It was the most fun you’d had with each other in a long while. And the most you’ve laughed in weeks. For once things felt good.

“We’ll get the drinks in, So I’ll to thinking of her”

It was Winter break, and you and Timmy had decided to throw a little gathering at your humble apartment. Only twenty or so people had been invited so it wouldn’t be a huge event, but still the thought of lots of people in your home stressed you out. You had spent the majority of the morning hiding vases and anything fragile in cupboards and putting up your modest Christmas decorations.

Timothée plodded around the apartment with his sweatpants hanging low on his hips, and a graphic t-shirt of some kind, you looked over at him and wondered how he always looked so effortlessly good. He placed red solo cups on the countertops next to the bottles of drink and mixers, and gathered snacks, putting them in different bowls.

“T! Can you help me put the topper on the tree?” you call out, standing on your tipping toes you were still just out of reach of those top branches. Not a second later Timmy was at your side launching you in the air and onto his shoulders, you screamed, and grabbed onto his head for support your legs tangling themselves around his neck. “I meant you do it you psycho!” you squawked at him from above, occasionally wobbling attempting to stay balanced.

“No, I always put it up, It’ s your turn” he laughs back, and steps a bit closer to the tree. You lift the angel up and carefully place her on the top branch twisting it a couple of times, ensuring it wouldn’t fall off.

Timmy then proceeds towards the couch and leans forwards letting you step down. You look downwards at him and smile, pulling him by his shoulders towards you again, his head landing in between your breasts his hands find your bum. You sigh jokingly as he gives it a little grope and a smack “Timmy” you warn, he laughs into you and raises his hands... Slightly. “I love you so fuckin much you know that” he breathes out with ease looking up at his adoring girlfriend. You smile and lean down, placing a simple kiss on his lips. You tease him as you pull away, licking him lips. He groans and rocks his head back looking back at you in frustration.

You step down off the couch and saunter towards the bedroom, to which he gives you hopeful stare. “I’m going to get ready, I’ll see you in a bit babe” you uttered with a teasing smile on your face and shut the door. All you could hear was a loud “Fuck!” from the other room.

~ Later that evening ~

With the party in full swing and many drinks later, you thank yourself for deciding to host, all the stress was completely worth it, after many compliments on your ‘beautiful home’ and ‘oh my god I love your decorations’ and ‘your tree is perfect’ you felt so relived. Timmy was hanging with his friends dancing like idiots, and you, well were trashed. After far too many rosé wines and pink gins you should have been put to bed an hour ago, but here you are, life and soul of the party.

You were taking with your friends Daya and Maggie on the sofa about absolutely nothing when Tom walked past. “Tom! Tom, help me up!” you hollered at him, he laughed and quickly came to your aid, you sent a quick wave the girls’ way as Tom pulled you off the couch. “What’s up?” he queried once he’d got you standing.

“I don’t know I just wanted to see you.” you giggle placing an arm on his shoulder and leaning your head into him. “oh god I think I’m gonna throw up” a sudden feeling of dizziness had overcome you, darting to the bathroom, dragging Tom along behind you.

Timothée noticed and a jealous rage washed over him. Why was his girlfriend who only hours before had been teasing him, hauling another man into the bathroom with her. Timmy couldn’t help the worried look that spread across his face as he saw Tom closing the door behind him. “-and then Finch kicked me out of the seminar” his group of friends erupted into laughter but Timmy kept his face straight. “Timmy” his friend hollered “huh” drawing his attention back to the group. “What’s up bud?” his friend Finn asked looking at in with genuine concern in his eyes. “Uh, I just need to go check on Y/n and make sure she’s doing okay, I’ll see you guys in a bit” he gives Finn a one armed hug and pats him on the back before he strides towards the bathroom. He didn’t like the sound of what was going on behind that door, but he couldn’t bring himself to open it. Leaning there in the hallway with his head pressed against the oak wood door, he heard something he wished he never heard. “Because I love you Y/n, and if you’re too stupid to still pick him over me then I don’t know what I’m still doing here.”

As you slid your bare feet along the stone floors practically carrying Tom on top of you to the bathroom you could feel the vomit moving up your chest. As soon as you reached the bathroom you hit the grey marbled floor and lurched your way to the toilet and let everything out. You heard Tom closing the door behind you, moving towards you to comfort you, he pulled your hair back, away from your face and stroked your back. You tiresomely reached up and flushed the toilet, using some toilet paper to wide your mouth. Tom helps you off pulling both your arms up and holding you still while you wobble a little bit. “Better?” Tom laughs lightly trying to lighten the mood in the brightly lit room.

“yes, thanks but I need to brush my teeth” you uttered stumbling a little, the alcohol having obvious affect on you. You pushed yourself up onto the counter next to the sink, while Tom prepared your toothbrush for you. The t-shirt dress you were wearing had ridden up exposing the tops of your legs, and you being in your inebriated state sat with your legs slightly open and comfortable, your underwear showing. Tom had noticed but tried hard not to look. He gave you your toothbrush and watched you brush your teeth in a child like manner, after spitting he gave you a glass of water for you to gargle and watched you carefully spit your toothe-pastey water to the side and into the sink with expertise.

You sigh feeling a sense of relief. and Pull Tom into you for a hug, he sits comfortably in between your legs and his arms wrap around your mid-drift. “thank you” You whispered with your eyes closed. You lean your head back pulling away from the hug but Tom, gives you a strange look, one you’ve never noticed on him before. He’s looking at you the same way Timmy looks at you. Right before you can say or do anything, one of his hands slips behind your neck and the other holds the top of your leg, and he pulls you into a kiss. His lips meet yours only for a few moments, moving rapidly encouraging you to kiss him back, but he soon stops when you push him away.

“What the fuck, why would you do that?” Jumping down off the counter putting some space between the two of you. “Because I love you Y/n, and if you’re too stupid to still pick him over me then I don’t know what I’m still doing here.” You stood there shocked not quite able to read the expression that lie on his face. “I don’t understand what’s going on Tom” You immediately felt very sober, searching his eyes for something, anything as to why he would try and ruin your relationship like that.

“He’s such a loser Y/n, and he doesn’t care for you half as much as I do, name me a time I’ve ever made you cry or pushed you around, or made you want to run away from me, huh” Tom questions stepping towards you and grabbing your shoulders speaking intensely. You slapped his hands away from you and backed yourself towards the door. All the things Tom said only angered and confused you.

“Just shut up Tom” You snapped “He might not be perfect but neither am I, do you think I make it easy for him, no I can be bitch I bite back, how dare you disrespect me like that. I love Timothée with every fibre of my being, I’m sorry if that makes you upset but that’s just how I feel. I thought I made it clear when I said no the first time, I’m sorry Tom, I really am” you emoted you felt heartbroken, like a piece of you had left, Tom had been one of your closest friends for years and now it felt as if your entire relationship had imploded.

“I just don’t get it you flirt with me-” “Flirt with you, what are you talking about” you interjected his lude conspiracy “You’re always running to me whenever he does something wrong, you’re always hugging me and snuggling up to me whenever he does something wrong but you throw me to the side as soon as he apologises, it’s fucking ridiculous Y/n” you stand there baffled shaking your head “I hug you all the time because you’re my best friend Tom, like I hug Daya or Mags, you comfort me I can’t help if I just seem overly friendly to you but that's just the way I am” Tom looked at you with a pleading look in eyes. “Tom I think you need to leave” “Y/n please don’t do this, I love-” “Tom! Just go please, before you ruin any chance of us being friends again.”

Tom steps past you and grabs a hold of the door handle. He jerks the door towards him to find a very deflated Timothée standing outside the door. Toms eyes widen at the sight of his best friends boyfriend, who had clearly heard him confess his love to, and opened his mouth to apologise.

“Save it, she told you to leave so get out.” Timmy spoke sharply, his face only inches away from Tom. You had never seen him this angry before, you were slightly scared to know what exactly he had heard. Tom scoffed and pushed his way past Timmy shaking his head. With everything that had gone on the past ten minutes you had completely forgotten that there was a party going on. The sudden blare of the music had hit you all too suddenly. You looked up at Timmy as he stepped into the bathroom and you prepared yourself for your second round of heartbreak of the evening.

Only to find his arms wrap around you in an instant. You reciprocated the affection and drew he closer to you “I love you” he whimpered into your hair peppering kisses onto your head. “I love you Timothée, how much of that did you hear” you say your words muffled by the closeness of his body. “Enough.” he sighed. “I’d choose you every time Timothée I want you to know that, even when we fight and I go and vent to Tom, you’re all that's on my mind, constantly, I love you” You pull back raising you hands to hold both sides of his face and caress his cheeks. He leans into your touch lips curling into a smile. “ I Love you. c’mon, enough commotion lets go enjoy our night.” Pressing a kiss onto your lips and pulling you towards the door. You smile with a sigh of relief and head back out to join the party.

“You sunshine, you temptress, my hands at risk, I fold”

The Christmas lights twinkled in the apartment. You had the thermostat turned right up at the sight of snow glistening outside your second floor window. Snuggled in blankets you persisted on writing the essay you had been assigned over the winter break, but you had been stuck with the same paragraph staring you in the face for the past hour and a half. Timothée had gone out to run some errands and to see his sister but of course due to the snow he ended up taking a lot longer than he planned.

You run your fingers through your hair, knotted from the amount of times you’d pulled it up into a pony tail, out of a pony tail, into a bun, let it down and pulled it around again. You sigh saving your work before slamming your laptop closed. You head towards the kitchen grabbing a bowl of cereal to tide you over until dinner later. You hear the door slam and a very soggy Timothée slumps through the door, shaking off his snow ridden coat onto the nearest radiator to dry off. He slips out of his shoes and falls down onto the couch letting out a deep breath.

He looks towards you and smiles lifting his arms gesturing you towards him. “where’s my girl” he smiles, you put the half empty bowl of cereal down and move towards him. As you reach him, his hands weave themselves around you pulling you down towards him. You straddle his hips shuddering when his icy hands reach up to hold your bare legs. “Timmy, you’re freezing!” You squeak as he nuzzles his head into your neck. He kisses your neck his hot breath a large contrast to his icy skin. “Well I guess you should warm me up then” You gasp at the brazenness of his statement but lean in pulling his head towards yours.

His lips meet you in the middle, smashing against yours passionately, in a mix of tangled limbs and soft moans you soon found yourselves heating up. Timmy glides his tongue against your bottom lip requesting access which you happily grant. Your tongues slide along side each other creating a harmonious rhythm, you both enjoy. You shift yourself closer to Timmy earning a soft moan to fall from his lips as your almost bare groin grazes over his sweatpants clad crotch. His hands slid up the bottom of your loosely fitted dress and his hands danced over your ass, grabbing and smacking playfully. “Y/n” Timmy eagerly encourages in between the animalistic kisses. “uh huh” you reply in short already knowing what the response is probably going to be. “Bedroom” he huffs, standing up bringing you to your feet. You continue to roughly make out on your journey to the bedroom, bumping into things and stomping to kiss against walls. You finally make it to the door which Timmy kicks open with his foot and pulls you inside.

You manoeuvre to the bed lit up by the fairy lights on the book shelf, and Timmy pushes your body down onto the bed throwing the show cushions down onto the floor, you give him a quick glare as he knows how much you hate that and he shakes his smiles and kiss you. Kneeling over you his hands go to the bottom of your dress which he begins to lift up, your hips rise, then you sit up watching your dress get disregarded onto the floor along with the pillows. Tim takes a short breath at the sight of you braless under your clothes with just a simple black silk underwear, he leans down and places a kiss at your navel a hand greedily reaching up to fondle your breast. You reach your hand to his face and pull him up so he’s eye level with you. “Please Timothée, I want you”

With a nod he slips out of his clothes and joins you back on the bed, lips smacking together and bodies becoming sheer with a layer of thin sweat his excitement was prominent his member poking you in the groin every now and then. His fingers trail down to your underwear, tugging at the sides of them until they are far enough the way down for you to kick off. He lies there in between your legs and just stares at you for a moment. “I love you so much” Your hand glides along his cheek, into his curls and you pull him in for a loving kiss, Your other hand reaches down and grasps his member, he gasps, head lulling back. You guide his member inside your walls breathing eradicated at the feeling. He moves his hips slowly picking up the pace as he goes along, you let out a high pitched moan as he thrusts inside you with a harder force.

Burying his face in your neck he lifts up one of your legs to sit on his shoulder deepening the position and lets out a gluttonous moan. Your head rolls backs, back arching and toes curling, gasping for air, he continues to slide in and out of you at a fast hard pace, your nails scrape up his back leaving harsh lines making him moan your name. His pelvis swirling into yours sending shivers down your spine, you can feel him everywhere, and it’s beautiful his head turns towards you and bangs your lips together once more. You moan into his mouth causing him to jerk his hips into you harder and harder only increasing your pleasure. “Fuck” you mutter quietly eyes rolling to the back of your head. “I love you” You whisper breathlessly. Timothée rolled his hips over repeatedly the friction building up to your climax which he could feel by your walls tightening and your eyes screwing shut. “Good girl” he whispers in your ear as you feel yourself fall apart beneath him. His smile soon dropped back into concentration as he picked back up his pace and in a matter of pumps was grunting back into the crook of your neck.

A lazy smile adorned his face as he pulled himself out and slumped down pulling you into his side. You turn your head to him, he looked so beautiful in this dim amber lighting the glow softly cascading over his pale features.

“I love you so much Timothée Chalemet, you are truly the best thing that ever happened to me, I’m so lucky to have met you and to know you” you whisper, your fingers tracing the soft skin of his chest. He presses a hard kiss onto the side of your head.

“I love you, and I know we’ve been through a lot shit the past few months but I think we’ll be alright. You are the kindest most beautiful person I know, I love you” adorning another kiss onto your head. He pulls the covers up over the both of you and you watch the snow fall outside the window on top of the lamppost, watching it gather in tiny formations. He whispers again gently playing with her hair “We’ll be alright”

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starstruck-thirst · 4 years

Text

She Wants Revenge

Part 4

Pariston Hill: True Romance

Series title is after the band of the same name. The chapter is named after this song by the band She Wants Revenge.

Part 1 of series is here.

Warnings: PTSD flashbacks, attempt rape of reader character, date rape drug description of reader character, non consensual sexual touching of reader character, NSFW, mental manipulation

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Phones, keyboards, clicking pens, the smell of coffee and whatever crazy dish a gourmet hunter had brought to work that day. It was all so familiar, but in the way of a distant memory. The feeling was akin to that sensation one got when a specific cinnamon, peppermint, and paper smell-cocktail hit their nose and suddenly they find themselves transported back to when they were five on a holiday morning that had almost been completely forgotten until that moment. Something so close to you and yet no longer apart of who you are now.

The association office was exactly like that.

Normally the office was kept at a temperature that most people could tolerate including you, but for your first week back you had to bring a light sweater with you every day to hide the goosebumps that were almost a permanent installment on your flesh. Your nerves were on high alert, screaming in the back of your mind that this area was DANGER. But no matter how loudly your body rebelled, you pushed past it and hit the copy button on the machine again and again.

Somehow you had been assigned as an office assistant upon applying. They hadn’t even interviewed you, merely emailed the offer. And somehow you were placed on the floor Pariston frequented. Not the floor his office was on, but the floor below where he had to make constant visits to oversee many different projects. It was this very floor where you had met him for the first time.

As you picked up the papers from the out tray the hairs on the back of your neck raised noticeably and the realization about how in the presence of the literal Phantom Troupe you hadn’t been as on edge as you were in a fucking office almost made you laugh.

But you knew why. All too well you knew why.

Pariston hadn’t made his presence known to you yet.

You had been here an entire week and never even spotted so much as a cufflink of the vice-chairman. It was unnatural.

The signs of his presence were around. You came back from getting yourself coffee and someone asked you to make copies of a form that Pariston had just signed and dropped off. Another time you could still smell his cologne in the conference room you had to set up for the next meeting. His chuckle flowed down the hallway to your ears, but by the time you arrived he was gone.

He was doing this all on purpose. Playing with you indirectly and keeping you on your toes. You hated that it was working, hated more that you had to let it be a little visible. The appearance of being both ‘healthy’ and ‘slightly broken’ at the same time was exhausting. The light sweater was a dead giveaway to the man that you were uncomfortable. And the second week you left it at home, telling coworkers that you had adjusted to the climate-controlled environment again.

To make matters worse, there was no one readily around to play with. Chrollo had left shortly after the deal was stuck and Hisoka left a day later, leaving behind half teasing promises of more playtime in the future. You weren’t stupid- anymore- and you were fully aware that you might never seen Hisoka again. But, you had been surprised before.

Sadly, this meant that when you got home, life returning to you and the lust that had built throughout the day at the hints of Pariston finally blooming into a full need, you didn’t have a way to fix it. Playing with anyone that didn’t have a guarantee of silence meant that it could get back to Pariston. And there was no way in hell you were going to jeopardize your revenge just to get off.

But you thought about it.

Sitting at a bar not far from your apartment, you thought about it. A hunter you recognized sat at a table nearby laughing loudly with two associates. He was tall and broad, unlike your recent conquests in almost every way. Perhaps that was part of the appeal. The thought of turning this loud, cocksure, strong man onto his back and making him beg you made you a little excited immediately. And even though you reminded yourself it would be a bad idea the little fantasy grew on its own as you watched him move, and soon you were so enamored that you had forgotten you were looking at him until he noticed you and winked.

You turned back to face your drink on the bar, taking in a fresh swallow of the cold liquid to calm the heat inside of you. Shifting on the stool you could feel that familiar sensation of need between your legs. A tingling, tight feeling. It was uncomfortable.

A strong arm slithered over your shoulder with careful precision. Fingertips brushing softly as the palm dug in hard enough to force the weight of a promise into your muscles. After a week and a half in the association office, this sleazy move didn't make even one bump rise on your skin. "Hey, sexy. I saw you eyeing me across the room. What are you drinking?"

You tried to lean away, but his arm over your shoulder held you still. A nice upper cut into his nose would have freed you, he didn't seem to consider you a threat so it'd be easy to do. But remembering your situation you held off. Maybe it would get back to the vice-president. And you still needed as much illusion of a soft spoken female hunter as you could get.

But it was unbearably difficult in this moment.

Visibly you swallowed and looked up at the man through your lashes. "I didn't mean to. I just… zoned out. It was a long day."

He smiled and leaned his hip into your side. Truly your lust was the cause of this punishment. "Now, now. None of that. It’s Thirsty Thursday after all!" He lifted two fingers at the bartender and pointed to the two of you. The bartender nodded and got to work on your next drink. You kept an eye on the drink in progress- unsure of this bartender’s alignment in this silent struggle- until the man leaned onto the bar and obscured your view.

Fuck.

"Haven't I seen you around before?" He asked.

"Maybe… I mean I work in the city," you muttered before drinking your original drink to completion.

"Oh really? Where?"

Leave it to a beef headed hunter to not recognize another hunter. Or he was playing stupid for some reason. “Well… where do you work?”

He laughed, “I work everywhere! I’m a hunter.” He said in that voice tone that suggested you should be impressed. Which only confirmed that he had no idea that you too were a hunter. With a practiced movement he took out his hunter ID and flashed it in front of your face, literally. He sure was a rude man. He hadn’t even noticed you dodging his question since it gave him an opportunity to show off. “See? Not everyone can get one of these,” he boasted. You memorized his ID number to look up later and see if he just got lucky that year.

All kinds passed the exam though, you supposed.

You did.

“Impressive,” you said pushing your glass away and trying to stand, “I should go. I have work tomorrow.”

“What? But your drink is here,” he pointed out as the fresh glass as it was placed on the bar, the old whisked away in a flash.

The condensation on the glass gathered in large droplets that collected onto the bar top, pooling to create an inviting highlight of water around the base. You didn’t trust this glass. While you were shopping at the same grocery store and getting coffee at the same cafe, this was a new bar. The security blanket of knowing a bartender wasn’t something you had just yet. “Really… I shouldn’t. So no thank you,” you muttered, dodging out from under his arm successfully.

But he had been prepared for this maneuver and with two quick steps he was in front of you with his glass in one hand and the one intended for you in the other. “Come on. The night is still young!” His determination was evident, and no matter how you tried to dodge him it was obvious he was going to follow you like a sick puppy. “I’m just being nice!”

Those words made you silently rage as other people in the bar looked at the two of you. He was intentionally making it seem as if you were the rude one for ignoring him. It was causing a scene, which was exactly what you hadn’t wanted.

Maybe just a sip wouldn’t hurt, depending on what was in it. Maybe you could power through it.

These of course are foolish thoughts. But as you took the drink in hand he cheered to you, and you brought the glass to his automatically. His grin seemed too wide, unnaturally so, as you brought the glass to your lips. The bright whites of his teeth made you pause as he drank and suddenly you felt like gravity had shifted. No longer was it pulling you down, as was normal, but it felt as if you were being pulled sideways.

The drink hadn’t even made it to your lips yet. What had he done? Had he spiked your first one while you were paying attention to the bartender? You had taken this muscle-head too lightly.

But even as these thoughts flashed in a blurry haze across your mind you realized more liquid was pouring into your mouth. As if on an autopilot your arm had moved and now you were drinking what could quite possibly be a second spiked drink.

Everything happened so fast, but also slowly. The man asked you something, and you felt like you understood it because you nodded and he laughed. Though your glass wasn’t empty yet he took it from you and placed it upon the bar with more care than you felt like you could have acted with in this moment.

A blink and his arm was around you, helping you to dance to the song that was too quiet to hear from the bar speakers. Hadn’t it been loud enough to mask the conversations that were only ten feet from you before?

Heavily you leaned into his chest, feet moving now that gravity had somewhat righted itself again. Everything about this felt so wrong, but you couldn’t dredge up the motivation to do anything about it.

A hand gripped the sides of your head and your gaze was lifted up and his mouth smashed against yours. The kiss was sloppy and not at all enjoyable, but your limbs didn’t feel like they belonged to you as they rested on his shoulders completely useless. Groggily you remembered the feeling of Hisoka’s hungry lips against yours and you sighed in want, which the man took as a sign of your enjoyment and kissed you again.

A blink and the sounds of the city surrounded you. The wind was moving just enough that you could feel its touch on your face as you looked around, trying to recognize where you were. But it was impossible. The lights were a blurry mess, a painting in the museum where you had seen Pariston.

Pariston.

Fingers dug into your side as you started to lift to one side and you only then realized the man was walking next to you, arm wrapped around your waist to support you and keep you moving. His face shifted to the smiling Pariston and adrenaline pounded through you. “No,” you said firmly, although a bit mushy, pushing against his side to free yourself. Unlike the bar you were using your strength now. Focusing your nen into your hands as you shoved.

For just a moment you were free and stumbled into a nearby mailbox, gripping both sides of the object for stability as you shook your head. You tried to imagine sand on a beach, running hands over it to clear away the writing and make a clean slate, but nothing changed. Your head still felt swimming and the colors of the city both too bright and too dim at the same time. It was as if you were surrounded by suns of every color, but their brilliance couldn’t penetrate the encroaching darkness. Nothing came into focus no matter how hard you tried.

A blink as your ass slid over a stone wall, exposed thighs scraping painfully against the amalgamation of minerals. The man’s nails bit into your legs as he pressed himself against you. “static you’re so static just listen static Don’t worry. I’ll treat you right. static” Listening to him talk was like trying to tune into a radio station you were too far away from. But the meaning of the words was clear. Behave, or I’ll hurt you.

“No!” you screamed it this time, the word was clear and rang in the air as you pushed with all of your strength.

A blink and your head fell backwards, gravity reversing again. You were falling backwards in darkness, the smell of city streets blurring into the smell of water.

The deep black reminded you of Chrollo’s eyes as they watched you. Unreadable and full of secrets that you wanted to push your fingers into and dig around for treasure.

You had felt so powerful as those eyes watched your every move, waiting.

It felt like you fell for several minutes, and when you stopped a soft bed cupped you gently.

At last you were beginning to feel more grounded. The world didn’t seem to be changing as fast as it had been. The feeling in your head was more akin to being drunk now. Everything was somewhat blurry, but understandable, and you felt cold. Were your clothes sticking to you with dampness?

An unconscious groan rumbled out of your chest. With harsh persistence your clit was being worked causing little waves of pleasure to wash over you as your head rolled on the pillow underneath it. Things still didn’t make sense you realized. Things were still wrong.

With effort you managed to lift your head to look down the length of your body. Your clothes were a mess, ripped open with a crazed haste, and the man was between your legs. A scream was working up your throat as you watched him stroke himself as he also worked you, trying to get you wet enough.

A guttural scream of rage ripped through the room causing the man to jump. Finally able to move with more direct grace you sat up and brought your fist against his face.

You felt the flesh against your knuckles, a sense of success flashed through your mind, but in the next moment you were on your back again. Each breath was labored, and it took time to settle in that his hand was around your throat. You tried to focus but couldn’t. His face. Pariston’s face. His face. Pariston’s face.

A tear fell down your cheek, letting itself be known to your brain only because of the feeling of warmth that was quickly followed by cold that was so telling of tears. “Paris-ton,” you muttered, like a prayer in a dying man’s throat.

You squeezed your eyes closed.

“Pariston,” you said again. Feeling the revenge you were working so hard for slipping from your fingers. You could almost see it. Gold strands of hope sliding over your palm and into the darkness once more.

“I have you,” a warm, strong voice said in the dark.

The smell of lilac and musk. So familiar. A scent that made you feel at ease, even as part of your mind screamed. But you were too tired to hear it scream. Too tired to listen to that voice. You just wanted to be comforted and live in that bright feeling the smell brought. Silken sheets, eggshell walls, and white marble showers. So warm and inviting.

Your eyes opened.

The room was familiar and yet completely new. The walls were not eggshell, but basic rental creme, and the smell of lilac and musk was faint and quickly fading.

It was your apartment. You were home.

As realization hit you like a literal brick, your hands scrambled over your body. Did you still have your phone? Were you tied up or shackled to the bed? Where you wearing clothes?

No, no, and somewhat. While your outfit from the previous night was gone, you were wearing underwear. Slipping a hand into them you felt yourself, unsure what exactly would tell you what you feared to know. But there was no normal soreness that happened after sex. You sighed, relaxing your shoulders into your bed for a moment while you took in a slow breath.

The front door clicked closed in the next room and you jumped from the bed, ready to fight someone off if you had to. And unlike in the bar, you were fully prepared to use all of your powers. No fucking around this time.

But, no other noises came from the small apartment other than the sound of your heart pounding in your ears. Dead air hung with a physical weight while you patiently waited for something to happen. Unwilling to wait for danger to find you first, slowly and quietly you made way to the door to look into the half kitchen half living room beyond the frame and saw no movement. There was no one by the front door either. Your heart wasn’t convinced though, it was working so hard in your chest it physically hurt.

You pushed your hand into your hair, trying to steady your mind with a physical touch as you looked around the room for any sign of what had happened. After a second glance you saw it.

Sitting on the kitchen island was a note.

It didn’t have any nen radiating from it but still you approached with caution until the neat writing was completely readable.

“I suggest you be more careful from here on out. I won’t always be able to save you.

-Pariston”

He had been here. In your home. He knew where you lived.

You expected he would know where you lived, but having it disclosed to you in this manner made your blood turn to ice in your veins and you snatched the note from the cold countertop. It took everything inside of you not to rip it to shreds, burn it in the kitchen sink, flush the ash down the toilet. But you wanted control. Control over your reactions, especially now.

The corner rumpled in your harsh grip as your hand shook with rage and fear. Why? Why had you let this happen? You could have used your nen on that man. At least enough to save you. Enough so that Pariston wouldn’t have had the chance to save you.

But wait. How? How could Pariston have ‘saved’ you? It was all a blur and becoming even more so as the seconds ticked by, but you vividly remembered another bedroom. The very real moment of that man stroking you and preparing to take you.

How would Pariston have known… unless he had organized it?

In disgust you dropped the note, cupping your face in your hands. He had made a move. You knew he would. You had been sloppy. So confident that you had already rigged the chess board for the game to start, that you didn’t notice him move a pawn into place.

Feeling nauseous you turned back to find the note, deciding to rip it up after all, but stopped seeing another message on the back.

“Keep my gift”

The memory of your shredded clothes around you as you lay upon the strangers bed flashed in your head as you rushed to the full length mirror you kept in your bedroom.

The silver surface in sight you rushed to it, putting hands against the wall on either side as your chest heaved. Through the mess of hair that had flown into your face you could clearly see the white undergarment set. White straps hugging your hips and crossing at the sides in a delicate pattern. A matching bra with a ribbon connecting each strap to form a choker at the throat. It was wrapped so gently around your neck you hadn’t even noticed it at first, but now staring at yourself you felt oddly… collared.

It was very Pariston.

It was very much a statement.

~*~*~

If waking up to Pariston's gift wasn't enough, you also had to work that same day, luckily it was Friday. How did you used to have an office job five- sometimes six- days a week? Even when there was hunter work to be done, it was boring and exhausting.

Only two weeks had passed and you still had two more before Chrollo said he'd be available to assist with your plan. Now was the time to keep moving pawns while your big pieces were in standby, but some part of you had lost motivation. Pariston's bold statement was a hard to swallow pill that you kept choking on.

Somewhat literally.

Even though it was maddening in several ways, you wore the lingerie set to work. It required you to wear a light weight turtle neck top, without sleeves as you had ditched the sweater, to hide the soft choker ribbon. When you stood the ribbon pulled against the back of your neck. In your head it felt heavier than you knew it was since the standard bra straps took most of the weight of your breasts.

But you knew.

You knew Pariston's ego would be in need of a nice stroking today. After all, he had saved you. He'd want gratitude.

Throughout the entire day you waited, uncertain when but your faith in the perceived event never wavering.

And finally around 3 in the afternoon it happened.

As was fifty percent or more of your job, you were at the copy machine. While you had been on alert all day this was naturally the one time it slipped a little and the slight jump and tensing of your shoulders when you sensed Pariston behind you was genuine.

"I'm glad you made it to work," he said in a low, pleased tone. It didn't go over your head that he was alluding to your previous "sickness" as well as what had happened last night, but you knew it best not to bring that up.

Not yet.

You shuffled your feet, pushing the copy button as you stared intently at the digital screen. "I don't know what you mean," you said it plainly, but the air of embarrassment in your voice was painfully evident.

The door to the copy room closed with a soft snap and you concentrated on every muscle to keep from shaking. Against your will you could feel yourself getting wet already. Even after a year you couldn’t stop a deep part of you from reacting to him, even though you were trying so damn hard.

Carefully you looked over one shoulder to see Pariston at last. For the first time in his territory.

His hair was still brushing his shoulders in a golden shine, today's suit was white with silver pinstripes, undershirt a light blue to make the silver pop, and his tie was a complimentary creme. An outfit that on any other person would be gaudy, or somewhat tasteless, but as always it looked completely natural on him.

He looked… perfect.

He smiled, seeing your eyes peeking back at him.

You could feel your heart clench in your chest and you couldn't breathe.

"How are you feeling?"

"Just fine," you lied, thinking to yourself that you'd never tell him otherwise. With a purposeful snap of attention you looked back to the copy machine and lifted the lid to take the original out and replace it with the next page. "Thank you."

There was a pause. Pariston had expected something else. Maybe for you to wobble and fall to your knees and praise him like a worshiper that wanted just a single drop of holy water to keep death at bay for one more day. And whatever Gods did exist knew, that thought had crossed your mind for a solid second. Or maybe he had been looking for more hesitation, signs of the struggle that existed inside of you even as you imagined punching him in the gut.

But you hadn't given him that. You had offered… nothing.

Pariston wasn't one to quit. One long step brought him to your back and his presence was inescapable. You tried to ignore it as you pushed the button for the millionth time, but his hands cupping your shoulders and rubbing them made you gasp.

Other intimate touches you had been ready for, but not something so tame. His long fingers worked into your muscles and slowly your shoulders sank. Without meaning to your eyes had closed, a small groan escaped.

Fuck.

He snickered. "Seems I still know you."

You sucked in a breath through your teeth. There were too many meanings in that simple sentence. But only one of the possibilities bothered you: did he know of your plan?

Pariston's left hand held your shoulder as his right moved from the other side to your neck and you froze in place. The tips of his fingers ran over your throat before dipping down into soft fabric of your blouse. A throaty, dark chuckle came from behind you as his fingers found the "collar" to the bra he had gifted you. "I know you," he reaffirmed.

Your own fingers dug into the sides of the copy machine as you half prayed for strength. 'Adraste, please don't let me crumble here!'

"I knew you'd wear my gift. Do you like it?” As if petting a well behaving cat, he ran his fingers around the collar.

The action made you shiver and that horrible feeling of being unbearably turned on was only growing. But you tried to keep it in check. You cycled through the memories of pain to ground you. Thinking about crying in the shower, the feelings of being used, how you had collapsed at the gallery. “I admit, it is a nice piece,” you said with a level tone of confidence laced with a sexual energy. Your left hand met his at your neck. “You’ll have to tell me what you think if you ever get to see me in it.” With the touch you gave him a taste of your desires, the ones you wanted to crush into dust but served a purpose for the moment. ‘Touch me. Kiss me. Fuck me. Need me,’ you told him with that touch and his fingers tensed around your throat the slightest amount.

For a second time Pariston was caught off guard. You were rarely this forward before, and when you had managed it there had still been a noticeable thread of nervousness. There wasn’t a sign of it now, and he didn’t seem to know how to react to that.

“Thank you for the gift,” you continued since he had chosen silence. With the words you moved your hips just enough to brush against him as the machine stopped and you gathered your copies, his hand falling from your neck.

Purposefully, you didn’t look at him while you did this, but after you had gathered all your items you looked at him with a pleasant smile for just the briefest of moments as you made to leave. He looked almost angry. Almost, because he was still hiding it under a mask. A mask constructed of ego and poise. He smiled and suddenly you felt sick. “You’re welcome,” he said with restrained heat.

He stepped back graciously, opening up your path out of the copy room. You didn’t look directly at him again, but from the corner of your eye you could see him keep up the smile as you walked by. Unfortunately, you had no idea what kind of face he made once you left him behind in the room to stew. You would have given almost anything to know what he was thinking. To know if he was seething with rage.

But you couldn’t know yet.

~*~*~

When you started at the association, you were still fresh from the exam. The job was yours already, but they wanted every person that worked in the building to have at least attempted to gain a hunter’s license. “If you are going to work here, you have to know what kind of people you are working for.” That was the reasoning you had been given. Passing had been hell. The kind of hell you were hoping to leave behind by having a nice office job.

The easiest way to advance- even in the office side of things- was to be a hunter. You hadn’t expected to pass though, and now a world of opportunity was open before you. If you trained up no job could be out of your reach.

Or so you thought until Pariston Hill had targeted you.

You were merely running an errand to the upper floor, but that single small task on a long to-do list put you on a crash course that would completely devour your life.

“Fresh from the hunter exam huh?” He had known you wouldn’t be able to defend yourself yet. “Welcome to the office. You’re a rare gem, you know that? Most people that work on your floor didn’t pass the test.” The knowledge that you could learn nen and be manipulated into using it for him and his dealings if you were groomed correctly was his strongest weapon. “I’m Pariston Hill, the vice president. I look forward to working with you.”

In a week you were moved to the floor below his office.

His smile, the warmth of his hand, the buzz of the new office.

It all meshed into a strange child’s version of a collage. Pieces of what perceived life would be like as an adult pasted onto poster board with too much glue. The pictures bubbling in places even as they moved at different speeds.

A picture of Pariston giving you the water test. Seeing the leaf spin in circles had excited you so much that in the moment Pariston’s calculating face as he watched your joy hadn’t even registered.

A picture of working incredibly late.

Another picture of drinking with office friends. So many picture memories crammed into one space it was hard to make sense of it all.

However, one picture seemed brighter than the others.

Towards the center left was a slow moving picture of Pariston kissing you for the first time. It was the magazine picture of first kisses. A dark park, the city lights blinking through the trees as they rustled in a slight breeze while he cupped your face and leaned in. Your heart beat so heavily in your chest that it made you feel sick. For the first time you had understood the phrase of ‘butterflies in your stomach’.

A chime rang in the distance and some latent part of you realized it wasn’t how that night had gone. There had been no noise like that on the slightly chilly night of your date.

Your eyes opened and blinked several times, the strange dream of memories falling back into your subconscious as the wheels in your mind slowly turned to comprehend reality again.

Why were dreams always so damn weird?

Your phone blinked a blue light next to you letting you know that the chime that had interrupted your dreams was a new message. Luckily the device had made it home with you from your horrible night out, probably thanks to Pariston somehow.

A tiny flame of hope sparked inside of you at the idea it could be Hisoka or -to a less realistic possibility- Chrollo. With a half awake haste you snatched the phone and fumbled a few times before successfully unlocking it to reveal the message:

[I request that you join me for dinner. Around 7:30pm?]

The number wasn’t programmed into your phone. But it stank of Pariston’s way of speaking. It had to be him.

[I accept. Where should I meet you?] Typing out the reply had taken nearly ten minutes of backspacing and groaning, but it was acceptable you determined.

[No need to worry about that. I’ll pick you up. I look forward to seeing you tonight.]

You left it on read for several minutes before replying: [As do I.]

[Oh and

Please do remember my gift.]

~*~*~

A little under a year ago you stood in front of your hallway mirror, touching up your lipstick as you waited for Pariston to take you on your first date. It was the same image you had seen the first night with Hisoka. And now, history repeated itself as you turned your head in several directions to view your lips, being sure that not a smudge of the carefully applied color was out of line.

You weren’t stupid. The knowledge of the mirroring events burned in your heart, eating away any other emotion you could possibly be feeling in the moment as you corrected a collection of hairs back into place behind your ear. “This is part of the plan,” you said in a sigh. It was, and wasn’t. Both a lie, and the truth.

Pariston’s attention was required, but even with your careful planning and observations you couldn’t predict everything he would do. But some things…

Somethings you could.

The strap around your neck rubbed noticeably as you straightened your posture. ‘I know you’ he had said. But you knew him too.

Your phone buzzed in your clutch and you knew without looking it would be Pariston. With a glance back over your shoulder you took the small collection of hairs back out from where you had tucked it, creating the appearance of having missed it.

It would drive him insane.

Pariston stood outside of the slick black car, holding the door open for you while sporting his iconic warm, broad smile. If you hadn’t been staring directly into his eyes as you approached, a painfully pleased smile plastered onto your own face, you would have missed the fraction of a second that the corner of his lip fell. He had no doubt noticed the stray hairs.

“Thank you,” you said, brushing the hand holding the door open as you slid in with a grace you previously had only dreamed of maintaining naturally. When the car door shut a little sliver of pride was blooming inside of you as the realization of how you had finally, finally managed to be elegant in Pariston’s presence.

The bloom made you smile so sincerely that when Pariston got into the car he took notice, a chuckle of question as the car took off which made you look at him. Immediately his hand brushed the stray hairs behind your ear, taking extra care to caress the sensitive outer ear with his thumb as he did so. “You seem to be having a good night,” he pointed out with great pleasure.

“I guess it just feels so… normal,” you said looking away as the slightest blush crossed your cheeks.

A long ‘hm’ came from Pariston as he moved a few inches closer to you on the seat. “It does, doesn’t it? Even your demur blushes are the same.”

The blush deepened and his pleasure only grew. “Look at me.” It was an order, but the kind he had started the relationship with. It was warm, inviting, maybe a little playful. But now you knew the dark center that honey hid, and your breath caught as you slid your gaze to his. “You look beautiful,” he complimented before kissing you.

It was chaste, but you started to melt immediately. Naturally you leaned into the kiss, feeling the layer of gunk that still remained from Thursday night start to dissipate at the familiar contact. Delicately you touched the side of his face, the movement a trained reaction to simple kisses.

Without meaning to, you took in his desire. A warm, deep red vine wrapped up your wrist, and it felt tangible- which it had never been before. Even Hisoka, the pleasure demon, hadn’t had such a strong desire like this. It burned your skin as it grew around and around your arm to your neck and you let out a long breath as your body filled with complicated feelings.

But one stood out as you felt your body cry for air once more. The indisputable desire for ownership.

He called your name, snapping you out of the illusion of being strangled to death by the red, thorny ivy of Pariston’s desire. “There you are,” he said seeing your eyes focus on him again as you blinked and tried to inaudibly resume breathing. “Where did you go?”

“I guess I got lost in the moment,” you said with a small, awkward laugh. Trying to resume your cool you sat back into your seat and ran a hand through the hair next to your ear, appearing to accidentally free the strand he had just fixed. “I apologize I didn’t even ask where we were going. I hope I dressed appropriately.”

He frowned, if it was due to the hair or your pulling away it wasn’t clear. But you could feel his disappointment in the air as you crossed your hands over your lap and tried to clear your head. It was unbelievably hard. Is this what addicts felt like? That just being near the vice that almost destroyed them still could call to every part of their being like a need? The drubbing in their heads of ‘just one more time’ as their nervous system shook with such immense power that you couldn’t recall a time when you didn’t feel this way. A time when you were calm, and your head was clear.

Was it like that for them?

Because it was like that for you.

A warm hand covered both of yours in your lap as you were staring at your ghostly reflection in the window, attempting to focus on some visible reminder of who you were and what you were doing. As he took your hand closest to him into his and pulled it to the seat between you he spoke softly, “Your attire is perfect, as far as I can see.”

Without thought you swallowed, picking up the hidden meaning in his words. He wanted to know if you were wearing his gift or not. “Good. I think it is a bit late to turn around and change,” you attempted to joke, still looking at the window and hoping he couldn’t see your pulse pounding.

‘You can do this. Don’t forget what you’re doing here. This is just to make him keep his guard down. If you avoided him he’d be too defensive. Remember what you’ve done to get here,’ you thought to yourself, forcing thoughts of Haven’s Arena. The blood you had poured onto the floor- some of it yours, some of it not- and the harsh lessons of combat you had to relearn in the forms of bruises and points.

Just as you were forcefully summoning the image of Chrollo laying on your living room floor, remembering that you had straddled the leader of The Phantom Troupe and controlled him for those brief moments, Pariston squeezed your hand hard enough that you looked at him out of reflex. It hurt, he had meant for it to. An unspoken warning of not giving him what he felt he deserved of your attention. “No need to change again.”

Everything he said had double meanings, or they did to you. Had he always spoken in this way?

Before you could think more on it, he pulled you into him and kissed you with force. If anyone had been watching it would have appeared passionate, a kiss full of lust and love in equal measure.

But next to him on the seat you knew it was teeming of possession.

And you fell into it.

His mouth moved against yours. Biting down on your lower lip just as you took in a breath made your lungs completely freeze. The world was hazy again, but not like when you had been drugged. Not the feeling of an oil painting that had been blurred expertly to create a starry sky. It was watercolor out of focus. The colors bled uncontrolled, red running over the corners of the page in a mess. It was impossible to see where one color began and another ended.

“We’re here,” he mumbled against your lips, keeping your face steady with a firm hand as you started for another kiss.

In the haze you had ended up on his lap, straddling him in the somewhat cramped back seat of the car. Some part of you was mortified. Completely aghast at how fast you had fallen onto his lap and drank up his kisses. But something inside of you was too strong now and you smiled at Pariston from your place above him.

‘Soon, you will look up at me just like you are now and in your eyes I’ll see the moment you realize you lost.’

“You’ve become quite brazen haven’t you?” he asked, sliding a hand up your thigh. The tips of his fingers reached out to touch your underwear and you grabbed the hand with a smile.

“No cheating now,” you told him as you shifted from his lap to the seat once more. He returned the smile, but it was forced. “Good things come to those who wait.”

The door opened next to you before Pariston could reply and you exited with the last word for the second time.

But the feeling of triumph wasn’t to last. As your feet hit the concrete, a part of your mind kept you from standing up. Instinct had again kicked in but as was par for the course when it came to Pariston, even your instinct was a bit too late to help you now.

Pariston’s upscale apartment building loomed before you, casting a shadow that was so cold you felt frost forming in your chest.

That son of a bitch had really upped the game quickly. The chess board was a mess.

“Madam?” he asked with an offered hand to you. The look on his face devoid of outward smile, but you could feel the aura of superiority radiating off of him. You took it, not hiding the look of complex emotion on your face as he helped you to stand. Somehow with the world under your feet, you didn’t feel better. “What’s wrong?”

“I just thought we were going out,” you replied, still holding his hand.

“My initial plan was to do that but, well,” he drifted off and you looked at him as he feigned innocence, going as far as to rub his neck as if discomforted. “I thought something more intimate would be appropriate.”

“Appropriate?”

He chuckled at your uplifted eyebrow, taking your other hand into his. “Just a little apology dinner.”

You couldn’t breathe.

Or speak.

“An attempt to fix things up between us,” he continued since you hadn’t replied. “Come on,” he said kissing the back of your hands, “I’m cooking tonight.”

~*~*~

How did you allow this to happen? How had you ended up in the place you visited in your nightmares until only a few months ago?

You had been confident that anything Pariston threw at you wouldn’t be enough to shake you more than he himself did. But he had known that, hadn’t he?

Alone in the dining room of the high end apartment, you checked your cell phone over and over again for a text from Chrollo or Hisoka. When absolutely positive Pariston wasn’t coming in soon to check on you, you even braved a peak at the text conversations you had saved from Hisoka.

You had meant to delete them. Keep the trail as thin as possible. But you looked at them as confidence boosters when you felt yourself slipping back into your old ways. And nothing made you feel like you were backsliding more than sitting in Pariston’s apartment, preparing to eat a dinner he made you, knowing he would expect payment for his hospitality and thoughtfulness.

[Yes, ma'am~♡]

You read it again and again, remembering the feeling of Hisoka’s desires filling you that first time. It had happened so fast and you had felt full to the point of bursting. Confident, reckless, unafraid.

Footsteps approaching alerted you to Pariston’s imminent arrival, and you locked your phone before dropping it into your purse in a flash.

“I hope you are hungry,” his voice greeted as he entered into the dining room.

Even the callused part of you had to admit he looked extra attractive. He was without his suit jacket, the top two buttons of his shirt undone, sleeves unbuttoned, and rolled up. Seeing him outside of his normal presentation was special, a treat that you had come to appreciate during your time together. You dug your fingernails into your palm to help you focus as he laid down two covered trays, one in front of you, and one in front of his own place directly across from you.

The smell of warm protein over wrote your paranoia somewhat and your stomach pained. “It smells wonderful,” you said truthfully. “What did you make?”

Pariston snatched the lids off of the trays with a flourish, that was indeed impressive, revealing a warm plate of food. “Pomegranate duck with Greek salad and a side of gravy-stuffed duchess potatoes.”

The plate was colorful from the brown of the roasted duck to the bright red tomatoes in the salad. The potatoes were beautifully yellow and when you put your fork into the artfully raised mash gravy seeped out. “Pariston… this is impressive,” you complimented sincerely as you tasted the duck. It had a slight sweet taste due to the pomegranate juice.

He laughed as he took his seat. “Don’t forget your napkin,” he reminded you.

Automatically you placed your napkin into your lap and Pariston seemed pleased that you listened so readily.

The food was delicious, and at no point did you feel anything like when you had been drugged at the bar. Maybe he hadn’t arranged that entire mess. Perhaps you had just been too paranoid.

Pariston provided amicable conversation and somehow you both started talking about art. His recent dive into becoming an art patron provided a lot to talk about, and when he mentioned seeing you at the gallery your throat didn’t close up around the potato you had just swallowed. Everything was comfortable. You sipped some of the white wine, washing down the duck with a with something that was probably worth more than your rent.

As his hand reached out and covered yours he said your name in a quiet tone which made you hesitate before looking up at him. “Do you hate me?” he asked, looking so deeply into your eyes that you could practically feel him trying to pick your brain from across the table.

You had become so swept up in the evening- the food, the wine, how sweet he was being, good conversation- that you didn’t even hesitate when you whispered, “No. Of course not.”

The grip on your hand increased and you winced as Pariston stood. He moved around the table and pulled you out of your seat by the hand, with very little thought to if it would hurt your arm to do so. Like a practiced dance he turned on you, making you back up into the dining room wall like a retreating animal. “Par-”

“Look me in the eyes,” he commanded as his free hand grabbed your shoulder, thumb pushing into the soft muscle under the clavicle, “tell me if you hate me.” His voice had a softness to it, even as he pinned your right hand to the wall next to your head. The tone made your breath catch as his deep brown eyes stared you down, not looking away from your face for even a second. Spite the position something about it was comforting in its familiarity and a familiar feeling of sinking into a prickly warmth swam through your mind.

It took a conscious effort to raise your left hand to his exposed forearm, gripping it with the right amount of force that he wouldn’t think it was a challenge. You had to steady your mind, focus. Things were escalating too quickly to use your power with the care you would have liked, so you drew from him his desire in a rush.

Red, thorny vines covered you from head to toe. His desire entangling you literally. Each wrist was wrapped tightly, as were your ankles and throat. Though they weren’t physical they felt it on every level as Pariston’s strongest desire burned into your skin: destroy.

The rush of it was a hard slap in the face. You had started to slip back into your old pattern with him, letting him lead you through the familiar motions and succumbing to him so easily. He was determining the pace of the evening, the conversation flow, even this physical altercation you had just allowed to happen. You even had started feeling something for this monster again. Undeniably, you felt like an idiot standing there realizing that over dinner he had so easily lured you back into him. Even this more aggressive movement would have been exciting to you once upon a time. A sign of Pariston having strong enough feelings in some way that he was acting out from his norm.

And if it hadn’t been for your power, even now you might have been stuck in that cycle. Thinking this drastic move was just an act of his passion for you. That somewhere in that evil heart he loved you.

But his desires told the truth. He wanted you to break into pieces and hate him. What he wanted the most in the world was for you to be consumed with hate, because then he’d truly own you. Once you allowed yourself to truly hate him, he’d own part of you more permanently than love ever could.

People fall out of love all the time. But true hate?

True hate resisted everything. Hate would be buried with you.

You smiled, like the love sick puppy you once were. “Of course I don’t hate you, Pariston.” What made it all the sweeter was, it was true. That part of yourself you had been fighting for a year, and more intensely tonight than ever before, loved this monster.

With your hand still on his arm you drove your desire in Pariston with a push, sure that in the heat of this moment he wouldn’t notice any influence on his own desires as you told him to kiss you. Take you into his arms and make you his again.

And he did.

Just that easily Pariston kissed you and commanded you to undress right there in the dining room, dinner growing cold on the table behind him. And happily you complied. Though you had gotten accustomed to telling other people what to do, the facade of the person he had groomed easily slid out as he unzipped the back of the dress and you pulled it off to reveal the white bra and panty set he had gifted you. Now you had practice in heels, so as he rubbed your pussy through the white underwear you didn’t even wobble as you gasped his name.

Even as you let your outward self revert back to the toy he had once broken, some part of the new you was a pillar inside. It kept you steady against his movements mentally and physically. And even as you whispered his name, it was nothing like how your tiny voice pled before. It had a strength and substance to it. He watched you moan and move against the dining room wall and he noticed this change- as he noticed all things with utmost scrutiny. “You’ve become quite the dirty slut haven’t you?” he asked, fingers moving the fabric to the side so that he could touch your wet skin.

“Yes. Will you punish me for being a dirty slut, Pariston?” You looked at him through your eyelashes, wanting him to kiss you again.

“You’ve gotten too bold, perhaps,” his voice was low, guttural and deep. Some of the softness slipping off as his excitement grew.

“Forgive me.”

“Earn it,” he responded before kissing you and releasing your face to grab a fist full of your hair.

In a fluid movement Pariston stood back, whipped you toward the table, and pushed you face down with a loud thud onto the table clothed surface. Fortunately he had a large table so your face didn’t go into the pomegranate duck, but a slight stabbing on your stomach said perhaps a fork still found its way under you.

His hand left your head, but you didn’t try to sit up as the sound of Pariston’s belt being undone behind you sent shivers through your body. “Did you think that I wouldn’t notice you coming back to the city exactly a year since you left?”

“No. I didn’t think you’d pay any attention to me,” you replied and received a punishing whip of the belt across the back of your thighs. It stung, but it didn’t hurt nearly as much as you knew he was capable of making it. He was still holding back. Still playing the early game again to lure you into his grasp. The darkest part of him waiting for you to slip up and completely trust him just like last time.

“Do you think I’m stupid?” Pariston asked, voice stern and somewhat distant. Just a taste of how it sounded when he was planning on being particularly cruel.

‘I hope so,’ you thought. “No,” you said.

He whipped you again and you clenched the table cloth into your hands. You had pumped enough desire into him that you knew he wouldn’t be able to torture you too long before the need to take you took over him. “What did you say you wanted from me?” he rubbed a hand down your exposed back to your ass.

“Forgive me.”

A slap with his hand this time on to your ass, but it was just as hard as the belt somehow. “For?”

You swallowed, doing your best to keep your legs from shaking, your control over the muscles was being pushed to its limit by this point. “Forgive me for being a dirty slut.”

“You’re already wet. What else can you expect from a slut?”

You knew this wasn’t a question to be answered, but he gave your ass another slap anyway. He leaned over you, crushing you into the table as he did just so he could put his mouth close to your ear. “You may have gotten bolder, but you’re still the same in one way.” You looked at him out the corner of your eye, his wide lipped smile the only thing you could see. “You still get wet for me the same as you did back then. You’re still mine.”

He sat up and there was a pause before he shoved himself into you as hard as he could. Your hips slammed into the side of the table and a year long itch that had been frozen inside of you thawed all at once and diffused into you. It was like warm massage oil dripping into every crevice of every muscle. It felt better than a hot shower. And even as Pariston moved against you with a force so strong it caused pain with each push- there was no way you wouldn’t be bruised tomorrow- it was still exactly what you wanted. Even the fork podding your side just added to the feeling of bliss.

The heels didn’t offer much traction, but you kept your feet steady through the slight conscious will you had managed to retain even as Pariston gripped your shoulder to help bring you back into his hips over and over again.

There was no way to know how long this went on, every nerve that he had groomed was on fire. Pariston was either lost in chasing the instilled need or feeling kind because you orgasmed as he roughly moved against you, giving you a high to ride out as he continued to use you for his own pleasure until he came inside of you.

When he pulled out, you felt the warmth of the last of his cum slide down your inner thigh and you sighed in contentment.

You hated to admit it, even though it was just to yourself, but you felt as if something inside of you had been deeply satisfied. The heavy pain that you had carried from who you were before was at long last dissipating while simultaneously the person you had been building up for an entire year was more fired up than ever before. Because now you knew something you hadn’t previously.

The thing you thought was your greatest weakness against Pariston, that feeling of love, was your greatest strength against him. As long as you still held that horrible feeling inside of you, he couldn’t truly claim victory.

Pariston probably felt like he had already won the chess game, but you knew that now your queen was moving into place for checkmate. It was only a few more moves away.

#long post #star fic #she wants revenge series #pariston hill//#hunter x hunter//#dark fic #dark tea//#thank you all for your patience!#I hope you all enjoy it!!

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