#i can still take care of my personal hygiene and food but that's about it. who the fuck am i is no one
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fail, girl!
5:49 p.m. Friday, on a straw mat, with peel-off lipstick on
When we were in a journalism competition, a newspaper columnist came and held a small workshop for us small budding high school students. She was one of those old-Martial Law era types, the ones who got the grit and experience necessary to survive being a journalist here in the Philippines, a dragon with callused wings swanning into a place full of ickle baby lizards with fresh bits of slick membrane still clinging to our scaly lids.
She asked who among those of us competing for the copyreading category in the room wanted to become a journalist. I was the only one who tentatively raised a hand.
She was confused, and a bit disappointed that none of these little reptiles who managed to clear the first two rounds of the competitions wanted to pursue fact-checking and editing and newswriting in totality. I thought she was just reacting as an animal bred for her field- her life was words, and she couldn't fathom anyone else trying so hard to succeed in a field they weren't going to nurture and continue in any way.
At least, that's what I thought she thought then. Now I know she was probably just confused. No other deeper meaning to it.
Like I am right now. I have not been a law student in two to three weeks, just simply going to events and covering them and interviewing clients and transcribing quotes and attempting and failing to write the articles I need to write from them.
I feel impotent and stupid and just plain useless. Those kids who didn't raise their hands... they were smart. They were onto something. They knew that this wasn't a field to pursue if you wanted to be successful in the long term. These smart kids, achievers and top ten placers in their school with their latinate appellations a soft launch for their three-to-four letter profession markers in their certificates.
They were just there because the journalism competition held a lot of points in class and school rankings, not because asking people and getting answers and writing those down and spreading them out was fun and nice to do. They were smart, playing the game like that. I just played with whatever they gave me and never thought to do anything that required higher thinking skills with it.
They gave me a pencil, then a pen, pointed me to people and events and ideas- and I wrote. I didn't think anything beyond that.
Now I type, heavily and with such excess. I don't like what I type, and I think I hate typing...even writing this update is very tiring for me. I don't like it anymore. I don't like the updates getting from my bosses and coworkers, I don't like being jealous and envious of my coworkers having their ducks in their row and effortlessly slaying this industry I thought I was a good fit for. I don't like working for people who use money to do fucking shit in my place, I don't like platforming [type of company redacted for anonymity purposes] on our articles, and I fucking hate talking to people in a large crowd.
A few days ago I met a journalist who never asked questions (fully online desk reporter, though she worked in local print media like I did) and was more anxious than me and I felt a kinship with her and she was nice. Until I saw a friend of mine during the same event, and she congratulated me for getting into law school, and that my cousin from my father's side who failed the bar exam thrice but was married to an attorney he met in law school was surprised that I was still there and why I haven't quit the silly little news writing thing I was doing. And this journalist congratulated me for doing such a good job. I felt like a fraud, like I have inadvertently put her under the same illusion I somehow cast over everyone else- the spell of "oooh look at her she is a competent person who has her ducks in a row".
She has expectations of me that I don't know how to meet!
And I was stressed but I wasn't as stressed as my friends who were also working in offices with solid hours and good career prospects and great work-life-school balance and they had three midterm exams back-to-back.
You know what I did with those same hours? Nothing. Just daydreaming and sleeping thinking about fictional characters being loved and nothing else and I have put off so much. The gig I took, the articles I am three to four days late in passing, the fucking law school!
Killing myself isn't even going to cut it anymore, the phrase has been slicing over so many thoughts in my head for nine months now that the edge of it has dulled and it can't pierce through the brain fog right now.
I want to have my cake and eat it too, like the greedy Jupiter-Venus person that I am (but the Mercury-ruled detriment of both these planets is literally knowing that this isn't practical or realistic or rooted in explainable and measurable actions). So yeah... we go fucking on? I don't know. I don't have much faith in myself any more.
Do I learn how to say no? Or how to stop saying yes?
(30) 6:34 p.m.
#t#aarrrghghghg i was wondering why i havent had a selfie in a while then my mom took a picture of me#and i just remembered why people don't react to me the way i expect them to- and it's because i have a different picture of what i look lik#than what they see#and although that photo was physical (i saw myself as a plump old grandma type with graceful shoulders#but was in reality a glob with scraggly hair and a side profile where my thyroid is wider than my jawline)#it reminded me also that people's perception of me as someone who got into law school#while working a fulltime job where i get to go to major events in the city#while also passing the board exam first try merely three months after graduating#like they see me as this unstoppable force that may be quiet and doesn't shine but does shit so well that it dazzles everybody#meanwhile i have been lying on a bed of nails of anxiety and pressure because im not performing well in any sphere of my life#i can still take care of my personal hygiene and food but that's about it. who the fuck am i is no one#just a lazy fucking no one who hasn't proved anything yet and i want to kill myself! except i think id fail even in that
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#Jesus fucking Christ#why do some people just. not see the mess they’re making and acknowledge that it’s their responsibility to clean up after themselves??#like. you throw your shoes in the entrance exactly where people walk. you let shared loafers stand outside for several hours#you cook the most simple dinner that one time you cook (mind you the other people have equal shares of making food)#and yet you don’t even manage to clean up after neither the cooking NOR taking the food off the table into the fridge so it doesn’t turn bad#you keep on taking the most easy solution that fits you the best without thinking about others. in a space where we all are exhausted#and I’m so done with it for now tbh. how lazy to not care about the bare necessities for others. how rude to admit to it#AND on top of this. you’ll tell stuff about your country that’s *objectively horrifying* and then add on to that that you love your country#it’s just. so many things. are so so so much of what I’d avoid in a person. a few things is fine. no one’s perfect. but damn there’s a limit#SORRY to anyone who’s read this far but I just. had to get it out#this guy is the one I’m working the closest with these two and a half weeks. hes still a kid kind of. I’m not gonna be mean to him#but damn. my patience. is being tested#AHHH I might delete this tbh. I don’t like showing this side of myself. I don’t want to spread this kind of negativity#I’m just so very frustrated. how a human person can come to this place and be here for SO LONG already#and still not have learnt the basics of living and working together#own post#oh. and all the triggering of intrusive thoughts is not helping your case buddy#(which you can’t really know about so it’s kinda fair but also it’s for bad hygiene stuff mostly and that’s. I mean…..)
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For those with home related New Years Resolutions:
I’ve been a disabled homemaker for 5 years now so I wanted to share the resources that have helped me take our home from complete chaos to reasonably functional and enjoyable.
If you’re not functioning...
If you’re constantly tripping over things and getting injured, eating food that makes you sick, dealing with pests in the home, and struggling to complete basic tasks like feeding, clothing, and bathing yourself, then you should start with...
KC Davis aka StruggleCare aka DomesticBlisters
TikTok
Book
Podcast
Website
I recommend KC Davis’s stuff with a big heaping dose of “keep what works and leave what doesn’t.” She’s one of the few people I’ve seen talking about compassionate care focused on maintaining a level of personal functioning rather than maintaining a home. Her stuff has been very helpful to me during some very challenging times.
I think her some of her best work is probably her videos on the 5 step tidying process, the ones on setting up bedside hygiene and food kits, and the ones on dealing with DOOM (Didn’t Organize Only Moved) boxes.
That being said she has a tendency to use neurotype as a shield for not reckoning with other dynamics in a situation (gendered, narcissism, etc) when asked for advice by viewers which can lead to this “all people with neurodivergence are good” vibe which I find off putting (especially as an autistic person). I mention it because her bleh stuff was all I was coming across and I missed out on her good stuff for a while. It’s worth picking through though.
Her book is a little better on the whole.
If you’re functioning but still very overwhelmed...
If you can complete your daily activities of living pretty regularly but you’re still losing papers you need, rebuying items you didn’t realize you had, or looking around your home at a mess that feels impossible to clean, then check out...
Dana K White aka A Slob Comes Clean
YouTube
Website
Podcast
Books
I love Dana K. White’s stuff. Honestly, I recommend her to every level on this list but I think she probably shines brightest in this category.
Her 5 step decluttering process is pure fucking gold. It’s a decluttering process that doesn’t rely on feelings at all - really helpful for those with trauma or alexthymia generally. She has multiple videos explaining it and even more where you can watch her go step by step with someone over the course of an hour and make a huge dent in some very overwhelming mess. Its the process I’ve used to go through over 50 moving boxes to declutter so we could fit in this much smaller space we moved to in April.
Her day to day cleaning advice is also excellent. Her concept of dishes math has really helped me make decisions about what chores to focus on when I’m low energy. Her 14 Days to Opening Your Front Door series is amazing if you’re having to host for a given occasion but your home is a wreck.
If you’re not painfully overwhelmed by your stuff but there’s still a lot of friction in your home...
If your stuff doesn’t overwhelm you but your home still doesn’t feel that good to be in, you’re still not finding things when you need to or it’s taking you a long time to find them, you create homes for things but they look terrible or they never seem to stick, then you’d love...
Cassandra Aarssen aka Clutterbug
YouTube
Books
Website
Podcast
Clutterbug types were kind of a game changer for me. It’s what really opened my eyes to why the systems that worked for me did not work for my partner. She is a Bee - lots of small categories that are all very visible - and I am a ladybug - big bucket categories that aren’t visible. When I reorganized our space according to the compromise between our types, Butterfly - big categories and very visible - all of a sudden the systems just worked so much better. There were many fewer fights sparked by things not getting put away or not being able to find things. So I really recommend her videos on the different types and examples of each.
Quick word of warning, she does have regular videos about diet and exercise that I personally find pretty triggering to my disordered eating habits so I’m not subscribed to her and just check her channels every now and then so it’s easier to skip over videos where that might be a topic she talks about.
Cliff Tan aka Dear Modern
TikTok
YouTube
Website
Book
Cliff Tan’s work is the most recent of these resources that I’ve come across but holy shit I cannot recommend it enough.
Because my parents didn’t originally intend on my partner using the room she wound up using, there’s simply not space to keep some of the furniture and items in there anywhere else. Meaning she just kind of has to keep a fair bit of junk in there. But after watching (read: binging) the Dear Modern YouTube channel and seeing him completely change spaces by moving furniture around, I redid my partners room over the course of about 2 hours and it’s a completely different room. Way more comfortable and she’s already mentioned she’s getting much better sleep.
So I really really recommend his stuff. Sometimes what you really need isn’t new stuff but just rearranging what you already have.
If you’re pretty content with your home but want to streamline the process of caring for it...
If your home is pretty functional but regular tidying, deep cleaning, and maintenance tasks specifically keep falling through the cracks, then you might like...
FlyLady System
Website
The Secret Slob - YouTube
Diane in Denmark - YouTube
There are lots of systems out there for house keeping but I’ve yet to try or see one that seems to do better than FlyLady for me. Since with my illness my energy varies wildly, I don’t necessarily do things when her system recommends but I do them according to the priority her system ascribes to them as I’m able.
FlyLady is a notoriously convoluted website so I really recommend learning from a secondhand source. The Secret Slob and Diane in Denmark are my favorites.
Maintenance Lists
This Old House
There a lots of maintenance lists out there and honestly finding one and doing what you can is better than nothing. I personally like the ones from This Old House because they’re broken up into annual, seasonal, monthly, and some weekly tasks - which are essentially priority categories, similar to FlyLady. I’ve linked the winter one here but there are many others to pick through depending on what you want to work on.
Bonus: Paper Clutter
My System
Link
This is what I’ve arrived at after years of experimentation. It’s an amalgam of a few different ideas from different systems in one place. I keep mind on my fridge but put yours where ever you’re dumping paper anyways. If you’re in a room or live in a car/backpack - I have ideas on how to organize it for those in this post too.
Sunday Basket
YouTube Video
The Minimal Mom’s Video
She’s in Her Apron Video
Need something a little more robust? The Sunday Basket is probably be best version of a paper (and other stuff) system I’ve seen. Got something that needs dealt with? Chuck it in the Sunday Basket. The creator also has videos on long term paper storage ideas if that’s something you need as well. But her videos usually run an hour long so I recommend starting with either the Minimal Mom’s video or She’s in Her Apron’s video.
Bonus: Digital Clutter
PARA System/Building a Second Brain by Tiago Forte
YouTube Channel
Website
Book
Essential Video
The branding on this system can be very productivity tech wonk which is off putting to me but when I finally started hearing what was at the core of it and applying it - my digital life was changed. I’ve linked my absolute favorite video he’s done here. Ignore the bit about it being the last in the series, most of us are already using some note app and if you like it you can always go back and watch the rest. But just applying what’s in that video to your digital systems will make things easier to find.
Hope this helps someone out there!
#homemaking#housekeeping#getting your shit together#organizing#adulting#life skills#home#decluttering#studyblr
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You can answer this privately, but a few weeks ago I was thinking about if Reader was trying to make Eddie jealous with the song I kissed a girl in the background making out with some girl on the stage you know. Or tryna make him want her more lol.
def need to catch up tho
ooooh a lil toxic lovin’ i see i see 😏💋 thank you for helping with the possessive!eddie dirty talk and reactions, my sweet.
from the CMWYW universe
timeline: shortly after chapter 013
𝐈 𝐇𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐌𝐲 𝐁𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐈𝐭 18+
a collaboration with @emsgoodthinkin 💌
modern!strip club owner!eddie x modern!fem!exotic dancer!hargrove reader
CW: jealous!eddie, wlw, possessive!eddie, boyfriend!eddie, biting, degrading kink, eddie calls us a slut lmao, bratty shy girl, dom!eddie, sub!shy girl, lmk if i miss anything
[WC: 2.0k]
“I just think you’re getting a little too into it.”
It’s crazy to think Eddie would draw the line at Gareth and not Steve. Yet here you two are, arguing in the dressing room mid-shift because Eddie realized his D&D friends — who are regulars at his D&D themed strip club — have eyes and money.
“Babe, this is GARETH we’re talking about here,” you emphasize. “Gareth!”
You’re talking about the Gareth who’s gamer tag is ‘Gareth the “Gare Bear” Emerson’. The same Gareth who still uses the bunny ear method to tie his shoes. The same Gareth who gets upset when his food touches. Aside from his now relatively toned build, clear skin, and knowledge on self-care and personal hygiene, Gareth Emerson is still the same guy. And that guy is a fucking dweeb.
“Yeah, but Gareth is conventionally attractive now,” your boyfriend points out. “And somebody who’s had no choice but to build their charm from the inside out is a dangerous person.”
Projecting, are we Munson? You think to yourself. You couldn’t believe the audacity of your boyfriend. Ever since you two became exclusive, Eddie has become extra protective of you. You didn’t mind it. You actually preferred it because it means he cares. But really, at work? The place you clock in every day (not only to see him but) to make a living?
“You left scratches on his back last time.”
“He paid me to make a girl jealous.”
“And let’s not forget whatever the fuck that was that you did with Creel,” Eddie adds refusing to hear you out.
“Henry PAID me for a lap dance,” you hiss. “He was lonely, I was doing my job. He came in and spoiled me and your business on his off day, babe.”
The heat dissolves from Eddie’s cheeks when he hears his pet name. Albeit flattering, this conversation between you two wasn’t over just yet.
Eddie knew what he saw. He knows that blank, fucked out stare from anywhere, and it was prominent when you were giving Henry a lap dance, using the crinkle of his pants to get yourself off.
There’s no arguing there. But you were single when that happened and Eddie at the time made it really seem like he didn’t want anything with you. None of this was taking away from how ridiculous Eddie was being.
“Okay,” you sigh, still choosing to honor his wishes. “No more dances for Gareth.”
“At least for tonight,” Eddie barters, issuing you a fake pout. “Feeling a little bit jealous, but I’ll get over it.”
Stay away from Gareth, or men in general tonight. You can definitely do that.
Eddie’s a happy camper now. He watches as you do your thing at Vecna’s Lair, cock twitching eagerly in his pants as you swing down the pole and sink your pelvis onto the stage. The men douse you in ones, fives, tens, twenties. And you let it rain down on you with ease.
But why is Eddie still so jealous? He can’t help but turn green with envy when he sees you smile at your patrons. When you lock eyes with them as you speak. And the way they gravitate towards you and your pheromones like some magnets on a fridge.
You seem to be unbothered by everything, unbothered by his presence in a room full of other gentlemen. Eddie needs to test the waters. Eddie needs to know you care.
So he decides to grab a beer and approach the first customer of the opposite sex who happens to spiral into his periphery. It happens to be good ol’ Stephanie tonight.
A regular during the beginning days of the week, this kind hearted, very approachable redhead welcomes Hellfire’s owner with a smile, offering her beer bottle to Eddie for him to give her a clink, hello.
“Hey!” he chimes. “How uh, how are you doing?”
“I’m doing well, and yourself?”
Eddie grins. “Not too shabby.”
Performatively studying her with his eyes, he decides to ask her an innuendo-filled question. “You enjoying yourself tonight?”
“What’s it to ya?”
“I always like to make sure my customers are satisfied.”
Her brow does a fruitful quirk upwards.
“So you’re the owner huh? Already so young and successful. That’s quite impressive.”
“D’aww,” your boyfriend’s hands clutch his chest. “I appreciate that.”
You can’t help but look over, stomach warped into knots.
Eddie told you to stay away from guys. So why is he flirting with a girl? Specifically a customer you’ve interacted with before. Not that Eddie would know that, since he’s always in his office when Stephanie is here.
Eddie knows you see him now and that’s all the satisfaction he needs. Knowing he got the reaction he wanted, he excuses himself from Steph, strutting back over to his office to disappear for a while and let your mind wander.
But your mind is already two steps ahead. When Stephanie catches a glimpse of you, her eyes sparkle. You wave her over.
“You just keep coming back for more, don’t you?” you infer as she strides towards you.
Stephanie chuckles. “You just can’t seem to keep me away, Shy Girl. I owe Vicky and Robin one for putting me onto this joint.”
You swing your legs over so you can divert your attention to your stunning regular. She seems to be receptive to your flirtatious nature. And conveniently, the DJ transitions into a very fitting song:
“How are you doing tonight?” you assess her.
Stephanie shrugs. “I’m doing okay. The chick I was telling you about last week stood me up. So I’m here just trying to make myself feel better.”
“OMG I’m so sorry dude.”
But she brushes it off. “It’s okay. The loneliness will die down. I just gotta feel sorry for myself first.”
You rest a consoling hand on your shoulder. Before becoming exclusive with Eddie, you knew the feeling of rejection all too well.
“You’re welcome here anytime. Even if you just wanna talk. Girl to girl, we can even do a private room for an hour.”
Just then, Stephanie reaches into her bra and pulls out a twenty dollar bill with the smuggest look on her face.
“What about center stage? You tryna kiss it all better?”
You could’ve… and would’ve done it without the money. But knowing Eddie is in for the plot twist of his lifetime, you’ve rendered the deal priceless. Happily obliging, you accept the money Stephanie insists you take from her and extend your arms out.
“Bring it in, chica.”
It’s not what I’m used to. Just wanna try you on. I’m curious for you…
And then it happens. It starts with a timid smack of the lips to feel out both your comfort levels. The feeling of safety and trust propels you both further into realms of intensity you wouldn’t have thought of exploring with one another before. She tastes of cherry, with a hint of minty coconut.
You let out a satisfied hum. It registers as a vibration against her full, vivacious chest. Dancing your fingers in her wavy hair now, you pull her closer to your chest as your lips lock in tandem.
“WHEW!” you can hear Argyle shout all the way from the kitchen. “GAH DAMN!”
…I kissed a girl and I liked it. The taste of her cherry chapstick…
The uproar creates a chain reaction and soon all the gentlemen at Hellfire are hooting and hollering at the relatively unscripted act of affection in front of them. Soon, the money follows. Grinding your hips against her torso now, you chase the feeling of self-indulgence as you unravel yourself onto Stephanie. Right in time for Eddie to see.
I kissed a girl just to try it. I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it.
Floored, confused, and just a tad aroused, your man stands at the foot of Vecna’s Lair with his hands curling at his sides.
It felt so wrong. It felt so right. Don’t mean I’m in love tonight.
His stiff cock protrudes at the posterior ends of his zipper, boxer briefs shamefully laced with the salty spouts of his leaky tip. Fuck, he’s so hard. But still, oh so very pissed.
I kissed a girl and I liked it. I liked it.
Standing where you knew he’d be, you shoot him a wink, letting him know that you’re well aware of his foiled plan. And after you and Stephanie thank one another for each other’s time, you prance off to the dressing room with mountains of bills in your hands.
———
“You think Eddie’s gonna like this green set?”
There’s an itch to burn the cash you got tonight, so you find yourself browsing the internet for lingerie on your phone.
“Oooh,” Nina coos in approval. “Yes girl. You’re gonna look like a sexy dragon of sorts.”
“Mm. And what about this g-string?”
“Yes, get it. I have the same one and it’s so flattering and comfortable. Look!”
Just then the door shoots open.
“Eddie, what the hell?!” Nina shrieks, quickly donning her cloak to cover up. “Knocking, fucker. Ever heard of it?”
You turn towards the entrance to find your flustered man at the door, scowling at you briefly before turning to apologize to Nina.
“Sorry, Neens,” his gaze softens sincerely. But Nina is already storming out. “I was dumb for that.”
“Yeah, no kidding,” you tsk.
You two wait until your colleague is out of range to engage in what you both know is about to be some pretty reckless behavior. When all is clear, Eddie wastes no time, pouncing on you, pinning you by the wrists to the drawer of your vanity, leaving love bites at the crook of your neck just keen enough to draw blood.
Pathetically, you love it. Your dripping cunt swells for the intensity — the fury of his rough hands — the vampiric blows to your hot pulse points — the rugged buckling of his hips as he digs his claws into the tender indents of yours.
“Eddie…” you whimper.
“This familiar?” he demands between breaths.
“Rings a bell,” you muster, tracing his large display of excitement with your trembling palm. “Though it seems like you don’t necessarily…have a problem with it.”
A sinister laugh escapes his throat.
Eddie huffs. “Think you can be a smart aleck with me without repercussions?”
As swift as they come, Eddie flips you around, easing you safely onto the desk portion of your vanity by the your neck. You squirm around like a brat, whining and kicking at him with your heels in playful retaliation. His fingertips then tightly enclose around your thin lacy bralette, causing a minor tear of the sparkly chrome fabric.
Too far. Grabbing him by the wrist, you eye him in disapproval.
“Eds!” you hiss at him, seriously this time.
“You’re buying new sets anyways,” he shrugs indifferently. “You know, with the money you got for being a needy little slut.”
You issue a low grumble as Eddie sinks his body atop the small of your back. The softness in Eddie returns again when he presses delicate kisses around the tip of your chin.
“Mine, remember?”
He spins you around again, ordering you to your knees with an authoritative snap. You oblige a little too quickly, but you don’t care. You’re at the mercy of him tonight and always.
“Yours…” you breathe, knowing he’s about to fuck you and your mouth to spit and tears. “Yours only…”
He smirks, satisfied with himself. You bite your lip eagerly as you watch the King of Hellfire — and your heart — unbuckle his belt, ushering his pants down to line his pulsing cock up against your lips. Desperate for more already, your tongue peaks out to say hello. The deep lines of his snarky face concave further.
“Pucker up, sweetheart.”
💞 valentine’s divider by @saradika-graphics 💞
happy valentine’s day, sweethearts 💌
tag list: @chrrymunson , @the-fairy-anon , @ali-r3n , @corrodedcoffincumslut , @bebe07011 , @mmunson86 , @eddiesguitarskills , @chelebelletx , @imonhereforareasonsadly , @eddies-trailer-babe @mediocredreams , @motherfckerr , @jxpsi , @lindseyj23, @sidthedollface2 , @manda-panda-monium , @elvendria , @micheledawn1975 , @hereforshmut , @siriuslysmoking , @nymphetkoo , @m-chmcl-rmnc , @justinelittlewoodsworld , @ahoyyharrington , @keepittoyourselftellnobodyelse @kellyxo1 @emsgoodthinkin @winchester-angel @chloe-6123 , @redbarn1995 @angietherose @kiyastrf94 , @purplewitchcauldron @kellsck @joyfulfxckery @munsons-mayhem28 @dragonfire @emma77645 @drivelikenina @livosssblog @thinkingth0ts @hugdealer @ellielunamckay
#em💐#maddy’s requests 🍸#maddy’s mailbox ✨#maddy’s moots#call me what you want#eddie munson blurb#eddie munson one shot#eddie munson drabble#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x fem!reader#joseph quinn#eddie munson#stranger things#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson fanfiction#joe quinn#dom!eddie munson#dom!eddie
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You get them a cat HC's
Featuring Mihawk, Shanks, Buggy and Kuro!
Warnings: None.
Notes: GN! Reader
A/N: I just needed to get this silly little idea out of my head!
"Oh? Well, I guess another one won't hurt."
Turns out his castle is a refuge for all kinds of animals. He's taking care of injured or abandoned beings of all sort.
Let's be honest, his personality has a lot of a feral cat as well. You find the similarities hilarious, while he still can't see it.
One time you walked in on him petting it - one of the rare occasions you ever saw him smile.
Loves when the cat sits on his lap while he's in his armchair by the fire, sipping on a glass of wine. An adorable image, and his favourite kind of self-care.
It will rub itself against his beard all the time. Who can blame it?
Needs at least one new outfit a week since the cat will always wreck the feather of his hat or scratch his leather clothes.
Talks to it with a way higher voice than usually, and yes, he does babytalk.
-><--><--><--><-
"Great idea! I actually thought about getting a mascot for the crew anyways."
This man is like a Disney Princess. Just gives off a vibe that makes an animal automatically love him.
Is pretty chill about standard annoying cat behavior. This pet will be misbehaving a lot since he just takes everything with a smile. Can't really be mad at all.
It will probably have a standard seat on his shoulder and loves hiding under his cape.
Always buys snacks when he's on land and even shares his meal with it.
Talks about the cat as if it's an actual person, and talks a lot. Literally his new bestie, you're almost jealous.
This animal has seen some shit. He'll definetly not go anywhere without it and do some weird party tricks when drunk.
Would protect it with his life, certainly.
Poor guy is actually a lil' bit allergic, but endures for your and it's sake.
-><--><--><--><-
"...fine. But if it goes anywhere near my stuff I'll throw it overboard!"
Will have a full blown rant about how cats are ungrateful and illoyal little shits.
Isn't actually an animal person in general. Especially cats and dogs are a little too fascinated with his nose for his liking - it looks like a toy, after all.
It follows him around despite his best efforts not to. He gets used to it quickly however and starts talking to it. It helps him get his thoughts in order, actually.
Lets you keep it in the end because this man just can't say no to any of your wishes. Won't admit it though, probably says it's because they're useful to catch mice on the ship or something.
Throws a tantrum at least once a day, especially when the cat got anywhere near his maps.
Unsuccessfully tries to teach it any tricks for them to participate in the circus.
Is often caught juggling for it and acts like the cat just happened to be there while he was practicing.
It's an open secret that he adores this animal. It's also the only one allowed to sit on his throne besides him.
-><--><--><--><-
"...what an astonishing creature, indeed."
It takes everything in this man to not drop the facade.
Wants to keep it so badly but hesistantly talks about hygiene and how the cat's presence may negatively affect Kaya's health.
He's actually the most skilled when it comes to properly train those stubborn creatures.
Anyways, he still will get scratched and hissed at. It breaks his heart.
Indulges it as good as he can. Only the best food, it's own room in the mansion and always new toys.
Always nerds out some biological or historical facts about those animals.
Loves to absentmindedly stroke it's fur whenever it sits on his lap. Looks like a Bond villain when doing so.
#one piece#buggy x reader#shanks x reader#mihawk x reader#kuro x reader#headcanons#writing#self insert#dracule mihawk#buggy d clown#shanks#captain kuro
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Slashers x Quarantine sick S/o
Includes:Stu Macher,Billy Loomis,Jason Voorhees,Micheal Myers,Hannibal Lector(series),Thomas Hewitt
Stu Macher
Sad
He sits by your door because he misses you and he calls you on FaceTime almost all day everyday (I mean he’s pretty clingy)
He kinda doesn’t mind it because he doesn’t have to lie to you about leaving with billy late at night anymore to do some killing
He makes sure you eat good. Anything you want to eat you can have. Take out is a good option since Stu can’t cook for his life-
When you go to shower he sanitizes your room down “Stu you can’t be in here” you say as you stand in the bedroom door way with your mask on. “I when I clean the room you get better faster”
He sneaks into your room at night putting on his mask and cuddles you because he can’t sleep with out you
He ended up getting sick💀 now your taking care of him-
Billy Loomis
Billy sleeps in the living room making sure he stays the hell away from you.
“I love you baby yes but what use I am for you if I get sick too?” He looked at you as you faced time him “I would be taking care of you if you was sick” you frowned “listen- I’m taking care of you I am just being careful”
He’s honestly scared of the Covid- he told you to still be careful even tho it’s “declared over”. He didn’t believe it and he was right. He still wears his mask out.
“I’m hungry” you texted billy. He looked and responded “I made you something it’s at the door”. You opened it and seen a bowl of soup in a paper bowl with a plastic spoon “jee thanks-“ you pick it up and go into the room
After you “felt better” he took you to get checked then it was true you didn’t have it no more but he quarantined you for one more day then let you out.
“You are overreacting-“ you watched him as he bleached almost all the room down “this is gonna kill them” he mutters as he scrubs.
It took billy a minute to let you kiss him and even cuddle with him- he’s just so sweet.
Jason Voorhees
Jason feels bad
He doesn’t understand what’s going on but knows your sick
He tries his best to take care of you but it isn’t working and you have to explain to him you just need to quarantine for alittle
Being alone for him is frightening and sad
He decides to find someone that’s on the camp grounds and he drags them to the house so you can get token care of
The person had no choice and the person care of you
“Jason. Why would you do that” you look at him slightly upset but you knew he meant no harm. He looked at you as he looked away grunting at the person to hurry up and make your food faster
Micheal Myers
He doesn’t do anything
He basically stays out your way letting you go in the kitchen and what not. With your mask on ofcourse
“Micheal I need-“ Michael sits down bags of groceries as he backs up staring at you
You raise your eyebrow seeing blood on the bag as you look at him then open the bag seeing new food and drinks and medicine. “Where did you get this?” You ask pulling the things out then looking at him
He looked at you then simply walks away
You shrug and smile as you make you and Michael some food
He does supply you when you need it but most of the time he isn’t there so don’t really expect him to help you that much
Hannibal Lector
Best supporter in my opinion
He definitely takes care of you
He makes sure you’ve eaten drinked enough water take your meds etc.
He took time off his job and doing the FBI cases with will just to take care of you
He does care about your mental health a lot so he makes sure to face time you and have a talk with you for a hour or so
“How are you doing darling?” He asked gently, “like shit. I can’t sleep” “I’ll stay on the phone if that will help you?” You smile and nod as you lay back down
After you ended up overcoming this sickness Hannibal sanitized the room and replaced all of your hygiene equipment you used (like toothbrush toothpaste body brush etc.)
Thomas Hewitt
Tommy had alittle experience with taking care of a sick person. He had to take care of his momma before
Therefore he knew what to do and what not to do
He stayed away letting you quarantine in his room as he and momma made you food.
Momma went to get your meds while Tommy stayed home to make sure you had everything you needed
He’s a sweet boy. He draws for you like pictures of you or the pig you both are raising. He’s just a cute boy :((
#slasher x reader#slashers x reader#slasher headcanons#slashers#slasher x you#slasher fucker#stu macher imagine#stu macher x you#stu macher fluff#stu macher#billy loomis#billy loomis x you#billy loomis x reader#jason vorhees x reader#jason vorhees x you#jason voorhees#micheal myers#micheal myers x reader#hannibal nbc#hannibaledit#hannibal lecter#save hannibal#thomas hewitt#thomas hewitt x reader#x reader
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The first time I ever heard the phrase “pick your battles” was when I was about 12 years old in eight grade. The grade above us was filled with kids who drank and smoked and did drugs and the grade below us was filled with kids having sex in public bathrooms and somehow we were stuck in the middle, reaping the restrictions put on us for crimes we didn’t commit. One of these being that we were not allowed any personal bags in our wing.
Now, if you’re like me, you carry a *lot* of shit. I mean, there’s textbooks, reading books, food, water, phone, pens and pencils, an eraser that actually works, FeMiNiNe hYgIeNe pRoDuCtS, and idk? Random other shit? Too much to reasonably carry from class to class in your arms and pockets.
So my friends and I wore bags. Purses, if you will, though I hated that term because it was a bit too girly for me, and my “purses” came from the military surplus store. In fact, I still have the last one I got from there. Regardless, my point being that we wore personal bags to carry our shit in.
Except that wasn’t allowed because kids *before* us would sneak their alcohol and shit with them in bags.
Now, nowhere in the handbook did it say we weren’t allowed to have bags- trust me, we checked. Our parents helped us take up the cause- us being me and my 2 friends. But our teachers collectively decided we were not allowed to have them in our wing, they had to stay in our lockers. And so we asked: how them are we to transport them outside of our wing if our lockers are in said wing. If we can’t have them in the hallway how can we have them outside the hallway if we have to store them in the lockers in this hallway.
One day my teacher who had a soft spot for us pulled me aside. He told me he knew that I was on a campaign against this, but that sometimes we need to pick our battles. I had never heard of this phrase, so I sat on it for about .5 seconds before saying “then I’m going to pick this battle and continue fighting it.”
I understand now what he means though. We can’t change everything that we want to. There are so many causes out there, so many things that we should be aware of. But we’ll burn ourselves out trying to take them all on ourselves. It’s been said before to pick a few causes you really feel passionate about and focus on those because you can do more for change when you aren’t stretched out thin.
Beyond that, though, I think we need to pick and choose our battles because realistically there are not just things we can win, and at the end of the day some things *are* more important than others.
We live in a surveillance state. That’s clear in a lot of countries, including the US, but that’s clear on a global level. While this sucks, at least here in the US, it really seems like not enough people care to fight it. Hell, people are actively bringing surveillance devices into their homes in the name of convenience. Realistically, overturning our surveillance state doesn’t seem likely. While it’s a battle that’s noble to fight, it’s probably in vain.
But think about when Roe v Wade was overturned. How much outrage it caused. How much outrage it’s still causing. Enough people are fighting that there is hope to rectify it, I think. And when it comes down to it, if you have to pick a battle to “not be surveilled” or to “legalize life-saving medical treatment (again)” one of those seems a lot more pressing and important than the other.
It’s okay to personally put causes on the back burner. It’s okay to not reblog every single “awareness” or “woke” post you see. You’re not obligated to fight every fight. Even just reblogged activism post after activism post can be draining. It’s okay to take a step back, take a break. Don’t forget about these struggles. Keep them in the back of your mind. Maybe go back and reblog them later. But don’t burn yourself out fighting too many battles, especially if they’re losing one. Focus on a few, solid, tangible changes you can make: being kind to strangers; donating goods, services, and money; volunteering; teaching children; etc. and if you have the energy go above and beyond that. You can make a difference just by being kind. You don’t have to fix every single problem. But together we can fix a few at a time.
#long post#tl;dr there are some issues that the majority doesn’t care about enough to make real change and a few people won’t cut it#focus on what’s most important both to you and overall#it’s okay if you aren’t blowing up police buildings you can just be kind and that’s enough#personal
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Vi Headcanons: dating f!reader at Stillwater
➼ Yes I am breaking my rule of no f!reader because I wanted to write for Vi so bad. So I'm gonna set a new precedent now: I'll write f!reader IF it is a wlw fic/headcanons/whatever. Though this is more of just a lil treat since the brainrot is rotting
➼ Might end up turning this into a full fic, if you want that let me know! (It did! Here's part two)
➼ No beta we die like Sky
➼ Warnings: None!
GIF does not belong to me! All credits to the owner
Whenever there is free time, Vi is at your side. You two usually find some corner away from the others to try and get away, pretend you two can have a moment to yourselves
She's always giving you her food, you don't even need to ask. She'll happily let you pick at her plate if you're still hungry or you haven't eaten in a while due to lockdown
You're lucky enough to only be two cells away from each other, you two often get in trouble for talking during lights out
If you're ever in trouble, Vi takes the beatings for you. She can and has thrown herself between you and a guard and is not afraid to do it again
Same obviously goes for inmates
"If you want to keep your tongue in your mouth, I suggest you leave her alone"
Though not many inmates mess with you considering your personal body guard of a girlfriend
If you're ever thrown into solitary, Vi goes crazy. Getting into more fights than usual, refusing food, even trying to break into solitary to be with you
If you want, she gives you both matching tattoos there with whatever device she can get her hands on. She lets you pick out the design and the placement
Anytime she gets clean clothes, bandages, and hygiene supplies (all of which are of course a rarity there), she uses them/gives them to you first. Bandages up any new cuts of yours or changes your dirty ones, gives you her new toothbrush and toothpaste, and so on. You'll have to fight her on at least sharing some of the items, like the new tube of toothpaste. She just wants to make sure you're taken care of
"Just scored a new hairbrush. Go ahead and take it, bun. Need to keep your hair brushed so I can play with it, yeah?"
Vi cuts your hair for you there and takes it super seriously. She's not gonna let you walk around with a shitty haircut
Though she did fuck it up once (or a few times, but they were smaller mistakes that were easy to hide)
To make up for that godawful haircut she gave herself a bad one too. It's just hair, after all, it grows back
She'll stand guard while you're showering. Make sure no one's gaze is lingering around on you. Also lets you shower first so if there is any hot water you'll get it
Vi is a portable bed for you. Whenever you're together and you want to rest, she'll try to find a quieter place and let you rest your head on her shoulder/in her lap. She plays with your hair while you're sleeping and checks your pulse every now and then. Just to make sure you're still there with her
Whenever you get sick there, she will make the biggest fuss to get you to medical. If that isn't an option Vi does her best to take care of you with the limited resources you both have
"Snuck a bit of that honey from breakfast. Try and cover your throat in that and don't worry about talking, okay Y/N?"
During bunk inspections, if you have any contraband, Vi takes it and hides it in her cell. She rarely ever gets caught with it, but she'd rather take the punches than have you on the receiving end of them
On the flipside Vi trades a lot of her own contraband to get things for you. Things like snacks, jewelry, hair dye, better clothes, anything other inmates have that you might want
Though if trading for those doesn't work, she will straight up steal them for you
When Caitlyn comes to release her for help with tracking down the stolen gemstone, she throws in a condition. An obvious one
"You're getting Y/N out too. That or you can try to find Silco on your own. Undercity is going to eat you alive without me"
And that's how you and your lover finally escape Stillwater
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Gimme a Kabru for the ask meme
Ahhhh hi I'm still doing this I will finish them let's go
Kabru!!
First impression
Once again gonna go for a pre-reading impression, bc honestly I really think the fandom osmosis impression I got was so off imho. So, Kabru first impression:
what if there was a hater. in the dungeon. :0
Impression now
I LOVE HIM... He's constantly agonizing over everything he does and the impact it could have and the big picture and its gonna burn him out completely someday if he doesn't slow down and realize he's allowed to live for himself sometimes. In a story chock full of survivor's guilt he is Mister Survivor's Guilt. He feels like he needs to do something to earn his existence, and that's such a heavy burden he has put on himself. Ough.
Favorite moment
There are a ton of little parts from the story that I love, but I actually want to highlight this bit from one of the Adventurer's Bible comics that lives with me:
I don't know, there's just something... something about it. Allowing Mithrun the privacy of his own story is such a strange kindness. Who else but Kabru could have thought to provide it?
Kabru, who wears Utaya across his shoulders everywhere he goes, but also never shares much about his mom, his food, the things he misses from Utaya. Or the superstitions about his eye color, and the ways that even the place he misses most wasn't always a kind home to him. Kabru, who has learned exactly how to cut up the piece of his own story in order to be able to hold the weight of them all and do the things he needs to do.
Kabru looks at Mithrun, someone who doesn't have the ability to care for himself, and provides this service to him. Offers him privacy. Privacy. The people around Mithrun have cared for him for years, but who has given him this?? Food, sleep, water, basic hygiene... but Mithrun deserves dignities beyond that too, even if he isn't able to ask for them.
And Kabru takes his eye for creating palatable stories, which he has often used to make himself fit in or force himself through unpleasant things, and uses it to help Mithrun in a way that no one else had.
Idea for a story
I don't have anything super specific here, just a GREAT DESIRE for post-canon Kabru stuff. I want to see him and Marcille become friends. I want to see him struggle to figure himself out now that his driving motive has been resolved. I want to see him forced to consider that he can't always do things for the Bigger Picture. I want to see how his relationships with his party members change. I want to see the adventures of the Laios - Marcille - Kabru trio. Pleaaaaaaase
Unpopular opinion
He's not just a hater in a dungeon.......
Like for sure his feelings about Laios are complicated and boy can they include Haterism, but also he is like the only person who vouches for Laios at certain points. Kabru intentionally chooses to have faith in him at several key moments, and the ending of the story hinges upon that faith.
I think he's got a very black and white way of looking at things sometimes, and he likes to be in control. This is where the haterism can come in.
BUT there's so much more than just that to him. Kabru is an extremely caring person in general. He notices details about people and often uses those observations to care for them - Mithrun in the example above, for instance, or the way that he thinks about how hard it would be for Rin to go back to the elves when considering whether to hand the dungeon over to them. He has a strong sense of justice. He is loyal to his promises.
I just wish those elements of his personality were given more significance in the fandom :/
Favorite relationship
Gotta go with him and Mithrun here. They bring out such interesting sides to each other. Some of my favorite moments are them surviving in the dungeon together, and of course that comic is one of my fave moments. The way Kabru understands him and continually chooses to use that understanding to provide kindness and support to Mithrun... it's good.
But also I think that Mithrun gets to a core part of Kabru that Kabru usually tries to keep hidden. Some part of the survivor's guilt, I think... the way Kabru is driven by a sense of obligation to a thing he Cannot Ever Bring Back.
They both pull something out of the other that no one else does, at least over the course of the story.
Favorite headcanon
Hmmmmm... does "he and Marcille will be besties someday" count? I think it counts. I love the idea of them being gossip-heads.
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Melons 🍉
[Information on the global strike, boycotts, donations, education, etc are all under the cut. Will possibly update the post to add more information]
A global strike is still on going so please use that opportunity to do much as you can during the strike such as educating yourself on Palestine, boycotting companies, brands and celebrities that supports the genocide, signing petitions, donating to organizations that aid Palestine, etc.
Decolonize Palestine is a good website to start educating yourself and learn about Palestine as it outlines everything you need to know.
BDS Movement is a movement to instruct people to boycott brands and companies that support the genocide
Organizations that directly donates to the Palestine cause such as Care for Gaza, Gaza Direct Aid, Pious Projects, The PCRF, PRCS, MSF, Anera, etc
You can still do daily clicks with arab.org to fund in the aid but it’s highly encouraged to donate to the organizations that directly fund to Palestine such as the one I mentioned previously
E-sims such as Simly, Nomad and Holafly to donate to Gaza. Right now, Nomad and Holafly are highly requested e-Sims needed for Gaza to connect to the telecommunications
Follow Palestinian people, journalists and the news outlet to get updates on what is happening in Palestine and the neighboring countries.
(Please note that some Palestinian journalists listed above could be martyrs as the list was made)
You can get more info on my Twitter post as I regularly add related posts from other people on Twitter
#AidenKnow#My Art#Digital Art#Free Palestine#Global Strike#Strike for Gaza#Strike for Palestine#Ceasefire NOW#Ceasefire for Gaza#Ceasefire Gaza#Save Gaza#Save Palestine#Signal Boost#OFF#OFF (Game)#OFF Game#OFF Fangame#CSRVerse#UNLOAD#UNLOAD (OFF Fangame)#Zinzolino#Zinzolino (CSRVerse)#Zinzolino (UNLOAD)
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Crochet Patterns for Palestine
Making a new post for this; I'll still accept donation receipts from all organizations linked on the previous version of this post, but my focus has shifted and/or concentrated somewhat.
[Alt]
This crochet pattern is for small cats, of a good size to make into keychains, magnets, or even hair clips! There are six PDF versions available:
- US stitch names in 12 point Atkinson Hyperlegible
- US stitch names in 22 point Atkinson Hyperlegible
- US stitch names in 22 point Comic Sans
- UK stitch names in 12 point Atkinson Hyperlegible
- UK stitch names in 22 point Atkinson Hyperlegible
- UK stitch names in 22 point Comic Sans
Between those six options, that should cover most pattern accessibility needs. If you need something else, though, let me know! I’m prepared to offer a .doc or similar file on an individual basis if you need a screenreader to access crochet patterns, and have a sheet I can use to translate things to German stitch terms (though more in-depth instructions would still be in English). The pattern is worked primarily in (US) single crochet/(UK) double crochet, with the ears in (US) double crochet/(UK) treble crochet popcorn stitches, and is bundled with similar file options of a popcorn stitch tutorial PDF (no stitch names used).
“Socchan,” you say, “These cats are super cute! And you said that this pattern is for charity? How does that work exactly?”
I’m glad you asked! Simply donate a minimum of $3 or close-enough local equivalent to a related charity, then take a screencap of your receipt/proof of donation. Block out any information that could doxx you; it’s nice if you trust me, but it’s not impossible that my email could get hacked, and I want you to be safe! Finally, email the altered screencap to socchan (at) protonmail (dot) com.
Once I get and check the screencap, I will email you back with a password-locked zipped folder of all six files, as well as the password. I will do my best to respond to all emails within two days of receiving them. Please be respectful of both my work and this donation incentive and don't upload the patterns elsewhere!
As a bonus, if you take your donation up to at least $5 (or close-enough local equivalent), I’ll throw in an additional link and password for a very cute little flower pattern!
[Alt]
“That sounds pretty easy,” you go on to say, “but where should I donate? There are so many options to choose from!”
No problem! Check out Operation Olive Branch: A spreadsheet collecting lots and lots of links to fundraisers in Palestine.
Too much information to sort through? Here are some good general options:
Palestine Children’s Relief Fund - Focuses on medical aid to children in Palestine
Medical Aid for Palestine - “[H]elp MAP respond to the ongoing emergency in Gaza, as well as provide medical supplies, support healthcare services and deliver long term development to healthcare in the occupied Palestinian territory and Palestinian refugee camps in Lebanon.” MAP reportedly has a team on the ground in Gaza, providing critical medical aid.
Anera - Providing food, hygiene kits, and medical care in Gaza, the West Bank, and East Jerusalem.
Palestine Red Crescent - More medical support in Palestine; the rest of the webpage is in Arabic, so be prepared if you want to click around at all. Basically the Palestinian Red Cross.
Crips for eSims for Gaza - This organization is raising money to buy eSims in bulk, to help Palestinians in Gaza to communicate with the outside world.
Help Gaza Children - Organized in part by Tumblrite @fairuzfan, Help Gaza Children provides food and toys to children in Gaza, feeding bodies and hearts.
"Socchan," you say, "I heard about this other person who is offering something else in exchange for proof of donation to Palestine-related charities. If I make a donation to get a drawing of a dragon, or some neat music, or a book of international vegan recipes, or something else I've found, is it okay if I also use that same donation or purchase to get a crochet pattern or two?"
Absolutely! What matters to me is that the people of Palestine get the aid they need. One of the reasons I made my minimum donation request so low is because I know that money is tight for a lot of people right now; even small donations are still very welcome to many of these organizations, and I understand if you need to make your money stretch as far as it can.
Thank you so much for reading this far! Please consider boosting this post, so it can reach more crocheters and crocheter-adjascent people.
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man, I get confused when I see headcanons and such about Dongsik being like a guide for Joowon on "how to be a person", and supporting him with his mental health and such and being this stable experienced, calm mentor figure.
I'm not saying that Dongsik is not going to be supporting Joowon, but the only stable thing about that man is his love.
I think that when it comes to supporting the other's mental health, Joowon is going to be doing the heavy lifting.
Like, in series, Joowon is basically "okay", when judging the stability of someone's mental health, the foundational, immediate appraisal includes things like "sleep", "hygiene", "food intake", "emotional stability", and "ability to take care of one's home".
The most glaring problem with Joowon is that he has very little support - this issue is resolved during the show, although Joowon has to learn that it has in fact been solved, which is probably a bit difficult to get used to.
Dongsik on the other hand shows worrying behaviour in basically everything that I just listed, and although he has people who love him, he doesn't let them help him (although he has hopefully become a bit better about this in the end)
We see that Dongsik can't sleep, and while I don't think he stops showering he definitely shows very little care with his clothing (until he finds Yuyeon, notably) and particularly lets himself go regarding hair and shaving after Minjeung dies. He has a lot of experience with not eating, and he seems to maybe rely a little bit too heavily on instant noodles for an adult with a fulltime job and - well, we have all seen his house.
I don't think I have to describe just how emotionally unstable he is in the show, in one interview I saw it described as "flying from one extreme to the other". He also decribes himself as "ruined" and "a total wreck" - definitely leading the mind to more than just mild depression.
He also clearly doesn't value himself. When we see him give away his shoes and holdan umbrella over another person's head in the pouring rain - that is an excellent showcase of his selflessness and kindness, but a harsher light shines on this scene when we learn that he did that for 12 hours. in autumn. That is not healthy behaviour - at least call someone to bring you another umbrella and pair of shoes?? or someone else can come and hold the goddamn umbrella. We also see him help Bang Juseon's family - even though he is treated so harshly. And he still tries to stay cheerful and he certainly doesn't complain. And he still buys the new lock? and presumeably puts it up.
And later on, when the restaurant lady throws salt on him - which is apparently a ritual done to "ward of evil" - he says something like "ma'am, why would you waste your precious salt on someone like me?" Dongsik, please value yourself, just a little.
that isn't to say that he doesn't have good or bad periods - the show really makes a point of how important it is to share a meal with those you love, and we do see him cleanshaven and with a haircut at the end.
But Dongsik has been living like that for 20 years, it is not just going to go away, and there is definitely a reason that the director suggested that Dongsik should commit suicide - but in the end it was agreed that it would be a stronger and more responsible ending to show the power of love and how it can help someone through the tough times.
So my point here is that Dongsik is just, insanely traumatised, even in the beginning of the show, and then it just.... piles on. like it is wild - by the time he found Yuyeon in the fucking wall, I said out loud to myself, "Isn't this a bit much?", and then it kept going even more lol.
And that trauma has shaped him as a person, and I still hold the belief that Dongsik lacks many of the experiences that you expect from a 40 year old man - no one can convince me that he has ever been in a relationship, or that he has a lot of sexual experience.
Furthermore, I see a lot of people say that Joowon has arrested development, but I would acutally argue that there is a stronger case for that with Dongsik. Joowon is emotionally closed off and doesn't seem to realise how lonely he is or how sheltered, but other than that he is fully functional.
Severe trauma is known to fuck with the brain, also regarding developement, and I think Dongsik was hit hard. I am going to copy and paste a little from another post I wrote, so forgive me if you have already read this:
"He has a lot of scenes where he just seems weirdly young, a stand out example to me, is when he's crying as he interrogates Nam Sangbae, while Sangbae praises him for working hard - and then the way he wipes his tears.
Also interesting that between Joowon and Dongsik, it is Dongsik who has a prominent father figure in his life - who picks him up from the police station (Dongsik even complaining to him that he is not a kid), making sure he eats and just generally taking care of him, as seen in the period after Sangyeob's death."
I want to add emphasis on the role that Sangbae plays in Dongsik's life - Only Dongsik's behaviour towards Minjeung (described as being a mother and half a father), comes close to the way Sangbae acts towards Dongsik. Even though he should be fully capable of taking care of himself at his age.
According to the script book, Sangbae's very last thoughts are about Dongsik and how he would have to "break down alone"- and he refers to him as "pitiful" and essentially tries to grab onto Joowon's hand because he knows his death will break Dongsik, and not necessarily because he really wants to live.
And on that note, I find it fascinating how much Joowon slides into the role that Sangbae left behind - not entirely of course, Joowon doesn't take on an authority role. But he does take on a caretaker role.
Sangbae laments the fact that Dongsik will have to break down alone because he, Sangbae, will be dead- but that isn't true, because Joowon holds him in his lap while he cries. and when Dongsik goes to the lake house, it is Joowon who picks him up and tells him to keep moving - mirrored by Sangbae going to Dongsik's house when Sangyeob died and telling him he had to live on.
Sangbae and Joowon really mirror each other regarding their role in Dongsik's life - Sangbae also lampshades this himself when he tells Joowon to stop pursuing Dongsik as a suspect and potentially ruin an innocent person's life - because that is exactly what Sangbae did. And after they individually finish tormenting Dongsik and realise their mistake, they decide that they will do anything for him - partly out of guilt, partly out of love.
But one major difference between Sangbae and Joowon is that Joowon didn't need someone to kick him in the butt to start moving - he does that on his own, without any prompting (also to the detriment of Sangbae, because Joowon at this point is still an idiot who thinks he is too good for help, and is too busy antagonising Dongsik instead of working with him)
I also think that this is the thematic reason for Joowon surviving and overcoming and growing to be a better person, while Sangbae has to die. Too little too late, he had 20 years to do something about the obvious corruption, Joowon had like, 2 months.
This once again meandered a looot and touched on a lot of different themes, but that is simply because it is all connected in my brain.
The main point is that Dongsik is not some emotionally healthy, stable and experienced mentor whom Joowon can look to for guidance - he is in fact severely fucked up. More so than Joowon, I would argue, partly because Dongsik simply went through a lot, but also because I think that Joowon is more resilient.
Joowon isn't so much in need of someone to help him function, as he is of someone who will always, always love him, completely and selflessly and unconditionally, who will serve as an "anchor" that he can always return to, and who will shown him patience when he messes up instead of throwing him away. And Dongsik is the perfect candidate for that, perhaps even partly because of his trauma.
I think that Dongsik is always going to be a bit off and maybe need a bit of extra support, and I think Joowon will always be haunted by guilt and by the shadows of his parents - but by their powers combined of Dongsik being made of love and forgiveness, and Joowon being a devoted, obsessive little freak about that old man, they will make it anyway and thrive.
Thank you for reading if you made it this far!
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Complex trauma and Angband Series: Hygiene
Angband World Building and Aftermath of Captivity Masterlist
Torture, especially in the deliberate and political sense is designed to eradicate the victim’s sense of self by, among other things, stripping away one’s basic physical needs (food, water, hygiene, rest,) and one’s basic emotional needs (safety, comfort, belonging, privacy, hope, and identity). It also seeks to damage the relationship that the victim has with these needs.
I have a specific post about privacy that will overlap with some of this
content warnings: general Angband warnings of Captivity and abuse, trauma after torture, etc
Hygiene in Angband is very minimal. The slaves who work in the mines and forges are afforded very little supplies for washing, perhaps a few cloths and run off water if any can be saved and hoarded. Again this is a combination of items sorted through prisoners who have been there for a long time and know what can be saved without punishment as well as supplies given by the overseers.
Prisoners who work in the fortress itself are sometimes allowed a bit more water to clean themselves, depending on where they work, how visible they are, and what role they primarily fulfill. Prisoners who are more clean are often the favorites of various higher-ups who have a vested interest in their appearance or who use access to supplies as coercive ‘rewards’ and thus cleanliness rather than the opposite becomes stigmatized in many ways. This will have more detail on my post about the elves of the upper levels.
Sauron’s personal servants of course have a high standard of hygiene as do the elven healers.
Among the small population of human slaves, diseases of poor water, food, and crowded conditions are common There are certain afflictions even the elves are not entirely immune to. There are healers among them but they too have little supplies and must improvise (and yes I have many ideas for how mushrooms, evil herbs, algae, and other Angband possible ingredients could be implemented)
Access to a proper toilet is also next to nonexistent in much of the fortress. Some of the cells have a bucket but it’s not a priority among the elven prisoners. The slaves in the mines often have nothing while they work and in the forges it’s only marginally better (if only because urine is potentially reactive to some of the substances there). This is consistently demoralizing and humiliating and the level of control over one’s bodily functions is frequently utilized for punishments and even games.
Only in the medical wings and among the personal prisoners of some higher ups is consistent access to a proper toilet the norm.
The effects of all of this are profound and long lasting. Inability to bathe not only is an exertion of control felt acutely by the prisoners, it also often relates to an inability to feel like oneself.
Following captivity, many struggle to integrate bathing and grooming into their routine. Some continue to associate beauty and cleanliness with its associations in Angband.
Just like with other activities it takes great will to make even seemingly simple decisions such as going to bathe. Many survivors of Angband experience a constant dread that they are out of place or will be caught out of place.
Not to mention other aspects of complex trauma such as depression and self image issues as well as physical symptoms like chronic pain can impact ability to care for oneself in this way.
My own headcanons regarding my case studies, Maedhros and Húrin (feel free to request more about this or other prisoners)
-In Angband, I do still enjoy the headcanon Maedhros is bathed primarily when he was presented for some public occasion in the beginning(even before the cliffs he is a trophy…) and it’s harrowing and mortifying and invasive and as much a form of abuse as anything else. Angband is talented at making even and especially the most simple things into a horrible ordeal. This isn’t a common occurrence but it was enough to have an effect on his view of himself
-After Angband baths are very vulnerable especially and he has to relearn his right to privacy and this relates with self image issues. His view of himself is fragmented and he does not recognize his reflection.
-It takes awhile before the image of someone clean and put together in clothes he chose begins to feel like his own.
-The severe physical consequences of his time on Thangorodrim make this harder in the beginning too
-Húrin cares very little for his appearance after his release though at times suffers sensory flashbacks that lead him to try to wash away phantom touches, sometimes to the point of opening old scars.
#the silmarillion#maedhros#Húrin#the children of húrin#musing and meta#in the iron hell#post Angband
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⚠️WARNING!
caution: Everything written on this blog is fictitious and written for fun. If you don't like it and if it contains a subject that you are sensitive to, I suggest you go out. Please heed the warning. Thank you for reading...
A.N : Thank you guys for all of your support Im actually writing this blog for fun and this is so much for me... As you can understand english is not my first language but thank you for your support and care ...
How would Ateez behave after care? pt2.
San : San may be very emotional after sex and want to talk to you a lot. He may have taken the precaution of cleaning by putting a few wet wipes on the nightstand beforehand. Maybe he even prepared water and snacks because he wants to talk a lot of deep topics with you. San will talk to you well until the morning and talk about the future, and he will want to look into your eyes as if to memorize it. He may ask you a lot of silly questions. Like, would you still love me if I was a worm (he actually does this just to annoy you) He's generally a sweet talker, and I think candid moments like this are more peaceful than taking a shower in the bathroom (please can all men take a sample from san?)
Mingi: In general, Mingi can be motherly to you and always ask you if you are okay. Even because of this, cleaning can be forgotten and he starts to suffocate you with nice compliments and wants to see you in return. After sex, he may be more than considerate and gentle, just like when you first had a girlfriend, he may be overly sensitive, and in your first sexes, he will most likely hug you and cry like a big baby with happiness because you value and trust him. In general, he becomes very possessive, emotional and protective after sex, he hugs you like a kuala all the time and doesn't let go until you say you can't breathe (he becomes a full rootstock.) Water and food are always ready, so you don't have to worry about this, but as a hygiene, when you are hugging each other,if you can't breathe and you say that you need to go to the bathroom, he probably won't let you go and tells you that it can be done in the morning so you can sleep with a hug until the morning... ( please don't insist, he may think you did it to get rid of him because he is too emotional.)
Wooyoung : Wooyoung is someone who can be a bit strict about sex if there is something that needs to be done and can give you some love later, if it's a bit rough he can apply cream after a bath and then hug you quietly and thoughtfully. Wooyoung is always outspoken and that is his love language. He can be very frank with the person he loves, especially sincerely, so when he is at the hottest part of sex, "Hmm, can't you just lie down like that? It's like I couldn't focus, baby :)''. When you're in the middle of sex. It's kind of weird, but it's wooyoung... When you wake up suddenly, wooyoung might say, "you look prettier than yesterday, wow," but don't ask if I was ugly yesterday because you might suddenly get the answer yes. But he'll definitely be very flirty after sex and maybe when he gets to take care of the serious part and relax and get a candid hug, he can make a lot of jokes and flirt with you... Just like high school sweethearts. The little giggles, the excitement as if it were the first of everything, the sweet compliments being said, the heartbeats heard from the outside, the sparkle in the eyes and more, wooyoung reminds me of these...
Jongho : Jongho would definitely be very possessive after sex. First of all, he would ask you a thousand times if you were okay, and after he was sure, he would definitely take you to the bathroom first thing and he could carry you in his arms because he didn't want to tire you out more. He'd give lots of compliments and officially become your maid. Jongho came to life to start a family, to experience love, to learn to love, and to understand what it feels like to be loved and compassionate. That's why he can hardly trust people and is very loyal in the relationship, he is the perfect father. (But he may not feel mature for this yet. He must learn love, compassion and intimacy first.) He needs to fully trust the person who will be their first, and he is also quite picky. He prepares a scenario for his loved ones to try many times and measures their reactions. Jongho is much smarter than you think... Anyway (if you have any questions about this, feel free to ask in the comments) If Jongho trusts you completely, he will do everything in his power just to show you your love and sincerity just to him. Just like he becomes your maid and will defend you anywhere, anytime no matter what. He likes it when you treat him like a baby... Please tell him you love him too and will never leave him side and promise he will be your slave...
#ateez#ateez writing#ateez mingi#ateez atiny#ateez smut#ateez imagines#ateez jongho#ateez jung wooyoung#ateez wooyoung#ateez fluff#fluff#kpop#mingi#jongho#wooyoung#ateez san#ateez scenarios#san
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@ozymoron HIIII YES I'D LOVE TO disclaimer this will be very all over the place also my mind is totally blanking rn bear with me (->🧸)
i don't usually write like cohesive headcanon lists also sorry that this took me like 3 weeks to get back to im sick in the head, also this will probably mostly just be a more comprehensive compilation of stuff i've already posted. also some miah too
biggest fucking hypermobile valeska truther
do i think he has a medical dx for whatever connective tissue disorder he has going on? absolutely not
his joints dislocate and pop whenever he strains anything too far, if anything i think he's a fan
never in his life would he use a mobility aid of any kind
you can't give him compression wear he'll lose his sparkle. (the sparkle in question being him popping his fingers in and out of their joints to freak people out)
plus just in the show he's always bending and moving constantly
he sits in chairs with his knees bunched up his legs folded over he spins in circles extends his arms
you can't convince me he doesn't sit at tables with his leg propped over his own shoulder
rip Jerome Valeska you would've loved bending over backwards across a table
and subsequently pulling something in your lower back that will continue to pop out of place and ache for the next like four years
again, probably not a huge issue i think he's a fan
i think that Miah is also hypermobile but like she's taking way better care of her body lets be real
compressive braces for her knees and elbows she's like fine
also the opposite end of the spectrum. the chronic aching is killing her. you however could not pay Jerome to take a tylenol
sleeping happens to him. rarely
honest to god i think the most hours of sleep he gets in gotham are when he's dead
when he does get any sleep he wakes up on the floor and with his feet like curled over his head
everything is where it definitely should not be
vague sounds of furniture moving around in arkham its just jerome moving in his sleep
a loud thunk followed by a sound similar to when birds ruffle up their feathers (he has a blanket wrapped around his body and folded over his face. he's stuck)
personally headcanon Jerome to have aspd, npd and bpd aswell :3c
i could go more into depth with that but its 9am. it's like basically canon though i think. like it has to be
his teeth are majorly fucked up (projecting)
his canines protrude up at the top of his gums he has a chipped front tooth and sharp molars (projecting) (i have a reference image. btw)
god knows his mother never took him to the dentist and you could not honestly try and convince me that he brushes his teeth
or does any form of self care for that matter
there's a reason his skin is so red during s4 his ass did not use any type of moisturizer after his face got cut off
alternatively i think he probably had alot of upkeep when he was under Galavan
free reign in a nice penthouse and he already stole the pajamas and weapons and food
he didn't get alot of nice things growing up, who wouldn't raid a rich dude's house and use all 57 of the soaps in the bathroom
he's making potions. and drinking them don't ask why his puke smells like winter candy apple
anyways. i think that's another contributor to him never really investing time in personal hygiene post getting murdered
reminders of Galavan make him nauseated why would he
he still has a scar on his neck, he probably doesn't remember all of it, he probably prefers it that way
Jerome was so crazy devoted to Galavan it makes me sick and i think we should talk about it more
nobody ever found out that he was behind the Maniax. nobody ever found out him killing Jerome was an act of betrayal. Jerome actively told his father that Galavn actually saw something in him, that Galavan believed he'd be a star
and he believed that !!!!! he would've gone to the ends of the earth for that man and he got killed by him the same fucking day
you can see the genuine admiration during s2, the constant need for approval and validation from him, the constant feeding into that need for approval and validation
the confusion when Galavan stabs him in the neck, his last words literally being him questioning everything he'd been promised before
idk. probably a pretty big contributor to Jerome becoming significantly more detached and unhinged post his resurrection, to him consistently needing to be the one in control of everything and everyone, even if it's under the guise of chaos
eye dee kay. like there's no way he didn't internalize Something after the Galavan thing
there's alot more sloppiness in his actions, alot of blind faith and drive to do things purely for attention and amusement pre getting murdered that just isn't there once he's revived
he still got a more impactful legacy out of it though so get fucked Theodore
uhhh i think he picks his skin alot. there's like a word for that i forgot what it is leave me alone
lip picker nail biter eyelash puller
if you don't let him use your pistol as a stim toy he's going to tear the top layer of his lips off
also canon but a box of crayons could've saved him
he's a drawer he's a colorer
did you see the inside of that fuckass claires diary let that boy make bad art for fun
would love the smell of gasoline i mean this in a negative way
for sure huffed enough markers to kill off the left side of his brain as a kid
turns his eyelids inside out bends his hand backwards
i think he just loves freaking people out via microdosing on body horror
ok that's all I'll definitely add to this though stay posted thanks for the ask
#sorry for she/her'ing jeremiah it will happen again#skyler posting#jerome valeska#gotham#gotham 2014#gotham hcs#some of these are kind of gross maybe fair warning
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Ok resharing my Sunshine Court predictions/wishful thinking with adding commentary after finishing it! I got 15/18 correct and some of the "wrong" ones just didn't have a chance to happen in book one so I'm pretty happy with myself
- Jean showers differently because of the water boarding trauma ✔️
- he dissociates A Lot ✔️
- chronic pain. Especially his hands. I feel like he has migraine attacks all the time too (me?? Projecting?? Never!) ✔️ : I'm sticking with yes on this one because he dissociates and is not present in his body a lot so he might not even realize how much he hurts/is just so use to it it's background noise (again me??? Projecting??)
- either hates the dark or needs it because he's so out of his depth and it's familiar ✔️
- I'm desperately hoping the Trojans don't hate him for being short with his responses and general demeanor. Please love this boy with all your hearts I'm begging ✔️
- Jean and Renee don't work out because she saved his life and he feels like he owes her or something similar. To quote Nora "she is not his answer and he isn't hers"✔️
- I know I said it back in November but the "love story" is Jean and learning that who is is isn't shameful. The love story is Jean and being alive (who/if he ends up with someone should be the least of our concerns. I just want him to be as close to happy as possible and healthy): not wrong but not right, yet. Waiting to see what happens in the 2nd one
- Jean is going to have absolutely no idea how to function in the world. Everything about his life has been scheduled and decided for him and now he has zero guidance and no one who knows what happened to him to help. Classes, books, food, travel, down time, clothing, hygiene stuff, hair cut. He has never been able to choose for himself before ✔️
- I know Jeremy knows the very very basics but nothing even remotely close to the truth and he is going to be SO far in over his head✔️
- idk what it will be but Jean finding a hobby that he genuinely loves will make me cry (everything is going to make me cry)✔️: I know this wasn't a prediction and I'm sure his actual hobby is going to be ceramics BUT Cat teaching him to cook and take care of himself and how to have a better relationship with food and him actually enjoying it made me want to cry
- if Jean doesn't have an eating disorder I will be shocked tbh ✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️
- starts some therapy with Bee or they at least try to have him talk to her before he leaves ✔️: thank god. Someone please help him
- I'd love some Jean and Neil friendship ✔️: well as close to friendship as they're going to get. I mean paying for someone's abuser to be killed is ride or die material
- I want him to have his own room where he can lock the door ✔️: even though he didn't want to be alone he still has it
- some form of Kevin, Andrew, Neil hanging out at Abby's because of the snippet we got of Jean watching Neil and Andrew. Maybe they take him to California (or Renee but I feel like Kevin might be insistent on taking him) ✔️
- So. Much. Kevin. Angst. Jean either never wants to talk to him again or calls him all the time because he is so lost and has no idea how to function as his own person ✔️
- Jean having major conflict over being bi because of the nest in general but mainly because of his sexual assault✔️
- Jean goes to Renee's for holiday break: glad this one didn't come true (I know we're still in the summer but still) and that he isnt in the dorms and has a home!!!
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