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#i also realized last night that i literally DESCRIBE CHARACTERS HAVING FEELINGS DIFFERENTLY NOW
hideyseek · 2 years
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11.16.2022
hmm i think i need to bully myself into not writing for a few days again… today’s writing session was SINGULARLY terrible, i feel like i am just slapping random character dynamics onto a story that may or may not fit them and ALSO none of the writing is beautiful or even functional, it’s just incredibly stilted words. grrrrrrrrr.
but it’s fine! how i feel about the project has almost zero correlation with how the project is going! just because i feel like i am plodding forward directionlessly does not mean that the project will constantly feel like this!
i’m worried that i’ve stopped writing linearly — not because there’s anything wrong with skipping around, but because i have yet to procure any evidence that when i do this i actually finish a coherent draft. well. this time it — OH MY GOD THE REASON I FELT LIKE SHIT THIS WHOLE DRAFTING SESSION TODAY IS BECAUSE I FUCKING STARTED WRITING A SCENE THAT ISN’T EVEN IN THIS ARC. because i knew i already had drafts of the rest of the scenes in this arc and momentarily it became more important to me to hit the completely arbitrary wordcount of 7.5k than to ACTUALLY WRITE THE STORY I AM TRYING TO WRITE. sigh… classic hidey brain move…
well ok, helpful realization. i think then… i’ll try to spend the rest of this month writing only when i really definitely WANT to, and try to spend those sessions revising the existing drafts of the last few scenes of this arc — i am making up the rules of this writing process myself! the goal is: work on this fic in a semi-structured way! there is LITERALLY NO RULE that says i have to fuck around and keep writing this fake “first draft”, or that eveything i write in this month needs to be the same like, “version” of the draft! there is no rule that says it!!!!!
maybe what i will need to do is put together a scene tracking document for this arc — i’ve seen a few other writers i follow do this so i kind of have a sense of what i’m looking for in it. just so i can kind of ease myself back into that bird’s-eye view of the arc that i need to be able to move to/from when revising. hmmm but that can be a next week problem!
but, yeah. the ACTUAL goal of this month is to have a more intuitive sense of what i’m trying to do in this first arc, and to have an understanding (or at least to have some notes) about plots and subplots that i’m opening up and progressing in this arc that i can use to tie the various arcs or whatever together. this goal is NOT “generate as many words as possible all in the same draft version until you hit your wordcount” NO NO NO!!! NO!!!!!!!!! *thwapping myself lovingly with a beanie baby* NO NO NO THE GOAL IS TO PRODUCE READABLE FIC! NOT JUST WORDS! yes when i am stuck or looking for where to take a scene! then this exploratory pantsing drafting is great! but IF I KNOW WHERE I’M TRYING TO GO!! i don’t need to waste my own time writing in circles just to generate draft material i know i’m not gonna want to read through! gAHHHHHHH
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Do you see the differences between the game and the novel Twisted Wonderland? I didn't notice much until I searched on Youtube, Novel Ace was ready to apologize to Yuu ( in this case Yuuya) for insulting, Malleus isn't our little sweet dragon boy but literally choking Yuuya ?!
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Yes, I do keep up with the differences between all official adaptations of TWST! This includes the light novel, which in my opinion has the most frequent and significant deviations from the game. It’s been very interesting to compare the two.
I don’t immediately comment on every change (of which there are many) I see unless specifically asked about it or I notice something pretty major. Some examples of the latter would be the like novels elaborating on Leona’s motives or Riddle’s flashback and the consequences of his actions.
I think this is facilitated by two factors: 1) the light novel format allowing for more space to expand on ideas and concepts, and 2) Yuuya is the most different Yuu we’re gotten. The game Yuu is very much a blank slate for players to project onto in order to easily immerse them in the story. Meanwhile, the manga Yuus tend to be the “helpful” types that move the story along in their own way. This is because the manga has limited space in the magazines they run in, so they need to keep things snappy and follow the main story pretty strictly. The light novel is able to stop and have the POV character reflect, doubt themselves, and refuse involvement because a medium that is inherently mostly words forces you to slow down and take in everything on the page. There’s no limit or demands of a book, so the events have much more time to “marinate”.
Personally, I really love a lot of the minor changes in the light novel. I feel they really flesh out the relationships between characters, particularly Yuuya and his friendship with Ace and Deuce. Ace actually has the guts to realize he was the one who fucked up and apologizes for being an ass. It’s so in line with the brutal honesty he dishes out it to others. Deuce stays up late into the night talking to Yuuya and makes them feel welcome because when was the last time he had done anything like this? Yuuya was always the loner back home, ignored by his classmates and feeling invisible. Now he has loyal friends who got his back and actively tell off mob students who sneer at his enrollment. Moments like this make me really care about their bond and make it more believable that they would trek halfway across Twisted Wonderland to come to Yuuya’s aid in the eventual book 4 of the novelization.
dbksbejwjwwhei The one thing that caught me off guard about your ask was the “Malleus chokes Yuuya” part, which I do not recall ever happening 😅 I went back into the light novel to cross reference just in case I had forgotten! I believe you’re referring to when Yuuya and Malleus first meet in book 2? In which case, I think there was reader misinterpretation involved.
What happens is that Malleus begins to introduce himself, then stops and says he permits Yuuya to pick a name for him. But Yuuya, feeling uncomfortable with the idea of nicknaming someone he just met, so he asks for Malleus’s actual name (something which game Yuu does not do). This incurs Malleus’s anger—“I have said no. Did you not hear me?” It is then that we get a few paragraphs describing how Yuuya goes “stiff”, a “briar-like tension seizes his body, making it impossible to move”, “fear [making his] heart race”, he “[forgets] to breathe” etc. (Fan translation by Yuurei!)
To me, that… doesn’t read as Malleus choking Yuuya, let alone laying a finger on him. It’s more like Yuuya is so consumed by fear that he finds himself entirely paralyzed and unable to argue back, so instead he submits and lets the subject drop. There’s no mention of Malleus “letting go” or anything either, just the fairy lights brightening again once his mood clears and he realizes Yuuya isn’t looking to defy him. It’s also important to note that, previously, the night in this scene was described as tranquil and pleasant—the emphasis is on how Malleus’s mood shifts the atmosphere and the “feeling” of the night.
So!! The “seizing” mentioned is NOT literal; a feeling could “seize” you too, coming in suddenly and with great power. This is a literary device known as personification, or giving a non-human object or action human-like qualities or skills. When used to describe the briar-like feeling, it’s also a simile, which is when you use “like” or “as” to compare two things.
… Besides, imagine Yuuya being choked out by someone during your first meeting and then no description of him freaking out?? And then still building a whole friendship based on this weird encounter??? Even though Yuuya has a history of catastrophizing and even thinks about Leona explicitly tearing his throat out just because of Leona’s powerful presence???? That just does not make sense. It also doesn’t make sense for Malleus’s character. Yes, he can lash out at people, but here it feels like he’s telegraphing his displeasure (via the atmosphere, similar to how his mood disrupts the weather) rather than resorting to a physical attack (or using magic to bind someone in place).
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the scent of a man 
(yes this is about BIlly’s cologne)
Alright, so last week I reblogged a post about Billy’s cologne after an impulse purchase of both items and since they have arrived and I’ve actually worn them each for an entire day, I feel ready to discuss them For Real. 
Firstly, I enjoy scents. I have a decent nose, and a minor talent for stringing words together. I am not, however, an expert on perfume-making. I am a novice at best. 
Also, in the interest of self-honesty, I will admit that I was initially enthusiastic about Aramis and more skeptical about the Paco Rabanne
These were both somehow exactly as described and very different from what I expected, and they both have a very strong, kind of cheap alcohol top note that thankfully disappears quickly after spray/application. And since fragrance involves chemistry, the scent will also change depending on your own body chemistry - which is why you might really enjoy that perfume strip you smelled at Victoria’s Secret but realize you hate the way you smell 2 hours later when you get home. 
Aramis was the second one I tried, but it is depicted as Billy’s ‘main’ - you know, the one he wears like an actual human instead of rubbing it all over his dick like a fucking animal in heat. But I really have to level with you guys: you cannot convince me that Billy picked this shit out.
How do I describe this smell? 
Familiar, was my first impression, actually. Followed immediately by the horrified realization of why it was so familiar, even though the person this reminded me of has been dead for nearly twenty years. If you blindfolded me and told me “this is the canonical cologne choice for one of your favorite male characters” before I knew this belonged to Billy, my real honest answer would have been “...Steve?”
Not Steve Harrington. STEVE ROGERS. 
“...Steve? Steve, right? This is Captain America’s cologne?”
Because, theydies and gentlethems, this smells like my fucking grandfather. 
Come here, come in close. Let me describe the man who wears this to you. 
This man opens your car door for you. He has tea with your mother and talks to your father about fucking...baseball or stocks, or whatever will get him chatting. He helps your younger sibling get their merit badge for making their own campfire. He fingerbangs you like a goddamn champ but won’t fuck you in his car because he wants it to be ‘special’ for you. He lets you wear his own jacket on chilly nights and this is what that jacket smells like. I would suck this man’s dick with genuine enthusiasm and would have to immediately ghost him afterwards because he’s very sweet and a real catch, but he has stars in his eyes about marriage and three kids with a house and that shit gives me hives.
In other words, this is not our local disgusting feral rat king. Like...I love him so much but he is not That. 
This was kinda confusing to me, because it’s somehow spicy and ‘cold’ at the same time. ‘Spicy’ notes in scent are generally associated with a ‘warm’ vibe - cinnamon, clove, etc. This is not. Actually, having him wear this at night in winter is absolutely correct, because it has exactly that vibe. But in no way do I believe that Billy knowingly picked this particular fragrance out of his own agency.
I have two theories about this and you can select whichever one you like depending on how much pain you’d like to cause yourself. 
Either this was 1) a random bottle selected from a shelf - possibly because it was discounted, maybe he liked the appearance of the bottle - and Billy is not in an economic bracket to be able to just throw away perfectly decent cologne OR 2) this was originally a gift from his mom and Billy either can’t bring himself to get rid of it or maybe even purchases it himself now out of habit.
The Paco Rabanne - the dick cologne - on the other hand, I really, really enjoyed. Curiously, this had one characteristic I REALLY hadn’t expected, especially considering that this literally has ‘pour homme’ (for men) in the name. 
The intended gender for this fragrance is not readily apparent. 
I mean, gender is a construct, etc, but generally, fragrances are classified for marketing purposes. There is a decent amount of them that are explicitly not categorized on the binary, though. But this one is not supposed to be one of them - again, it says ‘for men’ in the name.
I enjoyed both but kind of thought the Paco Rabanne suited me better as a female presenting person, since Aramis is more distinctly and traditionally male - even more interesting implications there since as I pointed out before, Billy literally rubs this all over his genitals. (Almost as though Billy wears the Aramis as a mask concealing what’s really going on at his...center...) 
From the description, I was expecting something more fresh and herbal, maybe even ‘watery’ but this was actually something kind of woody and spicy, almost smoky, more subtle than the Aramis (again, more interesting implications there). 
It also wears off much more quickly - or maybe my own body chemistry just doesn’t blend with this as well? I will say I really, REALLY enjoyed the way that the Aramis combined with my natural chemistry on the dry down - about six hours after application, it was a sweeter almost nutty spice smell, like brown butter toffee - I loved it, it was EXCELLENT. But the Paco Rabanne just becomes slightly more powdery and creamy, almost soapy, and a little more piney - picture a quiet dark forest at night, in the dead of winter.
On the standard approval scale for male fragrance, would I suck this man’s dick? Yeah, but the fucking slut would tell all of his friends afterward.
Alright guys! Hope that was interesting/helpful for you, I’m gonna go finish my coffee and pray for the weekend to arrive.
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theveryworstthing · 4 years
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So over on patreon Trevor asked for my take on the Addams Family and I grew up LOVING the Addams family movies so here we are. Instead of doing a straight up style interpretation, I decided to do a full on design challenge, using the characters as bases to make a black southern gothic Addams au. I actually drew the kids first, using the character bases of Wednesday and Pugsley to create some delightful kiddos I'm calling Sunday and Blanche. I of course then redesigned Gomez and Morticia into Carlisle and Mortesha.
The Addams have a very specific high aristocratic goth aesthetic (they've got a butler and nobody really works among other things) so in this re-imagining I wanted to go with vibes that run a little more middle class/upper middle class.  I thought it would be interesting to think about what would be considered weird and off-putting in an entirely different culture, and how being a big ol' goth is way less controversial than it used to be.
I tried to keep this short (HAHAHAHAHAHA) so I didn't spin off into an essay about villain coded families, black people in the horror genre, and normalcy as it pertains to social survival, but just...bits of that are in these designs and lore. Keep that in mind.
Also I made the kids twins because they've flip flopped in age so much in different media and also twins run in my family (i'm the daughter of one). And let's face it, I'm pulling a lot of their southern gothic traits from living as a southern goth so *shrug*.
10 thousand pounds of lore incoming loooooooooool.
The Parents
From the moment he saw her he knew that there was a 50/50 chance of him either never making it out of that swamp alive or marrying the figure that was creeping out from under the distant willow tree in a black cocktail dress. The third time she found him trussed up in one of her traps, he complimented her rope work and asked if she'd like to go out sometime after his head wound stopped bleeding.
Or while it was still bleeding.
If she was into that.
Some kids and a mysteriously burnt down Piggly Wiggly later, their love is still as strong and inescapable as a bear trap in a sink hole.
Carlisle Guillermo (now Addams through marriage but I wanted to give him two first names for a name since Gomez has two last names) makes a vaguely described living practicing ‘law’ around town. A loophole king, people come to him from miles around with contracts signed in blood, fights over chunks of hair buried in their rivals’ yard, dehydrated primate hands, memories that seemed like dreams until the evidence of their happenings became too real, and other regular Legal Items asking for counsel which he is all too happy to give. For a price. Sometimes that price is a homemade pie and sometimes it’s a million dollars, depends on who you are. Whatever you’re asked to pay it’s worth that price, and if you try to scam him out of work or he just plain doesn’t like you? Well. He knows how to twist a contract better than anything at the crossroads.
And he always gets his due.
He doesn’t just serve the local (living)humans though, there are many things that need proper legal representation in this day and age. You wouldn’t believe how many city councils try to build on sacred burial grounds even after he lets them know that his ghostly clients are totally gonna haunt the FUCK out of the ensuing shitty condos and curse their families for all eternity. At least 50% of his energy goes towards dealing with real estate bullshit.
Carl is an excitable and good natured(?) man who loves his family, cigars, dancing, and his many knife-based hobbies. People find him very charming once they get past the feeling that they’re talking to a sultry gator badly disguising itself as a human. I didn’t put a ton of deep thought into designing him, mostly I wanted to make a middle aged dude who looked like he would have been voted ‘most likely to smooch the literal devil’ in high school. Tbh he probably has, but no demonic ex’s can compare to his lovely wife~
Mortesha Addams(her name was already perfect so I just tweaked it)is a woman of many talents. A self proclaimed homemaker, she prides herself on a greenhouse full of Concerning Foliage, a beautiful wasp apiary, and a coop full of what are probably chickens that she keeps for what are probably eggs. She’s also an avid creator of the outsider art that can be seen around the estate. She has taken on the family business of selling her homemade goods in a little stall by the road just outside the swamp with her mom, and makes pretty good money doing so. A surprising amount of poison gets bought in quaint southern towns.
Speaking of poison, people who come out to the edge of the swamp to buy it are usually carrying a lot of secrets around, and Mortesha knows most of them. It’s not like she pries the truth out of people, it just so happens that many nervous hellos eventually turn into the tragic backstory power hour if she’s alone with a client for long enough. She supposes that’s just how people are. Despite the fact that the Addams are very active in the community (whether the community likes it or not) she especially, as a direct descendant of the first Addams matriarch, is seen as…Well not an outsider because the community feels A Certain Way about outsiders and despite it all the Addams are their people, but maybe something like an exception. They feel like whatever weirdness they’re hiding can’t be weirder than any given Addams, so they get a little loose with their words.
This is amusing to her, since Addams’ don’t naturally keep the kind dramatic secrets that their surface level prim and proper neighbors do. It’s much more fun to openly talk about those things.
Do they have a sadly decrepit yet terrifying grandma up in the attic? Yeah, like three. They got a tv, all the creepy porcelain dolls they could want, and they’re close to family. Where do you keep your gram-grams?
Any bodies buried on the property? Yeah some, but most are thrown to the gators.
Any creeping through the balmy summer night with ill intentions? Yeah dude, everyone loves a nice family stroll.
What about dangerous forbidden love? If an adult Addams isn’t incorporeal then they’re either queer or in a torrid romance with some person/thing mysteriously drawn to that awful swamp. Sometimes both at the same time. Most times actually.
Mortesha would know.
The current head of the Addams family is just as outgoing as her husband but a lot quieter and harder to read. She never really seems to get mad about much and always has a genteel smile for everyone whether they deserve it or not. A seven foot tall human shaped “Oh, bless your heart”. A perfectly composed Lady even when she’s, oh I dunno, burning down a Piggly Wiggly. You know. A regular southern mom. Chat her up at the hair salon for 50% off a jar of wasp honey with your next purchase of a mysterious but foreboding packet of herbs.
Designing her was pretty easy because I just drew a lankier Grace Jones and called it a day. I had some problems with her outfit simply because if we were going HARD southern gothic then she’d probably be wearing a white/cream dress with a fuller skirt but I thought keeping the silhouette and the black was more important. She’s supposed to be an anti southern gothic southern gothic character anyway. A woman who looks like she has a million secrets who is actually the most open person you could meet. For better or worse. The red hair came from a coloring error that I really ended up liking (my mom had red hair her whole childhood that only darkened up in high school so I can buy that an Addams can be naturally fire engine red) and the veil was to get more of that classic Morticia silhouette in there.
The Children
Sunday and Blanche are the twin children of Carlisle and Mortesha Addams. Some say the Addams clan got their cursed homestead when a wealthy local businessman made a deal with the devil and lost, leaving his grand mansion to his least favorite maid and cutting his losses once he realized that the swamp would do everything it could to drag the house into the water and take what was owed with its horrible curse. Others say that the family has just always squatted there and no one really cares because man, fuck that particular swamp. Have you been in there? Absolute horror show.
Anyway.
Blanche is the more outgoing sibling and quite the engineer/mad scientist in the making. He started going grey at 2 weeks old but considering he was also rocking some extra fingers, toes, and a tiny tail (he takes after his dad), his parents just put it on the 'not life threatening' pile and decided not to worry about it. He's the kind of smart that teachers find utterly infuriating, less a dog eagerly learning and obeying commands and more a hyena who keeps teaching itself how to pick locks. He has a few friends in his school's robotics club (which they honestly allowed him to make so the school could contain his... creations) but mostly hangs out with his sister exploring the swamp. They find all sorts of neat things in there! wedding rings, suspiciously lumpy garbage bags, cloaked cultists who can't read private property signs, it's an adventure every day!
Blanche is all about experimentation with his creations, his look, and his tether to this mortal coil. Is lipstick a cool thing to try? Let's find out. Can he get out of a strait jacket fast enough after being pushed into the depths of the swamp by his sister? let's find out. He's not dead yet and confused local doctors can attest to the fact that he's rarely attained more than a bad bruise so he's pretty set on continuing to kiss rattlesnakes on their cute little heads and have his sister practice her knife throwing at him until that fact changes.
Blanche is very much a country goth. Cowboy boots (customized by his mom), knife, and lighter are daily accessories. He likes to wear the crusty swamp jewelry they find (the rust adds a splash of color!) and despite appearances he does try to keep himself neat. He's just got  natural Grunge Colors and a tendency to wear clothes he likes until they fall apart. Pugsley always seemed the most modernly styled to me (which might just be because little boys clothes have been the same for a long time) so I wanted Blanche to be the most purposely fashionable Addams. Everyone else is goth by nature, but he's the only one truly familiar with goth as an alternative fashion.
I got really into designing Blanche because honestly, I find Pugsley to be the most boring member of the family. And he was hard to design! I had to mess with his vibe a lot to get him looking how I wanted. I know he's supposed to evoke an " 'evil' little boy next door who's parents never reign him in", but that's just goth Dennis The Menace.  I's 2020. We can at least go queer goth Calvin.
Sunday was much easier to design. Wednesday was my favorite as a child (of course) and I really wanted to keep the spirit of her look while adding things like billowy sleeves (it gets HOT down here), big poofy twists instead of braids, and a nice tie. She's a professional after all, been running the local pet cemetery since she was 6 and the previous groundskeeper met with an unfortunate accident after telling her that tarantulas don't have souls. Her specialty is creating beautiful naturalistic animal funerals similar to those that Maquenda (https://linktr.ee/artofmaquenda) makes, and she takes pride in creating miniature dioramas of her subjects after each burial which she uses as a kind of 3D catalog for future clients.
She really wants to try out her skills on humans one day. Well. Publicly try out her skills. Lotta random bodies float into the swamp. None of them have turned down her requests for diorama models so far. Most seem downright flattered. Plus, she usually figures out which graveyard/crime scene they floated over from and gets her parents to give them a lift back. She'll even help enact terrifying revenge from beyond the grave on whoever put them there if she's not, y'know, busy.
Besides arts, crafts, and pet based funerary arrangements, Sunday is an avid lover of archery (any ranged weapon really), books where little fantasy adventure animals die dramatic deaths, and history. She is That Kid who eagerly raises her hand when asked who Christopher Columbus was and ends up being sent out of class after 15 minutes for making 'a scene'. Her favorite party trick is just picking an item in the room and talking about how it relates to either some obscure historical figure with a buck wild life or a horrible disaster. At least one charity pancake breakfast ended with children in tears after her vivid description of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919.
Social-wise, while Wednesday is the girl that people ask to smile because they think she'd, "look so pretty", Sunday is rarely asked anything at all. People just kind of assume from her quiet nature (in between horrible history facts) that she's angry all the time and that she hates everyone. This is untrue. She hates some people but she's ambivalent to most everyone else and even downright friendly if you bother to talk to her like a person instead of a terrifying cryptid. Like, she IS a terrifying cryptid but she's also a little girl.  
That’s about it for now. One day I might do the other family members but for now I’m happy with the four I’ve redesigned. Making an au! Lurch in a family that doesn’t do butlers could be interesting. Over on patreon I put forth that he could just be Motesha’s mute little brother (similar bone structure) but Amy Crook had the nice idea of quote: “ a mysterious "cousin" that "helps around the house" whose origins are both long in the past and faintly unsettling. He's good for lifting heavy things, like that tank of propane you're about to throw into the burning Piggly Wiggly... “ which i now consider canon. Who's kid is he? How old is he? Not important. Anyone willing to commit arson with you is family.
Annnnyway.  This challenge was a lot of fun! I love indulging in AU’s.
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tartglias · 3 years
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Xiao, Zhongli and Venti with an immortal s/o
“Sooo 👀 can i request so some fluff hc for venti, xiao and zhongli with an immortal s/o?”
thank you so much for requesting!! this is my first time writing for more than one character at a time so it was a challenge lol thank you sm!!
Xiao
Xiao never understood the importance of time. Days, months, even years feel like nothing when you’re immortal. What a funny thing that is, immortality. He knows normal humans would do anything for it, and he despises them for that. Nothing so great came free, he knew that well. He was freed from tortures, only to get tormented by karma. He could still hear the voices and screams calling for help from tortured souls, these still haunt him daily. But the worst moments come when he sees that figure, that person who he once considered close. So close he could use the human word “soulmate”, if he believed in those, to describe who that person meant to him.
Many centuries back he met you, such a gentle person who got to break down his hard walls. A smile, a touch, a kiss. That’s all it took. So many meaningless years, and he never once encountered a person as kind yet strong like you. Someone who made the daily nightmares cease, with a simple smile and brush of fingers.
He remembers your last words like it was the day before. You were on top of one of the tall stones in Huaguang Stone Forest, Xiao laying his head on your lap and you placing small qingxin flowers on his hair. He wouldn’t allow anyone do that to him ever, but in the end, you were you. And you were different.
“Xiao” you called, once you were done placing the flowers. He opened his eyes and muttered a “hm?” in response. “I have to leave soon. Mondstadt calls me”
He sat up.
“What do you mean?”
“By tomorrow morning, I’ll be on my way back to Mondstadt” you said, quietly standing up.
He stood up too.
“When will I see you again?” he asked, now not being able to look at you.
“I don’t know” you said, reaching out for his hand and taking it. You placed a soft kiss on his knuckles, and he felt himself calm down at the gesture for a moment.
“I meant it when I said I’ll love you forever, Xiao” you said, finally locking eyes with him. You had teary eyes, he dreaded to see you like that. If it were up to him, he would swallow every bit of pain in your body and soul, just to see you smile.
And with that, you disappeared. As quickly as you broke down his walls, you disappeared just as quick the next day. Days, months and years became even more meaningless, but somehow he felt them longer. He missed you every day, he whispered to the moon every night, wishing that some archon would hear and bring you back to him. He knew you were like him, but he never heard from you again. Were you able to finally cross to the other side? He tried to erase those thoughts from his mind.
He later found himself in that very same stone, the one in which he last saw you. New Qingxin flowers blossomed, and they reminded him of you. He sat down, staring at the horizon. But then, he felt a strange swift of wind, and a presence behind him. He quickly stood up, ready to put his mask on and kill whoever dared to interrupt his solitude. But he didn’t. The mask in his hand dropped to the floor, next to the flowers.
“I’m back” you said, with a shy smile.
“You’re back” he said, more to himself than to you. Were you really there?
His question was soon answered, once you stepped closer and pulled him in a hug. He found himself wrapping his arms around you, holding you as close as he could, while trying to hold back his tears.
“I’m sorry I took so long, my beloved” you said as you locked your eyes with his. You grabbed his hand and held it, but you never once let go of the hug.
“I’m here to stay now” you whispered.
Zhongli
“You need to stop playing with people’s hearts” Zhongli said, as he sipped on his tea and looked at you questioningly. You rolled your eyes in response and put your focus back on your potion. A few petals from the most exotic flower in Teyvat, a little bit of juice made from vines and a teaspoon of slime condensate.
“Sometimes mortals need a little push in the right direction” You said, finishing up the mix and transferring it to a small bottle made of glass. “Plus, we’ve been here for centuries, I’m bored and I need a hobby”
“I don’t think that messing with human’s love lives can be considered a hobby. I don’t think it’s morally correct” he said.
“You’re very dramatic. I can feel the true desires of every being that touches the soil in Teyvat, and if I sense that the desire is mutual, I simply work my magic” You said, sitting back on your chair next to the tall man.
“Can’t you let them figure it out by themselves?” He asked.
“That’s no fun Zhongli” You said, finishing up the sweet perfume-potion you were creating.
You and Zhongli have been friends for centuries. You met when you moved to Liyue as the representative of the Dendro Archon, someone you really looked up to. Zhongli was kind enough to make you feel at home, and soon became friends with the Geo Archon. Though you must admit, you always wished it was something more.
Maybe that’s why you picked up this “hobby” of yours. Unrequited love is something painful and mortals only live a short life, you believe they should live it fully, if possible.
“Are you alright?” Zhongli asked, interrupting your thoughts with a concerned look on his face. You didn’t realize you had a sad look on yours.
“Oh? Yeah of course” You said, quickly brushing it off and proceeding decorating the small glass bottle.
“Y/n-“ he started, placing a hand on top of yours in order to get your attention. “I’ve known you for a long time. I know when something is wrong”
It was funny. He knew you like the back of his hand, he knew how to read you since the first time he laid his eyes on you. Yet he never found out how you truly felt about him, how your heart made like a million flips whenever he did something as simple as hold your hand, or brush a hair away from your face. All these little things and gestures, have been making you swoon over your closest friend for years, centuries even.
“Time and love are strange concepts, aren’t they?” You asked, looking straight at him. Here goes nothing, you thought.
“I believe those are rather simple concepts”
“You can spend a lifetime with someone, know every habit and expression but you don’t know how they truly feel about you” You said staring at him, searching for any hint that indicated he knew what you were talking about. But you saw nothing. Who were you kidding? He’s just your friend, has been for a long time.
You let out a defeated laugh, standing up and letting go of his hand. “Forgive me, I don’t really know what i’m saying” you said, grabbing the potion and starting to leave. But you felt his hand on your wrist, stopping your movements.
“You said you felt the desires of every being that stepped foot on Teyvat’s soil, am I right?” he asked, looking at you. You nodded. “Does it work on me?”
“You wanted to get close to me, as a friend”
“My apologies my dearest y/n, but I think your blessing is wrong” he said, standing up and holding your hand once again. “I did want to get closer to you as a friend at first, but not any longer. I’ve been observing mortals for a while as well, on my daily walks through Liyue Harbor, and I think I finally understood my feelings”
You were sure that if Zhongli listened close enough, he would hear the fast beating of your heart.
“I’ve been waiting for you to use your love potion on me, my dear y/n. I’m sure it wouldn’t have worked anyways since I believe it would take a lot of effort to make an effective potion that could work on me. But it would have given me the excuse to tell you how I really feel” he said.
“How do you feel then?” you asked him, looking up at the tall man.
“I think I’m very lucky to have you by my side, and it makes me want to travel to the Dendro nation and personally thank the Archon for assigning you to Liyue. I also want you to still be by my side for the centuries to come, if you’re okay with that” he said, lowering his voice by the end.
You acted before you could process your thoughts. You stood on your tippy toes and kissed his cheek gently, never letting go of his hand. He liked you, he felt the same way about you. It was real.
“I’m okay with that” you replied.
Venti
It was almost noon, almost an hour after the original time you accorded with Venti to meet. You planned a picnic date by the big tree near the statue of the Seven, your favorite spot. The same spot which later, became Venti’s favorite spot as well.
He wasn’t a person who would jump straight to conclusions. You were late. Maybe you fell asleep, maybe you couldn’t find the guitar you promised to bring so you could play a duet. Being late doesn’t mean something bad happened, right?”
He decided to wait a few more moments, but once the sun set, he had enough. He went out to try and find you. He went to your house, but noticed the door was locked and no one was inside. “They left” he thought.
He slowly but surely started to get desperate. Where were you? Were you hurt? Did you get lost somehow? He went to Angel’s Share, and not even Master Diluc had seen you. If Venti wasn’t in such a panicked state, he would have noticed the rare concerned and worried look Diluc had on his face.
If any traveler walked by literally any road in Mondstadt, they would soon encounter a big rush of wind. Venti went from here to there as fast as he could, trying to find you.
He soon enough found you in Stormbearer Mountains, fighting hilichurls and two pyro mages. You looked tired, sweat covering your body and your clothes were dirty. It was obvious that this has been going on for a while. You gripped your sword as hard as you could, and kept fighting. Why didn’t you call for him? With no exception, Venti tells you daily to call for him if you ever encounter a problem. It’s not that he doesn’t think you’re strong, oh no, he believed you were the strongest mortal in Teyvat. But in the end, to him you were still a mortal. Fragile and over-sensitive. He often told you to call his name, that the wind will carry it and he will appear there to help you out. So why didn’t you?
“y/n!” he screamed, once he laid his eyes on you. You turned around and saw a rush on wind, and felt his presence. What you didn’t feel though, was the pyro attack coming from one of the mages. The mage summoned three pyro artifacts that surrounded you, and burnt you. You felt your energy slip away, your head dizzy and your body burning. Then, you felt the cold wind, Venti quickly finishing off the mages and the remaining hilichurls.
Venti thought it was over. You were kneeled down, burnt skin, gasping for air. It was over, you were going to die. He felt his eyes water and fear running through his veins. He wrapped his arms around you, making you lean on his chest.
“Don’t leave me” he begged. “please”
“My dear, I don’t think I can” you said, letting out a short laugh.
“Please stay strong, I think I can carry you to the cathedral but you need to hold very still so-“ he started saying, now fully crying but you interrupted him by putting a hand on his cheek and wiping his tears with your thumb.
“I’m serious, I don’t think I can leave anyways. Venti, I literally can’t die.” you said, with a laugh and slowly standing up.
“You... you’re immortal?” he asked, looking up at you, not being able to leave the floor.
You nodded. “I thought you knew”
“I hate you” he said, standing up and wiping away his tears. “I do”
“No you don’t. But you’re cute though!” you said, grabbing his face and kissing the tip of his nose. “I’m very sorry I’m late though, my commission took longer than I thought but let me compensate you with dinner and a bottle of wine”
“But you’re still burnt?” he asked you, concern still in his face.
“Oh don’t worry about that, it will rip out when I start walking. I have healthy skin underneath” you said, like it was the most normal thing in the world.
“Why do I feel like this is not your first time getting so hurt?” he asked letting out a soft chuckle, suddenly feeling lighter now that he knows you’re okay and will probably be okay for a long long while.
“Eh, been there done that a few times” you simply said, taking his hand and walking back to the city of Mondstadt.
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valenhell · 3 years
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From the studio that brought you “I can’t find good Byler fics in the ao3 tag”, comes:
"The Definitive Byler fic rec list"
Literally no one asked for this but because I spent the majority of last year (...and 2019, and 2018...) reading byler fics and coping with life, I thought I’d make a list of some of my absolute favorites. 
The other day I was basically starving for some byler fics and the angel @magicalfairy provided me with some of her faves so I thought I’d do the same, because I love reading, and I love all of these fics and I appreciate their writers💗 And fic writers in general, come on!
- This is a mix of long works and one-shots/short stories. - Everything is mostly fluff with a tad of angst and a lot of internalized homophobia conflict.  - Every fic is completed, except for the ones I mention that they are not. - I try my best to lay out the stories in a way that I won’t spoil you the plot but also warning you of some stuff you might don’t like. Either way, all of these fics are correctly tagged by their respective authors/owners, so read at your own risk. For better understanding, in between brackets I denote Rating, Words and quantity of Chapters. - I feel like I should clarify, none of these are narrated in the singular first person. None of that “And I told him...”, no. 
Long fics
a dream always the same (T, 99k, 35 chapters) What happened in those few weeks between the Battle of Starcourt and the Byers leaving Hawkins. Literally a satisfying and very needed fill in of season three, with a good dose of Mike’s thoughts and conflict. Mike’s characterization is specially amazing in this one. The writing style is amazing and I know the author put everything into making it historically accurate, and it was really sweet. You probably read it, it’s by the amazing sevensided here on Tumblr🧡
Spring Break (T, 120k, 14/15 chapters) The slowburn of my dreams. Lots of internalized conflict and conflict with each other. Conflict within the Party (uhh kind of), conflict with Mike and Will. Byers family has moved and the kids are visiting! Chaos. Characterization is on point. Yeah, I know it’s unfinished, but the fourteenth chapter actually serves as a pretty nice ending. 
This is where it starts (M, 148.8k, 24 chapters) Aged up characters. The Party is in college and Will disappears again, but now it’s different. Mike knows he didn’t vanish from thin air, and the discovery he and the Party end up making is pretty insane. Mystery solving/fantasy/third dimension, throw in a bit of D&D and Mike realizing some shit, and you get this marvelous fic. It’s a breath of fresh air. The world building is definitely one of the elements that stands out the most, because it’s very nicely described, it sounds like a dream and it’s completely immersive. Absolute gem of a fic. 
there’s a Starman waiting in the sky (M, 30.6k, 8 chapters) Do I need to say anything? Will is out there living his best life and Mike realizes that wow, umm, maybe his best friend looks a bit too nice with that costume... and wait, is he getting horny? It’s actually really fun and sexy.
The Evening Speaks (T, 23k, 7 chapters) In where Mike is a late-night college radio host and Will is the art student that stays up till late to catch up with Wheeler on the Mic. They flirt through songs y’all, this one is really sweet. 
heads or tails? (E, 24k, 3 chapters) Aged up characters. I know most people don’t enjoy sex in fics and with specific characters but this one is insanely well written. It’s a slowburn that commits to the tension and with every word you are grasping and anticipating their next move. I think you can find the author here on Tumblr as yousaidyes🧡
The Man of Average (M, 56.7k, 5/? chapters) Aged up characters. No but you don’t understand, the writing here is absolute gourmet. The story is exciting as well, it’s super interesting. Weirdly enough, for being very aged up characters, they are well characterized but they don’t feel like teenagers. They are naturally Mike and Will. The author really captured Mike and Will’s essence. I know, it’s unfinished and it’s updated very rarely, but this is the typical fic you can’t believe someone just posted on the internet for free. I will say though, I think it’s definitely not for everyone. Read at your own risk.
Heartstrings (E, 82.8k, 24/? chapters) Aged up characters. By the same author of The Man of Average. A collection of memories, the road to Mike and Will’s happy ever after. And fucking hell!!!!! You’ll cry and get angry, you’ll cheer for them, then you’ll want to crash their faces together because god dammit you love each other!!! But yeah, same thing here. The writing and the way the story is laid out as a nonlinear narrative is brilliant. And I also think this is one of the best Will versions I’ve read. The author might as well be the og creator of this two characters tbh. You can find the author here as mylesimeblr🧡
Sinners behind the walls (T, 1.5k, 1/1) And because I can’t stop recommending this author, a little thing of Mike tormenting himself but also being too deeply committed to Will. 
The Red Envelope series (T/E, 167K, two completed works) Something happens that Will thought was impossible and from there, pure drama and romance. Anything by this author has the potential to become your absolute favorite fic, but this series in particular is amazing. I doubt that any of you haven’t read this, but it doesn’t hurt to put it in this list. I’m pretty sure the author is serendipitous-magic on Tumblr🧡
A New Fight series (T, 91k, two completed works, one WIP) And finally the Star Wars AU that we all needed. But this isn’t your typical “Mike is Han”, “Will is Leia” and “El is Luke”, it’s way more interesting than that, and the author has appropriated the Star Wars world like no other. I’ll admit I’m not a 100% fluent in SW lore but this is amazing to me either way. This author is also on Tumblr, tea-for-one-please🧡
- Yes, most of these are (if not all), in a way, canon compliant/canonverse/canon continuation into fanon. (In a way)
One-shots and short stories
Sundae for Two, Please (G, 4.8k) Steve being the supportive friend and older brother these kids collectively need. (not Jonathan erasure, we love him). Steve is very sweet himself, and this little cute thing through his POV is gorgeous. Yes, it’s byler.
Backstage (T, 10k, 2/2) Jonathan, you forgot to mention to Will how hot your new band’s guitarist is, dude. Now he’s hyperventilating and weirdly flirting with him in the corner. Background Stonathan because why not.
102 Peach Street (G, 3.8k) Established relationship, but not only that, they are married :’’))) PURE fluff. Extreme fluffiness. Diabetes. 
sweatshirts and bottled up feelings (T, 3.2k) Or, Mike thinks that the sweatshirt Will wears looks insanely good on him. And kitchens are for lovers. 
kiss it better (T, 16.3k) Basically one of the best character studies of a few precise moments of Mike and Will’s relationship and feelings. 
will wonders ever cease (T, 11.3k) #i ship will and happiness. Omfg what a beautiful piece of fanfic. Will centric, this kid really deserves all the good in the world.
The Calm After the Storm (T, 1.6k) Tooth rotting fluff, boyfriends in love. Boyfriends being lazy, cuddling, love words, kisses. Boys loving each other’s company... Basically, Mike and Will in their element. What more can you ask for?
neither of us ready to let go (T, 4.8k) That scene from season three, but a bit of a fix it. 
Still in love (G, 1k) Domestic, married life au fluff. Y’all, I’m a sucker for established Byler, even if I can’t find many fics with it. But this is very sweet. It takes place in 2020, but I don’t think there are any mentions of the COVID-19 crisis that I remember.
I Nver Find Out ‘Til I’m Head Over Heels (G, 12.5K) Classic 5+1 fic. If you haven’t read it, where have you been? This is your moment. In where Mike keeps inviting Will to the school dances and Will thinks it’s just a joke until he realizes it’s not. 
Before You’re Gone (T, 5.9k) Will is leaving Hawkins and Mike thinks this is a great moment for a confession. This one I discovered last friday, thank you friend @magicalfairy 💗
You’re weird Wheeler (M, 4.5k) Mike unintentionally starts a tradition of going to each other to talk about their sexual encounters just after they finish. Will keeps getting more explicit with the details he shares, and he makes his best friend interested. This one is really fun y’all.
Out-Of-Town Friends (N/R, 4.6K) It’s not rated. I haven’t re- read it but I’d say it would probably fall in a T rating. So cute!! Will has new friends and sneaks off every friday and the Party doesn’t know where he is going, so Mike decides to follow him and is surprised. 
Snowed Under (G, 1.3k) By the same author of The New Fight series. Mike is spending christmas by himself in college because a snowstorm hits Chicago and Nancy can’t drive to see him, but then he has a surprise visitor. Ahhh just a lil sweet holiday fic. Super cute. 
you love me anyway series (T, 7.1k, three completed works) Literally just the cutest thing ever. Established Byler. Will loves to take pictures and he loves taking pictures of Mike. It’s adorable. 
you wanna be friends forever (i can think of something better) (T, 9k) This one is so amazing. So. Amazing. From Will’s POV, my kid deserves the world and he gets it. 
okay not to be okay (T, 4.9k) Mike is a bit sad but then everything is okay. 
can’t hold out forever (G, 18.4k) Y’all!!!!! 5+1 sweetness. Mike has been falling in love since kindergarten. And it’s long af, you’ll enjoy it. 
even if it takes forever (G, 1.3k) College short AU, they miss each other, they love each other, they promise all to each other. It is sappy y’all.
clear as day (N/R, 18.4K, 4 chapters) It’s not rated, but I’d say it falls in the T category. Strangers to friends to lovers. And also, everyone is pretty gay; we have our dynamic trio Mike, Max and El as disaster lesbians (and gay). Will works at the library and he is also gay. Lucas and Dustin and Will are the best friends we needed. It’s very sweet and the Party is kind of formed here!
I went overboard with the one-shots, so you must have realized how much I love long one-shots and I favor them over long works lmao but they are all amazing!!! If it’s on this list, I probably read it at 2 am, sobbing in my bed. So. Hope you enjoy it☺️🧡
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glassprism · 2 years
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Is Gina Beck's Christine more e/c leaning or e/r?
I think you meant R/C in the last part? Though I would be totally down for a Christine who's rooting for the Phantom and Raoul to get together during the show.
Anyway, Gina Beck is interesting because while her interviews suggest that her Christine does not feel much romantic love for the Phantom by the end, her acting is very sympathetic towards him. For example, in this BroadwayWorld interview, it says:
The fans of the show tend to want her to end up with the Phantom...
Yes, and when she kisses him, all these different feelings come up making her question what she wants. The moment she gives the ring back is very hard, especially the way Ramin plays the Phantom, but ultimately she realises that her place is not with him.
And in this Access London interview:
AL: During the final lair scene, the audience sees a much more vulnerable side to The Phantom. How would you describe Christine's character and emotions in that scene?
GB: Well Christine actually comes into her own in this scene, she is scared but she doesn't crumble, she gets angry with the Phantom rather than cowering and then realises what it is that might make him see reason and gives herself to him. After he frees Raoul she has nothing but pity for him and his plight.
But with her acting, she often seems very into the Phantom. We have 'Music of the Night' where she gives a little pleasure-squeeze of her stomach when he sings (the Phantom has "awakened" something in her at that moment... and she likes it):
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There's also her, ahem, "orgasm face" at some moments:
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Now those are moments from before she's realized who the Phantom is, but what about after? Well, I've talked about this moment in 'All I Ask of You', where she kisses Raoul but jerks back when she touches the side of his face. Contrast it with how she reacts when she kisses the Phantom and touches the same side:
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Anyway, I'm just saying there's a reason why fans were theorizing that Gina Beck's Christine, during her AIAOY kiss, was secretly imagining she was kissing the Phantom and broke off the kiss when she realized she could not feel the deformity.
And of course, we have her reaction when returning the ring:
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Which is why even though her interviews suggest otherwise, I tend to characterize Gina Beck's Christine as more E/C-leaning. Heck, maybe Gina Beck is literally embodying Christine - her head says Raoul, her emotions say the Phantom. Whatever it is, she's a fun Christine to watch!
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andreafmn · 3 years
Text
Running In Circles - Chapter 1
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Word Count: 3,196
Characters: Female Reader Rossi Character, Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Derek Morgan, Spencer Reid, Jennifer “JJ”Jareau, Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia, George Foyet, Multiple Unsubs and Victims
Story Description: (Y/N) Rossi is following in her father’s footsteps by joining the BAU team as a profiler. The girl genius knew almost everything but she could have never predicted falling for Aaron Hotchner, her boss and her father’s friend. in their world mutual feelings are not enough to push them together. Will all the adversities and obstacles they face pull them together or push them apart forever?
*DISCLAIMER* I do not own in any way Criminal Minds, all credits of the pre-established characters, script, and storyline belong to Jeff Davis and CBS Network. The only thing I own is Arden Rossi, any upcoming characters, and her storyline, as well as her effects in the others' story line.
Chapter: 1/?
Chapter Description: (Y/N) remebers her first day in the job and recounts all the cases and events that led to the downfall of George Foyet. 
A/N: I decided to say fuck the anxiety of posting and put up my Aaron fanfiction. It’s been gathering dust in my documents folder and I love writing too much to keep it to myself. I’m not sure how many chapters this will have but there’s already 8 chapters all finished up. Soon I’ll be posting ff of all the fanfictions I enjoy also! If you enjoy my writing I’ll also be posting them in AO3 and Wattpad along with other stories (I also hope to start taking requests if ya’ll want) Hope you enjoy and all constructive criticism is encouraged.
Next->
Chapter 1
“Good morning, BAU!” I said as I walked through the doors of the elevator and entered the bullpen. I could still remember how it felt the first time I got here.
I walked out of the elevator and made my way to the first office on the left. I was to meet
SSA Aaron Hotchner for an interview to join the BAU. My hands were shaking, and my body was getting warmer by the second. But I remembered my father’s encouraging words. “You’re gonna do great, mia bella.”
Not only was I extremely young, but I also had a lot to live up to. Being the daughter of SSA David Stephen Rossi was no easy task. He was an amazing agent, mentor, and father. He always pushed me to be the best at everything I did. When I started high school, I decided to get a head start on my college studies and applied to dual enrollment. When I graduated I did so with a Bachelor’s in Computer Science. Then, I worked my way to a Master’s in Psychology and Social Work, and a Doctorate in Criminal Justice. At the same time, my father trained me as a profiler. All my life I knew I wanted to be in the FBI, just like him. I was always impressed at all he did and wanted to be just like my hero. The day I told him I had been recruited by the FBI and was set to work in the BAU he said it had been the greatest day of his life.
Now my shaking hand raised to softly knock on the door before me.
“Come in,” someone said from inside. The door softly creaked as I opened and was met by a tall man with dark hair and a shorter blonde woman. “Agent Rossi, welcome.”
“Thank you, it’s an honor to be here.” I smiled and shook Aaron Hotchner’s and Erin Strauss’ hands.
“It’s an honor to meet you, Agent Rossi,” Erin smiled. “Have to say, you have a very impressive curriculum and your disinvolvement in our past interviews and tests have been outstanding.”
I smiled and turned the bracelet on my wrist for comfort.
“I must concur with Chief Strauss,” said Hotch. “I believe you will be a great addition to the BAU team.”
After sharing a few pleasantries and being handed my badge and gun, I was following Hotch to the briefing room to meet the rest of the team. Formally, at least. I had heard everything about them when I spoke with my father. He left no detail out.
“Morning, everyone,” Hotchner started. “I called you all in early today so you could meet the newest addition to the team. This is Agent (y/n) Rossi.”
To the sound of my name most of the mouths in the room dropped.
“Rossi, as in David Rossi?” The slender, messy haired agent said. I could only assume that was Spencer Reid. As my father had described him, a curly mess dressed in vests.
I nodded.
“Rossi, you didn’t tell us you had such a beautiful daughter.” That would be Derek Morgan. The hottie Casanova with a silver tongue.
“I hadn’t?” My father questioned and smirked, knowing full well the answer.
“Well, he’s talked a lot about all of you,” I smiled.
“All good things I hope,” Emily smiled.
“Great things,” I returned the smile. “I could probably make out who is who by the things he’s told me.”
“Go ahead,” Aaron challenged.
“Alright,” I cleared my throat and started going around the table. “Curly hair, vests, analyzing everything I’ve done and said since I walked in… you’re Spencer Reid.”
He smiled brightly.
“Tall, dark, handsome, and a silver tongue. Plus, you checked me out as soon as the doors of the elevator opened… Derek Morgan.”
He smirked.
“Calm, cool, and collected. Quiet but present, inspecting my presence here… you’re Emily Prentiss.”
“She’s good,” Emily muttered to Morgan beside her. I continued.
“And last but not least, bright colors, fun accessories,” I said looking at Garcia. “Even though you’re smiling, you’re not sure about me yet because you don’t like change and are probably going to dig up everything you can on me as soon as you can… Penelope Garcia.”
She stiffened and Derek chuckled.
“Don’t worry, I get it. I do not like change that much either. And here,” I reached my hand into my bag to pull out a rather thick folder. “I’ll save you the work. Background check, complete internet history, social medias, and all the whatnots you would need to build a very extensive profile.”
“Oh, thank you,” she reached out her hand and grabbed the folder, smiling at the floor.
“And well, I already know Agent Hotchner and my father, so they don’t need much of an introduction.”
“No, but you do,” my father said joining my side. “Tell them a bit about yourself.”
“Well, I have a bachelor, two masters, and a doctorate degree: I’m 23, I’m Rossi’s daughter…” In the middle of my thought process dad cut in.
“She’s beautiful, she’s intelligent, and she’s the one I call when I’m stuck on a case.” I smiled.
“She also passed every test with flying colors,” Aaron added. “And her profiling skills are exceptional.”
“Thank you,” I blushed. “I think it runs in my blood.”
“Well, welcome to the team,” Aaron continued. “Let’s get to work.”
That was almost three years ago. A couple of days after, I met JJ who had visited with her newborn son Henry.
In very little time I had grown attached to this family. I was most of the time partnered with Spence and we developed an amazing bond. It did help that I loved playing chess and we could have highly erudite talks. Also, I very much enjoyed his over sharing of facts. But really, I was close to them all. On my spare time I was found watching movies with Derek and Penny, perusing book shops with Reid, having girl nights with JJ, Penny, and Emily, or sipping on top grade scotch while finishing paperwork with Hotch.
Spending time with Hotch was my favorite pastime of all.
I realized I had developed feelings for him the day he was captured by Foyet and left at the hospital. Receiving the call from Emily that she had found blood at his apartment literally knocked the air out of my lungs. Reid could tell that my reaction would not have been the same where it had been any of the other members. For some time, he had deduced my attraction to our unit chief. Once we had captured Patrick Meyers and Reid had been sent off to a hospital, we sped off to St. Sebastian Hospital. I could feel my heartbeat going faster and faster as I felt time slipping by. More than once I had asked Morgan to go faster and with sorry eyes, he told me he was going as fast as he could.
Seeing Hotch on a hospital bed, greatly hurt, broke me. I knew everyone on the team, just like Reid, had figured it out. I was the first one in when the doctor announced he was waking up. His eyes fluttered open as JJ, the last one to enter, made it in.
“Where am I?” He groggily asked.
“In the hospital,” dad answered.
My eyes could not leave his face, even as all I wanted was to imagine him in a different state. Derek told him how he made it to the hospital and Emily asked Hotch what had happened. Closing his eyes, Hotch explained step by step how everything had gone down. Upon more investigation, we quickly figured what Foyet had taken and, a page from his planner that held his ex-wife’s and son’s current address and a picture of them, respectively.
Once we had that information, the team knew exactly what to do. Emily and I volunteered to stay behind and update the team if anything changed. As soon as he went to sleep, we let out a locked breath. But the relief was short lived as his pulse started to get exceedingly fast.
“What happened?” The doctor asked.
“I don’t know,” I croakily muttered out. Emily put a hand on my back as I softly touched his arm.
“Agent Hotchner. Can you hear me?” The doctor called out. “Agent Hotchner?”
He finally opened his eyes and responded. “I’m okay.”  
The doctor asked us out of the room as she checked on him and Emily helped stabilize my walk as we made it out. I saw the doctor and a nurse check him as I picked the skin of the thumb of my right hand. Emily noticed and grabbed it, knowing well of my nervous ticks. The other being closing my fist hard enough to dig my nails in it.
“He’ll be okay,” she smiled. “You know he’s a fighter.”
I softly smiled at her, not knowing if she said it for me or for her to believe it too.
Once we knew Haley and Jack were safe the three of us let out a relieved sigh. Hotch squeezed the hand I had been holding as he slept, needing the reassurance of a trusted presence next to him. He asked Emily about the scene at his apartment, but she could not give him definite answers. In a moment of silence, she excused herself to go buy coffee and I took this chance to ask him what had been going through my head.
“Do you wanna talk about what happened?” I asked worry evident in my eyes.
Sighing, he responded. “I don’t know. After he stabbed me the first time, it all goes blank.”
He looked straight into my eyes and I could tell he knew more than he let on, but now was not the time to push him. He had been drained: physically, emotionally, and mentally. In that moment, Haley walked in and I let go of his hand to leave them to talk. From outside of the room, I could hear the heartbreaking moment and knowing he was in pain shattered my heart. That day had absolutely devastated us as a team, but it only made us more determined to find Foyet and end him.
But life and work went on. The whole month he was off, I spent most of my free time helping in his recovery and his healing, using the little training I had in wound treatment. The other part of my time I spent with Reid, who was also in recovery. A far less pressing injury, but an injury, nonetheless. And he was my best friend, so I could not completely abandon him.  
We were all worried about him coming back to the team with Foyet still out there, but dad reassured us he would only be more motivated. Yet the first case back, he was different. He was usually professional and understanding, now it seemed that no matter how well we worked, we would make a mistake. And when we finally tracked down the unsub and he made his way inside the house, no vest, and no gun, I knew there was something different in him. I tried to follow him inside, but dad stopped me.
“We have to trust him,” he told me. Even with those words we were all unsure of the outcome. My head was working 1,000 miles a minute coming up with different ways this could all end up in, and when I heard the gunshots, my mind only went to the darkest end. Quickly we stormed in the house and saw Hotch putting handcuffs on Darrin, and a very dead Jarvis on a recliner.  
My father spent most of his time with me reassuring me that Hotch was still the same man he had been a month before. And I spent most of my time with Hotch reassuring him that he was not alone.
At the end of most cases Emily, dad, and I sat with Hotch in his office to drink a cup of scotch and unwind after a stressful day. I stayed nights overtime often and was there on the night that Strauss had landed a surprise visit to his office. The next day he became hyper focused on Derek’s work, which later he revealed to me the reason why. The bureau was questioning his leadership and he meant to step down as unit chief at the end of that week. This ended with Derek becoming active unit chief whilst Hotch was being investigated.
The days that followed were quite strange. We were used to taking orders from Hotch and now taking orders from Morgan was completely different. But business went on as usual. We worked on cases just as hard and solved them just as efficiently. With one case always hanging on us like a dark cloud. George Foyet. With every case we finished we knew he was still out there, which meant that Hotch was still hurting and hunting.  
But the dreaded day had caught up to us. With the last case we had been on in Hampton we knew Foyet had found Hotch. He was taunting Hotch, dangling his life in front of him. Once he had sent us that calling card, we pressed harder on our investigation, pulling at whatever string we could find.
Thankfully, JJ pulled our medication string harder when she found out about the ability to substitute prescriptions with over-the-counter meds. We worked tirelessly and strongly to shorten the investigation part of this case. We needed to catch him, fast.
“Wait a minute, guys. Foyet likes things that have meaning to him,” I said looking at the map presented in front of us. I could see that Reid knew where I was going.
“The eye of providence, the addresses in blood he wrote on the bus that led back to him,” Spence added, and I nodded.
“Maybe he’s doing the same with his name,” I said as Reid wrote down George Foyet on the board.
“Like an anagram or something,” Emily chimed. Quickly, Reid got to work on the theory crossing out and circling letters. Adding ‘The Reaper’ onto the board and utilizing it, once Hotch had pointed out Foyet gave himself that name. He kept up this process until the name Peter Rhea came to existence.
Garcia tracked down the name and quickly found an address in Arlington. We had found him, but it was just too easy.
We were waiting outside of the apartment building for too long, waiting for something, anything. Once Morgan had given his orders, the plan was set in motion. Still, something in the back of my mind kept telling me it was too easy. We stormed the empty apartment and searched for anything that would help us find his actual location. His computer was quickly deleting files, but Garcia was better. Haley’s protection unit was in trouble.
As soon as it clicked, we were on our way to the stash house. Inside the house Marshal Sam Kassmeyer was hurt, losing blood quickly. With the little he was able to tell us we knew that Haley and Jack were in danger. Sam had not told Foyet anything, but George was smart, unfortunately. He had disguised himself as a Marshal and lied to Haley to get her where he needed her. Only him had communication with her. Everyone was on edge wanting nothing more than to find this man.
In the office we heard Hotch’s conversation with Foyet. He was working hard to buy some time for us to find him but knowing George he already had a plan set in motion. He had eyes on the pair, he was with them. I could only imagine what Hotch was going through.
“Alright, Foyet has to be in control,” Derek said, breaking me out of my thoughts. “He had Haley come to him.”
“Yeah, but where would he take her?” Spencer asked. We all started thinking and speculating. There was something in the call that told Hotch where to go. That was the key.
“Reid, what did he say, exactly?” I emphasized on the last word.
“Haley’s hair looks good dark. She’s lost some weight. It must be because of all the stress you caused her. Where’s the little man? Oh, there he is now. Do you think he likes Captain America because of you? That’s your wife on the other line. Hold, please. Hi. Open the gate and I’ll drive in.” Spencer recited in a monotone voice.
“Open the gate?” My father questioned.
“It would be someplace with the biggest emotional impact for Hotch,” I said looking down to organize my thoughts.
“And Haley has access to the gate,” Derek added, and it clicked.
“Their house,” I said. “Where they lived together.”
“Of course,” Emily said. “Foyet planned this all the way to the end. It’s everything to him.”
“He wants to take over Hotch’s house, to be in control, to prove his dominance,” I finished. We knew where he was going, and I was sure Hotch knew too and was already on his way.
On the way, Hotch got a call from Foyet’s phone. It was Hayley. I heard the emotion grabbing him by the throat. We could hear the whole conversation and my heart broke when he asked Hayley the magic words.
“Tell Jack that I need him working on the case,” Hotch breathed out. One drunken night he had told me about how he had found Jack inside a storage bench in his office after he had knocked on it. The smiling kid had told his father that he was working the case with Hotch. Hotch knew what was going to happen and so did I. This was the best chance Jack had at survival.
When Hotch told Jack to hug his mom and he said I love you, I let out a loud sob and Emily grabbed my hand tightly for support. But I was not the one that need the care. Hotch did. Haley’s words would forever be engraved in my head, and in the heads of our friends.
Three gunshots rang through the line right before it cut. Then I could not hold back the tears. I knew. I just knew.
Hotch was the first one on the scene and all I thought of was that he did not have a vest or any backup, so god knows what could have happened. For the second time in a matter of months all I could ask for was that Morgan drove faster.
At the house, Morgan was the first one in and the scene that unfolded in front of us was heartbreaking. Hotch was hitting Foyet over and over, and Derek had to hold him back. He was dead. I surveyed the scene and instinctively went to Hotch’s office, Hotch following close behind. Jack had to be there. I let Hotch walk past me and watched as relief overtook him when he lifted the lid.
“I work the case, daddy,” Jack said. Unbeknownst to everything that had happened. “Just like you said.”
“You did a great job buddy,” Hotch lifted his son out of the bench.
“What happened to you, daddy?”
“I’m okay. I want you to go outside with Ms. Jareau. Ok?” The child walked to JJ and she took him out in her arms.
And Hotch let go. He silently cried and I helped him make his way to where Haley laid. I stood by the door and turned away a police officer. Morgan stood up and squeezed my shoulder as he left the room behind the officer. I stayed outside of the doorframe, listening to the sobs of a strong man.
Next->
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4ragon · 3 years
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Any Simon Blackquill thoughts?
Bro you have no idea how many thoughts I have about Simon Blackquill.
I keep saying this, but I used to hate this dude a lot. I went into Dual Destinies with a lot of spoilers, but I hadn’t realized that Simon Blackquill was just a dude convicted of murder?? Prosecuting?? For some reason??? And again, DD was that game that really liked to stretch the limit of my tolerance. I get that they retroactively make it work like they do with every other ‘pushing the limits’ plot twist they’d take away at the last second, but at the time, it was just one more “Oh okay, they’re just going to not care about making sense” to add to the pile. It was stupid! And Simon was a mean asshole, I didn’t get him. I didn’t get why people cared about him. Sure his backstory was sweet but what was the point of what he was doing anyway? I didn’t get it.
And for a while after I finished Dual Destinies, that was kind of it. He was a frustrating presence, and he was boring and bland, and I didn’t care for him.
And then I replayed Dual Destinies with some friends, and I realized: Oh? Wait. This guy is genuinely kind of funny????
Like. Simon Blackquill is really funny. He’s funny! He talks like a fucking ye olde samurai for literally no reason, and the things he says make no sense. He switches rapidly between angry no-nonsense asshole and “Ah Yes Your Baldness That Man Is A Ghost” and then he just up and leaves in the middle of court to go for a walk??? Like. He’s unhinged and weird and I appreciate that.
So that was it, right? He went from Bland and Uninteresting to Funny. Maybe that was enough. Surely there wasn’t more to it than that, right?
Listen. You guys. I think Simon Blackquill is my favorite prosecutor.
He’s got all these layers to him. There’s this angry no-nonsense ruthless prosecutor, who is dangerous and scary, who threatens people who annoy him, who has this short fuse. And then he’s refusing to respect a single person he talks to like some sort of petulant, sulking teenager, calling the judge Your Baldness and lounging backwards at the bench and falling asleep during a very boring testimony. And he laughs at his own jokes even if they’re bad, and he loves that fucking bird so much, getting angry and menacing when someone said “Birdbrain” in a derogatory way. Guys, he was So Stoked To Kill A Whale. And for what??
And then you add into the mix the fact that he’s on death row for a crime he didn’t commit.
Like. How much of how he presents himself was a defense mechanism of a scared young man who had to pretend to be a ruthless murderer at all costs? He had to be this violent, scary monster because the moment he stopped was the moment the jig was up, the moment he failed. There was not a person alive who knew that he was innocent, other than Athena and the Phantom, and the fact of the matter is, there was no instance where Simon could let that facade drop even for a second, probably even for himself.
Like he had to have been terrified to let his guard drop with anyone. For one, as a man who was supposed to put criminals in prison, being this ruthless scary monster was probably his biggest defense he had in prison. And conversely he couldn’t even drop the act around people he trusted if he had any hope of convincing them he murdered his mentor in cold blood.
And he was so ready to die for Athena, too. He was so close to his execution. And he had to keep pretending, keep building these walls around his heart just to save one girl from taking the blame. He’s an asshole, and I wonder how much of that was a conscious effort to drive people away? How much of it was him not wanting to hurt people by getting close to them, and how much was him not wanting to hurt himself? I feel like he did desperately want to be saved, wanted to cling to life, was terrified of what was happening, but anything that could possibly give him that hope was also just as quickly going to damn Athena, and he couldn’t even let himself care about that, or about his own personal wellbeing, since after all, he himself was throwing all that away anyway. All he could do was cry in private, letting his tears stain his face but not even caring enough to wipe them away.
I’ve said it before, but the Simon who went to prison and the Simon who was released from prison had to be two different people. He spent so much time becoming the Twisted Samurai and facing his own mortality that so much of who he was had to have been warped and twisted just to survive, just to keep himself together until he could be sacrificed for his mentor’s child.
There’s clearly so much trauma wrapped up in him. And yet there’s still this twisted humor that he thrives on. He fucks with the other inmates by greasing the floors, he asks Apollo if he wants to come back to his prison cell for the night for Some Fucking Reason and then has to write fucking Lines like a middle schooler. He’s trying to squeeze all this humor out of his shitty taste of freedom as he hurls himself off a cliff, while still being an uncooperative asshole to everyone around him.
Shit, dude, I love Simon a lot. I love characters clinging so desperately to these facades they create to protect themselves. I love characters who are so desperately lonely and still lash out to keep people away from them. I love it. I love it so much.
And I love that he’s a little more chill in SoJ. He’s reconnecting with some old friends, eating at restaurants he used to love. He’s still spending time with Athena and growing past the horrible shit he’s been through. And he’s still this smug, uncooperative asshole, butting heads with anyone and everyone he physically can, but there’s no longer that air of “A dying man recklessly wringing everything he can out of the last year of his life,” now he’s just enjoying being an asshole. And you know what? I think he’s earned it.
There was an artbook or something that described pre-prison Simon as polite and reserved. I do like to think there was a mischievous side to him too, especially given the fact that he had someone like Aura as an older sister. But he was just a polite, gentle soul who had to twist himself into something horrible just to get through to the other side. And now he gets to heal and grow, and get a new chance at life that was taken from him for seven years.
Shit. I can’t believe how much I’ve grown to care about this shithead.
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rintarous · 4 years
Text
fuckboy!tendou
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[ masterlist ] + LAST INSTALMENT FOR ME D: hope you all enjoyed them ! <3 ++ BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIRACLE BOY, SATORI!!!!! 
kageyama | kita | osamu | suna  
miracle boy tendou satori
the shameless fuckboy
this sexy ass mf 
bed monster is what people describe him 
rumor has it that he breaks beds on the daily 
people claim he’s a literal god at sex 
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
this all started when he ran out of hair wax and entered school with his hair down
hair down!tendou hits different
next thing he knew bitches were lining up to him giving him gifts or bluntly flirting with him
since then he kept his hair down at all times
but when he doesn’t feel like,,, attending people’s needs,, he puts it up like usual heh
and ofc my dude enjoyed every attention he got
he’s winking left to right at any passersby who look at his direction
making that person simp for him
tendou tingz ✨ 
anywho
he loves seeing his fling walk awkwardly after the cute lil activity they did the night before
but the downside to being his fling, after your quick heaven, he ghosts on you
💀💀💀
you might be wondering what do i mean by he’s the shameless fuckboy right?? well,,,,,
lets say he sees his ex fling out in the open, he’d shout shit like
“AYO BABYGIRL HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? BEEN A WHILE SINCE OUR LAST FUCK” 
embarrassing not only himself but the fling in general
but ppl think hes joking cs he lets out a loud ass laugh after saying that almost as if hes joking
which in his case.. he’s not 🤡
hes so shameless that he’d fuck with his flings in his dorm room that he shares with ushijima wakatoshi himself 
tendou has the top bunk so they fuck up there while ushjima has his earphones on full blast watching volleyball matches on his phone, completely ignoring the squeaking and shaking bed jesus christ
please send help to ushiwaka 2020
there are some days where tendou just feels,,, empty inside
despite having a line of fangirls wanting him
but he knows they just want him for his body and not who truly is
so when days like that ^^ happens, he just stays quiet and close off everyone around him
(also keeps his hair up lol)
anyway
during his emo days, you just somehow miraculously tripped over your own feet
in front of him
but thanks to tendou’s fast reflexes he caught your arm just in time before you kiss the cold hard floor
it took a big fat minute for you two to understand what was going on
tendou snaps out of his lil trance and helps you get back on your feet
“you okay there?” he would ask, his eyes filled with concern
by now you’ve realized what happened and you were now blushing to no ends
“uhh.. yeah thanks!” you blushed, rushing away from him and yet you almost trip over yourself AGAIN but this time you caught yourself 
tendou watches you walk away from him with a small smile
“she’s cute...” he thinks to himself before going back to his sulky mode 
the next day rolls in and he’s no longer in his emo mode so he’s back to being his fuckboy ass self
though the interaction with you is still lingering in the back of his head
so there he was,, minding his own business ya know the drill 
winking and flirting with anyone and anything 
yk fuckboy things
til you tapped his shoulder
he swirls around his chair to offer a smirk but a small gasp escaped from his mouth instead
its you !!! 
ok ngl this dude’s mood just went through the roof he’s so happy to see you again and the fact you reached out to him 
“i kinda feel bad for you know.. you witnessing me trip over my own feet and you kinda helped me and now i feel even more bad so can i buy you something from the cafe downstairs as a form of a thank you..?” you say, fiddling with your hands
which tendou noticed btw 
“so like a date?” tendou jokes 
was it getting hot in the classroom or was that just your face burning in embarrassment
“ah! n-no! of course not” you waved your hands around (see: midoriya)
tendou lets out a grin, “i’m kidding and sure. let’s just eat lunch together” he smiles 
lunch time rolls in and you and tendou walk inside the cafe the school had together
you were kinda skittish cs people were staring at you like some sort of prey
to which he tells you its because of him 
“it’s because of me haha sorry bout that” he giggles, ordering himself a latte and whatever you order
you knew about his reputation
that was mainly the reason why you ran away from him the day you tripped over your own feet but he caught you
but surprisingly he’s actually a really nice person !
he’s got that quirky personality with amazing humor that gets you laughing at anything he says
and he reads mangas too!!
though you only read my hero academia and bungo stray dogs,, you two still got along because of that
“who’s your favorite character in my hero?” he asks, his eyes sparkling
“definitely bakugo for sure” you say in awe, dreamily thinking about bakugo 
“i like the protagonist! deku is that bitch”  he shares, staring at you in the eyes
“what about in stray dogs?” this time it was your turn to ask
“hmm...” he thinks for a moment, “akutagawa” he answers
“holy shit same! but i like dazai too” 
in the end you two skipped classes and just stayed in the cafe til it was dark out either talking about mangas or just getting to know each other
this also means he walked you back to your dorm
“this is me.. hehe” you giggled, scratching the back of your head sheepishly as you two stop at the girls dormitory building
“see you around y/n-chan~ goodnight” tendou waves as he walks back to his dorm
after that tendou’s fuckboy habits have noticeably decreased
he barely talks or entertains his flings or girls who are after him in general
and his eyes and his overall demeanour would lighten up if he sees you or he talks to you
it was actually really sweet
“so no new chick on your radar these past few weeks?” you ask as you stared at him while eating your pasta
tendou sighs dreamily, “yep” he says popping the ‘p’ at the end
“that’s strange. aren’t you in your eye candy form right now?” you raised a brow, ruffling his already messy hair 
“i mean.. yeah i am in eye candy form” he winks making you giggle
his favorite sound
you resumed eating your pasta and tendou does the same til suddenly this bitch starts making beeping noises
“BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP” tendou beeps(?)
“what the fuck satori” you laughed out loud, almost choking on your food
“my chick radar detected a chick!” he exclaims, pointing his fingers around as if it’s pinpointing the target
then his finger stops at you
you turned around in case there was someone behind you til you realized it was only the two of you in the cafe
(you two skipped classes again)
“me?” you point to yourself in shock
“no i meant the ghost behind you. what’s up casper?” he says with the most deadpan expression, “of course it’s you!” 
“you’re really cute and i like being around you” he shyly confessed, ruffling his hair as force of habit when he’s nervous
you stared at him in shock, still not processing his confession
tendou takes a peek at your shocked expression on the corner of his eye, “its okay if you don’t feel the same i was just sayi-”
you shut him up by giving him a kiss on the cheek
“lucky for you, i like you too” you blushed
“you do?!” now it was his turn to be shocked
“no” you blep at him making him laugh
“didn’t think you’d take revenge on me you meanie” he pouts, tucking your hair behind your ear as you smile widely at your new boyfriend
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michaels-reality · 3 years
Note
jsaghka whats wrong with ok ko?
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Okay so I will spoil the whole main plot of the series with it but there are 3 main problems I’m gonna get into with this series and it’s problems with character design, jokes on child neglect, and ableism with system caricatures. And this is coming from someone who enjoys the show before anyone thinks I’m just hating to hate on it. But again, these issues are so big for me that I would not recommend this show to anyone skjhskjf.
1. Issues with character design
Alright, so first off, please look at this picture of the majority of the women of the show and tell me what’s wrong with it?
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Yeah! Almost all of them have the exact same body type! I’ve seen people praise ok ko with its diverse character design but if you boil it down, almost all the women have the same cinched waist and big hips. And for the characters the characters that do have different body types, it's almost unfair to compare them to the rest of the characters, like you can’t compare Carol to Rippy Roo because Rippy Roo is an actual animal. And you can’t compare Dendy to Enid, because Dendy is a child and Enid is a teenager. And for the Ladies that have an actual difference in body type, that’s like 6 characters out of how many? And to those characters that have different body types, the Hue Troops only show up for 2 episodes and even then the main focus isn’t on them so they barely get any screen time, Punching Trudy shows up for one episode to fight Punching Judy, Pheobe shows up for 7 episodes but she’s a background character and I don’t ever remember her speaking, and then there’s Foxtail. Foxtail is probably the only female character that has a different body type that has an important role in the story and shows up for more than just background appearances.
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Compared to the men in the show, there is way more diversity but even then, there is a lot of making the upper half of them bigger and giving them tiny hips and legs. 
There is also the issue that kinda pisses me off is the racial ambiguity of everyone. Like most of the characters aren’t even human so whatever, but there are characters like enid that have darker skin but she has straight purple hair so what are we supposed to get from that? I mean, I guess there is some wiggle room for anyone that isn’t white to claim her but then you start to see that all these darker skinned characters seem to always have straight hair and that’s also a problem. The only character I can confidently say is black is foxtail and she has straight hair. And the only character that is said to have curls and an afro is RADICLES who is BLUE and an ALIEN! Like it makes me mad that our curly haired and black coded character is designed like this. Like, I get it, he’s an alien, he’s blue, he’s not human, BUT WHY DID HE HAVE TO BE THE ONLY ONE? WHY CAN’T THERE BE ANOTHER CHARACTER WHO IS DARKER SKINNED AND CURLY HAIRED? 
It’s so ironic given that ok ko has one of the BEST racism metaphors I’ve ever seen in episode 28. Dendy says kappas don’t need pow cards to be heros but it feels nice to be appreciated but this show is not making me feel very appreciated right now sjglksjgds.
2. Jokes about child neglect/abuse
OKAY! BOXMAN! I LOVE BOXMAN BUT WHAT THE FUCK?
Okay, so in the show, Lord Boxman has robot minions that he is constantly annoyed with the performance of and punishes them and yells at them. AND I WOULDN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS IF BOXMAN DIDN’T REFER TO THEM AS HIS CHILDREN! It’s shown in the show that Boxman raised them as baby robots and they call him daddy and they have a very familial relationship. But it’s constantly joked about with Boxman saying how they never make him proud not taken seriously in the show. Like, in the second episode, one of the first things we see Boxman do is put Darrel in the furnace and Darrel says “I deserve this” BUT DON’T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY CUS DARREL IS A ROBOT AND HE’S BACK 2 SECONDS LATER! The robots get emotional over any sense of approval, like at the end of “Villains Night In” Darrel and Shannon literally fall apart after Boxman gives them shirts and says to “keep up the good work”, and the end of Plazalypmics, Darrel, Shannon, and Raymond get participation trophies and are really happy with that. Like, this isn’t normal.
The whole relationship between the robots and Boxman is actually pretty toxic and kind of bothers me sometimes. The robots seem to have a very intense sibling rivalry but it’s over the affection of Boxman, which is unhealthy but most of the time it’s just played off as funny joke for the tv. And it becomes even more apparent because episodes without Boxman, like Rad likes robots, it shows them getting along fine and even worrying about each other. And in season 2, Boxman comes back from the sun and Darrel stands up to him and says he doesn’t need him anymore, but one “I’m proud of you” from Boxman and Darrel is back to wanting his approval. LIKE ITS ALMOST NEVER FRAMED AS A BAD THING OR TAKEN SERIOUSLY! I AM NOT A FAN OF HOW THEY TREAT THIS! Like, I can admit it gets better after Venomous comes into the picture and Boxman has that realization of “oh I should be proud of my kids achievements” but to me it looks like this whole forgiving your abuser plot line and I fucking hate it! And Boxman still admits to incinerating his robots after the company switches over to his and Venomous’ ownership when discussing what to do to punish them and he says “I usually see improvement in my robots after I incinerate them.” 
And even if it got better, it’s still played off as a joke in all of season one and normalizes terrible behavior. Child neglect in tv shows, especially in children’s media, played off jokes and funny are never good and can be insensitive to children who are in these situations seeing it played up for laughs. You can argue that being on the villain’s side frames it as a bad thing but that kinda loses meaning in a show like ok ko where you start to see the villains as regular people and not necessarily bad, just “evil”. I just feel like this could have been treated so much better and not trivialized like this.
3. System Caricatures and ableism
Let me start off by saying, I am a singlet and I don’t have as much authority on this type of thing so feel free to correct me on anything I get wrong or add on in anyway. 
With that said, KO and TKO along with Shadowy Figure and Professor Venomous are terrible system caricatures. KO is 6-11 years old is prime age to develop a system, so when shadowy figure comes into KO’s life and traumatizes him, he splits. And so we begin our little “evil alter ego”(quoting the show! using this phrasing is terrible and should never describe a system like that) stereotype.
I’ve talked about OK KO with my friends who are systems and it makes them mad that this show had so many moments to be good system rep and then it turns around and fucks everything up! Like TKO could have been written well. TKO is very clear on stating he isn’t KO and is his own person but everyone still refers to him KO and treats him like a bad thing because he isn’t KO. And when TKO acts out due to being referred to as KO and rightfully being upset, they act like it is some evil act against them and they need KO back! Like, the show misses its own point so much!!! If they treated TKO like a person (which he is!!!!!) then half the problems they have wouldn’t be a problem in the first place. And TKO has done nothing wrong other than wanting to front! KO even talks about TKO as another person but they address him as such! 
The way people talk about TKO in this show makes me so mad, like when Dendy does tests on KO in “Mystery Science Fair 201X” to bring out TKO, TKO finally comes out to deal with the feelings KO can’t deal with and then they almost do it right when Dendy realizes she was the one that fucked up and then SHE APOLOGIZES TO KO INSTEAD OF TKO FSDGHSDFJ!!! And they always treat TKO as a threat as if he’s a danger! Like TKO’s a kid just like KO and acted out when the people around him upset him! Like a kid! And the last time TKO shows up in season one in the finale, TKO actually SAVES everyone in the plaza and leads the battle away from the plaza but because “oh but TKO is the evil” they go and try to stop him from saving them? Like yeah he got a little reckless but he only ended up hurting people in the plaza when Rad and Enid interfered. They treat him like a problem because they MAKE him a problem! 
Also, the moments where everyone tries to bring KO back by saying “you are loved” and all that, that’s actually really manipulative! Like, they’re using positive triggers to kick TKO out of front and that’s actually a really rude thing to do. They’re trying to bring to front who THEY want to see and it’s not fair to TKO who is fronting. It also goes the other way around when Dendy is experimenting on TKO to try and get him to front.
And then even KO treats him terribly, locking him in a cage, then keeping him in his head all the time, and then when he finally lets TKO out and TKO acts out from being locked in his own head for so long, KO then traps TKO in his subconscious. Which is terrible! TKO should be allowed to front and should be treated like his own person! It’s so weird how the show almost gets it right but then does shit like this that makes it terrible again. Like KO has a headspace and he creates things in his headspace and he talks to TKO like another person and they communicate their feelings but then the show turns this all on their head when KO locks TKO away and blames him for destroying everything when he’s the one trapping him in his brain. 
There is also the problem with TKO being the one with all the power and changing his appearance cus that all contributes to the system caricature. Also, TKO and KO integrating at the end of the series? ALSO VERY BAD AND HARMFUL CARICATURE! Alters are different people and they should be treated as different people and KO is not TKO all along THEY ARE DIFFERENT PEOPLE! And integration is possible but it’s usually not by choice. And even then, integration being the end goal of a story is a very ableist narrative and shouldn’t be written.
And it confuses me, why does shadowy figure have his own pow card but TKO doesn’t. Like, KO and TKO are established more as being different people than Shadowy Figure and Venomous so why doesn’t he get his own pow card? Like the end of season one, TKO fought the fight at the plaza and used his power to defeat Boxman jr but at the end KO ends up leveling up instead. And on the topic of TKO’s power, again, that shouldn’t be a thing. TKO and KO should both have access to the same power because they use the same body because that's how systems work! They use the same body!
And I know what the show was trying to do like “oh TKO is a manifestation of all the bad feelings that KO has!” but there are so many ways to do that without making a caricature of systems. Like if you didn’t make TKO a person then this would have been fine. Like if other people didn’t see TKO this could have been fine. There are ways to make a manifestation of your negative emotions without doing it like this. And the way this show did it is such bad writing, because you are meant to think TKO is this terrible manifestation of emotions but all you see is this scared kid who doesn’t know where he is and lashes out when he gets rightfully upset. BECAUSE LET ME REMIND YOU! TKO AND KO ARE BOTH 6-11 YEARS OLD! THEY ARE KIDS! THEY’RE SITUATION SHOULDN’T BE TREATED THIS WAY
And my guy shadowy figure...... bad. Shadowy Figure and Venomous’ is not only a terrible caricature but also very inaccurate. With KO and TKO, their system developed at the correct time as a child, but with Shadowy Figure and Venomous, they developed after Venomous got his snake disease. And, Venomous doesn’t even know about Shadowy Figure and that can be a result of dissociative amnesia but it’s really unfortunate. And again! the end of the series! Shadowy Figure and Venomous integrate into one entity and it’s terrible! Because they aren’t the same person and shouldn’t be treated as the same person! And again with the whole “evil alter ego”. Like Shadowy figure only exists to traumatize KO and make him split and create TKO. And the fact that they turn out to be KO’s dad??? Yikes??? Like again, these are terrible caricatures and are harmful to systems and should’ve been treated better in the show.
---
Like, I love OK KO, I used to hold this show very close to my heart and made me very happy to see this show with the amount of LGBT rep but looking back it was very bad in many ways. Like that racism episode I mentioned, that shit resonates with me! And I appreciate characters like Dendy and KO and I still love the boxbots and venomous, I just wished this show lived up to the potential that it had.
TL;DR: OK KO has a problem with misogynistic character design and colorism, normalizes child neglect, and has put out an ableist narrative with system caricatures.
175 notes · View notes
opalescient · 3 years
Text
haikyuu fic recs — the most beautiful, lovely, breathtaking masterlist (vol. I)
so i’ve been binging fics to cure my sadness, and i thought that these select masterpieces were too magnificent to not be plastered on every billboard ever. some tore my soul into shreds, while others melted said shreds back whole, but all of them made me feel some form of sheer, unadulterated love, so. please enjoy! 🥰⛅️✨
note: all of these fics are exquisite and you should read all of them, but if you’re short of time, those with ☆ are my all-time favourites!
daisuga
butterfly in the subway by bigspoonnoya ☆ | T
Sugawara Koushi has no idea he's already in love with the man he's supposed to hate.
i lovelovelove how all the concepts tied in together like a perfectly wrapped gift
also very wholesome, made me feel so inexplicably warm. like, love can exist everywhere!!! despite everything!!! that’s just so inspiring
i revisited this many times, i think it was (one of) my first haikyuu fics and honestly. it set the bar so high and i have no regrets
you’d fit my lonely arms so perfectly by boxofwonder ☆ | G
“Oh. You're. Not Asahi.”
Calmed down enough that he can speak again, Daichi takes a deep breath, his smile settling on his face easily and wide.
“Not as far as I know, no.”
-
Suga accidentally calls a stranger instead of his best friend, tells him all about his burned batch of cookies before realising, and that particular mistake might turn out the best one he ever made.
major, major fluff
the buildup!!!
god this made my yearning for love so much worse
the perfect stranger by downmoon | T
There’s a man standing outside Suga's door.
Scratch that. Start over.
There’s a man he doesn’t know standing outside his door, holding his sleeping nephew in one arm, with another kid clinging tightly to his free hand.
so domestic please read the entire series from start to finish it has my whole heart
shoyou and tobio as their actual kids 🥺
these two parents are so in love it makes me wanna cry
asanoya
silica sand by lilien passe ☆ | G
Overworked, over-stressed programmer Azumane Asahi works on the top floor of a Shinjuku skyscraper. Nervous around his coworkers and terrified of the long drop on the other side of the window, Asahi falls into a miserable routine, only to have it broken one day by a simple message on the outside of the glass.
PLEASE. so well-written it makes my heart glow and ache simultaneously
made me ascend into asanoya heaven
such a brilliantly unique concept i love it A+
qué syrah syrah by loudlucy | M
Asahi wants to be a Master Sommelier. It's the highest honor in wine service, and the certification would allow him to live the life he's always envisioned for himself. Too bad the certification test is notorious for being the world's most difficult.
Most people fail their first time taking the exam, and Asahi is no exception, but he has more difficulty than most dusting himself off and getting back on his feet. Enter Nishinoya, a young man who shares his same dream, and who believes in their goals so fiercely it forces Asahi to embark on a delicious and sensuous journey of viticulture and validation.
AKA The Wine Tasting AU that literally no one even knew to ask for.
NOTE: You Do Not Need to Know About Wine to Understand This Fic!
another super unique concept!!! (´∀`=)
my god their chemistry is amazing
the writing made me feel things ngl
stop my bones from wondering by cerasi ☆ | T
After graduation, Asahi hides from the world and needs help from a few sources to find his way back.
i want to write sonnets and sing ballads for this fic, it’s that beautiful
as always, Top Notch Writing *chef’s kiss*
no but i seriously... can i kiss the author? asking for a friend 😳👉🏼👈🏼
iwaoi
star-crossed by starlitcities | T
“I never thought I’d see the day that I’d envy a human,” Oikawa admits, showering himself in tiny suns, because he can actually feels those, like a fusillade of warm kisses on luminous skin that leave marks. To humans, they’d be freckles. Skin stars, Oikawa calls them. He didn’t make that up, a human did.
“Who created the rule that we can’t touch, I wonder,” Iwaizumi ponders, floating heedlessly through space.
“Maybe it’s because we can fly. Humans dream of flying, right?”
“I don’t think so.”
gsjsgsjshsjshsjsj star!iwaoi
they’re LITERALLY STARS
beautifulbeautifulbeautiful i love how the author conveyed the beauty of touch and humanity 🥺🥺
please bless yourself further with the sequel sun-kissed
conquering the great king by suggestivescribe ☆| E
Iwaizumi blinked his gaze over to Oikawa, "Last time was supposed to be a one time thing," he said, voice low, lacking some conviction.
Oikawa's lips twitched into a smirk and he brought them hovering just over Iwaizumi's, "One time thing, Two time thing, what's it matter as long as it's not a Relationship thing?"
yes.
in fact, this entire series (breaking the rules) features daisuga, kuroken, asanoya and it’s SO GOOD. every single one.
but anyway, character development!!!!! plot!!!!!!!!! writing!!!!!!!! i’m here for it all
tsukkiyama
campfire in your chest by deanpendragon ☆ | M
Kei realizes in their second year of high school that he’s probably been in love with Yamaguchi since they were ten. However hopeless he might be in handling that situation, Kei prays he’s at least not as hopeless as Hinata and Kageyama. But he just might be.
SO BEAUTIFUL
i am also a sucker for anything with stars, moons and all the love in between
no words to describe this work of art please just go read it and be blessed
under the lilac tree by raewrites | G
there’s a lilac tree in Kei’s backyard.
gorgeous in its simplicity
softtsukkisofttsukkisofttsukki
not as grandiose as the rest but the love written into every word, action and character is absolutely show-stopping
kagehina
saffron and cayenne pepper by dontsaycrazy ☆ | T
Cooking is hard. Even if you have your very attractive, very grumpy neighbor there to help you.
-
In which Hinata's lack of cooking skills are a danger to him and others. Luckily (or not), Kageyama is willing to teach him, if only for the sake of avoiding any burned down apartments.
the essence of their characters were captured so well and yet it’s like they’re completely new characters too? author, whoever you are, you totally owned this
this made me ship kagehina so hard
fluff! cuteness! lots and lots of cooing!
kuroken
the galaxy is endless (i thought we were, too) by cosmogony ☆ | T
soulmate
/ˈsəʊlmeɪt/ • noun
A person who was made from the same star as you.
-
// Kuroken AU where the last words your soulmate will say to you appear on your skin when you turn 16, and how Kenma and Kuroo learn what this means over the course of their lives.
ahhh here it is. beautiful, heartbreaking, soul-emptying agony. you want angst? choke on this, and your tears later on.
no but seriously please read this if you haven’t you won’t regret it at all i promise
written from kenma’s perspective so you experience every depth and multitude of emotion he does and it’s so raw and- brb imma go cry for a sec
knot in my heart by hearthope | T
There’s a picture. Kenma blinks, looking at the little calico cat, being held up next to the face of a guy with stupidly messy hair and a crooked grin.
Cute.
The— the cat. The cat is cute.
Just the cat.
-
Kuroo starts spending a lot of time at the flower shop Kenma works at. Kenma definitely isn't into him.
okay so i like it when authors unravel a normally stoic character’s full scope of emotion and give them depth, sue me.
anyway, back on the fluff train!
i absolutely f*ck with flower symbolisms, cats and bitchy best friends who have dirt on each other. the layers of romance, friendship and everything in between is so prettily developed 10/10
bokuaka
the jacket you never returned by daisuga ☆☆ | G
He leaned over, kissed Bokuto on the cheek, and smiled bitterly, eyes watery.
He will never remember. Not now, not ever.
What they were will now forever be forgotten.
-
"You used to call me Keiji, Koutarou."
YOU USED TO CALL ME KEIJI, KOUTAROU!!!!!!!!!!
i beg you to listen to Spiegel im Spiegel when it’s first mentioned in the story please
i read this and screamed through my tears for a solid 1.5 hours. i rarely cry.
no f*ckin regrets though i read this thrice already and it hurts so good every time
rules by conesofdunshire ☆☆ | E
In which Akaashi Keiji is an overworked accountant who stumbles upon Bokuto one night playing the piano in the lobby of his work. Bokuto is different, that much is obvious. But with such supreme musical talent and a smile so dazzling it rivals the sun, there's just something about him that brings Akaashi back every night.
this fic. this fic has my whole, broken, sobbing heart and laughing soul
gorgeous. breathtaking. magnificent.
bokuto is so WARM and akaashi is so STRONG and they both find the solace they need in each other and it’s all i want for me 😭😭😭
in another life by littleluxray | T
Sleeping didn't come as easy as it used to. Bokuto knew this, and now Akaashi did, too.
The hospital AU that no body asked for, but that I took upon myself to write.
this is a famous fic that i doubt any seasoned haikyuu reader wouldn’t know, and RIGHTLY SO BECAUSE, the PAIN. the pain. the pain.
i could feel my lungs shrivel up and my chest cave in on itself. fatigue and rest are things i struggle with too so this whole story resonated with me from start to finish, and it broke me. in like, the best, most revitalising way
i would read this again but it still haunts me at night. i need to heal from the first time before i have the guts to try one more time HAHAHA 😆💔😭
tea-stained polaroids by dalyeau | G
“I'm gonna date that,” Bokuto declares solemnly, and Kuroo throws a plastic spoon at his head.
mmmmmmm pretty photographer + personalised coffee cups + cute baristas = diabetic fluff fic
i smiled so much throughout this you have no idea. cheeks achey but so good
i may have squealed a little at the ending
kurotsukki
moonfall by batman | T
There is no unlearning Tetsurou, after all. There is only leaving him.
-
(Five things of Tetsurou's that ended up in Kei's home, and one that never left.)
the writing!!!!!! is pure beauty!!!! sheer grace!!!!!!! the construction of the AU and the romanticism and hsjsgsjshsj
didn’t cry but. heart ache and bittersweet smiles are another level of misery that is just as fulfilling
yea just pleasepleasepleaseplease go read it thank you and have a good day
hidden gem by realmSpinner | E
Things get complicated when everything you thought you knew about a guy changes, and they get even more complicated when you actually start liking those changes.
That guy working with you AND becoming your neighbor? That's just a cherry on top of the cake of confusion.
this AU was refreshingly different, and amazingly so
top!tsukki??? sign me the f*ck up
the whole plot, man. perfection.
pings by barfs ☆☆ | T
[5/02/16, 3:50:17 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Please wake up.
[5/02/16, 3:50:23 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I hate begging. You know I hate it.
[5/02/16, 3:50:34 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I bet you’re snickering at that, wherever you are.
[5/02/16, 3:50:53 AM] Tsukishima Kei: But, it keeps hurting and I don’t know why and it feels like shit and I know you could tell me why, but you’re not here and I would really appreciate it if you’d just wake up.
[5/02/16, 3:51:02 AM] Tsukishima Kei: You’re laughing at that too, aren’t you.
[5/02/16, 3:51:10 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Dying is probably up there in the list of top ten shitty things you’ve ever done, and you’ve done a lot of shitty things.
god.
you already know what’s coming, and yet. when it comes.
how the f*ck did the author make grief beautiful????????? (at the expense of me dying along with kei and everyone else i guess)
this fic will ruin you and bury you under all your pain (i hope you’re ready)
but also put you back together with the “sequel”
kyouhaba
close to the chest by darkmagicalgirl | T
It takes Yahaba thirteen years to realize he's different from the other kids, one to figure out how to hide it, and two more to learn to be happy just the way he is. Yahaba's journey ft. an extremely annoyed Kyoutani, best friend in the world Watari, and loads and loads of good senpai Oikawa.
cause i’m (not) alright with the slow, burn~
no fr, take slow and burn very seriously
overthinking yahaba? i understand. i do.
again, such an amazing fic; 10/10 recommend
safe here by crossbelladonna ☆ | M
“Raids are routine work,” Kyoutani tells to Yahaba before he can air the question. “Sometimes there is no sleep done until we accomplish something, say kill a certain ghoul. I guess they’re still going through the possibility that people in the accident are still alive huh?”
Yahaba quirks a smile, pushing his mask up his head.
“You’re alive.”
Kyoutani looks at him intently and all of the things that they’ve gone through for the past month seems to flash in his mind.
“Yes I am.”
i haven’t watched tokyo ghoul but i understood everything perfectly. such is the power of f*cking kickass writing
*cue ugly crying and a lot of unresolved angst*
like the grief??????? ruin me please thank you 🙏 (i think i’m a little masochistic)
rare pairs
mannequin men by surveycorpsjean ☆ | M
[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/tuskishima]
The modelling world is full of hungry wolves, constantly clambering over the other, snarling and desperate. They fight, and they kill, trampling over anything in their path.
In this case, Akaashi fell in love with the wolves.
i did not expect this to be good, and it wasn’t. it was SPLENDID.
akaashi is so enamoured with them from the get go i love it
a tiny bit of angst that stabbed me in the heart, but the happy ending soothed it (thankfully, because if there wasn’t one i will sue)
characterisation, writing, plot development; everything is great. can you tell i’m running out of synonyms for ‘beautiful’
feel like gold by heronfem ☆☆ | T
[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/kenma]
In which Kenma is unapologetic and comfortable with who he is, Akaashi learns a lot about himself in a short period of time, Kuroo is wildly in love and an eternal survivor, and Bokuto remembers that love doesn't cure mental illness, but having a support system sure helps a lot.
Or, the one where 4 young men get together, and are helplessly, hopelessly, utterly in love despite everything.
e.e. cummings?? poetry??? f*ck yes
so beautiful. i’m so star-struck by this fic it’s simply stunning
there are no words to fully capture how worth your time and heart and mind reading this fic is so please. do yourself a favour, and fall in love with this fic with me
the sky and guilt are the only feelings i have left by oopsthisisqueertoo ☆☆ | not rated
[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo]
Akaashi is at his wits end. He feels nothing. He's quickly crumbling as a human being. He wants nothing but sweet release of death. In his fourth year of college he drafts a plan for his suicide. He is to graduate, publish writing for others to be inspired by, and slip quietly away. Shortly after, he meets a dog walker named Bokuto who asks him out and Akaashi reluctantly agrees. Nothing matters anymore and he treats Bokuto like an obligation. Until he's not anymore.
TW: SUICIDE ATTEMPTS & DEPRESSION
this was... this gutted me entirely and filled my body with too many shades of agony
arguably one of the best haikyuu fics i’ve ever read
so beautiful in the most painful way fathomable; strongly recommend
april to may by surveycorpsjean | T
[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/tsukishima]
They're an odd family.
The four of them? Parents?
But still, they're a family.
So they'll support each other until the end.
aaahhhhh third gym as parents 🥺
so much fluff. i also love april and may
they’re still so in love there’s love in every millimetre of this fic :”)
that’s it for now! i’ll add more if i come across anymore good fics. i hope you enjoyed this list! if you have any requests/fic recs, or if u just wanna chat, feel free to just ask! hehe 🥰 k aight bye~
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liquidstar · 3 years
Note
hi this is evilmario666 anon. im ok now and i realized that despite the misogyny that does exist on account of genre and perspective re:zero actually understands the subaru archetype of guy very well and i was jumping to conclusions too quickly based on what i was seeing. it was impolite and unfair of me and id like to apologize both to re;zero and you, i am no longer on the verge of a blood rage. thanks once more because i am genuinely having a ball of a time . lost track of arc numbers but im on the one where subaru accidentally SPOILERS kills emilia becaus he tries to reveal return by death
NO YEA ANON ITS OK sorry i didnt respond to ur first ask last night i was too tired to read long things lol
but i TOTALLY get how you feel like subaru early on legit annoyed me with his behavior, and it was completely intentional. not that he didnt have his endearing traits, i think the first thing that made me really like him was the fact that he got to know the names of the village kids and legit cared about them a lot because before getting to know them he just considered them and everyone around him as "npcs", and the village kids in particular arent "important" characters. (also dont take all of what im about to say as subaru hate, having read most of the story now i legit love the guy but im just talking abt his portrayal in the show in the early arcs)
basically arc 1 just served to introduce us to characters and concepts so there wasnt all too much of an arc there, subaru is dense as hell so he still came out of all that thinking he was gonna get his Isekai Harem Fantasy and so when he arrived at the mansion in arc 2 he literally treated all the characters like tropes (even before that though he would assume emilia's behavior based on what the tropey response would be). he just didnt see any of them as people and thats where a lot of the conflict came from, in order to overcome in that arc he had to actually befriend both rem and ram in a way that actually mattered, and he really did start to care about them as people and we know that because of the story he tells ram about the ogres.
arc 3 though addresses his mindset about this hero fantasy he has a lot more bluntly, because while he may have grown some in arc 2, he still has a huge martyr complex and places emilia into this role where he gets to be her hero even though she didnt ask for that, and their fight about it is simultaneously really satisfying to see him called out, and hard to watch because hes being such a child about it, hes so incredibly entitled to her at this point. the show luckily frames him as completely in the wrong and shows us the nastiest parts of this mindset in him. one of my favorite scenes in this arc is the one where he accidentally kills her, but just before that. when he rushes into the room and yells at her about how shes useless and unable to save anyone and we focus on her face, and she just says "why are you crying?" and the cut zooms into her eye to reveal that he was staring at his own reflection in it, he was talking to himself. that just perfectly describes what she is to him at that point- a beacon to project all his insecurity and doubt. re:zero loves using those eye-reflection shots, and i love seeing them because my absolute favorite theme in the story is "self-recognition through the other"
subaru does legitimately learn and become better, he acknowledges how shitty hes been in his convo with rem and it gets turned into a really sweet moment between the two of them, and it gets memed a lot but "i love emilia" is honestly a really good line because its in that moment that he stops trying to either run away or project and face his feelings genuinely in a way that doesnt throw her under the bus. by the time arc 4 rolls around hes so much more likable, and his dynamic and relationship with emilia becomes honestly really cute, the way they talk is sort of dorky and charming (spoilers, but even when they have another argument that calls back to the one they had in arc 3, you feel its coming from a legit place now, and when he kisses her he does so only after getting explicit consent and telling her its okay to dodge). hes so much more sympathetic and you really root for him. i loved the choice to not show any of his backstory until arc 4, the point where youre supposed to be on his side completely.
all that being said though its NOT a series i think is perfect nor do i think its super feminist, i just think its a good deconstruction of these isekai tropes and calls them out in a blunt way that i enjoy seeing. there are lots of things about it that i dont like too though, some of the character designs sort of bother me and seem antithetical to this, part of that is that the writer and character designer are different people but it still passed. but i still enjoy the story and characters enough that it doesnt totally sully my enjoyment of it (some are more egregious than others tho). at the end of the day im so along for this whole ride, i love the way it explores its themes, again especially the whole "self-recognition through the other" thing but also suicidal ideation and of course the deconstruction of what the isekai genre has become.
TL;DR: the series perfectly understands the type of nerdboy that watches isekai anime and wants to be sent to another world just like their favorite blank-slate nerdy protagonist and it directly calls them out, saying "no. youre not gonna be an OP hero who saves the day and gets all the bitches with that fucking attitude. youre not gonna be able to escape your insecurities via this escapism, you treat the women around you like trash, youre not entitled to any of this, youre just pathetic." and though subaru is a character that gets better many of the viewers of the series straight up plugged their ears to its themes so they can jack off to rem lol.
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dukeofonions · 3 years
Text
The Problem With Asides
Before I get into anything I want to clarify that this is not going to be a criticism of the two Asides episodes we’ve gotten so far. This is a critique of the concept of Sanders Asides as a separate series from the original Sanders Sides. A second note I want to make is that this is, just as all my other posts are, a personal opinion. This is not meant to be an attack on anyone, just a general criticism from a confused writer and viewer of the show. 
And final disclaimer: A lot of what I’m going to say is based on information that I no longer have available. It’ll mostly be me recalling things I heard and if I at any point get something wrong please feel free to let me know. 
That being said, let’s get into this, shall we? 
(Fair warning this post is very long hence why I’ve divided it into parts so feel free to read then come back as you wish)
Part One: The Concept of Asides
Some time ago last year, I believe shortly after Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts came out, was when the idea for Sanders Asides was first announced. The basic concept of it being shorter, more lighthearted videos focusing on the Sides outside of the main storyline. This format would allow them to give us more Sides content in between the long waits for the main series since those episodes were beginning to take more time to produce. 
Of course, everyone was eager for more Sides, so the majority of people were excited. Not only that but due to the main series tackling heavier themes, the episodes were becoming more angsty with less time for the characters to just relax and goof off with each other. The idea of having episodes reminiscent of the low stakes, sillier, happier content of season one was a welcome break from the more complex episodes and would be a nice return to form for the series. 
We were also informed that these episodes would be much simpler than their main series counterparts and wouldn’t disrupt the work being done on Sanders Sides, which meant we didn’t have to worry about long gaps between the main story episodes, right? 
(Another disclaimer: I am perfectly aware of the main reason why we were not given as much content last year and am not blaming Thomas or the team for doing what was necessary to keep themselves safe and hope they continue to do so as this continues into the new year)
Jump to November 22, 2019, where we got our first official episode of Sanders Asides, roughly five months after DWIT came out. Which, for this fandom, was record time to get more content and I was pleasantly surprised by how quickly they were able to get this out. Though at the same time, I wondered why it took five months to make what was meant to be a short, simple episode. 
So imagine my surprise when I went to watch the episode and saw it was nearly 20 minutes long. Which, okay, isn’t that bad when you compare it to the lengths of the more recent Sanders Sides episodes. But at the time, I was under the impression that the Asides would be, well, much shorter. The longest I expected would be maybe 15 minutes, but you know what? It’s the first episode and it has been a while since we’ve had Sides content, so maybe they wanted to give us a little extra due to the long wait. 
I started the episode and at first, I was overjoyed when I saw the first shot of all the Sides sitting in the living room in their onesies about to have a movie night. This was exactly what I’d been hoping to see from this series! It’s pretty much a staple thing in the fandom for the Sides to have movie nights together, and now it was happening in canon! 
At the moment, I had high hopes for this series and was filled with joy. 
Then that hope and joy were immediately crushed when I realized this was yet just another Virgil-centric angst episode. In fact, this entire episode was, well, exactly like a regular Sanders Sides episode. Sure, there were some jokes here and there, but the tone of the episode was no lighter than the last Sanders Sides episode. If anything DWIT felt lighter in comparison to this one. 
Which leads me to ask, what the heck happened? 
Part Two: Literally the Same Show
At this point in time, we’ve only had two episodes of Asides. Usually, I try to hold off my judgment of a series until I’ve had at least one other episode to see if my original criticisms still stand. 
To be fair, I did think Flirting With Social Anxiety was a step in the right direction. More comedy, a lighter tone, yes. Perfect. But again, just like with Are There Healthy Distractions? This episode quickly dove right back into the angst pool, and just like ATHD it was a pretty long episode, clocking in at almost 25 minutes. 
Not only that but again, both FWSA and ATHD don’t feel any different from the episodes we’ve been getting in Sanders Sides. 
1. They’re just as angsty.
2. Roughly the same length as Sanders Sides episodes.
3. Take about just as long to produce.
4. Contain a lesson to be learned. 
Which, okay, you can have lessons in lighter shows too, but we’re already getting that in Sanders Sides and Sanders Asides was described as, well, being less plot heavy. Yet so far both episodes are still tied in with the main plot. 
ATHD deals with the aftermath of DWIT, not directly but it’s pretty obvious that the whole thing with Virgil’s reveal at the end of that episode is being addressed in the background. Which, kind of takes away the impact of that ending, but I’ll get to that later. 
Then FWSA takes place after Putting Others First and again, is dealing with things from that episode in the background. Again though, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It makes sense to see the characters dealing with things from past events.
So why is it a problem here? Because, again, Sanders Asides is meant to be a separate series, and all the subtext brought on from the episodes in Sanders Sides makes the plots in these two episodes confusing. 
For example, I was perplexed during my first watch of FWSA because I couldn’t understand why the focus of the conflict was lying. I didn’t understand why Virgil and Roman came to the conclusion that Thomas’ reason for being unable to approach Nico was because he was lying to himself, when both the title of the episode and what we were shown points more to, well, social anxiety being the problem. 
(Quick note: One could argue that this was done purposefully to have Virgil putting the blame on Janus since he doesn’t like him and wouldn’t want to admit that he was the one responsible, but this series has had a bad habit of favoring Virgil in the past so until we get more answers I’m gonna leave this on the backburner) 
It didn’t help that I had no idea when this episode was meant to take place in the timeline, and I originally thought it could take place a bit after season two since Roman and Virgil seemed to be doing better, but more on them later.
All of this bugged me until I found out that FWSA takes place after POF, and after watching the live stream that followed and getting some more context, the lying thing made a bit more sense, but the fact that I was as confused as I was just caused more frustration to build up. And I wasn’t the only one who got thrown off by the “Lying is wrong” message of FWSA so I had to ask again, why was this episode a Sanders Asides when apparently, you need information from the last Sanders Sides episode in order to understand it?
So you’re telling me, that the second episode in what is supposed to be a separate series that isn’t meant to be a part of the main plot, is now integral to the plot of the main story you’re telling in what is, as you have said, a separate show? How does that make any sense? 
Okay, one could argue that Thomas getting a love interest doesn’t really fit with the current storyline that’s going on in Sanders Sides, and that is a fair point. The problem with that is, FWSA takes place right after Putting Others First. 
You all remember what happened at the end of that episode, right?
Part Three: Intrusive Plots
At this point we’ve all become rather accustomed to the long waits in between videos, it’s nothing new to us, and for the most part they haven’t done anything to harm the current plot of Sanders Sides. Sure, the length of time between videos can cause people to lose interest, but for the most part the tone of the last three episodes of Sanders Sides hasn’t differed much and the story flow is still going along smoothly. 
Let’s start with Selfishness vs Selflessness, which is the episode that sets up the big climax for season two. It’s still got its jokes and funny moments, but the overall tone is far more serious than previous episodes have been. This carries on into DWIT where Thomas has been so stressed out lately that he’s begun to have trouble with his intrusive thoughts. 
Virgil even gives a pretty good summary of Thomas’ current mental state: “He recently realized he’s a bigger liar than he thought he was, he doesn’t understand himself, he’s committed to skipping a big callback, and he’s sleep-deprived. So yeah, he feels like a piece of dirt who has no control over his life.”
And all that was a direct result of the ending of SVS, despite DWIT not being the direct follow up to that episode the two are still intertwined. Remember that for later.
DWIT ends with the long awaited reveal of Virgil having been a “Dark Side.” Even though the majority of the fandom had figured it out by as early as Can Lying Be Good? That didn’t take away from the emotional gut punch that this scene was and it’s one of my favorite moments from the series. I may have to make a whole post breaking that scene down but what matters is that this scene was a turning point for Virgil’s character.
We’ve seen him trying to hide the truth from Thomas ever since Janus and Remus started popping up, and there were close calls with both of them nearly revealing it themselves and continuously dropping hints to Thomas. Only for Virgil to admit it to Thomas himself, and leave before Thomas can even say a word. 
We don’t know for sure how Thomas is feeling in this moment, but it’s clear he’s been shaken by this. He doesn’t really have a lot of time to process it before he remembers to acknowledge the audience and close out the video. 
This comes up again once we finally get to the monster of an episode that is POF, the follow up to SVS that everyone had been waiting over a year for. Right away we see that Patton and Roman will be at the forefront of this discussion with Logan popping up every now and then, but who doesn’t show up in this episode despite having played a role in SVS? 
Virgil. 
He’s nowhere to be seen and his absence is definitely felt. Why wouldn’t he be part of this discussion? He was there in SVS and had a lot to say on the matter, he was even part of the decision to choose the wedding over the callback! So why wasn’t he there? 
Well, just look at the ending of DWIT and there’s your answer. Of course he isn’t about to show his face after that. Not when Thomas is already under so much stress already and he isn’t sure how Thomas will react to seeing him-
*insert random voice whispering off to the side*
 Wait, Virgil has seen Thomas since DWIT? When? 
*whispers continue*
Oh, right, they interacted in Sanders Asides. How did that go again? 
*whispers explain*
Huh? Thomas said he’s cool with Virgil despite revealing that he’s been hiding something from him this whole time? That “something” being the fact that Virgil was once considered part of the others that were currently making Thomas’ life miserable?
*whispers confirm*
Really? They’re both okay with each other now? Well, good for them. 
So wait, then why didn’t Virgil show up in POF? He was there during the first discussion and honestly he’d have more of a reason to show up than Logan who wasn’t really present at all in SVS. 
*whispers explain* 
He just wasn’t need there? Hm, alright. Guess that makes sense… 
Well okay, Virgil and Thomas are on good terms once POF rolls around, Virgil isn’t present during the conversation because he isn’t needed and I suppose his presence would make things worse. Especially once Janus revealed himself, he wouldn’t allow him to get a word in. Even though Janus could probably silence him but I digress. 
Fast forward towards the ending of POF, remember when I said to remember how SVS and DWIT were connected? Well DWIT is just as important to POF, acting as a bit of bridge between to the two episodes. 
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Janus brings up Remus (both directly and indirectly) twice in this episode.
First here:
 Notice how Roman’s breakdown is already being foreshadowed here, the camera focusing on him while “Logan” says this isn’t an accident. 
The second time Remus is brought up is at the very end after Janus has revealed his name:
“Oh, Roman thank God you don’t have a mustache. Otherwise between you and Remus, I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is.” 
(No I am not posting screenshots of this scene I already got emotional over the last one)
As we saw at the end of DWIT, Roman does not have a good relationship with is brother. So much so that when Thomas refers to Remus as such, Roman creates a different analogy that compares Remus to a mirror, reflecting everything Roman doesn’t want to be. 
Roman desperately wants to distance himself from Remus, not wanting anything to do with him. We’ve only gotten a glimpse of just how far this loathing goes, and part of that comes from Roman finally breaking down after being told by Janus that if it wasn’t for a mustache there’d be no difference between him and Remus.
This shook Roman more than anything else in the show has so far, moreso than him being the one to decide that Thomas should give up the callback. He was the one that pushed Thomas to make that decision, believing it was the noble thing to do, only for it to only make Thomas feel worse and then be told by Janus that his “noble sacrifice” was all for nothing. 
Janus, the one who had been supporting Roman throughout SVS, buttering him up and encouraging him to go after his dream, told him that his sacrifice was worthless. Then to top it all off Janus admits what he did and brushes it off as a joke. He doesn’t apologize to Roman, leaving him in the dust, then when Roman responds by laughing at his name he’s shot down even lower. 
And when he looks to Thomas and Patton for help, for answers, anything.
They stay silent.
Patton tries to reassure him, telling Roman that they love him, but he doesn’t believe it. He sinks out, and that’s the last we see of him.
Selfishness vs Selflessness, Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts, and Putting Others First are three of the biggest (and dare I say most important) episodes in the series. The three almost act like a trilogy, with POF leading to something bigger, the season finale. Which will be culmination of all three of these episodes. 
We’ll be seeing Virgil’s reaction to Janus having been accepted by Patton and facing his own past as a “Dark Side.” Then we’ll find out what has become of Roman after he disappeared at the end of POF, and how it now affects his relationship with Thomas.
*whispers return and begin to whisper*
I’m sorry what?
*whispers repeat*
Virgil already knows about Janus getting somewhat accepted? Well okay I guess he would, wish we could have seen his reaction to that but oh well, no big deal. At least we got the Roman and Thomas confrontation to look forward to. 
*whispers whisper*
Roman has already interacted with Thomas since POF? When?!
*whisper* 
In FWSA? Oh yeah, how did that go again? It was super awkward right? Since Roman doesn’t really trust that Thomas loves or values him?
*whisperly whisper*
They get along just fine as if nothing happened? 
*whispersty*
It looks like he might still be upset with him since he’s being a bit passive aggressive? 
*whisper* 
Can’t really tell because the three are too busy trying to talk to a cute guy at the mall? 
Okay, I guess that all makes sense… 
Looks like Roman and Virgil still aren’t on the best terms with Thomas but are able to push that aside to help him talk to this handsome stranger, and hey, it worked! Thomas now has a boyfriend! Just look at Roman and Virgil at the end, they’re both so happy with Thomas! 
Looks like now they can focus on this new chapter in their life and leave the events of POF behind them. I mean, now that Roman and Virgil seem pretty cool with Thomas it would just feel weird to suddenly have them angry with him again, wouldn’t it?
Part Four: The Problem
Sanders Asides was originally described as being a series separate from the main storyline of Sanders Sides. Promising us shorter, less complicated episodes to give us a little something in between the longer, heavier episodes in Sanders Sides. This was a great idea that ended up falling apart the moment it began. 
When I was going through SVS, DWIT, and POF I mentioned that the three of them felt like a trilogy. All three of them link together to tell one bigger story, and on their own they get the job done. They set up the season finale perfectly to the point where you have an idea of what to expect and what to look forward to. 
The main things being the aftermath of Virgil’s reveal and Roman’s breakdown, which would most likely cultivate in them teaming up against Janus. This would also involve Virgil coming to terms with his past and Roman having to face Remus. 
Of course, none of this has been officially confirmed, but given everything we’ve seen up to this point it just makes sense. 
The story for season two is nearly complete, all we’re missing is the conclusion. 
Then Sanders Asides showed up and threw everything off course. What was supposed to be its own thing crept into a story that was already (for all we knew) set up and being put into place. 
We were told that the Asides wouldn’t do anything to disrupt the flow of Sanders Sides, yet it’s been confirmed that there will be one or two more episodes of Asides before we get the season finale. 
Why? Why are these episodes necessary when everything was set to move forward after POF? If these episodes are that important that they absolutely have to be made before the finale then why are they simply not part of the main series? 
You could say “Well they’re not directly tied to the main plot, that’s why.” But need I remind you that Asides as a concept was just intriduced after DWIT came out? These episodes were written specifcally for Asides, which unless I’m wrong means that they were just added into the main story with no planning whatsoever. 
FWSA honestly feels like it should have been the start of season three, something that should have waited to be introduced after season two wrapped up because it’s just too much. 
We already have so much to unpack from SVS, DWIT, and POF now we also have a new love interest on top of that? 
Virgil and Thomas’ resolution doesn’t even feel all that special because it wasn’t talked about directly between them. Thomas was indirectly letting Virgil know they were still okay, so what does that leave for us? All that build up about Virgil being a “Dark Side” only for it to be brushed over like it was nothing, and this happened in an Asides episode, not even in the main series. 
It also makes Virgil’s absence in POF confusing when they had already set up the perfect reason for him to be absent in DWIT, but according to the first episode of ATHD Virgil and Thomas are okay with each other. Sure, Virgil being there might have made things worse but at that point everyone was making things worse. 
We no longer have a confrontation between Thomas and Roman to look forward to because in FWSA we see them interacting as normal. Even the passive agressiveness isn’t anything new to Roman and really, it all just sounds super petty which he had been known to behave like that even when nothing is seriously wrong. Not only that Roman is overjoyed at the end, having finally gotten something he desperately wanted, the happy ending he deserved.
All that’s left for him is to fave his feelings towards Remus, but what would even happen there?
The problem with Asides isn’t the quality of the episodes, FWSA is actually one of my favorite episodes. The problem with Asides is that the team is taking what should have been something small and turning it into a far too elaborate for what its original purpose was: To give us more lighthearted content to enjoy in between the waits for the heavier episodes.
Instead it just feels like they’re adding onto something that really didn’t need adding on to, creating more work for themselves when it just isn’t necessary, and that worries me.
Final Thoughts
Honestly, it’s hard for me to make all these judgments when no one has any idea what the finale is going to be like. And usually, the team is able to excede my expectations and create something amazing. 
But with all these new Asides episodes that feel like they’re just being crammed in at the last second, it makes me wonder how the rest of the series will go if they continue down this road. 
Season two started September 1st, 2017, it is now January 3rd, 2021. Throughout season two the production of episodes became more elaborate, and there have been complications that arose from trying to make these videos as a result that sent production screeching to a halt. And on top of that, these Sanders Asides have been added to create even more work for Thomas and the team.
I don’t understand why they’d do this to themselves when it’s already become more difficult than ever to make videos in general, not just Sanders Sides. 
We were offered something simple that would have satisfied everyone during the difficult times, only to be given something that honestly, wasn’t even needed. I do appreciate Thomas trying to get us more content, but I don’t think he or the team realizes just how content we’d all be with just a five minute video of the characters we love just doing something as simple as hanging out and having fun, especially with how dark things have become all around us. 
We don’t always have to be watching these characters struggle, sometimes we just need to see them be genuinely happy.
(Thanks to everyone who took time to read this monster of a post, I did not mean for it to get this long but it’s been dwelling on my mind for a while and I wanted to make sure I got out everything I wanted to say. Again, this is all just a personal opinions and you are not obligated to agree with me. If you have an objecting opinion I would not mind hearing it but please keep any discussions civil.)
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Text
Nothing But Hatred (GeorgeNotFound)
MASTERLIST 
pairing : georgenotfound / george davidson x reader
summary : you had nothing but love for people, even strangers. so how could george hate you so much? 
a/n : long imagine? i owe you guys this. also, happy new years!
you were taught since young to love people. 
“you don’t know what they have gone through before.” your mum always reminded you whenever you would complain to her about someone. 
and since then, the quote stuck to you. it was planted in your head even more when she passed away. you couldn’t describe the pain to other people. 
your dad also left the earth soon after her, following suite. his last words to you in the hospital were “i know you can take care of yourself, i believe in you. always.” you just turned eighteen then. 
since you were a legal adult, the house was automatically yours. now, you’re twenty-one, and since then, you have moved out. 
you found yourself a decent sized house. born and raised in florida, you couldn’t bring yourself to leave the country, or state, that is. that’s just one thing you couldn’t bring yourself to do. 
you often forget that you’re on your own, no parents. born the only child, no siblings. and since you are a legal adult and everyone thinks you’re all good on your own, seeing that you have done many things on your own, your relatives don’t pry in your life. 
no, you weren’t lonely, if you say so yourself. you and dream, or clay, as you call him are best friends. literally platonic soulmates. you met him when you both are seventeen. he stayed with you through everything. 
when he started blowing up on social media, you were ecstatic. but you would often jokingly brag to him that you blew up way before he did. 
you didn’t understand why people watched you, if you were being honest. clay would say that it’s because of your charming and kind self that brought so many supportive people. you don’t agree. 
you never once pried in clay’s life. in social media and in real life. who’s his friends are his and you never would try to come across that. your friends and yours and his friends are his. simple. 
when clay blew up, no one knew that the two of you even knew each other, let alone best friends. they found that out weirdly. somehow they heard clay screaming in your kitchen when you were streaming. that clearly was a common occurrence for you since you barely even acknowledged it. 
yes, before anyone asks, there were shipping comments immediately after that. but, you two talked about it on stream, about how you two were nothing but amazing friends. but neither of you mind the ship comments. the fanarts have always been so incredible. 
being the biggest supporter of clay, or dream, you watched every single stream, video, liked posts of his, so you knew who his friends were. 
although you told clay that you didn’t want to pry into his life, he begged you to talk to his friends. you clicked so well with everyone. beside george. you didn’t understand it at first. whenever you’d watch his streams, he’d seem so nice and welcoming. 
but somehow, whenever you’d join in their discord or play in the dream smp, his tone would change drastically. 
after some time, you got the memo. he just didn’t like you. and you accepted that. not everyone would like you, so you backed off. you gave excuses to clay if george was present. 
you didn’t want to be the one interrupting his stream or be the cause of his mood change. so you stayed away, and so far, it had been better that way. 
you and clay were different in some ways. everyone is. but to be more specific, he made his money off of social media. and no, this wasn’t to say that he is below you. in fact, he was lucky that he got to do that. 
and this also didn’t meant that you couldn’t live off of your streaming money, you just rather do something other than social media. you wanted to make sure that if one day your social media career were to flop, you’d have a backup plan. 
but you didn’t want to put your degree to waste. your mum used to tell you all the time to study all while you are still young, so that you don’t regret it when you’re older. 
so that is what you did. you spent your years studying psychology, something you’ve always wanted to do. and in your free time, you’d stream or make videos. you didn’t tell that to the public, wanting that part of you to be private and away from social media. 
and one more thing, you never once brought up the loss of your parents to the public. you wanted people to like you for you, and not want them to like you for pity. hence, no one besides clay knew about your parents. 
and lucky for you, clay understood and no one had brought up any questions about your parents. they just knew you lived alone. 
you sat on clay’s bed, on your laptop, typing in important paperwork that had to be done from home. he invited you over. he told you he was lonely and that he needed the company. and in exchange of your company, he’d buy the both of you takeout for dinner. 
so you agreed. you told him that you being there would make no difference since you would be sat in the corner doing work anyways but he still begged you to come, saying that he didn’t mind it, that he just wanted you to be there. 
that is another common occurrence. there are days when he just needed someone to be there with him, in the same room. you never asked why but you enjoyed the company too, so you never bothered to know. 
as you sat on his bed typing, he was on his desk recording a minecraft hitmen video for his youtube with george, sapnap and badboyhalo. you could feel the nerves coming from him. 
he did need to pay his friends if he lost, after all. not that he cared about money but his ego was too big to lose now. 
you heard him bang his desk as he won, somehow by flying a boat. your best friend was a genius anyways, so you were not surprised that he did something new. 
now they were just talking on discord, you still typing on your laptop, unmoving from your spot on his bed. 
“you hungry?” clay asked you, to which you didn’t reply, since you were too focused into your work. he called your name another two times before you stopped typing and looked up at him. 
you shook your head, and pointed to your laptop, telling him that you just wanted to get this done before the two of you ate. he continued talking to his friends after that. 
“yeah she’s here. i just needed the company.” you heard him say. you knew he was talking about you. his friends probably asked who he was talking to earlier, anyway. 
“george, stop.” you heard him say. your heart sunk a little. you could hear the conversation going on in discord. you had heard george saying something along the lines of ‘if she’s here i’m out.’
that really hurt, but you knew you had to suck it up. “i’ll leave, it’s okay.” you said, closing your laptop and picking up your stuff. 
“wait, don’t leave. he’s jok-” 
“i’ll see you another day, clay. go have fun.” you cut his sentence, smiling at him as you left his room, and place. 
as you sat in your car, driving home, you wondered if you were really unlikeable. clay always said that you are the nicest person he’s ever met yet you never believed him. this was the reason. why did his friend hate you so damn much?
you tried to push it to the back of your mind. you parked your car in your house garage, but stayed in the car. 
at this time you wished you had your parents still. death comes to everyone at some point, and you knew that. but it felt unfair, not having both your parents. you wished you still had them to talk to, to hug and cry to whenever you had a bad day.
weeks pass since that uneventful day and you are not having the best day. 
to sum it up, you went to work early, ready to meet your mentor, to teach you the way around your workplace. however, your mentor had called in sick and apologized to you. 
everyone gets sick so you didn’t blame her. but that would mean that you had to do things on your own, no one to guide you, so you were lost constantly. this also meant that you were screamed at a lot. 
they called you names, saying that you are useless, slow, lazy, and that you are just a pretty face but you didn’t have the brains to work professionally. sure, that hurt. but at the end of the day, this was what you wanted, so you continued, you pushed through all the mean words. 
you went home with a heavy heart. you were exhausted, mentally drained as well. you facetimed clay on your way home, when you were driving to tell him everything. you just needed to let it out. 
he told you to go home and relax, that you would be all good tomorrow. 
at first, you believed him, but then you felt like you weren’t feeling any better, so you decided to stream. 
“i just showered, please ignore my wet hair.” you told chat as you started your stream. 
as the hour passes, you started to feel better. clay watched your stream, donating you at times to ask you questions. 
your phone goes off, signaling someone calling you. you picked up, knowing it was clay anyways since no one else would call you at 10pm. 
“discord.” he told you and hung up. 
“wow, not even a hi. what a friend.” you told your chat while you got in discord. 
you silently went in, not greeting anyone. you had a feeling that it isn’t just clay in the call. 
“there she is.” sapnap called you out. you said hi to all of them, even george, who you knew was in the call too. he only grumbled a reply to you. 
you guessed that george streaming since sometimes he would talk to himself, not muted. sapnap told you to join the smp and play with them, to which you agreed since the night was still young anyways. 
you spawned at sapnap’s house somehow, but walked across the smp towards where the rest of them were. you heard george say something as your character walked closer to them, you were still in the discord call, anyways. 
“dream, why did she need to be here?” you heard him say.
“maybe cause i’m his best friend?” you replied, innocently. you didn’t realize that you saying this would cause a huge problem, or could potentially lead to a fight between the boys and you. 
“i’m his best friend, you butt off.” he says, somewhat using an angry tone. 
“wait, i didn’t mean to-” you tried to say but was cut off by george. 
“you’re literally so fucking annoying. i don’t understand how clay can stand you.” he almost shouted. 
you could feel the tears coming, but you tried your best to keep it in, not wanting to cry on stream, especially with your facecam on. 
“george, language.” bad told him off, trying to ease the tension. 
“no, no. i’m not going to just sit and keep quiet anymore. i don’t like her here.” george starts another sentence.
“i’ll go.” you tried to say, voice small.
“georg-” clay tries to stop him before it goes too far. 
“chat says she’s about to cry? well go cry to your mum, don’t waste your time here on the smp.” he scolds. 
fuck. that one really hurt. “george what the fuck.” you heard clay say before you silently left the smp and discord chat.
you still had your stream. you didn’t want to disappoint so you still kept your stream going, trying not to cry. 
you connected your ipad to your laptop so they could see what you were up to. you decided to draw since you didn’t feel like going on your own world in minecraft. 
“chat, i drew this of sapnap the other day cause i was bored.” you showed them, zooming in the drawing on your ipad. 
your intention was to only show chat your drawing of sapnap but you didn’t realize that you accidentally clicked off that drawing, and showed a different drawing on stream.
“oops, you weren’t suppose to see that, chat.” you told them as you clicked back from the drawing you accidentally showed them. specifically, you had shown them a drawing of george that you made. 
“calm down, chat. i draw everyone.” you tried to ease the comments that arrived to your stream. 
“i even drew dream but that’s in my private section cause you guys haven’t seen his face yet.” you told them. 
the comments were positive. some of them were telling you to post it on twitter, that the boys would appreciate it. “oh my god, chat. fine i will, i’ll post them right now.” 
you went on twitter and posted every single drawing of them, even clay’s but you picked the ones that you had drawn a mask on him. you captioned it “chat told me to do it and i couldn’t disappoint them.” 
slowly you saw that your positive chat started to turn very negative. the name calling, the degrading. people were calling you attention seeking, that you are nothing but a whore for drawing them all. 
“okay guys, i should go to bed, i have things to do in the morning.” you told them, saying goodbye, leaving the stream and turning your pc off. 
you had your twitter notifications off so that you wouldn’t be annoyed at the constant pinging but since you were already on twitter, you had known that most of the people you drew had already noticed it. they retweeted it, screenshotted it, asking for your permission to post it or use it in their profile. 
you replied to most of them, before turning your phone off to get ready for bed. 
you sat on your bed, staring at your wall opposite you. you could feel the exhaustion come over you, the tears streaming down your face. it had been a good couple of hours. 
streaming definitely did take your mind off a lot of the things from your job earlier. but somehow you felt like your day got worse. 
you didn’t blame george, nor anyone for the matter. you needed to just suck it up, that not everyone will like you and that it’s okay for someone to call you out like that. 
that didn’t mean what he said didn’t hurt. in fact, nothing hurt you more than this. the fact he reminded you about your mum. you wished you could cry to your mum. everyday. you just wanted to hug her, talk to her. you wanted nothing else than to have a couple more moments with your parents. 
you needed to be tough, as your dad told you to be. you won’t be torn down because of this. your phone rang. you already know it’s clay facetiming you. you dried your tears and quickly went to wash your face.  
“hi.” you started, smiling to him as you picked the call up. 
“you don’t have to act like you’re okay. you’re allowed to cry.” he reminds you. 
“i am okay, don’t worry.” you told him. 
“you aren’t” he starts. “he went too far, i’m sorry.” he says. 
“don’t apologize. neither of your faults. i am tired though, i’m going to bed and so should you.” you replied to him, reminding him not to remain awake for too long.
“sleep well, hopefully tomorrow won’t suck for you. i’ll sleep later. goodnight. i love you.” 
“i love you too.” you told him before you ended the call. 
you laid down on your bed, continued crying and praying that tomorrow would be better. with that, you cocooned yourself in your covers and went to bed. 
-
DREAM’S POV
“what the actual fuck, george.” i scolded the british boy as you left the smp and discord call. 
“turn off your streams, all of you.” i told them. 
i had your live put up on my other monitor, so i knew exactly what was going on and what she was doing. so far, her chat had nothing but nice things to say and now she’s showing her drawings to them. 
good. she’s good so far. she’s probably only trying to take her mind off things. 
as all the boys turned off their streams, i told them to wait before i continues saying anything. we were all still on minecraft, doing our own things. i couldn’t just sit and do nothing, i would end up being too mad and breaking things. 
“i am so fucking disappointed in you, george.” i started to say. i was truly disappointed. i knew the two of them somehow didn’t get along well but i didn’t understand why he’s such an ass about this. 
“i find her so fucking pretentious. i refuse to sit here and not say anything about it.” george told all of us. i wish i could shake him awake right now. 
“she has been nothing but nice to you, what is wrong with you?” my voice louder now. 
“clay, i fucking hate her. she’s acting nice in front of everyone. you, chat. i don’t like that.” 
“acting nice? she’s the nicest person i’ve met.” i scolded him, bad and sapnap agreeing with me. 
“then you clearly haven’t met many nice people, clay.” he told me, scoffing. 
at this, i got more angry. i didn’t want to hold back. i couldn’t anymore. although i knew she’d get mad at me for telling people this, i didn’t care. i had to tell them, tell george. he will not just step on my best friend and get away with it, not when i’m around. 
“you dickhead. you told her to cry to her mum. her mum isn’t there to be there for her, to console her, to calm her down when your bitch-ass decide to talk crap about her. her dad isn’t there to hug her, to tell her that boys like you don’t deserve her. you really fucked up this time, george. i can’t believe you.” i basically screamed at him. 
“what?” i head sapnap say. “you don’t say-” he tried to say again. 
“her parents passed away when she was eighteen. she had no one but me. even her relatives don’t give a shit about her anymore.” i told them. that felt good to say. sure, it is a private matter about you and i should respect her boundaries but i can’t listen to george talk shit about you like that and not do anything. 
“i hope you’re happy, george. you probably fucking broke her.” i told him before leaving the smp and discord call. 
before i left, i heard him. “fuck.” i knew bad and sapnap would torment him anyways. 
i called you right after that. you looked fresh and looked like you haven’t been crying but i knew better. i knew you went to the bathroom before picking up my phone call. i knew you too well. 
when she hung up on me, i went to check out her twitter. i saw my twitter notifications earlier and saw that she posted something. i knew it had to be one of the drawings. chat must’ve told her to post it. 
my heart sunk when i saw a drawing of george. you are too nice for this world. no one on this earth deserves you, not even me. the fact that you still posted him when he was the cause of your tears prior to this. 
and the fact that he has been mean to you since the start yet you still spent hours drawing him just melts me. george really needs to wake up. 
i saved the drawing you drew of me and had it up as my profile picture. it was too wholesome. you really are talented. not to mention, really smart too. you were incredibly forgiving, it wouldn’t shock me to hear that you’re not even mad at george for being so rude to you. 
-
YOUR POV
i heard a knock on my door as i was finishing reading a book. i went to the front door not really expecting it to be anyone. maybe it’s clay, since he comes to your house often and never told you earlier. not that you mind, anyways. 
you were shocked, to say the least, to see a slightly shorter than clay, boy standing in front of you. that isn’t the shocking part. it is the fact that you are well aware of the man standing in front of you. 
george. and for some reason, he was holding flowers.
when you opened the door, he smiled sheepishly at you. you just stared at him, waiting for him to say something before you decide to. 
nothing. he says nothing. “is this about the things you called me? i totally get why you said what you did and i don’t blame you.” you said first, since it didn’t seem like he would. 
“how am i not one to blame when i was so incredibly rude to you, not even getting to know you first.” he finally opens up. 
“did clay ask you to come?” you asked him. he shook his head. 
“i offered, actually.” he started. 
“i couldn’t just sit around and not try to apologize. i’m so sorry for turning a blind eye and calling you such things. i didn’t mean any of it.” he says.
before you try to say something, he cuts you off. “and i know you’re going to stand there and tell me i did nothing wrong, that i have nothing to apologize about but that’s not true.” he says. 
you smiled. were you that predictable. you knew he had a couple more things to say, hence you kept your mouth shut and told him to continue, and that you wouldn’t cut in this time. 
besides, him apologizing with bouquet of flowers in his hands is just too adorable for you. so you decide that you should enjoy this. 
“clay told me how much of an idiot i am for talking about your mum. i didn’t mean anything i said, i swear.” he starts again. 
“i just- it seems like you and clay are so close and it made me feel so alone, like i barely stood a chance with you in the first place. and that thought alone made me feel enraged. i know that doesn’t count as an excuse, nothing can count as an excuse bu-” you cut him off by pulling him by behind his neck to kiss him. 
the kiss was short, but sweet. it was for two reasons, one, to shut him up, for him to stop rambling, and two, for him to realize that you liked him just as much. 
as you pulled away from the short kiss, he was already looking at you with a glint in his eyes, as if he was looking at the last piece of donut in a coffee shop.
he showed you a grin, a grin like none other. it showed you how much he did actually like you. 
it’s safe to say he only spent the rest of his stay at your house, or in your company. even clay couldn’t steal him from you. 
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lvlyhao · 3 years
Text
『lifetimes; H.R』
one-shot; huang renjun
A/N: it’s been a hot minute since i posted the teaser but welp it’s finally here :] this has got to be one of my favourite things i’ve ever written so please give it some love!!
𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓻𝓮𝓼: not a lot of it but fluff (♡), angst (❆), fantasy (✯), author’s favourite (ツ)
𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼: some mentions of death but nothing too explicit
word count: 2.8K
pairing: huang renjun x reader
disclaimer: the characters in the story below do not reflect real people or present real facts. this is purely fictional, and you may not copy, change, translate or repost my work in any way. all rights reserved © cherry-hyejin 2021.
*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:
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With chocolate eyes that dazzle golden under the light, he scouts the forest. The canopy is thick above his head and shudders every few seconds when some creature hurriedly passes by. The trees' branches sway in the breeze, and he can almost hear their rumbling under the chirping birds. The ever-so-green grass is dank under his boots, and he can still smell the rain that ended just a couple minutes ago. The Sun, though, seems to have no recollection of that. He is as argent as always, here in the Violet Woods. The place is dazzling, alive, and crisp; far too different from his own home, but also far less foreign. 
Graceful fingers reach for the periwinkle flowers just left from the tallest red oak, kissing their soft petals as he wonders where they are. Renjun is positive he's at the right place, and this is the right time. Noon, by the bush of forget-me-nots. He could only hope they hadn't misremembered this week's chosen spot. Knowing them, it's perfectly possible. Maybe he should head to the muttering roses, where they had met last week, and wait there instead...
Laboured breaths and feathery footsteps sound from behind him a second later, and he doesn't have to turn around to know it's them.
"You're late", he states, fierce gaze still burning in the flowers.
Renjun doesn't expect an apology, not really, but the mellow hand they lay on his shoulder is just as startling. Still kneeling, he twirls to face them at once, and he doesn't miss the dim look of urgency that paints their features.
"Y/N? What happened? Are you okay?"
They don't answer him. Instead, their lips curl into a small smile that Renjun supposes is meant to calm his nerves. It doesn't work very well, or well at all, and he stands up to his full height, holding their hand in his.
Both of their hearts beat loudly, wildly attempting to escape their ribcages. However, neither of them shies away from the proximity. Renjun and Y/N idly stand together for a second, basking in each other's warmth when they speak for the first time today.
"Father knows about you."
If the incoming information is anything short of shocking, he doesn't let it show. His keen, fox-like traits remain the same as he searches their eyes for something else—fear, rage, or any other emotion. Something that would tell him what to do now. 
Nodding slowly, he gently squeezes their fingers, waiting for them to continue. 
The way Renjun looks at them is enough to make Y/N's throat tighten in concern. From the palace, all the way over here, they've been trying to conceal it, but they no longer can. 
It's freezing cold, even against the strings of sunlight that filter through the trees. Its' grip is vicious, instilling into their body a form of despair they had never felt before. It is the dawning realization that their little world is shattering, and there's little they can do to save it.
"...And he calls you a filthy mortal."
Somehow, Renjun finds it in him to snort. Out of all the things he thought they would say, that was certainly not one of them, but it makes him happy. After all those months, they still manage to catch him off-guard. Will they ever stop doing that?
"Aren't you elves so kind?" he laughs, lifting his other hand to gently flick at their pointy ears.
Y/N simply huffs, dodging his fingers and escaping from his hold to pace around the trees.
Watching them in silence, Renjun thinks their race truly is something else. Elegant, breathtaking, stunning, unmatched, perfect. Sharp edges give way to soft curves that make him question the existence of all deities. Should he turn his face in shame? Should he go down on his knees and beg for forgiveness over sins he didn't commit? Should he declare them as his one redemption and worship them until his breath forever ceases?
Sighing dreamily, he thinks he, too, would be an arrogant bastard if he looked anything like an elf.
"Don't put that on us, Renjun. You, humans, have a terrible tendency to destroy and foul the space you occupy" Y/N turns to him. 
Placing their hands on their hips, they know they're falling into the usual routine: bickering about historical events between the two races until one gives up. That's how their rendezvous always begins, and they wouldn't have it any other way, but today something hovers in the air between them.
Doubts.
Renjun can't keep himself from speaking.
"He will banish you some time, Y/N. You know we can't keep this up forever."
He's right, and they know. Had it not been for the strands of sunshine dancing across their frame, they would have shivered. The thought of getting banished from their realm is terrifying. Y/N is still incredibly young for an elf—just over their 75 years—but they've lived enough to know how it goes for elves who get exiled. 
For an elf, banishment isn't being outlawed from your homeland. That is most indisputably sad, and Y/N would cry about it for some time, missing nature's presence from her forests. Although that's not the part of the exile that frightens them: it's the loss of immortality, their lifelines cut too short from straying from their hearths.
Death is no friend of the elves, as everybody knows. The mere idea of perishing from disease or poison is strange to their minds, if not altogether catastrophic. It's not normal, as it is not natural. It's almost reason enough to stop Y/N from making her offer, but the pink haze in their eyes wouldn't allow them to.
"Run away with me then", they mutter, slowly closing the distance between them and the boy once again. Something in Renjun's eyes shifts, and his pink lips part to speak, but not yet. 
"Protect me from the dangers of mortality. We could go south to the Cristalline Planes, Injun", Y/N stops in front of him. "Or, maybe even head west, since I know you've always wanted to see Wistful Shores."
Hope shines bright in their complexion, burning with such richness it nearly turns into despair. What they're doing is not asking—they're pleading, and Renjun nearly collapses to the ground at the honeyed tone in their voice. However, the glow of their fingers, smoothly tracing the shapes of his light robes, grounds him. Their touch is as delicate as the breeze, and it takes all of his self-control not to say "yes" right away.
"And let you give up on eternal life for me? That is possibly the most foolish decision I have ever heard of", he says, stoping their movements to lace his fingers between theirs.  
For a moment, everything around the two of them stills and fades into silence. The woods are quieter than ever before, and even the tree's lullaby comes to a halt. Nothing exists out of their eyes, embedded deep into the others'. 
His might just be Y/N's favourite thing in the whole entire world. The vibrant, sunny brown of his orbs reminds them of the goodness still left in mortals. They shimmer, sparkle and flicker with every bit of emotion Renjun feels, for they are too honest not to. It would be nothing short of a crime if they ever lied about his heart.
Y/N's are what he would describe as literal gateways. To where? Well, that, he will always argue. Some nights, when the stars are out, he could swear the entire universe is right there, before him. On other occasions, when what surrounds them are the glistening streaks of dawn, Renjun sees magic in its purest form. He could spend all of his life staring at them and still feel like there's too much left to explore.
"I don't think this foolish decision is yours to make, then", they decide, lightly squeezing his hands and glancing down to the ground. "I would rather live one more hour with you than one hundred lifetimes on my own."
There is a sharp intake in his breath as if a blade had buried itself deep in his stomach. It pains him just the same, he realizes. Hearing them say that and knowing they speak the truth brings tears to his eyes because he knows this is the point where he has to stop them. Stop them from wondering about the "what if's" and from asking that of him. Gods know if they ask again, he won't have the strength to decline.
"I, on the other hand, would like for you to live a very long, happy, fulfilling life," he remarks, hoping the shaking in his voice is not too evident. "And for that to happen, you can't be that much of an idiot, okay? Don't give that away for some human prince, Y/N."
"And what if that human prince is all I care about? What if he is my entire existence, and my one reason to sleep through the nights is to dream about him? What then, Renjun?" they challenge. 
It's rare to see elves speaking in any way that is not moderate, light, but the fire in their voice is nothing like he's ever seen. It's the same anger that fuels them to pull him closer, resting their palms on his warm cheeks and wiping away the tears he didn't know have fallen. 
"Then you must tell me what does that make me. What is this between us?" Renjun mutters, eyes closing with soft flutters. Guilt claws at his chest for not immediately putting an end to it but savouring the moment, feeling himself fall a bit deeper for the elf as each second ticks by.
"Love", Y/N simply states, sighing when his hands come together to hold the small of their back. "It's love."
"A part of me wishes you had not said that", he leans into their touch. "Had you said 'nothing' and stopped torturing me, my heart would have been broken, but I would have been fine. How can I be, now, when all you've just done makes me cherish you more?" he chuckles bitterly.
He knows what they're about to say, and he can't stand to hear it, so he continues talking, eyes indolently opening to scan their features.
"Things are different for us, Y/N. While you don't have to worry about succeeding the throne, that is my fate. To be a good ruler for my people when my own father dies. I can't leave them behind", Renjun breathes, hating the way their hopeful look melts into denial.
"You have a brother, you know? Leave him to rule. We've both seen what it's like to wear the crown, Injun", they grimace. 
It is true. Being part of the royal family means you grow used to many horrible sights and dark secrets. He can't help but wonder what it will be like to live all of that and not have you to keep him sane.
Shaking his head to dissolve querying thoughts, Renjun attempts to focus on something else that is not them. It's dangerous to be that close, feeling their own ragged breaths fawning over his face. He is just one touch away from all he has ever wanted, but one touch away is still forbidden. In that one touch lies his downfall.
As if hearing his prayers, the wind blows stronger, running through his silken, dark locks and messing up Y/N's. It backfires, though. The urge he has to resist now is to run his hands through their hair, pushing away all of the wild strands that frame their face, and he curses. Nothing could ever make this any less difficult for him.
"If Chenle ever becomes king, I pity the people that will live under his hand." 
He smiles, and Y/N realizes he must be attempting to make a joke. They wish they could laugh, but the conclusion behind his words hangs in the air. He won't change his mind, will he?
A sob leaves their body as suddenly as the tears come. Their vision turns misty, and the cold awareness that hits them is too much to manage. Wordlessly, Y/N falls to their knees, hugging their own body in attempts to calm the heartbreaking cries pouring from their lips. The pleasant spring evening turns cold and unforgiving, and the elf loses their bearings for a second, only to realize Renjun has dropped to the ground in front of them.
Neither of them dares to open their eyes when two bodies become one, and the only thing they know is each other. Fingers grasp at robes, armour and leather, and rough sobs blend together in utter heartbreak. Renjun pulls them so close he's not sure which limbs are his or whose tears he's tasting, but it hardly matters. This is where they end.
How much time they spend lost in each other's embraces is unclear. Neither Y/N nor Renjun knows, and they don't want to. Acknowledging time is dangerous here because it means accepting this moment won't last forever, and that is something they can't—won't do. It won't be so until they let it, right?
Wrong, and they know it. The Sun is going down.
When sobs have turned into whimpers and clutches have turned into caresses, Y/N takes the courage to pull away and look at him.
The prince's eyes are red and puffy, much like theirs, they imagine. His pale cheeks are stained with dry tears, and his pretty lips still tremble from the deep breaths. He doesn't meet their gaze until they call his name.
"Renjun", they call once more, admiring the blue hour lights shifting across his dashing features. "I—" Y/N gasps, and he's suddenly terrified of what they'll say. "I think maybe... maybe we should no longer meet. I can't bear to look at you and know you're not mine to take."
Just like that, his fears were confirmed. In his mind, he knows this is how it was supposed to go all along. This is for the best, he reminds himself, even if right now it feels like having your soul ripped to shreds.
"Don't say it like that, Y/N. I've always been, and I'll always be yours", he flashes a watery smile. "Perhaps just... in another lifetime."
The pain becomes too much to handle, and all they can do is close the space between them again. Their last and first kiss is salty, from the tears they both still shed and bittersweet, from the goodbye it speaks.
How poetic, they think, to say goodbye right by a bush of forget-me-nots. I'll surely never forget him.
"Go now", Y/N whispers as they part, "before I kiss you again and never let you go."
A heartbroken chuckle leaves his lips while he touches his forehead against theirs. 
"Remember me, Y/N", he begs, slowly dragging them to their feet. "Remember me like this, young and well, learning what the flowers you mark our spots with look like. Always see me like this: grateful and completely in love with you."
"How could I not, my prince?"
And in truth, how could they not?
To say Y/N never forgot about Renjun is a misunderstanding. They never forgot about him, and they never stopped thinking about him either. His are every emotion they've felt. Every split of every second in every day of their life was and is dedicated to him. His smile is all they see when they close their eyes, and his laughter sounds right by their side whenever they visit the forget-me-not fields. He lived in all of the things surrounding them, and even in the name of that corner right by the tallest red oak: Prince's Lair.
Likewise, his very soul was bound to Y/N from the day they met to the day he died, still in reverence of how much devotion it is possible to feel for someone. He grew older and eventually found a family, yes, and he even went to war. His eyes held visions he would never wish for anyone to see, but they were still his first thought in the morning and the last one in the night when he allowed himself to weep for their lost future. He got to see the most distant borders of many kingdoms, and he got to meet people in all of them. Yet, no creature on this Earth ever compared to Y/N—his Y/N.
Even at the tender age of 18, Renjun was wise. 
Aeons of praying upon the stars never changed their fortune, but maybe there is something else to their fates.
Y/N never stopped loving Renjun, and Renjun loved them until his days were over, but their paths never crossed again.
Perhaps in another lifetime.
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