#her not noticing it was a big presentation cuz she needed to explain why she was late but still had 3 drinks shes me
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i fear it's lost to the archives forever besties 😭😭😭
#i want to see these two overjoyed announcing them buying smosh with people cheering and crying#followed by like 5 cast members coming in 15 minutes late with coffee#it would cure me i think#especially what they described Olivia's reaction#her not noticing it was a big presentation cuz she needed to explain why she was late but still had 3 drinks shes me#smosh#this is why even if i get the membership i cant jump on the discord id be there every day asking for the footage
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Scarlet Lady: Zombizou
Directory | Prime Queen
“As requested, I looked into whether or not the Bee or Cat has ‘extra’ powers,” Master Fu said, passing the pages on the Grimoire as Adrien looked on, his mind still on the events of the previous day.
“Hm,” he noncommittally said, distracted.
“There is something here, but…” Fu continued, fingering the characters in a page underneath a picture of Marigold's top. “It's unclear, as usual. Something about powers manifesting in times of great need. But my training didn't include decoding ancient vague posts.”
Fu shook his head.
“From what I gather, it's dependent on the holder to unlock any new–”
That was when he noticed Adrien was not paying his full attention.
“Is something on your mind, Adrien?” he asked, shaking him off his mental elucubrations.
“Huh? Ah, no, nothing! Thank you for updating me, Master!” he quickly replied, standing up to get ready to leave. After a few words of goodbye, Adrien left the shop and closed the door behind him.
“You didn't tell him you think Goldilocks might be Pigtails,” Plagg pointed out, and Adrien looked away, uncomfortable.
“Uhh…” he said, trying to find an answer that would actually work, only for Plagg to nod at him.
“Good choice. If you find out her identity, you'll have to give up your Miraculous.”
“Well, that's dumb. And shouldn't it be the other way around?” Adrien pointed out. “Giving the Black Cat to a noob at this point would be a disaster. Either way, it's not like I have proof. No need to involve Master Fu.”
“Right…” Plagg awkwardly replied.
—
Meanwhile, at another house near Françoise Dupont, Marinette was talking with Pollen on a similar matter.
“Pollen, should I try to find out Chat Noir's identity?” she asked her Kwami partner, who nodded with a grin.
“Whatever you think is best!” she replied.
Pollen was not up to date with current protocols, needless to say.
—
The next day, all of Marinette's classmates were ready to celebrate the day they had been preparing for the past weeks.
“I drew Mme. Bustier as a superhero for her birthday,” Nathaniel explained, “cuz she's always solving problems!”
Their teacher's birthday.
“I wish her solutions included less hugging,” Nino replied with a deadpan look.
“My gift is to thank her for the meditation minute,” Mylène said as she got her present on the table. “It keeps me calm.”
“Yeah, free nap time is awesome!” Kim added, causing Ivan to roll his eyes.
“Kim, that's not the point of meditation,” the gentle giant pointed out.
“I, for one, am a big fan of our morning compliment time,” Lila said, sparkling as she twirled around with a smile. “Isn't it great to start the day exchanging compliments?”
We all know why you enjoy it, Alix, Max, and Nathaniel thought as they thought of the latest such event.
—
Three days before
It was morning compliment time, and Mme. Bustier had picked two girls she could tell were having some difficulties with each other (or, as her students would put it, hated each other's guts) so they would say nice things about each other. Maybe this would help them become friends!
Or so she thought. because, as it turned out, people had the ability of making insults sound like praise, and neither Chloé nor Lila were shy about it.
“Oh, Chloé, I love how confident you are in your makeup skills,” Lila said, grinning at the Mayor's daughter, “despite being a total amateur!”
“Hmph! Well, I love how entertaining it is when you lie about having an amazing life even though you're a total nobody!” Chloé fired back.
“O-ho! You know, it's really brave of you to wear so much white when your fake tan is so runny.”
Chloé glared at the smirking Italian girl… while Mme. Bustier kept smiling, oblivious to what was really going on.
—
“What about you, Marinette?” Adrien asked. “I'm sure you came up with something awesome, as usual.”
“Heheh˜” she giggled, pulling out the box she had prepared. “I got her favorite shade of lip balm, and I made a makeup back with the first thing Mme. Bustier taught us: ‘If we want to change the world, we must all learn to love each other’.”
“AWW!” several of her classmates said.
“Isn't that lesson kinda… juvenile?” Alya asked with a grimace, which Marinette answered to with a side-eye.
“Well, she's been teaching some of us since we were six,” she replied as she put things back in place.
“Hey Chloé, what did you get Mme Bustier?” Sabrina asked with a smug look on her face.
“Ugh! Uh…” Chloé groaned as she tried to find an answer, but Marinette interrupted.
“C'mon, Sabrina, you know Chloé didn't get anything just like every year since Cours Preparatoire.”
“Whatever,” Chloé said, looking away and crossing her arms. “All that nonsense about compliments and love? Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!”
“What a shocker,” Marinette sarcastically replied as she opened her locker and put her present inside. “Caring about someone other than herself would require Chloé to have a heart.”
“Um, of course I have a heart? I could even buy yours,” Chloé replied, causing Marinette to roll her eyes at Chloé’s stupidity as she closed the locker.
—
The door to Marinette's locker opened again, but this time it was Chloé at the other side, marker in hand, as she grabbed the box.
“I can't believe I have to take my own cap off my own marker,” she complained. “What I go through to make sure Dupain-Cheng knows her place.”
—
“BON ANNIVERSAIRE, MME. BUSTIER!” the class cheered as their teacher entered the classroom, looking at the small pile of presents on the table.
“You're all so sweet, thank you!” the teacher said, smiling and blushing at her students’ generosity.
“Oh, Marinette made that one!” Alya said, pointing at the present that was closest to Mme. Bustier, who gently opened it… to find a box with an ugly scribble made with marker and covering what looked like a beautiful sewing of a sentence she could barely make out.
“Huh?! What's this?” the teacher asked, showing her students the contents.
“WHAT?!” Marinette shouted, turning to glare at Chloé. “I know you did this, CHLOÉ BOURGEOIS!”
Mme. Bustier raised her hands, trying to calm her student down.
“Now, we don't know that it was Chloé–”
“Of course it was Chloé!” Marinette interrupted, pointing at the blonde's face, who wasn't even bothering to hide how pleased she was. “Just look at her smug face!”
“Seriously, Chloé?!” Alix shouted.
“Why do you have to make everyone around you miserable?!” Nino yelled.
“Students, calm down. We don't want to be upset on my birthday, do we?” she asked, before checking the box over. “Well, I think it's a wonderful present. And I'll be able to think of both of you when I use it!”
Something inside of Marinette… snapped.
“Ex-CUSE ME?!” she shouted, unable to comprehend what was going on. Mme. Bustier looked at her student and walked up to the door.
“Marinette, would you come with me, please?” she gently asked, opening the door to the corridor, as Marinette slouched in shock.
“What is happening right now?” she mumbled.
“Alya, don't let things get out of hand while we're gone,” the teacher commanded, and Alya nodded.
“Oh, I'll keep us right on track,” she replied, as everyone else in the room aimed their death glares at Chloé… who suddenly realized she might have made a miscalculation as thirteen people made their best to drill holes into her with their eyes.
—
Hawkmoth had noticed it. How could he not? Such anger was usually the type that produced the best Akumas.
Yet… he also noticed who was this angry, and he knew all too well what had happened every other time an Akuma aimed at Marinette Dupain-Cheng.
But… it might be his best chance.
He sent the butterfly.
“Please let this be worth going after the girl for,” he said as he saw the black Lepidoptera vanish through one of the windows in his lair. “No risk no reward, I guess.”
—
As soon as they were outside, Mme. Bustier put a hand on Marinette's shoulder… who wasn't feeling placated at all.
“Chloé vandalized my work and I'm getting punished?” she asked, morose.
“Don't be silly, Marinette. You’re not in trouble.”
“But you are punishing me,” she fired, making Mme. Bustier lift her hand. “You're giving Chloé credit for my gift. My time and energy and hard work. That's punishing me.”
Mme. Bustier remained silent for a moment, and for that moment Marinette thought she might have got through her…
“... as class representative, I want you to be a good example for the class.”
Nope, she hadn't. Marinette felt her eye twitch.
“Chloé is capable of great things, but she only thinks of herself because she doesn't know how to love.”
The twitching became more intense.
“But you can show her how! You just have to forgive Chloé!”
Something snapped. Again.
This time, it was any kind of self-control.
And Marinette glared at her teacher.
“ARE YOU ACTUALLY KIDDING ME?!” she yelled, for once in her life completely furious.
“Marinette–” Mme. Bustier tried to interrupt, but Marinette didn't care.
Chloé had stepped on her berserk button, and Mme. Bustier had not only done the same, but acted as if it were perfectly good.
“NO! Chloé did this maliciously! And she's not even SORRY!” Marinette continued yelling, her frustration pouring through. Almost ten years of her teacher mollycoddling Chloé, ignoring everyone else's requests in favor of favoring the mayor's daughter, had accumulated. And with the dam burst open, she just released it all. “All ‘forgiving’ her does is tell her that no matter how awful she is, she'll get away with it! Or even be praised for it!”
“That's–” Mme. Bustier attempted to stop her, but Marinette was on a roll, and no teacher was going to stop her.
“And what about me?! Why should I ever do nice things when I'm told to suck it up when my efforts are spat on?! Why do Chloé's feelings matter more than mine, the wronged party?!”
“Now, listen here–” Mme. Bustier said. Marinette could recognize the teacher was getting angry. But Marinette recognized something else.
She did not care.
“Well, I'm done! If you don't want to punish Chloé, fine, I can't make you! Just like you can't make me pretend Chloé isn't the meanest, rudest, most despicable person I've ever met!”
“Marinette Dupain-Cheng!”
Oh, resorting to full names? Marinette's subconscious noted. Time for the coup de grace.
“All that's necessary for evil to succeed, is for good people to do nothing,” she said, giving the teacher a look as she walked away. “And you did nothing, Mme. Bustier.”
With such Parthian shot she left, not wasting the time to look back at her teacher.
Mme. Bustier had sowed the wind, and now the harvest had included hurricanes.
And, as she walked off, Marinette gave a sigh of relaxation. That had felt amazing.
—
Hawkmoth realized that his original target had somehow managed to get rid of her negative feelings - or, at least, enough of them that she would be hard to Akumatize. But right next to her was another potential target… one that was angry with his original target.
“Well, switching from the girl to someone upset with the girl is marginally better, I guess,” he said, ordering the butterfly to move for the new target. “In for a penny, in for a pound. I mean, I already sent out the butterfly…”
—
“Chloé, you're worse than Hawkmoth!” Alya yelled.
“You've caused half the Akumas in Paris!” Alyx shouted.
Not that Chloé cared.
“Is it my fault that I'm better than all of you?”
“Just because your mom forgets your birthday doesn't mean you get to take it out on Marinette or Mme. Bustier,” Sabrina venomously fired, causing Chloé to turn to her former friend, furious.
“How dare you?! I don't have to sit here while you spill my life story! Keep your big mouth shut, Raincomprix!” Chloé yelled back, putting all her stuff back into her bag and then moving to leave the classroom, just as the door opened to let Marinette in. “Out of my way!”
“Hey!” Marinette shouted as Chloé shoved her aside.
“Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!” she grumbled as she left the classroom. “Where does she get the gall–huh?!”
“Zombizou, I'm Hawkmoth.”
“Oh, great,” she complained. First her moron classmates and now she'd have to deal with her moron sidekicks and her moron teacher.
“Your student spoke so hatefully towards you. I'll give you the power to spread love and compassion in exchange for the Ladybug and Cat Miraculous,” Hawkmoth said, and Chloé decided to carefully get herself out of the way to avoid getting caught in today's nonsense.
“I won't stop until everyone on Earth feels the love!” the teacher declared as Chloé reached the stairs. “Starting with Marinette Dupain-Cheng!”
Chloé stopped.
Now… maybe she didn't need to leave so fast…
—
“GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE!” Mme. Bustier said as she reentered the classroom - but this was clearly not their teacher.
“Wha–?!”
“Mme. Bustier?!”
Because… to be honest, what her teacher was wearing now was making Marinette's eyes water. The teacher's usually loose brown hair was now tied in a green-gray bun held together with two massive needles, her face had a pink domino mask over her face, and her outfit was now black with a large pink heart on the torso and more hearts spread over it.
Marinette liked pink as much as the next girl, but this was an abomination.
“From now on, everyone is going to hug and kiss and feel the love!” the Akumatized teacher declared, causing Alyx to grimace.
“But not, like, literally, right…?” she asked.
“Starting with my role model student, Marinette! MWAH!”
“AH!” Marinette shouted as she jumped aside, while a small black heart slammed just behind where she'd just moved away from. “What the heck is that?!”
“Tch. Missed.”
“Mme. Bustier!” Rose shouted. “Snap out of it!”
“I'm not Caline Bustier anymore! I am Zombizou!”
Quickly, the students grabbed their backpacks and tossed them at the Akuma.
“Sorry for this, Mme. B!” Nino shouted while jumping off his seat.
“Ah! OW!” Zombizou yelled as she got slammed by multiple heavy backpacks.
“Get out, quick!” Marinette ordered, and everyone followed, knowing that putting distance between themselves and the villain was their best option to survive.
“You won't escape my love!” Zombizou declared. “MWAH!”
And the heart flew… straight into Sabrina's neck.
“AH!”
“Hahaha, smoochies my poochies!”
—
As the class ran, Sabrina almost tripped down the stairs and held onto the rail, her face flushing.
“I… is it suddenly very hot in here?” she asked, trying to stay on her feet as her mind clouded.
“Huh?” Adrien asked, wondering what had happened to their friend.
“‘Brina?” Lila asked in a worried tone.
“Can you keep going?” Adrien asked.
“Try to make it to the nurse's office at least!” Lila encouraged, even as Sabrina sat on the but stairs.
“Lila…” Sabrina mumbled… before she tackled Lila, her pupils somehow replaced with pink hearts, and pushing her to the ground. “Kissou~!”
“Wah!” Lila yelled in shock, and stunned as she was, she was unable to keep Sabrina from… kissing her in the cheeks.
“Sabrina! Stop smearing your lip gloss all over me!” Lila begged, embarrassed. “Now's not the time to realize how amazing I am!”
But then, when Sabrina stopped kissing her, Lila had the same pupils, and she tackled the closest person - Mylène.
“Kissou~!”
“Ah!”
“Mylène!” Ivan shouted, worried about what was going on, but one thing was clear: this was starting to get out of hand – particularly as Mylène started to turn around.
“It's contagious! Don't let yourself get kissed!” Alya warned him... but Ivan chose to stand at the bottom of the stairs, as the three girls tried to rush him, shouting 'Kissou~!'.
“Go! I'll hold them off!” Ivan shouted.
“Ivan!”
---
Nathaniel ran to the Art Club room: he knew that splitting from the rest of his class was tempting fate, per every horror movie he had seen, but he had to do something! His friends there were unaware of the newest threat!
“Quick, you have to hide!” he shouted as he opened the door. “There's an Akuma, and–!”
“Go on, Nathaniel,” his teacher's Akumatized form's voice sounded right behind him. “Tell us all about the Akuma.”
He wasn't the type to throw ugly words around, but he felt that this time, he totally deserved to be able to do so.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU–
Unfortunately, he got hit by Zombizou's kiss before he could utter that aloud.
---
As his classmates ran upstairs to avoid all the kiss zombies that had suddenly sprung out, caused by Zombizou's power, Adrien realized he had the perfect excuse to get away and transform.
He faked slowing down and looked away, so Nino would be unable to see his face as he lied like a rug.
“Oh, noo, I–I feel faint. I think I– ugh, ki–kissou–”
“Dude, I love you but not enough to makeout with your zombie, stay away!” Nino warned as he followed Juleka to the top floor.
…
He wasn't going to go into how that sounded like. He had enough trouble already.
---
“I'll find you sooner or later, Marinette!”
“Kissou~!”
“You'll have to accept my love!”
“Kissou~!”
“Whether you like it or not!”
If she weren't an Akuma, she'd have probably been piled on by a zillion police officers already.
---
“I don't want to make out with strangers!” Max moaned in distress from his perch on Kim's back, as the survivors of the group holed themselves up in the locker room.
“What do we do?!” Alya asked, still shaking from the shock of everything that happened in the past few minutes.
“We're gonna hide until the heroes fix this!” Marinette ordered, while internally aware that that meant only Chat Noir would be there to do anything.
“Hey.”
“FUCK!” Marinette yelled after the 'heroine' suddenly showed up from within a locker. “Scarlet Lady, what the HECK?!”
Then she realized something was very much out of place.
“Why are you hiding in a locker?”
Scarlet Lady looked on, silently, before turning around and waving her hand.
“Anyways~”
“She ignored me?!”
Though, Marinette wasn't sure why she was that surprised – it wasn't as if Scarlet Lady ever paid attention to anything that wasn't her ego.
“Kissou!”
“Kissou!”
Everyone turned to look at the room's inner window, horrified to realize it was swarming with... well, the kiss zombies created by Zombizou.
“Oh no, they found us!” Kim yelled.
Scarlet Lady ran to the outer window and opened it, pointing upwards.
“Quick, we need to get on the roof!”
The students looked at her, suspicious.
“Why's she suddenly so helpful?” Alya asked, a sentiment shared by everyone else. Scarlet Lady never did anything that didn't benefit her.
Of course, they were completely right in being suspicious.
If I want a front row to the Akuma getting Dupain-Cheng, I'll have to stay with the group for now, the 'heroine' thought, hiding her evil grin from her classmates.
---
Fortunately (and no thanks to Scarlet Lady), the entire group managed to reach the roof, and much more fortunately, Chat Noir landed just next to them as they took a breather, and Marinette pulled out her phone to check the situation.
“Hey everyone! Let's hold off on the usual greetings, yeah?” Chat Noir suggested as Marinette opened her TVi app.
“Hordes of kissing zombies are spreading through Paris – ah!” Mme. Chamack reported, only to get interrupted by Zombizou, who turned to look at the camera.
“I'm coming for you, Marinette! And Chat Noir, Scarlet Lady, and Marigold!” the Akuma declared, and Marinette quickly turned it off, in shock.
“S–She's after me?!” she said, stunned.
“Maybe we should give them what they want,” Scarlet Lady added, and everyone else turned to glare at her.
“Don't even think about it!” Max shouted, clearly angry.
“You'd have to get through us!” Kim added, just as angry as his best friend.
“Come near her and I'll throw you to the zombies myself!” Chat Noir threatened.
“Aw! Guys!” Marinette replied, although she wasn't as happy as she should be. Though ditching me would make it easier to transform.
“Kissouuuu!”
“Kissou!”
“They're getting on the roof!” Nino alerted.
“What do we do now?” Rose asked.
“Over there! A bus!” Marinette suggested, pointing at the large vehicle. “Think you can drive, Chaton?”
“About as well as anyone else, ma belle,” Chat Noir answered, as he tried to think on how to reach it from their current position. “One of us has to throw my belt back to the roof and the other has to catch it–”
“I'll catch the belt!” Scarlet Lady offered, and Marinette and Chat Noir looked at each other.
“Super sus,” they both agreed.
Chat Noir jumped down to distract the zombies after giving his belt to Alix, and they all quickly used it to slide down a cable that led near the bus.
Unfortunately, it wasn't fast enough, and...
“Please hit Zombizou extra hard.”
“Kissou!”
“MAX!”
“For being top tier uncomfortable!” their genius classmate said, having moved away to keep the zombies distracted from Marinette just long enough for her to escape.
“Ho–kay!” Kim exclaimed, grabbing Marinette and putting her on the improvised zip line. “Gotta go fast, 'Nette!”
“Wait, what–” and Kim shoved her down. “AHHHHHHHH!”
Scarlet Lady pouted.
There goes my chance to throw her to the zombies.
Then Kim turned, realizing she was still there, and pushed her off the roof.
“Hurry up and save everyone already!” he shouted.
“Wah –!”
“Kissou!”
As he got grabbed by the zombies, Kim noted that he was glad Max wouldn't remember what happened.
---
Thankfully, Marinette's sudden travel down the line was brief, and Rose was there to help her down, while Chat Noir jumped between vehicles to keep the zombies' attention away from the bus.
“Hey-yo! Don't you want to kiss me?!” he taunted, as he happily noticed Marinette was safe(r).
“Kissou!”
“I've got you, Marinette!” the blonde girl said.
“Just be careful behind you, Rose!” Marinette warned, and the two of them ran towards the bus –
“KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Rose yelled as one of the zombies grabbed her wrist.
“Rose!”
“LET HER GO!”
Juleka's shout was accompanied with a mighty punch that forced the zombie away from her girlfriend.
“Juleka!” Marinette added, as the goth girl pulled them into the bus, and Rose hugged Juleka.
“My hero!” she exclaimed, unaware of the mark left in her right arm.
“That was an awesome right hook!” Alix complimented, and Juleka looked bashful
“I've been, uh, practicing.”
That was when Chat Noir jumped in, and after a few false starts he managed to make the engine run.
“If we get to the Eiffel Tower, we can lure the Akuma out,” Marinette suggested, and Chat Noir nodded.
“Hopefully, Marigold had the same idea–”
“AHHHHHH!”
“Rose, Juleka!”
“G–Get back!” Scarlet Lady shouted, backing off, as Rose turned around.
“Kissouuuu~”
None of them had realized Rose had been hit with a kiss, and she had just given another to Juleka. They had a zombie in the bus!
Which was when Alix jumped ahead and grabbed Rose by the shoulders, keeping her at arm's length.
“Hngh!” she grumbled, struggling to hold her off.
“Alix!” She was doing a lot of yelling her friends' names, wasn't she?
“Kissou! Mwah!” the zombified Rose mumbled as she tried to kiss Alix.
“Everyone! I'm trusting you to protect Marinette! And to get back at Hawkmoth and Zombizou for this nightmare!”
“Mmwah!” Rose kissed Alix, sealing her fate, as Marinette was pulled out of the bus by Alya and Nino, followed by Chat Noir and Scarlet Lady, as they finally reached their destination, still followed by zombified Parisians who were eager to try and kiss them.
“Kissou!”
“Kissou?”
“C'mon, c'mon, faster!” Alya shouted as she pressed the button to open the elevator's doors. They did, and–
“No–!”
“Kissouuu!”
“Mwah!”
“Alya!”
“Get off of her!”
The zombies had lied in wait, and too fast for Alya to avoid before they kissed her. While Chat Noir and Nino were able to force them away, it was too late.
“Alya–!” Marinette cried out, kneeling next to her best friend, and Alya gave her a wan smile.
“Hey, it's okay,” she replied. “Chat Noir and Marigold will save us. So keep yourself safe.”
“For both of us, 'Nette,” Nino added, holding Alya's hand.
“Nino?!” Marinette asked in shock, and Alya gently shoved her towards the elevator.
“You two...” Alya started, then she thought it better. “You better take care of my best girl, Kit-Kat.”
“Of course,” Chat Noir replied, and Scarlet Lady pouted.
“Uh, I'm still here too, you know.”
Nobody cared.
Not when the situation was so dire.
Chat Noir pulled her into the elevator and closed the door, pressing the top floor button.
---
“Don't forget our deal, Zombizou!” Hawkmoth said, glad that he was safely ensconced in his secret lair.
“They won't escape my kiss by hiding out at the Eiffel Tower!” his latest Akuma promised.
He knew it was close! Those Miraculouses were already his!
---
Nino could notice when his girlfriend's resistance to the Akuma's effect collapsed, as her face blushed and her eyes turned into those creepy heart-like pupils.
He sighed.
“It's not the first time we've been in trouble together,” he said, as Alya tackled him.
“Kissouuuuu!”
“Yeah, yeah, 'kissou' or whatever.”
---
As the door closed behind her, Marinette felt her eyes tear up, and looked down to hide them from Chat Noir.
The pain... it felt like her heart was tearing itself apart.
“Why?! Why didn't they protect themselves?!” she cried out, sobbing as the tears cascaded off her eyes and hit the elevator floor. “How could they sacrifice themselves for me?! I HATE THIS!”
“Hey!” Chat Noir gently said, lifting her head and cleaning her tears with his thumb. “Marinette, no one saw it as a 'sacrifice'. They protected you because they love you.”
And when he smiled, so softly and beautifully, her heart forgot for a moment its pain.
“And that's why I'm going to protect you too.”
“Chat Noir...” she replied, stunned. Had he... did he just...
“But also don't get sloppy because I have zero faith in this 'helpful' Scar,” he whispered, making her feel a bit of whiplash from the change of matter, but she had to agree with him.
---
After the long climb up, the elevator's door finally opened, and they were at the tower's highest terrace. They should be safe there, but...
“Damn, they're here too!” Chat Noir complained as they realized there were a few zombies there as well.
“It's not too many, stay sharp!” Marinette told the others.
Here's where you get what's coming to you, Dupain-Cheng! Scarlet Lady thought... and she tossed her yo-yo at Marinette.
Chat Noir, however, had been ready for this, and blocked it with his staff.
“What do you think you're doing, Scar?!” he shouted.
“Chat Noir, look out!” Marinette warned.
In his haste to protect Marinette from Scarlet Lady, he had forgot about the other dangers in the tower.
And the zombies promptly swarmed him.
“AH!”
“CHAT NOIR, NO!”
Chat Noir was able to force them away from Marinette and block their advance with his own body and staff... but his face was now covered in kisses.
“Chat, don't leave me!” she begged, tearing up again.
“Hey, Princess, don't cry. Everything is going to be okay,” he replied, still smiling.
“You don't know that!”
“Marigold will defeat Zombizou, and Scar will fix everything.”
“You haven't even heard from Marigold!” she exclaimed, feeling guilty. “How do you have such faith in her?!”
“She's the best partner in the world, Marinette,” he replied, and the glint in his eyes told her he knew much more than he ought to. “Believe in her like I do.”
“Chaton...”
“If you're done with your spappy moment,” Scar interrupted, tensing the yo-yo rope, and Marinette turned to face her. “Now that all the roadblocks are out of the way, you'll finally get what you deserve for making fun of Chloé!”
She tossed the yo-yo again, but Marinette dodged it (silently thanking her work as Marigold for it).
“Hold still!” Scar shouted.
“Where are your priorities, you menace?!” Marinette angrily yelled, furious that she had just caused her to lose Chat Noir to the zombies.
Not that Scar cared.
“I'm gonna hand you over to the grossest zombie I can find–”
“Kissou!”
And Chat Noir kissed Scar in the cheek.
“Huh?”
Marinette took advantage of the distraction to slip back into the elevator room.
“Ew ew ew, cat lips!” she heard Scar yell, but Marinette had something else in mind.
“B–Buzz On,” she mumbled, and felt the transformation take her.
But it was too late. She collapsed, sat with her hands over her head, as she realized what just happened.
“Scarlet Lady... Scarlet Lady's infected... she can't reverse the Akuma...” she mumbled. She was all alone now... and she had no way to fix what the Akuma had just caused. She... had she lost? “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god–”
“HAHAHA!”
And, of course, just to make things worse, Zombizou showed up.
“Marinette, Marigold, come out come out wherever you are! Witness the final triumph of love before I claim the Miraculouses!”
She couldn't do anything.
She might be wearing a Miraculous... but, right now... she needed an outright miracle.
“What can I do, what can I do?!” she mumbled, and in her despair, her shock, she imagined as if bees were buzzing around her. “I have to... I have to...”
And, like a dam that had overfilled... something burst from within her.
“AHHHHHHHH!” she screamed.
She didn't know if it was pain, or shock, or just plain need to yell out her feelings for everyone to know.
But what sprung from her was an explosion of light.
And suddenly... she knew she could do it.
She had found her miracle.
---
The explosion of light blinded all the zombies surrounding the elevator cabin, and forced Zombizou to cover her eyes.
“WHAT IS THIS LIGHT?!” the Akuma yelled, surprised at the sudden turn of events. She had finally cornered Marinette, and then this had happened. Her sweet hearts were now rubbing their eyes and collapsed on the floor, and so they were out of place when the door opened again. “Marigold, YOU–”
But there, she stopped.
Because Marigold's costume was now, somehow, shining. Black and gold had moved around the surface, with her leggings going from gold to black while her sleeves did the opposite. And she was twirling her top around, looking at her with an impassive face.
“Why–?! What's with that suit?!” Zombizou yelled, but Marigold didn't answer.
She threw her spinning top.
“BEE BALM!”
And suddenly everything was swarming with bees.
But when Zombizou realized the bees were not attacking her, she laughed.
“Ha. Hahaha! All that flashy light and it did nothing, Marigold–”
“Where am I?”
Zombizou turned to look at her sweet hearts... which were no longer under her control!
“Wasn't I at work?”
“What are these glowing bees?”
“WHAT?! My SWEET HEARTS!”
“Marigold freed them from your influence?!” she heard Hawkmoth shout.
Before she could react, try to bring them back under her love –
“Venom.”
“Wai–!”
Too late.
Zombizou became paralyzed.
And the nightmare was finally over.
---
“No fair, why does she get a new look?!” Scar complained.
Nobody cared.
“Wow, you unlocked a new power!” Chat Noir exclaimed, his eyes sparkling in joy as he took in her partner and her new uniform. “I knew you could do it! You really saved the day! How'd you pull it off?!”
Marigold... didn't answer.
She just bonked her head on his chest.
And...
“M–Marigold?!”
… she sniffed.
What happened?
---
As Scar finally deigned to do her work and use the Cure, Mme. Bustier was brought back to normality, and the woman collapsed on her knees as she realized what had just happened.
“Oh no, I... I let my negative emotions take over, how terrible!” she moaned in distress. “I'm terrible.”
“Hm,” Marigold joined in, turning to look at her. “Then I guess that means nearly all your students are 'terrible'.”
“What?! No, that's not–” the teacher protested, but she was interrupted by Chat Noir.
“Exactly. Feeling things like anger or sadness or jealousy is normal, and nothing to be ashamed of,” the hero stated. “How we react, how we use these emotions, is what matters.”
“And the only one to blame for taking things too far is Hawkmoth,” Marigold finished, before the two of them jumped off as her timer began to beep.
And the teacher was left alone with the last of the group.
“Scarlet Lady, you're friends with Chloé, right?”
“Huh?” the 'heroine' said, before realizing what was going on. “Oh, uh, of course! Best friends!”
The teacher approached her, and put a hand on her shoulder.
“I'm so glad she has you as a good influence,” she said, and Scarlet Lady looked nervous as she did so.
“Uh, thanks?”
“Chloé's friends aren't being very nice right now, so I was worried.”
“Oh, that's no big deal,” she declared, smug. “Chloé only surrounds herself with the best after all! They're just being dramatic.”
“Thank goodness!”
And the teacher hugged the 'heroine'.
“Thank you for not leaving Chloé alone.”
“Heheh, yeah, sure.”
---
Marinette mentally sighed in relief as she saw all of her friends and schoolmates milling about, as if they hadn't been struck by the latest Akuma.
Save for the fact that they were actually talking about said Akuma, it was all good.
“Did you wake up before the cure went out?” Mylène asked Alix.
“I saw bees and then ladybugs!” Nino told Adrien, who was nodding with a smile.
“G–Good morning, everyone,” she timidly interrupted.
“Marinette!” her friends exclaimed as they realized she had just arrived.
“Thank you all for protecting me yesterday and...” she sighed again. “I'm really sorry. When Mme. Bustier pulled me out of class, I went off on her. So it's my fault she was Akuma–”
“You really did that?” Ivan asked.
“That's amazing!” Alix and Nathaniel exclaimed together.
“Awesome,” Juleka added.
All of them were actually sparkling.
“H-Huh?!”
Marinette was so shocked she could barely show her shock at how... well her classmates had just taken the news.
“Mme. B didn't hold back pictures even though she knew I was in the bathroom,” Juleka explained, retreating back into her shell.
“And she let me do Chloé's work for years and never stepped in to stop it!” Sabrina added, angry at the reminder of what she had done in the name of her 'friendship'.
“If you mess up a little, she sends you to the Principal,” Ivan joined in, “but I knew I'd look like the bad guy if I said anything negative about the 'nice' teacher.”
Marinette was surprised to see everyone nod to Ivan's words. It was as if everyone had been in the same boat as Ivan regarding their teacher...
“No one blames you for losing it on Bustier,” Adrien said.
“Not when she was letting Chloé get away with bullying you again,” Nino added.
“We'd dive in front of a hundred Akumas to protect you!” Alya offered, smiling.
“Thanks, but PLEASE DON'T!”
She had already been traumatized enough. She didn't care to repeat the experience.
---
When Mme. Bustier arrived to her off, she found a small box with a card where Chloé thanked her for putting her ahead of the others.
Unfortunately, Mme. Bustier didn't realize the real meaning of it, and accepted it as proof that she was right about her student.
---
The Mime
Welp, the memetic molester of Akumas just passed through. Glad to see her leave, not so glad she never learned the lesson.
Apologies for the lateness, I have too many things in hand and too little time to work on them. Still doing this, though, just as the SL comic enters its finish line.
So, that's 514 pages, 205324 words, 1108074 characters.
I'll do my best to get the next chapter ASAP!
#scarlet lady the novel#fanfiction#milarqui#long post#adrien agreste#chat noir#marinette dupain cheng#marigold#adrienette#caline bustier#zombizou#scarlet lady is better than canon
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Woah! It's been a long time since I posted something coming from myself, isn't it? Well, the VLD show is over, but the fandom is still alive and creating ideas for a #postseason8 sort of thing, and I actually like this kind of content. Aaaand, because of that, I also love improving my skills to represent moments and characters too.
This drawing was, like, the first thing I drew from Princess Malocoti. I really, really fell in love with her design, is so amazing and cool! It definitely called my attention! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ However, the time passed and passed and I guess I kinda improved her design ideas.
Being she a character whose drawing consistency fades away sometimes, I've chosen personal design options that would fit more, always thinking about how would she look in VLD and a Post Season 8 with different animation. Why is it? Cuz as I read before from the fandom, DreamWorks doesn't have the license anymore, so, maybe to keep the consistency in character design, another Corean or Japanese Animation Studio, along with Studio Mir, was in my mind when I draw the VLD characters. I usually mix the character concept with more realistic facial expressions, with the preexisting designs made in VLD.
https://www.deviantart.com/ceryanie/art/Princess-Malocoti-Facial-Concept-903043201
I started to practice more the facial concept I actually wanted for princess Malocoti. Even when this is not the sequencing order from one sketch to another, it actually represents how different from Princess Allura I wanted her to look.
https://www.deviantart.com/ceryanie/art/Pirncess-Malocoti-Voltron-Ascenders-Post-s8-853039095
As time passed, I wanted to "read" Malocoti's design from the top of the head to the tip of the feet. Having a curvy body as It was in the comics, which makes a difference in style and physical characteristics of VLD, sounded good to me; however, I guessed it needed to be adapted to fit more in the style that was present in the show.
So, I tried and tried to make the character more appealing while looking at the comic's physical appearance. A slender body, with big breasts and bigger hips than Allura, I could see (this is not me being a perv, I had to have specific observations, sorry for the description, though). Seen the previous Sketches, it was noticeable how I've exaggerated body features in order to comprehend, instead of analyzing more, but apart from it, this could be justified by saying I was developing her backstory at the moment too, so I focused on two things at the same time.
Now, I'm looking at it much better as my skills progressed a little bit too.
In terms of hair and body, I made them more remarkable to highlight a difference in terms of design from Allura. I tried to give her features according to the backstory I started to write for her. I thought "Well, she gotta have a convincing design and a backstory that can hold it". I have lots of things in mind for her story and Krellian culture, as well as a new name for her, since I actually want "Malocoti" to be kind of a last name.
However, what I'm talking about? What do I want when expressing a fan Fanfiction concept many of us don't know about? Well, please, allow me to explain the deal.
"Voltron: Eclipse of a Legend" or "VEoaL" (VEOAL), is a post season 8 fanfict that tries to find solutions to problems made in the Voltron: Legendary Defender, using most of the canon elements and writing structures to form new ones that can be explained, offering an enriched story with the proper character backstory that can justify the present actitudes and physically personal changes given to the characters. Enforces moral messages about "found family", "friendship" and "teamwork", as well as including ones that tend to be more developed and serious when it comes to the topics. Due to the main cast being all adults, the level of bloodshed, skin exposition, adult themes and swear words depending if it would fit the character's personality, can appear, adding more to it, these features only appear with a good justification to serve into the story.
Damages caused by Voltron in past seasons can be now affecting the present.
Broken relationships can be existing with the purpose of being "fixed".
Realistic responses, dialogues and reactions can be given.
New missions and new antagonists can be included with an actual role serving the story.
LGBT+ representation will be included with certain characters.
Minor characters like Curtis will have more depth.
Personal main cast backstory explaining their personality in VLD can be highly included.
The main purpose is to give more character dev and development, as well as including comic relief here and there.
A new menace is affecting realities around the universe and their different solar systems. With new oppositions against the Defender of the Universe for cracks they left behind, Coran warns to Lance, who is still struggling with a new identity left by her deceased girlfriend, Princess Allura. Meanwhile, Shiro's decease is increasing with not too much time left to him, breaking the heart of the ex Voltron pilots. Pidge, and a really exhausted Hunk, are on the way to find an explanation to the strange phenomenon with Coran and Romelle's help. Obstacles are in their way to hit them like never before; members with a broken relationship between themselves have to work together to find a possible way to bring Voltron back and save the universe once more. Resistance. When the past is calling them, is it okay to hear them, or just leave them behind?
Lots of stuff are coming through my mind and I actually need to do the fic. I had two attempts before, but I guess I now have a more stablished structure to begin with.
Talking about the progress I made with Malocoti's conceptual design, I looked more at her hair instead of the rest of the features I actually know. While drawing today, I found out that she has an already more detailed kind of hairstyle than just her hair pulled back.
The hair is way different in the two vignettes, however, I took the first one as a reference for her hair, along with a more detailed style in the front of it. The first one made clear her hair is wavy and has braids in the back. With some references for girly hairstyles and looking more reference for elf princesses, I could finally find a personal hairstyle that fits more with her and looks very similar to the one in the first vignette.
I also saw how I actually improved in the sketch and anatomy too, but, well, I'm still not so good with hands. I should practice them more apart.
I was going to draw her with clothes that actually cover her body, but anyway, I'd give you some more spoilers if I do that. This is one, but is not that complex or necessary. She's just dancing to please people as a plan, and later one she comes to fruition.
I actually hope you like this progress as much as I do, and tell me what you think about it. It's a very long post, but I guess it's worth it. Thank you for reading and supporting me!
I'm on DeviantART accepting point commissions as @Ceryanie. @Ceryaniedraws on Instagram @Ceryaniedraws on Youtube and Twitter and here, you know, Ceryanie. You can follow me there and talk to me about anything.
Oops, clumsy me! Here's the sketch!
#PrincessMalocoti#Voltron Legendary Defender#VLD#VLD Characters#Sketch#Traditional Sketch#Character Design#DragonPrincess#BlackLegends#Conceptual Design#VLD girls#Voltron Legendary Defender Girls#Midge#Post Season 8#Voltron Post Season 8#Voltron Eclipse of A Legend#VEOAL#VLD comic characters
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So, as I promised, Inarizaki New Year request. Inarizaki boys and manager make party at her place, they prepare dinner, decorate the Christmas tree and her home (twins hang the mistletoe everywhere, but manager-chan is clueless so she doesn't know about kissing tradition), exchange gifts, have sleepover etc. Next day they all go together to the shrine and all boys ask to marry her. And they are EMBARRASSED when manager asks them what they ask.
Ahhh Tilli my love! I'll finally use this as a Christmas and New year one combined (eventho they've both passed a long time ago :) and this will be the final addition to the Inarizaki December series!
Once again, thank you so much for supporting me through it all, and showering love on every day's imagine. I didn't expect to get 100-200 notes on some days, but I did!! And I'm really ever so grateful. I hope you'll stay tuned :D
-
Inarizaki's manager-chan day 25!!
Late merry Christmas!! 💖 (And happy new year)
☃️
It was finally the seventh day of Christmas.
The day everyone looked forward to, filled with so much cheer and joy. The boys couldn't wait to spend it at your house. (They couldn't spend the actual day of Christmas with you, due to clashes in the schedule), but that's okay. They were here now.
It was unorthodox, to decorate the tree and give gifts days after the 25th, but it didn't matter to you, and if it didn't matter to you, it didn't matter to the boys either.
The house was warm, and you were busy baking cookies. The smell of gingerbread and peppermint floated in the air. Suna snuck up behind you and took a dab of the cookie mixture. “I rate this a 10/10”
Kita glared at him. “Suna that wasn't very hygienic” which only caused you to laugh.
Christmas carols were playing from the small Bluetooth speaker near the tree, and you suddenly felt like dancing. After wiping your hands dry and shutting the oven so the cookies could bake, you pulled Kita to you and placed your hands on his shoulder.
“Dance with me, Kita-san”
His eyes sparkled as his cheeks heated up.
“Of course, my lady.”
And the rest of the members watched enviously as you spun around with Kita in tow. You looked gorgeous, and so undeniably happy.
“My turn!” said Atsumu indignantly as he replaced Kita. He pulled your waist closer to him as he picked you up and twirled you around. Your squeals made his heart beat faster as he gently let you go.
“That's enough dancing for one day, now go decorate the tree or something. These cookies will be done soon and me and y/n need to decorate them.” said the gray haired twin.
The boys nodded as they made their way to the big tree in the living room, whilst you were left alone in the kitchen with Osamu.
Osamu swiped a bit of frosting on your cheek and laughed, as he put on the oven mitts, readying himself to take the cookies out of the oven.
You laughed and licked the frosting off.
Damn. Osamu's brain almost short-circuited, but he pushed such thoughts out of his mind and instead focused on the cookies.
“How shall we ice them?”
You mixed food colouring into the frosting bowls and explained you wanted to ice them according to each of the members.
“We'll use white for Kita! Since he's so dedicated and wonderful, white suits him best. And green for Tsumu, because he makes me feel happy and fresh inside.”
Osamu nodded with a small smile. “And what about me?”
“Purple for you, because I feel comfortable with you, you're basically my home. And red for Rin, because red is a sleepy colour, and I just love napping on his lap.”
“Oh and blue for Aran! He makes me feel safe inside. Orange for Akagi, he's such a cheerful person, he's like my very own sunshine.”
Osamu blushed and stroked your cheek gently. “You're my little home too, ya know that? I'm icing yours pink.”
Pink for the way you make me blush, my love.
You beamed at him and began icing the cookies, delicately and carefully, whilst Osamu iced the other half.
-
The rest of the boys finished decorating the tree as they took a step back to admire their work.
Suna gently adjusted the baubles, before taking a few pictures. He wanted to capture this moment forever.
Suddenly, you and Osamu came to the room with a mixture of cookies and a few mugs of hot chocolate and marshmallows.
Akagi smiled as he placed a kiss on your cheek before snagging a cookie. “Aww you guys are the best, thank you!”
The snow slowly fell outside, as the tree sparkled proudly in the center of the living room.
“Hey we still need to put the angel on top!”
Atsumu jokingly picked you up in his arms “we have one right here, shall I put her on top of the tree?”
The boys laughed as they passed you the tiny angel figurine. “we can't reach it anyways, why don't you put it instead?" Said Aran with a small smile.
Atsumu lifted you up gently as you placed the angel on the top of the tree, completing the decoration process.
“Thanks, you guys are amazing. I'm so lucky to have you.”
Your words were met with a chorus of "I love you's" and "me too's"
And you laughed, as Atsumu pulled you closer to him.
“Tsumu, you can put her down now” said a disgruntled Osamu.
-
[ 2 hours earlier ]
Osamu: have you placed the mistletoe in random spots?
Atsumu: yes, what about you?
Osamu: yeah, but I've kept one in my pocket. I'll just put it up whenever we're alone and it show to her.
Atsumu: damn that's so smart, why didn't I think of that? :(
Osamu: cuz yer' stupid.
Atsumu: >:(
-
[present time]
You and the boys play tons of games in the living room, and stash their gifts underneath the tree too.
“Let's open then tomorrow morning! We'll sleep in here too, and it will be fun to open them as soon as we wake up.” you say happily.
Suna leans on your shoulder throughout the evening, and soon his head makes its way to your lap, as usual.
You laugh and ruffle his hair, as he looks up at you breathlessly. You're so beautiful to him. So undeniably gorgeous. Atsumu wasn't lying when he called you an angel.
Suna's pupils dilated as he stared into your eyes. “I love you, y/n”
Not hearing the sincerity and hidden meaning behind his words, you replied with a quick “I love you too, Rin-rin”
And frankly, even if you didn't know how much he truly meant it, it didn't matter. He'd make sure you did, someday.
-
The plate of cookies were left with only crumbs and the mugs were all empty.
The next part of the night was dinner, and since Kita was the only one who could drive, he'd take you out to pick it up.
“Let's go Y/n-san” said Kita, as a tired Suna whined when he had to lose your lap-pillow.
You nodded and followed him, fastening the seatbelt in the passengers seat as you winked at the boys. “Be good while we're gone, okay?”
Kita turned up the radio. It was a song he didn't particularly like, but you seemed to love. However, you switched the radio off.
“Y/n-san, don't you like this song? Why did you change it?”
“Because you don't like it, Kita-san, and I want to talk to you. Your voice is better than any song.” was your simple reply.
No beating around the bush, you were ever so straightforward, and yet it made Kita's heart beat faster.
“so what would you like to talk about?”
And it started from there. A car-ride filled with the voices of the both of you.
At the traffic light, Kita gave you a sideways glance as he saw your excited expression talking about the cookies you baked.
But frankly he wasn't listening anymore. he was admiring the way your eyes shone in delight, and your cheeks as they were pink from the cold. He smiled at the way your face seemed to light up, and at the beautiful smile etched into it.
And Kita found that beautiful.
“It was delicious, right? And the frosting was beautiful too?” you finished excitedly, by asking him.
“she really is beautiful” said Kita in a trance, as the light turned red and he snapped out of it.
“I mean, yes, the frosting was beautiful!”
-
After picking up a bucket of KFC, as it's traditionally eaten to celebrate Christmas, the boys greeted you at the door.
“Mom and dad are home” joked Akagi.
“Oh my, so that means y/n's our mommy?” said Atsumu seductively, which earned him a sharp kick from Osamu. “Hey Tsumu, shut the hell up.”
The table was set and filled with cheer and banter from all sides, as Akagi sat next to you, and plated everything out.
You sighed happily. Truthfully, you weren't aware of traditions in Japan, since you were new to the country, but the boys taught you every day. It was Osamu who informed you that people in Japan ate their Christmas dinners at KFC.
“It's kinda like a tradition here” he said, with a small shrug. And you were determined to stick to those traditions.
“Are there any other traditions you practice, here? During Christmas?” you asked, in between bites.
Atsumu smirked at you and held up a small plant. “This is called mistletoe, but I won't tell you what the tradition related to it is”
You were confused, because all the other boys had suddenly turned red, and no matter how much you asked them, they refused to tell you what the significance of mistletoe was.
“Hmm, weird” you said softly, as you finished dinner, and brought your plate to the kitchen to be washed.
As you walked out, you noticed a small sprig of mistletoe above you, and a tall presence looming over you...
-
[ hello!! This is route time!! There are six members which I have written mistletoe routes for, and the corresponding colours will be for each member, so read whichever you want to!!]
(pink is the general route. no matter which route you choose, the new year's day story will continue with the general route, so please keep that in mind.)
-
Kita
Osamu
Aran
Atsumu
Akagi
Suna
-
You looked up and saw Akagi, and he had a bunch of other dishes in his hands. “I've lost a bet, so they've made me wash their dishes”
Atsumu's gleeful voice could be heard as he egged his senpai on. “make sure they're spotless, Akagi!”
You took half of the plates from Akagi kindly and assured him you'd help him.
“my hands are wet anyways. It'd be a bother to dry them after washing only one plate”
“T-thanks” he stuttered softly.
-
As you and Akagi washed the plates side by side, he felt a slight tug in his chest. It felt so domestic, to come home to you, hug you in his arms, and do the most mundane of tasks with you, like washing the dishes like this.
He wouldn't mind anything, honestly. As long as he was with you, the most grueling of chores would become fun.
And as he saw your brows furrowed in concentration, he sighed. You looked ever so adorable like that.
“Y/n-chan, I don't know if I've told you this yet, but you look very beautiful today.”
It took a lot of courage. Everyone saw him as a jokester, a perpetually happy person, but with you he wanted to be different.
He wanted you to know that when he complimented you like that, he wasn't joking. Not the least bit.
A soft tint could be seen on your cheeks as you continued washing the plates. “why thank you, Akagi. You look really nice too ”
And somehow, with that one compliment, you made Akagi happier than he had ever been.
The kitchen was filled with comfortable silence, and you appreciated the presence of the tall raven-haired libero who stood next to you, as he swore this scene would repeat itself in the future, someday, but with you as his girl.
-
The late dinner left everyone in a lazy mood, and although the Bluetooth speakers played more music, it became softer, more calm, and everyone felt ready to sleep.
The sleeping bags were arranged in the living room, in a small semicircle as you laid yours next to Atsumu.
“I didn't want to be alone in my room, knowing you guys were just outside, so I hope you don't mind if I slept here too” you said with a small blush.
The boys were overjoyed and eagerly made more space for you.
“I hope it won't be uncomfortable for you, y/n-san.”
You shook your head and settled into the sleeping back. “thank you for the concern, Kita-san, but you guys are here! how could I possibly be uncomfortable at all?”
You laid down in your sleeping bag as Aran leaned over to switch the lights off.
“Big day tomorrow. Let's all get some rest.”
A silent exchange of "goodnight's" was all you could hear, before complete silence, signalling their exhaustion.
But Atsumu, who was laying down next you was far from asleep.
He turned to the side to face you, his eyes reflecting the moonlight beautifully.
“I'm cold” you whispered, as you shifted in your sleeping bag uncomfortably. Atsumu's heart started beating uncontrollably as he made space in his own sleeping bag for you.
“Let's cuddle. Body heat is still heat, right beautiful?”
You smiled gratefully as you slipped in next to him, and his arms wrapped around you protectively.
His mind began to wander, and like Akagi, he wondered if he could get used to this. To coming home after a hard day and slipping into bed with you.
To keeping you warm on cold nights, and holding you if you had a nightmare.
As his fingers gently stroked through your hair, you sighed softly and cuddled closer to his chest in a dream-like state.
You had fallen asleep in his arms, just like he had dreamt for so often, and he couldn't wait till he'd be able to have you with him every single night.
Every single night for the rest of forever. Atsumu wanted to spend every single one of them with you.
He smiled softly as he observed your sleeping features before pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.
“You'll truly be the death of me, y/n”
-
You awoke many times in the middle of the night, but with Atsumu's firm grip on you, and his comforting body heat, you had no trouble falling back asleep again.
Soon, sunlight began to stream through the windows and the small beams of light slowly caused you to wake up.
The boys were all still asleep, so you gently pried yourself off Atsumu, gave him a gentle kiss to his cheek, and tip-toed to the kitchen, to make breakfast.
Aran, who had incredibly sensitive ears, heard the shift of the fridge door, and woke up. In a groggy-like state, he walked over to you and hugged you from behind.
“good morning” he whispered softly. “can I help you with breakfast?”
Although he wasn't naturally a cook, your patient instructions and kindness proved to be all he needed, and the two of you made a pile of pancakes, drizzled in maple syrup.
By now, the rest of the boys were also awake, they were better than greyhounds when it came to sniffing out food you've made.
But as Aran helped you around the kitchen, he couldn't focus on the others. He couldn't focus on anyone but you.
You, with your messy hair and half lidded eyes. With your low morning voice and small smile. You were so comfortable being yourself, and he really was glad.
Morning-y/n, the y/n only they got to see this morning, was pretty darn adorable. And he wanted her to know that.
“you're so cute when you're still half asleep, ya know?”
Although his voice has a teasing edge, a ring of laughter behind it, Aran wanted you to know that.
“aww thanks Aran, I like your morning voice too” you said with a dopey smile, as your flipped another pancake.
Suna stole one from off the plate and nibbled on it “I rate this a 10/10 too”
“Oh no Kita's glaring at me. I never tasted it in the first place”
-
After breakfast, presents, tons of hugs, and an outfit change later, the Shrine came into view. It was the first day of the new year, and as per the tradition of praying at the shrines for good luck, you and the team were heading there to welcome the new year with hopes and dreams.
“So, you have to clap twice, and wish for whatever it is your head desires for this year” said Akagi with a smile.
The rest of the boys had their eyes screwed shut, as they prayed for their deepest desire; to marry you someday.
Your wish was not so different either. “I wish to be able to be by their sides forever. For their good health, happiness, and safety. I love them.”
As you laid your eyes on their figures, hunched over the shrine, you swore you would do anything to make your wish a reality.
“I love you guys. Happy new year.!!”
-
taglist : @raychii @dai-tsukki-desu @k-sakusa-old @pocket-of-anxiety @sunasthing @thatthangwasthangin @daydreamingtetsu @ignorantsock @ohrintarou @tilli-san
The professor's note: 😭broooo so I'm like finally done?? This was so long I hope you guys enjoy it <3 (it took like 3 days to perfect it, so likes and reblogs are very much appreciated uwu)
#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuufanfics#haikyuu fluff#inarizaki#inarizaki x reader#inarizaki manager headcanons#inarizaki manager#inarizaki hcs#miya atsumu#miya osamu#ojiro aran#kita shinsuke#suna rintarou#akagi michinari#atsumu headcanons#osamu headcanons#kita headcanons#suna headcanons#aran headcanons#atsumu fluff#atsumu drabble#osamu fluff#osamu drabble#suna fluff#suna drabble#kita fluff#kita drabble#aran fluff#aran drabble#inarizaki december!!
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Totally F*ckabke
Tim Drake x Reader
(SFW don't worry haha)
Words: 1.8k
Requested? Yes! From a lovely anon!
“Hi! Can I request 20 with civilian fem reader and Tim?” (20. well fuck me. "gladly")
LINK TO PROMPTS -> REQUESTS ARE STILL OPEN!
Ok so I don’t know who you want to say what and I believe with every ounce of my being that it could 1000% go either way and it’s totally cute so I decided why not write both! Thank you for the inspo!
Reader -> Tim
Public speaking was never your strong suit. You’d like to meet a person who doesn’t get sweaty, jittery, and just a complete nervous wreck during presentations. It didn’t help that this was one of those shitty presentations where the class got graded on paying attention so all eyes really were on you and you were the last presentation of the day. With note cards shaking in your sweaty hands you slowly walked to the front of the room, looking at your classmates who looked bored out of their mind.
Making your way to the front of the room you stopped when your teacher screeched “Timothy! No sleeping in class! What is this? The fourth time I’ve caught you this week?” Glancing up you watched as the school genius rolled his eyes, lazily sauntering to the front of the class slumping into a front row seat. With a yawn Tim propped his head up on his arm mumbling something about the irrelevance of this class for someone of his intellect. While you couldn’t help but agree, you needed to ace this presentation to secure your grade for the semester.
Finally done with the situation, the class’s attention turned to you. Taking a deep breath you began, hoping you wouldn’t run out of time before the bell; trying not to look at the notecards was easy for the first few slides, but nearing the end you needed to be reminded of a key fact to your presentation. Looking down at your notecards you realize you’d smudged almost all the words with your shaking, sweaty hands. So frustrated with yourself you just let slip “Well fuck me” with a groan. While this may have shocked any normal class it was what Tim said next that shook the world.
“Gladly” With that your high school classroom descended into chaos. Your teacher continuously switched between yelling at you for cursing and Tim for even worse while some people in the class whooped and patted Tim on the back and certain girls glared at you for drawing Tim’s attention. Standing in front of the class, a blushing mess, you wanted to melt into the floor and die in one of the cracks in the floor.
Suddenly the bell rang, the majority of the students in your class stood up as you froze, realizing you probably just flunked this class. Deciding you needed to stay back and beg for the teacher’s forgiveness you pressed yourself to the wall and watched students filter out, some winking at you, some glaring, and some making wildly inappropriate gestures.
After begging for another chance and explaining your outburst your teacher let you off, clearly more upset with Tim, who had already left the classroom. As a student who normally worked really hard she let you go, but you had to make a whole new presentation as punishment. More work, but not a flunk so it was a win. Thanking her profusely you practically skipped out of the class, all had not been lost!
Abruptly turning towards the exit you missed a certain classmate waiting outside the classroom for you. “Y/n- wait up!” recognizing the voice you rolled your eyes and kept walking, but you couldn’t help a little smirk at the idea of Tim - Mr. Future Wayne Enterprises CEO waiting for you. As you opened one of the double exit doors he sprung out the other jumping in front of you, looking a little regretful and surprisingly nervous. Stopping in your tracks you crossed your arms and waited for him to talk.
“So, um, I just wanted to say sorry cuz I, um, I just kinda blurted it out and I’m really sleep deprived - like all the time, I practically live off coffee you don’t even know - that’s not the point, basically totally my bad, but like: can you blame me you’re really pretty and very nice plus I think you’re smart even though you don’t show it off but what I mean is, uh, please accept my apology. Plus I heard you get to do the presentation again so that’s good!” Finally he paused to breathe, you took a moment letting it all sink in and somehow finding his exasperation cute. Tim looked up at you with expectant eyes. With a sigh you decided it was fine. Smiling up at him you nodded. “It’s okay, plus pretty boy you’re not so un-fuckable yourself” watching his face flush was payback enough.
“Well if you think so, maybe I can... make it up to you? I can help you with the second presentation?” you agreed, liking the idea of getting to know the sleep deprived, fast-talking, genius coffee monster. “It’s a date!” you smiled, exchanging numbers before you walked off, unable to wipe a grin off your face. What you didn’t notice was Tim behind you grinning punching a fist in the air mouthing “YES” as you walked away.
Tim -> Reader
With a yawn you cursed yourself for covering the late shift for y/b/f at Big Belly Burger, especially after a long day of school. No one ever came in but the store was open 24/7 so for the night it was just a chef who was surfing the internet with earbuds in and you, trying not to sleep on the cash register. When the clock hit 3am you decided it was time for your shift drink, black coffee.
While you were in the back grabbing a coffee mug you could’ve sworn you heard the entrance bell jingle, but it was probably just your imagination. Stretching your arms you made your way back towards the coffee pot and saw four boys sitting at the bar. Every single one looked different, the tallest looked bored, like he didn’t want to be there while the second tallest looked expectant, constantly messing with the shortest, ruffling his hair, pinching his cheeks, and just constantly mothering the young boy who looked about ready to fight anyone who messed with him again. In the back of the group was a lean looking boy, he yawned and looked intently at the coffee pot you had begun brewing, he pushed his slightly messy hair back and you couldn’t help but trail your eyes down to the skin showing when he raised his hand...
“Hey princess a little help over here?” the tallest boy raised an eyebrow at you, snapping you out of your moment as you rushed up to the counter with a smile. “Yeah, sorry, long night. No one usually comes in this late but what can I get for ya?” putting on your best smile you couldn’t help but steal glances at the yawning boy, while the other two older looking guys were good looking, he was the only one who radiated kindness and a lack of the overconfidence the other three carried themselves with, he reminded you of yourself.
Taking their order you had to shake the chef awake, but he began preparing the food. Walking out you noticed the boys had stayed at the bar, clearly waiting to order drinks from you. “Alright what do we want? Milkshake, coffee, soda pop, or water?” the tallest answered first, “Chocolate milkshake!” while the kid looked up at the once motherly figure as he replied, “I’ll do a vanilla and Damian, uh the kid, will take a water. What about you Tim?” mentally logging the two youngest’s names you and Tim made eye contact for the first time, looking directly at you he lost all form of language. Trying to cover for him you asked, “saw you looking at the coffee pot earlier, can I get you some?” he nodded, looking down as one of the boys started laughing. “Jay stop please” came from Tim.
Trying to break some tension you said “So little fella here is Damian, tall and brooding is Jay, english major is Tim, and the one who paid is Dick” you waited for confirmation. Slightly impressed the boys nodded, adding that they were brothers. Chatting while you prepared and blended their shakes you realized they were the Wayne brothers, but you didn’t want to embarrass them. You were so tired, your brain holding no self control, wanting to learn more about the boys, especially Tim. Learning that Dick demanded they bond every other week and this was tonight’s chosen activity you understood the different boy’s emotions.
While handing each boy their drink you held on to the handle in hopes you’d touch Tim’s hand. “Uh it’s hot here, grab the handle then I’ll let go” feeling his hand wrap around yours made the both of you blush and clearly distracted Tim as he dropped the mug of coffee. “Well fuck me” Tim groaned, he jumped up glaring at his brothers as the laughed, the two of you began wiping up the mess. Tim hopped over the bar to help you clean on your side where the majority of the coffee was spilled, you couldn’t help but be impressed with his agility. While both of you bent down below the bar you decided to be brave, whispering in his ear, “you said ‘fuck me’ and I just want you to know I would gladly” he completely flushed and you popped up, throwing out paper towels.
Tim eventually rose from behind the bar, still blushing uncontrollably and smiling. “Shit lemme get behind that bar I want what Drake’s having princess” Jason began to get up with a smirk before he was pulled down by Dick. “Sorry buddy she’s clearly going for Timbers.” Dick smiled approvingly while the youngest Wayne rolled his eyes, tired with the flirting. “TT y/n I believe it is, I can see our food is ready but please take all the time you need trying to get with my brother but can I please eat while the two of you idiots make eyes at each other.” a wildly embarrassed Tim leaped over the bar again, this time going for Damian.
Spinning on your heels you grabbed the food and placed it in front of each boy. As they ate you chatted with them. Damian and Jason were clearly bored with the small talk while Dick couldn’t stop grinning. Before leaving Tim tried to hype himself up to get your number. As the other boys walked out he stayed with hopeful eyes. Not having to say anything you knew what he wanted. “Would you like a receipt?” you asked with a wink, again unable to form coherent words he nodded. Handing him your number on a folded piece of paper, you kissed his cheek over the bar and waved goodbye. Watching him walk away unable to wipe a grin off his face as his brothers patted him on the back you felt like you could actually see a future with Tim.
#tim drake#tim drake x y/n#tim drake x reader#tim drake x you#tim drake fluff#dc fluff#tim drake x fem!reader#bat boys#dick grayson#jason todd#damian wayne#tim drake x civilian!reader#tim drake cute
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Growing Up is Hard; It’s Hard and Nobody Understands
So I noticed netflix has Neon Genesis Evangelion up last week and started watching it front to back for the first time ever(this happens to have coincided with me being in a down-mood for your edification, dear readers u_u), finished it today, REALLY liked it, and I wanted to try my hand at explaining what the hell is even going on in NGE cuz it actl seemed super-clear to me(a person who has been consuming NGE analysis and post-NGE media for literally 25 years) u_u
Surface Plot; Or NERV: What the Hell Is It?
I’ll try to make this as brief as possible: An organization of super-wealthy individuals calling itself Seele(looking this up, it means soul in german) wants to possess the power of God. The final third or so of the series is clear on this; it’s all about power. Ikari Yui, a geneticist, is recruited by this organization, and her husband Gendo(having taken her name which says a LOT given typical Japanese practice) comes with her. In seeking out this power, they discover a hollow sphere underneath Antarctica(”The White Moon”), send an expedition there under the guise of the UN, encounter an entity with this power which they label an “Angel”, and do SOMETHING which prompts it to explode the continent flooding the earth and killing half the population(that Gendo left beforehand implies this may have been intentional, or that a bad outcome to Seele’s approach was easy to predict, tho in typical Gendo fashion, his is the only ass he cared to save).
Afterwards Seele blame the scientists for this outcome and send Gendo on a salvage mission which recovers both remains of the Angel, now dubbed “Adam”, and a device they dub “the spear of Longinus”. Seele creates Gehirn to study these remains for practical use; they clone “Adam” and dub the result Evas(Eves). Having cloned them, they now need a way to use and control them as the Evas are non-responsive. They hit on the idea of injecting people into them via the Entry Plug system, presumably to act as a brain. The first person to try this, Ikari Yui, was absorbed by the Eva(Unit 01); the second(Soryu Kyoko Zeppelin; Asuka’s mother) was partially psychologically absorbed by Unit 02, psychologically and mentally injured by this, institutionalized, abandoned by her shit USian husband Langley who remarried to her LEAD DOCTOR, and eventual kills herself in a hanging which Asuka either is the first to discover or, given her memories of promising to die with her/begging her not to do it, was present for. An important thing to note about this: Shinji and Asuka’s ability to sync with their Evas comes from the fact that their mothers are PART of their Eva’s identity, and all of their classmates are potential pilot-candidates. The implication here is that Seele KNEW this happened when you put adults into an Angel, and they KEPT DOING IT ANYWAY to create more pilots, but there’s no confirmation of that in series.
After the attempt at human adult control fails, Gendo combines Yui’s DNA with Adam’s and creates Rei. At the same time he is doing this another team, under Akagi Naoko, is developing Magi, a biomechanical computer for simulating the human mind(again: certain implication to this re: Evas though the series never says anything). Naoko is romantically interested in Gendo, and they start getting together(Gendo’s too much of an asshole to be said to date, I think). After Rei, a toddler, tells her Gendo calls her an “old woman” in private, not realizing this is insulting, Naoko kills her, then kills herself out of shame over having MURDERED A CHILD, and Gehirn is folded into a new organization, NERV, which Gendo is put in charge of. Rei forms the basis of the second attempt at controlling the Evas; child-pilots.
How they use Rei for this I’m not exactly sure. It could be because Rei is cloned from Yui(she easily syncs with Unit 01 before Shinji bonds with it completely), or because she’s part Angel via her Adam element(Kaworu says Angels merge with one another easily and naturally), or it could be they did something with Rei I’s corpse and Unit 00(I dont see how as it seems to require a LIVE pilot). Regardless, she is raised to be the pilot for 00, the prototype. MUCH later, when the rest of the Angels finally decide to come looking for Adam, Shinji is called in, and after his success Asuka(who like Rei and unlike Shinji has been training to pilot her whole life) is called to Nerv headquarters(under Japan, in the “Black Moon”; a second spherical hollow where they found another Angel they call Lilith) too.
Regardless the child-pilots are only a step in Nerv and Seele’s plans, as Rei is ALSO the template for the Dummy Plug system, the final step in complete control of Eva units. To put it simply, the Dummy Plugs are Rei-clones without her personality or memories, and will just do whatever the heck they’re ordered to. At least once during the series(and I’d argue two, possibly three times) Rei dies and is replaced by one of these clones through some process, which involves what looks like a pre 00 Eva’s spine and probably a Magi-like backup, which transfers her personality and memories into the new body.
So what is Nerv? Well it’s hard to say EXACTLY because Gendo is in some sort of conflict with Seele(and I want to keep my watches of End of Evangelion out of this post; to focus entirely on JUST NGE itself) and Nerv IS Gendo, but as the series states repeatedly it’s an attempt to control the future of humanity by controlling what they call “the power of god” which, given that it’s what most distinguishes the “Angels”, is the AT, or “Absolute Terror”, Field. What is the AT Field? It’s a field that can make or unmake any kind of matter or energy from basically nothing, and it also seems to have a strong tie to what you could call the Ego; to desires and sense-of-self. An AT Field gets stronger when the person generating it is experiencing powerful emotions; Confidence, sure, but also Fear, Abandonment, the Will to Live, and Anger.
That last bit is very important. Why? Strong AT Field effects require a powerful emotional motivation in the pilot combined with high sync-rates with the Eva(basically a lobotomized Angel-clone) generating the Field. The three pilots we meet, the Strongest candidates, are all exceedingly traumatized people, and Gendo is the direct cause of the trauma of two of them. At no point in the series is Gendo ever a good father to Shinji, he is CONSTANTLY unreasonable, neglectful, and cruel to him; he’s kinder to Rei but at the same time her loneliness, the state of her “home”, and her lack of self worth shows that he rarely interacts with her outside of missions or explains what’s going on beyond bald facts; and he COMPLETELY ignores Asuka, a deeply lonely child with a history of abandonment and close brushes with death; he even delegates bumping her from the program. This point is important because it’s important to recognize that Gendo is a bad dad on PURPOSE; that he instrumentalizes his bad dadness to traumatize Shinji(and Rei and Asuka, though sadly the series doesn’t focus on them enough for us to see much) as much as he can, because he thinks that trauma, that emotional instability and anger, MAKES SHINJI A MORE USEFUL PILOT; ie lets him generate more powerful AT Fields. This is never said clearly, but it’s clearly what’s going on as forcing Unit 01(and thus Shinji) into awful, heartbreaking, life-threatening situations is vital to his plan. Gendo’s a piece of shit, and I want ppl to recognize just HOW BIG a piece of shit he is, because I feel this powerfully.
And for what? For Power. To be “God”. To get the highest numbers. To generate the MOST Invincible Invincibility Shield. For Ridiculous, Absurd, Childish reasons. For, you know, the same reasons rich and powerful people do all the fucked up shit they do in the real world where giant magic robots thankfully DONT exist.
And how do they plan to do this? Through “Human Instrumentation”, which will literally kill everyone by turning them all into goo.
Metaplot; Or “SHINJI! Don’t Get in that Robot!!”
So, maybe this is just because(as said previously) I’ve been reading NGE Analysis and consuming media which NGE heavily inspired for ~25 years, but I think it’s old hat at this point to note that Neon Genesis Evangelion is ALSO an allegory for becoming an adult, centered on Shinji. However, it’s just really SO on the nose in this, so PERFECT as such a narrative, that I want to run through it real quick. Also: A Cruel Angel’s Thesis is basically a thesis-statement for this series; please check out the lyrics.
So Shinji is living under the guardianship of a teacher(yup: this series even takes a swing at how our society uses schools to warehouse kids so their parents can waste their lives producing “Value” instead of raising them), when the shitty dad that abandoned him decides he has a use for him after all and calls him up.
On meeting with a child he has not seen SINCE HE WAS A TODDLER LITERALLY ABANDONED HIM ON THE STREET WHEN HIS MOTHER DIED he immediately ambushes him with the command that he get in a huge body(that he grow up) to do what? Whatever Gendo tells him to, but specifically: commit acts of violence for Gendo and Seele’s profit. He tells him this will protect people; meanwhile doing it destroys those peoples’ literal homes. The rest of the series is a series of monotonous, incomprehensible “Tests” judging his, and his peers, worthiness for approval and affection on the basis of how well they can use those giant bodies to do what Gendo tells them(so: capitalist work), punctuated by unpredictable, brutal, traumatizing, and physically dangerous events(so: capitalist work). Every friend, and the one lover, he meets, he is placed in unnecessary, destructive competition with and, when they are male, forced to attack and(in the case of the one lover, Kaworu) kill them; this last comment on homophobia is so stark and obvs I don’t even feel like you can CALL it subtext, even IF it plays out over mostly a single episode(honestly this plotline should have been given more time). And all the time they’re doing this, they must ALSO continue going to school and maintaining the front that they’re happy smiley Heroes, completely normal and not traumatized at all, and Nerv and the government that lets them run this city is a great and wonderful organization. Is this not what becoming an adult, over your teens and 20s, feels like?
And then there’s Seele and Nerv. Able to move state governments as they wish, Seele CAUSED Second Impact(Global Warming). By not returning Adam’s remains, they’re CAUSING the Angel attacks on Nerv meant to retrieve them(the threat of Human extinction). The Angels eventually begin trying to communicate and Nerv’s response? Destroy them before they can; blow up the Evas(and their pilots) if they succeed. And to top it all off Seele and Nerv are actually trying to CAUSE the very extinction(Third Impact) they claim to be preventing! Seele and Nerv are just SUCH good metaphors for capitalism in our modern day.
The transwoman reading of Shinji also seems pretty dang strong to me, though I’ll only deal with it shallowly. Shinji is the only “male” of all the pilots. Outside of command and security, most Nerv staff are women. Being an Eva pilot, being Nerv staff, is marked as “feminine”, and Shinji is an Eva pilot; is a Nerv staffer. The body he gets into, Unit 01, acts as a metaphor for the large, imposing, masculine body he’s expected to have as an adult “man”, yet it’s also spiritually his mom -feminine- and his ability to use it is tied DIRECTLY with his ability to “Sync” with that spirit; with his ease and comfort being feminine. Even at the level of mere aesthetics, Shinji’s plugsuit makes him appear to have breasts! Going a bit deeper, he initially relates to the women around him by relating to their gender. He’s most at ease with Rei because of the personality traits she shares with him which, we know from his gender-policing of Misato from earlier in the series, are traits he considers feminine(ie: he doesn’t feel like Misato has them, so he thinks she’s being a woman “wrong” and gets oddly offended by this in a way that really feels more about him than her). Asuka is constantly expressing her frustration with him for not “being a man”, ie, for being “feminine” in her eyes, and he isn’t really bothered by it(her calling him an idiot seems to stick much more firmly). Misato and Shinji establish a modus vevendi when she accepts him as he is, allowing him to do the household chores and to cook; he’s comfortable and happy when accepted into roles his culture considers feminine, while most of the series is him bucking AGAINST the masculinity forced on him by Nerv, his father, and others. Again: this is a very surface-level engagement with the subject, but even at that shallow level I feel like the case for reading Shinji as a transwoman is pretty solid.
Dislikes
It’s not a perfect series by any means of course.
There’s allot of dialogue that’s pure 90s nonsense, though the series mostly includes it only to shoot it down.
Like I said above, I don’t think Rei and Asuka really get the time or attention they deserve. In general the series treatment of women is ...Weird... especially around the issue of sex. It’s really strange; in many ways it’s far better than most anime(spcl from that period) on this. Women are ACTUAL PEOPLE with psychology, opinions, and pasts; they’re allowed to have emotions of their own, and struggles, and to be damn competent; they are independent and their own selves rather than accessories or “prizes” to men. But on the issue of feminine sexuality it just gets suddenly so weird in this very particular old-school misogynist way. Like: it treats women’s attraction and reactions TO relationships as something devoid of and impenetrable to reason, without belittling the emotions(the desire and hurt) behind those reactions. That’s the only way I can describe it, and it’s so strange to see something that is both so insulting and sympathetic at once. Oh, and the Akagis in particular are done super-dirty for seemingly no reason I can see, tho I can guess, and Akagi Ritsuki is CLEARLY a lesbian(possibly bi lesbian) and also Rose Lalonde(srsl; her Deal should have been an unrequited, unspoken crush on Misato. They openly dealt with queerness re: Kaworu and Shinji they could have done it here too).
The Kaworu storyline should have been a series of episodes or even developed from the start with him as another pilot(maybe replace Toji with him), though they’d have to tone down his weirdness, at least at the start. A deeper dive on Shinji’s sexuality(honestly his attraction to Kaworu is SO much more immediate and believable than anything we see with him and Asuka, which there is basically nothing of beyond the ep where they had to do choreography for a fight, and that’s not developed on) would have really been appreciated, and having Kaworu be a bigger part of the series would have facilitated that.
Also honestly the whole series feels a bit rushed? Spcl the second half. Like I said: I haven’t done any followup reading lately, but I remember there being some budget problems or something, so maybe that’s the cause. Ironically it might actl also be why it’s as GOOD as it is; having to keep it short forces you to write concise and lean, and that’s probably why its themes and message are so clear. But, I’d have liked more rambling for character development, and more time spent on seeing Rei and Asuka react to the stresses we saw Shinji face(also they never really get moments to shine like he does; another negative common to the medium and genre). Asuka in particular, as a Japanese German with a USian temperament abandoned by her parents, already an outsider in SO many ways, coming to live in an entirely different culture where she’s even MORE of an outsider; forced to live with people(Misato and Shinji) she finds it impossible to relate to or connect with; who has literally NO ONE beside a single adult guardian who totally blows her off THE WHOLE SERIES after delivering her; PLUS her awful past: there’s just SO MUCH material I’d have loved to see explored more slowly and with greater depth, detail, and sympathy even if what IS there already is pretty powerful and effecting. She’s SUCH a good Vriska(so I’d also have loved to see her break more shit too >:>)
Conclusion
So Anyway: I really liked this series. It had its problems, there are things I’d have liked to see, but it absolutely deserves the reputation it has. I might write more about this, I might do a watch through INCLUDING End of Evangelion(which actl makes much more sense having watched the series, though having done so makes Shinji’s masturbation scene comPLETELY out of left-field like where the hell did THAT come from); we’ll see.
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New Perspective
If you have any fic ideas or requests you'd like me to write, you can leave me an ask!
Book: My Two First Loves, Chapter 51
Pairing: Ava Lawrence x MC (Emma Price)
Genre : Fluff
Rating: PG13
Word Count: 4,511
A/N: What would’ve happened if MC went college touring with Ava in Ava’s PoV. A certain couple also makes an appearance and gives Ava some advice 😉
Tag list: @ineedskyecrandall @kamilahsayeet2063 @avalawrencefl @lovekamilahsayeed @thequeenkamilahsayeed @heygmicheelle @djtjsmith14 @jjlover01 @soft-for-drake (lmk if anyone would like to be included or removed in my next fics.)
I stopped outside Emma's house by her driveway and honked. I knew she saw me 'cuz she was sitting on her porch steps but I still did it anyway.
"Get in, loser! We're going college hunting!"
She looked down and shook her head as she made her way to my car but I saw that smile on her lips.
She opened the passenger's side door and got in. She closed it before she looked at me and said, "For the record, that was highly unnecessary."
"For the record, where's the fun in not doing it?"
She rolled her eyes but I knew she was the complete opposite of annoyed.
When I first asked her if she wanted to go college touring with me, I was hesitant. It took me the whole day to decide whether or not I should've sent that message. Eventually, I thought 'Screw it!' and hit the send button. Instant regret flooded me as soon as I did and I left my phone unattended for the next few hours, dreading to see what her reply was.
It normally wouldn't have been such a big deal. She was my best friend after all. However, after that day when Mackenzie asked us to model for her, things became... awkward. It wasn't a bad awkward but we became kinda nervous around each other. I thought back to the day where I figured out that maybe, the girl I was crushing on, my best friend, had a crush on me too.
"I wanna capture the real you," I remember Mack saying vividly. You two have been friends forever! You gotta be able to come up with something!"
"Well, in that case..." Emma glanced at Mack and then at me. Just being under her gaze was enough to make me lose my train of thought. "Ava, come sit on my lap!"
My eyes widened but I caught myself, not wanting to be obvious. I cleared my throat and decided to tease her back. I smirked and placed my hand on my hip.
"Should I give you a lap dance while I'm at it?"
I did not expect the next words to come out of Emma's mouth.
"I mean, if you think it'll look good for the cameras..." she flirted back, speaking low in an enticing voice.
My breath hitched. It's not as if we haven't flirted before, we definitely have. Platonically flirting with each other was something we've always done. But this wasn't it. It felt more than that, it wasn't friendly at all. I could feel the tension between us as she looked me straight in the eye. Her eyes burnt into mine and I could see the want in them.
Any longer and I would've passed out.
I shook myself out of my daze and I sauntered up to her. The show must go on anyway. I wrapped my arms around her neck and painstakingly slowly slid myself down onto her lap, my entire body brushing against hers. The friction between us felt electric on my skin.
I was breathless at the close contact but I managed to ask, "How's this?"
"Great!" Emma squeaked out in a high-pitched voice.
Oh?
Just a few seconds ago she was making come-hither eyes at me and was acting all confident. Now she was a blushing, stuttering mess. This wasn't just two friends playing around, was it? The excitement I felt and the way she squirmed in her seat told me otherwise.
"So feisty, I dig it!" Mackenzie called from behind the camera. I almost totally forgot that Emma's little sister was photographing us. But I wasn't done yet.
My heart was pounding so hard in my chest but I had to know if I made Emma nervous the same way she did me, butterflies in stomach and all that.
I brushed my fingers lightly against the side of her face, stroking her soft skin before placing a gentle kiss. I brushed my lips against her cheek and saw her eyes widen and mouth opened, agape.
I felt her tense under me and hesitantly let her hand rest around my waist.
I could feel the heat radiating off her body and I was sure she could feel the same coming from me.
I leaned in close to her ear, my breath skimming her earlobe and whispered, "Relax." I felt her shudder and saw goosebumps appear on her skin.
Interesting.
"Perfect! I got it!" Mackenzie announced, causing me to spring apart from Emma.
"Oh!" Emma said, flustered. "Good, good."
After that situation, we kinda avoided each other a little. Don't get me wrong, we didn't go out of our way to not talk or see each other, but we didn't make the effort to do reach out either which is very unlike us.
A week later was when I decided to invite her to join me in college touring. I missed her and I knew ignoring whatever that was going on between us wasn't gonna help the situation either. I admit that part of me had asked her to follow me in the hopes that we could finally talk about it. Which explains why I was so nervous went I sent her that text.
To my great relief, she responded with a very enthusiastic, 'I'd love to!' when I checked my phone much later that day.
And here we are now, me in the driver's seat and her in the passenger's of my sedan, blasting music and on the way to some college. I glanced at her to find her already looking at me. Instinctively, she averted her gaze but just as quickly, she looked back at me. I guess she figured there was no point hiding.
"What?" I questioned with a smile, eyes back on the road.
"Nothing," she paused. "I just feel like I haven't seen you in a while."
"We see each other everyday."
"I know, smartass," she responded, laughing. "I mean, I feel like I haven't actually seen you for a while. How are you?"
The statement brought heat to my cheeks and I didn't need to look at her to know her eyes were piercing through my soul, wanting to know if there was truth behind the words that would pass my lips.
"I'm good." And it was true. Now that she was here, I've never felt better.
We made it to the first place on our list, Hartfeld University, which was also the school Emma was aiming for. We looked around together and I noticed that she was particularly interested in a cinematography course that was definitely perfect for her.
As we explore the campus, I could see her eyes light up and I knew she was exactly where she was suppose to be. I was happy for her but I couldn't help but feel a little jealous and insecure about my own future. I was so unsure and uncertain about what I wanted to do it made me anxious.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Emma asked me quietly as we walked through the courtyard.
"Hm?"
"You seem kinda spaced out. What's up?"
"Ugh," I sighed. "It's gonna sound stupid but I just realised how in over my head I am about this whole college thing!"
"It's not stupid, it's normal."
"Maybe, but god, I'm already uncertain about the present, how am I suppose to know what I wanna do in the future?"
Opening up to Emma had always been easy. She was a calming presence and whenever she was around me, I felt at ease.
She slowed down beside me and gazed at me. Once again, I felt nervous. "Uncertain about the present?" My palms sweated up as she spoke her next words. "What do you mean?" she asked even though I knew she knew exactly what I meant.
This was the moment I was waiting for, right? To finally confront my feelings about her and confirm hers. To finally have a talk about us. But I didn't. It was the main reason I asked her to tag along but yet, I wasn't ready. And to be honest, I'm not sure if I ever was gonna be ready.
"It's okay," I said. "If you're done here let's head on to the next uni."
"Okay," she uttered. I could sense the disappointment, as if she wanted me to share more. As if she was hoping I was gonna bring it up.
I ignored it and drove to the next place on out list.
After a few more stops, we finally made it the uni of my top pick; Belvoire University.
We made our way around the campus and looking at all the students there made me feel intimidated but having Emma by my side grounded me. I found myself wondering how on earth I could've ever felt awkward around her over the past week. She was my calm in the storm and I definitely would've been having a panic attack without her.
But then I felt her hand graze against mine as we walked and I suddenly remembered why. As much as she calmed my thoughts, she was also the cause of it to go into overdrive.
My initial instinct was to move away and brush it off as an accident but with everything that had happened between us lately, could it have been intentional? My mind raced. I may not have been ready to talk about it but that didn't mean I couldn’t act on it and test the waters.
Steeling myself, I decided to take the leap of faith. I sucked in a breath and let my hand brush against hers, as light as a feather. I felt her hand stiffen and for a moment, I thought I misread the entire situation and made a mistake. Our friendship has been put through the wringer and I don't think I could take it if anything else happened.
But something did happen. Something that would change our relationship as we knew.
She reached out and held my hand.
This action may seem small but it was the hugest thing to me. We've never held hands before and it felt strangely intimate. Maybe it was because I've never held hands with a girl, let alone a girl I liked, but the contact sent a jolt up my arm and through the rest of my body.
I turned my head to Emma's direction to find a small grin playing on her lips. I glanced down at our intertwined hands. My heart fluttered and I felt myself smiling at the sight.
So this is what it feels like.
We continued to walk down the pathway in comfortable silence, arms swinging slightly by our sides with our hands still in each other's. The soft hand in mine felt nothing like the rough ones I was used to. It was different. A good different. A better different.
Eventually, we came to a point where we decided to part ways to explore on our own since we wanted to check out different things. Emma's hand slipped out of mine and I ached to grab it and never let her go. But I stopped myself and watched her leave my side, waving me a goodbye.
"We'll meet back here when we're done, okay?"
"Okay," I nodded, trying to mask the disappointment and anxiety I felt without her by my side in a foreign place despite finally feeling like I could be myself here.
Gripping the pamphlet in my hand, I strode to one of the buildings but almost immediately realised I had no clue where I was going. I looked around, trying to decide who I should ask for help. I saw a bunch of rowdy frats boys and snobbish sorority girls and made the subconscious decision to steer clear of them.
I peered around more and my eyes landed on two girls sitting by a picnic table by themselves. They were giggling with their arms around each other. They looked like they were in a world of their own even though there were plenty of people around them. Something about them drew me towards them. Before I could think about it, my feet led me to their direction.
"Uh, hi!" I interrupted, announcing my presence to the,. Both heads turned to look at me. "Sorry to intrude, but I was wondering if you could help me?"
"Sure thing! What can we do for ya?" replied one of the girls with a slight country twang.
"Well, I'm touring the university and I think I'm a little lost," I chuckled nervously.
"Oh, babe," the other girl in a pineapple jacket said to me sympathetically.
'Babe?' I thought, feeling myself blush. I knew it was friendly but being called that by someone pretty was bound to have that effect on anyone.
"Forget the touring, if you want to survive Belvoire, you gotta know how things are run here."
That piqued my interest.
"What do you mean?"
Both girls just looked at each other.
"You might want to take a seat for this one."
I did and they explained all the essentials I needed to know. By the time they were done, I was pretty sure I was staring at them in disbelief.
"Oh," was all I could say in response.
"Yeah, Belvoire isn't for the faint of heart," explained the girl with the accent. "I swear the only reason I'm still here is 'cuz of this amazing woman right here." She nudged the girl beside her and smiled.
"You give me too much credit, darling."
They leaned in and kissed each other. When they pulled back, they stared into each other's eyes, smiling softly at the other. They looked so in love. I wondered if I could ever have that. Not only being crazy in love with someone who felt the same way towards me but being comfortable and confident enough to show that love off to the world.
I may have been staring too long and hard at them even though I was lost in my thoughts 'cuz one of them asked, "what's wrong?", breaking my reverie.
"Nothing," I shook my head. "You guys are just cute together."
"Tell us something we don't know," joked the girl in pineapples and I laughed along but then she added, "So who's the girl?"
I froze. "Wh-what?"
"I was once where you are at one point in time. I know that look. And I know that you're dying to talk to someone about it so c'mon, you can tell us."
I sighed. There was no point denying it.
"My best friend," I muttered and hid my face behind my hands. "Who also likes these two other guys."
"Oh, babe," she said again.
"I know. I know, but I can't help it, she just feels... right. Like we were made for each other." I slapped my palm against my forehead at my words. "That sounded pretty cheesy, huh?"
"A little," the other girl giggled. "But trust me, if it's true, it's true." She took her girlfriend's hand and kissed it.
"Okay, cheeseballs, let's get back on topic." Pineapple Girl said but she was grinning. "Do you know if she likes you back?"
I scrunched my brows. "I think so? I mean, I can’t say for sure but I do have a strong feeling she might."
"Here's my advice. Just go for it. Even if ya think you have the slimmest chance, just go ahead and try your luck," said Country Girl. "And that goes for anything in life."
"But we've been friends for years, and I don't want to screw it up if things go south."
"But could you live with yourself if you never tried?" asked Pineapple Girl. "Could you settle for good if you knew you had the chance to make it better? Every stroke a painter does could risk their masterpiece but it's also another step closer to creating something beautiful, so go create something beautiful.
"Okay, Plato, when did you become so philosophical and wise," her girlfriend teased.
"You still have a lot to learn about me, love."
"Looking forward to it."
They continued their flirty banter but their words stuck with me and struck something within me, which made me ponder. Would I risk our friendship for something greater? Could I?
"I may have another problem," I interrupted. "I'm not exactly out. To anyone."
"Not the most progressive place you live in?" asked Country Girl.
I snorted. "You could say that."
"All I have to say is people will surprise ya."
"I'm just scared people will start treating me differently and stop talking to me."
"They aren't worth your time anyway, then. But I grew up in the Midwest and maybe I was lucky, but I definitely didn't have it as bad as I thought I would. I'm not saying you should come out if ya don't want to, but if you're ready, I suggest giving people a chance."
"Hey, worse come to worst, you're leaving for college soon anyway, so it would be the perfect place to start over," Pineapple Girl joked. "Belvoire might be a hellhole at times but our sexuality isn't a grievance here."
Listening to them made me see things in a new light. Maybe I was ready to deal with the feelings between Emma and I. I looked around and saw all the college students minding their own business and realised I had no reason to be intimidated. They didn't bother that I was some high school kid. They just didn't care.
And usually, I'd be extremely cautious about my every action, not wanting to give away the fact that I was not as straight as everyone back home thought. That I was gay, a lesbian. But being here, with Emma, when I was holding her hand, that wariness faded and I felt like I could finally breathe easy again.
Just then, I spotted a familiar figure making her way towards us. Even in a place full of eccentric people with unique personalities like Belvoire, she still shined the brightest. Like a diamond in the rough, a rose among thorns. And I was proud that I got to call her my best friend. My first love.
"Hi!" she greeted me with a smile. "I was wondering where you went."
"Hey, how was touring?" I asked, gesturing her to sit beside me.
"So boring without you." She pouted and grabbed onto my arm. My skin under her palm tingled. "But the people here are definitely... interesting though."
"You can say that again," Country Girl said with a laugh.
"Oh, right," I said, forgetting that we were in company. "Emma, these are-" I paused and turned my attention towards them. "Sorry, I don't think I caught your names."
They laughed and Pineapple Girl introduced her and her girlfriend.
"I'm Zoey and this lovely woman right here, is Bea."
"I'm Ava, by the way."
Emma also gave them a little wave and a smile to be polite.
"Well it's nice to meet you, Ava, Emma." She checked her phone and looked up to address me again. "As much fun as it was talking to you, Bea and I have somewhere we need to be soon."
"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to take up that much of your time."
"It's fine, babe." At the mention of the pet name, I felt Emma beside me tighten her grip that was on my arm. I raised a brow. Was she jealous? "It was nice talking to you."
Emma and I moved to get up and Emma was a few paces in front of me when Zoey called out to me.
"Ava, hold on just a moment."
I turned to look at her. "Yeah?"
"She likes you too, I can tell."
Bea butted in, teasing. "Zoey would know, right, bestie?"
Zoey rolled her eyes but pulled her girlfriend in closer to her to give her a side hug.
I caught up to Emma and we made our way back to my sedan.
So I wasn't just imagining thing.
It was gonna be sundown soon but I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Emma just yet. It's been hours but I still have yet to do the thing I mainly invited her for. And as if she read my mind, she spoke up.
"Where to next?"
I looked at her, confused. "Um, home?"
"Oh," she said softly.
"Unless," I quickly interjected. "You want to do something else? Before I send you back?"
From the corner of my eye, I saw her bite her lip and give a tiny nod. "I don't want to say good bye to you yet."
My heart did a flip at her words and at the tone of her shy voice.
"Me too," I admitted and saw smile. "Alright, I know exactly where to take you."
I drove us to an open field that was seemingly in the middle of nowhere. I parked alongside a few other cars and Emma glanced around. She took in the sight of the other cars and then noticed the big screen in front of us.
"We're at a drive-in theatre?!" She asked, shouting.
"Yeah, I've been meaning to check this place out ever since I heard about it. And since it's on the way and I know you've always wanted to go to one so I thought why not."
She stared at me, speechless.
"Unless this was a complete mistake and you want to go somewhere else then it's-"
"No! No, nothing like that!" She cut me of as she lunged towards me, wrapping her arms around my neck. "Thank you!"
"Oh!" I returned her hug, resting my arms around her waist while chuckling. "You're welcome."
She squeezed me tighter before pulling back to her side again. I could feel myself blush furiously even minutes later. We talked for a bit before the movie started playing.
It was hard to focus on the film playing on the giant screen in front of us when beside me was the most gorgeous girl I knew. Her hand rested beside mine in between us.
My eyes may have been directed straight ahead but I was hyperaware of the tiny gap separating our fingers. Any closer and it would touch.
Fortunately, I didn't have to wait long to see what would happen next. Emma's pinky brushed against mine and I averted my gaze down towards our hands. That simple gesture was a dare, a taunt. 'Come on, do it'. Ironically, it was also all the encouragement I needed.
I hooked my pinky around hers, waiting for her to pull back but she didn't. Slowly, I placed my hand on top of hers and gently squeezed. She took the next initiative to finally turn her hand so her palm met mine as our fingers interlaced.
I sighed, letting out a shaky breath which caught her attention. Her eyes shot in my direction and that action caused me to do the same to her. Her gaze glanced down at our interlocked hands and immediately back up to my eyes. She stared at me as I stared at her, the movie long forgotten. I could see the flame in her eyes as they bore into mine.
And in that moment, there was nothing in the entire universe I wanted more than to just kiss her.
I found myself leaning forward and maybe it was too dark to tell, but I was certain I saw her do the same.
I stopped myself before moving any further. My brows furrowed even as my eyes searched her pretty brown ones. Was I willing to risk our friendship? What we had was good. I thought back to Zoey's words. It was good. But it could be better. And I sure as hell would rather try than remain wondering what could've been.
"Ava," she drew out just above a whisper.
Maybe I wasn't ready to talk about it, I don't know when I'll ever be. But action speaks louder than words and I wanted to be as loud as possible. I was tired of pretending and hiding and I didn't want to wait any longer.
I held the back of her neck and crashed our lips together. The instant our lips met, I melted into a sigh. If I thought feeling her body pressed against mine was electric, the way her lips felt on mine was explosive.
I was invigorated from the way her lips moved on mine, exhilarated from the way her hands grasped onto my shirt, intoxicated from the way the scent of her perfume fogged my sense. Energy surged through my body and chills ran up my spine.
If this is what kissing was supposed to feel like I never wanted it to end.
Her hands left my shirt to travel down my arms and then to the small of my back. Her touch even through my clothes was making me heady. She bit my lip and that's when I lost it.
"Oh, Em!" I moaned into the kiss, unable to help myself.
The sound seemed to push her further. Never breaking the kiss, she got up from her seat to cross over to mine. She straddled my lap and locked her arms around my neck. My hands gripped her hips in response.
My body burnt as we kept kissing. She was driving me crazy.
"God, Ava," she groaned softly which ignited a fire within me. "You're amazing."
"Mm," I hummed in acknowledgement as my hands trailed to her thighs, giving them a squeeze.
The kiss was slow and intense. It was emotional and personal. I could sense that she was as eager as I was but we kept our pace, taking our time and enjoying the feel of the other against our own until we finally broke apart.
"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for that," I panted, my arms encircling her waist to pull her closer into me.
She giggled and gave me a kiss on the forehead. She still had her arms around my neck as she brought my head to her chest and rested hers on top of mine. I could feel her heart beat going a mile a minute. "I have some idea."
She pulled away to look at me.
"What?" I questioned, laughing.
"Earlier I told you I feel like I haven't actually seen you in a while. What I meant to say was that you are absolutely breathtaking and beautiful and awe-inspiring and I can't believe I'm lucky enough to be here with you."
I let out a huge grin at her confession.
"I feel the same way about you," I whispered before pulling her back into another kiss.
As we kissed, the only space that existed was us in my car. The movie playing, the other people, everything outside, it was all distant. It was all in the background. The only thing that mattered then was Emma and I in that moment and with every brush of our lips, we were creating something beautiful.
Together.
(More fics!)
~*~*~
Bonus scene!
“Zo!” I felt my girlfriend nudge me.
“Yeah, babe?” My eyes that were trained on the screen averted to look at her.
“Is that Ava over there?”
“The girl we met earlier?” I squinted in the direction she was pointing at. Despite it being dark, I could still recognise the face and figure shifting in the car parked a few spaces away from ours. “Oh! It is!”
“And she’s with Emma?”
We watched as they leaned in towards each other. After a short while, Ava grabbed the back of Emma’s neck and their lips connected!
“And now they’re kissing?”
I laughed and said, “She wasted no time with that. I’m proud of her.”
“They’re so cute,” Bea said with a smile, looking back to me.
“They are,” I agreed. “But so are we!”
She giggle and nodded. “Of course we are.”
I gave her a peck on the cheek before resting my head on her shoulder and enjoying the rest of the movie.
#ava lawrence#ava x mc#ava mtfl#mtfl#my two first loves#mtfl choices#zoey wade#zoey x mc#zoey qb#choices#choices: stories you play#pb#pixelberry#playchoices#mtfl fanfiction#choices fanfiction#thanks for reading!#side note#if you know where the gif is from#i consider us friends
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Come home to me...Darling
Jimin x Female Reader (+ Jungkook & Mystery Member)
Ao3 Link
Part 2 of 2 (Part 1)
Genre: Cheating!AU, angst, smut (masturbation and fingering, both female), fluff
Warnings: Masturbation, Fingering, Infidelity, Cursing, Sad, Low self esteem, Mentions of a panic attack, Jimin’s a jerk :(
Word Count: 29,555
Summary: Jimin cheats and you try to make him stay. But whatever you do, it’s never enough.
Tag: @some-random-stranger-007
A/N: it is finally out now I can go yeet myself into the lake of fire never to return. Can you believe i almost lost this? ahahahaha the level of clownery. Anyway I hate it, so let me know what you think of it. Thank you to @meuurtrierr it wouldn’t be possible without her. Edited but I know I missed some shit, also I skimped on the warnings cuz i dont remember what else skskssk do let me know babes mwah Enjoy!
Mondays are the worst.
It’s not enough that you needed to skim through the employee evaluation files in the next 2 hours, but a grueling headache had somehow found a way to attach itself into your brain. Even blinking was painful. You weren’t able to do anything but stare at your desk with little to no energy present in your build. There was a dull lull in the room, and you felt suffocated in your stuffy office. When one of the open file’s papers flutters in front of you is when you manage to snap out of dreamland. Peeking at the desk right outside your office, you let out a sigh of relief at finding the space empty. Finally, you could get up and do something about this headache as well as pour some caffeine into your body.
Usually Yura would gleefully grab it for you, but you felt awkward around her since that day and hadn’t asked anything of her since. It was a bit silly, you don’t know why you were avoiding her exactly. Most likely it was due to not trying out her therapist suggestion yet. But it wasn’t like she was forcing you and it also wasn’t that you didn’t want to go…you were just unsure. You were scared. An unfamiliar person, poking and prodding at you – at your life. Finding and pulling out all the faults in you like weed. Judging you. Your habit of overthinking had already made you fit irrational scenarios inside your head of your ‘sessions’ and how awful they would end up being.
This irrationality also embarrassed you and led you into avoiding Yura.
In a nimble pace, you quickly make your way into the center office filled with cubicles. From there you speedily step your way into the breakroom. Thankfully, it was also empty. It wasn’t like coming here wasn’t unusual for you – you had been in here before you were promoted, albeit just a bit. You weren’t the most extroverted person, and people seemed to always be creating some forms of conversation in here. Which scared you into staying in your cubicle until certain timestamps where you found it vacant. Sighing, you walk to the coffee maker in the corner of the room to find it barren, and you heave a groan as you gather your ingredients for coffee. You didn’t want to stay here in case of running into someone, but life was making everything harder for you as usual. Watching as the coffee hits the pot in the coffee maker, you think back to last night.
Jimin never made it back home throughout that whole day. That had become a usual occurrence, but it really hit you hard this time because you were aching to sort things out after the clash you both faced. There was a restless ache in your stomach, which you’re sure was the cause in you turning sick today. Last night you had caught the exact moment Jimin figured out that you knew about him and her, his aura completely morphing into something between docile and tense. After he left, you couldn’t sleep for hours, tossing and turning and just waiting for him to come home. The scene kept replaying in your mind and you kept analyzing certain aspects, wishing you had said something better or acted in a compromising manner rather than driving him away. But then he never showed up and you were too afraid to call him back to you. If you went to voicemail yet again, you felt you would go insane.
Though you pondered where he was with exhausted efforts, a dreadful thought told you that you already knew, you just didn’t want to accept it. You hoped it wasn’t true. That he wouldn’t be with Tina – not after last night. Maybe…he was crashing at Jin’s place? …Wait, why didn’t you think of him sooner? Jin, his best friend since he moved to the city, would know where he is! Friends are considered confidantes, aren’t they? It wouldn’t hurt to inquire s few things from Jin, he was always a sweet man. But you didn’t want to force Jimin back to you or anything of the sort, you just wanted to know if he was ok. Hopefully he’ll realize how much you need him, hopefully he’ll come back home to you on his own accord. You were going to give him some time to think, then he’ll surely be back by that day, right?
Hopefully.
As you pour the coffee into your mug, the door creeks open and a citrusy cologne fills the air which pulls you out of your thoughts as you stiffen. Great. Carefully, you turn to see the culprit to be a tall man yawning loudly and stretching his arms while walking towards you. It alarms you that he’s moving straight at you without even realizing, but you don’t make an effort to move. Which ends up with him crashing into you slightly-
“Oh, whoa,” He says as his eyes fly open and he holds onto the small of your back with his warm hand, “Sorry about that, didn’t notice anyone was here!”
No kidding.
Now that he wasn’t scrunching up his expression, you could properly take in his appearance. He had such a soft and youthful face, big doe eyes that seemed to be lit with stars. Everything about him was so round, his nose, his cheeks, his small mouth. Jet black hair covered his forehead and compared to his boyish features, the muscles protruding from his white button up were anything but soft. You felt bad for his shirt, which was straining to hold itself together. There was a small scar on his left cheek, yet another mark amplifying his young features. He seemed to be observing you as well, his eyes a tad bit larger and his hand still on your back.
You clear your throat and straighten your back, looking away from him to the floor.
Breaking out of his daze he retracts his hand immediately, “Oh, sorry!”
That’s when he notices the mug in your hand, then turning to the coffee maker he beams,
“Hey, did you make a fresh brew? That’s awesome, Thanks!”
“It’s no problem.” You say in a small voice
At the moment you desired no conversation with anyone. It felt as if once the tiniest amount of sympathy is thrown in your direction, you become a puddle of pudding into the persons hand. Instead, what you really wanted to do was to stop feeling so weak. Stop relying on them to hold you together, because people leave. Jimin left. Left you to melt into the ground without looking back.
Right now, you just wanted to be left alone.
But the boy in front of you did not seem to be good at detecting facial cues.
“Umm…do you work here?” He asks you, and you give him a confused look, “I-I mean, I’ve never seen you around…but it must be because I just started here last week, I’m a new recruit.”
Yura mentioned something about that, but you never actually got a chance to look through the profiles since the Jimin fiasco.
“Is that it?” He asks again, “Are you a new recruit as well?”
“Um...” You wondered how to properly tell the boy that you were his boss. The reason he hasn’t seen you before is because you rarely come out of your office. Unless there’s a big meeting.
“Then you must’ve started today, huh?” He says, a smile on his face displaying his teeth…his bunny teeth. Adorable. “We’re in the same boat then! If you ever need anything, just let me know!”
The expression on him was so pleased, you didn’t have the heart to decline. Didn’t have the heart to walk away or disregard him. So, you just stood there as he introduced himself.
“My name’s Jungkook by the way.”
“_-___.” You respond shyly
“___,” He repeats to himself, scratching the back of his head, “That’s a beautiful name.” He gives you a look that has you blushing as you mumble out a ‘thank you.’
It was so natural then.
You don’t know how it happened, but you were suddenly thrown into a conversation with your company’s most enthusiastic employee, Jeon Jungkook. At first, you were worried a bit by how young he looks, yet it turned out he was only two years younger than you – and he refused to believe you were older, the brat. He stood there explaining how things work around the office, telling you tall tales about some of the ‘haunted’ conference rooms and scary coworkers to which you were enthralled by, despite being here way longer than him. You found yourself giggling every time he exaggerated a story with his words or eyes.
“So ___, how do you like it here so far?”
“It’s nice,” You respond vaguely, taking another sip of your coffee, “How about you?”
“They really work you to the bone! But I like it, they’re fair with the salary and the donuts here are always so good.” Jungkook beams widely while reaching over to grab one of the chocolate glazed donuts off from the small white box next to the coffee maker.
“Heard the CEO’s batshit though” He says with a mouthful
At that you let out a snort – almost spilling some of your coffee from your mouth, which leads you into covering it with your hand and coughing. It was true, she was a little strange.
“Oops.” Jungkook responds with a mischievous glint in his eye. In return you squint your eyes at him in mock anger as you let out your last cough. He reaches over again and grabs another donut from the box. You wish he would stop doing that, his arm radiated a lot of heat and you were going crazy trying to ignore his scent. Pulling out a second donut, this one with pink frosting and dark red glaze decorated in a zig-zag pattern, he hands it out to you.
“Here,” He says with his bunny teeth displayed.
You give it a long stare before taking it, “Thank you.”
“It’s a peace offering.”
“I see.” You eye the sugary dough and the colorful star sprinkles sticking into the frosting, “Interesting choice.”
“It’s cause that one was pretty.” He pouts
“You gave me a donut because you found it pretty?” You raise an eyebrow at him
Scoffing at your tone, he leans into the countertop and fold his arms, displaying his biceps up in your face. Damn those arms. “And what about it.”
“Nothing,” you giggle, “Just that normal people would give pretty flowers or pretty letters and not…fried dough.”
Jungkook turns silent at that, turning his face toward the ceiling as if in thought. He was making an odd expression, one with his eyebrows drawn in and lips pulled straight, you wondered if this was normally how his face was while thinking. It was kind of funny. But also, very cute.
“You’re right.” He suddenly says
“Hmm?”
“I should get you flowers.”
“…And where would you find flowers in an industrial urban structure?”
To this he removes himself off the counter and turns to you, his height and muscles intimidated you a bit. He was definitely taller than Jimin. “Is that a challenge?”
“Maybe it is.” You say in a low voice, maintaining direct eye contact
“Alright then ___, we may be new here (you internally cringe as he says this) but I bet you I can find you some pretty flowers lurking about in this stale glass cube of a building.”
You laugh at how serious he got – the fiery glint in his eyes, and raise out a hand, “And I bet you won’t!”
Being here three years had taught you quite a lot about this location. The lower floors contained a computer enterprise, and the upper floors remained a basic accounting firm. Grass surrounding the building was patchy and dry thanks to the summer heat. Also, your CEO had a strict pollen allergy, so keeping things like vases to fill with freshly cut daisies in or around the residence was impossible. There was no way he would was going to find any flowers here. It was a bit sad how much you knew about this place, being the only other dwelling you hung out in other than your home. But on the bright side, you were totally gonna win this bet.
“What do I get if I win?” You question as he shakes your hand. Heat immediately shoots down your spine at his touch and you block yourself from shivering by clenching your teeth…he had a very firm grip.
“I’ll be your servant for a week.” He pipes making you raise your brows as you shape your mouth into an ‘o.’ “And what If I win?”
“Hmm…” You hadn’t thought of that because you didn’t think there was any way he could.
“How about if I win, I get your number?”
…
Huh?
Tilting your head, you scrunch your brows. “…Why would you want my number?”
That confused you.
He gave you a wide eye stare. Did you really just say that? Perhaps you were playing hard to get? Yes…that must be it. No need to feel embarrassed. She didn’t reject you he thinks abashed. While you on the other hand were clueless to his fretful appearance.
“…Um.” Jungkook clears his throat looking down at his shoes. Wait…were Timblands allowed in the uniform? “Just cause.” He mumbles
You dwell on it for a second. You’ve never gave your number to a guy before. It can’t hurt, right? Besides he wasn’t going to win anyway.
“Well, alright.”
He grins at your approval, and you giggle in return. Was he the cutest man, or what?
“You know…you’re very pretty when you laugh.” He says abruptly and that makes you completely drop your mouth. His face flushes and that’s when you notice he still had your hand in his. The sudden awareness makes you pull it back at lightning speed. You try to speak again, but somehow the sound was knocked out of you and the room feels very, very, very, very warm for some reason.
“I- I should prob-” You point over your shoulder, slowly backing away from the doe-eyed man. “I have work.”
“A-alright…” He scratches the back of his head again. A habit you suppose. “See you around.”
“Yes.” Was the last thing you said before practically sprinting out of the breakroom.
You don’t know how long you spent chatting with Jungkook, but you came back to your office on sore legs. Sitting down on the revolving chair, you spin around a bit feeling bizarrely giddy inside, headache completely forgotten and newly revitalized. As you remember his red cheeks you pull up your arms in front of you. Chills…you had chills. What. Was. That.
Even though your legs hurt from standing, you don’t regret it one bit.
That was…strange. Never had you been one for conversations, especially not with the other sex. Your husband didn’t seem to like it when you were chatting with another man, so you never tried to. Yet Jungkook…why did you enjoy being around him so much?
It felt like you were back in high school, talking with the class president you had a huge crush on. Or like the guy from 5th grade who gave you a band aid. And even when you first met Jimin. You’re not sure, but you do know this is the first time in years where you became so smitten with someone so quickly. Jungkook was like a breath of fresh air, you really liked him.
Wait, what?
As soon as you process the weight of your thoughts, you immediately sit up in your chair. No, you couldn’t just have thought of such, right?
You…you were a married woman! Holding up your hand, you stare at your wedding ring while guilt crawls up your spine. This wasn’t right, you shouldn’t be doing this your conscious spoke. Not when your married life was in shambles. Is this who you were? Though, when you really think about it, it wasn’t like you did anything, you were just talking. So why did you feel so bad? Bringing your hand to your chest, you hold onto your ring finger with your other hand and close your eyes. Jimin appears before you, a light smile on his handsome face.
Your heart clenches.
“-ght.”
Just then, you register someone’s voice outside your office, breaking you from your daze. You stiffen, recognizing the soft laughter of your beloved secretary. She must have returned from her lunch break.
These days you had begun to pay Yura special attention.
It was due to her confession, knowing that she dealt with so much but still managed to be happy – genuinely happy – made you feel…curious. You wanted to understand how she did it, how she managed to deal with life in a better way. And then maybe, just maybe, you could do it too.
Yes, that should be a rational clarification of why you were creeping up to the entrance like a stalker. Calmly stepping up to the see-through door, you hide behind the solid wall to the right of it, peeping your head out to spot Yura. You honestly don’t know what you were wanting to accomplish, but you had been getting yourself involved in a lot of strange situations recently, so it was better not to question it.
She had her back facing you, thankfully, or this would have been even more embarrassing. You stretch your neck out as much as you could, feet planted firmly on the hidden side of the wall. Watching as she stood beyond her desk casually, her phone to her ear while she conversed gently with someone on the other line.
“I’ll pick up some Chinese tonight- no not that one I hate it!” She laughed. “Seriously babe we’ve had that four nights in a row now…okay, okay we had tempura for a whole month because of me I know that!”
It was easy to tell she was talking to her boyfriend. It was just general, everyday stuff but you couldn’t help but feel envious. Yura sounded so content, her boyfriend sounded like he loved her. That was all you’ve ever wanted. How come you’ve never had that?
A grimace falls upon your face. Just what were you doing trying to spy on your secretary? When did you become so pathetic? There was no secret, and if there was, she has told you of it already. The truth was, you were stubborn, unwilling to change from the old ways as if your conservatism has ever been of any help to you. With a silent sigh, you were about to walk back to your desk when you heard him tell her ‘I love you.’
In return she giggled, “I know~ See you tonight!”
You stood there stagnant for a bit. After a moment, you smiled, although there was no sign of joy on your face. Really…you were really pathetic.
Once you were at your desk, you eye your bag on the side of your chair’s leg before you pick it up, digging through it until you find what you were searching for. The piece of paper with the number was still in the same state as when she first gave it to you. Albeit crumpled. wouldn’t it have been hard for her to gather up the courage to say something you, her boss, could wrongly take offense over? Which you almost did. You respect her courage, her dedication and determination. When she first joined, you thought she was like you.
You were wrong.
She was stronger than you had ever been.
And instead of dwelling in that bitter pool of jealously you’ve drowned in with so many other women, you respected her. You wanted to learn from her and Irene and any woman in your life that had fought their battles with determination. It was like you said before, you had been getting yourself into strange circumstances lately, so why not this too? Who was here to stop you? Who was here to feel pity for you?
All you wanted was to be happy once again. Just once more.
You owed it to yourself
Tick…tock…tick…tock…
You sat at the edge of your red seat with your palms holding onto your knees. Uneasiness found a way to penetrate your bones and you sensed a thin layer of perspiration on your hairline as you watch the clock ticking down until your dreaded deadline.
There was a lady situated underneath the clock, an elder woman by maybe a decade. She had soft wrinkles around her eyes and forehead, a bun high on top her head and bright red lipstick on her thin lips. Clacking away at her key board, she would occasionally furrow her brows in concentration at something she was looking at on her computer screen or smile at you if you made eye contact. Didn’t do much to ease your nerves but it still felt nice. The lady reminded you of yourself, and you speculate if this is how people saw you when you were at work.
It had been a couple of days until you managed to call an appointment for a therapy session. The isolation ate away at you after Jimin had been missing for the third day. You desperately wanted to talk to someone about your problems, but Irene was out of town, your husband absent, and you were too shy to seek out Yoongi. Instead of pushing your complications onto others, you thought it was finally time to call in some professional effort. The lady on the phone had been really nice and you were able to set an appointment up fairly quickly. Now you were just sitting here, in the monotone lounge area waiting for the therapist to arrive.
There was quite a bit of research you did beforehand. Turns out, different therapists professionalize different problems. Cognitive therapist help deal with bad thoughts and unclutter daily habits. Family-oriented systems therapist dealt with family related issues. Personal issues are dealt by people who are experts in narrative, behavioral, or solution-oriented therapies. And psychodynamic therapists, like the one you were visiting, dealt with unconscious motivation.
Actually, many therapists deal with many different fields at once, some work in relationship therapy both romantic and platonic while others work only on you – if you choose to keep the people in your life out of your segments. Because of that, it was up to the person seeking out therapy to decide what’s right for them. For instance, if you are someone who always felt closer and comfortable with your dad, then maybe it’s best that you seek out a male therapist. You also had to be meticulous about their personalities.
During your search, you found a person who said their therapist always read their email during sessions on a blog forum. One even said their therapist ate rounds of cheese during theirs! It was extremely uncomfortable to read that. But now you knew there were many things to make sure of, therefore being prepared. Gender, expertise, field of education, professionalism, reviews, trust and even the vibe you get from certain therapists are all important factors in choosing a therapist.
Researching yours, you found her specialty was in female psychology. Including relationships and intimacy. All reviews on her were positive and you were so glad to read through them. After rounds of self-motivation and days of procrastination, here you were.
It’s quite humorous actually, a month ago you never thought you’d be doing anything like this.
You just weren’t ever capable, especially not with your level of anxiety. What could it be about the past few weeks that you’ve grown so courageous? Was it the meeting with the stranger on the roof, the discovery of a friend, or empathizing with someone you worked with? But what if it wasn’t a person? Perhaps it was the city’s rapid heart at 3 AM, the wild club and heavy beats or the mundane office life encouraging you to take a step forward. Maybe it the tragedy behind that rainy day you hate to recall and hitting rock bottom with such force. Opening the pandora box? As you struggle to find answers within yourself, you realize Jimin wasn’t the only one confused with your behavior.
You don’t get to dwell on the past for too long as a door clicks open and lets a slight breeze pull you from your thoughts. A slender young lady holding a clipboard appears; short brown hair, black kitten heels and thin rimmed glasses sitting on her nose. She looks in your direction and smiles, gesturing for you to come her way.
You get up nervously, wiping your sweaty palms on your pencil skirt. Straightening yourself out, you make your way towards her.
“Hi, you must be ___, correct? I’m Dr. Lin.” She raises her hand and you immediately grab it. Her voice was gentle and steady, you felt actually welcomed.
“Yes, nice to meet you, Doctor.”
“You too.” She smiles, “And please, call me Lin. This way please.”
She leads you in with her arm on your back, making you effortlessly walk into the sanctuary of her office.
Once you were inside the room, you gape at her place in awe. It was wide open, there was no way you’d feel suffocated in here as you originally thought. There were large windows, displaying the greenery located at the back of the building. She had two huge shelves filled with colorful books on both ends of her office. In front of the windows rested a large shaggy carpet with a glass coffee table on top. Behind the table were two grey sofa chairs that complimented the fuzzy blue carpeting. And a small desk on the right side next to an office chair where she probably did most of her work. As you hear the door shut behind you, you turn around to catch her eye and she smiles at you.
“Right this way.” She says, walking past you which leads you into following her. When she reaches a chair, she pauses, waiting for you to take a seat first.
So, you do.
“Well.” She starts, grabbing the pen off her clipboard, “How are you today ___?”
“I-I’m alright.”
Lin raises the corner of her lips “Just alright?”
“Yes…I.” You don’t know what to say. Were you already doing something wrong?
“That’s good,” Lin smiles as she clicks her pen open and jots something down onto her clipboard. “That’s a beautiful ring by the way.”
“O-oh thank you.” You cover your finger with your hand as Lin slightly squints at your action, still writing something.
“So,” She takes a deep breath and put down her pen, “What brings you here today?” Looking back up at you, she beams.
“Um…I needed someone to talk to…”
“Do you not have someone in your life to talk to? Or is it that you don’t feel comfortable confiding in them?”
“Kind of both…I…don’t want to trouble anyone.”
“I see.” She writes something else down
“Now tell me ___...why’re you really here?”
Out of nervousness, you kept messing with your ring and you knew she could tell. So, to distract your hands you needed something else to clutch onto. There was a tall glass of water on the coffee table in front of you. Your doctor notices your staring right away to which she points, “Please, go ahead.”
At her approval you pick up the glass and bring it your lips. After drinking just a bit, you decide to hold it down on your lap. For a second, you just stare as the water softly vibrates inside the clear glass while Lin waits for you to speak up. Is there a right way to tell her? You struggle internally at voicing your problems.
“I-I’ve been married six years…and it’s…I’ve had a hard time.”
“Six years is quite long…most married couples have problems by then.” Lin says, “It’s normal. Going through difficulties ranging from various reasons either with money or fidelity – having ups and downs.”
You take a deep breath trying to keep your heartbeat steady. “I barely remember having an up…”
She stares at you, and you don’t look at her. Instead you stare at the small burgundy table on the side of your sofa. It separated your chair with hers.
“…Can you tell me a bit about your husband, ___? Why don’t start by telling me the last up you do remember?”
At that, you finally look up at her. Was there an up you remember? For a large portion of your life, you had thought that every single moment with Jimin was an up. But when it came down to it, that wasn’t the truth. Jimin spent tremendous amounts of time breaking his promises to you. You actually remember the last promise he kept…how innocent the display of your relationship was back then…
The morning was pure white.
Or at least it felt like so in your cramped dorm room where you spent another day lying next to the only other body you desired. The craving was an ache on par with stories that are never finished or poems with no end. You wonder if this is how it would always be; you longing for him while being so close, as well as lingering on the edges of how long this would last, when he would get up and leave you. Then you can crave him for an eternity.
Oh, how you dreaded that day. You couldn’t imagine it, couldn’t fathom it, you couldn’t even conjure up the courage to acknowledge it. But it was inevitable, wasn’t it? Out of the thousands who want him, the millions who would do anything for him – what could have made you so special?
“What are you staring at?” He asks, softly turning his sleepy eyes to you.
His gaze raises your heartbeat, you feel a blush crawl up your bare spine. He’s been quieter these days, always seeming like he was in a deep stupor. A covered silence behind his beautiful mind. Everything was domestic and wholesome, your mind felt relaxed.
“I’m looking at my world…” You whisper, close to his ear as your lips brush against the outer lobe.
For a moment he just stares before he lets out a breathy laugh. “Cheesy.”
You smile, head molding into his shouldering with ease. Sex with him was always like a gentle wave, slowly covering your whole body in its warmth. His body was warmer than your comforter and his skin more alluring than any sight offered to your eyes.
“Says you.”
“Oh?” He quirks an eyebrow up making you nod
“Remember when you took me to the arcade and kept trying to win me that fat round stuffed whale for 2 hours?”
“Pfft, and I never even won that, did I?” He scrunches his nose in mock anger
“Exactly.” You giggle
“Hmm…but do you remember you stood there and encouraged me on the whole time. Didn’t complain once.”
Of course, you remember that day. The heels you wore were so prickly, your feet were sore for a week. Still you didn’t want to discourage Jimin, who was trying so hard for you. Or maybe he was just to immersed in the game, but it didn’t matter. None of that mattered but the fact that Jimin was with you.
“You didn’t complain when my car broke down in the snow on that abandoned road. Nor when I insisted to go see Candyman instead of whatever romcom movie you had in mind… I’ve always love that about you.”
I love that about you.
“How can I ever complain when you’re having fun…I’m not the complaining type of girl anyway.”
“You’re right, you aren’t like the other girls.” Jimin turns to face you completely, a soft grin on your face, “Maybe that’s why I like you too much.”
“R-really?” You flush as he laughs. It was always so easy for him, wasn’t it? “Cheesy.”
“But you love it.” Jimin bites his lower lip and well, you couldn’t deny that. He leans in just then, catching your fleeting eyes before he tenderly connects your lips. You couldn’t deny him then either. Your mouths move in a languid fashion, tongues tasting the deepest corners slowly.
He tasted of honey. That sweet, addictive pleasure.
After a few seconds you both part, Jimin hums with a lazy smirk. Your stares battle infinity before he looks at the clock. “Shit…I should run, my boss needs me to come in early today.”
“Oh, okay.” You say, masking your dejection when he gets up to put his shirt on. Jimin always hated his bosses. Actually, he seemed to have a problem with any figure who displayed authority over him.
“…Jimin…” You call out to him and he looks at you over his shoulder. “You’ll come back tonight, right?”
“…Right.” He says with a smile.
“Promise?” Your voice is so quiet it disappears with the sounds he makes as he shuffles to get up. So you just watch as he gets ready, the yearning in your heart and mind stirring again as you glare a hole into his muscular back. And suddenly he turns, with that same smile on his face. The one that has entrapped your heart many times before.
“I promise.”
And that was the last promise he actually fulfilled.
“That sounds so sweet.” Lin pulls you out from your thoughts and you take notice of the gentle smile gracing your features.
“It was.”
“How long ago was this?” she questions
“…”
“___?”
“Si-…seven years ago”
She frowns, furrowing her eyebrows “And how long have the two of you been married again?”
“Six years.”
“Then what have the last six years been like for you?” She asks softly
“He’s fucking another girl.” You calmly state as the room goes silent. The only thing you could hear were the morning birds outside the window and your sullen breaths. Thinking about the last six years made you upset…you couldn’t do anything to change that. Your grip on the glass becomes tighter, and you notice you’ve left prints again. So, you quickly begin wiping them. “He’s been…fucking other girls.”
…
“…I see…why don’t you start from the beginning.”
And in a moment, you’re spilling it all. Every single tortuous detail from your spousal life. Jimin’s promises, his lies. Every time he shut you down or off. Whenever he created distance. Jessica. Mina. Tina. All of last month, as if it was a story written in a word document. Every single pain you felt. You were crying by the end of it. Both from the searing lump in your throat and from the dreadful feeling of betraying your husband by not keeping your marriage’s confidentiality.
Why did you always feel so guilty?
You were sobbing into your palm as the doctor offers you a Kleenex. Wiping away at your tears, you take a glimpse at her expression. It had somewhat hardened in what you think is sympathy…but you couldn’t describe it well.
“Is there anyone you’ve spoken to about your husband’s infidelity other than Irene or Yoongi?”
“No.” You sniffle
“What about your mom?”
“I…I barely see her. Last time I t-talked to her was on the phone a year ago…on my birthday. And even if I d-did…I doubt I’d tell her.”
Lin takes a deep breath, “I see.” She commences to write something down once again on her clipboard. “Infidelity can be damaging in all sorts of way to an individual…especially to one’s self confidence.”
She looks at you “Do you feel that you have lost your sense of self-worth?”
“I wouldn’t know…I’m not sure I ever had any.”
This time, she takes off her glasses to hold in her fingers as she rests her knuckles under her jaw.
“While you’ve been here, I noticed you gave vague and short replies as if you didn’t want to talk in the first place when that’s exactly what you said you came to do. And you’re sitting at the edge of your seat.” She points at your hips and you immediately look down, “You’re trying to not leave a mark of your presence in the room, just like in the lobby…even the glass…you’ve marked off your prints around three times now?”
Were you really doing all of that? You felt embarrassed.
Her eyes immediately soften, and she speaks in a slower tone, “I just want you to tell me why you keep trying to make yourself as insignificant as possible. Why do you only become full of life at the mention of your husband?”
You wish you had an answer for her, but you don’t. Huh, how funny is it that this is the one time your perfectionism fails you. The one time you fail to provide an answer. Instead you opt to stare at the small table again. There were books on the table…one particular one stacked on top that caught your eye.
Her Body and Other Parties, the title read.
Lin notices where you were gazing off at.
“…___...can I ask you something private? You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.”
Well she knew so much already. How can yet another intimate fact hurt? So, you nod meekly.
“How is your sex life?”
“Huh?” You make eye contact immediately after processing what she just said
“Can you tell me the last time you made love with Jimin?”
“Uh…um… uh-we haven’t been, I mean I can’t…with him.”
“Why?”
“Because when I tried to…Tina appeared in my head and I just…”
“Alright.” She says, looking ahead as if in thought. “Then when was the last time you were able to?”
You try to think, “Around 3 months ago.”
“Before Tina then. And you’ve been sexually active occasionally before that, yes?”
“Yes.”
“How was it then? Did he make you feel good?”
“Yes…I think?”
She gives you a certain look, “You think? What do you mean by that?”
“I mean it’s Jimin…everything feels good with Jimin.”
“Were you able to reach an orgasm with Jimin?”
Silence puddles the room.
“No.” You whisper in the smallest voice
“…___, can you tell me how long it has been since your husband gave you an orgasm?”
There’s a strumming inside you and you feel your insides pound. She said you didn’t have to answer right?
“Since…Jessica.” You murmur her name so low you don’t think she heard it. But the way she clicks her pen on tells you otherwise.
“…Can you tell me how many years it has been?”
“…”
“If you don’t want to answer it, that’s all right. We can talk about something else.”
“5 years.”
“…I see…and before that?”
“Before that…I always came before Jimin. It was surreal to have him above me…inside me. I felt so…loved.”
Lin glances out a window for a few seconds, seemingly in thought. Then she brings her attention back onto you. “Has Jimin ever noticed?
You snort at that, to which she raises a brow. Clearing your throat, you speak again.
“No, he hasn’t noticed. I fake them.”
“So, you let him have sex with you, never once felt satisfied and didn’t complain?”
You look down at your glass once again, “I…I didn’t want him to not touch me.”
Lin nods, waiting for you to continue.
“I wanted him to love me…to only look at me. Not being able to cum…is all my fault anyway. Something…must be wrong with me.” You wipe the tears loitering your sockets with your crumpled Kleenex.
“No. This isn’t your fault.” Lin states before she sighs, rubbing at her neck. “I’ve heard that before in a lot of my female patients. Yet it still manages to amaze me.”
“___,” She addresses you with full attention, making you straighten your spine, “Recently, I have been reading books on female sexuality and happiness. One of them being this-” She picks up the book you were looking at “-‘Her Body and Other Parties’ by Carmen Maria Machado. And I have come to notice a pattern between a woman’s sensuality and her self-esteem.”
Lin pauses, putting the book back down and looking back at you to make sure you were keeping up with her, making you nod in return.
“If I may ask…have you, by chance, brought yourself to an orgasm in the past 5 years?”
“Huh?”
“Have you ever masturbated?”
“Umm…no…”
“Maybe once when you were a teen? College, perhaps?”
“No.”
Like she had an epiphany she writes down something yet again on her clipboard.
“Then that’s what I want you to do before our next session. Educate yourself on healthy masturbation.”
Your jaw drops open at her statement, a string of questions leaving your lips. What did she just say? There was no way you’d be capable of doing something like that! You almost died just thinking about-
“___, I know it seems crazy, but masturbation is directly linked to a women’s mental health. It helps you gain confidence, release stress, produces endorphins and strengthens your immune system. We will be able to find out a lot about you, such as if you are interested in the idea of sex or not, either which is fine. It can also tell us if Jimin’s infidelity has been causing you subconscious psychological damage.”
Your mouth shuts as she lists her reasons.
“You have spent your life, giving yourself away. To your mom, to Jimin, to your work. You spent your life trying to become someone they’d love, that you forgot about who you are. There’s barely any of the real you left inside.” She points at your chest, “I need you to find out what you want, the things you like. The pleasures YOU seek.”
“I want you to learn about yourself. Learn how to properly care for yourself…how to love yourself.”
As her words register in your brain, you think back to a couple days ago. About how you sat with Irene, outside that small café. Not understanding that you genuinely liked cooking, just thought you did it to make your mom or Jimin happy. And about how good it felt, how amazing it was to realize there was a part of your personality not molded from the people who took advantage of you. It was…liberating.
“O…okay, but how do I…I mean my sessions with Jimin were all soft…I’ve never done anything myself before.”
“It’s up to you really…why don’t you start out by using a toy? You’ve missed out for a long while, so yes. I think a toy would help you.” She smiles at you and you want to stuff your face into the couch.
Could today get any stranger?
Suddenly a timer beeps causing Lin to look back at her desk.
“Oh, that’s all the time we have for now ___,” She says standing up, and you rush to stand with her, placing the glass back on the table. “I hope you can successfully complete this task I’ve assigned you, and I’ll meet you the same time next week, alright?”
She extends her hand, and you take it immediately “Umm, yes definitely.”
With the pleasantries out the way, you carefully make your way towards the door. Once you place your palm on the door handle, Lin calls out to you once again,
“Oh, and no thinking about Jimin while completing my assignment! This is about you and only you after all.”
“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-”
“Irene, please stop laughing.” You groan into the receiver, pinching the bridge of your nose in embarrassment.
“Sorr-I just ahhahahah, no wait-” She wheezes over the other line. Taking a deep breath, she consoles herself. “Alright, so let me get this straight. I’m out of town for a week and you end up going to a therapist who tells you to jerk yourself off on the first session?”
“Ireeenneee,” You whine, “She’s a smart lady. She’s trying to help me.”
“Oh, she’s definitely trying to help you alright.” Irene snickers and you huff in frustration. Maybe you shouldn’t have called her to tell her about your Saturday night plans.
“Okay, okay, no more jokes. So, are you going to do it?”
“Yes…I mean I don’t know…I’m a bit nervous.”
“You haven’t came in 5 years. As a girl with a healthy libido, that would emotionally damage the hell out of me. Maybe the Doc’s onto something.” Irene states
“You think so?” This is what you wanted as usual. Reassurance.
“I don’t know to be honest…why don’t you try it out and tell me? You sure you bought the right item?”
You stare at the small unwrapped object in front of you. A bullet vibrator. All of that internet searching for a pink oval-shaped ball.
“I…think…” You gulp, becoming slightly intimidated
“Well I think you’re going to have an amazing night my princess.” Irene coos making you blush
“I-I-I am hanging up on you now!” You pout, flustered
“Wait, no I wa-”
With a huff you end the call, throwing your phone off to the side. Again, you were left doing nothing but staring at your toy. It just laid there, staring back at you. The atmosphere of your room felt oddly tense.
“Okay…be gentle.” You whisper to it. It doesn’t respond.
You pick it up carefully, taking off your robe and laying down against your mattress.
…Now what?
You were a grown woman; it was healthy to explore your sexuality. That’s what those internet articles and female magazines told you, all written in a perky tone to somehow connect with the modern working woman. Although you being you, you couldn’t help but point out their spelling mistakes.
That’s not the point, you huff, staring at your ceiling in frustration. What were you supposed to do right now? Your core was exposed to the air, the bullet vibrator stayed stiff in your left palm and you felt kind of ashamed in this position.
No thinking about Jimin, you recall Lin warning you. How were you supposed to do that? Who else would ever make you feel the way Jimin made you feel? Granted, he didn’t actually make you cum in the past few years, making love with him still felt good.
Or at least you think what you had with him felt good. At the times he made love with you, you desperately tried to convince yourself that it was different with you than with Jessica or Mina. That you were special to him and they were just side pieces. It…didn’t really work. Nevertheless, there wasn’t anyone who made you feel as bright as Jimin, no one you made you flustered and left you stuttering.
Well except maybe Irene and her smart mouth.
You giggle as you think of your friend. Before you begin to ponder on the subject a bit too long. Irene did have a pretty mouth. Her lips were always so cherry red and eyes foxy and seductive. It was always difficult to look at her straight in the face, but she made you sure you did no matter what. She was so assertive.
It was then, when you were dreaming about her intense ogling that your hips shifted slightly, your exposed core aching. H…How would Irene feel around your…your…
“Ah-” You moaned, your arm sliding down until your fingers made contact with your folds. Your eyes were closed so you could better picture her jet-black hair, the lax strands perfectly framing her small face. Your mouth was shaped as an O, as your fingers brushed through your folds, sliding them across the lax skin, before stretching them open, becoming wetter by the second.
“Nn-ahh.” You cry out softly as you rub around your clit. Your mind filling with a deep haze. This was so strange, you’ve never thought of women this way. But then again, you haven’t thought of anyone this way except for your husband.
“Nuh uh~” You hear the tender tone of a feminine voice echo, and you strain to look between your thighs to spot your smirking vixen of a best friend, “No thinking of him here.”
She coos before she tips her tongue out, her face dropping into your middle. Whimpering loudly, you arch your back off the bed as you feel her take you into her mouth, wet muscle playing around with your juices. She slid it up, down and across, pinch your nipple as she sucked on your nectar.
“oh my- I-Ire-” You hear her snicker, her laughter shooting straight through your spine. While still in a foggy daze, you squeeze the vibrator in your left palm, before pressing the small power button with your thumb. Your breathing was heavy, the device buzzing slightly in your hand as you brought it down.
For a moment you hesitated, the object’s frequency intimidating you. So, with a deep breath, you shut your lids, connecting the vibrator with your clit. Immediately a wave of pleasure washed over you, your eyes shot open as you groaned. It was as if Irene’s tongue was molded to the shape deep inside of you. Your body raised in temperature.
Although only connected to one part, you could feel the toy course throughout every limb. It left you shivering as you clutched the bedsheet beside your hips with your wet digits. You could feel your thighs, drenched in your sweetness, the air around them cooler, softer. Irene’s tongue increased in speed, sending your mind spiraling.
“O-OH mm-” You don’t know why you were trying to hold back your voice, but you couldn’t help it for some reason.
“Don’t hold back.” You suddenly hear, and you break out of your bewilderment to find another person on top of you. Shadowing over you was straight black hair, lusting doe eyes and soft rabbit features passionately regarding you. “I want to hear you.” He whispers as his large arms enclose around your head.
Why was he here?
Did you somehow want him to be here? You didn’t know. All you did know was that there was a knot forming inside of you, coiling around your insides with a viper like grip as you continued to fall into his stare. It felt so good, so euphoric. The pleasure was addicting.
You felt like you were going crazy, fingers slowly linking to your cunt once again. Rubbing circles as the device vibrated through your bundle of nerves. This wasn’t right, you shouldn’t be thinking about him. But the heat from his body made you feel lightheaded, whimpers escaping you like crazy. It was so wrong, but you felt so good in the moment.
“You’re so pretty like this.” Jungkook murmurs, moving away your hair sticking to your face. In a second Jungkook took the device away from you, winking at you. Confused, you tilted your head at him on the pillow before your eyes suddenly rolled into the back of your head.
He amped the vibration, placing the toy halfway inside of you. Your hips moved off the bed, fingers leaking wet with your nectar as you played with your clit. You wanted him inside of you so bad. It’s not that you wanted to conceive this very image, the sane you would never ever do something like this but fuck you don’t know what the fuck was wrong with you in that moment. And you didn’t care.
You imagine Jungkook drilling inside you, his fat dick ripping through your insides as the bed shook with every thrust. That was all it took to push you over the edge. And soon you were cumming, screaming out his name.
“J-Jungkook, yes! Oh God!”
A heavy wave of pleasure washes over you, stars obstructing your sight. Your mouth hung open as your pussy convulsed. Shuddering through the tremendous sensation, you fall back onto the mattress with a thump, and the toy helps you ride out your orgasm.
“Haah...haa...”
BzzzBzzz
The only noises that were left were of your excessive breathing and the strumming of the bullet vibrator. It felt like all your energy had suddenly left you, you forgot how powerful orgasms were until now. Soon finding it to be painful, you remove the toy from inside you, pressing the power button as you hold it up to your face. It was sticky wet, your juices smothered around the pink device like glaze.
Glazed donuts.
Blushing, you throw it to the side, still trying to process everything that just occurred. Wow. That was…Irene…and then Jungkook. You jump around, squealing into your pillow. What just happened?! Why did you imagine those two out of everyone? How will you ever face them again?
Even after everything was done, you couldn’t help the way your body felt so thrilled and satisfied. For some reason, you felt like you were floating on cloud 9. It felt so out of place, you hadn’t felt this way with Jimin ever. Not even on your best days. Who knew something so taboo could turn you on so much?
Fuck.
You turn so your back rested against the bed again, before slamming your hands onto your face. Were you going to have to explain all of this to your therapist? No way were you going to tell her who you jacked off to. As you were overthinking and worrying about your near future, you suddenly began to feel very drained and numb. You blinked lazily, the familiar weariness akin to sleep.
It took you by surprise, you hadn’t been able to fall asleep without sleeping pills for a long time now. As you bring your arms back down to look at the ceiling, you’re faced with your empty bedroom one again. Jimin had always been gentle with you, hadn’t he? It was another reason you loved him as much as you did. When you both made love, it felt like he could never hurt you.
Reality kicks in and a longing surrounds you. It was inevitable, you were bound to remember him again. You couldn’t help but wish your husband was here with you to share your happiness.
You wish he was here with you to see your growth, to be proud of you. You wish he was here with you and you couldn’t help but feel that yearning for him like you’ve always felt. You really wish he could love you. Looks like you hadn’t exactly passed this task, since you weren’t supposed to think about Jimin but you didn’t care. More than anything, you wanted him home.
Old habits don’t just die after one success.
So, as the thought of your vacant house infected you, before you could dwell on the topic further. Before you took another pill, feeding your insides with your own poison. Become a moping drone, a sickened shell once again, you shut your eyes. Blocked out the evil world before you and relaxed every muscle, every scar in your brain. It was the only thing you could think of doing. Thankfully your spent energy agrees with you.
Before Jimin could take over you once more, without ever lifting a muscle.
You fell asleep, letting yourself feel drained and dreaming of the wedding and the bright shore.
It was inevitable.
Your eyes flutter open to a soft white room. The sunlight was peeking through the curtains, lighting up the canvas across your orbs. You wriggle your toes about, slowly seeping into full conscious.
Once you can make out the ceiling above you, you stretch your muscles before sitting up.
“Ji-”
Turning on your side, you place your palm down on the cotton sheets beside you. A palm you meant to place on a body that was meant to be on the bed. Beside you.
“Right.” You whisper, staring at the cold spring empty of life and bringing your hand back to your lap.
No one’s there.
Sighing, you swing your legs off the bed and onto the floor – the fluffy carpet molding into your feet. You push yourself up, the action causing the sheets to slither off your naked body and expose your nipples to the chill atmosphere. Again, you stretch your tendons, raising your arms above your head and lifting the bottom soles of your feet off the ground. Your back curves and your eyes clenched shut. It’s been a while since you had fell asleep without pills.
Blinking lazily at nothing in particular, you sluggishly turn your body to the direction of the bathroom. You begin to saunter across your room, reveling in the peaceful silence of a sunny Sunday. As you’re a few steps from the door, your gaze catches onto the full-length body mirror set just aside.
It makes you halt in your tracks. A moment passes by before you step closer to your reflection in fascination.
Have you always looked like this?
Is this the way your hair falls over you face? You think as you run your fingers through your soft locks – bringing forward a single strand to the front of your face to focus in on. Slowly your gaze falls back to the mirror and you tilt your head. Sliding your digits onto your face, the tips of your pointer and middle fingers caressing the peak of your nose, gradually underneath your jaw and upon your neck.
Is this how your body was shaped?
You take it all in. Captivated by the glowing expanse of your silky skin, the gentle rhythm of your chest, and the highs of your curves you ran a palm over. Shuddering as a strangely new sensation waltzes within you. The sun’s rays wrap around you like gold, highlighting every mole and freckle settled into your casing. Scars and marks from forgotten memories finding shelter under the spotlight. Every secret exposed in the flare of the replication. It felt like you had just stepped out of a decaying cocoon – stitched together by the molding twined fabric of your uncertainties.
And the you who emerged shone.
There were sparks of glitter all around you. Tiny angels spinning threads of new-found purity onto the secret corners of your soul.
A once caged bird, with virginal wings as large as her innocent heart. Who wears her crown fragile; while her refined mind heals from the battles with the toxicity in amour. Her beauty is an ode to the agile cosmic, lucky enough to hold her able within its seams. Your dimensions were your unique, the line between pleasure and hurt fitted across your stomach.
It was beautifully raw outside that rotten cocoon. You spread your arms out, relishing in the way your body weaves between space and time as your insides melt perfectly into the shape of your skin. Every bone, every ounce of lush, the fruits of your divine frame. The mountains and hills spread amongst your flesh – the caves and burrows layered one on top of the other. It was all beautiful. Raw, real and radiant. Like a pallet with too many colors splattered amongst the wood, splashes from aches and pain and memories and gain.
Your pallet.
As the pearls of your pupils rake through your figure, they suddenly land on your unclothed core. You let out a shaky exhale, eyes glossing and lashes fluttering. Carefully you guide your hand to your lower region until your fingers make contact with your wet folds. A shiver runs through you, goosebumps poking through your soft pores. Awakening the images of last night; of the whimpers and aches. Of the satisfaction and the explosion of your confined stellar.
This was you. Your perfect frame, your flawless physique, your structured identity.
Was it the early morning air? The first good sleep in years? Or the sensual night before?
…Did it matter?
A smile graces your lips as you wrap your arms around yourself. The slick from your nether regions painted amongst your fingers staining the upper part of your left arm.
You were just happy to be awake.
_
“They’re pretty, right?”
He holds up the peonies clutched in his hand at you, tilting his head so you could see him just behind the stunning flowers. He was everything for you; your energy, your medicine, your happiness. You wanted to melt.
“Yes.” You reply, trying to sound happy; less depressed.
He frowns and it goes straight to your heart, “Sorry”
“For?” He asks, throwing the plant on the couch. Not making eye contact.
Suddenly you wanted to cry. You’re too sensitive to all of his emotions and he knows it. Uses it to his pleasure. It was amazing – how some words had so much power over you.
For being sad. For not living up to your expectations.
“I love them Jimin.” You smile, placing your hands on each side of his face and turning him to you. “I love you.”
And he’s happy. The sun is back on his face.
On the other hand, you feel like the unlit side of the moon. Especially when Jimin engulfs you in a smothering hug.
“That’s what I wanted to hear.”
From me or Jessica? You think. It had only been a week since the dire revelation and your insides were crumbling. He had sex with you time and time again, but you felt nothing. Something was wrong with you, but you didn’t want to tell him.
You wanted him to be happy. Even if you hated yourself.
As you fit into his arms, you stare at your reflection in the mirror on the back wall. How ugly…how unworthy. No wonder he cheated on you. No wonder he found someone better.
He loves you too, he says.
But you couldn’t help hate yourself.
Ok. What the hell was a T-front string?
You squint your eyes at the screen, rereading Irene’s text for the tenth time.
Your heels were clacking the floor below you, as you speed walked through the mall with a small giftbag in hand. A while after your little intimate moment with yourself, you had called up your friend to speak to her about the rejuvenation you experienced in excitement. She was very happy for you, giggling through the receiver like a child. It made you smile.
Although, no matter how much she pestered you, you refused to spill the beans about who you ended up jerking off about. Irene was persistent, naming off every actor and model she knew. And you on the other hand had no idea who half of them were. Thankfully, she couldn’t get you to spill the beans. You dreaded her reaction if she ever did find out.
After warding off her interrogation and chatting about something mundane, she had suggested for you to go to the mall so she can help you find some useful ‘items’ for women since you had nothing else planned. Your interest was piqued, thinking it might be items such as the world’s most comfortable bra or scrunchies that never go missing. Yet as you parked your car in the lot, and tentatively made your way inside – you had given up all hope for your superpowered hair ties.
None of the items Irene had been texting you made any sense.
‘Double D Balls Dildo. Make sure the balls are squishy!’
‘Shower Sex Foothold. Very useful for shaving your legs. Other things as well I guess.’
???
In an array of confusion, you had gone up to a random employee to ask him what exactly Doc Johnson’s “The Fist” was. The paling look he gave you in return has you traumatized for life. Never again would you ask anyone to explain anything Irene tells you.
As she continued to text you severe objects to buy, you just shook your head while buying a little something of your own. Letting her think you were following what she said of course. You could just imagine the look on her face, the tiny snicker as she continues to lightheartedly play around with your innocence. There was a small jewelry shop you loved in this mall, one Jimin would bring you to after he got a promotion or when it was your birthday.
You bought a small bracelet for Irene from said shop; to thank her for her friendship and for listening to you mope about Jimin. Satisfied with your purchase, and only this purchase – you decided to head out of the place. Your legs were practically running out of the mall, trying to get back home. It’s actually been like this for the past few days.
Since he disappeared.
Every time you stepped out of your apartment, even for a few minutes, you would rush back at twice the speed. It was as if…you were hoping that once you step inside. Once you’re in the sanctuary of your house, he’d be there too. He’d turn around and you could run into his warm arms again. And he’d promise you – genuinely promise – he’ll never leave again. Ever. It was a fairytale reunion made for a dreamy girl. Ridiculous, but you still wished it to be true.
For some reason, you were especially eager to get home today. Even more than usual. When you made it to the first floor and could see the doors you came in from, your phone abruptly buzzed again. Huffing, you open the device, trying to see what nonsense Irene sent you this time.
You were too busy checking your phone to see where you were going. Your legs were rushing a bit too much to notice the other pairs of legs walking in your direction.
“Whoa-”
“Oww-”
That’s when you ended up bumping into another body with a small thud. The phone in your hand crashing onto the ground, sliding away from your peripheral vision on the floor. Both of you wobbled around a bit but grabbed onto the others arms to seek balance. Once you stood sturdy, you immediately searched around for your missing phone with your head turning about in a frenzy. It didn’t take you long to spot it as it didn’t travel too far, ending up right next to the girl’s leg. In relief you sigh, bending down to pick it up to brush the specks of dust and surveille the damage. The girl on your arm doesn’t move an inch, like she was frozen in place.
After you’ve made sure it’s not broken and everything was working properly, you smiled. Looking up at the girl to apologize.
“Oh, I’m sorr-”
A gasp escapes your throat.
Your eyes instantly widen – in an eerily painful way as your jaw fails you. Your insides plummet with a chaotic mix of anger, confusion, and dread swirling through you – thundering up a storm that has you stagnant. The atmosphere takes a sudden drop in temperature and a chill runs down your spine at the cold air. Subconsciously, you take a step back. Away from the sight before you.
“H-hey ___, long time no see.”
In return, the girl stands there in as much discomfort and anxiousness as you. Shifting on her feet, she sends you an awkward smile. A smile you were used to seeing daily at one point in your life. A smile you grew to reluctantly dislike over the years. Your muscles start to constrict.
“Mina.” A whisper leaks from your lips.
Clink, clank.
You listen in to the busy atmosphere surrounding you while sitting still in your wooden seat. Waitresses passing by, the small chatter, the clinging and clanging of cups and forks. It was all more interesting to you than the predicament at hand right now. There was nothing to really focus in on, except the table in front of you and its stiff glass casing. Which you were eyeing with lasers shooting out of your orbs.
The tension in the air was thick.
And the girl sitting opposite to you was looking at you a bit too anxiously, failing to be subtle with her regard. You could tell she was playing with her fingers underneath the table, a habit you had noticed many times before. Almost four years ago.
“H..how have you been?” She starts, making you look up at her.
As soon as you acknowledge her, her face drops. Like she was afraid of your judgement. She clears her throat.
“I-it’s nice to see you again…” She strains, “After all these years…you look great.”
There’s an awkward silence that goes by as you’re slow to register her words. It was as if your brain doesn’t want to recognize the situation you’re in – trying to run away from you rather than recall any more past memories.
“It’s been quite long.” You manage to make out, “I’ve been well.”
Why did you lie to her? Were you that afraid of her finding out the truth?
“T-that’s good.” Mina replies a bit too fast.
…
Another awkward silence engulfs your vicinity as you both proceed to poke holes through the table.
“All right, here you are!” A shout wakes you both, making your shoulders jump. “One glass of water and one small coffee, one cream and two sugars.”
A lady places down your coffee cup in front of you, and you exhale at the balmy steam warming up your otherwise cold face.
“Anything else?” She chirps with a small tray in hand
“That’ll be all, thank you.” Mina responds to which the lady nods and leaves with a smile
Mina watches you as you stir your coffee mindlessly. You could tell there was a lot running through her mind like you.
She hasn’t changed much. Just a couple of alters you could spot. Like how her hair’s a bit longer now, reaching just above the conjecture between her neck and her shoulder and dyed a darker color. A few more piercings graced the left side of her ear now. There was also a small tattoo on her ring finger – some sort of symbol in a mix of purple and red. On the other hand, her style hadn’t changed at all. She still wore those oversized black hoodies and white sneakers. You hide a smile as her dark top almost drowns her.
Mina was as beautiful as you remember.
Suddenly, she huffs, picking up her water.
Gulp, gulp, gulp
You gape at her with wide eyes as she drinks the whole glass in one go. She sets it down with a clang, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Then her orbs connect with yours, as she continues to stareat you with an unreadable expression. For a second, you catch her regarding the gift bag by your side.
“___, I-” She starts off strong, faced focused and seeming like she knows what she’s going to say.
But as her linger remains, she loses her grip – mouth slacking and concentrated expression failing.
“I…”
“What is it?” You say in a low yet clear tone of voice
“I…God! I don’t know how to say this!” She places her elbows on the table, burrowing her face into her palms. Her outburst turns a few heads to which you shift uncomfortably to.
“Are you alright?” You reach over and place a hand on her wrist, which has her removing her hand covering her face to stare at the place you were touching her. She spots your ring.
“Are you still with Jimin?” She whispers
“…yes.” You say, although it’s not exactly the truth.
You retract your hand and her eyes follow it till they land back on you.
“How is he?” Mina asks, even quieter than before
“He’s well.” You’re not sure how else to answer. Honestly, you didn’t even want to answer.
She scoffs, “Good for him.”
The hate in her tone catches you off guard, your eyebrows furrowing as you stare at the now frowning girl.
“…Wha-”
“Good for him. Park Jimin. Great. Wonderful. Of fucking course he’d be well, he’s the one and only Park Jimin. The nicest guy in the world. Light of everyone’s fucking life. Sweet, kind, charming Park Jimin. Let me go jump off a cliff.”
She spits each word with abhorrence laced in her tongue. Her eyes squint in anger and her fist clenches the ends of her long sleeves. You sit there, shocked and confused.
When she notices the expression on your face, she unwinds. Moving her arms off the table and sitting up.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you…I just…” Taking a deep breath, she closes here eyes to contemplate something. Before looking up at you once again, “I always wanted to apologize for what I did to you.”
…
A third silence passes you both. Your brain was now fully awake and taking in each and every word.
“There’s not a day I don’t think about it…what I did to you…the mistakes I’ve made.” Mina’s voice cracks halfway as her eyes become glossy. For some reason, your chest starts to ache. “I regretted it every single day ever since you left. And I always, always wanted to talk to you one last time. I-if that’s okay with you?”
She halts to study your reaction. You nod, urging her to continue.
“…It’s not a secret – what I did over the course of half a year. What I allowed to happen…” She sniffles, staring at the gift bag as a tear falls down her eye. “It’s just…you meet this guy, right? A polite, charming, extraordinarily handsome guy, and he’s great. And he’s married which is also great but-”
“He sees you, like…he actually sees you for you and he befriends you. And he doesn’t tell you to change unlike other guys. He doesn’t turn his nose up at your quirks and doesn’t hold animosity in his eyes. He tells you his secrets…or what you think are his secrets and he appreciates you.”
She takes a deep breath, her nose running and cheeks rosy. Taking a napkin from the table’s corner, she wipes the tears littering her face as your own eyes well up. So this was how Jimin was in her mind compared to yours. There were a lot of similarities and a lot of differences.
“And so,” Mina strains, “You fall for him. Even though it’s wrong and even though he’s m-married. Even though his wife is a wonderful person, y-you fall so, so hard. And when he kisses you while he’s a drunk, giggling, beautiful mess…you don’t stop him.”
You close your eyes as the first tears makes its way down your cheek. Even though there were a lot of differences, the feelings were the same.
“Y-you don’t stop after the first time. Nor after the second and then the third… and it just keeps going on and on and on. Until it’s too late to stop. Even though the guilt eats you alive. Even though you stop eating and stop sleeping and no one can see the bags under your eyes, when he smiles at you-”
Mina shows you a pained smile, “When he smiles at you, and his eyes crinkle and his nose buttons. You think it’s all – the pain, the secrets – it’s all worth it. Because you just feel so damn special for some reason. So, you throw yourself down the drain, become the woman you never wanted in a relationship that would never go anywhere. You lie until your teeth start rotting and hide until the shame stops consuming your heart.”
You wipe your tears with the back of your hand, trying to calm your senses by pursing your lips.
“Then one day…he tells you he doesn’t need you anymore. That you never meant anything to him and it’s over.” Mina’s stop crying now. She stares at the table once again, this time looking at her reflection in the glass. “And you don’t put up a fight, because you knew this was coming. It was inevitable. A real relationship can never be based on a lie. All you’re left with is the person you’ve become.”
“In the end…all you did was become a liar that hates herself. Someone who hurt a woman who’s been nothing but kind to her. Someone who shut everyone out till the one guy she’s wanted shuts her out… that’s the conclusion.”
You let out a shaky exhale, your body lagging and mind numbing. There’s yet another moment of silence as you process everything you’ve just heard. Your feelings…were just the same.
“I’m sorry.” Your eyes shoot up as Mina speaks up once again, “I’m sorry for what I did to you and for all the things I let happen.”
“I understand if you don’t forgive me. And I understand if you never want to see me again. I…just wanted to tell you that you were great. You were a great wife, and a great friend…a great cook haha...and a great person. You deserved better than all of this. You deserved better than all of us.”
“And...and I know how it feels…I…I dated someone after Jimin… and huh ironically-” Mina lets out a breathless laugh, “He cheated on me… and I know I deserve I-”
“No.” You interrupted her, “No one deserves that.”
Mina pauses as she stares at you, “It really hurts…it’s not just them loving someone else, but them breaking your trust and connection. Completely disregarding your feelings and disrespecting you. And something like that coming from someone you love – someone’s who’s supposed to love you…breaks you apart from the inside. And that’s why I now understand what kind of a person Park Jimin was. A manipulative, lying piece of shit who immediately uses people’s vulnerabilities for his own pleasures.”
…
“I hope one day you’re able to move on from what I’ve done but…I will always carry what I did to you. I’ll continue to fall into toxic relationships and continue to have trust and commitment issues for the rest of my life.”
You frown at the feeble girl in front of you. Was this what you wanted from her? From Jessica? Is this what you want for Tina? Would this satisfy your idea of karma?
“Thank you…for apologizing…for speaking your truth.” You began slowly, Mina’s inflamed face staring at you,
“I always tried to understand why you did it. How you could do that to me when you’ve met me and knew me and…my head was just a mess for the longest time…but now…I just hope you’re able to move on from this as well…I don’t know if I can truly forgive you but I don’t want to hate you any longer. I spent so much energy trying to hate you and the other girls…I compared myself to you, I looked down on you…I ran away from you.
“But what was it that you owed me at that my husband didn’t owe me a hundred times more?”
Trying to piece your thoughts together you sigh, “The you I conjured up in my mind was a lot more characterless and viler. But now it just seems like I was trying to blame anybody but Jimin for his own mistakes. That’s the whole idea behind homewrecker, huh? I blamed you, I blamed my mother, I blamed myself. I blamed every single person except Jimin. And I shouldn’t have. There was no one else at greater fault. Not even you… and I no longer want to do that. I no longer want to put the blame on others.”
Mina looks away once her eyes tear up again. Her body felt sore and her insides twisted painfully. There’s no greater pain than the guilt of a woman.
“In the end we were all trying to find our happiness…anyway we could. I guess…we just searched for it in the wrong places.”
The rest of the sudden meet up was spent in silence. This abrupt hush being the last one before you finished your drink and observed the traffic around you. It felt like you both had said what you wanted, like your chests were finally free of such a huge burden. What was left was a empty feeling, satisfying but still an end.
Soon, it was time for goodbyes.
And then there you were, driving home from the longest trip you’ve ever had at a mall. You sat there, steering your car on the road, thinking just one thing. All this time, you’ve remembered nothing but bad things about her. About Jessica. And now about Tina. But what was the point in accusing them?
What type of satisfaction had you gained from hating other women?
Did it stop your husband from cheating? Did it dissolve his sins?
What sort of people were Jessica and Tina, apart from the characters your imagination had invented?
There were new questions you needed answers to. And there was just one person who could help you answer them all.
Just one.
Jimin was in the balcony, drinking his night away again.
Tina wouldn’t shut up tonight, he didn’t want to deal with her. But right now, he didn’t have anyone he could trust as much as her so his feet were planted in her damn apartment. As he looks up at the bleary sky, his mind wanders back to you. What were you doing at the moment?
Tsk, he scolds himself then. Why did he always think about you in the end? What did you mean to him? NOTHING. You were a toy. A toy he ended up going overboard with almost 6...no 7 years ago from tomorrow.
A toy that was causing him problems...
Jin had called this morning. “Why doesn’t your wife know where you are?”
It infuriated him; how dare he be questioned like this. And that bastard was one to talk, he was with Jimin playing wingman anytime Jimin needed a quick fuck. Telling him he knows men shouldn’t be tied down to one woman, that men were made to pump out their population into mankind. So why was everyone acting different now?
Why were you?
He kept you under his control for so long. How did you even find out about Tina?
Why was he?
Jimin couldn’t eat for the past few days. Nothing tasted like your cooking so he couldn’t swallow it down. His sleep was fucked up and he tried to wear himself out going to the gym or having sex with Tina or someone else but nothing worked. If anything, he just felt worse. He kept remembering the cologne you came in with that one night, just which bastard were you fucking?
His grip on the glass beer is so tight, he could hear it crack. No, you couldn’t have. Jimin was sure you wouldn’t even think about another man as long as you had him. Who would?
As his heart continues to ache and yearn without him knowing why, mind numb and limbs sore, his phone begins to ring.
Speak of the devil.
...
You studied the phone in your hand, as your thumb trembled while hovering over his name.
Why was this so hard? You’ve been upfront with him for a while now. So, what is it about today – this moment particularly – where your insides would rather shut down than hear his voice?
As you once again back out from pressing his name on your phone screen, you huff, sitting up in frustration. It shouldn’t be this hard, it’s really not a big deal. So what if you had no idea where your husband was for the past week? So what if he had his own wife sent to voicemail so many times that she had become too traumatized to call him? And so what if the biggest day of your life was tomorrow and he was still MIA? All you had to do right now, was ask about his location. Drown the wild thoughts and insecurities in your head with confirmation from the love of your life.
He owes you that much.
So, with a loud sigh, you click on his name. Ready to face the truth.
Your gut drops when it rings. Falling deeper and deeper with the first ring.
Second ring.
Third ring.
Fou-
“Hello?”
Gasping at the voice, you immediately put your phone next to your ear.
“Y-yes hello?”
“…___.”
You wanted to cry. He actually picked up, he really answered. “J…Jimin.”
Your whole body shivered, as if it remembered Jimin existed. He wasn’t some fever dream you mind conjured up. There was so much you wanted to tell him, which spiked up the adrenaline in your system. Oh, how you longed to speak to him.
“I heard you called Jin…” Was his immediate response. After being away from home for so long, after leaving you in the dark. He was more concerned about you talking to someone about how he left you.
“Yeah…I-I did.”
“Why?” He sounded annoyed
“Because I didn’t know how else to reach you…”
“You shouldn’t have called Jin.” He spoke again, firmly.
Biting your bottom lip, you hold back your tears. Does he think it was easy for you? Doesn’t he realize how embarrassed you were? Can’t he understand that you wouldn’t have called him if he just picked up his phone? Jin’s seen you before, he’s made you laugh before, you know him. He’s a very charming person, it’s why he’s one of Jimin’s few coworkers that you genuinely liked. Also one of the first friends Jimin made when you moved into this city.
It’s why you were terrified that when you make the call…his high opinion of you would change. That to him you’d look like a pathetic, desperate woman whose husband casted aside. You felt so much shame and if you truly, frantically didn’t need his help, you would have never asked.
Doesn’t he know that? Does he care about you at all?
“I…I’m sorry.” You whisper
He doesn’t respond. No, you didn’t want to blame him.
“Jimin…I’m so sorry for everything…I got ahead of myself. Please Jimin…”
Still, silence.
“Jimin…I don’t know where you are…I don’t know what you’re doing but I know that I love you. I love you and I miss you and I need you so much that it hurts.”
…
“Jimin…would you please…please come home to me? Please.”
“I don’t know, ___.” He responds tiredly, “I just don’t know who you are anymore.”
By now you should have known it was useless for you to hold back tears. “You stood in that altar with me, right? You took my hand and told me you wanted to stay by my side forever. You said forever didn’t you Jimin?”
Again, you shared radio silence and you close your eyes and imagine him. His beautiful self, his past innocence. What should you do to capture his attention?
“I met Mina yesterday.”
At that you hear his breath hitch.
“W-what…where?”
“At the city mall…she’s still as pretty, you know.” You let out a giggle
“You’re prettier.” He jokes. It was so out of place but he said it casually.
You laugh. You laugh and laugh and laugh until you start to sob. Breath heaving and lungs sore, you sob into the receiver. Your face was wet, and your nose was running, you were sure you have never looked more unattractive. Being close to him once again opened up the flood of your insecurities, made you feel hyper aware of your appearance. Shame and embarrassment enfold in you once more and you feel your throat close in on yourself.
Him just casually joking around reminds you of the old days. Where you might have been broken inside but Jimin was here to mend you outside. And that’s what you needed right now, for him to glue your shards back together again. A porcelain doll is always hollow inside anyway.
“…_-___.”
You cry louder at the sound of his voice. Your Jimin…you loved him so much.
“J-Jimin-hic-…pleas-please -hic- some home…I’ll change Jimin, I-I’ll be better, so please.”
He listens to you cry and his chest aches like someone pulled his heart out. This was something he was never good at, dealing with someone’s feelings. That’s why he never let anyone get too close, even if they felt like they were. Everyone…but you. Fuck, he shakes his head. No, you meant nothing.
But he still wanted to console you.
“T…the anniversary dinner is tomorrow, right?” He starts, his voice uncertain, “I…I’ll come then.”
“You will?” You hiccup, your own tone unsure
“I will.” He says, and this time he sounded confident. “I will come back home ___, just wait for me…”
“Promise me…”
What else could you wish for?
“I promise.”
How could a little more waiting hurt you?
Jimin shuts of the phone and sighs. It seems like you were back under him, which is a relief. He smiles then, his heart soaring at the thought of seeing you again. Just imagining the look on your face would be enough to keep him satisfied for a long time.
See? You love her. A voice interrupts. It came from deep inside his chest. Conscious, they call it. He hated it more than anything. The only person Jimin loved was himself and the only person he needed was himself.
He’s not like those pathetic people that lust after him immorally. There were no similarities between him and them, there never would be. His conscious seems to disagree though, telling him once again, how much he loves her, someone like her.
Growling at his brain, he smashes the bottle down onto the balcony’s pavement. The shards scatter, glimmering in the moonlight of the pale city. He could see himself in the reflection.
And for the first time, he didn’t like who stared back.
You were waiting.
On that time of year again.
June 17th, the most special day of your life.
You still remember it quite well; the well-lit Azul sky, the light specks of sand, the calming roar of the clear waves. It was the most beautiful morning in the universe.
Yet you were a wreck of nerves, sweaty palms and jittery teeth. Jimin’s dad placed a hand on your quivering shoulder, your eyes shooting the gentle senior as he smiles at you consolingly. You were never close to Jimin’s parents, nonetheless they were always tremendously kind to you. A part of you felt so undeserving of their love, but Jimin would remind you that you have earned everything good in the world. Jimin…you couldn’t believe in a few moments you were marrying the love of your life. How and when did your life take such a drastic turn for the better?
Snapping from your reverie, you shyly nod your head at your new father and place your hand under his outstretched arm. And soon it starts – the piano melody signaling the curtains withdrawal.
As the fabric was removed from your vision, the picture-esqu sight came into view in front of you, making you hold your breath and faintly tighten your grip on the elder man’s arm. The audience immediately turned their heads, a pleasant expression of awe plastered on their faces. White and pink carnations, complimenting your long lacey dress, decorated the virgin painted benches and their petals littered the bleached soft satin carpet.
And in front of it all – the audience, the flowers, your mother – stood Jimin. You lost control of your senses when you saw him. He stood perfectly still, hands clasped together and slightly taller than usual with his heeled derby’s and straightened posture. His black suit was stitched without a visible flaw, even in this bright daylight. It elongated his limbs and made them seem sturdier – rather well put as he jut his chest out ever so softly. Your eyes couldn’t break away, even as you began advancing towards him. Jimin too, stared right at you unwaveringly, like he could see no one but you at the moment.
His hair was gelled back and brush to the side, letting the sunlight highlight his ethereal features. When you reached the end of the carpet, Jimin’s father took a hold of your hand and handed it to Jimin. As soon as Jimin’s fingers touched your palm, a spark of fire traveled underneath your skin and your arm broke out in goosebumps. He led you up the three-step stairs, into the altar where the priest stood in front of you both.
“You look gorgeous.” He whispers with a cheeky smile
You break out into a shy smile, some of the rashness in your nerves leaving you.
His eyes never leave yours as the priest starts speaking and you could feel your own eyes well up as you hear the quiet sobs of Jimin’s mother.
After the small sermon, it was time for that big question.
“Do you Park Jimin, take ___ to be your lawfully wedded wife? To cherish her in sickness and in health? And never leave her lonely?”
For a moment you thought you saw a pause in Jimin’s smile. That there was a sudden weakness flashing across his orbs. But it was over, very, very quickly.
“I do.” He states proudly, causing all the unease in your lungs to vanish.
As the priest repeats the question to you, you take a deep breath, ready to state your obvious answer.
Suddenly though, you catch the eyes you’ve been avoiding the whole time.
Your mother. Sitting in the front row.
Without a smile.
“Don’t do this to yourself.”
“Mom, please…I’m getting married in a few hours. Why is this the only thing you have to say to me?”
The older lady inhales, her nostrils flaring in exhaustion. “I’m saying this for your own good.”
“No! You’re saying this for your own sick pleasure!”
“How could you think that way about your own mother?”
“…because let’s face it mom…you’ve never cared about me…”
She went silent after that. 10 minutes of arguing and this was what made her silent.
“Alright.” She spit, bitterly. “But when he ends up leaving you, don’t come crying to me.”
…
“I never have.”
“Madam?”
You jump from your daydream.
“Pauillac?”
A well dressed, older waiter stands in front of your table. He held out a bottle of expensive looking wine.
“Oh, thank you.” You say, holding out your glass.
Fast forward to seven years, you set up a reservation at the most popular 5-star restaurant in your city. It’s something you’ve done every year for four years, a month ahead because of the place’s demand and limited seating options. Even though your nerves were eating at you, you kept yourself alive. Today is the day you’ll see Jimin again. He’ll be back home again.
Your body was yearning for his touch again, you felt yourself getting hot and cold at times for no reason. But it was alright, you were happy.
You’ve gotten your hair, makeup and nails done at a salon today, wanting to look beautiful for your husband. It was red in color and light weight, to not seem overbearing, and you wish Jimin would like it on you. Imagining him complimenting you had you unintentionally beaming. Anything and everything he’d say tonight was bound to have you convulsing inward, you were just so excited to see him again.
Having arrived 15 minutes early, you mess with the napkins and cutlery, making sure everything was straight and preppy. Your nerves were on high making you fidget and glance at the door every few seconds. Jimin’s promise rang inside your head as assurance. There was a letter clutched in your hand. Since there were so many – way too many things you wanted to tell him, you decided to write a letter instead.
He’ll be here. I know him.
Time went by a bit too slowly, so you took some sips of your wine. What should you say first to him. Oh, you should thank him for keeping his promise. That would make him happy. Then you should apologize for that night, negotiate carefully to not scare him away. You’d tell him of the progress you made, about how you were learning to stand on your own two feet so you wouldn’t bother him again.
Whatever you did, you could not afford to make him feel upset again.
As you continued to carefully plan out your time with Jimin, a voice resounded in your head.
“You spent your life trying to become someone they’d love, that you forgot about who you are.”
…
You were doing it again. Of course, you didn’t want to apologize to him…but you were more concerned with what pleased him. Sighing, you took another sip of your wine.
Where was he? You were beginning to get angsty. Tapping your foot against the floor, you signaled the waiter for more wine. 20 minutes had passed. 30. 40. Soon you were bombarded with voices echoing your head.
Lin. Irene. Yoongi. Mina. Your mother.
Everything they said over the past month haunting your insides until you shook. Stop it, you wanted to yell. All you wanted was to be in your husband’s arms. You aren’t stupid for yearning for love. Jimin promised.
1 hour.
You had begun to stare at the people around you, dressed so lavishly. They all look so content. How lucky they were. There was a senior couple a couple of tables away from you, the lady feeding something sweet to her husband. It made you smile, and your heart hurt even more. Jimin, please come soon.
2 hours.
Where was he? People were starting to notice you could tell, their shaped became nothing but eyes that beheld you with animosity. Eyes poking you in places that left you sore. You wanted to jump into a cold river. Wash away the restrictive feeling around your throat. No, you aren’t stupid for trusting Jimin again.
With a deep breath, you press his number, holding it to your ear with pursed lips. He doesn’t pick up. But you dial it again. What if something happened to him, you worry. There was a similar feeling inside of you. The one you felt when you visited this office that night. Your heart and mind pleaded with him.
Please, Jimin.
“…Hello?” A groggy voice answers
You smile – you actually fucking smile for the tiniest millisecond. Before realizing that wasn’t his voice. No, that high-pitched feminine voice wasn’t his. Your whole face falls.
“Ms. ___?”
Tina.
“H-hello, Ms-” You overhear some shuffling before you hear him.
“Kitten, who is i-”
No longer concerned, you hang up. You were so stupid.
Your face twitches, mind still frozen before the tears fall like rain. It was raining outside too.
In seconds, your makeup’s all ruined, and the collar of your dress is strangling you. With so many people in the vicinity, you try to stop your tears but it’s no use – you can feel a few stares burning a hole through your head. You don’t even care to acknowledge the waiter who cheerily walks up to you pushing a cart.
“Ma’am here’s your oh-”
He stops dead in his tracks in front of you, who’s silently heaving into the air. He’s at loss of what to do as he gapes at your wrecked state, in his sweaty palms he weakly holds the handle of the cart. On that cart laid a large 2 layer lavishly decorated vanilla-swirl cake. Jimin’s favorite. With two words written at the top in pink strawberry icing.
‘Happy Anniversary’
You had no clue where you were headed.
The hush of the car pushed you forward. Your grip on the handle was deathly, frigid arms barely holding it eerily still and not crashing into one of the pawn shops on the right out of pure fury.
After the tears came the rage. You were so, so angry. And you didn’t give one single fuck.
Fucking Jimin, perfect, lovable, charming Jimin. Fuck him.
How dare he?
How fucking dare he not show up? How fucking dare he embarrass you like that? He lied to you yet again. And you, like the pathetic woman you are, fell for it again. It was like a drug, the wrath and despair within your system. Traveling across every nerve and every stream. Feeling like tiny needles prickling you all at once. You were so fucking angry.
It kept replaying in your mind. Tina’s groggy voice, her confusion…her pity. You couldn’t control anything, not your breathing nor your anger. All you wanted to do was forget about it all. Before you did something you really regret. So, you sped to the only place that made you forget once before.
You push the breaks to a halt, your body lurching forward at the sudden stop. Turning, you look out the car window, breathing fire through your nose. The loud beating of the music silently shakes the whole road. Bright red neon lights flare into your vicinity, reflecting even the puddles of the long dead rain.
Cypher Road.
With a humorless smirk, you open the car door, stomping your way out of the vehicle. Wasting no time, you sprint into the entrance with a slight stumble in your step and are immediately greeted by dancing bodies. It wasn’t any different than that other day – if anything, busier. The noise was so loud you could stop yourself from thinking for once. You brush past the lively bodies without a care, yet there is a small warmth with each touch of flesh that has you inhaling repeatedly.
Trance.
There is a joy of being here. You hadn’t wiped the scars of mascara off your face, your hair was a mess from you pulling on it. And your dress felt even lighter than before as you stepped onto the dance floor. The atmosphere was blinding, and you had come here to be filled with its addictive ignorance. How sweet it is to not taste the bitter reality.
It was slow at first. You weren’t in rhythm with anyone, but then again when had you ever been. Spanning your arms out, you brought them above your head as you twirled once, twice – a few times. Every second you unraveled yourself, closing your eyes as your heels glided along the dance floor and you shook and turned. Swung and twist.
You wanted to lose all your energy here. Everything had to melt away.
With every move you made, your mind became light headed, stars amongst your seams exploded and the fast pace of the universe seem to lull. So, softly, you fluttered your lids open.
The first thing you saw were the bright neon green lasers, traveling across the dance floor from the ceiling. Then you notice how the whole floor had slowed, the laughing, the screaming, the motioned limbs. Everyone around you had begun moving along your timeline, your pace – the slow dance with life for the very first time. Somehow the music had lost all it’s upbeat fervor and your ears echoed a blue ambiance in its place. You felt drunk even though you took mere ounces of liquor.
Numb, you were more numb thank drunk. Your movements were sluggish and your mind in a deep haze. This is what it feels like to be high on grief. While your eyes were roaming the dance floor, they landed on someone. There was a girl, around 10 feet away from you, who caught your attention, you’re not sure why. Nothing seemed unordinary about her – not her short dress, nor her pretty face. The club was full of that. She dances as lethargic as the figures around her. What you kept staring at was the necklace she wore, the pure silver being the only color you could see on her as the darkness of the club muted all other colors.
But the second a citrus scent fills the air around you, she is long forgotten. You turn back in front of you to see him.
He, who stood a good 5 feet ahead, taller than Jimin. He, who wore an expensive suit with a colorful scarf tied around his long neck. Dusky hair and sharp eyes, a slight tan and fixed stare. It was in that moment time come to a complete halt. Just you and him, even breathing and secret heartbeats. His face tilted to the side, a smirk present on his inviting lips. You blinked leisurely.
“Nice to see you again, baby.” He said in his deep, sexy voice
You recognized his voice.
Who could forget it?
The stall door slammed open as your body was pushed inside. For the first few seconds your breath was knocked out of you, just to fit into his mouth once again.
“Mmm-ah-”
His mouth was hot, heavy and wet. The middle of your spine shivered, sending a cursing sensation all throughout your body as you held onto his arms. The warmth of his shoulders kept you giddy, your face tilting to allow his tongue in further. His grip on your hips was tight, his fingers dangerously lurking your ass. You blushed as you felt your chest pressed up against.
He bit your lip and you gasped, your fingers treading into his hair as you tilted your head back. His lips kiss down your jaw, onto your neck as you moan loudly. The air was immense, the four walls of the stall closing in on you and you didn’t care one bit. You wanted to be swallowed. After nipping the soft skin of your neck, he looks up, into your eyes.
As you stare into the endless abyss by your own glossy orbs, you could swear there was no one more beautiful.
He smirks yet again, making you clench. His thigh parts your legs as his warm hand travels along your hip line before he grabs your dress. Pulling up the light fabric, you feel his hot fingers on your bare skin. You try to hold back your voice but fail miserably as you whimper, holding onto to him tightly. Softly, his hand caresses your thigh, tender and slow. You close your eyes, your brows knitting in what you think was frustration and you hear him chuckle.
God, that voice of his.
The air is knocked out of you as his fingers land on that sweet, sweet spot. Your eyes opening to find his intense stare.
“You’re so wet, fuck.” He huffs, fondling you over your panties
Unable to properly respond, you blush. Biting your lower lip before you begin to rub yourself on him. You’ve never done that before. Taken control of the situation that is.
“Shit.” He mutters, staring you down as you shamelessly stroke yourself against him. Your freedom didn’t last long as he snakes an arm around your back, your chest crashing into his and his long digits slam into your core.
“Ah!” You grab onto his arms as he scissors your insides.
“Fuck, baby,” He grunts, his low voice making you tremble, “You haven’t been fucked properly for a long time now, have you?”
His dirty words cause you to clench, curses once again slipping out of his mouth, “I’m gonna change that tonight – shit. I’ll fuck you so good, fill your nice and pretty cunt with my cum.”
You couldn’t say anything, lips trembling and back arching as his elongated fingers fucked into you, reaching such a depth that had you weak in the knees. Thankfully his hold was tight.
“You want that baby? You want to be stuffed with my dick? I bet I’d slip in so – fuck – so easily, I bet I’d cum right away, what do you think baby?”
“Nn- oh, yes-” It slipped out, as his pace became faster, harder and you wanted to thank whoever created him for his blessed fingers. They were much longer than Jimin.
…
Jimin?
…Jimin.
In an instant your eyes shot open, “N-no!”
The guy made out a ‘huh?’ Before you pushed him away with all your strength. His back collided with the right stall wall, as you used the left one to stand up properly.
You suddenly become all too aware of the ring encasing your finger on your trembling hands. The warm atmosphere now defeated by a scorching heat. Your eyes became cloudy as images of your husband flashed through your mind. The man you swore your soul to, the man who you came home to, his smile, his love. What the hell were you doing? You were married! Married! How could you-
“H-hey? Are you alright? Was it something I said?”
The man reaches out for you, causing you to jump.
“No!” You shout again, your loud voice echoing the stalls. His eyes fill with worry and the guilt threatens to spill out your throat. Did he know you were married? How would he feel about that? What were you doing? WHAT WERE YOU DOING?!
You were wheezing without any cause. The air in your lungs felt painful, throat sore and breaths ugly. Panic…you were having a panic attack. The walls were closing in and the light of the restroom gave you a pounding headache.
“I-I’m sorr-” You manage to choke out before running out of the stall, not even daring to look back.
You ran and ran and ran. Pushing away from the heavy bodies littering your way. Sobs of pain left you, but no one even cared to look. This wasn’t what you wanted from tonight – you wanted to forget Jimin, not become him. Yet you can never forget how you reacted to that stranger, how sensitive your body was to someone who wasn’t your husband. Tremendous shame and guilt travel up your neck like parasites. Your eyesight had become blurry, all the overwhelming lights meshed together, and you couldn’t even see anymore. All that was guiding you was the reminder to get out of this loud place.
And it was then that you bumped into someone.
“___? Hey, are you alright? ___?”
A frantic voice, and grip on your arms pulls you back to reality. For a moment you just heave as he shakes you softly, grip firm and protective. Slowly, your eyes begin to clear and breathing slows. There you see Yoongi and you, standing near the entrance hall of Cypher Road.
“Y-Yoon…gi?” You mutter, out of air
“Fuck, ___, what happened to you?” Yoongi shouts, his eyes widened in concern
“You lied to me Yoongi…” You mutter
“…What?”
“You lied to me!” You cry, pulling him off of you, “You t-told me…” Your voice breaks, tears filling your eyes, “You said he did nothing but fool around with his friends…YOU LIED!!!”
The anger in your voice has him putting up his hands in concern. “W-what do you mean-”
“In there!” You scream, pointing at the dance floor, “In your precious club – is a girl with a necklace!”
“A…necklace?” Yoongi squints in confusion, his head turning back and forth between you and the dance floor.
“A fucking necklace!” You roar as he winces, “A necklace…similar to the one Jimin wore some time ago…”
“___, there are plenty of ways she could’ve gotten that necklace, maybe she-“
“No!” You interrupt him, shaking your head vigorously, “That’s what I say! Those are the excuses I make! ...But not this time. Not when I recognize that special custom-made J pendant on her neck…”
You began to cry, hot fat tears rolling down your cheeks as your throat starts to close in.
“I-I could…couldn’t even see her face…I don’t even know what s-she looks like…” Taking a deep breath, you bring your hand to your mouth in embarrassment, “Yet I know her…because she wore my husband’s necklace so proudly. Like she owned it…owned him.”
Yoongi stares at you, at loss at what to say. The people around you gave glances and strange looks time to time. But still…no one cares long enough to stay.
“___...just calm d-”
“NO!” You scream again, cringing at the strain in your voice. “I won’t! I won’t calm down! I have every right to be angry!”
“I know that!” Yoongi yells cautiously, “I understand that-”
“No you don’t– No one does! No one knows how it feels to be in my position, no one- Or else you wouldn’t have lied to me!”
“You think I had a choice? You think I wanted to purposely lie to the woman who was staring at the ground a thousand feet below her like her only way out?”
“Just-” You bring your hands up, a sudden wave of exhaustion pouring over you, “I’m so, so tired…I’m so tired of being lied to, Yoongi. Please…please leave me alone.”
“__-” Before he could say another word you were rushing down the hall, out of the building. He stared at the exit you left from a bit too long, the bright neon of the sign hurting his eyes. Everyone else danced on, carefree, around him. His husband always told him this job would be his wolfsbane.
And he was right as usual.
As he’s debating whether to chase after you, a call of his name interrupts his concentration.
“Hy- fuck, Yoongi hyung!” The pale faced man turns around to see the youngest of his pack shoving through multiple bodies in disdain. The taller man rushes up to him, breathing heavily, with a worried gaze.
“Taehyung?” The older asks with concern laced in his tone. What the fuck was happening? “What’s the matter?”
“S-she was…do you know where the girl who was just with you went? She was right here! The one with the red dress…soft demeanor…?”
Yoongi straightened up as Taehyung described you,
“How do you know ___?”
You sat at the edge of your world in silence. The winds of tomorrow’s past blew past you, your hair in rhythm with the fast-paced clouds above. For the moment, you would have preferred silence, but that was not a sentiment the city shared with you. Cars, honking, muttered chatter, you could hear it all. Passing through your ears like an afterthought. Your feet dangled as you held your heels in your hand. What were you thinking of showing up to that anniversary dinner?
What ever made you think Jimin would stop disappointing you?
As you stared at the glass structures you sighed, you always ended up back at the same place. The same kind of city, the same rain, the same broken heart. Perhaps the universe really was trying to tell you something.
A quiet hum stained your body, Keeping you sane from your sadness. It was crazy really, how many questioned can be answered in a day. With a deep breath, you reach out to into the night, stretching your arm. Hand laid flat against the air for a few seconds before you clasped it shut – as if grabbing something. What were you desperately searching for in the night?
Your husband? Your life? Your childhood?
Your happiness.
“Thought I might find you here…”
It was routine then, the sudden loud beating of your heart. Your widened eyes, your frozen physique. The shaky exhale.
…
“I…tried to find you downstairs…in the apartment…but you weren’t there…”
Jimin.
You can hear him walk towards you. And you could imagine it, hands in pocket, the wind blowing through his hair, his relaxed stance and clear eyes. It had been too long…so long, just a couple days felt like years. It felt like something grabbed onto your heart, so tight you couldn’t breathe. You were too scared to turn. To look him in the eye.
But you did anyway.
And you just knew the universe hated you. It was him. It was him. It was him. His ethereal face filled with a halo no one could replicate. He was God’s most beautiful creature. How spiteful your creator must have been.
It was him. You wanted to reach out to him.
He stared at you, reading your eyes as you read his. But you both had stopped understanding each other’s language a long time ago.
You both waited for the other to speak. Yet for some reason, you wanted this silence to last forever.
“…How have yo-”
“Did you fuck her?” You ask, your voice immediately breaking. His face turned pale. “When I trusted you…and waited for you…”
He looked away, mouth shutting and eyes squinting.
You had dreamt of this scenario a thousand times, and in each one you never came off this strongly. So, what were you doing right now? Why did you feel so guilty?
“You fucked her…did it feel good? Are you happy now that you’ve emptied your dick?” There was so much fury in each of your words, but you enjoyed watching him squirm. You didn’t even know half these words were in your vocabulary. “How has she been for the past week? Why did you even come, JIMIN? I waited, and waited, and waited in the pain of the unknown. All while you got your dick wet…And I always do that Jimin…I’m so stupid, aren’t I?
He says nothing.
“Tell me I’m stupid!” You slam a palm on the ledge, “Because you really make me feel that way! And for what?”
The tears you hold back wrapped themselves around your neck, making you struggle to get your words out. You wanted him to feel as hurt as you did.
“What have I done Jimin? What did…I do to you?” Breathing was becoming hard, your lips quivering as you stared at the beautiful somber devil. “All I did was love you, so why? Why do you t-treat me like this?”
It must have been an illusion of either your river-filled eyes or the bleak night because for a second you thought you saw despair and guilt inside him.
“I broke myself apart to try and fit into your world. Became happy for you, always did what you wanted, never questioned you-fuck I would’ve even had children if it meant you would stay with me…”
“God, I’m so stupid!” You roar, grasping fistfuls of your hair and pulling at it, “Here I was trying to be better, here I was thinking that those three girls had something I didn’t but that wasn’t it at all! M-Mina didn’t have lipstick on that night. She couldn’t have marked your shirt…but someone else did! Isn’t that right Jimin?”
You turn back to him, eyes wide and head pounding. “I thought there were only three girls…but there are many, many more aren’t there? I thought Jessica was the first time, but it wasn’t was it?”
Jimin finally looks up at you, and you realize you never said anything about Jessica. He didn’t know you knew.
“You’d been cheating on me…since the beginning…haven’t you? Here I thought I must have done something wrong after marriage…but I’ve been your plaything throughout this whole affair, haven’t I?”
He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. You slowly lower your arms, face and body still in shock.
“I’m so stupid Jimin…I felt special for a while…I’m so stupid…aren’t I?”
His face twitches, but his thoughts remain a mystery. You watch quietly as he closes his eyes, a soft exhale leaving his lips. It was too painful to keep staring at him, at the man you once loved more than anything. So you looked back at the sky, pleading for a chance to redo every single event since before you met.
“Jimin…” You whisper, voice pleading. Your sanity was on the brink and you wanted to be pulled in before you fell over. “Tell me I’m not stupid.”
“I’m letting you go, ___.”
You really hated yourself in that moment. Your name coming out of his mouth felt so good, you almost didn’t hear the first part.
Almost.
“I have to let you go.”
And the first tear falls. Sliding down your cheek easily before the next one leaks. You close your eyes, letting the pain wash away at you for the first time in a while. The fall was long, you could feel the emptiness surround you. For a second it felt like flying, unobstructed and liberated.
“…”
“This has gone…beyond my control…___. I didn’t know what I was thinking, I just...” He looks at you, but you kept yourself inside your head. Arms numb and brain empty. “…I acted on impulse…I thought I knew what I wanted…I thought it was…”
You
“You are right…I have been cheating on you for a long time now…I never loved you…I just kept this charade on for as long as I could. And I don’t know why because I don’t love you…I d..d-don’t.”
That’s what you needed to hear, right? Just like that? Everyone’s been telling you this is better for you, haven’t they? So why are all your words stuck in your throat.
“I’ll go back to T…my friend for now…I’ll be back to pack up my stuff in the next few weeks.”
And with that he gives you one last glance before he turns. That was it, that was his whole explanation. What exactly had you expected? Why the FUCK did you keep expecting? You wanted to call out to him, your heart jumping out of your chest and latching onto his turned back. But instead of uttering a single peep, you listen to his footsteps all the way back to the door.
You listen as he touches the door knob. You listen as he twists it and pulls the door open slightly. All you do is listen when you can feel him hesitate, turning around to look at you.
For the strangest reason you remember the day you met him. That bright day, the soft wind and cherry blossoms. His bright smile and angel eyes, your innocent mind and open heart. It replays in your memory like your life flashing before your eyes. The wind picks at your toes and your body itches, yearning for something you couldn’t comprehend.
So much has changed since. This isn’t the same day, the same wind. There are no cherry blossoms, or smiles or innocence. You both are different now.
This was your chance to call out to him. To jump off this ledge and into his arms. But you just sat there. Listened as he turned back and left. And it was just you and the wind once more. The door closing felt like the cover of a book closing, that this was the end.
And against the fast-paced wind that night, you accepted your defeated.
There were no books out today…
That much you could tell as you stared at the small desk between the couches, dozing off as the sunlight from the large window behind hit your face.
Much like you, she also stared. At the distance in your eyes, the iris dim and face unreadable. There were many things she wanted to ask, many holes she wanted to poke. But she remained as restrained as her profession taught. For she knew the signs of unapproachable person at first glance, having read them countless of times over.
Yet she couldn’t have you stay quiet the whole time.
“Is everything alright?” Lin spoke meticulously
You didn’t answer.
She sighed, studying you as she shifted. What could she do right now to make you talk? You’ve been so quiet these past 3 weeks, almost like you didn’t exist. Last week you never showed up, Lin couldn’t help overthinking and dial your emergency contact – Irene, who dragged you over here in frustration.
You had told her about Jimin, lifelessly stating everything that happened as if facts about your life that hold no meaning to you. She knew how much pain you were in, but your reaction to despair was abnormal since crying was the body’s healing method. It’s a healthy way to process emotion. Then the next week you became silent, were a no-show last week and didn’t speak a word today either. Lin had consulted Irene, who said Jimin had been coming over, taking more and more of his stuff which helped the therapist understand a bit more.
You were mirroring your safe space, becoming as hollow as your apartment was.
“___, please you have to talk to me. Just for a bit, alright? I can help you.”
“Do you ever…” Her thoughts were interjected as you spoke up quietly. She was instantly all ears. “Do you ever…want to redo life? If you could start all over again, without any of your mistakes…would you?”
Lin stared at you for a while. Your expression did not change, you continued to glare a hole through her desk.
“Well…that’s a difficult question ___. Even though a part of me wants to erase the mistakes I might have made… I think it’s important to have the knowledge of those mistakes…why I made them…what I can learn from them…etcetera…”
“Well what mistakes did I make?” You say softly, looking at Lin in her pretty brown eyes. “What kind of mistakes have I made…that I still – to this day – have learned nothing from?”
You were trying to hide it, but she could see it as clear as day. The barrage of emotions you tried to conceal in your pupils. “Why am I getting constantly punished and learning nothing?”
“Why?” You plead, throwing a palm over your head and slouching down in your hair, “Why should I always be the person in pain? I’m so, so, so sad and I can’t change that even though I want to!”
“Trust me L-Lin, I want to change so desperately, I want to! I want to crawl out of my skin and find a new body because everything hurts but I can’t leave me…I can’t leave me, I c-can’t leave even though he can…I can’t leave even though she can… but I can’t, I CAN’T!
“..and you know what hurts the most?” You ask her, to which she does not respond. “What hurts is that he left me…like I was the one who did something wrong.”
“…He left me.”
It falls dead silent after your outburst. The only sound echoing the room was of your steady breathing.
“W…why do they get to walk away whenever they want after everything they’ve done?”
Lin breathes out tenderly, her eyes on the glass table and the reflection of the sun behind. In moments like this, she wishes she really had all the answers for her patients. She really does.
“By she…do you possibly mean-”
“My mother.” You mumble. “The one person in the world that was supposed to love me unconditionally…the one who threw me away like a discarded doll…”
Lin blinks slowly. “It can be very difficult to deal with the trauma and pain from a parent who abandons you…” After deliberating for a bit, she speaks up, “Tell me ___, why do you think you’ve given your all to every authority figure in your life?
You sit back up after a shaky exhale. Nothing comes to mind, except Jimin’s smile. Life was exhausting.
“Be…because…”
Lin nods, encouraging you to go on.
“I wanted them to love me.”
“And why did you think being perfect at everything, work, household chores, unconditional love, would get you their love.”
“B…because…I don’t know…”
“Hmm, can you tell me the first time you noticed someone’s reaction to you being ‘perfect.’ A child hood memory perhaps?”
After thinking about it for a while, you nod.
“...When I was…in the first grade…I got an A on my math exam. I was the only kid and…and the teacher called my mom to tell her I got an A. I didn’t want to bother her so I didn’t do it. And…my mother…she smiled at me for the first time that day.”
You could sense Lin’s soft smile.
“So I tried to get more As but I guess she got used to it. When Jimin…when I would blush or be openly smitten with him…there was a twinkle in his eye. One I could never get out of my head. And I tried…so hard.” You close your eyes, “So hard to keep that twinkle alive even when I was dying inside…but I guess…even he got used to it.”
Opening your eyes, you look at your therapist. “That’s why I did it. So they could love me.”
You become quiet, playing with your fingers as Lin stare at you. Her mind was in deep thought.
“___,” Lin sighs after a while, “You know that I can’t tell you to not be upset… you have every right to feel whatever you feel because what they did to you caused you great pain…but I think it’s time you learned how to love yourself. And for that we need to address the root cause of your issues.”
“My mother?”
“Your mother.”
You nod, contemplating what she said. Learning to love yourself? That was a concept so foreign to you. Could it really help you understand yourself? What could you possibly gain from it, what was there to love about you? Right now, you just wanted to sleep forever. Forget you exist at all.
Existence is a pain itself.
Maybe you should confront the cause of your existence then.
“Trust me ___.” Lin speaks, catching your gaze, “You deserve better. You deserve to love yourself.”
Oh, you just cracked the puzzle.
She had aged.
Your mom, who was always so tall. To you, she stood over all the towering counters and tables and light switches. Compared to her, you were tiny. Someone who always had to look up at her, stretching your neck and straining your eyes. At her, who easily touched things you could only wish to reach.
She looks so small now. Wrinkles skin deep, frown lines too permanent. She, who was once the tallest person in your naïve, 5-year-old eyes. Someone you thought would always look as young, as beautiful.
As cold.
You watch her, face trained to be still. Her posture was demure, lips sat motionless and eyes downcast. She wore a light earthy dress, full sleeves and prim collar…which was so very her. It was strange to you, how at one moment you wanted her to look at you more than anything. To acknowledge you.
But today you were content in studying her with a passive gaze.
“How have you been?” She begins quietly. You stare at her, then glance at her fidgeting hands in her lap.
The atmosphere was dim, a bit too lull for a restaurant during lunch time. Maybe you were suppressing the chatter and clatter, to focus on her. Again, how fitting.
“…I’ve been well.” I have not. “How about you?”
“Good.” She replies softly, staring at her steaming tea in interest.
You sigh, your shoulders moving up and down along with your breath. What were you expecting? This is a person you hadn’t seen in 3 years. Why would she suddenly be interested in you? Why should you be in her?
At that moment, you hear small laughter reach your ear. You turn toward the appealing sound, not sure why you wanted to find its source. Yet once you took it in, you understood. It was a child. A mother, and her small child. The lady was not much older than you, wearing a blue-green dress as she fed her daughter dress in pink a small piece of the steak she ordered. They seemed happy, content in the small moment they shared, and you couldn’t help but smile at them.
What a fantasy they were living, you hope they knew how lucky they were. Everyone seems to be luckier than you. For a while you felt like a kid staring through the window of a candy shop. Tsk, how ridiculous.
“I…I’m glad you are well…”
You turn back to the fragile sound of that voice. “It…I was happy to get your call…and you suddenly asking to meet me. I felt nervous…I don’t know why.”
Surprise was well written on your face at her words. This was not what you were expecting.
“And I…” She coughs as if her voice was raspy. “How have you been? H-how’s Jimin? I hope he’s taking care of you.”
She smiles then. A slight, delicate smile as she looks you in the eyes. This is not what you were expecting. Not from the woman who’s only given you cold shoulders when you’ve asked for warm arms.
All you could think about was how she was never home for your birthday and the one time she was, you overheard her call it just another rest day on the phone with her coworker. All you could remember was asking her if she would come to your recital and she never showed, so you just sat there after the choir concert watching all the other kid take pictures and receive flowers from their family. All you could call upon was the time she forgot to feed you for almost a week, which was what made you begin cooking.
And for some reason, unbeknownst to you, you utter the thorn pressing against your brain.
“Jimin left.”
Her smile takes a second to drop. The color of her face wearing off as her eyes widen. Jaw parting as she looks at you, like a worried, petrified mother. It almost made you laugh.
“W…What?”
Concern laced her tongue and you felt anger as a natural reaction. This wasn’t it – it wasn’t how you were expecting this to go. The person you remember, the person instilled into your core would have sighed in disappointment. Gave you a cold look and a wintery frown. Told you she warned you. Why was she suddenly acting this way?
“_-”
“H-he left mom.” You say, your voice choking up, “You were right, once again. He left me, just like you said. Aren’t you happy?”
You spit the question with venom, your eyes welling up.
“___.” She repeats in that same pitiful tone. It sparked more fury inside of you.
“Aren’t you happy?!” You ask a little louder, the neighboring tables giving you a glance. “I’ll be signing divorce papers soon. You were right all along!”
“N-no, no.” She shakes her head, seeming as distraught as you. Who was this person in your mother body? Wearing your mother’s face.
“What, why?” You sneer, “Have I done something to upset you again, like I don’t know ask for some fucking food?”
“___, no. Oh my God, no.” She was crying.
It was getting hard to see as you shook in your seat. The weight of the world felt like it was on your shoulder. And as you stared at the weeping lady in front of you, you felt like a child again. A child who hid under the bed, crying because of the thunder. Desperately wanting her mother to come home. But she never came.
“I hate you.” Your tough voice broke, “I hated you so much…I never knew how much I hated you until I found Jimin…even if his love was fake at least he acted like he cared. Why couldn’t you just fucking act?”
She begins to tremble. Fuck.
“I know…how much dad hurt you, but why did you have to hurt me? I needed you. I needed you, mom. I spent every single day trying to live up to what I thought were your expectations, I thought I had to earn your love. I thought-” You take a moment, shutting your eyes and feeling the aching beat of your heart. “I thought if I was the perfect child- if I didn’t cause you trouble, if I was quiet and stayed out of trouble y-you would at least smile my way. And still you didn’t…all of my accomplishments, all of the things I so hard worked for vanished just like that…”
“Tell me…why did you…abandon me?” You look at her and for the first time something feels different, although your heart continues to constrict. She looks so small in her light earthy dress, straining her shoulders and shaking her head.
“I am so sorry ___. I am so, so, so sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you like that, ___. I am so sorry.”
“But more than you I hate myself.” You continue, ignoring the sear of pain on her face with every word. “I hate that I can never be perfect for anyone, I hate that I can’t have a normal conversation without second guessing everything. I can’t even ask someone for help without having a mild panic attack! Did you know that? I hate how I am so sad and weak all the fucking time. I hate me, I hate me.”
“___, please, please don’t say that. Please.”
“Why, huh? So you can pretend to have a normal daughter, if you want to pretend I even exist today-”
“NO!” She screams making you silent. You could hear the whispering of the tables around you, but you pay it no mind. They were the lucky ones, they wouldn’t understand. “So you don’t turn out like me.”
“…What?”
She exhales deeply, her face morphed into anguish, “I never wanted you to be like me, ___. Never. Y-your father made so many promises to me, told me he loved me so much. I was a shy, quiet conservative woman who fell into his trap. Then one day he just got up and left. A-and I was so stuck I didn’t know what to do! No one taught me how to raise a child, I had no guidance, no family and barely any money.”
You listen to her silently. The air was thick and her breathing rapid. For some reason you really wanted to dry her tears.
“A-And then you w-were born. B-but every time I looked at you…I remembered what your father did. I remembered that I never wanted a child. I remembered that because of you…I couldn’t go anywhere and do anything, and I was trapped in the same damned town for the rest of my miserable days. I was so lonely and ashamed…I couldn’t hate you though…I tried but you were so small and fragile I just couldn’t. Yet it was easy to pretend you didn’t exist. So, I did just that…to help me cope, I pretended you weren’t there. That I never met a man like your father and he never betrayed me…”
She looks at her hands, “But I was wrong. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have have…but I realized it too late…when you already met Jimin…”
You tense.
“Since the start…he reminded me of your father, and it terrified me. I was so scared for you, and I tried to get you not to marry him. But you hated me, and it was all my fault. You sought for the love I couldn’t give you so desperately, that it was easy for you to fall victim to someone who wanted to take advantage of you. I prayed for you…for your relationship every day, I wanted to be wrong so bad…I did ___.” She looks up at you with a frantic gaze. “I never wanted you to be like me, never ever. I did so many horrible things to you. I’m so sorry ___. I’m so sorry. I know you can never forgive me, and that will live with me for the rest of my days.”
Your mom looks back down. Her expression empty and tears still. It seems like she let out all she wanted to say and now she was a ghost. There was nothing in her…nothing. She reminded you of herself, which is why you said the next words.
“I can’t forgive you…” You speak softly and she winces. “The young me…can’t forgive you. The one who was subjected to your neglect. The innocent child striving for a mere ounce of love and affection. The part of me that you disregarded every day until even I questioned if I existed. I can’t.”
She physically deflated, as if agreeing with your sentiments.
“But-” You interrupt her acceptance, “The me now…the me growing and changing and evolving every single day. The me who’s learned to be happier…who’s learning how to find herself and converse with others…the me who has learned to heal…that me. I…can forgive you.”
And you watch her as she takes a moment. Looking up at you like a star just exploded.
“I can forgive you, mom.”
The next moments were a blur. She seemed extremely please, beyond ecstatic and you felt for her. Especially when she cried like a baby, and you think she was the child now. You mother was the small one now, the one who needed your love. And you weren’t going to be someone who repeats her mistakes. Everything you said to her was true. You could forgive her now. It would take some time, but strangely you understood her.
If Jimin left you with a child, you would have the hardest time acknowledging it. All the pain you would feel could be unintentionally directed at it. You were so glad you weren’t in her shoes. They were bigger than you could imagine. As you breathe out, you feel it all leave you. The resentment you’ve held onto for years. The resentment that grew too heavy for you to carry.
It was lifted off your back and you could breathe again. There were traces of bitterness left, staining the deepest corners, but you will work on washing them out.
“I…know it’s too late…but I will try to be better ___.” She looks at you with her swollen eyes. It was as of you were staring at your reflection.
“I think you already are.” You say with a smile, directed more to yourself.
You really were your mother’s daughter.
_
It was silence once again.
A screaming silence, that woke your inner most core as you step into the vacant apartment. You were so tired. The meeting with your mom ran longer than you thought and now you just wanted to drown into your bed. Taking off your coat, you hang it by the rack before changing into your slippers. Without a second thought, you bee line for your bed room ready to sleep today off.
But you halt in your tracks as you notice something on the dining table a few feet from you. A stack of white papers. You look around you, as if searching for someone before you look back at the table once again. It had been a few weeks since that night. Jimin would come by when you weren’t around, take more of his stuff and leave. Half of you was wondering why he was taking his sweet time and torturing you…the other half was yearning for as much time with him as possible.
With a defeated sigh, you slowly make your way to the dining table. Every single inch of this space had so many memories attached to it. Each step felt like reliving it all again. Once you bump into a dining chair, you can read the letters as bold as day.
Divorce papers.
Oh.
Jimin was working quicker than you thought. You expected his, but not this soon. It hit you then. That you didn’t realize how real of this was until this very moment, as you reread those big black letters in the stiffest font. This was real, it was happening.
Jimin was finally going to leave you.
That’s right, he gets to leave. While you were stuck washing out the resentment.
So, you let out a breathless laugh. One after the other until you were full on laughing at the situation. Oh my God, you tried so hard and for what? You tore yourself up and for who? There was nothing left of you, you gave it all away and what did that get you in return.
You were so crazy stupid, it was insane. You actually apologized when Jimin cheated on you. You forgave him multiple times. You starved yourself, you loathed yourself, you killed the young girl just wanting honest love and respect inside of you. And you cried until your eyes broke and you’re crying now.
You’re crying for the girl who once stood in that mirror, pinching every ounce of her skin till it bruised. Scourging herself for never being good enough. You’re crying for your lost dignity, handing it to someone with clumsy hands you thought were loyal. You’re crying at how you lost who you were, not only in the longest seven years of your life, but ever since you were born. You’re crying because that’s all you ever did for you.
How different life would have been if your mother had taught you how to love yourself? If her mother had taught her how to love herself? If the men in your lives didn’t continue to ravage you of all you could offer. It felt like some sort of curse.
Which is why you fell to the floor to let it all out. The tremendous pain and grief that built over the years, the horrible conditions of your body and mind. Every single pore had to leak, only then you would truly be free.
You’re crying because you wasted your life away. You’re crying because you treated yourself this way, when you didn’t deserve anything but love, trust, and honesty.
You’re crying because you learned too late of what – who you should have loved.
You were crying because your book wasn't written by you, but by somehow who couldn’t care less about you.
You are crying because of what is and what isn’t.
And trust me when I say, you’re crying for the last time.
_
You woke up today and the ache was still there, that mind numbing helpless feeling of isolation.
But instead of that horrible drilling pain to the brain, it was a small tremor in the back of your head. And for the most part, you could ignore it. Sauntering down the hall with your many files, you stop in front of the large wooden door and stare at the name plaque. The morning air felt fresh. Maybe that was why you took so many deep breaths. And another one, before knocking on the door.
“Come in.” You hear an easy-going voice and you open the heavy door carefully.
“Ah! ___, I was just about to call you! Great job at that meeting by the way, you really wowed the investors.”
Your boss sat relaxed at the front of the vast room, in the middle of her bulky brown desk like some sort of royal.
“Thank you.” You smile, stepping into her large office. The air was cooler in here and a shiver ran down your spine at the sudden chill that intruded your light purple blouse. Your skin erupted in small goosebumps, both from the temperature and the sights of your grinning boss.
Not that you didn’t want to see it, you were just so unsure of what to do when it would inevitably fade at the news you were about to share. It’s what you’ve been scarred of from your whole life, the thought of disappointing an authority figure. But seeing as how two-thirds of them disappointed you instead, you really could not care anymore at this point.
She watches you pace your way up to her desk, small inquisitiveness in her wide set eyes.
“Did you have something for me?” She asks, pointing to the files in your hand with her gaze.
“Oh, these-” You put down the big stack of gray folders in front of her, “This is just something you have to look over.”
“I see. And what about that?”
Your grip tightens around the envelope in your now empty hands. “T…This is…my resignation letter.”
Her stare shifts from the envelope to you, mouth parting to display her surprise.
“Resignation?”
Throughout your life you always thought your body was a strange one. The length of the reactions you felt had to be abnormal, you continuously believed it. Do others feel this cold when they are alone? Do others feel this upset at the sun for rising? Do they feel the deep ache of the tragic finale that was the last 7 years? You sure did. But you still got up, you still made it out of that wretched house that was too bare to bear, and you kept it moving. And to you, that’s what matters.
There was so much thinking you did last night, so many thoughts flew in and around your head. You wonder how others reflect back on their life. What regrets do they swallow, what makes them laugh the loudest? What parts do they cry the hardest and who do they miss?
You couldn’t tell, you’d only been you the past 7 years. It was useless to sonder. So you didn’t, instead you thought about who you were. On that cold floor of the house you cemented with your naïve heart, tears dried by the very air you hated, you thought about the past seven years.
And the past 4 months.
The rooftop, the club, the people in your life, the people not, the heart break, the longing. You had always been analytical, and it was safe to say you had found the answer you sought.
It was funny how the answer became so clear once you only thought about yourself, obscuring yourself from other’s needs for the very first time.
“Yes.” You state undoubtedly, cold long forgotten. “I’m resigning.”
Another sigh as you leave the room. But this one was of relief. Although a bit upset at losing her best employee, she had taken the news surprisingly well. She even encouraged you when you told her what you were planning to do after this. Irene would be glad to hear that.
Although the pain was there, it didn’t have a hold on you anymore. You wouldn’t allow it to.
“There you are!” You hear, jumping in your spot as your palm was still on your boss’ door handle.
As you look up, a handsome young man with bunny-esque features jogs up to you. His left arm was behind his back, concealing something from your vision. All you could focus on was the strain it caused his muscles.
“I was looking for you,” He comes up close and you could hear his rapid breathing. His lavender scent gentle invades your space. You look at him curiously, watching the way his face falls as he realizes where you stood, “Hey, were you meeting the CEO? You’re not in trouble, are you?”
The fact that he seemed genuinely concerned made you laugh. “I’m not.”
He exhales a sigh of relief. “Thank God, didn’t want you getting fired for being in love with me.”
For the longest time you had been avoiding him. Ever since thinking of him in that way, you ran away from wherever you spotted him. Yet you had forgotten how easy-going he was. How effortlessly he made you laugh.
“Pfft, please.” You scrunch your nose, “You’re a goofball.”
He just stares at you, a wide smile present on his face. Tilting your head to the side, you squint at him.
“What’s the matter?”
“N-nothing, you just…seem different today…from last time I mean.”
“In a bad way?”
“No!” He shouts flustered, “I-in g- a good way! You seem relaxed.”
You break out into a laugh. He really was the brightest employee. It was a shame you didn’t get to spend more time with him.
“Thank you.” You say, as you watch him blush fondly. “I feel different. Relaxed, I guess.”
I’m no longer cold.
His gaze travels down, as if he had something he wanted to say. Your eyebrow quirks at him when you remember he still had his arm behind his back.
“What are you hiding?” You ask with a sneaky smirk.
He grins back at you, displaying his large teeth. Biting his bottom lip, he swings his arm out,
“Tah-dah!”
There were suddenly a bundle of white roses in front of you, a gentle scent of freshness blew past you. You subconsciously took a long whiff, the pure layered petals creating a picture-esque image. Once your surprise passed, you were left doubtful.
A part of you had forgotten the bet.
“Roses?”
“Yup.” The man holding the bundle up to your face beamed
Scoffing, you place your hands on your hips. “Are you kidding? You expect me to believe you found roses around the building?
“But I did.” He pouts, and for a second you were ready to blindly believe him. Until you caught ahold of yourself. This lying brat!
“Where exactly did you find these beautifully healthy flowers, hmm? The backwall where even weeds don’t grow?”
“Yes, actually.” He states just as proudly, “I planted them.”
Your eyes widen at his words. “You did what?!”
He moves closer to you, you could feel his breath hitting you as his face was adjacent with yours. “I. Planted. Them.”
“T-that’s…Y-y-you ca-”
“Why not?” He asks with a mischievous glint in his eye, “The bet was to find flowers on the property, it doesn’t matter where they came from. And like you said, there’s some gorgeous land on the backwall.”
Your jaw drops slightly at his reasonings. You wanted to continue arguing but instead you just stood there watching him giggle in the most adorable way.
“You wanted pretty flowers, I got you pretty flowers.” He winks, handing you the roses. “Think of it as a one-month anniversary gift.”
Oh, right. He still thought you were new here.
His naivety makes you burst into laughter, the first genuinely happy expression you’ve made in months. It was mystery at first, but now you knew now why you liked him so much. The youthful nature, the sincerity he displayed was alluring. You didn’t have to be any front you had put up in the past in front of him, instead you were just another person. Someone normal for once.
“Thank you Jungkook.” You laugh as he proudly holds up his nose. Just as your eyes twinkle upon him, you recall upon something suddenly. Reaching into your pocket, you pull out a small piece of paper, your number scribbled on it long ago. Honestly, you couldn’t help but like him.
“Here. You earned it.”
He looks at your hand extending the paper, as your other holds the roses close to your heart. His heart beat quickens at the sight, you were so graceful and effortlessly beautiful, he wanted to know you more and more. Jungkook knew when he first saw you, the traces of a secret battle all across your face. Although he didn’t want to pry, he couldn’t help but let his heart be captured by the silent beauty that shone from you as natural as daylight.
“Thank you.” He mutters, his ears turning red.
While you look at him staring at your digits in awe, you found him to be an absolutely enchanting man. And you wanted him to know that, so you step up to him, softly connecting your lips with his cheek. You could feel him freeze under you, and it made you feel enthralled. It was nice, being in control for once.
“I’ll see you around, Jungkook.”
With that you sauntered down the hall, almost turning the corner before you hear his melodious tone stutter out to you. “T-this Saturday? It’s a date!”
Although surprised, you said nothing, just continuing to walk along the hallway. But you couldn’t help the grin that broke out on your face, thankfully obstructed from him, of course. You felt giddy all the way back to your office. Once you were there, you squealed in glee.
Through your small jumps and smiles, your phone rang, startling you. Already? You thought before checking the caller ID. In a flash your beam dropped, orbs beholding the name anxiously. How did he get your number? With a hasty sigh to calm you nerves, and an oddly guilty feeling, you decidedly answer the call.
“Hello…Yoongi?
Meanwhile, back at your boss’ hallway, a certain bunny boy hadn’t moved an inch. Argh, he felt so stupid. Why did he ask you out so fast? The plan was to first call you, maybe get to know you. But somehow, when you told him you’d see him around, it felt like a goodbye…the forever type. His gut told him he had to act quickly.
You didn’t even respond though…wow he felt dumb. Huffing, he rubs his face with his oversized hands. He didn’t blow it, did he? Should he call you tonight to make sure? Did you even want him to call? Well, obviously, you gave him your number!
As he was faced with a silent moral dilemma, he fails to register a young woman pacing up to him.
“Hello?”
He jumps with a small scream, which has the lady confused. She recognizes him though, he must’ve been one of the new recruits. Yes, the overly enthusiastic one.
“Umm, Mr. Jeon, right? You were just speaking to the supervisor, weren’t you? Can you give her this last gray file for me, please? I forgot to hand it to her.” With that the lady clacks away in a rush.
Jungkook stares at the file. She must have been talking about you. He smiles, thinking this gave him a valid reason to look for you again without seeming like a creep. This time, he’ll be more suave – more stress-free with his methods. This time, he’ll have his answer. The stretchy smile soon disappears, however, once the lady’s words fully register in his mind.
Did she just say supervisor?!
It was subtle really, blink once and you’d miss it.
Jimin softly shut the door behind him, looking into the dim living room he never quite got used to.
Did this place always feel so empty? He thought, staring at the walls with disinterest. He’s never had to be in here alone, he realizes. You were always here to warm the spaces between the loneliness.
But who was here to warm you?
It didn’t matter anymore – you didn’t matter anymore. You had changed, you weren’t the person Jimin agreed to marry. The you now weren’t someone he recognized. Time passes by too fast; he couldn’t keep up with it anymore. That’s why he wanted to end it with you as quickly as he could. Wasn’t it just yesterday he was confronted by you? Was it yesterday when he broke everything off?
He really couldn’t remember.
Oh, but his body sure did. His face grew thinner every day, arms losing the vitality his lithe limbs always presented. It was like his body realized you were leaving him and began a protest of its own. No one from college would recognize the Jimin he was now, the one who started to speak a little less. The one who stiffened his neck and sagged his shoulders. This wasn’t their Jimin.
As he stared off at the dining table, his mind recalls upon that rainy night. Where the distance between you started to grow like poisonous gas. It was the first time he felt the detachment from your side, since before you had always made yourself emotionally and physically available to him. Needless to say, he abhorred it, he hated what you had become. All without understanding the irony.
Jimin was someone who never understood his faults, too busy picking out the mistakes of others. Another thing he slighted in was confrontation, because he’s never been called out. Only when he looked in the mirror recently did he have the worst of days, lashing out at himself, at Tina at his friends and coworkers. Yes, he kept himself quite busy. Everyone was beginning to leave him, and he was getting desperate. Running his hands through his hair, he starts to trudge towards the bedroom. He was exhausted, shifting between work, leaving you and consoling Tina. His scandalous lover wanted to make a life with him, he just wanted to rest, maybe for a month or two. It’s alright though, he could just keep himself in her safety for a while before running off to whatever new toy he found next.
Once he’s inside the bedroom, he freezes involuntarily. The sight of the familiar place had his heart yearning. It made him angry, that feeling of attachment he could possibly have connected to you. You were nothing to him and these days you were a headache to deal with. He gave seven years to you, you should’ve been grateful. Now he just missed the old you, the you who would follow him blindly. Jimin wasn’t made to be questioned.
So why did he feel like puking his guts out onto the floor? Why did it wound him to blink? Face it, the voice inside sneers at him. You love. Someone like her. You’re pathetic.
No, he doesn’t.
Yet he recalls upon another buried memoir. When he first started dating you, he slept with another girl in the same week. That’s what he did to all the girls he ‘dated,’ it turned him on to know people desired even if he was ‘taken.’ It was then as he held the other woman asleep in his arms, you texted him ‘goodnight’ and a bizarre feeling came over him. Guilt. He became so afraid, he ignored you for a week. Until he yearned to see you again. And why exactly should Jimin deny himself of anything he seeks? The same situation occurred a few more times, till it became a habit like alcohol. Although it may burn the next day, in that moment you enjoy the carnal pleasure for what it was. Pleasure.
He would never admit that other women never gave him the same sensation anymore, that you and the vanilla and wholesome sex meant everything to him at some point. Never, ever. Because he didn’t love you. The beating in his head couldn’t convince him otherwise.
In all honesty, he didn’t have an answer himself. Why did Jimin marry you? He didn’t love you…you just asked him about it once. Subtly hinting to marriage when asking him about what his thoughts on it were. Of course, you’d want commitment, every damn bitch wants commitment. And in that moment, he should have shut you down. Should have used his charms to make your place clear to you. Yet he didn’t have it in him to hurt you. Instead he proposed to you the next week, thinking that you’d vanish like the other girls when he made his intentions clear. But why? Why were you the only one different? It wasn’t like he loved you.
He didn’t.
Which is why it was easy for him break it off with you, wasn’t it? So easy, that he hadn’t slept or eaten in days.
He was on the brink, his conscious just needed a little more push to take over.
Jimin wasn’t here for anything big today. Just searching for a custom J pendant he seemed to have lost a while back. Sadly, he didn’t know if it was you or not – he didn’t know where it was at all actually. Maybe he left it here, maybe he left it with another faceless girl he fucked senseless. As soon as he forces himself back to reality, he begins to look around. He was already late today, and you would be home soon…he didn’t want to run into you again.
Cluttering about, a bit staggered from his lack of forte, he steps up to the bedside drawer in one swift motion. He pulls open the drawer, running his fingers through all the items present inside. It was then that he stumbled upon a letter.
Marked with his name.
He couldn’t help but feel curious, drawn to your timid handwriting on the otherwise blank paper. Picking it up, he opens it to find hundreds of words scribbled together. Although the words were slightly messy, there were no mistakes he spotted, leading him to think you must have rewritten the letter a thousand times.
His breath was in his lungs, his feet glued to the floor. Something inside him wanted to put it back – leave it alone, his nauseous gut giving him another warning. But he began to read it anyway. Because why should Jimin be denied from anything he seeks?
Dear Jimin, the letter began and Jimin’s eyebrow twitched.
I’m not sure how to write this. I’ve rewrote it so many times already my wrist hurts. But I do want to tell you all of this, and as I am not the best at conversing my thoughts across, I would rather jot them all down. In hopes that my heart could reach you through them.
I’ve recently done a lot of stuff I never thought were possible for me. I made a friend, I learned a new interest, I took up therapy. There’s so much I want to talk about! But I’ll keep it short. Even through everything I did, I thought of you. Every corner I turned; ever route I took. Somehow, I felt you were on the other side, waiting for me.
No matter what anyone said, it didn’t mean anything to me. Just you, Jimin. And I realized, how much I need you. How I can’t lose you. I lost my mother Jimin, I lost her because I wasn’t perfect, and I know, to you I am not perfect.
But to me, you’re perfect Jimin. Which is why I don’t care what anyone says. I’m scared of coming home lost and cold, I’m scared of losing my home, which is you. I know I haven’t been great to you these past few days and the truth is I was hurt. I was alone and scared, but I should have known...I should have remembered who you are to me.
These past few years I am beyond grateful for. Thank you for spending your days growing old with me. I remember all the little stuff. Like that time, we went to the theater and you ordered too much popcorn and the aftertaste of the butter lasted in your mouth for a week. You always said me kissing you made the taste a bit more bearable. Or what about that time I got malaria and you stayed up for three days with me in the hospital? I have never seen you so scared.
That’s our love, Jimin. Those days mean so much to me, I wish you would remember them.
No person can get between us, Jimin. I won’t allow them. I want to apologize to you; I want to take everything I said back. I’ll be better, Jimin. I’ll remind you why you wanted to marry me.
I’ll be perfect, Jimin.
So, please. Come home to me...darling.
Sincerely, your loving wife.
The door slammed open and shut, breaking him out of his concentration. Jimin was too immersed, he didn’t even notice how much time had passed. All he did know were of the tears that lingered his sockets. With an aching inhale, he practically ran out of the living room to catch you by the entrance. It was like magic then, you were a sight to behold. A most beautiful fairy.
You were in the middle of removing your heels before you noticed Jimin’s presence. It made you halt in your tracks, your hand still carrying your small pumps. He holds you inside his gaze with such intensity, it makes you gulp. What was he doing here? Had he always looked this sick?
…Was he crying?
In moments he was upon you, his strong arms molding around your limbs as he exhales into your neck. You were as stiff as a board, confusion and angst swirling your mind.
“J…Jimin, wha-”
“I love you, ___.”
…
What?
“I love you, I love you ___.” He repeats, moving off you to stare into your eyes. His orbs were bright, glazed but sparkly. All you could do was gape at him.
And in the midst of your shook state, you peak at the letter clasped in his hand.
He follows your gaze, holding up the paper to you.
“Let me explain.” Jimin pleads, seeming sincere for the first time in…forever. “T-that night, our anniversary night, I wanted to come home to you. I really did. But Tina got into my head with and she...she manipulated me. Into thinking I don’t love my own wife! I was so confused, so instead I decided to listen to my carnal desires once again, push you out of my mind the only way I knew how.”
You were still trying to process everything. Why was he here again? “Wha...what?”
He looks sad just then, beyond exhausted like he was on the brink.
“I love you…___. Everyone’s leaving me these days, but you. You were always there for me.”
“…Jimin…”
“___, I…I have been in a lot of pain since I left. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I missed you so much. I never wanted to admit it, I always ran from it. And you were just…always so understanding…that I never looked back at my actions. Never thought what I was doing might hurt you. I’m so sorry.”
It hit you like a truck. Jimin apologized. This was the Jimin you saw that day after Mina. The vulnerable, broken boy.
“You’ve been coming on so strong…I couldn’t handle it. I thought I finally got the chance to break it off with you and be free…but I was wrong. I was wrong. I love you, ___. I don’t know since when but maybe I always had. And being away from you helped me understand that, the agony I felt. The yearning…I never want to leave home again. Your letter helped me understand! You make me a better person, ___.”
Jimin smiles, “So I’ll stay. I’m home ___. Thank you for bringing me home.”
Once again, he wraps you in his hug, ready to end the night with you in his arms. He finally feels free after so long, the spikes slowly removing themselves off his body. You were his energy, he realizes, you would help him get back on his feet. Finally, everything will be okay again, finally he can have you within his pincers once more. How he’s missed the delicious taste of eating you alive.
But as happy as he feels…he couldn’t help notice you weren’t responding.
Slowly, he unwinds from you, muddled. He takes a look at you, you who didn’t make any face. You who weren’t reacting to him the way he always knew you would.
Instead, you just glared.
It was his turn to be flustered, his turn to take a step back and process everything.
“___?”
“I…don’t love you, Jimin.”
Silence. As if you just dropped a bomb. His eyes widen, before squinting at you.
“W-what? Since when?” He almost sounds offended
“Since just now.”
“…What are you saying, ___.” He scoffs, taking your hand in his. You weren’t wearing your ring…again. “You love me.”
“I don’t.” You say more firmly, removing your hand from his. Jimin just stares at his now empty palm in surprise. “I don’t love you Jimin, and I’m not sorry about it.”
When he doesn’t retort, you sigh. “Jimin, did you know…a few days ago…I heard my secretary on the phone…she was talking to her boyfriend.” Looking down at how close your bodies were, you take a step away from him as courtesy, but you fail to regard the way his face grimaced at your distance. “He told her ‘I love you’ and do you know what she said?”
You look back up at him, and Jimin wonders if you were truly asking him for a second. “She told him ‘I know,’ just like that. Almost like she took it for granted, you know. But I didn’t think of it like that…instead I was jealous of her. Because in her mind, she doesn’t have any doubts that her boyfriend loves her. Which is why she’s able to respond so casually like that…he gives her so much love, that she never has to second guess her answer.”
Giving him a moment to register everything you said, you pause for a bit and smile.
“And Jimin…I have never felt that way with you.”
He winces.
“I have always doubted myself, second guessed your love and honesty. I always thought ‘there’s no way he could love me’ and there was nothing you did to convince me otherwise. But do you know Jimin? Do you know how many times you’ve said, ‘I know’ when I told you how much I love you?”
“_...” His voice dies
“That’s what I want, Jimin. I realize, it’s what I always wanted. That unconditional, blatant love. That’s what I deserve. I went through so much…yet I held onto you still. No matter what anyone said. And if anyone was looking at me right now, into my life, they would think I was crazy. But it was just that I couldn’t let you go. I couldn’t do it, I don’t know why. I just couldn’t…”
There was a glimmer of hope in his dark pupils.
“Even in that letter…I held back so much because I was afraid of surprising you. I could never be honest with myself. So that’s why…thank you for letting me go. For leaving me. Do you know how much I accomplished when you left me, how much I couldn’t accomplish in years? I had an actual orgasm, I left my job, I’m going to start a restaurant with my best friend, Jimin, I gave a guy my number.” His face went through many changes; anger, shock, hurt. But you continued on anyway. “All of that, just because you weren’t around poisoning me. Leaving me was the best thing you did for me, Jimin.”
He begins to tear down, tears fall in his eyes and he looks away. His jaw was clenches and his nostrils flared, telling you he was upset. But you didn’t feel satisfied, you didn’t feel happy that he was as hurt as you had been. You felt nothing for him. Maybe except pity.
Carefully, you step closer to him. Taking his face in your palm.
“And I hope, Jimin, that leaving me helps you as well. That you stop chasing after meaningless convictions and you find whatever it is that can keep you grounded. You’ve hurt a lot of people Jimin, and for that you will suffer a lot as well. Me, all the girls and people you threw away after using. We never could help each other together, but we can help each other apart. It’s going to stab for a while, and you’ll feel as cold for a very long time. But then, I’ll pray for you to learn Jimin. I’ll try.”
And that was that, the ache lingering in your heart, was pushed all the way down to your stomach. It was still there, but not bothering you as much. Not controlling your destiny any longer. In your senses a melody played in the background; a constricted melancholic piano melody dedicated to love, to the happiness and woes.
This man you stared at, the man you once loved for seven whole years, who was he now? He couldn’t be blamed for everything, you had given him chances to hurt you again and again after all. More importantly, who were you? Definitely not the same woman you’d been when you first found out about Jessica. Not Mina. Not even the new one. You were changing, always evolving and you were proud of that.
You really were so thankful that Jimin had decided not to come home that night. That he continuously left you alone, to stand on your own. Because now your legs felt stronger than ever. There were a lot of people you were thankful for, a lot left to confront but this was your story. So good job you. Your love was first and foremost for yourself. Of course, you’ll continue therapy, you’ll work hard to open a new restaurant, you’ll try to give yourself the happiness you always deserved. Not every day would be great, some days you were going to struggle and there would be a lot of tears. But they’ll be your tears, your struggles, your joy, they won’t be based off of some other person’s mood.
This was only the end of Jimin’s chapter. Your real story will begin from today.
You were never going to convince yourself otherwise. Were never going to push down your feelings and act like they didn’t exist. That was the least Jimin had taught you.
It really was nice outside that rotten cocoon.
He was quiet for the first time in ages, and you honestly preferred silence from him. There were a lot of stupid things he said once he opened his mouth. Why should he become a better person from your pain? What kind of creator allows that?
After a moment of staring at his lost soul, you take a deep breath, exhaling softly. You couldn’t stay here too long, Yoongi had called you, getting your number off someone named Joy, asking you to come over to Cypher Road. He wanted to apologize for that night, as well as meet someone. If Jimin needed help, he should go search for it like an adult.
“Ok, umm…finish up whatever you were up to…I have to head out.” You say, turning around. Jimin doesn’t respond, but you couldn’t care less how he feels right now. “And I signed the divorce papers, they are on your shelf in the closet. Tell me when they are finalized, I’ll be free all week.”
You turn the door handle, pulling the door open halfway before remembering something and spinning back to him.
“Not… Saturday though. I have a date.”
#bts#jimin#bts smut#bts x reader#jimin x reader#bts angst#Jimin angst#BTS fluff#jungkook fluff#jungkook#taehyung#R:CHTMD
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- part 2: home? -
warnings: descriptions of injuries, not too detailed.
tags: shout out to my first-ever requested tags, @sista7-7 @softieus and @marrambles yay! Thank you for reading and sorry for the late update TT. Hope you guys enjoy :)
disclaimers: I am not a medical professional, this is all part of my imagination and totally made-up therefore is in no way accurate. If you find any part I could improve on, do tell. I would appreciate the feedback. Other than that, enjoy! <3
previous/next
It took another week for me to finally be discharged. A week of rehabilitation and physiotherapy (which Dr. Hwang said would be continued after my discharge TT). I had lost strength in my extremities and also my sense of balance. This, I found out after almost falling down right on my face when I attempted to climb out of bed for the first time. Almost, well because thankfully, he was there.
My parents had arrived the night I woke up. My mother immediately cupping my face, tears brimming in her eyes while my father just took my hand in his and smiled every time I looked his way.
It felt surreal, honestly. My family and I were close. But we were not exactly the type to be crying and holding each other, or professing our love for each other. We were the laugh-at-each-other’s-life-problems-cuz-I-had-it-worse-than-you type of family. Then again, for me it felt like I was waking up from a long nap, while for them, they didn’t know whether I would make it or not so, fair enough.
Turns out, the accident was pretty bad. My head had to be stitched up and so now there was a nasty gash above my left eye (it was definitely gonna scar but let’s not think about that right now). My arms where full of cuts and scrapes from the broken windshield. My legs and chest, badly bruised. Dr. Hwang said they had healed fairly well in the past two weeks, but I still cringed at how ugly they looked every time I caught a glimpse. He also mentioned that I was lucky not to have sustained any other serious injuries other than my head trauma. I was grateful of course, but losing my memory was deleterious enough.
I woke up every morning feeling confused as to why the heck I was at a hospital and it took a few groggy minutes to remember. Sometimes it took seeing Jaehyun- either curled up asleep on the armchair or standing next to the window with a cup of coffee in hand- for me to come crashing back into reality.
I learnt through my mother- who had attempted to fit the past 2 weeks of my unconsciousness along with the last 6 years into a 2 day crash-course- that Jaehyun was the only one who stayed at the hospital every day and night. My mother had stayed the first week, as my condition stabilised however, she opted to visiting daily. That also depended on whether my father was available to drive her 45 minutes to the hospital from home. You see, my parents were rational people, but I couldn’t help but feel a tinge of hurt. I mean I was laying unconscious on a hospital bed yet there were still other important stuff to be handled. Well, as they say, life goes on, right? Kind of made me think if I had just hallucinated the tears brimming in her eyes the other day.
While my mother would babble on about looking on the bright side and starting my life again, Jaehyun’s presence was like having a burden be lifted. I know I’ve lived most of our “acquaintence-ship” hating him, but I made a mental note to properly thank him for this in particular. On every occasion that my head felt like it was about to burst from the overwhelming information my mother was flooding me with, he’d interject, naturally bringing her focus to something other than trying to piece me back together. Often times he’d ask her to join him for a cup of coffee, or show her things he was currently working on. I’d close my eyes then and pretend to fall asleep.
“So, you’re saying, I should continue my life ‘as normal as possible’. Meaning?” We (the doctor and I) were currently in his office. By tomorrow morning I was finally leaving. Goodbye to the sanitary, boring hospital, hello to......well, life?
The doctor had explained all the procedures and follow-up appointments that were to come. Both to Jaehyun and I. Then, we talked about going home and that’s when I realised, home had changed. I don’t know how we had avoided addressing it, or maybe I was the only one in denial of it. I mean throughout the week after regaining consciousness, although Jaehyun was there, we barely talked. Mostly because I became a selective mute, and he, well I guess he was respecting my space?
Dr. Hwang had noticed the awkward silence that had passed after he mentioned about going home and quickly changed the subject, calling in a nurse to guide Jaehyun in signing my discharge papers or something. After he left, the doctor didn’t hesitate in putting on what I call his “uncle-face”.
“As normal as possible, meaning that it’s better if you return to your daily routines prior to the accident,” he explained for the nth time.
I fidgeted in my seat. “But, wouldn’t that cause me more distress? It’s a life a barely know.”
“Astrid,” he began, straightening his back. “I understand how hard it my be for you to wrap you head around all this. 6 years is a lot. But it is your life. Your experiences and memories throughout that period were real, and you deserve to remember them. You need to give your life a chance.”
Well, damn. He had a point. He should’ve been a therapist instead.
“And, what if my memories don’t come back?” I prodded.
“Well then, at least maybe you’ll learn more about yourself.”
Okay, then. Here we go, Astrid.
We live in a loft?!?!
Pretty sure my eyes were bulging out of my head but wow.
Eyes wandering around the space, I tried to take in everything at once. This was certainly NOT what I had expected. This can’t be real right? I must absolutely be dreaming.
“Welcome...home?” Jaehyun said.
My head snapped in his direction, mouth agape. He smiled sheepishly, his infamous dimples popping out, his hands tucked into his jean pockets, his shoulders lifted briefly. He looked like a child, shyly presenting to the world his greatest creation. I almost smiled. Almost.
“You like it?” he asked.
I scoffed. “For real?”
My eyes turned back to the space he had referred to as home. Well, it didn’t feel like home (yet. Remember Astrid we’re giving this a chance), but yes, I absolutely love it!
I took in my surroundings again and this time, couldn’t help the smile that crept up my cheeks.
The space was gorgeous. It was big, but not huge. It was small, but not tiny. It was spacious enough to have everything and more. There was an L-shaped sofa that could probably fit 5 or maybe even 7 people if squeezed in together. There were even 2 more smaller ones in front of it. Perfect for a small gathering. Opposite the living room was a kitchen, with a small kitchen island. God, I’ve always dreamed of having an island. There was another floor and at the stairs leading up to it were ceiling-high windows with a bumped-out seat, all set with pillows on one end and potted plants on the other. It looked like the perfect spot to read or stargaze at night. I walked into the living room, the brick walls were covered in framed movie posters and artwork, some smaller frames containing pictures which I guessed were probably a collection of memories.
I stepped closer and caught a glimpse of some familiar faces in unfamiliar settings. One photo caught my eye. It was a photo I remember, taken earlier this ye- I mean well, early 2017, right after graduation. I was sandwiched between Jungwoo and Ten, holding up a peace sign to the camera. Jaehyun on Jungwoo’s other side, hand around the latter’s shoulders. Others in the picture smiling widely, so many poses, so many expressions. Literally, it felt like yesterday.
“You remember that?” Jaehyun probed.
I smiled. “Yeah, just a couple weeks before Taeil’s birthday bash, right?”
Then, something flickered in my mind. Of Jaehyun, smirking at a table with his friends, of them exchanging words and laughter, of me hearing something I probably shouldn’t have. Jaehyun had many circles of friends, being the typical extroverted, super-friendly campus sweetheart. This circle was one I wasn’t quite familiar with, least to say I didn’t really like them. I felt my cheeks heat up as my blood boiled at the thought of that memory.
“You wanna see upstairs?” Jaehyun’s voice pulled me back into reality. I turned to look at him. He was standing right next to me, looking almost exactly the same as the Jaehyun I knew. The Jaehyun that I couldn’t stand being in the same room with. The Jaehyun that always had a competitive, mischievous glint in his eye. The Jaehyun that would take every chance he got to argue with everything I said. The Jaehyun that made me feel like I had to defend everything I had.
There was a slight difference, though. The competitive, mischievous glint was somehow...softer. It made me confused, because I was angry, but looking at him now, I don’t know who to be angrier at. Me, or him?
“Ummm, I think, I just- I just wanna lie down,” I tore my eyes away from him and took a step back, putting just a little more distance between him and I.
I saw his fists clench and unclench a bit at his sides. A moment passed until he said, “Yeah. Sure,” walking back towards the doors he picked up my hospital bag and gestured towards a room behind him.
“This is actually, um, our bedroom, but don’t worry, I’ve moved most of my stuff upstairs so this space is all yours,” dropping the bags on the bed, he stepped aside to allow me in. It was a beautiful room, with slanted windows, decorated with some more plants.
“So, feel free to look around, get used to the place and all. Oh yeah, um, this is the bathroom,” he opened a door on the left of the room, then gestured toward a closet in front of the bed, “Your pyjamas are in the top drawer and, uh, well, um, everything else is-”
“I’ll take a look,” I smiled at him briefly.
His eyes landed on mine for a moment, then quickly looked away.
“Yeah, okay, so um, I’ll be outside, if you need anything just, um,” his hands, one scratching at the back of his neck, the other gesturing undecidedly, “yeah.”
“Okay,” I said.
“Okay,” he replied. He stood there for a second, then turned to leave the room.
“Jeahyun?”
“Hmm?” he snapped his head towards me, eyebrows lifted in question.
“Thank you,” I breathed.
I saw a bit of tension leave his body. “You don’t need to thank me, Astrid,” he replied softly. “This is- this is your home too.” With a tight-lipped smile, he closed the door behind him.
#jaehyun#jung jaehyun#nct jaehyun#nct 127 jaehyun#nct u jaehyun#jaehyun jung#jaehyun fic#jaehyun fics#jaehyun au#jaehyun aus#jaehyun angst#jaehyun fluff#jaehyun x OC#jaehyun drabble#jaehyun drabbles#jaehyun imagine#jaehyun imagines#nct fic#nct fics#nct au#nct aus#nct angst#nct fluff#nct blurb#nct blurbs#nct imagine#nct imagines#nct 127#nct 127 au#nct 127 aus
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A Wonderful Life...
Okay so I know I didn't sign up for the DTs secret Santa project this year for many reason that I won't really bore every one with but I did want to put up something for Christmas. And I want to sort of dedicate it @promiseddifferent and to @rikareena both have been SO supportive and encouraging of me. I am still so new to writing but they have always been there to pump me up. So this is my little Christmas gift to them.
(So heres a little present for you guys!! @promiseddifferent and @rikareena)
Also I hope that everyone can enjoy this little story! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!! I wanted to put something happy and warm out there for everyone, its been a hell of a year for us all and the holidays is a time to remember that we should be thankful for the things that brig us joy and to cherish them. And for me Ducktales has been such a outlet and a way to get away from all of the craziness and anxiety inducing situations. So happy holidays, stay safe and be kind.
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A Wonderful life
The twins had at last been put to bed, a long day of playing out in the snow, baking Christmas cookies, and helping their uncle layout traps for Santa, it had been just the ticket to tuckering out a pair of rambunctious four year olds...it was also the key to keeping their minds off of how this Christmas would be different this year. This year instead of celebrating the holiday with their mother and father they would be celebrating with their uncle.
Scrooge sighed, pushing the unpleasant thought to the back of his mind there was no since in getting misty over events that he had no control over.
“Your brooding again.” A voice came.
Scrooge turned his gaze away from the fire burning in the harth to the woman who had spoken and locked eyes with her. “I don’t know what youre talken about he grumbled.
Goldie rolled her eyes before walking over to him and holding out a glass of scotch. “ Look i didn't agree to spending Christmas with you and the twin terrors just so you can sit here and brood in front of the fire like a moldy old codger.” she said with a slight annoyance in her tone.
Scrooge gave her a glare before talking the glass from her, mumbling inaudibly into the glass as he took a sip. Goldie rolled her eyes once more before sighing and taking a set on his lap and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “You know Christmas was Hortense’s favorite holiday after moving here to America, even more so after sailor boy and fly girl game into the picture. She would always get into the Christmas spirit, I remember her going on and on about why she loved the holiday, it was because it brought families together. You also know that she would clobber you for being a grinch, I can hear her now “Scroogie ya best not be moping about on my account! I'm counting on ya to be given my wee ones the best Christmas! So help me I’ll come back and string ya up by your tail feathers with garland I will!” Goldie said immitanting Hortense trying to lighten the mood.
Despite his sour mood Scrooge couldn't help but crack a small smile. “Aye, your right lass.” He said giving her waist a light squeeze.
“Of course I’m right, I'm always right.” Goldie replied before taking a sip of her whiskey. Now it was Scrooge's turn to do the eye rolling, but he knew it was best not to say anything. The two slipped into a comfortable silence as they sat in front of the roaring fire and enjoyed the comfort of one another's presence.
Goldie finished off the rest of her glass of whiskey before setting the glass down on the side table. “Well I think I’ll be turning in, it will be morning before we know it and the little hellions will be paying us a rude wake up call I am sure.” she said as she stood up from his lap. “Try not to brood too much longer, you know frowning causes wrinkles and you don't need any extra help in that department Sourdough.” She gave him a teasing wink before adding a kiss to his cheek as he grumbled under his breath, something that sounded awful like “Your one to talk” but she decided to let it slide since it was Christmas.
As Goldie exited the room and headed upstairs to turn in Scrooge once again went back to sitting in silence, watching as the fire danced along the longs, slowly sipping his drink. As he finished off the glass he sat the glass down on the side table as well before standing and going over to the book shelf and pulled out one of the books, it was old, worn, and leather bound photo album with a thick layer of dust on it.
Scrooge slowly made his way back over to his chair to sit down before carefully oping the album wincing as the spice creaked in protest. It was a old family photo album sprinkled with pictures of his parents and he and his sisters as children, there where not many photos, just the few that the family had been able to afford now and then, the pictures spanning years and years. He paused on one particular photo os he, Matilda, and little baby Hortense if he had to guess they where nine, five, and a few months old respectively. He was holding the little babe in his arms, he and Matilda had big smiles on their little dirt covered faces. Scrooge sighed heavily and blinked away the sudden sting in his eye, which he attributed to the dust. “Merry Christmas Tessie.” He said softly as he ran a finger over infants face, and made a mental note to call his parents, along with Matilda and Ludwig in the morning, knowing they would want to talk to the twins and he also admitted to himself that he was feeling a little home sick and wanted to hear the sound of his families voices.
Shaking off the feeling of gloom, Goldie was right he didn't need to be wallowing in things of the past, he stood up from the chair wincing as his joints cracked, he went back over to the bookshelf and put the album back, making another mental note to start showing the kids more of the old album and other photos of their mothers side of the family. He himself slowly made his way upstairs towards his bedroom.
When he arrived at the bedroom the lights where off and it appeared that Goldie had already fallen asleep. The only source of light was from the full moon reflecting off the snowing and sting in through the window. He quietly went towards the bathroom, after changing and brushing his teeth he silently made his way towards the bed, gently pulling back the covers and sliding into bed being carful not to wake the other occupant. Scrooge had just settled when Goldie rolled over to face him, he should have known she would still be awake.
“Hey.” Goldie spoke up softly, reaching over to gently turn his face towards hers, stroking his cheek with her thumb. “You okay?” she asked.
Scrooge couldn't help but smile at her rare moment of tenderness, he placed his hand over hers giving it a gentle squeeze. “Aye, don't you worry my darlin I’m fine...just thinking about how I’ll probably give my parents and Tilly a call tomorrow. I’m sure they will want to talk to Donald and Della.” He replied.
Goldie just looked at him for a moment trying to gage if he was telling the truth or not, finally she just nodded before scooting closer to lay her head on his chest. “Night Moneybags.” she said softy as she settled down.
Scrooge moved his arm to wrap around her shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze, tugging her closer and placing a gentle kiss into her golden locks...soaking in the warmth and comfort she always gave him. “Good night Goldie Girl.” he whispered before settling own himself.
It was some time after midnight when both Scrooge and Goldie where awoken by the distant sound, both where light sleepers and where always able to be awake and alert at the sound of a pin drop...you didn't get to live as long as they did by letting your guard down even in sleep. They laid still and listened for a moment, the sound came once again. Goldie frowned and went to sit up but Scrooge held her tightly in place. “Is it Santa?” She mouthed. Scrooge frowned listing for a moment before the frown slowly melted into a knowing smile, before he could reply the bedroom door opened and two small figures appeared in the doorway. Before they knew it Donald and Della where standing at the foot of the bed.
Not bothering to wait for a invitation Della crawled up on the bed before turning to help Donald up on to the bed as well. Scrooge had an amused expression on his face as he watched the kids and also the annoyed look on Goldie's face.
“Is there something we can help you with?” He asked sitting up slightly, as Della crawled up to the head of the bed and made herself comfortable between the adults sitting down close to her uncles side, just as Donald settled down close to Goldie side.
“Donnie had another nightmare and was to scared to go back to sleep. So told him that we should come find you and aunt Goldie cuz you two fight off monsters and bad guy all the time and would protect us,” Della explained.
“Is that true lad?” He asked looking as Donald, Scrooge could clearly see the dried tears on the little boys face. Donald only nodded his head in response.
“Well in that case I supposed you two can stay here tonight.” Scrooge said ignoring the look Goldie was sending him. “Your aunt Goldie and I will keep ya both safe.” he continued,
The two little ones quickly settled down and the adults fallowed soon after.
“Uncle Scrooge, can you tell a story?” Della asked struggling against her uncles side. When Scrooge glanced down he couldn't help but notice her eyes...his sisters eyes looking back at him. “Aye lass I suppose so, how about I tell you about how I urned the tittle Buckaroo of the Badlands?” He asked Della nodded excitedly, she loved to hear all about her uncles adventures and longed for the day she could grow up and be a great adventure just like him, but Della also liked to just listen to her uncle talk...because his accent reminded her so much of her mama.
Donald on the other had was more interested in Goldie having cuddled closer to her side. Goldie raised an eyebrow at the little boy. “Something I can help you with?” She asked when she notice him just looking at her. Though he didn't seem to acknowledge that she had spoken, instead with the thumb on his one hand in his mouth and with the other hand he reached out a graded onto a lock of her hair seeming truly intrigued. His aunt Goldies hair was so different then his mamas, his mamas hair had been a deep red, to match her temper, curly and thick, Goldie hair was soft, wavy, and the same shade of gold as the coins his uncles money bin. Goldie frowned for a moment but then sighed at least the little tike was being gentle and it seemed to be keeping him quite and content so she supposed it was worth the sacrifice. After a few moments she unknowingly began humming...an old, old lullaby...a distant and buried memory...one that tugged at the corner of her mind but she chose to ignore. Goldie would never admit it but the kids where pretty cute. She had begun to gently stroke the little boys forehead causing him to slowly drift off to dream land. Goldie glanced up at the same time Scrooge did, he had just finished his story. The couple locked eyes over the children’s heads both sharing a soft smile.
“Merry Christmas Scroogie, I love you.” Goldie whispered before shutting her own eyes.
“Merry Christmas my darlin...I love you too.” Scrooge whispered in reply before gently wrapping his arm around his family pulling them all close.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
#ducktales#dt17#donald duck#della duck#ducktales goldie#goldie o’gilt#scrooge mcduck#scrooge x goldie#scroldie
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Request for when requests are open! :D Can I have the RFA + Saeran and V who hurt mc kinda badly(mentally and/or physically) and they feel absolutely horrible and she just smiled and said shes not mad and then they feel so much worse and just want you to break up with them cuz they feel so bad but she just refuses and I have no idea where I'm going with this I just want some angst that dosen't end angsty so a happy ending please uwu thank you in advance!
RFA + Minor Duo with a Mc who is feeling horrible because of them but is just smiling it away (TRIGGER WARNINGS)
Woah, this hit me hard, haha. Don’t misunderstand please, hahah.
Like, Mc is totally me. I like this kind of angst with a happy end, hehe. Okay, now, please enjoy!
Jumin
He knew how unsure and bad you felt going to business parties with him.
Your husband knew perfectly well how uncomfortable you were between all those women who were dressed as if they’d never seen comfortable clothing.
You simply didn’t fit in, but you still gave your best.
With the presents he gave you, you always tried your best.
Your hair and make up was always done by a stylist to look the best and your clothes were only the finest.
But still, you didn’t fit in. You and other wives of high businessmen noticed.
And so it came that you stood in around a lot of gold diggers while one of them laughed at you.
One of the most powerful wives.
Right next to Jumin.
They hurt your feelings and made you feel miserable.
Your head began to spill as you thought about her words.
A panic attack was rising inside and you felt your breath becoming hastier.
You just waited for Jumin to defend you, something that never happened, making you feel even worse.
Why didn’t he defend you like he always did?
The horrible feeling of betrayal came over you.
,,Mc, I’m sorry for earlier-’’ Jumin began, but you cut him off immediately and smiled at him.
,,It’s okay,’’ you lied.
You thought that you were actually good at lying to people, but you weren’t good at acting.
The trembling lips, watery eyes… everything showed him that you were just lying.
Days passed and you were slowly losing yourself in solitude and pain.
You wanted to talk to him and build your relationship again but you were hurt.
You weren’t mad, but instead hurt.
And even though he asked you about it and you kept smiling it away, you wished that he would care about you a bit more.
,,Let’s divorce,’’ Jumin’s deep voice made you look up from your black screen on your phone.
,,What?’’ you asked him.
,,I hurt you. I caused you pain and I noticed. And since it’s my mistake and you don’t seem to trust me anymore, I want to make you happy and free you from myself… I-’’ Jumin was stopped by you hugging him and looking at him with teary eyes.
You didn’t want to make the mistakes you kept repeating.
You kept losing connections because of your feelings.
You began to explain what made you feel hurt and that there was no need for a divorce for that. You told him what you wished for.
You explained the issue to him and he understood.
,,I promise, I will stay loyal… I’m sorry that it hurt you so bad…’’ Jumin said on the couch and stroked your arm.
Zen
You kept pressing the heart on your phone on the bottom right of your phone.
Your handsome boyfriend was live on Instagram at the moment and you were more than proud to support him.
Suddenly everything went way too quickly.
A fan asked something mean about you and Zen laughed it off.
More fans began to add something mean and Zen just began to read them out loud, without trying to stop them.
Your heart was aching to the point where dizziness overcame you, making you feel cautious.
You turned off the phone and tried to control your breathing.
With all your might you tried to stay calm.
With your head pressed in your pillow, you tried to swallow your tears.
Zen never noticed.
Days passed and you began to act more distant towards him.
Zen tried to approach you a few times in a row, but you always smiled at him and turned away.
All you did was your job with him and cook.
Afterwards, you fell asleep next to him, not making him feel any affection or love.
,,Mc, is everything alright between us?’’ he asked you.
You nodded without saying anything and walked into the kitchen.
,,You sure? Are you mad?’’ he asked you, following you to the kitchen.
Now was your chance.
Now you could tell him about your problem.
But all you did was smile at him and shake him off.
However, a few days later, Zen began to feel bad.
It was as if it wasn’t right anymore.
,,Mc,’’ he spoke up.
,,Mc, let’s just stop it… I can’t handle it anymore,’’ he whispered, tears in his eyes.
You were sobbing too.
,,No…’’ you tried to tell him.
,,I’m just hurting you. I’m not good enough for you. Yoosung… and Luciel told me what may have caused you to feel like that and… they were right. I’m sorry… how could I hurt you like that? All I just wanted was the discussion to die down so that no one would attack you, but instead I was the one who attacked you... ‘’ Zen sobbed harder.
Now the two of you were crying messes as you hugged each other.
,,I’m sorry!’’ you cried.
,,Sorry for not trying hard enough to talk about it…! I was just so hurt and thought that you needed a little payback, but the more I kept ignoring you, the more I felt hurt and actually thought about your actions and… gosh!’’ you laughed as you tried to dry your tears.
,,I love you, but you hurt me. It was a shitty thing to do!’’ you hissed in tears.
,,I know,’’ he mumbled and nuzzled his head in your neck.
,,I know, I am so sorry…’’ he apologized.
,,I will do better. I promise.’’
Yoosung
The soft-touch of your husband made you close your eyes as you enjoyed the loveable feeling.
Suddenly Yoosung commented something, causing a stabbing pain in your heart.
Your feelings were hurt.
,,I wish I could see Rika and touch her like this again… why can’t Rika be here?’’ he asked you.
You felt as if you had a lump in your throat.
You tried to tell yourself that he didn’t mean it like that; that Yoosung was just missing an important person to him.
Yoosung wasn‘t in love with Rika, but amazed by her. You tried to tell yourself that his words had no romantic meaning.
However, it already happened and you felt hurt.
As if you had no value, Yoosung was missing someone else, not you.
,,I need to tidy up the kitchen,“ you spoke up and tried to get away from his comfortable embrace.
Yoosung just looked back at you.
And even though he would have liked to stop you, he didn’t do anything.
And you walked off even though you would have liked to tell him how you felt.
That’s why the two of you began to live with loneliness because neither of you dared to speak up.
With a throbbing heart and too many emotions to handle, your daily life was hard to deal with.
As you had the feeling that you couldn’t handle the loneliness anymore, Yoosung spoke up with a bag in his right hand and a sad smile on his lips.
,,Why?’’ you asked him. Your voice was trembling and your heart was breaking into pieces.
But you were still alive and you could still feel the throbbing pain in your chest.
,,I realized that I may have hurt you with my words… and I finally came to understand that I am just hurting you. I am a pain to you. I treated you as if you were the second Rika in the RFA and then I wished for her with you by my side… I’m no good for you,’’ he told you and was about to leave when you grabbed his sleeve and let a sob escape your mouth.
,,I love you. You hurt me. I’m sorry. I felt bad. I felt as if I wasn’t good enough for you, I was sad and angry. I am sorry for not telling you but… if you leave now… I won’t be able to keep going… I will smile but I will break apart from the inside…’’
Yoosung quickly hugged you and begged you to talk to him and so you guys sat on your couch and talked about the issue.
Jaehee
The coffee shop was her holy place.
Accidentally, you left the water flowing in the bathtub, not noticing how the water flowed down the stairs from the apartment into the coffee shop.
The accident was done and the damage was way too big for the two of you to handle.
The fire department came as quickly as possible to help you guys while you tried to save what you could.
Jaehee just kept mumbling weird things, angry about your mistake.
,,I’m sorry, Jaehee,’’ you tried to tell her, but these words didn’t mean anything to her.
,,You know, it’s really shitty,’’ she kept hissing.
,,You know, Jaehee, it’s true that it was my mistake, but talking in such a negative way won’t help with the damage. Let’s just work and then look at the damage together, okay?’’ you tried to stay positive and happy.
You tried your best to not make her angry and just calm her down.
Unfortunately, it didn’t work out at all and the two of you began to yell at each other, fighting as if there wasn’t an end.
,,You don’t know a thing! You didn’t work hard all your life! You can’t handle anything!’’ she yelled at you, making you feel deeply hurt.
So that’s what she thought of.
You smiled and nodded, picking up something from the floor and just ignoring her comment.
,,Sorry, Mc… I didn’t mean to-’’
,,Don’t worry, Jaehee. It’s okay,’’ you lied.
You kept smiling, but you still somehow managed to lose contact.
Jaehee and you didn’t talk a lot anymore and never ever touched each other after that day. It was as if you were strangers.
This was until Jaehee really felt that she was going to lose you.
The daily request was making her sad. She didn’t want to care anymore as long as you were still lying that everything was okay.
,,Let’s break up. I’ll give you half of everything,’’ she told you.
Shocked by her words, you looked up.
,,Why?’’ you asked her.
Another argument erupted between the two of you and suddenly you began to cry, ,,You hurt me with your comment even though I just made a mistake! You could have done the same as me, but I would have never told you the words you said to me!’’
,,Okay! You’re right, Mc, but I apologized but you-’’’
,,JAEHEE, THE WORDS YOU TOLD ME CAN’T BE UNSAID!’’ and finally, she realized too.
,,I’m sorry… Let’s handle the issue...-’’ and you guys finally talked it out.
Saeyoung
,,Let me see your phone,’’ your boyfriend ordered you when you once again began to cry with the phone in your hand.
,,No…’’ you mumbled, scrolling through the messages some people were sending you.
Your boyfriend was already getting pissed that strangers bugged you, but the annoyance grew when you tried to hide it from him.
He just wanted to help you.
And so he just took your phone from your hands and read your messages.
,,You know, you shouldn’t answer these things in the first place! You should have acted differently! This is your fault!’’ he hissed.
His words hit you hard as you tried to register what he just told you.
Was he being serious?
Your heart began to break into thousands of pieces as you grabbed your phone again and vanished into your shared bedroom to let go of a few tears.
Sadness was hitting you hard.
It hurt so much. It was your fault that people attacked you? This was really his opinion?
You were scared, stressed, and worried and all you did was try to protect yourself, but instead of helping you, he kept criticizing you?
For yourself, you decided to never ever share something like this with him.
You always smiled and hid your sadness just to protect yourself.
A few hours later, you smiled again and when Saaeyoung asked you if you were alright and tried to apologize, you shook your head, telling him that everything was perfectly fine.
But it wasn’t.
Your boyfriend kept observing you.
You stopped talking freely, you didn’t mention the texts anymore and stopped telling him some stories.
All you did was live together with him and whenever he tried to approach you, you smiled and told him that you were alright.
One day, after Saeyoung saw you sobbing in the bedroom while you thought that you were alone, he decided to hack your phone and check all your messages, finding out that you were still bothered and that you were actually in huge pain.
He was angry.
It wasn’t with you, but with yourself because he knew what triggered you.
Guilt overcame him.
Why did he do that? Why did he say all those things…?
,,You really want to break up?’’ you asked him while he was looking at the floor.
,,Yes. I can’t handle seeing you like this,’’ he whispered.
,,Saeyoung Choi, for God’s sake tell me what you want from me,’’ you whispered.
,,You said it was my fault so I changed whatever the trigger was, but this still wasn’t enough for you? Now you want to leave me?’’ you asked him, laughing ironically.
,,No… I didn’t mean it like that… I… I’m sorry. You were in pain and I hurt you even more. I didn’t help you and I didn’t support you. I’m sorry,’’ he finally looked up, seeing that you yourself began to cry.
,,I’ll forgive you, but we need to talk again… You hurt my feelings and you triggered me…’’ you whispered.
,,I’ll do everything for you as long as you’re happy,’’ he nodded and kissed you.
Saeran
You and Saeran were stressed.
Saeyoung’s whereabouts were still undiscovered and his father was still free.
There were still so many things you guys had to do or change.
But of course you guys shouldn’t leave your own health out of your eyes because of that.
And so you tried your best to take some time for Saeran and prepared a relaxing day.
You changed some things in his room, thinking that it would make him happy, not thinking that he would totally hate it.
So the time came when your boyfriend Saeran came home from Jumin’s place and saw what you did. He began to flip out.
You tried to explain why you did it and that you really meant no harm.
But your words weren’t heard.
,,TELL ME THE TRUTH!’’ he yelled at you.
You hated it when someone yelled at you.
You just couldn’t stand it.
,,Tell me the truth that you’re trying to sabotage me!’’ he hissed.
You felt hurt by his assumption.
,,Why should I?’’ you asked him, shocked by what he was trying to tell you.
,,Because you didn’t want me to find him. You want me to stay alone with you! Tell me the truth! That’s what you’re trying to do!’’ he hissed at you.
You opened your mouth to say something, but stopped and instead closed it again and smiled at him. ,,That’s not true. This is all inside your head, Saeran… Let’s calm down, mh?’’ you calmly asked him.
When Saeran finally calmed down and realized what he told you, he tried to excuse himself. However, it wasn’t necessary.
,,It’s okay, don’t worry,’’ you lied and patted his shoulder.
He actually trusted you the next three days until he heard you sighing in another room.
,,What did I do to make him say that?… I… Am I really so mean that he makes these assumptions? Am I really such a bad person?’’ you mumbled to yourself and got on your knees to lay down your head on your knees.
Saeran observed how you desperately tried to find a reason for him to say those things.
And while Saeran observed you, he realized that he was the mean one all along.
He realized that he was the bad guy in the story who held you back from living your life.
It wasn’t you who was holding him back from finding Saeyoung.
Thinking of what to do next, he opened the door and entered the room, making you shriek and try to dry your tears.
,,Oh, Saeran, what’s up?’’ you asked him and smiled at him.
,,I hurt you again… can we break up?’’ he asked you.
Your eyes stayed glued on him until you began to tear up again.
,,Why…?’’ you asked him, sobbing a bit harder.
,,I’m no good for you, I didn’t mean to say those things and you said that it was okay even though it wasn’t,’’ he told you and grabbed your hand.
,,I am… you’re in pain again because of me,’’ he finally told you.
But you quickly hugged him and sobbed into his shoulder.
,,Yes, your comment hurt me deeply, Saeran. Why did you say it? I just wanted to help you, why did you hurt me so much…?’’ you asked him again.
,,You hurt me again. It hurts, but at the same time I love you… that’s not a reason for me to break up…!’’ you told him over and over again until he began to cry too.
,,Okay, I’m sorry… I was just angry and stressed out… I said that out of rage. It’s okay now… I’m sorry…’’
Jihyun
You couldn’t remember the reason for your behavior anymore.
All you knew was that Jihyun, your husband, said something hurtful to you in front of your adopted daughter.
And all you saw was black.
You saw your daughter looking at you and then going to her own room while you stayed back with Jihyun who acted as if there was nothing wrong with what he said.
And so the days passed.
Ever since it happened, Jihyun apologized to you three times.
And even though you accepted his apology, you were still off.
You were smiling, but at the same time you were in pain.
Whatever you did, whatever you were about to say, you thought back to that moment and tried to think about whether your action was okay or would lead to something bad.
But instead of telling him, instead of telling him that you were in pain, that you weren’t sure how to handle everything, you stayed silent and smiled at him.
Whenever he asked you how you were feeling, you just lied.
At some point, you and Jihyun both noticed that something was off between the two of you and after two weeks of lies and pain, you finally began to talk to each other.
,,I want to break up or at least take a break for a bit. You aren’t feeling well because of me,’’ he spoke up first.
,,That’s true. I’m feeling bad because of you at the moment, but I believe that if we take a break now, nothing will get better… Instead, we should talk. Now,’’ you firmly told him, trying to stop your lips from trembling and your voice to crackdown.
Well, when you looked away from Jihyun and then glanced back at him, you already noticed that you failed.
Suddenly, you were sobbing uncontrollably and you couldn’t stop yourself from panicking.
Jihyun suddenly hugged you. Tightly in his embrace, he whispered some comforting words and begged you to calm down.
,,I love you… I’m sorry that because of me you feel like that… I know that it was my mistake… I don’t know why I said these words. Please forgive me… I am sorry… but please don’t be in pain because of me anymore… okay? I really need you… I need you to stay happy…’’ he whispered, letting you cry all the sadness away into his shoulder.
MASTERLIST 1
MASTERLIST 2
MASTERLIST 3
30.06.2020// 22:34 MEST
#Trigger#trigger warnings#jumin han#jumin x reader#jumin x mc#zen hyun ryu#hyun ryu#zen x mc#zen x reader#Yoosung Kim#yoosung x reader#yoosung x mc#jaehee kang#jaehee x mc#jaehee x reader#saeyoung choi#saeyoung x mc#saeyoung x reader#seven x mc#seven x reader#707 x reader#707 x mc#luciel choi#luciel x reader#luciel x mc#saeran x mc#saeran x reader#saeran choi#jihyun kim#jihyun x reader
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Pour one out for all us yuki/kakeru shippers that find the relationship to have more depth and chemistry than yuki/machi but bc of the shojo culture, a not straight end game romance is impossible to have BUT I CAN DREAM! (minor spoilers ahead but like just to explain why this ship never came to fruition)
For reals tho I really do love Machi and her development and truly, she and Yuki have a lot in common and great character interactions, I just feel like Yuki also exudes gay and Kakeru (who also has a gf in the manga boooo but I love her) just loves teasing the hell out of Yuki and their bromance just would have made a better romance I think....
In general I think it has a lot to do with late 90s early 2000s shojo culture wherein LGBT content in Japan was more or less R18 by default and outside of jokes, it never played a role in big series
Hi. I can’t comment on yuki/kakeru having more depth and chemistry than yuki/machi since I’m not a manga reader & se03 hasn’t aired yet. Moreover, I’m not a shipper by nature but I enjoy analyzing literature, narratives & artistic media. So, I’ll approach your question from n analytical pov based on furuba’s content so far!
Reasons why I believe the writer went for machi/yuki end game rather than other yuki pairing:
It has to do with yuki’s goal in se01, ep.12. He stated that he wanted: (1)warmth, (2)friendship & (3)home:love. Ever since that ep, the writer has been moving yuki steadily towards that goal. 3 sub goals meaning yuki’s journey will have 3 parts. If it was all found in kakeru, then yuki’s journey will be cut short for him. Yuki needs to interact with 3 different types of ppl to achieve his goal. This way his growth will be more wholesome & complete.
Yuki’s aspiration is centered around: friendship just like how kyo’s aspiration is centered around: love/family. From the beginning yuki wanted to “befriend kyo”, he envied kakeru & kyo for how easy ppl befriend them without the two needing to wear a fake mask or pretend to be kinder. We even saw how kyo was annoyed by his two buddies who tease him all the time, yet he allowed them to be near him. Yuki was shown craving that exact scene. Yuki got it. Kakeru teasing him & annoying him, yuki allowing kakeru around. Kyo has friendship but he doesn’t crave it, what he craves is a family that love him for who he is without fear or disgust. His family went thro extreme methods to leave him: (mom: suicide, dad: repulsive hate). kyo’s desires a family who’d want to stay with him, be always together with him by choice. He’s got kazuma, but kazuma chose baby kyo first, kyo needs to choose love by himself, that’s why tohru loving him isn’t important, it is kyo’s love for her that should free him from his trauma. Exactly like kakeru’s friendship with yuki freed him. Cuz yuki chose kakeru as his friend by himself. Yuki has haru who befriends/cares for him. But it IS kakeru who yuki chose to know. These two boys (yuki/kyo) will be freed by choosing their own aspiration in life by themselves.
Yuki/machi doesn’t need to be deep or extremely meaningful. I believe furuba presents different kinds of romance & friendship. (Kaker/yuki: best friends who know everything abt each other & share secrets, stay friends forever: amazing friendship), (kyo/his two buddies: best friends who are casual, don’t share secrets or deep personal info but can be friends forever if they chose: amazing friendship). (kyo/tohru: roommates to best friends to lovers, the change is very slow since you can’t decipher if you care cuz you treasure them or care cuz you fancy them, confessing can mean loosing the other if the feelings aren’t reciprocated & you can become awkward afterwards. but if love is mutual then: happiness!). (yuki/machi: from strangers to lovers. machi isn’t close to yuki much as she rarely talks or engage in the groups shenanigans but yuki is noticing her as an individual person & is attracted to her, if the feelings are mutual then it is a fast romance with the majority of knowing each other happens while dating: happiness!).
I personally believe that “ transforming after hugging someone from the opposite sex is a gimmick. The synopsis of the show says nothing abt child abuse, trauma, coming of age, youth struggle. It simply poses as a romantic comedy that tricks you watch the show. Honestly, the animal transformations stop as soon as “ the zodiac intro ep ” is over & they’re all comedic in nature except 3 times. One is the true form which is the manifestation of trauma & abuse, followed by kyo willingly hugging tohru in an emotional wrap of the night’s truma, even the transformation smoke is not shown as it’ll lessen the emotional weight, we just see kyo in cat form in her lap. The other two are momiji’s after tohru hugs him in Se01 after his mom’s reveal & se02 after akito’s abuse & it’s done to comfort poor baby momiji.
I wished that yuki’s romance doesn’t happen much onscreen & more like it’s sth he’ll be able to do once he graduate high school cuz yuki has just “left the nest” a while ago, I’d want to see more “normal yuki” as opposed to yuki in stage 3: love. but all is good. The writer already set her goal from ep.12.
I know that you probably didn’t want to hear my boring analysis & I’m not criticizing you at all. I believe fans are free to ship whoever. I wish I was like you, but I usually look at the show as a story unfolding in front of me & I’m extremely fascinated by onscreen /canon dynamics & relationships as they’re my insight into the author’s mind! To see through the author’s eyes is highly fascinating to me! but this doesn’t mean I won’t criticize the authors at times.
Thank you for the ask!
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a sort of organised analysis of The Gifted characters:
pt 2: Wave
(this analysis includes episodes 1-13 of season one and 1-7 of season two, so it probably isn’t completely accurate, but i tried my best. also please excuse my shitty grammar and spelling if I noticed it i would’ve fixed it lmao)
Characteristics and qualities in the beginning of season 1
I’m writing this while listening to love score on loop lmao so if smth I write makes no sense I blame it on nanon’s high note. RAK TER DAI REBLAOW. okay so in episode one Wave just seems like that classic draco malfoy mean dude with his whole wIpE mY fReAkInG fOoT bullshit. But wait... what’s this??? an egotistical personality that comes from past trauma??? yep, lmao. But we’ll talk more about that in the next section.
Throughout the show, Wave displays his ego very clearly, but he also show’s his intelligence. I don’t think i need to explain but in case you need examples: first discovered his potential and revealed it, solved the problem from the academic competition punn was in, almost beat all of the gifted squad when he had the plan to “leak” the gifted program info (he could’ve done it if pang didn’t use his potential, which wave didn’t know the details of, unlike the rest of his classmates), did a research project in eighth grade that was plagiarized to be used as a MASTERS(?) DEGREE THESIS. Bitch is smart as fuck, on contrary to Pang, who also has an inflated ego. (I will discuss how their egos are different in the next part). His intelligence isn’t only academic, but he’s also street smart, and he knows how to provoke people (like when he came back at ohm’s joke + when he provokes punn)
Wave doesn’t really show a lot of depth in the beginning, but to sum it up: ego, smart, kinda cocky and wants to be the best, doesn’t seem to trust anyone, very straight forward/has a level of confidence, cool/mysterious so I don’t really mind him being mean cuz im interested in his back story.
okay lets move one to where wave has a backstory and development.
Characteristics and qualities from episode 9 - 12 of season 1
Wave... was mentally/emotionally groomed when he was in eighth grade and had his work plagiarized. Yeah. On top of that, he’s an orphan with grandparents/guardians who don’t provide him enough emotional support for him to develop properly as an adolescent. These traumatic experiences affected him in so many ways.
In the flashbacks, we see Wave being shy, introverted, and he lacks the confidence he has in the present. His eighth grade self lacks self confidence, since a majority of the adults in his life have told him that he was dumb/he wasn’t good enough. On top of that, he has no emotional support (adults or peers) to seek help from and was probably very lonely for a long time. Well, if Wave is in M4 (aged 15-16) in season 1, and he was in lower secondary school in the flashbacks (probably M3, aged 14-15), which means that his personality changed/developed pretty quickly. What triggered this change you ask? MS. NARA. THE BITCH AND ONLY. FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT WHO I HATE AND WANT TO DROP KICK.
Let’s talk about Ms. Nara, shall we? To say the least, she mentally/emotionally groomed Wave into trusting her, and even having a crush on her. She encouraged him to do work that she would eventually plagiarize for her masters degree thesis. That’s the shit she did. Fucking bitch I hate her. And Wave trusted her really easily because again, he significantly lacked emotional support, so once he received it, he was very welcoming of it. This allowed for ms. bitchass to groom him more easily. She praised his talent, spent a lot of time with him, encouraged him to do more, and brought his ego up. Her effect on Wave stuck with him, since it wasn’t really that long ago, and he could even remember little words/phrases she would say. “You talk big game, huh?” is one of the things she said to Wave, and when Namtaan said the same thing to him, you could see him thinking back to those times with ms. bitchass. lmao almost everyone in this show has trauma. Now, when Wave decided to expose ms. bitchass for buying her bachelors degree and get her fired, that shows basically where he became like the wave from season 1. He wanted to win against her. He couldn’t let her get away with what she did to him. After all, isn’t he extremely talented? Despite him disposing of ms. bitchass, he still took in her words of encouragement and praise. He still believed it all. But after she “betrayed” him, he must’ve felt that perhaps she was lying... so in turn, he had to prove that he indeed was talented by getting back at ms. bitchass.
Ah yes, Wave is indeed a cocky motherfucker. But his ego can be easily tarnished by adults. The reason why I say adults, is because I don’t think he has ever felt threatened by a gifted student, other than Pang. When Punn tried to provoke him by saying he didn’t get head student, Wave didn’t give a shit cuz he knew (thought) he was better. But when Director Supot says “Wasuthorn im disappointed in you” and shit like that, Wave listens to it and gets pissed as hell. A lot of these behaviors come from his trauma with Ms. Nara. If you look at almost any internal conflict he has, it can be traced back to his self-worth and/or trust issues that stemmed from Ms. Nara.
I don’t think I’ll need to explain this much but Wave’s need to win at everything is basically to prove to everyone (but actually just to himself) that he’s better/more talented than everyone else again because of his past trauma and how he had almost no emotional support.
Okay now I’m gonna talk about his relationship with Pang and their trust. This is the part where I’ll get the most wrong cuz episode 9 of tgg just fucking came out and im rushing cuz i wanna watch it. Again, unlike other peers, Pang reaches out to Wave as an equal, and they have an agreed ideal. Fuck the school system, it just makes kids feel bad about themselves and give them trauma. At first, I think Wave trusted Pang because of his idealistic and almost naive outlook on the world; he just seemed good, and like he genuinely wanted to do something to better people. However, in the end his ideals and beliefs to align with Pang’s exactly. No one wanted to give up their potentials for their own reasons, Wave’s being to protect his breakable ego. lmao this is getting messy im so sorry welp lets move on.
Characteristics and qualities from season 2, until episode 7
Wave trusts Pang. He says it to Time. It’s made clear in the beginning. But when Pang decides on things on his own and tries to find Korn on his own, Wave starts to see a pattern. Pang (unknowingly) only comes to Wave when he needs help with something regarding doing the right thing blah blah blah hero complex shit. and like Wave said, once he doesn’t agree with Pang, he just does everything on his own, like his view is the only correct one.
Lets take Korn for example. Or the whole “there’s an imposter among us” drama. Wave was the one with the braincell in the moment. He was the one to conclude that they could be someone within the group who betrayed them. He looked at the situation logically, while Pang was looking at it idealistically. This is what separates them and causes friction between them. Wave can separate and balance his ideals/logic/emotions, while Pang’s ideals/logic/emotion are all smushed together and combined.
Last point: his last fight with pang (episode 7) was a valid one. Wave was hurt af. and i think he started to see Pang as another Ms. Nara. The difference here is that Pang is a kid, and he’s also unstable, so they’re both affected by what he’s doing. It is possible that Punn used Pang’s potential on Wave, but it wouldn’t be out of character if the fight came up naturally.
Summary
Has an inflated, yet breakable ego
does what he can to prove that he’s talented/good enough to protect his ego from shattering
trust issues (stemming from Ms. Nara)
a smart boi
he can balance his ideals/logic/emotions most of the time
Sees Ms. Nara in everyone, compares all of his relationships to the one between him and Ms. Nara
Genuinely cares for people and is afraid to lose the emotional support he has (since he lacked so much of it in his childhood)
A smol bean that must be protected
Cocky
could probably be the villain to a superhero movie if he wanted to
#wave#wasuthorn#tgg#the gifted#the gifted graduation#tgg spoilers#charater analysis#the gifted series#chimon wachirawit#the gifted wave#sorry its messy and a little rushed lmao
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Hey, dear! So I have a question. Do you have an opinion on Tenko? (yes more questions because why not) ~Mod Maki
Heya~! I sure do! And don't worry about asking questions cuz I love answering them!
Fair warning: This will be long as fuck.
Tenko
Tenko is a very solid character with very entertaining and interesting traits that set her apart from most of her peers. She also has a plethora of flaws that would've been enjoyable to see her overcome, and no, I'm not just talking about her drooling and her hatred of men.
Speaking positively, Tenko is a very upbeat person who likes to help others and protect them as best she can, not taking dumb risks with her life but also not unwilling to step up for the sake of others if the need arises. She's very passionate and energetic about things and gives her all for the sake of the things she's interested in, proving to be a very dedicated disciple. An unfortunately lesser known fact about her is that she's very sensitive to the emotions of others and can be seen both giving very wise, heartfelt advice to others while trying her best to uplift them or reflecting on their views of her. She has a genuinely interesting and unique past that adds a lot of depth to her character and brings up struggles that you never would have guessed she had. She also expresses interesting points, morals, and concerns relating to the killing game that make it feel as if she is actually immersed in the setting (which a few v3 characters sadly lack.)
Strong in both body and heart, courageously willing to tackle challenges, and earnestly wanting to improve herself with a zeal that few other members of the V3 cast can match; Tenko has a lot of positive qualities that make her likable, if not lovable.
Having said that, she also has quite a few flaws, but I don't think that they detract from her character. In fact, I think they add quite a bit to her– ...most of them anyway. For now though let's just talk what her flaws actually are: Tenko is a loud, gullible, obnoxious girl who is quick to point fingers at people she finds suspicious (usually men) and will casually insult people she doesn't like. She's self conscious about a lot of things, including her looks, her volume, and her rambunctiousness. Most prominently, she's also very, uh, drooly over Himiko.
Her self consciousness, willinglyness to improve, and past are by far the best of her traits, because of the amount of positive potential for development and intrigue they add to her character.
Her parents sent her to her dojo because they didn't want to deal with their annoying daughter, so they sent her away making her extremely self conscious about the way she acts to this day. With the help of her master she tries her best to work on those traits so that she can become the refined and elegant type of woman that she idolizes due to the standards set by her parents.
Obviously she's still a major work in progress, but it's supremely refreshing to see a character that's already working on themselves instead of yet another girl with trauma being fixed by someone else, most likely by falling in love with a man *cough cough Maki cough cough*. I'm a big fan of self improvement stories simply because they're usually shunted to the side in favor of yet another fixer-upper story, and while that's my own preference, it truly does work in Tenko's favor because it makes her seem that much more natural. She has clear motivations that believably influence her personality and flaws with a set path to self improvement that she's already walking and will continue to walk of her own volition for her own sake.
Her drooly-ness is obviously her worst trait, not only because it's based on gross stereotypes or because it makes Himiko uncomfortable, but because if literally goes against the rest of her character. All of her other traits are cohesive and mesh well with each other, but her most defined flaw runs counter to everything she stands for.
She's shown as someone very conscious of the way others view her –to the point of putting herself down when others compliment her– and very intuitive/sensitive to the feelings and thoughts of others. There is no way for Tenko to not have noticed that she was making Himiko uncomfortable and there is no way that Tenko, who is already very self concious about the way she acts and has a character entirely based on improving herself for the sake of that self consciousness, wouldn't stop as soon as she realizes that she's acting the same way she condemns men for acting. It goes against everything her character stands for and all of her core personality traits.
I'm not saying that it should be ignored –because it shouldn't, unwanted advances are definitely something to be critical of– however this inconsistency is definitely something that was shoehorned in to make her into a ~qUiRkY~ character rather than anything born of her canon personality. It's not a trait authentic to Tenko, but rather something tacked on in order to portray a ~wAcKy~ archetype as danganronpa so often loves to do with it's characters.
Wrapping this up, the moments where I think Tenko truly shined and where her traits showcased in the best possible way were when she infiltrated the student council and planned to convince Angie to stop with the help of Shuichi and Maki, the moment when she talks to Shuichi after he takes off his hat and she tells him that she also wants to fulfill Kaede's wish and tells him to never go back on the progress he's made, and of course her FTEs.
The first one because it was an interesting solution to a very valid concern, the second one because it shows off her compassion and empathy better than most scenes with her do, and the third one because it focuses on her past where she is flawed and then the present where she is still working on those flaws, showing both a determination to change and also just adding some really enriching context that explains Why Tenko is The Way She Is in a very well written way.
All in all, I love Tenko for who she is and while I acknowledge that her actions towards Himiko are canon and should definitely be criticized despite any well-meaning intentions she might have had, I don't believe it was core to her character or even in-character in the first place. Tenko, in my eyes, is a girl in the middle of working on herself with a genuinely moving and entertaining in-between phase with flaws that never fails to make me smile with her caring and bright demeanor. I love this girl and genuinely think that she would have been a more compelling, amusing, and fascinating character with better development potential than the survivors of V3 combined.
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Breath Control, Chapter Seven
An A Court of Mist and Fury College Swim Team AU
All characters belong to SJ Maas!
Feysand.... and welcome to Elriel.
Warnings: cursing
Let me know if you want to be tagged!
Authors Note: This chapter is a BIG gateway chapter to a lot of things. . . also VERY lightly edited... and enjoy the new POV shift... ;)
Masterlist Link!
SEVEN
~~~Elain~~~
It was around 9 am. I’d been in the kitchen for an hour already, trying to decide what to make for breakfast. I’d started making pancakes, then switched to waffles, then omelets. I’d be set on my decision for as long as it would take me to pull out all the ingredients for my choice, then I’d change my mind, put everything back, and pull a bunch of different things out.
My father walked in at around 9:30, as I was pulling the muffins I’d made from scratch out of the oven. I’d decided muffins were neutral enough that everyone in the house would like them and that I could make them well enough to everyone’s satisfaction. Nesta said I worked too hard to please people.
No clue where she got that idea. . .
“Is no one else up?” my father said.
I shook my head. “Just me and the muffins.”
He took one, buttered it, and made to sit down. He seemed to think better of it, though, because he set his muffin down and stood up straight. “I’d better go wake Feyre. I want to ask her about all those paint cans and supplies she’s left in the garage, and someone has to be here to eat these muffins. Best to do it know while Mr. Night sleeps; I know how sensitive that girl can be about her painting.”
I nodded, standing alone at the counter before I remembered.
“Dad, Dad, Dad! Let me wake up Feyre. I--um--”
He was halfway up the stairs when I caught up to him, pausing to look down at me. I went with the oldest trick in the book. “Girl stuff.” I widened my eyes meaningfully. “Best if I check up on her first.”
I prayed my father didn’t see through my very feeble attempt to make him uncomfortable. But it worked. He clicked his tongue and descended the staircase. “I’ll take your word for it, Elain. Hurry down. And tell Feyre to hurry too…”
It was like he knew. Oh Feyre was so going to owe me.
I bounded up the stairs, not slowing until I was at the top of Feyre’s own narrow staircase. I knocked and entered, ready to get a kick out of what was about to happen.
“Oh, Feyreeee, Dad needs you downstairs.”
Nothing for a few moments. I thought I heard whispers but from where I stood, I couldn’t see anything besides the large lump of her white bed coverings. “I guess I could send Dad up here…”
The whispering became clearer, now, and I made out something like, “Shut up!” and “I’ll handle it” and “Calm the fuck down.”
Feyre suddenly appeared in a very large t-shirt and nothing else. “Thanks, ‘Lain.” She practically hissed my name. She stalked across the floor toward me. “How’d you know?” She murmured.
“Got up for a glass of water last night. Saw Rhysand’s ass as it cleared the top of the staircase. Figured I’d save you from Dad’s wrath.”
Feyre rolled her eyes. “We didn’t do anything. And Dad has no right to dictate what I can and can’t do.”
“Obviously not,” I agreed. “But he could make things very awkward.”
“True. We’ll--I’ll--be down in a second. Please don’t tell Nesta. She’d be unbearable.”
“Tell me what?” A voice like iron floated across the small landing.
Feyre shut her eyes and I cringed. Nesta’s judgment might be worse than our father’s.
“Hey, Nesta,” Feyre said guiltily.
“Feyre. Hi Rhys!” Nesta raised her voice imperceptibly.
A tan hand rose from the bed. “Why the fuck do you have so many sisters, Archeron?”
The light that shone behind Feyre’s eyes was like nothing I’d ever seen before. In either of my sisters’ faces. Or my own. I bit back my own grin. After Tamlin, and the shitty year Feyre had had, I just wanted her to be happy. And Rhys was so good-natured. Didn’t hurt that he was hot, too. She deserved to look all happy despite being caught out by her two older sisters.
“I’d get downstairs quick. And arrive separately.” Nesta was fighting back a laugh. “I can’t wait to hear Dad chew you out for your sex life. For once, it won’t be me.” She smiled wickedly.
“We didn’t--I didn’t--get out!” Feyre screeched at us.
“You’re welcome,” Nesta and I said in unison, and we grinned at each other. Feyre pushed us out with surprising strength and slammed the door.
“That was fun.” Nesta started down the staircase first.
I was about to respond when my phone vibrated in my back pocket. I pulled it out.
Azriel: Mooorning
“Who’s that?”
“Huh?”
“Don’t play dumb.” Nesta dropped her voice to a low whisper as we descended the main staircase and headed for the kitchen. “You’re grinning like an idiot, and not in the ‘I just caught my sister with a boy in her bed in my dad’s house’ way you were earlier.”
“Uh, just looking at a meme.” Weak.
“Because you spend so much time scrolling through memes.”
Thankfully, Nesta let the subject drop. I honestly wished she hadn’t. Everyone had been treating me like a fragile piece of glass since the whole Greyson debacle. And while, yes, I wasn’t quite ready to share that I’d been secretly talking to Azriel for the past two months… I was strong enough to handle some sisterly teasing, or even fatherly teasing. Or any kind of teasing.
Instead, everything was, “Oh, Elain, your cookies taste so good!” and, “Oh, Elain, the garden looks wonderful!” and, “Oh, Elain, how’s nursing school?” Nobody wanted to talk about anything real with me, because they thought I wasn’t ready. And if I was the one to start down that road, they’d continue to tread on ice around me and just be grateful I was talking at all. Too grateful to really listen to what I had to say.
Which was why I’d downloaded a dating app two months ago, swiped right on all of two guys before I’d found someone worthy of deleting the app immediately after we started messaging. It’d been a constant stream of texting and snapchatting ever since, even if we hadn’t met up in person yet. My romantic past, Azriel’s loner tendencies, and the fact that he was one of Rhys’s best friends and Feyre’s teammate had made us decide to take things slow. But seeing how happy Feyre was with Rhys--and she didn’t even know it quite yet--made me think that I should tell my sister and then get Azriel to take me out.
That would certainly surprise everybody. Elain made of glass, indeed.
Before I could lose my nerve, I texted Azriel back. Sliding my phone back into my pocket, I reentered the kitchen with a smile on my face, trying not to ponder on the message I’d just sent.
Elain: I’ve been thinking. . . We should meet up… Face to face.
Elain: Like on a date.
I got a response within a moment and didn’t need to check my phone to know what it said.
Azriel: Hell yes.
~~~FEYRE~~~
I slammed the door shut. I looked behind me to find Rhys, breathtakingly shirtless, propped up on one elbow behind me.
“What are the chances that both of your lovely sisters keep their mouths shut about this? Cuz I have a feeling even a mutual love for collegiate athletics won’t stop your father from kicking me out of the house for staying the night in your room.”
I slumped onto the bed and he was suddenly there, filling all the empty space in the room as he hovered over me. I closed my eyes, fighting back a smile. “They’ve had their fun. Sisters don’t snitch.”
He rested his forehead against my shoulder. “Great. Not that I care about you, of course. I’m just very concerned about where I’ll have Thanksgiving dinner if your dad kicks me out.”
I sat up and pushed him back against the blankets all in one motion. “You take that back,” I said playfully.
“Make me.”
“How about I go down there and confess to my dad before Nesta or Elain can rat us out? Then I’d be rid of your sorry ass much more quickly.”
“Feyre!” Elain’s voice floated up the stairs tauntingly, interrupting our flirting.
“This isn’t over, Archeron,” Rhys said threateningly.
I pointed to the door. “Go put on something presentable. Your hair’s a mess.”
He scowled. But he kissed me lightly on the lips before he left the room and I almost told him to forget about family breakfast and stay up here with me, instead.
------
The day passed in a blur. We spent the majority of it in the kitchen prepping for Thanksgiving lunch tomorrow afternoon. After a while, we all retired to the living room and marathoned the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Rhys sat next to me on the couch and as soon as it got dark enough outside that my father, Nesta, and Elain probably wouldn’t notice, he took my hand under our shared blanket and I set my head on his shoulder.
I stayed in his room that night, although we were both too tired to do much other than fall into bed after a day spent in the kitchen. I woke before him the next morning and tiptoed downstairs to let him sleep.
I found Elain and Nesta arguing in my kitchen.
“Why don’t you just tell me who he is,” Nesta was saying in a very low, very dangerous voice.
“Butt out, Nesta. It’s no one.”
“If it was no one, there’d be nothing for me to butt out of, now would there be?”
Elain was gripping the island countertop in the center of the kitchen. Nesta, surprisingly, was cooking up a huge skillet of scrambled eggs. It smelled as though they were starting to burn while her attention was focused on Elain.
Elain’s phone vibrated. “Who is he?” Nesta shrieked.
“Fuck off!”
“What’s going on?” I asked.
They both started speaking at once.
“Elain’s being stupid--”
“Nesta won’t stay out of my own fucking business--”
“Help me convince her--”
I held up my hands. “Oh, both of you shut up! Elain. Explain.”
Nesta mumbled something under her breath that I chose not to hear as Elain sighed. “Nesta thinks I’m talking to a boy. She thinks that she has a right to know who he is--if he even exists,” Elain added with an eye roll, “and that she deserves the right to approve. I told her to fuck off, but she’s not listening.”
I’d never heard so many “fucks” from Elain in one conversation. There was definitely a boy.
“Well, why don’t you tell us? After everything…”
Elain pushed herself back from the countertop, throwing her hands up in the air. “I’m not some fragile teenager who doesn’t know how to speak to boys! Despite what you think about how terribly broken I am after Greyson, I know what I’m doing! And now I don’t want to tell you even more. So leave me alone.”
She turned and pushed through the door that led from the kitchen to the side yard.
I looked at Nesta. She looked at me.
“She better be getting it reallll good to get so upset with us for asking about it,” Nesta said.
I took a seat at the barstools surrounding the island. “Do you think she. . . Do we really treat her like a teenager who doesn’t know how to speak to boys?”
“Maybe. But that’s because she doesn’t know how to speak to boys--or men, for that matter.”
Nesta thought she knew what was best for Elain--and she usually did. But Nesta also liked getting her way. When her way wasn’t Elain’s way. . . It was difficult for both of them. I resolved that no matter what Nesta thought, I’d try to give Elain some space when it came to her Mystery Guy. Even if I was dying to find out who it was.
“Speaking of boys. . .” Nesta began, but at that moment, Rhys stepped into the kitchen. Thank God. I didn’t know what exactly was going on between us at the moment. Discussing it with Nesta would be torture.
“Good morning,” I said brightly as Rhys took a seat beside me.
“Is it?” He asked. Nesta had turned around to find her eggs burnt to a crisp, ignoring Rhys entirely.
“What’s wrong?”
Rhys leaned his elbows on the counter. “My father called. He’s in town. And wants me to spend the weekend with him in my hometown.”
I couldn’t help the fear that gripped me at his words. Was he just making this up because he wanted to escape me? I struggled to keep my voice steady. “Where’s that?”
“Two hours north of here.”
“Well I can take you and drop you off tomorrow morning,” I managed to say. “Would that work?”
He blinked. “I did tell you that my father is a horrible person, right?”
“Not sure you mentioned it. . . But it’s Thanksgiving. You should be with family.” Which was true. Although I’d rather he stay here.
He rolled his eyes. “I can’t burden you with driving all the way out there and back just so I can spend the weekend with a very unideal candidate.” He gave me a look that told me who was the ideal candidate. Maybe he wasn’t making this up. . .
“Um. . . Uber?” Stay here, stay here, stay here.
“Too expensive.” He glanced at Nesta, and then turned to face me more fully. “You could stay with us. We can just make it ‘meet the parents’ week.” He smiled hopefully.
Relief flooded my body. “Well…” I definitely wanted to go with him. Right now I didn’t want to leave his side at all after the past two nights sleeping in his arms. But I didn’t want to offend my family.
Nesta banged the skillet against the edge of the trash can, causing both Rhys and me to jump about a mile. “Go with him, Feyre. I’ll talk to Dad.”
I couldn’t help the smile that exploded across my face. “I guess you’re stuck with me.” I grinned at him.
“There’s no one else I’d rather be stuck with.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tag List: @sleeping-and-books @musicalfae @queen-of-glass
#acomaf#acotar#a court of mist and fury#a court of mist and fury au#a court of thorns and roses#a court of thorns and roses au#feyre archeron#feyre#rhysand#feyre x rhys#elriel#elain archeron#elain#azriel#sarah j maas#feysand fanfiction#breathcontrol#breathcontrol ar ff#acotar au#acomaf au
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Omg omg omg. Pls. Feed us league of villains with their s/o’s wild ass family on thanksgiving. I’m sorry i need this in my life and you seemed like the best Person in the world to write this. I give you my soul. I give it to you. Take it.
Lol thank you for your soul but, I really don’t know where to store it……
It’s a Mad house!
LOV Members that make an appearance – Shigaraki, Dabi, Toga, Spinner, Kurogiri, Twice, Compress, and You!!
Warnings: Pure ridiculousness, suggestive comments?, cursing but you guys know that. And crude/dark jokes. - Also, I know you wanted the LOV with their s/o but it wasn’t specific. Which members did you want? All of them? Including those that were arrested? (Or died…) New faces in the PLF? Also, it’s kinda thanksgiving today I really would have liked more time to do this, so I hope you don’t mind If I tweak your request a bit since I don’t want to put out tomorrow or ignore it. Basically it’s rushed... (Pls forgive me for the mistakes and typos I wrote most of this on my phone since my laptop died,…)
Inviting the league over to your place for thanksgiving.
You had been in the league for a while now. A strong competent member who always prioritized the mission. Just like a few of the other members you had joined the league under the impression that they were carrying out Stain’s vision. You quickly found out that that wasn’t the case. You could have left but the days spent in the dingy pub surrounded by them grew on you and, you couldn’t imagine your life without them anymore.
The league was more than just a job, or you listening to your rat boss. They were family now, especially with what you all had been through. Now that wasn't to say that you had no blood relatives but, it was nothing as tight nit as your relationship with the league. However, out of common courtesy you would visit them during the holidays.
Thanksgiving was one of said holidays. And when you had asked Shiragaki for the day off he wasn't exactly pleased. He made it clear that he didn't want you to go and stated his resentment of the holiday. Until you had invited him over….. You really didn't want to hear your family complain about you not going and Shiragaki had finally agreed after your invitation. It was the lesser evil right???
Wrong. Shiragaki blabbed to everyone while you guys were hanging in the bar the Wednesday before Turkey day. "Kurogiri. Attend to all that needs to be done tomorrow." And, when asked why; he had the smuggest of grins on his face "I was invited to a Thanksgiving dinner. Unlike you (Name) and I have plans."
They were the words to start a war. Toga immediately coming up to you to complain about how you hadn't invited her and how unfair it was. Spinners eyes squinted at you in contempt and Dabi was unfiltered as always. "Tryna get brownie points huh? (Name) sure 'Thanksgiving dinner' if you guys wanted to fuck tomorrow you could have used a better excuse. Your obviously lying doll as if you'd have-" He was cut off by one of the more rational members. "Your jealousy is rolling off in waves." Compress cut off.
Sadly it only got worse. "Why is it a problem if we weren't invited? Your such an asshole why him?" Twice had interjected. The bar was so loud you actually feared heroes would be called and the league would be arrested. That would be a shitty way to lose to the heroes. Arguing about Thanksgiving no less……
Finally the most respected member spoke. Kurogiri easily diffused the situation and you don't know how but it ended with you inviting them all over….. It was gonna be a blast! You tried convincing yourself drowning down another shot. Maybe if you drank enough you'd get alcohol poisoning and be exempted from attending….
When you arrived at your family's apartment you were received normally. "Got any cash kiddo?" "Did you finally get a man?" "You look like shit what have you been doing?" "Wanna smoke a blunt later?" And your personal favorite "Why are you dressed like a cheap whore? All were doing is eating and making sure your uncle doesn't get wasted and feel up the neighbor again."
The table was already set. All the food spread out hazardously on the table some plates threatening to soil the floor with a swan dive. Still there was no sign of any of your friends. You hoped they wouldn't come but as luck would have it just as you were about to sit a sharp knock echoed on the door. "Is that Karl?" "No you idiot he was arrested last week for arson. (Name) here invited friends as if we needed any more mouths to feed." You could almost cry.
When the door was finally opened your impatient boss's face was the first thing you saw. You couldn't help the smile on your face. He had actually made an effort in presenting himself. Kurogiri was with him and you thanked the world for allowing Kurogiri life since he was smart enough not to come empty handed. The smile was immediately wiped off your face when you noticed how your uncle was eyeing Shiragaki. Lord if that man spoke you had no doubt that Shiragaki would level the place. So you rushed to introduce them. "Hey! Thanks for coming! Guys this is my boss! You know the very distinguished, powerful, lots of money type boss." You hissed with narrowed eyes hoping they got the message.
Your aunt sure did. "What a handsome mist man. Is this your son? He's ...quite the looker!" She wasted no time in pulling her shirt lower to show her cleavage winking at a mifted Kurogiri. Polite as ever he corrected her saying that Shiragaki was his ward and the original boss of the 'company' he also gave them the very expensive bottles of liquor he had brought in.
You quickly received an elbow to your ribs once they were seated. Your aunt narrowed her eyes down at you whispering advice to you harshly about how you should seduce your boss….
You couldn't help but roll your eyes. Jolting when the door was knocked again…. There stood a well dressed Dabi, Toga and Spinner. This time your male cousin spoke. "Why the fuck do you look like a shitty version of Sally from the nightmare before Christmas." You paled fearing that he'd burn your favorite cuz to a crisp. All was silent until Shiragaki snorted prompting everyone to laugh. Your cousin rolled his eyes at his mother's awful cackle. Awkward chuckles left you. You felt cold sweat start to form. How the hell were you to survive the rest of the dinner???
Your female cousin eyed Toga down a scowl on her face. She upturned her nose when the blond sat across from her. Toga stroked the silverware on the table and you felt sweat trickle down your forehead. This family dinner was going to end in a mascare. "Oh (Name) never mentioned they had such a cute cousin." Toga beamed at the girl. You shot your female cousin 'the look's and she rolled her eyes and placed a fake smile on her face allowing you to breathe easy as Toga stopped her knife stroking.
"So fucked up Sally what happened to you." Your unfiltered cousin asked. The smirk on Dabi's face was giving you anxiety and you caught a break as Spinner interrupted with a simple two word answer. "Fire accident." Dabi just rolled his eyes wrinkling his nose in disgust as your aunt flirted with Kurogiri. Sadly dinner didn't go smoothly since your uncle decided to open the hole that was his mouth.
“I’ve heard lizards have to dicks that true? Bet ya it’s really good when your with the ladies. If they wanna be with ya since your face-” He was cut off by you slamming down your hand on the table. You sent him a heated glare making him roll his eyes and pipe down. That was when you looked to the side and noticed your female cousin eyeing Dabi…. Then he made a gross hand gesture… the finger in the ring one…….
Was it too late to quit the league? Sadly you didn’t get to entertain the thought because hopefully for the last time the door was being knocked on. You had to get away so you opened the door to a well Dressed Mr. Compress and Twice. Before you could greet them your aunt zoned in on Mr. Compress and quickly shoved you away making Twice jump back in horror.
“(Name) you never told me you had such nice rich friends.” She cooed latching onto his arm to sit him on her side so she was sandwiched between Kurogiri and him. You sent Twice an apologetic glance. When you all FINALLY sat down to eat things were a bit more tame. Until comments on the food were thrown around.
“Is the food to your liking Tomura?” Kurogiri asked. Your boss just nodded not bothering to answer. Hell he didn’t care at all that your family consisted of a bunch of loons he was getting food. It was getting to be a bit scarce due to the restriction of their budget. Shiragaki came for one thing and one thing only; the food.
“This is really good! Tastes like shit!” Twice had chimed in prompting an argument. It consisted of how your uncle was a shit cook who mashed the potatoes wrong to how it was your aunt who made the turkey. Kurogiri and Mr. Compress only shared an amused look as she boasted about herself. Both knowing that she was obviously mistaken on their wealth.
You shot Dabi a look when he had excused himself to use the bathroom. It also wasn’t long before your female cousin had said she was going to go check on him…. That was thirty minutes ago……
Toga entertained herself by watching you suffer. Every time a family member of yours did or said something embarrassing she’d look to you and laugh. Your expressions were so funny. Especially when your aunt kept insinuating you hook up with Shigaraki the heir.. “I wish Big sis Magne was still here. She would have loved this!”
Your male cousin took a quick interest in Spinner after an interesting chat while you had dinner. They both sat on the couch as Spinner explained the process of molting. You sent him a teasing grin when he moved closer to Spinner in fascination. “Okay so I know you’ve got to dicks and, you molt but are you also affected by the temperature?” Needless to say Spinner was quite content with the attention.
You sat with Toga who was now glued to her phone since everything had seemed to calm down. You were both surprised and relieved. You had expected things to be much worse. With a full stomach you moved from Toga’s side to sit next to a full and sleepy Shigaraki. “So… how as it?” You asked. “The food wasn’t terrible. You get together with them every holiday right?” You nodded. “Good, because you're also inviting me for Christmas.”
Watching the league play nice with your family was oddly filling. Your blood relatives getting along with your other ‘family’. Well that was what this holiday was about right? Getting together with friends and family and making the most of- Your train of thought was cut off as silence filled the room. Your uncle was halfway out the door, you knew he was heading to the neighbors apartment obviously drunk but- “Fuck! Uncle! Where the hell are your clothes!!!”
It’s still thanksgiving for some of you so
Happy Thanksgiving!!!
#bnha#bnha imagines#bnha headcanons#bnha thanksgiving#bnha league of villains#bnha lov#bnha insert#shiragaki tomura#spinner#Mr. Compress#Dabi#Toga Himiko#kurogiri#Twice#jin bubaigawara#bnha crack#mha imagines#mha insert#mha x reader#bnha x reader#mha headcanons#my hero acadamy#boku no hero academia#happy thanksgiving
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