Iron Man (1968) #96

At the request of @chimamire-no-sakura, MC OC YUU's reaction if she is constantly ill due to the overload of her work Crowley:

Dorm leaders:

Riddle : He would be very concerned. Let the principal ask for help a few times, that's okay. But pass everything on to MC without worrying about the fact that she has to manage school work and that she had to face several Overblots without Crowley pointing the tip of his nose to come and help them and abuse his kindness, that our red head will not be able to take it! Would be able to threaten Crowley to put a collar on him or find a rule that says this kind of behavior is seen as abuse and that he would report it if he didn't stop there!

Leona: Leona is the first to exploit people (* cough * Ruggie * cough *) to do his chores for Him. But unlike, he would never allow himself to make Ruggie work to the point of making him sick, so when you go after his herbivore the lion will roar! Would be able to go find Crowley in his office and threaten to make him disappear with his One Magic. He'll even convince Crowley to let MC have preset schedules so that she can rest and make up for missed hours of sleep with him.

Azul: Poor Crowley, our Octoman already has it in the palm of his hand. So when he sees how much the NRC Principal is exploiting our dear MC, he makes sure the birdman understands his pain. Will have no problem blackmailing him and threatening him to reveal his darkest secrets without forgetting the fact that he is left a student without magic to face Overblots in his place and to make her live in conditions of deplorable life. It would be a shame if the local press learned of these unfortunate events, wouldn't it? He'll make sure Jade and Floyd keep an eye on this birdman. In the meantime, he's going to give MC well-deserved days off and offer her some sweets to "try out what's new on the menu".

Kalim: He's worried to death! It's not right of the Principal to give so much work when MC is completely exhausted and sick! Would ask Jamil for advice and in the meantime take care of MC giving her rest and good food!

Vil: Vil is for hard work, but this is too much! Watch how that pretty face is now covered in dark circles, stressful pimples, those dry cracked lips and sickly complexion! It's absolutely shameful (Not for MC of course. It is for Crowley)! Vil would use his notoriety to manipulate Crowley, threaten to use his popularity to get him fired on the spot (and the Birdman knows full well that a dedicated Fanbase is very effective with petitions and mass reporting). Our Roi des Poisons will then take care of giving MC revitalizing potions and healing so that she can relax and rest, Vil will pamper her like a queen.

Idia: Would be very concerned about the situation! His favorite Waifu is not well and it breaks his heart! Then he remembers that he is a genius and that digging up secrets well hide in the interest and one of his many talents! Idia will certainly start digging up shameful photos of our dear bird man and posting them all over social media. He will also hack teachers' private files and threaten to sink the school if Crowley does not calm down, it would be a shame if the end of year exam papers were revealed to everyone for so little. is this not ? He would then certainly invite MC to come and rest in his room and they would eat lots of junk food while watching animated films.

Malleus: So there ... If the NRC doesn't end up in little ash heaps, Crowley will be lucky! Angry Malleus Draconia is not a pretty scene. Crowley still has enough savvy not to be in the bad graces of one of the most powerful wizards of Twisted Wonderland and what is more, a future king! Our Principal will certainly try to be forgiven from Malleus and MC by offering more pocket money to buy food, some small repairs to Ramshackle here and there and beg MC for mercy. After all, isn't she so nice? Meanwhile, while Crowley renovates Ramshackle and takes care of his own work, Malleus takes care of MC by letting her sleep in Diasomnia's prettiest room, passionately chatting about gargoyles, and improvising a little picnic in a corner of the forest that Malleus particularly appreciates because you can observe the stars perfectly.

The Vice-leaders:

Trey: He activates his "mother hen" mode! MC is no longer allowed to get out of bed until she is perfectly rested and regained her strength! Trey certainly wouldn't see himself threatened by the Principal, but he would take care of MC's work in addition to his own and enlist the help of our duo Adeuce so that MC can recover as soon as possible! He will cook good little meals full of vitamins and maybe soups too. No one is allowed to come and disturb MC while she is asleep and would certainly bring out his authoritarian side if he hears too much noise likely to disturb the young woman's rest.

Ruggie: Ruggie can understand what it's like to be exploited, but he gets something out of it. He's already very busy with Leona and her schoolwork, so he can't help her with that, but he's trying to cheer her up. An example, he shares with her her donuts (which is a great gesture of affection from her) and making her laugh. Sometimes he would drop one of his tasks to make one of MC's in its place and that she could rest. And maybe even let her stroke his hyena ears, it's a win-win combo, isn't it?

Jade: Well, well. The poor little thing here, does she need a little help? Jade would love to be his serving knight. While he distracts her from her extra work to show her her terrariums and slip a few drops of the sleeping potion into her drink to go to bed on the sofa in Azul's office, Jade thinks it would be very beneficial to go visit dear Crowley, it's been a long time since Octavinelle has done business with him. Our dear moray eel is quite up for bringing his dear twin with him, after all the crazier we are the more we laugh, right? Jade can assure you that after this charming, perfectly friendly visit, MC will be relieved of many obligations. Let our dear human rest and when she is well, let's celebrate with a long and exciting hike during which a lovely picnic awaits them at the end of the path. Jade has made her favorite chocolate fondant, it would be silly to waste such a great treat if she isn't fit enough to enjoy it.

Jamil: He's very worried even if he doesn't show it. Due to his own obligations, he cannot help MC but he can convince Kalim to describe a letter to his father to stop the donations that the Al-Asim family makes to the school. Kalim will not notice the "manipulation" and will think that the idea came from him and Jamil will not be in trouble. Once Crowley is bold enough to come to Scarabia to talk about the letter and the gifts, it's Jamil who takes control of the conversation without giving the impression. He convinces the Principal to stop giving unjustified and excess work to MC, in exchange the donations will come back. But this birdman must stop treating MC like his servant. Once the deal is done, Jamil cooks MC's favorite meals and makes sure she gets a good rest. When she gets better, a banquet will be organized to celebrate her recovery.

Rook: Oh Oh! But what happened to that graceful face? It has its charm, of course, but it lacks life and joy! Hmm? Oh, this is the job Crowley is supposed to do but has MC to do it for him? These are not manners, they are sorely lacking in elegance. Well ... The bird hunt is on. Rook is going to chase Crowley so hard and so viciously that our dear Principal will develop paranoia. Birdman nearly had a heart attack when an arrow brushed too close by when he was in the hallway giving MC even more work! And every time Crowley wants to give more work or blackmail him for money and essentials Ramshackle, a new arrow appears. Always closer, always more threatening. Our dear hunter said to himself that it would be nice to take MC to take his mind off things, why not have a barbecue? He will personally take care of the meat. Everyone loves chicken.

Ortho: Has already offered to destroy the school with his self-integrating weapons and threatened to reduce Crowley to ashes with his subatomic cannons. No one destroys the health of their Big Sister without impunity! From the day Wheat Robot Boy stormed into his office, the Principal has avoided the flaming haired child and MC like the plague.

Lilia: He will act like the responsible adult that he is and his fatherly side will immediately come out! Lilia would be able to walk into the Principal's office with the biggest and brightest smile in Twisted Wonderland. He would obviously be accompanied by a few agents from the Child Protection and Aid Service, these people would be delighted to have a little conversation with the bird man and he cannot flee because he is trapped. in his own office. While all these beautiful people are having this lovely conversation, Lilia is going to take MC to Diasomnia and he will make his special recipe for oyster and tomato pancakes, it will surely cheer her up! And surely taking a restorative nap in the company of Silver, that would be a charming picture to watch!

S/O Loses Memory and Quirk

Todoroki, Bakugou, and Kirishima HCs

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Language, violence, mentions of stab wounds and blood, a panic attack, spoiler for Bakugou’s hero name, sad bois

A/N: So I had two requests that mentioned these three with this concept and I just finished all of them and I’m so proud that I wanted to post these ones before the other two for Denki and All Might were finished but I’ll get those out as soon as possible. I cried writing Bakugou’s, so... there’s that HAHA please enjoy!

Here’s the first one with Shinsou, Aizawa, Hawks, and Dabi!

Todoroki Shouto | Shouto

Shouto knows you’re a strong woman and that he doesn’t need to constantly be there to protect you

But he does prefer to be there if something bad is happening 

The only problem is that you two went to two different agencies after graduating 

And in doing so were on opposite sides of the city

Now he always knew when something was happening on your hero route because I mean

He actually needs to in case something bad happens since it’s his JOB

But he also just really wants to be there for you if you really need it

There hasn’t been a time like that, though

So imagine his utter shock and genuine fear when that time came

He was told to go to where you were patrolling because you’d been attacked and wound up in the hospital 

You know the scene with the flame tear? Yeah that but times ten

He goes on patrol like a good little hero

But boy oh BOY did he just want to go to the hospital

You’d never lost a fight before

Not even against him

Your quirk was literally the most powerful quirk he’s ever seen and I mean like, yeah, sure, he might be biased but STILL you were really powerful

So what kind of villain could hurt you so bad you had to go to the hospital???

Luckily, he only had an hour left of patrolling 

And as soon as that hour was up

Mans bolted

He was OFF

He ran into that hospital 

And he politely asked where your room was

Because although he’s PANICKING he still is a little socially awkward sweetie and he doesn’t wanna be a dick to anyone and be labeled similar to his father no no NO

But as soon as he got the number he was sprinting man

He was so worried

All patrol he was quieter than usual

And he was ridiculously anxious the whole time

His palms were sweaty

He felt like he could throw up at any second

And right now

He thought his heart was about to beat out of his chest

He carefully opens the door

You might be sleeping, he has to be considerate

And sure enough he sees your unconscious form laying in a hospital bed

It looked like you had some broken bones, and multiple bruises and cuts which means someone must have beat the shit out of you

Lovely

That’s what he needed to see

Definitely 

Mans doesn’t show emotion that much

But when it comes to you and since it was just you and him in the room

He broke down crying

He couldn’t help it

He grabbed your hand

And just sat there crying

Poor guy can’t lose you

You were the best thing that ever happened to him 🥺

You showed him that it was okay to feel things and express those things and let people in

He let you in and he couldn’t let you go now

He was a genuine mess for the next couple of weeks

Because you weren’t waking up

He went against what Midoriya said and asked around about what happened to you

And what he heard was horrific

Apparently the villain snuck up on you

And hit you in a few different places

And then you fell down

And then you couldn’t access your quirk

And that’s why you were in the hospital 

He didn’t want to think about the part that happened after you were virtually defenseless

Around his friends he was spacier than usual

He wasn’t really retaining information

And his agency let him take more days off than usual because they knew he was Going Through It

And luckily on one of those days you woke up

He was next to you as per usual 

Holding your hand

Playing with your fingers like he always does when he gets anxious

He missed being able to do that in social situations 

Or when you two were cuddling at night and he was thinking about something that was stressing him out and he would start to fiddle with your hand and you would ask him what’s wrong

He missed you

So when he felt your hand start to move by itself

He basically gave himself whiplash with how fast he looked from your hand to your face

Sure enough

Your eyes were open

And you were looking at him

“(Y/n)…”

He whispered your name as not to scare you

You could have a concussion or mild amnesia

He has already considered everything that could be wrong with you

Because he overthinks a lot

And he was nervous about this

And there was one thing he had in the back of his mind

That would probably be the worst case scenario

And much to his fears

That was confirmed to be what was going on almost immediately

“Todoroki?”

He just stares for a moment

You hadn’t called him Todoroki since… well, a long time now

Probably back in your UA days

The two of you began dating in your second year though so

It’s been a while

“You look… older..?”

He clears his throat

Nodding

“Yes. Well… I am 20 years old now. I would hope I look older.”

“Wait, what?”

Oh shit.

He just confused you. 

Damnit, Shouto. 

“Uhh… well, um. You see…”

“Todoroki what is going on? And why are you holding my hand like that?”

He freezes

He was still playing with your fingers

And it wasn’t that you didn’t want him to

You were just genuinely confused

He knew that

“Before I say anything else that could be detrimental to your mental health, maybe you should ring your nurse.”

You do as he says

And the nurses and a doctor come rushing into your room

They do some evaluations

And sure enough

Your memory has been completely wiped

As has the access to the portion of your brain that allows you to control your quirk

The doctor explains to Todoroki that he’s unsure of how this happened

Bu Todoroki knows it has to be that villain

Whatever that villain did did this to you

And Todoroki isn’t one to show emotions

But boy oh BOY was he riled up right now

He lowkey accidentally caught something on fire

And then to fix it lowkey on purpose just turned it into a block of ice

Even though Endeavor is the worst man on the planet

Mans is persistent on shit that’s for sure

And that’s like

The only trait Shouto got from that literal dumpster fire of a father

And he wasn’t about to let the piece of shit that hurt you get away with it

Of course, when it comes to you as a person he’s very patient

Very understanding

Respects boundaries 

But he will not REST

Until the motherfucker who did this to you gets caught by him

And he will find them.

Bakugou Katsuki | DynaMight

OH BOY HERE WE GO

So Bakugou was already very protective over you

I mean that’s expected though

It’s

It’s literally Bakugou

So mans has tabs on you at all times

You don’t know how he does it tbh

He jokes

Yes, Bakugou can joke

He jokes about having a sixth sense when it comes to you

He just gets this feeling about you

If you’re sad? He knows

Happy? He knows

In danger? MANS KNOWS

And I guess he also has a GPS built into his brain???

He just

He knows

Probably because he cares extremely deeply about you

Like really fucking deeply

You’re the best thing that has ever happened to him

Ever since high school

First day

When you weren’t intimidated by him

There was just something special about you

And even though it took until after graduation and you almost DYING on a mission for him to finally accept that he can FEEL THINGS

He officially asked you to be his girlfriend

I say officially because, well

Y’all have basically been dating since like 

Second year of high school

Even though it wasn’t official

It was obvious

He was whipped

He still is

He’s known you for five years

You’ve been officially dating for two of those years

You were unofficially dating for four

You were the most important thing in his life

You even surpassed becoming the number one hero somehow

Though he will NEVER admit that

EVER

It took him a while to realize it 

But the thought of living without you?

Scared him more than any villain ever could

And that is why

Mans is all dressed up

Lookin nice

Took a day off of patrol at his agency because tonight is a special night

Of course, you don’t know anything

As it should be

He didn’t tell a soul that he was planning on proposing tonight

Okay… maybe that is a lie

He told Kirishima when he got blackout drunk with the boys one night

Long story, don’t ask how it happened, even the boys don’t know

And Kirishima then proceeded to tell everyone of his other friends 

So they all knew

But they also all knew to keep it a FUCKING SECRET unless they wanted blown up

But boy oh boy they were excited to see the pictures and the ring and the everything

But I digress

Bakugou is in the house the two of you purchased a while back

It was very much off the damn grid

For ~safety~ 

And he’s very much just messing with how he looks

He has to look perfect because he knows you’re about to 

And he can’t be proposing to you unless he’s on your level

When suddenly

He gets a

Feeling

But it isn’t the warm feeling he gets when you’re happy

Or the doopy one he gets when you’re sad

Or the wave of exhaustion he feels when you’re tired

Or the tingly feeling he gets when you’re mad

No

It’s the feeling where his spine tenses

And his blood goes cold

And his heart drops to the floor

The one he only felt one other time

The time you almost died

He was out of that house so fast

He didn’t even care if he looked all nice

You were in danger

He blasted his way through the city

Saying he was frantic is an understatement

He was FERAL

He got to where you were just in time to see you get slammed into the concrete by some piece of shit villain

You were unconscious

And you weren’t moving

He saw red

He didn’t even remember blasting over to the villain and punching them in the face

But he did that

And he did it HARD

Of course the villain was like OH FUCK

THIS IS THE NUMBER TWO HERO

I DIDN’T THINK HE’D ACTUALLY GET HERE THIS FAST

Because obviously the villain knew who you were

That’s why you were targeted 

Breaking Bakugou’s spirit is needed if villains want to become more fearful and powerful

The villain starts sprinting away

And before Bakugou can catch them

He hears an ambulance siren

He suddenly forgets all about the villain because he whips around to see you getting loaded onto a gurney

Paramedics are doing everything they can to keep you alive at this point

He’s horrified to say the least

You’re the love of his life

The last time he saw you like this is when he accepted it

Seeing you like this again just makes him realize it even deeper somehow

He runs to the ambulance

But the paramedics tell him he needs to go to the hospital separately because you’re badly injured and they need to perform some procedures on the way to the hospital to keep you alive

He doesn’t even realize he’s crying until his eyes start to sting

He wants to tell the paramedics to fuck off

Don’t they realize this is supposed to be one of the best days of yours and his lives?

But he can’t 

Because before he can

They’re gone

He chases after you though

He needs to be by your side right now

He needs to know that you will be okay

He needs you to be okay

So imagine how nerve-wracking it is for him to learn that you were in surgery

He waited in the waiting room all day long

This incident happened around one in the afternoon

and it was now one in the morning

He was just sitting in the hospital waiting room

Looking down at the little box in his hand

Crying

Which is a sight for anyone who sees him

The ring he bought for you is the only thing he can focus on

He doesn’t even notice the non-stop buzzing in his pocket coming from his and your friends wondering if the two of you are okay because the footage of the fight cut out right before Bakugou punched the villain

They all thought you were both hurt pretty badly

I mean after your quirk was seemingly taken from you…

The only thing that snaps him out of his trance

Is when the doctor comes out and says his name

His head snaps up so fast

He approaches the doctor just as fast

He knows he should expect the worst

But he can’t help but keep repeating that you’re okay

That everything will be fine because you are okay

They fixed you up

You’ll come home all happy

He’ll propose to you in the living room at this point

Today will be fixed

Instead

He hears that although you’re stable

You have what appears to be brain damage

“What kind of fucking brain damage?”

“She has severe amnesia which means that-”

“How severe?”

“Well… according to her brain scan and the fact that she said the year was two and a half years ago, I’m afraid it’s significantly severe.”

Two and a half years

Two and a half years?!

He just stares at the doctor

If you think it’s two and a half years ago

That means he hasn’t asked you out yet

That means in your mind

You’re still in high school

About to graduate

This cannot be happening

There is not way this is happening

“Can I see her?”

His voice sounds foreign to him

The doctor nods

Leading him to your room

He puts the ring back in his pocket out of instinct

And when he enters your room

He wants nothing more than for you to yell something like PSYCH

GOT YOU BLASTY BITCH

HAHAHA

But he’s just met with a your mouth opening wide and eye getting big

“Bakugou?! You’re so dressed up!”

Bakugou

Why didn’t he let you call him Katsuki sooner

Why didn’t he ask you out before two years ago

Why wasn’t he there to save you

“W-Woah… Bakugou, you don’t have to cry this isn’t my first hospital stay… wait, when did you get an undercut?”

He just walks towards you

“You also look… older… is this seriously what you look like when you clean up?”

He watches as your expression falters for a moment

“Wait… are you like… going on a date or something?”

Good to know you still have feelings for him at least

He just nods

And you try to hide the disappointment on your face

“Oh… well, you better tell me all about it when we get back to the dorms.”

Your fake enthusiasm is killing him

What killing him even more though is that the doctors didn’t tell you what was going on

So he’ll tell you instead

“Actually,”

Damnit

His voice is wavering

This is new for him

He clears his throat

“I’m not… I’m not going on a date anymore. I had one but… things didn’t turn out as planned.”

“Oh?”

He almost smiles at the sudden mood shift you had

How can you still be perky like that sitting in a hospital bed

“Yeah… because, um. It was a date with you…”

“…Oh…?”

“You got hurt pretty bad, angel…”

He explains everything to you

Well 

As much as he can

And he also finds out about your quirk

And how it’s just

Gone

You have to stay in the hospital tonight for further testing tomorrow

And you insist that he goes home

But he says it isn’t home if you’re not there

He stays in the chair right next to your bed

Watching you as you sleep

He knows you believe him

He knows that you have feeling for him

But he’s broken, truly

Not only was he not your hero today

He didn’t save you

He doesn’t know if you’ll ever remember any of those years with him

Any of your firsts

And that makes him ache

He pulls out your ring again

And just looks at it

The only light in the room is the moonlight peaking in through the window

And in that moment

He swears to himself

And to you

That the villain who did this

Is going to pay

Kirishima Eijirou | Red Riot

Eijirou has always been your rock

Figuratively and literally

He’s there for you through everything

And I mean everything

The two of you have been next door neighbors since you were kids

And he literally always had a crush on you

Of course the feelings were mutual

But neither you nor shark boy knew that

Until y’all got to high school

And Bakugou was very

Annoyed

About the two of you pining for each other

Mina was beyond annoyed 

She went to middle school with you two

So when Bakugou finally just

Screamed at the two of you to just shut the fuck up with the flirting and date already

Mina deadass jumped out of her seat at lunch and screamed thank you at the top of her lungs

Of course the two of you were as red as his hair

Which, yes

You did help him pick out the exact shade and helped dye as well

His hands were stained red because he accidentally only bought one pair of gloves and it wouldn’t have been manly to make you help without gloves on

But I digress

The two of you started dating shortly after that

And when I tell you that you were the couple everyone would look at and be all “awwwww”

I MEAN IT

And y’all are just in high school

Granted, it’s your final year and the two of you are both interning and are already confirmed to become sidekicks and Fatgum’s Agency

So y’all do be a little mature

But still

You started dating freshman year

And you’re going strong still

Of course

And words cannot describe how relieved he is that the two of you are at the same agency

Because if anything ever went bad he would be there to save you

And you would be there to save him

But literally nothing could prepare him for what was about to happen to you

It was a normal patrol

The two of you were together

Talking about graduation next week

And how the two of you were excited to move out of the dorms and into the apartment you had picked

And how you would finally be able to adopt the little mutt that the two of you love from the shelter

When out of no where

A villain popped down off of a building

Right behind you

And did something weird to you

They hit you meticulously and in specific places

Before Kirishima could even process what was going on

You were on the ground

Of course

You raised an arm

Ready to fight and use your quirk

But nothing happened

You tried again

Nothing

You and Kirishima make eye contact and he can feel the fear radiating off of you

Now he was worried

Very worried

But you knew how to fight

And he was there, too

So this wouldn’t end too bad

UNTIL THERE WAS A FUCKING EXPLOSION IN THE BUILDING THE VILLAIN JUST POPPED OUT OF

You were already back on your feet

Ready to fight this motherfucker

“Go help the people inside, Red Riot. I can handle this one.”

“But-”

“GO!”

He goes

Reluctantly

But he does know you can hold your own

Even if that villain temporarily blocked your quirk

He hardens

Turning his headpiece into a filtering mask (a great addition he thought of so he could run into burning buildings while hardened to save people and not take damage to his lungs in the process)

And luckily

There were only three people inside

So he grabs them and runs out

Easy

And he’s expecting to be met with you handcuffing the bad guy

But instead

He’s met with you getting the life beat out of you

Literally

You’re on the ground

The villain pulled out swords while he was gone

And it was obvious you were down and weren’t gettingup

But the villain just wasn’t letting up

Kirishima’s legs work before his brain

He runs over to the villain and lands a punch to their face

Which causes them to stumble backwards

Before they throw the swords at a random citizen who is observing

He immediately runs to the citizen, deflecting the swords

But the villain ran off in the mean time

Like they disappeared without a trace

But honestly

Even if they were still there

Kirishima would have run to you regardless

He immediately kneels down

“(Y/n)?! (Y/n), can you hear me?!”

He ditched the hero names this time

You weren’t responding

You were out cold

He starts panicking

Like

Full on hyperventilating

You looked bad

You were pierced by the villains swords in your side

Blood was everywhere

Your breathing was shallow

Regardless of the genuine panic attack he was going through right now

He somehow managed to control his breathing so you wouldn’t bleed out on the ground

He needed to help you

He picks you up

Instantly starting to sprint to the ambulances beginning to pull up

As soon as the paramedics see the state you’re in they get you off of him

And speed off to the hospital

Kirishima is left alone 

Staring at his hands 

Which were dyed red with your blood

All he could see was your face laughing at him because he forgot to get two pairs of gloves the first time you helped him dye his hair

…He didn’t like red all that much right now

After what feels like hours

But was really like two minutes

Tamaki shows up

Because he heard there was something going on

And as soon as he sees Kirishima on the ground and sobbing

He knows something bad has happened to you

He quickly gets him out of there

And back to the agency

Where Kirishima accidentally sees a replay of the fight on television

And he sees that you were fighting the villain just fine

But they were so nimble and fast 

And all they did was hit the nape of your neck and then the side of your temple

And you collapsed

Tamaki turned the television off before the full fight was shown

But the damage was done

Kirishima was back on the ground

Tamaki tries to comfort him

But Kirishima is out of commission

“I couldn’t save her, Tamaki! I wasn’t there!”

“…C-Come on, Kirishima… w-we should… go to the hospital…”

Tamaki is trying so hard to get him to calm down 

But to no avail

So eventually he just drags him out and to his car

He speeds to the hospital

And Kirishima doesn’t even wait for the car to slow down to run inside

He has to wait to see you

Since you were punctured 

But he was willing to wait

And wait he did 

For four days

Of course after you were done with your surgery he was allowed in your room

But it was a matter of waiting for you to wake up

He was always with you

He only went home to shower

He slept at the hospital

He needed to be with you

So when you finally woke up

He cried tears of happiness for the first time in days

“(Y/n), thank god you’re awake.”

“Eiji? What happened…?”

“There was a villain attack and they knocked you out and-”

“Why don’t you look 15?”

“What?”

“You look… older… and your hair is longer.”

“…What? You were the one who encouraged me to grow it out…”

“I… I was?”

He stares at you for a moment

His happy tears turning into ones of fear

Before hitting the call nurse button and asking you a question

“(Y/n) what grade are we in?”

“We’re freshmen at UA High School.”

No. 

No, no, no, no, no

Before he could answer the doctor and nurses came in the room

They started asking you a bunch of questions

To which you answered the best you could

But it was obvious that you were convinced it was two years ago

The doctors took you off to do scans of your brain

This can’t be happening

You think it’s two years ago

Two years

So much has happened within those two years

The two of you have done so much

Just

Imagine how devastated he is when he hears your memory is just gone

And your quirk with it

You were a hero

Your quirk can’t be gone

“Eiji… please don’t cry, it’ll be okay.”

“I can’t help it, pebble. I wasn’t there to save you and now… now you don’t remember everything we’ve done. And… and your quirk… you’re the best hero I know, and now…”

“Eijirou, I promise you it will be okay. As long as you’ll be with me, like you always are, I will be fine.”

He doesn’t say anything

He just looks at his hand holding yours

At least you still remember he asked you to be his girlfriend

But he is deadset on finding the villain who did this to you

“I will get you out of this.”

“Ei…”

“I will fix this. I promise you. I will save you. I need to.”

REINER SIMP BACK FOR MORE!! If you're interested, of course, fluff alphabet for the absolute blonde of my dreams???

WELCOME BACK, I had so much fun with this one <3

Every time I write for post time skip Reiner it ends up just the slightest bit angsty, so just be aware

Again, I'm using the prompt by @snk-warriors

Post time skip of course! :)

Fluff Alphabet: Reiner

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

The activity doesn't really matter to him, he really just likes being with them. He’d do any kind of activity that they suggest because he loves the way their eyes light up doing things they’re passionate about. But, if his SO likes going on fun dates, he’d definitely be down to plan something. Probably still something pretty small and intimate, maybe like a picnic or a walk through a pretty area.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He definitely loves his SO’s eyes, especially the way they light up when they’re excited. He also loves getting to watch them while they’re moving around or doing something, he thinks they’re so amazing just existing. More than anything, though, he really admires their personality and spirit.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Reiner wouldn’t know instinctively what to do at all, but he’d be so concerned. He’d probably just sit with them quietly the first time, and then have a discussion later about what they’d like him to do in the future. And he definitely commits that to memory, so the next time they’re down or anxious, he knows exactly what to do. He has his fair share of negative experience with mental health and image, so he knows at least to some extent what they’re going through, and he’ll do whatever he can to make sure they no longer have to feel that way.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

I think it takes a while for him to actually imagine his SO being in his future just because he’s endured so much loss in his life, but one he finally allows himself to start to make plans, he definitely has a nice rosy little vision for the future. It’s total domestic bliss, with a cozy home, a vegetable garden, and maybe even kids (depending on his SO, of course). He really craves that peaceful security of a boring, stable life because he’s never gotten to experience it before, so thinking of the future makes him really happy.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

It’s definitely pretty equal. He doesn’t go into relationships with any preconceived notions of playing an active or passive role, so it really just depends on his SO and how their dynamic falls. But for the most part, he’s happiest when he’s able to alternate between the two, both comforting and being comforted.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

He’s honestly not great with conflict. He really hates fighting and would never instigate a fight, but when it does occur, he gets hurt pretty easily. He has so much going on in his own head, and conflict with his SO just adds to internal self doubt. But, since he really doesn’t want to fight, he’s always open and willing to make up at any time. 

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Reiner is so grateful. He is constantly showering them in praise and thank you’s, and he just feels so damn lucky to be with them. Every small act of service or gift from them makes his heart swell, and he goes out of his way to make sure that they they know just how much he appreciates them.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

I definitely think he would be very honest. Secrets put space between the two of them, which is the last thing he wants. He would much rather have an awkward conversation about something than lie to his SO, which would make him so guilty. He also leans on them for support a lot, and he knows that they can’t support each other if they’re not totally honest.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Reiner’s SO has such a positive influence on him. He has a lot of self doubt and a lot of fear when it comes to relationships and commitment, but over time, he began to let himself rely on them and make himself vulnerable. They honestly probably inspire him to be more open and positive, and their optimism rubs off on him, even if it’s just slightly.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

I don’t think he gets jealous often, but he does have a habit of not dealing with it properly. He would never be rude to his SO, he just starts to pull away because his self doubt keeps saying they would be better off with someone else. It’s not hard to help him relax, though, it really just takes some quiet words from his SO and a reminder that he is enough for them.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

He was really nervous for their first kiss, for literally no reason. He was very careful with his general timing, but in the moment, it probably seemed a bit abrupt just because he was so nervous. He’s a really good kisser, and after the first kiss, it’s a regular occurrence.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

In terms of asking his SO out for the first time, I think he was very nervous and probably make it pretty awkward just because he kept trying to shrink into the background. But if we’re talking about the first time he told them he loves them, it wasn’t awkward at all. It was probably late at night and they were laying in bed together when it really just hit Reiner how happy he was, and how lucky he was to have them. He said it so casually, as if it was already a part of their routine instead of something foreign and new.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

I think the idea of marriage would scare him just slightly, but it is appealing to him. Again, it’s that idea of stability and security that just seems so cozy and comfortable for the future. He doesn’t indulge in making plans for the future often, but when he does finally let himself think about it, it makes him really happy. He spends lots of time planning the most romantic proposal, maybe even something public if his SO is comfortable with it. The idea of getting married makes him so excited that he wants to share it with everyone. He doesn’t necessarily have a great eye for decoration or color, but he’s so eager to help, so together, they plan a beautiful wedding. Probably small and intimate, and absolutely lovely.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

I think nicknames make him a bit embarrassed, so most of the time, it’s just “honey” or your name. Your name is amazing, and he’s more than happy to keep saying it.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

When Reiner’s in love, especially at the beginning, everyone can tell. He just gives off an air of contentedness and confidence from being with his SO, laughing a bit more often than usual and frequently being caught zoning out while smiling into the distance. It’s almost laughable how much the stoic man’s behaviors change when he’s finally that happy.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He’s pretty private in general. He holds onto his SO’s hand in public and offers them his arm while walking, but otherwise, they don’t like to show off in public. In terms of how much he talks about them, I think it depends on his SO. If they’re a private person, he won’t bring it up a single time. But if he can tell they don’t mind, he’d talk about them with his friends and introduce them as his SO, and he’d be happy getting to show everyone how amazing they are.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that's beneficial in a relationship.

He’s always warm, even in the middle of the winter. If his SO is ever cold, he offers his jacket (because he’s probably overheating anyway), or he can just warm them up with a hug. It’s really sweet.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

It makes him pretty embarrassed, but he really is very romantic! He can definitely appreciate the cliched romantic tropes, but I think he also likes to be creative. He love surprising his SO to see the look on their face, and he just loves making them happy. When they’re happy, he’s happy!

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Reiner has a lot of doubts in his life, especially for himself. But when it comes to his SO? There is nothing they can’t do. He believes in them 100%, and he will do whatever he can to support them. 

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

He’s absolutely someone who prefers a nice stable routine. Not that he won’t go out and try new things, especially if his SO would like to, but he just prefers to stick to their normal plans. Being able to plan head is a luxury for him, and he appreciates the calmness behind it.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He knows his SO very well, and he’s very empathetic. He can’t read their mind, and he does still need lots of communication, but he genuinely does almost feel their pain with them. He’s great support through a difficult time because he can empathize so well.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Once his relationship becomes serious, it’s one of the most important aspects of his life. Part of becoming serious with his SO is allowing himself to open up to and rely on them, which creates such a deep level of emotional intimacy. He really wouldn’t trade them for the world.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

He makes his SO coffee every morning. If they don’t like coffee, he makes tea, or maybe even just pours them a glass of orange juice. If they don’t live together, he will literally drive to bring it to them. In his eyes, it’s not only an excuse to get to see them every morning, but he likes making sure that they start off every morning happy.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

He’s very affectionate! Sometimes it makes him a little bit uncomfortable to be vulnerable like that, but he likes having his SO close to him. Definitely big on cuddling, again because he likes to be close to them, and because it makes him feel safe.

Y earning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner?

He definitely gets a bit sad when they’re away for a long time. If possible, he likes to check up on them in the morning. Otherwise, he just tries to keep himself busy. I think he also gets a bit anxious when they’re gone because they’re such a source of support for him, so he’s very relieved when they return.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?

He’s absolutely willing to do what it takes to keep his relationship strong. As much as he loves his routine, he’s always open to make changes that will keep things running smoothly and keep his SO happy. They’re very important to him, so of course he would go to great lengths for them.

breaking down this anti-ian article bc it bothers me ( from the child of a bipolar mother and a male teen with same sex attraction ) while also providing valid reasons ian sucks ( from someone who likes ian )

ive had this drafted for a while so i dont think i cover anything from season 11

tw for i^cest and r^pe

he was with a married man

in this point it points out that he was with kash and he continued his relationship with kash even after linda put cameras in the store

“Ian didn't seem to care about how wrong his affair with Kash was or how much it could hurt Kash's wife Linda, whom he saw at the store regularly. “

that is a quote from that part.

ian gallagher was fifteen in season one, kash was an older man who bought him gifts and payed attention to ian ,, that was not on ian , none of that was ian fault because he was a child

ian wasnt open with lip

“ Ian didn't tell Lip about his preferences and forced Lip to figure it out on his own. Lip was instantly accepting of his brother's truth and even offered to help him figure out any confusion he might be harboring, so it's really strange that Ian wasn't just upfront with his closest confidant from the start.”

no , lip wasnt forced to figure it out on his own and he also wasn’t instantly accepting.

in this point it mentions that ‘they’re extremely close ( bestfriends and brothers ) so its strange ian didnt tell him’

like point 1 , ian is a fifteen year old boy, growing up on the southside , and thoughout the show it has mentioned multiple times that the southside isnt that accepting

back to lip -- lip wasnt accepting, sure he was fine but ‘helping your younger brother figure it out’ by having a (female) classmate give him a blowjob isnt helping

he secretly dated his best friends brother

“Most friends have an unspoken rule about not dating each other's siblings, but Ian broke this rule by secretly entering into a relationship with Mandy's closeted brother Mickey.”

the only thing i have to say about this is , he was still with kash and mickey was a boy in his age group who was gay , growing up in the southside ian probably thought he was the token gay so of course hes going to chase after mickey

he stood by as kash attacked mickey

“Ian didn't do anything to stop Kash from shooting his new lover, and didn't even tell the police about his boss' over-the-top display of jealous action so proper justice could be served.”

okay. because two men he had fallen for had gotten into a fight, there was a gun involved and he panicked, in the end after mickey got shot he went to him

now to address the quote, he didnt say anything to the police because he probably knew that that would bring shame onto kash and his family, along with mickey and his family who are very homophobic

oh yeah and it was like 2011 and cops suck and THEY LIVE ON THE SOUTHSIDE

he and lip tried framing terry milkovich

oh the homophobic and racist dad of his boyfriend and bestfriend who tried to kill him and r*ped his daughter ?

yeah , shit man , that was real bad they shouldn’t have done that /s

he dated jimmy-steves married father

“Ian didn't bother telling Jimmy the truth about his father and didn't end his relationship with Lloyd upon finding out that he had a secret wife and family, either.”

at this point ian is probably sixteen but that doesnt matter bc i wont even address that

he met him at a club and then used his relationship with ned to make mickey jealous which was one of the reasons he kept seeing him, he didnt tell jimmy-steve about the relationship or his father bc he shouldnt find out from him he should find out from his father , again like kash, ned was an older man who payed attention to ian and ned later did develop feelings feelings for ian

he stole lips identity to enlist in the army

he enlisted because he didnt know what to do with himself, its implied/stated that the army timeline was the start of his bipolar

“While impersonating Lip, Ian had tried to steal a helicopter and then proceeded to go AWOL.”

this is because of the bipolar he suffers from, it is referenced later in the series after he gets back and hes manic

ian refused to accept being bipolar

of course he didnt accept it, it is made very clear that his family thinks lowly of monica so of course if hes the lucky duck to get what his siblings demonize her for, of course he’ll not want to be it

“He refused to take medications that could alter his personality or mood.”

okay. this is why im making this whole post, this goes along with part 15 ( or so idk ) ,,

my mother , my dear mother, who is bipolar and doesnt take her meds because they are mood altering , my mom doesnt take med because she told me once that they make her feel like shit, she told me that a little after i was born she started taking them but realized she felt nothing, she felt nothing for my dad or for i ( making her numb )

she told me anti deppresents dont help either because when shes on them and manic it pushes her past productive and into angry

my dad told me that when my mom was on bi polar medication she would seem angry most of the time

he wasnt faitful to mickey

“Ian's bipolar disorder made him very reckless and impulsive and led him to be unfaithful.”

lets break that down.

ians. bipolar. disorder.

this plot point i actually didnt like, mainly bc ian never addresses it so ill give the article a point. but then i take away 2 because they have more of a problem with his bipolar messing with him rather than the fact he never apologized and they never worked it out

ian stole yevgeny

before i start quoting i should mention because his boyfriend, who has supported and helped him is suddenly telling him he needs help, he was helping raise yev so he’ll see yev as his own

“Ian failed to recognize just how crazy he was acting...”

cuting you off right there , he was in a bipolar state, he wasnt ‘crazy’ and isnt ‘crazy’

he cant even keep count of his number of partners

just slutshaming i see

he helped throw frank off a bridge

“His relationship with Frank was understandably never the same after that, as Frank struggled to get over this act of betrayal and cruelty.”

‘was never the same after that’ frank never liked ian, ian was probably his least favorite and that point is very apparent

also , it wasnt just ian , his siblings and his boyfriend caleb

he left a healthy relationship to be with mickey

he fell in love with mickey at 15 , mickey was a comfort and always someone to fall back on, when mickey was taken away and no longer in the picture his heart still obviously was with mickey and when mickey came back he didnt know what to do

he told mickey he had a boyfriend but because mickey has been such a constant in his life he finally has back of course he couldnt resist

he liked trevor, i could tell he did but trevor wasnt the one he watched get r^ped by a russian prostitute, he wasnt the one ian was secretly dating bc it would be a death wish other wise, he wasnt the one there when ian was manic or depressive ( at the start )

he tried blackmailing an old client for money

“Instead of raising the money in an honest manner, Ian chose to visit an old client from his time working at the Fairy Tail and blackmail him into funding the shelter.”

because he felt indebted to trevor and wanted to make it up to him, it would have taken longer to do it in ‘an honest manner’ when his sister would have gotten it instead, he knew how much gay youths like he once was needed a safe place

“He grew up wanting to be nothing like his father, but this whole money-making scheme was straight out of the Frank playbook”

because thats all he knows, he grew up with that ‘playbook’ so of course hes going to take a page out of it, he is nothing like frank , franks money making schemes are selfish and for his own greed while ian wanted the money to help build a safe space for lgbt youth

he let fame inflate his ego

of course he did, hes a southside kid who was destined to fail

also it is very apparent that during the gay jesus era he went off his medication which didnt help

“Before long, he just completely forgot about his ex and focused solely on being a deity”

as much as yes, he did let it mess with his head, he was trying to still help lgbt youth and was going against anti gay churchs , in the end it didnt work out for him because he was off his meds and went over board

he stopped taking his meds

see previous point and ‘ian refused to accept being bipolar’

he actually wanted to stay in prison

because he was doing good in there

ian was helping others and was spreading awareness about lgbt with in the prison , and as him and jail scenes go , we can see people were listening to him and he was trying to make it safe sane and consensual

he let down his army of followers

“Ian admitted that most of his actions were completely irrational and the mere results of his bipolar disorder.”

he didnt want to, we can see this, because he knew he would let down everyone, his family were the only ones to ever ground him and they knew it would be the best option for his own mental health

during the gallavich wedding we can see that a lot of his supporters still have his back because they must know how hard it was for him to put all of that success on something he can’t control

he constantly wasted his potential

this is actually the only point in this article i actually agree with , so only 1/20 i agree with

his relationship with mickey wasn’t actually great

“Mickey spent the first several years of their relationship denying his feelings for Ian.”

he was raised by a homophobic and racist father who he knew would react the way he did when terry had caught the two that one day

“Even after he finally embraced his true self, Ian's bipolar disorder kept them from becoming truly happy together.”

yes but mickey was there for him the entire time and helped him through it, he told him he loved him which was really big for him and did his best to care for him

“They couldn't seem to remain faithful to each other for more than a few weeks.”

back to the point about ians bipolar but for mickey he wanted monogamy , now that scene in s11 may say otherwise but it is very clear that he wants a monogamous relationship with ian and ian ( after getting help ) wants one too, and in the later seasons they are monogamous

“When Mickey asked Ian to run away to Mexico with him, Ian refused.”

he wanted to, it’s obvious, but ian has his family and didnt want to abandon them again, i think part of him knew he would see mickey again because they always find eachother, he gave mickey all of his money and wanted mickey to have a good life

“Their relationship was simply never healthy.”

no it wasnt, but thats why the ship is great in its own way, the gay closet kid raised by a homophobic man is obviously going to have a lot of baggage , and ian who is bipolar and struggling with himself will also have a lot of baggage , but in the end they love eachother and that really shows in season five and season seven specifically

that is all lol ,,, this is long sorry

now, i am not a ian apologist , i love ian but hes a dumbass sometimes

actual valid reasons ian sucks

genuinely believes frank is worse than terry

yes frank was definitely abusive but terry is definitely worse ,,

mentally/physically/sexually abusive , the whole nine yards

terry hired a prostitute to r^pe his son , threatened to kill him and ian on multiple occasions , r^ped his daughter who ended up pregnant and is actively racist

frank on the other hand will make gay jokes but in the end doesnt give enough of a shit , he has attacked his children on multiple occasions but not to the brutality that terry has ( this isnt me excusing it )

sorry ian , terry is worse

never apologized

he never apologized for all the shit he put mickey and his family through, never apologized to mickey for cheating on him , never apologized for all the manic and depressive episodes mickey endured with him

never apologized for walking away when he couldn’t handle it, in hall of shame mickey actually acknowledges this saying ‘its youre whole MO’

debbies sexuality

he has constantly made statements saying debbie isnt gay and that bothers me because , why does it care ? as a gay man and as a gay man who soent time with a lot of lgbt youth wouldnt he support his sister even if shes just ‘experimenting’?

in the recent season he doesnt seem to care and doesn’t say anything but it still bothers me

mickey only getting like 80% of his heart

okay look , i get what ian means when he says this , everyones hes been with has made him who he is but fucking hell dude ,, shut up , thats your husband , thats the love of your life you shouldnt be saying shit like that , especially to him

and then this man had the audacity to say mickey probably feels the same about past flings when he knows that ian is the only one hes probably ever been with/serious about

obviously there is probably more but those are the main ones that come to mind

—

before anyone brings up the trans or bi thing im going to explain my thought process for him

like ive probably mentioned multiple times he grew up southside and obviously only ever grew up with lgb and not t ,, trevor did inform him a lot and ian became supre accepting of everyone,, sexual preference isnt transphobic but i do think he approached the matter badly

now the bi thing , legit all i think is that he doesnt hate bisexual people its just that the man he really liked slept with a woman and never expressed any heterosexual attraction so it probably just suprised him and pissed him off because caleb did cheat on ian

—

if you read this far HOLY SHIT THANKS LOL ,, im not adding things that i think are pro about ian this was just me breaking down that article and giving my two cents :)

feel free to message me and talk to me or send me articles like this about any other character/relationship and i will totally break that one down too lol

thanks for letting me rant

Elias Carstairs, Matthew Fairchild, and the Disease of Alcoholism

I’m very nervous about posting this but I think it’s important. 

Now before you guys scroll past this post, I’m gonna ask that whoever may read this take some time to hear from my perspective. I would like to preface this by saying that I do not know, nor am I claiming to know, what it’s like to face racism and prejudice everyday, nor do I know what it was like to be queer in a time that was less than accepting and terribly cruel to LGBTQIA+ folks. I will not be speaking about either of those things here, as it is not my place to. However, I do know what it’s like to live with an alcoholic. I do know what it’s like to have an alcoholic parent and I have seen what addiction does to a person and their family firsthand. 

Final disclaimer, I am in no way trying to attack or target anybody. All I am doing is providing my own perspective when it comes to the discourse surrounding Elias Carstairs and the differing opinions I have seen in regards to Matthew. I would also like to state that my experiences are my own, and are in no way reflective of every addicts’ experience or the experiences of their children/loved ones. Addiction affects everybody differently. 

I am also not a psychologist or a doctor; everything stated below are my personal experiences as a child of an alcoholic. 

Now let’s get started. 

CW for alcoholism, substance abuse, abuse in general, and death

Elias

When I first started Chain of Gold I didn’t anticipate how much I was going to relate to Alastair. Honestly, I didn’t have strong opinions about him either way; I didn’t hate him, but I didn’t love him either. That was until it was revealed why Elias was sick all the time, and what really happened during his mission. I have never seen alcoholism portrayed in a novel ever. I’m sure there are novels which talk about it out there, but I have never come across one. And for the first time in my life, I felt like somebody understood. There are countless characters in The Shadowhunter Chronicles who have touched my heart, but I will forever be grateful to Alastair and Cassandra Clare for making me feel like I didn’t have to hide anymore, that I was allowed to talk about my father’s alcoholism. Because for 18 years, it had been my secret. For my mother, it had been even longer. 

My father has been an alcoholic for my entire life. I’m sure this is common sense for most people, but an alcoholic cannot be a 100% good and supportive parent. Those two things do not mix. Most alcoholics are alcoholics because of shame, pain, or other mental health problems that they have not sought therapy for. I would also like to say that alcoholism is a disease. It physically alters the brain to make the addict believe that they need to drink just as much as they need to eat or sleep. When you are constantly drunk, it can increase stress or anxiety in everyday life and leaves the addict at risk of developing depression if it was not already there. Many alcoholics suffer with depression, general low self esteem, or various other mental health problems before abusing alcohol; these problems are then exacerbated with daily alcohol consumption. 

My father never abused us, mentally, physically, etc, and he never has. He carries a lot of mental pain and shame with him, which he has continually refused to seek help for. He drinks because he does not like himself; he feels that he isn’t deserving of help. He feels like he messes everything up. And as a child, I used to make excuses for him. “Well, he never hurts us, so what’s the problem?” “It doesn’t affect his work, so what’s the problem?” I was naive then. No matter how “functioning” they may seem, an alcoholic cannot live a completely healthy, happy, and fulfilling life if they drink everyday, even if it seemingly doesn’t affect their work lives. Alcoholics are very good at hiding their addiction. I cried when Cordelia described finding bottles in odd places, or when Alastair described how he tried everything in his power to hide it from his sister and their community. I used to find beer cans stashed under the kitchen sink. Sometimes I’d find them in the spice cabinet. I don’t like inviting friends to my house because I can never be sure if my dad will be 100% sober. I didn’t want people to see him that way. I don’t want to see him that way. 

I have seen a decent amount of posts on various platforms of people wishing Elias dead or wanting him to be completely x-ed out of Alastair and Cordelia’s lives. And while I totally understand the protectiveness many people feel toward Alastair and Cordelia whenever their father is involved (I love them to pieces, too), as somebody who is a child of an alcoholic, I do not and would never wish my father dead. The thought of it makes me sick. Thus far, we know very little about Elias and his personality. We don’t know if he has ever physically harmed Alastair or Sona. This is not to invalidate mental or emotional abuse either, which are just as terrible. And while he does seem to be biased towards Cordelia, which in and of itself isn’t fair, there has been little evidence to show that Elias is violent or abusive. Of course Chain of Iron could prove me wrong, but as of now, I don’t want to immediately assume that Elias is abusive. Alcoholism does not equal abuse, although alcohol can be an expedient to violence. I do not want to invalidate the Carstairs’ experience if that is the case, but I do not want to jump to conclusions either. Of course you can call me lucky because my father has never harmed us in any way. But personally, I find that insulting. When a parent is an addict, regardless of whether or not they harm their children or how involved they are in their child’s life, they will end up leaving their child with mental scars whether it was intentional or not. My father’s addiction and the addictions of countless others cannot be measured on a scale. Addiction hurts everybody it touches, no matter how normal the addict may seem to the rest of the world. 

I know this Elias section is already so long, but I have a bit more to say before I move on to Matthew. Alcoholics make choices, many of them poor choices. They decide whether or not to seek help. They decide to drink another beer. They decide to drive drunk, even if their child is in the car with them. It is a disease which completely takes over every single part of their life. And while it negatively affects their lives and the lives of their loved ones, that does not mean that they are undeserving of help. Any addict, whether they’re addicted to alcohol or heroin or cigarettes, anything at all, needs help. And they most definitely should not be mocked or attacked for their addiction or their attempts to get help for it. Regardless of whether or not they are in recovery or in the thick of their addiction, there is absolutely no reason to mock them. There is no reason to tell them to “just quit drinking.” There is no reason to call them a “junkie” or a “drunk,” no matter what stage of their addiction or recovery process they are in. 

I am in no way excusing Elias’ behavior just as I in no way excuse my father’s behavior. He [Elias] needs to be punished for showing up to a mission drunk and consequently being unable to keep those four Shadowhunters from dying. He needs to apologize to his children. He needs to apologize to his wife. And he needs to recover. Addiction is an ugly, ugly thing. It never just affects the addict. It leaves their loved ones with scars, whether they’re mental of physical. Personally, I can’t stand the sound of metal beer or soda cans being cracked open anymore. I’m terrified of getting married. I can never feel 100% comfortable or safe around drunk people. I refuse to drink. I don’t like thinking about how the only time my dad has been 100% sober was when we visited my grandparents for a week and he had no opportunity to slip away to buy alcohol. I don’t like thinking about how my mother has had to deal with this for decades. I want my mother to be happier. But I also want my dad to recover. Living with an alcoholic isn’t black and white; I don’t hate my dad. I hate his addiction. I love him. He’s my dad. I don’t like seeing him that way. I know Alastair doesn’t like seeing his father that way either. But no matter how much you scream or cry or fight with somebody, people will not change unless they themselves want to. 

Matthew

This section will be much more brief because many of my thoughts surrounding Matthew are similar to my thoughts surrounding Elias. I would like to touch on two things, however.

I have seen people talking about Matthew, or more specifically Matthew’s friends, saying that they don’t understand why they [The Merry Thieves and Co] seem to be ignoring Matthew’s alcoholism or aren’t doing anything about it even if they do realize he has problems with alcohol. Part of it is because of historical context; alcoholism wasn’t considered a disease until very recently, and the beliefs that alcoholics can either a) stop drinking whenever they want or b) are abusive, useless members of society still persist to this day. But the other, bigger part of it is relatively simple: people won’t change unless they believe they can change. Addicts need to want to change in order to begin the recovery process. You can’t force them to. If their heart isn’t in it, they’ll attend therapy or AA meetings a couple times to appease you, and then they will start drinking/using again. Or they’ll lie to you even more, telling you that they did attend a meeting or a therapy session when in reality they bought another pack of beer. Matthew will not seek help unless he believes wholeheartedly that he can change. He needs to believe that he is worthy of change and he needs to truly want to get better in order to begin to make significant improvements in his life. Of course relapses will happen, but the point is that he wants to improve his life. He wants to recover. No matter how much James or Thomas or Cordelia or Lucie tell him to change, no matter how much they want him to get better, he simply will not unless he wants to. It hurts. It really does. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. You can love somebody so, so much, but your love is not going to make them better. Your love will not magically make their addiction go away. To reiterate what I said about Elias earlier, you can scream and cry and fight and give them all of the love until you’re blue in the face, but if they don’t want help, they will not seek it out. Matthew needs help, but more importantly, he needs to come to the realization that he is deserving of that help. He is deserving of a successful recovery. Every addict is.

Lastly, there is something about Matthew and Cordelia’s relationship that has never sat right with me. Children of alcoholics are statistically more likely to get into a relationship or marry an alcoholic because it’s what feels “normal” to us. And while I have always wanted Matthew and Cordelia to become friends, part of this is the reason why I don’t want them to have a romantic relationship. I don’t want Cordelia to have to continue that cycle, never able to escape the effects of addiction. I want Matthew to focus on himself. I want him to recover. I want his friends to support him. I want both Matthew and Elias to have a successful recovery, because the amount of addicts who die from their disease every year is staggering and upsetting. Of course Matthew is deserving of love, but he needs to focus on recovering, both from his addiction and his trauma, before he puts all of his energy into a romantic relationship.

----------

Overall, I want Alastair to have time to be himself, to not have to carry the weight of his father’s addiction on his shoulders. I want Elias to recover and to apologize for how he has hurt his family, whether it was intentional or not. I want Matthew to forgive himself and to realize that he deserves to take up space in this world just as we all do. And I ask that you, whoever may be reading this, to try to feel a little more compassion for these characters and addicts you may know or meet in your life. Or to put yourself in their shoes and the shoes of their loved ones. We should not be mocking them, or hurting them, and we certainly should not be wishing death upon them. There are far, far too many addicts who have died because of their disease and their mental pain. When dealing with addicts or the loved ones of addicts, I ask that you try to support them and encourage them to seek help, whether it’s therapy or AA or any number of support groups. The effects of alcoholism and drug addiction will stick with the addict in recovery and their loved ones for the rest of their lives. Some days will be harder than others. But the important part is that, when those hard days come, they have a support system of therapists, family, friends, even people online to remind them why they are in recovery and to encourage them and their progress, no matter how small. An addict in recovery, no matter how slow or fast their progress may seem, is better than an addict who has died because they never sought out the help they desperately needed.

If you read through this entire thing, thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to read through my personal experience. This topic is very important to me, and while I’m relatively new to tumblr, I still felt the need and the obligation to share my perspective. I’m not trying to sway your opinion of Matthew or Elias, just to maybe make some people think about this complex issue. If you aren’t a fan of either of them, that’s totally fine. If anything, what I would like you to take away from this is to be more aware of alcoholism and its effects. If something doesn’t seem right, speak up. I will be providing resources below if you or a loved one needs addiction counseling or help, or if you simply would like to learn more about this. If you have anything to add to this, would like to share your opinion, or have a question for me, feel free to reblog or message me in my ask box. Please be respectful, y’all! This is a sensitive topic and it affects everybody differently; I want this to be a civil discussion, not a witch hunt.

Thank you very much for reading and considering my point of view. 

Resources:

What is Alcohol Use Disorder?

SAMHSA (a helpline)

Alcohol Rehab Guide (this website also includes educational resources and a helpline)

Substance Abuse Helplines and Treatment Programs

How Parental Alcoholism Affects Children

x Secrets of The Lake: The Company of Misery and Pain

{ Chapter 12 }

Summary: Vladimir Masters’ family tree has always been tainted by secrets swept under the rug. From generation to generation there have been countless reasons the Masters’ family had seemed to keep private from the public. Even to this day, Vladimir was no exception. But what was one to do when a restless spirit from the settlement years finally breaks free from restraints and demands you answer for your ancestor’s crimes? Vladimir doesn’t know. However, Clockworks does.

Notes: We just having fun, rewriting some of the canon, new adventure new characters. I will apologize now for any grammar, spelling, weird sentence structuring in advance. My brain writes faster than my fingers and even when I go back through to reread it I still miss things. Sorry about that!

Word Count: 3992

P.s: This chapter was...something to say the least. Maybe a bit out of place but I promise I'll make up for it.

He didn’t know how long he stared into his computer screen, watching the cursor blink impatiently for the rest of the email. There were only three lines worth reading and the first two were introductions of having a good day and hoping to be found in good health. After that, he couldn’t remember his mind fading away until he heard the sound of his office phone ringing. Blinking a few times and determining the email could wait till later. He closed the laptop and turned towards the phone to check the small caller ID screen. It was another business call that the secretary pushed through and Vlad didn’t really feel up to answering it. He pressed the wait button then switched the lines to call to the secretary desk.

“Yes, Sir?” The chipper voice answered and Vlad winced, she was always too happy for his liking.

“Hold all my calls.” Vlad loosen his bowtie from around his neck and shrugged off his suit jacket.

“Of course, Sir.” Vlad hung up the call and leaned back in his chair taking a deep breath and letting it out. Ever since he left the house he could feel a small throbbing pain in his core. He did his best to ignore it, waving it off as nothing more than a phantom pain from a few days ago. But as he tried to go about his day he found himself wincing and clinching his chest every so often. The amount of ‘are you okay’ and ‘do you need a moment’ were getting rather annoying, and thus an hour ago Vlad locked himself inside his office. A slow hand made its way up to his chest once more and Vlad held it there. Tayonna must have really tied herself to him during their first meeting for pain like this to continue. As another faint throb did its course, Vlad felt himself being somewhat paranoid and worried. For who or for what he didn’t know, but the emotions were there and he didn’t know what to do with them. And then, like a snap of a finger, the emotions and the pain in his core were all gone, leaving him breathing heavy.

He sat up and rubbed his temple trying to figure out what was happening. He couldn’t continue like this until the end of the day. Making up his mind he grabbed his jacket and headed towards the door.

“Sir?” the secretary jumped as Vlad stormed past her.

“I’m ending my day early, any messages or papers that I need to review I will do so tomorrow. Good day Mrs Andrews.” Vlad didn’t care that he was yelling halfway across the office space as he headed towards the elevator. When he hit the button for the elevator he quickly grew anxious as he watched the floors ding one by one. Cursing the world he turned on his heels and walked over to the stairwell. When the door closed behind him and he peeked over the railing to make sure he was actually alone, he turned ghost and zoomed down to the last floor. Turning human again he quickly walked out the emergency exit towards the parking lot. It was when Vlad finally made it to his car and into the driver's seat that he realized he didn’t want to go home. Naturally, he would be on autopilot after work to get in and drive home. But right now, in the newfound free time he has given himself, he didn’t want to go there. Empty or not. Starting the car Vlad chose not to make any real decisions and drove any which way he felt like turning the wheel.

For three hours Vlad mindlessly drove around Amity enjoying the scenery. Even in places he visited constantly he found new hidden beauties. Has the town always been this lovely? Vlad couldn’t recall nor really remember how often he was able to go out and actually look. Of course, Vlad made sure to do his mayoral duties while in office which consisted of many community projects. But he never truly got to see the outcomes of them, this was amazing, more so than he imagined. He made a mental note that he would have to put time aside for himself to go out in nature. By boy scout honour Vlad swore it that he and nature would once again connect in dear time. As Vlad continued to drive around somewhere on the lower east side of the town a call came through his car’s display. 

“Masters speaking,” Vlad answered.

“I called your office and Almeria said you ended your day early?” Kate sounded a bit breathless on the other end, she was most likely walking somewhere. Vlad huffed quietly.

“Today doesn’t seem like my day either.” He grumbled.

“Water pipes still busted?”

“Hmm...yes and it cost so much to get them repaired.” Vlad had nearly forgotten the lie he had told everyone. Between the morning meetings, the concerned employees, and the pain in his core, Vlad didn't really hold that lie up as important to remember since no one had asked.

“You’re rich, you should be fine. I called to tell you I finished meeting with one of the historians at the Virginia State Library.” Kate pulled away from the phone to give a quick ‘pardon me’ then continued. “There weren’t any recorded documents of any members of your family settling nor doing business in central Virginia during the 17th century. As you know the records the state library has ranges across the whole state. However, there is another library that I’ve contacted that has another set of records that covers small businesses and land that also date back as far. I’ve already set up an appointment to meet with them tomorrow.” Kate pulled away from the phone once more to order a small coffee and a cookie and Vlad felt his sweet tooth spring to life.

“Well good news to you, Miss Way, I have a name that will narrow your search. Vladan Masters, or at the time Masters would have been spelt M, the A and the E would have been mashed together, G I S T E R. Look closer to the end of the 1600s as that’s when he would have been of age or so.” Vlad felt a weird shiver crawl up his back as he spoke the name. Almost like hands latching onto his shoulders and shaking him a bit. He quickly rolled his shoulders and tried to shake it off but it still lingered.

“Right, thank you, Sir, I’ll let you know what I find.” Vlad hung up the call and before he could actually figure out where he was during his little drive. He was parking his car right outside his home. Vlad didn’t want to go in, but he couldn’t sit in the car the rest of the day. ‘You seriously can’t allow some ghost to kick you out of your own house’ Vlad thought to himself taking another look out the side of the passenger window up towards his mansion. 

“Of course not,” Vlad scoffed and got out of the car and headed up the stone steps to his front door. Looking around for any nosy neighbors to make sure the coast was clear. Vlad ghosted through the door and hung up his jacket on the coat hanger. He couldn’t feel any form of energy on the main floor, the house felt almost as cold as it did a few years ago. Vlad hated to remember how empty and alone he was during his darker years of self isolation. He could remember how sad he actually was when the only person waiting for him was Maddie the cat. But when she passed the home grew cold till Dani was brought back and welcomed Vlad’s offer. Vlad teleported into the kitchen in a poof and looked around, nothing, he poofed to one of the living rooms and still no one, he did this all over the first floor until he confirmed the ghost wasn’t around. He floated upstairs and towards the guest room and looked inside and that’s when a feeling of calm settled through his body. Tayonna sat on the bed looking out the windows down towards the garden.

“Evening Miss Tayonna,” Vlad cleared his throat and walked inside but stayed close to the door. The ghost turned around from the window and Vlad could have stumbled over himself at the sight of her. The sun was high in the sky and hung over her like a halo and made her seem to glow. Specks of the sun peeked through her curls warming her skin into a soft brown with red undertones, and her eyes seemed to glow a soft green. She has always taken my breath away. She still wore her stoic expression of wariness and yet it made her seem untouchable. Vlad didn’t know he was holding his breath until his lungs began to scream for air. He tried to not make it obvious as he exhaled and nodded towards her.

“Masters.” Tayonna nodded back towards the man then turned back towards the garden. Vlad felt his heart sting in pain at how cold his name came from her lips. Had he wished for her to call him the wrong name again? Or maybe just not as bitter? He was used to others calling him Masters in an aggressive manner but with this ghost, Vlad knew he didn’t like it.

“I would like to talk to you about this problem you are facing and see if I will be able to aid you.” Vlad didn’t move from his spot, he knew moving closer wouldn’t be a smart move, and the last thing he needed was a blast to the face. One less fight was best for the both of them. 

“Help me? How can you help me when you-...when he isn’t here to be held accountable for his crimes.” Tayonna’s words were bitter and came as more of an attack on Vlad even when she corrected herself. She pulled her knees closer to herself and tucked her head into the space between her body.

“Well for starters you could begin with telling me where you’re from and how you became a part of my family.” Vlad tested the water by taking a few steps closer towards her but quickly stopped when he saw her jerk up and narrow her eyes at him. He held up his hands and raised his eyebrows to show he meant no harm and Tayonna seemed to let her guard down. “May I?” Vlad pointed to the edge of the bed and Tayonna pulled her feet in so there was more space between them. Vlad took that as a yes and sat down comfortably on the edge. He crossed his legs and waited for the other to respond to him. He hoped it would be soon because his tolerance was low and he wouldn’t be doing this all night if he didn’t have to.

“I was brought from the coast, stolen from my people and bought by yours.” Vlad wanted to correct her, his family hadn’t done it, but he knew she meant more so the colour of his skin. “Luther picked me like a friend and his parents were against it.” Vlad wanted to cheer for the fact he had been right. “But he begged them and eventually I was brought to their home. I was ordered to stay by Luther’s side and aid him.” Vlad was surprised by how much he was getting from her. He was sure all day yesterday it would have been hard to get her to talk. But he supposed it was better than having to build up trust over the course of days then finally getting somewhere.

“Do you remember where the family lived?” Vlad turned more towards the girl in hopes he could read her expression. He could tell it pained her to talk about it. Before Vlad could register what he was doing he stuck out a hand and took hers, flipping it over so her palm faces upward and used his thumb to rub circles in the middle. Tayonna gasped softly and she looked between him and what he was doing before yanking her hand back towards her. “I-I’m sorry, I have no idea why I did that.” Vlad held his head and quickly turned away from her. At that moment he had a strong thought that he knew how to calm her down. He knew exactly how to use his thumb to draw small circles and how it would make her feel a bit better. When he touched her, he even felt calmer, relaxed and dare say remorseful.

“No, I don’t,” Tayonna answered and turned back towards the window. Vlad nodded and shot to his feet to leave. He didn’t turn back as he strolled towards his bedroom and slammed the door behind him. Vlad quickly kicked off his shoes and fell into his armchair. His mind was now a scattered mess as he scolded himself for doing something inappropriate, if he kept feeling this pulling feeling towards her he was going to get nowhere. Every time he got too close, Vlad’s mind would draw a blank and he would feel and think things that weren’t true. He felt dangerous emotions he would consider private and untouched that would muddy and mix. Vlad grumbled a fruit and snapped his fingers. A ghost maid was quick to manifest beside him and he told her to bring him a drink. Within seconds the maid was back with a tray of not only a full glass but also the whole bottle. Vlad smirked and silently thanked her for being so generous. 

He slowly took sips as he thought of something else to distract him. Work, no, the drive home, not enough, how annoyed he was, that was never a good one. Then finally he found it, though he had told himself he had moved on slightly he still couldn't help himself to think of Madeline. The way her beautiful blue eyes shined as bright as the moon, or the way her now short fiery hair framed her much more mature face. The way she laughed, the way she carried herself with so much power and confidence, the way she could be so serious and yet so caring. Surely it had to be from having children that made her softer but underneath she was hellfire and Vlad could only dream of having her. Dream of what it would have been if he had had the chance to truly woo her.

I have to say sorry, she has to understand. There it was, the little voice in his head that he couldn’t make vanish. Understand what? Vlad shook his head and took another sip of his drink trying to get back to his little fantasy. ‘Maybe two drinks would be better than one’ Vlad thought to himself and finished off the rest before pouring more. I was scared, we both were scared. ‘Scared of what?’ Vlad didn’t want to acknowledge the voice, he didn’t care, he wanted nothing more than to forget about it. He tried to down his second glass but the burn in the back of his throat made it a bit impossible. Vlad was never a heavy drinker unless time called for it, but he always had to drink slowly even then. ‘What were you scared of?’ Vlad grumbled and tried his best to ward off the voice and his lingering questions. She has to know why I did it. Vlad quickly figured out the voice in his head spoke of something else. But of what was still a mystery.

“Shut up,” Vlad grumbled but that only made the voice get louder and louder. It had started as a whisper yards away, but now it was as loud as someone speaking right into his ear. “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” Vlad covered his ears as the voice started to ramble on and on about forgiveness and how sorry it was. Then like an ice shower, the voice in his head changed and sounded just like him. I love her. Vlad felt something standing behind him and jumped from his seat and turned around to shoot off an ectoblast. He manically looked around and soon landed on the red mist floating down towards the ground and slipping out of the door.

“Get away from me!” Vlad's ears rang in slight pain as Tayonna’s voice rose to a dangerous scream. He stumbled over his feet to get out of his room, the red mist was slowly making its way towards the guest room and Vlad heard Tayonna scream again. I had to protect her. Vlad knew these weren’t his thoughts but he felt the pull of energy flowing through him to aid Tayonna. He turned into Plasmius and shot through the walls until he arrived in the room. Vlad gasped as the room was filled to the ceiling in the red mist swirling around like angry thunder clouds. Tayonna was no longer on the bed but the floor on her knees holding herself. Vlad flew down and tried to touch her but a force threw him back against the wall. 

Vlad groaned and got back onto his feet, in front of him the mist pulled together like a thick wall between him and Tayonna. Tayonna was beginning to cry and Vlad felt his body act on its own as he tried to shoot down the wall with an ectoray. But like jelly, the mist gobbled up his shots and swallowed them. As he continued his attacks the mist twisted inwards forming into a face. Vlad’s face but in a way he was unfamiliar with, pure anger and laced linings of betrayal. The mist then began to shrink into a silhouette of Vlad and slowly stocked its way towards him. Vlad gritted his teeth and clenched his fists as he activated his electric powers. He could only faintly remember Tayonna doing this so it had to work. As the mist got closer Vlad shot at it, stunning it a few times but never stopping it fully. The closer it got the angrier Vlad was and a bit worried about what was going to happen. Tayonna was still too choked up on the ground to do anything, not that she could with the collar on. 

“Blasted!” Vlad yelled cursing himself for putting that thing on her. She would have been so helpful right now. “You’re nothing but memories of the past! You’ve done nothing but make her restless and cause trouble for everyone.” Vlad didn’t know why he spoke to the mist as if could hear. But somehow he knew it understood him by the way it would stop a few times. He watched as the mist’s face would halt then twist back into anger, his anger, his rage, Vlad felt it. “Memories can be destroyed, forgotten, and even replaced! You are nothing!” Vlad yelled out once more but that seemed to only make it worse. Within a few quick like static steps, the mist took hold of Vlad by the neck in a vice grip. 

Vlad’s eyes widened as the red mist started to turn human, starting from the fingertips the mist vanished and a tan hand gripped tighter. Like water being sucked out of a stream the mist finally reached the face and Vlad’s heart stopped beating and his core ran cold. He was staring a variant of himself right in the eyes, like an angry lion who had finally had enough of its prey. The doppelganger was every bit of Vlad had he never been shot by Jack’s prototype. Tan skin that saw the softer days of being outside, vibrant cold blue eyes, and dark raven hair that fell a bit beyond the shoulders. But this Vlad seemed so out of place by the clothes he wore. Like a puzzle solving itself Vlad knew now. This was Vladan. This was the person Tayonna was looking for. 

“Then we must help her forgive.” Vlad felt the chills run down his back as he heard his own voice but with a thick German accent. As he tried to pull away and attack once more his doppelganger pulled him closer and squeezed his neck. Vlad gasps and he wishes he hadn’t as he felt the mist starting to fill his body. Vladan began to fade away but the grip on Vlad’s neck stayed as all the mist was sucked into his body like smoke. It burned the back of his throat as the fire in his body became sporadic. He felt a clench on both his heart and his core as mist filled his lungs and seeped into his bloodstream. Every muscle in his body began to clench causing him to fall to the floor only being able to catch himself with his hands. Vlad’s vision began to blur in pure red and he was blind to everything around him. Vlad felt himself fighting and losing control over his body as the pain shot up and down, finally nesting into his chest. He couldn’t scream, the only sound to leave his body were broken breathless grunts and pants. His airways were beginning to collapse.

“Let go of him,” Vlad could faintly hear Tayonna’s voice getting close to him. “Get away from him or I’ll take all of us down.” Tayonna crawled towards Vlad and shakenly placed her hand on his back. She said something in a language Vlad couldn’t understand before a wave of pressure shot Vlad down completely to the ground. The hold on his body released as Vlad heard himself scream above him. The mist lifted halfway out of Vlad’s body with a painful scream then dove back in. Tayonna said the same words over and Vlad felt the weight of the world push him down again. He didn’t feel any pain anymore from his chest but whatever Tayonna was doing did start to hurt. Vlad tried to push himself up to stop Tayonna but she pushed him back down with the same line of words. 

“Tayonna wait,” Vlad said breathlessly and weakly as he once again tried to get out of her hold. “Tayonna stop.”

“Get out of him!” Vlad had somehow managed to roll away before Tayonna could mumble her words again and send him slamming into the floor. Vlad felt his powers cave and he turned human. His hair had managed to fall out of its ponytail and pool in front of his face. Vlad didn’t have the strength to push it out of his way as he felt Tayonna move closer to him. He felt her hand inch closer and he quickly spun around to grab her wrist and pull her down. He rolled them on the floor so he was now on top of her with a tight grip on both of her wrists. He panted hard, he felt so tired but yet he had to keep her down. Inside his body he could still feel the mist travelling through him and then settled into the middle of his core. With a deep gasp, Vlad felt the mist absorbed itself into him. Still breathless and near the brink of passing out, Vlad let go of one of her wrists and brought his hand to her cheek.

“Meine Geliebte,” Vlad knew it wasn’t he who whispered it but he felt the power behind it as he finally felt his body give out and roll off of Tayonna. Tayonna was frozen to the ground as she replayed the words over and over in her ears. Through the same colour eyes, Tayonna saw the man she had once loved. A single tear rolled down her cheek as her eyes stayed wide and her body became numb.

Secrets, Secrets are No Fun

This was from a prompt that Carlos got a drunken piercing and decided to hide it for a little while from TK.  Cue the longest week of TK’s week as his mind goes to much worse places.  

The only light they had was from the TV mounted on the opposite wall with the volume turned down low.  TK much preferred the view of his boyfriend’s skin than whatever could be playing on the screen.  He had a hand around the back of Carlos’s neck and his tongue was happily sweeping against the roof of the latino’s mouth to make the other man shiver pleasantly.  It was early enough that they could spend some quality time together before it was time for bed.  His hand slowly moved lower to slip underneath Carlos’s shirt to stroke the soft, toned skin of his stomach when their kiss was gently broken unexpectedly and Carlos was looking at him apologetically.

“Sorry, Carino,” He said softly with one last peck to his lips.  “I’m really sore from my shift today.  I think I’m going to take something for it and head to bed.”

He was gone before TK could think about protesting.  He sat on the couch a bit dumbfounded and unable to process how weird that was.  Carlos had been up to taking himi apart when he had three broken ribs a few months ago and now with some muscle aches he was cutting them off before things could really start to heat up?  TK understood, but he still thought it was pretty strange behavior.  He moodily went back to watching the show playing on TV, the dismissal still rubbing him the wrong way even though it hadn’t been meant to sting.  It wasn’t until a commercial played with someone featured that looked a lot like Alex that he figured out why this was bothering him so much.  

He’d seen this before and it had taken him a minute to realize.

This is what Alex had done for months to him before the failed proposal.  The entire time he was cheating he found any excuse possible to slip away from him when they became intimate.  It was always something believable enough that he couldn’t argue, but still rather strange.  He was put aside and dismissed until Alex had no choice but to get rid of him in pieces.  It made his blood freeze when he realized and something heavy settled on his chest.   Alex had been the reason for his overdose.  He had almost died.  He couldn’t survive that kind of pain again.  It had left him empty for months and he was barely starting to truly be himself.  

The mere thought of having that kind of pain again made his breathing quicken.

He felt absolutely ridiculous at the tears slipping down his cheeks.  He knew this wasn’t like last time.  Carlos would never even think about cheating on him.  Their relationship was true, real and steady.  TK was falling in love again and this time he was completely safe with Carlos holding his heart.  He was being awful for even thinking this was the same thing.

Then again, hadn’t he thought the same thing when Alex pulled away?

~~

“Are we really back to this, Strand?” Judd’s voice rang out across the locker room and this was really the worst day he could have picked to start a fight.  Carlos had been avoiding him for a week now and his paranoia was getting the best of him and he was so damn angry.  He was angry at himself for once again being too afraid to just ask Carlos if he was cheating, and he was angry at the world for having this happen yet again.  Why couldn’t he just be happy?  Why was that too much to ask?

“Get off my back,” TK snapped in return as he shoved his gear into his locker.  He wanted to be grateful the shift was almost over, but then he had to go home and face Carlos’s weird behavior and have his mind run wild at the possibilities.  His mind had decided Carlos was cheating on him the way Alex had before, but he had no proof in the slightest.  Carlos never went anywhere besides the police station and home as far as he knew.  Except one night last week he had gone out with Michelle to that same gay club they had taken Paul to drink and have a good time.  TK had had no problem letting Carlos let off some steam with his boyfriend while he was waiting at home with aspirin and a glass of water before tucking a drunk Carlos into bed.  Was that when Carlos had slept with someone else?  DId he want a guy he could go out and have fun with instead of a guy riddled with problems that couldn’t take a sip of alcohol?  

“I’ll get off your back when you get it through your thick skull how to follow an order,” Judd folded his arms across his chest with a mixture of disappointment and anger on his face.  TK knew he had a tendency to take much greater risks when his mental health was suffering and this week he was finding it hard to deal with anything.  He was so scared Carlos was cheating, or had cheated, that he wasn’t sleeping and therefore had been having panic attacks all week.  He was exhausted and missed when everything was peaceful in his small world.   He had run into a fire against a direct order from Judd, and then his dad as well.  The building hadn’t been stable and TK had gone in anyways to save the last civilian inside.  It had been a heroic act, but also a very stupid one that had ignored orders.  “You could have been killed!”

“Well, if I had then you wouldn’t have to put up with someone not listening to you.”  TK knew that Judd was still suffering silently with his own problems and his offhand comment about dying on a call was a low blow, but he couldn’t find the energy to care.  

“Man, come on,” Judd pleaded with him.  “Don’t be like that.  We are just looking out for you.  I know you knew that building was compromised.  I wasn’t telling you anything you didn’t already know.  Why would you run into something like that?  I thought you were past the stage of being a spoiled brat.”

TK had to fight against a sob at the light jab that really meant nothing.  He knew he had started this fight and that Judd’s comment was only out of frustration and not of any true malice.  Alex had called him a brat when they would fight constantly.  He always teased him for his dad spoiling him and being his favorite back in New York.  There had just been too many reminders of Alex’s manipulative behavior this week and this was one jab he couldn’t stomach.  

“Kid, talk to me,” Judd’s voice was much softer now as a hand came to his shoulder to stop his path to the showers.  “What’s going on, little brother?  You’ve been off all week.”

“I think Carlos is cheating on me,” TK broke down and told the first person other than himself what he was terrified of.  “He’s been acting weird and pushing me away all week long.  This is how my ex acted for months before he told me he found someone else.  I can’t go through it again.  I can’t handle it.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Judd brought him into a light hug when it was obvious TK’s insubordination was more out of upset than anything.  “Carlos would never cheat on you, I mean that.  He’s not that kind of guy.  He’s crazy about you.”

“I thought that about Alex too,” TK said miserably as he swiped at his eyes and sniffed a few times.  The truth was he would survive Carlos cheating on him, but that kind of pain terrified him.  

“He knows he’d be castrated between your Dad and I if he even thought about cheating on you, kiddo,” Judd teased with a ruffle of his hair.  When TK glanced up he saw the other man’s eyes filled with sympathy and compassion.  “We’ve got your back no matter what, but I really don’t think he would ever even think about it.”

“I’m sorry about today,” TK muttered with his cheeks heating up.  “I act stupid when I have personal shit going on.  It’s a thing that I’m not exactly proud of.”

“You’ll make me grey before I’m forty I swear,” Judd patted him on the back a few times before giving his shoulder a squeeze and letting TK get on with his shower before he would head home.  He really had to talk to Carlos before things got out of hand more than they already had.  He knew the conversation wouldn’t change whatever the truth was.  Who didn’t love living in ignorance sometimes though?

~~~

TK had had the day off and he spent the whole thing pacing around Carlos’s house and psyching himself up for a conversation that made his stomach disappear.  He had to do it tonight and get it over with.  His stuff was already packed up, what little he had acquired over the last few months, and if the case was Carlos had found someone out he would calmly walk out and pick himself up again.  He would not tear himself apart if the worst case scenario was true.  His dad still needed him around and that would have to be enough to keep him strong.  

The headlights swept across the front window and TK sat on the couch with his knee jiggling impatiently as he waited for Carlos to come inside.  He ached for the days when those headlights had him stripping his clothes with a smirk on his face.  It had been ten long days since Carlos had hinted at wanting anything more than a few kisses from him.  Their whole relationship wasn’t about sex, but TK definitely felt closer being physically intimate with a partner.  

“TK?” Carlos closed the front door with a fond smile and took off his shoes.  “I’m so glad you’re here.  I’ve had a long day and seeing  you has made everything else worth it honestly.  Want to order some dinner?”

“Yeah, our usual pizza?” TK was glad for the distraction when the sight of Carlos made his throat tighten.  It was one thing to think of the most amazing man he knew cheating, but seeing those kind eyes and imagining them looking at anyone else the same way had his heart breaking.  

“You alright?” Carlos’s voice softened and of course the world’s best boyfriend would know when he wasn’t okay.  He couldn’t take the kindness right now.  If Carlos was going to break his heart then he needed to just get it over with.  

“Are you cheating on me?” TK’s voice shook horribly as he finally got out the question that had been bothering him for over a week.  He was proud he held his tears back as they instinctively wanted to fall.

“What?  Am I what?” Carlos’s look of shock seemed genuine enough and suddenly TK was thrown back to when he had accused Alex of the same and the waves of anger that followed.  Turns out he was right in the end, but he was afraid he had made Carlos angry at the accusation of something so horrible.  Could he ever understand that he was being judged by another man who had wronged him?  Did Carlos understand that TK was still barely held together with tape and glue after putting himself back together?

“I’m sorry,’ TK mumbled.  “I’m being stupid.”

“Hey, love, look at me,” Carlos’s hand came to cup his cheek as he forced their eyes to meet.  This time he couldn’t hold the tears back.  “I am so sorry for whatever I did to make you think that.  I would never do that to you.”

“You haven’t wanted to be with me for ten days,” TK said shyly as he nuzzled the hand on his cheek.  

Whatever reaction he expected it wasn’t for Carlos to turn the darkest shade of red he had ever seen and start swearing in Spanish under his breath.  

“Carlos?” TK was confused now and wondered what was actually going on.  That reaction wasn’t one of guilt so maybe his fears were as unfounded as Judd had told him they were.  Maybe his anxiety bran was thankfully wrong this time and had blown all of this out of proportion.  

“Dios mio,” Carlos muttered as he stripped off his shirt slowly and TK couldn’t miss the wince when he did so.  “I did this and I was too embarrassed to show you until it was healed.”

TK followed the vague gesture to his boyfriend’s chest and couldn’t miss the red and inflamed skin there.  He looked closer and saw a shimmer of silver and realized a ring was framing Carlos’s right nipple.  A fucking ring was sitting right there and had been the reason for so much grief.  One barely suppressed giggle was all it took before TK was laughing harder than he had in weeks and having to lean on the back of the couch to keep him upright.  The red deepened on Carlos’s cheeks as his boyfriend crossed his arms and looked away.  

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” TK gasped out as he tried to reign in his laughter and try to figure out what was going on.  “When the hell did that happen?”

“The night I went drinking with Michelle,” Carlos muttered   “Drunk me is a complete idiot and thought this was a good idea.  I thought you might hate it, but I didn’t take it out in case you liked it but then I wanted it to look better before I showed it to you.”  Carlos sighed a long suffering sigh before his brow furrowed and he looked at TK with a level look.  “Why would you ever think I was cheating?”

“It’s what my ex did,” TK replied, his mood sobering as quickly as it had broken down in laughter.  “When he was two timing me he pushed me away for weeks before that and called me crazy when I mentioned something was wrong.  I’m sorry I assumed the worst.”

“I’m so sorry,” Carlos came close, pressing a kiss to his cheek.  “That must have been awful for you.”

“Work hasn’t loved me this week.” TK grinned at him and felt the tension that had gathered in his stomach finally leave.  He happily wrapped his arms around Carlos’s waist and looked thoughtfully at the piercing next to his line of sight.  “I think drunk Carlos has some pretty good ideas.  The piercing suits you.”

“That’s all that matters is what you think.” Carlos hugged him tightly and TK surged onto his toes to kiss Carlos deeply like he hadn’t had a chance to all week.  

“We can have some real fun with that,” TK whispered against Carlos’s lips as he led him back to the bedroom.  He was planning some pleasurable torture for the week he had just endured due to a tiny piece of metal.  

Fuck it.

Summary: Loki and Tony have been dating for a while in secret, one day where the ex-Rogues are getting too much on Tony’s nerves and he decides to say fuck it to their little secret.

Pairing: IronFrost Tony Stark x Loki

Words: 2.0k

A/N: 1st fic of 2021! Tell me what you think about it :)

Tony frowned as he felt the sun’s rays hit his face. He simply didn’t want to wake up and face the cold outside of his bed and the people outside his bedroom.

He nuzzled closer from the “not that hot” body that was lying next to him. He felt the body’s chest rise up and down quickly as the same time as hearing a low laugh. Tony groaned and half-heartedly hit the torso of the other male.

“Stop laughing at me Loki. You’re just a comfy pillow.”, Tony stated, voice rough because of the previous night.

“Oh, considering what happened yesterday night, I’m more than just a pillow to you huh?”, the Asgardian asked a smirk playing on his lips even though the other couldn’t see him.

“Meh, just an upgraded pillow.”, Tony grinned as he moved to take a look at his lover. He looked at his pale features and bright green eyes and kissed the dark-haired male softly.

“I wish we wouldn’t have to leave that room…”

“Me too darling… Sadly we have to go or those companions of yours will wonder why Tony Stark didn’t left his bedroom and they will find a stupid reason about it as if you’re going to murder someone…”, Loki said, a small frown on his face.

“I know, they act like assholes, but we have no other choices but have them here.”

Tony sighed and laid back his head on Loki’s torso, closing his eyes to savour the moment they were having before they inevitably had to separate themselves from each other for the day. After cuddling for extra minutes Loki regretfully pulled away and put on his clothes.

“Sorry love, I have to go back to my room…”

“It’s okay Loki-doki, see you later then.”, the nickname made Loki groan playfully as he pulled the last piece of cloth on him and left to go to his bedroom.

Tony stared at the now closed door and felt his heart ache from the emptiness he felt, even though Loki just left. He wishes they could spend every second with each other but alas they couldn’t. Mainly because they were housing the ex-Rogues with whom he wasn’t on good terms at the moments. After all, he received a nearly fatal wound from someone he admired greatly, of course their relations would be very strained.

Tony sighed and stood up, looking for his clothes and put them on before checking if he had any hickeys or not and when satisfied with the covering of his . He gathered all his mental strength and stepped out his room, locking it behind him and left to go to the kitchen, trying to dismiss the feeling of dread in his stomach as he neared the room and arbored a look of tiredness and confidence as he stepped inside.

Some ex-Rogues were eating but luckily for him Rogers was probably jogging or something else and Tony was glad for that. Even though he wasn’t the most aggressive of the band, Tony felt constantly judged by the man and the ghost of his father every time the blonde male was trying to talk about what happened.

Tony took a mug as he nodded politely to the Rogues present and made himself a cup of coffee and waited a bit impatiently and slightly anxious. He heard the haughty scoff which obviously came from Wanda and tried not to wince at the thought of her being able to use freely her powers against him if she ever wanted.

“Of course, the great Tony Stark wouldn’t talk to us. He’s better than that after all.”

Tony closed his eyes as the last drops of coffee fell in into his mug and grabbed it, trying to put a pleasant a face and turned to face her and the others.

“Well good morning then Wanda, good morning to you too Clint and Natasha.”

Tony walked away to his lab, a fake air of confidence to avoid any questions and once he was in one of his favourite places in the tower he dropped the act and sighed tiredly. Having the ex-Rogues clearly had taken a toll on his mental health but sadly he had no choices to accept them, mainly because he felt guilty leaving his ex-comrades even though they were the one who messed with him in first place but also partly because the government didn’t like to see their star super-hero being a fugitive so of course they wanted him to become once again a great team.

Tony sipped on his coffee and started to work on his current project, giving instructions to Friday and gently lectured DUM-E whenever he brought the wrong object to help him. Bruce came later in the room, starting his own work quietly, sometimes disrupting their quiet work by asking some help for something. Tony really enjoyed working in this calm but sadly every good things have to ends and it happened when Steve decided to step inside the lab.

“Stark, we need to talk.”

Tony kept working on his project.

“We can do it here. What do you want Rogers?”

“I’d like to know if we’re obligated to have Loki around. Wanda and Clint feel really uncomfortable whenever he’s around, and truth to be told I am too.”

“Oh and you don’t think I’m uncomfortable around Wanda?”, Tony scoffed but stopped working to avoid any accidents.

“C’mon Tony that’s ridiculous, she’s a child who made mistakes! Loki is a grown ass adult who tried to invade the Earth and murder everyone! Why is he here anyway?”, Tony could feel Steve trying to keep his “golden hero” façade by trying to keep himself from yelling at Tony. The dark-haired man turned to face the other hero.

“Well if you had read the news asshole, you would have known that Loki had been mind controlled, which means he attacked Earth against his will. He could have invaded Earth from anywhere but no, right in New York where a lot of heroes are stationed. A bit weird for someone who want to submit the planet huh? Seriously Rogers, Wanda is not a kid either she’s in her 20’s!”

“Tha-That’s not the same! She was tricked into thinking they were friendly!”

“Well the situations are quite the same in my opinion! Anyway, I don’t even know why I bother talking about this to you? If you have a problem with anyone in the team, I’m not the boss here you should see Ross and the council they’ll decide of solutions and all.”

“Tony you can’t dismiss this like that!”, Steve took a step toward Tony, making the man

“I-“ “Rogers, not only he can, but he just did. Why don’t you go see Ross like Anthony advised you?”

Loki stepped in, seemingly out of thin air (which wouldn’t be surprising considering the man’s powers). Steve stared at the Asgardian, turning a bit red and stomped awa.

Tony sighed as Loki approached him.

“Are you alright love?”

“Yes thank you Loki.”

Tony felt soft lips touching their forehead and he happily sighed. Bruce was still in the room but ignored the two lovers. They didn’t mind being affective in front of people who actually cared about them, they knew they wouldn’t be judged, and it was better to keep their relationship between people who really mattered to them to avoid any complications.

They stayed close to each other for a few moments before Tony told him he had to work on his project. Loki offered to help or at least stay in the lab in case Steve would come back to bother him, but Tony rejected the offer.

Loki kissed him in the cheek and left to train with Stephen. Tony kept a soft smile the whole time, that was the effect the ex-villain had on him. He heard Bruce laughing and he turned his head to hide he was laughing about Tony.

“Shut up Bruce there’s nothing funny!”

The other man tried to calm himself as Tony looked at him dead serious, trying not to break character because holy molly it was great to see Bruce laughing freely and in genuine happiness. Once Bruce calmed down they resumed their work but not for long before they got interrupted again, this time by Clint.

“Stark. Why is Loki roaming free around me?”, Tony couldn’t help but sigh, the Rogues weren’t able to discuss between each other to coordinate their complains.

“Barton. I can’t resolve this issue, I’m not the boss here and earlier Rogers came to talk to me about this issue. He went to see Ross so if you would please go and join them instead of bothering me during work.”

Tony heard Clint stomp away and sighed before continuing his work. He didn’t see the time pass and before he knew it, it was time for dinner and Bruce reminded him, forcing him to leave his work alone. It was something that happened during the time the Rogues weren’t here yet, he had taken upon himself to eat at reasonable hours and was “forced” by Loki to sleep a bit more than before and truth to be told, he felt a bit better.

When they arrived in the kitchen, everyone was already here and the only place available was next to Steve, but luckily to his left there was Loki and Tony sent a secret smile to his lover, which got reciprocated by a smile smirk and a heated gaze making Tony feel hot on the inside. But he didn’t ignore the glares Loki was getting from most of the ex-Rogues, mainly Clint and Steve who’s meeting with Ross didn’t seems to go the way they had hoped.

On the inside Tony felt really glad Ross and the council had denied whatever request they had made about Loki, even if he knew that it wouldn’t have been accepted, considering that the Rogues were on a kind of probation with everything they did prior to be re-integrated to the Avengers they wouldn’t be believed unless they brought substantial proofs.

Everyone dived in the meal, trying to keep it civil between but of course it didn’t last before Loki couldn’t help but make a sarcastic jab toward Steve’s behaviour with Tony, making everyone start an argument.

Tony sighed tiredly, he knew they shouldn’t have accepted trying to have a meal with everyone pre and post Russian bunker incident reunited in the same place for a meal. He just wanted to everyone to shut up and eat their meal but he knew it wouldn’t be so easy. He ignored the injunctions that were thrown at him by Wanda and Clint and instead observed Loki’s face who was sporting a smirk on his face as he was arguing with the Rogues, clearly insulting their abilities and, in that moment, Tony found him extremely hot.

Tony decided if everyone was already hot angry why not throw some grease on the fire. This would be fun. He suddenly stands up, catching Loki’s shirt collar in his hand and kissed his lover, cutting short the Asgardian insult toward Wanda’s magic and well shutting up everyone because they were now gaping at him.

Tony stopped kissing and winked at Loki who seemed shocked for a split second but quickly put on a grin and licked his lips.

“C’mon Loki-doki, let’s eat in the lab it’ll be quieter.”

Steve was spluttering, shocked, and most of the Rogues were trying to find something to say about the display of affection that just took place in front of them.

“Also, yes, I’m dating Loki and we’re damn happy. And you clearly don’t have a say in this. Go complain to Ross, again, and everyone who you think they care and see how they will react.”

Tony snatched his plate and left the room, quickly followed by Loki who had a shit-eating grin on his face. Once they were in the lab Loki talked.

“Well love, that some spectacle you put out there.”

“At least those little assholes will actually have something to complain about.”

Loki laughed, from now on the Rogues will definitely will have to worry not only about the PDA but also on which surface they want to eat their food on.

Dating Jungkook ~ BTS Headcanon

Getting Together:

He’d watch you all night long, but be terrified to actually approach you

The boys would push him into going towards you

Jin would probably accidentally push him to force you into conversation

He’d start with an anxious giggle before nervously introducing himself

The two of you would meet for coffee a few days later, something casual to get to know each other

JK would ask you thousands of questions about you

He was really interested in hearing about you and learning more about your character

He would be an absolute gent, paying for all your dates, picking you up, holding doors, the absolute dream

Initially he’d be scared to touch you, not wanting to come on too strong, keeping any affection brief and subtle

Any time you spoke he’d have a wide smile on his face, he loved the sound of your voice

He would try and keep as much of your relationship to himself despite the boys constantly presenting him with questions about what was going on

Secretly he would want to see you everyday, but would try and see you every couple of days, taking you to different places

There was no rush, he wanted to be sure that you were the one he wanted to be with, even though he knew he liked you, he didn’t want to be too full on too soon.

The date that he did take you out on to make things official was very romantic, every fine detail had been organised so everything could run smoothly

He kept it lowkey, a night at his flat, he cooked and then the two of you could watch a movie, JK hoping to sneak in a few cuddles

You could sense something was strange the second you walked through the door, he was biting his lip, keeping conversation to a minimum.

“Everything alright?” You asked, panicking him more as he realised he was so nervous even you had noticed, the last thing he wanted was for you to think you had done something wrong

He would pull out all of the stops for your meal, surprising himself with just how good it actually was

The two of you engaged in your usual small talk, bouncing off each other

As he placed desert down in front of you, he would take a deep breath, composing himself for you

“Please don’t feel like you have to say, I understand if you say no, but I feel like we’ve been getting on so well, and I think you’re really pretty, and kind and I like being with you, so would you like to be my girlfriend?”

Your smile assured him, reaching for his hand across the table having seen how nervous he was

When you accepted he swore he could have cried, how did he get so lucky?

That night the two of you definitely cuddled up watching movies

Every time Kookie spoke to you he’d add the word ‘girlfriend,’ to the end of his sentence

Being In A Relationship:

It took a while for him to adjust to the whole relationship thing, he would often question whether he was doing the right thing or not

He would quickly tell the boys making sure they knew you were off limits and not to get any ideas

He’d also tell all his friends and family, being his first adult relationship it was major milestone in his life

Since you were officially his girlfriend he always liked to hold your hand, it was the perfect way to always make sure you were there

It was clear how happy he was by the look in his eyes, always staring at you

On the inside he was ecstatic but on the outside he played it cool

Always laughing

Giving you lots of compliments always

Hiding your makeup because he much preferred your natural look

Snapping candid photos of you, saving them on his phone to look over when on tour

Texts every morning to wish you a good day and texts every night to wish you a good sleep

Keeping a close eye on your health, eating and drinking plenty

Cooking for you when he wasn’t sure how well you’d eaten, wanting to keep his baby happy

Having a secret code that none of the boys understood to communicate without them knowing

Always being invited to events, Jungkook loved when you dressed up, especially knowing he’d get to walk around with you on his arm

Showering you with little gifts, usually he would buy you new jewellery so you stopped trying to pinch his

The fans absolutely adoring you both together, your ship most definitely strong

JK would always want a cuddle

He’d find a way to hold you against his chest most of the time, running his hand through your hair

Lots of spooning, he loved to be the big spoon and make you feel protected

Hugging you from behind often as the taller

The two of you would often exchange clothes, embracing the scent of each other

Keeping with tradition and going on dates every couple of days

Hanging out in the studio into the early hours to keep him company

Souvenirs from the different places he travelled to on tour

One of his candids of you being his lock screen

Leaving voicemails because of the time difference

Writings songs about you, but not explicitly mentioning you

He made no secret of your relationship, not caring about the cameras

Little notes around the flat reminding you of how amazing you were

You trying to sneak little peeks of his abs from time to time

Long phone calls, especially when you hadn’t seen each other for awhile

Tickle attacks when you least expect it

Kisses on the head to just make the point he’s taller

Often coming home to him running you a bath to help you destress

The other members treating you like you were one of the family

Jin constantly reminding you both he technically introduced you to each other

Staying up until the early hours of the morning, cuddled up to watch the sunset

Surprising him at the studio with lunch

Jungkook always keeping a very close eye on you, not wanting you to be in any danger

Taking one of your teddies on tour so it felt like you were there

The best dates ever

His favourite spot to take you was the fair so he could show off and win you a prize

Visiting the same coffee spots and restaurants, always ordering the same

Probably being better than you at everything (because JK is just good at everything)

You being the first to hear his demos and give you him your honest opinion

Sleeping in until late morning because Jungkook just wanted to always hold you

Affection/Skinship:

In public he’d usually just hold your hand

Behind closed doors he was always all over you

Trails of sloppy kisses along your jaw working his way down from your earlobe

Tracing your skin under your shirt, fiddling with the hem of the material

Always sleeping with you close to him, and if you tried to move his grip would tighten

Back hugs when there was space in public

Light kisses in passing, nothing too OTP

Lots of tickles

Neither of you rushing into sex

Sex was meaningful, loving, Jungkook would want you to feel relaxed and enjoy it

He would work off of your cue, not wanting to push you into anything

He usually initiated sex, normally his hands would be your signals, wandering along your skin

Intimate, candles in the room, maybe light music in the background

From time to time he would dominate, using his muscles to throw you about and lift you up

Hands always in your hair, pulling you wherever he wanted you to be

Big on eye contact

Not that big on quickies, he wanted to take his time to appreciate your body

Cuddles after sex were a guarantee

Lots of conversation, sweet nothings were a big thing

He loved to hear you shout his name

He much preferred to give, his tongue could do things you never had imagined

Shower sex

He would wrap you up in a blanket when you were done, holding you close

Lots of praise, you definitely knew how to make him happy

Arguments

There was nothing worse than arguing with you

He hated to see how upset you were when you disagreed

Usually he would be the first to apologise because he couldn’t stand the tension between you two any longer

No matter how angry he got he would never raise his voice at you

Always attempt to talk your problems out so that the same issue didn’t arise again

He panics when you argue as he doesn’t know how to handle the situation

Even the smallest of arguments hurt him, he can’t stand any tension or discomfort anywhere

He’d be prepared to give you distance, but would soon cave, desperate to have you in his arms

The studio is definitely his hub when you’ve argued, he’d use his pain to try and create some powerful lyrics

He hated to show you his vulnerable side, but arguing terrified him of the thought of losing you

You would only apologise if you were wrong, you were a lot more stubborn than he was

Neither of you ever swore, that was one thing you both objected to

Any comment you made about him he would take to heart, you’d spend the next few days reassuring him it was all just heat of the moment.

It would take awhile for the two of you to go back to your usual selves after an argument

You both still had a huge amount of love and respect for each other even if you argued

You both said things you didn’t mean, but you always resolved your arguments

Your Relationship With The Boys

If Jungkook was the golden maknae, you were definitely the silver

They looked after you like a younger sibling, protected you from everything

Jungkook made it clear where the boundaries are and the boys obliged, even if they teased him a few times walking the tightrope

None of them ever moaned about you being around, it was nice to have a girl around to mother them sometimes

You could laugh and joke but never stood for any of them picking on JK

They loved to have you on tour for makeup tips and ideas on their hair

Jungkook was thankful you got on with the boys so well

Namjoon definitely led you too, he and Jungkook were very close so he took you under his wing

You were closest to Taehyung, your interests were very similar and he would love to sit and talk to you

Hobi was the one to always make you laugh, just a funny face was enough to set you off into a fit of giggles

Jin would definitely tease JK the most, he’d always poke you or give you a cuddle, Jungkook keeping a close eye on him

Suga was the one you could talk to most about your problems, he was great at giving advice and listening to what you shad to say

Finally, Jimin was like your elder brother, you would both come up with pranks for the boys, filming them on V Live.

The Future

Jungkook decided to wait a couple of years before proposing, he hadn't rushed from the start and wasn’t going to change that

Simplicity was key, his proposal was romantic, a nice beach walk just after he had returned home from tour

You married in his hometown, lowkey, the boys and your families present

You both had the desire to have children, but only once his career quietened down

He knew from the moment he met you that you were the one for him, and nothing could ever change that

Masterlist

CSUAVS prt 38 update. I got myself confused

Lance wasn't doing ok. Physically he was getting better, but as the infection in his chest cleared, surgery loomed around the corner. The procedure wouldn't be performed on the Atlas, but instead on New Altea. Lance didn't want to leave so many things unanswered. He didn't want to be pushed aside and disregarded, which was exactly what felt like was happening. Keith was his main line with the outside world. Shiro dropped by from time to time, sometimes Curtis was with him and sometimes he was. Hunk had come by twice but was acting distant, unable to meet his eyes despite the fact he'd nearly crushed him in a hug as he cried his eyes out over being so worried about him. Shay had shyly come to enquire about his health and wish him well. Krolia had thanked him for his service and thanked him for getting Keith back home in one piece. Even Zak had ventured up to tell him he was an "idiot", but "an idiot that had done a good job". He knew Acxa and Keith's team had come by when he'd been napping, catching the tail end of the four of them talking outside the door... So he didn't know why he felt so hollow inside. Actually. He did. His fight with Veronica. His sister angered that he'd taken such measures without thinking of their family, and without consulting her about it. He couldn't admit the truth of what happened with Klearo to her. He couldn't admit that he'd fucked up from the very beginning then was tricked by someone who he looked up to. Veronica had basically insinuated that he was a burden, who didn't know what he was doing and should have stayed on Earth. She didn't get it. She didn't get to him that being a "burden" was his greatest fear. She didn't get that his drug and alcohol abuse had steadily grown worse, or understand the way he wrecked their family with his mere presence. Keith tried his hardest to help him through his moods and panic attacks, but he felt like he was shackling Keith down with his depression. Keith who still treated him like he was the most treasured person in existence. Keith who said they'd work things out... then left things in the air. It wasn't like he wanted to talk to the ship's councillor... but when they didn't come by his room, he had to wonder if Keith wasn't secretly enjoying him being so messed. The disgusting thought left him unable to look his boyfriend's way for vargas, ultimately serving to hurt Keith when he hadn't done anything wrong. Which he wasn't. Shiro's actions had told him that. No. It wasn't fair to blame Shiro. Keith had desperately needed the healing pod, and Lance couldn't be more relieved that his boyfriend had been healed. He just... felt... insignificant. No matter how he sat or laid, some part of his body hurt. He missed eating real food, being stuck on a liquid diet until after the surgery. He missed being able to move around, and shower unaided. Keith had been granted permission to help him shower. Each of the sticky sensor pads had left bruised behind after pealed off his tender skin. He was losing weight again, and losing his drive. He wasn't ok, and was only getting worse as he was kept waiting, unable to feel like he was being punished for getting Keith in harms way, by not being healed. He got that the Atlas couldn't leave it's orbit over the Altean ship while the investigation was on going, but didn't get why Shiro didn't open a wormhole to New Altea so that he could be put in a pod. Being comatose for a phoeb or three sounded ideal when compared to sitting in a very uncomfortable hospital bed, or trapped in his nightmares all night long thanks to the sedatives Daehra had prescribed to help him sleep through his nightly coughing fits. Lance didn't want to take more drugs. The more he craved them, the more he tried to push them away. He knew it was dangerous to fall back into his bad habits, but these new ones were working for him. They weren't filling up that hole in his heart from being unwanted, or easing the guilt he felt from relying on Keith. Quintant after quintant he was left laying there as it blurred together. To him it was like being left that cell all over again. He was constantly waiting to wake up and find himself being dragged out to Klearo's bed. Or to wake up and find himself still in the outpost, with Keith having been stolen away and cut to pieces. He wasn't stupid. He knew there had to be a network of connections when it came to Kre'el. She was just one woman... A woman he wanted answers from. A woman who'd lied to him so seamlessly and easily that the thought of her made him feel physically ill. None of these symptoms were going to clear before he was forced off the Atlas. Shiro probably didn't want him to ever return. He probably didn't want him anywhere near his team, and it didn't matter how illogical the arguments were for why that was so, his anxieties had him wrapped around their little finger. Shiro wouldn't haven't jumped in to help him, had it been him alone. He knew it. Like really knew it. The voice in his head whispered it over and over, never a kind word directed his way. He was his own worst enemy. With each quintant that passed, he was sure he was moving that much closer to insanity... Sure he was slipping away from the most wonderful boyfriend a guy could ask for. He didn't want to tie Keith down with his mental health issues. He didn't want to keep having panic attacks out of nowhere, and dreams he couldn't wake from. He wanted to be strong for Keith, but had no idea where to begin. * With his arms loaded up with bedding from the Telula and a treat from Hunk, Keith was running late. Daehra was on "Lance Duty" for the morning, his panic attacks so bad that Keith didn't want him left alone. He honestly feared for Lance hurting himself without realising he'd done it, or even worse, being caught up in a flashback and lashing out against someone he loved. Neither of them were really happy about Lance being transferred off the Atlas and out to New Altean, without answers. Lance was going through so much and taking him away without giving him answers was cruel as hell. His boyfriend wasn't reacting well to the news, hence why he'd dropped down to the kitchen to see if Hunk had something chocolaty to lift his spirits, then it was down to the Telula to get Lance a nicer blanket than the one on his hospital bed, back up to the kitchen to collect two chocolate milkshakes that looked like everything Lance wasn't supposed to be having. Lance's was packed with extra vitamins and minerals, but Keith had forgotten which one was which. His mind too busy. With Daehra and Lucteal, who was acting like Lance's personal bodyguard and limiting access to Lance's room, he knew he had the time to rustle up his surprise after a quick check up to make sure his ankle was healed properly... only for Shiro to corner him just short of his end goal. The expression his brother wore could only mean trouble... Opening the door to the room beside him, Shiro had planned to ambush him. The conveniently empty room said as much. Taking the milkshakes out of his hands, Shiro placed them down on the desk by the door, before crossing his arms and giving him his best "dad" look "Something you want to tell me?" "Uh? I was grabbing a blanket for Lance..." "Not about that. Well, about Lance, but something a little more pressing" "Not that I can think of..." Keith was confused. Shiro had that calm anger thing going on, like he was ready to snap, or turn on that disappointed tone. Personally Keith would prefer the violence, but knew Shiro would opt for disappointment because it hurt more. Reaching into his pocket, Shiro pulled out a small vial of shimmering red liquid. Keith's shock was written all over his face as he stared at the vial. Daehra wasn't stupid enough to just leave one laying around... and he had no idea how he was about to talk his way out of this. Opening his mouth, he made a weird kind of squeak before getting the words out "How did you get that?" "When Lance kept refusing painkillers, I watched over the camera footage from his room, and what do I see? I see Daehra injecting this into Lance's IV daily. I've had it analysed Keith" This wasn't his secret to be telling... Shiro had no right putting him in this position "Do you want me to tell you what I found? Or should I have you tell me what I found?" "I... ugh..." "You what Keith? Do you know how dangerous this is! You've known about this for phoebs, haven't you!?" Keith wasn't sure how Shiro pulled off apocalyptic rage that sounded do disappointed. Shaking, he nearly dropped the blankets "What were you thinking?" "Lance..." "Lance what? Didn't want me to know? You should have known better. I told you how dangerous this stuff is. If he has a drug problem, you should have told me immediately. Do you know how dangerous this is? How addictive this is? Do you understand what kind of a situation you've put me in?" Tears rolled down Keith's face and dripped onto the blankets, unable to meet Shiro's eyes "Well, do you?" "Sh-Shiro... it's not what you think" "What I think is that Lance has a drug problem you've neglected to inform me of. Do you have any idea what kind of complications that this could have caused during his surgery?" "You don't understand..." "Then tell me!" It'd been years since Keith had felt the fear that had his heart racing and his stomach flipping. The fear that came from parents or parental figures... dropping to squat, he buried his face in Lance's blanket, breathing in his scent as he tried to calm down "Then I'll go ask him..." "No!" "Then start talking. Does Coran know? Is this the secret you've all been hiding from me?" Keith shook his head. Yes, it was a secret, but not that one "You don't understand... what he's been through" "What's that supposed to mean?" "I can't... Shiro... it's not my secret to tell" "I'm sick of hearing that. This stuff could kill him. Is that what you want? Lance dead?" Falling back onto his arse, Keith shook his head "He could have died on the operating table" "Shut up!" "Keith, tell me what's going on!" "They got him addicted to it! They kept him drugged up while they tortured him! We... he... we left him alone... he was doing everything he could to forget... we've been... working on... bringing him off of the drugs. He's been making progress... then this happened. He doesn't want to be dependant on them. He doesn't want to..." Breaking down into sobs, Keith felt awful. Another precious secret gone up in flames because of him. Gulping for air, Keith hugged the blanket tighter as he rocked "We were working on this... he was getting better... you had no right..." "Keith..." "No! Don't you dare! Don't you dare... He's my husband, of course I knew about it. Of course I was helping him with. Of course he was trying to get past it... You have no idea how bad Earth was for him. He feels like he broke his whole fucking family... They kept him on this stuff... and... he doesn't want to be... he doesn't want to take them... that's why he wouldn't take more medication. He knows he has a problem, but you can't even trust him! You couldn't trust that Daehra understood. She didn't know how bad those injections were... not until... until after... I came. He couldn't cope, Shiro. He felt like none of us wanted him... he still doesn't feel wanted. This was his case and you're sending him away with no answers. He was working hard out here... only to be betrayed" Angered, Keith didn't realise the slip of his tongue calling Lance his "husband". He couldn't stop crying "I don't want him to die... I don't want him to die... he's my whole fucking world... Coran... we... would have talked to him... not where you could find out. All he's wanted is your respect. He... can't see how amazing he is... because he feels so inferior to everyone..." Keith hiccuped "He's falling apart because of this... you don't know what it's been like for him..." "Lance could have reached out for help at any time" "No..." "Yes. He knows we would be there" "No he didn't!" "Keith, you need to calm down for me" "How can I do that!? You just accused me of wanting him dead!" "I..." Keith knew Shiro pushed because he worried for the pair of them, but that didn't mean anything. He'd well and truly crossed a line "I'm sorry. But you can understand how much of a shock this has been" "It wouldn't have been a shock if you could just trust people..." "He has a drug problem" "And we were dealing with it" "What if something had happened?" "Like what?" "Like he hurt someone when he was high" "It doesn't work like that. Lance doesn't get violent without a good reason" "Are you saying that as his partner or as his friend?" "Both. He's in so much pain all the time... we've been working so hard to get though things" "And that fight you had, where he left, was that to do with this?" Keith shook his head "That's between Lance and Krolia. As far as I know, she and he have talked" "You've still left me in a tough position" "It doesn't have to be. You're sending him away anyway..." "I'm not sending him away. I'm transferring him so he could have surgery and finally go into a pod" "Something you couldn't have done sooner? You couldn't have shipped Kre'el off to Altea?" "No. You know that as well as I do" "It feels like according to you, I know nothing. It's not my first time around drugs, Shiro. You know what those homes were like. You know you can't do jack shit to help anyone who doesn't want help. He asked for help" Sighing, Shiro moved to squat down across him "You know I care about both of you. I'm just shocked that you didn't come to someone who was more experienced to get advice and help for him" "I talked to you. I talked to Coran. I talked to Krolia. I even talked to Lance's mum. But none of you could tell me what I needed to know. How could I betray his trust like that? He needs safety and stability. He needed to get his feet back under him" "I'm proud of you for trying to help him, but you're not trained in these kinds of things. Frankly I don't know if I can continue to let Daehra treat him when she's been giving him such a dangerous substance. I love you both, and all I want is the best for Lance, but you understand that these secrets aren't helping him, or helping me to figure out how to help him" "Shiro... please..." "We're both going to have a little talk with Lance about this" "You can't" Keith's heart was breaking. Lance was going to be torn apart by this. He was already depressed as it was. The conversations they did have were never about what happened, Lance steering away from the topic every time they nudged it. If they weren't talking, Lance wanted to cuddle... but his husband would stay silent for vargas at an end. He'd been so focused on getting Lance through the surgery and then into some kind of counselling and help like he'd asked for that he hadn't foreseen this kind of a speed bump. Carrying the two milkshakes with shaky hands, Shiro had plucked the blanket out his hold as the pair walked into Lance's room. Lucteal had practically glared at Shiro, acting like he didn't want to allow them access to Lance's room. And quiznak if Keith wished he hadn't. Sitting up in his bed, Lance's face brightened up at the sight of him, before falling as Shiro followed into the space "Babe... have you been crying?" Stupid Lance, seeing right through him even when he was trying to hold it all. Shaking harder, Keith barely made it to Lance's left side, placing the milkshakes down on a rather expensive looking machine that was off "It's ok, babe. I'm ok. Daehra, can you give the three of us a little space?" "She should..." "Shiro, trust me on this. Daehra, it's ok. We just need to talk to Lance about something" Daehra's eyes flicked to the IV bag, her empathic senses probably knowing what this was about "Lucteal and I will be right outside" Nodding, Lance seemed to retreat further into himself "Why don't you two go rest? I have a feeling this isn't going to be all that fun, so I'm already scheduling my after scowling nap. I've already had it all from Veronica, so we might as well get Shiro off the list too" "Alright, I understand. Keith, you know what to monitor for?" Avoiding Lance's gaze, Keith jumped at Daehra's question "Uh... yeah. Go ahead" "Please do not upset him further. He has been through quite a lot. A lot of which you would not understand" There was no settling the silent thing going on between Daehra, Lucteal and Shiro. He'd hoped for Lance's sake the would have patched up their differences over the past three movements, but that remained a big fat nope. Leaving the room, the three of them were left with a few very pregnant moments silence passing between them. Keith couldn't take knowing what was coming. He'd very nearly avoided a panic of his own under Shiro's words. Lance seemed to know whatever was going on wasn't something he wanted to talk about, and Shiro... had flicked out the blanket and was now laying it over Lance's bed. Which was supposed to be his job. He didn't want Shiro's stupid scent on his boyfriend's sheets "What is this about? Can you just spit it out already? Did you get data off the ship from the samples? Is that it?" Lance let out a dry laughed before continuing "So what are you here to laugh at me about? The drugs or what Allura did to my body? Or is it the torture? I had the feeling they filmed it... Maybe... How I fucked up and nearly got Keith killed? There's few things that make Keith cry, and with how guilty he looks, it's not something small" Keith wanted to tell Lance to shut up. His tone hurt to hear, as did him exposing all his secrets to Shiro... He hadn't thought about the fact their sample data may still exist with the outpost being destroyed, but it made sense to him that the data would have been sent on before the scene of their crimes were erased. From how Kre'el opened a wormhole, their had to be a secondary location she'd had in mind. Pulling the vial from his pocket again, Shiro held it up for Lance to see "You told him?" There was that disappointment again... this time from Lance "Keith didn't tell me. When you refused pain medication, I examined the video from this room. For privacy I had the sound turned off, but for security I left the cameras on given the prisoners we have onboard from the ship and from the mining moon the ship crashed on" Lance let out a small "oh" as he nodded "So you know I'm a drug addict?" "Keith told me how it happened. That they drugged you during torture?" "Yep. Can't just quit the stuff because it'll shut down my body if I do" Keith shifted, he didn't want Lance to hate him. He knew Shiro was only being so hard because he cared, but... he didn't know what to do or say in this moment "Lance... I'm sorry this happened to you, but why didn't you tell any of us? We could have gotten you help sooner. This could have seriously complicated your surgery. We nearly lost you... we all nearly lost you" Crossing his arms, Lance huffed "Geez Shiro, why would any want to brag that they were addicted to drugs. That I needed them to get through the fucking day. Let me just casually drop that into a group call. Hey guys, guess what? I'm a fucking druggy who's fucked in the head. Even got that touch of brain damage to prove it. Yeah. Because it's that fucking easy when you were enjoying your lives without me. Also, I heard you. I heard you yelling at Keith. I think the whole fucking floor heard you yelling at him. If you've got a problem with me, then you talk to me. You don't sneak around stealing things from my ship, and you especially don't take it out on Keith when he has been trying his hardest to get me off them. I know you worry for him, but he's the same damn age as when you went missing off Pluto. I don't want you fighting or yelling because of some waste of space like I am" "Lance, that's not what I think at all..." "Babe, no. No, you're not a waste of space" Their words overlapped. Keith could understand Lance lashing out. A tiny bit maybe even pleased that his boyfriend had scolded Shiro for yelling at him "Lance, when I saw you on that ship, cradled in Coran's arms I realised how close we'd come to losing you. I couldn't pull Keith out the healing pod... and I didn't know what to do. I don't know what to do now. I'm honestly scared for you. Scared that this could lead to you dying. And I'm scared of Keith being dragged into a situation like he did in those foster homes. There's safer ways to come off of the drugs. I know you rely on Keith, but I'm worried about the strain it'll cause on both of you" "Shiro, I'm not a kid. Not anymore. I appreciate that you came at Keith's message, and I appreciate what you've done for both of us. But this, isn't your problem. That's why you're not listed as my next of kin and Keith is in charge of my medical decisions. You should forget you saw this. It's being handled" Shiro was trying. Keith knew he was trying. He still held that anger from being kept out of the loop on this, but he was trying in his own way to make Lance see that he wanted to be there for him. Raising his head, he swallowed hard at the expression on Lance's face. It was getting too much for him "I can't forget something like this Lance. And pushing it aside isn't going to help. I care about you. Please rely on me. Please let me help you. I want to help you" "I know! You weren't supposed to know! We were working on it... weren't we?" Red-rimmed eyes looked to Keith for comfort. A hand shyly moving to pat the space next to him. Forcing himself forward, Keith climbed up into the bed, Lance curling into him as he held him tightly, nuzzling into the soft curve of the Cuban's neck as pained scent poured from his love. Shaking, his emotions were bubbling up, the dam breaking as he cried softly "We were, baby. We are. You've done so good. I'm so sorry... I didn't want... I didn't want to tell another secret" "No... shhh, I understand. I'm sorry... I'm not strong enough to..." "You are strong. So strong..." Shifting Lance's legs up and between his, Keith positioned Lance so he was leaning against his chest. The angle better for Lance's lungs "I want to die... I'm so tired... of being disappointment" "When we get to Altean, we're going to get some help. I'm not going anywhere" "It's so busy in my head... I crave it so badly..." "I know" Because he did. Lance didn't need to spend vargas explaining himself. He got it. He wasn't oblivious to the physical pain... but Lance was working so hard at being clean of everything he could be clean of. Working so hard not to keep falling apart and to find a way to keep breathing... despite what he might think or how he might act "I thought you forget... no... no one came to... to talk to me" "You thought I forgot you need help? I thought it might be easier on New Altea. Away from here" "I don't want to leave with everything how it is" "I know" "I don't know how long I'll be the in pod... I hate them. I hate them so much... I don't want to wake up. I don't want to... miss more time" "Babe, I'm not going anywhere. We're accidental married remember. I can't let someone swoop in and whoo my husband out from under me" Lance gave him a wet laugh that sounded like music to Keith's ears "Never. Never... no one but you" They'd forgotten they had an audience. Both of them crying softly as they nuzzled, seeking comfort from the person they loved the most. "I... should be going then... Lance, I want to help you. So think about it, please. Anything I can do... I respect you. And I respect what you went through. I know Daehra doesn't like me, but your team... you've got a pretty amazing team. You're a good leader. I was wrong. It was wrong of me to think I understood things better than you did. Especially out in this area of space. The work you did here, it made a real difference. And you should be proud of that. I'm sorry for ambushing you over this. We nearly lost you and I didn't want to lose you to something like this... something that I could be there for..." Sniffling and hiccuping, Lance was the kindest soul he knew. Touches had been setting him off, as had certain smells, but reaching out his busted arm, he bit his lip at pain as he waved Shiro into a hug. Shiro hugging into Keith more than Lance, most probably out of respect. Sniffling as his eyes grew wet, Shiro was just as bad as the two of them "So, accidental husband's?" Lance let out a laugh "We... didn't know we were getting married at the time. There was this alien princess who stood had us stand in this gold ring and drink this horrible wine stuff..." Kissing Lance's cheek, Keith nodded "It was Daehra's little sister Annla. We got married on their planet before we came back for Hunk and Shay's engagement party. We're still working us out... but yeah, accidentally married the best guy in the universe" "You mean the only guy who could love your mullet" "It's not a mullet" "You could grow it down to your arse and it'll always be a mullet" "That's it. If I stay with the pair of you any longer, I'm going to catch your idiocy. Lance... please, even if it's Coran. Let him in?" "Coran... knows most of it... not... not all of it... but he knows most of it" What Coran did know, Keith didn't. They'd talked before Lance had developed the secondary infection and a little after, privately "That's a really good start. I'm sorry I came down so hard on both of you. You're both like brothers to me" "Thank you, Shiro. And can you keep the whole marriage thing a secret? Hunk would kill me. He already tried to kick me out when Lance was having a panic attack" Lance didn't respond. Shiro didn't seem to notice as he detached from the hug and passed over the two very melted milkshakes. Giving Keith's shoulder on last pat, his brother left them. When the door to his room closed, Lance let out a groan "Babe?" "I fucking hate this" "What?" "He apologised and I know I should feel better or some shit, but I don't know how to feel. I've been so fucking mad at him. He said it was for security but I feel like it was because I'm such a fuck up... I don't even know if he would have come and got me... and... Kre'el... why not transfer her? How's their investigation going? Have they been to Erathus? I feel like... like he can't trust me with any of it... I have... so many... I didn't want to burden you... I..." Lance's breathing was becoming uneven. Rubbing his back with his free hand, Keith sighed softly "No, babe. No. I don't know what Shiro is doing, or why he's running things like that, but there's so many things happening at the moment. I don't doubt he cares for you" "It's... hard to let anyone else in. I feel so weak" "I promise you, secret husband of mine, you're strong as hell" "I take it you're the one who let it slip?" "I'm sorry. Shiro... he brought up some feelings I haven't really dealt with properly. From my time in the system... you know, that disappointed tone that only parents can give" "I'm so sorry, babe. I heard him... and I didn't understand it all. How did he even get the vial?" "I don't know. He shouldn't have called us out like that. It's none of his business" "He's your brother. He's worried for you. Especially after what you went through in the system. God. I wish I could back in time and met you sooner. I wish I hadn't picked so many fights with you... I hate that you went through that" "I hate that you're still suffering" "You're suffering too. I don't like bringing all these memories back for you either. Do you maybe want to tell me?" No. Hell no. Lance was down on himself as it was. Hearing Keith's messed up childhood was the last thing he needed... So why wasn't that what came out? "Only if you want to listen" "Keith, I want to know everything about you... when you're ready. Not when Shiro has scared the quiznak out of you. I can smell your fear all over you. Don't push yourself" Keith let out a deep breath of relief, Lance smacking him playfully with his milkshake "It's not that I don't want to tell you" "You'll tell me when you're ready. Believe me, as the messed up one, I get it. Can we finish these then can you help me shower, Daehra won't let shower alone? It's not Shiro's fault but his scent is setting me off" "I... don't like his scent on you either. We could skip the milkshakes?" Lance shook his head, clipping Keith's chin as he did in his enthusiasm. Cringing back, Lance frowned at him "You promised bed and chocolate... and I might be trying to hard right now not to start crying because you're being too nice to me"

Fenton Headcanons!

Here are some headcanons to better explain Fen and the several aspects of him that make up his history, personality, and ideology! It may not be exactly canon all of the time, so I will just say that my Fenton is canon divergent right now and settle that matter.

I’ve given my portrayal of Fenton a lot of thought in how to keep him separate from others by giving him a different source of inspiration and there fore ideals and standards to live by as he goes about his life. Note that this source will give him the workings on who to base his own superhero persona off of, while still trying to be his own person both inside and outside the suit.

First off, he’s always been a major fan of Supermallard and his heroic deeds as it just seemed like the duck emanated hope, justice, warmth, and kindness while still putting those in the wrong behind bars or a prison that could sustain them. Whenever he was placed into his larger fights, he would do all that he could to make sure at the end of the day that the lives of those he protected would be safe and the villain in jail or taken to a maximum security station. Seeing this at such a young age inspired him to be someone like Supermallard too, a kind, considerate, and overall intuitive person. He had always believed in doing nice things for others, but the comic and the character inspired him to be someone that could help the world someday.

Because of this, he tries to give himself a more deeper voice when in the armor to mislead others into thinking that he’s older than he really is, even if is voice isn’t exactly too used to it. It is also to ensure that the young ones have someone they can look up to and depend upon to rescue them.

The comics did give him a little more of a feel for wanting to delve into super science, hence why he decided to make that his major as he is still going through college to finish up his master’s degree. Being 26 doesn’t leave him much choice in the financial state he’s in so he just has to continue on going and finish the degree course, not that he minds that.

Fenton definitely does like to be safe and secure in the experiments and things that he does, even when it involves risks. Usually the only time he’ll be reckless is through underestimating, lack of needed knowledge, or just plain unconscious.

With that, he does have some trouble dealing with opponents that are exceedingly good with machinery or magical elements, as his list of experience right now is barely even at professional level for superhero stuff.

He does practice his in Gizmoduck armor whenever he has time to do so on his schedule and not already fighting crime, living out his life as Fenton, or creating new inventions for McDuck Enterprises.

Reading about Supermallard’s alter ego, Duck Kent, has made Fenton more of a person to be skeptical of the events that go on around him and the things people say. Whether it’s a false alarm or him actually detecting a suspicious person that is hatching some kind of plot or scheme, or having something that they don’t want him to know, He will catch on eventually, and may even show that he catches on too!

When a lot of situations look bleak with the only option of winning is to take the life of the one causing the havoc, Fenton will do his best to try and make sure that he can find another way that doesn’t involve the end of a life. If he does have to take a life, then he will have it linger in his memory as one of his failures to keep justice and order for every living creature.

While Fen loves glazed doughnuts, he adores cinnamon buns/rolls even more, as the light and fluffy texture mixed in with the sweet and slightly spicy taste of cinnamon and sugar just make him complete. While on the moment about favorite desserts too, he greatly appreciates Starduck’s triple caramel and chocolate cappuccino, even if it is a bit bad for one’s health if had in excess amounts. To himself, he limits his intake on them and saves them as special treats to himself for whenever he does a major accomplishment.

Even though he has a driver’s license and know how to drive well, he doesn’t own a car so he uses bus transportation to get to the money bin. It’s hard work lifting his Gizmosuit on his way to work and back hom, but this has also become part of a training exercise that has made him more stronger than before he obtained the suit and first started calling himself “Gizmoduck”. Can his lift a car? No, but he can lift a good shelf or heavy box now all on his own. And if someone’s wondering why he doesn’t turn into Gizmoduck and fly to the money bin, I got two answers. One: If he messes up any part of it, he could risk having more people know about his secret identity, and not know if they will spill it to others.If that happens, they will target his friends and family, and that’s just a bunch of stress he could lessen on himself if he just moved about from home to work and work to home as Fenton Crackshell-Cabrera. The second one is that he knew it would be like a training regimen for himself, and so if he wanted to be as good as himself as he was as Gizmoduck, he needed to toughen up his real body too. That armor can’t protect him from everything, (like the radioactive/atomic central processor from the “Who Is Gizmoduck” episode)

This one particular headcanon may be a turn off to any Hueys out there, but this is kinda one for a reason. Due to the event with the radioactive/atomic explosion, Launchpad almost flying the Sunchaser into Dewey due to his missiles misfiring, and Mark Beaks’ attempt to turn into a General like monster and take both Huey and Webby, this Gizmoduck is one that still works for Scrooge McDuck and partner/lab assistant of Gyro Gearloose, but he is a more solo kind of hero. He would rather not have anyone that can’t defend themselves or not the proper age take risks that they don’t have to when he’s there and can solve the problem or save the day by himself. Some backup from other heroes he definitely wouldn’t mind, as they have experience and can hold their own against crooks and villains, but no sidekicks for this duck. Maybe a World’s Fowlest or The Duck and the Daring, but any Gizmobuddies he has he doesn’t want in the action. It would wound his heart greatly to have them be injured, hurt or killed because he couldn’t do everything, and so to eliminate that possibility, he refuses to take young sidekicks or wards. Maybe he’ll help out a young superhero-in-the-making, but that’s the only exception.

To make his suit more durable he will be adding some of his own touches here and there to the enhancements of the original Gizmoduck suit before making a Mark II altogether at some point. The material Gyro used was fine, but it dents way too easily, and if he’s going to be doing this superhero job, he needs more durable armor to match his constantly growing villains gallery. 

He does also try to incorporate some of his Fentonium into the suit as a sort of auxiliary power for whenever he needs it after doing a large attack or sustaining a lot of damage. It doesn’t give him anything special like his lasers, pies, or other actions, but he can still move the wheel, use some scanning functions, and moves his limbs like his arms.

Speaking of his abilities, that’s another thing I’ve been thinking of, and I have some original ideas along with ones inspired from things that he was already inspired off of, so a little more of just referencing at that point. He has these moves, and they are not all accessible, but eventually he does acquire or create them over time. They each have limited uses outside of Gizmo Uppercut, so he does have to plan his movements wisely.

Gizmo Cannon [Photon Cannon] (Iron Man/War Machine/Marvel Vs. Capcom): Instead of him pulling out or warping a giant photon cannon out of nowhere, he brings out two of his shoulder cannons and uses them to concentrate the blast of photon energy onto his target. He overall has a total about four of these uses before needing to recharge. It’s not as cutting as his lasers, but they should do well to gradually chip or damage his opponent’s armor, and a good continual damage too.

Gizmo Salvo [War Destroyer] (War Machine/Marvel Vs. Capcom): For his really tough combatants, and this is one of the more ammo-consuming moves that he has, Gizmoduck will launch his missiles, bombs, and ammo into the sky, and have them act as an air strike on his foe. Generally for the big guys or heavy hitters that think they’re tougher than anything justice has, and he has about two uses of this before he runs out of his ammunition reserves, so it’s something to save up for.

Gizmo Uppercut [Mega Uppercut] (Mega Man/Marvel Vs. Capcom): What superhero worth his title wouldn’t have an easy but flashy uppercut or signature move that gives that feeling of flair? This one really doesn’t consume any of his energy as it just converts some of the photon and laser energy his suit has into a punch to inflict more pain on evildoers. Really it’s just like a Shoryuken but with photon and laser energy. Not lethal as it’s a small dose of them, but it can knock someone out.

Gizmo Field [Energy Field] (Cell/Android 17 and 18/Dragon Ball Z Budokai 3): If there was ever a moment that he needed to have some protection against projectiles or any attacks while making his own, here’s a force field attack to give him the advantage. While he can’t propel anything like magic or advanced super science beyond that of Earth’s current potential, he can still lessen the pressure of the attacks using it. The shield also does deal moderate damage and extends to the size of a small transportable hot air balloon. He’s got six uses for it, and it does tap into his energy reserves for his Gizmo Cannon and Gizmo Uppercut.

Fentonium Fore [Mega Ball] (Mega Man/Marvel Vs. Capcom): This one’s an interchangeable one between Gizmoduck and Fenton (Finally, some moves that Fenton can use while outside of the suit for once), and it’s where he takes a ball of Fentonium and smacks it towards his enemies to act like a ricocheting projectile weapon, and he does have a ping pong racket to continue the transition. Not only that, but he can aim it too for trick shots if he needs a distraction or low profile weapon.

Photon Sphere [Spirit Bomb/Genkidama] (Son Goku/Dragon Ball Z/GT): This is definitely a move he learns very late into his career, but it is where he takes all of the energy that he has stored into suit at the present time and can even convert any other energy given to the sphere to make it more stronger. This move does put strain on Fenton’s real body but the suit should be fine, as long as the arm parts are still functional so that way he can throw it and push it. It’s a one time use before needing a recharge, so if it fails, then he has no more tricks up his sleeves. This is overpowered, as the energy is enough to roughly a continent with his own suit at full power (which most likely won’t happen), but can get to half of a planet or a moon with that much energy plus that of what others add to him.

Fenton Flurry (Original): Knowing that he has to fight without the armor, he has some moves he never mentions as he fights, but gives them a name in his head. This one is pretty much a flurry of punches towards his enemy and while it is clumsy and sometimes badly timed, it can catch someone off guard when he does time it right or in a confined space.

Photon Blaster (Original): During the Shadow War, he modified Gyro’s blaster weapon with the help of Manny and Lil’ Bulb, though this time he made his own spare while on his some of his lunch breaks. it has both a phaser or bullet-like function and a laser function for consistent pressure.

30 FOLLOWER 5 PART SPECIAL! TOP 50 HARDEST BOSSES I HAVE FOUGHT.                                    Part 1 – bosses 50 - 41

Hello everyone! Today is a happy day! I have 30 followers now! As a sign of appreciation, I will be doing this special 5-part series. 50 bosses that proved to be quite a challenge. Now for some rules… This list in my opinion. Some bosses on this list were difficult when I was a child but may not be hard now…Those examples are more towards the 50-40 and 40-30 section. I will try to limit one boss per game, however be prepared for an exception later on. This list may contain spoilers so read with caution. I will include all games in the boss description and in the tags, feel free to skip one if you don’t want spoilers. Finally here is a little guide for my decision making process…

50 – 41 – Might have been hard the first time I fought them, but are now significantly easier.

40 – 31 – Tough then and still provide a challenge now but are still easier to fight when compared to the first fight.

30 – 21 – Hard then, still tough now but not as much. Overall manageable, but they might get a victory or two over me.

20 – 11 – Hard then and still tough now. While I will not struggle as much as my first fight, they will still provide a tough challenge.

10 – 1 – Very hard then and very hard now. These bosses are so difficult that no matter how many times I fight them they still manage to be a huge challenge.

Now without further ado, lets get started.

NUMBER 50 General Tsao (Sly 3)

General Tsao is one of the villains from Sly 3. He serves as a menace to former foe Panda King. He intends to marry the Panda King’s daughter, and her consent is blatantly ignored. After sabotaging his base and pestering him in the shadows, Sly and this chicken finally clash. This fight has two stages, stage one is manageable enough. Armed with his sawblade shield and fire balls, he attacks from the top of Bamboo sticks. Avoiding him is easy and he often leads himself open, its once the battle takes to the ground things heat up… On the ground, he attacks relentlessly and often retaliates to combos. He can summon various magical entities to track you down such as zombie hands that are very fast. He has quite a bit of health as well. This is made worse during one of the challenges which require beating him with only half your health. Also, did I mention he is horribly sexist? Because he is.

Hardest thing about this boss – His zombie hand attack can really be a nuisance. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NUMBER 49 Jaguar Chase (The Emperor’s new Groove) 

My first button masher. This boss was a huge roadblock for me when I was a child. The premise is simple, outrun the Jaguars, avoid obstacles and reach the end. The problem was the button mashing, my little hands got tired so fast and I could never beat it! My grandfather wound up beating this level with me! He did the button mashing and I steered the character around the obstacles. While this boss is not nearly as hard today, it still brings back memories of frustration and relief when I beat it. It can be a challenge to try to get all the coins in one run though….

Hardest part about this boss – MY POOR BABY HANDS! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NUMBER 48 The Cyberdemon (Doom)

The infamous Cyberdemon from Doom. First appearing in the Tower of Babel level, then later in the THY FLESH CONSUME episode. Along with some appearances in DOOM 2. The Cyberdemon is a powerful foe armed with a rocket launcher. Its roar is frightening, and its stature is intimidating. While a simple boss with only one attack, that said attack packs a punch. It is fought in a large arena dotted with giant pillars that can be used as cover. The best weapons against this guy is either the plasma rifle, the rocket launcher or the BFG 9000 if you have it. It wanders around and shoots rockets, it only takes about 2 direct hits to do you in, so strafing is key. Once I figured out how to avoid its rocket it became less of a challenge. He can take punishment though, so the fight might be long. The one in the final episode is much worse, simply due to his position on the map and since the map is particularly long, so a death there sets you back pretty far.

Hardest thing about this boss – Its tough when he somehow manages to get into small enclosed spaces, causing the player to take a risk in hitting him. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NUMBER 47 Skorge (Gears of War 2)

When people think of hard bosses in the Gears of War series, most fingers point to general RAAM. However, I never really had that much of a problem with RAAM even on higher difficulties. Skorge is the cream of the locust crop in my opinion. The high priest of the locust hoard and main general of the army after RAAM’s death. Skorge is aggressive and mobile, he starts the fight by trying to crush you with pillars in the palace of the Locust. Not to mention a swarm of tickers blowing up at your feet and the fact he drops grenades from the ceiling. His weapon of choice in this fight is a double ended chainsaw staff, which is as awesome as it sounds, and dual handguns. After destroying his staff, Skorge retreats and mounts his Hydra and a chase begins. The battle kicks it up here as he tries to knock you out of the sky. Eventually his Hydra is killed, and he is impaled on his pet’s tooth.

Hardest part of this boss – The chase, it is easy to die on the final part. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NUMBER 46 The Field Marshal (Halo Reach)

The Field Marshal is a special unique elite that appears throughout the campaign of Halo Reach. He is often accompanied by two Zealots at almost all times. First appearing early in the game, the Field Marshal attacks Noble team with his two companions, while he escapes his companions are killed. He then appears briefly and kills a member of the team “Kat” with a sniper rifle. In the end of the game, when it is up to the player to man a large cannon to ensure the Pillar of Autumn escapes, the Field Marshal and his companions block the way. The companions are tough on their own, but the Marshal can be a royal pain in the butt with his fuel rod cannon and his plasma blade. Once his shield goes down, he makes a mad rush for you with his sword, if he gets you he can easily one shot you. There is no prime strategy, just be extra careful and fight him like any other elite.

Hardest thing about this boss – His fuel rod cannon is a nightmare on higher difficulty levels, and he is quite trigger happy with it. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NUMBER 45 Mask of Infamy (The Binding of Isaac)

Much of the binding of Isaac relies on good skill and a bit of RNG (random-number-generator, a more realistic way of saying ‘luck’) when it comes to items. The Mask of Infamy’s difficulty depends on your items, stats and skills. The boss starts with two parts, the titular mask and a floating heart. The Heart is the target and the mask damages you on contact. After the heart is destroyed, the mask gets faster and it can only be damaged on its back. This can be tricky as it always tries its best to remain facing you…

Hardest thing about this boss – Trying to finish it off after destroying the heart. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NUMBER 44 Final Bowser (Super Mario 64)

After a long star filled journey, its time to take on Bowser for the third and final time. Way up in the sky, Bowser’s final stand begins. The overgrown turtle has some tricks up his shell. He breaths both red and blue fire, the blue fire splits into parts and bounces around. He can create shockwaves as well. The method of beating him is the same, throw him into the bombs around his stage. There is a catch this time, Bowser breaks the stage into a star shape which can make throwing him tough. He needs three blasting in order to stay down.

Hardest thing about this boss – The final throw, where he is very aggressive, and the platform is oddly shaped. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NUMBER 43 Carnage (Ultimate Spiderman)

Carnage is one of the final bosses in Ultimate Spider Man and is fought by Venom. Carnage is tough, he jumps around and has attacks that cover a wide area. His fight covers three stages and they progressively get harder. The first stage is a one on one fight, Carnage leaves himself open a lot but retaliates often. Once his health goes down he retreats and starts to feed, restoring health. Venom must give chase, and this is where the challenge really begins. The player must balance feeding and restoring health while fighting carnage and waves of security goons. The third stage is like this as well, only in a huge room. This boss fight is an endurance test, and with Carnage’s speed and ferocity, he can be quite the challenge during the first run. Venom’s health is constantly depleting by the way.

Hardest thing about this boss – Having to balance your healing priority and keeping him from healing himself. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NUMBER 42 Wounded Vader (Star Wars the Force Unleashed)

The secret alternate final boss of the Force unleashed game. Despite being critically wounded, Vader is one of the hardest bosses in the game, even harder than the Emperor. He has plenty of health and a near infinite amount of force power at his disposal. He is a master at lightsaber combat, so attacking him head on is quite the challenge. The best way to damage him is to counter him, these can be tough and require quite a bit of focus. If you don’t counter him you will be in for a long fight. Eventually you will have to finish him off with a quick time event.

Hardest thing about this boss – The fact that he rarely puts his guard down. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NUMBER 41 The Yellow Devil (Mega Man)

The infamous yellow devil. Often regarded as the hardest boss in the original Mega Man, the yellow devil is known for pushing players to the edge. Its pattern is simple but punishing, it has two methods of attack and a very small weak spot. It reveals its’ eye and shoots at Mega Man before breaking apart and sliding across the screen. These parts are indestructible and will hurt if you hit them. The only option to retaliate is to shoot it in the eye and then avoid the onslaught before shooting it again. This battle can take time and be frustrating. There is a glitch that can be exploited to defeat it, and I admit I used this glitch the first time I beat the Yellow Devil, but since then I have beaten it properly. This evil robot has made several appearances in other games, including smash bros.

Hardest thing about this boss – Its assembly attack, while the pattern does not change, it is still difficult to dodge.

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This is just part 1! We still have 40 more bosses to go! Is there a boss that gives you a hard time? Tell me in the comments of this post! Thank you all for helping me reach 30 followers! In the grand scale of things it is not a lot but I never thought id make it to 20! Thank you all again! 

Caramel Skin Under a Vanilla Sky prt 39 full draft

Lance wasn't doing ok. Physically he was getting better, but as the infection in his chest cleared around the two and a half movements mark since the crash and now surgery loomed around the corner. The procedure wouldn't be performed on the Atlas, but instead on New Altea. Lance didn't want to leave so many things unanswered. He didn't want to be pushed aside and disregarded, which was exactly what felt like was happening. Keith was his main line with the outside world. Shiro dropped by from time to time, sometimes Curtis was with him and sometimes he was. Hunk had come by twice but was acting distant, unable to meet his eyes despite the fact he'd nearly crushed him in a hug as he cried his eyes out over being so worried about him. Shay had shyly come to enquire about his health and wish him well. Krolia had thanked him for his service and thanked him for getting Keith back home in one piece. Even Zak had ventured up to tell him he was an "idiot", but "an idiot that had done a good job". He knew Acxa and Keith's team had come by when he'd been napping, catching the tail end of the four of them talking outside the door... So he didn't know why he felt so hollow inside. Actually. He did. His fight with Veronica. His sister angered that he'd taken such measures without thinking of their family, and without consulting her about it. He couldn't admit the truth of what happened with Klearo to her. He couldn't admit that he'd fucked up from the very beginning then was tricked by someone who he looked up to. Veronica had basically insinuated that he was a burden, who didn't know what he was doing and should have stayed on Earth. She didn't get it. She didn't get to him that being a "burden" was his greatest fear. She didn't get that his drug and alcohol abuse had steadily grown worse, or understand the way he wrecked their family with his mere presence. Keith tried his hardest to help him through his moods and panic attacks, but he felt like he was shackling Keith down with his depression. Keith who still treated him like he was the most treasured person in existence. Keith who said they'd work things out... then left things in the air. It wasn't like he wanted to talk to the ship's councillor... but when they didn't come by his room, he had to wonder if Keith wasn't secretly enjoying him being so messed. The disgusting thought left him unable to look his boyfriend's way for vargas, ultimately serving to hurt Keith when he hadn't done anything wrong. Which he wasn't. Shiro's actions had told him that. No. It wasn't fair to blame Shiro. Keith had desperately needed the healing pod, and Lance couldn't be more relieved that his boyfriend had been healed. He just... felt... insignificant. No matter how he sat or laid, some part of his body hurt. He missed eating real food, being stuck on a liquid diet until after the surgery. He missed being able to move around, and shower unaided. Keith had been granted permission to help him shower. Each of the sticky sensor pads had left bruised behind after pealed off his tender skin. He was losing weight again, and losing his drive. He wasn't ok, and was only getting worse as he was kept waiting, unable to feel like he was being punished for getting Keith in harms way, by not being healed. He got that the Atlas couldn't leave it's orbit over the Altean ship while the investigation was on going, but didn't get why Shiro didn't open a wormhole to New Altea so that he could be put in a pod. Being comatose for a phoeb or three sounded ideal when compared to sitting in a very uncomfortable hospital bed, or trapped in his nightmares all night long thanks to the sedatives Daehra had prescribed to help him sleep through his nightly coughing fits. Lance didn't want to take more drugs. The more he craved them, the more he tried to push them away. He knew it was dangerous to fall back into his bad habits, but these new ones were working for him. They weren't filling up that hole in his heart from being unwanted, or easing the guilt he felt from relying on Keith. Quintant after quintant he was left laying there as it blurred together. To him it was like being left that cell all over again. He was constantly waiting to wake up and find himself being dragged out to Klearo's bed. Or to wake up and find himself still in the outpost, with Keith having been stolen away and cut to pieces. He wasn't stupid. He knew there had to be a network of connections when it came to Kre'el. She was just one woman... A woman he wanted answers from. A woman who'd lied to him so seamlessly and easily that the thought of her made him feel physically ill. None of these symptoms were going to clear before he was forced off the Atlas. Shiro probably didn't want him to ever return. He probably didn't want him anywhere near his team, and it didn't matter how illogical the arguments were for why that was so, his anxieties had him wrapped around their little finger. Shiro wouldn't haven't jumped in to help him, had it been him alone. He knew it. Like really knew it. The voice in his head whispered it over and over, never a kind word directed his way. He was his own worst enemy. With each quintant that passed, he was sure he was moving that much closer to insanity... Sure he was slipping away from the most wonderful boyfriend a guy could ask for. He didn't want to tie Keith down with his mental health issues. He didn't want to keep having panic attacks out of nowhere, and dreams he couldn't wake from. He wanted to be strong for Keith, but had no idea where to begin. * With his arms loaded up with bedding from the Telula and a treat from Hunk, Keith was running late. Daehra was on "Lance Duty" for the morning, his panic attacks so bad that Keith didn't want him left alone. He honestly feared for Lance hurting himself without realising he'd done it, or even worse, being caught up in a flashback and lashing out against someone he loved. Neither of them were really happy about Lance being transferred off the Atlas and out to New Altean, without answers. Lance was going through so much and taking him away without giving him answers was cruel as hell. His boyfriend wasn't reacting well to the news, hence why he'd dropped down to the kitchen to see if Hunk had something chocolaty to lift his spirits, then it was down to the Telula to get Lance a nicer blanket than the one on his hospital bed, back up to the kitchen to collect two chocolate milkshakes that looked like everything Lance wasn't supposed to be having. Lance's was packed with extra vitamins and minerals, but Keith had forgotten which one was which. His mind too busy. With Daehra and Lucteal, who was acting like Lance's personal bodyguard and limiting access to Lance's room, he knew he had the time to rustle up his surprise after a quick check up to make sure his ankle was healed properly... only for Shiro to corner him just short of his end goal. The expression his brother wore could only mean trouble... Opening the door to the room beside him, Shiro had planned to ambush him. The conveniently empty room said as much. Taking the milkshakes out of his hands, Shiro placed them down on the desk by the door, before crossing his arms and giving him his best "dad" look "Something you want to tell me?" "Uh? I was grabbing a blanket for Lance..." "Not about that. Well, about Lance, but something a little more pressing" "Not that I can think of..." Keith was confused. Shiro had that calm anger thing going on, like he was ready to snap, or turn on that disappointed tone. Personally Keith would prefer the violence, but knew Shiro would opt for disappointment because it hurt more. Reaching into his pocket, Shiro pulled out a small vial of shimmering red liquid. Keith's shock was written all over his face as he stared at the vial. Daehra wasn't stupid enough to just leave one laying around... and he had no idea how he was about to talk his way out of this. Opening his mouth, he made a weird kind of squeak before getting the words out "How did you get that?" "When Lance kept refusing painkillers, I watched over the camera footage from his room, and what do I see? I see Daehra injecting this into Lance's IV daily. I've had it analysed Keith" This wasn't his secret to be telling... Shiro had no right putting him in this position "Do you want me to tell you what I found? Or should I have you tell me what I found?" "I... ugh..." "You what Keith? Do you know how dangerous this is! You've known about this for phoebs, haven't you!?" Keith wasn't sure how Shiro pulled off apocalyptic rage that sounded do disappointed. Shaking, he nearly dropped the blankets "What were you thinking?" "Lance..." "Lance what? Didn't want me to know? You should have known better. I told you how dangerous this stuff is. If he has a drug problem, you should have told me immediately. Do you know how dangerous this is? How addictive this is? Do you understand what kind of a situation you've put me in?" Tears rolled down Keith's face and dripped onto the blankets, unable to meet Shiro's eyes "Well, do you?" "Sh-Shiro... it's not what you think" "What I think is that Lance has a drug problem you've neglected to inform me of. Do you have any idea what kind of complications that this could have caused during his surgery?" "You don't understand..." "Then tell me!" It'd been years since Keith had felt the fear that had his heart racing and his stomach flipping. The fear that came from parents or parental figures... dropping to squat, he buried his face in Lance's blanket, breathing in his scent as he tried to calm down "Then I'll go ask him..." "No!" "Then start talking. Does Coran know? Is this the secret you've all been hiding from me?" Keith shook his head. Yes, it was a secret, but not that one "You don't understand... what he's been through" "What's that supposed to mean?" "I can't... Shiro... it's not my secret to tell" "I'm sick of hearing that. This stuff could kill him. Is that what you want? Lance dead?" Falling back onto his arse, Keith shook his head "He could have died on the operating table" "Shut up!" "Keith, tell me what's going on!" "They got him addicted to it! They kept him drugged up while they tortured him! We... he... we left him alone... he was doing everything he could to forget... we've been... working on... bringing him off of the drugs. He's been making progress... then this happened. He doesn't want to be dependant on them. He doesn't want to..." Breaking down into sobs, Keith felt awful. Another precious secret gone up in flames because of him. Gulping for air, Keith hugged the blanket tighter as he rocked "We were working on this... he was getting better... you had no right..." "Keith..." "No! Don't you dare! Don't you dare... He's my husband, of course I knew about it. Of course I was helping him with. Of course he was trying to get past it... You have no idea how bad Earth was for him. He feels like he broke his whole fucking family... They kept him on this stuff... and... he doesn't want to be... he doesn't want to take them... that's why he wouldn't take more medication. He knows he has a problem, but you can't even trust him! You couldn't trust that Daehra understood. She didn't know how bad those injections were... not until... until after... I came. He couldn't cope, Shiro. He felt like none of us wanted him... he still doesn't feel wanted. This was his case and you're sending him away with no answers. He was working hard out here... only to be betrayed" Angered, Keith didn't realise the slip of his tongue calling Lance his "husband". He couldn't stop crying "I don't want him to die... I don't want him to die... he's my whole fucking world... Coran... we... would have talked to him... not where you could find out. All he's wanted is your respect. He... can't see how amazing he is... because he feels so inferior to everyone..." Keith hiccuped "He's falling apart because of this... you don't know what it's been like for him..." "Lance could have reached out for help at any time" "No..." "Yes. He knows we would be there" "No he didn't!" "Keith, you need to calm down for me" "How can I do that!? You just accused me of wanting him dead!" "I..." Keith knew Shiro pushed because he worried for the pair of them, but that didn't mean anything. He'd well and truly crossed a line "I'm sorry. But you can understand how much of a shock this has been" "It wouldn't have been a shock if you could just trust people..." "He has a drug problem" "And we were dealing with it" "What if something had happened?" "Like what?" "Like he hurt someone when he was high" "It doesn't work like that. Lance doesn't get violent without a good reason" "Are you saying that as his partner or as his friend?" "Both. He's in so much pain all the time... we've been working so hard to get though things" "And that fight you had, where he left, was that to do with this?" Keith shook his head "That's between Lance and Krolia. As far as I know, she and he have talked" "You've still left me in a tough position" "It doesn't have to be. You're sending him away anyway..." "I'm not sending him away. I'm transferring him so he could have surgery and finally go into a pod" "Something you couldn't have done sooner? You couldn't have shipped Kre'el off to Altea?" "No. You know that as well as I do" "It feels like according to you, I know nothing. It's not my first time around drugs, Shiro. You know what those homes were like. You know you can't do jack shit to help anyone who doesn't want help. He asked for help" Sighing, Shiro moved to squat down across him "You know I care about both of you. I'm just shocked that you didn't come to someone who was more experienced to get advice and help for him" "I talked to you. I talked to Coran. I talked to Krolia. I even talked to Lance's mum. But none of you could tell me what I needed to know. How could I betray his trust like that? He needs safety and stability. He needed to get his feet back under him" "I'm proud of you for trying to help him, but you're not trained in these kinds of things. Frankly I don't know if I can continue to let Daehra treat him when she's been giving him such a dangerous substance. I love you both, and all I want is the best for Lance, but you understand that these secrets aren't helping him, or helping me to figure out how to help him" "Shiro... please..." "We're both going to have a little talk with Lance about this" "You can't" Keith's heart was breaking. Lance was going to be torn apart by this. He was already depressed as it was. The conversations they did have were never about what happened, Lance steering away from the topic every time they nudged it. If they weren't talking, Lance wanted to cuddle... but his husband would stay silent for vargas at an end. He'd been so focused on getting Lance through the surgery and then into some kind of counselling and help like he'd asked for that he hadn't foreseen this kind of a speed bump. Carrying the two milkshakes with shaky hands, Shiro had plucked the blanket out his hold as the pair walked into Lance's room. Lucteal had practically glared at Shiro, acting like he didn't want to allow them access to Lance's room. And quiznak if Keith wished he hadn't. Sitting up in his bed, Lance's face brightened up at the sight of him, before falling as Shiro followed into the space "Babe... have you been crying?" Stupid Lance, seeing right through him even when he was trying to hold it all. Shaking harder, Keith barely made it to Lance's left side, placing the milkshakes down on a rather expensive looking machine that was off "It's ok, babe. I'm ok. Daehra, can you give the three of us a little space?" "She should..." "Shiro, trust me on this. Daehra, it's ok. We just need to talk to Lance about something" Daehra's eyes flicked to the IV bag, her empathic senses probably knowing what this was about "Lucteal and I will be right outside" Nodding, Lance seemed to retreat further into himself "Why don't you two go rest? I have a feeling this isn't going to be all that fun, so I'm already scheduling my after scowling nap. I've already had it all from Veronica, so we might as well get Shiro off the list too" "Alright, I understand. Keith, you know what to monitor for?" Avoiding Lance's gaze, Keith jumped at Daehra's question "Uh... yeah. Go ahead" "Please do not upset him further. He has been through quite a lot. A lot of which you would not understand" There was no settling the silent thing going on between Daehra, Lucteal and Shiro. He'd hoped for Lance's sake the would have patched up their differences over the past three movements, but that remained a big fat nope. Leaving the room, the three of them were left with a few very pregnant moments silence passing between them. Keith couldn't take knowing what was coming. He'd very nearly avoided a panic of his own under Shiro's words. Lance seemed to know whatever was going on wasn't something he wanted to talk about, and Shiro... had flicked out the blanket and was now laying it over Lance's bed. Which was supposed to be his job. He didn't want Shiro's stupid scent on his boyfriend's sheets "What is this about? Can you just spit it out already? Did you get data off the ship from the samples? Is that it?" Lance let out a dry laughed before continuing "So what are you here to laugh at me about? The drugs or what Allura did to my body? Or is it the torture? I had the feeling they filmed it... Maybe... How I fucked up and nearly got Keith killed? There's few things that make Keith cry, and with how guilty he looks, it's not something small" Keith wanted to tell Lance to shut up. His tone hurt to hear, as did him exposing all his secrets to Shiro... He hadn't thought about the fact their sample data may still exist with the outpost being destroyed, but it made sense to him that the data would have been sent on before the scene of their crimes were erased. From how Kre'el opened a wormhole, their had to be a secondary location she'd had in mind. Pulling the vial from his pocket again, Shiro held it up for Lance to see "You told him?" There was that disappointment again... this time from Lance "Keith didn't tell me. When you refused pain medication, I examined the video from this room. For privacy I had the sound turned off, but for security I left the cameras on given the prisoners we have onboard from the ship and from the mining moon the ship crashed on" Lance let out a small "oh" as he nodded "So you know I'm a drug addict?" "Keith told me how it happened. That they drugged you during torture?" "Yep. Can't just quit the stuff because it'll shut down my body if I do" Keith shifted, he didn't want Lance to hate him. He knew Shiro was only being so hard because he cared, but... he didn't know what to do or say in this moment "Lance... I'm sorry this happened to you, but why didn't you tell any of us? We could have gotten you help sooner. This could have seriously complicated your surgery. We nearly lost you... we all nearly lost you" Crossing his arms, Lance huffed "Geez Shiro, why would any want to brag that they were addicted to drugs. That I needed them to get through the fucking day. Let me just casually drop that into a group call. Hey guys, guess what? I'm a fucking druggy who's fucked in the head. Even got that touch of brain damage to prove it. Yeah. Because it's that fucking easy when you were enjoying your lives without me. Also, I heard you. I heard you yelling at Keith. I think the whole fucking floor heard you yelling at him. If you've got a problem with me, then you talk to me. You don't sneak around stealing things from my ship, and you especially don't take it out on Keith when he has been trying his hardest to get me off them. I know you worry for him, but he's the same damn age as when you went missing off Pluto. I don't want you fighting or yelling because of some waste of space like I am" "Lance, that's not what I think at all..." "Babe, no. No, you're not a waste of space" Their words overlapped. Keith could understand Lance lashing out. A tiny bit maybe even pleased that his boyfriend had scolded Shiro for yelling at him "Lance, when I saw you on that ship, cradled in Coran's arms I realised how close we'd come to losing you. I couldn't pull Keith out the healing pod... and I didn't know what to do. I don't know what to do now. I'm honestly scared for you. Scared that this could lead to you dying. And I'm scared of Keith being dragged into a situation like he did in those foster homes. There's safer ways to come off of the drugs. I know you rely on Keith, but I'm worried about the strain it'll cause on both of you" "Shiro, I'm not a kid. Not anymore. I appreciate that you came at Keith's message, and I appreciate what you've done for both of us. But this, isn't your problem. That's why you're not listed as my next of kin and Keith is in charge of my medical decisions. You should forget you saw this. It's being handled" Shiro was trying. Keith knew he was trying. He still held that anger from being kept out of the loop on this, but he was trying in his own way to make Lance see that he wanted to be there for him. Raising his head, he swallowed hard at the expression on Lance's face. It was getting too much for him "I can't forget something like this Lance. And pushing it aside isn't going to help. I care about you. Please rely on me. Please let me help you. I want to help you" "I know! You weren't supposed to know! We were working on it... weren't we?" Red-rimmed eyes looked to Keith for comfort. A hand shyly moving to pat the space next to him. Forcing himself forward, Keith climbed up into the bed, Lance curling into him as he held him tightly, nuzzling into the soft curve of the Cuban's neck as pained scent poured from his love. Shaking, his emotions were bubbling up, the dam breaking as he cried softly "We were, baby. We are. You've done so good. I'm so sorry... I didn't want... I didn't want to tell another secret" "No... shhh, I understand. I'm sorry... I'm not strong enough to..." "You are strong. So strong..." Shifting Lance's legs up and between his, Keith positioned Lance so he was leaning against his chest. The angle better for Lance's lungs "I want to die... I'm so tired... of being disappointment" "When we get to Altean, we're going to get some help. I'm not going anywhere" "It's so busy in my head... I crave it so badly..." "I know" Because he did. Lance didn't need to spend vargas explaining himself. He got it. He wasn't oblivious to the physical pain... but Lance was working so hard at being clean of everything he could be clean of. Working so hard not to keep falling apart and to find a way to keep breathing... despite what he might think or how he might act "I thought you forget... no... no one came to... to talk to me" "You thought I forgot you need help? I thought it might be easier on New Altea. Away from here" "I don't want to leave with everything how it is" "I know" "I don't know how long I'll be the in pod... I hate them. I hate them so much... I don't want to wake up. I don't want to... miss more time" "Babe, I'm not going anywhere. We're accidental married remember. I can't let someone swoop in and whoo my husband out from under me" Lance gave him a wet laugh that sounded like music to Keith's ears "Never. Never... no one but you" They'd forgotten they had an audience. Both of them crying softly as they nuzzled, seeking comfort from the person they loved the most. "I... should be going then... Lance, I want to help you. So think about it, please. Anything I can do... I respect you. And I respect what you went through. I know Daehra doesn't like me, but your team... you've got a pretty amazing team. You're a good leader. I was wrong. It was wrong of me to think I understood things better than you did. Especially out in this area of space. The work you did here, it made a real difference. And you should be proud of that. I'm sorry for ambushing you over this. We nearly lost you and I didn't want to lose you to something like this... something that I could be there for..." Sniffling and hiccuping, Lance was the kindest soul he knew. Touches had been setting him off, as had certain smells, but reaching out his busted arm, he bit his lip at pain as he waved Shiro into a hug. Shiro hugging into Keith more than Lance, most probably out of respect. Sniffling as his eyes grew wet, Shiro was just as bad as the two of them "So, accidental husband's?" Lance let out a laugh "We... didn't know we were getting married at the time. There was this alien princess who stood had us stand in this gold ring and drink this horrible wine stuff..." Kissing Lance's cheek, Keith nodded "It was Daehra's little sister Annla. We got married on their planet before we came back for Hunk and Shay's engagement party. We're still working us out... but yeah, accidentally married the best guy in the universe" "You mean the only guy who could love your mullet" "It's not a mullet" "You could grow it down to your arse and it'll always be a mullet" "That's it. If I stay with the pair of you any longer, I'm going to catch your idiocy. Lance... please, even if it's Coran. Let him in?" "Coran... knows most of it... not... not all of it... but he knows most of it" What Coran did know, Keith didn't. They'd talked before Lance had developed the secondary infection and a little after, privately "That's a really good start. I'm sorry I came down so hard on both of you. You're both like brothers to me" "Thank you, Shiro. And can you keep the whole marriage thing a secret? Hunk would kill me. He already tried to kick me out when Lance was having a panic attack" Lance didn't respond. Shiro didn't seem to notice as he detached from the hug and passed over the two very melted milkshakes. Giving Keith's shoulder on last pat, his brother left them. When the door to his room closed, Lance let out a groan "Babe?" "I fucking hate this" "What?" "He apologised and I know I should feel better or some shit, but I don't know how to feel. I've been so fucking mad at him. He said it was for security but I feel like it was because I'm such a fuck up... I don't even know if he would have come and got me... and... Kre'el... why not transfer her? How's their investigation going? Have they been to Erathus? I feel like... like he can't trust me with any of it... I have... so many... I didn't want to burden you... I..." Lance's breathing was becoming uneven. Rubbing his back with his free hand, Keith sighed softly "No, babe. No. I don't know what Shiro is doing, or why he's running things like that, but there's so many things happening at the moment. I don't doubt he cares for you" "It's... hard to let anyone else in. I feel so weak" "I promise you, secret husband of mine, you're strong as hell" "I take it you're the one who let it slip?" "I'm sorry. Shiro... he brought up some feelings I haven't really dealt with properly. From my time in the system... you know, that disappointed tone that only parents can give" "I'm so sorry, babe. I heard him... and I didn't understand it all. How did he even get the vial?" "I don't know. He shouldn't have called us out like that. It's none of his business" "He's your brother. He's worried for you. Especially after what you went through in the system. God. I wish I could back in time and met you sooner. I wish I hadn't picked so many fights with you... I hate that you went through that" "I hate that you're still suffering" "You're suffering too. I don't like bringing all these memories back for you either. Do you maybe want to tell me?" No. Hell no. Lance was down on himself as it was. Hearing Keith's messed up childhood was the last thing he needed... So why wasn't that what came out? "Only if you want to listen" What. No. Lance didn't need to put up with him continuing to cry just because Shiro hit too close to home "Keith, I want to know everything about you... when you're ready. Not when Shiro has scared the quiznak out of you. I can smell your fear all over you. Don't push yourself" Keith let out a deep breath of relief, Lance smacking him playfully with his milkshake "It's not that I don't want to tell you" "You'll tell me when you're ready. Believe me, as the messed up one, I get it. Can we finish these then can you help me shower, Daehra won't let shower alone? It's not Shiro's fault but his scent is setting me off" "I... don't like his scent on you either. We could skip the milkshakes?" Lance shook his head, clipping Keith's chin as he did in his enthusiasm. Cringing back, Lance frowned at him "You promised bed and chocolate... and I might be trying to hard right now not to start crying because you're being too nice to me" "You most definitely deserve me being nice. I know you didn't tell Shiro yourself, but you didn't run away and that was brave" Rolling his eyes at him, Keith was glad to see the sass "Do you ever like... get sick of being so disturbingly nice?" "When it comes to you, not really" "You're killing me here. None of my lines are as smooth as you" Waiting until Lance had raised the straw of his milkshake, Keith let himself smirk internally. If his accidental husband wanted him smooth, he was getting smooth "Maybe when we get to Altea, I can take you on a date? We could watch the sunset, just you and me?" Lance choked hard on his milkshake, the cold liquid spilling into Keith's crotch. Flailing and trying to escape the freezing feeling against his junk, both their milkshakes went everywhere. Lance laughing as hard as he was coughing. Keith left standing by his boyfriend's bed with his sweat pants around his ankles. He'd been aiming for smooth, yet... this was so much nicer.

#001 CHARACTER SHEET:

Full Name: Lana Rose Jameson Meaning of Name: The Greek and American meaning is ‘light’, whereas the English meaning is ‘fair/good looking’. Nickname: None. Birth Date: June 18th, 1996. Astrological Sign and Details: Gemini. Common star sign traits are ‘quick-witted’, ‘expressive’ and ‘sociable’. Lana firmly believes that a person’s star sign speaks volumes about the content of their character and is always suspicious of anyone that she meets that’s a Taurus. Birth Place: Her mother went into labour backstage at the rock concert of one of the bands Lana’s father manages. She was born in New York Presbyterian.  Age: 21.

Nationality: American. Race: Caucasian. Hair Color: Auburn. Hair Style: Long and wavy.  Distinct Features of Face: Plump lips and thick eyebrows. Glasses or Contacts: None. Eye Color: Hazel. Skin Tone: She vacations a lot during summer, so she has a sun-kissed glow that lasts for a long while into winter. Scars or Distinguishing Marks: A heart shaped freckle on the inside of her right thigh, subtle freckles over the bridge of her nose and cheeks. Disabilities: None. Build or Body Type: Naturally slim, maintained by ballet. Height: 5″9′. Weight: i searched for so long n i can’t find bridgets weight anywhere bt... essentially she’s skinny Speech Patterns: Talks a mile a minute, especially when nervous. Laughs at everything and nothing. Uses a lot of filler words because she’s constantly thinking aloud so her sentence is never planned out before she says it. Tag Words: Says “like”, “totally”, “anyways” and “um” a lot.  Gestures: Almost always wildly flinging her hands around. Most of the time she finds any excuse to have some form of physical contact with the person she’s speaking to, e.g. playing with their hair, dusting lint from their shoulder. 

FAMILY AND CHILDHOOD

Mother: Victoria Jameson. Father: Richard Jameson. Mother’s Occupation: Former model, presently operating as a socialite and doing charity work. Father’s Occupation: CEO of Jameson Records. Family Finances: Wealthy. Birth Order: Caleb Jameson is the oldest, Lana the youngest. Brothers: One, Caleb Jameson. Sisters: None. Other Close Family: None particularly, save for a handful of cousins they see during holidays. Best Friend: Frankie Vigo. Other Friends: Teddy Lawrence, Ophelia Knox, Gabe Leitner, Imogen Bauer, Elias Elliot, A.J. Sullivan, Melody Forbes, Jude Hayward. Probably more that I’m missing. Lana’s quite a social butterfly. Enemies: None. Pets: None. Home Life During Childhood: Lana was often treated like she didn’t exist. She could go for days on end without her parents ever saying one word to her. She’d often have to sort out her own meals because they’d forget about her and she was so touch starved growing up, it’s likely that’s one of the main contributors towards her sex addiction today. One of her most vivid memories as a child was reaching to hold her mother’s hand when she got nervous crossing the road, only to have her slap her off her and turn her head the other way. What Did His, Her or Their Bedroom Look Like: An explosion of pink. Picture every teenage girls room from a chick flick in the early 00′s. Very Jennifer Check, posters everywhere, giant fluffy cushions, the works. Any Sports or Clubs: She used to be a cheerleader in high school and she’s always done ballet from being tiny.  Schooling: She went to high school further into the city (New York) and obviously is now enrolled at Lockwood to complete her diploma.  Favorite Subject: Growing up, she used to love art and also debate as well as dance. Now it’s probably just dance. Popular or Loner: Popular. Important Experiences or Events: Caleb shipping off to the army as well as Caleb being discharged on grounds of PTSD after his unit were attacked, seeing him losing his best friend right in front of him. He was never the same after that and therefore the one person that Lana actually thought she mattered to in the world was essentially gone. Health Problems: ADHD and sex addiction. Religion and beliefs: Atheist.

PERSONAL

Bad Habits: Sleeping with people to avoid dealing with her feelings, biting her lip when she’s nervous, playing with her hair and generally fidgeting when people speak to her. Good Habits: Obsessively always keeping a pack of gum on her because she hates bad breath, sending good morning texts and practising her ballet. Best Characteristic: Her ability to start up a conversation with just about anyone. Worst Characteristic: Her inability to open up and have a serious conversation about her emotions. Worst Memory: Her mother finding out that she got blackout drunk and had a threesome with two of her father’s close associates. She didn’t seem to take into account the fact that it was vastly inappropriate for them to be talking to Lana in the way they had which lead to the encounter, or the fact that she was drunk when it happened. She told Lana she was disgusting and didn’t look at her in the face again after for three months. Best Memory: Having a childish bicker with Caleb at the park and throwing his whole loaf of bread into the duck pond in protest. When he was mad at her, she attempted to reach out and fish it back only to fall in, herself. She’d never seen him laugh that hard before and eventually she was joining in, too. It was the last time she can remember him smiling. Proud of: Nothing in particular. Embarrassed by: The fact that her parents don’t love her and she can’t work out why. Driving Style: Wild, anxious and erratic. Screams a lot, particularly when navigating busy junctions or highways. Strong Points: Exuberant, good-willed for the majority, quick-witted, sociable, charming, imaginative and resilient. Temperament: Ridiculously animated and sunshine bright, usually. Attitude: Same as above, except she can sometimes be unintentionally rude in the name of humour and not realise just how insensitive she’s being. Weakness: Her stubborn refusal to let anyone hear what she’s actually thinking in terms of serious matters. Considering she talks so much, it’s amazing just how little she actually says. Fears: Loneliness. Irrelevancy. The death of a loved one.  Phobias: Pigeons and blood. Secrets: Her sex addiction. Regrets: Letting Caleb sign up to the army without putting up more of a fight. Feels Vulnerable When: Someone asks her something personal about herself. Pet Peeves: Bad breath, poor sense of personal hygiene, making a commitment. Sexuality: Pan-sexual. Exercise Routine: She has a lot of ballet rehearsals and training weekly, so that along with a vigorous (to put it lightly) sex life keep her well in shape. Day or Night Person: Both. Introvert or Extrovert: Extrovert.  Optimist or Pessimist: Optimist. 

LIKES AND PREFERENCES

Music: Synth-pop and disco, mostly. She also loves early 2000′s classics, e.g. Britney, Robyn. She also selectively listens to classic rock records as a result of her father’s influence. Books: Lana isn’t particularly a huge reader, although she used to be obsessive over the Twilight books during her early teens. Magazines: Any trashy celebrity magazine, Lana loves to flip through. She’s a fiend for salacious gossip and anything that discusses the wild escapades of Lindsay Lohan. Foods: Lana eats anything and everything. She particularly loves Greek yogurt mixed in with honey, though, as well as any kind of candy. She has a big sweet tooth. Drinks: Again, she’s pretty flexible in this department. She really likes cherry cola, though. Animals: Lana’s a big dog person. She also has always had an affinity for sloths because she loves how slow they move and how long their arms are. Sports: Dance. Gymnastics, briefly, when she was younger, as well as cheer, but currently she only actively pursues dance, ballet in particular. Social Issues: She thinks Trump is ugly and is a big advocate for trans-sectional feminism. Favorite Saying: Country booooyyeee, ah luuuurve yew... Color: Red. Clothing: Seventies style, Penny Lane inspired jackets with fur fringed cuffs. Any kind of boldly coloured fur coat, actually. Glittery boots. Spaghetti strap mini’s. Shrunken cartoon t-shirts that wear like a crop. Anything flamboyant and colourful, Lana loves. She dresses a lot like Cher from Clueless, Rachel Green from the early Friends seasons and Brittany Murphy’s character in Uptown Girls. Jewelry: None in particular. Games: She used to always play Saints Row when she was younger. Websites: Twitter, Tumblr, Vine and PornHub. TV Shows: Girlboss and Sex in the City. Movies: Almost Famous, Heathers and Stand By Me. Greatest Want: To be the centre of someone’s world. Greatest Need: For somebody to show that they care.

LIFESTYLE

Home: Currently lives in her sorority house. Household furnishings: Her room has lots of fluffy cushions, a hamburger on-the-cord phone like Ellen Page’s in Juno, a holographic vinyl record player from Urban Outfitters. She also has a whole bunch of fairy lights and a neon mood light. Lots of feather boa’s and strange costume pieces strewn around as well as scantily clad lingerie. Very aesthetically pleasing, very messy, very Tumblr. Favorite Possession: A stack of polaroids her and Frankie have amassed over their many wild adventures. Neighborhood: Rochester. Town or City Name: New York. Married Before: No. Significant Other Before: She’s had a whole string of exes, each one equally awful. Lana settles for pretty much anyone, as long as they pay her attention. She doesn’t really believe she deserves much more. Children: N/A. Relationship with Family: Strained. Her parents do their best never to talk to her. She does her best to keep in contact with Caleb, but he prefers to isolate himself and self destruct rather than seek her help. Car: None, although she keeps test driving a vintage Cadillac and has her eye on buying it, despite the impracticality of the purchase. Pets: None. Career: Student. Salary: N/A. Other Income: N/A. Dream Career: Professional ballet dancer. She dreams of performing as the black swan. Dream Life: One furnished with close friends and family, all of which actually value her presence. She wouldn’t have to struggle with a sex addiction in an ideal world, either. Sex could be something treasured and intimate, not something she feels a compulsion to tick off a list. Love Life: On the rocks with Teddy and battling a whole fistful of crushes on just about everyone she’s close to. In other words, a mess. Sexual Turn Ons: Assertiveness, teasing, exhibitionism. Sexual Turn Offs: Constantly asking if she’s enjoying herself, awkwardness, any amount of romance. Hobbies: Ballet, cruising Craigslist for sex ads with strangers, aimlessly tapping through Omegle chats, shopping, going to parties. Guilty Pleasure: She knows all of the words and choreography to the Hoedown Throwdown by Hannah Montana. Sports or Clubs: Ballet. Talents or Skills: Ballet, networking. Intelligence Level: While she isn’t particularly book smart, Lana is thoroughly creative and a great people person. 

The Goldfinch, by Donna Tartt

Boy was I hyped for this book. I read The Secret History in September (twice) and had to keep myself from making a shrine to Donna Tartt, so when I finally got my hands on The Goldfinch (which is a Pulitzer Prize winner no less) I was very, very excited. Which, as I keep forgetting, is not a good way to start a new book. So... It’s not like this book was a waste of time, and who am I to criticize a Pulitzer book anyway, but to me it’s definitely not as good as The Secret History, and at times I found it very hard to keep going.

Let’s start with what I liked though. I like how Donna Tartt writes relationships. I read an interview with her the other day where she says that she’s less interested in writing romance than other kinds of relationships. So far I’ve read two of her three novels (and at least in those two it’s very obvious that she doesn’t find romance all that interesting) and I’m very grateful to come across an author who doesn’t treat romance as the end-all-be-all. Granted, her depiction of friendship and family, and really her books in general, are rather dark and I dare say pessimistic, but still, it’s refreshing and superbly done. The main friendship here is the one between the protagonist and narrator, Theo, and his childhood friend Boris whom he meets a few weeks after his mother’s death in a terrorist attack (not committed by Islamists. Thanks, Donna). They soon become the only fixed point in each other’s lives in a solitary world of neglectful and violent fathers and absent/dead mothers. Objectively speaking, neither one is a good influence on the other: Boris is an alcoholic at the tender age of 13 and introduces Theo to a whole lot of other disreputable substances, as well as petty crime, and Theo’s self-destructive behaviour only exacerbates Boris’ tendency toward recklessness. But despite all that they form a strong friendship (with some romantic subtext here and there) based on a deep understanding of the other’s character, and morals aside, it’s really beautiful to see how far they would go for the other. I’d still say that they’re bad for each other and that their relationship is destructive at its core, but not because it’s a bad friendship - rather because their respective personal issues inadvertently make the other’s worse and also have a negative impact on their environment. Actually I think that’s true for most of Donna Tartt’s characters: They’re not really bad people (by whatever standards), and their issues don’t make them bad people either; it’s more the specific combinations in stressful situations that produce bad outcomes for them and others.

Another important relationship in The Goldfinch is the one between Theo and several parental figures: his mother (dead, which leaves him deeply scarred), Mrs Barbour who takes him in for a while after his mother’s death, his father (a relationship that haunts Theo his entire life), and Hobie, his guardian. It’s a rather tired trope to kill the protagonist’s mother in order to induce personal trauma, but I think in this case it’s very well executed and although we only meet her for a few short pages, she feels like a real, layered person instead of some sacrificial lamb meant only to create manpain. Her death, and specifically the manner of her death (the terrorist attack, during which Theo is also injured) leaves a huge hole in his heart and causes a whole bunch of mental health issues, but the reason for that is that we know first hand what a great person, and great mother, she was, and that’s what makes Theo’s pain over her death so relatable. (spoilers) His father, on the other hand, remains rather one-dimensional although he gets a lot more screen time. The only thing I know about him now is that he’s an abusive, unreliable coward, and honestly that’s enough, the less said about him the better. What’s really interesting is not him as a character, but his relationship with Theo, specifically how Theo recognizes (or thinks he recognizes) his father in his every action and urge and how it contributes to his self-loathing and carelessness about his destructive impulses.

So Theo’s biological parents are abusive and/or deceased, which is why he turns to other parent-aged people, namely Mrs. Barbour and Hobie. Especially Theo’s relationship with Mrs. Barbour becomes a bit obsessive, to the point where he mainly agrees to marry his girlfriend (Mrs. Barbour’s daughter) in order to please Mrs. Barbour, but in general they have a positive influence on Theo’s life. Theo has severe mommy/daddy issues and is very insecure toward them since subconciously he always thinks they’ll kick him out, even when he’s financially independent and an adult himself, so he always does his very best to hide his inner torment from them. Of course this is not a good thing in general, but it forces Theo to keep up appearances, to keep it together at least superficially, and I’m pretty sure it’s the only thing that keeps his drug addiction from escalating so much that it impairs his ability to function. They don’t know enough about what’s going on inside him, maybe also turned a blind eye a bit too often in an effort to see what they hoped to see and respect his privacy, but at least he didn’t end up as another body in the gutter, dead from heroin overdose, which would very likely have happened without them.

Lastly, there’s the romantic relationships, if you can call them that. The one with Kitsey (the woman he almost marries) is not really romantic; if anything, Theo’s in love with the idea of being in love with her, and the sense of normalcy that comes with it. It’s quite obvious that he doesn’t really know her, and she doesn’t really know him, and they’re both not remotely interested in changing that since it would mean letting their facades of a normal life without emotional trauma drop, and they’re both not ready for that. Not with each other anyway. They get along well enough when they’re alone although they don’t seem to share any interests, but they’re definitely not marrying for love but rather for convenience.

Theo’s relationship with Pippa, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. I dare say it’s not so much love but obsession that binds him to her, stemming from an emotional connection because of shared trauma (she was a survivor of the same terrorist attack that killed Theo’s mother and left him injured). Theo knows a lot about Pippa, they can talk to each other and they share interests - which would be perfect if in his mind she wasn’t so inextricably linked to his guilt complex about the loss of his mother, and if she reciprocated the feeling. Which thankfully she doesn’t (to that extent, at least; it leaves her enough reason to see things as they are) because she understands very well that what they both need in their lives is not another unstable person. She doesn’t cut ties with him entirely because after all they share many experiences and mean a lot ot each other, but she continually makes it clear that she doesn’t want to be with him - which doesn’t stop him from developing a more or less respectful, but very unhealthy obsession about her. However, while I don’t see anything remotely romantic or cute in this kind of relationship, I like how Donna Tartt executes it. Theo’s relationship with Pippa could very easily be turned into something that the reader is supposed to find romantic - the lonely, broken man pining for his childhood sweetheart - but it’s not. It’s shown for what it is: unhealthy, obsessive, damaging to both of them, a curse rather than a blessing. Which for me makes it all the more interesting, if painful, to observe.

So. Obviously, I liked the interactions between the characters and how they all make so much sense considering their personal backstories. What I didn’t like was mainly the length of it. For the entire 800+ pages the reader is stuck in Theo’s head, and let me tell you, it’s not pleasant in there. On the one hand, descriptions of drug abuse are simply not my thing, I don’t like spending a lot of time in the head of someone who’s constantly on alcohol, painkillers, cocaine and what have you. It’s doubly not my thing if the character in question is 13 years old. The part in Vegas dragged so much I was seriously tempted to put the book down, which goes against my every principle as a bibliophile. It got better when Theo was grown up because the problems of a twenty-something are more interesting to me than those of a teenager - but not much better. Because Theo keeps making the wrong choices (only one wrong choice, really) over and over again, and worse, he keeps whining about all the missed turns. Yes, it makes sense in terms of his character, someone who’s so cagey about personal information doesn’t just walk up to his guardian one day and tells him that he accidentally stole a 65 Mio. Dollar painting - but on the long term it’s so frustrating I kept wanting to shake some sense into him. Theo isn’t a take-charge character (even in the end it was thanks to Boris that the painting finally got back where it belonged), he’s someone who just floats along while wistfully looking at all the missed chances, but there’s only so much I can take of such an approach to life. And it’s definitely less than 800+ pages.