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#gruff father figure dies in front of them
cheetomanistrash · 1 year
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The similarities between Ellie and Vi, to the point of their mirror scene - watching their family/father figure die while they’re helplessly pinned to the ground - haunts me
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yuesgirlfriend · 8 months
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of birds and honey
(simon "ghost" riley x reader) medieval AU
part 1/part 2/part 3
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warnings: canon typical violence, masturbation (afab)
A week passes without much happening.
Excitement over new knights has died down, and the people go back to their regular routine. Wool is spun, gardens are weeded, new straw with sweet smelling sprigs of rosemary is spread over the floor. Peasants in distant fields begin planting and tilling as spring slowly settles into the dreary air. 
 She feigns reading when her father discusses defenses with the Knight Commander Price, hears gossip of French ships breaching southern shores by the kitchens, and overhears one of the knights (Garrick, she heard his name was) express worry about leaked battle plans and French spies. 
She does not see the man called Ghost again, until one afternoon she is practicing embroidery while balanced on a windowsill overlooking the courtyard. 
Shouts sound out from down below- when she glances down, a small crowd has gathered around two figures circling eachother.  
She rushes to the scene when sounds of steel striking steel begin to ring out. Down the stairs, past the hall, through the kitchens, and there he is- Ghost- swinging a blade towards another knight.
 A duel, a duel! Sir Graves and the Ghost!
Says one of the stable boys as the other man- Graves- dodges another strike. She pushes her way to the front of the crowd, needing to see every line of Ghost’s armored body as he grunts and dodges. He moves like he is dancing, brutal and calculated. 
Duels are vicious, bloody ordeals- very few have ever happened under her fathers watch, the clergy under his thumb finding the merciless bloodshed godless. But now her father watches from his balcony as Ghost parries Graves thrust and, with one fluid motion, takes his head. 
Something wet and warm splatters across her face. She doesn’t flinch. 
While Ghost holds the mans head by the helmet and roars warnings of what happens to traitors to the rest of the watching, silent knights and crowd of stunned servants, she stares at the red hot blood splattered across her shoes and silken surcoat and tries to put a name to the feeling coiling in her stomach. 
The sky is streaked with red as the run sets into the horizon, as if God saw the blood in the courtyard and took inspiration. Every sound and color seems muted, unable to break through the buzzing in her ears. She spends the rest of the evening picking flecks of blood off her face, feigning a headache and skipping dinner. 
Her hands don’t stop shaking, and she’s filled with the need to run, to move. Once the sun sets, she slinks out of her room. Favoring the shadows and moving only when sentries are turned away, she makes her way to the highest peak of outer wall. The stars peek over the horizon, the moon hanging above them like a pearl. 
A shiver runs through her when her eyes land on the hulking form standing over the parapet. She moves on soundless, slippered feet towards him. 
“Lady.” He says as if in greeting. How he heard her, she’ll never know. 
“It must be true, what the cook says.” She steps up beside him, overlooking the dark his surrounding the castle, the plains muddled together under the blanket of night. 
“And what is that?” His voice is gruff, his hood up over his masked face. 
“That you have got eyes in the back of your head.” 
That’s the abridged version of what the cook had said; she had overheard the old man telling the maids of rumors he had heard- that the Ghost was the spawn of the devil, a witches son, a biblically deformed creature hiding 9 eyes and countless heads beneath the mask.
Something vindictive and admittedly childish had rose up in her and led to her placing several handfuls of nettles in the cooks bed. 
She refused to feel guilty, even when she spotted the irritated welts on the mans skin the next day- was it not the prophet Amos who said to let justice roll on like a river, and righteousness like a never-failing stream? 
He lets out a huff. Something tells her this is as close to a laugh as he will give her. For a long moment, there is only silence broken by the occasional scurry of a rat, as they stand watching the night where it’s unfolded before them. 
“There’s a storm on it’s way, lady.” His gloved fingers tighten where they grip the stone. She wishes he would turn, so she could see his eyes. “It’d be wise if your father sent you somewhere far.”  
“I’m stronger than I seem- have faith, I can weather any storm, sir. And the stronghold is well defended.” 
“‘S not the stronghold I worry about. It’s the people.” Finally, he turns to face her- in the moonlight, his eyes look like moons themselves, haloed by a dark night of greasepaint. 
“Be careful who you trust, lady.” In one fluid motion, he takes off his cloak and wraps it around her shoulders before bodily turning her away. “Get back inside. You’re father would have my head if I let ya freeze.” 
She follows his orders without question. Maybe he really is a witches son,  she thinks as she slinks back into her quarters. 
The fire is nothing more than a collection of dim coals, now. Wrapping the Ghost’s cloak tighter around herself, she tosses another log onto the fire and crawls into her bed. 
The feeling from earlier that day is back- the tensing, the coiling in her stomach, the heat in her abdomen as if someone is churning her chest over hot coals. Usually venturing out at night cures her of this incessent, shaky need to move, but this time, it had only exacerbated it. 
Squirming around, she buries her nose in his cloak. Ghost’s cloak. It smells of lye soap, wood ash, cold night air.  
Some kind of hot and heavy pressure hangs in her stomach- her thighs rub together, twisted around her sheet, and that seems to help for a moment, but then it gets worse. 
Without thinking, she sends a trembling hand down between her legs- to her womanhood, as her old governess would have said- and adds more pressure. And, oh-  that is new.
She hesitantly moves this wetness around, up and down, until her back arches off the mattress, until she masters this new feeling and she has to bury her moans in the rough frabric of Ghost’s cloak.
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infernalodie · 1 year
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𝐈 𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐲𝐬 || 𝐈𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐨 𝐊𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐚𝐤𝐢
“𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘴, 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘩 𝘐 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯, 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘩 𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘐'𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯“
Inspo: NF - I Miss The Days Chase Atlantic - Consume
Pairing: Ichigo Kurosaki x Kurosaki!Male!reader
Summary: All he wanted was to have you return...
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Warnings: Just angst
Words: 1601
When you left, Ichigo hated you. No one understood why you felt obligated to serve in the military, but you did. You up and left without another word. Being the oldest siblings, Ichigo always thought you would stick around. Be there to see him grow up and be the father figure he needed when your guy’s dad was acting like an idiot. But you left and it created a general resentment in the family that could be felt on all sides.
And even when you supposedly died, Ichigo hated you for it. Through all the years of him growing up to now being an adult and holding so many responsibilities with the Soul Society and your guys’ family, he never stopped hating you. Maybe it was the fact that you made him feel neglected when he needed you most. To teach him everything you knew and to just be an older brother to him. The thin line of what he had wanted from you was so blurry.
But he missed when he could smile knowing you would walk him to school. He missed when you would find a way to make his anxiety simmer with a simple smile and hug. And he missed the days you would hold him as he cried into your shoulder. Reflecting on all the bullying he got because of his orange hair. Those days were so simple, yet, so sweet that he wanted nothing more than to have them back. He wished for you to hold him once more as he let out every pent-up emotion.
But now, seeing you here, standing by Aizen’s side, he didn’t know what to feel. Because, behind the hollow mask that covered your face, he could see the orange tips and black roots along the edge. He knew no one else to hold those features besides you.
“Go have some fun, Y/n.” Aizen’s order was followed by you teleporting with a shimmer. Appearing behind your brother and kicking him hard enough to send him flying down to the streets below of Karakura Town.
Smoke filled the air from the impact of Ichigo’s body as he slowly stood to his feet. Grunting in annoyance as you appeared ten feet away. Still emotionless with your sword in hand as you watched Ichigo stand to his feet. “Alright.” He rolled his shoulders in an attempt to relieve the growing ache he was experiencing. “If this is how it’s going to be, then so be it.”
Gripping his sword tightly, he held it in front of him, ready to fight. But you raised two fingers and whispering, “Rapture.”
Everything around quickly flashed to white, a yell falling from his lips as he tried to block it out. But when it faded, he was invited to the sight of some sort of realm. A large box you two were trapped inside, with black lines perfectly lining the floor, walls, and ceiling.
Ichigo turned his attention back to you, seeing you lower your hand and rest by your side. Those familiar e/c eyes stared back at him. So familiar yet clouded with whatever was hidden beneath. Was it even you? Was this Aizen’s trick to get inside his head? Nothing was to be sure of, but Ichigo knew those eyes from everywhere. How they gleamed with happiness whenever he smiled. Or how much sadness you were able to hold back and mask behind a bright smile and glimmering eyes.
“You can’t escape unless you kill me or I kill you,” you told him, voice distorted to a gruff and almost hollow-like tone. Eyes sharpening, now glowing aqua blue with your sword being engulfed in blue flames. Raising your sword, pointed toward him as his knuckles paled, gripping the handle of his very own tightly. “But I won’t allow you to win.”
Faze stepping, body shimmering, you attacked Ichigo without a moment’s hesitation. The flames of your sword caused him to wince, the heat causing his eyes to squint. Ichigo pushed his own sword against yours to create some form of distance. But you only leaned your weight into your blade and pushed him back. Knocking him off guard for you to slash at his thigh. “Fight me, Ichigo Kurosaki!” You yelled, anger beginning to bubble to the surface.
“Y/n. Y/n, it’s me. Ichigo,” the orange-haired boy said. “Stop fighting and listen to me.”
He watched as you placed a hand on the side of your head. Finger tensing on the mask as you growled, faze stepping towards the boy and beginning to attack mercilessly. The strength and speed of your attacks did make Ichigo go on the defensive, but it never stopped him from trying to break through your Perfect Hollow Form. A mixture of his Vasto Lorde form and Fullbring.
“You’re a Kurosaki, Y/n Kurosaki. You have to remember.”
“Shut your mouth, child!” You release your full strength, sending Ichigo flying through the air and colliding with a wall. The sheer force caused him to cough up blood as he tried to find his footing in the air. “Show me the respect of a fight!”
Kneeling, Ichigo panted as he stared at your distant figure. “You left for the army 20 years ago. You died in a firefight. You’re my brother, Y/n!” He yelled, moving out of the way when thrust your sword at him.
Aizen, who watched from above, smiled in amusement. “You can’t get through to him, Kurosaki. I made sure that his hollow has full control and won’t survive-” Aizen could barely get a word out before a beam was shot directly at him, sending him out of the box. The hole he was taken out of healing over within seconds. Ichigo could only watch in shock as you lowered your hand, head bowed as you twitched.
Before Ichigo could comprehend anything, he watched your finger hook at the bottom of the mask. A scream tore at your throat as you ripped at the mask. Ichigo ran over, already knowing and having a feeling as to what might happen. “Y/n, stop!” He yelled.
But it was too late, with one final yell, you ripped the mask from your face. Releasing the power of your hollow and fullbring form at once, aiming themselves at Ichigo. He dodged and slashed at the burst of energy before thrusting his sword forward at the last. But was shocked to find you, his sword impaled through you.
A cough fell from your lips, blood leaking from the corner of your lips as you looked up at Ichigo. His eyes quivered, his mouth parted with his hands frozen to his handle. “Ichigo…” Your voice shook him from his thoughts, eyes began to tear up as he looked at you. Yet, you let a smile appear, hands placing themselves over his. “It’s good to see you, kid.”
There you were. You were finally here and he could finally see the light within your eyes. The same big brother he remembered. A laugh fell from Ichigo’s lips, tears finally beginning to fall as he held your face. “Y/n.” His lips quivered, trying to show you that he wasn’t the same little kid you had sadly left. But your softening eyes made it hard for him to try and impress you. And the idea of you dying right here in front of him after he finally got you back, making it only harder. “I don’t know what to do!”  He cried.
“Hey. Hey, hey, hey.” You pulled his head to rest against your forehead. “You know exactly what you need to do. Although you may be a bit dense at times, you already know what has to be done.” Ichigo shook his head as you pressed a kiss to his head. “You gotta let me go.”
“I-I can’t! I just got you back!” He shook his head. “I know someone that can help you. We can get you fixed up and I-I-” Before he continued, you firmly grasped the side of his neck and made him look at you. Your finger’s digging into his flesh, but nothing hard enough to make Ichigo wince. But your gaze was stern as you stared back at him intently. A layer of content within your eyes as you sniffled.
“I fucked up a lot when I left you, Yuzu, Karin, and Dad,” you muttered. “I regret leaving and I wish could take back everything I did after that. But we can’t change the past, Ichigo. We have to accept it so we can move forward.” Ichigo watched as your breaths began to grow shallower as you allowed a twitch of a smile to form on your lips. “But no matter where you go and what you do, I’ll always be there, kid.” A tear slid down your cheek with your lips quivering. “I’ll always love you.”
Ichigo stared at you in shock, watching you grab the handle of his sword and begin to pull the blade from your body. Groans fell from your lips as you pulled the final length from you and fall onto your side. Seeing the box surrounding the two of you began to crystalize with your lips quirking into a smile. “Ichigo, find me in our next life,” you said aloud, a shaky smile taking its place on your lips. “I’ll make up for the time lost.”
And before he knew it, your body exploded into pure blue energy. Surrounding Ichigo and embedding itself into Zangetsu. Three small blue jewels glow brightly on the face of the sword.
Ichigo smiled faintly.
“I will.”
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abbysanders2000 · 1 year
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Sneak preview of a little something I've been working on!!
First thank you to everyone who has liked my posts I greatly appreciate it!! I do not own any characters from the lost boys only my OC. With that being said please enjoy and no hate! This also ties into another Fandom but you'll have to read to find out.
~New Orleans 1923~
Vicki sat in front of the fireplace book in hand. The rain beat softly against the window pane as the yelling got louder and louder from downstairs. She rolled her eyes at the petty argument from downstairs.
No doubt her father and sister. She was more or less raised as her cousin but seeing as they were the only two females in the house they were more sisters. She sighed slightly as she now heard the voice of her fathers lover weigh into the conversation.
"Jesus Mary and Joseph what is it now?!" She asked irritated as she slams her book shut. She rises from her seat and makes her way downstairs to see what all the ruckus was about.
She walked in late to the conversation. "White girl down in Algiers. Sings torch songs with a flat no nothing ass. Been following you Uncle Les. You ain't been your careful self." Her sister snears over at Vicki's father.
"Excuse me? Your still seeing that whore? And to think you pass yourself off as cultured father." She said not even thinking about the words as she said them. She had never spoken against her father. Not in the 23 years she's been on this earth.
He snapped his head back towards his daughter. "I don't recall asking your permission ma petie. You never ask for mine when you run off with those four miscreants and spend all hours of the night. Doing only God knows what."
"I'm not the one running around on my companions either. You spout this nonsense about a hidden connection none of us can see how you and Uncle Louis are tied together as maker and created. But yet here you are." She said placing a hand on her hip as she looked int her father's cold dead eyes.
"To think... you treat Uncle Louis like this... I hate to have see how badly you would have treated my mother." And that of course had been the final straw. Vicki's mother had died in childbirth as most did bringing a half vampire half human child into the world. It was a topic that was not often discussed between the two.
He went to advance on her but was stopped. "Lestat. Enough. Everyone's on edge. Let it be before you do something you'll regret. Vicki..... go back upstairs now. Go on.." He said looking at her with pleading eyes.
Vicki shook her head. "No. No I refuse to be in the same house as him. I cant." She shook her head as she came fully down the stairs. She grabbed her coat from the rack as she looked at her father in disgust.
"And where do you think your going?" He asked. "None of your concern." "Victoria Esme De Lioncourt if you walk out that door don't bother coming back!"
And with that she was gone. Out the door as quickly as a flash of light. Tears rolled down her face as she walked down the street as rain covered her from head to toe. Through her sobs she managed to get a word out to her lovers.
'David? Marko Paul Dwayne anyone at this point?' She cried out into their link. A gruff voice finally answered. 'Come to us doll. Max has us in this townhouse the next street over.' It was Dwayne.
'I'm guessing you heard what happened?' She asked. 'I'm afraid so. David and the others are hunting so it's just me here.' He said. Her sobs got worse.
'I can't do this anymore Dwayne. I have to get away from him. It's like the more I stay the worse it gets. I don't understand.' It started getting harder and harder for her to breathe. She gasped for breath as she sobbed
'Shhh doll everything is going to be alright. Once you get here and the boys get back we're going to get everything figured out. You've got my word on that my love.'
Those words of comfort seemed to ease her soul. The tears stopped falling. Her breathing regulated the closer she got to the townhouse. It was like the thought of being in their arms took every worry in her mind away. Almost as if they never existed to begin with.
As she reached the door of the townhouse a thought came across her mind. A thought she had for a while now. One that was buried in her mind so far not even her own father could find. One he hated and yet always knew would come.
Maybe... just maybe it was time.. Victoria left her father. Left for a life of her own. A life with her mates in a California town called Santa Carla. Maybe. Just maybe.
Well?? Thoughts comments concerns? Let me know what you think!
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rubykgrant · 2 years
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Some other thoughts about my RVB Monsters AU-
Sarge was actually from a family of monster hunters, who mostly specialized in Vampires, but they haven’t seen any in a couple generations... because this AU happens in kinda-sorta “normal modern times”, he got sent to fight in WW2 when he was entirely too young to be allowed (but they didn’t care), and came home to find his family mysteriously killed. For a few years he waited for regular authorities to solve the murders, then finally accepted the fact that spooky monster stuff is real, and spent the next few years tracking down the Vampires that killed his family (with a brief interruption, in which he was drafted into another war). When he was 29, he found the leader Vampire, and after a nasty fight, Sarge killed the monster... but wound up bit. He wasn’t able to treat the wound properly, having focused more on how to destroy monsters instead of healing options. As a result, he’s kinda stuck in a perpetual “first-stage of Vampire transformation”. He’s learned more about how to deal with it (as well as other supernatural situations) since then. Basically, he needs to have a series of blood transfusions, and takes some un-Vampire medicine (it’s garlic flavored!). He’s a bit of a mad scientist for himself. Instead of just killing monsters, Sarge begins to take the time to actually study them, even gets to know a few, and reluctantly helps them (because he got bit when he was 29, he kinda decided that is both the beginning and end of his “life” in a symbolic way. he doesn’t stop aging, but it goes a bit more slowly... he’s still a gruff old man, though)
Simmons was working as an unpaid intern for his parent’s business, kind of just running around and doing busy-work. Because he’s ambitious and eager to please, he wanted to try and find a weird “financial glitch”, but started uncovering a money scam his dad was part of. What Simmons didn’t know; his dad was basically working for a weird kind of “Vampire Company”, with all these old-school fancy Vampires make deals with humans so they get big mansions and use various businesses as fronts. The Vampires get privacy and a steady flow of victims, and the people who are in on it get lots of money and expensive antiques. Some boss Vampire asks Mr Simmons for a human sacrifice be provided for a ceremony, which he will be compensated for. Daddy-dearest figures volunteering his son is a win-win. Vampires get a snack, and all the illegal activity gets swept under the rug. Simmons almost dies... but then! Sarge bursts in on the scene, finds a scrawny young man nearly drained of blood, and sets about rescuing him. Simmons is already too close to transforming, he can’t be saved from becoming a Vampire, but since Sarge killed the one who bit him, Simmons doesn’t get all “cursed to obey a master” or whatever. Actually, Simmons adjusts fairly well, not having too many craving issues and what-not. He has lots of angst and depression when he realizes his dad basically traded him for financial favors from Vampires, but soon he latches onto Sarge as a new father-figure. He helps Sarge understand things like the internet, and eventually assists him out in the field (a run-in with another monster left Simmons injured, now with a glass eye. it takes him a while to kinda tap-into his awesome Vampire Powers, but he figures it out)
Grif and his sister Kai were on their way to the airport together (he didn’t know how to explain what a tight spot he was in, feeling like he was trapped at home, unable to find a decent job, and no longer young and cute enough to get away with shop-lifting. he fell for some “Join the army!” BS, but told her he was drafted so she wouldn’t think he was ditching her. he really felt more like she could take care of herself better without him). There was a horrible traffic accident, caused by mysterious circumstances, leaving many people injured, and several dead... a few days later, Zombies start showing up in the streets. Sarge and Simmons go directly to what seems to be the center of the Zombie activity, first doing some recon to figure out what KIND of Zombies these are (virus, fungus, space parasite, mental dominance, or magical necromancy?). They notice one Zombie in particular doesn’t seem to motivated when it comes to chasing humans... he sits himself down and rummages around for some abandoned pizza sitting in a box on a bench instead. Sarge decides he wants to study this Zombie, so Simmons gets the idea to buy a pack of Oreos, and make a trail to their van. The Zombie comes right along, and while he seems to get irritated from Sarge barking orders, he’s a pretty chill Zombie. He isn’t even being restrained back at the warehouse where they live, he just hangs out. They finally figure out some kind of magical necromancy is involved, but the spell is fading... to keep the Zombie from re-dying, they give him a transfusion of Simmons’ blood (already half-dead, but able to be alive), and Sarge Frankenstein’s some “fresher” body parts. The Zombie stays alive, stops rotting, and starts talking! From a partially scuffed ID in his pocket, they know his name is Grif (but he can’t remember much else about his life. as he experiences more things, it reminds him of events in his life. thankfully, he and Simmons talk CONSTANTLY about EVERYTHING). Now he’s less of a Zombie, and a bit more like a Ghoul. Kai was also resurrected by a necromancer spell, but something different than her brother. She doesn’t appear undead or decayed at all (lucky), and likes to call herself a “Succubus” for the fun of it. She also has a better memory than her brother, and is trying to track him down. Neither of them really knows or understands what caused the accident or who brought them back to life...
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colin-blackwood · 1 year
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Colin Blackwood ♦ Cis man (He/ Him) ♦ 52 ♦ Law Enforcement ♦ Detective Chief Inspector
“Honestly? I’d rather stick my dick in a blender than hear another one of those lies.”
divorce tw, siblings death tw, murder tw, guns tw
Colin was born in Leeds (Yorkshire) in 1970. His mother worked in a canning factory while his father worked in one of the many collieries of the region. With his elder brother, they’d gone to public school with hopes and dreams and yet the dooming realization, as years passed, that there was no rising from their condition. Colin’s brother started working in the mines, but on his fourteenth year, in 1984, miners went on strike across the country to protest Thatcher’s decision to close 20 coal mines. Although the strike went on to last a whole year, his father and his brother lost their jobs, eventually, as the mines shut down permanently. His father went on to find a new job in the months that followed, but Colin’s brother, Henry chose to stop following his father’s footsteps and instead joined one of his friends at the fire department.
Colin loved hearing his brother’s stories over Sunday lunch, and he told himself that one day, he too would have stories of his own to tell the family, and you could say that he managed to do just that.
He started as a constable and slowly but surely made his way up the hierarchy. An arrest he made in 2001 earned him a spot on the front pages of local newspapers as he put an end to the macabre career of a serial killer. He was offered a book deal and a position as an instructor at the London Police Academy, but both were refused by Colin, who didn’t want to stray away from his mission. Leeds was however growing a bit too small for him, and he made them a counter offer : he wouldn’t work for the Academy, but he’d love a place in one of their precincts. London would be a nicer place for he and his wife to raise their unborn child. But when one Blackwood brother was met with success, one was met with a much darker fate. Colin had been working in London for a week when he received a phone call from his mother to let him know that his brother had perished in a fire. The perspective of becoming a father might have been the only thread that kept Colin from drowning in his sorrow then, but as years passed, feelings of guilt and helplessness replaced the pain of loss, and it was through burying himself in work and accepting more cases that Colin made it through his days. His attitude led the pair to an inevitable divorce, one which Colin never really blamed himself for.
Although he eventually recovered from losing his brother so soon, Colin finds it sometimes difficult to let things go, and tends to get obsessive working on cases. He can count on his partner not to let him fall into the rabbit hole.
Recently, Colin gathered the attention of the press on another serial killer case he’d solved, but this time, not for the same reasons. Having shot the man dead during the arrest, he’s now under investigation to figure whether his actions were justified.
+ / -  hot headed, honorable, faithful, gruff, dutiful, logical, traditional, easily angered
Every now and then, he’ll get phone calls from True Crime podcasters regarding his 2001 arrest. Although he never once agreed to one of these, requests still end up in his professional inbox anyway.
While he doesn’t particularly resents the Conservative Party for what they did to his family (after all, the Labor Party also shut down collieries), Colin has an unspeakable hatred for Margaret Thatcher. He may have peed on her grave at some inebriated point.
The serial killer that Colin shot was an arsonist and it is the belief of some people that the detective acted the way he did because his brother died in a fire that had been the handy work of another arsonist.
Although Colin doesn’t precisely spend a lot of time out of work, he will make time for his daughter. They can spend hours on jigsaw puzzles, but another favorite activity of the pair is going to the movies.
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Colin Blackwood ♦ Cis man (He/ Him) ♦ 52 ♦ Law Enforcement ♦ Detective Chief Inspector
"Honestly? I'd rather stick my dick in a blender than hear another one of those lies."
divorce tw, siblings death tw, murder tw, guns tw
Colin was born in Leeds (Yorkshire) in 1970. His mother worked in a canning factory while his father worked in one of the many collieries of the region. With his elder brother, they'd gone to public school with hopes and dreams and yet the dooming realization, as years passed, that there was no rising from their condition. Colin's brother started working in the mines, but on his fourteenth year, in 1984, miners went on strike across the country to protest Thatcher's decision to close 20 coal mines. Although the strike went on to last a whole year, his father and his brother lost their jobs, eventually, as the mines shut down permanently. His father went on to find a new job in the months that followed, but Colin's brother, Henry chose to stop following his father's footsteps and instead joined one of his friends at the fire department.
Colin loved hearing his brother's stories over Sunday lunch, and he told himself that one day, he too would have stories of his own to tell the family, and you could say that he managed to do just that.
He started as a constable and slowly but surely made his way up the hierarchy. An arrest he made in 2001 earned him a spot on the front pages of local newspapers as he put an end to the macabre career of a serial killer. He was offered a book deal and a position as an instructor at the London Police Academy, but both were refused by Colin, who didn't want to stray away from his mission. Leeds was however growing a bit too small for him, and he made them a counter offer : he wouldn't work for the Academy, but he'd love a place in one of their precincts. London would be a nicer place for he and his wife to raise their unborn child. But when one Blackwood brother was met with success, one was met with a much darker fate. Colin had been working in London for a week when he received a phone call from his mother to let him know that his brother had perished in a fire. The perspective of becoming a father might have been the only thread that kept Colin from drowning in his sorrow then, but as years passed, feelings of guilt and helplessness replaced the pain of loss, and it was through burying himself in work and accepting more cases that Colin made it through his days. His attitude led the pair to an inevitable divorce, one which Colin never really blamed himself for.
Although he eventually recovered from losing his brother so soon, Colin finds it sometimes difficult to let things go, and tends to get obsessive working on cases. He can count on his partner not to let him fall into the rabbit hole.
Recently, Colin gathered the attention of the press on another serial killer case he'd solved, but this time, not for the same reasons. Having shot the man dead during the arrest, he's now under investigation to figure whether his actions were justified.
+ / -  hot headed, honorable, faithful, gruff, dutiful, logical, traditional, easily angered
Every now and then, he'll get phone calls from True Crime podcasters regarding his 2001 arrest. Although he never once agreed to one of these, requests still end up in his professional inbox anyway.
His daughter, Inaya, is currently studying medicine at London College.
While he doesn't particularly resents the Conservative Party for what they did to his family (after all, the Labor Party also shut down collieries), Colin has an unspeakable hatred for Margaret Thatcher. He mayhave peed on her grave at some inebriated point.
The serial killer that Colin shot was an arsonist and it is the belief of some people that the detective acted the way he did because his brother died in a fire that had been the handy work of another arsonist.
Although Colin doesn't precisely spend a lot of time out of work, he will make time for his daughter. They can spend hours on jigsaw puzzles, but another favorite activity of the pair is going to the movies.
FC: Jeffrey Dean Morgan
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the-wednesday-tales · 3 years
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17th Birthday
When he wakes up on his seventeenth birthday, Dean doesn’t expect much. He can’t even remember the last time he celebrated a birthday- Sammy will usually give him a (terribly) hand-drawn card and whatever little gift he’s managed to scrounge up on the road, but John lets the day pass just like any other. Dean doesn’t even want much, a simple happy birthday and candle to blow out would be more than enough..but he knows better than to ask for even that.
It’s been almost a year  since John dragged him out of the boys home and back on the road. He’s been looking at Dean differently ever since, a subtle change that Dean can’t quite put his finger on, but can feel palpably nevertheless. He wants to know what he did, but he’s even more afraid to find out. For now he keeps his head down and does as he’s asked, like always.
Dean sighs and rolls out of bed, gets dressed. He throws together what could pass as breakfast for him and Sammy, and when they’re finished John walks in and hands Dean a rifle. Dean silently follows him out into the forest, where they waste away the morning shooting at trees and tin cans.
Sam sits on a stump reading the whole time.
When they get back to the room, Dean has barely sat down at the table to clean the guns when a stack of papers lands in front of him with a plop. He looks up to see John looming over the table, a hard glint in his eyes. Dean eyes the papers warily.
John clears his throat, “There’s a couple of ghosts terrorizing the convent just outside of town. Two nuns haunting the place”.
Dean glances up at John. “Should I pack a bag, so we can head out right away?”
John shakes his head, slaps a gruff hand down on Dean’s shoulder.
“I’m going to stay behind with Sammy. It’s time you took on a hunt by yourself. It’s a simple salt and burn, so even you can’t fuck that up.”
The hand on his shoulder squeezes hard enough to bruise and Dean bites his tongue and nods, shame burning at the back of his throat. John gives him keys to the Impala then heads over to Sammy without another word.
Dean tucks the papers into a duffel alongside the salt, matches, and shotgun casings then heads out.
**** When Dean gets to St. Stephen’s Indian Mission, he pulls over on the other side of the road and pulls out the papers to read. The stack contains a section from the town’s newspaper and some photocopied files from the church mentioned.
Dean settles back to start reading, and is barely a couple sentences in when his stomach drops.
Two nuns.
Two nuns who were in love with each other and were found out by the townspeople.
They killed themselves shortly after, bled out beside one another in the convent’s cemetery, curled together beneath the statue of St. Stephen.
Dean has to close his eyes and swallow against the bile that rises in his throat.
He knows. He knows. He knows. He knows.
Dean draws in a few shaky breaths and slowly opens his eyes. He finally knows what changed, finally understands why John has been looking at him differently. John knows.
Dean cycles through his memories, tries to pinpoint how John could have figured it out. Dean’s been so careful…so careful. He never looks too long, he never flirts, and he certainly has never brought a boy back to the motel. And yet John still knows.
Maybe he can tell just by looking at Dean.
He spends a few more moments in the car, tamping down the rising panic before he gets out and starts investigating.
*** Night has fallen and Dean has spent the better part of two hours locating the graves of the two nuns- Helen and Adelaide. They were hidden in the forest behind the cemetery, marked by two simple crosses. They weren’t even given the decency of being buried in the cemetery, let alone a headstone.
He spends another couple of hours digging up the two graves. Two graves is so much harder then one, and tiring when you’re the only one digging.
He understands what this hunt is now. He understands why it’s his first one alone.
It’s punishment.
John sent him out here as punishment for what he has done, for who he is.
Dean wonders how many hunts, how many punishments he will have to endure until he is normal, until he is clean.
By the time he uncovered both sets of bones, the moon is high in the sky and lights the graves in an eerie bluish color. The nuns are dressed in plain clothes, their habits no where to be seen. Dean bites his cheek until it bleeds. Of course they aren’t in their habits. They defied God. They defied the natural order. They were sinners…abominations.
And now John knows. He knows Dean is just like them. That he is tainted, wrong, unnatural.
Dean goes to pour the salt into the two graves, but stops.
With tears slipping down his cheeks, he carefully moves one set of bones into the other grave. Places them side by side until they are resting together.
Maybe they couldn’t be together when they were alive, but at least now they will be together forever. They deserve that much.
He pours the salt and lights the match. Drops it in with a shaking hand.
He watches as the flames burn steadily. He contemplates stepping into the flames for just a second, a minute. No one else would have to know if he died. His secret would be safe. And he would be clean, right? The fire would purify him, purge him of sins and cleanse his soul of its stains.
But the thought passes, and he thinks of Sammy. He can’t leave him alone. Sammy deserves a good father and while John damn well will never be one, Dean can try.
Dean watches until the flames burn out, tears silently streaming down his face.
On the drive back he has to pull over on the side of the road to throw up. He retches until there’s nothing left in his stomach and the bile burns his throat. When he’s done his chest is heaving, but he still feels sick. His throat burns and his heart hurts when he thinks of Helen and Adelaide. He wonders if he’ll meet the same fate.
He spends a few minutes kneeling in the dirt panting, then pushes himself to his feet, wipes his mouth clean, and gets back in the car.
When he returns to the motel room, he can’t meet John’s eyes. Dean  knows that look will be written plainly across John’s face, knows now what that look means and why it’s there.
He tells John “It’s done” and goes to bed.
*** The next time John sends him on a solo hunt won’t be for years after that.
Inspired by @halfofmysoull @heller-jensen @bisexualrowena and the gut wrenching thing that is J*hn W*nchester’s journals.
Now on ao3
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lonely-lost-soul · 3 years
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A Pirate's Life for Me
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Cover Art Done By: @fridaydev-draws and @friday-dsv (Dreamsmp x reader) Pirate Au! Love Interests: C!Wilbur, C!Techno, C!Dream, C!Sapnap, C!Quackity, and C!Schlatt
~~~
Salt burned your lungs as you tossed open your window with a loud bang, the seagulls perching on your flower boxes screeched in protest and flew from your window. “Fucking sky rats get the fuck out of here you heathens!” You snarled out the window shaking your fist at the bothersome birds, the sounds of the ocean crashing on the shore filled your ears as well as the chatter of the dock workers. You let the breeze blow back your hair and you heard someone calling your name from down below.
“Good morning (Y/n)!” You glanced below you and grinned,
“Morning Eret!” They waved back enthusiastically their dress spilling around their ankles, a basket of fruit was balanced on his hip. “Opening early today? I'm sure your patrons would be happy to start their drunken stupor early,” She held a hand to his mouth snickering and you shot them a look.
“If that gets more money in my pocket then so be it, I won't complain too much.” You shrugged, “Will I still see you later tonight?”
“Always do dove, how can I resist a drink from my favorite bartender.”
“You can’t it’s my charm.”
“Will the both of you shut the fuck up!” Another man’s voice growled from another open window, “It’s too early for your bullshit.” You saw Eret click his tongue but smiled up at you despite the man's protests,
“I’m heading to the market anyway. These fruits won’t sell themselves, I'll see you later.”
“See you soon!” You closed your windows once more, but not before urging your daisies to grow one last time. You tossed open the curtains allowing light to spill into your cozy home, a small carpet was in the middle of your room. It was a deep red and the pattern was made of gold yarn, aside from that everything in your residency was made of dark wood. Your shelves were littered with books and empty cups, and your old worn journal sat open on your desk. It was filled with childhood memories and you continued to write in it to this day, it was easier then, things were simple and everything was innocent and new to you. Now your days were filled with sea fairing idiots who liked to drink themselves stupid, but you could handle yourself, you always kept your father's dagger on your thigh at all times. Those who were frequent customers knew not to mess with you and those who were new learned their lesson within the first ten minutes of meeting you. You inherited the bar from your father, a kindhearted man who died a few years before today, leaving you with the bar and the dagger you had on your hip. You fished through your closet pulling out your clothes for the day, your dress was a gorgeous light coffee color and came down to your ankles. The bottom was flared and had dark brown panels on the sides, it faded inward to a light green then back to the coffee color. The corset around your waist was a dark brown with light green trim, you tied it tight with a small huff making sure your waist was sinched perfectly. The sleeves came down to your elbows allowing you to move your arms freely while making drinks. The top of the dress ended just below your collarbone, you strapped your dagger to your thigh before lacing up your knee-high black boots.
You thought back to your tavern downstairs, you were fortunate enough that you weren’t running this entire operation yourself. You ended up hiring help and they were like family and you knew they saw you as such as well. Most of the girls didn’t have a family of their own so you gave them room and board, also money, of course, you weren’t a terrible boss! You opened the door to your room, you watched Cecil, the tavern’s mascot trot out of Juniper’s room. The border collie liked to switch up which rooms he stayed in protecting every one of your girls when you couldn’t be there for them.
The first of your girls was Adelaide or Addie, she was one of the first to fall under your care. She was around your age, a motherly type, sheep hybrid, who cared for the girls, and always gave the drunk patrons with mommy issues a shoulder to cry on. Her long brown hair always hung down her back, she typically worked tables, served food and drinks, and always got a generous tip from patrons.
The next girl was Judas, a squid-enderman hybrid who was taller than you could ever wish to be, although intimidating you couldn’t meet a kinder woman. A jack of all trades the woman helped out wherever she could, black-ish purple hair curled around her shoulders and some people came specifically to hear her sing. Her voice was like rich velvet and lured men and women in like a siren.
Juniper was after Judas, a demon hybrid who was naive but you’d be a fool to underestimate her. She worked beside you at the bar, she can make some mean fruity drinks, Eret always preferred her drinks over yours. Freckles adorned her face and shoulders, her light brown hair curled down to her middle back, purple horns sprouted from the top of her head. You wanted to adorn it with gold jewelry and you were saving up to gift some to her.
Yeti was a human woman like yourself, she didn’t bother with those who were rude or obnoxious. She kept to herself only really talking when she was spoken to or when there was an opportunity to crack a rare joke. She typically stayed on the sidelines, out of the scenes and Yeti liked to help Judas decorate her sets.
Zig was a kind young adult, they got along with everyone who came inside the tavern. Soft emerald eyes drew people in, and they tried to make sure tensions within the bar didn’t rise and start a fight. There would always be one or two that’s just natural, but one look at Zig and his magic words and they seemed to disperse, not wanting to hurt the kid’s feelings.
Vendetta was the tallest member of the group you had taken in, she was stunningly beautiful and didn't take shit from anybody. She was a guard dog if you will, making sure no one fucked with any of the girls in your tavern. While Zig did their best to keep people under control sometimes they couldn’t win. That’s when Ven would step in and ‘kindly’ escort them off the premises with or without force.
The youngest member here was Luvena. She was a moo-bloom hybrid with soft brown hair that sprouted flowers, her cow ears would twitch when she was excited and followed Addie around like she was her daughter. Addie took her under her wing and was training her to be a perfect little waitress, absolutely warming customers’ hearts. Luvena also loved to give out flowers, she was a fan favorite bringing new life into the tavern.
Cecil barked seeing his mama and scampered over to you, you poured food into his bowl as Juniper wandered into the hallway. Her head rested on the doorframe as she gave you a tried wave, “Morning (Y/n).”
“Morning Juni, We’re opening a little early today. Take your time I’m not expecting a big rush of bar patrons this early.” You assured her and she gave a sleepy nod,
“I’ll be down as soon as Ven’s out of the shower.” She yawned, “This beauty doesn’t come naturally.”
“Hardly darling you’re gorgeous just the way you are.” You reassured with a wink, Juniper flushed a little, happily laughing beside you.
“Just go wake the others will you, you flirt!”
Tossing your head back you gave a happy laugh heading down the hallway to make sure everyone was awake and ready to go for later. Addie and Luvena shared a room so she was in charge of waking up the youngest member of the tavern. Judas was already awake making breakfast for everyone when you headed downstairs, Zig was sitting on the counter beside her, they were the designated taste tester.
“Good morning Miss (Y/n)!” Zig chirped, the young adult hummed fondly, “Sleep okay?”
“Absolutely. What about you both? Thank you for making breakfast Judas.” You hummed fondly and Judas had a shy smile on her face.
“I slept well thank you.” Judas hummed softly, “Also it’s my pleasure. Want to make sure everyone’s healthy and alright.” She let out a little squeak as you wrapped your arms around her body, you barely came up to her chest,
“Judas please marry me,” You complained, “Your breakfast is always heavenly and you care for everyone. Please be my wife.”
“(Y/n)! Please.” She sputtered face turning a dark purple, Zig made a noise of protest and held his hand in the air.
“If she won’t marry you I will!”
“Zig! I’d be honored!”
Their entire face lit up with excitement and they hopped off the table to hug you tightly, you hugged them back and pressed a fond kiss to the top of their head. “I got to open up the tavern, you mind setting the table for me Zig?”
“Sure Miss!”
You sent Judas a kiss in the air which her face burned at, quickly going back to her cooking. You smiled eagerly and unlocked the door to the tavern, you shoved a bucket in front of the door to keep it open. The salty ocean air wafted through your nostrils and your eyes sparkled wondrously.
Today is going to be a good day.
Almost immediately a particular bastard caught your eye,
“You’re here early.” You mused raising an eyebrow,
“Heard you were opening early today sweetcheeks,” His voice was a low baritone, rough from years of smoking and drinking. Horns curled around his fluffy ears that stood out against his gruff exterior, he was a ram hybrid at its finest. “Figured I’d take the opportunity to get a special drink from my special girl,” He mused looking you up and down drinking in your figure. You scoffed at the retired man, he dressed like he was cosplaying captain jack sparrow, the gun’s in his belt just added to his costume and so did his large ruffled shirt, he was never one to forget his gold jewelry.
“Where’s Quackity?” You ignored him sitting him at his usual table, he frowned but you knew he was taking it as an opportunity to stare at your ass. He slid into the stool and put his feet up on the table, his boots were muddy but you could only control him so much. He was too much of a regular to get scared off by your threats and scolding.
“He’ll be in at his normal time. He’s not much of a day drinker, although can’t say I’m complaining. Having all your attention on me and all, considering I’m the only one in here. That being said, I’ll have my usual sweetcheeks.”
“Stop calling me that,” You scolded with a certain fondness that was reserved for the man. “You’re lucky you’re my favorite regular Schlatt,” you gave his ears a fond pinch and he bleated. He sent you a scalding look as you walked away, although the look soon fell as he got a good look at your ass once again.
“I’m your only regular sugar tits!”
“Schlatt feet off the table.” Addie criticized whacking his boots with a rolled-up menu, he rolled his eyes but dropped his feet to the floor. “You should know this by now, we go through this every day.”
“Yeah, yeah little lamb I’m on it. Judas here?”
“She’s always here,” She huffed spreading the menu down on the table. “Do you want your usual or something different? Should I get Quackity’s drink ready too?”
“Nah just stick with mine, for now, tell Judas I’d like to see her.”
Addie clicked her tongue and placed her hand on her hip, “fine. But if you’re just going to grossly flirt with her as you do with (y/n), then keep it to yourself.”
“You’re not the boss of me. Just because you look like an old hag-” The way she glared at him sent a chill down his spine, “shit babe take a joke will you.”
Eventually, people began to file into the tavern, as the morning faded into the afternoon and then into the evening. The tavern was bustling with life, Judas’s elegant voice traveled through the crowds and her voices seemed to float above the voices. Quackity joined Schlatt by his side seemingly irritated by a conversation they were having, Schlatt was about five drinks in at this point, which was much less than his usual, and Quackity on his second.
“What are they talking about?” Luvena asked swinging her legs as she sat on the bar beside you. Her moobloom ears twitching every so often as she tried to eavesdrop on their conversation,
“Vena it’s impolite to eavesdrop.” You scolded bopping her on the head lightly, she whined and rubbed the top of her head.
“I wasn’t!” She argued as you rolled your eyes, you looked over at the two men to find Quackity looking over at you. His hand was raised in the air, one finger was up summoning you to get him another drink.
“I’ll be back, why don’t you talk to Ven while I’m gone. She’ll keep an eye on you.”
“I don’t need a babysitter!”
“Good thing she doesn’t want to babysit your ass either, now shoo.” You motioned her to hop off the bar and she did so with a long, dramatic sigh. You looked over at Ven who gave you a silent nod, letting you know she’d watch out for the youngest member of your band of misfits. Meanwhile, you grabbed Quackity another drink and walked over to the two men at the table, “Someone order a drink?”
“Aye! Mamacita! Fancy seeing you here.” Quackity purred a bright smile spreading across his face seeing that you were the one to deliver his drink,
“Hey Big Q,” You greeted placing the drink in front of him, “You doing okay?”
“Better now that an angel walked into my sight,” He flirted and you rolled your eyes. “What? It’s true! You always brighten my day you know? Ow!” Schlatt hit his ex-first mate over the head,
“Take a breath lover boy. Thanks for the drink sugar tits.”
“You’re welcome, what were the both of you talking about if I may ask.” You hummed grabbing some of Schlatt’s empty glasses, an uncharacteristic frown came over both their faces. “Oh? Touchy subject?”
“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. Just dishing out some old problems, most of which are better left unsaid.” He aimed that statement at Quackity, his jaw seemed clenched and Quackity’s brow furrowed in annoyance.
“Well I just want to remind the both of you,” You passed the tray of empty glasses over to Addie as she walked by, she took them swiftly. You grabbed the side of both their heads and pressed them against your chest, not that you knew but both men’s flushed to the tips of their ears. “No physical fights are allowed in this tavern. If one starts I won’t hesitate to kick your fucking asses. Got it?” They looked over your chest and locked eyes with one another, after years on the sea they could read one another’s facial expressions rather easily and at that moment they shared the same thought,
‘They should fight more often.’
“I said, got it?”
“Yes ma’am,” The repeated simultaneously as you pulled away,
“That’s what I like to hear-”
“(Y/n)!” Vendetta’s velvety voice called out from behind you, you turned and saw a group of newcomers file into your bar. Your body tensed momentarily,
Pirates.
Schlatt turned his head to follow your gaze and he tensed from behind you, “fuck me.” He growled and Quackity raised an eyebrow at his captain, he turned to look over his shoulder and his face lit up.
“Sapnap!”
The pirate who had a white bandana tied around his forehead glanced over at him and a smile lit up across his features. “Quackity? Is that you?”
“My man!” He stood up from his chair heading over to wrap the man in a hug, “I haven’t seen you in years, man.” You zoned out of their conversation eyes locking with a few of the other pirates who walked into the tavern. Vendetta and Addie both greeted them, but everyone who was under your care knew to keep their guard up around pirates. From what you could gather there seemed to be two crews, a crew of what only seemed to be two, Sapnap was included. The fire demon was still talking with Quackity, while the other man took in the view of the tavern, he had shaggy blonde hair, and had a few scars across his face. A porcelain mask sat on top of his head, a forest green cloak was around his shoulders, his hood was lowered around his neck. A sword was strapped tight against his hip and there was another dagger that seemed to be tucked against his side. His eyes gazed towards you and he winked teasingly with a coy smile, you scoffed looking over at Addie.
“Seat those two gentlemen yeah? Be careful, I’ll tell Ven and Yeti to keep an eye.” Addie looked at you, concern written on her soft features but she nodded. While Addie departed, you noticed Ven talking with the other group. Luvena was hiding behind Vendetta’s long legs, although a tall blonde boy seemed very keen on talking to her. You smoothed out your dress and moved towards the group of three, you eyed them up casually. The blonde looked to be around Luvena’s age, he had a shit-eating grin on his face and his uniform matched that of the second tallest in the group. The second tallest was clad in a light blue jacket with large golden buttons on the red collar. He had a cream-frilled shirt underneath and a black belt holding up his brown slacks, those were tucked into black boots. On his back seemed to be a guitar and was the only one of them not holding a weapon, but you knew better than to assume with pirates. His curly brown hair seemed to bounce every time he talked, he seemed to be the ringleader but there was no doubt that the real ringleader was the hybrid standing beside him. He was taller, on par with Vendetta in height, he had long pink hair that was tied in a ponytail on top of his head. A few pieces framed his face elegantly, there was no doubt he was the captain of the little crew that was in your tavern. He had a white shirt on with a deep low cut ‘V’ it showed off a good portion of his scared chest, around his shoulders sat a deep red jacket but his arms were outside of it and crossed over his chest. He seemed content on letting his second in command do all the talking, his red eyes were the only ones to meet yours. His head tilted upwards and before Vendetta could stop him he walked over towards you,
“You own the tavern?” His voice was a low monotone and it sent an array of pleasant chills up your spine.
“I do,” You raised an eyebrow crossing your arms over your chest, “Names (Y/n). You are?”
“Captain Technoblade of the ship Odyssey, I was hoping you had a few rooms and a table available. My brothers and I are pretty exhausted, we’ve been sailing all night.”
Brothers, they certainly didn’t all look alike, but then again you certainly had a mix of girls in your care. Your tongue swiped against the top row of your teeth, “Why don’t you and your brothers take a seat at the bar for now. Juniper will be happy to serve you, I’ll see if we have some free rooms available.”
“Thank you, once you return I’ll introduce them to you if you’d like,” Technoblade bowed his head before turning back to get his brother’s attention.
“I’d like that thank you.” You gave a nod motioning for Vendetta to follow you as you slid behind the bar with Juniper, Judas had also taken a spot sitting on the bar. You figured you’d let her know as well, considering she was another adult figure in the group. You knew either Juniper or Judas would fill in Addie considering the three were close. “Ven, can they be trusted?”
“Not too sure about the masked man, the one Quackity seems to be familiar with seems decent enough. He’s a fire demon though, could smell him from miles away, we all just need to be cautious.”
“Agreed,” Juniper added tapping her finger on her chin. “We should just try to curb all fighting if at all possible, what did the captain of the other group ask you?”
“They want a room, I’m about to check to see if we have availability. Thoughts on that?”
Judas let out a low hum her eyes followed both sets of pirate groups around the tavern, “I say if we have availability let them stay. They seem harmless so long as we don’t mess with them, which we’d never do.”
“Plus I can always stay awake to keep an eye on them.” Vendetta tapped her nails against the table,
“You sure.”
“As if I’d let anything happen to any of you, you’re my family.”
You all smiled softly, and you noticed Judas’s eyes widen, “Zig! Get that out of your mouth this instant!” She shot up from her spot and over to the person in question. The three of you laughed fondly at the nonsense, meanwhile, Juniper saw the three brothers sit at her bar. She moved away from you to greet them, you immediately could tell she was taken with the second eldest brother.
He seemed to be an absolute lady killer.
Vendetta ruffled your hair before going back to stand at her place by the door to keep the peace. You headed up the stairs to the rafters to check on the extra rooms you had, “Excuse me?” You tensed visibly turning around to face the man in all green. His eyes were mesmerizing, a fierce jade green to contrast his cloak, “Do you happen to have two rooms available?” The man held up two fingers to clarify his request,
“Do you usually start introductions with a blatant request like that?”
He chuckled a smile spreading across his lips, “I’m Dream and you gorgeous?”
“(Y/n), it’s your lucky day I’m about to check and see if any are available. My tavern is a hot commodity tonight.”
“Well, I can see why,” he spoke and you raised an eyebrow and tilted your head to the side.
“Oh?”
“It has the hottest owner around. Word spreads fast.”
You couldn’t believe this man was making your cheeks burn, he chuckled softly taking a step towards your figure. “Oh really, word spreads that fast on the open sea, Captian?” It was his turn to turn light pink, but he covered it up quickly with a chuckle.
“Touché.”
“I’ll get on that room for you and your friend. Take a seat, for now, this part is for guests and staff only you know?”
“So I have you all to myself?” He cheekily mused, he stepped towards you and before you knew it you were pinned against a wall. His hand suddenly brushed against your cheek, it was cold in comparison to your warm cheek. You felt Dream’s thumb brush against your cheek slowly, “You know...being on the open sea alone does something to a person.”
“Oh, I’m sure.” You mused pushing your forehead back against Dream’s, “All alone with only your crew with you.” Taking his other hand within your own you slid it up to your hip, you saw his entire face turn red as he stared down at your chest. “You’re probably missing a little love in your life, aren’t you Dreamy?” He nodded dumbly, his eyes still not leaving your chest,
Perfect. You weren’t going to let some pirate boy get the better of you.
He let out a grunt of pain as you spun him around and pressed his head into the wall with your elbow, your other hand has his pinned behind his back. “This hallway is for staff and guests only,” You purred in his ear before letting him go and swinging your hips before heading up the stairs fully. From behind you, Dream’s face was a deep, dark red and he had to clear his throat. Dream wasn’t going to let you go after that, I mean look at you, tough and able to hold your own, it awakened something inside him.
After checking up on the rooms you headed back down into the main hall, three-room keys in your hand. Glancing over at the scene in front of you, you saw Juniper dancing in the middle of the tavern the flirtatious brother at her side. Judas was sitting beside Schatt and Quackity at the bar, Addie was tending to Technoblade and the blonde at their little table. Dream and Sapnap were whispering to one another in the corner but still seemed to be enjoying the show. Vendetta was smiling softly by the door, beside her were Luvena and Zig both playing various instruments. You noticed Eret was also amongst the crowd, she had a brilliant grin on his face, it was flushed pink with alcohol and you smiled to yourself.
It was peaceful, and for a moment you forget half the patrons were scoundrels or pirates.
That was until the man dancing with Juniper locked eyes with you, his eyes lit up and he spun Juniper off into Addie’s arms. She giggled snuggling into the mother sheep’s arms, you heard a distressed “Juni! I’m holding glasses!” Before your vision was overtaken by the handsome flirt.
“Hello love,” He hummed, “May I offer you a dance?”
You were about to refuse but you saw Yeti, who finally made her appearance as it was getting closer to Judas’s set, giving you a big thumbs up “I’d be honored.” You responded taking his hand within your own, he pulled you out onto the dance floor and you felt his other hand politely hover on the small of your back. He allowed you to lean into his touch as he began to elegantly spin you around the dance floor, you were almost embarrassed to say felt like a princess. “Maybe I could get your name?” You asked above the music, “Since it seems you’re my dance partner this evening?”
“Wilbur Soot my love.” He hummed proudly, “The first mate of the ship Odysseus at your service. Plus I play music on the side.”
“Well now you need to play for us,” Wilbur twirled you around in a circle,
“Maybe one day. If you give me your name?”
“(Y/n) (L/n).”
“Beautiful name for a beautiful woman.”
“I was right.” You commented biting the bottom of your lip trying not to smile,
“About what?”
“You.”
“Ah? Already talking about me I see? Is my manliness and gentlemanly qualities that renowned?”
“Not exactly.” He picked you up slightly and pulled you into a low dip, “I was right in thinking you a nothing but a flirty playboy.” Wilbur almost dropped you, you squawked grabbing onto his neck. He began to laugh as you clung to his chest,
“Alright love. You caught me red-handed.”
Wilbur set you on your feet hands on your lower back, you were pulled close to his chest. “Can I buy you a drink?”
“I get them for free hon. I own the place.”
“Oh...oh.” He paled a little, “I didn’t fuck up our chances of getting a room did I?”
“Nah lucky for you and your brothers, I have you covered, same with your buddies over there.” You motioned to Dream and Quackity’s friend, Wilbur’s face paled as he felt the chilled room key get placed in his palm. “What’s your little brother’s name?”
“Tommy.”
“Tell them both we serve breakfast free from 7 am to 10 am.” He nodded as you walked past, Wilbur meanwhile turned to look at Technoblade. It seemed he had his red eyes on the couple the entire time they were dancing. He held up a room key, it was labeled 205; Technoblade nodded his head before leaning back and talking to Addie once more. “Dream!” You called throwing a hand up into the air, instead of Dream, Sapnap looked up he nudged Dream with his elbow. The man was now wearing his mask, but at least you could tell he was looking at you,
“Well hello, darlin’ you must be (Y/n). Name's Sapnap. Dream told me about you, so you have good news for us I hope?”
“Pleasure, I'm sure he told you all about me,” He nodded, his eyes taking in your body especially your ass. “Got you both a room key, your neighbors. Across from the other crew of pirates. Just don’t fight and we won’t have any problems.”
“You mean those jackasses are staying?” Sapnap complained loudly, looking over your shoulder at the other crew members.
“You both didn’t think you were the only patrons, did you? This is a business after all.” You, tossed the keys their way, Dream caught it with ease and Sapnap fumbled it only a little bit. After they were in their hands, you waved them off with a flutter of your palm you turned around to go speak with Judas about her set but before you could take a step you saw Schlatt stumbling up from his seat. “Ah shit,” You knew what was about to happen, you weren’t paying attention to the ram hybrid so who knew how many drinks in he was. You felt responsible, for a while you and Judas had been trying to help Schlatt with his addiction. You couldn’t help but wonder what exactly set him off for him to get this drunk, Quackity caught him in his arms with a grumble. The man was a drunken mess, and as you approached you could hear his slurred speech and could practically smell the alcohol on his breath. “Schlatt,” You spoke carefully and as soon as you got close Schlatt detached himself from Quackity and lunged at you. His head was buried in his chest, he almost purred like he was very happy to be there, you rolled your eyes and ran your fingers through his hair. You were mindful of his horns but he seemed pretty eager for you to touch them,
“(Y/n).” He whined although it was muffled against your ample chest, “Why do pirates have to fuck everything up?”
“What are you on about Schlatt? No one likes pirates.”
“They’re gonna take you away from me, sugar. You’re my safe space, this tavern is my safe space.” You sighed listening to his drunken ramblings, you grabbed his horns and pulled him away from your chest.
“This is my life Schlatt, I’m not going anywhere trust me. Plus my family is here, they need me. So try not to worry okay?” You slicked back the hair on his forehead before planting a fond kiss there, everyone in the tavern narrowed their eyes at the scene. Even your girls were green with envy, at the sight of their lovely boss kissing someone who wasn’t them. He leaned against your lips eyes fluttering closed,
“Well, well, well if it isn’t Captian Schlatt? Or ex-captain if I remember correctly.”
“What?”
You turned your head and felt Schlatt’s arms wrap around your waist and held you close to his chest. The touch was protective and you felt your heart skip a beat, why was he protecting you, and why did you actually feel protected?
“Has the drinking finally caught up to you? Or was it the fact that you lost your so-”
Was that Dream's voice?
“Shut the fuck up.” He snarled and you were shoved behind him into Quackity’s arms, you felt less protected. “I’m not that person anymore and you fucking know that,” Vendetta came to stand beside the both of you a hand was placed on your shoulder protectively. You knew she was desperately wanted to step in and you held up a hand to stop her.
“This isn’t good…” Quackity murmured, “They’re going to fight. Schlatt’s going to get himself fucking killed.”
“Calm yourself. We won’t let it get that far.” Ven grumbled eyeing you waiting for your signal. But you were lost in the conversation or argument, the two were having, you couldn’t believe Schlatt was a pirate. He was so...he just didn’t...he was a drunk okay? That didn’t exactly shout feared pirate to you!
“Oh, are you sure? I remember that look, that’s the look you’d get before you stomped someone’s lights out. No wonder your son disappeared under mysterious circumstances-” Dream was shoved against one of the poles holding up the building. He grunted and Schlatt’s arm was pulled back ready to punch, but his arm was stopped by smaller hands,
“Pardon me Mr. Schlatt but you know how we feel about fighting in our tavern.” Addie bubbled, she had a smile on her face but it wasn’t kind, it was full of warning.
“Get the fuck off me, sheepie. This doesn’t fucking concern you.” Schlatt shoved her away and as soon as his skin made contact with her body he made a sound of distress.
“(Y/n)...” Addie murmured quietly, your father’s dagger was embedded in Schlatt’s arm,
“Fucking hell you bitch!” He snarled baring his teeth, you glared at him twisting the dagger he yelled in agony.
“Touch one of my girls again and next time this dagger is going right into your back.” You ripped the dagger out, splattering the floor with blood. He grabbed his arm tightly and looked at you with slight betrayal in his yellow eyes. “I mean it Schlatt, Quackity take him home.” The man nodded looking at you longingly, he muttered a quiet ‘Sorry’ before escorting him out of your tavern. “You,” You glared harshly over at Dream, “Go to your room.”
“You’re not my mother.”
“Then find another play to stay.” You spat, he turned away and you looked over at Addie, “Are you alright?” Your voice turned tender as you cupped her cheeks. She nuzzled against your palms and nodded her head,
“I’m fine. You didn’t need to-”
“Yes, I did. No one messes with you. With any of you on my watch.”
The sheep hybrid made a little sound as her bottom lip trembled, she wrapped you in a tight hug which you accepted without hesitance. Judas walked over next and wrapped you both in her arms, pretty soon you were surrounded by your girls and Zig.
All of them had the same mindset: comforting both you and Addie.
It was good to be loved.
Wilbur watched the scene curiously and glanced over at Technoblade who stood up from his chair.
“I think that’s our cue to leave for the night.” He looked over at his first mate, Wilbur nodded in agreement grabbing his guitar from the chair beside Technoblade.
“They...Techno were they talking about Tubbo.” Tommy whispered to his brother, his brow furrowing in concern as they all climbed the steps up to their room, “You don’t think-”
“It just might be Tommy.” Technoblade tilted his head to the side, “Guess that’ll be something we ask him when we get back to the ship tomorrow.”
“Well, this trip is going to be way more fun than I thought.” Wilbur snickered lighting a cigarette, taking a long drag, before letting the smoke curl out of his mouth and up into the rafters. ~~~
Tag List: @v01dw4lk3rz, @jam-bombs, @abovenyx, @glitterydigitalart, @phoenixaesthetic19, @luluwinchester, @boiled-onionrings, @pastelmoonwitche, @roxy3457, @alovestruck-fool, @victory-is-here, @mack4676, @fiorenc, @theoneandonlyyeti, @bloodrose0723, @sandyy-woo,
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monsterlover48 · 3 years
Text
Part 1: The Meeting
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Bodyguard!Orc x Princess!Reader
Summary: Y/N, the princess of Evermore, the beauty of the west. She had many suitors, many men, and women who wanted her by their side. Too bad her eyes were already set the day he came to save her life.
Warnings: PTSD, flashbacks (sorta), medieval fighting
~~~ Princess Y/N was a kind soul. Always tended to her princess duties and went out of her way to give to the lower class. Everyone loved her, and they knew she would be a wonderful queen.
When word got out about the attempted assassination, the people were outraged that someone would dare hurt their beloved princess. Y/N Could still feel the man's glove-clad hand grasp her face to silence her screams every time she closed her eyes, and she didn't know how to get the image out of her head.
The morning breeze soothed her warm skin as she walked outside and into the growing gardens of her castle. The beautiful greens of the grass and plants paired with the myriad of colours that decorated the flowers set the frantic princess' mind at ease. She had one hell of a night, and it took hours for her to get a good night's rest. Her mind was plagued with nightmares of her death and the death of her people. She just wished it wouldn't come true.
Y/N had worn a lilac dress that morning, lace on the sleeves, and a large bow on the back. It was her favorite, and she wanted to wear it to bring up her mood. She didn't want anyone to see the wound on her arm, but the bulk of the bandages showed through her frilly sleeves.
"M'lady. The king requests you." Y/N handmaiden, Cassandra, spoke quietly, breaking the serenity of the garden. The princess's shoulders deflated, and she hung her head low before she smiled at her friend.
"Do you know what about?" She asked, linking her good arm with Cassandra's. The maiden giggled and shook her head playfully.
"Your knight is coming to protect you. They're having a contest to see who could protect you the best." Cassandra grinned. Y/N's cheeks flushed, and she gasped.
"Today? Do I look alright?" The woman began to unnecessarily judge herself, muttering curses of how she should have done her hair better.
"You look fine." Cassandra giggled. They walked down the large corridor and through the guards that stood straighter at the sight of their princess. Y/N nodded and bowed to everyone she passed politely, a smile stuck on her face in her princess facade.
"Daughter, you took long enough." Her father playfully scolded, holding a hand out to help her into the royal chair. They were in the courtyard where entertainers, fighters, or jousters came to do their thing.
As Y/N looked amongst the crowd, she saw many creatures in knight armor. Ranging from tieflings to humans. But one she hadn't seen before, someone massive in size. It was well known that Evermore was more of the accepting kind when it came to other races, but not many creatures of that size came to the lovely kingdom. And they were all fighting for her favor as a personal guard. She felt as though the taller one would win. She couldn't see his face or even his skin to tell what he could be, but she didn't care. The princess didn't necessarily want a personal guard, but if she was to get one, she wanted it to be someone who could truly protect her life.
"Which do you think would win, princess?" A voice asked behind her. Y/N turned to see a man she's never met before. He was handsome; bright blue eyes and dark brown hair with chiseled features, but she wasn't too interested. He smiled at her with an attempt to be charming, but she knew the play.
"The tall one." She replied, pointing towards the looming figure as he practiced by his lonesome.
"Ah yes, that one. He seems pretty strong." He chuckled, and Y/N realized he had an accent that wasn't from Evermore.
"What's your name?" Y/N asked curiously. However, before he could respond, the tournament speaker began his speech about the rules and how the tournament would go.
The trumpets sounded, and two knights stepped up before they began to fight. Swords clashing and metal banging sounded around the courtyard, and Y/N was on the edge of her seat every time a knight fell. She hoped they weren't too injured, but she had to admit, it was interesting to watch them fight.
By the time the last two were up, it was two large men, clad head to toe in thick armor, but Y/N noticed the one she kept her eyes on. The tall one with bulging muscles. She bit her lip as they started, gasping when the clashing of swords and their blasts against armor. But ultimately, she was correct; the tall one was the champion. The crowd cheered loudly as the last man fell, and the tall man roared triumphantly.
The princess stood from her place and straightened out the skirt of her dress. Everyone gasped when the creature took off his helmet, revealing an orc to be the champion. Orcs used to be the villains of Evermore's story, but the war had ended, and they were at peace. However, that doesn't mean many orcs came into Evermore and never came to protect their princess. Y/N looked around at the shocked faces of her people and squared her shoulders before she walked out of the royal seating and to the courtyard where the champion stood.
Everyone watched their princess with wary eyes and shifted in their seats as she approached him. The closer she looked, he was taller than she expected. Thrice her size, and he had a scowl upon his handsome features. His skin was a pale green, and he had large tusks sticking out from his mouth. His mean stare didn't detour the princess as she smiled and bowed politely to the knight.
"It seems you have won. What is your name?" She asked, clasping her hand behind her back. He huffed a piece of stray black hair away from his eyes, the long strands reaching past his shoulders. He bowed to her when she walked closer, propping his arm onto his knee.
"Rhudrak Fang Cracker." He replied. His voice was gruff, as though he had gargled rocks before he spoke.
"Well, Rhudrak Fang Cracker. It is nice to meet you. I will be happy to work with you." The crowd cheered then, the piercing noise almost startling the princess. She turned to look at the crowd before looking back at her knight.
"Yes! This man is my daughter's champion. The one who will protect her with his life. Do you agree?" Her father asked, walking into the courtyard as well. Her father was a very accepting man, and no matter the fact that he witnessed orcs kill many of his people, he would never discriminate against a man who wanted to protect his only daughter.
"I agree," Rhudrak responded. King Gustus nodded, and Y/N smiled at the crowd as the royal family plus the knight and other guards walked back to the castle. Y/N couldn't help but steal glances at the steely man. She found it very interesting that an orc would want to protect her. And he looked so mysterious. She just wandered-
"Y/N, dearest." Her mother scolded. Y/N tore her eyes away from her knight with warm cheeks and turned to her mother.
"Yes, mother?" She asked. Meira shook her head disapprovingly and continued walking.
"Your father was talking to you." She hissed. Y/N bowed her head in embarrassment, and she could've sworn she saw a ghost of a smile on her Rhudrak's face.
"While you were in your fantasy land, I was discussing the rules of your supervisor and how you must act." He told her with a kind and understanding smile. Y/N was very close to her father, and she was glad to have him understand how easy it was for her to get lost in the clouds. Unlike her strict mother.
"What are his rules?"
"No. Your rules." Her father corrected. Y/N gasped and choked on her spit before she looked at the people in front of her.
"What do you mean 'my' rules?" Y/N asked incredulously.
"You are not to leave the sight of Rhudrak. The only time you will be alone is when in your chambers, safe. You will do what he asks of you. If he tells you to run, to hide, or even to walk, you do it. He is there to protect you; let him do his job. No running around the halls in the middle of the nights anymore. People are after you, my dear, and I couldn't stand losing you. It almost happened once, and I will not let it happen again." Her father told her. She wanted to roll her eyes, to pout and say 'not fair.' But she almost died that night. The visions still haunt her in her sleep and even during the day. She knew if she wanted to survive, she must do what her father asks of her.
"Yes, father." She replied solemnly, all traces of humor gone from the conversation.
"Now go make yourselves acquainted while showing him his room. It's the one next to yours." Y/N nodded and looked at her parents awkwardly as they walked away.
"Your room is this way on the third floor," Y/N spoke. She was exhausted from the excitement of the day and had zero social energy, but she knew she had to do it anyways.
"Third floor? How do you even get upstairs with those tiny shoes on?" Rhudrak chuckled. Y/N hid her giggle behind her hand and shook her head as they approached the stairway.
"With difficulty. Try walking around hours a day with a corset on." She scoffed. Rhudrak laughed loudly but quickly quieted down.
"Tell me about the night of your attack." He asked suddenly. Y/N was taken aback by the sudden question as they walked up the many stairs.
"Well... I couldn't sleep. I think that's the only reason I'm alive right now. He wore a black mask with strange symbols on it. He was human-sized. That's all remember." She said. She was lying of course. She could remember so much more. The blue of his eyes and the stench of leather as his hand clamped down onto her mouth. She couldn't breathe when he sat on her. She felt hopeless and the gleam of the moonlight on his blade made her shiver with unease.
"Princess?" Rhudrak asked gently, looking at her with a thoughtful gaze. She snapped out of her wandering thoughts and shook her head with a smile.
"Well, here you are. My chambers are right here. I'll let you get settled in." She said with a bow, walking back to her room. She shut the door gently and allowed herself to break slightly at the memory of her attack, fresh tears slipping down her cheeks.
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Pocket Watch - Levi Ackerman x Reader
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A/N: I forgot to mention this! You are Erwin’s sister in this, but that doesn’t have to mean you are his biological sister! Feel free to interpret this fic in any way that you would like <3
WARNINGS: Angst, swearing, S3 spoilers, ends in fluff
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, they belong to Hajime Isayama
AOT Masterlist - Main Masterlist
Word Count: 1.5K
It was dark outside, and it was pouring rain too. Even through the thick layer of glass that served as a window, you could hear the wind whipping with the storm and smattering the raindrops against the buildings. On the inside, where you were currently, was quite the contrast though. There was not a sound to be heard inside your quarters. The fire that once crackled in the brick laid fireplace had long since burned out and you hadn’t moved from your spot on the couch - your eyes still trained on the charred wood that once harbored a flame. You hadn’t bothered to check the little pocket watch that had been shoved into your pocket earlier that day - you were quite sure that it would tell you it was far past your bedtime, but you just couldn’t bear to see the familiar golden thing.
First it was your father’s, but then he was killed, so it was passed onto your older brother. Erwin. He held it and kept it close to him with pride every day since then, making note to polish it on a regular basis so that its glint always shone strongly. Now it was covered in his blood. It was probably dry now, possibly even caked to the little clasp so that it couldn’t open properly anymore. You couldn’t bring yourself to wash it off. You refused to even touch it. That moment when you saw the new cadet, you think his name was Floch, bring him upon that disheveled roof caused you to go silent. Your movements ceased as you watched your brother take labored breaths… dying. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the young members of the 104th division, Mikasa Ackerman and Eren Yeager, take a sharp inhale as they held their own dying friend. It was clear to anyone, that when the man holding the syringe that would grant life paused, an internal battle started to wage war in his mind. You don’t remember much - it was as if you were in a comatose state. All you know was that Erwin, your now dying big brother, reached into his breast pocket with what strength he had left, and shoved his little watch into your own. After that… a blur.
A quiet knock sounded on that measly wooden door that separated your office and adjoining bedroom from the rest of the building. You remain quiet. If they truly needed something, and were composed enough to talk to the girl who’s older brother just died, then they would come in without asking questions anyways. And that they did. The door creaked a bit and more light filtered into your office space through the opening, but went away just as quickly as it was closed. Footsteps made their way over to you and the person’s shadow was soon cast over you.
“Have you moved at all?” The voice was smooth and sullen. They knew the answer to the question as soon as they asked, you figured, but nonetheless it was spoken. As much as you thought you could answer, no words were able to be formed, much less a simple squeak. You simply opted to shake your head. With a sigh, they sat down next to you.“Have you eaten?” Another shake of the head. “Bathed?” You began to feel that your head would be moving like this forever if they kept asking you these questions. There was a beat of silence that passed through the two of you before they cupped your chin with their hand, rather roughly you might add, and wrenched your head so that it was looking at theirs. As soon as your Y/E/C eyes met his silver irises, you felt your body begin to thaw a little. Levi.
“My pocket,” you murmur, earning a confused expression from him.
“What about your pocket,” he says simply, his voice as gruff as ever. You come to the conclusion that he wasn’t going to bend to your wants, so you shakily reach your hand and grab Erwin’s pocket watch and drop it into Levi’s hands. Much to your surprise, he doesn’t recoil as the blood-caked watch meets his skin. Instead, he looks at it and then back up to you.
“Please take it.” Levi is quick to refuse.
“No. It’s yours, he gave it to you.”
“He would hate for it to be dirty, and we both know that you have a knack for cleanliness,” you quip, no humor present in your eyes. Levi huffs and takes out a little handkerchief and begins to gently rub away the dried blood.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly. You stay still but your eyes go back to the charred log of wood.
“Levi,” you start but he is quick to interrupt.
“Y/N, I’m the one who killed him and now you’re giving me his prized possession. That makes me feel like an asshole.” He says, scowling to himself. As blunt as his words were, you knew he was hurting. Hurting like he was when his old friends were killed.
“You’re an asshole but not for what happened.” You say. “I… I don’t remember what he said.” You feel your eyes begin to well with tears. Why couldn’t you have cracked in private? Why did he have to be here?
“You mean before he…” Levi started, earning a nod from you. He didn’t know what Erwin had said either, letting silence grace the room.
“What happens when I forget?” You confess shakily, finally letting your eyes meet his again. Levi stops his movements and lets the pocket watch rest on the handkerchief, carefully placing it on the low coffee table in front of the two of you. “What happens when I forget what his face looked like, or what his voice used to sound like.” The tears finally broke from their prison and began to rush down your cheeks. Wordlessly, Levi brought you into his arms. Your cries became vocal now as you let everything out. No longer were you just the shell of yourself - no, you were now revealing it all to Levi. Your head fell onto his strong shoulder as your hands grasped onto his shirt, sobbing.
He could hear his heart break. Of course he was absolutely devastated at seeing Erwin, one of his closest confidants and last remaining friends meet his end, but to see you like this was a strike to his soul. You were like sunshine on a rainy day, as cliche as that might sound - always there to brighten his spirits on gruelling days when he was annoyed with everyone else. Now it seemed like you were one of those gray clouds up in the sky, void of the cheer you used to possess. He held you tighter and laid his chin on the top of your head. Levi felt his shoulder begin to grow damp but he didn’t care. Nor did he mind the fact that your dirt and mud stained hands were grabbing onto his pristine and newly laundered white shirt, surely making it dirty once more. Your cries began to die down a bit, now just shaky whimpers escaping your mouth. He presses a soft kiss onto your hair and moves his hands so that they’re cradling you.
“I’m gonna lift you up, ‘kay?” He mumbles. He feels your nods against his chest and stands, walking you over to your bedroom. You’re just sniffling now as he sets you down on your bed and starts to rummage through your clothing drawer, throwing you a new set of sleepwear along with a pair of clean panties. Much to your better judgement and current state of grief, you bark out a laugh. Levi turns around slowly, his eyes narrowed, thinking you’ve gone mad now. You raise your hands up in defense and shake your head, a small smile crossing your face.
“I’m sorry, it’s just… he would be fucking furious if he knew you were touching my panties.” You couldn’t help it now, you were snickering as you grabbed the fresh set of clothes. He gives you a deadpanned look, sighs, and walks out of your room.
“Just change, you brat.” He says, clearly tired. You slowly peel your uniform off of your body and let it pool on the floor. Stepping into the clean clothes slowly, you exhale and slump onto the bed and close your eyes.
“Okay,” you call softly. You see Levi step back in and make his way over to the side of your bed. He looks down at you, an unknown emotion swimming in his eyes.
“When the nightmares start, just knock. Doesn’t matter what time.” He says simply.
“How do you know they’ll start?” You inquire.
“They always do.” He murmurs, closing his eyes for a second. An unspoken agreement becomes solidified between the two of you as you hold his gaze. He gives you a nod before he leans down and gives you a soft kiss to your forehead.
“And what about this?” You ask, motioning between the two of you. Levi’s face remains neutral as he steps away.
“A conversation for another day.” You see his figure walk out of your room and into the office space.
“You keep that safe,” you say, regarding the pocket watch, “and clean.”
“Go to sleep, brat.” Levi calls back.
Just like Levi had predicted the nightmares did come, and didn’t stop for weeks on end. Both you and him had them about Erwin, and both you and him knocked on each other's doors when they came. But, whenever it happened, Levi pulled out the pocket watch so that you and him could listen to the faint ticking, letting you know that he would be with you, always. Although, he might not be as fond to know that you were all wrapped up in the captain’s arms.
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aminiatureworld · 3 years
Text
Stranger
Characters: Kaeya, gn!reader
Word Count: 2,398
Warnings: Angst (happy ending)
Premise: What do you do when the one you love turns into a stranger? Do you go chasing after them? Or do you let despair envelop you? What about when you can no longer trust them, or when they can no longer trust you.
In which Kaeya begins to act distant and strange.
Author’s Note: A little more dialogue heavy than usual for me, but considering I usually write like five lines of dialogue maybe it’s not that much. Still, I like how this one came out! I actually think I managed to make it pretty emotional (though it’s alright at the end I promise). Enjoy!
Kaeya
You weren’t sure when it started. It was so gradual at first, the withdrawing, the loss of trust. So gradual that you weren’t really aware you had lost Kaeya until he was already gone.
The first night that you finally started to become aware of the problem was the night that Kaeya came home, home late and dead drunk. Though you knew that he probably going to be working late, he had told you as much, you certainly had not expected him to come home in this state.
“My love? Oh, let me help you inside,” you exclaimed, slinging an arm over your shoulder.
“I, I can do this myself,” Kaeya’s voice was gruff, cold, unlike the sweet, warm-talking man you’d fallen in love with.
“Please, you’re drunk. Let me get you something.”
“I don’t need you to.”
He’d flung you off somehow, though not without running into a wall. You probably should have helped him after that, insisted that he needed someone to sober him up; but all you could do was just stand there. Kaeya had never been like this before, not even on the rare occasions he managed to make himself drunk. He was emotional, yes, but usually that resulted in sweet, if slightly slurred words, and the inexplicable need to pull you onto his lap, no matter what you were doing at the time. This drunken Kaeya was a stranger to you. You didn’t know what to do.
A part of you hoped that it was a fluke, that he would wake up tomorrow smiling and apologetic and just as before. Yet he was gone before the sun was up, with no word on when he might be coming back. You had stared at his empty spot on the bed for a long time, trying to convince yourself that this was just a dream. You would wake up soon enough, nestled into his embrace, his breath soft and comforting in your ear. This was just a dream, it wouldn’t last.
No matter how much you tried to convince yourself of that though, Kaeya refused to cooperate. He continued to get up early, to come in late. You two almost never worked together, but even when you used the excuse of getting a book out of a library there was no Kaeya in sight. His office was closed, and when you tried the handle you realized it was locked. You knew that could just mean that he was out doing some sort of thing, but still it hurt. Even if you couldn’t truly explain why; it was the small things.
Then it wasn’t the small things anymore, for indeed nothing could be small about the way Kaeya was acting now. If the waking up late and getting up early had torn at you, this was the final straw.
He hadn’t come home, he hadn’t come home, he hadn’t come home. You sat in the living room of your apartment, hands curled around a long cold cup of tea. You didn’t know what to do, what you wanted to do. You wanted to run out into the night, screaming his name; you wanted to leave this apartment, a note on the counter explaining this was too much; you wanted to do so much, but instead you simply sat there, drowning in thoughts. Was he sick of you? Did he hate you? No, surely Kaeya would never do something so stupid if he’d fallen out of love with you. He would tell you, straightforward and gentlemanly. Wouldn’t he? You couldn’t answer that question anymore, the Kaeya you knew and the Kaeya you’d been dealing with for the past week were complete strangers.
You must’ve fallen asleep, for there was sun in your eyes when you opened them, your memory muddled with the odd fragments and colors of unsettled dreams. Looking around your heart sank at the emptiness, the lack of shoes at the doorway, the cloak still missing from the hook in the wall. He was gone. He was gone, and with him went the last hope that there might still be a normal explanation for everything. There surely couldn’t be now.
There would be time to explain your absence at work later. For now you got up, slinging your cloak over your shoulders, for the memory of winter still clung to the new spring air, and your ears still felt a little frosty. Now you barely felt the world around you, as you ran out of the gates of Mondstadt, trying desperately to think of where Kaeya might go.
Luckily for you the Cavalry Captain had a distinct elemental footprint, and whatever the time Kaeya had left to set out on his own it wasn’t too late for you to find him. You didn’t think about what would happen when you finally caught up with him. You didn’t want to. For now all you wanted to know was whether or not he was alright. The fact that he could take care of himself didn’t convince you. Kaeya wasn’t acting normally.
You finally caught up to him in the Whispering Woods, only a little ways away from the ruined temple. Your first thought was that he looked terrible. Your second thought was that he had truly been out last night. Your third thought was that you didn’t want to be here.
“What are you doing?” Kaeya’s voice was gruff, tired.
“What am I doing here? What am I doing here? What are you doing here Kaeya? Why are you out here, roaming around like a madman, while I wait for you all night. All night! Don’t you know how worried I was? How, how upset! And now you act like, what? Like I’m some, unwelcome guest, some nuisance? I can’t stand it, I really truly can’t stand it! If you don’t want to be with me anymore then just tell me. Don’t avoid me, insult me, push me away. I can’t stand it Kaeya, I really… really…”
You were crying now, you couldn’t help yourself. You didn’t want to, it felt humiliating somehow. It wasn’t worth it to cry at this point, not now, not in front of him. But you couldn’t help it, it hurt, it really hurt.
“I, my darling, I’m sorry.”
“What do you mean you’re sorry? You don’t seem sorry.”
“I’m just tired. It’s been a long night. Please, I’m sorry.”
“I…” you weren’t sure what to say. You really weren’t sure what to say.
“I know you’re really upset with me, I understand, I’ve been treating you badly recently. But please, let me explain myself.”
You said nothing, unsure still what to say. Your gaze had long since migrated to the ground. You wanted to know, wanted to hear his explanation. You were angry, yes, you were oh so angry. But more than anything, you just wanted things to go back to normal. You wanted these days to disappear, so you might go back into the sun. But it still hurt, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to hear, wanted to forgive. If only you could turn back time, if only this had never happened.
“Would you like to hear?” Kaeya pressed. You’d have to reply eventually.
“Yes,” you whispered.
“Very well. Would you like to go home first?”
You nodded. Maybe by the time you got back to the city you’d be able to figure out whether you wanted to forgive or not.
You two walked home in silence. You still couldn’t look him in the face, couldn’t bring yourself to gaze at the man you still loved so deeply. The atmosphere in the apartment was equally strained, and as you sat down on the couch you pulled a blanket up to your neck. At least if things got too difficult you could bury your face in that.
“Ready?” Kaeya’s voice was gentle, the Kaeya that you knew from before. You didn’t know what to make of it.
“Yes,” you mumbled, not trusting yourself to say anymore.
“You know how I told you I was adopted by Diluc’s father, that I couldn’t remember where I came from? Well, that’s not true. The truth is I was fleeing, a refugee, my father and I. We were fleeing from Khaenri’ah, the city that rose too high and was thus destroyed by the gods.”
There was bitterness in Kaeya’s voice, you could hear it, even if you weren’t looking at him.
“So my father left me here, all the hopes and ambitions of a fallen people on my shoulder. Master Crepus took me in, treating me as more of a son than I deserved. My dear brother even liked me, in the beginning. Of course then my father, my new father, died. Perhaps he was cursed by the gods, taking in a traitor like myself. Perhaps it was simply bad luck. I’ll never know.
“I didn’t think it would matter at first, where I was from. I thought, as long as I don’t tell anyone all will be well. I can’t be punished for the crime of my birth if they didn’t know I committed it in the first place after all. But I was wrong, I was so wrong,” he barked out a shard of bitter laughter.
“The Abyss is coming back, the mages, the heralds, they’re all planning something. More than that, they’re doing it in the name of my home, my land. They’re carrying on the name of Khaenr’iah by committing every crime possible. At first I thought I had nothing to do with it, but I do. This is my curse, somehow or other it’ll always come back to me. And, being the gallant knight I am, or something like that, I decided it was my job to deal with it.
“I know I probably should’ve told you the reason for my sudden late nights, but I felt like, well, I’d gone too far by now. No one else knows my origin story, not the Acting Grand Master, not the Grand Master. Not Diluc, not my late adopted father. I felt like telling them all would be wrong, like telling you would be wrong. I love you so much. I don’t know if you believe it, but I really do. And I thought, well, I couldn’t do this to you.”
“So instead you hurt me in another way?” You couldn’t help the bitterness in your voice.
“I’m sorry,” Kaeya sighed, voice slightly desperate. “I really am. I can’t blame you if you don’t believe me of course, but it’s the truth. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t want to see the pity in your eyes, I didn’t want to change to you. I thought, if I told you I would always be the pitiful man, your sad, tragic lover. I thought, I thought you’d never see me the same way again. Or maybe you wouldn’t even see me as that. Maybe you’d see me as a fugitive, a sinner, someone from a place destroyed by the divine. Maybe you’d be disgusted by me.”
“You trust me as little as that?” You finally lifted your eyes up from the blanket around you to look at Kaeya. His eye was glistening wetly, his cheeks slightly flushed, his mouth twisted into a sad sort of smile. “You trusted me so little as that Kaeya? Your lover? You can’t truly believe that I would act that way, could you?”
“No! Yes? I don’t know. I just, I kept thinking, maybe, maybe you’d see me for the worthless wretch I am. Or even worse, maybe you’d get involved. Maybe the gods would see fit to punish you, or something. Maybe something would happen to you and it’d be all my fault.”
“That’s pretty superstitious coming from the least pious man I know,” you pointed out. “Kaeya, I don’t know why you’ve been telling yourself all these things, but I promise they’re all lies. Whatever that dark part of your brain has been saying, it’s wrong. I’m not going to treat you differently, I’m not going to hate or pity you, and I’m not going to die. But you know what hurts? Not being trusted. That really, really hurts.”
“I’m sorry,” Kaeya whispered.
You let words fall to the wayside for a moment. For now you wanted to do one thing. Letting the blanket fall onto the couch you crawled over to Kaeya. Wrapping your arms around his neck you leaned in to give him a kiss on the forehead. Tucking his bangs away from his face you gazed into his eye.
“I love you so much Kaeya, really. All of this wouldn’t hurt if I didn’t. I want to forgive you, maybe I already have. I can’t stay mad at you, it hurts too much. But I’ll forgive you on one condition, alright? That you trust in me from now on. That you don’t hurt me out of some sense of distrust. If you want to keep things private, I understand. I just don’t want those things to cause, cause what happened this last week. Alright?”
“Of course.” Kaeya’s answer was immediate.
“Then I forgive you.”
“Really? After I hurt you so badly?”
“It still hurts, you’re right. But I forgive you still.”
Kaeya let out something between a sigh and a laugh. Pulling you fully into his lap he covered your face with soft, fleeting kisses. You let him, relishing the contact, the reconnection of something you’d feared you’d lost forever.
“I’ll always love you. You’re the most beautiful, most precious thing in the world to me,” Kaeya murmured against your skin.
“You are to me too. I love you so much Kaeya, I always will.”
“How about we put all these words to practical use?”
You laughed at the mischievous tone in your lover’s voice, glad to hear the real Kaeya once more. For this was the real Kaeya, you were sure of it. Regardless of what he told himself, regardless of what the world or the gods or whomever thought. This was Kaeya, this was the real Kaeya. And you loved him so very much.
For the first time in days the cloud that had floated above your heart evaporated. And the next day, when you woke up once more enveloped in Kaeya’s warm embrace, you were sure it wouldn’t be returning for a long time.
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aotxfan · 3 years
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Snakes in the Garden (Porco)
Summary: Unnamed female character is a spy sent to Marley by the Scouts. Her mission is to extract information from the Jaw Titan. Rated: M (Suggestive themes but nothing explicit)
Long Post under cut.
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Nestled away in a quiet business district with the lights turned low and the music a soft hum in the night, she almost believed she had entered the wrong place before she had a chance to look around. The bar was not the kind of establishment she was used to back in Paradis. Unlike the bars back in her island with their loud music and slurring strangers, the Eldian bar in Marley was quiet.
A low song was playing from a live band and the people inside were each speaking quietly to their neighbor. A lifetime of secrecy in a country that despised the blood in their veins had taught each Eldian to be as meek as a dormouse. The Eldians at the bar were painfully aware of the guards stationed nearby and desperately sought to fly under the radar to escape notice.
Her frame lingered by the bar a second longer as her eyes scanned every which way.
This late in the evening, with the moon peeking behind the clouds, there were very few souls around. Most Eldians had retreated inside their homes by now leaving the bar mostly empty. Asides from a few stragglers still trying to squeeze out some last few moments from the night, the place was quiet.
Sliding into a stool at the bar, she bit the inside of her cheek.
Zeke had told her he would be here. According to the Eldian defector, Porco Galliard frequented the place more often than not. Zeke was convinced she would find him here nursing a pint of something at the bar with his head down and his walls firmly up.
Thus far, she couldn’t find him anywhere. She had memorized his photograph before leaving Paradis, had studied him and the other Warriors fervently before making the long voyage, but had, had little luck finding any of them.
The Mid-East War had just ended and most soldiers had returned. Zeke had told her Galliard had returned along with the other Warriors, but she had, had no luck finding him. He hadn’t dropped by his family home yet and his favorite haunts were devoid of his presence.
This bar was the last place she could think of scoping out before giving up. Hopefully he’d show up here and end her one way game of cat and mouse.
Motioning for a bartender, she drummed her nails against the wooden countertop. Being this exposed in Marley made her nervous. The hairs at the back of her neck were almost standing up as she bristled with every stare.
Since she had come to Marley on a spying mission from Paradis, she had been utterly careful on who she talked to and where she went. She never lingered in one area of Liberio for too long and was always sure to keep her head down whenever the Marleyan soldiers walked past.
Being at a bar in plain view and not tucked away in some alleyway was a change she wasn’t sure she liked.
Still, she was growing desperate.
Her orders back in Paradis had been very clear. She was to find the Warriors and approach them. The intel they offered could be valuable and a chance to learn more about their abilities could easily sway things in Paradis’ favor.
The bartender startled her out of her reverie when he appeared and asked for her order. She had no idea what names they used for alcohol here and hesitated as she tried to think of something.
Thankfully, she was spared a chance to answer.
A lone figure slid into the stool next to her and asked for a cocktail she had never heard of in a bored tone. The bartender accepted his order, and she asked for the same in response.
As he left to prepare their drinks, she eyed the stranger next to her.
The young man was tall with blonde hair and an aloof expression on his face. He slumped against his chair as if tired and yawned into his hand. When he moved his arm, she caught sight of a red armband against his black jacket.
Her breath hitched just slightly and she was glad he was facing away from her and paid her little mind.
She had studied each Warrior’s photograph and knew exactly who he was. Porco Galliard. Her target.
Well, I’ll be damned.
She quietly took stock of him as he waited for his drink. He had yet to notice her presence and was preoccupied with picking a piece of lint off his pants. He seemed to have no weapons on him and made no indication of being with a partner or friend for the night. That was good. If he was alone, she would only have to worry about chatting him up and not an acquaintance.
When the bartender returned with their drinks, she saw her opening.
Reaching for hers, she let her hand move just slightly. ‘Accidentally’ knocking into his glass, she jerked her hand to the side and sent it tumbling off the bar counter. His drink splashed all over his pants and sent ice cubes rolling down onto the floor.
He jerked up with a curse, and she jumped up too with napkins in hand.
“Oh! I’m so sorry!” She offered him a napkin and widened her eyes just slightly to seem nervous.
“-uck, that’s cold!” He tore the napkins out of her grip and scrubbed them against the front of his pants. Whatever drink had been in the glass had stained the white fabric, and the napkin only made things worse.
Irritated, he jerked his head towards her and she was met with his cold gaze.
“Nice going!” He growled out the words and bit back whatever other insult was forming on his mouth when he saw her shrink back.
She bowed her head and made sure to let him see how her hands shook when she extended another napkin his way.
“I’m so, so sorry sir! I didn’t mean to,” she offered another apology.
Sending a pointed look at his red armband, she made herself shrink in. Stepping into the role of her character, she led the charade fall into place all around her.
In this moment, she was a quiet Eldian girl who was terrified of being reprimanded. Having just spilled her drink on the lap of an Honorary Marleyan, she could only imagine the fall out. Her eyes were wide with fright and her hands shook as more apologies spilled out of her lips.
When his eyes softened at the display, she hid her smirk. It seemed the acting classes she had taken as a child in Paradis had served a purpose after all.
He accepted her apology and waved her away when she offered to give him her drink.
“Ok, I get it. It was an accident,” he sat back down and threw the used napkins away in a nearby bin, “Did you get any on you?”
His voice was still rough when he spoke to her, but her earlier display had gotten through to him. His eyes were no longer cold and she could tell she was chipping away at his walls. If she played her cards right, she could knock them right down the way the Colossal had knocked down Wall Maria in her childhood.
“I’m fine,” she offered him her drink again, “Here. An amend. I really didn’t mean to.”
Setting the glass in front of him, she didn’t give him a chance to reject her again.
Galliard opened his mouth to disagree then shrugged and accepted the piece offering.
“I haven’t seen you before,” he eyed, “Is this your first time here?”
She bit her lip the way she had seen other girls do when they were timid.
“It is, I usually don’t drink.”
He drained his glass in one gulp and motioned for the bartender to give him a refill. Without asking, he also purchased a new glass for her. She accepted him with a thank you.
“What made you come here of all places? This isn’t exactly a place where I would expect someone like you,” Porco asked. He motioned towards the bar to highlight his point.
By now, the live band had stopped playing and started packing their instruments. The last few stragglers were older men with white armbands on their coats looking for some last few moments of peace before returning home to their families.
Zeke had mentioned this bar was mainly for soldiers and men who needed a quiet place to wind down after a long deployment. It really wasn’t the kind of place a young girl like her would frequent.
“I wanted to try this place out. My dad spent a lot of time here before he-”
She cut herself off then and bit her lip again. The silence grew as she hesitated and he seemed to understand the hidden meaning. Her fingers tightened on her glass.
“The Mid-East War?” He eyed her out of the corner of his eye.
She nodded. “Yeah, we got the letter last month.”
His jaw tightened and he set his second empty glass down on the counter top. “Shit. Sorry.”
A gruff sympathy but still a sympathy. She looked away to hide the satisfaction burning in her eyes.
In preparation for the voyage, Zeke and Yelena had offered plenty about Marley and the Warriors. They had each taken the time to teach her about how to act and what to say to cruise under the radar.
It was Zeke who had stressed how to behave with the Warriors to her. He had spoken about each person at length and given her firm instructions as to how to proceed. She could almost hear his voice inside her head now repeating one of his many lessons.
“Galliard is a tough one, but he’s not impossible. He’s prickly like a cactus-huh, guess you don’t know what that is but whatever-it just means he has a harsh exterior. He’s going to be closed off when you meet and will probably not let you in easily if you just approach him. He’s naturally selective with who he surrounds himself with and suspicion comes to him second nature. If you flirt with him or try to get too close right off the bat, he’ll back off from you and assume you’re just another Eldian desperate to marry into Marleyan citizenship. Instead, you have to use his weaknesses against him. He’s still mourning the loss of Marcel. The wound is fresh, and he’ll be more likely to sympathize with someone who he thinks lost family to war too...”
So far, it seemed he had been right.
She let her shoulders droop and thought about her own father. Her real father was buried somewhere under the rubble of Shinganshina. He had died years ago when the Colossal had knocked down the wall and led all the Titans in. She had seen him and her mother get swallowed before running away.
Sorrow filled her and she clenched her teeth together. Beneath the pain there was anger. She let the rage steel her in her mission and reminded herself of why she was doing this.
Marley had destroyed her home and killed her family. She promised she would do the same to it. If Porco was her way to fight back, then she would play him like a song and wield him like a knife.
“Did you return from your deployment?”
She allowed herself to ask him a question. He had been swirling the last few drops of his liquor around in his glass and the ice made a melody as it thumped against the sides.
He shrugged and leaned back in his chair. “Came back some time ago. I was stationed in Fort Slava.”
She let some surprise register on her face although she had known that already. She knew a lot of things about him.
“Then you helped in the victory. I should be the one buying you drinks,” she offered him a soft smile.
Under the dim light, she thought she saw the faintest hint of color on his cheeks.
Unsure if it was her or the alcohol, she slid her second untouched glass his way. When he raised an eyebrow, she offered him a light smile.
“I’m not one for alcohol. Take it.”
He accepted the glass and took a long sip. She hoped the alcohol would make him buzzed. Maybe some liquid courage would help her loosen his lips.
The Jaw Titan had to have some intel she could gather. Compared to the others, his rank was lower since he was still brand new in inheriting his abilities, but he could be useful. Maybe she could use him as an in. Growing close to him might just let her have access to the Cart Titan and the others.
“You’re not going to ask?” His eyes met hers over the rim of his glass.
“Ask?” She tilted her head to the side inquisitively. Yelena had told her the action made her seem more innocent and less deceitful.
It worked. Some of the remaining tension in his shoulders receded and he wiped at his mouth with his sleeve.
“About the battle. All everyone wants to ask about is how the battle played out and what happened. I’m like a personal history book to these people.”
His tone was dry and he glared at the far wall. She stared at her hands.
”Galliard is bitter about Marley and the war efforts. He’s not obedient like other soldiers and will complain and bad mouth the efforts when he thinks no one will hear him. Don’t let that shock you. Just let him vent and make yourself a sympathetic ear, but don’t add anything to the fire. He’s likely to grow even more suspicious if he finds an ally in you so quickly.”
Zeke’s counsel replayed in her mind and she let the silence linger just a second longer than necessary. Feigning a wince, she tapped her knuckles nervously against the counter.
“To be honest, I’m sick of hearing about the war. All of the soldiers that fought with my dad keep writing about the battles he fought in and how brave he was. I could do with a different topic.”
He glanced at her and some of the ire melted away out of his gaze. He grunted under his breath something that sounded like a “good” and shook his head.
“I just realized I never got your name,” he eyed her.
The fake name Yelena had come up for her spilled past her lips easily. It was a common Eldian name that wasn’t likely to raise any suspicions. He accepted it without much thought.
“Porco,” he mumbled in turn.
The last few customers at the bar made their way out the door. She glanced out the window and realized it was almost pitch black. One glance at the bartender, and she realized he was just waiting on them to close up.
“I should probably get going, I start my job tomorrow.”
Porco stood up too and threw some Marleyan bills at the counter. She noticed he had paid for her too.
“You don’t have to-”
“I drank them, you didn’t touch them,” he shoved his hands into his pockets and waited.
She realized he was waiting for her to lead the way, and she finished buttoning up her coat.
“I’ll walk you home, yeah? Liberio isn’t exactly safe for a girl all alone at night,” He didn’t wait for her this time and left out the door in front of her.
She was glad his back was turned. It meant he missed the small smirk that played on her lips.
- - -
Despite the alcohol he had consumed, his steps were measured and easy. She apologized to him for being such a bother and making him walk so far.
He shrugged his shoulders and cut her off.
“I’m headed this way anyway,” he looked away.
He was definitely not headed that way. His family home was a good fifteen minute walk from where they were, but she didn’t say anything. Perhaps it was the liquor on his breath, but the tips of his ears had reddened just slightly.
Some confidence filled her and she ‘accidentally’ bumped their hands together. Withdrawing them with an apology, she caught the way his breath hitched.
Yelena had told her she was beautiful, and that she could use that to suit her mission. Galliard was a man same like any other. He had his weaknesses and a pretty face would help her.
The streets were dark which made her next move easy.
Pretending to trip on an uneven piece of the sidewalk, she let herself collide with his back. He managed to catch her before she could fall face first and his arm wrapped around her waist in surprise. She felt more than saw the way his face burned at the realization that she was now in his grasp.
Feigning embarrassment, she pressed her hand to her mouth and widened her eyes. “I’m so sorry! First I spill my drink and then I almost knock you over!”
She looked away and made her eyes water on command the way she had been taught in acting classes all those years ago. It was her experience that men tended to melt when they saw a woman prepared to cry. Some tears and a quiet sniffle got them to lower their guard down every time.
Porco was no different.
He shook his head and looked away. “It’s okay, you’re fine. Did you hurt your ankle?”
He seemed concerned as he traced his hand down her leg. It was an excuse to touch her, and she was grateful he hadn’t seen the way her eyes lit up in success.
She had him. Hook, line, and sinker.
Still, she couldn’t rush her hand. Zeke had warned her about seeming too eager to get close to the Warriors. They were a close, private bunch and wouldn’t let an outsider in too easily. She had to play her cards close to the chest.
She thanked him for his concern and placed her hand over his. His skin was hot to the touch and his arm tensed in surprise at the contact. He wasn’t used to being touched, yet he didn’t move his arm.
“My house is over there,” she pointed to a random neighborhood, “You can just leave me here. I don’t want you to have to walk all this way.”
He seemed like he didn’t want to leave, and she was smug. She really did have him in her web. Just a little more and he would fall in head first.
“Are you sure?”
He seemed like he wanted her to ask him to stay. Perhaps he was hoping to score her for the night. Maybe he had some pent up stress and figured a pretty girl was a nice way to relax.
But that wasn’t her mission. Her mission was much deeper than just a quick night.
She released his hand and moved away from him letting some formality fall between them. Her smile was polite as she shook her head and waved him off.
“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry,” she turned away.
She feigned taking a step away from him before stopping. Moving fast, she leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek. It was a coy move she had learned worked well on men. It was innocent enough to be dismissed as a platitude, but the way her lips lingered on his skin just slightly could be easily interpreted as interest.
He made a sound at the back of his throat and burned bright red. She moved her head away and offered him a quiet thank you for walking all this way.
As she turned away from him, he called her name.
“Wait. Can I see you again?”
He sounded awestruck and she was glad she had managed to trick him into drinking all that alcohol. His walls had lowered enough for her to sneak her way in like a Trojan Horse.
Lowering her head in a meek and shy way, she gave a polite smile. “Maybe.”
Then, purposefully leaving him wanting, she walked away.
- - -
After that first introduction, it was easy to continue playing him. Working her magic, she played him like an instrument.
The next day after that she arrived at the hospital to check on the returning soldiers. Zeke had forged some paperwork and gotten her a job as a civilian nurse. She assumed it was easy for him to do so since his grandfather had once been a doctor.
She had arrived to her first shift the next day-
Coincidentally when the Warriors were due for their checkup. Porco had frozen in shock at the door when he had walked in and seen her. He had hesitated and asked her what she was doing before she had feigned her own surprise and told her she was a nurse.
The entire time she worked alongside the doctor performing his physical, she had been aware of the looks he threw her. It seemed her little kiss last night was still on his mind. His cheeks were almost a permanent red, and the doctor had to ask him if he had a fever which only made them further redden.
After the check up, he had followed her out into the hallway and asked her to wait for him. He had struck up a conversation and a persona had slipped into place. Now he seemed much more confident than before, and he boldly asked her to get a coffee with him.
She turned him down.
The look on his face was priceless when she expressed her regret that it was unprofessional. After all, she was a nurse and he was a patient. She could get in trouble and lose the job she had just started.
Her rejection was a clever ploy. Just as Yelena had said, some men liked the challenge. He was one of them.
After her rejection, he further fell in to her trap. He continued to seek her out and ask her again and again. He always found some excuse to go to the hospital. He would walk in for the smallest of accidents, a cut he sustained during training or an ankle he swore was swollen despite being able to walk just fine. The doctors and other nurses seemed exasperated when they reminded him that he was a Titan and could heal on his own, but she always made sure to show up for every one of his visits rewarding his efforts.
Finally, when she was confident she had made him wait enough, she accepted his offer.
“One coffee, just one, and you don’t tell my boss, yeah?” She tried to hide her embarrassed smile behind her medical charts.
Triumphant he grinned. “Sure, just one.”
- - -
It wasn’t just one. They both knew it although each of them had their own reasons for thinking there would be more than one date.
One coffee turned into two which then gave way to three until they made it a regular habit to meet at the coffee shop after her shift. She was a pleasant person on their dates and they clicked well. Pretty soon, he was falling fast and she could tell.
It was like magic the way they clicked. They had the same tastes, the same hobbies, the same feeling about the war and Marley. They fit together like a puzzle and clicked so well that she could tell he was falling hard with every date.
Of course, none of it was luck. She knew him like the back of her hand. Zeke had made sure that she knew everything there was to know about him before she had left Paradis. She had studied him as if he were material for a major exam and had memorized everything.
She was his dream girl thanks to repeated efforts to mold herself to his tastes.
Finally, after maybe a month of dates, he bit the bullet. Blushing and showing up to one date with a bouquet of flowers she was certain Pieck had chosen for him, he asked her to be his girlfriend.
Making her eyes water on command, she had thrown her arms around his neck in reply and that was that.
- - -
Once she had managed to reel him in, she scored big.
Having a Warrior at her side was just the thing she needed to collect intel on Marley. Porco trusted her implicitly and thought nothing about telling her about his job. He made offhanded comments about some of the things he did for the military and thought nothing of the questions she asked. In his mind, she was just his loving girlfriend eager to learn more about his day.
She catalogued everything he said and kept a journal of information tucked underneath her bed. When he would leave after a long day together, she’d scribble down new secrets gained and walk towards the rendezvous location.
There, she would bump into a mysterious man on accident and slip the piece of paper from the notebook into his jacket as she apologized. The man, Jean, would pretend not to recognize her as he accepted the intel and would move aside.
Then, she would go about her day as if nothing had happened and be back at her home when Porco had returned from a long day of military training.
Exhausted, he would spill more secrets into her ear and ignore the way she always seemed a little too eager for him to share. Confident in his trust of her, his guard was down and he never put two and two together.
It was a shame really, his trust would only prove his undoing.
- - -
She hit the major jackpot when he forgot his lunch for the day. He had spent the night over and had woken up late. Forgetting to grab something to take with him, he had dashed out the door and left for his military training before she could remind him.
She had waited for him to return for something yet was relieved when she realized he hadn’t remembered. That gave her the perfect opening.
Preparing his favorite dish, the one Yelena had made Niccolo teach her over and over again back in Paradis to make sure she got the flavor just right, she had made her way to the military headquarters.
As a nurse, none of the stationed soldiers gave her a second glance as she walked inside the compound. When she asked to enter the wing where the Warriors trained, the men seemed more hesitant however. Still, a soft smile and some batted eyelashes worked their charm.
It is the weakness of men to consider women weak. They underestimated her ability and let her in easily. Her charm had managed to lower their guards.
They pointed her towards the area where the Warriors trained and let her freely walk there.
Zeke met her at the door. Sweat covered his brow as he panted from the workout he had just finished. He walked right past her as if he didn’t knew her and she pretended not to know him too.
To an outsider, it would have looked just like two complete strangers walking past each other to different destinations. A coincidental meet with nothing out of the ordinary.
However, the outsider would have missed the way Zeke’s hand had pointed to the left behind his back. Without glancing back, he had indicated where she could find Porco to help her in her quest.
She followed his directions down a corridor to the left and was rewarded with Porco.
His back to her, he was talking to some kids with yellow armbands. Warrior candidates.
She recognized them from the files she had memorized in Paradis.
Colt and Falco Grice.
At the sight of her, the eldest, Colt, frowned. “Nurse?”
He tilted his head wondering who had gotten injured and Porco turned. Surprise registered in his gaze for half a second before he extended a hand towards her. Affection replaced the shock and he nodded at her.
“What are you doing here?” He took the offered lunch from her hands, and she saw that he looked like he had been sweating. His face was flushed and he was wearing what looked like a combat uniform. It seemed like they had just wrapped up practice because the two candidates behind him were just as tired.
“You forgot your lunch, so I figured I’d bring you one,” she looked past Porco to the two boys still staring dumbfounded, “There’s plenty for you too, guys. I know how hard you all are working.”
The eldest one stumbled out a thank you as his cheeks flush. His younger brother thanked her with a charming smile.
Porco opened the bag and saw his favorite. His eyes lit up, but he cleared the emotion from his expression when he realized he was still in public. He handed the two boys their share of what was in a clear container then motioned for her to follow him alone down another corridor.
The room he led her to seemed like a break room. There were water bottles set up for the candidates and some tables. He plopped down and motioned for her to join him.
“How’d you know this was my favorite?” He popped a piece of the food in his mouth.
She smiled.
“Lucky guess.”
She was grateful Yelena had made her repeat the recipe until she could do it with her eyes closed. It seemed she had nailed the taste and Porco’s guard had fallen. He’d been letting her in more and more. If she had to guess, he’d become putty in her hands.
“You look tired,” she brushed some of his hair that had gotten stuck to his forehead, “No rest for the wicked? I thought they’d let you all take a break after the war.”
He hummed irritated.
“Nope. The candidates are back to competing. Colt, the oldest kid back there, has his spot set for the Beast Titan, but the other Titans are up in the air. I think Gabi Braun might become the Armored if she keeps it up.”
Gabi Braun.
She let the name flit around her head until she attached information to it. Zeke had mentioned that Reiner might be passing on his titan to his cousin.
Her lips pressed together. She was never close with Reiner back when he and the others were in Paradis. She was friends with Jean and Sasha, but the rest of their friends never truly became hers. That’s why Zeke had selected her for the mission. She was someone the others trusted, but not someone that would be recognized by Reiner the moment he laid eyes on her.
Still, none of this is the information she needed. She tried to think of another way to ask Porco for more intel. There had to be something he knew that Zeke didn’t. Something that can give some insight into what Marley had planned-
The door opened behind them. For a moment, she stilled panicked that it’s Reiner. Her hair color has been changed and cut and her eyes are a different color through the help of contact lenses, but she wasn’t sure the disguise would hold up. He might just recognize her at a glance-
“Pieck?” Porco raised an eyebrow at the new person.
A young woman supporting herself on a crutch hobbled inside the room. She offered Porco a smile of greeting then her eyes settled on her.
Pieck Finger, she realized. She knew a lot about her too. Zeke’s words replayed in her mind.
“Pieck Finger. She’s the current holder of the Cart Titan. Be careful with her. She seems friendly and polite when you meet her, but she’s clever and quick on her feet. She’ll smile at you in greeting all while suspecting you. Don’t be too over excited to be her friend. Just let her naturally come to trust you.”
Pieck’s eyes lit up and the smile that graced her face is rehearsed. Even as the girl grinned and joined them, she could sense that she was being picked apart. Clever as she was, Pieck had already started suspecting her.
“Is this the girl you’ve been going on about?” Pieck called her name and extended her hand.
She introduced herself and gave Pieck a polite smile. She hoped she seemed shy and awestruck. After all, it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for a regular Eldian to be nervous when meeting a Warrior.
Porco ate the last of the food and introduced the two of them. He explained a little bit about how they met and Pieck paid rapt attention. A little too much attention.
She tried not to appear nervous as she felt her gaze. Hopefully she would be able to throw Pieck off her trail. Zeke had offered to help out if she gave the word.
“It’s nice to meet you,” she offered Pieck a warm smile.
Pieck returned it and leaned against her crutch. She seemed exhausted, more so than the others, and she recalled what Zeke and Yelena had informed her. Pieck’s titan moved on four feet. Because she was so used to spending months on end in titan form, returning to walking on two feet was always taxing.
Remembering that her cover was a nurse, she stood. “Are you in pain? I can get some ice.”
Pieck waved her away and eased herself into a chair. Her leg stretched out and she rubbed at her knee. “Getting used to walking on two legs, that’s all. If I had it my way, I’d just crawl everywhere.”
“She would,” Porco scoffed, “She scared the shit out of me the other day. I caught her crawling across the floor. For a second I thought she was an overgrown bug.”
“Ha, ha.”
Pieck turned away from Porco with a roll of her eyes and trained her gaze on her. The little spark of suspicion was there again. Zeke wasn’t kidding when he had said she was clever.
“I didn’t know you were a nurse. You look a little young to have completed the training already.”
The question was innocent and her voice casual. Still, she noted the inquiring tone there.
Porco isn’t someone who let others in easily. If he had suddenly brought in a girl into his life and let her in to the military headquarters, it’d be bound to raise some eyebrows. Pieck seemed suspicious although she wasn’t sure if it was because the girl was naturally slow to trust or if maybe her cover had already been found out.
“My mother was a nurse,” she answered finally, “She taught me some things. I managed to pass my certification with her help a year ago.”
“Was?” Pieck tilted her head and her gaze was now sympathetic.
She’d read Pieck’s file. Pieck had a sick father who she was supporting through the Warrior program. She was partial to those who knew what that was like to lose a parent.
She lowered her gaze to the table and feigned some sadness. “Was. She passed last year. An illness. The doctors refused to treat an Eldian.”
Quiet.
Porco bit his lip and anger burned in his gaze. Pieck had been reminded of her own father and the suspicion that had previously lurked disappeared replaced by empathy.
“I’m so sorry. I know what that feels like,” she closed her eyes, “My dad is ill too. I became a Warrior to help him.”
She nodded her head and pretended to brush away a tear. There came more quiet where no one knew what to say.
Suddenly, from outside, they heard two voices. The first she recognized as Zeke. The next made her tense.
That voice. It had been years, but she could recognize it anywhere. Reiner.
Nervousness clawed at the pit of her stomach. Her disguise was good, but it woud not have held up on closer examination. Reiner may not have been all that close with her all those years ago, but he would have been able to recognize her.
Porco glanced at the clock and groaned. “Looks like we have to get back to training. Do you want me to walk you back to the hospital?”
She shook her head just as Pieck stood up. “No, it’s fine.”
The voices grew closer. She could imagine Zeke trying to lead Reiner away, surely Colt and Falco had told them that the three of them were in there. However, she wasn’t sure she’d be out in time.
An idea sparked in her and she turned to Pieck.
“Sorry, Pieck, is there a bathroom nearby?”
Pieck glanced at her. “Sure, I’ll take you.”
She waved goodbye to Porco and followed Pieck as she limped down the hallway. They passed by a smaller set of rooms where she could see the back of Reiner’s head.
A sigh of relief left her when she realized she hadn’t been spotted by them. Pieck nodded to a door at the end of the corridor and offered her a friendly smile.
“There you go.”
She waved her hand and went back to where the other Warriors were. That time, her movements had been genuine. Whatever suspicion she had, had earlier had been erased. It seemed the little lie about her mother had earned her enough sympathy points to overcome whatever alarm bells had been ringing in her mind.
For some reason, a prickle of guilt had filled her as she bypassed the bathroom and left out a side door.
- - -
Some few days later, Porco had been in bed next to her. His hand had run through his hair and he’d tried to fight off sleep. He had been exhausted, they both were, and he slumped against her frame.
“Staying here again?” She lifted the blanket higher on his torso.
He glanced out the window and saw the dark outside. “Too dark to walk. That’s okay, right?”
She gave him a kiss in response and he smirked into it. He almost looked like he could go for another round, but ultimately his exhaustion won out. Reaching over, he flicked the lamp off and darkness filled the room.
“Goodnight,” she told him. She heard him whisper it back although his voice was muffled through the blanket.
The good thing about exhausting Porco was that he went out like a light afterwords. He fell asleep easily once he’d been tired out and became dead to the world.
She only had to wait a few minutes until his soft snores had filled the room.
She counted to 100 in her mind then stood up. While the information he had relayed to her had still been fresh in her mind, she scribbled it down on her journal. Then, she glanced back to verify that he was still asleep before slipping out into the night.
- - -
Jean waited for her at the usual place. His form overlooked the pier, and he accepted the journal page from her. He he slipped it into his pocket as she leaned over the rail.
“You’re doing okay, right? No one has suspected a thing?” He examined her out of the corner of his eye.
She ran a hand through her disheveled hair and hoped the love bites Porco left on her neck weren’t too obvious. A part of her always filled with guilt whenever she saw them in the morning although she was never sure why.
If he could tell what she had been up to, he did her the favor of not mentioning it.
“He’s not giving me anything really. He knows what Zeke knows and that’s it. Marley isn’t dividing up intel between the Warriors. They’re all briefed on the same thing,” she sighed.
Jean huffed and shoved his hands in his pocket. “You’re telling me. I’m not getting anywhere either. I can’t find the little suicidal maniac anywhere, and I’m sick of following random soldiers around. Maybe there isn’t much intel to be gained here.”
They grew quiet, and she bit her lip. Frustration gnawed at her coupled with something else. It pricked her and filled her with a sense of exhaustion.
It had been weeks and she’d gotten nowhere. Porco had completely fallen for her, he spent every waking moment with her, and Pieck teased him about how much he mentioned her in conversation. However, she hadn’t getting anything out of it. He hadn’t known anything more than what Paradis already knew, and she hadn’t been close enough to Pieck to question her.
It almost felt like all the scheming and lying was for nothing. The thought made her stomach turn.
There’s been a change in her, she knew. She’d been more hesitant to lie. When Porco asked about her mother, wanting to know about how a sick nurse could have been rejected by a doctor, she had felt the lie weigh on her. A mad thought had filled her, and she had almost broken down crying. For some reason, using him just didn’t feel like some exciting secret anymore.
Luckily, he thought her tears were a result of grief for her fictional mother and dropped the matter. Still, that had been close. For a second she had worried she would break character.
“I’m tired, Jean,” she closed her eyes, “Should I just go back to Paradis? It doesn’t feel like it’s worth it.”
Jean examined her and his jaw clenched. “What’s not worth it?”
Being away from home, having to watch every word she said in case she accidentally blew her cover, lying to Porco.
“I just want to go home. Don’t you get homesick?”
Jean sighed and closed his eyes. “I get what you mean. Hang in there, though. You’re doing great so far. You may not have a lot of top secrets to report, but Hange says your information has been really beneficial. They know how many fleets are in the military and where they’re kept. Galliard may not have Zeke’s top secret clearance, but he knows enough. Hopefully he’ll unlock Marcel’s memories soon and give us more.”
She bit her cheek. Porco had only unlocked Ymir’s memories so far, and those hadn’t been useful. He learned some things about Paradis and it’s military, but it wasn’t anything that put them at a disadvantage.
Thankfully, she had never been close to Ymir, so Porco never recognized her from the memories. Her identity remained a secret.
She glanced at the skyline. The stars had been bright and she realized she’d been out too long.
“Gotta go,” she shoved her hands in her pockets, “Before Pock wakes up.”
Jean froze and turns to look at her. “Pock?”
She stopped too. The nickname had just fallen out of her mouth. She could only imagine it was Pieck rubbing off on her.
“Must’ve slipped,” she rubbed her lip.
“Don’t,” Jean’s gaze was a warning in itself, “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
She knew the answer. It was written plainly on his face. His arms crossed and his jaw tightened. She felt like she was being scolded.
“Don’t get too close. You’re a spy not a lover. Don’t forget your place. Once this whole place gets attacked, he’ll try to kill you. If you get too close, you just might hesitate on defending yourself.”
- - -
She realized too late that she should have listened to Jean. After that night, her cover became harder and harder to keep. It seemed like every time she had to lie, the words got caught in her throat. Maintaining her cover became more difficult.
A few days after that conversation, she made her first mistake.
Or, as Zeke would call it, strike one.
It had been nighttime and sleep wouldn’t grace her. She’d stared up at the ceiling running over every interaction between her and the others. Her teeth had clamped on her bottom lip as she realized that she’d let them get too close.
By then, she’d befriended some of the Warrior Candidates. The kids were adorable when they teased Porco about his girlfriend, and she had found herself wanting to make them some sweets as she had watched them train. The idea hadn’t come out of a desire to get intel. It had just sprung up suddenly without cause or motivation.
The thought that maybe she was in too deep filled her with fear. Jean was right to scold her. She felt herself getting too close to the abyss.
Now she wasn’t quite sure if Porco had fallen into her web, or if she’d been caught in his.
Still, she had no time to dwell on it. Suddenly, Porco had jerked up next to her. A harsh gasp left his throat and he clutched at it. Panic rolled off him in waves and he swung himself out of bed.
A nightmare. He’d get those a lot. He often woke up screaming and bathed in sweat.
He bent over the bed as he caught his breath. She flicked the lamp on and called his name.
Wearily, he recovered. His breathing was harsh and some sweat ran down his forehead, but he ambled back into bed. He’d left a water glass for himself on the nightstand and downed it in one gulp.
“A nightmare?”
She ran her hand down his back without thinking about it. The movement had been performed as an instinct. It wasn’t a part of some grand scheme to manipulate him or keep her cover.
The thought worried her, but she shoved it aside.
Porco ran a hand through his face. She knew he hated being seen like this, but he’d learned to trust her. He eased into her touch and groaned.
“My brother. I saw that girl’s memories again. She ate him. I can’t get it out of my head,” he clutched at his temples.
Ymir. He was referring to Ymir’s memories. Ymir had been the Titan to consume Marcel all those years ago. It must have been torture for him to have to relive it over and over again.
“Want to talk about it?”
She knew the answer was no. He would much rather pretend it never happened and curl back into bed. Still, she asked him automatically.
As she predicted, he shook his head.
“Nah, sorry to wake you,” he raised the blanket back over himself and closed his eyes.
“Try to think of the good memories with Marcel instead, yeah?”
She didn’t realize she’d said anything wrong until she felt Porco tense next to her. She blinked for a moment before the color drained from her face.
Marcel
Porco had never once told her his name before. He always referred to him as his brother, but had never given a name.
She supposed maybe she could get him to believe that the names of the Warriors were well known to everyone, but she had already lied before that she didn’t know the other Warriors. She had feigned not knowing who Reiner and Zeke were before in a conversation earlier, so she doubted he would believe she now knew the names of the Warriors from town gossip.
“How did you know he was named Marcel?”
Porco’s eyes scanned her. For a second, there’d been a spark of something suspicious. It looked like he’d been tensing up, and she imagined his natural inclination to be weary of people was rising.
She feigned being nonchalant as she lifted the blanket to her chin. Faking sleepiness, she yawned.
“You call his name in your sleep a lot. Whenever you have nightmares, you scream it.”
She was glad her voice sounded normal because her heart was pounding in her chest. If he didn’t buy that, her cover might be blown.
She could feel him staring at her. The gears were working in his head, and she could imagine the internal battle. He didn’t sleep talk, years of sleeping in the barracks would have given it away if he did, but he wanted to believe her.
Guilt gnawed at her as she realized that he really did want to believe her. He trusted her, cared for her, and told himself that she was credible.
The suspicion faded from his eyes as the love in him won out against the warning signs. He eased back into bed and curled an arm around her waist. Nuzzling into her, he closed his eyes.
“Sorry, I didn’t know I talk in my sleep. I hope I don’t wake you.”
She didn’t relax until after his breathing against her neck had evened out. Once he’d slipped into the realm of sleep, she squeezed her eyes shut.
She’d messed up, and the thought filled her with dread. She would have never made a mistake like that before, so why now? Why was it suddenly growing harder to keep the charade going?
She slumped against his form and squeezed her hands into a fist. She needed to be more careful from now on.
- - -
Strike two happened some days later. She and Porco had gone to the pier to watch the kids train. Pieck had been waiting for them when they arrived.
Gabi was competing with Falco for the lead while Udo and Zofia hung back. Pieck laughed quietly to herself as Porco leaned against the rail.
“Think she’ll win?” Pieck asked.
“Doesn’t she always?” Porco responded.
He yawned into his hand. Lately, his nightmares had been troubling him more and more. Between Ymir’s memories and the stress of having lived through the Mid-East War, there was always some vision that tormented him.
“I’m way too tired. I should go get some coffee,” he groaned.
“Get me one too?” Pieck blinked up at him.
“I didn’t offer to buy you one-”
“Buy us some, Pock? Please?” She helped Pieck beg.
Stuck between the two of them, Porco groaned. He fished around for his wallet, made sure he had enough, and scoffed.
“Fine. I’ll buy YOU one, but Pieck has to pay me back later for hers.”
Pieck laughed quietly and called him mean. He offered her a rude gesture as he walked away in search for a coffee place.
Once he was gone, Pieck was quiet once more. The kids had finished and Gabi had pulled through again. Falco dropped down and panted as Zofia and Udo joined him.
“She’s good. I think she’ll inherit her cousin’s titan eventually. The Brauns are really proud,” she leaned against the rail.
“I can’t imagine it’s easy though. Knowing that your daughter or niece is going to take over her cousin. It must be hard,” she rested her chin on her hand.
Pieck sighed quietly. “It is, but being an Honorary Marleyan is worth it. I’m surprised you never joined the Warrior Program. I’ve seen you run and carry heavy boxes. You’re strong and could have made it far.”
She ground her teeth and hoped that Pieck hadn’t caught on to the fact that she had military training. She wasn’t a war nurse, so she wouldn’t be able to excuse why she was strong. Maybe she’d have to let Porco carry a few heavy things in the future. She should let herself appear weaker.
“My parents didn’t want me to.”
Pieck raised an eyebrow. “Your parents missed out on a chance to get citizenship? Why’s that?”
Without thinking, she sighed. “My mother would have hated the idea of me joining the military. She only ever wanted me to be safe. She was squeamish about blood and would have hated imagining me covered in it had she been alive to see it.”
She thought back to her real mother. The woman that died in Shinganshina would have hated that her daughter became a soldier for the Corps. All she ever wanted was for her to daughter to live a peaceful life as a seamstress just like she had been. If she could see her daughter now, she’d be appalled.
Pieck was quiet for a second and a frown crossed her features. She realized too late her mistake and stilled her movements.
“Blood made her squeamish? I thought she was a nurse?” She turned to her and the suspicion that had previously been erased sparked back to life. “And you talked about her in the past tense when you would have been offered to be a Warrior as a kid. I thought she died last year?”
“I-”
Her brain stopped working and she tried to come up with some excuse. She needed lie that would make the suspicion die down. Her thoughts were in disarray and she panicked.
In the end, she never got a chance. Porco returned with three coffees and grumbled about how he was sure the barista over charged him. He passed them out to the two of them and eyed them.
Pieck was still looking at her with weariness, and she’d tried not to let her fear show.
“Did something happen?” Porco gazed at her with concern.
It was Pieck who recovered first. She raised her coffee to her lips and looked away towards where the kids had started running again. She dropped the matter although she was sure she hadn’t forgotten her little slip up.
“Nothing, but I should head back. Don’t forget we have a meeting.”
She waved goodbye and left.
She watched her go and felt dread pool at her stomach. Zeke had warned her to be careful near Pieck. She was clever and would pick up on stuff if she wasn’t careful.
Strike two.
- - -
Strike three came two weeks later. Porto dropped something and searched underneath her bed for it. His hands groped blindly for the item when he suddenly stopped.
Her heart froze in her chest when he pulls out her journal.
He raised an eyebrow and got cocky grin. “What is this? Your diary or something?”
Before she could stop him, he cracked it open.
She dove for it, but he snatched it up and raised it over his head. He was taller than her and he laughed as she jumped. She tried to get to it, but he would only bring it up higher the more she struggled.
“Are you that embarrassed to let me read it? What, is it full of your fantasies?” He laughed.
Panic filled her and she turned on him.
“Give it back!”
Her voice came out harsher than she intended. The fear in her stomach had turned to lead, and her tone sounded cold.
Porco stopped and realized that she was serious. He lowered his hand and handed her the journal back. “Woah, I was kidding. I wouldn’t really invade your privacy like that. You okay?”
She huffed and shoved the journal back under the bed. Her ears burned and she felt like crying from the residual panic.
She had been so close to getting her cover blown. She hadn’t had time to rendezvous with Jean yet, so the previous few notes she’d collected were still tucked inside. If he had read them-
She shivered and turned to him.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell,” she let a tear slip down and was grateful when she saw him soften at the sight, “It’s just that I’ve had my journals read before and it’s a violation of privacy.”
She sniffed again and he wiped the tear away. He wasn’t one to openly show affection, but she knew that her tears were a good way to get him to soften. It felt awful to manipulate him in that way, but everything about the mission had felt awful for a while.
“I wouldn’t have actually read it,” he looked away, “I was just messing around.”
She nodded and decided to let the matter drop. Turning away, she offered to make them both dinner.
He accepted the change in conversation and went back to his search for his missing item.
As she left the room, she missed when he calls her name. One of the loose sheets of paper had fallen out of the journal in the kerfuffle. He picked it up to hand it back to her, but she was already gone.
Sighing, he intended to shove it under the bed with the journal when he spotted his name on it. Confused, he unrolled it and glanced at its contents. Inside was a collection of notes regarding troop placements.
Confusion and something cold filled him and he shoved it into his pocket intending to look at it more closely later.
From the kitchen, she missed the way his eyes seemed to darken.
Strike three. You’re out.
- - -
She met with Jean that day and decided to give him the entire journal. The fear of almost being found out had left a bad taste in her mouth. To make matters worse, Porco had been acting off all afternoon. Rather than spending the night like he usually did, he had left mumbling something about a late night meeting with the other Warriors. She hadn’t been sure if he had forgiven her for yelling yet.
Jean took the journal with a raised eyebrow.
“All of it? You don’t want to keep writing notes?” He slipped it into the inside of his coat.
She rubbed at her arms and shook her head. “He almost read it, Jean. I managed to take it in time, but what if he had read it? Our cover would have been blown. I’ve never been that scared before.”
Jean hissed under his breath. He pinched the bridge of his nose and his voice grew cold.
“Be more fucking careful next time! If he had read it, all of this would have been over. You have any idea what they’ll do to you if they find out? What he’ll do to you?”
“He wouldn’t hurt me,” she spilled it out without thinking.
Jean openly gaped at her and she paled.
“I mean-”
“Fuck, listen to yourself. Are you sure you’re not the one wrapped around his finger?” Jean kicked at the pier in frustration, “This is getting too bad. You almost got caught and now you’re in over your head. The last thing we need is you turning coats because you caught feelings.”
“I didn’t!” She hissed it at him and hit him in the arm hard.
She wasn’t sure why she lashed out, but the pent up anger and fear from before suddenly rushed out. She hit him again and hissed into his ear. “Stop doubting me. I’m a soldier same as you. Don’t underestimate me.”
He shoved her arms to the side and pinned them down. His arms held her steady and she was suddenly pinned into his embrace. His gaze burned with rage and a warning.
“Yeah, well act like a soldier. Stop letting him get too close and stop forgetting what you’re here for. Get the intel and that’s it. No more dates or fantasizing. Don’t forget why we’re here and be more fucking careful next time.”
He let her go and she rubbed at her arms in anxiety. “I’m sorry for hitting you.”
“Whatever,” he shrugged off her apology, “Just don’t lose your head. Your life is on the line. Paradis is on the line. Don’t forget that. Don’t let your feelings cloud your judgement.”
She stared after him as he left. Her eyes burned and she felt some tears run down her face. He was right and she knew it.
She was on a mission. This wasn’t a game. Her life was on the line, and her home would pay the price if she failed. This wasn’t some romance novel. If her cover was blown, she was sure Porco wouldn’t hesitate to turn her in.
Her hands covered her eyes and she leaned against the railing of the pier. The wind blew her hair back. She stayed there thinking about everything and how it was all going wrong-
And she never noticed the girl staring from yards away with pursed lips.
- - -
A hand suddenly yanked her into a room, and she almost screamed. The only thing that kept her from shrieking was the hand that clamped her mouth shut.
Someone made a ‘shushing’ sound. Their finger pressed to their lips and she blinked.
Zeke.
She shoved him off shocked. “The hell are you doing? What if someone saw?”
They were in the military headquarters. She came to meet Porco for lunch when suddenly she was abducted.
Zeke had yanked her into some sort office. He shook his head and locked the door. His face was tense.
“We had a meeting earlier in my office. I left afterwords to deliver some paperwork and heard talking when I got back. It was Pieck and Porco. Something happened.”
Dread filled her.
“What?” She breathed out the word and knew what he was going to say before he said it.
“Pieck saw you last night with a man. She told Porco he had you in an embrace. She’s concerned you haven’t been honest with them,” he plopped down on a chair, “Something about your mother too?”
Grinding her teeth, she felt a sense of dread.
Jean. Pieck had seen her with Jean. She felt lightheaded as she realized that. Did she overhear their conversation too or just spot them from a distance? Either way, this was really bad.
“And what did Porco say?”
“He told her she was wrong. Sounded like he was trying to convince himself though. I couldn’t hear more than that because Colt called my name and gave my presence away. Once they heard I was back, they stopped talking. I don’t know what else they know, but I think you’re cover is breaking.”
He seemed irritated as he pushed his glasses up.
“I thought you were more careful? We trained you for months. What happened?”
She ran a hand through her hair. She knew exactly what had been happening and it frightened her. Jean had been right this entire time. This mission had been messing with her head in ways she never imagined. She needed to get out of Marley as soon as possible.
Ignoring Zeke, she opened the door to the office. Taking a step forward, she spotted Porco stalking angrily through the halls. His face was flushed in irritation and he clenched his fists in his pockets.
“Pock?” She called out to him and closed the door behind her. Hopefully, Zeke would get the message and know to stay inside. They shouldn’t be seen together considering they hadn’t formally met before.
Porco stopped at her voice and spun around. Something passed through his eyes, something cold, and she tensed. A fight or flight instinct rose in her. If he’d caught on to things already, this was really bad.
But the moment passed quickly, and his arm draped around her shoulder.
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
“Came to invite you to lunch,” she replied.
She tried to steer him away from the room. He glanced behind the door in thought.
A ball of fear sank in her stomach. She’d had no idea that he was outside the hall when she stepped out. Hopefully he hadn’t seen what room she emerged from.
She found herself talking in order to fill the silence. “There’s a restaurant you like around the corner right? We should eat there?”
He blinked slowly. “Yeah, how’d you know? Have I ever taken you there?”
“Pieck told me,” she lied. She didn’t wait for him, she took his hand and tugged him behind her. Her thoughts were buzzing in her head, and she clamped her teeth down on her tongue.
Zeke had been right. She was trained for this mission, so why did she keep making stupid mistakes? At what point did she stop being the confident spy?
As they left, she heard the door open behind them. Zeke emerged fixing the collar of his shirt.
Behind her, she saw Porco turn around. When his eyes landed on Zeke’s retreating figure, he tensed. She and Zeke hadn’t been introduced yet. There was no reason for the two of them to have been in the same room together.
She waited for him to ask, to question, but he never did. Instead, he turned back around and moved in front of her. He let her lead him away to that favorite restaurant of his that she had no way of knowing about. His gaze the entire time was full of distrust, but he never voiced it out.
Still, she felt the widening distance between them and held back her wince. Jean and Zeke were right. Her cover was cracking.
- - -
She waited for Porco to initiate a conversation. The entire day she’d felt the gap between them widening. He felt tense and kept glancing at her almost as if he wanted to gear himself up to ask her something.
But the confrontation never came. Instead, he let her ramble about her day and responded with small snippets of conversation. In the end, they returned to her home and he let her lead him to her room.
When they made love, something felt off. His thoughts were a million miles away from her, and he seemed distracted. His movements felt robotic, and she couldn’t help but notice the walls he’d slowly brought up.
The conversation with Pieck had done a number on him. She knew he was desperate to ask about the mysterious man she had embraced. He also probably wondered about a million other things that didn’t fit, mistakes she’d made that would give anyone pause, but he couldn’t bring himself to speak them out loud. Perhaps he thought that, if he said something, it would make everything more real.
She almost wished he would say something. Even if it meant that her cover was exposed and she had to flee, she figured anything was better than this uncomfortable chasm that had widened between them.
Still, he never said anything. He slept with her the way he had in the past and only ever said her name in the heights of pleasure. Even though he couldn’t bring himself to look at her in the eyes, he kept his mouth shut.
The only time that night that he spoke was when he reached his limit. Groaning as he finished, he presses a harsh kiss to her lips. Then he sounded out something that made her blood freeze.
“I love you.”
Three little words and her world fell apart. He’d never said it before. She never imagined he’d be the type to say it.
As he started to drift off exhausted, she ran a hand through her hair. Her heart was racing, and there was an awful pain somewhere in her chest. She felt like crying but fought it off.
After he’d fallen asleep, she put her head in her hands.
“I love you too, Pock.”
With growing horror, she realized she was telling the truth.
- - -
He didn’t bring it back up again. She wondered if he even remembered saying it. Maybe it had slipped out in a moment of pleasure, and he didn’t really mean it.
She wasn’t sure which alternative she preferred. The one where Porco loved her or the one where he had just said it on instinct in the middle of sex. Both made her feel sick.
The festival came faster than it should. The kids laughed and had fun as they raced from stall to stall.
The Warriors had separated into groups. She and Porco had joined Pieck to walk along the displays while Reiner had gone with the kids. She was glad that Porco in his possessiveness had not wanted them to meet. She wasn’t sure whether Reiner would recognize her or not, and she couldn’t risk it with Pieck around.
Pieck had grown distant. Gone was the friendly girl who smiled and laughed. After seeing her with Jean that night she had been openly suspicious.
The thought made her nervous. Best case scenario, Pieck just thought she was unfaithful. Worse case scenario, however, she knew she was lying about who she was. Still, both options were awful.
“Wanna try those foods over there?” Porco nodded at the booth selling something that smelt spicy and exotic. The name of it was in some language she didn’t know.
“Sure, we can eat them by the music area,” Pieck hummed.
Porco offered to go buy them some of it and left. Left alone with Pieck, she shifted uncomfortably.
Pieck eyed another stand nearby selling some dessert. It was covered in chocolate and strawberries. It looked good and was within their price range.
“We should get some of that too. It isn’t every day Liberio has a festival,” Pieck motioned for her to join.
“Anything catch your eye?” She asked Pieck. The booth had individually wrapped each sweet and had a flavor tag in front displaying the various kinds. There were berries and nuts and a bunch of other little toppings that they could choose from.
“What do you think Pock would like? Does he have any allergies?” Pieck glanced at her.
She thought back to the file that she read in Paradis.
“Nuts, I think.”
Pieck hummed and grabbed the one with nuts anyway. When she gave her a questioning glance, she realized Pieck’s eyes had turned cold. She’d failed some type of test, and she realized it too late.
“Really? Because I saw him eat some walnuts the other day. Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure he outgrew that allergy years ago. I don’t know why he would mention it to you now.”
She froze.
The file Zeke gave her must not have been up to date. Some kids outgrew allergies as they grew older. The stupid Marleyan record keepers must not have known to update Porco‘s file once he was an adult.
“Really? I thought he mentioned it earlier,” she tried to sound nonchalant.
It did nothing to help her. This time, Pieck had completely turned cold. Her eyes were harsh and she took a step forward.
“How did your mother really die? Your file at the hospital doesn’t make sense. The name listed under her doesn’t exist-”
“You looked through my file?” Her voice sounded faraway.
Pieck glanced to the side. Porco was returning with the food. Her cold gaze disappeared replaced by something that looked friendly yet false.
“We should join Pock before he eats our share too,” she replied. She slipped a hand around her shoulder and led her away.
She didn’t miss the quiet little whisper Pieck offered her way as they walked. Her heartbeat pounded in her ears.
“Don’t be mad at me for looking through your file. After all, you looked through mine.”
- - -
She found Jean at the rendezvous location that night. She grabbed onto his arm in panic. He startled and his eyes widened.
“What happened? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”
“My cover’s blown. The Cart Titan is smarter than we thought. She’s guessed I’m lying. I need to leave Marley before she tells the military.”
Jean swore.
“Ok, ok, I can send a letter to the Scouts. We can send you back in a few days from now. Just wait until Tybur’s speech. Eren sent a letter and told us he plans to attack Liberio then. Just wait for the zeppelin to pass by. I’ll get someone to send you some ODM gear and you can use it to shoot yourself up. Just play everything normal.”
She pressed her hands to her face.
“Pieck found out. I fucked up. She was already starting to trust me, but then I opened my mouth. I bet she’s already told the others.”
Jean glanced around them. The pier looked empty, but they shouldn’t hang around too often.
“Just relax, alright? As long as the Marleyan soldiers don’t pound down your door, you’ll be fine. Just a few more days. In the meantime, just avoid her.”
He shoved his hands in his pocket and turned to leave.
She watched him go and felt like vomiting. Her mission had fallen apart, and she was terrified of what was coming. Either she would be dragged out by soldiers in the morning, or she would have to wait for an attack that would kill many civilians.
Frightened, she realized Porco would fight in that attack too. As a Warrior, he would be there when his people were killed. Would he realize then that Pieck was right? Realize that she had been a spy this whole time? Would it hurt him the way it was hurting her?
Once upon a time, she wanted to break him and the other Eldians just like they had broken through Wall Maria. She wanted them to hurt as much as she had hurt when her family had been killed in Shinganshina.
But now, with the rage fading to a dull roar and a searing pain in her chest taking its place, she couldn’t help but feel like the only thing she had managed to break was her own heart.
- - -
He was awake when she returned to her home. The lamp light was turned on as she entered the room. He blinked sleepily at her and cleared his throat to rid his vocal chords of sleep.
“Where were you? I woke up from a nightmare and you were gone. You didn’t answer when I called your name,” he eyed her.
She kicked off her shoes under the bed.
“I was getting some water downstairs. Sorry, I didn’t hear you,” she replied.
He didn’t believe her. She knew it when she looked at him. Her hair was disheveled from the wind, her shoes had sand from the pier, and her skin smelt like saltwater. He didn’t believe her-
But he wanted to.
She saw how he closed his eyes and let himself believe her. Every instinct of his warned him that she was lying, surely Pieck had warned him a thousand times too, but his heart triumphed over his brain. He accepted the lie from her and let it cloud his judgement.
Easing himself back into bed, he let out a soft sigh that sounded defeated and pained. Her heart gave a lurch.
“Yeah, yeah, maybe I was wrong.”
As he fell back asleep, she knew he didn’t just mean about her whereabouts.
- - -
Tybur’s speech came before she realized it. Jean had warned her not to stay for it. A day earlier, Yelena had stopped by dressed as a Marleyan soldier and provided her a black uniform and ODM gear. Everything was in place for her escape and Liberio’s attack.
The Warriors had been invited to the speech. It was a grand affair with many dignitaries from foreign nations joining. Porco grumbled as he put on his uniform claiming that he felt like Willy Tybur’s little circus monkey. It was obvious he meant to parade the big and terrifying Eldian Warriors for all the world to see.
She wasn’t allowed to sit with him at the speech which was a relief. The Warriors had their own section separate with the military. As a civilian nurse, her row of seats was far away from his.
They arrived to the locale as more people had started to sit down. There was chatter and buzz as people arrived.
Porco stopped halfway to the Warrior section and ran a hand through his hair. She glimpsed past him and saw the other Warriors already there. Zeke lounged in his seat looking bored while Pieck played with Zofia and the other candidates.
“I’ll see you after the speech, right?”
His voice was quiet, unusual for him, and she wondered if maybe he had a feeling things weren’t what they seemed.
Pieck had pulled him aside yesterday too. Zeke had warned her that they were whispering to each other again. Her cover had been blown wide open. Pieck was sure she was a spy, but hadn’t made a move.
She’s waited for days for the Marley soldiers to come and drag her out kicking and screaming, but no one had shown up. Jean theorized that Pieck was being held at bay by Porco. Maybe he wanted to handle things first before they called in the cavalry.
Still, Porco never confronted her. He just blindly accepted her lies although it looked like his eyes grew more and more suspicious. The way he quietly observed her spoke volumes as to how his trust in her had dwindled.
That hurt more than she would like to admit, and she scolded herself for being such an awful spy.
“Yeah, I’ll see you,” she responded.
She turned to leave, but he stopped her with a hand on her arm.
“I mean it,” his face was serious, “We have to talk. I need to speak to you. It’s really important.”
She swallowed. Those four little words were never good for any relationship. She supposed a fake one wasn’t any different.
“Yeah, okay.”
Suddenly the black uniform she wore under her large overcoat felt like it was suffocating her. With any luck, she’d be gone before he had a chance to realize she was a spy. She didn’t think she could stomach the look of betrayal that would be on his face when he realized it.
“See you then,” he kept searching her eyes for something but let her go.
“Goodbye,” she responded, “I love you, Pock.”
She meant it as she said it, and her own heart broke into a million pieces. He paused as he walked away and she saw his entire body tense. A look of agony flickered in his eyes for half a second before it was cleared away.
He knew now this was the last time they’d ever see each other. She saw him realize it. All of a sudden, his eyes were opened to the truth. Every warning Pieck had given him had just now hit home.
“I love you too,” he closed his eyes and wished it wasn’t true when he said it, “Goodbye.”
- - -
Yelena’s plan failed. She was supposed to lock Pieck and Porco in a trapdoor to keep them from the battle. However, despite all of her warnings about Pieck being clever, she underestimated her.
Pieck caught on to her and suspected her from the beginning. She warned the Panzer squad right before being led into a trap. Her team was able to rescue them both, and they joined the fight.
Still, it was not her problem anymore. She discarded her overcoat somewhere else and her uniform was exposed. The wings of freedom proudly winked in the night light.
She was a scout, a citizen of Paradis, and she had bigger things to worry about. She buried her emotions down somewhere deep inside and readied her ODM gear.
The zeppelin arrived just as Jean had predicted. She took one final look as Liberio burned and steeled herself.
Her hooks shot up and landed on the blimp. She rose into the air.
As she made her ascent, she caught sight of two Titans at the far end of the area. One was a Titan on four legs with tanks on its back. The other was a Titan with streaming hair and a wide jaw.
They both rose their heads as the Scouts zipped along the sky firing thunder spears in their wake. They saw her lifting herself up on the blimp.
Sasha appeared at the entrance and offered her hand. She took it and let herself get pulled up. As she stood, she turned back down to see the two Titans below.
The Cart Titan was glaring openly, her suspicions confirmed. The Jaw Titan was frozen as his world fell apart around him.
She apologized to him in her head and gave him her back. The rest of the Scouts surged to her and asked her if she was okay. She wasn’t, and tears ran down her face much to their shock.
Behind her, she could hear the Jaw Titan’s agonized roar.
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lunnybunny12 · 3 years
Text
Sirius Black x reader (And yet...)
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A/N: Never written a Sirius fanfic before hope you enjoy. 
Warnings: themes of death and death threats. 
Word count: 1331
Master list
12 years. It had only been 12 years. 12 years since you became a professor. 12 years since your friends were murdered. 12 unbelievable years of pain. 12 excruciating years of overwhelming loneliness... It felt longer than that.
You heard muffled yelling from above you, with a wand at the ready, you crept up the stairs.
"Don't be a fool, Severus!"
"He can't help it. It's habit by now."
"Quiet, Sirius!"
The voices became clearer the closer you got. You didn't know how many people were there at that moment but you guessed 3.
A Black, slender figure is what you saw at first. Greasy black hair and their skin was as white as a sheet of parchment. Your lips contorted into a snarl at the sight of the man. If you could even call him that.
He clicked his tongue and growled through gritted teeth. "Listen to you two. Quarrelling like an old married couple. The creature and the criminal."
The second person you saw was tall. From where you stood all you could see were male and lanky. Had to be Remus, He was the only one that was supposed to be there.
"Piss off." a gruff voise spat. Severus strode over to the figure, pushing his wand into their neck.
You sneaked another couple of steps closer to the Wizards, curious to see what you were dealing with. Then you got to the door frame, the more you could see.
The shack had seen better days. A thick layer of dust blanketed everything in the room from the piano to probably multiple corpses of rotting animals.
"Witty as ever I see. " Severus snarled. "Tell me, will you be so irreverent when I turn you over to the Dementors? Do I detect a flicker of fear? One can only imagine what it must be like to endure the Dementor's Kiss. It's said to be unbearable to witness. But I'll do my best."
Before you could think, a flash of light exploded from your wand that sent the black-clothed professor soar through the air and land on the floor with a thud.
The room was still. You felt your heart pound in your chest from the adrenalin that was pumping through you. Multiple pairs of eyes were on you but there were only 1 that you cared about at that moment.
12 years... And there he was, stood right in front of you. The same smile he always had, plastered on his lips. You had imagined this moment so many times that you couldn't even tell the difference between your thoughts and reality anymore.
Your jaw began to tremble at the sight of him. He was so pale, so sickly. His once sparkling eyes were glazed over with pain and had sunken into his skull. It had to be real. Your mind wasn't cruel enough to make that sight up... but you still weren't sure.
"(Y/N)!" He breathed, stepping towards you.
"We don't have time for this! You said Peter before. Peter who?" That's when you saw the children. Why were they here? who brought them here? And Peter, of all people why were they talking about peter?
"Pettigrew. He was at school with us. We thought he was a friend."
" No. Pettigrew's dead. He killed him." Sirius laughed mirthlessly at the accusation.
"I thought so, too. Until you mentioned seeing Pettigrew on the Map."
"The Map was lying then --"
"The Map never lies, Harry. Sirius said stumbling over his own feet. "Pettigrew's alive. And he's right there."
His arm extended to point at Ron. Said boy pretty much cacked his pants when he saw your once teary eyes turn black with anger.
"ME? That's mental..."
"Not you. Your rat!"
That's when it all fell into place for you. You understood right then and there what was going on and what was about to happen.
"Scabbers? Scabbers has been in my family for " "Twelve years." you said angrily walking up to the red-headed boy with Sirius in toe.
"A curiously long life for a common garden rat. He's missing a toe, isn't he?"
"So what?" The redhead asked, holding his rat protectively at his side.
"All they could find of Pettigrew was his finger, Ron," you answered, eyes still fuming with rage as they pinned themselves to squirming creature.
"Dirty coward cut it off so everyone would think he was dead. Then he transformed into a rat."
Harry stared into Black's sunken eyes. He wanted to believe. He was desperate to believe.
"Show me." The boy ordered.
With that, Lupin took out his wand and, as one, he and Black cast a stream of BLUE-WHITE LIGHT. Scabbers twisted madly in midair, then -- FLASH! -- transforms into... a very short man with thinning hair and grubby hands.
"R-Remus...S-Sirius. My old friends." Pettigrew said. As his watery eyes darted towards the windows and door. Suddenly, he made a break for it, but Sirius merely shoves him back. Pettigrew's nose twitched rapidly, his eyes landed on you. His hands fluttered nervously, revealing his missing finger.
"(Y/n)... my dear, sweet (Y/n)" he said scurrying towards you. Both Sirius and Remus were about to intervene until you held up your hand in a stop motion. Peter had always been smaller and weaker than you, so when you were younger you took it upon yourself to protect him. He must have thought you were going to help him but your intentions were entirely opposite.
"You know me, you know, more than anyone else that I couldn't hurt a fly..." He suddenly stopped his sentence when he felt the tip of your wand blunge itself into a layer of fat he called his neck. The fake smile you had for a second quickly morphed into a deadpan expression.
"You sat in my classroom. You watched me teach" Everyone could practically see the fire that seethed inside of you as you pushed the rat into the centre of the room.
"You stood by and watched 2 of my best friends die. And you watched as my HUSBAND got taken away to a place where I wouldnt condemn my worst enemy... So.. don't you dare come to me, begging for pity because that died with Lily and James." If Wormtail wasn't scared before then he was terrified after that. He was shaking from head to toe as you, Remus and Siriuses wands were pointed right at him.
---------------------------------------------------------------
12 years since he had seen you. 12 years since kissed you, held you and yet...there you were, still as beautiful as the day he was taken (even with the messy hair and angry eyes). It took everything in him to not hold you tight and never let you go and when you and the children got outside into the crisp evening air, he made sure you knew it.
He didn't care about Perter or Remus or the Children, he just wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a long-awaited kiss.
A flood of emotions hit you all at once: shock since you weren't expecting it, anger because of what had just transpired, relief, horror, fear, happiness and they all came across in that one, long loving kiss.
"Sirius, darling" you said in a voice so quiet it could've been considered a whisper. "You need a bath"
He let out a hearty chuckle, laughing into your shoulder as you refused to let him go. you laughed along with him.
"Professor (Last name), You know him?" Harry asked in a calm tone.
Sirius looked at you in amusement for a moment. "Went back to the maiden name did you?"
You rolled your eyes at him and rested your head against his.
In the 3 years harry had attended Hogwarts, he had never seen you have a wormer smile on your face as you did then.
"Harry Potter, allow me to introduce you to your God-Father and my Husband, Sirius Black.  
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arteacactus · 4 years
Note
Can we get a sick fic Janus hiding in his room until someone else breaks down the door? Cause he thought no one would care
this is so out of nowhere bc i like never get fic requests here anymore it’s like always on my sideblog hissceit ,, but it’s 10000% welcome and appreciated JDFJFD thank u .. also i apologize for how needlessly wordy this is HAHA i strayed from the prompt like .. a lot
warnings for sickness , the coughs , vomiting, sore throat , etc , the whole shebang-- and some cursing 
-----
It’s not that Janus had never been sick before, it’s just that...
Well, he’d never been sick before.
He wasn’t positive why (which irked him; he hated being in the dark about things, especially things concerning himself), but he had some theories- the most plausible one thus far simply being that while Thomas had always viewed the Light Sides as human, to some extent, he saw Janus as a two-faced snake; a monster kept hidden away in the shadows under his bed. And monsters didn’t get touched by things like disease. So while the others got touched with sickness occasionally, Janus never did.
But if Janus was getting sick now..
That implied that after he told them his name, Thomas started seeing him as somewhat human, too, with vulnerabilities like the rest.
He wasn’t sure just how he felt about that, but he didn’t love it (he liked being untouchable, okay?).
Ah, well, Janus supposed the why didn’t matter much at the moment. He could ponder that after the fact.
Right now was the time to think about how to end it, because it was pure torture.
He was too hot and too cold all at once, his head throbbed and his body ached in places he never knew could ache, his eyes were sore and oozing and his nose wasn’t faring much better. His throat was raw as if he’d spent hours and hours screaming at nothing, and even after trudging his way into the Dark Side’s kitchen for a cup of tea (though it was more like a cup of honey and lemon with a hint of green tea), it felt absolutely no better; in fact, he just felt worse, because he had to leave bed, go downstairs, spend twenty minutes standing around to make the tea, and then go back up the stairs to his room again.
He’d been fidgeting with his blankets for the past three hours; having them on made him too hot, having them off made him too cold, and so he settled for having one leg covered and nothing else (oddly enough, this was actually a good compromise). The air in his room was hot and stuffy which certainly didn’t help- nor did it help his sinuses any, as it made his headache pound worse and his airways were thoroughly blocked off. He dreaded drinking or swallowing anything as it sent the most uncomfortably painful sensation down his throat and rendered him to a groaning, pained mess.
He clutched his pillow weakly, pressing his head into the hot surface. He hated this. Usually, he thrived in the heat, as his room was typically colder than a jail cell, but this time he wanted it gone. He wished it was winter, just so he could full-body launch himself into a mound of snow and sleep for eternity. 
He felt a slight tug, the distinct feeling of someone requesting his presence, and promptly shooed it away. Not only was he just wearing pants, but he was sick, and he’d rather die than show that level of weakness to anybody.
Three days before, when he’d first felt his symptoms come on, he’d briefly considered going to someone for help; perhaps Remus, because he was his best friend, or Logan, because surely he’d know how to handle diseases and how to cure them, or maybe even Patton, because he was a father figure and might have even made him soup- but he had quickly banished the thought. Sure, maybe they knew his name now, but they still really didn’t like him and had absolutely no reason to help him and not laugh at his predicament.
Well. Remus liked him well enough, but he would have just taken his morning star and bashed Janus across the head with it and called it good, so Janus had to pass on that.
Another tug came, a little more forcefully this time, and Janus dismissed it, just as forcefully. For a little precaution, he took a deep breath and waved his hand, locking up his room so no one could rise up/appear in it, nor could they come through his door. The strain it put on him to maintain that lock was almost enough to make him pass out, but he didn’t dare remove it; he couldn’t risk anybody seeing him in this state. 
He forced his body to roll over to the side, pressing his face into his pillow and sighing in relief as his nose unplugged just enough to take a deep breath in. He found himself actually wishing he’d sneeze, just for the temporary relief it brought. 
He pointedly ignored the next few tugs that hit him, though they weren’t as forceful and harsh as the past couple were. He could only assume the only reason they actually wanted him up there was to lecture him, because him being incapacitated like this surely was affecting Thomas in some way that they didn’t like.
Well, sucks to be them, Janus thought in mild frustration, I’m staying right here until this all goes away and I don’t want to die anymore.
Eventually, the incessant tugging slowed to a stop, and then they finally left him alone.
Letting out a relieved sigh, Janus curled his body into a tight ball, cringing at the sticky feeling of his sweaty skin against his silk sheets, and tried to fall asleep.
Thankfully, sleep claimed him easily, and he drifted off.
However easily it came, though, it certainly wasn’t very forgiving. 
He didn't wake up randomly, but he kept getting thrown so many vivid nightmares and odd, fever-induced dreams that he almost wished he was waking up every few minutes, if only to get away from whatever things his mind kept throwing at him.
He wasn’t awake, but he was aware of his own constant tossing and turning, his bed creaking in protest every time he thrashed and threw his body around the mattress, and when he finally did open his eyes (his throbbing head wasn’t very appreciative of it), he realized he’d somehow twisted himself so his head was at the foot of his bead and his blankets had been fully tossed onto the floor. His pillows weren’t faring much better; only two of his usual six remained in place, and they were mangled to death, the rest on the floor with his blankets.
Janus truly couldn’t bring himself to give a damn- instead, he weakly pushed his body upright, trying not to topple over as his head swam, and fell right back down in the proper position. Thankfully, though, his head not touching the pillows in a while meant they were delightfully chilled, and he moaned aloud at the lovely sensation it brought him. Absently he wondered if he should gather the strength to get himself an ice pack or run an ice bath, but thought better of it. After all, he was still part snake; he’d rather not throw himself into a self-induced comatose state from the cold. 
He blindly reached out and grabbed ahold of his bedside clock, a little antique thing he designed himself to fit his aesthetic despite being very poor at reading Roman numerals, and squinted as he tried to decipher how long he’d been asleep for.
He nearly dropped the thing upon realizing he’d slept for eleven straight hours.
He slid it back onto his nightstand and groaned loudly, though it quickly turned into a pained, chest-wracking cough. He couldn’t avoid it; he had to get up and eat something, or drink something, or get literally anything in his body, because whether he liked it or not, that was the only way he was going to get over this thing quicker. 
He managed to move just enough to get up and off the bed (nevermind the fact he nearly fell straight on the floor the second he stood), and took a couple shaky steps towards the door. The moment he reached out to turn the knob, though, the knocking started.
He froze, looking like a deer caught in headlights as he stared wide-eyed at the piece of wood in front of him, the only thing separating him from them.
There was a call of ‘Janus?’ that was so soft, Janus didn’t actually know who it came from; but that didn’t matter now, because the doorknob was turning and fuck, when did he let go of his lock?
Janus snapped his fingers, and managed to summon all but his hat when the door opened and revealed- much to his surprise- Virgil.
Janus and Virgil blinked at each other for a moment, dumbfounded, but thankfully, Virgil didn’t seem to see anything off about him, and just lowered his gaze and shrunk into his hoodie, refusing to meet Janus’ eyes.
“We- uh, they were trying to call you earlier today, you know.” Virgil’s voice was low and gruff, and Janus could honestly say this was the best possible Side to come see him. Remus was loud and shrill, Patton was too cheery and Roman was boisterous- Logan probably wouldn’t have been awful, but with his insistence to look everyone in the eye as he spoke to them, Janus was sure he’d have deciphered what was going on in a second.
“I’m aware,” Janus replied, internally cringing at his rough tone. He cleared his throat, which was screaming in protest at speaking. 
Virgil didn't seem to notice- or if he did, he didn’t care. “Well. You made them worry, and they sent me to come collect you.”
“Worr- Collect?” Janus echoed in confusion, taken off guard by everything Virgil said.
“Yeah, uh, you worried them so now they won’t take no for an answer. You’re gonna have to come with me.” Virgil, at least, seemed a little sheepish saying this, but he also has a particularly determined and frustrated look to him. Clearly, he wasn’t happy being the one picked to come ‘collect’ Janus, and he wasn’t going to take no from him as an answer, either.
“Wh-” Janus was cut off as Virgil gripped his arm, and any protests he could have made died on his tongue as they started moving. Dizziness attacked him with such ferocity that he was honestly astounded that he hadn’t immediately fallen over, and his stomach lurched at the speed they were moving. Of course, he didn’t bring this up, just took a deep breath and pushed through. After all, Virgil was the last person he wanted to know about his current state.
Once Virgil brought them across the line that separated the Dark Sides from the Light Sides, the immediate bright artificial light from the lamps and ceiling lights making his head pound in a way that was even worse than what the red light of the heat lamps in the snake terrariums in his room caused. 
The air here, though, was clear and fresh, and he basked in the coolness of it as it surrounded him. If it wasn’t for the lights, he’d almost be tempted ask to stay for a while.
Once they made it to the living room, Virgil released him from his grasp, and slunk over into his own corner in the stairwell- and Janus found himself standing right next to Logan.
Unfortunately, they were all staring at him.
Time to put your acting skills to work, Janus, he thought to himself as he heaved an internal sigh, and plastered a toothy grin on his face that bared his sharp canines just enough to make them flinch away.
“So. I was summoned?” His throat protested speech, but thankfully his voice came out smooth and silky, not one bit of it hinting towards his predicament.
“Yeah, and you never answered..?” Thomas seemed more concerned than anything, but Janus definitely saw some suspicion on Roman’s expression (he couldn’t blame him, after how his name reveal went), and Patton was more fidgety than usual. Logan, bless him, didn’t seem to be acting any different, and Virgil looked just as bored as he usually was.
Remus, however...
Well, Remus was looking at Janus with a suspicious gaze similar to Roman’s but far more scrutinizing. Janus briefly felt a flare of panic. If there was anyone here to notice he was off, it would be his best friend, who he lived with and saw every day.
“I was resting, Thomas, would you blame your personification of self-preservation for taking a day off for self-care?” Janus’ tone was exasperated. He wasn’t lying, not really; he was resting, and he was taking a day off for self-care.
Just.. more than one day.
“Respectfully, I have to.. what is the term, ‘call bullshit’?” Came Logan’s voice next to him, and he hoped to God that Logan didn’t notice Janus’ feverish tremors. “You’ve been MIA for the past few days, and it’s escalated to the point where Thomas is beginning to react to it. There is something else going on, and we’d like to know what’s going on.”
Ah, yes, for the good of Thomas, Janus couldn’t help but think a little bitterly, Really, I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s not like they’d worry about my wellbeing. “I’m afraid I wasn’t bullshitting you, Logan,” Janus replied coolly, “It was the truth.”
“Then how come your room looked trashier than Remus’?” Virgil’s voice, where earlier it was comfortingly gruff, was now an offputting growl. Despite his words, though, Janus could tell he was trying to act like he didn’t actually care. He took note of that, because Virgil caring about him was odd.
“Rearranging,” Janus replied simply, and hoped they took that alone as an acceptable answer.
Of course, they didn’t.
“You never rearrange,” Virgil’s tone turned accusatory, and then Patton cut in. 
“Well, maybe then that’s why he’s doing it now? For something fresh?” He sounded hopeful, as if he couldn’t wait for this entire conversation to be over. Janus felt similarly.
“I’ve lived with him, Patton, I know him, and it’s not something that happens.” Virgil argued, but this seemed to set off Remus as he cut in with, “And you left, so who are you to claim you ‘know him’?”
This sparked an argument amongst themselves, as they fought over the sudden new topic that thankfully centered around Virgil more than anything, and with Logan, Roman, and Thomas trying to mediate, there was no attention put on him anymore.
Janus took this momentary distraction to let out a sigh of relief, the mix of loud voices and trying to act like nothing was up was doing absolutely no good for his headache and exhaustion. He mourned the loss of his hat, because he could have used that to hide his face away from the lights that were bearing down on him and making his skin feel uncomfortably hot.
Though perhaps that was from all the layers of his outfit.
Unfortunately, though, as the seconds passed, the voices seemed to get louder, the lights got brighter, the clothes got hotter and his stomach was churning, his hands were sweating, his head was pounding his legs were getting shaky oh god his ears were ringing oh fuck fuck stop the noise please turn off the lights please stop please stop-
Distantly, he felt his throat start hurting intensely and he realized he was speaking out loud, stammering out pleads that were growing muffled as everything swamped him. His hands raised to cover his ears, trying to drown out the noise around him, and his legs gave out beneath him. He collapsed, feeling something warm and wet trickle down his face- tears? Was he crying? No, surely he was just imagining the feeling- but before he hit the hard floor, he felt something grab a hold of him, long, spider-like fingers gripping the undersides of his arms like a lifeline. He felt sharp nails and soft ruffles and realized Remus had caught him, he must have run from his spot to catch him before he fell, and Janus felt the stinging gaze of everybody on him. He felt like a mouse that was dropped into a snake’s cage for feeding, cowering beneath the penetrating gaze of the predator before him. The roles were reversed, and he hated it.
He managed to pry open his own eyes- when had he shut them?- and the moment he saw the horrified gazes trained on him, he fled.
He forced himself from Remus’ arms and he vanished, retreating back to his room, where the lights were off and the curtains were shut and the only thing he had to deal with was the light of his snakes’ heat lamps.
The hot, stuffy air attacked him with a vengeance, though, but he couldn’t really bring himself to care. He stripped himself of his clothes again, his skin glistening, heat radiating off of his person. 
He hurriedly locked up his room again, and fell to his knees beside his bed, and retched.
Thankfully, he’d managed to grab his trashcan, but it didn’t make him feel any less humiliated.
He thought he was doing himself a favor, hiding his state from all of them, but from not going to just one of them when he could, he had ended up breaking down in front of all of them. 
Body trembling and chest heaving, Janus collapsed onto the hard floor beneath him, unable to pull himself onto his bed, and curled up into a tight ball.
He wanted this to end.
Janus was so caught up in his misery that he didn’t even notice pounding on his door, all of his senses wrapped up in himself, in his throbbing head and hot skin and burning throat and sore stomach and the sound of his blood pumping in his ears, until there was a deafening ‘crash’ and splinters of wood came flying into his room.
He flinched at the noise and forced himself to sit up, but the sudden movement made him gag, and he found himself panting like a dog trying to cool himself off and calm down his raging nausea. 
There was a barrage of voices at first, but they were quickly hushed- from what, he didn’t know- and then a delightfully cold hand clutched his bicep, and he couldn’t hold back the relieved moan he let out in response.
“I’m gonna put you in bed, okay, Janus?” Came a soft voice- Remus- and Janus didn’t protest as he was gently lifted up by the Creative twin. Admittedly, he didn’t even know Remus could be that gentle, but he was grateful for it nonetheless.
There was some quiet shuffling and the sound of a dull ‘smack’ and then someone cursing softly, but soon enough Janus was set down on a set of smooth cotton sheets, clean and cool, and an absolute blessing.
“Jan-Jan, why didn’t you tell us you were sick?” Remus’ tone was scolding, like a parent to a young child (ironic, considering Janus was the one who raised Remus), and Janus opened his eyes just enough to see Remus’ face swathed in the shadows of his room. 
“Weak,” Janus croaked in reply, his voice wrecked, “Di’n.. wan’ see.”
“Your pride is going to be the death of you,” Remus sighed, and Janus heard some other voices pipe in.
“We would have helped you, Janus,” Thomas sounded sad, almost regretful. For what, Janus would never know.
“Indeed,” Logan’s voice was a comfort, Janus was willing to admit. “In fact, I will begin researching how to best care for this as soon as possible, so you are in utmost comfort while you recover.”
“I’ll make some soup,” Came Patton’s quiet promise, “And water, and tea.”
“I changed your bedsheets,” Roman seemed shy, “If you need me to, I can try and make a set that keeps you cooled down.”
Janus almost moaned aloud at the thought, and Roman must have seen it in his expression because he perked up right away. 
“Sorry for, uh, dragging you away so forcefully,” Virgil muttered, and Janus just managed to flap his hand dismissively. 
“You didn’ know.” He mumbled weakly, and he felt Remus’ cool touch brush away hair that clung to his sweaty forehead. 
“And now we do. So we’re going to take care of you, because we care about you.” He promised in a tone with no room for argument, with the others murmuring in agreement behind him.
And for once, Janus believed him, and let himself be taken care of.
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ssa-sugar-tits · 4 years
Text
queen of hearts // chapter nine
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summary : y/n y/l/n was crushed when she found out about maeve donovan. heartbroken, she left her entire life behind. what happens when she becomes the most prolific serial killer the bau has ever seen?
series masterlist + taglist
content warnings : murder, gunshots, death, sexual harassment, angst (lots of it)
a/n : reader is a psychotic murderer. this is purely a work of fiction and if you or someone you know are experiencing homicidal urges, seek professional help immediately.
-
You did it.
Wow.
You got you and your baby out of that shithole and you're on the run. The news and the FBI plastered your face everywhere so of course you changed your appearance as best as you could. Can't really hide a 7 month baby bump though, can you? You make your way to an empty road and stick your thumb out to hitchhike. A woman with strawberry blonde hair stops, letting you into her worn out green truck.
-
"Thank you so much!" you exclaim, getting into the truck. Thump. Your heart could jump right out of your chest. All it takes is one headline, one picture and she'll turn you in.
"Make yourself comfy, sweetie," she gives you a warm smile. "I'm Maggie. Where you headed?"
"I'm Lucy," you lie. "Anywhere but here. As far as you can take me, please."
"What's got you running? If you don't mind me asking."
"Let's just say I got away from a very bad place." you whisper. It's not a lie.
Maggie nods sympathetically and goes to turn on the radio.
"No!" you clearly startle her, filling you with guilt. "I- I'm sorry, I'd just prefer silence right now."
"Don't worry about it, Lucy. I know what it's like to be in a bad situation, I know all too well." She says sadly. "I won't do anything to make you uncomfortable, you just sit tight."
Maggie's words give you a sense of comfort, her kindness sets you slightly at ease. It'd fucking suck to have to kill her, you think. After what seems like few hours, you wake up to see her pumping gas into the truck. She enters the store, telling you she's been craving some licorice and she'll be right back. You're not heartless, you don't want to hurt this sweet woman. So, as anyone would do, you knock out the only other person around with one swift swing of a bat you found in Maggie's truck. Getting into the car, you hotwire it while the man you hit groans on the ground, bleeding. Red stains his shirt and your heart races. It's been a long time since you've done anything like this. Shit, shit, shit. You see Maggie at the cash register, paying. Lucky for you, the talkative woman gives you time by conversing with the cashier. Spark. Got it. Taking one last glance, you see Maggie drop her bag and gasp, whipping her head to look at you. There's a fucking TV in the gas station and guess who's face is on it? You back up the van and wince at the sound of the man's bones cracking paired with his agonized scream. Now or never. Hitting the pedal, you floor it.
-
You stop to breathe for a moment, parking outside of a shitty looking motel. The neon sign is broken so it reads Mot l. You open the trunk of the car you stole to look for anything useful. How lucky, you think. A small, silver handgun is tucked away underneath a plaid knit blanket. Where are the bullets? Must be in the front. Getting into the car and searching the glove compartment, you locate the ammo.
"Goddamn, if that isn't one hell of an ass." A gruff voice behind you whistles. Ignoring him, what he says next makes your heart burst into fear. Thump. "Be careful lovely lady. Heard there's a killer running around. I'll keep you safe though." You feel a hand make its way onto your back slowly and you turn yourself on your back.
"Fuck off." you growl. Click. Gun loaded. Pointing it at the man's now petrified face, you smirk.
"I-I'm sorry!" he spits out.
"No, you aren't honey." Bang. His body hits the ground with a thud and the familiar metallic taste of blood splatters your face. A steady hand wipes away the remains from your eyes and you exit the car, as calmly as you can manage.
"I'd like a room please." The motel owner stares at you, astonished. At the blood or because he recognizes you? Either one isn't good. This wasn't a good decision-- at all. Thump. A shriek from the parking lot distracts you momentarily and the owner takes a laptop and hits you over the head.
"What the fuck?" you grumble. The dumbass didn't even draw blood. With a quick flash, you shoot him too. This whole thing is getting tiring. Fuck, fuck. How the fuck? you wonder, pissed off as you hear sirens. Did the source of the shriek really call the cops that fast? Or were you in such a haze that you can't even think straight, let alone keep track of time. Oh, fuck me. Three black SUVs are with the swarm of police cars. SUVs that you recognize without a doubt as the FBI. Thump. No negotiations this time, no bullshit.
You exit the motel with the gun in your hand. Red and blue lights make you squint and illuminate your figure in the dead of night. Getting a good look at the imagie in front of you, you laugh. Lo and behold, the BAU.
"I'm sorry." you say, just loud enough for everyone to hear before pointing the gun at Spencer Reid.
Bang. Thump. The sharp pain shoots through your chest and you hear a scream. Your head hits the ground and your entire body gives out.
"Y/N!"
You laugh, spitting up raspy strings of red as you do. Suddenly, your head is being cradled and you're being frantically whispered to and yelled about.
-
"Medic! We need a medic!"
-
"N-Nice turnout, isn't it?" You cough violently.
"Shh, don't talk Y/N. Please." He strokes your hair as the EMTs load you into the ambulance.
"S-Spence," you call out, barely able to stay conscious.
"What is it sweetheart?"
"Take care of my b-baby for me," another horrible cough escapes you. "Give her the best life you can, t-tell her..."
"Miss Y/L/N, hurry it up, we need to get you into surgery."
"Tell her that her mother loves her, even if I'm not around."
Spencer's eyes flood with tears, they spill out onto his cheeks as he watches the ambulance drive away. Then it hits him. Her. He's having a baby girl.
-
SPENCER'S POV - E.R.
-
Hours pass with still no update on Y/N's condition. Most of team has gone home, waiting on call. I don't blame them. I'm the only one still here for Y/N. I feel helpless, like my head is underwater and I'm about to drown. Guilty, so guilty that I still love her. Angry. She's the one who was shot yet the anguish I feel is so fucking deep that it's as if knives are stabbing at my lungs.
"Y/N Y/L/N?" I stand up so quickly I think I might fall over.
"Yes I'm her b--" he stops himself. "I'm Doctor Reid with the FBI, h-how is she?"
"No loved ones here for her? I heard she killed some people but damn."
"Is she stable or not?" I snap, regretting it immediately upon seeing her reaction.
And then she speaks.
"The bullets severed 3 major arteries."
No. They saved her. They have to have saved her.
"Y/N didn't make it."
Everything stops. It feels like my limbs and head weigh a ton. Everything's heavy. My breathing becomes less and less effective, disbelieving, tiring. All color in the room fades, leaving me in darkness. I feel weak and detached, chest clenching until I collapse into the chair behind me.
"Doctor Reid?" the surgeon questions softly.
I don't look at her. I stare at the wall across from me, unable to speak, unable to cry even. My mouth is dry and I feel broken.
"Doctor Reid, I need to know who the child of her father is. We were able to save her."
Thump. Thump. Exhale. I meet her eyes.
"Take me to my daughter please." I say low and as steady as I can without breaking down. The surgeon gives me an odd look, processing the information I've given before turning. I stop her.
"Wait..." I gulp heavily. "Can I see Y/N first?"
She nods, hesitantly.
"Right this way."
Y/N's body lays, peacefully. It should be comforting to know she wasn't scared when she died but I want her here with me. I take her cold, lifeless hand in mine and the tears finally leave me. I let out a loud cry and bring my face down to her stomach, resting and shaking on her skin.
"I'm so sorry," I cry to her body, unable to hear me. "I love-- loved you. I swear."
Sniffling painfully, I notice something in her bra. Leave it to Y/N to torture me even from the dead.
-
"Dearest Spencer,
I think the way things played out were fitting. If you're reading this, I'm probably dead. Fucking creep, took a letter out of my dead body's bra. Kidding, kidding. Seriously though, give my baby a pretty name, will ya? I hope she gets your kindness, your strength. Everything that makes you you. Raise her to be everything we've ever dreamed of. You make sure she knows I love her, so much. Now quit being a pussy and wipe those tears, darling. We both know I deserved this. I love you, Spence and I forgive you. You got this babe.
Yours truly, Y/N."
-
My heart is ripped out farther and farther with each word read. It gives me a sense of closure but the pain and turmoil doesn't go away. A life where Y/N isn't here with me isn't a life at all.
"Excuse me," I say blankly as if every emotion I'm feeling simply doesn't exist within me. "I'm done."
The woman guides and then leaves me alone with my child. I hold her in my arms and gasp lightly. She's small but perfect and she smiles at me, lighting my heart. She has Y/N's smile. The fire inside me lessens, being slightly soothed by the newborn in my arms. We'd spoken a few times about having children but I'd always thought she'd be here when the day came. I think about it for a second. I won't name her Y/N, that's much too cliche for Y/N's liking. She isn't the type to name a child without meaning.
"Ellie." I whisper.
Ellie. Meaning 'shining light'.
The light I already love.
The light that holds every piece of Y/N's story in her eyes.
The light that'll get me through this utter darkness.
My light.
Goodbye Y/N. I'll never forget you, the light and the love of my mortal life.
-
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